#and we are going to see young granny next ep!!!

[zoldyckie]

"A world without colors... I struggle to even imagine it."

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 508

I mean, shame on me for allowing myself to get my hopes up that the show might have turned a corner last week. I should know better by now.

At least Young Ian’s back. And Marsali had a nice moment. And that’s about all I have to say about this episode that’s positive. I swear to fuck, this show hates Claire as much as the author of the books does. Where the fuck is the lead protagonist, show? Can she come back? Can she get a story line of her own that’s more than just a random scene every few episodes, please? And can Bree please be given something to fucking do that doesn’t involve Roger, Jemmy or rape? Does Fergus still even live on the Ridge?

But yeah, I guess let’s just all watch the episode twice so our dumb lady!brains can understand that Matt’s stupid silent movie gimmick was actually ~ArT~ and not, you know, a stupidly bad creative choice. Seriously, fuck that guy.

I can’t tell you how much idgaf about watching Roger teach. Also, Bree’s like his students’ age since she was in college too. So really all this bit is doing is to make me skeeved out about their age difference.

“Can you tell me why anyone would go to the trouble of burying one?” he said, condescendingly, like the doucherocket he is. Do not disrespect Young Ian like that, asshat.

“People live and die by their words.” *gestures to the beautiful shitposts on this hellsite* sure jan dot gif.

I already want to fastforward.

Would 100% rather sit through a lecture on suspension bridges than watch silent movies, tbh.

Hate the title card. Hate this whole gimmick.

Hate.

HAAAAATE.

Roger got hanged. Roger was dumb, Buck was an abusive and toxic fuckwad. But still, Roger got hanged and this is how we find out he’s alive and how he was saved?

It should be this big emotional moment. It should make me feel a thing in spite of myself. But nope! Gotta do this fucking silent movie thing. Which is hilariously terrible. And I laughed at it the whole time. In a mean and judgey fashion. What a craptastic creative choice. Whoever’s idea that was is a fucking idiot. *stares at a certain pompous af showrunner*

Ok but for real though, does LJG just like live in North Carolina now? Why is he always around, besides, you know, so we don’t forget he’s a character who exists.

For real though, he lives in Virginia and gets more screen time than fucking Fergus and Marsali who live fucking next door.

At least writing this recap is gonnna be quick and easy since they waste so much time re-showing the stupid silent movie footage.

Yes, I know, they’re trying to show Roger’s PTSD. Which involves flashbacks. And gradually turn it to color once he’s like come to terms with what happened and starts to move forward. But the execution is so bad that the whole arc is wasted because it’s just so poorly done.

Oh hey! A Claire and Bree scene! I love those. Except oh wait, it aggressively fails the Bechdel Test.

I JUST WANT THE FUCKING WOMEN ON THIS SHOW TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO THAT’S COMPLETELY FUCKING SEPARATE FROM THE MEN. ARGH.

Jocasta singing at Murtz’s cairn is a reminder that everyone should check out MDK’s music.

And her wearing the necklace Murtz gave her makes the existence of show!Duncan even dumber. Like oh hey, new husband, don’t mind me, just mourning my dead boyfriend and wearing his jewelry. But it’s totally normal since my niece-in-law still wears her abusive ex-husband’s ring.

Sorry, show!Duncan, but a more pointless character was never included. Show!Duncan wins the prize for most BeCaUsE tHe BoOk dumbassery.

Repeatedly showing what’s basically a snuff film is...a choice.

LJG has no sense of personal space when it comes to the Frasers. And it’s fucking creepy.

Oh look, another scene where all Claire gets to do is comfort someone about a man.

*BANGS FIST ON TABLE* GIVE CLAIRE BEAUCHAMP THE STORY LINES SHE DESERVES.

Jemmy aged like 3 years in the 3 month time jump.

Ok, I totally get why Roger hadn’t spoken yet. But once he did, the seal was broken. Not talking after he yelled to stop Jemmy, even a little bit, is just a dick move. Not that he’d be magically better. But he like refuses to even take baby steps.

CAN WE PLEASE GET THROUGH AN EPISODE WITHOUT A MUSICAL INTERLUDE. I FUCKING HATE THE CLEMENTINE SONG.

GRANNIE CLAIRE AND GRANDA JAMIE ARE MY FAVE.

OMFG AN ARROW. THAT CLEARLY MEANS...YOUNG IANNNNN!!!!!

So glad he’s back. So fucking glad. Yes, it means one more character to dilute how much time we can spend with any given person, but it’s a character that I like so hopefully he takes away from some of the time given to ones I don’t like?

Aaand Roger can’t even bring himself to try to talk to the guy who gave himself up in his place. Fuck Roger.

Claire does a better job at first than Jamie at picking up the vibes Young Ian is putting off, but like, for two people who are supposed to be emotionally intelligence, neither of them do a good job at first of really *seeing* Ian.

John Bell is really good in this episode.

Omfg Marsali has tarot cards. She’s like leaning full on into being the white witch’s apprentice and I fucking love her so much.

Also, the Hanged Man card is representative of self-sacrifice and martyrdom rather than like being actually hanged as a punishment. But whatevs.

Ok I think the reason Jenny yelling at Jamie to snap out of it in S3 bugged me where this scene with Bree yelling at Roger doesn’t is because sibling dynamic is completely different than spouses where both of them have gone through something unimaginable.

That he can’t even say anything here. Or give her any kind of sign that he’s still in there is a dick move. He *can* speak. He knows that now. So does everyone else. He’s actively choosing not to. Even to say that he just needs more time to work through his shit. No one’s asking him to be a chatterbox and totally back to normal.

Young Ian just sitting there while everyone else does grace is literally me at every family holiday.

Oh look, a wild Fergus appeared!

Ok, I never got the surveying thing. Wouldn’t the land already be registered? Since they were given the paperwork and shit for it from the governor? I know there was some bit about it in the book about keeping it after the Revolution but like, who the fuck else are they registering it with that would make a difference? The gov’t is still the English gov’t?

“But there are things you keep hidden from others. You and Claire both.” Ok, can he please be talking about time travel? I mean, I know he’s talking about his wife and their miscarriages, but I just want someone else to know about time travel already please and thank you.

HOW THE FUCK IS MARSALI STILL PREGNANT?! SHE’S BEEN PREGNANT FOR LIKE A FUCKTON OF TIME.

Fuck yeah not-Catholic-anymore-Ian. No grace, talking about the creator in a way that isn’t explicitly the christian god. Good job, kid.

My parents called me to say happy easter and I had to be like, uh, you remember that I don’t celebrate that, right?

Happy Zombie!Jeebus Appreciation Day to all the still christian people. And happy chance to have fun with burner zoom accounts named Elijiah to the jewish folks.

Jokes aside, the scene with Young Ian and Marsali was really nice and Marsali remains a fucking saint. It’s nice that Young Ian has someone who like actually gets what it’s like to find a home in a group of strangers.

Oh Claire, think more highly of your assistant. Also, what a clunky fucking way to be like oh hey, one of the emo!bros is gonna try to off themselves.

Ok but with the paper airplane now too, can we please show Young Ian finding out about time travel? Please?

Ok, but Claire automatically jumping to Roger wanting to off himself with her herbs... It’s making me judge both of them a little that neither picked up on just how clearly Young Ian was suffering. Like come the fuck on, y’all. It wasn’t subtle.

Also, can we please have more Adso?

SOMEONE GIVE YOUNG IAN A HUG! NO, NOT YOU, ROGER! SOMEONE GOOD!

Yada yada yes they both have been through something shitty and call me a biased asshole, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything about Roger and I feel all the things about Young Ian.

So Roger won’t talk when his wife begs, but he’ll talk when someone calls him on his bullshit. Cool. Cool cool cool. Nice dude.

NO ONE WAS ASKING FOR THE OLD ROGER, YOU TWATWAFFLE. THEY WERE ASKING FOR *A* ROGER. INSTEAD OF A ZOMBIE.

Again, there’s more to that tarot card than a literal hanged man, but whatever, show.

Oh thank fuck the episode is finally over. Expectations are back down in the gutter for the rest of the season. Please pleasantly surprise me, show, but I will not make the mistake again of thinking you’re actually gonna be consistently good again.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 39

Last time: The Blondes finally met back up with the Brunettes, Yoki was an idiot who tried to burgle the Leto-damned ARMSTRONGS, and Scar either kidnapped or “kidnapped” Winry. Onwards!

New Intro! We’ve got the two young brothers separated by wind, then the title drawn in sand before it’s white text with a glowing red TC and the brothers running in opposite directions. Are we going to have a Party Split? Nevermind, they just slowed down to the middle of the screen. Bright light, Ed should have brought a hat to this sunny bunch of rocks. Then he looks off all dramatic like as camera goes to Al trudging through a desert before he too does the Dramatic Protagonist Stare. Both brothers back to back against the Xerxes mural ok seriously betting on a Party Split here with all the opposite directions going on. Now the Elric Brothers are running at each other and yep just phased through to become Red (Ed) and Blue (Al). Looking around for each other? Whatever happens I guess Al is with May since he has Shao on his shoulder and her gripping his hand, Ed’s got Winry in unzippered gear on his side. Camera pans out to show Al with May, Scar, and Marcoh to the left, Al, Winry, and Granny Rockbell to the right. Then a bunch more people start popping up? Can’t tell who is on which team anymore. Short image of Al’s Body in the whitespace, becomes a Stone which shatters to show a smug-looking Pride. Now Ed’s running about striking shadow blades in a forest (Ed vs Pride fight?), Al’s in the rocky desert fighting more toothy Pride blades. Wrath in what looks like a basic longsleeve shirt and vest (no uniform?) fighting LING YES TURN AGAINST THE GOTHS MY GREEDY LITTLE PRINCE Envy’s in Titan form getting sliced up by YES BRING BACK BADASS NINJA BODYGUARDS. Now it’s Armstrong The Great looking serious, Sloth burst out from snow to be used as target practice by Sideburns and a bunch of tanks but Kimblee swoops in and blows the shells up. Beard’s walking along with his briefcase frowning towards Central in the distance. Ed and Al stand back to back in a TC in the desert (not as rocky as the one Ed was in, but not as sandy as the one Al was in), shot of the Door of Truth opening and shattering, ends on the Alchemist Watch covered by the title and silhouettes of the Elric Brothers. Back where we left off: It’s a cloudy and windy day in Baschool, where Scar is carrying Winry’s limp form and glaring down at Kimblee. The Ishvalan comments on how they’ve changed positions from the last time they met, the Alchemist says he shouldn’t be so confident. Episode 39 - “Daydream” Oh no Winry’s in trouble so Ed is grabbing Kimblee’s coat and yelling at him for letting his mechanic get captured, Kimblee tells him to move aside while pulling off his gloves (hey, he’s kinda Roy’s opposite in that regard), Ed blocks his arms so that he won’t hurt Winry by attacking Scar. The Ishvalan then shatters the building, creating a nice big dust cloud to walk away in. Kimblee’s about to chase after him but a mustached soldier says that it’s too dangerous to go close to the damaged building, they need to fall back. Oh, and there’s a snowstorm incoming so they have to find shelter! Man, it has just not been Kimblee’s day, has it? Ed, Sideburns, Al and some soldiers are walking along, Miles compliments Ed on his performance aha, called it! Ross Deception! Ed’s not happy about having to play along with the “stupid charade”, though. Flashback! Scar isn’t apologizing for the death of Winry’s parents. She has every right to pass judgement on him. Winry… walks away, reaches into a box, and pulls out some cloth. Oh, wow. It it wasn’t already clear, Winry is Best Girl. Bandaging an injury on her parent’s killer? Ed and Scar are equally shocked at her compassion and what. What is that face. I’m sorry, this is a sweet and touching moment and all, but Scar? What is going on with your face here?

That is quite possibly the best Does Not Compute face I’ve ever seen. Just, Scar has no idea how to process this. Winry’s saying that if her parents saved his life before, then there must have been a reason. But like Leto does this mean that she’s forgiven him for his murders. She’s not gonna cry though, she promised… wait, I thought it was Ed who promised that the next time she cried it would be tears of joy? Ah whatever. Ok, you’ve got Scar bound up. Angry boyfriend proclamations aside, time to make him decipher the book NO DON’T CALL HEADQUARTERS YOU IDIOTS. Aaaargh. Wait Scar’s asking Sideburns what he meant by “one of your people”, can’t understand how an Ishvalan could stomach being part of the Amestrian military. Sideburns responds that he’s working on the inside to change Amestrian views of Ishvalans, Scar is shocked at such an idea, and that it was an Amestrian that set Sideburns on the path. Scar can only look down. [Scar]: “Look at me. I am a festering wound of hatred born of the Ishvalan War. I am thankful that there is someone like you out there.” Aaargh but just as Scar is realizing that maybe wanton murder isn’t the way to go about things the call goes through, and Kimblee is on his way to “deal” with Scar. This drives Marcoh and May to reveal themselves. Finally! Oh, and now May can patch up Scar’s arm! Outside the Mustached Mook is noting the stormy clouds, Kimblee tells them to hurry up (gee, I wonder if he’ll get there in time?). Marcoh and May are yes thank you for Leto’s sake it took long enough they’re saying that they’ve got groundbreaking Alchemy/Alkahestry research but the only one who can read it is Scar. Sideburns notes that May is the Alkahestry girl they’ve been searching for as well, says that she needs to come back with them to Fort Briggs. Add in that Scar’s needed to read the notes and it’d be just as bad for Marcoh to be recaptured, looks like all three need to go back to the Fort. Ed’s just a mite unhappy with needing Scar’s help, Sideburns knocks him upside the head with the fact that the Goths are pulling some sort of giant TC shenanigans, they need all the info and help they can get right now. Ed stands down after the suggestion that with Scar’s help they can disgrace Kimblee and get Winry away from his clutches. One Ishvalan Oath later Scar’s judgement is postponed… and the Chimeras are waking up, uh oh. The kids balk at Sideburns’ orders to kill them, the Chimeras sadly agree with Sideburns, saying that they can never go back to their old lives. Al tries reasoning with them, appealing to their families but they’ve been told they’re dead. And it’s not like they can go back like this, we’d just be imitating the 2005 Fantastic Four, and nobody wants that.

But Al does get them to yell that “of course they want their old bodies back”, when they quite reasonably say that it can never happen Al does the helmet remove to show his Soul Armor state. [Al]: “Well I’m going back. No matter how long it takes. I’m not giving up.” Ooh, is Al getting some followers? Watch him form an army out of Chimeras tossed aside by the Goths, take them down with their own creations. Unfortunately the snowstorm’s coming in, meaning that they can’t reach the Fort until it passes. And Kimblee’s on his way, so they need a plan- [Yoki]: “This is a mining town, isn’t it? Why don’t we just go into the underground tunnels?” [Everyone]: *turns in surprise to the secret tactical genius in their midst* [Yoki]: “W-what’s wrong? I mean, this is a pretty large mine, right? So surely there’s a tunnel that can take us beyond the mountains, uh… I think?” [Everyone]: “That’s it!” [Yoki, Tactical Genius]: “H-hey, give me some credit; this is what I did for a living!” Ha! Way to finally pull your weight, you C-tier flashback antagonist! Confirming that the tunnels go past the mountains- wait. Wait wait wait. Isn’t the whole point of the mountains that they are between Amestris and Drachma? Ooh, do we finally get to see another country?! Please let my dream of missionary Drachma’s with Leto pamphlets be a reality! Sideburns gives Marcoh notes for any Briggs soldiers the meet after the tunnel (watch them run into Drachmans first and cause all sorts of problems: “These people have notes written in Amestrian! They must be spies from Fort Briggs!”). But what about Winry? If she just up and vanishes with them then Kimblee will suspect the Elrics of foul play! [Winry]: “Um, I hate to be the one to suggest this, but, uh… What do you think Kimblee would do if I was suddenly taken hostage by Scar?” Whoa, so kidnapped!Winry was Winry’s idea? Props to you, mechanic! Mid-ep pictures of Winry Rockbell and human Jerso/Toad and Zampano/Boar. Ed and Al are understandably uneasy with the plan, but Winry shouts them down about being able to at least choose her captor if she’s a hostage either way. Come on Protagonists, learn that you don’t have to or can do everything by yourselves! Scar again promises to protect Winry before Ed lets him loose, when the Chimeras as to be taken along as well. They’ve failed which means Kimblee’s going to kill them either way… [Boar]: “Besides, we don’t want to give up either.” Look at you go Alphonse, already with your two inhuman followers! Also, they’re just a little confused and upset about all this talk of this band of misfits trying to stop some catastrophe that threatens their families along with all of Amestris. Y’know, just a minor detail. Kimblee’s inbound, better hurry. Sideburns asks wait what they’re back to human? Uh ok, with all the talk about being monsters I was kinda assuming that their beast forms were permanent, not something that they could consciously deactivate. Kinda undercuts the whole “we want our human bodies back” if they can shapeshift back like this. The groups are splitting up (to my surprise it’s not the Elric Brothers who are going different ways, at least for now), a soldier remarks that Winry needs to remove her earrings ok what. Seriously, what? This just totally broke my immersion, you cannot tell me that now is the moment when having metal earrings in the frozen north would cause discomfort and haven’t been an issue yet, especially when she came up north specifically because her boyfriend’s metal arm was seizing up. But whatever, she gives them to Ed for safekeeping before promising to see him back at the Fort. Ed gazes up after her, clenching his fist and probably crushing those precious earrings that he was just trusted with. Nice going, kiddo. Explosion! Acting! Snowstorm! Those left in Baschool are sheltering in a building, alternately looking at girlfriend’s jewelry, wondering where their fellow Chimeras have gone, and arguing for planning the next leg of the search. Then Sideburns gets a call from the Fort? Ooooooooh, right. There was that whole “forces from Central showing up to look for Raven” thing going on last time. And our guys are walking right into that mess. Whoops. Down in the tunnel Marcoh’s going on and on about how the Rockbell Doctors were widely respected during the Ishvalan War, how they helped all without regard for themselves. Meanwhile Scar’s walking in the back having flashbacks to Winry’s “I don’t forgive your wanton murdering”, an Ishvalan Elder telling Scar that while he should never forgive the Military’s “wanton murder” that he must abide it-

-to break the chain of hatred, and his brother saying he studies Alchemy to replace hatred with understanding. And here is Scar, following the orders of an Ishvalan who willingly works in the Military to change it, representing the ideals of Scar’s brother and Elders. So what does that make him? Yoki’s having the group stop in an underground office, to pick up a more detailed map of the tunnels. Man, who’d have thought that freaking Yoki would be the most useful party member at this point. Or ever? Inspired by Al, Toad and Boar are pestering Marcoh about any clues in the journal (that he can’t read), they banter with each other about their families. Aw, they’re actually friends! Nice to show that even the Central forces have loved ones, hopefully for real this time after that infuriating Bradley & Selim fakeout. May? What’s wrong? Oh. Oh yeah. Her whole mission was to learn the secret of the Philosopher’s Stone, only to find out it’s based on suffering and the obtaining of immortality for one at the expense of so, so many others. And His Imperial Highness, aka her father, apparently would make one without a moment’s hesitation using any number of his people. So apparently he leans more towards Wrath’s philosophy of leadership than Ling’s. But if she doesn’t bring back the secret of immortality, her clan is in danger from all the others. Marcoh says that the notes might have the humane secret to immortality, they just need to hurry up get to the Fort so Scar can get a-translating. [Ed]: “What do you mean, ‘the Fort is no longer safe’?!” Welp. Just when we get Armstrong The Great as an ally, she’s been summoned back to Central and a Military Officer’s getting put in her place, along with a bunch of other Central forces. So now the Tunnel Team is walking into a hostile environment without knowing. They have to be warned, but how? Ed wants to go but he’ll freeze before he gets anywhere close… [Al]: “There is a way! Listen: send someone who doesn’t have a body. That storm won’t freeze me to death!” Uh, Al? Sure I guess you wouldn’t catch hypothermia, but you’re still a giant suit of steel armor. Remember how there was that whole “Ed’s arm freezing up” problem that was fixed by replacing his entire arm? You don’t have body heat like a living person, your limbs are just gonna ice up. Actually, how the Leto hasn’t that happened yet? Huh. I guess Souls act as armor heaters too, Al’s having more trouble just seeing where he’s walking in the blizzard than actually moving. He sees the path but the winds picks up and the screen whites out from the snow GAH ZOMBIE AL! Oh shit how did Al end up in the Whitespace? Uh, well you’ve found your body? Quick, grab it and let’s get wait no it was an illusion. What, you getting snow madness buddy? Oh. Oh shit. We’ve got a flashback to Barry musing that foreign bodies can’t hold souls for too long, Al’s freaking out about his body trapped in Whitespace, pulling on his soul as it’s rejected by his armor… he can’t think about that right now, he has to hurry. Without the map now, since he dropped it after that vision. Oh hell it’s this asshole. [Uncle]: “Alphonse Elric. Edward Elric. And also… there’s… Van Hohenheim. Izumi Curtis, she’s a possibility-” Aside from all the awfulness of listing off Potential Sacrifices, which is looking a lot more like ‘killing all of these people, not just one or the other’, did you just purposefully knock over Izumi’s piece? Rude, and I can’t wait to see her punch you. “That leaves one more.” New end credits! Rapid guitar music as we race through a 3D hallway/tunnel, outside looks like Ed’s standing in the ruins of the Elric house, Al’s somewhere else standing among some tall square rocks. Flashes of red-eyed Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, Pride, and Uncle (what, no Lust, Greed or Sloth?) A look at Riza’s scarred back with that strange symbol before she turns and I am very sorry for walking in while you were changing ma’am, I’ll be going now. Roy’s still in his eveningwear outfit probably trying to get someone to take all those flowers off his hands, Beard is oh Leto what is happening with your face, are you actually smiling. That looks so weird, stoppit. Oh hey it’s Mama Elric, so sad that we lost you before we could fully appreciate your snark. Ah there’s the scowling Beard that we know, go kick Uncle’s ass. We’ve got Ed jumping and Al and LING YES BRING HIM BACK and a lion and monkey oh my Leto is Al actually going to build a Chimera Army this is the best thing of all time yeah there’s Toad and Boar we are totally getting Rebel General Al. Also there’s Alchemist-Slayer Scar on their side now but who cares CHIMERA ARMY ok fine we also get May and oh Marcoh’s getting in on the action looks like he lost a few teeth wait Yoki no we need you as the secret tactical genius get off the front lines. Selim’s there looking all cute and innocent in his little schoolkid guise until his shadow gets teethy and attacks Ed. Winry’s power walking through a hallway (can’t see if she got her earrings back). Then a bunch of hands reaching up, one larger one grasping a smaller one (which ship will sail?!) before we’re back in the tunnel, shots of Ed and Al and Beard before a final map of the country-sized TC.

[kdenjinx]

I’m back with YJ

Last week I didn’t do my weekly review of episode 3x17 (I was busy and uninspired). In ep 17 the REACH "came back" and the new group of young heroes had to stop this threat. Personally I liked the episode, Gar has been a great highlight this season and seeing him lead a team was just perfect, besides I loved seeing the support they received from the old team.

It was a good episode that focused only on the training of the outsiders and I must admit that it felt like a classic Young Justice episode (keeping it simple works).

Now I am going to talk quickly about the 3x18. Klarion has been using his magic to unlock the meta-gen of some children and create a kind of Mind Flayer while Halo receives bad news and makes questionable decisions. In the end Zatanna saved the day <3, saved everyone and Ed decides to join the outsiders.

On the positive side we could see again our beautiful Zatanna, the tower of destiny :') (ahh, what good memories),quotes from previous seasons, the beutiful girl “Dolphin” and I don‘t know about you but I was saddened by the death of Mrs. Garrick.

I think this episode had a good premise but again it was overwhelmed by the other subplots and... to be honest... that has been the problem of the whole season.

I do like the episodes and I’d lie if I said that I haven’t liked the season, but the problem is that I didn’t like Young Justice, I LOVED IT. I remember how fond I was with the characters Artemis, Dick, Wally, Bart, Jaime... all of them, YJ was aware that the show was happening in the DC world and there used to be cameos of other characters but without losing sight of the team and the main plot of the season. Now it just feels like they want to put characters and plots all at once and in the end nothing develops. We are already in episode 18!!! We move but we're going nowhere. We still need to see the arrival of Darkside, the plans he has with Vandal Savage, the plans of The Light, the development of the outsiders, the arc of Terra, the plans of the League, Oracle and the Team, Granny Goodness, Apokolips, Markovia, Dr. Jace's plans, the issues with Halo, the personal problems of several characters cof~ Will and Artemis~cof and more.

I’m worried that they can not cover all this in the following episodes, I just hope there is a season 4 in which they can take their time to develop a story.

Until next week STAY WHELMED!!

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x15 Commentary

Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon  (Kat)  good night babe

@waywardbaby  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

1  2  3  4   5  6  7  8  9  10   11   12  13 14

Giulia: Oh the music is the stupid episode kind of music

Nat: awww

Zee: Baby dean

Giulia: THE WHIMPERING 

J: I didn’t want to leave it there. And I didn't want to just kill it.

M: I’m looking for a new home

Giulia: I can be your new home bb

Nat: NO

Giulia: I DON T TRUST IT

Zee: Bamf Jack!! Two words I never thought I’d use In the same sentence

Nat: We're in Lawrence aren't we

Zee: In what year?

Scooby doo matinee 2$ . WHAT

oh look a Metallica poster. I still have that CD 

Giulia: oh look My aesthetic

Giulia: That James Dean vibe tho

What’s this stupid music.

Zee: Charming acres???

Nat: "Where Everybody's Happy" Are we in Pleasant Ville?

I don’t trust shit.

Zee: Splash

See..?

Nat: Brain-mush

Giulia: CLEAN AISLE 3

Nat: Well, good morning to my breakfast

Giulia: TRUEST REACTION on supernatural EVER

Giulia: he loves that snake

Nat: SNAKY

C: *knocks* Hey Jack?

J: I’m good Castiel. [OMG DAAAAD stop breathing on my neck]

C: [sigh, semi-soulless teenagers]

Giulia: What’s up with the all black

C: How's the snake?

J: I don't think he's feeling well. He won’t eat.

well...doesn’t snakes eat rarely tho? like....once a week or something?

Zee: He misses his previous owner

LOOK AT THAT CUTE FUCKING SOFT SMILE . FUCK YOU MISHA

C: He's been through a lot of changes in a short period of time. I guess that's something you have in common.

Nat: He's going dark

Zee: Concerned dad

C: Jack, you killed Michael. You consumed his grace.

Giulia: I. DON T. TRUST. THIS. DID HE THO?

but also.....right now I’m that granny that mistook Cas for her 3rd husband , : “you are so pretty Charles”

Nat: I feel different now.... YA THINK

J: You want to know how much of my soul I had to burn off to kill Michael.

Yeah fuck I wanna know ok.

Nat: How could he know?!

Giulia: can’t cas look it up

Nat: He could stick his hand in there.

Giulia: HE COULD

Nat: That sounded wrong

Giulia: IT DID.

Zee: Deep inside. There I made it worse

J: I try not to think about it.

BAD. 

I don’t like that hollow stare Jack, I swear to fucking god Imma slap your soul back into your body.

so I’m listening to the ep with my headphones and BOOOOOOY DID I HEAR THAT SIGH [cranking up the volume to the max and goes back]

Nat: I could eat him alive. And the sandwich

A wild Castiel appears.

C: Oh. Thought you, uh, were gonna sleep until the cows dragged you home.

D: That's not the -- Never mind.

THE *claps* DOMESTICS *claps*

AWE Cass asked about Rowena. [ what was the ship name again? Rostiel?, Caswena?Witchywings?

AWE CAS ASKED ABOUT SAM. [SASTIEEEEL]

D: I think they're both full of crap.

Of course they are, this is Supernatural. Cue painful montage! 

*jazz hands*

Giulia: Poor sam

Zee: PTSD

Nat: Sammy :(

Giulia: They were his people

Sam and his fucking trembling lips

Nat: Aw Baby let me hug you

[Dean eating]

Giulia: Das me

Nat: I'm still hungry

Zee: Damn that mouth. It’s big

Giulia: What does it do tho ? wiggling eyebrows

Zee: It eats!! Everything

S: Yeah, well... I'm leaving in ten.

C: Maybe I should go with him. And you can stay with Jack.

me : GASP YES

D: Why do you think he'll talk to me?

hE ‘S YOUR SOOOOON!

C: Well, because he looks up to you.

Dean don’t you roll your eyes at your hub. It’s impolite.

D: I was not great with Sam, you know, when he was, uh...

STOP right there. Don’t give me flashbacks

D: Well, how am I supposed to figure that out?

Cass, your Misha is slipping out, put that voice back into the cave it came out of 

C : Just talk to him. Get him to open up.

Audience : * SNORTS * yeah riiiight

C: Sleep until the cows come home.

D: There it is.

C: That's the saying.

*CLAPS* DOMESTICS

Nat: I'm hungryyyyyyyy

Zee: We’ve established that Nat

Nat: I mean.... APART FROM THIRSTYYYYYYYYYYY

Giulia: I’m eating nuts

Zee: I bet you are

Nat: Nut juice. Food against hunger and thirst. New Bumper sticker

Awe Cas is driving BB. [but where is the pimp mobile]

S: I'm good, honestly

C:  YEAH I KNOW EVERYBODY IS GOOD

UUUUUH Cas baby, get me all tingly with your sarcasm

Also write that under the series main title as a warning really. 

SUPERNATURAL :  EVERYBODY IS GOOD

Listen Sam, baby, I can hear your voice breaking, stop with the bullshit.

C is like....you can fill so much bullshit in that moose body

S: we don't have as many Hunters as we used to.

OUCH

Zee: Cas learnt how to use his badge

Giulia: Lame

Nat: "We're FBI..."

Look how cute my baby is...look at him *sobs*

C: Was it more "Scanners" 1, 2, or 3? 

OH WOW, IS CAS BEING DEAN RIGHT NOW?  (because I’m all for it.)

Giulia: I bet dean made him watch that.

Nat: Charming Acres

Nat: I don't wanna live there

Giulia: I DOOOOO

Zee: It’s creepy ffs

Nat: It's all shades of fucked up. I mean, look!

LOVE IT

C: It's like we're stepping into a Saturday Evening Post. I look at them sometimes after you fall asleep at night. They're very soothing.

I had to google that , not gonna lie. Also....HOW FUCKING CUTE IS THAT?! 

Giulia: DEM HAAAAAIR THO.

Giulia: FOXY WIFE

Zee: Foxy wife

S: What was that?

Giulia: i love that time, minus the racism and patriarchy and the war.

Nat: What is wrong with these people

Giulia: Living my dream ok

Zee: Oh shut up babe

Nat: I don't like perfect

Giulia: Cas and his bed hair

Giulia: DEM MILKSHAKES. I BET THERE IS SOMETHING IN THERE

Zee: Something fishy, lass

Sammy likes them milkshakes tho

Is it just my impression or Cas is running out of fucks this season?? I love it.

FLATFOOTS

Zee&Nat: We take care of each other.

mmm, don’t like that

Zee: Don’t like the way that sounded

Giulia: suspicious

Mayor: They said something about an aneurysm or something?

C:

Zee: His head exploded

Nat: His head exploded

Giulia: OH NO HIS HEAD EXPLODED

Zee: Gotta love Cas

Giulia&Nat: Like a ripe melon on the sun

Giulia: GOTTA LOVE HIM

Sam panicking.

S: "Like a ripe melon on the sun"?

C: It was an apt metaphor.

As I said : Angel out of fucks

S: Okay, well, maybe next time try to be a little less...apt.

C: The entire town is so strangely picturesque.

Giulia: I KNOOOOOW! , Can I go there?

Zee: NOOOOOOO

Nat: We wouldn't let you

Giulia: Dat dress.

Nat: Bonding time

Jack just gave the snake the cookie crunch , sobs so pure....for now

J: I think he’s sad

Nat: Have you tried bacon

Bacon....the solution to everything. I mean....not wrong, it’s delicious.

Giulia:  so dorky

Sniffs Chinese food

D: Well, anyway, you and the, uh, snake...want to go for a little dri-ive?

gets mice .

Nat: mice scare him?

ok but Dean is that squeamish sometimes . It’s hilarious.

...because the mice scared me and I need confort. Also I’ll probably avoid Chinese food for a month so there’s that.

Nat: Ahhh... Jack really talks to that thing

Woman: Not people. Men. I only rent to young men. It's not proper -- young women living alone?

Nat: MORALS. GOTTA HAVE MORALS

*looks at Castiel*

Woman: You know.

...C i like....what

me: sHe fLirtS

Nat: Ya still wanna go there, @Giulia

Zee: She’ll say yes

Giulia: YEAH. Y’all can’t stop me

Zee: See? I’ll tie you down bitch just watch

Nat: Ya CAnT LiVE oN YOuR oWn

Giulia: I’ll work at the diner

Time for some SNOOPING 

Giulia: So much hand porn for me

C: - they're...surprisingly passionate.

Sam with a tiny ass cup ready for some gossiping: Passionate how?

Castiel without a speck of blush: She spends, uh, quite a bit of time talking about the -- the shape and the heft of his --

Zee: Such a tiny cup

Please tell me there a DICK PICK in there lol

S: It's getting late, Cass. And you're right. I-I probably need some rest.

oh noe

C: You want to stay here? 

S: Why not? Ms. Dowling's making pot roast.

OH NOE

Nat: I can smell head explosion

Zee: I can smell the bleach they’ll use

Nat: And there you go

Giulia: NICE  I can live in that fantasy idc 

Nat: You won't have us

Giulia: I wouldn’t know

Zee: Impossible. We’re seeped in your bones

Giulia: You can’t miss what you don’t remember

Nat: Yo head's going to explode when you remember, Giuls

D: Why don't you grub up? We still got another couple hours.

J: I'm not really hungry.

I DON’T LIKE IT

D: Give him one of these. I bet he's never had that before.

DEAN NO

J:  I don't think you have a firm grasp on what snakes eat.

Zee: Uncomfortable dean

D: Yeah, I always thought they were kind of cool, though.

Nat: Aww...adorable Dean

Giulia: I thrive out of these moments

Zee: Road trip with dad

D: Mm. Well, it's not the snake that's dangerous. It's their...bite.

J:  Is -- Is that a saying?

D: It is now.

Nat: hahah... is Dean looking with one he's going to pick?

Nat: Dad move

Giulia: Was that really a way to test jack? With CAKES

Nat: Dean move

Sam’s room is empty

Giulia: Weird Sam time

Zee: Not good

Nat: I told ya

Giulia: Das me jamming

Giulia: He so awkward

Giulia: HALLO!

Giulia: No i don t eat.I'm looking for my partner.

Mrs B: Oh. The very nice, the very tall fella?

Castiel angel of the lord? more like Castiel angel of I’VE RUN OUT OF FUCKS

Mrs.B: Hm. He said he's going for a walk. [pause ]  And a milkshake.

Giulia: Still me jamming,  ‘He’s got tan shoes with pink shoelaces’

Nat: yeah i mean, what's with her. all of a sudden a new husband?

Nat: My partner

Giulia: I’m looking  my partner

Nat: The tall man - yes the very tall man

Zee: The very tall. Man

Giulia: I WOULD HAVE DIED. CAN HE GRAB MY HANDS TOO

Nat: Mr smith is gone long live Mr smith

Giulia: I would like a martini yes

Zee: I was waiting for this

C: Hair? ---He has beautiful hair?

Giulia: HE HAS

Nat: he has beautiful hair

Giulia: BEAUTIFUL HAIR

Giulia: THIS IS COMPLICATED . Cas is like...... WHAT IS THIS I WAS NOT PROGRAMMED FOR THIS. PEOPLE . PEOPLE SKILL. NOT FUNCTIONING .

Giulia: OH LOOK THAT’S MY MOM

Nat: what

Nat: the

Nat: fuck

Giulia: i’m loving this cas

C: I'm so sorry, but last night, his head, um --

Giulia: he had to pause

Giulia: That laugh was creepy

Nat: How about that martini?

Mrs. Smith : No...my husband he’s good.

[ SNORTS ]

Nat: OH god... no I need a drink

Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Giulia: ...

Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Giulia: EW

Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Nat: That pony tail

Zee: I don’t like this

Giulia: THAT’S SWELL

Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JUSTIN NO GOOD

what’s up wITH THE FUCKING POT ROAST ?

Nat: Honey, make me one too! Dammit

Giulia: SAME I NEED 5

Zee: A round of martinis please

C: This is not your house.

Justin!Sam : 

Justin!Sam :  You're right. This is my wife's house. I am simply living here.

Giulia: OH YOU

C: Something terrible's happened.

you right, those hair happened

Justin!Sam: I'm feeling adventurous.

Nat: Rawr ?

Giulia: NO

Giulia: I CAN T

Zee: I can’t process

Justin!Sam : So that's a no-no on the hooch?

I think Jared had too much fun in this. I WANT ALL THE BLOOPERS PLEASE PLEASEEEEE

Giulia: I’m laughing so much

Nat: You watch your mouth

Giulia: SIR U WATCH UR MOUTH

Zee: Skedaddle

Nat: I don't wear a hat , dammit I.... uh

Zee: Bitch

Giulia: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Justin!Sam : Sir, using language like, uh, "H-E-double hockey sticks" --

Nat: Wash your mouth out with soap?

Giulia: GUYS, I haven’t had this much fun on spn in a long time.

I can’t breathe

Zee: I’m dying here

Nat: Double hockey sticks?

oh....OH.....I GOT IT NOW....GOLLY...WHAT THE HECKIE

Nat: STILL WANNA LIVE THERE?

Giulia: YEAH SHUT UP

Nat: ZETa

Zee: What?

Nat: Giuls is willing to leave us and go live there

Giulia: I LIKE THE AESTHETICS

Zee: As I said. Not possible. The amount of the insanity that she has shared with us won’t let her

Donatello : Ah, I am just the picture of health. Except for my prostate. It's shaped like a papaya.

...THANK YOU BB

also...do you guys think the Winchester get their prostate checked? or do they call.....Doctor Novak? (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

Nat: Dena really doesn't like snakes. Dean. Not Dena. Well, maybe Dena too. I wouldn't know

Giulia: We don’t judge

Zee: Never

Giulia: I LOVE HIM

Giulia: God sister snacked on it

Giulia: That’s a big ass cup

Nat: That's a big cup

Zee: Black hole

Giulia: ...

Giulia: This succession of texts is cursed

Nat: Not going there, Giuls

Zee: Again. I concur

Giulia: I ain’t said shit ya pervs

Zee: YET

Nat: You were thinking it. That's enough

Zee: ABOUT TO SAY IT

Giulia: You two were thinking it too , get off that high horse

Zee: offended gasp

J: And when it was gone, how did you -- how'd you feel?

Donatello: Like...the galaxy. You know, Jack, our galaxy's all bright and shiny and spinny, but in its center lies this very large black hole.

Donatello: I'm all bright and shiny, obviously. Not so much spinny  But inside? Empty.

Donatello : Losing your soul doesn't make you bad It doesn't make you anything. It's, um... an absence of...of pity, of empathy...of humanity.

J: I know I don't feel...nothing, but I don't feel the same, either. And maybe I just don't know what nothing feels like. Mostly, I just don't want Sam and Dean and Cass to worry. I just -- I need time and space to figure things out on my own, but everywhere I go, there's someone looking over my shoulder.

Giulia: I get that boo 

Nat: MAKE ME CRY JACK

J: Sam and Dean are the best men I know.

Nat:  FUCK YOU. I'M CRYING 

Donatello : whenever you don't want them to worry just think "WWWD" -- "What Would the Winchesters Do?"

Giulia: Pew pew pew pew pew pew. That’s what they’ll do. Sex stares. Bitchfaces. Bacon. Rocking off. Kill monsters. BOOKS. 

Zee: Kicking asses, taking names

Giulia: Kick names , take ass

Nat: there goes giuls

Zee: Oh babe!!!  Right there

Nat: I should not engage in this convo because it's going to be dirty

Zee: He’s not like you?!

Donatello : I suppose the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a soul?

D: Donny.

Donny: What?

Nat: He seems ok

Nat: SEEMS

Donny: Jack's probably the most powerful being in the universe. [Creepy music starts to play....I sweat]  I mean, really, who knows what's going on inside his head?

Giulia: I like donatello

D [ with the anxiety of a thousands suns ] : ...thanks

Zee: Erotic musings

Giulia: Cas saying “steamy” and “erotic” is making me tingling

Zee: Rip it from your ...

YOU KNOW WHAT HE CAN RIP OFF ME THO?

Nat: BAMF CAS

Giulia: And this too

Nat: Of course it's him

Zee: What are you ?

Nat: Sam's so tall

Zee&Giuls: The squint

Zee: Giuls shut up

Mayor: and no matter what I did, people would turn to drink or drugs, they'd move away.

Giulia: Oh boo hoo .Let me do drug in peace.

Mayor: ...And you know what happened next?

C:  No, but I have a feeling you're gonna tell me.

[I’m all out of fucks anyway ]

Giulia: THE SNARK

C: I won't hurt you, Sam.

Justin!Sam:  Golly, I told you my name is Justin!

Giulia: GOLLY

Nat: Justin!Sam is this a thing now?

Giulia: i hope

Zee: Giuls. That’s all for you. Cas kicking ass

Giulia: I know I’m sweating. Look at this shit

H    O    T

Giulia: NO IDC ABOUT THEM LEMME SEE CAS

C: Fight this! 

J S: Why? I'm happy in Charming Acres.

Giulia: THAT’s US

Nat: That's us against Giuls

C: Sam, I know you want to be happy. And I know what it's like to lose your army. I know what it's like...to fail as a leader, Sam. But you can't lose yourself.

You have to keep fighting.

You can't lose yourself, because if you do, you fail us. You fail all of those that we've lost. You fail Jack. Sam, you fail Dean.

Nat: make me cry

Giulia: omg I’m crying

Giulia: I’m cryiiing and I’m tired of seeing Cas and that fucking blade like that ok.STOP IT. [ going into MOC Dean ptsd ]

Zee: Lool

Nat: OH no no brain explosion please

Zee: I’m god

Giulia: We met god. God has a beard

Zee: God has a beard

Giulia: God is ma dad

Nat: NO

Giulia: YAS QUEEN

Zee: I like her now

Giulia: make his head go splat

Zee: Vegetable

Giulia: Psh lame

Nat: hey, not bad huh?

Giulia: Laaaaame

Zee: You needed the splat!

Nat: you know lame when you get there giuls

Zee: Nat. We’ve established we won’t let her

Giulia: BuT ThE dREsSeS

Giulia: God dean

Nat: Dean stop being adorable

j: It was...illuminating

D ... the fuck, stop talking like your angel father.

D: Heard you wore a cardigan.

C:  Yeah, I told him about the cardigan.

S: Great. Thanks.

D: And the wife.

Giulia: What about the ponytail

Giulia: Wait, Cas and dean talked about it on the phone [dies]

D: Well, not a lot of happy goin' on around here.

Nat: Wow, Dean feel a stab in his heart

S:  I hate this place right now. I hate it.

S:  Everywhere I look, I see them. I see Maggie. I guess that's why, uh -- why I was so desperate to get out of here, why I kept running us ragged. But I got to stop that. I-I can't keep running. I -- This is my home.

This is our home.

Dean, I think I just need some time.

Giulia: Yeah same

Nat: Sammy babe

Zee: How couldn’t they have

Giulia: Awe this is the hurt Sammy season. Again

D:  Okay.

Giulia: STAPH

Giulia: WITH

Giulia: THAT

Giulia: LOOK

Giulia: JARED

Zee: Sam needs a million years in therapy

Nat: You need help

Giulia: NO

Zee: Oh no

Giulia: I DON T LIKE IT

J: Sam and Dean would help you, so -- so I'll help you.

Nat:. Nah, Dean wouldn't

J: I'll help you see your friend again. 

Giulia: FUCKING

Nat: No

Giulia: NO

J:  In Heaven.

Nat: What

Giulia: JAAACK

Nat: Jack

Giulia: THank god cas saw it

Nat: Wtf

Zee: Yeah. That wasn’t good

Giulia: Oh shuttttt uuuup

Giulia: PROMO

Zee: Dean in a suit. Alien vs predator

Nat: Creepy, me likey

Giulia: Eh

Nat: OK babes, i gotta go. Nat: See ya! it was a pleasure.

Zee: Always

Giulia: Go have some milkshake

.

.

.

If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl  @destiel-honeypie      @mariekoukie6661      @dragontamerm       @closetspngirl    @rainflowermoon     @mattiecat       @bunnybaby121115  @aliaitee2    @jacks-word-of-the-day     @4evamc       @dammitsammy     @legendary-destiel   @winchesterprincessbride    @destielhoneybee    @castiellover20   @jacks-word-of-the-day  @ravenhg @evvvissticante 

[palecolorbouquetmag-blog]

Cosmo Pyke is a skater from South London who’s become known around the world for his unique singing, songwriting and guitar music. His unique sound made such a big noise it was heard by millions of people and many of them quickly became his fans. But in conversation you discover his passion for his music is as strong as his love for skateboarding and making art. Skating and playing the guitar gripped him from a young age and he picked up both naturally. But it wasn’t just his talent to string together well written songs and lines on his board that helped him to be the artist he is today. It’s also the excitement he gets from expressing his thoughts and ideas through them that stokes him out. Inspired to push for perfection with his pursuits and through taking his skills in a creative direction, he was further motivated to make art and his music career moved forward. Cosmo has been a No Comply Network member since the start and to see his meteoric rise as a musician has been immense. Four years since he released his impactful first EP and a week before the release of his latest offering, we had a chat about how he learned to skate and play guitar, shredding South Norwood, Peckham Rye and Bromley Skateparks, Ben Glasser and Max Critchlow, seeing US pros at demos, BRIT School, WITH Section, Slam City Skates, Southbank, street skating, making graff, recording his breakout EP ‘Just Cosmo’ with Fraser T Smith in the same studio as Stormzy, behind-the-scenes stories of all of his music videos, playing the last ever show at The Montague Arms with King Krule, filming ideal skate clips in Birmingham and Barcelona, playing live gigs, why his latest single Piper for Janet is one of his most meaningful to date, making tunes in Lockdown, the release timeline of his new tracks and his favourite skaters, spots, skate videos, art and photos and much more.

Glad to get a hold of you man, it’s been a while!

Yeah, it’s good because I’m releasing my first tune in a while in six days. It’s really good timing, we’re getting to chat now.

So when did you first see skating and think, I want to do that?

I used to skate when I was younger, maybe when I was about 7 years old.

That’s young, where did you get your first skateboard?

I got my first board from Brixton Cycles, which was next to Stockwell Skatepark at the time. I used to skate Peckham Skatepark. But not too much. I was always going to Stockwell and Kennington Bowl with my mate when I was really small. But then I stopped skating and started rollerblading…

Why on earth did you stop skateboarding to rollerblade?

It was my mate that I mentioned earlier. His older brother used to skate in my area and he was like a bit of a king in the graffiti scene. We always used his skates, everybody learned on his skates. We used to rollerblade at Whites Grounds, the skatepark in London Bridge, when Reuben De Haan’s cousin used to run it.

What year was this, 2005-2006?

Yeah.

So you started skating at age 7, stopped for a few years and started again. What motivated you to get back on board?

Yeah when I was 12, in year 7, Louie Dobbs, my boy he got me on it. We used to skate with Max Critchlow as well.

Yeah the day I started skating again I was at Bay 66 Skatepark, on the mini, on blades, with a party of people and at Bay you had to wear a helmet if you’re on blades but not if you’re on a board, it’s still like that. So at the time I was like fuck this!

I tried to drop in on the mini on a board and I was like look, I put my Vans on and went for the drop in on a skateboard and just did it! Dropped in first try on the mini and I was like fuck this! I’m skating from now on. I could always ride into the bank in Peckham but I’d actually never dropped in on a skateboard up to this point.

When was the first time you made your own music?

Well it was from about the age of about 9-10, maybe 11-10. I went to this thing called School of Rock at the Prendergast School in South London. It was called Felix’s School of Rock – run by this guy called Felix. You get put into a band, it was sick. In the holidays you’d do it for 4 days for a £100.

Like a kind of music boot camp for kids?

Yeah. Max Critchlow used to do it so it was really cool. It was sick. We weren’t allowed to bring skateboards and skate in the hall because they were scared we’d break our necks it was funny man.

How did it work?

You’d’ get put in a band with a Jack Black kind of figure and then on the fourth day there would be a battle of the bands type event and you’d do a gig on the stage. There would be like 90 bands, all just like loads of small kids playing  and the winner at the end wins chocolate, whoever screams the loudest wins basically!

Sounds hilarious man

From there, I was put on the stage, those were my first shows and gigs as a kid, just playing guitar, not even singing really, I did that School of Rock like nine times over the course of the next 5 years over the holidays and shit. Then I moved from Prendergast to Thomas Tallis School and then I started working there when I got to the age of like 18.

At the School of Rock?

Yeah, my first gig was there! Playing gigs, I was really scared before I got on stage as well. Because I cared a lot about what I was doing from such a young age. Cared about how I did.

Once you’d finished school and were looking to go to College, were you making music a lot or skating a lot?

I kind of wasn’t even doing anything religiously. Skate one day. Music the next day. Day after that do some graffiti. Never do one thing; I’ve always been juggling three things at a time. Going to school and school was just…school, you know?

For sure. What was it like studying at the Brit School?

It was really cool, I loved it, I was so happy really. I wasn’t at my rubbish school I was at previously. It had a uniform. This had no uniform and liberal teachers.

That’s dope

Yeah BRIT was crazy. It was like Uni as a 15 year old, no school bell, just like be on time.

So it made you be more independent

I didn’t go to Uni. I went to Sixth Form and then just finished school,  recorded my tape when I was in year 13, towards the end of my school, so it all patterned up well. When I finished school. I was touring all around London, South, West, East and North. In all the pubs.

I guess you made such a big impact; you were waiting to make something on that level or better

The way that I do Graff is the same way I do music. My friend even told me the other day. My songs are like the same way I do a piece or skate, just perfected and something I’ve been doing for a long time, so they are all really similar for me.So what stopped you from releasing those other songs?

I went up to Leeds and recorded with this guy, stayed with him there and recorded in his house. It just felt like the act of making music felt forced. I felt mad going up to Leeds sleeping in an Air BnB and focusing solely on just making music. Now I could do it a lot more but at the time I didn’t have the concentration.

Now I know a lot more but then I wasn’t ready. I made some good stuff and I really like it now and at the time I kinda like it as well but I kind of didn’t want to release it because it wasn’t the same process as the first record that I made with a big old studio with live musicians. This was just me on my own with no drummer, my mate, my drummer wasn’t there, it didn’t feel natural.

I tried to do some other stuff, that will come out in the future that I will re-record but I did stuff that I wasn’t 100% happy but this record I’m putting out now. This latest record, I recorded the way I’d done the first one with all live instruments.

Sounds like you needed some inspiration on this one. What music inspires you as an artist?

At the time I was coming up with loads of bands that played in the Montague Arms in New Cross and The Windmill in Brixton. There were loads of bands playing there at the time

Like who?

Horsey, my cousin’s band a cover band called The Bodies and King Krule.

You and King Krule played the last ever show at the Montague Arms in New Cross, what do you remember from that gig?

Yeah, there was a queue down the fucking road. The first person I saw in the queue was King Krule. I was like what the fuck!? why are people coming to see me. I never really had confidence in myself but you know! Yeah that was the first time I experienced people acting weird man, from those days at the Montague.

Yeah, when you get fame people treat you differently. But what was it like for you?

I learned my social skills from skating so I was always just completely…When you do my line of work, you meet a lot of fans. So it’s like when you meet someone and you’re a fan of their skating, it’s just about being nice to people and it was nice at the time and I miss playing.

The last gig I played was in Jakarta and I haven’t played since then. I’ve been dormant for 2 years. It’s such a long time but you know due to Lockdown it’s just extended that really.

Do you have a favourite artist?

Matthew Klarwein.  He did Miles Davis’ album cover artworks and then I really like Peter Green too; he’s a musician from Fleetwood Mac.

I also like John Piper, he’s the artist who’s art I’m basing this next record I’m about to release on. It’s called a Piper for Janet because my granny’s friend drew a John Piper style painting for her, he used a lot of watercolour and collage so the front cover of this record is based on him and he’s a British Painter. John Piper, he’s pretty cool

I like Edward Ruscha; he’s a photographer but he did a lot of stuff like taking photos of carparks and gas station in LA and Route 66 from specific perspectives back in the 60s and stuff like that.

Dope. Lastly when are all your new songs going to be released?

Next couple of months; they should all be out in January

Sounds good, look forward to it. Any last words Cosmo?

For anybody who’s out there reading this thanks for supporting me.

[seriouslyhooked]

Just a Taste (A CS AU) Part 1/10

AU where Emma and Killian are contestants on the Great American Baking Show and all twelve contestants hail from Storybrooke Maine. In this AU Emma is a book editor by day, while Killian is an architect who just moved to town a few months prior. Expect baked goods, flirtatious interactions, a little drama and a whole lot of fluff with a guaranteed HEA for Captain Swan. Rated M.

A/N: After some careful consideration I decided to make ‘Just a Taste’ my next story to republish. My main reason for this is that I need another baking fic in my life right now. So whether this is your first time reading, or you’re a long time fan of CS fluff meeting the ‘Great British Baking Show’ I hope you enjoy and thanks so much for reading!

If you had told Emma Swan a month ago, that her favorite TV show arguably ever was going to make an American version, that might not have surprised her. The Great British Baking Show was a hit, both back across the pond and now in America. What did surprise her was that the American version was making a twist, and that twist was to only use competitors from one hometown each season. The first season was to take place in Storybrooke, Maine, the small hamlet where Emma lived, and that… well that was crazy.

Up to this point, nothing of note had ever happened in Storybrooke, and local news never got more exciting than a passing family of moose, or the addition of a new baby to the town’s ranks. Easily the most exciting thing that had happened in the years Emma had lived here was when the factory that made hot cocoa mix a town over had a spill and all of Storybrooke smelled of chocolate for two whole weeks. No one had been hurt, the damage was minimal, and yet it was all anyone could speak of for months.  

Yet no longer could anyone claim that nothing ever happened here, because over the past few weeks, Storybrooke had become consumed with the rabid buzzing of TV crews and potential competition. The rules were clear, one had to live in Storybrooke Maine for at least six months prior to the shows taping. Other than that, anyone over the age of eighteen could compete for the title of… best baker in town? In retrospect, the title seemed kind of pointless, but Emma knew that people were taking this seriously. With twelve bakers in the race, the town was divided between who would win, and who deserved the crown, or in this case the dish. As one of those finalists, Emma was already feeling the pressure, and she’d only just set foot in the big white tent where she’d be baking.

“I really hope this doesn’t ruin the franchise for me,” she said out loud, not realizing that anyone was around until a deep, accented voice responded.

“My thoughts exactly, love.”

Emma turned to find Killian Jones, Storybrooke’s newest resident, who she’d only really seen in passing standing behind her. Despite barely knowing her new neighbor, her heart skipped a beat when her green eyes locked with his blue ones, and she wondered how someone could have this magnetic pull over her. Maybe it was the dark hair that she wanted to run her fingers through, or the way that his smile seemed to tick up to one side. Perhaps it was the accent, or the thoughtful sort of look he had any time they crossed paths. Emma watched as he extended his hand in greeting, and she met it gladly.

“I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced. Killian Jones, at your service.”

“Emma Swan,” She replied and he grinned at that.

“I know.”

Emma raised a brow and couldn’t help but smile, but just as she was about to ask him what he meant with his flirtatious tone, the ten others who were competing came barreling into the room, led by one of the shows production assistants.

“Were we not supposed to be here yet?” Emma whispered and Killian shook his head.

“Apparently not.”

As the others filed in, Emma saw two of her best friends, Mary Margaret Blanchard and Belle French who had also made it to the final twelve people.  While both women looked inclined to come near her, the PA’s wrangled them to their designated stations and then addressed the group. Filming would be commencing shortly, and the first step was introduction to the judges.

“Prepare yourself for a big difference between camera and off-camera personas. We ask that you respect the personal space of our panel, and our hosts.”

The small woman named Tink who spoke pushed the glasses she wore farther up her face as she carefully selected her words. She was the picture of efficiency, and Emma had seen her running around handling chaos at every turn in the auditions and now. It was very impressive, but Emma didn’t envy her. Tink had so much energy, that when she moved about, it was like watching a hummingbird fly, fascinating, but seemingly crazed with how much effort was required.

“So they’re bloody horrible, then?” Killian asked aloud and Emma bit her lip to keep from smiling outright. That was clearly what the young blonde PA was grappling with. Tink looked flustered and blushed as a tall man stepped into the room with his hands across his chest smirking at Killian. He dwarfed Tink in size, appearing well over six feet next to her modest frame.

“Enough of that, Killian. But as a matter of fact, some of them are. Heed Tink’s warning and save yourself the unpleasantness. Now –“

“And you would be?” Catherine Parker asked flirtatiously. Emma made eye contact with Mary Margaret across the room and mimicked a gagging motion that had her pixie-haired friend giggling and Catherine glaring at her, but Emma didn’t care. The woman was vile, and yet somehow was dating one of the town’s nicest men, David Nolan.

“Liam Jones, EP.”

This was surprising indeed, yet when Emma considered, she could see the similarities between Killian and this man calling the shots. Aside from the accents, both men were good looking, with dark hair and nice eyes. Though in all truth, Emma had to admit she liked Killian more. Just thinking as such had her tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. She felt like a girl again, all nervous and crushing on some guy she barely knew.

“You’re related to the Brit? How is that fair?!” This came from Leroy, the unofficial town crier and world’s most dedicated gossip. He loved to play the victim, build up the drama, and then cower and run in the face of actual confrontation. Emma thought it highly possible that he had been selected for the show based on those tendencies, because his trial bakes seemed questionable at best and grotesque at worst.

“Seeing as I have no control over the judge’s decisions, it’s completely fair, Leroy. Now, there isn’t a minute to waste. The sun in high enough and the set team has prepped, so let’s get going.” With that, Liam was off, with Tink just behind him and Emma looked over to Killian and smirked.

“So you’re the reason they chose us for this.”

Emma watched as a cute little blush spread across his cheeks, and it made no dent in how handsome he was. She allowed herself another moment to admire him, trying to convince herself that she could look now and steel herself against him once the cameras were there. His dark hair had gotten longer since he’d first moved to town, and now a lock of it had fallen to his forehead. Emma wanted to push it back into place, and ended up balling her hands into little fists to keep that inclination in check. Again she wondered how someone could endear her to them so quickly.

Before he could reply, the cameras were in motion and Emma felt the strangeness of the situation. Four different crews worked simultaneously, catching a whole host of angles in what seemed like barely organized chaos. Liam gave out his orders into a headset, and though they were whispered low enough that Emma couldn’t hear them, she thought they’d still have a bit of bark to them. The man practically exuded authority; there would be no silent entreaties from him, but his methods seemed to work. In the span of a few minutes they’d gotten some stock footage of each contestant, which was no easy feat.

Aside from Emma herself, Killian (who Emma knew from word around town was an architect), Leroy, Catherine, Mary Margaret, and Belle, the final twelve included a range of characters. There was Catherine’s boyfriend David, a real saint by all accounts for her dealt with her terrible temper and meaner qualities in stride. He was the town lawyer, and Emma’s guess was that in such a post, one ran into a whole host of personality types. Beside him was Tiana, a waitress at Granny’s who was both hard working and sincere and just before them was Lance, one of the deputies to the sheriff. Then there was Archie, who was a grief counselor, Robin who was a single Dad and the town’s only contractor, and Ella who was a stay at home Mom and very nice if still painfully shy.

All in all, it was a pretty good representation of the town, though there was one clear demographic missing, for not a one of the gaggle of gossips (a band of elderly women who frequented Granny’s) was there. That was because they were all running the betting ring that was consuming the town as they waited for intel on the show. Yup, this was Storybrooke, a place where the illegal betting rings were run by the AARP crowd. America was in for a real treat.

Into the tent at that moment strutted a tall brunette dressed to kill and donning four inch heels as if they were nothing more than slippers, and a man who stood another five or six inches above her with light brown hair and a handsome face. Emma recognized the former as her friend Ruby Lucas, and she nearly called out to see what the heck Ruby was doing here, but a worried Tink stomped down that inclination with a stern shake of her head to Emma. The man was still a stranger, but his face was familiar even if Emma couldn’t quite place him.

“Graham Huntsman is a judge on this show?!” Catherine’s grating voice sounded from the back of the tent, and though her instinct was to roll her eyes, Emma was glad that she hadn’t, because watching Tink’s reaction was so much better.

The small blonde looked near bursting, and was clearly unimpressed with Catherine. If Emma didn’t know her to be loyal to Liam, she’d have expected Tink to shame Catherine from here to Sunday, but as it was, she bit her tongue and moved her attention back to the iPad in front of her. His name had sparked her memory though, and Emma returned her gaze to Graham, a man who had been on another show to try and find love, only then deciding none of the girl’s were his perfect match.

“Yeah he is, Parker, so do us all a favor and shut that trap of yours before you embarrass the town further.” Ruby’s words were too much, and now Emma, Belle, and Mary Margaret were laughing so hard that they were shaking with it. They all three tried to keep quiet, but it was hard to do so, especially when looking back to Ruby and Graham, the latter of whom was blown over by the comment and looking at Ruby with newfound respect.

“If we’re quite done, let’s get the ball rolling shall we? Ruby, Graham you’re up.” He motioned to the camera beside him and Graham and Ruby both lit up with a happy smile.

“Hello and welcome to the Great Storybrooke Baking Show!” Ruby looked so excited as she said the words, while Graham feigned distress beside her.

“Um, no, Ruby, not quite. It’s actually the Great American Baking Show. We’ve just picked your town for the first season.” Ruby rolled her eyes.

“Ignore him, he’s new to this. As I was saying, we have got twelve competitors rearing to go, fighting to see who will be the next King or Queen of this small town in Maine.”

“Again, not what we’re doing here. Back me up on this guys,” there was general murmuring from the crew and a victorious smile from Graham. “And while you are right that we have twelve eager contestants ready to show us their skills in the kitchen, none of them will become royalty.”

“So what’s the take? Is it money? A new kitchen? A lifetime supply of cake?” Ruby asked and Graham shook his head, looking back at the camera.

“To be quite honest, it’s a dish and bragging rights. Oh, and if this show does well enough, hopefully the love of the American people.”

Emma placed a hand over her mouth as she watched the scene unfolding before her. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought that all of this was off the cuff, completely free styled, but it wasn’t. Whoever was writing this was doing a good job, it was funny and light and actually kind of true to the humor of the two women who hosted the show overseas.

Ruby and Graham went on and eventually made their way through the tent to a designated spot so that the camera crews could do a sweeping shot of all the contestants. Emma didn’t know whether to smile or stay neutral, and she nervously tucked another lock of hair behind her ear. Yet soon enough that take was over and they were moving on to the judges’ introduction. It was kind of exhausting to be honest, all of the setup. Maybe it was naïve of her, but Emma had kind of hoped to just come, bake, do some sort of ten minute testimonial style interview after for the editing room and get home, but this was an unaccounted for time suck.

When the judges were finally brought in, Emma was surprised again to see that one of the judges (there were three in this version of the show instead of the usual two) was another familiar face. Ruby’s Grandmother who everyone just called Granny, the owner of the local diner, was dressed fancier than Emma had ever seen her and was clearly just as excited as her granddaughter about her new position. That she was sandwiched between two people who Emma did recognize was too much to handle.

“Contestants, it’s time to meet the judges you’ll be working to impress over the next few weeks.” Graham said happily. “The first needs no introduction. Known to the culinary world simply as Mr. Gold, he owns nearly a dozen high scale restaurants, including Dark Side Snacks in New York, this year’s hottest spot. He’s written three books, worked with the world’s top bakers, and has ranked as CakeBake magazine’s Master of Cake’s three years running.”

Every contestant clapped for the man in question, who though clearly qualified to be here, could barely smile for the cameras. His long hair spoke of not caring, his suit was expensive but a bit too flashy, and he carried a cane for no noticeable limp. He looked so severe and so unimpressed, it left a bit of a sinking feeling in Emma’s stomach.

Something she’d liked so much about the original show was that the Brits kept it light and airy. Though they didn’t reward bad bakes, they also didn’t look like being there was torture. This all of a sudden felt more like an Americans singing competition. Yet, Ruby’s introduction helped lighten things a bit.

“And of course, ‘her majesty’ the lovely and talented Regina Mills. She is a co founder of the now nationally branded chain Wicked Bites, is a New York Times best selling author of the Royal Recipes series, and is the face of The Food Station with not one, not two, but three shows on the network. She’s agreed to join us through some sort of magic it seems, for really, who has the time to be so accomplished?”

Regina laughed at that, and though Emma could tell it was fake and for the cameras, it worked and would play better on the show than whatever Gold had done. Regina understood her image and her brand, and this poised almost calculating good humor, coupled with her ‘no-hair out of place’ appearance was a part of that.

“We also have this season’s ‘Regional Consultant.’ Known by the people of Storybrooke just as Granny, and determined to keep the moniker, she’s the owner of the town’s diner, and in many ways the glue that binds Storybrooke together. Show of hands, how many of you are regulars at Granny’s?” The cameras panned over the contestants, all of who were raising their hands and Granny smiled happily. “Full disclosure, she is also my grandmother, and the reason I couldn’t try out for this competition.” Ruby joked.

“No, my dear, the reason you couldn’t try out is you are a disaster in the kitchen,” Granny quipped.

“Also true. Now, without further ado, let’s get to today’s challenges.” Only despite Ruby’s words, they didn’t get straight to work. The camera’s needed readjusting, and as they worked, Granny said something to Regina who was receptive if a little cool in her answer.

“No I’ve never been to Maine. So far it seems… quaint, but pretty.” That was good enough for Granny, who always tried to sketch out a person’s character on their first meeting. So when she looked over to Gold and asked his thoughts, she was in for a far less favorable reading.

“Look lady, I’m going to be honest with you when I say that this job is entirely about a check and bit of PR polishing. Call one too many people a fuck-up on video, and you start to lose your public sparkle. So for the next ten weeks, I may bite back my nuggets of truth, but know that I find this entire show a fiasco of the highest caliber and a thorough waste of my valuable time. Now hopefully you can take a hint and will refrain from speaking to me for the rest of this.”

“Do you think he meant to use all those gold puns, or was that an accident?” Belle huffed under her breath, but Gold seemed to hear her. He sent a glare her way, but she merely smiled back, daring him to throw his salt and bitterness her way. It was an amazing sight to see, and Emma couldn’t have been prouder or more impressed with her friend.

“Well in order to get that check, we need an actual show, so if we’re quite ready, let’s move on.” Liam motioned the cameras once more, and they focused on Ruby and Graham who stood before the bakers with their instructions.

“Bakers, the task before you is simple: create a cake in ninety minutes with at least three layers and two filling variants. Your time begins… now.”

As a small bell chimed, the kitchen went from stagnant expectation to fully mobile, with everyone working towards the task at hand. For this signature challenge and the one to come tomorrow, they were allowed to prep in advance, so this should be easy. The hard part would be a few hours from now, when Emma had half a recipe to go off of to make something that she’d probably never heard of.

“It would be a bloody embarrassment to mess this one up, eh Swan?” Emma looked over to Killian and nodded without saying anything. She was surprised that he’d once again said exactly what she was thinking.

“Killian, it appears you’re making friends already.” Ruby remarked, as she came up with Graham beside her and one of the camera crews to ask him about his intended cake.

“Are we to assume you’re the town loner?” Graham asked skeptically and Killian shook his head before responding.

“Not intentionally, though being new to the area does have its drawbacks. Still, a competitive bakeoff seems as good a way as any to meet people.”

Killian looked back at Emma and their eyes caught. She smiled before turning back to her own work, though she listened as Killian outlined his wild berry circle cake that would incorporate blueberries, blackberries and raspberries in one confection with a basic white base. Emma liked the idea a lot, and hoped she’d get a chance to try it later. He’d been smart to choose fruit that were in season. The freshness would make for an excellent treat.

When they were done with Killian, Ruby and Graham made their way around the room, and Emma felt herself relax into her own course of action. She worked diligently to combine the flavors just so, and make sure she had everything timed out as she needed. She was making a mocha latte cake, based off a recipe she’d been working with through most of the winter. It was her favorite drink, aside from cocoa, and in cake form it was out of this world. Her design was split into three distinct segments – the white cake infused with a minimal amount of espresso, a layer of chocolate frosting, and a layer of coffee frosting, then covered in both frostings mixed together. It was always a hit wherever she brought it, but still, Emma was worried, she didn’t want to lose points for a stupid oversight, so needed to take her time.

“What you got there?” Ruby asked causing Emma to startle and nearly drop the cakes before they went in the oven, but she recovered and then threw a look up to Ruby. “Sorry, Ems. My bad.”

Emma just smiled and waved her friend off and explained the cake’s intention to the hosts as she set to making the frosting – She had three huge containers, one with each flavor variety, and while the cakes were on the cooling rack, she would set them to cool in the fridge, but for now, she mostly answered questions about her life and hobbies.

“So when did you start baking?” Emma didn’t even need to think, she knew instantly.

“In college. I didn’t ever have a place to try before that, but I always liked the idea. You know, every kid wants the smell of chocolate chip cookies when they walk through the door. I decided to make that for myself.”

“What, your Mom wasn’t the baking type?”

“I wouldn’t know. Never met her. But it doesn’t matter, because I am the baking type,” Emma said, “and if I’m still here the week we make cookies, everyone else is in serious trouble.”

Ruby had looked like she might pass out at Graham’s question, since she knew about Emma’s past as a foster kid, but the look of pride in her friend’s eyes now was true and sincere. Emma had handled the question with grace, not making herself a victim or coldly refusing to reply. She’d done a marvelous job, and to celebrate that, she allowed herself a taste of some of the mocha frosting.

“If your reaction is anything to go off of, love, we should all be very afraid for this challenge too.” Killian’s words pulled Emma from her internal reverie over the chocolate and she grinned playfully.

“Hey, you said it, not me.” Ruby and Graham lingered just a moment longer before returning to the others as Emma moved her frostings to the group fridge neatly labeled with her name. They’d sit for fifteen minutes, to give her enough time to have the cakes cool and the frosting to get to the desired consistency. She passed the time, checking in on Mary Margaret and Belle and seeing they were on their way to some good-looking cakes too.

The problem came when she returned to the fridge. Emma arrived at the same time as Catherine, and watched as the blonde saw her approach and then ‘accidentally’ knocked over one of Emma’s containers of frosting. The contents fell to the ground, spilling out and ruined in the blink of an eye. The room went silent, and Emma felt all of their eyes and the camera’s turned to her and Catherine who had a shit-eating grin on her face.

“Oops, sorry about that, Emma. But good thing you made extra right?”

Breathe, Emma. Ripping this woman’s hair out on national television will get you nowhere. Emma stepped forward and took her two remaining frostings and whispered low to Catherine.

“Bring it. Whatever insecure, asinine moves you’ve got, I can handle.”

Then Emma turned on her heel and proceeded to silently freak out. She most certainly did not have enough frosting for everything, and she didn’t have enough time to chill another batch, which was necessary. She paced back and forth, trying to come up with something. She felt her friend’s and Killian’s eyes tracking her but she continued to move about, needing an idea and fast. When she had it, she set to work immediately.

The clock was running down and time was precious, but in the end Emma created a satisfactory replacement for the frosting – a sweet cream glaze that covered the cake with a sprinkle of cocoa on top. While the appearance wasn’t as pristine as she’d hoped, the taste would still be stellar, of that Emma was sure. Just as she stepped away from her cake, the buzzer sounded and time was called.

“Bakers that does it for this round. Step away from your creations and take a breath, you’ve made it through the first challenge.” Everyone applauded politely, but Emma just wanted this judging cycle over. She had just gone from a top contender, to a wild card, and that was a stressful thing, even if they were essentially playing for nothing.

The judges were called, making their rounds through the tent to see what worked and what didn’t. The reviews were mixed. For some, like Tiana, who Emma was somewhat friendly with, they were glowing, while for others, like Leroy, they were bordering on insulting, yet most people stayed in the middle with both compliments and complaints. When they finally reached Emma, it was Regina who spoke first.

“Miss Swan, seems you’ve provided a less… traditional circle cake.” Emma nodded and tried to smile through her frustration.

“A mix up with some frosting, unfortunately, but when does a bake ever truly go perfectly?”

The other woman smiled at Emma’s joke, while Mr. Gold looked less than impressed with the façade of the cake and Granny looked down right murderous at Catherine. She no doubt had heard what happened. It wasn’t until they were cutting into the cake and each trying a bite that Emma felt any real anxiety though. After a moment of contemplation, Gold spoke first.

“Presentable or not, this is actually quite good.”

“You sound surprised.” Emma almost slapped a hand over her face in embarrassment but stood her ground as she heard both Granny and Belle smothering laughs for it. He meanwhile narrowed his eyes slightly as if she’d truly angered him.

“I actually like the design. It’s very DIY friendly, and I think you could find this on any magazine cover. People love deconstructed anything made into cake.” Such praise from Regina had Emma smiling again before turning to Granny.

“I don’t know what you were planning to do with the rest of this, but plans have changed.”

Emma watched as the older woman actually removed the cake from her table and began to walk away with it and shook her head stunned. There was a small break for people to do their testimonial responses, which Emma couldn’t even remember completing before they were on to the technical bake – Regina’s apple streusel cake.

While tensions were high, Emma stayed collected and moved through the ninety minutes with a sense of collectedness she hadn’t expected. In fact, the only thing she noticed beside herself and the recipe before her was Killian, who took great care to speak with her throughout the time.

“I’ve been meaning to ask if you know what the ribbons around town are for.” Killian’s words as they both waited for their cakes to bake pulled a smile to Emma’s lips.

“They’re everyone’s allegiances, for the competition. We’ve all been assigned a color, and the rest of our nosy neighbors can have up to three colors for the pool that the GG is organizing.” Killian looked confused.

“The GG?”

“Sorry, the Gossip Gaggle. You know, the white haired coalition of ladies with the permanent table at Granny’s?” Recognition set in for Killian and he laughed heartily.

“I rather like that. So what color are you?” Killian inquired.

“They gave me white, if you can believe it.” He chuckled again, and the sounds sent a hum of pleasure coursing through Emma.

“I can. And do you happen to know the rest of us?”

“Yes…” Emma purposely held back to see if he’d keep asking, and she was rewarded with a pleading look from him.

“What can I trade you for such information, love?” She pretended to consider.

“You can tell me what you’re making for the competition tomorrow.”

“Vanilla mouse with a lavender infusion and raspberry frosting.” Emma’s mouth watered a little at the idea and she was slightly envious of that flavor compilation. It would surely taste wonderful.

“Your band is black, because you’re the competition’s dark horse.” Killian grinned at that.

“So you’re the light to my darkness then, Swan?” She raised her hands in defeat.

“Hey, I didn’t make the color scheme.”

“Tell him about the other bet!” Mary Margaret called from her side of the room and Emma flushed slightly.

“Yes, Swan, do tell,” Killian implored.

“There’s a pool about you too.”

“About me?” he asked skeptically.

“Oh come on Jones. You’re a single guy who just moved to small-town Maine. Women take one look and wonder who you’ll end up with.” The comment from David was both unexpected and entirely spot-on, though now that Emma thought about it, she had noticed David and Killian speaking a few times before. Perhaps they were friends. Still, Killian’s jaw dropped and Emma stifled a laugh.

“Who’s the favorite?” he asked, his breath a bit gruffer than before.

“David.” Belle replied as she pulled her cake out of the oven. She was the first to do so, but still seemed pleased with herself.

“So everyone thinks Dave and I are gay?” He didn’t say it like it was a repulsive statement, just like it was a clearly incorrect assumption.

“No. The old ladies just like a little fantasy. Plus you haven’t asked anyone out and it’s been a few months, so…”

“My brother is a bit shy, Emma, you’ll have to forgive him.”

Emma raised a brow at Liam’s sudden comment where he’d broken the wall between producers and contestants and was about to ask why he would apologize to her in particular when her own buzzer went off and everyone began focusing on their cakes once more. Soon the time was up, and they were all being judged on a blind taste test. Things went very well for Emma, who actually came in second for the apple cake.

All in all, as the day was ending, Emma had to admit she’d done rather well, and that she was really looking forward to tomorrow, but she did have one tiny regret. She would have liked to talk to Killian once more, to see what Liam had meant, but her friends had other ideas. Ruby, Belle and Mary Margaret all decided that their first day deserved a wine night ending, and Emma couldn’t turn down the chance to relax and unwind. Her queries, it seemed, would have to wait until tomorrow.

…………

“Why didn’t I think to incorporate a book into my theme?” Belle asked the next day, as Emma was working to decorate her Peter Pan Petites in the allotted time they’d been given for their thirty-six cupcakes challenge. Emma shrugged in reply and Belle simply shook her head. “Let me guess, you’ll have a book theme every week?” Emma nodded.

“I need an inspiration. I can’t just come up with ideas on the fly, like you can.” This seemed to appease her friend, but it sparked Killian’s interest.

“Have a thing for reading, love?”

“It would be a problem if I didn’t, seeing as I am an editor by trade.” She didn’t have to look over to him to see his surprise.

“How did I miss that?” Emma looked up to see him genuinely wondering and she looked at him quizzically.

“Researching the competition, Jones?” she asked playfully.

“Only you, love.”

This caused a blush to creep across Emma’s cheeks and she bent her head back to the cupcakes before her. They were decorated meticulously, with a miniature Jolly Roger placed over a swirl of green. She’d also included a little Pan’s shadow and a fondant mermaid on each. Everyone brought their own stands on which to put their finished product, but Emma also had props to incorporate on the spread for her display. At one point, she noticed as the costume hook she’d brought was swiped away. Killian had taken it, in an attempt to get her to speak to him once more.

“Don’t you have some cupcakes to make yourself?” Emma asked with a hand on her hip, playing at being frustrated, when all she actually felt was excited. She loved the attention from him, and she wanted more of it, which surprised her as she was kind of a guarded person. Her past experience had taught her that putting yourself out there romantically never paid off, yet the gleam in Killian’s blue eyes made her wonder if she’d written love off too soon.

Pull it together, Emma, no one said anything about love, she thought to herself critically as he finally replied.

“Aye I do, Swan. But I’m afraid I won’t be able to do much until I can get one of those beautiful smiles out of you.” As if he’d willed it into happening, a full-blown grin broke out across her face.

“Has anyone ever told you that all the charm is a little suspect?” He looked affronted and waved the hook around as if it was a part of his being.

“Never, love. Usually women comment on my being devilishly handsome or my roughish appeal.”

“You sound like a pirate.”

“Captain Jones has a nice ring to it, actually,” Mary Margaret offered from the back of the tent.

“How does she hear me from all the way over there?” Killian asked aloud and Mary Margaret herself responded.

“It’s a teacher thing. My superpower is almost as cool as Emma’s.” Killian returned the hook to Emma’s display and then finally retuned to his station, but he wasn’t done with his questions.

“A superpower, Emma? You hold so much back about yourself.” She laughed at that. He had no idea.

“She can tell when anyone is lying, always. She’s never wrong.” Belle sounded so proud of Emma as she said it that Emma had to turn to smile at her friend.

“That’s a load of bull.”

And just like that, the silence from Catherine was broken and Emma was once again set on edge by the rude woman. Still, Emma ignored her and went on with her cupcakes like no one had spoken. Emma did hear David asking Catherine to pull back some, but that only made Catherine more hostile.

“I just don’t know why everyone thinks they’re so great. Between her, the bookworm, and Sister Mary Margaret it’s ridiculous. I mean look at her,” Catherine aimed her gesture at Mary Margaret in particular, “she goes about her life like birds dress her in the morning, but it’s all a front.”

David looked like he was truly angry at this point, and kept glancing to Mary Margaret to see if she had heard (which she had) and to see if she was okay (which she was). Still, it was interesting. Perhaps David wasn’t so fully under Catherine’s spell as they all thought.

“Just a friendly reminder that there are cameras around and the bitter words usually make the cut for television.” Tink’s intervention was controlled, but barely. Her dislike for Catherine was just as apparent today as it had been the day before and Emma was growing to like her more and more. In another life they likely would have been friends. As it was, she smiled at her thankfully and the petite blonde smiled back in kind.

Time went by quickly after that, and though they’d all had a bit of distraction, most of the contestants had nice looking end results. Only one was truly lacking and it was Leroy’s. His frosting looked like it had been scratched on with a fork of all things, and the judges really couldn’t seem to find anything kind to say at all. When it was revealed soon after that he would be the one going home this week, no one was surprised, including Leroy. What was surprising though was that Emma was the person chosen for star baker of the week.

“There was no way around it. Miss Swan provided three wonderful bakes for consideration, despite a bit of sabotage in the first round. She has a good understanding of flavor and presentation.” Emma heard Regina’s words and felt a lot of pride at all she’d accomplished this weekend. Gold’s words were less uplifting.

“While no bake was perfect, she seemed to have a bit more control over her vision than the others.”

“So verbose,” Belle said as she rolled her eyes. Emma was starting to wonder what it was about this man that bothered her friend so much, still she couldn’t deny the outbursts were funny and made her feel better.

“Emma’s a good girl,” Granny said.  “And clearly I wasn’t the only one who thought so. That Killian certainly paid her a lot of attention, even when it put his own treats at risk.”

Emma looked to Killian who smiled at her and shrugged as if to say ‘she has a point.’ Emma couldn’t help but laugh. When the cameras were finally finished getting what they needed from the judges, the producers came towards the contestants once more.

“As all of you know, we’re working on a sped up model for the show, but it turns out it’ll be far faster than we’d realized. Thanks to a few early cancelations from this season’s scripted dramas, the network needs content fast. All of this footage will be cut down edited, and sent into the networks by midweek. We expect a Thursday or Friday time slot.” Liam said all of this calmly but it caused a flurry of questions and comments.

“Wait, like Thursday or Friday of this week?” Ella asked looking pale at the thought.

“Yes, this week.”

“I thought this wasn’t going to air until the holidays.” Belle continued.

“That was the plan originally, but this is television, and they follow the money.”

“How realistic is it that this is where the money is?” Archie asked.

“No idea. But for the sake of the dozens of people who are counting on this as a job, hopefully long term, lets hope the chances are high.” Emma hadn’t thought about that, though she’d met some lovely people over the past few days who did everything from hair and make up to lighting to security.

“Do we still need to keep who got kicked off a secret?” Tink and Liam nodded vigorously.

“Of course, that was in the agreement you all signed.”

“Do you have any idea what else the network is canceling? I don’t want to risk getting to attached to anything.” Killian’s comment had most of the contestants laughing (save for Catherine and Leroy) but it seemed to ease any lingering tension. With that they were dismissed, most to reconvene the next weekend.  

Something occurred to Emma as she left the tent for her life outside once more. She had never actually expected this to be fun. Sure, it would be an experience, a great story and a cool thing to have on her life resume, but it wasn’t what she’d thought of as entertaining. She was nervous about the cameras, shy of too much competition between her neighbors, and a bit scared she might not measure up skill wise, but this had been surprising. She’d had a great time, better than any weekend in a long while, and the person largely responsible for that had gorgeous dark hair, a sexy as sin accent and kind blue eyes.

“Emma!” Killian’s voice from behind had Emma turning to him, waving to her friends that she’d meet up with them in one minute. “I know we’ll be meeting again next weekend, but I was wondering if perhaps… you might be – well what I was hoping was that-,”

His stammering was adorable as he ran a hand through his hair clearly flustered, and Emma had an undeniable urge to kiss the shy smile that toyed at his lips. Somehow she knew that he wasn’t used to acting this way. Like his brother he probably teetered closer to the edge of control and collectedness than this scene before her indicated.

“Here’s my number.” Emma said, pulling out a pen from her purse and writing it down on his hand. She could have found some paper, or just put it in his phone, but inexplicably, she wanted an excuse to touch him.

When she’d written it clearly, she smiled at him and turned around to head back home. She could have sworn she heard him mumble ‘Bloody hell’ under his breath and it filled her with a rush of excitement. A moment later though, she spun around to see him once more. He was still standing there, staring at her as she walked away like he was in some sort of daze.

“I’ll be waiting for your call, Captain.” The fire in his eyes at her endearment was exactly the effect she wanted. Now all she had to do was wait.

Post-Note: So there we have it! Hopefully you guys liked it. Subsequent chapters will likely have one of the three challenges and the results featured and either a little bit of their normal lives, or recaps of it. There will be nine regular chapters in total (one per episode) and then an epilogue, HEA guaranteed. So thank you guys for reading, and hope you all have a great rest of your week!

[celtfather]

St. Patrick's Day Celtic Top 20 #299

This extra-long St. Patrick's Day special highlights the Best Celtic Music of 2016 as voted on by you in the Celtic Top 20 with music from The Gothard Sisters, Heidi-Jane Schwabe, Ockham's Razor, Black Market Haggis, Stanley & Grimm, Sarah Marie Mullen, Skeleton McKee, Burning Bridget Cleary, Innisfall, Reel Treble, Liz Schettner, Faerydae, Corktown Popes, Rachel Hair Trio, Young Dubliners, Niteworks, Spirited Lads, Michael DeAngelis, Syr, Steel City Rovers. Listen. Like. SHARE. Then download 34 Celtic MP3s for Free! celticmusicpodcast.com/299/

Subscribe to the Celtic Music Magazine. This is our free newsletter and your guide to the latest Celtic music and podcast news. Remember to support the artists who support this podcast: buy their CDs, download their MP3s, see their shows, and drop them an email to let them know you heard them on the Irish and Celtic Music Podcast.

Today's show is brought to you by Celtic Invasion Vacations

Every year, I take Celtic music fans on an adventure of a lifetime. This is not your typical wham-bam-thank you m'aam tour. We travel in small groups. We explore the Celtic history of different regions. We don't need to see everything, because this is a vacation. Instead, our invasion brings out the relaxation and magic of our adventure. In 2018, you can join me on a Celtic Invasion of the Isle of Skye in Scotland. Sign up to the mailing list at celticinvasion.com.

  Notes:

* Helping you celebrate Celtic culture through music. My name is Marc Gunn. I am a musician and podcaster. You can share this show and find more episodes at celticmusicpodcast.com. And you can support this show on Patreon.

If you're new to this show on iTunes or elsewhere, I welcome you. My goal is to bring together small indie Celtic bands with Celtic music fans. So each week, I share an hour-long episode packed full of amazing indie Irish and Celtic music. Most of the bands, you have probably never heard of. Yes, there some that are turning heads in the Celtic music scene. But most are small. They don't have a record label. They can't afford a publicist. But the music is just as good. They deserve to be heard.

So if this show moves you, please do us all a BIG favor and SHARE IT on social media. Or tell a friend. Help spread the word.

Now with every episode I ask you to vote for your favorite bands in that episode. At the end of the year, I compile all of your favorites into this show--the Celtic Top 20. These are the Top 20 Celtic bands that you thought were the best in 2016.

When you're done listening, go cast your vote. Then listen to past episodes and to the same. You can do all of that on the website at celticmusicpodcast.com/vote/.

* CELTIC PODCAST NEWS:

We have a new YouTube Channel. To subscribe, follow this link.

If you haven't downloaded your Free Irish & Celtic Music Podcast app, go to iTunes or Amazon and do so today.

I have a free internet concert this Sunday, March 12th at 7:30pm CST. It's concert window. You can register to watch for more details. It's FREE!

I want to send out a big thanks to the patrons of the podcast. Your generous pledge of as little as $1 per episode pays for the production of this podcast as well as my time in producing the show. You will enjoy a personal podcast feed where you can listen to the show before regular subscribers, occasional extended editions of the show, and my deepest thanks. When we hit a milestone, you get a 2-hour special. Thanks to our newest patrons: Dieter Zimmerman, The QUASOR Podcast, Georg Macku, Sue Campbell, Jon Chamberlin. Thank you all for your generosity! Become a patron today!

Finally, I hope you listened to show #298: 17 for St Patrick's Day. Because you can download all 17 of those songs and tunes next Wednesday March 15th. Just subscribe to the Celtic Music Magazine to get notified about it.

* I WANT YOUR FEEDBACK:

Next episode will be released the St Patrick's Day is our 300th episode. So I want to ask you for your phone calls that I can include in that and other upcoming shows. Please call in.

What are you doing today while listening to the podcast? You can send a written comment along with a picture of what you're doing while listening. Call 678-CELT-POD to leave a voicemail message. That's 678-235-8763.

jdemonz reviewed the show on iTunes: "Great diverse selection of Celtic music. Very uplifting. I like listening to it in the mornings to start my day."

Gypsy Lee from Piatt, IL posted on Facebook: "So glad that I found this podcast! I often listen to it whilst drifting off to sleep. At the moment, I'm listening to it whilst cleaning my art studio. Thank you for all the lovelies, as it reminds me of my dear Granny, whose family came through the Appalachian Mountains from County Wicklow to settle in Illinois in the 1800's. Many blessings"

Anthony Becker posted a comment to SONIC IMPULSE and tagged us: "Heard your music on Irish & Celtic Music Podcast. Album purchased! Page liked! Hope to hear more of this amazing music in the future!"

He did the same with Ed Miller: "I heard Ed Miller on the Irish & Celtic Music Podcast and had to immediately buy an album. Now I see this page with amazing photos of Scotland! Reminds me I need to get there someday soon."

Kersti Luik commented on Patreon: "Great show, as usual. Listened while cleaning up my place. I had time to actually listen to it, not just hear it, as when I do my school work. All the best greetings to you and our fellow invaders. So sorry I have been too busy with my studies and had no time to contact, but I'm thinking about you all :) Longing to see you one day!"

  This Week in Celtic Music

0:37 "Hummingbird" by The Gothard Sisters from single

5:37 "Passing Train Juniper Jig" by Heidi-Jane Schwabe from Bonus Tracks

10:22 "Are You Alright, Liz" by Ockham's Razor from Job's Comforter

15:13 "Shandon Bells Set" by Black Market Haggis from EP

18:50 "Fiddler's Green" by Stanley & Grimm from Another Round

22:48 "Planxty Irwin" by Sarah Marie Mullen from We Brought the Summer With Us

27:44 "Strathmartine Mains (Love and Freedom)" by Skeleton McKee from Leave The World Laughing

30:02 CELTIC PODCAST NEWS

32:01 "Chloe's Passion" by Burning Bridget Cleary from These Are the Days

36:07 "I Know My Love" by Innisfall from Innisfall

39:30 "Spotted Dog/The Swallow's Tail/Donegal Lass" by Reel Treble

41:38 "Up High" by Liz Schettner from Up High (EP)

46:44 "The Fiery Warlocks" by Faerydae from Changeling

50:21 "Tonight It's Joy" by Corktown Popes from And Also With You

54:52 CELTIC FEEDBACK

57:20 "Angel" by Rachel Hair Trio from Tri

1:01:06 "Seeds of Sorrow" by Young Dubliners from Nine

1:04:08 "Obair Oidhche" by Niteworks from NW

1:09:06 "Bold O'Donahue" by Spirited Lads from Spirited Lads

1:11:40 "Lost in Cork" by Michael DeAngelis from Son of a Dunigan

1:16:52 "I Drove My Father to Drink" by Syr from Home

1:21:18 "Guinness For Two" by Steel City Rovers from Grand Misadventures

VOTE IN THE CELTIC TOP 20. It's easier than ever to do. Just list the show number, and the name of one or two bands. That's it. You can vote once for each episode help me create next year's Best Celtic music of 2016 episode.

The Irish & Celtic Music Podcast was produced by Marc Gunn, The Celtfather. To subscribe, go to iTunes or to our website where you can become a Patron of the Podcast for as little as $1 per episode. Promote Celtic culture through music at celticmusicpodcast.com.

Check out this episode!

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 503

Oh, Outlander. Le sigh.

On one hand, this episode gave me everything I’ve been wanting for 84 years a long time: Jamie and Claire, together, working as a team as the center of the episode. On the other hand, this very much did *not* feel like an episode of Outlander.

Bottle episodes are fine. The Garrison Commander, The Wedding and A. Malcolm were all basically bottle episodes. Two of those three are a couple of my favorite episodes of the whole series. This episode was like if the times the show decided to cosplay as a different genre (horror this time, rather than the political drama and military drama we’ve seen them attempt in the past) was dialed up to the point it no longer resembled an episode of the same show. From the music to the directing to p much everything.

This episode made me think that like if Outlander was a Venn diagram it would have Claire and Jamie working together as a team, them in the bulk of the episode, and a Good Episode™ of Outlander. You could have two but never all three.

(Also I hate horror movies. They’re just aggressively not jam.)

Ok but now that Marsali is Claire’s apprentice, can we have her and Fergus find out about time travel this season? Because in the books it’s like vaguely implied in MOBY but we never actually get to see that convo.

Also, yes, Marsali, Boston’s pretty rad. Not that I’m biased or anything. In addition to apparently “discovering” penicillin, we also invented Amurrica.

Shorter Claire’s VO: Idgaf about the timeline anymore. Don’t see how that can go wrong.

So was the blurry af title card Marsali practicing suturing? Why did they shoot it like that. It looks more like how they shot Mr. Beardsley’s POV rather than through the moldy bread covers or whatever it was through.

That whole intro part felt like it came from a different episode and was just tacked on to remind us that mold shenanigans are still a thing that is happening.

I do love Marsali, and her with Claire, though, but still.

SUPER SOFT FRASER FACE TOUCHING!

Ok so Jamie is only gonna do another cross burning when he calls his dudes to fight the English, right? Because he did the whole big thing like “I won’t light the flaming dildo again until we’re going to war” and now he’s raising the militia but not doing the fire part when they showed the new wicker dildo right there up high on the Ridge. So like, because that whole bit was about the men being loyal to him, he’s only gonna light it for freedom, right?

FLAMING DILDO OF FREEDOM

So Fergus using Claire’s list of medical tips as his note for the printer is def not going to come back to bite anyone in the ass. Nope. Def not.

Also I love that the whisky thing is Fergus’ thing in the show.

TEAM KEEP GIVING FERGUS AND MARSALI STUFF TO DO BECAUSE I LIKE THEM AND THE BOOKS FORGOT ABOUT THEM.

How many pigs is Marsali gonna butcher to practice her skillz? Also is Deadguy McWhatshisface still in the cellar somewhere?

Mr. Trouble! I love Germain a lot and would love more of him with Grannie and Grandda, pls and thx.

Also, would *love* some Bree and Marsali time. Maybe next episode while the bros are in Brownsville and they’re at the Ridge by themselves? Pretty please?

Ah yes, plantation jokes. In the time when those exist. And you’ve stayed at one. Come on, Bree.

Oh look, Jamie and Claire not keeping secrets from each other. Good. Well done, kids.

But they’re keeping it from Bree. Who, as the grown-ass woman at the center of the Bonnet bullshit, fucking deserves to know. So fuck y’all for not telling her.

She knows, I know that, but they think she doesn’t sooo, do better.

Lots of callback references from Jamie this season. The thing about his scars last week, Black Jack, the brand Claire cut off and his dad’s stroke this week. Ngl, the show is so different now that those references don’t even seem like they’re from the same series.

Gonna take this twin bit as an opportunity to remind everyone to watch Orphan Black.

Kezzie leaves-his-pants-for-the-kittens Beardsley, too good for this world. Too pure.

You come across a creepy fucking cabin in the woods, that you know is the home of a physically abusive fuckwad, and you immediately split up? Claire. Girl. You’ve seen horror movies.

OMG HAI CATS! I GOT ALL EXCITED THAT ADSO MIGHT BE ONE OF THE PANTS!KITTENS BUT ALAS. SOON. SOON, MY FLOOFER.

I fucking hate jump scares. Like I knew her face was gonna be in the window when Jamie turned back around, because this episode is the most trope-y horror short ever, but still. I fucking do not like horror movies, y’all, and jump scares are cheap.

Jamie on the other hand has never seen a horror movie and clearly doesn’t know that you DO NOT GO INTO THE CREEPY CABIN WITH THE CREEPY JUMP SCARE LADY.

Omfg with the banging door, it’s like they were like ok let’s read Making Horror Movies for Dummies and then put in ALL THE TROPES.

Also, this might be the one instance where the book name was better. Why the fuck would you name the goat Billy when Hiram is *clearly* a superior goat name.

CLAIRE. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING UPSTAIRS. YOU ARE THE GIRL WHO GETS KILLED FIRST IN THE HORROR MOVIE. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. STOP BEING A DUMBASS.

Oh, hey, another jump scare. I’m both bored and annoyed.

Like we finally get an episode that is centered on Jamie and Claire. Together. Team Fraser. And it’s this nonsense.

I cannot with this show, tbh.

“Poor men bleed for rich men’s gold.” Two hundred and fifty fucking years later and it’s still true, Mrs. Findlay.

Did they borrow zombie noises from The Walking Dead for this episode? I swear to fuck every time Mr. Beardsley makes a noise I’m like uhhh, what show am I watching again?

“What you must have done to deserve this.” Yeah, like don’t @ me. I know abuse is fucking wrong. But you know what? This is fucked-up-past-times. Fanny’s out here by herself with no rights and no help. Go for it, girl. Fuck that fucker up.

This season on AHS: Beardsley Farm, the dulcet sounds of afterbirth squelching.

Here I was, all pleased that we were spared Breast Milk and Periodpalooza in the premiere. I should have known better. And yes, I know it’s natural and a part of childbirth, yada yada. I watch Call the Midwife and even *they* don’t fucking squelch it like that.

The subtitles spell Baltimore “Baltimoe” and now I have Another Op’nin’, Another Show from Kiss Me, Kate stuck in my head.

Is it too much to ask that the show find some way to demonstrate the past being The Worst™ that isn’t women and children getting abused or raped or murdered by shitty men? We already know men are shitty. Men are still shitty.

Like seriously, who the fuck does Mr. Beardsley think he is, murdering all his wives for not having babies, Henry VIII?!

“Having a baby doesn’t make me a mother.” Yuppppp. You do what’s best for you, Fanny.

“And your name is Sassenach.” And she’s not even like and “that’s a weird ass name.” I lowkey love Fanny Beardsley?

I still wish they skipped this whole thing though.

Omfg Jamie. BuT tHeY wOn’T bE wItH tHeIr FaMiLy. YOU *HAVE* TO KNOW CLAIRE’S RIGHT. YOU CAN’T BE THAT FUCKING THICK. NO SHIT THE FUTURE IS SAFER. Also, they’re fucking adults. They are their own family. You left Jenny. Young Ian stayed with the Mohawk. PEOPLE GROW UP AND LEAVE AND IT’S OK.

“Maybe she’s gone to find help.” Apparently Jamie *is* that thick. Really, bro? She left to find help? Really? Fucking dumbass.

“And we’ll seek Mrs. Beardsley as we travel.” “We won’t find her.” That’s a nice way of phrasing “You’re a fucking dumbass, she’s gone and claimed her freedom for the first time in her life. Let her have that, you fuckwit.”

The shot of the leaves blowing is literally like straight out of The Walking Dead.

Also loool at the birds.

Oh hey, next week we get all the dumb Brownsville stuff! And probs little to no Claire and Jamie. Exciting times.