#and was told 'go get an ultrasound'
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It continues to be bewildering to me that I made it to 20 thinking it was just normal to have pain so bad once a month that my body decides I’m dying and need to throw up about it and then once I realized maybe that wasn’t normal we segued directly into ‘well this is almost definitely not normal but literally no medical professional I have ever brought it up to DID jack shit about it.’
#tmi#I hate that if I hit an 8 or 9 on the pain scale my body's like 'clearly this is food related and we should throw up'#migraine? time to throw up. cramps so bad I want to die? let's make it worse by needing to uncurl and move.#broken leg being a bitch? you're not going to believe this body that is NOT RELATED TO ANYTHING WE ATE.#also this is news to no one whatsoever but dehydration helps in exactly 0 of these situations#anyway this brought to you by the fact that I spent yesterday unable to keep down the ibuprofen that would have made it suck less#I hate that dysmenorrhea is so trivialized#the first time I brought it up they were like 'go get an ultrasound. ultrasound is normal. you're fine'#and it's like 'I'm really not actually????'#and I brought it up to my new doctor last year#and was told 'go get an ultrasound'#done that! found nothing! it's apparently working as intended it just also makes me pray for death like 2 weeks out of the year!#which I understand is unimportant to anyone but me BUT I DO IN FACT KIND OF OBJECT TO THIS
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doctor confirmed that 👉 this guy 👈 got pcos and i just got an implant to at the very least get my whacky periods under control and hopefully get them to stop entirely
#i also have thought about how i was cared for today#i go to a free place that has rotating doctors so i didnt see the same one that told me to get a ultrasound of my ovaries + blood test#previous one was a cis woman and she insisted me having multiple cysts on my ovary (that was double in size to the other one) wasnt enough#(for a pcos diagnosis) so she insisted i redo my blood test on the 2nd day of my period#which i didnt realise at the time is dumb as hell cause my periods are so chaotic im not even sure when they start and when they stop#the doc i saw today was a trans doctor (using iel in french! love to see it) and after i explained my situation was like#well theres no point to check your hormones here since we dont have a point of reference#and your ultrasound shows you have multiple cysts in your ovary so thats pcos#then explained to me what that does to your body & all that its not dangerous per say but its good to monitor and take hormones to help#and i said i was already considering the implant to stop my periods and they said that can be arranged today#told me the other alternatives and the risks associated with the implant but tbh my choice was already made#i mean of course idk how much cisness and transness has anything to do with this#but i had seen another cis doctor about my periods being whack when they started being whack#and he did an ultrasound saw nothing and was like “well nothing wrong with you” and that was the end of it#i definitely felt more comfortable and better cared for in the hands of a peer#(also i had to try three pharmacy to get the implant cause the other ones were out of it#walked way more today than planned but good day regardless!)
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my fucking spleen ??? really ?? the fuck even is a spleen ????
#🫀.vents#apparently we have a slightly low platelet count#so they're making us get an ultrasound#which is not gonna be good but whatever#also heard the doctor get audibly mad at me because she wants us to go on antidepressants and I said no way#and she seems to think I'm just being petulant but in reality i have a crippling fear of medication#because ocd#which we told her about but she didn't believe#but whatever#so anyway I'm fairly certain I have cancer now#that's my takeaway
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I also lost my cat recently. it's horrible. take care of yourself, ok? you'll be ok.
yeah dude its fucking awful... im sorry for your loss too :( i wish they could live forever with us. or at least as much as possible.... my boy wasnt even a senior, he was around 10 years old and i had had him for 8..
#like if he had been like 12... id be like okay he's an old kitty...this was gonna happen#but i wasnt prepared for it to happen like this. i was so desperate that nothing i did could help him#nothing helped. no ultrasound no x ray no cardiology check up no blood test no antibiotics. nothing could figure out what was wrong#and then it was too late. just that whole situation (been going on since june) had me so crazy#and then this last month was a fucking nightmare it happened so fast. like i wasnt prepared#u cant ever be prepared i guess... but idk i wish it wouldve been different#i wish he had died of old age instead. or at least i wish we knew what caused him to be so sick.#like if i was told its idk. cancer. and its taken over and hes gonna die#it wouldve been awful too. of course. but i wouldve known. i wouldve been told.#i wouldnt have had to watch him get to the point he got and accept that whatever he had. it didnt matter anymore. because it beat him.#it sucks so bad it sucks so bad. its so unfair.#sorry for venting in my tags ig. whatever. fuck everything this world is fucked and evil#personal
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Gonna be 25 soon and all that I did was find out that I may have pcos 💀
#wELP at least I’m getting answers to what’s been concerning me since may#and it’s either that or some hormonal imbalance apparently but I have an ultrasound scheduled mid November#so I should get solid answers soon#but what made it funnier is when I told my friends we were laughing about how we all have either pcos or endometriosis#like damn the odds really said y’all are gonna be a little too in sync with each other and ya problems#but seriously getting slapped with some medical issues ontop of struggling with job hunting ain’t fun#LORD PLEASE JUST SEND ME SOMETHING FUCKING GOOD#I SWEAR ILL START GOING TO CHURCH MORE
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#chronic blogging#current emotion#post-hysto pain has been getting steadily worse over the last month & is now accompanied by near constant nausea#can't even do my PT stretches anymore bc of how bad it hurts#so on monday i finally had a FUCK IT IT'S TANTRUM TIME#and checked myself into urgent care for severe abdominal pains#which finally fucking FINALLY resulted in a referral for a second opinion from a different gyno surgeon#who i hope will finally run the ultrasound & CT scan i've been begging other healthcare providers for for months#THERE IS SOMETHING EXTREMELY WRONG WITH MY BODY AND NOBODY IS LISTENING TO ME AND I'M FED UP WITH PRETENDING#THAT EVERYTHING IS WITHIN NORMAL PARAMETERS AND I JUST NEED TO BE PATIENT FOR HEALING & PRACTICE SELF CARE#watching the urgent care PA's face journey as i explained my symptoms how long i've had them & how apathetic my surgeon's response has been#was so incredibly vindicating & cathartic. she gave me a tactful 'i don't necessarily agree with that assessment......'#told me i have already been doing everything she would've recommended & we're long overdue for a second opinion since it isn't helping#and gave me her blessing to go pitch a fit in the ER if my symptoms get any worse before my appointment with the new surgeon#i'm EXHAUSTED and i'm SCARED and it's ABOUT GODDAMN TIME someone in medicine listened to me & took me seriously#been hovering in the 4-7 range on this chart for a disgusting amount of time. now i'm locked in at 8+ and not backing down
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i found out my bestie is pregnant at brunch today and cried so hard i scared the fuck out of our poor waitress
#like i was so happy the tears came bursting out of my and my friend is used to that so she was laughing at me#and the server looked like she was about to defend my honor cuz from her vantage point this girl was laughing at her friend sobbing#BUT IM GOING TO BE AN AUNTIE!!!!!#she has lupus and her doctor basically told her the chemo was going to make her infertilite but suck my dick doctor!!!#RAAAAHHHHHHG SHES GONNA FIND OUT THE SEX BEXT WEEK AND IMMA GET A LIL ULTRASOUND TO PUT AT MY DESK 🥹🥹🥹😭😭
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was wondering why i was suddenly experiencing such a bizarre pain and then remembered i have a silly little psychosomatic (?) condition (?) where that just happens if i'm stressed enough and funny enough i've been very stressed lately. at least that's what i'm telling myself it is and they did actually do the diagnostics on this one and found nothing fr so. ?
#i developed this after having a pathological fear of appendicitis for years when i was younger i started getting lower right abdominal pain#and it freaked me out so much and they did an ultrasound and said nothing is wrong you're making it up you should try not being stressed#(they did not medicate me for depression or anxiety until some time after this )#anyway i was pretty skeptical of that but then they just recently did another ultrasound and the mri and there really was nothing there#(although she told me i had to get surgery after the ultrasound but mri didn't show anything so i'm assuming she's going to correct herself#at my follow up next week) and i feel like those are pretty conclusive diagnostics so idk i guess i really am making this one up#it was much much worse when i was younger it doesn't happen nearly as much now but it kind of hurts a lot i'm a wimp about organ pain#anyway. here's my medical oversharing post for today good night#me
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Anyway shout out to all the eight thousand medical professionals I've had to interact with in the course of this miscarriage who have had to deal with A Man (confusing) having a Miscarriage (deeply tragic and a delicate topic) who won't stop compulsively making jokes about it (???)
I GET that as a professional they can never risk misinterpreting something as a joke and doing a polite chuckle right before the patient bursts into tears but it is unlocking something in me and unfortunately. That something is More Jokes About The Miscarriage Currently Occurring
#me after every one of these appointments to my spouse sadly:#they didn't laugh at my miscarriage jokes#tw:miscarriage#HUMOR IS A HIGHER COPING MECHANISM ACTUALLY#ACTUALLY the only fully humorless person was the second ultrasound tech#who was an asshole on the phone anyway#and did NOT enjoy my “bet you want to make real sure you're giving the right person a transvaginal ultrasound huh” after she confirmed my#identity#so it's her own fault that after she told me to be careful getting off the table I couldn't hit her with the ole#what's it going to do#cause a miscarriage?
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The high ALP I mentioned that Taylor has….is just a normal senior thing. The ultrasound vet said every one of her organs looks normal and perfect and that even if it goes into the thousands range she isn’t worried unless Taylor starts acting sick. She even said she’d recommend we not refill the denamarin and just let it run out because it doesn’t do much for the benign ALP levels.
Did I mention I also freaked out and thought Taylor had DM because she had…normal senior tremors? Specially when she’s excited/stressed/tired? My vet had to talk me down from the ledge with that too lmao
It’s just so weird having a senior dog with (knock on wood) no health issues that is just showing normal signs of aging. I’m used to either them just acting tired and no other signs of aging until they drop, OR getting chronic health issues early into senior hood. Having a senior dog that has all the energy of a four year old but has these quirks I just need to warn people are normal is weird
#Ian is getting her a pup cup and I’m just like..good luck she is just as loud as she always has been#excuse her nails she’s due for her spa day soon#Taylor#boxer dog#senior dog#I don’t think I’m gonna stop worrying over minor issues anytime soon#the internal specialist even was like I’m surprised your vet told you to get an ultrasound with just high alp and being healthy otherwise#she’s being very careful and I was like no that was me#I annoy my poor vet into getting all the extra tests by always being worried#I’m pretty sure they have a note in the chart to just go ahead and send me copies of her bloodwork lmao
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got discharged from the er home and showered i was there umm like nine hours. my final message: fibroid warriors assemble! not for long tho (hysterectomy this yr, maybe i can get it pushed up now lmao)
#i got a lot of scans and labs everything looked good except i said hey do i have endometriosis or something and the docs said maybe lets#look. came back after a couple ultrasounds and were like well we cant diagnose u bcuz it needs a camera but looks like u hve fibroids#well i was KIND of right okay!#anyway i dont rly have specific and exact answers they just told me a lot of things it ISNT and said i wasnt in like#a life threatening dangerous situation rn everything seems like ok im just in pain. so gonna go to my doc app on thursday#they might order a ct scan. the hospital was backed up it was so fucking busy they fucked up and discharged me early and didnt tell me and#had to resign me back in hours later after id been waiting there i had to get in the queue again t was a whole thing.#anyway my point w that was the ct scan thingy was a 6 hour wait they said#and i was like. nah. ill wait. the doc on thurs can order one and get me in like a walk-in why would i not sleep tonight#and spend more time in the er aka the scariest place in the world
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#btw i have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to get a second opinion on the lump i found in my breast last year so. send good vibes please.#i'm less scared this time bc im pretty sure it's fine but honestly i keep seeing tiktoks of women being told they just had a cyst#and then later finding out that it was um. not a cyst.#so my anxiety is going CRAZY and i just want to make absolutely sure.#nothing's changed all my blood tests have been normal (or not abnormal in That Way yk) and my ultrasound showed nothing#but i worry. this is the mental illness website you get it.
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Nah i just burst out laughing seeing somewhere that tender/swollen lymph nodes in… exactly the places I have them can be a symptom of chronic fatigue syndrome. Oh besties we are filling up that bingo card I see… more tests to come but oh my fucking god…
#that fun phase where you’ve been diagnosed with ‘chronic fatigue’ as a *symptom* but not CFS bc you’re going for tests to rule shit out#not to self diagnose but uhhmmmmm SUSPICIOUS LOL#anyway I have an ultrasound for said lymph nodes tomorrow…#blood tests soon that I’m trying not to think about bc I’m having several tests run and they’ll probs need several vials#only hot bitches get the reclining chair for blood draws bc they get woozy ok. they told me it’s for bad bitches only you wouldn’t get it.#cape town rambles#health update
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hate that breathing issues mean that taking a shower leaves me nearly passing out keep ending up in the loop of "ok, i dont feel good/im bored, i want to go out and do something today. maybe shop for groceries. lemme shower first" and then by the time im out of the shower i feel like im about to keel over and die
#i legit have never known whether its Asthma or just Extremely Bad Allergies#i know i have the latter but the former hasnt ever been confirmed directly#when i was a kid they put me in the like 'asthma training class' or w/e. where you learn how to use an inhaler and stuff#and i was told smth along the lines of 'you have asthma but it affects you differently' or something like that. idr at this point#either way i have had chronic breathing issues and it fucking sucks#apparently my lungs are also fucking Massive as a result. which i learned from an ultrasound i had to get#so thats. neat? i guess??#idk why im typing all this in the first place also. i just woke up and wanted to go get groceries (have been wanting to for a while)#and the act of Taking A Shower completely removed my ability to do that anytime soon. which is frustrating as hell#also wasnt great for my arms. cause ive got issues with Those too!! of course!!!! but thats a whole other thing#idk i want to be able to Function god dammit. i need to do things
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we think kc might be hapū (& if she is, she's barely showing & at the very end) & this causes a couple issues. one. i do not want to be looking after a newborn i am already so tired. two. she feels safest with me & would probably give birth on my bed which i, it goes without saying, really, really don't want to happen
#rj speaks#kc#'just go to the vet & get an ultrasound' i do not have a spare $300 & i'm certainly not#wasting 300 essential dollars to be told she's just needy#she definitely thinks she's hapū though#the little slag
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#holy shit I was so worried about the doctors appointment with the cyst today#but finally good news!!! I’m so relieved!!! ;u;#my regular doctor is out for several months so they sent me to someone else and I liked her so much more???#she gave me stronger pain meds without me even asking#gave me more information that the er forgot to tell me#we said I had a cyst she was like well you did but it burst while you were in the er#she doesn’t think I’ll need surgery but they’re gonna do another ultrasound in 3 months to make sure everything healed properly#and that there weren’t any other u dwelling problems#she’s also gonna let me get my fallopian tubes removed!!! ;u;#my other doctor wouldn’t let me do it- my friend just had hers taken out and I was gonna go to the doctor that did hers but#she said she’s childfeee herself and believes it is 100% the patients choice#and she even said I can keep using the iud even if I get them removed to treat the endometriosis and to keep stopping my periods#IM GONNA CRY#DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IVE STRUGGLED? DO YOU KNOW HIW MANG TIMES IVE BEEN TOLD NO???#IM SO FUCKING RELIEVED!!!!!! ;u;#AHHHHHHHHH#LIFES BEEN SHIT FOR SO LONG THIS IS HUGE#IM GONNA CRY IM SO RELIEVED AN DHAPLY OMG
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