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angry-geese · 3 years ago

Text

To You Someday

Choso x Reader

Warnings: sfw. mention of periods, and blood, but overall its sfw. afab reader.

Summary: some very self indulgent fluff with choso comforting the reader when they're on their period. i needed a bit of fluff to balance out the fact that for the last like month ive posted nothing but smut

Word Count: 1.7k

Without fail, once a month you have this conversation. And once a month, without fail, he thinks you're dying.

He didn't quite understand the first time you explained it. You aren't dying, which is what caught him most off guard. He saw the slightest bit of blood on the sheets once—an accident really, you didn't know your period had started until a few hours after it happened—and quite literally thought you were dying. You spent a while explaining to a frantic, grieving Choso that you weren't about to die. Nobody can bleed for that long and not die. You have to tell him that you, in fact, can, and that this is something a lot of people deal with. He gets that it's normal, but seeing you in pain stresses him out.

It doesn't seem to matter how many times you tell him to not fuss over you, he always will. Worrying is in his nature. You're precious to him, he's not about to let you slip through his fingers. God forbid you try to lift something heavy, or try to do anything physically taxing. Choso insists on doing everything for you. However well meaning, his presence is a bit suffocating at times.

Having spent most of his life in a test tube, with only the faintest notion of what goes on around him, modern life was a bit of a shock. He had little notion of how the modern world works. Everything seems to happen so fast, the world is so loud and bright and busy. He’s overwhelmed. It feels like the second he gets the hang of one thing, something else comes up entirely. But even as he’s frustrated, or down on himself for not getting something, you’re always there to comfort him. You never judge him for needing help.

You like to think he’s adjusted well over the past year. With the help of you and Yuji, he’s settled into a normal(ish) life. It’s hard to consider life normal when you’re constantly dealing with curses, but there’s some sense of normalcy to it.

You were one of the first people to help him. It was a long process. Even today he’s still adjusting as the world changes around him. He owes you a debt he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to pay you back for. You tell him he doesn't owe you anything, but he still insists on paying you back. With what, he’s not certain yet.

He didn't understand his feelings for you at first. Choso cared about you deeply—he cared about Yuji—but his love for you was so much different than his love for his brother. Choso has always been affectionate. Not just to Yuji, but to you too. When you spend so much time together, it's hard to not love someone, even if just a little bit. He saw you as a friend; and then he didn't.

He found his every waking moment consumed by the thought of you. You weaved your way into every corner of his mind. From the moment he woke up, to the moment he shut his eyes, he was thinking of—or seeing things—that reminded him of you. Even in his dreams too. You made his heart race every time you talked to him, to the point he thought he was dying. Everything made his heart flutter. His brother had to explain to him that no- that's normal when you have a crush.

He loved you.

He’s never been so in-love.

He was head-over-heels, in fact. He still is. Even as you moved past the honeymoon phase of your relationship, he still was so hopelessly in love. Maybe it never ended, the two of you only grew used to being around each other. The others constantly make remarks about how they’ve never seen two people so in-love.

Yuji was the first to help him figure out his feelings. Choso had no clue what a crush was. He knew he wanted something more than friendship. He wasn't sure what. But he wanted it. Though you were less vocal with your feelings, everyone around you knew. From lingering gazes, to your eagerness to spend time with him, it was obvious. It seemed like everyone but the both of you knew.

Yuji wanted to help him plan some big reveal. He spent weeks scheming an elaborate plan. It had to be special. He wanted it to be a big day for the two of you. He wanted you to know, but he wanted his reveal to be special.

Choso’s confession was entirely accidental.

You had come back from a job injured. It wasn't anything fatal, but he had warned you not to go alone, and in turn spent the entire day worrying about you. So when he came back to find you bleeding out all over your bathroom counter, he panicked. A little blood never bothered him. Until it was your blood. He pulled you into an impulsive kiss.

And when he told you how he felt, you grinned wider than he’d ever seen. He wasn't surprised that you felt the same way, more that he was relieved. Surprise isn't the right word for it. Yuji let it slip that you felt the same way.

It’s become a nightly routine for the two of you. In the evening, while watching a movie or getting settled down for the night, he’ll have you play with his hair. He says it helps him sleep. You can believe it. He’s usually knocked out within minutes of you starting. Tonight is no different. He drags you out into the living room, sitting you down on the couch. He picked the movie- one recommended by Yuji. It was a bit longer than you usually watch, but you don't have anything planned tomorrow, so you don't mind staying up a bit late. Work can wait. You deserve a day off.

As you settle into your nightly routine, he’s by your side, insisting on helping you. His presence is a bit more overbearing than usual, but you don't think much of it. It doesn't take him long to get comfortable, settled between your legs, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Choso’s head leans back against your stomach, hands folded in his lap. He lets out a soft sigh as you comb his hair out of his face with your fingers, tucking it behind his ear. Your nails are getting long, and feel nice against his scalp. His hair is softer than it looks. It's getting long- it's past his shoulders now. Goosebumps raise along his shoulders as your fingers brush across his skin.

You’re the first person to touch him in such a way. You’re the first to hold him like he’s precious. Before you, his only physical contact was from fighting. Affection in such a way was completely foreign to him. He was touch starved, to say the least.

And then you came along and looked at him like he was the world.

He shifts so he’s nearly sitting in your lap, arms looped around your neck. His face buries in yours—his—shirt. Choso has lots of baggy, comfy clothes that you constantly steal. It smells like you, and laundry soap, and a bit of your shampoo. He likes letting you borrow them, you always return them smelling like you. As his head leans against your chest, he can hear your heartbeat. It's steady, but picks up in pace as he stretches to press a kiss to your lips. Blush dusts his cheeks, turning the tips of his ears and nose pink.

Choso runs cold naturally. Most of the time he refuses to cuddle unless you’re wrapped in blankets. You have to reassure him that you’re not as fragile as he seems to think you are. He knows. But that doesn't stop him from worrying.

Painkillers weren't exactly working. The pain is manageable, albeit coming and going in waves. Manageable is about the best things get. Choso seems to know something is up before you do. Call it a sixth sense or whatnot. Though you don't appear to be ill, you're not acting like your usual self. He doesn't remember you getting injured. You're acting like you're injured. That worries him greatly.

"You're hurt?" He asks.

“I’m just a bit tired.” You say. "It's nothing to worry about."

Slowly he untangles himself from your limbs. You try to pull him back into your lap, but let him go when he insists.

“Let me take care of you,” he says, gently pushing your shoulders back.

There’s no use arguing. He’s hellbent in his ways, especially when they come to you.

You wouldn't say you were paying attention to the movie, so much as you were present for it's duration. You flop back on the couch, your attention turned to the tv.

He tries to remember everything you normally do that helps. Heating pads, tea, fluffy blankets and extra pillows. Small creature comforts he’s never really lived with before. He didn't see a need for them until he had them, and then he found himself unable to live without them.

Choso disappears into the kitchen for a moment, returning with a cup of tea, and a heating pad. Heat helps sore muscles. As he settles back onto the couch, he pulls you into his lap, his arms wrapping around your waist, your back against his chest. The warmth helps with your cramps a bit. The heat feels nice against your sore muscles.

His fingers trace across your skin, memorizing every inch of your body like he’s reading a book of braille, soft and loving. Choso isn't shy in how he appreciates your body. He could spend hours running his hands over your body, tracing every dip and curve of your form. He wants to know your body better than he does his own; what you like, how you feel, what you taste like. In public he has to have an arm around you, or his fingers laced with yours. Everyone has to know you’re his.

One of your hands finds his, your fingers lacing together. He holds your hand to his cheek before planting a kiss on your knuckles. Soft locks of his hair pool around his head, tickling your neck.

He’s never been so hopelessly in love.

Though your eyelids begin to feel heavy, you still fight to stay awake. He pulls the blanket from the back of the couch, tucking it around you. The warmth, combined with the feeling of his arms around you, threatens to lull you to sleep.

Choso is there when you fall asleep. And he’ll be there long after you wake up.

#jjk x reader #choso kamo x reader #choso x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen #cw periods #cw blood #choso #choso fluff

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gentil-minou · 3 years ago

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Hi this is a personal ask please feel free to ignore this if you dont want to respond I will take no offense and completely understand.

This is both rant and more of an absolute no idea what to do so resources would help situation.

My best friend is probably depressed, and ive been the only person who cares enough to help them with it. Our friends have turned their back in one way or another and our families have basically said deal with it on your own. So I cant go to anyone for help, i talk to a few people a little bit abt taking care of my friend but theyre not people who can physically help us. My problem is just I’m running out of patience and im frusterated and stressed and upset. I dont blame my friend for any of their problems and im trying my absolute best to take care of them while taking care of myself but im running out of steam and I dont have any way to safely recharge without hurting them? Cuz if i take a break there is no one willing to step in so that I can recharge and come back to help. My friend is aware that I do need to take breaks but they arent exactly in the mindset to realize well how much Im stretching myself to help.

A lot of the resources ive looked at say: find a support group! Except I cant turn to my friends or family for this so I dont know what my other options are, I would absolutely love any resources that might help.

Hey anon, this isn't too personal or triggering so don't worry i will do my best.

First of all, I want to praise you for trying your best all this time to support your friend, but most of all I'm so so so proud of you for recognizing when you are reaching your limits. You're doing so much for your friend, and it's amazing but can be something so taxing. And speaking as someone who was like your friend, they are likely so grateful for you even if they don't show it, and maybe they don't realize how scared you must be but I think one day they will.

I talked about ways to find support for yourself when you don't have access to therapy here:

But in your case the thing I need to say is: dont be afraid to get an adult or parents or counselor or even in the worst case call them an ambulance.

You didn't mention your age but when a client comes to me with this sort of thing the first thing I tell them is to tell an adult like a school counseolr/teacher or even your/their parents. This might seem really scary, because it feels like a breech of trust but that means nothing when someone's life is on the line.

Second, encourage your friend to get professional support and explain her you've been feeling. Let them know, with as much love and care as possible, "I love you and I really want to help you, but I need to take care of myself too. How can I help you get the help you need?"

I once had a friend sit with me as I made my first therapy appointment. That friend also held my hand and walked with me to that appointment, and then waited for me outside. And that was the best help o ever got. Let your friend know you want to help them and show them that you can. Sit with them on voice chat while they call the therapist. Wait outside the counselors office. Do all that you can to help them, but most of all let yourself and them acknowledge that you aren't the one who can help them but that you can still be there for them by being their friend.

Finally, search for "crisis services near me". Show them to your friend and encourage them to call thoae hotlines (the natuonal suicide hotline has saved my life multiple times). Next time they go to you for support and its too much for you, let them know and tell them "hey I'm going to call them and sit with you while you talk to them."

The line between friend and therapist can get blurry, but that's why it's important to set your boundaries. And remember that you need to care for yourself first of all.

#sorry if this was too rambly #i really do wish you all the best darling #even i make sure to limit how often i check my voicemail/email when im off the clock #you arent trained to be a therapist and you shouldnt have to be #mental health #asked and answered #tw 'depression'#tw 'burnout'

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ad1thi · 4 years ago

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underrated stevetony fics rec list (P1)

i feel like a lot of really good stevetony fics get swept under the rug because this is such a big fandom and sometimes people miss out on quality content?? so this is a rec list of some of the stevetony fics i feel like everybody should have read/ be reading

Edit (31.12.2020): this got very long (i had almost 50 fics on my list, so ive decided to split this list into two parts. part 2 will be out soon!!)

Edit (20.02.2021): part 2 is out now!!

picture me in the trees: @ifmywishescametrue

Tony and Steve were childhood friends that almost became more, but Tony moved and they lost their chance. Thirteen years later, a chance meeting brings Tony back into Steve's life.

Free: @iwanttopizzamanyou

"Steve reads, and the words dance in front of his eyes, because while this used to be his dream, what he wanted, all he can think about is how this Hell will soon become his full time life."

Steve discovers fame, with fans waiting for him in the lobby and girls passing him their numbers after the shows. It used to be what he wanted, he supposes. Except his future managers keep asking more and more from him, and he's not sure his old life will survive. Tony is ready to help, and compromise, but Steve maybe isn't anymore.

making it work: @/ironarm

“Just tell him you don’t want to see him anymore,” Clint replies, finishing the end of his burger and starting to crumple up the wrapper, “It’s not like you love him or anything.”

“Clint, if I thought I could get rid of him about a week ago, I would have. But for some fucked up reason, I can’t lie to him. It’s like, I see those baby blue eyes, and bam. Whatever barrier that I built up from childhood trauma is gone.”

Clint chokes on the last piece of his burger, almost resisting the urge to smack Tony on the side of his head.

Tony was a fucking idiot.

Boys Like Us: @naferty

The video had been a mistake. One of the biggest mistakes he had ever done in his life, and considering Tony Stark had done a bunch of shit in his younger years, and even older years, that was saying something.

It was just that none of those things were as embarrassing as that video.

He blamed Clint for everything

Stained Fingertips: @thesoundofnat

“I don’t really believe in magic,” he said, clearing his throat. “But I’m almost certain you’re a goddamn wizard, Steve Rogers.”

Steve would remember those words for the rest of his life.

(Or, Steve is maybe slightly obsessed with drawing Tony. Not that Tony minds.)

Inhale, Ex-Sail: @summerpipedream

"Rich pirates decked out in top-of-the-line black market gear,” grumbled Tony, ”why don’t I have the budget to make those again?’

Rhodey inched back so that he and Tony were back-to-back. “We’re apparently law abiding citizens now, which means having to pay taxes.”

Tony scowled. “Urg, right. Remind me why I wanted to do that again?”

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “What was it you called him last time? Your sweet tart? Your apple pie in the sky? The wind beneath your wings? Hopefully he’ll fly here fast enough so we don’t get killed. Or worse, mugged.”

Tony Stark Bingo K1 - AU: Steampunk

As Constant As A Star: @atsadi

The Swan Princess AU

As young children, Prince Anthony and Princess Natasha of neighboring Midgardian kingdoms are betrothed, and spend their summers together every year until they are wed. Tony adores his headstrong friend Nat: it’s her scowly little companion Steve he’s not thrilled about at first. But soon Steve goes from being a thorn in Tony’s side to being his dearest friend – and much, much more than that. Despite Steve feeling the same way about Tony, the pair still dance around each other for years as Steve struggles to accept his feelings for another man: especially one already betrothed to another. Not to mention that Tony is a prince, and Steve is nothing but a squire.

But before they can make peace, Tony is kidnapped and dragged into the beginnings of another conflict in the nearby magical kingdom of Asgard – he really hates magic. With his potential usefulness diminishing by the day, Tony races to escape even as Steve, Natasha, and their friends race to find him and bring him home.

And—just to make matters worse—Tony has been trapped by a powerful spell and turned into a swan, of all creatures. He really, really hates magic.

Always Yours: @hollyjollyhope

Getting kidnapped is normal for them, at this point. But there's nothing normal about this.

And suddenly, Tony has a choice to make.

Oxeye Daisy (patience): @s-horne

“You make me want things I can’t have.”

Steve startled at the voice from behind him and turned around to see Tony standing in the kitchen doorway. He stared straight at Tony for a long moment. The room was quiet, time stretching out in a thick and uncomfortable silence as neither man dare to move nor opened his mouth to speak first.

White Clover (a promise): @s-horne

“Hey, sweetheart.”

Tony lifted his head as he tried to focus on Steve’s voice. When he managed to open his eyes and blink a bit of the blurriness away, he was rewarded with a gentle smile being shone down at him.

“There you are,” Steve said. “Was worried I was going to have to talk to myself.”

Though his tone was light, Tony knew what he meant. It was no secret that Tony was physically weaker and a hell of a lot more human than Steve was and was therefore struggling more with the lack of regular nourishment that came with being held hostage.

“Course not,” Tony said back, voice hoarse but plastering a smile on his face all the same. His head was pounding and his eyes couldn't stay open. “Would I ever do that to you? You’d never get a sensible answer.”

Acta non verba: @firebrands

unapologetic fluff about two idiots who can barely keep it together with how hard they're crushing on each other

or:

tony has to help steve with math + a halloween party = a good time for everyone, eventually

you take me higher than the rest (everybody else is second best): @firebrands

tumblr fill for adi & anthonydarling, who asked for "'Prank' war, but the kind to see who can make the other blush the most in public" from this prompt list

Adjacent, Against, Upon: @firebrands

A political AU!

Steve Rogers is running as the Mayor of somewhere, America. Tony Stark, his campaign manager, deals with a candidate who isn’t interested in lying, and just wants to do good by these citizens, god damn it.

song of unrest: @omg-just-peachy

How was Steve supposed to reconcile all of this? The way he looked so different but still felt so much the same? It made Steve’s head spin. He knows he shouldn’t care so much, that he is what he is, but he just wants to know.

Paint The Town Blue: @omg-just-peachy

Ten years since he’d seen or spoken to Tony Stark, ten years since they’d broken up to go away to school. And now this email. It could be his only chance to see Tony again.

Camelot: @weethreequarter

For one shining moment, there was Camelot.

In 2019, Karen Page meets Captain Steve Rogers to conduct an exclusive interview on his late husband, President Tony Stark.

In 2007, Steve meets Senator Tony Stark and falls in love.

he thinks he’s lancelot (but he’s more of a sir lamorak): @theotherwasdeath

Tony knows firsthand that violence isn’t funny. So why oh why does he think that the scene playing out in front of him, Steve and Victor Von Doom in a knock-out, drag-down fist fight, is absolutely hilarious?

wildflowers: @tinytonysnark

“So,” Steve begins, clapping his hands together, “the city of SHIELD is in debt. The big ups have sent for financial advisors, all the way from DC! They’re gonna take a look at the city’s spending and make some cuts.”

He squints at the camera against the morning sun shining through the courtyard, “I’m not that worried. Everyone here in the parks department is an important member of the team and absolutely needed.”

The camera swings towards the office where from the large glass window, Natasha can be seen picking up the ringing phone before immediately slamming it back down onto the receiver.

[A Parks and Rec AU]

trinkets of your affection: @starklysteve

Kissed him once for every year I loved him, Steve had written.

By that count, Steve owes him five more kisses now.

Tony traces the words, hands trembling, and tips back a shot of Howard's ancient whiskey. None of it burns anymore.

One day, he'll have lived more days without Steve than there are words in the diary.

For the first time since he'd woken with shrapnel in his chest, Tony fears the future.

----------

Or, five things Tony keeps to remember Steve by, and one thing Steve gives him to remember.

#adi's rec list #stevetony #superhusbands #steve rogers x tony stark #steve rogers/tony stark #steve x tony #steve/tony #underrated stevetony fics #this is part 1 of this rec list #part two will be out soon!!#im planning on doing this for other ships!!#so let me know if there's any ships you wanna see this for

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saintobio · 3 years ago

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my first ask ( aaaaaa :D )!!

firstly, thank you so much for a great chapter this week, and all the chapters you’ve given us prior. you said you’re not satisfied with your writing, but your story may be one of the best ive ever read. up until i came across SN, i had never found a good chaptered x reader that interested me like SN did ( and im a pretty picky reader lmao ). so, even if you doubt yourself, i ( and im sure lots of others do ) think your writing is amazing.

secondly, ive thought about this for a while, but there’s certain songs i associate with SN and it’s characters now! recently, ive really been associating the song “Dark Red” by Steve Lacy with SN gojo and his feelings towards yn. especially the chorus : “Don't you give me up, please don't give up on me, I belong, with you, and only you, baby. only you, my girl, only you, babe x3, only you, darling, only you”. the fact that gojo practically says this to yn in the new chapter too ): . the song in its entirety describes his emotions towards his wife perfectly, but those lines in particular spoke to me the most ( you should listen to the song if you haven’t before. it’s been on tiktok a lot recently, so u may have already heard it!). another song i associate with SN is “Cameras/Good Ones Go” by Drake, which also has something to do with gojo lol. when it comes to “cameras”, i envision gojo saying the lyrics to sera (i thought about this long before he'd broken things off with her). like hes trying to console her. the lyrics, "Baby girl you need to stop it all that pride and self esteem got you angry about this girl I'm with in all them magazines” , “it looks like we’re in love but only on camera” give me flashbacks to when gojo was actually in love with sera, and made promises to leave his wife for her. after all, it was all supposed to be for show ( for the “cameras” when put in perspective of the song ) but that’s not the case now. for the second song, “good ones go”, I loosely connected it to gojo and yn, and I think the title is pretty self explanatory as to why asjdj. there’s a couple of other songs, but another main one is “Come into the water” by Mitski which I associate with yn and gojo. don’t worry, i won’t go into a full on analysis LMAOSOS but if you’re curious as to why, you should listen to the song and ALSOO look at the meaning of it :D

once again, thank you so much for this weeks chapter and your hard work. i know you get lots of asks as soon as your box opens ( I mean, here i am LMAO ), and i wont mind if you cant get to mine!! i hope you aren’t feeling too overwhelmed especially since you’ve been on such a consistent updating schedule. i also hope you’re taking care of yourself and your physical as well as mental well-being. supporting you always! <3

long compilation below

Anonymous said

I KNEW IT SMH I KNEW SHE WAS CRAZY. AND FUCK YUUTA CAUSE HE SHOULDA SAID SOMETHJNG.

But anyways...

The way that sera rly just cannot keep yn out her mouth 😒 and atp she just needs to start paying taxes on it. like its too expensive to just be tossed around like that babe🙄☝🏾 I feel like for someone "broke" she sure is worried about everything BUT getting her own money. And thats another thing.... SHES NOT BROKE FR. SHES JUST NORMAL. IDK WHY SHES SO PRESSED ABOUT IT. Idk if cursing yn is rly gonna get u more gains but whatever

I felt yn in this chapter tho cause I am so weak when it comes to emotions. Like if my mind was made up and then he goes and does that I would not know what to do. Cause like you did all this shit but at the same time youre dealing with your own shit. I just think it was unfair to yn.

Lastly eucalyptus can die in a hole cause who does that to an old woman. And so can gojos dad cause he's old and probably smells like someone tried to spray expensive cologne over a fart cloud😖

I get so sad whenever a chapter ends cause I wanna read more😭😭Im so impatient but it's literally worth the wait. Love your writing bae keep up the good work but only after you catch up on the zzs💗

@girlruby23 said

FINALLY GOT TO AN OPEN ASK😭

SAINT ITS BEEN THAT I WANT TO APPRECIATE YOUR WRITING.. YOUR WORK IS ASTOUNDING AND IT GIVES ME CHILLS EVERYTIME I READ IT .SN is one of the highlight of my week(sry for all caps, those are just my emotions) i had a question that i asked before but maybe it didnt reach you.

Do you believe in foreshadowing, have you foreshadowed something in any chapters that someone caught on perfectly?

Also sry im asking again but how many chapters are there for S1?

Also saint please take care. I know youve had a rough week with your health issues. So look after yourself. LOTS OF LOVE ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@oikawaandkuroostan said

A wonderful chapter, once again. Just, wow.

I am so amazed once again by how you portrayed Gojo and Y/N's changing dynamic, as well as adding the childhood flashbacks to show how connected they were.

TW for mention of abuse and violence below:

I was truly heartbroken to see when Gojo was begging for Y/N to hit him and scream at him. I know it was written in the story about how shocked y/n was when she realized how he was willing to subject himself to the abuse. Like, oh my god, it really hit me hard. I know we see that trope in a lot of media where men will say they're willing to subject themselves to the abuse of their partners just to get them to stay, but I don't think we realized how truly sad that is. And for Gojo, someone who was subjected to violence by his father, it's really sad. It's so sad to see how he believes this is what he needs to do just to keep people around.

And when his father beat him in the hospital? God, I knew it would happen, but I was still shocked. I'm just shocked by how horrible his family has hurt him throughout his life.

And Eula? Damn, I'm so upset. I had a sinking feeling she would do what she did, but her thought process? The whole "if she goes down, her family goes down" mentality? That's so scary and it goes to show the depths of how wretched she is (as well as how bad Sera could be). It's awful, because she's truly selfish. I thought she cared about her son and providing him with the tools, while she could benefit from him, but now I see she really doesn't care about anyone but herself. At least she recognizes that she's Gojo Sr.'s "karma".

Anyway, thank you again for such a well written chapter, you really had my attention all the way through. I'm always a fan, and you really inspire me in how I want to write.

Please make sure you take care of yourself, though, we in the Discord and your other fans are worried.

- Moni

Anonymous said

i can’t stand eula🤮 and sera🤮 and if sera just pulls up to the funeral uninvited i will literally scream bc WHO TF GOES TO A FUNERAL WHEN YOU’RE NOT INVITED?? 🤬 i dont wanna jinx it but i also feel like she’d make it about herself saying something like “i just wanted to be here for satoru🥺” when she gets kicked out🤬 and ofc she chooses to actually care for him and his feelings when he broke up with her🤬 i also hope eula gets her shit rocked because why would you strangle someone especially your husbands mom😒i hope yuuta snaps at his mom because that woman is crazy 😒 and y/n’s dad and gojos are so different from each other it hurts how different they are😮‍💨 y/n’s dad always puts her first and gojos is the complete opposite😬 and the royal party when they were 7 $:&:&/&£\€\€\^ it’s so cute 🥲 when he promised to marry her 🥲 and did they start greeting each other by kissing each other on the cheek? if so that’s so cute🥲 toji has got to be my favorite also🥺 he worries so much for y/n🥺 i hope his worm comes in soon tho😛 and i also saw your post about gojo wanting 2 kids and it reminded me about how sovieshu wanted kids that looked like navier i added a lot of emojis because it adds flair and also shows emotions so i hope you don’t mind but great chapter as always saint ❤️ you never fail to impress me😫🤝

Anonymous said

🕯 🕯 🕯

🕯 manifesting therapeutic 🕯

🕯 circle after the 🕯

🕯 recent chapter 🕯

🕯 🕯

rip nana- she didn't deserve that noooo eula why 🤺 and that scene with dadjo? i almost threw hands at my screen but am i really willing to sacrifice my phone for the likes of dadjo? absolutely not. i swear the moment i saw sera's name, i just let out a long ass sigh- she annoys me so much lol. her wanting to show up at the funeral gives me mixed feelings like miss maam that's nice of u to give ur two cents but i highly doubt ur presence is wanted bye. can i also just say that i love how you put so much effort into these characters and the storyline!! i could never write angst bc each time i do, i'll literally change the ending to a happy one 😭. i admire the way you wrote these characters in a way where the reader is able to feel what y/n feels throughout the entirety of sn- at least that's how i feel! that's not an easy thing to do as a writer and i really respect that! i hope that you're doing well btw :( you sounded really upset about those asks ksksks. stay safe and get some rest okay! <3

@lcveaesop said

reading Remarried Empress bc a lot of y'all have said it's similar to SN & i do agree! only that the empress is much more composed than y/n (bc obv she's an empress) and saint has written y/n to be more empathetic, selfless, and gentle.

I don't know who i hate more, sera or rashta? they're both entitled to anything good the world has to offer bc of their poor background (which i sympathize with bc it's sad, relatable, and they don't deserve it) but their greediness exceeds them which makes them unworthy of what they want.

sovier and gojo? kick them to the curb. idk how sovier will develop since im still on early chapters but gojo is forgiven bc.... BECAUSE.

the current chapter might give me y/n's condition considering how much the drama made my heart race😭 pls rest and take all the time if you need saint! even a hiatus if u want, u deserve it💛

guroyeu said

tw: death, s*ram and e*la 🤢🤢

waa my feelings towards gojo throughout this whole chapter was like riding a roller coaster 😭 i swore at him sm in my head but i couldn’t help but feel bad when he was begging yn. he rlly has been through a lot and i’m super glad we see so much more of what’s happening on his side (or family). i’m also rlly glad yn is being very brave, despite feeling nauseous throughout the whole situation. when i saw the warning for a minor character death then i KNEW IT WOULD BE NANA OMFGSG. but then at the same time i had to look away from the screen when it rlly was her that died 💀💀 i wish i wasn’t right this time LMFAO. eula is such a bitch too. there’s just so much to say about her and sera in this, but i’m sure all the readers are thinking the same about those 2 lol. AND i just laughed when sera thought naoya would be on her side when she mentioned toji. did she rlly think he would agree?? LMAO WHY WOULD HE WANNA HAVE A RUMOR THAT INVOLVED HIS OWN FAMLY’S COMPANY. seeing sera get shocked cause she expected him to agree with her was just so entertaining to me. also, this has to be my fav chapter. u did so well, ai <3

@moonlightaangel said

how dare you hurt us like this? 🥲 Nana was supposed to see Gojo’s and MC children, and now we’re all heartbroken 😭 fuck the s*rakatsuki, we need the e*lakatsuki now, how dare the scheming, conniving bitch kill Nana 😩 and i wanted to like Yuuta but if he doesn’t admit to what his devil of a mother did, i’ll never forgive him. thank you for throwing in the bit of comfort with Gojo accepting his mother’s comfort, i honestly i want him to forgive her 🥺 and hopefully he doesn’t blame himself. I need Gen to fly back to Japan and whoop E*la’s/S*ra’s ass, because she’s a queen who knows how to get shit done. please give us the satisfaction of throwing her fake ass in jail for manslaughter, heck, make it third degree murder for our sakes. i just want her to suffer without Gojo Sr.’s help. also i can’t believe he didn’t hear Eula telling her to shut up or Nana struggling, it’s amazing how much of a disappointment Gojo Sr. continues to be. Couldn’t even listen on the phone right either. I hope the autopsy shows it wasn’t cardiac arrest, even though I know it’s unlikely since they’re already talking about the funeral 🥲 Anyways, stan MC, Gen, and Gojo’s Mom for clear skin ✨ I know you tend to have over 300+ messages, so just know we love and care for you! Take good care of your body and take time to relax! Self care is a beautiful thing and we wouldn’t you to get burnt out! Take all the time in the world to write, because we’ll always be here to support you! 🤍

@my-reality-is-in-my-head said

Saint holy shit!! That was an amazing chapter why are u apologizing for its quality?! I THINK IT’S THE BEST CHAPTER YOU’VE EVER DONE SO FAR!! The way you amazingly wound together all the plot points, wrote them in such a heartfelt and exciting manner, GIRL I’M TELLING YOU I COULD NOT STOP SQUEALING BC OF HOW GOOD THE CHAPTER WAS!! IT’S MY FAVORITE SO FAR😭😭💜💜 Putting all the events that happened aside, I really can’t stop thinking how great the plot is 😭I’ve never ever read a fic this amazing i swear I shit u not. You deserve all the praise coming your way, AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY AND UNHOLY PLEASE STOP APOLOGIZING FOR YOUR WRITING BC YOU’RE DOING A REALLY GREAT JOB 😭😭💔💔 I don’t know how else to express everything I’m feeling rn bc I’m a bit incoherent after that chapter sjajiss but I want u to know that I love you!! 💜💜 Great job Saint! Rest properly LIKE PROPERLY AFTER THIS!!

@seai-o2 said

This ask may not be as important as the other ones you've been receiving but sjkffhkssk I've been itching to share to you that 'Somebody Else' by The 1975 fits Y/N so well 😩

Just imagine how the entire chorus speaks for Y/N and the plethora of emotions she's been keeping to herself while still allowing Gojo to meet Sera just because + the confusion kicks in on whether or not she should push through with the divorce, but this was before she finally decided.

"You said you'd find someone to take my place" - Then this phrase leads back to the moments where Gojo would continually remind her that she'll never be Sera no matter how hard she tries, ESPECIALLY ON THEIR FIRST NIGHT TOGETHER AND THE TRIP TO ICELAND (then ofc this all leads up to him regretting it kskskskdjs).

"and everytime I start to believe in anything you're saying I'm reminded that I should be getting over it" - This part is when (our hot daddy/the only man I'll ever commit arson for/everyone's baby/the walking temptation) Toji encourages Y/N to stand her ground and fight for herself too coz fuck knows she's got her own life on the line plus its not something to be taken lightly.

"Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money, I can't give you my soul, 'cause we're never alone" - Ah yes, I get a strong vibe that this line is where Y/N starts to push Gojo away just for the sake of keeping her angina at a less life-threatening level. This also takes me back to the moments where Gojo would run after Sera and leave Y/N in the dark. Like when they were in Bora Bora, they even couldn't communicate and see eye to eye coz Sera was there, and how could Y/N commit herself to him when Gojo was clearly being half-assed at this part? 😭 (but hey, I'm loving every bit of the really heavy angst so BRING IT ON AUTHOR-CHAN!~).

I miss sending you asks omg AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT YOU'VE GOTTEN SO FAR SINCE remember, forever. I absolutey love how more and more people discover your written works, it makes me really glad to see the amount of supporters/readers you have 🙏 Please please pleeeaaaase take care and continually stay safe!~

All my love and support ٩(๛ ˘ ³˘)۶♥

@seashellmichellee said

ALDNAKDKAKS I REAAAAALLY WANNA PULL EULA’S HAIR UNTIL SHE GOES BALD HOLY SHIT ALSNAKSAKA THE AUDACITY OF THE PRETENTIOUS WOMAN!!!!!!! I CANNOT ALSJAKKSA AND HOLY HELL YUUTA 😭 I GET THAT SHE’S YOUR MOM BUT!!? ALSJKAA HNG I STILL WANNA BELIEVE THAT YUUTA WOULD TELL THE TRUTH COZ NANA IS SUCH A SWEET ANGEL AND IF HER DEATH WOULDN’T BE JUSTIFIED, IMMA STRANGLE EULA TO DEATH!!!! AND IMMA DRAG SERA ALONG SO GOJO & Y/N COULD LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AKDHAKXKSK

Anonymous said

hi Saint! i’m not gonna send a long analysis again this time but just know that this recent chapter left me speechless, in a good way.

I’ve been following you since the ufc fic was ending and honestly you’re one of my favorite writers on tumblr, I get so happy/excited to see notifications both from this blog and your main pop up on my phone. sometimes I see you apologizing bc you think that the writing in the chapters are not the best or bc of your delay in publishing, but pls don’t, bc I don’t want you feeling like you have to meet a certain standard for us readers, honestly anything that you produce is amazing and I’m sure that plenty people also think the same. and it’d be a shame if you ended up feeling like you can no longer enjoy a hobby that you’re choosing to share with the rest of us.

prettyy pls take a much needed break because your health, well-being and personal life is always a number one priority. you don’t owe us anything and if you feel like falling back for however long you need then you should do it, tumblr can wait!

have a good night/day depending on when you receive this!

-🦢

Anonymous said

Again a perfect chapter!! I loved it and it ended so shocking I couldn't believe. I'm feeling a little weird(Idk if its right word?) about what will happen next. Will satoru's dad find out? What will happen between satoru and y/n? Or What really naoya is planning? Andd yuuta plays an important role idk if he will tell. Even though it's right thing to confess I can understand because it's his mom. Also I'm a little worried about satoru he might think he really lost everyone and if he find out who did that his relationship with his father would be so much worse because basically he married with the woman. (honestly he has every right to do anything) Anyway, thank you so much for your hardwork and I'm sorry if I didn't make so much sense! Lastly I wanna add please don't push yourself too much. I know maybe ur hearing it too much but sometimes letting yourself, your mind relax is important. So give yourself a little free time sometimes. Have great day! 💗

Anonymous said

saint, good job with this week's update ( ,: i mean it every time I say it; thank you, for committing to your passions and being a joy to others through it.

One thing I wanted to really really highlight was the emotional connection that really blossomed in this chapter. I always knew yn and gojo had somewhat of a connection together, since they were each other's puppy love, but this last chapter really solidified their value for one another. The flashback from both their childhood scenes, I believe, will play a part in how yn and gojo's future will unfold. Seeing how he tries so hard to keep his childhood promises with yn, I dont see him taking his promise with yn's mom lightly - he'll probably try and commit to that till his grave. Yes, there's still so much to unfold... but I think because of this emotional connection that you established, I believe the future chapters would be that much harder for us, readers, to absorb the pain the characters will go through, but also for you, as the writer, to encapsulate all the detail and weight of the scenes that are to come. I believe yn stating her trauma with gojo was such a big step for both of them, and for their marriage. I know we are foreshadowing a divorce, but I also do believe in order for gojo to willingly let her go... he needs to know all of what he's done to her, and hear it from yn herself. It's good because the more yn reveals, the more gojo seems to be a slave to yn's heart; the more she shares her brokenness, the more he desperately desires to cling unto her. Imagine how painful it would be IF and WHEN these two lovers have to separate?

@propertyoftoru said

CHAPTER 13!!! MY HEART!!! YOUR SKILLS AS A WRITER??? HOLY SHIT??? IM SO ENVIOUS OF YOUR TALENT 😭😭 the EMOTIONS i went thru while reading this!! my heart was BREAKING for satoru like yeah i might’ve been mad at him for a bit but his groveling 😭 he just wants to be loved and he FINALLY TOLD US THAT. even during the smut i was smiling but also crying at the same time. he put his own selfish desires aside and opted to wear a condom because he knew it was what y/n wanted 😭 and he was so concerned when y/n said to slow down 😭 THE AMMOUNT OF ANGER I HAVE TOWARDS EULA?!!?!!?!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!! NOT NANA!!! LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT FOR NANA!!!! while i was reading that section i just kept whispering “pls no not nana” then the flash backs gave me WHIPLASH because the first flashback i was like AWWWW bb toru being an angel and making ANOTHER promise to take care of and marry y/n then the second flash back i was like GOD PLEASE NO. LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE BUT THIS. i just wanna take a second an admire your ability to make me form an emotional attachment here and literally feel my heart BREAK. NANA DESERVED BETTER 😭😭 i just hope satoru doesn’t lash out on yuuta if he does manage to find out the truth. poor bb didn’t do anything and i feel like he’s gonna get caught in the crosshairs 😭 those stinky rats eula and sera are gonna get what the deserve. (my foot up their asses) thank u for another amazing chapter 🥺🥺 i hope ur doing well and feeling better! 💕

Anonymous said

i really just want megumi, mai, and maki's reaction towards sera if they knew that she wasn't an ex but an affair. knowing you and your writing, if ever that happens in the future chapters, it would be GOLD i just know it. and poor megumi, that leech is latching on you and your father. get away you bitch, even the depths of hell wont accept you 🤺🤺

also i feel bad for yuuta rn, he seen all of that and HIS OWN MOTHER threatened him, then he got to keep the act all up i just want to hug him tight and assure him that everything will be okay in the end because (trust the author!). he must be traumatized and unstable like satoru right now, given that he has seen all that but decided to bottle it up. i do hope yuuta and satoru works together (somehow? i dont know but i want to see where their brotherhood goes 🤔) against all of the things happening in the gojou group right now. by this time, its only the two of them left to stop their family name from dropping down to the lowest levels in the business industry.

even though they are unstable right now they are the only 'stable enough person' to stop things from happening.

oh and sera becoming more and more confident? bitch put your confidence back to your own place you don't deserve at least a small ounce of it. don't even hold your head up high because the only thing you will be holding your head up high for is seeing yn succeed. (my superiority complex cant stand seras bullshit)

nonetheless, another great chapter from you and things are getting more and more promising now. two chapters left and i am excited to see where this one goes because everything is going downhill, but enough for the climax of the story to begin (seeing the dramas and problems happening here and there). and by that, i have a feeling that sn1 will end on a bad one then sn2 will still have drama but i think that'll be where resolutions happens on some part. (my theory ._.)

even so, ill put all my trust on you on the next chapters because i trust your judgement, outline, plot, plans, and character development. and also sorry if any of my words turned out offensive. ;-;

another great chapter, thank you saint. please take a great, great rest equivalent to this great chapter before you start writing again. you deserve all the time in the world because of how much effort i see you put into each of your works. please also use that same effort to take care of yourself. dont forget that! take care of yourself!

thats all my rants for this chapter, i hope its not annoying. ah, i wish for yuuta's happy ending too. baby boy needs happiness in his life if he is raised by a toxic person. :(

thats all, ily saint! take care of yourself!

Anonymous said

I have a theory

So if I read correctly (it’s 4am my brain is shutting down slowly) sera was looking for something to expose MC in public so she can face the public’s criticism.

If that’s true does she realise what effect this will have in her and Gojo? She’s so desperate to “eliminate” MC and while she looks down at her and tries to take her place by any means she doesn’t realise how everything will affect her.

If Sera exposes her affair with Gojo she doesn’t really realise that she and Gojo will be the ones facing negativity and not MC. Sure there will be people who will say that MC did something wrong to lead Gojo to cheat like that but usually in the public’s eyes it’s the mistress and the husband who are to blame.

Infidelity also is a very strong sign not to trust someone. And in business world trust is necessary for companies. Gojo’s dad obviously dislikes Satoru and he just need an excuse to kick him out of the company. So boom here comes sera and the affair here’s Gojo sr’s reason. And suddenly Satoru is disowned and is left with no job no money and a huge trauma. Does sera really think she will be able to climb in a higher status by “overthrowing” MC and taking her place, acting like the affair never existed. So basically her “revenge” on MC will be her downfall and she doesn’t seem to realise it..

I swear if someone from inside the Gojo household or Gojo’s mom or Sera or even an employee it will trigger so much events and suddenly the whole Gojo family will be exposed.

Satoru’s physical abuse

Yuuta’s emotional abuse

Eula’s true colours and actions

Gojo sr actions

It can be the end for the whole Gojo group.

I’m so excited to see how things will turn out..

Also does Sera actually think that she still has a chance with Satoru and that he still loves her or she’s just desperate to stay with him for her own reasons or she just doesn’t want to face reality?

@craftyfawns said

I thought sera was just a mild misogynistic pick me girl at first who shits on yn by being like ‘I’m unique~~~ Because I’m poor I’m not like other rich girls *cough yn cough*~~ but no, she’s just a straight up woman hater. Like she hates women. Compare what she thinks of naoya and toji to what she thinks of meredith (??) mai, and obvs yn, she just hates women.

Sera would be the kind of girl who would be like ‘i don’t believe in feminism bc i think we should believe in equalism’ and then proceed to never let gojo let his feelings out near her bc she’s also a believer of toxic masculinity 😐 i hate her

Anonymous said

BESTIEEEEE THAT CHAPTERRRRR🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Yuuta better snitch 🥲 I want justice for nana he I know he has those Oscar nominated acting skills from the manga 🤣🤣🤣 also one question my dear Saint, Does Gojo’s dad even love him? Because it looks to me like he just sees him as a tool and abuses him plus he’s always gushing about Yuuta. Like would he even care if his son was hurt seriously or something? And my new enemy is his bitch of a wife like I swear Yuuta you better snitch😩😩 you witnessed a killing and you know who did it please sing like a canary my love. You better sing soon or they’re going to say that you were a accomplice😩😩😩 then Gojo’s dad is really gonna be mad.

Anonymous said

Hi i just wanted to drop by and share a few thoughts. I’ve read a lot of different fanfiction by many different creators. But you are definitely among the few that have actually stood out! Your language and general way of writing is amazing! As much as I appreciate the way you describe characters and their growth/emotions I am love with the way you set a scene/world. I could write an essay honestly but I’ll spare you😋

All in all I am a fan!!!!

thesupernotsosecretblog said

i feel like sera will manipulate gojo into thinking it's mcs fault for nanas death bc she announced the divorce or lie about mc having an affair w toji😕 she'll probably say something like she did in bora bora when they found out about the birth control :/ and then gojo being in an emotional state will believe her and reveal the truth about the merger and say that everything he told her in this chapter was a lie😕 and maybe this all happens at nanas funeral and she has an angina attack but she gets called an attention seeker by sera/gojo so the zenins help her and toji tells gojo to stay away from mc

Anonymous said

And suddenly I forgot how to talk/ type

This chapter i swear I cried

Imma start with Satoru and I’ll be completely honest. I HATED him. Like I wanted him to suffer but reading the last two chapters and his trauma I actually feel bad for him. He’s so devastated I can’t even think about him-

I was so worried about Y/N in this character. Things got so emotional that i was almost sure that she would have an “angina attack”

Sera. I wanna slap her so bad. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GIRL. Also did sera really not understand that Satoru is done with her and their relationship? But anyway I’m stopping here because there is much more important stuff than a bratty woman who can’t face reality.

Another person who deserves to be punched: Gojo sr. He PUBLICLY beat up his son he’s like a child who can’t control his emotions. Hope he gets his Karma eventually 👀👀

Yuuta my poor bby is so confused I feel bad for him

Mai meeting sera. The queen gave her what she deserves. 0 attention

Toji being caring friend melts my heart but after one of your asks I’m scared to trust him anymore. Still team Toji though😂😂

Naoya I can’t with this man. Honestly what is he doing…

And the worse for last. EULA WHAT THE

Like she calls others monsters but she legit KILLED someone innocent. SHE DESERVES THE WORSE KARMA. Hope something triggers an investigation for Nana.

R E S T. I N. P E A C E. N A N A.

Anonymous said

ngl i havent liked satoru one bit in the sn, hes just been a massive dick but god do i feel sorry for him. his mother left him,, his dad started abusing him, his stepmom is a vile goldigging women and the only person who he could rely on was nana but she got killed by his fucking stepmom. i definitely think that the way he turned out is because of his family. Say his mother took him with her or she stayed then i dont think he would have ended up so traumatised.

also i’m to see whether yuuta tells them about his mothers deeds, i sure do hope he does and i would also want to see how gojo and y/n react to it.

@sachiochan said

oh man waking up this early only to read this is like... waking up to a news broadcast 😭😭 oh man where do we start, eula killing her mother in law, y/n maybe changing her mind, or dadjo physical abusive nature?? perhaps we start with the beginning, dude I thought out of an accident, like at the Gojo's house everyone gathered + y/n, they were discussing the divorce proceedings and then begging y/n to change her mind then dadjo starts physically abusing Satoru afterwards like Nana steps in but Dadjo whacks her by accident then he kept seeing red and accidentally killed her. Man by far this exceeded my expectations, I am so fuckin glad that now we have something to get Eula with like bitch is gonna get her fucking retribution and karma hoho but rest in peace Nana 😭 I think theres a high chance y/n will change her mind after what she saw like, dadjo abusing satoru, nobody helping him and stuff and she will change her mind secretly and noboy knows, then Satoru's mum and her will take care of him and bring him to recovery slowly but then again, I think all that news at night is bound to traumatise him to the point it shatters him and he just becomes an empty shell temporarily, before and after Nana's wedding for a indefinite amount of time. I think Dadjo wasnt raised with love tbh thats why hes like that but no point discussing a loser like that 😒 like he may has his own pains but like, thats no reason for u to physically abuse ur 1st son bitch. good chapter, i really loved it with y/n and gojo's "try to make up but fail" stuff and well, this isnt a disappointing chapter, just a very sad one ❤️

Anonymous said

hey saint! it was an amazing chapter, as always! i can't believe you were saying that this chapter would have the worst writing when it's a masterpiece!

the whole plot is getting more and more intense and tbh what happened here is even more interesting than satoru and yn's romance😭😭 i felt like i was watching a movie and i think it's one of the things that got me addicted to sn. only having romance can get pretty boring (even tho i could never be bored with the way you write your stories)

i don't even know where to start but EULA PRISON ARC WHEEEEEEEN

i think yuuta is too sweet to keep what he saw to himself. he's not like his mother and (i think you said that?) he even judges her for the awful things she does

also sera leveling up in the clown game HAHAHAHAHA the funerals are gonna be wayyyyy too interesting and im ready to see her getting put in her place by gen, satoru, yn AND literally everyone there (naoya>>>>>>>)

i feel like the next chapter is gonna be the last one with A LOT of drama before we can move on to the end

once again, thank you for always giving us the best

don't forget to take care of yourself♡

Anonymous said

GIRL I WAS LEGIT CRYING THE WHOLE CHAPTER. THE. WHOLE. CHAPTER. OK SOOOO (TW : SERA & EULA) THAT BITCH SERA OMG I SWEAR SHE BETTER NOT DO ANY MORE DAMAGE. SHE'S DONE ENOUGH. SHE NEEDS TO STAY FAAARRR AWAY FROM GOJO & Y/N ISTG I WILL TRANSPORT TO THE STORY AND END HER MYSELF. EULA GIRL I–. I REALLY YUUTA SNITCHES ON HER. THATS ALL IM SAYING. Ok but back to the main pair, I hope gojo & y/n start healing tbh. I know it's bound to get even more angsty, and you can take your time with that since it's ur story, but I do wish them the best. I was in so much pain for the two of them this chapter omg. As always, please, please, please take all the time you need to rest. It's not healthy if you keep pushing yourself just to catch up to a deadline. Please ALWAYS put your health first before anything. Amazingly chapter as always saint! <33

Anonymous said

so i couldn't send this after chapter thirteen was published but i was listening to tolerate it by taylor swift and it reminded me so much of gojoy/n. mainly the bridge and the chorus that says:

"you assume i'm fine / but what would you do if i, i / break free and leave us in ruins / took this dagger in me and removed it / gain the weight of you then lose it / believe me, i could do it / if it's all in my head tell me now / tell me i've got it wrong somehow / i know my love should be celebrated / but you tolerate it"

i feel like this is exactly what's happening. she is breaking free of that marriage and trying to be happy and healthy. the "gain the weight of you then lose it" reminds me of gojo tbh. like he realizing she understands him, his trauma and his pain but she is leaving him and that is destroying him.

anyway, love the story. you are an amazing writer. hope you are feeling better, please take care of yourself. <3

hiiiii you guys thank u for sending these through i’m always having lots of fun reading through them <33 🥺🥺

#saintobio.asks #series: sincerely not

36 notes · View notes

skin-slave · 5 years ago

Text

This is absolutely valid. Catch me oversharing in the tags.

ok but horrible experiences with medical procedures/medical professionals are legit almost never seen as seriously traumatizing despite the clear and obvious facts that people regularly develop lifelong phobias, severe anxiety and panic attacks, etc associated with those things and I’m constantly surrounded by cavalier jokes about it and whenever I try to talk about it I get some variation of “well no one likes going to the doctors/everyone has to do this/you just have to get over it” and medical professionals themselves are always prioritized because dealing with “difficult” patients is “hard” and medical professionals are always presumed to be kind and respectful and competent

And I feel terrible discussing this because i don’t feel like anything that’s ever happened to me is that bad and it seems a trivial thing to bring consent into but. it’s so ridiculous to say that “well medical procedures are consensual and that makes it not traumatic” as if so many people weren’t forced to go through awful medical procedures in childhood and forcibly restrained/pinned down during them and as if a kid screaming/begging a doctor to stop doing something ever matters. Not to mention doctors lying about what they’re going to do to you, lying that something won’t hurt when it does, telling you that something that is hurting doesn’t hurt, and attempting to spring things on you when you’re completely unprepared and didn’t expect it to happen.

It’s just so awful to be belittled and invalidated and lied to by a stranger that is doing incredibly physically violating and/or painful things to you and to have absolutely no power or control over what is happening to your body, sometimes very private areas of your body, or even ability to know what’s going to happen to you. It’s awful to not have this treated as serious or even remarkable and it’s awful to have your fears treated as irrational and you rude or inconvenient for having them. I used to be told I was “rude” at the doctor’s for verbalizing discomfort. I never had any idea what was going to happen at an appointment. Only God knew whether they were going to try to draw blood or make me undress or something.

I didn’t know I was autistic then, so of course I was totally dismissed as just being a difficult kid and it had to be brought up by my therapist that there might be a reason for my intense revulsion at having strangers I don’t know touch me (and my difficulty at facing this having no idea at all what might occur)

there’s no understanding among medical professionals that I need to feel like I have some level of control over what will happen to my body, that I want to know what an appointment might include, that i MIGHT feel more than just embarrassment/mild discomfort over being touched, that “no” has any meaning at all. When I explain that I have a phobia of needles so severe that I can’t smell rubbing alcohol without getting phantom pains (legit!!!!), I don’t know if I’m going to be taken seriously or treated to a brusque “well nobody likes this.” There are people here and there that are understanding but that’s not the norm

All of these things are treated like jokes and the people who feel them are treated like babies. I feel terrible even talking about it because I know people who have had terrible experiences and seem relatively un-traumatized. They even make jokes about it. It makes me so uncomfortable and yet I can’t talk about it.

I don’t want to come off as diminishing anyone’s actual trauma. But like. There is no understanding or sympathy, none, just one fuckthousand articles telling me to “just relax” that I can’t even read because they’re full of stock photos of people getting needles stuck in them.

#medical procedure #doctors #needle phobia #needles #hospital tw #its so hard to gague where on the spectrum of discomfort i am compared to other ppl bc if they say they 'hate it' what does that mean #is everybody else crying at appointments i have no idea but im pretty sure no #and i know i cant separate the other trauma out bc its grown together like anglerfish but listen #healthcare is intimate ok its physically intimate and it requires vulnerability and trust and most of the time youve known them 5 secs #its emotionally taxing and the bad shit stays with you #i still have nightmares about the leap i had 14 yrs ago #and the fact that its necessary doesnt make it stop and dismissive staff just make it so much worse #not to mention other ppl who are like uhmmm just stop freaking out OMFG just stop being reductive to make your life easier here #how am i wrong for having a hard time here when youre ordering me to give a stranger free reign over my body #the most important thing for me is to remember that im the boss not them #i am hiring them to do a job and if i need xyz i can demand xyz and if they refuse then i can fire them #of course that helps less when you have no choice of provider and trust me ive been there #pls dont ever feel bad about what hurts you guys and dont let ppl get away with making it worse #you are important and i lub u

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pocmuzings · 4 years ago

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hello hi , it is g , ur friendly local neighbourhood hindu indian ( as in south asian ) ! so a few people requested that i just make a guide-esque sorta thing on hindu indian characters ! im not really good at guides , so instead , these are just little things i’ve noticed or picked up on that could really potentially strengthen the next indian character u ( pretty please ! ) pick up !

disclaimer : i am writing this from my perspective and it is NOT definitive , nor do i speak on behalf of all hindu indians ! i am a 23-year-old bisexual cis female hindu indian , with one older gay brother, and a Train Wreck middle brother . my mother is from new delhi , and my father is from nairobi but has indian heritage ( not sure which part of india bc he’s an Engima ) . i have extended family in india and have visited india about 10-15 times throughout my entire life .

so firstly , im so glad u all are here and want to write more hindu indian characters ! please please do so ! i hope this helps , encourages u , and isnt too confusing !!

psa : i need everyone to know that this is a very basic ‘ guide ‘ and theres a lot it DOESNT touch on or address bc i didnt want to get too Extensive and Detailed and have people Turn off and not Read it . this is just written in the terms of hopefully helping build character / be relevant to characters a bit better that ive employed into writing my OWN hindu indian character creations ! but if u have any other questions pls reach out to me or any other indians in the rpc and im sure we’ll try our best to assist u !

FCS:

one thing i’d really like to say is that its great to see fcs like dev patel , deepika padukone and avan jogia picked up every now and then in rps , but there’s actually a LOT of other indian fcs you could be and should be using ! the main reason people don’t seem to know them is because they’re not ‘ hollywood ‘ stars per se ( it was a super big deal when pr*yanka broke out of bollywood and into bollywood but we don’t talk about her on this Blog ) . they’re usually bollywood stars and i don’t really see bollywood discussed that much in the rpc !

if you’re after MORE indian fcs , i have a tag of indian females here , and indian males here . the fcs on my blogs are also not ALL that exist . there are plenty of other blogs out there that post indian fcs , such as sonamhelps & bollymusings !!! there’s also some really great faceclaim directories out there that include a LOT of indians with resources !

unfortunately , i do not know of any trans indians or nonbinary indians but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist . indian cultures and beliefs are still quite Old School and not super progressive . india only just had it’s first wlw mainstream bollywood film released last year . lgbtqia+ issues are NOT really spoken about in india or within indian families at ALL , and if they are - they’re usually dismissed or reacted to Very Very Badly . ( again this isnt definitive and im sure and hopeful that some indians have had GREAT coming out stories and been accepted by their families but this has not been a common thing ive seen or witnessed from my cousins my age , indian friends , myself and my brother who are lgbtqia + )

FOOD :

we do eat with our hands and we eat like PROS with our hands . we can shovel it so easily and quickly . i don’t know how to describe it but you use the first three fingers of your hand to place the Food there , and then use your thumb to kinda scoop it off and into your mouth . this is NOT unhygienic because indians wash their hands very regularly and most of the time we aren’t actually touching our mouths to our hands !

indian food is MADE to be eaten with your hands for the most part . it is literally NOT practical to eat food with a knife and fork . here’s a really great article explaining things more in depth re: indian food and using our hands !

cows are seen as Very holy beings in hindu indian culture , and for that reason - there isn’t a lot of beef being eaten or consumed. sure , some indians DO eat beef but i don’t think its super common, but in my personal experience as a non-beef-eater this results in A LOT of me asking ‘ oh , sorry what sauce does that pasta come with ? ‘ ‘ oh those are beef sausages ? sorry i can’t eat them ‘ etc etc . beef is in a LOT of things , and this makes me very very careful and almost pedantic about what i do eat and ask about , food wise !

indian food is seen as stinky by a majority of white people . it has a very very strong smell as im sure u know , and opening ur lunch box as a little kid to a Curry or Dal ur mum has made u ? one way street to being bullied . i also remember a time a real estate agent continuously told my dad nobody was interested in buying our house bc it smelled too much like curry, despite my mum not having cooked curry in Weeks ( just say what u Really mean , bitch ! )

indian curry exists but so does dal / daal . this is curry-like dish that is usually made out of lentils . so if ur going to talk about indian food and u know curries and samosas . . pls also bring up dals . and sabji ! ( sabji is usually just boiled vegetables plopped together . a lot of potato usually )

desserts are what we call Indian Sweets . this is stuff that is usually very VERY sugary and a bit of an accustomed taste . theyre very colourful and LOOK beautiful but even i , for one , can not eat many indian sweets bc they are a Lot of Sweet and Sugar . examples of indian sweets that u can google : gulab jamun , burfi , rasgulla , jalebi etc . here’s a great link for more !

give me spiced food or give me death . literally . . put some cumin in . . put some garam masala . . put some chillies . . flavour ur Food for my Indian Taste Buds

FAMILY :

if you are the oldest son of an Indian Family . . congratulations . you are now the Head of the family and must carry every weight and burden alone . it is extremely isolating and taxing on you ( my dad is the oldest indian son , and also - so is my eldest brother , obvs ) . there is a LOT that is expected of you to do . you are expected to quite literally run the family and be the ‘ man of the house ‘ by yourself .

if you are a daughter . . . even BIGGER congratulations ! you are basically a maid to every male or guest who EVER comes over to your house . you must be a Hostess , you must be in the kitchen cooking , serving snacks, bringing tea , and then washing up and basically waiting on Hand and Foot . you will not be included into a lot of dialogue or engaged in a lot of conversation and TRUST ME ! THAT WILL GRIND UR GOD DAMN GEARS IN THE 21ST CENTURY !

if you are a boys’ boy ( aka straight and Sporty ) , then congrats ! you get it the easiest : you are the favourite of every social event . the uncles and cousins love talking to you and dude-ing it up with you , and the aunts fawn over you and think you’re the Best Thing since sliced bread . sit back , put your feet up , and expect to be treated like a God. you can do absolutely no wrong . ( my middle brother is this to a T and listen . . he’s been in and out of jail for physical violence and ab*se for over 5 years . and family still FROTH over him . my teeth are gritted to dust thinking of this again )

indian aunties are lethal . they gossip like teenage girls . they will find out everything . they will bitch behind your back . they can NOT be trusted .

everyone is ur uncle or aunt, sister or brother . literally everyone . ur cousin ? no. thats ur sister . ur dads friend ? no , thats ur uncle . you will call them as such . EVERYONE is family .

family is in general a VERY BIG THING in indian culture , too . ‘ what will it Look like to everyone else if we don’t all arrive together ? ‘ my dad usually asks dskjdfjn . it’s all about Looking Right and Standing As A United Front . that being said , indian family has undying and unwavering loyalty for one another , they just show it in a very Weird way .

FASHION:

female hindu indian formal clothes are usually really embroidered to hell and back and this makes them very scratchy , uncomfortable, and HEAVY . you aren’t running anywhere anytime soon in a full blown lehenga or saree

most ‘ modern ‘ hindu indian women do not wear full Indian Clothes all the time . some do , but usually it’s a lot of wearing a kurti tunic with jeans , or just normal everyday clothing . again , this is going to be different based on which parts of india your character is from , though !

usually , older women and married women wear traditiona hindul indian clothing quite often . i know my mum wore a sari AT HOME everyday when i was growing up, until i was like 13 and took her shopping with me to get something Else to wear .

bindi’s just stick right onto ur forehead but they do fall off a lot , especially when ur wearing makeup or sweating . again , you don’t need to wear a bindi everyday , unless thats ur preference . i usually only wear them for festivals . ( festivals means indian celebrations , not like . . coachella ((which u should not be wearing a bindi to , if ur not indian fyi )) )

male formal clothes are usually just literally anything Formal and buttoned up for the most part , and u can get away with that , or you can wear a really nice kurta

indians wear white at funerals , not black ( not sure if this should go in the fashion section but this entire thing is being organised into a Mess by now anyways ) . you CAN wear black to a funeral of course , but its common to wear white !

DATING ( tw’s for islamaphobia ):

modern day indian / desi fuck boys exist and my god they are Something Else . hasan minhaj did a really good piece about this and explaining them to a T ( starts at 1:43 )

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT WILL MENTION ISLAMAPHOBIA AND HOMOPHOBIA ! ) basically according to Older indians , , ur dating options in 2020 go like this ( if ur a cis female like me ) : hindu indian men are god tier , white men are Not Okay But I Guess So Bc We Have To Accept They’re Everywhere , females / being lgbtqia+ is not Taken Seriously , and muslims are literally not even close to being an option or Accepted . again this isn’t definitive but based on a lot of indian media i’ve consumed and seen how they portray muslims in general as well as Dating Options , as well as talking to other indians , both who are older / traditional and hold these ideals , whereas Younger gens generally do NOT hold these ideals / actively are Against these backwards ideals. i remember when i was in year 6 and had my first boyfriend . . he was a muslim and my dad FLIPPED the FUCK out . it’s not even that i was dating someone / young / his only daughter . . it was mainly because i was dating a muslim . again , this is a very OLD SCHOOL and traditional way of thinking and it is NOT CORRECT . pls don’t take this as a note to be islamaphobic if u write an indian character bc . . thats literally the opposite of what im trying to tell u here .

yeah arranged marriages are definitely still a thing for us , even now in 2020

YES if u are an unmarried / single indian ( ESPECIALLY if ur a woman ) about to enter ur 30s . . ur in DANGER and u are the black sheep and theres probably something Wrong With You bc why are u still single ?

TRADITIONS / BELIEFS / SUPERSTITIONS :

idk if its just me and my family but we are SUPER superstitious . if you say anything like ‘ he hasnt gotten sick in years !’ immediately , everyone knocks on wood or their head . if you were planning on leaving the house and sneeze ? thats bad luck , stand and wait for five minutes then u can leave . we have a strong belief in drishti , or alternatively : The Evil Eye , and making sure we don’t invite it into our lives . a lot of our prayers are about warding drishti away .

the evil eye is kinda Complicated but basically its an ill-wishing upon an unsuspecting person . if somebody is jealous of you or angered by you , they may wish upon you or cast upon you the Evil eye ( or even just glare at u whilst ur not looking and thats Big Bad ) .

a lot of older indians , like older people in general i guess , are not super progressive or Open . this isnt ALWAYS the case but older indians can be very very stubborn in their beliefs in what is Right and Wrong , Normal and Not Normal

theres a LOT of hindu indian festivals and events ! tbh too many for me to even keep up with . but without fail at least once a year ill say to ONE of my friends ‘ oh sorry i cant make it . i have an indian Thing on that day ‘ and its usually about a festival , so pls be aware that there are a LOT of indian festivals and if ur writing an indian character , its perfectly understandable and Relatable for them to say they can’t make it to a party or hang out with their friends that night , for that very reason !

the main / most popular ( ? ) festivities that i personally do celebrate every year without fail are :

diwali ( the festival of lights , celebrating goddess lakshmi roaming the earth . in my household this is usually turning on literally every single light and lighting candles and fireworks / sparklers and saying some prayers , and eating a formal dinner all together ! )

holi ( the festival of colours . celebrating victory and love . again personally for me , this was usually celebrated at the temple with all of us Kids running around throwing paint on each other ! )

rakhi / raksha bandhan ( a day of sisters celebrating their brothers . you tie a rakhi which is usually a bracelet / holy string around your brothers wrist , feed them some food , pray for their wellbeing and in return they gift you something . in my case, i usually get money from them ) .

navratri / durga puja ( 9 nights and 10 days of celebrations but tbh u don’t have to do all the days . or i mean . . i don’t . i fast one day from morning to night and then i slide on over to boogie and dance dandiya which is literally the MOST FUN dance ever bc its based off some Historical Fight and u go faster and faster and keep going until ur absolutely SPENT bc u dont wanna lose ur place in the circle )

there are SO MANY HINDU INDIAN GODS too . and so many prayers to all of them and to just general Life Wellness . chances are that ur character will know at least ONE aarti / gazal / prayer off by heart and have sung it at least 30 times in a monotone voice . the ones i know off by heart bc ive had to sing them 3000 times ? om jai jagdish hare , & the gayatri mantra

GENERAL LIL THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO CATEGORISE ( tw’s for skin whitening , colorism and classism ) :

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR SKIN WHITENING AND COLORISM ) lets hold indians accountable right now : we advertise SKIN LIGHTENING CREAM . i think they finally stopped that earlier this year / due to BLM ( i’m not entirely sure / could be wrong ) , but thats literally how bad it is , that we would openly advertise and encourage people to literally bleach their skin rather than look darker .

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR COLORISM AND CLASSISM ) colorism is a BIG thing in india and usually linked to class . generally speaking , the people who are Darker Skinned are usually people who work outside / labourers or homeless even , and are therefore seen as lower class / bottom class . the lighter skin you have , the more privileged and advantaged you are bc ur seen as working a Good job out of the sun and having a home . it’s incredibly classist as well as just generally Fucked Up . why am i telling u this ? mainly so u understand the importance of using a dark skinned indian fc vs a light skinned indian fc which i know is hard , bc a lot of darker skinned indians arent in hollywood / have resources , but its still something to Think About .

i have a long Ethnic name . literally my first name is 10+ letters , which i know doesnt seem that long Necessarily but its also a Super Ethnic name with e’s and and j and n . it Flows and Sounds very clearly different from a christian name . it is VERY important to me that my name be said Correctly because i’ve spent so much time having it said incorrectly or Westernised . i also know a lot of indians my age who ( like me ) have had to dramatically shorten their REAL first name ( which is usually also pretty long . not always , but it is Common ) , to fit their name into white people’s mouths better . please put some thought into ur indian characters name !

not all indians speak hindi ! hindi is one of MANY dialects within india . there is also tamil , urdu , bengali , punjabi , telugu and SO many more , so pls research which part of india ur character / their family is from bc hindi won’t always be the default language for them !

not every indian is hindu ! of course ur character doesnt have to be religious at all , bc if im being honest IM barely religious but my FAMILY is and this is smth u should think abt bc religion is a pretty big thing for indians . so even if ur character isnt hindu , they were probably raised with SOME religious beliefs . have a think about which religions they would have been brought up with ! there’s a very large percentage of practicing muslims , sikhs and buddhists too ! and even christianity !

WRITING WISE / CREATING AN INDIAN CHARACTER WISE :

the first step should be to consume indian media ! listen to indian music . watch bollywood movies ! theres SO MANY out there on everyone’s netflix . if u want some recs , let me know and i can try my best to find smth for u ! if u want smth thats Hollywood-indian . . . Hasan Minhaj is great to watch , especially his episodes on indian culture / politics , and Never Have I Ever on netflix was rlly good / relatable for me personally as an indian growing up in a western society !

i would really really love to see more indian rep in general , but i’d also like to discuss the Stereotypes that ive seen indians portrayed as in mainstream hollywood media :

indian women as soft spoken and subservient beings who are abused by their husbands and have no say in anything

heterosexuality within indian relationships and indian dating

indian men as sleazy

indians in general not being seen as Sexy or Sexual beings with any sex drive at all

Stumbling , Stuttering , Nerdy awkward messes of men who don’t know how to interact with anybody they find sexually appealing

an indian character that everybody ( usually white ) finds Uncomfortable and Weird and is seen as usually the Butt of the joke .

i think those mentioned above could be helpful in how to plan your next indian character and think about how to SUBVERT a trope theyre often portrayed as , or create an indian thats not stereotypical !

so what and who SHOULD you write ?

an indian character who is proudly and openly gay , or bi

a trans or nonbinary indian ( PLEASE ! )

an indian character with really super accepting parents and family

an aromantic indian

an indian who is focused on their career first and not their dating life

a fuckboy / fuckgirl ( honestly . . i’d love to see it )

a indian character who is a party animal

an outspoken indian female who takes no shit and is strong in every sense of the word

a confident , smooth talking indian businessman who is Sexy and Lusted After ( not in a gross christian grey way but just . i’d love to see indian characters seen as Sexy . not in a fetishy way , either , but just because it’d be a nice change in pace ! )

a character who IS traditional / religious but also very progressive and forward thinking in their beliefs

honestly just any character that isnt whats mentioned above

#guide #writing help #rph #rpc #islamaphobia tw #colorism tw #classism tw #idk if this is any good and i was very uncomfortable putting in the part abt how a lot of older indians feel abt muslims #but i mean . . lets just call it the fuck out bc its Gross Behaviour so lets call it out and work to change it #anyways every trigger is tagged super clearly in every point that talks abt it #i kept those parts Brief and as Direct and Honest as possible #pls let me know if u need me to tag anything #and lastly . . . pls write indian characters !!!!

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themeed · 4 years ago

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damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.

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notafightr · 5 years ago

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It fic exchange!!!

so here's my reddie fic for @disneyfan567 for the it fic exchange event! no trigger warnings, sorry for any mistakes or lack of skill this displays as i havent written in a long time and this is the first time ive written in this fandom

(°﹏°)

Eddie was 13 when he moved to Ohio. Sonia decided she had had enough of Derry, and the small town was doing more harm than good to her delicate son. To describe Eddie's reaction, reluctant was an understatement. He was leaving his 6 best friends, his only real friends, all because of his mother's glorified temper tantrum.

The past 3 years were (in)arguably the best years of his life. He met his best friends, more of a family than his own (which really just consisted of his overbearing mother), he had irreplaceable experiences and memories with his best friends, these friends entirely shaped and nurtured his character. So to have his mother rip all of that away from him, well it understandably upset him. Most of all, he didn't know how he was going to cope with the frequent flashbacks and nightmares that taxed him emotionally and mentally several times a week, dutifully owed to that short, albeit rather traumatic summer of 89’.

For 3 long, yet oh so short years, Eddie coped with these strains through the support of his friends, especially a loudmouthed, annoying boy with Coke bottle glasses and slightly bucked teeth, named Richard Tozier, who couldn't find it in him to ever stop annoying Eddie, or stop telling him how much he loved him, or stop picking flowers for him on walks because he knew even though Eddie denied it, they really did make Eddie happier than he cared to admit.

How do you cope with a demon clown terrorising you and your friends’ lives for an entire summer, haunting you as your worst fear, using unholy tactics to scare you in unimaginable ways, trapping you in its crack den, and almost killing you miles below land level, all at the ripe age of 10? Hopefully you found yourself down there with your 6 best friends. You also let your mind do the forgetting. Well, what it can. There's some things you can't forget.

Until you leave Derry.

Eddie started forgetting the moment the plane took off, whether he realized it or not. He managed to remember his friends for a short while, but vaguely. He didn't remember the poems Ben gave him every birthday, or that the friendship bracelet on his left wrist was made by thee Beverly Marsh. He didn't remember that the reason his room was always so tidy was because Stan Uris couldn't help himself every time they chose Eddie’s place as the hangout spot (when Sonia wasn't home of course), or all the scary stories Bill liked to tell at their weekly sleepovers at the ass crack of 3 am. He didn't remember how Jessica and Will Hanlon were by far the superior parents of the friend group and the snacks they so generously provided to said group were the best he ever had, no doubt that Mike directly inherited their kind and generous traits.

When he woke up at the end of his plane ride, he didn't even remember that the lily flower in his hand was given to him as a parting gift by Richie, whose parents picked him up from the airport after he gave one last hug goodbye at the gate and waved Eddie off with flower in hand. Even after intently looking down, confused, and finally remembering it was indeed Richie who gave him the flower, he still didn't remember Richie’s endearing flower giving habit.

He promised them he'd stay in touch, but it wasn't long before the initials BH, BM, SU, BD, MH, and RT were just meaningless letters next to a series of unknown house phone numbers.

It wasn't until he forgot one particular conversation with Bill during a sleepover one night in 6th grade that he forgot Richie completely.

“Bill?” Eddie whispered, lying down in Bill’s bed, not even sure if Bill was awake.

“Y-yeah?” Bill replied after some silence.

“So, we're best friends right?”

“Well y-yeah, I m-mean all-” Bill started before being interrupted.

“No I mean like, I know the seven of us are best friends obviously, but I mean, we’re best-best friends, you know what I mean? Like even before the lucky seven it's always been us right?”

“Oh. Yeah I s-suppose.” Bill reassured him.

It took Eddie a second to try and gather his thoughts and articulate what he was trying to say.

“Well, I feel like, Richie’s different from all of you.”

“Yeah n-no sh-shit Eddie, that k-kid can't k-keep his mou-” Bill was again interrupted.

“No, that's not what I mean. I mean,” Eddie again had to organize his thoughts in his head, which proved to be difficult when not even he knew what he was thinking. “I mean I feel different with him. Like when he gives me flowers and stuff, and he's the only one that calls me Eds. But I know you're my best friend. My best-best friend. Am I wrong? Maybe Richie is my best-best friend?” At this point it felt like Eddie was just saying it out loud for himself.

After a few seconds, which felt like several minutes to Eddie, Bill giggled.

“What?” Eddie asked, almost panicked.

While Bill didn't necessarily believe this, the thought amused him greatly. “It s-sounds like you have a c-cr-crush on h-him.”

“Wh-... you th-” Eddie just about got whiplash from Bill’s statement. “You think I have a crush on him?!”

“I n-never said that… I j-just said it s-sounds like you do.”

“I'm not… I don't like boys like that. My mom told me what it means if you do and what happens, and I don't think I do,” he backtracked.

At this point, Bill was almost asleep. “Okay Eddie, that's fine,”

“I think maybe you're just both my best friends,” Eddie assured, but undoubtedly he said this more for himself than for Bill. Bill probably succumbed to slumber before Eddie could even start.

Once any evidence of this conversation having occurred left his brain, any trace of Richie was buried deep under newer things. The others were already long gone. The nightly nightmares he experience fizzled out eventually, but they did resurface every once in a while. On the other side of the same coin however, he did have dreams about the good times with the losers. He never remembered them when he woke up, though.

Not to mention, he was frequently frustrated at his lack of motivation to clean his room properly, wondering why his always clean room in Derry suddenly had no place in his new life in Ohio. Where's a Stan Uris when you need him?

He tried to make friends. For a bit he was even in a nice friend group of people he clicked fairly well with, they were funny and kind and they welcomed him with open arms. But nothing felt right. They were funny, but it hurt to laugh at their jokes, they were nice, but almost too nice. If anyone so much as cracked a your mom joke, Eddie's first thought was an annoyed “Stop trying to be-” but always stopped short right there.

Stop trying to be who?

He didn't know. He didn't remember.

So at the end of his sophomore year, when he asked his mom to sign his permission form for the classes he wanted to take the upcoming school year, his mom declined.

“Eddie Bear, we're moving back to Derry this summer.” Sonia said apologetically, understanding he'll have to say goodbye to the friends he doesn't have.

“Wait, what?” confused was an understatement. He had to rack his brain for a moment to even remember what “Derry” meant.

“It’s getting difficult for me to support us financially here, so we're moving back near your Aunt Jodie and she's going to help us a little bit. We should start packing no later than the end of May, we’ll be out of the house and into the new one at the beginning of July in time for you to to get settled and start school at Derry High.”

Eddie had never felt more indifferent in his whole entire life, while also feeling an inkling of hope he didn't quite understand. If anything, his biggest curiosity was why he didn't feel even a whisper of sadness for leaving the people he knew in Marietta, Ohio. While Eddie didn't care about moving back to Derry, and it meant almost nothing to him on the surface, the Eds inside of Eddie couldn't help peeking through.

So they moved back. Eddie finished packing up his belongings before the deadline his mother gave to start packing had even passed, and he didn't bother telling any of his “friends” (perhaps acquaintances is a more applicable word) that he was leaving because the truth was, it was more trouble than it was worth. They would no doubt care more than twice as much as he did, so he left without so much of a trace of a goodbye.

Now that Eddie was 16, he could drive. While Sonia wouldn't buy Eddie his own car, not over her dead body, she did allow him to use hers when it was available, and given her physical state and social life, it was almost always available. After a solid 8 hours of unpacking his things in his new, snug room on an otherwise uneventful July evening, he picked up his mom's keys.

“Bye Mom!” he shouted loud enough for his mom to hear without bothering to hear her response as he shut the door.

He shoved the key in ignition. Despite not having been in town for 3 years, he was still able to navigate the area without assistance. He drove to the coffee shop that he had vague memories of visiting during middle school winters for hot chocolate with some friends whose faces he couldn't quite remember yet.

Walking in it didn't look much different. Not that Derry would care enough to update the coffee shop, or any shop for that matter, for any reason.

“Hi, how can I help you?” a blonde girl at the register asked uninterestedly.

She definitely hates her job, Eddie thought while pointlessly perusing the menu, already knowing what he planned to order. Sophomore year was not academically kind to Eddie, and a caffeine addiction to compensate for the mass amount of all nighters pulled did occur.

“Can I just have a black coffee with sugar?” he asked while digging through his tattered black wallet he received as a birthday gift in seventh grade. He then flinched his head up in response to hearing another employee drop an entire pitcher of coffee on the floor.

“Oh, fuck,” said worker pointedly exclaimed, which not only stirred a giggle out of Eddie, but his voice in combination with his oddly familiar black curly hair caused his heart drop, though completely lost as to why.

“Your name?”

“Hello?” She asked after a moment.

“Hello!” the blonde girl repeatedly nagged, trying to catch Eddie’s lost attention.

“What? Sorry I missed that,” Eddie finally grounded himself. Unfortunately his attempt to catch the other employees face failed as he stayed turned away and then hurried to his hands and knees on the floor.

“I need your name for your order.”

“Oh yeah of course, Eddie.” Not even seconds after his response, he heard something nearly inaudible, completely not understandable from the employee on the floor, which was confirmed by the blonde girl, which Eddie now gathered from her name tag to be Sarah, who exasperatedly asked about the other employee’s struggle.

“You alright down there?”

“Yeah, I’m just peachy, Sarah,” hearing the voice even clearer instilled a visceral reaction even stronger in Eddie once again.

Sarah took Eddie’s cash, distributed his change, and set his cup down on the back counter for when the other employee to make when he was done cleaning up his mess. He picked a seat close by the counter and waited. After a few minutes, longer than probably usual, given time dedicated to cleaning up the coffee on the floor, Eddie heard his name called by the same antagonist and saw his coffee set on the counter, but employee was again out of sight. Eddie grabbed the coffee and with no reason to stay he made his way back to the car.

Drinking his iced coffee on his way home, at a stop light he picked up his drink and studied it curiously. He noticed the boy who made his drink must have added his name for some reason because when Sarah set it down for him to make, there was nothing written on it. However, clearly on the cup, was his name:

While looking at the little flower next to his name made him smile, it was a cute gesture, it filled him with a familiar sense of longing and loneliness, as if he was missing something. He got home, finished his coffee, continued unpacking, dreadfully argued with his mom about leaving the house without telling her where he was going, and went to sleep. It was less of a need for caffeine but more of an eagerness to learn about a curly headed, clumsy employee that brought him back to the coffee shop the next day.

So he came back. He came back at the same time too, to have his best chance of the boy being on shift.

“How can I help you?” Sarah asked.

“Black coffee with sugar, Eddie.” successfully staying on track with Sarah this time around.

Again, she set the blank cup on the counter and just like before, his name with a dainty doodle of a flower beside it. Unfortunately, even if he wanted to say anything to the employee which Eddie now knew wears a big pair of glasses, his introverted nature wouldn't allow it. Back to home it was, to continue setting up his new room.

The next couple of weeks was the same routine, and quite lonely. Being in the middle of summer, with no school to be his vessel of socializing, and no friends, it was him, his lonely self, and his mom. For all intents and purposes, him and his lonely self.

However one morning, in a hurry as he had a family gathering for brunch to attend to, he knew he wouldn't be able to get to the coffee shop in the evening so he came in the morning, despite knowing the shift would likely not be the same.

He walked in and noticed it was in fact not Sarah at the register but didn't look further.

“How can I help you?” The boy at the register was looking down.

“Just a black coffee and sugar. Eddie.” He got the cash from his wallet and told the boy he could keep the change as he was already late to his aunt's house and confident he could do without the dollar and 74 cents. As he walked to the counter to get his coffee as soon as it was ready, he noticed the boy scribbling his name and a flower on the cup but his brain didn't process anything other than how late he was. He took his coffee eagerly and made his way back to his car, knowing his mom (who was already there after being picked up by her sister) was no stranger to yelling at Eddie for “caring more about himself than his family”.

On the drive to his house he allowed himself time to think and thought about the boy at the register. He was familiar to Eddie and not just because he's seen him every day for two weeks, making his regular order with ease.

The Coke bottle glasses.

The flower.

The unkempt, black, curly hair.

But that was still too out of reach for him. He thought about it for as long as he could without having an aneurysm from working his brain too hard and decided he would come back the next morning for the same shift.

Sonia greeted Eddie outside before he was able to come inside.

“Eddie bear, why are you so late?”

“Sorry ma, I was up late finishing my summer assignment and I stopped to get coffee when I left,” Eddie started despite knowing this wouldn't be enough to appease his mom.

“Aunt Jodie is being very kind to help us out and this is the first time seeing family since we've gotten back, you should show your gratitude properly. Say thank you when we come in.”

“I will, Ma. Why didn't you just wake me up and take the car here?”

“Aunt Jodie wanted to catch up with me before everyone else got here. She took us to breakfast. I figured you'd have enough autonomy to drive yourself here on time. Are you feeling well? Did you sleep enough?”

“Yes, ma!” Eddie spoke as he got out of the car and locked it, handing the keys to his mom. “I just overslept. Sorry for being late.”

However, while his cousins and aunts and uncles were asking him how Ohio was and if he was sad to leave his friends and if he left a broken hearted girlfriend back in Marietta, all he could think about was the coffee shop employee who never failed to doodle a flower next to his name.

He got home late, worked on his summer assignment, because against what he told his mom, he had in fact not started yet. He made sure to wake up at the same time as the morning before and headed to the coffee shop. To his pleasure, the boy was at the register.

“How can I help you?”

Eddie stared at him.

“Uh,” He couldn't help but chortle as Eddie stared, wordlessly, and then it appeared as though a freight train of memories hit him square in the head.

“Oh my God,” Eddie nearly dropped to the floor. “Richie? Richie fucking Tozier? Is this a joke?”

“Ya know Eds, I was starting to think you really forgot me. Or maybe you just hated me.” Richie allowed himself to laugh.

“I… I did forget you? But how? We-” and at that moment Richie could visibly see It creep itself back into Eddie’s memories.

“Holy shit? You forgot about that too? Do you have amnesia? What happened to that pretty little head of yours?” Richie put his hand on Eddie's forehead and pretended to feel his temperature.

“Oh my God,” whiplash had struck Eddie again. “I need to sit down,” He started to move to a chair nearby when he remembered more. “The others! Beverly, and Ben, and Stan and Bill and Mike!” he quite literally felt like someone waking up from a 20 year coma, rediscovering everything that happened before he fell asleep.

“They're peachy. Stan's actually getting back from visiting his family in Florida today.” Richie informed him. “Any reason you never stayed in touch like you said you would? Left a man hanging.”

“It's like, wait- those initials were yours!” Suddenly three years of wondering who those house numbers in his binder belonged to clicked. “It’s like I forgot you guys as soon as I left,”

“That soon? Ed's, you wound me,” Richie teased. “But you're still wearing the friendship bracelet Bev made.” He held out his wrist and displayed a bracelet of the same pattern but in different colors. “What’s she got that I don't?”

For the first time in 3 years, Eddie let out a genuine laugh.

“Are you busy, cutie? I'm on break in 15 minutes and I can get someone to cover the rest of my shift,” Richie asked, hopeful.

“Yeah that's fine.. uh.. have you been working every day? All day?” Eddie asked, concerned.

“Well the past couple of weeks at least a couple of us from the gang has been visiting family or doin’ some crazy shit so I figured I'd make use of time and make some money, we're doing a road trip in a couple of weeks.”

“Oh that's cool-”

“You're invited, if you want, obviously. What better way to celebrate you coming back than a road trip? Ed's, just wait till’ they find out you're back-” Richie cut himself off when he noticed another man walk into the shop and they both decided to end the conversation there so he could order. “Okay hold on I'm gonna take his order, and I'll be out in 10 minutes, you can wait here if you want?”

“Sounds good,” Eddie couldn't help the smile on his face, it's contagiousness showing in Richie's smile.

After waiting for a bit, Richie came from the back out of his uniform, a bag on his shoulder, and a rose in his hand. He held it out to Eddie.

“Do you just, carry flowers with you?” Eddie looked at him curiously.

“No but I- after I saw you yesterday morning and I passed this one on my way to work, something told me I should grab it.” Eddie took it. “Flowers still get ya goin’?” Eddie punched him in the shoulder.

“Thanks, Rich.” He smiled.

“Where to now, spaghetti?” Richie put his arm around Eddie.

“For 3 glorious years I never had to hear that, don't call me spaghetti!”

“Okay Eds, answer the question!”

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it #stephen king #IT by stephen king #Stephen kings IT #it fic #reddie fic

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hollyhomburg · 5 years ago

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hello! sorry to be a bother but I’m confused at the thought of you being asexual, but with sexual feelings? I don’t mean to sound rude or stupid but could you please go into more detail of that? I’ve wanted to know more about the topic for a while but I can’t find the answers to my questions online and my family doesn’t know much about it either,, what you described sounded a lot like demisexuality to me but then again what do I know. you don’t have to answer if this makes you uncomfortable!

okay im going to make a short list of things because i wrote a really long rant and it kind of was verry poorly organized, but in short i am a non-sex repulsed asexual.

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity

i do not have sexual feelings, or do rarely and only in theoretical ways not physical ways.

the last time i had sex was 6 months ago and i feel no desire to repeat that encounter, nor do i feel like that’s ‘been a long time’ or feel an increased desire to find someone and have sex with because i haven’t had sex. i feel the same amount of sexual feelings right now- that i did before, during, and after the sex i had 6 months ago.

out of the 20 or so male and female intimate partners ive had (ie- people i’ve had sex with) i’ve only had sex i found at all satisfying in an emotional and physiological way with 3 of them and it had nothing to do with how romantically connected i was with them. one was a boyfriend, another was a friend, and a different one was an acquaintance (ie- someone i knew but never ‘hung out” with) because of this and the fact that ive had my relationships with people i loved dearly ruined by my lack of sexual attraction- i dont consider myself demisexual. i know demisexual people and the fact that i have sex with strangers would be an affront to that.

from a purely phsyical standpoint- orgasams feel good, this has nothing to do with sexual attraction. so yeah- ace people masterbate for no deeper reason than that.

in my history, i've gotten up in the middle of sex that was from a physical standpoint probably going to lead to an orgasam- and gotten pizza, because an orgasam + pizza sounds better than just a orgasam and bonous points if it’s in my own bed- like that’s what drunk me was in college. i've done that to boys on 3 separate occasions.

And then this metaphor:

okay so like metaphors- imagine you’re a kid in gym class, you hate most of the games, basketball is a total no (vanilla sex) and so is baseball (sex with strangers, and to be honest even though you want to like it because your significant other does football just isn’t your thing but you watch the superbowl or a game occasionally to appease them and even get into it because like- you’re supposed to like football right (sex with romantic partners),

but then- let's take a game that a fair bit different- like capture the flag with all of it’s strategy and mobility and different avenues it’s a lot more complex, taxing, and potentially harmful that the other sports with a different terrain- it’s still a game that requires at least making the effort to run after the flag, but the whole point of the game won't be reached with brute force the way the others will.

every motion has to be thought out and intentional to achieve the goal, even if by the end of the day you’ve still run and exercised and done just as much as you would have during the other games. and yet- this game gives you a different high than the others do, you might not love the exercise you do during the game, while other people have no problem breaking a little sweat- but at the end of the day it makes you feel different than the others do- you like flag football.

for me capture the flag is dom/sub shit and other bdsm things. i’ve been in subspace before and that’s the only reason why i’d ever seek out sex. most of the others i just find incredibly boring, and often partake in them because i want to play capture the flag but capture the flag requires alot more outside things than a gym class room.

i will be honest- all of the sexual encounters that i have had that i’ve liked and would gladly repeat again have been in some way related to bdsm. that’s because i crave closeness, physical expressions of trust, and intimacy. i like feeling small, i like feeling taken care of and broken down because someone will take the care to put me back together. that is what i desire, not a person, an act, or anything tied to attraction.

because of that (and i have been broken up with because of this) i could literally cuddle someone for an entire fucking day, and have before, and feel like every moment of that time was well spent and completely necessary. my love language is almost entirely physical affection and quality time (bonus points if the way you choose to spend that quality time is cuddling) for that reason aftercare is my favorite part of sex, hands down.

Hopefully that answered your questions!

#sorry if that got graphic

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snow-slayer · 5 years ago

Text

A Bunch of Good Things from 2019

*I don’t do things consistently, so there’s chunks of time I just forgot to write. So the blank spaces are days where I could not recall the exact good things that happened.*

January 1: Started the year off right by hanging out with @nah-young, eating some delicious leftovers from New Year’s Eve and working on a puzzle. Also caught a shiny Delibird in Pokemon Go as the first catch of the year. 2: Had a headache at work, but went home to take care of myself. Dad and I talked for a long time about money and taxes without arguing. I have also discovered a future hobby I want to get into: 3D printing. 3: I cranked out four solid hours of studying. I’m going to ace the Auditing section of the CPA exam. I feel it in my bones (especially when I finally stood up and stretched). 4: My ‘other mom’ (one of my best friend’s mom) took me out for a belated Birthday lunch to our favorite Thai food place, and I enjoyed more mango sticky rice. It’s one of my new favorite desserts. 5: Did some epic New Year cleaning. Caught up on laundry, filed away my 2018 paperwork, and did some 2019 taxes. Finally on top of things! 6: A puzzle day! I connected a big piece of the sky to the side on the Lion King puzzle. I’ve still got a lot to go, but progress is being made. 7: As usual, I both surprised and pleased the teller at the bank when I moved some money from savings into my IRA. They wanted to know if it was for tax year 2018, but I could tell them last year was maxed out and it was for 2019. 8: Got to practice my training and supervising skills with @arrowhearts. 9: Spent the night at Lucy’s (she’s a cat). She’s the sweetest cat though, and was cuddling in my lap for so long! She even held my finger with her paw for like ten minutes. I love her. 10: It’s been forever, but I finally sat down and played some video games. I’m replaying Arkham Asylum again and really just exploring every nook and cranny I can find. 11: Might have started a new Francis story line ... Whoops :) 12: Helped Jane clear an apartment and acquired many new tools and art supplies to use. 13: Snow! It was snowing before bed, but I still woke up at 5 am to about 4 - 5 inches. Activated my dad gene and started shoveling at 5:30 am (sorry neighbors to the house I was dog sitting at). It’s so pretty out! 14: A quiet day, but I did some work for Jane and gamed some more. Can’t wait to start Arkham City when I get 100% on Arkham Asylum! 15: I took my coworker a basket of fun snacks from Lotte for her Birthday. She’s so excited to try them all! 16: Donated blood today and when I went to get dinner on the way home, I got a free salad! The entree was already free and I ordered a side salad. I pulled out my wallet to pay, but the coupon covered it, too! 17: Treated myself to breakfast on the way into preschool (my new volunteer place since the teacher I followed to several elementary schools is now at). Also ate some amazing home cooked food for lunch with @nah-young before going out for ice cream. 18: Did some very early spring cleaning to prep for my next yard sale and straighten up a bit. 19: Beat the storyline and finished gathering all of Riddler’s trophies in Arkham Asylum. I do still need to finish up the additional content for 100% completion. 20: Working with Jane to help clean out an apartment again and got stencils to use for my art (the ones with shapes of different sizes). I had wanted to get me a set, so I really lucked out. 21: Started reading a book for fun. Lol, I forgot that I can still read non-accounting things for fun. 22: Sent out 1099s at work. It’s always a dreaded part of the year, but it’s taken care of! 23: I started uploading my old Franmouche stories to AO3. I forgot that I’d written 185 pages of them. At least if someone else likes my rarepair, they have lots to read. No guarantees on the quality, but there is quantity. 24: Made fun penguin cutouts for the preschool class I volunteer at. Then studied for nine hours on campus. A busy, yet productive day. 25: Finished watching all my lectures for the next portion of the CPA exam! So much auditing knowledge!!! 26: Panic alleviated. My check engine light had been on for a few days. Usually it’s just a gas cap issue so I was worried, but after readjusting the cap again (which usually fixes it) and an oil change, the light went out! 27: Played some Pokemon Go for four hours with @arrowhearts and Lyla. No Kyogre, but at least we each got a Groudon. Plus, the weather was beautiful for this time of year. 28: I found a dollar today while sweeping the parking lots with my dad! I’m gonna be riding this wave for a week. (Fun fact: my dad and I used to go bike riding on Sunday afternoons/evenings in the local parking garages and look for pennies. We’d always get bragging rights when we found a quarter or more. We still get excited and tell each other of the day’s finds when we find a few coins while we’re sweeping). 29: Had a bit of a headache, but managed to get through it so I could finish the workday. Then I get some well deserved rest. 30: Met up with @nah-young for some fries and ice cream! 31: My annual physical went well! Took care of a couple test we’ve been putting off, too, and they weren’t quite as bad as I thought they’d be.

February

1: I had such a productive day in the office, even for a Friday. Special thanks to @arrowhearts for helping me move all (24 years worth) of our files. 2: Started off the day a little rough and feeling low, but I decided to go up to campus, and I’m so glad I did. I was able to help a bunch of people get to their destination. Also hung out with @nah-young and @arrowhearts in a sketchy room. 3: Technically today (starting at 1 am). Had a great talk with @nah-young about a lot of things including our friendship. Successfully avoided the Super Bowl (which I heard sucked, so that was a good use of my time). 4: Had a really good conversation with my dad for almost an hour. We had some fights earlier in the year, but it was nice to be able to connect some. 5: It’ll be silly to look back on, but I thought I lost a reference letter for a scholarship applicant, but realized I could find it on our shared drive. Such a relief! 6: I tried Duck Donuts for the first time today. One of our board members brought me and a coworker a half dozen each. 7: Caught a Miltank in Pokemon Go! I thought I missed my chance, but there was a special running, so I got it. 8: Just heard we got a new boss at work, so it’ll be nice to be full staffed again. 9: Started working on a painting for @arrowhearts. It might be my first completed artwork of the year. 10: A lazy day, but I flipped through a book on home decorating. You know, to plan for my future house. 11: Officially started working for Jane’s business. We’ll see how it goes, but at least it’s an extra couple of hours per week. 12: Finished a dog sitting job, and I’m super thankful to be sleeping in my own bed again. 13: I gave Lucy, the sweetest cat ever, a piggyback ride and it was the cutest thing ever. I was on my knees and forearms trying to get Lucy to boop my nose when she just climbed on my back and sat down. I rose up on my knees and hands and she did the “i’m not so sure but I’m going to stay here” stand and let me crawl across the floor a while before finally jumping off. I love this cat. 14: Took the auditing section of the CPA exam. I feel much better about this one than I have about the other two. We’ll see on the 26th. 15: Such a busy day at the office! It was productive, but just a lot of work. 16: Even though I just too the other exam, I managed to get a lot of studying done. 17: Mamaw and I got to chat and work on the puzzle for a while. It was nice to hang out with her since I haven’t done son in quite a while. 18: We had some really good food at our investment club meeting today. Sheppard’s pie (like meat and mashed potatoes), salad, this great cracker dip (I have no other details other than feels like sharp cheddar finally shredded with a hint of spice in some sort of sauce). 19: Our new executive director started today. I think I made a pretty good first impression! 20: Started playing Arkham City again. We had a snow day and even my office closed, so I made the most of my day. 21: Lol and today I finished the main storyline of Arkham City. Accidentally, because I was doing side quests, but Batman got mad when I tried to go finish some before the last mission. 24: I am obsessed with Excel, but I figured out a formula so that it would total certain categories even if they weren’t in order. Plus I learned how to make a drop down menu (on two versions of Excel). Guess who’s budget looks beautiful! 25: I caught a Latias in Pokemon Go. Not having much luck with the water legendaries. I wonder if they don’t like me because we picked the grass starter. 26: I passed the Auditing section! (and instead of keeping it quiet, I made a point to tell some people). Then @nah-young and I went to dinner to celebrate our successes of the day and just have a nice chat. 27: Good news: I starved off a migraine that was starting on Feb 26. Maybe this new method will help them from getting bad. Just took an Aleve with some hot tea. 28: Went on a Pokemon run, and I found $20 blowing across the yard when I got home! A nice find for the year.

March 1: I’ve been really getting into “Ghost Story” by Peter Straub and had so much time to just sit and read while it rained. 2: I watched “Spiderman: Enter the Spiderverse” today. An epic movie and I highly recommend it! I also have several new costume ideas... 3: Officially started working on my Library Comic Con cosplay. There’s not much to show, but it was nice to start costuming again. 4: Hiked up to the nearby bubble tea. It was good! I got a mango green tea creama. Next time I know I have to mix it up before I start drinking it. 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: Started replaying Castlevania IV. It’s been a while since I beat it, so hopefully I can still finish it! 11: I have proven myself an Excel deity. Well, at least Jane thinks though. She needed a spreadsheet for something and had some ideas so I whipped it out in five minutes flat with a bunch of formulas she didn’t even know were possible. I’m quite proud of it. 12: Lol, speaking of excel, I was geeking out over my budget with one of our board members. She was showing me how she built her itinerary in excel for her next trip and I got to show off my budget. 13: 14: 15: It was fake St. Patrick’s day at work, so I got to show off my green Riddler suit. Apart from being mistaken as dressing like a leprechaun a few times, I received a bunch of compliments on it. I’ve gotten a lot of use out of that suit jacket. 16: Tagged along with @nah-young to her grandfather’s birthday party and watched Bohemian Rhapsody. Apart from the timeline inaccuracies, I really enjoyed it! Look at that: two new movies in one month. 17: First big leaf job of the season. I guess the first major landscaping job. Dad helped out, so it made life easier. 18: Investment club meeting went well, and I ended up staying late to chat and help clean up, but it was enjoyable. Also had some great tiramisu from Trader Joe’s. 19: 20: 21: It was a downpour today, but I also made a 20 minute Costco run. Parking was great, the lines were short, and I managed to balance everything without a cart. Success! 22: Finally got around to doing invoices. It’s such a weight off my chest to take care of them. 23: I had the house to myself, so got ample studying done, played some pokemon, and treated myself to some bubble tea. Got myself a bunch of good pokes from Community day. 24: Another lovely day to sit and hang out with @nah-young. I always enjoy our hour long conversations just sitting in my car in her driveway. I also finished the lectures for the BEC portion of the CPA exam. 25: I found a gift card loaded with $30 today. It had been thrown into the dumpster, so a little gross, but it washed off nicely. 26: Ran up to the local library to turn in my books (look @arrowhearts, I did it the day before they were due and didn’t have to make a midnight run). I wasn’t going to check out more books since I already had some checked out from another library visit (I go to many branches due to my job and often check out a book or two, resulting in cycles of books due at different times), but I did anyway. I started reading Area X, too, and so far, I’m really enjoying it. 27: Our family’s accountants think I’m a bit weird because I was so excited to get my tax papers back even though I owed money. I was just like “cool!” to all the facts and things on my sheets, which is apparently not what they’re used to, but one of the new tax laws works in my favor as small business income is taxed at a lower rate or something. 28: 29: 30: I love Annihilation in the Area X series! I haven’t plowed through a book that fast in years. 31: I was catching up on my business spreadsheets and it turns out I had the most profitable March since I started my business :)

April 1: No April Fools jokes, which is always a huge plus. 2: 3: 4: Took the BEC section of the exam and then clocked in a bunch of hours for the Foundation. Jubilee is almost here!!! 5: 6: The Jubilee is over!!! What a relief! A lot of things went well, and I heard it was a lot of people’s favorite. Not sure what actually happened because I was stationed at check in/out all night, but hopefully the silent auction results are good. Huge shout out to @arrowhearts and @nah-young for getting me through the night! 7:A quiet morning of returning the Jubilee to the Foundation. Plus some other landscaping. 8: I know everyone at work is saying I should take time off, and I didn’t, but I’m actually feeling blessed that I have the physical and mental stamina to keep working on things. Plus, I need to catch up with post Jubilee stuff. 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: Got to talking with my art dealer for a long while and we exchanged headcannons and ideas. 20: Had a nice Pokemon run with @arrowhearts‘ dog. Plus, enough work to keep me out of trouble X) 21: A very busy Easter. I moved a huge mound of mulch. It was half the size of my car. Hopefully the home owner will like it. 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31: I’ve been feeling behind, but I finally knocked out a really important thing at work today. Got our annual applications in!

May 1: 2: 3: My gauntlets for my comic con costume look so cool! They’re a little stabby (there’s staples on the inside, although I should be able to tape it down for safety), but overall look cool for a first draft. 4: A long day, but I feel like I was really able to help my friend and her family, which is nice considering how much they do for me. 5: The event that happened wasn’t good, but I’ve been humbled as to how well our house was kept and motivated to try and become more organized. 6: Dad and I were chatting today, and we could even touch on topics in a civil manner. It was quite nice! 7: Just found out I passed the BEC section of the CPA exam! I’m 75% CPA!!! And no cavities were found after my dentist appointment :) 8: Frantically working on my costume, but my head piece looks really good! 9: Mom even chipped in to help. We rigged up a steampunk mask I have (which doesn’t fit on my head right) so that I can actually wear it. 10: I’ve been fasting for Ramadan and I think my body and I are finally on the same page. It was a rough start this year, but I’m looking forward to focusing on being thankful for what I have and working on self discipline. 11: Library Comic Con! My costume is a bit rough, so no final pictures, but I have plans to make it better! 12: It was a busy Sunday. Lots of lawns, but thankfully the weather was cool. 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: Had a nice meeting with my boss. I keep feeling like I’m not on top of things or she’s disappointed, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Plus, she said I did great at the finance committee meeting, so that was nice. 18: Although I scared everyone I worked with all day, I was able to donate blood even though I had been fasting. 19: I saw the tiniest inch worm while I was pulling weeds today. It was more like a quarter inch worm and it was just trying so hard to climb up my arm when I found it. I also saw the first lightening bugs of the year. As a bug type Pokemon trainer, I’m quite pleased with all of this (less so with the mosquitoes though, as I got my first bite of the season). 20: I have found a nice way to keep cool at the property Dad and I work at. I’m allowed to douse my head, neck, and hat with the hose, and man does it feel good! 21: I received many compliments at the executive committee meeting for all my hard work on the budget, the Jubilee, and finance committee. 22: Caught up on reconciliations at work (finally). It’s been just a nightmare, but I’m happy they’re done. 23: Another me day. I’ve been taking Thursdays off and got to game for a bit but also accomplish a lot of laundry and studying. 24: Had a good meeting at work to discuss the future of the nonprofit I work at. Plus I finally made a phone call I didn’t want to make. 25: Went to a foam helmet making class with a coworker. I’m super excited to start trying out this style, and I think the sample we made in class can easily be used to make a helmet for Vile. Might have purchased a few things to go with it :) 26: Found a new drink that I love from Kung Fu Tea! Also got to rewatch Coco, which is always good. 27: Part of my afternoon spent working with Jane was changing her screen saver. It was set up for one photo of pictures, but some were so fuzzy, so we set up new pictures and I got to add my fuzzball to the reel. 28: I visited one of Jane’s friends to discuss dog sitting and we had such a nice conversation afterwards. 29: I found a four leave clover today while mowing lawns. It’s been years since I’ve found one, so that was exciting. 30: I plowed through about 6 hours of studying for the FAR portion of the CPA exam. Only two more lectures and then onto multiple choice! 31: Filled out a form at work (finally). Now I just have to hope my boss will sign it and have it notarized.

June 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: Took the (hopefully) last CPA exam. It was nice as I spoke to an elevator engineer before the exam and it helped to calm my nerves a bit. 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: Wasn’t sure what day to put this on, but @nah-young and I hung out for hours just sitting and chatting on the cats’ back porch. 15: Successfully navigated into DC with the help of @arrowhearts (and had an interesting laugh about her being my son...? Oh well, at least we got to give the people sitting outside a show as we left the building with two rollie office chairs each). 16: Started working on my Halloween costume. I’ve abandoned the idea I originally had and will be switching to a different Mega Man X character (fun fact: it was a costume I originally intended to make before being introduced to Scaramouche back in 2017) 17: It was a scorcher, but had a slurpee for the first time in almost a year. I’m so thankful for the 7-11 within walking distance of where my dad and I work on Mondays. 18: I’ve officially passed the CPA exam! Now onto the next steps... 19: I have been struggling with telling people good news, but I did make an effort to inform some people about me passing the exam. 20: Told some more people about the CPA exam and just trying not to stress. I got celebratory milkshakes for my family after dinner. 21: My coworkers are so sweet. They brought me in a cake and we had a mini celebration. 22: 23: 24: 25: 26:Found a praying mantis while mowing. She kept standing where I wanted to mow, so I got to pick her up and put her somewhere safe (with lots of snacks for her!) 27: 28: 29: So glad I went to see Detective Pikachu with @nah-young and @arrowhearts! I really enjoyed it! 30: 31:

July 1: A new fiscal year! I did manage to get a good bit done on my latch hook. 2: A sudden thunderstorm took me off the weed pulling job early (i.e. a perfect opportunity to read). 3: It was quiet in the office. Too quiet ... yet super productive! I processed so many gifts and letters. 4: I don’t really celebrate, and spent a lot of it working, but played some pokemon in the rain. It was a warm day, so the cool rain felt so refreshing! 5: A jammed packed day with trashrooms, a bank run, and more pokemon quests! I completed another 15 and hatched a new pokemon. Plus I finished another book: Dr. Death. 6: A busy day, but I was able to finish everything so I can take the next day off completely (for once). Again, apologies to @arrowhearts for dragging you out and getting caught in a downpour so I could get some bubble tea! 7: 8: 9: 10: Unboxed my unicycle! Not sure when I’ll ride, but it’s ready when I am. 11: 12: 13: 14: The vanity is back in my bathroom! Dad’s renovating it, and it’s been a slow process, but I finally have a sink! 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: Spent a few hours working on cleaning the basement, and I’m finally seeing some of the fruits of my labor. 21: 22: 23: 24: Officially finished the Vile helmet! 25: Just started a new dog sitting job, and the house is right on top of a pokestop. Guess I’m going to have a full item bag again! 26: Finally got myself a memory stick for my PSP. I’m replaying the Maverick Hunter X game ... because I can! 27: Got three team rocket grunts in one day at the one stop. 28: Plowed through the Vile portion of Maverick Hunter X. Lol, I probably make it harder on myself since I only use my favorites, regardless of if they’re good against the boss. 29: Had a huge crab and shrimp dinner at Jane’s house. 30: Hung out and ate delicious homemade butter chicken with my best friend’s mom (she’s basically like my other mother). We laughed and chatted, showed off our latest projects, probably kept the neighbors up, and just had a good time until like 2 in the morning. 31: Welp, it wasn’t a raid day for armored Mewtwo, but @arrowhearts and I did defeat more Team Rocket Go grunts in the rain.

August 1: Chatted with @nah-young for a few hours and I’ve got a new place to eat on my radar! 2: I kept feeling like I was letting my boss down because I couldn’t answer her questions/didn’t understand, but she insisted I was handling myself well, and found the information she needed later. Plus, she’s very complimentary of my work and appreciates my transparency and work ethic, both of which I work hard on and value. 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31:

September 1: 2: 3: It’s official! We’re having a Halloween party at work. If my new schedule turns out, I’ll be at work on that day and will show off a costume. Not sure if it will be the one I’m working on, but I can always recycle an old one. 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: I had such a good ripstik run. @nah-young and I practiced for a good while yesterday (and she did her first trick, too!). I guess it’s nice to see the fruits of our practice since we’ve been working off and on for about a month. 16: Had the investment club meeting at my house. I didn’t get to cook everything, but I picked the recipe and it turned out well! 17: I finished “Every Tool’s a Hammer” by Adam Savage (from Mythbusters) and I really recommend it. It’s such a great book for anyone who makes or creates. It’s a fun read and chocked full of helpful hints. 18: I decided to start reading the Naruto series. I’m enjoying it so far! Now I just have to wait for the next to volumes to be available from the library. 19: I started replaying Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase. It’s amusing, although I’m a little rough. 20: 21: 22: 23: I’d been on the fence about taking a vacation early next year because I want to save up for a down payment, but after talking to my dad, I decided I’d do a little something. I still need to work out the plans (and make sure the people I want to visit are free), but I’m looking forward to it! 24: 25: 26: There’s a chance I might be going full time at my office job, so dad encouraged me to take the day off from trash rooms. I still got up early, but knocked out a bunch of chores, finished Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase, finished a drawing, and cleaned in the basement a bit. 27: Lol, I just realized I have three cycles of books checked out again. I started reading The Wicked Years series. I’m trying to set aside time each night so I can read a chapter or two before bed. 28: I made the pattern for my gauntlets! I’m actually trying to do it the right way and making measurements, creating an accurate template, and just generally taking my time. 29: Part 2 of the gauntlets: They’re made! My template worked and I spent a couple of hours slowly forming and shaping them. I still need some practice on the gluing component, but at least they feel sturdy. 30: Started replaying DK 64 again. I really love this game. Besides Gauntlet Legends, it’s probably my favorite N64 game we own. 31: Got rained out at work, but managed to take it easy in the afternoon and just generally keep ahead with laundry.

October 1: Today officially marks the first day of working full time at my office job. They added ten hours a week, so now I’m working 4 days at 10 hours each. It’ll take a little adjusting. I’m happy for the extra hours! 2: I sent out invoices on time for once! 3: It was my fuzzball’s 16th Birthday today! Someone also brought in some really yummy snacks to work that were leftover from a meeting. I also managed to create templates for the leg gauntlets and cut them out of foam. I’m just rolling with the motivation now, and would like to have Vile finished by Halloween (keep reading to find out if it was finished). 4: Really just having a good time playing DK 64. Knocked out Gloomy Galleon, so all that’s left are my favorite levels! 5: 6: 7: I have leg gauntlets formed. Lol, I guess I should look up the name... All that’s left is the chest plate and cape! 8: I lucked out! My coworker can’t go to a book signing even this weekend and asked me to get her book signed since I’m going. It was the perfect opportunity to get my hands on a copy of “Where the Crawdads Sing” which I wanted to read before this weekend. 9: Making some headway on the costume again! Arm and leg gauntlets have the plating and base coat of plastidip. 10: I finished “Where the Crawdads Sing” within 48 hours of having it my possession. That’s such a huge accomplishment to read something so quickly and eagerly! 11: I was plowing through my to do list at work. I knocked out 11 items. Woo! 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: My Halloween costume is finished *gasp* before Halloween! Barely, but it counts. 31: I won the most creative costume at work! Well, tied for first, but that’s cool.

November (whoops, I really forgot to write this month) 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31:

December 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: My coworker is back! She had been on extended leave for a while, but now she’s back. She bring such a positive and fun attitude to the workplace. 13: 14: I’m officially 25! I worked a few hours in the rain, but got a lot done (and saw Lucy, my favorite cat I cat sit). Instead of going to a steakhouse for dinner, which I’m not a fan of, we ended up going to somewhere I did enjoy. Overall, it was a nice and quiet celebration. 15: 16: 17: I finished the Naruto series today! It was a good series, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Going to take a manga break to work on a few novels I have checked out and then decide which series to start. 18: 19: A busy day again. Knocked out two leaf clients for the year and went to see three bands perform at a local music club. I stayed out way too late, but had a great time hanging with a friend, one of the performers, and the performer’s friend. 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: Hung out with my brother and grandmother. I crushed them in several games! 25: Went to my coworkers in the afternoon and dueled for the first time in quiet a while. They wiped the floor with me, but I had fun with my deck destruction deck. 26: 27: Ended up hanging out with Jane for a while and just chatting about everything. We’re seeing eye to eye on a lot of things, so it was nice. 28: Finished my leaf jobs for the year! Time to relax. 29: 30: 31: Welp, ended up being sick and missing out on the intended New Year plans. I guess I did start the year with a migraine, so here I am ending it with one. After I rested up, I did start playing my favorite video game. Plus, I frantically read “Hey, Kiddo!” before the end of the year

Notable stuff

Highlights: Passed the CPA exam Officially hired full time

Books read: “Ghost Stories” “Every Tool’s a Hammer” “Where the Crawdads Sing” “Wicked” Naruto series “Hey, Kiddo!”

Movies watched: Spiderman: Enter the Spiderverse Mary Poppins 2 The Princess and the Frog Pokemon Lucario

#2019 in review #2019 #a year in review

2 notes · View notes

txnysheart · 6 years ago

Text

let’s get on with living (while we can) [7]

chapter 7: i intend to hold you for the longest time

word count: 6815

warnings: chemo, chemo side effects, homophobia

summary: the press start speculating about steve and tony’s absence from the public, peter goes through his second round of chemo, and there’s a press conference

read on ao3: x

playlist: x

chapter 1 - chapter 2 - chapter 3 - chapter 4 - chapter 5 - chapter 6 - chapter 7 - chapter 8 - chapter 9

series masterlist | masterlist

━━━━━━━━

ARE THE SUPERHERO HUSBANDS RETIRING? - Originally Posted on 29 Oct 2017, at 19:57

Sierra Nelson BuzzFeed Staff - Tony and Steve Stark-Rogers not making any public appearances for the past three and a half weeks has, understandably, started a flow of rumors. Avid fans have theorized everything from holidays to assassinations. However, the most popular theory is that this is the end of their careers as superheroes and the beginning of a comfortable retirement.

Tony is over halfway through his forties - I know, we can’t believe it either - and Steve will be an entire century old next year. The superhero business is a very dangerous and taxing one, so it would be understandable that they’d want to quit now, after all these years of risking their lives to keep civilians safe.

As much as they’ve earned a it, saving the world and whatnot, there are a few things that just don’t add up with the retirement theory.

First of all, they haven’t made any public statements about it. They were not part of the fight that took place right outside New York City two days ago. Only Natasha Romanoff, Bucky Barnes, James Rhodes and Sam Wilson were present. People were, and still are, expecting an explanation as to why neither Tony or Steve Stark-Rogers were on the scene, but so far; nothing.

Another point that has been made is that their teenage son, Peter Stark-Rogers, has also been absent from the public for just as long as his parents. While not much is known about the boy, we all know seeing him out with his dads, or other Avengers, is a common occurrence, as well as seeing him outside the tower as he heads to and returns from school. This has led some to believe that they could have moved to a more remote city no one has figured out where is yet, since Peter would obviously have to attend school somewhere.

Something many have suggested is that this is nothing more than a successful attempt at a secret vacation. After the incident two years ago where the paparazzi figured out the address of their holiday home in Malibu, it would make perfect sense for them to do their best to keep their travel plans private. No one will ever forget the iconic video of the couple telling the paparazzi off rather aggressively. Rightfully so, as they had snuck into the backyard, spooking their then 14-year old son who had been out there by himself.

So, the questions are many. Have we seen the last of Iron Man and Captain America in action? Are they on vacation? Are they just keeping a low profile? Or is something else going on?

Peter had just been scrolling on his phone, but handed it over to Tony when he saw the article. Tony held the phone in his left hand - he’d finally gotten the cast off the previous day.

“What’s wrong?” Natasha asked suspiciously as she eyed Tony’s skeptical expression.

“Press is speculating about why Steve and I haven’t been seen in public for a while,” he sighed, handing the phone over to Steve.

“What’s it say?” Sam asked, leaning forward. Everyone else was listening now too.

Bucky, Natasha, Sam, Pepper, Rhodey and Happy were all spending the day with Peter, Tony and Steve, seeing as the second round of chemo would begin the next day. They often popped in for short visits, but Steve had invited everyone over for dinner to take Peter’s mind off of things. By things, he really meant chemo.

“Just theories about why no one’s seen us. Looks like it’s tied between retirement and secret vacation,” Tony told them.

“Secret vacation would make sense, though. I mean, after what happened in Malibu,” Rhodey commented.

“A repeat of that, and I might actually kill the paparazzi this time,” Tony muttered, not forgetting how much they’d scared Peter anytime soon.

“That makes two of us,” Steve agreed with raised eyebrows and slightly tense body language.

“Yeah, that was… not fun,” the boy agreed, a tad bit uncomfortable thinking back to the event, and adjusted his beanie. He was rarely seen without it now.

“Quite the understatement, kid,” Steve commented when he gave him his phone back.

“Can I see that, Peter?” Pepper asked, already planning out an approach to this in her head. “Thanks,” she smiled when he gave her the phone. Reading over the article swiftly, she soon handed it back, and straightened up, suddenly looking very professional.

“Alright, what we need to do is to make some sort of public announcement, or they’ll just keep on speculating. I’m thinking a small press conference where I choose who get to be there so we know that whoever’s there are serious reporters. No tabloids, no people who’ve written or spoken negatively about you before, etcetera,” she suggested, but knew everyone would agree.

“You’re the expert when it comes to this. Sounds very good, Pep,” Tony approved.

“But what do we tell them? How specific are we?” Steve asked to clarify.

“We don’t lie, but they don’t need all the details,” she continued, and then made eye contact with Peter. “And you’re old enough to be part of deciding how much you want the press knowing. If you want them to know what’s going on with you, that’s okay, but we could also just tell them that there’s a personal emergency. They don’t need to know everything right now.”

“Yeah… Yeah, that last option sounds good,” Peter decided hesitantly. Pepper knew that they’d eventually have to come clean about what was happening, but didn’t say it out loud.

“Who’s gonna be holding the press conference?” Bucky asked. He was leaning back in the couch, arms crossed. Natasha was sitting next to him, cross legged, one knee resting on his thigh.

“Would you two do it?” Pepper asked Tony and Steve, who both nodded.

“Definitely,” Steve confirmed, then looking down at a tense Peter next to him. “You don’t have to be there,” he assured him.

“Good,” he breathed out, not at all fond of crowds. Especially not ones where he would be the center of attention.

“I’ll arrange it for Tuesday,” Pepper said, looking around the room to see if anyone disagreed. Tony shook his head.

“That would be great, but… chemo’s Monday through Wednesday. We can’t leave Peter.” The boy squirmed at his Dad’s words, feeling like a bother.

“Oh, god. Sorry. I- Sorry, it completely slipped my mind for a second,” Pepper apologized, realizing she’d gone full work mode and forgotten about the actual nature of the situation.

“Thursday could work,” Steve suggested. “If someone could look after Pete while we’re gone.”

“I’m not a baby,” Peter protested lazily.

“No, but you’re not gonna be feeling well,” Tony told him, even though he knew Peter knew.

“Right.” He looked uncomfortable at the thought. He’d rather forget about it for as long as he could.

“We’re watching the press conference together, obviously, so we’ll all be here with him,” Natasha said, as if stating the obvious.

Peter was relieved, but also a bit reluctant to let them see him at his worst. Even if it would only be for an hour or so, it could turn out to be just when he’s puking his insides out. He wasn’t keen on anyone having to be there for that.

“Good. Good, thank you,” Tony smiled. How he’d ended up with such great friends, he’d never understand. Natasha sent him a half smile, a little put off by the way he was acting. The snarky, sarcastic Tony had faded away rapidly the past few weeks, and the change was kind of unnerving. She’d kill for a ‘thank you’ packed into a joke at her expense. There’d never been any doubt that Tony cared about his family and friends more than anything. But he’d always shown it in his own distinct way. Not like this.

“Sure. Anytime.”

────────

“You’ve lost some weight, Peter,” Doctor Anne Reynolds said, her face expressing gentle concern when he stepped off the scale. Before each round of chemotherapy, he had to go through a few standard tests; a scan of his lungs, a physical examination, and a weighing.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Peter said sheepishly.

“It’s alright, I know it’s difficult to eat. What kind of foods have you had?”

“Uhm, it- it hasn’t been very varied,” he chuckled. “I’ve had a lot of smoothies and milkshakes. And pancakes and, uh… soggy corn flakes.”

“You’d be surprised how many people’s go-to food is soggy cereal,” Anne smiled reassuringly, writing down what he told her. “Well, everything is set. I’ll give you more antinausea drugs this time, that sound good?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

After a last minute trip to the toilet, he settled in the same comfortable chair he sat in last time. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like this part,” Anne apologized when she saw Peter squeezing his eyes shut at the sight of the IV. “You’re lucky you’ve got good veins, so I don’t have to stab you five times to get it right.” That got a slight laugh out of the boy. “There. All done!”

He relaxed his tense body, leaning back in the chair. “Bring on the drugs,” he smirked playfully, trying to hide how nervous he was. The first time he’d been scared because it was all new. He didn’t know what to expect, other than it being not nice. This time he was scared because he knew what it’d be like: very not nice. Maybe even less nice than last time.

With even more antinausea medication than the first time, he became really drowsy, curling up into a ball. Steve and Tony spoke softly to him, and by the time he was switched over to the chemo drugs, he was half asleep. He fell asleep shortly after, and was only really awake to drink water. When awake, he recognized the warm sensation murmuring in his body that Anne had explained was completely normal, and nothing to worry about. It was constant, almost buzzing, and even though he’d describe it as warm, he still felt cold. He was wrapped up in a thick duvet, and was, as always nowadays, wearing his beanie.

It was Steve who woke him up when it was time to move to the bedroom. He blinked tiredly up at him. God, he looked so young. “We’re just gonna move to bed, and then you can go back to sleep,” he explained, putting an arm behind his back to gently push him to sit up properly. “And Dad has pills for you that’s gonna help even more with the nausea later.”

“Mhm,” Peter acknowledged, stretching his legs out; they were pretty stiff after being curled up for hours.

“You good to walk?” Steve asked just to be sure.

“Mhm. Yeah, I’m good,” he yawned as he planted his sock-clad feet on the ground. “Where’s Dad?”

“In the bedroom,” Steve told him with a smile. Peter was adorable when he was tired. Shuffling his feet, he eventually made it there, Tony ready by the bed to tuck him in.

“You just go back to sleep,” Tony whispered, making sure the boy was comfortable, and kissed his forehead. With closed eyes, Peter reached one hand up to pull his beanie off, dropping it next to his pillow before dozing off.

Biting his cheek, Tony held back tears with a slight grimace on his face. It was so obvious - too obvious - now how sick Peter was, and he hated thinking about it so much. He absolutely despised it. Still, he couldn’t stop looking at him. His son. His only son. Probably the only child he’d ever have. And that was more than enough - he didn’t need anyone else. Peter was all he wanted. All he could ever wish for, and so much more.

I won’t ask why, he reminded himself.

“You okay?” Steve asked quietly, observing his husband. Tony shook his head.

“No.”

“Me neither.” Steve tugged at his hand, making him turn around so he could see his face properly. He didn’t like the hazy look in his eyes. “Don’t go,” he pleaded, voice so full of emotion, yet so quiet. His fingers danced over Tony’s cheekbone.

“I won’t. I’m right here.” Even though he was whispering, it was clear that he was sincere. And determined not to dissociate again. Steve was too, and brought him to their bed in the same room. None of them planned on sleeping - Peter could wake up at any given time - but Steve just wanted to hold him. To keep him firmly grounded. Tony let him; letting his husband dominate his senses. They breathed.

Steve hummed a melody Tony only recognized because he’d hummed it to him before. A part of him wanted to ask him what song it was, but he didn’t. If he did, it wouldn’t be special anymore.

The lights were dimmed - dark enough for Peter to sleep undisturbed, but bright enough for his dads to be able to see him. They were both faced towards him, Steve spooning Tony, holding him tightly.

“When he was little, I used to just watch him sleep. I… I didn’t sleep much, so I’d just sit and watch him,” Tony mumbled, eyes never leaving Peter. The way he let his sentence hang in the air told Steve that he wasn’t done talking. He just needed to organize his thoughts. “Always made him look even younger than he is,” he settled on.

“Mhm. Looks like a baby when he sleeps. Even now.” His voice was slightly muffled by Tony’s hair, and he used the opportunity to place a couple of kisses to the back of his husband’s head. Tony reciprocated by bringing Steve’s hand that was resting on his stomach to his lips, leaving feathery kisses on his knuckles, then cradling said hand to his chest.

How much time had passed when a noise from Peter caught their attention, they weren’t sure of, but they were up right away to see if something was wrong. By the time they reached his bedside, he was sitting up.

“Are you gonna be sick?” Steve asked, a hand on his shoulder. The boy’s face scrunched up.

“Not sure. Probably,” he mumbled. His face paled. “Yeah. Definitely.”

Tony grabbed the plastic bucket from right next to the bed, bringing it up to hold under Peter’s chin just in time. As he threw up, tears rolled down his face, and he sobbed whenever he got a break, which in turn had him panicking because he couldn’t catch his breath.

“You gotta breathe, sweetheart,” Steve coaxed when Peter’s throwing up paused for a little while. His breath hitched, making him cough, but he got a good, albeit shaky, deep breath, and it calmed him down a little; stopped his crying. Another deep breath, and then he was heaving into the bucket again, his stomach nearly empty, and then there was only bile coming up. It burned in Peter’s throat.

When nothing was left, Peter was still dry heaving, unable to stop his stomach from spasming, and he was crying again. He absolutely despised that part. It went on for at least a minute, and then he was breathing heavily, feeling exhausted. “I’m done,” he sighed, letting himself be pulled into Steve’s side while Tony went to clean the bucket.

“Honey, will you get him his toothbrush?” Steve called out.

“Sure thing,” Tony confirmed, flushing the contents of the bucket down the toilet.

“How’re you feeling?” Steve asked Peter, voice low and comforting.

“‘m okay. Really tired,” Peter mumbled into his chest, and it was just something about the way that he was slumped against him that made him tighten his grip around the boy and take hold of his legs to carefully hoist him into his lap. “Not a baby,” Peter attempted to protest, but the way he relaxed in his Pops’ arms betrayed his words. His face was pressed into Steve’s shoulder, and Steve was drawing slow circles on his back.

The endearing scene made Tony swoon when he came back into the room with the - now clean - bucket and Peter’s toothbrush.

Not even two minutes later, Peter was tucked back in, having brushed the acidic taste in his mouth away, and he’d swallowed an antinausea pill which he was begging would work.

When he’d dozed off again, the dads were still at his bedside, and Tony lifted his hand up hesitantly. He drew it back, letting it linger in the air. He almost put it back down in his lap, but decided against it, bringing it to Peter’s head.

Ever since they’d shaved his head, Peter hadn’t let anyone touch it, and always wore a beanie in the day. But the way he leaned into the touch even in his sleep, had Tony and Steve smiling. Tony lightly drew figures with his fingers, consumed by the way his son reacted to it; the same way he always had.

The usual feel of his soft curls was gone, and it felt a little strange to caress his son’s bald head, but he still adored it. Anything that’d make Peter feel better, Tony would do, and that was no secret. Steve would too, and was just as captivated at the scene in front of him as his husband.

Quietly scooching his chair closer to Tony’s, he latched onto the arm that wasn’t occupied with Peter, resting his head on Tony’s shoulder.

“Tired, honey?” Tony whispered, turning his head to look down at his husband.

“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbled with a smile, meeting Tony’s eyes for a couple of seconds before looking back down at Peter, content to just sit there watching him. “Love you, Tony,” he whispered.

“Sap,” Tony smirked, but still placed a kiss to the side of his head.

“Sure,” Steve laughed softly, tightening his grip on Tony’s arm a little.

────────

There was a knock on their bedroom door fairly early in the morning. Being the least groggy of the three, Steve got up and opened the door.

“Morning, Doctor. Everything alright?” he smiled politely at Anne who was holding a plastic bag.

“Oh, yeah, all good. I brought something for Peter. Is it okay if I come in for a bit?” she asked cheerily.

“Sure, of course. Pete just woke up.” Steve stepped aside, opening the door wider to let Anne into their room. She always had a smile on her face, and it was contagious.

“Good morning,” Tony greeted her from the chair next to Peter’s bed.

“Hey, Anne,” sounded the boy, giving her a wave. He was sitting up in bed, messing around with his phone.

“Sleep well?” she asked, sitting down in a chair on the other side of the bed. Steve sat down next to Tony.

“Yeah, pretty well. Only woke up a couple times, and fell right back to sleep,” Peter confirmed, pleased with at least feeling rested.

“Threw up?”

“Yeah,” Peter grimaced, “but it’s fine. Less than last time.”

“Well, good. ‘Cause I brought you something.

“Oh?”

“Mhm. You said you hadn’t been eating very varied, right?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, curious as to what she’d brought.

“So, I brought some other foods I think you might like.” The plastic bag she had put down by her feet rustled as she picked it up to put on her lap. “Get that overbed table, would you?” she asked Tony. It was right next to him, against the wall, so he was able to grab it without getting up, wheeling it so it was over Peter’s lap. “Thank you, Tony.” Both men had insisted on being called by their first name, just as Anne had.

First thing she put on the table was a small lidded plastic bowl of fruit salad. “I just brought small samples of everything, ‘cause I’m pretty sure you won’t like even half of it,” she chuckled. “But I think this is a great way to figure out more things you can eat so you don’t grow tired of the same things over and over again.

“Soggy corn flakes is getting a little boring,” Peter admitted.

“Good! Means you’re open to trying some new foods. This fruit salad doesn’t have anything with really strong flavors. Just bananas, pears, watermelon, honeydew and, uh, dragon fruit actually! Looks really exciting, but doesn’t taste much.”

“That sounds good, actually,” the boy smiled, taking the lid off the bowl to taste.

“You don’t have to taste it all now, I’ve got a few more options I’m gonna leave here for you, so no rush,” she explained, receiving a nod from Peter who took an experimental bite of watermelon. All three adults were very pleased when he gave a thumbs up.

“Next up is chicken,” Anne announced, pulling up a rectangle plastic box. “Skinless and boneless, and,” she pulled up another box, “you can have mashed potatoes with it.”

Peter nodded fairly enthusiastically, not even noticing the fact that he’d eaten five entire pieces of fruit. Steve and Tony looked excited at their son eating, and were so very grateful to have a doctor who truly cared about Peter.

“And then the less exciting counterpart to what you’re eating right now.” Another box was placed on the overbed table. “Normal salad. But, you might be surprised, this treatment can change up your tastebuds, so maybe you’ll love it!”

She proceeded to pull up a plain sandwich, applesauce, boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, and even some mints and hard candy. “It can help with nausea,” she explained, sending a sneaky wink in Peter’s direction.

“You’ve got an entire buffet here, kid,” Tony chuckled, looking at all the different foods on the table. “Thank you so much, Anne,” he said sincerely, gratefulness gleaming in his eyes.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she waved away, getting up from the chair. “I’ll get going, but I’ll see you guys in a few hours. Don’t eat it all at once, Peter,” she joked, and walked to the door. Peter laughed, waving at her before she closed the door behind her.

“You really liked that fruit salad, huh?” Steve asked, surprised, but happy to see that there was only one piece of fruit left. It wasn’t a big portion by any means, but Peter evidently enjoyed it.

“Yeah, guess I did,” Peter agreed, just as surprised as Steve when he realized the piece of dragon fruit he just picked up was the last one. He popped it in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed before speaking again. “Don’t think I wanna try anything more right now, though. Can we put it away for later?”

“Sure, I’ll go put it in the fridge,” Tony said, stacking up the boxes so they’d be easy to carry.

While Tony was out of the room, Steve noticed the way Peter kept wringing his hands together quite harshly. “You okay, Petey?” he asked, and Peter looked confused when he met his eyes.

“What?” Steve gestured to his hands. “Oh, my hands just hurt a little.”

“Want me to massage them?”

“Could you?” Peter almost sounded desperate, and Steve furrowed his brows.

“Of course,” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. And, to him, it was. Peter held out his hands, and Steve took hold of his right one first, kneading it gently. The boy sighed with relief at the feeling, visibly relaxing back into the bed that kept him sitting up. His eyes were closed, and the corner of his lips were curled upwards in a barely-there smile.

Getting back from his trip to the nearby kitchen, Tony looked on from the door for a few seconds, a little lost in how content Peter looked before Steve beckoned him over. “Sit on the other side of him,” he told his husband, and Tony did so. “His hands hurt,” he explained, lifting Peter’s hand up to show Tony he was massaging it.

“Mhm,” Peter confirmed sleepily, and Tony laughed fondly as he reached for his son’s other hand. Both men were happy to keep massaging his hands until they had to get ready for the chemo session of the day.

They’d do anything for him.

────────

Come Wednesday evening, and Peter was back to being absolutely worn out. Him feeling so well at the beginning of the second round on chemo had only been false hope. He’d barely been able to sleep, his bones and muscles had ached, and he’d thrown up a lot. But, he’d become quite fond of fruit, and ate quite a bit of that, to everyone’s relief.

When Tony had gotten the wheelchair from the corner of the bedroom, Peter hadn’t even protested. He just slumped down in it, feeling faint. Tony pushed him about ten feet before Peter shifted uncomfortably. “Wait. Wait, I’m gonna be sick,” he warned, sitting up straighter, and Steve was thankfully able to get the plastic bucket in time. Bags forgotten on the floor, Steve kneeled in front of Peter, while Tony tried soothing him with soft words and comforting touches to the back of his neck.

Leaning back, Peter was out of breath. “Done,” he sighed. “Sorry.”

“I’m about to ban that word, Pete,” Tony smirked, a hand on Peter’s cheek, and was delighted to be rewarded with a laugh. He dried away the tears on Peter’s face, and kissed his forehead.

“That was quick,” Tony commented when Steve was back by his side. He’d gone to rinse the bucket and put it back.

“Met one of the really nice nurses, uh… what’s his name? Tall, with that tattoo.”

“Oh! Uhm, Leonard?”

“That’s it! Yeah, he insisted on taking care of it so I could get back to you guys.”

“Well, that’s very nice of him,” Tony smiled as Steve picked their bags up from the floor. “You know, I could take one of them,” he offered, pushing Peter along, who was half asleep.

“Nonsense. What’s the point of having super strength if I can’t carry all the bags?”

“You’re right. That’s the sole purpose of the serum, obviously.”

“Yeah, you dum-dum.”

“My favorite insult,” Tony snickered. “So clever, babe.”

“You’re the brains. I’m just here for brawn.” Steve was barely containing his laughter, and Tony shook his head as he chuckled.

“So you’re saying you’re the dum-dum?”

“I’ll take it; that’s my own fault for making it too easy.”

“You’re both dum-dums,” Peter mumbled, eliciting surprised laughter from his dads, and earning himself a playful flick to the ear from Tony.

“I suppose we are,” Steve sighed, big smile on his face.

────────

With Tony and Steve having just left for the press conference, Peter was sitting on the couch next to Rhodey, leaning his head on his shoulder. One look at the tired the boy had Rhodey lifting his arm to let Peter rest against his side instead. It was a familiar feeling. Peter had always been a cuddle-bug with the people closest to him, and Rhodey had always been one of those people.

Natasha sat down on the other side of Peter, a bowl full of pieces of fruit in her hand for Peter. He hadn’t had much to eat that day, so Steve and Tony had encouraged them to feed him while they were gone. They even left a list of foods Peter liked, which now consisted of soggy cornflakes, smoothies, milkshakes, pancakes, fruit without too much taste, scrambled eggs, and chicken.

“If you need anything, or if you don’t feel good, you let us know, okay?” Rhodey said, lightly squeezing Peter’s upper arm.

“I’m good for now. But, uh… I should probably have a bucket here in case I need to throw up,” Peter told him, a little embarrassed at the last part, but no one else minded. “There’s one in my room.”

“I’ll go get it,” Bucky offered, getting up from next to Natasha, discreetly caressing her hair as he walked past her. The corners of her mouth lifted at the gesture, and she let her eyes follow him until he was out of the room.

Sam emerged from the kitchen with two smoothies; one for Peter and one for himself. “Here you go, kiddo,” he said, holding one out for Peter, but Rhodey reached out and got it instead. “You better not steal it from him,” Sam teased, and Rhodey put his hands up in a show of innocence when he’d passed it to Peter. He sat down in a lounge chair close to the couch.

When Bucky got back, he put the bucket next to couch, within reach from his place next to Natasha. She mumbled something in Russian that made him smile, and his response had her rolling her eyes fondly.

────────

“And you’re sure you’ve got this?” Pepper asked Tony for the third time.

“Yes, Pep, I’m sure. Don’t worry. Really.”

“Can’t help it. You’ve got quite the history with press conferences,” Pepper smirked, and got a small chuckle from Steve who was adjusting his tie.

“True, but this is about Peter.”

“I know. You two are gonna do great,” she smiled. “I’ll go and introduce you.”

Just as Pepper had said, it was a pretty exclusive press conference, with no more than twenty reporters in the room. Some were with newspapers, while others were with TV channels, so there were a few cameras there ready to capture the event. It was being held in a room in the compound that’d been used for press conferences on several occasions; perfect for it with a stage for everyone to be able to see them.

“Do I look okay?” Steve asked, wanting his husband’s approval before they went on national television.

“Perfect,” he smiled, running one hand down Steve’s chest to straighten his tie. And also just because he could. “Do I?”

“‘Course you do.”

A short kiss was shared before they turned their attention to Pepper, who soon waved them out on stage. “Good luck,” she whispered when she passed them.

They’d planned for Tony to open, so he stood in front of the microphone, leaning his forearms on the podium.

“Thank you, Pepper. Well, as you all know, we’ve been out of the public for a few weeks now. And, no, we haven’t been on holiday. Nor have we been abducted by aliens, or assassinated by the Illuminati,” he joked to set the mood to a light one. “And we’re not retiring either.” When he said that, his breath caught in his throat just a little. He hadn’t given it any thought. The world just might’ve seen the last of Iron Man and Captain America. For them to come back after all this, there’d have to be a miracle.

“But, as of right now, because of a personal emergency, it’s not possible for us to take part in usual Avengers business, or leave the Compound.” Tony took a step to the side to let Steve take over.

“While we’re dealing with this, we can assure you that the safety of the public is in good hands. As you all saw last week, they can manage better than fine without us.” He looked to Tony, wondering if he should say anything more, but he just shrugged. Steve nodded towards the reporters, a silent question of whether they should just open for questions now. Tony approved with his own nod, so Steve addressed them again.

“Any questions?”

A bunch of hands shot up, and Tony picked one out randomly. “You, with the blue and white tie. On the left.”

The man stood up. “Can you tell us who this emergency is about?” he asked.

“Not at the moment, no, just that it’s someone close to us” Steve answered. Short and to the point.

The next reporter was chosen. “How much longer will you be confined to the Compound?”

“We’re not sure. It’ll probably be a good while.”

Another reporter. "Is there a reason you've specifically chosen the Compound?"

"This place has its perks. We also thought it was best to get out of the city."

They kept asking questions, politely attempting to get more information out of them, but with Steve in charge of answering their questions, they got nothing else than the exact amount of information they’d agreed on sharing for now.

In a very out-of-character way - at least to the press - Tony stood to the side in courteous silence. However, one particular question had him taking over the microphone without hesitation.

“There have been rumors that you’ve put your son into the foster care system, is this true?”

“Absolutely not,” he denied firmly, but didn’t want to let him keep the attention, so he looked through the room to pick out the next one, but the same reporter kept talking.

“Wouldn’t that be for the best, though? I mean, with your lifestyles…” he trailed off, gesturing to them, and the room started murmuring.

From the tone of the question, Tony and Steve both had a feeling that he wasn’t talking about them risking their lives on the job, and the smaller man swallowed thickly before speaking into the microphone again. “Because we‘re Avengers?” he still asked, with a disapproving frown and tight jaw, hands clenching down on the podium until his knuckles turned white.

“No, no, it’s just,” he chuckled, but no one else at all were amused, “don’t you think he should get to grow up in a proper family?”

With ice cold eyes, Tony stared at him, doing his best to stay calm. “We are a proper family. I’m not gonna waste my time trying to get through your thick homophobic skull, so just get out.”

“What? Oh, come on-”

“I’m not joking. Leave of your own volition or I’ll have someone remove you.”

He muttered something to himself, a certain slur starting with an ‘f’, as he turned to pack his stuff up, but didn’t take Steve’s enhanced senses into account which were laser-focused on him. The soldier’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief of what he’d just heard that man refer to his husband as.

“Hey!” he called out, away from the microphone, but voice loud enough to carry across the room, catching his attention again. “Don’t you dare call my husband that. Don’t call anyone that,” he warned. "I don't think you understand how offensive that word is." He had a protective hand on Tony’s back who looked slightly confused. Steve cleared his throat, pulling himself together before calmly speaking to the crowd through the microphone. “I think we’ve answered enough questions for today. Thank you all for coming and being so polite. I apologize. Please respect our privacy and don’t speculate any further about our public absence.” He led Tony off the stage to where Pepper was anxiously waiting for them.

“Did he call him… you know-” she began, but refused to say the actual word.

“Yeah,” Steve confirmed, disgust clear in his voice.

“I’m really sorry. This is my fault, I let them send him instead of the person I requested, I’m so sorry-” she rambled, distraught at what had just happened.

“You couldn’t have known,” Tony cut her off, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “The only one here who’s done anything wrong is that nimrod. Not you.”

She sighed, sending them a smile that didn’t really reach her eyes before excusing herself when someone called her over.

Tony held Steve’s hand and looked up at him. “You didn’t have to do that, babe. I didn't even hear it. And I’ve been called worse,” he mumbled, just loud enough for Steve to hear. The look he had in his eyes was one reserved for his husband and no one else.

The words Tony thought would make the situation better only made Steve’s face crumple in disapproval. Not of Tony, but of anyone who’d ever made him feel like that. “That doesn’t make it better. It just makes me feel sure that calling him out was the right thing to do.” He made circles on the back of Tony’s hand with his thumb, lost in his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time. “I’ll always stand up for you.”

“I love you,” Tony whispered, squeezing his hand.

“I love you too.” Steve kissed his forehead.

With them in the room were a few people working, hurrying around, directed by Pepper; none of them really having time to notice the pair’s intimate moment at the edge of the room.

“Let’s get back to Peter,” Steve smiled, pulling Tony by his hand with him to the elevator.

Once the doors closed and they were by themselves, Tony placed his hands on Steve’s chest, and lifted himself up on his toes to whisper into his ear. “That was really hot.” A kiss to his neck and he got back down to his regular height, smirking up at Steve who was sporting an open-mouthed, lopsided smile along with wide, delighted eyes.

He collected himself, walking forward until Tony was trapped between him and the elevator wall. “Yeah?” he asked, voice low and gravelly, pressed up against him; now he was the smug one. Tony might pretend to be offended whenever Steve pointed out how much smaller he was than him, but Steve was very well aware of the fact that Tony actually enjoyed the size difference. A lot.

“Mhm. Now kiss me, we’re only going a few floors up,” a flustered Tony spluttered out, pulling him down before he could say anything more. They fit together as perfectly as ever, and the kissing grew heated within seconds. Hands exploring known territory, soft sounds of approval being swallowed by each other, and then they were startled apart by the ding announcing that they’d reached their floor.

Composing themselves, they felt like teenagers as they walked out of the elevator, heading for their apartment where they knew Peter was waiting along with everyone else. Except Pepper who was still working on getting everything back to normal at the compound after the press conference, and Happy who was doing his job as head of security. Just outside the front door, Steve pulled him in for another kiss, cradling his neck, one arm around his waist. Tony melted into him, and stayed glued to his side even after they pulled away.

Upon opening the door, they could hear everyone talking, and when Peter laughed, it was like nothing else mattered. They just wanted to see him happy.

And he was. His back leaning against Rhodey’s side, the man’s arm resting across his chest, and feet on Natasha’s lap, he was tiredly grinning. Everyone was happy.

Peter noticed that they’d gotten back and his smile got impossibly more radiant.

“Hey, Petey-pie,” Tony laughed softly as he walked over to Peter to place a kiss on the top of his head - well, the beanie.

“Hi, Dad. You guys were great.” He paused as if he suddenly remembered something. “But that guy was such a dick-”

“Oi!”

“-like what does he think this is? The nineteenth century? I’m so tired of people like him spewing bullshit like that. Like what- what does he even get out of it? It's not like-”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, Pete,” Steve cut him off, kneeling in front of him, before he could work himself up about it. He always did when someone insulted his dads purely based on the fact that they happened to be not straight. “There’s always gonna be people like him. And that’s okay, because we know that he’s wrong. The only reason I got so mad was because of what he called Dad. You're smart, so I assume you’ve figured out what it was?”

“Yeah,” the boy whispered.

“You gotta pick your battles. And, for me, this was one of the ones worth picking. That word just… It stings a lot more than other words. Okay?”

Peter nodded, feeling a little bummed out thanks to that reporter, but Rhodey was there and he was ready to make it better.

“One thing’s for certain, Pete; you sure do have two badass dads,” Rhodey smiled. He looked up at Tony from where he was still confined to the couch by Peter resting against him. They shared a look, one with decades of friendship contained in it. Just a slight lift of one eyebrow, and Tony knew Rhodey was asking him if he was okay. He answered with a crooked smirk.

Peter ended up being carried to bed by Tony after he’d fallen asleep on Rhodey. Making sure he was comfortable, Tony then pulled his beanie off, having gathered that he liked sleeping without it. Steve looked on from where he was sitting on the end of the bed, hand protectively resting over Peter’s legs.

“We need sleep too, you know,” Steve whispered when it looked like Tony was about to grab Peter’s desk chair to settle down in it for the night. Tony paused.

“Yeah,” he admitted, slouching a little, not caring about keeping up appearances for his husband.

He followed Steve voluntarily to their bedroom, intertwining their hands on the way.

Once tucked into bed, Steve stayed awake, humming songs and stroking Tony’s back to help him fall asleep. It took a while, but Steve didn’t mind. He was just happy when his husband started snoring.

Small victories.

17 notes · View notes

ariwilder · 6 years ago

Text

It’s not over until the Fat Lady sings | Part V

Pairing: Penny Haywood x Jacob’s Sibling

Summary: It’s over. It’s your final day at Hogwarts. It’s time to say farewell to your friends and soon enough the start of new adventures.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V

Several days go by without any of you bringing that up. By the end of the week, you are prepared to give up on talking about it entirely. As last resort, you try to throw an offhand remark on one occasion, much to your amazement and embarrassment. Only to be met with a "What about that day?’, ‘The sunset was nice, wasn’t it?’, and ‘It was such a boomer we got wet!’. It is almost as if that instant at the beach hadn’t happened at all to Penny Haywood. If you didn’t know her any better, you would’ve testified on veritaserum that Penny Haywood had drank a forgetfulness potion.

You find yourselves easily falling back into routine as days go by day. You think It is for the best, you know, even despite the initial anxiety. Better to get it over with. You had never been good at the whole dating thing, anyway. Not that holding hands meant both of you would abruptly start dating. You had dated a friend before, if briefly, only for it to end in complete chaos. A neglectful partner too fixated on finding the vaults to commit to a romantic relationship.

You decided you were better off as friends, and that was that. Thankfully, you broke it off in good terms. It was hard not to.

To this date, you aren’t quite sure whether your friendship ever recovered from that hit. Hence, after such short-lived fling, forming a romantic bond with anyone simply evaporated from your desires. Until now. You had always liked Penny. Since day one. Who didn’t like Penny? How could you not? Liking Penny had always been so easy. Sunny, brilliant, kind, Penny. Unreachable, distant, mysterious, Penny. This fondness of yours is tiptoeing around your heart and it scares the hell out of you. Holding hands might not have meant anything to her, for all you knew. Penny is a natural flirt, that much is common knowledge. She might’ve felt lonely and homesick that day, and you —the only source of comfort in the middle of nowhere— happened to be at the right place and the right time.

You just held hands, right?. It didn’t have to be a big deal. Even if it was to you. Dating while being apprentices? A recipe for disaster, surely. Your friendship with Penny really is too precious to you to risk it like that.

You remind yourself of this as often as you need to. As you hear the soft hum of her breathing beside your bed lulling you to sleep. Until the memory of your intertwined hands falls on the back of your head for you to recall only every now and then.

You find yourself deeply immersed on a book about defensive spells when Rakepick enters the living room with Penny tailing behind her hot on her heels.

“Pack what you find most necessary for we are leaving at 10 p.m. sharp. I expect no delays; we’ll be leaving by Portkey. Questions?”

To this day, Patricia Rakepick’s ability to deliver orders still blows you away. Her level of confidence and presence left no room for doubt or disagreements. Not that you would ever confess that to her. You sense Penny following your nod at your side before watching Rakepick disappear behind the doorframe.

“That was unexpected,” Penny comments beside you.

‘You holding my hand out of nowhere, and never commenting about it was unexpected’ is what you want to answer but you think better of it. Not wondering about it, is, to you, still a work in progress.

“Yeah.” You sigh and close your book with a thud. You don’t want to be distant or cold with Penny but it has become increasingly difficult for you to look her in the eye.

“Do you already know what you’ll bring on the trip?” You hear Penny trying to chitchat you before you decide to bolt towards the door to your room.

“I’ll be on it!”

You are not quite sure she hears when you close the door behind you. You feel so frustrated you kick your trunk with the sole of your dirty boot. This is so stupid. Being alone with Penny made your heart fret. Your mother used to stir you a calming potion whenever something was particularly wreckful on your nerves, but asking for a calming potion meant asking Penny for a favor and it made you incredibly nervous, almost as if, tiny mad pixies lived inside your stomach whenever Penny was around. Everything reminded you of her, the blue in the sky, the ray of sunshine that escaped through your window every morning, the sensation that overcame you whenever you drank your morning earl grey tea.

You hide your face into your pillow and sigh. It will be over eventually, hopefully, sooner than later. You are glad curse breaking always managed to prove a useful distraction.

You don’t see Penny much for the rest of the day. You busy yourselves over with different activities. What could be considered important to you had a completely different meaning to Penny Haywood it seems.

You decided to take your trunk with you. Despite Rakepick making the mention of only taking only what could be considered indispensable, you weren’t about to leave many of your belongings inside a house you were not sure you were going to return to. You had read Rakepick’s books, and her adventures and experiences remained far from safe. For Rakepick to abandon her jurisdiction under Gringotts after leaving Hogwarts for a solo expedition, it could only mean serious business. That and the fact that you still didn’t know where you were going is worrisome. It could be right in the middle of nowhere. Everything seemed highly suspicious to you and for that, this whole trip gives you an ominous feeling. If I all came crashing down, where would you go? What about Penny?

You don’t get to grill on this question when the door to of your shared room opens. A disheveled looking Penny tumbles on her bead with a sound thud. She is already wearing a long crimson robe over dark breeches and high boots.

“You look tired.”

She doesn’t even look at you as you watch her melt into her mattress.

“I’ve been sorting a portable potion rack and workshop. I’ve been brewing non-stop for weeks,” Her eyes are closed but you can still recognize the phantom of dark rings under her eyes.

You been doing nothing but read and practice spells all day long for weeks, and moderate physical training. The occasional sparring with Rakepick is proving to be the most physically and mentally exhaustive exercise in your schedule. However, preparing difficult potions could be taxing. You remember from your N.E.W.T.s experience, and feel guilty for not being particularly supportive to your friend. Penny, of course, never complained. You can’t help but think Rakepick had hit the jackpot managing to recruit her. Penny’s experience was closer to labor abuse than apprenticeship, if anyone asked you.

“Why are you here for really, Penny?”

The question had plagued you ever since Rakepick pointed it out to you. Unlike you, she wasn’t receiving any guidance, and had just been ordered to brew potions nonstop for a yet undisclosed adventure. What could be in for her? She had already refused Rakepick’s offer as curse breaker once, back in your 4th year at Hogwarts. What could be different now?

“I still have to pack my trunk, why?"

“You know that’s not what I meant Penny,” You are sitting over your bed, legs crossed. Penny’s eyes open slowly, and she quickly gives you a sideway glance.

You lock eyes, your heart propels into a gallop. You feel like running suddenly, a part of you feels you don’t really wants to hear her answer, but it was almost as if your body had been hit by the full body bind curse.

Time moves agonizingly slow as you see her mouth move and wet her lips.

“Why are you asking this all of a sudden?” Her voice is low and serious and so very unlike herself. It almost sounds scared to you.

It almost scares you too.

The sound of heavy boots going down the stairs loudly interrupts you from even thinking of an answer. You hear Rakepick’s loud voice thunder through the walls.

“Change of plans, we are leaving now! To the yard, now!”

You and Penny exchange knowing glances instantly. Your conversation will be moved to the back seat for now. Whatever reason Rakepick had to evacuate her home before schedule had danger written all over. The kick of adrenaline pumps to your veins.

“I’ll help you pack the rest,” You tell Penny before accio-ing your own dark travelling cloak.

Penny shakes her head and throws a small leather clad messenger bag into your hands.

“Put whatever you need inside. I used an enlargement charm on it. I’ve already packed all that I needed there. I’ll meet you outside. I still need to pick up something up.”

She runs towards door, leaving you dumbfounded.

An enlargement charm on a bag? Brilliant.

“Where’s Haywood?” Rakepick’s voice is brisk. She doesn’t even look at you as you arrive. Her eyesight set on the looming forest.

“What’s going on?”

You squint your eyes in the direction of the forest and despite your best efforts, you see nothing out of the ordinary. The sun is starting to set in the distance but there is still enough sunlight to be able to spot anything unusual. Rakepick’s uneasiness worries you.

“We need to go now.” She looks over her shoulder, over yours and it does nothing to calm your nerves.

“Why? What’s going on? We deserve to know!” You speak louder than intended and more certain than you feel. Rakepick’s unusually apprehensive eyes lock with yours.

She grabs unto your arm, hard, “Listen kid, remember when I told you curse breaking is no dandy walk in the park and you might get people after you, eventually? Well, something terrible might happen to us if we don’t leave now. I might protect myself but I’m not sure I’ll be able to protect you.”

“I’m ready,”

Penny’s words break through the dense silence that had suddenly risen between you two. You are not sure whether she listened to Rakepick’s words but she lets go of your arm instantly. You don’t give her the pleasure of seeing you flinch. The probability of not living beyond this day suddenly downs on you. Your face is stoic, you don’t want Penny to worry more than necessary.

You see her take out a pocket watch from her pants and open it. In the silence of the yard, its ticking noise rose to prominence.

“We are using the bucket over there,” She points to an old tattered steel bucket a couple of feet from you. It suddenly displays an intense blue hue. You had failed to spot it ever since your arrival; only taking note of it now.

“Go.”

You touch the old tattered bucket and feel the now familiar twig under your navel before feeling the air being knocked out of your lungs. Your body sails with force downward. You fall into tall green grass and weeds. This time around with much more grace than your previous experience. You feel Penny’s small hand cradle into your arm for support. You don’t brush her away as you see her steading herself. You try your best not to give it much importance.

Someone is waiting for you. It is a middle-aged woman. She looks younger than Rakepick but far older than either you or Penny. She is also the shortest of the four of you. Her skin, light brown, with big almond-shaped tawny eyes. She had a bright yellow headband over her head that did a very bad job at managing her wild bushy dark hair. Her cloak, unlike yours, is sleeveless and brightly colored green. Her most distinctive feature is a tribal tattoo that went from her right shoulder right over to her upper arm.

“Paty! Como você anda querida? ” Much to your surprise, she envelopes Patricia Rakepick in a particularly long hug.

You and Penny exchange surprised glances. ‘Paty?’ you mouth the nickname in silent disbelief.

“Not as well as you, it seems,” It is weird to you to listen to Rakepick sound gleeful, but she smiles genuinely at the unknown woman. You cannot remember if you have ever seen her wear a smile that did not carry a smirk before.

“Como sempre, Paty, como sempre,” she gives the older woman a loud peck on the cheek before turning to you. Her big feline eyes inspect you up and down.

“Who are you?” she asks you in English. Her words carry an accent you don’t recognize. The strong intonation of the /r/ giving her easily away.

You don’t wait for Rakepick to introduce you and tell her your name. You are not sure if telling complete strangers your real name is a good idea but you do it anyway. Much like everything you usually do. You elbow Penny beside you to follow suit.

“I’m Penny Haywood, nice to meet you,” The overly polite Penny nods downwards as sign of acknowledgement.

To this moment, Rakepick still hasn’t disclosed to you of your location.The trees are tall and green. The ground packed with tall green grass that reached well over your ankles. Ivy, vines and weed mounting over every single tree. The heat is mild, and humid, very unsettling to your soon sweat coated cloak.

“So, this are your protegés.” To you the dark skinned woman looks unimpressed. You can understand her; two youths just out of Hogwarts could hardly look particularly skilled.

“One of the best talents of their generation, they wouldn’t be here otherwise.” This is the first time you hear Patricia Rakepick compliment you. Your chest swells with pride. Your mentor-apprentice relationship is complicated, but hearing her confess she thinks so highly of you gave you a sense of accomplishment.

“We see about that,” Her accent is thick, and latin.

“Excuse me, where are we, exactly?” You wanted to add ‘and what are we supposed to be doing here’ but her incredulous stare cut your question mid-sentence. You grab into the hem of Penny’s robe instinctively. Her eyes were big and piercing, as if she could go through you. Like a big cat rounding a prey waiting the exact moment to attack.

“Paty, you do not tell?” She puts her hands over her hips. It made your crack smile. Someone lashing out at Rakepick, not everyone got to see that.

“We left early ‘cause one of their messages got intercepted. Of course, I did not tell them.” you exchange glances with Penny. Did she message Charlie or her family? Was that the reason why Rowan never answered your owl? You feel foolish all of a sudden. You could recognize Penny’s own regret across her face as well.

“That happen when you involve crianças!” She points a long manicured long finger at you, wild hair bopping over her head. You don’t understand what she means and you wonder whether you should feel insulted or not.

She closes her eyes as if to regain her composure before turning to you, “We are in the Amazônia, and follow you shall.” Her cloak twirls dramatically after her once she gives her back to you.

Your adventure had taken an unexpected turn. If you are not mistaken, you are now on the other part of the Atlantic. You give Penny a sideway glance to see her as awestruck as you felt.

“Ah, I almost forget. My name is Maria Aparecida Oliveira, you can call me Maria,” Her hair bops as she walks.

“Professor Oliveira,” Interjects Rakepick.

You do not listen into the following quarrel as you are too taken aback to process what you are witnessing. You are in the middle of some jungle, right in the heart of some mystery, and you could not wait to figure it out.

AN: I know. A long hiatus. I know the chapter is short. I know, it is a transition chapter. It just took everything in me to have the courage to have the fic head this way. But this fic is out of my control now. As in, it writes itself and it wants to follow road. I hope everyone enjoy. Special thanks to my lovely beta, @lucknight, who helped me a lot, particularly on things with Brazil. A lovely person, really.

You can always find it on Ao3. Look for the link on my fanfic masterpost on my tumblr. Thank you for reading, and I hope to hear from you!

xOxO, lycopene

#penny haywood #penny haywood x mc #hogwarts mystery #hphm #jacob's sibling #jacob's sibling x penny haywood

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