#and wanted to wait until afterwards
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many years ago someone complimented me on how sincerely i wished my ex well after a break up and i did mean it at the time but im truly not that bitch anymore i hope his nose is stuffy the rest of his life tbqph
#op#this is a diary post ill be real#theres a little heart shaped lock on it and everything#when i hear songs about fatherhood i no longer grieve the relationship i never got to have with my father#i only grow deeply enraged with my ex that he forced that same pain on my child when he literally could have bounced AT ANY TIME#but no he waited until immediately afterwards LMFAO#king of shit timing#call me a bitter baby momma all you want#i am#and ill stay bitter until my child is old enough to work through it themself in therapy#which he will be paying for#men will see women with trauma and promise before god that he will break the cycle then be like ''ctrl+c ctrl+v''#EDIT I do want to be clear tho he’s no deadbeat whatsoever#he pays and he’s present (12/30 days but it’s not zero at least)#he’s just also… free. he doesn’t have to deal with being a parent#he gets the sometimes and I have the always#and it burns when he promised me we would both have the always#that we would be a team#we’re not a team#I’m sponsored#and it kills me#and if there were a deity who listened I would pray to them that it does not kill my baby#not the way it killed me a thousand different ways when I realized my father was never interested in being one#not when it was hard#not when it was inconvenient#not when it was always
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I thought today was a good one..
#just some vent art idk#vent#vent art#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#the initial start was unclear#i got ready for my class like usual and my dad's mood was entirely unreadable#usually in these situations i have an internal debate thats goes something like#“is he in a good mood? is he in a bad one? is his eye irritated again? maybe he's still waking up?”#its a 50/50 kinda deal#sometimes he's emotionless until right when im dropped off and he says “have a good day! love you!” in his nice way#today there was nothing#i just got out of the truck and just as i was closing the door i barely heard a “love you” in a monotone voice#i thought nothing of it bc i did some work before class and my mood lightened#afterwards i went to the lounge and they were doing another event thing that offered free food if you did it#the food was greek food so i figured it wouldnt hurt. i got the food#it was awesome ngl and it really made my day better#then dad picked me up....#he was still unreadable but i could tell his patience was low just by the way he was driving#its crazy and kinda sad that i can immediately tell what mood he's in even through the most mundane change#but about 5 minutes into the ride my mind was a racing mess. i kept asking questions#trying to gauge what mood he's in. he wasn't projecting or groaning like he usually does so o figured maybe he's just wanting to get home#to my surprise we didn't immediately gi home: we went to his old work (family owned business)#when we got there I can't describe the relief i felt to be with other people. especially my grandmother#i did some refund stuff while we were there. dad also seemed to lighten up and things seemed fine#but when we got back in the truck it was back to being tense. we still didn't go home- we went to the bank so he could cash a check#but otw there he mentioned his birthday is this Saturday. i said i knew and that I'd be happy to spend the day with him if he had something#planned. bc id loke to spend time with him on his bday instead of my Granny's Halloween party (which i still enjoy but yknow.. dad)#there's an awkward silence and then he just goes “i guess based off your silence you're not interested in what i have planned for my birth-#day?“ perplexed i said ”i am- im just waiting for you to tell me“
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what do you MEAN you have a buddie tumblr. what. what. beloved zukka blog also watches 911???? im getting too much shock in a very short amount time and i need to lie down forever
oh yeah my friend, i started watching back in 2021 after binge-watching up to season 4. i saw gifs of the shooting and the FRAMING CHOICES and the WILL REVEAL (?!?!??!) and was like, welp, guess i finally have to watch it. then i started watching live for seasons 5 and 6! and now i’m reaping the rewards in season 7 😁😁😁 come chat with me @bvckandeddie!!!!!!! (i’m so srs just dm me lmao i could scream about them forever)
(i also have buddie fic under an ao3 pseudonym if that’s something you’re into 👀)
#megan is so grateful i bullied her into watching this show#we were watching together and then facetimed for 20 minutes afterwards just screaming at each other#just wait until i bully all my zukka followers into being buddies let’s fucking gooooooo#if you wanted to get into it NOW IS THE TIME BESTIES#anonymous#answered
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(i haven't read Whole Cake in a while, and i never really watched it, so bear with me)
I'd love to write a fic with Usopp on Whole Cake. it'd be sooo fucking long and i'd need to refresh myself on the entire arc, but god i'd probably be so satisfied when it's done. specifically for having brought a single moment in my head to life, but we'll get to that.
On Zou, he insists to be taken along on the Sanji rescue team and has worked himself up with a whole bunch of very good reasons as to why he should go there instead of helping in Wano, but of course Luffy just immediately accepts with a "yeah sure"
With Whole Cake, I think he'd be flipping between having fun as part of the idiot trio/quartet (Luffy, Chopper, Carrot), and being terrified with Nami. There wouldn't be that many differences in the arc as a whole, though; some things would be easier/better and some things would be worse- I don't necessarily think Usopp's presence would be overall an advantage or disadvantage, just different. Like, major events would stay mostly the same, but little details would change and maybe those little details would build to a far more drastic change-
for example, maybe one of Big Mom's kids considers themself a great sniper and wants a match with Usopp, or is motivated to work harder because Usopp is around and they want to take him out and boast about it. Maybe it means Sunny takes more damage than canon, or maybe Usopp's help means less damage to Sunny. (idk if i'd really do smth like this, but it's just an example)
skjdhf fuck i'm really not equipped to try and figure this out when i don't remember shit from Whole Cake aaaa
I do know that, despite his penchant for talking and rambling, I'd probably have Usopp be dead silent after his initial shock when Sanji fights Luffy. Everything about that is the same, except Usopp is just watching Sanji the whole time- not panicking, not moving, and not speaking. He doesn't say a word the entire time, doesn't even make a sound, and that, along with Luffy's words and Nami's begging, stick with Sanji.
(Usopp is thinking of his own fight with Luffy in Water 7, he's partially wondering if this was what it was like- if it was this painful to watch from the sidelines- and partially knowing he doesn't have to say a word, because he knew, like he knew back then, that it didn't matter what was said. It wasn't quite the same, but he could tell in the way Sanji moved, in the way he spoke and held himself, that he was putting on a front, trying to be brave in all the wrong ways. Usopp didn't say a word to Sanji because there was nothing he could say that Sanji himself didn't already know. Should've known. And his quiet, direct stare, was more than enough.)
the singular moment i really wanna write, is a scene where Sanji is apologizing for dragging them into his mess- either during the big meeting in Bege's castle or some other time- and Usopp's like "I'll do what you can't, you do what I can't, right?" and Sanji pauses, a little confused, until he remembers Enies Lobby and a stupid mask and cape and-
and tears are gathering in his eyes now, fuck, but he laughs a little. It sounds wet and his face is itchy and they're surrounded by tentative allies, but he- he laughs again and he says, "Fuck, you remembered that?"
Usopp shrugs, a little smile on his face. "They were some wise words from a wise man."
Sanji laughs a third time. "You think I'm wise?"
And they banter a little more before Bege tells them to quit it since they're on a time constraint or something. Quietly, Usopp will ask, "It-it helps. On bad days. And I figured, 'what's a worse day than this?' Ah, not that you getting married would ever be bad per se-"
"Usopp," Sanji says, looking more relaxed and settled. He smiles fondly and grabs his friend in a one armed hug, crushing him to his side. "Thanks."
And yeah, don't remember much beyond that, except the whole "hiding and then busting out of the cake" bit, which would mean Usopp in a cute little tuxedo or smth- maybe with a fedora aaaaaa <- loves fedoras- helping out with the fighting and eventually sailing with everyone to Wano.
He would be so distressed about fixing up Sunny now that the whole thing with Whole Cake is over. Maybe there'd be a gag about him promising Franky to take good care of Sunny while they were gone and being confident, after being Franky's tinkering partner and learning from him over time, that he could handle minor repair work much better than he did the first time around with Merry. And so when he finally takes in all the very-not-minor repairs he has to do, he's certain Franky is gonna strangle him for not keeping his promise. Probably also try to write in some nostalgic 'repairman Usopp' vibes from pre-Water 7.
Also something something, Sanji, wanting to do more for the crew bc he still feels guilty about Whole Cake, decides to take it upon himself to help Usopp not fall into a whole anxiety spiral about the ship. In turn, Usopp ends up helping Sanji not feel so guilty- usually by handing his own words back to him on a silver platter. And, yknow, having the two of them bonding and being buddies again like they so rarely get to be in canon nowadays qwq
#one piece#usopp#whole cake island#nemotime#that bit in bege's castle isn't exactly how it would go. just kinda. trying to get the vibe. also it's wayyy too short lol#the sanuso bit can be platonic or romantic. originally when i was gonna write out this idea a while ago i was thinking romantic with my#'they get engaged/married b4 dressrosa' au but tbh platonic works just as good#im- these guys man. i hate them so much (affectionate)#i'll get to rereading whole cake and finding a way to put him in there but for now. this.#if anyone's got other ideas im all ears#edit from like march 7: thinking about this again#maybe usopp being silent is an indicator for sanji that usopp's really fucking disappointed or shocked or w/e#but for usopp himself it's like being back in water 7. he doesn't even mean to be silent. he's got words built up on the tip of his tongue#but none of them come out. and despite sanji being Right There all he wants to do in that moment. is run.#at the very least he stays and watches the whole confrontation through. but afterwards he probably feels like shit#because he's the guy who's great with words right? he's the guy that can relate the most out of the group who went to WCI. he should be abl#to make a significant difference and help convince sanji to come home. but he feels like he failed. like he's going to lose another friend#and it's going to be all his fault. (again)#[not really. we all know merry wasn't his fault but we love old insecurities rearing their head in this house]#later he'd probably end up saying the words he wanted to say. and maybe it's better that way. that he ended up waiting#until luffy's had a proper shot at scolding sanji first. because then usopp can act as support and reinforcement. which. yknow.#a sniper's duty and all#anyway i got other shit to do so i'm cutting myself off here#wci usopp
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1 week until im FINALLY getting tested for adhd..... time is moving agonizingly slow ;_;
#even then ill still need to wait afterward for the results. UGHHH#and then wait until (hopefully) im prescribed something#and then wait until that starts kicking in (then potentially wait more to try different medicines if that one doesnt work)#hhhhnnnnnnnnn#i just want to be able to function already#i just wanna be able to just get up and Do Things. thats all i want
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found a friendship bracelet from my trip that i left in my backpack and now im thinking of the two little boys on the airport who got so excited when I told them I had messi-themed friendship bracelets, I hope they still have them <3
#there was this mom with her 3 kids (a girl and 2 boys all very little like at most the girl who was the oldest must've been like 8)#and she saw us and started talking to us and telling her girl hey look these girls came here to see taylor too just like you etc#and then she told us the girl went to the concert and the two boys went to messi's cirque de soleil thing and I was like 'oh you guys like#messi? wait until I show you my locksreen (photo of messi with the wc) and they got so excited!!!!#so afterwards when we got off the plane and I managed to find them I asked if they wanted messi-themed frienship bracelets#because my friend had given their sister friendships bracelets but the boys didnt want them#but they got so excited that I had friendship bracelets that were messi-themed and they made me so happy bc they loved the bracelets#so yeah i hope they havent lost them and also that they are having a great day#the youngest boy also invited me to play hello kitty with them on the plane but we weren't sitting close to him and he was so sad :(
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well that was something
#angryborzois rambles#holy shit this is a long story#basically as a class we all went to this historic place on the top of a mountain (we had to do a long hike to get up there)#and a friend and i decided to stay afterward to mess around#my friend wanted to reenact kny scenes so i was like ok lets do it (shh we're idiots with zero brain cells)#and the place was pretty cool to hang out in soo why not#but soon it started thundering in the distance so we decided to start heading down the mountain#it was all shits and laughs until we made it down the mountain (tho we heard a weird noise once and got scared bc what if its a boar)#once down the mountain we had to navigate the woods around the area to get to the station#it was a very long route and on top of that it started pouring heavily#and anyway we walked for a long ass time in the rain when we encountered a suspicious person#it didnt help that before we saw this guy we saw a poster for a wanted criminal in the area#the guy was way ahead of us but we sensed bad vibes from him so we tried to let him walk ahead but he just...waited for us??#(he was in the direction we needed to go)#for a couple minutes we tried to trail way behind him but every time we stopped to let him walk on he would suddenly stop and stall#after a while we completely stopped for a few minutes to observe and in response he hid in the bushes?? so we decided something was def up#we were very alarmed and we quietly snuck out of his view and then ran for it#i genuinely worried that maybe we were gonna get killed in these woods#we backtracked a little and took a different path that went in the direction we needed to go#i was a little concerned because at one point the path had an intersection that merged with the first path we were in#but i didnt want to risk cutting through pure woods and i wanted to be at the very least on an animal trail than anything so no choice ig#and so we quietly snuck past the intersection but thankfully no one was around#a few minutes after that we heard a weird radio voice?? so we freaked out and ran the rest (prob unrelated but u can never be too sure)#and after a while of pure stress we made it out of the woods and to civilization#i was drenched but oh boy i was so happy#my friend and i agreed though that it was fucked up that we had to be more scared of a human than the wilderness#but everything after that was fine#im honestly glad it was pouring though because i think it helped cover the sounds of us getting away#well tbh i have a feeling he prob saw us get away but just didnt bother chasing bc the paths were muddy as hell and he was kinda far#but yeah that was def smthing
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skipping class for the first time in my life bc my professor has covid and he sent out an email saying we’re having class and he’s asymptomatic and will wear a mask per cdc guidelines even tho he’s past the 5 day required isolation period. like. great whatevs but have you actually tested negative
update: the answer was no he had not
#stressed as FUCK#it’s fine we have a textbook and he doesn’t take roll#hoping he doesn’t do an extra credit activity but if i miss it for the sake of my health so be it#i have to go home afterwards anyway bc i have an appointment the next day with my thyroid dr#stressed abt that too bc my mum has dropped all precautions as if she isn’t in her 60s and didn’t lose her husband to covid#and idk what my sibling is doing but i know they’ve stopped masking at their practices and i wouldn’t be surprised if they stopped masking#all together. they also only wear cloth masks but at least it was something#idk i just feel like im the only one not ignoring it. like. when my dad got sick i asked him early on if he could smell and he was like#‘I’m just congested’ and my mum was like ‘no he’s just sick it’s not covid’ and then we waited until it was too late#like. i tell my mum that there’s nothing we could have done bc i don’t want her to feel guilty but like#idk. part of me thinks that if people had just listened to me and gotten him tested earlier and not lived in denial that maybe he’d still be#here. and my mum is pretty healthy but again she’s in her 60s. i don’t want to lose another parent to covid. or if she gets it and has it#bad or ends up with long covid then im gonna have to come home to take care of her or. idek. like i don’t live at home anymore so i can’t#pick up the slack if something happens to her. and my sibling definitely can’t#it’s so stressful. did we not watch the same process of my dad rapidly deteriorating. by the time we took him to the hospital he looked like#a corpse. he was completely grey and his eyes were glazed and he couldn’t even sit up or wave goodbye. has she just forgotten that happened#am i the only one who remembers watching my dad deteriorate in front of us#vent tw#covid tw
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Just finished Act 4....Looks like I'm finally getting back into exploring unknown worlds territory so even though I haven't like how this was structured....I will hold back complaints for now and chew up all these delicious new worlds.
#texts from the underbrush#There's a thing I really want to complain about but I'm waiting until I finish the game because MAYBE it'll make sense afterwards#but I don't got much hope honestly....#warhammer 40k#rogue trader
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4x02 KITCHEN SCENE IN THIS WEEKS IN SICKNESS CHAPTER??? HELL YEAHH
#jenna reads in sickness#daphne if you see this i am in awe of your writing it’s so good!#i waited to read this new ch until i knew id have time to write afterward because reading this fic always makes me want to write!!!#fanfic liveblogging
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so we're all in agreement that if jimmy doesn't die first, we'll make art and fics of the bad boys finding out grian's a watcher and jimmy asking if he can remove his death curse and grian managing to do it
#bonus points if this happens while they're discussing what he is and isn't capable of.#extra bonus points if he says it wouldn't be easy because undoing the work of another watcher is easier said than done.#extra extra bonus points if the reason grian's able to break the curse is because he's one of the ones who initially cursed jimmy.#even more bonus points if upon admitting this he agrees to break the curse to make it up to him.#even MORE bonus points if he lets jimmy know that this might be risky#since he's messing with things tied to his fate and to his life itself and if it backfires he might accidentally kill him. or worse.#jimmy understands the risks and wants to do it anyways.#joel is instructed to not intervene no matter what so he stands there and tries to stay silent and calm#while grian is unblinking and chanting in incomprehensible tongues with way more eyes than anyone's supposed to have#when the curse breaks the canary wings on the sides of jimmy's head fall apart and vanish and he has normal ears now.#some time afterwards he comments that he hadn't even realized the feathers messed with his hearing until they were gone#which i suppose makes sense since he doesn't remember a time before his death curse.#...wait. what if this DID backfire.#causing grian to accidentally permakill jimmy. thereby fulfilling both their curses at once in an attempt at breaking one of them.#ok i can't tell which version of this i like more
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love when you've done diy and the space smells like cut wood and something overheated from drilling through walls. that's what it's all about baybee 👌
#in another life i'm like a handyman btw.#for now i'll settle for hanging some shelves and experiencing the Consequences for so many days afterwards :P#the 'overheated smell' is not a concern in this particular situation btw :P drill bits just get hot when using a hammer drill to put in#wall plugs for screws it's all good. no danger here and no injuries 💪#(i'm not even lying but it sounds like a lie :P i just didn't want to concern anyone who hasn't hung shelves and get comments like uhhh...)#the world (hammer drills) aren't scary plus i'm strong as hell :P#also sadly (but also luckily bc i kinda hate doing it) i didn't get to cut any wood. it's just the smell from screwing wooden brackets and#shelves together :P#also *me looking at the chores i was meant to be doing today and will now probably have to wait until this time next week when#i'm recovered* 😅
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.
#at least once a week my housemate who has seemed fine up until that point#has a phonecall with somebody with whom she ends up rage crying#and then has a complete breakdown both on the phone and afterwards#i do not know who she talks to#but if this happens every time. why does she still talk to them. it doesn't seem to make her happy#bc it is Crying At Someone it is not something i feel i can ask about though#because. it is about them as much as about her#and idek who they are#but our house has such thin walls i cannot avoid the bad emotions#'you want me to make even more sacrifices but you don't even know what they are' i heard today#who is this. what are they asking for. why do they ask it every week#anyway i am quite traumabrain this evening so Additional Emotions is. brain sandpaper#so i am hiding in my room waiting for it to be over#these phonecalls last a very long time#i don't phone anybody ever so this behaviour is very alien to me
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OKAY BUT NOOOOOOO that's exactly why I could never stream and I'm so irrationally afraid of actors/voice actors stumbling across my art of their characters too 😭😭😭I agonize over the content of like every idea for a drawing I have because Hiroyuki Sakamoto follows me too... sorry sirs the old man yuri was a momentary lapse in judgment... won't happen again...
REALEST SHIT IMAGINABLE LIKE ACTUALLY
#snap chats#im never forgetting the time someone tagged these voice actors in art i did of their charas and i wanted to delete the post immediately#i dont think they ever saw it- or if they did they didnt like the post but either way im 90% sure i deleted it right afterwards#ive always sworn the day an actor or VA acknowledges me in any capacity i'll delete my entire internet presence#1.) thats a testament to how unlikely i find the possibility to be but also 2.) I Mean It When I Say I'll Die If It Ever Happens#BUT LIKE NO LISTEN AT LEAST THE ART YOU'VE DONE IS LIKE. LIKE YOU CAN SHOW THAT TO ANYONE YK. from what IVE seen#gorgeous stuff. im trying to explain but like i hope you know what i mean..#cause with the stuff /i/ usually draw its like... Oh You're Ill You're Sick like yeah youre right and im waiting for the day i get caught#and then i will go to prison for my crimes never to be seen again. But Until Then.#its like tax evasion. do it until youre caught ☠️
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how do you keep getting all of the event five stars so often have you even lost like wth
ig the pity system is being nice to me?? idk man i’ve won my last 5 50/50s and am just like
also update since i forgot to post this; i lost alhaitham to jean :(
#like i used to have a pattern right#two wins and a loss#w the first win being high high pity ( like im talking 80s ) and then the sexond pull being early ( under 25 typically )#it started when i lost kazuha to qiqi!! i had the guarantee#used it for zhongli#and then right after got tighnari at 19 pity since they were running together#afterwards i pulled on cyno’s banner and lost to mona and started pulling on venti’s but got nothing#albedo’s banner came around and i wanted barbara cons so i pulled a handful of times and got him bc i’d lost track of pity and was at -/#— like more than 20+ higher pity than where i thought i was and i got him at 73#after a series of reakdowns because i’d been waiting for a chikde rerun fkr FOREVER i saved up 60+ pulls over the course of nahida’s banner#and i got childe at 23 pity#then he came home again also at 73?? i can’t rememmber#after that i was hungering for a loss bc i want alhaitham right#so i saved and i had abt 40-50 pulls saved iirc and my sister goaded me into spending them on itto like midway through his banner —#— ( the day before the akitsu yuugei event dropped !! ) and i got notbing and kicked myself#i kept pulling until i got to 59 that day but got nothing so i ended up going to bed with no itto shxbcjf#then the next day the event dropped and i got a single pull’s worth of primos from the first game and told myslef ‘why not??’ and pulled#i looked down to scroll through twitter and looked back up while a thread was loading and it was GOLD#and i was just like ‘FINALLY. HERE IS MY LOSS’#but it was ITTO#and i just stared at it#AND BELIEVE ME IM NOT COMPLAINING I’VE WANTED ITTO SINCE BEFORE HE WAS PLAYABLE YK LIKE I HAVE BEEN DESPERATE#and i didn’t get him on his last banenr and i was so upset#anyways after itto was here i built him and scrounged up primos and waited for ayato bc i thought ‘why tf not a win or a loss is good’#only bc i expected a loss i didn’t bother farming for ayato… and then he came home a few days ago and i was just stuck w my dick in my hand#and now i’m pulling on raiden’s banner !!#but unless i get crazy early pity like my younger sister ( on raiden’s first banner she did 3 single pulls at 0 pity#and got her on the third !! )#i likely wont be getting a raiden#which is fine bc i’m content to wait until her next banner
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i’d heard so much about how rory is kinda insufferable in the later seasons, but why didn’t anyone warn me about lorelei
#why does she behave like a child?#why does everyone treat jess like that?#why is she always so fucking childish with her parents#rory wanted to goto harvard so she just didn’t apply any other place? and then when her dad said that ivy leagues are difficult to get into#and lorelei doesn’t know how hard these admissions can get#and all of that is true!! rory could still get rejected because everyone else applying is just as perfect as her#i don’t really understand i barely liked lorelai in season 1#and i just can’t bring myself to like her afterwards#she’s so immature#and she behaves like the child in the relationship#‘my daughter is my best friend’ but she shouldn’t be? you should be her mother? you could be your daughter’s best friend#but your daughter shouldn’t be your best friend at that age#like she’s what 14 when the show starts#at least wait until she goes to uni#and what was that with when chris is having a baby with his gf#why were they so mad at him#he didn’t wanna same the mistakes he used to! why is that a sin in their books?!#lorelai is understanding towards everyone but her parents also#the only person i’m rooting for in this show is emily gilmore#also sookie i love her so much#gilmore girls
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