#and wake up in a DRASTICALLY different position

[beelittle]

c!benchtrio take a nap on the couch - well, two of them do at least

Michael joins them later

[strwberri-milk]

Three's A Crowd

additional tags: threesome, vaginal sex, oral sex, masturbation, full nelson, double penetration (oral/vaginal) very very mild somno, exhibitionism, wet dreams

Abysswalker x Fem!Reader x God of Tides || Smut || 3 542 words

The desert’s nights are always cold, Rafayel’s body thankfully warm enough to keep you from shivering. You’re glad that he sheds some of his outer layers before laying down with you, feeling the goosebumps along his skin settle only once he holds you. Your face is buried in his neck, Rafayel holding you tightly as he tells you more stories about the fallen nation of Lemuria.

“Your powers…they’re gone then?” you ask him after he recounts the last ascension ceremony for him, eyes flicking down to look at you.

“They’ve been in slumber for thousands of years at this point,” he replies, hand trailing up your back to press your face a little closer to his skin.

“Why? Do you want to see them?”

You deliberate a little, weighing the options in your head.

“I think I’d like to see how powerful you were at the height of Lemuria’s power. I don’t want you to have to live on the run for the rest of your life. I want us to have a life together. To be able to wake up at home without worrying any longer.”

Rafayel chuckles, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“My beloved. I already have all those things with you. But, if you want more, I won’t be the one to stop you. If I could give you the world, I would. All you need to do is ask for it.”

His voice is soft, low in his throat. You’re only able to hear him because you’re wrapped up so tightly against him, thick blankets conserving your body heat as your breaths mingle in the shared space.

“I already have it here.”

You can’t help but feel a pang of worry in your chest, his fingers gently resting against where your heart beats. You hope more than anything you could continue to live your days with Rafayel, not worrying about the day where you’d have to lay yourself out for him to take your heart. You wouldn’t mind, not at all. You know you’d go with a smile but you’d always mourn the time you couldn’t have with him.

“It’s yours whenever you want it you know,” you remind him, cupping his face in your hand.

“I could never do something like that to you. Rest now. Stop thinking about such silly things,” he chastises lightly, humming a tune that sounds so vaguely familiar as your eyes drift closed to sleep.

~~~~

When you awake again, you’re in a room that’s not too different than the room you had at the palace in Philos in terms of luxury. The fabrics are much lighter in colour, light silks draped around the room as you lay on a plush bed. Your clothes are different too – nothing as thick as the outfit Rafayel insists you wear for traversing the desert. Instead, they’re light on your body, cool and form fitting.

You look around for Rafayel, unsure of where you are when the door to the room opens. A man walks in, vibrant curls gently framing his face as he looks at you with a smile. Despite the drastic difference of his clothes you’d recognise him anyway, swallowing nervously as you look up at him.

“Rafayel?” you ask, relief filling your chest as he nods.

“My Beloved. You look lovely today, as you always do.”

He makes his way over to you, bringing your hand up to his lips to press a soft kiss. His eyes look different here, softer, somehow. You get the sense that despite being the man you love, he’s not quite right. His body feels familiar to you though, that tightness you get in your chest from looking at him for too long present as he stares intently at you.

Another pair of footsteps walks in, your eyes widening as the Rafayel you’re more familiar with walks in. His dark fabrics seem out of place in the room, leather far too harsh with the pale silks but he seems almost comfortable, a bit of mirth in his eyes as he sees the compromising position you’ve found yourself in.

“There you are. It seems Your Highness has found herself in quite the predicament, hasn’t she?” he teases, coming around behind you on the bed and pulling you against his chest.

You’re sat in his lap, the other Rafayel standing in front of you watching curiously as he spreads your thighs on his lap. You feel him shed some layers behind you, gloved hands slowly trailing up and down your body as you continue to gawk at the man in front of you.

“Don’t be rude,” Rafayel whispers into your ear from behind you. “You are in the presence of a God. Show some reverence Your Highness.”

Your eyes widen in shock as the weight of his words suddenly sink in. The man in front of you – The God of the Sea as now you know him – smirks, coming in to stand between your legs as he cups your chin in his hands.

“How insolent of you. You can’t even recognise the deity that saved your life?” he asks, chuckling at the dumbfounded look on your face.

“Perhaps just having you swear your life to me isn’t enough. Just your heart won’t be enough. Should I take my payment another way?”

You look back at Rafayel as he holds you, one of his hands beginning to massage at one of your tits as the other starts to sneak between your legs. You bite back a moan, unsure of what proper decorum would look like when staring at a deity like this, shuddering when you feel him press a kiss to your neck.

“You taste sweet,” he mutters, hands going to hold your hips in place as the Abysswalker teases your entrance with his fingers.

“Yes, a perfect offering for a God. I must have you.”

Adorned hands reach for your clothes, quickly stripping you down to nothing. You feel yourself squirming in his hold, wanting to bury your face in a more familiar body when the God turns your chin to look back at him.

“He’s not here right now. Just focus on me right now.”

He leans in to kiss you, a multitude of thoughts running through your mind. Would your Rafayel consider this cheating? He’s the same person as the one kissing you right now, isn’t he? But he would have stopped you by now if he didn’t want this, wouldn’t he? He must be okay with it if his gloved fingers are circling your clit, gently prodding against your entrance as you gasp into the other’s mouth.

He kisses you like he has all the time in the world, tongue gently exploring your mouth as he swallows every noise you make. It’s nothing like the hunger that Abysswalker kisses you with, an absolute starvation about him whenever he gets his hands on you. That desperation is felt against your back, the God pressing you against a hardening cock that makes the man holding you groan.

“You’re so filthy,” he whispers as you’re kissed dumb.

“You’re being kissed by another and yet you’re still desperate for my cock? You’re insatiable, aren’t you Your Highness? I wonder how the court would react knowing their beloved princess just wants to be spread wide and used by Lemurians.”

“I think they’d want to watch,” the God says in reply, pulling back from the addictive sweetness of your lips.

“Wouldn’t you? The human body is so intriguing, especially when caught in the throes of pleasure. Of course they’d want to see such a sweet little toy be broken down by two monsters, pussy leaking cum as more is begged for.”

You think you should be terrified at the filthy words spilling out of his lips but you can’t help but get more excited. Abysswalker makes a sound of displeasure, gloved fingers sliding into your hole as he feels you clench at the thought.

“You’re leaking. Your body is so warm. You want that, don’t you? To be used by the both of us?”

Against your better judgement you nod, gasping when the Rafayel in front of you drops to his knees. He pulls your legs over his shoulders greedily, mouth immediately going to lap at your dripping pussy as the one holding you brings his hands to tease at your nipples.

You already weren’t very experienced – being nobility does that to someone – which always meant that your body felt like it was on fire at the littlest of touches that Rafayel would give you. The two of you were intimate before, him showing you just how good his touch could make you feel. That didn’t help you now, hips bucking furiously into the mouth of a Sea God as a vigilante teased at your nipples, lips sucking dark marks into your skin.

Your pussy convulses over nothing as your feel his tongue swirl around your cunt, sloppy in a way that you didn’t know you needed. It feels like he knows your body better than you do, pushing up against you to angle your hips upwards and give him a better angle to start fucking his tongue into you. The sounds you make just get lewder, wet squelching hitting both of their ears and making their cocks twitch with need.

“That’s – too much –“ you whine, hands going to dig into his violet locks.

“I told you I’d be taking my payment,” he says against you, gently tugging your clit with his teeth.

“You don’t get to decide when I’m done.”

The words almost make you cum, gasping for breath as he dives back in like a man starved. His nails dig into the plush of your thighs, loud slurping and licking making all the hairs on your body stand to attention. Your nipples aren’t better off, tweaked and massaged consistently. The onslaught of stimulation as you cumming in no time, spilling into his waiting mouth.

He doesn’t stop after that though, simply pressing closer against you as you feel Abysswalker push you forward to fit against his hungry mouth better. It makes you squeal, gasping and whining as your body is pushed past its limits, thighs clenching tightly around his head when he abandons them in favour of holding your hips.

“He just wants one more,” you hear whispered into your ear. “Just give us one more and I promise you’ll be rewarded for doing so well,” he promises, giving you just that push you need to cum again, catching your breath as the God stands.

Despite the loose fitting pants he wears you can still see the outline of his cock pressed against it, letting him press it against the plush of your chest as he looks past you to Abysswalker. The two of them speak amongst themselves, Lemurian words still past the majority of your comprehension. You can only make out a few meanings, more distracted by the way his cock grinds against you instinctively as they speak.

Suddenly you feel the weight of your body shift, lifted into the air as the God now holds you. He turns you to face him and you catch the sight of Abysswalker pulling his cock out of his pants, slowly stroking it to the sight of you. You’re now face to face with the God, lips swallowed in a hungry kiss. He turns your body as you feel your pussy being brought down to grind against his cock. You moan into his mouth, arms coming up to hold your legs in place as he slowly starts to sink in. You don’t think you can keep looking at him like this, the muscles in your neck already screaming in complaint but you don’t have time to think about it when he starts to fuck up into you.

Your suddenly realise just how exposed you are, pussy stretched full for Abysswalker’s hungry gaze. He leans back on a palm, hips slowly bucking into his fist as he fucks himself in time to the rhythm of the God. Embarrassment floods your body as you turn to bury your face in his shoulder, the squirming of your hips doing nothing but fucking him deeper inside of you.

“Why are you hiding Your Highness?” you hear from in front of you, the bite of a smirk in his voice.

“It’s nothing I haven’t already seen. Come on. Show off for me some more,” he coaxes, groaning low in his chest as he watches your hips fail to escape the pleasure being provided by the cock drilling into you.

Two pairs of eyes watch your clenching hole intently, watching your cum get fucked out of you from the brutal pace that’s been set. Your tits bounce wildly, balls slapping hard against your clit in a way that makes you whine with each touch. Your head thrashes, body shaking as you feel the God walk closer to Abysswalker, giving him a front row seat to your cute little hole just barely accommodating the stretch of his girth.

Your eyes stay stuck on him, watching as his fist moves faster over his cock. You love the way he sounds, the wet shlick of his fist pumping him only muted by the lewd sounds of your cunt being fucked. His pace speeds up when you’re brought closer to him, chest heaving as he keeps his eyes solely focused on the way your hole tries its best to keep his cock inside of you. Every time his head just barely pokes out of you you’re whining like you’ll die without it, every hit of his cock making soft little noises escape from your lips.

“There you go then. Feast your eyes,” you hear from above you, keening loudly as he somehow manages to adjust his angle to hit deeper inside of you.

The head of his cock brutalises a spot inside of you that makes you see stars, whining his name loudly. Both of them smile at your reaction, bodies working harder to reach their peaks. You can feel it inside of you, the way his cock twitches, the feeling his breath as he tries to keep up with the desperate squirming of your body. It makes you scream, legs pressed tightly against his arms as you cum, the knowledge that youre being watched making you squirt on Abysswalker, your arousal spattering against his chest and dripping down to his cock.

His eyes widen and he pulls his hand off of himself, panting as he wills himself not to cum from the sight. Your orgasm doesn’t deter the God holding you in the least, continuing his rough pace with barely any issues.

“You’re squeezing so tight my Beloved,” he coos, grunting lowly as he feels his orgasm cresting.

“You want me to fill you up? Make you drip my cum?” he asks sweetly, such a cruel contrast to the pounding of your hole.

You nod eagerly, trying to press yourself closer to the base of his cock. He laughs a little at your desperation, peppering your neck in kisses as he delivers a few more hard thrusts. He buries himself to the hilt, breath warm against your temple as you feel him fill you up. The warmth seeps through your body, dripping down his cock as he takes his time sliding out of you.

Abysswalker’s eyes follow the trail of cum dripping out of your slit, hole still clenching as you moan softly from the feeling of no longer being as full as you just were. He happily takes you out of his counterpart’s arms, turning you back around to face the God this time as your knees settle on either side of his lap.

You don’t know what to expect until you feel a gloved hand pushing against the small of your back, gently persuading you to lean more of your weight against his lap. You can’t help but stare at the God’s cock in front of you, still shiny with both your arousals as you feel the urge to run your tongue up the shaft. You bite your lip as you stare up at the God, enraptured by just how beautiful he looks staring down at you.

Your mouth opens as you feel Abysswalker’s cock slide inside of you, him guiding your hips down to his base as the God takes this as his opportunity to slide his dick inside of your mouth. He rests the tip inside of your mouth, shuddering as he feels your moans going down the length of his shaft as your tongue instinctively laps at his leaking slit.

Abysswalker guides your pace on his cock, strong hands bringing you up and down as his hips buck up into you, pushing you down further on the dick inside of your mouth. You look up at the God teary eyed, shallow gags from his length being brought down further your throat making him groan as his hips start to lightly fuck into your mouth.

The feeling of being filled on both sides makes your mind spin, legs thrashing on the bed as you pant and gasp. You’re only given time to breath when the God takes pity on you, drawing his length out of you every so often to trace the shape of your lips with the head of his cock before sliding back down your throat. It’s almost too much but you need it desperately, need them both desperately.

You start to bob your head up and down much to his pleasure. Fingers reach for your scalp, resting against the back of your head as you feel him start to guide your mouth up and down. This, paired with the fingers digging into your hips and you’re practically being used like a doll for both of their pleasure.

The burning in your stomach reaches a fever pitch. You never knew your body could feel so much pleasure, desperate moans of his name cut off by the shoving of his cock back inside of you or a rough thrust into your pussy that makes your eyes roll into the back of your head. They can both feel your tightness over their cocks, minds running with even more filthy thoughts about how else they can push you to take even more.

You cum without warning, gagging on the cock in your mouth as Abysswalker spills into you at the same time. The feeling of your moans in addition to your gagging makes the God push himself all the way down your throat. You swallow around him as he cums deep, guttural groans coming from all sides of you.

The two of them savour the feeling of you for a second before finally sliding out, laying you back down on the bed. You think you need to be ready for more, not minding how insatiable they seem as you spread your legs. You hear them both laugh a little, amused as they both crawl over you. Your body stiffens as you prepare but you’re met with their lips peppering against you affectionately. Your limbs are lifted, gently massaged as they shower you in attention, licking at the harsh marks they’ve left on your skin and cleaning you up.

Your eyes close as you savour it, greedily kissing back whoever manages to steal your lips first. The taste of you is still sweet on their tongue, hands reaching out for the two of them as you whine and gasp under them, ready for more when they want you.

~~~~

When your eyes open again you feel the heaving of your chest, pussy warm with Rafayel’s hand cupping you as he stares down at you with an amused smile. He peppers your neck in kisses, nosing against your cheek.

“Well good morning. Did you have a good dream?”

Sunlight streams in through the opening of your tent’s entrance. You can hear the sound of the settlement waking up, conversations soft to avoid waking up any body who happened to still be sleeping. You sigh, making a soft noise as you feel him push up the hem of your shirt to start caressing your body.

“It’s morning?” you ask groggily, throat feeling better than you thought it should considering the rough treatment you were subjected to.

“It is Your Highness,” he says sweetly, hand slipping into your panties as he teases the wetness there.

“You wouldn’t stop moaning my name last night. I wanted to wake you but you looked like you were having such a good dream. Evidently so – I think you came once or twice from nothing.”

You’re embarrassed, flustered by how wet you are. You think he’s right, your panties soaked with arousal from the orgasms you had just from your dream. You divert from the line of questioning by kissing him back hungrily, starving for his touch as your body settles back into that post orgasmic haze induced from what seems to have been your dream.

“Just had a dream about you,” you mumble against his lips, arms circling around his shoulders as you press him closer.

“That’s all.”

He seems sated with that answer for now, rolling on top of you as he reminds you just how ruined you are for him and only him.

[adviceformefromme]

💖TRUSTING YOUR INNER VOICE - 3 MONTHS UNTIL 2025 - GLOW UP SERIES [WEEK 12] - 💖

Your life can drastically change in three months, and this is coming from someone who started last October unexpectedly in hospital everyday for three weeks, to then leave London and move back home and share a ROOM with my mom due to space issues and by the end of the whirlwind I finally got to move into my dream ocean view apartment in Europe. ALL WITHIN 3 MONTHS. How did I transform my life? What remained consistent was my inner voice, leading me towards faith and not fear. Being able to hear God’s direction and having the courage to take a leap into the unknown at each twist and turn. So no matter where you start this October, trust and know that miracles are possible, and if you stay true to where you are being guided you will end up exactly where you need to be. 

UNDERSTANDING WHAT VOICE IS GUIDING YOU…

Are you leaning into fear or into faith? Each day, are you sticking to what you know or are you taking risks? Are you using your voice to speak up when you’re usually quiet? Are you still remaining true to your vision despite not seeing the results in the 3D? Are you trying to control situations feeling anxious and stuck, or are you remaining trusting and faithful to the visions God has placed in your heart? If you find fear is guiding your life, your TRANSFORMATION is going to a struggle, there is going to be friction, and this is where you need to get out of your own way. God wants to move you somewhere you’ve never been, you’ve been doing your vision boards, affirmations, praying, reading, trying your very best to LEVEL-TF-UP, and STILL feeling stuck…and this is because your inner voice is holding you hostage to what you’ve known, to the old version of you, the expired version. These next 12 weeks are for tuning into a different frequency, to locking into God’s direction and here are the steps…

1] You need to meditate to create space in your mind to hear the voice that wants to lead you to your highest potential. It’s always there waiting for you to listen, in order to HEAR you need SPACE.. and to get space you need to meditate. The aim is 20 mins per day, if you’re already comfortable with this aim for 1 hour. I know this might sound like a scary amount of time to sit in silence but think how easily you can spend 20 mins on social media doom scrolling…Do you want to GLOW-UP or do you want to stay stuck? This is what you need to ask yourself daily…But please walk before you run, here is 10 mins meditation that is simple and transformative and will 100% allow you mental space so you can slowly throughout the day start to hear your inner voice - God speaking to you. 

2] Tune out of negativity (the news, low vibration music, gossip, scrolling through peoples highlight reel) and tune into high vibes… Listening to high vibes is going to move you energetically into a new space. There will be more peace and positivity. The high vibes include, morning motivation on YouTube find one that empowers you, cleansing your social media accounts of anything negative or deleting it full stop while you’re on your glow up journey. Listening to binaural beats, gospel, or anything that has empowering lyrics that lift you up. 

3] Once you have removed the low vibes you also want SILENT vibes, this means going for a walk without your phone. Waking up and not checking your phone for 1 hour, having as many moments of silence as possible, and this is when you will start to hear. You might hear negativity in your mind at first, it might be overbearing, the voice might be telling you how stupid you are, how pathetic you are, but PERSEVERE. Get curious on why you have this negativity in your mind, journal on what was coming up for you, you want to clear out the negativity so you can hear the inner wisdom that is waiting to flow in. 

4] PRAY FOR GUIDANCE. If you don’t have the direction, you are wanting to transform your life and don’t know what the next steps are, I promise you the moment you start praying and asking is the moment you receive the answers. It will come in the form of conversations, YouTube content creators will appear in your feed, you will have thoughts, dreams, a book will fall of a shelf, there will be direction from above. God wants to help you, you just have to ask and listen clearly for the answers. They will appear.

A little story time of my 3 month transformation from last October - December and how I completely transformed my life in that time…

Until next week, stay in your faith, your journal and remain hopeful that this time things are going to be different. Your transformation is in progress.

[someobsessionrequired]

OP Characters Favorite ways to cuddle!

Ft. Kid, killer, Heat

KID!

Oh boy, I hope you are not the type to have to get up throughout the night, because there is no moving away from this man!

Most nights will end with you pulled onto his chest, head pressed against his shockingly soft bisep and arm wrapped snuggley around you

His hand rests against your upper thigh, this hold might come across as gentle in the moment but the second you attempt to wiggle out of this position it's almost as though his body reacts on it's own, pulling you in tightly against him

Best of luck to anyone who does need to get up in the middle of the night because this man sleeps like a boulder. If a ship was to appear in the distance this man would sense it within an instant snapping awake, but the second it's you thrashing in his arms saying his name and fighting against his hold ...no dice

On particularly rough nights the position changes up drastically

He will press your back against his chest wrapping himself in around you, large arm resting in front of your body holding you close

He really is a softy and only really cares about holding you close even on the hottest nights against both your better judgments

Speaking of, this man runs hot...and I mean hot! porthole window cracked open is an often must for both your sake

KILLER!

Oh this sweet man! He is such a cuddly dude once you get him to open up

First while of sharing a bed is awkward because this man refuses to take off the mask, and don't push him to otherwise the things never coming off

He loves to hold you close when you sleep often spooning you

He will have you laying against his chest, one arm under your head with you either laying on his upper bicep on just under his arm, his other arm resting around your form

The arm wrapped around you moves in soothing patterns on your body, he never is the first to sleep and will always make sure you are relaxed and taken care of before he submits to sleep

After some time he will remove the mask for bed, and aside from the pure distraction of how gorgeous this man is the next biggest issue will be the hair

As gorgeous as this man's hair is it doesn't take long to realize the mask was the only thing holding it in place, often just as you're starting to drift off killer will dip his head in closer to yours holding you tighter, intern large portions of his hair spilling over into your face

This man is a light sleeper, which in theory is great if you need to get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night... but this man is also clingy as hell when he's tired, often getting up with you and waiting outside the bathroom door just to sweep you back up into bed

HEAT!

Another absolutely cuddly boy! He is the type who is always down for a cuddle often leading to the two of you sneaking off just to have a nap in a hammock

When the two of you settle into bed at the end of the night it becomes an entanglement of Limbs quickly

There is absolutely no consistency in which the two of you sleep, often you find yourself playing rag doll as heat slots different limbs at strange angles holding you close

Absolutely the type to mutter on about nothing and everything as he gets tired, mindlessly running his hands though your hair and rubbing soothing patterns on your back

Due to his powers this dude runs hot as hell, but will whine about opening the porthole because he's 'Freezing' for some strange reason even though his body temperature feels warm he himself seems to run cold

Another difficult one to wake up, once he's out there is no amount of shuffling away from him that will wake him up

If anything he just pulls you in tighter, however a simple mutter of his name will wake him out of a dead slumber

Writters Note!

Hehe should I do more of these? If so who?

Requests are open for anything! I will write for most One Piece Characters!!

[biblomaniac]

Warm.

Lena felt almost uncomfortably warm, body nearly sticking to the cotton sheets she was in. The position she found herself in was familiar, Kara wrapped comfortably around her back, arm thrown carelessly over her waist.

However, despite waking up in a familiar bed, in a familiar position, something was drastically different. She was naked. Naked. With Karas arm across her waist and hand spread protectively over her stomach. What. The. Fuck.

She lifted the duvet carefully, trying to assure herself this could absolutely not be happening. Yet, lo and behold, she was indeed without clothes, and so it seemed was Kara.

Panic consumed Lena’s groggy mind. Her body tensed, all thoughts of warmth and comfort replaced by fear. She prepared to leave, deciding it would be best to get up quickly, but that plan failed almost instantly.

It seemed that even in sleep, the blonde was very aware of her surroundings. She was intent on keeping Lena in the bed with her. The hand on her stomach pulled her body back into the hard plane of Kara’s midsection.

Dear God. This is not going well.

Lena doesn’t move, staying stock still as she waits for Kara’s breathing to settle back into a gentle rhythm before trying to escape again. This time, she scoots slowly out of the bed, replacing herself with the pillow she laid on last night.

This time, she’s successful, managing to tiptoe away from the bed, watching as Kara frowns into the pillow she now clutches. A moment goes by, Lena watching in anticipation as Kara relaxes back into the bed, inhaling the scent of the pillow.

Whew. Close one.

Making her way past the curtain that divides Kara’s bedroom and living room, Lena manages to locate most of her clothes from the night before, sans her underwear. The panicked brunette pulls what she can find on quickly, grabbing her dead phone and heels left sitting haphazardly by the door before exiting the apartment. Once in the elevator, Lena rubs at her throbbing forehead, eyes pressed tightly together with only one thought coursing through her mind,

What have I done?

__________________________

Cold.

There was a calming warmth next to her body last night that is absent when she awakes. Kara reaches her hand out, feeling the cool sheets on the empty side of the bed instead of a snuggly Lena.

She frowns, opening her eyes and searching for her companion. She scans the bedroom, empty; turns on her x-ray vision to see into the kitchen, empty; and spreads her hearing to the bathroom, empty.

Kara throws off the sheets, emerging from her room to look in the living room, seeing every trace of Lena missing. Her heart aches, thinking that Lena would leave so soon after what they’d done last night. Her thoughts spiral, quickly becoming negative. She tries to think logically, reasoning what she knows about her paramour with her actions last night and this morning.

Maybe last night wasn’t good for her.

But Lena would’ve said something in the moment, right?

I guess I’m not what she wants.

But Lena wouldn’t have kissed her, had sex with her, fallen asleep with her after if she didn’t feel something in return.

No. Lena’s always busy. Maybe she just had an emergency at L-Corp.

A plausible excuse indeed, yet it saddens Kara to think that last night didn’t mean enough to Lena for her to stay, or at least wake Kara up to say goodbye.

The hero decides that she has to see Lena today, to clarify what last night meant for them. The first order of business is to shower. Kara spends extra time under the water thinking about what to say and do around Lena when she’s sees her. She doesn’t want to come off too strong, or emotional, or too clingy.

Leaving the bathroom, Kara quickly dresses in an olive Henley, black slacks and brown loafers. She searches through her jewelry box for the Figaro link chain Lena bought her for her last birthday. Once the treasured piece is found, Kara exits her apartment, closing the door behind her and setting off to Noonans to grab a late breakfast before searching for Lena.

____________________________

Once at home, the brunette immediately goes to the bathroom, intent on washing the shame of her mistakes away. She sheds her clothes quickly, dropping them into the hamper before turning the water on in the shower. Turning around to grab a rag, Lena catches a glance of her body in the mirror.

Jesus.

Lena’s body was covered in love bites, some red, others purple, and a few already turning green with healing. If Lena hadn’t woken up where she did, she would be concerned about the logistics of how she got all these bruises. Her fair skin has always been prone to bruising, leaving her with one bruise or another at any given time.

The scientist pokes and prods at a few, relieved that they don’t seem to hurt. Honestly, she can’t believe Kara did this. The mild-mannered reporter may be made of steel, but she’s still the sweet, goofy, woman she met years ago in her office.

Lena stares at her reflection until the mirror is too foggy to look in. She gets into the shower, careful of the hot water.

I’m bruised enough as it is. I don’t need to add any burns to the mix.

Overall, her shower is quick, washing her body and hair thoroughly before stumbling through the doorway into her bedroom. Ruffling through the drawers, Lena pulls out a pair of panties and a shirt Kara left behind ages ago but Lena has failed to return. The oversized shirt is comfortable and still vaguely smells of Kara. Once dressed, Lena drops heavily into her bed, shuffling under the covers.

Her eyes water, and she finally gives into the urge to cry.

***********************************************

After buying a few too many pastries, Kara listens for Lena’s heart, finding it in the CEOs own apartment, but beating just a tad too fast. Kara zones in, making sure that Lena is okay. The lub-dub of the brunettes heart is quick, not in fear or distress, but in anxiety.

Kara forgoes the walk across town she planned to take, choosing to find an alley to fly off from instead. As her updated Super-suit materializes from her glasses, Kara wraps her breakfast in her cape, wanting to keep it warm and safe from the wind. It only takes Kara half a minute to reach Lena’s balcony across town. She touches down gently, deactivating her Super-suit while using her handprint to unlock the balcony door.

“Lena?” Kara calls, wanting to announce her presence.

There is no response.

Moving into the spacious living space, Kara sets the pastries on a tray in the oven to keep warm, more than familiar with the layout of Lena’s home after years of friendship.

She makes her way into her best friend’s bedroom, wanting to talk to Lena about their night together. When she knocks on the door, she receives no response.

“Lena? It’s me, Kara. Your, your best friend. Can I come in?” She receives no response.

“Lena? I know you’re in there. If you don’t say no, I’m going to come in.”

Kara waits for a no, but when she hears nothing through the door but sniffles, she enters the room. She immediately spies Lena under the covers, trembling softly. The blonde sits on the bed, pulling the covers back slowly, only for Lena to hide her face in her arms.

“Lee, what’s wrong?” she questions.

Lena only cries harder, soft sniffles devolving into full blown sobbing.

“Oh, Lee. C’mere,” Kara lifts Lena’s body to lay in her lap, cradling her close. One hands rubs Lena’s spine, noting the shirt she’s been missing for months, while the other cards through inky black hair.

Lena presses her face into a toned stomach, hiding her obvious tears from Kara.

“Why are you here?” she cries. Lena was convinced their relationship would be ruined. It makes no sense that Kara would be here, consoling her so sweetly after last night.

“What do you mean? I came to talk. I woke up and you were already gone,” Kara says. She’s embarrassed to have to explain further, but Lena’s reaction is confounding.

“I’m sorry, Lena. If it wasn’t good, or I did something you didn’t like, you can tell me. I would never want to ruin our friendship over something as trivial as—as sex.” she stutters.

The brunette releases a strangled sound, moving away from Kara’s lap. She sits among the island of pillows on the bed, arms circling her legs as if to protect herself from the self-imposed onslaught of emotion.

“Trivial?” she questions, fear and anxiety turning into a spark of anger.

“Ye—yeah? It’s just sex, if you want it to be. I would never let that ruin our friendship. You mean more to me than that.” Kara tries to explain.

“It’s not, it’s not trivial, Kara! It meant something to me,” Lena says ashamedly, head turning away to stare at the wall.

Kara is more confused now than she was mere moments ago. “So what’s wrong? I don’t understand. Why are you crying if it meant something to you?”

“Because—because everyone leaves after! No one sticks around after they’ve taken what they wanted from me. So I decided to leave, before you could,” Lena explains, voice watery.

“I was never going to leave, Lena. We were in my apartment for Rao’s sake!”

“You know what I mean! No one wants anything from me but my mind, my money, or my body. No one wants the Luthor bastard—“

“Hey! Don’t say that,” Kara starts.

“Why not? It’s true, it always has been.”

Lena looks downright pitiful. Beautiful eyes watery, face wet with tears and lips trembling as she tries to hold in her cries.

“I want you!”

“No you don’t!” Lena denies, voice rising hysterically.

“Lena, I would never use you like that. Is that what you think of me; that I’m some vulture?”

“I don’t know what to think! Everything happened so fast. One minute we were on the couch watching a movie and the next we were together in your bed. What more could you have wanted?” Lena questions hotly.

“You, Lena. Rao, I’ve always wanted you,” the blonde confides.

Lena denies her claim swiftly, harshly wiping her face with the back of her hand, “You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I do, Lee. Why would you sleep with me if you thought it wouldn’t mean anything?”

“I…I was weak. I’ve wanted you for so long. I couldn’t deny the chance to have you, even if knew it would break me the next day.”

Kara reaches for Lena’s arms, pulling them away from her body and towards her own. Using one hand to tilt Lena’s head up, the hero urges Lena to face her.

“Look at me, Lena.”

When emerald eyes meet her own, Kara smiles softly. “I told you last night; I love you. I didn’t lie to you. I love you, with every fiber of my being. You mean the world to me, Lena Luthor.”

Hearing a declaration she’s only dreamed of, the scientist surges forward, intent on kissing Kara as quickly as possible. Kara has to lean back, just enough so that Lena doesn’t crash into into the equivalent of a brick wall. Their kiss was short, but sweeter than pure sugarcane.

“I love you, too. I’m sorry for leaving. I was scared,” Lena says against Kara lips.

Kara pecks her lips once, twice, three times before she replies.

“It’s okay, Lee. I forgive you. I love you so much,” she repeats.

Lena is forming her reply when a loud growl erupts from the aliens stomach. The pair burst in laughter, thankful for the levity Kara’s stomach of steel has brought.

Lena edges off the bed, reaching a hand back to Kara once she stands. “Okay, let’s go feed the monster.”

Kara agrees quickly, grabbing the outstretched hand in her own. They’ve just passed through the doorway into the kitchen when Kara stops walking, pulling Lena back to herself by their connected hands.

“Kar, what—“

Kara cuts Lena off with a kiss. It’s deep and passionate, sweet like candy and right as rain. When Kara disconnects a few moments later, she lays a peck to Lena’s cheek before resuming their trek to the kitchen.

“C’mon, Lee! I’m starving.”

Lena just follows willingly, dazed and in love.

[mossy-green-aka-ferrythem]

The new W Corp Event definitely has caused me to think a lot more deeply about W Corp...

...and how its stagnation shows something of a bit of hope in the city. That absolute cruelty cannot be absolutely sustained.

I think the big thing is how while Lobotomy Corporation's dissolution and the plan Ayin carried out was meant to be the thing that changed everything, really Angela's choices made it so it wouldn't go through.

But here's the thing. Angela may very well be the strongest of all of them.

She withstood eternity.

She saw those who couldn't withstand it in the WARP, and was disgusted.

I think what makes the eternity in the WARP Trains so just, awful is that the residents of The City sort of live without hope.

They won't connect with one another, if they do it is in a broken and warped way. The connection is either made with violence, or through desperation, like they truly don't like the idea of connection, or have such a conservative idea of it that you end up with scenarios like "Love Town".

Even in the recent event, you see that one of the only way someone can take pleasure in this sort of eternity, is to treat it as a banquet. A kingdom. Cannibalism. I believe that W Corp can be linked to a thematic cannibalism. The metaphor here doesn't have any warmth though, it's a cannibalism of the human spirit.

We see this in the Sinners W Corp IDs.

Notice how the light has so clearly left their eyes?

Hong Lu's demeanor rings incredibly hollow, his smile having the most false appearance out of all his IDs. Don Quixote's joyful spirit has been crushed. Faust in this world feels like a very sorrowful being, sort of making one think about Faust as a more sorrowful character. That Fausts like W Faust exist, existing in such a jaded, hopeless state. Meursault does what he must do for the Wing, but I would imagine he is totally lost because of that. Ryoshu seems to delight in the halls of gore, but I don't think this is a good thing, if anything it shows her totally going off the deep end, and Outis seems like she's become completely lost in her Odyssey...

All of which have been sort of devoured by the cruelty of it all. That they cut apart and put back together pieces of their fellow humans in such a way. It feels different than the death that follows the war-like environment of the general city, because most of these people were normal. Most of these people could have been parents, with children. They could have been truly upstanding individuals, they could have been many things...

However, since the people of the City lack hope, lack warmth, lack pleasure, they cannot withstand eternity. They cannot withstand impossibly slowed time. They cannot do any of it, and will only be consumed.

However... this cruelty... all the time of all the people sent off on the WARP Trains...

It seems like a fairly recent invention all things considered...

Even if the time by now is enough to wrap around the entire history of life on Earth by now, spent in the WARP...

There is something about the idea that. It can end. People don't take pleasure in this. It brings out the worst of The City in such a drastic way, that surely it cannot be sustained...

That and the collapse of Lobotomy Corporation has just been a net positive for. Everyone.

Just look at how the Sephiriah are in Ruina! Look at how Angela found herself! Look at how they still stand, looking at the city, representing a new beginning, a new hope!

The eternity in those trains may be awful, but there is a way through it all... it will end one day... just like how the eternity in those trains end...

Just like how they have found entire WARP Trains full of people holding hands... there is a way through it all, there is still humanity in the wake of all this madness...

Hell just. Look at how Don Quixote knew how the Bloodfiend would have these people fade away, never to return. She would rather face eternity than to accept a scenario where these people never come back, and that is quite powerful.

Really it is all so interesting. Horrific beyond belief, but so interesting...

[hauntedandmurdered]

You know what feels like a fucking slap in the face? Hearing over and over again that Silence of the Lambs is a bad horror story that only people with a sick brain can get excited about and making the claim that Hannibal and Clarice's relationship is toxic.

This goes out to anyone who can't and won't understand the message and depth that Thomas Harris was trying to convey. May your eyes be blessed. <3

With this work, the author of this tetralogy has created a concept, which is of central importance as a wake-up call for both literature and films, even nowadays. How? By developing a strong female protagonist who tries to assert herself in a world dominated by men. No matter what means she uses, no matter how successful she may be, she is not appreciated but sexualized because she is a woman. Her gender determines her position in society and her career at the FBI. Clarice Starling is the damn heroine of this story and is not recognized for it. She is repeatedly confronted with contempt on various social levels.

There is only one person in the story, her antagonist, the cannibalistic serial killer and psychiatrist, Hannibal Lecter, who respects her for her intellect, kindness and purity. This is part of the special charm that develops throughout their peer relationship. She is the first person during his imprisonment to whom he answers questions. In contrast to all the others who have tried before her and whom he despises for their greed and selfishness, Clarice treats him with respect, despite all his deeds. It is the small but significant details during the interrogations down in the Baltimore state hospitality for the criminally insane that give clues as to how something develops between the two.

Hannibal may be a murderer, but he is also a professional psychiatrist at heart. By letting her work through the trauma of her childhood and gaining insight into her soul, he gives her the relevant clue to see her mission through: the gift of self-absolution. He understands that despite what has happened to her, Clarice is genuinely a good person and that what drives her is ultimately courage and purity, not greed for prestige and self-promotion unlike the FBI. He values her for being on the same level of intelligency. They are equal.

They are also linked by a significant event in their childhoods: both grew up as orphans and lost loved ones. This drastic break changed the lives of both of them, albeit in completely different directions. While Clarice has never given up hope and the pursuit of good, Hannibal has turned his back on precisely that. This is most likely why he admires her, for the small glimmer of light in her that was destroyed in him a long time ago.

Hannibal, from whom one least expects it, shows compassion.

The touching of their fingers during their last encounter for the time being is therefore an indescribably captivating moment; it is the first and only physical intimacy they share.

[spideykels]

speed dial - miguel o’hara x reader

summary: the miguel o’hara calls out of work for you.

warnings: fluff, tickle attacks

Sleeping in was an extremely rare occurrence between you and Miguel. With both of you having to carry the responsibilities of being bit by radioactive spiders, and with him leading an entire society of Spider-People? It’s close to impossible to get a night where both of you get enough sleep, nonetheless to actually be able to sleep in.

But he’s convincing when he needs to be, especially today.

The early morning birds are heard quietly chirping through the window of the bedroom you and Miguel share. Your eyes slowly flutter open as you squint, adjusting to the brightness of the bedroom. It’s around 6AM in the early July morning, and soft rays of sunshine are peering through the blinds of the large window in your bedroom. The room’s partially illuminated, since the sun hasn’t fully risen yet and you turn to face your boyfriend.

You shift as gently as you can, not wanting to wake him up from his slumber before admiring his facial features.

Miguel’s usual furrow between his brows is gone, and he’s the most relax that you’ve seen in a while. His pretty, deep mauve lips are slightly parted, as soft snores escape from them. A small amount of light reflects onto his face, emphasizing his beautiful tan skin and slightly flushed, carved cheeks. You smile when you see his unruly hair, his dark brown waves pointing in all different directions.

You reach out a hand to brush back a piece of hair that was covering his eyes. Suddenly, his hand shoots out and gently grabs your wrist. A soft smile spreads across his lips.

“I can sense you staring, you creep,” he teases with his deep and rugged morning voice, his eyes still close.

You giggle and he pulls you closer by the grip on your wrist, so close that your body is completely engulfed by his. Even after dating for years, you’re still surprised every time when you take note of how large in size his body is compared to yours. Your face nestles softly in his chest as you speak, your voice slightly mumbled.

“I can’t help it if my boyfriend is majestical to look at, you’re built like a fucking Greek god,” you whisper softly, brushing his hair back and giving loving scratches to his scalp. He lets out soft whimpers, leaning into your touch. “Plus, it’s not like you don’t stare at me when I sleep, O’Hara.”

His eyes flutter open softly at this and he smiles sheepishly, looking down at you on his chest. “You’re right, mi vida,” he says, his voice still gruff from a night’s worth of slumber. “I can’t help it. What can I say, you take my breathe away every-time I see you.”

You let out a small laugh, gently tapping his chest with an open palm. “So cheesy.”

“Oh, really?”, Miguel looks down at you, laughing softly, his fangs peeking through as he smiles. You feel the vibrations of his chuckles on his chest and you smile into his soft skin.

“Mhm.”

Suddenly, you feel his fingertips at your sides, starting to violently tickle you.

Hard laughter erupts out of you as you try to pry his fingers off of you, but to no avail he pushes your hands away easily. He ends up straddling you as you lay on your back, pathetically trying to defend yourself as the sounds of conjoined laughter fill the room.

After a few moments, he stops, looking down at you like you painted the night sky with your bare hands. You take the chance to flip him over with your legs, switching positions. Miguel’s laying flat on the bed as your face is hovering over his. You press your forehead against his and peck his lips gently through a soft smile.

The gentle peck turn deeper as he grips the back of your neck, pulling you in. His lips are soft and tender, nothing but love and innocence behind the kisses- a drastic change from your activities from the night before.

You pull away after a few moments, turning to look at the clock on your shared nightstand. “We should go, Migs,” you whisper, straddling him and smiling down at him. You, however, make no movement that indicates the urgency of the situation. “Jess is gonna be mad if we’re late.”

Miguel smiles up at you, and sits up so you’re face to face. He brushes a strand of your hair behind your ear before leaving a kiss on your nose. Then your cheeks. Then your forehead. And finishing on your lips. “Staying in once couldn’t hurt,” he mutters.

“Is the Miguel O’Hara; the protector of the fate of the multiverse suggesting we skip work?”, you feign a gasp as you hold a hand over your heart.

He laughs as he shakes his head, ruffling your hair slightly. “All we have is a few debriefs today. Jess can handle the team for a day,” he smiles as he pecks your lips again. “Plus, the only danger would be the teens,” he says, referencing to the rag-tag team of Miles, Gwen, Pav, and Hobie.

You teasingly roll your eyes before looking at him, your eyebrows furrowing before your tone lowers to a less joking tone. You reach out to cup his cheek. “Are you sure?”.

Miguel nods once, completely sure as he leans into your touch. “It’s only a day, we never have days off,” he whispers. “If anything, we’ll be on speed dial.”

A smile spreads across your face, ear-to-ear. You tackle Miguel back into bed, peppering kisses all over his face as he lets out chuckles, embracing you with his arms.

The warmth of his body envelopes you as he wraps both of his arms around you, protecting you from the rest of the world.

And for the entire morning, throughout the rest of the day, it’s just the two of you.

[lovinglokilaufeyson]

Love is a Dagger: II

Pairings: Loki x Fem!Reader/Dagger

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Smuttish/Suggestive (on Loki’s part, Dagger’s not there yet). Depictions of Fighting. More Steve x Reader (in the form of comfort, not romance). Loki Pining. Jealous!Loki. Slow-Burn.

Wordcount: 1,929

Summary: The first practice with Thor and Loki ensues, much to your dismay. You soon realize that you and Loki as a team are more powerful than you thought possible: however, it leads to the injury of one of the Avengers. 

A/N: I knowwww there has not been Loki x Reader as much. Try to remember, this is a slow-burn and Dagger is still mourning! It pains me too! If you need to read the previous chapter, please do so here: Chapter I.

Waking up in the morning, you were dreading your practice with Loki and Thor. You had barely slept from the anxiety, even with going to bed early. You decided to start getting ready for your day, which included showering, and doing your skincare and hair. You opted out of makeup for the time being, given the soon sweaty environment. You crafted a long, dutch braid along the center of your head, which would commonly hold up in the practice room and in battle. You dressed in a sleek, tight jumpsuit that would promote easy movement, along with some boots. 

You waltzed down the hallway, then followed closely by Loki, who jogged to catch up with you. Oddly enough, it wasn’t exactly to force you into conversation. It was more so in order to relieve himself of the sight of your taut asscheeks and hips swinging from side to side. He had already relieved his morning wood earlier, and he didn’t want to evoke any of his carnal desires before training, especially around you.

Once beside you, Loki greeted you with a soft smile. “Good morning, darling. Ready to spar?” he teased. “Oh boy, am I ever. I’ll let you know, I’m a little rusty.” You mentioned, trying your best to remain positive. “Well, as long as you look like that, darling, I don’t think you’ll have any problems.” He winked. Your breath hitched, and your heart fluttered. 

But what about Cloak? 

Thankfully, Captain Rogers was near, waiting to greet you at the training room door. He was dressed in his training armor, which was drastically similar to his armor out on the field. “Good morning, Y/N, Loki. Tony and I will be overseeing the practice today, just to make sure everything goes well.” Oh thank god. You thought. Steve sent a smile your way, which was easily returned from you. It was hard not to. Loki’s stomach began bubbling in anger, but he was quickly able to force it to subside. Mine.

No no, stop Loki. She’s not yours. She’s in mourning. Don’t force her into anything. 

“Looking forward to it, Captain.” Something in the way you addressed Rogers sent Loki’s emotions spiraling again. No no no. 

You all entered the training room, where Thor and Tony were waiting. “Alright kids. It’s party time.” Tony announced. “Given that we know absolutely nothing of the nature of…” Tony gestured to yourself and Loki “you two. Cap and I will be spectating safely from the encased balcony above, but will intervene only if necessary. Okay?” 

“Okay.” You, Thor, and Loki all answered at once. 

“To start, we’re going to have Loki and Y/N team up, to see what the extent of this connection entails.” Tony continued. 

Connection. You didn’t exactly know how to feel about that word. Whatever you and Loki “had” was definitely… different. You still didn’t know how to feel in regard to it. But you had a feeling that your feelings would be clarified after practice today, at least a little bit. You would both finally have some answers. 

Loki caught your eyes, giving you a curt nod and a slight smile. You nodded back, suppressing your own smile. Trying your best to, at least. Loki caught on, and smiled to himself. He did want to impress you with his powers, but he also knew that his brother was powerful. Typically, Thor was the more well-known god, due to his flaunting about with his hammer, his lightning, and of course, the thunder. Loki had his… mischief. The magic could definitely come in handy, especially with creation of his duplicates. He also wondered if your powers would enhance his. Or his, yours? 

“Just, wait until Tony and I are out of the way, we know you’re all very powerful.” Cap spoke, sending a wink your way. He and Tony started up the stairs, while yourself, Loki and Thor all stood waiting. Thor was wielding Mjolnir, who you had yet to see the full effect of. Loki, in the midst, had tripled himself. One remained in Loki’s original place, one behind Thor (which Thor had yet to notice) and one behind yourself, which you definitely did notice. You nearly jumped, which caused your blades to press through the skin between your fingers, which you immediately noticed.

Your daggers tended to appear during dangerous situations, and given the light scare that Loki had given you. Loki’s attention was focused solely on you, as well as the adorable little jump you displayed after seeing himself behind you. He was jealous that it wasn’t him, and wished he had swapped places with that duplicate. 

You were quite the precious mortal, weren’t you? 

“Feel free to begin!” Tony shouted, and in a flash of a moment, Thor launched Mjolnir at you, which you quickly ducked from, followed by the Loki behind you. Though, it would have just gone right through him anyways. Right? 

As the hammer boomeranged back to Thor, you shot a dagger at him, which he also dodged. You began to approach Thor, with the intent to utilize your daggers close range. Loki followed close behind, with his own daggers wielded. 

Instead of this, however, Thor utilized Mjolnir to hurdle Loki backward. 

No! You heard your thoughts wail at you. “Loki!” You shouted, instinctively throwing one of your daggers at him, which caused Mjolnir to ricochet off of Loki and into the wall instead, while the blade itself landed in Loki’s chest, replenishing him of the previously lost momentum. He appeared next to you once again in a mere second, as you launched onto Thor’s shoulders, attacking him with your blades. He became woozy, but was still able to lure Mjolnir back to him, which effectively knocked you off of him. Loki caught you, which, to your surprise, hurled you both into the air like a rocket.

Both light and dark green magic surged behind you as you were propelled together across the room. Before you knew it, you were traveling back towards Thor, like you had both placed a target on him. Thor tried to launch Mjolnir, but it quickly deflected off of you both. 

Loki’s touch was magical in more ways than one. The air that carried you was animalistic, almost hungry to strike Thor down. You made eye contact with the god that held you, smiling at him. To your surprise, he was doing the same at you before you even noticed. You watched a gleam of green course across Loki’s eyes, and suddenly, you hit Thor.

You hardly even noticed the impact, from how the magic had encased yourself and Loki. 

When you landed, however, was when the consequences began. Thor was down. He laid unconscious on the ground, pallor consuming his body. “Thor!” You shouted, with no response. In an accelerated fashion, Tony and Steve made their way down to the arena. You ran to Thor, Loki following close behind. “Medical!” Tony yelled, prompting a surge of personnel into the space. 

〰//  ▬ʃ════▻   ⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆   ◅════ʅ▬  \\〰

Thor was placed into the medical bay of the facility, while yourself and Loki stood in the doorway. You tried to stay out of the way as the professionals worked their… magic. 

“What did I do?” You asked suddenly. Loki went to comfort you, but spoke “we, darling. We.” 

“Loki, for gods’ sake! It’s not a good thing! Your brother is unconscious and severely injured.” 

Shit. Loki thought. I should not have said that. 

“Darling, Dag- I’m sorry. Please.” But you were already gone. You swiftly retreated to your corridors, anxious for some alone time now. Or, perhaps, for a while. You weren’t fond of the profound impact that yours and Loki’s magic together had. I mean, you hand single-handedly - double-handedly - taken out a literal god. Well, Loki was also a god. 

You skipped out on both lunch and dinner, you were fairly exhausted from the usage of your newfound powers, as well as the emotional toll of mourning Cloak, feeling connected to Loki, and your said connection to Loki inflicting damage to Thor. 

A little after both meals, you heard a knock at your door, which was followed by the slight tap of a ceramic plate outside the door. Someone was leaving meals for you. They were quite delicious, actually. What you could eat, anyways. Your brain was flooded with emotions, and you could hardly focus on anything other than them. 

〰//  ▬ʃ════▻   ⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆   ◅════ʅ▬  \\〰

It was later in the evening that you heard another knock at your door. “Y/N?” You heard Steve’s voice on the other side. You approached, somehow glad that you weren’t going to be faced with Loki. You were greeted by the Captain, who was immediately weary of his words due to your appearance. You were slightly disheveled, your braid had started to separate from its form, and the look on your face was less than pleasant. “Hey- I’m sorry. I’m really exhausted after today.” You spoke, looking into Steve’s sympathetic eyes. 

“No worries at all, Y/N. I understand how this must be making you feel. I just came to see if there was anything you needed, even if it was just someone to listen.” 

“How’s Thor?” 

“He’s okay, in critical but stable condition, according to the Docs. Still unconscious.” 

“This was the absolute last thing I wanted to happen.” You spoke, bringing yourself towards him to bury yourself in his chest. He settled his arms around your back, steadily running his hands along your torso. “I know.”

Yet again, across the hallway, Loki lingered. He watched as you buried yourself in the Captain’s chest, with an incredulous amount of jealousy building in his own chest. He was the one who left meals at the door for you, and yet? Here you were, getting comfort from the Captain, yet again. 

His blood boiled. He nearly ran into the room to disband the sight.

No no Loki. Not now. 

Amidst the vision he saw in front of him, he heard the Captain say: “I know. I know you’d never mean to truly hurt Thor. You’re a healer of your own, in your soul.” 

Suddenly, you disbanded from one another, as an idea popped into your head. Healer. Yes! That had to be it! You could heal Thor, utilizing your life force! 

“Thank you, Cap! I couldn’t have done it without you.” You smiled, regaining your energy from earlier. You gave his arms a squeeze before you ran out of the room, towards the medical bay. 

Loki followed close behind, although you didn’t know it yet.

〰//  ▬ʃ════▻   ⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆   ◅════ʅ▬  \\〰

You hurried to the med bay where Thor was staying, unconscious. You were reminded that it was your own doing that he was injured so terribly. 

You pulled up a chair next to him, leaning over his kindled body. You sighed, as images of yourself and Loki charging into Thor flooded your mind. You and Cloak never did anything of the sort. 

But maybe that was because you couldn’t. 

What you knew you were capable of doing, however? Healing. 

You lifted Thor’s gown so that you could reveal his abdomen, which looked painfully singed. Placing one hand down on his skin, you began to feel your blood pulsating. A flash of white magic raged between your palm and his stomach. 

Your life force was slowly being drained in order to heal the god, until the room beamed with bright light. Suddenly, it all went dark. Black. The last thing you remembered was hearing your name shouted from across the room “Y/N!”

>>> Chapter III

Taglist: @lotrefcp

[freckledjoes]

Munson mornings

Friday - March 21st, 1986

It was one of those rare days where Wayne had worked an afternoon shift, meaning that he had had plenty of sleep before he sat down at the kitchen table in their trailer. He knew it would take Eddie about an hour or more before he'd wake up from his slumber, probably grasping at some honey combs before he'd rush out the door, mumbling something along the lines of "Missed first period, what's new." with his mouth still full. Wayne would then look at the crumbs on the doormat and consider that a task for another day.

However, today was a different day for both Munsons, it seemed, as Wayne heard Eddie trashing about in his room, loudly complaining about being unable to find something, much earlier than he was used of him. At one point he let out a happy yell, meaning that he'd probably found what he was looking for, and then possibly stubbed his toe in excitement, judging by all of the swearing that immediately followed after. His door opened, the bathroom door following and not much later Wayne could hear the shower.

Seeing as his nephew would probably have considerable time to get to school, he figured he could make them some eggs on toast, a little treat right before the weekend. It wasn't until Eddie stepped out of the shower that he realized that Wayne was home.

"You're home? Why aren't you asleep?"

"Afternoon shift."

"Oh. Eggs?"

"If you wanna."

"Sure. Can you—"

"Already done it."

Wayne had prepared Eddie's plate just how he liked it, with the eggs cut perfectly to fit on the toast, and the other bits on the side so he could eat those as a "snack". Eddie got dressed first, left the towel around his neck for his dripping curls and added a tiny bit of eyeliner to his eyes. As Eddie sat down, Wayne could immediately tell he was excited about something by the way his features contrasted his usual morning expression drastically. That meant four options.

One: He had a date (unlikely)

Two: Some kind of good drug deal coming up (possible, but Eddie usually didn't really talk about that stuff around his uncle)

Three: He had a gig (it wasn't Tuesday)

Four: Anything related to his D&D campaign (bingo)

"Those little shits have no idea what's coming," Eddie said with a slight evil grin right before taking a bite of his toast, groaning at the taste of it.

"Campaign night?"

"Uh-huh. I've got the dungeon all set up. There are so many traps, but there are two things that could help them out if they know where to look. Dustin will probably try but I bet Mike's gonna rush them into their deaths without blinking. Him and probably Gareth. See, there's this, let's call him "demon guy" for your sake, and he's gonna be waiting right here," Eddie grabbed some dry crackers that he wasn't planning to eat and used them to lay out a part of the dungeon map he'd been working on the past few weeks. Wayne followed his movements, watched how Eddie broke tiny pieces off the crackers to emphasize that one bit had a rounded corner, and stacked some honey combs to show the position of "demon guy" while also popping a few of them into his mouth as he explained further.

Eddie went on and on, eggs on toast almost forgotten until Wayne wordlessly nudged his plate so he'd remember and would take a bite out of it in between. Wayne watched him fondly, cherishing the light he recognized in Eddie's eyes, a light that seemed a rare occurence nowadays. He hoped that graduating would work out this year, so Ed could stop beating himself up about it. Maybe he could get himself a job as a mechanic, he seemed to like working on his van. Or perhaps something backstage, with lights or music, so that he could be involved in that industry even if he hadn't made it big himself just yet. Wayne knew he was meant for big things. He had the drive for it, just needed the confidence.

"Wayne? Are you listening? This part is crucial."

"What did I tell ya about chewing with your mouth open, boy?" Wayne sighed half-heartedly as crumbs landed everywhere on the table. Eddie gave him an apologetic smile (full of food) and tapped impatiently on a piece of honey comb that now represented a summoning circle.

"So this is where..."

Wayne didn't mean to, he really didn't, but he lost track the second Eddie started talking. Maybe being distracted was a Munson trait, who knew. He smiled fondly and took in all his gestures, enjoying the quiet morning with his nephew who was the opposite of quiet. It was nice, having him around. It always had been, even throughout puberty where he hadn't always been easy. He would always be his boy, a young man ahead of his old man in many ways.

As Eddie finished his breakfast and went back into his room to grab his stuff for the campaign that evening, Wayne decided he should ask Eddie about the campaign the next day. He couldn't wait to see hear how his clever nephew made those kids twist and turn. Eddie was a great storyteller, and his own story was only just beginning.

—

This was a vague idea that popped up in my brain, which I shared with @stevesxyellowxsweater, basically thanks to Joseph mentioning a dinner scene (I think it was dinner? I'm forgetful - anyway I turned it into breakfast) between Eddie and Wayne would've been nice.

It's a little painful, in retrospect, but that's the duffelbags' fault not mine :)) Anyway hope you like? I rarely post writings sooo yeah.

[fatuismooches]

Just a little idea about dottore and fragile reader (i know this wont ever happen but its fun to imagine because i like angst 😭)

What if one of his experiments to cure you failed? An impact causing you to lose the appearance you once had leaving you sacred and marked full of injuries... Leading to even more restless nights about belittling yourself alone and with dottore, that'll you'll never fully return to who you were physically and mentally..

-🤠

Dottore's experiments on you were always done with the intent to help you, to cure you, to alleviate the pain from your symptoms (very different from the norm.) Sometimes they worked, sometimes they did nothing, sometimes they had the opposite effect. But your doctor was always able to work through whatever happened. And though it was a lot to deal with, you pushed through it, because he was still trying too. Until this particular instance. Dottore still doesn't exactly know what happened, but the effect on your body was far worse than even he could have ever predicted. Drastic measures had to be taken to return you to a semi-stable state.

When you wake up and look at yourself for the first time in the mirror, you can hardly recognize yourself. You were never that confident in your appearance, but now, with all the scars along your body, you can hardly see yourself in a positive light anymore. You don't want to look at yourself, much less let Dottore and the segments look at you. You don't want them to look at you, before they realize how unsightly you are. They try to reach out to you, wrap their arms around you, and nuzzle their face into the crook of your neck like before, but you quickly dismiss them and slip away from their touch, no longer able to bear it. When he catches you crying about it, he can't even hold you, because the feeling of him touching you makes you upset. Because how can he still love you or your body, when you can't even bear the sight of it?

You hate yourself even more now, and Dottore despises that he's the reason why.

[veliseraptor]

So there's a poll that crossed my dash (https://www.tumblr.com/lansplaining/739863989923856384/in-a-time-travel-situation-to-save-himself-jgy if you're curious) about what JGY would do if he traveled back in time. There's lots of incredible but totally dissenting ideas in the notes, and now I really want your perspective. JGY dies in Guanyin Temple and wakes up in the past: what's his game plan?

oh man this is an interesting question! and so much of it is "it depends", particularly on "where in the past does he end up."

I think the first answer is actually to a certain extent "freeze and despair" because the thing is that from Jin Guangyao's perspective, he's never had a whole lot of options. His mistakes - or at least, the things that got him in trouble - look like, if not inevitabilities, a question of "what could I have done that would've been better?", at least at (his own) first impression. I think a lot of the time he makes the choices he makes because he feels cornered into them. He kills Nie Mingjue because otherwise he will die. Whether he was directly responsible for Rusong's death or not (I tend to think not, but I also think the text is deliberately ambiguous), it's a matter of preserving what little reputation he has (and MDZS tells us, repeatedly, that reputation can be the difference between life and death). The incest is thoroughly accidental and, once it's done, fairly inescapable without severely damaging both his own reputation (not an insignificant matter) and that of Qin Su, who he cares for deeply; once he knows he does what he can by ceasing to be intimate with Qin Su.

The only thing that I think is definitely not about feeling cornered is Jin Guangshan's death, which is far more personal; but there is also the consideration that if he doesn't kill Jin Guangshan he is quite probably going to be pushed out, one way or another. I don't remember if it's explicit or not, but Jin Guangshan's bringing in of Mo Xuanyu isn't not a threat that Jin Guangyao is replaceable.

So I think Jin Guangyao, back in time, looks at his options and thinks what am I supposed to do that won't end in disaster, when part of what doomed me was what I am (my mother's son), in and of itself.

He can try to stay in Nie Mingjue's good graces, but that means submitting himself to abuse from Nie subordinates and accepting his "place" with the Nie, which he doesn't want. If he never works as a spymaster for Wen Ruohan, then he never has the means to gain status, and if he works as spymaster for Wen Ruohan then he gains Nie Mingjue's suspicion if not enmity, which is likely to spiral rapidly both because of Nie Mingjue's inevitable deterioration and their drastic differences in perspective in general. If Jin Guangyao ends up with the Jin, he ends up having to do the same things that make Nie Mingjue so angry with him on behalf of his father, because it's not like he can say no. If he kills his father, he might have a chance, but he's also then committed a crime that if anyone discovers it will earn him universal approbation and has to live in fear of that for the rest of his life, intensified by his previous experiences/trauma from the former timeline. If he tries to make sure Nie Mingjue dies in the war, that's risky in itself, because if he is implicated even slightly in it he's also doomed.

Then, if he's only traveled back in time to when he's already joined the Jin after the Sunshot Campaign, it's even worse: he's already in a bad position with Nie Mingjue, who is going to become a (at least potential) threat to his life, but killing Nie Mingjue triggers Nie Huaisang's revenge. Killing Nie Huaisang is maybe an option but he would have to get away with it and that's intensely risky, and not something I know that he necessarily wants to do.

(I think he would kind of like to kill Nie Huaisang. I think he is very angry with Nie Huaisang. Definitely not going to be getting close to him at all, and I think would cut him off from any personal connection as politely as possible. Imagine how Nie Huaisang would feel about this with no understanding as to why, it's fun.)

If he doesn't do anything - leaves Jin Guangshan alive, leaves Nie Mingjue alive, leaves Nie Huaisang alive - he might be able to get through it alive. But from his perspective (at least) I think there's decent odds that Nie Mingjue would kill him, or at least a significant risk of it - if nothing else, because Nie Mingjue is going to lose control eventually and Jin Guangyao is a frequent target of his anger even when he is under control. And even if that doesn't happen, again, there's likelihood that he will have to live under his father's oppressive thumb for a long time, knowing that he's, not even hated, but just worthless to him. Knowing that his mother was worthless to him, and feeling, I think, that by being filial to his father he's betraying her. If Jin Guangshan doesn't just kick him out of the sect with nowhere to go.

I do think that while there's a part of Jin Guangyao that could, maybe, accept a low status as a means to survive (and I don't know that he would have anything but a low status in any other sect but the Jin; even his killing of Wen Ruohan doesn't earn him general respect), I think he would be miserable, and always resent it. I think that would feed into the despair, too: that this is his fate, that all his struggle and striving was for nothing and this is all he can do if he wants to live. That there was never any place for him in the world.

and taken all together this is why time travel fix-its where things are different because "Jin Guangyao just [whatever]" kind of drive me a little nuts, both from a logical and a character perspective. I'm not saying it's impossible. just that it's very difficult, and there's not a lot of pathways to happiness for my boy on his own without help - and where is he going to get help? just like the first time around, he's on his own.

[syndrossi]

In the reverborate AU where Rhea dies and Rhaenyra is married to Daemon and gets her college arc, I headcanon she would get advice and help from tiny Jon Snow - 'Kill the Girl, Princess Rhaenyra. Kill the Girl and let the woman be born.' And if she also gives birth to her first born Daenerys, she also eventually gets advice from her own infant daughter. Because they both already went through their own college arcs!

She goes to Rhaegar. 'Do YOU have any advice?'

Rhaegar, who grew up in the court of Aerys with Tywin as Hand: Nope :) Would you care for a song in these trying times?

See, I'm not sure whether Jon would give "kill the girl" advice. Killing the boy is something that still haunts him, because of how much family doing so took from him. He even resolves in Resonant that he's going to put his family first from now on (we'll see how well he can keep to that, given his sense of responsibility). He's even turned it into a refrain of guilt in Resonant, thinking he's "killed" Jon Redfort in taking his place.

And being reborn as an infant is going to have a much more drastic effect on Jon and Rhaegar than waking up as seven-year-olds. There will be some regressing, and then spurts of maturity, oscillating back and forth. Some things will be buried because a baby can't quite deal with them, and surface later. Which means Jon will get to reclaim some of that boy through sheer virtue of being loved and treasured. Does he want to give that up? Would he want to urge anyone else to? When he is much older, and Rhaenyra perhaps wavering in something, he might intervene and advise her to make the tough decision, but college-arc!Rhaenyra might already be better equipped to make those choices on her own!

That said, Jon and Dany would make for excellent advisors, especially next to Daemon's hotheadedness. (He's great at some things, but diplomacy and taking a measured approach aren't among them.) Rhaegar too, for all that he lacks Jon and Dany's wartime experience. Rhaegar's concern will always be avoiding such things.

Honestly, Rhaegar is in many ways Rhaenyra's best possible advisor for building support to successfully claim her birthright. He was the crown prince, with a father who denied him opportunities to assert his position for a very different reason (aka paranoia), but he still sought them out and understood what to do in order to win over the lords of the realm. Jon and Dany's experience is almost entirely in making the tough calls in extreme times (war, end-of-the-world-shenanigans, fighting-for-your-life). But you can't apply all of those to peacetime, which requires a gentler touch.

Dany is probably the closest to a middle-ground you can get between Jon and Rhaegar. She had to make some very tough calls as a ruler, vs Jon's tough decisions as a commander. I see her as invaluable for when Rhaenyra is ruling. She has a perspective on maintaining a position of strength/respect among people who see her as weaker because she is a woman.

The fires that Jon, Dany, and Rhaegar were all forged in left their marks, built them into tools for different jobs. So ultimately they all have something they can offer Rhaenyra; it comes down to what the situation ends up being. (In the event of a Dance, leverage the heck out of Jon and Dany's advice, and use Rhaegar for the diplomatic overtures. In a peaceful transition, lean hard on Dany and Rhaegar and when Jon tells you to take a look up North, definitely listen.)

[raayllum]

Love as a Strength and Weakness in 5x08

Re: Callum drawing love from strength vs love never been an unequivocal good in TDP (written post-S4).

Let's talk, briefly, about love as a strength and a weakness in 5x08, as the episode highlights this dichotomy very well. To begin, we have Callum and Finnegrin's differing viewpoints on it, specifically:

C: See? So long as we protect each other, so long as we love each other, you can never control us.

F: All that talk about how love makes you stronger, but the second you see that elf girl in pain, you completely lost yourself.

And to a certain degree, they're both right. Callum's epiphany of "You don't control anything" is something that applies to both Callum and Finnegrin because it's the innermost truth of the arcanum they now both share.

Callum's love for Rayla allows him to be controlled, shown when he gives up the spell (and by doing dark magic).

But it's also what sets him free from Finnegrin's (immobilization) blood freezing spell. Love here is why Finnegrin is also ultimately unable to control him, too.

However, I want to talk more specifically about the hands in Finnegrin's Wake (yes, again, because there's still more to talk about) in regards to the epiphany scene in particular with more detail than I gave it in the linked meta a few lines above. Let's look at the framing, shall we?

When Finnegrin first gives Callum the rattle snake tail (a literal warning sign that Callum is goaded and then does crush out of desperation), we see Callum clasp his wrist, like a chain, and the shot of his palm open wide.

We get a similar open hand shot as he starts to connect to the Ocean arcanum, thereby showing his acceptance of being willing to use dark magic to save Rayla (and his loved ones) is indeed crucial to him unlocking the Ocean arcanum. Rayla is likewise highlighted because she was on the one tethered to this poem earlier on in the season (x2). Callum mimics the crushing of the slug as the final physical / metaphysical stage required for the magic to take hold.

And, rather symbolically, the dark storm we saw at first as well as the rain begins to fade. The light comes out and the chaos recedes. He's weathered the storm and come out drastically changed for it, but him unlocking the Ocean arcanum is strength and is a positive: it allows him to free himself. It brings back the light. It's tethered to Love.

But the episode doesn't end on a triumphant note, because it's not interested in easy answers or straight forward paths. Instead, it's interested in dualities and dark sides, and that Callum's love for her will unlock both great things - and terrible ones.

And so again, we return to the hand clasp - the metaphorical chain - because as much as love has given him strength and having Rayla in his life is worth it to Callum, it's still not without its complications ("Now you're back: that's kind of good, and it's kind of bad" / "We have to hold pain and love in our hearts at the same time"). She makes him strong and supports and loves him, but she's also his weakness and leaves him worryingly exploitable, if only to his own nerves and reservations.

And, y'know, probably Aaravos' plans, too.

[space-helen]

Pressure

Words: 706

Pairing: Jim Kirk x Reader

A/N:  I’ve kinda gone a different way but I hope this is ok! Sorry for taking a second to post!

Request: Hey!! I was coming by to do some boops and I saw your post saying requests are open! No stress if you've since closed them, but if you're still taking some, then how about some fluffy AoS Kirk? Maybe when they're all still at Starfleet Academy, like studying or getting up to trouble or something in that realm? No pressure if you're not vibing with it for whatever reason! Thanks for the boops 😄💗💗 - @captainsophiestark

______________________

You flopped onto your bed as Jim followed you into your room. “I can’t actually believe that they’ve set us another exam.” you brought your hands up to your eyes and covered them “I don’t think I can physically take anymore.”

The man looked at you sympathetically and sat on the bed beside you “It’s getting intense.”

You groaned “I just wish they’d back off slightly. I knew it’d be hard work but this is ridiculous.”

The man nodded “You do take more extra classes than the average person though Y/N. You might want to consider-”

“But I’m interested in all areas.” you removed your hands and sat up to look at the man.

“I get that. I really do. I even admire it. I don’t think they expect people to take as many extra classes as you do. Even though I’m feeling the pressure, you have double, if not triple, the work because of the extra classes you take.” he said matter of factly whilst keeping his sympathetic expression. 

You mulled it over and could feel a heaviness hit you. “I’m just so used to doing everything. I don’t know what to stop.”

“They expect you to be specializing by now. Here, let's forget about it for now and make the decision another time.”

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes from nowhere and quickly tried to wipe them away without him noticing.

“Y/N don’t cry.” he said softly and reached his arm around you to pull you into his side. He gave you a comforting hug and rubbed your arm up and down “It’ll be ok. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed sometimes.” 

You nodded and he released you slightly. “Let's get some food and then we’ll work together to make a plan and start the work alright?”

You agreed to the man and watched as he stood up “You wait here and make a list of everything we need to do. I’ll grab us food and snacks.”

You did as you were told. Quickly changing into comfier clothes you began to make a list of all of the upcoming tests and assignments you had due in. Once Jim arrived back the two of you ate before settling back onto your bed ready to work. The man grabbed a nearby blanket and wrapped you in it playfully. “Since you’re always cold and will just complain in ten minutes time.” he joked.

Grabbing you work the two of you were quickly able to come up with a plan on when to train, practice and study the material you had to go through. As you spoke it quickly became evident on what classes you preferred over others and started to make a positives and negatives list of each class. Jim advising you on future opportunities as you did so.

“I really hope we get a job on the same ship.” Jim spoke up as he squeezed squeezed you to his side. You weren’t sure when you’d sat side by side against your headboard with his arm around you but you weren’t going to complain, it felt natural.

“I hope so too.” you agreed as you leaned into him more, tiredness taking over.

The man continued to sort through lists and content as you watched, leaning your head on him fully you could feel your eyes getting heavier before they fell closed entirely.

The man hadn’t realised you’d fallen asleep until he’d asked you a question and had no reply. Looking down he could see how content you were. Tucking the blanket around you more he quickly tidied everything away on the beside table the best he could without waking you or moving drastically from his position. 

Once done he gently brushed the hair out of your face and smiled, his eyes exploring your face before relaxing into a comfortable position. For a moment he let his mind flicker to the future. You were his best friend and if that was all it was going to be he was ok with that, but if it was something more he’d be happy with that too. All he knew is that he wanted you in his life and couldn’t imagine a world without knowing you.

Tag List: (open) All: @perasperaadastrawriting @asgards-princess-of-mischief @trippol-threat @captainsophiestark 

Star Trek: @heyitsaloy  @angel-with-wings-castiel @starfleet-imagines @captainsophiestark @perasperaadastrawriting @butchers-girl

[wandringaesthetic]

OVERTHINKING 30 SECONDS OF ALUCARD CASTLEVANIA:

I deliberately spoiled myself for whether he would be showing up before I started watching because I didn't want to disappoint myself if he didn't. So I saw this screenshot out of context and was like "no, put him back." He looks a bit too smooth and cherubic. Doll-like and a bit too feminine.

In context it's not so bad, in profile the change isn't so drastic and I think it's more that they have him exceedingly pale and that flattens out all of his shading than that they changed his facial shape much. Some of this is also just the slight difference in art style. Lines are lighter and more sketchy here and we don't have as much dark dark shading.

I expected that he would probably have white/gray hair a la Symphony of the Night and he does. A lot of the Ayame Kojima artwork he looks more pale blond but I most people playing the game interpret that sprite as having gray or white hair.

Also like Symphony of the Night, he's got a cravat. All laced up to the chin versus loose, low necked shirt or walking shirtless scene in Series 1

I always guessed that they had his first appearance like this to confirm beyond a doubt that the long haired pretty person was male so foreign language markets wouldn't be tempted to change his gender. And also I guess let's show off that scar.

ANYWAY. I always interpreted Alucard's silvery SotN hair as an expression of age/weariness/grief. He's canonically been taking a dirt nap for a while, right? An expression of the fact (?) that he hasn't been feeding. Homeboy is anemic.

By the way, it's never really made clear in Castlevania the animation whether Alucard needs to drink blood. I always assumed that he did at least sometimes. In part, because of this:

He has a confidence here that says to me that this is not the first time he has lunged after someone's throat.

Also it looks like the coffin apparatus he rises out of when he's introduced is feeding him blood somehow.

[He also eats food obviously, from his foraging and cooking montages in S3. my fanon interpretation of this is that he needs some of both but not as much blood as a full vampire would need and not as much food as a full human would need. He can survive a long time (probably a very very long time) without either but he'd suffer for it]

Some Castlevania vampires have more inhuman features than others. I'm speculating on this being more true the more old/powerful the vampire. Drolta's black sclera, Dracula's ridiculous height, Olrox's glowing eyes, etc. So the white/silver hair (and the 'is he glowing or is he REALLY white' complexion) might be an expression of Alucard aging and coming into his powers. Because a lot of our Castlevastle vampires are paper white but not all.

Him being laced to the chin versus tits out implies a more closed personality. Maturity, perhaps. Less emotional and sexual availability.

(In the first season he just woke up so you can't blame him for not wearing a shirt. In season 4 the shirtlessness is a Choice.)

I would say "please, someone fuck this man" but we all know how that went.

IIRC, in games canon he went immediately to sleep after Castlevania III and then didn't wake up until Symphony of the Night. This implies some self hatred and maybe depression. Feeling like you're something that shouldn't exist but being unable to easily self terminate and/or sticking around just in case you need to fight a monster worse than you.

Animated Alucard doesn't seem to have that level of self hatred. In series 1, he seems to identify more as a vampire than as a human (his comment about being less than excited about the Belmont hold because it's a museum dedicated to the extermination of his people) and doesn't seem to think that existing as a vampire is wrong in and of itself. In fact he seems to have some pride in vampires as preservers of knowledge even after the events of season 2. ALSO, his relationship with his father seems more positive in the animation than in the games. In the animation, he loves and respects his father up until the point he decides to exterminate all humans. In the games it seems like that father son relationship was more fraught and possibly more distant.

HOWEVER. If his kill count really is in the thousands, that makes me believe that not only has he been awake most of the last 300 years, he's spent most of that time killing vampires and that he may have started killing vampires generally rather than just those making problems. Even if he hasn't come to the conclusion of "all vampires must die and then when I have finished my grim work I shall die too" if he has been hunting and killing vampires for SO LONG he has to have started seeing them, and the parts of himself that are like them, as the problem.

I don't love that kind of moral absolutism, but. In Castlevania we have (correct me if I'm wrong) two morally ambiguous vampires (Dracula and Olrox) and the rest are evil. Castlevania the animation seems to not come down on the side that vampires are soulless monsters, but the overwhelming majority are evil. I think it would go against the series core to argue that vampires aren't people or can't be good people, or that you get one choice and that determines your whole life and impact on the world going forward (how Christian of you--also, a lot of them didn't get a choice!) But the fact remains that vampires have a strong incentive to view human beings as not really being people.

Alucard MIGHT be choosing to abstain from blood and that MIGHT be why he's so pale he glows. Drink your juice, Alucard. Take care of yourself.

I don't love the idea of Alucard being so self hating because I love him and I want what's best for him, but I have to admit that this kind of self hatred is what makes Symphony of the Night Alucard and most notable dhampir characters compelling. A monster fighting worse monsters. A cursed, bastard existence that nonetheless gives you great power. Choosing to do good even though you yourself are damned. Being constantly on the verge of a fall, of awful temptation, of becoming the thing you hunt. Fighting for a world that has no place for you in it.

LASTLY. As a Trephacard shipper. In animation canon he probably AT LEAST stayed awake for more or less a human lifetime. With Sypha and Trevor, in whatever capacity. Undeniably, he loved them. But there are ways that might contribute to the self hatred. It would have distanced him from the vampire part of his identity. I keep thinking of the fact that Trevor corrects Alucard ONCE when he refers to Dracula as "my father" and Alucard refers to him as "Dracula" for the rest of the series. I keep thinking about him staring at the cabinet of vampire skulls in the Belmont hold and Trevor and Sypha both seeming to not really notice. It would be tempting to minimize or fight against that part of his identity. He might feel like he has no place with them if he doesn't.

(AND THAT'S NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE FACT THAT DRAC IS ALIVE NOW. I have no idea how they're going to choose to deal with that, but I have trouble imagining Alucard and Dracula having a positive relationship going forward. That might even contribute to Alucard feeling like he had to choose.)