#and using he pronouns in a way feels like im erasing her for some reason

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

im like if a girl was a boy

[rosenclaws]

Come back (erased part ii) || Logan Howlett x Reader

summary: Logan doesn't remember you but he can sense you. He can tell you were someone important so when the team hatches a plan to find you he's the one leading the charge.

warnings: she/her pronouns, violence, killing, blood, reader gets hit/threatened, mental torture, injuries, logan goes feral, illusions.

wc: 3.5k

link to part 1

a/n: Part two is here!! Finally omfg im sorry this took so long. I hope this is a good part two i had a fun time writing the angst and stuff. It maybe ended a little darker than I meant but oh welll. We love some angst. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

The sound of the grandfather clock echoes in Logan's ears. The faint sound of students walking around the halls, playing outside. All drowned out by the clock. The heart necklace sits in his palm, his rough fingers tracing the shape over and over again.

When Logan had gotten back to the mansion he was bombarded with questions. All about a person he had never heard of. He grew angry and confused, wondering who they were talking about. It wasn't until he saw the look on all their faces that he realized something was wrong.

Memory wiped. He was fucking memory wiped again. Charles tried to explain it all but his brain went fuzzy. He tried to restore them but whatever you had done was too powerful. Only faint distant feelings. They tried to jog his memories with pictures but nothing worked. Whoever you were you were, you and him were close.

He's got a look on his face that he doesn't even recognize. One of pure adoration. The stories they tell, it was like hearing stories of someone else. He went through his room. He could smell this faint vanilla scent. The same one from the motel room. It was you. He was with you. But just who are you?

He turns the heart around in his hands. It’s faintly familiar. He closes his eyes and tries to wrack his brain for anything. Just something. There's a gaping hole in his chest, a sense of dread and something lost. A surge of anger takes over him as he shoves the necklace back in his pocket. He feels helpless and confused and he fucking hates it.

They're planning something in Chuck's office and they kicked him out. Why he doesn't know. They're planning a rescue for you and apparently he was the most important person to you so why wouldn't he be in there. Even if he doesn't remember. He should be in there. He stands up and barges through the doors, not caring anymore.

"Tell me what the hell is going on. Now." He stands with his arms crossed, a scowl on his face.

"Logan..." Jean starts but he brushes her off.

"I don't fucking care if I don't remember her just fucking tell me the mission." They team exchange looks and Logan resists the urge to roll his eyes. He's not a child. Whether he remembers you or not you were important to him and to the team. He needs to get you back.

"The mutant group, apparently she knew of them. She used to work with them years ago before any of us knew her." Charles explains and Logan listens. His hands tightening into a fist.

"We believe that she went after them for reasons we do not know. But what we do know is that they're dangerous. More dangerous than what she remembers." He can feel somethings off. The way the team shifts in their seats. The way Ororo won't even look him in the eyes.

"Logan, we think they have her." Scott says slowly.

"So we go find her."

"It's not that simple-"

"No it really fucking is that simple." Logan growls.

"You all talk about her like she's the heart of the fucking mansion so why am I the one who seems to care the most right now! I can't even remember her!" Logan slams his fist hard onto the table it almost breaks.

Why aren't they as worried as he is? Why don't they seem to care? Silence casts over the room but slowly everyone nods, agreeing with him.

"We leave in 15." He says with such severity that no one argues. Logan turns and leaves. Ready to come and find you.

-

The jet engine hum is the only sound inside. Everyone is quiet. Waiting. Normally Logan hates flying but right now he's too focused on getting you back. His eyes are closed as he tries to pull anything from his head. The faint sound of laughter, the feeling of warmth, the smell of vanilla. All of it was right there. Locked behind a door he couldn't get through. He feels someone sit in the seat next to him.

"What." He growls as he turns the necklace in his hand around and around.

"Are you okay?" It's storms voice. He sighs and opens his eyes.

"Just fine." She's quiet for a moment before she decides to talk.

"We're going to find her Logan." She says with a confidence he just doesn't have.

"You and her, I've never seen two people more meant for each other. She made you happy and you made her feel less alone." He wishes he remembered you.

He really does.

He can't think of all the moments he's been told about or the pictures that have been taken. He doesn't know what it was like to love you or to be loved by you anymore. It kills him. If he was happy, if you made him happy, then he's lost it all. Why would you take that away? From him and from you. Why couldn't you trust him with this?

Even though his memories are gone he can feel this sense of worry building in his chest. He needs you to be okay. He needs to protect you. Fuck he doesn't even remember you but that deep primal urge is still there.

"Five minutes out. Everyone brace for landing." Logan tucks the necklace into his suit, keeping it close to his heart as he unsheathes his claws and waits for landing. He will find you. There's no other option for him.

-

Your whole body ached. After leaving Logan you tracked down Mack and his gang but they had the one up on you. New, powerful mutants. They already knew you were coming the second you had the thought. They ambushed you. Attacked you and rendered you useless. They should have just killed you but Mack wanted to keep you. To lure your team out as a trap.

"They aren't coming." You hiss as he stands in front of you. He's crouching down and grinning.

"I don't know sweetheart, my sources tell me there's someone on the team who is quite fond of you." He brushes your cheek and you recoil in disgust.

"Get your fucking hands off me." He chuckles and one of his followers hit you hard in your leg.

"Feisty. Tell me, is that because of Logan? Did he rub off on you?" Your blood runs cold. If they do anything to him.

"Don't touch him." You lunge at Mack but you're restrained. to the ground. Mack presses his foot onto your throat and his smirk turns into something dark.

"You're funny. Tell you what." He puts more pressure on your neck and you start to see dots in your vision.

"When the Wolverine gets here we'll make him watch you die...and then kill him." Mack laughs and another hard blow to your head sends you into darkness.

You can only hope that Logan stays far, far away from this.

-

He can hear them. Fucking idiots not even trying to hide. They're bragging, laughing. Well they won’t be laughing for long. Logan’s claws gleam under the moonlight as he stalks like an animal.

The plan was to create a diversion while a rescue team goes in to get you. He wasn’t exactly know for his subtlety but no one wanted to argue him being the one to find you. It was a one man rescue team.

The sky rumbles and a loud explosion from far away leads the mutant group away. Logan springs into action. He takes out the few bodyguards around camp with ease.

He finds you alone and unguarded. A sense of relief washing over him as he bends down and scoops you up in his arms. Though he can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. That this was too easy.

“Logan?” Your voice is quiet, broken.

“Hey, we’re gonna get you out of here.” He gently holds you as he looks for a way out.

“No.” You say. Your voice stronger than before. Confusion washes over him as you push him away. The injuries on your body seemed to disappear as the world fades around him.

“You think I want you to save me? I ran away from you Logan. Couldn’t you get the fucking hint?” Your words spit like venom. You were not the person he thought you were.

“It was all a lie, a cover.” His claws come out, teeth baring as his anger grows. But then he catches a whiff of someone unfamiliar. He hears the faint calling of his name.

“Yeah?” He walks closer to you. A taunting look on your face. Without warning he swings his claws right next to your face.

“Tell him that it will take more than a weak illusion to fool me.” Logan whispers in your ear.

Slowly the world he thought was reality melts away. Your tied up, held by force by one of Mack’s followers. Had he given in and swung at you he would have killed you. That must have been their plan. He looks to the side to see a body with three claw marks on the ground.

“Well, you’re smarter than I thought. Well done Wolvie.” He hears a slow clap behind him.

”Fuck off bub,” Logan growls as he holds up his claws. Ready to pounce. He hears the rustling around him. He’s not alone, they’re hiding, waiting.

“It’s a shame really, we would have gotten along great.” Mack smirks as Logan grows angrier.

“Fat fucking chance.” Logan lunges at Mack but he’s tackled to the ground. Held down by some sort of force he can’t fight.

“You may be physically strong but let’s see how you do when someone fucks with your mind. Just like she did.” Logan struggles baring his teeth as he tries to fight out of whatever hold they have him under.

“Stop!” You cry out. Your voice is strained and tears are falling down your cheeks.

“Mack please, just leave him alone.” You fight out of the grip on you with all your strength. Falling to the ground roughly. Your hands are still tied behind your back as you struggle to get up.

“Please don’t hurt him.” Your desperate.

Mack stands up crouches over you. He grabs your face roughly, digging his nails into your face tightly. Logan growls when he sees you wince in pain.

“Aww so cute.” He taunts and throws you to the ground.

“The question is which one of you has the biggest hero complex hm? You left us because you thought we were wrong, evil. You wanted to play hero.”

“What we did was wrong Mack. We hurt innocent people for our own good.” Logan stares at you and you can’t find it in yourself to look him in the eyes.

You can’t bare to see that look of nothing. He doesn’t know who you are and its your fault. But this is for the best. You can get him out of here and he can walk away from you without the pain.

You feel a sharp pain as Mack slaps you hard. “We were surviving!” He yells.

“Why should we care about the world when they don’t care about us!” He takes out a pocket knife and you tense up.

“Get the fuck away from her.” Logan roars and Mack just grins.

With a snap of his fingers one of the other mutants starts to crush Logan. It was a subtle pressure at first but he could feel the discomfort. They were sinking him into the ground. They were going to bury him alive. You can see a flash of panic. He hates that suffocating feeling. So reminiscent of his nightmares.

“Mack please, we were family once.” You beg as you watch Logan struggle. You can’t let them do this to him.

“Stop please!” Mack grabs your face and makes you watch.

“We were but you picked a new family. Now you can watch him suffocate.” Your eyes meet with Logan’s and you start to cry. He’s afraid. Its your fault. This is all your fault.

“I’ll stay! I’ll stay and help you again just let him go!” You cry out. The weight is lifted off Logan and he scrambles to breathe.

“I promise. I won’t fight and I won’t run. Just please, leave him alone.” Mack thinks for a moment, its a tempting offer. Your powers are strong and he was never able to find anyone quite like you.

“No! Logan shouts, he can’t let you do this. Not for him.

“You got yourself a deal. But if you ever try anything. We’ll hunt him down and kill him. Then the rest of your little family.” Your eyes flash with fear and you nod.

Logan’s heart twists as he sees the broken look on your face. You’re condemning yourself to a torturous life for him. When you look at him he feels a horrible feeling. He longs for you. Your eyes are full of a love he’s missing from his life. You love him and he can’t even remember what it was like. Did you calm his nightmares? Keep his deepest secrets? Did you know all his faults and choose to love him anyways? He needs to know. They pick him up and force him onto his knees.

"Tell your team to stay away." Mack wraps his hand around your neck, his knife pressing against your skin, taunting Logan.

"Logan...I love you and I'm sorry." Your voice is raspy as you choke out the words. He needs to know. You smile painfully as Logan just looks at you.

"Go on, run away Wolvie." Mack snarls.

Even in pain your eyes are full of love just looking at him. He was your everything. You love him so much you're willing to sacrifice yourself, your happiness, all of it for him. How? This kind of love...he's never felt this before. He may not remember it all with you but fuck he wants to know what its like. He wants to learn what it was like to be loved by you. He can't let you go. Not when his future happiness is in your hands. The rage builds. He will not leave you. Doesn't matter how much blood will be shed tonight. He will save you.

With a loud roar Logan unsheathes his claws and with all his willpower throws off the weighted feeling. He's like an animal, snarling and growling as he drives his claws into your captors. There's no mercy in the way he takes each and everyone of them out. They try to stop him but when they realize their efforts are futile they start to run.

"Where do you think you're going?" His voice is cold, void of any emotion as he digs his claws deep into someone chest. Mack's confidence fades as he watches Logan's rampage. He grabs you and tries to run. Dragging you along the forest floor.

"Logan!" You shout and he instantly turns around.

On all fours he uses his claws to launch himself towards you. Chasing Mack down like prey. It's really a pity how fast he catches him. At another time he would have enjoyed playing with him, toying with his fear. All the pain he's caused, not just your pain but the innocent people he's ruined. He deserves to pay.

"Not so tough now huh?" Logan stabs him right through the heart.

When he's sure he's dead he stands up, blood soaking his claws. His head turns to you and you freeze. You know he won't hurt you but apart of you worries this is a trick. Another one of Mack's illusions just to fuck with you. Logan gently bends down and cuts you free.

"He's gone sweetheart." Tears start to fall down your cheeks as he scoops you up in his arms.

"I'm sorry I'm so sorry." You babble over and over as Logan holds you tight. You fit just like a puzzle piece into his arms. This feels right. This feels like home. The sound of footsteps sets him on edge but he calms down when he sees the familiar faces of his team.

"Where the hell were you guys?"

-

No one dared bother Logan. They let him take you back to the jet. He held you the whole time. Even when you fell asleep from utter exhaustion he kept you close. He was with you every step of the way. Bringing you to the lab, watching as they run tests and stick needles into your arm. On your recovery bed with the ugly white lights he sat until you woke up. Sometimes you stirred, whining and you sounded afraid.

He wonders what fucked up things Mack made you see. The bruises and scars on your body told only half the story. With each fearful sound he wishes he would have taken longer to kill that bastard. But he's gone now and you seem to calm down when he's with you. Sensing him through your sleep.

The necklace sits in his hand. After he got back he had to make sure it was still with him. It was bloodied now, and had some wear and tear from the past. So he busied himself fixing it up, cleaning it until it shined like new. He doesn't know when or why he bought it for you but clearly it was special. The two stones meant something. He knew they did.

When you finally came to he jumped into action. Calling hank to come check on you while he slipped away to get you water. There was a big fuss, people scolding you for leaving and crying from happiness that you were back. Apologizes poured out of your mouth as you faced your family. Logan hung back and watched you be embraced, be loved. Your powers seemed to settle after this. The fear of touching other people was gone as you hugged people without a second thought. He waited and waited until it was just the two of you.

"Hey there," You can barely look at him as he sits in the plastic chair next to your bed.

"Logan I..." You can't get the words out. How do you even begin to apologize.

You bury your face in your hands but Logan isn't having it. He had a lot of questions but they could wait. He takes your hands away from your face, cupping your chin to make you look at him. Your heart breaks a little when you look into those eyes. He still doesn't know you. Of course, his memories are still gone.

"Why did you come? You don't remember me." You ask him. He risked his life for you, he killed for you. The Logan you knew at the start wouldn't have done that for you. Maybe with the team but to risk all of it alone. Why?

"I don't have to remember you to see you were important to me sweetheart, though I would really like those memories back." Of course.

You never took them from him. If anything you locked them away. You couldn't bring yourself to truly erase yourself from his mind. With a gentle touch you release his memories like a tidal wave. They pour into his brain, flooding his senses as memory after memory flash into his mind. Ending with your final moments together in that motel room.

Your first kiss, you told him you loved him. You took that from him. He should be angry with you. You stole his memories just like they did before but when he opens his eyes there's no anger.

Only love.

He smashes his lips onto yours. Capturing you into a heated kiss. This is what he dreamed of. Getting to touch you like this, to show his love. He's rough with his motions. He should be gentler but he can't help himself. Years of desperation building up into this. He can finally hold you, finally claim you as his.

"Logan I'm so sorry." You cry. He shushes you with another kiss.

He doesn't care about that right now. You were afraid and though he wishes you came to him he's just glad to have you back. You scared the fuck out of him.

"I love you too sweetheart, you didn't give me the chance to say it but fuck I love you." You claw at his shirt to get him closer.

You need him to be as close as he can. He ignores the wires and climbs into the bed with you. Situating himself so that you're as close as you can get. Legs intertwined with each other. He takes the necklace and places it around your neck. Clasping it and smiling as it rests above your heart.

"I'll always fight for us sweetheart. I'll fight for you." Even if he doesn't remember you he knew deep down that there was something there. That you were important to him. No one could take that away from him.

You curl into his arms, finally feeling at peace for the first time. Not worried about your powers or about your past. You felt protected and loved. Logan lulls you back to rest promising to keep watch. He knows that what you suffered won't go away easily but he'll be there every step of the way.

Nothing will take you from him again. Not ever. He'll make sure of that.

[cringefaecompilation]

I know it wasn't the focus of your misogyny post so if I'm overstepping please ignore me, but it also really makes me mad when people "conveniently forget" that Ashton is nonbinary, especially when it justifies their shitty opinions (ie he's One Of The Boys™ so he's always correct and can do no wrong thanks to his male-based intellect unlike the awful evil women or he's an Evil Manipulative Man™ who's going out of his way to use his male-ness to harm these poor innocent helpless women because he said/did anything negative towards them). Like please y'all, they're not a man PLEASE they said their pronouns IN THE FIRST EPISODE PLEASE. Feel free to like/dislike Ashton all you want cause that's perfectly fair, but for the love of god don't be transphobic (especially to be sexist) when you do it??? Is that too much to ask??? Idk if I'm making sense/getting upset at nothing because I've seen a lot of people dismiss this as being silly or getting mad at nothing, but idk as a masc enby a lot of discussions around Ashton feel so gross? Idk though, once again ignore if I'm overstepping or anything

you are not being silly and you are not getting mad at nothing or overstepping. it's a huge problem.

i've seen way more of the former where he is misgendered as a cis male as a positive trait, so i'll be talking more about that. will be reposting my tags about this trend in fandom because i've already said my piece on it.

ashton is "schrodinger's man" to these people when they're bored with ignoring/erasing orym's respect and care towards the women in his life. they're nonbinary and trans when they're being directly defended against fans who only like the women, and they're a cis male who is a victim of violent misandry when complaining about previous drama or shipping laudmo/ore (willing to give the benefit of the doubt that maybe some of that blending is them including cis male actor taliesin jaffe but then again). the idea that shardgate was Feminism Going Too Far is an actual statement that i've seen going around the fandom, and it's gotten worse now with swordgate.

didja know there are people insisting laudna should have been abandoned by the hells or fearne should have gotten "harsher punishment" when her dad nearly killed her because both women did something selfish/impulsive and ashton was yelled at and punished for doing something selfish/impulsive? the They Only Were Upset With Ashton Because He Is A Man argument is so fucking dumb. bro almost nuked himself without telling anybody else and was the only one not forcing the shard down fearne's throat, of course they'd come to blows. and you wanna know why they didn't scream at fearne or laudna? BECAUSE THEY LEARNED TO NOT DO THAT. THEY HAD A THERAPY SESSION SPECIFICALLY TO AVOID DOING THAT SHIT AGAIN

and it really does make it obnoxious because i like him and orym's dynamic but it's so fucking frustrating seeing people make them into bell's hells leaders and Voices Of Reason just so they can say "orym is always correct because dead husband and imogen is a salty selfish bitch" or "ashton is always correct because tough love & street smarts and imogen is just a salty selfish bitch" that it immediately sets off red flags for me if someone says those guys are their favorite bh characters. and it sucks because i love orym and ashton too!

obligatory "both sides though" mention: yes. there are im/odna shippers that fantasize about "punishing" or murdering ashton. they do that to dorian and orym too. i am aware of them and i have seen them. i have 90% of them blocked lmao

and i have also talked about this before but the amount of people i've seen insisting callowm/oore is a bad homophobic cishet ship that erases fearne's pansexuality is BIZARRE. this argument was used to prop up fearn/iture which makes no fucking sense to me since chetney is, as far as we know, cisgender. we might not know ashton's sexuality proper but it's safe to assume they aren't heterosexual as they've flirted with people of many genders. also there was this genuine debate if as/hrym was a homophobic ship because orym only dates men... and. well. i don't think it'd be the same as shipping keyleth with orym, let's put it that way lol

[threadsun]

JDA Asks: "DUDE I READ LIKE—

-JDA here-

I read you said something like your main Oc has some stuff in common with Doe or something like that I- Can I please, please, PLEASE ON MY KNEES RN, can I please see them? Or can you write some info about them??? LIKE IM SO CURIOUS NOW !!

-also the abbreviation (jda) was cool, thanks uwu-"

Yesssssssssss I get to talk about my fucked up lil freak!!!

Okay okay okay so I'm absolutely shit at drawing and I don't think I currently have any of the art my partner's drawn of him but I can try to give you some facts about him!

ngl I tried to write out their whole backstory and everything but it got too long and hard to follow ^^' especially since it changes somewhat based on AUs

So I'll try to give you some facts and people can ask more questions if they wanna know more about him >:3c

Name:

Generally known as Zander Cohen (or Z for short)

Known as Kitty Cohen for work

Sometimes known by various other names, especially for his... less than legal activities

Hebrew name is Ezra ben Yael

Pronouns:

Yes

Most people default to "he" if they know him as Zander and "she" if they know her as Kitty

But they go by he/she/it/they/whatever

As long as you're not thinking too hard about which one you use, he's happy. Just use whatever pronoun comes to mind first at any moment, even if it's the same one every time

Gender:

Yeah, sure! She'll have one of each, thanks!

She considers herself transfem and transmasc because she was raised as both a man and a woman

Generally their gender is just... intersex/queer/creature

Or like... whatever's funniest or most convenient in the moment (especially when it comes to flirting, he'll be whatever gender you find hottest~)

Sex:

Intersex

He can change his body at will, but naturally he was born with an intersex variation and considers that important to his identity

If you want specifics for horny reasons: he's got tits, pussy, and dick (it's half way between a clit and a dick, really)

He's sterile and has patchy facial hair that he usually shaves

Sexuality:

Bisexual and slutty about it

Very t4t and nb4nb, but he'll flirt with/fuck/date anyone really if they catch his fancy

Switch verse and very kinky

Species:

Half human, but fully golem

His human mother and golem father did some weird sex magic, which ended with him being stillborn and then brought to life with magic

His golem dad fucked off before he was born, but his dad's dad stuck around. He's also a golem who usually takes the form of a cat, and his name is Grandpa Moon

Zander is made of clay, and his life is given to him by the word "אמת" carved into his skin, like all golem. His happens to be on his lower back, like a trampstamp

He can't be killed in any way other than by deactivating him by erasing some or all of the word

He can, however, feel pain and will take a long time to heal from injuries and murder attempts. His best way of healing is pouring boiling water on whatever's injured and moulding it back into shape while it's soft

His body is a lil fucked up cause he doesn't fully know how human biology works, so his insides are not the right organs in the right order. It causes him chronic pain and various disabilities

Usually he keeps a human form that's curvy, chubby, and strong. He has freckles and curly hair that both reflect his mood. When he's upset, the freckles fade and his hair goes limp and straight. When he's excited, the freckles look like stars and his hair floats. When he's in love, his freckles and curls start to look like hearts, as do his pupils

He can change his form at will, and make himself look however he wants. Usually he just does this to tweak his appearance to make himself more attractive to people because he's very vain. He also uses it for kinky sex stuff, unsurprisingly

He has a golem form that comes out when his base instincts are activated. That form is about 10 feet tall, with sharp claws and jagged teeth with serrated edges. His eyes are covered in a black film that makes him only able to see vague shapes. His senses of smell and hearing become sharp enough to sense the blood in someone's veins

His golem form also has various shapes carved into it, almost like tattoos, that glow orangey-red like hot coals

He doesn't remember the things he does in golem form once he gets back into human form, if his golem form was triggered by his protective instincts

Being a golem, if he loves someone then he's magically bound to protect them with his life. If he thinks they're in danger, his golem form comes out and he can't stop it

Uhhhh can't off the top of my head think of more important facts about him being a golem but I'm sure there's more

General:

He's a sex worker, but the specifics depend on AU. Anything from full service to burlesque/stripping to online sex work

They were raised partially in a circus. They learned lots of skills there, including picking pockets, picking locks, using a bullwhip, sword swallowing, and various other sleight of hand/illusion sort of stuff

Charisma and charm are his weapons of choice, and he'll flirt his way into and out of trouble

She's autistic!! And also severely mentally unwell but like that's a separate thing

It's... borderline illiterate. It dropped out of school really young, and never bothered to learn to read past the basics

He's got a big ol' gap between his top two front teeth

They have committed murder before

He's been engaged twice and married once, he's married to @threadmoon's OC Nik (they/them)

He and Nik are polyamorous. Usually they'll only date people together (except women, Nik isn't attracted to women so that's all Z >:3c), but Z sleeps around plenty on his own too

She's got a minimum of 12 serious exes (there's 12 that have full stories) some of whom she's still friends with and some of whom she'd kill if she had the chance (and one she did kill...)

It likes to eat raw meat, it's not picky about what animal the meat comes from, humans included :)

He's usually just kind of silly and flirty and doesn't take much seriously, but when he gets angry he goes feral. His teeth and nails are his weapons of choice

He can get very obsessive over his partners~ Once you've got his love, it's very hard to lose, and he'll do anything for you~

They're sooooo normal, I promise, come closer—

[not-so-myconid-witch]

Behold, tourmaline! (Any pronouns except for he/him)

she‘s the manifestation of my subconscious!

She‘s also blind, and mostly nonverbal. She prefers to speak in very short sentences.

She often gets kinda confused when she feels a shape or smth which she isn‘t used to, which is what led to that time when i was walking home with thigh highs on for the first time and kept getting confused about them going up so high lol.

Tourmaline has also basically been adopted by hana. She found tourmaline when she was taking a walk through the hallway with emr, ennyb and enver, where tourmaline was trying to figure out wtf this weird four-legged thing is (it was a chair).

Ever since then she‘s been living with hana and her children!

Oh btw her hair is made of a slimy liquid which she can change the shape of at will, which she often uses to communicate what she means better when she‘s trying to explain an object which she hasn‘t felt before.

(she also wears thigh highs. because funni.)

here's the angy lil rat bastard man himself, la nobinia! (he/him)

he's the manifestation of my masculinity, but he basically constantly tries to kill me. this is bc i constantly pushed him away because i wanted to be feminine, not masculine, and he developed an extreme hatred for me.

he used to be great friends with tourmaline for a short while, but he started associating her with me and left her to make sure he doesn't hurt her.

he also can't really die. as long as i remember him, he will always revive when he gets killed.

also, all of my manifestation ocs kinda have like. a future form of sorts, bc i grow as a person, and therefore my manifestations should too.

what is la's future form? well..

this is eliana esavi! (pronounced: elliana essavi, she/her) she is the manifestation of my femininity!

at some point in the future (more specifically when i start hrt) la finds a way to make all the manifestations enter a comatose-like state by taking nigh full control of my psyche, which meant he could now kill me with no real issues whatsoever (since the manifestations before always got in the way).

he starts mercilessly attacking me, until he is stopped by reduatda.

reduatda is completely unaffected by the whole comatose-thing, as she isn't part of my memory.

and she also possesses the ability to make me forget things she deems to be harmful, which she obviously starts doing with la (she does this by playing what she calls "the solo of the end" with her violin).

after almost making me forget about him, i however stop her, since the reason why he's doing any of this is my fault, and therefore killing him is quite unfair.

at around this time, hana also began to wake up, and when she realized what was going on, she tried to see if there was a way to manipulate la's strings in a way that makes him no longer be the manifestation of my masculinity, but it's no use as he doesn't seem to have strings.

even hana and la start joining in on trying to convince me to kill him, but right as im about to agree, crimhexa comes in.

he yelled extremely loudly at them to stop, but he didn't completely recover from the comatose thing so he had to rest for a bit after that. thankfully the others were smart enough to let the guy who literally knows the most things about everything out of all of them rest until he could explain.

he explains to them how la nobinia does actually have strings, he's just made up of them. they work like normal strings besides that, but narrators aren't able to manipulate them in this state. only a being of reality can, and, well, im obviously the only being of reality currently with them, so im the only one who can do anything.

string manipulation ain't exactly my forte tho, so i mess up quite a bit and accidentally erase most of la's eliana's memory.

after they all recover from this whole ordeal, and eliana is introduced to everyone else, they all decide to head back home, and eliana comes with noelle merianda.

eliana doesn't really like only being able to consistently be with one of the manifestations, so the manifestations decide to open up portals that lead to the universes of the other manifestations. kinda like an interuniversal house lol :3

no oc fun fact today bc i have some new ocs to show you! (will only be able to show you those after you answer this ask bc you appear to not allow pictures to be included in asks lol)

I didn’t know that was even a thing but GOD please

[shouta-aizawow]

1) Hope u are ok, i will let you this one here. Bakugou coming out as asexual-aromanitc, and having to explain to everyone what is it. (And if you want angst, people not believing him, that he's not grown enough to know, all that bullshit) Sorry is a little bit of proyection.

I’m doing well, thank you!!! And dw, I project HARDCORE and I also LOVE aroace Katsuki so it’s all good!! (i’m actually gonna project a bit in this one lol)

OKAY!!!

When the other kids were busy talking about crushes and who they were dating, Katsuki was focused on becoming a hero.

He had no time for romance, especially that sappy type he always sees on tv.

No, Katsuki was gonna become the greatest hero, and he would do that alone.

He never thought much of it. It didn’t seem unusual to him that he never had an interest in anyone else, that he couldn’t join in on conversations where the topic was romantic love or sexual attraction.

In fact, he felt smug when all the other extras were held down by girlfriends and boyfriends and datemates while he was forging on ahead. Seeing the confusion and awe on their faces when he told them that he had never been attracted to anyone was enough to erase the slight embarrassment he felt at not being able to relate to them.

Katsuki was invincible, unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction, and he needs to let everybody know it.

(A few years later, at the tender age of 13, Katsuki finds he isn’t a superior being, he’s just aroace...

Well... okay then.)

He is aroace and still unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction!

He didn’t really have friends to share his epiphany with, and the extras that followed him around were too dense to know what he was talking about to care. Besides, they’d probably just hear that he wasn’t attracted to girls and throw a fit.

Anyway, it’s not like he really wants to share this. No, this information is for Katsuki and Katsuki only.

But when he gets into UA, starts building a, admittedly reluctant at first, relationship with his classmates, the desire to tell them something he’s kept locked away grows.

It all comes to a head one night at the dorms. It’s a rare night of him hanging out in the common room with most of his other classmates.

Katsuki doesn’t know how the conversation steers this way, but the topic is now crushes. Some people are coming out, some people are just observing. Katsuki is becoming bored, and just as he gets up to leave, he’s noticed and asked, “Who do you have a crush on?”

He’s tempted to ignore the question, but surrounded by this open group of people that showed their support whenever someone revealed themself to be gay or bisexual or pan, he has the urge to let them know this part of him as well.

So he replies. “I don’t have one.”

“So who did you have a crush on?”

“Never had one either, Earjacks.”

Everyone becomes interested now.

Jirou looks skeptical, “It’s not weak to have a crush, yknow. If you don’t wanna tell us, fine, but to lie—”

“I ain’t lying, I’m aroace.”

There’s silent confusion, and Katsuki’s heartbeat thunders in his chest.

Someone asks what that is and, huffing, Katsuki tells them, “It means I don’t experience romantic, aro, or sexual, ace, attraction.”

They ignore his muttered “dumbasses” in favor of questioning him with a “You don’t, or you haven’t?”

“I just said I don’t. What are you on about?”

Kaminari then decides to speak up. “Dude, just give it time! You don’t know who you’re gonna meet that’ll knock you right off those stubborn feet of yours.” And he punctuates it with a wink.

Katsuki is getting annoyed.

“Okay, whatever. If that happens, that happens, but right now, it hasn’t. Therefore, I’m choosing the label aroace.”

Momo, with a finger on her chin and a contemplative expression on her face decides to voice, “But aren’t you acting a little hasty, Bakugou-kun? You shouldn’t use such a definitive label when you’re so young.”

Some people are voicing their agreement, and Katsuki feels like screaming, but he’s too busy being frozen in shock, looking at Momo with with the most incredulous look he could muster.

“What the actual fuck? How is me calling myself aroace any more ‘definitive’ than y’all calling yourself gay?” He can’t help the crack in his voice as he continues, “I’m genuinely confused.”

Before they could reply, Katsuki asks his own question with the most deadpan look he could offer:

“Do you ever wanna date a cat?”

There are exclamations of “No” and looks of bewilderment, but Katsuki continues, crossing his arms.

“Well I don’t think you should act so certain. I mean, maybe you haven’t met the right cat, yet.”

They’re telling him that that’s different, shouldn’t be used as an argument.

But then Kirishima perks up, and Katsuki feels dread consume him.

“Love, or don’t love I guess, who you... don’t... love, bro!”

And Katsuki feels hope bloom in his chest.

Only to have it crushed with his best friend’s next words.

“But we’re just trying to help you! We don’t want you to feel like you’re moving too fa—“

“Not only did I not ask for any help, but how is any of this helping me?!” Katsuki throws his arms in the air. “I came out to you guys, something we’ve been doing all evening, and you have the audacity to tell me I’m wrong?!”

He’s pacing now.

“Why the hell are you acting like I’m signing a death wish with my identity! You guys are the biggest fucking hypocrites, holy hell.”

Katsuki shakes his head and storms off, unwilling to be in that toxic situation any longer.

The next few days are met with guilt-ridden eyes from his classmates and the cold shoulder from him.

They don’t try to approach him, and for that, Katsuki is grateful, because he doesn’t know what he’d do if the people that rejected who he is tried to act like they did nothing wrong.

Yeah, maybe they weren’t being malicious, maybe it was just ignorance, but Katsuki is by no means obligated to forgive nor teach them. Until they pull their heads out of their asses and realize there’s a plus after LGBTQ for a reason, he’s perfectly fine with the distance.

OKAY SO TWO ENDINGS

1) The class that was there does their research and apologizes and are forgiven and whatnot (happy ending)

2) The class doesn’t do their research and just assumes that Katsuki doesn’t want to have sex or kiss anyone. They apologize, but the relationship is still tense with their ignorant comments and jokes. Katsuki is still hurt, especially when they start dating each other or other students, and he’s left to be the only one that values a strong friendship over romance. He feels left behind. (Angsty ending)

OR WAIT!!! ANOTHER ENDING!!!

3) The class doesn’t apologize or do their research, because they think Katsuki was making a big deal out of nothing. After those few weeks of the silent treatment, they try to approach him and act like everything is great.

Katsuki is angry and hurt, but eventually he finds comfort and very close friendships with Todoroki, Tokoyami, Shinsou, and Shoji. Not all of them are aroace, but they’re on the spectrum for one or both (bittersweet ending)

IM DONE!!! This honestly didn’t go the way I was thinking it would go, but I ain’t upset so it’s all good.

So ofc I projected with the being annoyed when people act like my sexuality isn’t a real thing (which is lots of ppl online and the classmates I told when they asked)

Also, that part about telling people that you’ve never had a crush and being smug when they’re like :0? Yeah, I used to do that until I was 13 when my older sib was like “yeah, you’re aroace” and I was like :0 “i saw that term in one fanfiction years back but i genuinely didn’t think abt it when i looked up to see what ‘ace’ meant but it fits perfectly”

So anyway, my sib also told me that what I was is Agender (which I knew abt but thought “that’s not me,,, right?” wrong) and I realized when they asked me if they could tell their friend my gender identity. I was confused like sure?? and then they said i was agender and their friend asked for my pronouns and i said i didn’t care

like,, i thought i was nb, but i wasn’t sure exactly what “type”(?) idk, but after that, i looked at the definition for agender that i didn’t understand before and was like :0 yep that’s me

ANYWAY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT WANT ALL OF THAT PERSONAL MUMBO JUMBO BUT THIS HC RELATES TO ME A LOT SO

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 💖💗💕💞💝

[synchlora]

what r ur thoughts on the killjoys Transness? like obvs they all trans but whats your takes on the specifics of it 0_0 how do you think being trans works out in the zones? is physical transition a thing out there?? also plz rant abt ghouls sibling omg....

OH MY GOD everyone in the zones is trans <33 i don't make the rules (yes i do)

i feel like w physically transitioning there's a lot of different options in the zones but it just depends. im sure BLi makes hrt medications w/o trans intentions so the killjoys absolutely get their hands on that as well. it can be a bit of a mess for any 'joy on hrt bc it can vary how much of a steady supply they would have, but they make do. surgeries are probably more out of the question just bc of skill needed and also the dangers of being a killjoy while recovering from a surgery, even if u can find a good surgeon. but i think it could happen feasibly, just super uncommon.

i think one of the biggest aspects of trans-ness in the zones is clothing!! it's a huge form of expression and killjoys will make their own unique clothing all the time!! it's commonplace for crewmates to make one another cool clothes and accessories including trans things.

anyway, here r my hcs for the fab four and being trans!!

Kobra Kid:

trans dude! (he/him, but neutral pronouns are alright w his crew and anyone who doesn't know his pronouns)

he's on t intermittently, and can grow a very patchy little mustache <3 (ghoul teases him for it but that's just cause xe's jealous)

mainly dresses pretty masc, but also adores rly short dresses. bonus points if he's got a cape/cloak to go w it

will steal the others' nail polish for Gender reasons and then blame ghoul for it (you'd think party and jet would learn, but you'd be surprised how quick they are to blame ghoul)

Fun Ghoul

absolutely gender fucked (xe/they/she/he. also uses it on occasion, depends)

will wear anything it Does Not Matter if it's masc, femme, or falling apart <3

uses both masc and femme terms. also inanimate/object terms

has a bunch of other names and will respond to just abt anything (you could call her brick and he'd respond)

Jet Star

genderfuild (they/he/she, though he isn't used as often w strangers. even called it/its but ONLY by ghoul)

LOVES long flow-y dresses and oh my god they look incredible in them (every allo person in the zones has got at least a little crush on jet star <3)

goth cowboy is her gender presentation, that is all

new hair color every week baby!! new hair color w every new gender asghsbsgsnsc

Party Poison

nonbinary (they/them, she/her w certain significant others)

will call the others transphobic if they even slightly irritate them (they say it as a joke but god sometimes they're so good at deadpanning it that their trans crew is like oh fuck am i??)

mainly use feminine terms reffering to them

will only wear dresses/skirts if they have tights or even jeans underneath (but also they rock this look somehow)

loves fucked up evil makeup and somehow almost always has some weird shade of eyeshadow perfect for any occassion

-------------

NOW. for ghouls sibling.......

ghouls sibling is called raven and they grew up together in the more run-down part of Batt City. they r literally the sweetest person alive oh my god they would die for ghoul (foreshadowing (but not rly))

they named themself after their mom, an ex-killjoy who got caught and re-introduced back into Batt City, told them abt the incredible flocks of ravens that would gather out in the zones. she told them all sorts of stories abt her times in the desert but they latched onto the ones abt the ravens. they were said to help carry souls of dead joys, gathering at joshua trees designated as memorials and carrying off the trinkets left behind in honor of the dead. it was believed that once the ravens took something held dearly by the person who had died, then their soul would pass on. (this is also how the tradition of having brightly colored masks and beads came into play. the ravens tended to favor the brighter items, so it became an interesting sort of way of both showing your soul's bright colors and also enticing those who would carry you off to the afterlife)

so raven chose their name based on those stories, sticking with it even after their mom was taken by BLi and replaced by a droid. ghoul was basically raised by raven and, up until ghouls capture when xe was 10, they were inseparable.

ghoul tried to erase all memory of raven while he worked in BLi, just abt everything short of actually getting her memory wiped. they burnt all raven's books, changed his name, and began to loathe the family she had before. but despite all the BLi lessons telling xem otherwise, she still held onto an old knife that raven and him had both engraved the sides of together. the one last remainder of raven and of ghoul, sitting underneath the matress where angel sleeps (angel is ghouls new name btw, ik that's not super clear).

but yeah :))) im gonna pretend nothing bad ever happens to raven and end this ramble here bc. spoilers and also sad.

[ityi-itui]

I think I’m going to deconstruct my spiritual practice and build it up again.

I’m not entirely sure what it entails yet, but it feels like, at another turning point in my life, it’s the right move for me to make. I know I’m not leaving this community, but I don’t feel as though the structure and build of the Kemetic Orthodox fits me or my life at this time.

I haven’t practiced KO since my family was basically kicked out of our previous house and now that I’m out of the influence of my moms ex boyfriend - I’ve discovered so much more about myself.

So much of my life is involved away from my home life now and without the constant interactions with my family, I’ve found that I’m not happy with who I thought I was supposed to be (I.e “stereotypically male”, that I’m supposed to act a certain way, learn a certain way and look a certain way.

I was so focused on making things easier for everyone else that I lost sight of the reason for transitioning in the first place. That it was for my happiness.

My mom recently ended her relationship with that ex mentioned above, and it was over me.

I think at first she blamed me. Not intentionally or consciously. But the entire reason they broke up was because my mom purposefully (against her ex’s wishes) explained my transition to his now 13 year old daughter. She was tired of hiding it. She didn’t want to see me get kicked out of social events again (I was kicked out of the house for Christmas one year because he didn’t want his daughter to see that I had transitioned. She only knew me as a girl).

I’m on the fence about that issue. On the one hand, they are her parents and we should respect their wishes.

But on the other hand, you can’t just erase me. I’m not who I was. And claiming that you respect me and care for me, but refuse to be honest about who I am is a lie.

Not only that, but she’s 13. She knew more about it than my mom or her parents thought. They never explained any of this to her but she already knew. Most teens do.

I think my turning point was when my mom said “you knew this would effect others when you transitioned.”

I think hearing that kind of broke some barrier. Not in the way she expected but I think it did.

I’m not stupid. I knew it would effect them. But i wanted a chance to have the spotlight. My brother got so much attention growing up that I thought it was time I was able to grow. And I didn’t care. and honestly, I still don’t. Besides. After all those two adults have done to each other, it’s ridiculously stupid that IM the reason they aren’t together anymore. But it isn’t even me. I didn’t ask her to tell anyone. Or explain. Or worry about it. I don’t like her ex anyway. So whether his daughter knows or not means nothing to me.

Anyway...

I’ve discovered that I’m not male. I’m not female. I don’t really care about any of it. I grew up being told how my body should look and be used so I erased it. This isn’t denial. This is neutralization. I don’t want to be seen as anything except me. All these secondary definitions mean nothing and the social ties to those identities are lost on me now.

It’s amazing how much has changed. I rarely think about my body anymore beyond weight control. I don’t think about sex or my former secondary characteristics. I don’t think about whether I need to act a certain way or dress a certain way or buy certain things.

If I like it, I keep it or buy it or use it. If I don’t, I don’t. I don’t bother correcting pronouns. I don’t specify what gender clothing I’m shopping for. When people ask me what I am I shrug and say I’m lucas. Or Reid or whatever name feels right.

It’s freeing.

But what does my spiritual practice have to do with this?

As mentioned previously, I’ve felt a calling to a former patron of mine, Cernunnos. My love for nature and animals has been revitalized in the past year as I’ve restarted my education.

While I appreciate what the Kemetic Orthodox has provided me with in terms of education and structure, the internalization of my spirituality into a House of worship such as KO doesn’t seem right to me anymore.

I’m extremely eclectic as it is, and my decisions and paths change frequently. For lack of a better word, being attached to my Kemetic deities in the way a Shemsu requires isn’t something I can personally do anymore. I’m not abandoning my gods, but the hierarchy involved in being a Shemsu when it comes to my worship isn’t something I am finding myself to be compatible with. I can’t justify putting anyone before anyone else in my head. The way I see relationships I’m involved in prevents that kind of hierarchy of putting someone before someone else.

Not only that, but I feel that sort of hierarchy is preventing me and making me feel guilty of exploring other godly relationships.

I’m not sure if this is something I’m supposed to do within the House or how it works. But I think stepping away from the KO and from being a Shemsu is the right path for me and my spirituality.

[braceyourasses]

this is my discourse catch-all before i even started REBLOGGING from the fandom, please don't quote me on this

not that i assume anyone is reading this ever but im just going to kind of try to hedge my bets as far as fandom Discourse goes if im going to be interacting with it in any way shape or form. things i do that could be interpreted as problematic as far as i know include: shipping taako with magnus, and maybe a perceived preference for certain taako designs, which ill make clear that i do not have.  

the strongest argument i’ve encountered against shipping magnus with taako (or with other characters that aren’t julia, actually) is that magnus canonically is not interested in romance due to his past trauma. i think that if people want to interpret that as his decision to permanently abstain from romance in the future, of course they can, but personally i am more inclined towards the idea that he must grapple with and address his trauma, especially within the context of romance. of course he isn’t seeking it out, but magnus is not canonically aromantic, and so it does not seem out of the realm of possibility that he might have feelings for taako. i don’t, of course, mean to imply that people are not allowed to interpret a character as aromantic if they want to- this is fiction and it can represent whatever we want! but i also think it’s reductive to say magnus’ experience with trauma automatically equates him with being aromantic. it’s more complex than that. the bottom line is that when i say i’m interested in taako and magnus having an intimate relationship, i’m not interested in erasing magnus’ trauma, i’m interested in exploring it in conjunction with taako’s past experiences and within the context of how they interact together. 

side note: in regards to taakitz, i like it just fine, but the fact of the matter is that i currently haven’t caught up to the point where kravitz appears in the podcast, so i don’t feel like i can weigh in on it one way or another authentically quite yet. it sounds good though! i don’t have anything personally against it, although there are some good points i’ve seen people bring up respectfully in regards to the implications of a gay man in a romantic relationship with the literal embodiment of death. im definitely not closing my gates to it, though. 

when it comes to the taako designs that i like and post, i think it’s important to put myself in context- personally, as a queer fan, i find myself identifying pretty strongly with taako, and i definitely don’t think i’m alone in this. i see everybody addressing this character with he/him pronouns and using masculine nouns, and yet very often he is portrayed wearing makeup, a skirt, high heels, long hair. none of this is questioned, only encouraged. he is not  misgendered or misinterpreted, or if this is done, it is proved to be unacceptable. to me, this state of being, and the accompanying confidence, is pretty ideal in terms of gender expression. it’s part of how i want to be, and be seen. for this reason, i enjoy designs for taako that look more like me, because i want to use his character as a vehicle for encouraging my own self-expression. for all intensive purposes, i am pale and blonde and lanky, and so that is how i sometimes like to imagine taako. but i want to stress that i do not believe in imposing any requirements for anyone’s individual interpretation of a character! i heavily value the multi-representational, fluid and malleable nature of fictional content. all taako designs are FANTASTIC taako designs, and i support each one no matter what shape or color he is.

[i am also familiar with the conflicts that arise when the majority of the characters in the universe are portrayed as pale, and i don’t agree with doing that- i like my tres horny boys and co. in many palettes, thanks, i’m not looking to get snow blindness.]

as far as weighing in at all on the gender controversy with taako, i’m afraid i’m only going to reiterate my above point with a few minor tweaks; i would never claim the authority to tell a trans woman not to identify with a character and interpret that character to be like her. however, i agree there are some conflicts that arise when it comes to other people interpreting taako that way. i think gorecash commented on it pretty well by saying that it’s not good to establish men wearing skirts as more important than the validation of trans women, but the issue is definitely too complex to be reduced to that one statement. they also said hopefully we can all agree on No Straight Taakos and No Cis Woman Taakos, which i’m definitely on board with. 

anyway i might add to this later but uh. yes. that’s what i have to say about that in case anyone every comes looking for those answers and i don’t have the energy or faculties to say this in the moment. in conclusion: i don’t know shit yall im just out here