#and use your dollars to slick your way to buy some private islands here

[crazykuroneko]

call me heartless, but seeing all those videos of NYC getting flooded, the only thing that came up in my mind is: (finally) WELCOME TO THE CLUB! 🫂

[ernestsinclairs]

How Rich are You?? - Bloodbound Edition

Welcome to the MONEY Series, where I draw up how rich everybody is. Here, I estimate how rich ALL the Bloodbound LIs are because literally everyone likes cash, not just me.

ADRIAN: Literally one of the first details about Adrian we ever got was that he’s a billionaire. And from the way PB stresses it, it seems like he’s one of those super-billionaires or something. I doubt he’s at the Jeff Bezos level (publicly at least), but this guy has some serious numbers in his bank account. Now, CEOs 

like him don’t have billions in cash sitting in some bank vault somewhere. Most of their money is made up of the amount of their company that they own and how much that slice is worth. Seeing as Adrian probably founded his own company, it’s pretty fair to say he has a good chunk of it. And Raines Corp. seems to be like the golden child of a capitalist mother. MC mentions that the Raines Corp. was one of the fastest growing companies in America (in the job interview with Nicole), Adrian was voted ‘CEO to watch’, and she also said ‘like no one knows how profitable Raines Corp. is’ in Marcel’s library. Plus Adrian’s other assets like a private jet and great car and stuff, that’s a CRAZY amount of money.

Net Worth: $40 - $50 billion (the company’s had a lot of time to grow and rake in profit and value, seeing as vampires are, you know, a little thing called immortal)

But wait, there’s more! There’s this super shady thing that rich people do called offshore accounts! Basically, they shovel their cash to places like Bermuda and the Cayman islands to avoid paying taxes and hide their boatloads of cash from the feds. I’m pretty sure Adrian does that, not to avoid taxes, but to hide money he made in the other centuries he’s been alive, like the lucrative mega-businesses of the Gilded Age, that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to explain.

COMPLETE NET WORTH: $80 - $90 billion (includes previous profits in offshore accounts, physical things like gold and artifacts, real estate, international company investments). 

Probably Owns: Obviously his private plane, which seems quite large and luxurious (Gulfstream perhaps?). He definitely has that decked out penthouse with a prime view of the Manhattan real estate market and a car described as a ‘slick sports car’ in Book 1 when you’re rescuing him. I am 100% sure he has a giant wine collection spanning centuries old as long as multiple estates around the US. In Book 1, Kamilah mentions she didn’t know about Adrian’s colonial estate, implying that there are others. So, if you like jet setting to giant mansions with centuries old bubbly, there’s that. 

KAMILAH: Our vampire queen is not just the queen of literally everything, she is also the queen of raking in the sweet sweet cash. She’s in finance, and if it’s one thing I’ve learned, finance is profitable. Now, it’s obvious she’s extremely wealthy, but the curious things is that it’s not emphasized as such. It’s stressed that Adrian is a billionaire and has a private plane and whatnot, but there’s no mention of the extent of Kamilah’s wealth. So here’s what probably went down: Kamilah’s public wealth is lower than Adrian’s, but her hidden wealth is a lot higher. I literally would not be surprised if she could go to Egypt, dig a random hole in the desert, and turn up a motherlode of gold she hid thousands of years ago. 

Net Worth: $20 - $30 billion (as far as the outside world knows. But if you factor in all her hidden wealth and earnings and random gold statues and hundred carat diamonds floating around the world, I’d estimate it at about $200 billion. This insanely high number is yes, due to the amount of previous earnings and valuables like precious metals and artifacts she has, but also their age and rarity)

Probably Owns: A really nice residence in Manhattan (I’m thinking a penthouse apartment similar in concept, but different in style to Adrian’s), along with apartments in every city she has an office in. I’m also sure she also has a walk in closet stacked wall to wall with custom made suits. I’m also quite sure that she still owns a few artifacts that are stored in private holdings around the world, like on in Egypt perhaps, and maybe some in remote areas like the deserts of Nevada or Argentine Patagonia. 

JAX MATSUO: Okay, what I know about Jax is that he was basically a college dropout in the 80s who spent his tuition dollars on LSD trips and bad disco clothes. And the last time I checked, disco clothes aren’t that valuable anymore (and never should have been). Now, I theorize that any personal wealth he gained was redistributed to help the Clanless and others that he took in. So, he’s not crapping blocks of gold and hundred dollar bills like Adrian and Kamilah. He’s crapping out those rolls of quarters you get at the convenience store and the occasional fake diamond earring from Claire’s. However, his new position on the Council is definitely bringing in some much needed cash.

Net Worth: $3 - $4 million (mostly due to him reinvesting in his Clan, and being relatively new to business and Council duties)

Probably Owns: I don’t think Jax has as much material wealth and homes/properties as Adrian and Kamilah. I think he has a nice, safe, and comfortable quarters in the refurbished Shadow Den so he can be with his people at all times. He probably scraped up enough for a respectable car due to nagging from Lily, but other than that, I theorize that he prefers to live a little more under the radar.

LILY SPENCER: The only piece of info I have about her was that she was able to buy us 10 pizzas when we first met (flashback in Book One). Now, the price of pizza in NYC is rising, with the average being $16.98. Ten pizzas is roughly $170 dollars.

Net Worth: $170 (but in reality, I estimate about $35 - $60k with any debts fully paid off. Running with Jax is definitely drawing in income, and I won’t be surprised if she’s drawing a salary from her service or a commission from Fangbook.)

Probably Owns: 0 delicious pizzas because she ate them all. But seriously though, we know she still lives in the apartment with us, so that hasn’t changed. I don’t see a need or means for a car or private jet or anything like that, and I can’t see Lily buying hugely permanent things. She seems much more of a ‘spur of the moment’ person, and purchases reflect that. Like one of those ten foot teddy bears from Costco. Or a signed David Tennant photo from eBay. Or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mask worn by the stunt man. Take your pick.

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@bailey-choices @europeanguy @furiouscloddonutpeanut

[ontherockswithsalt]

This Charming Man - The Breakfast Table

A Joble Fanfic

Rating: E

(previous chapters: 1, 2, 3) | (ao3 story link)

Chapter 4.

When I wake up, I don’t know where I am. I’m alone in the middle of this bed, halfway covered by soft white sheets and a fluffy duvet. It’s quiet. Usually I wake up to sirens and car alarms blaring after a fitful night. But I’m surprisingly rested as my senses start to return to me.

Turning over on my back, I stretch before I manage to sit up a little. 

Damn, just this bed alone makes me feel like a high roller. Glancing around the room, I have to smile when I breathe out in disbelief. 

The drapes are closed on the floor-to-ceiling windows that face Park Avenue. On the chair over in the corner, Jamie’s suit jacket is still there and I find myself weirdly reassured that he isn’t gone. I don’t know why. Usually I’m ready to get the hell out after time with a client, even the rare overnight ones at far more disgusting hotels than this one. Or I’m relieved when they’ve left by the time I’m awake. 

But I want to stay. I want to sink down in these covers and freeze time. Actually, I want to see if Jamie’s out in the living room and feels like going one more round before he kicks me out of here. I kind of can’t believe he’s letting me sleep.

Last night, after that chair affair, I was a little shaken. I’m not sure what it did to me, or what I felt. But it was different from a typical encounter with a john who usually shoots his load in thirty seconds with me. Talk about a job, that felt like some real damn work to get this little prince off. Not that I mind; I could have done it all night.

But Jamie was quiet when it was over, taking just a moment to steady his breathing before he downed the rest of his scotch and nodded toward the bedroom.

I’d do whatever he wanted, but I was anxious, on edge for the control. I needed to steer for a minute. When he made his way toward the bed, I stopped him at the nearby mahogany table instead. He questioned it for barely a second before his gaze fell to watch me loom over him. He turned his head as I followed against him and he planted his hands against the ledge of the table. He let me grasp his hips from behind. 

I needed to stand. I needed to fuck him bent over. But I knew I couldn’t just take what I wanted so I still had to let him lead. He was into it, though, reaching behind after I rolled on a condom to guide me closer.

I steadied myself, slow as I ran a hand up the plane of his meticulously toned back, got him slick and worked my way inside him. 

I couldn’t believe how damn hot he was. It’s like some sort of fucking joke. I had to use my tricks – that I haven’t had to summon since I was a teenager on Long Island – where I would think about that episode of The Flinstones where Fred makes five hundred pies so that I wouldn’t come too fast while I was fooling around in the back of Karen Romano’s car. I had forgotten what that felt like.

I mean holy hell, this guy. He could forget to pay me and I wouldn’t even be mad. Well, that’s not true. But I had to wonder if some of his efforts were for me. The man knew what he was doing. 

I came and Jamie didn’t that time, but after, he seemed content to be finished. We cleaned up. He told me to take the bed, he had work to do. And that was it. I slept better than I had in a long time. 

Finally forcing myself out from the covers, I stop in the bathroom before I find my clothes. Or my jeans, at least. My shirt is probably out in the other room. 

Carefully, I exit the bedroom, not sure what to anticipate. Then I make my way through the suite where I see Jamie sitting at the dining table.

He’s dressed in a new suit. This one’s just a clean cut vest over a dress shirt with its top few buttons undone at his neck and it’s ruining my life. I’ve never been into this yuppy-scum-reading-the-paper shit but I am this morning and I’m going home an enlightened man.

A spread of probably everything this hotel makes for breakfast is laid out along the table. All that’s in front of Jamie, though, is simply a cup of coffee. He looks over and offers a pleasant enough face. “Morning.”

My gaze darts around all the food and back to him and I just kind of present my hand in a cursory wave. “Hey.”

“There’s breakfast if you’re hungry.” He points. 

Unsure of how I’m supposed to conduct myself here, I scratch the back of my neck and come closer to the table. There, I pluck a green grape from its stem on a tray of fruit and pop it into my mouth. He just watches me under an arched eyebrow.

“You’re not eating?” I wonder while I chew.

“I’m not big on breakfast.”

I glance away, curious about why all the food if he doesn’t eat. “Well I won’t turn down a free breakfast,” I tell him. I lift a domed lid to find a platter of crispy bacon and I take a piece. Then I turn and prop myself up to sit on top of the table in an empty spot between the bacon and the tray of fruit. 

Setting his coffee cup on the saucer, he swallows and looks up at me, the same way he did when I sat on his desk last night. “You know, there are… chairs.”

I consider the seats around the table. “Ah.” Then I take another piece of bacon and move myself into one of them. “So… what kind of lawyer are you?”

“I am–” Jamie folds his newspaper back and sets it beside his cup. “Chief legal counsel for Prescott Capital, which is a private equity firm.”

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to know what any of that means so I reach for a silver dollar pancake. “Mm-hm,” I hum, nervously folding the pancake in half and tearing off a piece between my fingers. “Is that… like, the cool kind of lawyer?”

Jamie just laughs softly and it feels good to see his face relent like that. “Cool like how? Like Atticus Finch?”

Over a bite of pancake, I furrow my brow. “I don’t know what that is.”

He laughs again, shaking his head and I don’t really care that he probably thinks I’m an idiot. 

I clarify, “No, I mean cool like… not friends with cops.”

“I don’t do criminal prosecution if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

Tilting my head side to side while I chew, I shrug like that’s good to know. 

“Mostly, I negotiate the buying and selling of investments. Of companies.”

I nod as I swallow my bite. “I dropped out of school in eleventh grade.”

He looks at me and this brief flash of I’m-sorry-to-hear-that sadness passes across his eyes. But I didn’t say it for sympathy; I was just being matter of fact. 

A smile slants across my face. “I bet you went pretty far in school.”

Jamie mirrors the look and reaches for his coffee. “I guess so.”

“Your parents must be proud.” I mumble the praise around a bite of pancake.

Swallowing hard, he sniffs in amusement then briefly glances down. He doesn’t have a response to that other than to sip from his coffee once more. After he sets it down, he remarks, “I get paid to do whatever my clients tell me to do, so–”

I finish my pancake and chuckle. “So we have that in common then.”

“Exactly,” he muses, redirecting his attention to the newspaper. 

I don’t want to overstay with the chit-chat, so I take one more grape as I push my chair back to stand up. “I’ll uh– get ready to head out,” I tell him and I start toward the living room to collect my abandoned shirt from the night before. As I cross back through the suite to the bedroom, the realization hits me and I announce, “To Kill a Mockingbird!” Then I stretch back from the doorway to check with him. “Right? Atticus Finch?”

He glances back, his cheek curved with a smile I know he’s trying to fight before he merely nods and answers with a concise, “Right.”

I tap a fingertip to my temple then smack the door frame as I turn into the room.