#and uh. they're attracted to men and they always identify that as a female feeling

[tyrannuspitch]

i'm reading this historical novel with a third gender character and like. i don't know how to feel about it. because obviously gender is personal and contextual and they will be operating within their own society's rules. but i feel like the author is keeping things so just-within-the-rules that it almost becomes like... a weird reluctance to engage with actual queerness? only with alternative norms? almost like. inventing new ways to be cis and then doing cisnormativity with them lmao

[draconym]

Hi! With the utmost respect, may I ask a question? I saw a tv show with a nb character; they fall in love with a girl and describe themselves as gay. But being gay means liking people of your own gender, and a nb person liking a female is not gay. Am I wrong? I really don't want to be offensive, I just want to understand. The way I see it, a nb can only be gay if they like other nb's, if they like a girl/boy they're straight (?) sorry if this is too much, hope you can explain.

Hey, uh, I can try?

The word “gay” has gone through a lot of evolution throughout its long history, and it still has multiple meanings. It wasn’t until the mid-20th century that “gay” began to take on a strong connotation with homosexuality, and only as recently as the 70s or so did its definition become specific enough to mean “a homosexual man.”

More recently, “gay” has started to become a little more versatile again, and many lesbians also use the word “gay” to describe themselves. And, bisexuals, let’s be honest: how many of us have said “I’m gay” about our own infatuations with the full knowledge that we experience multisexual or multigender attractions? (A lot of us. A lot.)

I do most often say “I’m gay” when I’m smitten by someone who’s similarly androgynous. But you know what? I playfully say it about my attraction to men and women, too–especially my attraction to women, because most people who don’t know me perceive me to be a woman. And because as a queer person, my attractions in general are queer–it’s often said that when you are nonbinary, everyone who is attracted to you is at least a little bit gay.

Gender is complex and occasionally nebulous and since you don’t always know a stranger’s gender based on their presentation, it’s theoretically possible to be attracted to someone before you even know what their gender is. On top of that, there are a lot of nonbinary folk who identify as lesbians. Being nonbinary is not always being in a state of perfect androgyny; many enbyfolk also identify as women or men, but their identities additionally include other gender feelings outside the binary.

The labels we choose for ourselves have many functions. They communicate something about us to other people, but they also allow us to have language to describe ourselves to ourselves. The definition of “gay” is expanding and, at times, converging with the inclusivity of the word “queer.”

tl;dr people with ‘complicated’ identities often use the word “gay” in creative ways, and its definition is becoming more flexible, nbd.

[tymki]

Hey Tymki. So I dont know who else to go to. It's me ADFB. I uh kinda Am having an identity crisis. See I dont know what I am anymore. I identified as bi for a long time. And there was that one girl I dated for a few months. But after her I had no attraction to another female. I mean Ive mainly had the "hots" for dudes after that. Is bi with a male lean a thing? I dont know anymore mate. Anyways is there a word for someone who doesn't know if they're gay, pan, or gay? Thanks -Z

Oh hey! Wasn’t expecting this message, but yes bisexuality is a spectrum, just like how asexuality is also a spectrum. It goes between mostly liking girls to mostly liking boys. I have a female friend who identifies as bi, but is still mostly attracted to women and a male friend who is mostly attracted to men. But they are both bi, and they are both valid, just like you.

But if you feel unsure about your identity now, then you could always say that you’re queer. It used to have be an insult in the past, but more and more people are claiming it as their own and making it their own identity - which is something that the LGBT+ community does a lot and makes me happy. But yeah, you’re still bi if you want to be, or you could be queer if you feel like that suits you more. It’s your sexuality, so it’s your choice, not anyone else’s.