#and u never rly know until u start reading and its like

[clembian]

the issue withspn fics is that most of them r so OOC its actually a little unbelievable

[infinitelyweary]

Has anyone endlessly dissected Armand's subtle Marius shade yet

[berrieluv]

could u write a fic where peter and reader r having sex and he s rly rough but at some point he hurts her bc of his powers he got after the spider bite? and then he just takes care of her and its cute n soft <3333

Peter Parker x fem!Reader

cw. mentions of sex.

It didn't start as it usually did. Peter seemed eager, in a way he always is, but he's usually soft, gentle, your skin could burn for the way his body craved you.

Now it was burning because of his not so gentle touch. His fingers were now marked on your hips and his movements were faster, rougher.

You were enjoying yourself at the beginning, you really were. You liked this animalistic side of Peter, you liked the way he entered your through your room door, he tossed his backpack to the floor and got rid of his jacket, his glasses ended on your desk and now you were here.

Reaching what you thought was your third orgasm of the night? You couldn't keep track of it, not when your body was shaking and your pussy aching. Peter was usually good reading you, he knew when you wanted something and when you don't.

"Peter?"

You tried calling him, you wanted to tell you that the tears weren't from the pleasure, you wanted him to understand that the way that he called you a 'whore' made you so sad. You definitely weren't in the mood for any of this.

"Peter..."

You stay quiet for a few minutes until you felt him pulling out, you felt a weird relief, it was when he broke back that you felt you had enough.

You flinched at his touch, you pushed him away with your hands and pushed him further with your legs, he looked at you confused and he started to feel the guilt eating him alive when he saw your face.

"Baby..." You look at him, waiting for him to talk. You weren't mad at him, he may misread you but it wasn't like he purposely ignored your wishes. "Baby, what's wrong?"

You wanted to talk, to tell him what was wrong, that it was too much, he was too rough, he went too far.

"When did you get so strong?"

Of course the last thing you wanted was to make him feel bad, so you tried a subtly way. Peter froze, because he knew why he was rough, everything seemed to be too much, being Spider-Man, school, his only safe place in a whole city was you and he just wanted to forget.

He didn't address the question, instead he answered with another one;

"Did I hurt you?"

You nod slowly and watch as his face decomposes. He looks so sad and you feel so guilty, he just wanted to have a good time with you, with his girlfriend, and you were ruining everything.

"I'm sorry" you say first and he frowns.

"Sorry? Baby, no, I– I'm sorry, I'm the one who's sorry, I hurt you and I– God, I don't think I could ever forgive myself... I– " He opened his arms and you smiled lightly, finding your way to his chest "I'm usually so good at knowing when you want thing"

"It was one time"

"Never again, baby" He kisses your head "I'll be double checking on anything, and I swear... anything"

"S'alright, Pete"

"Kissie?"

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Quitting Weed Day 9 Status Report 📝

to start off , i'll say, i do indeed feel like Ass ! this post might get a tad emo. regretting my life choices to smoke for as long as i have 😕 But then again, maybe that's harsh, cus i was just doing the best i could with the circumstances i been dealt in the past.

i couldnt just quit cold turkey cus every time i try that its way too intense and i alwaus end up going back. So the past 9 days i've been hitting my (extremely weak) weed cart a couple times a night, only after 9pm, just to help me sleep. Before that i was smoking probly like. 5-8 bowls a day, followed by hitting the weed pen RELENTLESSLY all night until i passed out. So its still been a huge change lol. From tonight onwards tho i'm done w the weed pen and ready to try 0 thc 🙏

kind friend @palmceader sent me a CBD tincture made for sleep (thanku again 🥹) which im sure has a TINY percentage of thc, but nothing even close to how much im used to.

i cant even imagine how fried my dopamine receptors are, cus honestly, i feel Fucked. spaced out is an understatement. i cant focus on anything and its kinda driving me insane. it feels impossible to read or draw or do any of my hobbies.. my body feels heavy and depressed. No motivation. its kinda the opposite of what i was expecting. i can barely keep my eyes open during the day..

on a brighter note i havent been struggling too much with sleep or appetite. i think sleepy time tea + the tincture + magnesium is rly helping. my dreams recall is already improving so much, and the times i have nightmares arent as bad as its been previous times i tried to quit. i havent rly struggled with cravings at all either, which used to be a huge obstacle for me ! im just so over it now. i was starting to get chest pains and coughing a lot, which was taking any joy out of the act of smoking for me.

morbid to say but I often think of my father and how his rampant addictions directly lead him to such a painful and horrific early death. its a rare perspective of imagery so disturbing , i know i can't go on in such a manner. Like, what a fucking fool i would be! For others i can understand it but for me, no. it has haunted me for a long time to know i'm letting myself go down that path, even with all my insistent self-justification that his death is what brought me to this in the first place. deep down ive been knowing i need to break the cycle like i have the choice and the power, im still alive im still here ..

Sorry if thats depressing to bring up! i do feel depressed tho. i cant use weed to hide from my pain anymore.. i have to rewire my whole ass method of coping with stress at age 30. i know i can do it but its gonnnna be a long winded process full of ups n downs. Running away is no longer an option and thats a lot to face! a lot of old wounds i never rly dealt with, cus i kept my head in the 💨clouds💨 for so long.

i promise not to give up this time tho no matter how hard it gets 🙏 i want to set a good example too like indunno a lot of younger ppl follow me now i dont wanna feed into narratives that may influence them in bad directions. i have a responsible heart. i rly dont think weed is cool i havent since i was like 16. i was just dependent on it so i tried to romanticisze its role in my life. its silly.

im kinda laughing now cus im like god, i initially felt like the reason im quitting is so i can be more active in my dream world, but the more i think about it the more i notice MANY many more reasons to quit that go way deeper.

All in all the reason im talking about it is to maybe inspire other ppl who have been on the verge of quitting but too afraid to rly take the plunge-- Ur not alone, ur not weak for being addicted, if u need to reach out to me u are more than welcome.

Ppl rly downplay weed addiction cus the withdrawals arent life threatening like other substances, but that doesnt mean its a walk in the park. Most ppl i know who are stoners have never been able to quit for similar reasons as me. It takes a major psychological hold over u. if u ever need to vent about it or need advice, im here!

if u read all of this, pls dont worry abt me xD Even if it feels miserable rn i have faith things will improve, the heaviness and brainfog will lift, the emotions will be purged, i am excited for my future. One day at a time....Dont giving up 🙏

Signed, PMD9

[slytherinshua]

IM SO EXCITED YOU DONT EVEN KNOW!!! AGAIN, CONGRATS!! ITS ALL WELL DESERVED AND IM HAPPY I CAN BE HERE AND WAYXH U GROW BC!!! IR TALENT SHOULD BE APPRECIATED!!

now to the req…. hehehe….. let me tell u how excited i was when i saw you’re taking k-dramas KMG!!!! so obv…

YUL FROM AOS!!! yul my beloved he’s such a cutie patootie– anyways… fluff: 39, 53 and other: 30!! idk i just feel like it suits him!!

MASTER YUL

genre. fluff. master x pupil trope. warnings. kissing. spoilers for aos ig? its not rly set in any particular episode but park jin is still the leader of songrim so i'd say loosely around ep 10-12. pairing. seo yul x fem!reader. wc. 2.1k. a/n. ahhhh axe tysm for requesting smth for yul 😭 our baby 🫶 i kinda got carried away with this and then didn't proof read it so idk how good it is lol but i had fun writing it!!

“Give me one chance. I can hold my own in a fight. I will do anything it takes.” You pleaded, practically begging at the steps of the training centre in Jeongjingak. 

People from low class families, and especially women were never accepted into Songrim Jeongjingak. Everyone in Daeho knew that, and you’d have to be a fool or stupidly brave to try to say otherwise. You were probably both given that you were standing by the doors of the training centre at the moment, your slightly scuffed up clothing and long hair giving you no favours. 

You wanted to blame your father for your current situation, but since he was currently cold in his grave and you respected him too much, you didn’t let your thoughts wander in that direction. 

He had always insisted that you needed to know how to defend yourself, starting at a young age. After years of burdensome training, you started to finally feel the rush and satisfaction of a fight. After years of complaining about the lessons your father taught you, you finally wanted to learn spells. You wanted to use the energy inside your body. You desperately wanted to feel like you were useful, powerful, capable. 

You excelled in all the ladylike areas, from sewing and needlework, to gardening, to singing and dancing thanks to your mother. But they were all just so boring. Your habit of spending your entire day in the public library reading all the books on spells started when you were 14. It only grew over the next few years until your father knew you wanted more than he could offer you.

He wasn’t a highly skilled mage, and in his lifetime had not needed to progress beyond Jipsu, the ability to gather the energy of water. You had mastered that years ago and had progressed to tackling the skill of Ryusu. You tried hard to master it on your own once your father taught you all his lessons, but it was a near impossible task.

You needed a master, but none would accept you as their pupil. After almost every master in the country turned you down for various reasons, you turned to your last option - Songrim.

Face to face with Lord Park, one of the most renowned mages in the capital, and the current leader of Songrim, you held your head high as he refused your pleas.

One look at you had him and the other mages glaring you down and shaking their heads with disapproval. They wouldn’t even give you a chance. Dozens of remarks were thrown at you. You let them pass through one ear and out the other, not letting these men get the chance to see you turn away defeated. You were already risking your pride begging them, but you wouldn’t leave without being able to showcase your skills first. 

“You really think our masters would waste their time and energy on a girl like you with no potential?” One rude young mage sneered, and you bowed your head further, finally feeling your blood boil with rage. You gripped your sword tight enough that your knuckles turned white, resisting the urge to unsheathe it and hold it to his neck. 

I have more potential in my left pinky finger than you or any of your ancestors have had for the past 300 years, you whispered under your breath in spite, making sure it wasn’t loud enough for him to hear it.

You were unaware of a party of mages returning to the training centre at the moment, and the one leading the way seemed to have picked up on what you were mumbling. He stood next to you, a slight smirk playing on his lips as he glanced at you.

“Cha Beom is an asshole, but I wouldn’t waste your words on him.”

You glanced to the side, surprised that someone was taking your side. As you looked him over, you were sure you had seen him somewhere before. His face was fair and handsome and his clothes were neat. He looked pristine and well-mannered, but more than anything, he looked like he stuck to the rules. He was probably the last person you pictured sticking up for someone like you. You also thought that the word ‘asshole’ didn’t fit coming from his mouth.

“I’ll spar with her. If she can beat me, let her train here. If she can’t, then I’ll train her myself.” The mage said confidently. Your eyebrows furrowed at his brazenness. Wouldn’t he get reprimanded for speaking such an outlandish thing?

But he didn’t.

You watched as Lord Park sighed and waved the young mage off. An older man, Master Heo, started to protest, but upon Lord Park’s clear disinterest in continuing the situation, he was silenced.

“Do what you wish with her, Yul. Train her yourself.”

The mage smiled at Lord Park and bowed before turning to you, “So, Y/n. Let’s see those skills, hm?”

“How do you know my name?”

“I know a lot of things.” He remarked.

“Do you really have what it takes to train me? Aren’t you just another mage at Jeongjingak?” You questioned with uncertainty, earning a scoff from the young mage. 

“You don’t know who I am, do you?” He asked in disbelief. 

“Should I?”

He nodded, “Let me explain it. I have always been the top student at Jeongjingak; I mastered all the books, reached Chisu in a short amount of time, and people always come to me when they need help. That is me, Seo Yul.”

“Ah… I see. You’re smarter than you look, then.” You concluded, walking forward.

Yul paused, eyes blinking and head turned to the side in thought, “Is that a compliment for my intelligence or an insult for my looks?” He called out to you, making you turn around again.

“It was meant to be neither, though I suppose you are… decent.”

“Decent?”

“Mm… Your looks aren’t exactly my style, but even I can’t deny that you’re not too bad.” You continued, smile widening every time his face further scrunched in confusion. Teasing him was more fun than you thought.

“Is this how you’re going to treat your new master?” 

“Why? You don’t like it?”

“You’re just very… blunt.”

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it, Master Yul.” 

Yul’s eyes widened slightly, the formality of the new name was far from the regular “Young Master Seo” he was used to hearing. Hearing it from you brought him some strange satisfaction and warmth. It was strange.

//

Yul was a hard master to please. More often than not, you felt like he was disappointed with you because he always kept a straight face. He always forced himself to hide his affection for you for fear that it would distract from your training, which frustrated you. You clinged onto the moments where he let his true emotions shine through just a bit. The lingering stares and little smiles— from those small moments you were sure that he was actually a warm person, and not the cold, strict master like he appeared on the outside. You just needed to find a way for him to break the facade. 

Because he was so skilled himself, impressing him only happened once in a blue moon. You tried your best, and improved quickly under his guidance. He would train you rigorously every weekday after his own training at Jeongjingak. Usually you would be by the river, using the rough and difficult terrain to your advantage. It definitely helped with your dexterity and swiftness. After just a few months, you had mastered Ryusu.

The bright smile on Yul’s face when you were finally able to gain energy from the water was one you would never forget. He even laughed a bit, and you swore you were happier about making him happy than progressing in your training.

Your love for teasing Yul never went away. His expressions were just too adorable to make you want to stop, and you felt that they gave him a small break from the pressure he was under as the eldest son of the Seo family. 

You were thinking about all your little habits you had picked up around Yul, when it hit you. How you felt that warm fluttering feeling in your stomach when you saw him smile, and the heat crept onto your cheeks whenever he had to touch your hand to show you a proper placement for a spell. That wasn’t a normal master-pupil thing. You liked him. 

As you packed up your supplies one late night by the river, his perfect face kept flashing in your mind. His cute smile curving on his lips like when you mastered another spell, the subtle curve of his nose, the plush berry colour of his lips, the softness in his eyes. He was truly one of the most pure humans you had ever come into contact with, and your adoration for him only grew everyday. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” You scolded yourself under your breath. Now that you were aware that you were in love with him, how much harder would it be to go to training with him? You were sure you were going to be flustered and tripping your own two feet the next time you tried to work on your spells with him.

“Who are you calling stupid?”

You flinched and turned around, seeing Yul sitting in one of the trees by the bank, watching you pack up intently. 

“Myself. Why’re you still here?” You asked, cheeks heating up when he jumped down from the tree smoothly and crouched down next to you to help you pack the rest of your things.

“Because my pupil is still here even though the sun has already set long ago.” He said, a smile playing on his lips but he suppressed it like always. His hand moved to pick up the bottle of medicinal herbs you had to put in your bag and his fingers brushed against yours, your cheeks heating up even more at the action. In a panic, you realised the moon shining down on you was just enough light for Yul to pick up on the colour of your cheeks. You silently cursed him for noticing every little detail about you.

“Wait… Are you blushing?” He asked with uncertainty. You backed away slightly, whispering a hushed “no” and hoping he would drop the subject. You weren’t used to this side of him, and your nerves grew every time his face inched closer to yours. How was he always so calm and collected while able to make you so flustered?

“Let me check your breathing technique, Y/n.” Yul said quietly, hand gently resting on your stomach. You looked up at him with wide eyes, breathing in short fast puffs. You saw his lips stretch into what looked like a smirk. “Your breathing is completely off. What did I tell you about practising it even when you’re not training?”

“I… I’m sorry. I must’ve… forgotten.” You mumbled, mind spinning as you wondered why his hand was still touching you.

“Do I need to remind you more often?” He asked, head tilting as he looked at you fondly. You stayed silent, wide eyes staring into his like he had put you in a trance— as if you were incapable of looking away.

Your eyes moved faster than your brain as they flickered down to his lips for a split second. If your brain was able to make a sound, it would be screaming at you right now. Why the heck would you do that? There was no way Yul wouldn’t catch on to it. You’re screwed.

You couldn’t think or even breathe when you saw him leaning in, eyes blinking closed until his soft lips finally met yours. Your cheeks burned as you kissed him back. You couldn’t think about anything but him - the feeling of having him so close, your hearts racing in sync, him pulling you closer by the waist. Your hands moved on their own, gently carding through the soft hairs at the back of his head until he eventually pulled out, still holding you close.

You caught your breath and calmed your racing heart, whispering a soft, “...Did you just kiss me?”

“Yes.” He smiled. You wondered when he got the power to steal all your confidence.

“Can you… do it again?” 

“I didn’t know you liked it that much.” He smiled, eyes glimmering, moonshine reflecting off his face, "I guess my looks are a bit more than just decent?" He teased as he leaned in once more, pressing another soft kiss to your lips.

[cosmicrecs]

Kpop Fic Recommendations

by yours truly @cosmicrecs 💛✨

okay so this is just gonna be a blog compiling all of my favorite fics, aus, and oneshots of all time (that are on tumblr) and i will update it as time goes on

i will break it up between groups (i mainly just read ateez and skz fics though) i will also put warnings if needed :) let me know if i miss any warnings though!

please support the blogs and authors themselves if you do end up enjoying their stories!! a little love goes a long way 🫶🏻

ATEEZ Fic Recommendations

💛 Pirate King by @chaseatinydream

sfw, pirate!au, ot8 but also reader x hongjoong or wooyoung (you'll see)

warnings: blood, wounds, in depth descriptions of injuries (both the characters and readers), guns & weaponry, just violence in general

by far this is my favorite ateez fic ive ever read its so well put together and thought out and the way she writes the characters and brings them to life is 😍😍

it is quite long but i promise you once you start reading you won't be able to stop, the character development and the readers role in the story is so fascinating i genuinely could not stop reading until i was finished

the ending is so beautiful as well GAHH i cannot recommend this fic enough guys 🙏🏻

💛 Stained Glass by @mingtinys

sfw, mafia!au, soulmate!au, san x reader, angst

warnings: blood, open wounds, violence, guns

guys. when i tell u this fic ruined my life 💔💔 its so good!!! heartbreaking and shattering but written so well how could i not love it :')

i'm not even san biased but this fic is SO good.. genuinely made me sob and fics never can do that to me usually 😭😭 please go check it out

💛 Entropy by @in-san-ity

nsfw, mafia!au, reader x yeosang, fluff, angst, smut

warnings: violence, guns, blood

guys guys guys guys. wrap yourself in a blanket and grab a snack bc this fic may be a little long but it is SO good

if you don't like kids maybe this one isn't for you but GODD everything abt this one spoke to me!! getting to see yeosang w a kid and help out of a dangerous environment...... idk man i just rly like this one and personally i really think you should also check it out 🔪 (this is a threat)

Stray Kids Fic Recommendations

💛 Star Lost by @nomniki

sfw, jeongin x reader, smau, soulmate!au, college!au, some angst

warnings: swearing?? i cant remember any more T-T

okay im not jeongin biased but this au is so well put together and just funny i rly rly enjoyed it

mostly fun w some angst idk its just a lighthearted read and i rly do recommend it:)

💛 Things Stray Kids Do That Make Your Heart Flutter by @aclowntiny

sfw, skz x reader , fluff ‼️

had me blushing giggling kicking my feet 🤭 so cute so sweet yesyes

one of my fave writers on this site!!! pls go check it out and her other stuff :)

[royaltrios]

this tornado loves you fic notes

ok i held off on the dad kink for like 4 full fics alright. give a guy a break

this idea started as just kyouji making satomi ride him but completely refusing to actually fuck him + not let satomi move until he admits what kyouji wants to hear...... and it stayed that so yay (innocently chinhands) i mostly outlined how i wanted important dialogue beats to go seeing as the plot is pretty cut and dry, however i did doodle these at work to better picture the scene w them on the couch lmfao

this did start as fully dubcon before i honed more in on what i wanted to do with it. id say it ended up more so as just being like under-negotiated kink + kyouji's phd in pushing boundaries. but you can trust him he knows what satomi really wants (probably!)

i do not remember the last time i opened a fic with a sex scene. im always kind of nervous to do it?? but i think it works here with two smut scenes sandwiching the fic overall

i wanted to make sure that satomi calling him dad while being fucked didnt cause kyouji to pause (physically) at all. i 100% believe he would just immediately internalize that and go with it. kyst worst communicators of the year 4 years running

the yakuza interlude was fun to write... it turns out a year+ of reading rgg fics and working my way thru the games lends itself to me rly enjoying writing about that stuff lol. and i needed to have kyouji think on his feelings before they got back together for the last scene, so what better way to do that than juxtaposing it against his gritty job stuff. something about it is so extremely gap moe right

the movie's la la land im sorry to spoil it if u didnt know or wanted to guess v_v ive never seen it but 1. the parody poster of it they did for the karaiko movie and 2. like every other person with eyes im unreasonably attached to the twice what is love mv

the title's from the neko case song! and the makihara song was kind of a random pull on my end but i think it fits. in my defense the songs that satomi gives him in canon are like half super cutesy lyrics-wise… so i dont think its that far off to imagine he secretly likes kyouji saying that sweet stuff to him... i listened to mostly the aforementioned songs + 80s/90s jpop while writing (southern all stars, yutaka ozaki)

was thinking about what kyouji could have satomi say as the kinda linchpin moment (lol) and then 'i love you' hit me like a fucking truck. i was like holy shit. he absolutely would, hes horrible! kyouji 'id rather get this kid to call me dad than admit i want to spend the rest of my life with him normally' narita

i started writing 1/27 worked on it pretty consistently except when i went away last weekend and forced myself not to reread it or make any edits while i was traveling... i finished the draft and then passed it to art who was kind enough to beta (i was worried this was genuinely incomprehensible to anyone but me so i needed to be sure) putting distance between urself and ur draft is good who'd have thought.... not i

overall though i had so much fun with this one!!!!! i kept being excited to return to it and there were many days where all i wanted was to go home and sit and work on it. its the first really indulgent fic ive written in a bit haha. i hope other people like it as much as i do :'] i feel like ive hit my stride with this ship and im looking forward to whatever i write next.... yaahoooo

[heich0e]

liv…. i eat up your dialogue EVERY TIME like a crazy person.. if you post smth for someone i dont go here for, i read it just because 🤍 i 🤍 love 🤍 your 🤍 writing 🤍 but that being said……. i must know the details of the canonverse levi wip you posted. what did erwin do! what was levi and r’s relationship! how!!!!

if you're genuinely interested, i really don't mind telling u what the plot is because i will quite literally never post it. it was the first fic i ever wrote for any anime, and i hadn't even gotten very far into the actual show at the point of writing—so while some aspects are (tenuously) canon-compliant, there are also many very clear ways in which it is not.

so, to reduce that terrible levi x reader fic (it's so bad and i MEAN that!!) down to its barest bones, start to finish:

[WARNING: THERE IS AN ENTIRE FIC SUMMARIZED UNDER THIS READ MORE AND IT IS MULTIPLE THOUSANDS OF WORDS LONG. THEMES INCLUDE: DUBCON, CANON CHARACTER DEATH, VAGUELY MISOGYNISTIC TONES, AND EVERY SINGLE CRINGE-Y FANFIC CLICHE U CAN IMAGINE. BYE.]

at the point where the fic opens, reader is a young, low-ranking soldier in the survey corps on her way to mitras with levi and erwin to attend a small gala being hosted by a very wealthy family that they're petitioning (effectively wooing) to provide funding for the corps

the reason reader is asked to come along is because she comes from a very good family in mitras and is connected to the "high society" folk—though never explicitly stated, erwin very much intends to use her and her social graces as a sort of poster child and mouthpiece for the corps, in hopes that she can charm ppl and help them gain favour to accomplish their goal

all things considered, reader was very privileged growing up and had as comfortable/luxurious of a life as anyone (at least anyone in paradis) could possibly hope to have. her family is aristocracy/noble and comes from a long line of "wealth." her father is a doctor who consults with the military in a high ranking capacity—though he's never actively been a soldier, and it's largely just a cushy job where he doesn't do much actual grunt work, just gets consulted on things and sits on boards or whatever

reader graduated from school and enlisted in the military when she came of age—to the shock and horror of her family (especially her mother) and their noble peers. but she felt an impetus to do something with her life that wasn't just sit around docilely and look pretty until eventually her father handed her over to an advantageous husband and she went from daughter to wife and surely then eventually mother—while never actually having any agency or choice for herself

because reader was well-educated from childhood, she did well academically at the cadet academy, and because she grew up in a comfortable home she is physically very competent as well (though truthfully her skill as a soldier is often very OP and cringey to read back now... but it was my first fic! sue me!)

levi and reader don't interact much in the corps (as he's not her squad leader) but when they do they're constantly at odds—he thinks less of her as a result of her silver spoon upbringing, and while she doesn't dislike him, per se, she definitely resents his treatment of her

on the trip to mitras (alongside a very uncomfortable homecoming to her estranged family's home with two men who are effectively her bosses) they attend the gala/banquet and it's revealed that the family hosting it is the most wealthy in mitras (save for the royal family, though they're sort of unofficially considered the second-in-command) who reader is very familiar with—they have a son her age, and a few daughters slightly younger, who she grew up close to (i made all these characters up btw.... first fic liv was rly going wild)

the son from this family was always sort of sweet on reader growing up, and they have a vaguely romantic history in their teens (before reader enlisted.) reader very quickly surmises that she was brought along (or at the very least is able) to possibly sway the son in their favour, as the eldest and heir to this family's fortune, who would in turn convince the father to support the corps

the son (his name is adam btw. if anyone cares? lmao) is actually very sweet, and earnestly cares for her. he's just blinded by his own affluence to a lot of realities—like most extremely wealthy people are

reader is a good soldier and she's cunning, and she knows that what she's doing is ethically/morally questionable but in the interest of the greater good she goes along with some flirtation/manipulation for the cause

the story progresses and reader continues her work in the military, but the heir from this family is clearly infatuated with her and he (and his father/family by extension) begin implicating themselves more heavily with the military as an excuse to see her/spend time with her/etc though of course it's all under the guise of official business

so it's like the life she fled is bleeding into the one she built for herself, and it's stark juxtaposition becomes very clear in those instances where they overlap and she's forced to juggle them both

she just wants to be a soldier and do good. erwin is (in so many words) pressuring her to do her part and keep up the charade. levi is watching this all unfold from the wings and starts to feel some genuine sympathy for her

lots of very dramatic things happen, yadda yadda yadda. levi grows less hostile over time, and reader becomes closer to him. she's always respected him and that grows into something mutual. there's a lot of unspoken tension brewing between them

it's revealed that reader threw her cadet exam results so that she wouldn't be in the top of her class, and therefore couldn't become an MP and had to join either the garrison or the scouts. she did it intentionally (erwin knew and used this to his advantage) so that her family wouldn't be able to force her back to mitras. when levi realizes what erwin did/knew and how he used it to his own advantage it really upsets him, because he's basically pimping reader out for the betterment of the survey corps. this is the first time you really see levi get angry about the way she's being used (and you can infer in this moment that he maybe cares about her a bit)

more dramatic stuff happens!

the story culminates in the reveal that the son is planning to ask for reader's hand in marriage. her own family has already agreed. part of the financial agreement the powerful family has made with the survey corps is that reader will effectively be retired once she marries (and transferred to a clerical role with the MPs. desk work, basically. fake work, for all intents and purposes, because the position was made up just for her)

reader goes to erwin, understandably extremely distraught when she finds out, and begs him to stop it from happening. she doesn't really care about getting married, but she doesn't want to leave the scouts. he effectively (though not explicitly/in these particular words) implies that maybe if she fucks her "fiance" he'll be more open to compromise and let her stay in the corps

she does it, but unsurprisingly loverboy is not about to let the woman he's obsessed with (who he has now officially boned lmao) go back to risking her life every day in the military, and it's almost immediately revealed that her plan didn't work at all

(erwin pretty much knew the whole time it wasn't going to work. bastard.)

reader feels betrayed and helpless. she goes to levi the night before she's set to leave—who basically is like "uhhhh i told you so??" upon finding out what's happened—and they end up sleeping together anyway in a very emotionally fraught and vulnerable moment

she leaves the next day

a timeskip happens. turns out that the ENTIRETY of the wealthy family was killed in the attack in mitras (like between annie and eren's titans i think? don't remember what season that is. a lot of ppl get smooshed in a church. they were there.)

but reader had already been married into the family. she wasn't in the church and inherited the entirety of their wealth as the sole surviving family member.

she was also.... pregnant :) (of course she was! this fic hits every trope and bad fanfic cliche! maybe it's twins!)

levi is back in mitras years (??) later (listen.... i didn't know where the hell the canon storyline of this manga was going at the time so FORGIVE ME for the fact that obviously this is not canon compliant l m a o)

reader has become sort of a recluse since everything happened in mitras, but having inherited the wealth she's become a key figure politically and particularly with respect to the military because of her influence as a donor.

levi tracks her down to this surprisingly humble property on the outskirts of town.

there's a little boy playing in the yard. no more than four or five. he has dark hair and slate grey eyes. levi looks at this child and sees his mother's face.

the little boy speaks to him but levi is (understandably) very confused and disoriented. reader comes outside and is shocked to see levi there. like she's seeing a ghost.

reader tells the little boy to come to her and scoops him up in her arms, and she quietly reminds him (his name is Teddy btw... short for Theodore) that he's not supposed to talk to strangers.

and Teddy leans in real close and says "but mama... he has your wings" because Levi is wearing his survey corps uniform with the insignia on them. you've kept your own patch (a parting gift from erwin when he sold you off... how thoughtful) and treasure it.

all of which is to say that basically Levi is the kid's father, but because reader was already married when her pregnancy was discovered and the timeline still checked out—so no one ever questioned the paternity (especially because she was a WIDOW by the time she gave birth.)

teddy is now the "legitimate" heir to the entire fortune that was left by reader's husband/his family, but until he comes of age it's reader's to manage, so she can provide a safe home for him to grow up in—though notably removed from the society that she was raised in.

it's heavily implied (though not actually confessed) that reader and levi have been in love with each other for all these years, and there's a kind of optimism about what future is ahead for them now that their paths have crossed again. (present day canon-knowing liv is laughing at this part in particular.)

the end.

[luvhyun3]

It's the season of love! and you know what that means, time to find yourself a valentine! and who better than one of your beloved mutuals? answer these questions, and the mutual with the most mentions your tumblr valentine:

Mutual you can always rely on?

Mutual who never misses a post?

Mutual you share the most interests with?

Mutual you have the most in common with?

Mutual you look up to?

Mutual you'd run away and live in a cottage with?

Spouse material mutual?

Mutual with the best personality?

Mutual that never fails to make you laugh?

Mutual you'd have a crush on if you knew them irl?

Mutual you absolutely cannot live without?

figured i’d actually do a game for once 💀 im sorry y’all i swear i’ll get to them one day…. until then keep tagging me i may not do them but it makes me feel good being included anyway 🥰🤞

mutual who never misses a post — without a doubt @j0swhiterice 🤭🤭 my number one supporter since she started following me <33 she likes pretty much everything i post HAHAHAHHS thank u for that ily

mutual you’d run away and live in a cottage with — @1-800-lixie she gives very cottagecore vibes idk ,,, i feel like it’d be very fun living somewhere idyllic and tending to a cute lil cottage w a pretty garden w her <33

mutual that never fails to make u laugh — @yujipg sae ur so funny im dying literally every time u post/comment how do u do it (also off topic but u genuinely make me smile sm every time u interact w my posts ur so fun to talk to 🫶)

spouse material mutual — @cutieseo fae’s so lovely i think she defs fits this one 🤭💓 would get down on one knee if she asked

mutual(s) you look up to (this is less a ‘look up to’ section and more an excuse to compliment my moots 🌝) —

@torhues ur so smart and cool and funny and u have rly good writing … that was rly badly worded but i want u to know that i think ur great ☺️

@hwangsify i know u arent on tumblr anymore but ur writing was genuinely some of the most beautiful stuff i’ve read on tumblr i still come back to it sometimes bc its SO GOOD

@byhees too !!! i’ve only just become moots w u recently but ur writing is so beautiful and u seem like such a lovely person !! 🫶

@acaiasahi ur themes always slap and u have the most based opinions 🙏🙏

@i-luvsang i havent interacted w u very much but u have such a pretty acc ++ the cutest fics ever

@jennaissantes u seem like such a cool person i’d defs wanna be bsfs with u if i knew u irl

mutual you’d have a crush on irl — @astrozuya based off vibes i think i’d find you cute too 🤭🤭

@dokiyeom also bc she gives cute girl next door vibes i think🫣 🫶

mutual you have the most in common with — @ everyone bc we’re all obsessed w unobtainable korean men ….

@ox1-lovesick honourable mention bc U GET ME when it comes to my struggles on atzblr/blr in general 😓 ty for being there at my lowest 🤞

mutual you share the most interests with — see above ^

mutual with the best personality — cmon guys i feel like it’s pretty obvious that it’d be me 😒 (/j)

mutual you absolutely cannot live without — @cheezbot my love ever since u left me i havent been able to live with myself … u pieced my heart together and then ripped it out of my chest, leaving me unable to love and trust ever again ☹️☹️

mutual you can always rely on — @n0vad ty for giving me ur english answers 🙏🙏

@svngcore i can always rely on you to be my most delulu moot 🙄

im sorry if i didn’t include u! i love all my moots very much but im a bit forgetful 😞

[yestrday]

YESTER. I kind of went on a binge reading spree of ur genshin stuff oops .. but omg I never realized how good your characterizations are until reading all of your aus side by side??? LIKE, I already thought ur characterizations of the characters was good, but OMG reading ur aus just made me srsly appreciate them. I DONT GET HOW U DO IT??? u manage to keep small tidbits of canon lore or eastereggs in these aus, while keeping them kinda separate and distant from canon teyvat, but u also manage to capture and keep the characters canon personalities consistent while adding your own little yandere twists. WHICH IS SOMETHING I THINK IS INSANELY IMPRESSIVE, from my personal experience of writing yandere, I kind of get swept up in making them a yandere to realize it's too ooc for them until it's too late, but i have never felt that you have wrote any of the charas too ooc even once. WHICH, LIKE, HOW????? how do u manage to add these delicious subtle yandere tendencies to some characters and then the more obvious yandere tendencies to other characters while all making it fit with the character as a whole?? like I'm over here nodding my head like "yes, that makes total sense considering his personality 🧐🥸" sorry if this doesn't rly make sense BUT ITS JUST SO COOL. and I also really like how u keep your yandere headcanons for characters consistent / staying in character across aus while keeping them specifically catered to that au?? :P I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT 😭 but the way u keep some of their yandere tendencies (like venti and his perversion LMAOO) consistent no matter if it's the academy au, househusband au, or hybrid au is really cool, and it's not overdone to the point that it's like I know what to expect?? (does that make sense pls jelp) like ya venti has his perverted habits regardless of which au, but at the same time, u add something to each au that makes it slightly different and therefore unique so it's not repetitive and overused (???) IDK I JUST REALLY LIKE THE WAY U WRITE THESE LITTLE GENSHIN LOSERS LMFAOO

HELP SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG I just meant to make a cool little comment about ur writing but it kind of turned into rambling 😭💀💀

also happy pride month to u or ur followers if any of them r gay WOOHOO GAY PPL 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈👍

omg babe this long ass essay's got me in love come here and let me give u a big smooch <3

ANYWAYS IM HAPPY SOMEONE APPRECIATES THIS... everytime i start working on my aus, i open the boy's genshin wiki and start reading the fuck out of the lore just so that i can have a good read on their personality... there's also some litle trivias there that if you expand on can make for some pretty good yandere

anyways anon you're so hot for this essay and HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TO THE ALPHABET COMMUNITY 🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈

[heleizition]

AIGHT im back and i did the reading and i need to know e v e r y t h i n g about the naruto au im not even fucking around. the amount of times ive fixated on that shit despite never finishing it is unreal. also which one was the one that got beheaded? because thats superb shit and i require more information to rotate them in my mind

HIIIIIII thank u so much for this ask i saw it at work and i was SO EXCITED to get home and tell u all about a) the naruto au b) eden who's the one who gets beheaded :3

BTW you can find the art i did of my ocs by checking out the tags on my blog of their name (ex nell art is under #nell, vik's is under #vik ...)

i'll start with eden !!! he's my token white haired guy (altho i have also a white haired girl in the same group of oc lol) to whom i do many terrible things. ever since i created him he's had a scenario where his neck got hurt (electric shock to his neck, knife injury, beheading to simply head explosiong lmao). he's an angel in the angel/demon scenario and the village's doctor in the farm au :3 he's always some sort of healer ! (he's that one "im a healer but... *cocks gun*" meme)

in the angel au he has extraordinary healing powers that antagonists want for themselves until they realise eden is not gonna give under the pressure and side with them so they behead him/make his head explode. not quite sure whcih one yet <3. except he doesn't die bc his power is more. body manipulation than healing and it acts by itself and stitch him back together . its a very traumatizing process but in return he destroys the other guys : D he's often nell's best friend in aus... moody guys who become menaces together. he was supposed to end up w jasper when i very first made him but eh !!!

THE NARUTO AU

okay so . disclaimer most of what i know of naruto is memories from what i watched when i was a young teen and a lot of sakura centered fanfics ive read the past few months lol

the story focus on on genin team but for the sake of the story ill jst go and talk abt the others too :

a) main genin team is nell, vik, lena and their teacher abel

b) second genin team is belly, jasper and eden with their teacher noah

c) cody is basically tsunade, titania is a civilian from a noble family who has a whole side story with lena lol

nell and belly (twins) are illegitimate kids from a clan's girl, who possess the clan's kekkei genkai. no i dont know what it is yet it's not even relevant to the story SEFJSEFOSFJOE

once their mother die they're put under the care of their mother's clan, where they're not rly treated well,,,, belly is a natural as using the clan's technic while nell isn't,,, they stick together but they're treated different and it sucks. tbh nell and belly's ways of dealing with family trauma is a recurring theme in all of the universes they're part of...

nell's fighting style focus on ice jutsu mostly, he's not a powerhouse but he's deadly. belly is more of a brawler type but i havent figured it out much yet :]

vik is an orphan who was groomed into roots (in universe it's a secret unit of ninjas like anbu but it's controlled by danzou who's a fucker and stole kekkei genkai including sharingans by STEALING DEAD PEOPLE'S EYES), who want's belly & nell's clan's kekkei genkai, and who's sent to pass as a new genin in nell's team to gain his trust and kill him and take his eyes,,, theres prob something going on to take belly's also but i havent gotten that far lol

lena (my BABYGIRL) is a civilian, born from a big player merchant family, who's supposed to inherit her parent's role but does Not want to :] she's lovely she's great she has a lot of chakra that she uses for summons (tigers!!!) and also she IS a powerhouse (uses . axes). not the most usefull of spy missions lol i love her <3

abel, in most of my stories, is a big brother figure to most of the kids especially nell,,,, i have not figured out yet what exaclty he does in this au BUT he and cody are old buddies and are destined to be together in all of my aus. anyway

quick other stuff, belly is very angry in hte beginning like her brother and does not know how to work with a team, jasper is kind and gentle and has to learn how to deal with her, also later masters mokuton (tree/plants jutsu) (which makes him very precious and rare), eden is once again a healer in this except he also works with poisons. bitch

and their teacher, noah, also works in torture and interrogation which will come up later.

basically the story follows nell's team as they meet and start working with each other, vik realising that maybe he's doing something that he shouldn't, almost kills nell once when infiltrating his living place but manages to get out when he hears belly coming in, discovers the power of friendship, then they're sent in the death forest for their chunin exam, antagonist guy sends more roots agents bc vik can't do the job, vik protects nell and lena, spills as much of the beans as he can before the seal in his throat starts to paralyze him, nell holds on to him for dear life and fights the other roots, lena gets one of her summoned tiger to go find eden and his team who save the day & also vik...

once vik is saved he cooperated with t&i and noah, who works on the case, adopts him,,, all is well. its not much . i feel like i had more thoughts lmao but its all messy in my head <3 thank u for reading

[whoviandoodler]

ok ok ok. i finished tgcf (extras excluded, my soul needs a break so i'll read those tomorrow jkddjksj) after days and days of reading (i didnt know going in that it would be like. twice the size of mdzs, but thats on me for assuming that it would be roughly as long as mdzs)

i absolutely did start reading it bcs of mdzs, bcs i loved mdzs and knew that the author's other works would absolutely be worth the while, but while i read mxtx's end notes where she talks abt how some ppl went into it expecting another mdzs, and how a second mdzs will never happy, i mostly just thought, ofc not, each book is it's own, and im actually rly happy that it wasnt like mdzs- when i went in, i was afraid that the chars would be too similar to those in mdzs (not bcs i think mxtx isnt a good writer, but bcs some authors dont know how to write dif chars for dif stories, and u never knew how an author is until u read their second work) and that i wouldnt be able to enjoy it bcs i would be stuck thinking abt mdzs the whole time, but thankfully my hope payed off and they were their own chars, and their stories v quickly hooked me and i only paid attention to them while reading

nothing will be able to top how mdzs shattered me completely, but i didnt go into tgcf expecting another emotional breakdown (i even picked it up bcs i heard it was a bit lighter than mdzs), and it actually delivered exactly what i wanted- a rly interesting, captivating story, a pleasant and enjoyable read, and something different from mdzs but still written with the same skill of mdzs

also, i rlyyy loved the way the story in tgcf is constructed- i gen believed going into it that it would be like 'ok lets find out abt the pasts of the mcs and then do adventures and be merry', like pretty straightforward (like mdzs was in a way skjskd shoot me i couldnt help coming in w expectations of similarities at the beginning), and it (in the best way) hit me from left field with its complexity and how much further it reached in the setting's depth than id expected (idk if anyone's read jordan l hawk's widdershins, but the bastard series did the same thing to me, so im wagging my finger affectionately at them both)

anyhow, excellent story, rly glad i read it, and cant wait to give svsss a try sometime in the future. thank u for ur hard work mxtx, ur works are a gift

[quinnonimp]

do you have any favorite books/movies/shows? (this is me asking you to ramble about your favorite piece of media, I'm in the mood for special interest talk.)

ooo im not much of a consumer of media but one of my favorites is homestuck !!!! ill talk abt it, but mind u im kind of horrible at talking abt my interests </3

im not that old of a homestuck fan (only got into it around 2020 i think) but FUUUUUCK its such a huge part of my life and probably my longest hyperfixation, might even be a special interest with how much i still think abt it at random intervals or small associations

im honestly a little of scared of falling back into my hyperfixation of it though ? theres a few small reasons but i think its mostly just me being scared of commitment to anything as always (which is probablt also why i barely consume media) . recently i was REEEALLY close to but new ccquackity/ccwilbur activity dragged me away to safety lmfao (if u could even call a dsmp/tntduo hyperfixation safety)

smth i rly love abt homestuck is the way its so incredibly focused on characterization rather than story

like YES it does have a great story but its clearly messy n weird n hussie just kind of throws anything up in the air and just the dumbest shit ever can happens, and while that is aswell smth i absolutely fucking love - the characters r a way bigger deal n more interesting than anything the story will conjure up, and thats definitely my favorite way of writing media

cause like, yknow, good characters can absolutely save a bad story, but a good story cant rly save bad characters

plus theres so many characters and theyre all so well written that its easy to find a fan for each of them

my favorite character is 100% gamzee, im so fucking normal abt him, like oh my god i love that dude so much and the little idealized version of him i have inside my head lmao . mostly the earlier stuff is what i like of him though

fun fact ! hes part the reason im not scared of clowns anymore . i used to be terrified of clowns so when i first read homestuck i thought he was the most annoying freak in the world and DESPISED him, until i started looking more into purplebloods and gradually liked gamzee more until suddenly clowns r now my entire personality

i have so many reasons to love gamzee, but a lot of it has to do with just the plain fact i relate to him and when i see him i go "damn hes just like me fr" . like just . idk . his mannerisms n the way he dresses n looks r pretty similar to mine nowadays - except the whole "murderous instincts" thing, i think . and because of the way i havent read the comic in a while this self projection has really marinated itself

hes also sooooo brasileiro nordestino bc i said so 🤏

other favorite characters of mine are roxy, jade, kurloz, aradia, meenah, and calliope . plus, hes not a favorite but: when i got into homestuck i used to be a way louder energetic person, so my friends would say i was literally karkat, which infuriated the hell out of me x)

classpects is one of my biggest interests in homestuck, i fucking love them so much, im such a personality wizard i will latch onto anything personality related so hard . theyre great for initiating 60 page analysis on favorite characters (or ocs) and are so amazing for characterizing ocs its crazy, and aswell as to just classpect friends or random funny shit . i love them !!

in fact once i made an entire analysis to my friends as to why mosquitos r thiefs of blood, and there were so so so many more reasons than just the funny idea of classpecting a mosquito something called "THIEF of BLOOD"

though what i think a lot of ppl forget though is that while yes theyre heavily based on personality, theyre based on narrative aswell, which is why a real person can never have 1 set classpect all throughout their life since we well dont know the narrative we live in, we dont know our paths or our conclusions or how we'll end up and thats an important thing to know when classpecting since the way to godhood in sburb is a personal journey to self improvement, yknow ?

(though ofc if u wanna classpect solely based on personality go right ahead . the world is yours)

in this era of my life id consider myself a maid of space (which is a cool as fuck classpect and gets me the coolest powers EVER !!!!!!), but 1-2 years ago i considered myself a rogue of blood, then a rogue of rage, then a rogue of space (i was very rogue-ey), plus a few others here n there, and if i were to classpect myself from 3-4 years ago i would be a witch of rage/blood

i just think seeing the way change happens and the way we can see that change through a silly lens such as classpects is cool . with the way my obsessions work im obviously gonna look at the world with anything that associates with my interests in the back of my head, so im gonna start classpecting something like a glass jar if i take a look at it, and thats fun as hell !!

ive changed a lot throughout the years just as everyone does and im gonna continue changing, so who knows what classpect i end up with in another year or two ! its fun to think abt

ill leave my thoughts with that but thanks for asking :.))))

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi, im a mutual of yours who is too shy/on&off tumblr to interact, but i do look up to you; and your blog and way of seeing things helped me in the past when i was struggling quite a bit.

Lately I feel as if im lost in life, lost my passions and floating aimlessly without a real goal, detached from the future etc. Do you have any advice? I appreciate ur view on things, hope this isnt overstepping 🌦🌈

hi its ok no pressure too interact w me ona personal level just cus were mutuals i enjoy the ambient bonds that can form on this website its why i stay ^^ and no it's not overstepping at a;ll sorry it took me a lil while to respond i was trying to think of good advice since i often feel lost too---

well firs t n foremost to give credit where credit is due, this bjork reddit AMA response really gets to the bottom of it , ever since i first read this here on tumbr a few years ago it really rly stuck w me:

the way this answer helped me is like, it helped me realize i dont need to be so regimented i dont need to put all this pressure on myself to create..All that does is feed into self inflicted guilt when i cant live up to my own expectations u.u you see for my whole life i've never been able to plan anything. yes i can think about the next steps i want to take, i can assemble a plan, i can see the logical way forward, but my moods. or like, idek. how to explain..

i cant force anything. if im not feeling it, i cant force it. ive STRUGGLED w this like i dont wanna be this way. because my feelings i cant predict. like for example i worked on music all winter because thats what i was feeling. then suddenly in march i just like, wasnt feeling it all of a sudden. As soon as it hit me i was like Fy767*T&UG*** because i didnt know when it was gonna come back. i still dont know!! im just trying to be patient waiting it out..in the mean time i have suddenly become enthused with drawing again after not ~feeling~ drawing for most of 2023. sometimes i go for weeks where i dont take a single photo and then suddenly it starts flowing again.. my website was also left untouched for most of 2023 until recently.

thats just one example of this repeating pattern in my life that i didnt understand for so long. theres years of my 20s where i couldnt feel passion for anything at all, looking back now i believe those times i was meant to be focusing on stuff in my psyche that needed healing to clear out some headspace for art. and this bjork quote put a lot into perspective it showed me how to reformulate my thinking to be more accomodating to my disposition. when i'm patient & kind w myself, take each day as it comes, let go of the imaginary pressure, let go of "the future", stuff starts to come thru easier.

and maube its gonna show up in ways you dont expect but its true that the mundane world offers so many ways to practice being creative & giving u stuff to weave into the art u want to create.. every water fall starts w a single drop its trueits true :] thats my advice i spose i really didnt meant to write this much but im boooored.. actually my nighttime boredom writing is one of those habits i never considered to b creative until very recently. there's so many small & automatic things we do that can lead to a meaningful life & purpose.

thanks for the question anon i hope this helps in some way , this is whats helped me but everyone's process is different. and i still have moments where im like WTFFF is happening but its easier to ride it out now. i wish the same for you just give it time <3 thanks again xPmd9

[kindestegg]

HELLO I AM MOTH FROM TOH RETIREMENT HOME DISCORD!! I would like to know what you think about the collector's stuff!!!

HELLO!! THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF ME!! IT MEANS A LOT YOU STILL DO <333 I HOPE EVERYONES DOING OK THERE X3

UHHH UHMMM WELL! UHHH!!

PLEASE GIVE ME TIME!! I DOWNED LIKE HALF A CAN OF BEER FOR THE OCCASION I AM WOOZY I AM NOT ELOQIEUWNET ANT THE MOMENT! BUT IF YOU WOULD STILL LIKE TO GET MY INSANELY RAMBLY THOUGHTS FULL OF SPOILERS PLEASE HIT THE READ MORE!

this surprised me so much!! i expected them to lean more into their anger but it rly was just that one nightmare sequence that they still felt bad about, plus the weird huge games was them ACTIVELY TRYING!! and OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SEE I WAS RIGHT THEY LOVE TITANS SO MUCH!! THEY GREW UP AROUND THEM FOR A BIT! THEY KNOW ABOUT TITAN ANATOMY AND CULTURE! THEM PLAYING WITH THE BABIES WAS NOT A ONE OFF THING! AND HE FEELS SAD!

but i am conflicted! i did NOT expect them to go with the direction that colly doesnt understand the implications of death, n my god did he get traumatized even further by having to experience seeing it happen to someone he was jsut starting to care about first hand. AND THEN OH MY GOD. KING JUMPING IN TO SAVE HIM??? THE WAY THAT THEY SHUT DOWN ANY DOUBTS THEY LIKED EACH OTHER?? MULTIPLE TIMES??: KING SAYING HE WANTED TO SEE HIM AGAIN?? WHAAAAAT!

its just so. oh my god colly is SO loving he has such a GIANT heart full of kindness n he just never GOT to use it until someone gave him the chance n showed him how!! the fucking CALLBACK to luz holding the portal together with him holding the archive house together!! the way he was literally LOSING HIS POWERS and yet he STILL went out of his way to help! SO SELFLESS LITERALLY!

the implication they built the portal even! and he either was around to say hi or he explicitly programmed it with a greeting!! THATS SO CUTE! and they visit! OFTEN! like a little passing comet! thats a prediction i had... one of my very first about collys fate actually! a traveling star, coming back once in a while to see the planet hes most attached to! i do wonder if eventually later hell settle into staying after the "growing up"... heh... samsa pointed out my teen colly n king fics can still work... (king is like 12-14 here depending how u read his age, my fics have him n colly be around 16 so!)

well uhm sorry i am losing gas i can barely think!! i need time time time... see you in a while?

[magnoliamyrrh]

Thank you for talking about all this even through it's uncomfortable. I'm from the Balkans too and I went through some similar things, but I did not know it was such a common experience until I read the other anons and your experiences. I have never really told anyone about it and I still have hard time knowing how to feel, but I think what my Aunt did technically count as being molested? When I was still rather young she would "play" with me down there often and it would always feel overwhelming and too much. It has always made me feel odd looking back at it, and it disturb me to realize that she probably made me orgasm, but because it was not forced or painful and she was nice and because it was normalized for family to grope and sexualize in general I never complained or knew it was wrong and I have never known if it counts as actually being abused or not. But I guess... I am starting to realize that was not really normal

hey <3 yea, of course. i think its helpful to talk abt this shit for once, this culture of silence and shame and normalization doesnt seem to have rly helped any of us. thank you for sending this too

no its.. its definitely not normal, and im sorry you went through any of this anon <3 v much sending u a hug. we have just... for sure normalized a certain level and kind of pedophilia and incest in the balkans, particularly with young children, and its... really fucking weird. i totally get what you mean, i grew up w a v similar thing for years, and its v confusing and conflicting to grow up and realize it.. wasnt ok..this whole thing w messing around w little kids like that in the open and noone seeming to have any issue w it whatsoever bc they find it cute or endearing or playful or harmless or whatever the hell is just. really fucking weird. really weird. i still have a rather hard time trying to wrap my head around it bc i just.... really don't fucking get it ?? ive never been around a kid and thought oh yea hey you know what would be cute. doing that. and yet somehow this was just. fine???

and i know what you mean. often when you think of abuse or csa you think of something that is traumatic and violent and forced and leaves you feeling scared and violated and... its real odd when its not like that, and when it was just kinda a normalized thing that didnt necessarly seem bad or unpleasant or unwanted or traumatizing in the usual sense, tho personally i do think it definitely fucked me up. i think it makes it harder to know how the hell to feel about it, or how to feel about these people frankly.... i really dont know what to make of them. is this pedophilic behavior? yes...? do i think theyre pedophiles......???? yes? no? both? i have no idea, it doesnt seem like the sort of thing they do to get themselves off but rather bc its just.. normal to them and a normal way to show affection even though it is most fucking definitely not, and its definitely abusive. ..... I don't know. it really is all such a confusing entangeled mess, and I still cant believe weve somehow reached the point culturally where this stuff is just so normalized. im sorry again that uve been through this too anon im wishing u all the best and may you find some peace with all of this <3