#and trapped in a blame spiral. the gaslighting works to a degree
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#the last thing i sent them the day this ended was an apology bc i was just scared#and trapped in a blame spiral. the gaslighting works to a degree#but they didn't and they don't deserve it.#this whole shit started bc they expected me to put up with debasing myself for their own irrational fear of me and their own cruelty#you can say “guilt is an unproductive emotion” all you want but it's not going to change the fact that sometimes you fucking should be#if running away from that guilt is going to lead to you treating people who care about you like shit. who you supposedly care about#but that's not my fucking responsibility and i shouldn't have even bothered trying to say “please love me better”#when their prerogative was acting in the most cruel and destabilizing way out of absurd and irrational “self protection” against shadows#it's fucked up
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