#and tomorrow's snip (that i have planned but am not writing tonight) will be the prologue to book 3

[ghost-town-story]

The wind whistled between the empty buildings that still stood in the center of the village, blowing the snow into high drifts around some of them. The horses’ hooves crunched through the snow as the group made their way through the abandoned village. A few of the soldiers kept shooting nervous glances over their shoulders, but their leader moved on, fearless and uncaring if anybody heard them pass through the ghost town.

Finally, they reached the edge of the village, where the buildings had long ago succumbed to nature and collapse and now resembled little more than verdant mounds. A few yards away stood the reason for the village’s abandonment.

A hedge stretched nearly twenty feet into the sky, sharp thorns poking out of their hiding spaces amongst still- green leaves to deter any attempts at climbing. The hedge curved away from the village, stretching for miles until it disappeared from sight. The only variation in the tangles of green and brown lay directly before the group, an innocent looking archway that cut through the hedge, allowing entrance to the interior. Through the arch, more hedges could be seen, creating a labyrinth within the circle of the outer hedge. The entire area was shrouded in an eerie silence, broken only by the howl of the wind.

The leader turned to face his entourage. “I will proceed alone from here.”

One of the soldiers shifted nervously. “But, Your Majesty—”

“Unless you doubt my ability to protect myself from harm, should I run into trouble?” The king’s voice turned icy.

The soldier cowered under his gaze. “No, Your Majesty.”

“That’s what I thought.” The king dismounted his horse and handed off the reigns to a nearby soldier. “Wait here for my return.” Ignoring the uneasy glances the soldiers exchanged, he turned on his heel and crossed the empty expanse, leaving tracks in the otherwise untouched snow.

As he passed under the archway, it was like a spell had fallen over him. It had been silent outside of the maze, but inside there was not even a whisper of the wind. The king didn’t falter though, keeping his stride steady as he wove through the first twists and turns of the maze. Only once he was out of sight of his escort did he pause. He withdrew a pouch from the inner pocket of his coat and removed part of its contents.

Three scales gleamed in the weak winter sunlight. One was a bright spring green, rivaling even the color of the hedges that surrounded him. Another was the dark grey of a storm cloud about to unleash its wrath upon the ground. The final one was a pale misty color, reflecting a myriad of colors depending on which way it tilted.

The king closed his fingers around the scales, returning the pouch to its resting place. “Alright,” he said. “Time for you to reveal your secrets to me.” And with that, he set off again, heading deeper into the labyrinth.

[captaincravatthecapricious]

Ill and Alone- Prompt Fill

cw food mention, nausea mention, fever, anxiety, the concept of not feeling bad enough to merit comfort, depression, isolation

Hi!  I am still accepting bingo prompts!  The crossed out prompts are already written, the starred ones are ones that I have gotten, but not posted yet!  Let me know which character you want and if you prefer writing on a drawing! Bingo sheet by the wonderful @celosiaa​

Jon wakes up to Martin leaving before dawn.  Walks him to the door, hands him breakfast and a thermos of tea.  Goes back to bed, the sticky exhaustion nipping at his heals, at the back of his skull.  Inserted in the grit in the corner of his eyes.  

He wakes up to an empty bed, Martin’s side of the room looking sad and empty, usual trinkets of their cohabitation lacking.  No prescription on the nightstand, no glasses, no poetry book, no neatly folded outfit set out for the morning, closet looking empty.  

The room is bathed in the grey light of early morning.  Jon goes back to sleep.  

He wakes up properly at nine.  He makes tea, staring at the faded sticky note that Martin had written precisely how both he and Jon respectively take their tea.  Jon remembers by this point.  It’s been years since he Needed to look at the note, but he still looks at it because… well… it’s Martin’s writing.  Instructions written with care and precision, with a little heart and a smily face.  He doesn’t trace the writing, he isn’t that pathetic, and he doesn’t want the paper to disintegrate any faster than it already is… but he wants to.  

Martin will be back in a couple days.  He shouldn’t be this clingy…  But the flat already feels empty and cold.  Jon shivers, holding his tea close to his chest, and resisting the temptation to make a second cup for Martin.  

Jon teaches his classes.  He eats lunch in his office.  A sandwich that tastes like chalk and fills his mouth with cement.  He grades a few papers.  He teaches another class.  He rides the tube home.  He falls asleep on the couch.  He wakes up on the couch.  The flat cold around him, the cushions stiff and frozen against his slight and hurting frame.  Joints stiff against the chill.  

He thinks about making dinner, or even just reheating some leftovers, but he doesn't.  He texts Martin.  'Love you, hope the volunteer training is going well.'

He falls asleep.  Heavy and aching and so tired.  

He wakes up on the cold couch to a buzz from his phone.  'Going well, just finished up for the night.  Love you!'

It's dark now, but not late.  Daylight doesn't last long in the grey of winter in London.  Jon shivers.  He thinks again about dinner, and how Martin would want him to eat, but he just wants a warm shower and to go to bed.  

He considers his cane, but doesn't feel it worth the effort.  It is out of his way, and he would just like to get this over with.  

Jon hates sitting in the shower, but he hates baths more, and his hurting limbs won't keep him up any longer.  

Jon wakes up in a cold sweat.  Salt on his lips, saltwater on his lashes.  The flat is cold.  Cold like his dreams.  Panic on his breath as the Lonely dreams still hold him in their vice.  He wraps his arms around his chest.  He tries to rub his own back despite aching muscles, trying to make his own boney hands sooth him like Martin can.  He shakes and he cries silently.  

He checks his phone, the low brightness still stinging his eyes, and smears the numbers of the time beyond recognition, but he makes out no new messages.  

He pushes himself out of bed on aching legs, and shaking arms, pulling on one of Martin's sweaters and stopping by the loo.  

He makes tea.  And tries to take comfort because it is almost as good as when Martin makes it.  

Jon goes back to bed.  

It's morning and Jon's head hurts.  His head hurts and his arms hurt and his legs hurt and his back hurts.  

He almost pushes himself up to get ready for work, but he remembers it is Saturday.  

Jon rolls over to Martin's side of the bed.  Placing himself in the divot where Martin would be, if he were not out of town.  

Jon texts Martin.  'Morning, have a nice day, love you.'

Jon dozes.  

He should make breakfast.  But he isn't hungry, and he doesn't want to move.  Even if his small frame isn't holding heat, even under the thick covers of their bed.  He wants the weighted blanket.  He wants the heated blanket, but those live in the closet.  Those are for bad nights.  Mostly of the time He and Martin under the thick duvet is enough.  

But it isn't night and it isn't that bad, is it?  And even so, that is more effort that he thinks he can spare.  

He texts Martin.  

He texts Martin.  

He texts Martin.  

He texts Martin.  

Meaningless texts with the mundanities that are beyond him.  Little messages about missing him, about making tea, about reading.  None of them lies, but cutting out the dragging exhaustion that has given way to a dragging fever.  

And Martin texts back.  

Jon bundled in the heated blanket and Martin's jumper on the couch.  Dosing off to the Archers.  He still hates that show, but it's easier to hate something for the content than admitting he feels too shitty to even enjoy the documentaries he has been saving for the weekend.  

He grades some.  Not much.  And he makes tea.  

He thinks again about the leftovers in the refrigerator, but he doesn't have the energy to eat them.  Lacks the appetite.  

Jon falls asleep on the couch.  Tea cooling on the coffee table.  Papers spread around him in uneven heaps.  

Jon texts Martin.  And Martin texts back.  

Only the buzz of the phone keeping him from sinking deeper into misery.    

Jon texts him whenever he is awake to do so, and Martin texts back during his breaks.  

Jon's head hurts.  He is shivering despite the heated blanket that is tight around him.  Woken from another nightmare by his own gasping breath.  The Stranger this time.  

He calls Tim.  

"Jon?  Everything okay?"

Still gasping from the phantom hands rubbing him down, fighting the nausea that comes with that particular brand of terror, of that trauma of his invaded personal space.  And the desperation that someone come and save him from his cold and empty flat and end this lonely weekend.  

"Jon, are you alright?  Where are you, do you need your inhaler?"  

Jon probably does, but he fights for breath for a minute and he's more or less okay.  

"I'm home.  It's fine, sorry for calling."  He feels foolish for being needy, and more foolish still because he's fighting back tears now.  Tears over nothing at all.  Just the fever.  Just the dreams.  Martin will be home tomorrow, and Jon will probably be feeling better by then, and if not, it's probably mostly exhaustion anyways.  He's been having a hard time getting restful sleep.  

"Hey, hey, hey Jon.  It's okay to call.  Are you alright?  Do you need someone to come over?"  Tim isn't angry.  It still surprises Jon that there is no bite to his voice.  No snipping, not sarcasm, not annoyance.  Just... warmth, caring.  

"Just a little under the weather.  I'm okay.  Sorry for bothering you... Had a dream... and just... Sorry it's foolish.  I'm alright."  Jon shivers, and hoping he doesn't sound too soggy over the phone.  He aches.  Stupid joints.  Stupid immune system.  Gives out the minute Martin leaves.  Which... good.  He guesses… at least Martin isn't losing sleep over him this time.  He hates that Martin doesn't sleep when caring for Jon.  He Hates it.  He hates stealing sleep for him, even if this is the mundane way of doing it, he still has cost Martin too much over the years.  

"I'm gonna come over, okay?  It's not a bother, it's not an inconvenience, I had been planning to give you a visit anyhow, I've been too busy to drop by in a while and I want to see you because you are my friend, and if I make you soup as well, hey we both get dinner out of it.  I promise I Want to.  Sasha still has work, so I don't have any company tonight anyhow.  No plans.  Nothing."

"Not been hungry."  That's all Jon has the energy to argue.  

"Feeling queasy, or just the usual fever nonsense?"  Tim asks.  He sounds too cheerful for this.  

"Nightmare queasy now, but mostly just... fever probably."

"Oof.  One of those nightmares?  Yikes.  Well, that kind usually passes in a bit, then we can make you some Spicy Stoker Sick-day Soup.  This Is to my benefit.  Sasha isn't a big fan, and Martin isn't either.  It's a good excuse to make some good comfort food."

Jon almost smiles.  "'kay."  

Tim must guess he's falling asleep again.  "Get some rest.  I'll be there soon with some soup stuff and meds.  Don't worry about letting me in, I have a key, remember?"

Jon falls asleep on the couch.  

He wakes up to tea being set in front of him.  

Jon groans and rubs at his eyes.  

"I know I've said it before, but that note in the kitchen is fucking adorable!  I mean... a little sad that it took you that long to learn how to make yourself tea, but still fucking precious that the note still has a place of honor.  Not to mention, it's good reference for when I want to make you the perfect comfort cup of tea!"  Tim smiles at him.  

And it isn't the same as with Martin, but it still warms him up.  At least a little.  

"Hey bud, how are you feeling?"

Jon tiredly rock his hand in a so-so motion.  

"Mind if I take your temperature before you drink that tea?"

Jon turns his attention inward to see if what remains of the Eye wants to be helpful today.  "38.6."

"That... I can't tell if that is handy or inconvenient.  In any case, not bad but not great.  You okay if I start the soup?  You can either get some more rest of join me in the kitchen and we can watch some Buzzfeed on my laptop?"

Jon nods.  He gathers his blanket and his tea, and limps to the kitchen.  

Tim sucks in his breath at Jon's clearly stiff movements, and rushes to plug the blanket back in before Jon can move to do so.  

"You.  Are not gonna help, okay?  You can help by drinking your tea, and some water and then getting back to the couch and using me as a pillow and eating a little something."

Jon opens his mouth to argue, but sees the steel in Tim's glare.  Nothing unkind, but still solid resistance.  He nods.  

Jon falls asleep on Tim.  On the couch.  Empty bowls stacked next to Tim's laptop, cord plugged in next to Jon's blanket.  

Tim stays the next afternoon until Martin gets home.  Marin scolding Jon for not telling him he was ill.  Martin thanking Tim for coming.  Martin wrinkling his nose at the soup.  

Martin's prescription and glasses, and clothes and book back in their proper places.  Martin in Martin's divot in the mattress, Jon smooshed against Martin, still a shade too warm, but much better than earlier.  

Jon falls asleep in Martin's arms.  

[youralternantpersonality]

Hello My Dear Friend

Warning: Talking about Texas (I'm from here, chill bro lol), panic attacks, Phonophobia: the fear of loud sounds.

A/n: Hello! How have yall been? I hope you are okay and are taking self of yourself. I'll be 100% with yall, I guess I just had to get out what was wrong with me because out of nowhere (with the help of medication) I had a need to start writing.

Also, I DID NOT KNOW MY LINKS WERE NOT WORKING! I’m so sorry. I realized the best way to get to my masters list is to go to my description bar. I don't know why it isn't. if you know how to fix it, please let me know!

Anyways, I never put summaries, but here's a little snip—Y/n is best friends (100% platonic) with Jared and will be with Embry. The end. Enjoy!

***

Y/n POV

Finally! I'm finally coming back to the place I grew up at and loved. The place where nature is at every corner. I never thought I would miss the muggy and rainy state. I miss my friends on the Res and the few friends I had in Forks. I especially miss my little brother-from-another-mother, Jared.

Jared and I grew up together on the Reservation. We befriended each other instantly in second grade after making a bet that one of us could eat our rainbow popsicle faster than the other. The winner gets the strawberry scented eraser and a mechanical pencil that the other grabbed from a 3rd grader. Needless to say, I won. Granted, I had a brain freeze, but it was 100% worth it. But now I was on my way back to La Push to finish my Junior year with my friends after leaving in Freshman year.

Pulling up to the house I grew up with, I was welcomed by my grandparents and my aunt Lydia. My grandmother and aunt were already outside washing what looks like something green; I'm assuming she's making collard greens tonight. My grandfather just came from around the side of the house with some more logs to make a fire. As soon as the car is parked, they look up with smiles on their faces, and I jump out to embrace my family.

"Nana, Papa, Aunty!" I say as I run up to them as they get ready for me to embrace them. After Nana had a minor heart attack, Aunt Lydia came to La Push from California to assist her since she was a nurse for the elderly. She eventually moved in with them after she divorced her bastard of a husband. Their marriage is an example of what happens when you don't communicate well with your partner beforehand. Aunt Lydia never wanted kids—she liked them, but she also liked giving them back to their parents. Her ex-husband, Justin, wanted kids. He's always wanted kids, and knowing that she never wanted them, he still tried to sabotage any way for them to get one. Hiding her birth control, poking a hole in the condom, arguing that she'd change her mind eventually. Not understanding that she did not want one. At some point, he claimed he was okay with it, but as soon as they got married, I guess he figured she'd change her mind.

Three years later, she filed for divorce. Not long afterward, she moved back up here; then, when Nana had a heart attack, she moved in with them. It's been a year since all of that happened. She is now dating a man in Forks who already has kids and doesn't want anymore. The kids are in fifth, seventh, and ninth grade, so she's content and happy. They all love her, and she loves them equally, if not more.

"Hey, baby! How's my Ladybug." Nana asked. Ever since I was little, she gave me that name. I was adopted by the Nomalose at two, and the second my Nana came up to me in her kitchen, somehow a Ladybug flew in and landed on my shoulder. Thus, granted me the name Ladybug.

"I'm good, Nana. How are you feeling?" I asked, hugging her as she continued to sit in her chair then moving to my aunt.

"Oh, baby, I'm fine. Always am, and always will be." She says with a smile. So optimistic as always. After greeting everyone as we moved inside, we all sat around to catch up on what has happened since we were gone. Dad had a job transfer in Texas, so we had to pack up and head out. At first, leaving La Push and moving to Dallas was (obviously) terrifying, but I was repulsed by the thought of it. But after a while, it wasn’t too bad. I mean, yes, it's hot as hell, some people are questionable, the pollen is horrific, and the redlining system is as evident as can be. However, I grew to love the heat and get a tan, made some friends, and the food…. oh, the food. What kind of threw me off is that they have to state the Texas flag pledge in class every day. What the absolute fuck.

After finishing up, we head back to the car and head to our home. Grabbing our stuff and unpacking it before the rest of our furniture arrives tomorrow. It's only mid-July (imagine moving in the middle of the summer from Texas to Washington. It was absolute hell), so I take this time to explore the area I once knew and get acquainted with. I plan on calling up some friends before I see my A1, the Jelly time to my Peanut butter, the Tom to my Jerry, the Magenta to my Blue, Jared Cameron. We kind of fell off within the last couple of months, but a little show-and-tell never hurt anyone.

I text some of my old friends I kept in contact with, and we decided to meet up at the beach. I put on my shorts, grab my beach gear, and head out.

"Be back before the streetlights-" mom started,

"-Come on. I know, I know. I'll text you when I'm on my way home." I finished. I kiss my parents and jump in the car to head to First beach. When I arrived, I see my sister-from-another-mister, LaCienega.

"Y/n/n!" She screams, running to me.

"Cien!" I scream back. We hug each other as tightly as possible before laughing like a bunch of crazy women.

"So, you're just going to forget all about us? Well, bitch, fuck you too." I look behind Cien and see her twin brother Javier and our other two friends, Leilani and Damion. I go up to them and hug the absolute shit out of them, and we all head towards the beach. We spent the day laughing, crying, playing soccer, and playing chicken before calling it.  I planned on seeing Jared tomorrow but was warned by Leilani.

"Jared isn't Jared anymore, Y/n/n," she says, looking down at her hands with a deflated expression.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking at everyone else too.

"Did Jared stop talking to you recently?" Javier asked. I nod my head slowly. They looked at one another, and he continued. "He did the same to us too. He randomly disappeared one day, and the next thing we know, he grew a whole foot and a half, gained muscle, got a tattoo, and just ignored us. He started to hand it out with Sam Uley. Now when we see him, he just ignores us and moves on like we are nothing to him." I shake my head. That can't be right; Jared wouldn't be like that—he can hardly ignore starting random shit with people, especially if there's money involved.

"I mean, yeah, he did fall off the face of the earth, but…no. I'm going over there tomorrow. I'll talk to him to see what's up. That just doesn't sound like the Jared I know." I say, packing up.

"Well, if you can get him to talk, ask him for that $20 he owes me. Bastard never paid me back after winning a bet that I could out eat an XL pizza against him." Damion laughs. I nod my head and head to my car. On the way home, I think about what they said. I just can't fathom that Jared would be like that to anyone. It just doesn't sound like him at all.

~~~

The next day, I text the crew that I was on my way to talk to Jared. I decided to surprise him, and because I knew he didn't live too far, I decided to get my steps in and just walk to his place. Once I was there, I knocked on the door, and his mom answered.

"Oh my…Y/n? Is that really you?!" she exclaims with a smile on her face. She instantly pulls me into a hug, and tears swell in her eyes.

"Hi, Mrs. Olivia," I say back as I hug her. She invites me in, and we talk until Jared's sister and dad walk through the door.

"Y/n!" Kaylee, Jared's sister, screams and runs to me. I hug the now 12-year-old girl.

"Hey hon, hi, Mr. Kevin," I say, giving a wave across the room.

"Hey Y/n, how have you been? When did you get in?" he asked.

"I’ve been good. Just settling in. We came in yesterday morning. I came by to see you guys, and I was wondering where Jared was.” His demeanor changed. He cleared his throat and said Jared is with some friends and now isn’t a good time seeing him. He basically rushed me out of the house after that. As I was walking home, I thought it was strange, but I didn’t want to question it…for now.

It was only one in the afternoon, so I decided to walk to the diner not far from his house. I go up to the counter to order something to-go and sit on the barstool. Taking out my phone, I text Cien and Leilani what happened. They found it strange, but they weren’t too shocked by it. When I looked around the small diner, my eye caught a pair of familiar eyes.

“Kim?” she looks at me, and her eyes widen instantly. She gets up from her table and walks over to me and hugs me.

“Holy shit! Y/n?! What are you doing here? When did you get in?” she asked. Kim and I weren’t necessarily “besties,” but we were friends. More like the type to hang out around school, but not so much outside of it.

“Hey! I moved back. Came in yesterday. How have you been?” I asked. Before she could say anything, my food comes out, and she offers a ride to drive me home.

“Oh, you don’t have to. I don’t mind walking.” She looks at me hesitantly,

“Come on, we can talk on the way. Plus, daylight or not, you never know what's lurking.” She says.

“What do you mean?” I ask. She grabs her stuff from the table she was sitting at alone, and we walk towards the door.

“Well, lately, there has been a lot of bear sightings in the area. People coming up missing or dead. And, I just don’t want you to be the next victim.” She says as we head towards my place.

“Damn, so, let me guess, no hiking?” she nods her head.

“Please, please, please! Do. Not. Go. Into. The. Woods. Especially by yourself. The last thing we need is someone going missing again.” She emphasizes. I look at her with shock and just nod my head. At the light, she turns to me. “I’m serious Y/n. I know you have a habit of being a daredevil and taking risks. Don’t do it.” I look back at her with a shocked expression and just nod my head.

“Yeah, okay. I promise.” I say being serious. She nods her head, and we continue onward in silence. When we get home, I tell her bye and head inside. I now want to know what the fuck is going on, and what did I miss?

~~~

The next morning, I try calling up Jared, but I got no response. As I headed to the kitchen, I could hear Mr. Kevin’s voice laughing and talking to my dad in the living room. Heading in that direction, I welcome him then head into the kitchen to make myself some food. Once I was done, I head back to my room and get ready to head to the beach. I overheard Mr. Kevin saying that Jared and “the guys” would be at first beach. So, why not take a trip there for the fuck of it?

I tell my parental guiders that I will with some friends and head to my car. I text Leilani and Cien to meet me up at the beach for a little girl's day out. As I’m setting up, I run into Jacob Black, Embry Call, and Quil Ateara.

“Holy shit! Y/n!?” I turn to see Jake, and I smile at them and wave. We were classmates up until I left. I look at them, and I still see Quil looks like a baby, and Embry has gotten a little cuter, yet awkward and shy, but cute as can be.

“Hey, guys! How are you?!” I say, hugging them. Maybe hugging Embry, a little longer than I probably should’ve. They were a grade younger than me, but I still would hang with them when they were around.

“Not too bad, can’t complain. How about you?” Quil exclaims. Embry just looking at me and giving me butterflies in my damn stomach.

“I’m good. You know, just moving back, living life, trying to not get killed in the process. The usual.” I say, smiling. We talk until the girls come up. I tell them to text me some time—mainly hinting at Embry—and we parted ways. A couple of hours later, the girls head home, and I stay for a little while longer while La Push is still welcoming the sun. Not long afterward, I’m cut from my daydream with loud hoots and hollers. I turn to see who it was, and I can only make out a few of them. One of the girls turns to me and waves at me. I look behind me to see no one, and I slightly wave back, having no idea who she is. She runs up to me, and I see it's Kim.

“Oh, shit. Kim, hey. Sorry, I can't see shit.” She smiles and laughs but brushes it off. She invites me over to play soccer with her friends, and I politely decline. I suck being around new people. She smiles and encourages me, but I hear the voice I’ve been looking for before I could say anything.

“Y/n?” I look up to see Jared. But not the Jared that I remember; this Jared is entirely different. Someone I have never met before in my life. This Jared looks like he belongs on WWE or some shit.

“Jared? Holy shit! You’re fucking huge!” I say, walking towards him. But before I could do anything, he cuts the reunion short.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Hold on. Pause. What the fuck?

“Um, I live here. What’s wrong? Is that a bad thing?” he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

“No, I meant here. On the beach. I thought me not replying meant not to contact me or follow me.” I looked at him, shocked. Kim steps in the middle.

“Woah, babe, chill. You guys cool?” I nod my head.

“Yeah, we’re friends.”

“Was.” What the…

“Woah, what the hell J. Did I do something? What the fuck is your problem? Last time I checked, this was a free beach.” What the hell was his problem? Who is this? This, this is…They were right, Jared has changed.

“Y/n, you shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have come back!”

“Jared, what the hell!?” I walk up to him, confused. I look behind him and see 2 more guys and a female.

“Leave Y/n. Just to make everything clear to you and to all of your friends, leave me alone. Don’t talk to me, don’t text me, don’t contact me. Don’t come to my house to bother my family, and don’t bother my girlfriend. Come on, Kim.” I stood there in shock. Kim looked as puzzled as I did but looked back at me and walked off. I stood there until I felt something fall on my face—a tear. Before I could react cognitively, I go back to my stuff and head home. I honestly felt like my heart has been ripped to pieces.

As I pull up to the house, I run inside and go straight to my room. I sit on my bed and text everyone in the group text what happened and just shower and lay in my bed again. It wasn’t until later that evening that I came out of my room for dinner at my grandparents’ house that I communicated with everyone. Why would Jared act like that? Did he do that with everyone? Is this what everyone was talking about? Something is up. I’m not going to say it's ‘roid-rage, but… I can’t pass up the thought that it might be drugs.

The following week I keep myself busy doing little things and going out with my friends, hanging out with Jake, Quil, and Embry. Mainly attempting to not be bothered about my last interaction with Jared. Coming home from Port Angeles with everyone that evening, my parents are arguing again. I retreat my stuff upstairs and try to silence them out. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always had a horrible reaction when it comes to people screaming at me or arguing with or in front of me. I eventually narrowed it down to a time where I don’t remember before I was adopted. It didn’t help that my parents did it frequently as I grew up. It was worse when I was a kid. Before I would be able to leave and go to Jared’s house, he would calm me down. Now? I have no one. I can't necessarily go to my other friends because they don’t really get how bad it is. Jared is the only one who knows and who has seen the horror.

As much as I try to block it out, nothing is working. I grab my speaker and head to the bathroom to shower, trying to calm my nerves and tune them out. Hoping that they would stop by the time I get out. But I was wrong. It seemed like it has only gotten worse. And when I listened in, it was my fault.

“If you weren’t fucking yelling, she wouldn’t need to hide and turn up the music to block us out!” mom said.

“Why is it MY fault? Like EVERYTHING ELSE! Jesus! I told you to stop when the car pulled up! BUT NO! YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE THE LAST FUCKING WORD!” Dad said. And it was just like that back and forth. I slide down the back of my door and put in my headphones while trying to even my breath. Attempting to not have a panic attack. But it seemed as if the more I try, the louder they got. The louder they got, the more I cried. I couldn’t take it. I threw my headphones on the bed, grabbed my coat, put on my sneakers, and ran past my parents and out of the house. Even as I’m running away, I can hear them yelling about how I’m now leaving. It’s times like these that make me wonder why I can’t be normal.

Not realizing where I’m going, I just run. No stopping, no looking back, not thinking, just running. I don’t come back to the realization until I am in front of Jared’s driveway. I stop, thinking back on his hurtful words that I start panicking and running away from his home. Mindlessly running away, I trip and fall from a tree root sticking out of the ground. I look at my surroundings and notice that I somehow ended up in the forest. Confused and unsure, I look for a sign of familiarity, and I can’t find anything. Trying to not put myself in an even more state of panic, I take multiple deep breaths and calmly walk back into the opposite direction I tripped. But after a little while later, I notice I was lost even more. The sun is setting quickly, and I have no idea where I’m at.

Panic starts rising as I try to calmly and carefully walk out of the woods. I reach for my phone only to discover that I don’t have it. I either left it at home or dropped it when I fell. I stop by a nearby tree and just try to relax. But of course, life likes to go against me and scare the shit out of me. It wasn’t a second later that I heard the crunching of leaves and a branch snapping. I looked around me and didn’t see anyone. The rustling of the branches above me had me look up and saw nothing. But it was the figure in front of me that scared the living shit out of me. 

In front of me stood an average height woman with chopped short black hair; she was skinny, pale skin, and beautiful. But what was creepy was the red eyes. I was so shocked by her appearance that I didn’t notice the man next to me. He towered over me. He looked six-feet, with silver blond hair, pale as the woman, and blood-red eyes.

“Well, well, well, look what we have here, Vanity. A little pet, I see.” The man says, stepping towards me.

“I see. Awe, she looks so adorable! I just want to eat her up! Can we keep her Leo!?” the female, Vanity, said. She gets a disapproving look from Leo, who turns to me, and the next thing I know, I’m up against the tree with this hand around my neck. This, by no means, is helping with my anxiety. I froze, unsure what to do.

“This is interesting, no fight back.” Leo says, “Well, where’s the fun in that?” he snarls. He throws me across the forest. I land on my shoulder and scream out in pain. “Run.” Is all he says before I get up and take off. I run as fast as I could while screaming for help. Hoping anyone is out there and available to rescue me from this hell.

“SOMEONE, PLEASE! HELP ME! HELP!” I yell, running as fast as my legs could carry me. If there's one thing I’m grateful for, it's being thankful for having the gift of balance. Without it, I would have tripped and fallen by now. I hear laughter above me, and as I look up, I see Vanity and Leo jumping from tree to tree, terrorizing me more. Nightfall has hit, and I can't see shit. I turn in another direction to get away from them, only to enter into an open field. I run across this little open area only to be cut off by Vanity on one side and Leo on the other.

“Now! We’re having fun. Right baby!?” Leo screams to her.

“Son of a bitch! What are you guys!? Please don’t hurt me!” I say, tears coming from my eyes.

“Well, since you asked so nicely. We’ll make it quick, hon.” Vanity says. She shoves me to the ground and moves my head to the side, but I hear a growl from across the field before she could do anything else. We all turn to look, and I see wolves. Giant wolves. What the living fuck is going on? A more enormous black wolf is leading two more of them, looking at us.

“Well, well, well. Look what we have here. I thought you guys died off.” Vanity says, turning to Leo, “The game just got interesting.”

“Game? What game? I don’t want to play.” I said in a quivering voice. One of the wolves looked at me; the one next to him stares back at him, then at me.

“Seems to me that one of them recognizes our little friend here, Leo.” The bitch pops my shoulder out of place, making me scream out in pain, begging them to let me go. The wolves growl and take a step closer.

“Gotta catch us to get her,” Leo says. Next thing I know, I’m tossed over his shoulder, and we’re taking off into the deep dark forest. Before I can react, I find myself moving at an inhuman speed. My mind catches up with my voice, and all I can do is scream.

“Let me go!” I yell to someone. I look up to see the wolves right on their tail. A second later, I'm being tossed in the air, and I was caught by Vanity.

“What the fuck! Please! Don’t kill me! Please!” they ignore my plea, and she starts jumping up from tree to tree along with Leo. She tosses me again, and I barely land in Leo’s arms. At this point, I'm crying. I have no idea what’s going on technically. Wolves are chasing us. I feel sick to my stomach. I just want to go home. I turn to look behind Leo and see a wolf right upon him. He senses it and tosses me to Vanity. She catches me, and I look ahead. We are coming up on a clearing, I recognize. It’s the cliff.

“NO! NO! NO! I CAN'T SWIM! I CAN'T SWIM! HELP! HELP!” Those were my last words before I’m thrown over the cliff and into the pacific. Everything slowed down at that point. I looked back and saw Vanity diving after me, and behind her, I saw one of the wolves looking at me, and before I hit the water, it howled, and I blacked out.

Part 1: Hello My Dear Friend

Part 2: Goodbye My Dear Friend

Part 3: Welcome My Dear Friend

Part 4: Why My Dear Friend

Part 5: End My Dear Friend

Request Open!

[freedom-shamrock]

Try Not to Lose Your Goats

Also on AO3 This takes place some time after "Do Not Try to Drink the Whole Ocean”  in the Little Secrets series. While you don't have to read the entire series to get this, there are some finer nuances that will make more sense if you're familiar with it.

This is a very late response for @miraculousfluffmonth day 29 prompt, that looks like it hurts. It is also my day 16 of my ML WIP-Completion Challenge. 

Adrien was working on dinner while his fiancée sewed nearby. He loved that their small apartment's open design plan allowed him to simply turn his head and see her. Even when they weren't working on something together, he didn't feel alone. It had been part of the thought process that drove them to this particular apartment.

He smiled, feeling warm and happy as he watched her work on her wedding dress.  Once she started her junior design job at Isabel Fashion, she didn't tend to sew or design at home, unless she had a personal project or commission.  Some houses claimed ownership over all their designers' creative output during their employment, and that had been a stipulation he'd recommended for her contract when she first signed. No company deserved to own what she created off the clock.

They had about six more weeks before he would report to his postdoc position at CERN, and he vacillated between excited and anxious several times a day about it. He couldn't quite believe she wanted to marry him.   Him !  Even though he'd gotten better over the years, he was such a mess sometimes. But whenever he brought it up, she pointed out her own generalized anxiety disorder and tendency to catastrophize. They could be a mess together, and somehow that made it less bad.

They weren't at all traditional, given her spontaneous mid-breakdown proposal with her half-crouched under his desk in a completely unromantic fashion. But no one was surprised by their collapsed timeline and focus on the really important parts of the event.  Friends and family were at the fore, and so many of the little details were unimportant. Chloe had volunteered space at the hotel. Nino offered to provide music for the party, while Luka hooked them up with a classical quartet for the ceremony. So many of their former classmates were pulling together to create a beautiful day that he and Marinette could enjoy without the hassle of typical wedding planning minutiae. Tom and Sabine continued to be supportive of both of them, and were delighted by the whole business.

"The expenses, the flowers, even the location don't matter when you focus on the heart," Tom had said, when Adrien apologized for not giving their daughter the grand celebration she really deserved.

He still occasionally worried that it was all too good to be true.

"I hear you spiraling over there," Marinette said, a smile in her voice as she kept her eyes on her project.

"Am not," he insisted, laughing a little at being caught.

"I don't believe you," she called back in a sing-song voice. "You've gone awfully quiet for someone who's cooking, and don't think I don't feel my Kitty staring at me."

"You're beautiful," he said. "I looked up and was struck dumb, yet again."

She tipped her head back and laughed. "Now you know how I felt that first year of lycee."

Suddenly all his worries were washed away by warmth and happiness. She was so good at that.

"I'll wrap this up for tonight and help you finish dinner," she suggested.

He loved working in the kitchen with her. It was a little like being Ladybug and Chat Noir again, their long history of teamwork bleeding over into regular life. Granted, they were still Ladybug and Chat Noir, as evidenced by the kwami house in the corner, but it wasn't quite the same now. "Only if you're comfortable that you've gotten enough done," he said. "I don't want you to have to feel rushed later."

She looked over at him. "I expect to be done tomorrow, and - Ouch!"  She flinched and the machine cut out abruptly.

He was across the room with roughly the same speed he had when he donned the cat suit.  "Are you okay? Let me see."

Wincing, she snatched up a tiny pair of scissors to carefully snip away the threads connecting her to her dress.

"Oh, Princess," he gasped. He knew on a logical level that it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't help feeling slightly responsible for distracting her. "That looks like it hurts!"  He cupped his hands around hers as she turned to move away from the fabric. Blood trickled down her fingers to drip on his palms.

"No more than usual," she said, her tone slightly forced.

"You don't usually run over your own fingers," he said.  "C'mon. Let's get a better look at that in the bathroom."

She let him bring her into the little room for first aid. "It's hardly the first time I've sewn myself to a project."  She let out a pained huff as he poured antiseptic on the little dots of welling blood. "Ah!" She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Though it's nice to have someone else do that bit for me."

"I shouldn't have distracted you." He blotted her finger dry, closely inspecting the injury under bright light before applying some ointment.

"Eh, not really your fault," she insisted.  "I've done it several times on my own, as Tikki would vouch for, if she weren't sleeping."  She shrugged.

"You've stitched yourself to other designs?" he asked. How had he missed this in all their time together. Then he realized that he'd seen little bandages on her fingers and hands, and that it was the norm for so long he'd just accepted it and tuned them out.

"It's gotten so that every really meaningful design has at least one drop of my blood in it somewhere. I'm just lucky enough that it's always in a spot where it won't show."  She rolled her eyes. "And before you ask, no, your suit was not immune to this curse."

Next in Series >> Cutting the Pear in Two

30 minute speed write.

This doesn't really wrap up the Little Secrets universe, but there's not an overarching plot for any future fluff pieces.

"To lose your goats" is a French idiom meaning to forget what you were just saying, or lose your place in a conversation.

[winchesterprincessbride]

The Parent Trap-Part 4

Part 1                        My Master List

Pairing: Sam X past reader, Sam X Ruby (currently)

A/N: Did you like the movie “The Parent Trap” as a kid? It is one of my favorite movies! I decided to write my own version, with a Supernatural twist, of course!

Summary:  Mary Winchester and Annie Campbell meet at summer camp, and they quickly realize they look too much alike for it to be a coincidence.  They are twins! Their parents, Sam Winchester and Y/N Campbell divorced 12 years before, each taking custody of one girl.  Now Sam lives in California and Y/N in New York.  The girls hatch a plan to bring their parents back together, but will Sam’s new fiancee ruin their plans?  Mary

“Are you sure you can do this?” Mary asked doubtfully as Annie pulled a pair of scissors from her suitcase.

“Piece of cake!” Annie replied confidently. “Just have a little faith, okay?” Looking at herself critically in the mirror, she began to snip away at Mary’s long hair.

Mary shut her eyes tightly and prayed she wouldn’t end up bald.  Her Dad loved her hair, and when she finally did go home she knew he was going to have a fit.  Sorry, Daddy, she thought to herself as her head felt lighter and lighter.

“There!” Annie said with a flourish.  “Open your eyes, for Pete’s sake!”

When Mary looked at her reflection in the mirror, her mouth dropped open in surprise.  “Oh my gosh! I look just like…”

“Me!” Her twin finished. “I know, right?” She leaned her head in next to Mary’s. “They will never be able to tell us apart now.”

Annie

“Where do I go to school?” Annie asked after thinking for a moment.

“Washington Junior High,” Mary answered promptly, responding with a question of her own.  “What does Uncle Dean call his car?”

Annie paused.  “His Baby?” She asked tentatively.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Mary questioned.

Biting back the bitchy remark she really wanted to say, Annie replied, “Telling you, oh great and mighty quiz mistress.”

Mary sighed and crossed her arms, looking so much like their mom when she was mad it was comical. “This is serious! We don’t have to just look like each other.  We have to be each other for this to work.  You get that, right?”

“Yeah, I get it! I know what’s at stake here!” Annie grumbled.  So what are my neighbors' names?”

“The Espositos on the right, Mrs. Dunner on the left, and the Jacobson's across the hall!” Mary grinned triumphantly.  “What’s my best friend’s name?”

“Abby.  No, wait! Ashley? Aubrey?”  Annie had never been good at memorizing things.

“NO! It’s Ivy! How’s it going to look when I come home from camp and I don’t know my best friends name? You have to get this stuff or you aren’t going to last a day!” Mary ran her hands through her now-short hair in frustration.

“Look, I’m trying! I don’t have a photographic memory like you! I’m doing the best I can, so stop yelling at me!” Annie demanded as she jumped off her bunk and began to pace.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Mary asked quietly.  “We go home tomorrow. It’s not too late to back out.  We can think of something else.”

“No way. We are doing this. Now shut up and ask me another question.” Annie said determinedly.

“Did you really need all this stuff?” Annie hissed as she tried to maneuver Mary’s bags out the door.

As the twins exited their cabin and headed to say goodbye to their friends, they ran into Mrs. Rinaldi.  “Well, girls. I hope you enjoyed camp. I’m glad you were able to work out your differences. I like your hair, Mary.”

“Thanks. Camp was fun.” Annie responded. Mary just nodded in agreement, and Mrs. Rinaldi moved on.

Annie had an earlier flight than Mary, so she was in the first van to the airport.  They started to load up, and she turned to her sister.  “Well, this is it, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Mary echoed and launched herself into Annie’s arms. “I’m so happy we found each other.” She whispered in her sister’s ear, hugging her tightly.

Annie returned the hug. “Me too.  You have my number. Text me with updates. Operation Double Trouble starts now.” She said with a grin.

Mary

Mary watched Annie’s van pull away, and felt a strange emptiness, like part of her, was missing.  She had never felt this way before.  Since she had some time to kill,  she decided to go and talk to some of Annie’s bunkmates from Evergreen Cabin. She wanted to see if her “Annie” could fool them and if she needed to tweak it at all.  

Mary spent the next two hours talking to Annie’s friends and they had no idea whatsoever that she wasn’t Annie.  This is going to be so easy. She thought smugly.  When it was time, she loaded her stuff into the van, said goodbye to her “friends”, and was soon on her way to the airport.

The flight from Michigan to La Guardia was boring, but Mary just couldn’t let herself relax.  At the end of this, she was going to get to meet her mother…..finally!  But as far as she was concerned, it had only been two weeks since she’d last seen her.

As the plane taxied to the gate, she began to panic.  She pulled out her phone, and there was a text from Annie, code-named “Amanda” in case anyone saw her phone. But she was supposed to delete the texts as soon as she read them, just to be safe.

It said simply, You got this! She grinned as she deleted the text. “Darn right, I do.” She told herself.

Mary would have recognized you anywhere. You were standing at the edge of the crowd of people, and your face broke out in an excited grin as soon as you saw her.  You ran forward, enveloping her into a hug, and Mary held tightly for a moment, reveling in your embrace.  You smelled like honeysuckle.

“I sure missed you, Annie! I know it’s only been two weeks, but I swear you got taller! How is that even possible? So, did you have fun?”

“Yeah, I did, but I’m really happy to be home with you,” Mary told her mother with a smile.

“How was the food? Still awful?” you asked, wrinkling your nose.

“You have no idea.”

“I made your favorite for dinner to welcome you home,” you told Mary as the two of you headed towards the baggage claim area.

“Beef stew, yay!” Mary said brightly, trying to summon up some enthusiasm. The fact that she had been a vegetarian for the past year was going to be a bit of a problem. Annie told her to just not eat the meat and if you asked to make up a story about one of your bunkmates being a vegan and really rubbing off on you.

Annie

I am Mary, I am Mary, I am Mary.

Annie kept telling herself this over and over during the flight from Michigan to San Diego.  Her nerves were wound so tight she felt like she was going to explode. Something told her that Mary would need some encouragement, so she sent her a quick text using her “Amanda” alias. She got a smiley-face back in return. Mary was “Megan” in her phone to throw off suspicion.

In a few minutes, she would get off the plane as Mary Winchester, and “Operation Double Trouble” would be in motion.  They hadn’t really discussed how long they were going to let this go before revealing their true identities, but they had the rest of the summer to figure that out.

Annie paused on the jetway and looked back at the plane.  There was no turning back.  She took a deep breath, threw her carryon over her shoulder, and marched out the door into the airport.  There were a lot of people waiting, and she didn’t see anyone, so she stopped and scanned the crowd.

“Mary? Holy crap, what did you do to your hair?” A deep voice said behind Annie, and she whirled around. A tall man was standing behind her with a playful grin on his face.

“Hey, Uncle Dean! I cut it, do you like it?” Holy crap, Uncle Dean was hot! Mary didn’t say our uncle was practically a male model!

He pulled you into a hug. ‘I can actually see your face now, it looks good.”

“Where is Dad?  Didn’t he come?” Annie tried to keep the disappointment from her voice.

“And miss his baby girl’s arrival? Are you kidding? He’s in the bathroom. He’s gonna be so mad that I got to see you first.  So, did you like camp? Juliet has been pouting since you left.”

Juliet….Juliet….Oh yeah, the dog.  “I can’t wait to see my baby, I’ve missed her so much!” Annie tried her best to sound convincing. In fact, she was a little nervous about meeting the dog. Mary had assured her Juliet was a big teddy bear, but big dogs made her nervous.

“Mary, baby, you’re home!” An even taller man came sprinting up to her and Dean, and Annie’s mouth dropped slightly.  None of her friends' dads looked like him. Whoa!

“Hi, Daddy!” She said in her best Mary-ish voice and he enveloped her in a hug.  He was huge.

“You cut your hair, I see.” He said, fingering the short strands.

“Yep, my bunkmate Amanda cut it. I really like it this way.” Annie said defiantly, waiting to see how he would respond.

“Well, if you like it, then I do too,” Sam told her.  “Let’s go get your bags and head home.”

They headed out to the parking garage, both of them peppering her with questions about camp.  They stopped at a gorgeous black classic car, and Annie ran her hand over its shiny bumper. She was a total gear-head.  Her neighbor Mr. Esposito worked in a garage, and sometimes she and her friend Carlos, his son, would go visit him at the shop when he was working late to bring him dinner.

She looked up, and Uncle Dean was giving her an odd look. “Don’t tell me you missed my Baby while you were gone?” He said with a smirk.

“I missed everything, Uncle Dean! Even you!”

The drive home was breathtaking. The city soon gave way to rolling hills, beaches and ocean. California was breathtaking. Uncle Dean was really funny and made Annie laugh.

“So what did you do while I was gone, Dad? Anything exciting?” Annie asked Sam.

Sam and Dean exchanged a look. “Actually, honey, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Sam told Annie.  “I’ve been seeing someone, and I spent some time with her while you were gone. I’d like you to meet her. She’s going to join us for dinner tonight.”

She looked at him in horror. “Seeing her? Like a girlfriend?”

Before Sam could answer, his phone rang.  It was his office calling, and he started talking in legal-ese and Annie tuned out. Unzipping her backpack, she slid her hands inside and grabbed her phone.  She quickly sent Mary a text.

Dad has been “seeing someone”. She is coming to dinner tonight. I will call to discuss. 1 a.m. NY time. set your alarm!

Part 5

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[andthest0ryg0es]

Do You Really Want Me - Chapter 2

Jared tries to watch the game with Izzy, but his mind is distracted. He’s humming to himself, eyes looking at the screen, but it’s pretty clear he’s not paying attention. Izzy jumps up in celebration of her team’s latest touchdown and her flailing arms jolt him out of it.

Shannon knows that look. “You okay, bro?”

“Yeah… uh…” Jared looks at his brother for help. He doesn’t want to fuck up his chances with Izzy but he needs to get in the lab and get this song out of his head now. “I’ll be right back,” he says helplessly and rushes out of the room. Shannon just shakes his head and goes back to cuddling with Kate on the couch.

Izzy pointedly ignores Jared’s departure until the game ends and she finally caves and asks Shannon where Jared disappeared to. Shannon stands and pulls Kate up with him, looking excited.

“The Lab. Come on!” He grabs Kate’s hand in one hand and Izzy’s in the other and drags them down the halls to the Lab. Jared is sitting in the recording booth, a guitar in his hands, and is scribbling furiously on the papers laid out in front of him, a look of deep concentration on his face. He doesn’t even look up when they walk in, and Shannon puts his finger to his lips to warn the girls to keep quiet. Shan starts fiddling with the equipment, seeing Jared was mostly set up to start recording. J knew Shan would follow him in soon enough to help out. When Shan has everything set up, he interrupts his brother.

“You’re all set here. You don’t mind if they stay, right?” Shannon asks, knowing there’s no way Jared is going to kick them out, but trying to remind his brother they exist.

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine,” Jared answers distractedly.

Kate leads Izzy to a couch out of the way and the girls sit, watching the boys intently as they discuss the song.  Shannon points over to the girls sitting on the couch and Jared looks into their direction, waving, smiling when Izzy smiles and waves back at him, her cheeks blushing. Jared quickly returns to his work.

Kate notices Izzy’s cheeks and grabs her by the arm pulling her as close as possible.  “You like him,” she squeals quietly.  

The blood rushes straight back to Izzy’s face and she giggles, her head falling onto her friend’s shoulder and she pulls her knees up onto the couch, wrapping both her arms around Kate’s arm, nuzzling as close as possible to her friend. “Maybe I do. I don’t know.” She rests her chin on Kate’s shoulder and looks inside the recording room. “He’s different tonight.” 

About an hour in Kate gets up from the couch and helps herself to the minibar she knows is kept stocked for nights like this. She grabs a bottle of water for each of them and a bag of M&M’s and one of Buncha-crunch and returns to the couch. She pulls the blanket off the back of the couch and spreads it out over their legs, scooting closer so Kate has one of her legs crossed over Izzy’s under the blanket while they continue to watch the guys do their thing.

Kate opens the M&M’s and puts one on her hand, holding it out to Izzy, who eats it straight from her palm. Izzy does the same with the other candy for Kate. Shannon watches as Izzy teases Kate, pulling the candy away several times until Kate grabs her wrist and pulls it to her mouth, taking her fingers in too, licking the chocolate off the tips of her fingers as she stares her down.

“Stop being so mean to me,” Kate pouts adorably.

“Well if you’d behave I wouldn’t have to be,” Izzy teases back, laughing. Kate tries to do the same thing Izzy did, pulling the candy away, but Izzy’s patience tonight is far shorter and she immediately puts a stop to it, grabbing both of Kate’s wrists in her hands and sitting up, she pulls the bag of candy from her hand and sets it aside. Kate whines. “I thought I told you to behave?” Izzy reprimands her, smacking her hand like a child.

“I’m sorry.” Kate tries to grab the candy back but Izzy’s grip on her wrists is too strong.

“No,” Izzy snips at her, pushing her wrists against the back of the couch, throwing her leg across Kate’s lap and straddling her friend, pinning her hands there. “No more candy for you.” Kate gives up, her body going slack and sinking into the couch beneath her friend, pouting again. Izzy touches her forehead to Kate’s and kisses her gently on the lips before finally releasing her. “Good girl,” Izzy praises, and a smile returns to Kate’s face. The two settle back into the same position they were in before and Izzy hands the bag of candy back to Kate. They look back at the guys as if nothing happened, but Shannon is standing there with a weird look on his face.

“Tell me you saw that,” he nudges Jared, who is writing again.

“Saw what?” Jared asks him, looking back and forth between the girls and Shan.

“Jared, look at them,” Shannon says, pointing with his drumstick towards the girls who are giggling at some private joke again on the other side of the room.

“They’re best friends. And Izabella’s hot. What am I missing?” Jared asks.

“Kate’s hot too, and they just… you know what? Nevermind. Let’s just get this finished,” Shannon says, adjusting himself before he sits back down at his kit and resumes working out the beat they’d been playing with.

It’s two hours later when Jared finally emerges from his trance like state of focus and notices the girls asleep on the couch.  Izzy’s head practically falling into Kate's lap. “Shan, look at them.” Shan rolls his eyes at his brother.

“I’ll walk them out while you finish up in here,” Shannon sighs, knowing Jared isn’t leaving the studio until he’s done. “Babe, wake up,” Shannon whispers, nudging Kate softly.  “I’ll walk you guys out.”  Izzy walks ahead of Kate and Shannon, hopping in the car and turning on the heater, while Shannon and Kate say their goodbyes.   

“You’re pissed!” Kate accuses as soon as they’re out of the driveway.

“No I’m not,” Izzy insists, uncrossing her arms and taking a deep breath in.  “I just…”

“What?” Kate questions, keeping her eyes on the road.

“He didn’t even say goodbye,” Izzy mumbles, focusing on her phone in her hands.  “I thought we...he...I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I don't want to talk about it.”

The girls ride in silence the rest of the way home, Izzy dismissing herself immediately to bed. Kate recognized the familiar look of disappointment in her friend’s face and calls Shannon to work out a plan to fix it.

A few days later Izzy is in the office working frantically on a few last minute party details for a baby shower the girls picked up rather late in the game when Kate strolls in, her cell in her hand. “It’s for you.”

“Why would anyone call me on your phone?” Izzy questions, reluctantly taking the phone, Kate plopping down on the desk to ensure the conversation goes smoothly.  “Hello,” Izzy breathes into the phone.

“Hey. It’s Jared.” Jared’s voice is calm, nearly seductive and Izzy’s eyes meet Kate’s, a grin taking over her face. “I wanted to apologize for the other night. I felt inspired and I had to get that song down before I lost it.”

“It’s okay. It’s a beautiful song, what I heard of it,” Izzy laughs nervously. “I enjoyed watching you create it.”

“You did?” Jared says excitedly, finding a glimmer of hope that he hadn’t fucked everything up with her.

“Honestly, I wished you would have walked me out or said goodbye,” Izzy confesses, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear, looking to Kate for guidance.  

“Can I make it up to you tomorrow night?” Jared softly asks. “Shannon, Kate and I are going to the Halsey concert. Would you be my date?”

Kate nods her head yes, noticing the look of pure terror on Izzy’s face. “I...um...is that a good idea? I mean, didn’t you guys…” Kate grabs the back of Izzy’s head by the hair, pulling hard before she can manage to finish her sentence. “Ow! Fuck!” spewing from her lips in pain.

“Are you okay?” Jared quickly responds, noticing the sound of pain in her voice.

Kate loosens her grip on Izzy’s hair for her to answer him. “Yes, I’m fine. I..uhhh...I accidently pulled my hair.”

Jared’s controlling and dominant nature takes over and without thinking he barks the orders at her. “You and Kate meet up with us at my place. 6:00 sharp. Don't be late. I’ll see you then.”

“Yes, sir,” Izzy spits out in return, giggling at Kate, who is frantically jumping up and down in her victory.

“Did you just…” Jared trails off, a sound of exasperation in his voice. “I’m looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow night Izabella.”

“I didn’t even say yes,” Izzy complains after Jared disconnects. Kate sits her back into her chair.  

“Sweetheart, you said ‘yes, sir,’ “ Kate points out, petting her friend’s hair softly.  “You’re so fucked.”

“I did,” Izzy realizes the moment the words exit Kate’s mouth and her eyes widen.  “Call him back so I can…” She reaches for the phone in a panic.

“No!!!! Just stop right there. You’re going and you’re going to look hot and we’re going to have a blast. Tease the fuck out of him all night. Make him want you,” Kate demands, sitting on the desk in front of Izzy. “You can still be in control. Don’t give him the power.” Kate reassures her, knowing the real reason behind Izzy’s fear of Jared.

The next morning Izzy rushes down the stairs, dressed for a day of hiking.  “Where ya’ going?” Kate smiles, knowing all too well this is a sign of pure nerves and she nudges Shannon, who is face down in a bowl of cereal.  

“I’m going out for a while,” Izzy mumbles, steadily stuffing her pack with water, nuts and a few snacks for her day.

“You and my brother are so much alike,” Shannon insists, shaking his head in disbelief.  

Izzy rolls her eyes and kisses Kate on her cheek. “I’ll be back later. Y’all be good,” she teases, waving as she rushes out the door.

“WAIT!”  Kate calls out, urging Shannon to help her out. “You should go to this trail we found,” Kate exclaims. “It’s so beautiful.  Exactly what you’re looking for. Shan, will you draw her a map of that place, please?” Kate bats her eyelashes at Shannon dramatically and he rushes to do as she asks.

Izzy stands, patiently waiting for the map and rushes out the door, the sound of Kate’s voice echoing through the house. “Remember we have plans tonight!” 

[aingealcethlenn-archive]

Why I Need You

Characters - Bucky Barnes, Reader, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson

Pairing - Bucky x Reader

Summary/Request - Yay! Could you write one with Bucky? He and the reader are in love with each other but don't know how to tell the other. Maybe some commentary from the other Avengers? Little smut if you're not opposed to it ;)

Word Count - 4,441

Warnings - Smut...Fingering, Unprotected sex… A little bit of language, little bit of angst..and of course some fluff (If you spot any other warnings I should add, please let me know so I can edit this post to include them!)

A/N - First ever Avengers/Marvel fic, so be gentle XD Couple songs included are Think A Little Less, She thinks she needs me, and This Is Why I Need You Huge thank you (again) to my sister Wren for helping edit! <3

Tags (Want on or off? Send a message/ask!) - @theimpossibleg1rl​ @charliesxora​ @amantedelcalcio​ @hushothermuses​ @i-stole-rudolphs-nose​  @officialbroski10-blog​ @thepalaceofmelanie​ @serzhantjamesbuchananbarnes​ @buckyywiththegoodhair​ (tagged a couple people who I know write Marvel..and have said people can tag them...I would love y’all’s input since it’s my first Marvel/Bucky fic)

Story:

Working with the Avengers was a challenge to say the least. An enjoyable one, but still a challenge.

This was why Y/N had opted to keep her apartment in the city. So she could have a safe, familiar place to escape to when things got just too… heroically crazy.

It was rare that she would stay at the Tower over night, but Tony had a room set up for her anyway. When nights like last night came around, she was glad to have a bed to sleep in rather than having to crash on the couch.

Just like every morning, Bucky and Steve had gotten up before everyone else in the Tower and had gone for a run. When they got back, they were a little surprised to see everyone still asleep. Each went to their separate room, to shower and get ready for the day before finding their way back to the kitchen.

Steve and Bucky settled onto the island stools, the former man looking to the latter. “So,” he began.

They had been silent their entire run, but now Steve had Bucky in his clutches…

“You and Y/N, huh Buck?” Steve said with a small smirk and a waggle of his eyebrows.

“What?” Bucky replied, confused for a moment before trying to ignore the way her name made him want to smile.

“I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want you distracted,” Steve chuckled, “but I saw you sneaking out of her room this morning before I came to get you for our run.”

Bucky’s cheeks heated up and he glanced away from Steve, as if just remembering.

“Oh, that... “

“I think it’s great you found someone, Buck,” Steve said with his genuine smile. “Y/N is a great girl. You two are -”

“Whoa, whoa,” Bucky held his hands up, cutting Steve off. “No, no... It’s not… it's nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?” Steve asked, bemused at Bucky’s stammering.

“She just… I mean... “

“Well?” Steve folded his arms, on the border of playful.

“She… dammit, Steve, she calms me. When I’m sleeping next to her. The… it… it helps the… the nightmares... “ His voice trailed off.

Steve was still for a moment before he solemnly nodded, reassuring his friend that he understood.

“She deserves better than me though, if that were true,” Bucky chuckled uncomfortably and humorlessly, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Y/N holds all these high expectations of who she thinks I am… and I know I could never live up to that person in her head.”

“What do you mean?” Steve retorted disbelievingly.

Bucky let out a soft sigh, running his hands over his face before he continued.

“It’s like she thinks I walk on water, or that I... hung the moon itself, Steve,” he confided in a low, quiet tone. “She thinks I have it all together and under control. Swears I’m tough as nails. Every morning, she gives me this… this trusting look, and I just don’t have the heart to tell her the truth.”

“Well, Buck, you came into her life at the right time.”

“Maybe.”

“Bucky… “

“You know, sometimes she cries on my shoulder when she's lying next to me,” Bucky admitted quietly. “She’d never let anyone else see her break down like that, though... The funny thing is, she thinks she's the lucky one. But she doesn’t realize that when I ‘hold her together’, she's really holding me together.”

Steve smiled softly at his friend. The look on Buck’s face… the man was in love.

“Every morning, like clockwork, she buries her face into my neck,” Bucky pressed on. “She plants a feather like kiss, and whispers against my skin… she says: ‘They just don't make men like you Bucky’.” Buck shook his head slowly. “Sure, I smile and kiss her hair back... But she doesn’t know how much I need her, Steve.” Bucky sighed raggedly, rubbing his hand down his face once more.

“She doesn’t know I'd fall apart without that kiss... without her touch, without her arms just… bein’ there. She doesn’t know that it's all about her. That I can't live without her. She's my world, man. She's my everything.”

He chuckles a little. “And she thinks she needs me.”

“So why not just tell her that?”

His soft features went stone cold. “I can’t.”

It had been a long day.

The Avengers had been called to straighten a mishap with some local mutants, but all-in-all, it hadn't been worth the entire team assembling and shipping out, but everyone joined anyway.

They had been getting antsy.

But at the end of their night, the quinjet landed and everyone made their way into the tower.

Bucky, however, held back, leaving just him and Y/N alone in the hanger.

“It’s getting pretty late,” Bucky said, walking beside her as she made her way into the tower slowly. “Are you staying here tonight?”

“Uh, no,” Y/N replied, surprised, thinking now. “I wasn’t planning on it, anyway.”

She looked up into his eyes, immediately noticing something was wrong. They both halted in their walk to the interior of the tower. “Why? Do you need me to stay?” She asked, bless her.

Y/N and Bucky - of course - had a complicated relationship.

The meaning of the word “complicated” here means that: she secretly loved him with her whole heart and he secretly loved her with his whole heart. They always wanted to be there, whenever the other needed, but neither could admit their true feelings to the other.

He had come to rely on her to help calm his demons, and she had come to depend on him and his silence to console her in her darkest thoughts. Unsure what it was about her exactly, he knew that when he was close to her, they could be silent. When he slept, with her wrapped in his arms; the nightmares were warded away.

“No,” he said, then immediately after: “I don’t know,” he mumbled, almost inaudibly.

He then said, louder, “Do you want a… a ride home? Later?” She smiled up at him, her eyes gleaming at his hidden proposal. “Sure, Buck. That would be great.”

Finally making their way into the Tower, it didn’t take long for the usual suspects to start in with their jokes.

“You know, there’s perfectly good beds in each of the rooms. You two don’t have to hide in the quinjet to get it on,” Tony quipped with a snicker as they walked through the door.

“Very funny, Stark,” Y/N snipped back, grinning. “But you know I’m not that type of girl. I’d rather have privacy, than to perform for your literally-everywhere-cameras.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh. Sam simply offered a high five as she walked past, and Steve could do nothing more than smile and shake his head in endearment.

After changing out of her uniform, and into some normal clothes, Y/N made her way to the common area. Looking around, she couldn’t find Bucky anywhere, so she assumed he had already gone to the garage.

They knew better than to try to leave together.

Sam looked over the back of the couch, and saw her standing there.

“Leaving so soon?”

“Yea, I gotta get out of here.”

“Date?” Sam waggled his eyebrows.

“No,” she replied flatly. “Why would you ask that?”

Sam eyed her up and down. “Sexy, tight, low cut, black dress? Just to go home?” He jerked his head back and forth suggestively with each word when he purred, “I don’t think so.”

“It’s just what I grabbed from my small stash of clothes, Wilson,” Y/N replied, chagrined and massaging the bridge of her nose. She had a headache all of a sudden.

“Barnes already went down to the garage, sayin’ he was going out for the night. If you think you two are hiding something, you,” he paused dramatically to smirk, “are saaa-ha-hadly mistaken.”

Steve came walking around the corner just in time to save Y/N.

“Need a lift home, Y/N?” “Uh, no, thanks Steve,” Y/N stammered. “I’m good.”

“Alright.”

He walked up and gave her the usual side-hug good-bye, like always, but this time he leaned down to whisper for only her to hear. “Take care of him, okay?”

She looked up at Steve, her eyes widened slightly. He just smiled and gave a subtle wink before turning and walking away again.

Making her way down to the garage, furiously trying to ignore the heat of her cheeks, Y/N smiled when she saw Bucky sitting there waiting, leaning against one of the cars.

He straightened up as he heard her approach, his eyes widening a small fraction as he took in her dress.

“You’ve never looked better, doll,” he whistled, and smiled at her laugh. He rested his hands on her waist, taking in the sight in front of him.

“You know they are watching, Bucky,” she replied with a tight smile.

Nodding, he released her and opened the passenger door for her. Sliding in, she got situated and nodded for Bucky to close the door.

Once he was behind the wheel, he started the car and looked over to Y/N. “Why even bother looking at the reasons not to anymore? Huh?” Bucky said, with a smirk, and a mischievous gleam in his blue eyes. “Tomorrow, when they ask all their questions, we can tell a white lie about how I dropped you off at home, and walked you to the door and nothing more…” Bucky was running his hand lightly from her knee to her mid-thigh before finally reaching for the gear shift and taking off.

First stop light he came to, he looked over at her and smiled mischievously once again.

“We have all night doll, so how about, ‘til then, we kiss a little more.” He leaned over and placed a light kiss on her lips without a reply. He chuckled lowly at her surprised ‘mmph!’.

As the light changed to green again, he pulled away and continued driving to her apartment.

“We can think a little less…” Bucky murmured into her neck at the next stop light. “Get you out of that dress.”

He rested his hand on her thigh, at the bottom edge of the dress, now sliding it up ever so slowly, “and maybe kiss a little more.”

They grinned at each other and Bucky parked in the apartment building’s garage.

Before Y/N could gather herself, her door opened next to her. Looking up, she saw those lust filled blue eyes staring down at her, and she couldn’t help but feel her stomach tighten.

Bucky held his hand out, and Y/N gladly took it. As soon as she was out of the car, he pressed her against the back door. His hands planted on the roof, one on either side of her head. With ease, his lips found hers in a heated embrace.

When they finally separated, she flashed a devious smirk and ducked under his arm. Bucky watched with smiling eyes as she giggled and ran for the elevator.

Y/N pushed the button, and waited with her back to Bucky. His eyes trailed up and down her body, wanting nothing more than to take her right then and there. The ding of the elevator arriving snapped him from his thoughts.

Standing inside the doors, she crooked her finger, beckoning Bucky to her. He made his way toward her, with purpose. She could tell his demeanor had changed. From the soft, caring man she knew and loved, to one resembling a lion stalking it’s prey.

She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks again. As Bucky entered the small space, Y/N leaned back against the cold wall. His back to her as he pushed the button for her floor and waited for the doors to close.

Y/N could feel the pressure building again, and felt that all too familiar tingle between her legs. She tried desperately to squeeze her legs together in an effort to offer at least a little relief.

As soon as the doors closed, Bucky whipped around to face her. The smirk on his face told her everything. His eyes darted down to her legs, and back to her face.

“Mm-nm princess. Don’t do that.”

She let out a soft whimper, but stopped squeezing her legs together. Bucky sauntered up to her, and trapped her between the wall and his body. He rested his left hand on her hip. His right hand found it’s way to the hem of her little black dress. She was silently thanking the Gods that her elevator moved so painstakingly slow. Bucky’s right hand slid up her leg with barely enough pressure to be noticed. When he reached her bare hip, Bucky leaned in close, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin just below her ear. She could feel his warm breath tickling her, causing her to let out a desperate moan.

“Such a naughty girl,” he growled.

His fingers continued to trail across her lower abdomen until they reached her center. Ghosting their way down her soft, delicate skin until they found what they were looking for.

Y/N could feel him smirk against her neck. His fingers sliding through her uncovered, slick folds with ease.

“For me doll?”

Not trusting her voice, Y/N just nodded in reply, biting her lip.

That was the invitation Bucky needed. He slowly slid his middle and ring fingers all the way in. Curling them, pressing against her tight walls, eliciting a sound from her lips that caused his own excitement to grow.

As Bucky’s lips made a trail along her neck and collarbone, his long, thick fingers worked in and out of her core. His thumb working her nub, helping to bring her close to the edge of ecstasy.

Just as she was about to fly over the edge of that cliff, the elevator sounded and the doors opened for her floor.

Bucky quickly removed his fingers, and wrapped his left arm around her waist to help hold her up as they made their way quickly to her apartment. Walking through the front door, Bucky quickly closed and locked it behind them.

Turning to face Y/N, just as her little black dress hit the floor, Bucky’s eyes widened. Every time he saw her this way, he realized just how good he had it.

He didn't know how, but his shaky legs brought him right in front of her.

As she went to kneel before him, her hands on his belt, he stopped her and tugged her up to stand again.

Ignoring the confused expression on her face, he laid a soft, long kiss to her lips.

One that wasn't without passion; but was simple.

When they finally broke away, Bucky reached over his head and quickly pulled his shirt off while Y/N worked to loosen his jeans, allowing them to fall to the floor and his rock hard member to spring free. Toeing off his shoes, Bucky stepped out of his pants and kicked them aside.

Wrapping his arms around Y/N, he lifted her up and her legs instinctively wrapped around his hips, careful not to hurt him with the heels she still wore.

As he walked to her room, his right hand slid up her back gently. Pinching the fabric of her bra between his fingers, he expertly unclipped it. She quickly discarded it somewhere in the hallway as Bucky continued on his path.

Once they entered the room, he went straight to the bed, not bothering to shut the door behind him. Setting her down, his lips hovered just centimeters above hers.

His hands cupped her face gently. “You are so beautiful,” he whispered.

His lips finally touched hers again, just as he slipped himself inside of her. Slowly burying himself to the hilt. Swallowing the moan that tried to escape her, Bucky smiled.

He could feel her body clench around him, eliciting a deep rumble from his chest. She rocked her hips under him, letting him know exactly what she wanted. Bucky didn’t need any more encouraging. He drew his hips back slowly, making Y/N whimper at the loss, before pushing back into her. Listening intently to every beautiful sound she made.

Gripping the sheets next to her, Y/N continued to rock her hips. Matching Bucky’s movements. What had she done to deserve this kind of attention from such a perfect specimen?

Whatever it was, she’d have to make sure to do it again… And again… And again.

Running her hands up his arms, reaching around his back and pulling him down to her chest. He kissed and nipped at her neck. Her nails scraped down his back as she arched into him even more.

Feeling him begin to throb inside her, she clenched around him yet again. Each feeling their release quickly approaching. Bucky’s hips began to move faster, losing all rhythm and instead just working toward that peak.

His thrusts were rough, deep, needing.

“Please Bucky…” she moaned.

Bucky’s hand slipped between them, his thumb adding pressure to her sensitive nub.

“Let go for me doll.”

That was all she needed to finally fly over her edge. Her walls clenched around Bucky, tighter than he’d ever felt her before. He couldn’t hold himself back any longer, and felt himself release rope after rope deep inside her core.

Resting his head in the crook of her neck, he gently kissed her salty skin.

“I love you…” he mumbled into her collarbone.

Once he was able to steady his breathing, he worked his way along her jawline until his lips met hers yet again.

Pulling away, he finally stood up and made his way to the bathroom. Cleaning himself off, he got a small wet towel and brought it back into the room. He gently cleaned her off, being sure not to apply too much pressure.

Pushing herself up into the bed, Y/N sat up and finally removed her heels, setting them just under the bed so she wouldn’t trip over them in the morning. Laying down, she rested her head on the pillow, careful to face away from Bucky.

She curled the covers over her shoulder and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes tiredly.

Don't overthink it, she thought to herself, her brows furrowing insecurely.

Too late.

Her thoughts turned to the words he had murmured against her body... Did he really say… what I think he said? No. He couldn’t. It..It had to be a mistake. Right?

Bucky tossed the towel into the laundry basket, before climbing into the bed behind Y/N.

After a moment of settling under the covers, his cold metal fingers found their gentle spots on her hip and gently brought her towards the middle of the bed as he moved forward in tandem, his chest meeting her back.

He draped his arm around her, and pulled her in close. Feeling her body relax, and melt into his.

While she felt her insecurity and doubt, Bucky was oblivious. This is perfection, he thought, inhaling her scent. This is what I want every, single, night. This is love.

Bucky smiled into her hair as he drifted off to sleep.

Three weeks had passed since the night Bucky had brought Y/N back to her apartment. She had hardly spoken to him since, and he was beginning to get worried that something had gone wrong.

Sure, she tried to behave as if everything was normal. Y/N would still sit with Bucky, still help him anytime he needed her. But he knew her well enough to know something was wrong.

The truth was, she couldn’t bring herself to completely ignore the three little words he’d said that night. Did he actually mean them? Was it just something he had said in the moment?

She knew in heart how strong her own feelings were, but she couldn’t know the full extent of his. Though, she couldn’t find the strength to bring it up to him either.

It was late again, when Y/N returned from her latest mission. Not wanting to bother with going home, she opted to stay at the Tower for the night.

While Y/N had been off on a mission with Natasha, Clint, and Stark, Bucky managed to find some down time to think things through. He toyed with the idea of telling her the truth. Telling her exactly how he felt and not as he panted against her, well-spent...

Steve assured him that it was the right choice. Without revealing too much about what he knew of Y/N’s feelings toward Bucky, of course.

Standing outside her door, he tried to gather the courage to step inside. The possibilities of how the events could unfold, playing like a movie in his head. He knew what needed to be done.

He opened her door slowly, peering around the edge to find her sitting cross legged on her bed. He stood watching her scribble away in her notebook, it was as if the rest of the world had dissolved away.

He cleared his throat, trying to get her attention without startling her. Looking up from her lap, she beamed up at him brightly.

“If you’re busy I can--”

“--No!” she interrupted softly, a small smile that didn't reach her eyes accompanying her words. “Come, sit.” She patted the bed next to her.

Closing her notebook, she leaned over and set it on her side table. Bucky took a seat on her bed, his feet still on the floor.

She could tell something was off.

With a furrow of her brow, she asked, “What’s wrong, Bucky?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now,” he began quietly, “and I really just need to be honest with you.”

Her small smile dropped a little. “Okay?”

He took her hands and looked down - noticing just how perfectly they fit together.

“Y/N… I - uhh… You…”

“Just say it, Bucky. Please.”

He sighed, trying to articulate just what he wanted to say.

“I have so many questions… that I-,” he began softly. “So many places to go... And there are just... too many options, and too many unknowns…” he paused for a moment, avoiding her eyes and missing how they were softening to a sympathetic stare.

“There are so many problems, and no one who cares enough to fix them… There are so many roads in my head, Y/N…. and they all need repairs… But… “

Lifting his eyes finally, his gaze locked onto hers and he smiled softly.

“This is why I need you, Y/N.”

Y/N’s face fell completely in shock. “Bucky…?”

“You keep the ship moving forward, and you make it easy for me to try to get through another day,” he pressed on, moving a hand to cradle her cheek. “You have a way of making my crazy feel normal... every single time.”

She was deathly still for a long minute before she scooted closer to him on the bed and placed herself in his lap. Resting her head on his shoulder, Bucky wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

“You make the darkness less dark, and the edges less sharp. You make my weakness... less weak.”

Her embrace tightened as tears welled in her eyes, threatening to fall and soak his shoulder.

“I'm afraid of the things in my head,” she whispered into his shoulder, tears threatening to spill.

“Most days, my demons are silent. But when they talk?” she paused, breathing in shakily, “Oh, God how they scream…”

Y/N was silent for a long moment, shocked still at the admission, and how her shoulders relaxed but were shaking with soundless sobs. He felt no wetness on his shoulder, so he pulled her up to look into her eyes.

Her jaw was set, and her eyes jumped away from him. He saw that they looked like gleaming ponds with the unshed tears that lingered.

With a blink, her eyes flooded and she hastily wiped her face clear of them.

“A-and when they become too much for us,” she stammered out, breathing heavily, “that’s when we seek out someone with the same demons, whether consciously or not. That’s how we find… fuckin’ love, Bucky.”

They stared for a long, long moment - Bucky too dazed to add anything…

“I couldn’t be happier to have been found by you,” she murmured steadfastly, her misty eyes boring into his own. “We can stay here and laugh away that fear, right?”

Bucky's arms rewound around her, his hands cradling her neck and shoulders. “Right.”

They leaned closer, their lips brushing softly over the other’s and she whispered, “I love you, Bucky Barnes,” with a small, growing smile.

Bucky’s smile was luminous, as his ice-blue eyes bolted between hers, the corners of his crinkling.

“I love you too, Y/N Y/L/N…” he murmured in awe.

Smiling a wide smile herself, she curled herself into his chest and rested her lips upon the juncture where his neck met his collarbone.

Bucky’s eyes slid shut at the feeling of her breath on his neck and became drowsy…

Smirking, he slowly descended backwards until his back hit the bed, Y/N squealing briefly at the sudden falling sensation.

She allowed her legs to fall to one side of Bucky’s body and wove one of her legs between his, his thick bicep cushioning her head like a perfect pillow.

They stayed like this for hours, just in each other’s arms. Together.

It was around seven o’clock that the usual crowd at the Avengers Tower noticed the absence of Bucky and Y/N.

Sam suspected the worst, making innuendos and sly comments that earned him a few laughs, but mostly light punches from Natasha.

It was Tony, Sam and Steve that decided to hunt down the (obvious) couple.

They tried Bucky’s room, but only found it dark in the fading light of the sun across New York’s horizon.

When they came to Y/N’s room, though, Steve took the initiative to approach quietly and carefully.

With a soft, barely audible rap against the metal from Steve, Tony overrode the automatic lock and opened the door.

Steve had placed himself in front of the two men with him, so he could easily stop Sam from barging in to disturb the sleeping pair.

Tony was surprisingly quiet, but upon glancing back, Steve noticed the small little grin tugging at his lips…

“C’mon, guys…” Steve whispered smugly. “I think we can settle our wagers in the living room?”

[steelopus]

Easter will always remind me of this story...

First, some relevant family history: my brother is 13 years older than I am. He is solely responsible for getting me into good music, inspiring and teaching me to play guitar, and taking me to my first concert. I was 15 in 1995 and just a sophomore in high school. By this point in my life he had already ignited my love for music and guitar; I was in a band and I was writing songs, but I had never been to a live music event. On the other hand, my brother was 28, seven years removed from a Cornell education that saw him end up with a business degree. After college he worked as a desk jockey for a few years at Chase before deciding that he had missed his calling in life to be a writer. Eventually he quit Chase and moved to Boston to pursue a Masters in writing at Emerson College.

Periodically I'd receive packages from him in the mail that contained magazine clippings and guitar tabs, cassette tapes with demo songs he'd been writing, etc., all kinds of stuff that 15-year-old-me thought was fantastic. At some point in late March I received another one of these packages; one of the enclosed snips of paper was this:

As a 15 year old with few friends and no social life, it wasn't difficult to clear my schedule.

April 14th, 1995 was Good Friday. He had driven home from Boston to celebrate the Easter holiday with the family. I was always especially happy when he would visit. He often came bearing musical inspiration and musical gifts (guitar strings, cassettes, picks, etc.). But what could possibly be so important that he made me reserve Holy Saturday? Friday night arrived and I went to bed, still completely in the dark about the plans for the next day. He woke me on Saturday around 10am and told me to get dressed and to meet him out front. I hastily threw on some clothes and grabbed a slice of toast as I ran out the front door to an idling car. "Get in!" he shouted through the drivers window, "We've got to get going!" I opened the door to that old teal Ford Escort and slid into the seat. Before I knew it we were on the road - destination: unknown, at least to me.

My memories of the trip itself are vague, but I remember that as a 15 year old, I didn't know much about the roads besides "I've been in this car long enough to know I'm not in Rochester anymore." I noticed signs indicating we were on the NYS Thruway, I-90, heading eastbound. "Where are we going? Where are you taking me?" I asked repeatedly. It may as well have been "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?!" Surely I was driving him insane, but he was a rock and gave me no indication of what was in store. We continued driving east for quite a while. Hours and mile markers passed by. I was no travel buff, but I knew my geography, and I understood that heading east on I-90 would be sending us towards Albany, New York City, Boston, and other assorted points east. Eventually I noticed a sign indicating a major split in the roadway: keep left to continue towards Boston, keep right to head towards NYC. "This is it," I thought to myself, "this should answer my questions." Sure enough, and not entirely surprisingly, he kept to the left, continuing on I-90 towards Boston.

At this point it became pretty clear to me where we were headed. I had never been to Boston so that prospect alone was totally awesome. Soon though, my mind turned towards my mom, and home, and Easter, and "Holy shit! Tonight is the Easter Vigil at church. Mom's gonna be so pissed if I'm not there!" I continued to beg him to tell me what was happening, but still, informational silence... that is, until we stopped for dinner at a rest stop on the Mass Pike between Worcester and Boston.

After scarfing down some McDonald's, we returned to the car to continue our trip. We were close enough to Boston at this point that the car radio could pick up some FM stations. He had tuned into WFNX and just as I was buckling my seatbelt, I heard the DJ say it... "We're gearing up for the big show tonight down at Axis; we'll be on location. Slash's Snakepit is in town! I hope you've got your tickets because this show is sold out!" Did I hear that correctly? My face must have lit up like a Christmas tree. I turned to him: confused, excited, sheepishly grinning.

Slash stood tall above all other influences on my music and guitar training (still does). My brother had weaned me on a steady diet of Guns N' Roses as I was learning to play, and when that band imploded I discovered the first Slash's Snakepit album after reading a review in Rolling Stone. As far as I was concerned, Jesus had already returned to Earth: he let his hair grow wild, smoked cigarettes, shaved his chest, drank heavily, wore assless chaps and a tophat, he could fucking shred, and now... now I was only miles from The Savior himself. As I begged my brother to tell me what was happening, he pulled two tickets out of his pocket. We were going to the show. I have no idea what happened between that moment and the moment we arrived on Lansdowne Street. I only remember pulling onto the street - a long row of bars on my left and the towering walls of Fenway Park on my right - and seeing tour vans parked in front of Axis. We parked somewhere nearby and made our way toward the club.

We were a bit early and had beaten the majority of the crowds; only a few people were standing outside the club waiting to get in. We stood at the end of the line and I don't think I uttered a single syllable for a few minutes while I stood there and took everything in. This was all so new to me: my first time in a big city, my first time near a real baseball stadium, my first time standing outside a rock club, and ultimately, my first concert. Then I felt Sam tugging on my shirt. I looked over and he was pointing up the road... pointing at a group of people walking towards us. At such a great distance it'd be nearly impossible to identify any mere mortal, but what I saw standing in the middle of that group was no mere mortal. Rising above the head-line I saw a little black tower, a smokestack of sorts. Before I knew it, we had sacrificed our place in line and were walking towards the group; we met them half-way. There before me stood Slash's Snakepit, including ex-Gunner Gilby Clarke, and the messiah himself, Slash.

Was I starstruck? You have no idea. I'm fairly certain I didn't say a thing. I probably didn't even look him in the eye. I mean, what are you supposed to do for royalty of this sort? Bow? Genuflect? All I know is that my brother had slyly pulled an index card and a sharpie from his pocket and handed it to Slash for an autograph. He signed the card, kept the sharpie, and continued walking towards the club. I stood there dumbfounded as my brother handed me the autograph. "What do I do with this?" I wondered. This belongs behind glass, perhaps behind an altar somewhere. He took it back from me and carefully put it in his back pocket. We ran back to the club and got back in line.

Eventually they opened the doors and let us in. I remember entering and being completely baffled by the whole scene. I'd never been inside a bar like this. If you've never seen Axis - it's a truly tiny club. To think that just a few years prior Slash was performing for hundreds of thousands of people at festivals internationally, and now I was going to see him in a bar barely bigger than my parents' garage - it was simply overwhelming. We pushed our way towards stage left, where Slash always stood, and took up a defensive position right at the front of the stage. I couldn't believe this was really happening. If you had told me it was all a dream, I might have believed you. In actuality it was a dream come true.

The band came out, and they fucking rocked, and they rolled, and they grooved... but mostly they rocked. I distinctly remember them performing a cover of Magic Carpet Ride. Eric Dover (who I would also enjoy a few years later as the singer for Imperial Drag) had a true rock voice and enough charisma to stand on stage and not be completely dwarfed by Slash. The band was clicking on all cylinders, but most of all, it was Slash. It was Slash standing right in front of me. It was Slash flinging sweat on me while he furiously strummed his Les Paul. It was Slash redefining, in an instant, what I defined to be cool. It was Slash setting the tone for the goals of the rest of my life.

After the show, we went back to my brothers apartment and I called home. Repentantly... "Mom, I'm in Boston. Sam took me to Boston to see a concert. It was amazing... sorry we missed the Mass. We're driving home tomorrow, but I don't think we'll be back in time for dinner... I'm sorry." (To this day I struggle with overcoming my Catholic Guilt. My mom is so dedicated to the church that I joke to people about how she is next in line to be the Pope.) It wasn't until many years later that my mom confessed that she knew about the trip the whole time. The next morning, Easter, we drove back to Rochester. Along the way we heard the news about the Oklahoma City bombing. We got back to Rochester late Sunday afternoon, in time for Easter dinner, and the next day my brother packed his things and drove all the way back to Boston - ultimately he made two round trips to between Boston and Rochester in 4 days.

In 2008 I read Slash's autobiography. He talks about how that first tour with Snakepit was an almost therapeutic experience for him. After dealing with the stresses of touring arenas and stadiums while a member of GN'R, and putting up with Axl's bullshit night after night, he described the Snakepit tour as a return to what he loved most about being a musician: the experience of standing on stage and performing for a roomful of people that genuinely care about the music itself, rather than all the pomp and excess associated with major tours. I couldn't stop smiling while reading that chapter of the book; to know that Slash himself enjoyed my first concert just as much as I did is a truly great feeling.

[mysecretnotsosecretjournal-blog]

... a new start?

February 2nd, 2018 

Okay so I made it through the week. Like I am here all is well and I am sort of functioning as a human. Today was wild busy, I had to work with the grant office, organize my loans, write the start of a paper, go to lab, and tutor. I mean I woke up at six and it is 11 at night. I have not stopped for a break yet! I am proud of myself for keeping on. 

I am not really sure what to write about.. I woke up wednesday and I just felt like life was going to get better, that I was going to be okay. I have felt weird since then. I am not going to question it though. 

I saw my ex the other day and my heart hurt, I mean it hurt a little less then usual, but still hurt. I mean it is clear he is avoiding me, and I miss him but I feel like its going to be okay. So I want to focus on that feeling. Plus the best revenge is bettering yourself! I am going to pass all my classes, live a positive colourful life, and look hot AF! I know it is petty but it makes me feel better. You can't tell me you didn't want someone to regret missing out on you? Because I want him to see me and think “damn I fucked up”. So the best revenge is being the best you and thats exactly what I plan on doing!!! That being said I want to sleep in tomorrow but I also need to workout ... UGH 

I think I am going to get my ears pierced tomorrow. I want seconds, a third, and my helix but I can't afford all that so seconds and my helix it is. I haven't told my best friend yet but I figure I will just show up and see if she notice. I miss her... she and i are on very different class schedules and I never get to see her. I hope she misses me just as much. She's out tonight celebrating and ex friends birthday. 

I say ex friend because she was to much drama and hurting the people I care about so, if you don't add positively to my life you don't get to add at all. That being said my best friend knows this girl from years back isn't super close but is there because we are very good friends with ex friends boyfriend. He's the bomb.com and goes to school with us. I just couldn't handle her treatment of him and the drama, gossip, lying, it all became to much so snip snip.

Okay well I am going to go try drawing or sleeping I haven't decided yet. I will check in again sometime soon.