#and tomorrow's going to be a different fucking day than this one and that's all i can ask for
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doublejango · 3 days ago
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for @botanikos -- for post-Mastermind feelz
Blitz had never felt this strange in his life. He watched the sky, watched the fireworks, listened to the gunshots. All across the city, imps were celebrating. Not just that he had lived, but than one of them had survived. Against all odds, he was still here, an imp had been thrust into the eye of damned near every power in Hell, but he was still breathing--
Because of Stolas.
He turned his head, listening to his former lover's steady breathing. Half-comforted by his presence, half-heartbroken, Blitz felt like a mess, but a calm one, a happy one. He shouldn't be happy, and he knew there was going to be fear and trauma to come from all of this, but so be it. That was just life, and it was for tomorrow. For right now, for tonight? Everything was okay. Even if nothing was really okay, because Stolas's world had just been torn apart, things were okay. Right now, right now, they were okay.
When the celebrations died off, Blitz silenced his phone. He got up and went over to the couch, just standing there for a moment and looking down at Stolas, heart full to bursting with how much he loved him, with the depth of the gratitude he felt. He kissed his forehead again, not wanting to wake him. "I love you," he whispered, as soft as a breath, his lips near Stolas's ear. "I love you, Stolas. And I'm gonna take care of you. Whatever it takes."
Blitz went and showered--
And that was where it hit.
Everything about the day caught up with him all at once, and he had to press his hands and face against the tiled wall, focusing on just breathing, just letting the tidal wave of emotions brush over him. In a way, an odd, fucked up way, this all felt... wrong? That axe had descended towards him and he had accepted it, he had lowered his head willingly, proud to die for the people he loved, trying to will his love out into them, and he should be dead. Blitz had had all kinds of close calls before, but this? This felt different.
There was a difference between a public execution and a firefight that just came up in the course of doing one's job.
And now?
Now, he knew what the situation really was in Hell. He knew it wasn't just a bias. He didn't have a chip on his shoulder. He had an entire world of his people, all of them as vulnerable as he was--most of them, a fuckton more so. All of the lesser Hellborn, the lowest of the low, were nothing more than bugs to be squashed in the eyes of Hell's nobility, with no protections, no one who would come for them the way Stolas had...
Blitz toweled off slowly, letting his mind and heart wander, feeling numb and strange. He knew that things were going to change, knew he was going to--to what? To overthrow the tyrants who chose not to value the lives of their people? To champion his own, whatever it cost, whatever it took? Knew he was going to make Stolas pancakes, and try to help him laugh, and try to help him feel safe? That. And that. And that, and that, and that.... So many thoughts buzzing through him, but he didn't try to fight them. He didn't try to put them down or chase them, too tired, too worn out.
Satan was an idiot who had just put his star on the ascendant, and Blitz wasn't going to waste that opportunity.
But ambitions were for tomorrow.
Tonight was for love.
He had one stuffed animal left from his childhood. It didn't take long to dig the soft little horse plushie out of the closet. Blitz tucked it into Stolas's arms, then slipped a hand under the blanket to feel his chest. His place was colder than Stolas's ever was, he worried, so he grabbed his leather jacket and draped it over Stolas's torso as well.
"I love you," he whispered again. Vision blurring with tears, Blitz smiled at him for a long moment, then went and changed into his pajamas. Content, he stretched out on the floor--with his tail up on the couch, loosely draped over Stolas's legs. He was sure there was no way he was ever going to fall asleep, not now, but...
-
The apartment smelled subtly different in the morning. Stolas. Stolas and heartache, and even the air felt fragile somehow, but that warm, feathery scent was enough to make Blitz smile the moment he woke. He tried to tone it down, trying to be respectful of the fact that his beloved probably wasn't going to be okay, or anything near it, for a long, long time, but still... Blitz was happy he was here. Selfishly so, maybe, but better that Stolas was here than dead.
He sat up and looked over, trying to gage if he was awake or not, unwilling to disturb him if he wasn't. Everything felt complicated, they had an entirely new set of rules to figure out, who and what they were to each other, all of it, everything had changed--but all of that major shit could trickle in slowly. There was no need to rush. No need to overwhelm Stolas, who was probably already overwhelmed, already a mess. How could he not be, after everything that had just been ripped away from him?
"You up?" Blitz whispered, his voice quiet in the dimly lit room.
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matthewswifeyx · 2 days ago
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Matt building Y/N's furniture <3
Warnings- suggestive, swearing, pet names
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I have this habit of randomly hanging my room suddenly, but the problem is, I can't build furniture to save my own life. Good thing I have Matt though. He never turns down helping me out, that's what makes him so sweet.
I had bought new shelves, a desk, a dresser, a chair and a full length mirror. So this challenge was going to take pretty much all day.
All of the boxes were laid out across my wooden floor, Matt had the idea of building the furniture in the order of which one looked the easiest wo build. So he started off with my mirror. I did try helping him, but I was more of a distraction than a helper to Matt.
"Just sit on your bed, read, and look pretty. Okay sweetheart?" He smirked at me.
"Yes Matty." I huffed out in frustration and took my book off of my bedside table.
Matt had his well used tool box open beside him. He screwed in what he had to screw for the mirror, and assembled it perfectly.
"Where do you want this baby?" He asked.
"In this corner please, Matty." I blushed.
Matt moved the mirror into the corner and got going onto his next task. I had already marked on my wall on where I had wanted my shelves, so all Matt had to do was place the screws in the holes and drill it into the wall.
Every now and again Matt's hand would meet his forehead to swipe away any beads of sweat. My hardworking Matt. He was wearing a plain white wife beater with grey sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips. I wasn't actually reading, I was watching Matt over the pages of my book. He was so hypnotizing, in literally any activity I cannot keep my eyes off him.
"Fuck!" Matt yelled out. I was startled out of my trance.
"What's wrong?" I placed my book to my side.
"They forgot one of the screws." He said.
"I can go see if there are any in the kitchen draws? You could probably find anything in there." I joked and sat up.
"Uhh yeah, please." He flashed me a quick smile
I got up off of my bed and trotted towards the kitchen, I searched through the draws for a couple of minutes until I found a packet filled with a variety of different sized screws. Drilling had started, coming from my bedroom. I snatched the bag from the draw and went back to Matt. I opened the door again and held up the bag.
"I have your scre-" I was met with a now shirtless Matt drilling a shelf into my wall. Could there be a hotter sight? The drilling stopped just like me. And Matt looked over.
"Cat got your tongue?" he asked sarcastically. he also chuckled under his breath at my reaction to him and the expression on my face. I walked over towards Matt, still not saying anything. It's not like I had never seen Matt shirtless before, it's just the situation Matt it more intense. My face began to grow hot and turned a light shade of pink. I handed the screws over to him. I sat back down on my bed 'continued' reading. My eyes sat nicely staring over the top of my book again. "Seriously Y/N stop staring." He laughed. "Or i'll have to make you."
"It's not my fault you look hot." I said without thinking, not even realising what he had just said. It hit me and I grew impossibly redder. But, I wanted to play along. "Go on then." Matt had gone back to drilling. He stopped again, and dropped the drill.
"Fuck the shelves." He came over to the bed and smashed his lips against mine. I fell back onto my bed, Matt still kissing. My book had fallen from my hands and went on the floor somewhere.
Lets just say that Matt didn't put the shelves up that day, and had to continue his work tomorrow.
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Banner credits to @bernardsbendystraws <33
Hey guys! If you have any suggestions/requests please do not hesitate to send me a quick message, and i will try and get back to you asap! <3
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cerbreus · 2 months ago
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baking never feels more like science to me than when i'm trying to cobble together an intricate multi step recipe together from several different recipes and tutorials online because the recipe I'm imagining doesn't exist....
#genuinely feels like a science experiment making something fancier than a frosted layer cake#have to do all kinds of volume and weight conversions because one recipe is japanese and the other is indian and the other is english lmfao#none of the recipes are probably the exact volume I need so i might have to make some minis with my extra stuff#i have to find a very precise sheet pan size tomorrow for the patterned cake i'm gonna use as the outer bit#otherwise i'll have to make my own from parchment paper??? or tin foil??? man idk.....#i had to write out all of my instructions and ingredient lists so i don't have to go between 6 different websites tomorrow/sat#i had to do research on fucking. gelatine 😭because it's impossible to find gelatine sheets here and they're used in EVERY mousse recipe#and there's apparently a huge debate on what the ACTUAL conversion of sheet gelatine to powdered gelatine is for baking#I also had to type up like an exact order to make each component because most need a significant amount of cooling time#grayson im gonna try my hardest to make you this fancy ass lemon cake and i pray i succeed this time where i failed on my own birthday#2 yrs ago but also i think this will go better bc i'm not doing a jelly insert or a candied mirror glaze#I'm also making my own candied lemons and lemon curd even though i don't have to#mostly because i wanna try doing it and the sheer power of getting to say i made the whole thing from scratch *#minus the actual cake mix because i don't have a good from scratch cake track record and box mixes are so so reliable#and i have too many moving parts to worry about finding a new cake recipe#every fucking cake recipe now is a fucking genoise sponge for SOME REASON#which is NOTORIOUSLY DIFFICULT AND A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS BECAUSE IT USES NO RISING AGENTS#i want to throttle whoever it was that made online recipe people turn to only using variations of a genoise sponge for their cake recipes#honestly i need to maybe join the baking subreddit and ask for some good old baking/cookbooks with reliable baking recipes#ones that aren't crazy labor intensive for fucks sake i'm not a french patisserie#my stuff#it would be cool to one day have baked enough and have enough know how of how standard baking recipe components work#so i can just come up with my own recipes on my own#and just use whatever flavors i want#i feel like i would enjoy being a baker except if i had to make wedding cakes
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girlivealwaysbean · 2 months ago
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sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg
#i was justttttt thinking that aw it's so sad that navratri music is playling everywhere and i don't have friends to go with#like last year atleast i had tuition sorta friends but now ive isolated them too it sucks#but i was like well it's okay ill do it when i grow up celebrate every festival i didn't get to in my house because we just never do#and then she calls and she's like let's go this club jahan every year famous hota hai full celebration#and i was like ehh i don't want to i don't even know how to play and ill have to convince dad for raat can't we just#go to a cafe or something dopahar mein uske liye i don't even need permission#and she even agreed but she sounded sad and disappointed about it so i was like well fuck it you want to go club na#and she was like yeahhh so i was like aagh okay and i asked and we're going tomorrow!!!!!#and it's so ridiculous like i just say i don't want to go but it's actually so exciting to go someplace other than a cafe!!!!#and i was complaining to her ki okay ill go but i won't dress up and five mins later me and mumma are making full outfit with dupatta#style decided jewellery she has saved for years that are specifically navratri types and she's like we'll get my blouse altered it's fine#you know being sick has really given me perspective on my parents#im not going to hate my mom anymore i never used to growing up i always thought she was brave but helpless#but a stupid day in 12th i realised when we were talking that technically she COULF get divorced she just#doesn't want to because she'll be alone and she thinks we're growing up and leaving anyway so why should she let go of financial#stability for us. which is wild to me because girl you can't buy anything you want without his permission so i don't understand what's the#point if he's rich or poor but whatever whatever she's been raised this way etc etc#but anyway being sick really made me realise who the real monster is😭 all dad did was shout horribly at me all the time#and was like don't you dare take meds they're fake this is all just junk food stop eating it and you'll be fine. when i was literally#having 103 FEVER.#and mom was the one who was making me different drinks juices cutting up fruits staying with me as i get my blood drawn#checking my fever sote jaagte#like wow i literally wouldn't have gotten better if it wasn't for her and i couldn't believe how attentive and nice she was being#like yes i understand she just thinks this is her duty she's just playing her role a mother a housewife but still#idk i just realized that okay atleast she's good at being a mother dad isn't even that why am i feeling good about him when his love#not even love his politeness is so fucking conditional#and mom healed me even tho i told her about clubbing and drinking lots of alcohol she's kinda against it because she's seen#horrible things in life family yucky men but still she understands ans trusts my sister mostly and know we just do it for fun and she#wasn't even mad!!!!!!! like wow ooay#moms love is actually not conditional for the first time in my life i felt like if i fall maybe she could be there to catch me and dad wld
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suckishima · 1 year ago
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rrrrrrrrr im so frustrated with my writing. its just been weeks of struggle and whyyyy. idk i think i need to rework or rethink what im going for with this one or something, its like i can feel the threads of the themes i wanna do are sooo close to tying together but it just isnt quite reaching yet and so it reads like a stilted bland mess but the more i stare at it the further away it feels aaah
i know it can get there i kNOW it can, the ending and like aha moment is so cleaaaar that i think its almost too solid and thats why my beginning feels so fucked—like i just keep asking myself 'well if hes gonna get there in chapter 5, whats stopping him from getting there now in chapter 2??' i tHOUGHT i had reasons but now that im there i just keep instinctually writing him to have the connecting/realization moment anyway and like. if that's how it is then what even IS the story??? i need a break
#leaving for my parents for christmas tomorrow and while its always a little lowkey stressful there esp during holidays#itll be nice to at least have a different stress than this one for a few days lmao#mandatory writing break coming at a good time ig#anyway a lot of the real problem is that a big reason i wanted to write this fic is bc i wanted to explore tsukkis mental space during#the ball boy arc bc i feel like its an interesting transitional time for him in terms of like being after his big moment but then#he slightly regresses in that post match bathroom scene until yamaguchi sets him straight and like. i love just how furudate is showing#that growth isnt linear and so i wanna explore how tsukki would feel during the camp (which he didnt seem stoked to go to)#and in contrast with hinata who couldnt go but weasels in anyway and like how does tsukki deal with#that intensity of stupidity and passion in regards to how he feels about his own relationship to volleyball now#like i dont think its a straight line from blocking ushijima -> admitting yeah sometimes volleyball is fun#i think theres some wavering in there and oooo i wanna explore it but FUCK its hard??#why furudate why does tsukki deny extra practice the first night of rookie camp but accepts the second night??#i know why he accepts night 2 im excited abt that. i'm big time struggling with pinpointing why he says no night 1 in a way#that doesnt come off like 1 hes fully regressing 2 like im having him say no purely bc thats how it is in canon so magical ~plot reasons~#truthfully furudates reason is probably just 'was funny to have tsukki and kunimi say no in unison' and it isnt out of character for#tsukki to say no either but i also can feeeel it i can feeel the threads of a solid character developmental reason that will fit with#all the OTHER stuff im also trying to do lmao#i just need to piece it together in the right way in the right order and right emphasis#and its so cloooose rn but ugh it just feels wishwashy atm#and so. i struggle lmao#eesh anyway fun tag rant yay#heres to hoping not thinking about this for a week will help#x#....who wants to take bets on whether ill delete this later lol
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kuromi-hoemie · 1 year ago
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bleh i wish hearing was something u could turn off 100% at will (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠;⁠) how am i overstimulated at 12:15am
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phagodyke · 7 months ago
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ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee
#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me#write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw#i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it#and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!!#most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore-#that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can-#connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc#and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things-#in media and thats OKAY!!#literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it#i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt#but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen#and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it#but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow#like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me???#i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much#and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am#maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from-#my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts#and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i-#spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp#and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee#wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do..#well i wont get my hopes up yet#anyway........#another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚#.diaries#literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........#she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄
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queenpiranhadon · 3 months ago
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"The fuck are you doin' up so late, hah?"
"I could say the same to you, Ryo."
The pink haired man in your college dorm rolls his eyes. "I had football practice. You know that. What's your excuse?"
You shrug. "Homework."
He squints at you in annoyance, kicking off his shoes without much care as to where they went, much to your protest. "Didn't you take like a billion AP courses back in high school? Why're you so busy?"
You raise an eyebrow at him. "I still got exams to study for." you yawn, tiredly. "What time is it?"
Sukuna sighs. "12:36."
You blink, your sleep deprived mind trying to wrap itself around that information. "They kept you till midnight?!"
He sighs, discarding his jacket and throwing his sweaty shirt onto his desk chair, joining the accumulating pile of laundry you know you'll have to do later. "We're going against Tokyo tomorrow. Said we needed to work our asses off to beat Satoru Gojo."
You raise your eyebrow. You didn't know much about football, but Sukuna forced you to go to enough games that you had the general idea. "The quarterback? They do realize you're only second to him stats-wise, right? It's very possible you'll beat him. The strongest has a lot of weaknesses too."
Sukuna grins, kissing your head before slipping into the shower.
He's not sure when he fell in love with you. You two were on basically on opposite sides of the spectrum that was college social circles. And then one day he saw you in the library, barely sparing a glance at him and brushing past him to leave.
To be honest, he was kinda shocked. Most girls tended to get extremely flustered or excited when they saw him, and you...you basically didn't give a shit.
But Ryomen Sukuna never encountered rejection - even if indirectly.
He wasn't going to start with you.
Eventually, you started to warm up to him, and you saw a different side to the merciless and arrogant heartthrob that walked through the halls of campus with such confidence it was almost palpable.
The next semester, the two of you became roommates.
Now, where there was you, there was Sukuna. The definition of a power couple, you supplied the brains and he the brawn.
Sukuna never really thought he was one for love, but when he steps out of the shower, finding you slumped over your papers, asleep, he seems to fall in love with you all over again.
You were strong.
Maybe not physically, by the determination and fiery look in your eyes he saw everyday was something he always respected, and eventually, something he fell in love with.
Slipping on a shirt and sweats, he stacks your papers to the best of his ability, before carefully lifting your sleeping form gently. "Damn woman, you're gonna be the death of me...falling asleep on me like this..." he mutters, a soft look in his eyes.
He'd rather die than have anyone see him like this, but you? You were an exception.
And as the brings you close and feels the soft lull of sleep beckoning him closer, he realizes you always would be.
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A/N: This might be ooc shhhhhh this was just rlly cute I love him hehehe
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fingertipsmp3 · 1 year ago
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Girl help I don't have access to the recordings of the online class I'm in and also I don't think I'll be able to go to class tomorrow
#they're stopping class on wednesday evenings (we love to see it) BUT there are these one hour classes we have to go to instead#it's in the middle of the fucking day bro#which is already bad bc i know the vast majority of my classmates have jobs (that's why they signed up to an evening class)#i don't have a job because of 1) living in a remote tourist town that just shut down for the winter lol and 2) having a dodgy knee#and i don't want to be the one loser who is able to show up to every class because i have nothing better to do#well. i've been asked by one of my former coworkers if i'd like to go visit a different former coworker who's currently on sick leave#because she had an operation. and she wants to go tomorrow but i haven't managed to get a time out of her yet#(the person who asked is on maternity leave so her messages are kind of sporadic to say the least. i think she literally sends a message an#then immediately has to do something with the baby and then several hours go by. which i completely get)#but i was like 'y'know what yeah. i'd rather do that than go to class. count me in and i'll email absences'#only. only i don't know the email for absences. well.... in theory i know it but i don't know the exact syntax of it#well i know it has to be absence@[institution] or absences@[institution] but idk which it is#and i can't find it ANYWHERE. i know it must be in the recording of the intro class but i don't have access to the recordings hahahahaha#i signed up for moodle and slack and everything with my main email account which is not a gmail account. i do attend the google meet meetin#w/ my gmail BUT it just shows up with my full name. and all the recordings are on google drive... and i haven't been given access with my#gmail account. i sent a message saying 'hey this is fullname (main email) on another account please let me innnn' but i haven't heard#anything. should i just try to get into it on my main email address? it's what my youtube account is under so i can probably get into googl#stuff on there. right?#i just am sooo screwed if i can't get into this because not only will i not be able to email absences#but it doesn't even matter if i can email or not because i won't be able to catch up on the recordings. and if i can't watch the recording#of class then i won't be able to do whatever tasks are associated with it and then i might fail the course. haaaaaaa#i'll just try with my main email. and if it doesn't work. then we panic#personal
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a-b-riddle · 7 months ago
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Part 2
Can't stop thinking about reader finally cutting them loose.
For three days there was nothing but radio silence. In those three days you had told yourself that it was a grace period. Time for Simon to cool off and realize how much of a bastard he was for saying all those things he obviously didn't mean. Johnny coming back over with a bouquet of flowers and endless apologies and cuddles.
Simon didn't apologize for his harsh words.
Johnny didn't call you later, as promised.
For three days you jumped at every single notification, silently hoping it was one of them. Any of them.
But it wasn't.
And you, unfortunately, got the answer to the question you had been asking yourself for months.
Did they still want this?
The answer was clear.
You didn't let their unofficial dismissal get to you. You still had shit to do. A life to get on to. A book signing to go to.
Jesus.
A book signing. A book you wrote. A book that was being published and released the day of the expo. You weren't expecting a huge line because this was your debut novel, but with the help of some ARC readers who had took to social media, there had been a bit of a storm brewing.
You had listened to John when he had mentioned writing under an alias. Don't know how crazy people are out there. They'd do anything to get close to you, Dove. Just better to protect yourself where you can. You almost hated yourself for listening to him now. Now you would just have to keep writing under your pen name.
You were getting ready to close up shop early when your phone finally pinged.
Kyle.
Fuck.
Of course it was Kyle. The one who hadn't treated you like you were constantly bothering him. Not the one who made you feel guilty for agreeing to your arrangement. Nor was he the one who fucked you and left you. No. He was just the one who just wasn't there.
Maybe that was just as bad.
What are you up to today?
That was it. Almost two weeks of radio silence and that's all he had to say? It just added more evidence that you were making the right call in ending this now. It had already carried on for too long.
You had two things on your to-do list and you wouldn't let Kyle's sudden reappearance deter you.
E-mail the publisher back.
Change the locks.
You didn't have the strength to face them again. If they groveled, it would be too easy to take them back. One against four wasn't much of a fair fight. And if they didn't care to fight for you... you don't know if you could survive it. Coming face-to-face with the proof that it didn't bother them to give you up even though it was killing you.
No. Cutting it off completely was the best thing to do.
So you didn't respond.
You left Kyle's text unanswered as you e-mailed the publisher back that everything was set for your flight on tomorrow morning. You would spend Thursday adjusting to the time difference and Friday you would rest up before the expo this weekend. She assured you that you would need to rest up your writing hand. Whatever that means.
You left Kyle read as you closed up shop several hours earlier than usual. You needed to drop off the bank deposit before you started on task number two.
You didn't bothering responding to Johnny when he had texted you when you were leaving the hardware store, purchase in hand. Asking if you were free Friday. Promising dinner. 'In or out. Your choice.'
It was almost second nature when you got home to pull up your phone. Ready to text one of them to see which one of them could come over and help.
Fixing a leaky sink? Nothing Johnny hasn't seen before. Need help moving furniture? John won't mind when you change your several times on what should go where. Kyle would always come in with take out the moment you mentioned you were hungry and whenever you felt like going for a walk when it was a bit too late in the evening, Simon was the first to volunteer as your personal guard dog.
But asking them to come and change the very lock you planned on using to keep them out seemed... counter productive, if not downright petty.
You were almost done with the lock when your phone sounded off. Only this time it wasn't a text. Someone was calling you.
You almost faltered when John's name came on your screen.
Fuck.
That almost got you.
You almost answered it.
Almost.
You clicked on the 'Sorry, I can't talk right now. Options, before finishing up your work.
And just like that, you were done. No help needed. You had changed the lock. Even adding on a deadbolt. Replacing the flimsy chain Simon had taunted you about. If someone wanted to get in here, that wouldn't stop them.
Well, now you didn't need to hear it anymore.
Not that you would really hear it again...
Your flight was in twelve hours. Although that seemed an ample amount of time you hadn't even begun to pack. You had luckily narrowed your outfits down, but now was the task of folding it nicely into your suitcase rather than just stuffing it in there.
On my way. We need to talk.
It was too late for talking. Three days too late. Several months too late.
The last message sent was four weeks ago. A new Thai place had opened up close to your apartment that you were wanting to try. All of them had given you excuses.
Not my taste, Dove.
Cannae do it tonight. Next weekend? Next weekend didn't happen either.
I can do tomorrow. Kyle ended up bailing. You forget the excuse he used.
Simon hadn't even bothered to reply.
The final nail in the coffin of your relationship. Almost two years wasted with nothing, but a broken heart to show for it. And the worst part is, they had all chipped away at your heart, leaving you to deal with the final blow that would shatter it.
Im sorry. I can’t do this with you anymore. wish you all the best.
Your fingers made quick work in blocking their numbers. It was best. If they wanted to reach you, they couldn't. On the other side of the coin, if they didn't care to reply, you wouldn't spend countless hours crying over the fact that none of them had been affected the same way you had.
You would deal with getting them their belongings that they had left behind another time. You had big things, great things happening for you. You were cutting your loses. You were cutting them loose.
You just hoped you didn’t regret it.
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blkkizzat · 1 month ago
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🗂️—𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝟶𝟶𝟹........... THE CULT LEADER ......filed under the that's not my jjk man series
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visitor log: you shouldn't have even been watching the gate bunny, that's much too hard for you! so when you inevitably fuck up, your cult leader boyfriend—geto suguru—has the perfect punishment planned for you and your pretty pussy wait..in front of his entire congregation tho!? classifications: dumb bimbo!reader, canonverse of nerd!geto's bunny!reader, cult rhetoric, dark themes, sensory deprivation/amaurophilia, punishment, humiliation, shibari, edging, overstim, exhibitionism, toxic jealousy, possessiveness, yandere Suguru, drugged sex, cnc/free-use reader, mentions of orgies/group sex and a bit of forced breeding. incidents: 5.8k
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“Nuh-uh, nope you gotta be a fake!”
Suguru sighed, irritation brewing beneath his calm exterior. If he didn’t convince you he was the real deal soon, he’d be late to his weekly midnight mass—a gathering of his most devoted (and wealthiest) followers he couldn’t afford to miss.
Be that as it may, he still tries to be patient with you—his Bunny. 
Ever since the doppelgängers started appearing, you’ve been a bundle of nerves, and Suguru knows you’re spiraling right now—he’s had to talk you down more times than he can count over the past few weeks. You’ve been worrying nonstop about something happening to him, Mimiko, or Nanako, even though they all possess far more cursed energy than you.
If anything, it’s you who should be worried about yourself.
Holding the barrier around the entire compound is already draining your very limited cursed energy, and it’s taking a visible toll—your fatigue evident in your wavering stance as well as the sweat beading on your brow.
Suguru, noticing this, shows a bit more patience—especially since he returned a day earlier than expected and, most conveniently, no one else is around to witness him being made a fool. Something that would be more likely now that his following had grown significantly during this doppelgänger-induced quarantine, demanding more of his attention by the day. 
“Come now, Bunny, let’s rationali—”
“Nope! No way! you can’t trick me! Besides, if you were the real Suguru, you could just break the barrier by now! I’m not stupid like you, ya dumb doppel!”
Not stupid?
Suguru would hate to have to tell you the truth to your face and upset his pretty lil’ bunny but, you were in fact, pretty ditzy—his current predicament a testament to that. Pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers, Suguru is almost at his limit with you.
But he couldn’t just break the barrier himself. 
Of course, ability not being an issue—he could easily do it. The problem is at this hour, breaking the barrier would trigger alarms throughout the compound, both cursed and physical, throwing cursed users and followers alike into a frenzy. 
It simply wasn’t worth the trouble.
Shaking his head, Suguru tries a different tactic with you. 
“Bunny, please—just go fetch Nanako and Mimiko. Bring them here to sort this out, alright? Can you manage that for me?”
A contemplative expression appears on your face, as if you were seriously mulling over the ramifications of his very simple request—a reaction he knew didn’t bode well for him.
“Hmm… nah!”
Frustrated, the cracks in Suguru’s patience with you begin to show. 
“And just why the hell not, Bunny?”
Surguru’s grits his teeth, brow twitching, attempting to maintain his cool as you look at him like it was the most obvious answer in the world.
“They’re already in bed! They still have school tomorrow—even if it's virtual! I’m not waking them up just so they can see a doppel version of you! It might scare them.”
Rolling his eyes, Suguru blames himself really.
Since joining his cause you’ve spent more time bent over his desk, the plush round curves of your backside glistening with his cum that is painted liberally across your skin, than you’ve spent looking him in the face. 
But his weakness of being partial to the bounce back jiggle of your fat ass was now thoroughly biting him on his own—especially as you insist the problem is that his ear gauges are too big. Something Suguru couldn’t even be too upset about as after all, he had gone up a size recently, so you weren’t exactly wrong. 
Still, he hadn’t expected you of all people to be perceptive enough to notice, so he now regrettably never bothered mentioning it.
Suguru knew he’d have to come up with another way to convince you. At the same time, he vowed to kill whoever had been slacking on their job and put you at the gate. Tasks like these weren’t suited for you—though, to be fair, most tasks weren’t.
That’s why other than his personal fleshlight, when your sinful lil’ pussy wasn’t getting private spiritual guidance from his cock, you spent your time behind the front desk of reception. The perfect decorative bait for the followers flocking to his temple for refuge from the doppel crisis. Your beauty along with your bright cheery demeanor did just the trick to lure in those distraught and perverted monkeys into his cult, whose wallets he could exploit until they were no longer of use to him. 
Suguru takes out his phone, calling the twins himself but neither Nanako nor Mimiko answer. He considers calling someone else—literally anyone—but he knows they’re all gathered in the main hall by now, without their phones, as most electronics are strictly forbidden outside the dormitories.
As a last-ditch effort, Suguru scrolls through his texts to show you the lewd photo you sent him earlier that same day—the racy upskirt of you with 2 of your manicured fingers wedged into your tight sloppy cunt while stationed at the front desk accompanied by the ‘miss u daddy’ text.
“Oh woooow! Dopplegangers can clone iclouds too!? Y’all are really good!”
Oh for the love of… 
At his wits end, Suguru thinks he might actually have to whip his dick out in the middle of the courtyard—your slutty ass would surely recognize that if nothing else.
Yet saving him the indignity, suddenly, a bright camera flash materializes behind you catching both of your attention. 
“Nanako, this isn’t our room!”
Nanako and Mimiko?!
“Shhh—Shut it! Do you know how hard it was to get inside the barrier, at all?! Urgh I feel queasy now…Plus, I can’t concentrate because my feet hurt so bad from these heels. There was nowhere to sit in that club! Let’s just get back to our rooms before Geto-sama notices we—”
Yet realizing their predicament sooner, Mimiko’s eyes nearly pop out of her skull as she rapidly taps Nanako’s shoulder, who whirls around to see a now-visibly pissed off Suguru. 
“—Oh shii—Geto-sama…?”
Not only did he have to deal with his airheaded Bunny failing to recognize him, but also with two teenagers under his care sneaking out to god knows where, to do god knows what, with god knows whom.
All during a doppelgänger crisis.
Both were dressed in outfits far too revealing and mature for them, outfits Suguru figured they must have pilfered from your closet—since he would never have bought them anything like that in a million years, even if they were old enough to wear it. But Suguru would have to wait until tomorrow morning to have a good stern talk with them—right now he needs their help lest you leave him out here all night. 
“Girls, please. I am in need of your assistance. Don’t fret, neither of you are the one that’s in trouble right now.”
Suguru’s piercing glare startles you, his oppressing cursed energy sending familiar tingles down your spine and for the first time that night you begin to wonder if you had actually messed up. 
Oh yes, Bunny, you had fucked up—big time.
Failing to recognize him and letting the twins sneak out under your nose was a serious mistake and you need to be corrected.
Thankfully, Cult Leader Suguru knows exactly how to punish you and in a way that would further his own purposes too.
ᡣ𐭩ᡣ𐭩ᡣ𐭩
Lounging casually and only dressed in a thin white kosode, his priest robes discarded, Suguru gazes out at the sea of his gathered followers.
His irritation mounting as he awaits your arrival.
What could possibly be delaying you?
He had given strict orders for you to change and meet him in the main hall, where he intended to deliver your punishment.
Punishments from Suguru weren’t something you were unfamiliar with. He often finds himself frustrated with you and in need to relieve his tension, using your snug lil pussy as he sees fit. 
But the urges the bubbling anxiety he felt at the moment to lock you away, keeping you hidden where no one else could ever lay eyes on you, wasn’t about punishment.
No, the crux of it being, at his core, Suguru was a fiercely jealous man.
He wanted you all to himself, tucked in a delicate, untouchable box, far from the gaze of a world unworthy of what belongs to him.
But Suguru keeps that possessiveness well-hidden, just like all his other flaws.
Geto Suguru, the cult leader, always radiated an air of calm benevolence, a true messiah in their eyes. It earned him their unwavering devotion, even though they knew of his cruelty his followers justified it every time—convincing themselves that any punishment he inflicted was well deserved.
This rationalization, along with his suppression of personal desires, all stemmed from the unwavering commitment to his utilitarian views of the Jujutsu world.
Suguru knows he must set aside his own wants for the greater good of his cause. He had already made the ultimate sacrifices when he killed his parents and excommunicated himself from the rest—including the only other person to have ever known the true him—and he had no intention of stopping now.
That’s right, it was all for his cause and his cause is the sole reason a vehemently covetous man like Geto Suguru is about to fuck you in front of his entire congregation.
The heavy doors of the large meeting hall ceremoniously reopen and you are brought before him blindfolded and dressed in a similar matching kosode.
The wispy fabric only lightly touches your skin, offering little protection from the drafty air that seeps through as you are guided up the steps to the stage.
Yet little do you know the blindfold is completely unnecessary. 
No one else in the packed auditorium wears one, but Suguru self-indulges in this one thing with the reasoning that— ‘If you couldn’t trust your eyes to recognize him, then he will have to train your body to recognize his voice and touch alone.’ 
Once you’re placed in your designated position—on a smaller altar set upon the elevated stage—your retainers swiftly retreat, leaving you standing alone.
Facing Suguru, with your side turned toward the audience, you feel the weight of their lecherous stares even if you can’t see them. 
It was a peculiar yet thrilling feeling—losing your sight, yet knowing so many eyes were on you. 
Watching, waiting, and lusting over your body that only Suguru is permitted to touch. The notion alone is enough to make your body shiver harder than any chill would cause. 
Seeing you try to contain your nerves, Suguru regards you with interest as your small hands tug at the sides of your robe and you try your hardest to steady your breathing. At this point you were willing to do whatever it took to set right your earlier transgressions with Suguru.
You felt absolutely terrible for not recognizing him, on top of allowing Nanako and Mimiko to sneak out right under your nose! You were just thankful at the opportunity for forgiveness.
Although Suguru already knows you are too infatuated with him to deny him anything, especially when it comes to taking dick, anytime or any place he asked you to. Suguru, is throughly pleased with your obedience as he needed your cooperation for this licentious stunt.
Though Suguru finds the more debased aspects of cult culture crude, he knows they serve a vital purpose: ensuring total indoctrination.
With the rapid expansion of his following, fear-mongering and promises of salvation were no longer enough to maintain control.
Initially, the cult attracted outcasts and those on society's fringes. But as the poison of fear spread throughout Tokyo, married couples and families alike sought refuge from the new threat—doppelgängers visible even to those without cursed energy.
His inner circle of cursed users agreed—control was now more crucial than ever. Not just physical or emotional control, but dominance over every detail of his followers’ lives.
Suguru needed to dictate how they thought, what they ate, when they bathed, and how long they slept—every aspect of their pathetic existence. He intended to shape their perception of themselves in the new world he was building, so much so that they wouldn’t dare take a breath without first considering if it pleased ‘Geto-sama’ (it never would, though he tolerated it for the time being).
Now, the final step remains.
With the power he wielded as their omnipotent savior, Suguru couldn’t allow their vows to each other to interfere with their vows to serve him.
And what better way to weaken these bonds than through unadulterated hedonism?
Like the tenacity of Japanese knotweed, once the seeds of adultery were scattered, their venomous vines could not be contained. They would tear through the toughest stone as they would the supposed everlasting promise of martial vows and in turn shred them—making their relationships as fragile as wet paper.
And to do that, Suguru needed you—the object of lust for nearly every virile male monkey in his cult to spur them into a depravity.
Nevertheless, in this showcase of debauchery you would be the only one allowed to touch him—and regardless of any bullshit he feeds his followers, words dripping with a faux sugary coating of ‘sharing oneself wholly with your community’ to tempt his followers into the highest betrayal—he is the only one allowed to touch you.
Finally rising from his post Suguru approaches as you slowly begin to unravel, your senses fraying bit by bit as they are caught between both the fear and the eagerness of finally being touched by Suguru after he’d been gone three whole days.
However, despite your efforts to remain still you are nevertheless startle, not having sensed his presence behind you, when Suguru’s powerful hands rest on your shoulders, both reassuring you and securing you in place. 
Your breath quickens along with the dampening between your legs. Leaking, your arousal begins to secrete onto your thick inner thighs that are dutifully pressed together underneath your paper-thin garment.
One of his followers swiftly sets a cushion before your feet then disappears again as Suguru’s grip tightens and he lowers you, his precious little Bunny, onto your knees.
Anticipation surges through your veins and settles right into the fiery pit of need stirring in your core when you feel him kneel behind you. 
Even blindfolded, Suguru’s hulking presence has you feeling so small in front of him.  
“Let us begin.”
You feel yourself rattle from his voice booming over you while simultaneously Suguru’ swiftly pulls the ties on your robe loose with ease—snatching the garment away and exposing the sides of your naked body to his mass of followers.
Hushed whispers of the congregation immediately erupt, sending tingles racing across your flesh. You can’t help but moan untouched as an unfamiliar heat simmers in your bones. 
Sure, you were getting plenty turned on from being watched—not knowing how many of the familiar faces you greeted daily were now leering at you…but this felt like something…different. 
“Tsk.”
Suguru chides, surveying your body and noticing you as your chubby little clit, already swollen with need, eagerly peeking out from your folds to greet his congregation. 
With a slight smirk Suguru reaches from behind you to deliver a loud reprimanding smack to your pussy. Chastising your cunt’s lack of decorum in front of his followers, the slick moisture of your folds echoes throughout the silence.
Swallowing down your whimpers, you’re left panting, your tongue already out and your saliva falling upon the altar as you felt like you could have cum from just that single smack alone—something was definitely wrong.
If Suguru notices your sudden distress or hypersensitivity, he says nothing. 
Yet his hands never leave you as they begin to roam your body with more urgency, squeezing and kneading—breasts, hips, ass—the drag of his cool palms and blunt nails across your curves leaves scorching arousal sizzling in your very bones. The feelings only intensify tenfold when the sensations of silk begin to twist across your skin. 
Skillfully, Suguru weaves the braided ropes around your form leaving you dizzy, the pull and tightening against your flesh felt like the ropes themselves were alive.
Was this—shibari??
“Not to worry—” Suguru authoritatively pronounces when he hears rising murmurs of the masses, “—the restraints are only for the lovely maiden here, so the pleasure of being taken by a God doesn’t completely overwhelm and destroy her.”
Your brow furrows slightly, puzzled until you hear his husky voice coo heavy against your temple, finally cluing you in.
“Not that your slutty mouth isn’t loud enough already Bunny, but we have to make sure to really sell it. The tea’s effects shouldn’t last too long.”
Your breath hitches in a slight panic remembering the sickly-sweet tea one of the handlers told you to drink before entering the hall. Suguru attempts to console you as one of his hands finds its way to your neck constricting it with a gentle but firm pressure as he nibbles slowly up from your jawline.
“Be my brave lil’ Bun now, hm?”
You mewl softly, nodding as you feel completely overtaken by whatever drug he’d secretly given you. 
Ultimately though as long as it was Suguru, you’d never deny him anything.
Suguru presses a chaste kiss behind your ear as a reward for your compliance.
Continuing his shibari handiwork, Suguru’s low hums vibrate through you from your nape down as he continues to restrain you with the smooth ropes. 
"Bunny ears, bunny ears, playing by a tree. Criss-cross the tree, trying to catch me..." 
The dragonfly harness tie he’s putting you in requires bunny ear knots, the irony of your situation not lost on him and considering your nickname—Suguru changes the rest of the rhyme to tease you further as he coos:
“Bunny girl, bunny girl, fucked into my pole—leaking my cum from out the inside, beautiful and bold.”
Given the go ahead to be loud, you don’t restrain the sob rips from your throat this time as tears slip through your blindfold down your cheeks. You felt like you might die soon if he didn’t fuck you as the need racing through you taunted your every nerve.
But Suguru wouldn’t be rushed and takes his time finishing off your restraints with bight knots, the result Suguru deems is that you tie up beautifully in red shibari contrasting against the color of your skin. 
Although tempted, Suguru never used shibari on you before. Yet the way your soft skin bulged against the ropes digging into the flesh of your doughy body made his cock twitch violently—he’d be doing this again.
You whine when you feel Suguru rise up. You fear him leaving you bound and bare but his hand rests on the top of your head as if to silence your concerns, letting you know he was still near. 
Not that you thought he had gone far as you swear you can smell his very arousal filling the air. 
You weren’t wrong either.
Suguru had since moved to stand in front of you now and the evidence of his own heated erection becomes apparent when his milky beads slowly splat onto your face. Droplets rolling past the tip of your nose, your tongue eagerly darts out to savor his seed.
Moaning like a slut just from the taste of him, your visible hot breath openly salivating, your mouth so eager and ready to be used by him, makes Suguru throb harder. Your chest heaves, tilting forward for more as the restraints pinning your arms behind your back forces you into the most perfect little arch. 
Not being able to deny his lil Bunny her carrot any longer, Suguru taps the tip of his weepy length on your tongue. 
“Wider.”
And you comply.
The cavern of your mouth expanding to showcase ropy webs of spittle. Suguru’s meaty length breaks through them easily though as he slides over your quivering tongue hitting deep into the back of your throat. He’s thick, enormously so and tears sting your eyes under the blindfold as you passively let him use you.
That is, until you hear the command—
“Suck.”
Sighing with relief your mouth encloses the best it can, jaw relaxed yet strained to accommodate his size. You bob down further before rising up to suckle at his tip.
Humming with approval, Suguru is pleased that your restrained arms don’t stop you from being the cock-hungry slut he knows you to be.
True to form, although you cannot stroke him, you still lick him just as nasty—resting the shaft of his heavy cock on your chin while you tongue up the strong vein on the underside.
Completely, uncaring for the mess he leaks all over your face, you continue unhindered as your blindfold and cheeks are soiled in streaks of white. 
A ripple of hushed awe sweeps through the crowd, some who couldn’t resist stroking themselves as they watched with envy. Suguru casts an annoyed glance at them before returning his focus to you.
Filthy ingrates.
Grinding his teeth, Suguru has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at his congregation’s shameless lust over you. Even if you were a perfect slut, the human embodiment of a succubus, they still didn’t deserve to lay eyes on you—let alone stroke themselves filthy to you.
One day he would punish them all for it too. 
Rip out their eyes and summon the Rainbow Dragon curse to devour them all in one fell swoop—but unfortunately not today.
Suguru’s rising agitation makes his cock more impatient, the laps from your teasing whore tongue wasn’t enough. Hastily, Suguru grips the back of your neck, snapping his hips forward to thrust into your mouth fully without warning.
Your eyes shoot open, yet again are met with darkness—still blindfolded. Your breath constricts as he plunges himself into until he feels your nose press into the soft pubes at the base of his pubic bone. 
Allowing you to adjust momentarily, Suguru wipes away some of the tears and pre caking your cheekbones. His gentle caress travels down your face to wrap firmly around your throat that is bulging full of him.
“Good girl, Bunny, just relax.”
His whispered praises stir up the desperate ache in your pussy and you reflexively relax as Suguru weaves his hands around your hair. Fucking himself down your gullet, Suguru throws his head back.
Suguru’s cock had trained your throat well and like usual, it obediently opened for his use, your narrow tunnel of wet heat forming to the very shape of him.
But while your throat was subservient to him, your pussy was not. 
The effects of the tea in full force your cunt coveted the assault your mouth receives. The lust building in your core was maddening.
Fraught with need to relieve any of the tortuous thrum between your legs, cries vibrate through your windpipes restricting tighter around his engorged length causing Suguru to hiss, his own hips stuttering as he almost prematurely releases. 
Curious, Suguru’s eyes pry open to see your sloppy pussy soiling a large spot of moisture onto the cushion—somehow the pillow had shamelessly found its way between your plush thighs for you to hump down on. 
Pulling himself from your mouth with a pop, your voice croaks as you gasp for air but you’re immediately left pouting at the loss of him.
“Waste not the seed of God.”
Your throat is more than willing to have him back inside regardless of the wild fever fluttering in your pussy.
“Now, now—none of that, not when your greedy lil’ cunt can’t bare my cock to go in any other hole but her.” 
Harshly breathing out admonishments for your sluttiness against your neck, Suguru is behind you again, turning your body this time to face the crowd.
Shaking, small tremors of anticipation flowing through you but Suguru doesn’t make you wait long. 
His large hands take their fill of your curves as he snakes them across your body, one hand coming to rest over your womb while the other cupped your cunt. His dexterous middle finger rubbing slow agonizing circles on your puffy clit causing you to sob out.
The amount of slick pouring from you makes it easy for Suguru to manipulate his hand further into your folds, already drenched up to his forearm just from merely swiping his fingers through your sodden lips.
Suguru’s adam's apple bobs as he ruts his hard and weepy erection against the crack of your ass when your greedy walls unabashedly swallow up his long middle finger like it was his cock.
“Only one finger in this immodest lil’ hole and you are ready to cum for me?’ 
Another rapturous cry slips from you as Suguru digs another finger into your core, spreading your legs and granting him deeper access. Your squelching pussy getting finger popped is lewdly on display for the entire hall. 
Your other senses working overtime as Suguru cores out your insides, pushing into your g-spot and steady towards your release. The hand clutching onto your belly now fondles your spongy bud and you throw your head back against his shoulder. 
So close—So close…. Fuckk!
“Hold it.”
His authoritative words command your body to halt soon as you feel yourself about to tumble over your delicious peak. Suguru rips any relief from the insatiable burning in your guts away from you.
“MMMM-FUHHHH, No, no no! Pleasepleaseplease mmmm—Geto-sama! N-Need you!”
You know you should be silent. 
You know it’s almost certain he will punish you further.
But any punishment seems insignificant to the fact you feel you might actually die from need if you don’t get his fat cock inside of you soon, your heart feels like it might seize from distress.
Suguru goes still, his firm grip still on your body as his hands pull taunt on the shibari ropes draped across you, quieting your snivels.
Your fears are somewhat assuaged when you hear him chuckle huskily in amusement.
“Hmm—Shall I bless you?”
The question was spoken aloud, yet it is clearly rhetorical. 
Like you Suguru’s followers also knew to stay silent, yet cries of—“bless her!”, “bless her!”, “make her squirt!”, “stretch her out!”—ring from the congregation. Your cheeks burn with mortification as you had momentarily forgot just how many people are watching you get toyed with.
Yet you’d have Suguru broadcast this nationally if it meant you finally got to feel his cock inside you—anything to keep your insides from further liquifying, your pussy melting slowly in a puddle of its own desperation.
Suguru hums in approval.
Seeing you in this pathetic state for him overcomes any displeasure he feels from the hoard of monkeys chattering out of turn
As a result, Suguru shows you his mercy, waiting no time slotting his leaky cock between your cushy thighs. The bulb of his tip catches against your clitoral hood with every thrust of his girth parting your dewy folds. If it weren’t for his steady hold on the braided ties keeping you upright you surely would have collapsed forward from the toe-curling sensation.
The increased heat from the aphrodisiac drug had his length messing up your pretty pussy before it even got inside you. Your head luls back onto his shoulder as he continues fucking your thighs, unable to hold its weight up any longer.
Yet Suguru won’t allow you to tap out so early.
“No slacking, Bunny.”
Is the only warning you got before Suguru bullies the entire length himself into your tight lil cunt. Your pussy already so pliant from the light teasing and drugs gives him free access to reach your womb all in one go. 
The screech that strains from your abused vocals causes the tension in the room to awash with a heady lust as Suguru’s followers can no longer hold back from touching those around them.
Disgusting monkeys.
Surguru growls to himself but ultimately his plan is working maybe a little too well. He had ensured the tea was brewed for each in attendance as well, all had been delivered a cup before having left their rooms—yet still, the thought of them being so aroused over you sparks a deeper hatred for them in his soul. 
Fucking away what few remaining thoughts, if any, you have in your head, Suguru bucks into you with a faster force. It’s unfair of him, but he cannot control himself from taking out his anger on you. Recklessly Suguru’s hips slam into you in retaliation for being the seductive siren you are, enticing his congregation to disobey him—and most offensive, trapping someone as steadfast as him to covet someone as simple-minded as you. 
Sloshing claps echo from your bodies colliding to encompass the vast room almost as loudly as your moans squeak out, begging him to let you cum—to fill you. 
Your pussy is desperate for his absolution and it’s shown in the creamy rings of sap you drown his cock with.
You were his. 
Suguru would make sure no one here would be able to glance upon you again without remembering how well you slut out only for him.
Pulling the crimson ropes taunt enough to leave marks in your skin Suguru doesn’t realize for how long and just how much force his cock has been plowing into your messy pulsing cunt until he feels the tremors of your violent release rake through your body, snapping him out of his sadistic daydreams of murdering every monkey in the compound as your milky release streams down your soft legs to sully the floor beneath you. 
Sweat jewels across his own brow and Suguru knows he has to finish you for good soon, his concentration could only last so long before your soaked cunny would even prove to weaken even a God such as himself.
Suguru’s his hands crawl in serpentine trails across your middle edging lower until they are strumming impatiently over your clit once more, rubbing you near raw with pleasure.
Who knows how many times you’ve already cum around his cock? 
Truthfully, Suguru doesn’t think you actually stopped since the first time. 
However when he feels you start to limp, fading in his hold his heady voice is in your ear again, lightly nibbling your lobe as he encourages your consciousness to last just a bit longer.
“Show them how well you can take me, Bunny.”
“How you are the only one who won't break before me.” 
His firm grip clutching your jaw, Suguru pulls your face back to him.
“Remember, you are the only one suited to be their god’s obedient little plaything—my greedy lil’ cockwhore.”
Your voice barely above a whisper, you croak out to him urgently.
“S-Sugu…k-kissth me!”
Noting how your mouth is lax, drool glistening in its corners—Suguru doesn’t need to see your eyes to know how utterly fucked-out you are in this moment.
Completely lost in ecstasy, you easily forget yourself calling him by a nickname only you are privy to inside his bedroom. 
However, thankfully for your sake, no one else had heard it. The crowd of bodies too fervently occupied in their own debased copulation.
Yet still, your insolence of calling him anything other than ‘Geto-sama’ in public earns you a pinch so acute on your clit, that you see white even in the darkness of your blindfold.
Garbled cries spill forth as surges of rapturous electricity shock your every pore and in an instant Suguru’s fingers dive into your mouth. Not wanting you to injure yourself, Suguru permits you to bite down on them in lieu of own tongue as you convulse against his body.
The feral bite to his digits as if you’d rip the very flesh off him is only rivaled by your tight pretty pussy clam clamping down on Suguru’s cock enough to push him over the edge as well. Not even having the chance to pull out, your cunt bends Suguru to her will, forcing him to paint your walls white—your womb is a sponge that greedily absorbs his holy essence, squeezing him for every last drop.
The lock you have on him is so intense that Suguru feels his mask of calm begin to slip and he bites his inner cheek bloody lest a feeble moan slip out of him. Suguru always maintains a semblance of composure or he’d be no better than the orgy of primates beneath him. 
Releasing you, slowly you fall forward out of his grasp. Your face meets the cool floor but there's no pain from the impact, at least not enough to overpower the pleasurable spams still buzzing through your core or the dull aching of your neglected nipples now rubbing against the polished hardwood. 
The drug isn’t even close to being out of your system yet and you are wiggling your ass for more. Your delayed consciousness lags before whimper in the realization of your hollowed empty core.
“S-Su-Su—”
Your body is near destroyed but you were still horny as fuck. 
Suguru is quick to hush you, his hands running along the curves of your ass, massaging them. Gently plucking at your shibari knots, Suguru admires how they branded into your flesh. Continuing, his hands skate across your moist skin before pulling your cheeks apart to gaze at  his seed plugging your hole.
He hadn’t meant to cum inside you yet the way your cunt quivers, gaping open as it ejects loads of his cum to splatter onto the floor, he scolds himself for not doing so previously.
“Keep it in.”
Effectively corking your cunt closed, keen loudly as Suguru twists two fingers inside of you.
By now, his followers are fully in their own heat, a pile of withering bodies as pure hedonism had erupted in the auditorium.
No one notices as Suguru’s attendants bring out fresh robes as he hurriedly loosens your knots enough to carry you out, readying himself and you to make a hasty exit. Suguru would surely hurry if the stretch of the monkeys debauched copulation can reached his nostrils.
He'd rather continue your ‘punishment’ in private anyway. Fucking you in front of his congregation and showcasing you as his cocksleeve was not enough of a claim to calm his jealousy.
No, Suguru needed to have claim to you fully.
It’s in that moment Suguru mentally adds one final requirement to your penance—you’d bear him an heir.
A few in fact.
He’d have the perfect excuse to keep you hidden away too—for your protection of course.
You mewl as Suguru gathers up your limp half-conscious form and presses you to himself so possessively it hurts. Yet your mind is still gone, lost in lust as you’re still babbling nonsensical pleas for him to fuck you.
“Hush now, Bunny, my most devout follower, Geto-sama is here to take care of it all. I’ll bless you with my seed and keep you tied to the bed on your back until your belly swells full with my heirs.”
......RESULT: FAILED. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚐𝚗𝚒𝚣𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚋𝚘𝚢𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚘𝚗—𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚋𝚊𝚛𝚒 𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎.
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that's not my jjk man series (visit series page for full animation) a/n: this was way longer than i wanted it to be, was originally gonna cut it off before he actually fucked reader but decided to follow through since I owe y'all geto girlies some p in v djsdkjshk (nerd!geto p2 after kinktober i swear!)
comment and reblog! next up either Nanami or Choso—any preference? lmk! (both just need last bits of smut written/final review, they are actually 2 of my fav stories so excited to post them!)
©blkkizzat 2024. do not steal works or gfx, do not translate.
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screampied · 9 months ago
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‘ LOVE ME, LOVE ME [NOT] ! ’
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ᡴꪫ‎ synopsis. on your life, you swore you hated him. that stupid smirk that curled against his lips, you loathed toji fushiguro. but how does a single kiss change that? is this hatred you feel—or is it romantic denial?
wc. 8.4k
warnings. fem! reader, arranged marriage au, slow burn (?), sharing one bed, unrequited love, degradation, praise, edging, size difference, fingering, semi public, implied multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, cunnilingus, impact play.
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“ya just gonna stand there or,” toji raises a brow, and you gave him the biggest glare imaginable. it was late at night, about a quarter past eleven and you were exhausted.
you had a long day, and the last thing you’d wanna come back home to was a guy on your bed. toji was sprawled all out, stretched all over your side of the bed, and he gives you a teasing grin. “so y’er the brat i’m supposed to marry.”
“you’re not sleeping here.” you grouse, making an attempt to shove him but it gets literally nowhere. toji stays put, glancing up at you and his facial expression was purely amused.
he hums. “oh? says who?”
“says me. now move before i—,” you chastise, crawling into the bed to move him before with quick reflexes, he gets ahold of you — and stupidly, you fall right into his chest, a sudden oof sound departing from your lips before he snickers.
“now we’re both scared, princess,” toji rolls his eyes, and you’re all propped up against his chest. he was so warm, and oh how he smelled so good..
toji’s got the biggest smirk on his lips as you’re awkwardly laid on his lap. the both of you share an intense gaze that felt like forever - and once he finally breaks the silence, he mutters, “quite a brat but i gotta admit, y’er real pretty up close.”
you shift your eyes away, and you let off a soft gasp once a hand of his brushes against your waist. toji continued to speak, and his tone was a bit more pitchy and stern. “glare all ya want dollface, ‘m not moving.”
“fucking bastard..” you grumbled underneath your breath, crawling off from his lap before he pulled you back into him. 
“who’s gonna marry this bastard though,” and then he clicks his tongue, adding a snarky, “uh huh. exactly. but at least come up with better insults than that,” and it’s a long awkward pause. toji finally looks up at you again, his tantalizing grin fading before darkened irises of his lock onto yours.
it was intimate.
the eye contact was, strangely sensual… you wanted to know more about this man. 
you’ve heard countless stories, especially the ones where he was known for being notorious but you’ve always pondered. out of any random guy, you got paired up to be betrothed to the infamous toji fushiguro. 
he ends the silence with … a deep kiss. 
everything moved at such a speed, you didn’t even realize you were kissing him until you felt his tongue run down yours. he had such a flavor, your eyes briefly closed, returning the gesture and he cups yours face. a low grunt could be heard from him, and despite it being seconds…toji was definitely addicted to your sweetened taste. 
it took you a long moment before you pull away, strands of spit departing and you stutter out a timid, “w-what was that for?”
“why’d you kiss back?” he eyes you down, and he brings a thumb up to your lips, swiping against it and it was unintentionally sexy—toji stares down at your lips, as if he wanted to kiss you again, but his eyes then flicker back up towards you. “if we’re gonna be tied together, you should know how to kiss,” only to then he replies with a sassy, “…you could use some work though.”
“…shut up,” you groused, a cute pout forming on your lips as you scoot away to shove a pillow at him. “whatever. i’m going to bed. we have stupid rehearsal tomorrow.”
toji runs a hand through his hair as he snickers, watching your frustrated obvious embarrassed state. you reach to turn off the lamp, getting comfortable underneath the fat silk covers. 
“aren’t ya gonna ask for a goodnight kiss?”
“fuck you, toji.”
“heh. one day, girl.”
with furrowed eyebrows, you didn’t get what he meant, and once you did—you were glad it was pitch dark so he couldn’t see your visible abashed expression. 
momentarily, the two of you ended up sleeping. you’re all the way on the other side of the bed, yet due to toji being a rough sleeper apparently, he finds himself getting close to you.
regardless of being crazy in bed whilst in a deep slumber, he surprisingly didn’t snore. 
you found yourself tucked right in his strong arms. you felt safe—secure. leaning into his warmth, you suddenly feel a cold sweat wash over you. 
beat after beat, your heart raced and what your mind processed. it felt so surreal.
you felt a mixture of both, hot…cold…. a plethora of feelings. 
once your eyes shot open, your first reaction was to wake up toji. of course, you’d ignore your feelings and go back to sleep. but something deep inside you was telling you, you need him. 
“wha—” he grumbles, his tone was hoarse due to him waking up abruptly, it was around probably three thirty in the morning. he was about to reply with a usual teasing remark before he spots you, hovering over him with tears stinging in your eyes. “hey. hey…what’s the uh… matter?”
his tone suddenly went tender, you stare at toji, observing his face with blurred eyes from the tears. your eyes met towards his relaxed face, his perfectly structured chin, even his slanted scar that ran across a part of his lip. 
“i— it was…” you sniffle, but for some reason, the words got trapped into your throat. sealed, preventing you from muttering another word. 
“shh…it’s okay, it’s okay,” he repeats, bringing you close towards his chest. you tried to relax within his grip, he’s so gentle and drags a hand down your back soothingly. “easy, girl. i’m…here.”
judging from the continuous pauses in toji’s tone, you could tell he didn’t know what to say — what to do, but he knew he had to at least hold you.
you felt insanely vulnerable, all to a man you’ve only known for maybe what…a few hours. 
his voice, it was relaxing and soft, despite its roughness. the rhythm his hand had, stroking back and forth against your back, you let off a low sigh. his cologne wafts against your nose before you slowly look up at toji, and he’s already staring at you. 
“…you good?” he mutters, an eyebrow slightly raising. 
“y-yeah,” you mumble, a tiny pout glossing on your lips again. it was cute — he was about to comment on it, yet you watch him start to shift away. you wrap your arms around his waist, briefly doing a head shake. “stay still, toji.”
“ooh. first name basis now?” he hums, fully complying with your request. his thumb lightly grazes near your back before you feel his chest jerk a bit from a chortle. “but okay, we can stay like this princess.”
you felt your face get hot at the pet name, why—?
just him calling you ‘princess’ was enough to make you feel such intensity. he brushes a hand back and forth swiftly. it was tender, you let off a soft sigh, any signs of nervousness leaving you completely. 
“…don’t call me that.” you grumbled, your eyes shifted up at him and he rolls his eyes. 
“and yet y’er still talking,” he chastised, this time a pout forming on his lips, it was cute.
the way the scar that ran across the edge of his mouth tugged together solely from the movements of his facial expressions.
toji catches you staring at him before he breathes out, “i don’t even get a thank you,” he nudges you, an attempt to lighten the mood—to perhaps earn out a smile out of you, and that he did. “get some sleep though, brat. got me hugging you, tch.”
it was a drag. reality coming to you that not only had you have to marry this man, but you had to live with him also..
multiple days passed, the two of you practically pretended each other didn’t exist.
toji was almost always working . .
albeit, he’s never told you specifically what his occupation was.
you knew he was a feared man—for whatever strange reason, but you decided to not comment on it. perhaps that was a good thing. 
sooner rather than later, your wedding date was approaching. everything felt like it was going at a rapid speed.
toji was, well . . . a private man to say the least. you tried to get to know him, but he was like an empty canvas. there was something he didn’t want to tell you. 
ex-wife, ex-girlfriend..? 
you couldn’t help but ponder. sure, he was an attractive man. quite very much easy on the eyes. such striking features, heavily intimidating. if only he didn’t have such a huge ego. he was practically insufferable to live with. the two of you were total opposites in terms of personality. 
he’d often tease you every chance he got, poking fun at you for even the smallest things. 
“…wow,” toji muttered, leaning back against his chair. the moment you stepped into the room in nothing but a pretty silk dress, his eyes roamed and roamed. 
it was a pretty long a-line dress. it was perfectly sewn on, hugging your curves tightly, the sash that ran across your waist. toji for once was speechless, his eyes lingered towards your entire frame. your figure—it was forever gorgeous in his eyes. for a moment, you saw a sudden look in his irises, as if he’s been in this moment before. 
he has. judging from his past, but you didn’t know that. 
toji dismisses a sudden flashback before focusing his attention back towards you, standing up from his chair, uttering a, “c’mere. i wanna get a closer look.”
“was that a good wow or a bad wow?” you puff out, sliding your feet across the floor towards him. you swallow to yourself, can’t help but feel a certain butterfly stir up inside you.
toji’s eyes were on you the entire time. his eyes linger down your body and seeing how the way it fit perfectly before he mutters. 
“it’s whatever you want it to be, princess.”
“why can’t you just reply like a normal person?” you furrow your eyebrows—visibly trying to hide your embarrassment.
toji snickers. “you look gorgeous,” and he looks as if he wants to touch you, but he halts, tugging on his tie before trying to maintain a neutral gaze. “is this the one?”
“yeah,” you mutter, and that’s when for a brief moment. the two of you just stand there. toji’s hands were buried in his pockets, and he’s got that annoying simper resting on his face.
this man.
it was as if his irises were a mystery — pools of complete mystery. you could never read him. 
toji brings a hand towards your face, and he strokes your chin with the pad of his thumb. “you know,” he starts in a rough voice, feeling how claustrophobic it almost was . . the two of you cramped up in a dressing room like this, you tried to dismiss any dirty thoughts. “i keep noticing how bad you are at eye contact, princess. you have a habit of staring at my lips instead of my eyes. 
“…shut up.” you mumble, practically leaning into his touch despite your stubbornness. he smiles, derisively raising a brow. 
“if ya want another kiss from y’er husband, just say that.” toji murmurs, his strokes went towards your lips. he’s the one who looks at your lips this time, almost witnessing the whine that was about to leave your mouth. 
it suddenly felt hot . . . scorching. 
the gaze he had on you, such a meaningless yet seductive look. as if he was forevermore captivated by your beauty, and in this case he was.
“…toji,” was all you let out, a soft pout going against your glossed lips. he looked so handsome up close. darkened strands of hair that ran down his eyes briefly, it was ruffled. 
you loathed feeling like this, that stare he gave you. it started to make you feel a certain type of way, between your legs.
“yeahh?” he slyly remarks, leaning up close. just inches apart, he was so close to kissing you. you smelled mint with a slight tang of alcohol run on his breath, he knew what he was doing. “needy girl. look at that pout, so cute.”
“kiss me, toji.” you breathe, not even intending to sound so whiny.
it killed you, seeing how desperate you were for another one of his kisses. you craved it though. the way whenever his lips would hit against yours, it felt you were the only person in the world. he knew that’d be the only way to shut you up. 
“look at you using your words,” he hums, sliding his thumb against your bottom lip for a final time. toji then leans in, tilting your chin a bit and his lips gently press against yours.
your lashes fluttered, feeling a certain feeling stir up inside you. you couldn’t describe it . . . again, this man. 
you made it known to yourself that you wouldn’t get like this for anyone. feel this …. weak. yet with toji, he had you wrapped around his finger. 
it was that easy. 
just from a kiss. 
a stupid kiss. 
toji grips your chin, and you move back until you’re pinned against the wall. the pure feeling of the cold mirror frame skimming against your back. 
toji grunts in your mouth, his tongue colliding against yours throughout each second. his hands started to roam up your body, as if he was waiting to touch on you.
graze his fingers down every inch of your pretty physique. you moan, feeling a rough hand of his slowly lift your leg up. 
the soft fabric of your dress ruffles against his thigh, and your leg ends up wrapping around him.
he chuckles, deepening the kiss, you felt the very edge of his scar tickle against you. “fuck, y’er something else,” he says between kisses, and he feels you tugging on his tie. 
in the background played some catchy tune — a random popular song, you felt the warmth of toji’s body grind against you.
so incredibly good, the tips of your ears started to heat up. his hand trails lower and lower until your breath hitched, feeling the tips of his fingers dance against your skin.
“you do realize we’re in public, right sweetheart?” toji whispers, breaking his lips away to kiss near your neck. he smelled intoxicating, a perfect mixture of cologne—surprisingly not a cheap kind. it smelled worth a hefty value, and it made you gnaw on your lip. “are you-”
“you talk too much,” you chastise, grabbing onto his wrist. he snickers, watching you take a hold of his grip. you drag his hand between your legs, letting off a puff. “i just—i don’t care. i want you to touch me. you— you tease me all day, ‘n i- i just want—”
toji stares at you, you’re still making his hand go down until it’s right between your thighs. raising up your dress that wasn’t paid for, his fingers brush against your panties. “…oh,” he purrs, arched brows pressing together. “you’re kinky. but okay, if my pretty wife wants me to touch her, then i’ll touch her.”
“i’m…not your wife, idiot.” you pant. 
“don’t worry, girl. you will be,” he mumbles, bringing his lips towards the side of your neck.
he sinks his teeth gently, nipping at the sensitive skin to hear you moan.
you were so close to him��the way his touch sent you into a complete frenzy. toji slides your panties to the side, and you let off a whine, feeling him feel the slickness that stuck against your folds. “aw. were you wet this entire time we were out?”
you felt your face heat up. oh, you were extremely embarrassed. 
he had you like this, soaking wet. you couldn’t even explain why. this man had you like this… so feral. 
to think you were gonna walk down the aisle with him pretty soon. at this particular point, you didn’t care about feelings. by now, you weren’t even sure of what you felt towards toji. you just knew that you wanted him to touch you. 
“so impatient,” toji murmurs, making you lean back against the wall. he was such a tease, staring daggers, sexual daggers right at you.
toji stares as you tug on his pants, you don’t even know what came of you—it was as if your body craved him. “we just had one more store, princess. you couldn’t wait?”
“…toji,” you’d pout. pulling on the thin fabric of his tuxedo. he looked so handsome. you only started to imagine what he’d look like once the two of you officially got hitched. he raises his brows, leaning towards you before you gasp once he brushes a finger towards your exposed clit. “i- i can’t fucking wait anymore. please, just—”
“watch that mouth of yours,” toji sneers, and he cuts you off with a deep kiss. 
you moan, feeling entirely hot once he slowly inserts a finger inside. “nasty girl. walkin’ around this wet,” he’d grumble, your arms went over his neck as you bit your lip. “easy. relax, thereeee we go. good girl,” and his praises went straight towards your cunt.
he had such a way with words, his fingers had quite a length to it not to mention. all throughout, you felt him prod against your walls and you whined for more. “i knew we’d get along.”
“s-shut up.”
“s-shut uppp,” he mocks your tone, a raspy snicker following. he grins at the cute scowl that went on your lips before you mom again. he reached so deep, and then he added another finger inside. toji watched as you glossed lips parted, you were heavily panting. “such a mess down here. just filthy.”
he was so gentle with his strokes—a simple bowling ball grip that made your maw practically drop. it felt so good, gingerly caressing your clit. your chest heaved and heaved, and you started to whimper against his ear. 
he loved whenever you did that. the sweet pitches your voice would make, it was almost melodic.
“f-fuck,” you’d sigh, trying to focus on your breathing patterns. you had to remind yourself the two of you were in public.
in a secluded dressing room.
the circular motions he created made you practically squeeze your plushy thighs together. he was so good with his hands, it made your eyes start to roll back dramatically. “right there, t-toji.”
“squeeze around me so good—wonder how you’d be with me doin’ the real thing, princess.” and the way he’d do that thing, pitching his voice into a husky rasp. it made you feel a surge of tingles coarse all throughout your body. you were essentially hugging him, your unbought dress lazily pulled up. “tell me how’s it feel, talk to me.”
his words… it was so sensual, he goes right up against your ear as he spoke. licking against your earlobe before it turns into brief nibbling. he knew what he was doing, getting you all hot and bothered.  
you swallowed thickly, and he has a perfect tempo. not to fast, not too slow. by this point, both of his fingers that was shoved into your pussy was covered in your sweetened slick. 
“good, f-feels good,” you’d whine out, pant after pant. your breathing became erratic—mind swollen with nothing but filthy thoughts. just the sheer reality of being fingered like this, it made you a little wet. no, it made you incredibly wet. 
toji’s stimulating your clit, his formation was forever euphoric.
it was like a drug, the way you wanted his fingers slid in and out. he purposely grew quiet so you could hear the sloppy squelches your cunt made in retaliation. “listen how she just… talks back, no fuckin’ manners just like you.”
your bottom lip quivered, his dirty talk… 
each word going straight between your thighs. with your back arching, you felt yourself clamp around him, a big squeeze.
it was like with the tips of his fingers, he knew how to reach every crevice, everywhere inside your folds. “the way y’er voice always gets high once i get to this spot. such a sensitive baby.”
curling and curling, toji’s fingers was going in and out of you. by this point, you were completely drenched. he was using his entire wrist, you felt the cold hand of his watch skim against your skin in the process. “i-i’m getting close, toji fuckkk.”
“yeah. bet you are,” he nips at your neck, speeding up his fingers just a bit. you felt dizzy, forevermore trapped in your mind—chasing a powerful incoming orgasm. it was no denying, your legs were just trembling by this point. he knew the anatomy of your pussy perfectly, as if he was skilled in it professionally. “i want you to do somethin’ for me.”
“huh?” you whined, still propped up against the mirror. he’s still trapped with your arms wrapped around his neck, right between your legs just barely. 
toji sneaks a kiss near the inner part of your neck before mumbling, “i want you to make a mess on me. can ya do that?”
as your eyelids droop, becoming lower and lower, you pathetically nod, whimpering out a sweet shaky, “okay, okay.”  
toji felt the texture inside of you…easily stretching your walls a bit with just two slender fingers. his fingers was thick though, your mouth hung open with not even coherent words coming out. just cacophonies of, “toji,” and “f-fuckk,” with many others. 
he kept a gaze on you the entire time, he wasn’t sure by this particular point what he felt towards you. the noises that escaped from your lips, he wanted to hear more of it, maybe even drag out a sweet scream from you. 
“t-toji, ‘s gonna…” you slur out your words, sounding like you were running a marathon.
he maneuvers circles against your clit with two fingers, tickling against your opening and you let off a whimpering, “oh my god, oh my g-godddd.”
“…y’er so loud,” he rasps, leaning in to shut you up with a kiss. it was passionate—a tang of sloppiness to it. his tongue ran against yours, and you felt a coil within you abruptly snap. 
once you orgasm, it was far more than you expected. because you felt even more soaked. you shivered, a muffled orgasm pouring into his lips before toji slows his fingers down. 
pulling away, he’s watching with sly eyes of the stringy cobweb of saliva depart from both lips, he huffs. “girl, did you just squirt on me?”
your nerves, you whimpered once he slide a thumb against your pulsating nub, taking his fingers out to gawk at it. how you effortlessly coated his fingers with your slick. you didn’t reply, you’re in the midst of catching your breath before toji hums.
“yeah. you fuckin’ squirted on me,” he answers his own question, about to lean in for another kiss. yet that’s when the door knocks obnoxiously. 
it’s an older lady, and she’s got quite the vexed voice. “excuse me sir, the store’s closed. can you two please—”
“yeah, yeah we’re coming,” toji rolls his eyes, and you’ve never been more embarrassed.
he peppers a kiss against your forehead before glancing down at your dress with a smirk. “you’ll be a doll and pay for that, right? it’s a little damaged but i'm sure you’ve got that covered, baby.”
cheap bastard. 
it’d always be moments like this between you two. except, the both of you never went all the way. toji liked to take his time with you. he wanted to make you wait—it irked you. 
he was a professional at getting on your nerves, making your eyes roll to the very depths of your skull.
it was like the more time you spent with him, the more you started to feel this … feeling. 
you didn’t know what it was. you couldn’t describe it. all you knew was that it felt weird.
not so much in a weird way, more of a … natural way. you can’t remember the last time you’ve felt like this. 
perhaps calling it love was foolish, then again you hated not being able to describe this feeling. whatever it was. 
toji started to grow attached to you — whether he was too stubborn to realize it or not. 
it would be small things, calling you while he was at work just to tease you, help you get things from the top shelves… feeling him against you, just fantasizing about that made you start to throb. 
preparations for the wedding felt like it was taking centuries — everything had to be perfect.
eventually, you picked out a dress. it fit perfectly, and toji hasn’t seen it yet. 
sooner than you knew it, it was the day of the wedding.
the arranged marriage.
truth be told, you still barely knew the gist of everything. it’s probably been about a good half month before the day eventually comes. the two of you ended up going separately, not together. 
alas, you and toji end up running into each other near the entrance of the venue. 
“toji,” you’d mumble, words being caught way back in your throat.
he was suited up, so handsome. slicked down with a tuxedo. with hands buried in his pockets, his head was slightly tilted down as he gifted you with the same gaze. “we aren’t supposed—we aren’t supposed to see each other before the ceremony,” and your words trail the more he trods towards you. “it gives us bad luck.”
“hey girl,” he murmurs in that familiar rasp. his naturally ruffled hair was slightly slicked back, a few strands poking through. “you look like my wife already,”
and you felt your heart race, hearing him say that, ‘my wife.’ it made your eyebrows slightly curl in puzzlement before he strokes your cheek. “i’ve been meaning to see you anyway. this wedding is gonna last us all day.”
you stare up at him, a tiny glimmer in your eye before breathing. “…well yeah, the after party and everything. why do you-”
“the more i stare at your dress, the more i wanna tear it off,” he uttered, his voice pitches a deep low. he swipes his thumb directly next to your chin. leaning into his touch, you returned the same eye contact, and he sighs. “i don’t want any other eyes seeing this but me.”
“so take it off then,” you mutter, watching the scar slanted against toji’s lips curl into a playful grin. “it’s about time, toji.”
with an eye roll, he grabs your wrist lightly, pulling you into one of the fitting rooms of the venue.
scattered everywhere was a bunch of preparations for the wedding. multiple dresses, cakes, and even presents. yet, the two of you could care less about that. 
“we gotta work on that annoying ass attitude of yours,” he breathes, not wanting to waste a split second. toji lifts you up, moving you towards the table. you wrap your arms around him before gasping. 
“don’t ruin my dress, toji. ‘n ‘i’m not gonna pay for it again.” you say against his ear, hearing him smack his lips in reprisal. 
“yeah yeah. i won’t ruin it, baby,” he rolls his eyes, carefully reaching beneath your back.
he slowly unzips it, watching the fabric drag down your chest before you’re almost exposed. his eyes roamed, making you feel a sudden heat pulse between your legs. he had one of the most intimidating gazes ever known to man. 
once toji helps you fully get out of your dress.
his eyes avert towards between your thighs, squeezed tightly shut. “…girl,” he rasps, making your legs part briefly before flickering his eyes right back towards you. “were you really gonna walk down the aisle with no panties? 
“i— i forgot,” you huff out, running a few fingers through his hair. if you weren’t mistaken, you could hear a purr come from toji’s lips. the way you massaged his scalp with such ease, your touch was everlastingly gentle. “i was rushing earlier and-”
“nah, you didn’t forget. you did this for me, didn’t you princess?” he whispers, leaning in to plant a kiss near the inner part of your neck. 
his lips were so soft.
with a loud clank towards the wooden floor, your heels fell to the ground with an abrupt thud. toji was so touchy, his rough textured hands wandered all over your body. such shivers coming out of you. “y-yes,” you’d drag out, desperately longing for him to just be inside you already. 
you’ve fantasized about this particular moment in more ways than you could count…
likewise, you were far too embarrassed to flat out ask toji to please you.
except for the moment between the two of you at the mall, that was the closest you’ve ever gotten. as mentioned before, he liked making you wait. he figured the wedding day would be the best day to show you how to deal with a real husband. 
in more ways than one… but specifically - the bedroom.
he couldn’t keep his hands off you, it was impossible. you took the chance to gnaw on your lip, feeling him touch all over you. such rough hands, yet so tender. he starts off with kisses near your lips, chaste ones near the corner of your mouth, beneath your chin, your neck…
as he inched lower and lower, you intake a sharp breath, feeling a few strands of his hair tickle against your skin.
“pretty body all jus’ for me,” he’d murmur, an almost coo escaping from his lips. you’re propped up on the table before toji sprawls your legs apart. he leers at the way your legs, the fishnets that purely decorated it. 
with his teeth, he starts to tear them off before you whine. “toji— i have to keep these.”
“y’er dress is long, baby. no one’s gonna be looking at my girl under here,” he replies, such a deep tone hovering underneath his wordings by defeault. 
again, the way he addressed you as ‘his girl,’ it pathetically made you throb. a weird feeling throbbed inside of your heart ; the same feeling you always failed to describe. 
to think you weren’t so fond of this egotistical arrogant man, and now—you were happily drenched for him.
time felt like it went by so fast. those two months you’ve gotten to know this man felt like two seconds. mayhaps that unfamiliar that continued to reside in your chest was…love? 
just imagining that made you almost gag, but perhaps that was it.
could it be that you were falling for a guy you were arranged to spend the rest of your life with? you remember a conversation with toji, telling him that you had a bit of commitment issues. 
so did he. 
that caused the two of you to bond, and toji even opened up to you a bit. about his ex-wife.
he was really selective with his words, but whenever he spoke about her, his eyes always lit up.
toji knew what it was like to be in love already. you didn’t. 
“always trapped up in those pretty thoughts of yours, huh,” toji snaps you back to reality.
he’s made sure not to ruin your fishnets, swiftly peeling them down with his teeth before you don’t even realize he’s already got you more soaked than you were before.
your cunt drooled for him—aching for more of his touch. the second you felt his breath fan against your entrance, he’s toying with you by blowing against your pussy. 
you whined, starting to pant with your eyes flickering straight down towards him. “f-fuck. our marriage’s gonna get bad luck, toji.. wasn’t supposed to see me y-yet.”
“i’m gonna marry you tonight, princess,” he reassures you. and for a split second, he has this stare as if he’s entirely joking with you.
however, his tone always sounded deadly serious. 
that rasp to it made you squeeze your thighs shut together in desperation. “nothin’ is gonna happen. we won’t get bad luck.”
and you moaned, watching him smear a thumb down your swollen clit.
it’s pulsing, and he doesn’t wait to lick a long stripe against your folds. his tongue made you swallow, already your legs started to quaver. 
he lays the base of his tongue flat against your pussy, and you bite your lip, feeling the edge of his scar swipe by your entrance. 
you liked that, a lot. a bit more than you should because he notices. gathering a wad of spit before he spat on your glistening folds. “ooh. ya like feelin’ my scar like that, princess? how’s it feel when i rub against you like this?”
“good...goooood,” you whined, burying your fingers into his hair. dragging him all across your folds, he laps up your slick that started to run down his chin before you whimper. “your scar. it-tickles, toji.”
his lashes close for a brief moment, and you moan once he slides a finger inside, gingerly easing his way inside, feeling you squeeze around him. “aw,” 
he purrs lightly, pressing a teasing chaste kiss alongside your clit. lowering his tongue, he makes sure it’s going right underneath your sensitive nub. 
toji was precise - his tongue knew every direct spot to make you sob out his name.
you didn’t even bother being quiet this time—you whimpered and mewled until your pretty voice was strained. “keep lookin’ away ‘n i’ll stop givin’ this pussy attention.”
you’re panting, heaving and heaving as your eyes trail back down towards toji.
the tip of his nose prods up against your folds, the fact that he’s nose deep…not a care in the world. 
his tongue continues to loll out, lapping up every drop of your sweetened slick. it carelessly coated his mouth, the few specks of facial hair that was barely visible. it ran all over the under part of his chin. such a messy eater. but you and him both knew that. 
“eyes down here, yeahhh. that’s it,” he coos, applying extra amounts of pressure with his tongue. he lies it flat down, and he was so sloppy.
gathering up strings of his saliva, flickering his eyes back towards you to give you a cocky grin. “pull on my hair some more…fuck, jus’ like that. yank it.”
toji gets hard feeling you roughly grip onto his darkened black locks. it gets tangled within your fingers, and you start to briefly massage his scalp, earning a low groan from him. 
toji could eat you out for hours, without a single care in the world—just his tongue between your legs, eating you out like a starved man.
as his tongue moves upwards, you whimper out a “s-shit,” that echoes throughout the room. his thumb skims against your entrance before you feel his tongue slide its way upwards, backwards. an entire zigzag of letters. “oh my goddd, toji. ‘m gonna c-cum.” 
“such a nasty fiancé. was about to walk down the aisle with no panties. the fuckin’ nerve,” he grumbles. 
a pout curls against your lips once you feel his tongue slow down.
gradually, you start to move your hips by his face and he shoots you a glare that makes you pulse. toji breaks away, pressing kisses near your inner thighs now. he’s taking attention away from your clit, and you whimper. “awh. what’s with the pout? don’t like waiting huh?”
“t— toji…” you weren’t fond of being edged, of waiting. toji raises his brows, a thumb toying with your clit, stroking it before even giving it a sweet nibble. “p-please. don’t kiss my thighs, jus’ finish. wanna cum..”
“pretty please,” he corrects you, purposely slowing his pace down just to watch you squirm in such desire. your legs. “say it girl. speak to me in that pretty voice.” 
it shook, vigorously. 
all from the rapid strokes of his tongue. your breathing patterns became so irregular it had you gasping for hair.
the way he made sure to suck and lick over every spot. chills, shivers and a plethora of other feelings run down your body before you moan, feeling him lightly nibble against your slit.
with a shaky breath exiting your throat, you mewl out a whiney, “pretty please toji. pleasepleaseplease.” 
“good girl,” he says in a smooth tone, making you let off a moan solely from the way he spoke to you. 
toji lowered his words, pronouncing in such a silky way that it made you pulse. he takes a concise slurp near your g-spot before mimicking a technique with his fingers.
unhurriedly, he slides a finger into your slick entrance, still hovering his tongue all throughout your pussy before you’re just nearly about to break. 
with your maw dropped wide, you came with the most tumultuous orgasm imaginable. he brushes his tongue against your slit as you ride out your orgasm, body growing limp abruptly over the table before you whine once he gets up. 
“open that mouth,” he utters, getting right between your trembling legs. without even a split question, you part your lips - unaware of the kiss that he planted right on your mouth. 
toji picks you up, the pretty anklet you were just idly brushing down his back. he carries you towards the sofa, still tongue tied with you—you moan in his mouth, tasting the sweetened tang of alcohol on his tongue. 
“y’don't know how bad i need you,” he gruffs, breaking between kisses, strands of your own saliva departs, and the more he shoved his tongue down your throat, the more you tasted yourself. swiftly, you move your tongue beneath his bottom lip, tasting how sweet you were and it made you whine. 
toji’s words rang throughout your ears like church bells. he practically treated you like a rag doll. your dress was off—and you were all exposed with just a pretty bra. 
“tell me you want me,” he mouthed, getting directly between you. toji was between your legs, hovering over you with bulky arms just stretched near the sides of you. he leans in, cupping your chin, stroking your thumb. “tell me you want me, and i’ll give you all of me.”
“i— i want all of you, toji,” you pant, your eyes focusing directly on him and only him. toji was still in his tuxedo. he was so handsome, there was certainly no denying. with matching black slacks, he reached for his tie—giving it a firm pull before snickering at your answer. 
“good girl,” he praises you, and you’re so impatient. with a few shuffling you hear the commotion of him unbuckling his pants — he's intentionally going slow, dragging things out to see that sweet pout form across your lips again. “goin’ as fast as i can, sweetheart. don’t give me that look.”
he was always such a tease. you kissed your teeth in annoyance, averting your eyes towards the ceiling before he’s finally through. 
toji stares down, using his right hand to pry your legs open a bit. his left hand to give himself a few pumps. you glanced down, and nearly moaned at the sight of his length. he was so thick, veins ran all the way down and you were almost drooling. 
he grunts, spotting you gawking at him and it only gets him ten times harder. taking a deep inhale, you stare at his happy trail. speckles of black hair decorating near his abdomen. it was sexy, toji was a well trimmed man surprisingly. 
“f-fuck, look how hard you make me,” he huffs out, and that’s when he makes you turn over on your back. you were staggered a bit at the sudden change of position—yet before you could react, that’s when you felt the plump tip of his dick prod against your entrance. “damn. she’s all excited for me. fuck this wedding, i just want you princess.”
his words…there came that same feeling brewing up inside you. a soft whine escapes from your lips as you’re dumbly arched beside the sofa, sucking in a breath. he finishes gently aligning himself. 
once he starts to go in, you let off a, “f-fuckkk,” that reverberated across the entire fitting room. he was big. saying toji was big, an entire understatement.
his girth had you nearly choking on your own saliva. with a single hand, he grips onto your waist, watching you gradually swallow him. “toji, you’re so b-big. ‘s really big.”
“perfect size just for you, baby,” he sighs, already feeling droplets of sweat race down the sides of his forehead. 
toji’s heaving, he licks his lips at the sight of you arching for him. as each inch sinks in further and further—you could feel him stretch you out even better than his fingers ever could.
your pussy squelched, longing for him to keep going. start up a pace, do something.. 
“easy girl, easy,” he murmurs, just barely halfway in. you try to bear around him and he smiles, running a hand down your spine to make you whimper. “relax for me. that’s it. good fuckin’ good.”
“t-toji..” you’d moan. each set of praises he gave you made your head spin, your heart raced, thinking was so hard for you. especially with such a size as big as his. “oh my g-god, ‘m gonna cum.”
he clicks his tongue, almost in before caressing your ass. “no baby, y’er not gonna cum yet,” and then he titter’s underneath his breath. “cute little drama queen.”
he was right in some way—you weren’t gonna cum so soon, but it did feel like it.
your face lowers against the cushioned pillow, flat down and you hug against it. biting your lip, your eyes rolled into the very depths of your cranium once toji presents you with a single rough thrust. 
one thrust. 
one thrust was all it took to make you let off the most sweetest melodic whimper imaginable. toji wanted to hear it—again, and again, and again. if it was anything he knew, he was slowly becoming more and more addicted to his future wife’s voice. 
“i just want you to feel all of me,” he starts, speaking between thrusts. your lips, spit-glossed and quavering. you whimper out, feeling his body weight press against you. 
it was so provocative. so arousing, this particular position.
doggystyle but with more depth.
he’d be able to reach more in a deeper angle to where you’re barely able to formulate comprehensible sentences. “i wanna reach you in spots no one’s ever reached before, princess,” he continued, leaning right up close to you—you let off a whine, feeling his cock stretch you out with such simplicity. “will you let me do that?”
“yes, yes. please..” you immediately spat out, feeling yourself coat the lower part of his shaft with your slick. you were already drenched, so soaked from before. being propped up over the armrest of the sofa. it made you feel so lewd. 
your cunt gripped all against him, gummy walls tugging back and forth tightly that it makes you whimper out. “toji, i want you. i- i want you too.”
“yeah girl. i know you do.” he replies with sass, giving your ass a brief smack—only to quickly caress it shortly afterwards. the sting, you licked your lips before letting off a sweet whimper. just a simple action as that made you throb. 
toji was a big guy, once he started up a rhythmic pace, you immediately fell in love. not with him, with his strikes, his mean thwacking hits against your cunt. 
or was it …?
only time could tell. 
you were far too dumb to comprehend anything. all you could even fathom was how big he was. stretching your cunt out as if it was some sort of elastic band. 
toji’s cock reached every crevice, you felt his tip prod against spots you didn’t even know could be reached. 
“o-ohhh my fuckin’ god, fuckkk,” you’d gasp, feeling him lower his weight against you just a bit further. by this point, he was smacking his hips roughly against you.
it was hypnotizing. the way he rolled his hips at such a titillating speed, so deep. you were almost drooling—you wanted more, and more, and more. “right there, ‘s too good. fuck me right th—”
“don’t tell me how to fuck, princess.” he groans, making you lie back against the wooly arm of the sofa. his tone was so raspy and mean, you were aching each time he spoke to you. 
toji’s favorite part was seeing your ass go back against him, it made him kiss his teeth everytime. the recoil.
your ass had him locked hard. just jouncing back against him. he pivots his hips before you moan once he starts to shift a bit. 
“need to go deeper,” he groans, and you don’t know what he means before you feel him lean right up against you. you whimper, feeling the back of toji’s sock suddenly make contact with your neck. 
“deeper ‘n deeper,” he huffs out, and you moan at the soft fabric brushing near your skin. he was fucking you with a foot pressed lightly against your neck. this angle—it was filthy.
if you weren’t drooling, then you certainly were now. he groans, each time you clamp down against him it makes his jaw tighten. “waited so long jus’ to have ya underneath me like this, baby.”
the more toji spoke, the more you disassociated. his dick did wonders.
each stroke had you gasping for air. his hits against you, the way he had his foot right by your neck. pretty lashes of your continued to flicker and flutter whilst he was fucking you insanely stupid. 
“m-more, please. getting close, tojiiii.” and he finds it cute. the way you drag out your words in such a obscene way. he’s making jerk back and back against him—it elicits out the honeyed sounds from you. 
“fuck back against me ‘n i’ll think about it,” he puffs out. you whine pathetically, making a cute attempt to move back against him.
it was barely any movement due to toji’s foot pressed up against your neck but you tried. he cackles roughly, teasingly sliding fingers down your back before cooing. “a for effort, baby. i’ll take it from here, yeah?”
and he does, like the true gentleman he was. 
toji keeps you in that same position for a good thirty minutes until your legs were close to essentially giving out. 
you came a lot, repeatedly. constantly. 
over and over again until the word cum was forever the only existing word engraved into your dumb little brain. you were speechless, fundamentally losing track of your orgasms he gave you. you shuddered, each position making you covet for more. you didn’t want to stop. 
not now, not ever.
“fuckin’ look at her grip on me so sloppy like,” he nips at his tongue, currently having you laid on your side. he pistons his dick in and out of you at such a tempo…it was so amorous. 
he was referring to the way the strings of his and your own cum stringing together.
back and forth, so messy. he watched in awe, sliding his tongue amongst his lips before groaning. “can only imagine what our honeymoon would be like, sweetheart. i’d probably fuck around ‘n get you pregnant. maybe gift you with a kid or two.”
“t— toji,” you’d moan, and a rigid grip goes against your waist. whilst he was giving you vigorous shots from the side, you’re just hugging him tightly with your squelching walls.
the sounds your cunt made from its impact was so loud. it earned a hiss from him before he slowed his thrusts down. “do it.”
“silly girl,” he laments, a thumb stroking against the softness of your side. he was pumping you full of inches, you’re just taking it with your tongue lolled out—it felt so good.
each spot, he hit it deeply. the curve of toji’s dick, it had somewhat of an upward curve that made him reach a more thorough angle inside of you. “f-fuck, but ‘m gonna stuff you full again. ‘s that what you want? a plump pretty belly jus’ for me to see?”
you whimper, nodding your head ardently. 
“use those words.” he huffs out, deepening his strokes against you. while feeling your ass jumar and clamp back by him. your walls hugged him solidly like a vice. it’s got his head spinning in circles, on a constant loop. 
“give it to me t-toji, wan’ you to fill me up again,” you’d hiccup, and then he suddenly makes you lie down on your back. he gives you a smile, dark green irises staring right into you before he pulls out briefly—just before plugging himself back in. 
toji swallows thickly, his jaw clenching steadfastly once he ends up cumming again. he poured such thick ropes into you.
it was warm. the way it trickled into you, he makes you grow quiet so you can hear it. 
“…f-fuckin’ hell,” he husked, his head going back as he raises your leg up to give it a soft kiss. you milked him so good to where his voice started to become a bit more shaky. even a bit whiny.
toji stuttering was something new to you—and you’d be a liar if you said that didn’t turn you on. “take it all princess, saved all this jus’ for you….damn.”
he utters the last part underneath his breath, his abs flexing before he grabs ahold of his dick. it was swollen. throbbing from the stimulation before he pulled out again, this time smearing his cum all across your entrance. “always… always liked myself a messy girl.”
eventually, the two of you nearly ended up missing your own ceremony. dozens of guests came to show their support for the new soon-to-be wedded couple.
toji helped clean you up, as promised, not a damage was done to your costly dress. 
the venue couldn’t have been anymore perfect. the surprise was a bit ruined figuring the two of you had seen each other right before the official wedding. 
toji’s hair was a bit messed up. he runs his hands through it whilst the entire crow stands up once you start trodding your feet down the aisle. 
that generic traditional wedding piano tune plays, and you’re walking with your father, the train piece of your wedding dress flowing down throughout each step. 
toji has this gaze on you the entire time, hands buried in his pockets and his eyes linger. it made you nervous—something was telling you something, but you chose to ignore it. did you love him? or did you not? 
once you finally made it up near the stand with toji, he grabs your hands with the most sleaziest grin. he strokes against your hands as the priest started to recite the same broad speech, “dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the holy union of…”
as he spoke, the two of you kept eyes on each other the entire time. toji towered over you, and he genuinely looked in love. he had a softness to his face, yet a smug look that never went away. your gut was telling you something—yet you couldn’t figure out exactly what. 
the priest continued to speak before focusing his attention towards you. “do you take this man to be your husband, to live together, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health—forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?”
“i do.” you mutter without hesitation. 
the priest then turns towards toji before letting off a sigh, staring back into his book. “sir. do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health—forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?”
toji stares lovingly into your eyes, tilting his head before he leans up close to you—you’re caught by surprise once he kisses you early. it was a deep kiss, you kissed back, wrapping your arms around him before he pulls away.
yet before he can say, “i do,”
toji makes your heart come to a stop, murmuring out the fatal words against your lips, “sorry baby, i can’t.”
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inknopewetrust · 4 months ago
Text
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬
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Summary: In the volatile nature of tornado hunting, you crossed paths with Scott on more than one occasion–each time resulting in a piece of yourself being left behind with the man larger than the storms you chased. [Scott x Fem!Reader; Twisters] [wc: 15.7k]
Warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, pinv, oral (f receiving), angsty-romance, Scott is… a complicated asshole who reader can totally fix… right? Right!?
Quick Links: Masterlist
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You weren’t sure where it ended or began, but you could feel it coming in your bones. Not the whirring of a drone or the rumbles of thunder—the fast, blistering speed of tires rolling toward the funnel that made your heart beat twice as fast as it did before.
It was tornado season after all… it never surprised you.
The skies of Oklahoma rose into a gloomy beige on a Friday afternoon. Heat lingered in the air, heavy and unyielding. It was dense outside of the small gas station that sat alongside the fork in the road.
Everyone could smell it: the anticipation of a storm. They broke earlier every year and this season appeared to be no different at first glance. The radios were filled with the familiar constant chatter, the computer screens you shared with Dexter in the lot were running the same radar’s the morning predicted.
Not everyday was as exciting as the next, however.
“Shit,” Dexter mumbled, running a hand over his eyes in frustration as the storms weren’t breaking that evening. His glasses perched on his fingers before he brought his hand back down to his computer.
It was just rain. In an era of record tornados, tonight would be quiet sans the few sparks of lightning and the thunder that followed.
“Nothin’” he flicked the laptop screen closed before him, knocking you on the shoulder as your own screen took all your attention.
Your eyes were entranced by the Doppler's movements. The back and forth of the projections coming and going in shades of green and yellow but no red. No purples or the darkest blues to send the lot of you running toward danger.
Dexter bumped you again with a focused effort.
“What?” You mumbled, clicking the refresh button on the radar’s program. Nothing changed.
“I think we’re done for the day.”
“It’s like six-thirty, Dex” you shrugged, turning to face him with a squint as the half-set sun was in your line of vision. “Somethin’ might pop up.”
“Omega says not,” he put a finger on his closed computer. “It dissipates before it can get out of bed.”
“Yeah,” you sighed as he did before. “Shit.”
Breathing in deeply, you could still smell it. Those storms were on the horizon and just waiting for the perfect moment to grow but you all have waited around these parts of Oklahoma begging for something that was not going to appear a hundred times.
Today was just one of those days.
You shut your own computer with the thud. Rolling your shoulders, Dexter clapped a hand on your back and chuckled at the prospect of another day without a tornado.
“Tomorrow’s chances are just as good,” he reassured.
“I know,” you nodded. The buzzing of Lily’s drone overhead swished by slowly as it came to land.
“Why don’t you go tell ‘em and I’ll clean up before we move out, hm? Get dinner and relax.”
Dexter didn’t allow the chance for you to argue back and made for the computers immediately. You groaned, standing up from the milk crate Boone scoured from the side of the road for “portable seating.” They were a bitch to your back and after sitting and watching the screen for what felt like hours, your body was screaming for help.
You stretched your arms high above your shoulders to rest them interlocked on your head and closed your eyes.
Maybe it was a sign. No storms, good sleep, and a hot meal from a wayside diner in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere. It was comfort, it was home and it was a relief for an instant that the skies were tame. No one would die from nature tonight in the vicinity of your chasing—an adjustment from the last month.
So you envisioned in your closed eyes the peace the evening would bring. How the sheets of the motel’s bed would feel against your legs; the sound of air conditioning fanning and sending you into a deep slumber.
The imagination of an evening molded into scenes under your eyelids.
Like the thunder everyone wished to hear, you could practically feel the rumblings of his fingertips as you imagined them on your skin. A lingering hope of days gone by without seeing him and his team of assholes started to stir in your mind every time it had a second to not think of the weather.
You hated the way it made you feel.
Like a goddamn school girl who couldn’t control a crush but it was more than that. It wasn’t a fatal fantasy you’d imagined every time your paths crossed but one cemented in your memory to hold you off until the next time he caught you in the same place.
And you saw him in your idea of a decent night.
In the distance, Dani and Lily called your name from outside of the RV. You cracked an eye open to see the two of them waving, pointing toward the diner attached to the station.
Your arms fell, turning to Dexter who passed it off.
“Go,” he shook his head, “I’ll join you when I’m done.”
You’d be lying if the sound of food didn’t sound wonderful that very second. The day had been nothing but driving and sitting. Every bit of food was junk besides the apple Boone threw your way at noon. He had been the first one to run into the diner an hour before with Tyler hot on his tail.
They were gluttons for greasy homemade meals.
“Come on!” Dani yelled as she held open the door and you broke off from Dexter to join the two for dinner.
The diner was like any other hole in the wall establishment in middle America. Sparse hangings on the wall, chairs and booths made from cheap leather that had burns and slashes through them, and menus that haven’t been updated for twenty years.
They were the best places. They were what made the small towns in between the big ones staples. No one could pinpoint this town on a map but the second the tea is sipped and the spuds are downed, it’s something you couldn’t forget.
“We’re gonna shack up in Perry tonight,” Dani spoke with her mouth half full. “‘Bout a half hour from here.”
“Tyler alright with that?” Lily asked, glancing out the diner window. “I thought he wanted to stay ahead of them?”
Them.
You sipped on your iced tea casually.
“We will be heading in that direction anyway.”
“Ain’t there a lake down in Perry?” Lily inquired, racking her mind in hopes she could remember. Dani nodded and picked up her own glass.
“Mhm,” she hummed. “And I do plan on jumpin’ in it before we leave tomorrow.”
Lily smiled as she turned her attention to you. She wasn’t oblivious to your absence from the conversation. You were quiet and reserved. Maybe it was that time of the month or you had a bad day—but it was strange and she furrowed her brows, kicking at your foot with hers from under the table.
“Don’t got anything to say?” She asked, causing Dani to look over the glass at you.
“No,” you dismissed. “Just tired, that’s all.”
“I’ve got Advil if you need it,” Lily went to dig in her bag but you stopped her.
“No, no,” you shook your head. “Really. Just feels like a long day is all. Finding nothin' is frustrating and this heat..."
“I get you,” Dani scoffed and put her cup down. “This heat is awful. I think Boone’s music is starting to get to me.”
You laughed knowingly. “It’s better than listening to him scream into the camera for twenty minutes."
The two snickered at the thought. Anything was better than the sound of his screeching. You pushed around the remnants of your meal around your plate when the waitress came back to fill up the glasses, leaving the check. A chorus of 'thank you's' were followed by the bell ringing above the diner's rickety door.
"Oh Lord," Lily muttered and went back to looking out the window. She crossed her arms like a pouting child. Out the window, Boone was yelling inaudible jests at the white shirts making their way into the establishment.
"What?" You asked her, turning over in your seat to see the crew of Storm Par filing in one by one.
In their uniforms of slacks and white shirts, they gave their most polite smiles to the staff that ate out of the palms of their hands. Dani let out a groan of frustration. Rich men, educated men. Men.
"Just the fraternity, Doc," Dani replied as though your eyes couldn't see that. You shot her a judgmental scowl before glancing at the group again.
"I thought I told you not to call me that."
It was the PhD in physics that earned you the affectionate, but infuriating title.
"Eh," Dani popped a piece of ice between her teeth. "You ain't like them though. They're all assholes and you're only an asshole when we can't get the signal to work and you wanna watch Love Island."
You laughed, chucking your napkin across the table which she dodged gracefully.
"Don't act like you're not obsessed with it too," Dani narrowed her eyes in faux offense.
The check at the end of the table blew in the wind generated by a few of Storm Par's team walking past. None of them spared a glance in the direction of the three of you. Out of spite or hatred, you wouldn't know but it was always the same way with most of them. It wasn't unwarranted, however. Your squad from Arkansas were known to give them as much grief as they gave you all.
You reached out to slap the check back down on the table. A glance up toward the retreating Storm Par members told you that their leaders hadn't joined the bunch at the table. You hadn't seen him enter the diner when you looked before.
But you knew the second the bell rang above the door again that it was him and likely Javi beside him. You could feel it in the air just as you did the storms. Everything shifted. The pace of your heart, the rigidness of your back, and you had done all you could in your power to keep it as quiet as possible.
You painted yourself a fake in front of the friends you adored because of Scott. He didn't ask you to, yet there was nothing more solid than agreeing to never speak of what you'd do for a second alone with him.
And you weren't sure what they'd say if they knew you were sleeping with the enemy.
With the check in your hands, you grabbed your bag from the seat and dismissed Lily and Dani's movements to split the check.
"I've got this one," you assured them. "My treat."
Lily protested and continued to shuffle through her bag. "At least lemme get the tip. How much?" Her wallet was filled with receipts and loose change.
"No," you shook your head. "Go on to the truck and I'll pay and we can head out."
Dani crunched the ice loudly. "You sure?"
"Positive," you nodded, giving them both a smile that could have read tense. You didn't mean it to be but it did. "Go on," you tipped your head. “Dex didn’t eat so I’ll order and run out when it’s ready.”
Dani eyed you as Lily put away her wallet. "I don't want to leave you alone with them in here," she knocked her head in the direction of Scott and Javi who settled along the lunch counter beside the register.
Dani watched them carefully whenever it was only the three of you. She trusted the men on your team like brothers but the others, Storm Par or any of the other groups that followed in the same direction, she held at a distance. Not only had they been somewhat competitors in the field, they were jerks and Dani could not help but be repulsed by it.
Scott looked in the direction of the small booth you all sat in, making contact with Dani's harsh stare. His face was blank—as Dani had come to realize was its factory setting. He was stoic, a wooden board of a man who was a head taller than his companion even as they sat. Dani always thought he looked miserable.
In her eyes, he was generically handsome with dimples on the sides of his cheeks. She saw other storm chasers give him eyes but he never entertained it. He was boring, a dud.
Not one person could make that man crack a smile or have an ounce of joy weep from him—but she supposed it was perfect for the work they conducted.
"I can handle myself, Dani–besides, there are other people in here."
She shook her head, souring her face. "You know I don't like 'em."
"Neither do I," you laughed. Liar. "I got this. It’s okay."
Dani trusted your word and exited the diner with Lily while you made your way to the register.
Scott had taken his baseball cap off his head, sliding it into the back pocket of his pants and pushing his sunglasses into his hair. Javi made niceties with the same waitress that had assisted you upon your approach. You saddled up to lean on the counter in the empty space between Scott and the register that broke apart the counter from the other patrons. It wasn't crowded as a restaurant in the middle of a city would be. It was filed with locals that made it feel welcoming.
"I'll be with you in one second, ma'am," the woman who served, in a name-tag labeled 'Kathy', called over to you as she jotted down Javi's order.
You took the bag from your shoulder to place it on the counter in front of you. The base of it brushed Scott's shoulder, nudging him purposefully.
"Sorry," you said quietly as Javi finished up beside him. Scott looked over at you–his stormy blues baring into you and sending you into a spiral of blind faith.
“Not out wrangling tornados tonight?” He questioned in a condescending tone. His brow quirked in a challenge: play along. You could never be civil in public.
“Maybe if you were good at reading radar you’d know that already.”
He scoffed. “Wh—“
“And for you sir?” Kathy, the waitress, cut him off with a tap of her pen. Javi stifled a laugh as Scott faced her with a half-baked expression of annoyance. You turned to thumbing through your bag for your wallet.
“Ah,” Scott stuttered as he looked over the menu. “A coffee—“
“Cream or Sugar?” Kathy drawled. She must have been in her sixties but she was giving Scott the best impression of a flirt at the moment.
“Black, please.”
“Of course, honey.”
Javi turned his head away from Scott to chuckle like a little boy. You smiled to yourself as the contents of your bag were suddenly so very interesting.
“And a… turkey sandwich with fries.”
Kathy gave Scott a cheeky, wide smile with painted red lips. The thinning drugstore paint was wearing thin beyond the lining and her hay bale, yellow as corn hair was doing nothing for her.
“That’ll be right up for you boys, okay?” She gave them a wink and tore the order from her pad. “Don’t forget to order somethin’ sweet before you go—on the house.”
Kathy walked away with a sway of her hips which only worsened Javi’s laughter. The laughs spilled from his mouth without remorse as his friend tried to not turn an ugly shade of red.
“Holy,” Javi dragged out the syllables in exasperation. “You got yourself a cougar, Scott!”
You slipped your wallet to the side of your bag and looked upright waiting for her return.
“I didn’t know Mr. Storm Par had it in him,” you said, which drove Javi even deeper in laughter. Scott sighed heavily, shaking his head in disbelief. “She’ll give a napkin with a lipstick kiss… just watch.”
“Ooh man,” Javi crooned. “I ain’t missin’ that!” He got up from his stool.
“See you out there,” Javi said your name kindly—a rarity in these parts. He surely didn’t know about you and Scott but he treated you decently all the same.
He rushed off to the small hallway labeled ‘bathroom’. Small mercies for a second alone.
“Did you have to say that?” Scott commented the moment Javi was out of an earshot. He turned back to look at you so you turned to look at him with your hip digging into the counter. His legs spread wide as if to accommodate you.
“It was too good not to,” you admitted with a grin. “The old ladies love you.”
“Yeah,” he mumbled, gazing at your face as his eyes darted to take you in. They trailed from your eyes to lips to chin to chest to… everywhere.
“It’s been a minute.”
“Two weeks,” you agreed.
“You been counting?”
“No,” you said quickly. “I just—“
“I was joking,” he clarified with a sly, cunning smirk.
“Ha,” you panned. “You should think about going into another career after this. I hear they’re looking for comedians.”
“Maybe I will,” he suggested. “I can mention the skeleton that tried to get with me in a diner. Though,” he thought on it, “her lipstick might find me in nightmares so probably not.”
You laughed and he smiled—also a rarity in these parts.
“Where are you off to?” He asked.
“Perry for the night. Headin’ in that direction afterwards.”
Scott hummed, tapping one of his hands on the counter as the other rested on his knee. Your eyes moved down his body in the same way he did yours.
“You?” You asked him.
“I think we’ll be makin’ our way there too.”
“Hm,” you thrummed. Kathy caught your vision as she gathered Javi’s glass and Scott’s mug in her hands. “Then I should be expecting you?”
Scott nodded his head. “Motel?”
“Right off the highway. Easy on and off.”
Scott made a noise of agreement. Kathy placed their beverages in front of them with a sweet smile. Scott glanced at the mug but returned his attention to you which she frowned at—you found it amusing. There couldn’t have been many attractive men waltzing through the diner on a weekly basis. Scott was a treat.
“Anything I can get you, hun?”
Scott shook his head. Kathy held out her hand for you to hand over the check. She wasn’t as wordy with you.
You glanced over his shoulder to the table of his crew in the back who were minding their own business. Javi had to return and put the window, your team of misfits were packing up the vehicles.
You took a chance and lifted a hand to his shirt’s collar. Taking the fabric between your fingertips, you putzed as he looked at you with a gleam in his eyes that made your stomach do summersaults.
It’s the kind of look that made your heart sink when he was so rude on the road.
“Text me when you get there, okay?” You asked him. You adjusted his collar before dropping your hand at the sight of Javi leaving the restroom.
Scott caught your eyes change and turned back around in his seat.
Kathy laid the receipt for you to sign on the counter with a bang.
“Sign, please.”
You were quick to sign and exit the space before Javi could even sit down, forgetting Dexter's order. Kathy took the receipt and while stapling it to the order, she tipped her head in the direction of you.
“She’s pretty,” was all Kathy said and left as Javi returned.
“Did she give you her number?” Javi prompted Scott who passed a confused face to his friend.
“What?”
“The waitress,” Javi chuckled. “You get ‘er number or what?”
Scott closed his eyes and swallowed the nerves that built rapidly. He thought Javi was talking about you. He may have been an ace at MIT and a dependable guy on the battlefield, but Scott nearly jumped out of the diner at the thought of Javi or anyone else finding out about his escapades with you.
It was a good secret. A great one, if he let himself think about it too long. But he’d be damned to throw everything away for the sake of a lay in the middle of Oklahoma.
And if he told himself that enough, he’d fathomed he would start believing it.
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The motel was what you had dreamed about.
Soft sheets, working air conditioning, and a lovely continental breakfast in the mornings with boxes of cereal and packaged muffins. It wasn’t a five-star resort but they did the job. It was perfectly imperfect for what you were used to on the daily.
It was so much better than the floor of the RV and so unusual for the types of places Dani and Lily often chose.
When you arrived at the motel, Scott was receiving a napkin with a kiss and a number on it that went straight in the trash. Javi kept rolling with laughter and for the time being, it was something he would not live down.
But both of your minds were preoccupied with what would hold true as the sun finally set on that day.
Just like the storms, you weren’t sure where this ended or it began. You had established a routine without realizing it was happening and this game of chances was slowly evolving into a feeling difficult to hold on to.
Maybe it was everything in between the nights that made it more difficult than it needed to be.
You ached for them nonetheless.
The jolt of anticipation hit you about an hour after arriving. Showered and clean, you sat around while the news played lifelessly in the background waiting for your phone to ding but it never did. It sat there mocking you every minute that passed.
Seconds turned into minutes that turned into hours that turned into two.
You half thought about going to bed before a knock sounded at your door. Neglecting to view the visitor through the peephole, you were taken aback by the entrance.
Scott made quick work of pushing you backwards and shutting the door closed with a thud. A backpack landed in the space between the door and chair. His hands were on you immediately, immodestly cupping your face and the back of your head with a force as he kissed you—hard.
You wrapped your arms around his forearms in support of your uneasy feet. A thrill ran down your spine at the feel of his hands on you.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled between frantic kisses that took your breath away. “They,” kiss, “wouldn’t,” kiss, “stop fucking talking.”
You ran your hands down his forearms gently. “It’s okay,” you reassured him. Ignoring your doubts would manifest itself another day.
Scott nodded, his nose knocking yours before leaning back in and kissing you slowly. His mouth captured your lips softly, gently as if there was no worry of time at all. His hands trailed themselves along the sides of your neck, to your shoulders, letting yours fall from his arms in the process.
You tilted your head upwards at an angle to open up to him. His mouth moved unhurried as the sound of your heart rushed to your ears.
He broke the kiss at the feel of your hands inching toward the buckle of his jeans.
“Woah,” he chuckled lowly but didn’t pull away and didn’t tell you no. “I don’t think my old lady would appreciate you havin’ your hands all over me.”
He let you lift the tails of his dress shirt out of his pants. At a quick pace you undid the buttons.
“She was tellin’ me all about this great peach pie,” Scott kept on and on as he peppered kisses on your face. “And then,” he whispered and shrugged off his shirt. “Then she left me this nice farewell note with a kiss on it.”
Your hands stilled on his abdomen. Head pulling away rapidly with glittering amusement in your eyes, you scoffed.
“No shit… really?”
“Oh yes, really,” Scott confirmed. He stepped away from you and stripped himself of the undershirt he had on. He moved over to the bed to work on his shoes.
“Can’t go to that diner again I gather.”
Scott smiled which made his dimples stand out. He looked tired but present, and that was all you could ask for at that moment.
“Not unless I want to be scorned for never callin’ her back.”
“Eh,” you picked up the remote on the bedside table and turned up the sound. “Give it ten years.”
Scott looked over his shoulder at you as a boot dropped on the floor.
“That’s brutal.”
“Well,” you said, dropping onto the duvet. “What can I say?”
You crawled over to him and got on your knees behind him. Scott leaned his head backwards against your chest as you wrapped your arms around him. You could smell the earth in his hair. The darkness of it couldn’t shield the way a day's work remained.
Underneath your fingertips his shoulders eased up. He relaxed in your touch.
“I was counting,” you admitted. The days between.
“Yeah,” he breathed out. “Me too.”
You kept one hand wrapped around his shoulders but moved the other to turn his face to the side. You planted a light kiss on his cheek, resting your forehead on the spot after. You savored the small, delicate moments that were few and far on the road.
Scott patted your arm when the quiet became too much.
“Lay down,” he instructed.
You untangled yourself from him and fell backwards on the bed. Splayed on the mattress with your knees bent, he slipped his socks off and turned around with one leg perched on the bed and the other on the floor. Scott’s hand traced the lines on your bent knees formed by the lighting of the room. He watched you adjust your body for comfort in his observance.
He’d be a fool to say you weren’t igniting a fire in him.
There were nights where he’d find you angry at him, the fuck that followed heated and he’d mark you with bruising kisses to remind you of it. There were some hurried and frantic—usually following a close encounter by either of you but the ones where it was slow… they were rare.
And looked down at you with adoration he couldn’t express. His eyes were telling yet he never said words that reaffirmed he cared for you more than he looked forward to your next meeting or that he thought about you—in the shower or in passing, Scott never clarified.
Scott pushed open your legs to accommodate him. He took in the oversized tourist tee that helped cover the pair of sleep shorts of his next conquest. Without hesitation, he grabbed at the waistband of the shorts and pulled them down your legs quickly.
He ticked at you at the sight of you bare before him.
“Were you expecting someone?” He chastised jokingly. “That’s a little presumptuous.”
“Maybe,” you cooed. He grasped you by the back of your knees and pulled you down the bed before getting on his own.
“There’s always a some guy followin’ us around in these parts. Sometimes I’ll let him in.”
“Oh?” His breath was hot on your thigh. A kiss laid as he maneuvered himself to your center and you tossed your head back to stare at the ceiling.
“Mhm,” you hummed. You bit your lip to fight a smile when his familiar lips kissed at the crux of your leg and groin.
“Handsome with this cute smile no one ever sees.”
You felt your breath stagger as he moved to the most wanton part of you and licked a line through you. His eyes watched you intently; the slow rise and fall of your chest, the way your hands begged for something to grasp on. His nose bumped your clit as he got comfortable with a rhythm. Scott savored the way his tongue gathered your wetness, pushing against your plush walls.
You were trying so hard to be quiet. The walls of hotels were thin—you weren’t an idiot. It was a miracle that the man you fucked wasn’t a talker most of the time.
Scott’s tongue was warm against you. Lapping in a way that made you lose the breath inside. He was slow, soft in his movements that made you want to squirm.
You could feel your heart beating rapidly against your ribcage. Head pressing harshly against the comforter of the bed, your body hooked itself into an arch at his ministrations. A lewd, antagonizing sound of your pleasure being had by a man whose eyes bore deep into the way your body moved at his will sent you spinning.
Scott shifted himself on the bed. His feet propelled him upwards but he never let go, his hands nor mouth. He pushed you upwards on the bed and wrapped an arm around your leg to rest on your lower abdomen.
The change caught the words in your mouth.
Scott, occupied, still watched you unravel like putty. His eyes watched you focus on anything but his face and in an attempt to get your attention, his hand on your stomach moved to fiddle with your shirt that had not made it to the floor.
Your hand was quick to fold over his, squeezing tightly. His fingers flexed back.
“Oh,” you keened. In an effort to stay quiet, your other hands fingers pressed against your lips. The fire within you grew hotter.
Moving his hand from yours, he shifted to spread open your lips and gather the wetness on his tongue. Scott titled his head upwards and sucked on your clit that had you spinning. Your free hand went straight to his head and settled in his brown locks.
“F-fuck,” you stuttered as your toes curled and your hips rutted against his face unabashedly.
Scott’s other hand was long missing from your body as the one focused on you was hard at work with your satisfaction. He palmed at himself in his pants the best he could. The angle wasn’t working and soon, he’d need a reprieve.
The muscles in your body tensed. They began to shake not from a release, but an anticipation of one growing. The more you moved, the more Scott wanted to let go and slip inside of you.
He slowed his tongue to small, sensual flicks reminiscent of him bringing you back from a high you hadn’t yet reached. Pulling back on you, his lips caught with a trail of your slick and his spit. Scott ran his tongue over his lips—taking with him the taste of you.
“Move up,” he instructed, voice hoarse.
You sat up on your elbows and moved upwards on the bed as he stood up. He walked back to the chair beside the door where his belongings had ended up when he first burst through the door.
If you were attempting to be sly, your eyes navigated his body on display. Scott fully undid his belt and chucked his phone on the chair beside it. He shuffled out of his pants and briefs—pausing when the screen on his phone lit up with a text.
You couldn’t read it from the distance between you but he left it unread, turning back to you as your focus narrowed to his dick freely standing.
“My eyes are up here,” he rolled his eyes.
“I’m admiring,” you drawled. You ran a hand up your body and bent it behind your head on the pillows. “Can’t a girl admire? I mean…”
“She can,” he nodded in implying you can.
Scott took himself in his hands, pumping as he approached the bed again. He didn’t need to ask the ways in which to make both of you happy. He could read the room and the days and knew that what you both needed was something simple.
But sometimes, something simple was enough.
He joined you on the bed, tapping on your leg that blocked his goal.
“Come on,” his words were cut and dry and quiet.
You moved your leg back down as you sat up to meet him. Him, on his knees before you with his length in his hand and you, splayed before him wet and wanting. You reached to replace his hand with yours but he shook his head, knocking his chin at your shirt with a disapproving shake.
The worn Ole Miss letters standing stark amidst the nakedness of the room. Doc.
Huffing, you were quick to lose the shirt.
“Better?” You asked him. Reaching back toward to replace his hand, he removed his and let you take him.
“Perfect,” he groaned at the feel of your hand.
He was heavy and warm in your palm; watching with an intensity that only beckoned you to go further—sliding your hand along him delicately and squeezing just enough at the base for him to emit a grunt of satisfaction. Scott’s hands caressed the sides of your thighs as his mind went blank.
“Scott,” you purred. Sitting up on your knees and never letting him go. Your other hand wrapped around his shoulders as you pressed your chest against his. His hands were hot on your hips and ass.
You lazily drew your lips along his jaw to ear.
“I want you to fuck me,” you whispered. His heart was beating so fast. “I want you to fuck me into this mattress and make me think about it for days.”
Scott’s eyes were closed. His breathing unsteady and head pushing into yours. He gripped your body tightly.
“Baby—“ the pet name slipped out before he had a chance to take it back. Too personal? He wasn’t sure. But he couldn’t think straight. With your hand on his dick, all he could think about was how fast he could get inside of you.
“I thought we said—“
“We’ll be quiet,” you reassured him. “I didn’t say hard.”
Oh. You wanted to be fucked softly.
The kind of sex that left a heavy haze in the air. The one that drew everything out of a person and left it there, lingering, as if the pieces of them were nothing more than particles in space.
It was the sex you couldn’t turn back from.
You were too far gone.
You had been for quite some time yet never slipped up. You enjoyed what small, unreliable fling you had no matter how it grew inside of you. Scott wasn’t a man you’d dream about as a teen thinking of your future. He was a certified asshole with an ego as big as the fucking ocean but it slithered past defenses and ended up knocking at your gate.
But you loved the sinful way it made you feel.
“Do you wanna fuck me?” You cooed. You careened in his touch, pitching upwards as he cupped your ass roughly and relished the feel of your breasts on his chest. Everything about you was so soft.
“You know I do,” he panted. You stroked him still.
“Then what are you waiting for?”
You positioned your head in front of his, kissing him gently on the lips before lowering back down onto the bed with your knees parted. You let him go and his cock bobbed.
And he did as you asked.
When Scott fucked you, the heavens blushed from above. He took his dick in his hand again, positioning himself to be in front of your pussy that was still shining with the wetness he left. He rubbed his tip up and down, gathering the wetness he could. Each motion threatening to push him in faster than either of you wanted.
This could be hours or forever and you’d never want it to end.
He stopped at your entrance to look in your wanton eyes. They begged him, they wanted him without a word. He guided his cock into you slowly. Your cunt, warm and inviting, welcomed him smoothly. Pressing your head deep into the pillows, you let out weak gasps at his intrusion.
Your head was swirling. You were full of him.
Each touch and each thrust was sending you toward a tether that was breaking string by string.
Scott was calculated but not over aware. He listened to your calls—the shallow, meek whimpers at the virility of his drives. He let you get lost; finding the stars in your eyes as he peered down at you until it became too much and Scott needed to feel you again.
Scott leaned down, taking your neck in both of your hands and kissing you deeply. Your hands glued themselves to the sides of his torso. His lips were a pillow in hot breaths; tongue sloppy when his hips ground into you faster than before.
His cock was splitting you. Thrust after thrust he gained the momentum of chasing a high. He never let you go; holding onto you whether delicate on your neck or grasping at your body, Scott palmed as you grew in want.
“Come on, come on,” he gritted through his teeth as you clenched around him. You weren’t registering the sounds of the headboard hitting the wall behind you. It was only you, Scott, and the sounds of your pleasure.
He picked up the rapid movements as best he could. It was so easy to lose himself in you. He, the most rigid man in both word and action, came alive at the opportunity to simply let go. Those words were strange—to let go—but he had found it in your meetings.
Scott Miller was many things, yet fucking you unbeknownst to the world was his greatest secret in his cruelty.
He watched you wither or waver, hands shifting to hold his face close to yours. You kept muttering nonsensical deliverances at your hips jutting up to join his. It was growing fierce—your end. The orgasm eating away at your resolve. Scott’s eyes were battering down on your own, nodding his head with eager anticipation of the rush of your finish.
He nodded, chin bumping yours as your mouths declined to collide in a spectacle. Your breaths beat at the rapid nature of your heart; panting for respite in the low light of the hotel’s table lamp and glow of the television.
“That’s it,” Scott coaxed. His silence in the efforts of his body ceasing. “Come on.” His teeth bit at his words.
“F-fuck,” you stuttered out. The wave was approaching. It tingled in your toes and laid heavy in your core. “Shit,” you gasped quietly. “Oh!”
Your mouth fell open and he took the opportunity to kiss you, tugging on your bottom lip as he pulled away and the curl of your toes became too real. You kept squeezing him, emboldening him to come with you.
Scott felt your muscles contract before it was nothing but a shake of your legs. You arched your back into him, allowing him to draw you close as he pounded into your finish to race to his own.
There was nothing in your eyes except the stars you couldn’t see. It was fuzzy, exhilarating as the pulses rushed through you in a couple, disjointed and erratic bursts. You couldn’t help but shake; it was overstimulating as Scott continued to push against your walls.
You swallowed his grunts, clinging onto his shoulders and cupping his face as he drew his arms under your back and repositioned you. He was close, so close. The beads of sweat on his forehead called him to end—a sure sign of his stamina along the sheen that covered you.
His hips snapped in and out with a fury. The softness of his earlier actions were thrown out the window. He did as he believed, fucked you into a state where you’d remember it for days.
And then his tether broke too.
Scott held your hips against him tightly. He kissed your lips as he finished inside of you before deepening it.
Suddenly you weren’t going to remember the sex.
You were going to recall the way he kissed you after he made sure you both came. How he wouldn’t let you feel anything but his lips, his tongue, his teeth, until he was soft inside of you.
Scott left your lips with a faint, nearly absent smile.
“How’s that for remembering?”
He wasn’t one for validation. He didn’t seek your approval but it slipped out of him with the words he shouldn’t say.
You ran your tongue over your lips to wet them. “Mm,” you thought. “I might forget what it feels like to be kissed?”
Scott scoffed as you ran your fingers through his hair. He dipped his head again to kiss your shoulder, peppering kisses to your lips as he made a trail. He nuzzled his nose into the side of your face and could tell when your face broke out into a smile. Taking the chance, he tucked his forehead into the crux of your neck and shoulder. You squirmed with laughter but his hands held you steady.
“I’ll be heading to The City for a few days,” he grumbled into your neck. “We got a new truck.”
“The gang ain’t enough anymore? You’re gonna outnumber us.”
Scott shook his head and began to unravel. He lifted up from you, slipping out as the cold met wet in the air. You could not help but draw your brows together at the discomfort—Scott’s thumb rubbed soothing circles on your thigh.
He started off the bed and into the bathroom attached to help clean you up. Tossing your worn shirt back on the bed before shuffling into his briefs and pants again. You sat up in confusion.
“Aren’t you stayin’?” You asked. “I thought we’d have a few hours.”
Maybe it had been dangerous to voice hope.
To voice and acknowledge the misery of missing him when it hurt to do so.
He shook his head again and went to his phone. “I gotta get that truck before she flies in.”
She. “Who?” You questioned with concern. You weren’t exclusive, you weren’t supposed to be jealous.
“Some girl Javi invited out for a few days,” he dismissed. Scott’s eyes were glued to the phone in his hand. “She works for NWS.”
“To help you?”
“Why else?” He sounded disgruntled at the fact. But he ignored your tone too. “Said she was a friend from college.”
“What’s the NWS got to do with your work?”
“She’s just helpin’ us find the tornados, not anything else. We don’t need help in what we do.”
You weren’t oblivious to Storm Par—you’d be a fucking fool not to be. It was something you detested, despised, about him and if you thought about it too long, you felt even the slightest but guilty of letting your thoughts wander to him when you were set on doing good.
He took from people in pain for what? His own personal gain? The money he raked in on the side of allowing a maniac of a man to fund his projects?
You knew there was a piece of him that strung you along not for sex or the fondness of it, but out of necessity to follow.
His team of storm chasers wouldn’t have the opportunities if they didn’t follow Tyler and the crew.
You were just collateral for the course. A “get love quick scheme” in the center of a raging cyclone of fucked up felonies and a YouTube channel of misfits.
Scott let his fingers move briskly over the keyboard of his phone.
“When is she coming?” You feigned to ponder instead.
“Monday.”
“So that means you have to leave now?”
Oh Lord Almighty. You sounded pathetic. Knees pulled up to your chest, holding the pieces of you together as you became forgotten.
You may have done things that made your momma blush but you cowering under the idea that a man is gonna leave you cold after a good roll in the sheets would set her aflame.
“Have to,” he tossed his phone back on the chair and took a new shirt out from his backpack. “For business on Sunday with Riggs before we head out. We agreed to…” he went back to his phone to check the time. “A two o’clock departure time.”
It wasn’t even fucking twelve thirty but hey, he couldn’t be seen, right?
“Bullshit,” you let fall out.
“What?” Scott picked it up. His head snapped to you.
“I said it’s bullshit,” you said a bit louder for him to hear. “I don’t get it, I don’t.”
“What don’t you ‘get’?” He had a lacing of judgment in his voice. It could have been the MIT superiority in him that festered with the ever mounting praise of his colleagues.
“I just don’t know when it will be enough for all of you,” you scoffed. “You pour money down drains for machines and tech and then you stockpile tragedies we can’t even keep up with. And now you’ve got the NWS on your side? The ones who are supposed to care about keeping us safe?”
“It’s freelance,” he pointed out while tucking in his shirt. He did up the belt in a flash. “And these people don’t need what’s left for them after it’s all gone. You know how hard it is for them to rebuild.”
“But those are their homes, Scott. What if it was your home or my home or your parents?”
“I’d figure we’d all end up in different places anyway,” he tucked his phone in his back pocket.
You shook your head at him, looking away to focus on the TV. Muttering an “unbelievable” under your breath, you began to wonder the reasons why he even bothered to show up.
They drove an entire team to Perry to sleep in a run of the mill hotel or perhaps that was second to Scott getting his fill. He just needed one good fuck to send him off and running to his next paycheck.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Scott concluded dispassionately. That stone cold, humorless man replaced whoever burst through the door.
“We both have jobs to do. Just stay in your lane and I’ll be in mine.”
Oh Christ he made you fume.
“You can be a real jackass, you know that?” You narrowed your eyes at him.
“You aren’t tellin’ me anything I ain’t heard before, honey.”
“Oh fuck off!” You shouted a bit too loudly. He slung his cap back on his head. “You’re such a piece of shit.”
“Then why tell me you were gonna be here?” He hummed an ask, approaching the bed with intent. You looked up at him as he settled in the spot next to you with his feet on the floor and arm outstretched to hold onto the headboard.
“Why ask me to sleep with you or stay or kiss you or whatever else just to hate me after it’s all done?”
“I didn’t ask to hate you.”
“You don’t hate me,” he clarified. “You just hate the way you feel about me.”
“You’re selfish,” you settled on.
“You’re entitled,” Scott countered. The Ole Miss on your shirt burned.
“You don’t care about anyone except yourself.”
And that pained you.
“You care about everyone else far too much,” he pulled his head toward you. His eyes flicked between your lips and eyes and you wanted to punch him and kiss it away.
All you wanted was to have a good night. To be worshiped in a quiet space and he gave you that, even if brief.
“Sometimes I don’t know why we even try.”
He was taken aback by it. You both were two people on very different ends of a string that snapped you together. It wasn’t perfect but it worked for the most part.
“Then why do we?” He shouldn’t have said it yet he did.
“You can’t even bear to stay,” you whispered. For a second, you thought you saw clarity in those cloudy eyes. “You can’t even fucking hold me after what we did.”
“I have to leave. I can’t stay.”
“You don’t get it do you?”
Scott breathed in deeply, declining the sentiment with a toss of his head.
“I gotta go,” he said quietly instead. He took your chin in his hand, knocking it gently to the side.
“I don’t know how you do it,” was all you could muster.
And then he left without another word.
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In Boone’s mind, it did not matter if the sky was at its darkest, a joint never waited to be smoked when necessary.
He had woken about an hour before as Storm Par’s slamming of car doors rustled him from slumber. The RV wasn’t the most perfect place to reside while traversing wild weather but he loved it all the same. He rolled off the bunk without notice of Dexter who would have surely scolded him for partaking at such a late hour.
So, he snuck into the truck and lit up in the quiet solitude of night without interruption.
It wasn’t until an hour later when the drowsy feel of his tingles began to wear into sleep that he began to see things he’d question.
Boone rubbed the tired from his eyes the same time a door opened up to his right. He ducked into the front seat as though what he was doing was far from normal and spied the invasion of the public space.
Down to the right, Scott exited the room with a scowl on his face Boone could see in the dark. A backpack slung over his shoulder, he looked frustrated compared to the blasé he was used to. Scott walked past Boone without noticing and hopped into one of Storm Par’s trucks.
Boone remained ducked as he thought back to the room. Scott settled in the passenger seat before reclining it back to sleep. He disappeared from Boone’s view and the latter looked to the motel rooms again.
Even in his foggy memory, he recalled Lily sticking a crumpled piece of paper in the cup holder for Tyler to use. It had the address of the motel and the room numbers reserved. He scouted the cup holders until his fingers grasped the paper’s corner.
“34221 Sli-“ he rumbled off as he read the note. His eyes traveled down to the rooms.
Lily room nine.
Tyler room thirteen.
Dani room twenty-one.
And then his eyes widened in curiosity at your name finely written and a twenty-two carved next to it. Those same numbers were lightly illuminated by the light above the door.
“No shit,” Boone chuckled in disbelief.
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The next few days were nothing but a blur.
The sky was like that too. Cloudy and gray. It seemed to reflect whatever was left inside of you to stir and gather into something larger as your memories of Scott overplayed in your mind with poor restraint.
God, how you wished it would just rain and swallow you whole.
It was absurd—feigning such disappointment over a man who was not your significant other but did everything in solitude to appear that way. He loved on you and left you cold with nothing to warm the thoughts of what it would be like when you saw him again.
And when you did, it was disappointing.
The woman they had brought on to help was far too good to be mixed in with a crowd of degenerate Ivy pricks but she stayed with them longer than she should have. In their paths, it felt like they crossed yours even more than before.
You were struck trying to avoid Scott’s entire being when his truck passed or when they stopped at the same station or motel or place as you and yours.
It started to eat at you, the avoidance.
On an early Tuesday morning, you felt the winds begin to change again. Tyler blew a tire the night before and broke his jack trying to fix it. The lot of you ended up in the parking lot of a rundown gas station as the sun began to rise when the white trucks came barreling down the road and straight into the parking lot.
Dani booed them from the stairs of the RV.
“Can’t your just leave us the hell alone?” Lily complained. It had been four days straight of interactions with them and it had caused nothing but trouble. You tried your best to stay normal but Boone kept sitting by you as if he wanted to hold your hand.
It peeved you to think he knew something was wrong.
“They just love us too much,” Dani joked as she waved at the group exiting their trucks. Kate, their newest addition, smiled in the distance.
“Ain’t that the truth,” Boone acknowledged from beside you.
“Hey Storm Par!” Dani shouted. “Go find your own fucking tornados!”
Beside their trucks, Javi scoffed and shook his head.
“What?” Kate inquired, her eyes curious as they had been the last week. “They’re just jokin’ I’m sure.”
“Nah,” Javi replied. “They don’t like us the same as we don’t like them. I thought you’d pick up on that now.”
“Well sure,” Kate laughed at the ridiculousness of it. “But there’s more to this than that.”
There’s more to chasing than a fight.
“Yeah well, tell that to them.”
“They’re just shitheads,” Scott piped up on his approach. “Think they’re better than the rest of us because they’ve got a camera in their face.”
“They’ve been fine to me,” Kate defended. She watched as the so-called tornado wranglers bounced up from their seats and headed in her direction. The man with the bandana tried to coax you to join but you refused physically.
“It’s just all of you that rub them the wrong way.”
“Well it’s a two-way street.”
You go your way, and I’ll go mine.
Kate observed the carefree way in which everyone interacted with one another. The two other girls tugged on your arms to bring you to your feet against your will. She felt Scott shift on his feet beside her but didn’t dwell on it.
“They still got that reporter with ‘em,” she noted. “Must be an interesting bunch to write a story about.”
“When you put together people from seven different walks of life, you’re bound to get something good,” Javi agreed with her.
Scott shifted again and Kate looked up at him. He wore his sunglasses, therefore it was hard to see his eyes. But his face was set and jaw tight. His hands were dug into his pockets but the distaste rolled off of him in waves. She looked back into the direction of all of you.
Boone was running circles around the three girls as their arms were wrapped around each other. Friends. It reminded Kate too much of the ones she lost.
“Alright everyone,” Scott called out. “Five minutes and then we’re back on the road.”
The inside of the station was no different than any other. Five rows of food with a wall of freezers in the back, a broken counter with a tower of cigs and vapes waiting to be sold. Kate was reading the back of a SunChips bag when you all came in. The bell above the door sounding with a jingle, Dani and Lily’s laughter filled the space compared to the nonexistent chatter of Storm Par’s presence.
You held the door open for Tyler who gave a wink and a thanks that didn’t phase you as it would her. He was handsome, charming if a little obnoxious. He smiled at Kate and a part of her felt like running, the other falling.
You didn’t have the same spunk the others did. After they left your vicinity the smile on your face dropped and the shoulders were heavy. You passed Kate, giving her a small hello, before walking down the aisle. She peaked her head to the side of the stand.
“Find anything good?” Kate called out kindly. Her light Oklahoma twang cut through.
You glanced at her. “If you count fruit flavored Doritos good, then maybe we have different tastes.”
She chuckled and took it as a sign to approach.
You didn’t know much about Kate other than what Boone had dug up and what Scott had mentioned before she arrived. She was smart as a whip, a talented chaser, and one who made mistakes too.
“I don’t think those would be good in any situation.”
“We can agree there,” you mumbled. You picked up a small bag of Veggie Straws.
“So where are y’all chasing today?” Kate inquired.
“Why?” You countered. “So you can follow us around?”
“No,” she shook her head, feeling as though she offended you. “No… we can find our own. I was just wonderin’ if y’all wanted to go to this bar tonight.”
You furrowed your brows. Under the static lighting of the gas station mart, you were falling into confusion.
“Y’all as in… us?”
“Yeah,” she laughed. Kate was intrigued by what you did. The way you all risked so much for entertainment or maybe, for some of you, there was still an inch of science to be discovered.
The day after you all converged and she had a panic attack at the sight of the tornado, Kate spent the morning watching the videos posted from your channel. She was amazed by the thrill of what feelings Tyler and Boone could ooze out of the screen.
But she took a liking to the science you broke down for the average viewer. The way you taught amidst the chaos of wrangling tornadoes or shooting fireworks up the funnel.
“I thought we could all use a break,” she shrugged. “Javi and I have known each other for a long time and we used to stop there for line dancing on Thursdays.”
Well it just so happened to be a Thursday.
“And these fellas are more wound up than a goddamn toy,” she said under her breath. “I think a pitcher of beer and some good ol’ fashion Oklahoma hospitality would do us well.”
“Oh,” you replied softly. “Um, well… Ty makes a lot of those decisions so many you could ask him?”
Her eyes went bright. “Sure! I mean, I just thought I’d ask. They all talk about you so much… I think they’re all a little jealous.”
The thought of what Scott or any of the other Storm Par guys said about you and your friends bristled you. Scott’s face met you in dreams to remind you that he was never too far away and whatever strife you had with him and his work was always going to get in the way.
“Do they?” You commented. You could hear Javi in the aisle over talking to Scott about equipment.
“Mhm.”
“How charming,” you moved down the aisle to the other products but Kate didn’t follow. She looked in your direction but behind you.
Javi and Scott were at the end of the aisle beside you, the former shuffling behind you with a small ‘excuse me’ while the other stood there for a brief moment. You looked over your shoulder at him and his glasses were now gone, meeting your gaze for seconds too long.
“I was just inviting them to come with us,” Kate informed Javi who turned, eyeing you as your attention was distracted.
“Well I hope they can dance,” Javi .
Kate said your name which brought your attention back. You could feel Scott lingering, his stance imposing on your small aisle of snacks. You could always feel him around—a curse from caring about everyone too much. He wasn’t a small man or one who could hide in the shadows; he towered over the short shelves.
And that caught Tyler’s attention when the conversation became too loud to go unnoticed. He appeared out of thin air at the other end of the aisle by the door.
You wanted the bags of chips to swallow you whole. It was bad enough that you were stuck between the word you loved and the man who made it more complicated. It was bad enough that Tyler would certainly say yes to Kate’s proposal because he had been sneaking glances at her for a week.
He had shit-eating grin on his face as he walked closer to the group of you. His curious eyes monitoring the way Scott’s body was a little too close to yours.
A part of him believed they were cornering you for something. He wouldn’t put it past them for their sordid work in the hellish treatment of victims but hey, who was he to assume? You clutched the bag in your hands hard enough it could pop.
“We all good over here?” Tyler questioned Scott specifically. It was the only other guy he could size up to and play out a macho-man persona. “I don’t think I need to tell y’all that my team is my team, off limits to your work.”
Scott laughed, truly laughed at Tyler. Javi and Kate’s heads whipped around to Scott who rested an arm bent on the shelves beside him. Tyler focused on Scott in a labored calculation. He might have been the one they all liked the least.
“Did I say somethin’ funny?”
“Yeah,” Scott replied. His voice flat as always. “You did.”
Tyler looked around at Kate, Javi, and yourself who frowned.
“Care to explain what?”
Scott held back an amused smile as his eyes creased at the edges. You looked up at him with a warning. To your surprise, Scott looked back.
“No,” he responded curtly while looking at you. Off limits.
Kate sensed it. She did. There was something there—the air heavy like a storm.
“We’re gonna go to a dance bar in Enid tonight. I was just askin’ if all y’all would like to join us,” Kate pitched in to Tyler who slowly removed his gaze from Scott to her. His eyes let up softly.
“Dance bar? I don’t take any of these fellas for the dancing kind.”
“Don’t you know we’re all from here?” Javi asked him and he didn’t. You did but Tyler didn’t know much about any of them except their high degrees of achievement and late-stage superior fraternity behavior.
“So you’re tellin’ me that Mr. Stick-up-his-ass here can two step like it’s his birthday?”
“Oh you ain’t never see Scott dance,” Javi laughed loudly and gathered the rest of the wranglers to the aisle. “We can dance you into next week.”
“Alright,” Tyler nodded his head. One night wouldn’t hurt. “I’m good with it as long as it’s fine with Doc.”
Shit. They all gazed at you with bated breath. You could feel their beady eyes piercing; Scott's blistering eyes on the side of your head prompting you to try.
The last time you attempted to have a good evening it left you reeling. That was six days ago and you still replayed Scott’s words through your mind. Over and over and over and over again.
You’re entitled.
Stay in your lane.
You cared about everyone else too much.
Yet your lanes always converged. And you had the right to be entitled as the name suggested. Doc. You were overly qualified to be there and whatever flew your way, you deserved it.
And fuck, if you didn’t care about everyone else, you’d be a shell of a human. So hollow that your world would collapse.
By the laws of physics, you’d stay in motion. You’d keep going even if he pulled you backwards a million times.
You looked at Tyler, tossing your bag of chips in his direction.
“I’d love to go dancin’.”
Boone screeched a happy whistle and yelled to save him a dance. Scott seethed at those words as if he had a claim otherwise. It was an agreement to keep it quiet for the sake of your jobs, your sanity. But he was a covetous in his belongings and for whatever belief he had, you were his in all but name.
His actions made it difficult to fully manifest into reality. When you keep a locked door locked, you don’t deserve to enjoy it for free. It ate away at him differently than the anxiety of hurt ate at you.
He wanted to freely give himself to you–to be the man you'd see on dark nights in the solace of a bedroom or wherever you could find respite.
It was tough to be the person you thought you were.
It was much easier to be a coward.
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The dance bar was packed full of locals and tourists alike. You couldn’t place the pull Enid had on people who weren’t from there but it was alive the moment you walked through the door.
Boone whistled at the sight of everything.
“I gotta hand it to ‘em. They sure can pick a place.”
“Have you never been dancin’ before?” You questioned, linking your arm in the space offered by him. He gave a cheeky smile and tipped his cowboy hat with a free finger.
“Oh, don’t underestimate me, Doc. Just cause you ain’t seen these moves don’t mean I ain’t got them.”
“Maybe I’ve been blessed. If it’s the same way you hold a camera, I can’t imagine your feet.”
“Uh huh,” he egged you on. “Keep it comin’. I have a whole night to prove you wrong.”
You scrunched your nose at him. At the moment, a series of rapid clicks sounded behind you. You and Boone peaked behind you at Ben, the reporter, snapping a photo.
“Sorry,” he apologized bashfully. “I haven’t been able to capture much of you.” He spoke to you, not Boone. “I want to feature more than just the storms.”
“Well you’re gonna get a whole lot more than storms tonight, Ben!” Boone cheered as Dani joined him on his other side.
You got the sudden sense of deja vu to your college days. Those undergraduate nights where your friends would drag you to the bar and everything was far too loud and over exciting. It was beer and booze and feet that fumbled. There was nothing over exhilarating about going out on a weekday but now, past those prime days, you felt a simmer of that feeling come alive inside of you.
Against your better judgment, the idea that Scott and you were crossing paths in a public setting beyond your professions was exciting. It sent thrills down you when it shouldn’t.
He had done nothing to remedy what he said—nor you for that matter. You kept your distance by sitting in the truck while stopping or sleeping in the RV with Dexter and Boone instead of a motel. Every time in the last week that your lines had met, you kept them parallel.
Tonight would be the hardest to not intersect.
“Can I buy you all a round?” Ben offered kindly. His mannerisms were foreign in the West. “For an exciting week, I suppose.”
“Who are we to say no, Ben?” Tyler slung an arm around his shoulder. Dexter and Lily flanked him at his sides.
Your group settled at a table in the back of the bar by the darts and pool table. Dexter challenged Dani to a rematch of a game they had settled a couple of weeks ago, and the rest of you nursed or chugged the beer that Ben had bought. You were the former. Sticking your attention on the foam at the top as it slowly made its way down the glass to become nonexistent.
“So,” Boone cleared his throat beside you as Dani, Tyler, and Ben looked over the photos the journalist had taken thus far.
“Is there a reason your attitude has been shit lately?”
You peered into the glass. Fingers tapping the sides of it.
“I was editing the last video and if anyone wanted a tornado to actually kill them, viewers might be convinced it’d be you.”
“Oh come on,” you scoffed. “I am sure my bad day didn’t ruin the video.”
“I didn’t say ruin, only tainted it. But what’s goin’ on?” He pointed and probed at your temple invasively. “The wheels are turning. I can hear them.”
“It’s nothin’, Boone. Just… girl stuff.”
“My favorite!” He bellowed like a King. Dani transitioned from her conversation to yours.
“What’s your favorite?”
“Girl stuff,” he mimicked. “Just askin’ about little miss sad is all.”
Dani nodded, taking a sip of her beer.
“Is it about your tinder date?”
“My what?” You showed deep confusion. “What date?”
“Last week,” she said casually. “I could hear your headboard against my wall. Jesus,” Dani laughed. “I didn’t know you had it in you Doc.”
Ben and Tyler’s conversation ended and they eavesdropped from the end of the table. At the other end of the bar, Storm Par, in casual clothing, entered.
You blanched at her words. You didn’t even realize.
“Oh-ho!” She pounded a fist on the table. “It was a tinder guy! Ha!”
Boone went suspiciously quiet beside you as she kept on.
“I didn’t want to say anything then but it makes sense. You’ve been on edge ever since. Maybe you should call him—“
“No,” you shook your head at her. Your hands left the glass and settled in your lap.
“He wasn’t good? Oh—“
“No!” You defended too fast and awkwardly. Boone glanced at Tyler who became far too interested in his co-pilot’s silence.
Dani lowered her voice with concern. “Was it too, you know, rough? Did he hurt you?”
“Oh my God!” You exclaimed at the invasion of privacy. “Can you not?”
“Sorry!” She held up her hands. “I didn’t hear anything else if that’s what you’re worried about. I don’t want to know your kinks.”
“Oh fuck me,” you wailed. “Dani, can you please stop?”
“Ok, ok!” She backed off and sat in her seat. “I’m just trying to help!”
“I know,” you breathed in. Tyler took a large sip of his beer before putting it back on down the table.
“We know him?” He questioned, eying Boone move uncomfortably in his seat. You looked at him and gaped for a millisecond before shaking your head.
“No. No, I don’t think so.”
Boone glanced at Tyler again and he knew you lied. He didn’t think it was Boone—that would be a nonstarter because you weren’t his type. It wasn’t Dexter because he was married and Ben was not interested in women.
He knew you didn’t swing for Dani or Lily so it was someone else. Dani already deduced it was a man so any other woman was out of the question.
“Well maybe you just need to find someone else to take your mind off of it?” Dani suggested.
“Yeah. Maybe.” You bit at the inside of your cheek.
“A lot of fuss over a one night stand,” Tyler put an arm over the back on Ben’s seat. “Must’ve been somethin’ if you’re down and out about it.”
You downed the beer before you in a flash.
“Must’ve,” Dani agreed with a hum.
“Anyone want another?” You asked, shifting out of your seat. The heels of your boots clacked onto the floor with a bounce.
Everyone shook their heads no and let you leave the table.
The music was pumping through the speakers loudly and the bar was full. You spotted Kate with a couple of the Storm Par guys doing a shot—all of them looking like regular Joe’s in their tees and flannels. Not far from the edge of the bar Scott and Javi waited for pitchers to be filled.
It was rare you saw him out of his “uniform.” Clad in a dark blue tee and his own flannel, the only thing that separated him from the rest was the way he looked. When he tried, Scott was movie-star handsome. The kind of person that’d be having girls write their numbers on his hand at the end of the night.
His presence was unfair to the other men around—except for Tyler on the occasion. It was a shame he was an asshole.
Instead of going toward Scott and Javi as you might have a week ago, you took an empty spot beside Kate who cheerfully greeted you. She waved down the bartender, asking for another shot and to refill your glass.
Tyler watched you walk away. He couldn’t see the decision making in your eyes or hear the thoughts in your mind, yet he had his own to make assumptions.
“Boone,” he called to his friend who sat quietly. Tyler watched you stand next to Kate and Ben’s gaze followed.
“Yeah?”
“Why you bein’ so quiet?”
“I’m n-not,” he tripped over his words. “I’m not.”
“You sure we don’t know him?”
Tyler clocked each of the Storm Par men. None of them looked immediately taken by you standing there, itching to get their hands on you but then he let himself wander to the end of the bar.
And he locked in.
“I don’t know him,” Boone choked a laugh. “How would I know? She’d tell Dani before me.”
“I didn’t say she told you.”
“Well I’m just implying.”
Tyler turned to Ben who was trying to copy Tyler’s movements.
“Ben,” Tyler tipped his head toward you. “Tell me what you see.”
Ben cleared his throat like he was being interrogated. “Well they just got a second round of shots and the bartender said it’s on the house. She must recognize us.”
“Ok,” Tyler pointed. “And down there? What can we conclude, Mr. London.”
“Oh, well… it seems not everyone is out for a good time.” It was Scott’s frown that told him that.
“You sure?” Tyler watched as Dani blanked. Her eyes suddenly went wide and worrisome at the thought.
“No!” She objected. “No fucking way. Not on my watch, Tyler. Nope!”
“What?” Ben asked frantically. “What’s wrong?”
“Tyler thinks it’s one of them,” Dani pointed to Javi and Scott.
“It is one of them,” as though there were options. “It’s the fucking stick in the mud.”
Dani scowled and physically rejected the idea. Ben watched what Tyler did as Scott, the taller of the two men and the one facing your direction at the bar, couldn’t keep his eyes off you as you laughed at whatever Kate said.
You started to leave and he averted his gaze until your back was to him. You didn’t even look at him when you passed him and Javi.
“Shit,” Dani muttered as you got closer. Boone closed his eyes with a sigh before nodding at the rest of the table.
“It is him,” he admitted and Dani slapped a hand on her face. “I saw him.”
“You saw them?”
“No, him. Leaving her motel room last week.”
“Oh Lord,” Dani nearly wailed. “She’s been sad over him?”
“He is quite attractive,” Ben defended. Dani slapped his arm harshly.
“Dammit don’t say that!”
Tyler sat in contemplation. He had been your friend for years now and knew when things got rough, it could be difficult to overcome them. Everyone had gone through countless breakups and one night stands and situationships that didn’t work out and after a bit, you’d be ok.
Yet he knew it was different somehow.
Even though he despised Storm Par and had nothing but horrible interactions with Scott, there must have been something there for you to cling on to.
And anger had a distant cousin: jealousy.
When you came back to the table, everyone was quiet and observing.
“What?” You questioned each of them.
“Nothin’” Dani said quickly.
“Oh really?”
“Do you wanna dance?” Tyler asked you abruptly. You could see on his face that there was another thought lingering below the surface but didn’t prove.
“Right now?”
“Yeah,” he hopped off his stool and motioned toward the group of people dancing to the rhythms of the music. Most were couples, a few spattering of friend groups around.
Tyler held out his hand to you.
“Don’t tell me a PhD can’t dance, Doc.”
You rolled your eyes, taking his hand in yours. It wasn’t Scott’s, but it would do for now.
“Of course I can, hillbilly. I just do it a bit more sophisticated than you.”
Dani and Boone howled in laughter as you let Tyler take you to the dance floor, spinning you around twice before settling to the score. You danced sweetly with one another as the others looked on from their seats.
Tyler Owens always looked proud to be in the company of his friends. Each plucked from their own little obscure corner of the world: a YouTube daredevil, an amateur late-age scientist, an ex-pr firm reject, a tech fair winner, and you—the science bros internet girlfriend who was a professor of physics.
He adored each of you in a special way that made everyday worth living.
It hurt him that you couldn’t be honest about an action so natural. If Scott had been a one time thing or a many time thing, he would learn to accept it if it meant you would be happy.
He’d want the same in return should a situation arise.
“You know,” he cleared his throat as the song sped up in tempo but came back down. “We don’t really keep secrets from each other here.”
You sighed, looking away from Tyler. Everyone was at peace on the door before the real dancing began and you tried not to peak at the table as Storm Par settled at the table beside your friends.
“I’m not keeping secrets. I’m not revealing information.”
“Ah!” Tyler chuckled. “Ok, fine… but if I said that even if you didn’t tell us and kept whatever you have with whoever it is going, that we would all be ok with it, that wouldn’t matter?”
“It doesn’t matter,” you said frankly. “I think—“
“That he’s staring at us right now.”
Tyler met your eyes with purity. There was no cruelty or hatred in them for you to think he was being a jerk about it.
You opened your mouth to speak but he denied you the chance.
“There’s a lot of things I could say about it, Doc. A lot. You could’ve picked a nicer dude, not a leech to our operations, someone who cares about people…” he trailed off when he saw your demeanor fall far from his jokes.
“Boone saw him,” he clarified. “He put the pieces together but didn’t want to say anything. Not his place, I guess.”
“No,” you said in soft resignation.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“How long?”
“Not long after we met them,” you confessed. About a year ago. Tyler whistled, his hand inched a bit lower on your back but it was still respectful, you didn’t mind.
“And something he did, said, isn’t sitting right?”
“No.”
“Do you want my advice?”
You stayed silent as he continued on. He let the music play out as you swayed. Javi and Kate joined on the floor and their giggles were noticeable from the short distance between you.
“Guys like him… they’re complicated. And I get it if you don’t want to hear it but I’ve been around guys like him my whole life. They can be selfish and unnerving and stupid. It’s like they’re trying to prove to the world that they’re fit to be in it.”
You couldn’t disagree.
“When they find a place that accepts them, they’ll rise to the top of it and not know what it’s like to be at the bottom anymore. They forget about people like us.”
“I think I changed my mind—“ you started to pull away but he tugged you back.
“I’m not telling you to let him go. He just hasn’t been put in a place of uncertainty in a long, long time.”
“He said I was entitled.”
“He’s a prick and I will beat his ass if you want me to.”
You smiled. “No. It’s ok.”
“I will do it, don’t underestimate me,” he smirked. “And by the way he watches you, that uncertainty is you.”
“What do you mean by it?”
“I think you might scare him a little, Doc.”
You did.
Scott’s heart rate rose significantly from the time he entered the bar, saw you, and had to watch you dance with Tyler. Those same words that replayed in your mind the last week surfaced as soon as he sat in the truck and the door was shut.
He was an ass. It was a part of him that he couldn’t escape from no matter how he tried. His memories delicately held onto the hours you shared where he felt he could be someone else.
Tyler kept glancing in the direction in which Scott sat as though to rub salt in the wound.
“Can we try not to frown today?” Kate saddled up in the seat beside him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile.”
“Normal people don’t walk around grinning.”
“No,” she kicked her feet. “But they do allow themselves to have fun.”
“I am.”
She blew raspberries as Javi poured the beer into their glasses. “You are a tough nut.”
“Never not one,” Javi agreed. “Just loosen up, man. The world is bigger than what we do.”
Scott breathed in a frustrated sigh. “I’m fine,” he pressed.
“Not since I’ve met you,” Kate suggested. She looked out into the sea of people. “Maybe we can just all take it easy tonight. Drink some beer, dance, and then find you someone to take home.”
Scott’s voice was muffled by the beer he drank but he shook off her suggestion. He didn’t even really know this girl who appeared to be a phenom of weather patterns. All she had done this week was disrupt their workings and fall on his irritation scale.
“I like the sound of that!” Javi encouraged. “When’s the last time you been laid, huh? 2015?”
Scott didn’t entertain it. He looked out onto the dance floor and saw you swaying with Tyler—a mix of concern and thankfulness levied on your face.
“Ok, ok… blink once if before or twice if after,” Javi continued at Kate’s amusement. “I’m serious, man. We’re gonna hook you up, alright? Kate’s got a six sense for pickin’ the right ones.”
Javi took his turn but the song changed to a favorite of Kate’s and his eyes lit up at the same time hers did. Call it a sign from the heavens, but Scott had been saved from the humiliation of his friend.
Kate dragged Javi to the floor not far from you and Tyler and it gave him protection to keep looking.
Tyler spun you close to Javi and Kate.
“We all have to face our fears,” Tyler told you. “If we don’t, they’re gonna prevent us from what we need in our lives.”
“Did anyone ever tell you that a book deal might be in your future? Words of Wisdom by everyone’s favorite tornado wrangler.” You emphasized with the sparkle of your fingers.
“That ain’t a half bad idea.”
“I’m full of great ideas.”
“Then start thinkin’ of one to remedy this. I love ya, I do. But if you let his shell break you, it will be a hell of a lot harder to handle the road.”
“Thank you, Tyler,” you said earnestly. “I wasn’t sure what any of you would say about it.”
“Well,” he racked his brain for the thought. “You remember that girl Dani was seein’ from Kansas? She might not have been the most perfect but she was perfect for Dani when she needed her. And maybe that’s Scott for you.”
The sound ended abruptly and the speakers let out a deafening tone. A bartender came onto the surround sound to kick off the line dancing that only Tyler could hype up more. Kate and Javi found themselves beside you both and everyone that could fit on the wooden floor ascended.
Tyler clapped his hands together as he stationed himself near the first line. You weren’t too confident in yourself even if you had been doing this since you could walk, so you settled in the spot behind him. Kate was jovial to stand next to Tyler. Her eyes twinkled and you thought back on his words.
Perfect for what was needed.
“OoO, my man!” Javi clapped Scott’s back in surprise as he joined on the floor.
Dani, Boone, and Lily ran to stand next to you, so Javi and Scott took the positions behind you. Dexter cheered everyone on from the table with Ben. The latter took his camera out with his finger on the shutter.
“Don’t step on our shoes now, you hear me?” Lily screeched over her shoulder to Javi and Scott. Feeling emboldened by the two glasses of beer he downed in a record time, Scott ran a hand through his hair.
“Don’t worry about it!” He shouted back.
“Ok Mr. MIT, come to show us how it’s done!” Lily drawled. She tugged on your arm—having missed the conversation prior. Dani’s smile dropped off her face fast.
“I say we place a bet!” She yelled over the music that was getting so loud. Your ears rung as the lights began to spin in different colors. Javi heard the bet and drew closer to Lily.
She pulled your arm with her, sticking you beside Scott. He put his hands on his hips and his elbow knocked your other arm.
“Twenty that he’ll fall on his face,” she suggested.
Javi looked at Scott and contemplated the idea. Scott was distracted by you standing there. He just stared, like a fish out of water in a town not far from one he visited as a kid.
You made him feel like a fish out of water.
“Deal!” You heard Javi agree and before Lily could shake his hand in a deal, you piped up.
“I bet with Javi!” She peeped at you surprised. “Forty says he can!”
Scott never had someone put trust in him like that. It was a damn good thing his mother taught him more than just math and science.
“Ok!” She yelled back, shaking both Javi and your hand.
Before you turned to take your spot as the music started, you took Scott in.
“Don’t disappoint me!” You shouted.
After the last few days, he couldn’t will himself to.
He shook his head, letting a smile grow to his eyes. Dani had never seen it before.
“Wouldn’t dream of it, baby!”
And Scott danced his fucking ass off.
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You weren’t sure where it ended or began, but you could feel it coming in your bones.
Not the sounds of laughter in a confined space or the blaring of music—the rapid, unpredictable nature of dedication a person could not admit. It was a funnel cloud below the truck; a spiraling tire on the side of the road blasting its radius toward you.
The cool air at night hit your body like a bucket of water. The squealing of the door to the bar rattled at the force you used to push but it didn’t slam closed as you expected.
Two minutes ago, you were breathing heavily on the dance floor. The stomping rhythm of boots on wood turning your mind blank with every kick and turn. You had found the peace within the steps and let it drive you to a foundation.
Scott had gladly proved them all wrong—enjoying the surprised excitement that emitted from both his and your own team at the way he was able to, standing above six feet, move the way he did. He caught your smile more than once, a resurgence of hope filled him.
At the break of the song, you hung onto Lily’s arm, pointing to the door.
“I need some air,” you nearly heaved.
So you went for the door and he debated on whether to follow but in the business you took up, there was always the possibility of never having another moment.
And if he didn’t strike his fear now, he’d never do it.
“Hey,” he called out to you as the music started up again but you were too far gone. Already halfway to the door by the time he had made a decision. He tried calling out to you again, except his track was cut off by a sweaty Boone.
“Ex-“
“Don’t fucking hurt her,” Boone panted. His eyes pleaded for his friend, for you. “Don’t do it. Please.”
“I’m not—“
“You say you’re not but I’m sure you’ve said it before. But think about it, dude…” Boone got up in Scott’s personal space. “If a tornado hit this building right now and you were the only one left, would you be ok with how this ends?”
Scott saw the earnest plea in Boone’s call. He placed a hard, firm hand on Boone’s shoulder.
“I appreciate it, man.”
It was the first time Scott was decent to him.
Scott left him standing there near the entrance as he caught the door before it slammed closed. Outside, you stood in a cool down position in the orange-yellow glow of the parking lot.
His heart was beating out of his chest. It hadn’t felt that way in a week.
He wasn’t sure if you knew he had followed you. You didn’t turn around and didn’t acknowledge him as the silence overtook. Crickets strung their chords and cars whirled by on the road.
Scott leaned against the brick building under the neon lights with a knee bent.
“Do I scare you?”
You broke the silence after minutes had passed. You kept your back to him but he looked up, folding his arms across his broad chest.
If you turned around, you feared you wouldn’t be able to keep it together.
“Don’t lie to me,” you tried not to sound like a beggar. “Do I scare you?”
“Yeah,” he stated frankly. “Yeah you do.”
“Why?”
You could hear him breathe out. You imagined him looking around for an answer.
“There’s a million reasons why.”
“You can’t name one?” You took the chance to glance at him. His face was half illuminated by a moody blue glow of the neon sign.
“I can name plenty,” he reassured. “I just don’t know what’s too personal to say.”
“There’s no such thing.”
“Fine,” his fingers tapped on his bicep. “You scare me because this game we play doesn’t always feel like a game to me.”
The sex. The getting together in the middle of the night to whisper sweet nothings and cherish a deep connection to feel like it’s nothing the next day.
“You scare me because you’re smart and know what you’re doing when we’re just getting our heads straight.”
Your head tilted to the side at his honesty.
“You scare me because I feel something that maybe I shouldn’t. Because by some stupid chance I can’t have you, someone else will and I can’t imagine seeing them with you.”
Your chest tightened.
“I’m selfish to think that way,” he nodded. “You’re right about that.”
“I was talking about your work,” you confessed. “I think what you do is selfish.”
He didn’t say anything to that because he knew it was also true. Everything he sold to people was a fat lie to make money for a man who already had enough.
“You care about people too much,” he repeated. “And I don’t have enough people to put the care that I have into them.”
“You’re an asshole,” you told him and he nodded again.
“I’d have to agree.”
“You made me feel like shit.”
“I can’t take it back.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “For what I said and didn’t do. I was an asshole and you didn’t deserve it.”
His moody blues were turning the sky sad. A raindrop hit the ground between you.
“I don’t think I deserve your forgiveness,” he continued. “I’ve never been nice to your friends, or you, when we’re on the road. I dislike the way Tyler danced with you—made me want to knock his fucking teeth out but I figured you’d hate me more if I did.”
“He did that on purpose, you know.”
He shook his head, looking off into the grassland beyond the bar. You felt like you were being laid onto an altar for a choice. One that seemed easy but was hard, and one that was hard but the devil claimed it was easy.
“Figures,” he mumbled. “But I deserved it.”
“We’d have to agree there too.”
He looked up at you again. Arms still crossed, he undid them and extended a hand to you as an offering. Scott was not shocked by the hesitation in your steps.
“I think you have a lot of work to do, Scott.”
“I do.”
“And I don’t want to think this is all grandstanding to get into my bed.”
“It’s not.”
“I’m not one to give second chances,” you told him and he dropped his hand in his lap. “But I don’t think what we were doing constitutes as a first chance either.”
You walked toward him at your own volition. The gravel harsh under your heels, you settled with your toes at his. And you fiddled with the edges of the opening to his flannel no different than the collar in the diner.
“This is the only chance I’ll give you.”
Another raindrop fell.
“I don’t intend on wasting it.” Scott’s eyes flicked between your lips and eyes.
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In the laws of physics, there is one to triumph above the rest.
The gravitational law states that if a particle exists, it will attract others to them unwillingly—it is simply the natural state of existence.
The pull is magnetic; impossible to pass by the will of your mind, body, or soul. It tugged at the heartstrings roughly. A bridge that connected people from everywhere to be in one singular place at the right time.
Scott’s gravitational pull was too powerful to withstand. It pulled every bit of you into him without remorse—it was blue, red, and the colors of the world within to bloom into spectacles you’d only see when your eyes were closed.
Scott’s hands found purchase on your waist, drawing you into his pull. One of your hands remained on his chest. His erratic heart beat no differently than your own and the other hand grasped his forearm.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered in the night. “I’m sorry.”
You rested your forehead on his. “I know.”
The strength of his pull was strong. Yet it was not strong enough for you to pull your head back.
“Don’t prove I’m right,” you wanted him. He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“Can I be selfish one more time?” He inquired with a gleam in his eyes. Scott ran his tongue over his lips expectantly.
“Oh,” you feigned innocence. “Well, I don’t know if that would—“
He cut you off as he brought his lips to yours, kissing you sweetly. His lips were warm and smelt of a faint cheap beer. Another raindrop fell and this time it hit your face. You ignored it.
You gripped onto his shirt with a fist as he deepened the kiss. Taking one of his hands from you, he cupped the side of your neck to position you as he pleased.
It started to rain in Enid.
In the rain, the laws of physics didn’t defy themselves. The rain soaked into your clothes and into his dark locks to drip onto his face more so than yours. The blue of the neon sign growing hot instead of cold.
You broke away from him, tracing the lines of his face.
“Don’t prove I’m right,” you repeated.
And he didn’t.
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A/N: thanks for reading! As always comments, reblog, and likes are always appreciated. I love hearing from all of you and your reactions motivate us greatly!
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haven-gum-rockrose · 2 years ago
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bruh this weekend has been wild - not substantially: nothing bad has happened - just mentally: brain has not been great.
#dont think it'll change by tomorrow either#wild that I'm less depressed than I was but want to end it more than before#Tw suicidal ideation#Tw suicide#Just for the shit in the tags#Tw vent#Its not even like a sad thing just a practical one#Like why am I putting it off and procrastinating?#for societal standards? Things die all the time#Life moves on#why is it so bad to go out early whether by disease or my own hand or accident or natural causes or whatever#Im here and yeah I enjoy it sometimes- more than I used to- and yeah I could spread good cuz I'm good at that#but I don't remember things that I enjoy usually - I have shit ass memory like that#And why should I have to spread good- not in a spiteful way but just- the world is good enough even without me#so really I'm just holding out in hopes that the endless potential I've consistently wasted in the past will or day amount to some that what#makes a couple people a little happier than they wouldve been? Prevents a bit of suffering people aren't even aware of#how is that any different from my old bending over backwards people pleasing days- I could just sleep forever just end and it'll happen#Eventually anyways so why wait??? It only gets better from here but it's still just buying time#and that's not it - there's the fundamentally flawed spiel - the constant rotting feeling - the stupid fucking observer complex#The the dehumanization realization personalization and those shits - catastrophizing - assuming everyone I know is dead - always waiting for#the next worst thing to happen because bad things only happen to me when I cause them and that trend has to break eventually#But it never does and everything is perfect except for me and yet simultaneously the other way around-& its the stupid observer thing again#and it's fine- it's all fine because the pool is drained right now so I don't have the means anyway unless I went with the highway bridge#But that lacks any grace and I've only done outrught self destructive things when they have poetic meaning because I'm a cheesy bitch who#Draws themself with halos and thinks themselves above - so I won't do anything ofc because 'the world still needs me' and#'i haven't done enough good' and 'I know for a fact at least one of my friends would follow' but that's in his right too- ykno?#this is all out of pocket - I'm so sorry for putting this in a public placei think I got all the trigger warnings but I'm really bad about#That so- idk#time to go reblog a bunch of stuff to push this down my page
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ageofstarkey · 1 year ago
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hi, baby ✰ m. sturniolo
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pairing: bf!matt sturniolo x fem!reader
summary: you wake up grumpy after a nap & matt knows exactly how to make you feel better
warnings: some swearing, not rlly anything else??
note: i’ve loved the sturniolo’s for SO LONG n i’ve always wanted to write for matt (the love of my entire life <3) so this is me testing the water hehe, lmk if u enjoy/want to see more!!
comments & reblogs are so appreciated! <3
✰ ✰ ✰
“oh my god she’s alive-”
with an intentionally audible sigh, you head towards matt on the couch - ignoring chris and nick in their entirety as you pass them in the kitchen.
matt smiles fondly as you approach; reaching for your hand when you’re close enough to touch. “hi, baby.” his voice is soft as he tugs you onto his lap - one hand immediately coming up to smooth your sleep tussled hair away from your face. the subconscious action forces a stubborn little grin onto your lips. “good nap?”
with another little sigh, much quieter than the first, you drop your head against matt’s shoulder. “mhmm. ‘m still tired though.” the words are muffled by the fabric of matt’s hoodie - your heavy eyes falling shut as he begins to smooth an absentminded trail up and down the length of your spine.
“do you want to get a coffee and go for a drive?” he offers - voice soft and fond as he looks down at you.
“really?”
“sure - i need to get gas anyways.”
“are you kidding me?” the sound of nick’s voice is unmistakable, and you bite back a little laugh as he speaks. “i literally just asked you to take me to target and you flat-out refused like four fucking times.”
with a roll of his eyes that you can almost feel, matt turns his head towards his brothers in the kitchen. “nick - that’s different and you know it.”
“different? how is it different, matt? because i actually don’t know and i would love for you to enlighten me.”
“because you’re not my fucking girlfriend, nick - jesus christ.”
“no, that’s true, but i am your brother - your triplet no less. does that mean nothing to you?”
“at the moment? no, it really doesn’t.” decidedly done with the conversation, matt turns his head back to you. “you ready to go?”
with a soft little laugh, you stretch up to press a lazy kiss against his jaw. “we should take nick to target.” you say quietly.
“i’ll take him tomorrow.” he says back, tilting your head up with two fingers so it’s level with his own. you can’t fight your silly little grin when he presses a soft, lingering kiss to your lips. “i’ve barely seen you all day.”
“but i feel ba-”
matt kisses you again, effectively silencing your feeble attempt at a protest. “don’t feel bad.” he says, lips still brushing softly against yours as he speaks. “he doesn’t even need anything - the kid just wants to look around.” with a gentle pat to your thigh, he’s maneuvering the two of you into an upright position. “now c’mon - we’re going to starbucks.”
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peppermint-toads · 6 months ago
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you don’t like doctor’s offices. especially not now. you don’t like the hypnotic hum of the fluorescent lights, the cabinets that’ve been there since the late 80’s, the pamphlets sitting in an acrylic holder telling you that you have options.
options. not anymore. because you’re sitting on the examination table about 16 weeks pregnant, waiting for the doctor.
“the baby looks healthy,” the doctor tells you, barging into the room without a knock. “i’m prescribing zofran for the nausea. the nurse will see you out.”
thank fucking god. you wanted nothing more than to get the fuck out of this place. the best part about these visits was the walk home. they are usually quite pleasant. being pregnant in the summertime has its downfalls, but feeling the breeze in your hair and through your thin dress is your saving grace.
it’s just another bonus that you pass your favorite ice cream shop on the way home. you think you’ll have an affogato today, decaf, of course.
it smells like heaven in the shop, that cool, sweet smell from the coolers. your favorite. this is your saving grace, this affogato will solidify the day as a good one, despite the lingering feeling of doctor on you.
ice cream in hand, it’s finally time to go home. the walk is clearing your head already. you eat a spoonful of vanilla and sigh. maybe you ought to stop by the pharmacy for those meds. on second thought, that can be tomorrow’s task. you’ll be alright.
actually, maybe not. because you see simon riley’s stupid, bulking form walking towards you about a block away. fuck. shit fuck. you should hide. duck into the closest shop before he can come after you. but it’s no hope, you’re looking up and you’ve already made direct eye contact. nausea meds sound so good right now.
may as well keep going forward. it’s not like he’ll notice, anyway. you’re barely showing, but your white dress isn’t doing you any favors right now.
you’ll give a polite smile, duck your head, and all will be well. no stopping, no small talk, no—
simon is physically cornering you to a complete halt in the middle of the sidewalk, and there is nothing you can do about it. maybe if you curl your back in a little bit, the bump won’t be as noticeable.
“what are you doing? stop that.”
he is so gracefully referring to your posture.
“i don’t have time for this simon. i’ve got things to do.”
you walk sideways around him, and he follows.
“where are you coming from?”
you can’t help it. “you lost the right to ask that question when you fell off the face of the planet.”
you hear him grunt behind you and smile. great, no snide comments yet.
“you look different.”
shit. he’s jogging, catching up to you and walking by your side now. the breeze is picking up and you shift uncomfortably. the fabric of your dress is clinging to your stomach.
simon looks down, his intent is to see what you’re eating, but he catches a glimpse of your swollen stomach and freezes. he’s nearly swallowed by all the foot traffic.
“simon?” you feel the loss of him by your side. he’s stood still, strangers bumping into him and jostling his shoulders.
great. now you’re backtracking, when really all you want is to be at home, in bed.
“simon, what’s your problem?”
“you’re pregnant.”
time stops for him. he’s the father, no way he couldn’t be. unless you were cheating on him, which he highly doubts considering your heart is the purest thing he’s ever encountered during his time on this earth.
you let out a long, long sigh. “yeah.”
then you’re swaying, trying to keep upright and simultaneously swallowing down vomit. simon watches as the life drains from your face a bit. his hands are gripping your shoulders to stabilize you. his touch feels nice, warm.
“i need to get home,” you tell him with a sad smile, pained to be leaving his soft touch behind yet again.
“i’ll walk you.”
you nod. you don’t have the heart to ask him to take his hand off your waist, feels too good. and he’s keeping the world right side up.
it’s only a short distance home, and soon he’s ushering you up the stairs to your flat. you don’t stop him from doing that, either.
you also don’t stop him from pulling your favorite blanket over you after helping you lie down on the couch.
you don’t even get the chance to tell him to leave because you’re just so tired, and his presence makes you feel so safe. you’re falling asleep and quickly. he lets you.
he sits and watches you sleep for the better part of an hour. when you stir, he’s there, staring.
he’s in your lounge chair, chin resting on his folded knuckles.
“i’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me.”
you’re barely awake and what’s he saying? “huh?” you say stupidly, wiping your eyes of sleep.
“i said,” he swallows, “i’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me.”
you’re sitting straight up now, definitely more awake now. “i couldn’t have told you. even if i wanted to. you disappeared, simon.
he did. but he doesn’t have the time to explain that now. so, he ignores you.
“how far along are you?”
you tell him. he stands from the chair, sitting down right next to you. he asks if he can feel your stomach. you guess so.
things are getting a little too serious for you now.
“right, well. i had a lovely nap, and i’m feeling much better. thank you for walking me home, but i need to stop by the pharmacy and—”
he interrupts you, tugging your wrist when you try to stand. “i’ll go for you. i’ll do it, please. i’ll do anything you ask me to.
you frown down at him. “simon, there’s no point to this. please just go. it’s just… too late.”
simon’s heart is breaking. he didn’t think it could break anymore than it already has in the last few months.
“let me stay.”
he begs. you think there are tears in his eyes, and if you let them fall you know there’ll be no going back. so you sit with him, you let him kiss you with his hand on your stomach. you let him lay you down on the beat up couch he was always pestering you to replace. you let him pull your dress over your head and kiss his way down your stomach. you let him sink into you slowly and pull your calves up to rest on his shoulders. you let him cum inside of you, again.
you even let him go to the pharmacy for you.
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