#and thus I’ve learned yet again I’m incapable of keeping it simple stupid

[goodfish-bowl]

“Would you love me if I was a worm?”

line art by @mysteryhat21art

this one was done with only one brush…

[kaiju-z]

“Moonlight Tryst Under The Eclipse”

Right! So! A little clarification is in order! Um. So like. There’s this D&D show called “Role With Me”/”The Ties That Bind”. And the party have recently reached a high-tech Elven city and are learning all kinds of things about the society there. Including that they found fucking God fan fiction. Fan fiction written about Arkanos, God of Magic, who is also the elves’ God. And of Solomon, the God of Undeath. Who is basically enemy to all elven kind, after he convinced a group of them to worship him, in exchange for “immortality”, which is the secret origin of the drow in that world.

So like. It’s them. As like. A ship. They found shipfics and were reading them.

So this is basically inspired by that. And it’s a fic, “as written” by a writer in that world, that city. That internet. So yeah. It’s a fic, within a fic. ó ____ ó;;; That’s it. That’s the joke.

Also yes, you should watch Role WIth Me. Very Dark Souls/Witcher-ish. With a flavor of Bloodborne. Also lots of funnies between the rough stuff that our heroes go through.

An Arkanos/Solomon fanfic by RainbowRunner899

It was meant to be a distraction. A simple. Basic. Get your mind off the ear-splitting screams and wails distraction. A honest to yourself one. And yet here you were. Hours after the fact, still locked in an embrace with the long eared boy scout!

Arms around your body, you can easily feel his fingers trace every smooth pattern and ridge of your back as the stars shimmer and shake under his dexterous touch. Unlike your dark dealings in your domain beyond mortal comprehension, here you are incapable of hiding your intents and secrets. Or at least, the ones you can gesticulate.

Damn him! Damn this know-it-all paragon that bewitched you with his soft voice and alluring eyes! His words, his face, his everything! It drives you to madness! Like that’d mean anything to you, anyways. You were already unhinged. By some slight you yourself perceive as such. You blame your makers for it and have stated it as such to him, many a nights.

Many, upon many, for centuries, long since after he took his foolish followers and ran off into parts unknown, leaving you with your defiled flock of sycophants! You hate them, for they fell so easily and thus, you send them to do all sorts of cruelties. Just to test how far they’ll go for you. When they’d snap. Break. You figure that is why he had come out of hiding the first time, since your conflict. And confronted you.

The two of you had fought for dominance, throwing stars and supernovas at one another, frightening the populace around you. And, had it not been for his quick thinking and raised defenses, you two surely would have exterminated all life in the vicinity.

‘Damn him.’ you think, your face flushing as his hands move to your front, caressing the 8 pack. Damn him for seeing through your ruse that night. Through to the very core of who you were and why you did what you did! All that cruelty and anger! All of it, creating a Seeming of unseen proportions, hiding the broken man in need of help underneath.

Only he saw it! Neither Vanderen, nor Fleetfoot. Nor the old man and the revelry wench got even the slightest idea you had this secret pain! They were too stupid, too blind to see. But not Arkanos. He knew and he punished your body so with the palms of his hands. Your breathing growing heavy to his actions and you contemplate evasive maneuvers.

He reaches for your pa-aaand you grab his wrist. “No.” you go, hissing at him with a glare of pure death. Or undead. As is your aspect.

He looks at you with those gentle eyes. Those honest and wise eyes. “No?” he repeats, questioning you with his pretty little face. You’d bite your lip, if you had one. Then shake your head.

“No.” And you’d get up and try to make way out of the room, specifically by him, to protect you both from prying eyes. “I’m leaving. Going back, I-I have work to do. Monsters to raise. Many dark biddings to be made, Arkanos.” You growled, pitifully to show aggression. But he’s unmoving, unperturbed by your behavior as you struggle to put your robe back on. Damn thing! Did you start putting it with the wrong sleeve forward?! You’d struggle and huff and puff as you forced your head through a familiar opening and then flinch backwards, bumping into the wall.

“You’re having those thoughts again, aren’t you, Sol?” he asks you directly, his voice peaceful, like a river during summer. Disgusting. And beautiful, damn it! So beautiful! You think that as he had been standing right to face you once you put your head through the clothing. “Don’t lie to me. My eyes cannot be tricked, my ears cannot be lied to… and my heart- And he’d reach for his chest, tapping the left peck, before reaching over to tap your own.

You had no pulse. Not that it mattered. You were a god and who honestly cared about pulses, when you would live forever! Or unlive. Or-aaah, fuck it! You’d look away, scowling a boney scowl. “This game ends here, Arkanos. You’ve seduced me many a times before, but this ends now. You know you could never beat me in a fair fight and I know that you can’t backstab me like some mortal rogue under the pale moon light.” you scoffed, grabbing the door handle.

Twisting it, turning it. Opening the entrance and, in your case, the exit from his awkward situation. But right before you’d leave, the door would shut, without you even taking a full step ahead. You flinch, step backwards and bump into his frame. Then you have to straighten yourself as you attempt to prevent flushing of the cheeks. Straightening yourself and your clothing, you scoff. “Of course, right. Your wards.”

“Yes, Sol.” He’d smile a little smile your way and you feel your spine shiver. That cute smile that drove you crazy. After everything you did. All the people you killed and brought back as your meat and soul puppets! And he has the gall to smile at you like that.

“Well, undo it!” you try to regain footing. To find your equilibrium and tower over him, make yourself bigger, like one of those bear things that roam Fleetfoot’s forests. But intimidation does not work on him and you know it. He’s too brave. TOO STUPID, you try to think, but you know he’s too smart for you. Of all of them, even you, with all your dark and vile magicks, he was always the superior intellect.

He’d sigh a light sigh and glance over to the nearby window. It had been darkened off with the Darkness spell, which you made sure to cast, in case one of your flunkies or one of his randomly popped their head through. And he’d walk over to it, tapping it gently with a finger, dispelling. The sky appeared an odd mix of colors. It was familiar. Reminded you of your many birthdays. Yes, even the one good one you had all those millennia ago.

He’d wave a hand to you to step on over and join him at the glass separating you two from the outside. No words were needed. He had prepared the right set of movements, didn’t he?! A pregnant pause. And you go over, though you dare not look upwards at what the sky would be like. You just look down, no head in the clouds. Only down towards the muck.

“There is no shame in what you feel, Sol. You know that, right?” he’d say, side-glancing you every now and then as he faced the sky, while you watched the passerby folk, well, pass by. Wordlessly, you listen to him. And then have to find yourself blinking as the silence became deafening. Like he wanted a direct answer from you.

You’d grimace and cant your head some in a direction of your choosing. “I’ve killed and converted and had them kill… so many people. And you’re trying to psychoanalyze me, Arkanos. Don’t you find the flaw in that?!” he’d sneer. “The daddy of the elves meeting with the step dad of your little traitors. In secret and for centuries now. Isn’t that a little-Don’t you think that’s kind of fucked up?!” he’d not even raise a brow over your foul mouth. He was used to it.

He was used to keeping it occupied, too. Hmph!

“Is it really so crazy, Sol? Is it, though?” he’d smile again, resting a hand on your shoulder. “You. And I. Have such a history, spanning many a lifetimes of many a people. From the short-lived to the ancient. Friends. To rivals. To enemies. To friends…” he’d giggle and your face would change shades. It was a whole galactic party on your features. “To so much more.”

“Fuckbuddies.” he scoffed at your phrasing. He was used to the cussing, but that sort of direct crassness gave you a bit of an advantage… every now and then.

“Call it as you want, Sol. But I know the truth. I peered through your actions and your thoughts and I saw the real you… And I saw the broken pieces. They were there, inside you. Calling, screaming to be reshaped.” He spoke to you with such determination and passion. You’d mistake him for one of those new-fangled “bards”. “Is it honestly that big of a surprise that once you reached out as you did, I would reach back in turn?”

You look away. “After everything I put you and your kids through, how is that a surprise, Ark-“he has a hand on your cheekbone, slowly turning your face in his direction, as you sought to glance away in your shame and woe. “I-I mean-“

No time to finish the sentence. He pecks your face with his lips. Quick and focused. Your spine shivers at his advance. But you don’t really fight it, though you hate him pulling away.

“You are a lonely man, shrouded in a darkness of your own making. Unwilling to show the pain to those around you, fearing their response.” He’d say softly. “But I saw and I felt and I knew that day…”

“You knew…?” you asked.

He’d nod to you with a, well, knowing smile, his cheeks turning pink. It really didn’t take you that much to figure out what he meant.

“O-oh. Oh!”

“Yes.”

“Ohhhhh…” it was all you could say, while he glanced back out the window and you followed his gaze to the sky above. Where the moon had gone before the sun, creating a rare masterpiece that the mortals found fascinating as all hell. But to you? To you this was your birthday. Again, damn it, you’d bite your lip if you had that.

You feel his hand on your person. Fingers entangling with your own. You look to them. And you look to him. His eyes took that “look” again. A familiar one that the two of you would act upon  whenever the opportunity struck.

He walked back. And headed to the bed that faced the door, light step after light step, pulling you along. One knee on the bed. A creeking sound. His other knee on the mattress. A repeat. Shifting of weight as he pulled you on over.

You’d open your mouth to speak. “I-“

And he’d answer. “I know.”

Wordlessly, the two of you would lock faces and commiserate as he helped you take off the robe again. This time much slower and to the point than in a simple moment of passion. There was more feeling there.

As he’d undress you and you him, a thought would crawl into your mind.

Perhaps it was possible. Perhaps it was, yes, that the shattered insides of your soul could be put together again. Perhaps he could do it.

To Be Continued.

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Author’s notes: WONDERCRAK! Thank you, dear readers, for all the well wishes and kind words about the last story! Even you, KnuckleTucker3000. I appreciate the criticism on my grammar and took it to heart o w o! Wow, like, wow! So like, I was really excited to get to this part of the story, ‘cause, obviously I finally got to reveal what kinda day Solomon was born on u w u Next week’s continuation’s gonna get extra spicy, tho, so I have to bring back the reminder >8( This one’s for the grown-ups and it’s gonna be tagged NSFW! Don’t read if a Lemon Fic isn’t your thing! I’ll drop the hidden lore bits I’ll be putting in that one!

Stay tuned u w u, RainbowRunner899 out!

[raitrolling]

Bridging the Gap

She’s at your hive again. Sitting at the bar, listlessly gazing out the window while Eichio cleans the glasses and chats about his day. Her visits are becoming more frequent, only here to keep your employees company and drink all your alcohol. You’re grateful to have Eichio keeping track of how many drinks he’s had to pour, and subtly diluting the mixes every time. Cleaning up after drunken trolls is the worst thing about having guests over. Although, his reasoning is not out of pragmatism and a desire to lessen his workload, but rather a genuine care for her wellbeing. But for what reason? From the small times the two of you have interacted, you’ve been unable to find a single redeeming feature about her. And yet, if you were to count the number of mutual friends between you (and the number of people who would retaliate if you were to harm her) on your fingers, you would almost require a second hand. And that is one hand too many. When you asked Eichio, he replied that “she looked like someone who needed a friend”. Klavir’s opinion was “she’s annoying, but she’s cute when she’s angry”. And you know better than to prod Gerrel into talking about his ex. Essentially, you’re left with nothing to change your mind.

The other pressing issue other than your genuine dislike for her is the fact that you are well aware she is stealing from your hive. Not the idiot who keeps stealing your art prints (and the occasional genuine works you’ve added to your collection), but arguably, the much more infuriating idiot. Your cutlery is constantly going missing, along with random bottles of drinks from the bar. You’ve lost track of how many sets of forks and spoons you’ve had to throw out and replace because you no longer own the matching pair of knives, not to mention your kitchenware. The other night you had to use a cheese knife to peel and core the apples for your apple pie, as you noticed far too late that the appropriate knives were nowhere to be found. You’re fairly certain that’s the reason why the finished pie tasted slightly more bitter than usual. Typically, you’d consider the most appropriate action to take against someone you’ve caught stealing from you to be what you’d call ‘giving them a lesson they will never forget’, but what other people would say is ‘cold blooded torture’, and ‘maybe a little bit of a disproportionate retribution, don’t you think?’. But, of course, you’re incapable of doing that to her, otherwise you’d potentially sever all of those mutual relationships the two of you share. You need those far more than she does.

As you stand at the entrance to the ballroom and main entertaining area (thankfully Eichio hasn’t noticed you yet), you weigh up your options. The most logical option to deal with your predicament is to find a simple, non-violent way to deal with the criminal in the room. A criminal who is skittish, unpredictable, and does not trust you. You know she can be swayed with money (it’s how you previously got her to cooperate), but if money was all she wanted she wouldn’t be pilfering your possessions. Thus, bribery is not a viable option. It works for someone like Velour because he will get the job done depending on how much you offer, but this girl is all take and no give. Threats don’t seem to work either, since you also did that last time to no avail. You’re not sure if that’s out of a lack of self-preservation, or just plain stupidity.

Well, as they say… If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

You quietly move towards the bar and pull up a stool next to her.

“Ah, good evening, Katrin. I wasn’t aware you were visiting tonight,” You say in a cordial tone, though your slight annoyance at having to resort to befriending her slips out.

She immediately tenses up, eyes wildly darting between yourself, Eichio, and your lower half, scanning for any evidence of a holster or concealed weapon. Oh, that’s right. The last time you spoke to her you had your pistol on you, using her fear of firearms to your advantage. You swivel yourself around the stool to make it clear that you’re unarmed, not that it helps her calm down. After an uncomfortably long pause (so uncomfortable that even Eichio silently motioned that he was going to leave the room and then excused himself to tidy up the library), she finally responds.

“Uh, hi.”

You… Knew she wasn’t the talkative type, but you were kind of hoping she’d say a little more than that. Maybe saying why she’s here at all? Asking why you’re talking to her after spending perigees pretending she doesn’t exist? You suppose you’ll have to take the lead.

“So, what brings you to this neck of the woods, as they say? Other than keeping Eichio company, of course, as I suppose that’s the primary reason, no? I know he appreciates having someone to talk to when I am too busy to leave my study, or at least, enjoys a change of scenery, so to say.” You swivel the stool back to its original position, resting your arm against the bar top and propping up your head with your hand. She watches you carefully, as if she’s convinced you’re seconds away from lashing out.

“Uh, yeah. I was just… Here, I guess.” She wants to look away out of uneasiness, but feels as if that’s a bad idea. She knows you’re up to something, but doesn’t seem to care what your intentions are.

“Yes, of course.” These vague responses really aren’t helping you carry on the conversation. “I can see that, actually. Unless you mean to tell me that you are merely a figment of my imagination, or perhaps I am dreaming! Aha,” you chuckle. If anything this feels like a nightmare.

She doesn’t find your joke funny. Or at least, she doesn’t respond to it at all.

“Well, uh, I’m… Not, so…” she trails off.

“Ah.”

For the first time ever, you find yourself at a loss for words. Perhaps you should have approached this conversation with a plan. Usually you can talk people’s ears off, but in this particular instance you feel like you’re being suffocated by the awkward tension clogging the air. She’s simply impenetrable. It doesn’t help that your usual tactics would scare her off, so you can’t subtly threaten your way into controlling the conversation the way you normally would. Her tenseness is even starting to rub off on you.

“Well, that is certainly good to hear, I suppose. I don’t know what I’d do if I were to learn I was hallucinating, it must be terrible to live in doubt of what you are experiencing is reality, no? But! That is besides the point-” You’re not even certain what the point of this even is anymore. “- I was simply interested in a bit of friendly conversation. I don’t suppose you mind, no?”

Her expression says that yes, she does mind. She minds a lot, actually. But, she shakes her head, possibly out of fear for what would happen if she said no.

“Uh, no, it’s… It’s fine.”

“Excellent! After all, I do feel I’ve been an awful host, considering I know you tend to visit here often and yet I’ve rarely - if ever! - spoken to you! I apologise for that, actually, but I know you’re not here to visit me, of course. But, as I asked earlier, what brings you here in particular, rather than opting to meet either Eichio or Klavir outside of work?” Slight pause as you notice her expression shift to one of worry. “This is not an interrogation, but the way, you do not need to worry. I am merely curious, if you don’t mind me asking such a question.”

“Right, I uh, guess I just… Don’t mind it?” Finally she manages to break her gaze away from you, instead shifting to the empty glass in front of her as she idly traces a finger around the rim. “It’s, uh… Easier for Eichio I guess, since he… Started inviting me over.”

“I see. I suppose, from your perspective, being invited into a highblood’s hive feels like a privilege, no?”

“Uh… I guess?” She’d shrug if she wasn’t so on guard. Of course, you know for a fact she doesn’t care about the privilege of being invited to a highblood’s hive. She comes and goes from here whenever she feels like it. You wish you could prod further into the subject of her thievery, but now is definitely not the time. You’ve only just got her to relax a tiny bit.

“Of course. It is probably presumptuous of me to presume I’d understand the perspective of a lowblood, no? I couldn’t in a thousand sweeps fathom that type of lifestyle, even with making assumptions through how my employees and lowblood guests typically act.” You chuckle once again, with slightly more awkwardness than when you made that (quite frankly, stupid) joke.

“Right, uh, yeah.”

Another uncomfortable silence. You can feel the frustration simmering inside you, almost begging for you to bash your head against the nearest wall. Even Lyvere is easier to talk to, despite suffering the same skittishness problem that she does. This time, you can’t help but sigh.

“You’re certainly not the most talkative troll around, are you? If you don’t mind me pointing out of course.” Not even sweeps of controlling your accent and acting lessons could mask your irritation. In that instant, you’re back to square one.

“No, uh… Not really.” Her eyes snap back to you as she grips the empty glass. To be used as an improvised weapon, presumably. Again you hold up your hands to show you’re not planning on fighting her.

“There’s no problem with that, I mean. I am merely pointing out.” Back to your usual tone. “Admittedly, I’m not used to that, but perhaps that is only my problem. After all, Eichio seems to have no issue with it, from what I understand. He does speak highly of you, actually.”

“I don’t… Think he does? He’s uh… Never mentioned it.” There’s hesitance in her voice, not the usual uneasiness present in this conversation, but rather a hesitance suggesting she doubts her own words. You quirk an eyebrow. You’re not sure if she’s caught on to his people-pleasing tendencies, or if she somehow doubts his kindness and desire to help is genuine.

“In that case, I’m sure if he’s never mentioned it, then he truly does not have a problem with you. He’s a very genuine person, actually, so much so I’m surprised such a charitable troll exists. You do not need to worry about him.” These sorts of words almost feel foreign coming out of you. You’ve never been the reassuring type, unless it was a necessary step to get what you want out of someone. Which applies to this situation, but still. It feels wrong.

“Oh, right. Yeah.” Nonetheless, she doesn’t sound convinced, but from what you’ve gathered from this conversation she doesn’t sound quite sure of anything. Perhaps your words do have an impact, even if it doesn’t feel like it at all. You’re the type of troll who only cares about seeing results, but all you’ve gathered from this conversation is the mental equivalent to talking to a brick wall. Or a dog chasing its own tail. Or any other metaphor that represents the two of you going nowhere, fast.

Perhaps you were the one being tortured this entire time.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Katrin finally makes the move to leave. She gives you one last glance before sliding off the barstool, not bothering to move the empty glass to the sink. You suppose she’s used to Eichio offering to clean it first.

“Well, uh, I should probably… Go,” she says, as plainly as she’s been responding to the rest of this conversation.

“Of course.” This time you actually do resist the urge to sigh. Thank god. “Thank you for the chat, even if it was brief. I believe Eichio is in the library if you wish to say goodbye to him as well, if he hasn’t moved on to tidying up another room, of course. Have a good evening, Katrin.” You wave her off.

“Right, uh. Bye.”

And with that, she leaves. Once you hear the closing of the front door, you finally let out that sigh you’ve been holding in for so long, letting your head fall into your hands in exasperation. God, what a waste. It’s a good thing you decided to stay at the bar. You’ve never needed a drink so badly in your life.

[crpskills-blog]

Hitting a 10 on the pain scale

This is another dictation meaning I'm not typing this I'm simply reciting it and my device is doing the typing for me. This is great if you are like me and only have one available hand to use. I know most keyboards and devices have things like swipe, autocorrect, and predictive type analysis. However, I find them to be quite annoying and the learning curve for the program is also a pain in the rear end. Let me clarify: I don't mean the time it takes from me to learn how to use the program I mean the time it takes the program to learn and adapt to my voice etc etc etc. How to keep pushing forward. I wish I could tell you that it's easy, I wish I could say just tough it out, be strong, have a strong will, have a great family, have wonderful friends.... While those are nice things to have when it comes down to it and it really really hurts.. I'm talking about a 10 on the Pain Scale( the normal one that everyone uses) or 50 on the McGill scale (I know rsd's not rated 50 but trying to make a point) you would be in the fetal position or whatever position crying and screaming in pain. If you're lucky your house or room would have enough isolation so that no one can hear your screams. You can reach for your medication, don't follow what your doctor tell you and go ahead and take some more... The only thing that's going to come out of this is nothing. You'll get no relief and you'll short yourself medication that you will need for the rest of the month. The fact of the matter is most people with RSD/CRPS that's up to stage two or three will be on some sort of medication. Even if you're not at a stage 2 or 3 you will need medication to get through the day. I digress...

So, there you are laying on the floor screaming wanting to paint stop, asking God for help, asking guardian Angel to come help you, taking extra medication, doing whatever you can to try to make it stop - but guess what? It doesn't. The next logical step would be go to emergency room right? Good luck with that. In my experience as soon as you go to the emergency room for pain and when you tell them you already been diagnosed with chronic regional pain syndrome, or RSD.. First off, they'll be completely stumped. They have no idea what you're talkin about, even be attending physician who you'll meet eventually. I remember once going to mayo Clinic. The pain was intolerable.. So I thought I'd give mayo another shot. Do you know what the physician told me? He walked into the room, had no idea what chronic regional pain syndrome is or if you want to use RSD that's fine too.. Point is he knew nothing about it yet he was extremely dismissive of my current condition and the fact that I needed help. Keep in mind I've been going through this for 10 years so I know when I go to the emergency room or to see any doctor. I had my entire medical history, all MRI, excetera excetera excetera. I even brought all my medication with me he can count the pills to see and to show him that I'm not abusing or misusing my medication. I simply just needed help. This moron told me, I had brain surgery and I'm back at work. If I can handle that you can handle this and then gave me my discharge papers. Man.... This was not my only negative experience with the famous Mayo Clinic. So, what now? Endurance After what you read so far does it come as a surprise that RSD /CRPS is nickname the suicide disease. I mean, if you can somehow imagine... The fact that matters most people can't because either they haven't experienced real suffering or seen someone they love suffer, thus making them incapable of empathy or sympathy towards anyone going through anything like this. The first time you hit an actual 10 pain Scale and I'm not talkin about a stupid migraine or your menstrual cycle pain... I'm talking about suffering, man. Tired of explaining it, tired of trying to get people to understand... Just tired. Please don't try to compare what you're going through or f****** menstrual cycle 2 what I'm trying so explain here... I digress. To endure this kind of suffering, which really is inhumane, takes a lot of strength. So, please do not think for one second that any of this makes me weak, less than, a coward, or any other ridiculous sayings or phrases that comes to mind. To endure means you have to take your regular dosage of medication and literally endure this flare up until it's over. God won't help you, crying won't help you, your family can't help you... Literally nothing can help you. If I'm going to be completely honest the only place that can help you if you get to this level is a Hospital. As I mentioned earlier most hospitals will eradicate you, give you some bulshit reason and dismiss you without any sympathy, empathy or compassion. All of this all of this is dewpider ignorance and simple let's call it misunderstanding of what your condition really can do to you and how painful it really is. (pain is not the word, agony is contiguous but not quite there... I'm digressing again. When I lived in New York I was lucky to find a hospital to help in situations like these. It goes without saying you obviously need insurance. I will not name the hospital because people, generally, have a tendency to abuse things. After they've helped me so many times, I will not send possible Junkies to that Hospital. It will be a task, a very difficult one at that, to find that solitude. As I said before, endure. " adapt, overcome, achieve" If you are going to go to emergency room or see a new doctor please review our page on this matter. In the header navigation and once it's been added it should automatically link you to that section, it will help. Read the full article

[crpskills-blog]

Hitting a 10 on the pain scale

This is another dictation meaning I'm not typing this I'm simply reciting it and my device is doing the typing for me. This is great if you are like me and only have one available hand to use. I know most keyboards and devices have things like swipe, autocorrect, and predictive type analysis. However, I find them to be quite annoying and the learning curve for the program is also a pain in the rear end. Let me clarify: I don't mean the time it takes from me to learn how to use the program I mean the time it takes the program to learn and adapt to my voice etc etc etc. How to keep pushing forward. I wish I could tell you that it's easy, I wish I could say just tough it out, be strong, have a strong will, have a great family, have wonderful friends.... While those are nice things to have when it comes down to it and it really really hurts.. I'm talking about a 10 on the Pain Scale( the normal one that everyone uses) or 50 on the McGill scale (I know rsd's not rated 50 but trying to make a point) you would be in the fetal position or whatever position crying and screaming in pain. If you're lucky your house or room would have enough isolation so that no one can hear your screams. You can reach for your medication, don't follow what your doctor tell you and go ahead and take some more... The only thing that's going to come out of this is nothing. You'll get no relief and you'll short yourself medication that you will need for the rest of the month. The fact of the matter is most people with RSD/CRPS that's up to stage two or three will be on some sort of medication. Even if you're not at a stage 2 or 3 you will need medication to get through the day. I digress...

So, there you are laying on the floor screaming wanting to paint stop, asking God for help, asking guardian Angel to come help you, taking extra medication, doing whatever you can to try to make it stop - but guess what? It doesn't. The next logical step would be go to emergency room right? Good luck with that. In my experience as soon as you go to the emergency room for pain and when you tell them you already been diagnosed with chronic regional pain syndrome, or RSD.. First off, they'll be completely stumped. They have no idea what you're talkin about, even be attending physician who you'll meet eventually. I remember once going to mayo Clinic. The pain was intolerable.. So I thought I'd give mayo another shot. Do you know what the physician told me? He walked into the room, had no idea what chronic regional pain syndrome is or if you want to use RSD that's fine too.. Point is he knew nothing about it yet he was extremely dismissive of my current condition and the fact that I needed help. Keep in mind I've been going through this for 10 years so I know when I go to the emergency room or to see any doctor. I had my entire medical history, all MRI, excetera excetera excetera. I even brought all my medication with me he can count the pills to see and to show him that I'm not abusing or misusing my medication. I simply just needed help. This moron told me, I had brain surgery and I'm back at work. If I can handle that you can handle this and then gave me my discharge papers. Man.... This was not my only negative experience with the famous Mayo Clinic. So, what now? Endurance After what you read so far does it come as a surprise that RSD /CRPS is nickname the suicide disease. I mean, if you can somehow imagine... The fact that matters most people can't because either they haven't experienced real suffering or seen someone they love suffer, thus making them incapable of empathy or sympathy towards anyone going through anything like this. The first time you hit an actual 10 pain Scale and I'm not talkin about a stupid migraine or your menstrual cycle pain... I'm talking about suffering, man. Tired of explaining it, tired of trying to get people to understand... Just tired. Please don't try to compare what you're going through or f****** menstrual cycle 2 what I'm trying so explain here... I digress. To endure this kind of suffering, which really is inhumane, takes a lot of strength. So, please do not think for one second that any of this makes me weak, less than, a coward, or any other ridiculous sayings or phrases that comes to mind. To endure means you have to take your regular dosage of medication and literally endure this flare up until it's over. God won't help you, crying won't help you, your family can't help you... Literally nothing can help you. If I'm going to be completely honest the only place that can help you if you get to this level is a Hospital. As I mentioned earlier most hospitals will eradicate you, give you some bulshit reason and dismiss you without any sympathy, empathy or compassion. All of this all of this is dewpider ignorance and simple let's call it misunderstanding of what your condition really can do to you and how painful it really is. (pain is not the word, agony is contiguous but not quite there... I'm digressing again. When I lived in New York I was lucky to find a hospital to help in situations like these. It goes without saying you obviously need insurance. I will not name the hospital because people, generally, have a tendency to abuse things. After they've helped me so many times, I will not send possible Junkies to that Hospital. It will be a task, a very difficult one at that, to find that solitude. As I said before, endure. " adapt, overcome, achieve" If you are going to go to emergency room or see a new doctor please review our page on this matter. In the header navigation and once it's been added it should automatically link you to that section, it will help. Read the full article

[crpskills-blog]

Hitting a 10 on the pain scale

This is another dictation meaning I'm not typing this I'm simply reciting it and my device is doing the typing for me. This is great if you are like me and only have one available hand to use. I know most keyboards and devices have things like swipe, autocorrect, and predictive type analysis. However, I find them to be quite annoying and the learning curve for the program is also a pain in the rear end. Let me clarify: I don't mean the time it takes from me to learn how to use the program I mean the time it takes the program to learn and adapt to my voice etc etc etc. How to keep pushing forward. I wish I could tell you that it's easy, I wish I could say just tough it out, be strong, have a strong will, have a great family, have wonderful friends.... While those are nice things to have when it comes down to it and it really really hurts.. I'm talking about a 10 on the Pain Scale( the normal one that everyone uses) or 50 on the McGill scale (I know rsd's not rated 50 but trying to make a point) you would be in the fetal position or whatever position crying and screaming in pain. If you're lucky your house or room would have enough isolation so that no one can hear your screams. You can reach for your medication, don't follow what your doctor tell you and go ahead and take some more... The only thing that's going to come out of this is nothing. You'll get no relief and you'll short yourself medication that you will need for the rest of the month. The fact of the matter is most people with RSD/CRPS that's up to stage two or three will be on some sort of medication. Even if you're not at a stage 2 or 3 you will need medication to get through the day. I digress...

So, there you are laying on the floor screaming wanting to paint stop, asking God for help, asking guardian Angel to come help you, taking extra medication, doing whatever you can to try to make it stop - but guess what? It doesn't. The next logical step would be go to emergency room right? Good luck with that. In my experience as soon as you go to the emergency room for pain and when you tell them you already been diagnosed with chronic regional pain syndrome, or RSD.. First off, they'll be completely stumped. They have no idea what you're talkin about, even be attending physician who you'll meet eventually. I remember once going to mayo Clinic. The pain was intolerable.. So I thought I'd give mayo another shot. Do you know what the physician told me? He walked into the room, had no idea what chronic regional pain syndrome is or if you want to use RSD that's fine too.. Point is he knew nothing about it yet he was extremely dismissive of my current condition and the fact that I needed help. Keep in mind I've been going through this for 10 years so I know when I go to the emergency room or to see any doctor. I had my entire medical history, all MRI, excetera excetera excetera. I even brought all my medication with me he can count the pills to see and to show him that I'm not abusing or misusing my medication. I simply just needed help. This moron told me, I had brain surgery and I'm back at work. If I can handle that you can handle this and then gave me my discharge papers. Man.... This was not my only negative experience with the famous Mayo Clinic. So, what now? Endurance After what you read so far does it come as a surprise that RSD /CRPS is nickname the suicide disease. I mean, if you can somehow imagine... The fact that matters most people can't because either they haven't experienced real suffering or seen someone they love suffer, thus making them incapable of empathy or sympathy towards anyone going through anything like this. The first time you hit an actual 10 pain Scale and I'm not talkin about a stupid migraine or your menstrual cycle pain... I'm talking about suffering, man. Tired of explaining it, tired of trying to get people to understand... Just tired. Please don't try to compare what you're going through or f****** menstrual cycle 2 what I'm trying so explain here... I digress. To endure this kind of suffering, which really is inhumane, takes a lot of strength. So, please do not think for one second that any of this makes me weak, less than, a coward, or any other ridiculous sayings or phrases that comes to mind. To endure means you have to take your regular dosage of medication and literally endure this flare up until it's over. God won't help you, crying won't help you, your family can't help you... Literally nothing can help you. If I'm going to be completely honest the only place that can help you if you get to this level is a Hospital. As I mentioned earlier most hospitals will eradicate you, give you some bulshit reason and dismiss you without any sympathy, empathy or compassion. All of this all of this is dewpider ignorance and simple let's call it misunderstanding of what your condition really can do to you and how painful it really is. (pain is not the word, agony is contiguous but not quite there... I'm digressing again. When I lived in New York I was lucky to find a hospital to help in situations like these. It goes without saying you obviously need insurance. I will not name the hospital because people, generally, have a tendency to abuse things. After they've helped me so many times, I will not send possible Junkies to that Hospital. It will be a task, a very difficult one at that, to find that solitude. As I said before, endure. " adapt, overcome, achieve" If you are going to go to emergency room or see a new doctor please review our page on this matter. In the header navigation and once it's been added it should automatically link you to that section, it will help. Read the full article

[crpskills-blog]

Hitting a 10 on the pain scale

This is another dictation meaning I'm not typing this I'm simply reciting it and my device is doing the typing for me. This is great if you are like me and only have one available hand to use. I know most keyboards and devices have things like swipe, autocorrect, and predictive type analysis. However, I find them to be quite annoying and the learning curve for the program is also a pain in the rear end. Let me clarify: I don't mean the time it takes from me to learn how to use the program I mean the time it takes the program to learn and adapt to my voice etc etc etc. How to keep pushing forward. I wish I could tell you that it's easy, I wish I could say just tough it out, be strong, have a strong will, have a great family, have wonderful friends.... While those are nice things to have when it comes down to it and it really really hurts.. I'm talking about a 10 on the Pain Scale( the normal one that everyone uses) or 50 on the McGill scale (I know rsd's not rated 50 but trying to make a point) you would be in the fetal position or whatever position crying and screaming in pain. If you're lucky your house or room would have enough isolation so that no one can hear your screams. You can reach for your medication, don't follow what your doctor tell you and go ahead and take some more... The only thing that's going to come out of this is nothing. You'll get no relief and you'll short yourself medication that you will need for the rest of the month. The fact of the matter is most people with RSD/CRPS that's up to stage two or three will be on some sort of medication. Even if you're not at a stage 2 or 3 you will need medication to get through the day. I digress...

So, there you are laying on the floor screaming wanting to paint stop, asking God for help, asking guardian Angel to come help you, taking extra medication, doing whatever you can to try to make it stop - but guess what? It doesn't. The next logical step would be go to emergency room right? Good luck with that. In my experience as soon as you go to the emergency room for pain and when you tell them you already been diagnosed with chronic regional pain syndrome, or RSD.. First off, they'll be completely stumped. They have no idea what you're talkin about, even be attending physician who you'll meet eventually. I remember once going to mayo Clinic. The pain was intolerable.. So I thought I'd give mayo another shot. Do you know what the physician told me? He walked into the room, had no idea what chronic regional pain syndrome is or if you want to use RSD that's fine too.. Point is he knew nothing about it yet he was extremely dismissive of my current condition and the fact that I needed help. Keep in mind I've been going through this for 10 years so I know when I go to the emergency room or to see any doctor. I had my entire medical history, all MRI, excetera excetera excetera. I even brought all my medication with me he can count the pills to see and to show him that I'm not abusing or misusing my medication. I simply just needed help. This moron told me, I had brain surgery and I'm back at work. If I can handle that you can handle this and then gave me my discharge papers. Man.... This was not my only negative experience with the famous Mayo Clinic. So, what now? Endurance After what you read so far does it come as a surprise that RSD /CRPS is nickname the suicide disease. I mean, if you can somehow imagine... The fact that matters most people can't because either they haven't experienced real suffering or seen someone they love suffer, thus making them incapable of empathy or sympathy towards anyone going through anything like this. The first time you hit an actual 10 pain Scale and I'm not talkin about a stupid migraine or your menstrual cycle pain... I'm talking about suffering, man. Tired of explaining it, tired of trying to get people to understand... Just tired. Please don't try to compare what you're going through or f****** menstrual cycle 2 what I'm trying so explain here... I digress. To endure this kind of suffering, which really is inhumane, takes a lot of strength. So, please do not think for one second that any of this makes me weak, less than, a coward, or any other ridiculous sayings or phrases that comes to mind. To endure means you have to take your regular dosage of medication and literally endure this flare up until it's over. God won't help you, crying won't help you, your family can't help you... Literally nothing can help you. If I'm going to be completely honest the only place that can help you if you get to this level is a Hospital. As I mentioned earlier most hospitals will eradicate you, give you some bulshit reason and dismiss you without any sympathy, empathy or compassion. All of this all of this is dewpider ignorance and simple let's call it misunderstanding of what your condition really can do to you and how painful it really is. (pain is not the word, agony is contiguous but not quite there... I'm digressing again. When I lived in New York I was lucky to find a hospital to help in situations like these. It goes without saying you obviously need insurance. I will not name the hospital because people, generally, have a tendency to abuse things. After they've helped me so many times, I will not send possible Junkies to that Hospital. It will be a task, a very difficult one at that, to find that solitude. As I said before, endure. " adapt, overcome, achieve" If you are going to go to emergency room or see a new doctor please review our page on this matter. In the header navigation and once it's been added it should automatically link you to that section, it will help. Read the full article

[crpskills-blog]

Hitting a 10 on the pain scale

This is another dictation meaning I'm not typing this I'm simply reciting it and my device is doing the typing for me. This is great if you are like me and only have one available hand to use. I know most keyboards and devices have things like swipe, autocorrect, and predictive type analysis. However, I find them to be quite annoying and the learning curve for the program is also a pain in the rear end. Let me clarify: I don't mean the time it takes from me to learn how to use the program I mean the time it takes the program to learn and adapt to my voice etc etc etc. How to keep pushing forward. I wish I could tell you that it's easy, I wish I could say just tough it out, be strong, have a strong will, have a great family, have wonderful friends.... While those are nice things to have when it comes down to it and it really really hurts.. I'm talking about a 10 on the Pain Scale( the normal one that everyone uses) or 50 on the McGill scale (I know rsd's not rated 50 but trying to make a point) you would be in the fetal position or whatever position crying and screaming in pain. If you're lucky your house or room would have enough isolation so that no one can hear your screams. You can reach for your medication, don't follow what your doctor tell you and go ahead and take some more... The only thing that's going to come out of this is nothing. You'll get no relief and you'll short yourself medication that you will need for the rest of the month. The fact of the matter is most people with RSD/CRPS that's up to stage two or three will be on some sort of medication. Even if you're not at a stage 2 or 3 you will need medication to get through the day. I digress...

So, there you are laying on the floor screaming wanting to paint stop, asking God for help, asking guardian Angel to come help you, taking extra medication, doing whatever you can to try to make it stop - but guess what? It doesn't. The next logical step would be go to emergency room right? Good luck with that. In my experience as soon as you go to the emergency room for pain and when you tell them you already been diagnosed with chronic regional pain syndrome, or RSD.. First off, they'll be completely stumped. They have no idea what you're talkin about, even be attending physician who you'll meet eventually. I remember once going to mayo Clinic. The pain was intolerable.. So I thought I'd give mayo another shot. Do you know what the physician told me? He walked into the room, had no idea what chronic regional pain syndrome is or if you want to use RSD that's fine too.. Point is he knew nothing about it yet he was extremely dismissive of my current condition and the fact that I needed help. Keep in mind I've been going through this for 10 years so I know when I go to the emergency room or to see any doctor. I had my entire medical history, all MRI, excetera excetera excetera. I even brought all my medication with me he can count the pills to see and to show him that I'm not abusing or misusing my medication. I simply just needed help. This moron told me, I had brain surgery and I'm back at work. If I can handle that you can handle this and then gave me my discharge papers. Man.... This was not my only negative experience with the famous Mayo Clinic. So, what now? Endurance After what you read so far does it come as a surprise that RSD /CRPS is nickname the suicide disease. I mean, if you can somehow imagine... The fact that matters most people can't because either they haven't experienced real suffering or seen someone they love suffer, thus making them incapable of empathy or sympathy towards anyone going through anything like this. The first time you hit an actual 10 pain Scale and I'm not talkin about a stupid migraine or your menstrual cycle pain... I'm talking about suffering, man. Tired of explaining it, tired of trying to get people to understand... Just tired. Please don't try to compare what you're going through or f****** menstrual cycle 2 what I'm trying so explain here... I digress. To endure this kind of suffering, which really is inhumane, takes a lot of strength. So, please do not think for one second that any of this makes me weak, less than, a coward, or any other ridiculous sayings or phrases that comes to mind. To endure means you have to take your regular dosage of medication and literally endure this flare up until it's over. God won't help you, crying won't help you, your family can't help you... Literally nothing can help you. If I'm going to be completely honest the only place that can help you if you get to this level is a Hospital. As I mentioned earlier most hospitals will eradicate you, give you some bulshit reason and dismiss you without any sympathy, empathy or compassion. All of this all of this is dewpider ignorance and simple let's call it misunderstanding of what your condition really can do to you and how painful it really is. (pain is not the word, agony is contiguous but not quite there... I'm digressing again. When I lived in New York I was lucky to find a hospital to help in situations like these. It goes without saying you obviously need insurance. I will not name the hospital because people, generally, have a tendency to abuse things. After they've helped me so many times, I will not send possible Junkies to that Hospital. It will be a task, a very difficult one at that, to find that solitude. As I said before, endure. " adapt, overcome, achieve" If you are going to go to emergency room or see a new doctor please review our page on this matter. In the header navigation and once it's been added it should automatically link you to that section, it will help. Read the full article