#and through watching 2013 she is getting there slowly lmao

[moonshynecybin]

explaining sepang to other people is so difficult because then i have go and say i still love vale and they just don’t get it cause they’ve never heard him speak

literally i spent like two weeks this offseason watching 2013 and 2015 w my mom in little chunks and trying to convey to her (a vale hater on SIGHT from the minute she knew a. his general aesthetic and b. his marc oppositional status) what his whole deal is because its like. of genuine importance to the shape of the sport in any era since he started riding. and ive found that its reallyyyyy hard to be like okay so you know vale of being mean to marc fame. and then work BACKWARDS on a platform of well hes a special charismatic little princess

[chanstopher]

I resisted most kpop and all kpop fandom for a very long time 😆

I got into visual kei in high school (2007 ish) and one of my online friends also listened to some. She got me into J dramas, from where I got into KAT-TUN in 2010. She also watched K dramas and listened to kpop and she sent me some, but not being able to sing along by ear or through romanized lyrics frustrated me since I'd been able to do that with Japanese since I first listened to anime openings and such in middle school. I did listen to some 2ne1 and Big Bang, but mainly Japanese releases since at that point I was studying Japanese and reaching conversational fluency.

After college she and I mostly fell out of touch, KAT-TUN had slowed down after losing a member in 2013 and then another later, LiveJournal got taken over by a Russian "news" company, so all my sources of music and drama torrents were gone, the two main VK bands I listened two took hiatuses or had record company issues (one came back, the other eventually broke up), and so I was back to mostly listening to top 40 radio.

At some point, I got suggested a "reacts to kpop" video on YouTube, and I was like, "I wonder if I'll even recognize and of these groups." The answer was no, I did not, but one if the songs was Blackpink's Whistle, and I was like, "damn, this song is fun," so I started listening to them. I still didnt keep up with anything beyond just their music (and still dont), but it got some kpop on my radar again.

Then I went to Holiday Matsuri in 2021 and went to the hottest men in anime show, which is a men's burlesque contest. The winning act performed to God's Menu and Lisa's Money, two bangers that I hadn't heard because I wasn't actively paying attention to new music. I went and looked them up and played a Spotify kpop playlist the whole 6 hours drive home to add new songs to my library, but I still didn't look up any groups. I continued like that for about a year, just liking individual songs. Then, around when Time Out came out, something made me look up the Stray Kids youtube. I had watched the God's Menu video that first night I heard the song, but I didn't watch anything else. I subscribed to the channel that time, but u still didn't dive into the music videos or add a bunch to my library. Its like part of my brain new I'd not crawl out of that hole and it wasn't the right time for it lol

Finally, late August of last year, I let myself watch the music videos and listen to full albums. Then I resisted any additional content outside of "making of" videos for another month (which is a while for a disabled person with nothing to do but consume content).

Now, here I am. Awash in the swamp. Watching Han and Chan and understanding nothing 🤣

Thankfully I had already planned to learn some Korean since its the third most common language where I live and I had started watching kdramas, but its hard! I still have some bias to Japanese releases for that reason 😆 but it does vary by song since some don't fit/match rhythmically to the Korean versions as nicely as others. Hopefully I'll get there with Korean. I have to remember I have decades of familiarity with the sounds and basics of Japanese compared to very little familiarity with Korean.

this is a wholeeee journey u did not take the easels to mordor lmao but omg i’m learning so much about how things were found in the 00’s and 10’s when i was content to go to warped tour and never be online lmao but this journey feels educational with all the stuff u were into! and ur bias for japanese releases is understandable especially jyp groups they just hit different so i can understand having spent all that time learning japanese and being into japanese culture would only add to the fondness for them! your will power to get into skz so slowly is amazing I don’t know if i’ve ever done such a good job of avoiding diving straight into something the second i found a part of it i liked, but alas we all end up in the skz swamp one way or another lmao

[femmmie]

Danthony 2023

This is a sequel to Danthony 2013 I wrote yes, ten years ago lmao. You will be disappointed to learn I have not become a better writer lmaooo but I do still enjoy it so here ya go. I will add the original one so its a nice long read.

Also I'm very drunk so sorry in advance

2013

Dan felt Anthony’s arm loosely around his neck, as his own hand was searching for a spot on Anthony’s back that was as low as possible while still being acceptable to passers-by.

“It’s actually happening. It’s actually happening,” Dan kept on repeating in his mind. He might have blurted it out once or twice under his breath, while he and Phil were supporting the gorgeous young man and walked towards their hotel.

The last few months had been like a dream. At first there had been a lot of twitter messages, then texts, then Skype conversations. Dan had (easily) convinced Anthony to do an interview for Dan and Phil’s radio show. And Dan had bought a Wii U especially so he could play Mario Kart online with Anthony. Not that he would ever admit that. And now they had been partying, hard, together.

Dan heard Anthony breathe heavily. “Are you alright?” he stammered , still walking.

“Yeah” was all Anthony could manage.

“Shh, it’s OK”, Phil, who had his harm around Anthony’s shoulders and was his main support, said reassuringly. “We’ll be there soon”.

“Mmmmm”, said Anthony.

Anthony Padilla! The guy of Dan’s dreams. Maybe that sounded weird, but it was true. He had practically been pulled into YouTube by Anthony and Smosh. He liked that he looked somewhat similar to Anthony, and he was thrilled that Anthony’s first name was Daniel too (Anthony was his second name). How he wanted to be as cool as him! So outgoing, with an infectious laugh and beaming eyes. All Dan could manage was a proper and somewhat up-tight British thing, or whatever it was that he did. He genuinely didn’t like himself at all. Dan was unsociable and lazy. Anthony was approachable, even for Dan, and he was so hard-working. Dan had been crying, watching Anthony’s ‘draw my life’ video. He had started with nothing and made Smosh as big as it was now, by sheer work ethic and, of course, his charming personality.

“There, let me just get my keys”, Phil said, carefully placing Anthony’s right arm on Dan so that the two guys were practically hugging. They had arrived at the hotel and somehow got Anthony in and out the elevator to their room. Dan couldn’t help but laugh awkwardly. Anthony let his head rest on Dan’s shoulder, though, and Dan felt his hot breath in his neck. It made his hair stand up.

Dan had felt butterflies violently fluttering in his stomach all the way during their flight to Orlando. Phil was mostly excited about going to Sea World, though. Dan couldn’t help but feel warm and affectionate towards Phil, his cuter than cute best friend. He also felt very protective over him and wouldn’t leave his side. He had panicked internally when he and Cat had lost him for a few minutes in a restaurant the other day, although he would never show it. So right now, he was with the two persons in the whole world he wanted to be with most: Anthony and Phil.

Phil opened the door and said “Shall I call Kalel to tell her you’re here?”

“Hmmm”, was the agreeing noise Anthony made from Dan’s shoulder. Dan was still standing next to the door, not trying to move but not wanting to move either. Their body heat had merged and it felt incredibly comfortable.

“..yes, he’s pretty drunk, but we got him to the hotel safely. Yeah, that’s alright, have a nice night, see you tomorrow!” came Phil’s voice from the hallway. His innocent face appeared through the door and he said “Kalel will pick him up tomorrow morning. She’s still partying with her friends”. Dan and Phil slowly but steadily moved Anthony into their hotel room, and placed him on Dan’s bed.

“Thank you”, Anthony murmured, and he was gone. Sleeping like an angel, Dan thought. Phil smiled onesidedly and said “Americans just aren’t used to British drinking!” and he laughed, still a bit intoxicated himself. Dan beamed at him and ruffled his hair. Phil made a purring sound and went into the shower.

Dan stayed by Anthony’s side. He could watch him forever. So beautiful, his hair was perfect. Way more luscious than Dan’s hair would ever be. So shiny… Dan kneeled at Anthony’s bedside and slowly traced one lock of Anthony’s hair down his jawline. Dan sighed. “Thank you”, he whispered, to nobody in particular. He was just thankful that Anthony Padilla lay on his bed right now. A sudden jolt of adrenaline hit him. Did he dare? He bit his lip and slowly released it, then traced his upper lip with his tongue. He inched closer to Anthony’s face. Anthony’s perfect, angelic sleeping face.

Dan looked at Anthony’s mouth. It was curled in a peaceful sleepy half-smile. His cheeks were still red. Dan just did it. Really quick. He kissed Anthony’s cheek. If he felt adrenaline before, it was nothing to what he was feeling now. Things seemed to move in slow motion. He bent over Anthony again and placed a kiss on his lips. He let go, but then he kissed him again, longer now and softer. Anthony moaned softly in his sleep and Dan was horrified for a moment, and just froze in position, but then Anthony kissed him back - kissed him back - and moaned some more. Dan couldn’t believe himself but he was beyond glad that Anthony was still asleep. He was starting to realize what he was doing though and sat up fast, face flushing scarlet, touching his own lips incredulously.

“Wha-, what did I just do?”, he whispered.

After a while, Phil returned from the shower, shirtless, and still drying his hair with a towel. “The shower is yours”, he said sweetly. Dan had been frozen in place with his finger still on his lips. He mechanically got up and went into the shower.

Dan didn’t sleep all night. His body was surging with emotions and went from manically rejoicing to horrified despair. He couldn’t even lie down. He just rocked back and forth on the floor. After what he had done, he physically couldn’t get into the same bed as Anthony, but he couldn’t join Phil either because he would notice that he was tense. “It actually happened. This actually happened”, Dan whispered to himself.

“Hiiii sweety!!” Kalel said to her boyfriend as she came into the room. The three guys were just having breakfast but Phil had got up to let her in.

“Baby!” Anthony said with his mock sweet voice and he fluttered his eye lashes. Dan laughed but then stopped and looked mortified of guilt. Nobody noticed though.

“How was your night with the English folk? A bit too much for you, eh?” Kalel teased.

“It certainly was fun!” Anthony said, smiling.

“Let’s do that again sometime, Dan and Phil! Maybe we will come visit you guys in London on our next holiday!”

“That would be awesome!” Phil replied.

“Thanks guys, for keeping my boy safe and sound” said Kalel and she kissed them both on the cheek. Dan’s face flushed again.

“Aww, isn’t he cute!” Kalel laughed.

“He’s adorable. They both are”, said Anthony. “I could just kiss them!” he jokingly added, and Dan thought he couldn’t be more horrified but he could, because suddenly Anthony looked at him funny, like he remembered something, and his face went red too, but he then shook his head and he and Kalel left, promising to play some more Mario Kart online in a few days.

Phil saw Dan sitting with a vacant expression and he was worried. He felt so protective over his best friend. He knew Dan secretly liked Anthony and seeing him go again must have made him sad. So Phil sat down next to him and put his arm around him. Dan’s chest heaved and he began to cry. He buried himself into Phil’s warm embrace and Phil held him close.

“You’re the best friend in the world”, Dan sobbed.

“So are you”, Phil said. Dan couldn’t believe he was crying, when he had the best person in the world sitting next to him, comforting him after he yet again had made a fool of himself. He loved Phil more than ever. Dan felt Phil’s arms around his waist, as his own hands were placed around Phil’s back. It felt right. They sat there, embracing, for a long time.

2023

Anthony was in Prague. The ancient city intrigued him, enticed him to explore and feel nostalgic. Who lived here hundreds or even thousands of years ago? Had they led nice lives? Were they fulfilled, and did they reach their full potential?

Anthony always worried about living up to his potential. Growing up poor had done that to him. Even though he would never have money problems again, he always felt an innate need to work hard, harder, and never stop... To remind himself of what really mattered, the intangible things, the humanity of life, he had set some very personal and meaningful tattoos. They reminded him every day. Yes, he was still a workaholic. But it wasn't toxic anymore. He was happy to get out of bed each morning and loved his life and his job. It wasn't even a real job, he just showed up and enjoyed himself. What a life!

Of course, in the back of Anthony's mind there still loomed some darkness. It had taken him years to get to this place of wellbeing. He still faced the ghost of his past sometimes when he had flardes of memory flashing before his eyes, of the time when his emotions were all wrapped up and he had truly been mentally unwell.

Do I deserve this happiness?

Anthony didn't know. After his tattoos had been updated and expanded, he took the flight back to LA, a place so familiar but also a mixed bag for Anthony when it came to where he really wanted to live. Prague seemed so much more peaceful. Yet LA was the place he could do his job and where all his friends and family lived.

He sighed as he got on the plane, dressed in a tracksuit and with only a weekend bag of his clothes and some protein bars.

The weather was awful. Rain streamed against the plane window, and Anthony was suddenly overcome with the most random of feelings: two soft, warm lips on his, an alcohol filled night, and those lips they had rejuvenated him, lit a fire under him that had sustained him for years. Whose were they? He involuntarily blushed and shook his head as if to rid himself of the thought. Was it a memory? A fantasy?

"We are making an emergency landing at London Heathrow Airport," the pilot said after a few hours of stressful turbulence.

"Ugh, just my luck... well, I shouldn't complain. I'm healthy, I have a roof over my head, I'm well fed, I have many loved ones... focus, Anthony. You didn't want to leave Europe just yet anyway." Anthony hyped himself up and made a plan.

When he got out of the plane, he immediately called his old friend Dan.

"Hi, yeah, it's me. So yeah, my plane made an emergency landing! Yeah, it sure was scary! Would it be okay if I crashed at your guys' place? Oh, Phil isn't there? Well then, I could have his bed? Hahahahha just kidding. I will gladly sleep in your guest room. Thanks so much, Dan. See you in a bit then."

Anthony smiled to himself. Of all his youtuber friends, Dan was a special one. For one, Anthony knew Dan had a major crush on him. He had made that know very plainly last year. Anthony didn't mind, Dan was hardly the only guy lusting after him. But Dan also had something else. He had a delicate quality to him that Anthony could not quite pinpoint. Maybe it was his eyes. They looked feminine somehow and very pretty... Anthony shook his head again.

"Chill out, Anthony, those days are behind you..."

The cab arrived at Dan and Phil's house and Dan greeted Anthony at the port.

"Anthony!"

"So nice to see you, Dan!"

They hugged. Dan smelled sweet, like flowers.

"I guess this is a sleepover! Just kidding, unless... hahaha I am actually kidding, of course you just want a place to stay until your plane leaves for America. Oh no, I've made it weird..."

"You're so cute when you're flustered."

Anthony was pushing his luck, but he knew how hot he was and how he made both women and men squirm under his gaze.

"Shut up. Shut.. hahaha, you're kidding, haa. I know what you're doing, Anthony. You need to stop. Hahaha, or continue..."

"Just show me my bedroom, and I will not bother you until tomorrow morning." Anthony winked at Dan, who winked back and then looked mortified. Anthony couldn't help but laugh.

Dan lived in a very nice new neighborhood with white houses, young trees, and a lot of posh cats, lurking in the twilight outside. It was very different than the old city of Prague. But Anthony felt himself wonder the same things. Do people here feel fulfilled, are they living up to their potential? Are they happy?

Dan showed Anthony his room and Anthony dropped his stuff there. He actually didn't feel like sleeping just yet, however tired he may be.

"Are you in for a Smash Brothers rematch for old times sake?" Anthony asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"I thought you would never ask," Dan said grinning and he led Anthony to the gaming room which had a mini fridge stocked with hard liquor, from which they drank, negatively influencing their game performances. But it felt good, comfortable to goof around with Dan. Anthony started to feel sleepy. Then that vision or rather feeling hit him again: warm, soft lips, a sweet smell...

Anthony froze.

"What's the matter, Anthony?"

"Was it you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have you ever kissed me?"

Silence. Anthony looked at Dan, who looked pale, like a deer in headlights.

"So you HAVE kissed me. But when, where, how? It's driving me crazy."

"I... I..." Dan was having a breakdown, Anthony could tell, and he secretly reveled once again in making the other guy sweat and blush. But also, all his memories now fell into place. It had been at a night during Vidcon, he'd spent the night at Dan's hotel room. It was Dan. Dan had kissed him with those exquisite lips. Anthony's world was spinning. Was this missing from my own life? Will I finally be truly happy?

"Hey," Anthony said softly, laying a hand on Dan's shoulder. He had just won, so he didn't mind letting go of the controllers. "It's okay, I'm not mad or anything. It's just that I have this memory. God, it's so long ago, we were both still babies. I remember the feeling of warm lips against mine, and it felt very nice, actually."

Dan had overcome his episode apparently but now he looked very serious.

"Please Anthony, don't play with my heart like this. You're straight I get it. I didn't know at the time, I didn't. And still it's inexcusable, it wasn't consensual, it was a foolish thing to do. I'll accept whatever you decide to be my punishment."

"Hey..."

Anthony had to tell him.

"You know, you triggered something there. A feeling I had to explore. I hooked up with guys a couple of times, but it just wasn't the same, you know? So I figured I must be straight. But it was you. Do you mind if I tried this one more time?"

And he leaned in to Dan who sat next to him on the couch. Dan was searing hot and radiating his heat in all directions. He was very cute.

"Please, Dan. I just want to feel your lips once more..."

Trembling, Dan leaned in as well, and it was fireworks. Nothing Anthony had ever experienced with a girl or with a guy. This was heaven. He tugged on Dan's shirt to get him closer. He breathed in that sweet scent. He pushed his tongue inside Dan's mouth, Dan moaning in confused pleasure. He would fuck Dan Howell tonight.

Anthony broke their kiss and took his shirt off in front of Dan, who looked like he saw God himself.

"Dan, please undress."

Dan unbuttoned his black shirt, revealing a smooth olive skin, feminine just like his eyes. Anthony twitched in his pants so he undid his lid.

"Can you take my pants off?"

"Sure, I'll get right to-"

"No, not with your hands. With your mouth."

Anthony was having way too much fun, delighting in Dan actually obliging and taking his pants off with his mouth.

He undid his boxers himself and sat back down on the couch.

"Can you put that cute mouth to good use, Dan?" He asked, gesturing to his dick. Dan immediately sat down on his knees between Anthony's legs and began to suck on his cock. Anthony let his head rest back against the couch as he felt Dan work for him, tongue spiraling as he sucked, panting for breath now and again. It felt delicious.

"WELL, I guess I'm not straight then!" Anthony smiled. This had been the missing puzzle piece. Getting sucked off by random guys had felt gross, but Dan doing it, with those lips he knew from a blissful fever dream, felt absolutely right. More forceful than a girl would do, but still gentle enough not to hurt him.

"Dan, I'm getting there.."

Not much longer, he came into Dan's mouth.

"Swallow. Good boy," Anthony commanded. After his plane adventure and these new revelations, he felt sleep overcome him.

He woke up and realized he was tied up, face down to his bed and gagged.

"You wanted this, right?"

Dan awkwardly held a whip and looked terrified, but determined.

"I will train you."

Dan got on the bed and proceeded to stir something that was apparently already inside Anthony's ass.

"Now, relax and I will enter you."

"Hggg"

"Don't talk, Anthony, let me do everything for you."

The stirring continued, and then something exited, and Dan entered. That much Anthony was certain off even though he couldn't see. Dan was big. Anthony's ass felt like it was on fire. He moaned into his gag and fantasized he had another very specific cock in his mouth. It made him crazy and he thrusted his ass against Dan's crotch. Dan quickly came and bit Anthony neck softly, breathing heavily and relaxing against him. He undid the ties and gag.

"You bad boy," Anthony teased.

"You liked it, don't lie," Dan joked nervously.

"I did, I'm ready for another round."

Anthony was a lot stronger than Dan, especially when he was actually awake. He pushed Dan face down into the mattress and stuck two fingers in his ass. Dan screamed in pleasure.

"You look so hot when you're asleep," Dan confessed.

"And you look hot when you're defenseless and pathetic against my strength. He pushed Dan further into the bed. He took out his fingers and penetrated Dan deep into his rectum. Dan screamed.

"Tsk tsk. What will the neighbors say?"

"I'm so sorry, so sorry, Anthony. Please, please come inside me.

Anthony lasted for quite some time. Maybe because he was spacing out while fucking Dan. He realized how fulfilled he was, how he could apply this new mental peace to the rest of his life, to become a better and greater version of himself. OH god that felt good, Dan moaned just a little louder, maybe he felt Anthony disengaging. But he was back, back inside, back on task. Yes, this was amazing. 

Anthony exploded once more and let Dan lay there on his bed, cum dripping out of him.

[whoabo]

paper rings.

pairings: bo burnham x reader

readers pronouns: she/her

warnings: none. just fluff <3 there is one time jump from like the what. era to eighth grade era. also an elsie cameo !!

era: directorial debut / eighth grade (2018-2019)

a/n: this is loosely based off paper rings by taylor swift. i also might write something like similar this but with zach stone cuz it’s just cute <3 also the ending sucks so sorry lmao anyways.. ily ok bye.

(november, 2013. los angles)

he didn’t tell her he was coming home earlier than expected. he wanted to surprise her, after all he was gone for about three months. the only form of contact was shitty facetime chats.

he dragged his suitcase behind him as he walked up the path to their front door. the lights shined through the windows, no doubt from the living room.

he could only imagine she was laying down on the couch, the throw blanket sprawled out against her and some random movie playing.

his heart started to hammer as he walked closer to the door. his hand dug around in his pocket searching for his house key.

as his hand reached for the doorknob, the door swung open.

“bo!”

before he knew it, she practically launched herself onto him. he laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up a tad for a small spin.

“oh my god, i missed you so much.” he spoke, his words sounded the smallest bit muffled by him resting his head on top of hers.

her grip tightened as he set her down. his back hunched as they hugged for a few more moments.

she pulled away and smiled at him. she grabbed his suitcase and walked into the house with him. he made a beeline for the couch.

he was right, the throw blanket was moved as if it was being used. and on the tv showcased some movie she must’ve played on netflix.

she rolled his suitcase by the door and walked over to the couch. he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his chest.

“missed you so much, it’s gross.” he stated, his small laugh breaking the sentence a little. she chuckled and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

a pleasant silence fell upon them as they watched tv. occasionally talking about the scene, a joke bo thought of, or when the other would move to get more comfortable.

after about an hour after the movie playing, and pressing on another. the two slowly moved toward the bedroom.

planning on doing the same thing in the living room, but in the comfort of their bed.

“oh shit, almost forgot.” bo spoke as he walked away from the dresser. he grabbed her hands and guided her to sit on the edge of the bed with him.

“i uh, i made you something while i was on tour. i was in a mood where i was really missing you and felt like i was dying from ennui. so while on the—.”

“sorry, hold on. what the fuck is ‘ennui’?” she interrupted.

bo laughed, “it basically means bored or boredom. i learned it while on tour and it’s fun to say, so yeah. but uhm, anyways. while i was on the tour bus, i made you this.”

he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. sitting in one of the credit card slots laid a little paper ring, a folded heart right in the middle. almost like it was mimicking a diamond.

he held it out on his palm. it was a soft green color, but white spots were scattered around. most likely from him coloring it with a marker he found.

“it’s not much, but.. uhm. okay, this is gonna sound really weird, so tell me if it makes you uncomfortable at all.” he spoke as one of his hands ran through his hair as the other held out the paper ring.

“i know i don’t have a lot of money right now, but i wanted to give you something that shows how much i love you. but i didn’t have enough money to buy a promise ring, so the only thing i could think of was making this. i had to look up a tutorial on youtube and it took like ten tries, but you know..” he trailed off looking at his feet when she took the ring from his hand.

she smiled looking at it. “which finger do i put it on?”

relief washed through bo’s body, as a feeling of shivers ran through his spine.

he grabbed her hand as he began to speak again. “i think you put it on your left ring finger, and then we replace it with an engagement ring and then wedding ring.” he slid the paper ring onto her finger and linked their hands together. he had to be gentle considering it is a ring made out of paper.

“so, you’ve thought about marrying me?” she laughed softly, her head resting on his shoulder.

he nodded as he laid his head on top of hers shortly after. “all the time. i like to think about what kinda dress you’d wear, our first dance, our cake, and eventually our honeymoon.”

he spoke the last word in a jokingly over the top sexual tone, making her laugh.

she looked at her hand and sighed contently. bo placed a kiss on her temple and her cheek.

she looked at him and took off the ring. “i think it would be safer to put this on a chain, like a necklace.”

he nodded as he watched her place it on the nightstand. she looked back at him before jumping on him, sending them back into the bed.

“i love you, y/n.”

“i love you too, bo.”

(august, 2018. los angles)

the two stood holding drinks at the wrap party for eighth grade. they were really the only ones with drinks, considering the majority of the cast are teenagers. the crew was there, yeah, but not many people were drinking.

“i feel weird.” bo said as he set down his beer bottle. y/n looked over at him with her eyebrows furrowed.

her hand rested on his shoulder, “what’s wrong? like, do you feel sick or something?” she asked as she kept seeing him fidget with his fingers.

he shook his head as his eyes landed on her necklace. the green paper ring hung from the chain, resting between her collarbones. his fingers reached out and started playing with the paper. his heart swelled as he remembered when he gave it to her.

he looked over at the people, all of them mingling talking with on another. he saw elsie— who’s become his little sister during this production. he saw a couple camera men, other cast members.

he looked back towards y/n. “ can we go outside, real quick?” he spoke softly, leaning over to so she can hear him. she nodded and grabbed his hand.

as the two made it outside, bo felt like he could finally breathe. there was maybe one or two people outside but pretty far away from them.

he stuffed his hands into his dress pants’ pockets. he leaned faints the building, closing his eyes as he leaned his head back.

y/n walked over to him, wrapping herself around his torso. his arms— almost absentmindedly— circled around her shoulders.

“do you remember when i came home from tour one year, and i gave you that promise paper ring?” he asked, his eyes remaining closed.

she nodded her head and smiled. “yeah, you looked so nervous. it was cute.” her hand moved to play with the chain of the necklace. the ring being to fragile over the years to fiddle with exactly.

he cleared his throat when he continued. “so, do you remember when i told you that i used to think about our future wedding all the time?”

her eyebrows furrowed as she looked up at him. all most like he could feel her gaze, he opened his eyes and looked down at her.

he stepped away from the wall and grabbed her hands. he looked into her eyes, as his felt like they were burning.

he dug his hand into the inside pocket of his blazer, pulling out something small and cool around his palm. her eyes widened as she saw it.

“i love you so much, y/n. more- more than anything in the entire world. you’ve helped me through so much and didn’t throw me to the curb even after the countless times i said you could. and i’m so glad you didn’t.” he spoke full heartedly.

“i feel like i should be on one knee—.”

“bo, you don’t have to get on—.”

“it would make it more romantic—.”

“i’m gonna laugh when you split your pants.”

“i am proposing to you, and you insult me?” he chuckled as he fell to one knee. “anyway.. i love you. so fucking much, it hurts. when i’m away from you, i.. i’m a miserable bitch, to be blunt. i wanna give you my last name. it’ll make me the happiest man on earth knowing that you’ll be mine for the rest of our lives. so, y/n l/n; will you please marry me?”

his eyes teared up as she nodded, “yes, holy shit! yes!” she spoke as she bent down the slightest bit to kiss him. they both smiled during the kiss. tears streamed down their cheeks as they pulled apart.

he slid the ring onto her finger before fully standing up. “are my pants ripped?”

“no, you’re good, babe.”

“okay, good.” he spoke as he held her hand looking at the ring. over the years he had finally been able to buy her an actual ring, one that she adores.

“and as for the last name thing, i’m so sorry that it’s gonna be burnham. fucking burnt ham, jesus.” he joked as he pressed a kiss to her temple.

after about fifteen minutes of the two basking in the glory of being newly engaged, they decided to walk back into the party.

as they reached their table, elsie ran with a big smile on her face.

“did you do it, please tell me you did it!” she gushed.

bo laughed and nodded. elsie gasped and looked at her ring.

“hold on, you knew he was gonna propose?” y/n asked looking at elsie with a smile on her face.

she nodded and continued to look at the ring. “and you didn’t tell me?”

“i told her not to, marriage proposals should be a surprise, honey.” bo stated as he held her hands again.

elsie had walked away going back to talking to other people. bo and y/n sat at their table just in pure bliss.

“fuck, we’re getting married.” bo said.

“can we make bruce the ring barrier?”

[harryskalechips]

Hung up high in the gallery

A/N Hello I am back with an angsty story! I would like to call out an anon who gave me this idea! Sadly I made it turn into a depressing one-shot LMAO Anyways, please enjoy!

Harry and Jeff decide to spend their Friday night at a mysterious art opening. Harry starts to realize though that maybe these photos have a deeper meaning than he originally thought. 

Word count 2350

“Look, dude, I know you’re busy on Friday nights writing music and all but why won’t you come to an art opening with me? Glenne is feeling sick and I was invited to go.” Jeff suggests as he talks to Harry through the phone. Harry was just laying on his couch, watching an old episode of friends.

“I mean… yeah, sure. I’m not doing much anyway.”

“Really? Wow, never thought it would be this easy to pull you out of your house.”

“Funny.” Harry sarcastically laughs as he finally sits up on his couch so he can make his way into his bedroom.

“Okay, how about I text you the address and we meet up? Let’s say at 6:30.”

“Wait, Jeff, what are we supposed to wear?” The thing about Harry is that he can go to events every night and they can all be the same ones but he wouldn’t know what to wear to an art opening.

“Wear whatever you want,” Jeff replies. He didn’t know who was the artist they were going to see but since he knew the gallery owner, he was automatically invited to these things.

~

Harry’s eyes light up a bit as he catches Jeff exiting out of his car. Doing the same, he meets his friend in the middle of the entrance right before they enter the building. “I can’t believe I’m your date tonight.” Harry teases as he hugs his best friend.

“Yeah, thanks, babe.” Jeff laughs along.

As they stepped inside, they noticed that they were at an art opening for a new photographer. Photographs of different colours and moods were framed on the white walls with a spotlight on each. They were beautiful and nonetheless carried a story each individually.

The boys were separated a bit throughout the night as Jeff was pulled into conversations with his father’s old pals. Harry entertained some guests who were driven to get to know him because of his fame. A glass of champagne and another, a few appetizers here and there and Harry was now completely bored.

He walked around by himself throughout the gallery. He didn’t want to pull Jeff out of his social circle nor did he want to stick around next to him like a regular date. The weird thing about this art opening was the artist.

They never presented themselves during the introduction of the night nor was their name plastered anywhere. It was kind of suspicious, Harry thought to himself. Maybe they’ll present themselves at the end of the night or something? He didn’t even realize he was entering a new hallway that led to an enclosed room. A couple smiles at him as they walk out leaving him to look around the room with a new set of pictures.

He was the only man in the room as he heard the soft music and conversation going on in the main hall. Looking around, he quickly notices how each picture around the room starts to lose colour until it’s just black and grey.  What were these photos even about?

Starting at the right side of the room, he looks at the first photo with the most colour. It was a picture of a lot of flowers. It was a bit messy too but he started to notice that the flowers looked familiar. It kind of clicked when he realized that each flower he had a shirt of. Weird really, how the photo yelled at him. The title of the picture was just called Colourful. It was a basic name for a picture that showed so much mayhem. So much excitement.

He carried on through the range of photos, there were only ten but he took all his time in the world observing each one. How each photo gave him flashbacks. Specifically flashbacks of his time in New York.

During his time in One Direction around 2014, he lived in New York a bit. He bought himself a decent-sized penthouse and explored a bit during his time off. Went to every cliché place in the city, went to too many fancy events and fashion shows. Probably dated a lot of models too but he knew they were all flings anyway. It was because he met one girl at this coffee shop near his place.

Her name was Y/N. She loved photography probably as much as this artist right now. She had dreams in a busy city. She was still in university but despite both of their busy schedules, they managed to date for a whole year. He was so in love with her.

As Harry noticed he was eyeing the third photograph for too long, he started to wonder if this was her art opening. But how could that be possible anyways? Last time he remembered she wasn’t making much off her passion. She was becoming pessimistic with all the unlimited rejection New York City had to offer her. It would make his mind go crazy if she flew across America to start her career here. He knew she was damn well talented but he doesn’t think he can handle that idea if it were true.

If another person would observe these photos, they would call these pictures beautiful and deep but in reality, the artist knew that they wouldn’t understand anything from this specific collection. No one should. Yes, art is subjective and can be interpreted in many ways but no one would ever realize that the arrangement of photos showed the artist’s journey...in love.

Harry walks back to the second photo before moving on in the line, noticing that each specific detail seems to make him uncomfortable. After the random pictures of flowers, the next photo showed coffee beans sprinkled with glitter on a table? The mood? Energized. Childlike. The name? Addicted. The third photo showed a pair of stereotypical chelsea boots laying recklessly on a carpet with popcorn all over the floor. The mood? Unknown. The name? Comfortable. The fourth photo displayed a flame in a forest all alone with stars above. The mood? Intimate. The name? Ignited. The fifth photo, however, was different from the other four as the colour was the most saturated than the rest. A very big difference that catches a person’s attention. How he thought the colour was decreasing throughout each photo but now this proves him wrong. It was a picture of a girl’s hand in a man’s hair. The mood? Sexual. The name? S. S? Harry makes a face of confusion. The artist clearly took a photo while she was receiving oral pleasure. Harry thought to himself. This artist has to be a girl. The title… she has to be referring to sex.

 The next 5 photos, however, took a turn as they showed a depressing mood. They slowly turned to black and white. The sixth photo was a bunch of shoes on one side of a sidewalk all facing one way. The seventh photo showed a glass wine with a goldfish inside with a little hole with water pouring out. The eighth photo showed the fourth picture but the trees no longer had leaves. The stars were gone and the flame has diminished. The ninth photo showed a simple white bed with the title Miss. The last photo was a picture of the artist’s neck. Oh, she is a girl. It was a picture of her holding a necklace with her fist covering the charm but you see Harry took his time to stare at the photo longer. In between her digits, was a sight of a ring. A ring he knew too well. A ring he gave to Y/N. The title? In love.

“Hi! Would you like to come to the main presentation room now? The photographer will be introducing herself.” Harry turns himself immediately to catch the girl who interrupted his thought process.

“Y/N.” He mumbles as he stands still, completely in shock. So she was here.

“Oh, Harry! It’s so nice to see you again. I-uh I didn’t realize you would be here tonight?” She smiles warmly as she tries to cover up her stutter. She was all dolled up. Her hair was curled nicely. She was wearing a simple white flowy dress with sparkly heels.  She walks towards him and gives him a good hug.

“So, you’re the artist huh?” He tries to make his heart stop beating fast. It’s been five years, why is he acting unstable?

“That was actually supposed to be a secret but yeah, I am.” She smiles sweetly as she looks around the room he’s been standing in. “Oh, were you looking at this collection?” She crosses her arms and looks around the room of pictures. So, her photos in this collection weren’t exactly groundbreaking like the rest but she wanted to showcase this one too because it made her who she is.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful work Y/N.”

“Thank you.”

“Can you explain the whole story?” Harry bit his cheek a bit as he carefully watched her. He wanted her to admit that these photos were somehow about him. How could it not be? The photo of the flowers, his Chelsea boots, the model’s hair in between her thighs, the sidewalk… that had to be the paparazzi. The rest of the photos were metaphors except for the last one because he couldn’t understand it. In love? Why was it the last photo after all the depressing ones? Why was it black and white?

“Of these photos?” She laughs in shock. “I can’t. You need to interpret them.” She looks back at him and takes a big swallow.

“Well correct me if I’m wrong but these photos seem to be about us.” The mood Y/N brought along with her suddenly fell. She somehow forgot she had to introduce herself to the rest of her visitors as she stood in front of a man who changed her life.

“Why do you say that?” She doesn’t even try to correct him! Harry smirks to himself as he watches her fidget.

“I was there throughout each step of our relationship. Also this last photo,” He walks closer towards it and points at her fingers. “That ring, I bought it in a vintage shop in Paris in 2013. I gave it to you the first fight we had.” She glares at him for a few seconds before speaking out.

“Yeah.” She gives up and lets out an exhale. “You’re right. This collection is about us.” Harry couldn’t even properly listen to her as he stared coldly at her bare neck.

“Wow, can’t believe you dedicated a whole collection for our story.” He laughs and walks towards the fifth photo. Y/N stands silently, just watching him “You’re really clever. The title is S. We all know that meant sex.” He laughs out loud as he looks at her. Was it obvious he was trying to not talk about the depressing side of their love story? How this whole collection showed why their love stood no chance against his fame.

“The title S. actually doesn’t stand for sex.” She shakes her head and smirks. “It stands for Styles.” Now that made his laugh disappear. He realized that there was no way he can find humour in this whole collection because the truth is what happened between them was sad. It was sad to the point, he had to force himself to forget about her. How was that possible! Ever since New York. Track 8 on HS1.

“Oh.”

“Wondering about the colour difference?” She takes a seat on the lonely beach and offers him to sit beside her. He takes a seat without looking at her. He only looks at the picture of the paparazzi. He knew they were the reason. The reason he grew overprotective of her. The reason that he knew so well of what broke them apart.

“Yeah.”

“Many people won’t understand what’s going on this whole series. They think that the colour is probably my love that slowly drains out.” She pauses a bit and looks behind her to make sure no one can hear her. “But the truth is, the colour represents my fear. In the beginning when I first met you. I was scared to get to know you more. My head was in a party of different emotions. Different voices in my head. Just ultimate chaos, you know? But that slowly disappeared as I fell in love with you. That picture,” She points at the fourth one with the fire pit. “You ignited something in me. I felt reassurance that you would take care of me and love me the same way but as the fifth photo shows, all that fear came back rushing into me as we spent our first night sleeping together. I guess you can say S. does mean sex but I named it after you because when you were asleep in my sheets that night all I can think about is your name and who you truly are.”

“If you noticed, the colour is strongly decreasing for the rest of the photos. You know, despite the most hurtful part of our relationship that was so exhausting and stressful, I was still in love with you. I no longer had fear. I was no longer scared to admit to everyone that I was in love with you even though all this sad metaphorical shit represents us. I guess the last photo shows that I am in love with you even everything we went through. You get the vibe right?” She tearfully smiles at Harry as she notices he’s already looking at her.

“I’m sorry about what happened between us.” he takes a hold of her hand looks at her.

“It’s okay, it’s been five years. I’m okay now.” She laughs it off but he still knows her like the back of his hand. He knew there had to be something still there in between him but what happens if that’s a lie and it’s all in his head?

Something inside Harry that he kept buried in his heart began to grow pressure. It felt like his heart was actually aching like it was about to explode. What happens if I’m not? What happens if I tell you right now I’m still in love with you! “Yeah, five years. I’m okay now too.” He lies.

[mcrmadness]

Lol I had the wildest die ärzte dream in a while :D:D:D

Okay here we go: I had forgotten to check Bademeister.com and when I went there, there was a link and a new music video. It started from some sort of log house, like a vacation resort you can find from Canada or from somewhere else on the mountains. But I think it was actually in Switzerland. It was this lobby with a fireplace and everything looked warm and nice, lots of dark red wood (like red as in wood color, not actual red) everywhere, the camera was spinning very slowly from left to right, revealing that there were people sitting in a circle on chairsm, with some of them having guitars on their laps. One of these people was Rod. He looked slightly like he did in Schrei nach Liebe video, with a fake beard. I don’t remember if there was music yet.

The camera kept turning to the right and I just started wondering: where are Bela and Farin? When I finally saw them. They were standing behind this reception desk, Farin was either taking care of the cash register or wiping the counter (which was black marble, wood was again dark brown). Bela was a few meters closer and he was just dancing his brains out there. Then he just ran towards Farin, grabbed his hand and they started spinning around really fast, bit like how Jack and Rose did in Titanic when they were dancing. I’m not sure if there was a third man involved because I couldn’t see properly, but then they stopped and Bela “cried” because they were spinning around way too fast, and Farin was stroking his back. They were wearing their normal black clothes and the hairs looked like it was from 2013/2013 era. There were also other people behind the desk but I didn’t care to look at them that much.

Next Bela and Farin just stood there with their backs towards a curtain that was behind them, there were also some boxes between them and the curtain, and they were holding hands and looking around cautiously and just started to back away towards the curtain. I think the curtain was turquoise in color? Either that or some dark warm color to go together with all the dark brown wood, but anyway they just backed away and once they were close enough, they slipped through the curtain to the back rooms. I think it was where you got to the staff’s rooms as it was still a vacation resort/hotel.

Then the scenery changed. The curtain was more like a portal to some other place. It looked like a desert but more like a video game desert? There were stuff and buildings but I can’t see them clearly. Two other men, who I don’t know, came out or went through the curtains and then I saw Bela and Farin running out from there, still holding hands and looking super happy. At this point I think there was music already, and it was clear that they were not themselves but more like playing characters of the music video. They even went by some character names, the first thing to come to my mind when I woke up was that they would have been called “Dolannes” and “Melodie” but I’m not sure. (I checked my music library now and I don’t know what that song is, I just know Alleine Economy was named that and that there’s also some live cover of a song with the same name, idk if it’s an actual cover or what.)

To be continued... (under the read more link lol, my dreams are sometimes very long adventures :D)

There was actually lots of people in the area. But everyone was from different medias, like tv series or movies. I can’t see properly who they were and from where but everyone was like some weird die ärzte alternative universe version. If you know those movies or tv series when they hire someone almost a lookalike to play a character and for a moment everything looks normal until you see it and it’s confusing instead. Like you expect it to be THE character but then you realize it’s not? Everyone in the dream - apart from Bela and Farin as their characters, was like that. And thanks to Tumblr (and one old online friend who loves the series and has talked about it to me a lot in the past!) - I have never watched Supernatural in my life and yet there was suddenly a camera close-up looking at someone laying on the ground and when they lifted their head, it was Castiel from said tv series. But he didn’t look like the actor, it was yet again some alternative universe version. I just remember being like “no NOT YOU AGAIN, NOT IN A die ärzte VIDEO???” because I have already filtered the tags on Tumblr and yet can’t get away from all this. And then even dä had the show in their new video lmao. But then I was also finding it hilarious because apparently Bela knew his media XD

Anyway, at some point there was also someone flying, like a super hero, and floating down from the air but I only could see legs and a part of a cape. I think it was a she, but the style was like old Superman comic who were tights etc. There were people gathered around her on the ground, looking up at her. I think at some point everything started to make sense and that place was like some promised land and paradise of “gays who never got to be openly and accepted gays in their medias”. So they could go through that curtain and go into this gay paradise and be happy there lmao. And this was some... weird die ärzte against homophobia plotline that you saw if you were open minded. This whole dream has bit of the color scheme of their M&F video, too. The curtains, if they were turquoise, at least were the same color as the background in the video.

I then remember being at my parents’ house and I was watching the video from my laptop and as the song was playing, I just said to my brother “This is the new die ärzte song.” I could hear the song so clearly in my head, it did not sound like dä at all, it was very slow-paced, almost some art rock sounding, kinda eerie piece. There was vocals but they did not sound like any of them, so my brother just answered that he thought it was some other band - he said the name but I don’t remember it, I don’t think that was even a real and - and I was then thinking out loud that this could actually be a Rod song if he wanted to make a much more experimental song this time.

Then it changed and got zoomed out and showed a map. It was like an European/world map but it was different from the actual map, but it showed Rod was in Switzerland and that was the only part that looked realistic. Bela was actually heading to West and Farin was going to somewhere that looked like the below part of Finland but it was around the area of Middle East, yet it said Farin’s going on an adventure to the Artcic Circle next.

***

Next thing I know was me making a Tumblr post, I just remember writing there:

The new dä video

*video here but I didn’t have the link yet and needed to find it first*

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

And as I was typing those emojis, somehow it turned into me typing a text message or something with my phone and I couldn’t get those emojis out at all, somehow they all were just different emojis portraying old grandmas. And one was even a image of my cousin making a stupid face and I don’t know where did that come from cos I don’t even have her photos in my phone :DDD

I also dreamt about Tumblr: yesterday I actually did the post about how you can send me dä related art requests and I dreamt that my ask box was filled with requests. Lots of people were also sending me just emojis, like thumbs up emoji or something. And then one and the oldest of the asks was someone asking me what is a rhubarb pie and if I can make a post about Finnish rhubarb pie, and so I did.

[jamaisjoons]

everythingoes | kth & jjk

Summary: He is all the things you feel when fireworks light up the night sky. But everything is momentary and everything fades, just like those very same fireworks.

Pairing: Fuckboy!Taehyung x Reader; Jungkook x Reader

Genre: ANGST, so much fucking angst, smut, (barely there) fluff

Word Count: 24k

Warnings: cheating, sweet taehyung being a dick (I’m sorry tiger cub, I love you), a toxic relationship, possessive Taehyung, sex while semi-intoxicated (they can still consent), oral (fem and male receiving), panty play? I think, taehyung with a monster schlong, deep throating, face fucking, dirty talk, breast play, very slight cock/body worship, face sitting/riding, squirting, cum eating, riding, taehyung having a crazy amount of stamina, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, spanking, forced orgasm, creampie, slight breeding kink

A/N: Highkey, I was listening to mono when I came up with this plot and then when I was typing a certain scene. I wonder if you can guess exactly what scene that is lmao. In other news, this AU fried my last remaining brain cell and honestly I just want to rest for three years. My fingers are practically number from typing. UNEDITED because I’m DONE with it (for now). I’ll edit when my brain cells regenerate

You sat in the corner of the lecture room, trying your hardest to focus on the reading material in front of you. Usually, you barely paid attention in lectures, preferring to scroll through social media. It wasn’t that you were a bad student, in most classes, you would pay attention. The sole reason for your lack of attention in this one class was due to the professor reading off the slides, word for word. She never explained anything further and therefore her lectures were as boring as boring could get. But it also meant that you could do what you want and not miss a single thing.

So why was it that you were trying so hard to pay attention, this particular lecture?

You heard a small giggle and stiffened in your seat, the sound causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. You grit your teeth and slid further down into your seat, trying to make yourself as small as possible. Thatwas the reason for your sudden attention to the Professor’s material. You glared at the screen, trying your hardest to keep your eyes from wandering away from your screen. However, when a deep chuckle followed, you couldn’t help but chance a glance. It was almost as if you were drawn to the sound, completely ensnared by the deep throaty laugh. Almost like the temptation of a siren’s song.

And then it was as if you couldn’t look away.

Try as you might, you can’t seem to break your gaze away from him. No, instead you take in the sight of from your seat. You’re currently at the back of the lecturer room, as far into the corner as you could be and your seat gives you the perfect view of him. Or well, technically a perfect view of the back of his head and side profile. With a slight wave of nostalgia, you realise he’s growing out his hair again and there are signs of the cutest mullet. The locks by the nape of his neck stick out in different directions and for a brief moment you get irresistible urge to run your fingers through them. His hair, unlike two weeks ago, was bleached to a light shade of blonde and while you love his natural hair best, you can’t help but think he looks devilishly handsome.

You had met Kim Taehyung six years ago, when the both of you were sixteen. Of course, you had known of Taehyung throughout the entirety of your high school career. He was the highschool heartthrob, the most beautiful boy to walk the halls of Busan High. He had broken more hearts than you could count on your hands. Of course, that was more due to the sheer number of girls who were in love with him. It was almost impossible to not know who Kim Taehyung was. Despite his status, he was still loved by everyone and anyone. He was as charismatic and friendly as they come; traits that leant to his ‘heartthrob’ persona and sometimes you wondered how a sweetheart such as Taehyung had even managed to break hearts. The boy was a dork and as sweet as cotton candy.

You had never thought much of Taehyung, even in school. However, that had all changed one faithful day.

{Flashback: March 2013}

You were sitting in your art and photography class, staring out the window as you waited class to start. It was the middle of Spring and the plum blossoms had already bloomed, the roads completely littered with the petals. Even with the light wind, you could see the rustling of the branches, with each movement, more and more blush pink, delicate petals scattering in the air. You lose yourself in the scenic landscape for a couple more minutes. That is, until you’re cut out of your daydream by a series of giggles and you turn your attention to the girls sitting at the front of the class.

Their eyes are solely fixated on the boy walking through the door, a large boxy smile on his face, framed either side by his chubby cheeks. His large brown eyes are sparkling, uneven lids just adding to the subtle beauty that surrounds him. Kim Taehyung was the school heartthrob and for good reasons. He was even best friends with the school council president Park Jimin, the two as thick as thieves ever since Taehyung moved from Daegu to Busan. The girls continued giggling as they stared dreamily at Taehyung, their faces flushed lightly as they sent him their brightest smile.

Taehyung sent them both flirtatious winks, causing both of them to fluster, one even dropping her books. Taehyung let out a small chuckle before he bent over to pick them up, squatting down until he’s face to face with the girl. You watched as he slowly gathers the books into his hand before rising back to his full height. You keep your attention trained at him, eyes narrowed on his figure, watching as he hands the books over to the girl, fingertips brushing against hers before smiling at her cheekily. The girl lets out a small squeak, her hot red before she turns and quickly runs away. You roll your eyes at the cheesy exchange, sneering slightly at the girls before turning your attention back out the window.

Soon enough, class begins and your teacher drones on and on about still life drawings and the depth of emotion you can capture with them. He continues monotonously monologuing the ‘true’ nature of still art and it takes every single ounce of your control to resist the urge to scream. This was practically all he spoke about, and you understood it stemmed from his passion for still life (despite the complete lack of emotion in his voice); but at the same time, you’d rather learn about something else. Especially considering this was your fifth class about still life drawing.

Therefore, instead of paying attention, you continue ignoring the teacher; choosing to daydream as you stare out the window instead. You imagine yourself being somewhere far away from here, quite literally anywherebut here and before you know it, your teacher is dismissing you. You let out a sigh of relief as you begin packing up, shoving your books back into your bag before getting up to leave. However, as soon as you stood up, you come face to chest with someone. You tilt your head, eyebrow shooting into your hairline as you were met with Taehyung’s smiling face.

You reel back slightly, trying to put in some distance between you and the man, wondering what on earthhe could want with you. You look around the room slightly, confused by the baffling glares of all the girls who were also in your class. You sent them a sneer, causing them to let out a scoff before walking away, muttering something about how something or the other wasn’t fair. You briefly recognise the girl who had dropped her books earlier looking slightly disheartened, sending a longing glance towards Taehyung before looking at you with jealousy. You turn your attention back to Taehyung, raising your eyebrow once against.

“Is there something you need, Taehyung-ssi?” You asked and Taehyung’s face morphed into one of confusion.

“Were you paying attention ____-ssi? We’re partners” Taehyung replies and you almost choke, spluttering at him.

“What? Partners for what?” You splutter and Taehyung laughs at you, the noise deep and baritone and you wonder whatsixteen-year old’s voice is so deep. He sounds more like a man than anything.

“Miss Ahn partnered us up for the end of term project. We have two weeks to come up with what we want to do, art or photography wise” Taehyung replies cheerily and you nod along, finally understanding why the girls were angry at you. You let out a small sigh, this was surely going to cause problems. How were you and Taehyung supposed to work on a project for two weeks without you being murdered by his fan club? You silently pray to whatever god is out there, because you were sure you were going to need it.

“Alright, drop me your number and we can figure out when we need to meet and work on it. Have you thought of something you want to work on?” You ask and Taehyung nods eagerly as he punches his number into your phone.

“I’ve got a few ideas, one of them inspired by Van Gogh. However, I also want to do something photography related. But we can speak more about another day” Taehyung says and you nod swiftly.

“Alright perfect. I look forward to working with you Taehyung-ssi” You say more out of obligation and societal politeness than anything else and Taehyung’s only response is a large grin, a cheeky wink following as he turns to leave.

{End of Flashback}

That’s the first time you meet Taehyung. You had been expecting to work on a simple project and then both move on to your separate ways. What you didn’t expect is to genuinely enjoy his company over the next two weeks. Sure, his flirting was borderline excessive and ridiculous. But Taehyung was still fun to work with, especially when you realised how serious he was and how much he loved art. You didn’t expect to somehow grow attached and you especially didn’t expect for Taehyung to become your best friend. But, throughout working with him, you had realised that everyone was right. It was physically impossible to hate Taehyung; he was entirely too sweet. Suddenly, you understood exactly why all the girls would swoon over him.

Your lecturer continued droning on and on and you resisted the urge to face plant your desk out of misery. You were both in Art History, it was your minor and the only reason you had taken it was because you needed to make up the credits. You had always had a vagueinterest in art, but it could never measure up to Taehyung’s love for all things old, classic and artsy. You however, preferred academics and your major was chemistry. Why you had to take Art History to complete your Chemistry degree, you had no idea. But it was either Art History or Politics and you would ratherdiethan spend a single minute surrounded by pretentious conservatives who thought they knew how the world worked despite daddy’s money paying for everything.

The lecturer cracked a joke and you rolled your eyes from the back of the lecture hall, wishing the torture would just end. However, your attention is once again drawn by a deep chuckle, a sound that you could recognise anywhere. You watch Taehyung laugh with the rest of the class, his eyes sparkling with happiness and his lips pulled into a huge grin. His face fills you with nostalgia and you’re thrown back to the first time you questioned your previously platonic feelings for Taehyung.

{June 2014}

“____! Come on, just get in. I promise nothing will happen. You knowyou’re safest when with me” Taehyung pleads and you scoff at him, arms crossed around your chest as you eye him wearily. It’s been a good year since you befriended Taehyung. It had been a rocky start, especially considering Taehyung had tried to flirt with you constantly, despite you refusing his advances time and time again. However, eventually he had realised that you weren’t going to give in and had toned it down. Despite your art project ending, you had still kept in touch. But you could never have imagined that somehow, he’d have ended up as your best and closest friend. You trust Taehyung with your entire life. Figuratively. But as he stands there in front of you, a pout on his lips and his eyes pleading as he holds out car keys, his newly gifted car behind him, you wonder if you couldquite literallytrust Taehyung with your life.

You’re still seventeen, but Taehyung is older than you and he’s just completed his eighteenth birthday, which means that legallyTaehyung is allowed to drive. And with that, comes a test of how much you actuallytrust him. On a good day, he has your complete, unfaltering trust. But today, you’re not so sure. Because he’sjustpassed his test and you aren’t sure whether you want to get in a car with him, where he’s behind the wheel. Especially at night time, when the roads are dark and barely lit.

But Taehyung is insistent. He wants the first person he drives to be you and it has to be now, at night, because he’s driving his mother to the airport the next day. He continuously pleads and when he lets out a small whine; you give in, throwing your hands in the air. Taehyung yelps in victory, fist pumping through the air before opening your door like the gentleman he is. As soon as you get in, you buckle up; Taehyung getting into his own seat, grinning at you widely. He’s entirely too giddy and you wonder what you’re getting into. He’s got something planned and you know it as well as you know the back of your own hand.

“What?” You ask, and Taehyung lets out a little giggle. He reaches over you and rummages through the glove box before pulling something out.

“Okay, so you know, how the other day, RM dropped his new mixtape Mono? And how we said it’d be perfect to listen to on a night drive?” Taehyung says and you quirk an eyebrow, nodding slightly. He lifts up the album he pulled out and your eyebrows shoot up. So, he hadbeen planning something.

“God damn it, I should have known you were planning something. You don’thave to drop your mother to the airport, tomorrow do you? This is all just some elaborate plan for you to rope me into doing dumb shit with you at midnight” You whine, pointing an accusatory finger at Taehyung and you internally cheer victoriously when Taehyung throws his hands up in defeat, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Okay, okay, you caught me! But I didwant you to be the first person I drove. Also, today is a beautiful night and I want to show this with you. Come on, ____ pretty please? For me?” Taehyung pouts and as soon as his lip quivers you know you are done for. You let out an infuriated scream, tugging your hair in frustration before smacking the dashboard. Taehyung watches you with an amused smile and you resist the urge to lean over and throttle him. Because both of you know exactlywhat Taehyung’s puppy dog look does to you. How was anyonesupposed to resist him when he was flashing his wide brown eyes, plush lips pulled into a perfected pout?

“Fuck! Fine! Fine, just fucking drive. But I just want you to know, if we die, I’m haunting your ass forever” You threaten and Taehyung grins brightly before turning the key and starting the ignition. A small sense of dread fills you when Taehyung slightly revs the engine, one hand on the gear stick. You dotrust Taehyung to keep you safe, because he was right, you weresafest when with him. However, Taehyung was known to be slightly reckless and you didn’t put it past him to suddenly speed down the motorway.

“Alright babe, get ready for the best night of your life” Taehyung says with a wink and you jokingly gag at his words. Even though you were both best friends, Taehyung still threw his lame pickup lines or ‘smooth’ moves on you every now and then ‘To keep you on your toes’ he claimed, but you both knew he just enjoyed riling you up. Plus, it was more out of habit than anything, because at 18, Taehyung is somehow a bigger flirt than he was at 17. You theorise that perhaps it’s to do with his newfound growth spurt, making his already tall stature even taller.

Taehyung shifts the gear and slowly begins reversing, one hand around the back of your seat as he turns around, making sure the space behind him his clear through the rear window. Once you’re out of the drive, Taehyung shifts gears once again and presses down on the accelerator and suddenly the two of you are driving down the empty roads of Busan.

“Come on Iris, play the CD” Taehyung says and you hope Taehyung doesn’t hear the sharp intake of breath. He had begun calling you Iris three months into your friendship, the nickname solely reserved for you. You had questioned him many times as to why he called you that, but each time the explanation changed. The first was because according to him, ‘Irises’ was his favourite painting by Vincent Van Gogh; however, you knew that to be false because his favourite painting was ‘Starry Night over the Rhône’. The second time you asked, he had said it was because irises were a beautiful flower and somehow, they just suited you, even ifyour favourite flower were chrysanthemums. The third time you ask, he finally admits it’s because Iris is the god of Rainbows and irises are purple. The last colour of the rainbow. He says the colour signifies how you’d be together forever. Just you and him. You liked that idea.

“Iris? ____? You okay?” Taehyung asks and you blink owlishly as he pulls you out of your reverie. You shake your head slightly, smiling sheepishly as you slot the CD into the player. You turn the volume up slightly and you hear the soft sound of a car driving on the road begin before the loud chiming as ‘Tokyo’ starts playing, the soft sound of the piano filling the car. RM’s deep, but low husky voice begins and you’re slowly plunged into the calm of the atmosphere.

It’s completely dark outside as it’s nearing 1am, and neither you nor Taehyung speak as he navigates expertly through the streets of Busan. You lean your head against the window, condensation slightly blurring your view. But even then, you can still make out the dim lights of the stars and moon as they shine above you, the city lights drowning them out. However, the further you drive, the more you notice them as they slowly become brighter and brighter, and suddenly; when you can see them clearly, you realise that Taehyung has driven you far from the city.

The two of you are on a road by the beachside, the lights of the city now faint and behind you. You can faintly hear the crashing of the ocean waves on the beach as you race through empty roads. You startle slightly as you breathe in the crisp, slightly salted air, wondering when Taehyung had rolled down the windows. A part of you wonders how long you were staring out the window, completely lost in your thoughts. ‘uhgood’ is currently playing and with a startling realisation, you recognize it being the fourth time it’s been played, which means you’ve been driving for more than an hour. You glance at the clock in the car, eyes widening at the display. How was it already nearing 2am? The drive barelyfelt like twenty minutes, how had a complete two hours passed?

You turn back to Taehyung, opening your mouth to say something about turning back but instead you’re utterly floored by the view you’re met with. Taehyung is completely focused on the road, his grip on the steering wheel loose. He looks at ease, a soft smile on his face as the mixtape continues playing in the background. The wind slowly rustles through his hair, the susurrus noises only adding to the stillness of the atmosphere surrounding you. You’re almost captivated by how beautiful he is. He always has been. You know this. It is not an opinion but a mere fact. Because Taehyung isbeautiful. But seeing him now, you’re almost pulled into a trance.

Taehyung has grown up the last year, he’s lost some of his chubbiness, but you can still see hints around his cheekbones. His jaw is slightly more angled now and his features sharp, especially his eyes as they twinkle with mischief. The soft glow of the moonlight highlights his high cheekbones, his tan skin softly glowing, the darkness completely encasing him; almost as if it’s highlighting him in the low light. His hair is softly blowing in the wind, the dark locks slightly ruffled and simply adding to his charm. From your angle, you can see his long thick eyelashes brush against his cheeks every time he blinks. Right here, right now, Taehyung is the most gorgeous creature you have ever seen or could ever know. You don’t think he could get anymore stunning.

And then he turns to you.

And he smiles.

Your breath hitches slightly, the large grin pushing up his cheeks and emphasizing the slight chubbiness he still has with him, thanks to his grandmother’s constant mission to keep him well fed and healthy. His boxy smile stirs something in you and then he winks and applies more pressure onto the accelerator, speeding up. You know you should be slightly worried; it’s dark and Taehyung is speeding. But you’re so caught up in how breath-taking he looks that you fail to reprimand him. Instead, you drown further into him.

“You alright Iris?” Taehyung asks, his voice deep and husky and you have no idea why, but your heart achesat his words.

“I’m fine Tae, just fine” You breathe out, hoping he doesn’t notice the slight breathlessness to your voice. Especially when he moves his hand from the back of your seat to take your hand in his, squeezing it slightly.

{End of Flashback}

You scoff at your past self, wishing desperately that you could go back in time and rewind everything. That was the day you began falling for your best friend. A huge cliché, you were aware. But how could you notfall for Taehyung? He was almost perfect. However, Taehyung didn’t date. He was a flirt and a fuckboy through and through. You knew this better than anyone. You had always thought you’d be immune to it, but how the mighty have fallen. You smiled bitterly as you pondered your very much unrequited love for your best friend. Best friend. You continue perusing Taehyung, your heart plummeting in your chest.

Sometimes it hurt just looking at him.

You could still clearly remember the day you had the startling realisation that you were in love with your best friend. It was almost four years ago, when the two of you had just graduated from highschool.

{Flashback July 2015}

“Iris, come on sweet, it’s our last night as highschool students! We can’tmiss this” Taehyung whines and you ignore the way your heartbeat slightly speeds up at his nickname.

“God Taehyung, why are you dragging me along? It’s not as if you’ll actually be with me the night anyway” You glare at him and Taehyung looks at you in both surprise and confusion.

“____, why would I not be with you?” Taehyung asks and you let out a little scoff. You knew Taehyung like the back of your hand. You had been best friends for almost two years now and you’d like to think you knew exactly what would happen at the celebratory bonfire for seniors. Taehyung would spend twenty minutes with you, keeping you company and making sure you were alright. But then, he’d find himself a girl and chase after her and then he’d disappear. Like he always did.

“Tae come on, we both know you’re going to leave the minute you find a girl you want to fuck” You sneer and as soon as the words are out, you wonder why they leave a bad taste in your mouth. Or why your stomach churns at the thought of Taehyung with another girl.

“God ____, I know I’m usually like that, but I’m not going to ditch you tonight of all nights. If I promise to stay with you, will you come?” Taehyung pouts and you narrow your eyes at him slightly. Taehyung only deepens his pout and you let out a sigh of defeat, Taehyung grinning when he hears it. You silently berated yourself, wondering why he had so much power over you. Why was it that a singlepout always had you doing his bidding? It was as if he did it and cast a spell on you, making sure you always bent to his whims.

“Fuck, fine! But if you leave me Kim Taehyung, I swear to any god out there, I willfind you and castrate you. Whether you’re balls deep in the girl or not” You threatened, Taehyung wincing slightly before wrapping his arms around you, hugging you tight to his body.

“Gods Iris, I promise not to leave you. I just wanna spend the night having fun with my best friend” Taehyung promises, placing a soft kiss onto your temple and silently you wonder just what you’ve gotten yourself into.

A couple hours later, you find yourself sitting beside a bonfire, surrounded by various other people in your year who are graduating with you. True to his word, Taehyung has refused to leave your side; even when girls come over to try and lure him from you. Taehyung, however, obediently stays by your side. Which is why, you find yourself seated on the grass, Taehyung sitting behind you on one of the makeshift seats. Your back is pressed tightly against his chest, one of his arms is loosely thrown around your body and this you’re completely encompassed by his warmth. You’re so close to Taehyung that you can feel the deep rumbles of his laughter more than you can hear it.

“I can’t believe we’re finally graduating from this hell hole of a school. I honestly didn’t even think we’d make it this far” Park Jimin, Taehyung’s other best friend and self-proclaimed soulmate laments and you roll your eyes at him, throwing some grass at him.

“Agreed on the hell hole, but didn’t you love school? You were one of the best students in our year, not to mention school president ever since you set foot in Busan High” You teased and Jimin looks at you with wide eyes, full of shock and mock betrayal.

“Hey! Just because I excelled at school, doesn’t mean I didn’t think it was a hell hole. I can’t wait to go to university and study dance. Goodbye maths, goodbye science” Jimin cheers victoriously and you snort at him.

“Weren’t you top of the class in maths and science?” You snicker and Jimin slams the ground with his small palms in mock rage, pointing at you accusatorily.

“YAH! Stop pocking holes in my story and let me whine in peace” Jimin yells and you snicker.

“Sorry Jiminie, please Mr. School President, tell us all about how much you hated school and are glad to be moving onto university” You tease and this time Jimin turns to Taehyung.

“Yah, Taehyung, control your girl” Jimin complains and you immediately freeze, wondering why your heart skips a beat and begins racing at the speed of hummingbird wings. You except Taehyung to rebuff and correct Jimin, but all he does is chuckle and you can feel the deep baritone sound against your back; the feeling only serving to speed up your heartbeat further.

“Iris does whatever she wants Jiminie, if I can’t stop her teasing me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop her teasing you” Taehyung chortles and you wince slightly, your skin suddenly feeling very flushed.

“Hey! It’s started!” Someone calls out, pointing up at the sky. All your attention is drawn towards the sky and this time, your breath is taken away by the beautiful display of sparks lighting up the sky. The intense kaleidoscopic display fills up the entire night sky, loud booms and high whistling filling the night air as they continuously go off. Hues of every shade fill your vision, blues, greens, oranges, reds, golds and so many more and you completely lose yourself in this sight of it all.

“____, look! It’s so beautiful! Hey, that one was purple and yellow, those are our favourite colours!” Taehyung says, bouncing with delight. Your face softens slightly. No matter how old he got, Taehyung never lost his childlike innocence and playfulness. You feel his giddiness course through your veins and it only causes your heart to flutter more. You try and focus on the lights, aweing and oohing along with everyone else. But then, Taehyung wraps his arms tighter around your body, pulling you closer into his embrace and briefly you feel him nuzzle his nose in your hair; breathing in your scent, but you’re positiveyou’ve made it up. And  then, he says something that has you breaking out of your stupor.

“I’m glad you’re here with me. I wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else” Taehyung whispers into your hair and you snap your head to face him, almost giving yourself whiplash. However, when you come face to face with him, his attention is already back on the sky. But now, your attention is solely focused on him.

His skin glows in the dim amber flames of the bonfire, and every now the flashes of the fireworks illume him even more. For the second time in your life, you’re completely floored by how trulybeautifulKim Taehyung is. Once again, your heart aches but this time you know exactly how you feel. Because for an entire year now you’ve questioned whether your feelings were completely platonic. And now, in this very moment, with the prismatic explosion of colour in the background, you sincerely understand the depth of the emotions you feel for your best friend. Taehyung is all the things you feel when fireworks illuminate the sky.

You finally realise, that you are completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with Kim Taehyung.

{End of Flashback}

After that day, your relationship with Taehyung had somewhat changed. Not on his end obviously, but more on yours. Every time he did something sweet, your heart would cinch. Every compliment, every flirtatious comment, every term of endearment, drove you wild. There were times you wanted to scream and run, there were times when you wanted to grab him by the collar and kiss him senseless, confessing your love for him. But instead, you kept everything bottled up and loved him from far.

There is very little you wouldn’t give to go back in time to that very moment and yell at yourself to not do it. To not fall in love with him. Taehyung had never had a relationship. He was always a lone fuckboy who spent more time running from commitment than he did between girls’ legs. Which, considering just howmany people he’d bedded, was a lotof time running from commitment. There was a time, when Taehyung was a hopeless romantic. A time when he dreamt about meeting the one and falling in love. A time when he spent dreaming about a marriage, children and a white picket fence. That had all changed when his parents had split up and his entire world had crashed around him, leaving a disillusioned boy with major commitment and trust issues.

Taehyung never being in a relationship had made life so much easier for you. Sure, you had to deal with him sleeping around, but you never had to deal with him being in love or seeing someone else. For a very long time, the only constant female in Taehyung’s life was you. Secretly, you had loved it because it meant, that in a weird twisted way, Taehyung was yours and only yours. The girl he ran to with problems, the girl he took on ‘dates’, the girl he spent valentines with. Every important moment was spent with you. You were the one he always ran to at the end of the day and you had loved it, cherished it. Held it close to your heart.

But nothing lasted forever. Everything was fleeting and a couple years after falling in love with him, you soon realised that Taehyung’s solo career was also temporary.

{Flashback November 2017}

You sit on the sofa, casually flicking through the different films and series on Netflix, looking for something, anythingto watch and cure your boredom as you slurp on ramen aka your very nutritious and filling dinner for the night. Note your sarcasm. But, it’s what student life was like and you were entirely too poor to complain about it. You’re in your shared flat with Jimin and Taehyung but both boys have made themselves scarce. Jimin had left for dance practice twenty minutes ago and Taehyung had been out the entire day.

Deadline season was quickly approaching, which meant that Taehyung had become desperate to find a model for his photography project, especially after putting off the assignment for a month. You had offered and he’d almost taken you up on your offer, until someone finally responded to his flyer. He had quickly apologised for almost ‘forcing’ you into working with him, kissed your forehead and had then run out. A part of you had felt dejected but you quickly brushed those feelings off. And now here you were, all by your lonesome, scrolling endlessly through Netflix. Ten minutes later, you’re ready to give up and head to bed, when the door bursts open and Taehyung enters.

You regard him with weariness, wondering why he looks so happy. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are pulled into a wide smile. His shoulders are shaking, he’s giddy, and full of that childlike exuberance you love so much and despite yourself, somehow, he manages to cause you to fall in love all over again. A feat you thought completely impossible. And yet, there he was proving you wrong all over again. He walks up to you and throws himself on the sofa next to you. You raise an eyebrow at him and briefly wonder why he’s so happy.

“The best thing happened to me. I think I’m cured” Taehyung says cheerily and now you’re definitely intrigued. What could have happened in the few hours that he was gone to get him so happy? You hadn’t ever seen him like this, at least, not since the divorce.

“I take it, your photography project went well? Got all the shots you needed?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically, but you sense it’s more than that.

“Oh, what is it? Why are you so excited? And cured of what?” You ask, but now, looking back, you wished you had left. You wished you had gone to bed earlier. You wished you had been his model because nothingcould have prepared you for the words that spilled out his mouth next.

“It went more than well. There’s a girl in our Art History class, I don’t know if you’ve heard of her, but her name is Choi Hyorin. She’s the one that answered my ad” Taehyung begins and dread begins pooling in your stomach. You want to wave it off because Taehyung’s always been surrounded by girls, but they’ve never lasted more than a one-night stand. You want to think that the dread is because he’s about to go into detail about his little rendezvous but deep down, you know it’s more than that.

“I think I’ve heard of her; she’s the one with the small face, big eyes and long black hair, right?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically.

“Yes! So, we did a few shots, and I don’t know how I never noticed how cute she was. We spent the entire day going around looking for the best place to take the photos. We went to parks, graffitied buildings, rooftops. Anywhere with aesthetic shots and I shit you not, everypicture was beautiful. And she’sso beautiful, not to mention funny and oh my gods, ____, we have the exact same interests! I’ve never met anyone like her, we just clickedand never once did I even think of fucking and ditching her. We click on so many things, she loves blues, RnB and jazz, her favourite artist is Van Gogh and she loves H.E.R. as well. I loved spending every moment with her and we’re even meeting again in a couple days to head to that jazz night in the karaoke bar” Taehyung gushes and rants and each and every word is like a dagger to your quickly plummeting heart. You feel like your entire world is falling apart and you want nothing more than to run into your room and cocoon yourself in your sheets and never come out again, but Taehyung continues ranting and raving about how amazing she was and how she has the cutest laugh, and the way her eyes sparkle in the setting sun and the way she feels against him. He goes on and on for what feels like hours and you can do nothing more than smile and nod, despite how much your heart is breaking; because you are nothingbut his best friend and it’s your job to listen to him.

He doesn’t know what you feel for him.

He doesn’t know how much he owns your heart.

He doesn’t know that his next words break that very same heart.

“____, I’m telling you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my entire life. I… I honestly believe she’s the one. I think she’s the girl of my dreams. I know I’ve sworn of love and relationships because of my parents… but I think she’s the girl to heal those wounds. I think, if it’s her, I can truly love again. Am I crazy?” Taehyung asks, looking at you in wide eyed wonder and you take in a shuddering deep breath. You bottle all your feelings for him and give him your best, brightest smile despite how much it feels like an elephant has stomped all over your chest and you hug him.

“Of course, not Taehyung. If you honestly feel like that, then I’m sure you’re not crazy. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy” You choke out, internally cheering at how level your voice is. Despite everything, you’re not lying. You areglad he’s found someone. Because even if you were in love with him, at the end of the day, you were his best friend.

And Taehyung’s happiness always comes first.

{End of flashback}

The giggle you heard before once again fills the room and you sink further into your seat. You try hard to block out Hyorin’s giggles, especially since she’s the reason you’re trying to focus on the dreaded lecture notes but it’s hard to do so, especially when it’s followed by Taehyung’s deep chuckles. It’s been fifteen months since Hyorin and Taehyung became a couple. Fifteen whole months of nothing but heartbreak, fake smiles and unrequited love. You had tried so very hard to get over Taehyung, you had dated, fallen into your own trysts of one-night stands, hell you even tried Tinder in a desperate attempt. But no one had ever compared to Taehyung. None of them were as exciting or stole your breath like he did. And so, after ten months, you had given up all hope of ever moving on and instead accepted your condemned fate of forever being in love with your best friend.

However, it had become slightly easier. Despite the tumultuous love you felt for Taehyung, it had become easier. But not because you were accepting of his love for Hyorin. It had become easier because ever since they had gotten together, you and Taehyung had become distant. You had once been the only constant female in Taehyung’s life, but that had changed when he and Hyorin became exclusive. Suddenly, that position was no longer reserved for you, but for her.

Now he spent valentine’s day with her, he took her on dates, he bought her meaningful Christmas gifts, spent his birthday with her and only her. She was the girl he now ran to and the girl who dealt with his problems. It hadn’t started out like that, he had made a lot of time for you. Promised things would never change and that you’d always be the number one girl in his life. But that was the thing about relationships. When a new person was added, it always changed. There was no way it couldn’t. He had tried. He really had and you couldn’t fault him for it. Because he hadtried to balance you both, but at the end of the day, she always took precedence and slowly, you began drifting.

He spent less time with you, and spent more time with her. He spent less time speaking and texting you, and spent more time texting and speaking to her. And now, he spent more time at her apartment than he spent in the home he shared with you and Jimin. You lived with Taehyung and yet the most you’d seen him was in your shared Art History class. And yet, you couldn’t fault him for anything because she’s the one. You watch as he throws his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in closer to him. You see the way he smiles at her, his eyes filled with nothing but adoration. You see it all.

Taehyung is completely, utterly and irrevocably in love.

But not with you.

“Gods, are you okay, ____? You look a right mess” Jimin says as he enters your room and you glare at him.

“I’m fine Jimin, what do you want?” You ask and Jimin shrugs, entering your room and sitting on your bed. Ever since you moved in with him and Taehyung, you and Jimin had grown a lot closer. Sure, your friendship never matched the one you had with Taehyung, but you were close nevertheless.

“Nothing really, Taehyung is out with Hyorin and I’m bored. That’s like the fifth time this month he’s ditched me for her” Jimin pouts and you wince slightly because the last thing you want right now, especially since Taehyung hadn’t even madeplans with you for over three weeks.

You quieten down and become maudlin. Distance with Taehyung is something you have become awfully familiar with. Something you never thought you’d have to become familiar with. But you’re feeling particularly morose today and you’re plunged into the ‘what ifs’. What if you had confessed to Taehyung, what if youhad modelled for his art project instead of Hyorin. What if you had never met him?These are the thoughts that fill your head currently. What ifs are dangerous territory and your thoughts only serve in causing you to sink further into heartbreak. You miss Taehyung. You miss the friendship dates, you miss visits to cafes and museums, you miss his stupid pickup lines and flirtatious comments. But most of all, you miss him. You miss your best friend more than anything.

“You look like you’re about to cry” Jimin says, breaking you out of your thoughts and you suck in a sharp breath, blinking away the tears in your eyes. When had you even began welling up?

“Should I call Taehyung?” Jimin asks and you quickly shake your head, curling your fists around your sheets are you tried to get your emotions back in check.

“Please don’t” You whisper and Jimin hums in thought.

“Because he’s the reason you’re crying?” Jimin asks and you snap your head towards him. Your breath hitches in fear as you stare at him in wide eyed panic but Jimin just shrugs nonchalantly, sending you a knowing look.

“Please, I know how you feel about him. Everyone knows it. You know it, I know it, the entire campus knows it. The only person who doesn’t is Taehyung” Jimin says and you let out a choked sound, trying to find the words to deny his claims.

“Please don’t try and deny it. Don’t insult my intelligence like that. Everyone knows.And yes, that everyone includes Hyorin” Jimin replies and your eyebrows furrow.

“What do you mean?” You ask and Jimin lets out a bemused chuckle.

“Why do you think you and Taehyung have barely been spending time together? She knew and she was jealous. She knew you loved him and she knew that Taehyung and your friendship was something special. So, she tried to monopolise his time as much as possible. And surprise, surprise it worked. There were times he wanted to hang out with you, but she asked him on those days and he said yes. It only worked because you were so willing to let him go. Because at some point, you stopped fighting her for his time and attention” Jimin said and you stammer, unsure of what to make of things.

“Y-You mean he chose her? Over me? As in, there were days when he wanted to spend time with me, but chose to spend time with her instead?” You ask, fearing his answer.

“I guess you could see it like that yeah” Jimin says and despair fills your ever fibre. You had always assumed that Taehyung’s distance had been because he was consumed by Hyorin. You had never once thought that Taehyung if given the option to spend time with you, Taehyung would still choose her. Mainly because you thought you meant more to him than that. You let out a small sob, tears welling in your eyes and Jimin looks at you sadly.

“I’m sorry ____. But I have watched you be in love with my idiot of a best friend for years. And he was too stupid to realise he loved you too” Jimin says sadly and you snort,  looking at him in cynicism.

“Oh yeah, Taehyung in love with me. Please Jimin, next joke” You sneer out and Jimin lets out a humourless laugh.

“Please. He did. I know he did. Every time you’d sleep with someone, or date someone, he’d get angry and overprotective. There were times when he even threatened guys to stay away from you. You don’t do that for justa best friend. He loved you. He loves you. He’s just too much of an idiot to see it but when he and Hyorin break up, he’ll realise how much he loves you and what he lost. Trust me” Jimin says and you shake your head, sneering once again.

“Please don’t lie to me Jimin, he never loved me and never could. I’m not her” You reply, your tone full of defeat and Jimin lets out a shriek of frustration.

“Stop that! I know Taehyung. I know him better than anyone and that may not include you, but your judgement is clouded by your feelings. I have watched you idiots be in love with each other for so long. But Hyorin comes and Taehyung being theidiothe is decides to think with his dick and convince himself he’s in love with her when he’s not. I have watched you love him this entire time, I have watched him break your heart. I have watched him slowly destroy you and turn you into the shell of a person you once were. And I’m tired. I love him but I’m sorry to say that your love is wasted on him. He doesn’t deserve it. You are a beautiful, vibrant girl. A girl whose love is better spent on someone else. It’s time you moved on” Jimin rants and you scoff at him.

“Easy for you to say that. I’ve tried that and it didn’t work” You sneer and Jimin shakes his head. He get up and heads to your closet; you watch in confusion as he pulls out an outfit and lays it on your bed.

“Well you’re going to try again. Get up and shower, we’re going out. I’m not going to sit by and watch you slowly break apart anymore. I care about you too much for that” Jimin says and you let out a small sigh.

“Jimin it’s not going to work. I’ve tried the getting under someone else approach” You say and he looks at you in annoyance.

“Well you’re going to try harder. I’m not taking no for an answer. Get up and shower. Now” Jimin’s tone is final and you know him well enough to know that you’re not winning this battle. So, you let out a small groan and grab the clothes he’d laid out, grumbling to yourself as you pop into the shower.

“Cheers!” Jimin says, clinking his shot glass against yours before you wrap your lips around the rim and down it in one go. You wince slightly at the taste of tequila searing down your throat before shaking your head. You were already four shots deep and the alcohol was blurring your mind, the haze surrounding you and making you feel happier and lighter than you had in a while. You still have your wits about you and you’re nowhere close to being drunk but it’s enough to take off the nervous edge. The music was pounding in your ear drums and you could feel the bass vibrate through your entire body, your hips moving slowly to the rhythm despite yourself.

“Alright, let’s find you someone to go home with” Jimin says, the two of you turning around to scout the different guys.

“What about him?” You point out and Jimin shakes his head.

“That’s Jung Hoseok, he’s a year above me and in my dance classes. He’s seeing someone called Sooyun or something” Jimin says and you sigh before you continue looking around.

“How about him?” You ask pointing out another guy.

“Yoongi-hyung? No, he’s gay and probably dragged here by Hoseokie-hyung. Why do we know so many people who are here?” Jimin asks with a sigh and you giggle.

“Because this club is popular in our university. Hey, how about that guy?” You say, pointing out to someone else.

“Ah, Kim Yugyeom. He’s also in my dance class but he’s single and loves to sleep around. No strings attached and from what I’ve heard a good lay. Go for it” Jimin says and you smile brightly at him before looking swigging your next shot. You begin walking towards him and soon he spots you walking towards him. He gives you a wide grin and winks, and before you know it, you’re face to chest with the tall boy. Yugyeom immediately grips you by the waist and begins moving his hips, body rolling against you.

The way he moves is sinful and you throw caution to the wind. You close your eyes and grind against him, head thrown just under his shoulder as you move your ass against his hips. Yugyeom’s hands move to your hips and his fingertips grip onto them, fingers bruising. He swirls his hips particularly hard, pressing his crotch against your ass as his lips trail along your neck, pressing soft kisses against it. You let out a moan that gets lost in the noise of the club but Yugyeom feels the vibration. He spins you around, arm wrapping around your back as he continues grinding against you. His lips slowly begin descending on yours and just when they meet, you’re roughly pulled apart.

You turn around in shock and your eyes widen when you’re met face to face with a very angry Taehyung. He’s glaring at the slightly taller man before pushing Yugyeom off of you. You splutter, unsure what to say and frantically look around for Jimin but he’s nowhere to be seen. Taehyung grabs you by the wrist and begins pulling you out of the club. You try to break free but Taehyung turns around and glares at you and immediately you feel weak and dejected. You allow him to slowly drag him out of the club. He hails a taxi and puts you in before getting in on the other side. The entire drive is tense and you have so many questions. But instead, you sit in silence, stewing over the events. The more time passes and the more time you have to think about it, only serves to make you angry. You were so ready to move on and he just had to ruin it. Where did he even come from? Wasn’t he with Hyorin in the first place?

You soon reach your apartment building and the two of you get out. Taehyung walks ahead of you, stalking into the building, simply expecting you to follow him. You glare at his back in anger, stomping after him and with each step to your shared flat, your anger rises. Soon, you’re stood in front of your flat door, glaring daggers into Taehyung’s back as you seethe. If looks could kill, he’d be dead thrice over. He unlocks the door and opens it with a slam, beckoning you in with a look. You stomp inside throwing your purse onto the table before turning around and pointing at him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Kim Taehyung?” You seethe, your voice barely above a whisper. The shots are taking more effect and you’re feeling bold enough to fight with him.

“Saving you. What the fuck were you doing there? I went out with some friends, I didn’t expect you to be there. Why were you dancing with Yugyeom? Do you not know he’s a fuckboy?” Taehyung asks and you scoff.

“Yes I did! I was tryingto fuck him! What is it to you?” You shriek and Taehyung sneers at you.

“That’s not who you are. You don’t just fuck around” Taehyung jeers and you have the irresistible urge to throttle him.

“That’s fucking rich coming from you. You used to do it all the fucking time. Suddenly, I’m not allowed to sleep around?” You throw back and Taehyung reels, his eyes turning into slits.

“Don’t you dare. It was different with me. You don’t get to sleep around” Taehyung says and your eyes widen, body shaking with rage.

“Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. If I want to sleep with the next fifty guys I see, I damn well will. Who the fuck are you to tell me no?” You scream and Taehyung slams his fist on a table.

“I’m your best fucking friend! I can’t stand seeing you with others. Especially when they don’t fucking deserve you” Taehyung shouts and you sneer.

“Abest friend. Justa best friend Kim Taehyung. So news flash, that means you don’t get to decide who is good for me or not. I decide that. You being my best friend doesn’t mean you get to tell me who I fuck. And you can’t keep boys away from me forever. If I want to fuck Yugyeom I will. Hell, Jimin knows him. I could still ask him for Yugyeom’s number” You say with a mocking tone, daring him to challenge you.

“Oh, I don’t fucking think so. Not if I have any say in it” Taehyung says, stalking towards you, his eyes glinting in the low light.

“Well, you don’tfucking have a say in it. Now move out of my way” You say, and Taehyung growls at you.

“I said no. You’re not fucking Yugyeom” Taehyung grits out, teeth clenched.

“WHY THE FUCK NOT?” You scream and Taehyung pushes you up against the wall, his breathing heavy as he glares down at you.

“Because you’re fucking mine” Taehyung growls and you freeze in shock but you don’t have enough time to process his words because the next moments, his lips are locked against yours. Taehyung’s hands pinned yours against the wall his other hand wandering all over your body as he kissed you fervently. You moan in response, breaking out of his grasp as his other hand moves to hold your cheek, your own hands tangling into Taehyung’s hair and tugging on it, pulling him closer towards you.

This was wrong. You knew this was wrong, but Jimin’s previous words about Taehyung being in love with you and his possessiveness had given you a small inkling of hope; and with every kiss and soft moan, that small inkling was building into a raging fire. He tasted of soju and coffee, the taste almost intoxicating. You know that alcohol was most likely clouding both your judgement, and that Taehyung was very much in a relationship. But with every passing moment locked in his embrace, those doubts and warnings disappeared, leaving you with nothing but a racing heart and a stomach full of heat. You pressed your body against Taehyung’s, pressed your lips harder against his as you poured out all your feelings into the kiss.

Taehyung let out a soft growl before reaching behind your back and unzipping your dress. He let it fall to the ground, the dress pooling around your feet, leaving you in your semi-soaked panties and no bra. You attempted to kick off your heels but Taehyung growled his disagreement and you let out a small giggle. You jumped up slightly, Taehyung easily catching you as you wrapped your legs around his waist, grinding your cloth-covered core against his own hardened cock. Taehyung let out a soft whine before he carried you towards your bedroom; your lips quickly breaking apart as he trailed kisses down your neck.

He tossed you onto the bed, before kneeling beside you. He stared down at you with intense dark eyes, eyes flitting over your body. You were flushed underneath him, your chest heaving as you breathed heavily, attempting to get your breathing under check. His eyes traced your body, from your collarbones, across your chest, groaning when your nipples hardened under his stare, forming twin peaks. He continued his perusal off your body, down your stomach and towards your hips and thighs. Your knees are slightly spread, giving him a hint of the arousal-soaked panties clinging to your core and leaving nothing to imagination. Taehyung licked his lips before he descended back down, picking your leg up.

He placed a small kiss on your ankle before trailing his lips up your leg, placing another kiss on your knee then your inner thigh. His lips trailed across your hips, his tongue tracing the bone before he kissed his way up to your belly button, circling and dipping hi wet appendage into it, causing you to arch your back and moan, begging him to stop teasing you. With every one of his ministrations, your heart ached. You briefly wondered if he fucked Hyorin like this, if we paid this much attention to her. You slightly shook your head, trying to push those damning thoughts out of your mind as you focused on Taehyung’s attention on your body.

Taehyung smirked against your skin. He continued up your body nuzzling the valley of your breasts and placing a tender kiss on your sternum. Continuing his worship of you, he brushed his lips against your collarbones, sucking on them slightly before running his nose up the length of your neck, placing soft kisses along your throat. Finally, he reached your lips, bending down and capturing your mouth once again with his. You gasped as one of his hands brushed up from your leg to grip your hip tightly. Taehyung used your gasp to his advantage, forcing his tongue into your mouth and massaging your own tongue with his. You moaned at the taste that was wholly him, pushing your lip even harder against his, trying to meld both of you into one being.

"Gods ____, you're so beautiful, " Taehyung whispered against your ear, biting the shell and tugging it slightly. Your heart plummets in your chest because it’s been sovery long since you’ve heard those words come out of his mouth and his tone is filled with so much emotion. Instead of responding you shake your head and pull him against you once more. If this was the only time, if this was your only chance with him, you didn’t want to waste it with meaningless words that would disappear when the sun rose and he returned to her.

“Stop talking Taehyung and just fuck me” You whisper, your tone pleading and filled with desperation as you stare into his lust filled eyes. Taehyung lets out a lazy boxy smile and you ignore the small lurch in your heart as he regards you with pure love. Once again, you wonder how many times Hyorin has seen this exact sight.

“Gladly Iris” Taehyung responds and you take in a shuddering breath, hoping it passes off for lust and not for the heartache you were really feeling. He bent his head forward and struck out his tongue, flicking your hardened nipple. You shuddered against his lips, this time with lust, causing him to smile before he pulled the nipple into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth while sucking on it. His hand moved from your hip to your other breast, kneading the mound in his hands before pinching and pulling your nipple, you moaned at the slight pain and Taehyung let out a wicked grin against your breast before once again tugging harshly again on the sensitive nipple. His lips moaned against your other breast and you felt the vibrations rush through your nerves and straight to your core, making your wetter. You brought your hands up to his head, your nails scratching his scalp as you hissed at him in pleasure. Taehyung let go off your nipple with a pop before attaching onto the next one and resuming his actions.

"Taehyung please, more. I need more. I need your mouth on me" You groaned, arching your back.

“You’re such a sin, a beautiful sin that belongs to no one else but me” Taehyung whispers before kissing down your stomach. You spread your legs wider, causing him to grin as he took in the sight of the darkened material clinging to your slit. The smell of your arousal was so strong he was almost lost himself further into the intoxication of alcohol and your scent, the combination driving him crazy with need. His member leaked against his boxers, his trousers becoming entirely too tight.

He leaned forward, licking your covered slit, making you whimper in pleasure. Taehyung smirked before repeating himself over and over again, teasing you endlessly, until you were thrashing around, grinding your core against his face, lashing, gyrating, doing anything that would stop his hellish teasing and cause more friction. Taehyung finally relented sucking your panty covered clit into his mouth, you let out a strangled scream as your bundle of nerves were finally stimulated. You screamed his name as Taehyung repeatedly sucked and lashed at your clit with his tongue until you finally came. You let out another incoherent scream as your hips lifted of the bed. Taehyung attached himself to your clit again sucking and drawing out your orgasm as he watched your eyes roll back. Taehyung sat up as you came down from your high, grinning down at you wickedly.

“Did I just make you cum from having your panties licked?” Taehyung teased and you let out a small whine when he pressed his thumb against your covered slit, rubbing up and down and spreading your wetness even more. You were almost positive you could never wear these again, they were wellpassed ruin.

"Great, now my panties are completely soaked" You pouted and Taehyung let out a small giggle, kisses the corner of your mouth as he tried to push your pout away. Once again, your heart cinches and you almost turn away, trying to blink away the tears. He far too attentive, too soft and too loving. Every action is filled with love and adoration and it both drives you wild and making you want to break down into a fit of sobs, because you know that as soon as daylight strikes, he’ll be far gone from you.

"Just how I like them," He replied with a wicked grin, drawing you back from your impending breakdown. You push away the thoughts once again and your eyes darkened with lust as you watched him slowly strip above you. Long, dextrous fingers move smoothly as he unbuttons and divests himself off his shirt, leaving nothing but a smooth expanse of tanned skin. Your eyes trail over his wide shoulders, before tracing down his body, dark nipples hard in the cold of his room and soft belly with small rolls making your heart hurt. You always loved Taehyung’s soft belly, so completely different from most guys with hard abs. So completely him.

You need to stop these treacherous thoughts. You can’t fall more in love with him and you need to somehow distract yourself. So, you use what little strength you have and flip him over. Taehyung lets out a choked yelp of surprise and quickly moves to push you until you begin trailing down his body. You press small kisses against the waistband of his trousers. You slowly unbutton them before pulling them down his legs, along with his boxers. His cock spring up and you jerk backwards, eyes wide at the sheer size of it.

It's beautiful. Long and so very thick, something you definitely were not expecting. His cock is smooth and tan, perfectly veined and his purple cockhead is angry and weeping with precum. He leaks down his own tip and cock and your mouth waters at the sheer sight of it all. You smiled at the large member, licking your lips as you imagined the way it would fill your mouth and the way it’ll no doubt stretch your pussy later. You kissed the base before kissing up the length until you reached the tip, licking the leaking head and almost moaning at the salted, tangy taste of him on your lips. You’re addicted. You know you are.

You grabbed the middle of his shaft gently and rubbed the tip along your lips, almost as if applying lipstick. Taehyung groans as you pleasured his frenulum before letting out a shark breath of air as you sucked on the tip, the tongue flicking against the tip over and over again. You slowly took the head in until the cockhead was completely in your mouth and then you began sucking. Hard. Taehyung gasped out, his fingers twisting into your long hair and trying to push your further down. However, you held still, sucking on the tip as you swirled your tongue around the tip causing Taehyung to buck his hips.

"Fuck, ____" Taehyung hissed, and you smiled at the begging, pleading tone that occupies his voice. You decide to have some sort of mercy on him and begin taking the rest of his thick, long cock in your mouth. Your jaw aches and you’ve barely taken any of his cock and he’s already hitting the back of your throat, but you refuse to give up. Inch by inch, you continue swallowing him down your throat and when he hits your gag reflex to choke slightly and hold still. Tears pull in your eyes but you calm down, breath as much as you can through your nose before you swallow. Taehyung let’s out a choked groan, bucking slightly into you as slowly swallow him whole. You internally cheer victoriously when your nose hits against the wiry dark hair around his crotch, trimmed neatly.

"God yes, take that cock in," Taehyung moaned, holding your head as you gagged on his engorged dick. You started bobbing up and down, Taehyung helping as he thrust up and into your mouth, you smiled against his dick before moving one hand down to his balls, raking your long fingers along the tender flesh.

"Shit yes" Taehyung murmured in pleasure. While sucking on his dick, you ran your hot tongue along the base of his dick, right in the middle causing Taehyung to shudder and hiss once again as your teeth raked against the base all the way to his tip. Taehyung was elated from the feeling of your hot, warm and silky mouth around his dick. He felt the coil in his abdomen winding tighter and tighter as his orgasm approached.

"I'm coming baby, that's it. Yes! Make me cum" Taehyung groaned, bucking his hips erratically and fucking your mouth while you continued bobbing your head up and down, gagging every now and then. You felt his dick swell and let his cock go with a pop before sucking one of his balls into your mouth, Taehyung yelling in pleasure as your fist pumped his dick up and down.

"Cumming. Fuck I'm cumming. Fuck, sweetheart swallow my cum" Taehyung orders and you quickly released his balls from your mouth to wrap around the tip of his dick, taking it all in once again as his cum rushed out of his dick and down your throat. You moaned at the slightly salty taste of his cum, drinking it down as he continued to spill it into your throat while you continued lightly massaging his balls. Several pumps later, Taehyung was finally done and you came of his dick, licking your lips and grinning up at him. Taehyung stared at you through lidded eyes before beckoning you up.

"F-face. Sit on my face" Taehyung gasped out as he came down from his orgasm induced high. You quickly shimmied out of your underwear before crawling over him, not needing to be told twice. You swung one of your knees over his head being careful not to accidentally hit him until your legs were spread over his face, Taehyung stared at your folds, licking his lips at the completely soaked lips and your quivering pussy, almost dripping on his face.

"God are you always this wet? You tasted so sweet before, I wonder whether you taste better straight from that sweet, sweet cunt" Taehyung whispered against your pussy before tugging your slit into his mouth.

"Only for you Taehyung. Always for you" You confessed into the night, your voice low, before you bent backwards, placing one of your hands on his chest, the other moving up to play with your breasts. You didn’t think you were loud enough for him to hear you. But he does.

"You're damn right. No one else will ever see you like this. You're mine" Taehyung growled possessively against your slit, and you close your eyes, glad that he can’t see the pain etched onto your face. You stare up at the ceiling, blinking out the tears of despair, something you shouldn’t be doing when Taehyung is buried face deep between your legs. But you can’t control it. You swallow thickly and bite your lips.

“Just make me cum” You choke out, you want to walk away. But Taehyung is like a drug and instead you find yourself falling deeper and deeper into him. The small part of you wonders and hopes, that maybe after all this is done, maybe he may stay. Maybe Jimin was right and Taehyung really loved you, and was too blind to see it. Maybe you could show him, you were the one for him.

“Don’t worry Iris, you’ll be coming so many times you’ll be begging me to stop by the end of the night” Taehyung promises ominously from under your folds, swatting your ass as he did so.

He pointed his tongue and licked it up and down your slit, parting your folds slightly. You ground your hips, trying to get him to enter your as you rolled your nipples between your fingers. Taehyung moved his hands to hold your hips still as he continued teasing you. He pulled your folds into his mouth, teeth raking over the sensitive flesh causing you to shriek in pleasure and increase your efforts in moving your hips. Taehyung nuzzled your clit with his nose before parting your lips slightly and harshly licking a line from your core to your clit before sucking on the bundle of nerves. You were dripping all over his face, your pussy quivering as your best friend worked his sinful magic with his tongue. He lapped at your clit over and over again causing before nibbling slowly on the bundle and you let out a small shriek as you begin cumming all over his tongue.

"Taehyung!" You screamed, Taehyung let go of your hips causing you to buck wildly into his mouth.

As you were coming down from your orgasm, he moved his hands and used his thumbs to spread your lips and stuck his tongue into your core, swirling his tongue before thrusting it in and out, tasting your sweet nectar as the thick juices coated his tongue. You tasted so sweet, almost like the forbidden nectar of the gods. He groaned against you, your pussy clamping around his tongue from your orgasm. Taehyung moved one of his hands to your clit, pinching and pulling on it as he tried to get your to cum again. You screamed as he tugged harshly on your little pearl, falling forward and gripping tightly onto the headboard.

“Stop, oh gods Taehyung please stop” You beg, but Taehyung just thrusts two fingers into you. You wince slightly at the stretch but begin losing yourself into your third, almost painful orgasm from your still sensitive quivering lips as Taehyung thrusts his fingers in wildly, angling them to hit your g-spot with each thrust.

“Beg” Taehyung demands and you fall forward, gripping onto the bed frame as you shake violently over him, thighs quaking on either side of his head. Your eyes roll back into your skull and you try to move away, but one of Taehyung’s hand grips you ass tightly, holding you near him.

“I said beg” Taehyung once against demands, lips vibrating and causing you to shriek in pleasure once again. He pinches your clit with his thumb and forefinger and its more than you can take.

“FUCK! Taehyung! Taehyung make me cum, please. Please I can’t. I need you to make me cum” You sob and Taehyung smirks against your folds at your words.

Taehyung moved his lips to your clit, thrusting his two fingers into your core with newfound energy, twisting and pumping them in. He felt the spongy tissue of your g-spot and grinned before biting down lightly on your clit as he rubbed your g-spot. You stilled above him, your knuckles white as you clenched the headboard. Then with a loud, incoherent scream you gushed all over his tongue, the pain of him biting your clit, the over sensitisation of your sex and pleasure of his fingers against your g-spot making your squirt all over his mouth. Taehyung groaned, moving his mouth over your lips and sucking them as you flooded his mouth. You breathed heavily before falling down and rolling off of him, being careful not to suffocate him with your dripping slit. Although Taehyung couldn't think of a better way to die. You hit your head on the pillow, chest heaving, breasts jiggling slightly as the waves of pleasure continued to rush through your body. Your body convulsed and you shut your thighs as tears dripped down your cheeks.

"We're not done yet baby" Taehyung said softly, brushing the matted hair out of your eyes, taking in the sight of you glistening from sweat and still in the aftershocks of your orgasm. His hands wandered up your knees and spread them before he crawled in between.

"I love you, so much" Taehyung whispers quietly and your heart races and soars at his admission. Hope once against ignites in your chest, especially when he kissed your forehead before slowly entering you. He rubs his cockhead against your entrance and slowly begins pushing in. You let out a small whimper when his sheer girth begins stretching you out. You wince, but lay still, letting him slowly fuck you open with his massive cock. When he’s finally buried deep inside you, you almost feel sick, he’s so deep he’s buried in your guts but you would have it no other way. You feel more connected to him than you ever have and you know after this, you’re completely ruined for anyone else. Taehyung moans in pleasure as your velvety walls wrapped around him.

"I love you too Taehyung. Always. It’s always been you" You confessed back, a tear slipping down your cheek as you wrap your arms around his neck. Taehyung buried his face into the crook between your throat and collarbones, breathing in your scent, eyes rolling back as your pussy clamped around him and then he begins thrusting. He slowly pulls out, whining when he feels your walls grip around each and every inch before thrusting all the way back in.

"Harder Taehyung, give it to me" You begged, Taehyung smirking as he began to thrust harder and faster. You screamed his name as he moved his arms so they were on either side of your head, bracing all his weight on them. He moved his head so that it was on top of yours, watching as you looked up at him, through half lidded eyes, your face contorted in pleasure as he thrust his cock into your, his pelvic bone brushing against your clit with every thrust.

"I'm going to cum again Taehyung" You whispered hoarsely, throat dry and strained from all your screaming. Taehyung lifted one of your legs and placed it on his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper into you. You hissed in pain; you didn’t think it was possible for him to go any deeper and yet there he was. Your legs were spread wide and he was thrusting so hard and deep that there were hints of pain entangled with the pleasure but you could do nothing except just lay and take it.

"Cum around my cock baby" Taehyung urged, speeding up his thrusts before angling them so he hit your g-spot with every plunge of his cock.

"Fuck" You hissed, arching your back as you came. Taehyung latched onto your breast, sucking and teasing your nipple as you milked his cock. Taehyung flipped you over so you were on top of him, dick still buried deep in your pussy. He placed his hands behind his head, watching your breasts sway as you breathed, completely entranced by the way them moved with every breath.

"Ride me babe" Taehyung urged, you moving your hips slowly, grinding lazily against his dick as you lacked enough energy to do anything else. After a few minutes of the slow pace Taehyung grew impatient and moved his hands to your hips. He lifted you up before pulling your down as he thrust up, plunging his dick as deep as he could. You let out a small yelp as he continued his harsh thrusting. You could feel your orgasm approaching fast, your sensitive walls rubbing against Taehyung' dick, the friction almost too much. The sound of sweaty skin slapping filled the bedroom along with your soft whines and Taehyung’s deep, raspy breaths.

"Are you cumming again baby?" Taehyung questioned as your face twisted, your eyelids closing completely as you threw your head back in pleasure. You fell down, your palms on the bed on either side of his head as you struggled to stay up.

"Yes! I'm cumming again" You moaned, Taehyung smiling as he moved one hand to play with your clit roughly before lifting his neck and suckling on the breast that was dangling in front of his face. His other hand manipulated your hips so that you continued moving. You convulsed on top of him again, your voice cracking as you groaned out his name. Taehyung, however wasn’t finished yet. You hoped to the gods above that he was close because you were running out of fumes at this point. No wonder he had a reputation, his stamina was almost unmatched. Taehyung turned you over so you were on your knees. Even he could tell you were nearing your end, both from your heavy breathing and the way your head was resting against the pillow, your ass sticking up into the air. Taehyung grabbed your hips and entered again, you letting out a soft moan, both in pain and pleasure as your swollen pussy gripped and rippled against him uncontrollably.

"Taehyung… last one?" You gasped out, letting him know that you couldn't go on after this.

"Yeah baby, don't worry this is the last I promise" Taehyung said as he began to thrust into you quickly. You weren’t expecting it and with how wet both you and he were, he slid in so easily that he immediately hit the back of your cervix. You let out a small scream as he began a brutal, punishing pace.

Taehyung reached down and grabbed your hair, pulling your head up causing your back to arch downwards as he continued to thrust into you. He watched your fleshy ass bounce and shake as he thrust into you. He moved his other hand across your back before smacking your ass. You screamed out his name, your walls clamping around his cock causing him to groan at the feeling. Taehyung smirked before he spanked your again. He increased the speed of his thrusts, spanking your ass until it was deep red, you bucking your hips in both pain and pleasure. Taehyung kept his grip on your hair, pulling it as he continued to spank you. He felt his orgasm approaching and knew he wouldn't last long. He let go of your hair before bending over you, the speed of his thrusts decreasing, instead plunging into you with long powerful strokes. He moved his hand to between your thighs, rubbing your clit. You let out a shriek as he thrust in particularly deep. One of his hands moved to rub against your stomach and he groaned low into your ear.

“I’m going to cum soon baby. I’m going to cum and fill this belly with all my cum and you’re going to take it aren’t you? Like my good little cum dump, you’re going to let me breed you. Aren’t you baby?” Taehyung asked, his huge hands splayed across your lower belly as his thumb continued brushing against your clit. His words caused your cunt to grip around him once again as you imagined the feeling of him shooting his cum so deep within you.

“Yes, god yes Taehyung fill me up. I want nothing more” You plead and Taehyung chuckles against your ear.

“Whatever you want sweetheart. I’m going to fill you up so good and watch that pretty little pussy drip with my cum” Taehyung promises before he resumes his brutal pace, pinching and rubbing your clit in hard circles. You stilled once again before you arched off the bed, your whole-body shuddering as you squirted once again, all over Taehyung' dick. Taehyung felt your gush around him and couldn't help himself, the speed and power of his thrusts increased, going as fast as he can while you continued to gush.

"Please! Taehyung please cum in me! I can't take it anymore! Please cum in me! Please just cum" You sob, your voice strained and raspy as you plead. Taehyung presses his chest against hard against your back and thrusts in deep, hitting your cervix once again before cumming in you. His palms grip your hips harshly as he pulls you to him, trying to get in as deep as he can go. He lets out a strained roar as he begins filling you up. His cock spurts out his seed, coating your walls in his cum and filling you up completely. He stays in you for the duration of his orgasm, his dick pulsing and twitching as he rides of the aftershocks of his orgasm. When he’s finally finished, Taehyung pulls out his flaccid dick before falling onto the bed, completely spent. You moaned at the feeling of Taehyung' cum dripping out of your before you rolled onto your side, pressed up against his sweaty body.

A small part of you wants to speak about what just happened, but you’re far too exhausted to care at this point so instead, you give into your heavy lids and allow sleep to take you. Taehyung is right next to you as you fall asleep, completely spent and equally passed out. However, your last thought before succumbing to exhaustion is how much you’re dreading what will happen when the sun cums up and the alcohol is out both your systems.

“Oh fuck. Oh, fucking fuck” You hear a voice and you’re immediately roused from sleep. You groan and open your eyes, hissing slightly at the bright light. You sit up and immediately regret your decision as every single one of your muscles protests the movement. You feel stickiness between your legs along with the ache and soreness and immediately you’re wide awake. Last night’s memories come crashing down and you snap your head to the panicking boy, who’s staring at you with horror and regret.

“What the fuck happened last night?” Taehyung rages and you wince at his loud voice. You knewthe alcohol had clouded your judgement and now you were paying the consequences. Of course, it wasn’t all your fault. Taehyung had equally, if not, more of the blame considering he started it from what you recalled. But you were still hoping for something, anythingespecially after his confession last night.

“Well we obviously fucked. Do you not remember?” You ask and Taehyung growls and your heartbeat increases as you remember how he growled at you last night.

“Obviously I fucking remember. God, ____ this is such a mess, what am I going to do?” Taehyung asks and you wonder what he means.

“What do you mean?” You ask stupidly and Taehyung send you a ‘are you serious’ look.

“About Hyorin, ____? What am I supposed to do about Hyorin?” Taehyung asks and you wince.

“Well, you’re going to tell her and break up with her, aren’t you?” You ask and Taehyung scoffs, looking at you as if you had two heads.

“Why would I break up with her? I love her! She can’t know this happened. You can’t tell her. This has to stay between us” Taehyung pleads and you stiffen. Your blood runs cold and you can do nothing but look at him in a completely new light. What did he mean he loved her? Didn’t he confess his love for you yesterday? Was it all just a lie? You can feel the tears well up in your eyes as your heartbreaks for the countless time, all because of Taehyung.

“You… Taehyung how am I supposed to keep this between us? You cheated on your girlfriend. With me. How am I supposed to act as if nothing has changed?” You ask and Taehyung sighs.

“___, it was just sex. Meaningless sex. I love Hyorin. She’s the one I want to marry” Taehyung says and your heart immediately plummets in your chest and suddenly it feels like your chest is caving in and it hurts.Your heart hurtsso much that it’s hard to breathe.

“Mean- Meaningless sex? Taehyung, you told me you loved me” You reply with a broken, almost emotionless voice as your brain tries to comprehend his words.

“I didn’t mean it. At least not in that sense. ____, I’m sorry but last night was a mistake. We were both drinking and we didn’t make the right decisions. I don’t love you. Last night meant nothing” Taehyung says and your worst fears are confirmed.

“But Taehyung, it meant something to me.I love you. I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you. I loveyou” You heartbrokenly confess and Taehyung lets out a deep sigh.

“I know” Taehyung whispers and your head snaps to him, staring at him with bewilderment and fear.

“What? What did you say? You knew? How did you know?” You ask, your voice louder than before. This could not be happening. Within the space of a few words your life was slowly falling apart.

“I knew. At least, I had an idea. Hyorin told me. I didn’t believe her at first but she was convinced and worried about how I would leave her for you. It’s why we haven’t been spending as much time together. I didn’t want to lead you on and… I love Hyorin” Taehyung confesses and despite how much you want to break down and cry, you grit your teeth.

“Excuse me? Did you… did you just admit that you chose Hyorin over me? Because she was fucking worried about me taking you away from her? And you agreed? I was your best fucking friend Taehyung. Despite how long I have loved you, I have never once stood in the way of your happiness and I would never, neverjeopardise your relationship. How could you? I thought you knew me better than that” You seethe, your voice full of dismay and disbelief.

“Yes, well last night definitely jeopardised my relationship, don’t you think” Taehyung sneers and you find yourself reeling.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking put this all on me. I wasn’t even looking to sleep with you yesterday. You, you fucking did this. I was happily going to go home with Yugyeom until you pulled me away. You have just as much blame in this as me” You fume, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“Fuck. Okay listen, last night never fucking happened. I’m sorry. I know you love me, but I don’t… I can’tlove you like that. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry and I hope somehow, we can recover from this. But last night was a mistake. I love Hyorin, I’m so fucking in love with her. Last night may have given you hope, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of my words and I’m so sorry but I regret it all. I don’t want to hurt you, but… I could never love you the way I love her” Taehyung confesses and the last word ring loudly in your head over and over again.

‘I could never love you the way I love her’.

Ten words. Ten whole words strung together with so much meaning. You could never comprehend how much words could rip your life apart. That was until today. Suddenly, you felt completely numb and the ache in your heart simply grows larger and stronger until it is all you can feel. Taehyung is still rambling, but you hear none of it. Instead, all you can hear are those ten words ringing deep in your mind. You need to leave. You need to somehow get out of here or make him leave. You need something, you need space. But most importantly you need him gone.

“Get out” You whisper and Taehyung stops mid rant, looking at you in panic and wide eyed. He notices the blank expression on your face and immediately walks towards you, trying to comfort you. But when his touch once used to soothe the demons in your soul, his touch now simply burns and you can’t help but cowering away. Taehyung’s jerks his hand back, looking at you in fear. You had never once shrunk away from him but here you were, staring at him with an expressionless face and cowering from him and suddenly, he felt as if he were the worst person on this planet. He never wanted to hurt you.

“Iris, I’m sorry” Taehyung begins, but you cut him off with a scoff, blinking away the hot tears.

“Don’t. Don’t call me that. I’m not your Iris, I’m not your anything. Please just leave” You say and your words burn into Taehyung’s being. His eyes are wide and suddenly he wants to cry beside you.

“No, please. Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say that. You’re my Iris, my best friend. ____ please, please don’t run away from me” Taehyung pleads, he wants to reach out and touch you but he knows it’s the last thing you want. You notice your state of undress and suddenly you feel sick and dirty and all you want to do is shower and remove the scent and feel of him off of your skin. You pick up your sheets and cling them tightly to you, as if they are your last line of defence.

“No. No I’m not. Not anymore. I can’t be your best friend anymore, I can’t be your Iris. I don’t think you understand Taehyung. I have been in love with you for six years now. You have owned every inch of my heart for six years and I’m tired. I’m emotionally exhausted and completely drained. I’m tired of you breaking my heart. I thought… I thought I could deal with it, but after yesterday after your words today, I can’t. I love you, but I love myself more. And I need you gone, out of my room and out of my life. Please” You plead and Taehyung feels a sharp pain in his chest at the completely exhaustion and defeat in your voice and the way tears simply fall from your eyes. But you don’t notice them, instead you’re simply staring blankly at him. Except you’re not looking at him, but through him. It’s as if you can’t see him, that he’s completely removed from your life.

“I… I’ll go. But I’m not leaving your life. I’ll leave your room but please. You’re my best friend, I need you. Please don’t leave me” Taehyung pleads but you don’t respond. You’re too tired to respond, so you choose to not say anything. You vaguely register him gathering his clothes before walking towards your bedroom door.

“I need to go see Hyorin… but this conversation isn’t over. I don’t want to lose you” Taehyung says, conviction in his voice and then he leaves. He disappears through the door and it may not seem like it for him, but for you, that’s your final goodbye. By the time you respond, he’s long gone and far from ear shot and your words fall on deaf ears in the silence of your bedroom.

“You’ve already lost me”

In a way, you think you’re lucky that whatever happened, happened at the time it did. You had slept with Taehyung a few days before your university broke up for the holidays. But considering it had happened during the second term, it also meant that you were officially done with classes and all that was left was for you to sit your exams and then graduate. Which consequently meant, that if you played it right, you’d never have to see Taehyung ever again. The decision was hard to make. But as you sat in the quiet of your room, the day Taehyung had walked out after your one-night stand; you decided that you were too tired, too drained to continue loving him. Especially when it was unrequited.

So, you used your newfound heartache and directed it to something productive. You pushed Taehyung and your feelings as far out of your mind as you could and instead you directed all your energy into revising for your finals. You barely spent any time in your apartment, instead choosing to practically live in the library. The only time you were home was to shower and catch some quick sleep but then you were gone. Before anyone noticed you were home. Before Taehyung could find you. You spent the past few months doing nothing but revising and studied and it had all paid off. You had just finished your final exam and it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

But now that you were done with your exams, you had nothing else to focus on. You had nothing else to run to in order to distract you from your woeful unrequited love. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t run away. You thanked your lucky star that Taehyung’s art and photography exam was about to start, just as you finished, which meant that the house was most likely empty unless Jimin was home. Subsequently, that also meant you had a couple of hours to pack up all your things and move out before anyone could stop you. Sure, you’d have to be back in a few months for the graduation ceremony and then once again to complete your Masters, but for now it was enough time to begin getting over Taehyung. To put even more distance between the two of you. A vacation was exactly what you needed.

You quickly rushed back to your apartment, letting out a breath of relief when you found the home empty. You quickly gathered some boxes and your suitcases, packing everything as quick as you could. Mainly the essentials; you figured you could get the rest of it some other time. Or even have Jimin send them to you. A couple hours later you had packed everything you’d need for a long vacation away and the rest of the stuff were in boxes for you to collect when you were ready. Your flight was booked, even if it had decimated the entirety of your bank account but you figured you could find a job at Jeju Island to get you by. Plus, you had some savings that you could make use of for a few weeks. You grabbed your suitcase and opened your bedroom door but only came face to chest with someone. You steeled yourself and looked up before letting out a shriek of relief.

“Fucking hell! Park Jimin, don’t you ever scare me like that again!” You scream, smacking him in the middle of the chest. Jimin however doesn’t move, instead he’s looking at you with a sad smile.

“You were really going to leave without saying goodbye?” He asks quietly and you feel the pang of guilt in your chest. Jimin was a good man. And an even better friend. He had tried to help you and while you may have not been as close to him as you had been with Taehyung; he was still a friend you cherished. And you’d miss him. You knew you would.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t take any chances” You say apologetically and Jimin nods before entering. He looks around at the empty room littered with boxes before sitting down on your completely stripped bed.

“I never realised how big and empty this room could be. It looks… dead without all your stuff” Jimin says quietly and you bite your lip, unsure what to say. You need to get out as soon as possible or risk Taehyung coming back and catching you. You assume Jimin notices your shiftiness and restlessness because he lets out a small, humourless chuckle.

“He’s not going to be back for a while don’t worry. He’s out with Hyorin” Jimin says and he spits her name with so much venom that even youwince.

“Jimin… I’m sorry” You whisper and Jimin shakes his head, his shoulders shaking with rage before he explodes.

“No! You’re not the one at fault! It’s Taehyung and that stupid bitch who’s turning him against all his friends. She’s manipulative. So, fucking manipulative and he doesn’t even see it. You know she stopped him from seeing me? I’m a bad influence apparently, just because I bring home a lot of women. It’s not as if he sleeps with them. God, I hate her and now you’re leaving because of her and him and I hate them even more” Jimin fumes and you put your bag down and approach him, hugging him tightly.

“Don’t say that. He’s your best friend and he’s going to need you. I need you to look out for him Jimin. Please, for me” You ask and Jimin shakes his head, fists clenched at his sides.

“No! I don’t want to! He’s pushed you away and he’s going to regret it so fucking much. I know you slept together and I know exactly what happened the next day. I heard it all. These walls are so fucking thin and I fucking heard how he confessed his love and I was so fucking happy. But then I heard what that idiotsaid the next day and how he said it and I know… I fucking knowhow much he broke your heart and he’s a fucking coward. He loves you. I fucking know he does but he’s so far up her ass he can’t even see it. But he’s going to fucking regret it. I know he is. Right now, he thinks he can still make it up with you despite it being three fucking months but he can’t. And now you’re leaving and he’s going to see just how much he fucked up and I’m glad. He’s such a fucking coward and I don’t fucking know who he is anymore.” Jimin seethes, mouth practically foaming in rage and you have no words to calm him down.

“I know. I know this all Jimin but I’m leaving and no matter what he’s done he’s still our best friend and he needs us. He needs youbecause I can’t be here for him anymore. I can’t do it without losing my sanity. But despite it all, I still fucking love him and it hurts. It hurts so much and I need to go away but I can’t if I know he’s alone. So please, Park Jimin, promise me you’ll look after him even if it’s from afar. I know him and I know he’ll try and run after me and he’ll look for me and feel so guilty he won’t be able to sleep or eat, but I needyou to look after him. Make sure he eats, make sure he sleeps, make sure he doesn’t break down. I need you to do that for me, please” You beg, your tone laced with desperation and Jimin sighs before pulling you in for a hug.

“You are a beautiful human being and if there was one thing Taehyung got right, it was that no one deserves you. Not even him. But fine, for you, I’ll look after him. Just make sure you keep in touch? If not with him, with me. It doesn’t have to be often. Just every now and then drop me a text that lets me know you’re alright. Please” Jimin pleads and you nod against his chest, hugging him tighter to you.

“I promise. I have to go now, I’ve got a flight to catch. Take care of Taehyung and please take care of yourself” You say and Jimin nods from above your head.

“Take care of yourself too. And find someone else. Find someone better and fall in love again and make sure they love you back. You deserve that and so much more. So please, just find someone. Don’t close yourself to love” Jimin advises and you take his words to heart, silently promising yourself to move on and find someone worth your time. Someone who won’t break your heart.

“I promise. Now I really have to go or I’m going to miss my flight. Goodbye Jimin” You call out, waving bye before leaving. Jimin watches you walk out of the apartment once and for all and he can’t help but feel as if he’s lost a part of home. Even if you weren’t super close, he knew he’d miss coming home to you doing yoga, or returning to you watching the most random TV series on Netflix. Despite everything, you were still a piece of his home and now that you were gone, the house felt emptier than it should have.

You had once assumed you’d always be in love with Taehyung. But the longer you spend in Jeju, away from him and with his callous words still ringing in your mind, the easier you find it to slowly move on. Taehyung’s words hurt, but the more nights you spend awake at three am thinking about them, the more you realise it would probably never work. The more you realise all he did was take you for granted. You didn’t care that Taehyung didn’t love you back, at least not anymore. What bothered you so much was how he handled everything, the way he threw his words heartlessly, without any thought you how you felt. The more you thought back to your relationship, the more you realised that was often the case. Taehyung was one to speak first and think and apologise later. Of course, he had never meant it to be malicious and he couldn’t intentionally hurt a fly. But that didn’t mean it was excusable, especially when his words and tone were cruel enough to completely dismiss your feelings.

You sigh in fatigue before checking your phone; 1:18am it read and you curse Taehyung for another sleepless night. You were practically nocturnal at this point, staying up all night surrounded by thoughts of the entire Taehyung dilemma. You rubbed your face and got out of bed, deciding to take a walk down the beach pier. Not that anyone really used it so late at night bar a few stragglers. You quickly get dressed before leaving the safety of your Airbnb. You made your way down towards the beach, the walk almost second nature to you. You had found a job working at the pier; considering it was summer it meant that the place was packed with tourists and businesses were more than happy for the extra help.

You walk along the pier, looking at the various arcades, all shut and completely dark. It’s completely different to the usual scene you’re met when you work nights, with bright prismatic lights illuminating the pier from the various attractions. But then again, it’s nearing 4am so why would they be on or even open currently. You’re about to turn back when a very familiar noise draws your attention. It’s the arcade-restaurant you work at and for some reason, the lights of the games are all flashing and on. The sight is particularly peculiar considering the rest of the pier is completely dead and silent. Curiosity wins you over and you decide to investigate.

You enter the arcade and come face to side with a boy who looks roughly the same age as you. He’s giggling to himself as he plays the first-person shooter game, drawing up more points than you’ve ever seen. You assume he’s going for the record and can’t help but think that with his skills, he definitely will break it. He’s got dark chocolate hair that falls into his eyes softly and wide, round almond almost doe like eyes. His ears are pierced multiple times, at least from the angle you see him at and he’s got soft pink, albeit slightly thin lips. His jaw is strong and defined and from the thin t-shirt you can tell his arms are completely muscular and packed with muscle. His chest looks well defined and his thighs even more so, the muscles bulging and rippling in his tight trousers. He giggles, his face scrunching adorably and he’s got the cutest, almost rabbit-esque smile and you wonder if it was possible to be enchanted by teeth.

All in all, he’s completely opposite to Taehyung.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you know this place is closed” He says, looking at you with a slight mischievous look, his game awaiting him to place in some more tokens before he can continue. You raise an eyebrow and shrug.

“Of course, I do. I work in the restaurant in the day time. I was merely curious as to why the lights were on and why the music was playing. So, tell me, don’t youknow this place is closed? So technically, aren’t you breaking and entering?” You question and he laughs once again, the sound rings in your head and your brain goes blank. It’s a wonderful sound, soft and sweet, yet with a lower note to it that has you completely enthralled.

“I don’t think it’s possible for me to break and enter into my own restaurant or arcade. Well technically, my dad owns it. But you catch me drift” He says with a wink and you roll your eyes; you approach him with less caution, watching as he inserts the token and resumes his game.

“Ah, the owner’s son. Why didn’tI guess that? So, you any good?” You ask and he throws you a lopsided grin.

“I’ll have you know, I’m the seventh-year reigning champion. I come down here every summer to just chill out and play games. Every record in the arcade belongs to me. All I have to do is beat myself each year to ensure I remain reigning champion” he boasts and you scoff at his misplaced sense of achievement. Then again, holding a record for seven years is definitely something impressive. Especially a record for every single game. You guess his sense of achievement isn’t so misplaced after all.

“So, what are you doing here? It’s unusual for women to be walking alone so late at night. Not that you shouldn’t. I’m sure you can defend yourself perfect and wait, not that you should haveto defend yourself but you knowsome people are pricks. You know what, I’m just going to shut up” he rambles and suddenly all his bravado is gone and you’re left with an adorably shy guy, his lips slightly pouting and his cheeks flushed.

“Cute” You whisper without meaning to and you quickly clamp your hands over your mouth, but he hears it and all he does is laugh.

“So, you think I’m cute?” He asks and giggling when you shake your head in panic.

“I could say the same about you. I’m Jungkook by the way. Jeon Jungkook” Jungkook introduces and you not to him.

“____. Kim ____. Nice to meet you Jungkook-ssi” You greet back and he sends you a bright smile, eyes crinkling in the corner.

“So, you wanna join? Perks of being the owner’s son is I get all the free, unlimited tokens I want” Jungkook says, wiggling his eyebrows and despite yourself, you let out a small snort.

“Of course, you do and sure why not, I have nothing better to be doing” You accept, taking him up on his offer and Jungkook immediately stops shooting, bringing a quick end to his game. The screen counts down before the dramatic ‘You Died’ screen pops up.

“I hope you feel special, I don’t just selfishly sacrifice myself for just anyone” Jungkook teases and you stick your tongue out at him.

“I didn’t askyou to do that, though did I?” You mock and Jungkook rolls his eyes before he enters some more tokens, this time for both of you.

“Is this how my kindness is repaid? With mockery? Oh, my poor wounded heart” Jungkook jests, a dramatic hand on his heart as he scrunches up his face in mock pain. You once again stick your tongue out at him before gesturing to the game.

“Oh, come on Bun Boy, let’s just play” You joke and Jungkook throws a fake affronted look.

“Bun Boy? Now you’re really going to get it Kim. I refuse to go easy on you” Jungkook threatens and you let out a small laugh.

“Alright, bring it on Jeon” You challenge and soon the two of you begin playing your game.

You spend the entire night laughing and playing various different arcade games before Jungkook offers you a walk on the beach just because. You talk about nothing and yet you talk about everything. Each conversation is completely meaningless and yet that in itself has meaning. You don’t tell him about Taehyung, you don’t tell him anything of true substance and yet by the end, you feel you know Jungkook almost as well as you know Taehyung and you feel he knows you just as well. You don’t think you’ve felt so carefree in years, it’s like all your problems have disappeared for a night. Jungkook is like a breath of fresh air, full of life and jokes and his slightly weirdtendencies have you cracking up, like the way he randomly screeches some inhumane noises, or how he randomly dances or twerks. Not once do you think of Kim Taehyung. There is not a single moment where he even crosses your mind. It’s early into the morning when you find yourself sitting on the beach with him, facing the sunrise.

Jungkook has long since crashed, his body curled up next to you, hair full of sand as he lets out small high-pitched snores. You however, still aren’t able to sleep. But not for any other reason than that for the first time in months, you’ve felt completely alive. It’s as if the one night with Jungkook has completely recharged your battery. You know longer feel restless or emotionally drained. All the small meaningless conversations with Jungkook puts everything into perspective. Everything passes. Everything goes. And you finally realise that Taehyung too will pass. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply, smelling the refreshing salted air. You feel the warmth of the sun and you open your eyes, smiling at the amber lit sky, the colours of dawn painted across the sky.

You can’t help but feel as if this is a new beginning.

“Where is she?” Taehyung asks and Jimin simply rolls his eyes.

“Jimin please, you have to tell me. I have to find her! She’s been gone for weeks. I haveto find her” Taehyung pleads and Jimin scoffs at him.

“Why? Haven’t hurt her enough?” Jimin taunts and Taehyung flinches at the harsh tone of his best friend’s voice.

“I know. I know I made some mistakes, but I have to find her and make things right. Please… I can’t… I can’t lose her” Taehyung says dejectedly and Jimin’s ire once again rises.

“Fuck you Taehyung. Fuck you and your god damn role of playing the victim. It was youractions that forced her to run away. You were so fucking awful to her and don’t think I don’t fucking know” Jimin begins and Taehyung’s eyes widen slightly.

“Jimin-“ Taehyung tries to cut him off but Jimin shakes his head.

“No. No! You willfucking listen to me and only when I’m done will you speak” Jimin seethes and Taehyung immediately shuts up, knowing that Jimin is the last person you’d want to anger when already angry.

“I was there. I was fucking there when I watched you drag her away from Yugyeom and I thought, finally. Finally,he realises just exactly what he feels but just in case I followed you home and when I got here, I heardyou fuck her. I heardyou tell her you loved her and I heard her finally confess her love for you and once again I thought, finally. Maybe I won’t have to watch you slowly break that poor girl apart with your dumb one-night stands and then even more with your relationship with Hyorin. I thought that finally, ____ would get the happiness she deserves. I have watchedher be in love with you for almost as long as she’s known you. I have watched you break her apart with every one-night stand and then I watched her break apart every time, every single fucking timeyou ditched her for Hyorin. And you know what?” Jimin stop his tirade and takes in a deep breath before he continues.

“She never fucking complained. She just took all the hurt you dished out and she never once demanded anything from you. She nevercomplained and the gods know she was well within her fucking right to do so. Youabandoned her. You chose Hyorin, Hyorinof all people over her, the girl who has stood by your side no matter what, who has loved you unconditionally for as long as she’s known what love is. And you threwit all aside for Hyorin. And then how do you repay her? By sleeping with her and then trying to blame it all on her so that you can save your farce of a relationship. Just like I heard you fuck her, I heard you tell her you could neverlove her the next day. How the fuck do you think that made her feel? When you so recklessly threw aside her own feelings and used your words so callously to make her feel so small. She ran away to get away from you. To get away from all the pain you caused her. You didn’t fucking see her the day she left. How tired she looked, how fucking exhausted and lifeless she was. But I did. I fucking saw it and my heart broke her for all over again. So fucking tell me Kim Taehyung, do you deserve to even think about losing her?” Jimin finally spat out, ending his rant and Taehyung looked so lost and broken that Jimin almostregretted his words. But then he remembered you and the shell of a person you had become and he was angry all over again.

“I know. I know what I did. I know what I said. You don’t have to remind me because I know. It haunts me every night that I could have hurt her like that. I… that night was the best night of my life but I was so convinced Hyorin was the one that I hurt the only girl I have ever cared about. And I regret it. I regret is so fucking much Jimin. I… I love her and I know, I know I don’t get to say that now. It shouldn’t have taken me losing her to find out just how much she means to me but I miss her. I miss her so fucking much and it hurts. It fucking hurts. But I need to find her, I need to tell her what I feel and I need to at least try and make amends because not having her here is making me lose my fucking mind. I can’t be without her. I can’t fucking lose her Jimin” Taehyung rants, his voice is filled with need and desperation but Jimin simply shakes his head.

“I’m sorry Taehyung, but I still can’t tell you where she is. Mainly because she hasn’t told me. I’m sorry it took you all this to finally realise what you feel, but it may be too late. You’ve already lost her” Jimin says, his tone final and then he walks away.

By the time you return from Jeju Island, you’ve spent slightly more than two happy, carefree months with Jungkook. There was not a single night or day where you hadn’t spent some semblance of time with him. During afternoons, he’d join you and help wait tables in his father’s restaurant and then once you were both off of work, he’d whisk you away on some new adventure that would leave you completely exhilarated and breathless. There were days when he’d take you hiking through the woods or on other days he’d take you fishing at night. It seemed that every day was a new experience with Jungkook and you were deeply enjoying your time with him.

A month into your holiday, Jungkook had done something you had both anticipated and dreaded.

{Flashback – A month ago}

You’re lying in a small meadow, just off the roadside, overlooking the mountains and sea that surround Jeju. It’s not exactly the most ideal spot considering you’re just opposite a road, but the cars that drive past are so scarce that it doesn’t even register in your mind. Jungkook had parked his car somewhere of the side and now you two were simply laying on the grass, surrounded by beautiful purple blossoms. You breathe in the fresh air, so reminiscent of the sea salted air of Busan and yet so different from the place you called home in Seoul. The scent of grass accompanied by the scent of the sea has you feeling nostalgic and maudlin. Back to the days when life had been easier, when Taehyung hadn’t hurt you so deeply and when you were just friends, nothing more.

It’s been so long since you’ve thought of Taehyung. The hurt is still there but it’s no longer as fresh or raw. His words don’t stab at your heart anymore. Instead, they’ve left a dull ache of a wound that is slowly healing. Thoughts of Taehyung don’t send you plummeting into despair anymore. Instead, they leave you with a weird sense of nostalgia and ache. An ache for the feelings that you’ve lost, an ache for your best friend. Nothing more. You’ve long since accepted that you and Taehyung were not meant to be, nor could you ever be. There was too much bad blood, too much hurt. You were willing to forgive, but you could never forget.

“Wanna tell me what’s occupying that pretty little head of yours?” Jungkook asks, breaking you out of your inner musings. You send him a wistful smile and he notices the expression, one you’ve worn very often but have refused to divulge your secrets. Jungkook recognises the signs of someone running away from their problem, but he’s also noticed you slowly become more open with him, slowly become livelier and so he’s left it. He trusts that you know what’s best for you and that you’re dealing with your problems in your own way.

“Just stuff from home. Every now and then I think about it and it still hurts, but each day it gets better. It hurts less. It certainly hurts less than it did when I got here” You say, a genuine bright smile on your face and Jungkook smiles at your cheeriness.

“Have I been any help?” He asks, more so in a teasing tone because he would never presume that he was the answer to all your problems. But your expression once again turns reflective and there’s a certain bliss to your features that there wasn’t before, a certain lightness to your eyes.

“You’re joking, but yes. You’ve helped a lot. Thank you” You reply, genuine gratitude lacing your voice and Jungkook is instantly floored, unable to say anything. He doesn’t think he’s done anything great; all he knows is that he loves spending time with you. All he knows is that he wants to continue spending time with you, whether it was watching you attempt to break his arcade records, or sharing leftovers from the restaurant, or even if it was laying on some grass by the roadside. He wanted many more adventures with you, many more late nights and many more days spent doing anything and everything under the sun.

“Let’s go out” Jungkook says suddenly and you raise your eyebrow at him before giggling.

“We areout. But where do you want to go?” You ask curiously and he shakes his head.

“No, I mean. Let’s date. I want to take you out. On a real date. With romantic intentions” Jungkook elaborate and you stiffen, looking at him with wide eyes.

Your feelings were in complete chaos, a part of you, the broken part, wanted to run; because no matter how much you’ve forgiven him and how much you want to be over him, Taehyung has left his scars on you. Scars that will never heal. Scars tell you that you won’t ever be loved the way you want to. And you dread that. You dread falling in love with someone, giving someone everything you have only for them to leave. You somehow survived Taehyung, you doubt you’ll survive someone else leaving. You doubt you’ll survive Jungkook leaving.

But another part of you, the bigger part of you that is healed; the part that heeds Jimin’s advice, wants you to dive straight into him. It wants you to experience a love with is completely reciprocated. It wants you to experience happiness, and joy and most of all it wants you to experience love. Even if Jungkook doesn’t end up being the one, that part of you wants to try. To move on once and for all. Not everyone is Taehyung. Not everyone is going to hurt you so deeply. You rationalise that. You know that. And yet, a part of you still fears; still holds you back.

Another part of you feels guilty. You’re not completely over Taehyung. There are still residual feelings and this part of you, doesn’t want to use Jungkook as a rebound. This part of you understands that Jungkook’s feelings are pure and this part doesn’t want you taking advantage of those feelings in order to move on. It’s wrong and Jungkook doesn’t deserve that. He’s sweet, still full of life and so, somuch stronger than you. He’s experienced his own disillusionment of love; his last girlfriend cheated. And yet here he was, so ready and willing to dive head first into you, someone who was still haunted by her past love. He was stronger than you could ever be.

“You’re not saying anything. If you don’t want to, just say so. It’s not that big a deal” Jungkook says with a shrug but you can see the slight nervousness in his eyes. It is a big deal. It’s bigger than he could ever know. Were you willing to put yourself in that position again? You had no idea. But… maybe you just owed it to yourself to try. To explain why you’re so wary and why you both want to and don’t want to date him. So, you do. Explain that is.

You come clean about everything. You tell him about Taehyung, you tell him about how you fell in love and how you were always just the best friend. You tell him about the day he gets a girlfriend, and then all the times he’s left you for her. You tell him about the night you fuck and then the huge blow up the day after. You tell him about how you ran away to Jeju and then met him. You tell him about how much he unknowingly healed you and why you’re so reluctant to date him, even if you want to. You don’t want to hurt him and you don’t want to use him. You tell him everything and Jungkook just listens. He listens and listens and then when you’re done he pulls you close and hugs you until the tears are all dried and you’re left with nothing but feelings of safety and comfort, wrapped up in Jungkook’s embrace.

“I don’t want to be hurt anymore” You confess with a sniffer and Jungkook nods, his chin resting on the top of your head. He holds you tighter and presses a soft kiss against your temple.

“I know. I know baby. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry he was too much of an idiot to realise how amazing you are. But his loss, is still my gain. I want to date you. I want you to be mine. I want to show you what it means to love and be loved; I want to show you the joys of being in love. I can’t promise you it’ll all be sunshine and rainbows. But my god ____, I can promise that I won’t everhurt you the way he did. So, forget everything else and tell me what you want. If you want to try, I’m here. If you don’t feel ready, then I’ll still be here; I’ll wait until you’re ready. Because I want you. I want everything about you. I want your smile, your tears, your heartache but most importantly your love. I want it all” Jungkook says and you have no idea how he does it, but once again it’s like a huge burden is lifted off your shoulders. Jungkook is far stronger than you could ever hope to be. But a part of you wonders, that maybe, just maybeif you stick by him, he’ll lend you some of that strength.

So, you say yes.

And he kisses you.

{End of Flashback}

Now it’s been almost two and a half months since you’ve been in Jeju and it’s time you went back. Graduation was in a week; you had gotten your results two week before hand and surprisingly, you’d passed all your modules. You were getting a degree. You had immediately run to Jungkook and the two of you had celebrated with a quick picnic on the beach, Jungkook snatching a bottle of wine from the restaurant’s wine cellar. You had packed up all your things and were finally ready to head back to Seoul and face real life. You couldn’t run from your life; something Jungkook had reminded you of everyday.

“Ready to go?” Jungkook asked, his own bag packed with him. You smiled at him and nodded. You turned to the flat once again, smiling nostalgically before you turned off all the lights and deposited the keys where they were supposed to be. He grabbed your bag and carried it towards the taxi waiting for the two of you. Jungkook was returning with you for two reasons. The first being, to your great surprise, was that he too attended university in Seoul and therefore, he too had to return back to everyday life. The second being, that he really wanted to watch you graduate.

There was very little you could refuse Jungkook and so you had accepted, more than happy to be returning with him. You had worried about needed to return to Seoul. You had come to develop a deep fondness for Jungkook. It wasn’t love yet, you were still wary and Jungkook understood. He was in a similar position. But that didn’t mean you weren’t particularly fond of each other. For now, it was more than enough. There was no way to say what the future entailed, but you had some hope that you’d somehow last.

Your feelings for Jungkook were day and night in comparison to your feelings for Taehyung. You weren’t consumed with a burning want like you had for Taehyung; instead you were filled with a small need for him. The need to tell him how your day went, to the need to touch him whether it be a small brush of your hands or his arms around you in bed. You were filled with the need to see him smile and to see him flourish and you were assured the feelings were reciprocated. Being with Jungkook was one of the best things to ever happen to you and you were soglad you had run away and found him.

But now, it was time to go home.

A small part of you dreaded returning. You had no idea what was happening; sure, you’d kept in touch with Jimin, dropping him texts every now and then but you never asked about Taehyung and he never bothered telling you. You were going back blind and it filled you with nervousness. You’d messaged Jimin, letting him know you’d be moving back in. Jimin was ecstatic, but he questioned whether it was wise. You weren’t entirely sure yourself. But you were done running, that was your home as much as it was Taehyung’s and you were not giving it up. Besides, you sincerely hoped that you and Taehyung could move on and continue being friends. Of course, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem once he realised you’d moved on and he could happily be with Hyorin.

However, only time would tell.

“I can’t believe you’re back! I missed you so much! Tell me everything, how was Jeju?” Jimin bounces over to you, happiness radiating off of him as he greets you with a hug. You let out a small laugh and hug him back once you place your bags down.

“I can’t believe I’m back either. I missed you too! Can I unpack first? My room is still available right. I didn’t even ask before dropping you a text telling you I was moving back in” You say apologetically and Jimin shakes his head.

“We rented out your room for a bit, but your stuff is still there and your name is still on the lease so it’s all good. Do you need any… help unpacking?” Jimin trails off when Jungkook enters your shared apartment. He gives Jimin a shy smile and Jimin’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. He turns to look at you, gaping like a fish as he flicks between you and Jungkook.

“Babe, where do you want this?” Jungkook asks and Jimin splutters. You send him a weird look before pointing your room out to Jungkook.

“Down there, Kook. I’ll come help in a bit” You say and Jungkook nods as he grabs your stuff and his before taking it into your room. Once he’s out of earshot, Jimin rounds on you.

“Who is that? Is he staying here? Whatthe fuck happened in Jeju? Are you over Taehyung?” Jimin rapidly questions and you reel back slightly before laughing at him as you pat his shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“That Jungkook… my boyfriend I guess. He’s staying for a short while; his apartment is still being room is still being rented to some summer tenants so he has to wait it out. So much happened in Jeju but the main thing was that I started seeing Jungkook. And I don’t think I’ll everbe over Taehyung, but I’m better. Definitely much better” You say with a soft smile and Jimin raises his eyebrow.

“Does Jungkook know?” Jimin asks and you send him an agitated look.

“Of course, he knows. I wouldn’t keep such a big thing from him. He knows all about Taehyung and he’s super understanding. It’s more that I deserve” You reply and Jimin scowls at you.

“Don’t do that. You deserve more than you think you do. But damn, all hell is going to break loose when Taehyung returns” Jimin says and you frown, eyebrows furrowed as you ponder his words.

“What do you mean? Why would all hell break loose?” You ask but before he could answer, the front door clicks open and Taehyung enters holding grocery bags.

“Hey Jimin, the store didn’t have your favourite ramen so I got another type-“ Taehyung begins but he stops short when his head lifts up and he meets your gaze. Time seems to stand still as the two of you look at each other. Taehyung’s is one of shock while a small unsure smile is painted upon your lips. It’s been almost half a year since you’ve seen Taehyung. You avoided him like the plague during exam season and then you disappeared to Jeju Island. He’s still as beautiful as the day he walked out of your room. Except now, his mullet is gone and in place a shorter version; and his hair is no longer blonde but back to its natural dark colouring.

“Is… is that really you?” Taehyung asks and you not shyly, unsure why you’re so unnerved. Taehyung immediately drops his bags and stalks over to you and before you know it, his arms are wrapped around you, pulling you close to his chest and encasing you in his embrace. You breathe out a sigh of relief and hug back. Maybe this would be easier than you imagined.

“Surprise!” You say quietly but Taehyung ignored it, instead he holds you at arm’s length and takes in every inch of your appearance.

“I can’t believe it’s you. I can’t believe you’re back. I missed you. I missed you so much, please don’t ever leave me again. I love you” Taehyung confesses and you freeze, your brain short circuiting for a bit but before you can respond, Taehyung’s lips are locked against yours. Your eyes widen in shock and you stand stock-still for a couple moments before your brain registers exactly what is happen. You quickly struggle against his hold and finally managed to break away, pushing him off of you. Taehyung looks at you in shock and you regard him in disbelief and anger.

“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just kiss me like that Kim Taehyung! What made you think that was okay?” You cry, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“What? Why not? I love you. I’m sorry, I was such an idiot before and it took you leaving for me to realise just what I feel for you. I know it sounds like a cop out and you have no reason to believe me after what I said, but I dolove you. And I’m willing to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you” Taehyung says and you scoff in incredulity.

“Are you fucking kidding me Kim Taehyung? You’re right I don’t believe you. I don’t want to believe you. You told me you could neverlove me the way you love Hyorin. Speaking of, where is she? We made the mistake of cheating once, I won’t do it again” You spit out, ire rising with each passing moment. How could he do this to you? You were finallymoving on and here he was, throwing a wrench in your work. Well you wouldn’t allow it, you refuseto be a part of his game anymore.

“I broke up with her. I was an idiot. Such an idiot, I never should have ditched you. I never should have distanced myself from you. I love you. I love you so much and I know you love me. So please, just give me a chance” Taehyung pleads, reaching one hand out to grab yours. You pull it away and shake your head at him.

“Yeah, you were. But that’s in the past. I can’t give you a chance anymore. I’m sorry, you lost that the minute you walked out of my door that day. You left me completely broken. You hurt me, in a way I never expected you to. I’m fine now, I got over it. But I’m sorry to say Taehyung… I don’t love you anymore” You whisper and you yourself are startled by the truth of your words. But it’s true. You don’tlove him anymore. All those feelings are replaced by placid feelings of fondness for your best friend and nothing else.

“No. No, you don’t mean that. You love me. You’ve loved me for years. You can’t be over me so easily. It’s only been half a year. You love me. Please tell me you love me” Taehyung begs, tears pooling in his eyes and a part of you aches for him. You know exactly what he’s feeling; the desperation to be loved by the one you love. But you couldn’t offer him that solace anymore.

“I can’t. I can’t say that, because it’s not true. I love you Taehyung, but not in that way. Not anymore. That’s what happens when you’re hurt that muchby the person you love. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry to do this and I hope one day we can go back to being friends. But any romantic notion of me and you, died that day Taehyung” You say with a small sob, you hadn’t even registered you were crying. But these tears aren’t for yourself. These are for Taehyung. These tears are for the heart you know you’re breaking with your words. But you can’t lead him on. You can’t do what he did to you for so long.

“NO! No! Please, I love you” Taehyung implores and you desperately wish he had done this months ago. But it’s too late now. His confession is far too delayed and you can’t help but wonder if you and Taehyung were cursed with nothing but missed opportunities and incorrect timing. In another world, in another life, you could see yourself with Taehyung. But not in this life. Not in this world. You were happy with Jungkook and you weren’t going to give that up.

“Is everything okay?” Jungkook asks as he walks our wearily, he regards Taehyung with a guarded expression before his eyes fall onto you. His eyes widen in panic at your tear streaked face; he quickly walks over to you and pull you into him. His hand cups your cheek and lifts your chin up to look at him.

“____? Are you okay baby? What’s wrong?” Jungkook ask and the concern etched onto his face only makes you cry harder. You’re convinced you don’t deserve him, but you’d be damned if you were letting him go. So, you do the only thing you can. You pull him into a kiss and pour out all your emotions into it. It’s not love and Jungkook knows it, but right now it’s the closest thing to it and he’ll take it.

“Take me away. We can unpack later, but right now. I just want to watch the sunset with you” You whisper and Jungkook immediately nods. He runs into your room and grabs both your jacket before he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him. He waves Jimin goodbye and regards Taehyung with an apologetic look before leading you out of your flat. You stop briefly and turn to Taehyung.

“I’m sorry Taehyung. I really am” You whisper and then Jungkook shuts the door.

This time, Taehyung watches you leave. His chest feels likes its being caved in and he’s filled with despair. He watches you leave with Jungkook, your hands entwined and he wants nothing more than to be in his place. But he saw the hint of love in your eyes when you looked at Jungkook. It’s not as strong as how you used to look at him, but it’s there and his heart shatters. When he finally hears the door shut, he knows that this is the end. You’ve walked out of his life, once and for all. There’s no more you and Taehyung. He lost that right a while ago. Doubt clouds his mind and he ponders the what ifs. What if he realised his feelings sooner, what if he ran after you? What if he’d never walked out that day? Maybe, just maybe he’d have you in his arms right now.

But he can’t change the past.

He can’t change the inkling of love you have for Jungkook.

He can’t make you love him again.

And Taehyung briefly wonders, how do you cope with losing something you both had and didn’t have?

A/N: This AU took everything out of me. So I hope you enjoyed that!

Masterlist

[judelaw]

Hey! I have two questions for you. Firstly, if you could learn anything about Jude, what would you want to learn? Secondly, how and when did you become a fan of him? Love this page!!

In the early summer of 2010, my mum and I rented a Sherlock Holmes DVD from the store because we had heard it’s a good film and needed something to watch that evening. I already knew Jude’s name and that he’s actor but because I never cared about celebrities (and still don’t care lmao) I didn’t know what he looked like. I had seen A.I. in 2002 but I was like 7 at that time so I was way more focused on the talking teddy bear than the robot prostitute.

I was sitting on the floor in our living room (I suppose because I was cuddling our dog), looked up to the TV, saw this

and thought “Holy shit, so that’s Jude Law, huh?”. I really loved the film and especially Watson so much that I decide to start reading the books, however, because I was too deep into my anime phase at that point, I didn’t start reading them until early 2011. Because so much time had past in-between watching the film and reading the books, my brain created its own vision of what the characters look like - except for Watson. He stuck out to me so much that I was unable (or unwilling lmao) to make up my own version. Reading the books (or the book, I believe I had only read The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes at that point) I started to love Watson even more and because I automatically associated him with Jude, I grew attached to him as well (on an artificial level as I only knew his name and what he looked like as Watson). March came and I decided to go to Jude’s Wikipedia page one evening because I was bored. I randomly picked one of his films, Repo Men, watched it online (legallyofcoursecough) and instantly realized I really like him as an actor and as his own person, not just as Watson.

So from that point on I started to slowly make my way through his filmography, watched and read interviews with him, saw Contagion in theaters in October and followed the entire AGOS promo. In November of 2011, my friends and I visited Madame Tussauds in Berlin and in their merch section they had a coaster with Jude’s face on it, so naturally I bought it. It was the first Jude related thing I ever owned and it’s still sitting on my shelf.

I used to say I was only a casual fan of Jude until I met him in 2013 but I came to realize that isn’t actually true. December 2012 I had already followed him enough and liked him enough that I begged my mum to buy me a ticket for Henry V. She agreed but you could only pay with a credit card on the website and we didn’t have one, so I had to text my friend in freaking Belgium, asked if I could use her credit card and then had to go to the bank the other day to send her the money. The ticket was then send from England to her house in Belgium because you had to use the same billing and shipping address and she then had to send the ticket to my house in Germany.

I was so anxious the entire time and feared that the ticket would get lost in the mail so I was basically stressed 24/7 until it finally arrived. And I knew the time would be a nightmare for me and I knew it was a huge commitment to ask my mum for a ticket that literally cost over 100€ for an event that would happen a year later because I technically couldn’t even be sure if I would still be interested in Jude then. Yet I was still willing to go through that so I believe I was already a bit more than a casual fan at that point lmao.

But that’s pretty much the entire story, I guess. It certainly was a gradual process, though. I didn’t love nearly him as much as I do now when I finished watching Repo Men. There where a lot of small moments that lead to this (such as getting to see him perform in Henry V, seeing how happy he was when the play was over and everyone applauded or when he talked about a certain problem he had in an interview that was similar to something I was going to at that time and he offered a solution I literally wouldn’t have thought of myself).

[The last part of this ridiculously long text includes a mention of suicide so if that triggers you, please don’t read any further.]

He has been (and still is) a constant source of happiness for me and had been the only reason for me to stay alive for a very, very long time. My bio may  sound like a hyperbole or overly dramatic but it’s the truth. I absolutely wouldn’t be here anymore if I hadn’t constantly had a new film of his to look forward to and if he hadn’t openly talked about therapy in 2016 which encouraged me to seek professional help as well. When I hit my lowest point on September 3rd, 2018 and actually tried to commit suidice, literally the only thing I was sad about losing was the ability to make it to November to see Fantastic Beasts. But now after 3 1/2 years of therapy I’m finally better, much better than I had felt in over a decade. I didn’t even think of suidice for like 4 months which is a really huge achievement for me. I don’t need him to survive anymore but I’ll forever be grateful for what he unknowingly did for me.

I had mused on how to answer your first question for the past like 12 hours and still don’t think I have a satifying answer. I feel like I’m not entitled to information I don’t already have and therefore don’t necessarily have the desire to get it (except for the names of his cats, he should really drop those).

But I guess I’d like to know if he‘s aware of the huge impact he has on other people. He knows what fiction can do for you from his own experience so I feel like he certainly understand the general concept but I wonder if anyone has ever told about his impact. I've talked to a lot of people who have a similar story to mine and know from the media about other people he helped in some way or another (such as a refugee couple who named their child after him because they are so thankful for his help), so, yeah. Maybe I don’t even want to necessarily know if he knows about it but want to make sure he does know about it.

He has often been reduced to his looks and though it certainly has gotten better over the years, it still happens from time to time. And that rightfully bothers him. So I think it would be great if he knew (or already does know) that he’s so, so much more than that to a lot of people.

[sternbagel]

"I'll meet you halfway" with Sandy and Sam?

I KEPT IT SHORT YO. Which I never do lmao. And this needs some heavy editing later on, but here ya go! Thank you!!!

–

“Sandy, no.”

“Sandy, yes.”

“You can’t stay in all day again.”

It’s been like this for three days. Sandy crawls out of bed, plants herself on the couch or as close to the fireplace as she can, and barely budges the whole day except to go to the bathroom or grab food. That and the fact that she occasionally laughs at something on her phone are promising signs, because it means this isn’t the worst episode she’s gone through. But Sam wants to get her back to herself as soon as he can.

Ten am the morning of the fourth day has Sam standing in front of her as she’s curled up in her favorite sherpa blanket. His arms are crossed, but his shoulders are slumped in worry. Sure, it is cold as balls outside, and sure, she’s made it very clear every chance she gets that she hates snow, but still. They have things they need to do, and Sam’s getting anxious about having to leave her by herself and explain her absence at the meeting. The United Nations have very stringent requests under normal circumstances, and in matters the Avengers are concerned, they’re even more adamant that their instructions be followed to a perfect T. It’s irritating as hell for both Sam and Sandy as well as the rest of the team. And Sam, as the new Captain America, is trying so hard to create a tentative but working relationship with the governments of the world. In order to do that, he needs all of his teammates to cooperate. And they are.

All except for his girlfriend. Even though she was obviously going to be third to only Bucky and Nat in hatred of the government, refusing to even step foot outside their apartment is putting a serious wrench in his plans.

Even if they hadn’t been summoned to Vienna, her behavior would still be very troubling. 

“You’re freaking me out a bit,” Sam continues. “When was the last time you did any sort of exercise?”

She pulls the blanket down enough to uncover her nose and mouth, which is pulling to one side in a grimace. “Last week.”

“Which, if I remember correctly, is your longest dry spell since…”

“Yeah, I know,” she groans. It may have led her to Sam, but that doesn’t mean Sandy enjoys thinking about 2013.

“You need to get up and moving, okay? We both know you’ll feel better. If it helps, the weather report in Vienna shows it’s gonna be warmer than it is here.”

She perks up slightly at that, sapphire eyes brightening the slightest. Sam nearly breathes a sigh of relief, but her next words cause him to frown more. “But politicians.”

They both know she’s partially doing this because she’s Sandy, but there is actual dread in her tone. 

“None of us are happy about that, believe me. But you’re not alone. None of us are.”

“Yeah,” is all she offers, gaze settling on the fireplace. 

“I know you’re not feeling great in the first place and this weather isn’t helping, but work with me, honey.” He sighs and slides into the seat beside her. Instinctively, she leans into him as he wraps his arms around her. “I hate seeing you like this.”

“I know, and I hate being like this.” The embrace does make her feel a bit better, but she knows she’ll unfortunately need a bit more external motivation to move. 

Sam nuzzles the crown of her head quietly for a moment. Truthfully, they need another vacation, even if it is just for a few days. The last few months have been brutal and exhausting. The world is still fragile, and losing five years, each in different ways, is constantly taking a toll on both of them. So Sam tries something. 

“Well, how about this? You come with me, suffer through the meeting with me and Shuri and T’Challa and Bucky and Nat and Tony, and I’ll meet you halfway.” When she hums curiously, he goes on. “Been awhile since we’ve been to our place in Wakanda. World will survive for a couple days on its own.”

A laugh bubbles up from her throat as she leans back to see his face. “Sam, don’t say that out loud. The world is definitely gonna go to shit now and we’re not gonna get a vacation at all. Good job.” 

“So is that still a no?”

She lets a moment pass where she pretends to mull it over. The instant he uttered the phrase our place in Wakanda, her mind was made up. Sunshine, great food, and a few days of privacy with Sam, stuff that’s been in severely short supply since he came back? That reward is plenty of motivation to sit through whatever bullshit the UN throws at them.

“At this point, I’m too tired to care if the world goes to shit. So let’s go watch from the comfort of Wakanda.”

Sam breathes a sigh of relief. “Good. I was afraid I’d have to tie you up and drag you with me.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” Before he can reply, only managing a half-hearted eye roll, she pulls him in and kisses him, long and slow and sweet. The godforsaken chill in the air ebbs, slowly replaced with Sam’s love and warmth. 

When they finally break for air, Sam asks, “Better?”

“Minutely,” she says after a thoughtful purse of the lips.

“Hey, I’ll take any improvement I can get,” he chuckles. As cheesy as it sounds to Sandy, the toothy grin he flashes shines brighter than a thousand suns, warming every inch of her, making that burden of those five years she did nothing but fail seem like just a fever dream. 

That’s just his way, isn’t it? In life or in death, in sickness or in health, he’s always there, propelling her forward. Reminding her that he loves her in his own way. 

And she’ll be damned if she’s going to waste any more precious time not trying to do the same for him.

“You think we have time to stop in Belgium?” she asks, burying her face in his neck and smiling when his grip tightens. “You should get yourself some chocolate.”

“Maybe? I mean you know how much I love Neuhaus chocolate, so I’m not objecting, but what brought that on?”

“Meeting you halfway.”

[sturmxundxdrang]

2 0 1 9 ;

so, following what i did for 2016 and 2018, let me write a little recap of this year, and talk a little about the decade.

starting off by the goals i set last year:

“I hope to have at least intermediate German. I’m almost there, but not yet.” | i do feel like i got a lot better with my German, but i did leave it a little aside with all the college stuff i had this year. to be quite honest, i’m not even sure what’s my level right now.

“I’ll focus on the guitar, and won’t let my frustration burn me out.” | i did focus a lot more on the guitar! i started classes back again with my childhood teacher, and i felt like i did get better.

“Exercise more and get a better sleep schedule.” | well, failed on the exercising thing lol but my sleep schedule got better for the most part. i do slip and have bad weeks now and then, especially now during the holidays, but i felt that work helped me with that.

“Focus more on college, this last semester was very tough.” | i’m not even going to lie, i could’ve focused more.

“Do more things I usually wouldn’t, like going out to do something on my own, and hopefully being to drive by myself.” | driving is something i’m getting used to slowly, hopefully next year i get better. but i did do a lot of things on my own this year.

“Read & write more, or at least more than I did in 2018.” | i did read more! i was able to read some books that were on my list for a long time, and i have a bunch of books to read in 2020. i didn’t write as much, but got some poetry done.

“Watch more movies, strike a few from my list.” | a list with over 300 movies is terrifying lol i did watch more movies than last year, and i did go to the movies more often tho, but i think i focused more on series.

“Meet more people, go out more.” | i’d say i was pretty outgoing? i met new people, made more friends, went to a different city with a friend of mine, and of course, i went to a whole new country.

“Be more organized.” | i think i improved? but i do have to get better.

“Focus on my religion & study more, try to keep a consistent schedule and all that.” | see, this i did do! i followed my yearly calendar, learned a lot more. i didn’t study much, but religion-wise i’m improving.

“Find a hobby that will help me relax, something that I can do without pushing myself too much, because I frustrate myself a lot.” | i still wasn’t able to find something to focus on that doesn’t stress me out lmao but i will!

now... wow, what do i even say about this year? remember i said last year that this year would be even better? in my opinion, it was full on h e l l , but at the same time, it was amazing. i had many battles, a LOT of stress, heartbreak, disappointments, but, y’know what... i learned and i was happy a lot too. i can’t exactly remember much, this year was so fast but also took so long? it felt like two entire years in one. i can’t remember most of the first half, to be quite honest. i know i did something fun on my birthday and that it was good, but i can’t tell you what exactly. 

this entire year was about being on edge. i was scared for my life and my family a lot of times, i still am. if you follow politics and world news, you know brazil isn’t a very good place right now. it’s never been quite good, but it’s been way better than right now. i’ve argued a lot about politics, i cried a lot, i got stressed. i study law, politics is a big part of it, but even if it wasn’t... every single fucking thing is political. you can say it’s stupid, but if you don’t live in this country, you can’t tell me i’m a fool for being nervous. but as i’ve cried, i also learned to be numb about it, or just mad. it’s just one of those things you need to fight to change, and maybe one day we will.

this year was also about new experiences. i managed to go to a new city with a friend i wasn’t very close to but that trip was amazing. we saw amazing bands, i put us on the first row, we had such an amazing time. it was about singing in a studio for the first time when my guitar teacher decided he wanted me to be his band’s vocalist, and slowly get used to singing in front of other people. it was about being alone in a new country and finding my way to where i needed to be. about meeting my best friends and the city i hope to call home not far from now. about getting my heart broken by someone and having to learn how to deal with it. it was about confessing love, too, even if it wasn’t returned.

2019 took me a friend that last year i thought to be very important. and he was, truly. but sometimes people aren’t meant to be in your life, and that’s fine. sometimes we never fully know someone despite knowing them for a very long time. but it was also the year that gave me three new friends that became a huge part of my life (for the boys Soto, Cam and Wyn, i’m grateful that 2019 brought us together) and that i hope stays in my life for a long time. sometimes it is like that, you lose someone but the universe has a way of gifting you with better people. it was like this in 2018 too.

2019 also ended on a great note for me. it had been 4 years without contact with someone that used to be my best friend, but december brought him back into my life, and not only that but he also gave me my first tattoo that is full of meanings.  it was the year my faith got stronger and that i recognized someone that has been there for me for a long time, and that i now know that i should trust. it’s been a year full of roller coasters and feeling high and then low, and i’m not going to lie, some of these last few weeks of the year hurt like fucking hell because of this one guy, but i learned to trust my gods and know that i can’t always control everything. what is mine is waiting for me.

this year changed my self-esteem, and i thank my goddess for that. i went from panic attacks because nothing looked good on me into crying of joy because all of the three options for nye look so good on me that i can’t decide which one i’ll wear - it seems silly, but it meant a lot to me. my confidence with my english also is growing, i rarely ever speak but berlin with the band helped me a lot and i was even able to be on the phone with Lily for an entire hour (and she knows damn well how i was about small audio messages, this was huge improvement for me).

this was the year i finally stepped foot on the city i am absolutely sure i belong to. walking those streets finally felt like home, and the gods know how much i longed for a place like that. it was the feeling of being home, with the three girls that 2018 gifted me as a family, and just exploring places we’ll soon know like the palm of our hands. i can’t wait to walk through those museums again knowing we have enough time, we’re not going anywhere anymore, there’s no flight to catch in a few days.

i have so much to be grateful for: my friends, my family, my gods and goddesses, everyone that stuck around and helped me grow. this was such a crazy journey but it’s nice to see how much i changed, hopefully for the best. i learned, and am still learning, to accept parts of myself i would usually ignore, and sides i was ashamed to show. 

i wish i could remember much more, but my memory isn’t really known as the best. who knows, next year i might try to log my months so 31. dec, 2020 will be easier to write this thing. 

all in all, it was a bittersweet year. i’m glad it’s over, and i’m ready to start again, write those chapters and keep on taking control of my own history. next year will be hard. college will probably not be very nice on me, but we’ll keep on going. if i made it through 21 years of my life, i can make it through another one.

now... i don’t know what to say about the decade. i came in as an 11 year old kid that wanted the world, and i left as an adult that knows that i deserve the world. i met many people that i don’t talk to anymore but that remains as important to me as they were back then. i made so many friends from places i’d never dream of, i learned so much about the world just through a screen in a way my parent’s wouldn’t have dreamed of at my age, i changed so much. i remember in 2010 when i met the dude that gave me a gift: the band that saved my life and that gave me the best friends i could have asked for. he was in my life for a very short time but he means a lot still. 2011 when i first learned about straight edge, and got back into wrestling. 2012 was when i got my first guitar, the gift i wanted for a very long time. 2013 was when i finally decided to share what i wrote with the internet. 2014 i met one of the wrestlers i admired the most. 2015 i finished high school, my personal hell that i finally was over with and also when i first heard about what would become my religion. 2016 i saw my favorite band for the first time, and when i  started Law school. 2017 was when i met Lily, and also when i cut off a very toxic friendship, i was finally learning that i deserved better. 2018, another toxic friendship gone, but also the year that the gods brought me my beloved bandmates. and 2019: the year i had one of my biggest dreams coming true. and you know what? i’m sure my 11 yo self would be proud of the person i am right now.

may 2020 and the next decade make more of my dreams come through, may i end the next decade living safely in the place i want to be in, with my family in a good place as well. i hope next year will be better.

and to not break the traditions, some goals:

be able to play the guitar in front of other people

get my German better

maybe get started with the piano

try to write more poetry and maybe finish a book

write more song lyrics for RH

keep the project going with my local band

do more things by myself

read more books

be more organized and maybe learn to follow a schedule

dedicate myself more to my religion & my craft

start the process of moving out

get a side job 

be nicer and more patient 

be more disciplined

save more money

find that hobby!!

well, there’s a lot more than last year, but here’s to a better year, a better decade, filled with success and accomplishments. i’m very grateful for all of the experiences i had so far.

[ginkgo-phyta]

Breaking the Ice - P.P. x Reader

Title: Breaking the Ice

Regarding: Peter Parker (Marvel) and Reader

Word Count: 1241

Content Warnings: Reader’s Mother; talk of teen pregnancy (Reader does not go through it)

Summary: You love ice skating and one day your classmate since elementary school Peter Parker witnesses you practicing and decides he’s going to ask you out, almost breaking the ice to break the ice.

A/N: Just like the last little fic I posted, this was one I wrote in 2013 but since Spider-Man is back I thought I’d share it once more to a fresh crowd! I hope you enjoy! [Again, not the best but I didn’t feel like re-writing it, and honestly even if I did I can’t be sure it would have been any better lmao]

          “Mom, what are you doing?“ You whined as your mother fuss over your appearance; patting away the nonexistent dust from your jacket vest; smoothing your hair down, and pulling the edge of your ice skating dress a bit.

          "Just making sure you look your best…” she trailed off, content with her motherly nonsense.

          “Mother, I’m going ice skating, not hanging out with boys.“ You gingerly pushed her hand away.

          ”(Y\N),“ she sighed as you put your foot up onto the dining table chair and put on your tennis shoes, "don’t you think it’s time you start dating?" 

     You stopped tying your laces and slowly looked up at her, "Mom,” you went up to where she stood leaned against the breakfast table and placed the back of your hand on her forehead, “Are you feeling okay? Are you drunk?" 

          ”(Y/N), I just don’t want you to be so lonely anymore. I mean I’m getting old and I need grandbabies!“ 

          "Oof,” you huffed. Placing a hand on your mom’s shoulder, “Mother I am not lonely. And besides, I haven’t even graduated yet; grandbabies can wait… Unless, of course, you want your daughter to be a teen mom.” You slyly added the last bit, smirking as your mother rolled her eyes.

          “(Y/N), you know thats not what I meant." 

          "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well you should be more cautious with how you phrase things or someone might misunderstand you.”  

          Your mom laughed and pushed you towards the front door, “Dont you have practice to get to? Some ice to skate on?” She jokingly asked in a not-so-angry tone.

          “Bye mom!” You shouted as you made your way out of the house, “And the next time you see me, I might be pregnant. Fingers crossed it’s a girl so you can-” you had to duck out of the way of a banana speeding towards your head before you could finish your sentence. You laughed at your mom and bid her a do with an ‘I love you.’ Then you started to walk to the ice rink.

    You strapped on your skates, tied the laces, put in your earphones and stepped out onto the ice. There was barely anybody there; just the way you like it to be; empty. But there was one person that went unnoticed by your gaze. 

    Peter Parker sat on the top row of the benches, catching up in some AP Literature when he caught sight of you on the ice. The way you gracefully slid over the opaque, crystallize surface; the way you so effortlessly jumped and twirled in the air made you seem like you were about to take flight; the amount of passion that seemed to flow from your routine- it all mesmerized Peter. 

    There was no denying that you were one of the cutest things that the boy has ever seen, but now that clumsy little girl who tripped and fell right on top of Peter in the fifth grade has evolved into a gallant dancer. And although he found you “gross” in first grade because he was convinced you had 'cooties’, he was now older and thought you were, well, gorgeous… and not at all gross. 

   So as this love-struck boy known to the school as Peter Parker, and known to the rest of the world only as Spider-Man, sat on those benches and watched this oblivious girl (Y/N) (Y/L/N) as her skate’s blades etched line paths into the ice, he thought to himself: “I’m gonna ask this girl out on a date today…. okay maybe after she’s done with those figure eights.”

      “Oof.” you grunted as your butt landed on the hard ice. Needless to say it hurt, but you were used to it. “Does iron deficiency cause unbalanced-ness?” You wonder, making a mental note to Google it when you get to your bag.

    You sat there for a few moments, just looking out at the ice with a blank gaze. When you heard someone speak, “Do you need help; are you hurt?” You merely turn your face to the side to see the person. It was Peter Parker sticking his head out through the doorway that led onto the rink.

         "No offense Peter, but you don’t have any skates on so I think I’ll pass.“ You nervously laughed at the expression on his face: wide eyes, surprised by the fact that you remember his name.

         "Don’t worry,” he recovered quickly, “I have amazing balance.“ He retorted with a  smirk, as if he was telling an inside joke to which only he knew the meaning.

 Peter’s POV

    I walked out onto the ice using my super amazing Spiderman skills to balance as well as I could. I looked up to see (Y/N) staring at me with an expression that read 'surprised’ and 'vaguely horrified.’ Then I realize that it’s abnormal for people to walk on slippery ice without, well… slipping. So I suddenly stuck my arms out and flailed them as if I were losing balance

          "Woah…Woah…Wo- AH!” I tried to accidentally fall so I wouldn’t, like, break my tailbone or something but then I actually slipped and actually fell. And I think I broke my tailbone.

 Second Person’s POV

    You burst out in laughter as Peter fell right onto his butt, throwing your head back to emphasize how funny you found it. When you stopped and looked over at him, he was rubbing the small of his back with a slight smile/wince on his face. When he saw how hard you had laughed, Peter couldn’t help but chuckle himself. It was really adorable when you laughed and he had a feeling that made him want to make you laugh more.

          “Well, so much for the help…” he breathed, scratching the back of his neck.

         "Eh,” you waved your hand through the air, dismissing the thought, “It’s no problem.” Peter smiled and you and then shyly looked down, laughing a little- seemingly at himself.

         "What’s wrong?“ You questioned, a wider smile growing on your face. 

         ”'What’s wrong’ is that I came over here to help you up, make sure you were alright, and then ask you if you would like to get a coffee with me; but I ended up just falling and making a fool of myself.“ 

    Your heart and stomach jumped at the same time, as if they were playing double-dutch. He wanted to get coffee with you?

          "You didn’t make a fool of yourself,” you stated, standing up and offering him a hand. He gladly took it and gingerly stood back up on the ice, stumbling side to side a few times. You brushed the ice off of your backside the skated over towards the little doorway exit, leaving Peter in the dust with his brows furrowed. “Now come on, what are you with waiting for?” You looked back at him, a gleam in your eyes that didn’t go unnoticed.

         "W-what do you mean. Go where….?“ Peter asked, thinking you had already rejected him when you didn’t explicitly say yes to coffee. Well he didn’t actually ask you but he had hoped you got the message.

          "To get coffee, silly.” You smirked and then ran off as fast as you possibly could with ice skates on.

    You most certainly did get the message. Peter stood dumbfounded for a good few second before letting out a breathy chuckle with a shake of his head and running after you

Well, now, isn’t Mom going to be surprised.

A/N: Hope you liked it! Again, this is pretty old and I have been getting this urge to write again after like 4 years so I decided to post some of my old work from my Quotev/Archive of Our Own to sort of get started. Thanks for reading - S xx

[thisloveistaylorreputation]

For the ask thing: What do you think of that (unofficial) "new track" from the UPS ad? What's the best advice you've ever been given? What was your reaction when you found out you were going too Taylor's tours? Do you play instruments? Write songs/stories/poetry? What's the best book you've read? Sorry this is probably like way too much but I really love you and your blog and I know answering questions is fun, lol, so I hope this wasn't overwhelming!! (PS you and I have the same name!! Awesome!)

OKAY JUST A WARNING I AM S O SORRY THIS IS SUPER LONG

OMG OKAY FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR FOLLOWING MY BLOG AND BEING THE CUTEST SWEETIE EVER AND TWINNING NAMES WITH ME AND ASKING ALL THESE QUESTIONS I LOVE YOU (also dm me if you wanna be friends or something *hint hint wink wink* ❤️❤️❤️)

I think the UPS "New" track is a highly distorted version of the background vocals for a song off reputation. I don't think there's enough there for it to be a main part of the song, and since it's mostly repeating the same line I'm assuming background vocals. I don't really think at this stage I can say if I like it or not, but right now I'm leaning toward I like it, but not my favorite.

I'm literally like KNOWN for giving advice (I am wise beyond my years, I've been told). But I can't think of any specific time. Often I quote Taylor or the lessons she's taught me or things and ideas she's inspired me about.

OKAY SO this is a hard one to explain BUT!!! When I was little I didn't listen to music much. I heard the huge hits but didn't associate them with artist names. I jammed to fifteen, love story, you belong with me, mean, and mine, and later WANEGBT without EVER realizing that they were all Taylor. Around the time that the Red Tour came around I was 12/13 and just starting to get into music - emo, punk, and metal music. I reallyyyyy wanted to go to a concert and I was very vocal about it. So one day my mom says, Taylor Swift is going to be touring in the area, should we buy tickets? And I said, "I don't know who she is and I don't know her songs." (SHOCKING, I know). Tbh, I really wanted to go to a Fall Out Boy concert. Anyways, so we bought the Red cd and I started listening to it every day (but usually just got through the first half) and I liked it a lot!! We bought the tickets and on July 13th, 2013, we went to the Red Tour. We got there early, I bought the shirt with the album cover on it, and we sat alllll the way in the other end zone. She looked like a speck (but there were screens). Apart from the hits I didn't know the songs too well. She looked stunning, and after hearing her in between monologues during the tour I really fell in love with her and became a fan. It was a super fun atmosphere to be in!! Sadly, I lost all my tour videos. This was also when I found out that her favorite number was 13 (she talked about how it was super important that this concert be on the 13th). ALSO our special guest during the concert was Patrick Stump THE LEAD SINGER OF FALL OUT BOY so I died and looking back I got to see 2 of my faves it's so surreal. After the concert, I started listening to Red a LOT more, and started dabbing into her old stuff too (Our song was the first old thing I heard I think).

Okay so for 1989 I was more pumped because at this point I was a fan. I watched the livestream when it came out and bought the deluxe album on release day and set up 3 computers to buy tickets. We got better seats!!! I went to the concert wearing the red tour shirt and switched into my new 1989 tour shirt (the blue one). We saw a few people is costumes and were slightly confused (I was not a diehard swiftie or on tumblr at the time but I was keeping up with weekly Taylor updates and considered myself to be quite the fan). I also bought the drawstring bag and the 2 thin 1989 tour bracelets. Buying the tickets and leading up to the tour I was SO EXCITED because all I could remember is how amazing the last tour was and how it inspired me and changed my life forever and made me find Taylor. The tour was AMAZING!!! And I only lost my shake it off video!!! Haha.

I would add my thoughts for the reputation tour already but this is post is already long enough.

I play a lot of instruments. I've been playing the clarinet since elementary school. My first real expense was spending $100 to buy a flute. I bought a flute because all my friends at the time played the flute and it was uncool to be a clarinet player. I also felt ostracized in my section with no fellow clarinet friends or even other girls (I now realize that playing the clarinet has helped me to be one step closer to squidward). I picked up guitar after I begged for lessons so that I could play chords and cool rifts like all of my favorite band members. My guitar teacher basically told me that I'll never be good at guitar because my hands are p abnormally small and I eventually lost interest and faith in myself. I rediscovered guitar after watching a million of Taylor's acoustic performances back to back and bought myself a nice new guitar at the end of 2016 and began playing a lot, wanting to be good at playing despite my small hands and not caring about if my form was "correct" or not. I also can play a few chords to some of Taylor's songs on piano. I love singing and I try to do it as much as I can but I don't really sing with other people around and if I do I try to sound bad because I'm afraid that people will think my real singing voice is bad and I think it's decent so I don't want to ruin that.

I used to try writing stories but it's not really my forte. I have written quite a few songs ~50 with lyrics, music, and background. I'm hoping maybe I can try making a demo sometime next year in college. I would share and try to get a following or something, but I don't want any of my work stolen. I do write poems sometimes too, or sometimes poems turn into songs. My poems are usually very emotional, usually very sad.

I do not read often. It's partly because I don't have time, and partly because I feel uncomfortable reading. I have a reading problem (idk if it has an official diagnosis) where basically I read really slowly and sometimes I add words or skip words to sentences and I can't really understand things unless I am reading with my finger tracing under each word. I don't like reading because people usually judge me for the pace I'm reading at, or I can't put my finger under the words to help me or I'll be judged, or when people think I am dumb because of the struggles I have when it comes to reading. I'm not really a fan of fiction, so I'm currently reading a few self help books, the most recent called "make your bed". It's a short book that teaches you life lessons through short stories about a former Navy SEAL.

Sorry that this is so long! I hope you enjoyed!!! (If you did, please like this so that I can feel good about taking all this time to write it and knowing someone appreciates it) thank you so much!!!

Ask me more questions if you want (you probably won't want to after this long answer lmao)