#and though this should in no way affect the character of damien. it does actually also make him hotter by association.

[ghostzzy]

thinking about the bright sessions this morning for some reason and. does everyone know that damien’s va is a woman now

[forthedancingandthethriving]

Thought this might be interesting:

Since Dapple started out the closest of everyone, she's the one who reaches Damien/Disc first, and sees him nursing his wounds from Lumiere's "resignation." He, of course, still has no idea that she hasn't been affected by his memory edits, or how uncomfortable she's always been around him, and he's still as interested in her as when they first met, even more-so now since now that he no longer has to keep his Program abilities under wraps and can now consciously sense that she's managed to Cheat Death (even if only at the Character level still) and that she's an outsider like him. So he tries to convince her to join him... and this, of course, goes horribly.

See, Dapple absolutely doesn't fear death, even though of the two of them she's the one who's suffered the worst at its hands. After all, can he say that he was forced to watch, helpless, as a hateful, uncaring Creator kill everyone he loved, everyone he swore to protect, everyone in the whole fucking world? Did he find himself alone at the end, without even the ashes to sift through? She has witnessed so much more death than he could ever even comprehend, experienced trauma beyond his wildest nightmares as a result, and yet she has no fear of it. On the contrary, at her worst moments (particularly most of the perceived millennium she spent as nothing but half a soul in an endless void), she longed for it, would've begged for it if there had been anyone to hear. Thankfully she's now in a healthy enough place where she actually wants to live again, but she'll accept her death with grace when the time comes.

As you might expect, Disc doesn't take this rather dramatic dismissal well, especially since she more-or-less called him a coward to his face during part of it, and so chooses to double down on his plans and accept her monologue as a declaration of war. This close to him Dapple can feel his True Code-Level Form shining through, even with his (healing much faster than a Dark-Specialized Harmonian cat should be) injuries locking most of it down, so she knows that even with her considerable power she won't stand a chance in a straight fight.

So, instead, she invokes a magical ritual from her old world known as Owanimo. It locks them into a Puyo Puyo match, one where if either of them "cheats" by attacking each other via any means but popping Puyos, their magic will be sealed.

Permanently.

She's well aware that he has no good way of learning this, in fact she's counting on it. Even now he indulges her "little game," seeing as he's already winning for real what with the ghost hurricanes and all, but no doubt he'll eventually get frustrated at having to play a game he's probably never even heard of against a Final Boss and attack her directly. It probably won't affect his natural Program abilities, but losing access to his Harmonian magic (and The Rule does affect other games' magic systems, she learned that during her time with the Union) will still be a heavy blow, especially in his current state.

And even if he doesn't take the bait, well, at least she'll be able to stall him until anyone else who feels like getting involved shows up.

She grins wildly as she triggers her latest chain. She'd thought she'd forgotten how good it felt being on the good side of a fate-of-the-world-level-stakes Puyo Battle.

Ooooh yes!! Love this. Get his ass, Dapple!!

[damistrolls]

I know this is a question and a half, but how DOES your time thing work? How can you just decide to skip around like that?

Well, you've got the right of it when you say it's a question and a half. We hope you don't mind if we ramble on for a while.

We know this might be a near-impossible concept for you to FULLY comprehend, but I’ll do my best to put it in terms that won't make your head hurt.

Time is flat. I want to say time is essentially stacked on top of itself, since that's the best description for it, but it would frankly be disingenuous to say they're ACTUALLY stacked. It's impossible to stack something that's geometrically flat. Adding zero to zero still gives you zero, after all. But it's the best word I've got for it, so let's roll with it, shall we?

So, you take this idea of stacked times... and you fold it over itself more times than any mortal brain could register. You now have a (still flat) woven blanket containing hundreds of billions of different milliseconds, seconds, minutes, hours, days, years, decades, and so on so forth.

For most mortals, they can only travel on one strain of time. Like... Hmm.. a rollercoaster. You stay on one track the whole time. But where you see a track, we see an open road. No, even more than that, we see paths running over, under, and around the road, and our vehicle can take us any way we want. To grab something from the past or the future, all we have to do is YYRRRNNK! Reach our little ol’ hand around to a certain part of the road, and voila! Keylime pie received. Cue video game item received music. And the only reason we can do this is BECAUSE it's all flat. Though we'd have a harder time explaining why.

How we know where to reach is a whole other issue that we certainly could get into too, but that would tread into even more difficult-to-explain territory. So! Let’s just move on. 

The other thing you have to remember about time is that because it's flat, your actions in one time or one plane may affect the others. Even just considering that we should have done something differently in the past may erase the version of us where we had done things another way, though our ability to perceive the full extent of time means that we will not lose awareness of said timeline. This difference between us and most mortals is gargantuan because of this. You cannot change the past, and if the past was changed for you, you would have no idea about it. But we can, and we’d know about it.

Still reading? Fantastic! We have just one more important thing to mention about the limits of our abilities, and I want you to REMEMBER this part, so you don't go crying to me if someone's in danger. 

We’re just a conduit for Damien's stories. We have zero sway over his narratives, and we have even less sway over other creators' narratives. The ONLY way our abilities can activate are if Damien allows it. We can't meddle where it would be inconvenient. Does that make sense? Even ignoring all of the technical time jargon, we still have rules to follow. Rules that we’re physically incapable of breaking. When we intervene, it's only when we’re allowed. When we make changes to the narratives surrounding other creators' characters and stories, it's because it was something mutually agreed upon between the creators.

That's to say, we cannot and will not mess with the plot without explicit permission. So don't assume you can just abuse our abilities to get trolls out of sticky situations. We’re merely here to provide information. To elevate these stories.

Does that all make sense to you, or am I going to have to reiterate this when new drama arises?

[damienthepious]

owo please have a fic comprised of 90% tender touching

Less Like A Deadly Weapon

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Sir Damien, Rilla, Lord Arum

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Established Relationship, Early Relationship, Post-Episode: s02e36-41 Second Citadel - The Battle at World's End, Facial Shaving, Trust, (lots of tender touching tbqh)

Summary: Sir Damien asks for a little bit of help with his grooming, now that he is no longer too busy charging through the wilds on a desperate rescue mission to bother with something as mundane as shaving.

Notes:my work life has continued to be trouble, but i've wanted to get this one out for a while now! hope y'all enjoy, kiss a lizard, et cetera, i love you! title from the song Sword by IAN SWEET.

~

There are not all that many mirrored surfaces within Lord Arum's Keep. The lizard is a proud creature, certainly, but he is apparently not afflicted with that particular breed of vanity. They've been recuperating for a few days already (the first two tucked safe in a hidden outpost in the swamp, the latter inside Lord Arum's enormous, living home) before Damien happens to finally notice, leaning over a cupped leaf of water that the Keep has provided as a washbasin, that he looks-

Not terrible, really. Rilla has taken great care to treat his injuries, and the Keep has within it a fascinating system of running water with which to bathe, and Damien has slept more soundly these last few days than he has in... months, perhaps? He thinks he may have lost track, somewhere in the darkness of his pursuit. He does not look terrible.

He does look somewhat unkempt.

He thinks he lost the tie for his hair... possibly while stuck upon that impostor slug? No great loss, he supposes, and his hair is clean now even if it hangs in loose waves, tucked behind his ears. The shadows beneath his eyes have mostly faded, scratches and bruises softened by Rilla's careful treatment and a little bit of time. But his face- well, he has gone rather a bit beyond stubble, at this point.

He hasn't shaved, by his estimations, since the morning the Festival of the Three began.

On the proverbial (literal?) warpath while traveling with Sir Angelo and the others in turn, he hadn't had a mind for much beyond finding Rilla. He hadn't a mind for anything, really, and taking care of his appearance was certainly not among his priorities, beyond splashing his face when his fury heated his cheeks, or when he needed to wash away some fresh tears or lakeside muck or specks of ash. His straight razor remained packed away for the entire journey.

(He remembered it, once or twice, along the way, in those too-brief moments of rest. He remembered, but he did not reach for it. He did not want to take the blade into his hand, truthfully. It is not shaped at all like anything made for combat, but still the edge sang and resounded through Damien's memory, he couldn't take the shaft into his hand, could hardly look at it without hearing that hissing voice in his mind, couldn't bear the echo of like a butcher, little knight, treat it with some respect-)

(That particular memory feels somewhat different, now, than it did then. Warmer, perhaps.)

Well. He supposes he should take care of the situation, now that he may finally slow down enough to do so.

His arm is an issue, of course. That pig managed to break his dominant limb, whether in luck or in strategy Damien dare not guess. He could attempt the task with his off hand, but-

Rilla has instructed him rather fiercely not to overexert himself, while they nurse their wounds together.

And, frankly, Damien needs little excuse to request his flower's soothing hands upon him. It certainly wouldn't be the first time that Rilla has assisted him after such an injury, after all.

She agrees with a grin the instant he broaches the subject, one of her hands teasingly on his lower back as she all but shoves him towards the washroom.

"Oh, Saints, yes. C'mon, I miss that pretty face of yours," she says brightly, and Damien feels himself flush as she lovingly manhandles him to sit by the washbasin. "I wanna see it again."

She nudges him to sit back, drapes a warm damp cloth over the bottom half of his face and then presses a kiss to his temple for good measure, making his eyelids flutter closed in pleasure. She plays with his hair for a minute or so after that, chattering enthusiastically about the understanding of the Keep's aqueduct structures that she's managed to glean so far, and then she starts working up the lather as she speaks instead. Damien tries not to mourn the lack of her hands upon him; he knows they'll return soon enough, after all.

Arum finds them when Rilla is nearly done working the foam into his softened beard, his expression wary and uncertain as Rilla greets him with a cheery wave.

He eyes Damien with curiosity, and from his position leaning back in his seat with Rilla's hand pressing to his clavicle, Arum's attention makes Damien feel more than a little exposed.

"Dare I even ask?" the lizard murmurs, his tone a perfect mixture of amusement, irritation, and confusion as he gestures at- well, at the entire scene laid out before him, Damien supposes.

"Damien needs a trim," Rilla says warmly as she finishes swirling the lather below his jaw on one side, and then she tilts his face the other way to finish up. "And he decided to be a good boy about it and actually ask for help instead of trying to muddle through on his own with just his non-dominant arm."

"Is that why you look so- so smug about it, then?" Arum asks, arching his brow imperiously even as his eyes draw over the brush and the razor and the bottles of oils and creams and balms with inquisitive attention.

"I like when Damien lets me take care of him a little bit," she croons, and Damien makes a small, warbling noise of protest, looking up at her with pleading eyes. She meets his gaze with a grin, though, utterly unfazed. "It means he's not overexerting himself. Plus, he just deserves to feel pampered now and then, don't you think?"

She shoots her sharp eyes towards Arum, and the lizard looks vaguely startled for a moment before he glances towards Damien again, a light growl rumbling in his chest.

Damien swallows automatically as he locks eyes with Arum, and then the monster's expression softens, and he steps closer, his curiosity clearly getting the better of him.

"Of course he does," Arum agrees in a murmur, and then he tilts his head. "I should mention, however... what I am gathering, here, is that you lot can, in fact, take off your hair."

Rilla pauses as she sets the brush back into the cup of lather, and then she scowls at the monster while Damien blinks in confusion.

"Okay," she drawls, "technically, sure, in the same way that you can trim back your claws and have them grow back eventually, but it's still not the same as just taking off your damn cape and washing it when someone playfully gets antifungal spray on it-"

"I feel as if I may be missing some context," Damien murmurs, and Rilla rolls her eyes as Arum chuckles low.

"Not important," she says, waving a hand absently through the air before she settles beside Damien again and lifts the razor into her hands. She angles his jaw with her other hand, then presses her fingers beside his ear as she angles the blade, and a few feet away Arum makes a small, confused noise.

Damien blinks, and Rilla pauses to glance towards Arum as well. His eyes narrow at the attention, but his frill still flutters uncertainly by his neck as he watches the pair of them with clear confusion.

"Part of your grooming routine involves scraping a blade against your skin, now?" he asks, dubious, a flash of alarm in the violet of his eyes, and Damien feels affection thrum hot in his lungs as Rilla gives a gentle laugh at the lizard's expense.

"Very, very carefully," Rilla amends. "But... yeah? Pretty much. We could just trim it back, but Damien wants a proper shave, so."

"Hrm," the monster says, obviously unconvinced as his eyes narrow further.

"Do you wanna help out?" Rilla asks, drawing her hands and the razor back away from Damien's skin altogether, and Arum blinks, the dubiousness in his expression instantly replaced with a flustered sort of panic.

"Ah- well, I- certainly I should- should leave it in your hands, I think, Amaryllis, I don't-"

"It's not that hard," Rilla says, her tone casual and easy. "I know you're good with a blade."

His frill swoops, half-flaring out before it sinks to flutter by his neck, almost distracting from the way Arum's face twists into a wince. "Not in this particular context, Amaryllis," he says quickly. "I- I am not adept in using a blade to do anything except to draw blood, I-"

Rilla leans towards him, taking his wrist gently in her free hand and rubbing her thumb soothingly across the scales over his pulse. He makes a small noise at that, a gentle whirring at the back of his throat as the tension in his shoulders eases just a little, and then Rilla presses the handle of the razor into Arum's hand, her mouth curling into a smile. "C'mon. You'll be fine, I promise."

"Amaryllis-"

"It's alright," Damien says gently, his face feeling rather hot beneath the lather. "You- if you are uncomfortable, clearly you need not... you should not feel that we are forcing you. I would-"

"You are not forcing anything, honeysuckle, it is only-" Arum snaps his mouth shut, then glances down at the razor in his hand suspiciously, as if it might misbehave. "I don't... it is only that it seems... a rather large degree of... of..."

"Trust?" Rilla finishes after a moment, her tone surprisingly gentle, and Arum jerks his eyes up towards her, his expression going entirely still.

Damien's ribcage feels too small, his heart wreathed in heat as he recognizes the nervous tension curling the corners of Arum's mouth. Trust-

Of course it is rather a large choice, to press a blade into the hands of a monster, to close his eyes and bare his throat and simply trust.

It is as large a choice as a monster tossing his own blades aside into the mud, hoping that the human in front of him will choose to stay.

"Rilla can show you," Damien says, keeping his volume low so as to prevent his voice from shaking. "I have seen your clever fingers work, Lord Arum. I know that you are more than capable of the task, if you would be so kind as to offer your assistance."

He glances towards Rilla, and she flashes a warm sort of grin in agreement and nods quickly. "You can just watch, if you're really, actually not comfortable. I know I can be pushy, but Damien's right. I wouldn't want to-"

"If- if you think that I..." Arum trails off, then exhales a vague hiss. "If you- trust that I can. That I won't- won't..."

"I trust that I can teach you what to do," Rilla says with a shrug and a smirk, but her eyes are fond and warm as Arum gives her a look that Damien would describe as a pout.

"I trust you," Damien offers, smiling very slightly and lifting a hand to brush his fingers down the scales of Arum's forearm. "I know you'll be careful."

"I have cut you before, honeysuckle," Arum reminds, his voice soft enough that Damien cannot quite pluck out the feeling beneath the words.

Damien smiles, curling his fingers around Arum's wrist and drawing it closer. "Once," he says, his voice quite low. "Only once, and I know that you would never willingly do so again."

Arum's eyes flick between his own, vivid and soft, and then he exhales with a hesitant sort of smile, his chest rumbling with that low, inhuman purr that Damien is growing very quickly to adore.

"Ridiculous," Arum murmurs, unconvincing and fond, and then he sighs and raises his eyes towards Rilla again. "Very well. Show me, then."

Rilla grins again, something of the fox in the curve of it, and she guides Arum's hands to gently angle Damien's head.

She instructs him firmly and carefully, her hand curled around his own scaled one and guiding for the first few strokes, showing the lizard the proper way to hold the blade, the correct angle, the slow downward stroke, and Damien-

Both of their attention so keen upon him feels like too much altogether, the intensity of their eyes making his heart hammer fast in his chest, and after the first stroke of the razor he allows his eyes to slip closed. Rilla's fingers tilt his face gently where she needs, and then Arum's cooler, more delicate touch supplements her own intermittently.

Rilla guides Arum more directly to outline the shape of Damien's goatee, and then again when they tilt his head back to draw the razor down beneath his jaw, her low monologue of instruction both methodical and gentle. Arum, for his part, remains mostly silent with the exception of small noises of acknowledgment, accompanied beneath by his subtle rumbling purr as his uncertainty fades.

Damien blinks his eyes open when Rilla maneuvers him forward to rinse his face after the first pass, and then she shows Arum how to lather him for the second, meticulously explaining each step as they go.

Damien watches Arum's face this time, utterly enthralled by the depth of the focus readily apparent in his expression as he draws the blade so utterly careful against Damien's skin.

Arum only notices his gaze just as he is about to finish, and the monster exhales with a worried flick of the tongue before he glances towards Rilla, a silent inquiry that makes her smirk, and then she reaches to grip his wrist again to help him with the finishing touches.

Arum leans him forward this time to rinse his face ("Cold water for this one," Rilla chirps helpfully), and then Rilla gently pats the balm into his cheeks, leaning close enough to place a playful kiss on the tip of his nose, making both himself and Arum laugh in tandem.

Arum helps him to his feet, then, and he reaches up carefully, ghosting his hands over Damien's newly bare cheeks without quite touching him, his expression utterly focused, utterly enraptured.

"There you are, honeysuckle," Arum murmurs, and then he brushes his thumb gently down the stripe of hair left on Damien's chin. He repeats the motion with a subtle smile, and this time Damien kisses the pad of his thumb, and the monster exhales in surprise. "Ah-"

"Thank you for the assistance, Lord Arum," Damien whispers against Arum's scales, and the lizard flicks his tongue before he slips his hand further up, cupping Damien's cheek properly.

"Yeah, no kidding," Rilla says with a grin, clearly enjoying the way that Arum's frill flares with his embarrassment. "Thankyou."

Arum wrinkles his snout, but his expression softens again when Damien lifts a hand to cradle Arum's own against his cheek. "I... yes, I- I suppose it wasn't all that difficult, after all. With proper instruction."

"Told you," Rilla chimes, still smiling, and then she leans to press a tender sort of kiss to Damien's other cheek, humming lightly.

"And... you didn't mind, honeysuckle?"

"Mind?" Damien repeats, and Arum ducks his head, his frill fluttering again.

"Rather- it doesn't- it isn't a bother to have me- to have us-"

Damien laughs helplessly, utterly baffled that Arum might think he would find his and Rilla's assistance a bother, and then he pulls Arum's hand down, so he can cradle it in both of his own and press it over his heart instead.

"Oh," he says, trying to sound less breathless than he feels. "You- oh, Arum-"

Arum makes another flustered noise, glancing away with the folds of his frill flushing a darker purple. "Honeysuckle-"

"My only concern is how completely overwhelmed I feel to have the attention and hands of yourself and Rilla both so intently upon me, all while I cannot even speak my heart for fear of impeding your delicate care, my darling monster, oh-"

Rilla laughs fondly at his rambling, and Arum blinks for a moment before his frill settles again, his expression going pleased and embarrassed both.

"Well..." he says slowly, and then he presses his palm more firmly over Damien's heart. "That explains this racing, here, I suppose, if our attention... overwhelms you. I was concerned that you- that you- were afraid I would- cut you."

Rilla snorts incredulously as Damien exhales a pained noise, and then he leans forward, still holding Arum's hand to his chest as he presses his face into Arum's neck.

"Oh-" he feels his throat going tight, and he shakes his head lightly against Arum's scales to fight the feeling back. "Rilla is right, you are completely absurd, Arum- I-"

"We trust you, Arum." She folds her arms over her chest, giving Arum a fond, exasperated smile. "I thought that was pretty obvious by now? Saints but you're dense sometimes. I know you trust us, or we wouldn't be here in the Keep, so why wouldn't it be mutual?"

Arum growls, glaring at Rilla over Damien's head, and then he sighs, lowering his face so he may press his own cheek against Damien's, flicking his tongue out beside his ear before he murmurs. "Old habits, I suppose. It is... hard to believe my good fortune, at times, with the pair of you."

Damien tilts his head to the side, kissing Arum's jaw, and then his cheek when the lizard exhales a pleased little breath.

"Well," Rilla says warmly, "maybe you'll be used to it by the next time Damien needs help shaving, yeah?"

Arum raises his head again with a laugh, and Damien feels Rilla's hand drift down his back as she leans to kiss Arum over his shoulder.

Arum lifts his hands to Damien's face, then, tilting his chin up so he may grace Damien with a kiss as well, the thin scaled line of his mouth pressing against Damien's lips with delicate care before he meets Damien's eyes with an affectionate smile.

And with Arum's cool palms cupping his tender cheeks, with Rilla's warm hand on the small of his back, Damien knows with utter certainty that he has entrusted his heart to the most worthy care in the world.

~

End Notes:  bless wikihow articles i have never shaved a face in my goddamn life, let alone with a straight razor

[flightfoot]

Maribat is weird to me; from what I've read of Damien in the comics, he and Marinette would NOT like each other. It seems really hard to earn Damien's respect and he's always bucking to take charge, and I don't see him accepting Ladybug's leadership in a team-up. And Marinette is a big romantic and the guys she likes (Adrien & Luka) are big romantics, while Damien has problems with intimacy and expressing affection, which was a source of tension in his relationship with Djinn in Teen Titans.

Yeah, their actual compatibility was never considered when coming up with that pairing. I tried several of those stories when it was starting out because I like Damian and I thought it could be an interesting crossover, but... yeah no.

I even tried the original story that started it. It just made Damian a reserved, but polite young man who fell madly in love with Marinette the instant he heard her voice, before even locking eyes on her, calling her an “angel”. 

I’m pretty sure the author had little interest in what Damian’s actually like canonically and just grabbed the Robin who’s currently closest in age to Marinette, erased his personality, and then inserted one that was more suitable for romancing Marinette.

I’ve literally never seen a fic for Damian X Marinette that attempted to have the romance be in-character, even if they might’ve been before that point. As soon as the romance starts, one or both of their personalities are swapped out, they’re THAT incompatible.

Best guess for why it’s a thing, to the point that it’s attracting people who were never even really into Miraculous Ladybug in the first place? It scratches the same sort of itch that Twilight does.

A lot of people (especially teens) like fantasies where the poor, abused and mistreated girl is taken away to some other place to be with people who can TRULY appreciate her worth, who fall in love with her instantly and dote on her even though they're known for being withdrawn and broody, because the girl is just THAT special, and who shows the world how unbelievably talented, smart, and powerful she is so everyone else can gush over how amazing she is.

Honestly I wouldn’t care if it wasn’t derived from salt. A lot of people in that fandom don’t seem to recognize when one of their fics is maligning a character in a way that’s not even remotely justified, because the source material they’re drawing from are largely other saltfics.

So Alya seems to be considered to be at LEAST a Lila sycophant who ditches Marinette AT BEST as a baseline for those stories, and a violent, abusive, gullible moron who’s a useless leech on the people around her at worst.

Adrien... actually is occasionally treated more kindly? From what I saw, he has a better record of making it through OK than Alya and the class at least. I suspect because a lot of the people writing it care more about the “bullying by people who should have had your back” aspects than just being insufficiently helped by a friend, as often is portrayed in Adrien salt, or being sexually harassed, as occurs in Chat salt. Not that those things DON’T happen in Mari//bat, it actually has some of the grossest examples of it, but Adrien at least has a shot of being portrayed sympathetically without needing to grovel within the story itself.

Basically, the reason it doesn’t make sense is because you’re imagining that the characters within the story are actually, well, in-character, and aren’t simply OC stand-ins drawn from saltfics. Which means they import the same problems, like replacing Alya with a disgustingly racist caricature for the purpose of punishing her as extremely as possible. Though I’ll admit I’m not sure how much of that was because it was intended to be racist, and how much of it was more usual bashing because the author despises Alya and wishes to project their negative experiences onto her, and that ended up coincidentally coinciding with the “Angry Black Woman” and “Welfare Queen” stereotypes. 

Either way those REALLY should be excised from depictions of Alya, especially since even the most hateful analyses I’ve seen of her that actually draw from canon can’t find support for them applying to Alya.

[blueheartedmayor]

Dante Lore

Okay, so I’ve had a few ideas earlier on today, and now I’m getting a chance to write it down. I’ve already nagged the ears off of a few poor friends, so I’m giving the option of a read-more so it can be ignored! :D Also, it’s VERY long, this is your warning. I’ll be covering the following topics:

1. “Dante” as an identity. 2.  Dante breaking character... Mostly. 3. The Younger Seer Twin, and the Consequences of that. 4. Miscellaneous human headcanons!

Note: For the sake of not confusing matters, I’m calling him Dante regardless of whether I’m talking about him as he is now or when he was human.

-

1. “Dante” as an identity.

I’ve already written about Dante calling himself an entity here before. Another option is ‘monster’, and at present he is rather uncomfortable with being referred as one. A lot of this stems from his own trauma of existing without humanity for so long. He is genuinely scared of ‘slipping’ back into that ‘monster’ mindset and never snapping out of it again. Not only that, he has seen how Darks in other timelines act. He doesn’t want to go that far.

(By accurate definition, he’s a ghost trapped in a body, but I’ll come back to that.)

Realistically, he's past the point of being in the 'danger zone' of slipping permanently after a bad day... But that doesn’t alleviate the fear. He’s had bad days where he has ‘slipped’, but he has eventually pulled himself back. It's a big factor in the intrusive thoughts that developed once he became ‘Dante’. I imagine those thoughts that had been at the forefront of his mind over the years had turned against him, tempting him back to better times. No guilt, no stress, no pains - all it would cost is his humanity. What could be better?

So he’s still trying to determine his sense of ‘self’. He isn’t ‘Dark’, he isn’t ‘Damien’. He’s trying to find that middle ground where he feels comfortable being ‘himself’, whatever that is. That will start by himself gradually becoming more comfortable with being in the ‘here and now’. Being in good company is certainly helping. The goal would be that he would stop comparing himself to the ideal self and the dreaded self and find the parts of his personality that he likes separate from both of them. Right now, he only sees himself as an exhausted, grumpy soul who is constantly in pain, so he’s got a long way to go. 

-

2. Dante breaking character... Mostly.

One reason why Dante is a little messy in who he is is because he’s a Dark (that is solely a ‘Damien’ rather than an amalgamation) that has broken out of the role he was forced into... But he still hasn’t broken out of the ‘character’.

Think about it for a second. He wants out of the ‘story’, and his only connection to the mess should be watching over the modern!Mark he accidentally involved and whatever egos he knows, right? So then why does he still hold onto the belief that he’ll find peace if he gets his body back? Why does he feel he has to dress well instead of dressing in warm, comfortable clothes that would help lessen any potential pains? These are ties that still keep him connected to the ‘story’, whether he likes it or not. Breaking from these will help him move on, though he doesn’t realise these hold him back. Not only that, he’s almost replaced the Actor in the original role - fitting when his soul is technically linked to that body. He carries the burden of pains, the desire to be left alone, and the want to pass on and find peace.

-

3. The Younger Seer Twin, and the Consequences of that.

Both Dante and Celine had the magic skills required to interact with the world beyond. For Dante, he could see spirits very clearly. When he and Celine were children, they used to chat with some ghosts they met, as she could hear them better than he could. At first, the parents and staff assumed they were talking to imaginary friends, but the family were unimpressed when they realised the truth. With a bad history of the occult in the family tree, both twins were discouraged from continuing. It was at this point that Dante stopped training. He had natural talent, but it was undeveloped. Why else was he disappointed rather than surprised in his sister confessing her training in the occult? As a result, he has some pros and cons when he aided in the séance later:

Cons: - Untrained. Was not protected from outside influence properly, and would be unable to defend himself. - Vulnerable to possession and outside manipulation/ghostly influence (will clarify)

Pros: - Better vessel to hold the stronger power. Had the entity taken him instead, it would have been able to leave. - Natural talent. He learned to not notice ghosts, but he’d be able to see them if he focused on the idea. - Working with Celine allows them to be a powerful duo (assuming Celine set the required boundaries to keep them both safe).

To focus on one con in particular. Since Dante didn’t have enough training to keep himself grounded and protected, he was a little more susceptible to ghostly influences than he ought to be when he was alive. The presence of an angry ghost could make him more irritable, while a lamenting ghost might have others surprised that tears were falling down his face. You could actually see this affect Dante during WKM. The best example is that he’s easily convinced there’s a storm outside, yet steps out multiple times into a beautiful, sunny day. Not once does he consider the idea of leaving.

On the topic of ‘consequences’, I think I’ve mentioned before that Dante didn’t die in the house. His soul was simply tossed out. That’s why Celine (who had died) had to go to such lengths to protect him. A living soul in the unforgiving place that is the void would have been pounced on by the darker creatures that lived deep within. Not only that, he died in that void, which further complicated matters for him, turning him into a ‘living ghost’, so to speak.

-

4. Miscellaneous human headcanons!

* As a human, Dante had a HORRIBLE temper, but no one knew about it. He grew up seeing Celine snap in frustration and get in trouble for it. As the son, he was encouraged to be courteous and polite, but ultimately it made him bottle up his negative feelings. While the modern cycle (AKA the modern Damien I normally write) has good patience but might briefly snap, Dante’s temper was EXPLOSIVE when it got the best of him. It was a rare sight, but it was truly a moment. If anything, it was almost like he was briefly possessed by a demon. Now doesn’t that sound like a headline in a newspaper that we saw somewhere...? (This also means that modern!Dante struggling with some emotions is a direct consequence of this)

*Another issue with this was that Dante seems ‘closed off’ to those that he didn’t know too well. He keeps his cards close to his chest, but it meant that people who worked with him for months would not know a lot about him. (But those that do know him well know he can be a little bit of a smartass)

* He didn’t trust Abe. During the poker night, he was polite, but couldn’t shake the feeling that something was ‘off’. It was only amplified when the detective began acting strange the next day during the investigation. If the House had let Dante find the investigation room, it would have caused a confrontation, I’m sure of it.

* He came from a very good family, one that had good money and reputation in the city he grew up in. It’s how he was able to learn instruments, dances for social parties, and other important skills. All to be a perfect young man in the eyes of society.

* Dante was essentially trained to be a lawyer to continue the family legacy from when he was a child as the only son of the family. He didn’t have much of a choice growing up about what he wanted to do, especially when they realised at a young age that he was academically bright. Going into politics was also something the family ‘encouraged’ to keep in the good circles. Dante was lucky that he found satisfaction in the career. But if you had asked him what his dream career was when he was a child (or what he would do if he wasn’t a lawyer/mayor), he wouldn’t be able to answer you. He was never allowed the luxury to imagine that possibility.

* He was also encouraged to keep his distance from others. According to his family, it was only good to be physically affectionate with someone when he was married to them, but he was known to hug the ‘gang’ in his younger days. It is partly why modern Dante has such an issue with touch.

* Dante LOVED the snow. Winter was his favourite time of year, but he was always interested in travelling to somewhere with snow. He adored how peaceful the world looked under a blanket of snow.

* He’s sensible when it comes to gambling games, but he’s a little ambitious when it comes to games that don’t have money attached (example, playing poker with poker chips instead of money). His legal training makes it that he’s good at keeping a straight face, but his university friend is better at it.

[rainhalydia]

I wasn't in fandom at the time, so I'm curious about how you felt, as a Throbb shipper, about GRRM confirming Robb didn't love Theon as much as he loved Jon? And how did Throbb shippers in general feel about it?

Well, I can’t say how Throbb shippers in general felt. Not that happy, I’d guess? I can tell how I felt and still feel about it, though I didn’t see that interview until long after the fact so I didn’t catch any drama anyway. To sum it up: I don’t care.

A much longer, rambling word-vomit under the cut:

I think I summed up my feelings very exactly, but I kept thinking a lot about this ask and having lots of opinions, so here we go. I’ll preface this long-ass rant by saying I have no professional training in literary analysis. I just read a lot, overthink everything and had two classes in college about literature.

First of all, this tendency to give great weight - i.e., to care at all - about what writers have to say about their own work is completely foreign to me. I mean it literally - the main framework of literary analysis I’ve encountered throughtout my education was basically centered around the text, and I very much adopt it without even giving it conscious thought. I don’t seek out interviews, addendums, essays, anything at all. Sometimes I read it if they fall on my lap. Such was the case with this interview.

It’s not that writers don’t have things to say, or that those things are not interesting or valuable or sometimes shed a new light on their work. It’s that at the end of the day they’re not important! Only canon is canon. I don’t mean to sound snob or pedantic, like the books are law or something. And any canon has a number of valid interpretations (within limits), they’re not absolute, they allow some wiggle room. But any text needs by definition to stand on its own without writers poking their heads inside the room to say how we should interpret it. If we need imput from the writers to do it, then the text is already bad, it failed, sorry. Interpretation is the reader’s job. In fact, it’s the reader’s prerrogative.

Much of this hipe around authors, I believe, has to do with the rise of social media and how close to the public writers suddenly were. And I feel that applies especially for authors like Martin, who are very talented and have created a very rich world that has become really popular. And ASOIAF is still ongoing. It’s natural that everyone wants to pick at his brain and know where the story is going!

And here I make my second very unpopular point: authors are not specialists in their own work.

He knows more than anyone about it, certainly, and currently Martin is probably the only person who knows how things will end (though we have plenty of bare bones the show left), but he is, as he has admited himself, a gardener. The story was bound to get away from him, given his own writting style. The group of people who will be specialists on his work don’t include him, and they don’t even exist yet. They will only emerge when he’s stopped writing (so probably after his death) and his work has ended (if it was finished or not). Then people can read every single thing he has ever written, which is much more than ASOIAF, and analyse it to death, pick it apart from every single angle, the ones Martin intended to be there and the ones he didn’t.

Again, I don’t mean to come across as snobbish and say Martin does not know his own work, characters, creation, etc. He does! But no writer can leave all their biases behind when they start writing, so these books are not neutral to begin with. Add to it the lots and lots of variables readers will bring when they interpret the text, and any book is always going to be more than the author intends by default.

If my argument seems absurd, let me point out that it has already happened to a certain degree: my own interpretation from reading ASOIAF is that it is full of anti-war, anti-violence messages, and yet from it has sprung an adaptation that, in my own interpretation, glorifies war and violence to a ridiculous degree. I’m not alone in these opinions, btw. They’re pretty common in fandom spaces, so I’m sure I didn’t pull them out of thin air. We can argue until we’re blue in the face that the Ds can’t read anything for shit, they certainly don’t do themselves any favors, but you know, they interpreted the books well enough to correctly guess who was Jon’s mother and get permission to adapt it in the first place. I’ve since seen people (I’m not naming names, anyone still reading will just have to take my word for it, but I swear they do exist) defend that the show is a faithful adaptation of the books and that the glorification of war was there too, and others say that the show didn’t actually glorify war, it had an anti-war message! Who is wrong? Well, I don’t know. As I said, the GRRM’s specialists are yet to come, and I’m certainly not one of them. What I believe, however, is that all of us brought our own biases to the same text, interpreted it according to them, and came to different, often conflicting conclusions.

See also what GRRM said about the partnership between Jaehaerys and Alysanne and what most people made of their relationship from Fire and Blood. See the sept sex/rape scene controversy. See the Dany/Drogo controversy.

Do you get why I put little weight in Martin’s interviews to form my opinion? So given that and my own background, I’ll chose my own interpretation of the text rather than Martin’s apocrypha.

What does the book canon, and the book canon alone, say about Robb’s feelings for Theon? Well, unless new material is released, we’ll just never know for sure, because Robb isn’t a pov character. We do have Theon’s side of things - he has a certain affection for Robb, he’s more of a brother than his own brothers, he wishes he had died with him or at least that he had been there at the moment of Robb’s death, depending on how sincere he feels like being. We also know a little bit of what other characters thought of their relationship. Bran says Robb admired Theon and enjoyed his company, and it’s implied that he finds this baffling. He’s also jealous that Robb spends more time with Theon and other adults doing adult things than with his brothers. And though I’ve talked at lenght about interpretation and wiggle room to understand things, it’s also pretty evident that Robb is down to hear Theon talk about his sexual conquests in some detail as long as his brothers aren’t around.

Of course, Bran is a child and much as he loves Robb, their time together is cut short and Robb is not his main concern anyway. We get most material about Robb and Theon’s relationship from Cat’s pov. There’s a lot we can analyse and Damien had already done a great not-meta about it, but sadly he’s since deleted, thank you to the demons who got on his case, but for me the most damning piece of evidence that Robb feels very strongly for Theon is this:

“Robb will avenge his brothers. Ice can kill as dead as fire. Ice was Ned’s greatsword. Valyrian steel, marked with the ripples of a thousand foldings, so sharp I feared to touch it. Robb’s blade is dull as a cudgel compared to Ice. It will not be easy for him to get Theon’s head off, I fear. The Starks do not use headsmen. Ned always said that the man who passes the sentence should swing the blade, though he never took any joy in the duty.”

So to unpack what is going on: nearly drowing in grief, Cat rambles to Brienne about lots of things, including Theon’s impending death sentence. By Northern dumb tradition, Robb must be the one to behead Theon, his former best friend turned enemy, turned betrayer, turned brother-killer. And she says that it won’t be easy for him to do it.

Now, it can be argued that this is partly because of the sword. They’ve lost their sharp valyrian steel and Robb uses an inferior blade, not as sharp. I reject this interpretation as the only explanation (and here comes my own biases) because she mentions the headsman right after. A headsman might be more experienced, but it’s not like he’d have valyrian steel to do it either. Rather, I think she’s talking about how being able to pass Theon off to be killed by a headsman would be easier on Robb psychologically, but it’s not really an option, so Robb will have to suffer.

At this point, to Robb’s knowledge, Theon has: 1) betrayed his trust and used the ruse of negociations with Balon to escape; 2) attacked the northern shore and enslaved his people; 3) attacked and took control of his home; 4) made his brothers hostages; 5) killed his brothers; 6) denied his brothers the right to be buried in a decent way; and finally, 7) burned their bodies and exposed them for all of the North to see.

And after all this, having to be the one to kill Theon will make him suffer.

We know one of the moments Robb gets the angriest in the books is when Bran is threatened by the wildlings. He is the acting Lord and keeping his little brothers safe is his responsability. He nearly bites Theon’s head off when Theon saves Bran in a risky way and we know that was uncharacteristic because Theon is still sulking about that a whole year later. So his siblings are dear to him, but even after Theon does everything from steps 1 to 4, he’s still sure they’re not in danger and that Theon won’t do anything to them. That’s how much he trusts Theon. It takes literal murder to make him change his mind.

But then he does change his mind. He believes Theon did those awful, awful things to his brothers. After that knowledge has had time to settle in, after he believes the worst of Theon, he has this amazing convo with Cat that I’ll quote whole because it’s amazing:

“Enough.” For just an instant Robb sounded more like Brandon than his father. “No man calls my lady of Winterfell a traitor in my hearing, Lord Rickard.” When he turned to Catelyn, his voice softened. “If I could wish the Kingslayer back in chains I would. You freed him without my knowledge or consent … but what you did, I know you did for love. For Arya and Sansa, and out of grief for Bran and Rickon. Love’s not always wise, I’ve learned. It can lead us to great folly, but we follow our hearts … wherever they take us. Don’t we, Mother?”

Is that what I did? “If my heart led me into folly, I would gladly make whatever amends I can to Lord Karstark and yourself.”

Lord Rickard’s face was implacable. “Will your amends warm Torrhen and Eddard in the cold graves where the Kingslayer laid them?” He shouldered between the Greatjon and Maege Mormont and left the hall.

Robb made no move to detain him. “Forgive him, Mother.”

“If you will forgive me.”

“I have. I know what it is to love so greatly you can think of nothing else.”

Catelyn bowed her head. “Thank you.” I have not lost this child, at least.

So we know that what is going on here is that Robb is buttering Cat up before breaking the news of his marriage to Jeyne to her. One of the possible interpretations supported by the text is that Jeyne is in love with Robb and Robb is not in love with her. It’s a common reading that he married her out of honor and to avoid a possible Jon Snow situation. During their marriage, he seems to grow fond of her - Cat notices he likes her company better, and her brother’s, and that he laughs when he is with the Westerlings - but he also keeps some distance. She’s afraid of Grey Wind, which pretty much means being afraid of a part of him. In turn, he’s attentive, courteous, and a bit touched and annoyed at her public displays of affection.

Then there is this gem:

“His heir failed him.” Robb ran a hand over the rough weathered stone. “I had hoped to leave Jeyne with child … we tried often enough, but I’m not certain…”

And this is more Damien’s not-meta than my own, but once you see it, you can’t ever unsee it. Compare the bolded parts in that quote in the first Cat-Robb convo to the part bolded in the second one, put them side to side and tell me you can’t see the difference. In the first one, Robb basically spells it out that he’s made a mistake out of love, that love turned him into a fool, but it was stronger than him. At that point of the narrative, Robb’s biggest mistake (and notably it was HIS mistale, it was not a case of the narrative screwing him over) was to free Theon. A mistake that caused him to lose his brothers, castle and a significant chunk of political standing. The consequences of marrying Jeyne, which is pretty much only to lose the Freys, don’t even compare - especially because the Stark faction believes they can win their support back.

And this love that made him act like a fool is further described in the second bolded part of that quote. He loved so greatly that he could think of nothing else. That is some passion there, folks. Even considering that he’s trying to get Cat on his side, it strikes me as so sincere and heartfelt. And again, maybe it’s my own biases showing, but that sounds like an all-consuming love, the kind of love that doesn’t go away easily. I don’t see that same depth of emotion on the second bolded quote… they tried often enough. Does it add up with the first part? I don’t think so.

My conclusion, and forgive me if the shipper gogles come in, is that the love that hurt him, that consumed him, is the love he had for Theon. Not for his wife. But it was in the past, one might say. His marriage was just beginning, he and Jeyne grow closer, etc. I’ll quote two more bits:

“I cannot speak to that. There is much confusion in any war. Many false reports. All I can tell you is that my nephews claim it was this bastard son of Bolton’s who saved the women of Winterfell, and the little ones. They are safe at the Dreadfort now, all those who remain.”

“Theon,” Robb said suddenly. “What happened to Theon Greyjoy? Was he slain?”

Here we are nearing the Red Wedding. Some Freys come to pretend to make peace and pressure for a wedding to Edmure and they bring news of the battle of Winterfell. Professional writers don’t often abuse the “suddenly” like us poor fic writers, so when he says it was sudden, i believe it was sudden. I believe it came out of nowhere, in fact, and that Robb was the only one in that room considering Theon’s fate.

Roose Bolton removed a ragged strip of leather from the pouch at his belt. “My son sent this with his letter.”

Ser Wendel turned his fat face away. Robin Flint and Smalljon Umber exchanged a look, and the Greatjon snorted like a bull. “Is that … skin?” said Robb.

“The skin from the little finger of Theon Greyjoy’s left hand. My son is cruel, I confess it. And yet … what is a little skin, against the lives of two young princes? You were their mother, my lady. May I offer you this … small token of revenge?“ 

Part of Catelyn wanted to clutch the grisly trophy to her heart, but she made herself resist. “Put it away. Please.”

“Flaying Theon will not bring my brothers back,” Robb said. “I want his head, not his skin.”

Aside from Catelyn, who is torn, and maybe the Greatjon (I don’t know what snorting like a bull is supposed to convey), no one in that room approves of torturing Theon, they’re all rightly creeped out. But no one would blink an eye if Robb had ordered Theon flayed alive. Instead, he commands the torture to stop. Of course it’s the only decent thing to do, but let’s all appreciate how the character who is always arguing for peace, end of conflict and letting things go for the sake of the living and what can still be saved instead of more violence, is tempted by it. Robb is the only one who shares the full extent of Cat’s grief here, but he’s also the only one to try and stop the senseless punishment.

I joke all the time about how Throbb is canon, and it’s mostly jokes. They are not canon in the sense that Cat and Ned are canon, and I don’t think we’ll have any more facts added to their story together, there probably won’t be any flashbacks that hint at a romantic relationship between them. But looking at the text alone, what we have of it as of now, it’s possible to support a canonical reading for this ship. This interpretation is there in the text if you want to see it. In fact, some things make more sense if Robb was in love with Theon.

And you know, having a ship be supported by canon is not actually a condition that needs to be met to ship anything. It’s just something I particularly need to get into it. But even if you read Theon and Robb as just friends, it’s a reach to say that Robb didn’t love Theon.

Of course, we have Robb demonstrating affection towards Jon in the books too. He is Robb’s chosen heir, to Cat’s despair. Despite all the negative propaganda bastards get and the fact that the mother he so respected and loved disliked and distrusted Jon, Robb considers him a full brother, to compare to Sansa’s constant “half-brother” from the beginning of her journey. They’re seen having a good time together (they have a horse race in their very first appearance in the books, and Mance recalls them getting into trouble together as children), so they enjoy each other’s company.

Yet there’s also an undercurrent of sibling rivalry between them, seen from Jon’s pov. We have this bit with Benjen:

Benjen gave Jon a careful, measuring look. “You don’t miss much, do you, Jon? We could use a man like you on the Wall.”

Jon swelled with pride. “Robb is a stronger lance than I am, but I’m the better sword, and Hullen says I sit a horse as well as anyone in the castle.”

This is hilarious to me. My uncle paid me a compliment for being perceptive, a skill not at all related to martial skills! Time to compare my martial skills to my brother’s, even though we’re both 14 and there’s lots of more tried warriors in the world and we haven’t even had our last growh spurt! This is sure to impress a seasoned ranger!

Of course we know Jon’s rivalry towards Robb comes from his bastard status, but it’s interesting to me that it’s something that centers around Robb alone; he doesn’t compare himself to Bran or Rickon as far as I remember. That can be explained by their very similar ages and growing up together, I think. Jon has the advantage of being older than his other true born brothers.

Jon also says this:

Bastard children were born from lust and lies, men said; their nature was wanton and treacherous. Once Jon had meant to prove them wrong, to show his lord father that he could be as good and true a son as Robb. I made a botch of that. Robb had become a hero king; if Jon was remembered at all, it would be as a turncloak, an oathbreaker, and a murderer. He was glad that Lord Eddard was not alive to see his shame.

To Jon - and to the other Stark children - Robb is often the model to be emmulated. I won’t dig up all the times they hold him up as the ideal of bravery. Jon’s feelings are not unique in this sense, though they are when it comes to the rivalry. They all admire Robb. From Robb’s side, I don’t remember hints of him admiring Jon or any of his siblings. He certainly loves them, likes them, and enjoys spending time with Jon at the very least.

But Theon is the one Robb admires in text. Bran says it, and Theon too:

“There is nothing small about the letter I bear,” Theon said, “and the offer he makes is one I suggested to him.”

“This wolf king heeds your counsel, does he?” The notion seemed to amuse Lord Balon.

“He heeds me, yes. I’ve hunted with him, trained with him, shared meat and mead with him, warred at his side. I have earned his trust. He looks on me as an older brother, he—”

Readers often dismiss this as Theon’s garden variety empty bragging. To be fair, Theon very much distorts reality in his head to fit his own idea of how things should be, but this is one of the few times when he’s not doing that. He’s genuinely proud that Robb thinks so well of him. And since he’s so sensitive about what people think of him and people not giving him the credit he thinks he deserves, I’m ready to believe his account of facts this one time.

What I get from canon, regarding who Robb loves the most out of Jon and Theon, is that he loves them differently. He might even love Jon more by ASOS; it’s a wonder that we have hints that he still cares about Theon at all by the end, after the murders of who we know are the miller boys, but who Robb thinks are Bran and Rickon.

He had different relationships with them. Even if you reject the reading of Throbb as romantic, friends and siblings are not interchangable, even if you’re out there calling close friends brothers or if your brother is your best friend. It’s different sorts of affection. At the beginning of the series, Robb and Theon seemed closer to me than Robb and Jon - let’s not forget that Jon’s favorite is Arya, and the biggest family drama at that time has to do with Jon and Cat. They grow even closer as they go to war together, and then they’re pushed apart by circumstances and by Theon’s actions.

But okay, this is not long enough yet, so let’s say that this is an invalid framework of analysis and Martin’s word of god has as much weight as canon, and that in fact, we’re 100% certain that Robb loved Jon more than Theon.

Why does it even need to be a competition? No one holds it against Ygritte that Jon loves Arya more. Asha has a steady boyfriend that she’d gladly marry, and still she takes risk after risk for Theon. Ned was probably the greatest love of Cat’s life, but her interactions with her brother and uncle are still emotional and moving in great part because of the depth of her love for them.

Robb loving Jon more doesn’t take anything away from Theon. He doesn’t love Theon less because he loves Jon more, love is not a finite resource. And Robb loved Theon plenty, be it in a familial, friends or romantic way. If it diminished, that was a result of Theon’s choices alone.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Marcel Herman:

Marcel Herman is a warlock and a former teacher from Hawthorne’s School For Extraordinary Young Men.

Do. Not. Trust. This. Man...

He’s almost worse than Damien, and as slimy as he is. Since after all, Marcel is the one who taught Damien the most at Hawthorne,  he encouraged his prowess and taught him quite a few of his sick values. He told Damien to be better than the witches, to take what he needed and wanted and to not let anyone else take it away from him. But it’s this kind of attitude that got him fired from Hawthorne as John Henry thought that he was a horrible influence on their students, and too ‘fucked up’ for them.

And he’s also a complete asshole to both Amy and Shinsou, and a misogynist as he thinks that the witches are nothing but ‘self-righteous cows’, but something of a racist as he mocks Amy and Shinsou by saying ‘I thought your people were supposed to be smart’.

Marcel is someone I wanted to be a very, VERY bad man, as he embodies some of the worst in humanity. I thought about Aizawa and All-Might and how Horikoshi writes them as good, compassionate teachers because they ARE. And I made Marcel the complete opposite, because sometimes other characters can give you ideas for a similar or opposite character. Marcel is the complete opposite of those two.

He’s a grown-man who knows how children’s minds work for the most part, and knows how they’re much more emotional and less put-together than adults like him are, and uses that to his advantage. He’s extremely toxic, horrible and sick-minded as well, and he’s got no excuse either, he simply feels entitled and insane enough to believe that his ideals are what’s going to make the world ‘better’ even though he literally wants to spread his poison to the world because he believes that his influence is what’s going to make everything ‘right’. Even though his influence involves literally poisoning everyone, to create ‘newer and better beings’ while killing off the originals and allowing him to seize control and power over them.

Story: 

He first appears to Amy and Shinsou during the former’s days in isolation at her mansion, particularly after Shinsou’s time during the Joint Training Arc. Amy and Shinsou were merely spending a day together as Madison, Mallory and Coco were spending a day together in Tokyo to relax. Amy spotted the mysterious warlock outside her gates and she instantly attacks upon seeing him. However, Marcel attempts to appeal to her by saying he means no harm and wishes to speak with the only other young witch in Japan. Naturally, Shinsou is skeptical of him and tells her that he has to be some evil old bastard, although Amy wants to hear him out since she assumed that she, Madison, Mallory and Coco were the only witches in Japan. Marcel requested help with an experiment, but Amy got a bad vibe from him and told him to leave as she only helps if someone is going to die.

Taking her remark literally, he uses his giant squid-like monster to enrapture Shinsou into it’s tentacles much to his shock and horror and remarks to Amy that ‘now someone is going to die’. 

Alarmed and disgusted, Shinsou attempts to break free from the tentacles that wrapped around his torso, until Marcel warns him that it’s a ‘bad idea’, and Amy immediately tries to attack the warlock, but he immediately stops her attack via Concilium. Marcel then gives Amy an ultimatum, as he wanted her to retrieve DNA from a student of 1-A or any powerful individual for him to keep for an experiment, otherwise he’ll wake up his dormant monster to strangle, kill and impregnate Shinsou.

Panicking and not wanting to imagine that horrible fate, Shinsou screams for Amy to get someone’s DNA fast as the tentacles were beginning to wrap themselves tighter around him. Marcel gave Amy no choice, as the witch ran every way, which way to find DNA from a classmate, and eventually but reluctantly settled on retrieving DNA from Todoroki, who offered a few strands of his hair for her to use.

Although Amy didn’t explain herself, she cheerfully took the DNA pieces and gave it to Marcel. But when Amy demands that he free Shinsou, Marcel admits that he lied about letting him live and awoke his monster and had gotten ready to kill and impregnate Shinsou, only for Amy to intervene and pry it away from his body with her telekinesis. Unfortunately, this angered Marcel as he fought with her, using his monster as his back-up as a horrified Shinsou picked himself up to help his friend.

Their efforts were good, but Marcel proved to be a very effective and experienced warlock as he used the ground to trap Shinsou and exerted his powerful Concilium over Amy. Marcel talks about his plans to use UA as his new ‘lab’ since he wanted to use the students and teachers for his sick experiments and offer them up as bait and ‘hosts’ for his squid monster much to Amy’s horror.  

Marcel attempted to appeal to her by the use of emotional manipulation by tricking her into believing she wanted them to suffer, but Amy, who knew she never wanted that, calls him sick as she becomes all the more determined to stop him. Only for a sadistic Marcel to tell her that she will never save her friends as his squid monster approaches her and he told it to kill her. Thankfully, Iida and Yaoyorozu had arrived to visit Amy at her mansion to check up on her, but Marcel seizes the opportunity to attack them as he immediately goes after them. The two teens quickly fight back as soon as Marcel threatens them, but Marcel is much too powerful as he takes Yaoyorozu hostage and his monster traps Iida. 

Fearful for her friend’s lives, this gives her the boost of adrenaline to use her telekinesis to make her dagger stab Marcel in the back, forcing him to let go of Yaoyorozu and using all her might to retract the monster with Sentio Compassios to free Iida. Marcel tried to plead with her to let him go, but an enraged Amy threw him and his monster at an extremely far distance. As Amy frees Shinsou from the ground and rescues Iida and Yaoyorozu, she tearfully hugs her friends who quickly console her.

Personality:

Marcel calls himself ‘man of science’ as he utilizes both magic and science together, believing it to be the only way to ‘change the world’, and views himself as a visionary because he thinks that his fucked up ideas are the only thing that can make the world better. But in actuality he’s a twisted, vile man who has no empathy for anybody or any other humans, including his fellow warlocks and witches as he deemed the other warlocks as ‘idiots’ for not believing in his insane ideals.

His lack of empathy is shown when he not only threatens Shinsou’s life but when he laughs at Amy’s hopelessness and tears when she thought Shinsou was going to be killed. Marcel is not exactly a sociopath as he understands empathy from other people, and uses it against them, but does not seem capable of it himself and is far too self-centered to feel genuine affection for anybody else. Although he is fond of his squid-like creature, calling it his ‘child’.

Despite this disturbing trait, Marcel is somewhat kooky and eccentric as he has a very dry but messed up sense of humor as he cracked very bad jokes about Shinsou’s situation when he had his squid trap him. And is also sarcastic as he can taunt and mock other heroes who approach him.

Marcel is also unbothered by horrifying things that others have done, as he is aware of others who have performed human experimentation such as Overhaul and Dr. Ujiko. He showed little to no shock, and instead noted that they were ‘sloppy’ in the execution of their ideas since they got caught by the heroes, but at the same time thought that they had the right ideas.

Marcel: (To Amy) Surely you know the name of the man Kai Chisaki?

Amy: (clenches her fists, tearing up when she thinks about Magne) Yeah… I do… he killed my friend… one of these days… he’s going to die for that…

Marcel: (not at all sympathetic) That man had quite an idea… I wouldn’t mind reverting the human population back to their natural states. Only us witches and warlocks should have the power after all so I give him those ‘mad props’… And Dr. Ujiko… (Amy looks confused) He’s a doctor too you see? He made those Nomu creatures you and your friends fought off… rather ugly in my opinion. But also…brilliant. It’s just that... how they did it was sloppy, very sloppy... child’s play even, I mean they got caught. What kind of villain gets caught? 

Marcel aimed to make his experiments better, taking new inspiration from the two villains. However, the mad scientist he felt the most inspired by was Dr. Arthur Arden/Hans Gruper, the nazi doctor who worked at the abandoned Briarcliff Manor asylum, but also viewed the serial killer Dr. Oliver Thredson/Bloody Face as an enlightened and fascinating man. These two individuals who were some of the most inhumane and vile human beings Amy had done her research on and despised with every ounce of her being as Dr. Arden was a Nazi, and Bloody Face was a serial killer and rapist.

The warlock wanted to be better than them, and so he did his own human experimentation, starting with a woman he felt an attraction to. He was fascinated by the squid species, particularly cuttlefish and octopuses. Through a series of magic, potions and a dead squid, he would kidnap the woman he felt attracted to and used her for his twisted experiments which is what resulted in the giant squid-like creature that accompanies him, as she ‘gave birth’ to the monster according to him. He fondly calls it ‘their child’ much to Amy’s immense disgust.

He’s extremely cruel by nature and has a sadistic side as he took joy in seeing Amy’s misery and fear over the lives of her friends, and even smiled when his creature almost killed Shinsou. As Marcel had no problem murdering people, including teenagers, and had no problem killing bystanders because he didn’t hesitate to attack and threaten the lives of Iida and Yaoyorozu. At those same times, Marcel also displayed a twisted sense of humor even as he was going to murder him in what would have been his final moments.

Marcel: (To Amy) Well! You succeeded and got me what I needed but because I need him more for my work and all... say good-bye to your friend. (To Shinsou) Just a warning kid it’s going to hurt like hell so... feel free to pray unless... you don’t do that of course not EVERYONE is religious but... either way it won’t help. (chuckles)

Shinsou: (being smothered by the creature as it prepares to impregnate him, his mouth covered by a strong appendage) NOOOOOOOOOO!!

He’s an arrogant man, arrogant enough to believe that his ideals and plans for humanity are going to make everything better. But he was also extremely proud of his skills as a warlock, as he claims that he was able to defeat John Henry Moore and Behold Chablis when they tried to confront him and he would have killed them had Cordelia not stepped in. Marcel’s arrogance is still apparent though, as he laughs off the pro-heroes as a joke when Iida and Yaoyorozu attempted to intimidate him when he caught them. 

However, Marcel is also extremely cowardly at the same time as he let his monster take care of Iida, while he himself held Yaoyorozu, a young girl, hostage. His cowardice shows when he pleaded for Amy to spare him despite what he did to her friends and as a result Amy threw him into the sky. Likewise,  he only came to Amy when other witches such as Madison, Mallory and Coco weren’t around and attacked her when she was alone and vulnerable because he knew that she and Shinsou wouldn’t have been able to take him on alone. A pragmatic move but also a display of cowardice as he also panicked when he thought that Madison or Mallory had returned.

Even though he’s a coward, Marcel is also a very vindictive and petty man, as he plans to get revenge on Amy after what she did to him and for foiling his ideas and is still currently out there. Plotting. As he still has Todoroki's DNA given to him by Amy as well as DNA from Amy herself and Shinsou.

Abilities:

Marcel appears to be a frail man, and is physically weak, but his magic is extremely powerful enough to take on more than 30 warlocks and witches all by himself. As he’s extremely proficient in Telekinesis, Concilium, Teleportation and Spellcraft, as well as Scrying as it’s what he used to find and track down Amy. 

Although he is mad, he was a pretty good scientist who created deadly potion, including one that allowed one to take the appearance of another using their DNA. Which is the potion that he forced Amy to help him make and later told her why he wanted someone else’s DNA. 

Another potion he created is what he claims to be the ‘cure to quirks’, as he felt inspired by Chisaki’s Quirk-Erasing Bullets, but named this potion the ‘Eradication’ potion. He designed it to be better, without relying on the DNA of another human to erase a quirk. As this potion can completely one’s DNA, eliminating their mutations and any semblance of supernatural or magic in them as he used the means of several spells and other antibodies to create it. He states that this potion will actually work on witches and warlocks, unlike the Quirk-Erasing bullets as he hypothesizes that they can’t work on witches or warlocks, since their magic comes from the light and other sources and not just their DNA.

And he also successfully created his squid-creature through horrible means to be both a pet and a killer of his enemies, but also act as a breeding mule to create ‘new beings’ and replicate the ones his squid impregnates.

So there he is... wow... he’s even worse than Damien... I hate him XD He’s stuck on an island but he’s going to come back... and I’m going to make sure he suffers I promise. I’m talking chainsaws.. because at the time Amy just wanted to get rid of him and rescue her friends, next time she sees him... it will NOT be pretty but it will be EPIC. 

[sinceyouaskedme]

One thing I've always kind of wondered with TBS is "If it hadn't been Mark would Joan have cared"? That is if she hadn't been personally affected by the AMs abuse would she be working so hard to correct it. Does she care about Tier 5 patients because they are suffering inhumane abuse or because they represent Mark and Mark's anger towards her. Also how do the Tier 5s who know Mark feel about the fact that he got out and from their point of view just forgot about them and went on to live his life

Like to another Tier 5 member it could very well seem that Mark only got out because his sister was an AM agent. That even though Mark spent years seeing and participating in all sorts of abuse and human rights violations he basically abandoned everyone when he got out by going to live with his sister and girlfriend, and then going on a band tour. They might question why he hadn't like become Magneto and tried to destroy the AM and bust everyone out.

Also Mark and survivor's guilt! How responsible does Mark feel for all the other Tier 5 patients? When he was out how often did he think that about the fact that he didn't desrve to be happy while all the other Tier 5 people we still suffering? Did he ever think about trying to break people out? Did he secretly resent everyone because he wondered if Joan wasn't his sister and Sam wasn't cushing on him they wouldn't have saved him? They weren't initially trying to save anyone else after all.

Sorry for the long posts but your episode summaries really inspired me. Like what if after busting Mark out and learning about the atypicals in Tier 5 Damien did go aroung the country collecting atypicals like Pokemon, as I think Sam brought up, on his and Mark's rode trip. What if it had all been Mark's idea so they could go back and basically pull a prison break and burn the AM down. Basically AU where Mark and Damien become the Magneto and Mystic to Joan's / Sam's Xavier.

WHAT A PLETHORA OF DELICIOUS QUESTIONS 

I don’t think there’s any way to really know whether or not Joan would have cared, because we don’t know enough about who Joan was before. I think it does Joan an enormous credit that Wadsworth and Green chose not to tell her about Tier Five, even before Mark was in the picture; it seems to indicate that they, at least, didn’t expect that she would have been comfortable with their methods. At the same time, Joan had didn’t have any hesitations about using Sam, Chloe, and Damien to get Mark out. 

I think everything about Mark’s kidnapping was a trauma to Joan, and it’s a trauma she hasn’t been able to address healthily, and that kind of trauma often makes one short-sighted.

I think Joan’s entire character rests on this beautiful moral quagmire of wanting to be a good person but only insofar as that doesn’t come into conflict with protecting her own. So I think she would want to dismantle Tier Five regardless, but I also think that if Mark asked her to walk away and leave the AM alone she’d do so. (Not that he ever would ask that. I’m just saying, I don’t think she knows how to prioritize anything over him at this point.) 

I’d kill to know how many other people in Tier Five even knew that Mark had gotten out. I’d assume he was kept extremely isolated for the years he was in a coma -- I can’t imagine Wadsworth was eager to see if putting him in proximity to atypicals would hurt him further once Joan found out where he was -- and I’d believe that most other patients wouldn’t have noticed that he’d disappeared, or if they had the AM wouldn’t have admitted that he’d escaped. 

And if anyone did notice/figure out that he’d gotten out, Mark said he didn’t put together that Joan was working for the AM until he was trapped in the past, so the other patients probably also didn’t know that his sister was the reason for his break-out.

But god, yes, imagine the absolute FURY they all must feel when it finally all comes to light that this one motherfucker not only GOT OUT, but didn’t do JACK SHIT to get the rest of them out at the same time, just sort of kind of sent his sister back a year later to ‘’’improve’’’ ‘’’patient’’’ ‘’’conditions’’’. I’d be livid. I would _hunt him down_. 

I don’t know how to talk about Mark and survivor’s guilt. I pretty much just yelled YES!!! YEAH!!!!!!! to everything you wrote in that section. I think he thought about going back all the time, and I think he resented the hell out of Sam and Joan for not saving anyone else, and I ALSO think that Damien, as the person who actually physically removed Mark from the AM facility, bore the initial brunt of Mark’s anger and resentment over this. 

_AND_ I _ALSO_ think that Mark would never ever ever be able to put any of that into words. I think if someone suggested he might have survivor’s guilt, he’d deny it 100% and believe he was telling the truth. I think he’s repressed it a whole hell of a lot. 

In conclusion, it’s 2019, how dare you make me make grabby hands at a Mark-Damien road trip AU! How dare you make me think of how different and amazing everything could have been if Damien had told Mark from the beginning “The person who sent me to get you out didn’t mention anything about freeing any of those other atypicals and that feels hella sketchy to me, I don’t think we should trust her, let’s run away together instead”! I’m going to be thinking forevermore about all the beautiful damage they could have caused even with just the two of them once Damien reached the point where his main desire was to do whatever Mark wanted and Mark’s main desire was to burn the AM to the goddamn ground!!!

[cordiibus]

HEADCANONS. Damien’s Autism

Again , I wanted to make a mass post regarding Damien’s Autism and how it does affect his life and how he handles from being overwhelmed. His Autism shows differently than Akar’s since its such a huge spectrum and I wanted to show that with Damien. Again, his autism isn’t all his character is, however still a vital part of him !  Though this list is not complete, I created some and hopefully as I keep educating myself and learning more will come or changes will be made. If theres anything I’m missing or you feel like I should include or fix please feel free to tell me ! I want to make sure Im writing him the best way I am !  

Damien was diagnose with Autism much later than most children. Due to parents both being deployed into the Army ( as well as cultural stigmas ) , signs of autism were simply mistaken for Damien being more shy or simply learning to speak slower than other children/also thinking he could possibly be becoming deaf at a young age since deafness runs within his father’s family. 

He began speech therapy and learning different ways of communicating. One of the ways is Sign Language because it uses his hands and was quicker for him to do as he was learning to speak as well. It was only after he began speech therapy that there were hints of him being autistic, however he was never properly diagnosed until around the age of 10 ( again cultural stigmas ). 

 As he began to learn how to speak, he also began immediately having an interest in language. Enough to begin grasping new ones as he began growing up. This was the first sign that his sensory traits will involve sounds, this one being more positive than it would be overwhelming. 

Damien is attracted to all kinds of sounds, the louder the better. He dislikes silence and dislikes when no sound can be heard/found. However, it becomes overwhelming when theres too many sounds coming from one specific enclosed area. Which is why you will always find him wearing headphones ( though it was a tip he learn from his cousin Oliver ), he uses his headphones and blast his own music to counter other sounds ( which at first was negative because of how loud he blasted his own music, however he was taught what proper volume should be used ). It also should be known that since he uses music -- that his genre of music is very loud. Screamo, Punk, Rock, Loud Jazz -- anything with loud sounds or vocals, strong vocals, are his favorite kind of music. 

Damien also picked up on learning instruments that include: the Trumpet, the Saxophone, the Piano, and the Drums. ( he knows enough in each to be good but hes not particularly amazing in each of them. this was also just a special interest when he was younger that he grew out of having and then developed into something else ). 

With addition to his liking of sounds, it also can be seen in other areas like specific sounds making him happy ( crunch noises like leaves/snow ), it also moved to being a stim of his to make noises be it clicking/popping his tongue or cracking his knuckles. 

Another one of his stims is chewing as well. Growing up he would always chew on his shirts, sleeves, hoodie strings ( still does ) and found some comfort in chewing. With this he has an actual chew necklaces, as well as always carries around candy/gum. Its also why he paints/does his nails so he could stop biting on his nails.  

Another stim Damien does when hes happy is also clapping and the flapping of his hands ! 

Another positive sensory he has is towards colors -- especially very bright colors. Though too much can be overwhelming and especially if he stares for too long. Bright colors are another thing that gathers his attention. Its why he also dresses in rather bright colors as well. Just really really likes bright colors. His art definitely portrays that as well. He also has  synesthesia, which plays its part in this as well. 

However, with positive come negatives. One negative sensory that he has is actually also through taste as well. There are certain textures in food that feel wrong in his mouth. Foods that are soggy and are non-solids, are the ones that fit in that categories. Damien will refuse to eat anything that fall into that category. Also chewy foods that aren’t gum ( fruit gummies ) also have the same problem. Also -- dietary restrictions are also a thing. Gluten is just out of the question for him to be eating. On top of that, certain smells are often avoided by him. More floral scents, are the ones that he often avoids which includes some perfumes and well as hygienic materials ( shampoos / soaps ). He does like scents that are more metallic -- sharpies, paint, spray paint, metal -- fit into that. 

Though Damien is excellent in language, sound, and now speaking -- reading always proved to be challenging. Mix with being a auditory and visual learning, but add in his autism -- reading on his own with nothing else proved to be challenging when in school. If there was a book that needed to be read, he would spend hours looking for an auditory book or have his friend/parents read the pages to him. And when neither were available, it was trouble for Damien to completely understand what was going on in the book. Though he could read it out loud -- that was often looked down at and became annoying to others. So he found these courses to be more challenging. 

Damien has trouble with empathy. Not that he doesn’t feel any, but he feels too much at times aka he experiences hyper-empathy. Depending on the situation, he can be overwhelmed by another person’s feelings and start feeding that into his own. If he sees someone crying, even if he doesn’t know them, he will most likely sit and cry with them solely because of how he picked up on the emotion. He is very good at telling people’s emotions, though sometimes does falter over how much they are feeling it. 

Damien also experiences meltdowns very often, however has gotten really good at learning when theyre coming and will excuse himself with “i have a migraine” so he can properly take care of it without it going any further. Usually this means finding somewhere completely quiet and listening to his own music and just let himself sit in a ball. Before he had learned how to tell, his meltdowns were immediate shut downs of himself. Just no response from him. 

Damien is often not seen as someone on the spectrum because of the way he behaves.Which is something he learned he really hated, so if anyone says that to him, they will immediately be met with a different Damien. 

He hates being told what to do. Period. He always had a hard time taking instructions from someone, or being guided in a different way. Damien will fully refuse to do what someone wants him to do, which is something his parents learned as he grew up. There is obviously ways around this, which is just to ask him differently. Depending what it is just say “Damien, can you do something for me please ?” And already then his empathy wants to already help this person. but say it like “Do it this way” then hes deadass not going to do it. 

Damien can drive !! He is very much able to drive, however under certain conditions that he realized himself. He cannot drive during night, because of all the bright lights -- nor can he drive in bad weather. Also he will always have his windows up and his music playing. He will never give up his AUX cord to anyone else, so don’t ask or even try. If you also tell him his music sucks, then he will have no issue kicking you out of his car too. He also has a white mini cooper because his dad wouldnt let him get the pink one. 

Damien does his nails, yes already explained, another thing is that the collects nail polish, vinyls, and spray paint. All these things are very well organized in his room, just shelves, bins, and everything. Also hes very disorganized in every thing else. 

His autism helped him in theatre in high school !! Being able to understand another person’s emotion and then reflect them back, really made him super good at acting when he was in Theatre. Some say it has to do with being a “chameleon” in being able to copy the traits of others. Though actually was more able to put himself in their own situation and feel what they were feeling because of his hyper-empathy. He really still loves the theatre too. 

[zeldabeldauwu]

Hi meet Alex

Personality

At this point she has a:

a talkative and cheery disposition. She is very clumsy, noted for finding ways to accidentally hurt herself or to drop things. Regardless, she is shown to be a cunning individual who can trick others to get food. She is usually shown to break up arguments,, Ali is usually better when it comes to dealing with people, notably at mediations. She tries her best to help everyone be happy and dislikes attention directed at her well-being because she feels unworthy of anything that others have to offer her.she also doesn't seem to think highly of herself. Her relationship with the star Marco Tom Addison’s and other people's happiness are her main coping mechanisms since she believes that if she makes everyone else happy, she will not have a reason whatsoever to be unhappy. Oki!

I dunno if this part is important to the story itself but it’s kinda important to Alex’s character

She’s the only one of my oc x canon characters that’s self aware

No she doesn’t know she’s just in a drawing/animation but she’s fully aware she’s in an alternate universe and that there are an infinite amount more with infinite possibilities (like how there’s universes where even tho one thing is canon like Starco, people still ship tomstar tomco you get the gist ^^) and she’s perfectly fine with that because she’s happy with the life she has now and other possibilities wouldn’t usually be anything that would involve her although she does wonder what goes on in those universes other than she already knows this part kinda helps people understand that Alex isn’t apart of the canon storyline and I’m not trying to make her apart of it! Anyway there is one downside to this revelation for Alex

It really affects her relationships with other people Knowing there are infinite possibilities in that area scares her She’s not secluded or anything

She’s a very bubbly and social bb (unlike her creator quq) But it takes a while for her to really warm up to you She also never really showed interest in having a lover either so it’s easier She never really wants to settle down and wanted to put her adventures and kingdom first so love was a last priority for her tbh But she always spread her love and affection

Backstory:

She and her twin Addison use to be friends with star since they were 2

Seeing as their mothers were good friends as well Her father would never join them tho

In dragon culture of this universe dragons are basically taught “dragons are better than any other species and crush everyone beneath you” This was mainly taught by the elemental court run by the Solar family which was the top of the rank dragons who were all siblings

The only one who didn’t agree was the youngest of the court which was the magic branch ran by the youngest of the Solar family who was Alex’s mother, Novella She thought that all species were equal and that we should all be treated with love and care and that hurting and fighting eachother would only lead to chaos She tried to tell her siblings time and time again but they just claimed she was just a silly child and would brush it off So she started sneaking off into different dimensions and actually made a lot of friends and that made her devotion of wanting to protect other species even stronger But one day it was found that she fell in love with a human (which were just considered pets to them) And they locked her in a dark room until they were able to find suitable dragon men for her to marry

And since she was the youngest she couldn’t really fight back against her siblings So she was forced to marry a light sorcerer dragon who would eventually be the twin’s father But he unfortunately did not have the same mindset as her when it came to other species Soon Novella left the court and cut all ties with her siblings She turned her planet into a safe haven for all species although her husband didn’t agree

He didn’t technically have a say But when Alex and her twin Addison turned 10 both her mother and father just disappeared

The king’s body was found dead in his dragon from on a planet he was trying to take over and Novella wasn’t any where to be found They searched for months but soon just had to label her dead as well even though there was technically no evidence that she was harmed or killed But because of that the only one left for the girls was eachother and Novella’s right hand man and royal guard leader Okami Meaning the girls had to grow up early and learn to run the kingdom themselves with the help of Okami and because of that they lost contact with Star Fast forward 6 years (I bumped the ages up

A bit) in this universe Tom and star never broke up officially btw They broke off for like 3 months before getting back together

Anyway

Alex and Addie always have a small festival on the day they started running the festival It’s call the sun and moon festival Because when the twins were born Alex took after her mom so they named her the moon princess

And Addison took after her dad so they named her the sun princess Alex was incharge of making sure the word got out since she was the social one

And she found an old photo of her and star and started to really miss her so

She sent an invite to her personally in hopes she’d come

And she happily did along with Tom (they’re still together in this universe) Marco and ofcourse comet ((my friend’s oc))

When they met up the quickly caught up and star introduced her to Tom and Marco

And Alex thought he was cute

But that’s really it As I said she showed no interest in a boyfriend at the time After the festival they all started to hang out except Addison who literally said to Star’s face she had better things to do She hated how close her sister was getting to Marco She had the same beliefs as her mother’s family so she was

1- jealous on the fact that he was getting so close to his sister

2-that she’d waste her time with a human I also should point out that Alex didn’t know anything about their family

Their mother and Okami refused to tell them anything

Basically at this point star Marco and Tom offered to help Alex find out more about her family and her mother’s past for her own sake

Also Alex and Marco have become great friends and Alex has only started to have the feels for him

But she doesn’t know it because she never had a crush before and is really really scared of love because of the infinite possibilities so first

She’s trying to get to know him more and be better friends than him before trusting him with her heart because for all she knows the feeling could disappear in a week

But during that time Addison called her a disappointment for getting so close to a human and since she’s the only family she’s aware of it stuck to her so she started dating a dragon boy named Damien just to make her happy This was when Marco and Alex first became friends and had more of a BFF relationship But Marco and star noticed how Damien changed Alex in a negative way She became more quiet and distant and when they asked she’d fake a smile and say she was just sleepy They could tell Damien was draining the life out of her and they tried to talk to Addison about it but she brushed it off saying “first relationships can be tiring she’ll get better” It was the last straw when Marco heard Damian say he’s only with Alex to get control of her kingdom and call her “an air headed dunce” that he talked to star and they decided they had to convince her to dump him and she finally did after 7 months into the relationship

It took 1 and a half years for her to realized that she had feelings for Marco Alex was afraid of love and she was so scared of being inlove with Marco because of her fear of the infinite universes she tried to date another dragon to get over her feelings but after 5 months she realized she wasn’t happy And she broke up with him

He was upset because he loved her but he wanted her to be happy so he gave her a hug and said they were cool

And now they’re best friends!

Currently in the story Alex is battling with her feelings and her anxiety while also Trying to deal with her family

This story will continue to be updated!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HEY READ THIS BEFORE COMMENTING My account along with my oc x canon work is strictly used for fun and as my coping mechanism so please don’t take it too seriously. All of the characters and Oc x Canon ships are placed in an alternate universe called OCXC-1879 which is separated from canon story lines so if one or more of the canon characters are already have a canon ship please remember that it’s in an alternate universe and i am not trying to force my characters in the canon storyline thanks for the understanding

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #180

“why don’t presidents fight the war, why do they always send the poor?”

Do you study anything? If so what? Not currently.. Listening to music? What’s the opening and last lyric of the song? "From her throne of skulls rules our queen of endless might / and lead us the the kingdom of chaos where the dark hearts forever dwell" ("Dark Mother Divine" by Dissection). Are you a fan of sci-fi? Neutral. What’s your favorite musical? Musicals make me cringe. Have you ever taken an underwater picture? No. What was your favorite color when you was little? Has it changed? Red, and then pink when I learned it was its own color. It's still pink. Are you a fan of cheesecake? Omfg no Ever been on a ride and hated every second? I don't believe so. When was the last time you jumped? And why? biiiiih I have no idea. What color is the floor in your bedroom? Tan. Who’s the last person that slept over at your house? Sara. What color is the hair on your arms? Very light brown. Favorite color eyeshadow? Black is the only way to go. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more? Yeah. Who was the last person that cried in front of you? Did you do/say anything to comfort them? My niece or nephew, because we were leaving, and yes. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Did you feel embarrassed about it? Mom, probs. No. What was the last compliment you received from someone of the opposite sex? My psychiatrist said I was doing well with improvement or something. Does the person you love/like have any pets? Yes. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? No, things need to begin changing. Do you wear socks to bed? Who the fuck does that. Do you actually love your parents? Yeah. Do you like being in a relationship? Yeah. Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun? I don't tan. Are you taller than your mum? I think she's like, a half inch taller than me? What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall? If it has a Hot Topic, some band or graphic t-shirt. Do you prefer regular or diet soft drinks? Regular, as the artificial sweetener in diet inevitably gives me a headache. Tastes awful, anyway. How long do you need to get to know someone, before you’d think about having a relationship with them? I think this depends on how quickly and deeply you click. Would you ever consider going to meet up with someone you started talking to online? Already have, would meet more. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this? No. Do you have any friends you’d trust completely with your life? Sara. Are you failing any classes you’re taking in school? N/A Name one song lyric from your favorite song of all time? "In school, I would just bite my tongue, and now your words, they strike me down. The flags are false and they contradict, they point and click which wounds to lick." Do you know anyone who owns a pet chinchilla? Are they fun? No. Do your parents trust you alone with members of the opposite sex? Yeah. What is the most visited website you have listed right now? I'm sure it's YouTube. Do you enjoy singing? Why or why don't you like it? Sometimes, but I suck at it. Have you ever been in a talent show? What was your talent? No. Do you have a best friend who is of the opposite sex? No. What’s one song you’re definitely getting sick of at the moment? I don't listen to such songs once they get old. Do you know the full anatomy of the human body? Why or why not? No, because I've never specialized in studying it in its entirety. Have you ever cheated on a significant other before? No. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend have a pretty smile? ACTUAL SUNSHINE What is your favorite past-time or hobby? Why is this your favorite? Gaming, 'cuz it's the best escape from reality imo. Are you committing a sin at the moment? Which one? Sloth. Always. What do you consider being the worst curse word? I don't believe in "curse" words. Do you like kissing lightly better than just making out? I mean I'm pretty sure anyone would reply with "it depends on the mood." On average, how many songs do you listen to in a day? No clue. Sometimes many, sometimes none. Do you ever buy your pet(s) birthday or Christmas presents? Yes. Do you still own any VHS tapes? Do you ever watch them? Mom probably has old home videos. Otherwise, no. One thing you promised yourself you’d never do and then did? Not trying at all to be dramatic, but I seriously did promise myself I'd never risk loving someone again after Jason. Have you ever had to call 911? No. Have you ever rolled off your bed in your sleep? No. Do you get along with your significant other’s friends? I only know Tiffany, and she's great. Do you enjoy board games? No. What is the most expensive gift you have ever given someone? A promise ring. Describe your socks. I'm not wearing socks. I hate them. Do you believe in yourself? Sometimes. Do you feel bad when you kill bugs? Usually no... sadly. I should. If it was like a butterfly and insects of that sort, I'd feel awful. What is your favorite planet? Saturrrrrn. Do you have any pets that you had since you were born? No. Do you own anything that you had when you were a baby? Yes. Are you one of those people who are always cold? No, I'm like, permanently hot... Do you enjoy Mario games? Not especially. Things like Mario Kart though are fun to play with friends. Describe your signature: Legible but written waaay too slowly. What are some of your favorite card/board games? Battleship, Scattergories, Clue, Magic: The Gathering, uhhh... Do you own a gaming console? Which one? PS2, Wii, broken PS3 that I wanna get repaired, GameBoy, Nintendo DS Lite. What is the name of the last bar you went to? Never been to one. Do you follow any sports teams? No. How old were you when you attended your first concert and what was it? Ummm 17-ish? Alice Cooper. Which one of these words describe you the best: stubborn, impatient, hot-tempered, lazy, arrogant? Lazy. How about these: compassionate, forgiving, altruistic, honest, open-minded? Compassionate. If you had to choose one activity to do for 10 minutes, would you rather jump rope, hula hoop or hopscotch? My knees are baaaad, so all I really could survive is hula-hoop. What's the last TV show you watched, and do you relate to any of the characters? Ash had Naked and Afraid on at her house, but I related to neither contestant very much. If you had to compare yourself to one character from Friends, who would you say you're most like? Never really watched it. What is one movie you saw only once because you hated it so much? None solely for the reason of not liking it. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? THAT WOULD BE MY MOTHER UM LEMME THINK NO. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? None. Nightmares ruined my dad to a degree I don't think I can completely recover from, even with how close we are. Out of absolutely nowhere, I had another one that resulted in me jerking awake and literally giving out a short scream. I feel in my heart I should fully trust my dad and that his image is wrongly affected by my own fears, but I'm not very sure how to change that. Ever used a bow and arrow? Not a real one. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Fuckin FIGHT me "Picture To Burn" SLAPS. Give me a song that is underestimated/not well known: "Possession" by Otep. Otep songs in general. Does everyone in your family have a job? I'm the only one who doesn't. Name a reason you would most likely go to jail for: Probably killing someone when defending a loved one from being physically attacked, and there won't be enough evidence to show that I did it as defense or that going that far was justifiable. I have actually worried about this lmao. What kind of car did your parents have while you were growing up? A blue and then tan van, and Dad had a series of old, tan cars named Frida the Cheetah I-III. :') Do you tie your socks together or roll them up? Roll them up. What was your last bad date? I don't think I've had a bad one... Do you ever wish your birthday was on a different day? Yup, 'cuz it's occasionally Superbowl Sunday. What holiday would you want to have your birthday on? BITCH HALLOWEEN. Have you ever gone snorkeling or scuba diving? No. If yes, what’s the coolest thing you’ve seen? N/A What’s your favorite filling in chocolates? Fudge. When’s the last time you had a s'more? Some time after Sara's visit in June when we had some stuff left over. Does your best friend have any phobias? ... How am I blanking. I know some of her fears, but they're rational. Do you prefer the taste of lemon or limes? Lemons. What would you name your firstborn son? Probably Damien, or Severin. Do you cook anything you don’t like eating? I don't cook. What’s the last picture you colored? One I drew. What is the cheesiest way a guy could propose marriage? M'kay, it's always a man who proposes, I'll take note. But regardless, idk. What’s the first instrument you ever played? A recorder. Do you have an attic? A small one. Have you ever lived in the country before? My whole life. Do you drink coffee every day? No, I hate coffee. Have you ever stayed in a suite? No. Do you take good pictures? Sometimes, though I suck at manual mode because it's hard for me to tell when things are *perfectly* in focus. Have you ever been in a tornado or hurricane? Hurricanes. Do you have any bookmarks in your internet browser? If so, how many? Four. Do you know anyone in the military right now? I believe so. What’s your favorite show on Comedy Central? Don't watch it. How old is the oldest person you know? Uhhhh... late 80s? Early 90s? Do you usually go to sleep before or after the people you’re living with? Varies. Which band has the best name, in your opinion? Cradle of Filth is badass. Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? Have, none, had, Jason. Do you like where your house is located? No. What’s the best hotel you’ve been to? One right by the beach. Are you into designer clothes? Nope, forget those prices. The only I plan on buying something from sometime is Cloak out of relentless support for The Man and The Apprentice. Have you ever done any internship? No. What’s your favorite store? (other than Hot Topic) Do not attack me like this. But anyway, Rebel's Market. What do you think about tattoos on women? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA fuck you. Have the cops ever gotten onto you for anything before? No. Do you have a Myspace? And if so what is your screen name? It probably still exists, and idk. Do you have a YouTube? Yeah. Facebook? Yeah. Gaia? Idk what that is. Bzoink? No. What email thingy do you use? (yahoo, gamil, rock) Hotmail and Gmail. Do you own a cellphone? If so what kind is it? A Shitty Samsung™ Do you have a digital camera? What kind is it? A Nikon D3200, but I'm hopefully getting a new Nikon or Canon soon. This camera's just about toast. What is your most common typo? Ummm. Idk. I don't make many now as I have to type slowly on this annihilated keyboard. What happens now is just not pushing down hard enough, so I wouldn't really call them "typos.' What kind of computer do you have? My actual one is a Sager, but the one I currently have to use is an Acer. Do you have an iPod/MP3 player? Yes. Literally had it since the beginning of middle school. What is your favorite video game of all time? Silent Hill 2 for story, Shadow of the Colossus for gameplay. For overall, they're pretty much tied. Have you ever played Call of Duty? No. Do you play games on the computer? When I get the Sager fixed... How many doors are in your house? Windows? Doors leading outside, I'm guessing? Two. Windows... at least eight. Nine? Most are small, though. Do you have any posters on your walls? Of what? Metallica, a unicorn at therapy being told "you need to believe in yourself," Homecoming-styled Pyramid Head, Marilyn Manson, Illidan from WoW, Silent Hill 3, Jack Skellington, a music one, and meerkats. What kind of bed do you have? (fouton, twin, bunk) Queen. Is your bed comfortable? Eh. Where is your computer located? I only have a laptop. Other than a closet, do you use a dresser/wardrobe to keep your clothes in? I have a dresser. How many mirrors do you have in your house? (other than hand-held) Uhhh two? Do you have a garage? No. Should you be doing anything right now? What? No. Do doctors or dentists make you more nervous? Doctors. Did you ever think you were about to die before? Ha, in the fourth grade when I was writing my DARE paper and I accidentally stabbed my freshly-sharpened pencil into my left palm... I thought it was lead so I ran SOBBING to my mom about how I was going to die lmao. Then after I ODed, I acknowledged there was a possibility, but I didn't care to think about whether I lived or died to like... think either one. Have you ever really had a near-death experience? Was it cool? "Was it cool." Fuck off. There's no such thing as a "cool" way of almost dying. Anyway, I got in a car accident when I was young, but Mom's driving saved our ass. I don't know if you'd classify the OD as near-death... I apparently didn't take enough to where a certain ingredient became heavily toxic or something, plus I was fucking drowned in fluids to counteract the amount I did have in super quickly (or something like that), so I didn't really experience an "I'm dying right now" fear like I did when I saw the wreck coming. How often do you brush your teeth? Once a day. How often do you shower? (Come on, tell the truth) Every other day, or if I'm being lazy, I go an extra day and regret my decision. What body type do you have? Um not skinny help. What kind of nose do you have? It's kinda little. Are your eyebrows thick? Normal. What color eyes do you wish you had? A more sapphire blue. Do you have fat lips? I'd say they're normal. Do you have a long neck? No. What are your views on abortion? Ultimately, when all things are considered, pro-choice, but I believe in avoiding abortion as well as you can. Like, just getting one solely because you were being sexually careless is a no from me, but like, if pregnancy and/or bearing a child would be an incredibly difficult feat for you emotionally and/or physically, you have the right to put yourself first. Gay marriage? All for it. What different types of churches have you visited? Catholic and Christian. Who would you want to be the flower girl at your wedding? Aubree, buuut I doubt her dad would allow it considering there's a high chance I'm marrying a woman, and he's homophobic as all hell. Do you want to be married within the next ten years? Ideally. What group are you most active in on Facebook? I'm only in one, a WoW group. I rarely comment on anything tho. Are you ashamed of anything? Yes. What were your favorite Disney rides as a kid? I don't really remember them. What were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? Never been. Have you ever owned a succulent? No. Favorite type of tea to drink in the fall? I hate tea. If a brand were to sponsor you, which brand(s) would you prefer? *shrugs* Have you read the entire Bible? No. Do you make bucket lists for each season? No. What is the next hobby you want to start? I'unno... I guess I'd like to get back to reading. Do you dye your hair regularly? No, it's not something I can afford, especially because I want complex color combos. What makes you depressed? Thinking too much about my current life issues, above anything else. My brain confuses depression and boredom a lot, and I'm bored plenty. Loved ones being hurt or upset, and sometimes thinking about the future. Do you think you could ever be famous? Nooooo, I absolutely do not want that. Do you think you have what it takes to make it big in the entertainment biz? Definitely not. What industry is it that you want to go into? Art. Do you have a job now? If so, what is it? No. What are some jobs you’ve had in the past? Sales clerk/associate. What are some jobs you want to or would like to have? List five. Photographer, zoologist, archaeologist, meerkat biologist, artist. What are some jobs you have considered? Archaeologist, vet, movie director, game designer, movie editor, and now zoologist and photography. What are some health problems you have had in the past? That I don't still have? Lots of ear infections, high cholesterol, insomnia, and talk about embarrassing, but last year I had this random span of premature nighttime incontinence... that fucking sucked. What are some of the best medications you’ve ever had? The Latuda + Lamictal combo is one of the biggest reasons I'm still alive. What is your favorite vitamin? I don't have one. Have you ever made money off of YouTube? No. What was a video you watched over and over as a kid? OH MY GOD so Nicole and I watched "Before He Cheats" covers (why idk????) and she found this one of a girl lip-syncing along to a super sped-up version and we found it stupid funny. Have you ever experienced depression as a side effect? Yes; I have both bipolarity and depression, but taking anti-depressants while also bipolar ramps your bipolar symptoms the fuck up, so of course my times of depression were soooo much worse than they were supposed to be. Have you ever been suicidal as a withdrawal symptom? No. How old were you when you started wearing glasses (if applicable)? Some time in middle school, I think? Have you ever been told you have an accent? As a kid I really did; when seeing my NY relatives, they would always point it out lmao. Now I think I only super faintly do and it's only slightly noticeable with some words. Actually at the reptile con in Illinois, after a bit of talking, a girl I met asked if I was from the U.K. because apparently she detected a faint trace of B r i t i s h? Describe the last situation in which you had to give up on an individual? I've gone back and forth with Colleen so many times that I feel anyone who reads these knows the story. What are some things that cause you to abandon association with someone? Shoving opinions in my face, arrogance, disinterest in our relationship, closed-minded, just to name a few. When was the last time you made a new friend? Ha. What is the most unusual thing within your general vicinity? Ummmm I'm not sure. Maybe my python, as she's a morph? What are some things you enjoy that not many others do? Writing, reptiles and amphibians, conspiracies, looots of snow, foreign music, watching others play games, uhhhh. Are you one who considers preserving your past important? In some ways, sure, but not a lot. Focus on the present and aim to create a future better than your past. When was the last time you had some sort of a meltdown? I'm not sure. Some time last month, I think. When was the last time you were super busy? Psh. I'm never busy. Not always a good thing. What is a quality someone might not assume you have? Serious impatience. I don't think I hint towards that weakness until like, you see me in a doctor's office. What was the last thing you did that was healthy? Got a good night's sleep. What was the last thing you did that could harm your health? Drank soda oops. Do you know anyone who self-injures? Not in the present, I believe. Have you ever had to reside with an individual who had a mental disorder? Mom has depression.

[damienthepious]

aaaaaaasoft. okay.

Undertones

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla, Lord Arum/Sir Damien

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Established Relationship, Gentleness, Communication, Declarations Of Love, (sortaaa), Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff

Summary:  Damien speaks his heart, but not always in the ways that Arum expects.

Notes: Im big soft. happy LKT!

~

It takes Arum a while to understand exactly what Damien is doing.

He speaks his heart frequently, of course, and at length, and Arum is always privately a little impressed by how delicate and careful the poet is when he chooses his words for his unplanned monologues. The first time Damien turns that skill upon him with the full force of his romantic feelings unabashedly on display, Arum is genuinely overwhelmed. Overwhelmed enough that he sneers and flares his frill and flees from the room, though he creeps back to the knight with Amaryllis later in the evening and gathers the both of them into his arms, pulls them close enough that when he shares his own affectionate words he can do so in a whisper.

Damien is somewhat less effusive after that, at least when he is speaking directly to Arum, and Arum feels both guilty and grateful for the adjustment.

Damien still has plenty to say, of course, and Arum adores his voice, adores always his words.

Do not do anything reckless in my absence, my lily, and then a peck on the cheek before the knight returns to his Citadel.

Come to bed. The hour is late, and the work will keep until the dawn, and gentle hands just as stubborn as his own to pull him to the bedroom.

I did not realize how I would miss the song of this place, in a murmur, meeting Arum's eyes after a particularly lengthy quest.

Have either of you actually eaten today? accompanied by a gentle frown and a pointed raise of the eyebrow.

Arum listens, when Damien speaks. He does not know how anyone could do otherwise, does not know if it is possible for such a musical tongue to be ignored. In ordinary speech, in song beside Amaryllis, beside himself, in ancient stories into which he breathes new life, in his own new verse- Damien's voice is always dense with deft, layered beauty. Arum listens because it is unthinkable for him not to, and he listens because he loves that voice nearly as much as he loves the one who wields it.

Layered beauty. Sir Damien means the words he says, of course (the poet is an abysmal liar, charmingly and shockingly transparent whenever he attempts the act), but at first Arum only hears the topmost layer.

“Be safe, Lord Arum,” Damien says, his eyes earnest and his tone warm, his hand on the vines of the doorway back to the jungle outside of his Citadel, and Arum-

This time, at last, Arum blinks and the realization dawns.

The knight stares at him, bemused, as Arum's hands flex, as he rattles lightly before he stammers through saying you had better do the same, and then Damien smiles and nods lightly before he slips through and the doorway closes behind him.

Of course, Arum thinks, when his frill has settled and he has gotten his growling back under control, some minutes later. Of course the poet would find another way to speak his heart.

He listens even more closely, after that. He listens with more purpose.

Every small gesture, every murmur with a morning kiss, every greeting and parting, every compliment and line of verse-

Damien is speaking his heart with each word, subtle but certain, and Arum feels them at his center, feels them so deeply and vividly that it nearly hurts.

"How lucky I am, to wake in such embrace," Damien murmurs against Arum's collarbone, his voice nearly slurred with sleep, and Arum can hear everything beneath the words with such ease that he doesn't think. He doesn't think, he just opens his mouth, purring through his own muddled half-awareness.

"Love you too, honeysuckle."

A pause, during which Damien's breath catches, his heart speeding, and Arum sheds his drowsiness like an old skin, fully awake in the time it takes to blink.

"I- that is-"

Damien shifts in his arms, lifting himself so he can look down at Arum with wide eyes, and then just before Arum can panic properly about spoiling their morning, Damien leans down. His lips are always so warm against Arum's scales, the press of his mouth fervent and fierce, and the whirring worry in Arum's throat dissolves into a purr before it can truly begin.

When Damien pulls back he breathes a laugh, and Arum can feel his smile. "Was I truly so transparent as that, my lily?" he says in a wry murmur, and then he presses his forehead against Arum's. "If I had known I was making you uncomfortable in this way as well-"

"You were doing no such thing," Arum growls, lifting two hands to grip Damien's nightshirt insistently. "You- you were not transparent, it is only that I … I learned, eventually, how to hear what you were truly saying."

Damien's cheeks go hot, flushing darker, and Arum compulsively flicks his tongue out to tickle just beneath his ear.

"Arum-"

"I listen, honeysuckle, when you speak. Perhaps I should have reciprocated sooner, but- but I did not wish to break the spell. You speak so beautifully, even in subtlety, and I did not wish for you to stop."

Damien laughs, both pleased and shy, and then he kisses Arum again. "Perhaps you have not been listening all that well, if you were under the impression that you or anyone else could cause me to hold my tongue."

Arum barks a laugh of his own, then. "I suppose that is fair," he rumbles. "I am glad to hear it as well. I- I have been- I have enjoyed- I adore your every word, honeysuckle. And- and I have been warmed by the words beneath them, as well."

"Ah-" Damien blinks quickly, his eyes gone momentarily bright. "You… oh lily, I only thought- perhaps, if I spoke my heart without… without speaking quite so boldly, quite so directly- perhaps I would avoid spurring your discomfort."

Arum's heart clenches, and he stuffs down his own embarrassment and instead he slips his arms around Damien, pulling him closer. "You are… far sweeter to me than I deserve, honeysuckle," he murmurs, and Damien makes a small noise of protest. "I did not mean to make you think you needed to stifle yourself for my sake. I did, perhaps, require some time to learn to be comfortable with the openness that comes so naturally to you, but… I am sorry that I caused you to… to bury your affection, to obscure it."

"I only wish to- to tell you how loved you are," Damien breathes. "In every possible way, in every phrasing and form, in poems and prose and whisper and shout, in touch, in look, in any way that will reach and comfort you-"

Arum holds him tighter, burying his face in Damien's neck and whirring sharply at the back of his throat. "Far, far sweeter than anyone could deserve," he hisses. "I hear them, honeysuckle. I hear each and every time you speak your heart to me. I hear you." He pulls back, just enough to press their foreheads together again. "I hear you, Damien, and I love you too."

[candy-corps]

Let’s Talk.

Jaal belongs to @mygardenofmuses

It was colder outside than expected, but Damien really did need some air after running into his dad's new boyfriend. One of many, by the sound. It was something hard to swallow, but he loved his dad, and his normal was crazy but it was normal. The boy shut the door behind him; snowflakes still melting on his jacket and scarf; some on his hair. He kicked his boots off as he heard someone approaching. After that conversation with Bruce, Jaal felt he had work harder to fit in, or he never would have a place in Bruce's heart like Zagam still did. He was a little more aware now that his honesty (even when he believed it was necessary) wasn't going to be the best way to help them out. But he still could talk and apologize, right? "Damien? Is that you?" He asked, walking to the hall. Oh, could he have five minutes before that guy came up and continued to discredit his family members? Damien didn't reply; just un-did his scarf. Great. More of the same. Jaal sighed and bit his bottom lip. It was already tough with Bruce, but it seemed he'd have to have this conversation twice. What a pain in the holes. Better to get it done already. "Hey, Damien... Talked to your father. He made me understand... that Zagam guy is pretty important to both of you." Present, not past tense. Something, Damien noted. He got rid of his jacket, too, hung it up and turned to Jaal. They've been here, earlier. He at least looked at Jaal now; praying he won't fuck this up again. "Look... I was... perhaps insensitive when I said he's not here. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings when I said that. He's still here, in your heart... and Bruce's..." Jaal rubbed his hands, nervous. Was he apologizing correctly? He'd have to watch over his words from now on, and that made him anxious. Baegels - letzten Sonntag um 18:06 Uhr Damien exhaled. "Thanks." He accepted the apology. "He's the reason why I stay with dad, really. He invited me, back in the days" he had Jaal know. "Gave me my room. I've never had my own room." Damien stepped up, trying to get Jaal to follow him to the living room. He'd try to get along with him. "What?" Jaal blinked in shock and worry. Damien seemed so young. A child shouldn't be alone, ever. "How is that possible? Were you alone before???" "Grew up with my mom. She let me figure out by myself where to sleep. Thought it would strengthen my character, dunno" Damien huffed. " - And he gave me love advice. Which is how I have a girlfriend now." Damien sat on the armchair and turned the tv on, just to have some background noise. Jaal let out a sigh of relief. That was good. Every kid should have at least one father and one mother. Though it was pretty strange they lived separately. Maybe he should ask Bruce later about it. His eyes widened a bit with the last revelation. Apparently Zagam didn't only do bad things. He did at least two good things. Mainly for Damien. He nodded quietly. "Looks like he does some good things." he mumbled, unsure if he should ask more about the topic. Better to check. "Can I ask you more?" Present tense, again. "He does some good things" Damien agreed. "What do you wanna ask?" He rested his head on his palm, but didn't look bored. Jaal had his full attention. " I have questions about Zagam. And I'm a little curious about that girlfriend of yours. What would you like to talk about first?" Jaal decided to give him the choice to pick the subject he'd rather talk about first. At least It seemed Damien wasn't upset anymore. That was good. "Ask about Zagam" Damien said. He'd like to know they were good on that topic. Jaal rubbed his hands. He had already several questions in mind. Better to learn as much as possible!! "OK, first question: what was the best thing Zagam ever has done for your father?" "Uhhh ... I dunno. But he looked ... peaceful when he was around" Damien remembered. Well, that didn't answer all that much. "What activities do they do when they're together? As in, hobbies. I think that's the word..." "Hobbies, yeah. They were ... eating with others. Watched tv, visited friends." He wondered why Jaal was asking that. Good. These things were stuff he could do with Bruce. Maybe he'd like doing those things again. "OK, so... did you all have any family traditions?" Family traditions, family traditions ... Damien smiled as he thought of one. "When we didn't have to leave the house a day, we'd just stay in our payamas. And ... it was my part to get dad to eat when Zagam wasn't around. You gotta give him food or he's just not gonna eat" Damien let Jaal know, serious now. "That is good to know. I'm always encouraging him to eat. Thanks for telling me." Jaal joined his hands over his lap, as he sat on the couch. "Is Zagam the kind of person who gives expensive gifts, or small ones?" "Expensive gifts" Damien answered, straight away. "Like ... his flat? Everything was ... designer stuff. Clothes, too. Dad would wear that. His stuff. It looked all off" he found, amused. "He was ... rich or something. Because he was so old, I don't know." Well, that put him in a compromise. He was technically a refugee in this planet, a man without papers, no job, and of course no money, at all. How could he ever become a match to Zagam? Jaal let out a worried noise through his holes. Maybe... maybe he'd have to steal. Not that he hadn't done it before, but he felt pretty bad about it. Still - if he ever wished to become someone worthy of Bruce's affections, this would have to be the plan... for as long as he stayed here. Which meant... He needed to find a job. As soon as possible. He wouldn't be able to live as a criminal for long. Not to mention, what would his mom say? And the Moshae?? Realizing he had been quiet for a while, Jaal shook his head. "What is Zagam's best quality, in your opinion?" Oh, he was just about to ask if all was cool. So. Zagam's best best quality. "I guess he ... stays calm, really easily? Dad is more the hectic type, but Zagam, he's just ... super controlled, somehow." "I used to be like that... until my wife shook up my world. Sometimes I wish she hadn't. I was more able to control the things I said and did back then." Jaal sighed and rubbed his arm. Being calm. Collected. It wasn't that hard, really. He only had to do a little effort... Though back then he didn't care about most people either. He could shoot a Kett soldier straight on the face and don't feel a thing. Now... he'd probably feel bad about it. "What is the thing you like the most about him?" he inquired shortly after. "He gave us a home" Damien answered, straight and simple. Hard to argue with that. Again, he didn't have money enough. Not in this world at least - in his planet he was one of the richest men alive, serving directly under the Moshae. That gave him an idea. He didn't have money now, but... "Have Zagam and your father ever gone on trips together? As in... taking your loved one to visit a place he'd like to go?" Damien shifted in his seat. "They were in a cottage, once. Oh and he took him to Hell. Like. Literally. He liked it" Damien assured right away. "Zagam worked there and there was an opportunity. So he showed dad around." "What is Hell?" Jaal never had heard of such a thing. "Is it another planet?" Damien wiggled his hand. Close enough. "Dimension ... Realm ... " Yeah, something like that. "It's where bad people go, after they die, to get punished. Dad thinks Zagam is stuck in there, fighting. And because his brother is nowhere to be found either, we have no way to access it. Except through, well, doing something bad and dying, but there's no guarantee it works." Jaal gasped in worry. "I don't want you two to die...!" Whoa, that was some raw concern slipping through, right there. He looked away, a little flustered. "It sounds dangerous... and stuff..." He shook his head, sighing. "It's no wonder Bruce thinks of him all the time. I am nothing in comparison to him. He's got everything and I'm... nothing at all." He looked down, feeling a little sad. "You're around" Damien said, disagreeing with Jaal on that matter. "Best partner doesn't help when he's not around. Just ... Just be around" Damien advised. It was enough. More than, even. Jaal blinked in surprise and gazed at Damien with such intensity that it seemed he was looking into his soul. So Damien actually could acknowledge that Zagam was not physically present. That was some excellent progress toward moving on. Sure, he would still live in their minds, but... this was some progress, definitely. And then, that piece of advice. Being around. Sounded easy enough, he had nowhere else to go except his homeworld. But there was no rush. Still... "Being around... Will that be enough for him? I mean... I don't have money, or riches, or even a house of my own. Not in this planet. Just my spaceship and my belongings. In my planet, however, I could give you anything, whatever your hearts desired for. But I'm not sure how willing you guys would be to travel to another galaxy..." "Got a girlfriend here, sorry" Damien laughed and leaned back in his seat. "And we're not that spoiled, man. Be around for more than a few days at a time. Don't leave him waiting, and you're good. We're good." Really. "Right, I was forgetting about her. And I'm not planning to go anywhere, so... you'll have to get used to see my purpleness over here quite often." Jaal chuckled a bit, hopeful. He had got Damien to laugh. This was good, so very good. "Not planning to keep him waiting, either. I'd feel weird leaving the place without him to begin with. Everything is new for me in this planet." He rubbed his chin in thought. "Mind if I ask a bit about your lady companion?" "Girlfriend"Damien corrected. "Jess. What about her?" So they reached part two of the questioning. "You look so very young. How early do courtship rituals begin in this planet?" Maybe Damien could provide him with some information about how dating worked in this planet. He wanted to contrast this story with everything he knew about Bruce and Zagam, and his very own story with Ryder. Court-what? "I'm no kid. I can have a girlfriend" Damien found. Getting tired, he rubbed his eye with the back of his hand. "Had since I was twelve." "That's pretty impressive." Jaal nodded. It was indeed amazing. "Then you are older than you look. How old are you, again?" " ... Thirteen." He knew it sounded less impressive now. "I honestly believed you were 15 at least. You are very mature for your age." It was a compliment, and Jaal hoped he took it as such. "So, what things do you like to do together?" "Talk, do homework ... explore places" he answered. "What is homework?" Jaal cocked his head in confusion. He didn't know what homework was? "Assignments that you get from school. Exercises for math, or reading or whatever." When Jaal didn't know what homework was, he gotta be the luckiest person in the whole universe. "Ahhh. School must be a learning nest, then. Did you two meet in it?" Jaal asked, leaning back on his seat, getting comfortable. Nest? Damien had to laugh at the mental image. "Yeah. Yeah, we did." "Were there many young ones? How many children fit in every nest, more or less?" This was branching into a new topic, but Jaal wasn't exactly against it. He adjusted his visor. Good thing it was working and keeping track of everything. He was killing him! Damien burst out laughing. He found it just fair to keep Jaal thinking that school was just one giant nest, but he wasn't sure how long he could keep the lie up. "What's so funny?" Jaal was confused. Was he missing out something...? Or did he say something funny and he wasn't aware of it? Classes. Classes. "Um, roughly ... 30, 35 ... " Damien answered, still shaking with laughter. Damn, he used to be way better at lying. "They teach your children ... in nests?" He knew he was the one being questioned right now, but he ... just had to. "That is one really big nest." Jaal's eyes went wide as he tried to imagine the size. A nest that big probably would have to be cared for many adults. He smiled at his inquiry, glad to share bits of his past. "Yes. Our nests aren't that big though, usually five children per nest. Feel free to ask more, if you want." There was one question. "Do you want to see a school?" It was dark outside. Unlikely they'd get caught when they'd sneak in. "Sure. Can we take Bruce with us? I'd love to share that experience with him." Jaal was hopeful. A investigation trip sounded like fun, and more if he got to do ot with his dearest bats. "How long've you been on Earth?" Damien asked instead. Now that he found out Jaal thought schools were nests ... it got him thinking. "I'd say, less than an Earth week." Jaal rubbed his chin in thought. "Probably four days, or five. Why do you ask?" "How often have you been out?" Damien asked instead to answer Jaal's question. He could figure what was going on. "Not much just yet. I'm still getting used to the gravity of this planet." Jaal answered with ease, wondering if Damien wanted to study him, too. "You can stand alright" he found. Now this was getting interesting. "He doesn't want you to go" Damien figured. That's why Jaal wasn't outside just yet. "Yeah, I've been practicing and walking and..." Jaal fell silent in surprise. "Bruce... Doesn't want me to go outside?" He asked, cocking his head. Given Jaal didn't know another "he", it was Bruce, right? "Cut him some slack" Damien requested. "He doesn't like to be alone. And he ... might not trust you to make it back. But ... we can sneak out, leave him a note, make it home before dinner ... " They could! "I don't like being alone for long too, to be honest. And why sneak out? We don't need to hide, do we? Or is it forbidden to visit a school?" Jaal couldn't understand why it would be, unless it was a way to ensure the safety of the small humans. "I gave you a chance ... " Damien shrugged, more talking to himself. It was one of many of his dads quirks. Over-protectiveness. "I'm not sure I am understanding everything you say. Sorry about that. Can we bring Bruce with us?" Jaal decided to check one second time. He hadn't answered the first time he asked, so perhaps he had missed it? "He's not gonna let you go out" Damien assured. "And he'll feel bad when I bring you there. Don't worry about it." He waved it off. "Why not?" His expression shifted, becoming worried. "If he's going to feel bad about it, I can't go. We've just overcome our first issues together... Leaving him alone would be bad. Especially now." "Okay." They didn't have to go. They could stay here, play Monopoly all night. "Did you at least get to see the rest of the tower? There's a room with a pool in it." "No, I haven't. I've spent most of my time in Bruce's bed..." fucking him senseless and getting fucked. Okay that was a bit of too much information. Damien probably could imagine it anyway. His face gave enough clues. Did he build a fucking wall? Damien looked at Jaal, but he didn't exactly seem unhappy, looking back. Huh. He decided not to ask. "I can show you around, when you want to" the boy offered. "That would be great for my investigation, thank you." Jaal smiled. "As soon as I get Bruce to join us, I want to see everything. Especially that pool. It's been a while since I could go for a swim." Why couldn't he get a wiiink. "He doesn't like pools all that much. Oh well" Damien yawned. "You done?" "He doesn't? Why is that? That shall be my last question for today." Jaal chuckled lightly. Of course not. Damien finished the yawn. "Can't swim. Can't see when his ears and wings get wet. The ... " He made a circling motion with his finger, " - echolocation." "Echocolocation..." Jaal saved that word in his mind. He'd have to ask Bruce later about it. Giving him a nod, Jaal offered him a hand. "I've been told this is way humans express gratitude. Thank you so much, Damien. I learned a lot with you." "Don't sweat it. Ball your fist like that, though" he instructed, and held out his own to show Jaal how it's done. "Like this?" Jaal imitated Damien's movement. Was this another human greeting? This was something unexpected, but... Real fun! "Good." He bumped his fist against Jaal's. "That's how you show grattitude. The cool way" he explained. "Cool... Now both of us are cool, then." Jaal's smile grew wider. Somehow, he had a feeling that they had grown a little closer.

[spiralatlas]

Pax 2017 Panels day 1

Today was an unrivaled success. I didn’t break anything.

Western Dating Sims: Beyond Tsunderdome

Are we having fun: Playing games critically

The State of Queer in games

Western Dating Sims: Beyond Tsunderdome

Barbara Kerr https://ms45.itch.io/ Jack Crnjanin Pritika Sachdev Cassiel Kelner localiser, translates from Japanese to English Shakari former insomniac now indie Jess Zammit games critic Queerly represent me

Not a competition between Western and Japanese dating sims, both are good. But there are trends.(The panel talked a bit about Japanese games too anyway)

Main difference: more established genre in Japan, less accepted in the West.

Basic framework: generic main character. Selection of different kinds of love interests, often very tropey. Situations range from mundane to fantastical.

Kenka Bancho Otome  Dating sim where you are crossdressing as your brother at a fighting school and have to beat the boys to get them to respect. (Not available in English but checking the spelling lead me to an anime adaptation on Crunchyroll, no idea if it’s any good)

Often don't have much family, no mention of that background.

Freshman and Sophomore cute have f/f. (Couldn’t find links for these, sadly)

Saying exactly what somebody wants to hear until they kiss you- is that bad?

Everyone showered DAO characters with gifts.

Desire in the west to mirror the complexity of real relationships.

Examples mentioned: Cute Demon Crashers, Lady Killer In A Bind.

Strategic dating is good:

predictable

choose a character you will definitely like

"Game-Like"

clear differentiation between characters

 learn how to interact with people

Kindness Coins: dating sims are safe. I can't be hurt, if I get scared I can shut it down. Safe space. Explore sex, relationships, communication.

Counterpoint: Strategic dating is bad:

predictable

replicates shitty real life behaviour "I was nice to you, you should date me", like blaming FPS for violence

Not much fun for the developer

Complex games justify complex mechanics

Tusks: gay orc dating sim. Can enable NPC autonomy. harder than he expected.

Queer relationships (Queer and gay used as synonyms a lot this panel :/) Producing your own games allows you to reflect yourself Coming Out On Top: straight dev, lots of consultation. A bit tropey in parts but not too bad. Tusks: complex variables & approval w queer orcs Lady Killer In A Bind BDSM safety warnings in loading screens The Crown and The Flame it's good to be the queen. Pixelberry just lets you bang anybody. Kind of have to pay to follow the f/f path fully in some games.

Further recs:

Astoria Fate's Kiss: greek gods and mythological figures. Equal partnership with Hades. Medusa's story is full of queer characters, often you feel like the only queer character in a game, normalises it. Alex is non binary.

Brooktown High cheesy typical highschool game. Can be a boy or girl but have to be m/f. A bit dated, so bad that it's good. PSP game.

Pixelberry Choices: can date m or f, choose stuff about PC.

Dream Daddy is a very straight gay game but fun.

Date or Die.  

A game about dating Japanese warlords that may or may not be Destiny’s Princess

The Arcana

Paris the City of Love

Fire Emblem: Fates

Great Personality

There was a liveplay of part of Dream Daddy. The audience voted overhwhelmingly to talk to Damien first.

Are we having fun: Playing games critically

Rami Ismail: @tha_rami Alayna Cole: @AlynaMCole Dakoda Barker: @JiroJames David Hollingworth: @CPTHollingworth Jess Zammit: zammitjess

Distinction between playing for work and fun?

We do this because we like games, except for the games we do in fact hate.

Rami: Started making games before he started playing, modding code in simple ways in QBASIC (this is also how I got started).

Alayna: Being paid in neocoins to make people's profiles. Didn't realise until after highschool that coding skills could be used to make games.

(And then I stopped keeping track of who said what)

Took a while to realise it could actually be a job.

Having been a critic changes the experience, doesn't make it less fun just different. Same with reading or watching tv when you're a writer.

Yonder the cloud catcher chronicles: playing to review took away from her enjoyment because she had to get a review done quickly when it's supposed to be played in a slow, relaxing way.

As a creator he’s looking for shortcuts and tricks. Walks back and forth to test out where he thinks a loading point is. "Did you see that cool action scene?" vs "Did you see that cool slow zoom??"

Played intro area of Mario Odyssey. This is so good I’m angry, time to pack up the games industry.

"I wish I could do that"

Used to be a rule never to give 10/10. Now they do it if they just really love a game.

Have to put a game down to play the next one, it’s frustrating.

Criticism doesn't have to be finding flaws but can be figuring out how it works. Creator’s job is to trick the player into believing that the world of the game is real and the plot is important.

What does it mean to you to play games critically?

Looking at the game means looking at the creator. What are they trying to do or say? How do they execute it? Even AAA games have a group of humans behind them.

Rami cheerfully ruined games for everyone eg FIFA goalies perform worst at the end to give more last minute wins. Every game with percentages is lying. If you are told it's 50% accuracy people expect not to lose more than one time in a row. Humans think stuff is "fair" when it's in their favour.

"It's a platformer where you shoot things...about love." How is that mechanic making you feel love?

Bad games can be informative. Earth Defense Force. Defending cities from giant ants. "I want ants. 1000!" "That can't work with the frame rate" "AND LASERS."

Every bit of a game is controlled. Someone chose every detail to be the way it is. Ask why it is the way it is.

Good to question the choices people see as default. "Did you notice every character is a white dude?" Things that are considered important vs things that are just made "the default"

Is there a conflict as both critic and developer? Even the positive feedback made him feel bad, he just focused on any negative aspect. Conscious as a reviewer of not attacking the developer themselves. Still write spiteful humourous reviews, but avoid attacking developer, know there are things they can do better.

Giving feedback is hard. Rather than questioning intent, help them achieve their intent better.

By the time you get most negative feedback, you know about the flaws, have heard about it all before. Let people be angry for three weeks, then fix. Half the time they end up fine with it.

People who play a game a lot will say it's too easy, if you listen to them you’ll make a game that puts off new players.

A player might say "this weapon is too strong" but they mean "the boss is too easy" or "you get the weapon too early". Listen, but not too hard.

Multiplayer game, teams supposed to be balanced, but one team kept winning. Turned out one had louder guns, made them more aggressive so they won.  FEEDBACK IS HARD.

Who you are giving the feedback to makes a big difference. A student, a friend, a developer you want to help, asked to write a snarky review.

Games CAN be fun, but expecting them to be JUST that is reductive. Games can let you feel something, find catharsis.

We are affected by everything we engage with.

Games are part of a wider industry. Pays peoples wages, needs to be looked at critically.

Even if it's just fun for you, someone else might have a different experience from the same game. I won't tell you what games are for you and you don’t tell me what games are for me.

If you're at PAX you spent money to be here, you care.

"just" for fun implies “fun” is not a great value.

Knowing his game helped someone in hospital deal with pain.

If you want to be a good game maker, play lots of games and see how they're made. Keeping a journal of every game he plays.

If you are playing a game and feel something, figure out why.

When giving a student a game, give them a challenge like "explain X to me", so they have guidance, a direction to go in.

Thinking critically in a fun way: fun to write reviews when you're angry. Critical isn't negative, just more active.

You can't force players to engage in any specific way, just make the game and let them do their thing.

Some players will get really angry anyway so just make your game.

Hype can work against you as a reviewer, makes it hard to be objective if the game disappointed you. Can also be hard to say you loved a game if everyone else hated it.

Balance frustration with a sense of achievement. Frustration is a tool, as is a grind. The “random” drops aren’t entirely random: if you haven't gotten anything good in a while it'll give you something nice, and if you get a good drop too early it gets held back. Testing, see how people feel. If people aren't complaining you're doing something wrong. If everyone complains about all classes it's balanced.

Nanojam 3.0: Wacky Live Game Design

Jason Imms, Rami Ismail, Paul Verhoeven, Leonie Yue, Maize Wallin, Lucy Morris

So a little before this started my body went NOPE NOPE NAP TIME, and while I did manage to drag myself in near the end I wasn’t up to taking notes. I had a great time though, it was hilarious. The panel got given silly ideas for games and brainstormed them together, while an artist drew illustrations.

The State of Queer in games

Ashton McAllen @acegiak Saf Davidson @wanderlustin Charlie Francis kennedy @CharliethGfish Alayna Cole @alynamcole queerly represent me Jess Zammit @zammitjess David Hollingworth @cpthollingworth

What have the panelists played in 2017 that was really good queer rep:

Horizon Zero Dawn subtle, sidequests, feels very natural

Tacoma lesbian couple part of the main cast. Very cute, positive and real.

Miss Fisher's Murder Mystery has cute background f/f couple.

Life is Strange Before the Storm isn't very gay yet but is going to be.

Mighty Games added queer couple to the background of Charming Rooms, support for marriage equality in update in Shooty Skies. Good place to work, big "Vote Yes" sign on the window.

Dream Daddy: lets you choose your previous partner and how child was born, cool as an adopted person. (Also makes it easier to play trans character)

Pyre: choose pronouns

Lady Killer In A Bind lets you skip sex scenes, has an option in the menu you can change at any time. 

Night in the Woods. Background m/m couple.

Little moments that people enjoyed:

Heartstruck app dating sim (you ate the daughter of a president) LI actually SAYS she is bi. (not sure if the same as Lovestruck?)

Hacknet Labyrinths: Incidental queer content is good, rather than PLOT TWIST THEY'RE TRANS.

Criminal Case Pacific Bay: Background f/f in a hidden object game.

Recs from audience:

Overwatch made Tracer a lesbian, but only in extended content. In that case not so bad because of the nature of the game. All back stories are extended content (compare to harry Potter). She has a line in the game where she mentions her girlfriend.

Tides of Torment Numenara: 2 body types and 3 pronouns.

Stumbling blocks and salt:

Mass Effect Andromeda: had trans character tell you her deadname. At least they fixed it.

Where are the explicitly ace and bi characters??

Lost phone turns out to be owned by trans woman, feels really vouyeuristic, inspiration porn. No agency or voice.

Why isn't there more incidental queerness??? So easy!!

Don't rec stuff to us JUST because it's queer if it's not something we'd enjoy. 

Only representation is aliens and robots.

Even in most games with incidental queerness it's a tiny drop in a sea of heteronormativity.

South Park lets you pick your gender etc and you get attacked for whatever it is. The fact it happens to cis people won't make it less awful for trans characters. Game designers need to talk to people with diverse POVs and have diverse teams.

Why not 3 body types, or sliders? Saints Row is the bar.

Encountered none as a reviewer of AAA games over 2017 (was playing as a dude in Mass Effect Andromeda and got bored before encountering any queer content)

Can make Shelob a sexy woman but not add queerness to Tolkein??

Annoyed that it's SO notable that a character has a gender neutral pronoun option.

As a trans person I am escaping my shitty life as a trans person, I don't need that in a game.

List of demands:

Gender neutral pronoun options if there’s a gender/pronoun choice. Charlie will help you.

Bisexual anything.

Asexual humans.

Robots having sex.

Incidental queers.

Explicitly non binary characters, not necessarily androgynous.

[damienthepious]

oh boy. oh boy. oh fuck. oh boy. SCATTERED RETURNS????? y’know that reckoning chapter that tried to kill me? it happened again. also we ain’t done quite yet, darlins

Scattered On My Shore (Chapter 16)

[Ch 1] [Ch 2] [Ch 3] [Ch 4] [Ch 5] [Ch 6] [Ch 7] [Ch 8] [Ch 9] [Ch 10] [Ch 11] [Ch 12] [Ch 13] [Ch 14] [Ch 15] [ao3] [Ch 17] [Ch 18] [Ch 19]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla, Sir Damien/Rilla, Lord Arum & The Keep

Characters: Rilla, Lord Arum, Sir Damien, The Keep

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Pre-Relationship, (for the three of them. it’s established r/d), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Injury, Injury Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, (this will also be), Enemies to Lovers, (for damien and arum eventually lol), Mutual Pining, canon typical Arum ignoring feelings

Fic Summary: Strange things wash up out of the lake near Rilla’s hut, on occasion. But this monster… this monster is certainly the strangest.

Chapter Summary: A confrontation, of sorts.

Chapter Notes: This chapter took a long time, huh? I'd say I'm sorry but I don't want to make my friends sad by being overly critical of myself. It's rough right now, not gonna lie. We're all doing our best. I hope this chapter will do at least a little bit to make up a little bit of softness. Be safe. I love you.

~

On the balcony outside his workshop, Arum draws his claws through the air, plucking invisible threads, his intent aligning with that of his Keep to play the swamp beneath them like a harp.

Unweaving the new border surrounding his home is not a difficult task. In fact, it is of an appropriate delicacy that Arum can utilize it as a sort of test, as a way to measure how much he has fallen out of practice.

The boundary softens slowly beneath them, each branch and vine relaxing, relenting, returning to its former growth, and Arum can feel the Keep relaxing as well, as the reality of Arum's homecoming settles within them both.

When they have managed perhaps a third of the border, the Keep tugs at the edges of his mind, and Arum could argue, perhaps, could try to push the Keep to continue the work for a little while longer-

But he is tired, in truth. The journey, the quickened healing, the- the depth of emotion he felt to be reunited with his Keep, all have left him feeling shaky and faded. The borders have been like this for some time now, he reasons. He need not rush.

Besides, he thinks, his lip curling wryly, Amaryllis would surely give him that narrowed-eye look if she knew he tried to push himself so soon after coming home. He cannot risk the force of her stubbornness combining with that of the Keep. Arum buries a laugh at the thought, sighs instead, and steps back in from the balcony to his workshop.

The Keep sings softly as he reaches to pull down a familiar set of knives, as he straps the hilts on again, feeling them more as a talisman than a defense.

"I know," he murmurs, drawing his palms over the hilts by turns, sighing. "I would apologize, but-"

The Keep sings less softly, then. Arum laughs.

"Precisely. I did not think you would." He pauses, feeling the safety and familiarity surrounding him. "Keep," he says, very softly, and then he closes his eyes and tries to pour out the affection that is coiling within him, how deeply he missed his Keep, how warm and relieved his love. It is easier, this way, to let the Keep know how he feels. Words- between the two of them words do not always feel right. He is the Keep's Lord, its Creation, and he may brush their minds together as easily as reaching out to take a hand. He knows his Keep can feel it, his pulse of love, and he feels it brighten before he is twined again in vines, before the rush of love and contentment the Keep sends him in return nearly folds his legs with its fierceness.

It sings, closer to a lullaby than a message, cradling him close, and Arum pretends not to rub his eyes again, allowing himself to be held for a minute or so more before he squeezes one of the vines around him, silently signaling to be let back down.

"Yes, well," he mutters, tail flicking as the Keep gives a vague hum. "There is still much to be done, I imagine. Bring me down to the kitchens; I expect they will be hungry soon."

The Keep pauses, then, and lilts an alternative.

He chokes a laugh. "Oh, fine. Do as you will, then. I expect they will be grateful, anyway." He tilts his head, worrying the edge of his mended cape in one hand as the Keep hums an affirmative, slowly coiling a different doorway out of the floor. "I- yes. If they are waiting, then. Go ahead."

The Keep lets him out into the greenhouse, drifting its attention away to prepare a proper meal for its Lord and his guests, and Arum-

Arum sees them, Amaryllis and Damien seated close together on the mossy bark of a fallen tree, their hands clasped together in their laps, their heads ducked close together as they murmur something unknowable to each other, and when Amaryllis' jaw clenches, Damien lifts a hand, cups her cheek, and then gently brushes an errant curl back behind her ear as her expression softens again.

Arum's own hands tremble, but he shakes his head hard, ensuring that his footsteps are too loud to miss, even for their limited human hearing as he forces himself to approach.

The both of them startle as they hear him, leaning back to watch him, though they do not untangle their hands.

"I hope you have been amusing yourselves well enough in my absence," he says, feigning mildness, but his attempt at levity does not seem to work. Amaryllis glances to Damien, something silent passing between them before she stands, Damien standing a moment later.

"Arum," Amaryllis begins, gently, and Arum's scales shiver with nerves automatically. Her tone is… serious, which is both unusual and concerning.

He forces himself not to flinch in a visible way as he meets her eyes, noting the gentle curve of her frown, the tension in the way she is still holding one of Sir Damien's hands, and he narrows his eyes in concern, ducking his head slightly. "What… what is it, Amaryllis?"

He can feel it already. They've decided to leave tonight. Decided that staying in a monster's den is too much. He should have expected-

"I have a- a question, actually," she says, and then she bites her lip. "And I need to know- I wanna know that you're gonna be- that you'll answer honestly."

"What call would I have to lie to you?" Arum says, more surprised than insulted. "You have already seen me at my lowest, Amaryllis." He pauses, then snorts. "And Sir Damien has rather helpfully pointed out that he is perfectly able to discern when I attempt deception."

Damien's lip turns into a wry sort of frown, but he does not interrupt. Clearly, it is Amaryllis leading this charge. She worries her lip between her blunt white teeth for a moment, her frame radiating strange tension. More concerning still. He is unsure if he has ever seen Amaryllis display this sort of- nervousness, before.

"Well?" Arum says when the pause draws long. "Ask, doctor. You won't get your answer in silence, I can assure you of that. I have many talents, but reading human minds is not among them."

"How do you- feel about me," she blurts, her tone going breathless and weak on the latter half, and Arum chokes on his own breath in surprise.

"Wh-what?"

"I know we said- we talked about what happens after. And about trust and about- about we and- and how we're going to miss each other, but- but I still don't know if…" she sucks in a breath, wincing and glancing away, and Arum sees Sir Damien's hand squeeze her own, and after a moment her shoulders settle slightly from their tension, and she meets his terrified eyes again. "I don't know if you feel like I do. Mind reading isn't in my wheelhouse either, Arum, and- and I just want to know. Before we- before we leave. I need to know if we feel the same way about each other, or if-"

"Amaryllis, I- don't be absurd." Arum can feel himself panicking, can feel a distant buzz of confusion from the Keep as it feels his spiking distress, and he skips back an awkward half step as Amaryllis reaches a hand towards him. "You know that I am- am impossibly grateful for all you've done-"

She winces at that, too. She draws her hand back to cover her mouth for a moment, and then she shakes her head. "Is that- is it just that you feel- grateful? Just- still the same way it was when you tried to leave that last time- just- thank you for services rendered, such as they were? Is that all that it is? Is that all that you feel about me?"

Arum looks away. "I think you know perfectly well that that is not even remotely the extent of- of-" he breaks off, not knowing any safe way to complete that thought. "I think you know."

"That's-" her face splits into something that is not a smile, if only because of the way her eyes are wide and strange and sad. "I don't know, Arum. That's kind of the whole problem. I need to know how you feel about me because if I don't know then I can't do anything about it."

Arum goes still, panic easing into something calmer, more cruel.

"Do anything about it," he echoes. "You feel you would need to do something about it, were our feelings misaligned? If I do not feel as you hope I do? If I have- overstepped, if the depth of my emotion has infringed on his claim?"

Amaryllis blinks, and then she glances where Arum has pointed, towards a Damien who appears equally puzzled by Arum's words. "Wait, what?"

"Have no fear, little human," Arum growls, his tail coiling behind him in a threat. "I have no misapprehensions about what we are. I have no delusions about what has passed between us. A kindness and a mercy, both, but nothing more."

"What?" she says again, and then she releases Sir Damien's hand and tries, again, to step closer. "Wait, no, that's not-"

Arum snarls, and Rilla pauses, her hand outstretched in the air between them.

"I will be forever indebted to you, Amaryllis of Exile," he says, forcing his voice low and steady. "Indebted to your knight as well, as infuriating as that detail remains. But I will not be mocked in my own home. You have shown me kindness and mercy beyond what I deserve, certainly, but that does not free you to treat me cruelly in turn."

"Cruel-"

"In the morning, the both of you will leave, and if the Universe is kind we will never need see each other again. Do you not think it cruel, then, to draw that grief out? To force our focus upon it?"

"But if we just talk about it, we might not n-"

"I know I have made myself a fool," Arum spits, and then- he wilts, his shoulders sagging. "I would do so again, I think. But I will not abide you holding my foolishness to the light."

"Arum-"

He turns, the softness in her eyes too utterly unbearable. "I am… I am tired, Amaryllis. The Keep will bring the both of you food in short time. When you are tired, ask for a place to rest and it will provide one. In the morning it will open a way back to the edge of the swamp. Farewell."

"No- wait," Amaryllis says behind him, her tone sharp, almost scared. "No. Wait- I am not saying goodbye to you yet-"

"Keep," Arum says, voice flat and toneless. "Back to the workshop. Now."

There is a pause before the Keep obeys, but it is short. Arum relents to the pain behind his ribcage only barely, only enough to glance over his shoulder one more time. Amaryllis looks caught between misery and fury, looks half tempted to bolt after him, and Sir Damien- Sir Damien looks stiff, unreadable.

"Farewell," he says again, more quietly, and then he turns away.

He is only a step from the doorway when Sir Damien's voice rings out behind him.

"Lord Arum!"

Arum clenches his teeth. He should ignore the knight entirely. He has said his goodbyes. He has closed this chapter with his own hands. He has reshelved the book.

"Lord Arum, I demand you face me, now. I will not condone so cowardly a retreat."

Arum spins on his heel, exhaling a sharp shocked laugh. "Cowardly - how you dare is beyond-

"I see you are armed, now, Lord Arum," Damien says, his voice rather carefully even. "Armed, and healed, and there is still a duel you owe me. I would see that challenge fulfilled."

"The duel?" Arum wrinkles his snout, bares his teeth. "I should laugh. I am an artist with my blades, but even I could not best an archer with weapons meant for closer quarters than these."

"I still carry the weapon you sharpened for me; I imagine it should prove a reasonable match to your own steel. I would see our duel fulfilled," he says again, "blade to blade."

Arum scoffs. "A meager tool you use, but it would suffice. Do you wish to die, knight? Or have you finally remembered your duty?"

"You will you duel me, then?" Damien asks, insistent, ignoring Arum's questions.

"Oh," Arum says, something between a snarl and a bitter laugh in his tone. "Oh, so now the little honeysuckle means to kill me? Now you are amenable to-"

"I have no intentions of the sort," Damien says smoothly. "But you said yourself that you did not prefer to leave matters unsettled, and this matter remains so, between us. I believe you need be reminded of that."

"Ha," Arum snarls. "Unsettled. It would not be unsettled if you did your duty-"

"You conceded to my skill in wordplay, friend lizard," Damien says, his cheeks dark and his smile soft. "I am curious to see who will triumph in swordplay."

Arum narrows his eyes, and it is some combination of reckless despair and curiosity that compels him to draw his own blade, at last, in response.

"Very well, little fool. Keep," Arum snarls, though his eyes are still fixed on Damien. "Close the door, and then back as you were. I command that you do not interfere. This duel will be mine and mine alone, no matter which fate the Universe intends for me."

"Thank you," Damien says as the Keep closes the way again with visible reluctance, and Arum growls low, tail coiling as he brandishes the blade.

"Okay this is stupid," Amaryllis says, stern though her voice is still wavering, but Damien is smiling now, and he lifts a hand in her direction.

"Trust, my love. I will beg you to trust me. You know my heart, do you not?"

Rilla presses her lips together tight, her eyes meeting Damien's for a long, torturous moment, and then she gives a small grim smile and nods. "I do."

"How precious," Arum drawls, dancing his knife between his fingers. "You wanted this duel, Damien. Now fight me."

"As you say, Lord Arum," Damien says, closing his eyes for a with an utterly strange smile. "I am Tranquil, and I am ready. Face me as you will."

Arum coils, tense, for a long moment, feeling out Damien's steady, waiting stance, but the knight is more patient than he. Arum strikes first, a wild lunge meant to unsettle Damien's footing, but Damien in unmoved as their blades clash, and then he deftly steps sideways as Arum lunges again.

"A fine opening," the knight says mildly, as if they were discussing something so simple as the day's meal. "I was correct to think that your reverence for the blade would translate to a certain deftness with this sort of comba-"

Arum lashes out, interrupting with a snarl, but Damien's smile flashes brighter as he parries.

"Even in this you lilt, little songbird?" Arum complains. He is already beginning to feel warm, breathless- he has not exerted himself in this way in ages. Even with his body healing properly under the Keep's influence, Arum is stretching muscles he has not had cause to use in quite some time.

Arum struggles not to find the feeling exhilarating.

"I have a talent for prattling, Lord Arum, as I have been told again and again." Damien grins wide, flicking his wrist out to clash against Arum's next strike. "If you compel me to silence it will be a feat indeed."

"We shall see, little knight."

"So we shall," Damien murmurs, and they are- close, but Arum shoves and Damien spins away, stance defensive to await the next attack. "There is another matter still unsettled, however, more important than my own lilting tongue."

Arum struggles not to roll his eyes. "It is always something with you creatures, isn't it?"

"You failed to answer Rilla's question. Perhaps you thought your deflection sufficient-" he pauses to leap as Arum strikes with his tail, his footwork elegant enough to be repurposed for a dance. "Sufficient," he continues, "to distract from that fact, but I would have you answer, before you give your farewells."

"They have already been given, knight-"

"And yet," Damien says. His cheeks are dark, but Arum can hear that his breaths are still steady. He has barely begun to exert himself. "Prematurely removing yourself from us will not change how you feel, Lord Arum. Nor will it change how we feel."

Arum manages not to stumble, but only barely. He flicks his blade up just in time to keep the knight from pinning him, ducking low and rolling beneath Damien's arm. "I am- perfectly aware that I am incapable of changing your feelings, knight," he snarls, keeping low and defensive as Damien circles him.

Damien's expression softens, oddly. "You cannot change how we feel now," he says. "I am unsure if you understand, however, the degree to which you already have."

Arum leaps, nearly catching Damien's arm with the tip of his blade, but the knight sidesteps with a sliver of space between his skin and the edge.

"Arum, you cannot-"

Arum snarls, striking before Damien fully manages his footing again, but he cannot seem to unbalance the knight.

"Arum, you cannot conceal how you look at her, and I know you must- you must be able to see how she looks at you-"

Arum's scales shiver with a flash of cold, these words more than the risk to his life filling him with terror. "I see," he spits, tail thrashing and frill flared. "Of course. Insulted on behalf of your lover, of course, I remember- I remember quite early on I implied your Amaryllis might have grown some ill-placed fondness for me and you nearly killed me for that alone. Of course this- yes. Little knight, you must, of course, defend your Rilla's honor against so foul a beast as I."

Damien laughs, bright and oddly keening as he dodges another blow. "I should hate to contradict a Lord, but I am afraid you are as far from the mark as you could hope to be. She is radiant, Rilla is light and love herself, she is brilliance and glory and she is made to be adored, of course you would feel that glow, of course you would." He smiles, shocking and full of heat, and Arum hates himself for the way his ribs seem to clench around his heart like sharp cold fingers. "And you, Lord Arum, you-"

"And I am a monster," Arum hisses, and his next strike is sloppy with despair, and the edge of Damien's blade catches against the curved base of his own, and the knight flicks his wrist so deftly, so easily-

The knife flies aside, gleaming steel painting the air in flashes before it thuds to rest on the mossy floor of the greenhouse, and the blade Sir Damien wields is cool and close against Arum's throat in the same instant.

They pant, for a long moment, and Damien is so close that Arum can nearly taste the heat of him, his gentle eyes bright and focused on Arum's own.

"Well?" he breathes after the pause has drawn long. "Do it, then."

"Do you still believe, truly, that I have any desire to harm you?" Damien says, his tone lilting like song, and Arum's heart clenches again.

"Your knife certainly seems to say so," he growls.

"I told you, Arum. I only wished to remind you. Once, yes, I swore I would slay you, when we finally dueled. This I admit. But I am not the same man I was, so short a time ago."

Arum laughs, choking and desperate, the steel still tickling his neck.

"I have won this duel," Damien says gently. "I would have you answer me honestly, now."

Arum swallows, clenches his teeth. "Ask, then. Ask, and be done with it."

"Do you-" Damien pauses, a layer of his smooth confidence shifting aside, a hint of nerves showing through. "Would you- want us to stay? If we could, if- if we were not pressed by responsibility, would you have us stay?"

Arum would have expected nearly any other question, before the one Sir Damien has posed. He expected one particular question, first. He cannot remember how to breathe, for a moment, and the nervous tilt to Damien's smile makes him wish to lean forward, despite the knife, and-

And Arum's lips are parted, but there are no words upon his tongue.

Damien waits, though. In his periphery, Arum can see Amaryllis waiting as well, a hand pressed to her mouth.

"If-" Arum pauses, swallows, flicks his tongue. "If it were possible. If you could."

Damien's eyes are so bright they are nearly hypnotic, and his own lips are parted, now, though he does not interrupt.

"I only wish to see you gone," Arum admits, helpless and hopeless and keening, "because it feels like breaking again, to know you cannot stay. The faster the break-" he chokes, and looks away, and he knows his voice is breaking too, "the cleaner it will be."

"If we offered you anything you desired from us, what would you ask?" Damien asks, his voice low and steady, though Arum can feel his heart still thudding hard.

"I- I have answered one question already, honeysuckle, I do not-"

"You conceded to me in two contests, Lord Arum. I believe two questions is a fair exchange."

Arum snorts. "Fair-"

"What would you ask of us," Damien repeats, firm, "if we offered to grant you anything that was in our power to give?"

Arum presses his lips together tight, his throat thick and his eyes hot. "Anything?" he asks, his voice catching ragged, snarling, monstrous, but Damien only smiles even more gently.

"Anything."

"If… if I could have anything," Arum whispers, claws clenching, and then he closes his eyes. His pride is such a small thing to lose, in the end. "A place at your table," he says, soft and full of too much undeniable longing. "A place for me, seated at your sides, for as long as you would have me."

Damien's grip loosens, and when Arum blinks his eyes back open Damien's own eyes are wide and shocked, his cheeks darkening as his heart stumbles. Arum can hear that heart, can hear the way Damien swallows, then, as well.

"Oh," Damien says, too soft. "Oh, Saint Damien, your Tranquility, now when most I need-" he inhales, exhales with a smile, and then he drops the knife away from Arum's throat.

"Wh-what are you-"

Damien holds the blade out, hilt first, and presses it into Arum's palm.

"There is one more question before you," Damien murmurs as Arum's fingers curl around the metal, and though he is no longer pinning the monster against the trunk of the tree behind him, the poet is still close, is still crowding Arum with his heat and his scent and the rhythm of his heart. "I would hear your answer under no duress, if you choose to do so."

Damien seems so utterly unafraid of the blade that Arum now holds, the gleaming, newly sharpened edge that he holds close against Damien's collarbone. He is looking up into Arum's eyes, something in his expression nearly shy, and Arum-

Arum-

Arum drops his hand, slipping the knife back into the sheath at Sir Damien's hip. Damien's breath catches again, his dark cheeks going even darker, but Arum can only spare a hint of attention to that while he steels himself, while he clenches his teeth and inhales and lifts his head to look over Sir Damien's shoulder, to see Amaryllis where she stands.

Amaryllis stares both of them, her dark eyes wide, her hands clasped over her mouth, and-

Arum is not brave. He has never been. But Arum remembers every single time this creature before him has reached out her hand to him despite every reason not to.

... and Arum thinks that perhaps he can pretend to share even an ounce of the bravery she has shown him.

"I love you," he says, and there is a lightness that comes as the syllables escape him, a freedom that makes him feel reckless, and as Amaryllis' stares at him with something like awe shining on her face, he thinks he might have begun to smile. "I have for some time, now," he murmurs. "I love you, and meeting eyes with death was a small price to pay for the honor of knowing you."

Arum is certain he is smiling, now. He is just as certain that there are tears in his eyes.

He manages to pull his gaze from Amaryllis', after a moment, with no small degree of effort. "And you, little songbird," he says, glancing down, "as for you-"

Arum is interrupted.

Sir Damien's lips press to his own, muffling him to a humming gasp, and the poet's hands are upon him, one on his cheek and the other twisting in his cape, pulling him down. It arcs through him like magic, like- like poetry. Certain lines of which he cannot help but remember, just now.

"I love you," Damien breathes against him when he breaks the kiss, soft and sure as birdsong.

"Damien," Arum says, too shocked to say anything else, and the shyness slips back into Damien's eyes again.

"I understand if our former conflicts are- too much to move beyond, for you, if you do not feel about me as you do about Rilla, if-"

Arum pulls Damien closer, arms wrapping snug around him, slipping the claws of one hand into the poet's hair now that he can do away with pretense, now that he no longer needs to bury that temptation. Damien gasps against his mouth, and on instinct Arum catches his bottom lip with his teeth, careful and testing. "Ridiculous- ridiculous little bird-" he presses his lips against Damien's again, and his own words- they are insufficient. "So ascended I," he growls, pulling Damien closer, closer, "alight- and burning-"

Damien gasps again when he recognizes his own verse, something like a sob in his voice. "Arum-"

"I love you, honeysuckle," Arum whispers, and Damien chokes, folding against him, allowing Arum to hold him.

Just to hold him. So simple, and so much, all at once. Damien's hair is soft against the scales of Arum's palm, as soft as Arum imagined that it would be.

"Saints," Rilla breathes, and Arum blinks, glancing towards her again as she presses a hand against her chest and shakes her head. "I swear the two of you are trying to kill me."

"Amaryllis," he says softly, but he cannot think what to say beyond that.

She comes closer, her lip pulling like she's burying a laugh as Arum holds Damien more snugly against his chest, and when she is close enough he reaches out and she- she smiles wider, cupping his cheek and slotting herself in beside the poet.

"Amaryllis," he murmurs again, and she wraps her other arm around Damien, the palm on Arum's cheek slipping further to cup the back of his skull, making him shiver, making his chest rumble deeper.

"I love you too," she says, and Arum realizes- he realizes that he knew, already. Somewhere deep and hidden, somewhere he did not allow himself to look, before. "Can I kiss you?"

Arum chokes on a laugh. "I- of course you- ridiculous, Amaryllis-"

She rolls her eyes, and as the laugh bubbles from her lips he leans down, nuzzling against her lips and reveling in the brightness of her mirth.

"I love you," he says again, his scales tickling Amaryllis' skin, his hands holding Damien close. "I love you." He pauses, holds them both even closer for a moment. "I… I do not know what we are meant to do. What this will mean, for all of us-"

"Big questions, Arum," Amaryllis says gently. "Good questions, too, and we're gonna have to talk about them sooner rather than later, I think, but-" she wets her lips, giving him a cautious sort of smile. "But maybe that can wait until tomorrow? I- I just kind of- I just want to be like this, for a little while. Okay?"

Okay, as if he would possibly object. There is no possible way for him to hold her closer. Instead he presses his face into her neck, burying himself in the softness of her skin. "Of course," he whispers there. "It will keep, Amaryllis."

"It will keep," Damien echoes in his arms, and then his voice goes a little higher, a little more frightened as he fists his hands in Arum's cape. "I apologize for- I am sorry to have drawn upon you, I only-"

"Thank you," Arum says, before Damien can lose himself to the panic, "for making me stay."

Arum feels the tug in his mind only a moment before the Keep sings, bemused and uncertain, and and Arum reluctantly loosens his grip on the humans.

"Ah," he says. "Right. Er- I don't suppose… the pair of you are hungry?"

Amaryllis laughs, and Arum struggles against the desire to press their mouths together again. "Yeah, actually. Long, long day." She shakes her head as they disentangle from the embrace, still smiling, and then she- reaches out again, and tangles her fingers together with his own. Damien smiles, and on his other side the poet echoes her, slipping his warm palm against Arum's, and Arum's hands flex, his chest rumbling with something like joy. "Lead the way, then."

~

Dining together is familiar and strange and wonderful, all at once. He has shared so many meals with the both of them already, but never at this table, never with his Keep humming its additions to their conversation. Never with Amaryllis leaning against his side, the edges of the space between them softened to nothing at all. Never with Damien refusing to release his gentle grip on one of his hands for the entirety of the meal, his expression soft and adoring, his lips tumbling with new poetry, hopeful and loving verse. Never with the knowledge that he can reach for them, when he wishes to.

He spends most of the meal wishing to.

They do not seem to mind.

~

Eventually the meal is done, the conversation dripping off to quiet contentment. One human leans on each of Arum's shoulders, speaking slow and drowsy, Amaryllis playing with his hand, pressing the pads of her fingers against his palm, turning his wrist in her hands with fond curiosity as Damien murmurs something rhythmic and quiet against Arum's neck between kisses that are so gentle they make his scales feel electric. Eventually Rilla's grip upon him goes slack, her breaths evening out, and honeysuckle follows not long after.

When they have drifted into unconsciousness still beside the table, the Keep reaches out with vines, draping a blanket it has pulled from Arum's bedroom around all three of them, tucking it around their shoulders and then leaving soft new runners twining around Arum's shoulders, his horns, adding to the embrace.

Arum has never felt quite so warm, before. He has never felt quite so- so certain, so fierce.

He loves his Keep. He would go to war for it. He would fight and scrape and claw his way through anything for the sake of his home, his counterpart. He would die for the Keep. He would.

He would die for the creatures in his arms, now, too.

He shifts very slightly, brushing the backs of his knuckles down Amaryllis' arm, feeling Damien's heart beating soft against the hand that is pinned between his chest and Arum's side.

Yes. He would die for them.

But… Amaryllis wants him to live. She and Damien both. They want him to live. They want- they want more from him than that, even. They-

He cannot think it. His mind shies from it. He is not unsure, not at all, he knows, now, how they feel, but- it seems too fragile a thing, still. Too new and delicate to bear the scrutiny of his mind. He sets their words aside for the moment. He refocuses. They want him to live; that is enough. They, and the Keep, as well. It wishes him alive, it loves him, it is not mere duty that binds them.

“The Senate thinks I am replaceable,” he whispers above the sleeping humans, his memory of the attack still bright in his mind as he shares it with the Keep. The way the representative had shrugged and grinned with sharp white fangs and implied they had found someone better, to make use of the Hermit. “They think I am disposable.” The bright pain of the attack from behind, the further pain and rage that followed during his frantic attempt to defend himself, the bittersweet satisfaction of lifting the Hermit towards the light, the blow that cracked his horn and made his head spin, the choice in less than a breath of further claws or the fall, the water-

Not like his swamp. Not the familiar, still, life-filled water of his home. Water rushing and cool, the bite of sharp rocks until he whited out to almost blissful nothing for immeasurable time, and then the strange, strange stillness that came before the mud, before warm hands and voice and-

Amaryllis’ face, in the darkness. All concern and determination, framed by hair that looked as if the night sky were pouring down around her, before he lost himself to blissful nothing again.

The rest of it the Keep will learn in time. It knows the most important part, now. Arum feels the heat of affection bloom through his counterpart, sees the curling growth of small sprigs of white and orange flowers the Keep is blooming above his doctor.

“They think they can use me and discard me and I will simply die,” Arum murmurs. “Perhaps. Perhaps I may have simply accepted that, once. Perhaps.”

The Keep's vines around his shoulders tighten, secure, and when it sings of comfort and home and life life life, Arum feels it in his mind and in his bones.

“They were wrong,” Arum says, quite simply. “On all accounts.” He pauses, inhaling, feeling the strength he has been missing slowly returning to him, the gentle care of his doctor given new expediency by his home. “We will live, and we will not be used again.”

[->]