#and those two things can absolutely coexist

[dennisboobs]

most annoying thing about being me is that i cannot engage with like. any fanon shit about dennis because i'm constantly on some advanced derangement and the stuff i thought two years ago when i was first getting comfy in the fandom is still the way everyone else looks at dennis but i'm like. yes but its Worse than this. you're like a quarter of the way there. this isn't the interesting bit, this is a symptom of it, keep going.

[the-acid-pear]

why did he ask that...

[cripplecharacters]

Disabilities that You Should Consider Representing in Your Writing More… part 1

[large text: Disabilities that You Should Consider Representing in Your Writing More… part 1]

While all disabilities are underrepresented in basically all sorts of media, it’s hard to not notice the trend in what disabilities make up the majority of representation. It’s especially visible when having a blog like this, where we can see what disabilities writers even consider including in their writing, and which ones never come up.

One in four people are disabled. With eight billion people alive it means there’s a lot of disabled people, and a lot of reasons why they are disabled in the first place - but this diversity is rarely represented, even on this blog, and anyone who has been following for a while has probably noticed that fact.

To be blunt: there are disabilities other than “amputee” and “invisibly disabled mobility aid user”. Does that mean that it’s wrong to write either of those? No, and we don’t want to imply that it is. Does it mean that either of these have a lot of good representation? Absolutely not, half of all the amputee characters out there are written by people who don't seem to be even aware they're writing a disabled character. Does it mean that when you are deciding on what to give your character, you should think beyond (or along! people can be, and often are, multiply disabled!) just those two? Absolutely. Disability is a spectrum with thousands of things in it.

This is, simply, a list of common disabilities. This is just a few of them, as this is part one of presumably many (or, at least three as of right now). By “common” we rather arbitrarily decided on “~1% or more” - so at least 1 in 100 people has the disabilities below, which is a lot. Featuring!: links that you should click, sources of the % that are mostly just medical reports and might be hard to read, and quick, very non-exhaustive explanations to give you a basic idea of what these are. 

Intellectual disability (about 1.5%) Intellectual disability is a condition we have written about at length before. It’s a developmental disability that affects things such as conceptualization, language, problem-solving, or social and self-care skills. ID can exist on its own or be a part of another condition, like Down Syndrome, Congenital Iodine Deficiency, or Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. This post covers a lot of basic information that you might need. We have an intellectual disability tag that you can look through!

Cancer survivors (5.4% in the US, about 0.55% worldwide) A cancer survivor is a pretty self-explanatory term. There is a lot of types of cancer and some of them are very common while others are very rare, which makes this a very diverse category. Cancers also have different survival rates. While not every survivor will have disabling symptoms, they definitely happen. Most of the long-term side effects are related to chemotherapy, radiation, and other medication, especially if they happened in children. They can include all sorts of organ damage, osteoporosis, cognitive problems, sensory disabilities, infertility, and increased rate of other cancers. Other effects include removal of the affected area, such as an eye, a spleen, breasts, or the thyroid gland, each of which will have different outcomes. Cancer, and cancer treatments, can also result in PTSD.

Diabetes (about 8.5%, ~95% of that are type 2) Diabetes is a group of endocrine conditions that cause hyperglycemia (high blood sugar) for various reasons depending on the type. The vast majority of people have type 2 diabetes, which can cause fatigue, poor healing, or feeling thirsty or hungry. A diabetic person will use insulin when needed to help manage their blood sugar levels. There are many complications related to diabetes, from neuropathy, to retinopathy, and chronic kidney disease, and there's a lot of disabilities that coexist with diabetes in general! You might want to check out the #how to write type 1 diabetes tag by @type1diabetesinfandom!

Disabling vision loss (about 7.5%) Blindness and low vision are a spectrum, ranging from total blindness (around 10% of legally blind people) to mild visual impairment. Blindness can be caused by countless things, but cataracts, refractive errors, and glaucoma are the most common. While cataracts cause the person to have a clouded pupil (not the whole eye!) blind eyes usually look average, with strabismus or nystagmus being exceptions to that fairly often (but not always). Trauma isn't a common cause of blindness, and accidents are overrepresented in fiction. A blind person can use a white cane, a guide dog or horse, or both. Assistive solutions are important here, such as Braille, screenreaders, or magnifying glasses. We have a blindness tag that you can look through, and you might want to check out @blindbeta and @mimzy-writing-online.

Psoriasis (about 2-4%) Psoriasis is a chronic skin condition with multiple subtypes; it can cause intense itching, pain, and general discomfort, and often carries social stigma. It’s an autoimmune and non-contagious disability that affects the skin cells, resulting in raised patches of flaky skin covered with scales. It often (30%) leads to a related condition, psoriatic arthritis, which causes joint pain, tenderness, and fatigue, among other things.

Stroke survivors (0.5-1%) A stroke survivor is a person who has survived any kind of stroke (ischemic, hemorrhagic, etc.). While the specific symptoms often depend on the exact location on where the stroke happened, signs such as hemiplegia, slurred speech, vision problems, and cognitive changes are common in most survivors to some degree. When someone has a stroke as a baby, or before they are born, it can result in cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and other disabilities. We have a brain injury tag that you can look through!

Noonan Syndrome (about 0.1-1% - mild is 1%, severe 0.1%) Noonan Syndrome is a disability that is almost never mentioned in any context, but certainly not around the topic of writing disabled characters. It’s a congenital condition that can cause cardiomyopathy, chronic joint pain, hypermobility, short stature, facial differences such as ptosis, autism, and various lymphatic problems among other things. Some people with Noonan Syndrome might use mobility aids to help with their joint pain.

Hyperthyroidism (about 1.2%) Hyperthyroidism is a condition of the endocrine system caused by hormone overproduction that affects metabolism. It often results in irritability, weight loss, heat intolerance, tremors, mood swings, or insomnia. Undertreated hyperthyroidism has a rare, but extremely dangerous side effect associated with it called a thyroid storm, which can be fatal if untreated.

Hypothyroidism (>5%) Hypothyroidism is an endocrine condition just as hyperthyroidism is, and it causes somewhat opposite symptoms. Due to not producing enough thyroid hormones, it often causes fatigue, depression, hair loss, weight gain, and a frequent feeling of being cold. It’s often comorbid with other autoimmune disabilities, e.g. vitiligo, chronic autoimmune gastritis, and rheumatoid arthritis. Extreme hypothyroidism can also be potentially fatal because of a condition known as Myxedema coma (or “crisis”), which is also rare.

Deafblindness (about 0.2-2%) Being DeafBlind is often considered to be an extremely rare disability, but that’s not really the case. DeafBlindness on its own isn’t a diagnosis - it can be caused by a wide range of things, with CHARGE syndrome (congenital), Usher syndrome (born deaf, becomes blind later in life), congenital rubella, and age-related deafness and blindness being some of the most common reasons. DeafBlindness is a wide spectrum, the vast majority of DeafBlind people aren’t fully blind and deaf, and they can use various ways of communication. Some of these could be sign language (tactile or not), protactile, the deafblind manual, oral speech (aided by hearing aids or not), the Lorm alphabet, and more. You can learn more about assistive devices here! Despite what various media like to tell you, being DeafBlind isn’t a death sentence, and the DeafBlind community and culture are alive and thriving - especially since the start of the protactile movement. We have a DeafBlindness tag that you can look through!

It’s probably worth mentioning that we have received little to no asks in general for almost all the disabilities above, and it’s certainly not due to what mods answer for. Our best guess is that writers don’t realize how many options they have and just end up going for the same things over and over.

Only representing “cool” disabilities that are “not too much while having a particular look/aura/drama associated” isn’t what you should aim for. Disabled people just exist, and all of us deserve to be represented, including those whose disabilities aren’t your typical “cool design” or “character inspo”, and literally all of us deserve to have good, informed representation. Sometimes we are just regular people, with disabilities that are “boring” or “too much”, and don’t make for useful plot points.

mod Sasza (with huge thank you to mod Sparrow, Rot, and Virus for their contributions with research)

[girlfromflor]

atsumu and his infatuation with stoic!reader - part 1

wc: 1371 | tw: some swear words ig | a/n: i did not proofread this lol, part 2

atsumu was never one to think too hard about other people’s actions. he always thought that when someone said something, they meant it. when they didn’t say anything, well that’s just because there is nothing to be said. he was just as simple, so why worry, right? but that was before he met you. 

he still remembers the very first time he saw you come over practice. you seemed so lost, trying to speak to the coach and see if there was any chance you could be part of the club, only to have your voice completely drown in the loud sound of the balls hitting the court’s floor. atsumu was stunned, he had never seen you around and yet it felt like you were known, like that one person he can always count on. you were so gorgeous, your hair matching your pretty face and soft eyes. he almost immediately asked you to marry him. his eyes worked unceasingly to memorize every part of you. how you were a bit shorter than him, how the school uniform wrapped every part of your body oh so nicely, and he wondered how you would look rid of all those layers. so he gathered all his courage and after a deep breath he approached you, “uh, hi. i’m miya atsumu, do you need help?” 

you, with your ever so practical and stoic persona, had the immediate reaction to just say no. usually not one to chit chat or kill time doing something so trivial as talking about ordinary and banal things. but as you turned to answer the atsumu guy, you freezed. probably it was the first time you ever stood in a situation like this, but god, he was so absolutely gorgeous to you that your whole demeanor changed. you were a loss of words. flustered with your own traitor thoughts and, as you realized you were taking too much time to answer a simple question, your mind went blank for a minute. “sorry, what…?”

he laughed. and god, what a cute laugh he had. he wondered if you were always this distracted. “do you need help? with whatever it is that you’re doing…” and gave you a smile, trying his hardest to not add a random ‘love’ into the phrase. to his surprise you didn’t smile back, face expressionless as you said, “oh, right. yeah, i think i could use some help. i need to subscribe to some club activities and i thought maybe i could be part of the volleyball team… do you think that can happen?” after having a few seconds to recompose yourself you managed to mutter, thanking whatever wave of luck that allowed you not to stumble over your words.

and after that, atsumu knew he was in for a long journey. being head over heels for someone that he later learned to be a first-year, that he now would most likely see everyday and that – much to his dismay – did not utter a single word towards him, unless absolutely necessary. he did not understand any of it. why he felt so breathless around you and why you seemed so oblivious to his advances. he didn’t know how to deal with all of it, he just wanted to know you completely, to have access to your deepest desires and wills and have you share all parts of you and your life. 

but you never really seemed to realize how intensely he cared for you. and nowadays all he can do is to be deeply attentive to everything you do. whenever you say something – or when you don’t, for that matter – he’ll find a way to read your words and actions over and over again. he’s obsessed with it. he can’t imagine why in the world you are so little affected by the things he says and does. how could you not have any sort of reaction when he was around you doing all types of things to get your attention. it wasn’t until a random practice day that he realized just how much you actually noticed him.

he couldn’t help but reminisce that afternoon, it was very meaningful to him. after a few months of coexisting, he managed to remain well behaved with you. only exchanging a few words of politeness whenever you two met. he had just thrown another bad set to one of his teammates, growing frustrated and bothered by the minute. you don’t notice at first what’s wrong. nevertheless, you are the very first to really understand the problem. while all of the boys swim in confusion as to why atsumu seemed so lost in his thoughts during practice, you decide it’s time for him to focus already.

“atsumu,” you call, waiting for him to look at you. he lifts his eyes slowly, so caught up in his frustration to notice the soft glint of affection in yours. “yes…?” he answers at last, still not paying you full attention. 

“i know you’re stressed over exams…” and that’s enough to have him looking at you with attentive eyes, wondering how did you know that since you’re not usually aware of those things, always having the best grades of your class. “but it will be okay. you studied harder than ever, if that’s not enough then i don’t know what would be…”

he lets out an amused chuckle, thinking that you’re just trying to be practical and make him not waste a whole practice just because he’s worried. but then it clicks, he never mentioned exams. during the whole time he spent studying, he did not mention it once. he was pressured enough, he didn’t want anyone else to add up to his stress. he questions then, why would you assume that, of all things? 

little does he know that you noticed how he was getting a few minutes later than the others at practice, because he was finishing a summary of his exams topics. how he would look at the paper in his pocket from time to time to check if he had gotten the right answers to the questions he was mentally doing over and over. how he stopped staying after hours so he could get home sooner, probably to go over his notes about that one topic he never really manages to understand just right.

so he tilts his head a bit to the side, still looking at you with some amusement in his eyes and says, “is not only that, you know… i have to study so much to get good grades and can’t even set right while doing so, it makes me wonder if i won’t ever be able to do two things at the same time…”

and for that you just giggle. a light, sweet sound that just makes atsumu drown even more in his infatuation for you. you raise your eyebrows, hardly believing these words had really left his mouth. “atsumu…” is soft, trying to not sound aggressive, but all the boys that are paying attention can see that you’re actually dead serious when you say, matter-of-factly, “you’re recognized as the number one high school setter… what are you so concerned about?”

and that just hits him like a fucking punch, because you are not saying it to encourage him nor is it to make him feel better. you stating a fact, he is indeed one of the best players in high school, he should be able to study hard and still play well, it comes naturally to him anyway. his eyes fill up with something you can’t quite point out, his smirk spoke volumes though “well, i guess it just gets hard to remember that sometimes.”

after that short dialogue you two shared, he managed not to miss one move throughout the rest of their practice. his humor well recovered as he wonders just how much you watch him around and that, maybe, you think of him just as much as he thinks of you. but nothing could have prepared him for the next day, when he was changing at the locker room and found a note that said “so you don’t have a hard time remembering it” with a simple black bracelet underneath that had “best setter” engraved on it.

[buggyandthebartoclub]

Date Night Headcannons featuring Law, Penguin, Shachi, and Barto with NSFT included for the lovely Heart Pirate Homie Hoppers @guilty-sugar and @mandiemegatron <3 (plus Barto... you know... as a personal treat..)

NSFT Content warnings: No gendered language for reader of any kind used, Pengun's mention of/implied oral sex, Shachi's contains mentions of sex while mutually intoxicated (alcoholic ice cream), and implied unprotected sex/finishing inside, Barto's includes mentions of implied oral sex and biting A/N: This can be read as canon or modern au - some activities listed as possible date ideas are modern things but can easily be substituted for canon verse activities if you want Heed the warnings stated, this is an 18+ self ship blog, all posts subject to possible 18+ material - this post does contain NSFT content

Law

He does have the date planned out but he wont tell you that whatsoever, and when he asks you out it almost sounds like a threat but you can tell by the way Law is only looking at you from the side of his eye while scowling with a deep blush dusted across his cheeks that he's genuinely interested in a date night together, further confirmed by the smirk that spread across his face when you accepted

Is cleaned up and dressed nicely in all his usual clothes but new shirt in a darker black than he already owned and some additonal jewelry (a chain and two rings), and his usual boots that he spent the night before polishing while arguing with the boys about whether or not he should wear a flashier shirt to your date

He will open doors for you and pay for the bill but don't expect him to pull out any chairs for you or go giving you his jacket because you're cold. He would just stare at you deadpan and tell your ass no. Should've planned for the weather better

Takes you somewhere like a little hole in the wall bookstore or antique shop where y'all could look around and maybe snag a few things (books if at the bookstore, and coins for him and whatever catches your eye at the antique shop if you go there), pays for your things but only if they're reasonably priced and WILL shame you if you pick out anything too expensive or what he deems stupid. As long as it's not overpriced he'll still buy it for you even if it is stupid though

Spends most of the date listening to you talk and asking pointed questions to keep furthering the conversation without adding much until you get onto a topic he actually has a pointed interest or knowledge in, though he does actually love listening to you talk about your interests (as long as you aren't getting repetitive or into asinine details... he can show some irritation on his face creep out in those moments. You only get to repeat yourself one or two times before he bluntly calls you out on it unless you've been together awhile then he just sighs deeply and does a little circle in the air with his finger to signal you to sort it out and hurry it up)

Absolutely will tune out and ignore you for a whole hour on your date, absorbed in his book while y'all just coexist peacefully if you went to the bookstore, or will enthusiastically tell you all about the coins he found if you went to the antique shop. In the case of the coins, he tries to act childish and calm at first but his passion and neediness will overpower that as he rambles endlessly to you about his coins, completely steamrolling over any questions or comments you have until he's done talking

Fully expects a goodnight kiss and is pleased as a peach when he gets one. Sinking into your lips and letting his hands slide onto your hips, he's got you melting into his chest in moments

Is an absolute tease in bed, loves edging you and running his hands all over your body, sliding his nails lightly down your side to watch you squirm at the sensation, licking and nipping at your skin and blowing on the damp spots his makes, relishing in the noises he draws out of you

He'll do foreplay for hours, until he gets bored or his hands start to cramp whichever comes first

Then he gets absolutely sex drunk, unable to do anything other than shut his eyes and let his head fall against you, fingers digging into your hips as he loses himself to the sensation of your body around his, taking almost no time at all to finish, he uses a condom but h'll still pull out and pull it off at the end just so he can come all over you

He will do some aftercare and its adequate, dogshit at any sweet-talking after, the deed is done its time to clean up and get ready for bed, though he complains about snuggling, he does automatically go to snuggle with you when y'all curl up under the covers together, but he quickly stops talking and closes his eyes and tells you to shut up and go to sleep if you ask him if he wants to stop snuggling

Will just leave in the morning unless you tell him before hand you want to do breakfast, though he will make you some coffee and make sure to leave a note if you don't do breakfast. Otherwise he will absolutely make you a small and reasonable breakfast he makes you come to the table for and will even eat with you before he leaves

Penguin

Total sweetheart who has the whole date planned out in his head before he asks you out but completely changes to something different once you accept the date because he thinks everything he came up with was not good enough for you

Dresses to the nines, and he definitely makes sure to dress in an extra layer so he can offer you a jacket if you get cold (don't expect his hat though unless you've been together a long while, in which case, he usually has his old hat with the puffball on it stuffed in the jacket pocket for you just in case)

Complete and total gentleman, by far the most considerate of the Heart Pirates listed. That means doors are opened for you, chairs pulled out, he's not even going to let you think about paying. it has nothing to do with how he sees you and all because he wants you too see him as capable and dependable, someone who cherishes the relationship you have together and always will

He would definitely be brushing his hand against yours, distinctly looking anywhere BUT your hands, until you finally hold his hand and he'll look your way with the dopiest smile and bright flush to his cheeks, pulling you closer to him as your fingers tangle together

No matter how well he plans though he always forgets something, whether it's simply the music to the star lit picnic, or something big like tickets to the actual even y'all had planned to go to (thankfully usually just small things! The big ones are a rare occasion, and always beats himself up more than you could ever even think of hinting at towards him and he always makes it up to you even if you insist it was nothing to worry about!)

Cheek kisses are all he ever lets himself hope for in the beginning and absolutely falls over the first time you sneak a quick peck to the lips instead, and absolutely melts into your whole touch when you let him have more of you

His insecurities come to light when y'all are intimate, not that it dulls his enthusiasm or technique, but you can deftly tell he's always a little nervous, always a little worried in the back of his mind if you're really enjoying your time with him or if he's what you really want, because he surely doesn't deserve this here with you right now, but a few well placed kisses and sweet affirmations whispered in his ear and he's completely fine for the session, worried abandoned until next time

LOVES giving/pleasing you in any way, especially with his hands and/or mouth, he's fantastic at foreplay and oral. Enjoys receiving but is insecure about how he looks and sounds the whole time so he tends to avoid it and go straight into pleasuring you.

Does great aftercare and will snuggle you all night long, he doesn't care what part of his body goes numb from you sleeping on it, he just wants you there as close as possible.... until he eventually does have to adjust, but he will still be big spoon if you let him readjust so his arm wont go numb)

Absolutely brings you breakfast in bed from a cafe or bakery nearby and will have even gotten a few extra goodies he hides in the bag for you to have as a treat to yourself later after he has to leave for work

Shachi

Has plans but they’re not meticulously thought out, there’s wiggle room for change of plans if y’all decide to switch it up and go w the flow for the evening or leaves room for y’all to head home and duck out for a night at home if you find yourself overstimulated or not up for being out

His plans? Pizza and laser tag followed by a trip to the alcoholic ice cream store before heading home together

He tries to look nice but casual, by that he means he put on clean cargo pants and shoes and metal band tee with NO puns on it (despite what he really wanted, he took half of penguins advice when he was told quotes and puns on a shirt for a date was a no go), a jacket w a fur trim on the hood (think loke’s jacket from fairytail) 2 band bracelets, and a couple of rings, and he even got law to paint his nails black (if only bc law didn’t want black nail polish all over the fucking floor if they did it themselves), plus his hat and sunglasses 😎 of course.

He will give you his jacket if you get cold, but reluctantly and expect him to complain about being cold, he would much rather you just snuggle up in the jacket with him than hand it over

Is respectful by all means but definitely is not as overt in his gentlemanly ways as Penguin is, despite Penguin's best efforts to instill in him this is a DATE and he should act like it, Shachi can't help but treat you like he always does, the bestest friend ever that he's totally in love with and comfortable with (and super horny for, he finds that important to add, to himself silently in his head of course lol)

Pays for everything but isn't offended if you pay, in fact it really flatters him and makes him give you the "AWHHHH Babes!! You didn't have to do that!"

Does absolutely take laser tag way too seriously and goes for blood in the laser tag room. Thankfully yall did a few rounds w a group so it didn’t start directed at you. But it does quickly turn into an almost all out bully session after a few rounds when the groups disperse and you do a few rounds just y'all

He wasn’t mean by any means but he definitely had sooooo much fun at your expense he’s in tears clutching his stomach by the end and you’re trying to keep up your pout, trying not to crack in laughter at the ridiculous sight of him rolling along the floor like an idiot

He DOES apologize after though and holds your hand as your get boozy ice cream and is really sweet letting you get anything you want and giving you puppy dog eyes to let him pretty please try a bite of yours he’ll share his (he just wants the attention and to share bites of y'alls spoons together the SAP)

Literally can not stop complimenting you and especially after the boozy icecream he is one sweet word after another… along with sweet warm touches as he giggles and begs you to come back to his room with him, whimpering and whining the whole way back about all the things you do to him how it isn’t fair how riled up you get him

Seriously he can not shut up, you have to start making out with him when you get back to the room just to get him to stop and even then he’s moaning groaning whimpering and whining, he’s absolutely sooooo noisy and it’s even worse when he’s tipsy or drunk

Will be biting you all over and licking and kissing each spot tenderly after to make up for it but you’re gonna have some marks on your neck and inner thighs, your lips even a little red and tender

Dont worry he will ENTHUSIASTICALLY try to make up for his roughness and you’ll love every minute of it

Drunk Shachi will beg and plead the WHOLE time cum inside you, acts like he’s in literal bliss while he’s fucking you, talking about how perfect you feel, how you make his brain mush and we’ll you take his cock while begging and pleading to cum inside just this once please there’s no WAY he can finish anywhere else and be satisfied

He will viciously snuggle you after and throw an absolute FIT if you try and disentangle from the whiny little furnace he is so be prepared to quickly clean up w a shirt that’s tossed aside and pulling up just the sheet bc that man is already attaching himself like an octopus and he is OUT

WILL give you rubs and sweet kisses and take you out for breakfast in the morning if you wake up sweaty sore and grumpy tho and give you his softest clothes to wear out since it was your shirt you fuckin grabbed to clean up w the night before

Barto

Has plans and they are meticulously thought out long before he has the courage to ask you out

His admiration of Luffy evident even his dating life as he makes plans inspired by Luffys interests and adventures, looking to recreate excitement his idol has enjoyed for his next favorite person, you! He totally plans to take you out on a treasure hunt for the best food, fight, or fun such as the new arcade he found last week right before he finally asked you out

However, he is totally willing to scrap any and all plans if you're not up for something so thrilling or adrenaline pumping, and won't even be disappointed about it, he just wants to impress you (almost as much as he wants to impress Luffy)

He even takes a bath and cleans his clothes/piercings, brushes his teeth etc before your date on his own accord (after a possible hint that being clean might bolster any physical intimacy chances), what a good boy! Even puts on some brand new nipple rings for your viewing pleasure!

Absolutely will give you his jacket if you get cold, hell he'll tell you to keep it! It looks so much better on you anyway! Although that does leave him shirtless shivering in the cold but he absolutely will not complain about it if that happens

Brings you weed flowers and you love them because there's lots of pokey green thorns and they remind you of his mohawk and he blushes and stutters when you tell him so and thank him with a kiss to the cheek

Absolutely gets excited and starts babbling at lots of points during your date, often bringing up Luffy, but also surprisingly manages to bring it back around to y'all and tie in his babbling so at least the conversation is somewhat participateable, not that you mind, his hilariously sweet devotion to Luffy is one of the many things that endeared you to him in the first place

Frequently gives you extravagant over the top compliments throughout your date, even going as far as to say "Next time we see Mistah Luffy I'm totally taking you with me, show you off like a prized treasure I found! Ha! He'll be so impressed by my impeccable taste in partners, he'll be 'Woah Barto! Where'd you find this gem at?' He'll totally dig your vibe! You're like the coolest person in the world, outside of the Straw Hat crew, of course!"

Is extremely protective of you, even though he knows you can take care of yourself he definitely goes a little guard dog, barking and growling- I mean, cussing out anyone he thinks is looking at you wrong and definitely punches someone if he hears any insults about his beloved treasure

After the date is over and he's nervously taken you back to your room wherever it may be, letting nerves turn him into a blushing and stuttering mess, trying to find a way to ask for kiss (I mean, he was SUCH a good boy the whole date! AND he bathed! He can definitely ask for a goodnight kiss right? You had a lot of fun you even kept smiling and blushing at him he's SURE that means its okay to ask for a kiss...), but you take the breath out of his lungs when you stand on your tiptoes to give him a kiss and fry his brain completely

Don't worry though he recovers after a minute and he's all over you in the best of ways, he's all tongue and teeth and searing heat, kissing you with as much passion as he shows for beloved Straw Hats, and really showing you what that long tongue can do

He's completely lost in you, your hands in his hair and his teeth on your neck when you tell him what a good boy he is and there's no stopping him now and after the filthiest groan you've ever heard and a buck of his hips he'll tell you directly, you're not leaving that room anytime soon, and certainly not walking on your own two legs if he has anything to say about it

Comes all over you and will absolutely lick it all up after and then just grabs something to clean you up with off the floor and tosses it to you before grabbing something to clean himself off too before yanking the blankets up and pulling you onto his chest and passes out like a drop of a hat. He adores you but you have to explain to him in the morning if you want your aftercare to look any different (though he will enthusiastically do any changes you ask for)

Enthusiastically makes you the worst breakfast in bed ever, the man can absolutely not cook but he does take you out after to make up for his shit cooking skills (and the disaster int he kitchen don't look at it its fine)

[tiredspacedragon]

I am plagued by thoughts of Toa Kaita and how their names and titles are determined.

Is every single one unique? That leaves the most room for creativity, and means the result of each fusion is dependent on the personalities of the individual Toa components, which seems like the most narratively satisfying option. But also, if every possible Kaita is unique, how do they avoid overlapping domains? Eventually Valour or Wisdom are going to be really fitting for some other combination of three Toa, or they'll just run out of fancy mental concepts to name themselves after.

Alternatively, do the names, or maybe just the titles, of any given Toa Kaita, depend on the elemental combination used to form them? Does every instance of Ta-Toa+Po-Toa+Onu-Toa result in Akamai? Does every instance of Ga-Toa+Ko-Toa+Le-Toa result in a Toa of Wisdom? I went and learned some math specifically to determine that there are 560 different possible 3-element combinations that can be formed from the 16 Toa elements, assuming all three have to be different, because that makes the most sense to me. 546 if Light and Shadow could not coexist within a single Kaita for some reason, and 455 if you don't count Shadow at all. Those are still really big numbers! But it seems a lot more feasible to come up with 500-ish attributes for each combination to represent than for each of the infinite combinations of individuals to result in something completely unique. But then again, it seems awfully limiting to simply assign a default attribute based on elemental alignment without taking into account the personalities of the constituent Toa at all. Would Vakama, Onewa, and Whenua really result in a Valour combination rather than something more tailored to them? Could Tuyet and Nidhiki really be part of a Wisdom combination?

Then perhaps there is a set number of possible Kaita and which of the limited (but likely still beyond extensive) list of possibilities the fusion forms is dependent on the three Toa's personalities? That feels like it's getting dangerously close to personality-based categorization though, and I've seen enough bad YA to know that's never a good idea.

Is any of this important at all? Oh no, not at all, we only ever see two Toa Kaita in the entire story and even they barely matter, this absolutely isn't the sort of thing that needs to be thought about deeply at all. But here I am, distracted by it anyway.

[nekropsii]

Ok, don't get me wrong, i think your opinions/analysis have arguments, so you have reasons.

But i can't stop thinking, when you talk about fandom not interpreting things correctly, mostly dancestors, it feels like:

Fanon: i love the dancestors! They are all so nice!

You: aCTUALLY, they are all ASSHOLES, except mituna, latula, and porrim. The rest is crap and here is a long and detailed list with why:

And a the end of the list :but this is what makes them great as characters, because they have a narrative function to it!

Yep. And I stand by that. Firmly. What’s the problem here?

The Alpha Trolls - not the Dancestors, that’s literally every character in Homestuck - are largely not good people. Calling them nice is blatantly false and outright disregards almost every single scrap of text we are given. Mituna’s a good dude in a bad situation full of people he doesn’t really like, as is Damara. Latula’s literally never done anything wrong. Porrim’s just a regular person. Aranea’s pretty nice, and her actions during Game Over were a result of eternities of torment and desperation to be seen + heard, and is therefore not fully representative of her. Meenah’s cute, but a major fuckup that has committed some absolutely egregious crimes. That’s it, really.

The Alpha Trolls are Good Characters and (mostly) Bad People.

Are you maybe experiencing some kind of difficulty in understanding that there’s a difference between a character and a person? Because a fuck ton of people in fandom definitely do have that problem, for some reason.

A character is a plot device. It is a tool. Nothing more, nothing less. A person is a person. The difference between a bad person and a bad character is that a bad character isn’t fulfilling the role and function they are supposed to perform, and a bad person is just a shitty guy I do not want to be around. Conflating the two leads to bad analysis, and is also a primary contributor to apologetics, and all those god awful fanonizations that sand down every edge the character has until they’re pleasant people and totally unrecognizable. People think they have to like a character as a human being in order to like them as a character. Which is completely untrue, and is totally naïve to the fact that villains are popular for a reason.

A character can be a bad person and a good character - they fill their role and serve their purpose very well, but would absolutely suck to be around. Meenah, Vriska, Cronus, and Caliborn all fit under that label. This isn’t always a villain role, but it does tend to get taken up by villains. And anti-heroes, of course. Vriska is there, after all

A character can be a good person but a bad character - they’d be pleasant to talk to in real life, but they suck at fulfilling their narrative purpose. Just about every fanon version of a character is this. It’s more of a fanfiction thing than an actual real literature thing.

I am the biggest fan + defender of the Alpha Trolls you can find. The Alpha Trolls largely are not good people, but they serve their function very well. This is not a controversial statement because it is entirely true. Fanon is dogshit and totally wrong, 100% of the time. This is a hill I’m willing to die on because I’m literally just correct. There is not a scrap of text on this planet that you could procure to say Cronus Ampora is a good person - anything you could scrounge up is just baseless fanfiction and total garbage.

I do not see the confusion, nor do I understand the point you’re trying to make. These are facts that can and do coexist, quite regularly. Even within Homestuck. Again, Vriska exists. What now?

[kedreeva]

Hi! 😁 I might soon have the chance to have a garden and I've always wanted to have a few chickens, and I've started some online reasearch about keeping chickens but since you're an expert and I don't trust some of the online sources, do you have any tips for absolute beginners? 😅

I do! You can have a garden, or you can have chickens, but the two are diametrically opposed forces that do not coexist peacefully without fully enclosing one or the other. Chickens can and will obliterate gardens and landscaping if they have access to it, including absolutely destroying mulch patches by helping you spread it all over the yard.

I'll put the rest under a cut ^_^

When you acquire chickens, don't get them from a hatchery, get them from a small breeder you've looked into and spoken with about their actual birds. Hatcheries have poor quality animals, so while you may be getting a "black copper marans," they're not gonna necessarily look very nice, and they're almost certainly not going to lay that nice, deep chocolate marans are known for.

Vs straight from one of the bigger hatcheries pages, photos of their eggs:

You also are NOT going to get the breed qualities of any given breed except maybe some of the production breeds. For example, a Jersey Giant from a reputable breeder will get up to 10-13lbs, which is as big or bigger than my peafowl. Same with Brahmas and Cochins. Hatchery stock you will be lucky to see 6-8lbs, and people are OFTEN disappointed about this kind of thing. Silkies, as another example, can look WILDLY different from a hatchery vs a private breeder. A show quality silkie is a puffball:

Hatcheries also pull skeevy moves like calling easter eggers (mutts that lay blue, green, pink, brown, or white eggs) "americanas" hoping that you mistake it for "ameraucana" the pure breed that lays stark blue eggs. Then they charge you ameraucana prices (like, $25/chick) when they should be charging more like $3-5 a chick. They'll do things like call a marans/barred rock mix a "mystic marans" as if it's a new color morph of a marans chicken instead of a mixed breed mutt they invented to be able to sex their chicks at hatch easier. People get these guys expecting MARANS eggs, and they get tan barred rock eggs. Same can go for temperament and behaviors. You go anywhere that has a group of chicken owners and ask them what their favorite breed is, you will get a range of answers with reasons like "my X is so sweet" while the next person will go "mine's the devil" and if you ask, 9 times out of 10, it's hatchery stock birds. Well bred private breeders often have MUCH more stable temperaments.

vs hatchery stock

Getting from a private breeder also lets you get eggs, which can help you dodge a LOT of disease bullets. There's very little that transfers through the egg, strangely, and some of that is transferred on the surface of the eggs (like mycoplasma) so a quick santizing dip before incubation gets rid of that. I know that hatching them yourself is more of a hassle, but so is losing your flock to newcomers that came in with something entirely avoidable if you'd hatched instead. If your breeder is NPIP certified, they're getting tested for the major egg-traveling problem (pullorum) and a dip will take care of most anything else unless you're super SUPER unlucky.

Lastly on acquisitions, be prepared to get roosters. If you can't have roosters, be prepared to get them processed for yourself for food, or let the roosters go to food homes. Please please please please. There are so many, many excess roosters. They cannot all go to homes. The rooster to hen ratio in a flock is like 1:9. The rooster to hen ratio in hatching is nearly 1:1. Let someone make use of them. EVEN if you order from a hatchery, and order all pullets, they can make mistakes and send rooster babies. It's not a guarantee! Have a plan in advance! Mentally prepare yourself! Don't be one of Those People making posts in local groups about how you don't want/can't have this rooster but also no one else can eat it either. Chickens are a lot of things. Sometimes food is one of those things.

BEFORE actually acquiring the chickens, locate a vet that will see them. You are GOING to have an issue at some point in their lives, and that's not the time to start looking for a vet, that's the time to already have a vet on hand. In fact if you can support a yearly wellness check on at least one of the birds to test for communicable illnesses (like mycoplasma) and have a good relationship with your vet in advance, that's even better.

As for care, if you plan to contain the chickens, the minimum recommendation for a backyard coop and run varies wildly. For stress purposes, most chickens will find 4 feet of floor space per bird inside the coop adequate, accompanied by 10 square feet of space in a run per bird. Unlike peafowl, it doesn't matter how big the run is, the chickens will be turning the entire thing to bare soil, which is one of the reasons most people don't keep both in the same pens. I literally attempted to keep 2 standard chickens in a 1200 foot pen and they systematically went about destroying everything they could get to.

Most layer feeds are 16% protein; most layer feeds are also /production/ layer feeds, meant to feed production breeds in a space where they get NO other feed except this. If you plan to feed anything other than layer feed to them, like treats or whole foods or scratch grains, then you need to find a higher protein feed for them, because most treats are lower protein than layer feed. Avoid anything produced by Purina or Dumor (which is purina but TSC brand), except MAYBE the organic dumor 5-grain scratch grain, it's well-known as one of the worst quality fowl feeds out there. Check out your local mill and see if they have any options that are better than the big box farm stores. Kalmbach makes good feeds, as does Belstra.

Possibly counterintuitive, but stick with a smaller waterer over a larger waterer. You can keep a larger one around for if you go away for the weekend or something to make it easier on a sitter, but a smaller waterer like a 5-quart or gallon waterer will be easier to clean and make sure that you're giving fresh water more often, plus avoiding mosquitoes growing in it. Waterers can slime up really easily in the summer, so just be prepared to give it a quick swish clean every time you change the water out. Smaller waterers also make it easier to give them medication if you have something that goes in the water, especially since a lot of the water medications are "make fresh daily." Personally I don't bother with heated water bases anymore in the winter, I just have enough waterers to exchange them for a fresh one a couple times daily, while the old one thaws inside the back door on some plastic. The galvanized ones you have to use with the heated bases always got gross fast, with rust and discoloration and the stopper in the bottom always dried out and eventually cracked over the summer when we weren't using them.

Try to avoid straw bedding unless you REALLY trust the source. Straw is mostly for livestock, not poultry. It cannot catch the droppings of poultry the way shavings or sand or other beddings do, meaning the wet gunk drops to the floor under it and/or collects into grossness. It also molds easily, can carry in field parasites (since it's not treated the way shavings are often kiln fired before packaging), and breaks down into shards. I'm not saying you can't ever use it for any reason (I use it in some fashion, and have for over a decade, but not exclusively, and I trust my source, we've never gotten mites or anything, and I'm very careful about which bales I pick out), but if you have a choice, go for the wood substrates, or even for sand. A lot of people put sand in their runs because they can then rake it like kitty litter.

Look into what plants chickens can't have, and check your yard over thoroughly for them before adding chickens. Things like lilac bushes are toxic to them. Tomato and potato plants are nightshades so while they can have the fruits, the leaves and stems can be toxic. Stuff like that.

Lastly.... if anyone ever makes a claim about what something does for a chicken (example: diatomaceous earth, apple cider vinegar, pumpkin seeds, oregano, red pepper flakes, lavender, etc are all things I've seen people claim do all sorts of things from worming birds to curing respiratory infections), ask them for their source. If it's a blog post, ask them for a scientific article. If they can't provide it and you can't find one that backs up what they're saying, maybe reconsider the value of that particular advice. The thing is, the BIG production companies are VERY invested in finding cheap or organic or tricky ways to do WHATEVER it is (treat endo/ectoparasites, treat illness, make bigger or more eggs, change egg yolk color, etc), and they pour money into trying to figure out which old wives tales actually work and which ones don't. And if they haven't been able to prove it to a point where they'll spend money on it as a solution, then chances are REALLY GOOD that it's not a solution at all actually.

Things like how to clean coops, what feeds to get, what items to use for care, where to source birds, behavioral information etc, that's all stuff you can ask advice on in general public spaces. You'll still get a range of answers, and some of them will be garbage answers, but hardly any of them will do harm to your animals to do or not do. Like, for example, you can use a big waterer or a small waterer, as long as it's clean. You can vary coop and run size and still be fine. You don't have to feed exactly what someone else is feeding for your birds to be fine. You're probably going to try a few breeds before you find the one(s) you like best.

But when it comes to medical info or any kind of "treatment" type stuff? Consult a vet and/or at least look for scientific papers.

And lastly.... chicken math is Real, yo. However many chickens you think you want to get, plan on having the space for double that amount so you don't gotta rebuild anything when you ultimately decide wait, you need a couple more. The bigger space won't hurt them if you don't get more, but it'll be so much easier on you if you do ;)

[finn-m-corvex]

They are not painting cole as someone who "wants" to keep his families separate wtf? Just because you guys are biased against the finders does not mean the writers are biased towards them.

DRS2 PT1 POTENTIAL SPOILERS

I'm not sure who "you guys" is meant to be referring to considering I am the only one who has expressed dissent against the Finders of this variety, but here we go.

Whether you like it or not, there is evidence in the show of Cole considering the Finders and the Ninja to be two separate families. There are more than one examples of this:

-Cole saying IN DRAGONS RISING SEASON 2

This single line, whether you like it or not, implies that Cole's line of thinking has shifted to considering the Finders as his primary family and not the Ninja, and this is a fucked up line of thinking for me personally. And I am allowed to have this opinion.

-Cole not telling the Ninja about his father. This is a small thing, but he does have a history of not telling people about his previous families. It is a pattern, albeit a small one.

-Cole NOT telling the Ninja about his mom??? Hello??? He loved his mom???

Look, I will be the first person to say that I can be pretty obstinate and set in my ways, but this isn't right. None of this situation when put in this context is right. Because treating either one of your families like that is fucked up. I am someone who has grown up and is in one of those families, and it hurts, and it is not a good way to treat people.

Whether Cole is aware of it or not, he does think about the Ninja and the Finders as two separate families, who cannot coexist. The writers are not biased against the Finders, but they have made Cole look like he is biased against blending the Finders and the Ninja together, and that is not a good look for him or for them.

Geo should've had an inkling of who Nya was. Bonzle should've recognized Jay to some extent. The Ninja should not be strangers to the Finders, but they are, and that has implications whether you would like to admit it or not. Cole has not told them about the Ninja, just like he didn't tell the ninja about his mom and dad until he absolutely had to, and that isn't right. That is what I don't like about this situation, not the Finders' existence.

I apologize that my opinion has made you feel like you need to send in an ask, but unfortunately I am entitled to my opinions regarding this situation and you cannot change how I feel about it that easily. Thanks though.

[pitchcom]

soz if u guys arent here for this but these are MY personal grid A/B/O assignments + reasoning:

Max: alpha and i feel like i dont need to explain this one LOL

Checo: omega but i could be persuaded to see beta checo !! like take one long look into his beautiful big brown eyes n little freckles and motherly aura and tell me you dont see it ….

Charles: controversial but …. alpha. omega charles truthers i see you. i love you and hold you dearly. but to me charles is just a softer alpha u know ?? but he still has the bite too him … like hes all sharp teeth grin n you KNOW its all casual with him but you cant help but fall in love w him anyways ….

Carlos: DOUBLY controversial but I AM AN OMEGA CARLOS TRUTHER !!!! like again. look into his big brown eyes n plush lips … look at his quotes about how he was “too soft” when he was younger n just wanted to be friends w everyone … i will die on this hill

Lando: TRIPLY CONTROVERSIAL but alpha lando scratches an itch in my brain actually !! like chest puffed bravado rookie lando wanting to prove himself bc people always assumed he wasnt an alpha … now mellowed cheeky alpha lando whose gone through 2 older omega teammates (spoilers for daniel LOL) and learned a lot from them …

Oscar: alpha but i could be persuaded to see beta !! idk hes just so chill. so unbothered. people assume hes a beta bc of his attitude but hes just been raised so that he literally does not care abt designations at all

Alex: beta but i could be persuaded to others … like this one is not solid solid to me ?? but hes genuinely just so chill with everyone on the grid that hes like a stabilizing force … a calming presence u know … even though he absolutely has the capacity to be teasing n silly

Logan: omega end of sentence. look into those sad eyes and miserable aura and tell me you do not want to bundle him up. hide him away whisper sweet things to him. he would love it too the frat boy logan-ers are lying to you …

Daniel: omega LOL i mean i can see alpha danny n would not necessarily be opposed to it but his kind of mentoring of max n lando … his wide eyed curly hair braces when he came into f1 … also honey badger nickname speaks omega to me. it whispered in my ear and i saw the vision of danny stuck with angry baby alpha max n the two slowly learning how to coexist abd slowly becoming one ot the closest people ever to each other

Yuki: i actually dont have a preference LOL i mean i think the whole “shorter/smaller person is an omega” thing is a tired trope so i feel i have a little predisposed bias against omega yuki BUT i am generally open to all designations for him

Fernando: I AM ALSO AN OMEGA NANDO TRUTHER i am too hung up on his twink days w the old grid to ever really see him as anything more then a conniving little omega who absolutely kicks ass and proves the haters wrong LOL. you love to see an omega whose a little feral out there. like go forth and cause mischief or something

Lance: i wanna say omega but i could be persuaded …. like look at him. plush hair big brown eyes with fluttery lashes pouty lips. hes a little spoiled thing like hes so cat coded to me. lanky ol omega who knows what he wants

Pierre: omega !!! i dont rlly have an explanation for this one it came to me in a vision BUT i love omega pierre … pretty little bratty omega …

Esteban: beta but generally open to all interpretations !! he seems so like neutral to me … like big lanky guy whose trying his best to stand out n get his moment in the sun but gets a little overshadowed by other stronger personalities …

Lewis: alpha 100%. again hes calmed hes mellowed but this man has the calm quiet “i know im the shit. what are you going to do about it?” alpha demeanor to me. like he absolutely tore it UP when he was younger n was brash n confident (and was not the best alpha) but after the nico situation and teaming w valterri he rlly had his eyes opened and now he’s just chilling

George: alpha but i could be persuaded to other points of view … like this man was crazy n dedicated enough to powerpoint present why he should be in mercedes 😭 i think that he is deffo like hyperaware of designations/tries to do his best by everyone in the paddock tho

Kevin: omega BUT i could be persuaded for beta kevin. no real explanation again but i am once again influenced by rookie kev and also his fatherhood

Nico: alpha or beta. again no real explanation for this he just gives off cocky would-be-an-asshole-if-you-didnt-know-him-well alpha vibes but in an uncle way. like the guy who likes to tease you but goes too far sometimes and doesnt rlly apologize for it

Valterri: beta through n through 🫡 again influenced by his stint at merc where he was the perfect second driver and was also brought in to help smooth over turbulent emotions that were left from the brocedes divorce and nicos subsequent retirement. definitely grew into himself a little more post merc tho and now gives no fucks about what people think abt him or his designation. viva la vida

Zhou: i wanna say alpha OR omega. my narrative is that he was a shy rookie who’s not super comfortable in his designation yet when he first debuts but as he spends more time with “no fucks given” valterri he slowly becomes more confident and comfortable in himself. thats it sorry zhou fans im not well versed in the zhou lore 😭

[goyurim]

I agree that sol has loved him and tried to save him selflessly but so has he to the same extent? He loved her in two time lines and will in this third one as well for 15 years selflessly without knowing at all that she has feelings for him, he also saved her life multiple times risking his and is ready to do it again paying the price with his life. The reason she has to go back and save him is literally because he saved her spent 15 years miserable because of guilt he couldn't save her legs and then got murdered for it. No to mention the other thousand things small and big he did for her safety and care in all 3 timelines. I don't think I have seen a character love someone so selflessly or devotedly as sun jae so I have to disagree with you there.

you're very welcome to disagree with me! we don't have to agree on everything anon, that's the beauty of it, as @sunlighthroughthe-ashes so eloquently put it, "the beauty of art and entertainment media is the subjectivity of its interpretation. one little show can mean so many different things to so many different people, and i think that's wonderful."

i think you've misunderstood me slightly though so i'd like to address that - you seem to interpret my statement about sunjae liking sol selfishly as some sort of bad thing - as if being selfish in love is wrong and cannot coexist with being selfless, too. you're absolutely right about sun jae being selfless in the way he loves sol, in everything he's done for her. but he's also been selfish in his devotion to her too, he wanted her to love him back, he wanted to be someone special to her. he gets mad at her in the woods during the retreat when she's been avoiding him like the plague, and even back when she bought him all those self-help books, he shuns her away out of his house by saying "you can't give me what i want so just go". does that make sun jae a bad person? of course not! when you love someone you want them to acknowledge it, that's perfectly valid and true. doesn't make it any less selfish. sun jae choses to be selfish, that's why he ends up with sol, and tae sung does not. tae sung's love, in my eyes, is truly selfless. the kinda love that wants their object of affection to be safe and happy, even if that means they themselves will never be on the receiving end of the same.

to me, the whole "i like you" "i love you" scene was a direct continuation of the scene where sun jae misses his flight and returns to sol after finding everything out. he literally asks her to stop worrying about him and allow herself to like him. sol doesn't respond, she's too overwhelmed with everything that's just happened. the "i like you", this time around, was her response. she tells sun jae that she's listened to him. that she's allowing herself to unabashedly like him. his response being "i love you" encapsulates everything he told her back then, but also somehow something more. when you love someone so much, the lines between selflessness and selfishness begin to blur, bc it's not about doing the right thing anymore, it's about doing right by this person. bc your compass of morality isn't a direction anymore, it's a person. sun jae's verbalising these thoughts to her, through his "i love you". these two have loved each other through time and space, over and over again, and their love has evolved over time. from a crush and a fan, silent and afar, to truly devoted, unapologetic love. but neither of them knew! what they've been doing for one another! all this time! the "role reversal" i was referring to might sound weird to the audience bc we know both their feelings from the start. but they don't! they never got to lay their hearts out so openly in front of one another. they're finally doing that now.

[robinsno1lesbian]

Quick Neighbor!Robin thot hehe

Asking Robin for nudes and her sending a pic of her wearing her strap🤭

OK BYE ENJOY YOUR TRIP

ceebs you know what? it’s 06.00am, i haven’t had a minute of sleep yet and i can’t get this out of my head so have my thoughts on this so i can peacefully sleep (you’re welcome).

(smut below the cut, MDNI)

you’re normally not the one to be asking robin for pictures. normally, it’s the opposite.

normally, you’re the one who spends all evening pacing through your room to find the perfect spot, to get the lighting just right, to capture the perfect picture of your bare body to surprise robin with a little message in the middle of the night.

one that will show off your chest, your ass or your entire bare body with your back arched for the camera just slightly.

those usually lead up to her walking to her window with her phone in hand, glaring into your room with widened eyes to find you spread on your sheets for her, ready and wanting.

but today is different.

you’re not home, far from home actually. and you long to see your girlfriends body. two things that can only coexist if she’d be so kind and send you the type of picture you normally take for her.

after trying to push away the one urge to text her all day long, you finally give in.

the sun has just set and you’re laying on the damp sheets of a bed that isn’t robin’s, wishing for her presence and her touch. you want her firm hands on you, on your hips while she grounds you down on her tongue or your ass, with her towering behind you and pounding you with her strap…

so, before you can second guess yourself, you send her a message. you try not to seem all to desperate for her, and throw the phone away from you once you’ve pressed the “send” button.

you cover your face with a pillow and groan.

only when your phone buzzes about 5 minutes later, you remove the pillow from your eyes to try and catch a glimpse of what you’ve received.

seeing robin’s name light up on the screen is enough to make your heart race in your chest.

she has sent a single text and there’s a picture attached as well. you sigh in relief and scan the text quickly, eager to see her body in all its glory.

“someone misses me huh?”

robin wrote and you roll your eyes playfully. of course you’re missing her, how couldn’t you?

your eyes threaten to roll back again the second you lay eyes upon the picture.

“fuck” you shiver and inhale sharply.

robin is naked in the picture, aside from the harness that is attached to her hips. that, and the strap that sits against her proudly.

the hint of abs on her stomach only add onto the heat that pools between your legs.

you allow yourself to take it all in: the swell of her breasts, the muscles under her skin, the mole right over her hipbone. the mole that you normally stroke with your thumbs whenever she’s wearing the strap around you. the mole that you can’t help but admire while you’re on your knees for her, with the toy disappearing past your lips and down your throat.

her hands are in it too, her strong, beautiful hands, that are capable of grounding you down against the plastic cock when you can’t keep up anymore. of pulling your hair and pushing it further into your mouth until tears are burning in your eyes and you’re grinding down against absolutely nothing.

you must’ve been gotten lost in your own thoughts because your phone vibrates in your hand and your gaze falls back on the screen. a new message has popped up on your screen.

“enjoying yourself?”

you have just enough time to read it before another message comes in. a video, you notice.

you scoot back on the pillows and get comfy, legs bending at the knees and head held by the softness of said pillows, and tap on it with a curious look on your face.

your jaw drops when the video of robin starts playing, taking over your entire screen.

it’s filmed from a rather low angle, putting the toy in the focus of the camera. but that’s ultimately not what makes your jaw drop, though it would be enough. it isn’t robin’s hand either, at least not at first. because at first, she just holds it up a little, just like she would if you were kneeling in front of her, to tap it against your tongue.

what leaves your mouth agape and your already soaked cunt clenching around nothing is the string of saliva she spits upon the head of the strap.

you suck in a breath, but robin isn’t done yet.

she uses the hand she held the strap with to wrap around the head and stroke the toy. her head drops back and you can hear a raspy, low groan falling from her lips in the background. she repeats both the motion and the action of spitting on it, before the video cuts off.

“oh my god” you whisper to yourself “oh my god”

you press your thighs together to avoid clenching around nothing again but there’s no point. you want her. need her. need her to fill you up, need her to pound into you form whatever angle she pleases until you’re sore. spit on it like she’s done in the video and fuck it back into you.

you look back down at the video. your mouth still hangs open and you’re sure you’re resembling a fish on land.

but your phone screen has changed. it doesn’t show the video no longer. now there’s something else.

an incoming call from robin.

[queenlucythevaliant]

hi, young soon-to-be a librarian here, i’ve liked books for a long time but the issue is i exclusively read books below my reading level for no explicable reason, what books do i read so that i don’t just look like a total child managing a library he shouldn’t even have access to. (I’m the co-founder of my high school’s Library committee.)

I really want to be what this library needs, and i know im unqualified but if i don’t do this, nobody will. I am falliable but i’m not gonna let this chance fall by the wayside.

Hi there! Flattered that you think I can opine usefully on this issue.

My general statement to you would be that truths really do coexist here. (1) Just read whatever you want, my dude. Life is short and there are so many more books in the world than you will ever have the chance to read. Don't force yourself to read stuff that doesn't bring you any joy. (2) The books that you read absolutely do shape you as a person, and for that reason it's good to read things that are varied, challenging, and edifying. There are all sorts of ways for those two truths to slot together, and we've got our whole lives to figure it out.

That said, here's some personal experience from my summer at the bookstore that I'll toss up alongside those fairly broad statements:

I became aware very quickly that I am not literary soulmates with any of my coworkers or the vast, vast majority of my customers. I've been told several times now that my personal tastes are "not commercial." Yet every now and then, I'll get to talk with someone who also really loves the same books that I love, and those moments are just magic. In your case, maybe those conversations will be with kids or teens. That's awesome! You and whoever your people are will light up in those moments, and you'll figure out pretty quickly how to be useful to everyone else.

I am interested in reading exactly zero of the Most Popular Books that our store sells. That's fine, and thankfully no one is going to make me. I've found it useful, however, to do a bit of research so that I can make pleasant small talk about those books and recommend them as appropriate. Wikipedia, Goodreads, and YouTube are all your friends here. I've actually really enjoyed that kind of research! Kinda feels like rummaging through the closet of a friend with an entirely different fashion sense.

Another thing that's really useful is making note of where anything you might remotely call a favorite is in the store(/library), especially those that are outside your usual genres. You might be surprised at how varied your own reading is! This is helpful when someone asks for a rec outside your usual wheelhouse. Even if you haven't read 99% of the books in that section, you can point to the one or two you've read and loved and say, "Oh, these are my favorites. Read them," without necessarily having to cop to the fact that you haven't read much else in the genre.

Also worth mentioning: our store manager reads mostly YA and fantasy, and we all respect her and think she's great. Our assistant manager reads mostly YA and romance, and ditto. She's also great. The gal who runs our kids section is the oldest person working at our store, and she reads tons of kids books not just because that's her area, but also because she genuinely loves them. She is super cool and knowledgeable. I really don't think people are likely to look down on you for what you read.

So that's what I've got. Hopefully something in there is helpful. For what it's worth, you sound highly qualified based on what you wrote and I think your earnest desire to serve your community in this way will get you a lot further than having read or not read any specific books :)

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! Sorry if this is a stupid question but I was wondering about representing disabilities/things in general that you don't have.

I always see people say that they want characters to be represented properly, and to show their disabilities and lives in an accurate way, but I also see people talk about how you shouldn't write about the struggles a POC/minority/person with a disability/etc. faces because you don't experience that and you're speaking over them or only using their story for "trauma porn" or whatever.

Maybe it's just because I'm autistic but I'm really not understanding how those two things coexist. How do I show how someone lives, especially with a disability that might be painful, without writing about the things they face?

Obviously it would be super weird if the character's entire personality was just "My life is awful because I'm so different, I can't do the things everyone else can, my life sucks."

But what about normal things that they struggle with? Like "Yeah I only have one arm, it's a pain in the ass to do dishes but it's not the end of the world." or "I have albinism so my depth perception is shit but whatever" or "It's fucking annoying when people stare at/judge me because I look different, but if they don't like it that's their problem, not mine lol."

Is the problem whether or not a characters ENTIRE story revolves around their disability? Using my own as an example:

A story, specifically, about how Funky Bungus, as an autistic person, lives in the world and what struggles he has due to his disability, VS a story where Funky Bungus is trying to stop two kingdoms from going to war and there's a short scene where he feels bad about not being able to make eye contract with people, before going back to the Kingdom War Drama.

I just want to use my stories as a way to educate people about disabilities and make people go "Hey, that character is like me!" or to make people think about their actions, like having a character complain about people staring at their scar/missing arm/etc. so maybe people will read it and go "Wow, I guess it IS rude when I don't mind my own business, from now on I won't stare at people."

Sorry if this got long and incomprehensible 😬

I guess the question is "How do I write about the struggles someone with a disability faces without coming across like I'm writing trauma porn or speaking over people" but I just have the Overexplain Everything So I'm Not Misunderstood Disorder™ lmao

I believe you have it right; the problem with many stories about disabilities written by non disabled authors often lies in when the story relies entirely on the disability.

It’s absolutely fine to write about the struggles a character faces — for an example with one of my disabilities, say a non-disabled author wrote about how a character kinda hates their chronic pain and wishes they didn’t have it. But otherwise there’s other stuff going on in the character’s life, like friends and family and hobbies, not just self-pity, and there’s other things going on in the plot, like maybe a mystery to solve or an Item to find or an adventure to go on or something.

That would be perfectly fine, and I’d love to read it actually, and really writing is kind of a balance of using what we know already and mixing it with things we haven’t experienced but have researched and/or thought about.

That’s how you show an authentic character with disabilities — they have struggles, things they can’t do or can’t do as well as others, but that’s not all there is to them. There’s things they enjoy doing, things they’re good at, people they spend time with and things they do.

Good intentions combined with research and knowledge (and good plots!) will make for good stories that feel authentic.

Hope this helps!

Mod Sparrow

Hey!

I think that there can be good stories that have disability/ableism as its primary focus, but they should be #OwnVoices (as in, made by people who experience said thing). That's largely because it often gets very specific and thus easy to misrepresent even if you have good intentions. Sometimes it can end up like "being disabled is so sad and everything is inaccessible, how tragic" and end up pitying the character - rather than actually sympathizing with them - just because that nuance is missing.

To use the same example as you did, "character complains about people staring at their scar sometimes" would be a completely normal way to include ableism as a part of life that does happen, while "character gets bullied for 300 pages for having a facial difference" would be in the torture porn category (when written by someone who doesn't have that experience).

I think that what Sparrow described is the best if you're not describing your own experiences. Including ableism as a thing that happens from time to time or as a tertiary focus is totally fine. That's how it is in real life - sometimes things do suck, but there's still a whole lot of other things that we do.

I think your desire to educate people is admirable, and it should be very much doable with the solutions you presented. Good luck writing,

mod Sasza

[nocturnesmoon]

Hello! I've been lurking on your blog for a little bit and I saw your vampire 141 reader and absolutely fell in LOVE, so I was wondering if youre at all able to write a similar prompt but with a Seraph(im) reader :D? If not, have a nice day and I hope you continue writing !!

Hi anon! I can certainly try, i hope this is what you meant by it, if not feel free to shoot in another request and i'd love to make more :)) Takes place in the same universe as this

How much trouble do you think you can get into for asking a few questions?

Just a few simple, seemingly innocent questions.

Apparently quite a lot, if you're the right (wrong) type of creature, born into the right (wrong) celestial plane, and in servitude to the right (wrong) god.

One would think that being among god’s favorites would be a blissful thing. Full of everything good in your servitude of the almighty. A seraph's magnitude of power, should bring glory and easy existence, right? A dream come true for some, more akin to a family nightmare in reality.

A court of angels built for hope and peace, to fight the forces of evil, but what about when the forces of evil are your fallen brothers and sisters? The same people who were once the closest to you, all thrown away the moment they did something they weren't supposed to.

One of those things being the creation of monsters that now live in shadows on the mortal realm. Incredible how one drop of divine intervention could create such interesting creatures, and how incredible it is how quickly humans could turn on them.

Humans, such beautifully contradicting creatures.

You had always loathed them to some extent, a result of your growing care for the named monsters of their world. You had always believed it would be possible for it all to coexist, but all the thinking got you was your other seraphim's voices calling you naive and too young.

You shut your mouth until you couldn't, you held it all back until it blew up in your face.

You had never expected to end up like any of the fallen, you had spent centuries fighting to protect the beloved humanity from evil things they couldn't comprehend. You'd never expect to be falling from the sky, into the earthly planes with your wings broken. All over a few questions that was too much.

When you reached the ground, you wept. The betrayal stung worse than your broken wings, you had been abandoned by the father, your brothers and sisters turned on you the moment you weren't useful. The hierarchy more than likely celebrating your demise if you knew them well enough, sadistic ones they are.

You ended up spending a long long time on earth, you had no way of switching to a different celestial plane, so you had to make do in the mortal world. Your god has abandoned you, yet part of your celestial power still remains.

Why you can't say, but you imagine there's still some use for you in this world. You can't decide whether it’s a relief or more angering. All of you have left is your six wings tied to your back, which two of them are broken, and half your divine power in your hand.

You do all you can think to do with it, seek out the creatures you were so desperately trying to defend. Perhaps they might be the only type to understand your strife, to show you a place in a world where you are everything different.

How wrong you could be.

You quickly start to doubt your own inhibitions, that these creatures might've been reasonable. Some of them could be, but in vicious groups they prove quite the threat even to others of their own species.

Forced on the run, while defending yourself against the creatures you had longed to meet. It wasn't exactly the time of your life you had hoped for. Nor was the group you'd meet soon after.

Going from place to place wasn't all the easy anymore, unable to fly you'd have to do most places on foot, while having to stay out of sight. Changing form with broken wings isn't the easiest thing in the world, so you would have to wait until they had healed up.

The first time they found you was in an open clearing in the forest, close to a pond they had to pass on their route during a mission. The 141 had been on the mission for a few days now, eliminating an important target, and now exhausted they've finally been able to go to the exfil point.

Soap is the first one that sees you, in the middle of the pack he stops up dead in his tracks causing Gaz to almost crash into him. Though before he could spout some kind of insult his way, Soap promptly shut him up by pointing in your direction. The entire group stops in shock as they take in your appearance.

You had placed yourself next to the pond, gently nursing your wings in hopes of them healing better soon. The mortal plane didn't exactly have the same rate of healing as it did in your old home. All you could do was wait, and keep the wing groomed and free of parasites.

Price is the first to realize what you were, the wings etched into your back should be enough of a sign but there are so few of your kind. He had heard about you both from old legends but also from newer times. Tales of fallen seraphim who still wanted to do good, they were often in some kind cooperation with human military, in the pursuit of the more vile monsters that are loose.

He orders his men to stay back as his mind works laps to decide on what to do. You haven't noticed them, he wonders why. He's never met any seraphim in person, but he's heard of their divine abilities, their senses being way beyond the ordinary, he'd thought you'd have an incredible awareness, it's not like they're hidden.

The possibility of you being a threat was still prominent, but something told him he didn't have to worry about that. So, he slowly starts to approach you, catching your attention once he starts speaking to you.

You're very clearly startled by them, upset that you let them sneak up on you even if unintentionally. Being confronted by humans so suddenly, wasn't something you had prepared for, and despite Price's calming voice trying to coax you, you still looked like a terrified sheep. A far cry from the warrior you could've been, had been.

Ghost watches with intent, thinking back to the one time he saw a seraph when he was a kid. It was an encounter nobody ever believed when he would tell the story, but to him it was very real. Your own existence in front of them only confirmed it.

While Price slowly coaxes you into a more receptible and relaxed state, Ghost informs the two sergeants on what type of being you were. Not many knew of the Seraphim's existence, especially the fallen ones that now roamed on earth. Normally they were all very hidden, taking on different forms and only showing their wings and glowing eyes when they needed to call on divine power.

You're not really sure why Price's wording works, but he manages to assure you that they don't mean you any harm. They all come up to you, questioning you, taking a look at your broken wing. You thought you'd hate the touch of a human, but you find it warm when Gaz gently holds your broken wing and assesses what could be done with it.

Soap is crouched in front of you, asking you insane questions about your background that you're reluctant to answer. All the while Price and Ghost stand a few meters away, discussing what to do with you and the mission. They hadn't expected to find anyone out here, but in your injured and confused state, they can't find it in their hearts to just leave you there.

You're confused with yourself, why you let them fuss over you, why you let them close, but you're even more upset at yourself for letting them take you with them. You should be angry at your own instincts for letting yourself be so easily coaxed into going with them. The promise of bettering your wing was an all too appealing prospect.

Ghost and Soap do the teamwork of helping you up, your exhausted state making them insist that you lean onto them. Price is much more practical on his questioning, a lot gentler in his tone as well. He sticks to the specifics, leaving your past to yourself and getting the information out of you that was needed now. You notice the way they glance at each other once you confirm you have nowhere to go.

They take you with them back to an exfil point, and then further back to a base they normally reside at. You're given quite a few stares as you walk between the four of them, and despite their stern glares and quips to get others to look away, it doesn't help much.

They get you inside and split up, Price going to file paperwork of both the mission and their new arrival. Sneakily filing you away as a kind of stray they picked up and intend to keep for the benefit of the mission. The easiest way to avoid any unwanted interventions from the higher ups at least for now while you get used to it all and they get more information out of you.

Meanwhile Ghost, Gaz and Soap get you settled into the base, getting you cleaned up and acquainted with your new surroundings. Gaz, ever fascinated with your wings, helps clean out the accumulating sweat and dirt that's etched itself into your pristine feathers.

Soap lends you some of his clothes, despite your clear displeasure for the odd clothing. It was something you had never had to concern yourself with before, and now you had to wear the itchy fabric all the time. A very quick cause for another meltdown they coax you through once they realized how much that part bothered you.

Ghost takes a look at your broken wings, fixing up something that could help stabilize it so it could start healing at a better rate. No matter how many times he told you to sit still you couldn't help but squirm as you felt his hands graze over your feathers. It wasn't normal for humans to be touching you so...intimately...it was something you'd have to get used to.

A few weeks pass, two broken wings healed, and you're still with them. You're slowly getting accustomed to their presence around you, their fuzzing, and inquiries, you almost dare admit that you like it, that you might like them.

Never in your life would you have expected to have to admit to yourself that you liked a group of humans beyond your divine contracts. Yet the way they see you and spend time with you, is something you find yourself holding precious to your heart.

Once you discover Soap's drawing habits you can't help but observe him whenever he does it. You find it fascinating the control he has over his hands and the brushstrokes against the fragile paper. He even starts teaching you some of your own, though you struggle with coming up what to draw. You end up drawing some of your seraphim brothers and sister from memory, which he takes great interest in.

Gaz ends up going with you when you go to fly again, the first time was a little bit of a disaster, you crashed straight down. Causing all four of them to worry about you, though luckily you didn't break anything this time. You weren't used to the soreness in your wings, nor the training you'd have to do to get back to your usual level of excellent flying.

Though when you do get it back, you're going out to fly every day. Gaz isn't exactly with you, but he observes you from the ground. You tried offering to show him what it's like, but he kindly declined, mumbling something about it reminding him too much of an unfortunate helicopter ride.

Time spent with Ghost is normally quiet activities that don't require a lot of talking, you enjoy the silent respite, being able to enjoy his company without a single word having to be shared. You often go to him when Soap and Gaz's spontaneous activities get too much, he quickly puts them down before dragging you to a quiet place to relax. Naps with him a top tier, even if you don't really need the sleep the same way he does.

Price will occasionally have you in his office, helping him with paperwork and research on monsters. He finds that you know a lot more than anyone else on probably the entire planet does. You explain their behaviors, their chances at rehabilitation and their threat levels. You admire him and his work, despite having an unfathomable number of years more to your name, his decisions are wise and calculated, he knows what he's doing.

Eventually you even come on missions with them, under great supervision at first, both to learn more about you and to keep a general eye on you. Though it’s a quick agreement between them all that you're an important asset. It's a lot easier to go monster hunting when you have a seraph that can quite literally put the fear of god into them.

Life with them is far from anything you could've expected, so different from your old life, but you find yourself enjoying your time. You're doing something worthwhile, and maybe the godly intervention you were so sure those monster's needed could still depend on you. Either way, you'd have a new group behind your back, one you could rely on more than any other type you'd seen in your divine existence.

I could see this developing into a lil AU of monsters and humans and other mythical things. Definitely getting the gears in my head stirring... I've also got some more ideas for the vampire reader, so watch out for that in the coming time once i get more time to write >:))

[adastraperfortuna]

Tears of the Kingdom; or, The Sequel to Breath of the Wild

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is one of the most focused and restrained AAA games that I've ever played. After Skyward Sword and Twilight Princess, two games that pushed the long-standing franchise formula to its breaking point, Hidemaro Fujibiyashi and his team set out to build a new Zelda identity from the ground up. With a clean slate, every feature that they added built towards the game's central themes - the majesty of nature, player freedom, and systemic play. If something wouldn't contribute to that, it often didn't end up in the game at all, leading to a lot of players complaining about Breath being threadbare, quiet, and streamlined.

I say all of that because its sequel, Tears of the Kingdom, is most decidedly none of those things. Tears is a game defined by its maximalism, taking more or less everything from Breath and tacking stuff onto it for six years. Where Breath had one map, Tears has three, and they did their absolute best to fill every square inch of the new and returning playable space to the brim with characters, quests, systems, caves, dungeons, easter eggs, and collectables. Tears is a game with seven currencies that you can trade in at five types of vendor for various rewards, and that's excluding the new upgrade systems for the new abilities that you can get from completing the new temples.

When I say that it took more or less everything from Breath of the Wild, though, I did mean it. While ostensibly a sequel, Tears functions as something much closer to a remake or reimagining in practice. The overall story structure is almost identical, down to the minutiae of which characters inherit which responsibilities from which champions/sages. The memory system for storytelling is retained, much to the detriment of the now-linear story that it's conveying. You're going to be revisiting the same towns, doing similar shrines to unlock similarly-adjacent waypoints, and restoring things to the status quo by the time you say your goodbyes.

I'm really not sure that those two goals - massively expanding a game while also being slavishly devoted to recreating it - can coexist.

Breath of the Wild wasn't an accident, and while there are things in Tears that I would port back to its predecessor if given the opportunity, taking a game defined by its minimalism and grafting three new games' worth of capital-c Content onto it is going to fundamentally change the nature of the beast. By giving the player all of these new abilities (primarily Ultrahand - check out Postscript 1), we're left with a game with even fewer true puzzles and navigational challenges than Breath, requiring the audience to play along and role-play as someone with fewer tools in their belt than they do to have fun. The looser, more character-focused storytelling that Breath used allowed the memory system to flourish with each scene comfortably making sense on its own, and with Tears's pivot to a more traditional plot it becomes possible for the player to ruin a reveal for themselves simply through bad luck.

More than that, though, Tears effectively completely eliminated Breath's exploration loop without anything waiting in the wings as a replacement. With vehicles and man-cannon towers that can take you more or less anywhere on the map, traversal has been turned into selecting a point and more or less airdropping directly to it. Maybe that was a necessary change - you can't explore the same map twice, after all. Unfortunately, with the new additions, caves and wells, only being visible from up-close (in comparison to the bright and beaconesque shrines and towers from Breath), exploration in Tears asks you to do more than exactly that, combing the map and checking every crevice and crevasse in a way that Breath only rewarded with Korok seeds and ambiance.

I'm leading with all of this negativity because this is what I was left stewing in after I gave up Tears of the Kingdom two dungeons in and a few weeks after its launch last year. For about six months, give or take a few twenty-minute play sessions to see if I was feeling it yet, I simply couldn't believe that this is what Nintendo had released as their sequel to my favorite game of all time. I was frustrated, disappointed, and hyper-critical. I enjoyed a lot about Tears, but the problems were so fresh and my expectations were so high that the flaws were all I could feel. I spent a lot of time hashing out how I felt online (see Postscript 2), and it well and truly astonished me to see how few people could sympathize. Were we even playing the same game?

As my return to Tears of the Kingdom a few weeks ago suggested, maybe we weren't.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is one of the most systemically generous and aesthetically luxurious AAA games that I've ever played. After Breath of the Wild, a game that felt in many ways like a blank slate for the future of a legendary franchise, Hidemaro Fujibiyashi and his team set out to rediscover and reintegrate the Zelda identity of old into this new format. With a great foundation, every feature they added could bring something new and unique to the table, providing such a wealth of options and experiences that no two players would've truly played the same game. And once I opened myself up to that, picking and choosing which parts of the game I wanted to play more judiciously and holding back from "optimal" play in lieu of finding the fun, the game blossomed for me in a million dazzling ways.

The scripted, authored material in Tears is some of the best work that a Zelda team has ever done, full stop. There are more quests that are more engaging than any of their equivalents in Breath, with every town now brimming with unique activities and fun overarching progressions both in and outside of the main quest line. So-called "Side Adventures" have you fighting off groups of monsters with roaming squadrons of soldiers, rebuilding towns, plunging into the darkest corners of the Depths in search of enemies from past games, and solving map-spanning puzzles in search of ancient wisdom. You can't throw a rock twelve feet in Hyrule without hitting an NPC with a minigame on deck, it seems, and almost all of them are a blast. Characters from Breath are given new life as leads in game-long side quests covering anything from construction to journalism, and the modes of gameplay that you're asked to engage with are diverse and fun, recontextualizing existing spaces in interesting ways.

Of course, the side material wasn't what drew me to the prior Zelda games (with the exception of Majora's Mask), and the main quest represents a bafflingly large step up from Breath of the Wild's. Each of the dungeon approach sequences is hours-long and absolutely jam-packed with memorable moments, providing a linear, focused progression that'll have you solving riddles, probing caves, and diving into storm heads. The dungeons themselves, while functionally similar to Breath's Divine Beasts, feel at once more unique and closer to the series's past by building out their own aesthetics. The bosses are more visually diverse and tactically demanding, and when you beat them you're rewarded with a fundamental shift to the area you're saving (with the exception of the Goron village, a part of the game that disappointed me enough to stop me playing for half a year). Even the approaches to the towns are reinvigorated, with interesting additions like an expanded extreme climate zone around the Gerudo Desert providing the kind of focused navigation challenges that only the Zora portion of Breath provided.

And this is all referring to the first dungeons you encounter, the stretch of the game that mirrors Breath so thoroughly that I genuinely found it concerning on my first go at it. What happens afterwards, from the "reveal" at Hyrule Castle to the moments that credits roll, is maybe my favorite sequence in Zelda history. It's deliriously smart, using the scope of the game's systems to deliver a part of the journey that feels epic, personal, global, and threatening. Their newfound freedom to create bespoke moments pays off in a finale so explosive that it's hard to believe it came from the studio that gave us Breath's Dark Beast Ganon fight, with everything from that last leap into the darkness on absolutely dripping with verve. And, my God, that last button prompt.

This is all accompanied, of course, by the best thing that a game could take from Breath of the Wild: its audiovisual presentation. While the primary overworld looks more or less like you'll remember it, the addition of the sky and Depths lets the team expand their palette to match. The sky reaches truly profound, sublime levels of beauty, while the Depths gets just about as close to horror as Zelda can handle - those two endpoints giving us something to fear and something to fight for, which in turn elevates the storytelling. The soundtrack pulls from a million influences to give us something new, but it isn't afraid to pull those old Zelda heartstrings when the time is right. One particular theme incorporation during a post-Spirit Temple cutscene had me hooting and hollering.

I do apologize if these last few paragraphs have felt closer to an exaltation than something meaningful and insightful - the best parts of this game just sort of did that to me. While Tears has problems, and I think they're worth examining, it also has a structure that lends itself to simply ignoring what you dislike and pursuing what you do. It took me approaching it from a completely different and unnatural angle to see that, though, and I'm hoping that the next Zelda is able to provide both the focus and bombast that only one of the last two excelled in. With this next blank slate, with this next fresh start - with a new map, a new style, and new ambitions - maybe they can combine the best of both worlds.

After Tears of the Kingdom came out, I found myself asking how my favorite game development team lost the magic touch and what it would take for me to get excited about their next project. The answer to that is in two parts: they didn't, and I already am.

Postscript 1: Ultrahand

Ultrahand doesn't have a place in the Zelda series. While it gives the player a lot of options, and I understand the fun that a lot of people had with it, it simultaneously breaks too many challenges and fails to introduce many more. The most interesting questions you can ask with Ultrahand are "how do you move this object" and "how do you climb over this thing", with the answer to both almost universally being "make something that can fly." While Ultrahand as-is is a technical marvel, you need to wilfully ignore most of its abilities if you want to have any fun with half of the game's puzzles, let alone traversal. It "fits" with Tears's everything-and-the-kitchen-sink vibe, but I had way more fun with the game when I refused to use it unless absolutely necessary, and I truly don't want to see it again.

Postscript 2: Apologies

In the half-year period where I was perpetually bummed about Tears of the Kingdom I let my disdain for it become a staple of my online personality. It dominated any conversation about the game that I joined, and I have the reasonable suspicion that I ruined at least a few good conversations with needless shit-flinging. To those of you that got hit by that: I apologize. The game kind of rules, actually. I was right about some things, wrong about others, but my face turn on this has well and truly wasted a lot of people's time. The least I could've done is waited until I beat it. I can't wait to intellectually learn this lesson and then never put it into practice. Oh, well.

Postscript 3: Cohost

This post is adapted from a post I made on my Cohost blog earlier this year. I will miss Cohost dearly, even if I wasn't tremendously active there.