#and this….open wound I guess of knowing what we lost and being unable to reconstruct it

[katabay]

lmao these are ocs I made wayyyy back in 2021 on a personal blog and I don’t think I ever posted them here, so I’ll do a quick recap!

the guy with the blue hair is marion. he hunts demons! baron is a librarian at a university only because everyone else who was actually qualified for the position died and he really just wants to go home and take a nap.

that’s about it! it was a story I started on because I wanted to draw cool outfits and big monsters after spending a weekend playing DMC5 during the lockdown, but recently it’s been getting some more serious depth as I build up the world.

the original desire to give everyone fun hair colors has remained the same tho, that’s not going to change no matter how serious this story does or does not get

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!

[bleedingcoffee42]

Absent- Part 33

Tracking tag

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Roy reached over and wrapped his hand around her clenched fist.  Hearing her distress, hearing her vehement questions made him realize she was still unsure about what had happened to her.  This hesitation wasn't just about finding the words to put in a report or protect him from statements that he could twist to feed his own self-loathing, this was genuinely about Riza not knowing what happened this morning.   It really was a dream, a dream she questioned ever aspect of even to the point of wondering if it really happened.   He wanted to support her through this and be the reassurance that she wasn't losing her mind.   “It's an alchemist's fairy tale, one that appears in most introduction to alchemy books, one you've probably read a few times and Henry had to as well.”

Riza wished she could feel that same confidence in herself that she had felt in that dream world, however speaking about it all made her scrutinize every word.    Living in the moment, riding the adrenaline and powering through the unknown, was easy in a dream where she knew things were not right.  Here, in reality, she was scared of the consequences of her words.   One misstep could wound a man she loved and reduce her faith in herself to distinguish between truth and imagination.  

Roy continued, seeing that his participation in this was needed, seeing that his contributions could help her in some way.  “The story goes that there was a archaeological dig at Xerxes back in the 1870s and they discovered a tablet with an inscription on it that read “descend into the dark abyss for the elixir of life”.   And being that 'Elixir of life' was what some of the ancient cultures called the philosopher's stone, the ruins were almost instantly overrun with everyone from alchemists to treasure hunters all looking for what they thought would be the long sought after mythical prize.”

Riza remembered this now.  It was another story, like the Philosopher from the East, that alchemists considered a romantic history of their science.   She looked to Roy as he continued, his face saying that he believed in her and that he was here to help her believe in herself.  

“After damned near destroying the ruins, the original archaeologist finally unearthed a well at the location of his dig.   A well.   “  Roy said and squeezed her hand.   She took a deep breath, more confident in her experience now that she could place where this information came from.  “Water was the 'elixir of life' referenced, not the philosopher's stone, and the tablet was once part of the structure housing it.   Eventually they determined the phrase was about embracing fears and things not being what they seemed.  An ancient idiom for looking at both sides of a situation, because the darkness is cold and the epitome of fear but you trust and rely on the liquid in the bucket you pull up from the depths.   On the surface it is bright and warm and comfortable, but you'd die without the water from below.   Two contrasting locations can occupy the same space, just on different layers.   And the moral of the story to alchemists is about verifying the source of Truth before accepting it's context.”

Riza didn't remember it quite like that, but Roy was so much better with words than her Father.   He was also giving her something more, his own encouragement woven into the fabric of that simple little story.   “And Henry, he was so moved by this story to engrave it on his coin?”

“A little bit of flair.”  Roy said and took his hand back.  Then he watched hers turn over and open, revealing the coin in question.  He looked it over, then etched it out on his notebook.  “I think it also was a way to get some credibility for his work.   There is nothing quite like using some proverb in a dead language to make yourself look like an intellectual.”

She could hear Roy's hostility in the snide remarks.   “This alchemy worked.   I don't understand how you can still be doubting the man's ability.”

“Riza, true alchemy is about deconstruction and reconstruction.”  Roy said and finished his sketch, Riza turned the coin over so he could see the back.   “This was a weapon, destruction, disguised as a advancement for mental health of soldiers.   The odds of someone being able to come out of this were not very high.   His research was incomplete, he could active this transmutation circle and put the victim in a coma, however once the body reacted to the chemical manipulation the equation changed.   The elements were unknown, hell they were always unknown.  He had no idea what level of chemicals were in the subjects body to begin with, it was risking a persons life to even activate this.   That's not alchemy, that's flippantly gambling with someone's life.”

She nodded.   It made sense.   Alchemists knew mass, atomic weight, density, components of alloys, atmospheric concentration of gases....however the level of chemicals a body was producing at any given time was not quantitative.    

“He made it work, most of the time.   However he was unable to reverse it.  All this...shit on the back is just that.   He couldn't know measurable amounts of anything after the brain took over and tried to fix an imbalance.   This isn't a switch.   He had no way to undo this and if he tried he would more than likely have caused some chemical reaction in the brain that would have killed the test subject.”  Roy shook his head.   “He was relying on the subject to find their way out of this, knowing it was a dream.  If they refused to leave and embraced that fantasy than they were going to be lost.  That was the summation of his defense when I questioned him.   If he was trying to cure a soldier of reoccurring, debilitating nightmares, and they could not help themselves out of it....he wrote them off as a loss and then bragged about the State not having to pay for care for this individual any more.   That they were too damaged to be of use to the Military anymore, anyhow.”

She took a deep breath.   No wonder Roy took offense to Henry, no wonder he went after him with all the power he had.  

“So Riza, I don't want to rush you...but I have to know.  How did you get out of this?”  Roy asked.  

“I had help.” She admitted. “Everyone I met gave me so much information, some useful...some not.  In the end though, I believed I was capable of alchemy and I drew your array and manipulated oxygen concentration in order to force my body to react to the increase of oxygen.   Override what was happening in my mind by threatening my own life.   However, if I really did it....you would have felt it if you were holding me.”

He heard the sadness, she had truly believed herself capable and that seemed to be what upset her the most.  It tarnished her victory over this life-threatening alchemy.   “You'd need to be conscious to activate an array, the energy needed has to come from the physical form.    However I think you were right to believe in your ability, I always have known you could do it if you wanted to.”

“I'm not a little girl anymore, Roy. You don't have to tell me you believe in me because nobody else will.”

“Riza, look at the proof.” Roy said and pointed at the coin. “You conquered this.   This was not meant to be a maze with an exit and you made your own.”

“It was a dream that I believed was real.”

“It was a test that would have killed anyone else.”  He replied.   “And as soon as you are ready we are starting alchemy lessons.”

She rolled her eyes at that.  “I told you years ago that I have no patience for that.   Why spend years studying to start a fire when I could just strike a match and be done with it and spend my time getting real work done?”

“Well I made a promise to someone I love to not teach flame alchemy to anyone, so you're just going to have to come up with something else you want to do.”  He said and started to doodle a picture of her.  “You can have oxygen manipulation without the spark I guess....I mean you already take my breath away.”

He grinned and she couldn't help but smile at that.   She wanted to say something but then laughed a little and walked back over to take her seat on the couch.   How he always knew how to derail her bad trains of thought was unreal. “Let's get back to work, sir.”