#and this weird narrative where lesbians had it better

[tohabo]

Outside of the plagiarism James Somerton was just so shitty at making content, the little things he wrote where blatant lies and misinformation, most times it served as a way for him to create an alternative version of our history where gay men were the ones that suffered most, in fact his mentions of ace people read as him accepting them as long ad they stayed ont heir place as less important and less oppressed than gay men.

Not to mention those deeply pathetic rants about “white straight women” and the disgust he feels for them, the superiority he feels he deserves.

James somerton was a liar, a thief and a misogynist

[jungkoode]

𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐄 𝐔𝐏 | 17

˗ˏˋ reconnecting ˎˊ˗

"Fridays are not always the best day of the week, you can vouch for this one at least. It's Emma's birthday party and you're not sure you two still vibe together or not after all this time. And coming home... you don't expect Jungkook to be awake, especially not with your cold war going on. But he is."

next | index

⋆｡°✩ chapter details ✩°｡⋆

word count: 9,6k

content: begrudgingly gift-shopping, hidden treasures, old vs new friendships, reconnecting, pretty girls and the inability to discern whether it's flirting or polite talk, AM talks, actually listening (thank god, progress!), and vanilla kink striking again because jungkook in this fic has free will and i cannot control him

✧ author's note ✧

WASSSSSUPPPP my peoplessss!!

Okay so here’s Chapter 17—aka the chapter where all of you start collectively projecting your unresolved issues with your high school best friend, your fuckboy roommate, and your local pastel/goth lesbian duo. I say that with love.

Now LISTEN. I keep raising the bar for this story like but honestly?? That’s on YOU. You absolute feral gremlins with your “when’s the next update” comments like I’m a vending machine that dispenses emotional damage. (It’s fine. I thrive under fear and pressure. You’re welcome.)

About this chapter!! So my initial plan was for Nix to buy Jungkook an actual vinyl player… until I did the research and realized those bitches go for 150-300 bucks even secondhand. Be fr. They are NOT in a relationship. This man is her hot emotional disaster roommate who’s been beefing with her for three days and literally slammed a door at her. I would not spend a single euro on that man beyond what is legally required. Fifteen dollars for a John Mayer record? That’s the sweet spot. It says “I hate you but I know what music you like and I think about you when you’re not around and that makes me want to bite drywall.”

Also: if you know that Inside Wants Out is an early acoustic EP that’s kinda slept on but has a few gut-wrenching tracks about vulnerability and romantic ambivalence… well. Have fun.

Now shut up because I love writing female friendships and this chapter is my offering to the goddesses of sapphic chaos. Yeji and Irya being absolute queens??? We love. But also EMMA. Emma and that awkward tension of do we still fit? Did we ever really know each other or was it just proximity and hormones and being stuck in the same suburban hellscape? That shit is SO REAL. Reuniting with old friends is like a spiritual liminal space and I needed to capture that gnawing weirdness.

AND JIMIN. The eyeliner scene??? I almost CRIED writing it. I had to pause. That man is so soft it makes me want to shove him into a pillow fort and protect him from the world. He’s so good. He sees her, without wanting anything in return. You better analyze it or I’ll strangle every single one of you.

Now. Regarding the very tense bathroom cologne scene. I was actually going to drag the cold war out longer, truly. I had plans. But Jungkook opened his slutty little mouth and said, “No, actually, I’m feral and I’ve been suffering in silence and she smells like sex and nostalgia and I must act.” And what was I supposed to do? Argue? Please. I have 0 narrative agency here. That much is clear.

Also his birthday is coming. So like. I didn’t want to enter that subplot with them still fake-ignoring each other like divorced parents. You’re welcome.

ANYWAY. The next few chapters are slower paced but VERY important. It’s all those little moments where the characters start changing without realizing it. The kind of growth you only see in hindsight. The slow part of the slow burn. But I swear to god I’m obsessed with how it’s turning out and I just want to share it with you and roll around in the angst like a dog in grass.

Okay that’s all. I love you. Go scream in the comments or eat drywall. Or both! <3 Mwah.

⋆｡°✩ read on✩°｡⋆

ao3

wattpad

Fridays aren't supposed to sneak up on you like a debt collector with something to prove.

Usually, you spend the whole week crawling toward Friday like it's an oasis in the desert of your existence. Monday is hell. Tuesday is hell's waiting room. Wednesday offers a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, the week won't actually kill you. Thursday is its own special brand of torture—so close to freedom you can taste it, but still trapped in the purgatory of obligation.

And then: Friday. 

Glorious, beautiful Friday.

Except this one. This one materialized out of nowhere, ambushing you with its presence and the sudden, horrifying realization that you have exactly zero hours to prepare for what's coming.

So here you are, somehow already standing in a flea market that smells like mothballs and questionable life choices, watching Yeji hold up a fishnet... something against her body while Irya coos over crystals that probably came from the dollar store.

"What do you think?" Yeji asks, draping the fishnet monstrosity over her shoulders. "Is it giving 'fashion-forward' or 'I found this in a dumpster'?"

"Definitely dumpster," you mutter, eyes scanning the crowded stalls without really seeing them. 

Because your mind? Your mind is elsewhere—specifically on the fact that you still need to find a birthday gift for your insufferable roommate.

Jungkook. 

Just thinking his name makes your jaw clench. 

It's been three days since your argument, and the apartment has been a cold war zone of pointed silences and aggressive door closing. 

He wants to be petty? Fine. You can be petty right back. Twice as petty, even. So you’re not talking to him either.

"Hello?” Yeji waves a hand in front of your face. "You've been staring at that old guy selling taxidermy squirrels for like, two minutes straight. Should I be concerned?"

You blink, refocusing. "What? No. I'm just... looking."

"For what exactly?" Irya appears at your side, a small purple crystal clutched in her palm. "You said you already got Emma's birthday present."

"Just browsing," you lie smoothly. "Flea markets are full of... treasures."

Yeji snorts. "Since when do you care about 'treasures'? Last time I dragged you to a vintage store, you said it smelled like 'dead people's closets.'"

“No I didn’t.”

"Right." Yeji doesn't look convinced, but she's already distracted by a display of chunky silver rings. "I'm gonna check these out. Meet you at the food trucks in twenty?"

You nod, grateful for the chance to browse alone. Not that you have any fucking clue what to get Jungkook. What do you buy for someone whose entire personality seems to be "brooding film student with inexplicably good taste in coffee"?

It is like an abandoned warehouse, this flea market—stalls crammed together in haphazard rows, hipsters and bargain hunters elbowing past each other, haggling over everything from antique doorknobs to hand-knitted beanies that look like they were made by someone's cat…

You wander aimlessly, passing stalls selling vintage cameras (too expensive), artisanal coffee beans (too obvious), and leather-bound journals (too pretentious, even for him). 

Nothing feels right. 

Not that it matters—it's just a stupid obligation gift. You shouldn't care this much.

But you do. And that's annoying as fuck.

Then, a rickety table stacked with milk crates catches your eye—or rather, the handwritten sign that reads "RECORDS $5-20" in faded Sharpie. 

The elderly man behind the table looks like he's been selling vinyl since before your parents were born, his weathered hands carefully flipping through a box as a customer asks about some obscure band.

You wait until they leave, then approach, trying to look like someone who actually knows something about records. The crates are dusty, disorganized, with no apparent system. Just hundreds of albums crammed together like sardines.

"Looking for anything specific?" the old man asks, voice gravelly from what you assume are decades of cigarettes.

"Just browsing," you say, already flipping through the nearest crate.

Most of the covers are faded, corners bent, some with water damage or mysterious stains you'd rather not identify. You recognize maybe one in ten artists—a lot of jazz, classic rock, some folk singers your dad probably listened to in college.

This is stupid. You don't know what you're looking for. Jungkook collects vinyl but doesn't even own a record player. What kind of pretentious bullshit is that? It's like buying books just to display them on a shelf without reading them.

You're about to give up when your fingers pause on a familiar name.

John Mayer.

The album cover is slightly worn at the edges, but otherwise in decent condition. 

"Inside Wants Out," it says in simple white letters against the picture of a dude (you guess it’s John) in the background. 

You don’t recognize it at all.

But Jungkook listens to him. His vynil collection is basically a shrine to him. 

So you ask "how much?", holding up the record.

The old man squints. "Fifteen."

Fifteen bucks. Okay, that’s... actually reasonable. Not so expensive that it seems like you care, but not so cheap that it looks like an afterthought. 

Just a casual, "hey, saw this and thought of your weird vinyl collection" kind of gift.

Perfect.

"I'll take it," you say, already digging in your bag for your wallet.

The man slides the record into a paper sleeve, takes your money, and hands you your change with a nod. 

Transaction complete. Gift acquired. Problem solved.

You tuck the record under your arm, feeling oddly satisfied despite yourself. It's just a record. Just a stupid birthday gift for your annoying roommate who thinks he knows everything about everyone, including your taste in men.

But as you weave through the crowd toward the food trucks, you can't help but wonder if he'll like it. If his face will do that thing—that brief, unguarded thing where his eyes light up before he remembers he's supposed to be all cool and detached.

Not that you care. You're just fulfilling a social obligation. That's all.

That's absolutely all.

"Did you actually buy something?" Yeji asks when you reach her, eyeing the record under your arm. "Since when are you into vinyl?"

"Just decoration. For the vinyl wall.”

Irya peers at it. "John Mayer? Isn't he like, your dad's music?"

"He's not that old," you find yourself saying, then immediately wonder why you're defending John fucking Mayer of all people. "And anyway, it was cheap."

"Whatever you say." Yeji shrugs, then holds up a small paper bag. "I got those earrings we saw last week. The ones that look like little daggers."

"Nice," you nod, grateful for the subject change. "I'm starving. Can we get food now?"

As you follow them toward the food trucks, you resist the urge to check the record again, to make sure it's not too scratched or damaged. It doesn't matter. It's just a record. Just a gift.

Just something to cross off your to-do list before Emma's birthday tonight and Jungkook's surprise dinner tomorrow.

Nearing the trucks, suddenly everything smells good. Too good. The kind of good that makes decision-making a fucking nightmare.

You slow your steps, scanning the options.

One truck’s got sizzling skewers of grilled meat, charred at the edges, dripping onto soft pita. Another is doing fresh arepas, the scent of melted cheese thick and indulgent in the air. A few feet away, some guy with tattooed knuckles and an unreasonably aggressive beanie is ladling out steaming bowls of Vietnamese pho.

And then there’s the birria taco stand—because of course there is—and the line is criminally long, people clutching Styrofoam trays of consommé like their lives depend on it.

Your stomach rumbles.

By the time you settle on something—one of those ridiculous but beautiful smash burgers, glossy brioche bun soaking up all that greasy, caramelized goodness—you barely get your wallet out before Yeji hip-checks you out of the way.

“I pay, I pay, I pay,” she announces, tapping her phone against the card reader with swift finality.

You blink. “Okay, what?”

Yeji grins, entirely too pleased with herself. “Well, I’m obviously paying for my beautiful girlfriend, and I kinda figured I’d put you in the package deal.”

You snort, giving her a shove. “Fine. But beers later on me.”

“Deal,” she says easily, tossing the receipt onto the counter like a Wall Street exec closing a million-dollar deal.

Irya latches onto your arm, steering you out of the way so Yeji can continue flirting with the guy behind the counter—some blue-haired, too-many-rings kind of guy who’s already leaning into it, smirking as Yeji compliments his “artistry” with the grill.

“She’s ridiculous,” you mutter.

Irya hums, but there’s amusement in her eyes as she grabs your food, balancing her own order on top of yours. “Just my type of ridiculous.”

You shake your head, leading the way toward a set of old picnic tables at the edge of the food truck lot. The wood is worn, graffiti-scratched and dented from years of use, but it’s clean enough. You drop into a seat, setting your tray down, and Irya follows, sliding in across from you.

She sets her elbow on the table, chin resting lightly in her palm, and smiles. A lock of blonde hair falls loose, catching the light, and she tucks it back behind her ear absently.

“So, Emma’s birthday tonight?”

You unwrap your burger, glancing up at her. “Yeah.”

She studies you for a second, eyes warm. “Excited?”

You hesitate. 

“Yeah,” you say again, but it comes out different this time. Not untrue, exactly, but not as sure as it should be.

Irya notices. Tilts her head slightly, patient, the corners of her mouth tugging into something knowing. 

“You don’t have to be.”

A breath of something close to laughter slips out of you.

 “I mean, I am excited,” you say, because you are. “It’s just—it’s been a while. We used to be really close in high school, but then, you know… life.”

Irya nods, thumb idly tracing the grain of the table. “She’s in Columbia, right?”

“Yeah. I stayed in-state for a bit before moving here. Different cities, different schools, different everything.” You shrug, picking at the edge of the wax paper lining your tray. “We tried to keep in touch, but it’s not the same when you’re not living through the same things anymore. And then you just… don’t talk as much. And then that becomes normal.”

“And now?”

“Now she’s in the city, and I guess we’re both trying to reconnect.”

“That’s good,” Irya says, and she means it. “It’s nice when people want to find their way back to each other.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, glancing down at your food, pushing a fry through the puddle of ketchup on your tray. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Irya watches you, quiet for a second. Then—

“She’s inviting a lot of people, right?”

You nod, grateful for the slight shift in direction. “Yeah. Told me to bring people, too, so I figured you and Yeji. Maybe Jimin.”

“Jimin would love that.” Irya grins. “He’s been in study-group hell all week. He deserves some fun.”

“You think?” You manage to say whilst chewing on the potato. “I thought I wouldn’t be doing him any favors. Like, he’s the type of person to say yes just out of obligation. And I didn’t want to pressure him into anything.”

Irya makes a soft sound of amusement, propping her chin in her palm. “Nah. If Jimin really didn’t want to go, he’d find a way to say no without actually saying no.”

You pause mid-chew. “What does that mean?”

“It means he’d do that thing where he apologizes like, three different ways in the same sentence, but somehow, you still walk away not totally sure if he said yes or no.”

You snort, swallowing. “Okay, yeah. That sounds about right.”

Irya grins, poking at her fries. “And anyway, he actually likes going out. He just overthinks it first.”

“You say that like you’re sure.”

“I am sure,” she says breezily. “I have classes with him. I watch it happen in real time.”

“Real time?”

“Oh, yeah. Like, someone invites him somewhere, and you can see him start to spiral. Like, ‘Okay, but what if I go and I regret it? But what if I don’t go and I regret that instead? But what if I go, but it’s not fun? But what if I don’t go, and it was fun, and now I’m missing out?’” She mimics his voice, exaggerated and tragic, and you can’t help but laugh.

“Okay, but that is a valid crisis.”

“It is,” Irya agrees, laughing too. “But the point is, once he actually gets there, he has a good time.” She levels you with a look, half teasing, half expectant. “So invite him.”

You sigh, reaching for another fry. “Fine.”

And then—

“I got us free dumplings.”

Yeji appears out of nowhere, sliding into the seat next to Irya and dropping a white takeout box onto the table like she’s just secured a goddamn business deal.

You blink. “How?”

She shrugs, already reaching for a dumpling. “Wouldn’t take my money.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

Irya hums, all faux-innocent. “Didn’t happen to have anything to do with that very long, very intimate conversation you were having with the guy behind the counter, did it?”

Yeji smirks around a bite of dumpling. “I dunno. Did it?”

You snort, shaking your head. “Men and their non-existent gaydars.”

“Right? Kinda sucks when she grabs all their attention,” Irya smiles, reaching for a dumpling of her own.

“Not my fault he was easy to entertain,” Yeji says, looking entirely unbothered. “Anyway, eat. They’re fresh.”

You don’t argue. The dumplings are good—warm, crisp at the edges, the filling rich with just the right balance of spice.

Yeji watches you for a second, chewing thoughtfully. “So what were we talking about?”

“Jimin,” Irya supplies.

Yeji groans. “Ugh. Tragic little academic. Is he still alive?”

Irya nods, popping a dumpling into her mouth. “Barely. But we’re dragging him to Emma’s party tonight, so he might actually remember what fun feels like.”

Yeji quirks an eyebrow, chewing slowly. “Emma?” She flicks a glance at you. “Your other friend? Birthday girl?”

You take a sip of your drink. “Mmhm.”

Yeji hums, tapping her chopsticks against the takeout box. “Bestie competition, then.”

You nearly choke. “Oh my god.”

Irya grins, delighted. “It is kind of serious. High school bestie versus new college besties.”

Yeji tilts her head, considering. “I don’t know, man. Legacy friends have an unfair advantage. History. Nostalgia.”

“Yeah,” Irya sighs, fake mournful. “How can we ever compete with the memories?”

You level them both with a flat look. “You’ve known me for a month.”

Yeji leans back. “It’s been a whole month already? Woah.”

“We’re joking. I’m sure we’ll get along.” Irya adds.

You snort, shaking your head.

Yeji watches you for a second, still smirking, but then the expression shifts—just a little. 

“Are you excited?”

The question catches you off guard. Not because it’s unexpected, but because it’s… genuine.

You pause, setting down your cup. 

“Yeah,” you say, slower this time. “I mean, I haven’t seen her in a while, so it’ll be—nice. A little weird, maybe. But nice.”

Yeji nods. “You gonna introduce us?”

You blink. “Uh. Yeah?”

Irya arches her eyebrows. “Yeah?”

You groan. “Oh my god, what is that supposed to mean?”

Yeji shrugs, reaching for another dumpling. “I mean, if she’s bestie material, we gotta vet her.”

“Shouldn’t she be the one vetting you two? She’s known me since I had braces and a regrettable side bang phase. Feels like she’s got seniority here.”

Yeji gasps. “Wow. So you’re saying we have no authority in this situation?”

“We really don’t.” Irya muses, almost singsonging.

“I don’t know,” Yeji muses, tapping a finger against her chin. “I feel like we bring some very important qualifications to the table. For example, we met Y/N when she was already in her fully realized, evolved form. We didn’t just settle for her because we grew up in the same town.”

You roll your eyes. “Jesus.”

Yeji nods, completely serious. “Yeah, we got to make an informed choice. Handpicked, if you will.”

“Wow, lucky me.”

Irya grins. “So lucky.”

You shake your head, reaching for another fry. “Just… behave.”

“I always behave,” Yeji says, smirking. “You’re just afraid we’ll be better besties than Emma.”

You scoff. “That’s not even remotely the issue.”

“Then what is the issue?” Irya prompts, head tilting to the side.

You hesitate. Not because you don’t know, but because saying it out loud feels like giving it weight. Giving it power.

You exhale. “It’s just—there’s a difference between keeping in touch and actually knowing someone after years apart. And I guess I don’t know if we still… fit the way we used to.”

That quiets them for a beat.

Yeji tilts her head, watching you with something unreadable in her gaze. Irya rests her chin in her palm again, a small, knowing smile playing at her lips.

“That’s fair,” Irya says, voice softer this time. “It’s weird when people grow in different directions. Sometimes you come back together. Sometimes you don’t.”

You nod, not entirely trusting yourself to speak.

“But hey,” Yeji cuts in, voice as casual as ever, “if she sucks, at least you’ll have us.”

You huff a laugh. “So generous of you.”

She winks. “I know.”

And just like that, the weight on your chest feels a little lighter.

You stare at your reflection, one eye perfectly winged, the other a smudged disaster—like your life, really: half put together, half absolute chaos.

You lean closer to the mirror, squinting at your uneven eyeliner with the kind of intense focus that FBI agents would reserve for defusing bombs or something. You've been at this for twenty minutes now, and your right eye is starting to look like it's been drawn by a five-year-old with a crayon during an earthquake.

"Fuck," you mutter, reaching for a cotton swab. 

Third time's the charm, right? 

Or maybe fifth. 

You've lost count.

From the living room, Griffin's thunderous purr competes with Yeji's animated voice. She's been trying to convince Yoongi to produce some track for her for the past fifteen minutes, her persistence almost admirable if it weren't so clearly futile. Yoongi's monotone responses barely register over the distance, but you can picture his expression—bored, unbothered, probably wanting to kill himself before engaging.

"Orange cats are literally the basic bitches of the cat world," Yeji declares loudly enough for you to hear. "Black cats have personality. They have depth. They're mysterious."

"Tell that to Griffin," Irya responds, her voice warm and amused. "He seems pretty content being basic on your lap right now."

"That's cats for you," Yeji sighs dramatically. "The least person who wants them is the one who gets them."

You smile despite your eyeliner frustration. Because it’s ironic—Yeji, who swears black cats are superior, is now trapped under Griffin's substantial orange weight. 

That's karma, feline edition.

You’re wearing a dress to the gathering—the same one from that night in January. You've worn it exactly once since buying it, and now it's making its second appearance. 

It's not like you planned it this way. It just happened to be the perfect outfit for Emma's birthday dinner. 

(At least that's what you tell yourself as you deliberately avoid examining your motives too closely.)

Emma. Your high school friend. Your only real connection to your life before college. 

Before this apartment. 

Before Jungkook. 

You haven't seen her in months (since that night in January), and there's a strange anxiety bubbling in your stomach that has nothing to do with your makeup struggles. 

You did vibe back then. But… was it a ‘we vibe because we are going out’ situation; or was it because you two actually connected?

People change. You've changed. The question hanging in the air is whether you've changed in compatible ways.

At least you won't be alone tonight. Emma said you could bring friends, so naturally, you are bringing them along.

You dab at your eyeliner again, smudging it further. Great. Now you look like you've been punched. Or crying. Or both.

A soft knock on the door interrupts your silent self-criticism.

"Come in," you call, not bothering to hide your frustration. It's not like anyone in this apartment hasn't seen you in various states of disaster before.

The door creaks open, and Jimin's face appears in the gap, his expression shifting from curious to sympathetic as he takes in your makeup situation.

"Having trouble?" he asks, stepping into the small bathroom. 

The space immediately feels warmer with him in it. Jimin has that effect—like a human comfort blanket.

"What gave it away?" you deadpan, gesturing to your face. "The fact that I look like I let a toddler do my makeup, or the fact that I've been in here for half an hour?"

He laughs softly, the sound gentle and reassuring. "It's not that bad."

"Liar."

"Okay, it's a little uneven," he admits, moving closer to examine your handiwork. His eyes narrow slightly as he studies your face with unexpected intensity. "Let me."

Before you can respond, he's taking the eyeliner from your hand, his fingers brushing against yours in a brief moment of warmth.

"You know how to do this?" you ask, surprised.

"I have sisters," he says simply, which doesn't really answer your question, but you don't push it. "Close your eye," he instructs, his voice soft but confident.

You comply, feeling the gentle pressure of his hand steadying your face. His touch is light, precise—and you can’t help but feel this is some sort of significant moment. 

"Stay still," he murmurs, and you can sense the smile forming on his lips.

The eyeliner glides across your lid with surprising smoothness. One stroke, then another. No hesitation in his movement. You're impressed and a little confused by his skill, but mostly grateful.

"Where did you learn to—"

"Shh," he interrupts. "No talking or I'll mess up."

You fall silent, letting him work. There's something about Jimin that's always made you curious. He's like a book with half the pages glued together—what you can read is beautiful, but you sense there's more to the story.

"Done," he announces after a moment, stepping back to admire his work. "Take a look."

You turn to the mirror and blink in surprise. The wing is perfect—sharp enough to kill a man, as Yeji herself would say. It matches the other eye exactly, creating a symmetry you couldn't achieve on your own.

"Jimin, this is..." you trail off, turning to face him. "How are you so good at this?"

He shrugs, a small, almost shy grin playing at his lips. "I just have a steady hand, I guess."

There's more to it than that—you can tell by the way he avoids your eyes, the slight flush creeping up his neck. But something tells you not to press further. 

Everyone has their secrets.

Private pieces they're not ready to share. 

You, of all people, know that.

"Well, whatever the reason, thank you," you say sincerely. "You just saved me from looking like a hot mess at Emma's birthday."

"Happy to help," he replies, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. "You look beautiful."

The compliment is simple, genuine, without the weight of expectation or desire that usually accompanies such words from men. 

It's refreshing. Because you feel like Jimin sees you—really sees you—without wanting anything in return.

"We should probably get going soon," he says, glancing at his watch. "Yeji's been threatening to leave without us for the past ten minutes."

"As if she would," you scoff, reaching for your lipstick. "She's too excited about meeting Emma and judging her worthiness."

Jimin laughs. "True. Though I think she's more excited about the free food."

"Priorities," you agree with a smile.

You apply your lipstick—a muted berry shade that complements your eyeshadow without being too dramatic. The final touch to your appearance. Not too casual, not too glamorous. Perfect for a birthday dinner.

You've always loved makeup, the ritual of it, the transformation. 

Not because you're trying to hide or become someone else, but because it's an extension of yourself—another form of expression. 

You're so tired of those cliché "not like other girls" characters in movies and books who supposedly wear nothing but mascara yet somehow have flawless skin and perfect brows. 

As if enjoying makeup somehow makes you shallow or less authentic.

The truth is, most girls you know love makeup to some degree. Some for the artistry, some for the confidence boost, some just because it's fun. And you're no different. 

That doesn't make you basic or vain—it makes you human. 

A human who happens to enjoy the satisfying swipe of a good lipstick.

"Ready?" Jimin asks, holding the door open for you.

You take one last look at your reflection. The girl staring back looks put together, confident. 

Whether she actually feels that way is another story entirely, but hey—fake it till you make it, right?

"Ready," you confirm.

You're halfway out the door when you pause. 

Something's missing. The final touch.

"Oh, wait. Cologne."

Jimin nods understandingly, already retreating toward the living room. "Don't take too long or Yeji might actually follow through on her threats this time."

You turn back to the bathroom counter, sliding open the narrow drawer where your collection lives. Four different bottles stare back at you, each with its own personality, its own statement. Your fingers hover over them, indecisive, until they land on one particular bottle.

Amber, its color.

The golden liquid catches the bathroom light, glowing like trapped sunlight inside the crystal bottle. 

You haven't used it since... well, since that night in January. You've been saving it for special occasions, though what constitutes "special" has remained conveniently undefined.

You lift the bottle, turning it in your hand. You apply it to your wrists, your neck, your ears. And before you can overthink it, you bring it to your nose, inhaling lightly.

Memories unfurl instantly, blooming in your mind like clouds puffing up in a winter sky. They tumble through your consciousness, overwhelming and vivid, making it hard to breathe—though you're not entirely sure you want to.

His hands on your hips, fingers pressing into your skin with just enough pressure to leave phantom marks that lingered for days afterward. 

His slicked chin when he smiled up at you from between your thighs, all smug and proud for making you cum with his tongue. 

His infuriating, satisfied smirk that somehow annoyed you, but also turned you on.

Rosy cheeks and disheveled hair, soft eyes in the aftermath. 

You distinctly remember that was the first time you had thought Jungkook looked cute. Not just hot or sexy, but genuinely cute in a way that had caught you off guard.

And you didn't even know his name then.

The door swings open without warning.

You nearly drop the bottle, fumbling to catch it before it shatters against the tile floor. Your heart leaps into your throat as you look up, startled.

Jungkook peers inside, and you both freeze, staring at each other like you don’t know which one of you should stay and which one of you should leave. His eyes flick from your face to the bottle in your hand, recognition dawning in his expression.

A long pause.

Your eyes drift down his torso, inevitably.

He's wearing a black t-shirt that hugs his frame in all the right places, hair rumpled and messy. His rainy-like scent envelops the cramped space, mingling with the lingering notes of vanilla on your wrist like they’ve always belonged together. 

His eyes drift too. Drop lower, taking in the dress hugging your curves, fingers tightening on the doorframe, knuckles whitening with the pressure. 

You watch the subtle movement, the physical manifestation of restraint, and feel an answering tightness in your chest.

You haven't spoken since Tuesday. Since the fight about Jason. Since he suddenly starting talking about vibes like he’s the type of guy to trust his gut.

And maybe he is. 

And maybe you aren’t.

"Sorry," he says finally, breaking the silence. "Didn't know you were in here."

He avoids your gaze.

You don’t know if that makes you angry or anxious. It’s hard to determine what’s crippling your chest.

"It's fine. I was just leaving."

Neither of you moves.

His eyes drift to the cologne bottle again. Recognition, desire, frustration. 

Then, he masks it. 

But you caught it. 

He remembers the fragrance.

And how could he not? When he constantly praised it that night, how it rested on your skin, how good it made you smell, how fucking good you tasted.

"Going somewhere?" he asks then, interrupting your conflicting thoughts.

"Emma's birthday dinner," you reply, voice tight.

He nods slowly, gaze returning to the dress. The dress from that night. The dress he peeled off you with those same hands now gripping the doorframe like it's the only thing keeping him anchored.

You should move. You should cap the cologne, put it away, walk past him and join your friends who are waiting. You should maintain the cold war you've established since your fight.

Instead, you find yourself asking, "Did you need something?"

He purses his lips. "Just needed to pee.”

"Right," you say. "I'll get out of your way."

You cap the cologne, and you just know his eyes are tracking your every motion. Because that’s Jungkook for you—when he’s focused on something, it’s obvious.

You move toward the door—toward him—and it’s like suddenly, the small bathroom feels impossibly smaller. Like there’s not enough space for both of you and all the unspoken words crowding the air.

You'll have to squeeze past him. There's no way to avoid it.

His grip on the doorframe tightens further, as if he's holding himself back. From what, you're not entirely sure. Touching you? Yelling at you? Both seem equally possible.

"Excuse me," you murmur.

He steps back marginally, not enough to clear the path completely. 

Like he’s hesitating. 

Like he doesn’t know whether he wants to move for real, or stay rooted in place.

“Jungkook,” you say, and his name feels strange on your tongue after days of not speaking it. “Move.”

“You smell like that night,” he settles for staying instead of moving, voice dropping lower, annoyed. “You know that, right? You’re going to smell exactly like you did when I had you against that wall.”

Your breath catches. Heat blooms across your chest, up your neck.

“That’s not—” you start, but the lie dies on your lips. 

Because it is. Of course it is. You knew exactly what you were doing when you reached for that bottle.

You see his jaw work. His tongue peek against the inside of his cheek. His eyes lock into yours like he wants to say something else.

But he doesn’t. 

“Have fun at your dinner,” is all he comes up with, stepping aside. 

The movement feels like it costs him something.

You move past him. Take a deep breath, pushing thoughts of Jungkook aside. 

Tonight isn’t about him. It’s about Emma, about reconnecting with a part of your life that existed before this apartment, before him.

But as you step into the living room, you can still feel the weight of his gaze on your back, can still smell the amber scent on your skin, can still hear his voice in your ear.

You know that, right? You’re going to smell exactly like you did when I had you against that wall.

And the worst part is, you don’t know why or how—but maybe that’s exactly what you wanted.

The restaurant is too loud, too crowded, too New York—but Emma’s hug is warm, and that makes up for it.

“Finally.” She squeezes you tight, like she’s trying to merge your atoms together. “You took forever.”

Yeji, behind you, snorts. “Blame her eyeliner existential crisis.”

Emma pulls back, eyebrows raised. “Oh? We still doing that?”

“We are always doing that,” you deadpan.

She laughs—her laugh. It’s the same as it was in high school, loud and full, like she actually enjoys things instead of just tolerating them. That hasn’t changed. Neither has the way she looks at you, eyes scanning your face, taking you in like she’s checking if you’re still the same person too.

The answer? You don’t know.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you guys,” she says, looping an arm through yours.

You let yourself be pulled in—into the restaurant, into her world, into the crowd of fifteen fucking people all squeezed around a too-small table in the back corner. She moves through the chaos easily, hand on your wrist, steering you like she used to when you were seventeen and invincible.

“This is Yeji, Irya, and Jimin,” you say as you go, pointing them out like exhibits in a museum.

Emma grins at them, all effortless charm. “Your uni friends. I’ve heard so much.”

Jimin, ever polite, smiles back. “All good things, I hope.”

Emma does not confirm or deny, which says enough.

There’s a blur of names you won’t remember—Emma’s friends, classmates, people who probably have their lives together in a way you do not. Someone pulls her into another conversation, and you hover awkwardly at the edge of the group, watching her slip back into a world that isn’t yours.

It’s strange.

You used to know everything about her. Every inside joke, every dream, every late-night insecurity whispered over FaceTime. 

But now—now you’re an observer. 

A guest.

Still, when she sits, she grabs your wrist again and tugs you down next to her.

“So,” she starts, picking up her glass—red wine, something deep and rich. “Are you finally admitting that I was right, or are we still in the denial phase?”

You blink, thrown. “About what?”

She gives you a look. “Do I have to spell it out?”

Your stomach knots.

Jungkook. She means Jungkook.

You exhale through your nose, reaching for your water instead. “We are so not doing this here.”

Emma grins, but she lets it go—for now.

Instead, she leans back. “God, I forgot how exhausting socializing is. I swear, law school is turning me into one of those people who can only function in coffee shops and libraries.”

You snort. “You were already that person in high school.”

“True,” she concedes, tilting her glass toward you. “But now it’s worse. Now I actually enjoy tax law. Like, genuinely. It’s fascinating.”

You wrinkle your nose. “I refuse to believe that.”

“Swear on my life,” she says, amused. “You should see me in my internship. I get excited about deductions. I have a favorite tax loophole.”

“That’s disgusting.”

Emma just grins. “Give it time. One day, you’ll come to me, desperate for tax advice, and I’ll be your only hope. And I will lord it over you.”

“You wish.”

“Oh, I know.”

You roll your eyes but can’t help the way your lips twitch. It’s easy, falling into conversation with Emma. Easier than you thought it would be, considering how much has changed since high school.

“So, what’s the plan then?” you ask, nudging your knee against hers under the table. “You still set on Seattle after graduation?”

Emma hesitates. Not in a bad way—more like she’s holding onto something, waiting for the right moment.

“Actually,” she says, twirling the stem of her glass between her fingers. “I’ve been thinking about Europe.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Europe?”

“Yeah.” She leans forward slightly, eyes lighting up. “I did a summer program there—France, Italy, Greece, Spain. It was insane. I loved it. I don’t know, I just—” She exhales, shaking her head like she can’t quite put it into words. “Seattle was always the safe plan, you know? The practical one. But now? I keep thinking about the Mediterranean coast. The markets, the people. It feels like people there work to live, not live to work like they do here in America.”

You watch her carefully. Emma has always been a planner, a strategist. She doesn’t make decisions lightly.

And yet—she looks alive talking about this.

“So, what?” you ask. “You’re gonna become a tax attorney in Greece? Help rich expats avoid paying their fair share?”

Emma snorts. “God, no. If I go, I’d probably work with international firms, corporate law, maybe even consulting. It’s different over there, you know? Taxes, policies, loopholes—everything shifts depending on the country, the treaties in place.”

“You realize you sound even worse now, right?”

“Shut up,” she laughs. “At least I’m passionate about something.”

You hum, thoughtful. “So, Europe.”

“Maybe,” she says. “Nothing’s set in stone yet.”

But you can tell, just from the way she says it, that it’s more than a maybe.

It’s funny. The last time you saw her, she was talking about Seattle like it was inevitable. Now she’s talking about the Mediterranean coast with the kind of quiet certainty that makes you think she’s already half there.

People change.

You’ve changed.

And yet, it feels like nothing between you two has changed at all. 

Emma eyes you for a long moment, then smirks. 

“Your turn.”

You blink. “What?”

“You’ve barely told me anything about your life,” she says. “How’s English? Still planning on breaking the hearts of young, impressionable students as a professor?”

“First of all, no. That is not the plan. And second—”

“You can’t tell me you don’t look the part,” she teases. “The eyeliner? The whole vibe? You’d have students falling in love with you instantly.”

“I hate you.”

She grins. “I missed you too.”

You feel it, then—the warmth of familiarity, of friendship. It settles in your chest, light and unburdened, and for the first time in a while, you think:

This is nice.

Even with the changes, even with the time apart, even with the half-truths lingering at the back of your throat—this is still Emma.

“Come on,” Emma nudges your arm, eyes gleaming. “Let me introduce you to my favorite tax nerds.”

You groan, but let her pull you toward the other end of the table. “If I die of boredom, I’m haunting you.”

“They’re fun,” she insists, dodging between chairs and half-full wine glasses. “For tax people, anyway.”

The group is mid-conversation when you arrive—something about offshore accounts, corporate loopholes, and why the ultra-wealthy pay less in taxes than you probably spend on coffee each year. (Fascinating.) Chris and Max, two guys who both look like they were born wearing pressed button-ups, are deep in debate, hands gesturing, voices overlapping.

But the girl sitting across from you—Nina—just listens, quiet, observant.

She clocks you the moment you sit down. And you clock her right back.

Dark brown skin, black curls tucked behind one ear, a delicate gold necklace resting just above the collar of an oversized sweater. The sleeves are pushed up to reveal slender wrists, and she has the kind of presence that doesn’t need to fill space to be felt. 

There’s something measured about her. Something thoughtful. Like she only speaks when there’s something worth saying.

She’s pretty.

Really pretty.

But it’s more than that. She’s composed in a way that makes you hyperaware of yourself—your posture, the way you’re holding your drink, the way she looks at you with a quiet, unreadable expression.

“Hi,” she says, voice smooth, accent lilting ever so slightly.

It’s just that—simple. Friendly. Maybe.

You clear your throat. “Hey.”

Emma gestures between you. “Nina, this is my friend from high school—the one I told you about?”

Nina hums like she remembers, tilting her head. “The one who thinks tax law is boring?”

You blink. “Emma told you that?”

“She warned me in advance,” Nina says, lips twitching. “Said you might try to stage an intervention.”

You shoot Emma a look, but she’s already sipping her wine, unbothered. 

“Well,” you say, turning back to Nina, “I was going to be polite about it, but now I feel like I have a responsibility.”

That gets a small smile out of her. Just a slight curve of the lips, like she’s amused but won’t give you the satisfaction of knowing just how much.

You don’t know why that makes you want to push, just a little.

“So,” you continue, tilting your head, “what is it, then? The thing about tax law that actually doesn’t put you to sleep?”

Nina considers this. Takes a slow sip of her drink. And when she speaks, it’s not rushed—it’s careful.

“It’s not about the numbers,” she says, setting her glass down. “Not really. It’s about human nature. About how people behave when they think no one is watching. Governments set up incentives, and people react accordingly. It’s a game of strategy. A reflection of what a society actually values, not just what it claims to.”

You weren’t expecting that answer.

Your fingers tighten slightly around your glass. “So, what—you think taxes are, like, a moral compass?”

Nina shrugs. “Not a moral compass. But they show you what people are willing to bend the rules for. What they think is worth cheating for. And that’s… interesting, I think.”

You watch her, trying to get a read on her. She’s got this almost effortless kind of intrigue—the kind of person who could make anything sound poetic if she wanted to.

Emma groans. “Oh god, don’t encourage her. She’ll start talking about capital gains tax next.”

Nina lifts a brow. “It’s actually fascinating, if you—”

“Absolutely not,” Emma interrupts. “Nope. I refuse.”

You smirk. “I don’t know, Em. I kind of want to hear her out.”

Emma glares at you. “Do not encourage the tax philosophy.”

But Nina is looking at you again. Not in a dramatic way. Not in a way that screams I’m interested. But in a way that’s… present. Attentive. Like she actually finds this conversation worth having.

And maybe that means nothing.

Or maybe it does.

You’re not sure.

Which—God, why is this always harder with girls?

With guys, it’s obvious. But with girls—well. You think she’s enjoying this. But is she just enjoying it, or is there something else there? Is this just conversation, or is it something that, in hindsight, will feel like a moment?

You have no fucking idea.

The conversation shifts after that—Emma talks about her summer in Europe, Chris and Max start debating New York’s best pizza, someone brings up an upcoming bar crawl.

And then, at some point, Nina glances at her phone before looking at you again.

“You mind if I get your number?” she asks.

Casual. Easy. Nothing in her tone suggests it’s anything more than that.

“Emma talks about you a lot,” she adds, mouth twitching slightly. “I feel like I should probably fact-check at least half of it.”

Emma swats at her, but you barely register it, already pulling your phone out.

You’re not reading into it. You’re not.

But also—

You kind of are.

Still, you hand your phone over, watch as Nina types in her number, then passes it back. Just a name in your contacts now. Simple. Unassuming.

You have no idea if you just made a new friend or if this is something else.

And honestly?

You kind of like not knowing.

“Well, well, well,” Yeji drawls, sliding into the conversation without invitation. “Are we allowed to sit, or is this a tax-exclusive gathering?”

You exhale. “Jesus, Yeji.”

“What? We were getting bored.” She drops into the seat beside you, tossing an arm over Irya’s chair. “Jimin’s been overanalyzing the condensation on his glass for the past fifteen minutes, and Irya’s just been smiling at people like a lost pageant contestant.”

“I was being friendly,” Irya corrects, unfazed.

“You were being too friendly.”

“Networking,” Irya insists, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “I love people.”

“You do,” Emma says, delighted. “It’s terrifying.”

Irya beams, pleased. Yeji just sighs like she’s accepted her fate.

Nina watches all of this unfold with quiet amusement, her fingers tracing the rim of her glass. “You two are together?”

Yeji tilts her head. “That a problem?”

Nina meets her gaze evenly. “No. It’s nice.”

It’s a simple statement, but it rings genuine, like she’s not just saying it to be polite. Yeji studies her for a second longer before nodding, satisfied, and pulling Irya in to kiss her temple.

Emma turns to you, grinning. “Your friends are so much more fun than my law ones.”

You smirk. “That’s because they have souls.”

Chris, still lingering in the tax-law-heavy end of the table, lifts a hand in protest. “Hey.”

Yeji ignores him completely, waving to Nina instead. “So, you’re a tax philosopher?”

Nina looks faintly amused but nods. “That’s what they tell me.”

“Cool, cool,” Yeji muses, reaching for Irya’s wine and taking a sip before Irya can protest. “And do you also believe that money isn’t real?”

Nina tilts her head slightly, considering. “I think it’s real in the sense that it determines the way the world functions. But I also think it’s one of the biggest shared delusions humanity has ever committed to.”

Yeji brightens. “See? This is the tax conversation I want to be having.”

You roll your eyes, but Nina takes it in stride. She’s good at this, you notice—letting conversations unfold naturally, never forcing her presence but never fading into the background either.

Across from you, Jimin has settled into his usual quiet observation, sipping his drink slowly. He’s not uncomfortable, just taking it all in. He catches your eye at one point, a small look that says ‘you good?’

You nod, barely perceptible.

He doesn’t push. Just gives a small nod back and turns his attention back to the conversation. Just listening in.

Emma leans in slightly, nudging your arm. “I like them,” she murmurs.

You glance at her, raising a brow. “Yeah?”

She hums. “They make you lighter.”

It’s such an Emma thing to say—blunt in a way that doesn’t feel invasive, just observant. 

You don’t respond right away, but you don’t need to. 

She’s already grinning like she knows the answer.

The apartment is quiet when you finally get home, the only light coming from the TV screen where some game is paused. 

Jungkook is sprawled on the couch, controller resting loosely in his hands, looking like he's been there for hours. He glances up when the door closes behind you, expression neutral.

"It's late," he says, not quite a question.

You drop your keys in the bowl by the door. "Yeah."

"Had fun?" He unpauses the game, thumbs moving lazily over the controller buttons. His character on screen walks aimlessly into a wall.

"Yeah," you say, kicking off your heels with a sigh of relief. "Emma's friends are cool. We ended up at this bar in Brooklyn after dinner."

He makes a noncommittal sound, still not looking at you.

"Jason wasn't there, though, so don't worry," you add, unable to help yourself.

That gets his attention. His thumbs still, and he scoffs, a short, sharp sound in the quiet apartment. 

“You know I don't give a fuck about that guy, right?"

"Really?" You raise an eyebrow, heading to the kitchen for water. "Because you seemed to have very strong opinions about him on Tuesday."

The controller drops onto the couch as he turns to face you fully. 

“Look," he says, voice tight with frustration. "I don't give a fuck who you fuck or who you date. Seriously. Not my business."

"Yup. Three rules," you start, unscrewing the cap on your water bottle.

"One, no one knows," he recites, cutting you off.

"Two, if somebody asks, we're just roommates," you continue.

"And three," he interrupts again, more forcefully, "no feelings. I know the fucking rules, Phoenix. I helped make them."

You take a long drink of water, studying him over the bottle. His hair is messy in a stupid endearing way, and there are shadows under his eyes. 

"So what was Tuesday about, then?" you ask finally.

He exhales slowly, jaw working. "I told you. The guy gives me bad vibes."

"Bad vibes," you repeat flatly.

"Yeah. Bad fucking vibes." He rubs a hand over his face. "Look, I know how it sounded, okay? But it's not—" He stops, frustrated. "It's not about you. Or us. Or whatever the fuck we're doing."

You consider him for a moment, then set your water bottle down and cross to the couch, sitting on the opposite end. 

"Explain."

"What?"

"Explain these 'bad vibes.' Because from where I was sitting, it sounded irrational."

"It's not—" He stops again, shaking his head. "You know what? Forget it. Not my problem."

"Jungkook."

He looks at you, surprised by the use of his actual name.

"I'm trying to understand," you say, softer than you intended. "So explain it to me."

He studies you for a long moment, like he's trying to decide if you're serious. 

Finally, he sighs. "He's fake."

"Fake how?"

"The way he talks. The way he looks at you when you're not watching. The way he touched your arm in the car." His words come faster now. "The way he asked about your schedule, your classes. The way he positioned himself between us. It's all... calculated."

You frown. "That's a lot to read into a few interactions."

"I know what I saw," he insists. "Guys like that... they start small. Compliments. Attention. Making you feel special. Then it's suggestions about what you should wear. Who you should hang out with. What classes you should take."

His tone is raw, really raw, and you realize it’s the first time you’ve heard him talk like this. 

Like it’s personal.

“You're saying he's controlling."

"I'm saying he could be." He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up further. "Look, I've seen it before, okay? People who seem perfect on the surface but underneath they're just... manipulative. They make you think everything's your idea when really they're pulling all the strings."

You're quiet for a moment, processing. 

"This isn't just about Jason, is it?"

His eyes flick to yours, then away. 

"I told you. It's not about you or us."

"But it is about someone."

He doesn't answer, but his silence is confirmation enough.

"Mia?" you ask softly.

"I don't want to talk about her."

"Okay," you say, respecting the boundary even as curiosity burns through you. "But that's why you're worried about Jason? Because he reminds you of her?"

"Not of her specifically," he says after a pause. "Just... the type. The signs."

You pull your legs up onto the couch, turning to face him fully. "What signs?"

He looks at you for a long moment, like he's deciding how much to share. 

"The perfect act," he says finally. "The way everything seems rehearsed. The charm that never quite reaches their eyes." His voice drops lower. "The way they make you feel like you're the only person in the room, but it's not because they care about you. It's because they want something from you."

"And you think that's Jason?"

"I don't know," he admits. "Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there. But my gut says something's off with him."

You consider this. "Your gut's been wrong before."

A bitter smile twists his lips. "Yeah. More than once."

Silence stretches between you, but it’s not the uncomfortable kind. It’s like you’re both still processing the words exchanged.

"I'm still going on the date," you say finally.

He nods, looking away. "I know."

"But I'll... keep what you said in mind. Watch for the signs."

He glances back at you, surprise flickering across his face. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." You shrug, trying to keep it casual. "Contrary to what you might think, I don't actually enjoy being manipulated."

"Could've fooled me," he mutters, but there's no real heat behind it.

You kick his thigh lightly with your foot. "Asshole."

The corner of his mouth twitches upward. "Brat."

Silence again. His forearms are resting on his knees, hands crossed together as his gaze remains unfocused.

"So," he says eventually, "how was the birthday girl?"

You're surprised by the question, by his apparent interest in your life outside this apartment. 

"Good," you say. "Different, but good. She's in Economics. Has a serious boyfriend. Wears a lot of beige."

"Sounds thrilling."

You laugh despite yourself. "It was actually nice. Weird, but nice. Like visiting a place you used to live but don't anymore."

He nods, understanding in his eyes. "Did your new friends play nice with your old friend?"

"Yeji, Irya and Jimin?" You smile at the memory. "They were on their best behavior. Well, Yeji's version of best behavior, which means she only made three inappropriate jokes and only drank half the table's wine."

He snorts. "Sounds about right."

"Emma liked them, though. I think." You pause, considering. "It's strange, bringing different parts of your life together."

"I bet it is," he agrees quietly.

You look at him, really look at him, sitting there in the dim light of the TV. For once, there's no smirk on his face, no challenge in his eyes. Just Jungkook, tired and rumpled and unexpectedly honest.

"Why were you still up?" you ask suddenly.

The question catches him off guard. "What?"

"It's 3 AM. Why are you still awake?"

He shrugs, defensive again. "Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd play for a bit."

You glance at the TV screen where his character has been standing in the same spot for the past ten minutes. 

"Right."

"What?" he demands.

"Nothing," you say, but you can't help the small smile that forms. "Just... nothing."

He narrows his eyes at you, but doesn't press.

"I should get to bed," you say, standing up. "It's late."

He nods, picking up the controller again. "Yeah."

You're halfway to your room when his voice stops you.

"Phoenix?"

You turn back. "Yeah?"

He’s staring at you, but it’s not the usual smirk. No. 

His eyes flick downward. To the floor, like he’s seriously considering his next words—or rather, if he should vocalize them at all. 

But then he looks up at you again, seemingly decided.

"You..." he starts, licking his lips like he’s trying to pull himself together. But he’s failing. "You know you smell fucking delicious, right? Like, it’s so fucking unfair."

Your pulse stutters. "Excuse me?"

"The cologne," he says, standing up. "You’ve been driving me insane the whole night. The whole apartment smells like you.”

You blink at him, caught somewhere between disbelief and something hotter, heavier. "I didn’t wear it for you."

"No?” His lips twitch, almost a smile but not quite—like he knows exactly how full of shit you are. "The cologne from that night. The dress from that night. And I’m supposed to believe that’s just a coincidence?"

"It is," you snap back, defensive even as your pulse betrays you by speeding up.

He exhales sharply, shaking his head like he can’t believe what he’s hearing—or maybe just like he can’t believe you.

“Fuck, Phoenix," he mutters, voice dropping into something rougher, more dangerous. "Do you have any idea how good you smell? How much I’ve been thinking about getting my mouth on you again?"

Your breath catches somewhere in your throat—an audible hitch that makes his eyes darken further.

"We’re fighting," you remind him weakly.

"Are we?" He steps closer, until there’s barely a whisper of space between you. "Because right now all I can think about is how wet you were for me the first time I smelled that shit on your skin."

You retreat physically; even though mentally you’re honestly already naked for him.

"Four days," he muses, tone dripping with frustration, almost needy. "Four days of smelling your shampoo in the bathroom, that stupid body lotion, and now—now you pull this shit. That’s fucking cruel, Nix.”

"You could’ve apologized," you point out dryly.

"For what?" He scoffs like the idea itself is offensive. "For telling the truth? For saying Jason gives me bad vibes?"

"There it is again," you say, crossing your arms over your chest like it’ll protect you from whatever energy he’s radiating right now. 

It doesn’t.

He exhales softly, eyes flicking to your lips before moving back up. 

“I’m being for real, Phoenix. Your vanilla shit drives me nuts,” he confesses bluntly.

Then llicks his lips, considering what he’s about to say 

But says it anyways. 

“I jerked off after you left.”

Your mouth opens and closes like a fish gasping for air.

"Couldn’t help it," he continues. “The smell of your cologne... seeing you in that dress again... I couldn’t get the image out of my head."

"What image?"

"The first time," he says slowly, like he wants every word to sink into your skin and stay there forever. "In that room. The way you tasted... the sounds you made when I had my tongue inside you."

Your legs threaten mutiny.

"And now?" You force yourself to ask because silence feels dangerous—like it might give him permission to keep going without restraint.

"Now?" He repeats, almost hushed. "Now, I’m… really craving vanilla.”

You should walk away—should turn around and retreat into your room where things are safe and quiet and not vibrating with tension so thick it feels alive—but instead?

Instead, your feet betray you by staying planted firmly in place: "Eat some cookies.”

“I want to eat something else.”

“What if I don’t want you to?”

He purses his lips. Tongue drops to lick the lower one. Gaze flickers to your mouth again before they come back to your pupils.

“You don’t?”

And the way he exhales it, like the mere idea of you saying no pains him—it melts through you. 

Especially when his hand finally finds its way to your waist (warm and solid and grounding despite everything else about this moment feeling anything but grounded).

All thoughts of resistance evaporate faster than they came.

"I do," you hear yourself reply. 

And when his lips brush against the sensitive skin just below your jawline?

You realize two things simultaneously:

One: You were never going to walk away from this moment no matter how much logic tried to intervene earlier.

Two: Logic doesn’t stand a chance against lust when Jungkook looks at you like this.

goal: 400 notes

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© jungkoode 2025 no reposts, translations, or adaptations

[adorawasright]

ppl tend to act like you're exaggerating for disliking spop, since they love arguing "but it's a show about (romantic) love and redemption! you're just mad to see lesbians winning <3"

but the thing is, c//a ISN'T the only issue with spop.

it's all the "friendships" where the characters don't like each other OR WORSE, the "cool and popular" characters bully the ones that are "weird", "annoying" or "different" overall (read: entrapta and kyle).

most romantic relationships weren't written well or were downright forced, such as g/limbow, s/corfuma, and especially r/epkylonnie (rooted in bullying of all things!). even the healthier ships like s/pinnetossa or bow's dads were sidelined. they only gave spinnerella and netossa screentime in s5 bc they wanted to parallel them with adora and catra.

the diversity isn't even that good, honestly. the characters of color receive little to no love from the show and from the fandom. BOW, my god, he's not only the black best friend character, he also has no meaningful character arc. he's just there for the plot, he changes his personality and morals when the plot wants him to (especially to make catra look better). although glimmer was probably one of, if not THE best character in the show (saying this with s4 in mind), sadly s5 only shoved her with bow romantically since they were reduced to wingmen and not adora's actual best friends. and if i talk about the other characters of color, such as micah and castaspella, we'll be here all day, and i've written about it in other posts.

other than that, disabled characters (hordak and shadow weaver) are the villains, the canonical trans/non-binary character was deceiving the good guys by pretending to be a little girl, the themes of war were never taken srsly, only when it was convenient, and in the end the creator dared to sum everything up by "it's catra's and adora's show!!!".

yes, there were elements in spop that i loved, like the original best friends squad and entrapdak, and i liked the narrative of abuse when it DIDN'T spit on adora's face. i loved seeing her standing up to shadow weaver and catra for what she believed was right. like it was so inspiring! i would've loved this as a kid!

this show had so much potential but they teach the worst messages to kids, especially "they hit you because they secretly like you". that fucking sucks. i don't hate lgbtqiapn+ rep - the rep here is BAD. and again, the grievances ppl have with spop are BEYOND the romance!!!

[dapperapple]

Mike's crush on El does not necessarily contradict him being gay rather than bi

I wanna start off by clarifying that if you see Mike Wheeler as bisexual rather than gay, THAT'S 1000% VALID don't let anyone take that from you babe

this is just my perspective as a lesbian who thought she was definitely straight until the end of 10th grade (age 16, a bit older than Mike and Will are in canon)

I was rewatching a lot of scenes from the show, mainly s2 and s3, to see if I thought that Mike's feelings for El came across as weird/forced or if their relationship felt off

and honestly it left me (a Byler shipper) pretty confused at first

because YES there are a lot of odd things about his feelings and their relationship

BUT ALSO

there are a few moments that are so cute and feel so genuine I didn't know what to do with them for a sec

mainly all the scenes where they're together at the Snowball dance

because that shit seems real to me, it's cute as fuck, that is a Mileven win right there if there ever was one

and honestly, the forehead touch when she and the Byers are about to leave, and again when they reunite in s4

dude that shit is so sweet okay

(Mileven shippers are valid even if I disagree with it for the narrative)

ANYWAYS here's where my personal experience comes in to help out with my confusion over this

Mike in s1 feels the most obviously comp-het to me

because I had a big crush on a boy in kindergarten, another in gr2/3

I didn't even know what gay people were, I knew girls liked boys, so if a boy was my friendly, and nice to me instead of mean, I probably would've liked him or thought I liked him

Mike in seasons 2-4 reminds me of myself in gr7/8

the most intense crush I had on a guy was in gr7/8

I was more used to being friendly with guys at this point but this guy was becoming a close friend of mine

a cute confident guy who was nice, funny, and taking an active interest in me as a person was like wooaahh

I really do believe that Mike unintenionally idolized El, putting her up on this pedestal, with his self esteem all wrapped up in her liking him back

but I also don't think that's his fault, when you're young you don't know any better

the pressure to date starts to increase a bit, and low self esteem is kicking your ass

I did the exact same thing with the guy I liked, I had this whole other version of him in my head and I started liking him less and less the more he didn't act like that ideal

(insert Mike's behavior towards El after she assaulted Angela)

even after I figured out that the kind of person and the kind of connection I wanted in a relationship was something I was far more likely to find with a girl, I still thought I was straight, so it just made me kind of sad

like- I had resigned myself to the fact that I would struggle to find a guy that I TRULY liked

maybe it was lingering internalized homophobia, idk, I had lots of gay friends, but I just hadn't felt that way about any girl at all before, I didn't think I was capable of being attracted to girls

and then there was her

we became very close friends, she was such a kind person, so fucking funny, an incredibly skilled artist, and absolutely gorgeous

and it finally clicked

finally my mind registered the fact that I COULD be attracted to girls

I still consider her my first love

and then there was no turning back

WHICH IS WHY

I wouldn't be surprised AT ALL if it takes Will coming out to Mike/the party in order for him to consider Will romantically

not because he isn't already in love with him subconsciously

but because I don't think he has registered it as a possibility for EITHER of them

moral of the story:

COMPULSIVE HETEROSEXUALITY IS REAL GUYS AND IT CAN FEEL MORE REAL THAN YOU'D EXPECT

especially since when you're young, the differences between boys and girls (both physically and how we're socialized) are much less apparent

MIKE WHEELER I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE (because me too!!)

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 2

Propaganda Under Cut

Allura

Lots of people (myself included tbh) ship klance (Keith and Lance). In s8 the creators made Allura/Lance canon (but then they killed her off and left the ending ambiguous it was weird). Anyway the fandom treats her like she's the most terrible bitchy woman ever but all she wants to do is end the war and avenge her destroyed home planet. Yeah she wasn't always the nicest or always the best, but you could argue some other characters in the show aren't either and they aren't treated near as bad as allura. people really just hate her bc Lance liked her. I don't think allura/lance are good together, but I still liked her as a character and thought she was interesting and had a lot of growth during the show. she DEF is not evil like some people portray her as in fic or talk about her in captions on posts. I've seen people say that they HATE her and that she's the worst and I'm like ??? let her live (well sort of ig she is dead now). lots of fic writers use her as the villain which is so interesting to me bc the show literally has villains like use them. anyway allura so perfectly fits the bracket description she deserves better.

I hate to acknowledge my time in this fandom but I hate the way the fandom treated her more. Allura was treated like shit no matter what side of the Great Ship War you were on because she was always a threat to the biggest ships (klance and sheith). At best she got put into Background Lesbian or Consolation Prize Shallura (Space Mom-zoned) (She was not a motherly figure btw. She was just Black). At worst she was violently demonized for being ~racist~ (kinda not cool with the alien race that blew up her planet for a few episodes), complete with misogynistic language hurled at her (she got called a bitch sooo much). Allura was a good and cool character and the show did her dirty but the fandom was somehow worse.

i apologise for speaking the dark magicks, but amidst the voltron fandoms many, many transgressions, there were a particular subset of people who just hated this girl. the infamous klance wars of the 2010s kept this perfectly fine childrens cartoon character in the sights of shippers everywhere, and she (and her voice actress im sure) were subjected to years of petty squabble blown up to global perportions. ive seen hate, ive seen rants, ive seen fanfics that made her homophobic. girls been through the ringer, and even though voltron was never the show its fandom wanted it to be, i believe allura deserved better

Mary Morstan

a controversial one i know, but it’s tumblr. how could i not? anyway shoutout to the writers for CANONICALLY killing her off for the non-canon ship. she was so cool honestly poor girl

Oh god where do I start? Constantly being turned abusive? Killed off (in canon!)? Constantly being removed from fic? I cannot stand the way she's treated, but it's 100% impossible to find Johnlock fic without the "umsympathetic Mary Morstan" angle. It's infuriating!

The fandom insulted Mary at every conceivable turn, refused to acknowledge her narrative importance or impact on the other characters, called for her death repeatedly, and even SENT DEATH THREATS TO HER ACTRESS because she had the AUDACITY to be a morally gray female character who was married to John (they did not care about the moral grayness of the male characters, but she was irredeemable, apparently-presumably because she was a "threat" to the main fandom ship). And though she was definitely sacrificed on a SPECIFIC mlm ship altar, she was still tangentially victimized by OTHER mlm ships too! For example, this fandom was willing to make up a character WHO LITERALLY DID NOT ACTUALLY EXIST to ship with different male character (who was morally...way worse than she ever was), as well as create swathes of content about two men who had maybe one canon interaction in the whole show, before even thinking about the possibility of making content for this character or even just talking about her in a way that wasn't overtly misogynistic and degrading. When Mary died in-story (in what, in my opinion, was an unnecessary, bullshit way), her death was, to this fanbase, not actually about her and was just seen as "proof" that the two male leads would now get together (they didn't). And this STILL continues to this day. People reduce her to "selfish bitch," completely ignoring any of her complexity by claiming that she's incapable of caring about anyone (despite helping to save lives on more than one occasion, as well as dying in an act of sacrifice) and insisting that any of her positive qualities MUST be completely fabricated. I've seen a lot of female characters get mistreated by fandom for a mlm ship's sake, but I don't think I've EVER encountered an example as bad as this one.

[manygeese]

Part two to my playlist as Percy Jackson characters

PERCY JACKSON SHIPS AS SONGS FROM MY PLAYLIST

now with ratings! if you don’t agree, feel free to leave reasons that u do like the ship but please be civil abt it 👍 Warning i have not read all the books

these aren’t strictly canon guys and if u don’t like on of the ships ignore it and read the ones u do like :)

PERCABETH

PercyxAnnabeth. I can’t rate them anything but 10/10 I think because they are the foundation

“Stand By Me” by Ben E. King. Represents their loyalty to each other even as the world is going to hell :) “Nobody touches her” anyone?

FRAZEL

FrankxHazel. I think it’s cute but the age gap is weird but I like the devotion. Not my favorite but wholesome. 6.8/10?

“She’s Got a Way” by Billy Joel. Very wholesome, very pining-coded, very devoted. Reminds me of how Frank is over here like “I would kill myself for you” about Hazel in SoN

SOLANGELO

Will SolacexNico. I think it’s cute but I have not read the novel about them and have only read up to SoN bc my library doesn’t have MoA. 8/10, what I’ve seen in fanon is rlly cute

“Romeo’s Tune” by Steve Forbert. Very young love. Very frolicking in a grass field with my beloved.

JIPER

JasonxPiper. I don’t like it, it’s giving comphet. Literally built on a lie but they are besties. Romantic- 2/10. Platonic- 8/10.

“Our Last Summer” by ABBA. Again, young love, but more like a fling. Very reminiscent but also sweet. This is if I HAD to give them a romantic song.

VALGRACE

LeoxJason. I love it so much it is canon in my mind. The fanart for these silly little guys is so cute but also they are the next Romeo and Juliet. I look at them and I go “OOF” in a good way. 10/10

“Beyond the Sea” by Bobby Darin. They’re always waiting for the right time but it never comes 😔. Sorry in my mind they are happy and live in a cottage. This song is optimistic though!!! Don’t think about it too hard

PIPABETH

PiperxAnnabeth. I think it’s cute but I think I haven’t seen them enough to really think about them. VERY COOL THOUGH!!! 7/10.

“High on You” by Survivor. They lift each other up and make each other better! Also matches the energy I think they’d have- hardcore, like U-Haul lesbians hardcore

VALDANGELO

LeoxNico. I think it’s sweet. I see it as a “getting together romantically after years of friendship” thing. They’re very similar to each other and they’d definitely bond over their pasts! 8/10

“Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone. They back each other up and give each other unconditional love, help each other unlearn bad habits, help each be better and all that :)

JASICO

JasonxNico. Again, haven’t seen a lot of canon content about them but I do know Nico gets outed to Jason and I think they’d just be friends after that. Like I don’t think Nico would be 100% comfy in a romantic setting? Romantic- 5.9/10. Platonic- 8/10.

“Sleeping With the Television On” by Billy Joel. They’re unsure of themselves, too shy to make the first move on the other, etc. Pushing each other away and all that pining jazz.

JERCY

JasonxPercy. They’re bros. All the way. I could see how it could go from bros to boyfriends, but I’m stuck in the bro mindset. Romantic-8/10. They could have a lot of fun banter. Platonic-10/10.

“If It Wasn’t For The Nights” by ABBA. They need each other, but they get mad at each other a lot :( Narrative foils!!!!!

RUEGARD

Clarisse LaRuexSilena Beauregard. Tragic, the parallels to Patroclus and Achilles and PARALLELING! Amazing. Personally, I really like the poly ship where it’s Clarisse, Chris, Selena, and Beckendorf (cuz i love Beckendorf and I think they’d be a great support system for each other). By themselves, 9/10. Points deducted cuz they only really interact in TLO.

“Only the Good Die Young” by Billy Joel. The title should explain everything.

VALZHANG

LeoxFrank. In the same vein as Jercy because they’re bros. I think a poly relationship between Hazel, Leo, and Frank could be sweet too. But by themselves, romantically, 7/10. Platonic- 10/10, would shenanigan together.

“It’s Not Unusual” by Tom Jones. They both give off very “jealous of their partners” vibes. Also they like the dance.

Reblog with any other ships you like! I might do a part two :)

[gotta-pet-em-all]

Okay, so it seems like rotomblr broke… again? And I can’t see any of the past posts, so I guess I’m redoing our intro.

Hi, we’re the Fluffstep system! Collectively, all of us respond to Fluff online. If you don’t know who’s talking, chances are we don’t either. Dissociation is a bitch and we tend to be blurry anyways, we’re still figuring it out..

In rough order of appearance, here’s who we have!

Elle + Bryelle: Both of them have the body age and appearance, although Bryelle has longer hair and Elle likes the current length better. They share memories better than anyone in the system, so if you’ve talked to one, the other will remember what happened. We think they split initially from trauma, although we’re a mixed origin system. Bryelle helps us with organization and talking to people, and Elle is good at taking care of our pokemon and talking to the therapist. Bryelle is somewhat high strung, while Elle has defeatist tendencies. 

Firestar: Fictive from Warrior Skitty; he doesn’t front a whole lot but he’s great at emotional support and hyping us up. Also, he had a thing with Graystripe back home. Please do not approach us with Firestar ship discourse, this is what happened to him and he doesn’t want to engage in that. He’s post-canon, but with some divergences.

Linnea: We think she’s about eight or so; we’re not sure when she split but we were pretty young. She’s not great at emotional regulation, so please be extra kind when she’s in front. Linnea’s job is to monitor our body and make sure everything’s running smoothly. She’s a bit of a crybaby and has been trying to get us to buy her more plushies. Linnea, we love you but the bed isn’t big enough.

Max: She’s a walk-in, not positive when she showed up but she’s been blurry and has the worst dissociation. We’re trying to get her to front more, and she’s coming out more now that we’re out of Plasma. Cool lesbian who’s in her mid twenties, by our best guess. She’s the best at cooking and taking phone calls, but sucks at sending emails.

Dragonite: She showed up around puberty, and holds most of the deviance. We try to keep the blog safe for work, but Dragonite… if you are a minor, please block the tag #Dragonite speaks. We appreciate her doing the exploration for us, and breaking down some of the sexual shame we have! But she lacks restraint in many ways.

Zor: a zorua/zoroark shifter. We really don’t know where it came from or what it wants, and we’re still working on communication. Far as we can tell, they like raw meat and having messy hair. They probably won’t type anything. 

Snowkit: he’s still miffed that he never earned his warrior name; we suspect he might be a little younger than the body age. He escaped his narrative to haunt us specifically, and is the disability advocate for the body. He doesn’t front a lot due to sensory issues with sound, since he’s Deaf and the body being Hearing is weird. 

[ninja-muse]

As you can maybe tell by the three reviews I posted in July, it was a good reading month! Overall, at least. I still had a couple “this was fine” and one DNF, but there were a lot of hits and I read more books than I have the last few months.

So, highlights: The Hollow Places was fantastic, as was Bookshops and Bonedust but for very different reasons. If you’re worried that Baldree won’t be able to repeat the magic of Legends and Lattes, stop now. It was pure cozy delight. March’s End didn’t get a review simply because I already had three coming, but it was also very good. It examines family dynamics and the realities of a portal fantasy world in a very complex, adult way. The characters are believable if not necessarily likeable, the world-building is great, the writing is strong… all the things.

But between March’s End, The Hexologists, and The Hollow Places, I needed a lot of lighter books to balance, as you can probably tell by the rest of my list. I enjoyed pretty much everything! I’m just sorry I didn’t like the Sanderson more but I guess that’s a sign he isn’t an author for me since I didn’t like the last book of his I read either. I’m also a bit sorry I couldn’t get into The Atlas Six because so many people love it, but I dropped it in a Little Free Library and it got snapped up almost instantly so hopefully it’s found a better home.

So that was my unhaul of the month! I … did not do well with my book haul, or perhaps I did too well with it. The Odyssey and Thud were both damaged books that came in at work and I couldn’t say no. Thud has some wear to the cover; the Odyssey has some uncut and weirdly bound pages I’ll need to slice open. (Have I read and do I own other editions of both? Absolutely.) Love in the Time of Serial Killers was an unexpected rebound—I originally got it as a reading copy and passed it on to a coworker, who sent it back when she’d finished.

And then, well. There’s a new bookshop opening in my metro area. They’ve taken over from a used bookstore and have to sell off its stock before they can properly move in their own. I had to go help out, right? I couldn’t find anything in their SFF section I wanted but still left with three books: Gaudy Night, Evelina, and a collection of Molière. I went with friends, the same day we saw Barbie. ’Twas a very good day, all around.

And last but not least, I have started on one of those long, dense reads that will last ages. I’ve had Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century on my shelf for years and made it a goal to finally start it this year, since it’s totally up my alley but also huge and academic. There was a point in July where I didn’t want epic stories, light stories, or narrative non-fiction, so I figured that was as good a time to start it as any. I’ll probably read a section or two a month, whenever a similar mood hits.

And now without further ado, in order of enjoyment…

The Hollow Places - T. Kingfisher

Kara moves into her uncle’s museum of weird after her divorce, only to discover another universe behind a wall.

9/10

🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay), disabled secondary character

warning: body horror

Bookshops and Bonedust - Travis Baldree

Viv is recuperating from an injury in a sleepy town, where she finds a struggling bookshop, new friends, and a mystery. Out in November.

9/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (sapphic), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (sapphic)

March’s End - Daniel Polansky

The Harrows have been tasked for generations with protecting a fantastical other world, but now the family is fracturing and that could endanger everything.

8/10

major 🏳️‍🌈 character (lesbian), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (sapphic), African-American secondary character

warning: toxic family dynamics, commentary on colonialism

Imogen, Obviously - Becky Albertalli

Imogen puts the A in Ally and that’s fine. Then she visits her best friend in college and meets a girl….

8/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (bisexual), main character with anxiety, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (nonbinary, pan, lesbian, bisexual), Jewish secondary character, Brazilian-American secondary characters, secondary character with ADHD, Japanese secondary character, Black secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 author, #ownvoices

warning: biphobia, discourse

The Hexologists - Josiah Bancroft

The Wilbys get more than they bargained for when they’re hired to find a lost royal heir and stop the king from baking himself into a cake. Out in September.

7.5/10

possibly biracial main character

The Bookbinder - Pip Williams

When World War I pushes Peggy out of her routine, she’s forced to choose: a life binding the books of the Oxford Press or a life studying them?

8/10

major autistic secondary character, disabled secondary character

warning: war, injuries

The Nobleman’s Guide to Seducing a Scoundrel - KJ Charles

Rufus is the new Earl of Oxney, saddled with a crumbling estate and a bitter family. Desperate for a good secretary, he hires Luke—who has a hidden agenda which doesn’t involve tupping the boss. And yet. Out in September.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 main characters (demisexual-gay, gay), main character with dyslexia, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (gay), minor Black British character

warning: toxic family dynamics, abuse

Weird Rules to Follow - Kim Spencer

Mia starts to notice that she and her best friend are living very different lives, with very different expectations from the adults around them.

7/10

Ts’msyen protagonist, Mexican-Canadian secondary characters, Ts’msyen secondary characters, Gitxsan secondary character, Ts’msyen author, #ownvoices, 🇨🇦

warning: racism, alcohol abuse

A Man and His Cat, Vol. 3 - Umi Sakurai with Taylor Engel (translator)

Kanda begins to deal with his emotional baggage, with the help of his cat and a fellow teacher.

7/10

Japanese cast, Japanese author, #ownvoices

Bookshop Cinderella - Laura Lee Guhrke

Evie is quite content as a spinster with a bookshop. Duke Maximilian has wagered he can make her the diamond of the season. This is a strictly platonic alliance, of course.

6/10

The Frugal Wizard’s Handbook for Surviving Medieval England - Brandon Sanderson

An amnesiac man wakes up in a country that may or may not be Anglo-Saxon England with an exploded guidebook. Good thing he has ~*~Mystical~*~ ~*~Powers~*~™.

6.5/10

Persian secondary character, Chinese-American secondary character

Picture Books

The Skull - Jon Klassen

Otilla finds a large house in the woods inhabited by a talking skull, so she helps him in return for shelter.

🇨🇦

DNF

The Atlas Six - Olivie Blake

Six ambitious magicians compete for a coveted place at the Library of Alexandria.

🏳️‍🌈 main characters (multisexual); Black-British, Cuban, Japanese, and Persian main characters; Filipino-American author

Currently reading:

Kill Show - Daniel Sweren-Becker

A teen goes missing after running back to her school bus for a bag. Forget podcasts: time for the reality show! Out in October.

warning: missing child, murder

The Wager - David Grann

A secret mission in the Age of Sail. A shipwreck and a mutiny. The perils of the sea—and your fellow man.

Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts.

Stats

Monthly total: 11+1 Yearly total: 75/140 Queer books: 4 Authors of colour: 2 Books by women: 7 Authors outside the binary: 0 Canadian authors: 1 Off the TBR shelves: 1 Books hauled: 6 ARCs acquired: 4 ARCs unhauled: 6 DNFs: 1

January February March April May June

[wodania]

honestly no i don’t think it’s weird at all to be upset about the exclusion of satin in the show.. if anything though as a gay guy im pretty glad they didn’t have him if loras is any indicator.. imagine them with a fairly effeminate gay coded character? no thanks 🫣

Loras was a sign of the end times 😭 I think I’ve made a joke before that if JonCon had been included he probably would’ve been written like one of those modern family dads and I feel more and more right each passing day.

Gonna rant a little (a whole shit ton like it’s really long I’m so sorry I got carried away) about gender and sexuality in ASOIAF/GoT here because I’m a lesbian and obsessed with analyzing these things :

tldr; D&D set up gender roles/rules where there weren’t previously any, and removed and added character traits as they saw fit (especially looking at feminine = gay and masculine = straight). If a character did not fit their perceived mould, such as Qarl the Maid, Jon Connington, and Satin, and could not be altered to fit that perceived mould, they were cut entirely. They also, in a possible attempt to be more relatable to a gay audience, introduced systematic religious homophobia where it was not previously, brutalizing their gay character. They wrote them as stereotypes and ignored them if they could not possible be shaped into one of their stereotypes.

GRRM obviously plays with gender roles and dynamics with his characters, yet D&D makes it so black and white. Gay people are all effeminate men. Hell, even Asha/Yara falls into this. She and her lover Qarl are a major fuck you to westerosi gender roles and expectations. He’s an effeminate man and she’s a masculine woman in a dominate powerful position. Yet he’s removed from the show. Absolutely no hate to queer “Yara”, but it is interesting in hindsight how that ended up working out. Had she been written differently, I’d argue that bisexuality compliments her character - if it weren’t for the history D&D has. When they do play with gender roles, it’s so tacky and one dimensional and ends with weird, nonsensical scenarios of female badassery with none of the development present in the books. Then, on the other hand, any vulnerability or deviance from societal expectations that male characters experience are wiped clean. Jon Snow is made into a generic fantasy hero type. Men who are seen as “weaker” or more “submissive” are brutalized on screen as torture p/rn, as shown with Theon Greyjoy. And men who are gay must be effeminate or promiscuous in one way or another. Loras deviated from that, so he had to be stripped of his defining traits and turned into fan service. Satin deviated from that even more, being a sex worker, and was stripped from the show entirely. Loras didn’t sleep with men enough, and the show writers wanted to change that. But Satin slept with men too much, and was in too close of proximity narratively and physically to fantasy hero Jon Snow. They wanted gay sex depicted in an easily digestible way for their perceived cishet audience, and found the idea of a boy selling his body to survive abysmal and not appropriate for such an audience, though they had no problem exploiting female prostitutes for the pleasure of the viewers . And in a weird attempt to be “relatable” to modern audiences, d&d introduced a self imposed barrier: homosexuality being illegal. Likely thinking that gay audiences would love to see their favourite gay Loras Tyrell brutalized and spat upon, D&D did exactly that, failing to realize that gay audiences would much rather see a queer character existing in a dark fantasy without their sexuality being what puts them in danger, compared to seeing something they already witness every day (religious-motivated violence and persecution) thrown into the show. Like it’s such an insult to the source material, especially considering that the 1990s book that hardly makes explicit references to the relationship of Loras and Renly does a better job at making them likeable, well developed characters than the “modern” 2010s tv drama. The flower crown, rainbow, cutesy edits dating back to the early days of Game of Thrones is a far cry from the depiction of politically savvy Renly and brutal and bloody Loras in the books. And the show just kind of encouraged that view of the two, as the cutesy gay boy fan service, hairless as a newborn baby and scared of blood. On the topic of JonCon, it would have been near impossible to introduce him and have him fit this set rule of “effeminate men = gay” and “masculine men = heterosexual”. JonCon is an intimidating, stone faced character who’s demeanour is hinted at being similar to that of Tywin fucking Lannister, as Tyrion almost accidentally refers to Jon as “father”. Aka, Jon is scary af. He’s older, grey, potentially dated the ugliest man in Essos who was also significantly older than him, and is also a father. Hardly a character that can be put into the set limiting roles of the show.

I’m honestly going to stop myself right here this is getting too long and I should just sit down and write an essay 💀 like genuinely I should write a paper

[haze-of-hyperfixations]

Hi! 👋 Do you have any lgbt+ hcs for asoue or atwq? 🌈 :)

Hi! 👋

Thanks for the ask!! Here's some of my headcanons:

ASOUE:

Violet - bi. also i think it'd be funny if she had crushes on both Isadora and Quigley, and made some comment about "hey, maybe i have a type. or something." meanwhile her siblings are like. violet. they are identical.

Carmelita - aro. doesn't realize this until way after canon (assuming the entire unfortunate gen survives for the sake of both the post and my feelings) because she genuinely never considers that romantic attraction is like. a real thing. she thinks everyone's just being weird about dating because they're just weird like that. and she's totally better than them anyways, so she doesn't really give it any more thought for a while. she basically avoids the entire self-questioning stage like that, and it isn't until a while after canon, once she's kind of had a redemption arc and kind of formed some kind of connection with other characters, that she's just arguing with someone one day about something to do with romance, and the other character is like. uh. actually that's not universal and i think you might be aro. and she kind of has to process that for a few minutes. but she ends up basically going "oh, so it's not everyone? it's just me? that's awesome." also modern AU Carmelita would make those posts that are like, pink hearts and sparkly, elegant cursive saying stuff like "romance is dead and i killed it." (i just googled it, it's called aro lovecore.) anyways, post-canon aro Carmelita. :)

Isadora - trans girl. and she's unsure of her specific orientation, but knows she definitely likes girls.

Quigley - ace. questioning both gender and romantic orientation, but probably somewhere under the nonbinary umbrella. and possibly bi. listen just let the kid figure stuff out post-canon. where's that post that goes "i'm probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc about that right now". that's Quigley but the job is not dying and processing childhood trauma.

Sunny - post-canon, older Sunny also gets hit by the aro headcanon beam. i just think it'd be really neat.

not a lot of thoughts on the sugarbowl gen, except possibly pan Beatrice Baudelaire and aro Sally Sebald? idk, I think about the unfortunate gen a lot more, ha.

ATWQ:

Moxie - possibly arospec? okay, admittedly i just thought of this headcanon now. but arospec Moxie would add an interesting layer to her dynamic with Ellington and Lemony. especially if you interpret the Lemony/Ellington as onesided, with Lemony being the one with the romantic feelings. because like. platonic jealousy over your best friend's crush (who doesn't reciprocate, but maybe she does, but who even cares? not Moxie.) is an interesting dynamic. because Ellington Feint contrasts her in a thousand narrative, thematical ways that other people could write about better than me. but Lemony's also kind of infatuated with her, and she gets that slightly romanticized place in his narrative that Moxie doesn't. and of course that could lead to additional resentment. and some of it's jealousy, some of it's anxiety, some of it's frustration, but the whole thing could lead to really interesting internal conflict. especially after Lemony leaves, and the other kids have to figure out a new sense of normal after all that. idk. interesting thought.

Ellington - lesbian. also just thought of that one now, so idk. but i've been kind of on the fence for a while about the Lemony/Ellington thing and all it's ambiguity. my current headcanon is that it was onesided on Lemony's side, and that Ellington didn't have any romantic feelings for him. and i need to reread the books, i love them so much and it's been a little while, but yeah, Ellington being gay is a neat concept, i think.

in conclusion, i think basically all of these characters are Very Much Not Straight, but the ones listed were just the first ones i could think of!

thanks again for the ask!! have a great day, and happy pride month!! :)

[arwainian]

Reading This Week 2024 #26

blah (having a slow morning because i drank a lot of wine with a friend last night)

Finished:

the road to heaven, as paved by bad intentions by ineffmoth on ao3 i enjoyed this svsss porn-y modern au way more than i think i had any right to, but i think it was exactly the amount of Being Weird About It that I was seeking in my tag dive

A Transmigrator and a Time Traveler Walk Into the Bamboo House by VeryCharismaticDragon on ao3 as established in my notes last week, I think the first half of this is better than the second half, but I still had enough fun to finished it

"The Mermaid" by Kathleen Jowitt, narrated by Heather Rose Jones, aired on the Lesbian Historic Motif Podcast

"Talking to Ghosts" by Caitlin Flavell, narrated by Heather Rose Jones, aired on the Lesbian Historic Motif Podcast further historical lesbian short fiction that i get to listen to through a cool podcast I like. these little bites will simply keep showing up in my weekly recaps until I run out of backlog

"Historicizing Unreliable Narration: Unreliability and Cultural Discourse in Narrative Fiction" by Bruno Zerweck really interesting article about how "reliability" is culturally defined, and so the like label for a unreliable narrator comes out of differentiating it in a time where the narrator of a novel was not expected to be a character/expected to be objective, but now after like postmodernism took hold, "unreliability" in narration- ie. the representation of events within a text being from a particular perspective that lacks omniscient information and which is informed by the opinions of the protagonist, where we commonly understand that we likely wont get the full picture or a perfect recounting of events- is the norm

"The Empire Strikes Back: A Posttranssexual Manifesto" by Sandy Stone you saw me post an extended quotation from this, you know I liked it!

"The Rise of Fictionality" by Catherine Gallagher a good read in combination with the Zerweck article above, telling a history of the rise of novels as fiction: texts that are neither true histories, nor fully fanastical stories that aren't mean to be taken as truth, defining fiction in the novel sense as stories told to be realistic and believable, but which the reader is still not meant to be tricked into taking as fact

"The Right Language for Rape" by Nina Philadelphoff-Puren like a linguistic analysis of how victims of acquaintance/date rape defined their experiences in the moment and afterwards, coining the term "discourse maintenance" to describe the ways victims chose to act as if they were not about to be or being sexually assaulted in an attempt to resist the transformation of their situation from "bad date" into "sexual assault". i have a lot of notes on this one. i'm not sure i agree with some of the conclusions in its final paragraphs but the body of the text I think was really well argued/explained and gave me a lot of thoughts to work with, primarily the way testimony obliterates that transformation, reading the discourse of rape backwards over the original discourse of romance, rather than demonstrating the temporal shift between them. i'd recommend it?

Frequency by cryptocism on ao3 and now for something completely different! finally finished reading this longfic about comic book characters that I don't know much about, but that's okay because the end notes of every chapter literally cite every comic event that it is referencing and building the canon of this Inertia redemption arc around. it was very good

Started/Ongoing:

We Could Be So Good by Cat Sebastian this is All Vibes. not extremely compelling to me, but I do enjoy a Cat Sebastian romance so I am reading it at the pace that feels right for it, which isn't too fast

Reading Plans: pretty much the same plans as last week: articles, queer lit book club pick, stuff i need to grab from the library hold shelf in the next two days, etc but I'm also going to make an attempt to read through the fanfic tabs I have had open on my phone for way too long this week, which I already made some progress on with Frequency?

[drewzelle]

“nine mutuals you want to know better” tag game!

Tagged by @sarenhale ! I didn't have access to my computer the past couple days so I'm a bit late, but this was a lot of fun!! Thank you for the tag <3

Last Song: lately I've been relaxing to the Hollow Knight OST (City of Tears best track) but in terms of lyrical music, I recently rewatched the music video for "Little Dark Age" by MGMT because its vibes are fucking impeccable and mesmerizing (I can watch it on repeat for hours)

Favorite Color: purple is my go-to answer (especially blue-ish purples), but I also really love dark greens and desaturated earthy colors so much

Last Movie/TV Show: I feel like I haven't been watching movies lately (I'm more of a show person because I like longer form narratives) but I think the last one I watched was "Better Off Dead" while I was visiting my family for the holidays. It was a weird/surreal but good time! As for shows, I finally got around to watching Scavenger’s Reign!! Every aspect was just amazing, especially the worldbuilding and visuals. 2D animation is probably my favorite medium, so I'm really glad we're seeing more animation for adults that wants to tell a story instead of being a delivery device for lame sex jokes and cringe humor. OH ALSO DUNGEON MESHI!!! For a lot of the same reasons! Excited to watch the new episode tonight :>

Sweet / Spicy / Savory: I have a HUGE sweet tooth, so if I had to pick one, that would be it. Savory foods are great and I love them, I just have a leftover "now's your chance!" impulse from not being allowed much sugar as a kid that I can't seem to get rid of. I'm also weak to the "I deserve a lil treat" trap if I've got a bunch of sweet snacks around, so I have to be careful. As for spicy….I am SO completely unable to handle spicy food it’s almost funny, but really it’s just tragic because I LOVE cuisines known for being spicy, like mexican and thai. If I eat out, I always have to be like “can you please make it mild?” and even then, if it's not seasoned for the babiest of babies, my mouth will burn and my weak, white-person tummy will hurt.

Relationship Status: I keep forgetting I’m getting married in less than six months. My partner and I got engaged like two years ago and have lived together for almost five, so my brain just defaults to "there’s probably a guy nearby" and doesn’t think much deeper on it than that.

Last thing I googled: "morels" because I was discussing mushrooms with my friend and those are some cool lookin' guys! Shaggy ink caps too!

Current Obsession: …….One Piece 😅 I was a big fan as a teen but only got as far as the Skypiea arc before I fell off reading/watching it. The hype over the new live action version reminded me the series existed, so I’ve been not so slowly making my way through again, picking up where I left off. I love how absolutely bonkers, there-are-no-rules, anime-ass-anime it is, but also how genuine and heartfelt it can be. I also enjoy how character-driven so much of the plot is which works because of how interesting the characters are (Chopper, Robin, and Franky are my favs). I just got to the timeskip, so I’m maybe…halfway through? between this and BG3, RIP my free time lol

Last Book: I've been reading through Seiji Yoshida's "Houses with a Story" (slowly, because I want to really take it in and savor it) and it's been a delight. Very relaxing and inspiring :> (up next, I finally got copies of the Locked Tomb series, so soon I will be enjoying The Space Lesbians)

Looking forward to: Being able to organize and enjoy my "new" office space after some hectic days! My partner and I realized we barely spend any time in our bedroom except for sleeping, so we swapped my office into the bigger room in our apartment! There were some complications with getting the internet working on my PC, but we finally got it all smoothed out. Now I finally have all my books and sewing/crafting/creative stuff in one place without it feeling cramped or hiding things away in storage :>

Thank you again for the tag! I'm tagging @justagoos, @icicleteeth, @lunarliart, @saltsparkle, @fael-draws, @juliedillon, @ninamodaffari, @crabdominalpain, and the final slot for anyone else who wants to join in - but please don't feel obligated, this is just for fun! :>

[sprooknooky]

Irene and Wall for the character ask?

Thank you for the ask!! Two of my favorite guys ever!! This ended up being really long...

Irene:

favorite thing about them:

Just her <33 She’s like my favorite person. Sorry real life friends, Irene is my best friend and has been since I was twelve years old.

Really though, I actually enjoy her part of the story (ignoring the sequel). I love that she’s a weird old lady who invented dragon slayers and lives in a castle across the ocean from her daughter that she just assumes is dead. Fuckin amazing. She’s flirty. She’s really hot and she knows it. She’s traumatized as hell. Good for her.

least favorite thing about them:

This kinda goes for every woman in Fairy Tail, but I hate that she’s used for fanservice, especially in the sequel, but also how they changed some scenes in the anime to showcase her massive tits. Like really?? She’s better than this. Let her wear clothes. Please.

Also, I really love super overpowered characters, but for a lot of Irene’s attacks, pure plot armor was used to beat her. Like why is she able to summon a meteor? That part is so dumb. Just let her be an enchantress. It just feels weirdly inconsistent to show that she’s powerful. We already know she’s powerful. Whatever. I’m salty.

favorite line:

Irene says some absolutely batshit stuff but I may have to go with this one. I like how sarcastic it is. She’s such an asshole (affectionate).

Also fun fact: they forgot to color the collar of her top in this panel!

brOTP:

Irene and Bloodman!! I know they don’t interact at all in canon but I love that they’re on the same team during the war. It sparked something within me. They’re both super old and have to put up with Zeref’s bullshit and would bond over that. <3

OTP:

Irene x Anna! They’re old and traumatized and totally knew each other 400 years ago. Also, Irene is a lesbian so I like it a lot better than Irene x Zeref or Irene x Acnologia.

nOTP:

Ehhhh Irene x Acnologia gives me bad vibes… I understand the appeal I guess? She created dragon slayers to help the dragons and he became a dragon slayer and killed all of them. But MAN is it toxic. They both deserve better.

random headcanon:

I think I’ve said this one before but she watches so much shitty reality TV. Like the dating shows where people are on an island and have sex and there’s drama for no reason. She loves that stuff. She makes fun of it daily.

unpopular opinion:

She shouldn’t have been back in the sequel…. I love Irene. So much. But she really didn’t add anything meaningful and didn’t need the ending they gave her. It was just really dissatisfying in my opinion. I feel like a lot of people didn’t mind her being back, but it really doesn’t make sense.

song i associate with them:

Never Love an Anchor by the Crane Wives thanks to @pencilofawesomeness ‘s post here (it’s so cool!! I hope you don’t mind the tag)

favorite picture of them:

She is SO PRETTY but also so silly and I’m struggling to pick just one…

But probably this one :)

-

Wall:

favorite thing about them:

I love their silly little personality. I enjoy deranged little guys in general but I like that he has a weird lawyer thing going on. He says “indeed” a lot and stuff like “case dismissed” and it’s so funny. Their title is the adjudicator. Why is he a lawyer??? And the best part is he can rewrite his own personality. So he wrote himself to be this way. That’s amazing. Go little funky robot guy go!!

least favorite thing about them:

I feel like Wall was really doomed by the narrative. He should have had so much more screen time. He just has so much potential. Why introduce a species of robot people as well as alchemy just to kill the guy off? It just makes me sad because they’re so fun.

favorite line:

This is just so badass

brOTP:

Wall and Dimaria are menaces <3 I love that they tease each other in canon and they definitely spar in their free time. Everyone hates it when they’re together because they’ll just gang up on people and make fun of them. It’s great.

OTP:

I don’t think I ship Wall with anyone… they give me aroace vibes.

nOTp:

I think some people ship him with Neinhart? That’s kinda weird in my opinion. Don’t they hate each other? I dunno, it just feels wrong. Besides, Neinhart is too stupid to get any bitches. (Full offense to Neinhart.)

random headcanon:

He was broken out of jail by the empire and that’s why his outfit kinda looks like a prison jumpsuit.

unpopular opinion:

I don’t think I’ve seen enough people complaining about red lightning but it should not have killed Wall. Lightning is lightning regardless of color or strength or whatever. I would have much preferred Wall die by being outsmarted. I also really hate Laxus fighting Wall at all… I think it would have been so much cooler to give the Thunder Legion a better fight against them! Anyway, I don’t know how unpopular that is, but it’s all I have right now.

song i associate with them:

Hmm… I can’t really think of one right now. I’ll update this if I remember anything though.

favorite picture of them:

This one’s pretty rad :D (Or the one I used for his quote)

[yurisorcerer]

So, I've been sick the past couple days. This led to me watching the Code Geass compilation movies. I don't know, the brain works in mysterious ways.

God, Code Geass.

This was another one of those anime things that was just omnipresent for a while in the late '00s. I think it's held up a lot better than its one-time sort-of-rival Death Note, but that's a very low bar to clear (I do not like Death Note at all). Code Geass, or at least the refracted form of it presented here in these recap movies (and going off of my own memories of the original show), is a series I like but don't really....respect. I don't personally get that feeling super often, usually it's the other way around.

It's hard to pin exactly why that is. It's not the campiness---I love that stuff---and it's not the characters, most of whom I genuinely really like. I think it's down to the narrative and what comes out of that narrative. Code Geass' themes and *especially* its political ideas are very....haphazard? They're definitely there; the idea that power corrupts, the question of what it means to deceive, political ideas about war, genocide, colonialism, and so on, but they feel surprisingly incoherent for a show whose central premise builds off the fact that it's taking place in an occupied country. There's a very strong FEELING of there being a big struggle between ideas, but I think that feeling is mostly illusory. The show's characters end up being defined more by their personal connections. Even the proposed duality of Lelouch as the pragmatist and Suzaku as the idealist seems to exist mostly to be taken apart over the course of the story.

On the other hand, maybe that's a good thing? Maybe---intentionally or not---that's what we should be taking out of this, that big ideals tend to falter in the face of the much more immediate pull of the people we love and hate? I don't know, that feels like giving the series a pass in a way I'm not sure I'm totally onboard with.

I'm spending a lot of time criticizing it here, but I do actually like this series. I think for its faults it works really well on a moment to moment level and it hits just an absolute ton of my personal buttons; big mecha fights, rapidfire mind games, and a generally theatrical sense of characterization.

The movies also change a few things from the original series. Mostly these are for the better; Shirley survives the entirety of the recap films, for example, and the entirety of Mao's character and plotline are---thank fuck---ommitted. Some of them I don't really get; Nina is less driven by being a Crazy Lesbian TM which is a good thing for sure, but also the motivation that makes up for that (mostly just being a hysterical racist) clunks off the narrative in a really uncomfortable way, since the series doesn't really address it. Ech.

Also the pacing of the three films both individually and in aggregate is absolutely horrible, like, people complain about pacing in stuff *all the time* but this is some of the worst I've seen in a modern anime production. An advantage the original series had was that, for all its weird detours about, say, Kallen's mom being a fantasy-drug addict or whatever, you got to spend more actual *time* with the characters, so they felt a bit more fully realized. This is definitely a case where the recap films do expect you to be familiar with the original despite making some of those changes. Which is itself fair enough in of itself I suppose, they are called RECAP films after all, but it did make me cognizant of the fact that like, it mostly sort of smears over the reasons people got super attached to characters like (again) Kallen, or Jeremiah. They both get plenty of screentime in these movies and they're absolutely great in what time they do get (and this is the case for a number of other characters as well), but the sheer difference in how these things are structured vis a vis the original show does reveal a few shortcomings of the format. IDK, I feel like I'm writing in circles at this point and again am coming off as more critical than I want to be.

Let me talk about something I think really shines in the movies. You know who's great in these films? This fuckin guy.

Lelouch is, to me, a hysterical fucking character. Bundle of contradictions, impossibly cool loser, gay as hell but always ends up with a woman because Reasons. When I was a youngish teen and watched Code Geass for the first time I had zero idea who Char Aznable was, but, like, this is pretty uncontroversial, right? Lelouch Lamperouge is the millennial Char. He is our forefathers' accomplishments handed down to us as farce. I absolutely hate him, and I hate that I still think he's as super fucking cool as I did when I first watched this story at age 14. My favorite scene in all three movies combined was when he got stabbed in the heart and died, and many of the other scenes I really liked involved him doing something extra. I'm going to bet his death doesn't stick, given that the sequel film to this trilogy (which is an original story!) is called Lelouch of the Re;surrection. What is that semicolon doing there. I'm the last person on earth who should be talking about semicolon placement but come on.

Some other thoughts:

When I was in high school I got into an argument with a friend over whether Kallen's knightmare frame (god, the mecha are fucking called knightmare frames), the Guren, was the coolest giant robot of all time. I don't stand by that assertion itself, but I do think its big hand weapon the Wave Surger is one of the sickest fucking things in this or any mecha series

For being in large part about how colonialism sucks, this series sure isn't in a hurry to visit any part of the world that's actually affected strongly by it IRL, huh? I get that there are Watsonian reasons for this but c'mon.

Kallen and Lelouch's romance in this is even less convincing than it was in the original series which is honestly impressive

Opposite of the above, I find Lelouch / C.C. a little more believable this go-around. Not sure how much of that is it being meaningfully different here vs. me just changing as a person as I've gotten older vs. who knows what else

the entirety of the World of C stuff is still so fucking bizarre to me. it's been years and I still cannot figure out for the life of me why that was how they chose to resolve that whole thing. It feels deliberate, though, because it's not really altered in any major way here and Gorou Taniguchi did something similar in Back Arrow (it kind of fit better there because that show is just weird as hell to begin with, but still, the similarities are striking).

the battles in this are really grandiose and cool and carried the movies for me when the plot did not

I love Kallen so much you guys, you don't even understand

the above bullet point again but about C.C. this time

I miss the gratuitous Pizza Hut advertisements so much. I don't know why. The fact that I do feels like a sign that something is deeply wrong with me.

They cut The Table Scene. Because of Woke, I assume.

god this got long for me just basically being like "I like this but it has a lot of problems." Whatever, no one reads these LOL

[thedegu]

current TTRPG blorbo lineup:

Madea: no1 blorbo. (she/they/depends on what face she's wearing)A fiendish changling who was raised in a church (did not go well) has a totally normal relationship with the girl she was raised with and has very good coping mechanisms (this is sarcasm). Has so much fire magic and really can only cast fire magic. her highest stat is her charisma, which is 16, and her lowest is strength at 8. girl failure is doomed by the narrative and is just falling apart at the seams. the party thinks she's doing so much better than she actually is doing. Killed her shitty dad at least

Ale: aka Omolale a mausraman (human subrace homebrew) binder (dnd 3.5 class) (they/he/she/it). They're the old gods specialist little guy, but they really do not like being chosen for four different warring factions. They were put on this planet for a good time, not a long time, and are just baffled why so many people hold them up and say, "This is the dude (gender neutral) I want". Recently found out that they aren't even from the current universe they reside within and are just so in over their head when they want to just hang and get high and maybe smack some monsters for cash, but the multiverse seems to have other plans for them. Also, their name is a slur in their mother tongue, which is why they usually just go by Ale, they just think being called an alcoholic beverage is very funny: Ale's highest stat is strength at 20-24 (depending on what buffs they have active) and their lowest score is dex at 8. ale is a charisma caster.

Rossien: (he/him) an elf beaskin wizard from the ficcoria (basically the fairy country) who came from a lower-noble family and was blessed to be a beaskin, he looks like a large slender owl with humanoid proportions, and while his whole large family had a propensity for the magic he found his way to the wizarding arts. after an unknown force attacked his family so he found himself out on his own he tried to settle down and start over but failed to do so ending up divorced and back on the road for a few years. he is trying once again to get his life back in order by getting his education and ability to vote where he currently lives but due to ending up in an adventuring party it's not looking good on that front.

Ida: (she/her) a now retired adventurer (ie has turned into an NPC) human bloodhunter order of the lycan. the TL:DR for ida is she got bit by a werewolf that attacked her home. She went out for milk (a cure to her lycanthropy) for a decade. Decided that she had enough control over her power to go back home and is not back to being a lesbian housewife <3 also, she adopted like a half-dozen kids along the way (her adventuring party). she has a loving wife, a biological son whom she has a strained relationship with (see leaving for a decade), and an adopted tiefling son who she found on the side of the road and took home like a mangy dog.

Tyblin: the newest blorbo and is yet to be 100% fleshed out due to the game starting at level 1, and not yet even going. Tyblin Stonecutter (she/her) is a ranger drakewarden goblin. Due to a bout of Encephalitis when she was a wee bab she has nerve damage in her legs and lower spine, causing great difficulty and pain when she walks. her mom is excellent and made sure Tyblin did not die during this time and is trying her hardest as a single mom. Tyblin's father is a mystery Mamma Mia esc situation where Tyblin's mom was an adventurer for a brief time and had many relations with many strapping young men and women, so even she's unsure who Tyblin's other parent may have been. Anyway, Tyblin is going to get a weird dog who does not leave her alone, and also that dog is a nuclear warhead and one of the queen's swans. once she's settled into being an adventure she's going to love it but until that moment clicks she's so in over her head

Joan: (she/her) Technically an NPC, Joan is one of my favorites to run. she's 18, she's 50, she's a spoiled brat, she's seen the horrors of war, she's an atheist who works directly for a goddess, she hates adventurers, her brother was an adventurer, she's dead, her best friend is a dog, she kills undead for her job, and she's even asexual. every time she shows up and introduces herself as Graywinter the party and players are like, "holly shit your last name is GRAYWINTER like the BBEG?!" and every time, she's just like "This is why I hate adventurers

[paxesoterica]

I was feeling a bit under the weather earlier today, so since I needed to rest anyway, I decided to check out an anime film I'd learned about a month or two ago (light spoilers to follow).

I first heard about this film on Reddit, where some folks were (once again) making the argument that Witch from Mercury was going to end in tragedy because Ohkouchi had written Code Geass almost two decades ago (nevermind that there's an interview where it was plainly stated that he was hired for Witch due to his work on Princess Principal, or that neither The Tempest nor Revolutionary Girl Utena have tragic endings).

Fortunately, there are good Redditors, and one of them kindly posted a clip from a more recent film that Ohkouchi had done scriptwriting for, which depicted a heartwarming confession between two queer girls, as proof that, yes, the writer *can* write happy endings for lesbians without being weird about 'em.

So, yeah, that's the only thing I really knew about Seven Days War (dir. by Yuta Murano) before watching it. I would also note that some of the synopses of the film seem to have inaccuracies, one in particular labelling the film genre 'mystery' and talking about boys disappearing and being presumed kidnapped (neither of which actually apply to the film.

What 7DW *actually* is, is a coming-of-age story about rebelling against the authorities! Mamoru Suzuhara is a high school student with a passion for the history of war (mostly pre-20th century), but who feels frequently ignored by his peers, with the possible exception of his neighbor and childhood friend, Aya Chiyono (whom he has a secret crush on). When Aya's politician father informs her that their family will be moving to Tokyo a week before Aya's birthday, Mamoru proposes that they run away, so Aya invites some classmates, and they all illegally camp out in an abandoned mining factory, where they meet Marit, the child of illegal immigrants from Thailand, and run afoul of immigration officers before fending them off.

The next week, which features the main action of the film, has shades of Home Alone, wherein our band of teenagers use Mamoru's strategies (inspired by his love of war history) to drive off various officials who seek out both Marit and Aya.

There's a major scene towards the end of the film that reminds me of the better parts of The Breakfast Club (without, y'know, the sexism and the classism), where the kids confess various secrets they've been hiding, which includes the sapphic confession I mentioned earlier. I'm especially happy to say that their peers all act normal about it, and proceed to confess various things about themselves as well, before finally resolving the siege the various officials have laid against them.

It has a happy ending, though some might feel it's a bit too tidily resolved (not me, I was satisfied with the explanation received towards the end). I watched the dub, and it's perfectly fine, but there's some phone messages that are left untranslated, and while it didn't ruin anything for me, I suspect the sub would cover those and be a better viewing experience for most.

I would recommend this film; it won't rewrite your brain chemistry like, say, Adolescence of Utena, but it's got an enjoyable siege sequence, a solid anti-cop/pro-immigrant stance, canon lesbians who are treated respectfully by both the narrative and their peers, and a protagonist who gains the respect of his peers because of his niche interest, so what's not to like?