#and this stupid romanticization of it makes me so mad

[maul-of-shame]

Oh my god you’re out here acting like you’re some badass queen for having a horrible ship but you just sound like a middle aged bored mom who read a Colleen Hoover book and now makes it their entire personality because they’re bored. Also what’s with the big red letters? You don’t sound like a mean girl who’s making a point, you sound like a loser who’s in desperate need of a dose of reality.

Galadriel is like an older sister (or even a mother figure) to Elrond, which is why their relationship is so comforting. You trying to ruin that does make me upset cause I’m tired of people having no sense of media literacy. Not everything has to be shipped and definitely not something as dumb as this.

Also, fuck that stupid Sauron/Galadriel ship. It’s straight up people romanizing abuse and it’s disgusting. Canon!Galadriel would have never fallen for Hallbrand’s shit or Sauron’s charms and the way the Rings Of Power writers took a strong, mature female character and made her in to an immature schoolgirl (when she’s literally one of the oldest elves, older than Gil-Galad) is fucking stupid and actually misogynistic. I’m so tired of people taking strong female characters and watering them down to make them into a love interest for the villain or make her a cringy villain too. It’s dumb

So yeah, fuck Rings Of Power for destroying canon and destroying Galadriel’s character, fuck those Sauron/Galadriel shippers for being weird, and fuck you for taking a comforting, platonic relationship ship between two characters who have both been through a lot of shit and romanticizing it.

Also, fuck you for erasing Celebrian. I know you probably can’t comphrehend a female character being great without a sword in her hand so take that sword and shove it up your ass.

A word of advice, don’t touch the Lord Of The Rings when you clearly do not understand any of the characters, their relationships, or the meaning behind them. Just write your own book at this point with your own characters and leave the beautifully written stories of Tolkien alone.

Oh nooooooooo, did I offend you and your little Nazgûl toys? Did my horrifying act of (gasp) shipping two FICTIONAL characters make you sprint to the safety of the anonymous ask button, cloak fluttering dramatically behind you, so you could deliver this righteous tirade?🥺🥺🥺

Oh, how will I ever recover from being called a middle-aged Colleen Hoover mom by someone who’s clearly more pressed than the One Ring under Sauron’s hand? Truly, I’m shattered.🙄

Better a badass queen than some self-appointed Warden of the Fandom Wastes, skulking around like Gollum clutching your “precious” canon interpretations. Honestly, the only crown you’d ever wear is made of your own insecurities and bad takes, and even that sits crooked because it’s weighed down by all the irrelevant, unsolicited opinions you can’t stop flinging around. At least I’m out here enjoying myself—what’s your excuse?

You’ve got thoughts on the big red letters, do you? How utterly precious. Let me roll out the crimson carpet for you, since it seems they’ve left such a deep impression on your clearly delicate sensibilities. Here, let me give you more big red letters, because I wouldn’t want you to feel deprived of the melodramatic theater you seem so desperate for:

BIG. RED. LETTERS. JUST. FOR. YOU.!!!!

How’s that? Feeling better? Maybe this will soothe whatever irrational rage my formatting has triggered in that oh-so-fragile ego of yours. You’re acting like I personally painted the Eye of Sauron in your living room. Imagine being so pressed over font choices on the internet as well. It’s giving “I’m mad at PowerPoint for existing” energy, and frankly, it’s embarrassing.

You're embarassing yourself honey.

I wrote a reply, but I doubt you have the intelligence to understand it—or to hear it over the sound of your teeth grinding. Don’t worry, though! I hear Nazgûls get special dental benefits under Sauron’s health plan! Might want to book that appointment before the Mouth of Sauron starts mumbling your excuses for you!🦷🦷🦷

[TW: long salty rant]

First of all, if you’re so confident in your opinions, why are you skulking in my inbox as ANON, like Gollum trying to steal his precious back?

If you’re going to talk big about media literacy and "ruined characters," at least have the courage to do it without hiding behind the shadowy safety net of anonymity. You don’t sound like a defender of Tolkien’s legacy.

You sound like someone who got rejected by the Council of Elrond and has been bitter about it ever since.

Second, your entire rant reeks of irony. You complain about media literacy while writing paragraphs of projection, completely ignoring that this is fan content.

FAN. CONTENT.

You know, the space where people explore different interpretations and tell stories that resonate with them? Oh, but no! We must all bow to your singular, unyielding interpretation of Tolkien’s work, or else risk being smote upon the mountains of your judgment! Get over yourself. Seriously.

The best part? You’re mad about me "ruining" Galadriel and Elrond’s "comforting" dynamic by exploring a different take, but in the same breath, you’re tearing down Rings of Power Galadriel for being "immature" and "cringy." Sweetheart, pick a lane. You’re out here defending canon while also trashing it—what is this, the mental gymnastics World Championships? I have to say, your flexibility is impressive, careful of pulled muscles.

And so I have a sword up my what now?

Oh, my dear anonymous bard of bitterness, that’s quite the reach for someone who’s clearly got a scroll of the Silmarillion shoved so far up their ass that they probably recite Quenya conjugations in their sleep.

What’s next? Are you going to accuse me of erasing Melian because I didn’t write her into my Elrond and Galadriel fic either? Or maybe I’ll get yelled at for not including Bill the Pony in a Kingsman AU (he will be besties, don't worry)?

Let me make this very clear for you, Elvish Choir Master of Overreach, Herald of the Screeching Essay, Defender of the Lore That Nobody Asked You to Protect, Wielder of the All-Caps Argument, and Keeper of the Scroll That’s Shoved So Far Up Your Ass You Probably Quote “Ainulindalë” When Ordering Your Morning Coffee (truly, your titles grow longer than Treebeard’s introductions, yet none of them seem to include “Maker of a Valid Point.”!")-

Celebrian is not missing because I "don’t comprehend strong female characters without swords." She’s missing because, brace yourself, not every single piece of fanfiction has to feature every single character from Tolkien’s works.

Shocking, I know. Truly, I can hear the Valar themselves weeping at this revelation.

But here’s the thing: I’m not writing a Celebrian-centric fic. And you know what? That’s okay. You can unclench now.

Let’s really talk about your oh-so-bold suggestion to shove a sword somewhere for a sec. That’s your masterstroke? That’s the hill you’re dying on?

If we’re being honest, your insult is so dull it wouldn’t cut through soft butter on a sunny day, let alone make me flinch. Sting is officially handing in its resignation because it’s mortified to even share a sentence with you. You’re out here acting like you’ve got the sharpest blade in the Shire, but all I see is someone frantically flailing with a broken spoon.

And then there’s this laughable attempt at moral superiority. You’re swinging around words like you’re a defender of Middle-earth itself, valiantly protecting Tolkien’s legacy, when in reality, your argument is about as sturdy as a sandcastle at Helm’s Deep. You’re not a warrior—you’re the Mouth of Sauron after a bad day, spewing nonsense and hoping someone will think it’s profound. Newsflash: it’s not.

Let’s be clear: your little temper tantrum reeks of someone who just discovered the caps lock button, a bunch of adult words and decided to let it do all the heavy lifting.

I’ve seen hobbits throw better shade after three pints of ale.

You’re no mighty protector of canon—you’re just another basement-dwelling troll who thinks yelling loud enough will make people take you seriously.

And your sword suggestion? I’d recommend you point that creative energy inward, maybe use it to figure out how to construct an actual argument instead of regurgitating clichés you probably heard from your "leader" of choice in your private toxic fandom echo chamber. Don’t worry, though—I doubt you’ll hear any of this over the sound of your teeth grinding or the faint whistle of your Nazgûl screech echoing through your mom’s basement.

Maybe take a break, Denethor—chew on a tomato or two, cry into your cloak, and try again when you’ve leveled up from hobbit insult level: preschool.

Honestly, you’re not even mad about Celebrian being “erased.” You’re mad because I dared to write something that doesn’t align with your precious headcanons. And instead of just scrolling past, you decided to play Tolkienquisitor in my inbox, as if you’ve been personally tasked by Eru Ilúvatar to uphold canon.

I'm sorry (no) to break it to you but nobody crowned you King (or Queen) of Arda.

Not every single piece of fanfiction needs to involve every canon character just to meet your Tolkien purity test. If that’s a requirement, maybe you should write the fic. Oh wait....- you’re too busy spamming inboxes with this unhinged bullshit. My bad.

Here’s the thing, Bearer of Misplaced Rage: nobody asked for your unsolicited essay about the sanctity of Celebrian. But please, do continue climbing the Tower of Tolkien Purism like you’re on some holy quest. Maybe at the top, you’ll find the self-awareness you so desperately lack—or perhaps just a mirror to reflect your ridiculousness back at you.

You wanna talk about erasing characters? Fine.

Let’s talk about how you erased common decency, social awareness, and basic literacy by barging into my inbox with this drivel. The lorebros tirades and scroll-up-the-ass syndrome are bad enough, but now you’re out here flinging insults like “shove a sword up your ass” as if you just invented edgy. Sweetheart, that’s not edgy—that’s the kind of thing a D-list internet troll would type before running out of Wi-Fi.

So, let me leave you with this, oh Guardian of the Fanfic Gates: the next time you feel compelled to compose another Screed of the Self-Righteous, maybe take a moment to ask yourself, “Does this make me sound like a reasonable human being, or just a Balrog throwing a temper tantrum in a lava pit?” Because right now, I’d wager Smaug hoarding gold has more chill than you do.

And let’s not even start with your hilariously misplaced outrage about me shipping Elrond and Galadriel while we both apparently agree that Saurondriel is not our cup of tea. You’re yelling into the void about something I never even said or supported. Congratulations! You’ve officially argued against a strawman!

Here’s your Orcish participation trophy!

Thank you, Supreme Chancellor of Canon Policing, Overseer of the One True Interpretation, and Gatekeeper Extraordinaire of Tolkien’s Sacred Scrolls. I am truly humbled to be graced with your unsolicited advice, delivered with the self-importance of someone who thinks they’re the Mouth of Sauron but comes off more like Gollum arguing with his own reflection. Truly, I don’t know what I’d do without such pearls of wisdom.

But let me give you a word of advice, oh Lore Purist in Chief, President of the Fanfiction Police Union, and Guardian of the Shire’s Moral High Ground: I will touch Tolkien’s world, twist it, flip it like a pancake, and build something entirely new on top of it because guess what?

I’ve already done it.

And I’ll do it again.

And the best part? I don’t give a single, solitary fuck about your opinions, your outrage, or your sad little attempts to gatekeep Middle-earth like it’s your family heirloom.

You think your tired, sanctimonious “write your own book” line is a gotcha? Sweetheart, I already have. Several, in fact. And guess what? I’ll write more—more stories, more ships, more reinterpretations—and there’s nothing you can do but sit there in your self-proclaimed Chair of Canonical Superiority, furiously typing out essays that no one but you cares about. Go on, keep clutching your pearls and scribbling your fanfic hate manifestos, but let me promise you something: I’m not stopping. Ever.

It’s honestly adorable that you think your little decree will somehow shame me into putting my pen down. What next? You gonna summon the Valar to smite me for daring to reinterpret a fictional world?

Send an eagle my way, please—I’ll need it to carry all the fucks I don’t give about your opinion.

And let me be clear, Warden of Tolkien’s Spirit: your outrage is just fuel for my creative fire. Every time you whine, I just want to write more. So congrats, you’re officially my muse now, Pontiff of Perpetual Fan Rage!

You know what’s truly laughable? Your holier-than-thou act of pretending you’re the sole arbiter of what Tolkien “meant.” Tolkien’s works are complex, layered, and ripe for reinterpretation—that’s the beauty of storytelling. But no, you’ve decided you’re The Chosen One who understands it all, while the rest of us mere mortals stumble around in the dark.

Honey, if you’re the shining beacon of understanding, I’d rather take my chances in Moria without a light.

So, High Inquisitor of Gatekeeping™, continue shouting into the void, continue crying about my creative choices, and continue being mad about fanfiction. Meanwhile, I’ll be over here doing exactly what you hate: writing more, creating more, and caring less about your irrelevant opinions.

Go back to your dark little corner of Middle-earth, chewing on your bones—or was it cherry tomatoes this time?—and maybe weep dramatically about how "nobody understands your self-proclaimed brilliance". Honestly, your energy is giving less "Steward of Gondor" and more "Steward of Mom’s Basement."

Do you light a big, dramatic bonfire every time someone disagrees with you, or do you just sulk under the glow of your monitor, waiting for someone to tag your ship so you can descend like a Nazgûl in a hissy fit?

You’re out here acting like you’re defending Tolkien’s honor, but let’s be real—you’re just pressed that not everyone worships at the altar of your very specific, incredibly narrow, terminally boring interpretation of his works. It’s okay, really. We get it. You’ve been sitting there so long with that “scroll of canon” shoved up your ass that you’ve convinced yourself you’re a scholar.

Spoiler alert: you’re not. You’re just the guy crying into a bowl of instant noodles, mad that someone dared to take creative liberties with a fictional story.

To my knowledge, the Tolkien Estate is NOT sending you a paycheck to defend their lore. You’re not a martyr. You’re not a scholar. You’re not even the fun kind of fan who shares cool lore facts. You’re just the guy screaming, “That’s not canon!” into the void while the rest of us are out here enjoying our fandom like adults.

Here’s a thought: maybe instead of crying about other people’s ships, you could take that energy and, I don’t know, apply it to something useful. Learn Elvish. Build a model of Barad-dûr out of your tears. Or maybe, just maybe, stop weeping over cherry tomatoes and touch some grass. I hear the Shire has a lot of it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have characters to write, ships to build, and a very long scroll of I don’t care to finish signing. Good day, Esteemed Minister of Misguided Rage.

Morning people! It's just above 8am but a Lorebro called (screamed)! XD

[daisies-on-a-cup]

went into the virgin suicide tag on tumblr and god i think its the worst thing ive ever seen. i hate the vapid, sexualized, romanticization of depression and struggle. i hate that its been glorified to the extent that it is an entire aesthetic and something to want to admire, this weird "girl blogger" core thing that isn't about anything except looking a certain way (which just so happens to center around thinness, whiteness, and "pretty-trauma") and being mentally unwell. i hate it so much, it's so horrible and wrong and it's really become normal to replicate that kind of "aes" and try to emulate a girlish-ness/manic-pixie/depressed-pretty-teen thing that media has literally tricked so many young people into believing is a real thing and how people should look when responding to bad things or going through a mentally difficult time. the whole lana del ray, female hysteria/manipulator/rage/femme fatale, fiona apple, gaslight gatekeep girlboss "vibe" has been so grotesquely skewed into a mass production that is all about using pretty-struggle as some kind of aesthetic and that looking towards objectively terrible outlets like drugs, dangerous sex, self-harm, suicide etc. is a good thing bc you look like a cool, sexy, dream girl it girl like character

its driving me insane and im so genuinely upset at it all

[stychu-stych]

I know that by definition we will probably never get anything out of the "not meant for social media" narilamb pile, but that doesn't mean Im not deadly curious about it, like I want to know so bad it makes me look stupid

Plus I'll forever wander how bad it is. Is it just too embarrassing to share? Is it 'mildly bad and insane, but not enough to not have at least 10 to 20 different fics on AO3 with those same hcs' bad? Is it 'so bad that you CAN'T find it on AO3 of all places' bad? Secret kink you don't want to share with the internet (very valid tbh)? Secret third (technically fifth) thing??? I want to knooooow /hj /sillygoofy

Dhdhdhhd that post is kinda old, I put it on my tumblr when I was more afraid of posting things on the internet. Especially when a lot of people started to follow me in a very short period of time. Everytime I posted something more gore-ish or suggestive I've got reported and sometimes my posts were deleted (mostly on tiktok and instagram). I still don't know if that was just one person doing that or bunch of them, or I was some algorithm lottery winner djdbhdh Maybe people expected something different looking at my artstyle (I know it can be described as "cute") and they were mad when I started posting something else? Idk idc really but it was pain in the ass

I also heard a couple of times from not anonymous people that if I create something about toxic relationships (arts, headcanons etc.) that means I support this kind of behavior. Or "romanticize" is a better word. Some of them changed their mind and apologized so we're good now but still I've received so many of comments like this that I started to carefully select what I want to put on the internet and what I want to put into the closet

But it's better now, I'm not that scared of social media like I used to be, I'm also on therapy and it's going great (not only but mostly because of my growing visibility on social media that was scary for me at that time. Never really talked about that with anyone outside my close friends, this is the first time I'm talking about it publicly. Also don't worry, I'm getting better now 💖)

My headcanons are mostly about narilamb relationship that is super toxic, I'm just really into psychology, emotions and why people behave in some certain way. About hurting each other, being jealous, manipulating and controlling. I just like to analyze why brain can work like that and what has to happen for someone to make them act like that. And I like to put all of that in fictional characters

So yeah, now I think that my headcanons aren't that bad, people are just assholes jdbdhdh I'll probably post more about my Narilamb relationship, I just need to find some straight to write it *sob* And I'm not the strongest soldier if we talk about writing, especially in english sjdhdh but I'll try my best 💪

[marrycv]

Pick up your phone!

paring : toxic!ellie x toxic!reader

warnings : Mention of weed, alcohol. Ellie’s punishment with sex. Mention of nudes. Oral (e!receiving), fingering (r!reveiving). Language, nicknames such as : slut, doll, angel, baby, bitch, motherfocker (and others). mention of yn like twice. Mention of cheating and lying and many other bad things 😅. Ellie and reader are NOT healthy, do not romanticize their relationship, its fucked up. Porn w out plot? (kinda). Both reader and ellie are mean and does fucked up shit. 18+

summary : You wait Ellie again. she’s late for 4 hours and she wants to make it up to you. But you didn’t want to fall in her arms this time- which you obviously lost at trying to do. Ellie’s mad and has a punishment for you when she was in the wrong, and you had every right to be mad at her.

kinda a scrap this is bad 🙏

short asf

you :

00:12 - Ellie, where are you?

00:34 - Ellie istg answer me!!

1:02 - c’mon you said you’d come over today

Els 🖕🏻:

1:55 - im omw

1:57 - dont bother.

2:01 - im sorry im late

2:01 - you’re always sorry, dont come home and go fuck one of your stupid fangirls

2:02 - im coming over

2:02 - i said no

2:03 - c’mon lemme make it up to you 💋

2:05 - im gonna block you

2:32 - yn? !message not delivered!

“fuck” Ellie mumbled under her breath, going out of the studio and jumps in her Truck. going over speed’s limit and then knocking hard enough on your apartment to wake up everyone else in the combo.

you get up from your bed, unable to sleep due to waiting for her all night.

you open your door and when you see Ellie standing in front of it, smelling weed and alcohol, you know she wasn’t gonna be easy to deal with tonight.

“Ellie go home, its 3 in the morning…”

“cmon let me in baby” she said in a whisper, almost sounding like a whine.

You and Ellie’s relationship was complicated- that was what you were saying to your friends, because the amount of time you two broke up, that she cheated on you, that you would expose her nudes on internet, that she would sleep with a stranger just to piss you off and somehow you’d still let her come back in your arms- as she did the same with you. you would do shitty things as well, like saying to all of her fans that the concert was cancelled or that it changed location. you could also post on twitter her worse secrets when you learned that she cheated on you. you’d also make up lies about some random stuff just to get a revenge out of her.

but mostly she would just fuck up your trust for her like coming home 4 hours later or cheating on the infinite amount of girls. she’d also love bomb you to get you back and then would disappear for weeks. she also showed all of her band’s member the sextape she got of you- and you knew after Dina, the base player told it to you. You and ellie would randomly call eachothers- especially when she or you were under something, most likely weed or alcohol but sometimes something else. It wasnt rare that you would make her jealous and posting a story of you and a girl on instagram and she’d come over to fuck you dumb. only to wake up alone in the bed.

“ellie please i just wanna sleep tonight, no fight.”

“and please i just wanna say sorry, no fight.” Ellie answered, thinking she was a smart girl for this one

you rolled your eyes.

“are you even able to walk?” you asked her, seeing her flushed cheeks and her eyes red like hell

“of course i am baby, im okay.. please let me just make it up to you im so sorry im late”

“no youre not! because you wouldve told me you’d come home late or you wouldve just told me that you were busy!!!”

“im so sorry..” she says in a childish tone, just as if she was mocking you for being so mad.

“fuck off els”

Ellie rolled her eyes and made her way inside, taking steps closer to you.

“dont talk to me like that.” Ellie says, looking right into your eyes- mood changing suddenly, she didnt get the answer she wanted.

“you dont show up 4 hours late, bitch”

Ellie’s jaw tightened and she looked at you furiously

“tell me you just wanted to fuck me Ellie.”

“dont you ever call me ‘bitch’ again.”

“or what? you’re gonna leave? that already happened, i can survive it.”

“nah.. im gonna give you a lesson.”

“the fuck you mean?”

“get on your knees” Ellie said, tone demanding.

“i wont do shit you ask me to do Ellie.” you say scared of what she’s gonna ask you to do. you have some suspicions, but your mind is overthinking about so many possibilities.

Ellie puts her hands on your shoulders and force you to get you on your knees. She looks at you from down and she takes off her pants along with her boxers.

“you know what to do now.” Ellie tells you, intertwining her fingers with your hair, pulling you closer to her pussy. You start to give her short licks, obviously nothing enough for her.

“I swear to god you motherfucker if you dont do what-“

Ellie started but got cut off with one of her whines by you sucking her clit like your life depended on it. Your knees hurts, but her grip in your hair is too strong for you to move. your holding her by the thighs, moaning against her cunt by how good she tastes. obviously pussydrunk by her. and the perfect little grunts she would make made you so fucking wet. her hips would be jerking against your face, riding your tongue the best she could to chase your high. Ellie would never tell you, but you ever were the only one to make her cum. she knew that it would make your ego so much too high if she told you that on countless girls you were the only one able to please her. you know her sweet spots and she wasnt scared to be vulnerable with you. she always was. and you always were too.

“Fuck- fuck.. just like that, yeah”

her grunts would turn into whines and her whines into small moans. Ellie wasnt that much of a loud girl, but you knew if she was vocal- it was good. it made you laugh, sending vibrations through her clit.

“Im gonna- fuckkk!!” she moans out as she cums in your mouth. you still suck her clit as she rides your tongue for her high to be longer.

you get up from your knees and ellie kisses you, tasting herself on your tongue. the kiss turns rapidly messy and rough. Ellie would hold you by the hips, directing you by the bed. as soon as you touched the bed, she made you lay down on it and she got on top of you, still making out with you. her kisses got on your jaw until your neck. she then took a pause to look at you. you were eye doying her- she would always win. you were her little slut.

“only needed my” puts a finger into your core “fingers to shut that attitude huh?”

she takes off your shirt- which you were braless under it. peaking already your tits, ellie titled her head, smirking

“you got ready for me, doll?”

you nodded, wanting more of her.

“nuh huh, words baby, i want words.” she told you as the sucked one of your nipples as one of her hand was massaging the other breast. as her other hand was working on your clit to make you feel sooo good.

“j-just for you els!” you obey to her request, only wanting her to go faster.

“faster el- faster!!” you try to manage to tell her.

“faster huh?” Ellie says as she just slows her pace of her fingers brushing against that sweet spot of yours.

“please ellie!!” you beg for her to go faster as she just slows down again and again.

“i didnt say you’d get a good time Baby, this is your punishment, as deserved.”

“please.. ill be good Ellie- never gonna be m-mean with you ever” you faked promised her, just needed to tell her whatever she wanted to hear.

“yeah? you’d do this for me, angel?” Ellie asks as shes at only one finger, completely ruining you. completely making you cry for more- needing more.

“id do anything- just please fuck me ellie, fuck me.”

-

2 days after this huge mistake. You and Ellie started to do this kind of thing all the time. She’d piss you off, you’d be mad, she’d become madder for something she made you mad at- and would finish as sex. the only way you two did work out with.

she made you feel so good and you made her feel better.

This was unhealthy, but she was so addictive.

she’d come home in the middle of the night- wouldnt care if you were deep asleep or had a party- she’d take care of that pussy no matter what. Her songs would be about you two relationships.

Everyone liked it.

and you were happy you had such a big impact that she wrote- and sang about you.

But she didnt see you that pretty- you were her fucking toy.

14:01 : why the fuck did you say that i was toxic in your song?

15:56 : because you are.

15:59 : fuck you els

16:01 : you wish <3

16:01 : you’re the toxic one in our relationship

16:30 : 💀💀 hell nah

16:31 : Ellie how many times did you cheat on me?

17:23 : babe, we were on break how many times do i get to tell you that?

17:23 : anyways i gtg ill see you tonight ;)

She wasnt easy and you werent either.

but whatever, she has become way more famous than ever.

she’d send you those pictures before a show, trying to make you come to one (which you did but didnt tell her).

“does that feel good els?” you say as your face was in between her thighs, on your knees just like how she loved you like that.

“fuck babe dont stop!!” Ellie would tell you into a soft tone, not so much like that little ‘dominant’ cover she’s making everyone believe she was. she was always the one screaming your name over and over.

she then would make you see heaven with her cock filling you up, camera in one hand and the other one on your breast. She’d look at it all the time, rolling circles on her clit whenever she missed you and you blocked her so she couldnt ask you for any nudes- she has better, she could literally see you in action getting fucked by her.

she loved you, that was why she was so fucked up at showing it.

and you just were getting revenge for how she made you feel.

But in a way you two belonged together.

But she’d still use you for your amazing body and how good your tongue felt against her cunt.

you were her little stress reliever. (you’d let her do whatever she wanted to you- you’d just never tell her that)

request are open 💋

[barblaz-arts]

Ok I lied, one more Hazbin character ask.🙏

Thoughts on Lucifer, Carmilla, Rosie, and Adam?

Lucifer

I love love love him. Terrible dad tho! Lmfaoo

Genuinely think Charlie let him off the hook too easy for all the neglect imo. It's kinda weird how most of the fandom suddenly thinks he's a great dad. He's okay at best, tbh. Just because he has a gorgeous singing voice(Jeremy Jordan is the fuckin BEST man) and a silly personality doesn't mean everything's swell. I hope the second season further tackles this. I remember someone saying before that Lucifer resembled a dad who accidentally had a baby as a teen and doesn't actually know how to be a father and I haven't forgotten about how accurate that is. Still tho! Great character! I'm not even exactly mad about him being popular, just a little bothered by how he's viewed by most people. I hope the show has him do more than sing a musical number to EARN Charlie's forgiveness

Carmilla

I love her, even if the way her character is written is a little, um, how do I say it? Weird? Doesn't make sense sometimes.

Like how she's a demon Overlord who sells weapons but has a line that goes "I always thought that I would keep blood off my face". So does that mean she's never killed anyone before? Or maybe she swore off killing at some point? If she's only ever taken a life to protect her daughters, what sin did she commit to get her to end up in Hell, with her daughters no less. I have my speculations, but with how little we know about her, speculations don't change the fact that Carmilla is a strangely written character. She has some moments that are just questionable choices from the writers too. Like, how they had Carmilla point out how obvious Vaggie's nature is, making Charlie's feelings of betrayal look a little stupid on Charlie's part. Or how Carmilla sang to Vaggie that she should focus on love and not revenge, even though all Vaggie has ever thought about is protecting Charlie while never showing any signs of even thinking about getting back at Lute. Such a strange character. I hope she makes more sense next season when we get to see more of her, because I truly do love her. If this is never tackled though and I just happen to be overthinking, it's fine. I still like her anyways.

Rosie

A really sweet lady for a, um, cannibal. I can never get behind the fact that she and the other characters eat people RAW though! No matter how beautiful she is, the hotness factor is knocked down as long as you don't clean, cook, and season your food, maam. Nasty.

I hope we see more of her relationship with Charlie though. People keep talking about how Carmilla and Vaggie are similar, but I feel we should talk about her similarities with Charlie too. Throughout the show Charlie is ridiculed and given no respect by her people because of her sweet nature and jolly disposition, but here Rosie is being all those things and yet has a whole town to lead! I hope them meeting is set up to have Charlie learn even more from her.

Adam

Oh man he vexes me lol I don't completely hate him, because he has some funny moments, and kickass songs, and the OG Broadway Beetlejuice voices him, but he's suuuuuch an asshooooole. He's not even the kind of villain that you still like to see and romanticize even when he's evil. At least to me. I think my brother explained accurately why. He hates Adam in fact, and that's because his attitude and personality is too accurate to incels that you can see in real life. I enjoyed him as the first season's villain, but I do NOT want him coming back somehow as a sinner like others want. I want him to stay dead. It's Lute's turn to be the new big bad. I still have Pentious if I want more Alex Brightman anyway.

[woofs-silly-ships]

Oh boy, it’s that time again

(Haven’t done it much here but when a big piece of media comes out, you usually get a hyperfixated ramble post right after I finish it and a deep dive a day later. This is the deep dive lol)

Warnings: discussion of abuse and neglect, solitary confinement, and ptsd/childhood trauma. And ofc spoilers for WOTFI 2024 and just smg4 in general

Oh yeah and since I’m tagging this as selfship, the selfship stuff is at the bottom of yall want to just skip to that lol

I think I need to preface this by saying I still loved literally all of the WOTFI besides the ending. The song was freaking awesome (I’ll get into that later), the challenges were perfect, the clown designs for the main cast were amazing, etc. I’m just trying to get the negativity out first lol

But yeah ok, gotta get the elephant in the room out of the way first: what the trio chose to do with Puzzles was absolutely awful.

I was mostly shocked that Meggy seemed just totally ok with it considering SHE JUST SAW FIRSTHAND HOW ABUSED PUZZLES WAS??? She literally met his child self and saw how weary he was, how he flinched away from her touch like those are clear signs of abuse and it seems like Meggy should’ve known that

So why the frick didn’t she object? Mario is always doing stupid crap so that makes sense, but you would think Meggy or even SMG4 would do something???

But why is it abuse, you ask? Well, Puzzles has one major issue, and that’s that he has no friends. And then Meggy became friends with his child self, therefore logically setting him on the path to redemption. But obviously Puzzles has done some awful crap and should’ve been punished in some way, maybe something like having to stay exclusively in the showgrounds for a while until he shows improvement, with the gang there to support him (just came up with that off the top of my head lol). But you know what they decided was the best possible punishment for this man? Solitary freaking confinement. The punishment notorious for literally causing prisoners to go insane due to lack of interaction. And you just had to give that specific punishment to a man WHO LOST HIS FREAKING MIND AS A CHILD DUE TO LACK OF INTERACTION?? DO YALL SEE THE PROBLEM WITH THIS???

I’m not even mad that they did that, obviously it’s wrong but these are fictional characters making that decision, and characters can be misguided. You can have characters that literally violate everything on a basic dni list or something, characters can be evil. My issue is when it is glorified or romanticized. And that’s pretty much exactly what they’re doing here

Another line that came out of Meggy’s mouth that really hurt me was when she said that maybe he’d get better in there, stop being so obsessed with ratings…. is she stupid? The whole reason why this all started is because Puzzles was an abused child with no friends who basically hyperfixated on wanting to fulfill his dream of running a park (and later tv production as well) but was shut down by his father and isolated himself with a tv all day. Meggy had just managed to heal his inner child and see the good in him. And then they act like finally giving him what he needs to heal and then VIOLENTLY RIPPING IT AWAY FROM HIM AND LOCKING HIM IN A ROOM (MIGHT I ADD, LIKE HE DID AS A CHILD DUE TO TRUAMA, THERE IS NO WAY THIS ISNT BRINGING UP SOME GENUINE PTSD FROM HIM) IS GOING TO JUST MAGICALLY FIX HIM??? NO! AND THERE IS ZERO INDICATION IN THE MOVIE, NOT EVEN A HINT, THAT THE TRIO MIGHT BE IN THE WRONG.

I’m sorry, but this is abuse and also extreme neglect of what Puzzles needed to change.

And also, Puzzles being a villain doesn’t make any of this ok. Didn’t we already learn that with SMG3?? Villains that have clear issues like this can be reformed over time, it just takes work. But no, apparently they’re not gonna do that

Genuinely speaking: if they wanted betrayal via Mario, they should’ve had him just straight up kill Puzzles or something right then and there. Or keep the original story but have the others seem horrified of what Mario did.

Also that scene really should’ve been given more time to breathe, I know this is the haha funny Mario spaghetti show but that doesn’t excuse going from villain being likely reformed to villain being arrested and the park exploding in a matter of 5 god dang seconds. Sure that would’ve been funny if this was some random side character or minor reoccurring villain, but this was literally the man behind 3-4 arcs and the star of 2 more, and a clear fan favorite character. Even if he wasn’t gonna die, they should’ve treated it like Axol or One Shot Wren, where both the audience and characters are given time to mourn and see what was happening, see character reactions, all of that. Even a stupid line from a couple of the police officers would’ve worked perfectly. Just time to process what the frick just happened.

My only other issue besides, well, all that lmao, is that the actual movie was just nothing like the trailer, like there were scenes exclusively in the trailer and that felt really weird to me

Ok, negativity out of the way now :D

The song!!! I was kinda hoping for a rap but yeah this fit way better lol, haven’t seen anybody talk about it but the puzzles design with just the head and hands is freaking epic omgggg

Also I loved how the parts sung by the trio are kinda more akin to children’s movie songs (describing exactly what’s happening on screen, the sad “I know there’s good in you” part, etc) and then Puzzle’s parts are just hahaha I’m gonna freaking turn your corpses into gushing mounds of blood-

Also GGRRRR I WANT TO DRAW THE CLOWN DESIGNS SO BADDDD!!! THEYRE SO DANG COOL!!!

And also UGHHH THE MERCHHH I WANT IT SO BAD BUT IM B R O K E 😭

The challenges were also really fitting, didn’t see any users I recognized but those that got in were perfect

And no SMG34 fuel sadly :(, eh can’t always get the gay old men lol, maybe next time

And yeah this is my selfship blog so gotta let a few of the demons out:

THE FREAKING FACE HE MADE BEFORE ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!! IGNORING WHAT HAPPEN AFTER HE WAS SO GOD DANG CUTE AND I JUST WANTED TO HUG HIM AND CUDDLE HIM GRGGRGRGR HES SO DANG SILLY-

Anddd that’s about it! This post will probably get like, 2 notes but who tf cares!! I just needed to ramble a lot lol

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

If you think of it, romanticizing the catacomb scene is hilarious.

The scene: *happens*

Katara about the scene: Zuko seemed like a normal human person there so I felt sorry for him, and yet he betrayed me, so now I am really hurt and mad.

Zuko about the scene: This girl who is always with the avatar had some special water and is able to heal, so maybe the avatar is still alive and what if my father will know that I didn’t kill the avatar…

*Later, in the Western Air Temple*

Katara: I won’t trust you after you betrayed me in the catacombs!

Zuko: *doesn’t seem to understand what she’s talking about at all*

*Later yet*

Zuko: Why the hell you still don’t like me?!

Katara: Because you betrayed me in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se!

Zuko: Sokka, help, I don’t understand why your sister hates me so much.

Katara: The catacombs! Remember!

Zuko: Maybe she’s actually angry with someone else and not me?

Katara: No, I am angry because of the things that YOU did!

Zuko: She was saying something about her mother in the catacombs…

Katara: Finally!

Zuko: Maybe she’ll like me if I help her kill that someone who killed her mother?

Katara: No! I never expressed any desire to kill anyone, even a monster like him! Maybe you can start with “I’m sorry” instead?! I know you are capable of saying this!

Zuko: Yup. That’s what I’ll do, offer her a revenge killing trip. Seems like a flawless plan.

Katara: You are not going to apologize for what you did in the catacombs ever, are you?

Zuko: What catacombs?

Ah, yes, such a romantic moment it was…

Sorry if my sense of humor is lame.

To be fair, Katara DID have a moment when all the trauma caught up with her and made her mad enough to forget she's not a blood-thirsty killer who believes in an eye for an eye, but yeah, it's weird Zutarians think that's "Zuko allowing her to be herself" and not "Zuko not realizing that this is not how Katara acts because he simply doesn't know a damn thing about her yet."

And I am FOREVER mad that the writers pulled that cowardly shit of "Oh, Katara was projecting her anger from what happened to her mom onto poor Zuko." Fuck off, he made her feel stupid for showing him compassion, got her best friend killed, then sent an assassin after her group. She had PLENTY of reasons to be mad at him. It's okay if a life-changing field trip and working together makes her look past it and genuinely become his friend, but don't fucking lie to me. I know what I saw.

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep7 Musings - Sam Reid's Autumn Brown Interview & White Privilege

(Omg I don't watch Autumn Brown, so I had no idea Sam said all this until the transcript excerpts were posted here. 🤦Usually I love what Sam has to say, but this ain't it, chief.)

The problem with this whole take of Sam's is that Lestat is NOT the one on Trial--LOUIS is. The implications of spinning Come To Me makes Louis look MORE guilty, so that LOU'S DEATH IS JUSTIFIED & DESERVED. IDK if Sam is being deliberately obtuse here (seeing the situation with rose colored blinders to just look at Loustat's tragic love; Lestat's romanticism & hurt feelings cuz that's his character & his focus); or if he's deliberately skirting around a much more important & sensitive issue that, as a white man, he may or may not be aware that he's unequipped to handle--esp. since we know AMC put the lid on interviewers talking with the actors about RACE; and esp. since Jacob speaks very candidly about Louis' blackness when he's asked stupid questions.

Cuz the optics of a white person lying that a black man on trial had raped/molested/SA'd them are way too effing obvious--at least for Bipoc audiences--for Sam to boil it down to "a horrifically mean trick for Lestat to come out and say;" and then gloss it over with Lestat stupidly WANTING Louis to AGREE with the lie that makes him look like a sexual predator; and come away with "it’s very shocking for Lestat in that moment to be smacked in the face with ‘I didn’t want you. I always hated you."

Sure, EVERYONE understands & is in agreement about Loustat's "mutual yearning." But their mutual yearning has no bearings whatsoever on the proceedings happening on that stage. Lestat & Louis certainly AREN'T being mutually sentenced for vampiric crimes, and on pain on DEATH. This Trial is not about proving Louis' romantic/unrequited UST, it's about proving that he's guilty of breaking the Great Laws & proving that Lestat's life/wellbeing was in mortal danger from Louis--not just during Mardi Gras, but the entire time!

Lestat LITERALLY said "Louis ACCOSTED me."

The "pleasure house's" location (at the FairPlay) strengthens the implications of being "accosted" with being sexually harassed--esp. since Les & Santiago first start off with Louis' history as a "troubled, disreputable, cold, violent" pimp. Les said that everywhere he went, he was "being HUNTED" by Louis--like prey to a predator.

So if getting mad at Lou for being angry & hurt is all Lest takes away from Lou's reaction against having Come to Me weaponized to make Lou look like a rapist--then by god Les truly had no business being in an interracial relationship & raising a Black child. 😒

Les is so seated in his white privilege (and too busy screwing his white wench Antoinette down in Algiers) that he somehow missed the entire 1921 Tulsa Massacre, and the 1923 Rosewood Massacre, and the 1931-32 Scottsboro Boys case; to not read a effing newspaper or hear about all these Black men being lynched for raping white girls (who LIED on them) during Jim Crow!

Like, we talk about Tulsa & Rosewood wrt the Storyville race riot in 1x3, but I've yet to see anybody talk about how both of those massacres were started cuz white folk wanted to lynch innocent Black men accused of raping white people who lied on them & gaslit the whole country into believing them just cuz white = honest/innocent/good and black = liar/guilty/evil.

How DARE a Black man on Trial by a bloodthirsty predominately white lynch mob be furious that he's being lied on by a charismatic AF white man brought in to testify AGAINST him--

--who's explicitly presented as "THE VICTIM;" the first & ONLY witness whose words were to be trusted (Claudia's diary/words were only used to CONDEMN them, entirely removed from their context as a CHILD who felt unwanted & unloved by the father she was constantly trying to GET AWAY FROM, but who forcibly brought her BACK)--while Lou's context is stripped from him as the spouse who only killed Les for the sake of his DAUGHTER'S freedom. Lou never wanted to leave Les & NOLA; and he freaked TF out after he slit Les' throat & chokeslammed Claudia for tryna burn him--Claudia's diaries even exonerate Lou, PISSED at him for NOT wanting Les dead & for being "dead weight" thirsting after Les the whole time they were in Romania, 5 years later! All Lou wanted was to COME TO LES. Lou swam the nasty AF Mississippi River cuz LES WROTE A EFFING SONG NAMED COME TO ME that Lou STILL has the recording of IN HIS VOICE.

For a closeted gay Black man desperate to keep up appearances & be respected in society, Louis sacrificed EVERYTHING to be with Lestat--his loyalty to Paul (ie: God: x x) and his self respect/dignity/reputation most crucially, only to have that sacrifice (ie: love) ripped to shreds & sullied during the Trial--LESTAT BETRAYED LOUIS, not the other way around, WTF. Esp. cuz YES, Louis DID want Les to come to him the whole time. Even at the TRIAL, Jacob said all Louis was happy to see Les again.

Until Les opened his effing mouth & started spewing BS!

Lou LOVES Les, and trusted & confided in him as a gay closeted man tryna AVOID Les (esp. after being spooked by his gay crisis spooked him when they slept together)--only to be SPAT ON when Les tells all of Paris that he's nothing but a pervert who accosted/hunted/lusted after a man/vampire who made it seem that 1) LES didn't want LOU, and 2) that Les's safety/wellbeing was in danger--when HE'S the gay VAMPIRE wearing Oscar Wilde's chrysanthemum to dinner & baiting/luring Louis to HIS house with Lily waiting on the balcony in her effing underwear!

Remember: Lestat did this whole Come to Me spiel for the audience BEFORE his whole Gay Pride speech. The soldier yelled the F-slur after Les finished their Church Vows; and the whole crowd LAUGHED. This was NOT an audience who thought POSITIVELY about two guys being in a relationship--

--"the love that DARE NOT speak its name," even in gay mecca 1940s Paris (at the time the age of consent was 15 for straight couples but 21 for gay ones), where guys had to meet under the cover of night; hidden in the shadows even while in a public park/in plain sight--just like the vampires themselves.

The audience DGAF about Lestat's romanticism & Loustat's tragic gothic romance. They care about sexual deviancy--despite charismatic AF Santiago having said the very first night that the whole premise of the Theatre was to flip social mores upside-down--the bloodthirsty audience still wasn't effing buying gay sex! 💀

So not only is Les petitioning to a group of homophobes to see him as a victim, but he's are also throwing Louis, as a Black man, under the bus to a predominately white crowd as the villain--

--and yet people get mad at Louis for badmouthing Les in 1973 SanFran, and (LESS-SO) in Dubai??? When NEITHER time was Les being sentenced to death--but the vampires are still tryna kill LOUIS, even though it's DANIEL'S book and HE'S the vampire on national TV!

Again: LOUIS gets punished while these white men walk scott free. Louis gets dropped from the effing stratosphere with ALL his bones broken but his pain is dismissed as "a hard fall, nothing more;" while Louis put Les in the dump with a bunch of rats so Les could heal & NOT be burned alive, saving Les' effing life when Claudia would've GRILLED his arse, and yet Louis' found guilty!?

And again: Louis was actively being gaslit on stage, his brain LITERALLY being scrambled under the Mind Gift of the coven, while Claudia's literally over his right shoulder saying one thing, while Lestat's the devil on the left saying the total opposite. He's conscious, but he's barely more cognizant than Madeleine! But HE'S the liar?!

And again: Lestat's pain & hurt feelings gets centered, when it's LOUIS' ankles that are slashed to the bone so he can't walk or escape the lynchers ready to stone him & his daughter(s); HIS mind fogged whenever he tries to speak up & defend himself--with no one to help him but the very same dude lying his arse off to assassinate Louis' character and twist their story to excuse why he cheated (acting like he never said he wanted "VARIETY" way back in 1x3) & why Louis deserves to have lynchers in the crowd yelling "Shame on you!" as if there weren't TWO parties in this MUTUAL yearning.

I can't.

But again: Imma throw Sam a bone, cuz we know AMC's been weird about interviewers sidestepping actual substantial convos about race--and AFAIK Sam's never really said anything about Louis' blackness & how Lestat responds/dismisses it anyway, so. 🙄😒 Maybe it's for the best that Sam stays in his white lane--but it's still racially tone deaf AF that Loustat's race & contemporaneous IRL events that directly match the show aren't even up for frikkin discussion.

[songmingisthighs]

Stupid Lucky Rain

group : xikers

pairing : student!hyunwoo × student!reader

genre : fluff, university!au, strangers to lovers

word count : 10.1 K

note : part of the "Meet Me Under The Cherry Tree event by @cultofdionysusnet

a/n : hyunwoo need to STAHP being a freeloader in my mind like SIR RENT IS DUE I WILL NAWT TOLERATE SQUATTERS @flowerboykun I'm blaming you for enabling me writing for xikers <3 and GHAWD THIS TOOK SO LONG AND I DID NAWT MEANT FOR IT TO BE THIS LONG ???? THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TIMESTAMP ????? WTF HAPPENED ??????

buy me coffee ?

You never really liked your university. There were a lot of problems with not just the students and the teaching staff but also with the general management of the place and just the thought of it made you so mad honestly. What made you even more pissed was that the school was your choice because you were so drawn to the campus's open concept; the cherry blossom trees in spring, the stone path to each building, and the happy students everywhere. The decision was solely on you because your parents had even suggested that you go to school in another city but you just HAD to go to this school. So really, you have nothing and no one to blame for your shitty experience but yourself.

Days like this one, when nothing seems to be going your way or even just going right generally, truly made you feel so angry at nothing and no one but at the same time at everything and everyone. Thursdays were never your favourite day but since university, it has taken a rather worse turn. Your last class of the day with the WORST professor in your major talked your ears off which made the class run longer than it should and God forbid someone remind him that class was supposed to end AGES ago. So now, you're stuck by the entrance of your building because it was raining and you didn't even think to bring your umbrella. Now you resented the open concept your university had because what even the fuck was anyone thinking.

Whoever romanticize spring rain needs to have their mouths stuffed with wet cherry blossom flowers. Because while it looks so so so pretty, it's still a pain in the ass to deal with.

"You can't help me?" you groaned into the phone. You had hoped your friend who lived in the dorm could come with an umbrella and help you get home but alas you were met with YET ANOTHER disappointing answer. "I'm sorry, we have a dorm meeting in 5 minutes because someone got caught sneaking her sibling in after hours and all of us are getting punished with her," she sighed, obvious that she was disappointed with her own situation. Not wanting to make her feel bad, you assured her that it was fine and even mustering up a goodbye to her before hanging up. After the call ended, however, you couldn't help but slump down the wall nearby and covered your face with your bag to let out a muffled frustrated scream, completely oblivious that someone was listening in and even watching what was going on with you.

Hyunwoo knew you. Well, he knew OF you as you shared a class with his friend, Sumin and while he had yet to have direct interaction with you, he was well aware of general things about you. How you have classes mostly in the same building except for one in the seminar hall that you shared with his other friends, Seeun and Junmin (though he doesn't think they'd realize), how you seemed to have quite some close friends but you seemed to still be well known around campus, and how you seemed to cringe when you're under a tree that you frequent and a breeze decided to interrupt you. But all that knowledge seemed useless because Hyunwoo didn't even know your name. He couldn't tell his friends that he was interested in you (for a lack of better word) because he know that Sumin is (embarrassing) not going to let his interest slide as platonic. So he kept (suffered alone) to himself and just watch you from afar, sometimes getting a chuckle or a grin at your antics. For a lack of better explanation, Hyunwoo considered himself intrigued by you and now that he was able to get a close-up look, he was, for a lack of better words, amused.

Determined to return home as soon as possible, so you can just wash the ick of the day and fall into a deep slumber where you can just fantasize about being a marshmallow (Or a rock, Tinnitus rules), you stood back up in a speed of light, surprising the person who was behind you. "I can do this, I can just run past this itty bitty rain and be home in no time," you mumbled to yourself, huffing and jumping slightly to prepare to take off. "Straight to the bus shelter, it's... Nothing, not that far," your head nodded along your words, starting to feel like you were being filled with positivity, "Yeah, yeah, it's no biggie whatsoever." Hyunwoo was grinning and chuckling to himself, amused at how you were trying to... survive? Does that make sense?

Not letting yourself hesitate much longer, you took off from your spot to face the seemingly worsening rain.

"Wait-,"

It didn't take long for you to slip and skid away several feet and land on a cherry blossom tree. To make your accident more unfortunate, the petals of the cherry blossom tree fell from the tree upon impact and scattered around you dramatically. Seeing this, Hyunwoo panicked and reached into his bag to fish out the umbrella his roommate, Junghoon, had placed for him, taking a moment to stare at the item in embarrassment because he could have gone to you and lent you the umbrella while he was (creepily) staring at you and your antics. Nevertheless, he shook his head and opened his umbrella to shield him before running over to you.

The closer he got, the more he could hear you sobbing whilst still in the same position as when you landed to a stop. Hyunwoo cringed and slowly leaned down so that his umbrella would also cover your face as it did with his. "Excuse me miss, are you okay?" he asked sympathetically, genuinely feeling bad that you had to go through such an embarrassing accident. Thankfully, you answered him, even if it was with an eery sarcastic laugh, "I'm... On top of the world, walking on Sunshine fantastic," you said as you closed your eyes, "And it's... Amazing that you saw me at my worst." Hyunwoo couldn't help but cringe at your words, wanting to be helpful but not quite knowing how to. "Uh... If this is your worst, I'm glad you're pulling it off," he smiled in awkward assurance, hoping that it makes your unfortunate accident perceivably better for you. Thankfully, you chuckled at him even if it was pathetic laughter (because if you hadn't, Hyunwoo might dig himself a 10-foot hole and just stay there until the embarrassment ebbs away.

He was just about to help you up and possibly asked if he could accompany you to wherever you needed to go but he heard his name being called (by a voice that sounded like an impatient Minjae) from the far distance. Afraid that he might get caught with a (cute) girl, Hyunwoo's eyes widened and his head snapped back to you who was beginning to it up. With a heavy heart, Hyunwoo handed you his umbrella and before you could ask him what he was doing, he gave you a charming smile that made your heart skip a beat.

"I hope you get back home safely."

That was all he said before he took his backpack over his head and dashed through the rain. "Wait," you called out, trying your best to stand up quickly, "I didn't get your name!" It was unfortunate that you didn't hear his friend called out for his name due to the heavy rain.

Unfortunately, the sound of the rain was louder than your voice and Hyunwoo was already quite far away. All you could do was stare at his retreating figure in sadness and conviction because how did he not fall and embarrass himself like you did and you hadn't gotten the chance to thank or talk to him. But you were at least safe from being (even more) wet on your journey home.

As you walked away, you couldn't help but look back at the tree where you landed. Usually, it would take you some time to recover from such embarrassment. Heck, you'd be angry at yourself, the tree, the pink petals, the sky, the weather, the grass, the pavement, the university, and maybe even the students that didn't fall like you did. So it surprised you to have walked away with a light heart and even gratitude. All thanks to that mysterious cutie who you didn't even get to look at properly before he ran off. You would've liked to appreciate his beauty first before you both parted. How had you never realized there was anyone as cute as he before? Why did you have to meet him in such an unfortunate circumstance?

You couldn't help but let out a final sigh before resuming your walk to the bus stop, hoping that you'd get to meet the stranger you met under the cherry blossom tree once again.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

"So he just gave you an umbrella... and ran?" you nodded at the question that was asked by one of your friends, Liz.

"And you had never seen him on this campus before?" your other friend, Rei, added and again, you simply nodded at her question.

All three of your friends smacked their foreheads with their palms, absolutely dumbfounded by how you handled the situation. "God, (y/n), how is it that these kinds of things seem to only happen to you?" Your last friend, Haewon, asked in exasperation. You couldn't help but groan and slumped down on the table before you, accidentally bumping your forehead on the hard surface which made Liz cringe. "And there she goes again," she teased, snickering but pushing your head slightly to see the red mark and your scrunched-up face and gently pressing her cold can of cola on the spot, "Dum dum."

Rei rested her chin on her open palm and tilted her head, "So, what are you planning on doing?" she asked. For a moment, all you could do was hum, not knowing what to do because you really do have no plans whatsoever. It had been five days since you saw the cutie who helped you under the cherry blossom tree and you hasn't seen him since and you were sure that you'd recognize him immediately. How can you forget his worried eyes that turned into adorable crescents when he smiled? How can you forget his soft, pastel green cardigan and white shirt that was paired with black jeans and white Adidas that somehow made him look like a model? How can you forget his melodious voice when he talked? And God, how can you forget the fact that he made you feel better without even trying? He was it, he was what you needed to motivate you to go to school and it might be just some dumb crush but you really do want to see him again.

Unbeknownst to you, Haewon had slipped her hand into your bag and taken the umbrella the boy had lent to you and waved it over her head as she rose to her feet slightly. "Is there a cute boy who is missing his umbrella because he lent it to a clumsy fool last week?" she yelled at the whole cafeteria out of the blue which made you yelp and immediately pulled her down just as people snapped their heads towards your table. "Are you nuts!?" you hissed as you hit the side of her arm in a scolding manner. Yet, Haewon only blinked her eyes confusedly at you, "Wha- me? I'm doing your job effectively! Don't you wanna meet this boy and then marry him?" Truly, you wonder how Haewon's mouth has yet to get her in trouble. "Not marry!" you whined at her to which she just rolled her eyes, "Fine, you're against marriage, but you want a future with him, no?" All you could do was groan and run your fingers through your hair, "Rei was more helpful when she couldn't help me with an umbrella last week," you muttered. Liz scrunched her nose at you and she couldn't help but add, "I mean... Had Rei helped you last week, Mr cutie wouldn't have been able to help you," to which you replied with a deadpanned look on your face that made her raise both of her hands slightly, "I'm just stating a fact here, you're mad at Haewon unnie, not me," she grinned sheepishly.

It wasn't like you were mad at your friends or anything because you were mostly mad at yourself for not being able to find the cutie. Granted, you had only seen him once but on a campus with a limited number of students walking around everywhere, statistically speaking, you should've been able to bump into him again in no time. But no time feels like yes time and yes, time sure was being a bitch because it felt like forever. Every day, you try to be more aware of your surroundings, be more aware of the people in case you see the cutie and every day, without fail, you brought the umbrella he lent you in your bag along with a little note of gratitude. In it was the usual thank you for helping your dumb ass and for making your day slightly better and at the bottom right corner, you had written your number for the purpose of "wanting to pay you back for your kindness. So text me when you're available :)" it's cheesy and you blame Liz.

Suddenly, someone approached your table, a guy who looked so innocent and he had the most adorable smile on his face. "Hi, sorry, is the rest of the seat taken?" he asked, tilting his head a little. you were sure that had you known him, you would've absolutely squished his cheeks and given him the biggest hug ever at any given time. "Oh, no, please," Rei gestured for him to take a seat on the space at the end of the table. "Thank you!" he cheerfully said before turning slightly and waving his hands, "Guys, I found a table!" The four of you couldn't help but turn around and watch as six more guys walked through the sea of people towards the direction of the table you were occupying. "Guys, I think we need to leave," Rei said, cringing at the number of people around but also at the thought of them having a hard time finding seats. The rest of you nodded and immediately packed your stuff and took your trays. Seeing this, the guy felt bad, "Oh, you guys don't have to leave!" he pouted, feeling bad because he thought you all left because of him. But Liz waved a hand at him and smiled, "No, don't worry! We need to go to class anyways!" which seemed to reassure him as he simply nodded and bowed slightly, "Thank you so much," he smiled.

Once you and your friends cleared, the guy's four friends soon came to the table just as the four of you left the table, giving the guy you interacted with one last wave (just for fun) which he happily reciprocated. "Yujun, dude, how'd you get them to leave?" Sumin smirked, chuckling slightly while setting his tray down. The other people in the group; Yechan, Junmin, Hunter, Junghoon, and Jinsik followed suit, taking their respective spots. "Probably by telling them something about snail penises," Yechan snickered at his friend whose expression dropped into an unamused one, "How're your books, Yechan, are they balanced?" he retorted back. But of course, Yechan being Yechan, he wasn't affected by his friend's words, he simply sit on his chair and plastered on (an obviously faux) innocent smile, "Better than your genealogy paper I'll bet," thankfully Junmin was there to stop either one of them to start throwing food at each other, only letting Yujun squeak out something about Yechan's response not even making any sense.

It seemed like you really do have rotten luck because not even five minutes after you cleared up, Hyunwoo walked into the cafeteria with two of his friends on his sides. "All I'm saying is," Seeun shrugged his shoulder to readjust his bag so he won't let go of his tray, "The idea that reality is all fake and that the physical world is all caused by ideas is plausible! For instance, what if the things you see around you aren't actually what they seem? What if the things that you see are just how your brain wants to perceive them? Or let's say there's a chair in a room. Who's to say that chair still exists when you leave the room because there was no one to perceive it?" God, Hyunwoo love his friends but sometimes he really does question why they became friends in the first place. The additional three guys soon approached the table you had just occupied, and to poke fun at you and your luck even more, Hyunwoo had chosen to sit on the spot you sat on. "For fuck's sake, Seeun, you took ONE philosophy class last semester. Move on!" Minjae complained, choosing a seat at the far end, near Yechan where he didn't have to deal with Seeun. However, Seeun only scoffed at his older friend, "By that logic, you should forget all your introductory classes because you had only taken those classes once, hyung."

"Hey, Hyunwoo's here!" Jinsik greeted his seemingly quiet friend in an attempt to stop more fights to break and even resume the potential fight between Yechan and Yujun. "How are you today, hyung?" Hunter, who was next to Hyunwoo asked before popping a piece of fish cake from his bowl of tteokbokki into his mouth. "Oooh look at him, isn't it obvious?" Sumin snickered, making Hyunwoo freeze in his spot while his pupils shook nervously, fearing that Sumin might know something, "Hyunwoo is sad because his little mysterious miss scattered-petal-umbrella-borrower hasn't been seen around." Immediately, Hyunwoo's head snapped to Junghoon who felt his friend's glare and he halted his movement just as he was about to take a spoonful of soup. Hyunwoo's eyes narrowed and Junghoon, without dropping his spoon back into his bowl, made a statement for himself, "I didn't know it was a SECRET secret, I thought it was a general knowledge secret."

Confused, Junmin looked between his friends with curiosity, "What? What miss scattered-petal-umbrella-borrower?" he asked, clearly wanting to know what everyone (some, but it didn't include him so he felt left out) was talking about. "Say those five words quickly like a tongue-twister, I dare you," Minjae snickered and soon the table erupted into a tongue-twister challenge battle, allowing Hyunwoo to just sulk in his seat.

It wasn't like he wasn't trying to find you because he absolutely did. He mulled over why he hadn't seen you in a while and made a plan to be able to see you which was basically to just frequent the cherry blossom tree where you fell. To be fair, he had only implemented the plan the day before so his success rate as of now was about the same as seeing a monkey juggling in a baby suit. Not to mention his busy schedule as a Food Technology student was not really allowing him much freedom. Still, he tried. He tried by studying under the tree, right on the spot you landed on and made sure to pass the tree when he got to the campus and when he was about to leave. But so far he hadn't had his luck meeting you again. The effort Hyunwoo put to present himself also doubled because he wanted to look nice for you. His usual fluff of hair was styled better (courtesy of Sumin) and his clothes were nicer (courtesy of Minjae), heck, he even found a new sense of confidence (courtesy of Yechan who said that they're one Christmas away from buying him a loom and call him the loonie roomie with a loomy).

"Hey, hey, hey, let's go back to talking about Hyunwoo," Minjae chuckled after seeing Sumin choke on his own spit. Yujun glanced at the oldest, blinking twice in confusion before stating, "Well, to be fair, we all got sidetracked because of you, hyung," Minjae's left eye twitch at the guy who was innocently nibbling on a piece of chicken on his fork but he managed a (forced) wide grin, "Well, I'm refocusing back to Hyunwoo," he said simply. Hearing this, Hyunwoo sat up straight and shrugged slightly, "I don't think there's much to tell, you know? It's just... Someone that I wished to have more interactions with," though he wanted to appear casual or even nonchalant, the slight pout on the corners of his lips betrayed him.

"Okay, now I'm confused," Sumin said, raising an eyebrow at his friend, "I've introduced you to a lot of people on this campus and you didn't seem to be interested in anyone. Who changed your mind??" "God, Sumin hyung, isn't it possible that Hyunwoo hyung is interested in someone who has NOTHING to do with you?" Hunter scoffed. The rest of the table was nodding at Hunter's words, agreeing with him. But it wasn't until Yujun turned to Hyunwoo that he realized Hyunwoo's ears, despite his face remaining a neutral colour, were bright red and seemingly hot if one was to touch them. Yujun's eyes widened and he squeaked, finger immediately pointing to his older friend who realized and whose eyes widened to saucers, "OH MY GOD, HYUNWOO HYUNG LIKES SOMEONE HE KNEW FROM SUMIN HYUNG!" he exclaimed loudly.

To avoid bombarding, Hyunwoo immediately packed his stuff and took his tray, "I don't have time for this," was the last thing he said before he ran off, leaving his friends complaining and booing at him.

On his way out to his next class, after putting his tray to where it was supposed to go, Hyunwoo slumped on a nearby wall and hung his head. It was embarrassing that he couldn't control his reaction and because of that, people now know that he was INTERESTED (not yet crushing) on someone that Sumin also knows. "God, my life is a joke," he muttered to himself before crouching down to tie his shoelaces that had become loose.

To mock his existence, just as his focus was on his feet, you ran right past him back into the cafeteria. You looked around and spotted the table you sat on before. As you rushed back to the table, Yujun looked up and beamed when he recognized you. "Oh! It's miss nice table sharer!" he exclaimed, causing people on the table to snap their heads at you, curious at what Yujun was talking about. You were stunned to be greeted like that, as evident by your rounded, blinking eyes, but you smiled at him, "Hi? And it's (y/n) if you wanna thank me more for giving you my table," you joked. Sumin swallowed the food he was chewing and nudged you on the hip gently, "Hey (y/n), what's up?" While you both were not really that close (even with the class you shared), you both were fond of each other and you knew that Sumin has a playful and friendly persona which was why everyone was comfortable enough to joke and poke with him. You pouted at him, "I think I left my wallet here by accident. If it's not here, then it must've fallen out when I was walking around and I might as well say goodbye to it," you sighed. The guys on the table were nice enough to immediately look around and even down under the table to help you locate your missing item. All but one. Junghoon quietly lifted your slightly tattered wallet up with a blank look on his face, "I didn't realize this was yours," he simply said. Minjae exhaled sharply and reached to pluck the item from his friend's grasp, "You're not supposed to take things that aren't yours, Junghoon!" he then handed you the item with a sheepish (almost embarrassed) look on his face, "Sorry about him, he can be peculiar." Junghoon scoffed and crossed his arms at Minjae's words, obviously dissatisfied, "Hey, at least I noticed the item before Hyunwoo hyung placed his tray on it."

Simply relieved, you hugged your wallet to your chest happily. "God, thank you for keeping it safe!" then you pat Sumin's head like how you would a puppy and lean down slightly to match his eye level, "I'll see you tomorrow at class, okay?" to which Sumin replied with his fingers that are supposed to indicate him saying 'okay' as his mouth was busy chewing. With the reply, you (once again) take your leave with a wave of goodbye and an extra enthusiastic one to Yujun who enthusiastically double-waved at you.

Once you were out of earshot, Yujun spoke up, "She's nice! How'd you know her, Sumin hyung?" "I knew her from my mandatory English class, she helps me a lot with essays but that's about it," the whole table nodded in understanding at that. But then they snapped their heads all at the same time at the sound of Seeun snickering. "What if that's the girl Hyunwoo hyung has a crush on?" Jinsik rolled his eyes and punched him lightly on the shoulder, "Pay attention dude, do you think Sumin would just use the people he knew from class as a potential match for Hyunwoo?" Seeun raised an eyebrow at his older friend challengingly, knowing full well what his defence would be, "There are endless possibilities of worlds. If you can think of it then it can exist in theory therefore anything is possible. However, nothing can exist without it being perceived by someone." And for the first time ever (since the second week of his taking his philosophy class), his response was met with nods of approval and even understanding.

"Hence, my earlier statement that things might just simply exist because there is someone to perceive them. Like the chair," as soon as those nods come, they were immediately replaced with groans and protests. Jinsik, Yechan, and Junghoon even threw their juice boxes at him.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

In the next three days, there were more close run-ins that happened between you and Hyunwoo that if you both realized would've caused your heads to explode.

The first occurrence was the day after the almost run-in at the cafeteria. You were paired with Sumin for a class discussion, even spending time making a report in class. It was a complete fluke (and by that, it was most likely orchestrated by destiny) that you were paired together because neither of you had ever gotten so close, not in the several months since you both took the class. Even by the end of the class you both walked out together to discuss more on the paper that you both were supposed to submit by that night. The two of you were so into your conversation that you didn't even realize that you had left your laptop in the classroom. "Shoot! I need to go back,": you turned around and cringed at the number of people walking slowly out of the class like a herd of sheep. Sumin chuckled and shook his head at you, "You're unbelievable, kind of like my friend Hyunwoo," he chuckled. You only rolled your eyes and nudged his body with yours lightly, "You're a jerk," your bottom lip dropped into a teasing joke, "Text me later about your part?" Sumin nodded in agreement with a smile, letting you know that he will do his part of the paper before you ran off. Sumin barely took two steps forward when the person he was talking about rounded the corner and patted him on the shoulder, "Hey man, you done?" he smiled widely. "Yup, you done checking the tree?" Sumin's words almost made Hyunwoo choke on his own spit, "How'd you know about that?" it was obvious that not even Hyunwoo could hide that fact. Sumin simply smirked and wrapped his friend in a friendly hug, "We got eight other close friends, man, how long do you think you would be able to hide that fact?"

The next occurrence happened the night Hyunwoo decided that he wanted to get some midnight snacks with Yechan and Minjae who were pulling an all-nighter at their dorms. It was an impromptu decision for all of them and Hyunwoo didn't even want to go in the first place but Yujun was giving him puppy eyes and Seeun annoyed him enough that he go to get them what they wanted (which, halfway out of his dorm, it had just occurred to him that both Yujun and Seeun could've gone out themselves). At the same time, you came out of your dorm clad in a hoodie, mask, and your comfiest pyjama pants because you were feeling pissed at yourself because you hadn't found the mystery cutie. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, it had been exactly seven days since that (un)fateful day and logically speaking (and if you were to put your trust in destiny's hands), the day you would've most likely to meet him again was today on similar circumstances (because it hadn't rained). So you waited and waited but the mystery cutie never even showed so you spent two hours after class for nothing only to come home to your door opened which means that one of your roommates was in your room and you were betting on the narcissistic kleptomaniac who has been shit-talking you behind your back. You were so ready for the new semester so you, Liz, Haewon, and Rei could move in together. Near tears, you got into the convenience store to gather everything you need to calm yourself down. The three guys were already in the convenience store, talking loudly with each other, laughing and joking around and even narrowly missing you; when you were in one isle, they were in the next, when you turned to stare at the rack, they passed you, even noticing your presence but not your identity. Out of the three however, Hyunwoo was the one who noticed the hard sigh you exhaled and the times you clenched your fists when you couldn't find something or saw that it wasn't in stock. Even when he was paying for the things he bought (which were mostly Yujun and Seeun's snacks), he couldn't help but turn his head to your crouching figure in front of the instant noodles, completely oblivious that you were the person he has been looking for this past week. When you paid for your item, the cashier put something you swore you didn't pick out earlier. "Excuse me, I don't think that's mine," you pointed out, making the cashier stop her movements. But she nodded her head in the direction of the door, "The guy before bought something for you," when the bag was in your hand and you were able to reach into the plastic bag and took out what she had put. During your walk out, you couldn't help but keep staring at the lollipop that had a smiling face on its wrapper. It was stupid maybe, but you were just so happy to have gotten it and just like that your day was made.

The last occurrence happened when Hyunwoo and you decided that maybe simply standing or watching near the tree was not enough, you have to be attached to the tree. So that Friday, after your morning class, you buckled down and settled on the grass, studying (or pretending to be) as you keep a lookout. "Okay, but can we at least get you lunch?" Liz asked, smiling sympathetically at you. You shook your head but Haewon rolled her eyes and linked her arm with Liz and Rei, "We'll just get her like a kimbap or something, she's definitely going to want to eat, she's just stubborn," she teased as she walked away. As they walked away, Hyunwoo parted ways from his friends and approached the tree, eyes filled with determination to finally meet you again and this time properly talk to you. Neither of you realized that you both were on opposite sides of the tree, blissfully unaware as you occupied yourselves with working on whatever you could work on. For thirty-five minutes the both of you could hear the other typing on their laptop or writing or opening up books but both of you thought those were the sounds that came from other students from the nearby tree. You didn't even hear the sounds anymore once your friend came back and sat down around you; Liz next to you and Rei and Haewon across you. As you chew on your kimbap, all four of you chatted, well, mostly the three of them because you were keeping your eyes on the people walking nearby, waiting for the mystery cutie to pass by not knowing that he was on the other side, smiling to himself at the sound of you four being so happy and carefree. He was rather intrigued because he noticed that there was a voice that got him feeling some sort of recognition and just as he was about to take a peek, he heard someone call his name from the building. "Dude, we have a rescheduled class 10 minutes ago, what are you doing?" his classmate called out, making Hyunwoo's eyes widen in realization and quickly pack his things. "Shit, this is bad," he muttered to himself as his hands tried to shove everything in as quickly as possible. But in his clumsiness, he accidentally let his water bottle roll away to the other side of the tree without him realizing it. Just as Hyunwoo strapped his backpack on, a voice halted his movements, "Here, I think you dropped this." He looked up to see a girl holding his water bottle and he immediately nodded and took it from her hands, "Thanks, uh..." "Liz," "Yeah, thank you, Liz," he smiled at her before rushing to his class. Noticing Liz talking, you tried to peek over and saw a guy in a rather clean-looking smart outfit running off into the building. "Who's that?" Rei asked, noticing what you saw as well, "Some guy, he dropped his water bottle and I helped," Liz shrugged. "He was cute," Haewon said before she nudged you with her foot, snickering slightly, "Do you think you wanna switch mystery cutie for him?" she teased. You took one last glance at the guy (or his back since that was all you could see) and shrugged, "My mystery cutie is probably like ten times more handsome," you stated obliviously as you munched on your kimbap, fully unaware that that was actually your mystery cutie.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

Saturdays were your favourite as you have no classes and you have no responsibilities. As a university student, you didn't have much going for you nor do you have many options for entertainment. So more often than not, you utilize the campus facilities however you can. One of your favourites is the shuttle bus to the heart of the city which was not that far. Little did you know, Hyunwoo felt exactly the same way about being a student but his way of utilizing the university facilities is slightly different considering his friends are lawless hooligans.

That day, you had just gotten back from the mall with your friends and you decided to leave early because you had this feeling that you had forgotten something. Funny enough, it wasn't an umbrella because you found yourself always carrying mystery cutie's umbrella with you. Initially, it was just in case you accidentally bumped into him somewhere you didn't even think you'd bumped into him or something. Honestly after not meeting him for a whole week, you got the impression that there's a chance that he might not even be a student at the university (wrong). He could be a visiting student (wrong). Or maybe a transfer or even an international student doing a semester program (wrong). Would it be ridiculous to assume that he's a TA or even a new professor or a potential new TA or a potential new professor? (yes because it is so dumb to think that). So you went home by yourself and on the way, you realized that because you were going to be dropped off at the campus, you could maybe go around a bit to look at the campus life activity board to see if you could spot his face in the pictures there.

Meanwhile, Hyunwoo and some of his friends (Jinsik, Sumin, Junmin, and Hunter) decided that they wanted to spend some time at the gym. As active boys, it was important for them to burn energy somehow so that they wouldn't get into any trouble. Same principle as raising children. Or puppies. They have to tire themselves just enough to be obedient and not cause any mess. And it was fun or maybe just interesting to see the university that would usually be busy with the hustle and the bustle of busy busy students and their lives and their need to keep up with their schedules and ambitions. On Saturdays, Hyunwoo was able to simply appreciate the university as it is. He wasn't really sure of a university with an open concept as he would more often than not think about the practicality and even the effectiveness of it for students (other than giving something green to stare at and providing fresh air to students who spent most of their days in stuffy rooms with other students who looked just about done with studying). But he came to like the place and its concept and he was able to appreciate it even more ever since he saw you. He liked being able to find you in odd places every now and then which has now become frustrating because now that he actually wanted to meet you, you're nowhere to be seen like a Fata Morgana. Maybe he has to reach a certain level of desperation first.

Unlike the days before when he had to go to class and there was a higher chance of meeting you, Hyunwoo decided against dressing up. He let his usual flop of hair down and wore a loose sleeveless work shirt and training pants with his favourite workout shoes. It was him getting back to simplicity despite the protests of Minjae who insisted he wore an athleisure outfit which was stupid because although Hyunwoo looked absolutely amazing and he felt confident in the form-fitting shirt and parachute fabric pants, he couldn't move for shit and he was uncomfortable. So he ran out as soon as he changed so that he didn't have to listen to Minjae nagging at him for not listening.

"Are you ready to admit now?" Hyunwoo's reps on the chest machine halted at the question thrown by Sumin. "Admit what?" he asked with an eyebrow raised. Sumin dropped the dumbell he was curling before standing up and leaning next to Hyunwoo's machine, forcing the guy to strain his neck slightly to look at him, "That your little miss scattered-petal-umbrella-borrower is probably a figment of your imagination," he teased, smirking at the guy whose face scrunched into a scowl. Hunter walked by and smack his older friend on the back with a towel, "Don't be mean, Sumin hyung, Hyunwoo hyung said it happened so it must have happened," Hunter was definitely trying to back his friend up but somehow, it seemed like he wasn't. Hyunwoo couldn't help but scoff at his two friends, "Why does it seem like you guys think I'm crazy?" "Well," Junmin walked over and sat on a bench close to them, "It's not that we think you're crazy, but it kinda does feel like you're avoiding us and using this... Mysterious girl that no one has seen as an excuse," he shrugged. Jinsik came by with kettlebells and started doing his reps as he joined the conversation. "We're just worried about you, man. You usually keep to yourself, yes, but this is a whole other level. I mean, if she's real in the first place, how come you haven't found her in the past week?" he asked. In frustration, Hyunwoo groaned and threw his head back onto the padding of his station's seat, "I can't believe I'm even saying this," he then looked to the side, straight into Sumin's eyes and pointed at him, "Mystery girl is in the same English class as you."

The revelation surprised everyone but not Sumin who simply raised an eyebrow at him. "Really? She's in my class?" he scoffed and Hyunwoo nodded, "Well, did you see her last time you came by to get me after that class?" Now, that question made the others shut their gasps and exclamations of a surprise to see how Hyunwoo would react. The guy froze and his eyes darted around in slight panic, knowing full well that he didn't and that answer might come off as how his friends had insinuated before. "Uh..." Hyunwoo looked around his friends as his brain try its best to string enough words to make a sentence that makes sense. "Well..." he started out, getting more nervous even though he was only facing his friends and their stupid questions. It didn't help that all of them looked genuinely intrigued and were patiently waiting for him to say something, anything as soon as he could. Unfortunately, the pressure got to him and he didn't think twice before he stood up, surprising his friends, especially with his announcement before he ran off and out of the gym, "I think I need to run laps outside."

With that, Jinsik smacked Sumin upside the head, making the guy groan and clutch the side where he got the impact. "What was that for!?" Sumin huffed, trying to rub away the pain. Jinsik smirked teasingly at him and leaned down, "Maybe that ought to realign your crooked brain so you could think straight next time you speak," then he ran away before Sumin could reach down, grab a dumbell and throw it at him.

Hyunwoo didn't like this. He didn't like feeling negative things especially if he was doubting himself and when he felt like he was getting pissed at his friends. He knew full well that none of them meant to, none of them wanted to piss him off or make him feel bad about himself, even Sumin despite the way his words were articulated. But it just made him feel bad about himself, it made him feel stupid as if his wanting to find this mystery girl is a pointless crusade when it's not that serious. It's not like Hyunwoo is going around everywhere asking girls if they are the girl he has been looking for. For one thing, he's not the prince charming from Cinderella. And his introversion would cause his social battery to deplete after 2 interactions hence causing him to flop down on the floor like a fish out of water. He so badly needs his social battery to survive his classes and actually get grades above passing which is all dependent on class interactions. It also wasn't like he didn't want his friends' help, it was just embarrassing to admit that he has a crush on someone that he had only seen from afar. Especially admitting it to Sumin who had been nothing but nice and proactive, introducing him to different people only for him to be interested in someone Sumin hadn't introduced him to yet. Again, he was well aware that it was stupid but he couldn't help but feel like that, especially in a circumstance like this one. The circumstance is his existence as an introverted, awkward klutz.

It didn't occur to him that he had been running around the campus for a solid 20 minutes. The soft droplets of water were what snapped him out of his trance in the first place. Almost at once, more droplets of water fell from the sky, drenching his body and forcing him to run for cover. Through the thick curtain of rain, Hyunwoo could barely see anything, everything seemed blurry and the sound rendered him in a confused state as he couldn't seem to decide where to run for cover. In the midst of confusion and mess, Hyunwoo managed to slip on the slippery, muddy ground and skidded forward until his body collided with a tree. On the ground, looking up, Hyunwoo finally realized that he was actually under the cherry blossom tree where you slipped yourself over a week ago. "Are you serious?" he exhaled sharply as his eyes closed, feeling like the universe was making a mockery out of him by causing a seemingly calculated accident to further mock him of his incapabilities to find you or even to show him how you must've felt when this happened to you. Now Hyunwoo knows perfectly well what it felt to see petals scattering around you as if they wanted to mark where you landed just to make you feel even more embarrassed.

Hyunwoo was just about ready to have the ground open up and swallow him whole so he could spend an eternity muddling in his own stupidity and incapabilities. But when he failed to feel the rain on him anymore, he opened his eyes to see you crouching on top of him with your bottom lip between your teeth and his umbrella covering both of you from the rain. "Are you reenacting my accident, stranger?" you teased.

Reflexes kicking in, Hyunwoo tried to sit up quickly but ended up knocking his head with yours. Quite hard actually as it sent the both of you reeling slightly back. "Oh, God! I'm so sorry!" he panicked, forgetting about his pain momentarily to tend to you, he went as far as ignoring his own pain momentarily and even forgetting that he was an awkward klutz, surprising you when he grabbed your face gently to look at the spot that was starting to turn red from the rather harsh impact. You were blushing at this point because he was closer than you thought he would be especially considering that this was your second meeting. But he didn't seem to notice it as he was so focused on you, completely oblivious that he also had a red spot from the impact, shown from between strands of hair. Seeing this, you couldn't help but giggle at him, "Okay, damn, forget you reenacting my accident, you're just clumsy." Just the sound of you giggling was enough to make his heart skip a beat and his body freeze. He wanted to believe that it was the building anticipation that took over him and distracted him from functioning as a human being.

The sound of the rain reminded you that Hyunwoo was still drenched and that you were also at risk of getting wet. As much as you liked him holding your face, you grabbed his wrist gently which caused his eyes to shift to yours from your forehead, "We should move inside the building, we don't wanna catch a cold now, do we?" you teased. Luckily, Hyunwoo seemed to realize his position fairly quickly and stood up with you. He even took the umbrella from your hand which prompted you to take his hand instead as you led him inside the building.

Despite both of your seemingly confident and calculate moves, you both were blushing like lovestruck fools (because you both were), avoiding each other's gaze as your hearts beat out of your chests. The both of you tried to convince yourselves that it wasn't the nerves it wasn't the absolute nerve-wracking realization that you both had FINALLY found each other on a day that neither of you expected. Nope, definitely not. It was... something else completely unrelated.

Once you both got inside the building, you immediately led Hyunwoo into an empty classroom and sat him down somewhere he wouldn't feel the cold draft. Hyunwoo was just glad to see you, he was following your instruction and let you lead him, situating him wherever and however you want like a little puppy. Once he was perfectly situated, you carefully folded his umbrella after taking it from his hand and placing your bag on the seat next to him. "Okay, I think I can find some towels from the clinic office, are you fine by yourself here?" you asked, cringing slightly now that you were able to see how pitiful he looked. But despite his unfortunate-looking appearance, he was smiling brightly and nodding enthusiastically, "Yeah, I'll be fine! Don't worry," he reassured. Hearing that, you nodded and immediately dash to get the things that you needed to help him.

However, just as you were about to step out, your feet halted and you took a step back into the classroom. You turned slowly and looked at him, seemingly hesitant to leave him alone. You didn't want to be dramatic, and you really do believe that the mystery cutie you had just finally found again after so long (over a week) wouldn't just disappear on you. But still, you had JUST found him. You didn't want to leave his side.

Hyunwoo seemed to notice your hesitance. The way your eyes turned just a little sad and the way your hand gripped the door clued him into your hesitance easily. He thought it was adorable how you were acting to him, to someone you barely know. "I won't go anywhere, I'll wait for you, right here." he smiled gently at you, effectively reassuring you, allowing you to leave the room with a lighter heart and a slight spring to your step which didn't go unnoticed by Hyunwoo who chuckled and shook his head at you.

Even once your steps disappeared out in the hallway, Hyunwoo couldn't help but stare at the door with a smile still etched on his face. It took some time for him to tear his eyes away and when he finally managed to, he took notice of his umbrella that was on the desk, in front of your bag that was placed next to him. There was something on it that caught his eye. Upon closer inspection, he noticed something on the handle that looked like some kind of sticker or plastic. He took the item in his hands and pulled the handle out to see that it was a plastic wrapper, plastered just a little bit above the handle with a sellotape and the more he looked at it, the more he noticed that it looked like the wrapper of the candy he bought for someone just a couple days ago. He thought that you must've added it there yourself for some reason and while technically it was his umbrella, he wasn't mad that you put a little decoration on it. "What a weird coincidence," he chuckled.

"What's a weird coincidence?" he didn't even realize that you had returned to the room until he heard your voice. He simply waved the umbrella in his hands, "Oh no, I'm just looking at this thing in my umbrella." You quirked an eyebrow as you placed one towel on another empty desk and approached him with another one, "You like that?" you grinned while handing him a towel before pulling out a chair to sit in front of him, "Some guy bought me a lollipop candy with that wrapper a couple of days ago because I guess I looked pitiful enough that he felt sorry for me," you chuckled. When you looked up, you saw Hyunwoo staring at you with his mouth slightly agape, he had even stopped drying his hair with the towel you just handed. You took his expression as his negative reaction to hearing you talk to him about some other guy while he was simply right there like as if you were trying to show off how wanted you were. With eyes widened to saucers, you raised your hands and shook them in a panicked manner, "No, I wasn't bragging! I was just- well, I didn't even know the person! Could be a guy, could be a woman with a boyish haircut, who knows?" You honestly didn't even know why you panicked in front of him, it's not like whatever he could say or think of you would matter. He's a stranger. So why does it matter to you if he perceives you positively?

Luckily before you blabber even more, Hyunwoo shook his head which was enough to shut your mouth. "No, it's not about that, it's just... You're that person?" now you're confused. Your eyebrows knitted together and you waited for Hyunwoo to say something as additional info because that sentence made no sense yet. "I... I went to the convenience store just outside the campus dormitory with two of my friends," realizing where he was going, your eyes widened and you cut him off, "One who's a civil engineering major and another who's majoring in veterinary science." Hyunwoo's heart once again skipped a beat but he couldn't help but continue what he wanted to say, "And we... I saw someone sighing in front of the ramen so I..." Again, you cut him off, "Told the cashier to give me the smiley lollipop candy."

For a moment there, you both just stared at each other, grinning like two idiots for no reason. From what you thought was an apparent misfortune as a very cute guy saw you in such an unfortunate situation, turned out to be the craziest entanglement of fate ever. It was as if you both were meant to have so much near misses so you both could meet at exactly the right moment, the right time, and the right place. Underneath the cherry blossom tree that you first fell in love with when you were so close to hating yourself for the decision that you thought was so stupid just so he could give you a new perspective on things.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

It was unfortunate (yet highly predictable) that Hyunwoo caught the flu after meeting you. Of course, his friend blamed him for wandering around for two hours aimlessly before coming back to the dorm and changing out of his wet clothes. For obvious reasons, Hyunwoo didn't tell his friends that he had finally met you. Not yet at least. The both of you agreed that after a week of your friends poking fun at each of you, it's best that you both got to know each other first. So you both exchanged numbers and had been texting each other quite frequently ever since. Hyunwoo's flu forced him to be on bed rest for three days which means that your plans of hanging out after class fell through. But to be honest, he was rather grateful for the situation because you have been sending him food and care packages to the dorm without him even asking. To avoid his friends' detection, he would more often than not say that he ordered takeouts for himself or that his mom sent him a care package. The closest call was on the last day when you sent him homemade soup that he deemed was a takeout he ordered but when Junmin received the package, it had a cute kitty sticky note that said 'get well right meow!" with two hearts at the end. It was at that moment Hyunwoo realized that it was a good thing he was rather agile because he had never moved that quick to steal the package from his friend's hands.

So after his bed rest, he was back to full health and was way more ready to go to the campus than he had ever been. He didn't even let Sumin or Minjae style him that day because as per the information he found out on day two, you actually loved his hair as a floppy mop of hair and his rather soft boy aesthetic; pastel cardigans, light jeans, and converses. So even with Minjae and Sumin following after him with verbal protests (Sumin) and a series of boos (Minjae), Hyunwoo was able to coast clear out the door.

You were no better. While Hyunwoo didn't specify what look he liked best on you (because in all honesty, he likes how you look no matter the clothes or style you were wearing), you put an effort into your clothes that day which rather surprised your friends. They were gawking and asking questions because it was quite a drastic change. It wasn't like you changed into Elle Woods or Sharpay Evans out of the blue but it was obvious that you paid attention to what you were wearing that day.

Both your and Hyunwoo's friend groups were rather confused at your smiling faces and your constant attention to your phones. It wasn't unusual for you to be focused on your phone, but for you to giggle at it openly? They thought you had gone mad from looking for a mystery cutie. Little did they know, you were simply feeling your feelings for him, the mystery cutie you now know as Hyunwoo.

You were walking with your friends after your last class of the day, happy that not only you were finally able to meet up with Hyunwoo after waiting for quite a while but also because you both orchestrated a surprise for both of your friend groups.

"I'm really worried for you, you haven't stopped smiling all day!" Haewon said, trying to get you to stop walking so fast and to talk to her. But you shrugged her off gently, stopping at where you had promised to meet Hyunwoo, under the cherry blossom tree where you and he each got your taste of the universe's prank. "Haewon, guys, I swear I'm totally fine!" You pause to shrug your laptop back to a more secure position on your shoulder, "I'm not being weird, okay? I'm just... Happy, I guess? Giddy, maybe," you grinned and it didn't reassure them whatsoever. Before either one of them could say anything, you heard someone calling you from behind and when you turned around, you saw Sumin, Hyunwoo, and the people Hyunwoo had introduced to you (informally by showing pictures of them and telling you their names), Yujun, (the cutie you asked to sit with you that one time, Yechan, Minjae, and Jinsik. "Oh!" Sumin grinned, walking faster to you with his arm around Hyunwoo's shoulder, completely oblivious of Hyunwoo's knowing smile. "Hey, (y/n)! How have you been?" he asked, "Good, Sumin, I'm glad our paper hasn't killed you like you said it would," Yechan and Jinsik snickered at this while Yujun tilted his head to the side and his lips widened into a large grin, "Oh, you're the girl who helped me find a sat for lunch last week!" he exclaimed. At this revelation, Hyunwoo raised an eyebrow at you but you just casually (while trying your best to be lowkey) waved him off as a sign that you would tell him later. "By the way," Sumin stepped up, bringing Hyunwoo to focus much to your surprise, "(y/n) I'd like for you to meet my good friend-"

Your friends' and his' jaws dropped hard onto the ground when they saw you grinning widely and reaching a hand out to Hyunwoo's tuft of hair. "I see you decided to FINALLY let your mop down today," you teased which made Hyunwoo chuckle. "Yeah, I know you said you liked my hair like this and look," he stepped out of Sumin's hold (to which Sumin's hand just flopped uselessly next to his body) to spread his arms wide, showing off his look, "I'm wearing a cardigan too!" You have to admit that you couldn't help but bite your bottom lip at his adorable navy and light blue heart cardigan and Hyunwoo couldn't deny that seeing you look at him like that made his chest puff out with pride. Yujun and Yechan began clambering and reaching to clutch each other when they saw Hyunwoo reaching out to grab your laptop bag from your arm and offered his elbow to you. With a tilt of his head, Hyunwoo made a show to you (and his friends for good measure) when he said, "Shall we?" to which you gratefully accepted. Before you both took off, you turned around slightly and look at Hyunwoo's friends, "Told you his mystery girl was someone from Sumin's class." And Hyunwoo took a look at your friends with the most charming smile he could muster, "Aren't you glad the things that happened to (y/n) led her to this moment?"

As you both walked away, your friends and his began erupting into exclaims of disbelief and surprise but also relief. It was absolutely priceless and you would have definitely paid to see it in slow motion and to know exactly what they thought or said when it finally dawned upon them what had just happened. Overall, you both were just glad that things worked out in the end, everything worked out perfectly fine and oddly enough they all happened in one place.

Something told you that from that day forward, you both would love that stupid cherry blossom tree.

permalist :

@yvnnieurl @kodzukein @phenomenalgirl9 @skzatzloveismonsterous @memorymonster @thesolarplanetarysystem @dreamlesswonder86 @maddiebabyxoxo @imababywolf @do-you-actually-care @marievllr-abg @ilsedingsx @wasteitonserendipity @bbymatz @noonaishere @honeyhwaaa @ateezourstars @yoonjunshi @yoongiigolden @camillelafaye @charreddonuts @jcngh0-hq @kpopnightingale @starryunho @atinct @mirror-juliet @hyuckilstan @jayb17 @kpoplover718 @haatohwa @x-bluee @erinaimeexx @blackb3ll @mingiholic @angelicyeo @vampcharxter @meowmeowminnie @marvelous-llama @kawennote09 @hongjoong-lovebot @ming-ki @stopeatread @spooo00oky

Network :

@cultofdionysusnet @kflixnet

[fryandleelasbigfling]

there's an argument that i see recurring in the futurama fandom -- i think it's a minority opinion but i've seen it across multiple platforms, from multiple people, and it very much annoys me so i'm making my lengthy counterargument. this will be ranty and i apologize.

the idea that fry and leela are toxic because "leela wanted him to change for her" is such a weird and even reductive way to not just view the ship, but relationships in general.

(this is a long post, because i have a lot of Feelings on the topic, so i'll put a readmore.)

first off leela has always liked fry. maybe not romantically (there's signs that she had a crush on him early on, but it didn't get serious til way down the line), but she related to him, took pity on him, and quit her job for him (which! was! illegal!) because he gave her the courage to do so. in the second episode, he also helps her see the beauty on the moon, something she used to take for granted. she has always seen potential in fry to inspire her and open her eye to new possibilities.

but she still has a lot of hang-ups about fry, leading into the "she needed him to change" thing. here's the thing about fry and leela: leela does not force fry to change, she inspires fry to change, because she believes he can change. bender and leela are the first ones to meet fry and understand his situation, his loneliness, the feeling you don't belong anywhere. the difference is that while bender often indulges fry's more immature and selfish traits, leela is more willing to protect fry's safety and call him out on his stupidity. for some reason (probably projection), people think this is abusive. yes, leela can be hard on him (so can the entire crew, but for some reason, people only get mad when it's the female lead being mean), but it's because she's his captain and his friend and his recklessness often puts himself and others in danger. "my three suns" and "brannigan begin again" both showcase how dangerous it can be if fry (and bender) don't have leela to reel them in.

and i think fry is aware of this, and feels bad about it, so as the series progresses, he tries more often to take command and help her out when he can (i.e. learning to fly the ship). there's also "parasites lost" where he decides he only wants to earn leela's affection if it comes entirely from him, and i've seen the argument that this proves leela only likes him if he changes, but a lot of what fry said were his true feelings, so it's really setting up that leela could be attracted to fry if fry could understand his own feelings well enough to articulate them with confidence (and not bring up his exes in the meantime, lmao). even in the most recent episode, he cleans up his apartment for leela's sake.

people sometimes compare leela to michelle. they're both forceful but lonely women who often take authority over fry. but the difference is that michelle doesn't really see value in fry beyond manipulating him to make herself feel better by comparison. i'd also like to bring up morgan, who explicitly romanticized fry being a lazy slob... and fry never really looks that happy about it! he goes along with it because he goes along with pretty much anything (he explicitly says he dated her because he was desperate), but a relationship where his worst habits are indulged isn't what he wants or needs. fry has spent his whole life being told he's worthless, and he's kind of accepted that, but leela sees his good heart and charm and she does want that for herself, but she's also honest about what stands in the way.

and here's a bit of a personal note: i know many people who relate to fry are neurodivergent. i am too! and it can hurt being seen as "immature" or feeling like you have to conform to neurotypical standards to be accepted. but you know what else sucks? wanting to be better, but not knowing how to be better, and not having any motivation to be better. leela was that motivation. i struggled for years believing i didn't need to be better because my mental health issues were so intrinsic to my identity, and accepting that i can be Myself but still be Healthy was very useful. i find a lot of the fry-leela plot very empowering, as i like to believe there's someone who will like my quirks but also push me in the right direction. leela thinks fry is silly and stupid, and she often strongly disagrees with his tastes, but she is endeared by his unique approach to love because of how genuine he is about it all (see: her love for his office supplies dinner in "fry and leela's big fling," and even the bit with the wine glasses in bender's big score).

fry knows leela is also lonely and miserable, but that she appreciates his company, to the point he believes "she'll never be happy without me" (a mindset he outgrows as it makes him unhealthily jealous and clingy). the entire point of bender's big score is that, as messed up as lars is, leela is attracted to a version of fry who better understands how to talk to her, and this experience helps her appreciate fry a lot more going forward as she truly sees he has the potential to be a good boyfriend. she just needed to see it detached from fry himself. and fry learns to let leela be happy even before he knows about lars' identity! he is capable of growth on his own because he hates seeing her upset!

as for why leela takes forever to commit to him... well, with his impulsivity issues, unintentional rudeness, questionable hygiene, and internalized sexism, he takes a while to be the kind of person she's willing to date. and she's not entitled to him! yes, it is annoying how flippant she can be (though that's also an issue with the writers not wanting to commit), and she absolutely sucks at communication. but if we can take fry's background into consideration here, we also need to take leela's into consideration. she grew up alone, bullied, neglected, repeatedly told she was unloved, and multiple times she trusted someone who said they loved her, only to be discarded once they got what they wanted from her (i.e. sex and labor). she is also terrified of being judged and thus puts a lot of weight on being successful and normal, with her relationships being an extension of that. "the cyber house rules" is all about how she wants to be with a man who makes her look good. this is a character flaw she overcomes as all these men of high status treat her like dirt and she realizes fry is the one who cares about her the most, and she doesn't have to compromise just to be taken seriously.

but fry is her best friend, the only one who really gets her (besides her parents), and she has a lot to lose if she dates him and it goes poorly, and she's too insecure to trust that she's worth it. which is why it's great that fry becomes a better person for her! she deserves to be treated with respect! and episodes like "fun on a bun" show that not only does fry change for her, he also helps her loosen up in turn, and let herself act more carefree and childish after having to grow up and conform to society so fast. "the impossible stream" also shows leela making an effort to be less judgmental, even if she worries fry could be in danger. so it is definitely not just fry who changes for this relationship.

generally i think people who hate leela and make her out to be so emotionally abusive are projecting something personal that isn't there and missing the scope of fry and leela's complex relationship, and it feels unfair. especially when other (male) characters who do the same things and worse (particularly bender) get a pass. she's far from perfect, and that makes her a great character, but she grows and learns, and so does fry -- because they want to learn and grow for each other's sake.

[jingledbells]

hey. I know this probably won’t help much, and you don’t even have to answer this if you don’t wish (I totally understand), but you are not alone. The b//frd stuff is genuinely stressing me out. It is literally everywhere. Not only that but people insisting and claiming it’s canon over and over again. I genuinely hate this ship with every fiber of my being so seeing it being shoved in my face over and over is just exhausting. I’ve quit going on many platforms for this sole reason, and I’m only still on tumblr because I can block tags and look at only blogs I follow (who post great content such as yours.) I felt stupid for this but it helps me that I’m not alone… I had a panic attack over this, too. I physically feel the anxiety after I see these posts over and over again. It’s making it hard for me to enjoy probably my favorite character in fiction ever (ford). So… yeah. I’m terrible at articulating my feelings sometimes, especially when they are a jumbled, anxiety riddled mess like this, but just know that there are some people out here who feel the same and know that romanizing their relationship is just… awful. Thank you for taking the time to read all this, and I do hope it’ll get better. At some point. It did help me to see I’m not alone in feeling this way (I sometimes feel alone because of the endless ship content), so thank you, I suppose. And I’m sorry if I’m making this about me too much, I just.. yeah, just wanted to talk about this a bit. We will get through this.

aww man I’m so sorry to hear u had to go through this too,,,I’m glad I’m not alone tho. it’s just so frustrating to see it fucking everywhere, it feels like I literally cannot enjoy anything anymore. the other day I tried to think about something non gf related and went into another ship tag and you wouldn’t believe the first thing I saw there. I’m so mad at this fandom right now and it physically pains me that so much of this fandom either doesn’t realize it’s abuse or knows and just refuses to treat it with tact and continues to romanticize it

[peachmi1k]

hey guys. i can’t believe i actually have to make a post like this, but it apparently really needs to be said because some of y’all don’t know how to act right. trigger warning for self harm, suicide, and cursing cause i’m mad af

lately some of my mutuals have been getting some asks that simply aren’t okay, ie requesting they write things about reader being admitted to the psych ward, etc.

i genuinely cannot fathom how anyone thinks that’s an appropriate thing to ask for from a stranger on the internet. you might think it’s quirky and cute but some of us have genuine issues that are absolutely disgusting of you to be trying to romanticize like this.

i have had severe depression for my entire teenage and adult life. i lost my best friend to suicide when i was 17. pain from something like that never ever goes away. another one of my best friends tried to unalive herself when i was 22. i worry about her every day. before finally being medicated at 18 i was going through the absolute hardest time of my life regarding my mental health, and surprise, it wasn’t fucking fun.

i have to assume that the people sending in these asks have no clue what its like to be in this situation or don’t know anyone who has, because if you did, you would know that shit like this shouldn’t be talked about this way.

and i will say, i am a firm believer that you are welcome to cope with your own trauma however you see fit, as long as you are not hurting anyone. yes, i joke about my own trauma with my close friends, because its mine, and however i choose to make myself feel better, i’ve earned that right.

but there are still boundaries that must be respected when it comes to things like this. i know that joking with my very close friends will not make them uncomfortable, because they too share some of the same trauma as me.

however, an account you follow because you like their writing is someone who you know very very little about. we choose what we get to share on social media, and extremely sensitive topics like this need to be respected in the presence of someone you know next to nothing about.

you don’t know if the people you’re asking these things of have been in this situation, and it’s extremely dangerous to assume you can joke about thinks like this with people you don’t know. you could genuinely fucking hurt someone.

people who are actually admitted to a psych ward are people that struggle just living a day to day life. its not a fucking vacation, they are suffering and they need help. and some of you, sending in your stupid fucking asks like “omg being lovey dovey with cc in a mental institution” is so insulting its insane.

grow the fuck up. this isn’t wattpad 2012 core, mental illness isn’t a “just girly things uwu” quirk. its real, and its serious. attempt to see someone else’s perspective. step into the real world for one fucking second and get yourself a reality check.

if you disagree with anything i’ve just said, don’t let me catch you on this blog. as max said, if this makes you angry then it fucking should. you are not welcome here.

[xbeezchaos]

BPD Scara! X reader pt.5

How he handles his jealousy/someone else gets in his way

The bitches have spoke. And by bitches I mean the lovely little audience I’ve acquired that loves my scara bpd series. I’ve got some shit in the works but this gives me the perfect space to write. Keep in mind. All this is based off my unmedicated internal thoughts along with external actions. Don’t self diagnose and if you relate to this. You’re not a psychopath don’t romanticize having a bpd partner cause not everyone’s like me.

Anyways. Let’s continue!!

He’s liked you for so long that if anything he’d break if you rejected him. So he’s mostly kept his feelings bottled up and been very particular about expressing them.

He has a fear that if he goes too far in expressing his emotions to you. That you’ll leave.

Has written you love letters confessing his undying love for you and the things he’d do for you

Makes playlists with songs you like and that remind him of you so he can daydream about you when you’re away from him

The moment you give him a taste of affection he’s asking for more like a touch starved little pup.

He’s clingy and defensive with you in public. He will fight a bitch that looks at you for too long

Has almost been arrested but somehow convinced the officers he beat the crap out of the dude in self defense and got let off easy

Has a photo album of you filled with many pictures of the both of you to stalker like photos of you

Learns your whole schedule so he knows when to text, when to call and go over.

You’re definitely his favorite person. But a romantic favorite person which means you’re his whole world

If anyone ever tried flirting with him and it’s not you. Trust he’d make that person cry, or pour hot coffee on them if they tried touching him

He hates physically contact if it isn’t coming from you. When he’s in his “don’t touch me” mood. It rarely ever applies to you cause he’s seeking you out for comfort

Can’t compliment you or be fully soft and romantic with you without adding in a form of insult to it.

“I love you, stupid bitch.” You would’ve thought he was joking but the way he avoids eye contact and tries to hide the both on his face tells you he’s serious

He loves to cuddle. And wants to kiss and squish your cute face in his hands anytime he gets the chance. But you’d probably never leave his arms if that were to happen.

Rarely gets mad at you. You’d have to do something super fucked up to make him pissed at you and stay pissed at you. But for this. Let’s crack into how he’d act if you upset him.

If you were his romantic FP and you had a partner. He’d hate your partner with his whole being. Treat them like shit. Talk down on them. Just straight up bully the poor thing until they didn’t like him and you had to reprimand him.

If you reprimand him he’ll still not see a problem with his behaviors. In his mind he’s right and the other persons wrong for stealing you away. How dare they take what’s his? Fuck them!

Even tho he really gets mad at you. His paranoia will sometimes trigger him into a silent episode where he’ll ignore you because he’s convinced you hate him and talking to you will prove it (you literally don’t hate him but he hasn’t come to a rational mind yet)

If you’re a platonic FP— you’ve got it somewhat easier. But it’s just the lacking romance part. He’s still going to be a black cat sitting at your feet, attacking people that try to come near you.

Platonic fps for him are like. His best friends. You’ll be his best friend and anyone who passes a threat to that relationship is clearly asking for him to just tease them apart mentally.

You’ve witnessed him target a persons every physical and mental insecurity and issues like they were big red targets on their bodies for him to shoot at. He’s relentless and careless when he’s tearing someone down. You’ve never heard such hurtful or creative insults flow like poetry from someone before.

Has a secret addiction to confrontation. The adrenaline rush is like a drug for him especially when he knows he’ll be the victor of the situation

[ileftherbackhome]

me talking about some random loser: claiming that taylor should have used the word romanticization instead of nostalgia because "you can't be nostalgic about a time period you haven't lived in" is fucking stupid because there is a concept called "historical nostalgia" that describes exactly this phenomenon lol and she literally never painted the 1830s out to be better than they actually are because she explicitly states that the time period sucks and she's fucking hate it there too so romanticization where??????

another random loser mad that i'm making too much sense: IT IS ROMANTICIZATION TAYLOR SWIFT IS HARMING BIPOC FANS BY IGNORING ALL THE RACIST LAWS THAT DON'T AFFECT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: can you take a chill pill and explain to me how taylor swift stating that the 1830s sucks and had racism in it is harming bipoc fans. i'll fucking wait.

some loser: blocks me without explaining how taylor saying she doesn't want to live in the 1830s with all the racism and sexism there is harming bipoc community??????

yall are so fucking unserious man.

[dollfailuress-archive]

i am no longer pro endo .. i absolutely hate how they romanticize this stupid disorder !! i hate having to share my body with other people .. i hate dissociation .. and imagining someone being happy with that ?? being completely functional ?? BEING HELPED BY THEIR HEADMATES ?? IT MAKES ME SO UNBELIEVABLY FURIOUS AND JEALOUS AND ALL SORTS OF BAD THINGS !!!! i do believe that non disordered plurality can exist ,, but ,, and i don '' t care if this sounds petty ,, the very fact it does exist drives me FUCKING mad ..

[ladygoth]

tbh another thing that bothers me about the whole situation is like some of those people i followed for a while when i first joined the fandom on tumblr and to find out they support and encourage that :(

and like everyone gets mad at you saying kys and focusing on that but not the other actual important shit and main point (for a reason id assume) and like just the defense of you have written dubcon and noncon like, its very diff than literal rape and thats the stuff thats used at the coping skill not actual rape itself. you never said anything is wrong with coping with it using dubcon either like ? idk its just im angry but more-so just sad and disappointed people i admired for their work romanticizing something that ruined my life as well as many others

idk like everyone says you’re stupid but they’re getting mad about one post and i get some people being triggered and having diff opinions about that and jokes etc but missed the complete main point and continue to miss the main points youve made and taking it out of context putting words in your mouth? maybe im rambling and makes no sense i usually just sit back and let shit happen when its online but like i just had to say something. plus them saying youre just a troll and a hater for your responses like, when you keep trying to tell someone something and they are adamant or just cant listen or recognize your points plus keep harassing you you’re just gonna stop trying at a certain point?

and the whole thing about you like not supporting victim’s coping mechanisms confuses the ever living shit out of me because you speaking up about the rape (not noncon/dubcon) fetish which is literally standing up for that and speaking against it? idk. lot i wanna say but wont cus people on here clearly lose their shit but tldr you haven’t done anything wrong, thank you for speaking up and keep trying and for just being a good person and advocator, it means the world and warms my heart to see 🫶

sorry people are so mean and hateful (ironic they say you are yet look all they are doing and saying) and i hope you’re doing okay from it all❤️

mwah <3

yes, me and my friends were laughing at how bad they were missing the point when they were crying in my comments and asks. they can call me stupid all they want, i'd rather be an idiot than be someone who plays into SA culture, and it was intriguing how they said i was writing about dub-con when both characters were both still heavily aware of their surroundings and what they had wanted with each other. and i know that because i was the writer, the way they speak you'd think they were with me in my room when i was writing it, but oh well.

and them doing that either way still is a win for me because that means they agree with what my main perspective was LMAO. they were doing essays with my writings, and i'll give them an U for how bad their assumptions were.

glad to know that i got middle aged broke back women who will barely know what it actually feels and means to be loved and doesnt need to turn to SA culture to feel something panties in a twist. and thank you for this ask, i'm doing well and have been focusing on my future projects! <3