#and this is why my grandpa always remind to control the board first instead of attack attack attack

[myparentssurplus720]

Now the revelation about DATV's PC is named Rook, I remember that it was a rook piece who checkmated the enemy's king during the Immortal Game.

Foreshadowing about the end result of Solas' plan, perhaps? And who will the Rook pull a castling at?

[miguel-manbemel]

Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 27: A Side is Born Part 2: Grown and Lost

New episode of this fic inspired on Sanders Sides by Thomas Sanders, Joan S. and the Foster Dawg Team. Thank you so much for the good reception that the previous episode had. Now, the story continues, right where it ended. Each episode is gonna feature in the beginning a quick reminder from the most important events in the previous episode, with the fun fact that these reminders are embedded in the story and are of an unique style for each part. Nedless to say, these reminders are full of spoilers from these previous episodes if you haven’t read them. May you enjoy this second part of the story and until next week.

WARNINGS: Romantic prinxiety and logicality. Some light innuendo. Fair warning that in the last part of this episode, the mood switches to strong angst.

SYNOPSIS: In front of the others, Chris has started growing at great speed and they wonder why is it happening. In the middle of this, fearing that they will never know him as a child, Roman decides to take the boy to Sandersia so that Ira and Roland get the news of the newborn before that newborn is an adult himself.

EPISODE INDEX

[a sign reading “In the previous episode..." appears. Flashback images from the previous episode are shown while Roman’s voice is heard off-screen]

NARRATOR-ROMAN: [off-voice] Today has been a memorable day in so many senses. It all started this morning when Virgil suddenly felt not so good…

VIRGIL: I didn’t want to concern you, Roman. Probably it’s just something I’ve eaten that’s not agreeing with my stomach.

ROMAN: Still, my duty as your husband is taking care of you when you’re feeling bad. I thought we had agreed on not hiding things from each other.

VIRGIL: Don’t worry, Roman, I’m sure this is not serious.

NARRATOR-ROMAN: [off-voice] But very soon, things started spiraling out of control.

THOMAS: Heh… It’s funny. If you weren’t a man I would say that you’ve got all the symptoms of being pregnant.

[Virgil slowly lowers his hands from his face and looks at Thomas with a face of horror]

THOMAS: [serious] Wait… don’t tell me that you can…

VIRGIL: Oh… my… goodness… [putting his hands on his belly] For the love of Gerard Way…

THOMAS: But… this is not a Sims game! Since when can a person with male reproductive organs get pregnant!?

NARRATOR-ROMAN: [off-screen] Yep, surprise. We had a bun in the oven. Although it looked more like a micro-wave oven, cause the bun was cooking really fast…

VIRGIL: [in pain, putting his hand on his belly] Aw!

ROMAN: [scared] What was that, Virgil! Are you okay?

VIRGIL: I… I think so… He moved inside me, and kicked me really hard from my insides. It was so weird…

ROMAN: Seriously, Logan. How can this go so fast? This morning he was having the first nausea and now he looks as if he was six months pregnant already!

LOGAN: Well, as I told you, we’re not human. Maybe instead of nine months, Virgil’s pregnancy will be only nine hours. Probably less, judging how fast it’s going.

NARRATOR-ROMAN: [off-voice] And before we could know how, Virgil was lying on the couch in labor.

LOGAN: The next thing coming out of there will be the baby. Now, one last time, use all your might you have left and push as if tomorrow would never come. Now!

VIRGIL: [pushing] NNNNNGGGGGHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!

LOGAN: Here it comes!

[A bright magenta smoke comes out of Virgil’s body. As it comes out forming a magenta cloud, Virgil’s belly shrinks until it returns to its normal flat form, while he shows a face of huge alleviation. Then, the cloud floats to Virgil’s chest and after some seconds, it disappears, to reveal a little baby dressed only with magenta diapers. The baby starts crying]

LOGAN: Well, it’s done. Good job, Virgil.

VIRGIL: [with his eyes full of tears] I… I… look at him, Roman.

ROMAN: [crying] I’m looking at him, Virgil. He’s as handsome as his dad. And I mean you.

NARRATOR-ROMAN: [off-voice] And we thought that was it. We had our newborn son, Chris, we were set to live happily ever after as a family… and that was all. But there was another surprise on board for the evening…

VIRGIL: Um… guys…

ROMAN: What?

VIRGIL: It looks like our little baby is not so… little… anymore… Look…

[Virgil takes Chris out of the cradle. Except that it is now a three year old boy]

CHRIS: [giggling and poking Virgil’s nose] Dad, I want pizza!

THOMAS AND ROMAN: [overlapping] Whaaat!?

[image of narrator Roman looking at the camera]

NARRATOR-ROMAN: And so here we are. What’s happened to our son? What is gonna happen next. Stay tuned, everyone.

VIRGIL: [off-screen] Roman, will you cut it out and come here already!?

NARRATOR-ROMAN: Sorry, Virge. I’m going. Rolling title screen.

[intro sequence]

THOMAS: What… has happened?

VIRGIL: Are you asking me? I don’t know how this works, Thomas, this is my first son.

CHRIS: Dad, I want pizza!

ROMAN: Don’t you think you’re too young for pizza, young boy?

[Chris looks at Roman, then his eyes get full of tears]

CHRIS: [crying] I want pizzaaaaa!

THOMAS: Well, I guess now I know which Side has inherited my passion for pizza.

VIRGIL: We’re gonna need help. Dad! Logan! Could you come here, please?

[Logan and Patton are risen up in Patton’s spot. They are kissing, unaware of their surroundings]

ROMAN: [saying the actual word] Ahem…

[Logan and Roman stop kissing and look scared at the others]

LOGAN: [angry] Hey, do you think this is an appropriate time to call!? We were… [looking nervously at Patton who is just blushing and looking away] busy!

THOMAS: I’m sorry, guys. But this is another… emergency. Look.

[Thomas points at Chris who is still crying next to Virgil]

PATTON: Who’s that boy?

VIRGIL: It’s Chris, dad. Your grandson.

PATTON: What?

ROMAN: He has just aged three years in a matter of a second and we don’t know how.

LOGAN: Oh, wow… I didn’t expect that…

PATTON: Why is he crying?

VIRGIL: He wants pizza. But I don’t think he’s old enough to eat it. I mean, he’s only five hours old. It could sit bad in his stomach. He was drinking his formula just half an hour ago.

PATTON: Young boy, crying is not the way to get the things that you want. If you want to get something, you must learn to say “Please” and “Thank you”. And even so, sometimes we just can’t get what we want and we must learn to deal with it.

[Chris stops crying, then looks at Patton]

CHRIS: [with a cute innocent voice] Please, grandpa. Can I get some pizza?

PATTON: [squeeing] He’s called me grandpa! Of course you can, kiddo. Take all the pizza you want!

CHRIS: [happy smile] Thank you, grandpa!

VIRGIL: Wait, dad, I don’t think that…

[But Chris has already jumped to the pizza and started devouring it]

ROMAN: Oh, my gosh…

VIRGIL: He looks like the cookie monster…

[Suddenly Chris stops eating. He stands still with a face of nausea]

VIRGIL: What is it, Chris? Are you okay? I told you not to eat that pizza!

[Chris burps loudly. As the burp goes out, he starts growing]

VIRGIL: Look! He’s growing again!

[In a matter of seconds, Chris looks like a twelve-year-old boy]

ROMAN: He eats and then grows? Perhaps I should have called him Alice.

PATTON: Like Alice in Wonderland? Hey, think! If he drinks some milk, the kid may shrink back. Oooh… I love alliteration.

CHRIS: Guys, why are you all staring at me? [looks at himself] Oh… I see, it’s because I’m still in these diapers. Hold on, I’ll fix that.

[Chris points at himself and his clothes change to a medieval princely outfit, similar to Prince Phillip from Sleepy Beauty, but the suit is white with a red belt, and the sleeves are dark purple. The cape is magenta and has a hood. He sports Roman’s shield on the chest, but with the background in magenta and a stormy cloud over the castle]

CHRIS: That’s more like it.

ROMAN: [with a smile of emotional joy] Oh, my God… You look… majestic!

CHRIS: Thank you, father. If I’m a prince, I must look like it.

VIRGIL: [same emotional joy] And you even carry a hood! I’m so proud!

CHRIS: I knew you’d like it, dad.

LOGAN: Hmm… Not only he’s growing physically at great speed. He’s also growing mentally. At this rate, he’ll look just as adult as anyone of us in a short time… Chris.

CHRIS: Yes, Logan?

LOGAN: Would you mind if I performed a check on you?

CHRIS: What for, grandpa?

LOGAN: Because… wait, grandpa?

CHRIS: You’re Patton’s boyfriend, aren’t you? That makes you my grandfather-in-law.

LOGAN: Well, technically not until we marry and… wait, we’re deviating. I need to make sure that you’re in perfect condition and that this quick growth is normal.

CHRIS: Okay, grandpa, help yourself.

[Logan gets a little nervous over being called grandpa again, but he puts himself together and places his hand on Chris’ chest. Logan starts shaking for a couple of seconds, then takes his hand off]

LOGAN: I see…

VIRGIL: What?

LOGAN: Chris is totally fine. There’s nothing wrong with him at all. This quick growth is perfectly natural.

ROMAN: But there must be a reason why he’s growing up so fast. We didn’t grow up that quickly.

PATTON: Well, as far as I remember, I was always an adult, so…

LOGAN: Yes, but that’s because you chose to have an adult shape on purpose, or so you said.

PATTON: To be honest, I don’t remember at all, Logan. What I said is my own explanation to that fact. When I met all of you, I always met you sharing the same age Thomas had at that moment in life, but back then, I was already an adult. When I try to go back in my memories, there’s always a moment when everything goes blurry until there’s nothing more.

LOGAN: That’s what always happens, Patton. No human can remember the first two to three years from their existence at all and their memories are blurry until they get around 6 or more. And guys, it’s true that we all took our time to grow up, but you’re forgetting one important detail.

VIRGIL: What?

LOGAN: Chris was born as a baby while Thomas was an adult. It was only natural, as Virgil would have exploded if he had to hold an adult body inside of him. But that doesn’t change the fact that we, as Sides of Thomas, must share with him, among other things, the same age. Chris was born as a baby, but now he’s bound to grow up at a fast pace to catch up to Thomas’ age. Then, he’ll start aging normally like all of us, at Thomas’ same pace.

THOMAS: Oh… Is that all?

LOGAN: Yes. What did you expect?

THOMAS: I don’t know, things with you don’t tend to be so simple.

CHRIS: Are you calling me simple, Thomas?

THOMAS: No, I wasn’t calling you…

CHRIS: [pulling out a classic medieval sword and a shield decorated with the same insignia on his chest, speaking with a theatrical melodramatic voice] Cause I could pull out my sword and challenge you to a duel, my good sir!

LOGAN: [sighs] He’s just as dramatic as his father.

ROMAN: [squeeing] He even has a shield of his own! Oh, my God, you look gorgeous! And what is also great is that now I’ll have someone to practice fencing with. [hopping] Oh, my goodness, I’m so happy right now!

VIRGIL: [smirks] Be careful, my love. You’re gonna slip on the puddle of your drool.

ROMAN: I suddenly had an idea. Since it’s clear that we’re too excited to go to bed right now…

LOGAN: [looking at Patton] Well, I was really excited to go to bed a moment ago…

ROMAN: [beat] You’ll have time for that later. I think we should take Chris to Sandersia, so that he meets my brother Roland and Ira. They don’t even know that he’s been born and I can’t wait to see their faces.

THOMAS: Isn’t it a little late for a journey, though? It’s eleven o’clock, and I’m a little tired, you know? Couldn’t we leave this for tomorrow? It’ll be Sunday, and I have all the day free of compromises.

ROMAN: [begging] Oh, come on! I want them to see him while he’s still a child! If we wait, he’ll be an adult already, and it just wouldn’t have the same surprise effect! I don’t wanna miss it! Pleaaase!

THOMAS: [sighs] Okay, if it’s so important to you, okay.

ROMAN: [hopping] Yayyy!

THOMAS: Are you good to walk, Virge? You’ve just given birth some hours ago.

VIRGIL: Oh, I think I’ll be fine, Thomas. I don’t have any pains and I feel strong enough.

LOGAN: You don’t need to fear for Virgil, Thomas. His recovery will be a lot quicker than in normal physical childbirths. If he doesn’t go through too intense physical activities at least for tonight, he’ll be fine, and tomorrow he’ll be good as gravy.

THOMAS: Okay.

ROMAN: Then it’s settled!

THOMAS: Okay… Let’s go to Sandersia, then.

[All of them sink down and rise up in Roman’s room, then they head to Sandersia. It’s nighttime over there too. They all get in the royal carriage, always waiting at the door as usual, and head to the royal castle. As usual too, the carriage arrives in no time]

ROMAN: Well, here we are. Oh, the door is locked? That’s weird.

LOGAN: Weird? What did you expect, a welcome committee? You didn’t announce our visit and it’s freaking nighttime!

ROMAN: Not for long, though.

[Roman rises both hands. In a matter of seconds, the sky turns blue and the sun rises over the sea]

LOGAN: [a little blinded by the sudden sunlight] That’s cheating.

[Roman knocks the door using the knocker several times]

VOICE: [from inside] Okay, okay… why the rush?

[the noise of locks opening from inside are heard and the door opens. Ira comes outside wearing a green pajama

IRA: Oh, it’s you. When I told you to come for a visit, I didn’t mean for you to come in the middle of the… [noticing the sun is in the sky, confused] …morning? Did I oversleep? What time is it?

ROMAN: Oh, it’s twelve midnight, I just did a little tweak, so that you didn’t trip over anything in the dark.

IRA: But why? Is there any emergency of some kind?

ROMAN: Yes, and no. I just want Roland and you to meet someone.

IRA: Someone? [noticing the presence of Chris] Oh, good morning… I mean evening… I mean… whatever.

CHRIS: Good evening, sir.

IRA: And who is this lad, if I may ask, Roman?

ROMAN: I’m not telling yet, it’s a surprise. Go call my brother, please. I want you two to know who he is at the same time.

IRA: Okay. I’ll call Roland. You can wait in the throne room. Come in, make yourselves a home.

ROMAN: Thanks, Ira.

[Roman and the others get to the throne room while Ira goes away]

THOMAS: [yawns] Roman, I’m a little sleepy. We should have waited till tomorrow.

ROMAN: Hold on a little bit, Thomothy. Soon we’ll be done. Maybe we could even sleep here if Roland lets us.

THOMAS: Is that possible for me, though? What would happen if I fell asleep while inside the Mind Palace?

LOGAN: Well, for certain we would all fall asleep with you. All except Virgil, who is the only one that, if he wants to, can resist sleep or wake up while you slumber, due to him being your fight-or-flight impulses.

CHRIS: I can do that too. A gift from my dad.

VIRGIL: Oh, that’s good to know.

THOMAS: But would Sandersia stay in place?

LOGAN: Of course, Thomas. For Sandersia to have structural problems, you would need something worse than sleep. You’d have to be almost in a coma.

THOMAS: Well, I’m not going to that extent to do the experiment, and besides I don’t want Sandersia to be damaged, so it’s good to know that. Thanks, Logan.

LOGAN: No problem.

[Roman and Ira enter the throne room. Roland is wearing a dressing coat]

ROLAND: Hi, Roman, hi guys.

ROMAN: Hi, Roland.

IRA: Okay. We’re both here. Why all the rush, Roman?

ROMAN: Well, let me introduce you to our new addition to the family. This is Chris. Chris, these are my brother Roland and our good friend Ira.

CHRIS: Good evening. Nice to meet you.

ROLAND: Nice to meet you.

IRA: Good evening.

ROMAN: I think I’m gonna let him to properly introduce himself. Okay, go ahead.

CHRIS: Well, my name is Christian Gerard Sanders. And I’m the Side of Angsty Creativity. But you can call me Chris.

ROLAND: Angsty… Creativity?

IRA: Hold on, weren’t those two concepts assigned to Virgil and you earlier? [face of realization and shock, then he smiles widely] Oh! Oh, my goodness, I get it! Congratulations, Roman!

ROLAND: What? What’s the matter?

IRA: Don’t you see? This boy is the son of Virgil and Roman! Angsty Creativity!

ROLAND: Oh, my goodness! How…? When…? Congratulations, guys!

[Roland and Ira hug Roman and Virgil, then they also give a quick hug to Chris]

ROLAND: I should have paid more attention. Of course he’s your son. His shield is a mix of both your insignias. I’m so happy to meet you, young man.

CHRIS: I’m happy to meet you too, uncle Roland.

ROLAND: Oh, that’s right. This boy is my nephew. And as your son… he’s the new heir to the throne of Sandersia! That’s great! But when did this happen?

VIRGIL: Today.

ROLAND: Today?

VIRGIL: Well, yesterday already. He was born just a few hours ago.

ROLAND: But he’s so grown-up already!

CHRIS: [suddenly showing a funny face] Oh…

ROLAND: What’s wrong?

CHRIS: If you think I’m a grown up now… wait and see…

[Chris points at his own clothes. They grow until they are of an adult size, too big for him]

ROLAND: Why would you do that?

CHRIS: [suddenly with adult voice that startles everyone] It’s happening again, I can feel it.

[Chris starts growing up in front of Roland and Ira, who watch with a stunned expression. In a matter of a few seconds he looks like an adult, and his outfit fits him perfectly]

IRA: I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe. But now… now I’ve just seen everything.

CHRIS: Well, I think the growing phase is over. Now I just have to age a little bit until I get synchronized with Thomas’ age and that will be it. Now I’m totally ready to start working as a Side of Thomas.

VIRGIL: Oh, my God… Kids grow so fast. It feels like yesterday when I was cradling you in my arms and now you’re a full grown-up man. Except that it was literally yesterday, of course.

CHRIS: It’s okay, dad. I may look like an adult, but I’m still your one day old son, ready to learn from you and father anything you’re willing to teach me to be a better Side.

VIRGIL: [bursting in tears] Why am I suddenly so emotional lately? Yesterday, I would have dismissed all these emotions as corny and now look at me. This feeling of love is so overwhelming I can barely resist it.

PATTON: [putting his hand on Virgil’s shoulder] Welcome to my world, kiddo. Nice to have you. That’s exactly how I feel about you all the time.

VOICE: [evil mocking tone] Isn’t this nice?

[everyone starts looking in all directions trying to find the source of the voice]

THOMAS: Who’s there!?

VOICE: I’ve been waiting for so long for this moment to come and finally, it’s here!

[Suddenly, Chris is surrounded by what looks like a dark bubble]

CHRIS: What gives!?

[the door opens and the Dark Master enters in, wearing a black cloak with silver ornaments on the shoulders and the hood. The dark bubble flies next to him with Chris inside]

THOMAS: You again? How many times do we have to defeat you, boy?

DARK MASTER: Long time no see, Light Master.

ROMAN: [pulling out his samurai sword] Release our son! Right now!

DARK MASTER: Release him? Oh, sure, I will release him, as soon as I’m done with him.

VIRGIL: If you touch just one hair of him, I swear…

DARK MASTER: Oh, don’t worry emo, I’m not going to harm him. I need him in one piece for my plans.

VIRGIL: [progressively angrier and more hysterical as he speaks] What plans? What are you going to do to him? Let him go, you bast**!

DARK MASTER: Let him go? After all the time I’ve been waiting for one of his kind to appear? Never.

PATTON: What’s so special about him? I don’t understand.

DARK MASTER: [giggles evilly] I certainly did a good job with you, Patton.

PATTON: What?

DARK MASTER: Erasing your memories was so easy. It wasn’t a perfect work, but nevertheless it worked. You wouldn’t even try to get your memories back. You just got contented and started behaving like the stupid father figure you are right now.

PATTON: I don’t understand…

VIRGIL: Neither do I, but I don’t care! Release him!

DARK MASTER: It’s your only fault that I’m taking your son right now, Virgil! You brought this onto him!

VIRGIL: What?

DARK MASTER: The original plan was to take you instead of him. You were born for that only reason. But you had to escape to the Light Realm and ruin everything.

VIRGIL: What would you know about my birth?

DARK MASTER: Oh, everything. I know everything about it. I even had you in my arms not long after you were born. You looked so tiny, so vulnerable. So suitable. You just needed to grow until you were mature enough. But Patton had to be a goody daddy and the Light Master had to ruin it all!

THOMAS: Me? What…?

VIRGIL: What is he talking about, dad?

PATTON: [confused] I promise I don’t know, kiddo. I don’t remember…

DARK MASTER: Perhaps I can help with that.

[The Dark Master points at Patton. A light blue sphere appears on his hand]

DARK MASTER: This, on my hand, are your stolen memories. You’re no longer a worthy enemy, so I won’t be needing them anymore, and I need to make room for… another procedure. Here, take them back.

[the light-blue ball is projected at light-speed and impacts into Patton’s head, making him walk two steps back. The light enters inside Patton’s head, who holds his head with both hands and groans as if he was suffering the worst headache ever, as if his head was about to explode right there.]

VIRGIL: [scared] Dad!

LOGAN: Patton!

[in a few moments, Patton adopts a serene face. He stops holding his head and looks fiercely at the Dark Master]

PATTON: [serious deep voice, never heard before from him] Now I remember… everything.

DARK MASTER: Good. Then now you know it all. How does it feel? Please, tell me that it hurts you, it would be so rewarding for me.

PATTON: Yes, I remember. Yes, it hurts. And no, you won’t get away with your plans.

DARK MASTER: [evil voice] I challenge you to stop me. If you want to find me, you know where to look for me… sweetie. [back to an unconcerned, mocking voice, to Roman] Oh, by the way, thank you Roman, I couldn’t have done this without you.

ROMAN: What?

DARK MASTER: If you hadn’t entered Sandersia with Chris, I wouldn’t have been able to reach him, and if you hadn’t turned the night into day, I wouldn’t have known you were here, allowing me to come here to check what you were up to. What a pleasant surprise you gave me when you introduced your boy. Thank you for your invaluable help.

ROMAN: [face of remorse] What have I done…?

[the Dark Master starts levitating and so does the dark bubble holding Chris in. Chris shows a face of fear for the first time and starts banging at the bubble, desperately trying to break it]

CHRIS: [scared whining] Father! Dad! Help me! Don’t let him take me!

VIRGIL: [in tears] You bast**! He’s just a baby! Thomas, do something!

THOMAS: I’m trying! I’m trying to go into Light Master mode… but I’m so tired I get dizzy when I try! I can’t keep it together!

DARK MASTER: Well, as the old cartoon said, that’s all folks! Bye!

[The Dark Master flies away through the door and the bubble follows him with Chris inside]

CHRIS: [screeching in horror] Heeeeelp!

[his cry for help gets lost in the distance before the others have time to react. Then Virgil starts running to the door]

VIRGIL: Come back! Give me my son back! I beg you! Take me instead! No!

[he stops before reaching the door, with pain in his stomach over the effort. Roman runs after him and holds him]

VIRGIL: [hysterical, he turns around and starts punching Roman’s chest with both fists, while Roman looks at his husband with a face of intense suffering and remorse] Don’t touch me! This is your fault! This is all your fault! They took him away because of you! I hate you! I hate you! [he stops punching Roman’s chest and lies on it sobbing on it while Roman hugs him, also crying] I hate you…

ROMAN: I’m sorry, Virgil. I didn’t know this would happen… But we’ll fix it. We have always defeated the Dark Master and this will be no exception. I promise by my royal crown that he’ll get what he deserves and we’ll rescue our son! I solemnly swear it!

[a sign reading “To be continued, guys, gals and non binary pals appears”]

[ending card]

[a couple of minutes have passed, The guys are sitting down on some benches. Virgil is lying on Roman’s shoulder, his face completely void, looking at the infinity, trying to evade himself from the horrible reality he’s facing]

THOMAS: I’m so sorry, guys. I wish I could have been of more help. I just couldn’t call my powers out of exhaustion.

ROMAN: It’s not your fault, Thomas. Like the Dark Master said, it’s my fault and only mine. I’m sorry, guys. [to Virgil] I’m sorry, my love.

VIRGIL: [looks at Roman and holds his hand, then speaks with a weak, heartbroken voice] And I’m sorry for hitting you earlier… I was out of my mind and I didn’t mean what I said. Of course I don’t hate you.

ROMAN: [kissing Virgil’s hand] I know, my love. But you were so right at the same time…

PATTON: You didn’t know this would happen, Roman. Don’t torture yourself.

ROMAN: A marvelous father I’m turning out to be. The first thing I do is delivering him in a silver plate to the enemy.

PATTON: Well, I don’t think I was any better, to be honest.

VIRGIL: [looking at Patton] What do you mean, dad? You have always been there for me.

PATTON: Not always, son. Not always. Now that I’ve got the full picture with the missing piece of my memories, I had… I have so much to regret and so much to apologize for.

THOMAS: It’s hard for me to believe that you, among all of us, could have a dark past of some kind. My mind simply can’t process it.

PATTON: And yet, I do. The Dark Master took good care of shaping my mind in a way that would never ever make me question the holes in my mind. He probably gave me that stupid naive personality so that I would never wonder about the kind of stuff he didn’t want me to remember. And it worked. I was so happy in my stupidity I got completely blind about that.

LOGAN: Don’t say that, Patton. You were not stupid.

PATTON: Yes I was. So silly, so childish. I’m so ashamed when I look back and remember the stupidity of my mind I had these past years.

LOGAN: We loved you the way you were. I loved you. I still do.

PATTON: I’m sorry, Logan, but as Deceit would say, you’ve fallen in love with a lie. The Patton you fell in love with is not real. It was never real. I don’t deserve any kind of love.

LOGAN: Falsehood! That’s not true!

PATTON: Yes it is. You don’t know what I did. What I made Virgil go through because of my weakness… Oh, my God, you’re gonna hate me so much when I level with you all. I’d wish that the Dark Master hadn’t restored my memories. I was happier in my stupidity and now I feel like I’ll never find peace in my life again. Maybe that was his intention, to see me suffer and torture myself forever.

VIRGIL: Dad, you are my father. Nothing you could have ever done could be so bad that I couldn’t forgive it.

PATTON: You don’t know the truth yet, son. Once you know, you won’t be able to say that again with conviction.

VIRGIL: Then tell me dad, to prove you that you’re wrong. What is that truth that is so unforgivable?

[Patton sighs]

PATTON: The truth about who your father is.

VIRGIL: You are my father, what do you mean?

PATTON: I mean your other father.

VIRGIL: My other father? You remember now his identity? Who is he?

PATTON: You already know him too well. You’ve lived with him for years in the Dark Realm. You lived under his yoke and his tyranny for many years, and I couldn’t save you, may God forgive me.

[Virgil looks at Patton. A grimace of horror slowly starts appearing]

VIRGIL: No… that’s not true… that’s impossible!

PATTON: Yes. As painful as it is for me to admit it, but it’s true. The Dark Master is your father.

VIRGIL: [progressively more hysterical as he speaks] I can’t believe you! He can’t be my father! He can’t! If he was my father, he would have never treated me the way he did in the Dark Realm! He would have never taken my son away from me! It’s impossible! No! I refuse to believe you! You’re a liar! You’re no better than Deceit!

ROMAN: [holding him by the shoulders and shaking him] Virgil, calm down! You know he would never lie to you, especially in a matter so serious!

[Virgil sits down. He can’t look Patton in the face]

PATTON: [sad] See? I told you you would hate me.

[Virgil doesn’t answer. He just stares at the infinity, with rivers of tears running down his cheeks, in complete silence. Patton looks at his son, and his eyes also get watery and red. Logan hesitates about if he should hold Patton’s hand, his face noting he'd really wish to do so. Eventually he shies away and doesn’t.]

ROMAN: Just give him some time. It’s too much to assimilate in one go.

THOMAS: I have so many questions…

PATTON: [sniffs and swallows his tears, then trying to show the voice of a dad commanding something to his son] I know, Thomas. But for now, they’ll have to wait. If we want to stand a chance against the Dark Master, you need to sleep. We all need it, for the record.

THOMAS: That’s easier said than done, though. How am I going to catch sleep with all this turmoil of emotions and thoughts running through my mind? I don’t feel sleepy, just tired, really tired, but not sleepy.

PATTON: You’re exhausted, Thomas. You don’t feel sleepy because of your nervousness over all of this, but I’m sure if you try, it won’t take you long to fall asleep. And while you sleep, we will all fall into slumber, including the Dark Master, so that could at least delay his plans with Chris. And since Chris can resist slumber, it could give him a chance too, if he could ever break out of that ball, that is.

THOMAS: What are the Dark Master’s plans?

PATTON: No, Thomas. Not now. Now, sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you everything.

ROLAND: You can all use the guest bedroom in the castle. I always have it ready in anticipation for days like this when all of you would come over. The sheets were changed just this morning. And you, Thomas, can find some sleeping clothing in the closet that will suit you. After all we all have the same size in this world, right?

THOMAS: Thank you so much, Roland.

ROLAND: Don’t mention it.

ROMAN: Okay, time to bed, then. Tomorrow, we’ll call Deceit, Honesty and Remus and we’ll think about what to do.

ROLAND: Is it really necessary to call Remus, though? I’m quite unnerved by his presence. He tried to kill me, just in case you’ve forgotten, that’s why Ira came to live here with me, to be my protector against him. It just doesn’t feel right for me that you’re all so… attached to him right now. I don’t trust him.

ROMAN: I know what you mean and I understand your concern, but Remus is no longer the same as he used to be. I mean, he’s still pretty chaotic and all, but he’s harmless now, and he’s trying to fit in with us, in his own unique way. Besides, we need to be all together for greater chances of success.

ROLAND: [sighs] Okay, if there’s no choice, okay. But don’t ask me to behave nicely to him, because he wasn’t nice to me.

ROMAN: It’s fair, but you should try to give him a chance. Now, let’s go to bed. I’ll turn the day back into night so that we can sleep well, even though it’s almost morning at this point.

[they all stand up and follow Roland. Virgil, apparently unaware that the others are leaving the room, remains sitting down for a moment, still looking at nowhere, before Roman grabs him by the hand and asks him to follow them with the sweetest glance he could come up with. Virgil just follows them like an automaton to the huge guest bedroom which has eight beds. Thomas puts on the pajama he finds in the closet and gets into bed. The others just summon pajamas for themselves and get into the other beds. It only takes a matter of minutes for the exhausted Thomas to fall asleep. When that happens, the rest of the Sides fall asleep too. All of them except Virgil, who just keeps staring at the ceiling, still crying in silence, all night long]

[aphrodaisyacs]

Summary:

In a different universe, the ship that descends upon Earth to abduct Peter belongs to Thanos. In a different universe, Gamora hitches a ride with the Ravagers to escape her war-torn planet.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: Major Character Death Categories: F/M, Gen Fandoms: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Relationships: Gamora/Peter Quill, Peter Quill & Thanos, Gamora & Yondu Udonta, Nebula & Peter Quill, Mantis & Peter Quill Characters: Peter Quill, Gamora (Marvel), Thanos (Marvel), Yondu Udonta, Mantis (Marvel), Nebula (Marvel), Ego the Living Planet Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Thanos vs Ego Custody Battle, Implied underage drinking, Yondu’s A+ Parenting, Thanos’ A+ Parenting, Torture, Emotional Manipulation, Gaslighting, Filicide

1000 years later it’s finally done BUT HEY I got it out before Endgame so that’s something, right?

Full chapter below:

When Peter first met Thanos, it went like this:

He thought Thanos was his father.

One of the first things Thanos said to him was “You don’t belong here. You belong with the stars.”

(“You belong with the stars, Peter. Just like your daddy.”)

One of the first things Thanos did was coax the light out of Peter’s hands.

“Now close your eyes and concentrate- reach your mind out to the galaxy.”

(“He was an angel. Composed of pure light.”)

It made him ignore the way Thanos’ shadow loomed like Death in the dark mist.

It made him miss the fact that the giant hands cupping his face out of pride were also muffling his Grandpa’s frantic calls for him.

So when Thanos reached out a hand just as the light from above engulfed them both…

Peter reached back.

When Gamora first met Yondu, it went like this:

“Please! It’s just the two of us! I might not have much but I can also cook and clean!”

“You think you’re the first one to say that, woman? Well I got one word for you: Scram!”

“No please, then just my daughter- Gamora, she’s only eight!”

“For the last time, no! Ugh, all the the cheap fuel in this shithole ain’t worth this.”

“Please, I beg you- I’ll do anything, just let Gamora get out of here safely! She- she can even be your slave, just take her somewhere else!”

Yondu, like most Ravagers, had a notoriously short temper. And like most Ravagers, that temper tended to be explosive- violent, and sometimes even deadly.

It was rare then, to see his anger run colder than ice.

Gamora found herself torn away from her mother��s grip with such force that she nearly fell face-first onto the dirt.

“I’ll take the girl then.”

“Can I visit Grandpa?” Peter learnt not to ask.

“Your grandfather hates you,” Thanos always said. “He blames you for your mother’s death because you couldn’t control your powers.”

“But that’s not true!” Peter learnt not to say, as his memories of firm hugs smelling like cigarette smoke faded after each day.

“I miss Earth,” Peter learnt not to say.

“Why?” Thanos always said. “There’s nothing left for you there. Now you have the galaxy within your reach.”

But the only thing within Peter’s reach was the warm light that pulsed within him and the cold, dead ground beneath his feet.

“I just want to go home,” Peter never said. Because he wasn’t even sure what that meant anymore.

Perhaps it meant nights where he played his walkman as he laid in his cot, pretending that he was lying on the grass as his mother, happy and alive, shared her music with him. Or perhaps it meant nights where he carefully held his mother’s unopened present, before the guilt forced him to shove it back into his backpack.

For Peter, home was the pieces of his mother’s memory that Thanos hadn’t taken away from him. Home was what Peter had left to remember that even if his family did hate him like Thanos said…  

His mother did love him, once upon a time.

*

Peter hated Ebony.

When Thanos first introduced him to his new older brother, he had told Peter that Ebony would help him get stronger. Ebony’s knife-sharp grin and the power woven from his spidery fingers promised exactly that, and something else entirely.

Thanos told Ebony to spar with Peter. Ebony twisted the walls from around them and threw them at Peter, again and again, until he passed out from the pain. Next time he flipped the ground from beneath their feet and crushed Peter under it until he could no longer breathe. But just before the world was swallowed by darkness, light erupted desperately from Peter’s entire being, obliterating his earthen prison. It wasn’t enough though, because the world was still spinning and Peter’s fumbling control over his powers protected him against Ebony about as well as a sheet of paper against pouring rain.

Again and again, Peter tried to fight back. But again and again, he woke up with yet another body part damaged beyond repair. Yet another body part to be replaced by metal.

“You have powers, little one,” Thanos said. He looked disappointed. Peter felt a twinge where his heart used to be. “Why don’t you use them?”

Peter didn’t even know if he was improving or not. He just fought and fought and fought, as hard as he could.

Until one day, he managed to finally wrestle the needles of light from Ebony’s control and turn them against him. He even made them into the shape of a giant shark because he could.

“Well done, my son,” Thanos smiled. They watched the blood get mopped off the training room floors. It was what happened when your legs got bitten off by a shark, real or not.

Thanos found it amusing. It was the second time he had ever looked at Peter with such pride.

Peter wanted to smile back. But victory tasted bitter, like blood.

*

Nebula was Peter’s favourite sibling.

There wasn’t much competition, really- Proxima and Corvus always looked at him as if he was a squashed bug. Cull always looked at him as if he was a bug to be squashed. And the less said about Ebony the better.

Nebula only sparred against him on the occasions where Thanos wanted Peter to focus on his hand-to-hand. Whenever he won, she got dragged away and returned more metal, less flesh. Whenever she won, Peter got dragged away back to Ebony.

But outside of the training grounds, Nebula always hovered curiously in his peripheral, just out of reach. They did talk, but she was always so tense, wary, like she was expecting to be hurt. It reminded Peter of the stray cats in his old neighbourhood that he had tried to feed and pet, before his Grandpa found out and shooed them away. She even had that same glimmer of hope in her eyes when Peter didn’t betray the inch of trust that she reluctantly gave him.

So she practically bristled and hissed at him when he tried to share his mother’s music with her.

“What’s this?”

“It’s my walkman.”

“But it doesn’t have legs and it’s not a man.”

“No, you’re supposed to use it for music. Here.”

She looked at the headphones he held out as if they were going to electrocute her, but she slowly slipped them on.

Having a new friend, a new sister, made Peter’s new life more bearable. In between missions where Thanos sent them out to kill, they huddled together in quiet corners to listen to Peter’s walkman. They never spoke to each other in those moments- Peter, too busy grasping at the bittersweet memories of his mother’s toothy grin and her twinkling blue eyes. Nebula, he wasn’t sure; he could only assume that she too considered the soft, crooning voices of 10cc to be a cocoon of safety from their living hell.

*

Peter sparred. He fought. He was broken into pieces, then put together again.

He clung to his music until his walkman became just as much of a part of him as his blades and the warm light thrumming in his veins.  

He killed.

And killed.

He killed until he became Star-Lord, the most feared assassin in the galaxy.

Gamora was ten the first time she and Yondu fought.

It wasn’t the first time he had raised his voice at her- far from it. Yondu always seemed to find one thing or the other to yell at her for, especially in front of the other Ravagers. And most of the time, nothing stopped her from screaming back.

But it was the first time his bark was accompanied by his bite.

“Kraglin! Take this thing out and shut the damn door before it can get back in!”

“No! Leave Stripe alone! Give him back to me!”

“Does this ship look like a zoo to you? You’re lucky I caught it before we took off. You bring one more mutt on board and we’re dumping you at the next stop, ya hear me?”

“Stripe’s my friend! Just because you don’t have any-”

“When I picked you up as a kid, these boys wanted to eat you. Zehoberei are so rare they’re a treat now. I stopped ‘em. You’re alive because of me!”

“What do you care anyway? You only keep me around ‘cause I’m a slave you got for free!”

But he didn’t continue yelling, like she had come to expect. Instead, she was met with silence.

Until…

“...You think you know a damn thing about what being a slave’s like? Huh? You think you get to throw that word ‘round like you know what it means?!”

His voice rose with his anger, but his words became more frigid. The red fire in Yondu’s eyes turned cold as stone.

Even Gamora couldn’t help but shiver.

She sometimes wondered if she had imagined the Yondu whose anger stung sharper than frostbite- the man who had taken her from her mother. It was a side of him that she never saw again, until that moment.

(Years later, she would find out that Yondu had been sold as a slave when he was a baby)

(Years later, she would look back at this moment and feel that she might understand him, just a little more)

*

Gamora’s mum used to tell her that she was too curious for her own good. Too inquisitive. But she always smiled when she said it, running her fingers down her daughter’s hair to tease the knots out of the deep red curls.

Once, when Yondu wasn’t looking, Gamora tried to use his arrow. She hid away in a half-forgotten storage room and tried to fly the arrow in a deadly streak of red, just the way Yondu did it. But no matter how hard she whistled, the arrow wouldn’t budge. It didn’t take long for Yondu to find her, spitting anger from his lips to hide the worry in his eyes.

Gamora clenched her fists and waited to be left behind on the ship at their next stop.

But instead, Yondu took her in one hand and a crate of weapons in the other to an isolated part of the woods. For a horrifying moment she thought she was being walked to her execution- for touching that damn arrow? Really?

But when they stop, Gamora found a blaster shoved into her hands.

She stared at it.

“Well? What are you waiting for?”

“... You’re gonna teach me how to shoot them?”

“‘Course I am! You’re a Ravager, ain’t ya? Now get over here before I change my mind.”

It would take years for her to realise that Yondu spoke his heart through his actions, not his words. He barked at her for every mistake she made, but he always grinned when she got it right. And after she hit her first bird in the tree on the other side of the clearing, he laughed and poured Gamora her first glass of ale.

For the first time since leaving Zen-Whoberi, she grinned back.

*

Loneliness was a familiar friend.

Gamora was just a girl amongst Ravagers, and every time she stepped onto a different planet she found her eyes searching for familiar dark red curls framing green skin. She was just a girl amongst Ravagers, and the only women she could talk to were the occasional prostitutes. They were usually really nice to her though, and she’d learnt to appreciate the genuine smiles behind smudged lipstick as they gave her life advice.

But in the end, they always left.

Gamora dreamt about leaving too. She dreamt about running away, stealing a ship and flying away. Perhaps she’d try finding her mother; a part of her hoped that she was still alive, and they’ll meet again someday. But then she’d remember that the last time they saw each other, the woman she had loved and trusted with all her heart tried to sell her to Yondu. As a slave. Gamora’s mind knew it was a desperate attempt to get her off the planet safely, but her heart still stung at the memory.

Then one day, Gamora’s dream came true.

She did steal a ship. And she did fly away. And Yondu went ballistic, just like she knew he would.

(Except he wasn’t angry, not really. Months later, the package he sent her contained a single switchblade- dual blades connecting at a red-studded hilt. It told her, more than words could, that he was proud that she could take care of herself)

*

Gamora kept a collection of knives, most of which she’d nicked from unsuspecting pockets. She also kept a collection of guns, most of which she’d slipped off bar counters when ignorant backs were turned. But no matter how much she gambled, what she sold off, her switchblade remained her greatest treasure- a priceless piece she always kept sheathed close to her heart.

In between jobs, she drifted through the galaxy. She was a thief and a smuggler and she was freer than she had ever been.

But she was still a Ravager at heart, and being alone was its own cage. She never started her own clan, even years after leaving Yondu’s. She never even formed a crew for her ship.

Loneliness was a familiar friend, after all.

Peter is eighteen when Thanos gains a new enemy.

It begins with a lost shipment of supplies. Then another. And another. Then several Chitauri ships get destroyed. Again and again. An incident here and there, spread out over the years, seemingly at random.

Peter has the feeling that Thanos knows exactly who the culprit is, even though he never acts on it. Immediately after each incident, Thanos always orders Peter to the training grounds before sitting back, a silent spectator in every fight. As if it is somehow Peter’s fault that the attacks are happening.

Thanos never acts on it, until one day, Corvus and Proxima’s latest attempt to retrieve the Mind Stone fails.

He summons Peter, and gives him a new mission.

A Celestial, Thanos’ warning rings through Peter’s mind.

Ego.

*

When Peter first meets his real father, it goes like this:

“It is you. Star-Lord. After all these years, I’ve found you.”

“...Why the hell are you so happy to see me? I’m here to kill you.”

“Of course you are! Now tell me, your name’s Peter isn’t it? That’s what your mother wanted to name you.”

Ego is his real father. His real father who, after hearing of an assassin whose powers are eerily similar to his own, was infuriated to learn about the weapon that Thanos had forged his son into.

“So I had to get on his bad side somehow,” Ego says. “He’s always sending his so-called ‘Children’ off to do the dirty work for him. I’ve been waiting for the day he sends you to me.”

Ego is his real father, who has finally come to take him home.

For the first time since living amongst the stars, Peter allows himself to hope.

*

At first, Peter doesn’t know what to think of Ego’s companion.

Mantis is eager, yet timid. Her smiles are forced, yet her eyes are kind. She shrinks back from Ego whenever he turns her way, yet she can put him to sleep with a single touch.

“Ego found me in my larva state,” she tells Peter, antennas twitching as she answers his unspoken curiosity. “Orphaned on my homeworld. He raised me by hand, and kept me.”

Peter thinks about Thanos, who took him from his family in the wake of his mother’s death. Raised him with blood and death, and kept him, like an attack dog.

Ego is very vocal about his agreement with Peter’s inner sentiments, and when he isn’t throwing insults at the Mad Titan he is reminiscing about Meredith Quill. Peter had daydreamed about this, having a real dad to whisk him away to a better life, one where they just… get to spend time with each other. One where his Celestial powers could be used as a ball in catch rather than a blade at someone’s neck.

(One where Thanos is little more than a distant memory)

Everything is perfect.

Almost.

Peter doesn’t notice Mantis meekly fading into the background, but he does notice that the more Ego shows him around the planet, the more she hunches her shoulders and wrings her hands. And when he does manage to catch her gaze, her dark eyes are wide with guilt and regret.

He forces himself to look away- she’s staring at him as if she’s mourning him.

*

“Something’s going on. What is it?”

Mantis chokes under his grip.

“You’re… you’re not scared.” She sounds almost confused. “You’re… betrayed.”

Peter abruptly lets go.

“You know,” he hisses instead. “Whatever it is, you know.”

She doesn’t deny it. It’s as if she’s been waiting for him to confront her.

In the night, after putting Ego to sleep, Mantis leads Peter through a maze of underground caves.

She leads him right to a mountain of skeletons.

“... Who are they?” Peter asks when he’s finally able to breathe again.

“His children. Because they can’t use his powers.” She swallows. “The only reason I’m not with them is because I’m still useful.”

He stares down at his hands.

“But I…”

She shakes her head. Even in the dark, he can see the tears glistening in her eyes.

“He wants to use you like a battery. He doesn’t have enough power by himself to…”

“To what?”

But Mantis doesn’t get to tell him, because striding up behind them, Ego answers for her.

*

Peter sees and feels nothing but white.

He’s being drained, but he is overflowing. He knows there’s pain, but his mind has been swallowed by the universe.

“Peter!”

A sharp tug, and suddenly he’s in the hallway again. His breath evens out and everything slides into focus again, including the armoured figure of Thanos.

His heart sinks.

No.

“Get off my planet, you thief,” Ego snarls.

“Not until I’ve taken back what belongs to me.”

“He’s my son.”

“You didn’t raise him.”

“Oh I’ve heard about you- the Mad Titan, a bloodthirsty menace, a plague upon the universe. Do you really think you can win against me, on my own planet?”

Thanos raises his blade in answer.

It is terrifying and thrilling all at once- the battle between the god made of light and the Mad Titan whose shadow reeks of death. The ground beneath them trembles with terror and the air roars their mutual fury.

In another world, Peter might have stayed to save the universe.

But in this one, he has no choice but to run.

*

Peter had come to Ego’s planet in search of a father, and now he’s leaving with a sister in tow.

He is already halfway across the galaxy with Mantis in their stolen ship when he suddenly feels it-

It’s as if something has been unplugged from him; the light which had steadily pulsed in his veins for as long as he can remember, suddenly…

Gone.

In that moment he knows - he no longer has his powers.

The powers that Thanos had stolen him from Earth for. The powers that Ego wanted to use to warp the universe.

Gone.

Peter feels as if every inch of his being has been scraped raw. He’s empty now. Empty, but clean.

If Ego had lost, then that means Thanos is after Peter. But without his powers, without his strongest weapon, he’s useless now. Disposable, even. Because Thanos doesn’t collect his failures in a mountain of bones, he crushes them beneath his feet until his footsteps are stained by their blood.

So Peter runs.

*

Gamora is twenty-three when she nearly dies snatching the Orb from right under Korath’s nose. She considers herself lucky, really- it’s only her second near-death experience this month. And the Orb is definitely worth more than enough to get her back on her feet again after her latest spree at the Aeon Casino.

Of course she isn’t handing it over to Yondu.

“I slaved putting this deal together-”

“You made a few calls is what you did-”

“-and now you’re gonna rip me off!”

“-but I’m the one who doesn’t know what ‘slaved’ means?”

“We do not do that to each other. We’re Ravagers. We got a code.”

“What code? We’re nothing more than honourless thieves.”

They shout at each other until Gamora cuts the call in a huff. She squashes down the churning guilt because she needs the money, more than Yondu does.

But as she speeds her way towards Xandar, it is hard not to feel bad when her only companion is the white noise of the Milano’s thrumming engine.

*

When Gamora first meets her best friends, it happens like this:

Nebula is trying to kill her over that damn Orb.

Rocket and Groot are after her bounty because she didn’t hand that damn Orb over to Yondu.

The moment Peter and Mantis see that damn Orb, they shed their tourist disguises.

As the cherry on top of the chaotic mess unravelling around her, Gamora’s chance to escape manifests in the form of an unexpected family reunion between two of her attackers.

“You. You traitor! Get away from the Orb, you don’t deserve it!”

“Look, I’m sorry, I really am, but the universe doesn’t deserve to be destroyed by Thanos.”

“I thought you were my brother. But you left me. You left me and replaced me!”

“Ugh no, Mantis isn’t- I’m sorry, okay? Look, I know what this looks like, but it’s kind of a long story which I’ll tell you, if you let me have the Orb. You can even join us, if you want, and Thanos can go screw himself.”

If Gamora had been paying attention to the drama, she would’ve noticed the way Nebula’s indecision hangs in the air. Instead, she continues crawling towards the Orb, determined to leave unnoticed with her prize.

But just as her fingertips graze the metal casing, all hell breaks loose.

Her body is suddenly on fire and her muscles seize up. Rocket’s cackling rings in her ears and Nebula’s angry cries pound against her skull. Gamora can’t even tell if the darkness enveloping her is the loss of consciousness or the burlap sack Groot has been dragging around.

In Gamora’s third near-death experience that month, she passes out before getting arrested with the misfits she’ll learn to value with her life.

*

Peter can almost taste the anger buzzing in the air. Next to him, he feels Mantis shrink back from the jeers pelted at them from every direction.

His fingers twitch for his confiscated blades.

“You first!”

“You first, Nebula!”

Their eyes spit acid, their lips drip hatred.

Nebula snarls back at the other prisoners with just as much venom. Out of habit Peter finds himself reaching a comforting hand out to her arm, but he stops when she turns her glare on him as well.

Her glares keep everyone away, but Peter is nothing if not a stubborn asshole when he wants to be.

“Nebula-”

“I’m not listening to the traitor who ran away like a coward,” she spits.

“I know. I’m sorry. But I had to leave, because Thanos would’ve killed me if I hadn’t.”

“You? His precious, half-Celestial son? You’re his favourite.”

“Ha! Not anymore. I’m basically useless to him right now.”

Nebula narrows her eyes at him.

“How?”

Peter shrugs.

“Like I’ve said, long story. Maybe I’ll get the chance to tell you after we escape, if that raccoon isn’t talking out of his ass.”

Unexpectedly, Nebula hesitates.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know where you’re going. But after I leave this place, I’m going back to Ronan.”

“No.”

“I have a mission to complete.”

“No. If Ronan gets that stone, he’ll kill us all.”

“Then I’m going straight to Thanos.”

“That’s even worse. Come on, Nebula, please- you don’t have to do this.”

Her answering silence makes his heart sink. But Peter is nothing if not a stubborn asshole when he wants to be, and he’s going to change her mind.

*

They break out of The Kyln, but Peter goes back for his walkman.

(Nebula stays)

*

“Why would you risk your life for this?”

Peter smiles wryly down at the strange box-like device in his hands.

“My mother gave it to me. I… I don’t have much left from Earth.”

Gamora’s curiosity is drowned out by a wave of sympathy.

“Did Thanos destroy your home planet too?”

“Oh, no. It’s kinda weird, now that I think about it, but the only thing he took from Earth was me. He must’ve thought that a half-Celestial would be useful. Not that I’m much more than a normal human at this point.”

Oh.

“So that… thing. What do you do with it?”

There’s another part to that box-like device- it looks like a headband, and Peter eases it onto her head like one. A melody engulfs her ears, and under the sky of stars and colours she finds herself pulled into a slow dance before she even realises it.

It’s… pleasant.

She likes this side of him, the side which doesn’t seem so cold and hardened. His eyes, a soft and pleasant green, look so much warmer up close like this when their breaths are almost touching.

But a sudden crash shatters the moment. Gamora feels exasperation well up within her when she realises who the shouting belongs to- can’t Nebula and Rocket play nice for just a minute?

She turns around to look back at Peter, and tries not to feel too disappointed at the way his expression has closed off again.

*

Seeing Yondu again is like falling back into old habits. It is getting into a shouting match with him again, it is standing tall against the jeers of the other Ravagers. It is being held at arrowpoint and striking a deal with him: the safety of millions of lives, for the Orb.

Yondu’s grin is sharp when he claps her on the back, but his eyes twinkle with amusement and pride.

*

They are a complete mess, all of them. They are jagged puzzle pieces that refuse to fit together.

They are going to stop Ronan from wiping out billions of innocent lives.

A bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle.

Friends who are ready to die for each other.

*

“We are Groot.”

*

There is no dance-off. There is only Gamora, and her attempt to entrap Ronan into a debate about his actions. There is only Gamora, and her distraction allowing for Mantis to sneak up and put him in a trance through a firm squeeze around his fingers.

And then Rocket fires at the Infinity Stone.

*

Mantis is the first to grab the Stone. Ego’s planet might be dead but she is still part-Celestial, even if she never had access to the powers. Gamora, the next closest, manages to grab onto her friend’s smouldering skin soon after.

Struggling against the power and pain electrifying every cell of her body, Gamora barely manages to make out the figure of Peter fighting to get closer.

“Peter! Take my hand!”

(“Take my hand, Peter.”)

“Mum.”

“Take my hand!”

Peter reaches back.

*

The blue ribbon unravels from its knot. It’s been twenty years, and Peter thinks he finally might be able to tear off the wrapping without trembling fingers.

Awesome Mix Vol. 2

The cassette tape slots in with a soft click, and a few seconds later Marvin Gaye’s voice drifts from the speakers.

He stares, entranced, at the slowly-spinning tape, and tries to blink away the emotions blurring his vision.

His trained ears pick up on the footfalls from leather boots, and he looks up to see Nebula. She looks back with hard unreadable eyes, but the tension in her shoulders give away her uncertainty.

Peter scoots over on the bench, and she wordlessly sits down next to him.

They don’t say anything.

They listen.

*

“So,” Peter begins, leaning against the top of Gamora’s seat. “What should we do next? Something good? Something bad? A bit of both?”

She tilts her head back. His face looks a bit odd from this angle, but it’s definitely something she can get used to.

“Hm… how about a bit of both?”

Peter smiles back.

“Whatever you say, Captain.”

“Your father killed my brother.”

“Stop! Peter hates him just as much as you do.”

“Yeah, and he’s not my father. He killed my real father too, actually. Not that he didn’t deserve it, but still.”

And a part of Peter, twisting in a sickening knot in his stomach, suspects that Thanos has killed Nebula too- because there’s no way she’d ignore their comm calls for two weeks straight.

He stiffens when he feels a sudden weight on his shoulder. He doesn’t expect to see the sincerity in Thor’s remaining eye.

“Families can be tough.”

A complete stranger shouldn’t understand, but for some reason Peter believes that Thor genuinely does. He allows his initial dislike of the man to soften a bit.

Just a bit.

*

“I need to ask a favour.”

Gamora pauses in the middle of sharpening of her favourite switchblade. She has never seen Peter look so grim, even in the early days of knowing him.

“What is it?”

“If things go wrong- if Thanos gets me… promise me you’ll kill me.”

“... What?”

“I know something he doesn't. Something he can’t find out. Ever.”

Gamora’s heart sinks.

“What do you know?”

Peter shakes his head.

“If I tell you, you’d be in danger too.”

Gamora reaches out to squeeze his hand.

“We’re already in danger together.”

He doesn’t squeeze back. He removes his hand. She stiffens from the sting of rejection.

“This is different. And I want you- need you to live.”

“Peter-”

“Promise me you’ll kill me.”

Gamora shakes her head, and stops trying to hold back her tears.

“This isn’t fair.”

“Gamora- please-” Peter takes her forgotten switchblade, and gently curls her fingers around it.

He pulls her hand towards himself, his hand encased around her fingers, encased around her blade.

“Promise me,” he whispers.

It feels like forever before Gamora finally nods.

Their kiss tastes like goodbye.

*

“Let him go.”

The world is on fire, and the air is choked with smoke. Thanos grins. Gamora tightens her grip on her blaster.

“Ah, the girlfriend.”

“Gamora…” Peter wheezes out.

“Let. Him. Go.”

“Gamora… not him.”

No.

This can’t be happening.

“You promised.”

This isn’t fair.

Thanos speaks, but she ignores him. She stares at Peter instead, taking in his pleading eyes and his tear-stained face.

This isn’t how she wants to remember him.

“I love you, more than anything.” Her voice cracks, but she doesn’t sob.

Peter doesn’t deserve this- he deserves to die at an old age after a long fulfilling life, or even in the middle of one of their grand, reckless, saving-people adventures.

The only thing she can give him is a quick death.

She slides her blaster back into its holster.

She draws out her switchblade.

And lunges.

But the blade smacks uselessly against something hard with a sharp crack.

Gamora stills. There’s suddenly a thick steel wall blocking her from Peter.

No.

She throws herself at it, determined to cut it open, push it away, anything.

“Peter!”

“You’re quite the fighter,” Thanos says from the other side. “I like you.”

“No! Peter!”

The wall eventually dissolves, but by the time she lands on her bruised and bleeding knuckles, they’re already long gone.

*

“I thought you might be hungry.”

Peter stares numbly at the small bowl of gruel. He can’t even muster the energy to feel offended.

“Thought you could get rid of me with poison now that I’m just a weak human?”

“I wouldn’t waste food like that. Besides, you’re more than just your Celestial powers, Peter.”

He recoils from Thanos’ words.

“That… sounds exactly like something someone who actually gives a damn about me would say. But coming from you- ”

“And what makes you so sure I don’t ‘give a damn’ about you?”

Thanos actually looks genuinely curious. Peter can’t believe this.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You took me from my family when I was just a kid-”

“I saved you. They were scared of you, because of your powers.”

“My mum had just died. I watched her- we watched her. Grandpa was going to raise me-”

“She died because of you. You couldn’t control your powers. And you ran away from them, which was how I found you. I was the first to see the worth of your powers. Of you.”

“Bullshit.”

Peter never needed anyone to see the worth of those powers. His time with the Guardians of the Galaxy had taught him as much.

(But that doesn’t stop the slight twist in his chest)

“Who comforted you after the heavier sparring sessions with Ebony? Who fought Ego for you? You have no idea how painful it was to realise that you had run away with Ego’s other spawn. My victory was worth nothing because I had failed to bring you back home.”

Peter doesn’t say anything. He can’t. The twist in his chest has become painful.

“I care about you, my son. I always have. The least you can do is tell me where the Soul Stone is.”

Peter’s knuckles are white when he raises his chin at Thanos.

“No.”

*

“Vormir!”

Blue and purple lights fade, but Peter’s mind is still ringing with the echoes of Nebula’s screams and the rattles of her metal parts. He takes a shaky step closer to where his sister has been strung up, each part of her taken apart and put on display. The design cruelly reminds Peter of the times he had won their fights- he did this to her, the display seems to accuse.

“The Stone is on Vormir,” he whispers, reaching out a comforting hand, but there isn’t a part of Nebula whole enough to place it.

“Show me.”

Peter doesn’t need to turn around to know that Thanos is grinning smugly.

*

When Gamora first meets the Avengers, it goes like this:

“I’m only going to ask you once- where’s Peter?”

The strange creature under Gamora’s headlock stiffens. She digs her blaster into his neck in response.

“Who- what- Peter?” he squeaks out. “Uh, nope, neverheardthatnamebefore-”

The armoured man’s helmet dissolves, revealing a pale, furious face.

“What do you want with him?”

“What do I want- Thanos took him. Now tell me where he is, or this one- ” She tightens her grip. “-is getting his head turned into a pile of mush.”

“Wait what,” Gamora’s hostage suddenly says.

“Thanos took him-? Wait. You think we’re with Thanos.”

“Aren’t you?”

But they aren’t, because they’re the Avengers. Thor’s friends. If Gamora was in her right mind she would’ve been embarrassed by the misunderstanding. But Thanos has once again burnt her world to hell and back, and she’s running on nothing but fury and determination.

She learns that the Terran adolescent she had held hostage is also named Peter, but that’s about where the similarities end.

She also learns that the Guardians of the Galaxy get along with the Avengers like oil and water, and she’s becoming increasingly convinced that their team-up will destroy the universe instead of saving it.  

Gamora sighs and turns away from Stark’s attempts to wrangle Drax’s attention.

She’ll just have to see if they’re in the one universe where they win.

*

Thanos’ tears aren’t genuine.

They can’t be.

“No. This isn’t love.”

Peter wants to run. He wants the dignity of dying before he can get killed.

“I’m sorry, little one.”

The howls of the icy winds swallow Peter’s screams and he can only struggle weakly against the iron-tight grip around his arm as he gets dragged closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.

The last thing he sees is the shadow of Death looming over him, if Death were capable of remorse.

He falls.

*

They have Thanos trapped.

Gamora steps towards him.

“I thought you’d be harder to catch. But I guess you aren’t so strong after all. Where is Peter?”

“My… Peter…?” Thanos rasps weakly.

“Where. Is. He.”

It is Mantis who realises it first.

“He’s in anguish…”

“Good.”

“He’s mourning… Peter…” Mantis whimpers and the lights in her antennae flicker.

Gamora sees red.

She faintly registers Stark speaking to her, but in that moment the only thing which exists in the world is her raw desire to hurt the man before her.

“You didn’t,” she spits. “You asshole. Tell me you didn’t!”

She whips her switchblade out, and she’s ready to slice his face open, gouge his eyes out until the blades are stained as red as the ruby-studded hilt.

But in that moment, a sob wracks through Mantis’ entire body and her face twists from the agony of being forced to grieve her dead brother through his murderer.

Her antennae flicker again, and so does her control over Thanos’ mind.

Thanos breaks free.

*

Gamora screams in rage and stumbles back onto her feet again, gripping onto her blaster like a lifeline.

“Where is he?”

He was right there. She nearly had him, she nearly-

But all she sees is Stark, propped up in his torn armour like a fallen soldier. He doesn’t look like a man gearing up for the last stretch of battle.

He looks like a man on the other end of it.

Gamora’s heart sinks to the barren earth beneath her feet.

“We lost.”

*

Gamora’s world crumbles into dust.

[clown-bait]

29 Neibolt st (Monster Roommate AU) CH24

OK IVE BEEN SO EXCITED TO DROP THIS CHAPTER!! Some wild ass shennanigans are about to happen guys!! Theres going to be a lot of Robert Gray in these next few chapters so get hype for that! maybe ill do some smut with him who knows.

CH24

Humans?

The clown looked in the mirror he kept in his lair for probably the 20th time that night and ran through several terrifying face transformations as if he was rehearsing. In fact that was probably the best way to describe it. The dawn was swiftly approaching to begin the day of Halloween, his favorite human holiday. It was the day the hunt was always the best for him, he could make 5 good kills if he really put in the effort making his stock for winter nice and full. Hunting in the cold wouldn't even be necessary if he did well.

Speaking of cold Penny felt a chill rush through the sewer, a reminder that leaner times were coming. Usually he would barricade himself off in the cart in between hunts to wait out the winter but this time around he had endless entertainment. Her flesh may no longer have heat but she would keep him warm in other ways. So many other ways. The clown chuckled darkly at his own dirty thoughts while rubbing a fresh hickey under his jaw only a few hours old.

Penny stretched and yawned feeling a sudden wave of drowsiness….strange….. he marked it off as the cold October air making him sleepy. Maybe a cat nap would help him be more alert for his hunt. It couldn't hurt to feel fresh on his biggest day of the year…. yes he thought a small nap would do. He laid on his pillow pile and attempted to shut his eyes and release his form. This wasn't comfortable he was too cold. Why was he suddenly so uncomfortable and tired? After tossing and turning a few more times he decided to find a different place to nap. His mate’s nest would be perfect, the mattress was a bit small but he'd be extra warm with her under the large blankets. Pennywise whisked himself away reappearing in her room where the vampire was sprawled out sleeping just as he had left her, spent and exhausted. He loved seeing her like this, covered in his marks and completely bare. He was half tempted to wake her up just so he could add some more fresh love bites. She’d probably kill him… not probably definitely. Penny instead stealthily crawled into her bed and fitted himself against her under her thick comforter. He slipped his long limbs over her body caging her into him, the nosferatu only stirred a little letting him hold her and welcoming his warmth. Penny buried his nose into her skin and let the sweet love pheromones she emitted send him into a state of pure relaxation. He was finally comfortable, finally warm and finally able to sleep.

Leech woke up that morning feeling weirdly hot. The first thing she noticed was the arm draped around her gripping her hand. It wasn't Penny’s arm this was human, and so was whoever was snuggled up to her. Leech attempted to squirm out of the strangers grip but was pulled back into him and held tight. She could feel whoever had her was lean and tall, his bare skin pressed into hers and his long limbs entombed her entire body. His hands were huge, the one wrapped around her pawed at her bosom causing Leech’s breath to hitch and jolt up out of his grasp. She finally was able to see who the hell was groping her and to her relief she was met with the sleeping form of a very human, very naked Robert Gray. Why the hell was he a naked human right now? She thought to herself sitting up and running a hand through her hair. Wait…. HAIR?

Leech tugged at the platinum locks attached to her head. It was fucking hair! Real hair! Her real hair was back! She also had normal ears, teeth and suddenly she was very aware of the beating thing hammering away in her chest. She was alive and human.

“Pen-er uh Robert! Wake up!” she shook her mate who grumbled and flipped over. “Wake up asshole its urgent”

“5 more years” he mumbled.

“You're a fucking human… I'm a fucking human!”

The man grumbled more and pulled the blanket up to his face. “Did you not hear me? Get up lazy ass” she smacked him with her pillow.

“Ngh what decade is it?”

“Same as it was yesterday moron.”

He flopped over onto his back and opened one beautiful green blue eye. “Why are you wearing your wig?”

“Its not a wig Pen look at your damn arm”

Robert scrunched his face and held out his hand suddenly he felt a rush of a million different emotions at once, some he didn't even know he could feel.

“WHAT?!!”

——————————

“WHY CANT I TURN BACK WHY AM I FEELING THINGS WHY DO YOU HAVE HAIR??”

“Pen calm down.”

“CALM I CANT BE CALM HOW CAN I BE CALM AT A TIME LIKE THIS IS THIS WHAT HUMANS FEEL ALL THE TIME?”

“You're panicking.”

“PANIC NO NO NO I CAUSE PANIC I CANT PANIC- WAIT I AM PANICKING- THIS IS PANICKING? WHY AM I PANICKING LEECH??? WHY CANT I CHANGE?”

“Pen control your emotions and breathe”

“CONTROL SHE SAYS IM FEELING EVERYTHING AT ONCE ALL THE TIME LEECH! EVERYTHING! HOW DO HUMANS GET ANYTHING DONE… BY THE WAY YOURE VERY PRETTY AND I FEEL THE SUDDEN URGE TO TELL YOU THAT WHEN I LOOK AT YOU!! LEECHIE HELP! HELP IM FEELING TOO MUCH!”

The former vampire sighed and pulled his face forward to kiss him forcing him to stop his shrieking. Robert immediately stopped and rolled his baggy eyes back as he closed them.

“Inside voice, deep breaths, count to 10. Try it.” she said pulling away and tapping his cheek.

Robert attempted to follow her instructions when he was startled by a loud shout of joy from down the hall

————

Meanwhile

Chucky was woken up by a horrible shriek. Fucking clown its too damn early for his shit. Charles pulled his hands down his face and was fully prepared to march down there and yell at Pennywise for hunting so damn early in the morning. He rolled his head over on his pillow only to be greeted with a sight he had been waiting to see for years. His wife’s perfect large human boobs.

——-

“FUUUUCCCKKK YESSSSSSSS!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Leech turned her head towards the shout recognizing the New Jersey accent as Chucky’s. She slipped on some clothes and left the room (and a very distressed Robert) to see if the dolls were also affected by this curse.

“Hey you guys got it too?” she shouted

“FINALLY FUCKIN FINALLY!”

“I’m going to assume that is a yes?” the vampire said as Tiffany opened the door wearing a nightgown and a huge grin on her face. Leech’s eyes went wide from the sight.

“Uh oh um heeyy Tiff?”

“Hey fangs stop oogling my wife!” came a very familiar voice from a very unfamiliar man.

“Holy shit Chucky? IS THAT YOU?”

“Yeah its fuckin’ me!”

“Fuck you look different!”

Leech felt a presence at her back and a very panicked very confused Robert stood behind her attempting to cover his front with a pillow. “Leechie, I drank some of your blood stash and I threw up in your trash can.”

“WAIT WAIT WAIT! JINGLES?” Chucky shouted looking at the naked extremely attractive man behind his roommate.

“DOLL?”

“YOU LOOK LIKE A DAMN UNDERWEAR MODEL! HOW COME I GOT PUT BACK IN MY OLD BODY AND YOU GET TO BE A LIVING CALVIN KLIEN ADD”

Tiffany turned to Leech with a look of wonder and pointed at Robert with her thumb mouth open.

“OH GOD Sorry about him I think I need to find him some clothes…” Leech apologized to her.

“Does he really need them though?”

“No but its going to get distracting around here real fast with that bubble butt hanging out all the time”

“I’ll say holy shit” both girls giggled at Tiff’s comment

Robert turned around and glared at them. “Why are you giggling? THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO GIGGLE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY AND YOURE GIGGLING?? HOW AM I GOING TO GET BACK LEECHIE HOW CAN I BE THE ALPHA PREDATOR LIKE THIS?”

Robert twitched and ran his hand through his hair going into yet another panic attack when he realized that he was no longer top of the food chain. His stomach suddenly lurched and he felt extremely dizzy.

“I’m going to vomit again.” he held his mouth and sprinted for the bathroom smacking into a very distressed very confused Bubba Sawyer.

The giant did not recognize this tall screaming man. He didn't recognize the humans in the doll’s room. What he did see was his bestest vampire friend surrounded by strangers who were all shouting. He would save friend yes! He would grab this violent tall naked meat sack for her just like he did at work. The giant bellowed and shrieked lunging for the anxiety filled Robert Gray who for the first time in all of existence knew what it was like to be prey. He was caught from behind and before anyone could stop the distressed giant he was hauled down the stairs a mess of flailing limbs being dragged to Leatherface’s red room.

“BUBBA WAIT THATS PENNYWISE” Leech shouted the three former monsters rushing after the giant.

“STOP YA BIG IDIOT ITS US!” Charles waved his hands at the giant from the other side.

The giant saw Tiffany move in from left and he was suddenly cornered by very angry pajama wearing humans. They were all shouting at him and flailing around for him to put the strange thrashing man down. The poor giant began to panic and crush the flailing man tighter to him the air going out of his lungs as he hollered and squirmed. What would Grandpa Sawyer do? ......Hammer! He thought pulling the tool out from his belt. “HAMMUH” the giant shouted.

“NO BUBBA NO HAMMER” Leech screamed trying to pull the giant’s arm back down with no luck.

“HAMMUUUUHH” he placed Robert in a headlock so tight he started to suffocate

“OH FUCK CHUCKY HELP ME STOP HIM”

“HELL NO FANGS I JUST BECAME HUMAN I AINT DYIN FOR JINGLES.”

“HAAAMMMUUUHH!!!”

The giant swung and Robert passed out.

——————

“Oh my god ok. Ok he's awake just deep breaths holy shit.”

“Leechie?” Robert gurgled realizing he was back in his mate’s bed ��What-“

“You passed out and then Leatherface almost killed you.”

“Yeah Jingles you’re lucky Tiff stepped in with that floor board.”

“PEN-NEE BUHBUH SORY” Leatherface moped he felt horrible about hurting his friend.

“He’ll forgive you big guy just give him some time-” Leech patted the giant on the arm. “Right Pen???” she gave the dazed former clown a stern look.

“Just because I'm human doesn't mean you get to boss me around.” the clown growled.

“If you want to survive this ordeal I suggest you listen to me dear.”

“I suggest you listen to me bleh bleh bleh”

Leech slapped him on the shoulder and he whined and grumbled.

“Can we at least put some clothes on Jingles now? I’ve seen enough of the clown’s ass to scar me for life.”

“Yeah alright let me grab him something” Leech went to her closet and pulled out a pink silk bath robe “Try this Pen” the clown stood up and walked over to the dressing screen Chucky made a face and glanced to the side. Stupid sexy clown.

“All right it's a bit short but it covers enough, maybe Freddy and Drac have something you can actually wear.”

Tiff let out a small giggle as Robert came out from behind the screen. Chucky looked at the blush on his wife’s cheeks and then saw the former clown.

“COVERS ENOUGH? Fangs! His ass cheeks are hanging out the back jesus!” he shouted.

“Jealous of the goods? Benefits of a high protein diet doll” Robert looked behind him and leered at a blushing mortified Charles.

“I-Im not a doll anymore don't call me that”

“Don't call me Jingles then”

“Well before you two start making out, my stomach feels extremely neglected and because I'm human again I am going to eat some god damn pancakes. Come on Bob get that bubble butt moving.” Leech grabbed Robert and tugged him out of the room.

“Ugh Fangs get your gross boyfriend some fucking pants first!”

“OR DONT!” Tiff called after them.

————

The batter sizzled when she poured it onto the old pan sitting over the ancient stove how the hell Tiffany cooked anything in this old kitchen was a miracle. Robert hovered over Leech’s shoulder watching hungrily the scent of food making his stomach growl. He had never made human food before, knew of it of course, but never did he create it himself. Creation wasn't his thing. His mate had insisted he stay and learn though, they didn't know how long this human thing would last and the sooner he could take care of himself the better.

“Do we add the syrup now?”

“No we need to wait.”

“This preparation feels tedious how did this species not starve to death?” Robert took a swig of the syrup bottle

“Are you…..drinking that straight out of the bottle?”

“I’m thirsty Leechie this is all I’ve been given.”

“Oh my god you're an actual child. Get a cup and fill it with water you moron.”

“EUGH NO! Its tasteless!”

“Take my drink then jeeze!”

Robert grabbed the mimosa and sipped cautiously. He liked this drink it was fizzy like cola but made his head swim and his throat feel warm. He finished her drink and searched for more. She used this green bottle to make it right? Rob took a gulp from the bottle. This he liked very much.

“Ok you want fruit on yours?”

“Bah!” he swatted the air in disgust gulping more from the fizzy green bottle.

“You just drank fruit now Bob, here cut up this banana thats an easy task.”

Robert held the knife in one hand and the yellow food in the other. Ok Wise you can do this you're older than time you can cut a fruit. He suddenly felt that human fear again. What if he couldn’t? He'd never eaten a banana before what if she sees him mess it up….oh god then she’d see him as lesser than other humans! No, no, no, that wont do at all he had to impress his mate she had to see that he was still the superior being. He'd be the most superior of all the humans until he was back to his full glory! Yes he would cut this banana he would do it perfect and she would throw herself at him for being the epitome of human perfection! Robert ran through every memory he had of food preparation he remembered how Leatherface cut up meat by raising the knife high and chopping. Seemed pretty simple, how hard could that be?

Suddenly while deep in his day dreams pain shot up Robert’s hand. His finger was spurting blood and quite a bit shorter. Oh no this wasn't supposed to happen. He began to panic again. He was human he couldn't grow it back what would he do?

“LEECHIE?” he shouted a mix of shock and fear in his voice “What do humans do when they…. lose… things?”

“What are you talking about?”

He held up his blood covered hand to her and the other part of his finger.

“OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU DO?”

“Do I eat it?!”

“No Rob don't fucking eat it!!”

“Ok but it does look appetizing!”

“Don’t fucking eat it you idiot we need to get you to a doctor.”

Robert licked at the blood pouring from his hand and snarled when it didn't taste the same as it used to. Leech shut off the stove and rushed the leaking Pennywise out of the kitchen and onto the couch flying over to the stairs to yell for help.

“CHUCKY? TIFF?”

“I AM ABOUT TO FUCK MY WIFE RIGHT NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS! WHAT THE HELL IS SO IMPORTANT?! DID JINGLES REALLY FUCK UP THAT BAD?!” came a very angry response from upstairs.

“He cut off his finger!”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” Charles swore “JUST……. PUT IT ON ICE AND GIVE ME LIKE 30-40 MINUTES!”

Leech let out a long frustrated groan as Leatherface lumbered into the room to see what was wrong this time. She then looked at the disaster that was the kitchen. Robert had smeared his bloody hand all over the place and was now sitting dazed and leaking on the couch. Oh yeah, stop the bleeding right. Leech waved the giant over and told him to get her a towel which she grabbed to put pressure on the wound.

“AHH DONT TOUCH IT!” Robert hissed like a child afraid of a bandaid.

“You’re going pale I need to stop the bleeding or you'll pass out again.”

She grabbed his hand and wrapped up his wound Robert watched intently eyes flicking up to her then back to his hand. He felt warm.

“All right this is gonna get a little jankey but let me get some duct tape to hold the towel on there.” she said and let out an exhausted laugh “Jesus fucking christ what a disaster.”

Bubba stood over Robert and held out his dismembered finger which he had helped place in a bag of ice.

“PEN-NEE FINGUH” he said happily hoping that his kindness would help the former clown forgive him faster for what happened earlier.

“Uh thanks..” Robert awkwardly took the bag and set it on the coffee table staring at his severed appendage.

“Ok hold it out I'm going to wrap it up tight. Thank you for the help Bubba.” Leech smiled at the giant.

“BUHBUH CWEAN PEN-NEE AN WEECH EET” The giant set their neglected pancakes on the coffee table. They weren't hot… more lukewarm really.. but she was starving and she hadn't had human food in months.

Leech finished wrapping Robert’s hand only to notice he was watching her and to her surprise he was actually blushing a bit. The former clown’s face was hot and his chest felt tight, breathing was a bit difficult. He was embarrassed to be this vulnerable, power was so important for him and to be bested by kitchenware especially in front of her… but the way she held onto his hand and the way she teased him about it while laughing….It made him feel tingly but in a good way. He was feeling all these strange emotions at once but the strongest most prominent one he felt now made his human heart thud loudly in his chest. Was this what she felt all the time? For him? He had loved her in his own way before but he never felt it like a human did. Not until now.

“Hey ruffles you're doing your day dreaming thing again.” her voice broke him from his haze she still held onto his hand and Robert closed his free fingers around her’s smiling a bit to himself. He felt the urge to grab onto the former vampire and hold her tight against him. He just wanted to engulf her completely but he sat still in his seat deciding instead to watch her with curiosity. It was all over for him when she kissed the bandage on his hand. That’s it. He had to touch her.

Robert burst from his seated position and grabbed Leech by the face roughly kissing her. He pressed her into the corner of the sofa aggressively moving his mouth against hers. Tongues explored each other and new hair was roughly pulled and tangled in fists. When they finally broke away Robert sat back staring at her panting without saying a word.

“Uh you're welcome?” Leech laughed straightening out her hair and Robert actually chuckled a bit to himself at her joke. She pulled his face back over to look at her’s tracing his cheekbone with her thumb.

“You know what humans call that feeling?”

“The heart racing warm one?”

“That’s love Robert Gray.” she laughed and kissed him again. Looks like they'd be having cold pancakes for breakfast.

---------------------------

BIG BOY HAD A BIG DAY! Not ever a full hour of being human and he already passed out and cut his finger off. What a great start for clownboi. Chucky is so jealous tho poor guy. Robert is basically that stupid sexy Flanders moment from the Simpsons. Or Toki from Metalocalypse when they all stop jerking off. Chucky really wants to voodoo body jack dat ass and he’s super embarrassed about it. Im so stoked for this new mini plot. Then I plan on finishing the christmas adventure with the paranormal investigators. I finally got some stuff for that one too!

[larrygoldsteinwrites]

The List

It was 1976. The Bicentennial. I had just started kindergarten in Mrs. Walsh’s class at Jefferson Elementary School. I was equipped with some generic metal lunchbox each day, and equally generic naptime mat. But at some point early in that school year, I’m not exactly sure when, I had an awakening. I discovered something that would alter my life irrevocably. No, it wasn’t girls, although that was on the horizon. For me, everything changed the day I was introduced to The Fonz.

Until this point in my pre-kindergarten life, most of my days consisted of board books, chewable toys (many of which were not supposed to be chewable), and shows like Sesame Street and Electric Company. Those PBS shows were fantastic, don’t get me wrong. Electric Company was funky, trippy and had Morgan Freeman on it (and that groovy animated music video with the pinball machine and the counting is right up there with any Spike Jonze joint). But this was something on a whole different level. This was Arthur F-ing Fonzarelli. Snuffleupagus and Big Bird were sent packing faster than poor Nikki and Paulo.

 Soon my cream cheese and jelly sandwiches (I know) were nestled in a shiny new Happy Days lunchbox. Naptime was when I busted out that sweet Fonzie mat. And I didn’t care how warm it was out, I was wearing my leather jacket to school every damn day.

They jumped the shark when he jumped the shark.

And so began my life-long obsession with everything television, something that carried through all the way to my career. So of course when I started this blog, I knew that a nostalgic television post would soon be in the cards. It had to be.

For me, TV is like music - when we hear certain songs from our past, it immediately reminds us of things from that time period, and that’s why everyone loves whatever their version of “oldies” is. And I’m no different. But for me, it’s just as strong for television. Show me an old episode of Sanford & Son, and I immediately get taken back to my living room floor after school, munching on Twizzlers and waiting for Fred and Aunt Esther to get all up in each other’s grills. Carol Burnett? My grandma introducing me to it when she babysat me while my parents went on vacation. Price Is Right? Home sick from school. Hee Haw? Well, I don’t know what happened with that one, don’t judge me.

Growing up in Western New York, we had a pretty eclectic variety of TV stations – everything from Toronto to New York City to Atlanta to Chicago. And yes, I’m old enough that we had 13 channels for a long time and no remote control. Then it all changed when we got those fake wood grain table-top cable boxes with three rows of buttons. But 13 channels were all I needed. We had WPIX in the mornings, with reruns of The Munsters, The Brady Bunch, Star Trek and of course “TV PIX”, a video game segment where kids called in and one lucky winner would get to play some random Atari game over the TV by yelling “PIX!” every time they wanted some shlub in the control room to fire a missile. Good times indeed (By the way, WPIX has an amazing Facebook page that posts pretty much every single promo and commercial that ever ran from back in the day – nothing puts you in a good mood like hearing that Crazy Eddie spokesman losing his damn mind over 4-head VCRs and tape recorders, or the raspy-voiced Carvel grandpa bragging on Cookie Puss.).

So yeah, when I wasn’t playing outside (which I did A LOT because, you know, 70’s), I was catching up with the Ingalls family, Bob Barker, The Sweathogs, all of it. I would say those were the “good old days”, but then I would sound old as dirt, plus have you watched a rerun of Silver Spoons or Diff’rent Strokes lately? They’ve aged about as well as Lindsay Lohan. And of course there was some guilty pleasure crap in there as well – from That’s Incredible to Real People to Battle of the Network Stars. But it was all pretty great when you’re a kid.

Seriously, this was no worse than My Strange Addiction or I am Cait.

So everything was cruising along nicely in my world with Fonzie, Mork and JJ Walker. Then, suddenly, in 1980, I had another TV-related awakening. This one kicked me in the ass and eventually led to my parents attempting to curtail this new obsession. They failed miserably. Or more accurately, they simply gave up and accepted it.

I was staying at my Grandma’s apartment for the weekend. It was the clichéd elderly grandma dwelling: uncomfortable furniture, TV way off to the side, little glass dishes of horrible hard candies, and a general smell of musty antiques. So I was bored as hell for the most part.

But my saving grace was that the guest room had a small TV in it. And that was huge back then. I could actually watch TV in bed, this was fantastic! So I excitedly hopped into bed ready to watch a sitcom. What I found instead changed everything.

At first glance it looked like boxing. Except that one of the guys in the ring was dressed like a cowboy. Leather vest, cowboy hat, leather gloves, and damn was he huge and mean looking. He began mercilessly pummeling his much smaller opponent, who looked like a rag doll compared to the cowboy, who even had a cool name: “Blackjack Mulligan”. At one point, Mulligan grabbed the other guy by the head, in what the announcers called “The Claw”. This must have been a really big deal, because the commentators were suddenly freaking out and warning me that I should look away.

Turns out I didn’t have to, because suddenly a big red “X” covered the screen, along with the word “CENSORED”. What the hell was happening?!? I couldn’t see anything! The announcer apologized profusely, saying that it was simply too gruesome for television. When they finally removed that damn red X, the match was over, Mulligan was putting his hat back on, and the remnants of his opponent lay twitching and bleeding in the ring. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS??? This is the greatest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. That was it, I was instantly hooked on pro wrestling. God help Ruth and George, they were in for many years of television hell.

  My dad had no choice but to know all about Animal and Hawk.

I religiously tuned in every week to see this testosterone-fueled version of soap operas, and somehow convinced my dad to take me to see it live every year at the Buffalo Memorial Auditorium. And this was right before the days of Hulk Hogan, Cyndi Lauper and all that crap that brought wrestling into the mainstream. This was back when live wrestling crowds were super sketchy, the smell of marijuana was thick in the air, and you saw some folks that scared the hell out of you, like the guy who sat next to us one year who had almost no teeth, and was very proud of the button on his denim jacket that was simply a close-up of a vagina.

It got so bad that my parents were forced to have an intervention, which is where the title of this post comes from. They called me into the kitchen, and asked me to sit down. On the table was a pad of paper and a pencil. They asked me to make a list of all the wrestling shows I watched on a weekly basis. Saturday was the big day, there were at least 4 shows that day alone. They looked very serious, so I did it, and gave them the list. My dad, clearly frustrated, said “Yeah, this is crazy, we need to cut this list down.” WHAT? It was like asking a Kardashian to chill out on the social media for a while. I was devastated, but I somehow managed to eliminate a few shows. It was difficult, it hurt, but I did it.

At some point this obsession would eventually give way to another, much less violent one.

 Arthur Fonzarelli --> Blackjack Mulligan --> Sam “Mayday” Malone.

 I had Ski Club each Thursday night for years, so my dad and I would hurry home as fast as possible so we wouldn’t miss the opening joke on Cheers at 9pm. And that’s what I mean about how television shows take you back to so many amazing times in your life – one of the reasons Cheers remains my favorite show ever is that for years, Ruth, George and I would settle in on the couch every Thursday night and watch it all unfold inside that Boston bar. It was the one show we all agreed on. My parents couldn’t stand most of my other shows, but this, this was our appointment television. As soon as those few first few piano keys started playing, all was right with the world. That song was the ultimate stress-reliever for me, and it’s no coincidence that it’s Shane’s favorite lullaby for me to sing to him to this day.

  I almost named our family dog Ernie Pantuso.

Sure, television today could not be more different than “back in the day”. It’s like comparing Otto Graham to Tom Brady (As a Bills fan, it pains me to even write that). Nowadays, not only are there countless choices, but a shitload of REALLY good choices as well, so many that it’s impossible to stay up on everything that’s great on TV. But there’s always something about the shows you grew up on that makes them special. It probably has to do with the fact that for most of us, everything was simple and easy back then. No bills to pay, no job to stress out about, no kids to take care of. Now it’s hard to totally lose yourself in a show when you realize you have 25 things to do the next day.

  You can have your Jon Snow, I’ll take Rerun.

Someone told me that my blog reminds them of the show The Wonder Years. And I totally get that, because as a total nostalgic sap I loved that show. So it all makes sense. But I don’t want my blog to simply be about nostalgia, it’s just kind of starting out that way. But hey, maybe just for the hell of it I’ll write a “very special episode”, those things need to make a comeback anyway.

[sage-nebula]

What are your favorite Duels and non-Dueling Shadow Games in Yu-Gi-Oh?

My favorite duel is hands down and bar none the pier duel, both because of how ridiculously awesome the set-up is (Malik seriously thought of everything and while his split personality is more bloodthirsty, said split personality lacks the delicious creativity that regular Malik has an ample amount of), and also (of course) because of the emotional weight behind it. I mean, as a reminder, the set-up is:

Both Yuugi and Jounouchi are handcuffed to an anchor for the duration of the duel. 

Should Yuugi win, a box at his feet will open, revealing a key which he can use to free himself. Conversely, if Jounouchi wins, a box at his feet will open, revealing a key which he can use to free himself. Each key is specific to each cuff, so the same key cannot be used to free both of them.

The loser, who is presumably not freed, will be dragged to the bottom of the ocean to drown by the anchor thirty seconds after the winner is decided.

If neither of them wins, then the bomb attached to the anchor (which drops it thirty seconds after the winner is decided) will detonate in forty minutes regardless, dragging them both to the bottom of the ocean to drown.

Anzu is kept under strict mind control the entire time (Jounouchi is also controlled by the Rod, but it’s ineffective on him and so he already has some of his personality back by the time the duel starts; Anzu is a “doll” until Malik releases her), and she has a cyanide capsule in her mouth. Should either of them refuse to duel, Malik will make her bite through/swallow it, dying almost instantly (and definitely painfully).

In order to prevent Kaiba from interfering, a Ghoul has Mokuba as a hostage, a knife pressed against his throat.

Like, goddamn, this set-up is creative as all get-out and nearly foolproof! In truth, the only reason why it fails is because the Jounouchi’s willpower is too strong for the Rod—which, I remind you, is fueled by dark magic—to handle! Jounouchi was, as explained above, already bucking the Rod to a degree before the duel starts; prior to the beginning of the duel, Jounouchi was as much of a doll as Anzu was, silently following Malik around the pier. But by the time the duel starts, Malik is no longer talking through Jounouchi; he’s influencing Jounouchi’s thoughts and personality, twisting him to act as Malik wants him to, but he has already regained enough will so that he can talk without being a mere puppet. Throughout the duel we see Jounouchi resisting more and more, regaining more of his memory and will, until he finally shatters the Rod’s hold over him completely (despite that Malik was fighting to keep him under control), regaining himself in the end and ordering Red-Eyes to attack him so that he could get Yuugi’s key as well. Literally the only factor that Malik didn’t account for—the only thing he didn’t consider, the only thing he didn’t think was possible—was Jounouchi’s indomitable will. That is the only reason why Malik’s plan at the pier failed, and it’s amazing. 

But aside from that, obviously the emotional content is magnificent as well. I’m a sucker for mind control/hypnosis plots that pit those who love each other against each other, so this one already had my interest given that the entire premise is that Malik has taken control of Jounouchi via the Rod and is forcing him to fight Yuugi to the death. But although the premise itself is worthwhile, the emotional content is delivered; the fact that Yuugi insists, repeatedly, on saving Jounouchi himself because Jounouchi always saved him; the fact that he removes the Puzzle so that Atem cannot take control back by force, and then gives it to Jounouchi explicitly because he wants Jounouchi to take care of the Puzzle, his treasure, in the event of his expected death. It isn’t even just a, “Pass this along to my grandpa,” no, it’s expressly that he wants Jounouchi to take care of the Puzzle (and therefore Atem), because he trusts and loves him just that much, and is that intent on sacrificing his life in order to save Jounouchi’s. And I mean, let’s not forget:

mfw:

Words cannot express what a gift the pier duel is for this manga and my soul. Bless the pier duel, literally everything about it. A shipper legitimately could not ask for more.

(Well, okay. A shipper could ask for more, and I personally could think of more, but in terms of “canon things in this manga that make a shipper happy,” the culmination of the pier duel pretty much takes the entire cake and licks the frosting off the plate to boot.)

As for non-duel Shadow Games, I don’t know! I can think of individual chapters that are my favorites (e.g. 11+12, 48+49), but as far as specific Games? Hmm … well, I suppose the ones that immediately come to mind are: 

Although it’s not actually a Game, I really appreciate how Atem dealt with Hirutani and his gang the first time around in chapter twelve. Essentially, the “game” was that he had the Puzzle positioned above an unconscious gang member, dripping water on him to wake him up. Inevitably when the gang member woke up he would touch his 200,000 volt stun gun to a puddle of rain, electrocting everyone save Atem (who was standing on a tire) and Jounouchi (who was still strung up by his wrists, catatonic). The “game” was that Hirutani had to guess the “switch” before it activated. And that’s … that’s not a Shadow Game, tbh. It’s just not! Atem calls it one, but there isn’t any magic involved, and the most “playing” that goes into it is a guessing game, if anything. And even then it’s not really guessing, it’s just observation (which Hirutani did get, albeit too late). It was pure petty, vindictive, “I really want to hurt and potentially kill all of you” from Atem (albeit because of Yuugi’s feelings), and I love it.

Similarly, it’s again not actually a Game, but I like Death-T 3 wherein Jounouchi was handcuffed to a serial murderer, standing in a room in which the floor was slicked with oil, locked into a death match. Aside from the Jounouchi focus here, I just like the fact that, again … it’s not a game despite how Kaiba is calling it one. Seriously, that is a fight to the death—it’s not a game! It’s not, but it’s being called one despite how it’s very obviously just a ploy to murder one of Yuugi’s friends. The chapter being exciting on its own aside, the audacity that comes with calling that a game when it clearly isn’t is hilarious to me.

I also really enjoyed almost all of Shadi’s Shadow Games, but in particular I liked the ones on the museum rooftop (all of them) because they were creative and based solely in Atem’s and Yuugi’s emotional reactions and memories. Shadi’s Games added emotional components deeply rooted in the soul that many (most?) Shadow Games didn’t, and again, that sort of thing is the thing that gets me.

On a different note, I liked the Shadow Game that Atem played with the shop owner in chapter eight, with the scorpion, coins, and shoe. Again, no magic at play here, but that Game was ballsy af and I enjoyed it for that reason.

We don’t actually get to see this carried out, and it’s not explicitly referred to as a Shadow Game, but I think the Devil’s Board Game is very interesting and I’m still interested in more backstory about that—about how Sugoroku and Otogi’s father got a hold of it, why Sugoroku agreed to such a thing, how Otogi’s father kept it, et cetera. We have just enough information to make the story understandable, but there are still pieces left out there, and I think it’s interesting.

So yeah, those ones are probably my favorites, but really the entire school arc is interesting just because of the variety of games that are played. I wish we had more variety later on instead of focusing so heavily on Duel Monsters all the time.

[bestfriendforhire]

Children of BFFH, Entry 53

 “Messy, did you remember your toothbrush!?” exclaimed Mom as she ran by, dropping laundry as she went.

 “Yes, Mom!” I called back.

 She always insisted on doing a show for Granddaddy, just like she always insisted on flying on commercial airlines with economy seating for group trips instead of whisking us away.  I took a calming breath, trying not to think about what the next few hours would be like.

 “Hi, Grandpa!” exclaimed Serenity from downstairs, causing me to rip off part of my suitcase.

 I quickly fixed that and part of the floor that had turned to acid.

 “Sorry, Messy.  She begged, and Emma caved.” explained Sis through my earpiece.  “Serenity is well aware that I’m not about to try keeping her away from her grandmother.”

 Granddaddy was greeting them both downstairs.

 “Messy, do you have enough underwear?” asked Mom, slipping on the dropped laundry from earlier and causing her suitcase to open as it hit the ground.

 “Mom!” I exclaimed in annoyance as I did my best not to destroy anything else.  She probably did things like that to help train me, but she might just find my reactions funny.  Mom would laugh just as hard during the death of a populated planet as she would during a comedy act.

 “Depends on the act.  Some aren’t that funny.” she whispered as she made a show of rubbing her head and sorting out the toppled suitcase.

 “Let me get that, Mother.” insisted Sis as she hurried up the stairs.

 “Thank you.” I mouthed when Sis knelt down by my door.  I really, really needed to stay calm on this flight.  If I caused a catastrophic problem with the plane, Mom might not let me fix it.  Why oh why had Serenity insisted on coming along?  She knew I was having difficulty with control right now.

 “Hi, Messy!” she called as she entered my room with a big grin.  She jumped at me, hugging me with the strength to crush a tank.

 Resisting the urge to throw her off, I said, “Hey, Serenity.  Looking forward to the flight?”

 “You betcha!  Nothing like a little vacation!  Luce was a bit disappointed that we’re heading to England first, since she goes there often, but I want Doc to show us all kinds of things!” she replied with a big grin.

 Getting mad at Serenity was useless.  She meant well, and I really did need to spend more time with her if I was ever going to get past my anxiety.  There was even a small chance that I could be a good influence, tempering her enthusiasm a little.  “I’m looking forward to seeing what she shows us as well.  I’m not allowed to visit any time at whim.” I replied, mentally adjusting the sentence to “any point in time physically”.  Mom had no qualms about taking my spirit through time, especially to events that were at least mildly disturbing.

 “Come on, girls.” called Sis, having sorted out the suitcase despite Mom’s “help”.

 Serenity and I hurried out, passing off my suitcase to Sis, since Granddaddy expected her to easily handle the weight, where he’d be shocked if he knew that Serenity and I were much stronger than he was.

 Mom hurried past us to the slide, yelling “Together!”

 Serenity and I joined her with Serenity sandwiched as we slid to the first floor, arms raised like we were on a rollercoaster.  Granddaddy laughed and hugged us each in turn.

 “Be sure to be careful, and don’t go off on your own.” he told us all.  Looking at Mom, he continued, saying, “I know you’re an adult now, but no one will recognize that without knowing who you are, and some might try kidnapping you if they do recognize you.”

 “Don’t worry, Daddy!  We’ll stay safe.” she assured him, grinning excitedly.

 Poor Granddaddy was really going to be in for a shock when he died and saw Mom there to collect him.  He gave Mila a hug too, and then held the door, watching as we walked into the elevator.

 Looking around in surprise after the elevator door shut, Serenity asked “Are we really taking the limo!?”

 “One hour and six minutes in the car, two hours at the airport, seven hours and fifty minutes to London, and then another forty minutes to our hotel.  I warned you there was a reason we were heading out a day before the others.” replied Sis.

 “But Momma!  I thought that was code for something more exciting…” pouted Serenity looking too cute for someone nicknamed “Crazy”.

 Smirking I asked “You really thought we only flew commercially the once when Emma and you joined us?”

 “Well, Momma Emma always wants me to fly with her, so I just assumed… I mean, normally the rest of us hop all over the place, so…” replied Serenity, her mind obviously going a million times faster than her mouth.  “I mean, I could beat a plane there with just a bit of running.” she insisted, certainly correct in her assessment.

 “You can run back over to the mansion if you want.” offered Sis.

 Serenity obviously considered the idea momentarily, and then wrapped her arm around me.  “Nah.  I’ll fly with you three.” she decided.

 Sis was probably flying with the others as well as with us, since she liked to have at least one body on hand to serve the Boss.  Serenity would surely have more fun hanging out with the others…

 “Oh, Messy, don’t be such a pessimist.” chided Mom with an amused grin.  Mom really knew how to make me worry.

 After we said farewell to the doorman and entered the limo, I asked “There won’t be a problem with our flight, will there?”

 Mom grinned.

 “Mom!  What are you going to do!?” I asked, desperately hoping she’d tell me the truth in as few words as possible.

 “Nothing.” she replied with a shrug.

 “Then what will happen?” asked Serenity excitedly.

 Shrugging, Mom told her “Well, there happens to be a slight problem with one of the engines, which won’t be noticed before liftoff.  Roughly halfway through the trip…”

 “Nothing happens, because I fixed the engine before liftoff, right, Mommy!?” I told her, hoping she’d accept the pleading.

 “Oh.” she pouted.  “I suppose that’s the case.”

 I fixed the seat where I had squeezed and accidentally allowed my magic to change its composition.

 “Messy…” complained Serenity.  “That could have been fun!  I’ve never been in a plane crash.”

 “Unlike you, the other passengers could die.” I reminded her.

 “Oh, please… We’d save them before Grandma Death claimed them.  They’d be too panicked to even notice.” she insisted.

 I sighed, not wanting to argue the entire way to the airport.  I could easily imagine the arguments in her favor, and we probably could save each and every person without being caught, but there was always a chance we’d miss someone.  Unlike Mom, we weren’t infallible.  Coming up with a thousand possible solutions in a second didn’t amount to much if there were too many variables involved.

 I had to block Serenity’s attacks over a dozen times on the way to the airport, and my head was still reeling with plane crash scenarios by the time we arrived.  As we walked inside, I ignored the stares and started mentally inspecting planes, checking each one for problems.

 “Talk about reduced maintenance fees.” mumbled Mom halfway to check-in.

 I ignored her, though I was wondering if she had some reason to want me to do so many minor repairs along with fixing our engine.  There was a chance that the repairs I made would lead to the death of others by altering who was working when important repairs were actually needed.  At very least, I was positive I hadn’t made a mistake with my work, but I didn’t know the future, unlike Mom.

 “Hello, Francesca!” exclaimed Mom.

 “Hi there…” started our ticket agent.  Looking up from her monitor, she stared at us, probably wondering who she really should be dealing with, considering Mom still looked like she wouldn’t hit puberty for years.  Looking to Sis, she asked “How might I help you today?”

 “Down here, please!” exclaimed Mom, waving her hand at the lady.  “Hi, again.  We’d like to get our boarding passes and check in our bags.”

 Obviously forcing a smile, Francesca said, “Certainly.  Are any of you over eighteen?”

 “I’m nearly twenty-six.  Here’s our ID.” replied Mom as she handed the card over.  “My daughters are thirteen and twelve.  My granddaughter is eight.”

 Every year I felt sorry for the airport staff stuck dealing with Mom.  Mom was being perfectly accurate as far as all legal documentation would show, though she certainly lied about her own age.  My sister’s was… questionable, given the peculiarities of how her existence worked and countless years of time travel.  I wasn’t positive that even Sis would be satisfied with a single number to represent her own age.  After a little hesitation, Francesca must have decided that any issues here were someone else’s problems, since she helped us with our bags and passed over the boarding passes.

 The TSA agents were less helpful.  Mom always made life difficult for them.  The man checking our boarding passes held up the line till his boss told him to just let us through.  Sis’ scan definitely threw them off, but the same could be said for each of us.  All of our bags showed weapons in the scan, as did our bodies.  Using an artificial body, Sis’ scan was just weirder for them.  There weren’t any weapons, of course, but explaining why all of our luggage was nothing but stuffed animals took a while as the agents carefully tried to find concealed weapons in each one.  I caught a couple people snapping pictures from around the screens.  Eventually, someone in a suit—who must have recognized us from a previous trip—stopped the search and sent us on our way.  

Serenity giggled through everything, pleased as Punch.  “Oh..   Did you see their faces!?” she asked, still giggling.

 “I keep telling them that we’re perfectly harmless, but they always want to check my bags.” teased Mom as she feigned a look of complete confusion.

 “Gee, I wonder why.” replied Sis with a roll of her eyes.

 “That’s great!” exclaimed Serenity.  “Please, tell me we get to do this through Europe too!”

 “Sorry, sweetheart, but we’ll be flying with the rest.  You’re welcome to join us on the trip back to the U.S. on another commercial flight if Emma approves.” replied Sis.

 “Pleeeease, help me convince her, Momma!” begged Serenity.

 “I’ll help too!” exclaimed Mom.

 Hugging her, Serenity said, “Yes!  Thank you, Grandma!”

 Ignoring the looks from other travelers, I reminded myself to stay calm.  Serenity was going to behave this whole trip.  Everything would be fine.

 “Are we going to eat airport food?” asked Serenity as she sniffed the air.  “Some of it smells okay, and Aspy will be jealous!”

 “Sure!  I’m buying!” exclaimed Mom with a big grin.

 I refrained from sighing.  Mom was probably going to arrange some sort of discount, even though money was yet another joke to her.  She might well be on five different planets, eating the most delectable cuisine available, at the moment.  She certainly was eating throughout time, which made as little difference to her as being in multiple places simultaneously.

 She took my hand, pulling Serenity and me onward as Sis hauled our carry-on bags.  As we walked, I pictured various things Sis was probably doing.  She was probably talking with the Boss, helping the other kids, and playing a game.  I was certain that she’d be having incredibly complicated conversations with Mom while also running Best Friend For Hire’s various transportation services.  Feeling Mom squeeze my hand, I stopped those thoughts, knowing I needed to stay more aware of where I was.  Letting myself feel depressed could vaporize someone around me.  I really didn’t like airports.

 “Dad, look!” exclaimed a girl to my left as we stepped in line for Mad Tom’s Pizza-by-the-Slice.  She was probably around Luce’s age, but definitely human.

 “Shh… don’t point, sweetie.” he told her, though he sounded excited too.

 “But… we might never see her again.  Can’t we get her autograph?” she asked in a loud whisper.

 “Well, she’s busy, sweetheart.  You really shouldn’t bother people in airports.” he replied.

 Shoving Mom at them, I said, “I’ll pay.”

 Mom smirked as she glanced back at me, saying, “I want cake with my pie!”  Then she went over to her fans, taking a seat to chat with them.

 “Aww… that was nice of you.” stated Serenity as she poked me from behind.

 I shrugged, stepping up to the counter.  Ordering food wasn’t ever pleasant either.  Not making eye contact could give weird impressions, and my eyes always made an impression on people.  There was no winning, so I pulled Serenity up to order.  Luckily, she took the hint, ordering enough food for half a football team.  I just paid without commenting.

 Having left our bags by our table, Sis helped us carry all of the pizza and drinks, using another table too.  I reached into a bag, disposed of some of the stuffed animals, and created a cake to pull out, so Mom wouldn’t complain.

 “That looks really good!” exclaimed Serenity, sniffing it.  “Is that made with the fruit you invented?"

 I nodded, saying, “Mom’s been having me work on a cake recipe that uses it.  This is her favorite so far.”

 “I’ll have to fight her for a slice!” insisted Serenity, despite knowing she could never win.  Catching my look, she said, “What!?  You know Grandma will let me have some anyways…”

 “This is cake we’re talking about.” pointed out Sis.

 “Well, she might if I beg enough after losing.” suggested Serenity hopefully.

 I pulled out a second, smaller box of the same cake, handing it to her.

 “Really!?  Thank you, Messy!” she told me as she took the box.

 “Pizza first.  Only Mother is allowed to eat cake before her meal.” insisted Mila, probably doubting that Mom would even bother with the mediocre pizza.

 Serenity shrugged, set the cake aside, and started digging into her pizza, making silly faces with each bite and having Sis take pictures to show our friends.  By the time Mom joined us, she had signed autographs for the girl who recognized her, another for the girl’s dad, and a few others who happened to see her as they passed by.

 “What!?” she exclaimed, grinning at me.  “I promise that none of them are going to die soon.”

 “Thank you, Mom.” I told her.

 Sighing dramatically, she said, “My own daughter thinks I go around killing people for kicks!”

 “No, I’m aware you always have a reason, but I don’t have to like it.” I replied.

 “So rebellious!” she teased.  “I signed autographs because you wanted me to, and I’m glad to have such a kind daughter.”

 “I learned from the best.” I told her.  Seeing her about to take credit, I said, “Sorry, I meant from the Boss.”  Mom was the best at everything, that was simply a fact of existence, but the Boss showed me the importance of being kind.

 She rolled her eyes, smiling.  Then she opened up the cake box, pulled out the fork inside, and started eating her cake.

 When we were done eating, we made our way to the terminal, boarding with only a little hassle.  We had been assigned to the emergency row, which led to the poor boarding clerk desperately wanting someone else to trade spots.  Apparently, my short-statured family didn’t look suited for the all-important task of utilizing the emergency exit in the case of a crash that we knew with absolute certainty wouldn’t happen, given that I had already fixed the engine.  None of us complained.  We didn’t need leg room.  Plus, we all ended up together in the center row instead of splitting slightly.

 Instead of entertaining ourselves, Mom got us chatting with some of the nearby passengers who “just happened” to play her games as well as a first-time flyer who had been overly nervous about the flight.  Whether she planned for this particular scenario or just let events she liked unfold, I always appreciated that Mom could be kind too.