#and this is after having a fever and body aches Sunday night and all of Monday (no other symptoms of sickness at least)

[extervus]

This belongs on my personal and eventually I'll delete it but bro I'm gonna straight up cry I'm so tired of feeling ill. Ate something bad last night and then puked at work this morning and I feel like ass but I need the money and if I left early I'd lose out on like $100 this sucks man

[porcupine-girl]

So, Friday night I had trouble sleeping bc my back hurt. But putting a heating pad on it for a few hours helped enough for me to get to sleep. Saturday night, same thing. Only the pain was like radiating to my arm, as it does sometimes, but also the muscles in my side and around to my left breast were sore. Then my skin started feeling really weird in the same general area - not quite painful, but oversensitive and uncomfortable.

Then Sunday when I went to take a shower I realized I had a weird rash. I called my husband in to look at it, because a lot of it was on my back where it’s hard to see. It didn’t itch, but it was in nasty-looking blotches from my back around, again, to my left breast. I assumed it had something to do with sleeping on the heating pad and sweating or something.

But the muscles were still sore and the skin was on and off again oversensitive all day yesterday. Then this morning a spot on my side hurt and when I looked there was a new blotch of rash there.

And that was when I actually thought the words “what could cause a painful rash — oh shit.”

As soon as I mentally put it into the words “painful rash” specifically my brain immediately pinged on the one thing that’s known to cause that: shingles! 🙃 I looked it up and a) the rash is usually a band around one side of your torso ☑️ b) the sensitivity/pain comes before the rash ☑️

I went to urgent care after class, she took one look at it and was like yep that’s shingles. Luckily if you get the antiviral within a couple days of the rash appearing it’s supposed to keep it from getting as bad.

Right now the rash itself only hurts a little; worse is the body/bone aches that have developed. No fever yet, thankfully, though I think I do have a bit of the chills despite no fever.

Hopefully it won’t be too bad other than, y’know, the open seeping sores these will become for 1-2 weeks.

[mecchaii]

So I caught COVID-19 for the first time, and I just wanted to share how the symptoms have presented themselves with me, an overweight woman in her late twenties that has had four vaccinations

So, I’ve had a cough for several days, at least since Wednesday. But it wasn’t until Sunday that I had a fever, slight body aches, a heavier cough, nasal congestion, a runny nose. My fever reached 38.7°C (101.66°F) so I rested all day. The following day, my fever was gone and has not returned.

I went to work on Monday (I didn’t know it was covid, and my job expects people to only stay home if they have a fever). My cough was really bad. I was on the subway with this violent cough and itch in my throat. It was like my entire body was exerting itself, so when my coughs subsided, I would feel pain even in my pelvis, back, and arms. It wouldn’t last long, it felt the way your chest hurts and relaxes after coughing.

A few hours into work, I started to feel that my coughs were turning into retching. So, I ran to the restroom and vomited, and my nose bled at the same time.

For the next couple of hours, I needed to keep blowing my nose because it was so runny, and my voice was hoarse. I also felt fatigue. I left early from work and went to a clinic to take a rapid test. I tested positive.

Since then, I’ve been self-quarantining. As said previously, I haven’t had a fever since Sunday. However, when coughing up phlegm, and just recently vomiting, I’ve bled from my nose. I had pain within my left ear on Monday night, and it was painful to swallow at one point. My mucus has been thick, and I’ve had a stuffy nose.

Regarding the nosebleeds, I do want to share that I’m someone who gets random nosebleeds every once in a while, ever since I was a kid. However, I’ve never had nosebleeds while vomiting or coughing before. And this time around, I’ve been having so many nosebleeds that I’ve lost count. And the blood has come out of both nostrils.

I’ve never seen any mention about frequent nosebleeds as a symptom of Covid before, so I thought that piece in particular would be noteworthy.

[sf-libet]

i have actually been quite ill for the past 4ish days. only just now posting about it here because my fever finally broke yesterday and I know it's not covid

heres a quick recap for you sick freaks (affectionate)

-had a sore throat on saturday, sucked ass but was easily manageable

-woke up on sunday very obviously feverish, all my senses were off and my whole thought process was a little cloudy. also had a headache and due to having worked out the day before a lot of misc muscle aches

-despite being covered with 2 full size comforters and literally being able to feel how outright warm I was (particularly with my cat snuggled up next to me) i was still shivering. haven't had a fever in a while so forgot how much that sucks

-sore throat cleared up tho, so yayyyy

-was in and out of consciousness for about 18 hours, woke up once to take some ibuprofen, woke up multiple other times to piss (I was staying well hydrated at least)

-had a lot of those fun moments where I literally just couldn't get to sleep despite feeling exhausted because I was too uncomfortable, surprised my cat never got up and left while I was trying to find a comfy spot but he always readjusted to snuggle up closer

-eventually was conscious enough to get out of bed, still very shaky and feeling obviously unwell but knew I needed to eat and also really felt like I needed a shower

-felt better after eating and showering, sat down and scrolled social media/read for a bit before passing out again (I mightve played some video games, but did I mention yet that we were right in the middle of that huge ice storm? yeah we lost internet for a day and power multiple times)

-did the same entire process through the next day, but woke up feeling significantly better around the evening, took another shower, ate more stuff, read more, fever was coming down

-started coughing like mad though, thankfully wasn't ruining my throat but started having weird feelings in my chest, made it tough to get back to sleep sometimes

-today: woke back up late at night yesterday with the sense that my fever was actually mostly gone (body actually wanted to cool down, which was nice, but also meant i woke up covered in sweat a few times), but still coughing, low energy, and later on that night, my nose started running, and i started sneezing with relative frequency (i don't usually sneeze naturally that often, between 9 pm yesterday and right now I've sneezed like 16 times (including 2 doubles!))

-i'm now mostly on the mend but my nose is still running and jesus my sneezes are intense. like throat wrenching shit, hurts worse than coughing sometimes. and they come on so quick and suddenly. i'd like to maybe record some but I can't even because they come on too quickly for me to open a recording software at all

so yeah that's been my weekend.

[s-bradburiedalive]

One of the things that Sutton couldn't understand was the way other people used dating apps. It was called a dating app. If she was using a dating app, it wasn't going to be for some casual hookup; she could go to a bar or a club if she wanted that. No, Sutton was on dating apps for dates. If something more came from it, then wonderful. But there would at least be a first date, typically during the day or on a weeknight just to really solidify the idea that she wasn't looking to go home with anyone, and she certainly wasn't going to bring them home with her.

So, when she'd actually managed to have a decent conversation with a guy on Tinder that wasn't immediately a proposal to meet up at a bar or Netflix and chill, Sutton had latched onto it, offering to meet him for Sunday brunch and maybe go for a walk after. No one expected you to stay the night if the date ended in the early afternoon. When the guy accepted, she couldn't help but feel intense relief.

She just wanted to feel normal; she was aching for it. After the night that Abigail had broken into Sutton's apartment, it'd taken long enough for the horns to finally fade from her head that she'd thought they'd never go away, and, when they did, she'd felt sick. Not terribly sick. She'd just had a fever the day after, one that was bad enough for her to email her professors that she wouldn't be coming in that day. Her body had been so hot and cold at the same time, and she'd just ached to the point that she was worried she needed a doctor, but it'd finally gone away.

And now she was actually having a decent conversation with a law student, the two of them having already enjoyed their meals and now simply enjoying each other's company. He was certainly a nice enough guy, easy to talk to. He had no problem talking about himself but actually cared enough to ask about her, too. It was certainly better than the dick pic she'd gotten from one guy or the offer for a threesome one girl wanted with her boyfriend.

It was so nice that Sutton didn't actually notice Abigail until she was walking near where they were eating outside. She didn't shrink into her seat or try to hide, not wanting to look suspicious, but Sutton couldn't help but hope that maybe Abigail didn't see them as she tried to focus on her date's conversation, laughing at all the right moments as he told a story about his internship serving people last summer.

@abigailxiang

[spacecadetspe]

A snippet from last year...

May 8. 2023

I suppose it's fitting that when I dream with Morpheus, my vision is always crystal clear.  Too many nights I've had hazy or easily-forgotten dreams, and that bothers me.  I love being in the Dream World.

He explained to me later that he'd seen the emergence of another aspect, and decided to take it upon himself to guide me through the process of releasing her.  It felt like he was taking me on a walk.  We were talking and flirting, and I mentioned how I loved the sound of his accent.  I was still very much asleep, and I remember saying it sounded Francophone, which made him scoff lovingly at me (Once I woke up, I shook my head at my own antics and recalled very vividly that Greek is an actual language).  Still, I enjoyed walking with him, arm in arm, just being in love for a little while... until the aspect made herself known.

Where Morpheus had taken me and what my mind saw were two very different places.  A misty night in early summer, lit by the flickering of fireflies, became a rich night-market in Japan or China.  Vendors sat at their stalls, and the winding streets of the bazaar led into back-alley dens for substance and body dealings.  I remember very suddenly feeling like I was being threatened by a woman who was cracking an egg into a bowl; I had the crazy idea that she was going to try to put it in my hair.  I grabbed her by the shirt and made it quite clear that I hadn't done anything to deserve this treatment (I think she had insinuated that I'd slept with her husband). and stood up in a hurry.

That was when I regained lucidity, and broke out of the dream state.  I teleported to my private nest on the coast and curled up in a ball on my bed... and Morpheus followed me.  He asked me what was wrong, and I said I'd made a fool of myself quite enough for one night.  To my surprise, he petted my shoulder and said I'd done well to snap out of it.  If the aspect had had a firmer hold on my psyche, I wouldn't have regained lucidity.

My back began to ache, and I told him so.  He looked down, and his eyes got wide for a moment.  Then he chuckled.  

"You have an extra arm."

"What?" I asked shrilly.  Now, I can manifest other arms with which to do battle or other tasks, but this one apparently belonged to my aspect, the Victim.

Morpheus climbed over me and pulled on her hand, and she slid out into his arms.  Lucky girl.

Still, Morpheus made it clear that we'd have to do some processing to get that information completely filed away.  Most of the vision he'd walked me through was what had been needed to release the Victim from my dominant self.

I went through part of Sunday in a haze.  I caught W's sinus infection, so I lay down for a nap after lunch.  And my darling Morpheus followed me.  He led me into a little grotto at the base of the cliff by the nest, where we made love.  He had warned me not to strain myself too much, or I'd be too tired to sleep.  But once I was safely asleep... well... all bets were off.  And as usual, he was amazing.

Unfortunately, our lovemaking kicked off the remainder of the vision I'd broken out of earlier.  The Victim was a Japanese or Chinese noblewoman who had been disgraced, chased from her home by a mob, and then drowned.

I woke up feeling more whole, but still hazy from fever.  I must still need rest...

[bylightofdawn]

WIP Sunday

I almost missed WIP Sunday two weeks in a row, that's not going to do. Today has been a really bad pain day. It's been raining most of the day and that's really caused my joint pain to flare up pretty bad and on top of it I slept weirdly and messed up my neck and have had a headache pretty much all day long.

So I haven't accomplished much of anything but been a useless lump all day long. So I cannot speak for the quality of this snippet.

Uhhh for context, this is from the post-desertion Cody fic I've been writing this week. He's been on a run for over a month, his blaster wound he got on the Desix campaign has become infected and is now dealing with it turning septic. But when you're a wanted, unhoused and undocumented clone living in a homeless camp, your options are pretty limited.

It's pretty much endless Cody whump. Super rough, and definitely needs to be cleaned up and edited etc. And with this I am going to put my poor laptop away and collapse. I got my new ram and cooling fan but just have not felt well enough to even attempt to operate on it so that might be a project for tomorrow after work or maybe next Wednesday which is my next day off.

I'm calling it an early night because I really feel like rubbish.

Within a few days, the wound had begun to show signs of infection. It was tender at first, and then the skin around it grew red and warm to the touch. He’d seen enough infected battlefield wounds to know how dangerous they could get if untreated.

His options were pretty limited. Some back-alley ‘medics’ were willing to trade with those undocumented transients such as Cody though he tried to avoid drawing any attention to himself if he could manage. It was hard when your face was one of the most infamous and recognizable in the galaxy.

Of course, in these trying times, many clones were apparently deserting just like Cody had, so he’d heard rumors of other brothers passing through the city's seedy underbelly.

He’d also heard rumors of certain gangs turning them in for the bounty the Empire offered for rogue clones, which is why he made sure to keep his head down and not draw too much attention to himself.

Unfortunately, the infection finally got to such a state that he knew he would have to seek medical treatment because the wound was now an angry red with equally angry lines tracing out from it. Which he knew was a tell-tale sign of septicemia, as though the body aches and fever he was battling wasn’t enough to tell him he had one hell of an infection.

Following the suggestion of the ancient Bothan who slept nearby, he forced his aching body into action as he sought out the particular shady-looking Dug with a booth filled with seemingly meaningless junk. He eyed Cody with mean, jaded eyes, expecting he might try and nick some of his wares.

“What do you want, clone?”

“I’m looking for some antibiotics or bacta for an infection.” Cody knew better than to potentially point out his weak, exploitable injury. It was a little alarming that after a month of no shaving and sporting a no doubt slightly ragged beard and the weathered cap he wore that he was still so instantly recognizable as a clone, but that was the least of his worries at this point.

The Dug’s flat, unfriendly gaze didn’t waver as he maneuvered himself behind his cramped and cluttered space. “No antibiotics, and bacta is hard to come by down here.”

Cody offered his own flat stare now. “I guess I can try somewhere else then.”

“Heh, good luck. No one has the stock I have. And something tells me you’re not up for walking from here to next ten levels up to the next market” The Dug scoffed with a sneer and neatly pulled a battered box containing a tube of bacta gel.

“Fifty credits.”

“Fifty?! That thing goes for maybe fifteen on the surface brand new.” That was the price of medical grade bacta and was a full one-quarter of his entire amount of carefully garnered pool of credits.

“Unless you want to go to the surface and deal with dodging all those Corrie Guard. Maybe I should comm them now, report I found one of their wayward meat droids all the way down here, huh?” The Dug sneered at him with a calculating look in his eyes. “Maybe they’ll take you to a hospital before they execute you?”

He laughed nastily and waved the box containing the bacta in Cody’s direction in a lazy manner. “Unless you have something worth trading, huh?” Then, those avarice-filled eyes fell upon the blaster secured at Cody’s side and the clone commander automatically covered it with his hand.

Somehow, he hadn’t had it stolen off of his person, and it was his sole and best source of defense against the predators that roamed the tenement camp. If he lost that, he lost all hope of fending off the bottom-feeders that picked on the weakest and easiest targets amongst the unhoused sentients that made up their ramshackle temporary community.

It was tantamount to a death sentence at this point.

Cody dug into the various pockets he’d sewn into his clothing and pulled out the precious credits needed to pay for the bacta.

“If it doesn’t work, I’m coming back here and shooting you.” He threatened flatly.

“I doubt you’ll be in any condition to do anything if it doesn’t worry, save your empty threats, clone.” The Dug gave another grating-sounding laugh as it handed over the bacta and secreted Cody’s hard-earned credits away. “Now go, before I decide the puny bounty on your head is worth the effort.”

[watchmegetobsessed]

BLANK PAGE (WF extra blurb)

⚫️A/N: my fave duo is back for a short blurb!! i really wanted to bring them back as soon as possible and i finally had the time to write this little blurb about the time they decided to move in together!

⚫️PAIRING: Professor!Harry X Reader

⚫️WORD COUNT: 1.5k

SERIES MASTERPOST | SUPPORT ME!

Your head feels like monkeys are pounding on it, your joints and muscles are aching and you don’t remember what it’s like to breathe through your nose. It’s been clogged for days now while also constantly running, which has always been such a weird thing to you, but your body does a lot of questionable things when you’re sick.

The nightstand holds the most important supplies, tissues, both dirty and clean ones, thermometer, an empty mug and another one filled with tea, pills and all kinds of medicine you hoped would ease you out of this hell, but your sickness has been torturing you for three days now. It started with a sore throat and you really thought it would go away quickly, but it just got worse until you had to call in sick on Wednesday. You barely left your bed since then, sleeping the days away as you slowly recover from the meanest cold you’ve ever had to fight.

You faintly hear the front door open and close, a pair of feet walking down the hallway in a familiar pattern. Just as you blink your eyes open you see Harry appearing at the door of your bedroom, his beautiful green eyes filled with concern as he walks closer and sits to the edge of the bed, his hand finding your forehead in an instant to check how hot it is.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?” he coos and his voice is like the honey in your tea.

“A bit better,” you sigh, as you force out a tiny smile for him.

He’s been over at your place every possible moment, even almost took a day out when you told him how shitty you’d been feeling, but you convinced him it’s perfectly fine if he just drops by after work. He is taking good care of you, helped you bathe when your fever was the worst, got you anything you could possibly need and he’s been cleaning your place for you these past two days, changing your bedsheets, cleaning your bathroom, washing your dishes. He is a saint and you’re the luckiest woman alive.

“I brought you some soup. You want to come and eat it at the table or do you want me to bring it to bed?” He caresses your cheek before his hand drops to his lap, his eyes never leaving you. You know you look like shit, you haven’t washed your hair in almost a week, your skin is not in the best shape since you haven’t had the energy to even properly wash your face, and you’re pretty sure you have a stain on your shirt, because you spilled tea on yourself this morning. Not your best shape, but you feel like you have nothing to hide from him.

You’ve been an official couple for almost a year now, after all the craziness you went through, now you’re happier than ever, aside from your current state. There’s no doubt Harry is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life and you still owe Niall for bringing him back to you.

“I’ll go and eat it at the table. Feel like I’m becoming one with this bed,” you groan and finally a tiny smile appears on his face.

Harry stays the night, you take a shower with him and he washes your hair, it makes you feel instantly better and when you fall asleep in his arms it’s like the best medicine you could take.

By the time Sunday rolls around you finally make progress and start looking and feeling like an actual human being. You haven’t had a fever in over a day and your nose has also started functioning again. You’re chilling on the couch, watching a series you started together, you’re basically lying on top of Harry, his arms wrapped tight around you.

“Are you staying the night?” you hum, kissing his chest. Tomorrow is Monday and you decided to stay home just one more day while he has work, but that doesn’t mean he can’t spend the night with you.

“Do you want me to?” he asks and you lift your head to look at him.

“You know I always want you around. Do you not feel like I want you around?”

“I do,” he smiles. “Just want to make sure I’m not bothering you,” he adds.

“Harry, you’ll know when you’re bothering me. But weirdly, even then, I still want you around.”

“Yeah?” His grin starts to grow.

“Yeah. I might want to smack you, but I love you and I want you around as much as possible.”

He stares back at you with bright eyes and you push yourself up so your lips could meet before you lie your head back to his chest. You shift your focus back to the show on the screen while Harry thinks about your words a little longer and another side to them that’s been on his mind for a while now.

A few weeks later you’re both having an extremely busy week. Harry has a lot of deadlines and you’re working on a new and important project too, so coordinating your lives has been a hard task with your packed schedules and it’s been stressing you both out, not seeing each other as much as you want.

When you finally manage to be at the same place you notice that something is on Harry’s mind. At first you think he is just tired, that his mind is still at work, but when you finish dinner you realize that it has to be something else.

“H?” you softly place a hand to his back when he is washing the dishes. He hums in reply. “Do you want to talk about what’s on your mind?” you ask, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

With a sigh, he finishes the last plate and shuts the water off, drying his hand in a towel as he turns to face you. You can see the gears turning in his head, trying to find the right words.

“I think a lot about the stages of a relationship and when things are supposed to happen. I know it’s different for everyone, but I just… I don’t want to bring something up too early, when you’re not ready.”

“Just tell me what’s on your mind, we can talk it over,” you tell him softly and moving closer you wrap your arms around his waist and he pulls you into his embrace right away.

“I’ve been thinking about when you were sick. How I just wanted to take care of you whenever and however I could and be there when you needed me. And this week, it’s been a pain in the ass to find time to even see each other. So… I think that I want to… That I would like it if we… If we lived together.”

He is nervous. He doesn’t know how you’ll react, he is afraid you’ll think it’s too early. Harry feels like he’s spent his whole life loving you and he has no doubt he wants to spend the rest of it with you as well, but he’s never entirely sure you feel the same way, even though you do or say nothing to make him question your intentions.

He stares down at you, looking for any sign of discomfort at the idea, but when he sees a warm smile stretch across your face, the knot in his stomach disappears.

“I think that would be amazing.”

“Really? You’re not just saying it because I brought it up?”

“No,” you shake your head chuckling. “I’ve been actually thinking about it too. Would be nice to come home to you every day, not have to plan when we see each other because we are always together when we have the time. So I like the idea a lot.”

“Oh God, you have no idea how relieving this is to me,” Harry exhales heavily and you have to laugh at how dramatic he made the situation out to be.

“Did you think I would react differently? I always tell you I want to be with you as much as possible, I thought we were on the same page.”

“We are, I was just… I didn’t see your page clearly,” he chuckles as he leans down and kisses your lips softly. “So… we’re gonna do this?”

“Absolutely,” you nod confidently.

“Are you thinking about using either your or my space or should we look for a new one?”

“I think we deserve a new one. I used to share my place with Derek and you found yours when we were still in a weird place, we should get ourselves a blank page.”

“I like that. We can find one with a huge closet for all your clothes,” he suggests, his eyes filled with excitement, like a kid on Christmas morning.

“And we can have lots of book cases for your mini library,” you gush cupping his face in your hands.

“That sounds…”

“Good?” you grin at him.

“Yeah. But also exactly like the future I want to have with you.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[peachycoreroo]

Umm, I got a request! What about their s/o being sick and how they would take care of them? If you feel comfortable with that, you can a spice it up a bit with cockwarming 👀 I'd love to see Sugawara, Kuroo, Satori, Oikawa and Bokuto!

characters: sugawara koushi, kuroo tetsurou, tendou satori, oikawa tooru, bokuto koutaro

genre: fluff, smut, comfort(??)

word count: 1.6k

warnings: fem!reader, it's mostly fluff, cockwarming, hinting at oral fem! receiving, mentions of medication, established relationships

authors note: uhh it got kind of repetetive with the cockwarming so i threw oral in there, but i hope you'll still like it!! if you see kuroo’s being the longest, no you don’t<3 here's a link to my masterlist

sugawara koushi:

sugawara koushi was a good husband in many ways. he was attentive, loving and a great cook, alas a bit aggressively positive whenever you felt insecure or stressed. nothing you couldn’t handle. but as you laid in your shared bed with a cold, you once again were reminded of why you loved him so much.

“so, chicken soup or potato soup?”, suga asked again, after you didn’t respond the first time, being too immersed in your thoughts about him. coughing, you tried to sit up, just to get pushed down again.

“no. no getting up. you stay here, i do everything.” looking up at your silver-haired husband, you smiled softly and finally replied: “chicken, please.”

with a nod, you were once again left alone, just like before sugawara came home from work. ten minutes later, he returned with a steaming bowl and a spoon, sitting down beside you. refusing to make you do anything at all, he insisted on feeding you himself.

“thank you so much, kou’. you make the best chicken soup”, you lovingly whispered as he fed you, making him smile at the compliment you always gave when he cooked it.

after the meal, you reached out towards the elementary school teacher, murmuring: “’wanna be close to you.”

knowing exactly what you wanted, he lied down behind you before taking out his cock and stroking it a few times. as he pushed your panties to the side and slipped inside your tight walls, you felt like you could finally completely relax.

you felt safe in his arms, as he pressed soft kisses along your shoulder, knowing you always had a husband who was willing to take care of your every need.

kuroo tetsurou:

being the girlfriend of kuroo tetsurou, employee at japan volleyball association, was hard at times. a lot of nights and weekends were spent alone, as your boyfriend had to stay overtime at the office on many nights, and, occasionally, even come in on saturdays and sundays.

that didn’t make you love him any less, but it did make for some hard times. for example, right now. it was already 11p.m. and your boyfriend was still nowhere to be seen, while you struggled with a fever the whole day.

having enough of not being able to do anything yourself, you staggered into the kitchen, determined to make some tea. as the kettle heated up, you leaned against the kitchen island, too focused on trying to stand upright to hear the front door opening.

kuroo was tired, but when he heard the kettle boil, indicating that you were still awake, it was like all the pressure from work suddenly lifted off of him. but when he entered the kitchen, excited to finally come home to you, he was only faced with worry at the sight of you, looking like you’re ready to collapse at any moment.

the black-haired man didn’t hesitate to pick you up bridal style, almost giving you a heart attack in the process. “tetsu’! oh my god, you scared me!”, you croakily exclaimed, voice rough from your throat aching.

“m’ sorry baby. you should’ve told me you were sick, ‘would’ve come home earlier”, he scolded, already knowing you didn’t want to bother him at work, no matter how bad you were feeling.

kuroo carried you into the bedroom, placing you on the bed before loosening his tie and putting a large hand on your forehead, checking your temperature.

“i didn’t want you to worry”, you whispered, your fever-consumed brain zeroing in on tetsurou’s exposed collarbones and dress shirt-clad arms. “well, mission failed, because now i definitely am”, he murmured, already leaving the room to continue making the tea you started.

grabbing his hand at the last second, you looked up at him, gaze glazed over with exhaustion. “can we just cuddle, tetsu’? i just want to cockwarm you. ‘wanna feel you after such a long day.”

how could he ever deny you asking so nicely? kissing your forehead, the tall man sighed. 

“anything you want, kitten.”

tendou satori:

tendou knew something was wrong as soon as he woke up. you were restless beside him, sweating and groaning in your sleep, as if a nightmare were haunting you. as he reached out to wake you up, he immediately felt how hot your body temperature was.

with determination to take care of you, the red-haired male fetched some medicine, before finally waking you up. “y/n, sweetie. you’re running a fever, wake up.”

groaning, you turned away from him, not wanting to face the headache that was currently pounding in your head. you could feel your boyfriends’ fingertips gently caressing your arm, as he leaned in and murmured: “if you take your medicine, i’ll let you sit on my lap and sleep all day, sweetheart”, knowing exactly how to get you to take the medication.

you can’t remember when it became a thing in your relationship, but whenever you felt sick, stressed, or just had a bad day, you’d always sit on your boyfriends’ lap, stuffed full of his cock, while you peacefully napped.

groggily opening one eye to look at him, he knew he had you when you slowly sat up and reached out for the medicine he was holding. when the tall man was sure you swallowed, he sat down, leaning against the headboard, and pulled you onto his lap.

it was almost therapeutic for you, as you slowly sunk down on his cock, both of you sighing contently, before burying your face in his neck, ready to lose yourself to sleep once again.

with tendou’s cock inside you, and his large hand stroking your hair, you slowly drifted off.

oikawa tooru:

“tooru, relax. it’s just a cold”, you tried to calm down your boyfriend, currently pacing inside your shared bedroom like a mad man.

“how can i relax when you’re sick! what am i supposed to do? oh my god, what if it gets worse?”

as much as you loved oikawa tooru with all your heart, his flare for the dramatic really didn’t help you in your sick state. this was the first time you caught a nasty virus since moving in with him and it clearly showed that he was the younger sibling in his family, never having to take care of someone, but always being cared for.

you sighed, massaging your temples: “oikawa tooru, you’re going to give me a headache. i just need some tea and sleep. i’m not going to die.”

“are you sure?”, he looked at you, worried. “it sounds like you want me to”, you deadpanned, making your boyfriends dramatic ass crack a smile.

“no, i definitely don’t, y/n. don’t worry. mission ‘tea for my sick girlfriend’: in action.” and with that, he disappeared into the kitchen, finally giving you space to take a deep breath. it’s not as if he annoyed you by any means, you knew he was just worried about you.

when the brunet reappeared with a steaming cup of tea, you had an idea as to how to calm him down.

“babe, lay down.” oikawa gave you a quick, puzzled look, before doing as he was told, not quite understanding where you were going with this. as you turned your backside to him and fondled for his cock, he quickly stopped you. “wait! wait, what are you doing?”

“if you want to help me, just slip inside and let me sleep.”

the setter looked at you, as if you grew two heads, only getting out a ‘huh?’ at your statement. rolling your eyes, you guided him inside you and cuddled up with your back against his chest, explaining: “it just makes me feel safe. i know you’re not leaving me to suffer alone.”

oikawa didn’t know that he could feel this soft while he had his dick inside someone, but there’s a first for everything.

bokuto koutaro:

“’taro, i know you mean it in the best way possible, but you know i won’t be able to eat that.”

bokuto koutaro was a great husband. you could even say the best, but that might be your bias talking. unfortunately, he couldn’t cook if his life depended on it, and as much as you appreciated his efforts of wanting to take care of you while you felt under the weather, your will to live a little longer was stronger.

pouting, the spiker looked at you with puppy dog eyes. “but baby, i want to make you feel better! how am i supposed to do that, when you don’t even let me cook for you”, your oversized husband whined.

“koutaro. baby. light of my life. the last time you wanted to surprise me by making dinner, you nearly burned down the whole house. how am i supposed to relax and get better, when i’m going to be worrying about you burning yourself to death?”, you asked gently, knowing how upset he can get when he feels useless.

already seeing bokuto’s face drop more and more with every word, you immediately followed with: “but i know how you can make me feel better without any dangerous kitchen activities involved.”

at that, he perked up. “really?”

slowly parting your legs, you looked at him expectingly. without having to say another word, the tall spiker was already between your legs, taking of your panties and licking a stripe up your slit.

when he heard your content sigh and felt you relax, he knew this was the best thing he could do for you.

[wiretchings]

memory log #60

sunday, january 12th, 2025 -- 9:59 a.m. 

well, it’s been nearly a week since i’ve updated this blog on what’s been going. after collapsing on tuesday, i got sick. everything got on top of me, so i guess my body tried to stop me by shutting down completely. i was bedridden for two days with a fever, my limbs were aching, and i had a piercing headache. i’ve been better for a few days now, but my wings are still a little sore from laying on them for two days straight. 

i’ve been spending time with my roommates and sherry, and felix of course. he’s been sleeping in my bed with me, curled up against my side and purring all the while. i woke up to felix licking my bruised jaw this morning. it felt like someone was peppering kisses on my face and i caught myself whispering elliot’s name when i woke up. i haven’t gone looking for him or any leads on where he might be since earlier this week. 

i do have one update, though. 

i got a call from the woman working at the almost-abandoned post office, her name is candace, about a letter elliot dropped off early this morning. apparently he was already waiting outside when she pulled into the parking lot for her shift. candace asked him how he knew they were open on sundays, he said he didn’t. she said he was shivering and declined when she offered him a warm cup of coffee. elliot just handed her the letter and took off after thanking her for her kindness, so she called me right away because it felt urgent. 

i was already lacing my sneakers by the time the phone call was over. i snuck out quietly, luckily tye was still asleep and carson was at work already. candace was very surprised to see me so soon after the call. i accepted her offer for coffee, i hadn't had anything yet this morning. she left to the back after giving me the letter, i think she wanted to give me some space. very sweet of her. i’ll transcribe what elliot said here:

“angel,

i told you not to go to my apartment.... i’m so sorry you got caught in the crossfire. i have a friend on the outskirts of the group that attacked you, he told me you know now. the least i can do is explain what happened. 

you know that i come from money, and with that comes shitty decisions and getting involved with dangerous people. the problem is that once your family cuts you off, there’s no protection from those dangerous people anymore. on the night of christmas eve, i spotted one of the guys in the corner of my eye while we were dancing. he wasn’t supposed to be there and when i saw him pull out a knife, i wanted to get away from the crowd so that nobody got hurt. the blood on my leather jacket is the result of our not-so-little tussle outside the mansion in the middle of nowhere. he slashed my shoulder and his buddy had a gun, so i got grazed by a bullet on my thigh... but i’m okay! no infections, it’s all healing nicely. more sexy scars for me ;) 

anyway, i stabbed the guy with the gun to get away. it was dark and i was bleeding a lot, so i think i got him in the side. i guess he didn’t make it. i didn’t stick around to find out, i was trying to focus on getting somewhere safe before i passed out in the middle of the road. i should have assumed that guys like that can’t go to the hospital without getting themselves arrested. his name was paul, he was their leader. 

dean, i’m gonna be honest with you, i don’t know what to do. usually, i figure out a way to get myself out of this shit, but they don’t want money or drugs or property this time. they want my life. i might have to leave the state, actually. they’re probably tailing you now, though, just in case. so... i can’t give you any details. i’m sorry. giving candace this letter was risky enough, but you deserve to know.

the thought of you keeps me warm at night. i appreciate you trying to find me but i’d appreciate it more if you just lived your life for now :) like i said, i’ll find you when the time is right <3 

yours, eli”

[whatifxwereyou]

The Oncoming Storm Part 18: Nemuri Hime

Liu Kang x Reader and Kung Lao x Reader (gonna do both, two paths!)

Kung Lao gets serious. But forgets to tell you all the important things. Boy, he's good at talking. Lol. Hope you guys are still loving the Lao time! Liu will be back soonish. Planned out his whole part last night and then the future. Question! Are you guys READY for the choice or do you want it drawn out more? Also, for the future of this tumblr, is anyone interested in oc x reader stuff? I have so many ideas that I have never shared Lol. Anyway, thanks for reading. Much love. Update Sunday!

Part 17 Part 19 Chapter Index

“They’re going to have someone in there keeping an eye out now.” Kung Lao kicked a loose stone on the walkway, arms folded over his chest. “So much for that idea.”

“For now. We weren’t getting anywhere anyway.” You were still in wonder that any of that had happened. It felt like a fever dream. Your whole life kind of felt like a fever dream now. “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it isn’t in there. I tried to trust the vision and my gut, but it led us in circles. Nothing looked the same as it did back then.”

“Why would it lead you there otherwise? Maybe this shrine has changed more over the years than we thought.”

“You think so?” You furrowed your brow. He had pushed you like you’d been doing something wrong for a small moment inside the shrine but there he was, preaching his belief in you. It’d been easy to escape the frustration of not knowing where you were going with all that had happened in the shrine, but it was back in full force now. You were grateful to Kung Lao for not making it weird, but it was also a little weird to act like it hadn’t happened. You had a feeling that he knew exactly what he was doing.

“I trust your gut, Y/N.” He shrugged as if it were nothing. That was nice. You weren’t sure anyone trusted you those days so to hear it put so plainly as if it were no big deal was wonderful. “Let’s take a walk and rethink our strategy.” Together you walked around the shrine and along the path slowly, making your way toward the volcanic cauldrons.

Some were surrounded by posts and signs, expressing what they represented and why the water was the way that it was, but you didn’t stop to try and read any of them. Many of the cauldrons had small statues lined up surrounding their edge, placed there for prayer. You didn’t speak much. It seemed that rethinking your strategy was mostly just thinking. You were okay with that. Your head was still buzzing.

It was important to try and clear the fog from your mind. Between the disorientation of this place being so different from the vision in your head and then everything with Kung Lao, you were dizzy. You stopped before one of the cauldrons and Kung Lao read the sign above it.

“One of the hells of Mount Osore…” He was not good at silence, it turned out. He hadn’t been when you were younger either. You’d asked him once back then and he’d said silence was too loud. The dizziness became a buzzing, and the buzzing became darkness. You thought that you’d drifted to sleep to the hum of Kung Lao’s voice.

When you opened your eyes again, you gasped for breath. Your lungs were on fire, as though you had been deprived of oxygen for too long, as if invisible hands had reached into your chest and grasped your lungs to force all the air out. You lost your footing and stumbled forward but before you fell, Kung Lao had his arms around your middle and was pulling you back to him with a forceful yank. You lost your balance and collapsed into him, grasping his arms in surprise with a yelp. He held you upright.

“What the hell, Y/N? You can’t just do that!” He scolded. You gasped to refill your sore lungs and the ache began to fade. You weren’t where you’d been when you’d been listening to Kung Lao but you recognized the place immediately. It was the lake of blood from your vision. You turned in his arms to apologize but the words didn’t come. How did that happen? How had it happened? His expression went from frustration to concern quickly. You wanted to ask what happened, you wanted to ask him how you’d gotten there, but in your mind’s eye, you could see your body falling into that pool and the horned creature staring over you as you drowned beneath the red water.

You shuddered and covered your mouth. Maybe Raiden was right. It hadn’t felt like there was a shadow hanging over you until then when your body had moved beyond your control.

“Y/N, did you hear me?”

“What happened? What are you talking about? What did I do?” The words came out extremely fast, all at once almost. Bless Kung Lao for understanding a word of it.

“I was reading about that cauldron over there.” He gestured down the path. It seemed so distant now but that was the last thing you remembered. “And you walked away. I followed you and you stepped up and just went to jump right in. Right into the blood lake. Didn’t respond to me when I called you.” He tried to joke but there was an underlying concern that neither one of you could shake. “If you wanted to take a dip, Y/N, then you just had to say so. There’s those bathhouses.”

“No, no Kung Lao. I… I’m confused, that’s all. I don’t remember coming here. I closed my eyes to listen to you talk.” His low and deep voice was soothing, but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that right now. “Then I felt like I was falling, and I couldn’t breathe. Then you and… here we are.” You gestured to his arms that still held you and you felt his fingers sink a bit further into the clothing at your waist as if that would protect you somehow.

“You really don’t remember walking up to the creepy blood lake and almost throwing yourself in?” His face was flooded with concern. You shook your head no. “Okay.”

“You believe me?”

“Of course I do, Y/N. You’re white as a ghost. Why would you lie about something like that? Also, you’re terrible at lying.”

“Thank you?” You couldn’t decide if that was a dig or not.

“Okay.” He exhaled and you watched his face contort as his tongue ran over his teeth. “In that case no more wandering away from me. You stay with me at all times. Got it? We tell Raiden as soon as we can.”

“Okay except that I don’t remember wandering away from you, Kung Lao. You were reading and then…”

“What do you think caused this?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t. Honestly, afterward I saw this part in my vision. I’d been choking on ink but in my head, I was drowning.” You pointed toward the red volcanic cauldron. “In there. And I could see that creature. He was watching me. I… I thought it was just my brain interpreting the ink in my throat but… what if… Raiden’s right?”

“You doubted that Raiden was right?”

“This has been a lot, Kung Lao. Accepting it all at face value is difficult.” You responded somewhat defensively.

Kung Lao finally let you go and turned away. He pulled off his hat, pushed back his hair, and then cursed. That would have been funny had you not still been coping with almost drowning because your body had decided to try to kill you. “Okay. We’ll deal with that as we go. I’m changing the subject now because I’m not sure how to process what you just did without talking to Raiden.”

“Smart. Avoiding the problem. Like it.” You were happy to go back to thinking about literally anything else. Up until now you’d handled all this nonsense with relative poise. You’d like to keep it that way.

“Let’s discuss strategy. What do you remember from your vision about the room where this artifact is supposed to be?”

“There was a well. The creature placed something inside of it and I heard this horrible ringing in my head. It was… sad?” It was difficult to describe a ringing as having emotion, but it had been sad. You’d had the distinct feeling that it was sad.

“Back up. What about the well? There was no well in that room. In fact, the whole shrine is elevated. There was a step down in the back for dining, maybe? Could the well have been in that area?”

“I think the floor of the shrine used to be level with the ground. Maybe they built over it? I read that it was abandoned here for some time.”

“That’s a very distinct possibility. Great. Now we get to desecrate a holy place. Loving this more by the second.”

“Or we can hope there’s a hatch above the old well or a way to get beneath the shrine without destroying it.”

“There are way too many people here for us to search that thoroughly without being caught.”

“You’re right. We need privacy.”

“And I’m all out of excuses, honestly.”

“The excuse you came up with earlier only really works the one time before it becomes incredibly suspicious.” You felt your face flush despite yourself. Kung Lao stood just behind you and bent over to be closer. You could feel the smirk on his face.

“You kissed me back so… didn’t feel like much of a lie.” He made a kissy sound near your ear and you tilted away and swatted at him.

“Stay focused, Kung Lao! So, we spend the rest of the day and then pretend to leave ahead of everyone. Then we can sneak in after the monks are at rest, right? Hopefully, we find an easy way to get to where we need to go.”

“That’s as good a plan as any.” Kung Lao began to lead you away from the volcanic cauldrons and you were grateful. The air was thicker there and, quite honestly, the more distance between you and the blood lake the better. “And if we’re caught tearing up the floor of the shrine in the middle of the night, then I’m pretty sure that no amount of making out will get us out of it without getting into trouble.”

“If we’re caught then we could try to be honest about it like I wanted to be in the first place.” You stuck your tongue out at him. “You could try it every so often. It works.”

“Wow.” Kung Lao sounded truly insulted but also laughed as if surprised you had the audacity. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Let’s just talk like adults for a few seconds. I’m not that little girl that you teased all the time. You don’t have to come up with crazy fake-date schemes. Hell, I’m surprised that you didn’t say we could only afford one room at this point.”

“Oh.” He straightened his posture and furrowed his brow. You nodded as if to confirm that he was far more obvious than he thought he was. “Does it really bother you?”

“Bother is a strong word, Kung Lao. Sometimes you’re just… all over the place. You go from pushing me too hard to not listening to me to having unwavering faith in me. Sometimes in a span of like ten minutes. I don’t mind the teasing, honestly, but it’s difficult to focus when I can’t tell what’s going on with you.”

“Okay.” He puffed up his cheeks as he thought and then exhaled deeply. “So, I don’t quite know how to act around you.” You were genuinely surprised that he was speaking so candidly. You’d expected him to laugh it off and move on. He didn’t.

“Why? I only expect you to be yourself.”

“I know. That’s not on you. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“You don’t always act like there’s a whole lot going on in there.”

“Wow.” He winced.

“Sorry, it was easy. I get it though. I have a lot on my mind too, but you are all over the place since you got back. You tease me like we’re kids, then you flirt with me like we’re very much not kids, then you push me when I tell you that I can’t be pushed anymore. It is a rollercoaster spending time with you.”

“I guess I didn’t realize I was so all over the place.” He laughed and you walked together again. The further you were from the cauldrons the better you felt. “It’s funny. I’m still a little shocked that you’re here with me. Little Y/N. My Y/N. Weirder than that is that you are the person I found peace in when I returned home to clear my mind. I never thought I’d see you again. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you.” He avoided your eyes, and you got the chills but refused to shake them off. Him speaking so fondly of you in such a serious tone was freaking you out. These were things that you probably should have talked about far sooner. Instead, it felt as though he’d gone into some weird unspoken competition with Liu Kang for your attention. It wasn’t a competition. You just wanted to talk to him. “Your hair threw me off, I think. You didn’t keep it white. Same face now that I know. Cheeks aren’t so chubby anymore, though.” He pinched your cheek playfully and you scrunched up your face and swatted his hand away.

“I… didn’t recognize you either and you came into my store at least a dozen times over the last couple years. And the dojo just as many. I remember you fondly. You were always very kind with the students. And you look way different, I mean I can still see it, but you had these… dimples as a kid.” You poked the sides of your mouth. “They were so deep then. You still have them but they’re much more subtle.” It was funny. Something about his honesty cleared the air at least for the time being. “Also, I thought you were dead. So, I never considered I’d see you again.”

“You would have been crazy to have guessed it was me.”

“Sometimes I think that I have gone completely crazy and I’m in a hospital somewhere. That this is all an elaborate fantasy that my mind has conjured up to help cope with my madness.”

“I could see that.”

“What? The wild improbability of the truth?”

“No. You being in a nuthouse somewhere.”

You laughed and shoved his shoulder. He nudged you in return. “Some things don’t change, I guess.”

“I defaulted to sarcasm with you. Being together reminds me of when life was simpler. It’s easy to joke and get carried away but I understand that there is also distance with time and age and that this is extremely complicated. And that we haven’t talked about it. Talking about this kind of stuff makes me feel… uncomfortable.”

“What? No. I couldn’t tell.” You walked peacefully along the stone path. Across the way the monks were giving a demonstration and others were setting up tables for a meal near the white beach.

“Can I confess something?” He led you off the stone and down onto the white sand that bordered the beautiful, but absolutely artificial looking, lake. He offered you his hand to help you down and you took it. He didn’t let go of it as you walked together. Fun new game again: fake date or Kung Lao being affectionate? Your brain hated this game. Your heart hated it even more.

“That depends. Is it appropriate to say? Will I smack you when you make this confession? Will you be getting smacked and are you ready to risk being smacked?”

“Maybe. It’s hard to gauge how grown-up Y/N will react to most things.”

“Go ahead, Kung Lao. I’ll try not to smack you but no promises.”

“I uh…” He hesitated and then let go of your hand in favor of grasping the air in front of him as if trying to reach for the words to say what was on his mind. “I hate that you have the dragon mark.” You stopped in your tracks and Kung Lao stopped with you. Of all the things you’d expected, it hadn’t been that.

“What?”

“Yeah. Little Y/N. The girl with the gift, mom called you. You had enough problems. Now you’re here. A warrior chosen to fight for earthrealm alongside me and a bunch of other misfits with the same mark. Lost your home. Your life.”

“I could see your logic, Kung Lao, but I’m tough.” Your heart was racing again. Was this serious conversation better or worse than the rollercoaster ride that was Kung Lao? You couldn’t decide.

“Yeah, Liu showed me the bruises you’d left on him. I was a little impressed. However, you, just moments ago I might add, unconsciously almost drowned yourself in a lake of blood. Went completely gray, weren’t breathing, just walked over and almost threw yourself in.”

“Yeah, that is concerning.” He was right. The dragon marking and your arcana had awoken things within you that were beyond anyone’s control, especially yours. You were scared. You couldn’t imagine how it had to have felt to be watching it happen to someone you cared about. “You know, Lao, it’s probably not actually blood. I’d guess it’s algae making the water red…” You tried to joke but it was a feeble attempt. Kung Lao didn’t even smile.

“That’s not the point.”

You stepped in front of him and offered him a tired and forced smile. “I don’t regret where I’ve wound up, Kung Lao.” It was your turn to speak honestly. To say things that you’d meant to say and had been afraid to say for a long time. You’d kept waiting for the ‘right time’ but the time would never be right. “I’m terrified.” You searched around them just to make sure no one was close enough to overhear. “I killed people, Kung Lao. I never thought I’d be capable of such a thing. My dojo? My shop? They’re gone. I probably won’t see my family ever again or any of the people I associated with home. That life is gone. It scares me. Everything I knew is… being unlearned and relearned. At the same time? I feel like this is where I’m meant to be.”

“Yeah. You didn’t really get to process much of that, did you? Just went straight to studying and training with Liu Kang.” Kung Lao sounded almost bitter. You hadn’t thought about it that way. Liu Kang had been a beacon of comfort to you but was that healthy? Maybe some of what had escalated your whatever-it-was you were had something to do with your sudden lack of control. You were attracted to him, sure, in a crazy way even, but you were also vulnerable. Maybe the attachment between you had gone from big to huge because of it. You felt guilty. Liu. Oh, no. You’d kissed Kung Lao. Not just kissed him but kissed him. Things were instantly that much more complicated and messy. You had to talk to Liu. You had to sort out your thoughts. You had to do the same with Kung Lao. But you didn’t know how and just kept kissing them. It wasn’t like you’d ever been good at romance.

“It’s been difficult. But also surreal. Easy to forget some of it.”

“I get it. Really, I do. Because I’m not done confessing things yet.” He still sounded uncomfortable but urged his hand to your back and continued your walk. “I’m also super grateful that you have the dragon mark.”

“Well, that’s conflicting as hell. I’m having a hard time processing that.”

“I never would have gotten to know who you were or get to know you again at all without the mark. It’s brought me closure, in a way. I never thought I’d see you again.” You walked in silence and you felt your eyes burn just enough with tears that you thought talking was a mistake. You breathed through the sudden urge to cry until it faded.

“I’d like to state for the record, that you being this serious is freaking me out a little.”

“It’s been known to happen now and again.” He bowed his head politely to you after tucking his hat beneath his arm. “I’m sorry that I’ve been weird since I got back.”

“It’s okay, Kung Lao. This has been difficult.”

“Y/N?” He started, as though he had something important to say. He hesitated then exhaled and replaced his hat back on his head, tucking the strap under his chin. “Let’s keep walking.” He turned away and did just that as though he’d said nothing at all. There was clearly something on his mind that must have been difficult to share. You caught up to him.

“What aren’t you saying?”

He turned to you and searched your face with a glint of worry that faded so fast you weren’t sure if you’d imagined it or not. Then he smiled.

“I’m starving. That’s what I’m not saying. The sun is going to set anytime now and they’re setting up food so we should grab some.” He started back across the sand. You grasped his hand and pulled him back. That was not what he’d struggled to say.

“Lao, really. You can talk to me.”

“I know, Y/N.” He smiled so you let go of his hand. Whatever it was, he wasn’t ready to talk about it and who were you to say he should be? “Let’s get some food. You’re still gray so I’d like to see you eat.” If nothing else, he at least seemed less all over the place. What were you going to do? You didn’t know so you couldn’t think about it right now. You’d take everything one step at a time. It was all you could do.

[calmsweetcreature]

Steal My Hood(ie) C.H

A/N: Hey guys! Here’s another fic - I’ve stuck to my lane (Calum) for now but I have a Mikey piece coming soon! Let me know what you think! 

Word Count: 3.4K

Warnings: SMUT (and Fluff)

“Y/N have you seen my green hoodie?” Calum’s voice rings out through the apartment and you groan, putting a pillow over your banging head. It had been a late saturday night out with your girlfriends and you were determined you would spend the whole sunday in bed. Your roommate however had other plans.

“Y/N mate I need it, have you borrowed it?” His head pops through your door and you send him the biggest death glare you could muster.“It’s in the kitchen. Now kindly fuck off.” Your voice is a husky growl and you pull the duvet over your head. You hear a low chuckle from across the room. “Cheers doll.” 

You hear his footsteps grow quieter as he walks towards the kitchen. You groan loudly, knowing that you’re too awake to go back to sleep and throw the duvet off yourself and stand up with a slight wobble. You stretch out your aching muscles, dressed in only your underwear from the night before. You grab one of Calum’s other hoodies and slip it over your head, the soft material resting at the top of your thighs. 

You made a habit of stealing Cal’ clothes because let’s face it, he smelt good and the tall boy’s clothes always drowned you. There wasn’t anything between you both exactly, a flirty banter here or there and yeah you occasionally wrestled for the remote but nothing further. 

You walked into the kitchen rubbing your eyes before focusing on the figures sat at the kitchen island. You gasp, your hands tugging the hoodie lower as you realise that it is not just Calum but also Ashton.

“Late night chickadee?” Ashton’s voice is full of laughter as he swigs from a bottled beer. You blush, walking over the coffee machine in the corner of the room and preparing the biggest coffee you could make. 

“You could say that, didn’t get in till gone four,” As if to prove your point you yawn loudly.“Well it’s two in the afternoon now, we’re going to have a few beers and kick back a bit if you want to join?” You could tell the boys were teasing but that sounded like fun and hey - it was still the weekend right?

“Sounds good to me, I’ll need to eat before I drink again though,” You turn to the boys and sip your coffee, smirking as you see Ashton eyeing up your bare legs. You watch as Cal’s eyes flicker from Ashton’s face to where he is staring before he slaps Ashton lightly over the head who just grins at his pal.

“Jeez you on a mission littlun? Didn’t think you’d touch a drop after I heard you empty your guts last night?” You glare at Calum playfully before practically gulping down your coffee.

“What the gentleman to my right is saying is that we’ve ordered in, we’ve got you covered.” Ashton grins, walking to the fridge and grabbing another beer and passing you two for you and Calum. You climb into the stool next to Cal and lift your legs, placing them over his lap and passing his beer. He takes a swig, his free hand resting on your leg lightly. 

“Didn’t decide to bring anyone back then?” Ashton’s eyes flicker from your face to Calum’s and you frown in confusion as you watch Calum glare at Ashton who laughs loudly.

“No, there was someone who seemed promising but he got a little handsy so I kneed him in the dick instead. Think that might have ruined my chances,” The boys crack up, Calum’s hand slowly trailing up and down your leg as he whispers “That’s my girl,” grinning at you. 

The three of you chat away the hours until the sky outside is dark and you’ve been through two orders of food.

“Is it cool if I crash in the spare? My house is so far.” Ashton’s words are slurred and the way he whines the last few words makes you burst into a fit of giggles.

“Yeah man that’s cool. Yeah that’s cool.” Calum furrows his brows, “Did I just say that twice?” he gets pulled out of his thoughts as you bang on the counter, tears streaming down your face as you crack up laughing. “Fuck you Y/N,” 

Although as he says this he can’t help the laughter falling from his mouth too. Ashton stands up from the table, stumbling down the hallway mumbling about his future drum kit brand ‘Bashton Drums’.

“That kid, I swear to god.” Calum laughs.

“That kid is all man,” You smirk and Cal, his eyes getting angrier as he stares you down. 

“I’m manlier than him though right?” he asks, pointing to his chest which he puffs out slightly.

“Eh,” You giggle, shrugging until you feel two hands grabbing your hips until you're straddling his thighs on the stool and his fingers are digging into your sides tickling you.“Calum, s-stop it! Stop it you dick!” you’re words are a spluttery mess and he keeps going until you shout the words “Fine you’re fucking manly ok!” and he stops dead, the both of you in fits of giggles.

Yours and Calum’s laughter dies down until you’re both grinning at each other. His eyes fall to your lips and you feel your breath catch in your throat as you watch his eyes move up and down your face. 

Before things can get more intense you climb off Calum’s lap, giggling over to the cupboards. “I need some food,” You open one door and draw out a sigh as you stare at the contents. 

You spy doritos on the top shelf and gasp, “Fuck yeah!” You stand on your tip toes, reaching for the chips. They are just out of your reach and you start to grumble about the ‘tall ass giant’ fitting the ‘tall ass cupboards’ into your apartment. You hear a low chuckle behind you and growl softly.

“Yeah laugh it up you fucking prick, just cus you don’t need a ladder to reach the food here, whereas I-” Your words are cut off when you feel a long body pressed up against your back and an arm against yours as the much taller man grabs what you were reaching for. He places them in front of you, both of his arms resting on either side of yours on the counter. 

You lower yourself until you’re flat on your feet, the slight movement making you rub against Calum gently and you hear him choke out a breath. His hands move to cover your own and he grips your hands, his fingers slotting in between yours. You both stand in silence, just enjoying being pressed up against each other.You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol or just how needy you are but you push your butt back into him and he groans softly, his forehead resting on your shoulder as he pushes forward to meet your backside. 

“Y/N what are you doing to me?” His words are low and hoarse and you can hear the pain in his rhetorical words.You still your movements, a blush rising to your cheeks. “Sorry, I’ll stop.” His hands leave yours and move to your hips, spinning you around. You feel yourself being lifted and Calum’s body shifts so he is standing in the gap between your legs.

“Y/N I don’t want you to stop, but you need to say right now if you don’t want this because once I start I don’t think I’ll be able to stop until you are panting underneath me..” His words set something alight in you and you can feel your body heat up with his words.He knew this could be the only chance he could get with you, that tomorrow you might wake up and never mention it again but it was worth the risk because he really wanted to make you feel good - even if only for tonight.

“Calum. Kiss me.” Your eyes were staring straight at his pink plump lips and you internally groaned as he wets them with his tongue. Your words were steady and you could feel the buzz from the beer disappearing, being replaced with the buzz of your arousal. “Are you sure, doll?” His words were a husky whisper and you growl in annoyance, your hand going to the back of his head and slamming your lips against his. 

Your arms wrap around his neck as his hands hold you still by your hips with a grip tight enough that you know you could wake up with a faint bruise tomorrow. His mouth battles against yours for dominance until he lifts you, wrapping your legs around his waist. You gasp against his mouth and his tongue moves against yours as he starts walking towards the bedrooms.

 “Yours or mine sweetness?” His forehead presses against yours as you both pant softly as he pushes you against the wall of the corridor, his hips pushing into yours.“Yours is furthest from the spare, I don’t want Ash waking up.” You murmur, your lips swollen and your eyes glazed over as you stare into Calum’s twinkling eyes.

“Doll the way things are going, they’ll be able to hear us in the next building over never mind a few rooms down.” His smile is smug and you laugh at the cockiness in his voice.

“Prove it,” Your words are a fevered whisper, the challenge clear in your eyes. Calum growls softly, his lips finding your neck as he lifts you again, walking towards his bedroom and kicking the door open with his foot. 

The feel of his teeth grazing the sensitive skin of your neck makes you whimper before his tongue swipes painfully slow back over it and your hips buck up to meet his. You both groan at the contact, Calum dropping your legs softly down to the ground and spinning you until your back is against his front as you slowly walk further into your room. 

One of his hands grazes up your thigh and under the edge of his hoodie while the other grips your hair and tilts your head so his lips hover over your ear.“You don’t know what it does to me to see you walk around in my hoodies. Especially when you’ve got nothing underneath but those fucking lacy panties you always wear. It gets me so fucking hard knowing that you go to bed smelling like me, that when people come over you’re wearing something of mine - like you’re mine. Have you ever touched yourself wearing one doll?” 

You bite your lip and whine softly, his grip in your hair meaning that he can feel you nod your head in response. “Good girl for being honest. Some nights I can hear you edging yourself and I’m right there with you doll, wishing I could be the one to make your thighs shake.” His fingers slide through the material of your soaked panties and lazily circles your clit with the coarse pad of his middle finger. 

“C-cal… I always think of you, only you.” He chuckles against the skin of your neck and you gasp out your breaths as tingles shoot through your body. His hand leaves you and he brings both hands up your body, dragging the thick jumper up and off of your body before turning you to face him.

“Jeez Y/N you’re so fucking beautiful.” You bring your hands up to cover parts of your body but his hands encapture your own as he pulls them away leaving you uncovered, if only for your underwear. “Don’t do that shit with me, you know I’m being fucking real with you so don’t hide from me, please.” You reach your fingers under the hem of his t-shirt, skimming along his chest. 

He pulls of the t-shirt, throwing it behind him before bending slightly to hook his hands on the back of your knees, pulling until you feel yourself falling back onto the plush bed. You both crawl up to the top of the bed with Calum hovering over you. 

“I want to make you cum before I fuck you sweetheart, I don’t think I’ll last long and I want to make you feel good.” He rests on one arm, his free hand stroking the side of your face and his thumb swiping across your bottom lip. You use your tongue and pull his thumb into your mouth, sucking softly. Calum groans softly and watches you with dark eyes. 

“Cal I just want you in me, please.” Your words are muffled and Calum pulls his thumb from your mouth, swiping his thumb down your neck and chest, watching the wet trail grow down your body.

The only light in the room was an LED lamp in the corner, the room glowing in changing light of red, purple, blue, pink and green which made the outline of your bodies moving together seem almost ethereal. “Please,” Your voice was a whisper and your eyes were pleading but Calum ignores this, dipping his head lower to take a nipple into his mouth, sucking softly.

 As you let out whimpers of need he sucks harder and the delicious mix of pleasure and pain makes you throw your head back onto the pillows.His lips trail down your body and you gasp as he stops to nip, lick or bite parts of your skin, leaving little marks wherever he chooses. 

He pulls down your underwear, groaning at the sight of how wet you are. “I’ll give you what you want sweetheart but I just need a little taste.” His mouth goes down and connects with your dripping heat, his tongue swiping up and tracing your clit, your thighs clamping around his head to lessen the sensation but his hands go to your knees and push them up to your chest, exposing you as much as possible. He devours you and it’s only a matter of seconds before you feel yourself reaching your high.“C-cal, I’m going to…”

He moves back slightly, a hand coming down on your core in a harsh little tap and you come undone, his hot mouth covering you as you ride out your high. Your back arches off the bed as you grip the sheets, your thighs shaking as you come back down to earth. Calum releases your legs and you rest your feet against the bed, catching your breath as he traces kisses up your body.

 You open your eyes lazily and smile up at the man above you, reaching a hand down to his shorts. He stops you, shaking his head with a lazy grin on his face. “I’d give anything for you to touch me doll but I need to be inside you. If you still want me tomorrow you can owe me one.” 

You frown at his words, you hadn’t even considered what would happen but in your heart you knew that you couldn’t go back to before. You wanted him, and not just in his bed. You place your hand on his cheek and he nestles his face against you.“I think I’m going to want you for always Cal.” 

His eyes sparkle at your words and he kisses your palm.“I know I want you for always Y/N, and I’ll remind you of that in the morning too.” He leans down and kisses your lips softly. You both move against each other gently but as the kiss progresses your movements become rougher and heavier.

You use your hands to push at his shorts as Calum takes a hold of his dick, rubbing it against your wetness as you both moan.“Tell me you’re sure princess. Tell me you want this.” 

His eyes stare into yours and you feel a surge of love go through your heart. This man who had cared for you, laughed with you and loved you for so long had wormed his way directly into your soul.“I need it, please Cal.” 

He slides into you slowly, inch by inch and you can feel that he’s holding his breath, his eyes clenched shut.“Fuck. Y/N you feel so fucking good.” He bottoms out and you both grunt at the sensations rippling through you.“Fuck me Cal.”

Those three little words were all it takes and he lets go of any hesitation, moving back to thrust as hard as he can, the both of you shouting out curse words as he fucks you into the mattress.He rests his forehead against yours and gives you everything his body is capable of and you stare into each others eyes, the look shared between you just as intense as the feelings happening in your body.“Think you can cum again baby? Need to feel you cum again.” 

His words are panted out, his warm breath hitting your face. You run your nails up his back and lift your hips, making him hit a new angle and you sob out a breath.“I’m gonna-” You cry out as your second orgasm hits you, your nails no doubt drawing blood as your body lifts up, the sound of skin hitting skin filling the bedroom.“Oh shit, Y/N.” 

Calum’s words come out in a strangled moan as his hip movements get sloppy, his hips hitting yours as he releases. You both slow your movements down but don’t become still, riding out your highs and panting heavily together. Your chests are slick with sweat as you both flop onto the bed. 

You both lay there for a moment, catching your breath.“I meant it you know.” He whispers, his hand clasping your cheek.“Meant what?” You reply, trailing your own hand up and down his chest.

“I’m always going to want you. And not just for sex either.” He leans towards you, a shy look in his face. A giggle bursts out of you and you gasp at the hurt look in Calum’s eyes. You lean up and kiss him in a quick peck.“Cal, I’ve had a crush on you since I moved in… How have you not noticed?” 

You peck him again and his hand moves to the back of your head, keeping you there.“Oh fuck Y/N I’ve been so fucking stupid. All I want is for you to be mine.” 

His words are mumbled against your lips and you sigh happily. You rest your head on his chest as he pulls the sheets over your naked bodies and he twirls your hair between his fingers.“Ask me in the morning baby.” You murmur, feeling sleep pulling you in.

***

You stand at the kitchen counter, coffee in your hand. You’re dressed only in a pair of Calum’s boxers and his green hoodie. Your body is deliciously sore and you smile at the thought of the sleeping boy left in the room down the hall. 

You stare out of the window at the view, feeling the most content you had in the longest time. You feel a body press up against your back and jump, coffee spilling over the kitchen surface.“Jesus Calum, warn a girl!”

He chuckles as he presses a kiss to the side of your head, his arms wrapping around your waist.

“Be mine.” He murmurs.

“Not wasting any time are you champ?” You reply, place your coffee down and twisting in his arms until you were facing him.

“I’ve wasted too much time already, I’m not waiting any more. Be mine?” He kisses your forehead this time.

“Now see, I’ll have to think about that,” You tease, his fingers digging into your sides and tickling you.

“Okay! Okay! I give, yes!” You laugh, pulling him in for a kiss.

“I had the weirdest fucking dream last night you guys,” Ashton’s voice is carried down through the hall and he gasps as he walks into the sight of the pair of you. 

“I dreamt that you two had sex. Wait. Did you have sex? Did I hear you having sex in my fucking sleep?”You laugh, nestling your face into Calum’s chest as you blush. 

You feel his chest vibrate with laughter and you look up to see Ashton glaring at the two of you playfully before he grins big and wraps his arms around the pair of you.

“It’s about fucking time! Wait, ew you both smell like sex. You can buy me breakfast to make up for invading my sleepy time.” He slaps Calum on the butt and walks away, leaving the two of you grinning at each other as the morning begins.

[wkemeup]

By Any Other Name (14)

series summary: When Special Agent Bucky Barnes is tasked with infiltrating the notorious gang Hydra and gathering evidence against its leader, Brock Rumlow, Bucky finds himself drawn to the woman who doesn’t seem to belong in this world of violence, the wife of the head of Hydra… you. pairing: bucky x reader chapter word count: 6k warnings: references/descriptions of smut, reference to previous dub/con, a set up for the series climax  🌹series masterlist 🌹

Restraint was never your strongest suit. 

Certainly not when it came to biting your tongue around your husband or feigning even a semblance of the loyalty he so desired from you. But this? Pressed up against the wall of your library, books falling from the shelves as James snapped his hips to yours, chasing highs and withering gasps, pushing you to an edge of sweet relief; this was something else entirely.

There was no holding back. No ability to control the need for him when he walked into the room, the desperate ache between your legs, the unsteady twitch in your hands until you could feel the hardened build of his muscle under your touch. It ran like heat in your veins, a flush in your cheeks, and it couldn’t be tamed unless his arms were around you, his lips on your neck.

In the safety of an empty home, he took you on the couches, in your bedroom, pressed flush against the kitchen counters, in the bath -- though that had caused quite a mess; laughing together as water splashed up and over the edges, pools of soapy bubbles on the tile flooring.

Lips on one another the very moment your husband left through the front door, the closing of its hinges a gate to your sanctuary.

You’ve seen James make love, knew what it was like to be touched with a gentle fever, to feel his adoration in every movement of his hips and the heat of his breath to your skin. You knew him when he was soft and tender, when he pressed sweet kisses along your collarbone and slowly rocked himself inside of you. He encapsulated every rush of emotion inside of you, the words you couldn’t find as you neared the brink, watching as his eyes fluttered shut and he struggled to catch his breath; unequivocal power over one another, never abused, never threatened, but as ends of the same rope.

He was yours, and you were his.

But you’d come to learn, in the shadows of this home, that he was capable of much more.

Pushed into cramped closets, on the cold floor of your bathroom, in the locked dressing room of a department store, in the car parked at the very end of the driveway far away from the security cameras… James fucked.

Rushed and needy; rough and desperate, when your time together was limited and he was reminded that you weren’t his, not yet, not in the way either of you wanted.

He left marks; finger prints in your hips and bruising on your chest from his own lips. You left scratches on his back; some surface level, others leaving angry lines in their wake he’d come to wear like a badge of honor. Colorful evidence of the love you shared.

Though as James would pull back slowly, coming down from his high, he’d take one look at what he left behind on your body and a shame would sweep over his features, eyes darting away from you, until you pulled him back for more.

They were markings you could easy hide, you’d tell him, before you begged for more.

There was a terrifying moment in the warm afterglow of a Sunday downtown, when you’d forgotten the hand that was intertwined so casually into yours as you stepped up to the front door of your home, a feeling you’d become so accustomed to you hardly thought to pull away as you stepped inside, and Clara stood waiting by the kitchen to prepare your supper. You pulled away in an instant, heart stammering, words caught in your throat, and James froze. Though, you could have sworn you saw a curve pulling at the corner of her lips as she turned into the kitchen.

You were treading on paper thin ice over rushing rapids. Walking a tight rope over the open mouth of a volcano. Standing at the edge of the tallest building and looking down at the heavy traffic below.

It was dangerous to give in to each other the way you were. Risky. Reckless, even.

But restraint was never your strongest suit.

***

One week before the shipment and Brock was none the wiser. He kept to his business meetings with men in black suits in the living room with scotch in his hand, coming home in the early house of the morning with disheveled hair and his tie undone, dragging men down to the basement where they’d emerge hours later on the back of his cronies and covered in blood.

There were a few occasions he tried to sneak a hand along your hips when you passed by to the kitchen, and while it left James with copper on his tongue, he managed to hold himself back. It wasn’t anything you weren’t used to, but you imagined seeing your husband touch you so freely and knowing how much you despised it, left behind a bad taste in James mouth; especially now that he knew what it was like to touch you in the ways Brock carelessly stole in passing.

Those nights, when you’d sneak down from your room to find James waiting in the kitchen moments after Brock left for the evening, knuckles clenched over marble countertops and tension like stone in his shoulders, you’d remind him exactly who’s hands you wanted on your body, who’s lip on your skin, who you so clearly loved and adored and you’d give yourself to him over and over again until neither of you remembered what it felt to have anyone but each other.

Two weeks full of loving him in the shadows of this house, of crying out a name that wasn’t entirely his own, of laying with him on the couch in your library curled up against his chest, of a new, unbridled kind of happiness you hadn’t known in years.

Two weeks of digging through your husband’s drawers, in the cracks in the wall of his office, and gathering the evidence James hadn’t been able to acquire. You’d written down testimonies of the countless nights you'd seen the unconscious bodies of men he kept under his payroll being dragged, bloodied and beaten, from the steps of the basement, of the times you’d walked into the kitchen to find him meeting with prominent city officials and businessmen. You’d recorded firsthand accounts of every criminal misdeed you’d ever witnessed, including the days he jaywalked across 5th avenue.

You’d even brought James and his team dozens of files hidden in a loose floorboard in Brock’s bedroom; copies you’d made while he was downtown, ones James didn’t even know existed. You placed them on the table at the warehouse in front of the wide-eyed expressions of his friends and explained that these were the logs of everyone on his payroll, the accounts of who was where and when.

Sam had almost yelped out in excitement, covering his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. Natasha was grinning as she gathered several papers in her hands to begin taking notes. Even Steve had cracked a smile, a slight shake of his head as he bent down to pick up a roster with a notable name listed at the top: Alexander Pierce.

James sat back in his chair, a little stunned, though he was beaming. A hand brushed down over his mouth as he glanced up at you, hands on your hips and a proud kind of grin on your face that made him question why he hadn’t brought you in on this sooner.

It was the first time you’d felt a sense of purpose in years.

You’d come to spend most of your nights at the warehouse. Whenever Brock left for his business meetings, you’d find a way to sneak out to the abandoned factory to meet James and his team. You’d spend hours curled up on metal folding chairs, shivering under the breeze of the empty space until you finally gave into James’ constant requests to hang his sweatshirt over your shoulders. Your eyes would grow tired from reading and your hand aching from writing, until Steve would eventually send you home with a grateful nod.

It made for long, sleepless nights, but you supposed you wouldn’t find much sleep until all of this was over, anyway. There was no rest while you knew that in every moment James stood next to your husband, acting as the right-hand man of a monster wrapped in Armani suits, his life was in danger.

***

BANG!

BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG!

BANG!

Six piercingly sharp gunshots on your left snapped your attention back to the redhead in front of you. One right after the other. Echoing through the enclosed room and stammering a jolt in your chest, leaving you winded.  

Natasha eyed you, carefully pulling back the ear protectors and set her handgun on the table. The paper outline of a man’s silhouette sprung forward on the line until it swayed within reach. She’d hit the bullseye in every shot.

“I thought you were paying attention,” she teased, watching the way you glanced back through the window to James. He stood around the table with Steve and Sam, arguing about the stack of papers thrown about the room. He ran his fingers through his hair as he slumped into a chair, ruffling it messier than it was before he attempted to tame it. You smiled.

Turning back to Natasha, you found her raising an eyebrow at you. “Sorry, huh?”

“You wanted to learn how to shoot, didn’t you?” she smirked, reloading the magazine.

“James wants me to learn how to shoot,” you said, leaning against the counter beside her.

You watched as she disassembled the gun, quick, reflexive movements as the pieces flowed through her hand like clay, like she commanded them entirely. This was her world; the chaos and violence and deceit all part of a life she chose. She chose to live in the shadows and give over pieces of herself to a cause bigger than herself. Sam, Steve... James... they all did.

But Natasha, she was one you’d come to spend most of your time with in this warehouse. She was the one showing you basic self-defense skills and throwing you to the ground while James watched from the sidelines with an expression varying from amusement to defensive, depending on whether Nat was letting you have the upper hand.

She was small in frame, petite, with the kind of beauty where most men would easily overlook her intelligence. She was a fighter, a warrior even, and there was a part of you that envied that. You wondered if she would have stayed as complicit to Brock as long as you had or if she would have stood up to him, challenged his bluff and faced the consequences. She didn’t seem like a woman who would tolerate a cage.

You glanced back through the window, watching as Sam kicked back into his seat, piles of papers stacked on his lap as he set a mug of coffee on the top. It was a balancing act and Steve quickly swooped in and removed the coffee before a caramel ring could stain the documents. Sam grumbled, shooting him a look with a roll of his eyes while Steve made his way to James.

Sam was sweet, funny, and he had the kind of charm that could make you smile on even the worst day. He fought like brothers with James and they relentlessly teased each other, but he cared far more than he let on. In the moments that counted he was always there, that much you could tell simply by the way he watched James under cautious eyes when he wasn't looking.

Steve, the leader of this team, wasn’t as stone cold as he appeared to be. He smiled often, broke more rules than he followed, but he was disciplined. Anything less than success wasn’t an option, because the alternative was a member of his team – his family – being exposed in the field. You all knew what that meant and the consequences it brought.

You realized then, as you watched the three men gathered around the table, silently reading through the dozens of documents you brought them, that you seemed to know something more about these people you’d only known for a few weeks than you knew about James.

“Nat?”

She glanced up briefly before turning back to the assembly of the gun. “Yeah?”

“Is there... um... Is there a reason I’m allowed to know your name and not James’?” You bit on your lip, feeling nervous suddenly as the clicking of metal ceased in her hands. “You, Steve, Sam... Do you... Do you not trust me to know? Does he not--”

“Y/n,” Natasha urged quickly, cutting you off before you could spiral. She set a hand on your forearm before you realized it was shaking. “It’s not safe for either of you if you knew. Imagine if you let it slip accidentally, especially around Rumlow. It would expose his cover instantly and the fact that you’re working with us. We can’t let that happen. It’s been dangerous enough as it is with you knowing what’s going on.”

You nodded, exhaling a heavy breath as it weighed in your lungs.

“James trusts you,” she added, tilting her head just enough to caught your eye. She smiled at you; perfect pink lips curving up along her mouth like she was carved from stone. It wrinkled up by the green of her eyes, a laugh on her breath. “That man doesn’t let down his walls easily. He doesn’t trust people and he keeps everyone at a ten foot distance. It’s why he’s so good at this job. But, he trusts you. He did from the very beginning and he won’t do anything to compromise this case, Y/n. There’s too much riding on it now.”

Now.

Since he realized he loved you.

Since you fell for him, too.

There were a lot of reasons – good reasons – that Brock deserved to spend the rest of his life in jail, but you wondered whether James motivations to put your husband behind bars overlapped with his promise to free you from this life. They were one in the same. You'd never be able to be with him, not the way either of you wanted, if Brock was a free man; still forcing you to submission of his will, holding Peter for ransom, and caging you to that house.

“Everything okay in here?”

You turned to find James standing in the doorway, concerned eyes studying your sudden change in demeanor, the tension in your muscles and the slight tremor in your grip around the gun. Then, his eyes flickered to Natasha and you could tell by the way his features started to harden, lips curving to a frown that he was drawing conclusions he shouldn’t.

“I’m fine,” you said quickly, but it was too late for that.

“Nat, will you give us a second?” he asked and Natasha sent you a short, apologetic smile before she slipped past James and jogged the rest of the way to meet Steve and Sam at the table overlooking the files.

“I really am fine,” you tried again as he closed the door behind him.

“I think I know you better than that by now, love,” he said softly, a slight ache in his voice. There was a guilt there, a shame, and it didn’t sit right in his tone. It didn’t belong there.

“It just…” you sighed, “it scares me when I’m reminded of how dangerous this is for you. If Brock finds out…”

“He won’t.”

“But if he does,” you stressed, tears brimming in your eyes, “he’ll kill you. He wouldn’t think twice about it. He’ll kill you, James, and I... I won’t survive that.”

James took in a heavy breath and you watched how it filled his chest; broad shoulders moving with each inhale, a dip in his sternum with his exhale. He crossed the room to you, gently prying the gun from your grip and setting it on the table. He warmed your hands in his own, kissing at your knuckles, trying to simply pull the tension from the joints with the tenderness of his touch.

“He would,” James confirmed and it caused a hitch in your breath, “but he’s not going to find out. I’ve been doing undercover ops for years, Y/n. I’ve never been made. Not once. Besides, we’re only a week away. We just have to bide our time. We’ve gotten this far. I need you to trust me on this.”

“You know I do.”

“So, trust that we’ll get this done,” he said slowly, a sad kind of smile on his face as he tried to find your eyes again. “Trust that I’ll get you through this.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” you admitted weakly, staring down at the floor to the cracks in the concrete, the wingtips of his brown shoes under navy slacks.

“I know, sweetheart, but I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to finish this so I can come home to you.”

James enveloped you in his arms, tucking his chin over the crown of your head, pulling you in to nestle into the crook of his neck. He was warm and soft despite the hardened layer of muscle on his chest. In his arms you could imagine a world where you would love him out in the open, away from the shadows, hold his hand in the streets and kiss him on the sidewalk.

It was a fantasy, a world you could easily get lost in, and for the first time in years there was hope that it might actually come true.

“Alright,” you conceded, though the word felt heavy on your tongue.

James smiled softly, a lingering sadness behind his eyes, and he slowly stepped behind you.

“Nat get you shooting straight yet?” he teased, lightening the air as he ran his hands down your arms. You were grateful for the quick change in subject.

He reached around you and set the grip of the gun in your dominant hand. His chest pressed to your back, the heat of his breath touching your hair and you let him mold your grasp to the gun. It was easy to lose yourself in the feel of him; the warmth of his hands as he adjusted your positioning, placed your finger above the trigger.

“Don’t think I’ll ever learn to shoot the way she does,” you admitted.

“Long as you hit the target, it doesn’t matter,” James replied with a slight chuckle.  

He guided your hands in front of you, arms taunt, running his fingers along the curves of your forearms, sliding up your biceps and over your shoulders. Slight pressure, steadying muscle, his touch drew a line down your spine, tracing the power of your stance. Gentle fingers gathered your hair from in front of your shoulders and swept it to your back, away from your face as his nails gently grazed along your skin.

You tried to suppress the shiver that followed.

“Pull the trigger on your exhale,” he instructed, his breath warm on your neck, voice impossibly low, silky, like it was dipped in chocolate. “Concentrate.”

He stepped back and a chill swept your spine in his absence.

You took in a deep breath, eyeing the target; a dark black bullseye with three rings surrounding it positioned on a large, white sheet of paper at the other end of the room. You’d managed to hit the edges before, bullet holes amongst the sea of white.

You repositioned your stance, released the tension in your shoulders, but kept a firm enough hold to prepare for the kickback. On your exhale, your pointer finger wrapped at the trigger and squeezed.

The kickback shot straight to your shoulders, but you held it firm. It hurt more than you remembered from your last training with Natasha, like a heavy jolt through your bones. The feeling was unpleasant, the echo of it pulsing in your ears, because this wasn’t your world the way it was theirs.

You quickly flipped the safety back on and set the gun on the table, pushing it aside. When you looked back to James, he was grinning, arms folded over his chest and extenuating the hardened lines of his biceps. He nodded to the paper and you realized, which quite a bit of shock, that you hit within the circle.

Certainly not the bullseye, but it was in the third ring. It was something. Maybe you weren’t as out of your league as you thought.

“Um,” a voice called through the window behind you. Sam tapped on the glass, raising an eyebrow with that cheeky kind of grin on his face. “You guys need me to play Unchained Melody or…”

“Shut up, Sam!”

***

Only a few days before the shipment and you’d managed to keep up appearances at home. It wasn’t out of character for you to avoid any room Brock was currently occupying, to turn quickly on your heels at the sight of him hunched over at the kitchen table, cigar nestled in his fingers and smoke from his lips, so he didn’t question your frequent absence.

You’d often spot James standing in the corner of the room, in guard and surveillance of the one man he despised above all others, and you’d hold his stare for just a moment, just long enough to remind him that under the mask of the cover he wore, he was still yours. The nod he returned to you was subtle, barely noticeable, but it was enough to get you through the days where his time was stolen by your husband.

The nights at the warehouse became the only place he was within reach. Brock had made him busy with various assignments, none of which James would divulge to you because the less you know at this point, the better, though that didn’t ease your worry. Especially when he came back with broken knuckles.

You glanced down at the papers ahead of you, record logs of the men and women Brock kept in his pocket, called upon for various favors; the corrupted politicians, sheriffs, business owners, and attorneys. You knew some of the names on the list, recognized them from the news and from the chairs of your living room, bourbons in hand and a pocket of cash heavy in their pockets in exchange for their morality.

Your finger slid over the name of the prominent councilman in New York; Grant Ward.  

“What’s the plan here, boss?”

Sam’s voice pulled you from your thoughts as he slumped back into his chair, pulling a few of the files he’d been reading for the last hour along with him.

It was when a breeze from the air ducts caught your chill, a shiver sweeping up your spine as Steve stepped up to the table, hands planted firmly on his hips in concentration. There was a hardened look on his face, once that seemed to be heavy on his features, and it set an unease in your stomach

“We don’t have enough to nail Rumlow.”

His words were like the onset of a freight train to your chest.

“What?” James jolted to his feet, metal chair falling out from under him and clanging to the concrete as he lunged over the table to grab the folder in front of Steve. “How can that be possible? That can’t be fucking possible!”

Frozen, rigid. Ice in your veins. You suddenly became painfully aware of your own heartbeat thunderous in your chest. The light blue of Steve's eyes flickered apologetically in your direction, a slight grimace on his face, before he turned back to James.

“I ran the evidence by Sharon down at the DA’s office and she said while it would be more than enough to bring down just about anyone else, Rumlow could still slither his way out these charges,” he explained, though you caught little of it through the muffled ringing in your ears. “He’s got contacts in the NYPD, the best defense attorneys in the country on his payroll, Washington politicians in his pocket. What we have isn’t enough.”

“What about the raid this weekend?” Sam questioned, quickly loosing that teasing, light hearted energy you’d come to recognize in him. “That has to count for something.”

“Sure,” Steve nodded, “and maybe Hydra will be scraped down to bones for a while, but we all know it can be rebuilt. Rumlow wouldn’t be in lockup longer than a month.”

“We have payroll lists and shipment logs with his signature on them,” Natasha argued, but Steve shook his head.

It wasn’t enough.

You could barely feel the floor under your feet.

The four of them argued back and forth for what felt like hours. There was a numbness that came over you, realizing that this life that you allowed yourself to imagine, where you’d be free from your husband, where you could love James out in the light of day, might always remain as it was; a distant fantasy, a foolish dream you fell into in your weakest moments.

Brock would have a hold on you as long as he was free. He’d threaten Peter and May to keep you complicit, to keep you locked up within that home and dangling off his arm no better than the diamond crested watch around his wrist.

You’d do anything to protect your family and he knew that. He’d exploit it for far worse than he already had. He’d bring you to your knees and find pleasure in the burns on your skin. He’d rip you to pieces.

“We need him at the dock when the raid goes down.”

“That asshole won’t step within five feet of a shipyard in his Gucci wingtips, Steve.”

“We’ve got to catch him in the act, Sam. It’s the only shot we have at making this stick.”

“You’re essentially saying we need Colonel Mustard in the Billiard room with the lead pipe?” Nat raised an eyebrow, arms folded over her chest.

“Exactly,” Steve nodded, defeated. “This isn’t like our other cases. We need insurmountable proof that he’s behind all of this. We’re not only fighting against his defense attorneys but an entire department that’s been bribed and corrupted by Hydra. We need to prove the sky is fuckin’ blue.”

“So how do we get him there?” Sam asked.

“I could try to convince him, but given what went down with Peter, I don’t think it’s a good idea to draw attention to myself,” James admitted, frustration evident in his voice.

“No, you’re right. We need to keep you off Rumlow’s radar. Nat?”

“I don’t know, Steve. I could go under myself, try to build some trust to get him down there but that would take time we don’t have. Months.”

“Why don’t we just throw a bag over his head and bring him there ourselves?”

“Sam!”

“I’m serious! Who’s to say why he suddenly woke up in the cargo hold of a ship surrounded by his precious Cerberus? He’s still at the scene of the crime. Who gives a shit how he got there?”

“Sam...” Steve warned again, hands planted firm on his hips.

“I could do it.”

The words fell from your lips before you even realized you said them out loud. They were too soft, too quiet, because no one seemed to notice; not with the four of them talking over one another, arguing back and forth. Voices rising, echoing up into the empty arcs of the rafters above.

“We don’t have time for games, Wilson,” James snapped, tension aching in his tone.

“I don’t see you coming up with better options here, Karpov.”

“I could do it," you said again, this time on your feet. Natasha turned her attention to you, narrowed eyes, almost a hint of pleasant surprise lurking behind the dark green. She exchanged a glance with Steve and you turned to find him watching you curiously. His hands fell to his sides, then quickly to the table as he looked for the paper with the details for the shipment this coming weekend.

“I could plant hints,” James continued, oblivious to your offer beside him. “I could do something!”

“Don’t be a complete idiot!” Sam shot back with a scoff. “We both know any step you make out of line with Rumlow is going to put you six feet under!”

“Hey!”

Palms stinging on the table, James and Sam quickly bit their tongues as you pulled your hands from the surface, rubbing the tender muscle on your thighs. Your heart was pounding, pulsing deep in your chest and rushing up to your ears, but there was a calmness in it, a sense of relief, a purpose.

“I could do it,” you repeated for the third time, voice steadier, firmer, and the blue of James’ eyes seemed to turn dark, his lips slowly parting as a heavy breath left his chest.

“No. No way in hell.”

“I could talk to him. I could get him to the dock. He’d listen to me if I say it in the right tone.”

“We’re not doing this, Y/n. It’s not happening.” James planted his feet, arms crossed defensively and everyone else’s eyes seemed to avert elsewhere, like they were intruding on something private. The way his jaw was clenched, the short, staggered breaths from his lungs, you started to wonder the same thing.

“Brock always had this fantasy that I’d fall in line one day and run Hydra alongside him,” you told him gently, watching how he flinched at your husband’s name. “You know that if I showed interest, he’d take me to the shipyard himself.”

James gripped at the edge of the seat in front of him, knuckles paper white in the tension. “It’s too dangerous. No.”

“I can handle him. You know I can.”

“It’s not about that!” he shot back, shoving the chair hard against the table, causing Natasha to peer up over the edge of her paper cautiously. “It’s about putting yourself in the line of fire! It’s you having to cozying up to that fucking monster and God knows what else. No. Okay? No.”

You pinched at the bridge of your nose. “James, you’re not hearing me--”

“I’m hearing you just fine. I’m not putting you in that position.”

“But James--”

“I SAID NO!”

Closed fist slammed down on the table, echoing up high into the atrium, and you slowly pressed your lips together, argument dying on your tongue.

It was the first time he ever raised his voice at you, ever so much as threw even an ounce of anger in your direction, though you didn’t flinch; certainly not in the way you would have if it was Brock in his position.

You knew his anger was only a symptom of the very real, paralyzing fear of losing you to this invisible war. He was scared, just as you were, and it was evident the way his shoulders slumped the moment the words left him and he realized he'd lost his composure the at very woman he was trying so desperately to protect.

He pulled his hand to his chest, stretching at his fingers and wincing at the cracks that followed; skin red and angry, the pulsing beat of his heart straight to his fingertips.

You could see the apology forming on his lips, the guilt, the desperate search for words he couldn’t quite find and you stepped forward, gently pulling his hand to his side. You touched along the tension in his shoulders, gingerly running over the strain in his muscle, until his eyes fluttered shut in defeat, lips parting in a quiet whimper.

“James,” you started, tenderly drawing his attention back to you, beautiful blue eyes swarming in remorse, “if this is the only thing that’s going to put Brock behind bars, I have to do it. I want to.”

It’s the only thing keeping me from you, you wanted to add, but despite his team’s busy appearances, noses deep in files and studying monitors of your husband’s current whereabouts, you knew they were listening in.

“Y/n, please,” James urged, your name on his tongue painful, aching, desperate. There was a panic there, a helplessness you didn’t expect as he cautiously glanced back at his team before he stepped closer to you, close enough to feel the warmth of his breath on your cheeks. “We’ll find another way. You don’t have to do this.”

You sighed, running your hands soothingly along his arms until the tension started to faded. Muscle unclenching under your palms, his breaths coming in steady, and you pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

“I’ll be fine,” you whispered. “You’ll be right there with me.”

“I can’t always and you know that.” James shook his head defeatedly, dark blue of his eyes still focused on you. “I don't want you doing something you don’t want to just for this case.”

You clenched your jaw, knowing what he was alluding to and you were thankful for the soft undertones of his voice, how quietly he spoke so only you could hear him. James knew of the nights you’d give Brock reign over your body, how it was often easier to submit than to fight him on it or push it off to another night when he came home drunk and angry and took what he desired by force. It hadn’t happened in nearly ten months, but it still lingered. The shame of it, the anger, never quite went away.

“It won’t come to that,” you assured him, certain, because it was the truth. “It’s two days. I’ll flirt with him a little, warm up to him just enough to get him to bring me to the docks. I can handle that. As long as it brings me back to you, I can handle anything, okay?”

James nodded. He trusted you. That, you knew above all else. It was the reason you were standing in this warehouse and not spending your nights alone and curled up in a bedroom with the door locked in a house that was foreign and cold to you.

The warm touch of his lips grazed your temple, a heat of his breath as he pulled away.

“Okay.”

You leaned into his arms, letting him encompass you in his embrace and you listened for the steady thump of his heart as it slowly evened out, how his breaths came in quieter and the tension he’d been holding washed away at the feel of you against him. He kissed the crown of your head, sighing sweetly as you held him at his waist.

The idea of speaking to your husband, let alone pretending to feel some sort of affection for him, was like bile in your mouth. It was poison in your veins, foreign to your body, but you’d learned how to wear a smile when you needed to, learned to wave at the cameras and say the right things to keep Brock happy.

You’d find a way to fake your way through this, too.

“I wish we had another choice,” Steve said steadily, tone as gentle as he could manage. “She’s our only option.”

“Our best option,” Natasha added with a smile.

“Guess we’re putting the fate of this entire case in the hands of a civilian,” Sam shrugged, though he was smirking. “Seems appropriate the woman Rumlow’s been treating as a prisoner for years will be the one that puts him behind bars.”

“I like the sound of that,” you laughed, muffled only slightly by the thick fabric of James’ sweatshirt as you pressed your cheek to his heart.

He held you a little tighter, almost painfully close, but it was never close enough. It wouldn’t be until this was over.

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

New York

Summary: You’ve planned a holiday with your best friend but an unfortunate (and nasty) cold changed the plans Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader Square: New York for Tell Me A Story Bingo of @supernatural-jackles Warnings: Cold, fever, coughing, sick!reader, ruined vacations, Jensen is the perfect best friend, vomiting (mention) Word Count: 1372 A/N: Part of this story is based on real-life experiences. I’ve never been to New York so anything informed here may not be accurate. All of it was found on Google.

^

You've been planning this vacation for the past six months. You've been dreaming to travel to New York your whole life, but between school, then college, then adulting, basically it was impossible for you to do it; it was a dream you’ve never accomplished.

You were going to meet with Jensen, your best friend in Texas and from there you two were going to travel to New York. Jensen was doing this as a gift for you, mostly because he wanted you to let out all the stress you’ve been gaining in the past months. You were planning to leave at the beginning of April because your holidays were 14 days long and you weren’t going to lose any day without exploring New York. You were really excited about this trip. You’ve been waiting for it for a long time, it was a matter of time until you could see your dream came true.  You met with Jensen in Texas a few days before leaving, there were a few things he needed to finish and you still had an important job interview you needed to attend to. You packed the things you had left there the last time you visited him, double-checking everything was packed before closing the suitcase. The plan was to get checked in at the hotel before Monday morning due to your interview. 

The flight from Texas to New York City was five hours, not too long but neither too short. Jensen and you decided it was best to travel over the weekend, arriving in New York City on a Sunday afternoon.  You were exhausted after the trip, your body felt like you’ve been traveling for 24 hours instead of five. As soon as you got in your shared room with Jensen, you went directly to the bed and slumped in it. -Tired, sweetheart? -Give me five minutes and I’ll be fine — you said rolling on the bed -Let’s stay in and order room service. Just relax for a bit — Jensen offered you -You sure? — he nodded -Go shower, it’ll help you. -Thanks, Jens — you said and left to shower. 

The following day, you woke up early and extremely tired. You were too anxious to sleep, to keep yourself together. You ended up getting just a few hours of sleep and getting up way too early for your liking. A few hours later, Jensen woke up too. -Already up? Someone is excited — he joked -Couldn’t sleep, too anxious — you explained biting your nails -You’ll be fine, don’t worry — he kissed your forehead before going to shower

Once the meeting was over, Jensen and you went out to have breakfast. You were less anxious than earlier, but still, your body was processing it. Jensen noticed it, so he tried to keep your mind distracted to help you. -So, how was the meeting? — he asked curiously -I think it went pretty well, they wanted to know my language level and if I was able to engage in a conversation — you explained — now, I’ll have to wait -I’m sure you did amazing -I hope so After breakfast, Jensen took you to Central Park. You were in love, that place was everything you’ve dreamed of. It was beyond amazing. The rest of the day you went sightseeing and meeting “touristic places”. You were grateful Jensen took you on this vacation, you were starting to relax, and was just day one. That night you went to Broadway, not to watch any play but to meet the place. The night was cold so you went back to your hotel early Back at your hotel room, you showered, put on your pjs, and went to sleep. The first night went lovely, you were excited about what was about to come. You didn’t have much planned what you were going to do, but you knew you were ready to enjoy it.

The next day, you woke up shivering and your bedsheets were drenched, that wasn’t a good sign. You showered again and went to sleep again. Luckily, you were sleeping alone because Jensen wouldn’t have let you hear the end of this. When you woke up again, Jensen was already up and finishing getting ready, unlike you, you had a growing headache, your nose was running and your throat was starting to ache. You knew it was a matter of time until you ended up sick -Hey, you’re up. I was about to wake you — he said -I’ll be ready in five — you said and he looked at you -Are you feeling okay? -Yeah, it’s just an allergy, must be the weather changes. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine — you said going to the bathroom. Just as you were exiting the bathroom you had a sneezing fit, you could feel Jensen’s worried look. -You sure are okay? — he asked you handing you a tissue -Yes, Jens. Like I said, allergy season You left for breakfast and then you were going to walk around Times Square and have some lunch there.  Since you ended breakfast, went to Times Square, and then having lunch you started to feel a lot worse. Your headache became a pounding headache where the sunlight bothered you making you sneeze every time it hit your face. Your throat was raspy and dry, hurting enough every time you talked.  You could see the way Jensen looked at you every time you sneezed or when the sun hit you on the face, you knew he was worried about you. -Let’s head back to the hotel and we can come back at night -Can we go to the Rockefeller Center? — you asked him -We can do that, sweetheart. Let’s go back to the hotel so we can change to warm clothing and then we head there, ok? — you simply smiled and nodded You knew what he was doing, and to be honest with yourself, you just wanted to lay down. Your body was starting to ache.

When you arrived at the hotel, Jensen offered you to shower first, which you gladly accepted. You made sure to put the water as hot as your skin could resist, you needed to relax your sore muscles to keep going on the rest of the day.] When you finished and left the bathroom, you were shivering, you thought it was because the room was a lot cooler than the bathroom. You put on some comfy clothes and laid on your bed to watch some tv until Jensen finished. You hadn’t realized you’d fallen asleep if it wasn’t for Jensen waking you up -Sweetheart, you ok? -Mhm? — you were confused, your felt like your head was going to explode -You are shivering and you were whimpering You tried to sit up when a wave of nausea hit you and you were running to the bathroom. Jensen was right next to you holding your hair and drawing soothing circles on your back. When you finished, he handed you a glass of water and flushed the toilet. He helped you to get up and brush your teeth. Then he carried you bridal style to your bed again. He laid you there and went back to the bathroom, coming back a minute later with a thermometer in hand. After some minutes, the thermometer beeped and read 101. If you wouldn’t have come back, you definitely were going to be a lot worse. -Honey, why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling fine? -I told you, it’s allergy season. Plus the jet lag and the trip and everything else. It was going to happen — you explained You knew that fighting with Jensen to continue this journey was useless, so you let him take care of you. Jensen and you ended up coming back to Texas just after spending three days in New York. The rest of your break, you spend it with Jensen at his house taking care of you.

Even though it wasn’t as you had planned to spend your holidays, you were with Jensen and that was a lot more than you could’ve asked. He was amazing and you were grateful to have him in your life.

Tag List (is open, you can ask to be added)

@iguessweallcrazyithinktho | @thevelvetseries | @mrspeacem1nusone | @bitchy-witchy-post-mortem | @caplanreads | @akshi8278 | 

[miekasa]

the pre-pancetta snippet: early december, 3 months before the world went to shit

💉levi gets sick [levi grumbles in the background]

it was the pre-pandemic flu season. levi caught it at work and just his luck, it was pretty bad for him. but healthcare is expensive, capitalism sucks, so he wore a mask and still went to work the next day, thinking bedrest during the weekend would be enough. erwin kindly dropped off some sports drinks while hange gave him a new bag of black tea leaves. oc comes home to find him almost asleep at the table while waiting for water to boil for his tea and her senses tingle. she just knows. levi is pretty out of it by then, very pissed, feeling like shit, but still thinking about the slack he has to pick up at work. oc is very concerned because he looks awful. she bugs him and asks him if he’s okay with her checking him up. he is about to tell her to piss off but what the hell, lucky his roomie’s a doctor and he’ll take free healthcare when he can. so he nods once in dramatic brooding levi fashion.

her hands are cool on his forehead and neck, it feels so good, and levi is really trying not to accidentally moan out loud. when she brings out her stethoscope and asks him to take deep breaths, his focus is on her hand absentmindedly rubbing his shoulder [levi thoughts: he’s really out of it if this is all he can focus on]. oc’s brow furrows when she finds out he’s had only one cup of tea for the entire day and only one meal the day before. he says he’s brewing more, but oc is not having it! she heats up some leftover soup she has and makes him eat before handing him a tylenol. levi feels unsteady and weak but he’s trying to keep up the i’m-fine-it’s-just-the-flu facade. oc sees right through it and tails him to his room.

she helps him to bed, all while saying he’ll need meds for the virus and he needs to eat and drink more fluids because he’ll need an IV drip if not. even if it’s just the flu, he got a pretty bad case. levi strips off his shirt before he drops onto his pillows, grumpy and dismissive, telling her to just leave the prescription. he can handle it. oc snorts before leaving him alone (for now)

levi wakes up to rustling sounds and finds oc by his bedside setting up some stuff. his head is pounding, entire body is aching, and his cough is killing his throat. he’s very grumpy and is about to tell oc to just let him be but he gets a coughing fit. oc rubs his back while checking his vitals, her voice soft with worry as she asks him how he is feeling. he says he went to the bathroom but that’s it. he doesn’t see oc frown, but he’s more than annoyed that he is disturbed when she digs him out of the blankets. she helps him sit up, propping him on his pillows, and she makes him eat more soup, drink some tea, and take his meds. his throat is cooling and he realizes belatedly that she made him strong mint tea. he’s just swallowing whatever so he can go back to sleep [levi is trying very hard not to vocalize his disappointment whenever her hands leave him]. oc sighs at the little care her patient has for himself, but she tells him that he needs a drip at this point. she’s not satisfied with how little he’s been eating and drinking. levi is ready to throw hands because he refuses to spend thousands of dollars for 2 hours at the emergency room and get scammed by health insurance just so they can give him IV fluids, but oc surprises him by saying she’s all set up, and if he’s okay with it, she can do it here.

he shrugs and holds out his hand. the skin of her hands are a little rough with a few calluses, her touch so light and sure. the needle pinches but the pain dulls after a few seconds. he watches oc taping up the line and securing his hand to some makeshift splint so it doesn’t move around much. oc hangs up the bottle on the hanger she installed on the wall lamp by his bed before heading out. levi tries to fall back into sleep again. suddenly, he feels a damp cool cloth brush his forehead and his face while another hand runs through his hair gently. he’s groggy and he squirms because what. he hears oc shushing him, saying something about sponge baths for fever, and he’s just so not used to tenderness and care, and she’s sponging down his neck and his chest, running over his arms, turning him on his side gently so she doesn’t jostle him into wakefulness. her hands are firm and gentle as they wipe down his back and it’s cool and soothing and so good over his heated skin. he falls asleep in minutes. this never happens.

he thinks oc drops in once more in the middle of the night because he remembers someone holding him up to take something. when he wakes up the next morning, his fever is gone and he feels like himself again. he sees an empty bottle on his bedside table which means oc must have changed his drip too. the one he’s hooked to is almost gone. he’s in the middle of answering a work email on his phone when oc, already dressed for work, pops in to check on him. she has a tray in hand, looking genuinely relieved and happy that he’s better. his knows his appetite is back because the smell immediately makes his mouth water. he is very hungry after 3 days of soup and tea. she made really good pancakes, fried bacon to a perfect crisp, and the scrambled eggs are savory and creamy. it’s killing him. he can forgive the tea bag from a packet. levi is still a tea snob. oc is cheery, chirping that he’s good to go without a drip as long as he keeps up his food and fluids.

oc: water, tea, or pocari sweat, levi! none of the sugary sports drinks erwin left you, that stuff is a scam.

levi: i don’t have pocari—

oc: i bought you some, they’re in the drinks cupboard!

levi: why—

oc: it’s not just sugar, it has the electrolytes you need!!

she unhooks the IV and takes out his line, lays out his medication regimen and tells him to please call her if he starts feeling bad again. levi rolls his eyes and bats her concern away, grumbling that he’s fine and well enough, but he’s listening to every word she says. he utters a small thank you because how on earth does he convey his immense gratitude in words, he is not used to words!!! his cheeks feel very warm. oc giggles and ruffles his hair. she understands her roomie’s not talkative, but his soft gaze betrays everything beneath his gruff exterior. his shyness is adorable even if he was a grumpy old man while sick. oc thinks that her theory of him being 89 years old deep inside might be right after all. she sternly tells him to rest and lay off strenuous activities until he’s really recovered.

oc: rest. no cleaning today.

levi: my room—

oc: no. cleaning. today.

and just like that, she’s off to work [levi thoughts: wtf she works on sundays?]. all that levi can think of for three days, or more like since that day, are her gentle, comforting touches, her kind smiles, and how pretty she is. he tries, he really tries to push back the thoughts and bury the memories, but all efforts become in vain for him the next week.

he’s reading on the couch and relaxing for the night when oc comes out of her room looking like a fucking goddess. she’s in a deep green dress of flowing silk with thigh-high slit, sporting a dark, vibrant red lip, complaining of some recognition ceremony she has to attend for one of her bosses at work. she pouts while slipping on pumps that make her legs look even more stunning. levi is aware that he is staring and has tuned out her voice, so he forces himself out of it. he remembers basic conversation etiquette and lamely asks about the party. oc says it’s a black-tie-long-gown thing that’s a waste of her time. she twists her hair up in a messy bun and puts on earrings, grumbling that this is the most formal she’ll go. levi is mildly amused when she says she’ll nick a bottle of good champagne and some desserts before she escapes the party in an hour. tops.

levi: what if you get caught?

oc: they can spare one bottle and a few cupcakes

levi: and what reason have you come up with if they start interrogating you?

oc: my roommate is sad and a stress-eat is essential after shitty weeks of being underpaid laborers *cheeky smile*

he rolls his eyes. when she steps out their door (her uber’s there), levi counts to ten before groaning very loudly to let his frustrations out.

but she really did steal and bring home the good stuff, squealing in excitement when she sees that he was still up. he actually waited for her to get home but she doesn’t need to know that. they shared fruit tarts and fancy mini-cakes and worked through the bottle of champagne while bonding over their mutual disdain for assholes at work. conversation was open and easy, and levi cannot remember when he has been this comfortable around others who weren’t old friends of his. he was in an old shirt and jogger shorts. oc was still in her dress, barefoot, lipstick still perfect and bun still messy, picking a strawberry off the last cake while laughing at his dry jab about her boss. and jesus christ, she was exquisite.

at this point, denial begins to trickle in, but levi doesn’t know that yet. it’s just the champagne, right?

end. this was so mf long, i’m so sorry 😭 anyway this is insanely self-indulgent, and this is me coping with the pandemic (and with SnK ending today)

AHHHHHHH I LOVE ALL OF THIS ANON!!! SO MUCH!!!! PLEASE THIS HIT ALL THE MARKS!! Levi being reluctant to having someone take care of him, oc picking up on him not feeling well even though he’s not really showing it, and eventually just giving him the care and attention he needs (without suffocating him because you know he would be grumpy about that). I love this wow, seriously. 

AND THE END!! When they’re drinking together and he’s feeling better, you know damn well he didn’t even want her to leave in the first place, and IM SO GLAD HE’S FINALLY REALIZING!! Levi, my beloved, you are in love it is not the champagne 😌😌

[agustdef]

With All My Heart

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Hoseok x Doctor!Reader.

Genre: Established Relationship; Angst; Fluff

Word Count: 11K

Warning: Angsty. Language...?; Mention of Death; Mentions of mental health struggles

Rating: PG15

Banner Maker: @httpangelicjimin​ who was wonderful enough to remake this one after realized the other wouldn’t work and then proceeded to use it for I Found You.

Beta Reader: @suhdays​ who knew I was in a rush and was kind enough to offer to beta it for me without me asking. 

When Hoseok came home from his last appointment, he found the apartment mostly silent and way cleaner than when he’d left that morning. Probably cleaner than after the weekly Sunday morning routine was finished, which was impressing and worrisome. But also made him hopeful.

After discarding his shoes and jacket at the door, he headed to the bedroom where he found YN already settled into bed. She wore a large shirt – with the words fight me with a leprechaun on front – that she’d probably stolen from Yoongi’s closet during their last visit, her bonnet, and a koala face mask. Her eyes were focused on the TV on the wall opposite their bed and she hummed along with the intro to the anime she was watching.

It was the most relaxed he’d seen her in weeks.

“Hey baby,” he said.

That drew her attention towards him, and she smiled when they locked eyes, though that stopped as soon as her mask shifted. She was happy to see him and had missed him after the day she’d spent alone. Not that she was lonely or anything, but it felt nice to break away from being by herself.

“Hi. You’re home early. I thought you had to work on that big piece tonight?” she said.

That made Hoseok annoyed in an instant. He huffed and rolled his eyes while his fingers ran through his hair. The memory of the evening he had before, and after he finished what turned into his last client filled his head.

“She called and said she couldn't make it. Which was fine, because I wasn't up to working on it tonight anyway. I'm still feeling sick I guess. But, then she kept changing her mind, and when she finally decided to come - and said she was on her way - she didn't come at all. No response to calls or any of the messages I sent. But I was scrolling through the shop's feed while waiting for my other person only to see her at some other shop we follow getting a different tattoo. I just told her that if she wasn’t going to honor appointments and give me the run around, then we weren’t the right fit.”

In response YN frowned. It was clear how annoyed and tired he was, even without the added stress of a wishy washy, client who just thought they could do whatever the hell they wanted when requesting someone’s time. She wanted to knock the girl upside her head, but it wasn’t realistic, and she’d never go out of her way to attack someone. Though the idea of cussing her out if she appeared at the shop when YN was around didn’t seem too terrible of a plan.

However, that wasn’t something that either of them lingered on long because Hoseok sneezed five times in a row and by the third he seemed wiped out.

YN took off her mask and threw it in the trash near her side of the bed before hopping up. She opened her bedside table and pulled out a thermometer, which she quickly freed from its little bad as she rounded the bed to where he stood. Hoseok knew better than to argue so his mouth opened before she even raised her arm to stick it in.

They stood there for a moment staring at each other, until they heard the beep and when YN looked at the temperature she winced.

“You went up so much since this morning. You’re practically at fever levels. Go take a shower and get in bed. I’ll get some stuff for you to take,” she said.

There was no way Hoseok would argue with how he felt. It was like once he was at home and stopped moving his body had started to give up. He felt heavy and he ached a little here and there. His head also felt a little weird, but he chalked up part of that to being frustrated. So, once she stepped away from him he dragged himself to the bathroom.

By the time he finished his shower and pulled on some clothes, YN was already back in the room. She’d had a bowl, a mug, and a glass of water sitting on the table near his side of the bed. And she was unfolding a blanket, which Hoseok recognized as one the weighted ones. It was something that YN pulled out whenever one of them was having a tough time sleeping or in general, and when they got sick. Something about the thing eased the body into relaxation that neither of them had ever felt before.

When she noticed his arrival, she smiled at him and patted the bed. Hoseok moved as quickly as his body would allow him and plopped down onto the bed. Before he could do much else she placed the bowl into his hands.

“It’s a mix of the broths from the soup your mom brought and that Mama Min brought. You are to never tell them that I did this. Or that while both are good they taste next level combined. I will not be killed because I took care of you,” she said.

At that Hoseok laughed, and then drank down the broth. YN wasn’t wrong about it being better combined, which was part of the reason he downed it despite the burn he felt. Naturally, YN chastised him as he did because she could see the pain on his face, but he paid her no mind. Once finished, she replaced the bowl with the mug and one look inside had him sitting it down.

“You know I don’t like that version of ginseng. Why can’t I drink the other one?” he whined.

“Because it’s the kind that helps you the most and it hides the taste of the medicine you hate so much. This is your own fault for being a wimp and not wanting to drink it down by itself. So drink it,” she said.

Of course, he didn’t do it right away. Hoseok stared YN down and attempted his best puppy dog eyes and pout, but was met with an unamused expression that became more uncaring as each second passed. That didn’t deter hum though, at least not for about a minute or so when it was clearly she only grew more impatient with him.

With a huff he grabbed the mug and quickly downed the shot of ginseng and medicine. He winced in reaction to how bitter it was and immediately snatched the glass of water up as YN took the mug from him. Once he’d downed that as well she grabbed all the dishes and headed out of the bedroom.

“Get comfortable in bed,” she called back.

Upon return she had both of their 34oz water bottles filled up and ready for them to drink through the night if need be. Which for Hoseok was often while sick and because she’d caught a little of his cold she too needed a few sips at random times if she woke up.

After giving it to him, she climbed into bed and slid under the blanket. It may have been summer but they tended to keep their room on the colder side, which meant that they wouldn’t overheat just because they slept under them; which was good because YN needed to be under a blanket to sleep.

Getting comfortable didn’t take them long, since they were both so wiped out from their days. And despite Hoseok’s sickness they cuddled together, because unlike him YN continued her dose of medicine until it was gone. She knew she wasn’t one hundred percent better even when the symptoms appeared to have left her completely.

They stayed cuddled together for about half an hour watching what YN had on before he’d come home. Nothing felt tense or awkward in their silence, just comfortable and relaxed.

But as time went on Hoseok remembered the feeling he’d had upon his arrival home. The worry that filled him when he saw how much she’d cleaned by herself in the time he’d been gone. And the hope he’d had at knowing she’d found enough energy to even make the effort to clean that much in the first place. She’d been out of it for weeks and it was the first major sign that something changed. Or that’s what he wished for.

Hoseok turned his head to look at her, well more like assess her face. It was relaxed and she seemed genuinely interested in what was on the screen and not off in her own little world. Though once she realized he was staring she turned his way and his assessment was over almost as quickly as it began.

“Can I help you?” she asked, her brow raised.

For a moment Hoseok debated telling her no, but that didn’t sit right with him. He needed to say something or it would bother him until he blurted it out. Or there was a chance she’d bottle it all up and not say anything at all because she was fine or she didn’t want to dump on him because he wasn’t her therapist.

“How was your session?” he asked.

There was a momentary change in her expression, but she didn’t let it linger for long. That made him even more worried, but he waited for her to say something. Though he knew if she was holding back and if he should push her.

“It was fine, I guess. Less crying than usual. We talked about all my other issues and saved how I was feeling about my mom for last. I think she hoped that by keeping me in a time constraint of twenty minutes I’d be forced to get out the main issues first and avoid going off into tangents. She was very wrong about that and the appointment ran for half an hour longer than it should have. I’d gotten so worked up that it wasn’t wise to try to force me down quickly,” she said.

Hoseok nodded along and reached under the blanket to grab her hand but didn’t utter a word. Just like her therapist he wanted her to let things out at her own pace.

“I mean it’s getting easier, but I don’t know. How is one supposed to process the death of their mother? And it doesn’t help that on top of that it’s dealing with how we were estranged. Knowing that my mix of apathy and deep hurt are valid. That it’s okay that I’m not as torn up about her dying as I think I should be. That I’m not torn up about losing a chance at speaking to the sibling that I never wanted to deal with because he moved back to the US. Dealing with calls from a slew of aunts and uncles who regularly give no fucks about me, questioning why I’m not there, and why I chose not to be heavily involved in the process. Why I could only show up. Why I didn’t stay longer.”

The more she spoke the shakier her voice got and it broke Hoseok’s heart. She was getting better and he knew that, but he always knew it was a lot to overcome. The loss of her only parent, despite their relationship, was something hard to deal with or so he imagined it. It had even affected Yoongi a great deal since he’d been close to her before too, but he recovered faster.

More than anything, Hoseok wished he could find some magic way to lessen the pain and confusion for her, but he felt just as helpless as when she found out. She’d come to the shop when she still had six hours of her twelve hour shift left to go and looked in shock. Without a word she’d run into Yoongi’s arms as he’d come out of his room after hearing Jungkook’s frantic calls. There she burst into tears, and through the sobbing told them that her mother had been in a car accident and didn’t make it.

None of them, except Yoongi, had ever seen her cry that hard and he tried his best to be her rock, but he broke with her. They broke down in the middle of the shop, falling to their knees as they cried together. The boys decided to close after that and just let them cry, comforting them when they could. And at some point they called Beau and Mama Min to tell them what had happened.

From there, they had to wait until they were calm enough to get them in a car to head back to Yoongi’s place. There they were met by Beau and Mama Min, who accepted them with open arms. The sobbing started all over again and they slowly got them to calm down enough to eat and shower. Everyone assumed it was a sleepover kind of situation, so they’d gotten Jin and Taehyung to swing by their places to grab stuff for them.

The entire night was just everyone surrounding YN on the makeshift nest they’d made. She never once let go of Yoongi’s hand and he didn’t dare release hers. And as they slept she cuddled into Mama Min’s side holding onto her for dear life with her other hand.

Seeing her shattered like that was eye opening for Hoseok, and he tried his best to make sure she was okay. Work gave her two weeks off, but when she didn’t bounce back quickly they extended the leave for a little longer. Then when that ran out she used vacation time she’d saved up. That was the start of when she actually made progress in not being a shell of her former self and Hoseok would tell her to take off all the time in the world if it meant that she’d be better.

But, as Hoseok sat there thinking about how he wished there was something he could do to fix things he realized there was something he could at least try to make her feel a bit better. And it would allow him to do something that he’d been wanting to for a while.

Smiling at her he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before pulling away and staring into her eyes.

“We haven’t gone out in a while. So, what do you say about us and everyone going out to the beach for a week? We can do it next week too. Go to the beach house and hang out, have some fun,” he said.

For a moment it felt like she’d say no, especially because she looked so emotional, but then she nodded. And Hoseok watched as a smile worked its way onto her lips, bigger and more genuine than he’d seen in a while.

“That sounds like what I need,” she said.

Happy with that, Hoseok leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before pulling away and snuggling into her. They continued their comfortable cuddly night in and slowly drifted to sleep together. Hoseok’s mind focused on planning things out perfectly until he knocked out.

The day before they were to leave to head to the beach house YN had planned to spend it packing and relax because the journey was tiresome. However, Hoseok had other plans and just as she finished packing her stuff he called her to come down to the shop for the night. Saying no was an option, but he sounded so excited that she couldn’t help but say yes.

So, on a Friday night when she could’ve been in her home eating and playing video games she found herself in Hoseok’s tattoo room by herself. Upon her arrival she’d been told he’d run out for a second and would be back in a bit. And in that case a bit meant thirty minutes or so after she got there.

Annoyed was an understatement, especially when she saw that he read the texts she’d sent asking him where he was. When it got too much, she got up to leave, but the moment she put her hand on the knob she was stumbling back because the door was being pushed open from the outside.

Hoseok – sweaty and breathing heavily – held bags of food and balanced multiple drinks in a tray. His eyes were wide and his mouth open in that uncomfortable mouth breathing way. Like YN could see the man’s uvula clear as day.

For a while they stood there staring at each other, that was until Hoseok regained control of his breathing.

“Were you about to leave?”

“Yes. You asked me to come at a specific time and you’re not here. Then I have to wait over thirty minutes where you open and don’t respond to my texts. How much longer did you think I was going to stay? Especially since you asked me to come here when I planned to not leave the couch until I absolutely had to all night,” she said.

At that Hoseok frowned. Moving past her a little he placed the stuff down in the tattoo chair that was reclined back. Then he moved to stand in front of her, his hands cupped her face. He stared at her expression and saw the slight bags under her eyes and the lingering sadness. She’d done so well for almost a week following his proposal of the beach trip, but the last day or two something shifted.

Her mother’s husband had found a way to contact her and it had thrown her off. Though the conversation had gone well it had brought her two steps back. Hoseok had woken up to her crying in the middle of the night and through the tears she’d managed to say that she felt like she was doing something wrong despite knowing she wasn’t. Despite knowing she was doing what was best for her and her mental state she felt like it was all wrong. Overthinking her decisions needlessly. The next morning – after he’d gotten her to sleep – she apologized and told him she knew that she was right and having a conversation with her mother’s husband that didn’t go horribly or fill her with anger felt off.

Things got better after that, but it took more than a moment of clarity and a talk with her therapist over the phone to get her back to where she’d been before. And that was why Hoseok had come up with the idea to call her into the shop. Well Jungkook and Taehyung came up with the idea to take her out before they all left, but he came up with what they’d do.

“I know, but I wanted to do something before we left. I swear we shouldn’t be here all night and I got that burger you were craving,” he said, a pout formed on his lips.

The usual thing would be for YN to throw the smallest of fits because she felt so tired, but his stupid face was there and she couldn’t say no. Plus she hadn’t left the apartment much in a week and needed the change of scenery even if it wasn’t a major one.

YN sighed. “Fine.”

With her answer and the small smile he saw fighting to take form on her lips Hoseok finally stopped his pouting. Leaning forward he pressed a quick kiss to her lips before releasing his hold on her face and moving over to the food. He carefully removed everything from the bags and then ran to put two of the four drinks in the tray into his mini freezer.

All the while YN stood and watched him; she hadn’t wanted to get in the way of what he was doing. The man could be anal about how things were handled when he was attempting to make some nice gesture and she’d been on the end of one of his glares before. Though she knew he wasn’t actually mad she knew not to push it further. There was no need for her to deal with a pouty baby later because things veered off plan; especially since she’d shown up before he could get back.

“Okay, so I know you were craving a burger and I went to the place you like and got you a double cheeseburger with extra pickles and a large fry. Also, a sprite and a chocolate milkshake,” he said.

Hearing him list the things made something stir inside YN. After giving into him she’d gotten less annoyed, but that hadn’t meant her mood shifted completely. Despite not being actively sad she felt down and having him get her the thing she’d been craving and getting her out of the house brightened her day. The corners of her mouth even turned up in a smile, something that hadn’t graced her lips once since she’d arrived – or all that day for that matter.

So, she watched as he excitedly continued and reassured her that the things she didn’t like weren’t on the burger and that he thought it would be good for them to sit in his room to eat. There was something about another plan of his, but she barely heard him as she smiled and watched him closely. His smile grew as he excitedly spoke of his idea, causing her own to do the same.

Hoseok was mid-ramble when he noticed that she was smiling at him. A truly genuine one at that. It made his heart beat a little erratically, but he didn’t mind at all. YN’s happiness was his priority and it felt good for him to see that she looked happy, even for a moment.

“Should we start eating?” he asked.

She nodded and he moved one of his chairs over to her so she could sit down to eat her food at the tattoo chair. In many cases she’d object, but the smell of multiple disinfectants told her that he’d cleaned the thing multiple times before her arrival. Plus, he’d laid a paper you’d see when you went to the doctor over the seat, so there was an added barrier from the food and the not so cleanly people who sometimes sat in it.

Though her mouth watered at the smell and the visual of her food YN waited until Hoseok was seat in his own chair across from her. He gave her a pointed look that she knew well from all the times he got annoyed at her not just eating and she dug into it without a word.

Not speaking was something they maintained for a few minutes before Hoseok swallowed a bite that he barely chewed.

“Did you finish getting everything ready?” he asked.

She nodded, because unlike him she liked to chew her food quite a bit before swallowing it.

“Yeah. Everything of mine is packed, as well as stuff we need for the beach, most of the snacks, and I grabbed all your stuff but didn’t pack it.”

Hoseok scoffed. “Good.”

At that she couldn’t help but to roll her eyes.

“You could’ve just let me pack it all for you. That way you don’t have to worry about it when you get home. Plus, you’re going to ask me to help when something doesn’t fit anyway,” she mumbled.

“I can back my own stuff. I’m a big boy. Besides who says I’ll need your help this time, I’m not even taking a whole lot with me.”

There was no verbal response to that, just a shake of the head as she gave up on the topic. At the end of the day she knew she was right and that Hoseok would come to her whining about something not fitting right or being unable to zip the bag. And the solution would be to refold something, rearrange how things sat, or make him realize he didn’t need as many pairs of shoes as he packed. And he definitely didn’t need to bring multiple colors of the same chunky, ugly pair of shoes that she hated.

She wished she could burn them but he loved them too much.

From there silence persisted for a bit and then she randomly turned her head to see a sketch on his wall of an anime she’d watched a long time ago. Naturally, that started a whole conversation about it and how much Hoseok hadn’t liked it as a kid. Something about his sister forcing him to watch it and him not liking the main character. Which led to a discussion about other main characters they both didn’t like. It spiraled into the difference between characters made unlikable as a part of their stories and how some were just not great and people played them off as unlikable on purpose. That didn’t stop people critiquing them though. Definitely didn’t stop YN.

As they talked their food lessened until it was gone. Hoseok took the initiative to clean it up and directed YN to the freezer. She grabbed their shakes and sat the one that was clearly white and black down on his side, grabbing a straw and jabbing it into her own cup. Her lips wrapped around it to pull some of the frozen treat up, but she struggled with how thick it was. When she finally got some out she pulled away with a smile.

“I see it’s up to your standards of thick. Sure you don’t want a spoon?” he asked upon his return to the seat.

YN shook her head vigorously and went in for more. Part of her brain hated the struggle, but the joy that filled her each time she finally got some was too great. The thick milkshakes were always the best.

While she did that Hoseok moved to his computer and turned on some music, his usual tattooing playlist blasted through the speakers. He turned it down when he saw YN flinch and then slid his chair back over to the seat. He grabbed his own straw and milkshake and sucked it down. It was thick, but the normal kind. No part of him had the patience to wrestle with his food or drink, so despite how much creamier it was her way he chose not to suffer.

About half the milkshake was gone before he got up from the seat and snatched YN’s from her hand – despite protest – to put back in the freezer. When he turned around he was met with her pouting and he wanted to give it back but they had other things to do as well.

“There’s another reason I asked you to come,” Hoseok said.

“Which is?”

He didn’t respond, just gathered a few things and prepped his small rolling table for tattooing before pushing towards her. There was no time to process what he meant by the action because then he was whipping off his shirt and taking a seat in the tattoo chair.

His intentions were beyond clear.

“Today?” she asked.

“Today.”

“But I-”

“Aht, no buts. You’re ready to do this and you were so excited to get to tattoo an actual person. So, today you’re going to do me and then Yoongi another time. Probably the others too since they’re all babies who can’t be left out.” He rolled his eyes while he said the last bit.

“That’s so many, I didn’t sign up for that. And why now? I’m not prepared for this. I don’t even have the stencil ready or-”

Again she didn’t get far because Hoseok pointed to a sheet of paper on the table that had various copies of the tattoo they’d agreed on and a pair of scissors.

The man had truly taken the time to make sure that everything was set. Which was sweet, but also spiked YN’s nerves. So much that any sadness that she’d felt was nowhere on her mind.

Hesitation was clear on her face as Hoseok watched her and he worried she was stuck amid her sadness, but then he noticed the nervous glint in her eyes. He found it cute that the woman cut open people for a living and was worried about how her tattoo would come out. Even though she caught onto tattooing faster than anyone in the shop and had the steadiest hand of all of them.

Reaching over Hoseok cupped her face and forced her gaze on him.

“You’ll do fine. We chose this tattoo because it was quick and basic. Line work and some shading. You even did it a million times on oranges, lemons, and grapefruit. It’ll be great,” he encouraged.

There was an urge to protest, but YN didn’t. She rose from her seat and walked out of the room. She went to wash her hands and then came back to slip gloves onto them. She lifted the arm rest and placed his arm on it, careful to look around for a good spot. Hoseok was tattooed almost completely on both arms, but there was a spot on his left forearm that had enough space.

From there she was kind of on autopilot. She cut the stencil and placed it on the spot to double check that it would work. Once pleased she set it back on the table and grabbed an antiseptic wipe to clean the area. She spent way too much time on that, but Hoseok didn’t comment on it. Before she knew it she was actually placing the stencil onto his skin and peeling it off, the thin purple lines transferred perfectly.

By then the nerves had returned and she was ready to back down, but then she made eye contact with Hoseok and he gave her an encouraging smile. She couldn’t stop then, she needed to see the tattoo through.

She got the gun and the ink ready, but the vibe felt off. So, without a word she rolled over to the computer and pulled off a glove. There were several clicks before Jonghyun’s beautiful voice filled the space. It was the first song on her surgery playlist and in a way tattooing was like that, so it was the perfect relaxer.

After replacing the glove she took off with another one she got to work. The tip of the needle dipped into the black ink and using her free hand she pressed Hoseok’s arm down and began the tattoo.

The design was a crescent moon – which would be shaded in – and a sun combined. Where the moon stopped lines and dots of varying lengths were used to make clear that it was the sun. Nothing intricate, but still something she worried about messing up.

Her movements were careful and steady, her hand moving easily as she traced the outline of the moon. It took her shorter than she thought even with her excessive wiping, but she wasn’t pleased with the outcome. It wasn’t bad at all, basically perfect. However, she’d been so nervous that the lines were too thin.

“If you want it thicker you can do it. I know Yoongi worked with you on that the last few sessions. I only taught you to start with thinner lines just in case you’re unsure,” Hoseok offered as if he read her mind.

YN nodded, chewing on her lower lip as she went in again. That time her lines were a little heavier and though part of her worried that it was a mistake to make them that thick, by the time she’d finished and wiped the excess she was pleased with it.

Being happy with her outcome meant that she felt more confident, which meant she went into the next part with less worry. She shaded the moon in with vigor and had to mutter a few apologies when Hoseok whined about her being too aggressive. It was just that she got excited and so into the work.

Which meant that she didn’t notice Yoongi when he’d silently entered the room. He stood behind her, though about a foot away so he wasn’t crowding her. Him and Hoseok watched as she finished the shading and went on to the lines to create the sun. Her hand moved carefully as she did and though there were a few curses when she thought she messed up, there were also those lightbulb moments when she realized she could make up the length with a few extra dots. Nothing ruined at all.

Once finished she set the gun to the side and carefully used the other items on the table to clean it. Seeing the cleaned version had her scared it was a mess, but the more she stared at it the more she liked it.

“You did good. How the hell did you get that to curve so fluidly?” Yoongi said, startling her with his sudden presence.

“She was so worried she’d mess up, I told her it would be fine,” Hoseok said.

Involuntarily, YN rolled her eyes. They enjoyed double teaming her on everything, but self-doubt was by far their favorite.

“Let the man see the new tattoo,” Yoongi said, playful nudging her shoulder.

Her eyes widened as she remembered he couldn’t see it well from the angle he was at and she moved away from the chair so he could get up. Hoseok immediately went over to the floor length mirror hanging near the door. He held out his arm and examined it closely – and for way too long – without saying anything. If he hadn’t smiled before he spoke she would’ve thrown up in fear he hated it.

“I told you, you’d do good baby,” he said.

Tension melted from her body at that and Hoseok watched on in joy. Not only had she accomplished her first tattoo, but she also appeared genuinely happy. There was nothing about her that exuded sadness or showed that she was even vaguely in a low place. It didn’t mean she was completely free from the thoughts, but it did mean that she wasn’t caught up in them enough to show any outward reactions. And since she wasn’t the best at keeping her emotions hidden and bottled up that was a win.

From the eye contact he made with Yoongi for a moment the older male also appeared to think so. Flashing Hoseok a thumbs up when YN wasn’t looking.

The first part of Hoseok’s plan was a success.

The trip to the beach was long and started early. They’d rented a twelve-seater van to drive there and alternated drivers. Jungkook, Yoongi, and YN switched out every two hours so no one got too complacent or tired with the six hour drive. It was trying sometimes because of stupid drivers or someone complaining too much, but they made it there without anyone killing someone else.

A true win.

They arrived at the beach house late afternoon and decided they’d spend that night in. None of them had enough energy from the trip to anything and they had a full week to venture out. Plus avoiding the massive crowd on a Saturday night was a win.

Food was ordered in front various places because everyone either wanted something different or couldn’t make up their mind on what they wanted at all. Dinner was eaten and though it started off with minimal conversation they all eventually started talking about random things and eventually it led to talk of what they would do the next day. Hoseok mentioned something about the amusement park nearby, which got YN excited immediately and everyone agreed with that.

However, the quickness in which they all said yes wasn’t lost on YN despite her excitement. Usually they all took forever deciding what to do on any group outing and when they did there was some sort of whining. But everyone had agreed and then went about eating like everything was fine. No questions asked. No adjustments to time. No concerns about being there for so long. Just compliance.

It was something YN planned to ask about and fight against if they were doing it because she wanted to. Them giving in just because it would make her happy because she’d been so down wasn’t something she was okay with. The thought was nice, but she preferred they did their own things if that’s what they wanted. But she didn’t get to ask because everyone finished and before she knew it Hoseok escorted her to their room.

And like clockwork her body felt heavy the moment her eyes laid on the bed. Not even the pretty view from their balcony could draw her in. Which made it easy for Hoseok to maintain control to get her in the shower and then bed in the matter of thirty minutes.

By the time her head hit the pillow she felt refreshed, but like she’d cried for a few hours straight. The kind of tired where you don’t really feel one with the world and everything is almost like an outsider looking in. Though when she looked at Hoseok he grounded her a bit.

He took a few minutes longer to get into the bed after she did, slipping in wearing nothing but his boxers. Which was fine because she was in short shorts and a crop top. Something that seemed to warrant him poking her stomach every so often, which she allowed to happen because she didn’t have it in her to stop him.

Hoseok knew what he was doing too and that he’d pay for it once she slept, though she tended to forget things when too tired. But he stopped his poking and prodding after a few seconds, preferring to pull her close so they were cuddled together. Her leg thrown over him and their faces resting inches away from each other. He wanted to stay up a little and talk, but her eyes were closed and her breathing slowing.

For once she didn’t argue about it only being 8:00pm and thus too early to sleep. She’d say that every time they went on a trip, but more than anything she’d been saying it since after her mother’s funeral. Even when she looked exhausted and mentally not there she refused to sleep that early. So it felt good to see her not do it for once and after placing a kiss on her lips that thought lulled Hoseok to sleep.

Because they’d fallen asleep so early everyone was up at around seven the next morning. Well, everyone except for Jin, Beau and YN. They’d all woken up and ventured out of their rooms at around five almost six and decided yoga was the move. They gathered on the back patio of the house where you could see the beach and got to work.

Yoga was something that Jin and YN did regularly. The hospital had classes for all the staff to take and they’d gone with no intentions to ever do it again, but then realized how good they felt the days after. From then on they went to the classes or met up in a secluded part of a park early in the morning to do it before going out for breakfast or something. Beau joined in once when YN did it at home and then usually join her anytime he saw her doing it. Sometimes even joining her and Jin when they ventured out.

It was a great first moment of the vacation and one of the few times she’d felt so at peace in a long while.

From there they showered, got dressed, and went down to make breakfast. They’d picked up some groceries before getting to the house so they didn’t have to worry about it later.

By the time they finished everyone was up. Food was consumed at an alarming rate and everyone got ready with the same quickness. They wanted to get to the park at opening so they could have a better chance to get on everything. Which led to a lot of yelling and rushing people to hurry up and get to the van.

Hoseok took it upon himself to drive them there and as the rides came into view the closer they got the more excited YN got. She bounced in her seat and almost opened her door before the car came to a full stop.

That was dangerous and with the way Yoongi looked at her Hoseok thought she’d get scolded, but in fact the older man was upset that she tried to cheat. Which confused Hoseok until he whipped the door open and sprinted towards the entrance, YN hot on his heels and yelling about who was the real cheater.

It was like watching two children and goodness did it make Hoseok feel good.

When the others reached them they both stood there with big smiles and holding wrist bands, all of them the kind that were used for those with fast passes.

Hoseok narrowed his eyes at them, but neither of them looked regretful about what they’d done. In fact, they both appeared way too smug.

“What did we say about you two buying everything before anyone gets a chance? It’s not allowed on this trip or any trip,” Beau said.

Yoongi and YN turned to each other and shrugged, then thrusted a wristband into everyone’s hands. Since it wasn’t their first time out with the two amusement park junkies they all knew to get the bands on quickly, as if their lives depended on it. Yoongi had once wrapped Jungkook’s so tight that it limited circulation in his hand and they had to get another.

No one wanted to repeat that.

Without missing a beat they walked towards the workers scanning people in, leaving the others to catch up. Both of them were several feet inside the park by the time the others caught up again. They stood perfectly still and took in the park. One could feel the excitement that radiated off them.

It took Taehyung clearing his throat multiple times before they turned to face the rest of the group. Though that only lasted for a second before they were focused on each other.

“We meet here in four hours?” YN asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Right here and then I kick your ass in everything.”

That made YN scoff but she refrained from any trash talk in retaliation, there was always enough of that during them playing the games. Besides her focus was on something else.

Off in the distance was a ride that was way too high and moved way too fast – by even her standards – but the expression on her face showed how much she wanted to try it. So, without a word to the others Hoseok walked forward, grabbed her hand, and headed towards it. Everyone else went their own way, except for Jungkook and Taehyung who followed behind them. Hoseok felt like he was going to be sick the whole way, but YN and Jungkook reassured him the whole time while Taehyung poked fun at him, though it was clear that was only to calm his own nerves.

Once on the thing they all were ready to shit themselves but pushed through and as the it reached the first drop. YN and Hoseok made eye contact for a second and there was a reassuring feeling that flowed through them, but the next thing they knew they were sailing through the air so quickly it took a moment for her to breathe properly again.

The entire ride there was no moment to relax or get used to it. Even knowing what was to come didn’t make it any easier to adjust.

It was exhilarating.

That feeling is why Taehyung and Hoseok ended up waiting as YN and Jungkook went on again. Neither of them wanted to relive that and the fast pass line wasn’t that long, so they just sat on a bench a few yards from where the line-up started.

“So, are you going to do it today?” Taehyung asked, his voice a bit strained.

At first Hoseok was confused by the question and then it dawned on him what he meant. A different kind of discomfort settled in him at the thought of saying yes and so he shook his head quickly.

“Definitely not,” he muttered.

Taehyung turned to look at him with a raised brow and confusion.

“I thought that was the plan? Get her all happy and then do it? Don’t tell me you’re chickening out?” he teased.

Hoseok reached over and lightly punched his shoulder, a soft – but nervous – laugh escaping his lips.

“I’m going to, just not today. I want to make sure she’s good first. I’d hate to do it while she’s still wrapped up in sadness. That would make the whole thing much more complicated than it already is.”

At that Taehyung shrugged and turned his attention back towards the ride. They sat in a comfortable silence watching it climb high and then drop, looping a few times before it climbed again. It was more nerve wrecking watching it move like that then being on it, but that didn’t mean that Hoseok wished he was on it instead. He never planned to get on that ride again if he could help it.

About twenty minutes or so passed before they both returned and then everyone was off to other rides. They were all their own level of terrifying, but as they ran from ride to ride Hoseok got used to the fear and thrill that came along with them. He’d even agreed to go on one twice, which made YN beyond happy. Especially since she could see the eagerness was genuine. As if him being the one to request they go again wasn’t clear enough.

They continued on like that for a while, though eventually Jungkook wanted to circle back to get on something they’d all said no to. He convinced Taehyung to go with him and then Hoseok and YN were traversing the park alone.

A few more rides after the departure of the others and Hoseok forced a stop for food. Which wasn’t a whole lot and less than Hoseok would’ve liked her to eat, but it was more than she’d had some of the days from weeks before. A win in his book.

Before they went to get on some more rides they stopped to get a dessert, which was ice cream wrapped in a crepe. The park hadn’t had it the last time they’d come to it and that made YN all the more eager to indulge. They reminded her of ones she’d had in Japan when she’d gone for six months to study in high school. They tasted like them too.

“I don’t know if I should get another one now or later when we’re about to leave,” she said.

Hoseok laughed as he watched her devour it.

“I think I saw a stand with it near the entrance so you can get it when we leave,” he offered.

Though she looked conflicted at first, she smiled and nodded after a bit. No matter how practiced she was at eating and getting on rides too much dairy was a mistake. Fifteen-year-old her learned that the hard way.

After food was consumed, they went on a few more rides and then headed back toward where they were to meet with fifteen minutes to spare. The walk was taken slowly and they intertwined fingers as they went.

It was a moment of peace among the chaos and when YN looked at Hoseok with one of the brightest smiles he’d seen in a while he felt near tears. She’d been so happy and never once did her expression falter or her body language shift negatively. There was so much freedom and joy radiating from her and despite his optimism he’d been scared she’d stay shrouded in darkness for forever. So to have that voice in his head silenced because she was there and existing outside of it was just the best thing to happen to him.

Everything wasn’t fixed, but it was better than nothing.

Yoongi was at the meeting point with an irritated Beau who held a large stuffed bear. Most would question why Beau looked that way, but by the shifting that Yoongi was doing and the wide smile it was clear that he’d challenged his boyfriend to a few games and then mercilessly beat him.

Upon seeing a smiling YN though Beau’s expression shifted to mimic the smile on her face and so did Yoongi’s for a moment. However, YN was in competition mode and when he noticed that he was as well.

Not a word was uttered between them as they left their significant others to head towards the games and neither of them said anything about it. They merely trailed behind them and watched as they tried to one up each other.

Who knows how much time passed or how many prizes were handed over to kids or anyone standing nearby before everyone was gathered together watching them. Though it was tiring to stand there and see them go on forever there was also this mutual contentment as they all looked on. It was as if they were all on the same wavelength with how nice it was to see either of them back to some sort of normalcy.

“Has she been like this all day?” Beau whispered.

Hoseok nodded, his eyes never leaving them.

“Yeah. She’s been so happy and carefree. I don’t think she’s thought about it once all this time. And it doesn’t feel like she’s faking it,” he said.

There was a nod from Beau in response and then all the focus was back on them.

YN being that happy that quickly wasn’t what Hoseok foresaw at all, but it was nice to see that the second part of what he planned worked out well. He only hoped that it was doing some actual, concrete good for her mentally and that the last part of everything would go as smoothly.

Four days into their trip YN decided that Hoseok was acting weird. Though weird was something normal for his behavior it was a different type. He was attentive and kind, but also drifted off into his own head a lot and didn’t put up a fight when asked to do something that wasn’t necessarily in his comfort zone. She hadn’t pushed his limits by any means and accepted no when he said it, but for the most he gave in without a second thought.

Of course, his efforts were appreciated greatly, but that was what worried her the most. She knew how down she’d been and how the call from her mother’s husband had changed her. It was clear as day to her how she was acting and she wished she could snap her fingers and stop, but that wasn’t possible. And since she knew that, so did Hoseok and that meant he’d ramped up on trying to keep her at the very least not actively sad. All his free time was spent trying to help and look after her. The trip was just another one of those things and though she jumped at the prospect of being away from home to enjoy herself – and had enjoyed herself – she feared him taking things a step too far to please her.

No matter her mental state there would be no excuse for any damage she could do to his if that was the case. So YN planned to talk to him about it one morning, but she was redirected by Yoongi to get ready. Apparently he wanted to take her out for the day, just the two of them. Something she happily agreed to on the compromise of her going to talk to Hoseok about a thing first, but that was shot down by being told he’d headed out a few minutes beforehand. Which meant she had no other choice but to do as she was told, but with a pout.

Despite her mopey mood she didn’t take long to get dressed. Mostly because when she’d entered the room she found a pair of shorts and one of her long sleeve tops laid out for her. Yoongi promptly informed her he didn’t want her taking forever so he’d done it for her. It wasn’t out of the norm since he’d done it many times throughout their lives because supposedly she moved too slow or always grabbed the one thing in her wardrobe he hated with a passion. After a while she learned to just let it happen.

Once ready to go Yoongi grabbed her hand and practically dragged her from the house. It took some begging and mild threats to get him to not hold her hand so tight and slow down. From there he was less aggressive, but still held her hand firmly in his. She was fine with that because it was a habit from childhood that they never grow out of. As long as his bony fingers didn’t dig into her hand or squeeze too tight she was fine.

During their walk they didn’t speak, which was fine. They both tended to be quiet people and silences were rarely awkward. Walking for ten minutes to the nearby cafe bookstore was nothing in the realm of how long they could be around each other and not utter a single word.

“I wanted us to relax before dinner later. You know they’re all going to get drunk and it’ll be a mess. So, some peace and quiet for now,” Yoongi said once they entered.

That made YN smile wide. Even without the reason she loved the idea of spending a few hours there.

“You sure it’s not because they let you take naps here whenever we come?” she teased.

Yoongi laughed. “That too. A peaceful nap.”

With that she nodded and finally removed her hand from his. She shooed him away to see if any good seats were open and then headed off to buy their drinks. All of her will was used not to stop and look at books that caught her eye as she walked to the counter. The man wanted a nap, but him waiting too long for his favorite hot chocolate wasn’t on the table. Plus, there was something about being inside the place that calmed her so much that she was a bit tired herself.

After she grabbed the hot chocolates she searched for him and was beyond happy to find him at the reclining chairs in a back corner. Not daring to destroy the nice atmosphere of the space she merely handed him his drink and plopped down into her own chair. Her body relaxed instantly. It was asking her to sleep, but she wanted to drink her hot chocolate first. That lasted maybe ten minutes before she and Yoongi drifted off.

Sometimes she didn’t remember how much having a good time and being happy could drain from a person, no matter how much sleep they got.

When they finally woke up, panic filled YN because she’d misread the clock as saying four hours had passed, but it was barely an hour. The darkness only exacerbated that, but she was thankful her eyes adjusted before she shook Yoongi awake.

Since she felt refreshed from the nap the urge to explore books overcame her again. Instead of ignoring it she left Yoongi to continue his napping and looked around the store.

A lot of what did interest her were things she had read, were on her to read list, or by someone who wasn’t the greatest person despite their excellent writing. The things she did find that didn’t fit into that were all so tempting and she wanted to get them all but knew better than to do that. Her to read list was long and she didn’t need a million more books. So, she settled on getting the top three and took pictures of the others to buy at a later date.

By the time she made her purchase Yoongi had woken up and joined her at the register. He appeared rested and much peppier than he had before, which made her happy to see.

“Should we head back now?” she asked.

He nodded and then they were holding hands and walking back to the beach house.

The silence on the way back didn’t exist. Yoongi asked about what books she’d gotten and some other book she’d gotten a while ago that he’d been interested in. She agreed to give it to him and just as they reached the house and she prepared to ask if he wanted the book’s sequel as well he stopped abruptly.

Confusion coloring her face YN turned her head to look at him and was met with a tense expression. However, before she could question it he spoke.

“You’re okay, right? Actually okay, not the fake okay?” he asked.

YN felt a pang in her heart and her eyes watered for a second, but she pushed that all down. She wouldn’t dare make him more worried than he’d already been, especially when there was nothing to worry about.

“I’m okay. In fact, I’m as close to content as I’ve been in a while,” she said.

His entire demeanor changed when she said the word content. It was a signal of sorts. Something that they’d both learned they wanted through therapy. Happiness was great but being content and not so much good or bad was always the goal. As long as they could reach contentment all would be fine.

Though relaxed he didn’t stop staring her down for a moment and then after a firm squeeze of her hand – that she returned – he started walking again.

Inside the house everyone was putting the finishing touches on the dinner they’d decided on for the evening. It was a night in, which meant cooking and Jungkook had said that meant it needed to be an extra meal. So, him, Jin, Jimin, and Namjoon had spent a lot of time getting everything prepped and cooked. YN had wanted to help and even offered once Yoongi and her returned, but they were done and shooed her out to the patio so they could bring the food out.

Hoseok, who she’d seen maybe twice that whole day, pulled her down onto the seat next to him and immediately moved in for a kiss. That elicited some gagging from Beau which was met with a middle finger from both Hoseok and YN all without pulling away from each other.

They did part when the first of many dishes were placed on the table though. And without hesitation – once everyone was seated and Jin gave his go ahead – they began grabbing the things they wanted or moving them in range.

There was just so much. They’d made kimchi stew, bulgogi, pork ribs, fried rice, curry, and braised chicken. And of course, enough white rice that would satisfy even YN.

Bloated wasn’t even the word that truly captured how YN felt by the end of it all. Though happy was definitely a descriptor. They’d eaten, talked, and down alcohol. Jokes and stories were told, laughed about, and denied with intense vigor all around. It was a peaceful moment despite the chaos and watching her family just be together always filled her with such joy.

She could stay like that forever, but of course that was a no.

About thirty minutes after she’d had her last bite Hoseok suggested they go on a walk while they waited for the others to return with the chosen dessert. No was on the tip of her tongue, but he reminded her walking could help her feel better. Plus, he had a look in his eye that reminded her that she’d wanted to talk to him about something before.

So, they kicked off their shoes and headed down the beach. Hoseok laced their fingers together and led her away from the house. At first they said nothing, but then at the exact same time they spoke.

“YN-”

“Can we talk-”

They both paused and looked at each other with wide eyes before descending into laughter. It took a moment or two, but they collected themselves soon enough and continued their trek.

“You first,” he said.

YN nodded. “I want to thank you for all of this. It was what I needed and I’m so happy to have all this time with you and everyone else. Being with the people I loved most and who love me. Having fun that I haven’t had in a while. Having moments where I feel content, even if it’s fleeting. I haven’t had a bad day for the last few days and I haven’t even thought about anything really. And even if I did it was such a fleeting moment that I only barely remember it happened at all.”

“But?” Hoseok said when she paused.

“But I worry about taking advantage of all of you. I know that I’m not and everyone is happy to be here for a good time and to offer all the support in the world. I know that that feeling is for naught. But I realized how much you’ve given into me the last few days and it makes me feel like I may be crossing a line. You’ve had to deal with me being distraught and not myself for weeks. Never able to escape that unless out at work or I’m with someone else. And then you plan this and you give into my every whim. You do things that I know make you uncomfortable. Even if I’m not pushing you on certain things and I know I’m not crossing any hard lines it still feels wrong. And I’m sorry about that,” she said.

That ended in them coming to an abrupt stop. Hoseok released her hand and moved to stand in front of her, his hands moving to cup her face.

“Baby, you don’t have to worry about any of that. You have not crossed a line or made me do anything I didn’t choose to do. I’m fine. Did I agree to a few things that scare me or make me cautious? Yes. Did I do them partly because they made you happy? Yes. But like I said, it was my choice. I wanted to try them and that was an extra incentive. Seeing you smile or be in the moment was the greatest incentive in the world. I wouldn’t change doing those things. And I know you’re worried about what all this or your behavior could have done to my mental health, but I’m good there too. It hurt me to see you like that, but I processed that in therapy. Dr. Seo was more than willing to take me in more than once a month to process all this. I swear to you I’m fine.”

There was clear uncertainty in her eyes despite what he said. Hoseok could see it and though he wished she’d just believe him he knew that wasn’t how the mind worked. Sometimes things took a while to process or a little more assurance needed to be given.

After taking a deep breath he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, one she returned without hesitation. When he pulled away one of his hands slipped from her face as their foreheads pressed together.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”

The next few moments happened in a weird space where everything moved too fast and too slow. Hoseok’s other hand moved from her face and he pulled away from her, but before anything could be said or done on her end he was down on one knee with a ring in his hand.

YN had no time to process it before he started talking.

“This week was about making you feel even an ounce of happiness, but it was also about finding the right time to ask you. YN you know I love you with my entire being. How you love yourself, me, and our little family brings me such joy. How you live to be the best you and know that you’re not always going to get it right. How you know yourself enough to know how to handle your problems. You realize how off you’re being and take the time to self-assess, not just because of you but because of me. So you’re not doing anything that could affect me. That could lead to unintentional behavior that could harm me. You grow so much all the time and it feels impossible for you to put forth any more effort than you already do.

“You just make me feel so happy. Doesn’t matter if it’s from watching you be that way, you making me feel that way, or the reminder that I can be happy on my own despite you. That I can stand alone in happiness that doesn’t revolve around you or anyone else. Something I struggled with so much before. You’ve helped so much by just being you. And though I know that we have cemented our relationship already, I still want to do this. It would truly be the best thing in the world if you married me, baby.”

YN had worked through the initial shock and was much calmer than when he’d started talking. Her brain fought to keep up with the words and her heart soared as she took them in. It’s why she didn’t hesitate in responding with a yes.

Without missing a beat Hoseok slipped the ring on her finger and rose onto his feet. He pulled her into a tight hug and whispered ‘I love you’ over and over. In the distance there were cheers from their friends who had watched on from the back patio. She hadn’t even realized they’d turned and walked back towards the house once she’d started talking. But that didn’t matter at all. At least not in that moment.

The calm that she felt mattered. The excitement she felt mattered. The content feeling that washed over her mattered.