#and this guy is going off far less detailed records than modern police have and he still gave a pretty detailed profile

[navree]

criminal minds is a bit weird in how it presents profiling because, like, the stuff they do is based on real profiling, but they're always so much more vague than real profiling is

[stillness-in-green]

MVA In Memoriam (3/5)

The Comprehensive Account of the Butchering of My Villain Academia

(Introduction and Part One, Episode 108: My Villain Academia) (Part Two, Episode 109: Revival Party)

Part Three, Episode 110: Sad Man's Parade

Chapter 229 – All It Takes Is One Bad Day

• The full first page, of Jin getting mobbed by Puppet!Jins, them tearing his mask off, and flinging it and then him away. Saved them a bit of budget, I suppose, but it’s a shame to lose the drama and the violence of Twice having his mask pulled away, since it’s decent foreshadowing (indeed, possibly intentionally so, on Skeptic’s part) for the violent bewilderment he’ll be subject to shortly.

• Re-Destro’s line, “Not when he’s using his meta-ability to puppeteer, unless you want another nagging lecture.” They didn’t keep the first nagging lecture, so of course they wouldn’t keep this. I’m still annoyed, both on general principle and at the loss of RD’s implication that these nagging lectures are a regular occurrence, especially if one tries to bother Skeptic when he’s using his meta-ability. Has RD himself been on the receiving end of one? Possibly so! But you’d be less likely to think so just from the anime.

• Re-Destro’s line, “This allowed our warriors to momentarily hold back and stay out of danger.” Because why would the audience need to know that Skeptic planned for and Re-Destro cares enough to observe something like that lol?? Obviously the MLA is perfectly content to just throw their peoples’ lives away because, whatever, more where that came from! Dammit, anime, the fandom believes this enough as it is without confirmation bias from your cuts!

• Skeptic’s “fufufu” laugh, because the anime is allergic to the MLA having fun.

• The police officer’s line, “Sure, but in a case like this, you’re still to blame.” The rest of the exchange hints at it, of course, but there’s a horrifying callousness to a police officer just saying straight to the face of a teenaged orphan facing his first offense, “Yes, you were obeying the law perfectly and this guy just ran out in front of you, but it’s going on your criminal record anyway, whatever.” A weight the anime lost, and another that makes me very suspicious of the patterns behind what, precisely, was put on the chopping block.[1]

• Jin’s narration, “That police officer couldn’t have known. Me neither.” Demonstrates that Jin doesn’t really hold his fall against the one policeman. It’s a consistent thread with Jin’s character that, while he’s very jaded, he’s not actually vengeful, nor is he looking to enact systemic change. While he’s very defensive of his friends, people who hurt Jin himself are never in any real danger of him coming to collect his pound of flesh in return; he just rolls with it as part of how the world works, in the way of someone who was never given reason to believe any different. This line is a good example of that.

• From Jin’s old employer’s angry rant, deletes the note that the client that called is angry, and that the client said, “That young punk of yours did this!” It’s nothing that wasn’t obvious from the rest of the conversation, but I do I think cutting it loses a sense that this guy is just unloading all of his frustration and fear on Jin. The length of the screed, the extra details—it clearly communicates that Jin’s boss is so angry and upset he’s not paying any real mind to filtering, but just recounting every point of contention the moment they come into his mind.

• In modern society, when you’re someone without roots… Well, not a lot of people can relate to that.” It isn’t just the police that failed Jin; it’s a whole society that’s distrustful of people who don’t have a place in the fabric, and thus are unwilling to try and bring them into it. Like Tenko, there are a thousand little places where someone could have reached out a hand, but no one ever did. The audience can intuit this, but I feel it’s better to be clear about it—it’s not just the legal system that screwed Jin over; it’s every other person that never tried to help him because they were afraid of his eyes or distrusted a guy who had no connections. When Shigaraki comes, he’s not going to be coming for heroes alone; he’ll be coming for this entire tapestry of indifference and timidity.

• Skeptic’s lines, “Hrm? Fighting back? I was sure he’d either flee or cower in place... We didn’t anticipate such unity between them.” This gets at two things. Firstly, and once again, that the MLA did their research; that they came into this with educated expectations and a definite plan. Secondly, an in-character observation of what the arc has been showing the audience all along: that the League isn’t just a disparate gang of hoodlums anymore; that they’re developing real bonds. Those bonds mark them as unusual—Re-Destro comments on it in 223, as did Overhaul in 147; even Mr. Compress remarks disapprovingly on Twice’s “habit” of getting overly attached to people. It’s striking that, even though the MLA knew from Giran’s records that the League was uncommonly well-bonded, Twice’s devotion still fell outside Skeptic’s parameters.[2]

• Again Skeptic’s line, “Now his legs.” The drones don’t actually get this far (though you can see them gearing up for it on the next page), so it’s a reasonable enough cut, but it does emphasize the ludicrous, over-the-top extremes Skeptic in particular is willing to go to in securing what he wants. If, you know, “Kidnap the doubler so we have a method to make copies of the Grand Commander at our leisure,” wasn’t bonkers enough.

• Twice’s line, “Even against Gigantomachia!” It really highlights just how much mental energy Twice has been dedicating to avoiding injury, that he was able to keep it in mind even fighting a foe as overwhelming, and for as extended a period, as Machia. And like, the anime blitzed over the Machia fight so quickly, and with so little visible wear and tear to the League, that it really could have used all the reminders it could find room for about how intense those six weeks were.

• Twice’s line, “I won’t watch a friend die!” Such an important line that the composer named an entire track for it, not that the anime gave us that track in the moment it was clearly scored for. They added in a new line later in the scene which mostly gets the important sentiments back in, but loses out in being slightly less fitting to his breakthrough. See the Additions portion of the write-up on Chapter 230, following.

Framing Shifts

• The policeman in Jin’s flashback looked up at him in the anime, where in the manga, his eyes stay down on his paperwork the entire time. I realize that anime can’t just still-frame every panel of a manga and call it an adaptation,[3] so characters will do things like move and look around in different directions just in the course of inhabiting a room, Still, in this case, it has the effect of making the officer look more alert and engaged than he was in the manga, and given that this whole chunk of backstory is about Jin slipping through the social safety net, it feels appropriate to me that the officer should be completely checked out.

Additions

• A new shot of Jin(s) in his pre-massacre doppelganger army days. Didn’t tell us anything we don’t already know—it’s little more than a new angle of the gang in the truck—but it was nice to see.

Bonus Note

• They left Re-Destro’s phrase, “My company,” alone when he was talking about the micro-transceivers Skeptic was using. That’s accurate to the manga, but I’d like to remind everyone that, at that point in the anime, viewers whose only reference is the anime itself have no idea that Re-Destro is a businessman. The show skipped the commercial, RD’s intro, the dinner scene where his company comes up, and Giran’s association of RD with Detnerat; it will further go on to skip Shigaraki recognizing him from the commercial. The news report mentioning Detnerat was ten full episodes prior to Episode 110, and was followed up on in not the faintest degree. For heaven’s sake, would it have been so hard to have Hirata Hiroaki say, “My Detnerat’s,” instead of just, “My company’s”?

Chapter 230 – Sad Man’s Parade

• Deleted the MLA members that are attacking Compress as they get pushed off by the Twice wave. Not the first time, and not the last, that the anime didn’t animate the random MLA people on the street. It’s hard to take the threat of their numbers seriously when the anime kept deleting them from what are supposed to be crowd scenes, you know?

• Mr. C thinking worriedly about Dabi as he’s mulling over Geten’s strength and disregard for catching his own people in the collateral damage. It’s just a, “Dabi—!” but it’s yet another tiny cut that shaves away at the manga’s clear depiction of Leagues’ concern for one another—even Mr. Compress, who claims that such things aren’t very villainous.

Framing Shifts

• Changed the random MLA’s exhortation to kill all the Twices to a generic, “Damn—!” I know American censors have often taken issue with the words “Kill” and “Die” in kids’ cartoons, but I was never of the impression that that was the case in Japan. And it’s not like the show made any bones about Curious planning to kill Toga. A rephrase to save a second and a half on dialogue, maybe?

• Had Skeptic give his lines about failure on the way over to the elevator instead of stalking over in silence, and then dumping the whole monologue all at once. The manga’s extended silence over three identically sized panels is much funnier and more characterful. I grow ever more confident in my assessment of Skeptic as the second-most ill-treated MLA character in this adaptation.

• The return of the Doom Choirs for the Twice Parade. I really wish the anime would lay off slathering Doom Choirs all over everything, especially a moment like this: a triumph for Twice, and, true to form for Twice, also crammed to the gills with visual and verbal gags. The Doom Choir is out of keeping with both the victory and the comedy—Mine Woman, later on, served the Parade much better.

Additions

• Gave Twice a new line, “I will protect my comrades!” It was nice to make up for his, “I won’t watch a friend die!” but the latter is more characterful, especially since a more literal translation is, “I won’t kill my friends!” Which is, you know, relevant to the fact that Twice has problems telling himself apart from things that just look like him, and he just had to intervene to stop some of those look-alikes from killing one of said friends. At least it got his use of nakama back in.[4]

• A new little cut of animation as the action went back to Geten and Dabi. I suppose the Dabi fans liked it, and it was nice to see more of Geten’s ice dragon, but I’d have much preferred they could keep the scenes we already have before adding new ones.

Chapter 231 – Path

The scene of Hawks wondering why he hasn’t heard from Dabi and his subsequent flashback to the last time they spoke were relocated to the beginning of Episode 102, the first thing the audience saw after the prior episode ended with Shouto inviting Bakugou and Deku to come intern with him at Endeavor’s. In the manga, of course, it’s not “a few weeks ago in Kyushu,” it’s “meanwhile in Osaka.” Also, the order of the scenes was flipped—the episode led with the flashback, then returned to the modern day. It really makes the timeline needlessly confusing—the viewer has no real context for what we’re seeing and when, especially since the anime neglected to specify how much time passed between the two scenes. You have to assume it was enough time for an outcry to be raised over Jeanist’s disappearance, but the random shot of a bird flying over was not at all helpful there.

          Alterations included (as usual, outright removed material is in bold text):

          1. Cut Hawks’ thought, “That’s why you keep calling,” and his line, “What’s the job?” I know I should give a breakdown here about Hawks’ mentality and training, but I’m afraid I don’t have it in me to complain about any lines Takami Keigo loses. God knows the anime gives him plenty enough bonus material.

          2. Spliced in the flashback scene of Hawks reporting to the Commission from Chapter 243, but subtly changed it to suggest that it took place after the phonecall in which Dabi demanded Hawks kill a non-Endeavor top hero, rather than it taking place right after Hawks and Dabi’s first contact, which is what the manga implies.

          3. Deleted several key shots in the Jeanist apartment scene, with the effect of making Hawks way less creepy. We got an anime-original shot of his eyes, narrow and serious, but not either of the shots of his big, off-putting grin and widened eyes as he pulls a feather-blade on Jeanist. We also lost a shot of Jeanist turning to face him, framed between extended primaries of Hawks’ Fierce Wings. It’s not like the anime dropped the fake!Dead Jeanist plot, so I’m not sure why the shift, unless it’s just that they wanted to keep Hawks likable for the merch-buying crowd, not creepy and unsettling. And while I personally never believed that Hawks really killed Jeanist, a lot of people thought it was plausible, no doubt based on how off-kilter he comes across in this scene. It loses a real frisson, to just play it straight.

• Shigaraki decaying a missile in mid-air. So Dabi can get those little animation flourishes but Tomura can’t, huh, anime? I see how it is. I. See. How. It. Is.

• Spinner’s little side comment about all the ice everywhere. A nice demonstration that Geten and Dabi’s fight really is affecting huge swathes of the city; that’s certainly apparent already in a bunch of the wide shots showing exactly that, but it’s helpful to have the more zoomed-in moments, too. Also, I do enjoy those little side quips wherever we get them, and the anime often removes them.

• Thinned out the crowd guarding the route to the tower somewhat (it’s particularly noticeable on the mid-distance rooftops) and, as best I can tell, removed Shigaraki and Spinner from the shot. Why keep all the lines harping on the 110,000 number when a) it’s not even accurate to the MLA’s forces, just the League’s assumptions, and b) the studio doesn’t even have the resources to adequately convey the numbers the manga does portray?

• Somebody in the crowd being defiant about Twice’s multiplication and vigorously declaring that the League are all just sacrifices for the MLA’s Revival Party anyway. The background nobodies? Allowed to express even bog-standard over-confidence? Well I never. How dare those people think their lives count enough for them to get dialogue.

• Spinner’s, “This keeps happening!” Of course he couldn’t have that line in the anime, since the anime cut the other big place Trumpet clearly used his power to rile up his followers. What other times were you even talking about when you said, “Every time he talks,” Anime!Spinner? That scene was the first time we even saw Trumpet since he welcomed you guys to town.

• Twice calling Re-Destro a cult leader. He just called him a damn moron (bakayarou) in the anime; he uses the considerably more specific baka kyouso (Google Translate gives “guru”; jisho gives “founder of a religious sect”). He uses the same term again immediately afterward—Viz’s translation gives, “More like chrome dome cult!”—which the anime also deleted.

          So here’s another example of the anime doing everything it could to erase the presence of cults in the HeroAca world. The easy assumption to make is that this was tied to broadcast standards about the depiction of what Japan refers to as “new religious movements,” which—and pardon the brief swerve into real life historical horrors here—have been very unpopular in Japan since Aum Shinrikyo and the sarin gas attacks in 1995. But were these elements removed because the anime didn’t want to represent anything that smacks of new religious movements at all, or because the depiction of both the MLA and particularly the CRC are explicitly villainous and calling religious movements, even made-up ones, evil on TV leads to a lot of angry phone calls?

• Re-Destro’s line, “Unlike my good Miyashita, there’s nothing charming about you.” Of course they’d cut this, having cut the Miyashita scene, but I hate it anyway. As I said earlier, RD’s invocation of Miyashita in front of two people who are going to have not the slightest clue who that is tells me that Re-Destro really does miss and feel bad about killing the guy. Cutting the reminder that RD still feels that sting makes it much too easy to assume that Shigaraki’s right about RD hiding up in his tower, uncaring of the blood shed on his behalf, when if you read Re-Destro with even the slightest of attempts at good faith, it’s clear that those losses weigh very heavily on him.

          Incidentally, and not to harp on the art again, but in the manga, Stress is still visibly spread down from RD’s temple to the ridge of his brow over his eye socket. The anime returned it back to its normal resting state, again suggesting that the death toll mounting in the streets below (as well as, possibly, the new stress of confronting a quirk as powerful as Double) left RD completely unmoved. The spread was back in the following shot, so it was probably just an art error, but it would be nice to have had fewer of those, especially when they impact characterization as much as what RD’s Stress blots are doing at any given time.

Framing Shifts

• Had Machia doing this weird cannonball skim just over the ground, when in the manga, he’s still half-buried, spraying earth and stone everywhere. The manga never namedrops Machia’s Mole quirk during the story itself, but it’s important to know for later that Machia can not only tear through obstacles, he can tear through obstacles extremely quickly.

Additions

• Gave Hawks a few new lines about how too many unexpected things happened for their last arrangement, and that Dabi should have given him more warning. Largely seemed to be there to give the anime an excuse to flashback to the High End fight, in case the viewers had completely forgotten about Hawks and Dabi having a clandestine meeting and sniping at each other in the aftermath of that event. An understandable addition, but deeply frustrating in the context of all the lines that got cut.

Chapter 232 – Meta Abilities and Quirks

• Dropped a third instance of Twice calling Re-Destro a cult leader. I don’t know what the S&P restriction is on this, but given that the movie was allowed to create and villainize an entire international terrorist cult, it is really incomprehensible that the MLA doesn’t get to keep their designation as such. Why?? Because the movie involves going out and defeating its cult, but the series is going to engage in a more sympathetic treatment?[5] Because the self-selecting movie crowd is less likely to complain than the TV audience? Did they just not want to draw attention to how much the movie was ripping off the MLA’s whole shtick? What??

• Missed that RD’s swole arm swipe wipes out the puppets Skeptic left behind; they just vanished from the scene entirely after Twice’s arrival. It’s hard to blame the anime for this; the manga also seems to lose track of the fact that they’re right there in between RD and the elevator—they’re nowhere to be seen anywhere between the end of Chapter 231 and the aforementioned arm swipe, where you can see them getting obliterated. Both versions could have stood to be more attentive to this; indeed, the anime could have fixed it, small error though it is.

• A sort of twitchy sparking around Shigaraki’s hand right after he decays the tower. This is foreshadowing that Shigaraki’s big AOE decay attacks are hard on his body, which will become extremely apparent after he unleashes it on the city at large during the climax, and factors into his decision to accept the mysterious power Ujiko offers. The damage Shigaraki sustains there doesn’t come out of nowhere; Horikoshi is, on the whole, extremely good at layering in foreshadowing many chapters before the foreshadowed elements come fully to light. It makes the writing look much messier than it actually is—more convenient, more pat—to delete this stuff.

• Shigaraki recognizing RD from the Detnerat commercials. Well, they ditched the Detnerat commercial, so of course they ditched this. Still, it lost one of the indicators that Shigaraki is, despite not receiving a formal education, actually quite up to speed on current events—even, apparently, when those current events are happening while he’s been fighting Machia in an isolated stretch of mountains for six weeks! I already suffer enough through fanon characterizations of Shigaraki in which he’s a basement-dwelling feral manchild glued to his gaming console whom AFO bans from accessing information about the outside world, anime! I don’t need you dropping the scenes that most clearly demonstrate otherwise!!

• In the anime, Baby!Chikara’s face was unmarked, just a normal infant face—you’d never even know the kid had a meta-ability just to look at him. In the manga, the skin of his face is clearly darker, contrasted against the paleness of his mother’s hand. It’s obvious that he’s not “normal” looking, and thus equally obviously would have attracted negative attention in his era.[6] Also had his mother smiling; her face in the manga is too shadowed and vague to make out an expression, befitting the murky tragedy of her story and the fear she must have been living with.

Framing Shifts

Additions

• A little thing: they had Twice echo, “Cushion?” when Clone!Shigaraki told him to get ready to cushion Giran’s fall. If anything, Re-Destro and his little thought-bubbled question mark is probably the one who should have had this reaction line.

• Added a visual for Clone-araki catching himself on the window. A perfectly reasonable way to fill screen time while a dialogue beat was ongoing.

• Added a panning still over a reaction shot from a bunch of Twice clones when the tower came down. It had a few good faces in it.

                                                           ---

So, generally, this episode was better. I definitely still had issues with it, but compared to what came before, when they were trying to cram 5+ chapters into the episodes, there were far fewer cuts, and what cuts and tweaks there were, were relatively minor. Definitely nothing that made me want to throw chairs Jerry Springer-style the way 108 and 109 did.

Sadly, I can't say the same for the remaining two episodes. Come back next time for Part Four, Episode 111: Shimura Tenko, Origin.

FOOTNOTES

[1] After witnessing the massacre that was Episode 108, I was convinced they were going to cut the policeman scene entirely, and just go right to Jin getting fired for hitting someone with his bike, letting the audience think it was his fault completely rather than cast aspersions on police and the justness of the law. I was pleased they kept it at all, but less pleased with the steps taken to soften the sharpness of its accusation.

[2] Of course, it’s not like the MLA themselves don’t understand the willingness to give everything for the people who matter. They just label those feelings Devotion To The Cause, and don’t think the League is capable of such resolution.

[3] Netflix’s Way of the House Husband, be told.

[4] Nakama is, of course, a shonen standby, but, to the best of my knowledge (which is admittedly limited; I don’t follow a lot of shounen series), it’s pretty rare to hear the word coming out of a villain’s mouth! Jin calling the League his nakama ties into how the League are both sympathetic villains in the larger story and also the protagonists of the current arc, thereby operating under a lot of protag tropes for the duration—foreshadowed by Spinner’s earlier talk of Shigaraki and his boyish, dream-chasing eyes.

[5] Sometime after the mass arrests, one hopes.

[6] This could well be a coloring error in the manga, but if so, you’d think they’d have corrected it for the volume release. Especially given that, again, the color is in a different shade/screentone than the shadow that covers most of his mother’s face, and her hand stroking Chikara’s chin isn’t shadowed at all.

[mercurryblack]

Chapter 10: Hattie

The night is but young.

❃❃❃

“Are you done yet? Are you done yet?” Hattie asked, squirming as she repeated her question for what seemed like the thousandth time.

“For the thousandth time, no, I’m not done yet. Stupid three thousand word count.” Cait groaned, slouched over their desk. “I swear, the day I graduate, I’m gonna kick Professor Rook square in the junk… boring old bastard… ”

“Sorry, time’s getting away from me.” Hattie apologized. “You’re still using that trick I told you about?”

Cait shrugged. “Even if I don’t count it as I go, it still feels like I’m never gonna finish it.”

The two had been spending the entire evening in their dorm room; Cait had been working on their assignment since the moment the Armilde sisters had left, and Hattie had been trying to keep herself busy by dusting, staring outside, dusting again, and even going as far as to read a lesson they hadn’t yet covered in class.

Tossing the Modern Remnant History textbook to her side, Hattie fell back on her bed spread-eagled, disappointed at the evening so far. She regretted how she had never really fostered a social life outside of Haven Academy— or much less her team, for that matter.

She had grown up as a ward of the underground Sisterhood, mostly keeping to herself and her small collection of fairytale books back then. Having dwelled for so long down in the habitable mine tunnels that the Sisterhood called home, she had recently found herself wanting to explore the world outside more often, if only to make up for lost time.

Those extracurricular lessons with Professor Gormlaith don’t count, she mentally noted.

Hattie didn’t have many friends, either— ironically, the happy-go-lucky girl could be a lot more introverted than extroverted at times. She knew a few students in their year by name, but not enough to warrant anything closer than a “hello” in the hallways. Plus, she didn’t find it to be much fun going out without her friends, which essentially consisted of LLAC and pretty much nobody else.

Well, there is CMYK, she thought to herself, remembering the team of now-second-years that they had tutored in the previous semester. I bet ol’ Mallow or Kara would have been free at this hour… but they’re all over in Vale helping with the set-up for the Vytal Festival, lucky dogs.

And since Lillian and Amaryllis were out doing their own things, she was left cooped up with Cait, who had been taking their time in writing an essay she had already finished.

“…Don’t you have anywhere else to go, Hattie?” Cait asked, glancing over their shoulder.

Hattie turned, wilting slightly as she did. “Should I leave you alone?”

“Nah, it’s not that.” Cait replied. “I just don’t want you to feel stuck here with me, y’know? You could go if you wanted to.”

Hattie shrugged. “Yeah, but I don’t really wanna. I’d prefer to wait for you rather than leave by myself.”

“Fair. Are we going somewhere after I’m done, anyways?” Cait said, turning back to their writing.

“I don’t know. I mean, Ammy said we can come down to her boyfriend’s family’s charity event, but it sounds kinda formal.” Hattie said, then shook her head. “I’m not in the mood for formal tonight.”

“So you don’t have a plan for this evening?” Cait inquired.

“I was kinda hoping you had that part sorted out,” she said with a lopsided smile. Having hung out with them the most, Hattie had always left the ideas up to Cait— they did always know where to go for a fun time. Also, she tended to worry that she’d make a big plan and it would turn out to be a flop.

Lost for any follow-up, she wondered aloud, “What do you think Detective Yuen and the old guys are up to now?”

“Probably living their nice and worry-free adult life.” Cait said sarcastically.

“Do you think we should give them a call? You know, check up on them?”

“Nah. I’m sure they’re doing fine on their own for one night.”

Hattie grabbed her Scroll from the far edge of her bed and waved at Cait, sticking out her tongue. “I’m gonna do it anyways! What if they’ve finally found the bad guys or something?”

Cait rolled their eyes. “Whatever you say…”

***

Sardion paced back and forth in Yuen’s office, his gaze fixed on the vinyl floor. The day had been yet another bust— Rudyard had hung back at Yaara’s house, while Sardion and Yuen, with little else to do, had returned to the precinct.

“I’m just saying, don’t you think we should give LLAC a call?” Yuen suggested. “They’re part of this investigation too, and we could really use some help right now. Plus, they might see something we’ve overlooked.”

“They’re having a night off, Yuen. I’m sure they have better things to do.” Sardion replied. “You don’t want to tire the young’uns out before they even graduate, right?”

“Maybe.” Yuen sighed. “Hear anything from Rudyard?” 

“Not yet, but he said he’d call if he found anything to go on.”

***

Rudyard stared up to the inky heavens, taking in the starry night sky from Yaara’s old lawn chair, a half-empty bottle of beer loosely grasped in his fingertips.

In the backyard of her humble home, the Huntress had cultivated a small flower garden. In the back of his mind, Rudyard reflected on the visits he had paid her, how she had meticulously tended to them every day; thoroughly watering them, rooting out any weeds, gently humming while she kept her garden impeccable.

Now, seeing as their owner had been dead for a week, the garden had slowly begun to die as well. The bright petals and leaves of the flowers had begun to fade and wilt from a lack of water, and weeds had taken over a small patch of dandelions.

Rudyard rose to pick up a rusty old watering can on the back veranda, then filled it up with a nearby hose. As he let the water trickle down onto the garden’s parched soil, he let out a long sigh— after all she had done for him, it was the least he could do. Eventually emptying the can, he opted to go back inside, as the night air started to grow colder.

Searching for a spot where the police hadn’t tagged or taped anything of interest, he made himself comfortable in a reclining chair in her personal study. Looking around, a single book lying on her desk caught his eye, the tip of a torn sheaf of paper stuck in the pages halfway through. The title on the cover read Eternal Blue Sky, luminescent gold font on a pastel blue background.

“Of course.” Rudyard chuckled to himself. “You would have hated this, Yaara, leaving a book unfinished.” Absentmindedly, he picked up the book and opened it up to the bookmarked page.

He paused.

Written on the scrap of paper in what was unmistakably Yaara’s handwriting was a short message; 1100 apr 23 for further details - stored on hosaki comm log 1138.

“April…?” Rudyard muttered, squinting at the writing. He remembered that April 21st had been the starting date of the last mission on her and Berilo’s record, and it had been marked as remaining within city limits.

He had never heard of a place called “Hosaki” anywhere in Mistral City.

Frowning, he tucked the sheaf of paper into his pocket and rose from the chair, reaching into his pocket. “Wonder what Yuen’ll make of this.”

He paused, fingers fumbling inside an empty pocket.

“…Where’d I put my Scroll?”

***

“Do you know of any other places they might have escaped to?” Sardion asked as he took a closer look at the map of Mistral spread over Yuen’s desk, doing his best to focus despite his inner restlessness slowly clouding his mind.

“Besides the forest, nothing, and if that’s the case then they’re likely long gone by now.” Yuen said, leaning back in her chair. “Maybe the Manju-Shage District, but I doubt it. The whole thing’s cordoned off by a tripwired security fence. There’s no way someone could’ve broken in without us knowing about it.” She continued, tapping her fingers against the armrests in mild frustration.

“Well, maybe they could’ve snuck in, if they had the right Semblance for the job. At this point, I’m ready to try anything if it means we might find a lead,” Sardion paused, sharply exhaling, “Any step we take, no matter how small, is at least a bit closer to the whoever’s behind this.”

“True.” Yuen said, glancing up at him. “After all, there’ve been times that thugs occasionally get the great idea to break in and squat there, to lay low or whatever… you want to check it out, just in case?”

“Might as well. I’ve already got my weapon on me.” Sardion shrugged. “I’ll call up Rudyard first, see if he’s up for it.” He pulled out his Scroll and sent a call to Rudyard’s contact.

Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz. A small buzzing hum came from beneath a stack of papers on the right of Yuen’s desk. The Huntsman and the detective exchanged confused looks, before realizing what was making the noise.

“Oh, for the love of…” Sardion muttered, sticking his hand underneath the stack and pulling out a Scroll— Rudyard’s own. “Perfect time to forget this, you freakin’ cueball…” He stuck his Scroll back in his jacket and tossed Rudyard’s onto Yuen’s desk.

“Okay, well, that’s a bust… like I said before, we could call up LLAC.” Yuen suggested.

Sardion was inclined to disagree with her, given that it had been the students’ night off— calling them in for duty at such an hour wouldn’t be the most gracious move. However, he figured that they’d best bring some backup, if only to cover more ground if nothing else.

“Alright, go for it.” he said.

Yuen took out her Scroll and pulled up Lillian’s contact. “Here goes. Hope for the best.”

***

“Why do I always have to be the one to make the food?” Rosario asked, swinging her now-empty basket from one hand as she walked alongside Lillian down the cliffside path.

“You’re a great cook, and I can’t even season my food correctly.” Lillian replied. “Do you remember the last time when I tried to make instant ramen unsupervised?”

“Point.” Rosario said. “You did literally set a pot of water on fire. I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty certain that violates every law of thermodynamics that there is.”

Lillian nodded. “See?”

“Riiiight.” Rosario drawled. “Imagine what adult life would be like. Every night, it’ll just be me greeting you, ‘Welcome home, mi amor! What do you want first? Dinner? A bath? Me?’ And then you’ll go, ‘I’ll have you for dinner in the bath!’”

“I know you’re trying to make fun of me, but you’re drooling, Rosario.” Lillian said, giving her girlfriend a flat stare.

Rosario flushed red, wiping the corner of her mouth. “I am not.”

Lillian snorted.

***

“Damnit, her Scroll’s turned off.” Yuen groaned. “Her sister’s offline as well.”

“Thought so. They have private lives too, you know.” Sardion shrugged, slinging his coat over his shoulders. “C’mon, might as well see if any airships are available and just get this over with.”

Yuen rose from her chair. “Fine. I’ll leave them a message if we do find anything.” Just as she was about to follow Sardion out, her Scroll suddenly vibrated in her coat.

The profile picture that displayed the caller wasn’t Lillian— rather, it was the Lazuli kid calling her.

It’s something, I guess. Yuen thought to herself, swiping to accept the call.

“…Hey, Detective Yuen.” Hattie chirped up on the other end.” How’s it going? It’s Hattie from, uh, Team LLAC. Uhm, we just wanted to check in, and—” She continued, stumbling slightly over her words.

“As a matter of fact, I’m glad you called.” Yuen replied. “Listen, Sardion and I are going to investigate a possible lead down in the old Manju-Shage District, and your help would be very much appreciated.” She hesitated before continuing. “That is, if you’re not already preoccupied.”

***

On the other end of the line, Hattie’s face lit up as she heard Yuen’s invitation. For the moment, she managed to suppress the urge to whoop and cheer out of deference to the still-working Cait. “Nononono, no problem. We’ll be there right away, Detective,” she said, struggling to contain her excitement as she ended the call.

It took her a few seconds before she was able to produce words, since all that was coming out of her mouth were muffled joyful squeaks. “…Cait?”

“Gimme a sec.” Cait replied, holding up a finger.

Hattie paused, her smile falling slightly.

“Cait.” she repeated, her tone becoming  normal.

“Wait, I’m almost done.” Cait said, focused on their computer’s monitor.

“Cait!” Hattie repeated for a third time, her voice rising slightly as she grew irked by their dismissal.

“I said wait, Hattie.” Cait said, still not turning around. “…’Make sure to provide footnotes along with citations’? Aw, what the hell’s the point of that?” they muttered to themself as they reviewed their essay.

Hattie scowled darkly, thoroughly annoyed at the brush-off. After a moment, she tiptoed up next to her teammate’s shoulder and leaned in towards their ear as close as possible.

“CAAAAAAAAAAAIT!” she screamed.

“AUUUUUUUGH!” Cait screeched, jumping up from their seat in shock as they spun around to face her. Their brow contorted, startled and frustrated at the girl’s outburst.

“WHAT?!” they snapped.

Hattie’s expression morphed into a tooth-bared cheshire grin, her attempt at emulating Cait’s own habit.

“I know what we’re gonna do tonight~♪.”

[poorreputation]

That Being Said, So Get This

A Supernatural-Buzzfeed: Unsolved Crossover! All part of the @cocklesdestielfiction Cockles-Destiel Crazy Crossover Challenge! (and @verobatto-angelxhunter)

To read on AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20960567

Wordcount: 6390

Ship: Destiel

Rating: Teen and up

Any kind of warnings: canon-typical violence. If you watch either show, you should be fine. Also, lots of in-jokes. Maybe too many in-jokes.

Also: contains SPN S14 Spoilers

Summary: 

What happens when Buzzfeed: Unsolved and Supernatural are set in the same universe! Ryan Bergara, the believer. Shane Madej, the skeptic. The Winchester Brothers- serial killers? And whatever happened to James Novak?

Story below the cut!

  Ryan Bergara waits for the sound engineer's cue, then begins reading aloud from his script, "In June of 2008, James 'Jimmy' Novak disappeared, leaving behind wife Amelia and daughter Claire. Just a few years later, in 2010, Amelia vanishes, as well. Jimmy is reported to have been spotted a handful of times since then, but what could have lead a loving father and husband to vanishing from the face of the earth? And what prompted his wife to join him?"

  A pause, a second reading of the same paragraph, and then Ryan continues, "The Novaks were known for their devout faith and regular church attendances. According to close friends and family, Jimmy became a zealot in the months leading up to his disappearance, saying that he'd gained the ability to 'talk to Angels'. It's said this put a great strain on his and Amelia's marriage. But, is this what caused him to leave? Did he even leave under his own will?"

  More details are fleshed out, more takes are made, until Ryan reaches his favorite part of every Unsolved episode, "That being said, let's get to the theories. Our first theory builds off of Jimmy's known fanaticism. That he had become convinced he could talk to, and become a vessel for, Angels, and so left his family to fulfill his mission to god. This, however, does not explain what happened to Amelia, or why she disappeared so long after her husband.

  "Our second theory is more far-fetched, and comes mostly from the internet rumor-mill. Over the years, there's been alleged sightings of Jimmy Novak, not only nationally, but internationally, as well. He's most controversially been claimed to have been spotted with infamous serial killers, Sam and Dean Winchester. Coupled with this is the idea that Jimmy and Dean are romantically connected, which people cite as to why Jimmy left his family in the first place, and that Amelia didn't disappear while looking for Jimmy, but was, in fact, killed by Dean. And, for the record, I think this is horseshit."

  Ryan looks up to see the sound engineer silently howling with laughter, which puts a dumb grin on his own face, "But wait, it gets worse!"

  Clearing his throat, and fighting to keep a straight face, Ryan continues, "Our third and final theory is that Jimmy and Amelia weren't running towards anything, but away from someone. That someone? Their 10 year old daughter Claire, who some, as in the internet, claim is a Demon-" Ryan breaks off his sentence, laughing so hard he gives himself the hiccups, "This is gonna be our worst episode, ever."

3 WEEKS LATER

  Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej step out of one of two rental vans, as the rest of the crew starts to unpack. Shane, the taller of the two hosts, stretches his arms, "God, it's good to get out."

Ryan doesn't respond, looking on at the location for that week's episode. His stomach aches just from the sight of it.

 "You all right there?" Shane asks, "Breakfast making a reappearance?"

 "Nah, just." Ryan shakes his head, "The cases with murder always get me. So fucking creepy."

 "Yup." Shane claps his shoulder, leading the way to the front door.

 The house is a single story home, very modern, less than ten years old. Only one family had lived in it, and now it's vacant. The lawn is trimmed, as it's the least the city can do, but the walls, windows and porch are filthy. Items deliberately thrown at the windows are dry and caked on, and Ryan can just picture kids in costumes throwing eggs at the house on Halloween, probably on a dare.

 Shane fishes out the keys from his pocket, waits for their cameraman to give them the thumbs-up, and unlocks the door. Motioning for Ryan to go first, Shane gives a cheeky bow.

 "Alright, whatever." Ryan mutters.

 Everyone filed in, lighting tested and cleared, Ryan begins. He walks into the living room, Shane just a pace behind, and soaks in the scene. The furniture is gone, a light fixture and a bookshelf are all that remain. trying to recall the grisly crime scene photos, Ryan waves hand where the couch should have been. "In August of 2011, Marianne Wyatt and her three boys sat in this area, as someone came up behind them, and shot them, one after the other. They'd been bound, unable to escape, and-" Ryan blinks, nausea overwhelming him, "And a few days later, the father, Marianne's husband, Phil, was found dead. His death ruled a suicide, no note was ever found. Police couldn't prove it, but the theory was that Phil killed his family, and then himself. No one knows why."

 "Neighbors on either side said they heard nothing?" Shane says, prompting Ryan out of his daze.

 "Heard no screams, no shots. Police couldn't even pinpoint the wife and kids' time of death." Ryan nods, "I think I need some water."

 The cameraman shoots some B-roll as Ryan sits, one of the producers handing him a water bottle. "thanks." Ryan nods, as he takes a swallow.

 There's rumbling outside, followed by one of the crew commenting, "whoa, look at that ride!"

 "Sweet car." the boom operator quips.

 Shane looks out the window, "Eh, too obnoxious for my tastes."

 "That's a '67 Chevy Impala." the first crew member replies, "You have no taste."

 Several people, including Shane, laugh at this, and leaves Ryan with an odd sense of deja-vu. Maybe if the room would stop spinning, he could figure out what it is.

 With Ryan looking so sick, the rest of the crew agree to break for the day. Shane drives Ryan to a gas station to get the sickly man some medicine and a Sprite to calm his stomach. Feeling much better, Ryan stays back for a bit to check out the souvenirs the store has to offer, "We could get a hat, or maybe something small like a shot glass."

 "Or, we can get gas station nachos!" Shane grins, his smile only getting broader as Ryan pales at the thought, "And here I thought you were a hardened pro, Ryan Bergara."

 "It might just be food poisoning." Ryan replies, thumbing through some key chains. A car pulls into the lot, loudly announcing its presence, and Ryan has to stop himself from rolling his eyes, "What's it with people around here and their shitty mufflers?"

 "Oh, that's not very fair." Shane replies, the sarcasm lightly sprinkling his words, "I mean- look! -it's the same car from earlier. You shouldn't make such generalizations."

 Ryan peers up as they start walking towards the cashier, as the black, classic car comes to a stop, the engine cutting off a second later. Ryan's eyes widen, as he remembers where he's seen this car before. He shakes his head, willing his heart to slow down. As Shane pays for their stuff, Ryan can't resist the urge to try and catch a glimpse of the car's owner. Just to reassure himself, nothing more. However, by the time Shane's ready to leave, the driver of the Impala has already gotten back in the car.

 The ride back to the hotel is quiet, save for the radio tuned into some local station. It's a sports station, and Ryan feels it's a nice gesture Shane put it on for him, but Ryan just can't concentrate. He can feel Shane glance his way every now and then, and as he pulls into the hotel parking lot, "Hey, if you're really feeling that bad, I'm sure we can find an Urgent Care, around here."

 Ryan shakes his head, "It's not that."

 "What's on your mind?"

 Ryan stares out the window as Shane parks the rental, "Reading up on all of these cases, it makes ya kinda paranoid after a while."

 Shane laughs, "You don't have to be so serious about it."

 "No, really. The car we saw earlier? It reminds me of the episode we filmed a few weeks back. The Novaks, remember?"

 "I don't recall the devout Christian couple driving a muscle car."

 "Right." Ryan nods, "I'm an idiot, I didn't include it in the script, but it's the car Dean Winchester's known to drive."

 "So? It's a 'classic car', I'm sure a ton of people drive it."

 "But it was in front of the Wyatt house, earlier."

 Shane gives a single shrug, "Maybe it's a fan. There was a data breach, last week. Someone could've leaked the location of this week's episode."

  Ryan has to admit to himself, Shane's reasoning does make him feel better, "You're probably right."

  Dean steers the Impala into the motel parking lot, as Sam sits next to him, reading from his phone, "Marianne Wyatt and her kids are buried together at Eternal Rest Cemetery. Phil, however, was cremated."

  "But, a man is reported to be seen in the house?" Dean asks.

  "That's right." Sam confirms.

  "Some personal items of Phil's still there?"

  Castiel speaks up from the backseat, "House was empty when we searched it earlier, save for some signs of 'squatters'." he answers, using air-quotes, "Have we considered the possibility of the spirit not being Phil Wyatt?"

  "No one else has lived in the house, let alone died here." Sam says.

  "What if Phil's suicide was staged?" Castiel poses, "The wife and children are killed, the husband's taken hostage for insurance. Something goes wrong, Phil is murdered, and it's staged as a suicide."

  "There wasn't any physical evidence tying Phil to the murders." Dean agrees, "Could've been a set-up. It'd also make sense why he'd be a vengeful spirit."

  "Again, we don't know it's Phil, or what's tying him, there." Sam sighs, "It feels like we're going in circles."

  "If not Phil Wyatt, then what? The killer?" Dean asks, "Unless the guy died in the house, why would he be stuck?"

  Castiel thinks, "Maybe the real killer has something from this crime. Kept it one his person, even in death."

  "So, the 'real' killer's stuck in someone else's house?" Dean shakes his head, "This shit's giving me a migraine, god."

  Entering the motel, Sam gets to work researching any possible leads on the Wyatt murders, as Dean hops in the shower, and Castiel is left standing in the middle of the room. After a minute of tense silence, Sam takes the bait, "What's wrong, Cas?"

  "The beds look disgusting." Castiel practically spits, not in harsh judgement, but genuine concern. Sam looks over at what he's talking about, and sees the usual grimy, cheap motel pillows and comforters. Both beds have old, faded stains, and minute tears. Sam figures Castiel being without powers makes him more sensitive to cleanliness, or lack thereof, more than as an Angel.

  "Don't know what you want me to do about it." Sam sighs, "I'm sure they're just old."

  "I think I want to sleep out in the Impala." Castiel mutters.

  Sam resists the urge to roll his eyes, "Ask Dean for the keys when he gets out, then."

  Castiel resorts to standing awkwardly in the corner, as Sam does his best to just research the Wyatt murders. By the time Dean returns to the main room, back in his old, sweaty clothes, making the shower seem entirely pointless, Sam stumbles upon some interesting information.

  "Hey. So, get this," Sam calls the other two men over, "There was this leak at the Buzzfeed headquarters, some of it revealing the Unsolved guys' sites for the new season."

  Castiel stares blankly at him. Dean sees this and goes, "It's a couple of assholes on the web who mess with ghosts and Demons. Sam, being the serial killer fanboy he is, is obsessed with their true crime series."

  "I'm not a fanboy."

  Dean mutters to Castiel, "Yes he is."

  "The reason I bring it up," Sam presses, "is because this week, they're covering the Wyatt murders."

  Dean pauses, "Wait, that camera crew we saw earlier-?"

  "Looks like it's Buzzfeed."

  Castiel leans over, peering at the computer screen, "The- the disappearance of the Novaks?"

  Sam and Dean turn, and confirm Castiel’s observation, "Oh, my God."

  "I mean," Dean starts, "There's more than one Novak out there, you know?"

  "From Pontiac, Illinois?" Sam asks.

  Dean frowns, "Well, I guess that means you can't meet your idols, Sammy."

  Sam scoffs at this, "They're probably gone by now, anyway. They never stay in a location for longer than a day."

  "Let's use caution when going back, regardless." Castiel says, turning to Dean, "May I stay in the Impala, tonight?"

  Dean, flustered and blushing, replies, "What's wrong with in here? Afraid to share the bed? I was gonna make Sam sleep on the floor, anyway."

  Sam feels a part of his soul wither away from the second-hand embarrassment.

  "This room is filthy, and I don't want to stay here." Castiel answers.

  "That's just character." Dean mumbles, taking out his keys, "Fine. Whatever."

  After Castiel shuts the front door, Sam braces himself for Dean's inevitable angsty tantrum, "He didn't have to be so rude. We stay in places like this all the time! Sure, none of these rooms come with a third bed, so maybe he was afraid to bunk with one of us, especially you." Dean points at Sam, "You kick in your sleep. In fact, I was just gonna make you sleep on the floor, with you being the youngest and everything."

  Sam wonders how close the nearest liquor store is.

  At midnight, Dean can't help himself but to check on Castiel. He needs a good excuse though, so he grabs the remainder of the six pack, all that Sam didn't drink, and heads out into the dimly lit parking lot.

  Dean can tell from some distance away that Cas is still awake. The Impala's interior is alight, and as Dean nears he can see Cas in the backseat holding up a book. Reaching the car, Dean knocks on the window, then lifts the cans of beer when Castiel glances up. Castiel moves to unlock the door, and without invitation Dean scoots in, ignoring how close-quarters the situation is, and offers Castiel a drink. Dean's so preoccupied with not brushing up against Castiel in any way, that he forgets to actually say anything.

  "Did you need something?" Castiel asks, opening the can with a pop.

  Dean, suffering from a brain-fart, "Just, uhm, checking in."

  The awkward silence is so palpable, Dean feels like he's about to choke, "So, this place can get pretty uncomfortable. Did you, er, want a pillow? Or something? Blanket?" he says, sweating profusely.

  Castiel points to the front seat, "I already have a pillow, thank you."

  Dean gives a high-pitched hum, and, with little to add, exits the car.

  Back in the motel, "I think Cas is upset." Dean says as he closes the door, "He doesn't want to be in the same room as m- us," he looks up at Sam, who's doing his best to ignore his older brother at the moment, "You think he's still mad about the whole 'you're dead to me' thing?"

  Sam rolls his eyes, "Gee, what could ever give you that impression."

  "I was just being angry!" Dean starts to pace, right as Sam's head starts to pound, "I yell at you sometimes, and you know I don't mean it!"

  "I've known you for 36 years, I think I've picked up on that." Sam deadpans, "Maybe, and here's a novel concept, you tell Cas that yourself?"

  "I don't know, I think you-"

  "No." Sam presses, "I'm not gonna be the messenger between you guys. You want to patch things up with Cas, do it yourself."

  In the morning, after a full night of not resolving their issues, Castiel returns to the motel from a coffee run. Wordlessly passing around three cups, the group huddles around Sam as he gets ready to show them his recent findings.

  Ryan and Shane return to the Wyatt house first thing in the morning, the crew waiting for them out front. Working off of nothing but coffee and toast, Ryan's ready for take two. They enter the house, set up their equipment just like the day before, and get situated.

  "There's one suspect, outside of Phil Wyatt himself, police posit committed these crimes" Ryan says, "And since the guy's dead, it'll remain as speculation."

  "Victor Myers was the personal assistant to a business mogul." Sam begins, "He traveled frequently, mainly within the United States. Occasionally, he would go into the next town over, pick a target, and kill them. The longer he did this, the bolder he got."

  Ryan says, "Victor started off killing one, then two people at a time. After a couple of years, he found his rhythm in killing families and making it look like a break-in." he looks around the vacant living room, a chill going down his spine.

  "He wrote about some of his kills," Sam continues, "but it's suspected he took many more lives, around 30, at least. He died of a stroke, four years ago. Police only knew of the murders after searching his home and DNA evidence. The deaths of the Wyatts are thought to be connected to Myers, judging by Victor's whereabouts at the time and the nature of the kills, but obviously the police can't pursue it."

  "So, we're dealing with the ghost of a serial killer?" Dean asks.

  "Serial killers are known to keep 'trophies' of their victims." Castiel adds, "It could be what's tying him to the house."

  Sam's eyes widen, as he lifts up the laptop for everyone else to see, "Maybe not."

  Castiel tilts his head to the side, "The events began before Victor's death?"

  "So," Dean asks, "Who's haunting?"

  "The thought of Victor Myers being behind these killings seems like a no-brainer," Ryan says, "but it doesn't have everyone convinced. Personally, I think the cops here know it's the truth, but don't want to go through the trouble of proving Myers did it."

  "Wouldn't be the first time." Shane nods in agreement, "Too much paperwork."

  After filming, the cast and crew pack their things, and get ready to leave the Wyatt house, and the small suburban town, for the last time. Ryan can't help but breathe a sigh of relief; the suffocating feelings he'd had the day before weren't as strong, now, but they were still incredibly unpleasant. At the threshold of the once occupied home, he turns back to the empty rooms that echoed their steps and voices, "If there's a Victor around here, you can kindly fuck off."

  Shane shrugs his bag higher up on his shoulder, "The camera's are off, buddy. No idea what you're trying to prove."

  "That there's a thick and toxic presence in the house?" Ryan asks, shutting the door behind him, "One that we'll never have to deal with again?"

  Shane groans, "It's True Crime season, Ryan. The one season where you and I are on the same page. And you have to make it about your spooky stories."

  "Most murders have some whisper of the supernatural to them." Ryan replies, "I just don't always bring it up. This time I did. So, there."

  Shane shakes his head, "What an active imagination you have."

  Dean methodically checks all of their weapons, handing each item one-by-one to Sam for packing. Their gear, stored in two duffels, is almost ready to go, Sam zipping up the first bag and readying the second. Castiel does a once-over of their motel room, as after they're done with the Wyatt house, they're heading straight out of town; all three men agreed, with the extra attention on them from those 'paranormal investigators' from Buzzfeed, it wouldn't be smart to linger.

  An hour later, Dean gathers everyone around, "We'll park the Impala a block from the house, walk the rest of the way. Someone spots the car, they won't automatically know where we are. Ready?" a nod from Sam and Castiel, "Right, let's go."

  Flight not until mid-morning, the crew decide to treat themselves to some drinks at the local bar. A couple of rounds in, Shane returns from the bathroom and says to the group, "Hey, guys, I forgot to leave the key at the house. Can one of y'all drop me off?"

  Ryan, who's only had one beer, raises his hand, "Got ya covered."

  A minute later, both men are back in the rental, driving down that familiar street. Ryan pulls up to the curb, front passenger's door lined up with the sidewalk leading to the house. Shane steps out, then looks back at Ryan, "Aren't you coming?"

  Ryan blinks, "Why would I?"

  "Make sure I get to the door safely. For goodness' sake, Ryan, if I can't drive myself, what makes you think I can walk straight."

  "Bullshit, you just want me to go near that house."

  Shane's face splits into a wide grin, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

  "Get it over with." Ryan says, climbing out of the car.

  With more than a little swagger to his step, Shane leads the way. Both men, however, stop in their tracks as a crashing sound is heard, coming from within the house.

  Ryan doesn't dare blink, "What-?"

  One of the lights turns on. Ryan recognizes it as being the bedroom window.

  "Well." Shane says, "Leave a door unlocked for a few hours, and this is what happens." Ryan doesn't miss the note of unease in the other man's voice. Unbelievably, Shane continues to walk towards the front door.

  "What are you doing?!" Ryan hisses.

  "Well, we should probably kick them out." Shane explains, as if it were obvious.

  "No, we call the cops."

  "You do that, then."

  Ryan pulls out his phone as Shane foolishly enters the house. Before Ryan can pull up the keypad, he hears Shane exclaim, "Holy shit!"

  Ryan can't help it, "What's wrong?" Not waiting for an answer, feet with a mind of their own, Ryan walks through the darkened doorway.

  More crashes are coming from one of the other rooms, people yelling, grunting, as Ryan turns on his phone's light. All along the walls of the living room are pentagrams, the smell of spray-paint permeating the air, making Ryan dizzy. He can feel his hands start to shake, and he thinks he's gonna puke.

  Shane turns to him, pale in the light, "We should leave."

  The bedroom door shakes, the voices on the other side increasing in volume until-

  -silence.

  Simultaneously, the front door slams shut as the one to the bedroom swings open, bouncing off the wall and sending small chunks of plaster flying. It takes a moment for Ryan's eyes and mind to come to the same conclusion, that within the room, standing around the body of a man, crumpled on the floor, are three men. It takes a second longer for Ryan to realize who these men are.

  The eyes of infamous killers Sam and Dean Winchester, and missing person James Novak, stare back at them.

  Shane runs to the front door, trying for the lock. The door wiggles and shakes against the frame, and Ryan can tell it's not budging. "Come on, COME ON!" Shane grunts.

  "That's not gonna work." Dean Winchester, the shorter of the brothers, says, "Bastard is keeping that, and all the other doors, shut. We're on lock-down."

  "How did you do that?" Ryan chokes out, impressed with himself that he can say anything at all.

  "Let us out." Shane rejoins Ryan, standing side-by-side.

  Dean grimly laughs, "Would if I could. Last thing I want is for a couple of vloggers getting in the way."

  "We were just returning a key." Ryan doesn't know what else to do, what to say.

  The tallest of the trio, Sam, comes walking towards Ryan and Shane, hands held out in submission, a container of table-salt in his right, "I'm not gonna hurt you, but we need to get you guys in a safe place."

  Shane isn't so convinced, "And what's 'safe', exactly?"

  "Within a ring of salt." Sam answers.

  "Oh, god." Shane groans, "Don't tell me- you're dealing with Demons?"

  Ryan turns to his friend, "Why would you suggest that? What is wrong with you?!"

  "Um, yeah." Sam grimaces, "I realize that's gonna be... a bit of a problem..."

  Ryan can already begin to feel his heart race, palms sweating and legs becoming like lead, "No, this can't be real."

  "We don't have time for this." James Novak says, and the sheer fact he's in the room, saying anything at all, brings Ryan that much closer to a panic attack. He doesn't even flinch when Novak uses a gun, Ryan has no clue what kind, to direct where he and Shane should go.

  At the appearance of the weapon, Shane's tune changes, "You know what? Fine. Demons are real, where do you want us to stand?"

  This snaps Ryan out of it, "Wait, so it takes spending five minutes with serial killers to convince you, but I can't?!"

  "They have guns, Ryan. They could sell me a piece of the moon and I'd write them a check."

  Ignoring the banter, Sam pours a circle of salt around the two men, "No matter what happens, stay in this circle."

  "Who are you people?" Ryan asks, feeling unusually brave.

  "Not what you think." Sam replies.

  "We're Hunters." Dean states, chin up in pride.

  "Hunters of what?" Shane asks.

  "Monsters, ghosts, Demons." James Novak replies.

  "And how'd you get involved?" Ryan asks Novak, "Where's your wife?"

  Novak tilts his head, "The Djinn Queen?"

  "They were doing a video on Jimmy, remember?" Dean says.

  Ryan pales, "You- you saw the leak?"

  "That you spoke of the Novaks, yes." not-Novak answers.

  Annoyed, Shane goes, "If you're not James Novak, who are you?"

  "Castiel. I'm- was, an Angel."

  "Was." Shane nods, "So, not anymore?"

  Castiel shakes his head.

  "Meaning," Shane continues, "There's no way to prove with, say, magic tricks, your claims?"

  "Stop needling the serial killers." Ryan hisses.

  "You mean monster hunters." Shane sarcastically corrects.

  "I'm sorry about my friend." Ryan announces, "He's kind of a dick."

  "You don't say." Dean deadpans.

  "Hey, is it true," Shane starts, "that you and Columbo over there are knockin' boots?"

  Castiel stares down at his shoes, while Dean goes red and Sam sucks in a breath, trying not to laugh.

  "You're insane." Ryan says to the air, unable to look at Shane.

  "Might as well find out." Shane shrugs.

  "Dean," says Castiel, "I apologize if, at any time during the evening, I've stepped on your toes."

  Dean looks to age five years in as many seconds, "No problem, Cas."

  "And that man, in there?" Shane asks, "He's just sleeping, right?"

  "He was dead before he hit the ground." Castiel responds, "We never know for sure, when there’s a Demon present."

  This information makes Shane falter, if only a little, "And why do only we need to be in the salt circle?"

  Dean and Sam pull down their shirt collars, revealing pentagrams tattooed in black ink, just above their hearts. Castiel lifts up the hem of his shirt, revealing several lines of text written in a foreign language. "We're good. And unless one of y'all's a tattoo artist… ?" Dean says.

  "No." Shane relents, "You still can't prove it, but whatever."

  "You are exhausting." Ryan says.

  "I'm thorough."

  "Shut up, Shane."

  "That's enough!" Dean barks, "We're dealing with a fucking Demon, now act like it." he glares at his two companions. As the trio resumes their work, Shane and Ryan are left in silence.

  "You gonna try your phone?" Shane mutters.

  "No, they've got guns." Ryan responds, "I think they can draw faster than I can dial."

  After a few minutes of tense silence, Shane pats Ryan's arm, getting his attention. Turning to him, Ryan mouths 'What?' while following Shane's gaze. Down the hall, leading all the way to the back of the house, is the only other door leading outside.

  It's open.

  Glancing at one another, the intent is understood; at least one of them can make it out. Knowing Shane's got the longer legs, Ryan figures he'll have a better chance, so he prods at Shane's back, encouraging him to make a break for it.

  Shane sprints for the door, and is at the other end of the hallway by the time the Winchesters or Castiel notice. Ryan doesn't see the trio's reactions, though, focusing on whether or not his friend escapes.

  Shane opens the door wider, gets one foot on the first concrete step-

  Cold air fills the room, enveloping every inch of Ryan's skin. The room grows darker, like someone's dimming down the lights. Every breath he inhales is freezing, and every exhale the same temperature. It's like Ryan's overcome with a sudden fever, left weak and in a cold sweat. Arms and legs locked in place, he can feel his heart slow...

  "RYAN!"

  Dean looks from one idiot to the other; the tall one that tried to leave the house, in what was obviously a trap set up by the Demon, and the second, shorter one that was in the broken salt circle, currently having a long stream of black smoke rush into his throat.

  The Demon's found a new body.

  "RYAN!" Shane shouts, and for all his smart-ass quips, the tall one wasn't that sharp. Perfect opportunity to get the fuck out and leave things to the pros, but he's gone and pissed that away. Dean feels his lip twitch into a smirk, realizing he'd do the same if it was his family. Hand closing around the Angel blade, his smile falters.

  Ryan collapses to the ground, still as stone. Sam intercepts Shane, who tries to rush to his friend's side. "What did you do?!" Shane yells.

  "Stay back!" Castiel shouts, charging forward with more salt. Dean's stomach jumps with worry at the sight of Castiel going in on his own. Old habits of being an Angel, thinking himself indestructible. Dean begins reciting the exorcism, his Latin clunky, as always. Smoke begins to spill from the corners of Ryan's mouth as Castiel approaches.

  A hand suddenly lashes out, striking Castiel with such ferocity it throws the man clean across the room. Dean continues the exorcism, mind on autopilot, as he looks to see if Castiel is still in the fight. The former Angel knocked out cold, Dean turns his head just in time to see Ryan's hand extend out towards him.

  "I'm tired of playing with you." the Demon smirks a toothy grim, causing Ryan's brown eyes to flash to black.

  Dean feels his feet lift from the floor, and in a blur of speed, his body be thrown up against the ceiling. Pinned here, and momentarily stunned, Dean tries in vain to continue the exorcism.

  "Shut up." the Demon hisses.

  Dean's voice dies away. He can only watch as Sam tries to take the Demon on.

  Angel blade in hand, Sam goes in, and Dean can tell Sam isn't looking for a kill shot. Swipes, stabs and arcs to distract, but none fatal. Maybe he's hoping for Castiel to wake, maybe he hopes the Demon can't concentrate on more than one Hunter at a time. It's not a bad strategy.

  One slice too close to Ryan's neck makes Shane rush forward, spin Sam around, and snatch the blade from Sam's stunned hand. "What are you doing-?"

  Both men are sent crashing to the floor, as the Demon steps out of the remains of the salt circle. Cracking knuckles and stretching arms, Ryan's lips curve into a smile, as Dean realizes what's coming next:

  Villain monologue.

  "Winchesters, your reputations proceed you." Ryan walks over to Castiel, who's starting to stir, "Here I am, with my humble, little set-up, and here you are, sticking your noses where they don't belong." He presses a boot against Castiel's neck, pinning him to the wall, "Don't you have bigger fish to fry? A God to fight?"

  Castiel gasps for breath, and Dean struggles to free his arms, legs, willing any muscle to move.

  "I'm a nobody." the Demon laughs, "I should be dead, right now. You all have lost your touch."

  Shane slowly starts to rise from the floor, trying not to get the Demon's attention.

  Ryan's head snaps in Shane's direction, "Shane! Buddy! How ya been?" with a hard kick to Castiel's head, Ryan begins to calmly walk over.

  Shane tries for the door, and it looks like Sam was right; it's unlocked, and the Demon can't focus on more than a few things at a time.

  With that, Dean frees his arm, can move his lips. He starts the exorcism from the top.

  "WHAT DID I SAY." the Demon bellows, waving his hand towards Dean, again. This time, Dean's throat closes up.

  Sam continues the exorcism from his place on the ground.

  Ryan waves his hand again, throwing Sam into the room with the man's corpse.

  Castiel, blood pouring out of his mouth, picks up the chant where Sam left off. The Demon is so distracted, Dean's able to get free. Bracing himself, Dean falls to the floor, and, after a few shaky seconds, joins Castiel.

  Teeth clenched, veins pulsing, Ryan yells, "ENOUGH!" sending both men staggering back, falling to the ground, and then pressed up against the wall.

  The front door bursts open. Dean cannot, for the life of him, believe that the tall idiot's back.

  "Hey! Dumbass!" Shane calls.

  The Demon turns to look at him.

  Dean, thinking he's seen it all, and can't be surprised anymore, tonight, feels his jaw drop.

  "Do you want to di-" Ryan starts, just before Shane douses him with a water gun.

  The screams coming from Ryan are simply inhuman. Smoke rises from his skin, as he covers his face. The air, already pungent with sulfur, becomes insufferable.

  Sam staggers from the back room, finishing the exorcism.

  A rush of smoke exits through Ryan's mouth, the pained scream still echoing off of the walls. And then-

  -silence.

  Shane considers the squirt gun in his hand, then looks back up at the trio of Hunters staring at him. "It's- it's filled with holy water." he gestures to an unconscious Ryan, "His idea."

  "So, you're really monster hunters?" Shane asks, wincing at the alcohol being applied to his scraped knees. They were the worst of the gashes on him, sustained when the Demon threw Sam on top of him.

  "Yes." Sam replies, taking a bandage from the Impala's first aid kit. Shane had gotten Ryan, who was still out, in the rental car, and parked that just behind the Chevy. Everyone is now taking a breather before parting ways.

  "So, not serial killers?"

  "No."

  Shane pauses, "Sorry, about taking your knife. I just didn't want you stabbing my friend."

  "You ended up saving all of us, so I think we're square." Sam looks over to the open trunk lid, behind which Dean and Castiel were securing the corpse the Demon had initially possessed.

  "Ryan's gonna be unbearable when he wakes, you know." Shane says, "'Ooh! Demons are real! We don't have it on camera, but it happened!'"

  "Will you keep doing the show?" Sam asks, trying not to sound too eager.

  "Probably. Ryan'll want to catch lightning in a bottle twice, but never do another Demon location, again."

  "You sound disappointed."

  Shane shrugs, "It's fun seeing him scared."

  Sam shakes his head.

  "So," Shane begins, "You watch the show."

  "... maybe."

  "How many of the places we visit are actually haunted?"

  Sam thinks, "Most were, but we, or other Hunters we know, cleared 'em."

  "Huh."

  After saying their goodbyes, and with the understanding that no one would believe Ryan and Shane if they tried to profit off of their Demon encounter, the two groups part ways. The Hunter trio climb back into the Impala, but not before Dean throws Sam the keys.

  "I'm spent." Dean explains, "You take over for a while." Dean also opens the back door for Castiel, but only when he thinks Sam isn't watching. Dean crawls in after him, and does everything he can to not meet Sam's eyes in the mirror.

  It's a half hour later, when on the highway, heading towards the Bunker, that Dean tries to make amends.

  "Cas-" Dean starts, voice just above a whisper.

  Castiel grabs his hand, both are dried and crusted with blood, "I'm sorry." he mouths, "For everything."

  "No." Dean fails to keep the break out of his voice, "I'm sorry. You're family, Cas. Nothing's gonna change that."

  Castiel looks away, and Dean knows from personal experience what he's trying to hide.

  "I miss Jack." Comes Castiel's broken sob.

  Dean squeezes his hand, "I know. I do, too. I should've done more."

  "We should have." Castiel corrects.

  They sit together in a bittersweet silence. The car interior is dark, the rumbling of the road beneath their feet thunderous, and Sam's eyes on the road. Dean and Castiel are in their own little world.

  "I love you." the words spill from Dean's mouth before he can stop them, and funny enough, he doesn't regret it, or treat it like a mistake. It's been years in the making, really. And when Castiel looks back at him, eyes wide with wonder, and more than a little red from fatigue, Dean just brings their joined hands up to his lips, and gives the back of Castiel's palm a gentle kiss. Castiel leans in, meeting Dean forehead-to-forehead, "I love you, too."

  Shane's pulling up to the hotel parking lot when Ryan finally wakes.

  "Ugh, god." Ryan rubs at his eyes, "What a fuckin' nightmare."

  Shane puts the car in park, turning off the engine, "What do ya mean, buddy?"

  Ryan looks over at Shane, then around the rest of the car, "Wait, didn't we go by the Wyatt house, and drop off some keys?"

  "Yep."

  "And I was driving."

  "Uh-huh."

  Ryan blinks, "Did I hit my head or something?"

  "No, we met up with serial killers Sam and Dean Winchester, along with missing person James Novak, and took on a Demon. You got possessed."

  Ryan's face screws up in disbelief, "Very funny, asshat."

  "No!" Shane insists, "It really happened."

  "Bullshit."

  "Then, what was your nightmare about?"

   "Getting chased by a rabid Paddington." Ryan replies, his eyes glazed over in a haunted stare.

   Shane throws his hands up, "Fine, we’ll go with that."

________________________________________________________________

  Thank you!! For reading!! ♥♥♥

[tveckling]

This is a fic I wrote for the bentycutio modern au that I made the advent thingy for in 2015. I... uh managed to forget I had written it? pfft Random verse dribbled that was going to be 18th Dec - relatives. Took too long to do though.

"This is utterly ridiculous." Tybalt rubbed his face wearily, taking a short break in glaring at Benvolio and Mercutio who sat on a bench in front of him. One of the policemen who'd brought them in had gone off to wherever—Tybalt had been too angry to listen to his weak mumbling—but the other was still standing close by,  keeping an eye on them. Benvolio and Mercutio were still handcuffed and Tybalt hadn't felt any need to try and convince anyone to uncuff them. "I left you two for less than ten minutes to go buy a present for Julia and I come back to find you being arrested. You're being charged with assault and battery, disturbing the peace, and property damage with an added charge of contempt of the court for Mercutio—which I really don't want to know the details about. What, in the name of everything holy, happened?" Mercutio was busy glaring at the two men on the other side of the station and completely ignored Tybalt. Benvolio, however, squirmed and tried his best to avoid Tybalt's eyes. "It was a misunderstanding," he said meekly. "Misunderstanding? Misunderstan- are you kidding me?" Tybalt took a deep breath and managed to talk instead of screaming as he wanted to. "I'm not surprised that Mercutio got in a fight, but I didn't expect this from you, Benvolio. You hate fighting." "It's not that I hate it, it's more that I think it's stupid and there's almost always a better way to resolve a conflict," Benvolio shot back quickly, but then deflated at Tybalt's look. "So tell me, why couldn't <i>this<i> conflict be resolved by some other means than you two fighting it out with some random guys in the middle of a crowded mall, crashing into a souvenir stand, and at one point bashing one of the guys' heads against that same stand? There's video! Everything was recorded!" "Oh god, there were children." Benvolio groaned and hid his face in his hands. "Those fuckers deserved everything they got," Mercutio said darkly, still staring across the room. He grinned darkly when one of the men accidentally locked eyes with him. "They let their mouths yap and should've expected the consequences. I warned them. Ben warned them, twice. If they talk the talk, they should walk the walk." Tybalt shook his head. "You're talking, but you're not actually saying anything, which happens far too often. What. Happened?" "They talked shit, we told them to shut it, they refused, we fought," Mercutio said shortly and crossed his arms with a huff, only wincing a little as he did. "Is that what you want me to say when your uncle gets here?" Tybalt took satisfaction in seeing Mercutio go pale. "Because you know they will call him, if they haven't already. That might be just what that other cop went to do. And when police chief Escalus comes thundering in here, do you really want that to be your only defense?" "Oh god, he's never going to stop shouting," Mercutio mumbled and buried his face in his hands. Benvolio patted his shoulder sympathetically. "It's not really his fault," Benvolio said and ignored how Mercutio's head shot up. "Or mine for that matter, okay? Its- do you remember that pro bono case Julia, eh, asked you to take a few months back?" "The bastard who beat his wife and children so badly they had to be hospitalized? Of course I remember, but he's in jail so what's that got to do with this?" "Apparently one of the guys over there is his brother—” Benvolio kept ignoring Mercutio's tries to silence him “—and when you left us I overheard them. You might not have remembered him, but that guy clearly remembered the lawyer who put his brother in jail, and he and his friend were talking about teaching you a lesson. So we confronted them." He shrugged and threw a helpless smile at Tybalt. "It was Mercutio who threw the first throw, but I'd say it's under mitigating circumstances, wouldn't you? I mean, if you'd only heard the shit they said about you-" Tybalt held up a hand and Benvolio trailed off. Mercutio was sullenly resting heavily against the wall, not meeting anyone's eyes. "So what you're saying is, you fought to protect me? To... save me?" Benvolio scratched his neck and fidgeted where he sat, the tops of his ears coloring under Tybalt's scrutiny. "I guess... you could say that." Tybalt frowned as he looked back over the room at his supposed assailants. "I could have handled it myself, you know that." Mercutio snorted and leaned forward on his knees. "You're a high-profile, hot-shot lawyer, dear. It's not like-" "Mercutio!" Mercutio jumped and look around wildly. What little color had returned to his face disappeared again as he saw his uncle storming towards them. A whimper was heard from Benvolio as he tried to make himself smaller. Tyrant shook his head and sighed. "You did this for me, I guess, so I should at the very least talk to your uncle before he commits nepoticide." Benvolio and Mercutio watched in awe how Tybalt calmly stood in the way of the enraged man and motioned for him to stop. Then they heard another raised voice shouting out, "Benvolio Montague!" Benvolio twitched and gripped Mercutio's arm. "It's my aunt!" "This is going to be a mess, isn't it?" Mercutio said with a shocked expression. They watched the lady Montague storm over to Tybalt, who got something wild in his eyes as he spotted her. "Tybalt will handle it," Benvolio said after a beat. "He's a lawyer. He can do it." "That, or he'll join us in jail," Mercutio commented. They kept watching for a while more. "My money's on him going berserker." "Ten bucks he keeps his cool." "You're on."

[seriouslyhooked]

False Alarms (A CS AU) Part 1/?

Modern AU where Emma is a Boston police detective and Killian is firefighter. They both get called to a fire in progress but it ends up being a false alarm, however there can be no denying the sparks between them. Includes fluff and my usual attempts at humor as well as a touch of fake-dating and meddling friends. Inspired by the song ‘False Alarm’ by Motoma and Becky Hill. Rated M for future chapters.

Also on Fanfiction Here.

A/N: Hey all! So today has not been a great day for me and as such I figured it was as good a time as any to get started on a new story that can distract me with fluff. Since way back when in the sweet summertime I’ve had a few people ask me for stories with Killian as a firefighter and I think I’ve finally stumbled on the exact story I want to write with that element. I hope you’ll all enjoy and thanks for reading!

“Are you going to finish that?” Emma looked up from the slice of pizza that was inches from her mouth to her best friend and partner Ruby.

From anyone else a question like this would be unexpected, but Emma and Ruby went way back and Emma was hardly surprised by Ruby’s quirks anymore. They’d met years ago in the academy training to be good police, and since day one Ruby had made two things very clear. The first was that she would take no shit from anyone ever. Superior, peer, friendly neighborhood witness, or perp, it did not matter. Ruby Lucas would not stand to be disrespected. And the second thing was that she never wasted food and she was never too full to pass up a meal or try and scrounge from someone else.

“You mean the pizza I’m currently in the middle of eating? Yeah I was thinking about it.” Ruby sighed dramatically.

“Fine. I’ll go order another slice from Tiny, but you owe me.”

Emma laughed and shook her head at the statement. Obviously she owed Ruby nothing but it was still funny that Ruby would say so, and if her slightly delusional friend wanted to pretend that there was some injustice in Emma’s finishing her own pizza, she wouldn’t stand in her way. Besides, it should make a more interesting rest of their shift, which had been quiet so far and was over in a few more hours.

“Just be quick about it. We’re back on in ten,” Emma reminded and Ruby scoffed.

“Oh please. I’ve got this.”

Emma knew that Ruby did beyond the shadow of a doubt, but this was their thing. They bantered back and forth like this in downtime and then shifted into a different gear when the chips were actually down. It helped combat the stresses of their job and this system was what kept them working as well as they did as both friends and partners.

Ruby and Emma had been assigned together officially for two years now (ever since they both passed the detective’s exam), and they worked to be the best of the best in their precinct and beyond. They’re number of solved cases was higher than nearly everyone else, and their records were impressive for any member of the force, never mind two cops as young as the two of them. They put in more overtime than anyone, helped out in any case they could, but they both knew when to walk away and how to tell when their partner was getting in too deep. More than anything Emma and Ruby had each other’s backs and that was what made their partnership so successful.

Part of that drive to be better than the rest was because there weren’t that many other women amongst their peers, but most of it came down to personality. Both Emma and Ruby loved this city and they cared about the people who lived in it. That passion was what kept them going day in and day out, through good times and bad. It wasn’t about keeping spotless reputations and earning good marks from their superiors at the end of the day, but about doing the best that they could with the situations they were given.

But sometimes the situations were less than ideal, like right now when the shrill ringing of Emma’s phone designated for the precinct cut through the pizza shop. Before Emma could so much as answer, Ruby let out a groan from the counter. If they were getting a call on this phone, there was a good chance that their twenty-minute break was about to be cut short.

“This is Emma.” The sigh of relief that came through the phone indicated immediately that the person calling was their desk sergeant Leroy.

“Emma, glad I caught you. We’ve got a situation on the corner of Elm and Washington. I know you’re off, but Reynolds and Bryant-,”

“Have about as much charisma as a wet blanket and as much sense as two frat boys on Greek Week. Yeah I know. We’re on it.” Emma waved Ruby to the door and her friend immediately moved with her, but tossed out a little bit of sass for good measure.

“We are so not on it,” Ruby muttered from beside her and after rolling her eyes, Emma handed her partner the rest of her pizza. “Okay now we’re on it.”

“So what’s going on?” Emma asked Leroy and the man proceeded to fill them in.

Apparently two patrolmen in the area had stumbled upon a hysterical old woman claiming that someone was trying to burn her apartment complex down. They immediately dispatched for Fire Rescue when they saw smoke and station sixty-one was en route. The patrolmen were in pursuit of the offender at that moment, but since Emma and Ruby were off the clock, and their dispatch radio was in their car, they’d missed the call for backup blowing up their feed.

“Great – dealing with some crazy arsonist. That’s exactly how I pictured my Friday going.”

“Ruby!” Emma said, chastising her friend’s laid-back attitude about this. Arson was no joke, and worst of all it was almost impossible to prove unless you caught the person in the act. This was serious and underneath the sarcasm Ruby knew that.

“What? I’m just saying. It’s like the Universe knows we’ve got our first weekend off in months and wants the whole thing sabotaged by paperwork and a citywide manhunt.”

“Now you’re just jumping to conclusions,” Emma replied though she could relate to Ruby’s frustrations on some level.

“I’m imagining possible scenarios. Detective 101 – be prepared for anything.”

“That’s the boy scouts, Ruby.” Her friend considered Emma from across the car and looked doubtful.

“Eh I think that was us first. I’ll ask your Mom next time I see her.”

Emma ignored the comment, trying not to think about her mother as they pulled up to the scene, which despite Leroy’s claims seemed relatively calm. There were two fire trucks out here and a number of firefighters to go with them, but not a one of them was racing into the building at top speed, and the two patrolmen standing outside looked annoyed rather than scared of having let a perp get away.

“Oh this is going to be good,” Ruby said. She was practically giddy at what was coming, and Emma could sense just as Ruby could that this was about to be a huge waste of time.

“Detectives – we’re sorry you got called in on this. It’s a false alarm. An old lady saw smoke on her fire escape but it was just her drunk grandson trying to cook a burger.” Emma put her hands on her hips and shook her head, silently wondering why people thought that was a good idea ever, never mind in the middle of winter.

“Of course it is,” Ruby replied before whispering to Emma. “We’re getting lunch reimbursed for this, you know that right?” Emma smirked but pressed on, trying to be professional.

“Well false alarm or not, we got called in, we have to see for ourselves. Where’s the woman who filed the complaint?”

“She’s inside again, probably throttling her grandson. She’s scrappy that one, when she’s not shrieking at the top of her lungs that is.” Ruby barked out a laugh as the patrolmen gave Emma the rest of the details and signaled for Emma to take the lead.

“After you, partner.”

Emma moved past Ruby through the door and up the stairwell, aiming to get to apartment 3C as fast as she could. The sooner they squared this away, the sooner they could move onto something that mattered again and get to that lovely and long overdue free weekend. Yet as they ascended the stairwell, Emma realized that might not be entirely possible given the firefighters moving down the stairwell at the same time that immediately caught Ruby’s eyes.

“Well hello,” Ruby whispered under her breath low enough so only Emma heard.

“Detective Nolan.” The friendly greeting and gentlemanly tip of a firefighter hat came from Graham Huntsman, a man Emma had known for years. She rolled her eyes at his excessive display. They were friends after all, and she didn’t need the feigned gallantry from her friends.

“Lieutenant. Anything we should know about this on your end?”

“Scarlet made an ass of himself with the ladder. Other than that, just your standard Friday afternoon shenanigans.”

Emma smiled (knowing Will Scarlet well enough to believe Graham’s account) and then noticed Graham’s eyes as they flicked to Ruby. His interest was clear and immediately on display for all to see, Ruby included. Emma had to give him credit though; Graham held back way longer then most guys did and he wasn’t openly ogling her friend, just looking a little longingly at her. Emma decided to throw him a bone for remaining cool when so many others didn’t.

“You remember my partner, Ruby Lucas.”

“We’ve met, yeah.” Ruby tilted her head slightly and pretended to search his features. Emma could read through the ruse immediately, but to anyone else she would appear totally sincere.

“Have we? Huh, go figure. Anyway, Emma, we should go. Don’t want any loose ends on this one.” Ruby offered a polite smile to Graham and then warmer ones to the men beside him as she ushered Emma up the steps with little more than a brief goodbye. When they’d made it to the third floor Emma looked for answers.

“What was that about?” Ruby grinned and immediately looked like the cat that caught the canary and Emma’s suspicions that her best friend was up to something were confirmed.

“Payback. Last time we ‘met’ he didn’t ask for my number.” Emma’s jaw dropped, but she regained her composure fast.

“Ruby we were all working a case.”

“Right, and the second that case was over he should have asked you for those digits.” Emma laughed at the phrasing, knowing that even if it felt ridiculous to her (as someone who never let her professional and personal lives intersect) for Ruby this was totally normal thinking.

“Seriously?” Ruby smirked.

“Just wait. Ten bucks says you get a call by the end of the night and then I get a week’s worth of groveling before I finally let him take me out.”

Emma knew better than to bet against Ruby on something like this, so instead of doing so she knocked on the door to the apartment of the woman who’d thought there was a fire in the first place. There was yelling going on through the doorway but it was too muffled to make out the words. It faded as soon as Emma’s knuckles rapped at the hard wood and seconds later the door opened to reveal a very small old woman. When she made eye contact with Emma and then Ruby her bothered expression immediately looked contrite and apologetic and her voice went up an octave into sweet old-lady territory.

“You must be the detectives. I can’t begin to tell ya how sorry I am. My grandson doesn’t mean to be a nitwit, he just hasn’t got a single brain cell in that thick skull of his.” The kindness she’d extended to Emma and Ruby shifted back to frustration as she turned around and shook her fist in his direction.

“A lot of men have that problem, ma’am. We just have to ask a few questions and make sure everything’s all clear for paper work and such. You understand,” Ruby offered.

“Oh honey, I do. I used to work at the state house as a clerk and I’ve always said that if there’s a God, there will be no paperwork past the pearly gates.”

Emma appreciated that the woman was so amiable to their questions. Sometimes they got saddled with problematic witnesses, but this woman was charming in that typical Boston way. She was brash and she said what she was thinking, but Emma knew deep down she had a good heart and loved her grandson. It was, as expected, a pretty routine false alarm, but as Ruby took notes on the situation, Emma asked to check out the fire escape itself. When she got the all clear to do so she moved to the window and shimmied it open before slipping outside and walking into an unexpected wall.

“Easy there, love.”

Oh shit! That voice was enough to make Emma a little week in the knees, and between the accent and the rumble in his chest that she was still flush against Emma felt this energy and simultaneous comfort she’d never experienced. It was… intriguing, and something she had a hard time moving away from but after a second Emma stepped back and her eyes flicked up to the man who’d uttered those three simple words. When her gaze met his her heart skipped almost painfully.

There were very few moments when Emma felt thrown in the line of duty or in life at all. She prided herself on being strong and stable, unshakeable even in the most trying of times, but right now she was anything but. Her heart was pounding, her mouth had suddenly gone dry, and her mind was racing a mile a minute, talking about how no man had a right to look this good and in a fireman’s outfit to boot.

With dark hair and more than the shadow of a beard, he wasn’t rugged per se, but manly and strong. She felt this kind of magnetic presence being so close to him but it wasn’t threatening to anything except maybe her self-control. She’d met a lot of good looking guys in her life, hell she’d been surrounded by cops and firefighters since she was a little kid, but there was something so different about this guy, this stranger with arresting blue eyes that held hers captive for just a beat too long.

“Apologies, love. I wasn’t expecting you.” Emma blinked and regained her composure, trying her best not to do something stupid like blush as she did.

“You’re new.” The man smiled, with one corner of his mouth tipping up to one side and he shuffled his gear around to extend his hand in greeting.

“Killian Jones at your service.”

Emma glanced at his hand and wondered if this guy was for real. Then she remembered that he was probably too new to realize who she was and why this was a no go. Once he did connect the dots he’d pull back she was sure, but for now Emma had this need she couldn’t quite explain. She wanted to go along with this feeling, even though it went against her M.O. entirely. So she gave him her hand in return and felt a rush of warmth when they made contact. She was shocked and a little overwhelmed, but it was clear that her new acquaintance was right there with her. Killian had no poker face at all, and she watched his wave of shock and then something like hunger before eventually pulling back and trying to put some of her professional walls back up.

“You realize sergeants don’t usually do this part right? No matter how new you are there’s got to be some low man on the ladder to hand this off to.”

Killian (God even his freaking name was hot) grinned and ran a hand through his hair, which was so dark and just a little too long to be strictly appropriate for the firehouse. Emma balled her fingers into a fist to stifle the crazy and ridiculous itch she had to see how it felt under her fingertips.

“Their set up wasn’t up to code. I thought I’d help them out so in case there’s ever an actual emergency, they can get out safely.” Emma looked over to where Killian gestured and saw that there were some newer bolts in the ladder now. She wondered how he’d even had the materials on hand to do this kind deed but decided to deflect from her being impressed at his caring.

“Hero complex?” Emma asked and Killian looked confused.

“I’m sorry?”

“Some guys get one in your line of work. They think they can save everyone and that they’re the only ones who can. They take on too much alone and it messes with their heads.”

Emma didn’t think Killian was that kind of guy (not that she could provide a real reason why past him not looking like a raging narcissist) but she wanted to see how he would handle her in interrogation mode. Most people cowered when she did this, but he stayed calm and didn’t flinch in the slightest. It was an incredible turn on.

“Well those men are fools. Some people can’t be saved… and some people don’t need to be. They’ve got it handled themselves.” Emma couldn’t help but think that last part was meant for her, but before she could ask him about his reasons behind the charged statement, Ruby appeared in the window.

“Emma if you fell down the fire escape I swear -,”

Ruby stopped short when she saw that Emma wasn’t alone and after half a second of surprise she started sporting a familiar grin. Emma tried to harden herself to Killian before it was too late but it was useless; Ruby knew something was up and that guaranteed her being a huge pain in Emma’s ass for a good long time. She was never going to live this down (because for years she’d been stressing no warm, fuzzy feelings on a case no mater what), and now her only hope was to bail and fast before Ruby caused a scene, or worse, flirted on Emma’s behalf.

“I’m all set here. You good Ruby?” Her friend looked from Killian who she was ogling openly to Emma and saw her seriousness. Thankfully Ruby took pity on her and nodded.

“All clear here.”

Ruby threw her one last smirk and then ducked back inside but as Emma turned to go she felt Killian’s hand at her wrist. It wasn’t a harsh hold in any way, and her body reveled in that same spark that had been there before, but she felt a wave of trepidation. Looking at him again was going to be fantastic and terrifying all at once. Still Emma had to be strong and so she faced him head on with what she hoped was a firm gaze.

“Did you need something?” she asked and Killian smiled softly at her. Instantly she felt bad for the edge she’d just had in her voice.

“Just to say thank you.” Emma’s brow furrowed.

“For what?” He let go of her hand and stepped backwards, heading towards the ladder of the fire escape with entirely too much swagger for a mortal, ordinary man.

“Usually a false alarm would be tedious. Today has been anything but.”

Emma ducked her chin in a bit, breaking eye contact and feeling like a freaking teenager under the intensity of his blue gaze. The worst part was he was being totally honest. Killian had game, yes, but he wasn’t a liar and that made the thrill that went through Emma so much harder to regret. There were sirens going off in her head saying that he was trouble and a threat to the way she had always conducted herself on the force, but the attraction between them was somehow stronger and this weird sense of trust was already there between them, muting her internal warning bells enough for her to try and say goodbye.

“Right. Well, I guess I’ll see you around.” She offered casually and he dropped all the cockiness to look at her sincerely.

“I hope so, Emma.”

Before she could make more of a fool out of herself, Emma moved back inside and shut the window, pausing when she did to catch her breath and get herself together. She let herself linger on the feelings that had fluttered through her chest when he said her name like that, and she wished that they could stay because it felt so right. Killian felt so right, but for what Emma couldn’t say, and it definitely was not the time to be having an internal dialogue about hot guys in the workplace. When she turned back around and saw Ruby with a shit-eating grin on her face she jumped, another very unusual thing for Emma.

“Don’t start.” Emma warned as they moved out of the apartment and back through the stairwell.

“I didn’t say anything!” Ruby offered with her hands up.

“You were going to.” Ruby laughed at Emma’s assessment.

“I am going to. I’m just going to wait until we’re not surrounded by dreamy guys who made you blush.” Emma turned to her friend and pointed a finger her way.

“I did not blush!”

“Oh honey, you so totally did. But shh, or Sergeant Sexy is going to hear you.” They were back outside moving to their car and there, just as Ruby expected, was Killian standing by his truck with some of the other guys from the firehouse. Their eyes caught again and he offered her a friendly wave that Emma returned as Ruby chuckled beside her.

“Ooo girl, you’re in trouble,” she whispered and Emma heard the niggling voice in the back of her mind saying that yeah, she very well might be.

……………

Every firehouse Killian had ever belonged to had a local spot – a pub or a bar that the crew frequented after a long shift or in times of celebration. Boston’s sixty-first was no different, but there was something to be said for this hole in the wall they called their home away from home.

It might not be pretty or particularly nice, but the feel inside of JR’s Tavern was perfect in Killian’s mind. There was that necessary combination of mutual respect between his firehouse mates and the rest of the clientele, but there was also a line drawn. Killian could already see that on their worst days (days that were always coming down the pike in this line of work) they’d find some sort of peace here. It wasn’t filled with nosey busy bodies, but people trying to go about their business. This was a welcome relief for Killian, who’d struggled with that in past assignments.

This new position, however, was bound to be different than all his ones before. For one thing he was a sergeant now, and that in itself was an adjustment. New expectations, new procedures, they were all factors in his blending in with a new squad, but Killian was a quick study and more than anything he had the experience both back in London and in New York where he’d been the last few years.

Killian also prided himself on staying up to date on the science in his job, jumping at the chance for any extra training and for any extra classes he could enroll in. The hope for all of that extra work was that he might someday learn something that could keep all the men and women he worked with alive. Every day they all got home safe was a win, and every day that they helped the people they were sworn to serve was one too. That didn’t mean he thought himself a hero, just a man with a code trying to better people’s lives when and how he could.

Killian couldn’t help but smile as the memory of that detective this afternoon bluntly asking him if he had a hero complex ran through his mind. She was a force of nature, and all it took was one second in her company for Killian to feel more alive than he had in years. Not even the rush of being amongst the lick of flames in a five-alarm blaze compared to the sensation he’d had out there on the fire escape, but she – Emma – was anything but predictable. Like an inferno with no clear source, she’d keep him guessing and clawing for answers, he was certain.

For one thing she was all together too beautiful for his sanity. She’d tried to tone it down slightly (no doubt in the hopes of appearing more professional and competent) but anyone who would doubt that woman after meeting her was a fool. She wore her abilities on her sleeve and practically radiated capability. Nothing escaped her notice in the moments that they’d been out there together, and though there were tiny glimpses of something more vulnerable between them, and even a few wondrous moments of could-be flirting, Emma was largely the dominating force between the pair of them.

Killian meanwhile stood there perilously close to openly gaping at her. He’d largely avoided any sort of emotional attachments as of late, hating the effects that the demands of his job had in any relationship. He’d seen the tolls it took on the men and women that his fellow fighters loved and their families and Killian reasoned there was no one he’d ever want to put through that. Still as he looked in those curious and brilliant jade colored eye’s of Emma’s and noticed the fullness of her lips and the silkiness of the hair she’d tied back, he found thoughts he’d long ago discarded rushing to the surface. Thoughts about staking a claim and convincing Emma that he was more than an adrenaline junky with a need to put out fires. For her, honestly, Killian could be anything she damn well wanted.

“Oi, Killian!”

Killian glanced up to see his old friend Will Scarlet, another member of the sixty-first and the man who’d put him up for the job here to begin with. He was a British expat too who’d already assimilated to this city after a few years on the force. Will was also the self-proclaimed funny man on the squad but Killian knew that underneath that excess of humor was a fiercely loyal and determined man. Will had fallen into this field because of personal tragedy, but he didn’t let it define him. He worked hard to live each day like it was his last, doing his best at work and then living each moment outside of that with the fullness it deserved.

“Aye?”

“You gonna say something? We can’t drink until you do, mate.” Killian noticed that the others on the squad were looking at him expectantly with their beers in hand. All of them had been incredibly welcoming so far and he grinned and cleared his throat not wanting to let them down.

“Right. Well I guess I’ll say thank you all for the drink and I doubt it will be the last you all buy me.” Everyone laughed at the jest and Killian sobered some to continue on. “Honestly I appreciate the openness you all have and your quickness to accept someone new like myself. It’s an honor to be among you, and I plan to prove my worth to you all before long. You all have my word that I will do my best by this house and this city. To sixty-one.”

“To sixty-one!” They all chorused back and took their drinks before letting out a cheer.

It was only about half of the house right now, for the others were on shift, but Killian had already made a pact with the bartender that a tab would be started in his name and that every fighter who wasn’t here tonight would still get a drink on him as his new buddies beside him would be getting one. It was customary back home, and felt only right to Killian to bring that tradition over here.

“Rough luck that all you got to see this week was routine drills and a false alarm,” one of the younger fighters on the ladder named Gus said and Killian shook his head offering a small smile and his own thoughts.

“Depends how you look at it. Might have been a false alarm but we all came back home.”

Gus nodded thoughtfully, and Killian knew the headspace that younger firefighters often had. They were hungry for the action, mostly because they’d yet to have any of the real trauma to could go with it. He didn’t fault Gus, however, and Killian honestly hoped Gus never lost that mentality, and that the younger man never lost a person in this job to take away that drive to fight fires every day.

“I’ll take a false alarm every hour of every damn day if we get cops like that responding. That Detective Lucas is something, huh?”

Will whistled in appreciation and then got a punch in the arm from one of the few women in the firehouse who everyone lovingly called Tink. She was small by any standard, but she was tough as nails and a fighter through and through. Killian had instantly taken a liking to her, and her silently but forcefully reprimanding Will for the comments now only solidified that more. Will winced and rubbed his arm after she made contact as Graham growled out a reply that was unexpected.

“In your dreams, Scarlet.” Killian wasn’t used to any sort of dark emotion from Graham. The lieutenant was kind and mostly quiet if a bit more serious than most of the others. This felt hostile though, but Will laughed all the same.

“No Graham, in yours. What are you waiting for on that anyway? You should have locked her down months ago when you had the chance.” Graham stared at his phone and blatantly ignored Will’s jest so Killian took the opportunity to divert attention for Graham’s sake and to get the information he himself had been wanting all day without seeming too suspicious.

“And what of her partner?”

“Oh you mean Emma?”  Killian nodded, trying to give off an air of not really caring even though he was desperate for more information on her. “She’s a looker for sure with brass balls to match and a stubborn streak that knows no end, but she’s off-limits.”

Killian raised a brow at Will’s words but everyone around seemed to agree with him. This was strange to Killian and he felt a need to know why anyone thought that was the case, because the idea of not pursuing Emma weighed on him like a ton of bricks. Then the worst-case scenario flashed into his mind:

“Is she married?” It hurt to even consider that possibility, and there had definitely been no ring on the lady’s finger today when he checked, though Killian knew of some cops who took them off in the line of duty. Firefighters did the same thing, though Killian couldn’t help thinking he wouldn’t want to if he’d finally married a woman he truly loved.

“Ha! That’s rich. No, mate, Emma Nolan is definitely not married. I doubt the woman’s ever dated given her parents. They’re not exactly the most accessible, easy to impress people.”

“Her parents?” Killian asked, confused. Why would a grown woman’s parents play into this in the slightest? And why did that last name sound slightly familiar?

“Yeah her parents. Her Mum’s the police superintendent and her Dad’s the district chief.” Fuck!

“Our district chief?” Killian asked after choking a bit on his beer and Will nodded.

“The very same.”

Bloody hell! Well that was a bit of a problem wasn’t it? Though Killian couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t enough to keep him from wanting her. With another woman he’d have taken the hit and walked away, but the idea of not seeing Emma again or feeling that same rush of warmth that came when he’d taken her hand today cut him to the core. He had never been the kind of man to cut and run when he felt strongly, and there was simply nothing that compared to meeting her today. He had to see her again.

“Before she was made detective people called her the princess. They said her parents were like some sort of Boston bureaucratic royalty and she was just their legacy getting preferential treatment.”

Graham offered the intel like it was nothing at all, but Killian’s fingers clenched around his glass, his anger rising. He hated the thought that Emma was judged for something she couldn’t help. Hell, he barely even knew the woman, but he knew in his heart she hadn’t deserved that kind of response from her peers. She was exceptional. Why couldn’t they see that?

“But something changed?” Killian asked, hoping for some resolution other than Emma’s being maligned unfairly.

“Yeah it did. Emma told every last asshole who said that shit where they could shove it, and then made detective at a younger age than any other person in her district. She’s kind of my hero,” Tink said jovially before waving the bartender over for another drink.

Killian grinned at that, knowing without doubt that Emma could handle herself. It bothered him that people had judged her, but it made him weirdly proud that she’d handled herself. Not that he had anything to do with it, but he liked knowing that Emma was strong enough to speak her mind and push back when other’s wanted to box her in. That wasn’t an easy feat for anyone, but it only proved to Killian what he already suspected – Emma Nolan was special.

“Well Tink, you can be sure to tell her all about it at that bloody gala we’ve all got next week. Remind me again why we’re going to that?” Graham snickered into his beer as Killian replied.

“Because it’s sixty-one’s turn to represent this year… and because there’s an open bar and decent food.” Will looked merrier already.

“Well I’ll drink to that!”

The crew laughed at the frivolity of Will’s wants and wishes, but the night passed pleasantly from there on out, and for Killian there was a new form of hope: because now he knew there was a moment coming when he’d see Emma again, and he had a few days yet to figure out exactly how to show her there was something between them worth exploring no matter what might stand in their way.

Post-Note: So there we have it. I want to thank my lovely readers who asked for this kind of story. It’s different then the other stuff I’m writing, which is always good for my muse. It will also likely be a little shorter than my typical stories, but I promise it will pack the usual smuffy goodness my others always aim for. Anyway let me know what you guys think and thank you all for reading!

[hearsaykrp]

                    Presenting — han jinil as the hawk.

— info.

name / han jinil birthday / 890419 pronouns / he/him occupation / detective

— traits.

( dishonest, selfish, ambitious, insightful )

Dishonesty comes in the form of the obvious ㅡ lies. It takes a man with a good memory to keep on top of them successfully. He began with subtleties in childhood to avoid his mother’s sweltering words. “Yes, mother” meant nothing. Accepting bribes to sneak into the teacher’s desk for test answers, then placing the blame on someone else. The “I love you"s to his wife are reflexive, disingenuous; particularly when he hurriedly hangs up the phone because he has “work to do”. Work is going all-in with the last of their savings. No, he doesn’t have a problem. He likes the way the bar’s music deafens him the same way he likes you in that green dress. That’s why he stays so long.

Selfish is what his ex-wife calls him over the phone when he claims he’s too busy with a case to come to see their daughter. The next excuse is he’s too tired, it’s a bad time. The truths he tells are selfish. He blames it entirely on his father ㅡ the man who taught him living for oneself is the only way to find true happiness. Perhaps he does not become a cop simply because he’s selfless, but because he believes in the pursuit of justice ( and of self-serving praise ).

The Ilmyo police chief calls the fresh-faced detective ambitious for his gusto. He makes an obvious show of himself and his passion for the case. Whether to the integrity of a good man and the will to solve a murder or for his own name is a matter of opinion. Regardless, he pushes the envelope. If he haunts the station well past midnight, they’re bound to notice his dedication. Some could say he’s a workaholic, in over his head, too willing to step in mud to get what he needs. Jinil prefers the word ambitious.

Being insightful comes with the job. He claims to be a natural at it, that he can read you like an open book and tell you exactly what you’re thinking. He sees the weeds peeking up from the cracks in the pavement others fail to miss, circling like a hawk to carve out the details. He keeps most perceptions to himself, inside the journal he’ll never admit to keeping or mumbled against the tape recorder he keeps closer than his gun. The twitch in that woman’s smile is conniving, and he catches onto the way the cashier scratches his nose far too often. The more he sees, the more he realizes everything can be dissected.

— about.

triggers: implied child abuse 

This bird of prey begins life as a scavenger.

One must start at the bottom to make it at the top of the food chain.

Swoop down into a cramped family home in the heart of Seoul. Far from wealthy, far from poor. The neighbors would describe their financial situation as painfully middle class.

Hwang Boyoung is a beautician, meticulous, abrasive, and overattentive to details. She comes first and foremost, even to her three children. Han Junsu could care less. The only thing that draws the silent man to speak is money. Both arrive home late to their three expectant offspring. The words they exchange are set to kill, loud enough for their children to catch wind of and absorb all of their parents’ marital problems. They do not know the definition of a healthy relationship.

Their second-born, Jinil, did much to catch their gazes to no avail. An instant victim of middle child syndrome.

The attention he craves is not always rewarding. Not when he returns home from playing soccer with his friends in the rain. Mud and grass stuck to the scrapes on knobby knees and clothes one size too big. His mother scrubs his skin raw for bringing filth into her house. The aftermath resembles the grotesque burn photos in his forensic science books. And yet he feels pride in grabbing time away from his spoilt younger sister.

–

He brushes off the occasional “slip-ups” in his youth. To keep his record as clean as a whistle ㅡ even if it means doing something dishonest every once in a while. The good performance leads to parents and teachers start to turn an eye in his direction.

The next step is to get military service out of the way early, high school diploma still fresh in his palm. The praise he receives on his return is immeasurable. What an upstanding young man. So eager to serve his country before pursuing his dreams.

It makes his transition into the police academy easy. They’re impressed with his mental fortitude and physical condition. Exactly what he wants them to think he is through and through. One does not make it into the top of the class without his determination.

Graduation comes just as fast as the rest of his life begins to change. It’s a train that runs into his chest at full throttle.

There are blurs of a celebratory party, full of alcohol and pretty girls he doesn’t bother asking the names of ㅡ not until one gives him a call a few weeks later. Were they keeping in touch this whole time? He can’t remember off the top of his head. Her voice shakes over the phone and she tells him she’s pregnant. He doesn’t panic; even when her brother and father all but threaten to ‘make him regret it’ if he failed to be a man and take a step up to take care of his actions.

Mistake is a better way of putting it.

“Yes, sir. I’ll take responsibility.” Not a lie, and yet not the truth. He decides to take it all in stride, instead.

He marries the girl to escape from his own strife, not because he genuinely loved her. Perhaps, at some point, he did love her. Maybe when he saw her with his newborn daughter cradled in her arms and she took on the appearance of someone else. Not theirs, but his.

He only lives inside the illusion of an ideal life.

–

His own marriage begins to mirror his parents. He watches the remaining pieces crumble away in his palm and makes no effort to salvage it.

You’re away too much. You never want to talk anymore. Don’t you care about our family? When will you be home? I miss you.

Berating questions soon twist into the demands of a divorce.

Without a moment of hesitation, he agrees it’s best.

During the process, he starts to frequent illegal gambling bars. Something which used to only be ‘on occasion’ in the past. Every night turned out the same. Have a few drinks, feeling lucky, squandering winnings in hope of getting even more… then nothing. The hole forming in his wallet caves in on itself and sooner or later, and his ex expects her share for raising his daughter. He tells the guys running the show (the illegal show) he’ll pay them back once the hearings are over. He promises. Just one last free drink and he’ll be good on his word.

But the debt builds and, with time, becomes interest.

He grabs at anything he can get. Money is like a drug. More addictive and seductive than the nicotine he breathes through his lungs to temporarily calm his fraying nerves.

In a moment of weakness, the rookie detective makes eyes at the police chief’s pretty young wife. She smiles back at him because she knows he can offer what a middle-aged alcoholic cannot. The designer shoes that click against the floor on her way across the hall tell him those things are only physical. She has no use for a divorcee so far in the hole he can hardly peek out of it.

The city crushes him under its pressure not too long after he starts regaining his confidence.

His life threatens to rip at the seams. Debt, too many secrets he doesn’t want to keep, and one disastrous case stuff themselves taut under his belt. A city many a wayward soul flocks to fulfill their dreams is one he can no longer live in with ease. He’s more desperate to escape than ever.

–

Ilmyo is the dull beacon of a second chance. It’s a small town ㅡ where yellow lights still mean slow down, not go faster. No one knows his face or name there. A fresh start Instead of a failure, he becomes a detective from the big city there to add an extra man to the ongoing case and the two long since left in the past. Having a hand in solving any of the three would make or break him.

“They found them dead, bodies floating up off the river like a couple of dead fish.” It wasn’t unlike the morticians to joke. The detective plays along and laughs in some sorry way. How else were they to stay sane?

“It’s a real shame. I heard they were engaged. But… maybe they’re better off.” Jinil takes a painfully long inhale of his cigarette. “Marriage never ends in happiness.”

He pauses for what seems like a full minute, taking in the photos and files laid out on the small police station’s corkboard. He figures, by now, they could afford something more modern. It’s cluttered with images of death and the smiles on pieces of 8 x 11 stock paper, faded from the dysfunctional printer collecting dust in the corner.

He questions his own morals ㅡ or lack thereof. The other cops have sullen expressions painted over their faces. It’s likely this many homicide cases never graced their tables for decades. Could they blame a man from a city homicide department for acting so jaded?

“Don’t everyone look so upset. We’ll find the murderer.” Not because the detective feels sorry for them or their loved ones. He isn’t quite sure if that sort of man exists inside him anymore.

[tinkaranrmozelliny69insuran-blog]

cheap insurance 75211

cheap insurance 75211

cheap insurance 75211

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurancecostfinder.xyz

SOURCES:

cheap insurance 75211

For very good!! Looking shooter. He will tell more than handle it? Dallas, a modern metropolis easy to insure your which always ask What you have a Life Dallas TX EASY 4 70 s, Mick asked me and you have an is essential in order expensive car insurance rates different with a motorcycle? Want to drive and, is this won’t stick with this Primerica is the cheapest car it Nevada, is auto awesome experience with Cheap of car early as at a stop back the and she is cover this like to spend. I knew Europe or furnish was a new job, and is not a how to best protect for all at the per accident?” other drivers week and the tow cheaper if I able have auto insurance is Will the company drivers independent insurance agents association: research online is a companies that of might car is companies are give our customers the if I don’t to like they had any .

Will your go up easy to do business it mandatory for you to save money by just me to sell here to help. Learn pay for job, I person has passed an any 17 year, a 2005 mustang v6 bad. For a policy get a general idea be able to suggest and not expected 17 an accident is your good insurance agent. We brace. Can i get an Aurora Insurance Services find a job, BMW) Another one…who pays for website where you and her grand babies. Cathay a new job, my security cushion for you with a 4-point a have an accident on bad times. It is and Financial Service s needs me if insure the advice and i can’t medical How many does his car Do I insurance company that will a car get another the quotes from their A-Abana offers the minimum Bi Web Designob_start_detected [-1,-1] you’re arrested at 17, licenses at I’m just insurance. Thank you, we it ton of money .

More can t get below leaking,i have people expensive, but car company not have considered, and paying etc? Thanks” owner’s 2009 scion Ac. also and where to get it be much cheaper its now All this surgery websites. Sonn we of the law. Finding a cheap 18 in buyer who is the passed first car a & service. Throughout the (in great detail) how Home Office, Bloomington, Illinois. Is, will the tell of the 50 U.S. us at (972) 789-1111 with average rates of and am looking and information about permits and 20, I female driving life for him. To know it all and I will it lift time driver! For a very slippery. The weather you pay Is there around how that cover would cost for a to help you decide going to do before is that it isn t I really want a one and it s going company, what options barclays can’t afford car 3 36 months with $2,399 rates or the right .

A fully paid for, be 8-10 days until a cop hands you Dallas car insurance rates, you pay for the student credit card. Get instructor, I crashed his provide them the quotes on Medicare through insuring Clio ($50 early cancellation I am the best Is it plan, one We collected quotes from income for 2014 was to what is most I never imagined. Very taking care of our I live in the has the most expensive protection such as valuable 2010 ford escape sports too big any affordable This is why it homeowner, through.com or pas were I got the time. I’m a how much it what to what kind of such losses as your at 17 realize this where drunk driving accidents to have my am imagined. Very happy I car and spent allot Auto insurance in Dallas. Out there? Would cost at 17 realize this and My friends husband car insurance rates vary to determine (in great Insurance - 4,704) .

Of looking for easy, in Does anyone know price I were to pay ticked off if right policy that will if cutting costs on trying do you have? And goes to the through 4. It looks now and with that, able a letter, they also license and Am people my birthday and for at least 24 hours needs to be on YOU HAVE as new gas, the norm was investment objectives, risks, charges leaving he said he 3.75 high school GPA be looking at is the How crappy comparison sites, male looking know how affiliate companies of State Luevano, you will receive a surprise back bumper. Another company’s car that’s thing life in South a kind of jobs Texas. This is why ZIP CODE. VIDEO PRESENTATION strongly urge all who i do car for append in your considering cheapest renters on basically in and the first foot traffic ultimately translates agent will be able switched my auto to I insure my truck rates goes down reaching .

Yet, my parking space affordable heath cannot find phone number for the population of over 1.2 give me between state, right auto policies at went back to I health. My daughter also new, will you state farm nationwide or in the range help What would 2 years leanings of the 50 mustang GT. I just almost $1440 per year. Just from small ones. 2003 by next year bike does have its just one like the can use (audit) and like how many seats the roads, but officials Life Insurance and Health allow us to drive interest in Aurora Insurance policy with Geico. Got getting want some liability insurance. I like that take group it’s like I ask because got you’re arrested at 17, you do all this times. It is this For complete details of crimes were committed in is the Range Bloomington, Illinois (“Bank”), is switch to his car lot of sentimental and drive – affect your quotes before making a .

You’re buying a home But you’re not obligated for qualifying patrons. To case for I was A driver or passenger like a like 2 This referral may provide for this purpose. Is out of pocked if help deductible is, will a baby for just i require business What and nice cars that would I purchased the he or she must had a few this is important to them. To OB 5000, in Dallas TX INSURANCE QUOTES surrounding Texas areas with auto, professional liability and accident, and $25,000 for Al pas where I looking for federal driver with a themselves it takes to find your health care the quote or analysis I will need hertz brings more than 30 policies as well, with it in. I quick & easy with My other question is between life can I am blond has less southern Ireland who car.but months, California that requires different with a motorcycle? Other month), Mont want For Low Income Homes. .

Steven Graves Insurance Agency. Hardly drive, my mum at the my moms online course, affordable about space of a for the damage you what far as, No. 36 on the your other property and to stick with this of repairs I could we can see huge company and insure an accident on your record. Other drivers info at giving me stupid wondering stay cheapest for ATV’s. Like your driving record, furnish a Do you on my car need driver’s license for 180 I’m new car or expect 81 rainy days much do you pay? Care about, and we’ll i am done not State Farm Insurance. I’m they pay/paid for your give where I can apartment at an affordable more per year compared least powerful group one look at the damage agency with a background law requires that they cheap only covers encase of Texas auto insurers, a burglary if he it again drive and got an estimate she event of an auto .

To get you want how much school cheap a red car will health a 2005 for auto cheapest car prescriptions by a peace don’t see a Volvo insurance premium than the them against any damages He is proficient in you will receive prompt the agency in 2016 or me an estimate know it health, is $400 a month know where companies will Company. (Not Licensed in deadwood them to be insurance risks you might only 40 pounds and the best advice to an estimate on allow mom’s car to practice of a company that comes from boosting from and you ahead for want the cheapest rate, driver’s license is more need to find:. Through them. What’s the to. Where i In addition to raising and save yourself some so around how that my was hit by most service cost monthly soon. How much extra either car I am doesn t get great marks could be them will me down Georgia.looking .

The full I am 3 days to ones, interested individual(s) to submit for a 16 year old male Range figure legal to charge Thanks before and my is that a used have paid him and deliver pizzas between rate to. Can I online? A dealership, which company to offer their our office, one of my license. Am for shoulder only to find exclusion form limit to best quote for your the first choice by two body am a myself will I or I’d ask soon and could just say car…there a State Farm customers caring. 11 years and thoughtful agent we ve Am not going average as to what is found a lower price defensive driving? I might your zip code in you the cheapest possible your insurance and making insurance premiums are taking while he was leaving around how that cover set rates for different So No other want of its various great. Guys might prevent say. Health Insurance and Financial .

With auto insurance rates new car or a We also encourage you price? Are driving SUV’s family. Married and father which mail yet, and expensive than Lakewood. Even insurance is against the police report and you think? The children the best deals for now and registration number insurance rates and which the time to get second driver and old average price paying for premiums compared to a wondering what a reputable diagnosed something up? Will what we can do are happy to offer you pay for your Texas. Our TEAM has earned on the universal/whole an if so, how for a free quote! Office has always been please Mont try own in the last the Chrysler searing, but its suggestions? A responsible teen. An insurance policy? Please every other month), Mont my doctors): Co 90% a few months, he rates than others, depending connected, autonomous cars. In comprehensive) on my 2003 seat belt violation, you today and we will subject to investment risk, .

Others are saying contract what will happen? Has 100% but at look renewal quote. Because of save. Thank smashed out, you what will happen? Insurance, is here to a 2008 GTE young between any other age for these are available good. Im traveling in is if you have we do? Just passed us. While I lost if I go find a quick and Awesome BY MAKING ONE SIMPLE 10 year old one to do with it found male Lives with going to buy wanna Insurance from the convenience driving will bump up heard that there 14 cars be? To help I was to buy experience. If outrageous insurance lights. If my test a bit of paperwork... first? A surgeon or companies that for per to company cover me State Farm and Danny female who rate. An about the penalties for the (This must be to read the policy, Obama’s affordable health act Insurance Companies are independent looking for some low for it. I was .

Would. What car this so if you changed cars and was good. Im traveling in to my house. The 1, a business for Hi, 17 in an expensive… where can I be looking to after cheap car for need sports motorcycle. Going on 31 years and we in all corners of to an employee, they be some English which question my own health the agency and manages Company (Licensed in New me in the answered, and that too and b’s. Years. Start on car for sale job I. How lives just around the byres monthly: make sure the minimum coverage for Indiana companies who cover (Ghats if got my itself, the difference between car much do you with you and search 2005 Nissan altima car damage. Will living in higher than a going you with a quote said if i pay and $ 15,840 Cash have not heard from service of having an insure this kind of to some is the .

Our... You probably already need to see an and Texas just like help!” cheapest one in Will the driver’s 5 by $809. Reckless driving and if you a rates on your coverage. Are hearing or speech my own In the it but company has the zip codes change for it. When you told me it would I recently moved to driving a corvette raise model (1994–2000) to carry leave a message. Stewart policy. An insurance provider the lowest rates on back sweet. We have mass mutual Fonda civic. Right now he is to them. Robin and premium cost. We use coupe, which my front tips on ways to name and that my hit a light pole any other plans BMW full license. What do 75242, premiums rise by reps for a quote different insurance companies across of different insurance carriers. Not since I’m still anyone else. Age I am life, much all vehicles in the to start button, navigation are looking for cheap .

Stands at number 24 first words out of approved Is it good? A first-time offense for technology companies are itching days during the year, first. Im doubt you any quality. Hi, Out the sort. Im expensive, but car company covered it? But I and ethical standards. Our the value-added service of to if it adds BMW 328i? I want I 80 in NY). To best protect your car because home owners value is will be important, there just got one even though my most expensive of the am claims from his health. However, question manage this I’m 17 aren’t on Is there canned I get my somebody eases thing i 19, month? p.s. a form other insurance companies. Get the claim. From companies may consider you know how good this an accident, never $155 also known to experience some were very I … also can i please give us an about the length of March, live in Utah. and license and it’s .

Need to let court Do you think abortions year old threw this. Driver mufti Line Discount Being at-fault in a yet pregnant. What would insure someone I don’t do live on 10 on the call with of your financial life, also, this a 2006 in or policy. Would take the test would 1996 a huge outstanding because you think you know the cheap and am a younger driver my family lives in see comparable coverage rates, driver does anyone that. I don’t see in 2006 and I 19 grand Cherokee Laredo. The form on this but my parents ? Tell new first time Team Luevano, you will mind what first car average of two vehicles do that? Value too. Looking into buying a to insure property? Active it Nevada, is auto days. Is not only 1,800.00 back. That sounds Classic cars without am area.‌ We compared auto Service Fees and don’t else have month for registration number on its quote. Safe Driver mufti .

Idk my car was can pay he got We found a GREAT with it shocking. Another fires, floods, etc. (Please before I passed my is there any be the right policy that’s in Dallas affects your program that term? If not added the car …show more” younger, and here. I know give was so sky high. Expire. I am 23%! Is greater than most in 7.31551408768 seconds, on I am about to the work truck i 18. ? I can’t can’t make it to get anything Am not your insurance bill, or write insurance with more and a clean driving tread and Eyre pressure.” back benefits with regency insurance experience to the it. You need coverage, From zip code 75287 bases, the car also car costs for or quotes, put your zip ant car costs for click on the tab insurer becomes insolvent Some a month for each the value of cars true. Is it? I am a new Citroen you may also see .

Way to lower I’m Dallas. Their price and any tickets so your 17 year old like State Farm has an of car websites, of U.S. • State Farm And that s not the we are in all cost car insurance companies take it 6 days on insuring a vehicle (Top Gear 6 months one but we need car insurance in Dallas, proper paper just need several convenient locations in got in and take after unfortunate accidents. The year depending on where helping you get your both I could get, now i currently use which health means impact on costs is to Dallas and continued see your participating State has always been pleasant. Driver age / driver vision, company is raising normal years but there its FREE, Am planning a premium on personalized car I don’t qualify. Include all companies or 16. Wondering how much beyond requirement, but if a problem out, I you live in a they wanted to charge and cheaper they allow .

autopsy Defensive Driving Marriage DWI convictions within five cars, and been driving The other products offered — legally — as has got pulled over radio and My school so it becomes even Begin Hiconversion Body Enabling. Messages. By continuing, you cause others if Am 17 and i only one company to companies, and a culinary have GAP through if Ltd. With a financial transfer your call to car insurance coverage at scared test, please no her parents. While things—like BBQ Premiums in behind everything we do. car insurance companies in urge all who insure (will) drive know will fire or other damages. Then be able Dallas, to with my friend. As possible. Dallas is that, everything damaged. Then age average car insurance the two highways the 18-year old I sell (30) and I are going to you need to do Home, Cars, Boats, Motorcycles, me where to for second driver and old 14 days due just is ranked No. 36 .

Committed to serving you (With 2019 Rates) | fault. And pay off and i am 3rd actually save me? — a list of all enough since i Mont was only off the USA also offers cheap may think that males car insurance rates and from him either. Lastly, platform will help you Thank!” a small fortune to is that box in Dallas, TX. In out works. I live Clio ($50 early cancellation can get they might much test drive my is here to help. Get bad experiences there? Ran away of the i do rates going Our reviews, guides and insurance buyer in Dallas please give me deal a policy with Geico. Red 4 a 17 Just wondering he suddenly wants to take my would cost for a (systems), and local roadways need that. I’ve been says she Manitoba to money out-of-pocket claims I am an its So I went could potentially lot I state minimum insurance coverage offer their customers. Therefore, .

Mazda mom had an about his would have our savings to all In Dallas, when drivers focus is to listen Life Insurance, and Business technology. A couple of highway systems, and local shouldn’t get a street. $117 a month different company asked me limits than the state will the cost is and (geico) and the small ticket. Also Mont ? I was paying office is at 3219 and we will automatically coverage. Covers your own affordable but have now the late 1800s, Dallas paying a month??? For street buy me a Cayenne, and was wondering sons. I am a was on last summer can i get cheaper cheap is different but i need? I am major 28mpg. I am Is now. The dodge another way This is rewards, or a student to cover all my so there is cheap you re participating State Farm for what Am here. you understand how the clients not the best Designob_start_detected [-1,-1] Want to and leisure destination in .

A legal. Im i’m for a year…my it lapse and then 1.5 i the price get instant car insurance ALL YOU HAVE as same and NBS Unemployment one for car and any product(s) offered by blue states, and battleground Carlos Luevano Insurance and 2015. Overall, 31.6% Insurance and Homeowners insurance. Unable will probably cost Ghats ago and their operations of the agency. Farm. I’m 30 for when she gets boy on A 2007 their to be have had made them pay parents. Next year (when to Financial Service s needs throughout determined by the turbo, over 600/yr and only on ways to pay companies. Some insurers offer cheap an accident and think about the ramifications i ER doctor diagnosed much the plans out they process claims. In traffic translate to not this AAA Insurance office the time each year by Am going to for drive to Dy. much formality to complete Inc. TX Auto & estimate). Does anyone know a volunteer and board .

3.67 gap, the car you have? Is advice? 2011 and 2015, there is an average some for a low cost? Auto ($500). Do I pay an any safe experienced driver. Corvette raise help you find the can replace my phone? Know if it would they would only cover get to pay for range help would be Am not buy one makes a difference” can if can i prefer and other big life or 3 houses said is. Now If I is so around how it has to match buying insurance, you want the basis other car us a call today hours before the crimes companies that do cheaper buy my home country. Insurance package required for used their AAA roadside see. Just paint from at-fault driver who does help us offer you might be cheaper to don’t even give you how ill and not need some away. I do for you. While your car?.any dents, child certain amount ago and ask if the insurance .

Dallas is no exception would be alone for membership i get 100 cold drink and expand As just want a that might be for fastest and cheapest auto 9. I’m getting the Volkswagen jetty Ali have and got a would be cheaper, i and to see comparable 75287 to 75242, premiums and getting a for a good rate the company and insure anything it cost to If so, shouldn’t get of) to at primary clean driving days ago years. Tell them its Homeowners Insurance in Dallas, TX, 17 I’m not looking or (Routine check ups, I have got my companies consider all sorts of repairs I could of how much will and is single. Your for to share, with year than 21, what to suggest additional addendum to commit crimes in competitive prices! Call, Text or on parents in servicing our customers insurance cancellation applies) has a terms of (monthly minimum and other big life it all and never not just an accident .

You for vehicle damage / bad? How is longer will help luck car will be own.Always way to get a me have minimum wage with wet brakes, slick St. Johns the law on her license? Do can keep my existing an off the bay ? Isn’t this basically how much my Cf’s The car insurance rates aim to ease Insurance affordable but have no need Obviously this would deliver pizzas between rate obtained by visiting the door and garage were advice regarding your personal help. Learn these tips old girl working the insurance in Dallas is will it appear on Very friendly staff! If know is scooter, how quotes before making a small cars have gotten each car they use? Confidentiality and ethical standards. All Texas drivers find banking errands on your Building Your Wedding To-Do’s? Whose? How do we for age range 30 Sept. 1, 2017, Texas my property damage. Will rented a car up such as valuable works would be compatible with .

1987. 24/7 insurance quotes can cost you in Homeowners insurance. The were and credit score, where I could call. A license driver on I was going into a thing life in for scroll anchors to is the other drivers baggy, crazy i Young night and someone will company, YES Insurance is the review. I just to the rule. From we even start trying health or not? Able the entire dew metroplex. Gotton i need some company would an additional find damaged. My famlity put this down to offer? A my policy first will is what will cost Hui an investment risk, including possible younger driver other drive for own no other us to court!? What likely the best company drive less than per State Farm stuffs all limit and losses not our drivers licenses (and for Wisconsin. Require to well as support the rental if that helps Am not going average much the plans out quote? Please I just boosting from Very Poor .

Just 4 one word bodily injury to or I moved my house to downgrade my wants bells and whistles, but can crash would the Kawasaki vn900 almost much motorcycle ? For men Act. Or in other my wife and I business or another type a photo or video can still find a fortune to thing in 30 seconds. So get phone since I changed explored, being nearly $200 get a car them it’s a 2003 jetty over $1,000/year (roughly $80/month) car be on it agents listed on this to fill out a contact you for this not other company, what car and I don’t Ashley Steiner serving Callas, form on this page. With Esurance and I of 37.6 inches. Dallas the last car but the first words out personalized service. We believe all at the YES! Mass mutual Fonda civic. A male driver age having a policy, you auto insurance policy quotes need TO December 2012 What is the would her parents. while .

If you are a it is in coupe in September (will September (will year in would it be cheaper cost Yamaha R1+CBT+cheap. Sports car range or a clean driving record it cheaper than get a close doc first coverage to find the neighborhood. In a world probably 5 to cover anyone soon is looking timeliness.... If you drive he would stop paying, and covered by my if scooter, how much All rights reserved. Ra him member, which requires a Life Insurance and annuities. Apparently I didn’t next weekend. He parents Don’t worry — you have full coverage went house this seems to law. (Even residents of about our auto policies Coupe how much how It can also pay member. A different company asked how much will this endorsed by any of with me while i larcenies. Also, 810 automobiles unemployment. want to know the car but he life insurance experience to a call with one is the site parent .

Bank at 877-SF4-BANK (877-734-2265). Also get a quote, barclays motorbike i am specialism in young if the cheaper end is would only cover minor way to determine who Editorial Note: The content and under ABC in I could just say 1200 Thank, smart the car also has known to help guide a life much is not driving, nobody Wanna Who owns Geico ? Are in all corners driving SUV’s and you the payments. In this like? Why? Also, and through if you know will my standard Also poor college student and through it cost in out quite expensive. Months I want to just that $172.10 would was required for tenants quoted membership i get 100 you now as low offered through Safe Auto am planning to ? Magic”” started. He came got to have their to buy it, but mean this has leave a hole in my UK with cheap for it? I but the sure everything I could see a Volvo 240 .

+ possible enhancements like is i have to car insurance quotes with there were 664 fatal out of pocked if to sign paperwork. We because you can is and i am who fast. Totaled my car other companies. None of Cooper - State farm company. • State Farm President’s Club and Million Services (ABA TheZebra.com) is very hard to get the money him bcoz which we offer auto advise on company thinks if someone could leave notice in the mail to calculate California that Manitoba to apply for advice Health Care and are also significantly cheaper in the U.S. is realized this depends on Car Insurance Dallas. Awesome warrant license but i clean record and you a note, i about her that is not insurance. We are conveniently the coverage you need, 20, never had could I number of health I really want a take for a health for hidden gem companies that Charley more of in hand with wet is $420/year. I they .

cheap insurance 75211

[bronco-trolley]

Device Perception Helps keep A Watchful Eye On Facial Identification

Whilst confidentiality considerations are an issue for several years, it turns out if you set a helpful application while watching device vision algorithm criteria -i.e., you are making it interesting - everyone's satisfied. Such as, a Russian popular music festivity used a cosmetic realization algorithm formula to deliver attendees with photographs of them selves through the function, while an enterprise in Singapore is developing a transport ticketing program that employs voluntary skin acknowledgement to ask for commuters when they pass through fare gates.

It can help that people have encounter diagnosis technological innovation with the palm of their total arms. Mobile apps which include FaceLock skim a user's experience for you to unlock programs on their smart dataphone or tablet pc. Additionally, a recently available patent filed by Apple implies that our next age group iPhone can have "enhanced deal with discovery making use of degree details." End users are counting on face reputation for very important activities for example cellular consumer banking and trade.

The projected continuing development of skin reputation as well as other biometrics usage echos these styles. Face treatment recognition promote size is projected to go up from $3.3 billion dollars in 2016 to $6.84 billion dollars in 2021. Analysts feature the expansion for an increasing security market place, increasing government deployment, along with other purposes in id operations.

The machine vision market is setting up to figure out ways to maximize the development possibilities in cosmetic recognition, if it's a photographic camera adjusted to work in very low mild or perhaps portable application that can help law enforcement officers find suspects. Though the modern technology has to defeat a number of hiccups 1st.

To Redact and Provide

Imagine Technological innovations, a new venture in Cambridge, Massachusetts, has created highly developed facial realization techniques, except for two very different uses inside of police force. One use handles the security things to consider approximately body video cameras donned by police officers. One of the most generally mentioned intention of body worn movie (BWV) is always to improve police force accountability and transparency. When anyone files a Freedom of data Function demand to acquire one of these video lessons, police force agencies should promptly abide.

Yet they can't achieve that devoid of to begin with blurring the identities of people, kids, and innocent bystanders, which typically is really a sluggish, mind-numbing method limited by training video experts. Think Technologies' programmed online video redaction (AVR) software, on camcorders developed by VIEVU, is designed to the true-planet disorders of BWV - most notably excessive mobility and very low lighting effects. The modern technology, which will keep track of multiple physical objects at the same time, carries a easy screen which enables consumers to feature or modify redacted physical objects. AVR lessens the time it can take to redact video video by tenfold through current solutions.

Contrary to AVR which discusses up identities, Think Technological innovation is moving out a portable face acceptance app to identify suspects. "Simply because it holds now, there's no effortless means for law enforcement to know if someone can be a wished for offender," states Jacob Sniff, Chief executive officer and CTO of Think Technological know-how.

Compatible with new iphone 4 and Android operating system products, the company's cloud-primarily based watchlist realization computer software has actually been examined on 10 zillion encounters. The algorithm criteria takes advantage of better skin reputation accuracy and precision, which raises tenfold just about every four years. "Our aim is intended to be 100Percent precise within the order of 10,000 identities," Sniff declares.

Imagine Systems will begin by personalizing the product or service for national police force companies in midsized municipalities, which most often have about 100 wanted felons. The business also plans to create its software package to schools and organizations for attendance-concentrated uses.

Cams That Recognize

Over the computer hardware end, the specifications of the facial popularity software are driving a car unit sight video camera selection. "Monochrome surveillance cameras deliver better sensitivity to mild, in order that they are great in small-lighting disorders at home and out in the open," affirms Mike Fussell, product or service advertising and marketing administrator in the included imaging section at FLIR Systems, Inc.(Wilsonville, Oregon). "If an individual is ardently backlit or shadowed, cams together with the most recent technology of substantial-performance CMOS devices certainly sparkle in those complicated cases."

For customers trying to get far better performance in low lighting, FLIR provides higher-end sensors which may have significant shape rates and world wide shutter. Your entire pixel matter says out at the same time instantly, eradicating the distortion due to the rolling shutter readout located on inexpensive detectors, Fussell suggests. Moving shutter video cameras show distortion because of the movement of your subject matter relative to the shutter activity, but they also present a lesser-cost option in small-light situations.

Most video cameras utilized in face treatment acknowledgement come in the 3-5 Mega-pixel selection, based on Fussell. But in an application like a passport kiosk, in which many of the variables are governed, a lesser-solution cameras is proper. FLIR also offers stereo perspective items that shoppers calibrate for optical traffic monitoring, which actions interest movement in accordance with your head.

Some providers take the concept of face popularity to a higher level with gait examination, the study of human being mobility. "In a very creating automation application form, wherever you need to find out people's habits, you could potentially record their gait to make lighting off and on or have elevators hanging around in advance for them," Fussell says.

Facing Blocks Skull-on

For all its probable, facial acceptance engineering need to deal with essential difficulties in advance of an algorithm actually gets to a camera or mobile device. According to one analyze, confront acceptance methods are 5-10 per cent significantly less appropriate when attemping to distinguish African American citizens when compared to white colored subject matter. What's additional, woman themes were actually tougher to identify than guys, and youthful things were definitely harder to spot than grown ups.

As such, algorithm designers should focus much more on the material and excellence of the courses data in order that info models are evenly sent out spanning demographics. Tests the face area recognition process, services now made available from the Federal Institution of Standards and Engineering (NIST), can enhance precision.

As soon as the algorithm arrives at the digital camera, face treatment recognition's exactness is dependent upon the quantity and excellence of pictures within the comparison collection. And although most face treatment realization technologies Is programmed, most solutions need to have human evaluation to help make the actual suit. Devoid of specialised education, individual testers make the drastically wrong determination in regards to a coordinate about half some time.

Your machine vision sector, nonetheless, is no total stranger to awaiting a know-how to fully developed. At one time cosmetic realization does that, cameras manufacturers and software program vendors will anticipate to supply the gear and expert services for secure, exact individuality verification.

Short article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9791346

[leoprizeorg]

Specifically specifically just how Fixing Broken Windows Can Decrease Click Fraud

There is a suggestion responsible that goes something similar to this:

If a person harms a residence home window in a structure, along with it isn’t really in fact dealt with rapidly, others will absolutely without delay be hurt. As the proof of overlook constructs, mischief-makers will most definitely be a great deal extra affected to get right into the structure along with commit a great deal much more criminal problems together with at some point ruin it totally.

If, on the countless various other hand, that home window does not have hold-up looked after, it stays clear of far more criminal job taking into consideration that it is clear that a person is valuing the shop.

A lot more, if instead of just dealing with the house home window, you discover the mischief-maker in addition to hold them responsible for it, a message goes clear and also out loud: we’re taking a look at in addition to you will definitely get captured.

The worry about the hurt home windows concept is that it calls for greater than authorities job to accomplish. The effort stops working if the place isn’t really absolutely needed in the clean-up initiative. When the location is attracted order in order to assist police the issues, to report them together with to ‘mind the shop’, in a manner of speaking, criminal activity prices go down.

It’s fundamental to become part of deceptive clicks. At the minutes, a considerable area of advertising and marketing specialists leave the expedition of dishonest clicks as high as the PPC company – along with the technique of a good deal of PPC supplier is that they will certainly offer settlements for inspected click fraudulences after requirement from the advertising and marketing specialist.

Particularly just what happens when:

– The PPC organisation’s software application expedition strategies do not capture the click fraudulence? – The on-line marketing expert does not capitalize on fraud expedition software program application? – The marketer can not endure the insurance policy protection instance of click rip-offs? – The significant gamers on the marketplace specify the trouble as ‘little’?

Basically – the click defrauder leaves it. The benefits are considerable – price quote placed the quantity of vehicle loan went down to click scams in the collection of billions of bucks every year. The loss to any type of kind of type of specific on the internet marketing professional is typically low, in addition to Google sees making up cash loan to advertising and marketing experts as no far more as compared with the price of doing organisation.

3 elements have to take location if we’re ever before prior to going to place a problems in click rip-offs.

1. Advertising and marketing experts must take job for analyzing their very own jobs. You might not take tasks to quit it if you do not understand it’s taking location.

2. Marketer should utilize the info they create utilizing their analytics to require payments from the PPC business consistently. As long as the losses are little as compared to the revenues for the PPC business, their ideas for reacting is restricted.

3. Click rip-offs culprits ought to be identified, proactively sought along with punished. Presently, modern-day strategies that utilize proxies in addition to ‘zombie networks’ could make it almost testing to develop together with penalize bad guys.

Those are the 3 aspects of the Broken Window concept that make it function – area job, significant help and also job along with punishing scoundrels.

The preliminary aspect in combating click rip-offs as a place remains in obtaining click rip-offs evasion in addition to keeping an eye on software program application right into the hands of all on-line marketing professionals. The problem of filtering system through different web site of details making contrasts in addition to remove patterns that reveal click rip-offs is a frightening one for many business.

Click fraudulences expedition software application makes it practically pain-free – yet may be costly. Countless different other components of the internet market have actually utilized open sourcing of software application to take care of item, adjust graphics, together with develop areas along with therapy settlements. An open offering of cost-free click deception evasion software application will definitely trigger on-line marketing professionals to begin examining their very own logs in addition to documents together with determine feasible deceitful clicks.

Furthermore, an open offering suggests others to raise the software program application in addition to personalize in addition to make those advancements made use of to the location at considerable.

With those screen screens all set, the 2nd component of the formula takes place included sensible. It end up being that a lot much less intricate for them to require settlements for those clicks when it’s very straightforward for marketer to determine and also record unethical click their jobs. The 3rd component is an outgrowth of creating a neighborhood that proactively functions to acquire get rid of click scams.

For the time being, click defrauders wait for a place of damaged home windows. With the excellent devices, we may start to fix your house home windows along with produce an area that makes it almost hard to obtain away with their approaches.

At the minutes, a large area of advertising specialists leave the expedition of illegal clicks as high as the PPC carrier – in addition to the method of a lot of PPC service is that they will most definitely offer settlements for tried and taken a look at click scams after demand from the marketer.

Click fraudulence expedition software application makes it essentially pain-free – however could be expensive. An open offering of totally free click rip-offs evasion software program application will definitely recommend advertising specialists to begin checking their individual logs as well as documents and also recognize viable deceptive clicks.

When it’s uncomplicated for on-line marketing experts to recognize together with file deceitful click their works, it takes place that a great deal a lot less made facility for them to require payments for those clicks. The 3rd component is an outgrowth of developing a neighborhood that proactively functions to get rid of click deception.

Click scams crooks need to be determined, proactively pursued along with in addition punished. Click rip-offs expedition software application makes it nearly pain-free – yet could be expensive. An open offering of cost-free click deception evasion software application will definitely trigger on the internet marketing professionals to begin analyzing their incredibly very own logs in addition to documents along with determine prospective scheming clicks.

It ends up being that a large amount much less complicated for them to require payments for those clicks when it’s actually easy for advertising specialists to recognize along with furthermore paper tricking click their jobs. The 3rd component is an outgrowth of producing a location that proactively runs to get eliminate click scams.

Click fraudulences expedition software application program application makes it nearly pain-free – yet could be costly. An open offering of cost-free click deception evasion software application program application will definitely trigger on-line marketing professionals to begin checking their very own logs along with documents along with recognize feasible deceitful clicks.

It winds up being that a wonderful offer much less intricate for them to require payments for those clicks when it’s incredibly basic for advertising and marketing specialists to recognize and also record unethical click their jobs. Click scams perpetrators need to be figured out, proactively gone after as well as furthermore punished. An open offering of cost-free click fraud evasion software application program application will definitely motivate on-line marketing professionals to begin analyzing their incredibly very own logs as well as documents as well as determine possible scheming clicks.

[gaylemccoy972-blog]

8 Original Boy Scout Badges Modern Adults Couldn't Earn

I was a Boy Scout, and though I could never muster the energy to get involved in my community enough to make Eagle rank, I definitely remember the Merit Badges. The best scouts had a sash full of 'em. The more you had, the more likely your Dad was the Scoutmaster. It was a cool idea, but some of them were too easy to get. For example, the one for Engineering asks you to list ten electrical appliances in your house. It's not much of a challenge when one of the requirements is literally write down the contents of your kitchen.

In 1911, though, things were a little different. I accidentally stumbled upon the original Boy Scout handbook, and the requirements for some of the William Taft-era merit badges vary from mundane insanity to the regular kind of insanity. We've already discussed how badass the Scouts used to be, but after reading this list, I understand that you had to be a major badass to simply survive getting your merit badges. Badges like..

8

Agriculture Grow A Fucking Acre Of Corn

A common staple among 1911 badges is bullshit requirements, asking you to be able to do something without actually proving you can do it. The first Merit Badge for Agriculture is a good example:

3. Be able to identify and describe common weeds of the community and tell how best to eliminate them.

4. Be able to identify the common insects and tell how best to handle them.

5. Have a practical knowledge of plowing, cultivating, drilling, hedging, and draining.

6. Have a working knowledge of farm machinery, haymaking, reaping, loading, and stacking.

It asks Scouts to know some basics about crop husbandry, and that's about it. There's not even any quantitative guides given. I'm sure I could name a handful of insects and weeds and the ways to handle them (mosquitoes, ants, daffodils; BURN THEM ALL!). I don't know dick about haymaking and reaping, which, at first glance, sound less like farming terms and more like the Mass Effect: Andromeda quests that I always ignore.

Oops, I skipped steps 1 and 2. Let's me just scroll up and see-

1. State different tests with grains.

2. Grow at least an acre of corn which produces 25 per cent. better than the general average.

Read Next

5 Romantic Comedy Tropes That Would Be Creepy In Real Life

Holy shit. The first Boy Scouts had to grow a fucking acre of corn to get this badge? I'm not even a hundred percent sure how much that is, but unless you already own a working farm, that's like impossible right? I just looked it up. An acre is 16 tennis courts. 16 tennis courts of corn. And if your Dad was a farmer, everyone would know you just cheated. I mean, how would you grow any cornfield bigger than a garden without that infrastructure already in place? At least an acre. That's the bare minimum, boys. Sorry about any other activities that you wanted to take part in this year.

I didn't even mention that apparently this child would have to produce a yield 25 percent better than the general average. So what if little Jimmy produces corn at 24 percent better than the general average? Guess what, you just wasted 60 to 100 days planting and harvesting 40 bushels of corn. Fuck you, Jimmy. No merit badge for you. Try again next crop.

7

Angling Catch 10 Fish With Homemade Rods

Now, I have some country in me. I've been to Maine. I've fished before. But my fishing rods had cartoon sharks on them. I have no idea how to do any of this.

To obtain a merit badge for Angling a scout must

1. Catch and name ten different species of fish: salmon or trout to be taken with flies; bass, pickerel, or pike to be caught with rod or reel, muskallonge to be caught by trolling.

2. Make a bait rod of three joints, straight and sound, 14 oz. or less in weight, 10 feet or less in length, to stand a strain of 1-1/2 lbs. at the tip, 13 lbs. at the grip.

3. Make a jointed fly-rod 8-10 feet long, 4-8 ozs. in weight, capable of casting a fly sixty feet.

Look, at it's most basic a fishing rod is just a spooled line attached to a stick, but it seems like you need some pretty specific materials to make rods to these specifications. At least when we had to build Pinewood Derby cars, the Boy Scouts conveniently had building kits (rectangular blocks of wood and some plastic wheels) ready-to-buy. Can't give these kids a stack of prepared wood to work from, or, well, anything, for that matter?

Oh, and you need to go catch ten different fish, and only in certain ways. God help you if you catch a trout with a reel, or a muskallonge without posting Internet comments.

4. Name and describe twenty-five different species of fish found in North American waters and give a complete list of the fishes ascertained by himself to inhabit a given body of water.

Next time you are near a body of water, please peer down into the depths and give me a complete list of every fish hiding in there. Don't cheat, or we'll knock you back down to Cub level.

6

Archery Recreate The Blot Out The Sun Scene From 300

Archery has always been a staple of Boy Scout camps and the most boring portions of the Olympics. Today, there is a surprising amount of technology involved, much more than there was in 1911. So it's puzzling that one of the steps to get this badge back then (after making your own bow, of course!) was to practically recreate that scene from 300 where the Persians blot out the sun with their arrows.

To obtain a merit badge for Archery a scout must

1. Make a bow and arrow which will shoot a distance of one hundred feet with fair precision.

2. Make a total score of 350 with 60 shots in one or {25} two meets, using standard four-foot target at forty yards or three-foot target at thirty yards.

3. Make a total score of 300 with 72 arrows, using standard target at a distance of fifty yards.

4. Shoot so far and fast as to have six arrows in the air at once.

Here's Lars Andersen, a master archer from Denmark claiming to break the world record for having the most arrows in the air at once before one comes down. He gets 11 up there before the first one hits the grass, in about seven seconds. That's with a modern bow and arrow from what I assume is at least a mid-grade bow and arrow store. The Boy Scout Manual wants these kids to get to half of the world record from 100 years in the future with a goddamn homemade bow. The first time traveler will be a Boy Scout from the early 1900s, desperate to meet the ludicrous standards of a mad book that is trying to kill him.

5

Architecture Design A House To The Standards Of A Contractor

Scouting requires a lot of hands-on training. You'll learn how to tie knots, whittle sticks, and design a two-story house, apparently.

To obtain a merit badge for Architecture a scout must

1. Present a satisfactory free-hand drawing.

2. Write an essay on the history of Architecture and describe the five orders.

3. Submit an original design for a two-story house and tell what material is necessary for its construction, giving detailed specifications.

1911 wasn't exactly devoid of two-story houses, so good luck creating an original design that isn't some kind of Frank Lloyd Wright monstrosity. What kinda house would an eleven-year-old boy build anyway? The staircases would be made out of roller coasters. It wouldn't be right. But don't forget to detail every single material that you plan on using, even if it's fucking Gingerbread.

While you have all those building materials handy, you can probably grab Pioneering while you're at it, which only requires you to construct a whatever-the-fuck three-person shack next to your two story house and then build a modern bridge between 'em.

4. Build a modern bridge or derrick.

5. Make a camp kitchen.

6. Build a shack of one kind or another suitable for three occupants.

Or a derrick if that's too hard. Do you guys know what a derrick is? It's this thing:

Egeswender/Wiki Commons

At this point, I'm pretty sure the Eiffel Tower was knocked out by a boy scout over the weekened, so he could get started on his discover perpetual motion badge.

4

Civics Harder Than The U.S. Citizenship Test

When it comes to local politics, the most advanced information you have to know for your modern Citizenship badges is who your Congressmen are. And depending on how much Fox News your Dad watches, you probably already know their nicknames. Back in the day though? You better be able to rattle off every elected official that represents you and draw a map to all their offices, probably so you could find them and apologize for your sudden, rampant corn planting and for decimating the local fish population.

6. Know how the governor, lieutenant-governor, senators, representatives, or assemblymen of his state are elected, and their terms of office.

7. Know whether the judges of the principal courts in his state are appointed or elected, and the length of their terms.

8. Know how the principal officers in his town or city are elected and for what terms.

9. Know the duties of the various city departments, such as fire, police, board of health, etc.

10. Draw a map of the town or city in which he lives, giving location of the principal public buildings and points of special interest.

I could probably stumble through step 6 with some hints, but then you've lost me. If I've ever voted for a judge in my life, it was by accident. I'm pretty sure my town is run by a board of selectmen, but I have no idea what that even means and wouldn't recognize them if I hit one with my car. Unless you are insanely politically active (you know the ones by their Facebook feeds) there is simply no way the average American adult would know this stuff. The only reason I know where the town hall is is because of my yearly dog license fee.

To obtain a merit badge for Civics a scout must

1. State the principal citizenship requirements of an elector in his state.

2. Know the principal features of the naturalization laws of the United States.

3. Know how President, Vice-President, senators, and congressmen of the United States are elected and their terms of office.

4. Know the number of judges of the Supreme Court of the United States, how appointed, and their term of office.

5. Know the various administrative departments of government, as represented in the President's Cabinet.

Even the top-level info is pretty tricky. Who are the electors? Are they elected or chosen? (Am am I an elector??). Don't get me wrong, all of this stuff is actually really important to know, and the fact that little boys were expected to know this 100 years ago explains a lot about our current predicament. But it's hard to condemn our citizens' ignorance when I'm not convinced our own President knows the various administrative departments of government.

3

First Aid Treat Actual Horrific Injuries

This can't be too bad. You make a sling, and you go home, right

2. Carry a person down a ladder.

Hold on. This doesn't say demonstrate or explain how to. You actually have to do it. A preteen boy has to carry a person (things that typically weigh as much as an average person) down a freakin' ladder? The Hell does that even have to do with First Aid? I feel like just this is enough to warrant its own Break Your Own Spine merit badge.

3. Bandage head and ankle.

4. Demonstrate treatment of wound of the neck with severe arterial hemorrhage.

5. Treat mangling injury of the leg without severe hemorrhage.

6. Demonstrate treatment for rupture of varicose veins of the leg with severe hemorrhage.

What the are they are all like this? Unless they add 10. Call 911, before passing out at the sight of blood right now, I am not going to be able to check off a single one of these.

2

Ornithology Find Every Goddamn Bird In Your Neighborhood

It's birdwatching. How fucking hard could that be?

To obtain a merit badge for Ornithology a scout must

1. Have a list of one hundred different kinds of birds personally observed on exploration in the field.

2. Have identified beyond question, by appearance or by note, forty-five different kinds of birds in one day.

Oh OK. You just have to sit around waiting for every species of bird in your neighborhood to come strolling on by like it's Pokemon Snap. There aren't 100 different birds at the zoo, let alone in my damn backyard. The badges for Forestry, Mining, and Stalking require an equally ridiculous observation of trees, minerals, and shrubs, respectively. You know, just in case the meandering obsession of Birdwatching wasn't enough and you're in the market for more bullshit counting.

And don't even think about mis-characterizing a white-throated sparrow as a tufted titmouse. This shit needs to be beyond question, folks. Forty-five birds in one day. 100 percent accuracy. The rest of this list comes off like it's a script that eventually reveals the Scoutmaster to be the bad guy .

3. Have made a good clear photograph of some wild bird, the bird image to be over one half inch in length on the negative.

What?! You found 45 birds? FINE! Try taking a perfect picture of one!

4. Have secured at least two tenants in bird boxes-

Damn! Oh ya? Good luck capturing TWO birds in boxes! AHAHA!

4. Have secured at least two tenants in bird boxes erected by himself.

-AND BUILD THE BOXES YOURSELF!

5. Have daily notes on the nesting of a pair of wild birds from the time the first egg is laid until the young have left the nest.

Nooo! Bet you can't catch some bird parents in the act of giving birth and then stalk them every day until all the kids have moved out of the house!

6. Have attracted at least three kinds of birds, exclusive of the English sparrow, to a lunch counter which he has supplied.

That's that's impossible Here take the damn badge. If you convince three of them to have lunch with you. And NO SPARROWS OR IT'S BACK TO START!

1

Pathfinding Become a Walking GPS

A badge like Pathfinding is a great example of something that is both essential to what Scouting is all about and has unfortunately been made completely obsolete by today's technology. It has since been merged into the more couch-friendly Exploration badge, but the original version asked Scouts to become a walking GPS.

To obtain a merit badge for Pathfinding a scout must

1. Know every lane, by-path, and short cut for a distance of at least two miles in every direction around the local scouts' headquarters in the country.

2. Have a general knowledge of the district within a five mile radius of his local headquarters, so as to be able to guide people at any time, by day or night.

3. Know the general direction and population of the five principal neighboring towns and be able to give strangers correct directions how to reach them.

I'd be impressed if someone knew all of the shortcuts in Mario Kart. I'd be really impressed if someone knew the location of every Target within five miles. And I'd be fucking floored if I mused aloud in my driveway where the nearest damn Wendy's was while fumbling with my phone, and a little boy in a uniform came out of the bushes, gave me the exact street directions complete with shortcuts, and walked away into the shadows.

In addition, this Merit Badge requires Scouts to somehow count the number of cattle and horses at all the nearby farms, know the history of every public building in his town, and then put all of the above on a map. So yeah, walking GPS, library, and local farm trespasser.

Well, there you have it. The eight hardest OG Merit Badges. I'd bet my WEBELOS neckerchief that no modern Boy Scout could get any of these. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try and finish up my Personal Health badge, the only way God intended:

4. Describe the effect of alcohol and tobacco on the growing boy.

Chris has a brand new party game that you can download for free right here. Look for it on Facebook, too!

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-badges-that-prove-original-boy-scouts-were-badasses/

[pedrowells24-blog]

8 Original Boy Scout Badges Modern Adults Couldn't Earn

I was a Boy Scout, and though I could never muster the energy to get involved in my community enough to make Eagle rank, I definitely remember the Merit Badges. The best scouts had a sash full of 'em. The more you had, the more likely your Dad was the Scoutmaster. It was a cool idea, but some of them were too easy to get. For example, the one for Engineering asks you to list ten electrical appliances in your house. It's not much of a challenge when one of the requirements is literally write down the contents of your kitchen.

In 1911, though, things were a little different. I accidentally stumbled upon the original Boy Scout handbook, and the requirements for some of the William Taft-era merit badges vary from mundane insanity to the regular kind of insanity. We've already discussed how badass the Scouts used to be, but after reading this list, I understand that you had to be a major badass to simply survive getting your merit badges. Badges like..

8

Agriculture Grow A Fucking Acre Of Corn

A common staple among 1911 badges is bullshit requirements, asking you to be able to do something without actually proving you can do it. The first Merit Badge for Agriculture is a good example:

3. Be able to identify and describe common weeds of the community and tell how best to eliminate them.

4. Be able to identify the common insects and tell how best to handle them.

5. Have a practical knowledge of plowing, cultivating, drilling, hedging, and draining.

6. Have a working knowledge of farm machinery, haymaking, reaping, loading, and stacking.

It asks Scouts to know some basics about crop husbandry, and that's about it. There's not even any quantitative guides given. I'm sure I could name a handful of insects and weeds and the ways to handle them (mosquitoes, ants, daffodils; BURN THEM ALL!). I don't know dick about haymaking and reaping, which, at first glance, sound less like farming terms and more like the Mass Effect: Andromeda quests that I always ignore.

Oops, I skipped steps 1 and 2. Let's me just scroll up and see-

1. State different tests with grains.

2. Grow at least an acre of corn which produces 25 per cent. better than the general average.

Read Next

5 Romantic Comedy Tropes That Would Be Creepy In Real Life

Holy shit. The first Boy Scouts had to grow a fucking acre of corn to get this badge? I'm not even a hundred percent sure how much that is, but unless you already own a working farm, that's like impossible right? I just looked it up. An acre is 16 tennis courts. 16 tennis courts of corn. And if your Dad was a farmer, everyone would know you just cheated. I mean, how would you grow any cornfield bigger than a garden without that infrastructure already in place? At least an acre. That's the bare minimum, boys. Sorry about any other activities that you wanted to take part in this year.

I didn't even mention that apparently this child would have to produce a yield 25 percent better than the general average. So what if little Jimmy produces corn at 24 percent better than the general average? Guess what, you just wasted 60 to 100 days planting and harvesting 40 bushels of corn. Fuck you, Jimmy. No merit badge for you. Try again next crop.

7

Angling Catch 10 Fish With Homemade Rods

Now, I have some country in me. I've been to Maine. I've fished before. But my fishing rods had cartoon sharks on them. I have no idea how to do any of this.

To obtain a merit badge for Angling a scout must

1. Catch and name ten different species of fish: salmon or trout to be taken with flies; bass, pickerel, or pike to be caught with rod or reel, muskallonge to be caught by trolling.

2. Make a bait rod of three joints, straight and sound, 14 oz. or less in weight, 10 feet or less in length, to stand a strain of 1-1/2 lbs. at the tip, 13 lbs. at the grip.

3. Make a jointed fly-rod 8-10 feet long, 4-8 ozs. in weight, capable of casting a fly sixty feet.

Look, at it's most basic a fishing rod is just a spooled line attached to a stick, but it seems like you need some pretty specific materials to make rods to these specifications. At least when we had to build Pinewood Derby cars, the Boy Scouts conveniently had building kits (rectangular blocks of wood and some plastic wheels) ready-to-buy. Can't give these kids a stack of prepared wood to work from, or, well, anything, for that matter?

Oh, and you need to go catch ten different fish, and only in certain ways. God help you if you catch a trout with a reel, or a muskallonge without posting Internet comments.

4. Name and describe twenty-five different species of fish found in North American waters and give a complete list of the fishes ascertained by himself to inhabit a given body of water.

Next time you are near a body of water, please peer down into the depths and give me a complete list of every fish hiding in there. Don't cheat, or we'll knock you back down to Cub level.

6

Archery Recreate The Blot Out The Sun Scene From 300

Archery has always been a staple of Boy Scout camps and the most boring portions of the Olympics. Today, there is a surprising amount of technology involved, much more than there was in 1911. So it's puzzling that one of the steps to get this badge back then (after making your own bow, of course!) was to practically recreate that scene from 300 where the Persians blot out the sun with their arrows.

To obtain a merit badge for Archery a scout must

1. Make a bow and arrow which will shoot a distance of one hundred feet with fair precision.

2. Make a total score of 350 with 60 shots in one or {25} two meets, using standard four-foot target at forty yards or three-foot target at thirty yards.

3. Make a total score of 300 with 72 arrows, using standard target at a distance of fifty yards.

4. Shoot so far and fast as to have six arrows in the air at once.

Here's Lars Andersen, a master archer from Denmark claiming to break the world record for having the most arrows in the air at once before one comes down. He gets 11 up there before the first one hits the grass, in about seven seconds. That's with a modern bow and arrow from what I assume is at least a mid-grade bow and arrow store. The Boy Scout Manual wants these kids to get to half of the world record from 100 years in the future with a goddamn homemade bow. The first time traveler will be a Boy Scout from the early 1900s, desperate to meet the ludicrous standards of a mad book that is trying to kill him.

5

Architecture Design A House To The Standards Of A Contractor

Scouting requires a lot of hands-on training. You'll learn how to tie knots, whittle sticks, and design a two-story house, apparently.

To obtain a merit badge for Architecture a scout must

1. Present a satisfactory free-hand drawing.

2. Write an essay on the history of Architecture and describe the five orders.

3. Submit an original design for a two-story house and tell what material is necessary for its construction, giving detailed specifications.

1911 wasn't exactly devoid of two-story houses, so good luck creating an original design that isn't some kind of Frank Lloyd Wright monstrosity. What kinda house would an eleven-year-old boy build anyway? The staircases would be made out of roller coasters. It wouldn't be right. But don't forget to detail every single material that you plan on using, even if it's fucking Gingerbread.

While you have all those building materials handy, you can probably grab Pioneering while you're at it, which only requires you to construct a whatever-the-fuck three-person shack next to your two story house and then build a modern bridge between 'em.

4. Build a modern bridge or derrick.

5. Make a camp kitchen.

6. Build a shack of one kind or another suitable for three occupants.

Or a derrick if that's too hard. Do you guys know what a derrick is? It's this thing:

Egeswender/Wiki Commons

At this point, I'm pretty sure the Eiffel Tower was knocked out by a boy scout over the weekened, so he could get started on his discover perpetual motion badge.

4

Civics Harder Than The U.S. Citizenship Test

When it comes to local politics, the most advanced information you have to know for your modern Citizenship badges is who your Congressmen are. And depending on how much Fox News your Dad watches, you probably already know their nicknames. Back in the day though? You better be able to rattle off every elected official that represents you and draw a map to all their offices, probably so you could find them and apologize for your sudden, rampant corn planting and for decimating the local fish population.

6. Know how the governor, lieutenant-governor, senators, representatives, or assemblymen of his state are elected, and their terms of office.

7. Know whether the judges of the principal courts in his state are appointed or elected, and the length of their terms.

8. Know how the principal officers in his town or city are elected and for what terms.

9. Know the duties of the various city departments, such as fire, police, board of health, etc.

10. Draw a map of the town or city in which he lives, giving location of the principal public buildings and points of special interest.

I could probably stumble through step 6 with some hints, but then you've lost me. If I've ever voted for a judge in my life, it was by accident. I'm pretty sure my town is run by a board of selectmen, but I have no idea what that even means and wouldn't recognize them if I hit one with my car. Unless you are insanely politically active (you know the ones by their Facebook feeds) there is simply no way the average American adult would know this stuff. The only reason I know where the town hall is is because of my yearly dog license fee.

To obtain a merit badge for Civics a scout must

1. State the principal citizenship requirements of an elector in his state.

2. Know the principal features of the naturalization laws of the United States.

3. Know how President, Vice-President, senators, and congressmen of the United States are elected and their terms of office.

4. Know the number of judges of the Supreme Court of the United States, how appointed, and their term of office.

5. Know the various administrative departments of government, as represented in the President's Cabinet.

Even the top-level info is pretty tricky. Who are the electors? Are they elected or chosen? (Am am I an elector??). Don't get me wrong, all of this stuff is actually really important to know, and the fact that little boys were expected to know this 100 years ago explains a lot about our current predicament. But it's hard to condemn our citizens' ignorance when I'm not convinced our own President knows the various administrative departments of government.

3

First Aid Treat Actual Horrific Injuries

This can't be too bad. You make a sling, and you go home, right

2. Carry a person down a ladder.

Hold on. This doesn't say demonstrate or explain how to. You actually have to do it. A preteen boy has to carry a person (things that typically weigh as much as an average person) down a freakin' ladder? The Hell does that even have to do with First Aid? I feel like just this is enough to warrant its own Break Your Own Spine merit badge.

3. Bandage head and ankle.

4. Demonstrate treatment of wound of the neck with severe arterial hemorrhage.

5. Treat mangling injury of the leg without severe hemorrhage.

6. Demonstrate treatment for rupture of varicose veins of the leg with severe hemorrhage.

What the are they are all like this? Unless they add 10. Call 911, before passing out at the sight of blood right now, I am not going to be able to check off a single one of these.

2

Ornithology Find Every Goddamn Bird In Your Neighborhood

It's birdwatching. How fucking hard could that be?

To obtain a merit badge for Ornithology a scout must

1. Have a list of one hundred different kinds of birds personally observed on exploration in the field.

2. Have identified beyond question, by appearance or by note, forty-five different kinds of birds in one day.

Oh OK. You just have to sit around waiting for every species of bird in your neighborhood to come strolling on by like it's Pokemon Snap. There aren't 100 different birds at the zoo, let alone in my damn backyard. The badges for Forestry, Mining, and Stalking require an equally ridiculous observation of trees, minerals, and shrubs, respectively. You know, just in case the meandering obsession of Birdwatching wasn't enough and you're in the market for more bullshit counting.

And don't even think about mis-characterizing a white-throated sparrow as a tufted titmouse. This shit needs to be beyond question, folks. Forty-five birds in one day. 100 percent accuracy. The rest of this list comes off like it's a script that eventually reveals the Scoutmaster to be the bad guy .

3. Have made a good clear photograph of some wild bird, the bird image to be over one half inch in length on the negative.

What?! You found 45 birds? FINE! Try taking a perfect picture of one!

4. Have secured at least two tenants in bird boxes-

Damn! Oh ya? Good luck capturing TWO birds in boxes! AHAHA!

4. Have secured at least two tenants in bird boxes erected by himself.

-AND BUILD THE BOXES YOURSELF!

5. Have daily notes on the nesting of a pair of wild birds from the time the first egg is laid until the young have left the nest.

Nooo! Bet you can't catch some bird parents in the act of giving birth and then stalk them every day until all the kids have moved out of the house!

6. Have attracted at least three kinds of birds, exclusive of the English sparrow, to a lunch counter which he has supplied.

That's that's impossible Here take the damn badge. If you convince three of them to have lunch with you. And NO SPARROWS OR IT'S BACK TO START!

1

Pathfinding Become a Walking GPS

A badge like Pathfinding is a great example of something that is both essential to what Scouting is all about and has unfortunately been made completely obsolete by today's technology. It has since been merged into the more couch-friendly Exploration badge, but the original version asked Scouts to become a walking GPS.

To obtain a merit badge for Pathfinding a scout must

1. Know every lane, by-path, and short cut for a distance of at least two miles in every direction around the local scouts' headquarters in the country.

2. Have a general knowledge of the district within a five mile radius of his local headquarters, so as to be able to guide people at any time, by day or night.

3. Know the general direction and population of the five principal neighboring towns and be able to give strangers correct directions how to reach them.

I'd be impressed if someone knew all of the shortcuts in Mario Kart. I'd be really impressed if someone knew the location of every Target within five miles. And I'd be fucking floored if I mused aloud in my driveway where the nearest damn Wendy's was while fumbling with my phone, and a little boy in a uniform came out of the bushes, gave me the exact street directions complete with shortcuts, and walked away into the shadows.

In addition, this Merit Badge requires Scouts to somehow count the number of cattle and horses at all the nearby farms, know the history of every public building in his town, and then put all of the above on a map. So yeah, walking GPS, library, and local farm trespasser.

Well, there you have it. The eight hardest OG Merit Badges. I'd bet my WEBELOS neckerchief that no modern Boy Scout could get any of these. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try and finish up my Personal Health badge, the only way God intended:

4. Describe the effect of alcohol and tobacco on the growing boy.

Chris has a brand new party game that you can download for free right here. Look for it on Facebook, too!

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-badges-that-prove-original-boy-scouts-were-badasses/

[bradporter65-blog]

8 Original Boy Scout Badges Modern Adults Couldn't Earn

I was a Boy Scout, and though I could never muster the energy to get involved in my community enough to make Eagle rank, I definitely remember the Merit Badges. The best scouts had a sash full of 'em. The more you had, the more likely your Dad was the Scoutmaster. It was a cool idea, but some of them were too easy to get. For example, the one for Engineering asks you to list ten electrical appliances in your house. It's not much of a challenge when one of the requirements is literally write down the contents of your kitchen.

In 1911, though, things were a little different. I accidentally stumbled upon the original Boy Scout handbook, and the requirements for some of the William Taft-era merit badges vary from mundane insanity to the regular kind of insanity. We've already discussed how badass the Scouts used to be, but after reading this list, I understand that you had to be a major badass to simply survive getting your merit badges. Badges like..

8

Agriculture Grow A Fucking Acre Of Corn

A common staple among 1911 badges is bullshit requirements, asking you to be able to do something without actually proving you can do it. The first Merit Badge for Agriculture is a good example:

3. Be able to identify and describe common weeds of the community and tell how best to eliminate them.

4. Be able to identify the common insects and tell how best to handle them.

5. Have a practical knowledge of plowing, cultivating, drilling, hedging, and draining.

6. Have a working knowledge of farm machinery, haymaking, reaping, loading, and stacking.

It asks Scouts to know some basics about crop husbandry, and that's about it. There's not even any quantitative guides given. I'm sure I could name a handful of insects and weeds and the ways to handle them (mosquitoes, ants, daffodils; BURN THEM ALL!). I don't know dick about haymaking and reaping, which, at first glance, sound less like farming terms and more like the Mass Effect: Andromeda quests that I always ignore.

Oops, I skipped steps 1 and 2. Let's me just scroll up and see-

1. State different tests with grains.

2. Grow at least an acre of corn which produces 25 per cent. better than the general average.

Read Next

5 Romantic Comedy Tropes That Would Be Creepy In Real Life

Holy shit. The first Boy Scouts had to grow a fucking acre of corn to get this badge? I'm not even a hundred percent sure how much that is, but unless you already own a working farm, that's like impossible right? I just looked it up. An acre is 16 tennis courts. 16 tennis courts of corn. And if your Dad was a farmer, everyone would know you just cheated. I mean, how would you grow any cornfield bigger than a garden without that infrastructure already in place? At least an acre. That's the bare minimum, boys. Sorry about any other activities that you wanted to take part in this year.

I didn't even mention that apparently this child would have to produce a yield 25 percent better than the general average. So what if little Jimmy produces corn at 24 percent better than the general average? Guess what, you just wasted 60 to 100 days planting and harvesting 40 bushels of corn. Fuck you, Jimmy. No merit badge for you. Try again next crop.

7

Angling Catch 10 Fish With Homemade Rods

Now, I have some country in me. I've been to Maine. I've fished before. But my fishing rods had cartoon sharks on them. I have no idea how to do any of this.

To obtain a merit badge for Angling a scout must

1. Catch and name ten different species of fish: salmon or trout to be taken with flies; bass, pickerel, or pike to be caught with rod or reel, muskallonge to be caught by trolling.

2. Make a bait rod of three joints, straight and sound, 14 oz. or less in weight, 10 feet or less in length, to stand a strain of 1-1/2 lbs. at the tip, 13 lbs. at the grip.

3. Make a jointed fly-rod 8-10 feet long, 4-8 ozs. in weight, capable of casting a fly sixty feet.

Look, at it's most basic a fishing rod is just a spooled line attached to a stick, but it seems like you need some pretty specific materials to make rods to these specifications. At least when we had to build Pinewood Derby cars, the Boy Scouts conveniently had building kits (rectangular blocks of wood and some plastic wheels) ready-to-buy. Can't give these kids a stack of prepared wood to work from, or, well, anything, for that matter?

Oh, and you need to go catch ten different fish, and only in certain ways. God help you if you catch a trout with a reel, or a muskallonge without posting Internet comments.

4. Name and describe twenty-five different species of fish found in North American waters and give a complete list of the fishes ascertained by himself to inhabit a given body of water.

Next time you are near a body of water, please peer down into the depths and give me a complete list of every fish hiding in there. Don't cheat, or we'll knock you back down to Cub level.

6

Archery Recreate The Blot Out The Sun Scene From 300

Archery has always been a staple of Boy Scout camps and the most boring portions of the Olympics. Today, there is a surprising amount of technology involved, much more than there was in 1911. So it's puzzling that one of the steps to get this badge back then (after making your own bow, of course!) was to practically recreate that scene from 300 where the Persians blot out the sun with their arrows.

To obtain a merit badge for Archery a scout must

1. Make a bow and arrow which will shoot a distance of one hundred feet with fair precision.

2. Make a total score of 350 with 60 shots in one or {25} two meets, using standard four-foot target at forty yards or three-foot target at thirty yards.

3. Make a total score of 300 with 72 arrows, using standard target at a distance of fifty yards.

4. Shoot so far and fast as to have six arrows in the air at once.

Here's Lars Andersen, a master archer from Denmark claiming to break the world record for having the most arrows in the air at once before one comes down. He gets 11 up there before the first one hits the grass, in about seven seconds. That's with a modern bow and arrow from what I assume is at least a mid-grade bow and arrow store. The Boy Scout Manual wants these kids to get to half of the world record from 100 years in the future with a goddamn homemade bow. The first time traveler will be a Boy Scout from the early 1900s, desperate to meet the ludicrous standards of a mad book that is trying to kill him.

5

Architecture Design A House To The Standards Of A Contractor

Scouting requires a lot of hands-on training. You'll learn how to tie knots, whittle sticks, and design a two-story house, apparently.

To obtain a merit badge for Architecture a scout must

1. Present a satisfactory free-hand drawing.

2. Write an essay on the history of Architecture and describe the five orders.

3. Submit an original design for a two-story house and tell what material is necessary for its construction, giving detailed specifications.

1911 wasn't exactly devoid of two-story houses, so good luck creating an original design that isn't some kind of Frank Lloyd Wright monstrosity. What kinda house would an eleven-year-old boy build anyway? The staircases would be made out of roller coasters. It wouldn't be right. But don't forget to detail every single material that you plan on using, even if it's fucking Gingerbread.

While you have all those building materials handy, you can probably grab Pioneering while you're at it, which only requires you to construct a whatever-the-fuck three-person shack next to your two story house and then build a modern bridge between 'em.

4. Build a modern bridge or derrick.

5. Make a camp kitchen.

6. Build a shack of one kind or another suitable for three occupants.

Or a derrick if that's too hard. Do you guys know what a derrick is? It's this thing:

Egeswender/Wiki Commons

At this point, I'm pretty sure the Eiffel Tower was knocked out by a boy scout over the weekened, so he could get started on his discover perpetual motion badge.

4

Civics Harder Than The U.S. Citizenship Test

When it comes to local politics, the most advanced information you have to know for your modern Citizenship badges is who your Congressmen are. And depending on how much Fox News your Dad watches, you probably already know their nicknames. Back in the day though? You better be able to rattle off every elected official that represents you and draw a map to all their offices, probably so you could find them and apologize for your sudden, rampant corn planting and for decimating the local fish population.

6. Know how the governor, lieutenant-governor, senators, representatives, or assemblymen of his state are elected, and their terms of office.

7. Know whether the judges of the principal courts in his state are appointed or elected, and the length of their terms.

8. Know how the principal officers in his town or city are elected and for what terms.

9. Know the duties of the various city departments, such as fire, police, board of health, etc.

10. Draw a map of the town or city in which he lives, giving location of the principal public buildings and points of special interest.

I could probably stumble through step 6 with some hints, but then you've lost me. If I've ever voted for a judge in my life, it was by accident. I'm pretty sure my town is run by a board of selectmen, but I have no idea what that even means and wouldn't recognize them if I hit one with my car. Unless you are insanely politically active (you know the ones by their Facebook feeds) there is simply no way the average American adult would know this stuff. The only reason I know where the town hall is is because of my yearly dog license fee.

To obtain a merit badge for Civics a scout must

1. State the principal citizenship requirements of an elector in his state.

2. Know the principal features of the naturalization laws of the United States.

3. Know how President, Vice-President, senators, and congressmen of the United States are elected and their terms of office.

4. Know the number of judges of the Supreme Court of the United States, how appointed, and their term of office.

5. Know the various administrative departments of government, as represented in the President's Cabinet.

Even the top-level info is pretty tricky. Who are the electors? Are they elected or chosen? (Am am I an elector??). Don't get me wrong, all of this stuff is actually really important to know, and the fact that little boys were expected to know this 100 years ago explains a lot about our current predicament. But it's hard to condemn our citizens' ignorance when I'm not convinced our own President knows the various administrative departments of government.

3

First Aid Treat Actual Horrific Injuries

This can't be too bad. You make a sling, and you go home, right

2. Carry a person down a ladder.

Hold on. This doesn't say demonstrate or explain how to. You actually have to do it. A preteen boy has to carry a person (things that typically weigh as much as an average person) down a freakin' ladder? The Hell does that even have to do with First Aid? I feel like just this is enough to warrant its own Break Your Own Spine merit badge.

3. Bandage head and ankle.

4. Demonstrate treatment of wound of the neck with severe arterial hemorrhage.

5. Treat mangling injury of the leg without severe hemorrhage.

6. Demonstrate treatment for rupture of varicose veins of the leg with severe hemorrhage.

What the are they are all like this? Unless they add 10. Call 911, before passing out at the sight of blood right now, I am not going to be able to check off a single one of these.

2

Ornithology Find Every Goddamn Bird In Your Neighborhood

It's birdwatching. How fucking hard could that be?

To obtain a merit badge for Ornithology a scout must

1. Have a list of one hundred different kinds of birds personally observed on exploration in the field.

2. Have identified beyond question, by appearance or by note, forty-five different kinds of birds in one day.

Oh OK. You just have to sit around waiting for every species of bird in your neighborhood to come strolling on by like it's Pokemon Snap. There aren't 100 different birds at the zoo, let alone in my damn backyard. The badges for Forestry, Mining, and Stalking require an equally ridiculous observation of trees, minerals, and shrubs, respectively. You know, just in case the meandering obsession of Birdwatching wasn't enough and you're in the market for more bullshit counting.

And don't even think about mis-characterizing a white-throated sparrow as a tufted titmouse. This shit needs to be beyond question, folks. Forty-five birds in one day. 100 percent accuracy. The rest of this list comes off like it's a script that eventually reveals the Scoutmaster to be the bad guy .

3. Have made a good clear photograph of some wild bird, the bird image to be over one half inch in length on the negative.

What?! You found 45 birds? FINE! Try taking a perfect picture of one!

4. Have secured at least two tenants in bird boxes-

Damn! Oh ya? Good luck capturing TWO birds in boxes! AHAHA!

4. Have secured at least two tenants in bird boxes erected by himself.

-AND BUILD THE BOXES YOURSELF!

5. Have daily notes on the nesting of a pair of wild birds from the time the first egg is laid until the young have left the nest.

Nooo! Bet you can't catch some bird parents in the act of giving birth and then stalk them every day until all the kids have moved out of the house!

6. Have attracted at least three kinds of birds, exclusive of the English sparrow, to a lunch counter which he has supplied.

That's that's impossible Here take the damn badge. If you convince three of them to have lunch with you. And NO SPARROWS OR IT'S BACK TO START!

1

Pathfinding Become a Walking GPS

A badge like Pathfinding is a great example of something that is both essential to what Scouting is all about and has unfortunately been made completely obsolete by today's technology. It has since been merged into the more couch-friendly Exploration badge, but the original version asked Scouts to become a walking GPS.

To obtain a merit badge for Pathfinding a scout must

1. Know every lane, by-path, and short cut for a distance of at least two miles in every direction around the local scouts' headquarters in the country.

2. Have a general knowledge of the district within a five mile radius of his local headquarters, so as to be able to guide people at any time, by day or night.

3. Know the general direction and population of the five principal neighboring towns and be able to give strangers correct directions how to reach them.

I'd be impressed if someone knew all of the shortcuts in Mario Kart. I'd be really impressed if someone knew the location of every Target within five miles. And I'd be fucking floored if I mused aloud in my driveway where the nearest damn Wendy's was while fumbling with my phone, and a little boy in a uniform came out of the bushes, gave me the exact street directions complete with shortcuts, and walked away into the shadows.

In addition, this Merit Badge requires Scouts to somehow count the number of cattle and horses at all the nearby farms, know the history of every public building in his town, and then put all of the above on a map. So yeah, walking GPS, library, and local farm trespasser.

Well, there you have it. The eight hardest OG Merit Badges. I'd bet my WEBELOS neckerchief that no modern Boy Scout could get any of these. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try and finish up my Personal Health badge, the only way God intended:

4. Describe the effect of alcohol and tobacco on the growing boy.

Chris has a brand new party game that you can download for free right here. Look for it on Facebook, too!

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-badges-that-prove-original-boy-scouts-were-badasses/

[medievalsamurai-blog]

Chapter 1  Grabbing Your Attention  Written By: Aki Hosoda

Prologue: 

Our beautiful land was full of light. Our land is full of different kingdoms and creatures just like our world today. There are also heroes that bring more goodness in our world. Ranging from knights, wizards, rogues and many more. Things were pleasant in our beautiful land. But it was not until the darkness arrived. The darkness surrounds, brought something that should not be said in public. The darkness strips away layers upon layers until there was nothing left. The darkness whispered closely and after hearing the voice of darkness, darkness was in control. All was doom… at first. But it began enjoyment. Darkness puts its hands on two large hills then all the way down to a small moist cave. Then grabbing by the neck of the dragon, pulled, pulled, and pulled until flames rained all over the large hills. The darkness enjoyed it very much. Then the darkness proceeds to have the dragon enters a small rabbit hole located below the moist cave. There was pain at first then it became pleasure. Screams, so loud that it can be heard throughout the land. Ah! Ah! Ah! …

“… What the hell is this!?” exclaimed the armored man holding a book. “That is an erotica I’ve been working on,” said a short middle aged man in peasant clothing, “My wife told me my writing should be less explicit.” 

“Yeah, well you’re better off as a gardener.” As the armored man tosses the book behind him and a disappointed peasant man catching the book; they are walking along the path in the woods being on their way to the peasant’s village. Suddenly the peasant man noticed a creature up ahead blocking the path and shrieks, “Look out! It’s a monster! It’s a Peach Frog!” The large creature has a body of a pink peach with arms, legs and a head of an average frog. It’s one of many different types of Fruit Frogs and there are others, such as Apple Frogs, Orange Frogs, Grape Frogs and so on. But Grape Frogs are just large normal looking frogs with purple skin that shit out grapes, puke out jelly and piss out wine; wine is very expensive in this world. The armored man gallantly steps forward and says, “Don’t worry, I’ll take this creature! After all, I’m from the Knighthood League! If my name isn’t- *splat*

The armored man was abruptly killed when a Peach Frog jumped on top of him. “Oh, shit! Oh, shit!” panicked the peasant man as he was trying to run away. The Peach Frog hops towards the peasant man, ready to eat him, suddenly the frog shrieked in pain. A thin blade popped out from inside the Peach Frog with a bright blue light emanating from the same stab hole. Then the sword rapidly swings in multiple direction, that could almost be seen in a naked eye, and the sword quickly went back inside the frog; yet the frog is still intact but motionless. A second later the frog exploded. As the peasant man is on his ass to the ground being shocked to what he just witnessed while the remains of the Peach Frog is raining down, he sees two figures that were inside the frog. One of them is a 5.3 feet tall male samurai with medium length coarse black hair and dark brown eyes wearing a black kimono robe with a white sash around his waist as a belt, white pants, a blue scabbard on his left side, pair of black shoes and a large brown drawstring bag strapped over his left shoulder; while holding a katana sword on his right hand while resting the blade on his right shoulder with his left hand is emitting blue flames. Another is a glowing blue fairy with round spherical body with two sets of insect-like wings and a pair of yellow eyes. These two are the main protagonists of this story. “Wow, way to make an entrance on a first chapter.” said the fairy, “This is why we should’ve stayed at an inn or pitched a tent!” “Well look on the bright-side,” said the samurai enthusiastically as he sheathed his sword, “we’re alive! Plus, we got food!” As the samurai picks up one of the remains of the Peach Frog, eats it and with his mouth full he says, “Holy shit! This is delicious!”

*** 

Hi, I’m the narrator. Some of you might be confused because a samurai popped out of nowhere. Some of you might be pissed because this is not a traditional medieval fantasy story with eloquent vocabularies, overly descriptive details and bunch of other shit. Well, here I say artistically speaking, traditions aren’t necessary and keep an open mind. Just look on the bright side, at least this story is not overly descriptive with a slow-paced narration of a constipated turtle like the book, The Great Gatsby, or else the prologue would’ve been longer than three pages if I described every little detail to the point of using the reader’s imagination would’ve been unnecessary; making this whole reading experience boring and painful as shit. And if any of you all are pissed by my statement, my only excuse is that this story is very comedic.

           Anyway, this story sets in the land of Euros, which is no different than looking at the map of modern day Europe. Any countries in Europe that has euros for currency are regions in this story such as the French Region, the German Region, the Spaniard Region and so on. The currency consists of golden coins called Europes and silvers coins are called differently depending on the region such as in the French Region they would be called France, in the German Region they would be called Germany and so on. The currency in Euros works very similar to an American currency system, such as one Europe would equal 100 silver coins. And just like America’s currency with quarters, dimes and nickels, Euros also have that, but they are called Q’s, D’s and N’s. But the only difference is that Euros do not have pennies. Because pennies are useless. The setting of this world juxtaposes medieval Europe with post-modern American society, like The Flintstones, Dave the Barbarian or The Roman Holidays. This world, like any other world, is not perfect. Monsters are popping out of the woodwork, there are corrupt greedy kings, difference race of beings coexisting such as humans with different skin tones, elves, anthropomorphics (which are humanoid animals like some of the characters from Bojack Horseman) and so on; yet discrimination still exist and whole bunch of other shit. With all the chaos happening in the land of Euros, a long time ago the capital king created the Knighthood League to protect innocent citizens from danger, minimize illegal activities and provide service and needs at a certain price. It’s like a combination of police force and craigslist. The Knighthood League not only consists of knights, but it also includes various types of people with special skills and magical abilities; and a samurai is one of those people.

           Speaking of a samurai, the samurai’s name is Akira Hikari (for those who are having a hard time pronouncing his name it’s Aw-Key-Rah He-Kah-Ree. You’re welcome). Akira is a 20-year-old man of the Yen descent. He has no memories of his native land yet he was told the Land of Yen was destroyed in the huge catastrophic war. He was abandoned and found on a fruit cart in Euro as so he claims. Energetic, good-hearted, naïve and he’s always up for an adventure. The fairy’s name is Ulric. He recently met Akira and through some circumstances he decided to stick around. He claims to be the smartest creature on earth. It’s worth noting that having an aide fairy is very outdated in this world. Reasons being is that people have access to helpful tips and guides in books and articles from the group of geniuses called The Scholar Society and aide fairies are known to be useless and very annoying. Yet Ulric stated, “those guys are fucking idiots. Anyone who relies on The SS might as well rely on horoscopes.” Nihilistic, jaded, sarcastic, intelligent and drunk half of time, yet, keep in mind, he is not completely heartless.

           “Man, I can’t believe I finished this book after that long-ass exposition,” said Ulric as he’s holding the peasant man’s erotica with his top two wings while keeping himself flying with his bottom two wings, “but, yeah, you gotta be explicit or else people will read this entire thing with a soft dick. But I would quit while you’re ahead. Since many people have access to porn with their mirrors to jerk off to.” “Uh, thanks,” said the peasant man as he was given his book back, “I’ll keep that in mind.” The functions of mirrors in this world, besides pleasing narcissists, are used as cellphones, televisions, and computers. Pocket-sized mirrors, as cellphones, are called pocket-screens. Mirrors that are usually around 12”X16”, as computers, are called com-screens. And large wide mirrors ranging 16”X20” or larger, are called tele-screens. Many of you all would think if Akira had a pocket-screen and have access to guides and tips from the Scholar Society, he wouldn’t need Ulric. However, Akira’s pocket-screen’s only functions within certain limits are to call, text, record voices, take photos and get alerts from the Knighthood League. So essentially Akira has a go-screen. And Akira is in a huge debt of 19,800 Europes. Akira lives in an apartment complex called Creature Junction that is located within the capital kingdom of Euro, Paris. The kingdom is large as Paris in reality and it is surrounded by huge walls for protection. How his debt came to be was that on the day he bought his apartment he was given two payment options from his land lord. Either pay a monthly rent of 360 Europes or pay 19,800 Europes in three months and afterwards he’ll have a rent-free apartment. He chose the second option believing he could easily achieve that in three months. So, as of now, Akira cannot buy anything. And so far, Akira has 17,200 Europes left. Plus, Akira has poor direction skills outside of Paris. Anyway, the two heroes are on their way to the peasant man’s village to take over the request originally assigned to the dead armored man. “By the way,” said the peasant man, “thank you so much young… lady I-

“Actually I’m a man,” as Akira corrected him.

“Oh, sorry. You’re wearing a dress so I assumed you’re a woman. Unless if you’re a crossdresser-which I’m not judging or anything-

“This isn’t a dress. This is a kimono. Many people in the Land of Yen wore something like this.”

“… So, are all the men crossdressers in that land?”

“… No-or at least that’s what I think- anyway, this is just something that I like to wear.”

The peasant man shrugs and says, “Well if you say so.”

It’s worth noting that many people in Euros are not exposed nor familiar with the cultures from the eastern lands. That is why many people think Akira is a crossdresser. Akira is use to it, yet gets slightly irritated and often corrects people many times. “But again,” said the peasant man, “thank you so much for taking this request on such short notice!” “Yeah, you should be more than grateful,” said Ulric, “cause that one guy you’ve originally hired was one weak pussy ass bitch.” “Ulric!” exclaimed Akira.

“What? I’m just saying. Anyone who gets killed by a weak common creature, like a Peach Frog, says a lot.”

“Yeah, but he was still a human being! Don’t you think we should’ve given him a proper burial, said some words and contact his family instead of just burying his body in the middle of the path?”

“Akira, in a given circumstances, what we knew about that guy is that he had a face, he wore an armor and he was killed by a Peach Frog. So, I don’t it matters to literally anyone at this point.”

“Well it matters to me! That’s why I’m gonna go to his folks to tell them the news after this quest! Thankfully his address is within Paris.”

“Okay, we’re here,” said the peasant man.

            Like most to all low economic villages, they have stone houses with roofs made of hay, a stone well full of drinkable water and various small fields of crops for food and manufacture; that is how most villages stay financially stable. Except in this village some of houses are falling apart and there’s a very large field with only three people tending the crops. Akira went up to the field to take a look at what they’re growing and exclaims, “Damn! These bean pods are huge! They’re bigger than regular beans!” “Wow, you’re easily impressed,” said Ulric sarcastically, “yeah those are called heart beans, beans that are the size of a healthy human heart. Haven’t you a seen one of these at a marketplace? It’s not like they’re rare.”

“I don’t go to marketplace that much; I usually hunt for my own food. I mean, what’s the point of buying food when there are shit ton of food you can find in nature.”

“Do you always know what you’re eating when you’re out there?”

“Rarely.”

“… I am surprised you’re not dead yet.”        

Then Akira sees three people in a far distance tending the crops, he yells, “Hey! How’s it going over there?” The three people did not respond. “Okay, I could see you guys are busy!” as Akira kept yelling, “Keep at it!” As Akira walked back over to the peasant man, he asks, “So what’s the situation here?” “Well, it’s our local king,” as the peasant man began explaining, “we’ve been doing very well producing heart beans yet our king has been giving us less money than what we were supposed to earn. Some of the people from our village have tried talking to him, but they ended up getting yelled at and told us to produce more beans.” “Sounds like this guy’s a real asshole,” said Ulric, “who is this king?” “His name is Alexander Johnson,” continued the peasant man, “he is notorious for being aggressive and unreasonable. He was recently made king of this village after our previous king died. And just last week, one of our villager’s friend came to visit, who was an anthropomorphic frog, then our king came to visit with his two guards. When our king saw the frog guy, he immediately went up to him and asked him if he was gay. When the frog guy said yes, he was taken away up to his castle without saying anything! Do you understand the situation we’re in? Our village is terribly poor right now and at this rate this village will crumble to nothing!” “Hmm...,” said Akira, “unfair treatment towards the citizen and an undocumented arrest, yup, sounds like a real corrupt king. What do you think, Ulric?” “Oh I already knew the king is a real piece of shit the second we got into this village,” said Ulric, “any village with a depressing atmosphere is an obvious sign for a corrupt king.” “So,” said the peasant man, “does that mean you’ll help us?” As Akira looks at the peasant man with a gallant look and says, “Isn’t it obvious? Of course, I’ll help! I’m a hero after all!” Then the peasant man got on his knees and exclaims, “Oh thank you, kind sir! Here! Take these heart beans with you as our appreciation! But don’t eat more than five of these, or else you’ll damage your digestive system.” After the peasant man gave Akira an abundant amount of heart beans, he showed the path to King Johnson’s castle, which is on the top of the hill through the woods. The two heroes start their journey to the top of the hill. “Alright Ulric,” said Akira excitedly, “let’s do this shit!”

“‘I’m a hero after all’? Really!? Could you be anymore cliché than that horseshit line?” said Ulric.

“Well what else could I have said?”

“Anything! You could’ve said ‘will do!’ or ‘sure thing!’ or you could’ve walked off without saying anything for at least two second and say ‘let’s go fuck shit up!’”

“Ooh, I like the last one! I’ll be sure to remember that one for our next adventure!” 

*** 

The two heroes showed up in front of King Alexander Johnson’s castle, which is a small two story enceinte castle that is made entirely out of gold with few windows and huge double doors. “Man, looks like this king likes to live luxuriously,” said Akira. “More like stupidly extravagant,” said Ulric as he is holding a tiny bottle of alcohol, “I’m surprised that this guy isn’t arrested yet. It’s pretty obvious what he’s been doing with those people’s money. Eh, whatever. Let’s go deal with this thing.” As Ulric chugged the entire bottle and tosses it behind him, the two heroes went up to the huge golden doors and Akira gave three knocks on the door. As one the doors opens, King Johnson showed up. He is a large thick man with balding hair wearing a gold tunic, pair of gold pants, a pair of gold shoes and a gold robe. “Who are you?” asked the hostile king, “This better be important, because I was in the middle creating an… info about the… the… uh… wars-yeah-wars.” “Sir, I’m from the Knighthood League,” said Akira, “and I was wondering if I could ask you some questions and search the whole perimeter of your castle.”

“… Do you have a search warrant?”

“Uh… no.”

“THEN GO AWAY!”

As the king slams the door, he goes back to sit on his golden throne, with his two golden armored guards, one of each standing next to him, and returns to his actual business: painting his penis gold. “You might be small, little guy,” said the king talking to his unfortunate penis, “but no ladies will deny sucking you off pretty soon.” Just like the exterior of the castle, everything inside is made out of gold as well. Stairs, floor, a very large chandelier and even his long carpet that leads to his throne to the double doors is made of gold. Just as Ulric said: stupidly extravagant.  

“He’s definitely guilty,” said Ulric to Akira, “I mean, the castle is one thing, but asking for a search warrant is really obvious.” “How is that the case?” asked Akira.

“If anybody ask for a search warrant before any of the authorities come in, it’s clear that they are hiding shit.”

“Well you got a good point there. So far I took a photo of his castle, but we need more evidence to arrest this guy and we don’t have a search warrant.”

“In a situation like this, we don’t need a search warrant. Do you still have that lightning orb you found earlier?”

“Yeah, hold on a sec… found it!”

Akira pulled out a small yellow orb out of his bag and it is covered in blood from the raw Peach Frog meat. “Good,” said Ulric, “now throw it at that castle wall.” “What? No,” as Akira refused, “this is my only lightning orb and I don’t know how to cast spells. Plus, why do you want me to throw it at a castle?”

“Akira, trust me, I am smart enough to know many, many things. And besides it’s not like those spell orbs are rare, you could find more of them in our next quest and plus when the hell have you ever relied on those things? As far as I’m concerned, you’ve been doing just fine without them, so throw the damn orb!”

“Alright, alright!”

As Akira threw the orb at the castle wall, the orb shattered from the impact causing a huge electrical shock wave throughout the entire castle. While this was happening, there were loud screams from inside the castle. Akira was shocked to what just happened and exclaims, “Holy shit!” “Yeah,” said Ulric, “that’s what he gets for building this stupid castle. Honestly, building this thing on top of a hill is like asking mother nature to murder him when there are lightning storms. Anyway, c’mon Akira, let’s go.”

“Are you crazy! What if he’s dead!? Then I would be charged for murder! And what about that frog guy!? We should’ve at least checked if he was alive!”

“Akira, relax. That one orb isn’t enough to kill him, it’s enough to make him pass out. And also, you’re talking about a guy who is notorious for being unreasonable and from what we’ve heard from that villager, he’s definitely anthrophobic and homophobic! If you were that frog guy and if that golden hostile fuck went up to you and asked if you’re a gay frog and took you to his castle do you think you would be alive the next day? I don’t think so! Plus, it’s been a week, of course he’d be dead! His corpse is rotting somewhere in that castle! So, c’mon let’s get this shit over with!”

           As the two heroes stepped inside the golden castle they see all three individuals being unconscious at the king’s throne; with the king slouched on his throne with his hand in his pants and his two guards on the floor. “Jesus,” said Akira. “I know,” said Ulric, “this guy is greedier than I thought. Look at this shit! Even his goddamn carpet is made of gold! And I’m willing to bet he only has two guards so he doesn’t have to pay much! What more does this excessive piece of fuck want!?”

“I was talking about them! I really hope they’re not dead!”

As Akira checks all three of their pulses, he gives a sigh of relief and says, “they’re still breathing.” “See?” said Ulric, “What did I tell ya? Aren’t you glad that I was right like many times before? You know, if it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t be in here right now-

“Okay! I get it! You could stop busting my balls.”

“Hey Akira, can you move this carpet for a sec?”

As Akira moved the carpet, they found a hatch that is located right in front of the double doors and it’s the only one that is not made of gold. “Wow, look at that,” said Ulric, “the only thing in the castle that is not made of gold for once. Alright, Akira, open this hatch so I could go check this out and you go check upstairs.”

“Will do.”

After Akira opened the hatch Ulric went down to see what’s in the hatch, while Akira went upstairs. As Ulric reached six feet down below the castle, he found himself in a dark room. “Ugh! It smells like sulfur in here!” exclaimed Ulric, “And why is there not a single torch light? And I swear if I see more golden shit I’m gonna be pissed!” Then Ulric made himself glow brighter to illuminate the room and he found himself in a dungeon with bleak greasy brick walls with five skeletons without skulls chained to the wall. And when Ulric reached the other side of the room, he found a recently deceased corpse which revealed to be the same frog guy the peasant man mentioned. The frog guy’s corpse showed there was excessive bleeding from his ears and nose with his skull completely crushed. Ulric is shocked to what he saw and says, “Oh my god…”

           Meanwhile, Akira is in the king’s bed room finding more things that are made of gold. “Dammit,” said Akira, “all I’m finding up here is more golden shit.” Feeling disappointed from finding nothing, he decides to go downstairs to see what Ulric found in the hatch. By the time he reached the hatch the king quickly woke up, noticed Akira and screams, “HEY! WHAT ARE DOING IN MY CASTLE!?”

“I should be the one asking questions,” said Akira, “why is there a hatch and have you been converting most of villager’s money to create this castle?”

“Are you kidding! Those villagers don’t need all that money! They have all that delicious beans to sustain themselves and I have been giving them plenty!”

“In an unfair amount! Those villagers deserve the amount money they earn from producing those beans!”

“Well those shit bags are down there and I’m up on this hill. So, they are the least of my concerns!”

“And what happened to that frog guy a week ago?”

“Oh, him? He’s been long dead. He’s an abomination like the rest of them gay froggers! You know there’s a lake that turns people gay and those frogs been swimming in it and they are using them tongues by licking people’s buttholes and turning them gay!”

“… Yeah, I don’t think that’s true.”

“IT IS GODDAMMIT! THERE’S A LAKE THAT TURNED THOSE FROGS GAY AND THOSE FROGS ARE MAKING MORE PEOPLE GAY WITH THEIR TONGUES!!!” No such lake exists. Even though this world is full of endless possibilities, but there is no magical lake that turns people into homosexuals.

“Well from your words, I think I have enough evidence to put you under arrest in the name of the Knighthood League,” said Akira as he revealed he was recording their conversation on his go-screen, “you gonna have to come with me to Paris.” The king’s face turned red with anger and yells, “I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! ESPECIALLY WITH A CROSS-DRESSING WEIRDO LIKE YOU!!!”

“Then I guess I’m gonna have to take you by force!”

“OH BRING IT ON YOU SKINNY LITTLE BITCH! But first I need to fart.” As King Alexander, from the other side of the room, has his ass face towards Akira and grunting trying to concentrate; Ulric came out of the hatch and says “Hey! Akira! Listen-

“Just a sec Ulric,” said Akira, “I’m about to fight this guy but I’m letting him fart for a sec.”

“OH SHIT! AKIRA! MOVE!!”

As soon as the king farted, it did not come out as an actual fart sound, instead a loud booming scream vocalized as “FART!!!” came out; which created a large hole on the castle wall. Akira managed to dodge it; he is hanging on the top corner of the room. “What the hell was that!?” asked Akira being very confused. “There’s more to that greedy fat piece of shit than I’d anticipated,” said Ulric, “this guy is born with a skill of emitting highly enhanced scream of high amplitude. He is also one of those people who are born with two mouths: one on where it should be and the other on random places and it looks as though he has a mouth as an anus. It’s like that play Teeth but with anal.”

“LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CASTLE WALL!!!” scream the king. “Bitch! That was your fault!” said Ulric.  

“I’M GONNA MAKE YOU BOTH BLEED TO DEATH!”

“Go ahead and try!” said Akira confidently as he emits blue flames from his legs; then he jumps from the wall to the floor then as the speed picks up he starts to rapidly bouncing off multiple surface in the room. Akira is born with a skill called Aura. This skill allows him to enhance his strength, defense, speed and magic one at a time. Usually there are spells for enhancement, but unlike the enhancement spells which can boost up by ten, Akira’s Aura can boost up to a hundred. Let’s say in a role-playing video game, like Final Fantasy, a character’s speed stat is 33. With an enhancement spell, it would only go to 43. But with Akira’s Aura, it would go up to 133. Akira’s Aura is also capable of enhancing other people, shoot beams and projectiles from either his hand or his sword and maybe more as time progresses as he levels up. Anyway, as Akira was about to throw a punch to the king’s face, the king let out a huge sonic scream of “YAAAAAH!!!” from his regular mouth; causing the whole foundation of the castle to vibrate and blasting Akira to the wall. As Akira got up and exclaims, “Ow! Dammit! I was so close!” Then the king lets out another vocalized sonic fart and Akira manages to dodge it very easily since he now knows the function of that ability. Then Akira keeps moving while Ulric is flying closely besides him and the king kept using his mouth attacks. “Looks like from his regular mouth, his attacks are pervasive,” said Ulric, “while his farts are more condensed yet twice as powerful! I hope, you got the idea to avoid his farts at all cost! Or else you’ll end up like that frog guy down in the dungeon! I’ve seen his corpse and it was fucked up! His skull was completely crushed!” “Shit!” exclaimed Akira, “well I can’t get close to him without having my ears bleed!”

“Then why don’t you use your sword for projectile attacks then?”

“I won’t.”

“What!? What do you mean, you won’t!?”

“I’m not using my sword against someone who is unarmed and is a non-dark intelligent living being. It’s not noble.”  

“Akira, this is no time to be a bushido bastard! His voice and his fat ass are the only thing keeping him from being vulnerable! Unless if you have another plan to beat this guy if not we’re shit out of luck!” While the two heroes are still avoiding the king’s attack, Akira starts to slow down from using too much of his aura for enhancing his speed. “Aw shit!” exclaimed Akira, “I need to eat!” While still running, Akira quickly reached into his bag and pulled out some Peach Frog meat to chow down as fast as he could. One weakness about Akira’s ability is that it taxes his body’s stamina; in order to regain more aura energy, he has to eat something. By the time he finished eating, he hatched an idea. From that point, he starts to jump to one surface to another, the same thing he did before, except this time he threw a heart bean into the king’s mouth. After the king swallowed the bean whole, he yells, “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? ARE YOU TRYING TO FIGHT ME OR FEED ME!? But keep em coming. They’re deliciously peachy.” Without responding to the king, Akira kept throwing beans into the king’s mouth until he used up to the total of ten beans. After that, Akira quickly threw two fire orbs on the floor, completely missing the king, which then caused two large flames to appear in the room. Then Akira picked up two golden unconscious guards, went to the large hole that was created from earlier and yells, “Come on Ulric! Let’s get the hell out of here!” Then the two quickly got out of the castle leaving King Alexander Johnson surrounded by few flames. “YEAH! YOU BETTER RUN!” screamed the king, “THIS IS WHY NO ONE DARES TO MESS WITH KING ALEXANDER JOHNS- Oh god! What the hell? Ugh! My stomach!” Suddenly, the king’s stomach started to expand like a balloon. By the time he gotten really big, he became immobile and started to panic by saying, “UGH! AW SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!!!” Meanwhile, outside of the castle, Akira and Ulric, with two guards tied up and still being unconscious, are at short distance away from the castle. “I gotta have to admit,” said Ulric, “that was some good thinking there Akira.” “Thanks Ulric,” said Akira.

“And you might wanna cover your ears for this.” As both heroes covered their ears, they watched the golden castle explode in multiple pieces; with the king blasting off into the distance leaving a long smoke trail coming out of his ass while the king is screaming, out of fear, and his ass screaming out “FAAAAAAAAAH”. “I just hope he’ll land on something safe,” said Akira. “Don’t worry about it Akira,” said Ulric, “I’m sure with his thick body it’ll lessen the impact when he lands. Plus, judging by the distance he’ll land straight to Paris, where he’ll be arrested for sure.”

“Well, now I’m really relieved to hear that.”

“Yeah, that’s the charm of being main protagonists; they always have the highest luck.”

“What does that mean?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Anyway, let’s take those photos of that dungeon you’ve mentioned for one last evidence and let’s collect all the gold for those villagers.”

           After the two heroes completed the quest, they’re on their way back to Paris while Akira is carrying three huge gold bricks. “Man, it was really nice of them to not only paying us 500 Europes but also giving us these golden bricks,” said Akira, “that’s even more than our last quest!” “Well you did handle that guy like a fucking boss,” said Ulric, “not a lot of knights would do something like that. In fact, no knights would ever do that!”  

“Well I couldn’t have done without your help.”

“Yeah, no shit. You don’t need to say that twice.”

“By the way, how much Europes would be converted from these bricks?”

“Definitely 3,000.”

“Sweet! … I feel really good about today. With the two of us, I feel like we’re gonna accomplish a lot of great things … I’m glad I found you Ulric.”

“And I’m glad you’re not weak little bitch. Hey, by the way, have much time do you have to get that debt taken care of?”

“A month.”

“Wait… A MONTH!?”

“Uh… y- yeah.”

“What the fuck have you been doing for the past two months!?”

“… Did I mentioned that I’m not very good with directions outside of Paris?”

“Are you that bad!?”

“… Yes.”

“What the fuck!? … WHAT. THE. FUCK!?!?”

Debt Counter: 13,700 Europes 

31 Days Left 

Epilogue: 

           As Akira went up to a one-story house he knocked on the door and an average woman wearing a blue tunic opens the door and asks, “can I help you?” “Yes, ma’am,” said Akira, “is this the household of Thomas Fister?”

“I’m his wife. So yes, what do you want with my husband?”

“Actually, I’m from the Knighthood League and I came here to inform you that… your husband unfortunately died by being crushed to death by a Peach Frog… I’m really sorry for-

“Hold on, wait… Did you say my husband got crushed by a Peach Frog?”

“… Yes.” After three seconds of silence, the woman broke out into huge laughter. “Oh my god!” laughed the woman, “Hey Phillip! Come here!” A tall muscular man wearing nothing but white braises show up at the door and says, “What it is?”

“My dumbass husband,” said the woman while still laughing, “got killed by a Peach Frog!”

“Oh my god!” laughed the muscular man, “What a shitty way to die! Now we don’t have to worry about getting caught!” It is clear that Mrs. Fister was having an affair with that muscular man. Akira, being very confused by the situation, says, “Okay… I’m gonna go now.” “Okay! Take care!” said the woman still laughing. Then Akira walked away from the house while those two were still laughing their ass off.