#and this girls HUSBAND has been taking care of her since she's been unemployed for 8 months

[sadscorpiobaby]

I'm tired of tik toks of unemployed people struggling soooooo hard to find a job....like it's because you're only applying to the jobs that you think your graduate degree will help you get. babe pick up a broom, a spatula, a mop, a shovel and get to work, there's no lack of jobs in the service industry yall just privelaged ahhhhh

[eddydreaming]

Kdramas January 2024

Happy New Year everyone! A new month starts and that means we have some new kdramas that are being released soon, so let's dive into them.

Marry My Husband

"Kang Ji Won is married to Park Min Hwan, but their marriage is troubled due to Min Hwan's selfishness and his demanding mother. Ji Won is the primary breadwinner for the family, while Min Hwan is unemployed and in debt. Ji Won also handles all the household chores herself.

One day, Ji Won receives the devastating news that she has cancer and not much time left to live. To make things worse, she catches her husband and her close friend, Jung Soo Min, having an affair. A physical struggle ensues, resulting in her tragic death at the hands of her husband.

Suddenly, she wakes up in the past, 10 years earlier, when she was dating Min Hwan. Determined to change her life, she decides to make Soo Min marry Min Hwan. Meanwhile, at work, Yoo Ji Hyeok, who serves as a chief in the same department as Ji Won, has feelings for her and slowly begins to reveal them. He also harbors a secret."

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 16

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Drama and Fantasy.

Release date: January 1 - February 20

Main cast: Park Min Young, Na In Woo, Lee Yi Kyung, Song Ha Yoon and Lee Gi Kwang.

Love Song for Illusion

"It tells both the heart-fluttering love story and fierce obsession of a King with two opposite personalities and an assassin girl who wants to kill him but ends up falling in love with him.

Crown Prince Sajo Hyun is an intellectual character who uses his innate artistic sense to work as a fashion designer at a downtown boutique while hiding his identity of crown prince. He has a wound deep down in his heart from his childhood due to his oppressive father Sajo Seung. Sajo Hyun’s other personality Ak Hee is a charming character who can easily seduce others, but he is cursed to feel extreme pain when he makes physical touch with others.

Yeon Wol lives a life full of twists and turns, going from an assassin to concubine. Yeon Wol is the royal descendant of the fallen Yeon Dynasty and the only daughter of Yeon Poong Hak. Yeon Wol hides her identity and becomes assassin Gye Ra to avenge her family. While trying to assassinate the king, she falls into a trap set by an unknown person and wakes up the next day with no memory of her past."

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 16

Genres: Historical, Romance, Drama and Fantasy.

Release date: January 2 - February 20

Main cast: Park Ji Hoon and Hong Ye Ji.

Knight Flower

Cho Yeo Hwa has been a widow for 15 years. Her in-laws are the most prestigious noble family in the area. During the day, she lives quietly at home and never goes outside. But, during the night, Yeo Hwa secretly jumps over the surrounding wall and takes care of people who need help. In the process, she gets involved with Park Soo Ho, and she begins to dream about her future. Meanwhile, Soo Ho is a senior officer. He is good at his job and has an attractive appearance.

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 12

Genres: Historical, Mystery, Comedy and Drama.

Release date: January 12 - February 17

Main cast: Lee Ha Nee, Lee Jong Won, Lee Ki Woo and Kim Sang Joong.

A Shop for Killers

Shortly after entering college, Jian receives a call from local police informing her of her uncle’s “suicide”. Her carer, since the death of her parents, uncle Jeong Jin Man, had always been quiet and mysterious but never suicidal.

But before Jian has a chance to think, her life is turned upside down by a flurry of gunfire, murder drones and more, as a medley of highly skilled assassins inexplicably turns their focus to killing her. Pinned down in her uncle’s home, Jian will be forced to revisit some of the bizarre training her uncle gave her throughout her formative years if she hopes to survive long enough to discover what is going on.

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 8

Genres: Action, Thriller, Mystery and Drama.

Release date: January 7 - ?

Main cast: Lee Dong Wook and Kim Hye Joon.

LTNS

The days of burning with sexual desire and lusting after each other’s bodies are long gone, and Woo-jin and Samuel have evolved into a somewhat withered couple, both physically and emotionally. By coincidence, they find themselves forming a blackmail team that specializes in exposing cheating couples, seeking an opportunity to turn their lives around.

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 6

Genres: Comedy and Drama.

Release date: January 19 - January 19

Main cast: Esom and Ahn Jae Hong.

The Bequeathed

A woman inherits a gravesite under mysterious circumstances, just as her family's history begins to unravel.

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 6

Genres: Drama.

Release date: January 19 - ?

Main cast: Kim Hyun Joo, Park Hee Soon, Park Byung Eun and Ryu Kyung Soo.

Captivating the King

Lee In is a prince. His older brother is King Lee Sun, who cares about him a lot. Vowing loyalty to his older brother, Lee In is taken hostage by the Qing Dynasty. King Lee Sun soon views his younger brother's loyalty as betrayal and begins to hate him. Lee In endures deep emotional pain because of this.

Lee In then meets an unknown baduk player who wagers on her games. He is completely fascinated by the baduk player. Through circumstances, Lee In becomes the king. He holds the highest position and is a strong person, but he is sad and weak internally.

When Kang Hee Soo was gaining fame as an unknown baduk player, she met Prince Lee In and fell in love with him. Through a vortex of fate, she becomes a spy. She approaches King Lee In to get her revenge.

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 16

Genres: Historical, Romance, Drama and Melodrama.

Release date: January 21 - March 10

Main cast: Jo Jung Suk, Shin Sae Kyeong and Lee Shin Young.

Flex x Cop

Jin Yi Soo has everything in life. Being a third-generation conglomerate, he never requires others’ assistance. However, things start changing when he gets entangled in a case.

Jin Yi Soo joins the violent investigative team at the Kangha Police Station that specializes in catching robbers. He aims to use his wealth and personal connections to his advantage. He works under Detective Lee Kang Hyun. Kang Hyun is dedicated and a smooth-talker and doesn't care for Yi Soo's presence when they begin working as partners.

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 16

Genres: Action, Mystery, Comedy and Romance.

Release date: January 26 - ?

Main cast: Ahn Bo Hyun, Park Ji Hyun, Kang Sang Jun and Kim Shin Bi.

Doctor Slump

During his school days, Yeo Jeong Woo always placed first in academics and he studied at the top medical school in the country. Jeong Woo is now a popular plastic surgeon. His life goes smoothly, but, due to a mysterious medical accident, his life is pushed to the edge. At this time, he meets Nam Ha Neul. She was a rival in his past and he meets her at the lowest point in his life.

Ha Neul works as an anesthesiologist. When she was growing up, people called her a genius due to her extreme intelligence. She studied hard and became a doctor. Her life consists of only work and studying. She doesn't have any time to experience fun. One day, Ha Neul realizes she isn’t happy with her life and she wants to make a change. At this time, she meets Jeong Woo during one of the worst moments in her life. They comfort each other and a romantic relationship blossoms between them.

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 16

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Drama and Medical.

Release date: January 27 - March 17

Main cast: Park Shin Hye, Park Hyung Sik, Yoon Park and Kong Seong Ha.

Queen of Divorce

Kim Sa Ra was the daughter-in-law of the biggest law firm in South Korea, but she was betrayed by her husband and lost everything. After that, she began working as a divorce troubleshooter. She is now the team leader at the divorce settlement office Solution. She punishes bad spouses and provides help for those who find themselves in unfair divorce situations.

She works with Dong Ki Joon. He is Sa Ra’s business partner and an advisory lawyer at Solution. Before coming to Solution, he was an excellent prosecutor who had the nickname of "German Shepherd." He picked up the nickname because of his persistence and keen intuition, but Ki Joon left the prosecutors' office for an unknown reason. Sa Ra and Ki Joon work together for people who are suffering through difficult divorces.

(Source: mydramalist)

Episodes: 12

Genres: Law and Drama.

Release date: January 31 - March 7

Main cast: Lee Ji Ah and Kang Ki Young.

***

What do you think? I'm so excited for Doctor Slump and A Shop for Killers, what about you?

If there was any mistake or any important drama missing please tell me, I may have missed something.

(Source: soompi)

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

“SOCIAL WORKER FINDS MUCH PRIVATION THROUGHOUT CITY,” North Bay Nugget. April 23, 1932. ----- However Lack of Tobacco is One of Chief Plaints in Some Cases ---- CHILDREN WITHOUT FOOD ---- Going without nourishing food decent clothes and other such luxuries which the average man enjoys have not been the greatest of trials suffered by the many unemployed in North Bay this year being deprived of “smokes” has been even harder to hear, if one can judge by some letters received by Miss D. Millard, social service worker, containing fervent pleas for tobacco. 

One such letter, written by the wife of a jobless man said in part: “Could you please let us have 50 cents In cash for some tobacco. My husband hasn't smoked for two weeks and he is like a wild man." Another similar request also written by a wife stated that “there's no living with my husband when he can't smoke.”

Conditions, which only a very few are aware of as existing in North Bay, have been revealed by Miss Millard who has contact with an average of 200 families every week. Poverty, hardships, cruelty, and terrible struggles to exist have been witnessed by the social service worker in her attempts to help those who have been victims of misfortune. 

Unsanitary Conditions Mrs. Millard told of visiting one deplorable looking shack housing 13 persons— the parents and 11 children. A mass of poisonous sores, caused by dirt and neglect, was found on the head of one youngster of about four years. The child was removed to the hospital and the other 10 children were taken to the Shelter, while the parents were censored and urged to take care of their family. At present, a house is being fixed for them and it is hoped that parents and children will live differently when re-united again.

Equally appalling was another case concerning a woman and seven children. When visited by Miss Millard, the children were all running around the house In bathing suits, despite cold weather. Lack of clothes had kept them indoors throughout the entire winter. The eldest of the group, a girl of seven, was clothed so that she might attend school and the others were outfitted suitably for outdoors.

One woman had been helping to support her six children and aged mother as well as herself by making and selling flowers and other such articles during the Winter. She had originally come from a farm and wished to go back to the country. Recently her brother offered to place her on a small farm and the Relief Office will pay the fare for the family to move to their new home. 

Pitiful, yet amusing was still another incident related by Miss Millard. In this case the woman had kept her small son from school no that ha might carry a note to the social service worker. The note contained a request for “a teddy bear for the baby and a pair of new gloves so that I can go out on Easter Sunday." 

Work For Women Since the beginning of the mild weather, the Relief Office has placed many women in homes to assist with the Spring housecleaning. Most of these women have been wives of unemployed men. Very few persons have solicited masculine help. 

A section of Miss Millard's office is being used as a clothing centre and every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon a members of various women's organizations come in to sew and re-make old clothes. A knitting machine has been recently Installed and stockings will be made. 

The public has been most generous in contributing needed articles, Miss Millard stated and added that this was much appreciated by those in charge. At present the supply is rather low, she remarked, and she would be most grateful for any donation of clothes, curtains, oilcloth or any old furniture.

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Rachie!

Your application for Narcissa Malfoy has been accepted. I am so excited to have both halves of one of my favourite pairs around, and to see Narcissa being amazing and calm and collected even when facing a total upheaval of her world—again.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Rachie / She/her

AGE: 29

TIMEZONE: GMT

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I can generally be on every day for a few hours, and then a little bit more at the weekends! I work full time (and am currently in temp housing) but I try to find time each day to be online cause rping is my stress relief!

ANYTHING ELSE: No triggers. But I’ve been rping in the HP world for approx 10ish years? I’ve rped on a dedicated site, and then more recently on tumblr. I’ve also been rping non-HP role plays on tumblr on and off for about five years.

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: Narcissa Violetta Malfoy (neé Black)

BIRTHDATE: 31st August 1956

DEATHDATE: N/A

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis Woman, she/her and Demisexual. When asked, Narcissa would more than likely say she was straight, and has probably never been attracted to anyone not male. But in actual fact it is the emotional connections she has with a person that really leads to the eventual sexual attraction. In actual fact since she has had a strong emotional bond, and relationship with Lucius, she has never looked at anyone else in that manner at all.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

OCCUPATION: Technically Narcissa is unemployed, and most of the Wixen world would view her as a housewife, and having never worked a day in her life. In actual fact Narcissa has ‘worked’ as a private     potioneer ever since she graduated Hogwarts. She brews and works out of Malfoy manor. Of course, she’s very exclusive, and charges very high rates. It was generally the other purebloods that she would brew potions for.

FACECLAIM: Charlize Theron

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

If there was one thing that drove Narcissa more than anything it was her family. She had always been a family person, and to her there was nothing more important than the family she had created. They were the reason she made the choices she did, and why she betrayed the Dark Lord. One might not even call it a betrayal. Technically she wasn’t a death eater. She was never marked. But it was clear to the Wixen world the side she had chosen. But she had chosen to betray the cause anyway, and she does not regret it. The war hadn’t been anything she had really wanted, and so for it to end, was something she was grateful for.

She isn’t the woman she was then though. Not anymore. In the manor, she might seem more like herself. But she sometimes finds herself more clingy, or more in need of physical contact. It sucks because she doesn’t really have many people that want to hug her anymore. Her relationship with her husband sometimes feels strained. She still adores Lucius, but it’s been more difficult since the war. They both went through so much, and are both still working through things. But what Narcissa knows is that she will always love and be dedicated to her husband, regardless of the choices he made.

These days Narcissa is just taking each day as it comes. She still worries that someone might change their mind about the Malfoy’s getting a pardon. She could probably talk her way out of getting imprisoned, technically she was never actually involved. But she worried about what a jail sentence would do to her husband and son. She tries to hold her little family together and navigate through the world.

But she is fearful. Fearful of what will happen if her sister, or the dark lord come back through that veil. She betrayed them, and she knows they will come for her if that happens. Now she’s just praying it won’t happen.

PERSONALITY

positive traits: Loving, Loyal, Fighter, Determined, protective negative traits: Manipulative, Calculating, Cold, worrier

Narcissa has always been a loving, loyal and protective person. She has always been a person with a huge heart, even if from the outside people might disagree. When she loves, she loves hard, and it is almost impossible for her to stop loving someone. This of course was tested when Andromeda left. If being honest, Narcissa still loves her sister, but she had to turn away, if only to protect herself. The bonds she forms are deep, and very emotional. They can be taxing, and sometimes too much.

As loving and friendly she is to those lucky enough to be close to her, Narcissa is also incredibly calculating, cold and manipulating. She has an extraordinarily strong talent in manipulating people to do her wishes. Add a cold exterior, and she managed to get a ice queen reputation. To be honest, it kind of amused her, as it was really so far how she would describe herself. But it fended off the people that she once thought weren’t good enough to be around her. It’s been a reputation she’s found hard to shake off in recent years, and she stills finds herself having to prove that she is kind and caring. Narcissa still doesn’t care too much about what people think of her though. People will talk about her regardless.

Narcissa is incredibly academically talented. Sadly at school she wasn’t really allowed to pursue a career, and her parents didn’t want her to focus too much on her schooling. But Narcissa was very clever. Her best subject was potions, and she was determined to carry on brewing, even after she graduated. It was a huge stress reliever for her, and she know being able to brew, and escape from reality, is something that kept her sane over the years.

Family has always been important to Narcissa, and if anything was the main driving factor in everything that she did. That is something that is being tested at the moment, especially with Bellatrix being back. She always said she would be loyal to her family, but this was a little too far. It is something she is really struggling with, and she finds that she really doesn’t have anyone to talk too about it.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

The one thing striking from her childhood was the need to always be perfect. The Black sisters had to be perfect in every sense of the manner. It was a tough childhood, one filled with distant parents that never seemed to be quite happy enough. Narcissa was lucky in the sense that she was the baby of the three, but even then, she wasn’t a boy, and so her father would always be disappointed. Along with the need to be perfect, became the need to be pure. The law of being pure was pressed into her from a young age, and breaking that law became something that the young girl would become terrified.

The only decent thing really was her sisters. The three Black sisters formed a bond like no other, and Bellatrix and Andromeda were big factors in making her happy. Having her sisters love made the disappointment her parents expressed a little more tolerable. Everything would be okay as long as she had her sisters.

But then suddenly she didn’t have Andromeda, and it felt like her world was collapsing around her. The net suddenly got tighter then, and Narcissa probably couldn’t have left even if she had wanted too. Narcissa was just lucky that she was soon an adult, and could at least escape her parents house. They might have still had some influence on her, but she had a bit more freedom then.

Growing up in the Black family was hard. She always had to be perfect, and she always had to be pure. But the love she got and expressed for her sisters helped to shape Narcissa into who she became, and for that she couldn’t regret, or want to change anything that she had gone through.

HISTORY

To be honest, just before the end of the war her life was pretty terrible. The death eaters were running out of her house, and she felt like her life was being dictated. This wasn’t what she signed up for when she married Lucius, and she hated it. She hated not feeling comfortable, or happy in her own home. Tensions were high, and the only reason she survived was because of her family. It was tense with Lucius too, but he and Draco kept her going. She had to keep them safe, and that gave her a purpose.

Before then, before the dark lord had returned, her life has been pretty great. She got to do basically whatever she wanted, and it made her happy. Sure, she should have been upset that they hadnt won the first war. But, she was just happy that she got to live the life she wanted. She brewed her potions, and she had her family close. Family was the most important thing to her, and she was just glad that they were safe. The world might mistrust them, but they were safe, and for that she would be forever grateful.

The second wizarding world was hard for Narcissa. She shared the view points of the death eaters, but it took her husband away from her. First, at night, when he went on tasks for the dark lord, and then completely when he was sent to Azkaban. It was only her loyalty, and her love of her family, that kept her in that manor. Her love for Lucius was tested, but her marriage vows never faltered. For better, for worse.

She was a Black and a Malfoy, and so, at Lucius’ side was where she stayed. If that was the right choice….. only time would tell.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

Narcissa has always been one of my favourite characters in the harry potter world. I love being able to really delve into who she is, and what drove her to become who she did. We get so little about her in the books, and so I love basically having a blank slate to work on. It really interests me in being able to play Narcissa, and see who she is as a person. There is so much more to Cissa than just being a mother, and I love the opportunity to explorer this.

This roleplay has such an interesting idea. Not only does it have the post-war to explore, which is so interesting for the the Malfoys. But it also has the fact that people are coming back from the dead. Technically Narcissa is a traitor to both sides, and it’s something that I am really looking forward to exploring! I’m also looking forward to exploring the relationship between Lucius and Narcissa, and seeing how this was shaped and changed by the outcome of the war. Lucissa is my fave HP ship, and this is something that really excites me!

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nothing right now, but i’ll probably set her up an pinterest cause I love creating aesethetics for my charries!

[cordonian-literature]

The Aftermath - Ch. 8

The Day Before the Tea Ceremony

Summary: After five years, Hana returns to Cordonia

Word Count: ~3.1k

Warning: Mention of depression

*All characters belong to Pixelberry, except those that are unique to my story (I’ve also used some characters and fictional instances from Donna Tartt’s “The Goldfinch”)*

Catch up here!

Tags: @captain-kingliamsqueen​​​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​​ @gkittylove99​​​ @lovablegranny​​​ @loudbluebirdlover​​​ @mom2000aggie​​​ @kingliam2019​​​ @queenrileyrose​​​ @shanzay44​​​ @cordonianroyalty​​​ @hopefulmoonobject​​​ @hopelessromanticmonie​​​ @cinnamonspongecake​​​ @queenjilian​​​ @kuladekiwi​​​ @twinkle-320​​​ @iaminlovewithtrr​​​ @charlotteg234​​​ @amandablink​​​ @texaskitten30​​​ @tinkie1973 @louiseingram1208 @queencatherynerhys​​​ @pens-girl-87​​​ @missevabean​​​ @ladyangel70​​ @sanchita012​​

I hope I got everyone tagged! If I missed someone, or if anyone wants to be added/removed, please let me know!

- Hana - 

Very soon, waking up in the mornings became a challenge. At first, it was her body that refused to obey her alarm clock. Then, Hana simply accepted it and would wake up by herself around half past eight — almost two hours later than she had been trained to start her day.

This morning was particularly difficult. She had silently cried herself to sleep the night before, and the tears had yet to disappear from her cheeks, nor was her pillow dry. The air was thick as it went into her lungs, though when she opened the window, a delicate breeze embraced her, flowing through her hair and fingers. She could feel the hint of the approaching summer through the signs of the persistent cold.

The dent on the other side of the mattress told Hana that her husband had been awake for hours. She didn’t care. Before Neville used to yell at her and say that it was improper for her to sleep in (“Does not a lady of your status have better things to do than lay around like a pathetic commoner with nothing better to do?” he would shout at her during breakfast). Eventually he stopped, but he would still give her cold looks if he knew that she had been in bed longer than eight hours.

He added to the difficulty of waking up, and Hana suspected that one day she would be too weak to get out of bed entirely.

Today should be better than other days, she told herself as she went to reach for a dress in her closet. Mother and Father are here. There are still a few days left in their visit. Perhaps Mother would want to spend some time with me?

Every step down the stairs and towards the breakfast table increased her level of anxiety. That was nothing new; it was all a part of her daily routine. As was the sound of her heart hammering in her ears. Next was the sight of Neville’s atrocious side-profile. Xinghai and Lorelai were laughing at something Hana had not heard, but she knew that it wasn’t remotely funny — nothing Neville says is ever funny. Her parents greet her, and Neville spares her a glance and says, “Is that the same dress from yesterday morning?”

The room falls into silence.

“You’ve a letter, Hana,” Lorelai informs her as her daughter sits down.

A cream colored envelope with their address smoothly written sits in front of her.

“I hope it is not from that Beaumont boy again,” Neville comments.

“Well I don’t think there’s anything wrong with friendly correspondence,” Xinghai begins.

“I beg to differ, sir,” Neville starts. “It would be best if you saw it from my perspective. An unmarried lord sending monthly letters to my wife asking her to return to Cordonia. That is highly improper. I would ask him directly to respect the difference between my own status and his, but Hana says there is no need apparently.” He scoffs.

All he asks is for me to come and help find Lady Riley, she wants to say. He writes about His Majesty’s depression. Lord Maxwell requests that I come to help him cheer everyone up. Not to worry though, I would never willingly go back without Lady Riley, because without her I am alone, just as I have been everyday for the past decade.

Hana flips the envelope over, expecting to see the Beaumont Family Seal, but instead comes face-to-face with the Royal Seal.

Everyone at the table stares down at what is in Hana’s hands.

“A royal invitation?” Lorelai cries.

Of course Liam would do this, Hana thinks to herself. I had told him that I didn’t want to return. He knew pestering me over the phone wouldn’t work, so instead he sends an invitation, knowing that Neville would see it and would accept it on my behalf.

Hana opens the envelope, taking out the letter and reads the contents aloud.

“Dear Earl Cormery and Countess Cormery,

The honor of your presence is requested by the Queen Mother at the Annual Cordonian Tea Ceremony on the evening of May 24th.”

“Goodness!” Lorelai exclaims. “From the Queen Mother herself?”

“Ah, what terrible timing!” Neville cries, snatching the invitation from Hana. “I’ve an important financial project that requires my attention in London. I planned to leave this evening.”

“Oh,” Hana looks down at her empty hands. “You… you never told me.”

“Didn’t I?” Neville does not look up from the letter. “Perhaps I forgot about it. Forgive me, dear, you know how busy I am.”

She nods, but cannot hide the sorrow on her face.

“Well, Neville,” Lorelai says. “If you are indisposed and do not plan on bringing Hana with you, then it seems as though she is free to attend the ceremony.”

“Perhaps… but what will she say when her husband is absent?” Neville argues.

Xinghai chuckles. “The truth, of course. That you are away on an important financial project and could not attend.”

After a few seconds in which Neville does not respond, Lorelai speaks up and says, “Wonderful, then. Hana, I will help you pack later tonight.”

No thank you, Mother, she wants to say. I do not wish to return to Cordonia. There are too many painful and empty memories. My life already consists of lonely, aching days. Please do not subject me to more.

“Yes, all good.” Neville tucks the paper into his breast pocket. Hana hoped that he would reject the idea. But since her mother suggested it and he has allowed it, there was no chance of her getting out of it. “Now, how much longer until we are served? Staff! I demand to know what is taking so long! If we are not served our breakfast within the next five minutes, by the end of today you will all be left unemployed!”

...

Neville left for London before dinner and did not say goodbye. Lorelai reprimanded Hana for being so distant with her husband, saying that the hard work in securing a marriage doesn’t end after the wedding. Hana had excused herself to go and pack without her mother.

She took the earliest flight to Cordonia, and was in the capital right before noon. She walked into the palace, where she showed her invitation to a servant and was led towards her room.

On her way up the stairs, she bumps into Olivia.

“Hana?” she exclaims. “What are you doing here?”

“Olivia! It’s been so long!” Hana leaves her bags and goes to hug Olivia — who does not hug her back — overcome at the sight of a somewhat friendly face. “I was invited to the tea ceremony tomorrow. Did you receive and invitation as well?”

“No, actually. I’m here on business.”

“Oh, well, sorry to bother you. Do you know if His Majesty will be attending? Or… Maxwell?”

Olivia frowns a little. “Liam and Drake are in New York,” she tells Hana. “As are the Beaumonts… didn’t they tell you?”

Her face falls. “No. After I left, I severed communications with them... for the most part, at least. I only answered His Majesty’s phone calls, which were rare….”

“So… you don’t know anything about Riley’s condition? Liam told me that he was going to tell you and Maxwell.”

Hana’s eyes go wide. “What about Riley?”

“She—.”

“Lady Hana is that you?!” calls a voice. Hana turns to see Madeleine walking towards them, with an unfamiliar cheer in her tone. “It is wonderful to see you back at court! And Lady Olivia….”

“Yes, Maddy, it’s always a pleasure to see you.” Olivia rolls her eyes.

Madeleine puts an arm on Hana’s shoulder. “How is the Earl?”

“He is well,” Hana manages to say, and is glad that Madeleine doesn’t ask more about him.

“I’m glad.” She glances down at the watch on her wrist. “Now if you two will excuse me, I’m on my way for lunch with the Queen Mother.” Madeleine regards Hana for a moment. “Would you like to join, Hana?”

She agrees before she even realizes that she doesn’t even want to go. “And… perhaps Olivia can join us?” Hana was itching to know more about Riley’s condition. Olivia had a tendency to vanish and re-emerge when it suited her, but Hana was not going to let Olivia get away. She had information about Riley.

Madeleine sighs. “I suppose.”

Hana gives her luggage to the servant as her and Olivia follow Madeleine down the hall.

“Don’t worry, Maddy,” Olivia comments. “I hate your presence almost as much as you hate mine.”

“Oh, I assure you—,” Madeleine begins, but they’ve already reached the dinning hall, and the Queen Mother is already seated.

“Lady Hana” she exclaims. “A pleasure to see you. And I see Lady Olivia has also arrived for the ceremony tomorrow.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Olivia says, but Hana wonders what business Olivia was talking about before.

Each of the ladies takes a seat as servants serve them plates of different fruits, breads, and meat. Hana is reluctant to eat; she barley eats at home, but could not sit in front of her plate aimlessly in front of the Queen Mother. She takes small bites and manages to force herself through the meal.

“I imagine that King Liam will be attending the ceremony tomorrow?” Olivia asks, not looking up from her meal.

I thought Olivia said that Liam was in New York? Why is she asking the Queen Mother of his whereabouts when she already knows where he is?

“Unfortunately His Majesty will not be attending,” Regina responds. “He’s away on business.”

“Oh?” Madeleine remarks. “I do hope the issue with the Spanish ambassador goes through. If not, King Liam risks looking desperate and the entire ordeal could shed a negative light on Cordonia.”

“The ambassador had to return to his country due to a personal issue,” Regina states, then goes back to her food.

Both Olivia and Madeleine look expectantly over at Regina, but she continues eating and acts as if she doesn’t notice the ladies’ eyes on her.

“Then… what else keeps His Majesty from being in attendance?” Olivia questions carefully.

Hana shoots her a look. Why does she keep asking questions she already has the answers to?

“He is abroad, I believe.” Regina answers apathetically.

“Do you not know where he is, ma’am?” Madeleine looks up from her food.

Regina chuckles. She takes a sip of her wine and says, “Oh, I know where he is. The king is in New York.”

Madeleine gently puts down her fork. “Ma’am I believe it would best if you advised His Majesty that taking too many trips to America sends quite a scandalous message to the press.”

“Scandalous?” Hana asks.

“They remember Lady Riley and his relationship with her. She was from New York, and his constant visits have led the press to believe that he is having an affair with her!”

The Queen Mother scoffs, taking another sip of her wine.

“We all know that’s utter nonsense, Maddy,” Olivia says. “Lady Riley disappeared after he ended his engagement to you. Don’t you remember? That was one public incident that you couldn’t twist in your favor.”

Madeleine stares back at Olivia. “Incident isn’t what I would call it—.”

“Please, Lady Olivia,” Regina interrupts. “None of that was Countess Madeleine’s fault or even His Majesty’s fault. Lady Riley is the one to blame. I remember that silly investigation she led with Drake Walker and Lord Beaumont. But in the end it amounted to nothing.” She scoffs again. “She knew all along that court life would be too much for her, and with everything that happened to her with that Tariq fellow, it was simply proved that she was not fit for such a life.”

How undiplomatic, Hana thinks. She wouldn’t say that in front of Liam. He would forbid her from speaking about Lady Riley like that.

“Yes,” Madeleine comments, going back to her food. “I tried to warn her of it in the beginning, but she was so… stubborn. No wonder she ended up in such a situation.”

Hana doesn’t understand why Olivia keeps quiet. They share a look. Hana wishes she had the energy to defend Riley, but deep in her heart, Hana is still angry with her best friend. Riley had motivated Hana to choose a life beyond her parents’ expectations. Once she had disappeared, Hana could only hold off her parents by herself for so long.

“I’ve done the best I can for my country,” Regina comments after another few bites of her food. “Of course, I’ve never done anything as controversial as my late husband, but I’ve… done my best to refocus the king’s attention and efforts.”

“Even without a queen, His Majesty has done a wonderful job—,” Madeleine begins.

“Yes, yes,” Regina waves Madeleine’s words away. “He’s done his duty to his people in the sense that he has provided for them and helped them thrive, but he has not secured his throne. Stability….” She trials off.

“I am sure King Liam is doing the best he can,” Olivia begins. “Simply because he does not wish to focus on finding a queen—.”

“Simply because he does not wish to focus on finding a queen doesn’t mean that he has to chase after a disappeared waitress!” Regina exclaims.

The ladies say nothing, and Regina goes for another sip of her wine.

“I’ve done my best to steer him away from her,” she begins again. “But he does not listen to me. I managed once to deter her away from him, and that seemed to have worked for the past eight years. Now he’s after her again.” She calls for a servant to refill her glass.

“You mean to say that he is in New York for Lady Riley as we speak?” Madeleine asks, and Hana notices an irritation in her eyes.

“What do you mean you deterred Lady Riley?” Olivia asks.

The Queen Mother looks towards Olivia and chuckles, ignoring Madeleine’s question.

“If you do not know what I am referring to, then that means that I succeed.” She turns back towards her plate. “She attempted to attend the Duke of Ramsford’s wedding. I saw her at the entrance. In a disguise of all things! I had my guards take her aside and I spoke with her. She said she needed to speak to His Majesty about something important.” Regina scoffs again and frowns. “The audacity of the girl… I noticed a wedding band on her finger, told her that all she had done for Cordonia was put it on a path towards ruin. She had corrupted King Liam’s heart, and her next aim clearly was to corrupt the monarchy… to taint it with another scandal. I had my guards escort her to the airport, and I made sure that there was no chance Liam saw her.”

Riley’s married? Hana wonders. Her heart aches.

“The press labeled her as a crown-chaser once,” Madeleine comments, a smirk on her face.

Regina turns to her niece and laughs. “Perhaps during the social season it did not seem so. But imagine that… she came back for Liam as a married woman. Merely to break his heart even further.”

“Did you know what she wished to speak to him about?” Olivia asks.

“No,” Regina states, deep in thought. “It may have been something she believed was of great consequence, since she came halfway across the world to tell him. I believe it is for the best, though, that she never told Liam. Whatever she had to say would have made him stray further from being a responsible king.”

“But if she never told you what the topic was, then how did it become something for you to decide whether it was crucial enough for his attention?” Olivia frowns at the Queen Mother, who is taken aback.

“I hope I am mistaken, Lady Olivia,” Regina starts, glaring at her, “that you wish to side with Lady Riley, who has done no good for Cordonia or her king?”

“I think,” Hana jumps in, “that Lady Olivia means that if Lady Riley is what makes His Majesty happy, then allowing their relationship would have allowed him to refocus more effectively.”

“If Lady Riley and His Majesty were allowed to continue their relationship,” Madeleine focuses her words towards Hana. “Then afterwards his efforts would be towards keeping Cordonia from international scorn.”

“You know, Maddy,” Olivia takes another bite of her salad. “You always did have a hard time hiding your jealousy.”

“Excuse you?” Madeleine spits.

“Enough!” Regina throws her fork onto the plate. “This has been a very stressful meal for me. I shall go rest in my quarters. Madeleine, walk with me?”

“Of course, ma’am,” Madeleine offers the Queen Mother her arm, helping her get up and walk out of the room.

When they’re out of sight, Olivia puts her head in her hands.

“Poor Riley and Liam,” Hana says. “There’s always someone working against their happily ever after.”

Olivia leans back in her seat, and Hana watches her.

“Do you have an idea of what Riley wanted to tell Liam?” she asks.

Olivia sighs. “Yes, actually, I do.”

“What was it?”

Olivia looks around the room. “This wouldn’t be the best place to speak about it. Perhaps we can go to Lythikos after the ceremony tomorrow, and I can tell you all I know.”

Hana had booked a flight back home the morning after the ceremony. A part of her told her to refuse Olivia’s offer, but another part, the stronger part, told her that this was something that could bring her one step closer to happiness — something that was dreadfully lacking in her life. Hana knew a little excitement would do her health some good. She could call Neville and tell him that she was staying for a few more days. Hana knew he wouldn’t care, though, and for the first time she’s glad for his lack of concern for her. “That would be lovely,” Hana states.

They stand and go their separate ways for the evening. Though Hana is a little less upset that her group of friends never told her about Riley, she still wants to cry in pity for herself. For Liam. For Drake. For Maxwell. For Riley.

If they’re already with Riley, then I’m the only one missing. Wasn’t I helpful during the Engagement Tour? Don’t they want my help or my company? Have they given up on me? Of course they have. In their time of need, I left them alone. What a terrible friend I was. It’s just like Neville said, that my pathetic demeanor would bury me in a life of miserable rejection. I guess I only have myself to blame for all of it. What a terrible friend I am.

[loquaciousquark]

I hope you're doing well! I know you posted about a stressful situation last month, and I hope it's resolved itself. Sending good wishes you you and Hamlet!

Thank you so very much for checking in on me! I really do appreciate it. An update to that post under the cut.

Carol, who moved in with me on May 28, is still here. Right now, we have set a tentative move-out goal of the first or second week of August, but this is pending an apartment application that she hopes to finalize on Monday and a job situation that is a complete mess.

Basically, according to my limited understanding, Carol is licensed to teach in Florida. Alabama has a reciprocity clause with Florida, but it must be applied for. Carol has recently begun this process, but her teaching license(s?) is (are?) set to expire in December unless she passes certain exams. She’s already passed one for...general middle and high school teaching, I think, but failed a math exam. She has an art history exam Monday afternoon and expects to pass. I hope so, because she’s been doing nothing but watching Netflix and shopping for houses for the last few days in her new 2017 Jeep Cherokee.

I remain unspeakably grateful to my parents for teaching me financial literacy, because until I witnessed Carol’s decision-making, I had no idea how hard it was for some people to not spend money unwisely. 

As a reminder, Carol is dead broke. She has $153,000 in debt across student loans, medical bills, Czech and US taxes, and some personal loans she would like to repay to friends for helping her. She is unemployed and has no support from her family and has relied on couch surfing at friends’ and acquaintances’ homes since last summer for housing. Since moving in with me, she has been trying to find somewhere to live that would accept her with all her debt and her nonexistent US employment history for the last ten years. Based on what she’s said, I think she has about $9k in the bank--or did, until last week.

In short, she needs a car, a job, and a home, and as far as I can tell she doesn’t care which order they come in.

Two weeks ago, she was offered a position in a rural town about 30 minutes from where I live. It’s a small, very country town which desperately needs a special education teacher, something I think Carol really does have a passion for. However, because she hasn’t finished the reciprocity licensure application yet, they’re having a lot of roadblocks with her paperwork, compounded by the fact that when she left Prague last year, she left all her important documentation behind: things like her birth certificate, her social security card, and her letters of recommendation, which for some reason she did not have electronic backups of. The principal has been trying to get what she needs from Carol for two weeks. Carol is constantly saying that things are “in process” but has nothing to show for it.

As far as we can tell, the job is still hers, but the school year starts August 13th and she still hasn’t been approved by the Board of Education because the paperwork is still not finished on her end. She did not attempt to replace her birth certificate or social security card until they needed it for the application. (Her friend in Prague--and I am beginning to realize she uses the word “friend” for anyone she’s met longer than sixty seconds), who frantically packed up all her belongings when she realized she would not be able to go back to the city, cannot ship her belongings or go through them for the important paperwork until next summer, as she and her husband are currently vacationing in Rome for a year.

Carol decided last night she is also going to apply for some online Department of Defense position--I didn’t understand the details and don’t really want to know, except that it’s also teaching and some administration. We’ll see how it works out. She is growing increasingly annoyed at the principal’s requests for paperwork completion, which baffles me.

So, job: shrug? Maybe?

Car next, then, but this whole mess also goes back to the financial literacy thing. My parents have always been extremely frugal (pennywise, as my dad would say), and from childhood they made it very clear to us to not buy things you couldn’t afford. They’ve never had a car payment in my memory, and they paid off their house about ten years ago. This means they drove a lot of junkers for a very long time, and for a very long time we had very few vacations, but now they’re fully financially stable and debt-free and my mom has a car that she drove off the lot brand new that they paid cash in hand for. 

If I had been in Carol’s situation, I would have found a cheap, mostly reliable used car that probably wasn’t going to explode on me and drive that as long as I could while saving up for housing. I did in fact drive her to look at several used cars, most of which would have been even outside my expected budget (hers, as it happens, is larger even than that, because one of her overseas friends was willing to contribute $5000 to the cost of a vehicle). (I paid $6500 for my current car, a 2004, in college in 2012 with 70,000 miles on it at the time, and have driven it ever since.)

She rejected all of them because they did not have good “energy” and “feelings.” One she was willing to buy at $3700, but told the seller to go pay for his own inspection (once I explained to her what mechanical inspections were as a concept), so they ghosted her. She also is extremely afraid of head gasket failure--I don’t know why, since she knows nothing about cars--and has assumed all vehicles she has driven are on the verge of it, so after the first week she refused to even look at a vehicle without a warranty.

This means she exclusively limited herself to used dealership options, which I’m just going to come right out and say was monumentally stupid. I don’t know if any car dealers follow me, so I’m sorry if I am misperceiving this, but in my experience almost every dealer I’ve gone to has been aggressive, manipulative, and extremely predatory in their interest rates. I cannot think of a riskier course of action in abject debt than to try to cut a deal with a car dealer for the sake of a warranty I doubt will cover that much truly expensive failure in the long run anyway.

On Thursday, Carol bought a $20,000 2017 Jeep Cherokee from a dealership down the road. I don’t know what she put down. I do know she did not use her friend’s money (why not??) and I know her interest rate on the car loan is 4%, which she is extremely proud of and which horrifies me. She also “persuaded” them into a limited warranty that will cover the vehicle up to 100,000 miles (currently at 42k, and they ~only offer it for cars under 40,000 miles~). I can’t tell you how bad an idea I think all this is.

Thursday night, as she was regaling me with stories of her negotiating prowess, she also tells me she has decided to buy a house. She’s sick of renting, and somehow, someone somewhere managed to get her approved for up to $120,000 in a home loan. She already has $150k in debt, another $20k from the car, and now wants to buy a house. She was delighted that she could make the minimum 7% down payment, even though it would wipe out every cent she has left and leave her less than $500 to her name for moving expenses, utilities, food, title registration, etc. afterwards.

She doesn’t even have a secure job yet.

However, this plan seems to have fallen through. She went out with a realtor several times this weekend and came home the last time in great, heaving sobs, because she can’t find the 3bed 2bath she wanted in her price range. (For reference, most homes in this area go between 200k - 250k right now for 2-3bed 2ba, and the closer you get to the city--I have about a 20 minute commute--the higher it gets. My next door neighbor sold her 3bed 2.5ba for >300k three months ago, and Carol knew this.) She was absolutely devastated that the only things in her range were “tiny little ugly flipped houses” and “the ghetto.” The realtor basically said she wasn’t going to waste any more of her time. Carol repeatedly told me how grateful I should be that I got in at the price point I did a few years back, because no “normal people” could ever afford to break into the market again.

I tried to tell her that it was because I lived in with a roommate in very cheap housing and then a cell of a 1bed 1ba apartment for eight years while I saved money, but if nothing else, I’ve learned I’m not allowed to compare our situations or histories or offer advice of any kind except “go ahead and buy what you want,” because that only makes her cry harder. In the end, she has decided to give up on the house for now and settle for the absolute last thing in the world she wanted, an apartment with a lease.

To be honest, until she has a signed contract in hand, I half-expect this lease to fall through as well. I have tried to offer what I think is sensible advice and been ignored or rebuffed. I have tried to offer a sympathetic ear and ended up with her sobbing uncontrollably on me--heaving, body-wracking sobs--over and over again with me trapped in my own home, providing endless emotional support for a girl I don’t even like. I have tried to encourage her to do the things she wants to do, since she’s going to do them anyway, and when she gets “negative energy” after the purchases (buyer’s remorse, I think, that one little inkling of sense saying maybe it wasn’t a great idea to buy a $20,000 car or an $1100 brand new iPhone without a job), she blames it on the exact thing I said I thought might be good and makes me feel like I have now directly contributed to a negative outcome after poor decision-making.

For the record, when she says these things to me she is not saying, and has never said, them directly at me. She has never blamed me in any way for a negative outcome. She is not consciously trying to manipulate me or abuse me or take advantage of my help. She has never once asked me for money or job connections or for me to use any of my stability to unfairly or unethically get her something she needs. She is just completely absorbed in her own (rightfully absorbing) mess of a situation, and I think just completely unaware of how much of an emotional black hole she has become. There are no problems except her problems. There are no needs except her needs, and everyone around her has to understand how hard she has it at all times. 

So, we’ll see. I am praying that the apartment works out next week. The owner seems to want to work with her, which is a hopeful sign. Good thoughts would be appreciated.

--

Aside from all of this, work has gotten extremely complicated. I’m not going to go into all of it now, but one of my jobs is to create an extremely detailed schedule for students in clinic. This is used to schedule patients in each service--if we have this many students, we can have this many patient slots per half-day, etc. Last week, two students were out unexpectedly, one who broke her arm the day before she was supposed to begin, and one who had a terrible anxiety attack and thought the symptoms were actually COVID. That student was tested and cleared negative, but Student Health requires a two-week quarantine anyway, so she was not allowed to return.

This meant that we now had multiple patients per day with no one to see them. We tried to reschedule as many as we could, but we still ended up with multiple overbooks. This is extremely stressful for me as both a provider, an instructor, and a human being who hates having other people wait on her in a professional capacity. We got through the week, but not without several painful bumps, and it’s looking like there will be more soon.

I also woke up to an email this morning that one of my favorite students (yes, I have favorites, I’m sorry), had a completely unexpected death in the immediate family and had to rush home. This is a very, very sweet, very smart girl who has worked unbelievably hard over the past year to do well in this program and in my courses, and I am just devastated for her. One of her friends is willing to cover her clinic, so the impact will be minimal on that side, but to have this happen during this country’s hellhole handling of this pandemic...I can’t even imagine it.

All of this isn’t even touching COVID. The President’s side has won in that sense--I don’t even register the numbers anymore--but as of last week our dean sent out messaging that implied that with our state’s failure to contain the spread, new discussions were going to be happening soon regarding our August start. We already had committed to full hybrid scheduling: all lectures online, in-person labs only where absolutely necessary to continue advancement in the program, and those labs limited to two per room with full PPE, but if they decide even that can’t happen, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I cannot make competent doctors over Zoom. I can’t. At some point they have to touch other people and look at other people’s eyes. They have to be able to check real, in-person blood pressure. They have to look at genuine eye movements and ocular surfaces in person and I cannot and will not let them enter clinic until they have the practice and the time and the practicals behind them. I fucking refuse to endanger the public for sixty years because someone in an office somewhere decided a timetable is more important than a patient keeping their ability to see, and I’m ready to fight administration on this if they try to push it.

But if I win the fight, what next? They just...don’t enter clinic next year. They don’t enter my program. I don’t know what they do in the meantime, as this lab meets four mornings a week and the lecture twice. The course is delayed until next year or whenever we have the virus under control again, and suddenly my fall semester sure looks like I’ll be being paid to stay at home and count carpet fibers. I don’t think they’ll fire me--no one else wants to teach my course anyway--but if I win this fight I might put myself right into furlough in the process.

I could be borrowing trouble, I know. They could come back and say that after review, our system and safety protocols (all extremely conservative) are indeed safe enough and we can proceed as we want. They could say that our limited in-person option for lectures (we have several gigantic lecture halls that could easily socially distance) is the only thing that needs to go. They could say that we just need to have smaller lab groups--hellish on me, but doable.

But it’s one more element of stress in my life that I just can’t handle worrying about right now, which is why I’ve been bouncing back and forth between random fics and oneshots (that mermaid one was feverishly written on a single evening Carol spent at her mom’s house) and pouring an ungodly amount of hours into Animal Crossing. At least there I have some control over what happens next.

Sorry, guys. I know this is not the happy update I was hoping for. I’ll try to check in again next month and we’ll see where things end up.

[sctanic]

『 dove cameron. twenty-one. cis woman. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that THEODORA ‘THEO’ KENNEDY from SYCAMORE WAY i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -BEWILDERING & -EXTEMPORANEOUS. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +BEWITCHING & +UNBIASED. i hope i see them around again!

hi everyone! i’m nico and i am so happy to be here. it’s been so long since i’ve played theo and i’ve been searching for a place she’d fit in for ages. i apologize for the length of my intro and fully do not expect anyone to actually read the entire thing but if you do and you like what you read, don’t hesitate to give it a like or send me a message to plot!

trigger warnings; parental death, murder, sexual assault, abuse, alcohol, drugs

S T A T I S T I C S

full name : theodora jane kennedy nickname: theo, t.j, teddy to a select few   date of birth  :  september 1, 1999 age : twenty-one height : 5′1″ sexuality :  pansexual   relationship status : taken by sonny deluca children : river and regan deluca, twins, nearly two years old. occupation  :  paranormal investigator for ghost adventures aesthetic  :  dried blood, cigarette smoke, spilled red wine, ripped jeans over fishnets, abandoned houses, late night walks through cemeteries, combat boots, smudged mascara, bruised skin, leather jackets, old film cameras, black lipstick, nightmares, dried out flowers.

P E R S O N A L I T Y

positive traits : bewitching, unbiased, passionate   negative traits : bewildering, extemoraneous, impulsive likes : the occult, rebellion, horror movies, the smell of fall, cinnamon   dislikes : pizza, romcoms, gender norms, willy wonka, early mornings myer-briggs : ISFP enneagram : type 8

B I O G R A P H Y

╰     ‘  theodora kennedy was born on september 1, 1999 in a small town on long island, new york to a young couple. daniel and christina kennedy already had a six year old son when they welcomed their daughter into the world and although she had not been planned, they were happy to have her. for the first five years of her life, theo had everything, but that all changed on christmas eve of 2004.

╰     ‘  what they thought was an attempted robbery gone wrong left the kennedy family broken. as theo and her older brother hid in the closet and watched from the crack between the door and the frame, christina was shot 4 times repeatedly and left dead. — it would take one whole year for authorities to find out that her own husband was responsible for it.

╰     ‘  no, daniel kennedy didn’t pull the trigger. and no, he didn’t break into his own house but his past life of crime brought upon the tragedy. before meeting and setting down with christina, daniel had been involved in a sketchy lifestyle — drugs, alcohol, parties and crime. he bought, he dealt, he stole and he owed a lot of money. when he didn’t meet his deadline he was warned what would happen, and they had been true to their word. if he couldn’t offer them the money they would take something else, something money couldn’t buy. his wife, and the mother to his two children.

╰     ‘  that christmas was a dark one. there were no celebrations and the kids didn’t open their presents. the new year just brought dread and slowly the kennedy’s began to spiral. daniel began to fall back into his olf lifestyle of partying and crime as a coping mechanism. he became involved with the wrong people once more, people he called ‘old friends’ and more times than not his son jack, who was only eleven at the time, was left to care for his sister, theo.

╰     ‘  the death of a mother would be hard for anyone, but witnessing it had really ruined theodora. she stopped socializing, stopped speaking. her father still swears that she didn’t speak a single word for 3 years, and that may have been true. night terrors and flash backs took over her once pleasant dreams.

╰     ‘  after falling back into his prior way of life, mr. kennedy found himself unemployed. it was really no surprise, he would miss shifts at the auto body shop and when he did show up he was under the influence of something and incapable of doing much of anything and with no steady income, they lost their house. however, with every storm comes a rainbow and although they lost nearly everything they did get to move in with daniel’s parents, theo’s grandparents who she absolutely adored.

╰     ‘  grandma and grandpa kennedy weren’t your everyday grandparents. they didn’t knit blankets and play bingo, no, they owned the town funeral home, situated on a graveyard and lived atop of it. grandpa was a funeral director and grandma a mortician. while daniel had grown up in the funeral home, he wasn’t much phased and his new habits left him home rarely. jack hated it. he avoided the parlor at all costs and refused to tell his friends where it was he was living but theo had never felt more comfortable, surrounded by death.

╰     ‘  at only six, she began tagging along with her grandparents while they worked. she learned how to embalm bodies and prepare them for their final rest. of course her interest in the dead and the fact that she lived in a funeral home was a subject of ridicule in school. even in kindergarten she was picked on for it. she instantaneously became the ‘weird girl’. as she got older the bullying got worse, but it made her tough. she didn’t need friends, she had her interests to keep her busy and she liked to believe the dead were her friends. she’d often spend time in the morgue or out in the cemetery, making up lives in her head for the deceased and searching for answers.

╰     ‘  her interest in the occult began very early. she loved anything mysterious and dark. her first report in elementary school was on ed and lorraine warren, her biggest inspirations even back then and ever since she has longed to be the next lorraine. her intuition to the dead is strong and her sensitivity is high. she was told early on by a psychic friend of her grandparents that she had a gift and although they told her that she would one day be able to use it to help the living, she knew right away she wanted to use it to help the dead — the souls not at rest.

╰     ‘  by sixteen theo’s relationship with her father was nonexistent. he was absent most of her life, in and out of jail and always under the influence of drugs. and when he was around, he was abusive. she spent her whole life fearing him and while her brother jack strived to be everything their father was not, to make him proud, theo found herself slowly becoming everything her father was. she was skipping school to smoke in the cemetery and drinking alcohol from her fathers stash alone in her room. she tried to drown out her demons by self medicating. she found herself at house parties and in strangers beds regularly. she was her own worst nightmare. she was becoming the person her peers had made her out to be, a monster. she was mean and bitter and mad at the world, and so very young.

╰     ‘  at seventeen her world turned upside down one more time. a small town murder made the news and left the locals panicked. was there a serial killer on the loose? were they in danger? would the killer ever get caught? a witness met with the police and a sketch was made of the suspect and shared with the world via the local news — and theo knew instantly who it was. she had spent the last week hearing about the brutal murder of a young seventeen year old girl. she had been drugged, sexually assaulted and eventually choked to death. it was ugly and it was inhuman — and it was her father. she was sure of it. with shaky hands and the approval of her grandparents, she called the police and reported her father. after 3 months and a very long trial, he was sentenced to life in prison and for the first time in years, she could finally breathe.

╰     ‘  at eighteen, theodora applied for an internship with the ghost adventures team in vegas and by some miracle she was accepted. it only took six months for them to welcome her to the team full time, making her the youngest member of the crew. she found a family in her ghost adventures crew, looking up to zak bagans like the father figure she never had. her new job and new found family really helped pull her away from the dark path she was going down.

╰     ‘  she soon after moved to vegas, the glitz and glam and partying was dangerous and tempting but her work crew did their best to steer her in the right direction, it was there — in vegas that theo met sonny deluca.

╰     ‘  sonny showed up at theo’s door one morning with his mission partner, asking to talk to her about the book of mormon. one day later he showed back up alone. four days later he was leaving his mission and moving in. it happened quick and they fell fast. theo didn’t think she was capable of loving anyone, especially not in the way that she loves sonny. it only took four days for him to knock down her walls and expose her soft interior. 

╰     ‘  it did not take very long into their relationship to learn that they were expecting, not just one baby but twins. both scared and excited, they decided to keep the babies and make the impulsive decision to move. mapleview was their destination, the perfect place to raise a family. they got a house and prepared for the birth of their children.  

╰     ‘  still together, sonny and theo now have a set of twins, almost two year old son, river and daughter regan. they are the light of theo’s life and everyday she strives to be better for their sake. without her family, she would be in a very bad place. she’s positive of it.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, DIANA! You’ve been accepted for the role of DIANA. Admin Rosey:  There is a freshness and charm that Daphne brings to everything - her interviews, her conversations, her reasoning. This decision was not at all an easy one because both applications highlighted different aspects of her that we love and adore. But ultimately it was this voice, this distinctly Daphne voice that brought the decision to a close. She makes you fall in love with her that much more. I can't to see what she does when you bring her to life on the dash!  Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Diana

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | she/her/hers

Activity Level | y’all know, but I’m about to graduate college + be unemployed for a bit, so I’ll have writing time.

Timezone | PST

How did you find the rp?  | Div Stanning since 2017.

Current/Past RP Accounts | Castora’s account.

IN CHARACTER

Character | Daphne Adèle Allard / Diana

What drew you to this character? | Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Daphne knows this, even if the crown she wears is a halo of thornless roses – and she fucking loves that halo, no matter what the cost is. What draws me to Daphne is that even though she’s an impeccable pickpocket, even though she loves power, and even though she’s got plenty of vices despite her cherubic features,  Daphne loves. She knows what it’s like to suffer (even if it’s not like what others have gone through) and she wants to do something. She wants to help, but how much of that is her ego and how much of that is genuine is ambiguous. There’s that line between a good person and someone who does  good deeds that’s very blurred when it comes to Daphne, and that fascinates me. She looks like someone who would get chewed up and spit out by the mafia, but her light shines brighter. In some ways, she’s like an anti-Marie Antoinette; she’s got that aesthetic, but she’s too bright to do a “Let them eat cake” moment (even though I know she didn’t actually say that) or play peasantry at a fancy cottage. She’s privileged and beloved and smart enough to know how to combine the two.  I also find it fascinating that she almost wishes that she was that princess in an ivory tower – so everyone could be safe – and that while she embodies a little of that trope, she’s this really interesting reversal, where she’s both the princess and the dragon. There’s this interplay between the corruption of power and the trope that the people who don’t want power are the ones best suited for it; Daphne is not as angelic as she looks. She wants to save. She wants to be a heroine. She is hesitant of the power she wants to wield because she knows herself too well. But at the same time, there’s nothing wrong with wanting power. Power and goodness is a zero-sum game, especially in Verona. There’s also something relatable about Daphne that I really like, as her experience with getting bullied is reminiscent of my own. She’s incredibly beautiful, incredibly rich, incredibly powerful, and incredibly adored, but she’s still relatable, or at least, knows how to manage her image so that she comes across as aspirational and human, as well. Also, I adore that she’s 31. She’s got some naivete, but she’s a grown-ass woman with her own ambitions. In addition, her mob name is my name, and I’m shallow.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | (1)  A CROWN FOR YOUR PRINCESS – Daphne doesn’t look like it, but she’s got ambition. Right now, she has not let the fact that’s sees a member of organized crime taint her. She is deified, but there is yet to be blood on her hands. I think it would be interesting for Daphne’s mask of heroism to be pushed when she has to do something truly horrible, truly unforgivable in the name of the Capulet’s. Her desire to do good with her desire to get (and keep) her power at war with one another is interesting to me, and I think pushing her to define her moral compass (or lack thereof) and figuring out where she wants to go in the mob power structures could be interesting to play out. (2) A HEART FULL OF LOVE? - Daphne is a lover. She wants love. She wants it to be real. But she’s also engaged to a man that she doesn’t love and is fascinated by Renzo to the point that he’s described as her Achilles’ Heel. Beau can help her get everything she wants – on the paper, they are a fairytale couple – but he doesn’t inspire passion in her yet; at the same time, she would be upset if he were to step out on her. I think it could be interesting to see Daphne’s own feelings for Beau become more real and have to deal with the implications of real love. Because Daphne wants power. She wants to be a heroine. She wants to be adored. But all she’s let the world see is a mask, a symbol. Not a real woman. And it’s impossible to love a symbol; you can be cherished and adored, but never truly, heartbreakingly loved in the way that she wants to be. (3) O, DEATH – Something about Daphne’s bio that fascinated me is that it describes Beau as an Apollo figure whom Daphne sees more like Hades – a man of death, of isolation, and of riches. She’s darkness where there is light. But Daphne is more of the same – she is Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty, but she has her own affair with the darkness inside of her. She is a Persephone and her own Hades. She knows she’s capable of great horrors, and that she could destroy Verona if she wants to. It would be interesting to see Daphne be pushed to that darker place where she wants the city that she adores to burn. People want to destroy beautiful things. Daphne and Verona are both beautiful, and ripe for rot.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | (Devastatingly) yes.

IN DEPTH

Please choose between the interview or the para sample (or both, if you like!)

In-Character Interview: The following questions must be answered in-character, and in para form (quotations, actions written out if applicable, etc). There is no minimum or maximum limit for your response - simply answer as you would if you were playing the character.

What is your favorite place in Verona? She smooths down her hair, subconsciously rearranging the artful brown curls. Daphne doesn’t need to double or triple check in the mirror whether her lipstick is perfect or her eyeliner is crisp. She knows her angles. She knows herself. And she agreed to this interview. Not to talk about her love life, but to talk about the shelter she had just joined the board of. “I’m a Verona girl through and through,” Daphne laughs. “You’re a Verona native, too – right, Signora? You know that this city can be a lot, putting it mildly. And you know I’m just not being facetious when I say that it’s hard to pick a favorite spot. Hmm…but if I had to pick, I’d pick the Castelvecchio Bridge. For so long, it was a symbol of unity in our divided city. My parents used to take me on long walks around the city when I was little, and I remember stopping and looking out over the river. I just have fond memories of Verona at that bridge. And it’s so horrible what happened – the explosion. To have that bright for the city get taken away, it’s just horrible. I’ve been working with the Verona’s Children Relief Fund to help civilian parents who’ve lost their jobs due to the explosion. They’ve been working with families hurt by Verona’s mob war for over a decade, and really, they’re work is incredible. For example, Carlotta Alberti. She’s a single mother living in Borgo Roma with the cutest 12-year-old ever. Give me a sec –” Daphne pulls out her phone and shows the interviewer a picture of her posing with Carlotta and her son, Leo. “The warehouse Carlotta worked in was damaged during the explosion and it hasn’t been rebuilt. She’s got bills to pay. She’s got a kid to provide a future for. Through the Relief Fund, we’ve managed to set Carlotta up with an entry-level position at Falco & Company that has full benefits and room for her to grow.”

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

Daphne grits her teeth. She knows the interviewer means no harm with this question. It’s a chance to show that she’s vulnerable and that even though she’s been blessed to the Heavens with fortune, good looks and renown, Daphne Adèle Allard still has it in her to be a woman of the people. And a woman of the people is good, and kind, and loving, and doesn’t think badly of others. Still, the first thought that pops into her head is Beau. Arrogant, useless, cold-hearted man, Daphne thinks, careful not to let her absolute frustration with her husband-to-be show on her face. “That’s a hard question to answer,” Daphne starts. “Not because I haven’t made mistakes. God knows that I have.” Her heart thunders. Daphne Allard could never escape the feeling that she was on the precipice of destruction – not of herself, but of destroying others. “It’s just that I’m a perfectionist, you know? When I do something, I need to do it right because people are counting on me. A mistake is a ripple that can turn into a tsunami.” The interviewer nods, seemingly embarrassed at having to draw attention to the fact that Daphne avoided her previous question. “But if you had to say?”

Daphne only smiles. “Not coming back to Verona sooner. I love France with all my heart, but Verona is my home. I was away for quite a while. There’s this French saying – Petit a petit, l’oiseau fait son nid. Little by little, the bird makes its nest. And I really want to make my nest here.”

The lady nods. “So, are you excited for marriage then?” “You have no idea.” You really don’t.

“Have you talked about kids, yet?” “We’ve discussed it,” Daphne responds coyly.

What has been the most difficult task asked of you? When in doubt, pivot to the wedding – Daphne had learned this at a young age. Everyone adores a blushing bride. “This is a ‘I need to check my privilege’ moment, but can I say planning a wedding? There’s so much that goes into it. Finding a good venue, good security. Finding a dress when you’ve got curves is not as easy as Say Yes to the Dress makes it look. Beau and I are trying our best to plan a sustainable wedding. We haven’t announced the list of charities yet, but we intend to do a no-gift policy. Instead, we’d like to ask our friends and family to donate to an organization on the yet-to-be announced list.” Beau and Daphne had discussed no such thing….at least, not in earnest, but no one needed to do that. “Okay, but in all seriousness – one of the hardest things I’ve been asked to do is forgive. I was bullied a lot as a child because I dared to be fat. I looked different from the other girls at school, and they let me know it. I remember every taunt, every oink made behind my back, every time someone tried to put me on a crash diet. It took a toll on my self-esteem. Every insecurity I have got magnified. And I really hated those girls. And hate really hurts you; generally speaking, it hurts you more than the other people. Since my engagement, a few people who were not the nicest to me reached out to see how I was filling out my bridal party.” “Seriously?” She asks. “Seriously. For them, the past didn’t matter. But for me, it did. I couldn’t look in a mirror for a year, and even though I’ve moved on, and I love myself and I love my life and I found someone who loves me for me –” Oh, how she wishes that were true. “ – There was still this resentment in my heart that I struggled to let go of. Forgiving those small deep cuts when there’s no apology, no remorse, nothing, was difficult. But I had to do it for myself. Those girls – maybe they’ve changed; I’m an optimist who thinks people are capable of that. Perhaps I’m a bit old-fashioned? Regardless of who they are, I don’t have to go back to being that sad, lonely little girl because they messaged me.” She pauses and adds,  “I’m lucky, you know, that these are the extent of my problems.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues? Everyone and their mother wants to know the answer to this. Daphne has been answering this question for years. The Allard family had long ties to the Capulets, but Daphne was not going to go about advertising that or her own role in the mob. “The rivalry has been going on for years. There’s a lot of wounds on both sides,” Daphne starts. “I want peace for the people of Verona who’ve been caught in the cross-fire.” That’s why I am an emissary for the Capulets. To help, she thinks. I am a relatively high-ranking Capulet emissary because I want to be. She thrived in the darkness, in the cold, just as much as she thrived in the light. A lie. She shone in the darkness, but she craved the light. How badly Daphne Allard wanted to be bright, and shining, and good. “I’m just thinking about the Festival of Love,” Daphne starts, subtly pointing fingers at the Montagues. “So much chaos that didn’t need to happen.”

Extras: If you have anything else you’d like to include (further headcanons, an inspo tag, a mock blog, etc), feel free to share it here! This is OPTIONAL.

Her favorite movie is Amelie

Daphne patronizes numerous charities, but has no set one up in her own name yet. She wants to set up something that could help with homelessness in the city.

She is a Virgo (born August 29th)

Daphne is an ENFJ

She enjoys watching Bon Appetit videos

PLAYLIST (as in, a playlist Daphne would have on her Spotify account)

La Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf

Pavane for a Dead Princess by Maurice Ravel

Primadonna by Marina & the Diamonds

Petite Suite by Claude Debussy

Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles

Spring (Four Seasons) by Antonio Vivaldi

Waking Up Slow by Gabrielle Aplin

Elegie by Gabriel Faure

Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley

Mother Goose Suite by Maurice Ravel

Non je ne regrette rien by Edith Piaf

[tcm]

Counterculture Films of 1969 by Susan King

One often looks at 1969 through nostalgia-trimmed glasses. It was the year we landed on the moon. Woodstock took place. Women’s liberation and equal rights were very much on everyone’s mind. There was sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. People were turning on and tuning out. But the U.S. was still reeling from the assassinations of Senator Robert Kennedy and Rev. Martin Luther King the year before. Richard Nixon was president. The Vietnam War continued to rage and so did the anti-war protests.

Though Hollywood was still producing successful, traditional fare like the Western TRUE GRIT, for which John Wayne won his only Oscar, the counterculture was very much on the studios’ minds. John Schlesinger’s MIDNIGHT COWBOY, the only X-rated film to win the best picture Oscar, found commercial success and Dennis Hopper’s low-budget road picture EASY RIDER, with Peter Fonda and Jack Nicholson, captured the zeitgeist of that time. Its blockbuster status forced the studios to produce films for the young and often disenfranchised.

It was during this turbulent, albeit creative time that Columbia brought French auteur Jacques Demy to Hollywood to make MODEL SHOP. Accompanying Demy on the voyage was his wife and fellow New Wave filmmaker Agnes Varda, who managed to make a short and a feature while her husband was toiling on MODEL SHOP.

The auteur had made his film debut with 1961’s LOLA starring the luminous Anouk Aimee as a cabaret dancer in Nantes who has a young son. Demy had received international acclaim with his lush 1964 musical THE UMBRELLAS OF CHERBOURG, which made Catherine Deneuve a major star. He and Deneuve reunited for the 1967 musical THE YOUNG GIRLS OF ROCHEFORT, which also starred her sister Francois Dorleac and Gene Kelly.

In MODEL SHOP, Gary Lockwood, still riding high from his role in Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 masterpiece 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, plays a young uncompromising and unemployed architect who lives in Los Angeles in a tiny cottage in the middle of oil rigs with his aspiring actress girlfriend (Alexandra Hay). Not only does the couple fight like cats and dogs, Lockwood’s George is about to lose his cherry red sportscar due to back payments and get his draft notice.

While on a search to get money to keep his car, he witnesses a beautiful woman (Aimee) dressed in white in a parking lot and decides to follow her. She is none other than Lola, now divorced and working without a permit in a grungy part of Hollywood at a model shop where men rent a Polaroid to shoot photos of women in intimate settings.

MODEL SHOP wasn’t a hit with critics or audiences, and Demy and Varda packed up their bags and returned to Paris. Nevertheless, the film feels less dated than a lot of the films released 50 years ago. First of all, for anyone living in Los Angeles it’s great fun to watch Lockwood drive around the City of Angels of half-a-century ago. Demy avoided the traditional L.A. locations and set MODEL SHOP in the grungy part of the city reflecting the characters’ marginalized lives. Demy deftly captures the angst and dissatisfaction so many young people were going through at the time.

Paul Mazursky captured the affluent L.A. culture of 1969 with his R-rated comedy BOB & CAROL & TED & ALICE, which marked his feature directorial debut. It was a winner with critics and audiences. And the ads which feature stars Robert Culp, Natalie Wood, Elliott Gould and Dyan Cannon sharing a bed together caused controversy and an even bigger box office.

Documentary filmmaker Bob (Culp) and his wife Carol (Wood) attend one of the era’s enlightenment swingers’ retreats which opens their minds and hearts and makes them more sexually aware. But their uptight friends—the delightfully funny Gould as Ted and Cannon as Alice, who both earned Oscar nominations— are upset at the changes in their friends Bob and Carol.

Featuring a score by Quincy Jones, BOB & CAROL & TED & ALICE also earned Oscar nominations for screenplay and cinematography. It was definitely groundbreaking and is still quite amusing, but it seems so tame by today’s standards that one wonders what all the hullabaloo was about 50 years ago.

There was very little hullabaloo over the comedy-drama STAIRCASE, starring Rex Harrison and Richard Burton in their first film together since 1963’s CLEOPATRA. In fact, the best way to describe the production directed by Stanley Donen is as a mess.

Adapted by Charles Dyer and based on his hit play, STAIRCASE finds Harrison and Burton as longtime lovers who operate a barbershop in a lower-class London neighborhood. Harrison serves up the ham as Charles, an egotistical part-time actor who is about to go on trial for cross-dressing at a nightclub. Burton’s Harry wears a towel on his head because he suffers from alopecia and refuses to wear his wig. He spends a lot of his time taking care of his mother (Cathleen Nesbitt) who has dementia and suffers from incontinence. For the majority of the film the two lovers scream and yell at each other. It’s exhausting to watch. Unlike the recent Brit-com VICIOUS, starring Ian McKellen and Derek Jacobi as a squabbling gay couple, there is little humanity or love emanating from Charles and Harry.

The production was difficult. Both actors were earning over $1 million for their work. And because they wanted to avoid England’s severe taxes, they insisted STAIRCASE be shot in Paris. And talk about demanding stars. Because Elizabeth Taylor didn’t want to be separated from Burton, she insisted the film she was making, the Las Vegas-set THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN also be shot in Paris.

Granted, it was brave of Donen, the actors and 20th Century Fox to make the film, considering it had only been two years since homosexuality had been legalized in England and Wales with the passing of the Sexual Offences Act of 1967. But STAIRCASE is so campy and mean-spirited, no wonder critics panned it and audiences stayed away.

Foreign films broke out of the art house circuit in 1969 with the release of the political thriller Z, directed by Greek-born, French-based director Costa-Gavras. The Algerian production not only became the first foreign language film in three decades to be nominated for the best film Oscar, Z won Academy Awards for best foreign film and editing. Costa-Gavras was also nominated for screenplay and directing. Z, starring Yves Montand, Irene Pappas and Jean-Louis Trintignant, was a very thinly veiled account of the assassination in 1963 of the liberal Greek politician Grigoris Lambrakis.

Costa-Gavras told the L.A. Times in 2009 that the film ended up being made in Algeria because no French producer or distributor wanted to do the film. There was no love story and there were several characters going through it, he said. “I remember even an important producer said to me, I will film the telephone book, but not that story.”

“Thankfully, co-star and co-producer Jacques Perrin knew high-profile individuals in Algeria. We saw the minister of information in Algeria”, noted Costa-Gavras. “He was a very great intellectual. He said we can do it. We can’t give you money, but all the facilities.”

The closing credits were unusual and masterful listing everything that had been banned in Greece after a 1967 military coup including Mark Twain, the Beatles, popular music and even the letter Z because it was symbolic of Lambrakis and the resistance that was still very much alive in the county.

[candaceperry81]

Fast Day 1: Why I’m Fasting

To understand why I’m fasting (and now writing a blog about it), it probably makes the most sense to start with how this blog came to be. I originally started it in 2014. There’s still posts from back then here, but I’ve hidden the rest because they were more raw than this one & it’s time for a fresh start. Apparently, 6 years ago I was going through the same thing I’m going through now: Depressed because I was broke, lonely, & single. Since then, there’s been some ups, but mostly a bunch of downs. 

The depression started around age 10, but I’d say it got serious around 2006 when I graduated from college & found myself without a group of friends to hang out with on a regular basis, we’re talking I didn’t even have people to hang out with once a month. In 2008 it worsened because I was unemployed. I then went in & out of work for years, not reaching financial stability until late 2019. All those years of working my butt off to climb out of financial ruin took a toll on my social life & I found myself in depression again last year due to the social isolation.

Some years ago, I think around 2008 or 2009, I remember walking into Sanctuary Church in Savannah, depressed because I had been single for so many years. A girl walked up not knowing anything about how I was feeling in that moment about my singleness & said God had told her to walk over & share that He wanted me to start praying for my husband. I never really did until many years later, mostly because I was afraid that if I prayed & God didn’t provide, my spirit would be irreparably crushed.

Instead of praying, I did everything else I could think of to change my relationship status. I went on hundreds of one-on-one dates & several speed dates. I tried both paid & free dating sites. I hired a dating coach, a matchmaking company, & a company that will message people for you. I spent literally thousands of dollars in 2019, even though I knew deep down I was wasting my time & money because I’m looking for a needle in a haystack. 

I DID finally begin praying for a husband at some point, I think around 2015. But my prayers haven’t been consistent & I’ve definitely never fasted because I’ve felt weird about it. No one talks about praying for a spouse and when you say you are, people look at you funny. But why shouldn’t we pray for a spouse? We pray for everything else, and who you marry is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.

Over the last few months my depression has grown to the point I started having suicidal thoughts again. Though I’ve had depression since childhood, it’s been years since I’ve been that down. I think they’re this strong now because I’m just plain tired. I’m tired of tired of finding a sliver of hope only for it to be crushed again. It’s just been too many years of fighting this battle.

I know many would say, “You’ll only be happy with God, focus on that” or, “You need to get healthy before you look for a spouse.” I agree to an extent; part of why I’m here is because I tried to do this on my own. However, these same hyper-Spiritual people need to also look at these verses:

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

If Scripture is what we’re to follow, there are no verses that say, “It’s good to be alone & Jesus is all you need,” in fact, the Bible says the opposite, and based on what I’ve read on social media regarding this coronavirus self-isolation period, most people can’t even handle 2 weeks of it. Multiply that feeling times 20, and you have a small picture of what it’s like to be me because I’ve lived like this for most of my life. Some of it’s because it’s very hard to find people who treat others the way they want to be treated, the other part is because my BPD causes me to overreact when I’m mistreated.

Currently, I’m only about 70% sure Jesus/Christianity is real. So this fast might be a total waste of time. But in a last ditch effort to find answers & get out of this cycle hopefully for good, I decided this morning to go on what I’m calling a fast/hunger strike (because I’m a little angry at God for allowing me to be isolated this long).

When I logged onto Instagram this morning, I saw this verse on someone’s story & it confirmed this decision: 

"But Jesus took him by the hand, and lifted him up; and he arose. And when he had came into the house, his disciples asked him privately, why could we not cast him out? And He said unto them, This kind can only come forth by prayer & fasting." -Mark 9:27-29

After I closed my accounts down, I got online to watch my church’s sermon for today & it confirmed this decision too:

The verses that really stood out to me in that message were these:

“Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down form heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” John 6:57-58

My soul has been spiritually hungry for awhile as my faith has gone up & down when everything else went up & down. If Scripture is real, then this is why my life has been so full of death, because I gave up on Scripture.

As far as what to do during this fast goes, these were also in that sermon:

“Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” Joshua 1:8

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 

The 70% of me that believes God/Christianity/Jesus is real says that 1) The Spirit of Poverty, Rejection, Abandonment, & Isolation has been over me my entire life & I need to pray, fast, listen to worship, & read Scripture to get it out, and 2) It’s not a coincidence that I was reminded of all these Scriptures TODAY, right after deciding to fast this morning. 

The 30% of me that says I’m wasting my time also says how can any of this change when I can’t even leave the house & God might not even be listening or care anyway because He didn’t care the first time I trusted Him with my love life?

But there’s still a little hope inside that He cares & one day I won’t be so alone and if I’m to stay alive, I can NOT take this cycle anymore, it’s time for something to change. So, here we go. I’m thinking 30 day fast as of now, but it might end up being longer.

[mautadite]

october book round up

19 books this month, which brings me to 125 for the year, and i’ve officially completed the yearly challenge! :) a little later than last year, but still earlier than i expected. i don’t imagine that i’ll read as much as i did last year, but i can still get a good bit done in two months i think. this month was pretty much just different flavours of romance, once again all audiobooks.

poison kiss - ana mardoll ⭐️⭐️⭐️ mixed feelings about this one. urban fantasy/paranormal with a neat setup and world building, but i feel like the author didn’t tell the story in the most effective way? not enough time spent on certain sections, time skips that were not needed, too many flashbacks. the poly romance was really sweet, though i didn’t much care for the love at first sight aspect when the third character was introduced. but this was a good book overall, with a unique plot and cast; might revisit the series.

the best boy ever made - rachel eliason ⭐️⭐️⭐️ very cute coming of age/ya romance. a conservative country girl is at first shocked when her best friend comes out as trans, but she slowly finds herself becoming his biggest champion, and then falling in love with him. took me a while to warm up to it bc i found the protagonist to be kind of obnoxious. and some of the later plot events were kind of ham-fisted. but i definitely liked it, mostly for sam and how good and kind he was.

i wish you all the best - meason deaver ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ BRUH I’M CRYING IN THE CLUB. this was a really fucking sweet ya romance. the main character finds themselves homeless after they come out as nb to their parents. they move in with their sister, enroll in a new school, and find themselves making friends with (and slowly falling for!) a literal ray of sunshine. this was great, another one of those books i wish i could have read when i was younger. dealt with coming out, depression, anxiety and first love, had great writing, and i’m still thinking about how great the ending lines were.

the neighbour - gerri hill ⭐️⭐️ eh... a book that COULD have been good (woman with a stunted career as a writer moves back home to take care of her ailing mother, finds herself falling for the rich lesbian player next door) but both main characters were so thoroughly unlikable lmao. judgemental, snooty, made jokes about harmful things, kind of elitist... there was one aspect of this book that i really liked (the main character changed careers later in life and it wasn’t seen as a failure, just moving on) but otherwise this was a disappointment.

the turner series - cat sebastian ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ historical romance!!! always a fave. this was a pretty fun series; first three m/m, last one f/f. a bit of mystery and intrigue in all of them, good humour, and a great cast of characters through and through. the second one was probably my favourite; one of the mcs suffered from anxiety attacks in an era where there was a lot of wrong information about mental health, and his love interest (a cheat and a scoundrel) ended up being the best thing that happened to him. although now that i’ve said that i just remembered how very much i love the third book’s protagonist (the rake, to be specific). standout character for sure. the last book has a dear place in my heart bc even though you can tell that the author doesn’t often write f/f, and it was a pretty short novella, it’s still historical lesbians, and i eat up historical lesbians with a spoon. (i could make a pretty bad joke here but lo and behold; i have GREAT self control.)

the secret casebook of simon feximal - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ when k.j. charles is good, SHE’S REALLY FUCKING GOOD. this is a paranormal-mystery/romance book styled after the adventures of sherlock holmes (if you must know one thing about me it’s that i’m a slut for acd holmes, don’t fucking @ me), set in the very universe itself. not quite a pastiche but close enough, and it was so well written, with great world building around the magic and paranormal events, great characters, GREAT ROMANCE. told as stories published by robert, simon’s biographer and lover. i adored this and will definitely reread.

puppy love romance - georgia beers ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a trio of f/f novels centred around an animal rescue, and the women who work and volunteer there and fall in love there. each of these novels was really sweet, grounded in a way that i like for contemporary romance, and they all had adorable dogs in them. and i feel like beers really knows her way around plotting and pacing a novel, especially small town romances. but i also had pretty sizeable nitpicks for each of them lol. part of it is that i just got tired of beers’ writing style (as you can see, i took a break between the series). this is such a weird complaint but oh my god she uses too many adverbs lol. also there was always an emphasis on how amazingly stunningly gorgeously beautiful all six women were and it got so tiresome. idk who wants to read about women who are physically perfect all the time, but it’s not me. and one half of the romantic pair in each book (lisa, emily and sydney, in that order) had attitudes that i found obnoxious and were not resolved and i felt bad for their girlfriends having to deal with them. a fun read all in all, but some of those things rubbed me the wrong way, and i’m ready to take a break from this author. 

bound series - ava march ⭐️⭐️ a resounding meh. historical m/m romance that wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t anything great about it. i only read these like maybe a week and a half ago but i’m struggling to remember details. there was bdsm, which i didn’t hate, but i also didn’t care. the plot was bleh, the sources of conflict were weak, and one of the dudes was kind of an asshole. /shrug emoji

reverie - eliza andrews ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ god... GOD. the ride i took with this book was like... a really sexy butch took me out to dinner, wined and dined me, and in the very last course she leaned over and spit in me food. the premise: a woman on the run from her abusive ex-husband settles into a small town where she find herself drawn to the only out lesbian in town, a sweet butch ex-marine, and her mysterious nurse of a neighbour. this book was soooooooo well written, so well crafted, so moving, so beautiful. a paranormal mystery that actual kept me guessing. i was ready to name it the best f/f book i read this year, if not the best romance period. and then the ending. the FUCKING ENDING. i’ve rarely been so let down in my life. i’m looking at the four stars i gave this and wondering if i should go lower because SERIOUSLY. thinking about it is getting me kind of upset. this book could have been SO good. uuuuuugh. 

brothers of the wild north sea - harper fox ⭐️⭐️ this is tricky because like. this book was definitely like, not good lmao, but it was good enough that i almost feel guilty giving it 2 stars. this is a historical romance that takes place more than a thousand years ago between a viking and a monk. it wasn’t badly written, probably wasn’t historically accurate but i mean, i don’t care. but it was too long, i didn’t care about the characters, it was badly plotted, and just really confusing overall. i think harper fox is great at writing romance, but all other aspects of this novel fell flat.

escape velocity - anah crow, dianne fox ⭐️⭐️⭐️ sci-fi m/m romance. a linguistic researcher and a pilot struggling with his religious beliefs fall into a whirlwind romance. pretty cute. i found it too short as i find most novellas, but i think the authors did a lot in relatively few words. definitely wish there was more worldbuilding. kind of hope the authors have plans to make this a series.

nowhere ranch - heidi cullinan ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a sweet romance between a farm hand and his boss. i didn’t think i’d like it much, but it was pretty enjoyable! very simple writing stuff that fit well with the gruff, no-nonsense, trying to shut everyone out protagonist. i really liked him; identified with him a lot, and his journey into opening up, dealign with his anxiety and self-worth issues. and the romance was sweet (though oooof, some of the sex scenes were too much). the book went from being really raunchy to really domestic and i kind of liked that. the resolution came a bit too quick, but i enjoyed it nonetheless.

that’s it for october! still currently unemployed, waiting for the people i signed a contract with to call me. since i don’t want to dip too much into my savings i’ve been doing odd jobs here and there, and might take a more steady part-time job in the meantime? all of that to say: i probably won’t be reading as much in november. i’m currently reading the first book in the spencer cohen series, and not... really loving it, lol, so i might pass on the others.

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

                                  Kang Ara, who is known by no other name;                                        a 19 year old daughter of Ahau Chamahez.                                                    She is currently unemployed.

FC NAME/GROUP: Lee Jinsook (Yeoreum), WJSN CHARACTER NAME: Kang Ara AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 19; January 10, 2000 PLACE OF BIRTH: Seoul, South Korea OCCUPATION: Unemployed HEIGHT: 5’2” DEFINING FEATURES: Large, doe-like eyes, flawless skin, button nose.

PERSONALITY: Ara is extremely passive, obedient and naive; just as she was raised to be. She speaks when spoken to, follows orders, and goes out of her way to do everything perfectly. An empath, she feels deeply for those around her and often puts the needs of others before her own. She has always been a caregiver, a motherly and comforting presence.

Or, that is what she has been like up to this point. She has spent her entire life under the thumb of a madman, so she has a lot of growing to do- especially in light of what she recently survived. She knows very little about the world outside of her secluded commune and how to navigate it, but her faith in her old way of life has been shaken and she is tentatively willing to see what the real world has to offer; but perhaps not yet ready to accept it.

HISTORY: (tw: cult, abuse, implied rape, miscarriage, mass suicide)

Ara, born Lee Jinsook, was kidnapped when she was two years old. Her MOTHER/FATHER left her in  a shopping cart while HE/SHE walked twenty feet away to get milk, and when HE/SHE turned back, HIS/HER daughter was gone.

From that moment on, Ara lived in a small commune known as God’s Meadow, and she was raised by God’s Heavenly Disciples- a religious cult who were indoctrinated to believe that anyone outside of their small community were sinful, evil worshippers of the devil. They were taught to be fearful of the outside world and lived in almost complete isolation. They had no modern technology, they were all educated by the cult, and as many members as possible were brought in as young children so that the cult would be all they ever knew.

Ara’s childhood was happy. She was raised by loving (if strict) parents, got to play with the other children in the commune, obediently did all of her chores, and had no idea of what she was missing in the outside world. It was only when she turned eight, and it was beginning to become apparent that she would be beautiful when she was older, that things began to change. Father Kang, their leader, started spending a lot of time with her. At first, it was nice. She got special treatment; nicer clothes, a nicer dwelling, specially made meals, and much more.

When she was fourteen, it was announced that she would be Father Kang’s wife. She was ecstatic, over the moon to be able to serve God in such a wonderful way. That enthusiasm disappeared after their wedding night. However, Ara was the perfect parishioner- she did not know that what Father Kang did to her was wrong, even though she did not like it. It was simply her duty, as his wife, to do what he wanted for him. And so she did.

Despite Father Kang’s best efforts, it took three years for Ara to get pregnant. She was nearly eighteen when she went into labour, and she could not wait to be a mother. She had been told since she was a child that her only purpose was to raise many, many children for her husband, and she wanted so desperately to do just that. But when she gave birth, the room was silent.

No crying.

No breathing.

The baby was stillborn.

Ara was devastated, Father Kang was livid.

Due to complications during labour, the doctor told Father Kang that another pregnancy might endanger Ara’s life. Father Kang did not care. However, after another eight months of failing to conceive, Father Kang married another girl, Jinah; who already had a husband and a few children. A woman who had “proven herself useful”, as he scornfully told Ara. She was still married to him, and he seemed to like her a lot more than his new wife, but she was defective.

“God has punished you. You’re only useful as a bed-warmer now, Ara,” Father Kang told her as he pulled on his robe and went off to spend the night with his other wife.

She did find some use for herself in the commune, though. She had always had some skill when it came to treating wounds and sickness, so she began to help out the doctor. She even grew her own little herb garden. It was not much, but it at least helped with her grief- and she proved to be very good at medicine.

A few months later, Father Kang gathered all of the residents of God’s Meadow into the recreation hall under the guise of throwing a party to celebrate the birth of his first child, who he called the Messiah. Wine was served and a toast was given. Everyone drank. Ara stood off to the side, unable to bring herself to join in the celebration. She was happy for Father Kang and Jinah, but she was still not over the loss of her own child.

She noticed that Father Kang did not drink either, although he did insist that his newborn baby be given a sip. After a few minutes, Father Kang noticed that she had not touched her drink and clinked his glass with hers. The look on his face told her that if she did not join in and drink, she would regret it.

Just as Ara was bringing the cup to her lips, a few people began choking and fell to the floor. She paused, horrified, and turned to Father Kang in a panic. He just smiled at her and gestured for her to drink. More people were affected now, moaning and writhing in pain on the floor. Ara did not understand why- a confusion that was only amplified when she went to set down her drink and go try to help everyone. Father Kang grabbed her roughly by the arm and forced the cup to her lips, pouring its contents down her throat before downing his own glass. “Do not be scared, Ara, we will all be in God’s arms soon,” he told her, pulling her in close. She tried to pull away, knowing that she could help the people dying around them, but he held her tight and he seemed to suffer the least. Her chest began to tighten, it felt like her blood was on fire.

She had always been a believer, the perfect disciple, but she did not want to die. Not yet. It was the first individual thought she had ever had.

But, luckily, Father Kang was much older. The poison worked quicker on him. Ara managed to pull herself from his hold and stumbled outside. He started screaming, but she did not even pause. She was crawling by the time she made it to her herb garden. Her vision blurred as she pulled leaves off of stems and crushed them in her palm- it was a crude concoction, but as soon as she swallowed it she began to feel better. By that time, all the noise from inside had stopped. The commune was silent. She was alone.

Ara packed up the few things she had, a little food and her herbs, and set off into the forest that surrounded God’s Meadow. She had no idea where she was going, or even if there was anywhere to go to, but she knew that she could not stay there alone. She stumbled through the countryside for five days before a farmer found her on the edge of his property, half-delirious from dehydration and hunger. He took her to the closest hospital, where she told them about what had happened. They did not believe her until the police went to investigate and found sixty-eight bodies in the commune.

However, they still did not believe that she had been poisoned and had survived. The only person who believed that was a particularly attentive nurse, one that offered to take Ara to a place where people like her belonged when she was released from the hospital. “If you really managed to cure that poison with just some herbs, you belong in Mount Phoenix.”

PANTHEON: Mayan CHILD OF: Ahau Chamahez POWERS: The power of rapid healing through application (bandage, ointment, potion) as well as the ability to ease pain and suffering through physical contact. STRENGTHS: Empathetic, optimistic, resourceful, a care-giver. WEAKNESSES: Gullible, under-educated, indecisive, set in her ways.

[freshlyjuicedbeetles]

Drakgo Fic - Gap

Drakken feels weird about how much older he is than Shego when meeting her friends.

Drew Theodore P. Lipsky AKA the infamous Dr. Drakken had overcome many obstacles in his life.  He fought Kim Possible more times than he could count (and he could count pretty high). He managed to evade punishment for his many dastardly deeds in the past. Even when he was captured, prison wasn’t that bad; a Hannibal Lecter-esque high tech cell that sounded alarms every time his back popped is quite cozy once you get used to the electronic hum. Although, meeting his wife’s best friends was one obstacle he wasn’t sure he could conquer successfully.

Drakken had already met Shego’s immediate family with mixed results within the first few months of them dating. Not that Shego cared if he met her family but she couldn’t deny how awkward it would be if the first time they met her husband was at the wedding (even if they did elope). Her brother Heath turned up the machismo and pulled the ‘if you hurt my baby sister blah blah blah…” Michael seemed annoyed that he was dragged into this and had better things to do. The twins Wesley and William didn’t care, just a quick hi and they ran off to play. Her mother, Kate, thankfully, seemed to be the only one with a good head on her shoulders and only a little intimidating. Her father, well, Shego hasn’t spoken to him in a long time. He was invalid in her mind. Drakken meeting her friends was an actual priority for Shego. It took some orchestrating since they went to different colleges and lived in different states but finally made it work for a long weekend together.

They were throwing a small housewarming party. For many years, home was a lab that happened to have living quarters for Drakken and Shego and barracks for the henchman. Now, the lab was across town. Global Justice didn’t like them on too long of a leash. They managed to get out many of their personal belongings from all the past lairs (after GJ checked them of course) before destroying the lairs. That didn’t stop Drakken from starting a new lab down in the basement…

He didn’t know what to expect at first. The Mothman? A Chupacabra? A pack of wild wolves? Drakken couldn’t imagine Shego having normal friends, especially when her life changed drastically at such a young age. So, he did some sleuthing. Okay, okay, he searched Shego’s friend's list on Facebook. If he had an actual lab at home, he could unleash his real computer skillz.

Savannah Coffman, 27, BFA in visual arts, working towards her Masters, both from CalArts; unemployed.

Jill Nesbitt, 26, BBA, owns her own business in New Orleans. One citation for yelling ‘come at me, bro!’ at a living statue street performer.

Okay, nothing too alarming.

As their arrival time drew near, Commodore Puddles was put outside in the fenced backyard with water and plenty of toys to keep him busy. He really did not like company. When the doorbell rang, he started barking furiously and running back and forth to each side gate and back to the backdoor. How dare those filthy humans not let him have his prey!

“Don’t be weird,” Shego whispered harshly, before opening the door.

“Stephanie!” Jill and Savannah screeched, excitedly.

They enveloped Shego in a tight hug. Drakken was surprised that Shego didn’t seem to mind, even reciprocated. She didn’t let just anybody touch her. There were times when she wasn’t crazy that he was hugging her.

Drakken stood there in awkwardly as they greeted each other, complimenting each other’s looks and remarking on how long it had been since they last seen each other.

“Guys,” Shego said, nodding her head towards Drakken.

“Wow, you aren’t what I was expecting,” Jill said.

“Thanks?” Drakken replied, not sure how to take it.

Savannah studied him, “Yeah, I guess I expected the tall and dark type.”

“Yeah,” Jill added, “You guys were evil and whatnot at one point. You kinda look like my dad, but on a bad day.”

“I mean, he has a scar…”

“He got it from shaving,” Shego said, barely holding back laughter.

Jill got very close to Drakken’s face, who tried to lean away “What’s with the blue veins?” She asked Shego.

“Okay!” Shego interrupted, “This is Drew.” She said as she pulled Jill away from him.

They exchanged awkward hellos. Drakken already wanted to find a cave and hide.

Shego quickly ushered them into the living room while handing Drakken the bottle of wine Jill had brought that was forgotten in the welcoming frenzy. He had always wanted to see New Orleans, he thought as he set out to make the drinks. Shego was more of a Jack and Diet Coke kinda gal.

“Shit Steph, you have an actual place. I practically live in a closet above my shop.” Jill said.

“Same.  Student Housing.” Savannah added.

“Don’t follow my example,” Shego warned, throwing herself on the couch with her legs across it.

As Drakken prepared their drinks, the women talked hurriedly and loudly in excitement and howled with laughter. It sounded like a coven of crazed witches planning their next ritual. He was just really glad that Shego was having fun.

He brought in the drinks and sat down next to Shego, moving her legs. She scowled at him as he did so but ignored her.

“Steph, look what I found,” Jill said, pulling out a worn, furry blue photo album.

Shego’s nickname hit his ears. She was very selective with who she let address her by her real name or any part of it.

She gasped in recognition as Jill and Savannah crowded around them.

Drakken peered over Shego’s shoulder. There were pictures of the young girls at sleepovers with butterfly clips in their hair, first days of school on sunny mornings, them pulling faces in a school hallway in front of lockers (Shego had braces?!), a group picture of them at prom and at graduation. A picture taken of the girls at a dance in line for the Cha-Cha Slide with Shego dressed tight jeans, focusing on her footwork. Shego was blonde at one point!? Shego with a purple streak in her thick, raven hair, Shego and her friends scowling at the camera with thick black eyeliner circling their eyes. Shego with alternative, teased hair, sticking her tongue out.

“No!” Shego howled, covering her face in embarrassment, “Burn that thing! It’s too cringey!”

Damn. Even some of his teenage photos were in black and white. Was their age gap that severe? Some of the slang Shego used sounded like a foreign language to him.    What if they had kids? Drakken didn’t want to senile before his child’s graduation.

Their age difference of ten or so years never truly crossed his mind until then. As much as they were opposites in personality, they agreed on many things. Just different enough to keep things interesting, similar enough to keep a relative peace. In fact, the only time age was an issue was with the radio setting, when Drakken wanted to listen to the 70’s or 80’s station and Shego would roll her eyes and call the music corny. That, or have no idea who was playing.

Drakken had long ago accepted the fact that Shego was way out of his league, that he was the picture of a flattered fool. Even though he was a scientist, and scientists are taught to question everything, he chose not to. He knew Shego loved him and that she was trustworthy. Still, things got to him.

“Hey, Doc, has Steph told you about the time she tripped during eight grade graduation and knocked down our entire line?”

“No, no, no,” Jill said waving her hand excitedly and putting her glass down on the coffee table. “Remember the time she projectile vomited all over Amberlynn in tenth grade and everyone called her puky-lynn until we graduated?”

“Well, she was being a bitch and I had the stomach flu. It was just good timing,” Shego replied casually, playing with her hair.

“You should have seen it! She looked like the kid from the Exorcist!”

“And she looked so proud of herself afterward!”

“I was proud of myself afterward!

They lost themselves in stories of teachers; the good, the bad and the ugly, field trips and other school memories. Feeling self-conscious, Drakken excused himself with little notice from the women.

Shego, however, noticed and could tell something was wrong. She gave him some time before slipping away while Jill and Savannah argued about who really stole Savannah’s rainbow gel pen in fourth grade. Spoiler alert, it was Shego.

She found her husband in the bedroom, “What? Do we have cooties or something?” She teased as she sat down next to him.

Drakken was lost in thought, not looking at his wife. “Am I really that old?” He finally asked, not exclusively to Shego.

Shego scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Are we really doing this?”

“Yes! I feel like I’m robbing the cradle!”

“You need to chill. Don’t put much stock into what Jill says. I’m not entirely sure she’s human.”

That got a chuckle from the scientist.

“Has anyone who we actually like cared about our age gap?” Shego urged.

“Well, Mother was concerned- “

Shego cut him of dismissively, “She doesn’t count. Look, we’ve been through a lot of stuff together. How many times have we been separated because one of us was in jail and yet we got right back to where we were like it never happened? Drew. I hate to admit these kinda things, but you are more mature and wiser than me. How often do I rush into something stupid and you pull me back, telling me to think?”

The time she wanted to spend a good chunk of her bank account on a new purse when what she really needed was a new pair of boots for her suit came to mind.

And the time she really wanted to go BASE jumping while she was recovering from a concussion brought on by Ron Stoppable.

And anytime she speeds or runs a red light.

Despite all the stress he felt worrying for her general safety, she did keep things interesting.

“Not just that, remember the time we decided we wanted to go see the Northern Lights on the spur of the moment and we just kept traveling for nearly a month? Or that mosh pit at the Ghost concert last Halloween? Naked Twister?  What about Rex the crocodile? She wouldn’t have survived if we didn’t take care of her for that month after she was injured in that hurricane. Tell me, would some broad your age go for all those things? I’m even including the crazy and exciting things we did and still get to do as part of our jobs!” She said.

Shego sat down on Drakken’s lap, wrapped her arms around him and looked into his eyes, “You aren’t the type of guy I’d date, let alone marry, but those guys were actual idiots. I don’t know how they’re still alive, whether from forgetting to breathe or staring at the sun for too long. I found out that I want substance in a guy and to have an actual conversation with my significant other. I found out that that’s what I want.”

Drakken smiled contently, “Thank you, Stephanie. I love you.”

“I love you, Drew.”

They sealed their proclamations with a kiss.

“You’re still a doofus though,” Shego said once they pulled away.

Drakken groaned. She could only be so nice.

“Are we good?” She asked.

Drakken nodded.

“Great, because Amberlynn lives around here and we’re gonna go egg her house,” Shego said, grinning deviously.

“I’ll drive and get my bat to knock over her mailbox!” Drakken replied giddily.

“See? We’re still a perfect team!”

[aridara]

I’ve seen that this list of bad-stuff-that-feminists-SUPPOSEDLY-did-to-harm-men is going around again recently.

So, I’ve decided to simply copy-and-paste my rebuttal here, with slight modifications. Now with added quotes!

Okay, I’m going to number each single link Takashi0 provides. If it’s something that I’ve already talked about, I’ll be very brief about them, because there are 138 (if I didn’t miscount) links, and I can’t repeat myself every fucking time.

Feminists threaten to kill woman for saying men need abuse shelters.

1 No proof that it was feminists who threatened, in any way, Pizzey.

Feminists prevent a meeting about male suicide.

2 The meeting did happen. It wasn’t prevented from happening, nor did the protesters tried to via violent means.

Feminists stage mock murders to scare men.

3 No mainstream feminists defended them.

Feminist attacks male cartoonist and is hailed a hero of feminism.

4 Solanas wasn’t “hailed a hero of feminism”, neither back then, nor now.

Feminists shut down forum for battered husbands.

5 No proof that it was feminists; the forum continued.

Propaganda campaign against male fathers wanting custody.

6 Unsourced claim.

Feminists wish to slander accused names before convicted.

7 Feminists pointed out that protecting the names of those accused of rape while denying the same to those accused of crimes like murder or terrorism is patently unjust. This from Takashi0’s own source.

Try to shut down female prisons.

8 Becuse they don’t work - reconvictions and suicides were unusually high. Moreover, the release only involved convicts with light sentences that weren’t threats to society.

Create rape laws that exclude female rapists.

9 Suspicious source (see here); also, no word about whether those laws passed or not. Not to mention that, given the massive epidemic of rape on women in India, they really neded to sort out their priorities. (See also this thread.)

Make it impossible to charge women with rape.

10 Due to how Israel’s trials go, a man’s testimony trumps over a woman; if that law was in place and a woman can’t prove she has been raped (which is hard to prove), then the rapist could use this “non-conviction” as “proof” that she raped him and score a conviction. Also, the law only applies to a woman forcing the victim to penetrate her; if a woman penetrates a victim with a body part or object, even without this particular law she’d still be charged with rape.

Feminists against equal custody.

11 They’re against using 50/50 custody as the default; this is because it has repeatedly demonstrated that the most beneficial thing for the kid is to be able to stay with the parent that took care of them the most.

Female felons should serve home sentences.

12 Should read “Female felons should serve home sentences if they aren’t violent, but have parental duties, since we can’t just throw children in foster care”.

Told judges to be lenient on women.

13 Because they’re more likely to have parental duties or mental illnesses. It’s still a case-by-case procedure.

Feminists cover up female domestic violence.

14 Murray-Straus cites only ONE case where a publication was blocked, and offers no proof that it was feminists, nor the details of the case. The rest of his argument is basically “Feminists don’t talk about male victims of DV, this means that they are preventing everyone from helping them”. Sure. So is the World Wildlife Found. </sarcasm>

Feminists don’t want the gov to help unemployed men.

15 Feminists pointed out that there were various female-dominated jobfields in difficulty, too. And they didn’t ask for men to not be helped - they asked for women to be helped too.

Feminists launch campaigns to help girls only while boys are doing worse in every facet of education.

16 There still is a wage gap, a pay gap, a hiring gap, and a promoting gap. That’s the reason for those pro-girls campaigns.

Males who were raped as a child still have to pay child support.

17 The most recent case is from 1996, all of those cases haven’t been picked by any newsource whatsoever, and male rapists can get child custody for the children born from those rapes in these days.

Women should have the right to put a child up for adoption before the father gets custody.

18 The father in question didn’t have custody in the first place.

Feminists against beyond reasonable doubt when it’s male rapists.

19 Penal cases are based on “innocent unless proven guilty beyond any reasonable doubt”. Civil cases - what the article was about - are based around “preponderance of evidence” which, as the article’s author puts it, means “the relevant body looks at all the evidence and rules for the party it thinks has the stronger case”. So, basically, slagartehfox wants civil cases of rape - and only rape - to have the same restrictions to evidence as penal cases.

5 rights feminism ignores for men.

20 This is actually a 5-in-1 bullshit list. (Also: JudgyBitch? Really?)

Men already have the right to decide whether to keep or terminate their own pregnancies. Oh, wait, JB wants men to be able to decide for others’ pregnancies. What next, does she wants to stay at home on sick leave when a colleague has a broken leg but she’s perfectly fine?

Feminists ARE the ones taking male rape seriously. MRAs… not so much. (See point 4 of this post of mine.)

Feminists aren’t the ones shaming men for talking about their feelings or admitting that they have mental problems - misoginysts are the ones shaming other men for being “weak”, or rather, “feminine”. (See here and here.)

Again: feminists aren’t against 50/50 shared custody being the default because they assume that women are “naturally” better caregivers - they’re against it because favoring the kids’ “primary caregiver” is more beneficial for those kids.

Feminists HAVE spoken against forced circumcision, and they aren’t preventing anyone from trying and solve this issue. MRAs? Only speak about it in discussions about FGM, in order to paint feminists as penis-cutting monsters. THAT’S IT.

Feminists blame males for their abuse.

21 Tries to demonstrate that women commit the majority of DV act by referencing the study that uses the Conflict Tactics Scale, which, among other things, doesn’t differentiate single incidents from repeated behaviours, doesn’t differentiate acts in self-defense from acts of abuse, and doesn’t consider at all sexual assaults and rapes.

The primary aggressor clause where only men get charged with abuse.

22 Unsourced claim. Also: no proof to disprove that the vast majority of DV offenders are men.

Shame men into going to war.

23 The White Feather Movement was created in the first place by far-right nationalists.

Feminists dismiss female child rapists.

24 The Honey Badge Brigade did, in fact, lie. The HBB stated “95% of abused boys in juvenile facilities reported being attacked/coerced by female staff“. This “statistic” doesn’t appear anywhere in the cited source; what is written is “Among the estimated 1,390 adjudicated youth who reported victimization, 89.1% were males reporting sexual activity with female staff only, and 3.0% were males reporting sexual activity with both female and male staff” (p.23). How is “sexual victimization” defined in the survey? “Sexual victimization—any forced sexual activity with another youth (nonconsensual sexual acts and other sexual contacts) and all sexual activity with facility staff“ (p.7). “All sexual activity with facility staff”, even if consensual and legal.

Feminists say men can’t talk about domestic abuse.

25 Question: where did Costello said “Men can’t talk about domestic abuse”? Answer: Nowhere - Takashi0 made that up!

Feminists mock a man who has his dick cut off.

26 Pretty much no feminist has defended that one. And before you say “No Ture Scotsman!”: we’re at 26 links so far - 30, if you consider the JudgyBitch one as 5 different points. Up until now, Takashi0 managed to drag up only 3 istances of feminists doing something awful - and ZERO istances of those people being defended by the vast majority of feminists.

Strawmanning MRA members.

27 That’s because MRAs are misogynists. Hell, have you forgot the existance of Pick-Up Artists (”I hate women but I want to have sex, here’s some ways to coerce them into sex”) or Men Going Their Own Way (”I hate women, so I don’t want to think about them, let me talk over and over on the Net about how women are awful”)? People can’t discern sides of the manosphere because they’re pretty much all characterized by misogyny.

feminists attack church.

28 The video depicts a (probably feminist) protest in front of a church. Not an “attack”. [EDIT 19/01/2016: Apparently it was a protest against Argentina’s massively fucked-up laws on abortion, which severely limit them. They’re the reason why 80.000 women per year end up in the hospital due to complications caused by illegal, non-sanitary abortions… and are arrested for having an abortion if they survive afterwards. And only 1 in 8 abortions (out of 450-600.000 per year) in Argentina are performed legally.]

Feminists transphobia

29 Congratulations: you finally found a sizable group of feminists that are legitimately awful (Trans-Exclusionari Radical Feminists, or TERFs). Too bad you’re way too late for the “Feminists should care about trans* people too, not being transphobic!“ by about a quarter of century.

Feminists slander the MRM

30 Repeated link - see 27.

Again,

31 Nope, the article is accurate. There is no systemic oppression of white cishet men (Systemic oppression isn’t just “I am discriminated against”, you also need a social system that upholds said discrimination to a systemic level - and there is no vast majority of women/POCs/lgbt+ people oppressing white cishet men); MRAs really did try to slander the Don’t Be That Guy campaign with their “False rape accusations are an epidemic, stop encouraging them!” bullshit (which has been repeatedly proven to be false); pretty much none of the issues MRAs worry about are caused by - or prevented from being solved by - feminists; and, in fact, the MRM has done nothing at all to solve those issues, preferring instead to attack feminists.

And again,

32 Elliott Rodger was literally dripping with his own misogyny. He regularly frequented first PUA sites, and then the PUAHate subreddit. His violent misogyny was pretty much the final consequence of the general manosphere’s misogynistic rethoric. Also, feminists didn’t claim that Rodger was a MRA, the Daily Kos did. And no, despite what the Honey Badgers can say, Futrelle wasn’t involved.

Call them terrorists.

33 While peole do think that calling the MRM “terrorist” is quite excessive, there’s no denial of the massive amount of hate present in it. Here and here manospherians justify Lepine; here’s proof that the Tom Ball manifesto stayed on AVfM’s front page for way too much time; and here, here and here are the manospherians’ opinions on Rodger. They aren’t terrorists - they’re cheerleaders for terrorists.

Feminists say Men can’t be raped.

34 Broken and probably repeated link - see 9.

Feminists defend female raping minor.

35 ………Barbara Ellen is a prominent feminist? Oh, right, I forgot - she’s a woman, and she’s saying something you don’t like, therefore of course she’s a feminist. (Meanwhile: MRAs believe that a minor boy “having sex with” an adult woman is something enviable: 1, 2, 3.)

Feminist defends why fucking an 8 year old boy isn’t rape.

36 Zero proof that kermitismywaifu is a feminist. In fact, it seems he’s NOT.

Feminists primary aggressor clause discriminates against males.

37 WAVA is already gender-neutral. Plus: if the MRM wants male shelters, then why didn’t they do like feminists did and fund them?! Hell, with WAVA you’d easily get financial aid from the government!

Feminists cover up female domestic abuse stats.

38 Broken link, but probably a repeat of 14.

Woman smashing bottle in mans face in public. Nobody gives a fuck.

39 Oh, right, I remember when they’ve tried this before. How many times have they done the play? And how many times they’ve shown the one istance where nobody helped?

Jezebel mocks men who are abused.

40 Jezebel critiqued the faulty CTS study. Bad taste? Sure. Plenty of feminists admit that. We’re still waiting for MRAs to stop bringing up that massively flawed study.

Feminists make sure the gov doesn’t spend money on male shelters or male research.

41 Same argument as 37. Why don’t MRAs fund male shelters? Oh, right, because they don’t give a shit about male victims.

Female on male abuse in public is at best ignored, and at worst celebrated.

42 Where’s the unedited footage? Where are the bystanders’ reactions? (See point 39)

Public stops a man from abusing a woman in public, same crowd laughs when the roles are reversed.

43 Oh hey, it’s the #ViolenceIsViolence fraudolent video! See here for details!

No funding for male shelter.

44 Again: WAVA IS GENDER-NEUTRAL. There’s this guy who’s asking for help to build this shelter, but have any of you ever heard MRAs raising their asses and doing something to help building those shelters? Nooooooo! (Also: good job spreading that “there are no resources for men” narrative. Apparently MRA’s prefer to tell male victims that they cannot receive any help, than to direct them towards actually existing resources like this or this or this…)

Founder of Canadas only male shelter for abuse forced to close due to lack of funding before committing suicide.

45 Did feminists cut off his fundings? No. Did they prevent anyone from supporting him? No. Did MRAs raised money to help this guy? No.

Feminists threaten to kill woman for saying men need abuse shelters.

Feminists prevent a meeting about male suicide.

Feminists stage mock murders to scare men.

Feminist attacks male cartoonist and is hailed a hero of feminism.

Feminists skewed the Definition of Domestic Abuse, resulting in only male abusers being arrested and female abusers not.

46-50 Repeated points - see 1, 2, 3, 4 and 22.

Feminists’s DV training hurts Police training

51 Misleading title. What happend was: a husband attacks a man. He claims that it was self-defense because, he says, said man attempted to attack and rape his wife. The wife had previously given a taped statement to the police, stating that the man wasn’t armed. She then refused to testify in person by invoking marital privilege. Not “feminists’s DV training”.

Feminist Mary Koss denies malerape victims.

52 Koss doesn’t “deny male rape victims”. She simply states that for the purpose of researching the subject “forced to penetrate” should be a separate category.

53 Broken link to a page named “Sommers”. Possibly, it portrayed these debunked statements of her.

54 Link that shows that Koss, in her survey, attained herself to the local (Ohio) legal definition of rape because otherwise her critics would’ve dismissed her survey “because she broadened the definition of rape beyond the reasonable”. They still tried to discredit her that way, though.

Feminists violently protesting against Warren Farrell at U of Toronto

55 Repeated point - see 2. Also: no acts of violence were made.

A mob of feminists at a recent protest attacking and sexually molesting a group of Rosary-praying Catholic men who were peacefully protecting the cathedral in the city of San Juan from threats of vandalism.

56 Repeated point - see 28. And there was no “attack” or “sexual molesties”.

Feminists disrupt a forum for battered men

57 Repeated point - see 5.

Feminists fought a law for equal custody to be the default if both parents want custody and neither parent is unfit.

58 Broken link to Glenn Sacks. Also: probably repeated point (11).

Multiple times.

Feminists started a campaign against Father’s rights groups

Feminists fought against laws granting men anonymity until charged with the crime of rape—not convicted, just charged.

Feminists fought against a law to end to the justice system favoring women simply because they are women, and giving men harsher sentences simply because they are men.

Feminist fought against men want equal treatment when victims of domestic violence, and to not be arrested for the crime of “being male” under primary aggressor policies.

Feminists in India and Israel fought against femalerapists being arrested, charged and convicted of rape.

Feminists fought against a economic stimulus for male-dominated job such as construction, etc.

59-66 All repeated points - see 11, 6, 7, 8, 21, 9, 10 and 15.

Feminist fought a law against Paternity Fraud.

67 The link only states what the “Revocation of Paternity Act” is. Not that feminists fought it. In fact, a search for “feminism revocation of paternity act” pretty much only brings up anti-feminists sites linking to the same webpage.

Feminist Harriet Harman has publicly requested employers to hire women in preference to White men if both job candidates are equally

68 It was basically affirmative action, it was for women and ethnic minorities (and yes, there IS discrimination against them), and most importantly it was NOT a law proposal and thus there was no obligation for those firms to follow.

Equality Minister,feminist Patricia Hewitt, was found guilty of breaching the Sex Discrimination Act by “overlooking a strong male candidate for a job in favour of a weaker female applicant”.

69 Congratulations: you found a woman doing a Bad Thing. And? Are you claiming that feminism as a whole is bad because of one woman, but that one of the biggest MRM websites putting up a libelous “criminal registry” is the action of an extremist fringe? Or that widespread hiring biases against women don’t exist because of this one woman being biased?

Elected in 2009, the lesbian feminist prime minister Johanna Sigurdardottir has vowed to “end of the Age of Testosterone

70 Do you know what the “Age of Testosterone” refers to? The 2008-11 Iceland financial crisis, caused by aggressive economic policies opposed by, among other groups, feminist groups.

Feminists want to peeing while standing illegal

71 False description - that left party is pushing to exchange stand-only toilets in male restrooms with sitting ones. Newsflash: you can pee on a sitting toilet while standing up.

Erin Pizzey had to flee the UK because she and her family received death threats and her dog murdered all because feminists didn’t like that she discovered women were equally as violent as men.

72 Repeated point - see 1.

Also Suzanne Steinmetz and her children received death threats and bomb threats she discovered that the rate at which men were victimized by domestic violence was similar to the rate for women.

73 No proof that it was feminists.

Richard Gelles and Murray Straus have all received death threats from feminists, simply for publishing their findings (that female-to-male family violence was equal to the rate of male-to-female violence).

74 No proof that it was feminists.

75 Yep, it’s the CTS study. Debunked.

Feminists say Men can’t be raped.

Feminists defend female raping minor.

Feminist defends why fucking an 8 year old boy isn’t rape.

76-78 Repeated points - see 9, 35 and 36.

Most feminists backed studies are bullshit.

79 This doesn’t prove that “most feminist backed studies are bulshit”. All this proves is that people have forgot to actually check the BOJ statistics.

Beyond reasonable doubt doesn’t apply to rape.For men only

80 A college hearing is considered akin to a civil lawsuit, and thus it isn’t bound by the same restrictions as a penal trial. Plus, even in the rare cases where the school does take disciplinary action against a student accused of sexual assault, 75-90% of the time it’s a token punishment - if the school decides to give any punishment in the first place.

Feminist changes mind on rape culture when her son is falsely accused.

81 False rape accusations are awful. The fact that they exist doesn’t change the fact that rape culture exists, or that way more often is the accuser that gets disbelieved (including by the police), or that false rape accusations are no more common than false anything accusations.

Feminists primary aggressor clause discriminates against males.

Feminists cover up female domestic abuse stats.

Jezebel mocks men who are abused.

Feminists make sure the gov doesn’t spend money on male shelters or male research.

82-85 Repeated points - see 37, 38, 40 and 37 (again).

Feminists prevent a meeting about male suicide.

Feminists stage mock murders to scare men.

Feminist attacks male cartoonist and is hailed a hero of feminism.

Feminists shut down forum for battered husbands.

Propaganda campaign against male fathers wanting custody.

Feminists wish to slander accused names before convicted.

Try to shut down female prisons.

Create rape laws that exclude female rapists.

Make it impossible to charge women with rape.

Feminists against equal custody.

Female felons should serve home sentences.

Told judges to be lenient on women.

Feminists cover up female domestic violence.

Feminists don’t want the gov to help unemployed men.

Feminists launch campaigns to help girls only while boys are doing worse in every facet of education.

Males who were raped as a child still have to pay child support.

Women should have the right to put a child up for adoption before the father gets custody. Feminists against beyond reasonable doubt when it’s male rapists.

5 rights feminism ignores for men.

Feminists blame males for their abuse.

The primary aggressor clause where only men get charged with abuse.

Shame men into going to war.

Feminists dismiss female child rapists.

Feminists say men can’t talk about domestic abuse.

Feminists mock a man who has his dick cut off.

86-110 All these points are a repeat of links 2 through 26.

feminists attack church.

111 Repeated point - see 28.

Feminists shut down a festival about gender equality for including men.

112 That’s not what happened. What happened was that the sponsors realized that CAFE had nothing to do with equality and everything to do with MRAs and misogyny, and ran away from them.

Feminists hope MRA’s die.

113 Correction: ONE person who defines themselves as “feminist” and who doesn’t have any relevant spot in feminism whatsoever hopes that MRAs die.

Feminists against fathers day.

114 #EndFathersDay is a troll tag created by 4channers.

Feminist makes up fake assault stories.

115 Again: only 2% at best of rape accusations are false. There is no epidemic of “false rape accusations” or “made-up stories of assault”.

Female reporter bullied by feminists at the National Young Feminist Leadership Conference

116 Yes, because telling someone “Your conservative magazine isn’t welcome here” is totally bullying on par with what feminists face. </sarcasm>

The Wage Gap is a myth.

117-121 Besides the fact that the wage gap has been always correctly labeled by feminists as “How much female workers collectively make/how much male workers collectively make“, there’s some small factoids such as: women are penalized if they get pregnant more than if they take a pause from their jobs from any other reason; women are penalized if they try to negotiate their salary; there’s hiring and promoting biases; and even if we consider a man and a woman doing the exact same job/efficiency/hours worked, there’s still a 7% difference.

Women Now a Majority in American Workplaces

Labor force participation rate for men has never been lower.

122-124 How is this a problem? Feminists aren’t “stealing jobs” or “preventing men from taking jobs”.

Women in some cases make more than men.

And their husbands dont have a problem with it either.

125-134 Still doesn’t negate the existance of the gender wage gap.

Women CHOOSE to stay away from STEM field

135-138 Still doesn’t negate the existance of biases against women in STEM. (Here’s two examples.)

Did I mention that at least 50 of these links are repeats? Good fucking job, Takashi. Good fucking job.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 1x13 Chapter Thirteen

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) “And we officially find out the sex.” Unfortunately, this is one of the very few things I already know – she will be having a baby boy. I still think it’s going to be very interesting to see how the news of a baby boy is received in an all-female house. I’m positive Jane will want a baby girl.

2) Thank you, narrator, for reading my mind.

It should be noted that Petra should absolutely not trust Lachlan.

3) Rose/Sin Rostro is masterfully using her role as the oblivious widow to gather information from Michael and Nadine. At least she’s trying to defend Rafael by claiming that neither of them knew about “Emilio’s” criminal activities…

I wonder if now that we know she’s Sin Rostro we’ll see her in action or if most of her deeds will continue to be unbeknownst to us.

4) So… since he got the sack, Rogelio has been eating sandwiches and surfing the Internet. That’s exactly what I did while I was unemployed, so kudos to you, Rogelio.

5) Yes, Jane wants to have a baby girl. 

6) Oh, shit. This totally got me.

DOCTOR: This bright spot on the baby's heart is called an echogenic focus. And there's another one on the bowel. Now, I know that probably sounds scary. But let me be clear, by itself, this has no effect on the baby's health or the heart.

RAFAEL: So what's the problem with it?

DOCTOR: Well, at the moment, there is no problem. But an echogenic focus can be a marker for possible chromosomal abnormalities in the fetus. But like I said, it could also be nothing, a normal variant.

RAFAEL: And you can't tell which it is, whether it's nothing or something?

DOCTOR: Uh, not from an ultrasound, no.

RAFAEL: Jane?

JANE: Sorry. How do we find out then?

DOCTOR: We can do an amniocentesis. It's a relatively common procedure where we remove and test fetal cells. After the procedure, we'll put you on bed rest for 48 hours. And after the risk has passed, you're back to your life.

JANE: What's the risk?

DOCTOR: Miscarriage. Statistically, it occurs in about one in 300 of these procedures.

I’m guessing she won’t care whether it’s a boy or a girl after this. I also wonder if this will be another test for how strong their relationship is.

7) I knew it, Alba vieja zorra! I love it!

8) YES, YOU CAN.

9) Rogelio is kind of delusional about his status as a star and he is a total diva, so I’m kind of looking forward to seeing him get a reality check.

10) Aww, Rafael…

Gah, this kind of broke me? I’m an emotional mess right now, everything brings me to tears because I’m on my period. TMI? Sorry.

11) Woof, that whole conversation about the test and the baby among Jane, Alba, and Xiomara was some heavy shit. I really wasn’t expecting the show to get so serious so soon? They even brought up the possibility of having an abortion. And now, I’m kind of hoping she has a baby with special needs because I’m trying to think of other shows that have gone there and I’m going blank? And with so much talk about representation, that’s a minority that hardly ever is given any representation at all. They are never represented as… people, with struggles and feelings and wants and needs just like everyone else. Is it bad that I want this?

12) Milos really can’t take no for an answer, and I’m guessing all the anger management stuff is not going to hold him back for too long.

13) DON’T, JANE!

Brb, I can’t type because of aLL THE FUCKING TEARS. I think it wasn’t a good idea to watch this episode while I’m on my period. TMI? Sorry.

This is messing me up so much.

14) Oh, wow – I’m still crying btw – I know I haven’t been #teamrafael, but…

I think what he did here was absolutely wonderful. He’s freaking out as much as Jane is, he’s also haunted by all the what-ifs and he’s confused and uncertain and terrified. Yet, he doesn’t let it show. He understands precisely what Jane needs from him right now, and he fucking delivers. He’s supportive, sweet, understanding, and reassuring. And bless him for it because he’s also comforted me.

(Don’t get me wrong, I still think there’s not much substance to their relationship, but I truly appreciate the way he acted here.)

15) This kind of reminded me of Captain Holt for some reason?

This type of unexpected meltdown in front of an unwilling audience, you know?

16) Graduation ceremonies are overrated, so it shouldn’t even be a question what she should do.

17) How could Sin Rostro not know that Emilio was cheating on her?

18) She’s been wearing a wig this whole time? What for? Does the wig work like Superman’s glasses? In an “inexplicably completely make people believe this a whole different person” kind of way?

19) What is Rafael’s plan about? I have no idea, but Xiomara seems to be super sure Jane is not going to love it, and I trust her completely.

20) What a surprise, the conversation between Xiomara and Alba also got me. Alba is an old-fashioned, traditional kind of woman, so it’s understandable that she made the choice to “honor” her husband’s memory by not finding a new partner. But in spite of her traditional ways, she’s also refreshingly open-minded, especially when it comes to listening to Jane’s and Xiomara’s advice. Despite being so different, Xiomara and Alba truly respect each other and value each other’s opinion, so I think Xiomara said exactly what Alba needed to hear.

21) Jane is worried she made a mistake by having the test done, but I agree with Rafael – there really was no right or wrong decision here, it all sucked. So all they were left with was choosing what sucked less, whatever gave them as much peace of mind as possible. Jane also asks Rafael whether he would forgive her if anything went wrong, but the big question is, would Jane forgive herself? I don’t think so.

22) So, Sin Rostro is not so clever after all… she slipped up by assuring the detectives she 100% thought Emilio was at his office the night of the murder, but now Emilio’s girlfriend told them Emilio called Rose and told her he was at the boat. Can Michael really figure it all out so quickly?

23) He fucking did. I’m impressed.

24) Okay, Rafael’s plan was indeed cheesy/sweet…

25) Yep, the tears keep on coming…

Xiomara and Jane have a wonderful relationship.

26) Oh, this was savage…

LACHLAN: Yes, so here's the thing. You're not coming.

PETRA: What?

LACHLAN: You never were. And I want you out of the hotel. Good news you're already packed.

PETRA: I don't understand.

LACHLAN: Really? Because I warned you. (flashback: Karma's a bitch.) And then you screwed me over again. Are you surprised that you could be outmaneuvered? PETRA: No. I'm surprised you could be this awful.

Gotta admire his commitment to revenge, though.

27) So Rafael and Jane have decided not to find out the baby’s sex but Jane is still holding on to the fantasy that it’s a girl. That’s going to cause problems.

28) Fucking Milos bought part of the hotel? So he’s sticking around? Color me fucking surprised! He bought it for Petra? They’ll be partners?

29) rogELIO CANNOT LEAVE. I WON’T FUCKING ALLOW IT. He’s going to be forced to choose between staying with his newfound family or his career right? And he’s going to choose the former right? RIGHT?!

30) WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

Zazo is still alive?!!! HOW????? And why are he and Rafael all buddy-buddy?? OH WAIT! IT’S HIS BROTHER ISN’T IT????!!! PETRA AND RAFAEL MENTIONED HIM ONCE!!! IT COULD BE HIS TWIN BROTHER!! I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M SHOUTING!! Sorry.

31) Well, this episode was a rollercoaster. I don’t know if it’s a well-regarded episode or not, or if it was because I’m on my period (TMI? Sorry.) but it definitely made me feel lots of things! Now I can’t wait to figure out if I’m right about Zazo/Zazo’s brother!

32) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[perditaalottachocolate-blog]

Kill Gabriel!

Summary:  Gabriel’s talents and inclinations towards micromanaging the lives of people around him were old news, really. But the time has finally come when he overdid it and soon he’ll find a mob of familiar faces knocking on his door. They want his head. The rest is optional.

A birthday crack one shot for Remasa. She knows why. A huge thank you for the lovely @kellarhi​ for beta reading this! Hugs! The characters are aged-up, in case it isn’t obvious.

AO3 / fanfiction.net 

***************

Marinette stepped into the staircase, gently closed the door behind her, smacked her forehead against the wood and counted to ten. And then...

‘I’m going to kill Gabriel Agreste,’ she confessed to the doorknob. ‘He’ll regret he was ever Hawkmoth, that he ever decided to have a fashion empire, and that he designed those red pants he loves so much... because I’m gonna kick him so hard, he’s going to see all the akumas he caused on the way to hell.’

She paused at that to take a breath, turned around, and almost jumped out of her skin when she met Emilie’s surprised stare.

‘Hi, um, hi Emilie!’ she wheezed, wishing the carpet could swallow her now. ‘What brings you here?’

There was a chance, albeit small, that her boyfriend’s mother suffered from sudden hearing loss and hadn’t just heard the death threat Marinette cast in a fit of anger.

‘I was supposed to have lunch with Sabine,’ the woman replied, ‘but now I think I’d prefer to have it with you,’ she supplied carefully. ‘Was it my imagination or did you mention my husband and Hawkmoth in the same sentence?’

‘You heard that, huh,’ Marinette shuffled her feet. ‘Can you pretend you didn’t?’

A slender hand landed on the girl’s shoulder. ‘First of all, I know you well enough to see that something terrible must have happened, because you’re not a person to throw curses easily,’ Madame Agreste assured her. ‘But I’ve been hearing hints about Hawkmoth since I woke up from the coma. I’ve been reading about him too, but no one wants to tell me what  that was all about. Adrien and Gabriel go all red and change the subject. Nathalie says to check the Ladyblog, and Alya avoids me like the plague since I started asking.’

Marinette looked into sincere green eyes, so similar to Adrien’s. There had been an agreement concerning Emilie’s come back. The main point was to never mention to her, what the circumstances of her, ahem, “miraculous recovery” were. But it seemed that the moth was out of the bag.

She sighed in defeat. ‘How about that lunch?’ she offered.

She kept her big fat mouth shut the whole way to the cafeteria. When they found a table and ordered, Emilie looked at her expectantly.

‘Okay now, Marinette, tell me everything starting with the reasons for your outburst at the poor door.’

And Marinette did as she was asked. She started with the fact that as of today, she was unemployed (and possibly unemployable) in the fashion industry because a certain fashion mogul mentioned in an interview that she was his “soon to be daughter-in-law” and “practically already a member of Agreste family”. Then she moved to how he had stated, in that same interview, that: he had already made reservations for the wedding venue; how her wedding dress was coming out nicely, and that thanks to his visionary design, it would “top even royal wedding dresses”; and how the newlyweds would be happy to come back from their “already booked honeymoon” to their “renewed, comfortable and modern apartment at the Agreste Mansion”.

‘But… I don’t understand,’ a very confused Madame Agreste asked after a while. ‘I had no idea you were even engaged.’

A high pitched whine ripped from the back of Marinette’s throat. ‘We aren’t,’ she seethed.

‘Oh. Oooooh,’ Emilie gasped. ‘But what does it have to do with Hawkmoth, dear?’

Marinette took a deep breath. ‘Oh, boy, where do I begin?’

About half an hour, two coffees and quiches later, Madame Agreste rose from her seat and smashed a few bills onto the table.

‘Thank you, honey, for this little talk,’ she turned to Marinette. ‘But let’s go, I believe we have a Gabriel Agreste to kill.’

***

‘We’re going to kill Gabriel A-greste, Gabriel A-greste, Gabriel A-greste,’ Chloe sing-sung as she followed the hail cloud that went under the name of Adrien Agreste to his limo.

‘Chloe, this is not a joke!’ her friend snapped at her.

‘Who’s joking?’ she blinked at him. ‘Do you have any idea how many years I’ve been waiting for this?’

Adrien turned to her, frowning.

‘Okay,’ she amended. ‘Maybe I am joking just a tiny little bit. But I can’t even count all the times I wanted to suffocate your dear old man for how he treated you.’

‘Well then,’ Adrien muttered darkly. ‘You need to stand in line, because as his son I get a go first.’

‘Are you sure though?’ Chloe chirped sweetly. ‘It’s only a ring, after all.’

‘It’s not only a ring, Chlo!’ he finally blew up. ‘It’s a ring, a wedding venue, a honeymoon, living arrangements,’ he counted on his fingers. ‘And let’s not forget all this was mentioned in an international interview before I even got the chance to ask Marinette to be my wife!!!’

The girl winced and looked around. ‘People are staring, Adribear,’ she said conversationally.

‘I don’t care!’ he ranted. ‘I’m going to kill Gabriel Agreste,’ he announced to the accidental audience that had gathered in front of the Hôtel de Ville. Are you with me or not?’

‘Let me just get my gloves,’ Chloe grinned, cocking a hip. ‘We don’t want to leave any fingerprints, Adrihoney.’ Plus it always paid off to keep up appearances.

***

‘I’m going to kill Gabriel Agreste, if that’s okay with you, babe,’ Nino popped his head into the kitchen.

‘Sure, hon,’ Alya sipped her coffee, ‘If you need advice on hiding the body, I heard the Agreste mansion has a great repository at sub basement level.’

Nino snickered humorlessly and sagged into a chair next to her.

‘You know I support you in everything 100% and no matter what,’ the girl reached out to ruffle his hair. ‘But care to tell me where this murderous plan came from?’

‘Apparently Monsieur Agreste wasn’t sure which date to pick for Adrien’s wedding, so just in case he booked three months of my time. As a result I was dropped from Jagged’s jubilee, three large festivals and a movie project,’ Nino rubbed his eyes.

‘Adrien’s wedding?’ Alya raised her brow.

‘Ah, yes,’ he grinned at her. ‘You might want to check Fashionista’s site for their newest interview.’

She had the page loaded even before he stopped talking. ‘Why did no one tell me Adrien  proposed?!’ she exclaimed. ‘I was at Marinette’s only yesterday.’

‘That’s because Adrien hasn’t proposed,’ Nino supplied, amused with her agitation. ‘We went ring hunting, like, three days ago but found nothing he liked.’

‘And you’re saying that Gabriel’s idea cost you…’

‘... at least five gigs with great publicity and hmm… great company as well,’ he finished. ‘You know, I’m tempted to borrow Nooroo and make it look like an accident.’

Alya skipped over the interview once again. ‘Wedding dress... the rings... the venue...,’ she muttered, ‘the honeymoon, apartment at Agreste Mansion?!’ she choked on her coffee.

Nino shrugged.

‘C’mon, babe,’ she stood up and poked her finger into his back. ‘We’re leaving.’

‘Where to?’ Nino goggled at her.

‘To kill Gabriel Agreste, of course,’ Alya shot, grabbing her jacket.

***

Nathalie was having a peaceful afternoon. The rush of calls and e-mails after Gabriel’s unexpected interview for the Fashionista had finally died out and she was able to focus on her actual job. Her boss locked himself in his atelier early in the morning and stayed there, which was another bonus. She could enjoy her coffee and croissant snack and get on with her tasks for the day.

That was, until the intercom buzzed angrily.

It shouldn’t have buzzed at all. Gabriel had no appointments, Adrien minded his own schedule - coming and going as he pleased, and Emilie was supposed to get back in the evening.

It also shouldn’t have buzzed angrily. As standard equipment, it was supposed to be able to sound exactly once, and was always the same tone. So was it her imagination that the bell sounded extremely pissed?

Murrrr-derrrr, murrrr-derrrr, it rang in the empty space of her office. Nathalie looked at the screen only to discover a mob of familiar faces staring back at her. They didn’t look happy and apparently the bell shared their mood.

She punched the button to open the gate and rushed to the door.

Scowling, Emilie crossed the threshold first, with an embarrassed Marinette at her heels. Then Adrien ushered the rest of his friends inside. They all looked furious with the exception of mademoiselle Bourgeois who was apparently having the time of her life.

‘Is Gabriel in his office?’ Madame Agreste asked.

‘We’re here to kill him,’ Alya supplied as a way of explanation.

‘Just imagine the pitchforks and torches,’ Nino added gravely. ‘We didn’t have time to shop. Probably gonna use our bare hands.’

Nathalie’s gaze traveled to Chloe who shrugged.

‘Don’t look at me,’ she said. ‘I’m here for moral support and to hold their metaphorical coats. Plus I wouldn’t wanna miss it,’ she admitted.

Adrien rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, and Nino mimicked his movement. Then the assembly chose to approach the door to the atelier.

Nathalie stood in front of it and glared at them. ‘Is this about the interview?’

‘That depends,’ Emilie muttered darkly.

‘It’s not about the interview,’ Adrien sighed, ‘but the interview played a vital part in this.’

‘Now move and let us do our thing,’ Alya piped in.

‘I’m sorry but I can’t allow you to do this,’ Nathalie stated solemnly, clutching her pen like a sword.

‘Are you kidding me?’ Chloe called from the back of the mob.

The assistant took a deep breath and fixed them with a scowl so sour they stepped back.

‘If anyone is going to kill Gabriel,’ she announced, ‘it’s going to be me!’

***

Gabriel was quite content with the fruits of his labor that day. He’d advanced on a few designs that were giving him trouble, including the wedding dress. Ah, he was certain Marinette would love the final result. It would be a perfect wedding gift (one of a few actually), and worthy of a “princess” of Paris, as Adrien was calling her. He based the design on Emilie’s wedding dress, artfully connecting past and future into a stunning masterpiece, if he said so himself.

Keeping everything a secret was giving him trouble, but soon his son would finally propose — hopefully with the ring Gabriel had crafted with the young couple in mind. Then, the soon-to-be bride and groom would choose a date, and he would be able to complete preparations.

Having to do everything by himself, without even Nathalie’s assistance, had been really draining. For example— he didn’t understand half of the emails Nino’s agent sent him when he wanted to book the boy’s services for the engagement and wedding parties, and the afterparty for any remaining guests. Creating plans to refresh Adrien’s old room and adjust it to the newlyweds’ needs was another pain in his red clad ass.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. The amount of matters he had to decide upon had been making him dizzy, but he was content that he would spare Adrien and Marinette so much trouble. It was the least he could do for them after he had turned their school years into a continuous magical war. Thankfully, everyone agreed to keep that a secret from Emilie— Gabriel had no doubts she would have his hide if she ever found out.

He checked the calendar. Exactly one month from now, his interview for the Fashionista would be published. He hoped Adrien would pop the question soon enough, so that everything would be ready. He was admittedly a little bit anxious; because keeping the secret had been so difficult, he may have bragged a bit about his efforts to the journalist. But, he supposed, as long as the people involved would do what he expected before the article came out, everything would be fine.

Now it was time to call it a day and get some rest before Emilie got back for dinner. Gabriel turned off his computer and headed to the door only to be stopped by vexed voices on the other side of it. It sounded as if someone was having a hushed argument about killing someone else.

Ah well, he’d accomplished so many great things today, maybe he could perform another good deed. He definitely had a huge karma debt to pay. He opened the door and discovered an angry mob consisting of his family members and their friends, as well as his assistant.

‘Can I help… you?’ he faltered mid-question.

They glowered at him gravely, making him take a step back under the sheer force of their gaze.

‘Someone died?’ Gabriel asked, confused with their reaction.

‘Not yet!’ the Bourgeois girl chirped  from the back.

‘Not yet,’ Emilie echoed, putting her hands on her hips and quirking her brow.

Uh-oh. He was in trouble. If only he knew why.