#and theyre like hes cooler than you and im like I am fully aware thanks besties. this bro has so much lore

[the-broken-pen]

Actual quotes from session zero of my dnd campaign:

Player: "I don't want weapons, no spells, can my only thing just be 'throw hands'?"

DM: *sigh* "You just want--"

Player: "To throw hands, yes."

DM: "Alright. You're a monk now I guess"

Player 2: "FUCk. we all have loving families. god dammit." *looks at me* "Well. most of us"

Me: "yeah--"

Player 2: "Your fake mom just died by suicide"

Me: "Okay, I get it--"

Player 2: "and then you became a gladiator about it? girl--"

Me: "ok listen it was apparent suicide that means it totally could have been murder--"

Player 2: "hey dm what's the funniest dnd response I could do rn"

DM, regretting this: "Probably 'roll for insight'."

Player 2: "Hey I roll for insight."

Me: "This is why I keep taping cows to your door. I hope you know that."