#and they've told me they rarely see mine

[praisethelamps]

Do people not see my Tumblr posts ?

[the-broken-truth]

Broken-Style Remix: No Peace For A Peace God

Broken: Hello, Everyone! My friend - @anxiousnerdwritings - allowed me to make a small snippet they created about a Minor God of Peace Reader leaving the Patheon they were in to live their immortal life in the mortal world; however, coming in contact with Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman and the Amazons makes that rather difficult. Let's see how everything goes. Let the words weave together!

Note: [Name] is a Minor God of Peace in the Greek Patheon; I chose Greek because the Amazons have ties to the Greek Patheon. This one-shot will be told from a first-person perspective.

Based on my observations, it seems that people eagerly anticipate the point in their lives when they no longer have to work. They view it as a time when they can live off the money they've saved over the years or the pension they receive from the government. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would have been like if I were a human being, attending school, getting a job, starting a family, and growing old before passing away and potentially being reincarnated to start anew.

Alas, fate did not wish that kind of life for me; thus, I was given the life of an immortal, even if my former role in the patheon was not are important as others were.

I am [Name], a Minor God/Goddess and the God/Goddess of Peace in the Greek Divine Pantheon. However, I must clarify that the rightful title of Goddess of Peace belongs to Lady Eirene. Though I am a Minor God/Goddess, I possess some powers similar to Lady Eirene's, but not on the same scale as hers. I can bring about peaceful solutions amongst mortals in small groups, such as villages and some of the other minor gods who reside on Mount Olympus. Lady Eirene, on the other hand, is responsible for maintaining peaceful relations between full-blown towns and councils with Olympus' Elite Gods. Although we both perform our duties well, Lady Eirene's name is more well-known and overshadows mine. As a result, I rarely receive offerings and prayers, and although I know I shouldn't be upset about it, it sometimes hurts my feelings.

As time passed, I began observing humanity closely and grew curious about their way of life. I even found myself envious of them. I considered leaving Olympus and living my immortal life among mortals, but my duties as a divine being held me back. I thought I still had a place among the gods and goddesses of Olympus, so I stayed.

One day, Lord Zeus invited all the minor and major gods and goddesses from other realms to a party on Mount Olympus. I arrived just before the party started, but was stopped by Lord Ares and Lord Zeus before I could enter the Great Hall. They told me that I could come to the party, but I argued that I was also of divine origin and therefore should be allowed in as well. Lady Eirene appeared, sensing the tension, but instead of vouching for me as a fellow god of peace, she told me that I shouldn't consider myself a god or goddess since I rarely received any offerings or prayers. She told me to leave Mount Olympus since the night was for the "true gods". That was the last straw for me.

I told them that I would no longer listen to them and that I wouldn't be tied to them by my divine blood. I abandoned Olympus and my fellow gods and goddesses at that moment and descended to the mortal realm. From that day on, I would live the remainder of my immortal life as a mortal. I was finally free.

Although I have lived for centuries, I appear to be only 18 years old. During my long life, I have accumulated a vast collection of gems and treasures. With the aim of starting my life anew, I decided to sell a small portion of them and make a decent amount of money. I took my collection to an appraiser, who gave me a fair price. Since I didn't want to stay in Greece any longer, I used the money to purchase a ticket for the first boat out of the country.

Destination?

A place known as Gotham City.

The boat ride from Gotham was long but that gave me all the time I needed to make the proper plans I needed to start my life over: I would use my power to give myself citizenship by creating the necessary documents such as a birth certificate and social security number. Next, I would find a decent place to live before finding a job; I may have the funds I need to live on, but I still need a life for myself. I made a mental note to purchase a device known as a 'cell phone';; a passenger on the boat was watching something 'videos' on a social platform known as 'YouTube'. I was going to need this strange device and knowledge of these social media platforms if I truly wanted to be a human.

I acquired a cell phone and started searching for apartment listings in my area. I found a decent 2-bedroom unit with a bathroom, living room, dining room, kitchen, and a balcony. I contacted the realtor and he was eager to show me the apartment the same day. We agreed to meet at a local cafe that was currently hiring for a barista and baker, as it was located right down the street from the apartment. Before the realtor arrived, I managed to pick up an application from the hiring manager. We then walked to the apartment, which was rather nice with dark wooden floors in the living and dining rooms, tiled floors in the kitchen and bathroom, and carpet in the bedrooms. The rent and deposit were reasonable, and the realtor had the paperwork with him. He told me that if I signed it, I could move in the same day. I had a look at the leasing contract to ensure that there were no hidden terms, and upon finding nothing, I asked a few questions with the recording app on my phone to use as evidence in case the realtor tried anything suspicious later. After signing the paperwork, I received the keys to the apartment and mailbox. The realtor informed me that I would receive a copy of the lease in the mail, and then left me alone in my new apartment.

A week later, I returned to the cafe with the filled-out application for the barista and baker positions; after a test to prove I would be capable of handling the tasks under pressure - there wasn't really any pressure since I used my aura to keep everyone calm and acting decent and in order - I was given the job.

It would be another month when my mortal life started shifting in another direction upon meeting Bruce Wayne.

I was working the morning shift when a well-dressed male with piercing blue eyes walked into the cafe and walked over to the counter; there was no line since I already handled it an hour ago. He ordered a dark coffee and a strawberry cheesecake muffin before he took a seat in the booth; there was something about him that radiated sadness. He continued working on his laptop for about 2 hours, long since finishing his coffee and muffin; I made him another coffee, warmed up another muffin, and placed them before him, causing him to look at me with confusion in his eyes, I smiled at him.

"You seem like you are under a lot of stress, these are on the house." I said before walking away. Just then, the door burst open and 3 masked figures barged in with guns, causing everyone to scream in fear while cowering in their chairs but I refused to move from where I was standing. The leader of the group pointed his gun in my face but I looked calmly down the barrel before lifting my hand and moving the gun away before looking into his eyes - into his soul - and his secrets were revealed to me; he was doing this out of desperation.

"Do you think that she would want you to do this?" I asked, causing him to look at me confused, "I know that you are not doing this because of malice in your heart. I know that you are shaking in your soul with fear and anxiety. You want to be a good son and save the woman who gave you everything but this is not the way to do that."

"Then, what can I do? What other option do I have?" He whimpered at me. I reached into my pocket, pulled out a small ruby, and held it out to him before placing it in his palm.

"This is a Burmese Ruby. A Ruby of this size should be worth around $20,000; that should be more than enough to pay for her treatment and aid you in what else you need for a while. Please, never resort to this again; there is always a better way. Do you swear this?" I asked. He looked at the ruby, closed it in his fist, and sobbed before hugging me for a few moments and leaving with the other masked them. Everyone watched me for a while as I walked back around the counter to continue working as if nothing ever happened.

It would be about 3 days later when I received a visit from the Guardian of Gotham.

I had just arrived home after a long day at work, and the visage of a piping hot pizza filled my mind as I pulled out my phone and called my favorite pizza place and asked them to deliver my favorite [Pizza Type] pizza along with [Favorite Soda Type] soda with an [Dessert] in addition; I had some extra cash and I felt like I deserved something sweet for all my hard work. I sat down in my favorite chair and turned on my television to watch [Favorite TV Show] while waiting for my pizza. I was intuned with my show when I felt a familiar aura coming from my balcony, I looked in that direction and saw a towering figure standing on my balcony, watching me while blocking out the moonlight. I rose from my chair and walked over to the door before sliding it open and came face to face with a man in a bat suit. I looked at his face, the upper part of his face covered by his ask with a glare on his face as he looked down at me; however, his aura gave him away.

"You are aware that I don't have muffins and coffee here, right?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and a smile on my face; he looked shocked by my words and marched into the apartment, causing me to close my door and walk over to him with my arms folded, "Is there a reason you are wearing that suit and staring at me through my window, Mr. Wayne?"

"How do you know who I am?" He asked.

"Your aura gave it away - you're radiating the same sadness you were the moment we met. You can change outfits but your aura shall always remain the same.

"You can read aura? You are not human." He said.

"Nope. I'm not human, however, I do prefer to live like one; I've been living like this for the past month & a half and I prefer living to this than I did my previous life." I shrugged.

"If you aren't human, what are you exactly?" He asked.

"I'd rather not say." I heard a knock on the front door, and my mouth started watering, "Food's here! About time!" I walked to the door, greeted the delivery man, and paid for my food while giving him a generous tip before closing the door behind me with my foot since the food was in my hands; I looked around to see Burce was no longer there but I didn't care. Time to eat!

Life going forward would be difficult after meeting Burce Wayne because he didn't learn how to leave me the heck alone. He would come to the cafe and attempt to make conversation with me, trying to gain personal information about me. He would show up at my apartment as Bruce and Batman constantly trying to make me change my lifestyle to a 'healthier' one; he doesn't approve of the additional muffins I take home or the amount of frozen food I have in my freezer. Even when I am out in public, he somehow manages to find me and tries to interfere with my plans or worm his way into them. Then, he literally tried to tell me that I would be adopted into his family; no matter how many times I refused. He was really starting to get on my nerves.

It would be another month when I met another person who would attempt to uproot my life & alter it to their liking: The Man of Steel, Kal-El.

While working at a cafe, I discovered my passion for drawing, specifically digital art and animation. One day, I came across a contest on TV offering a drawing tablet as the prize and decided to enter. To my surprise, I won the contest and received the setup at my doorstep a week later. I set it up in the second room of my apartment, which I converted into an office. Initially, it took me some time to get used to the tablet, but soon I started creating digital art and animations, which I shared on my social media accounts. That was the beginning of my journey.

After accumulating a massive following on Facebook and Twitter, I received a message from an Animation Company stationed in Metropolis; they were requesting that I come in for a meeting for a possible partnership in regards to my art and animations. I agreed to their request and I received the time and date for the meeting; Metropolis was a decent distance away but I happened to have purchased a motorcycle last week and was looking forward to the meeting.

I got on my bike with my flash drives full of art and animations and headed to Metropolis for a meeting. Once I arrived at the building, I gave my name to the receptionist, who then took me to the meeting room. There, I presented my work and the representatives were thrilled with it. They offered me a generous signing bonus and commission for every artwork and animation I created for them. I agreed to do commission work as I wanted to keep my weekend job at the cafe but would work on their projects during the week. After reading and signing the business deal, I left the building. As I was leaving, I bumped into a tall man with light blue eyes, black hair, glasses, and a reporter's outfit with a camera around his neck, as well as a notepad and pen in his hands. He introduced himself as Clark Kent, a journalist and reporter for the Daily Planet of Metropolis. He wanted to interview me as the youngest person to be hired by the Animation Company. I offered to take him to lunch and give him the interview he was looking for after hearing his stomach growl.

During our conversation, he told me about his family: His wife and work partner, Lois, his son, Jon, and his younger brother, Connor; as well as his parents John and Martha Kent. I expressed how lucky he was to have such a close family since I wasn't close with my family. He seemed sad for me and offered to have me meet this family and even offered to have me take the Kent Name for myself since I didn't have a surname, but I refused his offer and went back home to start getting to work on the content my new bosses wanted me to do for completion in 2 weeks time. However, that would not be the last time I would ever see Clark Kent.

I was doing work in my office when I got a video call from Bruce, who was still pestering me to join his family and become [Name] Wayne, but I continued to refuse him when I noticed there was another request for a video call from someone I didn't recognize; curiosity got the better of me and I accepted the call - it happened to be Clark.

Clark (Smiling): Hi, [Name]! How are you doing today?!

[Name]: How did you get my contact information, Clark? I didn't give it to you the last time we talked.

Clark: I happen to have a friend who knew you and I got your contact information from him, but that's not important right now! Have you thought about what we talked about?

Bruce (In the background): You were the one who broke into my computer and stole [Name's] Contact Information, Kent?

Clark: Bruce? Is that you?

[Name] merges the call between Bruce and Clark]

Clark: Bruce, why are you talking to [Name]?

Bruce: I can ask you the same thing, Kent. I'm am trying to convince [him/her] to accept the Wayne Name.

Clark: The Wayne Name? No way that's happening! [Name] is going to become a Kent!

[Name]: I'm not taking either of your names nor am I joining your families. The Bat-Family & Super-Family have nothing to do with me and I want nothing to do with either of you. Now, I'm working, leave me alone.

[Name] Leaves The Video Call]

After that video call, it was silent for about 3 weeks, I thought the two of them got the message and decided to leave me alone; however, I couldn't be more wrong.

It was around that time a 3rd Player entered the game and I was going to have a hard time shaking this one off.

The Princess of the Amazonian Nation and Defender of Man's World: Diana of Themyscira.

It was one of my days off and I had nothing better to do, so I decided to do something I hadn't done in a long while - go flying. I waited for the sun to leave the sky and the full moon to shine, I stood on the roof of my apartment complex and made sure no one was around before I allowed my Divine Power to flow through my body and took off into the thick layers of clouds. Using the clouds as cover, even though I was almost certain no one could see me from this height, and if they happened to see me, they would have most likely mistaken me for a bird. I was enjoying myself, feeling the breeze on my face when I felt another aura quickly approaching me; I stopped flying and floated there for a while I noticed a figure approaching me and stopped a few feet away from me - A Woman.

No.

An Amazon Warrior.

"I am Diana of Themyscira - Princess of the Amazon Nation. I have served the gods faithfully and have always been able to sense when someone of divine blood was near. Imagine my surprise to find a Divine One masquerading as a human and living as one. I heard of your actions from 2 Males I have been working with to protect Man's Word; I can feel it within you - You are a God/Goddess, I can tell from your aura." Diana explained to me, I exhaled before folding my arms while looking at her.

"You are correct, I am a God/Goddess of Peace; however, I am a Minor God/Goddess. I was sick of the way I was being created on Mount Olympus and decided to leave and live as a human. I have been enjoying life as I have been now; with the exception of Bruce Wayne & Clark Kent bothering me to join their families, alas, they refuse to take no for an answer." I exhaled with a shake of my head at the thought of all of Bruce's & Clark's attempts.

"They shall not get the chance. You are of Divine Blood and you need to be treated as such. You shall come with me to Themyscira and we shall worship you as you are meant to be." Diana said.

"I'm not interested. I love being a human." I said.

"You are not human...and you shall not continue to live as one. Come with me willingly, or I shall take you by force." Diana warned.

"I said that I am not interested. Goodbye." I said. She charged at me and attempted to grab my arm but I vanished and teleported back to my living room in a flash of gold light.

I ran my hand through my hair, pulled out my phone, and requested a month's vacation from both of my jobs. Once I received confirmation on both ends, I called a friend who owns a cabin in the woods, away from Gotham & Metropolis, and asked to use it for a month. He agreed since he owed me a favor. I packed a few things such as clothes, my sketch tablet, grade & color pencils, and my wallet. I made sure my bike was locked securely and asked my neighbor, who I was on good terms with, to watch my house while I was out of the city. After receiving confirmation from her, I went back inside to grab my suitcase before teleporting to the cabin's location since I had been there before. I knew where the spare key was and went inside to get some sleep. I just wanted to relax.

Currently, I was sitting on the porch of the cabin with a cup of coffee in my hands when I felt 3 Familair Auras approaching my current location; I knew they were going to find me eventually but I was surprised it took them this long - my vacation was going to be over in 3 days; might as well deal with this now. I sipped my coffee just as a black bat-themed jet appeared over the treeline before hovering on the ground and the cockpit opened as Batman jumped out and started walking towards me as Superman and Wonder Woman landed on the low grass at the same time, glaring at each other before glaring at Bruce who was standing before me, telling me it was time for me to join his family.

Superman matched over to his dark-dressed friend and grabbed his shoulder to push him away from me while barking that I was going to go to the Kent Farm in Smallville, Kansas to live with his Pa & Ma; he already told them about me and they were looking forward to meeting me and welcoming me to the Kent Family.

Wonder Woman pushed the two men apart and roared at them that I was a God/Goddess, therefore I needed to be treated like one and not a human as I have been living for the past few months. I would go with her to the Amazon Island and be worshipped as I was meant to be; while that would have interested me in the past, I wasn't interested in it now.

As for me, I just sat there watching them before exhaling, 'Just as there are geniuses in Humanity, there are also idiots.'

[End of the Remix]

Broken: And done. What do you think, @anxiousnerdwritings?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend to get me a replacement mask?

So I and my girlfriend (both adults) are in a long-distance relationship and live on different continents but visit each other for periods of weeks to months at a time. As background context, my girlfriend is notoriously bad with money - she's owed me over $1500 for half a year now after I covered some big expenses for her when she was unable to save in time, though I've told her there's no particular deadline for giving it back and to just do it when she's able, but she's also borrowed money from her parents, she's paying off a credit card debt, and despite having a full-time job she seems completely unable to save anything substantial and is constantly buying things.

We both like a certain musician, and this shared interest in the musician is actually how we met in the first place and bonded. They've dropped some merch in the past, and it always sold out within 5-10 minutes, and they're borderline impossible to get now unless you a) are lucky enough to find another fan who's giving theirs away, which is super rare because of how hard they are to replace, or b) are willing to fork out thousands of dollars for a resold one on some dodgy site somewhere. One of the merch items I got from one of those drops was a facemask, and my girlfriend has a matching one - I can't remember if it was something I bought for her, since I did that with some merch if I got there in time, or one she bought herself. It became a huge comfort item for me - I'm both autistic and have avoidant personality disorder, so I'm almost always in some kind of mask to hide my face, and this one being connected to a special interest as well as comfortable and a perfect size (and goes with all my clothes!) made me super happy. Last time she visited, we joked around about having identical masks but that it was easy to tell which one was hers because it had makeup stains all over the inside.

As she packed to leave, I mentioned that I couldn't find my mask anywhere and asked if she'd picked mine up as well as hers by accident, so she dug through her bags and said she didn't have it, only hers. I was kinda disappointed but I figured it'd turn up sooner or later so I accepted it, and she flew back home.

A few days later, she let me know she'd unpacked and discovered she actually did have both our masks. I asked her to send it back to me, and she said she would.

Fast forward a few months, I'd asked a few more times, and she always said she would soon. Eventually, when I asked one time, she told me she'd lost it. Her mother had tidied her entire room and she no longer had any idea where either of our masks were. I was kind of frustrated so I asked why she couldn't have just sent it over when I initially asked, and she snapped back that she couldn't afford it, which doesn't make much sense to me because she definitely does have enough to send over a flat envelope, which a fabric face mask would easily fit in just like a letter.

It's been a few months since then and I've been looking and looking for any kind of replacement, but all I can find are knock-off versions that are made from different materials or don't look the same. I did see one resold for like $20 ages ago, so it definitely happens, but it's so rare.

WIBTA if I told my girlfriend I'm expecting her to replace the one she lost even if it's putting more financial pressure on her? I feel really dumb for getting so upset about a mask, but it was one of my favourite belongings and it's genuinely upsetting that it was taken and lost.

To get out ahead of any comment saying it, I have full 100% faith that she did not do it intentionally and she didn't sell it or anything like that. She wouldn't have even thought about the possibility of doing that and I absolutely believe it was an accident and she just grabbed both masks or had been holding onto mine for me and forgotten it was in a bag etc.

[blackjackkent]

Entertained myself a little, thinking about what Lae'zel's reaction would be to Minthara arriving and immediately seeming to bond with Rakha right out of the gate. (Because Lae'zel is wonderful but very young and does not, thus far, have a history of handling her relationship with Rakha very smoothly.)

-----

“Welcome, istik,” Lae'zel says warily. She stops in front of Minthara's tent and squints at the drow as if she were an interesting zoo animal. 

“Ah. Yes. The gith,” Minthara says. She was in the process of examining her boots curiously to determine how they've fared in the months since Rakha stole them off her unconscious body. Now she looks up, eyes narrowed, and then stands, lurching with military sharpness into an attentive, waiting posture. “We have not been properly introduced.”

“Lae'zel of Crèche Kliir,” Lae'zel answers, a little too quickly. “I already know your name, Minthara Baenre, for I heard you whimpering it in the prison of the Absolute.”

Minthara stiffens. “You mock me. By what cause?” she asks coldly.

“Is it mocking to recite a fact?” Lae'zel asks. She shrugs. “You are one of us now, and you will find that we all carry scars of torment. You are not special, in this regard.”

A flash of mental connection. Images whirl between them of the alien zaith'isk construct, of Lae'zel's vision whiting out with a wave of agony. Minthara's head snaps back and she blinks rapidly. “I see,” she says.

Her eyes narrow as if reappraising the younger woman. “We have shared suffering, and I sense we share ferocity as well. Yet you come here with a blade in your tone. Do you fear my betrayal? Your leader and I have sworn a bond of allyship.”

“Rakha has given you her welcome, yes.” Lae'zel smiles, an expression that shows her pointed teeth. “But you are not her ras'til, her ally, not yet. Nor mine. That is a position those at her side have earned. It is not bought with words.”

Minthara raises one eyebrow slowly, analyzing the young gith's words and the weight behind them. Then she smiles faintly. “You speak possessively. Does Rakha know of your feelings for her?” 

Lae'zel flinches. “My feelings do not concern you.”

“Then you might do well to make something subtler of them.”

Lae'zel hisses softly. “I will not be told my business by one who has not traveled with us twelve hours.”

“You spoke to me first, Lae'zel of Crèche Kliir.” Minthara squints thoughtfully. “You need not fear my competition for her affection, child. The bond we share is one of broken minds and vengeance. Why do you not turn your ire towards the boy with whom she locked lips before retiring?” She jerks her head to indicate Wyll's tent. 

Lae'zel's skin flushes a deep olive. “There is no ire,” she mutters. “Rakha made her choice and I abide by it.”

Minthara's lips twitch. “I see. In Menzoberranzan, we would rarely see a woman capable of wielding word and blade, surrendering to a male with no fight.”

“You think me a weakling?” Lae'zel growls.

Minthara laughs. “I think you a young pup who has come to show her claws and assert her place in the pecking order. I am not without admiration for you, little one, based even on the little I have seen, but I care nothing for the schoolyard quarrel you wish to pick. It is based in fear and jealousy and it fits you ill. If you wish to hate me, hate me for cause or do not waste my time.”

Lae'zel studies her for a long moment in silence. When she speaks again, her tone is more subdued - but also resonates with deeper conviction. “Break the pact you have sworn to Rakha and I will break your neck.”

Minthara smiles. “Much better said, child. And I take you at your word.”

[breakfastteatime]

When Cere sees the lightsaber atop the workbench, she finally realises who Cal is.

He's... He was Jaro Tapal's apprentice.

Thinking back, she remembers Jaro speaking of the boy with a fondness that seemed uncharacteristic of his austere manner. It was one of the brief moments in the war when she was called back to the Temple. Jaro had been there too, meeting with the Council. After his meeting, he'd stepped out of their chambers into the small waiting area where Cere sat. With so many Jedi frequently away from the Temple, catch-ups like these were rare opportunities. They'd talked about many things, and after he asked after Trilla, she asked if he had taken on a Padawan.

"The Council assigned me an apprentice not long after the outbreak of the war. He is very young." Jaro left the obvious unsaid. "Very naive, perhaps a little different to what I expected..."

"They always are," Cere opined. "They keep us on our toes."

Jaro tilted his head to one side. "Good to know. I suspect mine will be unusually challenging."

"That's why it's worth it," Cere said.

"Yes," Jaro said with a fond smile. "I believe it will be."

"It keeps us humble, raising the next generation," Cere said.

"And the Jedi could always use more humility." Jaro suddenly grew contemplative. "We are living in strange times, Cere. Dark times. We must remain steadfast in our dedication if we are to see this war through. See our children through it."

"We must trust in the Force," Cere told him.

"Yes," Jaro said, with a brief glance at the Council chamber doors behind Cere. "I feel we must trust only in the Force."

Looking away from her old friend's broken lightsaber, Cere glances over at the young man fast asleep on the engine room cot. She wonders now what Jaro had meant by 'unusually challenging'. She supposes she'll find out when he awakens. Maybe he'll tell her what happened to Jaro, although she won't push it. Cere has very low expectations when it comes to the survival of any Jedi, and Jaro was not the type to willingly abandon a child. Cal's a rarity, and a complete unknown quantity at the moment. She hopes he won't stay that way. Cere has - had - nothing but respect for Jaro Tapal, and she knows he would've trained a dutiful apprentice.

Cere steps out and heads to her cabin. Previously, she would spend time in meditation to seek guidance from the Force. Now, she picks up her hallikset. Music will soothe her soul and help her figure out a way to find some common ground with Cal. He's the only Jedi they've found, and she's going to follow Jaro's advice: trust only in the Force.

[cookinguptales]

Something I always think about a lot during disability/chronic illness/rare illness pride months is like... It is wild how often people will come up to me and want me to listen to some guilty secret they have re: disability and expect me to tell them it's okay.

Like... once I was waiting for my dad to bring the car up at the airport, and this guy approaches me and starts telling me why he'd never want to date a disabled woman. (I'm gay and completely uninterested in men, which made this whole interaction even more awkward.) And after talking about all the reasons why people like me would not make a good partner he turns those sad eyes on me like, "But that doesn't make me a bad person, does it? I'm not doing anything wrong. Like, you get it, don't you?"

You get it, don't you?

I hear that one a lot.

Like when the grad student teaching one of my classes at my university was chatting to me after class and told me that once she and her friends went to Disney World and pretended to be disabled to get onto the rides faster. I recognized the nervous laughter, the entreating look. The you get it, don't you?

I understand what these people are asking me for. They want absolution. They want this disabled person, maybe the first real disabled person they've ever talked to, to listen to their guilty secret and tell them they're okay. They're not a bad person. I don't mind. I don't judge them. I get it.

But frankly... I don't get it. These people often tell me that they've done things that make disabled people's lives actively worse. Disney has changed their policies re: disability because so many able-bodied people were abusing them. Companies and organizations walk back accommodation policies all the time because they're being abused. That grad student who pretended to be disabled actively made disabled people's lives harder.

And I don't really give a shit if one asshole dude doesn't want to date disabled women (probably better for those women, tbh) but I know how bad it feels to be ghosted on a dating app when you talk about accessibility, even when your profile is explicit about your disability. I know that I felt like I was not worth loving in spite of my disability for years because I knew that people like that guy would only see all the ways I'd slow them down.

Guys like that actively make us hate ourselves.

But like... it's wild how these people don't see how the only thing crueler than harboring these feelings and doing these things is making some random disabled person listen to their stories. My day was going great before some guy practically gave me a powerpoint about why I should never expect to have a relationship. I really enjoyed that class before I found out that my teacher had participated in the exact kind of ableist theft of accommodations that was currently making it difficult for me to get accommodations at that school.

They took this weight they were holding on their shoulders and then forced it onto mine -- and then expected me to comfort them. To tell them it was okay. To throw my fellow disabled folks under the bus.

And -- both of these times in particular, I was in situations where I was not really free to speak my mind. Alone with a big guy in a parking garage? Alone with the woman who would ultimately decide my grade for the class? The power differential there was huge. And whether they were consciously doing it or not, they were leveraging that power differential to try and force me to give them absolution.

I made noncommittal noises. Really, what else was I supposed to do? And even then, I could see the spark of disappointment and anger in their eyes. I was supposed to tell them it was okay that they'd hurt me and people like me. I was supposed to tell them they were still good.

But I didn't want to offer them absolution, and I was angry that they'd asked for it in the first place. I can't offer you forgiveness for something you know is wrong -- and that you've done nothing to fix. Moreover, I won't. You should feel bad that you hurt us. You should feel guilty. It's a shitty thing to do.

If you want to feel better about yourself, stop doing shitty things!

And I knew these people were still doing shitty things because dumping all this on me when I was just minding my own business was in and of itself a shitty thing. Trying to transfer their burden to me. Reminding me about the discrimination I have to face every day just so they could feel better. Expecting me to do emotional labor on command for strangers because it doesn't matter if I hurt so long as they feel good.

That's shitty! Don't do it! I already have to use physical crutches, don't try to turn me into an emotional one!

[redwayfarers]

ties that sever, ties that bind

Fandom: Wayfarer Ship: Intellis (implied) Characters: Cassander Inteus, Despina Helena Inteus Rating: Gen Words: 2375 Spoilers: Mild spoilers for ep2! Author's note: this is the final part of a series, though it can be read as a standalone. Read the rest over on ao3! divider credit

Find Zenaida, the agreement goes. Split up and find Zenaida. She has one of those faces you see in the crowd, full of other equally bright, decorated and artificial faces. Aeran whispered to me she seemed more honest than most, earlier, and maybe she is, on the Dareia. But here, in the crowds of nobles? She’s like everyone else. 

When you grow up around these things, it’s easy for one face to replace another. I vividly remember the few events I was invited to as a kid; I was told to not speak to people, to just nod along to whatever they’re saying and sit in the corner, a child-shaped statue. I wasn’t to embarrass the family, Aiantes said. 

So they got me all dressed up, in one of those child appropriate versions of adult serithans, and styled my hair out of the way. A curl or three would inevitably slip, even if the hands that had braided them were very skilled, and I remember Theokleia staring me down. We have the same hair, my mother and I. I knew her hair wasn’t as flawless as she’d pretended it was. 

She never forgave me for that. And for many other things, but the knowledge that the same trait that gave us both a sharp, prominent nose also gave us the same coarse curls was like a cherry on top of a cake of hatred. Her makeup was always well done, gold like her eyes. Her nails were long and pretty, painted to match her serithan. She always wore gold jewelry, rings, necklaces, earrings. 

And me? Gold dangled off of me in much the same way, mismatched and too grown up. The nails were a little too much, but I was allowed a dash of white every now and then. And so we’d pose, my mother and I, show the world my health is just fine for the moment, and I’d be carted off to a seat in the back, with my back ramrod straight, mindful for any movement, sound or word. 

Aiantes wore luxury more effortlessly than his wife. The simple styles of the Vestran elite suited him better than they did Theokleia; they made him look graceful, pristine. Yet he too was dissatisfied; he was rarely allowed to be an eyesore he wanted to be, in bright colors. Too Arathian, I heard him mumble under his breath. Too much, too foreign, too extreme. But he watched turquoise cloth with barely restrained yearning. 

And here I am, almost two decades later, in that same Arathia my father hated and envied at the same time. Mahanin Palace roars around me, proud and loud and unapologetic, and I’m walking amongst the crowds of nobles with my scars and tattoos, dressed in turquoise, with a Wayfarer pendant around my neck. The same curls Theokleia struggles to keep in line are now more defined than they've ever been and braided loosely on my shoulder. 

It’s freeing, in a way. As much as I’m filled with memories that were never mine to begin with, there’s this strange sense of exhilaration about it as well. I am not bound by the same social conventions as everyone else. My lack of magic made sure of that. Instead, I can walk around with the ink on my skin and not worry about jack shit. I can wear my hard-earned scars and not worry about how it may appear to some stuffy asshole who’s never seen any trouble in their fucking life. 

That, and I’m taller than most people I see. Aeran jokes that I’ll spot Zenaida for that alone, and that same Aeran didn’t tear his eyes off me before we joined the throng. That same Aeran kept touching my fingers ever so slightly, whose presence was the soothing balm for the weirdness that is dealing with the aristocracy like this again. 

When he’s gone, I feel plunged into deep, dark waters of my long-lost destiny or some poetic shit like that. People are watching, staring. The Cassander from years ago - the child in the corner, ramrod straight, watching like a hawk for any infraction - rears his little curly head and watches. I am not that kid anymore, I outgrew this! Yet my throat feels tight. My skin feels exposed, but I want them to look. I want their hungry stares and I want to be as unsightly as I can be, just so their worst fears can come to life. 

A Wayfarer, straight from Wayfaring Lands, in their fucking midst. An Inteus, from Vestra, the Red Wayfarer everyone kept whispering about during the civil war. A class traitor, almost. A cursed being. An eternal exile. 

Find Zenaida, the deal goes. She has to eat, probably. Off to the Pavillions, then, as one very rude servant instructed me. His eyes were trained on my pendant. “I haven’t acquired the ability to not eat and survive yet,” I breathed with equal amounts of venom. The guy just turned his back to me and left. Find Zenaida. Zenaida will eat. 

The Pavillions look like a place where people’s marriages fall apart. Nobles mingle, laugh, at ease with each other, so different from the stiffness of the parties in pre-war Vestra. Some give me strange looks - an exotic animal walks in our midst, better drop my eyeballs to the ground from how hard I stare, right? Languages mix in my ears alongside accented Arathian. These people are educated, beautiful, carefree. I could’ve been one of them, in another life. I understand every word they’re saying. 

Suddenly, Vestran hits me like a knife to the gut. I turn my head and spot them, their simple serithans, their loose hairs, their sparse jewelry. They speak with the familiar lilt of Vodena, fast and flowing like the city itself; there are harsh, slow drags of northern dialects and the absolute, nigh incomprehensible mess that falls under the way southern Vestrans speak. They didn’t speak like this when I was a kid. They spoke like the nobility of Vodena. They are relaxed now, so they’re not forcing the fucking issue.

Amongst them is a round, short woman in white. My heart clenches in my chest. She moves her hands rapidly as she speaks, revealing details of pink here and there. Her nails are flashes of dark pink. Her hair is black, wavy and glossy. 

My sister Despina has always had a huge love for pink. She was allowed to wear darker pinks, more graceful pinks, but only in bits and pieces. Pink has always been her statement color. Her serithans reminded me of Theokleia’s, merely adjusted to the body of a developing teenager; she wore the weight of them as much as I did. What a small mercy, I think bitterly, to be allowed to wear a spot of color. To be allowed to express personal preferences. 

When she turns around in my direction, I dig my heels in the ground. She looks like Aiantes, now even more so as an adult. She may have the precocious balance between a curl and a strand of hair and the golden eyes that many elves have, but she’s her father’s daughter. The way she holds herself proves it. She doesn’t let the brief shock in her eyes show but joins her fingers before her instead. She watches me, judging, in the same way Aiantes did, as if her elven eyesight allows her to pierce souls as well as darkness. 

Despina lowers one hand to rest near a plate of sliced oranges. I blink. My legs refuse to stay still and move where they’re supposed to, so I’m slowly walking towards my sister and the oranges near her hand. I vaguely remember someone telling me she used to feed me oranges when I was a baby. I don’t believe it, personally. Sounds less plausible than me suddenly getting magic. 

I reach out to take one. My heart wants to leave my body to convulse and die through my throat. Neither of us are looking away. The chatter of the Vestran delegation dies down. 

Despina moves her hand. Not fast enough, though. One touch and she’s looking away. “Red Wayfarer?” she asks softly, in Vestran. 

“Despina Helena Inteus?” I reply just as quietly, in the same Vestran as her. Mine sounds tainted with Arathian. “I have a name, you know. I am not just a Wayfarer. There’s a person somewhere as well.” 

“Cassander,” she says. She says it differently, though. Kassandros. “Why are you here, Kassandros?”

“I am Zenaida Anaxas’ bodyguard,” I reply quietly. Her eyes blaze, assessing, before she takes one orange slice and bites into it. 

“Whatever happened to Lady Markal?” 

“Dangers are many,” I say cryptically. It almost makes me laugh. And I do, only more quietly than I would’ve normally. Despina watches me, playing with the delicate silks of her serithan. 

“Lady Anaxas has always been a rather odd woman, from what I hear,” she shrugs. “I did not expect her to hire a magianis bodyguard, though.” A pause. “I thought you had died, Wayfarer Inteus.”

She speaks so evenly, so formally, her words accented so precisely I could’ve been reading a grammar. Nobody speaks like that. Aiantes didn’t speak like that, Theokleia didn’t either - not when the eyes of the world were away, at the very least.  She’s barely blinking, her body is tense. What is she afraid of? 

“Fortunately for all of us, I am here to entertain yet again,” I say, more harshly than I intended. “Cockroaches are hard to kill.” 

“I do not find your existence entertaining,” Despina says. 

“Not even when I was a kid? Not even before you knew I was a magianis, not even when you supposedly fed me these fucking things? Do sisters not play with their brothers?” There, an accusation, right at her feet, because otherwise we’d be here talking in circles forever. Her tone does not allow for any acceleration, but for fuck’s sake, mine will. 

Despina purses her lips. Wind blows her hair to and fro, light and breezy, but the way her back straightens is anything but. She is now the ramrod straight, cornered child. Part of me feels horrified. Part of me wants to push, to prod, to ask all the questions that have been on my mind for decades. Where were you when I needed you? Where were you, o’ older sister, where were you when our own mother slapped me across the face and watched me beg and cry on the ground? Where were you when she threw all her rage on me, like a bag nobody wants, where were you? 

Oh right! By her side, laughing, watching, throwing insults as well, immaculate, coward, fucking weak! Anger boils in my very being. The oranges stare at us as a stark reminder of what we had, before nature fucked up. 

“Officially,” she starts cautiously, “that did not happen.”

“Officially? And that never lies!” 

“Truthfully,” she says, as if I never responded, “the line was drawn and I had to choose. So I made a choice.” 

Anger dissipates. She’s the first to acknowledge what’s happened - my parents refused, Aftonio had no idea, Nikias rejected the concept altogether - but Despina.. Said it. Here, in the same empire that loomed over our heads when we were kids, like a demanding mother. Theokleia isn’t here to judge us, though. She is away, she’s somewhere else. 

And in her wake she leaves her eldest children to admit to ancient wrongs. And do what with that exactly? What will I gain by confirmation? What happened can’t be undone. They took my peace years ago. What will I gain by this? It lingers in the air, a dagger to cut the knots of anger and shame or slit your own throat. 

“Do you even care what my opinion of that choice is?” I whisper bitterly. “Not like it’ll change shit.” 

“Not like it’ll change shit,” she echoes, now in a more normal, less proper accent. “I simply felt like you should know. Do with that what you will.”

I eat an orange. It is juicy, sweet and tastes entirely too much like ashes. “I am here on a job, Despina,” I say hoarsely. My eyes are weirdly dry. Maybe my heart soaked all the tears. “Tell me one more thing before I leave - are my orange groves safe and sound?” 

I used to escape there when life as an Inteus became too much. Too bad I didn’t chase that label away when I could, at inauguration. I loved those groves. There were no orange groves at the Spire to escape to, when life as a Wayfarer became too much at times. It’s the only thing I think of fondly when I think of that fucking estate. 

“They are,” she says softly, like a goodbye. I take a look at her one last time - her shiny waves, her made up, long eyelashes, her thinly lined, golden eyes, the curves of her shoulder and belly in her serithan, the dusk of her skin in firelight - and I feel my eyes prickling. 

“Thank you,” I whisper at the oranges. “I hope you treat your heirs better than our mother did hers.” 

We exchange glances one more time, for a mere moment a brother and sister again, and she turns to the rest of the delegation like nothing happened. And me? Rasimira’s talking to a group of nobles. They’re pestering the poor steward about something. There’s no sign of Zenaida, but maybe Rasimira knows where she is. 

My heart feels like a soggy cloth, but I am here on a job. I am a professional. Nothing else matters. Still, part of me hopes that Despina’s children don’t face the horrors I have. Part of me hopes one of them is magianis, so at least a part of me lives in that family. Maybe I will see them in a few decades or so. 

And maybe we can all sit around our parents’ graves and discuss what they’d done to us all. Maybe then we can bury our hatchets, or raise new ones, of our own make. A Wayfarer, Lady Inteus, a Guild mage, and whatever the fuck Nikias ends up as. 

I have a job to do. 

[twoidiotwriters1]

The Curse of Oenone (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: New year new book! Welcome back -Danny Words: 2,342 Series' Masterlist Previous Book // Next Chapter Listen to: 'How Far We've Come' -by Matchbox Twenty

I: No Thoughts, Head Empty

Nothing prepares you to be a leader. You can be born as one, or climb your way up, but you rarely fall flat on the spot. You don't want that to be your case, but it is mine.

I'm not the only one with a new job, Rachel Dare got a job as our new oracle. Apollo's there and everything, he even talks to me and says the next solstice is going to be fun now that I'll be there to report how I'm handling everything in the mortal world.

When Rachel gives us the next big prophecy, Chiron offers her a room in the Big House until they figure out where to put her. Then he turns to me. "Our Daughter of Olympus," he states gravely. "Let's talk."

Percy steps forward. "Chiron, she's my little sister. What is—?"

"I'm not little," I interrupt him. "I can look after myself."

"What?" He scowls. "That's not what I'm saying, Ara, you're too young to be a General."

I'm the same age he was when we explored the labyrinth and no one told him he was too young to do that! I was twelve myself, I'm experienced enough to do whatever I want.

Chiron gives Percy a look. "Ara is our General, Percy. If she's willing, you may ask her what her new rank entails, after we're done talking."

Never before had I been above Percy, I'm usually the one pushed out of the room. Things are about to be very different from what we're both used to.

Ara wakes up to people arguing on deck and she just had the worst talk of her life with Aphrodite. She has no time to process any of this, so she leaves her cabin and goes to the deck to see what's the commotion.

"Impossible!" Someone's yelling."Lay down your weapons and surrender! Leave my city immediately!"

"Which is it?" Leo taunts the stranger. "Surrender, or leave?"

"Both! Surrender, then leave. I am slapping your face for asking such a stupid question, you ridiculous boy! Do you feel that?"

"Wow," the boy continues. "You're wound up pretty tight. You got any gears in there that need loosening? I could take a look." Someone gets hit and Leo hisses. 

Ara walks into the scene, still too drowsy to understand. "What's going on?"

Annabeth turns to her. "Strategus, this is the guardian of New Rome."

When her friend moves to the side, Ara realizes they've been talking to a statue. She has 1.5 seconds to accept this and nods at the bust. "You must be Terminus. I'm—"

"The Praetor's little sister," the statue isn't as rude when he talks to her. "The daughter of Olympus."

Ara frowns. "Did you just call my brother a Praetor?"

"Leo, stop the ship," Annabeth orders unexpectedly.

"What?"

She's looking over the railing. "You heard me. Keep us right where we are." 

Leo looks at Ara for permission and she nods. They stop midway down, and Annabeth turns to the statue. 

"Terminus, there's no rule against hovering over New Rome, is there?"

"Well, no..."

"We can keep the ship aloft," Annabeth explains. "We'll use a rope ladder to reach the forum. That way, the ship won't be on Roman soil. Not technically."

"Okay," Ara pipes in. "That's a safe middle ground for all of us. Terminus?"

"I like technicalities," he hums. "Still..."

"All our weapons will stay aboard the ship," Annabeth continues. "I assume the Romans—even those reinforcements marching toward us—will also have to honor your rules inside the Pomerian Line if you tell them to?"

"Of course! Do I look like I tolerate rule breakers?"

"Uh, girls..." Leo wavers. "You sure this is a good idea?"

Annabeth's face is telling her that no, she doesn't think this is a good idea and probably the rest can tell that too, so Ara steps in. 

"If anything happens, we'll handle it like civilized people—and god."

"I suppose," the statue raises a brow. "For now. You may climb down your ladder to New Rome, Strategus. Please try not to destroy my town."

"Wouldn't dream of it," she places her compass on the god's platter.

Chiron guides me across the strawberry fields. Lily and Nico follow us from a distance. 

"Are they you're official guard?" The centaur asks bemusedly.

"Lily's my second in command. Nico is just following Lily, but he doesn't support my decision, not entirely."

Chiron glances at them and then eyes me with uncertainty. "You're the first child of Olympus in this camp, I don't know what kind of responsibilities you'll have here, but I know what must be done at once."

"I'm listening."

"You'll remove your stuff from Cabin Ten and take them to the Big House before dinner."

"Oh. That means I won't eat with my siblings either?"

"You're the caretaker of camp now," he explains. "You'll sit with Mr. D and I."

"But I... I was supposed to be Cabin Ten's counselor," I continue hesitantly. "What about that?"

"The position goes to the person next in line. You're the caretaker of all the campers," he repeats patiently.

"What about my lessons? And the chores?"

"At the risk of hurting your friends' feelings," he makes a face, "that's beneath you. Now you watch over the barriers, the campers, and our oracle. That, and any quest the gods may give you. Could be a trip to pick up Zeus's suits from the dry cleaner, could be leading a war."

"But I'll still live with Percy and my parents, right?"

"If you want," he looks at me. "But it's not ideal, Ara."

I glance back at Lily, it'd be fun to be with her, but I would miss Percy and my parents. "I think I'll try New York if it's all the same to you."

"It's not. You're a priority, and must train twice as hard as everyone else."

"I already do that..." I mumble.

"What your friends taught you makes you a skillful demigod, but they didn't prepare you for bigger threats. That's my job."

I'm not going to contradict Chiron, he knows better than me. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Are you happy for me?" I shake my head. "No, scratch that, I know you're not. What I mean is... there's gotta be an upside to this, right?"

He ponders my question, circling back to the Big House. "What do you expect to get?"

"Nothing," I reply. "I'm half-hoping my friends will be left alone, that's it."

"What about you?"

I smile. "I'm just getting started."

"You might get tired faster this way."

"There's only one way to find out," I shrug. "When I was little, I didn't know what to do with my time, but I always enjoyed helping my friends. I think it's my calling."

Chiron looks at me funny when I say that, but he doesn't question me. Lily and Nico are waiting for me near the end of the fields, and the centaur stops right before we reach them.

"Meet me at Apollo's cabin after you move. They'll need your help there, some of our campers will arrive in shrouds."

I get an unpleasant feeling at the thought, but being a General means I have to look after my army... and give them a proper farewell too.

Ara's wearing her cloak, and before leaving the ship she glimpsed into her dino bag and found her laurel crown in there. Lily must've packed it for her, but she doesn't know if it was to upset her or not. Ara has opted to hang it on her belt. She'd feel stupid wearing it, like a kid showing off, although she's feeling like a freak either way. 

The Roman crowd points fingers and whispers when she walks past them. The statue mentioned Percy was a praetor now, if her brother's in charge, maybe they're looking forward to meeting her...

When she reaches the end of the road, she spots a girl with a purple cape just like hers. Ara's not impressed by the stranger, but surprised, because she recognizes her. 

"It's you!"

Reyna's brows knit together. "Do I know you?"

Ara chuckles. "It's okay if you don't remember me," she offers to shake the praetor's hand. "You taught me how to do boxer braids!"

Reyna steps back, eyes widening. "You? But... Percy said you're his sister!" The girl exclaims, now with a bit of outrage. "You told me you didn't have a family!"

"Percy's mom adopted me the summer I met you," Ara grins.

"You've changed," Reyna's in distress, but Ara doesn't have time to ask why, because Percy decides to show up then.

He's acting like this is a party and he just happened to get there earlier than them. Ara's insides decompress when she sees him, but she barely manages to open her mouth when Annabeth rushes past and kisses him in front of everyone.

Ara diverts her gaze when the scarlet flash goes off. Without warning, Annabeth throws Percy to the ground and whispers something through gritted teeth. Percy laughs while Annabeth is still choking him.

"That's normal," Ara informs Reyna with a smile, "don't worry, Annabeth won't attack anyone else."

Jason clears his throat. "It's good to be back." He introduces everyone but leaves Ara to the very end. "This is our Strategus, Ara Jackson. I think you know her?"

"The daughter of Olympus," Reyna eyes her, serious and calculating. "The leader of all mortal armies."

Ara fixes her posture to look confident and excited. "Yes. I'm here to be your Praetor adjacent."

The people around them make noises of contempt that both, Reyna and Ara ignore. Reyna holds out her hand, and Ara shakes it. 

"Welcome to New Rome, General. Centurions!" The girl raises her voice. "Tell the legion to stand down. Dakota, alert the spirits in the kitchen. Tell them to prepare a welcome feast. And, Octavian—"

"You're letting these intruders into the camp?" A boy that looks like a terminally-ill version of Luke interrupts her. "Reyna, the security risks—"

"We're not taking them to the camp, Octavian," Reyna drops Ara's hand, but the girl still senses a wave of dislike from her as she talks to Octavian. "We'll eat here, in the forum."

"Oh, much better," he replies sarcastically. "You want us to relax in the shadow of their warship."

"Our warship is as harmless..." Ara glances at the plushies hanging from his belt. "As a teddy bear, if it's left alone. The ship was made to protect us from the threats outside your borders, that's all."

"These are our guests." Reyna nods in agreement. "We will welcome them, and we will talk to them. As Augur, you should burn an offering to thank the gods for bringing Jason back to us safely and for bringing a child of Olympus to make us stronger."

"Good idea," Percy adds. "Go burn your bears, Octavian."

Reyna gestures at the blond guy before walking away. "You have my orders. Go."

The girl starts to walk in the direction of a building, but Ara stays behind and approaches her brother and Annabeth. As the crowd disperses, Percy holds Annabeth's hand and squeezes it.

"Don't worry about Octavian. Most of the Romans are good people—like Frank and Hazel here, and Reyna. We'll be fine."

Ara looks at the kids Percy is pointing at: they're the demigods of her dreams. She steps forward, the speech she's rehearsed about a thousand times spilling out faster than she can make sense of it. 

"Percy, it's been so long, and I know—"

The boy pulls Ara in a bear hug. He's taller and stronger than he used to be, his skin looks darker thanks to the weeks spent under the sun, and his hair is longer as well, it's like a whole cooler version of Percy, which makes her feel a bit of a dork. 

He kisses the top of her head. "You got bangs now! They make you look like a middle schooler, that's funny."

Ara's a little annoyed that he's talking and treating her this way in front of others. "Yeah..." 

She holds him by the shoulders to take a proper look. Ara spots the SPQR tattoo on his forearm, identical to Jason's except for the trident. She can't help feeling the Romans marked him like cattle, and she dislikes that, so she focuses on the purple cloak around his shoulders instead.

"Praetor?" Ara raises a brow. "You just can't let me have one thing..."

He laughs. "I'm sorry, Birdy. I tried to suck, but they loved me right away."

Ara's been called Birdy all this time, but it was Percy who came up with the nickname in the first place, so hearing it from him hits differently after all these months of not hearing his voice. The girl cups his face and beams. "I missed you tons, you jerk."

Percy playfully flicks her nose and then goes back to Annabeth, holding her hand as he starts walking. "C'mon, I wanna show you around..."

Ara sees them holding hands while glowing scarlet and remembers they're not done with the introductions yet. "Wait! There's someone I want you to meet—"

"Later," he says distractedly. "Come, they've got an elephant and—"

"Percy," she presses. "This can't wait."

Her brother seems a little confused but smiles anyway. "Alright. Who is it?"

Ara looks over her shoulder and smiles at Leo a few feet away, he'd stayed behind waiting for her. She encourages him to approach, and when he does, she holds his hand. "Leo, this is my brother Percy. Percy, this is Leo Valdez, my boyfriend."

Percy's smile fades, and so does the joy in his eyes.

"Hi, man!" Leo grins, which only makes him look even more dangerous from Percy's point of view. He reminds him of the Stolls. "Ara was worried sick about you for months, I'm glad you're okay."

The older boy stares at Leo, which is not great because he doesn't have a gentle gaze. He looks downright murderous, and Leo tries very hard to act like he isn't scared shitless.

"Boyfriend?" Percy turns to Annabeth, his voice full of concern.

Annabeth holds back a smile. "I'll explain. Ara, you two go ahead, Reyna's waiting for you."

Ara doesn't argue, now that the worst has passed she wants some alone time with Leo to tell him about what Aphrodite told her.

She looks at her brother with what she hopes is a confident smile. "I'm really happy you're back, Nemo."

Something about the way he keeps looking at Leo makes Ara feel like he knows something she doesn't. Right now, however, she's got more important things to figure out.

Next Chapter ->

Taglist.

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[magpie-murder]

Someone beat me to your inbox asking about the "on her period" comment, lol! But I read that and started raging inside too. It sounds right on par with everything else they've said and done to Loki on this show. I didn't watch it but a friend of mine bit the bullet and watched it for both of us, and this is what she told me about his characterization:

They completely "feminized" him, in the way that he was very soft, his emotions were always completely exposed and constantly pouring out for everyone to see, he was constantly in tears and at times nearly hysterical. As for Sylvie, she told me she just was very blank and very stoic. It just proves to me that they're still stereotyping both men and women, but reserving it, making women more masculine, aka more "respectable", and throwing the "hysterical feminine mess" stereotype on the men. And to do this to Loki, who is genderfluid and who was an outcast among his people for pursuing magic instead of battle, it all just seems so...wrong.

it always reminds me of Alien, and how ripley was originally written as a man. how when it came out, everyone was like "wow!! how did you write such a believable female character??" and the answer was just "it was easy because men and women are the same and we wrote her the same way we'd write a man" and everyone went "wow! fascinating!" and then proceeded to ignore that for years.

i think it makes sense for sylvie to be very stoic, even though i feel that she never came across quite as traumatized as i feel that she should have given her backstory. (was her nexus event ever explained btw? wasn't that a huge mystery at the end of season 1?)

but LOKI is straight out of 2012, and he's always been kind of known as a very guarded character, and he's controlled by his emotions yes but he is RARELY honest about them. so for fresh out of 2012 loki to be written as a very bleeding heart character is. strange, to me

[bombcollar]

I was tagged by @go-go-devil!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I currently have 151.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

327,526

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently the most recent fics I wrote have been for Cadence of Hyrule but I've also recently written for Iconoclasts and Pokemon.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Ferris Wheel (Bugsnax, Snorplo) - 248

Gemini (Bugsnax, body horror) - 169

Imitation Beef (Bugsnax, continuation of a canon scene) - 165

Imago (Elden Ring, Miquella wakes up as a big bug) - 154

Field Notes (Bugsnax, AU, cosmic horror) - 148

5. Do you respond to comments?

I always try to, even if it's just to say thanks.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh god probably one of my bugsnax fics... bugsnax really was ripe for angst. Both One Last Dance and Weary end in the implication that everybody has succumbed to the snax. I tend to leave things on more ambiguous notes than angsty, so even if the characters are in a sad or desperate situation it's uncertain what's going to happen to them next.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Sleep is Dark Souls III fic that implies the age of dark is actually a good thing and Lorian and Lothric survive to see it after all they've been through. I know I have written other happy things but this one is very hopeful.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a couple shitty comments or ones where I was just like, I have no idea what you're trying to communicate to me, but they're extremely rare and I just delete them if I do get them.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

I do not write smut. Just not my thing.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

Not often, I have a few Fromsoft crossovers but I did write a Bugsnax/Nier Automata fic that never got finished. That's Between My Teeth.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, quite a few. Ao3 user Dashana in particular has translated a number of my Iconoclasts fics to Russian. I will probably never say no to having a fic translated if it helps it reach a larger audience, especially because I tend to pick niche fandoms or subjects.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have, with @malicious-fisheeves and with @wheeled-jack as well as some other friends who don't really use tumblr.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I really don't feel that strongly about ships much of the time but I do really like Wally/May from Pokemon RSE/ORAS and Gwyndolin/Darkmoon Knightess from Dark Souls.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ugh I have this Mochi Mayhem rewrite thing in the works but I just can't seem to make any progress on it. I may put it out there unfinished but the problem is I have a big chunk of the beginning done and then a scene at the very end and nothing in the middle lmao.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm really good at building dread. I personally think I'm good at writing platonic and familial character relationships, and writing characters who might be antagonists but who are complex and sympathetic.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have some trouble when it comes to writing incidental side characters that might serve a purpose for one scene but aren't really that important.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I really enjoy writing dialogue, it's one of my favorite parts of the process.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I wrote a Rayman 3 fic about some OCs of mine probably back in 2003 or something. It was about these griffin-like creatures that had the powerups tested on them and it fucked them up because they were flesh and blood rather than made of cloth like the Hoodlum enemies are. They were trying to escape the facility they were kept in. Unfortunately I do not think it's still posted on my old ff.net account so it may be lost media.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I'll always be extremely proud of Monarch Sunrise (the bugsnax timeskip cruise fic) for the sheer scale of it (as far as my fics go) and for all the help I had plotting and editing it.

This is a tough question to answer though because I'm really happy with many of them. I'd say my favorite thing I've written lately is Lyre Lyre, my Octavo backstory fic, because I think it does a good job of laying out his situation in a concise and entertaining manner, like he's telling this story to a crowd.

as for tagging folks uhhh how about @wheeled-jack @mumagi @disco-descent

[enha-hype]

maeumi & me - ch 21 : something love

a/n : this chapter alternates between written parts and tweets/texts so be sure to read them in order!

w.c. : around 1.5k

Even though Jungwon brushed off Jake's concerns, the truth is that the pain is starting to really bother him now. But he doesn't want to trouble anyone and besides, it isn't so bad that it's unbearable, so he decides to just put up with it until the morning when he could go buy himself some pain relievers. The late nights and work stress must be getting to him. He presses his fingers to his temples, massaging himself, which helps a little. He puts on some light music and leans back against the couch, closing his eyes and hoping to maybe fall asleep, but to no avail. It's partly because of the pain and partly because his mind is still buzzing with the image of you from earlier in the evening – the way your eyes lit up upon seeing him, your wide grin that made his heart skip a beat, the way you complained that you had missed him in an almost accusatory tone like you somehow knew he'd been avoiding you on purpose...

His thoughts are interrupted by Maeumi licking his ankle. Smiling, he bends down to scratch his ears. “Oh hi Maeumi, what's this you've got here?”

You don't know why, but you find it hard to not smile every time your phone pings with a text message from Jungwon. Especially since they've been a rare occurrence these past few days.

Won : Why is Maeumi suddenly so determined on bringing me every sock he can find?

You chuckle, thinking about all the times Maeumi's done that with you as well, ever so diligently. And then you remember why he does it and frown.

You : He used to do it with me whenever I was sick or upset about something.... Are you okay, Won?

Won : Ahhh

A couple of minutes pass and there's no other reply.

You : Won???

Won : Hi sorry. Um, would you believe me if I told you that I'm completely fine and he just started doing it out of nowhere?

Nonetheless, that is so freaking sweet 😩 I feel all warm knowing he cares about me enough to want me to feel better (even though I'm fine, really). I thought I was just some dude he liked hanging out with but he's truly accepted me 🥹

You : 1) Nope I don't believe you one bit

2) I think he accepted you long back when he marked his territory by peeing on your carpet

He chuckles, absentmindedly massaging his throbbing forehead. The light from the phone screen makes it worse but he wants to talk to you.

Won : Damn Y/n, you didn't even hesitate 💀 So it's his bark word over mine huh? 😔

And lmao yayy me

You : In certain matters I trust Maeumi more and it's not surprising as to why – you were lying, weren't you?

Won : Okay yeah but it's just a little headache so I was practically right

Ugh, how did it not strike you earlier? You were so happy to see him that you didn't even pause to question why he was home on a weekday. Or how tired he had looked.

You : Is it bad? Did you try taking any painkillers?

Won : Nahh, it's nothing really. And no, I ran out of Ibuprofen like a month ago and forgot to restock lol. But it's fine like I said, I can hardly feel it.

You : You want me to believe that you took a day off over nothing? Really Won?? Fine have you had your dinner at least?

Won : Umm I'm not really hungry rn

You : It's pretty late, you should still eat something

Won : I'll feel nauseous if I eat

You : Alright that's it

When you didn't say anything else after that last message, Jungwon just assumed you had gotten tired of trying to be helpful while he dismissed all your questions, and had gone on to do other work that was actually important. The last thing he expected was for you to show up at his door.

And yet here you are, less than 10 minutes later. Jungwon stands in the doorway gaping at you. You wait for a while, and when it doesn't seem like he's going to unfreeze anytime soon you decide to just let yourself in.

It's impossible not to smile when you hear the tap tap tap of Maeumi's paws hitting the floor as he comes running to greet you, wagging his fluffy little tail excitedly. “Hi babieee!” You crouch down to pet him and let him lick you to his heart's content, because God knows he's not gonna calm down until you give him the attention he needs.

You sneak a glance at Jungwon and gosh, there's that confused bunny face again. It's so insanely cute you want to walk over to him and squish his cheeks. Your cheeks turn red at the thought, and you immediately brush it away. Straightening up, you head to the kitchen. You fill a glass with water and walk back to Jungwon, handing it to him along with the Ibuprofen you'd brought with you.

“I've ordered Jjajangmyeon for the both of us, it'll be here in ten,” you announce as you turn towards the kitchen again, with both Jungwon and Maeumi trailing behind this time.

“Wha– what are you doing?”

You fill the kettle with water halfway through. “Making chamomile tea. It helps with headaches,”

“You came all the way here at 10.30 pm for this when you have an assignment due tomorrow???” His eyes are wide with incredulity.

Seriously? He's not well and your stupid assignment is what he's worried about? “The assignment can wait. You clearly don't know how to take care of yourself because at this rate you'll only end up making the pain much worse,”

“I can take care of myself just fine! I am fine!!” he protests, trying to take the kettle from you.

“Sure, you look it Won. Those dark circles and your ghastly pale complexion are truly the epitome of pink health,” you retort and he sulks. You have to resist the urge to smile because God, why is he so adorable? “Now come here,” you grab him by his arm and drag him back to the living room. The contact makes his skin tingle, and he tries not to give it too much thought. “No moving from here until I say so,” you sit him down on the couch and head back to get the tea ready, ignoring his whines of protest.

After dinner, he assures you that he’s feeling better already. He tells you he’ll be fine if you leave, and he's so convincing you almost believe him. That is, until he goes to fetch your bag and stumbles and almost falls flat on his face. Needless to say there was no getting you to leave after that. Jungwon wasn't too happy about it but he sure wasn't upset either.

Fortunately, you had brought your laptop with you, predicting that you might end up staying over. You look at the time – it's just a little over 11, which is not too late, at least not by your standards. If you stay up for an hour or two, you should be able to finish the assignment. You honestly don't mind - you're just happy you were able to help Jungwon in some way. And selfishly, you kind of like that you get to spend time with him at least this way, especially after not seeing him for so long. Well, it felt long anyway.

* * *

“No offense, but I’m really more of a coffee person,” Jungwon says, scrutinizing the beverage in the cup he’s holding.

You sit on the opposite end of the table, your gaze stern. “I don’t care. You’re drinking it.”

He sighs and takes a tentative sip. Scrunches up his face. “Nope, definitely not my cup of tea,” he confirms, and then laughs at his own unintended pun.

You have to suppress a laugh of your own but don't let it show. “Plug your nose if you have to. Finish it.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re no fun,” he mumbles but does as he’s told.

* * *

After a lot of fussing and arguing, Jungwon finally concedes to letting you sleep on the couch. There's no way you would have him sleep anywhere but on his own bed, where he would be most comfortable, especially when he's not feeling his best. Besides, you remind him, you need to stay up late to finish your work, and the couch would be more practical. He starts apologising again for inconveniencing you, and you threaten to make him drink more chamomile tea which effectively shuts him up.

So it's no wonder that when he's all settled in bed and turned off the lights, he's a little surprised to see your silhouette walk in. He watches curiously as you pull up a chair next to his bed and take a seat.

“Where exactly does it hurt?” you ask.

He frowns, touching his forehead. “What are you– holy crap that feels good...”

You chuckle, relieved that he can't see or feel the way you hands are slightly trembling from nervousness. The side of your palm brushes against his warm forehead as you gently press the ice pack onto it – you had brought that along with the tea packet and the pills. You hadn't thought much of it before, but now that you're actually here doing it, it suddenly feels so intimate. But weirdly, it feels natural too. You brush some of his hair out of the way so you can cover all the spots - temple, forehead, temple. You alternate between the three, a comfortable silence settling over the two of you.

“I can do it myself you know,” he says quietly.

“I know. I also know that it feels better when someone else does it for you.” You're glad you waited until he turned the lights off to do this, because you get the feeling you would've been a blushing mess otherwise.

Jungwon is glad too, not just because the darkness helps alleviate the pain, but also because for some reason his eyes have gotten a little misty now, and he's glad you can't see it.

“Thank you,” he sighs, his pain and consciousness drifting away soon after.

prev | masterlist | next

[gaylanrivens]

Would love to hear the director’s commentary on this excerpt from “sent you a bag of candy dicks:”

"Have you told your mom?"

"About my fear of spiders? I think she knows." It's Tim's turn to level her with a look. She sighs. "No. I don't know how I'm gonna tell her. She really liked Joe."

"Well, I'm here for you or whatever."

"Thanks." Rachel says dryly and Tim grins at her.

Both their attention is pulled to the window when a car speeds by playing music too loud to be distinguished.

Tim glances at his watch and sighs.

"We gotta be at the office soon."

Rachel groans and waves down their waitress.

It's a rare tender moment when they part, to go cups of shitty diner coffee in hand. Tim walks with Rachel to her car and she pulls him into a hug.

"Thanks for meeting me here. I appreciate it." She says.

"Of course." He says, rubbing her back before pulling away. "And I do mean it, I'm here for you. You're my best friend, you know that?" He'll blame the sincerity on the late hour.

"I know. And you're mine." She nods and then she's opening the driver's door and climbing in. "See you at the office."

Tim watches her drive off with a wave before walking to his truck. There's a lot of things he likes about his job but the fact it's brought him Rachel might be his favorite.

Aaah thank you justie!

This was a fun one to write bc I really lobe the idea of Rachel tim wlw mlm solidarity bestieism a lot

A fun little bts fast is the reason it jumps from topic to topic a lot is i could not figure out how to segue any of them together ❤ but I felt like it was still fitting bc tbis is a late night conversation between a person who has just woken up from an intense nightmare and someone who probably never went to sleep in the first place.

Something I think is important in depicting their friendship is they definitely both strike me as people allergic to sincerity under normal circumstances. And even now tim can't go full sincerity.

This is also a fic where I tried to lean more into atmosphere hence the car outside.

This is for sure the first time they've hugged. Second at the most. Just like with the sincerity they aren't touchy feely. I think even casual touch isn't something they do a lot of.

It being late at night with little to no sleep under their belts really is the only way they would say that to each other.

And also the way tim feels the need to reiterate without his veneer of sarcasm and aloofness that he's there for Rachel. To tell her she's his best friend. That was definitely hard for him to say so straightforward.

And same for Rachel! She does not stick around lmao

They definitely have a deep heartfelt friendship they just would rather shoot themselves or each other before admitting it in the light of day. But in the middle of the night all bets are off babyyyyyyy

I really do want to continue this verse in the future I really love their dynamic

[onlylivingboyinsanmyshuno]

Date: May 29, 1913

Today marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life—a chapter I've been eagerly awaiting. As I stood at the altar of St. Agnes, I couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. All the hard work, the late nights at the firm, the calculated moves; they've all led to this moment.

Daphne looked radiant, a vision in white as she walked down the aisle. Her eyes met mine, and for a moment, the world around us faded away. It was just her and me, united in our ambitions, our dreams, and now, in matrimony.

My family was there, their faces glowing with pride and happiness. Father, despite our differences, seemed genuinely happy for me. Verity was practically glowing, her eyes misty. It was a rare moment of complete family unity, one I'll cherish. I only wish Mother could have been here to see it.

Daphne's family was equally supportive. Howard, her father, gave me a firm handshake and a nod, as if to say, "Take care of her." I intend to, but not just in the way he imagines. Together, Daphne and I will build something greater than either of our families have ever known.

Mr. Carmichael was kind enough to officiate the ceremony, and as we left the church, he pulled me aside and told me upon my return from our honeymoon that we would have an important matter to discuss in the office. The look in his eyes told me it was something major, more than a matter of paperwork. A cryptic, but also a bit frightening note to start my new life on.

As we exchanged vows and rings, I felt a sense of finality, but also a thrill for what's to come. Our future children, our growing influence, our legacy—it all starts now.

Tonight, we celebrate. But tomorrow, the real work begins. And I couldn't have asked for a better partner in this grand endeavor.

[orbmanson7]

Anybody up for a interesting story?

So, today, my parents were apparently cleaning out some junk around the house and they contacted my siblings and I to ask if we wanted any of it.

Imagine my surprise when I see that one of the items they were getting rid of just so happened to be my favorite clown cookie jar they've had for several years.

Now, understand, my parents collect some odd things; my mom prefers her unique but valuable teapots, and my stepdad used to really like finding rare, unique, and valuable cookie jars. My mom always told him he couldn't bring home any clown ones because they were creepy (so not true, clowns are wonderful), but he brought home this one at some point and it was shamefully kept mostly out of sight in our kitchen when I was a kid.

I, naturally, LOVED this cookie jar because, I mean, look at it! It looks like a damn clown is just melting away, how perfect is that?! 🤡

Anyway, fast forward a bit, I'm still a kid, and I'm watching iCarly on Nickelodeon, as kids do, and what do I see sitting in the back of the kitchen set on the show??

This fucking melting clown cookie jar!

I was ecstatic when I realized this (pretty sure we also had the Cookie Time clock jar at one point, too), and it made me love the thing even more!

After getting older and moving out, and my parents moving around a lot for work and such, I would always constantly check to make sure the clown cookie jar was still around. It always was, but my mom still hated it and would keep it tucked away behind other jars or in storage so she didn't have to look at it.

And now, today, they offered it up and I took it.

Now, after all these years, the clown is MINE. And it shall sit in my kitchen, proudly out on display, and be APPRECIATED for all its glory!

[khaleesiofalicante]

“Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly for the ones I did not.” -Donna Tartt

Jackson and David>>>>> but omg the fanfiction Jackson reads😂

I feel he's not possessed bc they have mentioned it a lot and they want to make us believe it is that but at the end it will be a plot twist I JUST KNOW IT!!!

The man David feared he was turning into sooner rather than later.

“I’m nothing like you,” David whispered. “Do you hear me?”

YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE HIM BABE😭😭

Idk what's happening but I feel like it is not good and that faerie was up to something....

“Did you…Did you just break into the Silent City? David asked.

“I don’t know why you look surprised,” Max replied incredulously. “I broke into hell."

My boy set expectations way to high

He knows David so well!!! Yeah I'm crying what about it 😭

I thought for a sec miscommunication was going to hurt again..

Miscommunication: lll . Talking to each other: l?? I think???

It was a piece of information that sometimes overwhelmed David with pride and want and desire.

The fact that his boyfriend was so powerful. The fact that he was royalty. The fact that despite all of that, Max wanted and chose and loved David.

I honestly also forget sometimes that Max is so fucking powerful... What a king😎

Does it have something to do with Chopin????

David smiled against the boy’s cheek and pressed a sloppy kiss. “Louder." Omfg THAT scene holy fucking shit!! I am 100% here for feral and horny David tbh..

“First of all, it’s also called the Bone City,” Max huffed and then crossed his arms. “And I swear to you, this man jumped me. I’m innocent.” funny thing is that this is completely correct but no one believes him😂😂 your reputation precedes you babe...

“David. You have demon blood.” WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK??? I HAVE QUESTIOND MAAM

“Apparently they’ve progressed into boning in the Bone City,” Anjali said, grinning a little. “Gabriel’s words. Not mine.” No, no, they've got a point...

There was a sliver of vulnerability in her voice, something he rarely he ever heard from Anjali.

He held onto it and wrapped it around himself.

....

She didn’t have to the Anjali Rosales.

She had had to be his amor.

I'm all here for Anjali being a badass, but Anjali being soft with Rafael???? Now that shit hits on a whole new level🥺🥺🥺

The color symbolism!!!! Screaming 😭

Achilles being a great lider😍 ?? Head of the Mexico Institute?? God, how I would wish to see that!!

So, I ask you to think wisely. Fighting is not the only way to save someone. There is more you can do. I hope you do it." Camilla kicked ass with that presentation!! I bow to our Queen 👑

It was David who had told Max that his heart was pure despite what was in his blood.

It was David who had promised him that he was good.

Now it was Max’s turn.

That quote still lives in my mind rent free💙

Good theories, but I feel like they aren't correct... Just an idea...

What do you mean there is ichor inside his body?” Lexi asked and then looked at Max. “What kind of weird sex are you guys having?" Lexi is the absolute best😂😂😂

“Can you pull his hair back?” Max asked lamely. “If he is throwing up, then you need to hold his hair back.” I just- They are just so thoughtful of the little things

Fuck you, Mallory!! Istg I need to take a second to calm myself when I'm reading about her

He told her what happened. Is you stupid, Max??🙂

It was Mallory I just know it!! He wanted him to hate David!!! What the hell did she do????

Mina had no limits. Mina had no filter. In fact, the heathen would demand more details when Max told her stuff. Yeah, cause she is A MILLION time better!!!

“You’re very nice to me,” Mallory said gently. “You don’t know how rare that is for someone like me.” it's cause you are a psycho 🔪🙂

Bitch, he is being nice to you like a decent person!! He doesn't like you like that!! Move on!!! But also the gift was really cool and it just makes things worse😭

Does Marcus really fail to see how disastrous that would be??? Like, is he that naïve???

But what is the point of trying to save people who are already dying? Isn’t that too late? Why try to heal pain when you can prevent harm?” I'm about to make it too late for you🗡️😊

Yeah Magnus, go off and put him in his place!!!

God he is so smart and I am honestly concerned about the Lightwood-Banes....

This was his destiny. He need to chill a little in this destiny thing

Anjali speaking facts as usual!!! I'm so glad she carries the braincells of the whole Clave 🥰

“They are the enemy!” Marcus said in frustration.

“Who are you to decide that?” she demanded angrily.

THIS>>>>

Marcus ignored her authority and pointed a gun at her???? And just when I thought I could heel more hate in my heart.....

So, the ley lines were down in Berlin too. Five down. Four more to go. Mmm, what?😀 WHAT IS HE DOING????

I am fearing everyone's lives right now. Thank you so much Marcus' dad whose name I keep forgetting!!!

This chapter, as always, was a rollercoaster. I loved it!!!

💙.💙.💙.

Thank you.

I made a Devlin tiktok for you. It’s shit but I give it an A+ for effort 🥰

[vttanon]

today my english teacher found me where i always am, in the english commons, by myself, with papers and books spread evenly across the entire table. this is how i keep others from sitting down by me.

"i was hoping you'd be here."

"i'm always here."

they laughed, and i'm not sure why, because i wasn't joking, but i think it must've been a way to ease into the next bit.

"what pronouns do you want me to use in your narrative comments for the quarter?"

in that moment, i remembered that the quarter ends this week, and conferences are next week, and i've been putting off these conversations for a month now but i really should get on it.

i laughed, because i make a joke out of these things or else it will hurt too much to say.

"oh yeah, i forgot to talk to you about that... you have to violently 'she' me."

i punctuated the statement with another laugh, but their face twisted up because the laughter can keep the heartbreak from being noticed by cis people but it's too familiar to other queer people. we've all been through it, so we can all see it in each other.

that moment meant something big to me, when they wordlessly told me "that is so shitty, and i see you." feeling seen is something rare, and something so very invaluable.

"well, you're almost out of here."

this was a comfort to be reminded of by someone outside my own conciousness. i often forget to internalise that. i am almost out of here. in a year i will be in oregon, studying religion at a college surrounded by queers.

we talked for a while about tattoos, because i think they understood that i was having a bad day, and that this was the cherry on the fucking top of it all, and that i could really use a conversation about something nice. i showed them the artist who'll be giving me my first tattoo in less than a month ("my body will finally be my own,") and they showed me the artist that did one of their's.

"my parents are gonna kill me."

"that's okay. mine did too."

~~~

it's frustrating to send seven emails to each of my teachers who i have finally got to somewhat respect me, and give them permission to misgender me all over again. i feel like i'm betraying myself, and my little sibling who came out to our family and who will always be braver than me. i hate telling my teachers to call me she when they already do it too much without me saying it's okay.

it sucks, too, because my english teacher is my only teacher who is consistently good at respecting me and using language that affirms who i am, and i know that reading the comments they write that will misgender me is going to hurt especially bad. they've never once gotten it wrong, and i know i am going to cry reading those comments.

i wish i was as empowered and unapologetic as everyone seems to think i am. all my peers think im too cunt (paraphrasing) and all the queer punk kids younger than me look up to me. i feel a responsibility to them to present this image of a violently authentic, passionate, intelligent and charismatic queer person that they can see as a role model, because i never had that when i was younger. i feel like every time i go home and say nothing when my parents call me "lady" and every time i go back into hiding is a betrayal to those kids who look up to me.

i'm thinking now, though, and maybe the reason i feel the need to be perfect for them is because the role models i had were online personalities who could cultivate perfection easily. maybe it's my job to show them that i (and they, too) can be powerful and messy and scared all at once. mess and fear breeds power. anger breeds power. complicated, beautiful, human people are powerful.

i don't know. i'm just pretty fucking heartbroken right now about all of this. i hate being she-d more than anything. i'm sad. i thought i'd write it down.

until next time,

xx, VENDETTA