#and they���re her HORRIBLE parents
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I'm thinking about getting my ears re-pierced, so I'm doing some research on it and I found this really funny thing.
An article from a jewelry store (it's the first thing that pops up when I googled surgical steel alergy, which I am pretty sure I have) says, in the same sentence that nickel allergies (which are typically the cause of bad reactions to iron-based alloys) are very rare and then they say 10% of the population has some form of it. That's not very rare. That's 1 in 10 people. In medication side effects lists, 1 in 10 is considered common.
So, yeah, fucking stupid ass jewelry website trying to sell their stupid ass jewelry by misleading their readers/customers.
#irl stuff#jewelry#piercings#earrings#I say re-pierced because I got my ears pierced when I was like 4#with a piercing gun and surgical steel earrings#which is actually pretty late for a girl to get her ears pierced here#most parents have their babies ears pierced before they're 1#especially when in the early 2000s#millenial parents may have a bit more sense and respect for their literal infants bodily autonomy than gen x did#apparently people assumed I was a boy a lot because I had very short hair and no earrings#the phrase 'oh she's a girl? but she doesn't have earrings' was something mom heard more than once#so anyway at 4 the peer pressure and gender norms got to me and I got my ears pierced#queue 3 years of battling horrible eczema behind my ears because of an allergic reaction#and my parents not wanting the holes to close so I had to keep wearing earrings#I got golden ones after that which irritaded my skin much less#and then when I was in first grade I lost one earring and stopped wearing them all together#lo and behold the eczema stopped being an issue#I tried qearing earrings occassionally as a teenager#but I could never get more than a few days before the skin behind my ears became irritated again#by now I'm pretty sure the holes did close#but I'd like to give earrings another shot#I will need to do a lot more research and probably get allergy testing before I get there
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I love all of the isha, jinx, reader and sev found family so much.
Was wondering about a reader who had a shaky relationship with their family. A couple of ideas. Maybe they are so worried about hurting isha, or they don't really know much about parenting and family. Maybe they are just hesitant. Or they don't talk too much either, but connect with isha.
I have no clue, would love anything, love your writing so much!! Totally fine if not I hope you have an awesome day either way :))
- 🌱
eeeee gonna combine this!!
thinking abt jinx isha and sev snuggling up to reader when she’s sad :(
men and minors dni
there are days, for both you and sevika, where the abundance of love from your new found family overwhelm you.
neither of you had the best childhoods. neither of you are close with your families now. and sometimes realizing that this is what a family is supposed to feel like kinda paralyzes you.
it's a horrible combination of grief and horror for your younger self, and for jinx and isha before they had you, and a gratefulness that you've managed to escape the cycles of abuse that have haunted your bloodlines.
it happens to sevika most often. jinx will spill a glass at dinner and you'll all calmly clean it up, giggling and teasing jinx for her butterfingers-- and sevika will get choked up with how easy it is. how little yelling, bleeding and crying had to occur for the problem to be solved.
she usually has to take a minute to herself, sometimes dragging you with her to the bedroom to bury her face against your neck and breathe in your scent as she calms down.
but after a few minutes, it washes over her, and she's back to her normal self.
it's different for you. it isn't little moments that trigger it, it just creeps up out of nowhere. you'll wake up one morning with the weight of the world pinning you to the bed, and you just won't be able to get up.
today's one of those days.
you don't know why it's happening now, but it's happening. how could you face a world that would treat a child so horribly that she can't talk? a world where doctors will fuse teenage girls' blood with shimmer, permanently altering her senses and instincts? a world where 'peacemakers' flood the streets with toxic gas?
you can't. at least not today.
"baby, it's almost eleven." sevika whispers, gently pulling the blankets away from your body. "'re you sick?" she asks, feeling your forehead tenderly.
her touch makes you weepy. you take a shaky breath. "i just--" you cut yourself off with a squeaky sob. sevika's face falls, and she quickly scrambles to join you in bed, scooping you into her arms. "i just can't do it today, sev." you say, falling apart against her chest.
sevika lets you cling to her, gently stroking your back and kissing your head as you cry against her. "that's alright, love." she whispers. "i'll do it all for you today."
this only makes you cry harder.
"sevika, where'd you go?! we're about to race rainbow road, c'mon i wanna watch isha kick your ass aga-- oh, shit." jinx cuts herself off, her eyes wide as she blinks at the pair of you. "y-you alright, sweetcheeks?" she asks, a worried little frown on her lips.
before you can answer, little footsteps come thumping toward your room. hurry up, big mama! isha signs as she comes sprinting in the room. her eyes get wide and worried, and she tugs jinx's hand pointing at you with concern. ms. baby, what's wrong? isha asks.
"she's just... having a rough day, kids." sevika explains, rubbing your back for you. a few tears leak out of your eyes at her gentle voice and her careful words. "y'know those days where you just need to be sad?"
jinx seems to understand, her eyes softening in sympathy and one of her arms reaching out to start playing with isha's hair. "yeah, i've had a few of those." she chuckles wryly. "just gotta cry in bed until tomorrow." jinx shrugs. "sorry, sweetcheeks."
you smile weakly at jinx. "'s alright. i'll be up and at 'em again soon."
isha's still worried, though. ms. baby, do you need a kiss? she signs.
you burst into a fresh round of tears, and jinx chuckles, just a little. "t-that would be great, isha." you sob. isha scrambles into bed beside you and sevika, carefully holding your face between her tiny hands as she kisses your forehead. it's surprising just how much her little kiss makes you feel better. you chuckle a little. "thanks kiddo."
"do you wanna come lay on the couch? watch us play mario? you can still cry and sleep, but at least we'll be there to keep you company." sevika offers.
you smile, then frown. "that sounds amazing, baby, but i don't think i have the energy to get out of bed." you admit. sevika scoffs and gets out of bed. your heart sinks, and you choke on a sob. "i-i know it's pathetic, 'm sor--"
"baby, shut the fuck up." sevika says, ripping the blankets off of you. you gasp and shiver, and sevika leans down and easily hauls you up into her arms. you gasp and squeal, and jinx and isha burst into laughter and screams. "jinx, will you grab a few pillows for her?" sevika asks as she starts carrying you into the living room. jinx trails behind you, your pillows and a blanket in her arms.
isha disappears into her bedroom, only to return as sevika's settling you down on the couch, placing her favorite bunny plushy in your arms. bunny will make you feel better. she signs. you start to cry again, nodding and thanking her shakily, cradling the stuffy to your chest.
isha and jinx settle down on the floor in front of the couch, and sevika covers you up with blankets before pulling your legs into her lap and sitting beside you. "you gonna be able to sleep with us screaming at each other?" she asks, grabbing her controller. you chuckle and nod.
"no different from any other nap i take." you tease. sevika grins and you sigh happily, your heart throbbing with appreciation and love.
you fall asleep after sevika falls off the track for the third time. when you wake back up, isha and jinx have piled on top of you and sevika, all three of them snoring as they enjoy an afternoon nap.
despite the heaviness in your chest and your tired eyes trying to drag you back to sleep, you take a moment to remember the moment before you close your eyes--knowing that despite all the horrible associations you've had with family in your past; from now on this is what family will be.
taglist!
@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner
@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther
@sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart
@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette
@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp
@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner
@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke
@lavandasz @strawberrykidneystone @sevikasfan
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bon thoughts (18+) a/n: i got carried away im so sorry
sweet boy CollegeAU!Charles Leclerc, affectionate with everyone. he may not be the smartest in class, but he's always respectful, always helpful, always just so damn sweet!
except for when it comes to you. little miss smarty pants who thinks she's better than him, she's above him. he tries to be nice, tries to move to the side when you're passing by in the hallway, tries to ignore your snarky remarks about his grades but he wasn't failing nor was he barely passing! he has good grades, just not perfect like yours.
and so a rivalry begins, where every day the sweet boy charles was becoming more and more angry, more and more frustrated by whatever you did. you'd purposely partner up with him during lab assignments, using the opportunity to criticize him further. he'd bite his tongue, and finally come to the conclusion that you needed something to shut your mouth.
in the library, in the bathroom, in his dorm, you'd be on your knees, on your back, on your stomach, taking his cock in any hole he could find at the moment. he'd fuck you rough, hands gripping on you to form bruises, biting into your shoulder while muttering, "shut the fuck up, shut your fucking mouth, slut," and you couldn't help but moan out loud through a giggle, surprised that the sweet boy in class had been pushed to his limit because of you.
"all you ever fucking do is complain and snitch, what if i snitch on you right now to your parents, hm? see you spread out like this for me as i fuck you?" he taunts, watching the way miss perfect grades shakes her head, trying to squirm away but he grips your waists and slams back into you. you choke out a strangled scream, trying to grab his shoulders but he grabs both your wrists in one hand and pins them above your head, "no you don't get to do anything, not after all the shit you do to me."
he has you bent over a table in an empty study room in the library, fucking your cunt. he glances down at the thick, milky ring on his cock and laughs out loud, "you like this don't you? you never cared about grades and scholarships, no, you wanted me to fuck you, you get off on seeing me mad, such a slut for me aren't you? my little whore." his words are awful but you couldn't stop the way your hips buck against him, wanting to take him deeper. and so during class discussions and group corrections for papers and tests, you would think twice before writing a harsh comment on whatever he contributes to the class. he's always staring at you when his paper ends up on your desk, a small warning to see if you'll write that nasty paragraph about how much of a failure he was like you used to do. some days when you were tired from studying and sucking his cock you'd write something nice, and give positive feedback but on other days when you were free for the day, or were very bored... the ink in your red pen would be gone by the end of the class, followed by the nastiest scowl on charles's face. he's in your dorm late at night, forcing you to re-read all the horrible things you wrote on his paper which even has the teacher wondering why you were so harsh on the poor boy. "you f-forgot... to capita- oh, charles!" you moan, and you feel him grab a good portion of your hair, yanking your head as your back arches further, eyes rolling to the top as his pace is brutal,
"read the damn thing, read what you fucking wrote, whore," he'd hiss, his hand coming to wrap around your throat, squeezing slightly. you'd let out another wanton moan, trying to hold the paper up with shaking hands as you continue your critique on his paper, but the more he pounds into you, the more you couldn't focus which earns a harsh slap on your ass, "fucked your brain too dumb? hm? miss smarty pants not so smart now huh? she's all fucking dumb for my cock, can't even think properly because my cocks all in her dripping cunt, yeah?" his accent was always stronger when he was mad, and his sweaty chest pins you deeper into your bed, his head poking around your neck to get a good look at that paper.
the next day, the teacher with a very confused expression walks over to Charles and hands him a paper, "Mr. Leclerc, Ms. (Y/N) submitted a new critique for your paper, she said she was in a bad mood that day and seemed to be very harsh on her grading. I hope you can forgive her and accept this paper." Charles, being the sweet boy that he was, flashes a big smile, "of course, Mr. Bell."
#bon thoughts#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x reader smut#charles leclerc smut#f1 smut#f1 x reader#f1 x reader smut#f1 x you#f1 x you smut#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x you smut#charles leclerc smut fics#charles leclerc imagines#charles leclerc fanfictions#charles leclerc headcanons#charles leclerc drabbles#charles leclerc one shots smut#charles leclerc one shots
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Payment in Kisses- C.S
summary: where y/n has trouble painting her left hand and chris comes to the rescue. short blurb
cw: a bit of cursing, FLUFF
an: WOAHH thank you guys so much for 1.4K!! here's a little something i cooked up💋
masterlist | join my taglist
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"Ugh!" Y/n groans on the bed, wiping away the nail polish that smeared outside her nail. She looks at her right hand and the painting was horrible, she always had trouble painting her right with her left. She capped her light pink nail polish and placed it on Chris' nightstand.
She pours some nail polish remover onto a cotton pad and wipes off the polish off her right hand nails. Sighing, she grabs her phone and scrolls on her phone for a while.
"Chris, baby. I'm bored." She comes up behind him and wraps her arms around his neck. "Hi, babe. You finished painting your nails?" He takes his headset off and looks down at her painted left hand, then to her bare right one. "What happened to this one?" Chris grabs her right hand and turns to face her. "I couldn't paint it nicely, it ended up messy so I took it off." She shrugged.
"Want me to paint it for you?" He stares at her lips that wore his favorite lipstick of hers. A bright shade of dark pink. "You would do that for me?" She gasps. "Of course! C'mon let's go." He lets go of her hand and turns off his computer. Y/n walks to his bed and grabs the light pink polish and plops on his bed.
"Let me see that." Chris sits in front of her and grabs the small bottle from her. "Your hand, please." He brings his palm out. Y/n giggles and places her hand into his palm. "Thank you, beautiful." He kisses her knuckles and puts her hand on his knee so he can open the nail polish. "Here, I'll hold it." Y/n holds out her free hand to hold the bottle while Chris has a hold of the wand.
"Welcome to Chris' nail salon." He puts on a serious voice. Y/n only giggles. "You are my very first customer," Chris swipes the polish filled bristles "And might I say, you are very pretty." He smiles, breaking character. "You're so silly, babe."
On the third nail, they were both in a random conversation. "When're you filming again?" She brings the bottle to him so he can re-dip the brush. "Sunday, we're filming a car video. Oh- that reminds me," He goes to paint her nail, and Y/n waits for his answer. "What does it remind you of?" She giggles.
"Shit, sorry." He laughs. "Me, Nick and Matt want you to film another video with us, if you're up for it." Y/n had filmed about three videos with them and she's made an appearance in some of their vlogs here and there. "Sure, I'll film another video with you guys- just as long as it's not a baking challenge. You guys are crazy when filming those."
Chris smiles. "I promise you it's not. It's a parent challenge." Y/n furrows her eyebrows. "Where are you guys going to get a baby?" He laughs again. "No, not with a real baby. With eggs, if we break it we lose." "Ohh!" She says. "M' almost done here." He paints her pinky. "You're quick with it, babe."
He smirks, "Don't even think about it, you animal." Y/n already knew that he was going to make a dirty joke out of it. "Okay, okay. I won't, but it would've been a good one."
"Thank you, so much Mr. Chris." She looks at her perfectly painted left hand. "You are very welcome." He says, placing the little bottle back on the nightstand. "How can I ever pay you?" Y/n giggles. "You can pay me with lots of face kisses. I want your lipstick marks all over me." He throws himself down on the bed and brings her along. "Chris!" She giggles and starts kissing him all over his face. "I just love you so so much!" He mumbles through a kiss. She gasps. "My nails." She frowns but smiles when she sees Chris' face covered in her lipstick marks."
"Looks like I'll have to repaint it. You can just give me my next payment now." He brings her lips back to his face.
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris x reader#chris sturiolo fanfic#chris x y/n#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo headcanon#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo blurb#matt sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo blurb#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo fluff#matthew sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo headcanon#matthew sturniolo x reader#matt x y/n#matt x reader#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo triplets fanfic#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo triplets x reader#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo imagine#fluff#sturniolo fanfic
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aaaaaanyways. pride month at Camp Half Blood?
if you remember that one post from a while ago (general hc’s about chb), I did say I would do a fully pride post eventually
so without further ado, I present to all my lovely gay demigods:
PRIDE MONTH AT CHB🗣️🗣️
SO we’ve already discussed the decorations of some of the cabins, like Percy putting rainbow hippocampi scales all over the walls, the Demeter and Persephone cabins growing colorful flowers all over their roofs, the Hecate cabin and its Sentient Gay Door
I like to think the Iris cabin is just fully blasting rainbows all the time it looks like a Minecraft beacon
they play capture the flag every June with a pride flag that has the CHB logo on it
limited edition CHB pride merch😭
Mr. D defending trans campers by driving bigots slightly insane long enough to slap themselves and then go back to normal
Y’ALL KNOW ABOUT THE PRONOUN CORRECTION AIR HORNS? THAT’S THE ENTIRE APOLLO CABIN + LEO AND PERCY
Some ignorant prick about a transmasc camper: “Oh yeah she—“
Percy: *AIR HORN* “IT’S HE, BITCH”
Ignorant prick: “Okay Jesus I’m sorry”
A different ignorant prick: *makes some dumb joke about “always being able to tell” and receives at least seven different air horns from all the Apollo campers in the vicinity*
Leo’s been following this one really irritating chick around all day because she can’t figure out one of his sibling’s genders and blasting her in the face every time she fucks up their pronouns😭😭😭
anyways yeah I like to imagine there’s a demigod pride festival somewhere, maybe in New York
or no there’s demigods everywhere I bet they have parade floats all the time in lots of cities and the Mist conceals the “fireworks” which are actually just godly light shows
Apollo rocks up to camp in a rainbow crop top and a pink drink from Starbucks just to sing Born This Way in the middle of the day and then dip again
Aphrodite blessing random queer couples with finding perfect date setups “conveniently” in their paths
all the gods physically restraining Hera when she tries to go fuck with Jason while he’s on a date w Leo
Percy and Annabeth in matching shirts that say ✨BEST BI✨ with the Best Buy price tag logo in the middle
Nico got glitterbombed on June 1st the second he stepped out of his cabin by the entire Apollo cabin (and Jason) and is still finding sparkles in his hair a week later
Aphrodite kids are walking dictionaries of all the rainbow terms, somehow, and they also all know which days in June are for which awareness or pride or whatever flag
campers who transitioned over the school year and coming back to camp a different gender and their godly parent re-claims them as their true self
Percy “I can’t believe I used to think I was straight” Jackson educating some of the younger campers on bisexuality and how, no, you don’t always know right away
Annabeth “I had a crush on Thalia and Luke at the same time and it was horrible” Chase always reassuring the nervous kids that there’s nothing wrong with being queer (and that she’ll fight any homophobic family members they may have)
actually they kind of all do that
Some little kid: “Well……. I don’t wanna tell my stepdad, he might kick me out”
Percy, remembering that his dad kept Medusa’s head after it got sent to Olympus: “Give me your address, I have an idea”
Piper will verbally eviscerate anybody she catches being even remotely homophobic. I mean she will swipe phones out of her siblings’ hands to tell off some ignorant grandmother
Jason does NOT get into physical altercations outside of sparring and literal war, but the closest he ever got was after hearing someone call Nico a slur (Percy and Leo had to physically drag him away from the other guy)
William Solace has white cowboy boots. I Will Start Sobbing On The Spot
Percy and Jason wore matching skirts for the pride festival and it was great— these 6-foot-plus brick shithouses of heroes who have single-handedly won wars aggressively waving tiny pride flags at each other and dancing to IT GIRL on the quad
Cecil and Lou Ellen made these magic rainbow smoke bombs, crawled up on the roof of the Hermes cabin, and slingshotted them into the masses Just Because™️
(Will’s hair was blue and pink for weeks)
RAINBOW WAR PAINT FOR CAPTURE THE FLAG.
Clarisse fucking kicked someone into the lake because they made fun of one of her siblings’ dyed hair
Connor thought it would be funny to leave a mini pan flag on top of Mr. D’s Diet Coke stash, mostly as a harmless joke, but the next day he noticed Mr. D had tucked it into his horrible Hawaiian shirt pocket like a handkerchief😭
watching Love, Simon in the amphitheater for movie night and half the campers had to excuse themselves early for sobbing too hard
Malcolm and Annabeth reread Red White and Royal Blue every summer. They say they’re Henry and June, Connor is Alex, and Percy is Nora
(this is confirmed when the two of them start a foot fight in the dining pavilion with a Chipotle burrito)
Leo IMing Jo and Emmie to wish them a happy pride (and tell Georgina and Waystation I said hello)
Piper and Leo getting into a HEATED debate about whether Velma Dinkley is a lesbian or not
”YOU CANNOT LOOK AT HER OVERSIZED-SWEATER-OVER-MY-PROM-DRESS ASS AND TELL ME YOU THINK SHE’S TOTALLY STRAIGHT—“
”WHAT SHE AND SHAGGY HAD WAS REAL, BEAUTY QUEEN! HOT DOG WATER AIN’T GOT NOTHIN ON NORVILLE ROGERS—“
”LEO! HER NAME IS MARCIE! AND THEY ARE EACH OTHER’S W A L L P A P E R S .”
Jason, sitting in the middle of them, now deaf in both ears: Lupa give me strength
GUYS PLEASE SEND ME SPECIFIC SHIPS OR CHARACTERS TO WRITE PRIDE HC’S FOR I WOULD LOVE TO🙏🙏🙏🙏
#riordanverse#pjo#chb#camp half blood#percy jackson#leo valdez#toa#pride#jason grace#valgrace#annabeth chase#percabeth#nico di angelo#piper mclean#solangelo#cecil markowitz#lou ellen blackstone#clarisse la rue#connor stoll#malconnor
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Chapter 14: Don't Be A Bundt Cake
Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV, Soldier Boy POV
Summary: When you decided to work with Butcher and his merry band of supe hunters to take down Homelander, you never expected to be saddled with a sullen, grumpy, jerk like Soldier Boy when the job was done. The more you're around him the more you hate him, but you can't help but wonder, is he really as big a jerk as you think? Reader is a supe with plant powers. This takes place in an AU about a month after the end of The Boys Season 3, in which Butcher has let Soldier Boy continue to work with him on his team. (I'm real bad at summaries, please forgive me!)
Tropes: Enemies to Lovers (Not in this chapter), Slow Burn, Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Soft Ben/ Soldier Boy, Protective Ben/Soldier Boy, Miscommunication Trope
Word Count: 13.1K
Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+ because Soldier Boy (he's a warning and everyone knows it), Swearing, Mentions of Sex, Sexual Innuendo, Talks of Death, DENIAL, Idiots in Love, Pining by the Reader (and SB, but he won't admit it) Depressing Thoughts, Mentions of sexual assault/rape (not detailed at all, really just in passing) Talks about weed, Sexist comments, Ben makes derogatory comments, Threatening Ben/Soldier Boy might be a little bit OOC.
Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!
Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.
Spotify Playlist 🪴
Series Masterlist
Main Masterlist
A/N: I am so sorry this one took me a bit longer. The writers block was fighting me the whole way, but we are very closely nearing the end of this series and the moment the reader and Ben stop being so stinkin' stubborn.
Reader POV
You lean your forehead against the cool window, watching the world flash by in a flurry of color. The wooded forests had vanished hours ago and all that was left were the yellowed sprawling fields of corn and grain and family farms that were laid sporadically along the interstate. Each one a little world that caught the flecks of golden sunlight as the sun began to peak above the horizon.
The bus rolled smooth and steady over the weathered pavement towards it's destination and was filled with an odd assortment of people young and old. There was man with a brightly colored parrot that had been singing "It's A Small World After All" since you left NYC, a woman with a little boy playing with an iPad and who refused to turn down the volume no matter how many times his mother asked him to, a group of teenagers a few seats up that continued to pass around a flask, and due to how far back you were sitting on the bus an uncomfortable smell emanated from the bathroom each time the door was opened.
But you didn't notice any of it.
The only thing on your mind were the events that happened almost twenty hours ago. They continued to circle your mind, playing over and over again like a perverted cassette tape making you sink further into the worn cloth covered seat at the back of the bus. The images were haunting, some new and some old, but all the more still horrible to re-live.
The song "Nights In White Satin" floating into the backseat of your family's car, the flash of unnatural light you knew was never lightning, the caskets at your parent's funeral covered in flowers that were much to pretty to lay on something so morbid, Elijah's body succumbing to the poppies that ripped him apart, the proud sneer on your brother's face when he admitted to killing your parents, Darren's broken and bloodied body strewn in pieces over the street with the creature standing over him with a dripping red maw, the ruined building that housed "Please Don't Die" reduced to nothing more than rubble, and the look on Ben's face when you turned your back on him and fled the scene.
For some reason that particular image seemed to cling on to you and refused to fade. You'd never seen him look that way, almost… helpless and a little fearful. In all the time you'd known him, Ben had never looked at you that way. Sure you'd seen him proud, angry, cocky, lustful, mischievous, but never fearful. And you were sure that it wasn't an emotion that he was used to feeling, but that begged the question… why?
Why was he looking at me like that? Why wouldn't he let me go? And what was he afraid of?
The creature curled in your lap snorts something in it's sleep, turning it’s head further into the cradle of your elbow to shut out the brilliant early morning sunlight. It was now the size of a toaster and had warranted several odd looks whenever you got off to change buses, but you didn't care.
You weren't sure about anything anymore. Everything your brother confessed to you made you feel like you were living a lie and the revelation of exactly what your powers could do- take life from plants to heal yourself, create whatever the hell it was on your lap, and speak to plants… it scared you.
You thought for so long that you knew everything about your powers, that you were in control, but now you weren't sure.
You felt different, as if something had unlocked deep down that you couldn't shut up again.
You'd felt different after you killed Elijah, but this was more alive, weaving and twisting in the pit of your stomach. You felt more connected to the earth, to the world outside the bus even though you were divided by glass and metal. You could feel the energy that thrummed through the body of the creature on your lap, bending to your will, the life force of the plants it was formed from molding with you, becoming a part of you.
You felt so different than the person you had been before Darren entered the shop, so uncertain, and there was only one place you wanted to be when you felt like this… home. You couldn't wait to run up the worn front steps of your grandmother's house and into her arms. She always knew what to say in times like this.
And you desperately needed the comfort of her embrace.
The phone in your pocket buzzes again and you flip the screen to see the ridiculous selfie Annie and you had taken on Halloween last year. The one that you'd both spent dressed up as the two brothers from your favorite paranormal tv show. It wasn't the first time she'd called. Annie had called and texted you more times than you could count over the past twenty hours but you didn't answer her. You didn’t want to.
It was the first time that you didn't want to talk to her, but talking to her meant that you'd have to re-live all of it again and you were clawing at the last shred of sanity you had left to keep it together.
The overwhelming waves of emotion kept pummeling you, dragging you deeper beneath the white surf. Each one brought the memories of what happened surging over you and were followed by everything that Darren said to you. Years of taking care of Darren and doing whatever he wished were tearing at your soul, years of giving up little things in your life to make him happy, and years of taking care of a man who you thought cared about you, but hated you enough to kill your parents and try to kill you too.
It made your skin crawl. Each time your brother told you that he loved you was an even bigger lie and now that you knew the truth and saw him for what he was, it felt like you were drowning. The darkness that ebbed just on the edge was begging you to leap into the abyss, but you were resisting the best you could.
The tears had stopped falling miles ago, but you couldn't stop the memories or the emotion that formed a cold ball in the pit of your stomach.
A sigh works it's way up and you pull your legs on the seat underneath you, jostling the creature on your lap that raises it's head for a moment to blink it's black eyes at you sleepily.
It was surprisingly docile right now, especially considering that twenty hours ago it had ripped your brother to shreds. In fact it seemed to understand how upset you were and had spent the better part of the last twenty hours rubbing it's head against your arm as if trying to bring you some comfort. It was settled on your lap, the weight of it a comfort, almost like a weighted plushy that gave you something to focus on.
"It's alright buddy." You whisper, scratching him under his chin. "We're almost home."
The phone in your jacket pocket buzzes again, but when you pull it out to turn it off, you catch a glimpse of the screen, and you hesitate. Because this time it's not Annie who's calling, it’s Ben.
The picture that flashes on the screen under the contact name "Gramps" is the picture of Mr. Fredrickson from Up. It always made you smile whenever he called you and you saw the picture because Ben did often remind you of him. He was certainly just as grumpy as Mr. Fredrickson and just as out of touch, but you thought it was cute.
Your thumb hovers over the answer button and you think about talking to him.
But what would I say?
You weren't sure what to say to him, or why you wanted to speak to him so badly, why you wanted him to be sitting here on the bus with you as you went home, and why you wanted him to hold you against his chest while you allowed yourself to break, but you did. You wanted to feel his awkward shoulder pat and his awkward version of hand holding and you wanted to hear him try to tell you to "buck up" or whatever he thought that a comforting word should be.
He's really not the best at that.
You smile to yourself at the memory of how he tried to comfort you back at the hospital, but the longer you sit there and look down at the picture on the screen the worse you feel.
Maybe that scared you more than your newfound powers, how much you were realizing that you needed him, how much you depended on him when things got too much for you to bear. The memory of him appearing as soon as you needed him back at the shop, another of him grabbing Darren and throwing him into the street as soon as Darren insulted you comes in a flash, and finally followed by the memory of Ben carrying you out of Elijah's office while you curled into his chest. You couldn't remember too much from that moment, in fact you'd thought that Ben had kissed you on top of your head, but you ascribed that to the haze of pain you'd been in from your broken arm.
What you did remember was how wonderfully warm he was after you'd been trapped in that damn freezer and how nice it felt to be in his arms. Another memory of Ben sleeping on the couch at the hospital bubbles up and you feel something in your chest begin to crack open. And you try your best to tell yourself the same thing that you always do when you feel like Ben might care more about you that he was letting on.
Ben doesn't want that. He's made it perfectly clear. He doesn't want a relationship. He's only wants one night, that's why he goes out with all those women-
You hesitate, thumb still hovering over the answer button as you do, the memory of the week you'd spent at the apartment with him flickering in the back of your mind. The week where he refused to leave you alone in the apartment, where he refused to do any jobs for Butcher, where he took care of you the best way he could, when he sat with you on the couch and made you laugh with his ridiculous movies, and the week where he hadn't had one date.
Your finger itched to answer the phone, but you couldn't, because you didn't want to feel this way about Ben, not when he'd told you countless times that you kept romanticizing him, not when he told you that he didn't want a relationship, and not when you could feel yourself beginning to fall for someone you thought was the wrong man.
For just a moment you tried to pretend that it was different, that he was different, but you didn't want to. It only made it hurt more.
The phone stops ringing, but the pit in your stomach still gapes open at you and for the first time in twenty hours you feel tears begin to fall. You didn't know why you were crying about this, why the thought of not picking up Ben's phone call seemed to hurt more than everything that had happened, but something made it hurt.
The bus driver announces over the overhead that you're reaching your final destination as he takes the exit for your hometown. The familiar buildings that line the streets are sheathed in a honeyed glow from the sun, the long shadow of the bus darkening them momentarily as it rumbles down the small streets to the bus station.
When it rumbles to a stop at the bus station you wait for everyone else to get off, trying to summon the strength to stand, and swipe the back of your hand across your face to rid yourself of the remaining tears.
The bus station was about a thirty minute walk from your grandmother's house, and you still hadn't called her. You didn't know what to say, didn't know how to tell her that Darren was dead and that he was the reason why your parents were dead.
The creature crawls up your body to drape it's warm body over the back of your neck as you stand. It wasn't bothering to hide, besides the people in your hometown already thought that you were odd because you were a supe and you'd always welcomed it. You give him a scratch on top of his head and his warm tongue flicks on the bottom of your earlobe as if thanking you before it curls further into the side of your neck, seeking warmth.
The first few steps on solid ground are shaky, but you find the strength while taking in a deep cleansing breath of the outside world, letting the gentle warmth of the sun and the tickle of the autumn breeze pull at your coat. You hadn't stopped at your apartment before coming here, instead you had stumbled your way to the bus station covered in dust, flecked in blood, and demanded the first ticket back to Illinois. It was lucky that the next bus was leaving immediately, because you didn’t want to spend another second in NYC, not when all you wanted was to be home.
Plus you were worried that someone had recorded what exactly happened outside the plant shop and you didn't want to get arrested.
It was self defense anyway. Maybe Jake would represent me in court.
The thought of Jake makes you twinge. You hadn't checked to see if he was alright before you ran from the scene. Not to mention you'd destroyed the shop he'd put all his life savings into after he stopped being a lawyer.
Oh fuck, what if he sues me? He can't exactly sue Darren…
You hear someone call your name and you open your eyes.
Your grandmother is standing in front of the same baby blue pickup truck that she'd had longer than you've been alive, wearing a long multicolored skirt and a pressed white blouse tucked elegantly into it. Her silver hair is loose and long, curling over her shoulders in gentle waves. She looks the same way she looked one week ago when she left, and you've never seen anything so beautiful in your life.
You're running before you can stop yourself, crumbling into her warm embrace, with more tears streaking down your face, but she doesn't mind.
"Shh. It's alright honey." She whispers, rubbing her hand over your back, her embrace steady and surprisingly strong. "Let's go home."
Her home is the same as it's always been. A two story Victorian house painted in a happy yellow shade, with a white wrap around porch and two white rocking chairs sitting empty on the front porch. You'd spent more nights than you could count rocking silently beside her with a crochet project in your lap listening to the rain fall and soak the world outside, while the plants sang praises with every gentle bend beneath the heavy droplets.
You could barely remember the home you spent in your early years with your parents, not when you'd spent most of your childhood spending the night here and after your parents died living here permanently. There was still a large oak tree were a wooden swing swung in the slight breeze on the left side of the yard, a gardenia bush that stretched as high as the second story on the right side of the house and brushed it's soft leaves against the sunshine colored outer walls, a garden filled with both flowering plants and herbs that perked up on both sides of the front yard as you walked up the path, and a cobblestone path that Annie and you had spent hours of your shared childhood covering in chalk art.
Neither of you were good, but when the rain would fall and smudge the clean lines, you'd jump in the puddles that pooled along the walkway singing the lyrics to ABBA's "Cassandra" not quite understanding what it meant.
Standing here outside your house made you miss Annie and feel worse about not calling or texting her back, but you didn't feel like talking about what happened and you were sure that Butcher filled her in. The only thing that you wanted was to collapse in your bedroom upstairs and curl under the comforters.
Despite everything the house was a welcome sight, but at the same time it was different. You could feel the plants calling out to you, asking for you, bending towards you just to touch your shoes as you walked by. You'd never felt so connected with them before, not even when you were in your apartment or working at the shop. It was overwhelming.
And although a part of you was frightened by it, another part of you rejoiced in it. You didn't feel alone, didn't feel weak, and you knew that you never would ever again.
The creature nuzzled into the side of your neck with a sigh, soaking up the sun's healing rays as you walked up the front steps with your grandmother following behind you silently. She hadn't spoken since she picked you up at the bus station and you hadn't supplied anything in the ten minute car ride back to her house.
You didn't know where to start and you were still trying to process everything yourself.
The inside of her house was just as cozy and warm as it was the day you moved out. There were photos of your parents and you covering the walls (Darren's had been placed in the closet long ago), half-finished knitting projects sorted in different baskets on both the dining room table and the living room coffee table, spools of yarn were strewn over the couch sorted by color, and the fresh smell of gardenia wafted through the open windows on the breeze.
It was home. This was what you'd been missing the moment everything began to crash over you, but as you stood there in the familiar living room it felt like something was missing. Something tugged at the back of your mind, but you couldn't put your finger on it.
There was something or rather someone that should be here, but you didn't know what or who. And your mind supplied Annie, but you weren't sure that's who you meant.
"Let's have some tea." Your grandmother says from behind you and you feel her soft hands come down on your shoulders to steer you through the familiar creative chaos and into the large kitchen at the back of the house.
The kitchen isn't spared from the madness, it rarely was. There are boxes upon boxes of cookies in different stages of being packaged all over the counter, dirty bowls and a measuring cup stacked in the sink, and a large opened bag of chocolate chips spilling over the flour covered kitchen island.
It wasn't unusual to find the kitchen or the house in a state of chaos, your grandmother always said that a house should look lived in and that the mess was part of the fun of any major project as long as you were responsible enough to clean it up.
"Bake sale?" You ask as you sit down in the breakfast nook, uttering the first words that you'd said to another human being in twenty hours.
The next breath that you inhale was supposed to be cleansing, but you can still feel a weight pressing down on your chest, the same one that settled in the moment everything happened with Darren.
You contemplate again how you're going to tell her that Darren is dead and was the reason why your parents died.
Damn it Darren.
"Mhmm." She hums, filling the well used red kettle. "Annie's mother practically cornered me in the supermarket yesterday and begged me to make cookies. I love Annie, but her mother needs someone to pull that stick out of her ass. It's been up there for so long that I'm sure it's rotten."
The creature crawls down from your shoulders and down your arm to sniff at one of the chocolate chip cookies nearest you. It hadn't eaten since…
Darren.
You wince slightly at the thought and hope that you hadn't created something that needed and craved human flesh. The last thing you wanted to unleash on the world was Audry two especially in the wake of Homelander.
Truthfully you were waiting for the guilt at killing your brother to come, but it never had and you wondered if it ever would.
Probably not. He deserved that, he killed our parents, he tried to kill me, he tried to kill Ben.
The thought of Ben again makes a lump form in the back of your throat. You didn't know what was happening to you only that you felt guilty for leaving him like that, for yelling at him to let you go, and just vanishing on him when he probably thought that you were going back to the apartment.
He doesn't know where I am. Maybe that's why he tried to call, because he got back to the apartment and couldn't find me there and he was worried. You press your lips together. Yeah. Worried. Right.
"Honey?" Your grandmother says in a soothing voice
You look up from the box of chocolate chip cookies that you didn't remember picking up. Even the creature is looking at you with an expression that you can only explain as worry.
"Yeah?" Your voice shakes slightly.
She's leaning back against the counter, arms crossed over her chest, head tilted slightly to the side, her beautiful grayed hair pulled up in an elegant bun, but in her eyes you can see genuine concern. "Fuck." She sighs after a minute.
You blink in surprise. It was the first time that you'd ever heard her say that word in your entire life.
"I shouldn't have left." She breathes. "I told Ben to look out for you. I told him, that little bastard was bound to show up again and what did he do? He left you at that plant shop alone with no protection!"
You'd only seen her really angry a handful of times in your lifetime. Like you, your grandmother often had a gentle disposition and didn't get angry unless the situation called for it.
I mean, Darren admitted to killing our parents and then got fucking ripped apart. But how does she know about any of that? I haven't told her…
"How did you know that he left me there? Did Ben call you?" You ask putting down the box of cookies.
An odd expression crosses her face, as if she's contemplating something. "No." She hesitates again. "I saw it."
"No." Your grandmother hesitates. "I saw it."
"You saw it?" You repeat, confused.
What's going on?
"Too late of course, but I'm a little rusty. I was able to warn Ben that Darren was coming back. That's how he got there so quickly or rather-" She shrugs sheepishly. "He got there in time to make sure that Darren didn't get you to forgive him. Which you shouldn't have at all, but I know he's always had a talent for manipulating you."
"What?"
Is she saying what I think she's saying?
Instead of explaining further your grandmother walks out of the kitchen, leaving the kettle behind on the stove and you in a state of utter confusion.
Is she saying that she can see the future? Because that would mean that she's a supe and there's only one supe in history that I know of that can do that. A supe that no one has seen in over forty years.
You can hear her open the door to the closet under the stairs and the sound of her sifting through all the junk that the two of you had shoved in there over the years instead of finding the right place to put it.
When she comes back into the kitchen, she's holding a giant cardboard file box that you'd never paid attention to each time you opened the closet to find something. Your eyes shift from the box to her still not comprehending exactly what she was saying.
"I probably should have told you this a while ago, but…" She trails off and nods her head at the box before turning back to the kettle on the stove that has begun to scream. "I kept putting it off."
The box is old, worn at the edges, and theres a musty black fabric beneath a collection of yellowed photographs. You pull out the one on top to examine it.
Ben is standing there in his full Soldier Boy regalia outside of Vought tower and the woman standing next to him is Soothsayer. The outfit she wore was familiar, a black-skin tight suit with a blind fold tied over her eyes.
Soothsayer was a supe who could see the future and who was apart of Payback, a supe that had vanished a year before the mission in Nicaragua and no one knew where she went. There were rumors that she'd died and that she'd been a Russian spy, but you'd never believed them. You'd heard Butcher talk about how he tried to find her when he was trying to figure out what happened to Soldier Boy, but he never had. Said that the trail went cold.
But now you knew where she went, because she was standing directly in front of you.
She's Soothsayer? Holy fuck that's why Ben kept accusing her of cheating in the poker game because he knew that she could see the future.
"You were Soothsayer?" You gasp. "But why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me?"
She continues to measure the tea leaves. "I didn't tell anyone."
"Grandpa didn't know? But he was alive when you were a supe?"
Your grandfather had never spoken about a history with supes that you remember.
"No." She turns to look at you, a hurt expression crossing over her face for a minute. "Well, I know that I said I was going to have tea, but if we're going to talk about this I'm going to need something a little bit stronger."
Your grandmother opens a cabinet under the stove an pulls out an enormous bottle of scotch. Truth be told you'd never seen her drink more than just a glass of wine, to see her like this was about as shocking as seeing a polar bear sunning itself on a Florida beach.
"Do you still want the blueberry tea or do you need something a little stronger?" She looks back over her shoulder at you as she pulls down a glass for herself.
"I think I need something stronger." You answer honestly.
Learning about everything Darren had done was one thing, but finding out that your grandmother used to be a famous supe and that she never told you about it was another thing. It was like looking at another person. You'd always loved your grandmother's gentle way, her care for her community and her family soft, but now you weren't sure you really knew who she was.
She sits down across from you and hands you a glass of the amber colored liquid. There's a heavy silence that hangs between the two of you as she tries to find a way to start. The photo of her and Ben is laying on top of what you realize is her uniform inside the box and she smiles down at the photo, just a little twitch at the corner of her lips.
"I met Ben when I was twenty three years old." She begins taking a sip from the glass. "Legend 'discovered' me. I had the injection of Compound V maybe two years before that, not when I was born, but I hadn't gotten popular. Other powers were much more flashy and by then there were so many heroes coming out of the woodwork that someone with the ability to see the future didn't seem as marketable."
There's something reflected in her blue eyes, the same eyes your father had, that you can't place. "I had just moved to New York, I had no money, and the way I was getting it was by pretending to be a fortune teller and betting on some sports events on the side. It wasn't hard to prove that I could see the future, the past was more difficult, but Legend somehow stumbled into my shop and figured out that I was a supe. And he didn't think I was too bad looking so he helped me get big."
"You pretended to be a fortune teller?"
She snorts into her glass. "Mhmm. People really will believe anything if they're desperate enough and back then there was so much turmoil going on with Russia that people were scared and wanted to feel comforted. My job provided some of that."
"But why did you walk away from it if you were such a big hero." You ask. "Everyone knew your name, you were-"
Your grandmother raises an eyebrow at you and you fall silent so she can continue. "When I got onto Payback that's when everything exploded for me, the films, the commercials, the ridiculous ads." She sighs. "That's also when I met Ben."
You take a sip from the glass in front of you, sputtering slightly. It was stronger than you were expecting. "And you two were-"
Please don't say dating, please don't say dating, please don't say…
"Friends. Just friends." Diana sits back against the back of the breakfast nook, sinking into the navy blue pillows. "But he is almost as charming now as he was then."
You cringe at the thought of Ben coming on to a younger version of your grandmother.
She taps her glass with her index finger deep in thought. "But I think that I was the only person that Ben actually talked to, the only person that he was comfortable being around."
"What do you mean?" You ask confused. "Didn't he talk to Countess and to Legend?"
Her expression hardens at the mention of Countess's name. "He didn't talk to her the way he talked to me. Ben is difficult, he always has been and I think that most of the people he meet him write him off as this asshole with a chauvinistic look on the world, but he's not. At least, not all the time. There are so many people that he's met that are never willing to take a chance on him. To trust that there is really something beneath all of that bravado."
It was what you had been thinking for the past week, that there was more to Ben than he was willing to let people see, but you were slowly realizing that Ben was letting you see those parts. In the quiet moments at your shared apartment when he sat with you while you read or made you laugh or walked you to and from work you saw another side of Ben that you never saw when he was around anyone else. The guilt rises again when you think of how you ran from him, how you turned your back and left him standing there to clean up your mess.
I shouldn’t have done that, but it was all just so overwhelming and I didn't want to talk to anyone.
"I think that Ben is the most loyal friend I ever had. No one ever seems to believe me when I say that. That we were just friends, but nothing happened between us."
"You didn't date? Or sleep together?" You ask cautiously. It was difficult to imagine Ben being friends with a woman and not having a sexual relationship with her.
Well. We're friends, but that's different.
The last thing you wanted to think about was Ben and your grandmother having sex.
I would need so much therapy after that. You sigh. Yeah, because after all the shit I've been through and found out about my life in the last twenty hours, the knowledge that Ben fucked my grandmother is what's going to push me over the edge.
"No." She shakes her head with a small smile. "About a week after I met Ben, I was running late to a movie shoot and I stepped off the crosswalk without looking. There was a car coming and I didn't see it. Ironic isn't it?" She laughs at herself. "I can see the future and I didn't see a car coming, but your grandfather did and he grabbed the back of my jacket and yanked me onto the sidewalk, saved my life. And the second my eyes locked with his I saw our future. I saw our wedding, our first house, I saw our son take his first steps and I saw how much I would love him and how much he would love me." She clears her throat for a minute, her fingers tighten on the glass, and her gaze drops to the wedding ring on her left hand. “The future is never set in stone, it’s fluid. It morphs and shapes with your decisions, but in the future I saw, I was so happy. And I didn’t want to lose that.”
Your grandfather had passed a few years ago, but you knew it weighed on her everyday. She had spent the week after he died in her room not saying anything to anyone. And sometimes she'd look out the window into the backyard with an odd expression, but you knew that meant she was thinking of him.
Growing up you'd seen how in love the two of them were, more so than your parents. Seen the flowers your grandfather always brought home just because he was thinking of her, watched him do little things around the house without being asked, saw how they never walked away angry from one another, and seen the soppy expression he'd get when he watched your grandmother move around the kitchen baking with a grace that you'd never possessed.
You reach across the table to touch her hand and she takes it gratefully.
"I didn't want to tell him that I was a supe, and at the beginning I thought I could balance it all, but then Ben started dating Countess." She takes another sip from her glass. "She hated me."
"What? Why?" You ask. The creature crawls across the table to sniff at the glass in front of you, before it snorts and falls into your lap, curling into a ball.
"Countess was a bitch." Your grandmother says mirthlessly, her expression hardening. "She wanted to possess Ben completely. Only loved how famous he was, how popular it made her, and he threw himself at her feet, in his own way, not understanding that love didn’t look that way. He’s never had a good example of it in his life. And she never understood that Ben and I were just friends. By then I had been dating your grandfather for a few months and things were getting serious. It was about a year before everything that happened in Nicaragua."
She presses her lips together as if remembering what happened to Ben there. "She was jealous, possessive, and she came to me one night. Ben was out of town for a film so she knew we wouldn’t be interrupted. She threatened to tell your grandfather who I really was and threatened to kill him.” Her jaw sets. “My powers were never really as offensive as hers were. And she said that Ben wouldn’t ever protect me over her because he loved her and would do anything to make her happy. So I left and I never looked back.”
And here I thought I couldn't hate Countess any more than I did for what she did to Ben.
“You didn’t talk to him ever again?” You wonder out loud.
She left without telling him goodbye?
“There was the occasional phone call. Sometimes Ben would ask me to see who was going to win a ball game or something so he could make a few bucks. He stopped by to say hi a few times because he was in the neighborhood. One time he brought your father a baseball glove that was way too big for a one year old.” She snorts, the memory flashing in her eyes. “I always thought Ben would be a good dad some day. But I think seeing your father was when Ben realized how much he wanted to have kids. And I think seeing the way your grandfather treated me made him start to feel conflicted about Countess. But he respected that I walked away, he saw that I was happy.”
“But what about Nicaragua?"
A dark look crosses her face followed by something that looks suspiciously like guilt. “I saw what they were going to do to him.”
“What? But why didn't you tell him what they were planning? Why didn't you-"
"I tried." She snaps, shoulders tense, but then they drop. "I called Ben, but Stan answered. By then your father was turning two, your grandfather had opened up his practice, and Stan threatened me, he knew where we were and knew everything about us. So I kept my mouth shut and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
You could feel your heart breaking for her.
Ben was her best friend and she had to sit by and watch them do that to him. She saw what they were going to do and they were going to kill her for it, kill my family for it.
The anger that surges in your chest makes the creature in your lap stir and grow a few inches, but you tamp it down before it gets bigger than a small dog.
“Does Ben know?” You ask her to distract yourself.
You didn't want Ben to hate your grandmother for this, didn't want him to hate her for something that wasn't her fault.
She nods. “Yes. I told him everything.”
“When?”
“The moment I saw him in your hospital room. I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I wasn't expecting him to be there, but it all poured out of me. I was so surprised to see him there. I hadn't seen a future where he came back."
“Was he mad?”
I mean… he didn't seem mad when I woke up, not to mention he was upset when she left to come back to Illinois.
“Not at me.” She shakes her head. “He knew how much I wanted a normal life and how much I loved your grandfather. He doesn’t blame me for any of it.”
“Good. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
The glass in front of you is still more than half-full but you don't want to risk another sip of what you're sure is gasoline packaged to look like Scotch. Your grandmother reaches to pour herself another glass.
“I didn’t want to until you were ready.”
“And when would that be?”
Your grandmother shrugs. “Maybe on my deathbed.”
You weren't angry for her not telling you, more surprised, but now that you knew everything about her it was hard to see her the same way you had.
You snort. “And no one knew?”
“Your dad figured it out.”
“How? When?”
“The moment you made that strawberry plant grow from your high chair.” She shakes her head with a smile. “It skipped a generation. Don’t know why, but you got it all somehow.”
“I was never injected?”
“No. That was a lie your father created. He knew that your grandfather didn't know and he knew that I didn't want your grandfather to know."
“Darren thought I was.”
“I know.”
At the mention of your brother's name, you watch her expression harden and she takes another swig from the glass in front of her, not flinching as the liquid goes down her throat.
“Did you see everything that happened?” You ask in a small voice.
You still weren't 100% sure how it was her powers worked, but you figured that she was able to see some of what Darren did and what he said.
“Yes.”
“You heard everything Darren said?"
“Yes.”
You chew the inside of your cheek for a minute hoping that she didn't take it as hard as you did. “Did you know that he killed them?”
“No.” She breathes, rolling the glass between her hands for a moment. “The night they died, I got a vision a few minutes before the car ran off the road. I was the one who called the police and who told them where to look, but I never saw that it was Darren or that it was anyone causing the accident. All I saw was the three of you in the car. I should have known.” Her voice breaks.
“It’s not your fault.” You squeeze her hand.
“And it’s not yours either.” She squeezes your hand back.
The memories are beginning to float up from the recesses of your mind and your teeth clench together as you try to keep them at bay.
“I know.” You breathe. The memory of the ruined shop flashes through your head. “I didn’t know that I could do something like that.” You gently touch your healed right arm and glance at the creature that is nibbling on the edge of the cardboard box with its sharp splinter-like teeth. “I feel so different and I don’t know how to go back to the way I was.”
“I don’t think you ever will.”
"Really?"
The thought was unwelcome. You were hoping that all of this was going to blow over, but you knew it wouldn't. Your powers had changed. There was an energy that thrummed in your veins now, stretching out of the house to the plants that grew in the garden. You could feel them all if you concentrated.
She frowns. “When you told me that you were working for Butcher I was worried about you getting involved in the supe world. I didn’t want that life for you, didn’t want you to suffer the way I did-“
“Was it really that bad?"
“Not all the time, just at the end. But I think that’s why I loved your grandfather so much. Because he was different than all the supes. He was down to earth, not just normal but-“ She shrugs. “I think Compound V does something to our minds, makes them more susceptible and when you’re surrounded by people using their powers and thinking that they’re gods it’s easy to lose who you are. I was glad I left when I did."
“Great." You huff, thinking about how your powers had grown exponentially since you killed your brother. It was scaring you to think that you would reach a point where you acted like Homelander, where you saw yourself as a god and killed anyone who stood in your way.
As tired as the stereotype of you only being able to make the flowers grow, you liked doing that. You liked healing plants, tending to them, and helping them grow. For you it had never been about using your powers the way that you had to kill Elijah and your brother and had always been about spreading a little more joy and love like your grandmother did with her kindness in her community.
Your mind flashes back to the first night that Ben stayed with you in your apartment and he'd asked you why you worked for Butcher and told you that he thought you "didn't fit."
Before you hadn't. You knew that. You weren't intimidating to look at or fueled by revenge or had a bone to pick with supes. You'd joined because you thought it was the right thing to do and because you wanted to be closer with Annie. She had been so involved in the supe world and you'd felt like you were losing your best friend. When in reality being at "Please Don't Die" was the only thing that felt natural for you.
You could feel yourself changing and you weren't sure that you wanted to and you weren't sure if you were changing for the better. Deep down you still felt like you, despite everything Darren had revealed, but your powers were greater than you'd thought they could be.
“No.” She squeezes your hand pulling you out of your head. “I don’t see you losing yourself in this.”
“You’ve seen-“ Your eyes widen.
“The future yeah.” Her lips twitch up at the ends in a smile. “It is what I do.”
“That’s so weird.”
You hadn't meant to say it, but you really didn't want to know too much about your future.
Well, not all that much. Maybe just a little.
“You of all people have no right to judge what’s weird. Not with Godzilla sitting in your lap.”
"Godzilla" yawns, flashing a mouthful of his pointy teeth, before settling back down on your thighs.
You smile for the first time in twenty hours, but then it drops. “I don’t like losing control. I thought I knew who I was but now I don’t-“ The emotions were bubbling up again, chest tightening, and lungs beginning to gasp for air. “I don’t know who I am anymore or what I am or what I can do and-“
“There’s nothing wrong with not being in control.”
“But what if I hurt someone? What if I kill-“ You body shakes as you think about all the important people in your life, Annie, Hughie, Butcher, Kimiko, MM, Frenchie- and then your mind stutters on Ben.
“Your powers are growing and there’s nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. If you’re afraid of them it won’t get easier for you. You have to embrace the fear to see the lights that line the path through it.”
"I killed Darren, I killed Elijah-"
"Not because you lost control. You did it because you were protecting yourself and protecting your friends."
"But-"
"Who is it that you're scared of hurting? Annie?" Her expression turns sympathetic. "Annie is a supe and understands what it's like to lose control. None of us are in control all the time and it's ridiculous to believe that you won't lose control at least once."
Your throat clenches tightly, because when she asked the question you didn't see Annie's face, you saw Ben's. You knew that it was probably ridiculous to worry about hurting a guy with a nuclear reactor stuffed in his chest or a guy who'd been through every torture known to man, but you were. And you weren't entirely sure if you meant hurting him with just your powers.
Tears crest and fall down your cheeks as you sit there, throat thickening. "I don't want to hurt Ben."
"He's a little more indestructible than us sweetie." She cracks a smile, but you can't smile back and you don't answer because you're unsure how to.
She sits back against the breakfast nook and sighs, examining your face and slowly realizes what you mean. "Ben is complicated. He always has been. I like to think that most of it, is his father's fault. Has he told you anything about him?"
You shake your head.
"He was a dick. Made Ben think that he was a disappointment his whole life. I don't think that Ben has had someone love him unconditionally since his mother died. And loving Countess only made it worse for him. Her love was jealous, possessive, and I don't think that he's really come to terms with what real love should look like." She lets out a breath, tapping her index finger against the glass. "I never saw him as more than a friend, but I do love him. It's not a crime to love him."
"I don't love him." You say it immediately.
"Why not?"
"What?" You sputter. "I don't know what you're-"
"Tell me why you don't love him." Your grandma says methodically, as if she's trying to talk you through it.
"Because I-" The pressure was back in the back of your throat and you couldn't quite meet her eye. "Because-" You scramble for the answer, trying your darndest to keep your heart from clenching in your chest. "I want what you and grandpa had, what Annie and Hughie have, and what my parents had. A strong relationship with someone who sees all my flaws, the little parts, and the darkness and still choses to fall in love with me anyway. I don't want just one night I want every night. I want something real and Ben has said countless times that he-"
"So you've talked about it with Ben?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Only because he kept trying to sleep with me and I told him that I didn't want to have sex with him." You reply exasperated.
"You don't?"
"Gran!"
"What? He's attractive."
"It doesn't matter. None of it does. Because Ben has said that he doesn't have relationships, that he doesn't care about feelings, or emotions." Saying the words that Ben had told you countless times made something inside begin to shrivel up and die. "And I do. And I don't want to manipulate him into being something he's not or force him into a relationship that's doomed from the beginning. Ben is Ben. He's not changing or-"
"He has." She interrupts.
"What?"
"The Ben I saw in your hospital room is not the one I knew." She says it so matter of fact that makes it hard to breathe. "And neither was the one that I saw in your apartment when I stayed with you. I mean he is in essence Ben, but-"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"He is changing. Not completely, but he's acting differently than when he was with Countess. I mean, I saw all the things he did for her. The way he was around her."
"Why does that matter?"
"Because he loved her."
The words make your heart seize in your chest. "Ben doesn't love me. He's my roommate and my friend-" It was the same thing that you kept telling yourself on repeat to beat back the other feelings that you hadn't quite identified yet. "And he's told me that he doesn't want a relationship and that I should try to meet other people."
That last part was a lie, but you honestly didn't know where she was going with this conversation or why it was getting so hard to breathe.
"Have you thought that maybe Ben doesn't want to love you because he's scared?"
"He doesn't love me and Ben isn't afraid of anything."
"He is. It might not look the same way on him as it does on everyone else, but if you pay close enough attention you can catch it." She hesitates. "And I think if you pay attention to you, you'll see what it is that you're afraid of too."
What does she mean? What the hell am I afraid of? Ben isn't afraid of anything, he's practically shouted that from the mountaintops like Julie Andrews.
"I already told you what I'm afraid of."
"I'm not talking about you hurting someone honey. There's something else that you refuse to admit to yourself because you're scared." She smiles sadly at you. "You should though, because when you embrace it, what comes after is really beautiful." There's a far off look in her eyes and you realize that she'd seen something further ahead that she wasn't letting on.
"And it's all I want for you. To be happy." Your grandmother stands from the other side of the booth "I think you need some rest. You drove all night long and I doubt you got any sleep. And I have to package all of these before Annie's mother calls down the four horsemen of the Apocalypse on me."
"Wait-"
"Please sweetie." She lays her hand down on your arm. "I think you'll feel a little better about all of this when you've had some rest." Her fingers raise to push back some of the hair that's fallen forward into your eyes. "Hmm?"
You didn't want to rest, you wanted to talk about this, but you knew better than to argue with her. Not to mention she was right, you hadn't slept.
"And when you wake up I'll make your favorite for dinner, alright?" She smiles, but there's something behind it that you can't place.
"Okay."
And this time you don't argue with her. You go up the worn staircase that you have your entire life and collapse onto your bed, wondering exactly what it was she saw your future hold, and what it is that you won't admit to yourself.
Soldier Boy POV
There was no light in the apartment save from the burning red tip of Ben's blunt and the bluish glow emanating from the tv that caught the dips and sharp edges of his face. But it was nothing more than background noise.
His hand absentmindedly stroked along Bean's back, his eyes focused on the ceiling above the couch. He hadn't moved in hours. It had been over twenty four hours since everything that happened at the plant shop, since you'd summoned a creature from the depths of the store, since Darren had thrown Ben through the plate glass windows of the bakery, and since Ben had last seen you.
He didn't understand why you hadn't let him take you back to the apartment and why it was that you had to leave. Ben hadn't liked the feeling that stabbed him in the chest when you turned your back on him and ran away. He'd felt the urge to comfort you the way he'd watched Hughie do for Annie in the car a week ago, but you hadn't let him.
Instead all he'd done is stood there and watched you run, still covered in dust, rubble, and blood. Worse was you hadn't let him check you for injuries and Ben hated the thought that you were hurt somewhere and he didn't know where you were.
You were so much more fragile than he was. He was realizing that more every day, was acutely aware of it after everything that happened with Elijah. Honestly, sitting there in the hospital with you laying there asleep with nothing that he could do, but wait for you to wake up had been agony. Not to mention that looking at the bruises around your throat, over your eye, and the bright green cast only made him feel worse. He'd never felt so helpless in his entire life and he hated it. Because Ben wasn't some helpless damsel in distress, he was a man and a man shouldn't wait on anyone or feel out of control, or at least, that's what he told himself.
Ben hears someone walk down the hallway outside the apartment and he perks up to listen, hoping that it's you finally coming home. Ben's mind stutters on the word "home." He'd lived many places in his life, apartments that felt more like way-stations, and the drafty cold mansion back in Philadelphia where he grew up, but neither felt like home. And although he hated how small your apartment was, it was the first place that Ben liked living in. He was starting to understand the word home.
But the feet keep moving past the apartment and Ben sinks into the couch cushions. Even Bean seems to be disappointed. "It's alright buddy." Ben mutters. "She'll come back."
But he wasn't sure.
Ben also wasn't used to feeling this way. It was close to the way that he felt when he went to Boston and was sitting in that damn hotel room waiting for something to happen and he still didn't understand what it meant. He didn't understand why he couldn't stand it that you weren't back yet. It made him feel like a woman waiting for her husband to get home from work when he told her that he was "running late." He'd tried to distract himself by looking at some possible prospects on Tinder, but just like the week after you'd come home from the hospital and just like the date he had in Boston, no one held any appeal.
His mind was awake and roaming around, pacing back and forth. The blunt was supposed to help, but it hadn't.
His phone chirps and Ben picks it up to look at the screen, but it's not you, it's Jake.
Jake: I know that I'm not your favorite person, but thank you for what you did.
Ben huffs and turns his phone face down on the couch once more. "What a fucking pussy."
When you left Ben had realized that Jake was still inside the building and as much as he wanted race after you, he understood that you'd be even more upset if you'd killed Jake. So Ben had tromped back through the building and found him trapped beneath some rubble. Jake was okay, just unconscious, but Ben had carried him out and put him on the sidewalk before he high tailed it out of there. The last thing that he wanted was to be caught with a shredded body outside a ruined building.
I didn't do it for him. I did it for her. Ben thinks to himself, looking down at the text message.
As much as he hated the thought of saving your future boyfriend, he didn't want to see what it did to you if you found out that you killed Jake, so he'd done it to avoid watching you cry again.
Ben didn't understand why he hated watching you cry.
Women cry. They're damn emotional all the time. He tries to reason with himself taking a puff from the blunt pinched between his thumb and forefinger. And she fucking cries way too much.
The image of you crying outside of the shop in the wake of everything that happened pricks something under his ribcage. Fuck.
Ben didn't feel remorse for what happened, well, the only thing he regretted was not getting there sooner and getting to fuck Darren up himself. When Diana had called him to tell him that Darren was coming, Ben had practically ripped the apartment door off in his haste to get back to you. He hadn’t wanted to leave you at the plant shop, but Butcher had told Ben, that he had a possible location for Darren, but it came up empty and Ben had been at Butcher's apartment chewing him out for sending him on a fucking wild goose chase.
It only made Ben more angry to allow Darren to speak to you, but he was trying to let you handle it even though he wanted to handle him. But it had brought him an unholy amount of joy to throw Darren in front of that minivan and to watch that creature tear him apart while the final whitish blue pulses of electricity jumped and crackled down the street making the streetlights shower sparks everywhere.
But Ben was more upset that Darren had been able to land a few hits on you before you killed him.
Ben remembered the giant lizard that crawled out of what was left of "Please Don't Die" and felt his lips quirk up into a smile. As much as he hated the entire situation, Ben couldn't help but feel a little surge of pride at what you'd done to your brother. He'd never seen you look so powerful standing there in the street, your eyes glowing a brilliant green, arms outstretched, and the ground trembling around you as the world begged to be unleashed.
Of course he'd been just as surprised as you were at the fact that you'd healed your broken arm. He wasn't sure if you'd noticed it yet, but you looked different too. There weren't as many lines on your face and your hair was more springy, the few silver hairs that Ben had noticed in passing were no longer there.
He wasn't sure what that meant, but there was something that felt suspiciously like hope tingling in his stomach, hope that you weren't as fragile anymore and hope that it meant you wouldn't die.
When Diana had told Ben that her husband had died, he saw the pain in her eyes when she said it, saw her relieving the memory, and for some reason as soon as she said that he was dead, the first thing Ben thought about was you. Ben hadn't considered his inability to age as much in the past, hadn't cared about outliving anyone before. Seeing Countess as an older woman had made him more aware of it. Looking at the woman who he once thought he loved, had showed him what that was like. Not that he had a problem with daring older women, Ben always thought that women really did get better with age, but it was what came next that Ben wasn't fond of.
And for some reason thinking that one day he'd wake up and see the marks of age on your face or one day he'd wake up and he wouldn't be able to annoy you or hear you yell at him made his chest tight.
Ben takes another hit of his blunt. The longer he sat there the more then unnatural feeling stirred in the pit of his stomach, thrumming through his veins, the feeling that he was trying to avoid. He thought that the joint would calm him down, but he found himself jumping at every creak and footstep in the apartment building, perking up each time and hoping that it was you coming home.
He didn't know where you were. You hadn't answered any of his texts or calls and Ben was ashamed at how many times that he had tried to call you.
Get a fucking grip. He'd thought to himself when he typed out another text message to send you, stopping himself from sending it.
But he'd been so desperate to hear from you that he'd actually gone to talk to Annie who seemed upset that she couldn't get ahold of you either. When Hughie and Annie had seen how upset Ben had been, Hughie had laid his hand on Ben's arm and told him not to worry. Ben had yelled at him that he "wasn't fucking worried and to mind his own business" and had shaken off Hughie's comforting hand before stomping out of the shared apartment.
No one else seemed to be as concerned about finding you. Butcher, MM, and Frenchie were all deeply involved in trying to figure out the cover-up for what happened outside the plant shop. By some miracle no one had caught a picture of your face, but there was little they could do about Darren's body that had been strewn across the street. Annie was having to deal with the repercussions at work, trying to handle what the news was calling a "super villain threat."
Personally, Ben thought that since they froze Homelander, the Seven looked weak and Ben believed that the superhero team that represented America shouldn't look weak. Of course before Ben had also thought that they looked like a bunch of pussies and again felt himself sink deeper into the couch when he thought about what his supposed son had become.
He shakes off the feelings he has about it and his thoughts turn back inevitably to you.
Ben wasn't used to thinking about someone as much as he thought of you, but each time he settled back into the apartment and you weren't there he was hyperaware of how quiet it was.
Maybe I should call Diana. She might know where she is.
As soon as Ben thinks that, his phone begins to ring, but Ben doesn't bother to look at who it is before he answers it.
"Hello?" Ben huffs out a breath of smoke that hangs in the air in front of his face, catching in the bluish light coming from the television.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The voice on the other side of the line yells at him.
"Di?"
"Yes it's me. Who did you think it was? Santa Clause?" Your grandmother snarks.
"Why are you calling me and why the fuck are you so mad? What did I do?" Ben answers slightly annoyed.
As much as you got under his skin, your grandmother had been the same way. He actually thought that it was amusing that even before he figured out that she was your grandmother that he had often compared you to her in his mind. You had the same mannerisms, the same defiant and stubborn attitude that drove Ben up the wall, and you were just as beautiful as she was.
Ben was okay with admitting that he was attracted to you. To him that felt normal, it was the other feelings that he was conflicted about, the ones that he'd never felt before stirring in his chest that made him feel "too emotional" and "woman-like."
Truthfully, Ben was sure that if your grandmother had given him a shot that maybe he would have felt that way about her too. She was the only person that Ben actually trusted in the 80's, the only person that was brave enough to call him out on all his shit. You did that now. But he liked her husband also, so Ben was content with letting her go. He liked how happy that Henry, your grandfather, had made her. He knew that she wasn't happy as a supe and seeing her so happy and in love made Ben feel something that was close to happiness.
And it was seeing the way the two of them were together made Ben wonder if what he had with Countess was the same thing. Because he did have feelings about her that were different, but each time he went to visit Diana and saw your father playing on her lap he felt that there was something missing in his life.
It was the same way that he thought something was missing when you weren't in the apartment, but Ben hadn't realized that yet.
"Because I don't understand what the hell you're doing!" Diana replies and Ben honestly doesn't know why she's angry with him.
"About what?"
"My granddaughter."
Ben sits up the blunt in his fingertips forgotten. "Is she there with you?"
"Yes." Her voice softens for a moment.
Ben relaxes and leans back onto the couch, sighing in relief. "Good. That's good." Relief swelled in his chest when he thought about you staying with her, safe.
That's what she meant when she said that she wanted to go home. Home is with her grandmother. Ben stopped the next thought before he could go there.
The thought that home wasn't with him.
Ben was trying not to think about that or think about you hating him. He didn't think you did, well, didn't think you did anymore. At first it really was touch and go, but now he was almost eighty percent sure after you'd told him more than once that you weren't afraid of him and didn’t hate him that you sometimes wanted him around.
"No, not good."
"What do you mean? Is she okay?" Ben's grip on the phone tightens so hard that he's sure that he hears the screen cracking.
"No."
"What happened?" Ben's voice is a growl, the feelings of relief evaporating as soon as they had begun to bloom in his chest. He mentally calculated how long it would take him to get to you.
"Her entire life fucking fell apart and where are you? Not here!"
Oh. Ben relaxed a little bit.
"I don't need to be there." He says on an exhale of smoke.
"Yes you do!" Diana presses.
"No, I don't. She a big girl she doesn't need me there, she's-" Ben takes a puff from the joint.
“If you were any denser you’d be a Bundt cake Benjamin!” She says exasperated.
"What the fuck are you talking about doll? I am not-"
“Let me guess." She interrupts and Ben can imagine her tapping her foot. He hated when she did that. "You’re moping around smoking a blunt on the couch probably with a glass of something that you're hoping to numb whatever the hell it is you're feeling."
Ben's eyes shift to the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table that he hadn't touched in a few minutes.
“I’m not fucking moping and stop spying on me!” He snaps back at Diana.
He hated how well she knew him. She was his best friend in the 80's through all the shit, she had seen him at his worst and at his best too many times to count.
“I don’t have to use my powers to know what you’re doing. I know you Ben.”
"Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart.” Ben grits his teeth, temper flaring hot. “But if you know me as well as you fucking say you do then you then you know that this is-“
“You avoiding your feelings by acting aloof and brooding like a fucked up version of Mr. Darcy.” She interrupts.
She certainly hasn't changed.
“I am not avoiding-“
“She needs you here Ben.” Diana stamps her foot, the same way you do when Ben pisses you off, and Ben can hear it.
“She doesn’t need me! She said that she wanted to go home, that she didn’t want to be here with me! I tried to-“ Ben shouts back standing up. It was the exact thing that he'd been thinking for the past twenty four hours, that you didn’t need him and that you didn't want to be any where near him.
That last thought made an uncomfortable sensation prickle in his gut when he thought it, because all it did was remind him of how you acted when the two of you first met, when you didn't want him to live with you and tried your darndest to make him go away.
He didn’t want to and he wasn't sure why that was.
“Try harder.” Diana interrupts him again and frankly it was pissing him off.
Ben clenches his jaw. “I think that you’ve confused me with someone else baby.”
“Don’t you 'baby' me Benjamin! We both know that you’re doing what you always do when things get hard for you.”
“And what’s that?”
“You pretend not to care and shut out everyone who tries to care for you. Not to mention you drown yourself in drugs, booze, and women.”
“She doesn’t care about me!” He spits.
“She does!” Diana snaps back. “And believe it or not she needs you here and she wants you here.”
"But-"
"Ben please." It was the first time that he'd heard Diana sound softer and almost pleading since the conversation started. "Don't do this to her. She's worth more than Countess and all those other women you've fallen into bed with."
"Do you really think I don't know that?" He roars. The answer surprises himself. "Do you think I don't know that she's different?"
Wait what?
"If you know that, then why aren't you here?"
He hesitates.
Everything you said to him the night of the party comes roaring back. You looking beautiful in a dress that made his throat tight, and you telling him that you just wanted to be friends and that you understood that he wasn't the type of guy to have relationships. He didn't understand why it stung a bit when you said that, but it had.
Ben thinks about the week that the two of you spent together after Diana went home, when he tried his best to take care of you, distract you from everything that happened with his movies, and would sit with you and try to make you laugh. He'd never wanted to take care of someone before.
Not to mention he kind of liked the way you laughed. He wouldn’t admit that to anyone, but each time you did, it made him want to laugh too. That had never happened to him before. But he wanted to make you laugh to forget everything that happened with Elijah. His fist clenches when he thinks of exactly what Elijah tried to do to you and it makes him feel so mad that he feels close to spontaneously combusting. Ben might not be the best role model when it came to women, but he couldn’t imagine the type of man who would force himself on someone else.
It had made him angry when he thought that you were suggesting that he would try something when he first moved in, because he wasn't that type of man.
Ben was trying to be better for you. He wasn't admitting that, but he really was trying to be better. He didn't understand why. You'd told him countless times that you didn’t want to be with him, that you wanted to be with someone else like Jake.
Ben frowns when he thinks about the man he'd pulled from the rubble of the shop. And again thinks to himself that you should be with someone different, someone who was a supe and could understand you. Ben had seen how difficult it was for Diana when she was keeping her supe life a secret from your grandfather and he didn't want you to have to do that with someone.
"Because I'm not-" Ben begins to say, but he holds his tongue. It was too honest, too raw, too unlike him to admit this to anyone.
Because I'm not this guy. Because I'm not the one she wants. Because I'm not some knight on a white horse. Because she's everything right with the world and I'm just a fucking asshole who sleeps on her couch.
"Ben." Diana breathes and he can practically hear her pinching the bridge of her nose. "In all the years I've known you, you've never done what you did for her with anyone else. You carried her out of that warehouse, you stayed with her in the hospital even after she woke up, you took care of her when she came home, you protected her from Darren. You can't ignore all those things."
"I'm not ignoring them. She's my friend." The word sours in his mouth as he says it. "And she would have done the same thing for me." He knew it was true.
She's a good person and she wouldn't let me chase her away if any of that shit happened to me and I told her to leave me alone.
"Yes she would. Because she cares about you." Diana sighs.
"She doesn't."
"Why don't you believe me?"
"Because she's told me what she wants!" Ben shouts so loudly he can feel the room shaking. "She wants to be friends-“
"Because she doesn't think that you want a relationship you nitwit!"
"I don't." Ben spits the words before he can stop them, but as he does something tightens at the base of his throat.
"How is it that it's been forty fucking years and you're still able to dance on the grave of my last nerve?"
Ben chuckles. "I missed you too sweetheart."
She sighs into the phone again making it crackle in Ben's ear. "She needs you.” Diana repeats. “And I think you need her too.”
His temper was flaring again, the thoughts that his father pressed into him surging up before he can stop the words. “I don’t need anyone. I’m Sol-“
“If you say that you’re Soldier Boy, I’m going to reach through this phone and slap you silly.” She snaps. “And you do need her, but you’re still just too stubborn to admit it.”
“I-“
“Ben I know that everything that happened with Countess was fucked up, but my granddaughter she-“ Diana pauses before she changes the thought. “You say that you know she’s different, but right now you’re treating her the same way you treat all those other women.”
“I’m not-“
“My granddaughter has decided you’re important to her and once that’s happened it’s hard to make her let go. You saw the way she was with Darren and that guy was a manipulative asshole. Imagine what she thinks of you.”
“I-“
“Stop making excuses!”
“You didn’t even hear what I was going to say!” Ben shouts.
“And I don’t need to! Think what you want Ben but if you’d stop acting so stubborn and so ridiculously blind to what’s right in front of you. I promise that what comes next is worth the risk.”
“Don’t go all fucking mystical on me doll.”
“And don’t go all macho- no feelings asshole on me! So stop being so damn stubborn, get on a plane and get your ass here.” She retorts. “Don’t fuck this up Benjamin because if you do I’ll fuck you up.”
The line goes dead.
Ben sat there for a minute in the silence still holding the phone up to his ear, listening to what your grandmother said to him ring around in his head for a second.
No one ever spoke to him that way. In fact, Ben had never allowed anyone to speak to him the way that she did, well, not until you came along. You reminded him so much of her that it was astounding and he wasn't going to admit that maybe it's why he liked being around you so much.
Ben frowns at what Diana said, thinking about the unusual feelings that were swirling in the pit of his stomach. He felt wrong and the feelings were odd for him. He hadn't felt anything remotely like this ever in his life, not even for Countess.
And although Ben refused to be afraid of anything, the feelings he was having scared him. He didn’t understand and he wasn't sure that he wanted to. He wasn't sure that he wanted to see where this ended up. He felt like he was in too deep.
As much as he wanted to go to you like Diana ordered him to, he wasn't sure that he should. Something was holding him back, digging it's heels in and refusing to budge.
But why do I feel like-
His phone rings and he doesn't look at the caller ID when he picks up, expecting it to be Diana again, yelling at him.
"Di I-"
But it's not Diana.
"Hello Ben. It's nice to hear your voice again." The familiar voice says, sounding calm and collected.
"What the fuck do you want?" Ben snarls.
"I thought it was time the two of us had a chat.”
A/N: At this point Diana is really just trying to give both Ben and the reader the kick in the pants they need. And yes I know another cliffhanger, but you know you love it. 🤭😉 We are quickly reaching the end of this series, but that means the confession scene is coming and I am so excited about it!!
As always thank you so much for reading! Reblogs, likes, and comments are not required, but are always appreciated. I love hearing what y'all think! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know. 😊
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Down by the riverside: Young!Agatha Harkness x fem!reader
Masterlist
Summary: Back in the 1600´s you live with your parents in the forest, near Agatha’s coven. You always go to the river down your house to feel a little bit of peace from all the yelling and the abuse of your parents, you think you´re alone until one day you see Agatha on the other side of the river looking at you and since that day, she keeps coming to look for you.
You fall for her and she falls for you, she worries when one day you don’t arrive at your special place, so she goes to look for you, ready to save you from your parents.
Would you run away with her?
I wrote this while listening to the song Riverside by Agnes Obel
Words: 5k+
Warnings: Family issues, abusive parents, angst but with a happy ending.
Author´s notes: This was one of the first stories I wrote three years ago, I had posted them on Tumblr on my old account, but due to my mental health, I had to take a break from Tumblr and the toxicity and hate that had suddenly increased, I deleted all of my stories and my old account, now I have decided to upload them again here on Tumblr and also on Ao3.
Again, as this was one of the first stories I wrote for Agatha Harkness is a little bit short, I will be uploading the rest of the stories from time to time, I have to edit them and make sure they are legible enough and with not a lot of grammatical errors.
I hope you like it!
If you enjoy, could you comment, like or reblog? it would help a lot really ♥️
Taglist: @midnight-lestrange @eliscannotdance
Down by the river by the boats
Where everybody goes to be alone
One good thing about living far away from people was that you could spend a lot of time outside your house and no one would bother you, it was nice to be alone, sometimes you just needed time for yourself and sometimes it was nice to just cry alone with no one watching your tears falling from your face.
Being alone for you, was something you were used to, but sometimes you just wish you wouldn’t be so alone, or at least not at all.
At home you always had the feeling that someone was watching you, even when you were sitting on the floor of your room, hugging your legs to your chest and hiding your head in your arms, you felt judged inside your own home, and it was a horrible feeling, you just wanted to feel some type of peace.
The only way and time when you could go outside your house was when your mother and you father would argue and yell at each other, their screams would make them forget about you and during those times you would be free just for some hours, but, at the end of the day you would end up going back to the same place that held all of your worst fears and an unbearable pain.
In your free hours out of your prison, you would go to the beautiful river down your house, the sound of the streaming water hitting against the rocks it was a soothing sound that helped you to feel calm in the hardest moments, touching the wet grass and feeling the harsh surface of the rocks made you feel attached to earth, it made you feel as if you belong somewhere on earth, it had a calming effect, resting your feet under the clear water relaxed you, feeling the cold water running through your skin while you sat on a small flat rock against a tall tree, the same spot you always went to soothe yourself.
When you where there, feeling the cool breeze of air against your face made you felt alive again.
Where you won’t see any rising sun
Down to the river we will run
Living in a small cottage in the forest with just your mother and your father was something that people would think of as living peacefully, but oh how you wished you could live in peace, hearing their screams against each other and the sound of glass braking, no matter what is was, it could be a small glass that your mother had thrown to your father or the sound a window being broken by your angry father, it was always loud and you would never get used to the harsh sound coming from the living room.
Your house was hidden in the depths of the forest, surrounded by many tall trees and it was covered in a slight mist that appeared from time to time in the evenings and that would vanish right when the sun came again, but no matter if the sun rose, for you it was always dark and cold, the was no warm in there, and it was what you craved the most, to feel the heat of a hug, but that never came, you only received cold stares and harsh and painful words that cut like daggers on your skin.
The forest hid so many secrets that no one would ever know, wishing you could leave, but where would you go?
When by the water we drink to the dregs
Look at the stones on the riverbed
Holding your aching face, being careful not to touch the small cut lip on your lower lip, you came again to the riverside to try to calm yourself, wishing you could just vanish, you just wanted the pain to stop, your parents say they loved you, but was that true?
Today the water was calm, there was no movement in it, you could see the bottom of it full of grey rocks and you could see your own reflection and the ones of the trees in the water.
You were so immersed into your own thoughts until you noticed a different reflection in the water on the other side of the small river, you were surprised no one had ever come here, you were the only one who would come, so quickly you wiped away your tears with the back of your hand and you lifted your head to look at the person, you were about to run but you stopped.
In front of you there was a girl, she was looking at you with concern in her eyes and you didn’t understand why.
You were staring at her, she was beautiful, she was standing on the other side of the river, her long messy hair was so pretty to look at and in her hands she was holding a book, when you looked straight into her eyes she smiled at you and her action made you blush so you quickly looked down at the water again, trying to hide your blushing face from her curious yes.
You thought she would leave at any moment but she never left, instead she sat on the grass and with a last glance towards you she started to read her book.
I can tell from your eyes
You’ve never been by the riverside
You were curious about her, you had lived in the cottage in the forest since you had memory and since you started to come to the riverside you had never seen her, you didn’t know where she lived or where she came from, the only thing you were sure about was that she knew where she was, she didn’t seem as if she was lost.
You glanced over her from time to time, you couldn’t help yourself, you were curious about her, you wanted to talk to her but at the same time you were afraid, so you just decided to stay quiet.
She noticed your glances and tried to act as if not but she thought you were cute at trying to hide that you were looking at her.
She lifted her head to look at you and this time you exchanged looks with her, you could feel your face becoming hotter, the girl in front of you just smiled and her eyes squinted with joy, you wanted to look away but you felt drawn by her piercing blue eyes, and this time you didn’t look away, she smiled at you again, this made you smile this time you waved your hand shyly at her, she closed her book and put it on her lap, you tilted you’re head a little to your side and she giggled.
The girl in front of you kept staring at you and it was as if she was analyzing you, you could see her eyes moving a little and you couldn’t tell where she was looking at, was she looking your hair? Or was she looking at the forming bruise on your cheek? You quickly tried to cover it by putting your hand over it, you saw her frowning a little.
���Are you alright?” She asked you and again you tried to hide your head in your hands
“I´m alright” It was almost like a whisper but still she heard your words, she tilted her head a little to have a better look of your face
“Who hurt you?” She had seen the cut in your lip too and you really didn’t know what to say, so you just stared at the water, watching some bright orange fishes passing by, the girl in front of you knew you were not going to talk about what had happened so she decided to stop asking you about it.
“I´m Agatha by the way” Her name was really pretty, you liked it, she was being really kind to you so you decided to tell her your name
“I´m y/n” You looked at her to see her expression and she was smiling at you
“You have a beautiful name” You wanted to say something else but you heard some screams from far away, you knew they belonged to your mother and you knew you had to go back to your house, quicky you gave her a half smile and you stood up from your spot to run towards the cabin.
You didn’t see her sad expression when you left in such a rush, she just hoped she would see you again.
Down by the water the riverbed
Somebody calls you somebody says
You couldn’t leave your house for some days because your mother kept asking you to do many things, you didn’t even have a good time of sleep, you barely slept and still you had to keep going, you didn’t want your mother to be angrier at you, so you just did what she told you to do.
You tried to do everything she asked you to do in a rush because the urge to go back to the riverside again to look for Agatha was huge, you wanted to look at her one more time, the feeling was too strong, she had captivated you and you just had seen her one time.
When you were finally free to leave your house, you went back to the river, it had been raining a lot and the grass was wet, you could even see the tiny raindrops falling from the leaves of the trees.
Arriving to the river you looked for Agatha, hoping that she would be near the other side, sitting on the grass with her book in her hands, walking a little further by the riverside you tried to have a better sight of your surroundings, some bushes covering the place and feeling disappointed you sat on the same place as always.
Maybe you were not going to see her again, maybe it had been pure luck that she found you that day and maybe you would never be going to see her again, if that was the case at least you were grateful that you felt something different from the usual pain in your heart.
“Y/n” You were surprised because you heard her voice again, you lifted your head in a hasty way and you couldn’t help but smile
“I thought I would never see you again” After thinking what you had just blurted out, you bit your lip, oh god, why did you have to say that without thinking first?
When Agatha saw your blushing face, she giggled and she never took her eyes out of you.
“I thought the same, but I kept coming here hoping you would come back, and I’m happy I did it because now you’re here” Your heart melted at her words, you couldn’t understand how she made you feel this way and you were really surprised that she kept looking for you as well, it was nice to know that someone wanted to see you.
“Can I sit here to make you company?” Agatha asked with her finger pointing at the same spot she sat the first time you saw her, you nodded and she took her place.
You liked that she let you know she was there with you; she could be reading but sometimes she would lift her head to give you a smile.
"I thought nobody lived in this part of the forest”
She said after thirty minutes of silence, she stopped reading to look at you.
“I thought the same, I’ve been coming here for years and I never saw you”
“That’s because I never came near the river, I wandered around but never came closer” You were curious about why she decided to come closer?
“I saw you, and I was curious, so I came here but when I walked closer, I heard a faint agitated breathing that was when I saw you were crying” She said with a concerned look on her face, you didn’t know what to say so you just kept looking at her
“You have a beautiful smile y/n" You couldn’t hide your smile, she made you feel happy
“You have a beautiful smile too and your eyes are really pretty Agatha” This time you saw her blushing but she didn’t look away
“Do you live with your parents?” She asked from her spot and at the mention of your parents your smiled vanished, you really wish she hadn’t brought that topic up.
“Yes, I live with them” You said almost whispering while looking down again at the water
“What about you?” This time you spoke a little bit louder
“I live with my sisters and my mother” You couldn’t see the grimace on her face because quickly it changed into a grin
“Would you mind if I go there with you?” You quickly raised your head, did she wanted to cross the river to be near you? You shook your head and you saw how she stood up from her sitting place and she started to walk towards you, stepping on the rocks that peeked above the water.
Agatha was excited, she wanted to be a little bit closer to you, you had intrigued her and she realized you were shy but that didn’t matter to her, she would talk for the both of you.
When Agatha was closer in front of you, she stretched her hand for you to take it and you did it, after that she sat next to you and her hand didn’t leave yours, she even caressed the back of your hand with her thumb.
“Your hands are so soft” You bit your lip and you noticed how her eyes squinted a little when she smiled, now you had a better reason to keep coming here, now you were not going to be alone anymore.
Swim with the current and float away
Down by the river every day
The next day you came to the same place but only to find that she was already sitting next to your sitting spot, at first you felt a little shy, she was sitting so close to you that sometimes you were afraid she would hear your beating heart.
After some days of just enjoying each other’s company you built the courage to put your head on her shoulder while she was entertained reading her book.
Agatha bit her lower lip in excitement, you were now giving some steps and she felt happy that you had rested your head on her shoulder, so she closed her book and left it on the grass by her side, then she rested her head on top of yours while her hand took your left hand and she intertwined her fingers with your fingers.
For the first time in your life, you felt inner peace, you felt safe by her side, and you wish you could feel like this all the time.
Agatha holding your hand was just one of the many first things she started to do.
The days seemed brighter with her, you didn’t feel so cold all the time, you didn’t need words with her, it was like if she understood every single part of you, like if she knew how you felt, if sometimes you didn’t want to talk she would just hold your hand caressing it with her thumb while you rested your heard on her chest and she was happy that little by little you started to open up to her.
“Could you read out loud?” You asked her one day, sitting under a tall tree in a different spot a little farther from the river.
“Sure, I will read out loud, only if you tell me why” Of course you thought, and she grinned when you started to blush furiously.
“It´s just, I think- I really like your voice Agatha” Agatha´s heart melted and she came closer to you bringing her hand to the side of your face and she brushed off a strand of your hair.
“I really like your voice too, doll” And that was the first time she had called you like that, and you loved it, it made you feel good and Agatha loved calling you like that.
You were happy with her, and no matter what happened back in your “home” whenever you were with her by your side you would forget for some hours the horrors in your house, she made you feel alive.
Agatha knew there was something going on with you, since the first time she saw you crying in the riverside she knew there was something wrong, someone was hurting you, Agatha wanted to take all the pain away from you, she hated seeing you hurting, and what made her anger was that some days you would arrive with bruises on your wrists, she wanted to ask you what was going on, but whenever she asked you would always tell her you were alright, she didn’t believe you and she was worried sick but she didn’t want to pressure you.
Oh my god I see how everything is torn in the river deep
And I don’t know why I go the way
Down by the riverside
You knew your parents didn’t love each other anymore, and they were angry all the time, they would take their anger out on you when the other wasn’t at home, you couldn’t do anything more than just sat in silence and hear all the screams directed at you, why would this have to be this way?
That day when you escaped your prison without your mother knowing you had gone outside; you quickly went to look for Agatha down the river.
Agatha heard your footsteps and she turned herself to look at you with a glowing smile, but her smile immediately vanished off her face when she noticed you were crying, she quickly tossed her book to the side to stand up and she rushed to catch you in her arms.
“What´s wrong doll? What happened?” Agatha asked you, the worry was evident in her voice.
“My mother, she´s always yelling at me, she doesn’t love me, why?” Agatha felt some tears threatening to fall from the corner of her eyes, she hated to see you hurt, and the worst part was that she didn’t know how to answer your question, she didn’t know either, but what she knew for sure was that you deserved everything.
Agatha stroke your back with one of her hands and with her other hand she caressed the back of your neck while she said sweet things to your ear.
When you calmed bit, you removed yourself a little from her you didn’t take off your arms from her shoulders and you felt Agatha´s hand resting on your waist.
“I love you, and no matter what I will be here with you and I promise I will protect you” You felt the tears coming back again, but this time they were happy tears, you felt loved for the first time in your life, her words were sincere.
“She´s the one who hurt you?” Agatha asked you again and you looked down to the ground, you felt ashamed of it.
Agatha softly took your chin with one of her hands and she lifted your face so she could look at you.
“You do not need to feel ashamed or bad for this, this is not your fault love, they don´t deserve you, and you don´t deserve to be treated the way they treat you, let me show you how real love can feel” You were crying again and this time Agatha wiped your tears away with her fingers, she stroked your cheek in a way you had never being touched, she was gentle, she was sweet and you could feel every part of you being loved like nobody had done it before.
Without thinking twice, you leant into her and you pressed your lips against hers, she gladly kissed you, this would be the first kiss of many you would share in the future, she was sure of it.
Agatha pressed one of her hands on your waist, pulling you closer to her and you grabbed her softly by her collar shirt, she kissed you softly, in a loving way that it was amazing, you could feel the sadness being washed away, the pain had been replaced, now you felt hopeful, hopeful that she would never leave you and that she would always love you just as much as you loved her.
Breaking the kiss, you smiled back at her and Agatha saw a light in your eyes she hadn’t seen before.
“I love you too Agatha” You trusted her, you felt safe in her arms, you were grateful for meeting her, now you couldn’t see yourself without her.
That day you laid on the soft grass with her, she never dropped your hand, she taught you the name of the plants and the trees that lived in the surroundings, she told you the name of the little insects that you two looked in awe, her hand coming to your hair to stroke it and in response you left soft pecks on her lips, she felt happy, her heart was full of love for you, she just wanted to make sure you were fine, and she would do whatever she could to protect you.
She didn’t want to leave your side,
When that old river runs past your eyes
To wash off the dirt on the riverside
Agatha became worried when one day you didn’t arrive to your special place, at first, she thought you had just been a little late but when minutes turned to hours, she became worried sick, it was not normal for you to be this late, she felt something was wrong, she could tell something had happened to you, she could sense it and she feared the worst.
She needed to find you as fast as possible and she knew how to do it.
Closing her eyes she focused on you, on your face on your essence and when she finally saw fragments of the way you always went to go back to your house, her heart broke when she saw you lying on your bed, your father had hit you, and you were so weak that you couldn’t stand up.
Agatha felt furious, how could your father do this to you? Your house was not so far away so she would be arriving quickly.
She started to walk through the thick forest, the fog had started to come down and she thought that it was thicker that some other days, she could barely see a thing, but she wouldn’t give up.
After some minutes she visualized a small cottage not so far away and she sensed you, she could sense you and she was happy she could feel you this way, it was a rare connection that almost no one could reach with their loved ones, and she knew it.
I walk to the borders on my own
Fall in the water just like a stone
You were scared your father hadn’t beat you up as bad as he had done it, you just had wanted to go by the river to be with Agatha but he didn’t let you, he had come home drunk and even you tried to run away from his tight grasp on your arm you couldn’t.
Your mother had told him you were constantly going out and that you stayed outside home for hours, he demanded to know where you had been going and you just told him that you went down to the riverside, but he didn’t believe you.
Now you were lying on your bed with a black eye and a big cut on your lip, you were sure you had many bruises in different parts of your body but you were too tired to look at yourself.
You just wanted to be held by Agatha while she reassured you that everything would be alight.
Chilled to the marrow in them bones
Why do I go here alone?
Agatha used her magic to open the door, slamming it against the wooden walls.
The loud sound startled you and woke your father up, in the process he took his gun, ready to attack whoever had entered into his house.
“What are you doing here witch?” Your eyes widened, what was he talking about?
“You do not scare me with your pathetic gun, you are nothing” That voice belonged to your girlfriend Agatha and now you were scared for her, what was she doing here? You were afraid your father could hurt her so you tried to stand up from your bed and even though every part of you hurt you didn’t care; Agatha was everything on your mind right now.
“I won´t ask again, what are you doing here?” You were already behind him and you flinched at his scream, but Agatha didn’t seem to be scare, she was standing in front of him with a challenging look on her face, she looked angry, you had never seen her act this way, since the first day you met her and through all the months you had been with her, you had never saw her so angry, her eyes were glowing purple there was no trace of the baby blue color her eyes always had.
“You hurt y/n and I won´t let you do it again” You felt happy she had come for you, to save you and you couldn’t be happier, Agatha was here for you and that was what it mattered.
Your father laughed and he pointed his gun to Agatha, he was about to pull the trigger and you feared the worst, you screamed when he pulled the trigger, the bullet was going to hit Agatha.
Before you could tell what had happened, you father was lift up in the air, purple magic all over him and he was throw to the wall, he hit it with a thud and his body fell limp onto the ground.
You were shocked what had just happened? Did Agatha do it?
“y/n”? You turned your head to look at Agatha, you could tell she was scared, but you didn’t know of what, she slowly walked towards you as if she was scared of your reaction, but she was scared that you could reject her, she had just used her powers in front of you and she thought the worst, she thought that what you had seen would made you run away from her.
You threw yourself into her arms, sobbing, but you were happy she had come for you.
“I´m sorry I was not here to protect you from him, I´m so sorry my love” She was crying, she couldn’t stop the tears coming from her eyes.
“You do not have to be sorry, It´s ok, now you´re here, and you saved me, you really did it, don´t blame you please, what happed was not your fault” You said to her while caressing her cheek with one of your hands.
Now that she looked at you better, she felt so bad, he had hurt you a lot, he had hurt your beautiful face and she knew you were in pain.
“Let me help you, I can help you to ease the pain” You smiled at her and you nodded, Agatha pressed her forehead against yours and her fingers pressed slightly the side of your temple.
You saw how her eyes started to change from blur to purple and you were amazed, she was a witch but you didn’t feel afraid you felt safe with her.
You felt slight tickles and you couldn’t help but giggle a little, this made Agatha smile to, her magic was helping you to ease the pain and to heal a little your bruises and cuts.
When she stopped you didn’t feel the same pain, now it was bearable and you hugged her.
“Thank you so much” You whispered in her ear and you felt how she pulled you closer to her, feeling your form against hers, she loved you much and she would never let anything happened to you again.
“I won´t let anyone touch you again, no one will ever hurt you again, not if I´m here with you” She said to you with such a strong passion and you knew she was telling the truth
“Run away with me, we can leave this place, no one would ever hurt you again, I will make sure of that, we can start again somewhere else, would you like that?” You were excited so you kissed her, she captured your lips and before she could keep kissing you, you pushed her slightly so you would be able to look at her properly.
“I would love to run away with you, I want to be with you for the rest of my life, you make me feel safe, and I know that if am with you, nothing bad would ever happen to me, you´re the best that could happen to me, I love you” Agatha started to cry with a smile on her face, she was biting her lip, she couldn’t be happier, she had found you and she felt you were her home just as you felt the same about her, this would be a new start for the both of you, far away from this forest that held so many secrets, this time you were going to be free, no more pain, no more sadness, just pure joy and happiness.
“Let´s go, we can leave now, no one would ever bother us, we will be happy y/n” You nodded and with a last kiss she intertwined your fingers with hers, both of you started to walk outside what now would be your former home, you were walking away from a bad chapter in order to enter to a better one, a new beautiful chapter in your life.
You walked side by side with Agatha, never dropping your hand, you arrived at the same river you had met, this would be the only thing you would miss from here, the beautiful river where you and Agatha had met, you looked at Agatha and she drag your hand to her lips to kiss the back of your hand, she smiled at you and this time, you crossed the river together, she helped to cross it never letting your hand go, she held you strongly so that you wouldn’t fall, and when you had crossed the river you hugged her again and she dropped a kiss on your forehead, the two of you gave one last look to the river in which you had met, with one last look at the place you were grateful for bringing Agatha into your life, you took a deep breath and started to walk away with Agatha towards your new life.
#agatha harkness#agatha harkness imagine#agatha harkness x fem!reader#agatha harkness x reader#mcu imagine#mcu x reader#wandavision#agatha all along#agatha x reader#agatha harkness x you
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Hey! Can I get a Thorin x f!reader where the company doesn’t believe in her because of her size and the fact that she’s a woman and then she totally kicks ass and doesn’t care what they think. And he totally regrets ever doubting her? Fluff ending if you can please!!
You Saved Me
Thorin x Warrior!reader
WC: ~3k
warnings: violence, death, it's essentially a botfa re-write so...
a/n: thank you for the request, this was entirely written in a burst of passion at midnight so if they're are any typos I'm sorry, let me know and I'll fix them <3
You were a feared warrior, one with skills you’d been honing since you could walk. Your parents had been killed by an orc pack when you were but a baby and you were taken in by the rangers who found you crying by the bodies of your loved ones. Almost a year ago you were sent a letter by that blasted grey wizard, an invitation, or maybe a plea you weren't sure anymore. Join a company of dwarves on their quest, and keep them safe. That is all he asked of you.
You had tried, you really had tried to keep them safe but when those blasted dwarves took one look at you and decided that there wasn't any possible way you knew anything about fighting, it became difficult. You had several moments where all you wanted to do was clobber them over the head, but you refrained.
The whole journey was wrought with their endless need to remind you that you were a woman, a bigger one at that. They must’ve thought you hadn’t noticed or something of that nature, for surely they wouldn’t keep bringing it up if not to hurt you on purpose. They never forgot to tell you how much they thought you were soft, incapable, fragile.
You’d shown them time and time again that this wasn't the case, incapacitating two of the trolls when they were all tied up in sacks ready to be cooked for dinner. You were defending Ori when you were discovered by the warg scouts before your arrival at Rivendell. You were the first to join ranks and fend off the hundreds of bloodthirsty goblins in Goblin-town. Not to mention how you risked your life for Thorin’s when Azog attacked. You had run in with no weapon, just pure adrenaline and a need to save your leader.Not that you would ever tell him that. Tell any of them that.
Thorin was certainly one of a kind. He was undoubtedly cold, it was his nature, he had lost too much in too short a time to be willing to open himself up to others. Especially when the ‘others’ consisted of a woman ranger he hadn’t wanted on the quest in the first place. You understood though, you too had lost too much.
You wouldn't say that he warmed up to you, but it didn’t seem like he hated you as much as he did in the beginning. You had even caught him smiling once or twice when you cuffed Fili and Kili over the head at their cheeky remarks about your size.
Over and over again you’ve defended these idiotic men, and yet nothing changed, they still had no faith. Most of them treated you horribly not that you think they noticed. It was hard to ignore their callousness when it came to you, especially compared to the warmth they shared with one another. There were several nights when their words became too much and you had to stray from camp in order to let the tears fall out of sight. But you had promised Gandalf that you would protect them, and if that meant staying even when it was obvious you weren't wanted, then that is what you’d do.
It wasn’t until Thorin, overtaken with his dragon sickness had cast you out that you had finally decided you were done. Done with dwarves, done with being underestimated and belittled at every moment.
“You will never be good enough, you are a burden to all those around you, a burden I no longer wish to be saddled with!” He had yelled from his position on the ramparts as you descended from the same rope that the hobbit had used just moments before.
Thorin had never been cruel, aloof maybe, but never cruel. You knew deep down that it was his addled mind that allowed this cruelty to spew from his mouth. Thorin may not have known you loved him, but you had thought the two of you had reached a sort of understanding, a mutual bond forged by the danger you’d overcome together. Apparently not.
You joined Gandalf’s side as he spoke to Thorin. You bit your tongue to stop yourself from yelling back at the King Under the Mountain. It wasn't until you heard Thorin’s reply that you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore.
“I will have war!” He yelled.
“You will have death!” You had screamed back “You will have death for you and your kin if you do not stop this foolishness Oakenshield!” With that, you turned and headed back towards the gates of Dale. If there really was to be a war you would be needed, to protect those who could not protect themselves.
You heard the horns of war in the distance and shook your head. Foolish dwarves doing foolish things. You kept running towards Dale hoping to be of some use.
Arriving at the old armory, you pulled out an old steel sword, one dating back to before the fall of the city. It wasn’t as good as the eleven blades that the elves of Mirkwood confiscated when you were captured, but it was well-balanced. The hilt was wrapped in old black leather, well worn and rough against your skin.
You didn’t have time to sift for a better weapon, so you took the sword and ran. Bursting out onto the street your eyes scanned for danger. You took in all the rubble, some new and some old from the dragon attack years ago. The screaming of a group of people made you cease your reminiscing and run towards them.
Taking down several enemies as you run, you finally round the corner into the main square. Landing your sight on Bain, Sigrid, and Tilda. Bain doing his very best to defend his sisters. You run forward without hesitation and trade blows with the monster in front of you, taking him down in no time at all.
“Are you all alright?” You ask rushing towards the girls and helping them down from the cart they had used as a hiding spot.
“We’re fine ma’am” Tilda responds in a shaky voice
“You all were very brave, but now it's time to head to the hall where everyone else is. Take cover, the battlefield is not safe for children I assure you.”
“But-” Bain had cut in.
“No, Bain, I know what your Da has asked of you but I’m telling you to take cover.”
He hesitated but nodded and took his sisters towards the main hall where the rest of the women and children were hiding.
You continue to take down the orcs and their armies as you run toward the main battlefield.
“Y/N! Y/N!” You hear your name being called, rotating quickly your eyes fall on the hobbit who had become very dear to you over the course of the Journey.
“Bilbo, are you hurt? What’s wrong?” You rushed out
“No. No, I’m fine it’s Thorin.”
“Thorin? What’s happened with Thorin where is he?” Your questioning picked up in intensity.
“The Pale Orc is atop Ravenhill, and Thorin, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili have all gone to kill him.” The Hobbit responded just as rushed.
Without another word, you grab the back of the Hobbit’s coat and drag him behind you. Your eyes quickly scan the horizon, taking inventory of anything that could get you to the top of the Mountain quickly. You spot Lord Dain, on his royal ram, and make a plan in your head.
Hobbit still in your grasp you sprint across the field towards the Dwarf Lord,
“Lord Dain! I need your ram.”
“W-What?!” He sputters.
“I am not asking.” You huff out a frustrated breath and use the hand not currently gripping your friend to shove the dwarf off of his steed, quickly taking his place and beginning your trek to the mountain. Sending a quick prayer to whatever being there might be to keep your love safe. Just long enough for you to kill him yourself.
Once you are sure he won’t fall off you let go of your hold on Bilbo and scan the ground flying past you for any more weapons you could use.
Seeing a discarded elven bow and quiver ahead of you, you steer the ram towards it and scoop it off the ground and into your grasp. Five Arrows, you’ll have to use them wisely, but it’s better than nothing.
You look towards Ravenhill, watching as the dwarves you have reluctantly come to care for dismount their own steed. Pushing your heels into the sides of your own ram you pray to any gods out there that you’ll make it in time.
You meet a few obstacles on your journey, the occasional orc arrow to be deflected, and even a troll who had fallen right in front of you. Nevertheless, in no time at all you reach the peak and search for the men you came to aid.
You only see Thorin and Dwalin as they fight their way through hordes of creatures of the dark. You leap into the fray and call out to the two warriors
“Where are the princes?”
“They’ve gone to search the structure.”
A yell coming from the tower quickly puts that thought to rest. You slash down the last monster before you quickly shift to see a sight that you’ll have a hard time forgetting. The pale orc holds Fili in his grasp. You immediately grasp your bow and nock an arrow.
The pale orc is too absorbed in his victory speech to notice you pulling back the string. With a deep breath, you let an arrow loose and send a quick prayer that it hits its target. Not a second later you hear a deep grunt and see that your aim is true. The arrow lodged itself deep into the meat of the arm holding the dwarf prince. He drops Fili in surprise and your eyes widen in fear. However, it is short-lived as Fili pulls a dagger out of nowhere and wedges into the stone of the tower, slowing his descent.
Four arrows left.
Azog staggers back and he catches himself on the wall behind him. His eyes find yours and you try not to shudder at the rage within him. This is a benefit you tell yourself. An angry enemy is a distracted enemy. His rage will be his downfall, you’ll make sure of it.
Fili lets go of the dagger and drops the rest of the distance, landing on his feet and quickly running to your side. Moments later, Kili runs from the tower and practically lunges for his brother.
“You idiot Fee.” The brother's embrace is hard and you’re a little worried they’ll suffocate each other. Eventually, Kili lets go and turns to you, “Thank you. And I’m sorry.”
“No need for apologies Kili. Gandalf asked me to protect you, and that’s what I’ve done.”
“Still, I underestimated you, I won’t do it again.” You nod at the prince and clap a hand on his shoulder.
“I have to go help your uncle, don’t follow me, and whatever you do don’t split up. You’re stronger together.”
“Aye.” They both reply and send a single nod your way.
You clutch your bow and scan your surroundings, a trail of black blood and a broken arrow stem point the way to the Pale Orc’s location.
“Fili, you wouldn’t happen to have an extra dagger would you?” You turn and ask. He smirks and opens his coat.
“Take your pick Lass.”
After grabbing two matching daggers from Fili you begin jogging towards the frozen waterfall. You are single-minded in your task, ignoring the shouts of battle from below and the wails of the dying. You cannot let yourself get distracted. Distraction means death and you can’t help anyone when you’re dead.
You come upon a scene that you’d only ever had nightmares about. Thorin and Azog facing off on a barren plane. Neither is holding back and you force yourself to push past the terror that grips your heart. As you run towards your king you begin releasing arrows one after the other.
Four. Three. Two. One. None.
Each arrow pierces the flesh of the monster pushing him back and back. Blow after blow sends him staggering and gives Thorin the advantage. He swings his sword and slashes at the beast. But Azog does not fall.
He yells. He stands and he starts returning blows. They are sloppy, his mace has no aim. It doesn’t need to, the force he puts behind it means he really only has to land one blow.
You can’t run fast enough to cover the distance, especially not on the ice. Nevertheless, you keep pushing. Your legs burn and so do your lungs but you keep going. You race against time and fate to reach the dwarf you love.
Thorin falls. The orc closes in. You run.
And run, and run, and run.
You don’t notice the battle cry that rips from your body, but the orc does.
He looks up and a sneer crosses his face.
You get closer.
You pull your daggers.
The orc stands.
You take a running jump.
Azog runs.
You smile.
This is foolish. You understand that, not even you as skilled as you are could take down a beast such as this. But you’ll try because you made two promises. One to Gandalf, that you would keep the company safe. And another to yourself, that if you survived this you would stop being afraid, you would tell Thorin you love him and…
Your daggers land in the Pale Orc’s shoulder blades. You hold on for dear life. His roar of pain nearly deafens you but you hold on still. Ripping one blade from his body you jab it at his neck. He grabs the back of your coat and pulls you away, you scratch him but nothing more. He lifts you into the air and looks into your eyes. The rage is still there, along with smugness, bloodlust, curiosity, and then - shock. His grip loosens and you fall to the ground.
You scramble away from him, grasping the ice with shaking hands. You stand and turn. Azog is still, frozen in time. Except now, there is a sword piercing his chest. Right where his heart should be, protrudes a sword you know very well.
Azog grips the blade and looks at you, then falls. He doesn’t get up.
Behind him stands Thorin, looking mightier than you’ve ever seen him. His hair is a mess and there is blood on his face and hands. Yet he’s never looked better. You run towards him and throw yourself into his arms. A laugh escapes you and you let yourself feel for a moment. Feel grateful, and scared and everything you’ve been holding back for the past few days.
Thorin’s grip on you is strong and you can feel the tremor in his hands as he guides them up and down your back.
“You saved me.” His deep timber pulls you from your thoughts. “Why?”
“I made a promise to Gan-”
“No, you fulfilled your pledge to the Wizard the moment we made it to the mountain, yet you stayed. Why?” Thorin pulls his chest away from yours and attempts to catch your gaze with his.
“Is this really the time?” You ask.
“When else?” He cocks his head to the side.
“Perhaps after the battle is over?” You fully pull away from him then.
Thorin pauses, perhaps like you, he had briefly forgotten the battle warring on below you in a moment of joy. But he nods to you and walks back toward the lifeless body of your foe. He rips his sword out of the body. He flips Azog onto his back so his lifeless eyes gaze emptily at the sky. Thorin turns to you, “Perhaps you should look away.” he addresses you.
You simply raise an eyebrow at him. He nods and grasps the sword firmly. From one moment to the next Thorin separates Azog’s head from his body. He takes hold of it and walks towards the edge of the frozen lake, which looks out onto the field below.
He lets out a mighty shout and hoists the fallen orc’s head into the air. Shrieks echo from below and the enemy begins to retreat.
You’ve won.
Thorin drops his head and turns to face you, a rare smile graces his face and for the first time since you met him, it truly seems like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders, for at least a moment.
It takes you three seconds to get in front of him, one second to grab ahold of his head, and another to kiss him. Five seconds, five seconds of bravery that you will probably never be able to muster again.
Thorin kisses you back with fervor, gripping you as through he thought you might fade away. Eventually, the need for air separates you.
“That is why I saved you,” you whisper into the space between you, “because a life without you in it is one I do not wish to bear.”
“You’ll never have to.” is his reply before his mouth is on you again. Where the first kiss was full of passion, a burst of adrenaline between two people. This one is slow, like Thorin is savoring the moment like he is trying to memorize what it is like to have you. The moment is bliss, it's everything you wanted and thought you couldn’t have.
And then it is ruined. A sharp whistle and laugh from across the lake separates the two of you once more. You turn and see Fili and Kili, holding each other and worse for wear but alive and smiling which you’ll take as a win.
The boys make their way towards you, Thorin never releases his hold on your waist.
“Is it over?” Fili asks.
‘It is now.” Thorin responds.
“Now what?” Kili pops up. Scanning the area around him.
‘We live.” Is your simple reply. Like Kili, you take a moment to look around you. And you really like what you see.
#plus size reader#plus size!reader#fanfic#x reader#requests open#requests wanted#thorin oneshot#thorin and company#thorin x reader#thorin oakensheild x plus size reader#thorin oakenshield x reader#the hobbit thorin#thorin#thorin oakenshield#botfa au#the hobbit#the hobbit fanfiction#thank you for the request!
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I was stalking your blog when I saw some comments I can't find the answer for. Can I ask why you hate Celene? It's been a while since I played inquisition, but I remembered talk of her as fairly glowing. Is it the vague breakup with Briala? Is it that she's Orlesian (derogatory) and/or responsible for horrible stuff the state did, or what? Is it book stuff?
To be clear you have my sword either way but I'd like to know what we're fighting against (re: editing my worldstate).
her breakup with briala is significantly less vague in the book the masked empire, which covers a lot of celene, briala, and gaspard backstory
HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD: after promising briala could try to resolve an elven rebellion peacefully, when celene’s political reputation needed a rescue, celene set fire to the alienages of halamshiral, killing countless elves, and sparing only briala, who she had arrested by the chevaliers. of her plans for briala afterwards, she says: “It would have been a locked suite in the palace for a few years, nothing more! It would have changed nothing for us.” and then when briala says, okay fuck that, what about the people you burned, she adds something horrible about briala having the “luxury” to mourn while the poor empress who murdered the people in the first place doesn’t. at the very end of the book, briala also discovers that it was celene all along who had murdered her parents for political gain, and this happened when they were much younger, when celene was in the process of becoming empress, iirc. celene let briala serve her in all things, kill for her, risk life and limb for her vision of maybe letting an elf or two into orlais’ universities, wake her up every morning by pouring her a cup of tea and preparing her daily gown while celene lovingly reminisces about all the cruel things about briala having dark hair instead of blonde (read: about briala being a woman of colour) that celene herself used to say as a child before recognising the “value” of briala’s loyalty... and the whole time, she had murdered briala’s parents to get ahead. because she decreed it was worth it, for her vision of the empire
i really wish they had covered more of this during wicked eyes & wicked hearts, though i suppose in several ways it makes sense for the inquisitor not to be able to learn all of this. still, they diminish a lot to make the choices seem like roughly equal options, and to make reconciling briala and celene viable. (you’d think at least the alienage burnings would be public knowledge? iirc they really censor what briala can tell you to make it sound like a personal lovers’ spat and not what it is, or like the arrest was the main problem or something.) it does make me feel a little ill. thankfully, celene can still die!
anyway even in dai you’d think if she was as good an empress as they keep telling you she is, there wouldn’t be, you know... a civil war on? save yourself from assassination then if you’re soooo good at the game lmao. go on we’re all waiting
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Someone put a post (where they admit they straight up dont know these characters lol, and also spell damian as 'damien' so like. yknow.) in the tags saying that if you're a fan of Jon & Jay, you shouldn't buy super son. Well, as the crowned CEO of Jay & Jon, I'm here to tell you guys that you absolutely should.
Super Son did the amazing thing of hitting several marks that I predicted while still managing to surprise me in how they hit them. Which is high praise for any story: A great narrative should be able to both meet reasonable audience expectations (i.e, staying in character, setup payoff) WHILE STILL throwing in curveballs that tell you something new.
There's a lot I want to analyze and get into, namely how I think the rooftop conversation between Jon & Nia is really brilliantly done in what it says about both characters, but mainly I've been thinking a lot about how great those last few pages were and how I think Sina absolutely nails how Jon & Jay's specific issues interact with each other.
Jay's always been a blunt person. From their first meeting back in SOKE 2, hes said what he thinks, and rarely does he try and soften himself. More than that, his bluntness is often a shield from vulnerability, which Jay struggles with the whole scene. It makes total sense, after what hes experienced (re-traumatization at the hands of a friend) that he's displaying that trait again.
Jon, however, is immediately vulnerable. This is the most poignant confession of the issue: Not even in the amazing sequence of Nia helping him make a place in the darkness (look, its back, thanks isabel!) do we get this admission of fear.
And Jay, like always, embraces him. Sidenote, LOVE how they got in the thing Jon does where he's constantly tucking his face in people's shoulders during hugs.
But the moment ends, and we get here. First of all, cold af. I could feel the aura before I turned the page.
Second of all: Jay is totally valid in feeling this way. And it makes perfect sense that he would.
Sara was his everything. Getting her back was one of his main motivations in SOKE. Because of Nia's actions, she died horribly (do you know what happens to a person when they fall from that sort of height? I do. Its AWFUL.) for an unjust cause. Of course he's glad she can't hurt anyone else!
And that's when we get to my FAVORITE PART! Oh how I love this bit. Because like. You understand why Jon's angry- Its a harsh thing for Jay to say! Nia was the one who kept him sane while he was trapped in his own mind! But Jay, like always, is RIGHT: Jon DOESN'T get it. How could he?
Jon Kent will NEVER, ever, be put in this position. Out of universe, his parents are Clark Kent and Lois Lane. They'll ALWAYS come back. Hell, the fact they'll always come back is something Ma LITERALLY says to Jon in SOKE. He will never, ever have to know this pain.
In universe, Jon's a white american. Despite being queer, despite being an alien, he'll never know what its like to be this kind of collateral, delegated as pawns in a greater war for 'freedom'. That is what killed Sara at the end of the day: imperialism.
This next bit hurts my heart. Great job, guys!
For one: Jon claims he's not excusing the mistakes Nia made, but by downplaying it like this... yes he is. But did you catch that part? Right at the start of that bubble?
"I'm going to fight every day to make up for my own part in this."
That's where it clicked for me. Something I had been hoping for since Nicole first called them twin flames.
He's projecting.
Of COURSE he's defending Nia. Of COURSE he wants Jay to forgive her. It isn't just about the fact that she gave him support, it isn't just the dreams, its the fact that... well. If Jay can't forgive her... how could he EVER forgive HIM?
THIS is where the fact that Jon and Nia are so similar as character SINGS. They become mirrors to each other, evaluating their own self worth through the other, at the unintentional expense of the people they've hurt.
Jay's right, though. Again. Its almost like he's the embodiment of the truth or something. He doesn't HAVE to do anything.
When he starts crying though, I immediately was RUINED. This is the first time we have EVER seen him cry before during his entire existence of a character. And its not really even because his mom is dead (though yes, that) and its not even because of the argument. Its because Jay fundamentally wants to be understood, and he's not getting that.
Which is important for the next bit:
I want to first backtrack a bit to Son of Kal El again, specifically, issue fourteen, right here.
Hello, two-panel sequence that succinctly describes these two as characters. How convenient you are for me, a guy analyzing a work that isn't written prose.
Jon isn't good at letting go, for better or for worse. The things he cares about stay with him, and when something or someone tries to exit his life, he clings to them with all his might.
Jay however, both selflessly and selfishly, is willing to let go first if he thinks its better for the other person. To me this line so effortlessly summarizes who Jay is- he's a person who's accustomed to not having things, and will leave before it hurts and he gets too attached.
And that thought is ALL over this scene. Jay, who begins to let go, Jon, who both literally and physically CLINGS to jay, practically begging him to stay.
(Sidenote. This is like, the third time Jay mentions breaking up when Jon starts acting up. Good for you king, keep that white boy on his toes, let him know he ain't all that.)
Every little detail of this four panel sequence is killing me. "My worst nightmare is not having a home with you in it." His greatest desire. The thing that kept tipping him off in every fake reality Nia constructed for him- Jay's absence. Him wiping the tear of Jay's cheek. Jay walking away from him.
But what really gets me is how on this page, Jon talks about them as 'we', while Jay is firmly stuck in 'I.'
This is what made me LOSE MY MARBLES at three in the morning. Just utterly fucking off my rocker in a straightjacket talking to myself.
Because this is what JON wants. But is it what JAY wants?
Jon never asks.
What about what Jay fears? What about the life that HE wants? What if he doesn't want San Francisco? What if the life he wants is the life he HAD before everything went wrong? Jon outright says he wants a fresh start. But Jay, Jay's someone with such deep connections to what he just lost, what he likely WANTS to get back. His country. His mother. His sense of self. But. He says yes.
(Sidenote. FIRST I LOVE YOU WOOOOOOOOOO) To quote my buddy Dami: Oh, the drama of needing a future with someone who can't get over the past.
It is left unclear, by the end, whether or not Jay is saying yes to this because he genuinely wants to, or if he's only saying yes because he doesn't want to lose Jon, too. Jon doesn't stop to question whether or not Jay's only reaching after him because Jon's walking away. We, the audience, are left to ponder that for ourselves.
How much of Jay saying yes is him just accepting that this is the best he's going to get? That he's never going to be understood because nobody wants to understand?
He's an afterthought to Nia, an obstacle at best, and to Jon he's a particularly handsome prop in this little fantasy he has of running away and starting new. He's either not thought of at all, or when he is thought about, it's in the context of how he can emotionally fulfill the other person And you get why Jon did this. He's desperate, he's hurting, he just got tangible evidence that the time he has with the people he loves isn't ever guaranteed. He's been needing space from Clark and Lois for MONTHS because god knows they haven't been fulfilling his emotional needs. In a very real sense, Jay is who he has.
But wanting someone to stay with you so much that you'll... Not even ignore, but just not ever consider what they may want. The intentional isolation, moving halfway across the country away from all support systems. The need to cling to someone.
It reminds me of... something. Someone.
Don't tell Jon I made this comparison. He'll kill himself. Jon and Ultraman ARE similar. They're both such deeply lonely people who cling very tightly and even though it manifests in different ways and even though they have different core thoughts about it. The effect at the end of the day is the same, isn't it?
Is loving Jay not a brutal act of destruction?
There's so many more details about this story I love. Jon & Nia's conversation being vague enough that you have no idea how Jon meant what he told her but you KNOW how NIA took it (girl you can do better hes literally ugly!). Jon breaking a pillar by bonking his head against it (LMFAO). The pretty lies vs ugly truth dichotomy of Jay vs Nia here.
But this one scene, man. This one fucking scene takes the cake. STELLAR work all around. Every panel counts.
This better lead into a full Superman & Gossamer run or SOMETHING or I'm going to have WORDS with DC's editorial staff.
#jay nakamura#jon kent#jonathan samuel kent#gossamer#nia nal#jayjon#dc#wednesday spoilers#jonology#GOD THAT COMIC WAS SO GOOD
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When Heroes need protecting who will be there to protect them?
As I was re-reading chapter 429 this sentence ‘When Heroes need protecting who will be there to protect them?’ came up again and, like usual, it never failed to annoy me.
It’s of course a personal reaction and you might disagree, you might love it, but if it’s okay, I’d like to discuss a bit of why this sentence never fails to irk me for how redundant it feels. If you love it instead, feel free to skip this post.
Now, if I'm not wrong the manga started making this question around the end of the Paranormal Liberation War arc. Yes, it started making it in a time in which story also wonder what is a Hero, if it’s someone to whom people look up and count on or someone who suffers in silence.
Now… the whole ‘suffer in silence’ is tied to the Japanese idea that enduring is an heroic virtue, which is why it gets tossed into the discussion. Shouto is the family Hero because, according to Rei, he is the one who suffered the most among the Todorokis yet he endured it, he didn’t hate her (or Enji) and even called her ‘mom’, and now he’s making friends at U.A. high and saving his other family members.
No one else in the family could endure abuse like Shouto, Rei snapped, Enji fell prey to rage, Touya became a Villain, Natsuo hates his father as for Fuyumi… actually I would say she endured too but I guess Rei believed she didn’t suffer enough so she’s no hero.
Now that we got out of the way this Japanese concept, let’s go back to the original question. Who helps Heroes when they need protecting?
Let’s pick the most famous Hero ever, All Might.
Who helps him?
Let’s make a list.
We’ve Gran Torino, who not only fight at his side but is always willing to hear him out and to support him.
We’ve his sidekick, Nighteye, who not only helped him with paperwork but also wanted to protect him. Even when they parted ways because Nighteye disagreed with All Might, he continued to look out for him and it’s just All Might who avoided him.
We’ve the police, Tsukauchi is his best friend, he also does paperwork for him, support him, sits next to him when he’s in hospital.
We’ve the people at U.A. high, Nezu offers him a job, suggests him to search for a heir among his students, Recovery Girl heals him and counsel him on the best way to train Midoriya. When he’ll make friend with Eraser Head the latter will also sit next to him, hear him out, support him.
We’ve other Heroes, during his first battle against AFO even Enji came to help All might and tried to encourage him his own horrid way.
We’ve his protégée, Midoriya, who gets himself into deadly matches to save him, who, once he hears his fate might be to die horribly, wants to change said fate.
We've his students, it's Bakugou who will rush to save him when he fights AFO a second time.
We’ve the people he inspired, like Star and Stripe who challenges her own government to support him.
All Might often decides to suffer in silence but he’s surrounded by people wanting to help him. He doesn’t have to suffer in silence, they’re all around him, willing to help.
What about a less beloved hero like Endeavor?
He has his family who, despite having been abused by him, after Touya’s revelation still decides to support him.
We have his sidekicks who thinks the fact he worked hard as a Hero matters more than the fact he abused his family.
We’ve the other Heroes, like Hawks and Best Jeanist who decide to side with him and cooperate with him.
We’ve his driver, Kurumada-san, who remains loyal to him.
We've his interns, Midoriya will defend him when Touya will reveal the truth.
What about a Hero in training?
We see many of them have their own families to support them, Midoriya has Inko, Ochako has her parents.
They’ve their homeroom teacher, Eraser Head is always there to help them.
They’ve the Heroes they interned under, who’re there to support them (see Best Jeanist with Bakugou, Gran Torino with Midoriya, Nighteye with Togata, Fat Gum with Amajiki).
They’ve the rest of their class, as class A always support its members and class B seems to be the same.
They’ve the people they helped, Kouta and the giant woman were fast to support Midoriya.
They’ve other Heroes, who’re willing to help them.
Asui also seem to have a friend from middle school willing to support her.
The police also protected and supported them, when Shouto, Iida and Midoriya got themselves in trouble in Hosu the chief of the police went to them and protected them.
Long story short, for Heroes and Heroes in training there’s a huge support network.
Hell even someone who's just a student at U.A. high like Shinsou, who’s not in the Hero course gets helped out to reach the Hero course and is supported by his classmates.
And if they can’t really stand the situation… well, Heroes can decide to drop the job. They aren’t forced to remain in it. They gain a lot and if they saved said money they can just quit without problems, possibly without even needing to rush to find another job to support themselves.
Ultimately, in this manga, Heroes deciding to suffer in silence on their own isn’t something they’re forced to do, but their own choice, a choice that’s often thwarted by the people who care about them, as they're there to support them.
Honestly, the only Hero I can remember was left to suffer alone was Lady Nagant, and that’s because what she was doing wasn’t Heroic and so she couldn’t talk about it… and possibly she was kept isolated for that same reason by the Hero commission and denied the possibility to opt out.
All the other Heroes are shown to have a strong support network or the option to sign out.
Wondering who’ll save them when they DECIDE to bottle up their misery (as they’ve the option to share it) feels like a redundant question, not something I’ve to worry about because the story made beyond clear there’s plenty of people willing to save them.
For me, a more poignant question would have been ‘who’ll save Twice once he’s kicked out of his job?’
Not his family, not his colleagues, not the police, not the Heroes, not his boss. He was supposed to endure in silence the life of the homeless on his own.
‘Who’ll save Himiko when she can’t bear it any longer?’
Not her family, not her classmates, not the police, not the Heroes, not her teacher, not her crush. She was supposed to endure in silence the fact she had different urges from the rest of the people and kept it hidden.
‘Who’ll save Touya when he’s breaking?’
Not his family, not his Hero father, not the police, not his classmates, not his teacher. He was supposed to endure in silence how no one cared about him and his dreams.
‘Who’ll save Spinner when he’s targeted by racism?’
No one. He was just expected to endure in silence closed in his own room as the people in his city didn’t want him to get out of it.
‘Who’ll save Tenko when his father is abusing him? When he’s wandering through the city?’
Tenko’s family made an half backed and way too late effort to save him from Kotarou’s abuse, but for the most part Tenko was expected to endure. After they died he had no one and was expected to endure being homeless at five.
In short what I wanted the manga to ask me was:
‘When abused people need protecting, who will be there to protect them?’
For basically 429 chapters, Heroes focus on Villains, they wouldn’t protect someone who’s miserable for reasons that aren’t Villain related. They aren’t meant to save abused people unless they’re threatened by a Villain. It’s not their job and they don't wonder about it.
There’s no support network for people who’re abused, suffering in silence for them is not an option, it’s what they’re forced to do because no one cares. They can’t ‘opt out’ of that life, it’s all they have, they’re trapped.
So in the end they break, become the perfect targets for Villains like AFO, or decide to attack society as they start to see it as an enemy and turn into Villains… and ironically this gives them a support group in form of other Villains.
And once they’re Villains… all that Hero wants to do with them is to put them in jail.
Yes, in the very last chapters we see some kids are kind of changing the game.
Uraraka (who’s implied to be a special case) wanted to give Himiko her blood after she had put her in jail, and Midoriya (another special case) went to see Spinner to tell him Tomura’s last words and let him rage and mourn but that was it.
In the end the story doesn’t really address what to do with people once they turn Villains because they broke.
We’ve Uraraka making a support group for little kids in form of the Quirk counseling program and Shouji making a support group for Heteromorphs in form of him solving conflict peacefully, and it kind of implied that Midoriya’s example would turn common people into nice people that would now support each other… but the focus is on helping people BEFORE they’ll turn into Villains. The story never truly address a way to help Villains to turn back into decent people after jailing them.
The story specifically mention Tartarus as a place where human rights are violated which fits with how Japanese prisons are in real life. Amnesty International has documented cases where prisoners in Japan suffered from systematic cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment and are at high risk of being subjected to abusive forms of punishment like having been beaten severely by prison guards for minor infractions of prison rules, detained in solitary confinement for long periods, restrained in leather belts and handcuffs, and held in special cells as a punishment.
Horikoshi tossed this in his own story like a fact… but then never addressed it further than that, actually he even had Lady Nagant prefer remaining in jail.
That’s why Tomura, Touya and Himiko had to die in the story, because in the end their other option was to be tossed in a jail and have their human right violated until they would be executed.
There would be no salvation for them anyway, it was too late, all the support groups Class A kids created are for people who hasn’t yet turned into a Villain, not for Villains who could be redeemed.
I find kind of sad that I’m asked more than once to worry about who’ll support Heroes when it’s clear they’ve a large support group in the story, but I’m not asked to worry about who didn’t have a support group, about who was left on his own, and that saving them was tackled only in the last chapters, mostly in a fairytalesque way and that it still didn’t regard whose who weren’t saved prior to turn Villains.
It’s possible it’s, of course, just me… but I really needed to give voice to those feelings. Feel free to disagree and please, forgive me if I’ve bored you.
#boku no hero academia#bnha meta#mha meta#bnha spoilers#Uraraka Ochako#Midoriya Izuku#Toshinori Yagi#Shigaraki Tomura#Todoroki Enji#Todoroki Touya#Toga Himiko#Shouji Mezou#Tobita Danjuurou#Tsutsumi Kaina#bnha observations
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Okay, I decided to wake up and choose violence, so here goes? Imagine? Shigaraki with a pudgy kindhearted girlfriend (quirk or quirkless) that he absolutely loves so much🥰 The two of them have been dating Since he first assembled the LOV, (or before than?) So, after the fight against Re-Destro both Re-Destro and trumpet found out that Shigaraki has a girlfriend. The both of them were very, very bothered and disturbed by it, because they think that the idea of him having a girlfriend would just get in the way of his plans? and when Shigaraki here’s about all of the negative things that they’re saying about his beloved and he LOSES IT! Like completely lost it 😱 and Confronts them about their bullshit And put them back in their place. 
with all my heart - Shigaraki x Fem!Reader
First off, AMAZING PROMPT! I love when people perceive Tomura as a lovebug because he IS
warnings: a mention of sex but no smut, fem-reader with she/her pronouns, swearing, the writing isn't cohesive and is totally off topic at first, white-haired Shigaraki, ANGSTY backstory about their love, kind of fluffy!!, short story, not proofread and likely has typos
Throughout all of Tomura Shigaraki's efforts to bring hero society to its knees, there has always been a deep-seated emptiness within him. It became painful for him, so much so that he would dig himself completely raw before falling asleep at night. He hated it. Even when he made progress and advancements in his goals, he felt hallow.
Until you made him feel whole.
You two met right after he had gathered the League together, by a very casual encounter. Tomura was known to go on walks at night when he felt frustrated, and so while he was trying to process all that was happening and the wonders his group was going to pursue, he stumbled upon you at the park.
Sobbing, he heard. It was startling, and he almost wanted to leave. He picked you out, though, huddled on a bench and shaking with your phone in your hand. You were wearing a pencil skirt and some graphic t-shirt, with eyeliner streaming down your face, and surrounded by literal broken hearts. Tomura felt a tug at his heart, somehow. He didn't understand it, and hated how much dread he felt while looking at you. He didn't understand why he resonated with you so much then until he had fought Re-Destro and the memories of his past awoken.
When you looked up at him, he felt stuck. He didn't want to leave, but he also didn't know what to do.
All he could manage was a mumbled, "Hey."
You had been kicked out of your parent's house because they didn't approve of your so-called "lifestyle." That "lifestyle" consisted of wearing fashionable clothes, not meeting their expectations even though you tried extremely hard to be productive, and above all else- you hated hero society. They hurt you emotionally to the point that you had contemplated horrible things, only to be thrown out. A so-called "snowflake" in their eyes, but when Tomura listened to what you had to say, he told you to "let it snow."
The way you warmed up to him ignited a protective and playful spirit in him. He instantly offered for you to live with him, which was hasty, but it would soon blossom into a sweet and beautiful relationship between the two of you.
You've told him many times about how he "saved" you, and to that he tells you to shut up, but never maliciously. He knows deep down that he feels warmth knowing that he could offer you safety, in his own crooked way. You did the same for him, he'd argue. You stuck with Tomura throughout all of it; when AFO was arrested and they had to live dirt cheap, when he was insistent on beating Gigantomachia, throughout all his meltdowns and bad moods, you were there to hold him and let him just be. After a long day of taking a beating and destroying what he could, he came back to you, and you'd make him whole again. He loved you so much.
So to hear this bird-faced baldy and snob politician with a pedo-stash talking shit on you? He was not having that.
-
Shigaraki lingered outside Re-Destro's office. He had the door closed, but he could tell he was talking to Trumpet. Shigaraki was going to approach him about buying the League (and you) a night out to the casino, but he couldn't help but eavesdrop.
"I never even expected Shigaraki to be able to have a romantic partner," Trumpet comments, almost impressed. "I can almost guarantee she's with him because she feels that she has no other choice."
"Either way, she's slowing down operations. I don't mean to question the Grand Commander, but-"
"He comes to meetings, clicks his pen with a few "uh-huhs" unless he's the one talking, and when the meeting is over, she's right outside the door," Trumpet continues.
maybe if you guys talked about shit I cared about, things would be different
"He strolls off with her, giving her the attention that he should be giving to the cause."
"Not to mention, her quirk doesn't have any practical use. Nothing that would help protect the cause."
(Your quirk was a fascinating one, and multifaceted, actually. When you were feeling emotions of love and adoration, you produced bubbly hearts around you. Their color depended on the context of love you felt. However, your quirk had an added bonus! Which was that when you loved someone deeply, their quirk had no effect on you.)
(I guess you could consider this like Eraserhead's quirk mixed with La Brava's. However, this quirk wouldn't work for characters with external quirks like Explosion, Electricity, or Fire, because those are produced as a substance and not as an on-contact quirk. So for her, quirks like Tomura's would apply, but so could Brainwashing, Erasure, Toga's quirk (I can't remember the name), Zero-Gravity, etc.)
"Maybe we could find a way to get Shigaraki to focus on the real mission. Draw her away from him, and have her see his true colors, that way her quirk loses its effect.."
Oh he had heard ENOUGH now.
Some childish spite in Tomura wanted to decay the whole door down and say "listen motherfuckers," but he did things the adult way. Sort of. So he waited until their conversation was over. Trumpet started to leave and turned the doorknob to be abruptly faced with Tomura's "oh you've done it now" smile.
"Oh-jesu-"
"Grand Commander! What is it you need? Did your weekly payment go through? Any mistakes? Let me know and I'll fix it!" Re-Destro exclaimed, half-genuinely at his awe of Shigaraki, and half trying to throw a bandaid over what he knew Tomura had heard.
"Oh, you're going to have to do a lot of compensation for the bullshit I just heard," Tomura grumbled, trying to go with intimidation rather than attack.
"I-I don't understand!"
"Re-Destro..." Trumpet cringed, knowing that Tomura was on their asses.
"But you understand so much, don'tcha?" Tomura turns the other way to face Trumpet, too. "And so don't you? How about I give you two some grand advice and say this: mind your own fucking business and if you have a problem with my woman, you're going to have to tally your asses off because she's NOT leaving."
"I don't mean to impose Shigaraki. It's just that she takes up quite a bit of your time."
"And how many of us are there to be attending to all the dirty work? Mr. "I'm-going-to-hide-up-in-my-tower-while-my-people-go-after-the-big-bad League of Villains?" Yeah, I'm sorry that you two are some miserable geezers who have to pay to get laid, but I'm not cutting corners with Y/N because you guys have some sticks up your asses. Get the hell over it."
"I-I understand, Shigaraki!"
Trumpet began to roll his eyes and excused himself to leave, and was immediately startled with another face he did not want to see.
"Hi babe!" Tomura smiled wide with puppy eyes when he saw you standing in the doorway.
"Hi Tomura," you smiled back, tiny pink hearts popping around you. The two older men could immediately sense the "love-bird" energy between the two of you and felt annoyed. You practically tip-toed your way into the room and stood beside Tomura awkwardly.
"How'd you know I was here?" Tomura teased, brushing your hair out of your face. He gave zero fucks about PDA right now. They deserved the discomfort in his eyes.
"I saw you up the stairs when I was looking for you. I woke up and you weren't in bed."
"Sorry, baby, I should've told you before I left. I was just coming up to Re-Destro's office to ask him something," Shigaraki slied while averting his attention over to Re-Destro. "You know, y/n's been telling me about how she really wants a PC."
"Oh, is that so?" Re-Destro fake laughed.
You simply nodded shyly, feeling put on the spot, but knew full well what Tomura was doing. You had ironically heard what Tomura was saying to them right after he was eavesdropping himself.
"Yeaaa. She wants a really expensive one, too."
You actually had only wanted a pretty standard one; you were humble. This was Tomura just pulling some extra strings for you.
"Is that too much, Re-Destro?" Tomura pestered. Trumpet snuck out and had been long gone by this point.
"Of course not! Just tell me the price and I'll make it happen."
"Thank you," you said quietly, though you and Tomura both knew that was meant for him and not Re-Destro.
-
When you and Tomura left Re-Destro's office, you headed back to your shared room. Tomura held your hand delicately, thinking about what they said before about trying to make your quirk ineffective toward him. A part of him feared that happening since you started dating, and their comments only reinforced that anxiety for him. You squeezed his hand tight in realization and continued to snuggle up on him like a clingy cat.
"You know I love you, right?" Tomura mutters.
"I love you more, Tomu" you bubbled with an infestation of smokey hearts blowing in his face.
"Jesus! Haha, I guess so.." he smiles, waving the hearts out of his face playfully with an instant frown following.
"What's wrong, Tomura?"
"Nothing. I mean, I guess I'm just angry at them, for saying those things about you."
"I hope I'm not a distraction like they said."
"What? No! Don't ever fucking think that, please. I swear, if they ever tell you that you're getting in the way, or try to turn you from me, I give you full permission to kill them. Or come to me, I'll do it for you. I love you."
"I love you, too."
"You already said that, dummy."
"You said it too!"
"Fuck," Tomura cackles, pulling you in tight for a kiss. "Did you know that you're my comfort character, y/n?"
"Oh really?" you laugh.
"Duh. You're my favorite person, and...you make me feel warm? Which means you're stuck in this bed with me until I say you can leave."
"Aye-aye, Grand Commander," you obeyed sarcastically, hearts fluttering around you too as he pet your hair.
"Good girl. I'm not letting any bald-headed asshole try to take you from me."
"They couldn't do that, Tomura. I love you too much."
"You said it again."
"And I'll say it a thousand times more," you said, kissing his cheek tenderly as you continued to hold him until your brand-new PC arrived at your doorstep (under 24 hour shipping! Thanks Re-Destro!).
#shigaraki tomura#shigaraki#tomura shigaraki#shigaraki tomura x reader#shigaraki x fem reader#shigaraki x reader#shigaraki fluff
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@lotftober2024 UNDERRATED CHARACTER: PIGGY'S AUNT!!! (Went back and fixed + added a few things :3)
yes that is ms.applegate idc what anynyan says she is his aunt Piggy Applegate for the win
Ramble abt her underneath
Piggy's aunt is obviously overprotective of her nephew to the point where even without her presence, Piggy still doesn't go against her. Piggy's parents are never mentioned (in any adaptation I've seen) thus leading me to believe they're dead, hence her protective nature.
We can only infer her personality from Piggy, a child who listens to his aunt and is forced to become the island's resident babysitter. Piggy does get angry when things sour or become out of hand. He becomes enraged when the fire catches onto the forest and is horribly concerned for the safety of the littluns, and loyal to Ralph.
From that we can guess she's a bold woman. Bolder women back then were typically unmarried which makes sense that piggy never mentions an uncle or cousins. She obviously cares very deeply for Piggy (similar to an assumed fondness Piggy grew for the littluns) but that's about all we know about her and most of this is speculation.
I like using ms.applegate as his aunt because 1. It's funny, 2. She's unmarried, loyal enough to her job that she's willing to stay after all the bullshit at her school, bold, and a kindergarten teacher which is probably pretty close to Piggy's role on the island.
Anyways that's just my hcs and what not. Take this w a grain of salt I haven't re watched the kindergarten games in a while
#lord of the flies#lotf#lotftober#lotftober 2024#piggy lord of the flies#lord of the flies piggy#piggy lotf#lotf piggy#ms.applegate#kindergarten ms.applegate#kindergarden game#kindergarden 2
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Pliss, can someone do a Lian and Jason interaction after she returns to the Arrow Family.
They are two children whose guardians are superheroes, they died in horrible circumstances causing terrible pain to their parents, they were resurrected, they lived for years in horrible circumstances which made them change from being a happy child to a person who lives their day to day fighting. They had to see their parents move on despite their deaths without being able to get close to them, they became criminals, they were reunited with their parents and they became Gotham's vigilantes.
They are VERY similar as far as I'm concerned, except that Lian had no hard feelings towards her father and it seems that she was able to re-enter her family despite everything.
Which surprises me that it seems that it was so easy to integrate her back into the Arrow family or rather that she will be reintegrated, because yes, I understand that she is still more or less small and that she missed her father.
But let's be honest, I don't think it will be THAT easy to become part of the group of people you once considered your family after you die, are resurrected and find them again after literally years of being a totally different person and having been a criminal and they some watchmen
As we saw in Jason, all of this leaves horrible marks on a person and it is very difficult to come back after having been through so much. Imagine adding the fact that you can look for your father but that every time you meet again they will take you away from him, so you force yourself to live away from his life since you know that they will never let you be together and be a family?
Sounds like something that creates BIG trauma to me.
And yes, Lian may be younger than Jay, but that only makes it worse, she had to live through that horrible experience when she was even younger than him, deal with a lot of trauma from that and other things. And still look at her.
She is a vigilante from a notorious neighborhood in Gotham's East End, overcoming the pain caused by her past and creating a family with the Stays.
"I've been pushed and pulled in a thousand directions. I've seen things that would make people twice my age sick. But I've made friends. There are people who have my back, and I've got theirs. I've made a home. Everything which means that, all these years later, I can sit here and say... DAMN, MOM!"
Damn, I love this girl and Jason, I definitely want some content from the two of them, I honestly think they could do a lot of good with each other's company.
(I apologize if there is any case in my publication that is not understood, English is not my first language so I am using Google Translate to translate it into English)
#jason todd#roy harper#lian harper#jayroy#lian harper and jason todd#Jason Todd and Lian Harper#dc chesire cat#cheshire cat
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*deep breath* Okay. I am going to be a mature adult and not let my feelings rule me.
I'm sorry for lashing back at you, that was tactless.
I just really feel like allies only exist in privileged spaces, mostly because I live in blood-red Oklahoma. I am fortunate enough not to live in a more rural area, but I have been rejected from jobs on no other basis than me being trans and I can't really do anything about that because, apparently, we are no longer recognized by state law. I watched the news about Nex Benedict last year and it has affected the way I act ever since. I'm terrified that yeah, that absolutely could be me next. That could be anyone I know next. I have never seen a single cishet adult actively stand up for the trans community. In fact, quite the opposite.
All of my friends (which is like three people) are queer. Two of them are transmasc like me, and the third is genderfluid. All of us have horrible, unsupportive parents.
The only adults I've ever met who stood up for the trans community was a t4t straight couple at Starbucks. That's it.
I'm almost certainly going to have to drop out next year and get my GED- or at least re-enroll in a different school- because of how bad it is here. I absolutely would not be surprised if Oklahoma becomes a Do Not Travel state soon. Especially under Trump and the GOP. I'm scared. My life could potentially be on the line.
oh god, i am so sorry you're in oklahoma of all places, my heart goes out to you. that is a seriously dangerous place to be as a queer person. i think it's fine to be skeptical about queer allies existing in these kinds of situations. like being skeptical vs. outright denying something exists are two different experiences, and credit where credit is due- i would be skeptical too, in your shoes. i didn't articulate that well at *all* so i would like to apologize, because i can see why that point wouldn't come across
this is like. an absolutely insane coincidence, i'm not pulling your leg, but the queer ally librarian in her 60s i mentioned in my last post? she actually just moved back to oklahoma, that's where she was from originally. if you end up needing any resources in your area, i can try to ask her to see if there's anything she would be able to find for you, either in terms of helping you find community, advocacy groups, safe places to go, or whatever it may be. that is an insane coincidence but i just thought i'd mention that because even if you live in a different part of OK, her being a librarian, she might still be able to help
it's definitely okay to be scared. like forreal, i don't want people to think they just have to stop being scared of queerphobia just because cishet allies exist. you could be in an entire community of queer allies and still find a dangerous queerphobic asshole. the mere existence of queer allies does not offset the damage queerphobes do, nor does it inherently make up for queerphobic society existing in the first place. you don't have to tell yourself to suck it up, especially given the times we're in right now
i hate that people are actually having to relocate and consider relocating right now. like as if it weren't bad enough, now we have something very frightening on the horizon. none of us know what will happen, and that uncertainty is horrifying. you have no way to know how to prepare yourself for anything that may come your way.
i want you to know that i really appreciate this message, and that i don't think you have to just suck it up and pretend things are fine just because queer allies exist. you are allowed to be skeptical, and scared. you are allowed to still be very terrified of queerphobia and the impact queerphobic people have vs. the impact allies have. because the impact queerphobes have right now is much larger than the impact that allies have. i just hope that by strengthening the bond between queers and allies that we can flip that balance.
take care of yourself and seriously let me know if you think you may need resources, my librarian friend will likely know of something, or will be happy to find something out for you. take care of yourself for now. we're in some really shitty times. it's easy to become bitter, jaded and disenfranchised.
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Hiiiiii everyone I’ve become obsessed w Trolls, and by extension, several of the AUs here. In particular, @djmurphy ‘s Hypno Pop AU has had me in its clutches. I couldn’t stop myself so I wrote a lil somethin’ in between working on my Feral!Branch AU.
Bit of a warning, it’s def unreliable narrator, and yes, it’s supposed to be kinda creepy. I hope y’all like, please do not copy or post to another site. Lmk what y’all think!
"Hee, hee, hee, hee, heh, heh, eheh…" It wouldn't stop, no matter what I tried, nothing would make it stop. My face hurt, my entire body hurt if I was being honest. It was getting harder to do that. My voice wasn't my own, instead spewing false, toxic positivity that made me want to scream. It was hard to be honest even inside my own head when the compulsions wouldn't leave me alone either.
Keep Smiling. The compulsions hurt, but it hurt worse to try and resist. Like my nerves were being burnt. The compulsions made it easier to go about my day-to-day. I always knew what I was supposed to be doing, and how to be a good troll like everybody else. It was comforting to have a safety net.
Keep Singing. This one was harder to obey, but somehow even more painful to try and ignore. Whether I obeyed or not, it felt like liquid fire in my veins. I watched it happen over and over and over again. Every time I opened my mouth to sing, I saw her push me out of the way instead. It was painful fighting to go grey. My vocal cords always felt shredded, and they had lost a lot of their angelic body, sounding raspy, damaged.
Go To King Peppy. My numb feet carried me to the King's pod that he shared with his youngest daughter. I wasn't supposed to talk about Viva either, which was wrong. Poppy should know about her older sister, even if she never got to meet her. I knew a little about my parents, even if they had been taken before my egg hatched. At least I knew my parents existed. I wonder what my brothers are up to…
Part of me yearned to have them home still, that same part I was scared was getting dependent on the string. I would feel my feet quickening as the power of the string would begin to fade, heading to King Peppy's door, knowing I wouldn't skip. It was horrifying to think part of myself actually liked being like this. I still remembered resisting, or trying to, hating every moment of this prison. I remembered trying to scream, trying to get anyone to help me and I couldn't make myself do anything. Oh after the first close calls King Peppy had made sure to put in the compulsions to 'never alarm anyone'. Now people didn't panic when they saw me, and it was all thanks to King Peppy!
I reached King Peppy's office, knocking politely and entering the room as he bid me. King Peppy helped me when no one else could. He was the only one able to help me get rid of my greyness, the only one willing to do what it took to make me normal. I owed him everything. My smile was blindingly painful.
"Ah, Branch, perfect timing as always." King Peppy smiled broadly, opening his arms for a hug.
I leapt into his arms, the contact feeling like licking flames.
King Peppy held me for a moment, before setting me back down. He reached into his hair, pulling out a nearly-empty lyre, with one glittering pink string on it.
My heartbeat quickened seeing it, eyes tunneling to focus on the horribly beautiful string. It glowed with its own light, drawing me in and re-thickening the haze over everything I saw. I felt my shoulders begin to relax as the haze crept further, like a wild animal with its eyes hooded.
A few plucks of the string, and I felt my mind wash away in a comfortable haze. All of the anxiety and negativity bleeding away to the innermost recesses of myself. It was such a relief to not have to deal with all of those pesky emotions! Now I could just be happy and sing and dance and have fun like everyone else!
I smiled, my face comfortably numb from the fresh effects of the string. "Thank you, King Peppy! I feel much better now!" I chirped, hardly able to see him at all through the haze.
"I'm so glad to hear that, Branch! Now, I've still got some work to finish up, why don't you run along and find someone to play with until you're called for dinner?" King Peppy chuckled as he suggested it, placing the sacred string back in its spot, safely in his hair.
The village was still bustling even at this hour, people skipping about and holding hands and singing and dancing. It was amazing.
My whole body felt like it was floating, like I was only connected to it by a tiny string. I waved and smiled at everyone who greeted me, even if I couldn't tell who had spoken to me. It unnerved me not being able to see more than a couple of troll-lengths away at best. No shadows to see a hand reaching down for–
"Hey, Branch! There you are! I was just looking for you!" Princess Poppy's cheerful voice broke in before a compulsion could correct my thought.
My head whipped around to her voice, my smile still painful, but a little more genuine. Princess Poppy was a sweet girl, even if she was annoying. She was perfect and would make an excellent queen one day.
"Princess! What can I do for you today?" I asked, kneeling down in front of her. She wasn't that much shorter than me, but I would take any excuse to get off of them. I had to stay fresh for more dancing, after all!
She beamed at me, somehow making it look effortless and completely sincere.
"One of the performers for my party tonight had to backout last minute. Would you be able to fill in? I don't need a full set or anything, just a couple of songs." Her voice was pleading, eyes big and pouty. She should know by now I can't say no to her.
"Of course, what's the theme for the party?" My grinning kept up, my lips not allowed to turn down in her presence.
"Thank you so much Branch you have no idea how much this means to me!" Poppy rushed out in one breath, leaping at me and hugging me tightly. I responded automatically, not having to think about hugging back. That was the nice thing about being a puppet in your own body at least.
#dreamworks trolls#fanfiction#hypno pop au#trolls branch#trolls poppy#trolls king peppy#trolls fandom#trolls world tour#drabble#idk why but I feel like a human trapped like this in their own head would turn into the Joker#it’s not gonna happen here#timeline is before the movie starts#beyond that#I know I didn’t make Branch 12 or anything#he’s like fifteen maybe#I will be making more#however idk how to like do things with posts#so if I make more it’ll be a separate post#but with the hypno pop au tag since that’s the official tag for this au#if this gets zero notes I’m going to Actually cry
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