#and they were still demanding more
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the whole family depending on lottie to have the first grandchild. i just HAD to laugh 😭
It’s just so outdated too 😭 let the girlie live you know
#anons#she took on so much#and they were still demanding more#aside from the obvious#let’s forget there’s already#one grandchild in the family
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The leftism/anticapitalism leaving people's bodies the zeptosecond you imply that disabled people who aren't "productive" still matter in society and need to be treated like intrinsic equals who have a place in this world:
#disability#disability advocacy#described images#image description in alt#ableism#ableism tw#my full-time job is my disability and you're lucky that i am still 'productive' as-is#your boss doesn't care that you think you're superior for being hired by them. they're still going to treat you like profit machines#it astounds me how people will capitulate for oppression because they place their intrinsic value in their ability to be at the top...#...or at least 'at the top' compared to others. it's the same impulse that makes people think their cisgender status makes them superior...#...you are placing your worth into systems which not only oppress others but offer you no true sense of worth...#...ESPECIALLY if you're also being exploited (even if just a bit)...#...you have a job sure but... do you actually get treated like a human being? are you actually paid? are you actually safe?...#...if the answer to any of those questions and more is 'no' then why do you place your value in capitalistic production. genuinely.#and why would you DEMAND disabled people to have the same exploitation you experience. why do you DEMAND productivity if you are proletaria#yes being a leftist and anticapitalist are linked but. some people still internalize capitalism without questioning it#being a leftist is about challenging that rather than assuming you're correct i think#also scientists were very silly when describing time that's like. less than a millisecond i think
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Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)
This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)
I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)
Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!
Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!
He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!
Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.
Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:
I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao
Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)
Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:
He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.
To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.
Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)
A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~
The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D
No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.
I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:
He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)
And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:
Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:
Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)
whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now
I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE
#fanart#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#stanley pines#the love god#human bill cipher#human bill design#fashion design#comics#poor stan gets to find out his twin boinked a triangle when the love god shows up at the mystery shack demanding payment LMAO#cue internal panic for stan as dipper and mabel lose their collective shit over the fact that they now have a surprise new grunkle bill#the love god helps himself get paid by teaching the kids how to trap bill in his human vessel for the foreseeable future#bill is bewildered and pissed but also very much 'holy shit i have a FAMILY again??? neat but terrifying??????? what the F*CK do i do now'#he then proceeds to attempt to lovebomb his new family into being okay with the impending apocalypse#all while the three of them attempt to lovebomb HIM into giving up his plans for said impending apocalypse#then two days later ford shows up and is just like. what the ACTUAL F*CK IS HAPPENING???#cue stan immediately screaming 'I HAD TO PRETEND TO BE THAT THING'S HUSBAND FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT SO F*CK YOU AND YOUR BAD TASTE FOR THAT!'#stan spends those two days straight dropping very sour hints that he's being punished for someone else's terrible mistakes#bill finds this absolutely hilarious and thus plays along - but not without dropping his own hints that ford is the FAR superior twin#dipper and mabel have ZERO idea of what is actually going on because the love god did NOTHING to clarify the situation#dipper is convinced that stan and bill are speaking in some kind of bizarre code that only adults can understand#mabel is convinced that the code is flirting - which means stan and bill are going to live happily ever after and have tons of kids + pets#NEITHER of them are prepared for ford showing up. not that they were in canon. but still. now it's even MORE crazy#'what do you mean we get TWO NEW GRUNKLES???' 'two grunkles in two days - gotta be some kinda record'#ford then has to decide if he wants to remain justifiably furious at bill or join the other pines in lovebombing him into submission#he then gets to learn that lovebombing bill works surprisingly well because that triangle is just The Biggest Attention Wh*re#the entire AU would just be ridiculous antics with a splash of billford#these tags are an abomination lmao
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The fandom god discussion is interesting, but I feel it’s sometimes hindered by an unwillingness to separate gods from mortal society, or even a sort of over-eagerness to project our own reality onto them, which simply doesn’t work. I've seen the gods referred to as rulers or tyrants demanding worship (which I kinda understand because it’s something Ludinus says in-game, though it’s funny to see fandom corners confidently repeat the inaccurate talking points of the antagonist) but more interestingly I've also seen them referred to as a higher/the highest social class, as colonizers imposing themselves on mortals, the raven queen specifically as new money. Overall these comparisons tend to talk about the gods and their actions regarding Aeor in the past and predathos/the Vanguard in the present less as if they're about saving their own lives and more as if they want to preserve their powerful position.
The gods, by their very nature, are above mortals. They cannot be compared to any mortal ruling class because they didn’t choose or strive for that power and cannot feasibly get rid of it/step down/redistribute it (nor do they actually in any sense rule; killing the raven queen, unlike killing an actual queen, will not end the 'tyranny' of death), they simply have it by virtue of being gods. Saying that’s unfair or unequal and that the gods should be killed because of it is akin to saying it’s unfair a mountain is bigger than you and demanding it be levelled, except the gods, unlike mountains, are living, feeling beings who shouldn’t have to die because some people can’t stand the idea of not always being top dog. Thing is, the gods themselves ultimately understood this power imballance and that they can't help but hurt Exandria the way humans can't help but step on bugs, and thus removed themselves from the equation by creating the divine gate. Saying this isn’t enough and that they're clinging to power is just demanding they line themselves up to be killed.
#critical role#cr3#downfall#nella talks cr#ultimately all these 'ruling class' comparisons are simply flawed and don’t work when under the slightest bit of scrutiny#gods arent rulers or tyrants bc they don’t rule and can't be deposed#they are representantations and guardians of (mostly natural) concepts#and those concepts won’t go away bc you killed the gods. death and nature and the fucking sun will still remain#they aren’t colonizers of mortals (wtf lmao) who demand they be worshiped and mortals live according to their oppressive rule#again did you watch calamity? not even before the divine gate did the gods demand worship or even respect#they were never less respected than during the age of arcanum and still they were just chilling#(until someone released the betrayers and they had to step in to stop the ultimate destruction of exandria)#technically you could argue they were colonizers against the titans but even that feels like a stretch#the titans to me feel less like people and more like representations of the chaotic and deathly side of nature#being angry they were killed sounds like being angry someone stopped a hurricane just bc the hurricane was there first#I'm sorry but that hurricane would've flattened you. it wouldn’t appreciate your support bc it isn't a person#and 'a higher social class' fucking NEW MONEY? this is just blatant projection#I'm sorry but not everything more powerful than you is a stand in for oppression#sometimes it’s a narrative stand in for nature and i promise nature isn't oppressing you
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Reading journal 3 again is a reminder that... Well Ford is kinda an asshole towards Fiddleford. It's not just Stan. Like he's so focused on himself and his project and his ambition that anyone/thing else blurs out (him disregarding Fiddleford's nervousness around the gremloblin because he wants to sketch it, and when it goes sideways, him talking about the safety of the project parts BEFORE how Fiddleford was doing in his journal, multiple times. Priorities much?) and he's demeaning towards Fiddleford's own project (which ends up being wayyyy more important then Ford's discoveries)... Like damn Fiddleford, u left ur wife and young son for this guy?
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#ford squared#like... i get where reading the journal so its more of Ford unfiltered thoughts but it REALLY shows his priorities#and yeah I'm nor saying there wasnt good things in their relationship but Ford still is very much by this point extremely self-absorbed#and it SHOWS and its not... it bot very pretty. like we joke about Bill fumbling Ford and how great Ford is but like ..#compared to McGucket who earnestly cared Ford... was extremely self-absorbed and selfish. and like McGucket definitely#began to help Ford step out of his self-absorption and solely being driven by his ambition but in the end it ended terrribly#literally McGucket feeling so unsafe in the relationship and where he was that he made the memory gun and then USED IT UNCONSENTED on Ford#because he couldnt destroy it and Ford demanded him too... like yikes#anyways theyre all a fucking delight to chew on#this is not supposed to come off as ford squares disliking this is me going those two arent as wholesome as u might think when they were#younger. or maybe since im not a lurker in that part of the fandom i just have a poor conception of what its like compared to like. billford#like you can REALLY see what Bill likes in Ford#hugin rambles#hugin rambles gf
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found a baby yaku amidst the Sketchbook-glitch-corruption wreckage..... wondering if he flipped skin tones between black and red and everything in between until he saw his to-be-grandparents (and started mimicking THEIR skin tone....... )
#thinking about yakumo having weird lil homunculus proportions or other such variations#what if he just always had massive hands compared to body size. yaoi hands from birth-transformation#he was so anti-snake that he looked at hands and said YES. THIS IS THE LEAST SNAKEY I CAN BE. I WILL GO 600% ON THIS FEATURE SPECIFICALLY#changing forms from entirely obsidian... or red in patches.... or striped... or other combinations...#because he only had murals to base his human form off of? at least at first?#were the murals in colour? shaded with gradients and lighting oh so conveniently?#then how was he to know what skin tone humans are supposed to have???#imagining the first few times he encountered his grandparents in his cave#maybe they only saw a shadow with eyes darting back into the darkness#just a really long black noodle with semisnake semihuman eyes (just a hint of sclera)#and every time they visited#yakumo observed more of their features#and took on something similar to their proportions...? or hair colour? or skin colour?#and maybe even when he's first adopted into the family and leaves the cave#he's still a vibrant pink and everyone thinks he somehow got sunburnt inside a cave or smth#but then he starts seeing all the other people in the village#including diff age groups and kids who are supposedly around his age#so he starts to slowly morph his body toward those characteristics#his skin gets beige-r. reshapes his eyes a bit.... grows a bit of nose.....lengthens his limbs a bit...#(the big humans seem to treat me the same as that speCIFIC group of smaller humans... so maybe i should use them as a Model)#like... how do you even age in a human body when you have no reference for how humans age?!??!#did yakumo stare at several children in the village and watch their growth year by year#and match his body to their changes just to fit in?#did nature just know what to do?? and he just naturally grew like a human without manual manipulation?#I DEMAND ANSWERS#nu carnival yakumo
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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Unfriendly reminder that quite a few members of the stranger things cast and crew have been openly supportive of Israel and the murder of thousands of innocent people. A few pr statements to try and appease fans for no reason other than making more money does not change anything!
Do not support stranger things! Cancel your netflix subscription! Do not stream season five! Do not buy official merch!
DO NOT SUPPORT ZIONISM AND THE ONGOING GENOCIDE! FREE PALESTINE!
#stranger things#genuinely going to start blocking people if I see them promoting or supporting st financially#I've already left that one group bc they were promoting merch#it's just... I don't understand how some of y'all can do that and not feel disgusted with yourselves#it feels like a lot y'all either don't care or have gotten bored#or worse; you care more about your comfort and enjoyment of a fucking show than the millions living in Gaza#I am giving y'all the nastiest side eyes#I do think you can still be in the st fandom and support palestine- obviously look at me- but you have to SUPPORT PALESTINE! ACTIVELY!#BOYCOTT! SPREAD INFORMATION! DONATE! CLICK THE ARAB.ORG BUTTON! PROTEST! MESSAGE YOUR LOCAL OFFICIALS! DEMAND A BETTER WORLD FOR PALESTINE!
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gm_hub_mall
created by MKA0207, Mr.ROFLMAN
#garry's mod#gmod#source engine#half life 2#other#hearted#SUPER cool map on par with a GMT Lobby 2/Playstation Home kinda space#really cool condo designs. looked like there was one modern swanky room and one that was more like. rp_downtown apartment style#my favorite part is the little hideaways/secret tunnels that don't really go anywhere substantial but they're special because you're just#somewhere you're not 'supposed to be' which was one of my absolute favorite things in GMT#everyone who played a ton knew about those spaces and they weren't anything that crazy but it was cool to little wannabe-rulebreaker me#apparently the creators were running a server for this map a la GMT but it's been down for a bit#i've spent plenty of time in GMT and Tower to know just hanging out in the plaza is not my thing anymore but i'm sure demand is still there
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It is an absolute CRIME that there are not more episodes with Lieutenant Simmons. She is the sweetest funniest little gal and I want to know more about her!!!
Like, just look at her!!
Shes like if a bunny was a person!! It should be illegal to be that adorable and silly and not get more screen time, ILLEGAL I SAY!!
#not to mention her and Radar’s little will they wont they#they were both equally as socially awkward and it was perfect#like of course they were ignoring eachother and waiting for the other to crack. they dont know how this goes!!#I want to know her perspective in springtime so bad#a crime I tell you a crime#lieutenant Simmons#mash#staples rambles#mashposting#I know is delusional to demand more episodes for a character that appeared in a show that ended like 50 years ago or something but STILL
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Donald: DON’T YE DARE INSULT ME OR MY DAUGHTER OR MY GRANDKIDS EVER!!
Diesel: Daughter? What daughter?! You’re literally an engine! How can you possibly have a daughter let alone grandkids?! And what grandkids?!
Donald: Those grandkids! *points to Dilly and her ducklings in the pond*
Diesel: …
Diesel: okay, they’re pretty cute.
Douglas: and I’m the uncle!
Duck: I’m Dilly’s step father!
Oliver: I’m their godfather!
Toad: and I’m the nanny!
Diesel: …
Diesel: don’t you guys think you’re taking this Dilly business too far?
Everyone: No!
#ttte#thomas and friends#ttte incorrect quote#ttte headcanon#ttte donald#ttte diesel#ttte douglas#ttte duck#ttte oliver#ttte toad#ttte dilly#they should’ve brought dilly back for the episode Diesel and the ducklings#I DEMAND MORE DILLY CONTENT!!#Donald’s duck was and is my favorite episode because my favorite animal as a kid were ducks#I still love ducks
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..
#and i feel like im going insane trying ti map out the full extent of the transmisogyny of it all#when i tried to help him with the frustrations he was having with his friend and defended the friend even slightly#he accused me of talking like the friend was my actual boyfriend and told me to go run away with him#when he broke a fuck ton of glass in our bathroom his clean up was even more half assed than usual cause of the state he was in#so even as he apologized to me and called his behaviour abuse and used all the right words#it was still me cleaning up after his abuse literally with a broom and mop#i still freak out at rhe very idea of broken glass and i know that trigger isnt going away anytime soon#and i still didnt leave after that#then him and his friend took so many of my words out of context to essentially accuse me of emotional cheating with people on here#and i cant think about that conversation without thinking about how yall on here have talked about abusers using cheating accusations#and when we finally broke uo he couldnt help but keep giving me permission for things#permission to throw something of his in a lake#permission to let my friends talk shit and be mean#but then when i had something mean to say afterwards and he saw it by checking my blog#he punished me for it by doing everything he could tk scare thr shit out of me#cause even as we were broken uo he hadnt given me permission to talk shit#only to listen to my friends#and even after all that him and his friend still expected that i would share my car and weed for them to use#and i still did with the car cause im either wonderful for dumb as hell#probably both#then after all that his friend cut me off as a friend using the fact that i had asked him why he was refusing to even look at me and if we#were cool to say i was demanding and pushing him and not respecting his boundaries#he used me asking why i was being treated as a pariah to justify treating me as a pariah#after all i had refused to still be a punching bag#i stopped buying him weed#so it was time for me to be disposed of#and even as they disposed of me they still expected me to live in that house for another fucking month with them#i was used and disposed of by two of the people i was closest with#one of whom i would have married eventually if he hadnt pushed it over the edge
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Angels in America
It's amazing how fast an evening at your favorite club can be ruined by someone keeling over and frothing at the mouth. The band never quite gets back into the swing of things afterwards.
"Angel," sighed one of the men, or nearest approximants, at the table next to mine, "why is it that I can never go anywhere with you without stumbling across a body?"
"Oh, come now," said his partner, a soft, fluffy confection in caramel and cream, rising hastily to make his way toward the source of the commotion. The first gentleman, dark, lanky, and excruciatingly chic, got up to follow him. "It's hardly every time."
I stayed where I was for now, casting my gaze around the room as I went over my memory of the past twenty or thirty minutes. Too many people passing close enough to slip something into the victim's drink, too many others to watch at the same time, too many more opportunities to poison him outside my field of view. I was a detective, not God.
"Stumbling upon, once. Literally. Do you know what it's like to have to clean up after that sort of thing? It takes a personal toll."
"Hush, Crowley," chided "Angel". "People can hear you, and you know how queer they get about these things. Ooh, yes, that's strychnine, all right," he added cheerfully, pulling a small vial from his vest pocket and tipping it into his handkerchief. "Nasty stuff."
I got up. As I approached, I caught the faint, unmistakable chemical sweetness of ether fumes and gave them a wide berth, choosing instead to inspect the victim's plate and glass before turning to scan the room from this perspective.
"Now, just what might you be doing?" drawled Crowley.
I looked him over, too, while I was at it. In Crowley's case, this involved a lot of looking and not much over; he was easily more than six feet tall, even while slouching rakishly. The snake tattoo on his right temple suggested certain things about him. The dark glasses that he hadn't removed since he'd entered just suggested questions, since I highly doubted he was blind. "I'm a detective," I said, leaving the obviously at the end of that sentence to implication. "What are you doing?"
This response seemed to delight him. "So are we," Crowley answered, and grinned. "But if you want to get specific about it, I'm keeping you distracted while my friend saves this man's life. Let's see your license, then."
As I took it out, keeping at least one eye on him and his partner, Angel called out to the rubbernecking crowd around us, "I need someone here to run and call the nearest hospital, and a couple of strong men to help get this poor fellow someplace dark and quiet to rest. Best use one of the tablecloths for a stretcher," he added to the first volunteer who stepped forward.
Crowley leaned in closer to study my license. "Drake Silas Donovan," he read off. "'Silas', really?"
"What about it?"
"I've just always wondered what kind of parent would name their kid Silas."
"The kind who had a grandfather named Silas," I replied coolly, snagging my license back. "Your turn."
He obliged. Anthony J. Crowley, it read, licensed in London since 1905, the year before mine. I wondered how long he'd been at this; he looked too young for his apparent age, but then I looked too old for mine. "A. J. Crowley," I read his signature aloud. "Get asked if you're any relation every time, or just most?"
There's a certain motion a person's head makes when they roll their eyes. Crowley's was making it. "The man's an embarrassment to the side," he griped. "I made my name legitimately."
"And your friend?" It wasn't as if I couldn't put two and two together. There's a certain type of person who's got both a nose for trouble and the brains to prepare for it; if it walks, talks, and thinks like a dick, it probably is one. It was just that I wasn't in the habit of trusting people, and I'd be a real schmuck to neglect basic due diligence on the guy purportedly surrounded by bodies.
Detectives are no better or worse than any other person. They just think it's usually more interesting to solve crimes than commit them.
"Oh, he's as legitimate as it gets." Crowley turned to his companion, who was getting to his feet, brushing his clothes off fussily. Beside him, the two volunteers hoisted the unconscious victim onto a tablecloth spread across the floor, momentarily dislodging the ether-soaked cloth before Angel caught it and laid it carefully back in place over the victim's nose and mouth. "Aren't you, Aziraphale?"
Angel — "Aziraphale"? — looked up, startled. "Pardon?"
"Mr. Donovan here wants to see your detective's license," Crowley explained, enunciating his words with malice aforethought.
"Oh! Yes. Of course I always have that with me. Now just where did I..." He started patting down his pockets, stopped suddenly, and took a lovely calfskin card holder out of his coat. "Ah. Here it is."
Beaming, he passed it to Crowley, who passed it to me with the comment, "You'll find everything in order, I'm sure."
I glanced down at the card, then back up at Angel. "Am I supposed to call you A. Z. Fell or Aziraphale?" I asked, pronouncing the Z correctly as zed.
"A. Z. Fell is how 'Aziraphale' is pronounced in the King's English," said Crowley blandly, affecting a cut-glass Oxford accent on the last phrase. His partner seemed pleased by this comment, rather than annoyed.
"I'm afraid my progenitor bestowed me with a rather unwieldy given name," Fell admitted, raising fascinating questions about just how many syllables the British peerage could fit on a birth certificate when they really tried. "Aziraphale just sounds so much more euphonious, don't you think?" Crowley was right; I couldn't tell whether Fell had meant to say A. Z. Fell or the de-accented gloss. He'd lengthened the half-syllable between zed and Fell to a full vowel, but some people said zetta.
"I wouldn't know," I replied, handing the license back to Crowley, who was nearest. When Fell didn't take my bait, I added, "Lucky that you happened to have ether handy. I wouldn't like to imagine what might've happened if you'd decided to stay in tonight." I also lied when I said sorry, and when I swore to tell the whole truth and nothing but. Little white lies are the oil in the gears of civilization.
"Oh, I always carry that, too," Fell explained earnestly. "One gets into the habit after one's first run-in with strychnine, and of course ether has so many useful applica—"
"I wouldn't, angel," Crowley interrupted, sounding very amused. "Mr. Donovan thinks you're the one behind this."
"Oh," said Fell, nonplussed. "Gosh. Well, I — I suppose I can't blame him. He doesn't know me from Adam, after all, and has no reason to trust me — I did warn you about giving people funny ideas, Crowley, honestly. Of course," Fell turned to me, laying an elegant hand across his chest, "if you were to search me, you would find only a small collection of antidotes — oh, but a habitual poisoner would probably carry those, too, especially if he were the sort of voyeur with a penchant for playing the hero. I certainly wouldn't be convinced of my innocence. Yes, I can certainly understand whatever suspicion you might feel towards me, however misplaced it may be."
Crowley watched this thought process with an expression somewhere between fascination and agony. "Well, at least now he probably thinks that if you'd done it, you'd have been caught by now," he remarked, presumably because he was thinking the same thing. "You'll have to excuse my friend," Crowley added to me. "He still believes that the innocent have nothing to fear. Somehow."
"First time visiting?" I guessed.
Fell's bemusement answered my question before he did. "Pardon?"
"Never mind."
#good omens#1920s#noir#detective fiction#lgbt fiction#original fiction#(as it were; i should probably go back and tag the posts in this series more identifiably)#is this a human AU or are Crowley and Aziraphale just huge nerds? i don't know and neither does the outsider-POV narrator#i will finish this if there is public demand but otherwise This Is What You Get#(other stuff is still in the pipeline. this has just been a fuck of a year.)#i did this#my writing#a good man is hard to find (no not that one)
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my emoooootional issues and my physical iiiintimacy issuuuues
#chirps#two dogs playing tug of war in my mind. one is 'its ok to have issues around sex whether they have a cause or it's just how you are'#the other is 'yeah but you were a bad girlfriend though. you werent easy or simple and you behaved nonsensically'#it's easier to assign all the blame to myself for our incompatibility. but i don't think that's the most realistic way of looking at it#or the kindest.#still. 'isnt it a good thing if you know your girlfriend wants to have sex with you?' I WOULD THINK SO TOO#i just turn 'frigid' as they say. im demand avoidant.#'they expect something of me' is the true terror. makes me turtle up#in any case. i think me and her just think too differently. like we are just really cognitively different#i mull over stuff a LOT (i chew over things a long time in my head) while she's a lot more direct and straightforward#im also just a hashtag introvert while she's a hashtag extrovert#i need alone downtime and that fundamentally doesn't make sense to her#this breakup happened 2 years ago. but we took a two week road trip in september.#ok wait i just remembered smth that happened to me that may contribute to this. nvm
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Words cannot describe how much I despise this man, they really can't. It was already beyond disgusting to make that jibe while Brianna Ghey's mother was literally in the seats, let alone now actually continue to refuse to apologize and actually SMILE while discussing the jibe and the fact that the mother of a child whose murder was motivated by transphobia heard him.
#uk politics#rishi sunak#i hope getting the bigots votes are worth it because it aint gonna get you a win still torys#i say torys because his fellow bigots were going 'OOH' like he just did a sick burn or something when doing that jibe#also i should note brianna's father is also demanding an apology#so him continuing to refuse is getting more and more disgusting#as even fellow transphobe keir made a whole deal of supporting brianna's family
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Man. I just get so actually legitimately sad each time I remember that toh ended and that we live in the post-toh world. Like it really is over.
Ms Dana Terrace has said that she'd like to do more given the chance (and after some quality time off of bigger projects, just to chill), but as far as we know, it's the end.
Heck, we barely got anything after the final episode, no books, no special merch, no dedicated little chibi shorts, nothing really, aside from the, thankfully fun, get-togethers of the cast and crew!
Idk. Ah well actually nah, I do know, that this show just meant an enormous lot to me. Incredibly huge, the kind that you can't break away from and wouldn't want to anyway. The kind that feels like, man, where would I be without it.
Happy 1 Year, to the end of The Owl House. Thank you, The Owl House.
I hope the future is bright, for all of us.
#The Owl House#TOH#Owl House#and tbh. its also why I havent exactly been posting as much!#I just. really miss it man.#and thinking so hard of how great it all was. gets me choked up for real lol.#I do hope theres more for us in the future. I really cant say for certain.#Cause to be less sentimental and more analytical for a moment#TOH was d1sney's biggest original ip hit that wasnt a movie for both such a long time and in a good long time!#Yes yes the internet doesn't always entirely mean the reality of things (which is why financially bcg is their biggest hit technically)#but to actually think back upon it all#TOH always had news articles and video essays and huge followings on tons of communities#especially on youtube! which isn't that easy! Youtube will always be dominated by bigger named things so the fact that toh DID get trending#number 1 more than once? Was incredibly impressive. And not just that but the viewer demand and count were through the roof! Huge in general#television numbers. All to say that is is that toh was an enormous hit. both financially and to people. so. yeah. It's. kind of in the air?#I guess? that no one really knows what could happen. I mean hell amph1bia is still getting books.#Granted....lets not forget ofc that disknee really. really. reaaaally doesnt. like. toh. ×^| but who knows!#personally? still hoping for a save the light styled game someday. or just some game that I can play on my switch someday.#but yep! Enough of my rambling. Thank you for everything The Owl House. really. Truly.
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