#and they literally just said bro mine is fucked up my rings are twisted

[cactusdodes]

.

[themattress]

My Top 30 Favorite Video Games

Inspired by @ultraericthered’s Top 30 Favorite Anime post. 

Although I’m doing mine in countdown form, ‘cause it’s more fun that way!

30. Super Mario Bros. - Arguably the first “blockbuster” game to be released, not only does Super Mario Bros. still hold up over 35 years later but it’s a gift that keeps on giving with how many different incarnations, remixes, fan games using its assets, etc. that we have now.

29. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - OBJECTION! While I cherish the entire original Phoenix Wright trilogy of the Ace Attorney franchise, I’ll always be the most partial to the original outing. The sheer audacity and hilarity of the concept, which is grounded by endearing characters and compelling mysteries, shines brilliantly in this little, easily accessible game. 

28. Trigger Happy Havoc: Danganronpa - While similar in many ways to Ace Attorney, Danganronpa boasts a variety of more actual gameplay than mere point-and-click text scrolling. But what really makes this stand out, beyond gameplay or even the strength of its concept, story and characters, is the atmosphere it creates. For good and for ill, traversing the pristine, neon-lit hallways of the abandoned Hopes Peak Academy looking for clues as I’m forced to play by Monokuma’s twisted rules is an experience that will stay with me forever.

27. Star Fox 64 - Beyond all the entertainment this game provides through memes, it’s really just a fun, reasonably simple but just moderately complicated enough game that’s accessible to any player even if they usually don’t go for aerial shooters. It’s also one of the earliest console games that I ever played, so of course it’s going to hold a special place in my heart.

26. Batman: Arkham City - It’s an impressive feat when an open world game can still feel so claustrophobic in all the right ways, and that’s what Arkham City accomplishes. This game is essentially The Dark Knight to Arkham Asylum’s Batman Begins, escalating the action, suspense and sheer Batman-ness, providing unlimited opportunities to enjoy yourself playing as Gotham’s defender and facing down the greatest Rogues Gallery in comic book history.

25. Red Dead Redemption - Look, I know that Red Dead Redemption 2 is technically the superior game. But its complicated story, sprawling cast of characters, and vast canvas of a world can be pretty daunting, whereas I feel like the original Red Dead Redemption struck a much better balance. Allowing open world freedom within the confines of the straight-forward story of John Marston’s redemption really makes you feel like you’re in an old Western film, and the way that choices you make as a player impact the way that film ultimately turns out is one of the strongest arguments for video games being worthy of consideration as true art.

24. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - So, ten years ago an open world adventure video game series releases its fifth entry...and to this day, we’ve had no sixth, in favor of expansions and updated re-releases of said fifth entry. But that’s not a sign of laziness; it’s a sign the developers know they hit such a peak in quality that they have no need to rush anything further out the gate, as Skyrim is a gift that keeps on giving. Addictive in how unlimited in possibilities it is, with each playthrough never being the same as the one before, Skyrim is a gaming masterpiece that I don’t think I’m going to get bored with playing anytime soon.

23. Super Paper Mario - This may be an unpopular opinion, but I vastly prefer this game’s action-platform-RPG hybrid gameplay style to the prior installments’ traditional turn-based RPG style, which feels more at home in stuff like Super Mario RPG and the Mario & Luigi series. But gameplay aside, I think this has the strongest story of any Mario game, trading in the usual “save the kingdom/princess” fare for saving all of reality, with legitimate emotion and drama and even character development. It’s one of the Wii’s shining gems, to be sure.

22. Epic Mickey - This game’s graphics are by and large unremarkable, its gameplay is fraught with issues (that camera is unforgivable), and it’s nowhere close to the best on its system or genre. But Epic Mickey is a case study in where the effort put into crafting the game’s world and story, not to mention the obvious love and respect for the material being worked with, pays off. Any Disney fan will love this game for its story, which puts Mickey front and center as an actual character rather than a mascot and dives deep into his history as he meets his “half-brother” Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, and its mystical, unique atmosphere - what the graphics can’t deliver, the fucking music more than makes up for. All of the game’s flaws mean nothing compared to the sheer heart on display, and I treasure it greatly as a result.

21. Batman: Arkham Asylum - I already mentioned that Arkham City is the superior game, but as was the case with Red Dead Redemption and its sequel, personal preference strikes again. The simpler story and narrower confines of Arkham Asylum just appeal to me slightly more, and I feel like the borderline horror atmosphere this game has could never fully be replicated by all of its sequels and spin-offs. Also, you can play as the Joker in this. WIN.

20. Metal Gear Solid - And on the subject of Arkham Asylum, it owes much to this game, which created the template of a lone badass hero having to use stealth and weaponry to liberate a government-owned island from the lunatic terrorists that have taken over. Hideo Kojima famously never wanted this game to have any sequels, and I can definitely see his point, as it’s a complete and wholly satisfying experience in of itself and I don’t feel like it’s ever been topped. At the very least, it’s certainly the most enjoyable of the series to me.

19. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask - Also, speaking of “borderline horror atmosphere”, we have the freakiest game that the Legend of Zelda series ever put out. What was supposed to just be a gaiden to Ocarina of Time mutated into this beautiful monstrosity that’s become just as iconic. Nobody who plays this game is ever going to forget that fucking moon and all the constant jumping back and forth in time across three days as you try to prevent the apocalypse of Termina. It’s the kind of gaming trauma that’s well worth experiencing.

18. Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories - Like Majora’s Mask, this game is a case study where you can take a bunch of recycled assets and gameplay, and then make something unique from it if you have a well-crafted story with a dark and disturbing atmosphere. It’s hard to experience or appreciate the transition between Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts II without playing this midquel, which takes the narrative and characters to deeper levels without being pretentious about it and sets the stage for the proper console sequel perfectly. And if you can’t get into it being on Gameboy Advance, then just play the PS2 remake (which is arguably the superior version anyway) and you’re good! Just...don’t mind the cards, OK?

17. Sonic CD - And now we have another game about jumping back and forth through time to prevent an apocalypse! See the common threads at play here by this point? Sonic the Hedgehog is at his best in 2D gameplay, and I personally enjoy this the best out of all the 2D games in the series. As obscure as the Sega CD was as a system, it was powerful enough to take the blue blur’s speed to its maximum level, set alongside beautiful graphics and a kick-ass soundtrack (well, two different kick-ass soundtracks; and I actually prefer the US one). 

16. Pokemon Black & White - While there were advancements made to story and graphics and gameplay features in the third and fourth generations of the Pokemon series, nothing felt as truly ground-breaking as the second generation games until the fifth gen with its Black & White games. This was arguably the game series’ peak in quality on all fronts, but its specifically the story that lands it on this list, as its well-written and paced, subverts many formulaic elements from the previous games, is set in one of the most unique regions in the Pokemon world, and has a timeless message that has only grown more relevant with age. 

15. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate - The whole series could really go here, but fortunately the most recent entry is the perfect embodiment of said series, with every playable character there’s ever been and then some. The sheer variety is unmatched by any other fighting game out there, and its story mode, “World of Light”, is quite possibly the greatest video game crossover in history given how many characters are featured as both fighters and spirits.

14. Super Mario 64 - I’m pretty sure this game used to be higher in my favor, but replaying it on the Nintendo Switch recently has made me aware of how, as the first game on the Nintendo 64 and the first 3D platformer, it’s poorly aged in several areas. However, I must stress that it is still a very good game. The fun of going to the various worlds within paintings in Peach’s Castle hasn’t changed, nor has how smoothly and seamlessly Mario managed to make the jump from 2D to 3D. Just like Super Mario Bros., the number of games that owe something to this one is too great to count, and that’s an achievement that remains timeless.

13. Dark Chronicle - Also known as Dark Cloud 2. I hadn’t heard a damn thing about this game before renting it on a whim many years ago, and I was caught off guard by just how good it was. It’s got a simple but effective story and likable characters, a timeless atmosphere, beautifully cel-shaded graphics, dungeon-crawling gameplay, action-RPG combat gameplay, literal world-building gameplay, and even a fishing minigame! This game can actually stand besides the Zelda series without shame; it’s truly an underrated gem.

12. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess - Oh, speaking of Zelda, this game goes full Lord of the Rings-style epic fantasy with it and it is glorious. Between the near perfect gameplay, beautiful 3D graphics, and one of the best stories in the series (with one of the best characters: Midna), Twilight Princess’ most prevalent complaint from critics all the way up to its own developers is that it wasn’t even MORE expansive and awesome given how long it was hyped, and if that’s the biggest issue with the game then I’d say it’s in pretty good shape.

11. Super Mario Galaxy - Super Mario 64 may be held back a little by how its aged, but no such thing is holding back Super Mario Galaxy. Super Mario Odyssey might be as good or possibly even better, but I just don’t hold the same feelings of amazement and respect toward it that I do for this game. From the blitzkrieg-style attack on the Mushroom Kingdom by Bowser to the discovery of Rosalina’s space station, this game had me hooked from the first few minutes, especially with it blaring that awesome orchestral score the whole way through. To this day, I maintain that this is Mario’s greatest 3D adventure. It’s simply magnificent.

10. Final Fantasy X - Ha! See what I did there? This game has caught flak for some of the awkwardness that comes from being the first fully 3D entry in the series, but I think that’s tantamount to nitpicking when compared to all it does right. To me, this was the last really good installment of the main Final Fantasy series, with a story and world so brilliantly developed that the game earned the immediate breakthrough success and acclaim that it found in its native Japan. 20 years later and, as the HD remaster has shown, it still holds up as one of the most engaging JRPG experiences I’ve ever had the pleasure of having.

9. Banjo-Kazooie - At the time, this was basically Rare’s copycat version of Super Mario 64, although considered about as good. Now, however, there’s a difference: the aging issues I mentioned for Super Mario 64 don’t apply for Banjo-Kazooie. Whether replaying it on the Nintendo 64 or on whichever Xbox you’ve got, this game is still just as fun, imaginative and hilarious now as it was back then. It’s quite possibly the greatest 3D platformer ever made.

8. Pokemon Crystal - The definitive edition of the Gold & Silver games of Pokemon’s second generation, taking what was already a phenomenal advancement and improvement to the first generation and making it even better with additional features such as the ability to play as a girl for the first time and a more clearly defined storyline centered around the legendary Pokemon featured on the game’s box art. Pokemon had been written off as just a passing fad up until this point. This was when its staying power as a video game juggernaut was proven.

7. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild - Talk about a win right out of the gate for the Nintendo Switch! This game returns the Legend of Zelda series to its roots while also applying all that has been made possible in video games since the original game’s release, and the result is an enthralling, addictive, open world masterpiece that has set a new standard of quality for both the Zelda series and for many modern video games in general.

6. Kingdom Hearts II - The Final Mix edition to be precise, although in this day and age that’s basically the only edition people are playing anyway. This game is the apotheosis of Kingdom Hearts as both a video game series and as a concept; filled to the brim with Disney magic and Square Enix RPG expertise and paired with some of the most refined action-based gameplay there is. And when it comes to bringing the original Kingdom Hearts trilogy’s story to a close, does this game ever stick the landing. The series could have ended right here and I would have been completely satisfied (and its reputation would be a lot better off, too!)

5. Pokemon Yellow - While I maintain that this game, the definitive edition of the original first generation Pokemon games, still holds up as fun to play even now, I’ll admit that it’s pure bias that it ranks so high. It was the first proper video game I ever played, there was no way I was leaving it off the top 5! Its blissful nostalgic atmosphere is always such a delight to return to.

4. Banjo-Tooie - Remember when I said Banjo-Kazooie was “quite possibly the greatest 3D platformer ever made”? The “quite possibly” is because its in stiff competition with its own sequel! And personally, I’m in Banjo-Tooie’s corner; something about how inter-connected its worlds are and the addition of so many things to do all while maintaining your full moveset from the original game is just beautiful to me. Both it and its predecessor are like obstacle courses that I never tire of running through, which is the hallmark of brilliant game design.

3. Kingdom Hearts - Another case where the sequel may be the superior game, but my own personal preference leans toward the original. And in this case, it’s a highly personal preference: this game and my memories of playing it for the first time are so very dear to me. The characters and worlds of Disney put into an epic crossover RPG was like a dream come true for me and no matter how far the series it spawned has deteriorated, nothing can detract from the magic of this game. It’s got a certain, indescribable feel and atmosphere that’s never truly been replicated, and that feel and atmosphere still holds up whenever I revisit it. The gameplay may not be the best, particularly when compared to Kingdom Hearts II’s, but the charm of the story and the characters and the world and the very concept more than makes up for that. As far as I’m concerned, it’s one of Disney and Square’s greatest masterpieces.

2. Final Fantasy VII - I was aware of the hype this game got and was totally ready to call it overrated, but damn it, it got me! I don’t know what it is about this game with its blocky early 3D graphics, poor sound quality to its excellent soundtrack, and frequently mistranslated script that proved to be so gripping and enjoyable to play through, but man did it ever Limit Break its way into my heart. This is considered a JRPG classic for a damn good reason.

1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - Do I really need to explain this one? It’s famous for being frequently cited as one of the greatest video games ever made, and like Final Fantasy VII, its hype is well-deserved and totally justified. Whether you’re playing it on the Nintendo 64, the Gamecube, the Wii, the 3DS, and hopefully the Nintendo Switch in the future, there is a magic quality to this game that permeates through every step you take in its fully 3D world. It’s a triumph that has stood the test of time, cementing the Zelda series as truly legendary.

[soldierstark]

Double Take | Part 3 | PETER PARKER X READER

Description: After Peter visits the reader as Spiderman and finds out that she likes him, he and Ned start to devise a plan on how he'll make his move... with the unwanted help of Michelle.

Author's Note: If you're a writer, check out my Writing Contest and enter if you'd like to. This is the last part of Double Take and to those of you who've read this series through, thank you for the support! It means the world to me.

Word Count: 1602

Part 1 | Part 2

Ned almost had a heart attack when he looked up from his newest Lego set and saw his friend decked out in his Spiderman suit, staring at him through his window. Putting on a hand over his heart to soothe his rapid heart rate, Ned stood up off of the floor and unlocked the window.

“You are never gonna guess what (Y/N) just said to me,” Peter said giddily as he crawled through the window. He jumped onto the floor silently and took his mask off, taking a seat on Ned’s bed.

“I’m guessing your talk with her went well,” he replied sitting back down on the floor, tending to his Lego set. Ned took note of Peter’s permanent grin and the redness that adorned his cheeks.

Peter looked down at his hands, playing with his mask. “It did.”

“Care to elaborate?” Ned asked looking up at his friend.

“She told me that she likes me,” Peter divulged looking up from his lap. “Well she told Spiderman that she likes Peter, but same thing.”

Ned nodded his head and leaned backwards onto his hands. “Alright, now it’s time for step two.”

Peter’s face went from one of happiness to one of confusion. "Step what now?” he asked raising an eyebrow.

“You know��� step 2. Step 1 was to figure out if (Y/N) liked you back so you could get over your fear of rejection and step 2 is the important step. The one where you make a move,” Ned explained casually.

Peter groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. “Dam I forgot about that part.”

“How could you? That’s literally the whole reason why I told you to talk to (Y/N) as Spiderman dude.”

“It just slipped my mind,” Peter replied sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. “I’ll figu- what are you doing?”

Peter watched confused as Ned placed his phone in between them, the sound of a phone ringing filled the bedroom. “I’m calling in reinforcements,” Ned said simply.

Peter quirked an eyebrow. “Who?” he asked, genuinely curious.

Right as Ned opened his mouth to speak, the ringing stopped and a familiar voice rang out dryly. “What up nerd.”

It was Michelle.

“Hey Michelle, I need to ask you some questions,” Ned stated smiling deviously at Peter who was shaking his head frantically.

She was quiet for a moment. “Regarding what?”

“(Y/N).”

More silence. “What about her?” Michelle asked with a hint of suspicion in her voice.

“Ned hang up,” Peter whisper-yelled, trying to be quiet enough that Michelle couldn’t hear him. Unfortunately, he wasn’t.

“Peter?” Michelle asked confused. He clamped his mouth shut with wide eyes, not replying. “Peter you dumb hoe, I heard your voice stop pretending you’re not there.”

Peter threw his head back with a groan while Ned chuckled. “You’ve been exposed bro.”

“Oh shut up Ned this was your idea not mine,” Peter said rolling his eyes.

“I’m just trying to help you!”

“Help with what Ned? I’m so confused as to wh-“

“Boys!” Michelle yelled over the phone, shutting them up. “Can we please get on with it? Ned, what did you want to ask me?”

“Well,” he trailed off looking at Peter. “Now that Peter’s presence is known, he can ask the questions.”

Peter stood up off the bed and sat across from Ned so he was closer to the phone. “Dammit Ned, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“About step 2!” Ned yelped in frustration.

“How is Michelle supposed to help with step 2?”

“She’s (Y/N)’s best girlfriend she’ll give you advice.”

“Advice on what?”

“On how to do it. Duh.”

"Just ask me the dam questions,” Michelle burst out, starting to get annoyed

Ned cleared his throat. “So it has come to my attention recently that our friend Peter here has like, the biggest crush on (Y/N).”

“Ned!” Peter whined while Michelle laughed.

“Oh my god are you serious?” she asked surprised.

Ned nodded his head but realized Michelle couldn’t see them. “I know right? I was kinda shocked too. Anyway, Peter’s ready to make a move but he doesn’t really know how…”

“And this concerns me how?” Michelle asked.

Peter raised a finger, signaling to Ned that he’ll speak. “I just need some advice. Okay? I have no idea how to go about this and Ned seems to think that you’ll be able to tell me how to ask her out.”

“You want me to tell you how to ask (Y/N) out?” she asked for clarification.

Peter shrugged his shoulders. “Yea pretty much.”

Michelle sighed. “Peter, (Y/N) is one of your best friends too. You know her just as well as I do. I really don’t think you need my help.”

“Well I think I do.”

“Peter!”

He sighed. “Alright fine. I’ll just ask her. Simple, easy, cool, nonchalant.”

“You’re not being cool or nonchalant,” Ned chuckled with a mocking tone.

“Leave him alone Ned!” Michelle said, trying to stifle her laughter. “Peter’s just a little nervous.”

“Dam straight I am. Now I just have to figure when to ask her,” Peter said resting his chin in his hand.

Ned shrugged his shoulders. “Just do it after school tomorrow.”

Peter shook his head. “If I wait that long I’ll chicken out. I’ll do it before school tomorrow. The sooner the better.”

It was silent for a second, the only sound to be heard was the faint shuffling and whispering noises coming from the phone on the floor. Peter and Ned looked at each other for a brief moment then back at the phone.

“Michelle?” Peter asked.

More shuffling. “I’m here. I’m here,” she answered quickly.

“Who were you talking too?” Ned inquired.

No answer, only silence. “Peter…”

“Yes.”

“What would you say if I told you that you could ask (Y/N) out right now?”

Peter laughed nervously, still slightly confused. “I’d say that’s impossible because she’s nowhere near me at this moment.”

“That may be true but…” Michelle trailed off. The phone once again went void of words, only shuffling and faint whispering.

“But what Michelle?”

More shuffling and whispering until the sound of someone clearing their throat came out of Ned’s phone. “Hey Pete,” the new voice said, it became inherently obvious who it was.

Peter’s jaw dropped. “(Y/N)?”

“Yes.”

“How long have you been with Michelle?”

“Long enough to hear the entire conversation.”

Peter looked up at Ned is disbelief who raised his hands up in surrender. “I had no clue dude. Honest.”

With a groan Peter quickly picked up the phone up off of the floor. “See ya in school tomorrow! Gotta go!” he said with a nervous laugh then pressed the end call button.

“Well I was not expecting that,” Ned mumbled to himself.

    “Oh good, you showed up,” Ned chuckled as he saw Peter approach his locker. He shut the metal door and twisted the lock so it was locked.

Peter continued to walk until he was about 3 feet from Ned. “It’s not like I can avoid this. I mean, (Y/N) knows I like her and I know that she likes me. I honestly don’t know why I freaked out yesterday, I was going to ask her out anyway. She just found out in a less than ideal way,” he said shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.

Ned leaned his shoulder against the locker next to his friend. “I didn’t expect you to be so calm about this,” he admitted, raising an eyebrow.

Peter smiled. “Well I hate to break it to ya Ned, but I’m cool, calm, collected, and very pu-…” He stopped mid-sentence, Peter’s eyes focused on something over Ned’s left shoulder.

Ned turned around on his heels, only to see (Y/N) walking down the hallway poised with confidence and self-assurance. The complete opposite of his friend Peter, who was staring at her with what could only be described as love sickness.

(Y/N)’s (Y/H/C) hair bounced behind her as she flashed a smile at the friends she passed in the hallway. Her (Y/E/C) eyes sparkled in amusement as she stopped in front of Ned and Peter, her gaze zeroing in on the latter.

“Hey Peter,” she greeted simply with a devious grin. (Y/N) then turned her head to look at the other boy when she received no response. “Hey Ned. Having a good morning?”

Ned chuckled and looked between his two friends. “I am now. This is just so entertaining.”

She gave him a half-hearted glare then rolled her eyes, looking back at Peter who was still staring at her in silence.  “Do you want to say something Pete?” she asked slowly with a devious grin. “Or I don’t know, ask me something?”

“I, uh, um, aft- um I uh,” Peter stuttered out with wide eyes.

“This is sad bro. Even for you. What happened to I’m cool, calm, and collected?” Ned asked trying to stifle his laughter.

Peter’s cheeks went red. “Ned!” he yelped sharply, clearly embarrassed.

“Oh for fucks sake,” (Y/N) grumbled, grabbing onto Peter’s shoulders.

Ned watched in surprise and slight amusement as she brought her lips down to Peter’s, kissing him full on the lips. He almost cooed at the sight of his two best friends sharing a sweet kiss, though it only lasted a second.

(Y/N) pulled away, not looking super frazzled unlike Peter who was touching his lips with widened pupils. She gave Peter a smile and readjusted her backpack on her shoulders.

“Yes Peter… I’ll go out with you.”

Tagged:

@slythergirlimagines

@httpjilly

@skymoonandstardust

@torasshu-sama @letsunalivethem

@mary-19

@brooke-supernatural16

@aussie-mantle

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@randomwerido

@newmysticorleans

@spideys-avengers

@onelovewonderwoman

​​ @probleforfuturetech @soccerstud004   

@tomquaksonsholland

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@jesterrose1213 @lamia-maizat @lostqueen1613

@eliza-hamilton-helpless

@darlingimafangirl

@riverdalemami

[borderlineguy92]

40K in debt

Yeah I’m 26 years old and already 40k in debt. It’s actually really sad. I bring this up because I just added at least another 2k to that last night.

The clinic I go to was worried about me because I’ve been in a pretty bad rut these past few weeks and they called 911 on me. I didn’t tell anyone I was going to kill myself or anything I just didn’t answer their phone calls because I was tired of talking to them. I guess in hindsight this was stupid on my part.

Anyway, I’m minding my own business fully nude in the tub (I thought taking a bath would relax me) when I get a ring at my door. My apartment has a video doorbell system so I see like 6 cops/ems people outside. I let them in because the last thing I want to do is make a scene and have my nosy super (who lives next to me) show up. They search my apartment and find some empty pill bottles that haven’t been filled in weeks I guess and they’re like yeah we have to take you to the hospital. And of course who shows up but my nosy super. He’s like what’s going on and I tell him that I’m going to the hospital because I’m sick which I guess isn’t a lie but it seemed to satisfy him.

At the hospital I tried to escape twice (again stupid on my part but I was pissed) the second time one of these cis bro nurses says to me he’ll “bodyslam me onto the ground if I try to run again”. Wow super helpful - I’m really glad this hospital is here to take care of me in my time of need. I tell him to fuck off and then his face twists up like a rabid squirrel. Seriously he could use some DBT. Another person (idk who she is, she’s just wearing scrubs which tells you nothing at a hospital) ushers me away and takes me to psych.

I have to change into these awful ass paper clothes that are too small for me. I stand in my cell (because let’s be real these holding rooms are cells - there’s literally no difference) and wait around for the doctor to see me.

The doctor walks in and I immediately know what I’m dealing with. This will be a piece of cake. She looks in her 50s. Exhausted. And like she just wants to go home. She asks me the typical questions on her checklist. “How did you get here?” “Are you feeling suicidal right now?” “Have you ever attempted suicide in the past?” “Have you ever been hospitalized?” I straight up lie. Not because I want to die but because I know staying here will be a waste of mine and everyone’s time. We talk for about 90 seconds and she seems satisfied. She tells me she’s going to send me home.

I wait for them to get my clothes back when she pops in again. Tonya (one of the clinical supervisors at my clinic) has somehow gotten in touch with her. Great. Apparently Tonya tells them I have a pretty extensive psych history. Damnit Tonya. I was almost out of this fucking mess. Lucky for me this tired-ass doctor still doesn’t give a fuck and is like “Well you seem fine to me so I’m going to release you.” LOL talk about not giving a flying fuck.

She leaves. One of the psych nurses gives me my clothes and escorts me to the exit. Unfortunately my phone is dead. In a last ditch effort to I guess pretend she cares somewhat she asks if I need help getting home. I mean it is 1am and I’m not familiar with this part of town. I ask where the nearest train is and she points in random direction and says “I think it’s 2 blocks that way.” Great. What did people do before phones and gps.

An hour later I’m finally home. What a wonderful 5 hour adventure into America’s mental health system that was. Said no one ever. And on top of that I now easily owe 2 grand or more (after insurance pays) to a greedy company that never cared or wanted to help me in the first place.

Anyway it was another wake up call for me. You can’t expect a system that is inherently broken to fix you. I don’t belong in those places. Life is bad sometimes, but it’s not that bad, bad enough where you lose all your rights and people treat you like you’re a criminal.

In all seriousness though if you feel like you need to go to the hospital to be safe do it. It serves a purpose. It’s there when you need it. Try to get to a good hospital though if you can make it. I would defientely not recommend NYU Lagone in Brooklyn.

Please know I’m good and remember to stay safe,

Z

[partlycharlie-archive]

(we ain’t) got no time

chapter one: #fuckhydra #fuckpanicattacks link to chapter two

summary: “Thanks, Shellhead,” Winter mutters, and Tony is once again startled, this time by the unhindered sound of Winter’s voice. He probably should’ve realized, especially considering he was the one who has created the technology, but Winter’s voice modulation is controlled with the mask, meaning that the voice he just heard is Winter’s normal speaking tone. Fuck. It’s fucking gorgeous. word count: 3,513 warnings: panic attack, mention of torture & rape a/n: this was my fic for the @capreversebb ! thanks so much to my amazing artist @massivespacewren and my beta @capolleon <3 love you guys

art!

read on ao3

It starts with…

Well.

It starts with a fall.

A bit more of a literal fall than most falls at the beginning of a story, but a fall nonethe-

Wait.

No.

No, no, no.

Sorry. Wrong timeline.

Anyway -

It starts with a kidnapping. To be fully accurate - not a kidnapping, per say. A little bit less common than a kidnapping (just a little bit), but still very exciting.

So. Setting up the scene:

Picture this: The Asset, sitting in The Chair (as one does, of course), long brown hair flowing majestically past its (because Assets don’t get human pronouns, obviously) shoulders -

(Just kidding, the Asset hasn’t showered in like 60 years, so.)

- long brown hair flowing greasily past its shoulders, hiding its face from view. Handcuffs (metal, but, like, reinforced, obviously, because the Asset has Mad Strength) attached to its arms and legs. The annoying as fuck domino mask still attached to the bottom half of its face (because fuck talking, am I right?). Naked.

No joke - just. Full on naked. Dick hanging out, hairy legs, emasculated stomach, the whole deal. The Asset doesn’t generally get clothes when it’s not on a mission, because its Handlers either hate him or have really weird (or fucked up? AND fucked up) kinks.

Or both?

Ew.

Anyway.

Also: Brock Rumlow (a.k.a Certified AssholeTM) standing in front of it, arms crossed across his chest.

(His muscles bulging, because even Certified AssholesTM work out.)

Rumlow (who will now be known as Handler One because… Asset logic) is talking about the mission, probably. The Asset is listening, of course, probably taking notes in its mind or something (like a nerd), when something interesting is said.

“… and this’ll be a long-term mission, you got it?” Handler One redirects his attention to the agents standing behind The Chair (and yes, The Chair will be keeping those capital letters, thank you very much, reader) and fixes a narrow-eyed glare upon them.

(Is it racist to think he looks oddly Asian like that?

Yeah, yeah it is.

Wait, isn’t his grandfather Japanese?

Besides the point.)

“It’ll be your job to make sure it doesn’t malfunction, yeah? I shouldn’t have to tell you that more time without a wipe equals more memories, so you’re going to need to go for some sort of Dominance Establishment every week or so. Think you assholes can handle it?”

The agents nod quickly, heads bobbing like those little action figures with disproportionately large  heads. Figureheads? Head-bobbles? Bobbleheads? Whatever.

“Alright,” Handler One says, eyebrows twitching momentarily. “Get him suited up. Let’s go.” The Asset is lifted out of The Chair by two of the agents standing behind it.

(What the hell is up with that malfunction, by the way? The Asset needs to get its shit together, honestly.)

“Should we hose it down?” Agent One asks with a raised eyebrow. Handler One shrugs.

“May as well.”

Ugh.

 ---

 After The Asset has been hosed down (always a fun experience, with the freezing water and all), it’s dressed in the customary armor. It takes the guns laid out in front of it and places them in the concealed holsters, grenades in the holders along its waist, knives in the sheathes hidden in its boots and sleeves and torso and pants and -

You get the point.

According to Handler One, this mission is an in-and-out - in New York - Manhattan, specifically -

(Brooklyn’s better, but it guesses it can deal with the city.)

(Wait, what?)

- on the East Coast of the United States.

A minor government official, supposedly covering as one while in reality being the head of an organization called the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division (more commonly known as SHIELD by those aware of its existence). Colonel Nicholas Joseph Fury, known as Nick Fury by associates. Despite his title, a severe lack of security has been noticed - possibly because of his capabilities as a military official, possibly because of the need to maintain his cover.

The Asset’s job is not to kill (fortunately, as killing tends to lead to an odd churning in its chest area), but to only temporarily injure and (if possible) tranquilize, leading to the kidnapping of Colonel Nicholas Joseph Fury. If all goes well, its mission will result in the conversion of Colonel Nicholas Joseph Fury into a Hydra agent, used as a double agent to further infiltrate SHIELD.

The Asset tugs on the sleeves of its suit, futilely attempting to straighten out the wrinkles in the crisp white shirt caused by the plates of its metal arm. It smooths down the lines of its slacks, adjusts the way the socks slide into the dress shoes (uncomfortable as they are), and uses the black hairband provided to it to tie its hair into what is referred to in modern culture as a "man-bun". It is suddenly reminded of red hair, pulled tightly into a - ballerina bun?

To be ignored.

 ---

The Asset is transported via Agents One through Five into what Handler Two calls a "Quinjet", a flying device piloted by Agents Three and Four, with Agent One to its right and Agent Two sitting in a reclined position across from it.

"Why the hell did Rumlow decide we all needed to be here, again?"

Agent Two responds in kind. "Fuck if I know. The bitches in Asset Chem told Rumlow it gets aggressive when it goes too long without a wipe or something." Agent One nods.

"So what, you think he wants us here to fuckin' secure it if it goes wild? Guy's gotta know we can't take it when it gets like that, Jesus Christ."

Hell yeah, you can't, crosses its mind, and then abruptly -

Where the hell did that come from?

To be ignored.

 ---

 The Asset pulls at the cuffs of its stark white sleeves, face twitching at the way the cuffs itch against its skin.

“Oh - fuck, bro.” Agent Two glances up from his tablet.

“Yeah?” he asks, eyebrow twisting in confusion. “What’s up?”

“Are we gonna have to cut his fucking hair?”

Fuck.

 ---

 Hair freshly shortened (shunned? Shorned? Cut. It was fucking cut.), the Asset cringes at the way the tiny hairs feel against its neck when it shakes its head back and forth and back and forth -

It forcibly stops the movement of its head, holding both of its hands to the sides of its heads to stop the almost subconscious shaking.

Phew. Much better.

 ---

 The lights were too bright, so the Asset (“Alexander Davidson” for tonight - but “his” friends all call him Alex, so everyone he meets should too) pulls out the sunglasses stowed in the lining of his jacket and slips them on. If it had the added benefit of hiding nervous eyes from the agents, who were almost definitely looking for an excuse to practice their BDSM bullshit (wait - BDSM? The Asset… probably shouldn’t know what that is) on him, well. It couldn’t hurt, right?

Yes, it could. Oh well.

“Fury’s out on your seven, Asset,” Agent Two says into his microphone. The Asset readjusts its earpiece (manipulated to look like a hearing aid in order to allay suspicion) to show that he heard.

“… and we said, ‘If the U.N. won't remove those landmines, we will.’ And we personally dug up over a thousand unexploded land mines from the area surrounding the orphanage.”

The Asset smiles widely, pulling out the Brooklyn charm it knew so well. “That’s… wow, Rachel, that’s amazing.”

Wait. Brooklyn charm?

To be ignored.

Rachel smiles demurely in return, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Thank you so much! What did you say you did, Alexander?”

The Asset is probably supposed to say something like “Please, call me Alex,” maybe accompanied by a wink, or a lascivious smile, or something along those lines, but honestly it can’t be bothered.

Instead, it brushes a hand through its (unbearably short, this is ridiculous) hair, shrugging mildly. “I have a minor position in the government. Nothing big, though -” it leans in close as if sharing a secret, and Rachel’s eyes widen, “- I have met the president.”

Technically, it isn’t even a lie. He did meet the president, but it was less meeting and more observing through a rifle scope, and the president wasn’t alive by the time the meeting was over.

Yes, the Asset killed the president. Any problems?

It doesn’t think so.

“Wow, really?” Rachel lays a ring-adorned hand on her chest, leaning back as if to confirm the honesty of the Asset’s statement (by looking into its eyes? Okay, sure.)

(Also. This woman is married and trying to pick up Alexander Davidson? Jesus Christ.)

Her eyes crinkles. “What’s he like?” she asks, her head bobbing a little.

The Asset’s eyebrows raise, and it considers its words. Who’s the president right now? There’s something important about him, too…

Ah! Obama, Barack Hussein. The first black one, at least for America.

What a backwards country.

“He’s nice. Very - honest? Yes. Honest. A good man, I’d say.”

Rachel smiles widely, the red lipstick on her teeth shining brightly in the lights of the party. “Oh, well, I’d hope so - he is our president after all!”

It glances off to the side. Don’t jinx it, Rachel.

“… right. Well. I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid I must go… mingle some more.” It gives her the most sincere apologetic smile it can muster (which isn’t much, to be honest), and turns away as fast as it can.

“Mister… Davidson, am I right?” The Asset glances around hurriedly, and - there, on it’s three - Colonel Nicholas Joseph Fury.

“Yes, that’s me,” it says, smiling widely.

(Not too widely - the Asset had been given lessons on how to smile properly in certain situations after almost ruining a mission because “it smiled like a fuckin’ psycho, Jesus Christ”.)

“And you are - Nicholas Fury?”

“Yes. You, though - you can call me Nick.”

Damn it. The Asset knows it should’ve given that line to Rachel. It would’ve worked like a charm, just like it is for Colonel Nicholas Joseph Fury.

Wait. Is it working? What is Colonel Nicholas Joseph Fury trying to accomplish here?

Is this mission turning into a honeypot?

“Holy fuck, this mission is turning into a honeypot!” Agent One’s nasal voice blasts through the comms. The Asset winces, reaching up to its ear to lower the painful volume.

Colonel Nicholas Joseph Fury frowns. “Is everything okay? Mr. Davidson?”

“Please - Alex is fine,” it says, shaking its head as if to shake away flies.

“No worries - my hearing aid went a little rough, sorry.”

“Asset - Asset, you have to fuck him!”

Agent One snorts, soft in the Asset’s ear. “See - oh my god, Asset - ha, see if you can get a visual!”

It tunes them out.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Would you rather talk somewhere more… quiet, then?”

The Asset’s smile is almost genuine.

“Of course.”

 ---

 five years later

It starts with…

Well.

It starts with a fall.

A bit more of a literal fall than most falls at the beginning of a story, but a fall nonetheless.

You see, dear reader, Tony Stark is a genius.

(Real facts right here.)

As a genius, it’s part of his job to think of solutions to problems nobody else would even be able to dream of.

Yes, he’s serious - it’s in the job description. Look it up.

At any rate, Tony spends a shit load of time, figuring out solutions (too much time, if you listen to Pepper - but Pepper’s not the (only) one keeping the board happy, so Tony usually doesn’t bother).  His most recent stroke of genius?

Altitude trackers.

Altitude. Trackers.

!!!!

Like a regular tracker, right? But with altitude, too!

Are you clapping yet?

No?

Well.

Oh - you don’t understand why!

Of course.

As you have almost certainly noticed by now, the non-flying Avengers (and even sometimes the flying ones - damn it, Sam!) have started habitually jumping off buildings, apparently with the (totally and absolutely ridiculous) assumption that someone would be available to catch them before they fell to their DEATH.

Sure, they’d been lucky so far, but certain… events, let’s say, had convinced him it was only a matter of time.

 ---

 “Ew.” Tony’s nose crinkles severely as he examines the slime on his suit. The comms crackle suddenly, and Clint’s voice floods into his ear.

“Listen, y’all - ew, Jesus - as long as you don’t - oh my God, eugh, holy shit - get any of the slime on your skin, you’ll be fine. Probably.”

Tony snorts. He blasts up into the air and shakes his body furiously, something about the action reminding him of a dog, as he watches with a sort of morbid fascination as the specks of slime come flying off him.

“What exactly happens when the slime gets on you?” he asks, landing softly back down on the ground (and on top of a dead slug, ew).

There’s a hesitation coming from the other end, but finally Steve speaks.

“Well. You start, um. Throwing up slugs.”

Jesus Christ.

Someone reads too much Harry Potter in their free time.

“Yikes. Be sure to avoid that, then.”

Tony finds himself settling into a sort of rhythm: repulsor blast, gunshot, building jump rescue (the assholes), then a flight to a different area to start the whole process all over again. He’d just fired off a repulsor blast towards one of the slugs when -

“WINTER!”

Tony swivels around and - there, right behind him, the Winter Soldier free falling from a building half a mile away from him. He glances around as quick as he can, but there’s no sign of anyone who can stop Winter’s fall.

He starts flying -

Ten seconds until arrival.

Two thousand feet and six inches to impact.

Nine seconds until arrival.

One thousand eight hundred eighteen feet and seven inches to impact.

- just a little bit farther -

Eight seconds until arrival.

One thousand six hundred thirty six feet and nine inches to impact.

Seven seconds until arrival.

One thousand four hundred fifty four feet and eleven inches to impact.

- and he can see the fear pooling in Winter’s eyes -

Six seconds until arrival.

One thousand two hundred seventy three feet and one inch to impact.

Five seconds until arrival.

One thousand ninety one feet and two inches to impact.

- his heart pounding in his ears -

Four seconds until arrival.

Nine hundred nine feet and four inches to impact.

- and he pushed the blasters just a little bit farther -

Three seconds until arrival.

Seven hundred twenty seven feet and five inches to impact.

- come on come on come on -

Two seconds until arrival.

Five hundred forty five feet and seven inches to impact.

- and -

One second until arrival.

Three hundred sixty three feet and nine inches to impa-

“Gotcha,” he murmurs, catching Winter with one metal-covered hand. He notices with a start that Winter’s mask (new and improved by yours truly) is hanging off by one strap attached to his right ear, but Winter’s hair is being blown into his face by the wind, so Tony isn’t too worried.

“Thanks, Shellhead,” Winter mutters, and Tony is once again startled, this time by the unhindered sound of Winter’s voice. He probably should’ve realized, especially considering he was the one who has created the technology, but Winter’s voice modulation is controlled with the mask, meaning that the voice he just heard is Winter’s normal speaking tone.

Fuck.

It’s fucking gorgeous.

All baritone and shit - God, Winter sounds like he just got out of bed. Maybe it’s the two-thousand-foot fall? Maybe he’s just surprised? Whatever it is, it sounds fucking amazing.

Tony can’t believe it’s been five years and that’s the first he’s heard of Winter’s voice.

He needs to hear that way more often.

 ---

 So.

Yeah.

He decided, right there and then, that he needed to make altitude trackers.

In his defense - that had been scary! Yeah, so he knew that people fell at an average of 181.86 feet per second, and that he was only around ten seconds away, and that at most he would’ve gotten to maybe 200 hundred feet above the ground before someone managed to catch him, but. Still.

At any rate, that’s what he’s doing. He had needed to redesign Clint’s armor at some point (after the slug incident, Clint had blatantly refused to wear armor that showed any skin below the face), and this provided the perfect excuse.

“J - give me some AC/DC.”

Shoot to Thrill starts blasting through the workshop speakers, and muscles that he didn’t even realize were tense start relaxing of their own volition.

“Okay, so… stretch vinyl for the sleeves, because of course he wants sleeves, maybe cotton for the legs? Cotton spandex maybe… I should give him a fucking ass cutout, see how much he likes that… maybe the tracker in the forearm stitching? No, his arm guards… maybe the middle of his chest? That’d probably be the most accurate…”

“Sir?”

Tony’s head jerked up from where it was stubbornly stationed, buried deep in holographic designs.

“Yeah?” After answering, Tony absentmindedly notes that the music’s volume has been turned down.

“The Winter Soldier is requesting entrance, Sir. Shall I allow him to enter?”

Tony waves a hand, already turning back to Clint’s armor designs. “Yeah, yeah, let ‘im in.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tony registers the quiet noise of his workshop doors entering, but he doesn’t bother looking up just yet. When he does, though, he finds the soldier sitting on his ass (on the floor, no less), knees cradled to his chest and head buried in between his thighs.

Tony hurriedly grabs the digital notepad he had been using to take notes and scribbles something down.

@j wht tm dd he cm dwn

Bright blue words appear quickly, a ding sounding that would’ve alerted him to their presence if he hadn’t been staring intently at the screen.

~3:20 PM. Time now is 4:17 PM.

hw long bn sitting ?

~50 minutes.

“Shit”, he mutters, and scrambles over to where Winter is crouched.No response, but that’s okay.

“Hey, buddy,” he says in as calming a tone as he can manage, “I’m gonna rest my hand on your thigh, okay?”

He places his hand delicately on Winter’s thigh. Almost immediately, Winter’s hand - flesh, this one, which means it’s bad - grasps his, but Winter had taken his goggles off and Tony can see that his eyes are firmly clenched shut.

Without moving his hand from its precarious position, he arranges his legs into a more comfortable position, laying his other hand on top of Winter’s to sweep his thumb back and forth in a soothing gesture. He’s never done it before when the soldier is in the midst of one of his panic attacks, so he doesn’t know how it’ll affect him, but at this point (fifty minutes!) Tony’s willing to try anything?

“Winter? How you doin’?”

It takes a few seconds, Winter’s mouth opening and closing as he tries to find his voice, but finally he says, “Winghead.”

Tony has to hold back a cringe (Winter’s voice is hoarse as fuck) as he pushes himself off of the floor, already heading towards his private exit. “Yeah, yeah - of course, why would you - aha, yeah, yeah, I’ll go get him, he’ll be right back - here, sorry, yeah, okay.”

He slips quietly through the door in the back of his workshop, and the suit is already there waiting for him to step into it.

“Thanks, JARVIS,” he whispers, stepping carefully into the suit and watching as it closes around him. Holograms pop up around him as his faceplate closes, showing him his vitals and the dimensions of the room he’s in.

He opens the door again to find Winter in the same position, hand still resting on his thigh where Tony’s was before.

Ugh.

He stomps over, trying to be as quick as possible. “Hey Winter - y’ think maybe we should head on over to the couch?”

Winter nods, nothing more than a tiny shake of his head, and Tony picks him up almost immediately, easy as anything. He heads over to the couch he keeps in the workshop (usually for when he’s too tired to head up to his floor, though it does help for times like these) and sits down, placing Winter down to his right as gently as possible.

The soldier almost immediately curls up into Tony’s side (always surprising, considering his side is made of metal) and lays his hand (skin-and-bone, again) on Tony’s chest, right above the arc reactor. Almost without him thinking about it, the gauntlet on his left arm retracts, leaving his skin bare from hand to elbow. He grabs Winter’s hand and entwines his fingers with Tony’s own, resting their hands on his knees.

With Tony’s right arm free, he lays it across Winter’s shoulders and the soldier almost immediately curls his head into the junction between Tony’s armpit and chest. Tony’s mouth curls into a sappy smile (ew), and he almost tries to tamp it down before realizing that Winter can’t see it.

“Everything’s okay, sweetheart, everything’s fine.”