#and these things in combination as it turns out kind of fuck up pigment production in a major way

[mantisgodsdomain]

We're going to talk about our cool vampire guy headcanons again. We like to set Monsieur Scarlet as a member of Solenopsis invicta, albeit a very unconventional example of the species. As a fire ant, technically, he is venomous - however, he's not actually had venom production online for decades, and at this point the cost for Making That Bite Work Again far outweighs the perceived benefit.

Would it be directly useful for his survival to be capable of injecting people with venom that causes intense burning sensations? Yes, probably, especially since he's at a scale where the swelling induced would probably take out an arm for hours at a time. He's just not going to fix it, because that takes life force that he could be using for other purposes, like breathing, or keeping his heart running, or having an emergency teleportation stock so that he can fling himself a metre or two in any direction when need be.

[rgr-pop]

On New Year’s Day this year I was putting away all my makeup from the night before (big night for makeup) and I decided that I would put all the makeup I use in a bag until the bag fills up, to see what I actually use. Well, color cosmetics, by which I mean non-base products, which is not what “color cosmetics” means but I’m my own boss. And this isn’t really everything, just stuff I wore out or to see people--which, to be fair, I don’t like to wear makeup unless I’m gonna be seen, and I don’t photograph my face anymore, so. Not bad for a shut-in though! I am ready to put my things back in order and reflect! Ft. night photos. 

What’s shown above is just the stuff I reached back into the bag for over and over again (cheating? I am my own boss, remember), and stuff that featured in some of my best or most memorable looks this year. The rest will follow. 

As you can see I leaned into pantone candid coral, lol, but coral is, always, my primary color for everything on my face. I had really imagined to use coral with a lot of grey lavenders, and I’m pleased to say I returned to that over and over again and came into loving it. It’s the classic for me. I had also planned to do a lot of coral + gold and coral + periwinkle but I rarely did!

COMMENTARY AFTER THE CUT even though I think you should be forced to read it

The original UD Naked palette @laskyjedneplavovlasky​ handed me down to keep me from buying it when it got discontinued just because it is now Retro and she knew I’d regret it. I like it! I’m gladder I didn’t spend money on it! The thing about me is that I don’t know how to wear or use “neutrals,” so I am learning and growing more with this palette than anything else I have. I expect we’ll see some interesting developments over the next few weeks. As for shimmery neutrals, I still think UD has the best, and I’ve long been a Sin fan. I use this Sin--I have it in like three other palettes--wet. My favorite thing to do with it is to wet a brush--weirdly I love the one that came with this thing--and use it to lay sin vertically down the center of my lid going over the crease, so it looks like actual silk.

NYX Ultimate Mult-Finish palette in Sugar High. These palettes are underwhelming for the price (didn’t I gift you a different colorway of this @madmoths​? do you agree that it’s finnicky?) but the shades here are too ideal and I use some combination of them constantly. If I were some “one palette only” rich bitch I’d get whatever the Nars equivalent of this is and just be like that forever.

Some other coral bits: Nars Orgasm blush, Benefit ultra plush lip gloss in Coralista (I still love these to death! you can’t get them!), Stila watercolor blush in Water Lily (another great thing you can’t get anymore but if you covet it it’s just a knockoff of many Korean products). That blush is Model Co’s blush cheek powder in Peach Bellini, it only recently went back into circulation because I had to repress it after breaking it four the literal third time but I could not find my alcohol spray bottle for umm two months. This is one of the nicest blushes I own just in terms of beauty and application, I need to see how long it lasts to be able to determine whether it’s top five. Happy to see you can still buy it.

That cream palette is an ancient Stila lip and cheek palette that I am determined to use “up” this year. Still smells and works great. I’ve been using those corals, obviously, but I’m reminded now how gorgeous that plum is. I didn’t really lean heavily into my black cherry victorian winter look, like I normally do, so maybe for spring? I’m thinking the next wave is black cherry + dark green for spring. Maybe with... mustard? Will report back.

That Colourpop eyeshadow is Erotic, one of the first products I ever got from them, miraculously still functioning although I can tell it’s kind of on its last legs. I need to use it up, I mean, I’m going to use it up, because it’s one of my favorite eyeshadows ever. I am hunting a perfect dupe! That shade is precisely the coral that I mean when I talk about coral.

Colourpop’s Chasing Rainbows palette. I never would have picked this out for myself but Lucas got sucked into a display at Ulta at Christmas and thought this was very cool, and, he was right? It’s so nice and I really recommend it. But I’m sure you can tell what I’ve been using most... I think if those teals had been something else (a baby blue?) and there was one more slightly shifty shimmer in a translucent base, this would be a basically perfect palette. 

That Huda sapphire palette is....we’re trying to work it out. I am trying to like it at all. (I actually love the silver glitter that temptalia gave an F, lol. She rates on claims but if you use it with only your fingers and a tacky tacky base it looks very neat on the lid.) 

I’ve had a rocky relationship with that MUFE palette (for a minute I thought it was the only thing temptalia had ever steered me wrong on!) but I’ve really come around on it. I use that suite of purples all the time and they are very luxe and dreamy on me, even if I wanted them to be opaque “colors” when I got them. I also use that blush in the center as a “transition shade” to blend out the edges of anything else I do with this palette.

I forgot to open that little TheBalm single, it’s a promotional single (lol!) from their Nude Dude palette. I can’t imagine spending money on the fucking TheBalm schitck, oh my god. This thing is a beauty though, a really nice purpley nude that was almost made just for me. I just cannot, no matter what I do, work any kind of “nude” into my every day life. I can’t. I want to pan this but..  I will not.

The tiny tube is a Bare Minerals Marvelous Moxie lipstick in Get Ready. This was some kind of free birthday gift years ago? I never wore it because it is marginally “nude” so I did not learn until after they discontinued it that it is the best! I would buy a full size of this! (Well, I like the shade well enough--it’s really more of a medium pink than a nude--but I’d likely look for something bolder if I did.) It feels and smells almost exactly like the nicest Tom Ford lipsticks. I will have to try their new lipstick line--but their shit is all nude now! They have such nice formulas of dumb fucking nude everything!!

Colourpop Flexitarian highlighter is my favorite highlighter. The hurus are not lying! Below that is Anastasia’s Aurora palette--for ages I used the green all the time, but I’ve been using the peach-pinks and purples a lot more, as you could guess. I’m really aching for a straightforward pink highlighter. Then we have THE MAYBELLINE PUMA HIGHLIGHTER. What is it actually called? Chrome Highlight in Knockout. I cannot remember anything before this highlight. See, I know a lot of people like this line, but I had never been driven to try them, and I only got this because I got sucked into the whole thing, and I am strongly undisappointed. It’s not exactly unique but unique to my collection, and is the only kind of gold like that I have, and it has a slight rosy-purple base that is perfect for me and for the coral-lavender thing I’ve been doing. 

In the lower right corner is a little bit of a pink look--nothing new for me, I use that hot pink NYX Primal pigment all the time and have for years. It’s not the very best on the market but it’s buildable and the absolute perfect pink, so I’d say it’s probably the best for the price. The lip products are newer to me, a NYX “Slide On Glide On” lip pencil in Disco Rage (!) that Lucas got me for Christmas, which is great? Turns out the $10 lipliner is nicer than the $3 lipliner? Hate that! And a lipstick from a recent limited edition Revlon glitter collection in SE purple tubes--I had a very Collector moment about these and had to have one. This one 100 Watts Pink. I really kind of want more but I have restraint (a glittery pink is practical and everyday wearable!), that shit is getting expensive... HOWEVER! This reminds me that I fell back in love with some other Revlon Super Lustrous lipsticks, particularly FIRE AND ICE (!), thanks to temptalia revisiting them this year. Where did I put that?...

The colourpop super shock shadow on the bottom is Daddy. One of my best looks this month was, well, I had planned something entirely different but I put on youtube while I was getting dressed and Chloe Morello posted this so I had to reroute. She looks unbelievable, it’s a great look. This took a lot of building but it looked so fucking good, I wore it with the CP blue mascara (below), cobalt + bright lavender is a very good combination.

There are some more greige lavenders down there, Revlon’s Illuminance cream shadow palette in Wild Orchids--this maybe doesn’t wear that long but as an...item? concept? it’s one of my favorites ever. That glitter tube is a J.Cat holographic 3D eye topper thing, the shade is Unicorn Hype. I have two of these and would buy more. This was Tati’s influence! I love this brand and like this product, still wanna get the mousse ones but they were always sold out when she was hyping them last year. This one is, however, starting to get a slightly concerning chemical smell that will probably not keep me from putting it on my eyelids.

Aaaand... imho the product of the year is this CP mascaras. I got the red and the blue. IIRC the red is a little finnicky and the blue wears very nicely but they are by far the most vibrant and pigmented and beautiful colored mascaras I’ve ever used and I could not recommend them more highly. I especially adore the blue for all the time wear but I do think other brands have come out with great blue mascars. But what are you gonna do.... pick up some other red mascara? You’re not! (Well, I’m hoping the impact of these trickles down!!) You don’t need a white base under these at all, and they are definitely more of a volumizing and clumping formula vs. lengthening. 

[rattheunloved]

A Highly Pigmented Rant.

Once upon a time art was gatekept less by skill and more by the fact that pigments (being most often ground from minerals, oxidized from toxic metals, and painstakingly leeched and fixed from botanicals... or made from straight up ground up mummies) were very, very, very expensive. This is why a lot of artists had patrons.

Artists made their own paints from ground pigments, binders, etc. by hand, and it wasn't cheap or easy. Van Gogh used bits of wool to test his ideas for color combinations because paint was so fucking expensive.

For once the Industrial revolution did like three things correctly, because we no longer had to boil snail juice for purple. But... it did centralize production, which... has its weaknesses.

The thing is that if/when a color falls out of favor with the automotive industry there's a good chance (almost a guarantee) that the market dives. And in our age of dependency upon single-source overseas manufacture (for good or ill) there might only be or or two companies in the ENTIRE WORLD producing a specific pigment.

In the late 1990s the only global manufacturer of po49 (Quinacridone Gold) discontinued production and sold their remaining stock to Daniel Smith Co. About five years ago Daniel Smith ran out. "Ah" you might say "But it's only ONE color, what's the problem with that!?"

Most folks know basic color theory. Cyan, Yellow, Magenta/ Red, Green, Blue/ Red, Yellow, Blue. Some use a split primary palette that has a combination. Mix those colors in various quantities and you get basically every color in existence... in theory. Most often, however, you get mud.

Why is that? That's because most art supplies use combinations of pigments to achieve their colors. And the more pigments you add to visually get to a color, the much higher the chances of mixtures becoming sludge.

Green is actually kind of a bastard color. There aren't a lot of sources for "green" that aren't mixes. Most greens are quite blueish, though some (like Chromium Oxide - PG17) are very "green" but also very opaque. PO49 was a bright, clean, transparent, single-pigment, lightfast, inexpensive, warm yellow. So a lot of greens switched to using a combination of it and Pthalo Green (PG7, a fairly blue, but very strong and lightfast color) ... and then it got kneecapped.

They switched to PO48 (Quinacridone Burnt Orange) or PY150 (Nickel Azo Yellow) and sometimes either of the first two with a dash of PV19 (Quinacridone Rose) to try and make a substitute for PO48. You can see the problem here, right? Instead of one color, it's now three, one of which is very, very, pink. Instead of your sap green being two colors it's now four. And it looks different. And if you even touch it to another color your chance of getting mud increases exponentially.

And then... it happened again several more times.

The last few years alone we've lost several pigments including PO48 (Quinacridone Burnt Orange), PO73 (Pyrrol Orange), PO59 (Nickel Orange), and PR206 (Quinacridone Burnt Scarlet). For SOME there are alternative single-pigment colors, but they're often a little less lightfast, or toxic, or almost impossible to source. I panic bought a bunch of PR206's pinker version because it's a palette staple for me. I heard other pigments might be going the same way and bought up a few extras just in case.

Yes, there are a few companies that still have stock out there, but it's dwindling fast and really mostly left to the small artisan manufacturers to turn those liquid dispersions into usable pigments and paints. You CAN still get Quin Gold from a few sources. You CAN still scour the internet for the last few Quin Burnt Oranges and Scarlets in sticks and pans and big tubes. But one day, unless a company steps up, they'll be gone.

And it hurts something deep, deep, in my weird little soul that a color can go extinct.

[katvondworld]

Before there was Kylie Jenner, there was Kat Von D. Nearly a decade ago, the tattoo artist famous for a career in reality television and a string of tabloid-fodder relationships took her notoriety and turned it into a global beauty empire. Today, Kat Von D Beauty is one of Sephora’s most successful brands, with products that sell out in a matter of weeks and rack up tens of thousands of glowing reviews and live events that attract hundreds of fans.

Like Kylie, Kat has an instantly recognizable, highly-stylized aesthetic. It’s a combination of punk, goth, and good old-fashioned rock ’n’ roll, featuring lots of black (and lately, head-to-toe red) outfits in faux leather and kooky avant-garde shapes. Jet-black hair, red lipstick, and predilection for mismatched eye makeup have become her signatures. But she doesn’t want an army of Kat clones.

“My biggest nightmare would be if somebody came to Sephora, saw my brand, and said, ‘Oh, I want to look like her, so I’ll buy this makeup,’” Kat Von D proclaimed to an audience of beauty world professionals at the WWD Beauty Summit this summer, her first-ever appearance at a major industry event. “I think that model may work for Kylie or whoever else bases their career on vanity or some kind of superficial thing. It’s quite a gamble because that can be very fleeting a lot of times.” Despite the similarities, Kat doesn’t appreciate Kylie comparisons.

After Kat’s session at the summit was over, she mingled a bit with the suit-wearing masses and then walked downstairs in towering platform shoes, gently guided by a member of her team. “I’m very impressed by Kat Von D!” a gray-haired man said admiringly to a younger woman standing beside him.

“She’s not bound by any rules,” the woman replied.

“I wanted to get a tattoo afterward,” he said.

Tattooing is where it all began for Kat, who was born Katherine von Drachenberg. The 35-year-old is a professional tattoo artist by trade and is known for her elaborate, life-like grayscale portraits. She’s tattooed a ton of musicians and celebrities, including Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, and Harry Styles. She’s inked everything from the Mona Lisa to images of beloved pets on people’s bodies. It’s still something she does when she’s home in LA, though she tries to “limit it to one a day,” whereas a normal workday in her previous life would have had her seeing five clients one after another. Kat has a years-long wait list and is no longer taking appointments, in order to catch up. She recently said in a YouTube video that she doesn’t charge for tattoos anymore, preferring to do it for art’s sake.

“I feel like my name works against me sometimes, you know? People think, ‘Kat Von D, oh it's somebody that was on TV or somebody that dated somebody.’”

Kat’s own body is covered with tattoos, which you can see in zoomed-in detail in her New York Times bestselling book High Voltage Tattoo. (She has published two other books since.) In it, she models in a bikini and describes the origin of each batch of ink. She’s perhaps best recognized for the spray of stars around her eyes, a motif which shows up frequently in her beauty products. At first, she only had one star on each temple. While Kat lore has long held that the Motley Crue song “Starry Eyes” inspired at least the first few stars, in her book she says she added to them because her ex-husband and fellow tattoo artist Oliver Peck once told her to stop tattooing her face. She even has stars tattooed on one eyelid. One of her best-selling products, a liquid eyeliner, is called Tattoo Liner.

Kat was born in Mexico; she’s fluent in Spanish and identifies as Latina. Her parents are from Argentina and her father’s family originally hails from Germany. Her father is a doctor and she grew up with a conservative background as a member of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, where her parents were missionaries. She credits her paternal grandmother with instilling in her a love of art and music. (Kat’s a classically trained pianist and has a huge portrait of Beethoven tattooed on her thigh.) She says her father used to catch her on the floor drawing underneath the pews at church.

Kat moved to Colton, California, when she was four years old with her parents, brother, and sister. Her parents divorced years later and her mother moved back to Mexico. At 14, Kat discovered punk rock and started dating a boy named James, who was two years older and had a mohawk and tattoos. She got her first tattoo, an old English “J,” on her ankle at that time. Expanding on her interest in drawing, she started experimenting with tattooing, practicing on her friends. By 16, she had dropped out of high school and moved to Georgia with James. After three months, she moved back to California without him and started looking for jobs in tattoo shops. She secured a position at a shop near a San Bernardino jailhouse before moving to LA, where she landed a new gig every year or so and built up her reputation as a tattoo artist.

Kat didn’t become a public figure until she was cast in Miami Ink, a TLC series which documented a group of tattoo artists, their work, and the usual reality-show conflict and drama. She moved to Miami for the show, going home to LA on weekends. Kat appeared on the series from 2005 to 2007, until Ami James, the owner of the 305 Ink tattoo shop featured on the show, unceremoniously fired her. She was then promptly offered a spinoff called LA Ink, which ran from 2007 to 2011. Prior to its debut, she opened her own shop, High Voltage Tattoo, located in West Hollywood. Fans began to focus on her love life and some of the notorious men in it, like Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx, Jesse James (best known for being Sandra Bullock’s ex and wearing Nazi uniforms), and Steve-O of Jackass fame. She became a bit of a gossip column mainstay.

“I feel like my name works against me sometimes, you know?” Kat says at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel in June. She’s there for the relaunch of two perfumes, Saint and Sinner, which she’d previously released in 2009 as limited-edition products. “People think, ‘Kat Von D, oh it's somebody that was on TV or somebody that dated somebody.’ And to me as an artist, it's kind of soul crushing. It's like, oh wow, what about all my hard work and what I would love to be known for?"

Kat says she knew that people would initially focus on her brand because it belongs to “that tattoo chick.” She really wanted it to evolve to the point where the product got attention rather than the founder. It might finally be getting there. She tells a story about a young woman who approached her on an airplane and said, “Hey, aren’t you that makeup artist?” Kat corrected her, because she isn’t a makeup artist, but was happy that this fan knew her from her work in the beauty world and not from reality TV.

Kat still has her rabid tattoo fans, though. One late September afternoon at High Voltage, Ashton Williams, the shop’s merchandise manager, is wearing a T-shirt that reads, “Who the fuck is Kat Von D?,” an homage to the “Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?” shirt Keith Richards famously wore on a Rolling Stones tour in the ’70s. There are sweatshirts and tees hanging all over the shop, many featuring a red and yellow High Voltage logo, skull motif, and Kat’s name. But exactly how many people are coming in for Kat merch?

“Tons. We have tour buses that let out in front of the shop all the time. People are obsessed with her. It’s crazy,” says Williams. “We have everyone from grandmothers from England to punk rockers. Nothing surprises me anymore. Literally, you’ll have a grandmother coming in who’s 70-something years old getting tattooed and she’s like, ‘I never really liked tattoos until I saw Kat.’ We have the broadest mix of people.”

People line up at the front windows of the shop and peer in when Kat is in the shop tattooing. She tattoos in plain sight on one of the tables that’s set up in the open-plan shop. They also run around to the back parking lot, Williams says, which features a building-sized mural of Kat and the shop’s other artists, to try to catch her as she’s getting into her car.

The look of the shop — moody red tapestry wallpaper, dark wood, dripping candles, crucifixes, “heartagrams” (a pentagram with a heart shape at the top), paintings in heavy gilt frames — is cohesive with the design of the beauty brand. Kat Von D products come in black boxes featuring gothic lettering and Kat’s original artwork. Shiny black studded tubes house her lipsticks. Religious iconography appears in the packaging and is echoed in the shade names, like her limited edition Saint and Sinner palette, which looks like a stained-glass cathedral window and includes colors like Sacred Heart, Worship, and Vestment. Her brand is everything that so-called millennial beauty lines are not. There’s no soft pink, no sans serif — everything is full coverage and ultra-pigmented. To compare her to Emily Weiss, another brand founder with a reality TV background, Kat Von D is the aesthetic sinner to Glossier’s saint.

Kat has always been a makeup person. She’s worn it since she was a kid and comparesbuying beauty products to “candy shopping.” Makeup has long been another artistic medium for her and she has said the process of applying it is therapeutic. She used to collect lipsticks, telling the LA Times that she’s tried every shade of red ever made, from CoverGirl to Chanel. Though it’s unclear whether or not she ever actively aspired to create her own makeup line, Kat did tell the paper, “I went through all my favorites and said, ‘If this was mine I'd add more purple, use a different finish.’” She has a tattoo on her abdomen that spells out “Hollywood” written in red lipstick, though it’s an homage to the New York Dolls’ logo rather than an ode to that particular beauty product.

Back in 2008, Kat got a call from a Sephora executive who told her people had been inundating sales associates with questions about the red lipstick “that tattoo girl” always wore on Miami Ink. So Sephora, which at the time was producing some of its own house brands, brought Kat up to its American headquarters in San Francisco for a meeting. She told the team there that she was bored (“so fucking bored,” actually) with things she saw in stores. The brand originally launched with four red lipsticks, which almost immediately sold out. This success led to an expanded line inspired by the inks and pigments Kat uses at High Voltage.

“My goal with the makeup line was to create something with a formulation you couldn't argue with. Whether you liked me or not, the product was good.”

“Let's create high-performance, bold, highly-pigmented, long-wear shit that no one else is really doing,” Kat says she suggested to the Sephora team. “I don't think any of us really knew that it could grow into something bigger. My goal with the makeup line was to create something with a formulation you couldn't argue with. Whether you liked me or not, the product was good.”

By all accounts, it is good. Kat Von D Beauty now has over 350 products including lipsticks, brushes, and eyeshadow and contour palettes. The brand sells the products on the Kat Von D Beauty website (international shipping has been available since September) and in stores in 34 countries, 18 of which debuted in the last 12 months. It’s almost exclusively sold at Sephora. In countries where there are no Sephora locations, like the UK and Ireland, it’s available at Debenhams. While brands like MAC, Make Up For Ever, and Urban Decay were already making richly pigmented products, Kat Von D was one of the earliest beauty brands to introduce matte liquid lipsticks, called the Everlasting Liquid Lipstick, back in 2013. Again, she did it long before Kylie introduced her Lip Kits, which, yes, feature longwear matte liquid lipstick.

Sephora does not share sales statistics, but at one point, Lolita Studded Kiss was apparently the retailer’s best-selling lipstick. The dusky rose color is now available in several formulations and is one of the brand’s signature shades. You can even buy a $104 “obsession” kit that includes the original Lolita Studded Kiss lipstick, an eyeshadow, three slightly different Lolita lip liners, and two versions of the shade in the Everlasting Liquid Lipstick formula. Kat originally named the shade after the Japanese street style movement, but later dedicated it to the actress Denise Richards’s daughter Lola, according to a Kendo representative. (The two met when Richards went to get her “Charlie” tattoo — inspired by ex-husband Charlie Sheen — covered up by Kat in 2008.) It is not named for Lolita, the titular underage object of lust in Vladimir Nabokov's controversial classic.

“The color Lolita is a perfect everyday color. I literally wear it every day,” says 15-year-old Samantha, who owns three $20 Lolita tubes. A friend gave her one as a birthday gift and her mom bought her another. “Then I just came to buy another one because it’s so perfect and I love it so much.”

Samantha’s friend, Valentina, also 15, adds solemnly, “It’s a holy grail.” (Holy grail, or HG, is a common designation in the makeup community, meaning it’s a product that works best for one person’s individual needs.)

Samantha and Valentina are at the Sephora at Hollywood and Highland, the same store where Kat herself shopped for red lipstick during her LA Ink days. It’s a bit messy and disheveled, much like the crowded, touristy neighborhood in which it resides. The Kat Von D Beauty section is in a highly trafficked area at the center of the store, with tester pans worn down to the bottom and caps missing from lipsticks.

Samantha first heard about Kat Von D Beauty on Instagram, where fans frequently tag its handle; the brand has 4 million followers and Kat’s personal account has 6.4 million. Kat launched the brand on Instagram herself back in 2015, after a marketing employee (who is no longer at Kendo) scoffed that it wasn’t worth it. The account gained a million followers in one month and Kat is still intimately involved with the imagery that’s posted there, though she now has a dedicated social team.

In January of this year, Kat Von D Beauty had its highest earned media value (or EMV) ever at $42.8 million, according to Tribe Dynamics. EMV is an indirect measure based on mentions and engagement, but it does have some correlation with actual market share and revenue. Since 2015, Kat Von D Beauty has shown up regularly on Tribe’s top ten EMV beauty list, along with social-media heavy hitters like Anastasia Beverly Hills and Too Faced.

“It’s a holy grail.”

“When we think about patterns of successful brands, the thing that they tend to do really well is make great products. The large majority of this content is organic and people aren't going to give you editorial content if they don't love your product,” says Tribe’s Brit McCorquodale. She notes that in the second quarter of this year, over 4,000 influencers were talking about the Kat Von D brand online, but the majority of them were micro-influencers, with under 100,000 followers. “The fact that Kat Von D has performed so well within the influencer community speaks really highly of the products that they're creating, which is something Kendo does very well across their brands.”

Ah yes, Kendo. While Kat provides the ideas and creativity and is the very public face of the brand, Kendo is the entity behind the scenes that quietly brings her visions to life. The company is also the reason that Sephora maintains exclusivity when it comes to Kat Von D Beauty. David Suliteanu, then-CEO of Sephora Americas, started Kendo as a “private label development arm for Sephora” in San Francisco in 2010. In 2014, Suliteanu became the CEO of Kendo, which split off from Sephora as a freestanding entity; it now identifies itself as a brand incubator and credits Kat Von D as being the “seed brand” that launched it.

The luxury conglomerate LVMH is the parent company of both Sephora and Kendo. Kendo owns lip brand Bite Beauty and skincare brand Ole Henriksen, both brands it acquired. It developed Marc Jacobs Beauty, Rihanna’s just-launched Fenty Beauty, and Kat Von D Beauty. It also developed the now-defunct Sephora nail brand Formula X (a rare failure for the company), as well as Elizabeth and James fragrances, the Olsen twins’ brand, which is now under the auspices of Butterfly Beauty.

Kendo does not like to share information about its inner workings nor give any insight into its product development process, although Nancy McGuire, the vice president of product development for Kat Von D Beauty and Ole Henriksen, does sometimes share sneak peeks of products on her Instagram page. Kendo declined to make anyone from the company available for interviews for this story. Instead, they sent email responses which included information taken verbatim from Kendo’s site and the review section of Sephora’s site. A representative did share that “Kat Von D Beauty is among the top-selling brands in all of our retailers, and our products consistently rank as top performers in each category.”

Social media definitely catapulted Kat Von D Beauty into the stratosphere, but its steady success happened in parallel with Sephora’s. It’s impossible to dissect the causality: Did Sephora help Kat Von D or did Kat Von D help Sephora? Yes and yes. Sephora, since it shares a corporate parent with Kat Von D Beauty, naturally seeks to heavily promote the brand, a situation non-LVMH brands are not too pleased about. And as Kat Von D Beauty becomes more ubiquitous on social media, there’s only one place a fan can walk in and try it: Sephora.

Sephora is the number one global beauty retailer, and number two in the US after Ulta. In 2009, it had over 1,000 stores worldwide. Today it has 2,300. According to a recent New York Timesstory, Sephora has doubled its revenue since 2011; a Fung Global Retail & Tech research reportestimates the retailer made between $4.4 billion and $4.9 billion in the US last year alone. That’s a lot of potential Lolita sales. As people are turning away from department stores for beauty, they’re turning to specialty stores like Sephora instead. Sephora also has a reputation as a kingmaker, as Business of Fashion noted in 2013, and brands (especially indie brands) that sell there say they enjoy more perceived legitimacy from customers.

Kat Von D Beauty anticipated making about $2 million its first year and instead made an estimated $12 million.

According to WWD, Kat Von D Beauty anticipated making about $2 million its first year and instead made an estimated $12 million. That momentum has apparently not slowed. The brand’s success is the result of a combination of Sephora’s support and Kendo’s uncanny knack for releasing the right products at the right time, presumably thanks in part to access to Sephora customer sales data. Take the holographic Alchemist Palette, which Kat says took seven years to develop. It debuted (and sold out) right as the unicorn makeup craze was at its apex. Kat Von D Beauty’s success also hinges on Kat Von D the person’s enduring star power.

Since LA Ink ended in 2011, Kat has attended countless Sephora store openings and launches for her brand, traipsing the globe to places like Dubai, Australia, Spain, and the UK for photo ops with fans. From the beginning, she’s maintained a steady line of communication with her fans via Facebook and YouTube; in 2013, a Stylophane report named Kat Von D the most engaged beauty brand on Facebook and she still makes frequent appearances on the brand’s YouTube channel. She has stayed in the public eye in other ways too, releasing her third book in 2013, accompanied by a tour. She also showed up on the Grammys red carpet that year with then-boyfriend Deadmau5. Now, she continues to be most available to fans via her wildly popular personal Instagram and in real life at Kat Von D Beauty events.

Kat is undeniably charismatic in person. Her deep, raspy voice is mesmerizing. She is a hugger. She is beloved by people in her orbit, and they are fiercely loyal to her. Williams, the High Voltage merch manager, credits Kat with convincing him to move to LA, telling him he would “blossom.” Kevin Lewis, a tattoo artist who’s been at High Voltage since LA Ink was still shooting says, “One of the biggest things for me is that, for someone who has made so much for themselves, she’s so grounded. She’s not cocky. She’s not arrogant. She’s not a celebrity.”

Ashley Sherengo, the 24-year-old Kat plucked off Twitter to run the brand’s social media says of their first real-life meeting, “I didn’t expect for her to be so open and kind. I felt like we were just friends who had gone a long time without talking.” Even Amber Rose, who showed up at the Saint and Sinner party after having Kat on her podcast, gushes, “I’ve always been a huge fan and I just kind of took a chance and I went up to her and told her that I love her and she was so gracious and sweet to me.”

None are quite as loyal, though, as the group of four official Kat Von D Beauty makeup artists, dubbed the Artistry Collective.

In a nondescript conference room at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, hours before the Saint and Sinner party, party greeters in black-and-white latex dresses get their makeup done and drag queens from the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence cover their facial hair with purple glitter and put on their habits. Kat Von D makeup palettes are scattered everywhere. Steffanie Strazzere, whose taxi-cab-yellow hair, Barbie-pink lips, and aqua eyeshadow fit right into the colorful scene, is helping get everyone ready. She credits Kat with being her “fairy godmother of makeup.”

Kat hired Steffanie, along with Leah Carmichael, Tara Buenrostro, and Kelseyanna Fitzpatrick to be surrogates for her as the Kat Von D Beauty brand grows globally. She discovered all of them (except Leah, who she’s been friends with for years) on Instagram. As faces of the brand, they create content on YouTube and Instagram, do Kat’s makeup, represent the brand at stores and trainings, and help out with product testing. They’re all trained and talented makeup artists. The common thread between them is their artistic vision for what makeup should be, which is, well, uncommon. Kelseyanna, in particular, creates otherworldly, occasionally terrifying, looks.

“I get a lot of people sending messages thanking us for being ourselves and saying that it's pushed them to take more risks with their makeup,” Kelseyanna says. “Someone thanked me last night for doing ugly makeup, like, not caring about being pretty. That's the real stuff, and that really motivates me to keep creating.”

“Everybody's kinda like, ‘What the hell is going on?’ And then they're like, ‘Oh. Kat and the Kittens.’"

Steffanie worked at MAC for more than a decade but left because of animal testing, since the brand sells in China. “From a work standpoint,” she says, “I feel really safe because I know Kat has the best interests of the brand, animals, and us in mind, so it’s a very safe place.”

Kat is an outspoken vegan, and her brand is vegan (meaning the products don’t contain any animal byproducts) and cruelty-free (meaning they aren’t tested on animals nor are they sold in mainland China, which requiresforeign brands to test on animals before they sell their products there). There’s a gray area when it comes to the cruelty-free designation, though. Kat Von D Beauty and all the other Kendo brands do not test on animals or sell in China. However, Kendo parent company LVMH owns beauty brands like Benefit, Givenchy, Make Up For Ever, and Fresh, which do sell in China. In the cruelty-free community, this is a point of contention that comes up whenever an indie brand that doesn’t test on animals sells to a large company. But it’s a big part of the brand’s identity and one, according to NPD Group beauty analyst Larissa Jensen, that is an asset. “The brand’s cruelty-free positioning,” she writes in an email, “enables it to connect with consumers on a value- and emotional-based level.”

Kat has tattooed Steffanie twice, once on each calf. One tattoo is an image of her fluffy white cat Baby Ghost and the other is a portrait of Lydia Deetz, Winona Ryder’s character from Beetlejuice. “I just feel so lucky,” she says. “My legs are the most valuable part of my body now.”

The foursome has become famous among makeup fans in their own right. They’ve each experienced huge jumps in followers on their Instagrams and fans regularly recognize them in real life. Tara carries around products to give out to people who come up and talk to her. She says that when the group and Kat are all together in the airport, it causes a lot of commotion: “It's just a sea of black and a ton of suitcases, and everybody's kinda like, ‘What the hell is going on?’ And then they're like, ‘Oh. Kat and the Kittens.’"

“I feel like her bodyguard, a protective shield, constantly looking around and making sure she's okay,” Leah says. “People obviously recognize her, especially when she's decked out in a full red outfit. She'll never be the bad guy, she'll never say no, so I think that's where we have to step in sometimes. She's so kind and gracious with every single fan.”

Fans know that Kat handpicked the Collective, and Tara considers the group “a little extension” of her. Fans consider them the next best thing to Kat herself.

The Artistry Collective has garnered criticism, though. As one commenter noted on an early Instagram shot of the group of light-skinned artists, “would be cool to see more ethnic diversity represented in the artistry team!” Some fans thought Kat’s response seemed defensive. She replied in the comments: “Diversity? We have American, Canadian, Dutch, Mexican, Australian, and Argentinian? Not sure what is lacking in ‘diversity’ here. And as for true diversity, I have put together an artistry team that is diverse in each artist's approach to makeup. This group’s experience, talent and hard work in the beauty world speaks for itself and covers the entire spectrum of style and technique.”

When the commenter wrote back, “There are also amazing makeup artists with deeper skin tones out there too and it'd be awesome to see them included in the future,” Kat’s response was, “I'm sorry, but I don't judge or hire people based off of their skin tone. I don't care if you’re black white or neon green - I select my crew by what's on the inside…”

The reality is that beauty companies do need to consider skin tone, because makeup goes on skin.

Kat Von D Beauty has 32 foundation shades and its social media channels sometimes show swatches on different skin tones and repost pictures of women of color using the makeup. But Kat discounting her fans’ desire to see more people they relate to wearing her makeup is shortsighted on a community level, but on a business one too.

Take Rihanna’s Fenty Beauty — Kat Von D’s sister brand at Kendo, let’s not forget — which launched with 40 foundation shades and a public commitment to people of all skin tones. The darker tones sold out, and the media was pretty unanimous in its praise. Kendo’s CEO David Suliteanu has given very few interviews over the years, with the exception of one giddy quote to WWD about how Fenty Beauty would be a “beauty rocket ship that will appeal to a huge and diverse global audience.” He was right. The reality is that beauty companies do need to consider skin tone, because makeup goes on skin.

It should be obvious that Kat is as outspoken as Kendo is opaque, a quality for which she is unapologetic. As befits someone who is trying to sell a saint-and-sinner duality, Kat can be acerbic. “I've just never been afraid of speaking my mind,” she says. This has gotten her into trouble in the reality show of our modern times: social media. Since her brand has launched, she’s found herself embroiled in her fair share of controversies and she’s picked a few fights along the way. But it seems to be working. At the end of last year, L2 credited Kat Von D’s ever-growing digital IQ, a measure of how well a company utilizes technology, to “her uncensored personality and opinions, a successful cocktail no parent company should alter.”

In 2013, Sephora stopped selling a Kat Von D lipstick called “Celebutard” after receiving customer complaints. The most shocking thing might be that the name got past a marketing team in the first place. Kat allegedly tweeted that it was “just a fucking lipstick.” This seems to be one of the last times Sephora or Kendo publicly inserted itself into Kat’s kerfuffles, letting her fight her own fights.

Two years later, there was more outrage over a lipstick shade called “Underage Red,” which had been in the collection in some form since the very beginning. “To go back to the Underage Red or any of the controversial names that I've named some of my products,” Kat says, “it is laughable to me. There is the PC police out there and a lot of times those people just want to be heard in whatever way. I don't really coddle that. Initially, when I named that shade, it was inspired by a specific shade of red that I wore to a concert that I couldn't get into because I was underage.” She ended up writing a defiant Facebook post and Sephora did not pull the shade.

Then there was the great beauty beef of summer 2016, in which Kat called out Jeffree Star, a YouTube and Instagram beauty guru who also used to appear on LA Ink and who Kat had befriended after tattooing him frequently through the years. In a now-deleted Instagram post and then on YouTube, she accused him of bullying, racism, promoting drug use (Kat has been sober for 10 years), and not paying an artist he had used for his beauty line. The accusations of racism prompted some outlets to dig up an old TMZ allegation that, back in 2008, Kat had sent a headshot of herself to her Miami Ink boss Ami James that included a swastika and referred to him as a “Jewbag.” She vehemently denied sending it, calling it a forgery and noting that she had always been “an advocate for tolerance of all races, religions and ways of life.” TLC supported her. Jeffree responded with his own video, calling Kat a liar, and the beauty world buzzed about it for a few weeks.

Kat has also publicly called out other brands like MAC for years because they sell in China, and she targeted Nars on Instagram this summer by posting graphic photos of bloody rabbits after the brand announced it would start selling in the country. “That was just a personal heartbreak,” Kat says. “I'd been a huge fan of Nars for a really long time. It was disheartening. If you're going to choose money over compassion, then that comes with a price as well.”

“There is the PC police out there and a lot of times those people just want to be heard in whatever way. I don't really coddle that.”

She hasn’t been afraid to call out other brands for taking a bit too much inspiration from her products, either. In March, she went after lower-end UK brand Makeup Revolution for copyingher popular $48 Shade and Light Eye Contour palette, from the shades right down to the arrangement of the colors. Even the name was reminiscent of the Kat Von D Beauty product: Makeup Revolution called their iteration the Ultra Eye Contour Light & Shade Palette. She got some backlash from people who couldn’t afford her $50 palette. They perceived Kat as being unsupportive of cheaper brands. She says she can appreciate dupes, but explains, “I'm not for plagiarism and I think that there's a big difference.”

Kat’s biggest controversy to date, however, resulted in her becoming a target of the alt-right and Milo Yiannopoulos. Both Fox News and the Washington Post covered the scandal. It was all because of the Saint and Sinner perfume launch party.

The party was basically goth prom. The night included nuns in drag, pole dancers, a confessional booth, dry ice swirling on the bars, a Nine Inch Nails-heavy soundtrack, Amber Rose and her entourage, and tons and tons of people in extreme makeup with appliques stuck to their faces. The founders of other cruelty-free beauty brands, like Too Faced, Sugarpill, and Melt Cosmetics, were also in attendance. It took a bit of convincing, but Kat’s team allowed her to fulfill her vision and let her invite who she wanted to (rather than simply invite the standard beauty influencers with millions of followers).

“Kendo is really great, and I know that they're obviously putting a lot of marketing dollars into it so I want to respect that. But to them, they want the safe things,” Kat said before the party. “Influencers have a lot of followers. I don't think half of those influencers are on-brand. We don't repost them. I don't really relate to them. I'd rather pick people with smaller follower counts that I actually admire and that are cool and that are different, you know?”

So Kat won. “Of course I won. I will never back up something I don't believe in and they know that. And I think what helps them feel comfortable is that when I am excited about something, it has never failed. When I have doubts is usually when it gets scary.”

She also addressed the huge amount of marketing money that can get sucked into paying influencers. “I see it with other brands and how much gifting they do and the crazy events they throw for people to go on goddamn cruises and shit. To me, it’s just so insincere and fake. We don’t pay anybody,” she says. Then a pause. “I think there’s another influencer event happening right now with actual real, huge influencers. But none of those people were on our list anyway. Not to say that they're not great at what they do, but when you free yourself of all those things then you are left to be able to make cool shit.”

That other event turned out to be the launch of Kim Kardashian’s KKW Beauty line, which Kim had been teasing for weeks. She invited a few editors and some huge influencers to her actual home across the city in Bel Air. Kim’s outfits and the rooms in which she met her guests were all the same muted colors, once again highlighting the difference between Kat and the rest of the beauty world at this particular moment in time.

There was some drama behind the scenes at the Saint and Sinner party, though, which didn’t come to light until a month later. Kat Von D Beauty had run a contest challenging fans to submit their best saint/sinner makeup looks to win an all-expenses-paid trip to LA for the party. The brand announced the winner, Gypsy Freeman, on its Instagram. But then fans noticed the Trump “Make America Great Again” image Freeman had posted months earlier and started flooding the Kat Von D page with comments.

“Like, if you support Hitler I don't want you to wear my lipstick, to be honest, you know?”

In hindsight, Kat was probably alluding to this incident before the party when asked about politics: “I think everybody has the right to vote for whoever they want. To me, I definitely draw a line in the sand in real life. Like, we can't be friends if you support somebody who's anti-immigration, anti-climate change, anti-women.” When asked if people unfollow her for her stance, she said, “For sure, and I'm glad they do, in the sense that I'm not going to invest energy into converting somebody. You can't shake hands with a fist. People think that it's dumb business-wise, but I would feel the same way about Hitler. Like, if you support Hitler I don't want you to wear my lipstick, to be honest, you know?”

A month after the party, the Wichita Eagle broke the story that Kat had disqualified Freeman from the contest because she was a Trump supporter. The Kat Von D social team has wiped all evidence of the contest from the Facebook page. Freeman sent screenshots to the paper of a direct message conversation that she had with Kat. Freeman’s response to Kat was, “We would love to be there, of course, but I sincerely do understand if you decide to replace us with someone who supports the candidate you support.” The photographer who took the pictures of Freeman’s model did go to the party. Kat later insisted on Instagram, in a comment that appears to have since been deleted, that she did not disqualify her and that Freeman chose not to attend.

Places like The Donald subreddit picked up the story. “I talked to my team because there was a heightened sense of concern,” she says. “We were getting a lot of backlash on that, but I'm like, ’Yeah, fuck, I don't care if Fox News talks shit, fuck them.’ I'm very open about my stance on Trump and if you don't agree with me, that's totally up to you. It's a free country and I actually celebrate true democracy.”

Kat has a lot going on in the coming year. She’s going to launch a self-funded vegan shoe line called Von D Shoes which she says includes 28 different styles. One of the boots will feature a compartment that will fit a lipstick. The line is being produced in Italy using high-tech leather alternatives and with the help of Rebecca Mink, who has her own vegan shoe line. “I'm not interested in looking at cheap plastics,” says Kat. “We're looking at all these innovative, different leather substitutes that are made out of mushroom and pineapple and they're actually great for the environment and look equal to, if not better than leather.”

Kat is also releasing an album and planning a tour. Then, of course, there’s Kat Von D Beauty. She collaborated on an upcoming smudgy guyliner with her friend, Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong, and has created a palette dedicated to Divine, the late drag queen who frequently collaborated with filmmaker John Waters. Several times, Kat has mentioned wanting to open a store in LA, though nothing is technically in the works yet. She is also in the process of designing a collection for the brand’s tenth anniversary next year.

While Kat and her brand are now a known entity, it cannot be overstated how much of a trailblazer she really is. Reality stars have come and gone with flash-in-the-pan beauty launchesthroughout the years (see: Snooki and any number of Real Housewives and Basketball Wives cast members). But Kat has a unique and unreproducible authenticity, a quality that all beauty brands are now chasing, that is undeniable regardless of how you feel about her personal aesthetic or opinions. Her unabashed love of a full face of makeup and her brand’s use of ultra-pigmented products before it was popular outside of pro brands presaged the moment we’re in now: a moment where more is more when it comes to makeup. She’s also exhibit A for the argument that celebrities should have a strong controlling hand in their brands, as opposed to simply slapping a name on a product for a short-lived sales burst.

As Kat declared when detailing one of her many controversies, “If you don't like it, don't fucking buy it. This is my art and my message to give to the world.”

Cheryl Wischhover is a senior beauty reporter at Racked.

Editor: Julia Rubin Copy editor: Laura Bullard

source> https://www.racked.com/2017/12/12/16763338/kat-von-d-beauty-sephora

[againstthegrainphoto]

I don’t always post about make up.....

but when I do i force tumblr to listen.

So I went to ulta today....I love that store. I spent a good chunk of money, however I saved almost twice as much as I spent. so that’s ok then, right?

right.

So before I say anything I have to say: ALL make up is incorrectly labeled “HOLO”.....”holographic”....etc. And I refuse to slam either of these products based on their incorrect labeling. We all know when a highlight or lippie or eyeshadow is called “holo” it’s really just iridescent, duochrome, or metallic or some weird combination of those finishes. It’s just the word “holographic” is a hot buzzword right now in the cosmetic industry and it sells product.....when really the ONLY TRUE holographic cosmetics I’ve ever seen is nail polish. That said, moving on....

So one of my favorite things is unnatural highlight. So of course I splurged and bought the kat von d Alchemy palette for $32 when it came out. It was really a one of a kind product. (please point me in the direction to others, if i’m wrong) I have used the shit out of this palette. I generally am wearing it somewhere on my face in every photo ever taken of me since I bought it. lol. (except for my ghost meet and greet....I used gold highlight for that.....because aesthetic.)

right. it’s well worn. the weird matte black cardboard that it’s constructed of just sucks up the product as you can see. you get four pans at 1.53 grams each. Bitch, this shit is $5.23 a gram before tax.

But now today I find this:

fuckin $16 generic ulta brand fall 2017 holo highlight palette. Also four pans. But, each pan is 2 full grams of product each. This is $2 a gram for this product. But does it work as well?!?! of course is the question. So I swatched them next to each other over a black eyeshadow primer to show the pigment. The results:

top swatch. it was good. a little powdery in comparison. the colors were not quite as vibrant. The purple shade turned out more of a blurple. The blue shade was a good solid cobalty blue with no pink hue.

bottom swatch. product was a little softer and a little more pigmented on the black, as you can see. what I thought would be purple turned more silver. what I thought would be blue turned out more blurpley. the pink was fucking radiant. and the greens were about equal.

Now....which one was kat von d and which was generic ulta brand.

The top is kvd and the bottom ulta. and I’m upset about it. Because if you compared those swatches and told me to pick one to buy....I’d buy the fuckin generic ulta. The colors were more vibrant, they had more of a shine to them (which doesn’t translate well to photo), I like the silver and blue combo instead of the blue and a blurple. 

UPSET.

(maybe “shook” is more make up blogger terminology than upset?)

in conclusion: YOU NEED TO GO TO ULTA AND BUY THIS. I’ll even give you a link if you can’t go to ulta:

http://www.ulta.com/holographic-eye-cheek-palette?productId=xlsImpprod16501153

I’m so excite to use this. especially the silver(that looks purple in the pan), It’s the only silver highlight i have.

[brido]

Mike and Vicky Go to Ecuador (Day 1)

I didn’t think I’d ever make it to Quito. That might sound like I’m stating the obvious, but if I didn’t go to Quito, that would end my self-important streak of visiting my sister in every city she’s lived in during her tenure in the foreign service. That streak has not only a weirdly competitive source of pride for me over the years, but also a weirdly consistent source of my stand-up material, from bullfights in Lima to ordering pizza in an Irish pub in Montevideo. These trips to see Susan have been a really special and surprising thing for me in my life. I mean, I pretty much had to go to Quito.    

So as my wife and I nervously dropped off our giant seven-month-old Bernese ‘puppy’ at an extended daycare, we headed out of L.A.( just as the Dodgers were hosting the World Series for the first time in 29 years) and we spent a travel day going L.A. to Houston and from Houston to Quito. I was unsure what to expect from a city and a country that was, to an embarrassing degree, a mystery to me. All I really knew was that we wouldn’t have time for the Galapagos, I should be scared shitless of the altitude and we’d be getting up early the next morning to pile into a van with my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew for a full day of sight seeing curated by the fam. And so that’s what we did. 

Here was Day 1.  

Our first stop was Hacienda La Compania de Jesus in Cayambe. And as we were greeted by women in traditional indigenous Kayambi garb offering bizcochos and blackberry juice, as well as a young tour guide in a faded Jack Skellington t-shirt, I realized I had no idea what the hell was going on.

The Hacienda isn’t mentioned in the Ecuadorian travel book I bought and skimmed before the trip, but for the past 15 years, the Jarrin family has apparently been giving tours of their old estate. That includes a big, hundred-year-old French neoclassic home with all original everything, an old barn that now functions as a showroom and a 300-year-old Jesuit chapel - all of the above ornamented in an amount of cut roses that I’d have to classify as ��an overflowing fuckload’ of cut roses.

There were hundreds of rose pedals in the fountain out front. You couldn’t go anywhere inside the big old house without seeing at least one giant bouquet of roses. And the aforementioned showroom was where the Hacienda really flexed its rose-having muscles. They weren’t even pretending you were supposed to be impressed with old furniture or other antiques. That was just them going, “We run Rosadex, a massive rose greenhouse/plantation and export roses to about 50 countries. Look at it. It’s an overflowing fuckload of roses!” Fair enough.

On your standard FTD delivery website, you can get a bouquet of two dozen roses with a vase for about $75. In Ecuador, you can buy about a billion roses for a dollar. Really. Because of the direct, year-round sunlight on the equator and the high altitude (about 9600 feet), the roses grow perfectly straight and the setting is basically perfect. So in a pretty short amount time, these Ecuadorian roses have become one of the biggest exports of the entire country (along with oil, bananas and shrimp in case you’re some kind of nerd). They have long stem roses for the Russians, the dyed circus colors for the Chinese and even a deep blue option that I was told is popular at gang funerals in Los Angeles. I’m not kidding. The place is just lousy with the roses.

We saw the greenhouses. We saw the ‘post-harvest room’. The latter was so colorful and impressive that I almost forgot the part when our tour guide told us that the hacienda had been in his wife’s family for five generations -  ever since King Charles III of Spain kicked all the Jesuits out of Spain and its colonies in 1767. I immediately thought, “Wait. What?” And that thought kind of followed me around the rest of the tour. What type of Game of Thrones shit happened with King Charles and the Jesuits in 1767??? But I’d have to get back to that later.

I did manage to Google the Jarrin family later on and noticed that Jaime Jarrin, the Spanish Vin Scully, was born in Cayambe. So I’m thinking he has to be a member of the hacienda family. But before I could ask more questions, the tour was over and I was back in the van with my family headed off to another sight in the Ecuadorian highlands. But what the fuck happened with King Chuck and the Jesuits?   

Next, the van made a brief pitstop at a place called Mira Lago in San Pablo Del Lago, which was a souvenir shop overlooking the Imbabura volcano and (obviously) a lake. Because of Mira Lago’s name similarity to our current president’s favorite West Palm Beach cake restaurant or whatever, I thought standing by the sign with a confused look on my face would make for an amusing photo. But that’s before I saw the view… and the llamas.

Inside the gift shop, a traditional Andean band, which appeared to be a family, played charangos, guitars, seed shakers, a siku panpipe and sang in either Quechua or Aymara. I’m not sure. I don’t speak indigenous Andean. But I did fucking love them. I’ve tried to find them Online and I think their name is Ayllu Pura and they’re like the Incan version of the Staples Singers. This video doesn’t really do them justice, but whatever. It’s there and I think it’s pretty sweet. Anyway, Victoria bought some cool-looking scarves there and we left.    

Our destination lunch was at Hacienda Cusin, also in San Pablo Del Lago. The estate itself is said to date back to 1602. But the hacienda is a restored 19th Century country home that gradually added garden cottages to become a cobblestone-pathed, terra-cotta-lined, magical rustic hotel with a magical rustic ambience. Do you like Spanish tiles? Do you like more antiques? What about ancient trees? And what about more llamas? You do? Well, they got you. And it’s so dope.

All of that said, the actual food at lunch was the least impressive part of the visit. I mean, I didn’t think so at the time. It’s just that my mind would be blown on multiple lunches on this trip and I can’t honestly say I remember what I ate at Hacienda Cusin as much as I just remember being introduced to the tree tomato (a mango-ish/apricot-ish/passion-fruit-flavored tomato) and the naranjilla (an orange that tastes like a combination of rhubarb and lime) for the first time. The rest of the food was a shrug.  But that’s fine with me. I got to go to an old hacienda (the non-Jesuit kind, mind you) that made me feel like I was living in a Spanish-tiled version of the Led Zeppelin IV ZOSO cover.

The final van trip of the day was to the small village of Peguche, which is known for incredibly talented indigenous weavers and for a picturesque 60-foot ceremonial waterfall in a protected forrest.  

The weaving stores in the village were pretty incredible. So was the waterfall, but you kinda just walk up to it, get your picture taken, stand there and take in how neat it is and leave. Maybe you chicken out on climbing some rocks to get a better photo. Maybe you decide you’re too fat to try to get a photo on a llama.  Maybe all of that happened and it’s best we move on to the weavers.  

In Jose Cotacachi, the workers, all in traditional clothing, demonstrated how they made their wall hangings, shawls, scarves and ponchos from the looms all the way down to the production of the dyes they still make by hand. At one point, a woman who worked there took cochineal eggs from a cactus and smashed them in her palm, using the pigment the insects use to repel predators and added lemon juice and paprika and other stuff to create all sorts of different colors. And it was almost badass how cocky she was about it too. Like, Yeah, I just did that shit. Buy something. 

In another store, Artesania El Gran Condor, Victoria bought a beautiful multicolored table cloth and placemats, while I turned down an offer from my sister to buy me a poncho. These are the types of attire, when worn back in Los Angeles, that can get someone accused of cultural appropriation by the Woke Police. Even though, like, the entire purpose and income of these indigenous markets (especially in the surrounding market of Otavalo) is to sell their fucking wares to dipshit tourists like me.

Anyway, after our first big day of exploring, the fam, including my exhausted niece and nephew, headed back to Quito in the van. My niece, who is 7, got roaring mad at me for some reason or another along the way (I think I ate a piece of her candy), until I sang a song I made up on the spot that went, “I’m so sorry in the van. Won’t you ever shake my hand,” that became such a hit with the kids that it was requested randomly and enthusiastically throughout the rest of the trip. What can I say? Much like the real “Weird” Al Yankovic, my target audience is probably elementary school children.  

Back in Quito, the adults stayed up a bit longer, ordered specialty sushi rolls from a place called Noe and watched Game 7 of the ALCS. The Astros won and were headed to the World Series to face the Dodgers. And I was headed to bed. Thus concluded Day 1.