#and theres also a couple swears i'd love to get down but whatever

[screechingsandwichhologram]

AUGGHHHHHH !!!!! HAVING LANGUAGE ISSUES !!!!!!

my grandmother calls my mom and also me sometimes this one word. it sounds like it would be spelt "pit" but i'd wager its not that. i don't know what exactly it means and i don't know how to spell it but its french canadian and is a term of endearment. help.

[mybodyliberation]

Scottish Wedding Show - These Are My Thoughts

Truthfully it's truly majestic to have wedding and event decor all in one place. If you love the stuff then wedding fayres are one of the lost exciting places to get your fix.

If you're like me then you adore fawning over charger plates, weighing the benefits if artificial verses real flowers and drooling over prop tables filled with catering spread ideas.

Theres something magical about the experience of that but reality started to bleed into the dream as I walked around the Scottish Wedding Shows stalls last weekend and came face to face with vendors pushing invasive cosmetics, weightloss programs and bridal stalls using models in the smallest sample sizes that didn't reflect the brides make myself wondering around the space.

Firstly I want to say that I think its brilliant that Scotland as a wedding fayre of this size because its important that there are accessible events that serve Scottish brides. It would be ridiculous to expect them to travel for hours down south just in order to experience and encounter the variety they deserve to have.

However this is the problem I had. It felt like a lot of the setup of the day wasnt about providing insulation for couples, but giving them standards to aspire to that are about impossible standards and aesthetic. The first thing I clocked and what I usually clock was the lack of racial diversity. In models and clientele.

My OH and I were certainly the only interracial couple I saw present on the day and I certainly didn't bump into any other women of colour nor see any vendors that accommodated the needs of brides of colour and their electric heritages.

This was disappointing as there is a hugely incredible Asian wedding industry within Scotland and I at least expected to see vendors that reflected this in either event planning, venue or makeup artistry.

Now for all I know the producers of the SWS have sought them out, but how much was done to make sure there was representation for people of colour? This isn't an accusation as much as a genuine question. What was done and was this even important do the organisers?

If it takes a person or colour to keep pointing out that we need more representation we are honestly never going to see change because you see it's all of our responsibilities to ensure that we create spaces that reflect the diverse world we live in.

If we are not striving to be as inclusive as possible and ensuring that as many of us feel welcome to these sorts of events then who is it for?

So honestly I would love for that to be addressed and I would love to go to the next show witnessing a genuine change.

One of the other things that irked me, as I mentioned, was the weightloss and invasive cosmetic treatment stalls.

Now I want to take a moment to acknowledge that each person's choices are there own. If you want to change yourself because of whatever reasons that is truly your prerogative and honestly we support your happiness.

As long as we also acknowledge that true happiness can be found in transforming are outside appearance but in the internal work of healing and accepting our authentic selves.

I also don't think theres anything wrong with wanting to look good nay, your best, on your wedding day, but that doesn't just start from the external things you try.

Okay.

That being said, it would be naive to not recognise that in a world where the media bombards us with images of "what's beautiful" that that's not going to affect how we see ourselves.

Imagine a person getting ready for their wedding who already struggles with their self esteem and self worth, walking into a space that is meant to help accommodate creating their dream day, and being met with the harsh message of YES, consider losing weight because fatness is bad and YES consider cosmetic treatment or surgery because something about you isnt good enough and can be changed.

Why should the message be affirming that there is something wrong with you? When the message should be affirming that you are already wonderful, your partner knows that and that's why they want to marry you and that's why you're planning a wedding.

I think its dangerous when we are curating these events and promising the facilitation of a genuinely positive experience and yet still buying into these toxic and systematically broken standards and ideals that have been oppressing us for so long.

We all want to feel special and look awesome on our wedding day, but life before and after the day shouldn't be consumed by trying to fit a certain size or having to sacrifice who you are to become some wedding "version" of yourself. I'd love to see wedding fayres like SWS encouraging the pursuit of authenticity.

Okay lastly...body diversity. Where is it at!? If I was a business, especially bridal or groom swear, and I know that vast range of bodies come to me hoping to be dressed, I would actively work to provide visual representations of what items will look like on similar bodies. I saw a total of 2 stalls, maybe I missed some, that offered bridal and actually had plus size gowns on display. This means that either most boutiques don't have them or they won't display them because they want you to know that these dresses are aspirational. You want to look like "this" on the wedding day because that's what a bride looks like. How is that possible because brides comes in so many diverse forms that its offensive to send a message that says you be able bodied, under a size 10 and white. Dont get me wrong, if you fall into this category, you're wonderful and you shouldn't feel shamed, but we must remember that this is not the only form beauty comes in. We cannot continue to sell fantasies that's sole purpose is to ensure the continued tearing down of self esteem and the upholding of toxic patriarchal systems. We had a peaceful time knowing we have planned what we needed to but were open to seeing extras. Side note if you're nearly engaged this particular exercise of shopping via fayres could potentially be very overwhelming. I feel blessed to have entered into wedding planning confident in myself and in my relationships and our financial position because I didn't feel any shame because I can't fit a size 8 wedding dress and I can't afford a £5k venue.

I want to end things on a bright note and said I did still thoroughly enjoy the experience. There are a lot of things there that provide genuinely great inspiration and if you take that away and do some research you could either book a vendor you met there or figure out how to do it cost effectively yourself.

So if you're visiting fayres and you're looking for the magic, I just want to tell you something - you are the magic.