#and therefore will disappoint people who want to read my stuff

[traumasurvivors]

I wrote a blog post about how harmful it can be to have your emotions invalidated growing up. It's here if you want to check it out! I'll paste the text below the read more for people who don't like links, but if you're comfortable, I really appreciate getting hits on my site! It feels really validating after all the work I've put into it. I've opted to not have any ads or anything to monetize my site, so it isn't like those annoying clickbait articles.

The effects of having our emotions invalidated while we’re growing up isn’t talked about enough and it can have lasting effects. This can happen when people say things like “you don’t know real struggles” when a younger person is upset about something they’re struggling with. This might include being told “I’ll give you something to cry about” which implied that the reason you were crying then “wasn’t a big enough reason”. Other people may have had to deal with “worse” problems and so we were told to be thankful for what we had because of what other children experienced. Your feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment or anger were still real and valid. And you were allowed those feelings.

You may have been told to “stop being so sensitive,” which taught that you weren’t tough enough. You may have also been told “it builds character” which may have made you feel that you had to find a positive lesson in every bad thing you experienced. This can also be part of how people invalidate the seriousness of abuse, and other things that happened to you that were someone else’s fault. If someone doesn’t want to take responsibility, they may minimize what happened to you. They may say it’s okay because “they didn’t mean to do it” or “they don’t know any better,” perhaps because of abuse they went through. Your feelings may be invalidated because someone wants you to “let it go.” How serious they feel it was, or the reasons it happened, are not reasons that your feelings should be ignored or disregarded. Your feelings are valid. You should never have to “let it go.” 

These things that we were told, and many more, taught us that our emotions were bad and wrong. It likely felt invalidating. It may have been damaging And it probably affects how we see the emotions of others. I’ve had people say similar things to me now that I’m an adult, and I think it’s likely they do it because they were told things like these when they were younger, too. Over time, this has led to me invalidating my own feelings. I’ve told myself I should be strong and to avoid such feelings, or that the reasons for them weren’t “big enough”. I told myself that others had it worse than me, therefore I wasn’t allowed to be upset. None of these things helped me. Instead, they actually made me worse off. I bottled stuff up and then began using unhealthy coping methods to deal with the emotions. Having our emotions invalidated as we grow up can be traumatizing in its own way. It also doesn’t teach us how to effectively deal with and process our negative emotions. This can lead to people having fits of uncontrollable rage, spirals of depression and guilt, substance abuse to avoid feelings, and any number of other unhealthy reactions that can cause us more harm and prolong everything or make it worse.

Being unable to cope with my feelings was a big part of me not being able to cope with conflict in my relationships. Downplaying any “bad” thing that happened and ignoring it meant, for instance, I wouldn’t point out and deal with a small (sometimes completely unintentional) mistake. Instead, I let my feelings build without communicating about them and let my resentment build. By the time I acknowledged and spoke about my feelings, the problem was a thousand times worse than it would have been if I had dealt with it quickly. And sometimes it was too late to fix the damage done.

It’s not too late to learn and do better. You don’t have to be thankful it wasn’t “worse”. You don’t have to find a silver lining. While it’s important not to get stuck in our feelings long-term, sitting with them and feeling them and acknowledging you aren’t okay is okay! It’s okay to think something sucks or that it wasn’t fair. It’s okay to feel frustrated or sad over “small” things. Sometimes we don’t even understand why a situation or something has left us having such big feelings, and that’s okay, too! Your feelings are real and valid, even if they don’t make sense to you. And you deserve patience and compassion. Especially from yourself.

When you have negative feelings, if you find yourself minimizing them, or telling yourself why you don’t have a right to feel them, stop and try to be aware of what you’re doing. And allow yourself to feel it if you can. I've often had to remind myself that while it is uncomfortable, I can be uncomfortable and sit with my feelings. Think about if there’s a healthy response you can have to those feelings. For instance, if someone said something hurtful to you, talking to them about it might be a lot more productive than acting like you don’t care. Your feelings are valid. And invalidating them yourself is unlikely to be good for you.

Try to remember that, and try to be kind to yourself.

[heli-writes]

Heartbreak and other nuisances, part 2.

Pairing: Pro-hero!Deku x female!reader

Summary: Love is never easy, especially when you're the number one hero of Japan. After getting dumped by his childhood love, Deku just can't seem to get it right, much to his mother's disappointment. When he meets y/n, he is convinced it will just be a one-night stand. Or being fuck buddies. His broken heart stands in his way. And you've got your own demons to fight.

Disclaimer: nsfw, smut, oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, angst, heartbreak, bisexuality

[Please don't read if you are sensible to or triggered by the topics mentioned above.]

Minors do not interact.

Note: I finally got around to write a second part of this!

Part 1, Part 2

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Izuku massages his temples. It's been just a couple of hours but the day is already too long. Izuku considers himself the kind of hero who prefers working outside, on the street. Patrolling, taking on missions, actively helping and saving people. That's why he became a hero in the first place.

He's shy by nature and therefore working with the press and fans is not really his thing. Over the years, he learned to play along. Smile at fans, give funny answers in interviews and always seem collected and content. Truth is though, most of these times he feels rather uncomfortable. Despite his reputation, it's still hard to believe that people look up to him, and idolize him even. Inside, he's still that weird quirkless nerd Kacchan always made fun of.

Interviews are even worse. He feels like these interviewers are always out to get him. Try to squeeze something juicy out of him, something scandalous, something that could potentially ruin his career.

“Mr. Deku, you're almost up.”

A worker from the TV station rips him out of his thoughts. He puts on a brave smile and gives her a nod.

“Alright, I'm ready whenever!”, he tells the worker.

The worker disappears and Izuku can hear the TV host introduce his appearance.

Time to put on a show, he thinks.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So far the questions have been tame. Mostly, the male host asked him about his work on the street and some upcoming fan events. Stuff he feels comfortable talking about. The female host chirped in here and there asking about his costume and the heroes that he teams up with from time to time. Izuku is very glad she didn't ask about his rivalry with Dynamight.

“So while we're talking about fans. We all know you are very popular with the ladies. Tell us, Deku, can you give our viewers some hope? Would you ever be open to dating a fan?”, the female host flashes him some pearly white teeth. Deku doesn't like where this is going. Predictable, expectable? Yes, both. Uncomfortable? Also yes.

“Well, I don't see why I wouldn't. I used to be a huge fan of All Might and he's basically my dad now.”, Izuku chuckles. He hopes mentioning All Might and his relationship with his mother is enough to divert the interviewer's curiosity. He rarely talks about them publicly. So, basically, he's throwing her a bone.

“I bet that's a huge relief for our viewers. But would any of them even have a chance? Are you open to date at the moment?”, the hostess continues her prodding.

An image of you pined beneath him flashes through his mind. Is he ready to date? He doesn't know.

Izuku gives her an awkward laugh.

“I guess I have to disappoint. The job is filling my days, thoughts and heart. I'm afraid there is not much room for anything else.”, he tells her.

When the woman gives him a Cheshire cat smile, he knows she's about to say something bad. Bad for him, but good for her.

“Yes, I bet serious dating must be hard in your line of work. But what about casual dating? There have been reports of you being seen with different women over the last year.”, she tells him innocently.

Izuku wants to roll his eyes. Really? That's where she is going? As if being photographed with someone means he's dating them.

Another image of you is flashing through his mind. This time you're sitting across from him in that bar. Looking all pretty in that dress, giving him bedroom eyes.

He's sure no one took pictures of you. His PR team would've given him hell if an image like that was leaked. Also, he's not dating you, not even casually. He slept with you one time.

And yet you left your contacts at his place.

“I'm afraid I'm not the type to date causally.”, he tells the interviewer and flashes her one of his signature smiles. Checkmate. Izuku feels triumphant when he sees the hostess's disappointed smile.

It disappears when the camera zooms in on her. “Well, ladies, you've heard it here! If our favorite hero falls for you, he's all in!”, she tells the camera with a booming smile.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Izuku feels more exhausted than he usually does. After he was finally allowed to go backstage again, people swarmed him. His PR team clapped him on the back, praising his witty answers. A backstage worker asked for an autograph for his kid. When he finally can retire to his dressing room, he's spent.

He slumps down in the chair in front of the big mirror with the big, round Hollywood-style lightbulbs around it. The bright light burns in his eyes. He takes a look at the reflection that stares back at him. The light makes him paler than he is. His skin looks almost ghostly and the makeup on his face suddenly does very little to hide the dark circles under his eyes. But, hey, at least his hair still looks perfect.

He can't seem to look away from his own image. For a moment he wonders if it's self-conceit so many heroes seem to carry. He watches his eyebrow furrow. That's not it. It's more like... looking at a stranger and trying to figure them out. What are they thinking? Do they have good intentions or bad ones? Can they be trusted? He scans his face like he does with villains and people in the street when he's patrolling.

He comes up with nothing.

He sighs and pushes a hand into the pocket of his pants. His fingers brush over the rough edges of the paper that's been sitting there for a couple of days now. By now the card must be bent and cracked. He pulls out your business card and looks at it.

Tutela Idumentis LLC Y/N L/N y/n.l/n@tutela-idumentis.com +1 711 23456

Of course, he's been nosy about the company on the card, so he googled it. Very quickly he ended up at an online store of a workwear clothing brand. Turns out, there's also a store of the brand here in Musutafu. Considering the lack of a title on your business card, he assumes you must work there as a store worker or something. Seems as if you aren't even a store manager.

He turns the card over and back to the front. He's tempted to send a text to the number on the card. That's why you left it, right? He sighs and shoves the card back into his pocket. Like he's done quite a few times before.

He doesn't need to text you. It's a bad idea. You both made it clear that you don't want a relationship. A hookup is fine, but turning it into a regular thing? That's the way you get caught by the press. Also, he's not sure if he can trust you. You had this aura around you. Kind of sneaky. And there's a devilish spark behind your eyes. He feels like it's best not to mess with you. He had a good night, you left and kept quiet about it. No big deal.

He decides that it's best to go home now. He gathers his things including a duffle bag with his hero costume and makes his way to the door. Usually, his security team would make sure that there is a car waiting for him but today he drove himself to the TV station. It gives him a certain authority over his own day instead of being dragged from one place to another. Lately, he's been feeling that most things lie outside of his control, so he enjoys these little decisions he can make for himself. Even if his head of security isn't always happy about them.

He manages to avoid most people on his way to the parking garage. After he's put his bag into the trunk, he slides into the driver's seat. He takes out his phone to put in the route back home. When he activates the mobile data on his phone, a flood of messages comes in. He's ignoring most of them but something catches his eye.

📷 @dynamight posted a new picture

He clicks on the notification and is led to Katsuki's Instagram page. He swallows hard when he sees the image Kacchan posted. It's a young woman in a white summer dress turning her back towards the camera with her arm outstretched behind her holding Katsuki's hand that can be seen at the bottom of the photo.

Izuku has met Kacchan's girlfriend before, even if it was only in passing. And yet the image of her burned itself into Izuku's mind. He's certain that it's her in the picture. Obviously, they are still together. But more importantly: Now they're officially together. That's more Izuku ever got from Katsuki.

Katsuki kept his relationship under wraps. Of course, there were rumors that he was seeing someone because the press always finds out. But he never commented on it, not even to deny the allegations.

And now he posted her. For the whole world to see. Telling everybody proudly: “That's my girl!”. No “We need to be careful.” or “Can you imagine what happens if this gets out?”. Izuku tries to swallow the lump in his throat. He feels betrayed. It's unfair. Why does this woman get what he wanted? What he waited for for so long? And she gets it this quickly? It makes him want to hate Katsuki. He's not sure what is boiling in his stomach, hurt or anger. Maybe both.

Quickly, he swipes the app away and opens maps.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He thought about it the whole way home. He was brooding over the implications of the picture Katsuki posted. About how it will change Katsuki's life and his work as a hero. From now on, he probably will bring his girlfriend to every red carpet event. The same events Izuku is invited to. Pushing the image of him and her further down his throat.

The silence of his apartment welcomes him. He doesn't turn on the big lights just yet. Instead, he opens the refrigerator and stays in the cool, dim light of it. He rummages through it to find something edible but nothing seems to raise his appetite.

He opens his phone again. Stares at the picture for a while. Then, he pulls out your business card. He puts the card and the phone next to each other on the counter. Stares at them until they blur together in his vision. His heart is pounding.

Finally, he picks up his phone again and types in your number.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

To say you're surprised to hear from the Nr. 1 hero of Japan again is an understatement. After a couple of days have passed without him texting you, you actually forgot about him. You don't dwell on hookups very long, even when they're rich and famous. You've met quite a few rich and famous people in your lifetime and you have to say that most of them are absolute pricks. Especially the male ones.

So, you were quite surprised when Izuku texted you inviting you for dinner. You find that invitation rather odd. Didn't he just recently say in an interview that he doesn't date? Casually or otherwise? And if he wants to hook up again, he doesn't really need to take you out first. After all, you know where he lives and you most certainly are down to go again.

He may be a rich famous prick, but at least he knows what he's doing in bed. Well, to be fair, he didn't strike you as a prick. Maybe a bit desperate for praise, but all in all he was quite respectful. At least he didn't use your contact info to force a signed NDA out of you.

You wipe at the side of your eye. Your eyeliner didn't turn out the way you want it to look like. You contemplate wiping it off completely but you decide it's probably not worth it anyway. It's likely your makeup won't stay in place this evening anyway. At least, that's your intention.

It'd be kind of funny if Izuku had serious intentions with this date. Well, not really, but it's always funny to you when men are easily wrapped around your finger. It's funny to see men's logical thinking going out of the window when a female body is involved.

You slip into the fancy dress you picked for tonight. Izuku told you that the restaurant he's taking you requires formal wear. You find it comical that he invites you out to such a fancy dinner. You wonder if letting him come inside is enough for him to fall in love. It makes you think he's a little bit pathetic. You're not interested in a relationship. You've got work to do and high ambitions. Romantic relations tend to stand in one's way. Moreover, you never were the relationship kind of person.

Your phone rings and you see that Izuku texted you that he's waiting for you downstairs. You grab your purse and make your way to the door.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Izuku expected you to live in a small apartment in the city. Probably in an area with cheap corner stores and buildings that have long passed their prime days. Somewhere cheap, but not run down. Somewhere where people with normal jobs or many children live.

However, you live in the suburbs. In a nice neighborhood with families that have two cars in their driveways and a simple, but modern architecture. Apparently, you have a whole house to yourself. He wonders if it's your childhood home.

He parks the car in front of your front door and shoots you a text. Waiting for you, he feels kind of nervous. He wonders if this is really a good idea. He's not sure what he hopes to come from this. He's not ready to move on and he's sick and tired of superficial meetings and onenightstands. He concludes he must be trying to numb himself from the fact that he won't find love anytime soon or ever for that matter.

He swallows hard when he sees you stepping outside the door. You're wearing a long, red dress with a slit that goes up to your hip leaving the plumpness of your upper leg exposed. He did tell you that the place he's taking you requires formal wear but this dress looks like you certainly had something different in mind than just grabbing dinner. You're stunning and Izuku suddenly feels intimidated by you. Clearly, you're dressed to kill, or rather to fuck.

You walk up to his car and get in at the passenger side.

“Hey.”, you greet him with a toothy smile and Izuku has to admit that the smile makes you look even more stunning.

“Hey”, he tells you back. He knows he must sound a bit stiff, but to be fair he has no idea where he is going with all this.

An awkward silence befalls the car as he starts the engine and pulls out of your street. You can see how tense Izuku is. Clearly, he's nervous or at least highly uncomfortable. You wonder why he invited you in the first place. Also, you find it strange how the usually confident, sympathetic hero is reduced to... this. Somehow you doubt it's due to him being intimidated by your sex appeal.

When Izuku doesn't start a conversation, you do. You attempt to make some small talk with him.

“So, how was work today?”, you ask him. Izuku takes a moment to answer.

“It's been alright, I guess.”, he replies vaguely. Internally, you want to groan. You opened up the stage for him to boast about his work. That's what men like to do, right? Especially men who work in his field! You manage to avoid rolling your eyes.

“Alright, how are things on the street then? Patrol keeping you busy?”, you continue to ask him. You can hear Izuku breathing in in relaxation.

“It's been alright. Some villains here and there but mostly things are quiet.”, he tells you.

“Really, I mean that must mean you can relax a lot, right?”, you say teasingly. Izuku lets out a laugh and you think it's a nice sound.

“I wish that was the case. But a hero's work does not stop at patrolling.”, he tells you.

“I bet. All that press work. And do you not also lead charity for the quirkless? I've always wondered what that is about. Since when do quirkless people need charity? Just because they're quirkless, doesn't mean they can't have a job and life like normal people.”, you say.

“Of course!”, Izuku replies feverishly, “That's not what the charity is about. It's about integration into society, about perspectives.”

You notice that Izuku's whole body language shifts. His chest is all puffed and he pushes his chin forward. You have to smile smugly. Seems like you've found something to poke him with.

“Integration? Perspectives? Sounds to me as if you consider the quirkless as some second-class citizens.”, you tease him. You try to make your voice sound all serious.

“No, not at all! But it's just a fact that the quirkless are treated differently in our superhero society. They're often excluded, are not given the same chances as others.”, he tells you. There's a passionate look in his eyes and you start to feel soft. It's sweet how passionately he feels about the situation of the quirkless.

“And your charity tries to do something against it?”, you ask in a kinder voice.

“Yes, we do. I know there's only so much we can do, at least until the rest of the people change their minds, but still... I think it's important. It shouldn't matter if a person has a powerful quirk or none at all. We're all people.”, he tells you.

You keep looking at the profile of his face. Izuku's eyes are set on the road ahead, but the look in them is stern and determined. Clearly, this topic is important to him. You wonder if it's alright to reveal something real about yourself.

“My mother is quirkless.”

You study how his facial expression changes. For a second, his eyes widen. His grip on the steering wheel loosens a bit.

“Oh, I didn't know that. I'm sorry if I talked about this as if I know more than you.”, he says a bit more quietly.

You shrug and laugh a bit.

“It's alright. My mother has a good life. She married wisely, I guess.”, you ponder. From the corner of your eye, you can see that Izuku gives you a side-eye.

After that, silence befalls the car again. This time you don't attempt to make conversation. The topic dimmed your mood.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

At the restaurant, the staff shows you to your seats. The waiter shows you two to a private booth out of sight by most people in the restaurant. You conclude that Izuku must've chosen this place in order to have some privacy. He probably couldn't take you to many other places. Suddenly, you feel sorry for Izuku not being able to just go on a date without having to think too much about it. Then again, he chose this life and that's just one of the many negative aspects of being a hero. Grimly, you think about how you are glad to live a different life.

“Have you already chosen, ma'am?”

The waiter rips you out of your thoughts. You blink a couple of times and turn your attention to the menu card that you are holding in your hands.

After the waiter takes your orders, Izuku and you are left alone in the tiny booth again. Again, an awkward silence befalls you. Izuku clears his throat.

“So... um you work in the clothing industry?”, he asks you. You give him a court nod.

“Yes, we opened a store here in Musutafu recently.”, you tell him. He nods. Seems as if he was right when he assumed you worked at the local store.

“You like working here?”, he continues to ask. You shrug.

“I guess. My family's originally from Japan, so I guess it's nice being able to see that side of the family more often.”, you ponder.

“Oh, you didn't grow up here?”, he wonders and you shake your head.

“Nah, I grew up in America. Moved there because of my dad's job.”, you say. Izuku nods understandingly.

“I wish I could've spent a semester or so abroad, like All Might. But in the end that wasn't possible.”, he laughs awkwardly.

“Well, you didn't miss much. America isn't as great as everybody makes it out to be. Especially when you work in the hero business. The paparazzi are hell there.”, you say sympathetically.

Izuku rubs the back of his head and laughs again.

“Well, they're not great here either. Can be a real pain to be honest.”, he replies.

You were just about to answer him when the waiter arrived with your food. Once the plates are set in front of you, the conversation dies down as you two eat. This time a comfortable silence surrounds you. After dinner, you two stay for another round of drinks and the conversation flows more easily. You ask him about what he likes to do after hours and his time at U.A. He asks questions about your life in America. He notices how you only vaguely answer them. Eventually you two pay and make your way back home.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Izuku parks in front of your house again. It's already dark outside and only the streetlights illuminate the inside of the car. Izuku's turned to you and you can barely see the freckles on his cheeks.

“I had a good time.”, you say and you mean it. Despite the occasional awkwardness, it was a nice date. And to be fair, Izuku's kind of cute when he's flustered. You teased him on purpose from time to time to bring that flustered expression out of him. You know it's probably a bit mean but you enjoy it too much to stop. Maybe it's your kink to see powerful men in weak positions.

Right now, Izuku wears exactly that expression and you can't help but smirk.

“Y-yeah... it's... it was nice. Maybe we could-”, Izuku can't finish his sentence. With a firm hold on his shirt, you yank him forward and press your lips against his. For the first few seconds, his brain barely reacts to what is happening. Then, he slowly puts his arms around you and kisses you back. You run your hands through his hair and deepen the kiss. A pleasant shiver runs down Izuku's spine. He places a hand on the back of your neck and pulls your face back onto his when you try to break the kiss apart.

You try to press your chest against his but the interior of the car is in your way. Suddenly, a light down the street gets turned on and you two quickly fall apart. It's a dog walker activating a porch light. Izuku pushes your head down. You stay like this until the walker has passed.

“Y'know if you wanted my head in your crotch, you could've just asked.”, you tell him grinningly.

Izuku lets go of your head and straightens his posture. He lets out a breath he didn't notice he was holding.

“I'm sorry... it's just...”, he starts.

“It's okay. You don't want to get caught. Career and everything.”, you say understandingly and Izuku is glad you get it. Then there's a mischievous gleam in your eyes and you grip onto his shirt again.

“But y'know... There is no such thing as bad press.”, you say and pull him back into your mouth again. Izuku groans and then pushes you away.

“We really shouldn't... not here...”, he trails while his eyes are fixated on your lips. You can already see his self-control slipping.

“Come up with me then.”, you invite him.

Izuku hesitates. You reach out your hand and lightly push your hand through the sides of his hair. Then, you cup his cheek. Softly, you trail his lips.

“Please.”

Izuku lets out a shaky breath before sighing. “You're a devil”, he tells you and you laugh.

“So, you're coming up then?”, you grin.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Izuku didn't expect your home to look so... homely. He lowkey expected either very modern furniture that has a lot of flat surfaces with nothing on it or very old furniture that you inherited from your parents (like the house most likely). However, the inside of your house is tasteful. Soft beige and blue pastel tones dominate the rooms. The décor is feminine and simple. Dried flowers in vases, fairy lights, and soft blankets. He wonders what's it with you and blankets. You seem to keep one in every room.

You lead him through the living room to the staircase where you take him upstairs into your bedroom. Your bedroom is in the same style as the rest of the house. Izuku admits it's very cozy. He much rather slip under your bed's covers underneath the fairy lights and fall asleep than do whatever you've got planned.

He's still looking around the room when you start to take off your shoes and dress. He's taken aback when he notices you undressing and tries to avoid looking in your direction. As if he hasn't seen you naked before.

You catch his awkward look and have to chuckle. “Can you help me with this?”, you ask and point to the back of your bra. There's no denying it. You love teasing him. Swiftly and precisely, he opens your bra and you slip it off. You feel sorry for the man, so you pull a T-shirt over your head.

“Metalon? You like old-schooled heroes like that?”, Izuku asks teasingly. Only then do you notice the shirt you pulled over your head. Immediately, you're embarrassed.

“No, not really.”, you quickly say and pull the T-shirt over your head again. Izuku watches you with furrowed brows. While you are rummaging through your wardrobe for another T-shirt, he wonders if his comment made you feel so insecure that you felt the need to change clothes.

“You know, you didn't need to change it. It was just a joke.”, he tells you. You pull a sour grimace. “Yeah, I know.”, you answer him courtly. But nothing is more off-putting than wearing your dad's clothes before having sex with someone, you think.

Quickly, you dive under the covers on your bed and get cozy. You wave for Izuku to join you. Izuku slips out of his pants and shirt and joins you in the bed. Your blankets feel as soft as they look, he decides. You slide closer next to him. Your skin feels warm underneath his and he puts an arm around you. He's sure he could fall asleep then and there if it wasn't for you kissing up his neck.

He groans when you suck on that sweet spot just beneath his ear. He turns his head and meets you in a kiss. The kiss quickly becomes heated and he can feel your tongue begging for entrance. At the same time, your hand trails a pattern on the skin of his chest. A shiver of anticipation runs down his spine as he feels your fingers trail lower with each passing second. His left-hand finds its way to your breasts as well. Gently, he massages one of them through the plain black T-shirt you're wearing. Carefully, you break the kiss apart.

“You can take it off, you know?”, you say while looking at him with hooded eyes. Carefully, Izuku lifts the shirt over your head. He takes a moment to take in the sight in front of him. You're beautiful. Part of him wishes you'd take off the panties as well. Before he can dwell on the sight too long, you shuffle closer to him. You nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck and push your breasts against his chest.

Izuku pulls you closer, softly petting the skin of your back. It's been a while since he felt as comfortable and warm as he does now. It doesn't even bother him that you two are about to turn things sexual. Actually, it excites him. Usually, he's in for a quick fuck. Trying to ignore the person in front of him, just chasing his own release. It makes things easier. Easier to not get attached. He doesn't care about this this time. He longs for that closeness. That closeness he used to have with...

He pushes the thought out of his mind. He's with you right now. And right now you're sucking and biting on his earlobe which gets harder to ignore with each passing second. He lets his hands wander into your hair. Gently, he angles your head in a way that he can kiss you again. While he kisses you this time, you hold onto his arms. He can feel you rocking your hips against his. Seems as if you're already in the mood. Carefully, he breaks the kiss apart.

“You want it? Then you need to work for it.”, he tells you huskily. You groan and roll your eyes.

“You're mean.”, you reply. Then, you give him a devilish smile and disappear beneath the blanket.

Izuku leans back in anticipation. He can feel your hands running up and down his legs before pulling his boxers down. He puts his arm underneath the blanket and scratches the back of your head. It isn't long before he can feel you licking a stripe up and down his half-hard member. You take the still kind of limp dick in your mouth and gently massage it with your tongue. You can hear Izuku groan above you. It doesn't take long before Izuku's fully erect. Only then, you start bobbing your head up and down his length. The muscles in Izuku's legs tense up and you notice how he fights the urge to thrust up into your mouth. You contemplate whether Izuku's able to get another one up if you finish him like this. Eventually, you decide it's not worth the shot. You do want to get some tonight as well.

Luckily for you, Izuku must be thinking a similar thing since he pulls you up from his dick at some point. You crawl up Izuku's body and place both hands on either side of his head holding yourself up. That position only lasts a few seconds as Izuku pulls you down against him. He kisses you again and gropes your ass. You run your hands through his hair. You can feel him slide his dick over your clothed pussy and you have to break the kiss moaning.

“You think we can take this off?”, he asks you while pulling on the elastic band of your panties.

“Definitely.”, you pant.

Deku holds up your hips with one arm and uses his other hand to pull down your panties in one swift motion. Carefully, he places your hips down again and runs a hand up and down your leg.

“You're beautiful.”, he says in a soft voice and leans down to kiss you again.

Somehow this feels different, you decide. The way he lightly pushes you down into your plush pillow. How he caresses the skin of your hips. How he lets his lips ghost over your shoulder up to your neck before carefully sucking on the sensitive skin on your throat.

It's so different than last time. Everything feels softer, but more firmly too. As if Izuku thinks exactly what to touch next. It's a stark contrast to the needy heat of last time. You bask in the anticipation Izuku builds up with his soft but determined touch.

Finally, Izuku's hands dip in between your legs and you gasp at the feeling of his fingers running through your slick folds. Gently, he massages the wet flesh carefully avoiding your clit and hole. The skin on the back of your neck starts to itch. You need him. You need him to finally give you satisfaction. You groan in frustration.

“What is it, princess? Are you not feeling good?”, he asks you.

You bite your lip before answering: “I'm feeling good, Izuku. Just... just please!”.

He doesn't tease you. Doesn't say something along the lines: “Use your voice. Tell me what you want”. No, he leans down to kiss your mouth again. While kissing, he finally touches your clit. You thrust your hips upwards to his hand. Gently he rubs circles on the sensitive bud. You break the kiss moaning.

“Shit.”, you curse. You can't help but look down. Where his hand meets your womanhood. You can feel the wetness pooling between your folds. Izuku kisses the side of your face.

“Focus on me.”, he tells you and you look up to him. He leans over your side and you stroke the side of his face. His green eyes capture yours and you can't seem to look away. One of his fingers finds your hole and enters you. Again, you gasp gently but you don't look away.

There's something sensual and intimate about looking into somebody's eyes while they're inside you. You can feel your heart beating out of rhythm with Izuku's fingers entering and exiting you. You can't help but want more. You want him hovering above you, your hands running down his sweat-stained chest and his cock inside you in the same rhythm as your heartbeat.

“Izuku”, you pant, “Don't you want to fuck me?”

Izuku groans and leans down to suck on your nipple. When his eyes find yours again, he says “Desperately so”. He pulls his fingers out of you and you rummage to find a condom.

Once you pulled it over his dick, you get in position. He's taking you missionary this time and you think it's fitting for tonight. Gently, Izuku spreads your legs apart and you lead him to your entrance. Slowly, he enters you while leaning down to your face again. He gives you a moment to adjust before setting a slow pace.

You wrap your arms around his neck and enjoy just how deep he reaches you. Goddamnit, he's so sexy, you think. The way his green locks fall into his face. The way his face contorts in pleasure. The way short, sharp breathes exit his mouth. You want to watch him fall apart.

You stop his thrusting and push against his chest. Izuku stops and gives you a puzzled look. “What?”, he asks you.

“Sit up and lean against the headboard.”, you tell him. Izuku follows your order and sits at the head of your bed. You crawl up to him, gently kissing his leg before sitting up and hovering over his dick. Gently you touch his cheek before sinking down on his cock.

Izuku lets out a long moan and pants when your pussy is finally fully stretched above him. Carefully, you start rocking your hips. Izuku's hands immediately fly up to your sides helping you with your motions. You lean back, steadying yourself with your hands on his legs. You give him a full display of your tits and the way his dick slides in and out of you. His eyes almost bulge out of their sockets and you need to suppress the urge to laugh at him.

You fuck him like this until his head falls back against the headboard. Only then, you sit up again. You continue rocking your hips but you lean towards him wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him close.

“I-i don't think I last very long anymore...”, he tells you panting and you have to smirk.

“Good.”, you whisper back at him.

You start a faster, more grinding pace on him and Izuku throws his head back again in a choked moan. You grind on him harder than before and you enjoy how the base of his cock stimulates the hard bud of your clitoris. Keeping the pace up, you start chasing your own high.

“Sh-shit, y/n...”, you hear him groan and you can feel his cock twitch inside you. You rock your hips harder into him getting more friction to your clit. You feel how his hands grip your hips but you're too lost in your own pleasure to care what he's doing. You can feel the heavy feeling in your stomach building up indicating that an orgasm will hit you soon. You grip onto his shoulders and blend out his moans and heavy breathing. Finally, you fuck yourself over the edge and your pussy starts spasming around his member. Izuku lets out a “Fuck, yes!” and comes with a shudder.

You stay on his cock trying to catch your breath. Izuku's head lolled onto your shoulder when he came. He stays nuzzled into your neck, softly caressing the skin of your lower back. You can already feel Izuku's dick softening inside of you but you don't want to get off yet. The expectation for this night was to have steamy, hot sex with him. Instead, you fucked more like lovers than strangers.

A cold shiver runs down your spine. You don't want a lover. You tap his shoulder and Izuku looks up with hooded eyes. Carefully, you slide off of him. The feeling of him slipping out of you leaves you feeling empty. It seems as if Izuku is brought back to reality as he clears his throat.

“Where's your bathroom?”, he asks and you point to a door at the side. He slides out of bed picking up his boxers on the way to the bathroom. You lean back against the headboard.

“Shit.”, you mumble. Quickly, you get up and open the window as wide as possible in hopes that some cool, fresh air can order your thoughts. What was I thinking fucking him like this?, you ask yourself. Izuku strikes you as a man who falls in love quickly. You don't want to give him any false hopes.

But it felt so good. Being held like that. Being worshipped like that.

You rub your temple and start looking through a drawer. You pull out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. You rarely smoke and if you do, you do it with a purpose. To piss off your parents. To impress someone with smoke rings. To calm your head when stressed. You light up a cigarette and take in a deep breath.

“Care to share?”, Izuku's voice can be heard behind you. You don't respond but lift up the half-full cigarette pack up to him. You feel him stepping closer to you and taking the pack from you. You can feel the warmth radiating off his body on your back. He's not touching you but he's awfully close. You hear the clicking of the lighter and Izuku taking a pull of his cigarette.

A smoke ring wavers outside the window beside you. Then you feel his hand on your hip.

“That was intense.”, he tells you and you have to laugh.

“Yeah, I guess it was.”, you reply and take another drag.

Izuku snips some ash from his cigarette and you can't help but lean back against him. He presses a kiss into the base of your neck. His green hair tickles your skin.

“I wonder...”, he starts and you want to cringe. Izuku clears his throat.

“I wonder if you'd like to make this a regular thing.”, he says and you halt.

“What do you mean?”, you ask unsurely. Please don't ask me to start dating you, you beg internally.

“Us. Fucking.”, he replies and you turn around to him in disbelief. He must've noticed the surprised look on your face and he shrugs.

“You want good sex, didn't you say that? And I need to blow off some steam once in a while.”, he explains. A smirk blooms on your face.

“Wow, you're that confident in your expertise? Think you can keep me satisfied longterm?”, you tease him. Izuku lets go of your hip and puts a hand under your chin raising it a bit.

“Believe me, I haven't even started to show you what I can do.”, he tells you with darkened eyes. You raise your eyebrow challenging.

“I guess that means I have to find out.”, you tell him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taglist: @yupsthings @the-dumpster-fire-of-life @scrumptiouslampwobblercop @sillycattie @tiredjuniper @nine-lives715 @dinorawrss @tomiokasecretlover @kousloverr @whippedbyikemen @potatocatsan @orgasmofwine @otakukittyowo

[Please comment if you'd like to be tagged in possible future parts. If you're already on the tag list, you don't need to comment again.]

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Why We Are isn't just a fluffy no-plot show

I just read this post by @twig-tea, which honestly is a very well written, thought out post and I'd recommend giving it a read, it brings up many pertinent questions.

Having said that, I want to make just a small interjection as someone who really enjoyed We Are. This isn't just a biased view of why We Are is good - it has quite a few faults too. [can't even write a post without- *grumbling* so sorry my cat was prancing all over the bed threatening to pee] Where was I- yes. What I'm trying to say through this post is that We Are is queer in it's own right and while it might not match up to some of the greats of our time (Bad Buddy) it does resonate with a lot of queer people (including me.)

I myself asked @desi-yearning why I liked We Are. I was rewatching the show so at the time it was a sort of rhetorical question, but then I really thought about it. Why do I like We Are? The answer I arrived it is not as simple as I'd though it be (that it's a good fluffy show).

I am out and proud as a fluff enjoyer. I know angst reflects real world struggles and what queer people have to go through on a regular basis. I don't like angst but the why is a story for another time. Historically though, it's not that I've never watched angst or enjoyed it (I entered the bl world with KinnPorsche so-) but it's more a personal choice.

Now, coming to We Are specifically, I was actually skeptical all the way till episode 5 or 6, I think. I don't remember specifically what happened, but by ep 8 I was hooked.

All that rambling aside, here are the reasons why I think maybe We Are isn't just a no-plot fluff show:

Fans are actually leaning towards high stakes shows. GMMTV usually pretty accurately represents the wants of the bl-fan demographic (they have to, to earn the most profit) and it has slowly been turning towards ansgty, hard "real-world" (though this time with all the fate stuff and tarot cards it's more "we have nothing else to produce please give us your money") shows (whether they are well done or not, however, is another question altogether). I know that's a bit of an assumption but from meta on tumblr too, I get the same feeling. Therefore, We Are was a bit of a dark horse. P'New himself said, in almost all interviews that he never expected We Are to be commercially successful, he just made it because he wanted to. So... why?

Couple pairings. I have a LOT of beef with GMMTV. Much of it stems from their couple pairing strategy. While I do have my favourite pairing(s) (and I hate it because it means those capitalist idiots have been successful in their matchmaking scheme), I absolutely detest them overworking these pairings to produce commercially successful shows that are actually hollow. We Are, however, introduced a new pairing that was, by some, even more loved than the 'main' couple. For me, personally, I actually had very little idea about the other pairings too. I had seen PondPhuwin in NLMG but it was a high-angst show that made me queasy and I did not look further than what the show gave me. I had seen AouBoom as side couples but had hardly paid them any mind more than to maybe say "oh they're cute". I had seen WinnySatang in MSP and a couple more sides but I wasn't entirely convinced by that either. I only learnt more about them during or after the show, so they had less than nothing to do with me watching We Are. Alternatively, MLMU Th was disappointing for me, and I love GeminiFourth. When I watch a show, I do pay attention to the pairings, but that's not the only thing that can carry a show for me.

Friendship. This is a big one. I'm in college. Friendship is a very big, very important part of college/uni. I've never had many friends and honestly did enter college mentally prepared to go through all four years alone. But then I made friends. I just- they are so important to me. I know I'm maybe not as important to them as they are to me but I know they'll help me out when I ask. So when I saw this little show about friendship as a central point, I embraced it hard and cried about it at night. If you peel off the few outer layers, at it's core, it's all about friends. And that just got to me. It was more found family adjacent which is also a soft spot of mine. It's about not taking friendship for granted, about cherishing what you have, about putting your friends first, and always being there for them.

Queer representation. We Are examines overused tropes in a new light. Big example of this is how Peem/Phum could have very easily turned into a dark, toxic relationship. Even a few years back, it would have. But it didn't. We understood why Phum was the way he was. And Peem was never for a moment shown to be anything but his equal or tolerating any of his bullshit (even during the slave era he made it abundantly clear to Phum that this was wrong and if he really didn't want to, he wouldn't be doing it. He specifically told Phum to not let Peem's friends know because Peem knew, with absolute certainty, that if they found out, Phum would be buried alive). He even called Phum out multiple times. Moreover, it is also a story about queer groups, about queer friendship, specifically. I think bls don't show that enough. Even through the hard times, we do sometimes have people to support us, be it just one fellow queer or a whole group. It is also about acceptance of self and acceptance of love. Another thing that really got to me was the friends-to-lovers arc of ChainPun. I've often had crushes on my friends, and I've either confessed long after, when I didn't like them anymore, or never confessed at all. That shit is hard. In 12th grade, I had a very embarassing crush and most of my friends knew about it, so that trope was very cathartic for me. However. I did want Phum's relationship with his estranged father to be better explored. I don't like how easily they blow that away. It has been a pattern (mentioned in the linked post) and while I love my accepting parents/guardians, I do think we do also need homophobic ones. To change older generations' mindset, I think it's better to show them initially as conservative and harsh but slowly become accepting near the end of the series because they realize that if they continue their behaviour they might just lose their loved ones for good. (Homophobic parents is also very close to my heart but I have a complicated relationship with it.)

No plot. We Are does have an idiot plot, i.e., it's character driven. But I don't think it's entirely devoid of an overarching plot/storyline. Every character does play out a little bit of plot that plays into a bigger picture. Every character has a place, a purpose. Comparing the beginning to the finale, we see the characters have changed not just due to character development, but also as a result of the characters around them and the circumstances they were placed in. And all of these characters are tied together, somehow.

I have no idea if all that makes any sense, but yeah, that's my take on it.

This post was actually sparked off by a few questions that came up after I read the post linked in the beginning; can't queer people be happy? Despite all the struggles and the suffering, can't they have a home to come to? Does queer rep always neccessarily have to be angsty with a barely-happy ending? Does our love always have to be bittersweet?

If you've read this far, thank you so much for giving my rambling a chance! =D

Please rest your eyes for a moment and remember to hydrate <3

Here, have a donut 🍩

[cellarspider]

26/30 PIE to the face

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We return to a movie that is going to linguistically hurt me again, Prometheus. You get to read a ramble about PIE. You’re welcome.

Content warning for MORE OF ME. I cannot be stopped.

So. Imagine you have found a sleeping alien. You believe that they were on a mission to destroy humanity as a disappointment. What do you do? Not waking them up is certainly an option. But what if you do? You’re going to want to not disappoint them.

One could, for example, study the records still maintained within the alien ship. Learn about their culture. Get more than one guy to learn their language, particularly since this translator you’ve got seems to be a little gung-ho on things like “seeing [his] parents dead.” That’s a bit of a warning sign.

And hey, something horrible happened on this ship, probably right before or right after this alien was put into hibernation. There’s a lot of dead bodies on the ship. Having a trauma counselor or three there would be a good call. People trained in de-escalation, definitely. Give you a chance to talk the alien down, and help them process stuff in what’s hopefully a culturally appropriate manner, given your xenological research before waking them up.

You’ll probably want to make sure to take the “kill humanity” button away from them too, that would be a good idea. And, preferably, not have exploded the head of one of their colleagues.

Am I describing a process that would take years? Yes. It should. This is the most important thing humanity’s ever done.

It’s been two days since the Prometheus landed.

As stated before, my faith in fictional humanity was not high in this scene.

David wakes the Engineer up. Rather than any of the measures I described above, the Engineer is met with David, Weyland, some security guys, Doctor Franenstein the head-exploder, and Shaw.

It took most of the humans a good hour or so to stop looking like death after waking up after a two year nap, and this Engineer’s been under for a thousand times longer. The poor bugger is visibly hung over and feeling sick, almost falling over on Weyland.

Shaw starts demanding David ask where they’re from, what’s in the ship’s cargo, why was it made for humans, all in English as Weyland tries to talk over her. They are speaking a language that only took its modern form 1600 years after the last events on this ship took place. The Engineer has zero clue what anyone’s saying.

The Engineer remains silent, and visibly disturbed by how Wayland orders his security guy to hit Shaw, which just makes the still unintelligible questions louder and less coherent.

And then David starts speaking to them.

There was a short dialog between them filmed, but in the final cut, the Engineer doesn’t speak at all.

The final cut also removes Weyland’s pitch for why he should have immortality–he created life in David. David is something more perfect than human. Therefore Weyland is a god, and gods never die.

This is, as you can imagine, not convincing. It would’ve made Weyland slightly more explicable as a character, but the movie hasn’t even done that for its lead, so of course it doesn’t for Old Man Capitalism.

In the full release, David only says a few sentences. To quote Anil Biltoo, who wrote the translation:

The line that David speaks to the Engineer (which is from a longer sequence that didn’t make the final edit) is as follows: /ida hmanəm aɪ kja namṛtuh zdɛ:taha/…/ghʷɪvah-pjorn-ɪttham sas da:tṛ kredah/ A serviceable translation into English is: ‘This man is here because he does not want to die. He believes you can give him more life’.

This is–okay. In the theater, I did not know precisely what this language was. But I was making a fair imitation of the Engineer's expression in response to this, because I was pretty sure it was PIE.

Proto-Indo-European, that is. A massive swath of world languages are all traceable back to one source, though we have no records of it. Linguistic reconstruction of how they evolved from earlier roots allows us to infer a language that must have existed, and we call that the Proto-Indo-European language. PIE for short. And this is a big ol’ slice of PIE right here. 

And I had a whole thing in early drafts of this post. I’d convinced myself over the years that my inexperience with PIE had led me astray in the theater. I’d convinced myself this was a PIE conlang. Meaning, I thought this was a language created for this movie that sounds like a cousin to PIE. That’s still howlingly weird, for reasons I’ll get into. But then I saw this featurette:

[Video description: A behind the scenes featurette for Prometheus entitled “Language Of The Gods”. It interviews Anil Biltoo on his work for the movie, in which he explains the concept of a proto-language, of PIE in specific, and what he did for the movie.]

It’s PIE. It’s a different reconstruction of PIE than the current standard, but it’s PIE.

And I feel vindicated, because that’s what I heard in the theater. David opened his mouth and out came PIE. 

I can actually read a few words in the excerpt. I could hear them in the theater. The word /hmanəm/ is clearly meant to be a root word of “man”, which standard reconstructions indicate is the descendent of PIE *ǵʰmṓ. /Namṛtuh/ is very clearly from PIE *ne-mért, “not-die”, because anything that looks like “mort” in an indo-european language probably has something to do with death. And “/kredah/” is close to PIE *ḱréddʰh₁eti, hence Latin “crēdit”, hence modern italian “créde”, “he believes”. 

PIE is just like that, sometimes. Some roots are unrecognizable, others are instantly identifiable. I’ll include my attempt at a gloss (a brief technical explanation of the meaning and grammar) at the end of the post.

The implication is that the Engineers taught their language to humans. That was Proto-Indo-European, which then spread from there. I almost started laughing in the theater at this. 

In the real world, we know a few things about where PIE came from. PIE was probably spoken by people north of the Black Sea, at least five thousand years ago. This guy who’s just woken up with a hibernation hangover went to sleep three thousand years after that. 

But, y’know what? Fine. Let’s say it’s a liturgical language. David’s done the equivalent of walking up to somebody and speaking to them in church Latin. Weird, but not impossible that it could be understood. Or maybe they’re just so damn long-lived and linguistically conservative that it’s more like talking to somebody in an old-timey news broadcaster voice. Still weird! But comprehensible.

But you know what we can’t possibly link back to PIE? Egyptian, Sumerian, Akkadian, Hawaiian, or the Mayan languages, most of the other ancient cultures the movie says the Engineers definitely contacted. Did all those come from the same ur-language? We don’t know. We can’t know, because our reconstruction methods are ineffective past a certain point. But if they did, then their root language had to have existed before the Bering Strait closed off the Americas from Asia, making any common ancestor at least twice as old as PIE. The movie’s implication is that it was PIE. The language of the gods is PIE. PIEngineer.

Apparently everybody who the Engineers talked to just forgot the language of the gods, save for the linguistic descendants of some nomads on the Black Sea Steppe.

And that’s before we get into the worse implications. We can’t tie East Asian languages back to PIE. Austronesian languages. American languages. African languages. Were these people just not contacted by the Engineers? Did they forget? Did they refuse to listen?

None of these are good answers! None! They’re all bad!

In Anil Biltoo’s defense, he’s an academic linguist, and, to my knowledge, not one who’s a conlanger. Ridley Scott specifically wanted to work in the oldest possible human language, and Biltoo delivered on that, based on modern scholarship. He did not make an alien language that evolved into a human language. If Scott had wanted that, David and Jesse Peterson would probably go feral for the project, but they weren’t asked. What would be the most naturalistic thing to do, if you wanted to get across the idea that humans inherited language from the Engineers?

You make a Proto-Human language. People have tried before, and others have argued their attempts are bullshit. This is one of those times that Wikipedia has a “the neutrality of this article is disputed” flag at the top of the page, because there are nerd fights everywhere on this. We don’t even know if a Proto-Human language ever existed–there could have been multiple independent origins of language–but if you’re writing fiction, sure, Proto-Human exists.

Come up with a vocabulary and grammar that could work for Proto-Human, have David speak it to the Engineer, it sounds alien to everybody, nobody gets to be the special children of the gods, and no linguistics dork in the audience will laugh at you.

They will definitely laugh at what happens next, though.

But the post is not done! Bonus linguistic nerdery below, including a sample of my constructed language and its script.

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Citations for alt-text rambles:

https://moomin.fandom.com/wiki/Stinky 

https://www.deviantart.com/pretty--kittie/art/Prometheus-Engineer-407327934 

https://www.uni-wuerzburg.de/en/news-and-events/news/detail/news/new-indo-european-language-discovered/

Edit: additional citations!

Movies in 15 Minutes review of Prometheus by @cleolinda, as retrieved from the Internet Archive. Hat tip to @kantama for identifying it!: https://web.archive.org/web/20120726203957/http://m15m.livejournal.com/23209.html

PIEngineer gloss

Alright, for the language nerds in the audience, I’ve put together a potential gloss, entirely based off of PIE roots available on Wiktionary and a shaky understanding of PIE verb construction:

/ida hmanəm aɪ kja namṛtuh zdɛ:taha/…/ghʷɪvah-pjorn-ɪttham sas da:tṛ kredah/ this.[singular neuter??] man.NOM [anaphoric demonstrative].1.NOM.MASC here not-die EMPHATIC/towards.3MASC.PRES(?)…life-many-[resultative or inchoative verb suffix? adjective of possession, accusative singular?] [genitive singular reflexive?] give.[middle 3S] believe.[stative(?) 3S] A more literal translation would therefore be “This man here does not (want to) approach death…he believes he (can be) given more life-having to himself.”

I am not good at figuring out suffix affixation for PIE verbs, so I probably missed or misinterpreted a few in there. I’m not sure how to break down /zdɛ:taha/ in particular, and /sas/ is a bit mysterious to me. Biltoo definitely created his own PIE reconstruction for this. Vowels are all shifted (ex *éy -> /aɪ/), there’s more palatal consonants (*ḱi-Ø -> /kja/, *polh₁-r̥-m -> pjorn), and other sound shifts I’m too scatterbrained to categorize right now.

PIEngineer to Tade Taadži translation

Alright. I previously mentioned that I have a conlang. I have yet to mention that it is distantly related to Prometheus, powered by the spiteful creative energy this movie engendered in me.

So it’s only fair I translate this passage into my language, write it in my script, and give a thorough gloss.

Jàà odormàà, hu sàà id aannãgu … midadjã kii jur kaas ʻus mogeso. /jɐː odoɾmɐː hu sɐː id aːnːãgu/ / … /midadjã kiː juɾ̥ kaːs ʔus mogeso/ This.VOC not-native-person.VOC, death.ALL not go.ATTR want.PRES. Forever.NOM give this.ALL 2S.VOC ACC 3S.NEAR.ponder.PRES.3P.FAR.ACC

Translation notes:

I am assuming David is speaking formally, clearly, and respectfully in this translation, even if one of the people he’s being respectful about is Weyland. Both Weyland and the Engineer are thus addressed using the Vocative case when first directly mentioned.

Due to the formality of the speech, formal style glyphs are also used: these require significant planning ahead of time, to identify ligatures, aesthetic considerations, and, ideally, to select a total number of words that works out to a multiple of six, as this is culturally the ideal number for a line of text.

Formal ligatures can cross glyph boundaries, and are read every time you encounter part of them in the left-to-right, top-to-bottom reading order. The most common ligatures are between grammatical markers, as in this text, but can extend to whole glyphs or even individual components of them. If one is feeling particularly artistic, aesthetic ligatures may also be joined between thematically similar glyphs.

Gendered pronouns are not used in this context. Politeness dictates that any third person pronouns be replaced with the equivalent of “this” or “that”, unless given express permission to use more informal terms of address. This is especially true when referring to non-native speakers, as they do not have an equivalent social role to the five (yes, five) genders of Taadži culture.

The word for “non-native person” used to indicate Weyland literally means “thing that has a spirit”.

Following my shaky PIEngineer gloss, I tweaked the verb in the first sentence: “to die” would normally be “hur hybà” (lit. “to stand at death”), but this has been changed to “hu iddà”, “go to death”, indicating that Weyland fears even getting near the idea.

The word for “forever”, “midadjã”, is derived from the word for 6^6, or 46,656. Tade Taadži uses a base six number system, because I felt like taking Jan Misali up on his heximal advocacy.

The normal word order for the language is SVO, but in dependent clauses it becomes OVS, just to make things harder for everyone, including me, who muttered “ah fuck” when I had to check my notes to remember where to put an allative and vocative in there. It’s after the verb, apparently.

The language has verbal person marking in some contexts, and I deliberately bent the second sentence into a more poetic mode so that I could show it off while retaining formal speech, referring to Weyland’s belief as if it’s a person. The glyphs ligate the person marker to the tense marker, Both to save space and for aesthetic purposes.

I had no word for “believe” when I started writing this sentence, so I grabbed a verb already associated with thinking during unmoving meditation to stand in for it, to get across the idea that “this is something he has thought about a lot”.

It’s a shame David’s being polite, because while I didn’t have a word for “believe”, I do have a word for “to believe despite evidence to the contrary”.

Bonus citations:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daemon_(computing)

⛬

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[jinxedshapeshifter]

Angsty Flower Language Inspiration for Your Next Hanahaki Disease Story

Didn't specify fanfiction because hanahaki disease definitely doesn't have to be specific to fanfiction BUT ANYWAY. I don't see enough people use flower language in hanahaki stuff. Maybe I just don't read enough hanahaki disease fanfiction, but I am here to tell you some (maybe not) fun flower language you can add to your hanahaki stuff to add some spice for anyone who knows flower language.

Also, I'm specifically referencing Victorian flower language here. Just figured I'd clarify. If I get anything wrong please correct me aljsfgadg

Carnations

Striped Carnations - This is one I'm surprised I don't see more often. Striped carnations symbolize refusal. There are so many ways you could go about this. Refusal to accept/admit feelings, refusal to be with the individual afflicted, more that I can't think of off the top of my head. Get creative, y'know?

Yellow carnations - Yellow carnations are a step above striped carnations. Where striped carnations are used to symbolize refusal, yellow ones are used to symbolize rejection, disdain, and disappointment, and therefore won't be as flexible when used in hanahaki disease stories. Doesn't mean you can't crank up the angst though; yellow carnations could be great for use in an enemies to lovers type story.

Roses

Black roses - I'm only bringing up black first because of the angst potential lol. Black roses symbolize death, hatred, despair, sorrow, mystery, danger, and obsession. Do with that what you will, make people fucking sob with it.

Yellow roses - Hitting you once again with the angst, while yellow roses do have positive meaning (friendship, apology, intense emotion, and undying love) they also have some that will make your readers do a double take if they read that your character is coughing up yellow roses and know the symbolism. On the negative side of the coin of yellow rose meanings, yellow roses can symbolize betrayal, broken hearts, jealousy, and infidelity. I want to read a hanahaki fic where a character who is in a relationship suddenly develops hanahaki with no warning and the flowers they're coughing up end up being yellow roses because their partner is cheating.

Hyacinth

Purple hyacinth - Purple hyacinth from what I gather is basically used to ask for forgiveness, and also symbolizes sorrow. Use it for when the character who is the subject of the afflicted's affections realizes what's going on and is made deeply upset by it? 👀

Yellow hyacinth - Yellow hyacinth symbolizes jealousy. Not sure exactly how you'd add this to a hanahaki story but I'd love to see how someone tries to!

Lilies

Asphodel - Lots of people already know this (you know who you are) but asphodel is a type of lily that symbolizes death. I love the idea of this being used when one character suddenly dies and another develops hanahaki as a result.

Orange lilies - While orange lilies can symbolize desire and passion (adding a little bit of potential hope to your story), they also symbolize hatred. I'm sure your readers will have lots of fun deciphering which one it is if you're subtle with it lol.

Peruvian lilies - The main symbolism I'm personally looking at here is the symbolism of friendship. Friendzoned through hanahaki disease with an absolutely beautiful flower, what a way to be friendzoned.

Spider lilies - Red spider lilies are referred to as the Lily of Death, do with that as you will and make your readers fucking sob in the process.

Miscellaneous

Wormwood - Again, lots of people already know the symbolism of wormwood (you know who you are) but wormwood symbolizes bitterness and sorrow. ANGST.

Wolfsbane - Perfect for your human/part human falling in love with a non-human who hates humans, wolfsbane symbolizes misanthropy, which is the general dislike, hatred, or distrust of humans (which gives me an idea for a D&D Honor Among Thieves fic but that's besides the point).

Tansy - Tansy apparently means "I declare war on you" and honestly I would LOVE to see a fic where a character develops hanahaki disease, starts coughing up tansies, and starts fucking PANICKING because they know the symbolism.

Rainflower - one of the potential meanings of rainflower is "I will never forgive you" SO GO FORTH AND MAKE ANGST.

Aloe - Aloe symbolizes grief. I don't think I have to go any farther.

Now go forth and use flower language in your hanahaki stories to bring tears. Please I am begging you

[transsongtaewon]

[Read on Ao3]

"Do you think it's possible to be a werewolf in a cisgender way?"

Yerim was munching on popcorn, watching as the man on the tv turned into a slighter larger, hairier man with cooler teeth.

"What?"

Yoohyun was sitting next to her, ignoring the popcorn Yerim had very kindly placed where they could both reach it. She had asked if he wanted to watch the movie together on a whim, not really expecting him to take her up on it, but he'd just looked vaguely annoyed and agreed. So now here they were, watching a mediocre monster movie together because Yerim thought the summary sounded funny.

"Just, can you be a werewolf in a cis way? Or, wait, do you not know what cis means?"

It made sense, of course. Why would Yoohyun of all people know about this stuff.

"Of course I know what cis means, who do you take me for." Yoohyun looked a little insulted and a little smug at the same time.

"Sometimes I almost understand why ahjussi thinks you're cute."

The look on his face morphed into one of abject horror, making Yerim cackle. "If we destroy another couch this week ahjussi will be disappointed! Don't try to set me on fire!"

Yoohyun sent her a dirty look but did not try to kill her over being called cute. He could be so well behaved at times.

"I just mean, if you have a person and they literally transform into some weird ideal of masculinity but also it's a monster that eats people, that obviously says something about gender."

"But not necessarily in a trans way, right? I understand that it's an exaggeration of masculinity but that doesn't mean it's automatically about being trans, it can just be a general gender thing."

"As far as I'm concerned, all gender is trans." She threw a piece of popcorn at him just because she could. He incinerated it before it could hit his face. "You really don't want any? It's pretty good."

"That's a bold stance. And no thank you."

Yerim shrugged. "Your loss." It really was very good popcorn and she was still amazed that Yoohyun had been willing to make it for her using his abilities. He truly was just a big softy big down - given that one happened to be on his hyung's good side.

"But I mean it, gender is all just a construct with, like, expected performances and stuff, and trans people have to perform more than anyone. Also they're expected to, like, hide a lot of gendered things because they contradict how they want to be seen. Also also hiding things is deceptive and therefore monstrous. Bam."

She felt like she almost made a coherent point there, so she allowed herself a moment to be very proud.

Yoohyun's raised eyebrow accompanied the werewolf on screen ripping someone's throat out. "I'm sure Killermonster 3: Attack of the Clawful Wolf offers great insights into the plight of trans people everywhere."

"Maybe it does. What do you know about media analysis?" Yerim scoffed.

"Oh, so we're watching this for analysis? You should have said so, I could have helped with your homework."

"Excuse you! I don't need help from you of all people."

"Unlike some people, I always had excellent grades in school."

Yerim was deeply tempted to throw the entire bowl of popcorn at him.

"If you mess up the couch, hyung will be disappointed!"

She huffed. She wasn't going to do it anyway, since she was a very mature person who wouldn't act out over something so small. Obviously.

"Anyway. It's literally about people transforming, so how could there not be any trans subtext."

"Would that make Peace trans?"

Yerim couldn't give in now, her honor depended on it. "For sure." A beat. "How does all that work for him anyway?"

Yoohyun looked a little uncertain. "I think the species can change sex at will depending on what is needed."

"Wow."

He shrugged.

"I still will not be listening to your opinions, since you have clearly never thought about your gender presentation a day in your life."

"Maybe not voluntarily," Yoohyun conceded. "But when I did my pr training and styling of course they considered that."

"Wait, really?"

"What do you think they did during that? I had to try out like fifty different looks until we landed on this one." He shrugged. "All the same to me, really."

She tried to imagine Yoohyun doing a cute concept and burst out into giggles. "Would you have gone with it if they decided to out you into frilly dresses all the time though? I thought even you would have your limits."

"Why do you think I've never worn dresses before?" He sounded so genuinely confused Yerim was confused right with him.

"You have? When?!"

"Not since I was young, but it was really the same as anything else."

Yerim blinked. "I really can't imagine that."

"And here I thought you were trying to combat gender stereotypes."

"Where you're correct, you're correct I suppose." She crunched a bit more of her popcorn. "Does Yoojin know about the dress thing?"

Yoohyun looked at her like she had gone a bit insane. "Of course he does, why wouldn't he?"

"I don't know! I just didn't expect this!"

Yoohyun got a look on her face that made her want to instinctively check if her shoelaces had been tied together, even though she of wasn't wearing any shoes. Before she could figure out what the fuck that meant, Yoojin opened the door.

"Hi! Sorry it got a bit late for me, you know how the monsters are." Yerim nodded even though she wasn't entirely sure 'how the monsters are'. "Have you had anything to eat yet? I was going to make myself something, so if you want a snack..."

"That'd be great, oppa! Thank you!" Yoohyun called out.

"Of course, Yoohyun. You too, Yerim? Coming right up."

Yoojin busied himself in the kitchen and Yerim turned toward Yoohyun. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

He really had perfected the innocent look. Yerim decided not to think about this any longer. Trying to one-up the Han brothers in insanity was futile endeavor anyway.

Written for Sctir Pride Week Day 6: Werewolves/Weremonsters

[neverenoughmarauders]

Peter Pettigrew

Thinking about my writing this year, no chapter took as much out of me as writing Peter Pettigrew's POV. Everything in this chapter is based on two very similar home situations - one which I witnessed closely, and one which I read about after the child in question had grown up to become a mass murderer. The other child, my former childhood friend, is doing fine, btw (not suggesting it's a recipe for killers).

I did not want to give Peter a background that would try to excuse why he did what he did, but I wanted to give him a home situation that IF Sirius and James had paid a little closer attention, maybe they would have known more about their friend. Not necessarily: He would betray us kind of stuff, but just more about Peter, and the challenges he faced. To me, Peter and JamesANDSirius is the story of the bullies' downfall. James and Sirius were bullies and therefore attracted people who later would seek Voldemort's protection. And having Peter face some challenges they would continue to be blind to, fitted well with that.

It's the only Peter POV chapter I've written, it can certainly be read standalone and it's set as 1971 closes and 1972 begins, meaning it's a New Year's chapter, very fitting for this time of year!

It's a short chapter, I couldn't bear to make it longer, and you can find it all below the cut (or on AO3) :)

Chapter 33: The snake and the lion

There had been times at Hogwarts when Peter had really missed his mother. The trouble was that Peter still missed his mother at home. Or rather, he missed the person his mother had been before his father had passed earlier this year. Now, it felt like he lived with a stranger. Actually, it felt like he lived with two very different strangers.

There were days Peter would wake up to find that his mother had not gotten out of bed. When she eventually came downstairs, she barely spoke a word. She'd sit in an armchair and smoke muggle cigarettes the whole day. She wouldn't read, or eat, or go outside. Those days, Peter often went over to his neighbours Mr and Mrs Powell, as they always seemed pleased to have him for dinner. He'd come home and his mother wouldn't ask him where he had been or if he had eaten anything. Peter would go to bed, and leave his mother with her cigarettes in the otherwise empty living room. 

There were other days where his mother would wake him up, making him breakfast, and if he wanted to go outside, she would make him put on two scarfs and the warmest jacket she could find. This mother would worry if he wasn't back exactly at the time they had agreed, she would fuss over him at dinner, force him to eat all his vegetables and insist on hearing everything about Hogwarts, while at the same time, she would worry about whether he'd choke if he ever started speaking before he had swallowed his food.

Empty mother and worried mother. Peter tried not to be too disappointed when he woke up to find it was an 'empty mother' day. After all, while he preferred 'worried mother' because she at least seemed to care about him, neither felt like home. Neither was the mother he had grown up with. 

New Year's Eve was the closest he felt to being with his mother again. They were standing outside in the snow-filled garden, watching the fireworks.  

'Come,' his mother said smiling, lifting her wand, 'let's send up some sparks of our own. The muggles won't know the difference.'

Peter could have told her he wasn't allowed to do magic outside of school, but he was sure his mother knew that already. Instead he lifted his wand too. He was sure Sirius and James would have been able to produce stronger and brighter sparks, but he felt he was doing alright as he watched the red sparks explode out of his wand tip. They raced up to the sky next to his mother's green ones. 

'You are my little lion, aren't you?'

Peter noticed his mother looking at him intently. 

'You don't mind?' he asked. They hadn't really spoken much about his sorting.

His mother was prevented from answering as the air around them exploded from all the fireworks which lit up the sky brighter and louder than before. The clock must have struck midnight.

'Happy new year, darling,' she said, bending down and kissing his cheek.

'Happy new year, mum,' Peter whispered into her ear.

'It'll be better than the last, I promise,' his mother said, wrapping her arms around him. She was thin - too thin. 'Come, let's go inside where it's warmer.'

His mother made some hot chocolate ('one mug, and then straight to bed, understood?'), and they sat down at the kitchen table.

Peter was nervous his mother had forgotten the question - or didn't want to talk about his sorting. He wondered whether to bring it up again. Then again, this evening was going quite well, and he didn't want to push his luck. 

'Your dad would have been proud,' his mother said, breaking the silence. 

'About what?' Peter asked his mug defeatedly. 

There was truly nothing to be proud of. He was not particularly good at school, he wasn't good looking like Sirius, nor was he talented on a broom like James. And both at the top of their class too. They were effortlessly smart and funny and increasingly popular. As for Remus, he seemed to understand everything, and Peter often felt like he understood nothing. 

'Of you learning magic, of your strength to carry on despite everything, and certainly, my darling, of you being in Gryffindor.' 

Peter looked up at his mother. Her face was as gaunt as it had ever been, but her smile was warm and familiar to Peter.

'But you were in Slytherin,' he said. Slytherins and Gryffindors hated each other.

'And your dad would have been in Gryffindor, had he had magic.'

'Why did you marry a muggle?' Peter asked, realising he had never asked this before.

'Because there are many types of magic, darling.'

'Oh,' Peter said. He wasn't sure he understood what his mother meant.

'Would you have married him had he been a Gryffindor?'

His mother laughed: 'Of course I would. I understand - the house rivalry feels very strong at school - but that changes once you leave Hogwarts.'

Peter wasn't sure he believed that. He couldn't imagine Sirius or James ever befriending a Slytherin. But Peter didn't argue the point. Instead, Peter finished his chocolate and said good night. As he lay in bed, he wondered what kind of mother he would wake up to in the morning.

-

'He abandoned us, you know,' his mother said the final evening before Peter went back to Hogwarts. It was the first words she had spoken to Peter the whole day.

'Who?' Peter asked.

'Your dad.'

This confused Peter as much as it hurt him. That was a lie.

'He died. He didn't leave us.'

His mother let out a thin, humourless laugh. Peter knew she had been drinking. Drinking and smoking and not eating. 

'He could have lived.'

'The doctors did everything they could.'

'We could have gotten a healer, you know that, darling, don't you? The healers at St Mungo's would have been able to cure him, and he could have lived to see you grow up.'

His mother got up unsteadily and walked over to the kitchen, pouring herself another glass and taking a seat at the small kitchen table. 

'Sit down.'

So Peter sat down. He didn't like what was happening. Not at all.

'He could have been here, right now, instead he made the decision to abandon us.'

'The healers couldn't help him, he was a muggle. It's not allowed -'

Peter didn't like speaking up to his mother, but she was wrong. Over the last few months, he had gotten used to Sirius and James standing up to people, and the idea that he, Peter, had to do that now felt terrifying. But there was no Sirius and James. And his father didn't deserve this. His father had been brave. And good. And fair. 

'Nobody would have known,' his mother continued, and Peter wasn't even sure she'd heard him. Some job he was doing, defending his father. 'I could have brought a healer here, and nobody would have known. But no, Andrew was determined to do what was right. That's what bravery and doing the right thing does to you, darling. It gets you killed.'

Peter didn't know what to say. What he could say. What he dared to say. So he remained quiet. 

But one thing was painfully obvious. His mother did mind his sorting, after all. Peter felt his eyes burn as he tried to blink away tears.

'Hey, now,' his mother said, cupping his face. 'I am still here.'

Was she? Peter wasn't sure.

'And you, my darling son, you can be as brave as you want, as long as you remember to stay alive. Okay? Stay alive for me... and for your father. He was an idiot, but he loved you. And I love you too.'

'I love you,' Peter said, aware he was fully crying now. 

His mother swayed a little as she slid down from her chair and knelt before him. Peter threw his arms around his mother and they remained there, on the floor, hugging. He didn't agree with her, his father had been brave and had done the right thing, but it didn't matter. She was hurting, and he loved her.

[accio-victuuri]

I don’t know if this is CPN but i am interested in all the astrology stuff when it comes to zz and wyb. so I understand if some people are not into that. During the roadshow, one of the people who attended is this 陶白白Sensei blogger ( with 18 million followers ) who posts about astrology. they describe for example what a certain zodiac sign is like and so on on their blog. they were invited to the event and was even asked to speak because WYB opened about how leo(s) like being praised. This person then described what a leo is ( intense people who will do what they set their mind to and sometimes even forget to eat or sleep. they don’t care if people laugh about them ) and people noticed how yibo was nodding along.

he agrees and seems like he knows how on point the description is for him and other leo(s). the blogger seems to think so too because of what he shared on his account.

now here comes the CPN part. Back in 9/16/2021, this blogger posted a reading about leo and libra and lots of the comments are about zz and wyb.

“Today I will talk about the pair of Leo and Libra.The short time it takes for the Leo-Libra pair to fall in love, and the heat. The sweetness of love will really far exceed everyone's imagination.”

the funny thing is his response to the people’s comments:

What's going on, every time I write this series, there will be comments. Isn't this the XX and XXX? Mysterious, after all Is it xxx and xxx??? It makes me want to knock.

( knock meaning, wants to know more about this cp for themselves. XX = XZ XXX = WYB )

So here’s some excerpts from that article. Actually, this post is just an excuse to feed my leo x libra compatibility agenda too 😂😂😂

This is pretty long but i love it. Lol. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Basically, as long as you look each other in the eye, even if you have only known each other for a week, as long as the Leo takes the initiative to express good feelings, Libra will give a response, as long as there is a response to make the Leo’s confidence increase, he will work harder to create romance.

Libra likes this feeling of being surrounded by love too much, and they will not think about the past, do not think about the future, and choose to be together when the emotional atmosphere is up.

Therefore, if you can be together quickly within a month or two of being together, if you almost feel more than a few months, that is really almost meaningful, and you will quickly calm down and feel inappropriate after being together.

To put it bluntly, as long as love makes both of them unable to recover their senses, their relationship will quickly heat up and enter a long period of love.

That is, as long as one party feels that it is not what they want, the relationship will always be stuck in that place without results.

Back to what I just said, enter the long period of love.

Why is it a long love period?

The most suitable point of Libra is actually complementarity, in intimate relationships, the lion is a person with a strong desire to express, and Libra is a person with a strong ability to appease.

The lion can find its own dependence on the other party in the process of expression, and Libra can find a sense of participation in the relationship from the time it confides in the opposite direction.

These two are people who hate hypocritical socialization, and the usual group of fox friends have long had enough, but they are too bored to participate in those time-wasting activities.

Now that someone who knows that he loves himself has appeared, he is willing to go home and call the other party for 3 hours, and he is not willing to go out and waste time and energy.

This kind of love will change the lifestyle of two people, and it will really directly become the most important part of the life of two people, and even the spiritual pillar.

To put it bluntly, lions have always been such people, but many people cannot meet the lion's longing and dependence on love, resulting in the lion himself being disappointed and does not want to rely too much on feelings.

But Libra is different, Libra really likes the feeling of having a person dependent on himself, he will not be bored or slack at all. He will answer calls as late as possible, how boring things he is willing to share, and how meaningless quarrels he will answer.

In fact, it is precisely because Libra is always righteous, he will pay special attention to the words spoken by the lion, even if the lion is guilty of deliberately looking for a sense of existence, Libra will patiently play with him.

What is this called?

In Internet parlance, this makes me understand your cute love, you understand my weirdness.

Some friends may start crying when they look at it, "It was true at the beginning, but then he changed, and the relationship between the two people deteriorated, and they couldn't go back." ”

Indeed, this is also the biggest contradiction between the feelings of these two people.

The problem now is that both of them have too much hope for this relationship and too strong a vision for the future.

In fact, these two people are very contradictory, the lion is fierce, Libra is more fierce than the lion, they often get unhappy because of a sentence that does not coincide, sulking.

But the vast majority of contradictions do not break out because they are bowing their heads for love to make way for love, not for each other.

Many times, they are angry and do not say, they are afraid of affecting their feelings, and this fear must be because two people have had an earth-shattering quarrel, so that both people are afraid of this scene again.

The key to the problem is here, these two people must really quarrel for no reason, such as today I called you you perfunctory me, tomorrow I sent you a message you did not reply in time, the day after tomorrow I asked you out to eat you said you have something, the day after tomorrow I lie down very bored you go out to play.

As long as one party is out of balance, he will suddenly burst out after chewing for a few days, and then attack the other party.

The lion is a man who cannot speak, and Libra is a man who says he will fight back.

Therefore, no matter who is looking for whose trouble, it will definitely break out into a "war".

As long as one of the two people has an unbalanced mentality, this "war" will break out regularly.

It is never because of what happened, but because of grievances.Passive people are wronged, and active people are even more wronged.

Once tired of the quarrel, the two people began to recover and think about why this relationship became like this, whether the two people are compatible, and whether there is a future, and the spiritual belief brought by the relationship will also collapse.

As I said earlier, when these two people are in love, they will leave their lives behind and start a new relationship life, when they try to return to their previous life and find that it will be easier and happier.

This relationship may never go back.

Because they have given too much in their relationship, when they start to care about who is right and who is wrong, and who pays more and who pays less, they will feel that both of them are emotional "victims".

They will feel that neither of them did anything wrong, it's the fault of their relationship, they are inappropriate people and shouldn't be together...

To be honest, I can only analyze these, and I can't help anyone.

When these two people fall in love, they will protect their exclusive feelings to the utmost, and they will not listen to outsiders at all...

The biggest problem is that they imagine their relationship too beautifully, and the blow of reality will make them suspect that their relationship has deteriorated.

Normal mind is very important, don't focus on how to keep two people from quarreling, this will only make both of them feel more wronged when there is a real quarrel.

The key to success is that after the quarrel is over, whether you can make three chapters calmly, and when you find that there is a gap between two people, whether you can go out for a walk and relax, then sit down and communicate calmly, and ease the grievances in each other's hearts.

Don't think that feelings should be sacred, so avoid talking about impurities in feelings! ! !

Only by cleaning out the impurities will the relationship last and then sublimate.

Persistence and belief are very important, and maintenance and communication are more important.

MY GOD. If this piece does not describe what we have seen and speculated about ZZ and WYB then I don’t know. It’s so clear why BXGs responded to it and how “accurate” it is. 😌😌😌

CPFs are thinking about this guy who attended the show and saw WYB, did he think about that article years ago? How people reacted to the Leo x Libra pair and he got interested with ZZ and WYB?

This also reminds me of the 95% compatibility reading.

Anyway, these boys and their love is truly favored by the Universe and even if there are obstacles, I believe they will stay together <3

[yuraslefttoe]

hey tart! I finally dared to write you a question, omg. so I want to start with formalities, because I am damn delighted with every song of yours!! I swear, I am in absolute love for your work, and I am interested in everything connected with it! (and I apologize in advance for possible illiteracy, I am not a native english speaker and am only in the process of learning it *TwT*)

therefore, I would like to know more about your characters. for example, how tall are each of them? or what about their clothes? andrey’s is quite strange, is it some kind of uniform?? Same question about misha, lmao! oh, besides andrey has a scar along his eye. do you have a lore moment of how he got it???

and one last thing. I don’t run social networks as such, but I want to show you my various sketches and other little things, if you don’t mind. can I attach them to my future questions just so you can see them, okay?)

👉👈

ohh thank you so much for all the kind words :) sometimes i feel sad because people enjoy these characters so much and i do not give them any real lore but ill try to answer these questions to the best of my brain power. if you havent read the big overall summary post i did awhile ago its tagged somewhere under #adm.

i have no idea how tall they are. it is assumed andrei is noticeably shorter than misha but not too much shorter.

as far as clothes go, (this is so stupid) but they were designed by TWO different people and at the beginning i never had any intentions of using misha outside of enigma but then i started writing more song about him. misha was designed by @roseclemshipper and the general idea back then was some mash between that bitch from ungray days, ci flower, and a wolf plush from ikea (we made a mood board). andrei was designed by lon and i think i told him something along the lines of "tactical combat boyfriend" who knows. i think they are silly and clash with eachother in a good way.

idk exactly how he got the scar but id like to think it was whatever caused him to need the eye visor screen thingy in the first place

yes of course :) you can always send fanart here or you can just post stuff and tag me or use #adm i check that tag maybe once every few weeks

hope this doesnt disappoint you with the overwhelming lack of concrete lore. the story is WHATEVERRR you want it to be guys

[olderthannetfic]

One of the things I wish I could get over in exchanges is when I feel really disappointed by a fic that's fine content-wise, but the person is just such a bad writer it doesn't feel like a "gift," in the same way that someone tripping your DNW doesn't. I know sometimes that people will treat people who get something where the writing is really bad in a lazy, shitty-on-the-author's-part way (like where it's a "what is proofreading" level of SPAG mistakes, or blatant kittyfic, or something like that), but not where effort was put in but the writer's just not very good. And that it's generally considered bad form to be too upset by writing-quality in your gift. But I can't help how I feel reading that stuff, especially if I put a lot of effort into my own submission; I can't help but feel like I did something wrong in my sign-up, or make it feel like I don't want to request some of my favorite ships because they're popular and therefore have a higher likelihood of bad writers. Since you've done a lot of exchanges, I assume you've had this happen to you more than a few times, so how do you get over this?

--

To be honest... No.

In my twenty years of Yuletide, it has happened maybe once. In other exchanges, occasionally. I think it's a combination of what I request and how my letters are.

I've certainly gotten fic I didn't absolutely love, but I only rarely get fic where I think the person just isn't good at writing. I deal with it the same as I deal with a writer who's good but didn't hit my id: I read the other stuff written for the exchange.

A lot of my focus for Yuletide and other exchanges is on writing though. I love the challenge and the fun prompts. That's why I hate minimal "Write whatever inspires you" prompts. That guarantees a phoned-in 1k from me so that I can move on to creative letters with lots of detail.

[pixies-and-poets]

Expectations vs Reality with Kanya!!

Hello Rabbid warren! Here’s something I’ve been chewing over since beating The Last Spark Hunter. I wanted to talk a bit about the way some of my speculation about Kanya (heavily informed by all the mutually-discussed theories here) clashed with the reality, and the ways in which her story both disappointed me a bit but also surprised me and surpassed what I expected. And so, let’s begin!

Expectation 1: She’s Edge’s sister

The idea was that, unlike the relationship between the other Hunters, the as-yet-unnamed Mysterious Foe and Edge were directly created to be sisters, and knew each other as such. This was strongly held by a lot of people, largely based on their similarities in appearance (eyebrows, hair, being more typical rabbids than the other spark hunters) and then reinforced by some great observations and speculations that went around the fandom. I myself was like 99% certain this is where they were headed.

Reality: Well, not really

So, while Kanya was created as Edge’s replacement and therefore to directly fill her role (thus accounting for the similarities in appearance), they seem to have the same lack of familial relationship as the rest of the hunters. In fact they are probably the ones who are MOST distant to each other, since Edge didn’t even know about Kanya beforehand and they had never met.

Verdict: Kinda sad about it

It’s a bit unfair to judge the story for missed opportunities based off of something that turned out to be completely invented by us, no matter how convincing the evidence was. BUT STILL, those fan-theories really made so much sense and got me excited for a unique relationship to be portrayed. Based on their similarities, I can’t help but feel that them being perceived as sisters is something the devs at least considered, but didn’t have time or chose not to make the story about that.

I still like to headcanon that they instinctively view each other as such, or that Kanya at least has little-sibling-jealousy even if it’s entirely one-sided and Edge doesn’t consider her family. But since this has to remain firmly in the realm of headcanon, it would be technically no more problematic to ship them than shipping Edge with Midnite etc. However, because I do see them as sisters in at least a mental sense, it’s not something I will ever do.

Expectation 2: The Last Spark Hunter... was actually the FIRST Spark Hunter!!!

I remember seeing people talk about this pretty much as soon as the image of Kanya was revealed, combined with the broken statue; speculating that she was the “proto Edge” and created first, possibly first of all the Hunters. If she “backfired” in some way, or was rejected by Cursa and replaced by Edge, this would make sense why she was apparently living in some isolated spot and we never see her with the others.

Reality: Nah, The Last Spark Hunter was actually just the last spark hunter

She was the last one Cursa made, she was created after Edge left in order to replace her, if you’re reading this I’m sure you know the story.

Verdict: ....I actually like this better

So I tried not too hard to think about “Mystery Spark Hunter” story stuff before we knew the truth, but I found myself imagining she had been created first and rejected, or created to be a co-leader with Edge and they fought and Kanya was banished... basically all my theories were tending towards the idea that she had been created before or at least alongside Edge. I loved the idea of her being the older sister when she was actually the little gremlin of the two with the higher-pitched voice, lol.

But actually? Learning she was made to be a replacement hits so much harder, now that I’ve let it sink in. She was made to lead these three people who had known, and fought beside, and cared for, another person before her. She was a newcomer into their group, into EXISTENCE ITSELF, made to live up to someone she could never live up to. Given just as much free will in order to be an effective leader, but demanded and coerced and probably “encouraged” to be subservient. What a tortured (possibly literally) existence she must have lived until she managed to break away from it all.

Honestly the truth is a complete reversal from my half-imagined theories, but it makes her a far more interesting character in the end. There’s so much left unsaid, so much we don’t know, but her character is inevitably tragic in the beginning, and then gloriously free, free to be an absolutely unhinged villain with no apologies, formed by - but not dwelling on - her sad backstory. A type of character I love.

My ideal reality

So, as you can see I was disappointed that they weren’t acknowledged as sisters, but pleased with the fact she was actually the second-born, the replacement. If I could do a rewrite of the DLC, I would combine these ideas - keep her backstory the same, but have Edge come to see a reflection of herself in this newbie, and offer her a caring hand, much like she deliberately showed her old (ahem) “friend” Midnite mercy. This, of course, Kanya would reject- but there would be a direct admission that they shared a special bond, of being the same in some way- and then Kanya would leave of her own free will instead of being blasted off, swearing that they would meet again.

Instead, probably because of time/development limitations, Edge just basically... does not care at all about meeting her replacement LMAO, it’s kinda funny in its own way, she’s like “I am so done with that life.” And like yeah she hadn’t admitted her past to the others yet so I understand she had to play it cool- but ideally we’d get something a little more emotional between them, in a private moment. Or even something between them that the other heroes didn’t understand. Or y’know. Anything at all. :P

Thoughts, opinions, disagreements, anyone? :V

Also I might make a follow-up to this because I feel like I had more to say but it’s getting late; still, I wanted to type it up while it was on my mind. 

I really love my goth toothy girl no matter what

Be free and evil forever, perfect being

[dont-ask-spade-queen]

Hello everyone. Mun Haz.

I know the few people still here waiting for the next update will already be disappointed that this...wasn't, but I'm afraid it doesn't end there.

Between real life (classes, work, etc) eating into my time and energy, and the release of the rest of the actual real game of Deltarune approaching much faster than anticipated (and therefore outdating much of what I had planned), my heart just isn't into the story I had started here anymore. For everyone who was anticipating its dramatic progression and thrilling conclusion, I sincerely apologize.

With that said, there have been other projects I have grown quite attached to (largely some updated post-Ch2 stuff that has to be separate from this pre-Ch2 content), and it eats away at me to not be able to share those, for as long as the arc I had started here remains unfinished.

So for anyone who has read this far, and hasn't unfollowed me out of frustration, here are the options:

Continue to try to finish this arc before moving on to updated projects. I will still struggle to draw the pages and panels in such a way that I feel does the story justice (though if you pick this one, I would appreciate if you comment/ask whether you're fine if it looks bad/unpolished). Considering it's not what I really feel like focusing on right now, that might take a long time. A long, long time. In this option, I still will not start sharing my more spoilery post-Ch2 story/ideas until after this arc has properly ended.

I set this story to the side to finish later, while I start on my newer, updated ideas elsewhere. I might make a text post detailing what was supposed to happen had I drawn it out, but somehow I feel that's kinda cheap. I might need additional feedback on this one (if you pick this one, please comment/ask if you want me to post the intended ending, or keep it secret until I eventually get around to actually drawing it)

[nerdylittleguy]

How Knockout could be Mr Smelt, continued!

This post is a continuation of my previous post, made prior to the newest episode releases. If you haven't read the prior post, you might want to. This should go without saying, but spoilers for episodes 11-18!

No, sadly no fancy mind maps this time round :((

Time to build on my theory with info from the new episodes! Here are some notes I made while watching them about things I found relevant:

FIRST FEW WORDS OF EP11 "DECEPTICONS ARE ALL AROUND US, HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT" AND WHEWWW KO??? ROBOTS IN DISGUISE???

EPISODE 13: Focus on "the teachers" at the beginning. Is teaching much more of a key theme? TARANTULAS WANTS TO DISGUISE HIMSELF WITH A HUMAN AVATAR???!!! JACKPOT!!! THATS WHAT I SAID KO HAS DONE, SO ITS POSSIBLE??? Remote piloting... Like my original theory!! Omg!!!

Episode 14: BREAKDOWN!!!!!!! AHSHAHYSHAISBAUANSOJAIANAJDJSJSJJ EEEEEEEEEEEKK!!!! what happened to him. He's basically only relevant bc KOBD, but that race was quite the STUNT, eh? What if mr smelt heard about it? He'd have even more reason to be paranoid, especially now BB is known about, and smelt has seen the new alt mode... And a lot of that race was on TV...

Alright, notes over. Yes, they are a little inaccurate as Tarantulas does actually get his holo-form thing sorted out, I just didn't bother writing it down lmao. But I must say - the holo-form did not disappoint! It did everything that I saw some people say holo-forms shouldn't be able to do, therefore stopping Smelt from being a holo-form, but as we saw, it's all possible! Tarantulas' holo could interact with non-holographic objects, move independently from his body due to the little floaty thing, speak, just generally seemed convincing once all the issues had been ironed out.

And yes, that quote from episode 11 could have been a reference to Tarantulas, Breakdown and everyone else who shows up out of the blue, but i found it fascinating nonetheless - being one of the first pieces of information from the new episodes, it's important... Probably... And somehow.

What with episode 14, I really was hoping for any small reference to KO, but yknow it was a great episode nonetheless!! The cinematography??! So good! There's a few things I found interesting - mostly that the 'speedster' personality so often associated with tfp knockout is actually one of BD's character traits. This could imply that KO will have a different personality - as might have been hinted at through Smelt and his rule following, for example - or, if KO and BD do run into each other, they'll be a chaotic speedster duo! Both. Both is good :))

Obviously, there is also the worry that actually, BD is... Offline, as his hand was seen hanging in Mandroid's lair. Personally, I doubt such an interesting character, especially such a fan favourite, would be killed off after just one episode, but the hand was there...

Anyway, in terms of theory stuffs: In my original theory (that massive mind map), I had a list of three things I wanted to say "I called it!" if they came up, and while the first two both relied on Smelt being in the episodes, however, the last was vague and said "holograms... If anything, holograms...". While there is no way I could have predicted Tarantulas and his holo-form, as I had no idea he even existed before that (yes I am very new here!), I'll still be proud of myself for all that analysis of how holograms work in Earthspark.

Speaking of Tarantulas and holograms, as holo-forms have been introduced through him, I see Smelt potentially being a holo-form going two ways: 1) he is a holo-form! Congrats to everyone who said so :)) - more of a headcannon: potentially he knew/ knows Tarantulas and they did science together? Or maybe they were rivals? 2) seeing as Tarantulas has a holo-form, maybe whoever's in charge would be worried that having two holo-forms would be... Boring? Making KO something else, or Smelt would be just Smelt.

Now, I thought it would be more likely that Smelt would get "exposed" as being KO - as that's the assumption I'm working with here - I now think that's a little less likely, as I think KO might get frustrated of being in hiding. This is mostly based on the fact that one of people I said would be likely to expose/ recognise him might be dead or MIA (Breakdown), one is wounded and teaching his own students (Bumblebee), leaving only one potential person - Alex Malto. Actually, if KO is going to be exposed/ recognised, I think Alex is my best bet. He's also a teacher and an expert in Cybertronian history - he's perfect! He also cares about his kids very much, so if anything would be amiss in school, he'd probably deal with that because he knows the teaching system, so to speak.

The other idea - KO being tired of being in hiding - is based mostly on episodes 17/18 where, in the background of the Bot Brawls, we can see Principal Dan. You know, the head master of the school Robby and Mo go to? (I have a post about some other familiar faces in the background of those opening scenes, assuming they weren't just model reuses). Now, while KO is associated with cowardice (tfp), I don't think he'd stand idly by for too long if his boss expressed xenophobic views about KO's own people.

Actually, the idea of KO exposing himself and Alex being involved could work together - maybe Alex would be worried about something happening at the school, if Dan starts expressing xenophobic views, and goes talk to Smelt about it? Perhaps that conversation would be the 'nail in the coffin' and KO would get angry and say "hey guys!! I'm actually a transformer!!", or something like that, anyway.

In terms of what I think is likely for the final leg of season 1 (it better be soon or I'm throwing fists!! /j);

- I stick by my idea of Smelt becoming paranoid, nervous etc - I mean, imagine you're a transformer in disguise, there's been many transformers showing up near to where you're hidden (including someone who might be your boyfriend/ husband) and now your boss is being an ass. It would make anyone more nervous, especially because I'm pretty sure KO would be smart enough to make the link between the yellow sports car in the parking lot and the yellow car at the races where Breakdown appeared. - people start to get ruder to/ about transformers around each other. This may be a sort of 'things get bad before they get better' type of thing - people get more prejudiced about cybertronians, only to later be saved by them. I would not be surprised if GHOST is secretly making anti-tf propaganda. This would obviously piss off KO, making Smelt more... unpredictable? Angry (rightfully!)?

Anyway, I'm sure I've missed something I wanted to write, but I hope this was fun to read :))

Again, sorry if this doesn't read coherently, I am still tired, and I've still got multiple languages running wild inside my head (thanks, tfa blitzwing!), and I might have blurred my own line between canon and my ideas, as I've already started thinking of a sort of fanfic (I've got so much to do!! It'll just have to wait). And again, thank you to @transformers-earthspark for having a post of where to watch the new episodes! I would go insane without it /lh

[echo-of-the-eye]

I really wanna get back into the dragon prince fandom. I kinda fell off after s4. Now I don’t hate s4-6 (in fact I actually really like 6!) but I do have problems with them. Mostly s4. (Heads up there will be some criticism of s4-6 so if that upsets you feel free to not read. I haven’t kept up with the fandom but I know opinions on s4 were really split when it came out. And unfortunately I didn’t like it very much. If you did like it, good for you! That’s great! I honestly wish I could say the same)

This ended up getting really long so I’ll put it under the cut.

I think my expectations were too high. I’d waited years for s4 and the trailer looked so good and I trusted the creators so when it came out I was really disappointed. I was already having a really bad day and was emotionally drained so when I watched it and it didn’t meet my expectations I genuinely cried from disappointment. Now that was an overreaction (and I really should have waited till I felt better) and on rewatch it isn’t THAT bad, but it’s still not nearly as good as arc 1 (which I love with my whole heart).

Most of my problems are with how rayllum was handeled. I know some people liked it cause they felt it was realistic and I kinda get it. I’ve heard arguments about how it makes sense cause even though Callum is mad, he still cares about Rayla and therefore doesn’t want to hurt her, so he gives her the cold shoulder so he doesn’t end up saying something hurtful. But I disagree. Even if it is realistic, it’s not DRAMATIC and that’s more important to me. I just wish they could have had ONE big fight where Callum gets to be a bit pissed. I also wish they explained where the fuck Rayla has been and why she happened to come back just in time for the plot. She said she missed him but what made her return at that specific moment after being gone for two years? (Also curious what people who haven’t read through the moon thought. Cause they barely even explain why she was gone). After ttm I was so ready for angst, it was such a good setup and then it felt like they didn’t deliver. Especially after the creators kept promising it would get darker and more mature (and then s4 ended up being the most childish season. Seriously, what was up with those jokes they weren’t even funny)

There are things love about s4 though. The fight between Claudia and Ibis with Ezran’s speech and Aaravos possessing Callum was amazing! But the rest kind a fell flat for me.

I like 5 and 6 a LOT better but they still suffer from some of the issues from s4. If s4 was done better I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have that many problems with 5 and 6 either. I liked how rayllum got back together EXCEPT for how CALLUM was made to apologize to RAYLA!?? For how HE reacted when she came back? (An entirely reasonable reaction btw) When she never apologizes to him for leaving in the first place!

I feel like there are also some pacing issues. I’m not qualified to talk about what they did wrong or how they should have done it and I can’t quite put my finger on what’s wrong but it felt off compared to arc 1. I think it’s mostly that it wastes a lot of time on meaningless stuff that doesn’t do anything for the characters while the actual meaningful character development gets rushed and they barely linger on the emotional moments. In arc 1 it felt like every moment and line mattered. Like you couldn’t cut anything without taking away from the story cause everything added something important to the characters. But s4-6 there are many moments I could go without (and that I actively dislike), again mostly in s4). Each episode also felt way better structured in arc 1.

I know a lot of people love arc 2 and 3 and that’s good! I’m really glad you’re able to enjoy it and I’m honestly kinda jealous. I wish I could enjoy it as much as arc 1 cause this series meant so much to me! It still does and I still get exited over new seasons, but I haven’t been able to engage much with it cause my interest kinda faded when it didn’t live up to its potential. I’m looking forward to s7 and I hope it delivers cause I still love it after all. It’s one of my favorite shows of all time. I’m trying to get a bit back into it again, looking through the tag and stuff cause I want to engage with it more. Unfortunately I do not control the hyperfixation so we’ll see how it goes. Chances are it’ll come back once s7 drops (which is in one month holy shit!!!)

[thegreatimpersonator]

what i think a lot of people on this website need to remember is that a lot of us are really hurt right now. white fans call us too harsh and expecting too much and all of that but the truth is we're really hurt. this isn't some petty celebrity drama we're too online and invested in, these are our real lives. every single one of us knows plenty of mattys, white men who say horrific things about us and derive sick joy from our pain, but even moreso, plenty of taylors, white women who say they care about feminism and womens' rights but are fine throwing us under the bus when it's convenient to them. that hurts more for so many of us because it's such abject betrayal - women supporting women and all this stuff only comes back around to remind us that white women will always support terrible white men before us.

this is not new. we've been through it before and we'll go through it again. but the fact that it's happening with such high-profile people and we can't even avoid it if we want to makes it all so much worse.

there are a lot of white fans on here talking about this in abstract, saying hurtful things out of misguided love for taylor, and i wish they would take a second to remember that real people are being harmed by this kind of thing every day, and what she's doing is adding to it. this isn't petty internet drama for us. it's real life and it's painful and it's even worse to come online and read takes dismissing and invalidating our feelings because hers apparently matter more.

Yes!!!! So beautifully said and no point was missed so I’ll just reiterate.

This is not about ✨who Taylor’s dating✨ or whether or not we like her new boyfriend. This is about her associating with an actively racist, antisemitic, homophobic, sexist, ableist person. Her association with him means those things are not big deals to her, that hurting those communities is not a dealbreaker- therefore she does not care about those communities or the people in them.

However, she had fans in these communities who just came to the realization that someone they loved and admired does not respect them and is with someone who thinks their existence is up to mocking and disrespecting. This is unimaginable and so painful for them to deal with so by dismissing and belittling their feelings by saying ‘it’s not that big of a deal’, ‘move on’, etc. you are also saying them being mocked and disrespected is not a dealbreaker for you, and that means you are a part of the problem.

My heart goes out to you and others that are being affected by all of this. From the disappointment in Taylor to the fact your being treated so inhumanly by swifties online who think a pop star they don’t know is more important than your feelings or experiences. I can’t even imagine how deeply this hurts and I can only be here to listen, help, and provide a safe space. Others should be doing the same.

[justsomeoneunordinary]

hi May! i really love all the hashitobi fanart you've been reblogging recently! it made me fall in love with that pairing too :)

can i ask what your favourite headcanons for the two of them together are?

you know, this is REALLY not the kind of reaction i thought i'd get once the hashitobi posts come out of the queue 🤣 i mean, i have always been very clear about not tolerating any anti nonsense, but that hasn't stopped any antis from my inbox before. (although, if i STILL have any antis following me after everything, they're probably glad i accidentally shuffled my queue, otherwise all those hashitobi pieces would've come out one after another for a full day at least lol) therefore, your reaction is an absolute delight!!! you're a gem, thank you ♥️

that being said, i'm sorry to disappoint you, but i don't really have any headcanons for them 😅 i only got into them because i was running out of hashirama & tobirama fics to read and went, OKAY well *throws hands up* i GUESS, now i'll have to read incest if i want more of them!!! my interest for hashitobi is more out of necessity because there's not enough gen sibling stuff for them, and while romance changes the very dynamic i'm interested in for them, it's the only alternative i have

(although, i will admit that they're aesthetically a VERY pleasing pair, and i am absolutely an aesthetic shipper (folks who know me from my marvel days may remember me mentioning how i never ship two blond people together because they look the same to me - i still stand by that), and hashitobi not only look so widely different, but also have such very opposing personalities (AND abilities - one creates life, the other plays with death), which makes for a very crunchy dynamic. it's tasty.)

so no, no headcanons but i enjoy their dynamic similarly to how i enjoy my senju bros fics as well - extremely co-dependent (they're each other's last brother and they'd do everything for the other one and to ensure the other one survives) but now 10x more intense if you add romance and sex to it

tender as FUCK - they may be battle-hardened shinobi but they can treat each other no other way but with care and love. (which is funny coming from a dark enjoyer like me but idk, when it comes to these two, i just need them to be SOFT. probably because canon doesn't show them soft with each other so i need it in fanon damnit.) including lots of touching, especially from hashirama's side, while tobirama is more subtle - a litte squeeze of hashi's shoulder here, a little brush of hashi's hair there...

possessive and jealous and over-protective both of them!! hashi plants his mokuton seeds in tobirama to always be able to track him without telling him (not that he needs to; tobirama is a sensor) (it makes for a nice sliiightly dark but not all too dark hashi too), whereas tobirama tries to set everyone on fire with his look alone when someone even dares to look at hashirama for too long, especially one uchiha fucking madara. (let's be real: tobirama seemed already jealous of madara in canon - if you add romantic hashitobi to the mix, that's gonna be even stronger and worse)

i have no problem with adding mito to the mix!!! my gal marries one guy and by marrying him she gets another one as a bonus? my god, good for her, very good for her. she would take care of her boys so good 💖 (i definitely meant that in a dirty way). (on that note, i absolutely do NOT enjoy fics in which hashirama cheats on mito with tobirama (or literally anyone else for that matter), i love hashimito and just mito herself way too much. cheating hashirama does not spark joy. either she's never been part of the equation, to begin with, or she's an active part - there's no in-between for me)

honestly, i just want them soft and loving and caring with just a tad bit of unhinged behavior, and adding incest to the mix makes it simply more intense and spicier too 🤷‍♀️