#and there are so many ppl like me and all we want to do is write and just!!!!

[luxiomahariel]

Hi um. First of all, just wanted to say that I really like your posts and what you've been doing for the transmasc people in this terrible fucking time. Second, and sorry and feel free to ignore me, I just saw that ppl can vent in your asks and I'd like to do that if you don't mind. Sorry if you do. Also, you don't have to answer anything, but if you want to, sure.

Um, TWs for suicide thoughts, self hatred and a lot of transphobia?

You see, I'm just Russian and several years ago, just after I turned 18, our government basically just banned all transition for everyone including adults. Completely. Funny enough they passed this law while I was taking my final exams for graduating school, so. These exams were very fun while I was considering killing myself. I did pretty good, though!

Also we literally have a law that states that talking about LGBTQ+ people is propaganda and being LGBTQ+ is being an extremist (a terrorist, basically). You can be in jail for that!

Anyway, my life is shit. I'm extremely dysphoric, I'm closeted pretty much everywhere and when I do come out, most of the times it's useless, because who the fuck cares about other people's pronouns, right? My family is extremely transphobic and I'm forced to live with them because I don't have the money and opportunity to move anywhere. They won't ever accept me as a son and I'm just so tired of being misgendered and deadnamed every day.

I hate my body, my voice, my personality, everything. I genuinely hate the person I'm becoming. I'm bitter, I'm miserable, I'm hateful and envious, I'm terrible to be around, and I'm so sad it's unbearable. I genuinely don't think I've ever had a good day since I was a kid and even then I'm not sure because I don't remember my childhood.

I barely, if ever, pass. I can't even wear a binder because of my fuckass family (and I already have bad ribs). I can't transition. I'm fucking 20, ffs. I lost so much time that I'll never get back. I got so many traumas that I'll never properly heal. There are things I've already completely lost by going though this fucking puberty. And I see all these people who have supportive families and got to transition young and have queer communities and queer friends and I feel so much envy. They're living in better countries and I don't think I'll ever leave this hell of a country where I was born. I'm stuck. I'll die here, never having experienced happiness.

I genuinely am a terrible fucking person, and I can't even try to be better, because I spend all my energy on not killing myself and being somewhat functional. Well, I'm not, like, actively horrible to other people, I genuinely try to be nice to everyone, even this one fuckass girl who can't seem to memorise 6 letters of my chosen name that I fucking introduced myself as and seems to think that if she stops using my deadname it will kill her. I'm even nice to HER. But I feel so much guilt for being this way, because I know just how spiteful and angry I am on the inside. I look at older women and I'm so afraid I'm going to grow up and look that way. I look at men and it's killing me that I'll never look like that. I'll never be loved.

I also guess most people also feel that I'm somewhat queer, and fuck, do they fucking hate me for it. I genuinely am barely treated like a human being by some professors (a few, not a lot, but fucking still).

So, I go through all that every fucking day, and then I get on tumblr, and then I see all these fucking people talking about how the moment someone identifies as a trans man, they gain ALLLL the male privilege in the world and also immediately become guilty of all misogyny and transmisogyny in the world and also they pass perfectly and nobody is ever shitty to them. Yeah. Because that's how it happens. Great job, guys. But transandrophobia isn't real, because...um... Men = privileged!☝️🏻 Transandrophobes are a fucking joke.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading that, if you did. Sorry for my English, as I said, I'm Russian. And sorry again if you don't accept people venting to you, I just had nowhere to go. I do feel a bit better having written all that.

.

[cicerfics]

#and also yeah lol... like. book Bond was never stated or even implied to be from wealth..#so the assumption that ppl assume he was but isn't is like. not correct lol#for Craig Bond I do think either his family had money and he didn't have access to it#or like. tbh when his father died that was probs the main income they were living off of#having the ancestral land & manor doesn't necessarily mean there's money in it. quite the opposite rly#the estate doesn't make enough money to sustain itself I don't believe#given they had to sell most of the stuff#but yea I think it's like typical thing of. the Bond name may have some history and such attached to it. but no massive fortunes imo#it's funny to me when ppl r like well skyfall contradicts CR cuz he has that estate#well like. first off we don't know that Vesper is correct- her assessment reveals her character but maybe not necessarily Bond's#and also. did we not all see Corpse Bride. or like the fate of many American socialites in the Gilded Age#where they had money but not prestige and the aristocracy had prestige but not money#etc etc (@halfbaked00q)

Oh, okay, wait!! I have more thoughts!!

Yes, very true re: the nobility-marries-money/dollar princess thing! Very possibly Craig!Bond's family had been major landowners/rich people at one time, but the money had ebbed away thorough the 20th century and by the time Bond was born, his family just had the house and whatever his parents earned at their jobs. Possibly they had posh manners/education/connections, but not really the wealth to back it up. Many such cases, etc etc.

(I do think, however, that they were selling off stuff in Skyfall simply because the last remaining family member had appearently died and there was no one left to inherit, so they were just clearing the house of all the furniture and whatnot in order to sell off the property.)

Okay! So! I forgot about a part from On Her Majesty's Secret Service which also provides valuable insight into book!Bond's relationship with money!

Quick recap for those who haven't read it: Bond has fallen in love with Tracy and is going to marry her. Tracy's dad is a rich mafioso type of guy, and he wants to load her down with a massive dowry. Bond specifically refuses this money! He specifically says he does not want to be rich. He says he can support Tracy himself and he is strongly opposed to the idea of his and Tracy's children having fat trust funds!

This is fascinating, no???

"Too much money is the worst curse you can lay on anyone's head. I have enough."

"It will be fun saving up to buy something we want but can't quite afford. That is the only kind of money to have--not quite enough."

"If we have children, I will not have this noose hung round their heads. I didn't have any money and I haven't needed it."

"If I'd inherited money, I'd have gone the way of all those playboy friends of Tracy's you complained about so much."

All this seems to indicate that Bond absolutely did not grow up with any money to speak of, and that he sees people who do come from money as inclined to be frivolous and irresponsible...frankly, like Tracy and her first husband and her old friends, when they were young and reckless and getting into trouble because they had too much money at their disposal.

Fascinating!!!

.... 'ang on, now

On these things he spent all his money and it was his ambition to have as little as possible in his banking account when he was killed, as, when he was depressed, he knew he would be, before the statutory age of forty-five. Eight years to go before he was automatically taken off the 00 list and given a staff job at Headquarters. At least eight tough assignments. Probably sixteen. Perhaps twenty-four. Too many.

"too many." "too many"?? Ooouuuggh, James Bond hates his job NOT an exclusively Craig!Bond thing, it literallyyy comes from Fleming Moonraker?? Book 3??

Like, not surprising to me that Bond is depressed/has depression moments - Fleming writes out Bond's penchant for catastrophizing in the last book - but ough that Fleming literally spells it right, right there. "when he was killed, as he KNEW he would be, before the statutory age of 45."

and then continuing the thing about how there are rly only 2 or 3 missions a year that call for his abilities. the grim, "at least 8. probably 16. perhaps 24. too many."

He, like Loelia Ponsonby, is trapped within the "perpetual concubinage to your King and Country" and, along with Loelia Ponsonby and the other girls, has been locked in his own version of a Cavell-Nightingale world "more securely into the company of the other girls at Headquarters and every day it seemed more difficult to betray by resignation the father-figure which The Service had become."

Unlike Loelia, who actually does think about but dismisses the idea of resigning, Bond doesn't even THINK of it. He just assumes it's inevitable that he will keep running on the job until his time runs out, one of the ways or the other.

like. dang, okayyy. and also. bruh appeals to patriotism whomst?? only if u can't read, perhaps?? lmao

(from Moonraker)

[faaun]

last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.

[pronouncingitwang]

adam scott says in the "inside the episode" of 2.07 that it allows the audience to "see the magic of gemma and why she immediately took over [mark's] life and his heart" and dichen lachman describes the ep in the severance podcast as "the audience getting to know [gemma] and everyone seeing what mark had that he lost." well, what about gemma? how much do we really get to know her? what did she lose? why did mark take over her heart?

they had 50 minutes for a Gemma Episode and they spent half of it on dead wife tropes and her smiling at mark with come-hither eyes while not giving us a single new fact* about her or a relationship outside of mark and mark's family. a subversion of the dead wife trope is not just scenes later showing they had an imperfect marriage bc mark (or nobody) is the problem in all of those scenes; you need to disrupt the idea that she was the perfect wife, and i don't think we get that. so much of it is explicitly presented through mark's pov. she doesn't hurt him at any point. she's just there being lovely or victimized as he loves or neglects her. everything we learned about her past gives more depth to his current grief but contributes little to our understanding of her current suffering or motivations. that could change with time, but for a first try, i think it's an abysmally bad showing

* that wasn't in mark's 1.07 monologue, his conversations with devon and alexa, or the the you you are pdf, all of which i think did a better job than this episode

[welcometogrouchland]

Noticing that TV and film will often have a character either have had an abortion in the past that isn't showcased on screen (and just used as part of the character's ~fucked up and twisted backstory~) OR contemplate getting an abortion in the present day but not to through with it. Just once I want to see someone delete that fetus within the events of the plot and not be like. Extremely majorly punished for it and/or be in the wrong

[skrunksthatwunk]

did my first ever used car browsing online and there's a car that's like really good on basically every aspect but the color is fucking NASTY. but ive been evolving a bit around it. and so now im like thinking "okay the bit's funny now but would it be funny in like seven years" kinda stuff

[beclight]

im known for being THE bec light fan of the fandom, so i feel like im in the right place to say this: YOU DO NOT OWN FANDOM CHARACTERS AND CANNOT PREVENT OTHER PEOPLE FROM LIKING THEM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO, and if that makes you uncomfortable (which is fine, and for any reason), THE THING TO DO IS BLOCK NOT HARASS THEM!!!!!!! ive seen too many ppl in this fandom disrespect others over DARING to say, even as a joke, that they're the number one fan of X character. If someone having the same favorite group of pixels as you genuinely angers you, to the point of feeling the need to insult them and having concerning thoughts about them, then maybe it is time to log off

[satoruxx]

someone remind me to stop going on twt because for the last 3 days i’ve opened the app and ended up being in a horrible mood for the rest of the day ..

[littlemeanings]

I really do not blame students for using AI within a capitalist education system that prioritizes efficiency, productivity, and short term memorization of profitable skills over genuine critical engagement. some skills are obviously crucial (i.e., writing for building critical thinking) but can and are still being built with minor adjustments like proctoring. the research shows cheating rates have not changed and have remained high since AI has become available. with the students that do cheat, it's due to deeper systemic issues. many high school and college students are working multiple jobs, caretaking for family members, have health issues, etc. and they will use whatever is available to give themselves some relief.

I get complaining about AI in passing. like I love to hate on it. but most people aren't really offering real ways to protest it other than just telling individuals they are evil for using it... which in any other area of politics we would think flawed and inadequate (re veganism, eco friendly lifestyle changes, etc).

sooo many AI-critical takes are liberal/idealist/individualist and not materialist. once again, we see individuals blamed for the profit-maximizing decisions of corporations (who are the ones responsible for the most harmful aspects of Al). instead of viewing the problems of AI as a symptom of structural issues requiring collective action, they would rather frame it as a personal character flaw of workers and students. and this individualizing of political issues closes off potential for a deeper critique, coalition building, and more opportunities for action. it's a way to both feel superior to other people and subscribe to inaction.

AI does not defy the capitalist historical pattern of labor-saving technology creation, monopolization, dependency enforcement, and exploitation. new technology increases productivity/profit expectations. these increased productivity expectations translate into pedagogy that also expects increased productivity. medical schools actively encourage regular AI use because they know doctors will now be expected to be faster and see more patients because of it - despite the fact most AI tools are not accurate enough to trust for medical information. however, this does not matter in the real capitalist world. what matters is how many patients you can see and how much money you can make for the shareholders and insurance companies.

just like all new labor-saving technology, AI decreases the bargaining power of workers and heightens capitalist contradictions: if you cant stay competitive and keep up with the pace as a worker you risk your job and livelihood.

I am not advocating for doctors, students, and other workers to continue uncritically using AI, but to understand their part in the class war and act accordingly. under capitalism, all productivity gains from new technology will always go straight to the company owners, who would rather expect double/triple the productivity of workers rather than give the time saved back to workers or god forbid give the workers ownership over the new technology.

AI will not save us from capitalism - capitalism develops the productive forces for its replacement. we must radically organize and self-educate. activism isn't about being perfect but doing the best you can consistently without burning yourself out and this will look different for everyone.

[clumsypuppy]

i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

[luniviravosshipper]

Man things have been depressing in my personal life lately

Idk why I had to fall for the most fucked over by the narrative characters ever that I’m completely unable to take comfort in when I need a form of escapism the most

[jamiethebee]

You know what irks me the most about the mha ending. (Sorry I'm still on it.)

Like the early parts of the manga, there were so many grown up hero AUs in fandom (like storylines that took place when they're adults and heroes) and they're fun! A little silly!

And then we had the war arc and cities are being destroyed and everything's torn up and for over a hundred chapters, it's been oh huh I guess every AU like that will just be canon divergence lmao

And then Horikoshi basically wipes the slate clean so I guess all those AUs could technically canon compliant. There's not even much in the way of lasting physical damage! Because it's dealt with???? Immediately???? Within months?????

Which is fine! Nothing wrong with it! The AUs are fun! But, it just irks me that you could throw out half the manga because it didn't matter. Nothing majorly changed. Silly adult hero AUs for everyone I guess because the League may as well have been 2 bit villains for all the effect they had at large was. Idk. Maybe I'm bitter? Maybe my brain still trying to process the ending and the change in how AUs relate to canon? I guess - what was all the constant sprinkling in of "society has let people down" that we see from chapter 1? It meant nothing? I guess????? I mean A WAR HAPPENED. But whatever I guess heehee wasn't that soooooo silly???? That people's take on early story can be the same as post story?????

[march32nd]

me when the girl i've been dating for two months tells me that she doesn't find me at all attractive and isn't attracted to me and doesn't know if she ever will be !!!!!

[bunnyboy-juice]

OH MY GDD I FORGOT TO TELL YALL MY WIFE CAME HOME YESTERDAY AND JUST. WOOP. PICKED ME UP LIKE NOTHING. AND THEN DID IT AGAIN LIKE 20 MINUTES LATER AGAIN LIKE NOTHING.

[bell-swamp-fitzjames]

mcdonald goodsir talking scene but its like an hour bc i just would like to see them talk more

[the-somwthing]

Welcome to my little meta analysis essay called

Why do we misremember Flower Husbands as being “nicer” than it was?

Disclaimer: I’m not here to talk about whether or not FH is “toxic” or anything like that. It’s just a fact that many old fans rewatching FH POV and new fans who are watching it for the first time after seeing fan content tend to be surprised at how they actually behaved in the series compared to how everyone remembered them being back in the day. This will NOT go over whether or not I think FH is unhealthy or whatever and instead just discuss why I believe this phenomenon has happened.

So, if I try to make this a fancy well written essay, I’ll be here all day, so I’ll just get to the point. 3rd Life came out during the DSMP era of mcyt. MCRP has been around for ages, but the DSMP style of RP (which I’ll be calling “smp rp”) was pretty much popularized by DSMP, mostly towards the end of 2020. For reference, 3rd Life started early 2021, so there’s about a half a year between these two events, and DSMP kept going for years so 3rd Life was absolutely happening during the golden era of DSMP.

But what does DSMP have to do with this? Well, it sort of created this idea of “lore” and only specific things being “canon”. You can make fun of me for the way I worded that, but you know what I mean, DSMP was weird about that stuff. I don’t really blame them as it was kind of a new style of RP they accidentally spawned, but still, it was a confusing time for SMPs.

3rd Life was actually less like DSMP and more like the modern SMP RPs, where there’s no (known, lol) scripted events and the fandom itself deciphers what is or isn’t “canon” rather than it being told to them, with mostly everything being considered canon. HOWEVER, I do believe that DSMP’s style did still affect the fandom, specifically with the topic of this essay, Flower Husbands.

But why would it only really affect Flower Husbands? Now we get into a rough topic: shipping discourse. Back in those days, shipping in the mcyt fandom was heavily frowned upon. Moreso than it is today (I know it’s still around, but it was a lot worse the earlier we go lol). I’ve even seen old relics of ppl saying flower husbands should only be portrayed as platonic cuz it’s wrong to ship them, despite their team name literally being husbands. But more importantly, for A LOT of people, flower husbands was the One Ship people felt “allowed” to ship, BECAUSE it was canon. So they would allow FH and shun every other ship.

My point isn’t actually that, with it being the only “acceptable” ship everyone tried to make it more wholesome, though I suppose that could be a contributor. But my ACTUAL point is where all the things I laid out finally close in on each other:

Ships were a Dangerous territory in mcyt fandom, and ships being “canon” was something a lot of people weren’t prepared to deal with. People don’t want to get too close to RPF territory, but back in the day their ideas of c! vs cc! wasn’t as great, so they default to the DSMP Rule of “if it’s stated to be roleplay, then it’s canon to the characters, if not, it’s noncanon and just the CCs hanging out”.

You see where I’m going with this? When trying to follow this rule for a character relationship where they don’t explicitly state what is or isn’t RP, they hear “we’re married” and instantly mark that as canon to the characters since it clearly isn’t true to the CCs, and tend to block out anything else, otherwise you’re risking it not actually being true to the characters. Especially when it’s things like Scott saying something mean about Jimmy; that directly contradicts the “these characters are in love” thing, so it must not be canon, right?

But wouldn’t people still remember that these things happened, or did they actually straight up not process any of it? My answer to that is: of course everyone was paying attention, but with the context that it’s the CCs playing a video game, all of the teasing and other behavior seems WAY less serious. It just looks like average friends playing a hunger games smp together. And as I explained earlier, the fandom was ONLY processing this as a CC thing, so Scott’s treatment of Jimmy never stood out because that’s just how it is playing games.

Back to DSMP, I’m not active in that fandom anymore but I’ll see snippets sometimes, and I’ve seen the claim that beeduo was actually boring in canon and the fandom was the one that made it interesting. I feel like this is exactly what happened with FH. Nobody was actually expecting anyone to go hard into romantic roleplay, so the fans just take whichever pair says they’re getting married and fill in the blanks themselves. And that was normal back then, it wasn’t fans making stuff up for no reason, it was kind of expected of us.

So yeah, I personally believe that this whole confusion about FH is a result of its time. Whether you want to finally look at the actual substance of the relationship rather than following weird rules about what is or isn’t “canon”, or you believe that since FH was from a time where romantic RP was confusing and weird it would make the most sense to take into account the time period it came from and ignore the less appealing bits in favor of the fanon, I don’t really care honestly. But man isn’t this an interesting situation.