#and then you'll be terminated if this happens again and i was like haha makes sense (~:

[yutadori]

hiding in the restroom at work again ^__^

[shwarmii]

hi, i'm @/shwarmi, and tumblr tERMINATED MY BLOG (AND ALL MY SIDE-BLOGS WITHOUT WARNING ME) and i messaged them to get it back but idk when theyll get back to me, so here i am in the meantime, hello, i guess this is my back-up account now, yes, my url is a pun on Roman numerals, anyway, sure do fucking hope i gET MY BLOG BACK JFC

edit: i've been filling out a ticket form about Account Termination once a day (here's the link to it if you ever need help finding it for yourself in the future; please don't try to help me via spamming the ticket form or anything, they explicitly ask to not involve other people uninvolved in your account AND i feel bad enough doing spam once a day already; but, anyway, yes, i recommend doing what i did and having bookmarked the aforementioned link and just copy&paste my form answers into the ticket from a seperate document, like from Google Drive or something, so you don't have to retype it everytime), and i have recieved no reply nor even a confirmation e-mail. hence the lack of updates on how my account is doing. there's no other way to contact staff, except maybe via Twitter, as their support e-mail is no longer accepting messages (hopefully bc of the following they will be in contact with you sooner than they have been with me, bc i didnt know this following tip this past week i've been filling out that ticket and noW YOU DO, you lucky bastard. do what i did with a seperate document to prep in case this is a multi-day process, but hopefully you'll get farther in less time than i have bc jfc i wasn't even getting a confirmation e-mail beforehand big McYikes)

BUT!!1! a friend of mine who was terminated last year said to attach my un-terminated e-mail's account (aka the e-mail i am using right here for @/shwarmii, and not for the terminated @/shwarmi like i had been doing liKE A DUMMY APPARENTLY) to the ticket's general "Put your e-mail here" slot and to explain within "The more details, the better" part your original e-mail attached to the terminated account in addition to the rest of your explanation. and i finally got a confirmation e-mail that my ticket has been recieved! yes, it was just an automated response but yay! finally!! progress!!1! i at least got a fUCKING CONFIRMATION E-MAIL, HAHA, VICTORY!

god i fucking wish i knew about the "just dont use your e-mail linked to your terminated account" tip a week ago jfc on a hot dog stick, my guys, finally, a confirmation e-mail, gahhh

since i now have a confirmation e-mail, i will wait five buisness days (so today is the 8th and a Monday, therefore, i'll wait until Saturday which is the 12th except i said "business days" ergoooo Monday the 14th) to e-mail them again. i hate waiting tho ughhh like, fine, i'll do what i gotta do but also ugghhhhh

↳ additional note: this update/edit was made on 8 August 2023. @/shwarmi has been terminated since 31 July 2023 (or 30 July 2023, and i just was too exhausted to make the account/post until the 31st. i forget. i was in the middle of moving and im disabled, so i was over-exerting myself big-time. i had processed that my account had been terminated at the time and just responded by taking a nap lmao rip but yeah, therefore, it's all been a blur)

NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. COOL. (Narrator: It was not, in fact, "cool".) I WAITED AS PLANNED (this update is being written on 14 August 2023) AND STILL NO FOLLOW-UP TO MY CONFIRMATION TICKET. HATE THAT FOR ME.

instead of sending in a new ticket as i originally planned, i replied to their confirmation email since it said i could do that (for permalinks or whatever) so that they will HOPEFULLY get back to me without me having to be a pest about their automated systems, ugh.. (i have cropped out my email and the Ticket Number(? i assume that's what that string if letters and numbers are anyway) for privacy reasons, but here is what the confirmation e-mail looks like and how i replied. i am including this mostly to help out anyone who may be terminated in the future have an idea of what to expect and an expectation of "OH, okay, so i can reply to THIS email-address, got it" kind of nonsense or whatever. why not lmao)

i will wait another five buisness days, so that'll be on the 21st of August 2023. hopefully, i will update with good news before then (aka: they'll haVE REPLIED MAYBE PLS PLS PLS) but i guess i will have to be annoying if not

it is the 20th (so they have one more day before i have to be annoying anD I DONT WANNA BE.. pls send me ideas of how to be annoying that doesnt include the Hateful Xitter pls, my only idea is to DM them there and i dON'T WANNA) and even my gmail thinks the lack of response is fucked up lmao rip

having a Bad Brain Day streak rn due to my (abusive) dad's failing health and unpacking and all this other shit i have to do post-moving like switching my insurance and renewing my liscence and fuck all, so bothering tumblr about not replying to me is gonna take a bit more of a backseat for a minute, hold on

it.. is now August 30. brain still in gutter, but i forced myself to make a xitter/twitter (don't follow, ill delete the account after they help me or not). and it wouldnt let me dm, so i had to just @ them and post. brain so sad that i cannot even be amused rn that @/shwarmi on there was taken by a shwarma restaurant. @/tumblrsupport's Replies tab shows signs of helping people as recently as 2 hrs ago, but idk if there's another queue here. i guess we'll find out?? i just want my accounts with all their posts and shit back pls, this has taken so long to try to do 💔

edit: if you're curious, it is 3 Sept 2023 and i am still waiting (it looks like they are looking at people who @'ed them on Sept 1 rn and iM LIKE "PLSSSS, I @'ED YOU ON THE 30TH OF AUGUST PLSSSSSSS", gonna give them until the 5th before i tweet again i guess 🥺)

i am not god's strongest soldier. i continue to cry out for help, alas, i have yet to receive an answer

it does not help that the twitter account sometimes says to people: "What is your Tumblr URL? We can check and see if there was a glitch of some sort. But be advised that if it is a TOS violation situation or a bigger tech issue, we cannot assist/reply on Twitter" so that doesnt make me panic aT ALL that maybe i broke TOS without any form of a warning or knowledge that i wasnt following tumblr's terms of services regarding things like nsfw and whatnot (narrator: they were panicking)

i hate it here. staff should at least be able to tell me (via email, if not twitter) that i wont be getting my account back or whatever else instead of just saying NOTHING??????

going to do all this again (tweet support, make a whole new ticket (i still have the info saved thankfully), reply to my old email confirmation) on September 27th (an arbitrary date based on I Have A Lot Going On Rn) if they continue to not reply. if i hit the 30 images limit, guess ill be reblogging and adding even MORE to this thread jfc juST TALK TO MEE!!!1!

[hel7l7]

hello! could you recommend me books that explore teenage mental health issues?

Dear anon,

Yes ofcourse! I love this question. I actually did my school project on YA books about mental health so, yessss.

Aside from the mental health issues these books often also deal with other subjects, it's not like it's only mental health focussed, but I felt like since the question was specific about that I would put the specific subjects surrounding mental health under the titles rather than the whole explanation of the story. Let's see

Well one of my personal favourites: History is all you left me - Adam Silvera [ grief, ocd, lgbtq+ ] I really love this book! It deals with big topics but in a way that makes it easy to read.

Girl in Pieces - Kathleen Glasgow [ self harm, trauma, addiction ]

Turtles all the way down - John Green [ ocd, anxiety ] Optimists die first - Susin Nielsen [ ocd, anxiety ] Not Otherwise specified - Hannah Moskowitz [ eating disorders ] But like, not in the "classic" way. Otherwise I would not recommend it. Sinner - Maggie Stiefvater [ addiction ] -Ish, it's not really the regular addiction story since it's fantasy. But I do love this book a lot! It is part of a series, but you could also read it as standalone I guess? Last night I sang to the monster - Benjamin Alire Sáenz [ addiction ] I gave this one only two stars on goodreads but idk...? Paperweight - Meg Haston [ Eating disorders, trauma, grief ] Made you up - Francesca Zappia [ Schizophrenia ]

The foxhole court - Nora Sakavic (all for the game series) [ trauma, abuse, self harm, addiction, LGBTQ+ ] It is in some way with some mental health shit. But while it's at the same time a fun series it's also like really fucked up. And sometimes too explicit to my taste. ( here's a list of the trigger warnings for the first book, and you'll get the idea. ) Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo [ addiction, trauma, LGBTQ+ ] THIS TRILOGY IS SO GOOD THAT I WISH I COULD EXPERIENCE THE FIRST TIME READING IT AGAIN. It's also fantasy and I sort of hate fantasy but this was good! (more specific trigger warnings)

The art of feeling - Laura Tims [ chronic pain (not a mental health issue but has an impact on that), depression, trauma ] I think I cried while reading this one. Which is rare!

(My goodreads says it was cliche but that I had to keep reading once I got into it. Which happens to me a lot.) Invincible - Amy Reed [ terminal illness, addiction ] I see a lot of people on goodreads HATING this book because of how the characters behave which I find interesting because I found it just so interesting how the people behaved and why. My psychology loving brain went wild on this one. And it hit close to home, so maybe I was biased. It has been a while since I read this but I gave it 5 stars on goodreads. (also it has a second book which I found out way too late after reading it.)

Well this are a few of the books I've read that I feel like are worth recommending. I hope it helps you a bit!

Note: I read some of these books like years ago and my memory is shit when it comes to remembering book details, so I am sorry if there's horrible shit in here. Also I am a sucker for angsty books that hurt. Which may be good to keep in mind as well haha.

[failing-to-write-again]

Germany x Ireland!Reader: Snow Storms and Confessions

Ok so the plan was to post another scenario and write two more yesterday. But Tumblr did an oopsie and deleted everything.

Every cloud has a silver lining however, my friend sent me this gem of a find and all I could think about afterwards was this story. I was going to write them as scenarios but I found it difficult to imagine situations for the other characters.

So here's a different story. A one shot...goody.

---------------------------------------------------

*Ireland's POV*

I sat there cold and alone in the Russian airport terminal. My flight cancelled due to the violent snow storm outside and no hotel room to go to. All the other countries had already left, the usual flights to Ireland weren't available. Just one at 10pm when a blizzard was due. Russia didn't exactly give a direct response when I brought it up...

*flash back*

"Little Ireland! You are feisty small one, you're lack of fear is amusing."

"I'm not being feisty I just want to know why there's none of the usual planes to my country. I don't want to end up caught in the blizzard"

"Она умнее, чем выглядит...I don't involve myself petty plane issues. Perhaps this is fate, you believe in a lot of those magical fairy tales no?"

she's smarter then she looks

"Она также говорит по-русски. Что ты прячешь?"

she also speaks Russian. What are you hiding?

*flash forward to present*

Just before I could pry, Germany got the meeting started and I was left to get to my seat and ponder over Russia's behaviour. He's a strange study for sure.

Germany was as well. We became properly acquainted in the early 1900s only labelling ourselves as friends around the 70s when I joined the early version of the EU (then EEC). He definitely is a layered character, and even though he is sweet once I became closer with him, he seems to still be hiding aspects of his personality. But enough about that I'm cold and have to figure out where I'll sleep tonight.

"Ireland? Vhat are jou doing here?"

Speak of the devil and he shall arrive...

"Hey Germy, my flight got cancelled and it was the only one available, my hotel booking also ran out so I'm just sorta stuck here haha."

A rather enjoyable shade of red spread across his face at the mention of the nickname. I'd do anything to see those little cracks in his tightly woven character. Anything to see the little smiles or chuckles, the crush I'd developed over years of friendship pushing me to.

"V...Vell mein flight vas cancelled as vell...vould you like to share a hotel room vith me? I still have an extra day."

Panic.

"I wouldn't be against it, but you probably would like to not share a room so I understand if you don't want to and everything. Thanks for the offer though"

"Nein it's fine I don't mind ve're friends ja? It's ok!"

The air is so fucking uncomfortable. Big brother France is looking on in disappointed from Paris. I just know it. After a few more rounds of pitiful back and forth we agreed we both were ok with sharing a room and set off, chittering throughout the walk.

*[insert timeskip joke] Germany's POV*

Ireland was in the bathroom getting ready for bed as I sat mentally preparing to sleep beside her.

At some point my feelings of friendship began to be replaced with... love as Italy put it. I thought I was ill whenever my heart would flutter like a manly butterfly near her. After voicing my concerns to my brother and Italy, bruder proceeded to have a laughing fit. Italy took the time to gush about love long enough for me to come to the conclusion I was in it.

Ireland. She's not perfect by any means and we've had our fair share of arguments and disagreements. Though we always manage to work then out. Would it be the same if we were dating? I would be living in a dream if that was true...

The door opened and in she came. In the shorts she wore for sleep her false leg was on full display. I remember helping her make it, replacing the standard wooden one for a metal one with upgrades bring added whenever we visited eachother or were together in our free time from longer summits. The leg, essentially fully functional due to her use of spells and my use of metal. Light blue swirls, famous for their use in her history giving off a slight hum in the dark room, dancing up and down the metal limb. Gott she was an angel.

"That meeting left me a wreck." She stifled a yawn, lowering herself slowly to the bed beside me. The blue began to fade slowly as she stopped using magic, bleeding up her leg until disappearing once it reached the end of the metal at her upper thigh. "How does it vork?" I lowly hummed.

"The magic I use to move the leg? It's a weird mix of electricity and telekinesis. I use the electricity to stimulate the metal wires and pistons you put into it and use the telekinesis to make it move in a more natural way. I just wish it didn't glow, it makes it impossible to hide"

Hide? Why hide it? It's beautiful...is it inappropriate to say that out loud? I settle on a less invasive response.

"Why hide it? The blue looks like the tattoo you always joke about getting?"

She went quiet did I go to far? No she always said when I went too far same as I always did if our discussions on my...past got too vivid...She continued.

"When I lost my leg, I lost a part of myself. The image of the country who would fight anyone to be free, that had the confidence of countries ten times her size, it was gone. I kept up the act in letters and statements acting like the leg didn't phase me...Then I got to finally see my siblings again. None of them were allowed near me after one of my attempts for freeedom out of fear I'd help them escape or convince England to go rogue against his boss. They watched me struggle to do anything, they watched me have to ask for help to move, they watched me weak. It's been hard adjusting...then..."

She took a deep breath and looked up. Something she often did when trying not to cry. I gently lay a hand on her back and put on the calmest voice I could.

"Then vhat? Take jour time, I know it's difficult, but please tell me vhat happened?"

"I met someone. They helped me without even realising it. They slowly built up my confidence in myself, taught me how to laugh and smile like I used to. Obviously my family helped but the help from this person stuck with me more I suppose. He built me up, tried to help when he didn't have to."

He. My world slowly shattered and fell around me. So she has somebody else. Someone better. Someone who can show her all the love they probably expect being raised by someone like France and England.

"Oh...vill jou tell me more about him?"

She let a slow smile spread across her face.

"He's kind and sweet but covers it over with a stiff outer shell. He has many talents...so many talents. He's amazing really, but one thing in particular is what I think made me fall for him."

"Vhat vas it? That he did"

I was probing. I was pushing too far into her private life. If she never spoke about him in all our years of friendship, she had a reason not to. She's a damn ex-spy and rebel leader she knows how much to trust people. But...I didn't care. I wanted to know. Needed to. I had loved her for years only for her to slip away the moment I had started working to con-

"He built me a new leg. Then he called it pretty and sleek and said he liked the blue the magic made on it."

Oh...this was...not what I expected. I was the one who built the leg...she knows that...she...she...

"Ireland I..."

I slowly pulled her gently, she was straddling me so I could look into her eyes.

"Do jou really. But vhat I've done. How could jou?"

"Fall for a lovable human being? It's rather simple. I'm just hoping you'll give this amputee a chance."

She looked at me hopefully through her eye lashes. At that moment I realised why us Germans aren't seen as great romantics. We're better at doing, not speaking. So do I did.

I kissed her. Pouring every piece of emotion I felt for her, because of her into it. Desperately trying to show her how much I cared regardless of how bad I'd be at saying it. And it was bliss. My pulse was racing faster then any of my, no Germany's, F1 cars.

She was with me, not my country, not my people, ME. And I'm going to be selfish.

Her soft warm lips, pushing against my colder ones. Tasting like that brand of chocolate she loves mixed with the minty taste of toothpaste. Her arms, laying around me neck, playing with the hairs on the back of my head. My arms, pulling her closer filling every gap between us I could find. I was in heaven, kissing an angel, and I wasn't going to give it up for anything. The entire world could be damned so long as she was in my arms. Everything Italy, France, Spain, Bruder, and all the other countries preached about love suddenly clicked. I loved her. I never wanted to leave her side. I wanted to be her hero, her Ritter (knight), her lover.

And by the way she was kissing back she wanted to be mine.

*POV switch*

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE'S KISSING ME!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'M KISSING HIM!

AAAHHHHHHHH!!!

I barely thought of anything else, all I could focus on was getting drunk off his kisses. He was kissing me like the world was ending and I loved it.

At some point it went from me in his lap to beneath him on the bed, staring into icy blue eyes.

"vell..." He drawled "ve have a hotel room, a snow storm. no ozher countries on zhis floor, or anyvone for that matter until tomorrow. and a very horny country. vhat do jou suppose ve do Ms.Ireland?"

I spoke before my mind could think. "Well Mr.Germany. A second, equally as horny country is beneath you so the real question is...Was wirst du dagegen tun?

What are you going to do about it?

Snap.

"Ich heiße nicht deutschland Ich heiße ludvig" he growls out. Responds very well to German if the kisses are any proof.

My name isn't Germany. My name is Ludwig

I leant up to whisper in his ear..."Es ist gut zu wissen, was ich später schreien werde. Ich bin (Y/N)."

It's good to know what I'll be screaming later. I'm (Y/N).

I hear a growl before my hands are held above my head with kisses attacking my neck...If this was Russia's plan for only having only one flight home then he's getting cookies next meeting.

*both POV*

Thank God/Gott for snow storms.