#and then you have thanks for the disco where it's a very in-the-moment song. and still about disco and partying but darker in tone

[magentagalaxies]

realizing i could honestly teach a whole course on mouth congress and probably fill an entire class with an analysis of "young and alive in 1975" and "thanks for the disco"

[shuadotcom]

Curse The Stars | HJS (M)

🪩 Summary: Meeting someone at the disco to take home for the night is customary for you, especially in your line of work. But meeting this man on this night at this disco feels more like fate as Joshua becomes much more than just your routine one night stand.

🪩 Pairing: Salesman!Joshua x Starlet Afab!Reader

🪩 Genres + AUs: Smut, fluff, a little bitty bit of angst, strangers to lovers, fwb to lovers, 1970s Hollywood au, porn with a lil plot

🪩 Rating: 18+ (MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI)

🪩 Words: 8.4k

🪩 Warnings: Profanity, mentions of alcohol/drinking, poorly written 70s themes and slang (I’m a 90s baby I did my best okay)

🪩 Smut Warnings: Dirty talk, oral (f & m receiving), face-fucking, praise, fingering, pussy slapping, spitting (it’s tame lol), marking, doggy, mating press, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, overstim, creampie, reader is called good girl once, breeding kink?, big dick!joshua as usual

🪩 Note: Here’s my fic for @svthub’s 70s;teen collab!

This fic was heavily inspired by Virgo’s Groove by Beyoncé. It’s my 2nd favorite song off of Renaissance and as soon as I heard it I knew I needed to write some horny little songfic. At the same time it came out I was rewatching some Home Run performances and Joshua in those stages drives me absolutely insaneeee and here we are 🤗 This was supposed to be much shorter but I got carried away and added a little more plot than intended oops.

Thank you to my amazing, sweet, lovely beta @horanghater. I promise I’ll stop asking you to beta for me last minute!!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽 And thank you to the talented and wonderful @playmetheclassics for always making the most gorgeous banners for me! 🥺 💛

“Hi there beautiful, can I trouble you for a dance?”

This isn’t the first time you’ve been approached - not tonight or any night when you find yourself out on the town. You’ve already had a handful of people propose a dance, but all of them were men that did nothing but stare at your tits or give off the finest of sleazebag energy.

This man though…this man is different. 

His round eyes stay locked on yours, an unassuming, even sweet, smile plastered onto his lips that makes the corners quirk upwards. The smile reaches those brown eyes that bat at you and render you speechless for a moment.

He’s pristinely styled, with perfectly slicked back white-blond hair, and wearing fancy attire like everyone else is;  this is a new disco, and only the people with money or connections are allowed in. A freshly pressed blue suit, a very fitting lavender turtleneck, and shiny chains that glisten under the bright lights overhead, all cling to his body in ways that make your eyes linger on him longer than you should.

When he notices you ogling him, his smile becomes more of a smirk, one full of charm, and on any other man, it might’ve been suspicious, but this man has an aura to him that doesn’t make you immediately put your guard up.

“Sure,” you finally say, putting your hand in his outstretched one. With a small wave to your friends who are all giggling behind you, you’re off to the dancefloor, the man’s much larger hand engulfing yours.

With “Last Dance” having just been released, it’s the only thing that’s been playing everywhere you go for the past few weekends and tonight is no different. It plays over the speakers while you and the handsome man dance together, your bodies seeming to know where the other is moving without even having to say anything. Any hesitation that you’d enjoy your time with him fades away as the song plays, both of you singing the lyrics along with Donna Summer as he spins you around. 

Typically after the first dance, you’d prepare to have your partner offer to buy you a drink in the hopes of letting the liquor loosen you up, or they’d even skip straight to the part where they’d offer to find a hotel room nearby for you to be alone. 

Once again, though, he is different. 

This handsome stranger simply asks if you want to keep dancing and you do. Song after song, you stay on the dancefloor under the bright, multi-colored lights, laughing and singing with him until you’re both finally in need of a rest.

“I’m Joshua,” he says loudly when there’s a slight, brief lull in the music. “Joshua Hong.”

“Y/n Y/l/n.” He smiles that sweet smile again and repeats your name back to you.

“Such a gorgeous name, but I would expect nothing less from someone so gorgeous.” The line is cheesy and you’ve heard it too many times, yet somehow, Joshua still manages to make your skin hot.

“I bet you say that to everyone you dance with!”

“Only the ones I really like.” The mischievous quirk of his lips has you rolling your eyes, but you still think it’s cute.

That’s when you decide that you want to be the one to speed the night along this time.

“Wanna get out of here? My place isn’t that far from here.”

Joshua seems surprised, though only momentarily, at your bluntness, but he nods, taking your hand in his again and letting you guide him through the crowd, catching your friends’ attention with a wave on the way out and going out into the crisp fall night.

“How’d you get here?” he asks once you’re out of the doors.

“One of my friends’ boyfriends dropped us off.” He makes a noise of acknowledgement and leads you both to the busy parking lot full of people standing around and laughing, the good times spilling out from inside the bustling building.

Joshua approaches a sleek, teal convertible Cadillac. When you reach the passenger side, he holds the door open for you, gesturing you inside with a bow and flourish of his hand.

“Out of sight! I shoulda known you’d have a fancy car.” With a whistle, you slide in and he gently shuts the door behind you. 

“And why is that?”

“Most actors your age do. I would know - I’m an actress. I’ve had many a fellow actor try and get me in his Caddy.”

Joshua gets in on his side, tilting his head in question. “You think I’m an actor?”

“You’re not?” He shakes his head. “Oh.”

“Why’d you assume that?” At being questioned you clam up, clearing your throat a few times. 

“Well, you’re just, you know.”

“No, I don’t know.”

“Ugh, because you’re crazy handsome, okay?! You have a face that should be on film, but don’t go getting a big head about it!” You can tell he’s going to do exactly that, the corners of his mouth raising in an infuriatingly attractive way.

“Well thank you, beautiful. Good to know you find me ‘crazy handsome’.”

“Don’t start! Now I have to wonder what it is you actually do.” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Are you a screenwriter? You seem like you have a lot going on upstairs.”

“Thank you, I think? But no way. I wouldn’t even know where to begin writing a movie.”

“Okay, then a singer?”

“I do enjoy music.” At your victorious look, Joshua shakes his head. “But nope, not a singer.”

“What about -”

“What about telling me how to get your place so we can leave the parking lot?” 

“Oops.” You had been so wrapped up in marveling at the fresh leather and knowing a little more about your partner for the night that you nearly forgot you’re still surrounded by the nightlife in the parking lot.

The drive to your apartment is only about ten minutes away. Between telling Joshua where to turn, you sing along to the radio. Now that you’re not being inundated with booming music, you get a chance to hear Joshua’s singing voice and it only serves to leave you breathless. 

His voice is so soft and sweet yet confident as he hits the notes effortlessly. Momentarily you falter, forgetting to warn him of the next turn simply because you’re too busy staring at him slack-jawed.

He has to call your name to bring your brain back from the Joshua-shaped hole it was slipping into just listening to him. You point out the final right turn to him, doing your best to ignore how much more handsome he is out of the bright disco lights with just the moonlight illuminating his immaculate features.

As soon as you step inside, he’s taking in your apartment, complementing your pad, your choice of furniture, and the paintings hanging on your walls. You, on the other hand, have only one thing on your mind. 

When you approach Joshua, stopping him mid-sentence with your lips as he’s asking you a question about your record collection, he’s surprised, but only momentarily as he kisses you back, warm hands cupping your face. 

Joshua fucks you stupid into your mattress that night. Making you cum over and over again with his dirty words and names and his big dick keeping you full and satisfied more than any other hookups from nights past.

When he finally lets you rest, body spent and listless, you all but pass out on his chest with him making no move to leave you alone for the night which is enough to have you dreaming about him when your tired eyes slip closed.

When you wake up the following day it’s to an empty bed and a note on your nightstand.

Sorry to leave you like this beautiful, but I’ve got work. 

I’d love to dance with you again. Call me xo

Joshua

His phone number stares back at you at the end of his note and you mull over the idea of calling him before putting the note in your nightstand drawer instead. You can’t say you’ve ever had a hookup earnestly leave their number, so you need to let the thought of calling him back ruminate.

By the next weekend, Joshua is still on your mind and you find out that you can say the same for him. You’re back at the disco with your friends, the one you met him at, and when you’re at the bar getting drinks, a familiar voice sounds in your ears.

“You know, I waited by the phone for you all week. I was pretty hurt when every time it rang you weren’t on the other line.”

You practically jump out of your skin when Joshua appears, a pout on his pretty lips as he hovers close to your side.

“I…I um,” you stammer. You hadn’t expected to see him again, especially not so soon.

“If you don’t wanna see me again-”

“I do!” The words tumble out, cutting him off and he snickers at your eagerness. “I mean, I do wanna see you again. Truth be told, I’ve never had someone leave me their number and honestly want me to call them. It’s usually just for show.” Anytime a number was scrawled on your arm or a business card was left and you called the day after, you were usually met with disinterest or a nonchalant promise to meet up again. They never kept their promises.

“I wouldn’t leave my number if I didn’t want you to use it. I swear.” Joshua’s smile is sincere. His eyes meet yours, pinning you in place, and soon neither of you are moving or speaking - only searching the other for the answer. Eyes are the window to the soul, and when you search Joshua’s all you can find is honesty and gentleness and you allow yourself to believe it.

“Okay. I’ll call you later this week?”

“I hope you do, but do I have to wait that long to spend time with you or do you wanna get under that disco ball with me?” 

The idea to buy a drink is forgotten when you take Joshua’s hand and get lost in him and the music all over again. 

That night ends up the same as before with you in his car being driven to your apartment.

Tonight, though, your destination is your couch, talking to one another, drinks in hand to keep the mood comfortable. Joshua is an incredible listener, nodding along in a way that you know he’s truly taking your words in, and asking you questions about yourself. He asks what got you into acting and where you’re from. He asks about your friends, your favorite restaurants, and your favorite things to do when you’re not working.

If you rack your brain, you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful conversation with a partner. It’s…different, in a good way.

You find out that he was invited to the disco you met at by a friend of his named Taehyung, whose name you had heard in your circle before. Hollywood isn’t that big a place.

“So, I completely forgot to ask, what movies have you been in? Truth be told, I don't recognize your name or your face, and believe me, I'd remember if I saw such a stone-cold fox on the big screen.” His words are flirty, but he asks with genuine interest.

“Well, I’ve only been in a few films, but they’re probably not ones you’ve seen.”

“Try me.” After you name the five medium-sized, indie films you have a spot on the credits in, Joshua tries to nod along but you can tell how obvious it is that he hasn’t seen any of them.

“That’s okay. I wanna be the next Pam Grier or Cicely Tyson, but I’ve still got a long way to go.”

“Hey, I’m sure you will be. No - I know you will. I can tell you’re gonna be a real star.” There’s no hint of sarcasm behind what he says. He’s so sure of himself - of his words - and a warmth overtakes you, settling deep in your chest.

“Thank you.” Your words are bashful and he seems to notice, scooting across the mustard-colored fabric of your couch, closer to you.

“Anyway, what do you do other than make people all flustered just for fun?”

“I work with people,” Joshua answers with a chuckle, taking a sip of his drink.

“You work with people?”

“Yep, all types of people. Demanding people, nice people, some of the worst people I’ve ever met. You name it.”

“I work with people too, Joshua, and we already established you’re not an actor.”

“I could never be an actor. I don’t think I have it in me.”

“Okay, so what are you then?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you do?”

“For what?”

“For work, Joshua!” Throwing your hands in the air at his back and forth you nearly knock your drink over, but catch it in time, setting the glass on the oak coffee table, not noticing when you completely miss your coaster.

Joshua laughs, commenting on how cute you look frowning at him like this. “I’m a salesman.”

“Is that all? Jesus, stop being so weird and elusive. What do you sell? Houses? Some fancy, shiny cars or something?” 

His expression stays neutral, suddenly transfixed by the ice swirling in his cup.

“Joshua?”

He heaves a sigh and finally meets your eyes. 

“Washing machines,” his words come out in a rush. “Appliances in general, but I uh, I’ve sold the most washing machines in my department.” He takes a hearty sip of his drink, not meeting your stare.

“Okay? What’s the problem with that?” 

“I - you don’t care?”

“Why would I?”

Joshua chuckles, running a hand through his neatly styled platinum hair. “Whenever I’m on this side of town, the second someone finds out I’m not an actor or model or whatever they assume I am, usually they lose interest in me. I know we’ve only seen each other twice but I really like spending time with you. I was worried you’d tell me to get out or something.” 

The man whom you’ve only known for a week at best and who always looks so confident and self-assured is wringing his hands in front of you, an air of nervousness surrounding him. 

“Lucky for you, I’m not as shallow as the other folks in Hollywood and I don’t care what you do. Besides, spending time with you is the most fun I’ve had in a long time.” Joshua seems to search your face for any hint of doubt behind your words, but he finds none. 

He takes this as a cue to lean over and kiss you and you don’t think twice to kiss him back, melting into his lips and his hold.

Once again, Joshua fucks you within an inch of your life, staying over again, but this time he doesn’t have work until a little later so he sleeps in with you. After breakfast, he props you on your laminate counters and rocks your world, the remainder of your eggs and toast left cold on the side.

Joshua Hong is quickly proving to be someone you’re unable to let go of and you’re starting to believe that you don’t want to.

You and Joshua expertly fall into a groove. The next few months with him are the same; meeting at the disco on the weekends, sometimes he comes over during the week after you’ve been on the phone for a few hours, and he has sex with you on every surface of your apartment (even a few times in his Cadillac he had saved up for), then he sleeps over and goes home, only for you two to do it all over again. It becomes routine and is the very definition of your relationship with him for months.

Joshua is easy to be with and talk to and what you have works with him - you’re comfortable with him - more comfortable than you’ve ever been with a man. 

That’s why it’s so easy to fall in love with him.

You don’t notice it at first and you’re not sure when your enjoyment for being around him morphed into a need to see him or when you went from butterflies fluttering in your stomach when he complimented you to full-on fawning over him internally, but it snuck up on you and hit you like a bus.

The first time it dawns on you is when you’re both cuddled up on your couch, watching a new episode of The Jeffersons. George Jefferson makes a joke that you both find particularly funny, causing you both to erupt in a fit of laughter. You peek over at Joshua and you feel your heart skip a beat. His eyes are in the shape of crescent moons (which you’re realizing you always notice and it always makes you melt) and his radiant smile that makes his whole face light up is as infectious as always, and you can’t help but beam even more. His laugh, always so airy and melodic, rings through your apartment and you think to yourself how much you wish you could hear it every day for the rest of forever.

The next time your feelings make themselves known is when he’s over and he offers to cook you dinner, which you eagerly accept. 

It’s just a simple pasta dish, nothing too fancy, but seeing Joshua float around your kitchen in your frilly red apron does something to you. Every so often he’ll pause in singing along to the record playing in the living room to let you taste the sauce or the noodles, sometimes planting a kiss on your forehead or cheek before feeding you. Your heart (and your pussy) clenches at how attractive he looks and at the thought of seeing him like this more often. And by “more often”, your brain attempts to conjure up the question, “What if you lived together?”

You quickly shake the thought away, scolding yourself. You and Joshua have only been…whatever this is for a little over four months. The idea of living together is simply ridiculous.

It’s when four months roll into six, then eight, and nearly nine that you accept that your thoughts now belong to Joshua Hong and Joshua Hong only. When you start seeing him in the sunshine and away from the bright night lights, you feel the shift in your heart finalizing. In simple flared-bottom jeans and fitting shirts, Joshua is just as stunning and alluring as he is in his finest suits and quaffed hair. He can still make you laugh the same and you have the same meaningful conversations and he can still fuck you better than you’ve ever been fucked in your whole life. He’s the same slick guy that dances with you whenever you’re both feeling good and after nearly a year of knowing him, you finally accept that you’re in love with him.

The decision to tell him is one you have to make on your own.

“When are you going to stop messing around with the washing machine salesman?”

“Yeah, you need someone who will put you on the map! What about Hyungwon Chae? He’s been in a few flicks and he’s sooo handsome!”

“Yeah! Oh, or Jungkook Jeon?! His latest album is rumored to be wildly successful and I’ve heard it’ll be just as groovy as his last!”

The conversations with your friends around Joshua are always the same. It doesn’t matter how much detail you go into about the latest sweet thing he’s done for you or the latest concert he took you to or how good he is in bed (you keep that to yourself now since they never appreciate it), it’s always the same criticism. He’s not famous, he’s not rich - he’s just some “normal” guy to them and they can’t seem to fathom why on Earth you’re still seeing him.

They don’t seem to get that he’s so much more than a frequent hookup to you. At least - you want him to be. You can’t tell how he feels or if he wants more, but how will you ever know if you don’t tell him? 

Your heart hammers against your chest at the thought of telling him and having him turn you down. The worst he can do is say he wants to keep your time together the same: doing things that make it feel like you’re more than what you are. Even worse is that he can stop seeing you altogether. Even the whisper of that makes your head hurt and your stomach tangle in unfixable knots.

But then there’s that possibility that Joshua digs you as much as you dig him, if not more. That possibility is what burrows deep into your brain and gives you the confidence you need to tell him. 

Confidence or delusion - either way, it’s a chance you’ll take. 

As an actress, you have to remind yourself that life is full of risks. You wouldn’t have any of the flicks on your resume that you do if you didn’t go to those auditions, put yourself out there, and give it your all. That’s what you want to do with Joshua - it’s what you need to do. You don’t need so-called friends to tell you that.

You have to tell him. You have to know if he’s also too nervous to admit his feelings or if you’re being foolish and pining for nothing. He’s quite possibly the love of your life and you need to tell him.

You don’t see Joshua for two weeks after you realize how you feel about him. Between his extra shifts and a rush of auditions from your manager, life seems to keep you apart for much longer than you’d like. 

It’s when you finally have a night to yourself, away from the hustle and bustle that you get the time you’ve been yearning for.

You’re stepping out of the tub when you hear your phone ringing, the shrill sound breaching your quiet evening.

“I’m coming!” You call out to no one, slipping on your fluffy robe and slippers before shuffling through the apartment and to the kitchen. You make it just in time, picking up the pink phone dangling from the wall.

“Hello?” The tone you take on is slightly annoyed, hoping the caller knows you’re unhappy with the interruption.

“Hey, beautiful. Hope I’m not interrupting your night.” The smooth sound of Joshua’s voice melts you on the spot, expertly deflating your growing irritation as easily as popping a balloon.  You’re embarrassed to admit just how easily Joshua Hong can get you to abandon anything else that isn’t him. 

“Hey, Shua. No, I’m just at home tonight. I just got out of the tub.”

“Oh yeah? No big fancy parties with your fancy friends?” 

“Nope. It’s just me, all alone with no plans for the rest of the night.” Your fingers tangle in the phone cord, wrapping the springy wire around your hand.

“I see. That sounds pretty boring if you ask me,” he hums, quickly picking up what you’re putting down. “No one to talk to or spend time with.” 

“Hmm yeah, you’re right. Just me, myself, and I, all alone here,” your true intentions behind those words dripping from your flirty tone like honey. Not even five minutes ago that sounded like a perfect evening, but you already know why he’s calling, and spending the night with Joshua sounds like a much better option. 

“Such a shame for you to be home alone all night. Maybe you can get someone to keep you company?”

“I think I’ll have to. I just don’t know what to do with myself otherwise. Plus, I’m feeling awful lonely.”

“Well we wouldn’t want you to be lonely now would we?” Joshua is smirking into the phone, and you can so clearly envision his grin with mischief written all over his pretty face. He wants you to initiate tonight and he’ll go back and forth as long as you’ll let him. Typically you have no problem keeping up with his snark, but the sound of his voice alone has you craving him like some sex-crazed lunatic.

Which you suppose you are when it comes to Joshua.

“Baby,” you breathe out, deciding you’re yearning for him far too much to play this game tonight. “Please come over?” You make sure to add a sprinkling of a whine at the end of your request, punctuating the entirety of your words with a tiny moan. 

Joshua hums into the phone, pretending to think even though you both already know his answer.

“And how could I say no to you, hmm?” Joshua shuffles on the other end, his voice lowering an octave, but volume loud and clear to you. “I’m done work in a few. Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be over to see you. Think you can wait up for me, darling?”

“Always, Shua,” the implication behind his words has you buzzing with excitement, your own voice lowering in a hushed tone even though you’re home alone.

“See you soon, beautiful.”

As soon as the phone hangs up you rush into action, shuffling back to your bathroom to completely dry off and moisturize your skin. With styled hair and a spritz of Joshua’s favorite perfume on you, you slip into your favorite silk nightie, the one that dusts your ankles with the slit in the side that goes up to the middle of your thigh. You don the matching robe and put on one of your favorite records, mixing two drinks after you do so. 

Just as you’re about to sit down there’s a knock on your door. Your stomach does flips as you go to answer it. You hadn’t known when you wanted to tell Joshua that you want him as more than a friend he sleeps with every weekend, but this feels like the right time. Truth be told you don’t know when the right time even is, but the longer you wait the more it’ll gnaw at you and won’t leave you alone.

“Look at you,” Joshua wraps his arms around you as soon as you let him in, drawing you into his embrace. He places a kiss on your lips, lingering for a second before pulling away. You hate the way you want to chase his lips.

He follows you into the living room, sinking into the couch next to you and you hand him the drink you made. 

“It’s just an old-fashioned, nothing fancy.”

“An old-fashioned is pretty fancy to me. You didn’t have to make me anything, darling.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to.”

Your words earn you another kiss, this time on your cheek and you get a new round of tingles across your body.

Joshua tells you about his day as you sit and drink together and the whole thing feels so painfully domestic. And you want it to be, so badly. Not that you want to stop acting - it’s been your dream as long as you can remember so you would never abandon it, but you want Joshua to be a part of this now and a small piece of you worries that he won’t want to. Hollywood isn’t for everyone and he’s voiced time after time how he could never see himself in showbiz or the business in general. But that’s fine with you. The time you’ve spent with Joshua far surpasses anyone else in the business you’ve ever given your time to anyway.

“Y/n?”

“Huh?”

“I lost you for a moment there. I didn’t mean to bore you with my department store tales,” Joshua chuckles, sipping his drink.

“No, you could never bore me! I was just thinking is all.”

“About?”

“You,” your answer is automatic and it’s the truth.

“Oh yeah?” You nod in response as Joshua tilts his head at you, eyes sparkling as he looks you over. “C’mon. Let’s boogie.” He puts his glass down and grabs your hand instead, leading you to the middle of your living room. 

Minnie Riperton serenades you as Joshua brings you closer, your bodies slotting together perfectly as you sway to the music. He hums along, his eyes closing as he dips you for show, both of you sharing a giggle as he brings you upright.

These are the moments that let you know that you’re in love with Joshua Hong. Everything he does, everything he says, it’s all with a tenderness and a care that you’ve never experienced, but it still makes you feel incredibly special.

The beginning chords of “Lovin' You” fill the room, as Joshua’s fingers dance across your waist.

“I love this song.” He begins humming along again, and this is the moment you’ve been waiting for, you think, sucking in a huge breath of air.

“And I love you,” the words fall from your mouth before you can think twice and you do your damndest to make yourself sound confident.

Joshua’s smile slips in an instant, his expression turning serious. “What?”

“I’m into you, Joshua. So much. I wanna be more than what we are.” He’s stopped swaying completely, neither of you moving. The only sound other than the song still playing is the sound of the blood rushing loudly through your ears.

“Y/n…”

Your heart is this close to shattering into a million pieces. “What, you don’t like me back?”

He must notice your forlorn expression, because he reaches for you again, gently touching your arm. “No, it’s not that I just…” 

“What is it then? Huh?”

Joshua heaves out a sigh, eyes closing before fixing you with a steady gaze. “I just sell washing machines, Y/n. I don’t have some bright future like you. I’m not getting a star on the Walk of Fame. I’ll get promoted to a store manager at best. I’m not like you.”

You blink at him, taking in his words. “That’s what you’re worried about?! Joshua, I don’t fucking care! I wouldn’t care if you worked at a factory or were a carpenter. Hell, I wouldn’t care if you were unemployed - I like you for you. No, I love you. I love you for your heart and your sense of humor and how sweet you are to me and how you actually, genuinely care about me and my interests and my dreams. I love you for every little thing about you, Joshua. Not for how much money you make or any of that.”

He’s silent, letting you pour your words out, your thoughts flowing from your mouth like a broken faucet. “Y/n…” he finally starts. The fear that he’ll turn you away just because he feels like he’s not enough grips you. Your ears tune into the song still playing and you do the first thing you can think of to get him to stop. You sing.

“Lovin' you I see your soul come shinin' through…”

He looks confused, almost unsure if you’ve truly begun to sing to him. “Y/n -”

“And every time that we oooooh. I'm more in love with you.”

“I’m-”

“La la la la la la la…do do do do do-“

Joshua closes the small gap between you two, his lips colliding with yours, putting a stop to your serenade before you can hit Minnie Riperton’s falsetto. You don’t object in the slightest, kissing him back with all your might.

“Did it work?” You mumble against his lips as you separate. “Did I get through to you? Are you staying?”

“I mean, you definitely made me lose track of what I was thinking of saying to you. I think I also know why you told me that one time that you’ve never considered being a singer.”

His teasing earns him a push against his chest, barely even moving under your force. “I pour my heart out to you in song and this is what I get?!”

He dodges the remainder of your playful hits and grasps your hands in his, his thumbs caressing your skin.

“Seriously, Y/n. I’m just a guy who works at Sears. Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you want me like that?” You can’t help but lift a hand and smooth out the crinkles on his forehead with your thumb, attempting to push the frown off of his perfect face.

“The only other time I’ve been this sure about something I wanted was when I knew I wanted to be an actress.” His eyes shine as you speak, searching for sincerity. “Do you want me like that?” 

“God, yes, I do. I have for months.” 

Relief washes over you, putting you at ease. “Then you can have me. In any and every way.”

Joshua doesn’t hesitate in the slightest. Soft lips meld into yours, your body molding against his as he holds you around the waist. His hands roam your body, his touch leaving searing warmth in its wake. He kisses you, sufficiently taking your breath away as he does. Your fingers card through his platinum locks, mussing the strands, but he pays it no mind as his lips trail from yours, down to your jaw and your neck. Joshua is nothing short of an expert when it comes to your body and the places you like to be touched and kissed.

When he reaches the most sensitive spot on your neck, the spot that makes your toes curl, he sucks, sinking his teeth into the soft skin. A sharp cry slips out of your mouth as he nibbles on the skin, sucking hard enough that there’ll surely be a mark there in the morning. 

His hands wrap around you, palming your ass through your nightie and bringing your body impossibly closer to him. His erection strains against his corduroy pants, hard and aching just for you. You heave a heavy sigh when he finally leaves the patch of skin he’s working at alone, only to move to another swatch of skin. Your knees almost give out and you have to grab onto his blazer to stay upright. 

Joshua’s hands roam over the silk and he continues to spend extra time on your most sensitive of areas before he decides he’s satisfied with the marks he’s decorated you with. He moves to kiss you again and with each slide of his lips against yours feeling more frantic by the second, so does his grip until his fingers catch on the knot of your robe, tugging it gently.

“Can I…?” he questions into your mouth.

“You never have to ask.” His lips curl into a smile against yours as he makes quick work of removing your robe and tossing it aside. He gently bunches up the fabric of your nightgown and eases it up and over your head, letting the fabric fall to the floor.

Now with no barrier between his wandering hands and your bare skin, Joshua’s hands move across you with purpose, one hand cradling your lower back and pushing you into him again. The other beelines for one of your breasts, his large hand scooping one up to knead at. He kisses you with so much hunger you can feel the need rolling off of him in waves and his hands that paw at you serve to make you even wetter.

He bucks his hips shallowly against you and your need for him reaches an all-time high. When you pull away, Joshua looks forlorn at losing your warmth, but when you drop to your knees in front of him, letting the brown shag underneath you dig into your skin, his expression morphs into one of excitement.

Hands work at his belt buckle, undoing it, then his pants, and you help him step out of the fabric along with his underwear. His cock, in all of its thick, throbbing glory feels as heavy as always in your hands when you pump him a few times, watching the precum bead at his tip. Wrapping your lips around the bulbous head, you suckle at it a few times, loving the way that Joshua starts breathing heavily above you, one of his hands coming up to settle on the back of your head.

You ease his length into your mouth bit by bit, enjoying the way the thickness stretches your lips and your throat as you take him in. You clench around nothing, already anticipating that same stretch in your dripping cunt.

“Fuck, just like that, darling,” Joshua grunts when you finally take him as far as you can fit him in your mouth, your hands wrapping around the rest of him. Your head bobs in tandem with your hands as you stroke him, letting him hit the back of your throat. 

Both of Joshua’s hands are on your head now, his fingers getting caught in your hair as he tugs a few times. You’ve had his dick down your throat enough times to know what he wants, so you go slack, letting him fuck your mouth, gagging each time he pushes your head to meet his thrusts.

Your eyes slip closed, letting him use your mouth to the pace he wants. Your core throbs almost painfully as you suck him off and you have to rub your thighs together to feel any semblance of relief, although it’s nowhere near enough.

Joshua stills his hips then, keeping his length buried in your throat, your nose touching his pubic bone as you slowly breathe out of it. You swallow around him a few times, Joshua letting out a long, rumbling groan from his chest before pulling you back, his cock leisurely sitting against your lips, both of you trying to catch your breaths.

“Keep sucking me off like that and I’ll have to paint your pretty face.”

You suck him in one more time then pull off of him completely with a pop, tongue dipping into his slit just to tease him. “Do it. Want you to cover me in your cum.”

Joshua hisses, the grip on your hair tightening as he pulls you off of his length once and for all. “Fuck, you’re so nasty. Sit on the couch, baby.” 

Ignoring the soreness in your knees, you crawl to the couch and perch on the edge, awaiting Joshua’s next instructions. Joshua unbuttons his shirt, your eyes greedily drinking in every inch of his toned, honeyed skin as he does so. Once he’s fully naked in front of you like he has been so many times before, you lick your lips, wanting nothing more than to cover him in marks of your own.

That will have to wait as it’s Joshua’s turn to drop to his knees and make his way over to you, settling in between your already open legs. His hands, always so big and warm and strong, grip your thighs, spreading them even further, so agonizingly slow. 

“Mmm, there she is - drooling for me already. Crying to be filled up.”

“Josh- shua, please!”

“Please? Please what, sweetheart?” Joshua drags his finger through your sticky folds, watching your arousal coat his fingers.

“Please finger me or fuck me - anything!” 

The smirk that tells you he plans to tease you plays on his lips, the corners quirking up in the most aggravating, charming way.

“Anything?”

“Please!” 

His palm meets your core with force, smacking your pussy and sending a jolt through your whole body. Back arching in the air you let out a tiny scream, and more follow as he does it a second, third, fourth time.

“Joshua, baby, fuck, please!”

“Hmm? Thought you wanted anything I give you? Slapping your greedy pussy isn’t enough?”

Shaking your head vigorously, you beg him for something more. “Wanna be stuffed, please, Shua!”

His eyes darken at your words and he takes a mercy on you, landing two more smacks against your mound before he dips a finger into your core, a sigh of solace leaving you. He watches your mouth hang open as he works his finger in and out at a torturous pace. 

“Always so warm and wet for me.”

“Always,” you assure him. You’ll always be ready for him in any way that he wants you.

Joshua slips a second finger in, stretching your walls more. You can write a whole dissertation about how good Joshua is with his hands and how much you love them, but his pace picks up, sufficiently wiping your brain of any of those eloquent words.

“Fuck!” You yelp as he keeps pumping his fingers into you and leans over to wrap his lips around your aching clit. He sucks at the bud, pistoning his digits and crooking them, his fingertips catching against your g-spot. “Shua!”

“God, I love it when you say my name. Say it again, baby.” To coax you, he flattens his tongue against your clit, putting pressure on it as his fingers move faster, and rougher, bringing you closer to your peak. If it’s up to Joshua, he’d have you cumming until you pass out, but you have to draw the line somewhere after the first night he wanted to see how many times he could get you to cum for him (his record is eight, and you haven’t had the fortitude to let him try and break it just yet).

“Joshua - Shua, gonna cum!”

“Go on then, do it, baby, cum for me.” He continues to suck on your clit, his teeth grazing the nub a few times and that’s all it takes to have you let go, yelling out Joshua’s name again as you do. He doesn’t give you time to catch your breath because his mouth then latches onto your pussy, tongue darting into your wet heat.

“T-too much!” Your whimpers are half-assed and he knows you don’t actually mean it which is why he keeps at it, slurping your juices and fucking you with his tongue. Joshua hums against you as he goes and it’s embarrassing how quickly you cum again, but your partner loves it, chuckling against you as he laps up your release and places a kiss on your puffy lips.

“You always taste so sweet, baby. Flip over for me?”

“‘Course,” you rasp, turning your already tired body over, Joshua helping with gentle hands on your hips. He stands up, stretching tall as he walks to his forgotten pants and gets out his wallet.

“Damn it,” he huffs, rifling through his wallet and checking the pockets a few more times.

“What’s wrong?”

“I forgot to bring more condoms. You okay waiting for me to -”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. I need you now.”

“Y/n, we’ve never -”

“I know, but I haven’t been messing around with anyone else since we started seeing each other. Have you?” 

“No, I haven’t. How could I when I have a whole you waiting for me here?” Even with your ass in the air and pussy glistening with his spit, it’s the way he says this - with so much care and admiration in his tone - that has you flustered.

Joshua joins you again, hands running down your back, goosebumps popping up on your flesh under his touch. He stops at your ass, squeezing and kneading your cheeks, spreading you open, the cool air of your apartment making you jump.

The chill is quickly replaced with the searing warmth that is Joshua as the tip of his dick nudges your entrance. He purses his lips, leaning over to spit on both his length and your hole before plunging into you. His girth stretches your walls deliciously, inch by inch of him entering you.

You let out an audible shudder as he goes, relaxing your body as best you can as he stuffs you.

“Look at you,” Joshua coos once he’s fully sheathed inside of you. “Taking my fat cock so well, darling.”

“Feels so g-good, Shua. So fucking good.”

“Yeah? I’ll make you feel even better, baby.” Joshua grips your waist and pulls his hips back, all the way until only his cockhead catches at your hole before snapping forward, shoving his dick back into you to the hilt. You can’t help but wail at Joshua’s thrusts, hips meeting you repeatedly as he drives into you over and over again.

Your record still plays in the background, the slaps of Joshua’s skin against yours mixing with the melody along with yours and Joshua’s moans. The drag of Joshua’s dick against your gummy walls has you shuddering underneath him. Without a condom, he feels so much hotter inside of you as every vein, every ridge, every pulse of his cock can be felt with each thrust. 

“Shit, just like that, Shua!” Your neck cranes to look over your shoulder, attempting to gain some leverage against the couch cushions by leaning on your elbows. The sight of Joshua, skin flushed and shining with perspiration, eyebrows knitted in concentration with his bottom lip pulled between his teeth is enough to send you careening towards your end. You don’t get a chance to warn him before it hits you, the building pressure in the pit of your stomach releasing as you’re pushed to let go, burying your face in the cushions with tears pricking at your eyes.

“Fuck, look at you. Couldn’t even hold off from cumming again. You like my cock that much?”

“Yes!” you sob. “So much! So good…” 

Joshua pulls out, you whimpering at the loss of him, but he doesn’t leave you empty for long. Joshua’s big hands help flip you over on your back, ass almost hanging off of the couch. He grasps your thighs, pushing your knees into your chest as he enters you again, burying himself in your messy heat. Joshua’s hips drill into you, balls slapping against your ass each time he surges forward.

Your record has stopped playing by now, the only song sounding through the walls of your apartment are your sobs of Joshua’s name and his grunts as he uses all of his strength. He keeps you pinned between his body and the couch, dick battering your sore cunt as both of you chase your ends.

“Shit, baby you’re so fucking beautiful. Taking my dick like a good girl.”

“Y-yeah. I’m your good girl!”

“Yeah, you are. Always so good. Letting me fuck you raw. Wantin’ me to fill up this filthy little pussy.”

Joshua swivels his hips, tip grazing against your spongey bundle of nerves. “Just like that!”

His hands keep your legs up and spread open as he does what you beg for, repeatedly pounding into your g-spot as your eyes roll back, mouth hanging open as any more sounds die on your tongue.

“Look at you. All fucked out and drunk for my dick. Gonna pump you full of my seed, maybe even fuck a baby into you. Would you like that?”

“Yes! Fuck me, Shua!”

“Fuck yeah, I will. Gonna flood this cunt with my cum and get your belly nice and round. Gonna make you mine forever.”

The Earth shatters around you and a tsunami of fire washes over you when you cum again, your back arching painfully as you scream out for him. Your pussy clenches around him, squeezing his cock like a vice which triggers Joshua’s orgasm.

“Shit - fuck, Iloveyousomuch!” The words tumble from Joshua’s lips as he cums, painting your insides sticky and white. He milks himself as he keeps his pace, his seed spilling out around his cock, leaking out and dribbling down your ass. Feeling him stay true to his word and pump himself dry into you draws a final, much smaller, weaker orgasm out of you as tears fall from your eyes both at the oversensitivity and hearing Joshua say to you what you’ve hoped he would for nearly a year.

Neither of you move, panting like crazy as the sweat on your bodies starts to dry along with the cum still slowly trickling out of you. When Joshua finally eases out his softening length, it’s with a groan on both your parts. Your sore legs lower, limply hanging off of the couch. The sensation of the rest of his cum seeping out of your abused hole and down your legs makes you sigh, your hips wiggling in response.

“Look at you, baby. You’re a mess.” He’s still a little out of breath but still manages to tease you.

“And whose fault is that?” He simply chuckles at you and you watch him through bleary eyes, heave himself off of the couch, and go into your kitchen. 

He’s back in no time, two glasses of water in his hand. He offers you his bicep which you take, using him for leverage to sit up. You eagerly accept the water, downing the glass in less than thirty seconds, dry throat more than grateful.

Joshua’s next to you on the couch, watching you as he hydrates as well. The two of you sit in silence, emptying your cups and catching your breaths. For a moment, you worry that his confession was only in a bout of pleasure, but as if reading your mind he speaks.

“I meant it, you know. I love you.”

That’s all you need to hear to have you practically launching yourself in his lap, your lips crashing into his for a long, but sweet kiss. Joshua cradles your face, kissing you back just as hard, both of you eventually giggling into each other’s mouths. 

When you need to breathe again, you pull away just enough to rest your forehead against his. Joshua’s brown eyes shine as they meet yours, your stomach flipping as you’re reminded for what feels like the 500th time just how handsome he is. 

“I know you already took a bath, but I think we need to get you in the tub again,” he comments, gaze flickering down to the cooling streaks of his cum on your legs. And how he’s all yours.

“Only if you join me this time.”

“Only if you make time to let me take you on a proper date tomorrow night. We’ve spent a ton of time together, but I need to court you for real now.”

“As if I’d say no to you. I’m in love with you after all.” A brilliant, blinding smile takes over Joshua’s face and your heart leaps. No matter how much time you spend with Joshua, you don’t think you’ll ever get tired of laughing with him or smiling with him. And especially not dancing with him. You’ll never tire of that.

Net tag: @kflixnet

[roosterforme]

THANK YOU to everyone who sent in a headcanon request! Please comment or reblog and let me know how you feel about some of these. And if you can think of any other details you'd like to know more about, let me know!

Roo and BG

1. How do you imagine their perfect date?

Roo and Baby Girl are pretty chill on their date nights. Usually a beach walk with Tramp after some pizza is what they want. But a perfect date for them might include Roo taking BG back up to Del Mar to visit the hot sauce restaurant and the silent disco from their first date. 

2. Who is the most likely to cry when watching a kids’ movie?

Baby Girl is going to be the one in tears saying, "Why the fuck did this stupid movie make me cry?" while Roo chuckles and rubs her back.

3. Each of your pairings have a different vibe in the bedroom. I’m curious what is each roo-nicorn’s (and Bob’s) favorite position?

Roo likes hitting it from the back. I would venture to say that having sex in the kitchen with his now wife bent over the kitchen counter might be his favorite. He loved the way she fills out her khaki uniform pants from the very first moment he first saw her, so I think he really likes her ass. 

4. Where does Roo see himself in ten years? Where does BG see herself in ten years?

I love this question. Roo probably sees himself in a bit of a different role as an aviator. Perhaps dividing his time between flying and teaching. I've touched a little bit on him being a guest teacher at Top Gun, but I think that's a role he could eventually be really comfortable with. Baby Girl's career goal is to be the head of her own lab. I think she'd be happy to stay in San Diego for her whole career since she established her place there even before she met Roo. But I think I can speak for both of them when I say that in ten years, they would love to be parents. 

5. We know Roo and BG’s wedding song, but what would the song be for your other couples?

Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac

6. For your headcanon party... How many kids do Bradley and BG have?

Bradley and Baby Girl have [REDACTED]. And we will get into that even more in Always Ever Only You. 

7. Roo and Baby Girl: what are their dream vacations?

I think they would love to go back to Hawaii someday and relive their honeymoon. I also think a hot sauce/spicy food trip through South America or Asia might be in their future. I could also see them in a cabin on a snowy northern California mountainside, enjoying a bit of peace and quiet. 

Beer Boy and Sugar

1. A little Heady for Beer Boy and Sug. Favorite place to have sex in the frat house?

Kitchen counter or on the beer pong table. 

2. How many kids do Beer Boy and Sugar want to have or do they not care how many they have?

Beer Boy would probably have as many kids as Sugar wanted. But I don't see her getting pregnant again after this. It's a one and done for her, because she is very serious about her career. Peep more of this in the upcoming Grateful Dad part 2.

3. Who is more possessive, Sugar or Beer Boy?

Beer Boy. I don't think Sugar is very jealous, and that plays a big part here. Beer Boy on the other hand has shown himself to be possessive of his Sugar when it comes to certain fraternity brothers of his and certain coworkers of hers. 

4. What do you think would have happened if Beer Boy and Sugar had run into one another when she was in grad school?

Wow, okay. If Beer Boy and Sugar had run into each other while she was still in grad school... I think they would have had that instant chemistry again. I think it would have felt a bit like the beginning of Right Girl, Wrong Time when they spent the night together after their ten years apart. But I don't think either of them were at a place where they could have really made it work out, even if they wanted to. Bradley was still all over the place with the navy, and Sugar was still working at such a crazy pace to get her PhD. And I think that if they ran into each other after four years apart, they wouldn't have had that same opportunity they got after ten years. 

5. How do you imagine their perfect date?

Their perfect date is a night at the movies where they just make out through the entire thing. 

6. Who is the most likely to cry when watching a kids movie?

I actually don't see either of them doing this!

7. What is Sugar’s favourite work snack?

Beer Boy packs Sugar's school/work lunches when he's not deployed! I like to imagine that he packs her a little bento box with different things in it. I think her favorite snacks would be the fruit and nuts portions that he lovingly packed, knowing she would need some 'brain food' to get her through her day of teaching math.

8. What do Sugar and Beer Boy end up naming their future kiddo(s)/how many do they have?

Just you wait for The Grateful Dad part 2. We will learn more about [REDACTED] Bradshaw. 

9. Each of your pairings have a different vibe in the bedroom. I’m curious what is each roo-nicorn’s (and Bob’s) favorite position?

Beer Boy loves when Sugar rides him when he's sitting down. He also knows how much she likes riding his thigh and leaving him with a marked up pant leg. And surprise: he likes it, too.

10. What would be Sugar's reaction meeting Maverick after Beer Boy told her about him pulling his papers?

I think Sugar will always be a little wary of Maverick. She met Bradley when he was still pretty fresh from the catastrophe of having his papers pulled. She saw how much that (along with losing his mom) affected his time in college. Sugar would be cordial to Maverick as long as Bradley told her that they were on good terms again, but I don't think she'd ever be a big fan.

11. I know this is so random, but for your HC party, I need to know, is/ was BeerBoy the frat bro who played cornhole or the frat bro who play disk golf?

Just beer pong.

12. What would Sugar have done with her degree if she hadn’t become a teacher? What was her second choice for her career?

Sugar always intended to be a college math professor. I think that was her goal early on when she realized just how freaking good she was at math, calculus in particular. If she didn't go into academia, I think she could have worked for NASA or Boeing or even a federal research lab!

13. Does Sugar plan to keep teaching after Jerry Garcia Bradshaw Bean is born? Or have they gotten that far yet?

Sugar does plan to keep teaching. She loves it a lot, and she doesn't want to take too much time off. She's kind of lucky she got a tenured position at San Diego State University, so she can at least take a little bit of time off after being pregnant (I could go on about how the structure of the American workforce and economy is designed to negatively impact women and minorities, but I'll just leave it right there).

14. Is Sugar her honorary call sign with the Daggers? I know they all have called her that, but she’s the only one who can call him Beer Boy, so do the same rules apply? Or is she just universally known as Sugar?

Nat knew all along that Bradley called her Sugar and that he was still in love with her when he started flight school. I think she would let Nat get away with calling her Sugar, but I also think that Nat is the dagger that she is the closest with. The two women fell into a fast friendship as soon as they met!

15. Is Bradley gonna be Beer Dad now, or just the grateful dad?

You know, I think he'd gladly answer to either one of those if Sugar said it! But he is forever the Grateful Dad. 

16. We know Roo and BG’s wedding song, but what would the song be for your other couples?

Beer Boy and Sugar: Easy to Love You by Grateful Dead

17. I know deployment is covered a lot in your stories. How does Beer boy and Sugar handle it? I mean yeah they’ve been apart for 10 years but I’m sure after that it’s kind of hard for them to be separated from each other. How do they handle being separated again?

I think Sugar is a bit of a loner by nature. Being on her own doesn't particularly bother her, so she does pretty well without Bradley. She still misses him like crazy, of course, and she has a countdown to the minute he returns to her. But she spends her time alone being productive at work and having fun with Nat. Beer Boy is the one who kind of goes to pieces. He worries if Sugar is going to eat well without him at home, or keep the house clean, or remember to sleep. And he has a million photos of her over the past ten plus years on his phone that he spends all of his free time looking at. 

Coach and Kitten

1. Who says sorry first in an argument? Who can hold a grudge longest?

Kitten says she's sorry first. She will fold under that kind of pressure. After spending so many years with Danny, she turned into a bit of a people pleaser, but she's getting better about it now. Luckily Coach would never try to force her hand in an argument. He's quite patient and even tempered for the most part.

2. What about Coach and Kitten and their favorite sex position?

Coach loves going down on her. He's a pussy eating king. I'd say his favorite thing would be eating her out until she cums and then fucking her missionary until he cums. 

3. How do you imagine their perfect date?

Their perfect date is probably a night out at the batting cages with Everett. If they can get some time alone (if Bob and Molly watch Ev), a bottle of expensive champagne on the beach followed by some stargazing would be a perfect night.

4. Between Coach and Kitten, who is the "discipline" adult when it comes to Ev?

Kitten is the disciplinarian. Coach Bradley is the fun one. However, if Ev really, really needs to be disciplined because of something more egregious, I think Coach would step in. And I think Ev would definitely learn his lesson.

5. Who is the most likely to cry when watching a kids movie?

Kitten. I can see Kitten and Ev both scared or crying during a movie while Bradley has one arm wrapped around each of them.

6. So, we know Coach loves Kitten in leopard print. However, would Coach ever give Kitten a glimpse of him in leopard print? Ya know, maybe a leopard print banana hammock (iykyk)? I think Kitten would really enjoy that.

I am kind of speechless. He would look hot! I think Kitten would love it, too! And Bradley would find it kind of funny to wear it for her, but of course as soon as he knew she was into it, the thing would be on the floor. 

7. Each of your pairings have a different vibe in the bedroom. I’m curious what is each roo-nicorn’s (and Bob’s) favorite position?

I answered this one above... Coach loves going down on her. He's a pussy eating king. I'd say his favorite thing would be eating her out until she cums and then fucking her missionary until he cums. 

8. Sooooooooo, we know that Coach and Ev are getting a Phillies man cave, and it’s also the guest bedroom. Would Coach and Kitten ever consider breaking it in?

100% they broke it in before the baseball decals were fully stuck to the walls. That's their favorite spot for a quickie. 

9. What's Coach's favorite part about living with Kitten and Everett?

Coach loves that he feels included. They all take care of little things for each other that make up the big picture. He also loves when Kitten packs him lunch in a brown bag with little hearts on it. He also loves helping Ev with his homework, because he gets drawings to take to work in return. 

10. Has Coach ever told Kitten about his mom and dad? What memories has he shared about Carole and Goose if he has?

Coach told Kitten all about Goose and Carole. And he told her that he was a little afraid that he was going to fail at being a good parental figure for Ev. But Kitten assured him that he was more than enough. I think that Coach told Everett about going to Phillies games with Goose when he was tiny (he even has a photo of it). And about how Carole got him the stuffed Phanatic after Goose died. And he told Ev that he's in charge of taking care of the Phanatic now. Also, Ev starts referring to Goose and Carole as his grandparents when he asks questions about them, and it makes Bradley cry (Grampa Goose and Gramma Carole).

11. I need to know everything the Coach fam does on their vacays to Philly, including but not limited to stalking Citizens Bank Park. I also need to know how many days start with a pork roll, egg, and cheese. (If it’s not everyday then I have some concerns)

Every day starts off with a pork roll, egg and cheese bagel. They visit the Liberty Bell and do all the touristy stuff in Old City. The boys laugh at how it looks like Ben Franklin is peeing off the top of City Hall. They visit the oldest zoo in the country. Then they eat soft pretzels and tomato pie for lunch. Kitten tries some water ice. Then when they get to Citizens Bank Park for the game, they are all decked out in their Phillies gear. Coach drinks a Yuengling. Kitten has a Yards Pale Ale. The three of them share cheesesteaks and crab fries. The Phillies win, and it's fireworks night. It's the best day of their lives. 

12. We know Roo and BG’s wedding song, but what would the song be for your other couples?

Technically, Coach and Kitten's first dance was to Take Me Out to the Ball Game. But their song is Just Like Heaven by The Cure 

13. Kitten walking in on Ev when he has a girl in his room and he thought he was home alone.

Kitten would panic! It could be totally innocent. Like 16 year old Ev with a crush on their neighbor. But Kitten would absolutely panic and have a full family conversation about it that night. And then Bradley would end up having a conversation about sex with Ev which would make Ev want to die. But at least he would walk away knowing all about condoms and how to use them. 

14. Coach and Kitten: we all know that Kitten doesn't want to have another baby, but do you think that the two of them would ever consider adoption? Or is it just no more kids, period?

I don't know that adopting a child would be in their future. Kitten is so happy with Everett as an only child, and she wouldn't want to start over again with another baby. However, under certain circumstances, perhaps they would adopt.

Daddy and Princess

1. We already know that Daddy and Princess can’t get enough of each other…would pregnancy change that?

I think Daddy's hands would be on Princess constantly. He'd definitely have a bit of a breeding kink, and I think he'd love it if she were pregnant. It would probably also make him even more possessive. 

2. How is Daddy reacting if he ever runs into Greyson or the other two dimwits?

Punch in the face on sight. KO'd. 

3. Headcanon for Daddy and Princess. What is a date night like for them without Noah?

Without Noah, Daddy is going to take Princess out to a restaurant that she thinks is too expensive, but he's going to tell her a million times that nothing is too good for her. 

4. Who says sorry first in an argument? Who can hold a grudge longest?

Daddy apologizes first. Princess can hold a grudge, especially if she knows she is right. 

5. How do you imagine their perfect date?

Their perfect date with Noah would be taking him to the children's museum and then to the beach. Their perfect date without Noah would be a fancy dinner and then drinks at a speakeasy. 

6. Who is the most likely to cry when watching a kids movie?

Princess cries at all of them.

7. Between Daddy and Princess, who fell in love first and what happened to send them head over heels?

Daddy knew he was in love first. He was falling steadily in love with her as soon as he met her, but it took him a while to catch on. And he was ready to say it with intent after he rescued her from Greyson's frat house. Princess held out a bit longer, but then she just tumbled over the edge into love shortly after Bradley came clean about Meredith and the lawsuit. She was still surprised to hear him say the words, but she knew she was in love, too. 

8. What is Princess’s favourite book to read to Noah?

This is tough, because honestly she spends a lot of time reading to Noah. I think fairy tales, because Noah called her the Princess from so early on! 

9. Each of your pairings have a different vibe in the bedroom. I’m curious what is each roo-nicorn’s (and Bob’s) favorite position?

Daddy likes taking Princess so many ways. Missionary so he can watch her pretty face. Standing up in the shower is a favorite with him holding her against the wall. He also likes to make her squirt, and he knows how to do it like a pro now (overstimulation is key). 

10. Would Daddy ever consider having another baby? This time with Princess? I know they both love Noah to pieces, but is it in the cards for them?

Would Daddy consider another baby? Sign him up right now. The man is thinking about it all the time now that he's really with Princess. He'd start trying to get her pregnant tomorrow if she indicated that's what she wanted. Noah would be an amazing big brother. 

11. Do Bradley and Noah attend Princess’s graduation? Does Bradley push to the front row of seats so he’s certain she’ll see them?

Well now this is absolutely a headcanon. Thanks!

12. We know Roo and BG’s wedding song, but what would the song be for your other couples?

Daddy and Princess: Fade Into You by Mazzy Star

13. Does Princess have a favorite trait of Bradleys? And vice versa.

Princess loves the things about Bradley that perhaps he's not exactly crazy about himself? She loves that he's kind of technologically inept and likes to do things the old school way (she's kind of an old soul herself. She's very mature). She loves how bad he is at cooking, because slowly but surely, he's getting better. She loves the way he loves Noah. She loves how gentle he is. Physically, she loves his hands and his smile and the fact that he has a few gray hairs. Daddy first and foremost fell in love with the way Princess just seems to fit with him and Noah. She and Noah were like two peas in a pod, and Bradley could tell his son trusted her. He loves that she's smart and sweet, but she's not a doormat. He loves that she gives people a second chance. He loves the way she takes care of little things that he wouldn't remember to do. Physically, he loves that she looks innocent, and he loves how perfectly she fits next to him in bed. He loves that she tells him she feels safe with him.

14. If Princess could plan the perfect date for Bradley what would it look like?

She would joke that she's going to take him out to play BINGO and have a senior citizen early bird dinner at 4:00 pm. But in reality, she would plan a night at home. Sexy cooking lessons where she's dressed in basically nothing while she teaches him how to cook something, and then they eat it together. They probably have sex at that point before heading to the living room couch to snuggle and watch a movie.

15. Does Princess have a place that she'd love to show Daddy and Noah?

I think Princess would absolutely love to take the boys to Disneyland! She knows Noah would have a blast, and Bradley would probably grumble a bit before he conceded that he was having fun.

16. Princess walking in on Noah when he has a girl in his room and he thought he was home alone.

Princess would probably just ask them exactly what was going on, making both of them blush as they responded. She would stand in the doorway with her arms crossed until they both shuffled out of the room, and then she would have a long discussion with Noah. She'd also tell him he needs to keep his bedroom door open.

17. Rooster and Princess: what was the moment that they knew that whatever was between them was love?

I think for Daddy, watching one of the interactions between Princess and Noah was the first time the word LOVE was triggered in his mind. I think for Princess, the first time she heard Bradley say he needed her, she could feel it start to bloom inside her.

Bob and Molly

1. As a Mobaholic, I must know…how do you think Bob would react to seeing Molly in maternity lingerie?

Bob goes literally bonkers over the way Molly looks, even when she's wearing her scrubs after a work shift. So lingerie is going to make his jaw drop. Maternity lingerie is going to make him feral, because he is SO excited to be a dad and raise a child with her.

2. Why is Molly so insecure about Bob? Why does she have so low self esteem?

Molly is very outwardly secure with herself. She's beautiful, and she kind of knows it. Guys like her. They always have. But as far as relationships go, she always thought she didn't have much more to offer beyond a face and a body that got the job done very well. She never had a guy appreciate how funny and smart she is until she met Bob. And that made her feel very insecure inside. She was instantly afraid that the other shoe was going to drop at any minute, and that Bob would realize that Molly was just a pretty, disposable thing without real substance. Because she never really gave herself the credit she deserved as far as her personality and spirit were concerned. But let me count the ways... Molly is: hilarious, caring, honest, trustworthy, intelligent, hard working, loving, loyal, strong, empathetic, warm and so many other things besides physically pretty.

3. How do you imagine their perfect date?

Bob feeding Molly sushi in the bed of his truck at an outdoor concert just after sunset.

4. Who is the most likely to cry when watching a kids movie?

Molly sobbed at the Lion King with Ev, so I'm going with her!

5. Each of your pairings have a different vibe in the bedroom. I’m curious what is each roo-nicorn’s (and Bob’s) favorite position?

Bob's favorite position is whatever Molly feels like treating him to. She's adventurous in the bedroom, and he didn't know how much he was going to love that until he experienced it. If he had to pick, he would say he likes it when she rides him cowgirl. He also likes uniform time and domming her.

6. We've seen a little bit of Molly and Kitten's family life in both The Batting Practice and the Curveball. And we've met Piper and Bob's sister and family as well. But what was Bob's childhood like? How has that changed what he looks for in a romantic partner?

Bob grew up on a ranch in Wyoming before his family moved to San Bernardino, CA. He's the baby sibling behind Rebecca and Rachel, and he was always a little bit of a reserved misfit. He liked being outside and keeping himself company more than anything else. As far as what he wants in a romantic partner as an adult... I'd say Bob is used to being overlooked. When he catches someone's eye and they let him know he's something special, that really is a surprise to him. So being with someone who wants to show him off and tell him how wonderful he is makes him happy. He's also going to look for someone who is smart and honest. I'd say those are his top two non-negotiables. 

7. We know Roo and BG’s wedding song, but what would the song be for your other couples?

Bob and Molly like to argue about this. She thinks All Day and All Of the Night by The Kinks. He thinks You Really Got Me by The Kinks. Same band, different songs.

8. Bob and Molly: what was the thing that first attracted them to the other?

If we are being completely honest, Bob almost fainted the first time he looked at Molly. He just thinks she's that beautiful. And then she was looking right back at him, coining the term Coach Cute Glasses right away. So he was surprised to find that beautiful Molly was biting her lip and grinning at him. Molly thought Bob was adorable. Tall, strong and handsome, but so gentle with the tee ball kids. And when she could make him blush a deep crimson without doing much of anything, she was hooked. 

Other

1. What do you love the most about Baby Girl/Kitten/Molly/Sugar/Princess?

I LOVE THIS! 

What I love most about Baby Girl: She is so unapologetically smart. And she lets herself feel all of her emotions and form her own opinions. She is a good friend. She doesn't change anything about herself to fit what someone else thinks she should be.

What I love most about Kitten: She is the best mom to Everett, even though she doesn't give herself enough credit. She juggles so many things so elegantly. She takes care of the people she loves. She works hard.

What I love most about Sugar: She knew what she wanted in her career, and she really went for it. She is reserved and thoughtful, but she's still bold. She works tirelessly as a college professor, because she cares about her students. She gives second and third chances. She is fair and loyal.

What I love most about Princess: She is sweet and gentle. She is instantly likeable. She is young but not immature. She's an old soul. She can take whatever she's given and work it into something special. She has a great imagination. She always tries to find the good in people. 

2. Each of your pairings have a different vibe in the bedroom. I’m curious what is each roo-nicorn’s (and Bob’s) favorite position? Also, I wouldn’t hate it if you answered this question for BG’s Jake, too.

Okay, okay. Alright. We haven't seen this from Jake per se, but I can tell you a little bit anyway. Jake in the Roo and BG universe has a bit of a reputation. He's a rake, similar to how Roo was. He has hooked up with a lot of the women on base, and he's not really trying to hide or deny anything. In bed, he likes to sit back and enjoy things. That's not to say he's not an active participant, but he definitely is one who is going to make his partner feel like the star of the show. He talks a lot in bed and is encouraging. He prefers his partner on top. He also likes doggy style, getting his lips and his encouraging words right next to your year. "You're doing great, darlin'."

3. We saw roo get a bit more dominating in part 4 of “a love you don’t find every day” (which is one of my favorite scenes across your series’ ). do you think any other universe bradley’s would ever try this with their respective partners? or would roo ever try that again with bg?

Hey! I loved that chapter! Roo would absolutely try that again with BG. I think Daddy would love to get a little rough and demanding with Princess, too. I would love to explore that. (We have also seen how much Bob loves to dom Molly in The Curveball).

4. OMG what are the coaches' walk up songs???? And Everett’s?? And Kitten and Molly’s if they had one???

This is so important to me:

Coach Bradley- Panama by Van Halen

Coach Bob- Raise Your Hands by Bon Jovi

Kitten- Centerfield by John Fogerty

Molly- I Want Candy by Bow Wow Wow

Ev- Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO

---------------------------------------------------

Thanks to @mak-32 for the banner and @beyondthesefourwalls for helping me with this. Check my other Roo and BG HCs here. And check my masterlist for more! Tagging some usual suspects and those who sent in asks:

@sylviebell

@wkndwlff

@ryebecca

@cherrycola27

@becks-things

@beccaanne814

@inmyloveworld

@sometimesanalice

@princessofglitterland

@startrekfangirl2233

@thedroneranger

@dakotakazansky

@daggerspare-standingby

@baby-alien11

@desert-fern

@cassiemitchellrecs

@mayhemmanaged

@greatszu

@trickphotography2

@tvjunkie08

@shanimallina87

@xomrsalliej4787xo

@xoxabs88xox

@fanboyswhore9

@lyn-soso

@hisredheadedgoddess28

@mandylove1000

@cottagecori

@chicomonks

@pinkangelavenue

@diorrfairy

@just-in-case-iloveyou

@bradshawsbitch

@je-suis-prest-rachel

@semperhuggs

@whisperofsong

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

@sagittarius-flowerchild

@abaker74

@fudge13

@ughthisisntright

@lt-spork

@boringusername3

@na-ta-sh-aa

@pono-pura-vida

@kmc1989

@atarmychick007

@sweetwhispersofchaos

[cherrylng]

Matt Bellamy interview - Muse [ROCKIN'ON (December 2000)]

"If you ask me, our first album was a youthful rock experience at its ultimate limit….. Thanks to that, we've now reached a point where we don't even want to know what happens if we keep going."

So where are these horrid kids headed now that they've buried the ‘first Muse’, who froze the whole of the UK with their unbelievable live performances and insane falsetto? Matthew Bellamy, 22, talks about his next ambition!

Interview: Erica Yamashita / Photography: NAKA

Muse's performance at Akasaka Blitz on October 14th was a speedy one hour and 12 minutes long performance with 18 songs. There was no encore. At the end, Matthew rolled around at the feet of drummer Dominic and started messing around, waving his hands and disappearing to the side of the stage, and then bassist Chris went around destroying the drum kit one by one, so there was no time for an encore. But that was also a happy ending, with Matthew whispering something to the two of them just before. Matt was waving his guitar around a lot, but it was only the first day of the Tokyo show, so I guess he was thinking that he couldn't smash it here. Instead, he ran around the stage.

The show on this day was also very loud from the beginning. To be honest, it was a bit rough. Of course, as usual, their performance was impressive, but they seemed a little slack and were trying to intimidate others with their strength. The two ballads in the middle of the show, sung by Matt, sitting beside Chris with an acoustic guitar, completely changed the wavelength. Interestingly, what followed was a stage full of shadows and storytelling, even though it was a fast and loud world again. There was a relentless pull that is the essence of a Muse show. An unidentifiable energy emanates from Matthew, who is tiny even in Japan. A mass of emotion that you find yourself unable to take your eyes off.

Some have expressed concern about the future evolution of Muse, saying that they are too technically accomplished for their young age, that they are doing stage actions that are like rock conventions, and that they are becoming musically stylised. However, 22-year-old Matt Bellamy is wavering. This was his third visit to Japan in seven months, which inadvertently confirmed his wavering and self-examination. He has all the talent, technique, and brains. He has both desire and confidence. I would like him to soar into the second chapter of Muse, which is as bold as he can.

"With "Showbiz", I wanted to destroy purity and innocence. But on the next album we're going in the opposite direction."

Last night's gig was really intense (laughs). 「Yeah. I admit it. Sometimes we have gigs like that where we just blow it from start to finish. It depends on the mood of the moment.」

What was your mood like yesterday? 「Well, I was a bit confused and restless.」

Oh, why? 「Haha…… I had a lot of interviews and stuff during the day, so by the time I got on stage, a lot of things had built up inside me. Also, I changed the set of songs since yesterday.」

I see. You played four new songs, didn't you? 「I think three, to be precise. The opener was a new one and an old one that we did as a test for this tour.」

That was a very hard opener. Are the songs for the new album almost complete? 「Yeah, almost. The songs themselves are done, we just need to decide what form we want to take with each one. When we go into the studio, we listen back to everything we've played live and change the details and decide on the arrangements and instruments. I think a couple of the songs will be harder than any of the songs on "Showbiz", but overall I think there's a wider range. From the hard stuff to the softer, more subdued songs. There are at least two very mellow, emotional, and quiet songs. There are also about three songs that are not disco or dance music, but are more like early 80s electro-pop, with a lot of synths.」

One of these songs, "Plug in Baby", already has a title and was played yesterday. It sounded hard live, but it's quite a melody-driven number, isn't it? 「Yes, yes. We've already recorded that one. That one, and the one that doesn't have a title but starts with the keyboard that I played yesterday, we've finished recording those two songs. "Plug in Baby" is quite hard on bass and drums, but I think it's very melodic in its recorded form, including the vocals.」

By the way, what's a Plug In Baby? 「Hehehe…… (chuckles to himself). It can mean a few things, but, er, it might be a little strange…… There are various systems, like governments and big companies, and the idea is that the handful of people at the top of those triangles are all connected and have huge control. There are many smaller triangles in the world, and I am at the top of a very small triangle called Muse. And I'm learning what control is. What kind of influence can I have on the band members, on the crew, on the recording site, etc.? How my ideas flow through all these different people. And eventually, when the record comes out and people start talking about it. Some people take the time to raise their children and spread their influence. At the moment I don't want to have kids at all, but instead I can come up with ideas and concepts about the situation and observe how they flow through people and how things change.」

Does that come from the recognition that controlling what and how is a big issue in being in a band? 「Originally someone was trying to exert control over me, telling me to do this or say that. I've learnt little by little how to stand up to that and make the situation happen the way I want it to happen. That's one theme. But there's also a slightly weirder theme in the song "Plug In Baby", which is the theory that the people who run the big governments and royal families and stuff are not actually living things on Earth (laughs). It's not so much that they are actually people, but that forces we don't know about are controlling their thoughts. People at the top are always targeted and manipulated by these mysterious forces. I don't know if it's true or not, and I know it sounds stupid, but it happens sometimes. It's like you're being controlled by an uncontrollable force, or a creature, or something.」

Hmm (laughs). In our last interview, you mentioned that you sang a song in which you put yourself in the position of a young mother. Have you finished that? 「Yes, but it hasn't been recorded yet. It's just guitar and vocals at the moment, and I'm thinking about how to incorporate the band into it. I think I'll use a very quiet, acoustic guitar, and maybe a harp…… or some kind of tuned percussion. I'd like to make a sound that somehow conveys a sense of childhood happiness. But I haven't really settled on a concrete idea yet.」

Do you have any other thematic trends for the new songs? 「There are two or three songs, and the lyrics are about someone who I really love and want to love because of their personality, but at the same time I feel envious and jealous because the ideals they have are so pure…… I've got a song that goes something like this. I think the songs on the next album are very meaningful to me when I sing them now. But I also felt that way about the songs on the first album when I wrote them. So, well, I think it's normal for my feelings about songs to change over time.」

Is that feeling of envy for the ideal of perfection in others something that's been on your mind recently? 「Hehe…… For example, I think there are people who listen to Muse's music and get a sense of pleasure, but there are also people who find it painful and unbearable to listen to. So…… Hmmm (laughs)…… I think that's true. For example, if you didn't know what human sex is, you might think it's very painful to hear the voices and noises, right? But it's not like that, it's just a pure expression of humanity. But I think for some people it's too graphic or unacceptable or something like that…… Um…… Well, that's a matter of course (laughs). Well, what I was trying to say about ideals is that sometimes you meet people who aren't broken at all, right? They believe in certain things even when they grow up. It can be something very simple, like family ties. My parents divorced when I was 13 and I think that's the way it is, but some people don't know what it's like because they haven't been through it themselves. You're talking to someone and their reaction is that they don't know about it and they don't want to know about it. They don't want to hear about it. Well, that can't be helped. I think that if you don't have to see everything through in reality, that would be the best thing. Sometimes it's better to be able to believe in something like a dream.」

When you come into contact with something so pure and innocent, do you admire it and want to be like it? Or can't help wanting to destroy it? 「Oh yes…… I admire them and want to be one too. Probably. I think on the first album I was more of a person who wanted to destroy it (laughs). But on the next album, I'm going in the opposite direction.」

I always feel that way. I feel that you have a duality or two extremes in you, and that you just can't seem to separate the two. 「Yeah. Yeah, that's true. There's a part of me that always sees both sides of things.」

On the one hand, you want to believe in something really pure and good, but on the other hand, your experiences have made you feel that you can't? 「Another example of this ideal is religion. Something unscientific. I really think how nice it would be if, when you die, you could believe that you're going towards something. I wish there was something like that. Maybe there is, I don't know. But I can't believe in anything that isn't true, no matter how I try…… hehe…… But I wish I could. And maybe I can make myself believe that.」

It feels like that frustration and irritation is transforming into the extraordinary heightening of Muse's music. 「(laughs)…… It's like that for everything. It's also about life itself. Like love. I just can't believe that you love someone and you think it's going to last forever. For anyone.」

"Right now I'm choosing to do caricatures of rock. I think I'm still trying to figure out whether that's a creative situation or not."

I was struck by the fact that you said that your ideal gig experience would be one where you could experience imaginary death on stage, the ultimate ecstasy… 「I mean, I'd like to do more of a theatrical performance. But I still don't know how to incorporate that element and put on a good show. One possible way would be to go out on stage and change costumes and scenes to suit the mood of the songs, so that each song is a theatrical experience. Then each song would be closer to an extreme experience, and there would even be an experience of death in it (laughs). I'd like to do some theatrical performances, not just rock geek stuff.」

Even today, is there a certain amount of drama and theatricality in Muse's performances? 「Yes, that's what I'm trying to bring out. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's a mess. Because sometimes you get into one character and you try to change into a different one, but it doesn't work. That's why I take a lot of time to decide on the setlist. Sometimes it determines the success or failure of the stage. Sometimes, depending on how the songs are arranged, I can't change the mood right away.」

How was last night, by the way? 「Hahaha…… Hmmm. Well, I think the middle part went well, very well. But the beginning and the end, I don't know, maybe it was a bit muddled. The middle part was focused and went as intended, and I think I was able to express what I was feeling about the song really well. Especially "Falling Down" and "Unintended".」

Ah, that ballad spot. Actually, something changed there, or rather, it became easier to understand what you were trying to do. After that, when you went into the storm again, it felt like you could see the flow. 「Oh, really? For us, it was totally the same. Especially with "Unintended", there was a feeling that you don't get very often. Most shows we're like, we slowly build up and get intense, then drop off and get intense again, but last night it started out intense, dropped in the middle, and then built up again at the end. So from the beginning I was in a whirlpool where I didn't know what was going on, and when it finally got quiet in the middle, I was able to calm down and grasp the situation, and I was able to return to that state.」

I see. You play with such tremendous energy that sometimes you get sucked into it and can't quite get yourself out of it. 「Hehehe…… Yeah.」

Are you at all worried that what you're doing might be perceived as a caricature of rock? 「……No, I don't think so.」

And what do you think spares you guys from being seen as caricatures? 「That's…… The fact that I know and have allowed myself to look that way, you know. It's something I've wanted to do. Yes, I think I've deliberately gone that way at some gigs and stuff. But I also know that I can always do something completely different. Other than just playing rock music. I can go in any direction at any time. But right now I'm choosing to do something like a caricature of rock. Because I want to try it. I want to know if it's really a creative situation. I think I'm still trying to figure out if it's a good thing or not.」

Destroying instruments, running around the stage, that sort of thing? 「That was probably the last time I did that, last night.」

Hmm. I've heard that before. 「What, did I say that?」

Not exactly, but something similar. 「Pfft. I see. I might have said that (laughs).」

I'm not criticising you, because even though there are some elements of that cliched tactic, Muse's stage is… 「(interrupting) No, but I agree with you. If I was in the audience, I would feel the same way. But everything I do, I do it because I want to. And I don't really think about whether other people will see it and think it's stupid or not. I do it for my own learning, and I'm still in the learning process. I don't think you can really decide if you want to be that person until you've experienced certain things. Sometimes what you see in people's eyes may not be my true nature, sometimes it's just something I'm doing on a trial basis. Sometimes, when I want to do something like this, I apply the idea to my surroundings and experience the situation. And it's something that, as I said before, you can stop at any time and move on to a different situation.」

Do you really want to stop performing like that, even if it wasn't just last night? 「But right now, I'm riding the acceleration of the first album, so it's hard to stop. We've done a tremendous amount of touring up to this point, and no matter how you do it, you have to become a caricature of rock ‘n’ roll. Life on tour has an effect on both the mind and the body. It's difficult until you cut it off somewhere. I'm trying to do that in November, when this tour is over.」

While you've written a whole new set of songs, you've also been re-experiencing the B-sides of your first and previous singles almost every night on stage. How do you feel about those songs that were released over a year ago? 「I still think they're good. But they've developed into something very different from the album version. It's changed so much over the course of the tour that it's become very extreme. But actually, most of the songs can be played just acoustically. Not for the next album, but at some point in the future, I'd like to release an album based on acoustics without using any electronics at all. Really, my main goal is to try different approaches. Our first album is about youthful rock taken to its limits…」

(laughs). 「There's always the temptation to want to know what life is like at least once. And then to experience it yourself, to experience touring this hard, including all the stereotypical aspects of band life. I've done that too, and thanks to that I've reached a point now where I don't want to know what's going to happen if I keep going like this…… ahaha……」

"As musicians of the same generation as our audience, we are shining a light on the extreme emotions of living in these times. I think that means how to accept yourself as you are."

(laughs). If you're done with the extreme rock of your youth, can you give us a preview of the tone of your next album? 「Everyone keeps asking about the new album—」

Everyone wants to know. 「Yeah, I know. No, I mean it's hard to predict the future, because if you try to force it, you get accused of being different in the end.」

What would you like it to be, in your opinion? 「Hmmm…… Music always reflects how I'm feeling at the time when I'm making it. So I'm sure it will be an honest reflection of how I've been feeling over the past year or two. What I care about more than anything else is honesty. I want it to be as honest as possible about what I'm feeling and what I want to say. I can't really say what that's going to be like until the moment the album is finished.」

You said that since you started writing again, you've lost all sense of who you thought you knew completely before, the path you were on, etc. Does that feeling still persist? 「I've recorded two songs and I've calmed down a lot (laughs). I'm still writing songs, but two or three months ago I was working so hard on them that I didn't know what was going to happen. But once we started recording and rehearsing and playing a few shows, I knew where I was going. I was able to explain "Plug in Baby" a little bit, like I did before. But I didn't really know what the hell I was talking about until I recorded it. I also want to do the artwork for the next album myself, and I've got some ideas for that now. So I'm thinking that after this tour, which goes from Japan to Australia to Scandinavia to Dublin, I'm going to go to the countryside for a couple of weeks in November, where I won't see anyone, to chill out a bit and really think about what I want to do and how I want to do it.」

When you say you don't know where you're going when you're writing, does that mean you don't know where you're going in life itself? 「Yes, it can be like that. You know, when you're writing a song, you just let your feelings out, it's a totally subjective state. I don't try to be objective about myself at all. But in general I try to be objective, most of the time. I keep my distance and think about what I'm doing. The only time I don't do that is when I'm writing songs. That's the only time I go inwards and get closer to myself.」

In a way, it's time to allow yourself to do that. 「Yes, yes, that's right. And in the process, you can't explain your own behaviour. In interviews, you probably try to interpret them as someone else's work, to understand the meaning and background, just like you do.」

Hmmm. Does the act of looking at your own work and creative activities objectively in this way help you? 「Yes, I think so. Trying to be objective…… I mean, I don't think it's good for the mind to be in a position like mine and be subjective all the time. This job can turn even good people into bad people.」

From that point of view, I sense a mysterious duality within you, or rather a sense of balance. 「(laughs) Well, I try to be as careful as possible to be like that.」

You look like you're on the verge of jumping off a cliff, but at the same time you seem to have learnt from history and have the good sense not to do anything really reckless. 「……There were some bad moments. I think. I did some things that I'd like to pretend later that they didn't happen. I mean, mistakes, you know. But basically, that wasn't my intention. Because, after all…… I don't want to die, haha…….」

You mentioned last time that you would ideally like to change the producer of the new album with each song, but how is it progressing in reality? 「Yes, that's reality, hahaha. I've finished two songs with Dave Botterill, who worked with Tool and Deus, and we've got two more to record. That's as far as I've got with him. Then we're going into sessions with John Leckie as well. For the first album, Paul Reeve recorded a lot of the demos and Leckie re-recorded them, but this time we're going to do a session with Leckie alone and record five or six songs. If that goes well, we'll probably continue and do the whole rest of the album with him. But Paul Reeve is not much older than us, and he's very innovative in his ideas and approach. Last time, I asked Leckie to join because he was still inexperienced, but I'd like to record a whole album with Paul someday. Maybe I could be a co-producer then.」

You're already used to playing to every size crowd imaginable, from clubs to festivals, but do you have any set goals for future success, such as how big a venue you want to play at? 「Well, for the next album we'd like to take it to a bit bigger level than what we're doing now. At least in Europe/USA we want to aim for 3-4,000 people. Then we'll do a show based on some kind of concept and see how it goes. But after that, I'd like to keep the audience size small again. I'd also like to be a bit more selective with our festival appearances.」

I heard that you played at 48 festivals this summer alone? 「I heard so (laughs). That's what I've been trying to figure out about the future, whether it's going to work out that way or not.

When I saw you guys on stage in Reading and at the gig yesterday, I thought that there is an overwhelmingly Muse generation audience. It's different from both the Radiohead generation and the Oasis generation. So what do you think your music speaks to and gives to these people? 「Yeah…… I think…… I think that artists of that generation, be they musicians, film directors or whatever, are reflecting back to them what they see around them. It's a reflection of the times. That's why I also…… (laughs) I'm shining a light on the ultimate emotions of living in this era. In other words, I think it's about how we accept ourselves as we are.」

Translator's Note: I actually like what I've scanned so far with this issue. I mean, Matt's blue eyes with his fading blue-dyed hair? Cute 💕

Please do support me on my Ko-fi! ☕

[sakurangelll]

Intuitive message: Why do you have to be proud of yourself?

it's a general message so take what resonates and what doesn't just let it go.

choose the image with which you feel most connected/attracted

pile 1

Feel proud and thank yourself for having made the decision to be more free, for giving yourself the opportunity to be yourself. i feel that you have come out of a very negative atmosphere, you came out of a mental environment where you cared a lot about what others thought of you. you freed yourself from all those people who hurt you in the past. one day you just woke up and said “you know what? i'm gonna live my life in the way i want to. my life, my decisions”

I notice that you are a person who is a party person haha ​​and i am not saying this as something negative, your energy is like the energy of a concert. the vibes you give me:

Be proud that you have learned to be your best company. you understood that there is nothing wrong with being "alone" (i don't know why at this exact moment i had a deja vu🤯maybe it's a sign for you)

I feel like you go on dates with yourself. you are not an introvert but you are not an extrovert either. i feel like you started going to a lot of concerts/festivals/parties since you decided to get ahead of that negativity. feel proud because with each step and decision you make, you are growing more.

The angel numbers of this intuitive message:

★ Angel number 1133. the number 13 is the number of lunar cycles that take place each year. Angel number 1133 indicates that we may benefit from aligning ourselves with the feminine power as an example for our conduct.

★ Angel number 145. your angels want you to realize that the changes you’ve been hoping for are about to happen. you are about to receive the rewards of your hard work. angel number 145 calls on you to make certain changes to your way of life. you have to let go of the old so that you can create room for newer, fresher energies.

Things that may resonate with you:

disco ball . maneater by nelly furtado . sexyback by justin timberlake . without my by eminem . blond hair . roller skates . y2k music . ibiza . spain . los angeles california . pay hard by david guetta . britney spears .

pile 2

You give me a loooot of vibes of being a witch, you don't necessarily have to be one, that's just the energy you project. you like to go to nature, you talk to flowers? you like to dance in the forest, your aura can be orange or purple. you have black or wavy hair, you wear a lot of long skirts, you wear a lot of rings with quartz/stones and you generally have your nails painted black. if you are a witch, you work a lot with plants, herbalism comes to mind. the vibes you give me:

You have to be proud of the magnificent style you have when dressing. i feel like you already know that haha. (personally I want to dress like you🖤) you are working on having and projecting an image that you feel proud and comfortable with and you are achieving it.

Also feel proud to be growing magically and spiritually, for growing your powers and talents. you like astrology, you work with the phases of the moon? (btw, today January 6 is world astrology day)

The angel numbers of this intuitive message:

★ Angel number 444. the number 4 is associated with determination, professionalism, and hard work, as well as completion and totality.

★ Angel number 234. go ahead and learn as many new things as you can.

Things that may resonate with you:

stevie nicks in general but specially her song edge of the seventeen . bohemian rhapsody by queen . 🦦 . the name “sam” . arctic monkeys . call me by blondie . 1973 . rosemary . rock music . abba .

pile 3

I feel like you're working on your shyness, and creating new habits? you are starting to do yoga/pilates, to eat healthier, to connect more with your inner self, to have a more peaceful mind. you have to be proud that you are creating healthy habits.

I feel that you are a person who likes poetry? you like to read, you like rain. you really like going to places that are surrounded by nature. you like lakes, rivers or waterfalls. the vibes you give me:

If you are working on your shyness i don't think you are doing it to be an extrovert, you are doing it to embrace your shyness/seriousness. you are realizing that there is nothing wrong with not being as open or sharing much of your life. you are at peace with yourself.

Angel numbers of this intuitive message:

★ Angel number 1234. this is the message guardian angels are sending you, to elevate your spiritual life. seeing angel number 1234 is a wake-up call for you to expand your comfort zone, to be brave and courageous for claiming what you desire.

★ Angel number 222. it is a number that guides you to move forward in harmony and faith as you build toward your soul’s desire.

Things that may resonate with you:

watermelon . mystery of love by sufjan stevens . “call me by your name” movie . fairy . european jazz . un bacio a mezzanotte by quartetto cetra . ain’t that a kick in the head by dean martin . alors on dance by stromae . je te laisserai des mots by patrick watson .

pile 4

You have to be proud because now you see your studies/school in a different way and by that i mean that you are giving the seriousness and the necessary/correct working hours to your studies. i like that despite that you are also taking time for yourself, you are not saturated with your studies, you know how to manage your time very well… although it was hard for you to be patient with yourself and not demand so much at work, you also know that a grade does not define how smart or good you are. you are beginning to have new strategies for studying?

You study business, history or tourism. the vibes you give me:

The angel number of this intuitive message:

★ Angel number 333. the number 3 is a highly creative and joyful number that signifies every aspect of the creative process, from inspiration and growth, to manifestation and completion.

Things that may resonate with you:

teddy bear . orange . everytime by ariana grande . wine . tennis . stupid love by lady gaga . ddu-du dud-du by blackpink . new jeans . kpop . 2007

[tomorrowxtogether]

Tomorrow x Together Talk Rocking Out, Voguing and Why They Loved Making Their New Album (Exclusive)

The K-pop stars had a ball sampling genres from new wave to metal on their latest release, 'The Name Chapter: FREEFALL'

The themes of Tomorrow x Together's latest album may be about facing the realities of adulthood, but making it was a sweet indulgence for the K-pop stars — and listening is sure to be one for their fans.

The 10 tracks on the group's third full-length album, The Name Chapter: FREEFALL (out Oct. 13), represent an almost shockingly diverse range of genres, from indie rock and new wave to disco and metal. Yes, metal.

Getting to experiment with their sound and break out of some pop stereotypes, they say, was their favorite part of the process. "We really love to try out new genres and I think that's why a lot of people are enjoying our songs," Hueningkai, 21, tells PEOPLE.

"I think nothing's more fun than experimenting with a new genre. We don't want to be confined to a single one," Taehyun, 21, adds. "I think we have our own team color and we can put our color into different genres, so I want to go down this path and keep on trying new ones."

The five-member group — which also includes Soobin, 22, Yeonjun, 24, and Beomgyu, 22 — have dabbled in more rock-influenced songs in the past, in particular on The Chaos Chapter: FREEZE, which spawned the head bang-worthy "0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You)." But the opening track of FREEFALL, "Growing Pain," goes much harder.

The five-member group — which also includes Soobin, 22, Yeonjun, 24, and Beomgyu, 22 — have dabbled in more rock-influenced songs in the past, in particular on The Chaos Chapter: FREEZE, which spawned the head bang-worthy "0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You)." But the opening track of FREEFALL, "Growing Pain," goes much harder.

Their latest single, "Chasing That Feeling," is just about the antithesis: a driving, synth-filled '80s pop track that would feel at home as an OST for Stranger Things. The song also provided the group with the opportunity to try out another new genre — this time, in dance.

"For the choreo of our lead track, we added some voguing into the dance. I think that was a new challenge," Yeonjun explains.

"Back for More," their collaboration with Brazilian superstar Anitta, has a decidedly disco vibe, which they were able to showcase at the MTV VMAs in September. While they were "a little bit nervous because we were performing our pre-release song for the first time," says Soobin, he got a boost of confidence from a famous friend.

Bebe Rexha, who was also in attendance, and Soobin become friendly after realizing they were mutual fans. So when his nerves flared up at the award show, he says, "Bebe would smile at me, and it felt like somehow she's rooting for me without speaking. I think I kind of relied on her and I was very thankful for her energy."

Their most memorable performance of the summer, however, was likely in Chicago, where they headlined Lollapalooza, a festival they'd performed at for the first time on a smaller stage just last year.

"I think it was very meaningful that we got to showcase our songs and our music to a bigger crowd. It's our second time around, so I think we had more fun and we were enjoying the stage more," Hueningkai says. "I remember that [the fans] were using their flashlights on their phones to make the light for us, so that was something that I will hold dear to my heart."

The group involve their fans in every part of their work — not just when performing in front of them, but keeping them at the center of the creation of their music as well.

While the members were involved in composing and writing the songs on this album, as they have for their previous releases, one track stands out as incredibly personal to the group: "Blue Spring," a song composed for their fans, known collectively as MOA (for Moments of Alwaysness).

"I wrote the track for the song, and all of the members participated in writing the lyrics," Beomgyu says. "I think that's why we could really tell MOA it's about how we feel about them. I think it's really special that we get to write our own songs and talk to MOA straight out of our hearts."

The Name Chapter: FREEFALL is available to stream now.

[barbieb0y]

song of the tulips.

DAY 7 YAYYYYYYYY we going out with a bang here people. this is probably the longest one ive written for this event

today, i went with a crown of flowers upon the head + picnicking among nature’s beauty + a dance of blooming roses ! okay that last one is kinda untrue bc i wrote about tulips instead bc apparently theres a tulip garden in san fran and it's amazing bc tulips are my fave flowers. crazy

this is actually a sequel to my day 2 entry ! you dont have to read that one to get this one but you'll get the references i put here if you do!! also a little disclaimer this one is kinda suggestive. nothing too wild, just a joke and a subtle nudge but yeah. if i could write smut i wouldve done it for these two believe me (not for this week/event but in general)

enjoy what may be my last uppercut fic for a while. thank you scrunkly week for enabling me and my selfship these past few days, you have NO idea how much this means to me 🥺

Queen Wilhelmina Garden is fairly far from where they reside in Haight Street, especially if they are to ride there on Joe’s bike. Luckily for the couple, Joe has a rare moment of pure genius (yet a common moment of money spending for Paper Cut).

A peaceful smile creeps onto Paper Cut’s face, relieved that his lover took his advice to heart. It’s not uncommon since Joe sort of sees Paper Cut as the all-knowing doctor but it does well to remind himself that the biker is as stubborn as Paper Cut himself.

“Wow, you actually bought a car this time around.”

And beautiful it is. Paper Cut does notice something about it though.

“Yeah! Look at her – beautiful, ain’t she?”

“Considering it’s the exact same model as the car you rented that weekend in summer, I’m guessing you got emotionally attached to that car.”

Joe lets out an awkward laugh then falls silent, and so does his smile.

“...We don’t talk about that car.”

Right on the money, Paper Cut thinks. He’ll humor his boyfriend.

“Anyway, shall we get going then?”

A smile that can rival the sunshine instantly makes its way to Joe’s lips.

“Last one to get in the car is a rotten egg!”

“And soooooo Sally can wait…”

“She knows it’s too lateeeee as we’re waaalkin’ on by~”

It’s full-on karaoke mode in that freshly-bought car. Though Paper Cut always insists he won’t sing along (“I’m not as good as you.” “It’s not about being good, babe, it’s about having fun!”), a part of him subconsciously makes him belt out to radio hits either way.

“Man, I love music.”

Paper Cut’s confession prompts Joe to let out a hearty laugh. The freedom in Paper Cut’s singing voice is already proof of that fact but it’s nice to hear it from the man himself. Then Joe has a flashbulb moment.

“I oughta take you out to the disco sometimes.”

“Oh God, no thank you. Too many sweaty people dancing in one small, dark room sounds like a nightmare.”

Joe often attempts to drag Paper Cut into social situations knowing he won’t ever do it himself. As introverted as he is, he’s still a social creature as far as Paper Cut’s concerned.

Joe had expected this response. The reasoning is just a bonus. But his spirit is not broken so easily (which is merely a delicate way of saying he’s stubborn).

“When you put it that way, it sounds like one! Don’t worry baby boy, I’ll make sure you’ll have a good time.”

Paper Cut falls into red, bashful silence at the phrase “baby boy”, cursing himself for being so weak to pet names as such, but especially that one. Joe only smirks, knowing his victory is sealed. After a minute, Paper Cut sighs.

“Okay, but still, I don’t dance.”

Well, now he’s just straight up lying, Joe thinks.

“You did yesterday. I saw you.”

Joe genuinely thinks this is a good argument – it would be if it weren’t for the fact that Paper Cut was not made aware of this fact.

“It is very not nice to peep on people!”

Paper Cut gives Joe’s shoulder a light hit, the blush never leaving his face. Joe manages to scratch the back of his head in shame with one hand.

“Yeah okay, but you looked like you were having a good time!”

“Keep your hand on the steering wheel, dammit!”

The two keep on bantering for the rest of the journey, the radio karaoke forgotten entirely.

They wouldn't say the idea of having a picnic here is anything original but they definitely expected less picnic blankets strewn about. But it's a pleasant sight – friends, couples, families, even individuals are out here surrounding themselves with nature's beauty with sandwiches in hand.

Thankfully, despite the amount of people, the couple still manages to find a spot for just the two of them, a little ways away from the rest of everyone else just in case Paper Cut gets too anxious (and in case Joe wants to initiate some “socially unacceptable” PDA – the two tries not to lament on the fate on couples like them too much).

They start unpacking their lunches – fried rice and fruit juices courtesy of Paper Cut, mineral water and (of course) sandwiches courtesy of Joe.

“Man, you’re out here serving us food like we’re kings meanwhile I just brought us plain-ass water and peanut butter jelly sandwiches like we’re kindergarten kids.”

The exaggeration pulls out a laugh from Paper Cut.

“C’mon, it’s not that serious. As long as it doesn’t kill me, I’ll put it in my mouth. And no, that’s not your cue to joke about you-know-what.”

A pout makes its appearance which Paper Cut ignores in grace, continuing to set up their little picnic spot with a little hum of a radio hit on his lips. With gentle sunlight and the scent of newly-bloomed tulips embracing the couple, Paper Cut feels like he’s a budding plant himself.

They start digging into their food; Joe sees this as a prime opportunity to gossip about the going-ons of their neighbors and the neighborhood kids while Paper Cut relishes in people-watching from their place.

At some point, Joe, being the kinaesthete that he is, gets up to walk around the garden but not without a quick heads-up to Paper Cut. Paper Cut, on the other hand, takes this as his cue to dominate the picnic blanket and lie down as if he’s making a snow angel (a picnic blanket angel, maybe). He soaks up the sun while he can, before he eventually retreats into his “man cave” as some locals have described his residence.

He tries to gain some inspiration from the springing of mother nature that surrounds him. Grass greener than the other side, the rows and rows of tulips in different hues reminiscent of a Holland rainbow, laughter tickling his sensitive ears, and skies as blue as his lover’s gentle eyes. Paper Cut never thought it was possible to feel this alive. Should this even be a bandage? It is an emotion so heavenly that it may transcend corporealness.

“Enjoying yourself, arent’cha?”

All things come to an end, yes, but beautiful things can begin right after. Joe snaps his boyfriend out of his trance with his teasing voice and the beautiful skies he has for eyes. In addition, he comes bearing gifts, which he then proceeds to rain down on his boyfriend who’s in the process of sitting up. Literally.

“What the–”

He is met with a shower of flowers and their healthy green stems, in which he tries to shield his face from by dropping his head and raising his hands, forming futile gates. Joe giggles and as he sits down, utters a quick apology for the prank. Paper Cut doesn’t take his teasing to heart but he pretends to sulk anyway, prompting his lover to elaborate on the sudden appearance of flowers separated from their fields and gathered on their picnic blanket.

“There’s a bunch of stray flowers around so I just hoarded them for no reason. But then this really nice lady taught me how to make flower crowns for them so that kinda took a bit of my time. You don’t mind, right?”

Paper Cut gives his lover a small laugh at his recount of his little walk. It’s difficult to get mad at this guy.

“Not at all. It’s very ‘you’ to already be making friends out here.”

Joe guiltily rubs a hand on the back of his head either way, offering an apologetic smile. His boyfriend merely shoots him a knowing glance.

“So lemme guess… you wanna try making flower crowns with me?”

Paper Cut starts to fiddle with a flower, staring at it curiously. He doesn’t have any kind of flower crown knowledge or experience so it’ll make for an interesting activity.

“Yeah! We can make them for each other!”

Joe is beaming once more. If the sun ever feels like retiring, Joe can easily fill in the vacancy.

“Haha, alright then.”

Well, at least he can say he tried his best?

For a first attempt, he’d say it’s not that bad. His demons are fighting amongst themselves to whisper in his ear that it could’ve been better while Paper Cut himself basks in the simplicity of having had fun making the flower crown.

“You finished?”

Paper Cut looks up from where his crown lay in his lap at the question and merely nods, a bit shy to show off his creation. Meanwhile, Joe raises his own like a well-earned trophy.

“Ta-da!”

The boundless wonder in his eyes can only make Paper Cut smile tenderly, matching the demure nature of the flower crown Joe made – all pale pink and yellow tulips, it’s a color combination that Paper Cut thinks is spring itself.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you.”

That is all he can muster up to say aloud. There is a proud twinkle in Joe’s eyes that eventually transitions into an affectionate one, once he places the flower crown on his boyfriend’s head.

Paper Cut is as red as the flowers on his lap now and he averts his gaze out of embarrassment. A light chuckle escapes his lover’s lips but he doesn’t say anything else.

“W-Well… I made this. It’s not as good as yours but…”

The blushing boy somehow manages to mutter and, still without looking at his lover, outstretches his hands to show Joe his flower crown. It is a dance of crimson tulips, and Joe can feel Paper Cut’s deep love and passion in his creation.

“Cut… this is the prettiest thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Aside from you, I mean.”

That manages to bring a laugh out of Paper Cut, his embarrassment subsiding slightly. He rises to his knees as Joe leans down to aid him in placing the crown on his head. They both laugh this time and Joe makes the first move to revert to his original position, allowing the flower crowning ceremony to resume.

They then proceed to gaze into each other’s eyes, both enamored by each other and unsure of what to do next with all this tension. But as usual, Joe initiates – once the two of them are within suitable proximity, he leans in for a delicate kiss. Paper Cut takes a second to overcome his shock and then reciprocates.

The world around seems to dissolve as they kiss and as Joe shifts to lay Paper Cut down. The former leans down once more to plant more kisses which the latter returns with no hesitation. Mother Nature sways in a sudden breeze, as if to shield them from prying eyes.

It is until Paper Cut lets out a little noise that clarity hits him like a truck. He instantly puts a hand between his face and Joe’s to stop him from continuing.

“Okay okay okay, I think that’s enough. We’re in public, remember?”

He insists as he watches Joe’s consciousness snap back into place as well. Joe only sighs, whether satisfied with their little love session or discontent that he was interrupted, Paper Cut doesn’t know. But it’s a reminder much needed for the both of them.

“It’s easy to forget when I’m around you, really.”

This time Paper Cut only rolls his eyes in amusement. His lover truly takes any chance to charm him to death.

“Corny.”

Joe guffaws as he pulls Paper Cut to sit up together.

“You like it though.”

Paper Cut lets out a brief “hah”, now leaning on Joe’s shoulder. Joe follows suit.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

They enjoy each other’s company for the remainder of the afternoon until they eventually have to head home (“Actually, can we stop by a mosque on the way home? It’s getting kind of late.” “Honey, you should’ve told me earlier, I’d hate for you to miss your prayer because of me!”). More bantering and singing ensue in their little car, with the addition of another kissing session once they’re actually home. But perhaps, home is wherever and whenever they’re together.

Spring is the season for the new, and the flower crowns that adorn their home walls mark the beckoning of a new chapter for the couple.

[constellation-sapphic]

I got tagged by @h3adph0nez for this song game!! Thank you!!

POST 10 SONGS THAT YOU WISH YOU COULD LISTEN TO FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL OVER AGAIN, AND SHARE

First and foremost: the song I've listened to the absolute most this year, the song I most closely and cathartically associate with my old religion and the stuff I've learned about it since leaving- Suburbia Overture!!

When I was a little kid I was taught that you'll always be with your family if you get to heaven- but to me that meant didn't mean immediate family, that meant my entire ancestral line, and if they're all gonna be with their entire family too, then heaven MUST be some sort of massive suburbia. When I first listened to this song I needed to sit and think for a little bit, then I proceeded to replay it for... ever. I think I've listened to it multiple times a day since then.

NEXT SONG and there won't be so much backstory for the rest of these lol

Gender and gender expression exploration vibes, I like listening to the demo version too :) there might be a lot of Will Wood on this list

Found it during my emo phase in freshman year of highschool, listened to it again recently for the first time in a while and I almost cried AGAIN. Not gonna put it on this list but I can't listen to MCR's The Light Behind Your Eyes because it makes me feel an unhealthy amount of Grief. Honorable mention though.

Such a pretty song. So full of longing to pause time and stay in a moment forever

Goofy and uplifting and comforting :) 'I'm not behind I'm at my own pace' type of feeling

2 NSP songs!! This one is just goofy and fun to sing but damn you Danny Sexbang for having a voice range that goes higher than mine

Without the plot context it's a very sweet and sad song that encapsulates the love I feel for my little sister (who is on her Mission now) and the struggle I have voicing that love and being open with her. Multiple times we'd be singing show tunes in the car while I'm driving and I have to skip this one or I'll start crying

Fucking ow. This song makes me think of my roommate and their loss of their mother but how do you give someone a song like this. How do you tell them "I cried for your grief" One specific line of lyrics was the last words they heard from their mother.

Love a song that I can alter to match my vocal range PERFECTLY. It's been on repeat in my brain for the last week

Will Wood rounding out the end of it, this song was on repeat as I was driving to my ADHD test because I was so anxious if this would be the one that I get diagnosed in. It was!! Also just really fun to sing and within my voice range (thank you Will Wood for almost perfectly matching my voice range)

Here is where I'll tag a few people, no pressure to participate at all! Descriptions are also not necessary I just have a lot of Feelings and Thoughts about the stuff I listen to lol

@pacificroses, @nepheloid, @chaotic-murder-gremlin, @gohavefun, @knittypicky,

[flamemittens]

Favourite Songs Game!

Tagged by @defira85 to share some of my favourite songs I am listening to at the moment. I could go on forever, but I'll confine it to 4 :)

I am a huge fan of this band and have a few of their songs on my Durgetash playlist, but I think this one is my favourite. The lyrics are pretty perfect for the pairing (for me personally), I mean:

In my civilisation, you're the king and the queen I'm praying at your altar, if you know what I mean Yeah, everything I've been missing You've been serving up in your kitchen

I'll admit this band is a reasonably recent-ish discovery for me, can't remember exactly where I came across them, but I'm glad I did for sure. 'Spectator' is another song of theirs I am listening to at the moment, but this one, 'Vampire Disco', is described as a song about temptation, self-destruction and a dangerous relationship, so, yeah :)

You're keeping up a breakneck pace I like the way you say my name You're stirring up a brand new age I want you to know Yeah she's a death wish

I've been listening to this song for years, it is so so good. It was originally released in 2011 I believe, and later was the debut single from his 2013 album 'The Golden Age'. I actually first heard it on the Assassin's Creed: Revelations trailer, which remains one of the coolest video game trailers I've ever seen. I don't play the AC games myself, but I used to watch my husband play and Ezio Auditore is one of our favourite characters. This song is also on the Durge playlist.

A soldier on my own, I don't know the way I'm riding up the heights of shame I'm waiting for the call, the hand on the chest I'm ready for the fight, and fate

Just love the vibes of this one. It's about the difficulties of anxiety, self-doubt and not fitting in, and being your own worst enemy, and the headspace you get into in those moments. I think she was 16/17 when she wrote it.

The silence is so loud The lights spark and flicker With monsters much bigger Than I can control now

Thanks very much for the tag! <3

[bookwermthings]

My Jack Harkness Playlist

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the post where I explain my Jack Harkness playlist and how my (currently) 73 songs relate to him and his life!

This will be a long post. Spoilers for Torchwood, and for the audio Mighty and Despair. You have been warned.

Also the songs are mostly in chronological order of his life events.

Also sorry for the inconsistency between lengths of descriptions for each song. I was determined to finish it all in one night, but I got tired and started using less effort to explain. Took me over two hours to make in the end. If you have any questions, I’d love to elaborate on my feelings for any of the songs!!

So, here we go!

1. Jack’s Love Theme

(this is such a beautiful theme) Ever since a young age, Jack has expressed love deeply, loved everyone with his whole heart. Until his heart gets broken by his guilt at the loss of Gray and he keeps everyone at a little more of a distance, and further down the road after that, keeps everyone at a distance because he is immortal. For Jack, love and life are the two constants

2. No Roses by The Builders and The Butchers

For this, I have @ultraviolet-eucatastrophe to thank! This is an amazing song for Jack’s childhood, losing Gray, and in general his relationship with Gray and I love it a lot.

3. American Healthcare (Glitzy) by Penelope Scott

The lyrics to this give me the feeling of being stressed and traumatized but joking about it because it’s the only thing you can do. Wanting to help people and keep people alive but realizing that everything is corrupted. This brings to mind Jack in the Time Agency years to me.

4. You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate

This is a very simple song that I believe showcases Jack’s tendency and ability to charm anyone he meets.

5. YES MOM by Tessa Violet

This is a song that encapsulates Jack’s vibe in the Time Agency. He loves himself (or at least pretends he does). He can be his own hype man. If not doing terrible, he’s at least doing well compared to later.

6. Weak by AJR

Jack being a lot like John in these days, drinking, partying, drugs, the whole lot. Sure, it’s bad for him, but he doesn’t care. Not enough to do anything about it.

7. I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper by Sarah Brightman, Hot Gossip

I included this one because John Hart had to claim it was their song, and I fell in love with it. It’s a good song to reference John and Jack’s relationship, along with this next one.

8. Teeth by 5 Seconds of Summer

The John vibes! The Jack and John vibes! Their relationship can be encapsulated in these lyrics, really, the whole song would have to be quoted if I started quoting it. I love it!!!

9. The Funeral by YUNGBLUD

Jack is not taking care of himself, not at all, as shown by the beginning of the song. He’s not eating right, not sleeping right, has no clean clothes. He hates himself, he loves himself, he tells himself it’s alright that he dreams about the day he dies. This is Jack after the Time Agency. He believes that if he dies, no one would come to his funeral, so he is doing everything he can to distract him from that fact, doing con after con. Until Rose and the Doctor show up.

10. Build a Bitch by Bella Poarch

Kind of out of order but a good song. I love the message, and Jack would definitely have this kind of attitude if someone criticized him.

11. Michelle by the Beatles

A soft, old fashioned love song. Jack in a heartbeat.

12. Die For A Night by YUNGBLUD

Thoughts Jack had before he met Rose and the Doctor, that would become very ironic as he later came to see. 

13. Victorious by Panic! At The Disco

A happy day. The day that everybody lived. Encapsulating a feeling of unhealthy happiness that would eventually become something new with his newfound Friends.

14. I Think I’m In Love by Kat Dahlia

The moment he falls in love with the Doctor and with Rose are both so early on, and they hit him so hard, he doesn’t want to admit. But he does. He’s happy.

15. CASTLE OF GLASS by Linkin Park

Feeling insignificant next to how amazing his partners are sometimes, but realizing how much better they all make each other. Realizing who he is is alright. A song about holding each other up, showing each other how to be whole again.

16. Talk To Me by Cavetown

Feeling like he can be himself, Rose and the Doctor reassuring him about all his faults, being there for him. Being able to talk to each other. Nothing is easy, it will never be, that’s alright, let it out, talk to me.

17. Two Birds by Regina Spektor

Jack and The Doctor. Two birds on a wire. The Doctor says there is nothing he won’t understand, says he won’t let go of Jack and then he FUCKING LIES. He leaves him, and doesn’t come back. This song is feels. This event is feels. Uergh.

18. Why Am I Like This? by Orla Gartland

Jack, left on the Game Station, and down on the planet below after the first few deaths, wondering what he did to deserve this, and wondering why he is like this. Thinking through every word he ever said, everything he ever did. Why did the Doctor leave? Mistakes on loop inside his head.

19. Alien Boy by Oliver Tree

He feels like an alien among the human beings in the 1800s.Sure he was a time agent, but he’d never had to be among a different time period for this *long*.

20. Wishful Drinking by Tessa Violet

Wishful thinking while he’s drinking. Dying repeatedly, drinking himself to death, thinking about how he could drown? None of it’s a problem if he doesn’t get caught. He’s sprialing.

21. Tubthumping by Chumbawamba

A slideshow of death. He gets knocked down, and he gets back up again.

22. Captain Jack - Short Mix by Captain Jack

He gets “conscripted” by Torchwood. This song is happy and sad. At least he’s found a way to get to the Doctor again - wait. It’s also just a really catchy song. I found it when watching video edits.

23. WWIII by grandson

Being in World War I and World War II he just feels so, so tired of death.

24. Which Side Are You On? by Pete Seeger

It’s an old song. It feels like a Jack song. Idk why, though, sorry. And I felt like he could really use a union with how he was treated.

25. Being Alive (from “Company”) by John Barrowman

A soft, slow song about being alive, about being hurt, about living. Celebrating being alive, because he’s starting to live again.

26. Cat’s In The Cradle by Harry Chapin

Having Melissa/Alice. Fearing she would grow up just like him, but loving her all the same. The pain as she grew older and he couldn’t see her anymore. Hoping she was better off without him.

27. Ur Gonna Wish U Believed Me by Cavetown

Jack after Alex kills the whole team on New Year’s. The 21st Century is when everything changes. You’re going to wish you believed me.

28. The Trick by AJR

He lies. He omits truths. To everyone. His trick is he can be anything he pretends to be. But one day he’ll run out of lies, one day he’ll run out of things he’s proud of. One day he’ll have to face the truth, that he’s screwed.

29. We’ve Got A Score To Settle by The Dear Hunter

A Torchwood badass song, once Jack is the leader of Torchwood, he’s hurting but he’s getting better. They’re doing something together, and he’s going to make a change. Torchwood has had so much blood on their hands, and so has he, and he’s going to do everything he can to fix it.

30. Girls/ Girls/ Boys by Panic! At The Disco

Something to spice things up. To me, in this playlist, this is about pride, and its origins and how Jack celebrates it after living through so much of the time where you could be hurt, killed, arrested for being gay. I should write a fic about that, really.

31. Riptide by grandson

He’s done bad things to good people, been caught up in it and these feelings for too long. He’s had to make so many hard decisions that no one else has had to make and sometimes they come back to bite him in the ass.

32. Torchwood Theme

This is where the show starts in the timeline of this playlist. So I put this theme here.

33. Tissues by YUNGBLUD

He knows he’s falling in love with Ianto. He knows this will end in tragedy no matter what happens but he also knows they both want, Need, to be loved. He can’t keep holding his breath on this forever.

34. Carried Away by Passion Pit

Just being so happy, being with his family slowly growing closer together. Getting lost in the feeling. 

35. Bike Dream by Rostam

Another Ianto love song. There is a Jack he does see and a Jack he doesn’t see, but Jack loves him so, so much. There is a side of Jack he might never get to meet. Not Yet. Not until after he comes back from the Year That Never Was.

36. Who We Are by Imagine Dragons

Another badass Torchwood team song. This is who they are. 

37. Voodoo Child by Rogue Traders

This is the Master’s song that he plays, it haunts me, and it might haunt Jack, as everything about that year does.

38. Gagging Order by Radiohead

A feeble protest against what the Master has been drilling into him form the very beginning - “I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not your property, no matter what you say”. He feels like he’s just a body after so long of hopelessness, of death.

39. All Time Low by Sam Tsui

Thinking of Ianto, during his year away. Maybe Ianto dies in front of him. He’s at an all time low. He can’t fix his pride, he can’t fix anything.

40. Amsterdam by Coldplay

Everything is terrible, everything is painful, but you know what? Time is on his side. 

41. 50 Ways To Say Goodbye by Train

A good fun, upbeat song, about all the different ways one can die. Possibly also how Ianto feels about Jack leaving for months right after coming back to life and kissing him.

42. Twenty Twelve by Matt Maeson

Wanting to stay with Ianto forever, adjust to adjusting forever. Wanting to open his heart to him, but knowing how hurt Ianto feels. Knowing he can’t leave anymore, now that he realizes what is here for him. He can act like his act is together, but in the end, Ianto sees through it, and will patch him together.

43. Tightrope by Michelle Williams

A Jack/Ianto love song about wanting to follow Ianto anywhere, knowing he can’t. Knowing it’s dangerous, never knowing when it will end, but it comes with a breathtaking view.

44. Yesterday Was Hard On All of Us by Fink

About the episode Meat. That day was hard on all of them, so stressful, and bringing back traumatic memories for Jack. Probably bringing back cannibal memories for the rest of them, too.

45. Walking The Wire by Imagine Dragons

Honestly, pretty similar to Tightrope, but I like it. More emphasis on the danger, and dealing with everything as they get to it.

46. Wanted by Hunter Hayes

He wants to make them feel wanted. <3

47. Two by Sleeping At Last

Giving up everything, not taking care of himself, to protect everyone else around him. Everyone he loves. Two.

48. Undisclosed Desires by Muse

A careful, loving, sexy song for Ianto Jones and Jack.

49. The Ballad of Ianto Jones 

I love this one so much, and it breaks my heart.

50. This Is Gonna Hurt by Sixx:A.M.

He always knew it was going to end but as the 456 say those dreadful words he realizes how short it really was. This is way too soon, and ironically, there is nothing he can do. This is gonna hurt.

51. All The Angels by My Chemical Romance

Blaming himself song.

52. Take It All Back by Judah & The Lion

“I’d take it all back, take it all back, take it all back, just to have you” I laugh sob every time this song comes on…

53. What I’ve Done by Linkin Park

54. The Unforgiven by Metallica

55. Wrong side of Heaven

All three of these (53,54,55) are about Jack blaming himself for everyone’s deaths. Tosh, Owen, Ianto, Steven. I couldn’t just pick one song, sorry. He spends a long time feeling guilty.

56. You Or Your Memory by The Mountain Goats

Starting to grieve in a more healthy way.

57. Used To Haunt by The Mountain Goats

All his old friends are always welcome in the hallways they used to haunt now, whether the memories or painful or not, he’s just glad to remember them.

58. Jack, You’re Dead! by Joe Jackson

When he doesn’t respond, when he doesn’t even initiate flirting anymore, he feels more dead than if he was, and he doesn’t care. But also this is a really fun song!!

59. Don’t Feel Like Feeling Sad Today by YUNGBLUD

Deciding that today, even if he is sad today, he is not going to sit in it. He is going to start living.

60. Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park

Breaking the bad habits he has built up in all the years since Ianto’s death. It’s hard, it is oh so hard, but he needs to. No more drinking just for the sake of it, no more dying just for the sake of it. He is breaking the habit tonight.

61. A Thousand Years by John Barrowman

Loving people and remembering them for a thousand years or more. It’s hard, but he wouldn’t want to forget.

62. What’s My Age Again? by blink-182

Honestly it’s about the mood of the song, and the name. He forgets his age, really does it matter? He should act his age, but really does it matter? He should live, and love, and do what makes him happy.

63. 42 by Coldplay

This was originally the 42nd song… anyway, this for me references him living on the planet he lives on in Mighty and Despair, trying to find a way through the veil. Those who are dead are not dead, they’re just living in his head. There must be something more.

64. Wild Sage by The Mountain Goats

A soft nice song about the first while when Carla and Persis are there.

65. Good King Wenceslas by The Oxford Trinity Choir

Christmases with Carla and Persis. A good reminder that life can be good.(for those not in the know, Carla and Persis are from Mighty and Despair, a Lives of Captain Jack audio)

66. You Are Enough by Sleeping At Last

Feeling like he is enough, those simple words can do so much. Helping Carla and Persis to see that they are enough, too.

67. Don’t Go by YUNGBLUD

Realizing that Persis is going to grow old, is growing old, not wanting her to go, not wanting her to leave him, almost not being able to handle how close they’re all getting.

68. Woke Up New by The Mountain Goats

The first time in decades, in thousands and thousands of years in a way, that he had woken up alone. It hurt, it fucking hurt, and he didn’t know what to do. Just… read all the lyrics to this. Please. IT FITS THIS SO WELL I’M GOING TO CRY. “What do I do without you”

69. You Are A Memory by Message To Bears

A slow, soft song about the fact that everyone he has ever lost is eventually nothing but a memory, and even that might fade.

70. MEMORIES by YUNGBLUD

Wanting to let go of the painful memories. Knowing every time he falls asleep he will wake up alone. “Cause when I said forever, I meant forever.”

71.  Yellow by Jodie Whittaker

Appreciation for mortal beings. Made of skin and bone, but they are so beautiful.

72. Welcome To The Masquerade by Thousand Foot Krutch

Jack Harkness is not happy yet, but he is way less sad.HIs life is a constant cycle of loving, losing, and learning to love again.

Being loud and proud about not being ashamed, not being afraid, not being ok. About everything that he is and is going to be.

73. Way Less Sad by AJR

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How Carly Rae Jepsen Found Strength And Freedom With New Album 'The Loneliest Time': "It's Surrendering To Everything"

On her fifth album, 'The Loneliest Time,' Carly Rae Jepsen dances her way through the "hard-hitting lessons" of life — celebrating growth as both a person and an artist.

Grammys • Lior Phillips • Oct. 20, 2022 • Photos: Meredith Jenks

"Rather than free falling, I'm free-flying," Carly Rae Jepsen says, the warmth of that untethered freedom radiating in her smile. That artistic liberty fuels the pop star's fifth studio LP, The Loneliest Time. 

The album weaves in and out of pure danceable joy, but with the lyrical prowess of a pop artist who has fully embraced every emotion she feels — even if it doesn't spawn a feel-good earworm. With a catalog full of delightful hits like "I Really Like You," "Run Away With Me," and "Call Me Maybe," Jepsen felt it was time to stop trying to figure out her place in the greater pop landscape and just chase the songs that felt right in the moment — and that felt true to herself.

But thanks to Jepsen's pop genius, The Loneliest Time still brims with memorable hooks and candid emotional resonance. There's the sweet and earthy "Western Wind" and the sincere soft folk of "Go Find Yourself or Whatever." Add in the epic title track's expansive disco strings and sloping melody, and it feels as if Jepsen has explored the full spectrum of both pop music and human nature.

"I feel a little less constrained by this idea of what type of pop I'm making," Jepsen says with a calm certainty. "My loneliness made me do some of the bravest and craziest and wildest things of my life. And I loved the reactions that it caused, because they're so dramatic, and I felt it was worthy of an album." 

With The Loneliest Time, Jepsen isn't denying or rejecting her past, nor is she ignoring it. This isn't Carly Rae Jepsen reinvented, it's Carly Rae Jepsen in this moment. That's a powerful step for any artist in pop, a genre prone to pigeonholing stars, especially after a runaway hit.

Ahead of the album's release, Jepsen spoke with GRAMMY.com about the emotionally empowering process of The Loneliest Time, maturing as a pop star, and building genuine longevity.

Do you have any tricks for keeping yourself focused and healthy on tour? Personally, I now judge my day by how much water I've had.

So funny, this age that we're in. We've started so many different clubs on this tour. One is Book Club, where we all get ourselves scooched together reading on the bus. We wanna read Dracula for Halloween month!

We also started this thing with me and Josephine, my glam girl, Scott, our merch guy, and Chris, our tour manager, called Water Club. When we see each other we're like, "Have a water". We literally are just helping each other stay hydrated on the road. What does that say about touring in your thirties, that we started a group called The Water Club? 

I can only imagine that reflecting on and comparing to how you toured in your twenties is an interesting experience for you. 

I've always felt a little like I'm floundering in the good graces of some luck that came my way. That "Where am I?" energy is always with me. But I do feel like this era, being 36 now, and almost 37, I do feel more confident and excited and a little less shocked all of the time. It's kind of registered that this is my life. Which is great. 

If anything, I just feel a little bit more purposeful with every decision. A little bit more confident, even with our stage show. I play it like a little boss lady within the group dynamic that we have, where I used to ask questions like, "Why do we do it that way? Could we do it this way?" Having enough meetings to get to the bottom of things that always were big question marks for me. That part's really empowering and exciting.

Lyrically, there is this acknowledgement throughout The Loneliest Time that the softer, gentler version of you is still accessible, even when you're tapping into larger, more powerful emotions. You alluded to intention earlier, which is so appropriate.

Definitely. This album is very much about taking away the things that Scorpios love, the controlling factor or whatever. It is surrendering to everything — whether happiness, love, hardships or grief, taking on the full experience of life and not trying to avoid any of the hard stuff, or fast forward to the good stuff. It's feeling all of the things. 

This is what this album really was for me, but that's also very much in line with what my life experience has been over the last few years while working on this. It's a lot of hard-hitting lessons about all of that growth.

Carly Rae Jepsen via Instagram: THE LONELIEST TIME 💌 Oct 21. I’m quite fascinated by loneliness. It can be really beautiful when you turn it over and look at it. Just like love, it can cause some extreme human reactions. Preorder now. 💖🖤🌛🍇

I love that you started the album with "Surrender My Heart". When moments are intense and you surrender to it, things are just so much clearer.

Absolutely. It was a very true sentiment when I first started going to therapy — for a lot of reasons. My whole family had dealt with a ton of tragedy all at once. You know that thing, when it rains it pours. I felt like that really happened to us, and my solution to it was so pragmatic. "I'll go to therapy, she'll tell me how to be tougher in life. I will leave with an extra layer of skin and armor and I'll just know how to handle things because life's gonna get harder. I fell apart, let's fix me." And it was just so enlightening to be there in the room. After one session I was like, "Here, take all my money." [Laughs]

She said, "Maybe you need to soften up. Maybe you have to feel all the things." It's so funny, because I'm sitting there being like, "Wait, I wrote an album about being in touch with your emotions. I should be in touch with them." But no, it's still hard to take it in all the time. 

I was kind of avoiding some of the experiences of life. And I don't think that's how you get to feel any of the highs or the lows. Being less frightened of both of those things can make you feel a little bit more stabilized. You continue on without denying any of the highs or the lows as they happen. That's a really huge part of it for me. 

I see other people who walk through life just doing things that I admire so much. I have a girlfriend right now who's going through some big grief and every time I hang out with her she's just like, "I'm sad." And I'm like, "Cool, well be sad with me. Let's be sad and have a sad day together." Just seeing her being brave enough to do that makes me feel braver when I'm having an off day. 

There's power in not wanting to fix everything at every point. And while I don't necessarily think it stems from control, it can stem from this sense of perfection and ideas that we've all been sold, which you cover a lot in your music — of how things are meant to be, how love is meant to be, and sometimes it isn't.

Yes! I think that tension between how it's "supposed" to be and what it is, there's some real dissonance in there that gets to be worked out. But if you can let go of how it's supposed to be and just be really accepting of how it is, I think you're off to a good start.

Emotion was about fusing together everything you had learned on Kiss and Tug of War, and Dedicated started going into heartbreak and creating that new story. Now that you're on your fifth studio album, where do you feel like you're at now? What was the guidepost for you while writing the album?

Rather than free falling, I'm free-flying! I feel a little less constrained by this idea of what type of pop I'm making. Is it '80s? '70s? '90s? Am I sad or happy? What am I emoting as a message? It's like, screw all of that. At this point, being 10 years into the business and change, I am a woman. There are many different things I feel. I can be very playful, I can be hurt and resentful and confused, and I can also have a disco ballad that's five minutes long, and indulgent, and is my opus. And all on the same album, because I contain multitudes. 

I believe that people are ready to expand this pigeonholed idea of what a pop artist can be, which is a genre that's very tricky to break out of the mold of. You can be all of the things. And I've felt that desire in this genre that is so playful in the types of music that you can do. 

But I wanna also break the perception of, "Am I the sexy pop artist?" I just don't wanna have to fight that fight anymore. For The Loneliest Time, the main theme of it is just loneliness and how that can cause such extreme reactions within you. Because my loneliness made me do some of the bravest and craziest and wildest things of my life. And I loved the reactions that it caused, because they're so dramatic, and I felt it was worthy of an album. 

I was less concerned with, "Are they all gonna fit?" and a little bit more excited that they would be as diverse as they were meant to be — and to let the songs speak for themselves.

There's this intriguing blend between pure fragility and super confidence. You just sound like you're having the time of your life. 

Thank you. I really overwrite. Even last night I was with my A&R talking about what we could potentially consider if we were to do a B-side [record]. And we were laughing, like, "Let's bring up the folders again." 

So much thought goes into these things. It's a little bit of a Beautiful Mind mapping. By the time I'm done I'm like, "Oh my God, I seem insane." But it was a method to the madness, and I swear I feel that way every time. When I know it feels done and the order feels good, it was some puzzle I had to unlock. But as much as I'm like, "This is not cohesive," it, to me, is meant to be together. 

Maybe I rebel because of having a song like "Call Me Maybe". I've just so desired to be [putting] all of my attention into being an album artist since then, not a single artist. And that's maybe why I put out B-sides that aren't even counted at the label. They're just gifts.

There's something of a gift with The Loneliest Time, too — people are really coming to understand that you want to be understood. I like the immediacy here. 

Thank you. You know how you can only gush to certain people about the things that you're secretly really excited or a little proud of? I almost feel guilty saying that word, like it should be shameful. But I'm embracing it. Like, "What am I happy about?" I said it to my boyfriend last night, because we just did the final cut and color [for a video], and I'm like, "It's so lovely." 

You can look back on a career with nostalgia, and like Björk said once, "I don't wanna be a nostalgic artist." I really loved that. I love that we're constantly pushing forward, especially for a woman in pop music. 

There was a time where I thought, "It's a young woman's game." So for me to be 36, almost 37 and feel like I'm about to put out my favorite video of my career? It's not so much about anything other than the growth. I've learned how to communicate. And to have the trust of a team at the label now.

It took me a long time to have that confidence, but also to feel like I have a team of people who trust that we can do this together. We can find the right pieces. For the first time in a hot minute, I was like, "Well, I don't wanna be stale. I don't wanna just be putting out music because I'm chasing a thing that was a dream when I was a teen. I'm just as invigorated and as excited now. Why not take all the lessons I've learned and keep growing?" 

For pop artists that I look at — there's a few, like Cyndi Lauper — but I would love to be a part of that catalog that gets to have some longevity with this thing. That'd feel fantastic. That's my secret goal and I'm saying it out loud to you.

I appreciate that, and when you are having fun — the raw, pure, sugar-rush fun — even in a song that covers really wobbly moments, your artistry has legs. It makes the listener excited for what's to come. 

You're so right. Joy is the spot. I had a child come into a VIP Q&A session, and she asked, "Do you write when you're sad or when you're happy?" And I was like, "It's interesting because when I'm sad, I wanna eat a tub of ice cream and do nothing." But I know that there are artists that go to those places they wanna emote to get through. When I get out of my sadness is when I might be able to start talking about my sadness. Then there's a spark, a curiosity I have about it. 

I think that's where "Bends" came from. I think that's where "Surrender My Heart" and "Go Find Yourself" [came from]. My creativity is sparked around a really limitless possibility, a free-flying feeling where you're like, "I'm here to catch this feeling in a way and document it." And it does feel quite joyful.

You have this ease and comfortability because you use pop as an escape, to a degree, but you're also not running away from these feelings.

Oh yeah. I think that's a real difference with even how I'm looking at shows lately. It was, "Come to my show. We're gonna forget how scary the world is for a night. I'm here to help you." And now I'm looking at it in the way that I experience the best shows that I go to. 

I recently saw James Taylor and I said to my boyfriend, "Just so you know, I grew up on James Taylor, and he's this link between my divorced parents. I'm gonna cry a lot, Maybe I'll be fine." He hadn't seen me cry, so I was thinking it was gonna be super embarrassing if it happened. 

I make it through the first half of the set dry-eyed. And then [James] comes out and he's like, "Fire and Rain," "Sweet Baby James," "The Secret of Life." And my neck is wet. It was just a wet neck situation. [Laughs]

[My boyfriend] was putting his arm around me, and James was telling these stories, and by the time it was done, I was like, "I'm so sorry. I can't stop." There was clearly some stuff I needed to feel. 

"The Secret of Life" is the last song that my mom heard in the car the day my grandmother died. I wasn't there because of COVID, but I knew that experience. So I got to feel some things in a safe place that I needed to feel, really safely, really comfortably. And it felt wonderful. I had been needing that night. And it was so cathartic that when I left, I felt 10 pounds lighter. 

That's what the best, most joyful experiences can make me feel. When I saw David Byrne's "American Utopia," my brain got twisted about what a concert could be. Holy s—, I felt better about life. I thought, "God, I've been looking at this all wrong. I've been thinking my job is to help people escape, but what if my job is to help people feel whatever it is they need to? Or a little bit of both?" 

That's where I got the idea for the moon mascot who comes at the beginning of our show on this tour and goes, "Tonight is for you to feel what you need to in a safe place, to escape if you need to." Hopefully it can be that for some people. 

Feeling the confidence that you can be the type of artist that you look at and are inspired by, that's the ultimate achievement, right?

It is the best feeling. That's the dream, the goal. Some joy, some happiness, but also some real in-touch-ness with yourself, and maybe some sadness too — all in a cathartic way.

[spellscribe]

Random Tag Game

I was tagged by @tmsbooks, I’m new to tag games, and you’re only the second person who has ever tagged me so thank you!! 

1. Last song

Old Witch Sleep and Good Man Grace by the Amazing Devil. I had someone knock at the door and had to switch off right at the good bit (if you know the song, you know the bit)

2. Last show

Show? What kind of show? I went to a concert 20 years ago with Powederfinger and Yves Klein Blue, it was amazing. I once saw Pirates of Penzance with John English, and it was also amazing. 

3. Currently watching

IDK if you can call it “watching” but husband is watching The Last Of Us, and I’m sitting next to him, listening to the good bits, hiding in mahjong on my phone when it gets scary or tense. Which means I missed all of the sad episode (yes, I google for spoilers), and about 80% of the rest of the show. It’s really good though!

4. Currently reading

I binge read ACOTAR for the first time and finished it at 1am this morning. I did not want to enjoy it that much. I’m probably not going to sleep until I finish the series :D I’m halfway through Nona The Ninth though it feels like I’ve read a whole book’s worth. Usually brain benders annoy me but I’m having so much fun with this series. I really would like a book where it all makes sense again though, where it’s just Harrow and Nav being adorable murderous idiots.

5. Current obsession

Um. Nothing? I’m kind o fjust keeping my haed above water and it’s taking all the spoons I have right now. Normally it’d be a sewing project (though I do need to make a tree costume, it’s what 8 wants to wear to the school disco) and a bag for someone. Or it’d be LOTR but I’m between movies and trying not to deep dive while I am also decorating, because then I’ll have an oops and order 45 middle earth themed trinkets off etsy that I can’t afford. I’m very enjoying the room glow up though, so maybe that’s my thing of the moment. I’m going to tag @winterandwords because you’re lovely and really helped me learn to have fun over here. And some random followers: @riverwriter, @smolgroundsloth, @wombatsrus, and @moonshinemagpie. Please let me know if you’d rather not be tagged again, but I will try not to double up if I can. I have 56 followers now! 

[chorusfm]

World’s First Cinema

Recently I was able to schedule an interview with Los Angeles-based duo, John Sinclair and Fil Thorpe, who go by the name of World’s First Cinema. In this interview, I asked them about the style of their music, how they do most of their songwriting, and their plans for touring. World’s First Cinema fit well in the realm of the theatrics of Panic! at the Disco, paired with the hooks of Motion City Soundtrack, but they really have a style that needs to be heard to get the full experience. Thank you for your time today! How does your band’s name, World’s First Cinema, match the aesthetic and overall feel of your music? From the very start, we wanted to make a project that fit right alongside our favorite movie scores and cinematic moments in film. World’s First Cinema captures that sense of grandiosity and theatrics perfectly. The moment Fil suggested it as a name it’s all I could imagine us being called. Can you tell me what went into the writing/recording process for “Palm Reader”? ”Palm Reader” started as the simple piano line you hear in the first few bars – but it just exploded after that. Now it has a special little piece of everything we do – sweeping cinematics, violin leading on the chorus, and huge production on the drops. The intent was to create something unique and fantastical, and draw the listener into another world. How would you describe your relationship with Fearless Records, and what drew you to signing with the label? Fearless has been absolutely fantastic in helping us realize our vision. There’s a very specific flavor to this project, and we have some really off-the-wall directions we want to take it in. Not only has Fearless recognized that, but they’ve been a step ahead of us in making it happen. That marks a unique strength for a record label to possess, and was a huge draw for us when signing.  How do you two approach songwriting? What do you feel is each band member’s strength? Fil and I do everything ourselves in the studio, and so over time we’ve worked out a system of writing and producing that fits together like a little jigsaw puzzle. Put simply, I usually start with a raw idea, and Fil shapes it into a complete form. We both produce and we both write, but our strengths and weaknesses in these areas balance out to form a complete picture.  Are there any plans to take these songs on tour? And if so, who will you be touring with? We’re actively booking touring right now and can’t say too much – but we’re extremely excited to take this project back out on the road. That’s truly where it thrives. What do you hope listeners will ultimately take away from listening to your band? We just want listeners to be swept away to another world. That’s what movies and film scores do for us, and that’s exactly what we want to give to our audience. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/features/interviews/worlds-first-cinema/

[pulsdmedia]

The Week Ahead 4/2-4/8

Manifest, dream, shop, DRINK! This week has all of the above and then some, so before you make plans to call it a night or have a chill one, think again. This city was made for exploring and enjoying. Thank us later...

$29 Adult Egg Hunt: Cocktails, Games, Easter Bunny & More 

Walk, run, hop - no matter how you arrive to The Adult Egg Hunt at The William Vale, get ready for an Easter Sunday full of fun, flavor, and festivities sure to create unforgettable memories, especially when you round up your besties! The creative energy and vibrant beauty will elevate your afternoon as you get ready for the big hunt. As you scavenge in search of eggs, keep an eye out for the "Golden Egg," which holds the biggest prize, that being a one night stay at The William Vale! Other eggs will hold other goodies, so keep your eyes open and ready to explore every nook & cranny. To add to the fun, you'll swig on classic brunch cocktails, keeping the fun going with lawn games for some friendly competition, and snapping pics with the Easter Bunny. We're all ears for this hop-tastic soirée...

Score Big on Sophisticated Pieces from Urban Zen

Urban Zen will be hosting the ultimate sample sale! From cozy and casual to city sleek, you will be able to find 60%-70% off women's apparel with a mix of accessories and home decor. This winter sample sale will help you find transitional pieces and get stocked for next year as well!

$39 After Dark Ticket: Immersive Art Experience + Wines & Beers

"Unleash your inner Alice and genuinely immerse yourself in Alexa Meade’s fantastical ‘Wonderland Dreams’" - so says Forbes when applauding the jaw-dropping immersive art experience. Upgrade your date night or create everlasting memories with your pals at Wonderland Dreams After Dark - think wine, beers, and getting your hands dirty in an unforgettable way! You'll get to enjoy the exhibit up-close and personal, becoming one with the exhibit's spectacular hand-painted creations, playing with oversized props, marveling at visual illusions, and feeling the magic - literally, with your hands! Once you've had your fill of the 26,000-square-foot exhibit, you'll get your fill of sips as you savor a glass of your favorite tipple. Once you've sipped, you'll tap into your creative side, using paints & tools provided to add a splash of color & style to a paintable object. From the moment you enter, you'll understand why “we’re all mad here"...

Join Cacti Wellness and Astrid & Miyu for a Mindful Evening

Astrid & Miyu is partnering with Cacti Wellness to co-host their first ever Manifestation and Goal Setting Workshop! Join them for complimentary welcome drinks and food, which will be followed by the interactive workshop, discounted shopping and goody bags!

$29 Open Bar Ticket To The Immersive Copacabana Disco Party

A night of passion, nostalgia, & tropical allure will transport you to another world at The Immersive Copacabana Party at Copacabana, where you'll get lost in groovy feels as the venue brings back to life the sounds, sights, and rhythms of the iconic Copacabana. Toss back a complimentary Ola Tropical Welcome Shot as you enter into this blast from the past, taking a musical voyage supplied by the world-renowned Copacabana resident DJs Lucho and Elmer G. Channel your inner “Brazilian Bombshell” with your most tropical Carmen Miranda-inspired look, or manifest your favorite disco goddess in honor of the infamous '70s club, imbibing on endless libations amidst Brazilian scenes and palm trees - an island oasis awaits! And when all that dancing works up an appetite, bite into flaky, buttery empanadas. As the song goes, "Music and passion were always in fashion, at the Copa, Copacabana!"

Stoney Clover Lane Sample Sale

Stoney Clover Lane is about to be your new favorite accessory brand! They keep fashion and fun at the forefront of all their designs and have a vast colorway for very individual style! Shop up to 70% off their various accessories, totes, make-up bags and more!

[sandwichcipher]

dawn fm - the weeknd

so i wanted to add more DIVERSITY to my tumblr page so I’m posting my review that I posted on my discord about the weeknd’s latest album, dawn fm. just a reminder, i rushed wrote this and did it during school on a march evening last year.

enjoy!

Throughout the course of the pandemic, The Weeknd had his biggest moments to date. From a successful roll-out of his album, After Hours, to sweeping awards for “Blinding Lights” and “Save Your Tears”, to performing at the Super Bowl, it seemed like he hit his peak, as he had been successful with Starboy and Beauty Behind The Madness which his biggest singles are on. In 2021, he released the first single of his, at the time, upcoming album, known as “The Dawn”, called Take My Breath. It peaked at number 6 on the Billboard Top 200 charts. Critics praised the song for its’ dance pop direction, thanks to producer Max Martin, and his vocals on the song reminding them of Michael Jackson. Fans now expected a disco, synth-pop heavy album. He then began teasing the album once-more towards the beginning of the year, promising for an early release for the fans as he believed during the rough times, music helps. He released the album, DAWN FM on January 7th, 2022 with widespread acclaim from critics, praising the music’s “enchantment” and being more upbeat than his previous records. Why I picked this album is how perfect it is. From the opening title track, the heaven-sent synthesizers giving you a feeling approaching heaven. The lyrics based of death, continuing off the previous records’ theme, as this is a sequel to After Hours.  Jim Carrey’s narration sounds so relaxing and it really does makes me wish Jim Carrey could have his very own radio station. The next track, Gasoline, at first listen, caught me by surprise yet I still loved the song. Lyrics relating to trying to find hope after death, as one of the lyrics describes “it’s 5am, I’m nihilist, I know there’s nothing after this.” Pouring out the gasoline, I believe, means to burn his soul or to burn his body. The production on Gasoline feels very eery and yet, you can dance to it. I really enjoy this song a LOT, his lower pitch voice fits the production. The next track, How Do I Make You Love Me? The production is fucking PERFECTION. Everything about this song is perfection, and I’m obsessed with the song. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t listen to this song, this song is everything to me. The way it transitions into the next song, Take My Breath, which was the lead single, is perfect. Take My Breath, at first listen, I did enjoy the single but yet I never came back to it as much as I wanted to. It wasn’t until before the album came out where I listened to it more and appreciated it, and was mixed towards the extended version being used, but I now prefer the extended version. The longer intro, the longer bridge, so amazing. The next song, which was the second single, Sacrifice. I fucking ADORE this song. The production is on point, his vocals are outstanding. Just absolute perfection. I really love this album from top to bottom, Out Of Time, gave me Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature” vibes. Tyler’s verse on “Here We Go Again” was a bit short but however it still satisfied me enough after his run of music & features during the CMIYGL era. “Best Friends” is really good, the production is a bit simple but the transition into “Is There Someone Else” is fucking AMAZING. Hearing it on the livestream, I screamed. Now, “Is There Someone Else” is out of this fucking world. When he teased this song, I was DESPERATE to hear it. The song was what I wanted for that one week, I would always keep that section on repeat. The transition onto Starry Eyes was great. I’m glad that he didn’t connect Starry Eyes to ITSE because I think the replay value for the song would’ve been very short for me. The “skit” Every Angel Is Terrifying, very fitting to the radio theme. “Don’t Break My Heart” is very outstanding and perfect. It had me crying. I don’t really like “I Heard You’re Married,” only due to Lil Wayne’s verse being somewhat disappointing but it’s still listenable. Less Than Zero… WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS MAN ON MAKING THE SONG IT’S BEAUTIFUL. IT REMINDED ME OF SAVE YOUR TEARS. I CAN’T DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I ADORE THIS SONG TOO. The ending, Phantom Regret, wow. It ended the album perfectly and Jim’s narration… really… it really made me happy. This album is a 10/10. Please listen to it if you haven’t. Favorite Songs: Gasoline, How Do I Make You Love Me?, Take My Breath, Sacrifice, Out Of Time, Here We Go Again…, Is There Someone Else?, Don’t Break My Heart, Less Than Zero

[onwriting-hrarby]

i wish i could go back and skim through ITS to tell you exactly all my favourite scenes!! (i do hope one day it would be okay for you to repost it, its such a lovely dreamy fic ♥️)

but like on the top of my head that i can remember, my fave scenes would be:

- the night they had sex in the sea. it wasnt even a hot smut scene, but the way you wrote it was like seeing so many emotions being sloowwwly pulled out of a box. them being so raw with their bodies to tell eachother how they feel, even without words. i truly felt in the moment as if i was eren or mikasa, like it was so incredible how i could feel the heaviness of the scene. i loved it so much.

- i really liked the club scenes in marley when they would dance together and enjoy the music and feel that strong connection through their gazes. and even if it was heartbreaking to have also read some of that through their current lovers pov at the time, i found that really interesting to see how third parties could see that love that resided in them through little gestures, like i think it was that part where a song from the band played and was it hisu or jean who watched them as they looked straight at eachother and fell into embrace at such excitement. from that scene i was really rooting for em!!

-it wasnt an em scene but i really really looove that haircut scene with sasha when they talk about eren and how forward sasha was with her. it really made me feel grateful mikasa has a friend like that to push her.

-also another scene that wasnt with em but i loved that scene where erens at a cafe with annie? and pieck? i think and he talks about how much he likes mikasa? if im not mistaken, he realised he liked her so much that he felt he needed to break up with hisu. i liked that scene because it was really nice to see how certain eren was about his feelings for mikasa, like he wasnt in a daze or conflicted about it, those feelings were real and he liked it enough to talk about it. literally my heart fluttered!

honestly i love all your eremikas!! sorry for the late reply, but yeah these scene are what i can remember really liking from instead they said!! ♥️

AHHH GOSH this anon made so happy. i truly feel so grateful that you remember ITS so well and that you like it :') it warms my heart, because (ranting) writing stories it's just sooo much time. i really enjoy doing it (otherwise i wouldn't) but sometimes it can also feel lonely, or like it's not paying off. but having you here commenting about this work it making me feel fuzzy, truly.

all the scenes you've said i also thought of them! minus the sasha one because I DIDN'T REMEMBER! also the annie and pieck one... IT BLEW MY MIND YOU DID REMEMBER TOO! i have to say that the scene of the disco in which they hug and jean sees was actually meant to be in "I did not live until today", but I couldn't make it work there, so I saved the idea and then the right opportunity came along.

when i received your anon i came back to the scene at the beach and i liked it :') thank you very much for making me go back, because i felt like i had done this right, and now i'm pumped up for the next project!

if you ever read anything else from me and you'd like to comment on it, feel free to do so <3 i appreciate all criticism!

as for now, i will think about putting ITS up again (i want to correct it first... my english has gotten much better!).

thank you so much <3

-hera