#and then you have jacob coming in for the final wacking

[allux]

iwtv ship discourse is so funny to me

louis about sex with lestat: “the best drug you’ve ever had, imagine that flowing inside your veins again, now multiply it by miles, to the rings of saturn and back.”

louis about sex with armand: i fucked him

[t-h-i-n-g]

“He looks at her like he just realized what love is.”

————

(jacob black x reader)

-chapter one- series-masterlist

summary: skipbo is a beautiful way to bring people together

Word count: 2.5k

warnings: swearing, ?awkward introductions? (Sorry if shit seems wack in some spots its 1 am rn and I feel like my eyes are burning from how bright my screen is BUT IT CANT GO DOWN ANY GODDANM LOWER)

————

When you first moved to Forks you never would’ve guessed it would come with a six foot three man that seemed to be smitten by you the moment you walked into his life.

It seemed like something out of a movie… However the love at first sight trope was rather one sided at first.

The late afternoon breeze caused a chill to roll up your spine as you walked along a dirt road. It had been about a month since you have moved to the small town in Washington.

The weeks following the last u-haul truck dropping off your family’s belongings had been rather uneventful.

School was an easy transfer. You were able to find all of your classes with the help of a student named Edward Cullen. He was the first face that became familiar to you when wandering the halls filled with unknown identities. However you and Edward didn’t seem to really click but he was nice enough to introduce you to his friend Bella, as he decided you too would be the perfect match.

You learned that they were indeed not just friends soon after meeting the quiet girl.

Walking around a corner while aimlessly searching for a bathroom caused you catch the sight of them making out rather feverishly towards the end of the hall. With a smooth 180 you decided that pissing your pants would be a better option than a hypothetical extremely awkward conversation. You also scolded yourself for not realizing sooner that they were a pair as the love struck gazes the two shared should’ve been more evident.

It took a few days to let the shock wash off and something told you that Edward knew exactly why you sputtered every time Bella offered to walk you to your next class, his eyes twinkling in amusement as you fumbled over your words.

Bella and you did click just like Edwards expected. You often became a third wheel when you hung out with the girl as the couple seemed almost inseparable. But you didn’t really mind for the fact they were never very big on PDA. Small actions were shared quietly between them every so often instead. You picked that up by eyeing the gentle touches and gestures the two exchanged throughout the day.

However, even though they were glued at the hip you were still able to get Bella to yourself. One of those times included you walking down a said dirt road, the fresh autumn air being taken in through your nose.

Bella wanted to introduce you to a few people from a nearby reservation; stating you’d hit it off great with a couple individuals in particular. She had insisted on parking her rickety old truck on the side of the road and the two of you walking the next mile or so to your desination.

You still haven’t fully understood the girl beside you. She’s extremely introverted but at the same time very expressive in a way. You never would have expected Bella Swan to be a sucker for listening to leaves crunching. That’s the only reason she wanted to hike the rest of the way in the first place.

“It’s just so satisfying,” she stated, walking in a rather funky way, attempting to land on a leaf with every step she took. Your face scrunched up as you watched her strange movements.

Bella Swan was definitely someone you will never stop learning new things about.

There was an intersection along your path that Swan girl directed you down. The sight of, what you assumed was, your landing place came into view. Many driveways broke off, trailing to different houses.

It took almost another 10 minutes of weaving down roads and passing hundreds of evergreen trees for Bella to finally point towards a red house accompanied by a shed.

Voices sounded as you approached the front steps. Light nervousness bubbled in your stomach but there was no time to over think as Bella swung the screen door wide open, holding it long enough for you to catch it from hitting you.

The smell of cedar, pine, and musk doubled as you stepped into the household.

You were met with the sight of a kitchen. Dated appliances and a wood table taking up most of the space. The ceiling light casted a yellow glow across the room. The wooden floor looked recently swept and a quiet sizzling was heard. On top of the stove was a pan with a lid; steam emitted through the sides.

The door behind you shut with a quiet click. As soon as it did the voices speaking from people you couldn’t see stopped.

Bella crouched down to untie her laces. Casting your gaze to the floor you took notice of the multiple pairs of shoes piled up on the rug you were currently standing on. Many of them were scattered away from their matches. Seemingly kicked off without a care in the world.

“There's a coat rack over there,” Bella's voice broke you from your thoughts. Glancing at her you looked over your shoulder to look at the mostly bare metal bar. A single large jacket was hanging from it.

Your brows furrowed, taking in the fact that with the end of fall approaching, more and more people were talking out their winter jackets; and you’d suspect with the amount of shoes there'd be coats to match the amount. The question didn’t deter too much in your mind however as footsteps approached.

Just as you pulled your parka off of your shoulders and hung it a large looming shadow casted from the bare doorway.

“You brought the goods right?” A deep voice rumble, almost shaking your soul.

Bella huffed out a quiet laugh.

“Why does no one even say hi anymore?” She asked in faux annoyance. Maneuvering to look at the owner of the baritone wavelanks you were met with the sight of a man leaning onto a wooden frame. His jawline was sculpted and his figure was rather muscular.

“Hi Bella,” he replied with fake enthusiasm. His cheery expression dropped to an almost emotionless one. “Did you bring it or not.”

“Yes Paul, I brought it,” Bella admitted, taking off her gloves, placing them next her jacket. “Why are you all so obsessed with SkipBo?”

“Because it’s one of the best inventions of all time,” someone stated over ‘Paul’s’ shoulder. He was taller with more of a baby face.

“You would think that.”

Jesus Christ they just kept leveling up. Another boy appeared, somehow taller than the second.

“Bella’s here?”

When will it end?? Where the hell were they pulling up from???The fourth was in similar height with the third, having a lanky build.

“Embry you literally can’t even talk,” number two stated, turning to number three.

“I’m not the one who flips tables when he loses.”

“It was one time-“

Apparently you were invisible. ‘Embry’ and number two broke into a bicker as number four watched in amusement. Paul was too busy snatching the card deck from Bella’s grasp with a mumbled thanks as he turned it over, inspecting.

“This is Y/n by the way,” she suddenly announced. Paul’s eyes glanced up to you briefly before unwrapping the rubber band holding the game together.

“Hey,” he greeted, dismissing you with a turn, his back facing you as he sat the game on the table.

Your face was scrunched in utter confusion as you took in your surroundings. Arguments still bustled and Paul just peacefully shuffled the cards. Parting the deck and making a bridge before repeating.

You looked at Bella in questioning, asking ‘what the hell’ with your eyes while you toed off your shoes. She simply smiled gently in response and looking over at the group of boys.

“Where’s Jake?” She asked crossing her arms and shifting her weight on to one foot.

“Doing some shit with Sam. Said he’d be back by 4:00 though,” number four pushed between Embry and number two. Who shoved him rather harshly but number four didn’t even acknowledge it.

“Y/n you said?” He asked, holding out a hand in greeting. Looking at it dumbly, it took a second for you to shake it.

“Um… yes?”

“Was that a question?” He quirked a brow, lip curving slightly at the corner.

“…No?” Number four chuckled lightly.

“Jared,” he introduced, placing his hand back down by his side. You smiled politely, lips tight. “Over there is Embry and Quill. I’d say they usually aren’t like this but I’d be lying,” Jared winced as the two boys behind him continued to climb in volume.

“Can you guys just shut the fuck up,” Paul finally snapped glaring with an annoyed expression.

“Well tell him to stop calling me an antisocial little bitch,” Quill stated, pointing a finger in an accusatory manner at Embry.

“They’re like children,” you mumbled.

“Aren’t all teenage boys?” Bella remarked. She swiftly brushed past you and took a seat next to Paul who began dealing out different piles.

“Y/n, you want in, right?” He asked, not taking his eyes away from the cards.

Twiddling your thumbs you hesitantly took a spot across from Bella.

“I may be rusty,” you warned.

“Can't be worse than Bella,” he mumbled, earning a light slap to his arm. A small smirk played on his lips but he paid the action no mind.

Slowly but surely the spots around the table began to fill. Jared sat next to you while Quill went to Bella’s side and Embry went to Paul. A single chair next to you remained empty.

Quill rubbed his hands together.

“Who’s ready to get shit on?”

“Shit like the time you shit your pants when you’re dad-“

“Bro I thought we established that it’d be peace and love from now on?”

“Sorry, your aura is just asking me to insult you,” Embry defended.

“What does that even mea-“ Quills question was cut off by a harsh slam of the card deck making contact with the middle of the table.

Paul gave both boys a pointed look.

“Usually by now he’d have pumbled them,” Jared murmured. You looked over at him. “Think he’s playing nice to not scare you off,” he stated his eyes glancing over to meet yours. You chuckled lightly.

“Should I thank him later?” You questioned jokingly.

“Nah, you’d inflate his ego.” A snort slipped past you.

“If Jacob doesn’t show in the next five minutes he’s getting dawn duty,” Embry stated.

“Dawn duty?” Looking across the table you furrowed your brows at Bella. She shook her head, a quiet message for you to not question it.

Minutes ticked by as useless banter continued to flow around the table. Your lips had stayed shut for the duration of it. The group of people you were surrounded with were rather… interesting.

But what else would you expect from a bunch of teenage boys just like Bella had said.

The topic of if pickles wrapped in ham was a food crime rose just as the sound of hinges creaking faintly sounded as Jared explained how the appetizer must have been crafted by Edward Einstein himself.

The door was pushed open and a figure pushed into the crazed house.

First thing you noticed about him was his well built stature. The guy had the shoulders of a fucking body builder. The wideness of them made his shirt hang loose on his frame. From what you could see of his face, his jaw was sharp, nose sloped, and his eyelashes were so long you could see them from your seat. Overall he was extremely attractive (might you even say a certified hottie).

As soon as, who you assumed was ‘Jacob’, stepped into the house he seemed to visually relax. The familiar environment calming him in and externally.

“Sorry I'm late,” he mumbled, hunching down to untie his shoes.

“Embry said you get dawn duty,” Quil blurted out. Brows furrowing Jacob looked up, annoyed expression taking over his features. Even looking like he had to sneeze he looked hella fine.

“The fuck I do,” he scoffed. “Who was the one who just made 20 laps.”

Nobody protested while he continued to unlace. He greeted Bella with a light smile and a brush of her shoulder. She beamed back at him.

Jacob had yet to acknowledge your presence. You brought your finger nails to your teeth; biting on them in a force of habit. He was rather intimidating. Leg bouncing, you looked down at the wooden table top. It wasn’t until Jacob sat down next to you did he finally note your existence.

“Y/n, right?” He asked with a light grunt as he plopped down. You glanced at him, not meeting his eyes as you gave a tight lip smiled and nodded.

“And you’re Jacob?” You questioned, already knowing the answer.

“Mhm, nice to finally get to put a face to a name. Bella’s been talking about you not stop.”

“I have not,” the girl weakly defended. Her cheeks blushed lightly at the accusation. “Only like 3 out of 5 conversations is she mentioned.” she stated.

“Yeah, that's more than you talk about your own lover. Got something you gotta declare to your new friend, Bella?” A small grin washed over your face as she stuttered.

“Well, you don’t like my lover Jacob and you don’t like me talking about him either so that’s why.” Shrugging, the boy placed his hands palm down on to his thighs, not denying her statement. His legs spread, making his knee nudge yours. Instinctively you pulled away. Mumbling a sorry Jake adjusted in his seat.

“Can we just start?” Paul asked, an impatient edge in his tone.

Words of agreement were shared amongst the group.

“How’ve you been liking Forks?” Jacob asked casually, attempting to start conversation.

“It’s been good,” your answer was short and simple.

“Not sick of the wet yet hopefully. Cause if you are, there’s a lot more where that comes from.”

“Tell me about it,” Bella murmured, examining her hand.

Breathing out a laugh you picked up a card and added it to your others as your turn came. Biting your lip once more the memories of how to play began to grow foggy.

“You can lay down the one,” a voice whispered to you. Instantly you retracted your hands to your chest to hide your valuables.

“Are you looking a my-“

And that was the moment where Forks did become intresting.

The moment where Jacob Black’s eyes met yours, the distance between you a mere four or five inches as he was previously peering over your shoulder. The world shifted under your grasp and just by the way his gaze held your own you knew he felt the change as well.

However the closer you looked the more it seemed he was feeling your emotions ten fold. A star struck gleam sparked across his irises. His body froze as his breath became stuck in his throat.

The way Jacob looked at you made it seemed as him he’s known you forever and a minute as admiration casted over him.

Your own frame felt stiff and stuck. Not knowning if you should look away or even if you could. The grasp on your cards grew tight as the table around you was now silent.

What had just happened…?

————

Like and reblogs are appreciated:))

[cevansbrat0007]

Growing Pains Masterlist

*UPDATED 5/11/22* All Fics are listed in chronological order!

So, first of all, thank you to everyone who has enjoyed my Andy Barber x Reader series that I have tentatively entitled Growing Pains. This series will feature a collection of stories (that will continue to grow) about the Reader and Andy’s love at different points of their relationship. I never intended for this to become a series, but I just love this little world so much and have so many ideas.  

Please let me know what you think and thanks for reading! Fair warning, some stories will feature smut, angst, fluff, spanking elements, daddy kink, challenging topics, etc. You have been warned, my friends.  

Merry-Go-Round Magic: You and Andy finally have your first date. But what happens when things don’t go as planned?

Dessert Before Dinner: It’s the Reader’s first time with Andy. 

A Good Lesson: This takes place four months into your relationship with Andy. You learn the hard way that you are Andy’s baby girl, whether you want to be or not. And that your safety always comes first.

Taking the Blame: The Reader and Andy end up having their first fight at one of Andy’s office parties. But the real question is, who’s right and who’s wrong?

Distant: Your husband has been pretty neglectful lately. Late nights, cancelled plans, missing dinner. Is it possible that he doesn't want you anymore? NEW!

Forever Partners: You and Andy are newly married and have recently moved into a new neighborhood. Everything is wonderful until the day you receive a disturbing note on your doorstep. How will you and your new husband handle it? And how will it affect your relationship?

Late Night Revelations: You and your husband had never really discussed children, not after what happened with his son, Jacob. But when you find out you’re pregnant, you realize that you don’t really have a choice.

The Curious Case of the Chicken McNuggets: You sneak out one night to satisfy a late night craving, with every intent to make it back before your overly tired husband wakes up. NEW!

Waddle Woes: At seven months pregnant, you've perfected the art of the waddle. Your emotions are a little out of wack. Plus you may or may not enjoy pickle and peanut butter sandwiches. And your sweet, handsome husband likes to test your delicate patience. NEW!

A Little Scotch: When you begin to experience Braxton Hicks contractions, it sends your overprotective husband into a tizzy. NEW!

Restroom Reservations: You encounter a rude heckler as you try to feed your baby at a local bistro. NEW!

Let Go: The Reader and Andy reconnect nine months after welcoming their their first child together. After all, it’s important for Andy to remind you that you’re his baby too.

Indulge Me: You’re struggling with your post-baby body, but Andy refuses to stand by and watch his baby girl neglect herself.

Terms & Conditions: Having regained some of your old confidence, you wake up in the mood to torture Andy while he’s working from home.

Just A Bite: Your toddler notices a bruise on your bottom and informs her Daddy. Little does she know that he was the one that put it there in the first place…

Sweet Dreams: You can’t sleep, and neither can your baby girl. Guess it’s Daddy to the rescue. 

Aviary Adventures: One of your worst fears comes to fruition. 

Games We Play: Sometimes your husband likes to play little games. Now just how dirty are you willing to get for him? NEW!

BiBi The Brave: A Growing Pains Drabble: When little Bianca realizes that there are monsters on the loose, she takes it upon herself to protect her parents. NEW!

Preschool Brawl: You and Andy end up in the principal's office after BiBi has an altercation with a little boy at school. NEW!

[reniqt]

★︎ BIRTHDAY SPECIAL FOR @hvae ★︎

Note; be sure to watch the edit first before reading !! Just to explain it <3

★ Sangyeon grasped the ends of the baby pink colored banner, glancing over his shoulder for support. His eyes led to the ten members that were scattered across the room, Sangyeon feeling the ends of his mouth curve into a grin. Viewing them off a ladder was certainly a different feeling.

★ His eyes soon trailed over to the two figures who were stuffing themselves with cake, Sangyeon squinting his eyes to find out it was Sunwoo and Eric. A guilty look was plastered across their faces, the two of them freezing in time once they'd realize they were caught. "HEY, THAT'S FOR Y/N" Sangyeon yelled across the room, Eric flinching in surprise.

★ Eric immediately placed his plate of cake onto the counter with Sunwoo, the two of them letting out a small groan. "We were hungryy." Whined Eric, feeling his pocket vibrate once he'd slip his phone out to find a message off a friend. He was too distracted in the cake he forgot this was for you.

★ If you looked over at the back, you could see the two besties arguing over confetti.

★ "Kevin, you bought the wrong confetti!" Scolded Jacob, his words coming out a bit soft than expected. He assumed he bought WHITE confetti, but ended up having colorful ones scattered in a plastic bag.

★ Kevin blinked his eyes, realization soon sinking in. "I thought you wanted the normal ones!" he encountered, the male groaning. "Plus, these are prettier."

★ Jacob gently wacked the bag of colorful confetti against Kevin's shoulder, earning a smile of laughter off him. "Next time you better choose the right one." He lectured, Kevin nodding in shame.

★ And towards the front stood Younghoon walking over to the dining table, his eyes glued to the huge plate of cake sitting in front of him. He continued to fight the urge to drool over it, leading up to him asking Sangyeon if he could have a SMALL piece. Kind of. He ended up attracting Hyunjae over, sneaking a bite as he leaned over Younghoon's shoulder to be fed. "ONE bite. That's all your getting."

★ And before he knew it, once Younghoon had glanced back at his food, he found Haknyeon dashing over to steal himself a bite. "HEY" He let out a groan, watching him mischievously consume the food.

★ and who was recording all of this? New. He felt as if this moment was special, and knew it was a NEED for all of this be stored into his camera roll. He couldn't even be yelled at for it, considering Haknyeon was the first to post it on his story.

★ And in the storage room sat Q, practicing his birthday message for Y/N. He felt a bit guilty for not being able to bring a present today, when he was too caught up in decorating the party. The poor kid even brought a script on what to say, considering he was probably gonna stutter if he didn't have any words planned.

★ So there he was. Practicing, while New was recording in front of him. You could say there were countless failed attempts, but he'll get there. “CUT THE CAMERAS, CHANHEE” Q whined, hovering the palm of his hand over New’s camera.

★︎and once Eric had finished eating his cake, he was ready to announce you were coming.

★ "Y/N'S COMING, IS EVERYONE READY?" Eric shouted, finding out you were seconds away from reaching the building. It even caused Sunwoo to flinch a bit, his hands glued to the ladder Sangyeon had stood on, the two of them suddenly becoming nervous.

★ And in a matter of seconds, all eleven of them had darted towards the couch that rested in the back of the room. Some of them were shoved together, considering behind the couch was a bit crowded if it fit that many people inside. Some of them hid behind a chair, but the teamwork was so messy.

"WHO'S LEG IS THIS??" Q yelled, grabbing onto a random leg that was nudging his stomach.

“MINE.”

★ and once you had finally reached the doorstep, your fingers had quietly grabbed the doorknob, slowly pulling it open to darkness.

★︎and just like that, all eleven of them had appeared right in front of you.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAE !”

[lambychop]

Ultimate Horror Flick List

I know this isn’t usually my style, but 🎵it’s the most wonderful time of the year🎵

That’s right: it’s the spoopy month! Which means SPOOPY MOVIES

So I present to you:

IRONICENIGMA’S ULTIMATE HORROR FLICK LIST FOR ALL TYPES OF FILM LOVERS

1) For the Gore Hounds

•Saw series- the classic films for the guys who just wanna see some people get ripped to shreads (honestly, after the second one, they go downhill)

•Jigsaw- the more recent edition to the Saw series (this ones actually pretty good and FULL of gore)

•Hostel- Saw Studies Abroad (TM)

•Final Destination series- kinda a dumb one. The movies can be kinda dumb, but the kills are INSANE. Fun movies to watch with the gang

•Texas Chainsaw Massacre- you know it, you love it, I don’t gotta explain it

•Cannibal Holocaust- seriously messed up. Banned in multiple countries. It’s something special.

•The Midnight Meat Train- lesser known, kinda weird, super bloody

•Cabin Fever- gross disease makes you loose your skin. Nasty

•Wrong Turn- basically The Hills Have Eyes but with funner kills

2) The Classic Slashers

•Scream series- one of my faves. Classic story of small town teens with a killer on the loose. Lots of fun

•Friday the Thirteenth- do I have to tell you why this is here?

•Nightmare on Elm Street- Johnny Depp getting turned into a volcano of blood? I’m in.

•Halloween- can’t have Halloween without the movie that took the name, right?

•My Bloody Valentine (the original one)- one of my all time favorite movies. Creepy killer, great group of characters, great time

•Sleepaway Camp- infamous for its batshit ending. Kinda weird ngl, but a classic

•The Town That Dreaded Sundown- Based on a real killer. Oldie, but goodie

•Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon- different take on the slasher genre. Fun look into the life of a movie slasher

•You’re Next- badass female lead? Check. Masked murderers? Check. Family bonding? Uh sure okay

•I Know What You Did Last Summer- secrets are bad. Roll credits

3) Supernatural (demons, ghosts, etc)

•The Conjuring- it’s pretty popular, you know it

•Insidious- also popular. Moral: your body is a ghost hotel

•Sinister- classic demon: likes kids, likes brutal deaths, likes to appear in the background of pictures

•The Exorcist- obviously

•Lights Out- ghosts are scared of light, that’s all you need to know

•The Sixth Sense- not really scary. Actually pretty wholesome. In an “I see dead people” kinda way

•The Rite- priest Anthony Hopkins coughs up nails

•The Omen- aka don’t trust kids

•1408- haunted hotel room. Someone call the ghoul bois

•The Amityville Horror- based on true events. Well at least we know the murders were real and the house is creepy

•The Skeleton Key- Old People+Voodoo= bad time

•Haunting In Connecticut- also a “true” story. Don’t buy a house that used to be a morgue

•The Autopsy Of Jane Doe- boy bonds with dad over dead teenage girl

•Mama- moths are gross, ghosts are worse. Dead Mom from Beetlejuice, but now a movie

•Rosemary’s Baby- dont trust thy neighbor

•The Shinning- classic. That’s all I’ve got to say

•The Orphanage- again: creepy kids

•Stir Of Echos- Kevin Bacon sees ghosts. Must I say more?

•The Others- haunted house story with a twist ending

4) Creature Features

•Trick ‘r Treat- classic Halloween film. Fun, creepy, iconic

•The Ritual- camping trip turns bad. Monster looks really cool

•A Quiet Place- you’ve probably seen it. Jim from the office speaks sign language

•The Babadook- children’s storybook is not kid friendly

•Backcountry- bears are dangerous

•Alien- you’ve seen this already but it needs to be here

•The Descent- dont watch if your claustrophobic

•An American Werewolf In London- also a fave. Best werewolf movie ever made

•The Monster- lesser know, actually pretty good

•The Thing- classic. Super good. Based on a short story. No one can be trusted because you don’t know if they’re even them

5) Horror Comedies

•Zombieland- hysterical. Bloody. Great cast

•Cabin In The Woods- this movie is insane. Combine every horror monster ever, the Illuminati, and the Office- that’s this movie

•Shaun of the Dead- the classic horror comedy

•Scary Movie series- less horror, ridiculous comedy

•This Is The End- again, like no horror, but one of the funniest films ever

6)Found Footage (not a great genre, but some can be pretty entertaining)

•The Blair Witch Project- basically the king of the found footage films. You’ve seen it

•The Conspiracy- the Illuminati is real and they don’t like to be filmed

•Paranormal Activity series- kinda annoying to horror fans. Relies on jump scares and the characters are idiots. But if I’m doing a section on foud footage, this has to be here

•Creep- okay this movie actually really disturbed me. People are absolutely insane. Don’t meet up with people from Craigslist

•V/H/S series- basically a anthology of short horror films. Kinda fun

•Apollo 18- the government faked the moon landing because they found some crazy shit

•The Sacrament- Jonestown caught on camera

•As Above So Below- Paris Catacombs are wack

•Grave Encounters- what if Ghost Adventures actually found ghosts

•Unfriended Dark Web- lets be honest: the first one sucked. Second one is actually not bad. Take away the ghosts, add the black market

•The Poughkeepsie Tapes- lesser know, can be hard to find. Really disturbing. Basically watching a serial killer tape his crimes

•Cold Ground- Set up to look just like it’s out of the seventies. It’s pretty fun

•The Last Exorcism- priests are liers

•Quarantine- English version of [REC]. I wouldn’t say it’s great, but it’s something

•Hell House LLC.- kids set up a haunted house. People die

•The Houses October Built- again with the haunted houses. Don’t trust em

•The Bay- Cabin Fever but found footage-y

•Willow Creek- y’all gotta leave Bigfoot alone

•Lake Mungo- girl drowns, family sees her ghost. No jump scares with this one, like most found footage. Mostly just a family in mourning

•The Tunnel- if the government says to stay out, STAY OUT

•The Taking Of Deborah Logan- alzheimers itself is awful to go through, but let’s add some more spooks

•The Possession Of Michael King- another possession film? Yep they just keep comin

•The Last Broadcast- suspicious murder of tv hosts

6) Family Fun

•Hocus Pocus- okay obviously

•Beetlejuice- dark humor in a “kids” film. Most of the comedy caters to adults, but it’s an awesome film

•Corpse Bride- guy accidentally marries dead girl. Wholesome family fun

•The Nightmare Before Christmas- my fave Disney film. Super cute

•Frankenweenie- dead dog=goodest boy

•Paranorman- sixth sense but now for kids+zombies

•Coraline- Might scar some small children, but I loved it when it came out when I was 8

7) Psychological

•Midsommar- happy cult family holds a festival

•Funny Games- home invasion movie done well. No cheap thrills, just some sadistic shit

•The Strangers- dont answer the door for people wearing masks when it’s not Halloween are you crazy

•The Perfection- artistic, bloody, absolute mind fuck

•Gerald’s Game- sexy time turns not good

•Unsane- imagine being stalked and no one believes you. That’s the premise

•Triangle- ummmmmmmm wtf is happening what time is it??

•It Comes At Night- trust is bad. Paranoia is good.

•The Silence of the Lambs- my personal favorite film. Serial killer helps rookie detective find another serial killer

•Jacob’s Ladder- Vietnam vet struggles with EXTREMELY terrifying visions

AND THERE YOU GO. I have seen plenty more, so if you don’t see one you’d like on this list, hit me up with what kinda movie you’re lookin for and I’ll hook you up amigo

[je-suis-la-wolf-girl]

Shame: 06

Original

Embry Call x Reader

Part 1: https://je-suis-la-wolf-girl.tumblr.com/post/184789841559/shame-01

Part 2: https://je-suis-la-wolf-girl.tumblr.com/post/184837660929/shame-02-embry-call-x-reader-original-part

Part 3: https://je-suis-la-wolf-girl.tumblr.com/post/186387537024/shame-03

Part 4: https://je-suis-la-wolf-girl.tumblr.com/post/188420521284/shame-04

Part 5: https://je-suis-la-wolf-girl.tumblr.com/post/189218454934/shame-05

''A one night stand? That's what it was to you?'' you asked him. You were boiling inside. How could he have thought that?

''Yeah'', he shrugged.

-Flashback to after you spent the night together-

Embry and Jared had patrol together. Embry started thinking about the night he spent with you, which made Jared abruptly stop running.

''Dude stop! I don't want to know what happened.''

''My bad.'', Embry said to his friend. They both stopped running and phased back to their human forms. They put their clothes back on and walked to Sam and Emily's.

''Wait, so you had sex with Y/N!?'' Jared asked Embry with a smirk on his face.

Embry sighed before a small smile came up on his lips. ''Yeah''

Jared laughed at his friend and playfully punched his shoulder.

''Damn, Call! It's your second one night stand, how does it feel?''

Embry frowned and stopped walking, making Jared stop and look back to face him.

''One night stand? Who said anything about this being a one night stand? It's more than that!'' he asked confused.

''Bro, what do you mean it's more than that?'' He asked, frowning, ''Do I need to remind you that she's not from here? She leaves once the tournament is over and you're never going to see her again! Plus, do you really think she thought that this would be more than a one night stand?''

Embry looked at his feet, he was questioning everything. He wondered if you were being real with him or if you just did all that and faked your interest in him just to get him to sleep with you. He shook his head from right to left.

''Nah, I don't think she would do that. What happened could become something real.''

''Bro, seriously?'', Jared asked slightly annoyed. ''Don't be delusional. Why else would she do that if she's staying for a few days only?!'' Jared paused before speaking again, ''And please, you saw her once. You can't know if this will be the start of something real and you don't even know her!''

Embry stayed quiet as he looked away.

''Unless you tell me that you feel that way because you imprinted on her!'', Jared said, raising his voice with excitement.

''Ugh shut up will you!?''

-End of flashback-

You wanted to insult him. You wanted to tell him how shitty he was. That he was stupid and a fuckboy, but you couldn't.

''Well then, I have nothing else to say to you.'', you walked past him, making sure your shoulder would bump into his. You kept walking away, but stopped to look back at him. He was staring right at you.

''You know what? It's a shame you're such a dick.'', you turned around and walked away. Once you arrived next to the others, you told your best friend you had to leave. She didn't want to, but you convinced her.

-----

It was now the third day you were volunteering. Your school's team was in the semi final and you were excited. Thankfully they weren't playing against the school's team so you weren't going to see Embry.

After the game, Jacob came up to you while pushing your dad's wheelchair. After greeting you, Billy invited you over his house for the supper. He wanted to spend some time with two of his kids and wanted to get to know you. You got very excited about it and once the time to go to his house came around, Jacob came to get you. You had a smile plastered on your face the whole ride.

The night started well and you were wondering what Billy made for supper. Once the table was settled, the three of you sat down on the table. To your surprise, Billy's cooking skills were wonderful. The food was delicious- better than your mom's and that surprised you.

''You like it?'' Billy asked you as he took a bite of his food.

You swallowed your food and nodded.

''Yes. It's delicious.'', you said smiling.

''Oh now his ego will rise up to the moon.'' Jacob said with a small smile.

''What can I say, son. Talent runs in my blood.''

The three of you chuckled, then Billy became serious.

''I know you're leaving tomorrow night when the tournament is over, but I just want to tell you that you are always welcomed here. You can come home whenever you want. You don't need my permission.'', he said staring at your eyes.

Your heart felt full and so warm. You felt so blessed for being able to find your dad, have supper with him and being accepted by him after all these years. Things could have turned out so differently.

''Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.'' you paused, ''I just have to ask my mom's permission though, but I don't think she will forbid me to come see you.''

Your dad nodded, whispering 'of course'.

''I'm going to give you my number and Jacob's, so you can call us whenever you want. I want us all to keep in touch.''

----

While Jacob was driving you to school, a question kept popping in your head. You didn't know if it was a good idea to ask, but you did anyways.

''Is Embry a fuckboy?'', you abruptly asked him.

'Yeah that definitely did not sound right.''

Jacob laughed at you.

''What!? No, why?''

''I know it's probably a guy code and you can't answer the next question I'm going to ask, but does he do a lot of one night stands?''

Jacob was so confused, so lost, that normally you would've laughed at his facial expression, but since you were upset with that situation, you didn't.

''Why are you asking?'', he glanced at you before looking at the road again.

''Does he like to hurt girls? Does he like to use girls? Does he like to make girls feel like shit? Does he-'' Jacob interrupted you as he rose his right hand up beside your face.

''Woah there!'' he put down his right hand back on the wheel ''Slow down with these questions.'' he chuckled and glanced at you again. ''I don't get why you're asking all of these questions, but all I can say is that he is a nice guy.''

You scoffed at him.

''Right.'' you said rolling your eyes.

''What would you know? I've known him all my life.''

Silence filled the car before realization hit Jacob.

''No freaking way.'' he closed his eyes ''Please don't tell me that you and Embry got together.''

You stayed silent as you looked at your knees and that was enough for Jacob to understand that you and Embry hooked up. He clenched his jaw and tightened his grip on the wheel.

''Look, for my defense, I didn't know you were my brother! If I had known, I wouldn't have hooked up with him, I promise.''

Jacob let out a loud sigh. He stayed silent for a few seconds.

''I should have known.''

You frowned and scrunched your nose. You were waiting for him to keep talking. Jacob looked at you and smiled a little bit.

''He talks quite a lot about you. He does it in a subtle way, but when you know him like I do, everything becomes obvious.'' he paused again, ''He likes you.''

He earned another scoff from you.

''No he doesn't.'' you crossed your arms around your chest as you thought about what he told you at the beach.

''Look, I don't know what kind of misunderstanding you guys have, but you should talk with him about it. Do it before you go.''

You nodded at him.

''Well, as much as I would want to, I can't.''

''Why?''

''Because I'll only see him tomorrow during the final when your school plays against my school and he'll be playing! So there's no time for talking. Plus, Billy will be there. It would be awkward.''

''Well, it's a good thing I know where he lives.''

You roughly turned your head in his direction, your eyes almost popping out.

''Excuse me, what?'', he half yelled at your brother.

''We are going over to his house so you can talk.'' he calmly said to you.

Your heart started to race. You were so nervous.

'What the heck am I supposed to say? I can't say ''oh well, I can't believe you just used me for a one night stand'' or ''why did you act like you were interested in me? I can't believe I was naive enough to think you wanted more than sex'' I'd sound way to clingy, desperate, obsessed and pathetic. Just no, there's no way! The only thing I want to do right now, is to punch Jacob over and over again. Why would he put me in this situation?'

Once you arrived in front of Embry's house, you stayed in the car.

''What are you doing? Go!'' Jacob said, pointing at the house.

''No! I never asked you to bring me here. I don't want to do this.''

Jacob sighed and got out of his car. You were wondering what he was doing, until he came to your side of the vehicle, opened the door, took off your seat belt, grabbed you by the waist and put you over his shoulder like a big bag of potatoes.

''Jacob, put me down. If you don't, I promise you, I'm-''

''Shut up. You talk too much, you won't do anything.''

As he got in front of the door, he knocked on it and waited for Embry to open it. He put you down three seconds before his friend opened the door.

Embry's eyes widened when he saw you. He cleared his throat before asking you a question.

''Hey! What are you guys doing here?''

You were going to tell him that you were passing by and Jacob wanted to see how he was doing, but your brother beat you to it.

''Y/N wanted to talk to you.'' with that being said, he looked at you and told you that he would wait for you in the car.

You took in a deep breath before staring right in the eyes of the guy in front of you.

''I think we should talk before I leave tomorrow.''

Oh no! This chapter was wack, I'm sorry guys!

Part 7: https://je-suis-la-wolf-girl.tumblr.com/post/190134748314/shame-07

[dustedmagazine]

Dust, Volume 5, Number 12

Matthew J. Rolin 

Ned Starke was right. Winter is coming, and maybe, for our Chicago and Eastern Seaboard contingent, it’s here. That’s a good excuse to find a big comfy chair near the stereo and dig into some new music. This time we offer some hip hop, some finger picking, some music concrete, some indie pop and, just this once, a Broadway musical. Contributors include Ray Garraty, Jennifer Kelly, Justin Cober-Lake, Jonathan Shaw, Bill Meyer and Andrew Forell. Stay warm.

ALLBLACK x Offset Jim — 22nd Ways (Play Runners Association)

ALLBLACK and Offset Jim have collaborated on a few tracks before, but this is their first release together. Their differences, which are significant, make the disc enjoyable through and through. Offset Jim has a poker face delivery that can fool anybody into thinking he’s deadly serious when he’s clearly having fun. ALLBLACK, on the other hand, is known for his goofy humor, but his goofiness is a mask that obscures a poetic psycho killer. Their combination of a healthy dose of humor and true-to-the-streets seriousness—seen here— makes a case for tolerating all kinds of oddball pairings:

“Don't leave the house without your makeup kit Diss songs about your real daddy just won't stick Hey, bitch, say, bitch, I know you miss this demon dick Please comb Max hair, take off them wack outfits”

Ray Garraty

 David Byrne — American Utopia (Nonesuch)

If you live long enough, everything that seemed edgy and electrifying in your youth will turn safe and comfortable in middle age. You’ll buy festival tickets with access to couches, tents and air conditioning. Clash songs will turn up in Jaguar ads. Kids at the playground will run around sporting your Black Flag tee-shirt. You may even find yourself in a $250 seat, at a beautiful theater, with your beautiful wife, seeing “American Utopia,” David Byrne’s new jukebox musical, and, to borrow a phrase, you may ask yourself, “How did I get here?” And look, you could do worse. These are wonderful songs, still prickly and spare even now in full orchestral arrangements, still booming with cross-currented, afro-beat rhythms (Byrne got to that early on, give him credit), still buoyed with a scratchy, ironic, ebullient pulse of life. It’s hard to say what plot line stitches together “Born Under Punches,” “Every Day is a Miracle,” “Burning Down the House” and “Road to Nowhere,” or how absorbing the connective narrative may be. It’s not, obviously, as kinetic and daring as the original arrangements, stitched together with shoe-laces, stuttering with anxiety, bounced and jittered by the back line of Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz, clad in an absurdly oversized suit. And, yet, it’s not so bad and if I had three big bills to spend on a night at the theater, I might just want to see it re-enacted. Because I’ve gotten safe and comfortable, too, and anyway, better that than the Springsteen show.

Jennifer Kelly

 Charly Bliss — Supermoon EP (Barsuk) 

Supermoon by Charly Bliss

Charly Bliss’ latest release Supermoon, collects five tracks written during the Young Enough sessions that didn’t make the final cut. The EP showcases the band transitioning from the grungy edge of their debut Guppy to the more polished pop sound of its successor. Eva Hendricks is one of the moment’s most distinctive voices, and these songs find her grappling with the themes so tellingly addressed on Young Enough. Although the songs here deserve release, the interest is in what they don’t do. More than sketches, they are less lyrically formed than those on the album, more guitar driven and without the big pop pay offs. The band, Hendricks on guitar and vocals, her brother Sam on drums, guitarist Spencer Fox and bassist Dan Shure still produce a hooky, engaging record which will appeal to fans. Newcomers might want to start with the albums but Supermoon is not without its moments.

Andrew Forell

  Cheval Sombre — Been a Lover b/w The Calfless Cow (Market Square)

Cheval Sombre - Been a Lover b/w The Calfless Cow by Market Square Recordings

Cheval Sombre teamed with Luna/Galaxie 500’s Dean Wareham last year for a haunting batch of cowboy songs that found, as I put it in my Dusted review, “unfamiliar shadows and crevices in some very familiar material.” Now comes Cheval Sombre, otherwise known as Chris Porpora, with a brace of soft, dreamy folk-turned-psychedelic songs, one a gently sorrowful original, the other a cover of Alasdair Roberts. “Been a Lover” slow-strums through a whistling canyons of dreams, wistfully surveying the remnants of a long-standing relationship. It has the nodding, skeletal grace of Sonic Boom’s acoustic “Angel,” perhaps no coincidence since the Spaceman 3 songwriter produced the album. “The Calfless Cow” anchors a bit more in folk blues picking, though Porpora’s soft, prayerful vocals float free above the foundations. Both songs feel like spectral images leaving traceries on unexposed film—unsolid and evocative and mysteriously, inexplicably there.

Jennifer Kelly

 Cigarettes After Sex — Cry (Partisan Records)

Cry by Cigarettes After Sex

Cigarettes After Sex’s 2017 debut album was a quite lovely collection of slow-core, lust-lorn dream pop. On the follow up Cry Greg Gonzalez (vocals, guitar), Phillip Tubbs (keys), Randall Miller (bass) and Jacob Tomsky (drums) double down on their signature sound with half the effect. The melodies are still here, the delicate restraint also, Gonzalez’ voice whispers seductively sweet nothings but this time around it is largely nothings he’s working with. It’s not that this is a terrible record, it’s more that the wreaths of gossamer amount to not much. Lacking the humorous touches of the debut, Cry suffers from Gonzalez’ sometimes witless and earnest lyrics which are mirrored in the lackluster pace which makes one desperate for the sex to be over so one can get back to smoking. Cry aims for Lynch/Badalamenti atmospherics and hits them occasionally but too often lapses into Hallmark sentimentalism. For an album ostensibly about romantic and physical love Cry is dispiritingly dry. There is only ash on these sheets. Serge Gainsbourg is somewhere rolling his eyes, and a gasper, in the velvet boudoir of eternity.

Andrew Forell

  Lucy Dacus — 2019 (Matador)

Between Historian and boygenius, Lucy Dacus had a pretty memorable 2018. It makes sense that she'd want to document 2019. What she did instead was release a series of holiday-ish tracks over the course of the year and then collect them as the 2019 EP. The covers will likely get the most attention, whether her loving take on Edith Piaf's “La vie en rose” or the rocking rendition of Wham!'s “Last Christmas.” Dacus doesn't perform these songs with any sense of snark; she's both enjoying herself and invested. Counting Bruce Springsteen's birthday as a holiday might be silly, but she nails “Dancing in the Dark,” turning it to her own aesthetic. The weird one here is “In the Air Tonight,” which smacks of irony and whatever we call guilty pleasures these days, but she plays it straight, arguing for it as a spooky Halloween cut, and sort of pulls it off.  

Focusing on the covers might lead listeners to forget how good a songwriter she is. The Mother's Day “My Mother & I” feels thoroughly like a Dacus number, opening with contemplation: “My mother hates her body / We share the same outline / She swears that she loves mine.” Holidays aren't easy. “Fool's Gold” (stick this New Year's track first or last) falls like snow, laden with regret and rationalization. Dacus works through holidays with care and concern. The covers might be fun (even the Phil Collins number works as a curiosity), but when she lets the more conflicted thoughts come through, as on “Forever Half Mast,” she maintains the hot streak. The EP might be a bit of a diversion, but its secret complexity makes it more surprisingly forceful. Justin Cober-Lake 

 Kool Keith — Computer Technology (Fat Beats)

Computer Technology by Kool Keith

Naming an album Computer Technology in 2019 is like calling a 1950 disc A Light Bulb. Ironic Luddite-ness is a part of the charm of the new Kool Keith’s album, his second this year. The record has a cyberpunk-ish (circa 1984) feel, thanks to wacky, early electronics-like beats that no sane hip hop artist today would agree to rap over. But who said Kool Keith was sane? He’s like a computer virus here, infesting a modern culture he views with disdain. His kooky brags could be written off as old man rants if he been in the rap game since day one. On “Computer Technology” he says: ‘You need to sit down and slow down’, yet he himself shows no signs of slowing down.

If Kool Keith’s 1980s science rap messed around in a high school lab, he’s now a tenured professor in hip hop science blowing up the joint.

Ray Garraty

 Leech — Data Horde (Peak Oil) 

Data Horde by Leech

Brian Foote’s work has a knack for showing up in slightly unexpected and subtly crucial places, whether it’s behind the scenes at Kranky and his own Peak Oil imprint, or as a member at times of Fontanelle or Nudge, or even just helping out Stephen Malkmus with drums. On Data Horde, his debut LP of electronic music under his Leech moniker, Foote works with his customary quiet assurance and subtly radical take on things, delivering a brief but satisfying set of bespoke productions that somehow evoke acid and ambient tinges at the same time, feinting towards full-out jungle eruptions before turning the corner and somehow naturally going somewhere much more minimal. Whether it’s the skittering, pulsing “Brace” or the lush and aptly-named “Nimble”, the results are consistently satisfying and the six tracks here suggest that we could stand to hear a lot more from Leech.  

Ian Mathers

Midnight Odyssey — Biolume Part 1: In Tartarean Chains (I, Voidhanger)

Biolume Part 1 - In Tartarean Chains by MIDNIGHT ODYSSEY

 Midnight Odyssey’s massive new record sounds like what might happen if Gary Numan’s Tubeway Army smoked up a bunch of Walter White’s finest product and decided that they must cover Pink Floyd’s Live at Pompei, complete with ruins and really big gongs. It’s interstellar. It’s perversely grandiose. The synths soar and rumble, the vocals come in mournful choral arrangements, the low end thunders and occasionally explodes into blast-beat barrage. It’s almost impossible to take seriously, and it’s presented with what seems like absolute seriousness. In any case, there’s a lot of it: seven tracks, all of which exceed the eight-minute mark, and most of which moan and intone and resonate well beyond ten minutes. You’ve got to give it to Dis Pater, the only identified member of Midnight Odyssey — he really means it. But it’s often hard to tell if Biolume Part 1 (Pater threatens that there are two more parts to come) is the product of an unchecked, idiosyncratically powerful vision or just goofball cosmological schmaltz. To this reviewer, it’s undecidable. And that’s interesting.

Jonathan Shaw

 Nakhane — You Will Not Die 

South African singer Nakhane Touré has a voice that can stop you in your tracks when he unleashes it, and a willingness to tackle uncomfortable topics (homosexuality, colonialism, and the way the imported Presbyterian church interacts with both) that’s seen him both praised and threatened in his homeland. You Will Not Die marks a shift in Nakhane’s music, both in terms of how directly and intensely he engages with those places where the sacred rubs up against, not so much the profane but the disavowed, even while sonically everything is lusher and brighter, whether it’s the slinky electroglam of “Interloper” or the bell-tolling balladry of “Presbyteria.” For once it’s worth seeking the deluxe edition, for the Bowie-esque Anohni duet “New Brighton” and the defiantly melancholy cover of “Age of Consent” alone.

 Matthew J. Rolin — Matthew J. Rolin (Feeding Tube)

Matthew J. Rolin by Matthew J. Rolin

Matthew J. Rolin steps to the head of the latest class of American Primitive guitarists on this self-titled debut LP. He is currently a resident of Columbus, Ohio, but his main inspirations from within the genre are Chicagoan. Reportedly a Ryley Walker concert sent him down the solo guitar path, but the one time this reviewer caught him in concert, Rolin only made one substance-oriented statement throughout the set, and it was more of a shy assertion than an extravagant boast. His sound more than pays the toll. Bright and ringing on 12 strings, pithy and structurally sound on six, he makes sparing use of outdoor sound and keyboard drones that bring Daniel Bachman to mind. Like Bachman did on his early records, Rolin often relies upon the rush of his fingerpicking to draw the listener along, and what do you know? It works.

Bill Meyer

  Claire Rousay — Aerophobia (Astral Spirits)

Aerophobia by Claire Rousay

To watch Claire Rousay perform is to see the process of deciding made visual. You can’t put that on a tape, but you can make the tape a symbolic and communicative object. To see Rousay repeatedly, or to play her recordings in sequence, is to hear an artist who is rapidly transforming. This one was already a bit behind her development when it was released, but that can be turned into a statement, too. Perhaps the title Aerophobia, which means fear of flying, is a critique of the tape’s essentially musical content? It is a series of drum solos, unlike the more the more recent t4t, which includes self-revealing speech and household sounds. If so, that critique does not reproach the music itself, nor should it. Even when you can’t see her, you can hear her sonic resourcefulness and appreciate the movement and shape she articulates with sound.

Bill Meyer

 Colin Andrew Sheffield & James Eck Rippie — Exploded View (Elevator Bath)

exploded view by colin andrew sheffield & james eck rippie

Colin Andrew Sheffield, who is the proprietor of the Elevator Bath imprint, and James Eck Rippie, who does sound work for Hollywood movies, have this understanding in common: they know that you gotta break things to make things. The things in question don’t even have to be intact when you start; at any rate, the feedback, microphone bumps, blips and skips that make up this 19-minute long piece of musique concrete sound like the product of generations of handling. It all feels a bit like you’re hearing a scan of the shortwave bands from inside the radio, which makes for delightfully disorienting listening.

Bill Meyer

 Ubik — Next Phase (Iron Lung)

Next Phase MLP (LUNGS-148) by UBIK

 Philip K. Dick’s whacko-existentialist-corporate-satire-cum-SF-novel Ubik turns 50 this year, and serendipitously, Australian punks Ubik have released this snarling, tuneful EP into the world. There’s a whole lot of British street punk, c. 1982, in Ubik’s sound, especially if that genre tag and year make you flash on Lurkers, Abrasive Wheels and Angelic Upstarts — bands that knew how to string melodic hooks together, and bands that had pretty solid lefty politics. Ubik’s songs couple street punk’s populist (in the pre-Trump sense) fist-pumping with a spastic, elastic angularity, giving the tracks just enough of a weirdo vibe that the band’s name makes sense. The combination of elements is vividly present in “John Wayne (Is a Cowboy (and Is on Twitter)),” a hugely fun punk song that registers a fair degree of ideological venom as it bashes and speeds along. Somewhere, Horselover Fat is nodding his head and smiling. 

Jonathan Shaw

 Uranium Club — Two Things at Once (Sub Pop)

Uranium Club (sometimes Minneapolis Uranium club) made one of the best punk albums of this year in The Cosmo Cleaners. “A visionary insanity, backed by impressive musical chops,” I opined in Dusted last April, setting off a frenzy of interest and an epic major label bidding war. Just kidding. Hardly anyone noticed. Uranium Club was this year’s Patois Counselors, a band so good that it made no sense that no one knew about them. But, fast forward to now and LOOK at the heading of this review! Sub Pop noticed and included Uranium Club in its storied singles club. And why not? The bluntly named “Two Things at Once,” (Parts I and 2), is just as tightly, maniacally wound as the full-length, just as gloriously, spikily confrontational. “Part 1” scrambles madly, pulling hair out by the roots as it agitatedly considers “our children’s creativity” and whether “I’m too young to die.” It’s like Fire Engines, but faster and crazier and with big pieces of machinery working loose and flying off the sides. “Part 2” runs slower and more lyrically but with no less intensity, big flayed slashes of discord rupturing its meditative strumming. There are no words in it, and yet you sense deep, obsessive bouts of agitation driving its motor, even when the brass comes in, unexpectedly, mournfully, near the end. This is the good stuff, and no one wants you to know about it. Except me. And now Sub Pop. Don’t miss out.

Jennifer Kelly

 Various Artists— Come on up to the House: Women Sing Waits (Dualtone)

Come On Up To The House: Women Sing Waits by Dualtone Music Group, Inc.

Tom Waits’ gravelly voice is embedded deep in the fabric of how we think of Tom Waits songs. You can’t think of “Come On Up to the House” without sandpapery catch in its gospel curves, or of “Downtown Train” without his strangled desolation; he is the songs, and if you don’t like the way he sings, you’ve probably never cared much for his recordings. And yet, here, in this all-woman, star-studded, country-centric collection of covers, you can hear, maybe for the first time, how gracefully constructed these songs are, how pretty the melodies, how well the lyrics fit to them. You cannot believe how different these songs sound with women singing. It is truly revelatory. Contributors include big stars (Aimee Mann, Corinne Rae Bailey), living legends (Iris Dement, Roseanne Cash), up-and-comers (Courtney Marie Andrews, Phoebe Bridgers) and a few emerging artists (Joseph, The Wild Reeds), and all have a case to make. Phoebe Bridgers distills “Georgia Lee” into a quiet, tragic purity, while Angie McMahon finds a private, inward-looking clarity in “Take It With Me.” Courtney Marie Andrews blows up “Downtown Train,” into a swaggering country anthem, while Roseanne Cash infuses “Time” with a warm, unforced glow. These versions transform weird, twisted reveries into American songbook classics, which is what they maybe were, under all that growling, all along.

Jennifer Kelly

[haveamagicalday]

My 2018 Reads

Let me start by saying that I have read almost 100 books this year (some short stories but I like to count those too) I’m going to make a separate list for my top ten but here are the other ones!

4 Stars

Two Dark Reigns by Kendare Blake 

This is the third book in the Three Dark Crowns series. It’s a dark tale about three sisters who have to compete against each other for the crown. There are a lot of characters to follow which means they aren’t always that well developed but the story is so so enthralling.

The Cheerleaders by Kara Thomas 

Loosely based on real events, the novel follows Monica whose older sister was one of five cheerleaders to die under mystery circumstances. Five years after the deaths, Monica discovers something that could help her solve what really happened. This was a gripping read with some great twists

Beneath the Haunting Sea by Joanna Ruth Meyer

This book flew under the radar this year which is a shame because it was a great read. Talia gets banished to a dreary island where she stumbles upon ancient legends that may be more real than she realizes. I will admit, the first third of this book was a little wack. It was like a different book but it got much better once she got to the island.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

A melancholy tale of a trio of ghosts that lure young boys to their deaths each summer. Our main character is a life long resident of the town who is just trying to make it through the summer. I’ll admit, it got a little messy in the end but for a debut novel, I thought it was very engaging. 

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

I’m late on this one, I know. Rachel commutes to work everyday. Then one day she sees something she wasn’t supposed too that leads her down a dark spiral to find out what really happened. Definitely a turn pager that has more than one mystery to solve. 

The Woman in the Window by AJ Finn

This year’s breakout mystery/suspense novel. Anna is confined to her house, spending her days in a group chat or playing online chest. When a seemingly perfect family moves in across from her, she becomes entangled in a mystery when she sees something she shouldn’t one night. An unreliable narrator will keep you guessing what’s real and what’s not.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han

If you love the movie, you will love the book. An adorable, sweet read! 

3.5 Stars

Scream All Night by Derek Milman

Dario grew up on the set of various B-horror movies. That’s because his family owns the studio that makes them. Dario has tried to distance himself from his family but is forced to return when his brother invites him to a very special event involving their father. Darkly funny and unique, this was a twisted take on a young man coming to terms with his past.

The Coldest Girl in Coldtown by Holly Black

Vampires are on the rise and to accommodate them all, the US government creates quarantined cities known as Coldtowns. Vampires must live in Coldtowns but for humans, it’s optional. But once you are in, it’s nearly impossible to get out. Holly Black creates an imaginative take on vampires. The book starts off a little slow but really picks up when our main character arrives at Coldtown. My only complaint is that this wasn’t a series. There was so much packed into this book that could have easily been expanded upon over the course of a few books.

Sometimes I Lie by Alice Feeney

Amber is in a coma. She can’t move or remember anything but she’s pretty sure her husband has something to do with her current state. The book alternates between past and present as Amber struggles to remember what happened to her. I found some of the twists convoluted and kooky but they were definitely original. Trigger Warning: there is a very graphic rape scene 

3 Stars

Final Girls by Riley Sager

Quincy is one of 3 media named Final Girls; the last ones standing during a horror movie like massacre that killed their friends. Now Quincy is all grown up but still trying to forget what happened the night her friends were murdered  when one of the other Final Girls shows up at her doorstep, forcing her to revisit her past.

Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust

A Snow White retelling with a unique twist! Mina, the future queen, has a heart made of glass, crafted by her magician father. Lynet, our Snow White, is the spitting image of her dead mother. Then one day Lynet discovers that the king had hired Mina’s father to craft Lynet out of snow in her mother’s image after she died. Alternating between Mina’s past and Lynet’s present, this is a sweet and simple fairytale retelling!

Hex Hall series by Rachel Hawkins

Sophie is a teenaged witch with wayward powers. She gets sent to Hex Hall, a magical reform school, to learn how to better control her powers. This book was a fun read. I think I would have liked it more if I were still a teenager. The stakes never really seemed all that high but it was fairly entertaining.

Sea Witch by Sarah Henning. 

The Little Mermaid from the point of view of the sea witch. Well, sort of. Evie is a witch, best friends with a prince, whose other best friend, Anna drowned when they were children. Now, a girl who bears a striking resemblance to Anna, appears on the beach one day and she is determined to make the prince fall in love with her. Honestly, I was far more interested in Annemette than Evie. I think this would have been a really interesting story from her point of view instead.

To Kill and Kingdom by Alexandra Christo

Another Little Mermaid retelling but this time, the mermaid is a siren whose mission is to steal the prince’s heart. Literally. The first chapter of this book made it seem like this would be much darker than it ended up being. The romance was a little weak but still, this was an interesting take on the tale and an enjoyable read.

The Enchanted Sonata by Heather Dixon Wallwork

A Nutcracker retelling. In this version, Clara is a musician who receives a mysterious nutcracker on Christmas. She ends up whisked away to a magical world where all the children have been turned into toys and it seems that her, and her music, is the only thing that can turn them back. The Nutcracker is very dear to me, so I was overly critical of this book. It didn’t bear too much resemblance to the ballet or original fairy tale and it read more middle grade than YA. Still it was a cute read.

And the Ocean Was Our Sky by Patrick Ness

I absolutely loved A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness so I was excited for this. It was very different than what I was expecting. Simply put, this is Moby Dick told from the perspectives of whales. It was bizarre and I don’t really think I understood it fully but I’ve also never read Moby Dick before. The pictures were beautiful though and it is a very quick read.

Imposters by Scott Westerfeld

A new series that takes place in the Uglies universe. Frey and Rafi are twins but people only know Rafi. Frey has been raised to fight and be Rafi’s body double. I really enjoyed this book because of it’s connection to Uglies. Had I not read Uglies as a teen, I’m not sure this book would have held up on its own.

Lucy in the Sky

From the same author that did Go Ask Alice, this book is presented as a diary of a young girl that spirals out of control due to drug use. Objectively, this book isn't that great. The writing is poor, the story is unrealistic and it almost seems to glorify drugs rather than turn you off to them. BUT, it's enticing just like the other books in this series. It pulls you in and you want to keep reading. I read it in one sitting. 

From Twinkle, with Love by Sandhya Menon

Twinkle is an aspiring film director. With the help of a geeky classmate, Twinkle embarks on making her first film for a local film festival. Along the way, Twinkle learns about friendship, family and love. A delightful fluffy read for fans of romantic comedies.

What Should be Wild by Julia Fine

This is a hard book to describe. Our main character is a girl who has been kept hidden from society due to a rare gift (or curse perhaps). Anything she touches dies, and anything that’s already dead comes back to life due to her touch as well. The story was bizarre and not entirely satisfying but it certainly was intriguing. I think it boils down to a matter of taste and I’m sure others could find much more merit in it than I did! 

Love & Gelato by Jenna Evans Welch

After the death of her mother, Lina is spending the summer in Italy with a father she never knew. While there, she is given her mother’s old journal which sends her down a journey to her mother’s past. With her mother’s guidance Lina discovers the magic that Italy has to offer. A cute and heartfelt read with some classic teen romance.

Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson

 Mila’s best friend is dead and she wants to know who is responsible. So why not ask her? With an old grimoire, Mila finds a sleep to bring her best friend back and accidentally brings back two other murdered girls as well. With the spell’s limited time Mila and her undead girl gang try to solve the mysterious behind their deaths. Quirky, fun but also enthralling, this is a very original book.

Spellbook of the Lost and Found by Moira Fowley-Doyle

Best friends Olive and Rose begin to lose things. First it’s only small things but soon bigger things are going lost. Everything changes for the two when they meet 3 strangers in the woods and a mysterious spell book. At times, this was a very confusing read. I’m still not sure I fully understood it but the story was engaging and fairy tale like. A lovely read.

Far Far Away by Tom McNeal

A modern fairy tale like read. What starts off as a whimsical turns drastically dark as the story progresses. Our main character, Jeremy is somewhat of an outcast but attracts the attention of an outgoing and outspoken local girl. The most interesting aspect of this book is that Jeremy is able to speak to ghosts and the ghost of Jacob Grimm (who wrote all those fairy tales) has been his friend for years. Entirely random but a fantastic addition.

The Darkest Corners by Kara Thomas

Another YA thriller from Thomas. This was her first novel and I think it shows. It’s weaker than the other books she has written but still good. However, the last 3rd felt like a completely different book which was a bit jarring. If you like murder mystery/unsolved crimes, you’ll like this but definitely check out her other books too!

How to Hang a Witch by Adriana Mather

Our main character is a descendant of Cotton Mather, the man who sentenced women to their deaths during the Salem Witch Trails. Samantha moves to Salem with her stepmother and finds that she is not welcomed by her fellow classmates, descendants of the witches. And it turns out there might actually be some magic in Salem after all. This was silly fun. I was expecting something more like Chilling Adventures of Sabrina but that’s not the tone of this book at all. The love triangle was a little annoying and there was a reveal that was bizarre but overall it was an entertaining book.

Renegades by Marissa Meyer

I absolutely loved the Cinder series and Heartless but I wasn’t feeling this one so much. There’s nothing really wrong with it, the characters are well developed and the writing is good, however I just couldn’t gather any enthusiasm for it. I will say that the writing was rather slow and I felt that the book could have been a lot shorter than it was but if you like superheroes and villains, you should like this.

2.5 Stars

Ever by Gail Carson Levine

This is a retelling of the Biblical tale about Jephthah but had more of a Greek mythology feel with a cast of many gods and goddesses. It was a weird mixture of mythology and focused on a very weak romance. I think this book was aimed more for middle grade and might be more enjoyable for them.

Midnight Sun by Trish Cook

Yes, I read the novelization of the Bella Thorne movie that came out earlier this year. Yes, it was poorly written, the plot was laughable, and the romance cheesy. But, it was a quick read that kept my interest. 

2 Stars

My Plain Jane by Cynthia Hand, Jodi Meadows and Brodi Ashman

I received this in my owlcrate and I’m still wondering why. The book is a retelling of Jane Eyre combined with ghostbusters because in this version, Jane can talk to ghosts. There’s also a secret ghost hunting society that wants recruit her but she’d rather be a nanny for Mr. Rochester. I really didn’t like this. The attempt at humor throughout was almost painful, the characters were dumb and I don’t understand why this book exists in the first place. I think it would have been better if it was just about Victorian era ghost hunters and not incorporate Jane Eyre in any way. This is part of a series in which the authors rewrite (very quirkily!) famous stories starring a character named Jane. From the reviews I read, their first book, My Lady Jane, was much better but I don’t even want to attempt to read it after this one.

September Girls by Bennett Madison

This is one of those books that I kept reading because of how bad it was. Sam is spending the summer in a small beach town that is overfilled with The Girls. That’s what Sam calls them because they are all blonde and beautiful. Turns out they are some sort of mermaid? It’s never really explained and they are all cursed and need to have sex with a virgin man in order to be free. Enter our sexist virgin, Sam. The women are written terribly, referred to as sluts and shanks and their asses and breasts are always mentioned. I have no idea how this book got published. But damn, was it fun to laugh at. Number of breast/chest/boob mentions: 27

Poetry (Both 5 Stars)

The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace

This book felt very personal to me (like I was reading the author’s inner thoughts) and I couldn’t always relate to some of the poems. I felt that the sequel dealt more with women’s issues on a whole and has something all women could relate too. Her poems are breathtaking though and so powerful.

The Witch Doesn’t Burn in This One by Amanda Lovelace

I picked this up out of curiosity and ended up reading it in one sitting. It is absolutely stunning. I think every woman should read this. Hell, I think every man should read this too. I can’t wait for the third one!

Short stories

The Language of Thorns: Midnight Tales and Dangerous Magic by Leigh Bardugo (5 Stars)  

Holy smokes, this was breathtaking! A collection of six short stories based on fairy tales/mythology. The stories are so utterly original though. Clever, satisfying with feminist themes. This is a must read for fairy tale lovers! 

Amazon’s Dark Corners Collection by Various Authors

I happened to see this advertised on Goodreads and got it for free on Amazon Kindle Cloud Reader. This collection is 7 short stories of the horror variety. It’s hard to rate these since they are all written by different authors. I didn’t find any of these stories all that scary though. More so just sad. Interesting, but not all that gripping. My favorite stories were Miao Dao by Joyce Carol Oates and Sleep Tight Motel by Lisa Unger but I wouldn’t really recommend the others. Trigger Warning: The Remedy deals with depression and suicide and has a rather offensive/problematic ending. 

Snow, Glass, Apples by Neil Gaiman (4 Stars)

This is a very dark retelling of Snow White from the queen’s point of view. Snow White is not the darling princess she is often portrayed as. This short story is very adult but not overly graphic. You can read it for free at the link I provided. 

Matchless by Gregory Maguire (3 Stars)

A quick reimagining of The Little Match Girl. The main character isn’t the match girl but a young boy whose life intertwines with the match girl’s. This short story didn’t add anything new to the story since it’s focuses on an original character. The match girl is just briefly there. My feelings for this were mutual. 

Re-reads

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares (5/4 Stars)

One of my favorite summer rereads!

Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot  (5 stars)

Just as delightful and funny as the first time I read the series as a young teen

Keeping the Moon by Sarah Dessen (5 Stars

I’ve gotten into the habit of rereading this book every summer. It’s a book that can be read in one sitting and is so heartfelt.

Just Listen by Sarah Dessen (5 Stars)

This is my all time favorite Sarah Dessen novel. I highly recommend all of her novels.

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black (4 Stars)

This takes place in the same world as the Cruel Prince. Some of the characters even appear in the latter novel. This is a standalone that reads like a modern fairy tale.

[midge-maisel]

Why you don't want gmw to be picked up?

its an accumulation of things tbh

bc the quality of the show has dipped severely and i think it’d be silly to put all the blame on disney for it- i honestly believe michael jacobs isn’t nearly as good of a writer as people like to make him out to be.

bc i’m worried if the show continues he’ll do to riley what he did to eric. eric started out as this loveable but slightly naive dude but he wasn’t like, ridicuously dumb. as the series went on he fell into the “joey” trope and got even more ridic. 

bc i’m a bitter shawngela stan that will never forgive

bc i honestly don’t think michael jacobs knows how to write female friendships. i like the idea of riley/maya more than the actual “product” if you will. they’re honestly so mean to each other and not in a jokingly manner like friends are. bc i’m tired of two female friends being pitted against each other over a boy.

bc the fandom is wack and the cast [besides uriah who deserves nothing] deserves better

bc even though i wanted them to delve into more serious issues, i don’t trust michael jacobs with the results. fuck, he couldn’t even get a female writer or female director to be a part of an episode LITERALLY ABOUT FEMINISM. next he’ll get white ppl to write about racism against zay!!!

to further my last point, every “lesson” on this show felt forced. this, imo, is partly the bmw audiences fault because they constantly were messaging ben and danielle and michael before the show even aired to be assured the show would have “lessons” but… that was never what boy meets world was about. it was a coming of age show that happened to teach lessons, and the “forced” feel of some of them was just so 90s it worked. it doesn’t in the 2010s.

constant lack of character development from anyone that isn’t riley or maya, and even when they have development its constantly just retconned the next episode. see: maya “i finally have hope!!!” *next episode* “y’all my life is the worst” [exaggeration but you get my point]

the show is fake deep

etc etc etc theres more but i cant rlly think off the top of my head

i realize that this is a lot and some of it you may disagree with or find petty and you’re more than entitled to disagree w/me. i would still watch the show bc i’m in it till the bitter end at this point and also recognize that this show isnt FOR ME as a 21-year-old woman and so many of my issues just… really arent relevant. but yeah!!!! again pls dont kill me for this ok. 

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F”-1/26-1/27- “Too Many New Comics and a Packed Intermission”

Let’s get the rundown going for these three shows my little sweet things. Get your kisses ready, because it is going to be a wild ride.

1/26

I spent my whole day doing basically nothing. It was awesome. I kind of chilled and relaxed. I didn’t go up to DC to do shows like I thought because I had prior engagements I needed to take care of, and had a show in town.

I ended up going over to Intermission Beer Co. Which is a room that is run by James Isaiah Muñoz, but typically he has Jacob McFadden guest host. This night is no different. Usually there is about 7 to 8 comics, and maybe that many audience members. It is a good room though because it is always nice to stretch your legs and do more time.  

I get there and Jacob has the list already started. There is already like 15 names on it, and I don’t know half of them. it is insane. It is more and more new comics every day in this city. I get my name on the list and start hanging out. Then the craziest thing happens. A SHIT LOAD OF PEOPLE SHOW UP. Now this mic is always fun, but it isn’t the most heavily attended. I’ve done about half of them and it is usually like 10 to 12 people, and one Saturday there was about 20. When it is all said and done and the show starts there has to be close to 60 people at this show.

The good news is there are a few of my friends at the show. Brandon Beswick showed up, and so did Bryan Williams, Moe Singleton, Mu Cuzzo, Ben Oliver, etc. It is going to be a fun show. Other than those dudes though everybody else is like 3 months into standup. There was 5 first timers and they all brought audience members. So Jacob did the professional move and put them all in the later part of the show.

Beswick is up 7th and I am up 9th. Everyone before us is new af to comedy. But the audience is into the show. Jacob opens up and has an ok hosting set, and then the parade of comedy starts. Each comic isn’t doing bad. The crowd hasn’t cracked yet, but they’re enjoying it. When Brandon goes up he finally cracks them with his last bit. His joke about vagina’s being stronger than it is given credit for destroys. Then after him is a new guy called Black Aladdin. He told Jacob to just call him Black. Jacob refused.

I go up and have a super fun set. I do newer stuff, that needs to get polished. It works really well. They were talking when I started so I let them settle in before going into my bits. Problems with China did really well and then so did my joke about Witches. I’d give this set a B. I’m in a good place and get to enjoy the rest of the show. All in all it was fun. A lot of the new comics were pretty freaking bad, but that is to be expected. Except for this brand new female comic Ameta Rao. She had some good energy, and fun jokes. I dug her style and hope she sticks with it. She has potential for sure. We talked after the show, and I told her about the open mics and invited her to Hot Garden the next night.

During the show there was this asshole couple. They were there to see some old broad do jokes for the first time. Julie or Julia or something I don’t remember. He absolutely loved the show. He kept laughing and having fun (unless he really didn’t like the comic then you could audibly hear him sighing). His wife on the other hand hated comedy. Every time he would laugh you could hear her say this sucks. They tried and failed to leave in an uber like 7 separate times. He’d tell her to call it and then he’d sneak back in to watch a comic, she’d come in upset, he’d tell her to call an uber, he’d sneak back in to see a comic, and this went on and on. They ended up staying for the whole show, but their energy was wack af.

After the show Bryan, Moe, Jacob, and I went to BWW to watch the rest of the VT basketball game, and grab a bit to eat. After that I headed home to get a good night’s rest before the two shows the next night.

1/27

I started my day by going to The Altria Theatre and watching Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets with a live orchestra. It was super dope, and a killer way to start my day. I had these tickets for a few months, and had been eagerly waiting for it to happen. It also was just relaxing to do that and not have to think about comedy.

After this I head over to the first open mic of the night over at Thirsty’s on Southside. It is a cajun gay friendly bar right next to Crossroads Coffee. I get there early and hang with Bryan and Mu for a bit. The host is an improvisor named Carsen Young. I”ve never seen him before, but it looks like there is going to be a pretty good crowd. We’ve got a couple comics I’ve never seen before there either. 

I start to sit down and relax and think about my set and Bryan comes over to me and is like, “Hey do you want to go first, the host asked me but I told him if you want someone to really do well you should ask Winston,” So I agree but I then chewed Bryan out and told him to not volunteer me to do something like that again. It puts me in a bad position, and I’ve been doing it longer than everyone else there. I shouldn’t have to go first unless I want to. I know that’s a crap thing to say, but in the moment it was extremely frustrating. I don’t mind going first, but I've never been to this room before. I don’t know if the host is going to do any time, I don’t know if the PA sucks, I don’t know what type of crowd this is. I like to at least go second to get a good read so that it will be productive. Either way I agree, but I thought it was a good teachable moment for Bryan as far as volunteering someone else’s time like that. 

So Carsen goes up and starts the show. The PA is horrendous. It is muffled and shitty. He does 90 seconds of comedy and invites me on stage. This is exactly what I feared. I go up and the mic is crap. I put it down and start to treat my set like a Ted Talk. I am doing well. My jokes are working, but I am basically doing the job of the host warming up the crowd. They then hand me another microphone. Which also does not work. So I just put that one down as well. My jokes are going fine, but it is an incredibly frustrating situation. They hand me a third mic and I’m just like no. I’m going to finish my set like this. I’d give my set a C. The jokes went well, but the PA troubles were difficult to deal with. A productive set, but definitely not my best.

I then head over to The Hof Garden Dark Room. I am hosting there for the 10 pm late show. I get there and there’s nobody. I fear we are going to have a terrible show. It is just a few comics and we’ve got like 30 minutes before the show starts. 

The hang is fun though before the show. Bert Martling, Kate Carroll, Mu Cuzzo, Ben Oliver, Brandon Beswick, Alex Castagne, were there. It was a fun chill time of ball busting. Eventually Alan Vann showed up, and Ameta Rao from Intermission brought some friends. A handful of other people show up so I decide to start the show. 

I have really fun hosting set. My newer stuff is working. It is working enough that I realize I really need to add some more to it, or write some new jokes. Everything is getting a laugh and I have a fun 7 minutes just warming up the crowd. I’d give this set a B-. 

The show keeps going strong and ends up being a lot of fun. Alex has a really good set and gets a dude to admit to cumming in a lady’s sock during sex. Beswick has a hot one, Ameta did well, and everyone else had some good points in their set. Dylan Vattelana showed up and so did Rebecca Hyman and Moe Singleton. 

We all finish up and Rebecca closes on a song. That after hearing 5 times I now know every word to. So I am in the back singing and dancing and just having a blast. I was in a great mood. A group of us head over to En Su Boca afterwards to stuff our faces with wings, tacos, and chips. All in all an amazing night. I head home and pass out. Ready to do it all again the next day.

THAT IS IT. We are only one day behind. Which isn’t too bad laydees! I had some interesting stuff going on Monday. So can’t wait to talk about that. Make sure to follow @hostbattlecomedy and @winstonhcomedy on IG! To see all the shows coming up. Follow me following my dreams. XOXO love you baybees!

[thesinglesjukebox]

DJ KHALED FT. JUSTIN BIEBER, CHANCE THE RAPPER & QUAVO - NO BRAINER

[2.12]

Another "One"...

Andy Hutchins: So very appropriately named. Khaled runs back "I'm the One" with the same lineup -- minus the one guy who tried hard enough to come with "straight up out the Crescent, fly your bae down for the Essence" for that hot mess -- and nearly the same formula: The infamously newly engaged Bieber does his louche douche act as if it were appealing even before that, Quavo could not be phoning his verse in any more if he had literally done it, and Chance is simultaneously embarrassed by his company and excited to be considered the caviar on the plate. This is slightly shorter, but that comes at the expense of giving the chipmunk sproing of the beat any space to breathe -- there just had to be an incoherent three-part Bieber hook and a Bieber verse here, huh? So this is "The" ... [1]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Re-doing "I'm the One" but replacing 2017 Quavo with 2018 Quavo, exultant, post-fame Chance with pissy, post-backlash Chance, and Lil Wayne with Justin Bieber was never a good idea, but "No Brainer" fails to reach even the incredibly low bar that its concept sets up. Quavo's verse alone is so dire that it inspires real concerns about the viability of DJ Khaled's whole enterprise. [1]

Ashley John: The bumbling, meandering flip side to "I'm the One" where you wake up the morning after and see him in the light without the blurred glow of rum and Cokes. [3]

Tobi Tella: This is one of the most blatant attempts at grabbing a hit I've seen recently, and yet everything about it is so un-catchy, bland and uninteresting that it's hard to even look at it as a real song. It's clear that Chance and especially Quavo are phoning it in, and even Bieber trying to inject some life doesn't do much when he's given that nothing of a chorus. DJ Khaled has proven to not have very many tricks in his bag (see: trying to remake "Shining" with "Top Off") and this boring retread is showing his diminishing returns. [3]

Alfred Soto: These exercises in multi-platform stream maximizing aren't joyless so much as allergic to joy. Up and down it goes, each performer mouthing his prescreened allotments of macho testifying. The title writes its own jokes, but I won't flatter Khaled. [1]

Nortey Dowuona: Justin sucks, Quavo is lazy and Chance... is actually hilariously wack, which makes me give him some points. The music itself is lazy, average pop trap which bears no brunt of problems -- everyone else fucked up. [2]

Maxwell Cavaseno: Still staggered that the industry expects RnBass aesthetics to be all we should do in 2018, years and years after the style peaked creatively. Bieber here sounds surprisingly pitchy, Quavo is per usual just the limit of his generic capabilities, Chance is a bunch of infantile chortles to make up for no personality. It's not that such an industry identikit record could come out from a braintrust as this lot that has me astonished as much as the fact that we've LITERALLY had this record before from them, and far less cynically! [3]

Will Adams: Finally, DJ Khaled's cry of "another one!" achieves its inevitable connotation of rote mill-churning. [3]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[survivorsinnoh]

Rites of Passage

Drew - you didn’t deserve what you got Jordan - Matt I love you so much I wish this game wasn't ugly and you weren't first boot <3 Logan - I never got to play with you, but I hope you’re doing lovely!

Drew - The only ghostie to die when we were still ghosties, the game never even knew you existed. RIP Taylor….. <3 Emma and Salem Jordan - idk you Logan - I hope you’re having a great day, sorry we never got the chance to play! Steven - an okay team member but didn't really do much to stand out

Drew - ngl I was glad you weren’t in the game anymore after Aegean, playing with you is a trip, but I’m sorry for whatever was going on in your life that you couldn’t commit yourself to this game Jordan - I was sad you left but you didn't even vote so there isn't much I could have done to save you Logan - Dani, you my favorite cracked child. I loved playing with you, I’m sorry it ended homie. Steven - fun while they lasted

Drew - idk you Jordan - idk you Logan - I also never got to play with you, but obligatory have a great day!

Drew - KING OF AEGEAN SEA we could’ve secretly raised hell huh, no one would’ve seen us coming Jordan - idk you Logan - I never got to play with you but I love you my sweet son. 

Drew - Sorry you went from F13 to F19 and then got voted out, that must have been a rough life to get a worse placement than the number of people you thought were in the season Jordan - you are so sweet and funny just not the most active Logan - YOU WILL FIND YOUR SHEBREW, HAPPY NEW YEAR Steven - I wish I got to know you more

Drew - the winner of the season and we all know it Jordan - ugh I really wish you would have stuck through this game because I really wanted to work with you and make it to the end with you love you queen

Logan - I hope you’re doing fabulous lovely, and I hope the reason you felt you had to go has resolved or is doing better. You deserve the world, hun. Steven - you were a fun tribe member to have around

Drew - Listen I’m aware that you will probably never see this but I’m about to get super emotional so I’m sorry to everyone else who has to read this. Getting to play a season with you two years after Malaysia, when I thought you’d never come back to the community, and seeing you a little in Hosts, and then through the entirety of Circle, and finally getting to go through a little of what we went through here in Sinnoh was a huge deal to me and felt like some closure I didn’t know I wanted from that era of my org life. I fully support your reasons for leaving this game, and from the little I see from your snap it looks like it was the right decision for you, but I broke down and cried when you told me because I thought we’d have more time. This game was not ready for the both of us, and if you’d stayed??? Babe I’ve managed to raise some hell in this game but together we would have had this whole place wrapped up like a puppet show on strings. These kids are lucky they never had to see what we could pull off….I love you, kid. Jordan - I'm sorry you had to quit I hope your life is going ok <3 Logan - I never got to meet you, but I’ve heard such amazing things. I hope you’re feeling okay <3 Steven - I wish you could've stayed in longer

Drew - The real victim of the aforementioned “Things Scott And I Can Pull Off” Jordan - who dat Logan - Ah my love, I hope you’re also doing okay, sorry you had to go. Steven - There can only be one Brit XD

Drew - BABEEEEEEEEEEE you dun goofed huh, I really did everything I could to set us both up to make merge and it didn’t work out and I’m crushed for that, but we’ll always have the food court ;) Getting to meet you while this game was still happening was something special <3 GOOD LUCK IN ISLA DE LAS MUNECAS, I'll keep the Jacob Candle™ lit for you!!! Jordan - 

using my super idol Logan - AH IT WAS SO GOOD WHILE IT LASTED. I hope you’re doing swell! Steven - talked to me a lot during the game and I thank him for that

Drew - It always ends up being you dying a split second before merge in games we play together these days...I’m sorry you died in that way and partially by my hand, but you don’t come for a ghostie!!! I tried to warn y’all...much like with Scott, we hadn’t seen as much of each other as I’d have liked since Malaysia, so getting to reconnect with you through these games and Andalucia has been really important to me. Jordan - I like to think we boned a bit in this game even though you are one of my best friends.

Logan - You were robbed, I’m sorry that you had to go. We were so good together and I’m glad this game was better than the last.

Drew - (1/2) I’m eulogizing you and Eric together because you were both my people and I tried to protect you and I failed you both. We tried to prepare ourselves for what was gonna come next, but...Between my status coming into merge, the fact that it was the merge vote, and a double vote with so many people on top of that, …... Jordan - we never talk in games  so idk you that well Logan - Oh my wild cracked ass love. I love your kittens and I love YOU! Steven - you did so well to stay in as long as you did

Drew - (2/2) I was too scattered to fight for what I wanted, and I let the game happen to me instead of imposing myself and my will on the game. And because of it, I lost you both, my two ghosties, just as I finally got to see you again. Y’all were my turning point in the game, when I decided that for better or worse, I was not gonna play scared for the rest of the season. I’m sorry it happened a round too late. Jordan - I was shook when you left. I didn't expect that to happen at all but we didn't talk so I guess it worked out for me Logan - Congrats on jury!! I hope this game was fun for you, and I hope it ends well for you too. Hope your day is great. Steven - was strong and helped us ghosties

Drew - Highkey the person I was most scared of, your conversation style throws me off my game. There’s a directness and a bite to it that will serve you so well in these games. I don’t meet all that many people who are new to me in games anymore, and this was our first game together, even though we knew each other briefly before that, so you were probably my biggest delight. Jordan - easy the hardest decision I had to make this whole game. Backstabbing you was a big regret but I knew it needed to happen if I wanted a chance Logan - BIG HEART EMOJI!! You were Robbed tm Steven - you always checked in on me when I was asleep XD

Drew - Eye for an eye, bitch!!! Our conversation the day you left when you knew you were leaving and knew it was because I was killing you? One of the highlights of the season, Chicago snapchat included. Drewbert (Andalucia/Normandy Host) [1:39:44AM]: me @ Zach out of games: I LOVE THIS PERSON, BEST FRAND EVER 12/10 WOULD FRIEND AGAIN me @ Zach in games: okay but he so sketchy thooooooooo me after I inevitably kill Zach or he inevitably kills me: wow but we could've done so much damage together whew Jordan - daddy voting me out <3 Logan - For once, you died for me. Are we even now? I love you.

Drew - MY BABY BOY we always end up here on opposite sides of the line and I can’t wait to see what kind of things you said about me in your confessionals this time <3 You were the last of the trio I wasn’t working with so it was the last of the “easy” choices I had to make but it still lowkey sucked. Pulling off a 4-3-2 though??? Cool. Jordan - I'm sorry the ugliest got you. Fuck drew honestly I enjoyed talking to you when we finally got to be on the same tribe and I was sad when you left Logan - my sweet son. You are so good, you’re so pure, and I’m sorry we had to stop being together in this game. You are fabulous.

Drew - (1/2) BILLY my Johto ride-or-die and one of the people I talk to most without a game attached because there’s something really comforting about talking to you. I’m combining you and Gaston for the purposes of this because it broke pieces of me to write both of your names down. I didn’t do either vote until the last five minutes, which I’m sure Jay has loved from me, but the surety that it was the right move for the numbers to keep all of the options and failsafes I needed but it…... Jordan - you weren't very active in this season and keeping you around didn't feel fair to the people who wanted to play Logan - From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry. Steven - you got slammed by those you thought of trusting

Drew - (2/2) didn’t make it any easier to do. Gaston especially, I was so shocked when it turned out to be you, I only knew I needed someone from that trio to leave but I thought it would be Mitch, I never dreamed they’d flip onto you after two times of failing to get him out. I’m sorry that in the two times we’ve played together recently, I haven’t been the ally you deserve. Jordan - I honestly loved talking to you the one time we actually spoke bgdjhfvdjhbnfdvij I think you were a big threat to me though. Logan - I LOVED PLAYING WITH YOU AND GETTING TO KNOW YOU! You are so fun, and while your sleeping schedule is wack, it was awesome chatting. Live it up! Steven - There's no one like Gaston

Drew - After more than a year and a half of knowing each other, I’m running out of amazing things to say about you. As an adversary, I knew what had to be done as soon as Wings Over Water was announced as the comp, but I went into work an hour early and played through my lunch break to try and make it so I could keep you one more round. You’ll always be best friend material. Jordan - you know I adore you and that I didn't want to have to vote you out but it had to happen and I didn't think I had a shot in hell against you Logan - I’m sorry. I loved working with you, you’re truly an amazing ally and an amazing person to be around. You own the pun king crown.  Steven - You were a power player who got shut down

Drew - I have no words. I love you and while this is the ending I’d been planning for some time now, I wish so much that it had come under different circumstances. I’ll always be around if you ever want to talk but I understand that if that happens, it will take time. I’m sorry. Jordan - I'm honestly sorry I made you feel like shit as you left and I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I know I backstab you a lot in these games but just know I never mean to hurt your feelings because I do consider you a friend.

Logan - YOU DID SO GOOD. You played this game so hard, and I truly believe you would have won had you made it to the end. I’m so proud of you I can’t even speak to it. Steven - you tried so hard and got so far. But in the end. It didn't even matter

Drew - Steven the first time we played together was almost a year and a half ago and we didn't get to see much of each other. I'm always gonna be grateful we got a chance to try again and see as much as we did together, after spending so much time with the Gorlleys. I don't know if this was your first Survivor since Atlantis, but I hope you surprised and impressed yourself with how far you were able to make it. It was a true delight to work with you. Jordan - Arcy you are jays boyfriend so I support you even though we never talked Logan - Im love u ur such a good bean

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 7 “a clusterf*ck of paranoia”- Daisy

WEFUC K WE  SDFEDSX JUST VTOTED OUT KAREN FUCK AND I'M TRYNA RALLY OUR SPIRTS SBACK UP AND THEN ISAAC STARTS REMOVIN PEOPLE'S GRASSY ASSES FUCK FUKFCJD FUFK FUCK WE FEDS THIS HAS GOT TO BE A FUCKING MERBE A MERGE AT 14 HOLY GOLLY GOSH GOOD MOLLY MOSH WHAT THE FUCKDJX FUCK FUCK FKPDSOF I NEEDED MORE TIME FRIFODKF FCK

(a little bit later)

I'VE BEEN DYING TO MEET JOHNNY AND I FINALLY DID AND HE'S FUCKING EVERYTHING I'VE EVER FUCKING WANTED IN LIFE HE CALLS ME HOMIE AND I SWEAR TO GOD HE'S NOT LIKE EVERY OTHER FRAT BOY YOU'VE MET HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD WITH HIM BUT I ALSO WANT TO KILL HIM AND STRANGLE HIM BUT I FUCKING LOVE EVERY SECOND OF THE EXPERIENCE I LOVE HOW MUCH I HATE HIM

https://youtu.be/JNaS_mOM3yY

first off rest in peace karen i thought you were supposed to be good since you play so much but.. i suppose the mighty power of the chicken wing is not a force in tumblr survivor. anywho, so we switched like everyone expected but for some reason everyone thought it was a fun idea to freak out and be like "omg is it merge???" "WHATS GOING ON" "I DONT UNDERSTAND" ctfu yall literally knew damn well what was happening. its final 14 like it aint rocket science. as for my tribe, ive said it before and i will say it again - I HATE PURPLE!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! it is just not flattering against my skin tone and that is literally my number one concern at the moment. that might insult those who play this game like its life or death but to me... this is a very big aspect of my luck in the game. every time (literally not even joking) i get some ugly ass color, im fucked thats just the way it is and the weird blue that luca insists is cyan - get a crayon set pls - was working just fine for me! i was slayyyyinngggg without doing anything meaningful which is all that matters to me since its really fun watching people go crazy while i just sit here eating my nuggets in the break room. current thoughts of my tribemates and fellow one worlders: johnny - king of making final 2's and being in a frat. a dumbass who spilled his entire game once we swapped and got ratted out the second he did. stupid stupid stupid! i need him as a number tho so i cant be hasty with my opinions tho so like a 6/10 dana - has a paper to write. thats all i got right now 4/10 l.a. - A LITERAL FUCKING GODDESSSSSSS! all of the rookies should be bowing at her feet for trying so hard to make them safe cause if i was her... they would get a stern talking to and no help at all (plus she can clearly count which is more than i can do). 100000000/10 luca - literally victor next (i dont actually think he is victor but this dude is seriously wack like i just do not understand why he had the need to call me a grandma when im not even that old? like where is the residential hag when i need her zzzz. also he said he likes skype emojis and then used the cactus emoji which victor also uses so clearly something fucked up is happening!!!!!!!!) 1-ish/10 mitchell - fake hoe next (tho i do love the flattery so i guess they are right in saying it gets you everywhere cause ya got a ticket right on the bottom - word of the wise btwwww, next time you play pls stop taking advice from ya eggs cause they clearly do not help just ask karen in prejury hehe) 1-ish/10 ryan - king of all things survivor. how has he not won a ts season.... 10/10 allie - is from florida so either an icon like me or is like cole tbd. as luca said, can "air hump" really well??? not really useful info but thats all i got so next??? aro - im the 1. next. daisy - i hate the smell of flowers :| next jacob - legend was tagged in some nice pictures on facebook recently so he can stay. matt - lmao next willow - our friend willow teas? what comes after 6.gif. next. i really do not like talking to people and sadly i must. tho i just finished this one kdrama and it was like 50 episodes and the dad died literally in the last half hour of the entire show.... im crying i really am HE WAS A GOOD FUCKING PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the world is so cruel and so harsh to the loving but so kind to the evil where did we go wrong :'( PPPPPPPS : [4/18/17, 11:29:35 PM] nancy.sweitzer: shut up trump supporter [4/18/17, 11:29:42 PM] nancy.sweitzer: i have receipts of you supporting trump BB i need some food to watch this with so lets have reward hm?

I'm both so happy and scared about this swap. BLESS ULAWA BEING GONE. THAT WAS THE WORST TRIBE. IT DOESN'T DESERVE TO EXIST. But yeah, a few people came to me and were like you carried that tribe and are amazing, and as nice as that is, YOU DON'T WANNA HEAR IT ON SURVIVOR. Cause now I have a huge target on my back for being a "challenge icon". I do not trust Daisy or Aro at all either so I'm worried they will gun for me, but they are both on the other tribe so that's a plus... Maybe, this one world thing doesn't help me there. Now I have to catch up with Jacob, and the rest of the alliance and see where we all stand. I'm trying to set something up with Johnny as well cause we sort of clicked at the start and I need people.

im too sick to carry on. i cant even see the light im too far gone

Hi MTV welcome to my own private corner of Hell. Seriously I guess my burning desire for some action really warranted this swap that put me in a terrible ass position. I love the One World beach because I can wave to literally every single person I was working with as they wear their Makira buffs with pride and I am stuck with all Rookies and Zak! The only people I know are Zak and Jacob, and Zak threw Daisy's name out and Jacob says he trusts Daisy so I can't even wrangle all my loose allies to form a little alliance. I'm just going to use my social game to earn favor with people like Willow and Allie so that I can maybe survive juuuuuust long enough to make it to the merge and reconnect with my homies. I'm sort of praying for a miracle, but I'm also going to do whatever I can to survive, and if that means throwing Jacob or Zak under the bus then so be it. I am scrambling like eggs in the morning. Hopefully I can convince people to target Aro for his wishy washy nature and because I have planted the seed that he has an idol, and honestly maybe he does, so I smell a blindside coming up, but if they're not willing to budge then I could be a dead boy walken.

Dana mom doesnt approve of the act of sending nudes but like I don't spread em like seeds in a pumpkin patch (like this swap is doing w my alliance tbqh) or anything not everyone gets to see the goods

(a little bit later)

All right binches here's the tea! Daisy has an idol, and is trying to get people to think aro has the idol bc he made up a lie about a fake idol that he doesn't have, which saved his ass a few rounds back, and Jacob and Allie are saying Aro is sketchy. NOW thats not what I like hearing because Aro is my husband and all, so automatically my Worry Senses are tingling as they usually are it would seem. What I'm tryna do is scrape together a me/willow/aro/Matt majority (since allie apparently doesn't trust aro so I can't trust her) but I suck at approaching people so it sucks that dana and Mitchell aren't on my tribe to help me :( but get for being the least experienced vet in tumblr left in this game I think I'm in a moderately decent position

Well Day 2 of NuNuTemoana is quite interesting, I'm starting to create scenarios that will hopefully put me in a good situation. A) NuNuMakira will throw the challenge and vote out Luca or LA and B) I create an alliance with Willow and Allie and we become the swing votes between Jacob/Daisy and Zak/Aro and if Daisy or Aro have idols they're shooting their bullets at each other and I've got a bulletproof vest. Fingers crossed.

I'm gonna model the rest of my game after Cirie bc boy does she have me fucked up seven ways to Sunday right-about-now o'clock Also I'm not gonna be home again after tomorrow until May except for one day in between so this whole new tribe/quickly approaching merge thing is gonna get really sad for me when I randomly just disappear forever :)

The past few days have been a whirlwind. From uncovering that dirty business with Matt to this One World swap, I find myself in a tribe in which I'm not sure if I can stay safe. It hurts that I can't compete in this next immunity too. I trust Johnny/LA, but as far as the rest? Question marks all over. I like Mitchell a lot, still haven't talked with Dana much, I have no clue about Ryan/Lexi but Johnny says Lexi is tight with him. So I'm really not sure what happens if we lose an immunity here, and winning challenges might be my only shot to stay in the game. So what happens next? No clue.

MMMMHMHMHMHMHMHM YES!!! Willow finally spilled the tea which confirmed our suspicions on Karen :))) now alls I need is Lexi to get the fuck out and I can be satisfied by outlasting all the snakes

So I've officially worked my way into an alliance with Allie and Willow, hopefully they're not playing me and we can actually work towards getting out Daisy or Aro. Now Mitchell wants me to get Daisy out so we can rope in Aro and Zak at the merge but I also have somewhat of a relationship with Jacob from nuTemoana and he seems to have a relationship with Daisy so I am hopefully safely in the middle of this tribe and will be deciding this vote, but there's also a large chance I'm gonna get squashed smack dab in the middle. I mean ideally we win immunity and the other tribe can get out LA or Luca which would be great. I need these rookie numbers thinned like the mints so that I have options if I'm in the merge. I have my Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. Alliance which is Ryan, Mitchell, and Dana, I have nuTemoana which is Johnny, Jacob, Lex, and Ryan, and I have a possible alliance with Allie, Willow, and Mitchell. Preferably I wanna work with Mitchell because I trust him the most so far. But of course none of these numbers I'm running in my head matter if I can't make it until the merge which is crazy to me.

i wasnt successful in covering up my misery. i dont even know why i said i could do it since the only thing on that entire menu (all of the drink choices included) i actually do enjoy is the oreos so who knows what i was thinking. im going to get voted out i really am

tag yourself. im luca saying he cant compete cause they use blue solo cups instead of red solo cups in his country. isaac is la's roommate not letting her use her waterbottle. andrew is ryan only having glass in his house. pippa is matt actually doing this. stefan is willow beating the crap out of me. IM GOING HOME

Well I couldn't get it done today and that's a little disheartening, I definitely feel like I could be in danger and when you have the chance to save yourself and don't do it it sucks. I guess now my focus is on playing this game for like the first time this season honestly, a lot of things are at stake in this tribal, there's idols there's alliances there's tribe swaps, there's beef in this game, and I feel like hopefully I can shift the attention towards Daisy vs. Aro, but there's also a lurking nuMakira alliance that might form and getting an Ulawa out wouldn't do anything in the long run but I need to play to make it so that I'm safe until tomorrow or else there won't even be a long run. I wanted to be in a position where I could run a marathon but instead I'm like running a relay race tribal to tribal. If I get rid of Daisy Jacob may lose trust in me and join a Makira alliance, but also maybe I'll just join the Makira alliance myself? I mean I told myself I would do what it takes to win, my obligations are to myself at this point, not Temoana not Makira, not Vets, but MESELF. Well who knows at this point what's gonna happen, hopefully my plan works.

MATT STFU CALLING ME OUT IN THE MAIN CHAT YOU MOTHERFUCKER! Literally your ass would not be in this game right now if I didn't win the challenge where we counted in our confessional. The plan was in play, you were going to be gone, we had the numbers, and now you're on a tribe where it's minority veterans, so hopefully Allie and Willow aren't idiots, and they just take out Matt because he's kind of an arrogant prick, but I'm sure that something sketchy is going to happen, and they're going to take out a rookie, probably Aro or Daisy since apparently they're being sketchy motherfuckers. Grrrrrrrr Matt needs to stfu. I still have quotes of him talking about LA, so I might use that to my advantage, but we'll see how this goes for now. I'm not ready for merge and these unpredictable motherfuckers in Allie and Willow.... I have no idea where either of their heads are at. As for my tribe right now, I'm 99% sure that Lex, Ryan and I are in the driver's seat on this tribe, with Luca, LA, Mitchell and Dana all wanting to work with us. I wouldn't mind losing to get rid of Dana, because I really really really want her out, simply because I haven't spoken to her as much, and I'd prefer to have good relationships with everyone once we get to merge, and I don't want anyone to think about taking me out of this game because I don't have a good enough relationship with them, so we'll see for now. Ryan hinted this morning that he'd prefer Mitchell to go home over Dana, but I want Dana to go home, and I wanna keep my brolationship with Mitchell for as long as I can. This is just fuel for fire I can use against Ryan if I have to, to get Mitchell to trust me, since according to Ryan, Mitchell is obsessed with me.. I also won the challenge for my tribe single handedly because I'm the king of this game, and no one is on my level strategically, socially or physically if we're being honest. I just need to NOT be known as that big threat once I get to merge. Time to just pit people against each other and throw shit and sound dumb like I always  do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Fuck this is so nerve wracking. I hate that I'm at tribal again. And I've recently been really anxious about the fact that L.A. knows I have an idol, and just now I found out that a lot of people know that I have it. Which means L.A. has been telling people. Which also means that I'm kind of screwed. I want to get out Aro because I know how tricky he is and how terrible he is in challenges, but he has the idol and if he plays it I could very well be going home. Plus I'm realizing that I don't really have any solidified alliances with a lot of these people so I could easily be targeted, especially since they think I have an idol. Honestly part of me just wants to play it tonight and get rid of it and get it off my back. Or give it to someone. But if I give it to someone, then other people will still think I have it and I'll still be a target. I could try to split the votes, but that seems kind of aggressive and I don't want to make myself a target if I'm not one already. Ugh, fuck. I wish I had someone to talk this over with.

(a little bit later)

Whew I know I just submitted but I have so many thoughts right now. Aro seems to think things are gonna go along tribe lines and it's gonna be me and him as swing votes. Willow brought up Aro's name to me. I'm nervous that Willow maybe brought up his name to make me feel more secure about it, and maybe I'm the target. Maybe Aro is right and things are gonna go along past tribe lines but I don't really want to work with him. Maybe I could try to split the votes between me and Aro and I'll play my idol and get rid of it. That would be dumb though, right? I hate that we have so little time and that like, no one is online right now. It's so hard to plan. Jacob told me he cast his vote for Aro because he only had a couple minutes before he had to leave and he wouldn't be gone. So theres gonna be at least one vote for him. Unless everyone is lying to me. Fuck I'm so paranoid right now, but I don't know how to figure out if its just paranoia or if there's actually something there. Also I'm trying to seem invested in planning out the vote with Aro so that he doesn't think I'm targeting him, but he could also quote me to others and make them think I'm targeting them. So now it seems like I have Willow, Matt, Jacob, and Allie all voting for Aro with me. Aro wants to target a vet and apparently he's close with Zakriah which means we may want to divert Zakriah too so that he doesn't leak to Aro and have him play an idol. But now I'm worried by suggesting that we divert Zakriah I'm playing too aggressively. Ugh. Aro said he's gonna talk to the rookies and see who they would rather vote for, I told them I'm trying to divert him so that they're not confused or surprised that he says I wanna vote for a vet when I already targeted him. This is a lot to deal with, and we don't have a lot of time. Tbh this confessional is a clusterfuck of paranoia.

Okay so I'm out with friends and don't have time to write a real confessional but I don't wanna get a strike. So if I get home in time I'll write a real confessional yeah

I think for the first time in Survivor history one of my plans is actually working, it seems that Daisy is totally sold that Aro is going and voting me and it's awesome if she ends up getting blindsided as intended. Jacob is getting two votes because he sucks and I want him to know he should be worried, he threw my name out, and he's untrustworthy, even after like I pretended like i was interested in his crush that he talks about at least once a day, it's almost more satisfying knowing that I can flip and get him out if I really wanted to. In fact I have my choice to vote Daisy, Aro, or Jacob, and if I'm not getting played that wold mean I've spun this terrible swap into a great spot for myself, and I love it. See what happens when I get a chance to really play?

I am so screeeeewed. So basically everyone except Daisy and Jacob wants to vote for Daisy but I am about 90% sure this is bs and I am getting set up for a big blindside. Well, it wont really be a blindside now but rip me

Okay so I only really have 13 mins to type out a fuck ton of information. This vote is crazy, so much has happened and we only had a few hours to strategize for this tribal. Anyway originally me and Allie were thinking about voting Daisy bc she told LA she has an idol, but then LA sent screenshots of Aro's idol. So I was panicking for a moment bc I thought it was real, but I talked to people, and he was probably really desperate, so i think were sticking to voting out Aro. I'm just typing out the short version of what actually happened, bc I don't have a lot of time, but basically me and Allie are the swing votes and I hope everything goes as planned.

As we near tribal Im starting to get the teeniest glimmer of hope. Willow, Allie and Matt seems to be pretty interested in working with me. If it goes according to plan its going to be 3 votes Daisy, 2 votes Jacob and 2 votes me. However Im still about 80% sure that Im going to get blindsided tonight so fingers crossed