#and then when she apologizes for lying at first bobby gives her forgiveness for it bc he knows she's just caught in a crossfire of loyalty

[mortalscience]

Law and Order Criminal Intent - s02e03 - Anti-Thesis Goren: Professor Sanders wasn't in that night grading papers, was he? Eames: True or false, Ms Goodman, and we don’t give incompletes. Goodman: He said he had a dinner with some people from NYU.. about a job offer. Eames: How long was the dinner?  Goodman: He came back around 8:30. He was in a bad mood. Eames: Why?  Goodman: He didn't say. He just shut himself in his office and got on the phone. Then he left at 9:30. He told me if anybody asked, he was grading papers all night. Goodman waits a beat. Goodman: I'm sorry.. Goren: It's okay, Valerie. Thanks.

[leah-halliwell92]

Fast and Furious(ly)

Summary: A follow up to “it’s over”, for @band--psycho​‘s bingo; prompt is Car Sex.  WARNING: Sexual content 18+ only please!

6 p.m – Friday night

You’d walked into the club house feeling pretty ok. It had been a long day but nothing you’d been unable to handle. Tig had been driving you up the wall with trying to make amends for his straying dick. He’d been shooting for the two of you to try again, much to your displeasure. The boys could only do so much to keep him at bay, you knew, but the fact lay in that Tig was tap dancing on your last good nerve, especially when he insisted that your sister was just a lay that happened while drunk. Your sister too for that matter...

She’d been so apologetic, fat tears running down her face as she she sobbed for your forgiveness. Begging you to listen, trying to convince you that he’d only been a lay. That they’d fallen in bed just for sex. You remember yelling something and telling her to got to hell. You’d been avoiding going to TM’s ever since you’d found them together two months ago. In that time your brother-in-law, Ben, had come back from deployment. You’d been happy he was back safe and sound but knew shit would hit the fan sooner rather than later, and it would not be you who started the shit fest. 

/Flashback – two weeks ago/

Everything had come to a head, as you’d predicted, during a family picnic. Ben had been so happy to see everyone again and everyone had been honestly happy to see him too. Half-Sac had been more than happy to sit with him and talk military and how Sac as adorable as he is landed in the rink with the sons. Ben looked impressed, you hoped to God he wasn’t thinking joining up but hey, what's more than family?

You’d been on the other side of the park looking at the vintage Dodge Charger Happy had driven in, more like drooling.

“Never thought you’d be into cars little girl,” the tattooed biker said with a small grin.

You shrug and say, “My dad used to buy and restore old cars. I grew up with the smell of oil and sound of power tools, its kind of why I feel at home here.”

“Well that and that you actually know your shit right?” He said knowingly.

You shrug with a smirk, “And between you and me, I lost my ladyhood in the back of 69′ mustang. There really is nothing like doing it in a muscle car.”

Happy choked on his beer and looked at you as if for the first time. 

You gave him a saucy wink

But before he could say anything else, your heard Opie tell Lyla to take the kids back to the club and keep em there.

Lyla did as done and you turned to see your sister in tears and Ben looking like someone had killed him. 

“Is it true!?” Ben yelled at your sister, “Did you really fuck ten years of marriage down the drain for nothing!?”

You saw Jax hide behind Chibs who gave him a knowing look.

Your sister was in tears apologizing for all she was worth, which currently was nothing. 

What made you mad was Gemma getting in your face about hurting Tiggy. It took Happy, Chibs, Jax, Bobby, and Opie to keep you from beating her ass in. You’d proven to the club a long time ago that you had the balls to do shit others couldn’t do. That included knocking the queen of SAMCRO down a peg...or ten.

Happy had swept you into his car and drove away allowing for you to get some much needed air.

/End flashback/

“You got everything set kiddo?” Bobby asked, coming into the club and setting the last crate of booze on the bar top.

“Yep, just need to count these in and then set up for opening,” you said with a large smile.

“There she is,” the biker looking at you with a happy nod.

“What?” You asked curiously.  

“I’ve not seen you smile like that since Tig decided to commit boyfriend suicide,” he said honestly. 

You sighed but nodded appreciating Bobby’s blunt honesty.

“I hope to see that smile on your face more darlin,” he said with a smile of his own making his way to the back.

“Make me food and I’ll smile all you like papa,” you say with laugh as you counted the bottles.

“Done!” He called out laughing as he went. 

You shook your head and picked up a couple of cold ones to take to Happy and Chibs who were at the pool table.

“There’s the wee lassie!” Chibs called out boisterously as he saw you approach.

You laughed at his antics and let him pull you into a hug. 

“How’s a girl supposed to live with you as her big brother?” You asked teasingly, pulling away to hand Happy his own beer.

“Ya ain’ tha’s what,” he said with laugh as Happy pulled you to his side and pressed a tender kiss to your temple.

“Ya do righ’ by ‘er or no one will find your body,” Chibs said seriously to Happy.

Happy gave a short nod and the men came to an understanding. 

You blushed deeply as you realized that you were truly cared for here. The moment was ruined by a commotion coming from right outside the bar.

“You’ve got to be shittin’ me,” Chibs said with a sigh.

You walked out to find Tig and Ben whaling at each other as hard as they could.

Some crow eaters and stragglers surrounded them as your sister looked on panicked and clearly distraught.

“Fuck me, I knew God should have made me a lesbian,” you say walking back into the bar.

You felt Chibs and Happy stare at you as you made your way inside. 

Bobby saw you pick up a ten gallon bucket and fill it to the brim with water and lots of ice.

“I’m gonna...go do something,” he said as he saw the look on your face. 

You walked back out bucket in hand getting wide eyed looks from Chibs, Happy and the rest of the boys. 

“Thats enough assholes!” You yelled before promptly pouring the bucket over the fighting men. 

“What the hell!” They yelled out ready to pounce when they saw it was you who’d done it.

You looked Ben in the eyed and honestly said, “Yes she fucked Tig, yes she saw a chance while he was drunk and took it, no it doesn’t excuse Tig guilt fucking her every other time the fucked and no I’m not ready to forgive either of them. You’re a decorated military soldier, act like it.”

Tig had never been scared of you but right now, he knew you were done.

“And you, quit coming around Chibs trying to see me,” you said anger and hurt seeping through, “You killed us the moment you fucked her, the moment you didn’t come clean, and the moment you thought playing dumb was the way to go. Quit trying to save something that burned Alexander and us both a favor and stop trying to win me back.”

He gave a shaky nod that he’d understood. 

That done you made your way back inside ignoring your sister’s cries for you.

From then on two things happened, you and Happy grew closer. With him looking out for you closer than the other boys, and Ben made himself a more or less permanent fixture at the club house. He kept to himself most times which worried you. You feared his PTSD would be triggered bad after finding out about your sister. But to your relief, and surprise, Half-Sac had glued himself to Ben’s side.

Happy gave you an appraising look and said, “I have something to show you.”

“Oh really?” You asked with a smirk.

“Don’t you go thinking about asking what either,” he said playfully serious, “It’s a surprise.”

“Ok, fine...keep your secrets,” you said pulling yourself onto the bar top to give him a quick peck.

Before he could pull you over you looked over his shoulder at Opie who was caveman carrying your sister out of the bar.

“I’m not sure if I'm surprised or disappointed,” you said honestly, “Question is if she was here for Ben or if she was looking for familiar pastures.”

Happy gave her a look and noticed Half-Sac consoling Ben, “I think she was here for the soldier.”

“For all her hot bloodedness, (S/N) really did love him,” you said with a sigh letting Happy pull you over the bar top and onto his lap, “Doesn’t excuse what she did though.”

He nodded agreeing with your assessment and said, “You are off as of now little girl.”

“Oh am I really,” you said with a teasing grin, “Says who?”

Happy growled lowly in your ear giving your exposed thigh a firm smack.

It had been some time since you’ve felt this publicly and openly loved. Tig would love on you like a bitch in heat, but this tenderness was something you’d not experienced since the beginning of that relationship. The blend of hot and tender you got from Happy is something else.

“Stand up little girl,” he said after he finished his beer.

You nodded to Half-Sac who understood and took over giving you a saucy wink as you stood and let Happy drag you to the garage of the clubhouse where the boys’ personal vehicles were.

“Pull the cover of that one in the back,” he said nodding a tarp covered car.

You did as told and pulled the cover to reveal something akin to Dom Toretto’s Dodge Charger. 

“How��” You started to ask your eyes wide in awe and wonder.

“Trust me you don't wanna know,” Happy said seriously.  

“Did you kill someone for this?” You asked seriously, you were not about to accept blood money or anything of the sort if it came through the club’s less than stellar dealings.

“No!” He said loudly in alarm, “I just...Uh, it was one of my first fixers.”

You gave him an astonished look.

“You’re giving me, one of your...” You looked at the sleek black 70s car in shock, “You can’t give me this.”

“Why not? You’re my woman now,” he said seriously walking to you slowly pinning you against the car, “And as my woman...I will treat you like the queen you deserve to be treated as.”

You gasped as your butt hit the side of the car.

“And may your queen make a request?” You asked breathlessly.

“Hm.”

You took a hand that was at your hip and put on your cloth covered mound.

“I need you,” you said before gasping as he applied pressure as he ran his and over you.

“Here?” He asked eyes burning with desire.

You smirked and said, “I’ve a surprise for you. Why don’t you pull down these shorts and find out what it is?”

He smirked and yanked your biker shorts down to reveal you wearing nothing underneath.

“This for me?” he asked running his middle finger along your outer folds.

You nod with a sigh that turned into a full moan as you felt it slip between them and tease your entrance and clit.

“So wet already little girl?” He asked as he felt the wetness.

You nod and moaned loudly as ran a finger over your clit.

“I want to hear you scream,” he said sultrily as he pressed open mouth kisses on your neck.

And scream you would, he pushed you onto the side of the car and made quick work of his pants before pulling one of your legs over his hip.

Twin moans escaped echoed as he entered you for the first time.

“Harder daddy,��� you moaned as he gave an experimental thrust.

He happily obliged and kicked up the pace while at it.

You held on for dear life as kicked up the pace, the sounds of moans and wet kisses taking over you as you felt your pleasure build. 

Unbeknownst to the two of you, the boys were having a moment. Tig looked like someone had blown up his bike, Jax was on the floor laughing, Opie and Bobby were as red as tomatoes the older of the two murmuring about not having the health strength to handle hearing the woman he considers his kid fucking one of his brothers. 

“Look’s like she found her match then,” Chibs said with a snigger.

Tig threw him dirty look.

“What!? Sorry to say this brotha but while you may have fucked her...Hap’s fucking her up,” Juice said in complete honesty. 

Bobby rolled his eyes and left before he punched someone a new hole.

Half-Sac and Ben shared knowing looks as Sac nuzzled Ben’s neck.

“Happy,” you gasped as you panted.

“Looks like she doesn’t like white man dick,” the young man said matter of factly.

This only made Jax laugh harder and Tig look even more devastated.

“You gonna come for me girl?” He asked reaching between the two of you to rub clit.

You came with a scream.

Ben gave a low whistle and said, “I met (S/N) through (Y/N) in college, (Y/N) was a wild woman I swear on my daddy’s grave. SO much so she invited me to bed with one of her best friends....Now I’m not saying I'd jump her cuz I see her as sister but son of a bitch do I regret not joining that particular duo.”

Half-Sac whistled and pulled ben to where his dorm was grinning from ear to ear saying, “Oh this daddy is mine.”

Chibs went to Tig and said, “The next time the good lord gives you the privilege of being with a good woman to fuck it up ya feck.”

[katelyn--renee]

Sweet Cherry Pie

Title: Sweet Cherry Pie

Fandom: Supernatural

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer (Mentioned), Reader 

Pairing: Dean Winchester x pregnant!Reader

Words: ±1860

Description: You and Dean have only known each other for a short time, six months to be exact, but a lot can happen from then to now - especially when you’re expecting, twins no less. Just how close have you gotten? Dean is eager to tell you.

Square Filled: Fluff @anyfandomgoesbingo​

Warnings: Fluff and lots of it, pregnancy (with twins)… that’s it… Did I mention fluff?

Author’s Note: I had no beta for this and this is honestly my first fic - I’ve done a lot of RolePlaying over the years, though, and this fic was actually inspired by my most recent RP. 

I hope you enjoy, it’s short and sweet and any/all mistakes are my own. Please feel free to leave feedback and give me any tips for future fics. Or feel free to give me some ideas for another fic and I’ll see what I can do. :) 

Enjoy!

Check out @talesmaniac89​ for more awesome page dividers!! 

Disclaimer: I do not own any photos or gifs, all rights go to original creators/owners.

BONUS: Here is a crackship I made that helped inspire this fic.

Interested in more of my work, check out the link below.

Masterlist

        The Impala came to a stop in the old scrap yard and found its usual spot near the weathered green Chevelle, the infamous rumble of Baby’s engine announcing their arrival. Dean glanced through the open window as his green eyes scanned over the old, yet familiar, home in South Dakota. Bobby’s home. The place had become like a second home to the Winchester’s over the years, (the first being the Impala) Bobby almost like a second father and so any time they were near, they’d make a point to swing by, even if the visit was only brief. It was always good to see the old grouch.

    He exhaled a heavy sigh through his nose, reminiscing a moment as the old place brought up so many memories; both good and bad - but mostly good. A particularly fond memory came to mind and he thought about when he and Sammy were younger, picturing his kid brother running around while he taught him how to properly throw an old football they’d found lying around in the field.The memory made his lips twitch, a smile threatening to form. 

    The picture shifted and changed as he tried to imagine what the future might hold for him and the woman who had captured his heart and carried his children - (Y/N). He could practically see their little faces, a perfect mixture of himself and the woman he loved; Her (Y/E/C) eyes and his freckled nose, two wonderful little clones, reenacting the cherished memory he shared with Sam. 

     Their identical grins were wide and bright, beautiful in so many ways. Children had never been a part of his plan before, never really given it much thought before six months ago. Hell, he never even considered it a possibility in their line of work. Who knew that a shared bottle of whiskey and a one heated night in the back of the Impala would change his mind. Sure, he’d been careless and stupid, but did he regret it? Not one bit, because it led him to (Y/N).

    The smile won and formed on his lips with the thoughts, growing in size until it crinkled the edges of his green eyes. He shifted his gaze back to the kitchen, finding her very pregnant silhouette through the window. He tracked her through the windows, watching as she moved from one side of the kitchen to the other and kept herself busy, more than likely filling Bobby’s house with her latest inspiration. It made his heart swell with joy. 

    He knew she’d be safe here with Bobby and after several long hours of debate, she’d finally agreed to stay behind from now on - although swore she wouldn’t make it easy on him and even threw in her best (and cutest) pout. It was in the best interest for everyone involved and he knew that she knew that, too, but also knew that hunting was a big part of who she was; (Y/N) grew up in the life, just like he and Sammy had and so he understood just how difficult it was for her to sit on the sidelines. 

    But there was just too much at risk and Dean would never be able to forgive himself if anything were to ever happen to (Y/N) or those precious babies, especially if it could have been prevented. 

  Sam climbed out of the vehicle first, the creak of the closing door breaking Dean from his thoughts. He removed the key from the ignition and followed Sam’s lead, sliding out from behind the wheel and climbing the old staircase. The wood groaned and creaked under their added weight. 

   They were just returning from a hunt and so, naturally, they were a bit worse for wear; their jeans and henleys were spotted with dirt and grime, their boots caked with mud, their skin scraped and bruised in various places, but it wasn’t anything they couldn’t walk away from and so Dean considered that to be a win. 

    As Sam pulled open the screen door, Dean’s eager grin nearly split his face in two. His stomach was just as eager as it audibly growled, the scent of freshly baked cherry pie wafting out from the open door, filling his nose and making his mouth water. Sam greeted (Y/N) in passing and flashed her that signature boyish-grin, dimples and all, as he made his way through the kitchen and into the study, joining Bobby so that he could update him on the case they had been working. She smiled back with a “Hey, Sammy,”, waving awkwardly over her shoulder with the oven mitt still covering her hands, before turning back to her task, removing the pie from the oven. 

    Dean stepped in behind his brother, but unlike Sam, he remained in the kitchen. He leaned casually against the fridge, crossing his arms and ankles while he watched her with adoring green eyes. The light was hitting her perfectly, illuminating her body like a halo. It was breathtaking. Dean was positive that it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen and it wasn’t just (Y/N)’s physical beauty that drew him in.

    It was the way she’d sing out of tune to his favorite songs and didn’t care who was listening; it was her love of baking and knowledge of classic rock and vintage cars that frequently surprised him; it was her heart of gold, her fierce independence and stubborn attitude; it was the way she could hold her own in a fight against something or someone twice her size (he was certain that she could still kick his ass, even if she were six months pregnant); it was her fiery passion and witty humor that would quite often put him to shame; but most importantly, it was that little round belly behind her sunflower apron that made her the most beautiful thing in the world. 

    (Y/N) were carrying his children and that was a gift all in its own, something that he never dreamed of having. But there she stood, giving him the most precious gift he never knew he wanted. Or needed. And now, he knew he could never live without her or those two tiny humans.

    He pushed himself away from his spot against the fridge and closed the distance between the pair of you with three long strides, his heavy boots making the floor creak beneath him. His strong arms wrapping around her waist and a smile formed on her lips with the contact. His large hands caressed the sides of her belly, sliding around to the front where his fingers spread out over the round surface. He pulled (Y/N) near, nuzzling himself against her affectionately. 

    A delighted hum left her lips as he gently kissed the exposed skin of her neck, paying special attention to his favorite freckles lining her shoulder. She tipped her head to the side, giving him more space to show his affection. She reached up to touch his face in greeting, his stubble rough against the palm of her hand. A smile bloomed over her face as she leaned into his touch, taking advantage of his firm chest.

    “Hey good lookin’,” He greeted between each tortuous kiss. The tip of his nose brushed over her skin, featherlight as he worked his way across her shoulder and back toward her neck. His lips left a wet trail as he went, only stopping at the soft patch just below her ear. (Y/N) shivered against him, the sensation leaving goosebumps over her body and making her crave more of his attention. She turned in his arms then and her hands found his broad shoulders, the tips of her fingers brushing along the back of his neck. 

    His eyes found hers, dipping into her soul and seizing her heart. It took her a moment to remember how to breathe or speak. “Hey yourself, Winchester,” She replied once she’d found her voice, her breath hot and sweet against his face, her mouth only inches from his. She leaned forward, standing on the tips of her toes to meet his lips, her hands cupping the back of his head to deepen the connection. Her lips molded together with his, hot and greedy after the extended time apart. His firm hands slid down to her hips during the exchange, steadying her and holding her against him. She broke away with reluctance, her eyes fluttering open. 

    A smirk played on his lips and tugged the corner up, his jade eyes full of mischief. “I was talking to the pie, Sweetheart, but I guess you’re not so bad yours-” She gasped playfully and smacked him in the chest, feigning offence and he laughed, the sound coming deep from inside of his chest. She tried to keep a serious face, but his laughter and dazzling smile forced one of her own. His happiness was contagious. She shook her head and crossed her arms, refusing to give in. She even added her most convincing pout, the one that Dean found so cute, and refused to look him in the eye.

    He sighed and his expression softened as he reached up to pinch her chin between his thumb and fingers,tenderly tilting her head so that she’d meet his adoring gaze. He was the one who leaned in this time and he kissed her sweetly, silently apologizing with his lips. She forgave him instantly and melted into his touch - both loving and hating the way he so easily affected her. He pressed his forehead against hers and just held her there against him, staring into her (Y/E/C) eyes. 

    “(Y/N) I…” He started to say but he cut himself short, his voice a little shaky with nerves. She watched him for a moment, curious, before she gave him a smile of encouragement, wanting to hear what he was thinking. “I love you, you know.” He admitted after several minutes, breaking the silence and surprising her. 

    A smile broke across her face and tears welled in her eyes, her emotions a little extra sensitive thanks to the two little Winchester’s growing inside of her. “ I love you, too.” She confessed happily, her voice shaky but her heart full of a love she’d never experienced before. “And I swear to God if you say you’re talking about that damn pie again…” She teased, quickly brushing away the happy tears before they could fall completely. 

   “…well….” Dean made a face as if he were considering this, teasing her, but then quickly flashed her another prized winning smile to assure her that he’d meant what’d he said. He dipped his head again, planting a quick kiss against her lips before dropping himself lower, crouching down until he was eye level with her round belly. Bracing a hand on either side, he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against the firm surface twice, one for each baby Winchester nestled inside. 

“And daddy loves you.” He muttered, his voice low and meant for only them. She smiled softly during the exchange, her eyes welling again as she affectionately combed her fingers through his hair, her heart completely full and happy.

Thank you for reading!! Remember, your feedback gives me liiiife!

Taglist!

Supernatural

@akshi8278​

[tweedlydumbtweedlydoo]

Dean Winchester x reader

Requested by anon/ Summary: You fake your death to protect the Winchesters and meet again years later

A/N: I’m a little iffy with this one. Not sure if I like it. I’m sorry if it sucks. I guess I’m a little rusty after not writing for a few days :( sorry for any mistakes 

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: OPEN {CLOSED}

I am currently taking requests for:

The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Elijah Mikaelson

Damon Salvatore

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid

Derek Morgan

Supernatural (I’m only up to season 2, so please don’t request something with spoilers)**

Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester

Outer Banks (Netflix):

John B Routledge

JJ Maybank

Rafe Cameron

********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS

You knew your abusive father was out of jail and would be heading your way pretty soon and he wouldn’t stop until he found you and killed you. You were the reason he spent years in jail and he was looking for revenge. Nothing standing in his way. If he knew you were with the Winchester brothers, he’d kill them too. You knew you needed to protect them, just as they had done numerous times for you on hunts. It was time for you to pay up and protect them. Even if it means never seeing them again. You loved them, especially Dean and would never forgive yourself if anything happened to them because of you. So, you started plotting your own death. You’d made a deal with Bobby and begged him to help you. You would be “Going on a hunt on your own.” However, it would “end badly” resulting in your death. Bobby would be the first to hear about it and would inform the boys of your death. Then, you would slip into the darkness until it was safe to come out. 

“Bobby, what the hell is going on? Why did we need to come over here?” Dean asks, walking into the home, Sam following behind. 

Bobby motions to the couch, his voice sad, “you boys should sit down.” 

Sam looks at Dean and back at Bobby before sitting down. 

Dean follows suit, “What’s wrong Bobby? You act like someone has died.” Dean chuckles, jokingly. However, he immediately stops when he sees the look on Bobby’s face. He knows you’d gone on a hunt by yourself. It was an easy one, he knew that. However, he didn’t want you to go but you’d reassured him you’d done this hunt a million times and would be able to take care of yourself. He let you go without another word. 

“Bobby?” Sam asks. 

Bobby slowly sits across from the boys, “I’m afraid it’s y/n.” 

Dean shoots up from his seat, “you’re lying.” He shakes his head, “I just spoke with her. She was fine.” 

“I’m sorry Dean.” Bobby whispers, “It ended up being a trap.. She’s gone Dean.”

 Dean shakes his head again, “No… no. This can’t be happening..” 

Sam stands, his eyes filling with tears. You’d become a sister to him. He pulled his brother into a hug and Dean let go, sobs wracking his body as his whole world fell apart, the love of his life, gone. Never to be seen again, “She can’t be gone… no…” 

~ 5 Years Later ~ 

The two Winchesters walked through the crowded street heading toward a lead on a hunt. However, someone caught Dean’s eye crossing the street. It couldn’t be, his mind was only playing tricks. Dean shook his head, closing his eyes, before opening them. The woman had turned and that’s when he saw you. It had been 5 years but he would be able to point you out in any crowd. Dean didn’t even bother speaking to Sam or looking as he crossed the street. A car driving down the road, slammed on their breaks, blaring their horn. Dean held his hand out in an apology and continued toward you, “Y/n!” 

 “Dean, what the hell?!” Sam called out, confused. 

“Move! Excuse me!” Dean called out, moving through the crowd. However, when he managed to get across the street, you’d vanished in the crowd. He frantically looked around but didn’t see you again. 

“Dean, what the hell man? You almost got yourself killed!” Sam said, catching up to him. 

Dean looked around again and then looked at Sam, “I saw her man. Like clear as day.” He points to the street, “She crossed the street and walked this way. It was her Sammy, I’d know her anywhere.”

Sam looks around as well, before looking at his brother, sadness in his eyes, “Dean.. she’s been gone 5 years. She’s dead. It must have just been your mind playing tricks.” Sam puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Let’s go..” 

Dean finally gives in. Sam’s right; she’s gone. 

~ 

You’d heard him call out your name and quickly hid. You watched from behind a building at him and Sam. He’d looked the same he did 5 years ago, maybe even hotter. He’d buffed out and grew out his facial hair. He looked good with facial hair. It took everything you had not to run out to him. It was better this way though. If you came back now, he’d probably never forgive you. Your father had been dead 3 years and after you killed him, you went back to Kansas to explain everything to Dean, but he’d already moved on. Another woman on his arm. So, you left him be. He’d moved on and you were too late. 

~

Dean stares up at the hotel ceiling, his arm under his head. 

“What’s on your mind?” Sam asks, sitting on his bed. 

“Sammy, I swear it was her..” Sam sighs, “Dean, I know you miss her, but it’s been 5 years. She’s gone, you know that. There’s no way it was her. It was your mind playing tricks.” 

Dean sits up, “Sam, I know what I saw.” 

Sam holds his hands up in defense, “Okay, believe what you want. I’m not going to argue with you.”

 ~ 

Dean and Sam sat at the small table at the Bar and Grille. They needed a beer after the day they’d had. Dean sipped his beer, glancing around the bar. That’s when he notices a man walking up to a woman at the bar. He whispers something in her ear and before the man can touch her, she’s pinned him against the bar, an arm pinned behind his back and his body bent over the bar. His eyes are wide as he watches the scene unfold. It was like a flash back of when he first met you. 

~

“Hey there, how about we get out of here?” He whispered in your ear. He’d watched you all night, throwing back beers and whisky and knew he needed to talk to you. His hand went to your lower back and that’s when you turned on him, pinning his arm behind his back, “Don’t you ever fucking touch me again.” He liked a woman who knew how to protect herself. 

He glances over his shoulder at you, flashing a smile, “my apologies. Let me buy you a drink to make it up to you?” 

You’d slowly let him go and he’d turned to face you, “Dean Winchester.” 

You blushed when you saw him. You were hooked then and there, “I drink whisky. Think you can handle that?” 

Dean nods, “Oh baby, I can handle anything you throw at me.” 

~

He knew it was you. He slowly stands from his table and crosses the bar to get to you. You’d scared the poor guy off and was now alone. He clears his throat as he gets to you. He tries to stay calm, finding his voice, “Let me buy you a drink to make up for him being an asshole?” 

You froze on the barstool, that voice sending a shiver down your spine. You slowly turned to face him, standing from the stool, your eyes already filling with tears, “Dean Winchester…” You shook your head and smiled at him, “I drink whisky… you think you can handle that?”

His bottom lip quivers as he sees that it’s really you. He steps closer to you, chuckling, his hands cupping your cheeks, and leaning in close, “Oh baby, I can handle anything you throw at me.” He whispers against your lips before smashing his lips against yours. 

All my works tag list:  @blossomreed​ 

Supernatural tag list: @fanficscuziranout​ , @taylordrunkonwhiskey   , @losers-club6​

*if your name is crossed out then tumblr is being stupid and won’t let me tag you :( 

[she-wolf-of-highgarden]

As someone that likes both Sansa and Arya, what’s your take on Ned’s parenting? I feel like Ned really needed to sit them down together after the trident and explain to them the dangers of the Lannisters as well as drawing a line for acceptable behavior. Say to Sansa: you cannot tell Arya you wish she was dead. Say to Arya: it doesn’t matter what Sansa says, you cannot beat her up. Ned never talks to Sansa after he kills Lady and his talks with Arya aren’t enough. (Sorry for sending all the asks

Oh my gosh don’t worry about it. I love asks…I’m just sometimes slow with them. Fair warning, this got...long

At his core Ned loves his children; he really does. He also doesn’t know them super well or at least isn’t super in touch with them and he is not in charge of raising them. Which is pretty on par with the Westerosi fathers we see. He’s still a heck of a lot better than Bobby B and Roose Bolton over there. There’s still some distance there. Which again considering the universe Martin has made and the social standing it makes sense.

Ned does kinda sorta address the don’t-hit-your-sister thing with Arya when he finds Needle. But, admittedly, it is kind of a joke.

“For true." He smiled. "If I took it away, no doubt I'd find a morningstar hidden under your pillow within the fortnight. Try not to stab your sister, whatever the provocation.” – Arya II, AgoT

But I think part of the reason he isn’t that worried is that even Sansa is surprised when Arya hits her.

“Arya, stop it!" Ned shouted. Jory pulled her off her sister, kicking. Sansa was pale and shaking as Ned lifted her back to her feet. "Are you hurt?" he asked, but she was staring at Arya, and she did not seem to hear.” – Eddard III, AGoT

After that the worst Arya does to her is throw a piece of orange at her and while it was unkind and Arya needed to be reprimanded for it, it wasn’t like it was unprovoked. This isn’t like the show where Arya sheep-shifted Sansa’s bed (that still annoys me) and threw fruit at her at the feast for the king for fun. When Arya does it, they are arguing about Mycah…the same subject that had Arya kicking her sister.

“Arya screwed up her face in a scowl. "Jaime Lannister murdered Jory and Heward and Wyl, and the Hound murdered Mycah. Somebody should have beheaded them."

"It's not the same," Sansa said. "The Hound is Joffrey's sworn shield. Your butcher's boy attacked the prince.” – Sansa III, AGoT

Feels like the adult sitting right there should have ended that conversation.

It doesn’t matter if Sansa is in the right not to be mad at the royal family or that she can’t. The issue is that Arya is 9 and has a thing about lying and is traumatized. Remember even though it is never brought up again, Arya is hiding in the woods for three days. A 9-year-old little girl. In the woods. In Westeros. The fact Ned didn’t turn around or send at least Arya back is honestly one of the times I wish I could shake a fiction character and demand answers. Why Arya was in the south in the first place still boggles me, but I’ll get back to that.

It takes Ned until Sansa III to actually talk to the girls together. This should have been like Eddard IV or Sansa II or something. Sansa III is a bit too late and we can see that because Sansa is just plain mean in this chapter, the girl has reached a breaking point. Arya ruins her dress. Which is bad, no argument here. The issue is that she gets an apology. She gets one in front of Ned and refuses to accept it.

“Enough, Sansa." Lord Eddard's voice was sharp with impatience.

Arya raised her eyes. "I'm sorry, Father. I was wrong and I beg my sweet sister's forgiveness."

Sansa was so startled that for a moment she was speechless. Finally she found her voice. "What about my dress?” – Sansa III, AGoT

This conversation between the girls goes on for a pretty minute in front of Ned. Instead of just standing there he could have given some Stark speech about forgiveness or something. Instead he just lets it go until he tells them that they are leaving and just kind of does his best to comfort Sansa about not being queen and dips. That’s it. He doesn’t mention that fact that Arya came up with two different ways to make it up to Sansa. What he should have done was tell Arya she had to mend the dress or clean it or whatever because she messed it up and tell Sansa that that was the way her dress is getting fixed. You don’t let it just go on like that. They are 11 and 9, they don’t know when enough is enough it why some voice of reason is needed. 

Part of the issue is, as mentioned above, Westerosi highborns parents aren’t how we think of parents. They are pretty hands off. Martin doesn’t even let us see Arya and Cat together. Ned bit off more than he could chew. To be honest, I’m still unsure why he brought Arya along. He never really tells us and even Cat just chalks it up to her needing refinement.  

“You must," he said. "Sansa must wed Joffrey, that is clear now, we must give them no grounds to suspect our devotion. And it is past time that Arya learned the ways of a southron court. In a few years she will be of an age to marry too.” - Cat II, AGoT 

I guess the plan was to marry Arya off to a Southern lord? He didn’t need her to go to keep Sansa company, Jeyne was already going. It was just a bad plan. And then you add the incident at the Trident (aka Joff “kitten killer” Baratheon is left unsupervised and adults suck at the Trident) and the depression and trauma that both girls face and it gets worse. 

At least he gets Arya Syrio. What does Sansa get? She wanted high harp lessons, find a harpist or whatever. If you can find the first sword of Bravos just wandering around you can find someone who plays the harp. It would have given Sansa an outlet that she needed as well as maybe putting a balance in her life. A different perspective or something. 

Ned should have talked to both girls about going to KL. He should have had joint and separate conversations. Contrary to fandom belief 11 and 9 are different ages. Sansa can take a little bit more information because she is older. Why he doesn’t give it to her is a different question. I think he relies on the Septa to do it. If Arya hadn’t spiraled and had a weapon, I dont think he’d have a big sit-down with her.  The issue with letting the septa take charge instead is that the septa doesn’t really get the political intrigue either because that just isnt her job. 

I think Ned is a man who loves his children and got way in over his head. In different universe where the incident at the Trident doesn’t happen and the court is a bit more stable (IDK Baelish gets lost at sea or something), then i think it might be kinda okay. There would still be problems, but they might seem less severe. 

[schnitzelbutterfingers]

The Forgotten One (Ethan Ramsey x F!MC)- CHAPTER 3

a/n: first, i wanna wish everyone a happy thanksgiving from my family to yours! please take the time to thank everyone you are so grateful to have in your life, especially god, for letting us live and for all the blessings he gives us. do not take anyone for granted.

next, so sorry for the holdup!! finally, chapter 3 is here! we’ll see what abby feels about the attack, her and ethan conversing, and a surprise ending. read, like, and let me know your reviews! forgive me if there are any spelling mistakes or grammar errors. let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist and as always, enjoy (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

summary:  Louise Ramsey, the mother of the famous, brilliant diagnostician Ethan Ramsey, is back into his life. However, Louise holds many secrets, dangerous secrets, that could harm him, Dr. Abigail ‘Abby’ Chacko (my MC), and the very few lives he actually cares about. It is up to Ethan, Abby, and their friends to save each other from what is about to come.

pairing(s): dr. ethan ramsey x f!mc (dr. abigail ‘abby’ chacko) || dr. sebastian chacko x dolores hudson (YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT)

warning(s): angst, and then it’s pure fluff, and then a surprise ending (you’re gonna die die dieeee :)))

word count: 4289

catch up here :)

______________________________________________________________

Abby’s POV

When she wakes up it is with a headache, a throat ache and side pain. When she looks more closely at her nose, she sees an oxygen tube through them. When she looks more closely at her surroundings, she realizes she is in a hospital bed.

Lying down. Wearing a sky blue hospital gown. With an IV through her accessory cephalic vein. 

Jumping Jehoshaphat, what happened this time?

Abby spent many times in the hospital during her childhood. Most of them were due to the number of cuts and bruises she got from her father, in which some of them were very serious injuries. One time she was admitted to the hospital because...

No, Abby. Don’t relive through that phase. It’ll wound you more.

There are many types of pain. Many of her pains were physical, but some of her pains were emotional. By far, she can tell the emotional pain is the hardest to get over with.

Sure, she has been cut with a knife, raped by many of her father’s friends, and whipped with a belt. To her it was normal, and she had gotten used to it. To others, the pain is insufferable. 

Heartbreak hurts. Too much. It can rip people from the inside out, and change them. For better or worse.

Her father caused her many heartbreaks. In return, she studies, skipped five grades, graduated from high school when she was 13, and graduated from Hopkins when she was 21. Some might say she took it too far, but she knows it was just what she needed.

What she needed to prove to her father that pain doesn’t break her. 

What she needed to prove to her horrid patients that she is not dumb.

What she needed to prove to the whole world that she is not as young and innocent as everyone thinks she is.

Death, betrayal, and pain were her three companions, with some delectation in between. She cherished those jocund moments.

And she thanked God. Seb. Jazmin. Ethan. Herself. For all the hard work. 

But what happened right now? Why is she in this bed? 

It feels as if she has fallen into a cactus, her heart being punctured by tiny pins and needles. It’s starting at the bottom of her stomach, and it’s slowly growing. 

The anxiety.

The depression.

It feels like some kind of vaccination, where the shot doesn’t really hurt but the aftermath feels disastrous, cataclysmic. It’s leaving her breathless, as if she is running away from a ghost from her past. It is leaving a certain kind of exhaustion on her.

It’s heartbreak. But why? Why does she feel heartbreak? What could have possibly gone wrong-

Everything. Everything is going wrong. Bingo. She knows what is happening. But she can’t even speak the name out loud. It’s petrifying her. Really well.

 Louise Ramsey. 

Ethan’s mother who claimed to come for him and Alan.

Louise Ramsey.

The one who tricked them, including her.

Louise Ramsey. 

The one who stabbed her. The one who she trusted. 

The one who she believed had a change of heart didn’t have a change of heart at all.

She fooled everyone. She’s a liar. She is manipulative. She is every dark sin written across this universe. She is the next generation of Sat-

Wait. Wait a long moment.

Oh no. Oh no no no no no.

How is Abby supposed to tell this to Ethan of all people? How is she supposed to let him know his own mother tried to harm her? 

But she had to.

Moisture is falling from the tip of her index finger, even if the bed sheets feel cool. Sweat is dripping from her forehead, even if the hospital room is air conditioned. An imaginary shock travels through her body. The sharpness of the pain is unequivocal and indisputable that it sends shockwaves through her bloodstream. If it wasn’t for the bed, she would have crumpled to the floor.

She is currently holding the bed frame with a white-knuckled grip.

The young doctor scratched her arm nervously, mindful of the IV, as she let that horrifying memory fly through her.

Louise stabs her in the side, blood spilling to Abby’s legs and on the floor. She couldn’t say anything, words failing to come our of her mouth, every second making it harder to breather. She starts to lose consciousness, hearing the sounds of the patients in the room screaming for security.

Louise whispers into her ear, “The game has begun.” 

The last thing she sees is Louise running towards the exit and nurses coming towards Abby, before her world evades into darkness. 

That’s what happened. That’s why she’s in the hospital bed, feeling like crap.

That’s why she feels heartbreak, of all the emotions she can feel. She has heard of brother cheating on brother and father cheating on his wife. But a mother disowning her own husband and son, but then comes back only for her to clown them? 

That goes all the way back to Rebekah and Jacob in the Old Testament of the Bible, if you ask me.

She is back to the question on how she is supposed to tell Ethan. 

Does he know? If he knows, how does he feel? Does he feel depressed?

She sure hopes not.

When something happens to Abby, he always blamed on himself. Whether it was his fault or not. She reminisces on when Ethan apologized and was filled guilt when he found out about the trial.

Or when he came back from the Amazon. He didn’t really apologize for that, but the regret and remorse lurking beneath his eyes was the only thing she needed to know. To know that he was feeling guilt. Dismay. Lamentation.

Or when he opened up his bottled-up feelings concerning his mother. He said that he wasn’t planning on ‘dragging’ her into his mess. 

Or when she was in that decontamination room. She remembers his words clearly, words that were etched into her heart.

I wished I hadn’t asked you to stay away.

Or now.

If he knows. 

She knows what will happen if Ethan blames himself for this. He will be a different person. He will start becoming cold-hearted to people he cares about. He will push her away. Again.

Because he tends to believe that it is all his fault that accidents happen to the people he cherishes the most. He thinks that he is a curse. A malediction. An imprecation. She remembers the night when they connected for the first time. What he said.

This is The Ethan Ramsey. The man who can save anyone except the people he gives a damn about. Not Dolores. Not Naveen. And not you.

She was torn by what he said. Not because he said he couldn’t save her, but because he couldn’t love himself. 

The young doctor hopes he already knows what happened. Who stabbed her. She couldn’t even bear the thought of seeing his face crumble. The man who was stoic. The man who every one recognized as an imbecile. The man who every single doctor is head-over-heels in love with.

Ethan told her to tell him everything. Everything that makes her angry. Everything that makes her sad. Everything that makes her happy. 

If he doesn’t know what happened, she will tell him. She promised him that.

*Flashback*

It's normal for Abby to have a panic attack. Keeping her inhaler with her was vital for her to go through the day. Especially this week.

It’s been one week after the incident. That incident. That incident that took two innocent lives. Danny and Bobby. It’s all her fault. 

If Danny was alive, him and Sienna would’ve been a couple, loving each other. Now, she sees a Sienna whose eyes are haunted. Grave. Not filled with any giddy or joy. She doesn’t see her smile anymore, the once blushed cheeks with her beautiful grin that shows off her dimples, gone. Lost. Thrown away.

If Bobby was alive, he could’ve bought his daughter the new car. It was what he always wanted to do. Instead of enjoying his time with his daughter in her brand new car, he’s under the cold earth. 

Rafael is now going under therapy, but he also feels less confident from Rafael the paramedic. She misses the way he smiles. He does smile now, but there is no joy beneath his eyes.

And for Abby, she is not okay. She wishes she died. But she knows she couldn’t. There are people rooting for her. Her brother. Her mother. Her friends. Ethan. Ethan.

When she was informed that the gas in her body was maitotoxin and there was no cure, she accepted her fate and was ready to die. She glanced at Ethan, and his expression wasn’t betraying anything. But the eyes held more feelings than ever. They were pleading. They said, “Please don’t give up.”

She then realized that if they can find a cure within one day, she’ll try and survive. If not for me, then for Ethan and all the people I love, she thought.

Abby starts passing through that hallway. That one hallway. That one hallway that changed her life. No, that one room. And then, she passes through that room.

It’s clean, all the seals, the beds inside with new blankets and pillows. But she can’t see any of that. She can only see her, Rafael, Danny, and Bobby in that room. She sees Bobby dying. She sees Danny being taken away. She sees Rafael and herself being unable to breathe. 

Suddenly she runs away. She can’t take it anymore. You stupid, why would you even come back to the hospital when you’re not ready yet? she scolds herself. Because of Farley. Damn it.

Abby is flooded by her own thoughts when she accidentally runs into someone. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I-”

Only to know that someone is the one. 

She hears his baritone voice calling out to her, finding comfort and solace in it. 

“Abby? What’s wrong? Are you alright?” Ethan wipes something off her cheeks, and she realized that she was crying the whole time. She was so lost in her emotions that she didn’t a single drop falling down to her right cheek. 

“I-” The young doctor tries to speak but couldn’t. She can’t breathe.

“Rookie!” Ethan quickly drags her to the nearest supply closet. He asks her where her inhaler is. 

“Left... pocket...”

He hastily grabs and places it into her mouth. 

“Deep breaths, rookie. Deep breaths.”

She does as she is asked and takes deep breaths. After a few long moments, her breathing level starts to go normal. 

“Rookie, you weren’t ready for your first day back, were you?”

Abby starts to argue. “Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you panic attack right now seems to prove otherwise.”

She sighs. He’s right. She wasn’t even ready to set foot into the hospital. The only reason she did was because of Farley’s rash, and she thought it was life threatening.

Ethan sighs, breaking her from her thoughts.

“Go home, Abby, you’ve had a long day.”

Abby is about to snipe back when he stops her by raising his hand.

“On second thought, I’ll take you to my house. We’re gonna take a day off.”

“But Ethan, we both have patients-”

“Who will be taken care of by the other doctors in this hospital. If you think I’ll be leaving you anytime soon, you’re wrong.”

Hearing his words makes Abby feel lighthearted. She is stubborn just like him, but he’ll always be there for her.

After getting a confirmation and a wink from Naveen, they are in the car. It’s 1:00 P.M., and Abby sees couples sitting on the chairs in the outside booths of a restaurant, smiling, one couple holding hands. She dreams of these moments with Ethan, but their relationship is still uncertain.

The car stops at a red light, and she turns around to look at Ethan, who is lost in thought.

“Ethan, are you alright?” she asks him, concerned.

The mature doctor cracks a dry smile towards her. “I should be asking you that.”

“Ethan...”

“Abby... are you having suicidal thoughts?”

Abby was astounded by his question.

“Ethan! Why would you think that?”

“I’m just asking. If you ever feel that, come talk to me immediately. I can’t...”

It hit her on what Ethan was thinking about. He doesn’t want her to leave. As much as the question made her a little frustrated, she couldn’t help but think about what he was feeling throughout the whole ordeal n the decontamination room.

Abby takes a deep breath. “Ethan, I’m not suicidal. I never have been. I was just uncomfortable, that’s all.”

Ethan looks at her deeply into her eyes. She can literally feel him searching for any lies at her statement, his body relaxing when he didn’t find any. 

When he stops the car, she realizes that they’re here. Before Abby can take off her seatbelt, Ethan’s hand on hers stops her from doing anything. She looks up with a questioning expression.

Ethan speaks in a very stern but concerned way. “If you ever have anything irritating or frustrating you-” he kisses her on the forehead.

“Anything that brings you pain-” He kisses her on the nose, making her scrunch it.

“Anything at all, that makes you want to cry out-” He kisses her on both cheeks. 

“You come and tell me. Promise me” He finally kisses her on the lips.

As the final words come out from Ethan’s lips, she wonders about how she is so lucky to have him. Tears were burning in the back of her eyes, but this time, they were tears of gratefulness. To Ethan. For being her best friend. She cracks a smile.

“I promise.”

*Back to present*

“Hello? Ma’am? Doctor?” she is interrupted from her thoughts by a male nurse. When she checks his tag, his name is Caspian Chapman, and he has a light British accent. She hasn’t seen him before. Abby suddenly feels embarrassed. Who knows how many times, he called her like that.

“Hi, I am so sorry,” she says shyly. “I was lost in thought. Were you speaking to me this whole time?”

Caspian gives her a wide smile. “Nope! I just came in! My name is Caspian, and I will be your nurse! I am new here so...” he trails off.

The young resident laughs, despite the pain on her left side. “Haha, don’t worry! I’m not one of those Karens! Now tell me, how long will I be staying here?”

“From the stab wound you received, you will probably be admitted here for a week.”

Abby inwardly groans, wanting to just go home. Of course this would happen. Even if she’s disappointed by the news, she knows that it is vital for her to recover.

“So, did the stab wound affect my liver or...” she winces at her left side.

Caspian sighs. “You are correct. They brought you to surgery quickly, or who knows what would have happened.”

“Wait, how did you know I’m a doctor?” 

Caspian smiles again. “Are you kidding me? You are Dr. Ethan Ramsey’s protege and in the diagnostics team! Not only that, you helped him save Dr. Naveen Banerji! You are also popular on Instagram. Anyone would kill to be in a spot and reputation like you.”

Her cheeks grow red. 

“I suppose so...” she trails off. 

The new male nurse speaks. “Anyways, I should let Dr. Ramsey, Dr. Banerji, and your family know that you are awake! They will be at relief.”

Wait, what? Ethan is here? Naveen is here? My family is here? They must’ve found out the harsh truth. 

As Caspian turns to leave, Abby stops him. The nurse turns around.

“Yes? Is something the matter?”

“I just wanted to know if they knew who stabbed me.”

Caspian grimaces. “Yes, they are well aware. Do you not wish to speak to them?”

Oh no. Ethan knows. What will she do? Should she call in her family first? No Abby, he'll think that I’m mad at him! She inwardly slaps herself.

Okay, Abby, deep breaths.  She took a deep breath, held it for three seconds, and exhaled. 

“Can you do me a favor and call in Eth- Dr. Ramsey first?”

“I will,” he replies back.

______________________________________________________________

Ethan’s POV

He is terrified. Terrified to go and see her. Terrified to talk to her. But he has to. He has to let her know he loves her. He has to let her know that he can’t live without her. He feels a hand on his shoulder. Seb.

“Ethan, buddy, remember what I said. Tell her you love her. Make yourself happy. Make her happy. And she will never blame you for anything that happened. She’s a very reasonable girl.”

He looks into Seb’s eyes, and sees that there is something he didn’t tell him. Some kind of sadness, but there is happiness mixed in. He will find out later.

The older doctor turns around and sees the support written in their faces. Seb. Jazmin. Naveen. They are smiling broadly.

Naveen claps him on his back. “Now go get your woman, Ethan.”

Ethan smiles back. “Thank you, guys.”

He took a deep breath and opened the doors.

There she is. Abby. At once, she turned her head around, and at once,  dusky brown met ocean blue. She looks tired, her body a little weak, but she still gives him a wide smile that sends his heart swooping forward. Oh, he has it bad. 

“Ethan. Hey.” Abby welcomes him and pats at a seat on her bed. He, however, was hesitant to do so.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you...”

She rolls her eyes. “Ethan, I was stabbed, not hit by a truck. Now, be a good boy and sit on the bed.”

He does as he is asked, sitting on the edge, eyes never leaving hers. “How do you feel?”

“My side’s kinda sore, but I’ll survive... How are you?” she asks hesitantly.

“W-What do you mean?” he stutters. Ethan Ramsey never stutters.

“...I know who the perpetrator is, Ethan.” So she does know.

Before Ethan can say anything, Abby replies. “I know you are blaming yourself for what your mother did. But I will say it again and again until it gets through that smart head of yours. It’s not your fault, do you hear me?”

His eyes are shining with tears, his heart all the way up to his throat.

“Abby... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He blinks, and a droplet fails to stay in his eyes, escaping from the confinement.

The young resident suddenly sits up, wincing a little at the abrupt movement. Her eyes are full of alarm.  “Ethan, c'mere.”

And he does. He hugs her tight, mindful of her side, his nose nuzzling his neck. Abby wraps her arms around him and strokes his hair. The motion gives him a sense of peace. His eyes drop a few more tears. I will tell her.

“Abby, I love you.” She tenses. Before she says anything, he cuts her off. 

“No, Abby, please listen to me. I’ve loved you since the first day you’ve stepped foot into this hospital. I love how you’re always a colossal pain in my ass. I love how your eyes sparkle every time you hear good news. I love how your dimples pop up when you smile. I love how you bite your lip when you think about something. I love everything about you. Your courage. Your admiration. Your passion. I love you body. I love you face. And i now know, that I never want to let you go again.”

When Ethan pulls back and cups her face, he can see the tears glistening, failing to hold still and dropping down onto her cheeks. She half-sobs and half-laughs.

“Ethan, I love you, too.” And that is all he needs to hear.

He kisses her cold lips gently and pulls back, finding his sense of relief. She, in return, kisses his forehead. He promises to himself one thing: he’ll never let her go again.

______________________________________________________________

Seb’s POV

Seeing them crying of happiness makes him smile, his heart feeling elevated with joy. They deserve this joy. They both’ve been through a lot lately, and confessing their love for each other was their first step towards recovery.

“Psst! Seb!” Amma. Behind her is Naveen.

“How is it going there?”

The surgeon smiles triumphantly. “Our plan worked.”

Quiet cheers came out of their mouths. 

“Finally!” Naveen sighs. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for months. Ethan’s too damn stubborn for his own good.”

Seb laughs quietly. “That he is.”

Amma scratches his wool sweater. He just realized the feeling of itch on his skin because of the wool. And he can’t wait to take it off. But they won’t be leaving Abby’s room for the next two days. Not him, at least.

“Will it be alright if we go in and interrupt them?” Amma asks hesitantly. “I have an urge to hug my daughter after the incident.’

“I am sure that will be alright.”

Amma knocks the door. After hearing an acknowledgment, all three of them walked in. 

“Hi Ethan, is it alright if I hug my daughter? I do not mean to waste any of your-”

Ethan looks at her incredulously. “Why would you ask me if you want to hug your own daughter? I don’t mind at all.”

The famous doctor looks at Seb with a questioning look, who shrugs.

Mother rushes forward and hugs Abby carefully, sobbing as she kisses al of her face. The resident sighs.

“Amma, look at me.” Abby forces Jazmin’s face to her. “I. Am. Fine.”

“Sorry, Ladoo, your mother was just very worried when we got the call. I won’t try to cry, alright?”

The Chacko smiles easily. “now that’s what I wanted to hear from you. My Amma is strong.”

Abby sighs and looks at Seb and Naveen, smiling cheerily. “Who’s next in line for cuddles?”

Seb comes forward, finally at ease when he kisses her forehead gently. He hugs her as tight as he can, the injury preventing him for hugging her more. 

“Please, for the love of Pete, please never scare us like that again.”

She laughs lightly and cuddles closer to him. “I’ll try not to.”

Seb looks up and sees Ethan with a light smile on his face. He finally feels light, free.

He then hears Jazmin’s stomach grumble lightly. Abby laughs hearing this. “Why did you guys not eat? All of you need to get food. Now.”

“I’m not gonna leave you this time around,” he replies. 

Seb’s sister groans. “I knew you would say that.”

The surgeon has an idea. “How about I get all of us some burgers from a nearby restaurant? Since I doubt Ethan’s gonna like what he gets from the cafeteria.”

The famous attending shrugs and then grins easily. “You know me so well.”

“Only for you.”

Abby is on a strict water diet for two days, so he considers buying a cup of chocolate pudding for her. As he leaves the room, he sees Naveen hugging Abby, which brought some emotions to the Chacko. Naveen is like the father he never had before.

Seb is really joyous and filled with triumph at the love confessions between Abby and Ethan. He only wishes it could happen to him.

But it can’t. Because he lost the love of his life last year. Due to a seizure. While she was giving birth. All of their promises. All of their hopes and dreams. Gone. Forever 

I miss her... I miss her a lot.

Suddenly, he hears a whistle. A familiar whistle. It sounds like her. 

When she was alive, they used to whistle a lot. it was a form of their communication. The whistle that heard now was a way of saying, “Turn around.”

No, Seb, he thinks. You’re just letting yourself get too emotional. Stop hallucinating.

But then he hears it again. And it’s behind him. A little far away from him. 

He’s afraid to turn around. He can’t move. 

He forces himself to turn around, like the whistle had told him to.

And then he sees her. He sees her. He actually sees her.

No way, it can’t be... Suddenly, Seb speaks.

“...Dolores? Is that really you?”

She smiles. That smile. He missed that damn smile. Her face and hands are covered with small bruises.

And she talks. “Yeah, Seb. It’s me. Dolores Hudson. I’m alive. I really am.”

______________________________________________________________

Mystery Man’s POV

I give Louise some cash that she was looking forward to. 

“Great, thanks!” she says with a smile.

“Anything for my wife,” I reply, with an emphasis on the word ‘wife’.

She rolls her eyes. “Ugh, don’t call me that. I married you to destroy them, not to love you. Now where’s that manicure you promised?”

Louise is annoying as hell. Sometimes I wonder how her former husband Alan dealt with her. What a man, I think. 

She gives me a mischievous grin. “Now give me a kiss.”

I groan, and I quickly give her a kiss, not wanting it to last for long.

Then, I feel a vibration in my pocket. It’s my phone. I pick it up.

It’s one of my guards. And I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I bark him an order. Blood rushes through my veins, and for the first time in a long time, I feel fear.

I hang up the phone and look at Louise, whose eyes held confusion. I decide to answer her questioning glance.

“Missing captive alert. Dolores Hudson has escaped.”

______________________________________________________________

a/n 2: hope you liked that ending!

a/n 3: i know dolores died of a seizure while under an emergency c-section, but in this au, i refuse to believe so :)

tags:@missmiimiie​ @aylamwrites @starrystarrytrouble​ @udishaman​ @caseyvalentineramsey​ @queencarb​ @choicesstan1​ @newcolonies​ @arcticrivers​ @angela8756 @takemyopenheart​ @rookie-ramsey​ @ohchoices​ @ohvamsey @ohramsey @natureblooms24​ @drariellevalentine​ @maurine07​ @lucy-268 @thanialis

@openheartfanfics

@choicesficwriterscreations

[0ciestiel0]

Buddie Appreciation/Ted Talk

Buddie Appreciation

This is going to be extremely long, basically a novel. For Real, this is loooong. I have tried my best to organize what we have for Buck and Eddie’s relationship and the building up that has been done and give some theories/explanations for our Buddie moments. I don’t necessarily mean that in the totally romantic sense as they aren’t actually a couple as of now, but I discuss why Buddie is a ship and why it is a valid ship and what it seems like the writers are doing. I cover all of seasons 1-3.I have posted everything before the updates sections before, but this is the complete seasons 1-3. Without further ado, 

Welcome To My Ted Talk 

So obviously Buck and Eddie are close. Buck calls him his best friend in Searchers. They didn’t start out that way, however.

Buck was jealous of Eddie. Not just because he was a new hot guy who was in his turf and he felt threatened with that whole hot firefighter calendar but of how easily the team accepted Eddie into their ranks. Buck had to fight and earn a place and respect but Eddie just walked in and had it. It stung and you could see it in Bucks facial expressions and overall attitude.

However, that animosity quickly subsided the minute he and Eddie share an intense call. He sees that Eddie has experience and skill. Eddie offers him to have his back and Buck offers the same. But Eddie acknowledges Buck’s skill. He tells him he’s good under pressure. He offers verbal praise which I think is something Buck kinda craves. He seems to need that verbal validation. He must not have had that unconditional love growing up, at least from his parents and Maddie left for school and then got married and had her own set of problems. But Eddie gave that validation. That was a very quick progression to friends but not necessarily unreasonable given Buck’s personality.

They slowly bond over their time being partnered in the field. Buck spends the most time with Chris out of anyone else on the team. Buck helps Eddie out, giving him rides, going to see Santa, getting Eddie Carla, and who knows what else we haven’t seen. The lady elf even thought they were a couple and Chris was their son. Buck obviously cares about Chris. He loves spending time with him. When Eddie brings him to the station Buck was already informing Bobby and getting the necessary permissions. And he was Playing with him on the fire pole with Eddie. Maddie even picks up on their closeness by teasing him about having boy-crush on Eddie.

Eddie talked to Buck about his relationship with Shannon. Buck was the one to take Eddie to the school to make sure Chris was ok and to pick him up, after the earthquake.

There was a lot of this trust built up and then Eddie emphasizes it when he drops Chris off with Buck before the tsunami. He drops by Bucks unannounced, clearly having a key to his place. Like it’s normal for Eddie to just show up without warning. I bet only Maddie would have a key besides Eddie. He gets Buck out of bed, not caring about his personal space. He says Chris is spending time with His Buck today. He’s Chris’s Buck. And maybe Eddie’s too. We don’t really know Eddie’s full meaning behind those words. We’ve never seen Eddie leave Chris with anyone but his family or Carla prior to this. He has a very overprotective nature with Chris. He wouldn’t even trust Shannon with him when she first came back.

And with Shannon is the first time we see Eddie get kind of angry at all. This is important for later. Chris has been the only thing that Eddie expresses lots of emotion for, aside from from his anger at Shannon which is still about Chris.

Then we have the tsunami episodes. And Eddie was happy to show everyone the selfies Buck was sending. He didn’t even seem worried that Buck and Chris were out that day. He likely assumed they were at the movies but still. He trusted Buck. And after Cap said that Buck still has them even if he doesn’t know it Eddie has that look of like ohhhhhh. And boom. Christopher basically becomes Bucks therapy.

And after. That scene at the end of Searchers. Where Eddie tells Buck there’s no one is this world he trusts more with his son than Buck, that’s intense. That’s meaningful. Parents just don’t say that to anyone, friends included. He also said Buck loved Christopher enough to never stop trying. Also an important thing to note. And Buck needed to hear that. Buck needs verbal affirmations it seems. He needs to hear that Eddie and Chris are still going to be a part of his life. That Eddie doesn’t hate him. That Chris doesn’t hate him.

Now to this whole lawsuit non-sense. After the tsunami Buck was cut off from his team. Even Eddie and Chris it seemed. Chris was having nightmares but Eddie didn’t go to Buck for it. It didn’t seem like anyone came around Buck much. And then he comes to find out Lena has taken his locker, his place as Eddie’s field partner. They taped over his name. Eddie is clearly spending time with her. It was all too much for Buck after the loss of no one coming around and he did something stupid. He filed the lawsuit. All he wanted was to get back with his 118 family. Including Eddie and Chris. I think the thought of losing Eddie as his best friend hurt him the most. He didn’t mean to cut of ties with Chris. He never wanted to hurt his family, especially Chris. He just wanted to feel like he belonged again. Like he hadn’t lost his family.

But he did act rashly. And Eddie took his rash decisions the hardest. Which came out at the grocery store. His whole speech was I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t reach out to you. It may have started with Chris misses you but it led to I need you why didn’t you consider that. It also made clear how much Buck means to Eddie. How much Eddie considers Buck a parental figure to Chris. The only other time Eddie got emotional was with Shannon. He felt betrayed when she left. When she left Chris. And it seems like Eddie had very similar feelings here. Like he and Buck had built this relationship and that relationship included Chris and then Buck just up and leaves. It’s like he stopped trying. If he loved Chris so much why would he have done this. To Eddie that felt like a Shannon betrayal all over again and he snapped. Which makes his grocery store outburst make so much more sense. And I think Chim was clearly picking up on just how intense this outburst from Eddie really was.

And It wasn’t just that he couldn’t talk to Buck either but that was certainly part of it. Buck was obviously Eddie’s first choice to bail him out of jail. He said to Lena he couldn’t call the team, he couldn’t call Buck. He separated Buck from the team. Like Buck was more to him than just a colleague or work friend. That he can trust Buck when he can’t trust anyone else. Buck obviously means a lot to Eddie. He even looked ready to deck Buck before the car accident in the parking lot happened. And what happens next? Eddie goes and does illegal street fighting. And Buck? He looked crushed when he heard that Eddie and Chris are hurting. I bet that’s exactly why he gave up on the lawsuit. He didn’t want millions. He wanted his family. He was wondering where Eddie was at the rage room. Just wait until Buck finds out about that. I have a feeling he will be the one to pull Eddie back from this spiral that he’s on.

Updates:

First thing I’d like to add into this is how the directors/writers add in these very…romantic tropey things with Buck and Eddie. Like how they set up shots for example. During Eddie’s ceremony when he’s finally like not a probationary firefighter and Chris is walking his helmet up the aisle and they have in frame: Eddie’s Abuela, Christopher coming up the middle, and Buck. And let’s take a min to look at Buck’s face as he sees Chris walking to his dad. It’s the face you’d expect a proud mom to have. But anyway. The fact they put Buck and Eddie’s Abuela in the same shot like that seems intentional and seems meaningful. Because Chris and his Abuela are two very important people to Eddie. And they have now included Buck into that moment. Giving us the impression Buck is as important to Eddie as his son (well almost, No One will be more important than Chris to Eddie but you know what I mean) and his Abuela.

Also, During Buck’s welcome back party we see Cap push Eddie, who was looking already ready to pounce, right to Buck to get the first hug. Everyone else waits while Eddie gets to greet his best friend first. And give him a very  not bro-like hug. This kind of setup is also something we normally see with romantic partners. The love interest being the first to greet or hug or whatever.

Then we have that shot when Buck finally confronts Eddie for ghosting him when he comes back to the station. When they are standing apart Buck to the left Eddie to the right. It’s a very couple dynamic cinematography. Then after all is said and done, Eddie is still lying to Buck. He won’t meet Buck’s eyes. Like he knows if he makes eye contact Buck will push to find out what Eddie’s been secretly up to. And he knows he’d probably tell him. He tends to do that with Buck. He didn’t exactly want to talk about his relationship with Shannon when they took Chris to see Santa but it happened anyway. He talks to Buck. And Eddie currently doesn’t want to talk.

Next we have Buck and Eddie having dinner together at Bucks place with Christopher. We never see Eddie having dinner or hanging out like that with the other fire fam. Maybe as a group sometimes but never alone. And Eddie, once again, seems perfectly comfortable in Bucks place. we’ve seen he has a key when he showed up to get Buck out of bed pre-tsunami. And now we see him taking plates to the sink like he’s done that a million times before. He didn’t need to ask Buck what he wanted him to do.

And then we have that conversation in the kitchen. While Eddie does seem to have forgiven Buck, for real this time, Buck can’t seem to forgive himself. He apologizes for like the hundredth time. And Eddie is honestly shocked. He thought Buck knew things were good. But to Buck things weren’t. He still felt awful. He never meant to hurt his basically family like that. I think this is an interesting parallel here back to Shannon. She wanted Eddie to forgive her but she never really apologized. Not really. Eddie said he CAN forgive her. But wasn’t sure if he could trust her. He said he forgave Buck. No can, no maybe words. I think a lot of that has to do with their approach’s. Buck went out of his way to show Eddie he was sorry. He verbally said it multiple times. Eddie saw his remorse. He saw how much Buck was hurting just by the thought of hurting him and Christopher. That’s why Eddie thought they were past it. And why Buck didn’t. Buck seems pretty insecure with the people in his life. Like if they don’t tell him straight out what’s up he will worry. I don’t think Eddie’s the only one who feels like he’s not enough. I think Bucks love language thingy would be words of affirmation. He needed to hear Eddie tell him they were past it. To see Eddie really had forgiven him. And once they do get past it they are back to their weird flirty but not flirty thing they do. ([i](I mean did we all see Buck saunter over to Eddie with hands on his belt telling him he could take him?? Like that was a flirty way to say that,  Buck))

And I think it says a lot that Eddie says his kind of therapy is just being with Buck and Chris. Buck does seem to be a grounding point for Eddie. Saying that out loud to Buck I think was important too because like I mentioned above Buck needs to hear things. Hearing that tells Buck that Eddie loves spending time with him. With his son. Basically like it’s his ideal day. It makes him happy.

And then we have the Christmas episode. Eddie invites Hen and Denny over to  build gingerbread houses with Chris. But he also invites Buck. Hen points that out. All three of the boys. Buck, Chris, and Denny. Eddie knows how much Buck means to Chris. But I also think on some level he’s moral support for Eddie since he just told Hen that Chris was mad at him or upset really because he had to work on Christmas. And then Chris asks, His Buck, if he can spend Christmas with him. Like if he can’t have his dad he can have his Buck. Which is saying something right there. He knew he was going to be with his Abuela and his aunt but he still asked Buck. Buck obviously has a special place in Chris’s life for him to feel that way. To ask that kind of question knowing the alternative choice. But of course they both work and Eddie and Buck look heartbroken when Buck has to tell that to Chris. Let’s not overlook the face Eddie makes when he watches them make the gingerbread houses. Eddie looks so…happy when he looks over to Buck helping the kids. He doesn’t really look at other people that way.

Then at the station during the dinner, Buck is sitting next to Chris. Or more like Chris gets to sit next to both his dad and his Buck. They group Buck with the Diaz family a lot during this part. When Buck gives Chris his gift, it’s Chris, Buck, Eddie, and his Abuela off to the side. During dinner they sit like a family. During the fire fam photo Buck stands next to Eddie and the Diaz clan. When they return to the station to find all their family there the look on Bucks face is pure joy as he sees Eddie see Chris. And as he watched Eddie rush to Chris. Buck to doesn’t really make that face for other people. He made a similar face when Chris walked Eddie’s helmet up to Eddie after his probation status was up.

The writers and directors are intentionally making Buck look like part of Eddie’s family. They started this in season two but it’s increased since then. The way they film the shots, the way they write the dialogue, and the way the actors act the parts all add up to a very romantic/family centered relationship.

[c]It makes me wonder how much is implied off screen between Buck and Eddie. Like how much time does Buck really spend with the two, how much co-parenting are we not seeing. Because Chris isn’t attached to anyone else from the fire fam like he is Buck. It must mean Buck spends quite a bit of time with them. Kids don’t just get attached like that otherwise.

Episode 11 of season 3. So they start off giving us an odd look between Buck and Eddie on being asked if they are single. Was that necessary? Why did they look at each other? Are they setting up a not single scenario? In all honesty I feel like it’s too late to give us a love interest for either of them this far into a season for it to be a serious love interest.

Then we have Maddie scolding Buck for not bringing a gift to Eddie’s house. He didn’t need Maddie to “save him from himself”. Buck knows when to bring gifts, he’s done so at least twice before. Like with Bobby and Athena’s Christmas thing he brought like wine and eggnog. So he didn’t bring a gift because he was being forgetful or rude he did it because he doesn’t feel like a guest in Eddie’s house. Because Eddie has made him feel this way. Eddie wants him to feel that way. So when he says this is Eddie’s house, he’s not really a guest, both he and Eddie mean that.

Eddie also gives Buck and Chris that really soft but huge smile he only gives them while Buck was playing with Chris on the couch with Albert. And Buck hovers next to Albert and Chris as everyone is getting dinner, like he needs to supervise.

Episode 12 of season 3. Now this episode was stressful for many Buddie shippers I’m sure. But we are not yet to the famous line of Dante “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”.

Yes, Eddie does flirt with that teacher. But Eddie is still human and the pretty girl kinda flirted with him. And sometimes there is a “mistake” relationship before the real romance happens. Many late season love interests don’t end up staying on tv shows. They are a stepping stone almost. If she does stay at all or more like if they continue to pursue this or if Eddie leaves it. Who knows where they were going with this, it could be a thing or it could end at flirting. Although I do fail to see how they could possibly build to something as good and developed with a new love interest as they have with Buck and Eddie. The foundation has basically been built for them already and they would literally have to start from the ground up with someone new to make this any sort of believable. Not just some nice, cute, woman thrown into either of their lives.    

Eddie did apologize to her but some of the things she said make me wonder if they are hinting to Eddie’s future Buck feelings. Like her whole “There’s also some value in learning that… you don’t like horses.” Could that mean she picked up on something Eddie hasn’t? Or foreshadowing? Writers do dirty tricks like that. And I’d personally like to believe they wouldn’t set up Eddie with someone we the audience haven’t had anytime to get to know. He’s not that kind of guy from what we know. He’s had like one relationship. And even when he was separated (before she died) from Shannon he didn’t date?? So why would he just jump into something with this teacher whom we and he know nothing about??

Buck’s teasing Eddie while they got that woman unstuck from a window also seemed a little jealous maybe? Not to say he’s jealous Eddie has a date and he doesn’t but jealous he’s not the date even if Buck doesn’t totally realize that’s why he’s jealous. A stretch perhaps but why did he need to bring it up right then. Plus Eddie looked like “hey, I didn’t tell you that to mock me” kind of face. Like shocked Buck said that. And if Bobby’s face was anything to go by that was something he only had told Buck about because Bobby looked very shocked and confused, and clearly knew nothing of that situation Eddie had gotten himself in. Buck blurting that out seemed a little...out of place, is all I’m saying. Was he maybe a little relieved he may never talk to her again outside of school necessities? But Eddie apologizes anyway soo... 

And we can’t forget about the poker game at Maddie’s and how Buck was not at all offended that he would get set up with a man but that his sister said she wouldn’t do that to Josh. Plus I think Buck isn’t really looking to date. I know he said all those things but since when has Buck ever had trouble getting a date if he wanted to. I was getting the vibe that Buck just isn’t actively looking. That he’s kind of ok with where he’s at right now.  

We also can’t ignore how Eddie clearly vents to Buck. Not only about Chris but his terrible flirting and snippy behavior. And Buck also puts things into a better perspective for Eddie. He doesn’t just offer up some weak moral support, he offers actual constructive advice. He trusts Buck. Yes, that comes with being his best friend but when you pair that with all the other romantic subtext you get that close bond that Eddie likely isn’t going to get with someone else. (Cute English teacher I’m looking at you). And he also trusts Buck with Chris. He trusts Buck’s advice even though he’s not a parent himself. More than he trusts anyone else according to Eddie. And they are at Buck’s place. Alone. No Chris? That was clearly a hangout so Eddie could vent and talk out his feelings. Plus Buck uses baseball as a stepping stone for his point. He knows Eddie likes it. And they only just brought baseball up last episode. But we know Buck pays attention to small details. Did Buck actually read that book in the hospital? Or did he research people who were different but found ways to succeed before Eddie came over? Also, Eddie knew who the player was so he probably knew some of the details of his interesting story. But he let Buck explain.  

And ok. When Eddie is talking to Chris he tells him things he told Buck in regards to Chris. He told his son to never stop trying. He told Buck he knows he loves Chris enough to never stop trying. He also tells Chris that next time he wants to try something they will try it together. And that just happens to also mean with Buck. That was likely Buck’s idea, just like with Carla, and Christmas. Buck doesn’t hesitate with Chris, if he can do something for him he’s going to get it done. He puts so much effort into being there for Chris, for making sure Chris is ok, he already loves Eddie’s son so much and the tsunami only bonded them more.

And the most heartwarming scene of the episode? Eddie and Buck surprising Chris with the special skateboard while Carla films the whole thing. They way Eddie and Buck look while they both spend time with Chris is just so domestic and comfortable and sweet. They feel like a family. They look like a family. They act like a family. Buck and Eddie are so in sync with each other. They only look at each other that way. Eddie’s flirty eyes are still different than the “heart” eyes he gives to Buck and his son. It’s a look so far that is exclusively reserved for them.

There’s also a lot of this parallel of it being pointed out that Buck is single but then they cut to him, Eddie, and Chris as a family unit. Maddie and Chim seem to think they don’t have a kid but oh they have Buck, but Buck has been coparenting with Eddie for a while now and knows more about raising a kid than Maddie or Chim.

And the episode title, Fools, leaves a lot of questions too. The episode Eddie happens to flirt happens to be titled fools? The fools were not limited to the calls they received. Our fire fam is not immune.

Now on to Eddie Begins. Let’s start with the big moment. With Buck breaking down when the rig collapsed trapping Eddie. He screamed his name, began to try digging for Eddie, has to be pulled away by Bobby where he breaks down and cries. And then everyone, Bobby, Hen, Chim, and I assume a guy (who works with those digging rigs?) has to reassure him that no, no one thinks Eddie is dead. And that no one has given up. Buck even suggest to dig by hand. It was the same level of panic he had when he was separated from Chris during the tsunami. When Maddie was missing. It’s his, my family is in danger panic.

Now I know Buck would be worried about anyone he cares about. But he’s never been that overwhelmed with emotion for anyone except Maddie. Someone he finds especially close and dear to him. He hasn’t responded that way to the others the way he responds to Eddie. It’s like the thought of losing Eddie truly broke him.

And then when Eddie is losing consciousness he thinks about Chris, Buck, and the fire fam. But there’s a lot of moments he brings back that are just him Buck and Chris. That relationship with Buck and Chris is important to him. And the look of pure relief and joy on Bucks face when Eddie is okay, is that look he reserves for Chris.

We also had Buck looking at Eddie with the same level of anticipation of his answer to Chris asking him to be part of his show and tell that Chris had. And his level of comfort with Eddie just coming right up like he’s part of that family. And he just takes Eddie’s medal like no big deal. And Eddie let him.

And how they set up the scene where Eddie reunited with the team very much reminds me of when Buck was trying to tell Eddie he lost Chris in the tsunami and then Chris shows up behind him. Everyone was trying to keep Buck calm, make plan to find Eddie, and then there he is. They start with buck’s face. Show his emotion as he realizes Eddie’s not dead. Then we see Buck, and the others rush to him. As buck supports Eddie, we see the look of relief on his face. The look of joy/love at Eddie being ok.

Also, Buck asks the same questions as a nine year old. Just a fun fact not sure what to do with that yet.

[c]The One That Got Away

Let’s just start with Eddie’s sass when Buck says he wants to do something reckless.

I would like to point out how out of character it was for Buck to not go to Eddie’s for Chris’s sleepover. Eddie invited him outright. Even after he declined and everyone else had date night Buck could have showed up at Eddie’s. I understand that they wanted Buck alone at the bar to point out how alone Buck feels but I think they should have picked a different excuse for Eddie. And maybe this is showcasing Buck doesn’t feel like he’s part of Eddie’s “people” but Eddie clearly thinks of him as his people or he wouldn’t have invited him to his plans. Plus, Chris loves Buck so much. He was who he wanted to spend Christmas with when his dad had to work.

And can we talk about how Buck looks pointedly at Eddie when they talk about not losing touch as a fire fam. Buck’s eyes go straight back to Eddie. Every time he says that won’t happen to us or it better not. It’s once again a subtle point to how important they are to each other.

I guess this episode does point out that Buck has self esteem issues. That even when being blatantly offering an open door Buck doesn’t feel like he’s welcome. But that could all change with a simple conversation. A simple talk with Eddie. And hell it could start with Eddie telling Buck he understands what it’s like to be left behind. Shannon left him. Without warning. He knows. They could talk. It would honestly probably be good for both of them. Buck obviously has a big heart and what he did for Red was sweet. But he also took it too seriously as that’s his future but that’s simple not the case and someone seriously who isn’t Maddie, and probably Eddie, needs to tell him so.

This episode opened the door for Abby’s return and I honestly hope it brings us closure for Buck so he can move on. So he can maybe have that talk with Eddie. So Eddie and Buck can heal together.

The finale parts of season 3.

There are two finale eps this season. The first part isn’t too Buck or Eddie focused but we have a few moments we can talk about.

First up is the moment in the fire truck as Buck is giving hot air ballon facts and when Eddie asks where he heard that from and asks Maddie, then Buck goes no someone else. I was a bit surprised at his reluctance to tell Eddie. Eddie is the only person there who doesn’t know Abby personally. He only knows what Buck or the team has told him. He has no first hand bias. It felt like he doesn’t want Eddie to perhaps judge him or pick up on he’s still got some hang ups when it comes to Abby. But Eddie is his best friend and relationships are certainly something they talk about with each other and not the rest of the team. Eddie in particular. Not to mention Eddie’s suspicious eyebrows. He probably knew exactly who Buck was avoiding talking about.

And then we have the scene with Hen and Karen and Hen saying she doesn’t want to invite tons of people for the “dinner” with Chim because of cost. Well if Hen brings Karen, Chim brings Maddie, Maddie invites Buck (probably out sibling loyalty), Buck invites Eddie. And then Bobby and Athena have to get invited. This was set up in such a way that couples were grouped together with the exception of Maddie and Buck but she has that sister love of inclusion thing with him. That’s more subtext. More tropes.

Now part two. The first big interaction with Buck and Eddie would be when Eddie is bringing up summer camp with the fire fam. Eddie doesn’t seem too worried about letting him go but Buck seems to have all kinds of concerns. None of the others voiced any concerns or challenges Eddie’s decision to let him go. But Buck does. Acting more like an overprotective parent than a friend. And when he says what if he gets homesick felt like it had two meanings, much like when Eddie said/yelled at Buck in the grocery store. For Eddie when he yelled Chris misses you, there was an undertone of, I miss you. For Buck, what if he gets homesick, felt like what if I miss him? The added snark of sounds like child labor adds to that feeling. Like he’s just trying to find fault with this summer camp idea. Of course Buck wants Chris to have a good time but I think his worrying goes a bit deeper than seeing Chris as his best friends kid even if he doesn’t realize it. And of course we have another frustrated Bobby eye roll at Buck’s words. Like he knows Buck is being ridiculous but isn’t going to actually tell him so and that he probably sees it what Buck doesn’t. The looks Bobby has been giving Buck and Eddie this season have been wonderful overall, just saying.

Then when have when Eddie and Abby and talking and Buck shows up. Eddie notices the change in Buck’s demeanor. And his shocked face throughout the encounter is priceless. And after they rescue Sam, Eddie asks Buck if he is ok. He gives him the chance to tell Eddie he’s not ok by asking him directly which Eddie doesn’t do too often. His concern for Buck is obvious but he doesn’t push. He is trusting Buck for the time being that he will at least be ok enough to work and maybe Eddie understands better than anyone that focusing on the job is what he needs at that moment.

Next we have Buck wanting to do something reckless to save both Abby’s fiancé and the other person. Buck is adamant and fighting with Bobby. That’s normal. Buck challenges Bobby quite a bit when it comes to reckless decisions. What is unusual in this case is Eddie stepping in. Yelling at Buck to stop. He says this as Buck brings up the fire truck that crushed his leg. Almost like that was too much for Eddie. He had to watch that happen to Buck and was there when the truck came off him. He doesn’t want to risk his partners life. Normally Eddie is the one to jump into reckless situations with him but this time he didn’t, he tried to talk Buck down and out of the idea. Obviously that didn’t work. And Eddie doesn’t raise his voice often. Shannon and Buck are really the only people he has yelled at. He didn’t even really yell at Chris’s teacher, it was a sort of raised voice and he was angry but he didn’t outright yell. I think that means something or speaks to the level of closeness Buck and Eddie share. That the only two people he ever yells at are his son’s mother and Buck. The show puts a lot of parallels between Buck and Shannon and that can’t be for nothing.

And then May’s party. Not only was it adorable, it was very Buddie subtext heavy. First let’s talk about how each couple was shown taking pics together and then Buck and Eddie. They are, once again, paired like a couple. Taking many goofy photos with each other and then with Chris. Buck even taking many solo pictures with Christopher. No one else does that. Buck also seems to be helping Eddie keep an eye on Chris. They were even standing next to each other during the beginning of the party. He’s the one who helps him write a message for May. While keeping a general eye on other people’s kids is ok Buck goes above and beyond for Chris. More than what friends typically do. I would need to see more evidence one way or the other but Chris also says love Christopher in cards addressed to both Buck and Eddie and I wonder if Chris would do that for the other members of the fire fam or just Buck. They really played up Buck and Eddie and Chris being a family at the end of this episode.

Season 4

Alone Together

The only really note worthy moment to happen was Buck talking to his therapist about telling people how he really feels. That could mean a lot of things, like maybe stop people pleasing all the time or actually tell people when he’s feeling something that’s not happy things. Or it could mean having a talk with someone with an adorable son about feelings you may have that are totally not platonic.

Future Tense

We get our first real Buddie moments of season 4 in future tense. Specifically with Buck and Chris pranking Eddie. Eddie did always strike me the type to be a slight technophobe so it was hilarious. But back to the Buddie.

When Chris and Buck are playing video games and Eddie says “we’re taking an internet break” only for Chris to ask to go play games at Buck’s place, forcing Buck to look at Eddie. Eddie gives him that crossed arms you better have my back look. And Buck obviously compiles. It’s very good cop/bad cop parenting dynamics if I’ve ever saw them. It’s also very domestic. Like a couple where one is sorta still new to the whole parenting and rules thing. Much like Bobby was with Athena’s kids at first. He didn’t want to be the bad guy right away and usually deferred to Athena. That’s kind of where Buck and Eddie are at and they aren’t even a (canon) couple.

Then we have the actual prank. When Eddie opens the box with the coffee maker. Chris is right away on the phone with Buck. So either Buck is on speed dial or Chris knows his number. Either way that’s important. If Eddie has him on speed dial, and Chris knows the speed dial number, it only emphasizes how important Buck is in their lives. If Chris knows the number that’s also telling on his importance as most kids don’t memorize phone numbers easily, and only memorize important ones.

And final point of this episode, is the look on Buck’s face after Eddie hangs up. It’s the same look we have seen Buck make after talking with Abby, the first real love he’s had. That can’t be totally a coincidence that Buck makes that face with Eddie then? Why was it necessary to make that same face that seems to only be with someone he has feelings for previously?

The Crossover with Lone Star

First thing, both Eddie and Buck seemed a little disappointed it wasn’t going to just be them for the Texas trip. Then Buck seemed rather jealous when Eddie wasn’t going to be with him in the field. And seemed rather ruffled that Eddie didn’t seem to share his distress.

It also seemed weird that Eddie and Marjan were so almost flirty? Eddie doesn’t flirt well even when he’s trying. I wondered if he bonded with her so much, insta following, the selfie, and all, to get her to follow Buck back. He subtly hyped Buck multiple times, telling her he’s not so bad and that he helped with Chris’s skateboard.

Then we have TK assuming Buck was flirting with him, Buck looking confused but not immediately reacting negatively, and Eddie showing up right after. Nothing is an accident in film. Eddie showing up is either a subtle nod to future stuff or continuing the aid of the Buddie Baiting. Plus why was that scene even necessary at all? Having TK think Buck is flirting is a deliberate scene. Yes it does add to TK’s story by finally admitting he and Carlos are serious, but they didn’t need Buck to do that. And if it’s more Buddie Baiting it’s dumb but if it’s not then it’s another way to slowly build up to Buck and/or Eddie coming to terms with not being straight and having feelings.

The conclusion here?

Buck and Eddie definitely have an established relationship. Maybe it’s not romantic, at least yet (I can hope), but Buck has become a parental figure in Christopher’s life, regardless. And Eddie doesn’t let that happen with just anyone. And hell, they have more actual chemistry than most actual tv couples. I’m always a bit surprised when people say they don’t see how anyone could think Buck and Eddie should be a couple or how they look like a couple. You don’t have to ship them but saying you can’t even see why people do? Confuses me, Because they show is really hitting us hard with romantic tv tropes. Like you can have male friendships without romantic subtext. Like Jake and Charles from Brooklyn 99 or Shawn and Gus from Psych or JD and Turk from Scrubs. No one ships these friends seriously because there is no romantic subtext or tropes.

If this is just slow burn, like say Booth and Bones were on Bones then fine. I get it. All these little moments were just part of the build up and that’s fine. Booth and Bones took like six seasons before they became a couple. And they dated other people while still having those underlying feelings for each other. I would be ok if this is the route Buddie is taking.

However, if these tropes go nowhere and Buddie doesn’t develop, then this show is probably going to take the title for best queerbaiting show on network television.  

And in all honesty I want Eddie to have someone who loves his son as much as he does because his son is his world. And who loves him too. And Buck already does that. And Chris loves Buck. And I want Buck to have that family that loves him because family is clearly something important to Buck and something he may not have had growing up. And he has that with Eddie and Chris. They could easily be each other’s happiness. They made something wonderful, it didn’t just fall into their laps.  

If you have made it this far...

Thank You for coming to my Ted Talk and we will see you again once season four airs for more!!

[tibbinswrites]

Hi! If the slots haven’t been filled yet could you do prompt #635, Destiel, something in cannonverse (so preferably not au or endverse) and angst with happy ending? Thank you! I love love love your writing, you are one of my favorite Destiel writers! You capture the characters so perfectly! I hope you have a nice day!

*grovelling, so much grovelling* I am so, so sorry that this took so long Anon, especially as you picked a prompt that I was hoping someone would pick for ages! When it came to actually WRITING for it though I drew a huge blank. I wrote 4000 words then scrapped them all, then I cycled through about three other possible ideas but none of them did this prompt justice, and THEN I got an email about my big project deadline that I had completely forgotten about so I had to sort that, and then I was in that horrible mood where I was hating everything I wrote so I had to take a break and THEN I came back with fresh eyes and this happened. Thank you so much for bearing with me. I hope it’s worth the wait! You are far too kind! I’m so happy you like how I write. I still have one prompt slot left. I have now done prompts for: #1, #2, #4 and #16, #9, #10, #20, #26, #33, #77, #78, #170 (part 1), (part 2), (part 3), #327, #502 and #635 Anyway, ON WITH THE FIC!  635. “I can’t be mad because I let you slip away…”

Things had been kind of weird since Jack got his soul back. There were more tears than Dean was comfortable dealing with and more apologies than he knew how to forgive. There was only so much he could push aside for the kid’s benefit after all, and only so many times he could hear his mother’s name emerge from the mouth of her killer.

He hadn’t yelled yet though. He’d been trying so damn hard to keep his temper in check ever since Purgatory had him sobbing on his knees. The realisation of what his anger had almost cost him—more than once on reflection—had been burned into his very lungs. It had been a pretty big wake up call to say the least. So he hadn’t yelled at the kid. It wasn’t Jack’s fault. That was his new mantra and he replayed it every time he saw Jack start to tear up, every time he tried to (not so subtly) get Dean alone, as though it was the presence of Sam and Cas that was bothering him and not the fact that he couldn’t forget the weight of his mother’s body in his arms, or the all too familiar stench of her pyre as she burned for the second time. Dean had so far managed to dodge him, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before one of the others intervened on Jack’s behalf.

It had been a couple weeks now and Sam was starting to give him pointed looks whenever he made his feeble excuses about needing to make a grocery run or how he’d love to stay and talk but there was a special sci-fi movie marathon at the local movie theatre that he’d been wanting to go to, or how the washing machine had been acting up and he’d really need to concentrate while fixing it. Those looks were slowly inching from understanding towards judgemental, but he just wasn’t ready yet. He couldn’t look Jack in the eye and tell him honestly that he forgave him for killing Mary, because he didn’t. He might not exactly blame the kid anymore, but that didn’t mean Mary was forgotten.

It didn’t matter that Jack needed to hear the words from Dean’s mouth, this was something he couldn’t compromise himself on.

He hated that everyone else seemed to have a timeline for how long he was allowed to grieve, now that he had the time to grieve. It was different for Sam. It felt petty and resentful to think it but it was. Sam hadn’t missed Mary the first time, not really. You can’t miss what you never had after all and while Sam had definitely felt the absence of Mary growing up, in the spaces that Dean had been unable to fill, and he had peppered Dean with questions about her more than once, they had been more curious than sad. He hadn’t lost her the same way Dean had, nor did he remember the fire like Dean did, nor did he truly understand how different John had been before Mary died.

He wasn’t sure why that made a difference but it did. And sure, Mary had never been the idol he’d imagined her to be as a kid, but now he was struggling so hard not to put her back on that pedestal. He’d sorted through so much of his childish crap. Having Mary alive and well and fiercely stubborn had helped him to do that. Her unwillingness to compromise her independence and love of hunting in order to fulfil Dean’s fantasies of having someone tuck him in at night and tell him that it was all gonna be okay had helped Dean grow up in the way that he should have grown up the first time; not forced into it at four years old, confused and scared, the only thought in his head watch out for Sammy, but in the healthy way that Sam already somehow managed, true maturity instead of faking it because he had to.

Not just a mom, were the words he remembered most clearly.

But now he’d lost her again, and with her any chance of showing her how far he’d come. A foolish, selfish notion perhaps, but one that he’d been nursing in his chest for a very long time: the desire to prove his father wrong, to prove to himself that he wasn’t broken beyond repair, to prove to Mary that it had been her, not John, who had been the one to lay the foundation for the person he wanted to be. The person he could choose to be.

Without her he was struggling to remember why he should bother. Doing things for his own gain felt stupid and narcissistic, another lesson that John had imprinted in him. If somebody else didn’t need it from him then what was the point? Not that Mary had needed to see Dean figure out how to become a person but when she was alive at least he could lie to himself.

He’d retreated since Jack got his soul back. From everyone. Sam had been giving him space, Jack he actively avoided, and whatever progress he’d made with Cas had backslid into tiptoeing on eggshells around the guy, not wanting to hear how much he hated Dean for not showing his son the courtesy of accepting an apology, and definitely not wanting to risk a fight that led to him taking off again. He didn’t know how to fix any of it. How could he make himself forgive Jack? How could he make himself come to terms with everything he’d lost that his mother had represented to him? How could he stop missing Mary herself? The empty hole inside, imperfectly shaped, moulded around the two different Mary’s that he’d known just seemed to grow more ragged at the edges.

He was out in the woods, of course, at the spot Mary’s body had reappeared. This was where he came now when the air felt too stifling inside. It was like a grave, he supposed, a place to come and think about what a person meant to you. He’d never really had that before. He’d only been to Mary’s grave in Lawrence twice, on the day she was put in it and the day, twelve years later, that he’d had to go back. They’d moved around too much when he was young and though Bobby had offered to take him more than once when John had dumped them at his place, Dean had always refused, knowing his dad wouldn’t like it and not really seeing the point anyway.

He understood the point now. Even without a marker he still felt her here. Which he knew was dumb, because she was in Heaven with a husband who’d never really existed and two children who she’d never got to see grow up and hopefully, hopefully the two adult sons who’d grown up without her, the ones she could be proud of.

He sniffed. He always cried when he came here, he’d stopped trying to fight it. He didn’t talk to Mary, of course. She couldn’t hear him and he didn’t have anything worth saying anyway. He just came here to try and untangle the mess of thoughts in his head, maybe so he could figure out what to do next, how to fix everything without undoing whatever progress he’d made for himself.

“Dean?”

He froze, the age-old tactic of ‘if I don’t respond it’ll go away’. It didn’t of course. And to make matters worse, it wasn’t an it, it was Cas.

“What are you doing out here?”

Dean shrugged, casual. “Just needed some air.” He didn’t turn, but he heard the sound of recognition Cas made when he realised the significance of this particular spot.

“Avoiding Jack?”

Dean turned to automatically deny it but Cas’ face was calm and without judgement. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I know he’s coming on strong,” he continued. “I’ve tried to get him to dial it back a little but he really wants to talk to you.”

“I can’t do it, Cas.” Dean said, looking back to the place his mother’s body had materialised, his voice little more than a scrape. “I can’t look him in the eye and tell him that that I’m over it. I’m not. I might not ever be.”

There was a click in Cas’ throat as he swallowed. Then, “Your forgiveness is only part of it,” he said slowly. “Albeit a major part, but he understands, Dean. He understands that what he did can’t be written off, he just wants to hear it from you. If you explain it to him, tell him that you just need time and you’ll go to him when you’re ready, he won’t keep apologising. He’s just trying to get a reaction, I think, though sometimes even I want to snap at him.”

Dean chewed that over for a moment. Cas made it sound so simple. Maybe it wasn’t so black and white as either lying to the kid or yelling that he’ll never forgive him—the only two options that Dean had been able to come up with so far—of course, it meant talking, which Dean was notoriously bad at, but the way Cas broke it down, it didn’t sound so hard. Jack was a smart kid for a three-year-old after all, and he could definitely understand ‘I don’t hate you but I need time’, which was basically what his feelings boiled down to. He didn’t have to explain everything. Hell, he’d never even tell Sam everything but Jack deserved at least the basics, what with the way he’d been freezing the kid out lately.

“What’s the other part?” he asked suddenly, remembering the first thing Cas had said, he twisted his neck around to see Cas frowning at him, his head tilted adorably to one side (yeah, he thought it, so what?).

“Isn’t it obvious? He misses you.”

Dean just blinked stupidly. “Huh?”

Cas huffed and walked forward to stand at his side. Somehow he knew not to walk in front of him and obscure his view of the clearing, but instead stayed a solid presence next to him. Cas was good like that, Dean thought, he just knew things so they didn’t have to be said; he understood in the quiet kind of way that meant more to him than he could ever express, but he was pretty sure Cas knew that too. Still, sometimes he toyed with the idea of saying it aloud.

“He misses spending time with you,” Cas clarified. “You took him fishing once, let him drive your car, taught him how to fire a gun and got him hooked on those horror films you like. He loves you, Dean, and he hates that he hurt you.”

Dean looked down then, and he dug the toe of his boot into the soft dirt. “Oh.”

A comforting weight landed on his shoulder and he didn’t need to look up at the sudden touch. Somehow, Cas had become a safe person even to his subconscious. He didn’t know when that had happened, honestly he tried not to look too closely at it, but he’d arrived at a place now where he could admit to himself, however briefly, that he really, really liked that it had.

“You’re his father too, Dean. Just as much as and me and Sam. You know that, right?

Dean shrugged the shoulder Cas wasn’t touching, not wanting him to remove his hand. “I was thinking of myself more like the fun uncle,” he said, trying to keep his tone light through the ball in his throat.

“No you weren’t.” Cas said, soft but firm, not letting Dean joke his way out of this. Which, actually, he was okay with. Cas always knew how far he could push, how far Dean needed to be pushed. Even when Sam couldn’t get the balance right, Cas always could. Still, he wouldn’t be Dean if he didn’t try.

“Prove it,” he said, flashing a grin at the angel, who merely rolled his eyes and let his hand drop. Suddenly, he was the one toeing at the grass, a hint of pink on his cheeks.

“I’ve missed you too,” he said. “For what it’s worth.”

“I’m right here.” Dean said, and then it was too late to take it back, because this wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go. He was supposed to make another joke, a playful jab, not admiring the way the freckles of sunlight through the trees highlighted the chestnut in Cas’ hair, nor heeding the gentle warmth in his belly that only happened around Cas, nor stepping forward to place his own hand on Cas’ shoulder because he needed the contact, he needed to be grounded in these last few moments before he fucked everything up, again, and that pleasant warm feeling was beginning to twist into panic.

But then Cas met his eyes and he breathed again, even though the look in them was melancholy.

“You haven’t been,” he said. “You’ve been avoiding me as well. Or, not avoiding but you’ve been different. I wonder if perhaps you’re unable to forgive me either, but too kind to say so.”

Dean almost snorted. He was a lot of things, some of them even good, but kind wasn’t even in the top fifty. Cas gave him a look that said he knew what he was thinking and not to respond to it, so instead he pushed through his instinct and went with pure honesty.

“I can’t forgive you because I never blamed you, Cas, not really. I was just lashing out because… I dunno, because I expect more from you than I should, I guess. And it’s not fair, I know that, I just… I’m used to you fixing things, and I don’t know what to do when you can’t. And you left because I was being a dick and I can’t blame you for that. I can’t be mad because I let you slip away.”

Cas’ expression shifted then, and it was only that moment that Dean realised they were standing so close. One of Dean’s hands gripped at the arm of that damned coat and Cas was so close that he could probably—fuck—he could probably see the small tracks his tears had made. Dean was so close that he could make out the hope in Cas’ eyes, and for the first time, he wasn’t scared shitless at the sight of it. Or at least, he wasn’t so terrified that he could let Cas slip away again.

“I’m right here,” Cas echoed.

“We could be something.” Dean said, his voice a very unattractive croak, well aware that talking about this shit was so far from his wheelhouse it had a different zip code. His breath hit a few errant hairs on Cas’ forehead and they flinched in rhythm to the slight bump at the crest of each inhale where their chests nudged together. “If, you know, if you wan—”

Cas was already kissing him.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXVIII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Remember me

(7x17)

Hello my dears!! Well... Welcome to this volume and I'm so happy because CAS IS BACK! 👏👏

And the most beautiful of all is ... Sera ... She had to write it. She had to write Castiel coming back and not just that, she being a Bro-only Stan, had to make it VERY VERY DESTIEL. And she made a great job. Thank you Serita.

Okay! I want to say thanks to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta and discussed the scenes with me.

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's talk about Destiel.

Cas! You're back! But wait.. who's she?

We are going to talk just about episode 7x17 The Born Again Identity... Because it has a lot of Destiel on it, and we need an entire meta for that.

Remember my last chronicle, Dean was in bad shape, depressed and suicidal because Castiel was gone? Okay... Keep that in mind, and watch this reaction when Dean finds Castiel...

He was mourning Cas, and Bobby, and his brother was about to die too, and suddenly, he found his faith back, his best friend, that person who changed his entire existence, was alive. In front of his eyes. So yeah, in Dean's face we can see the shock.

But then, the happiness to find his friend vanished, because Castiel doesn't remember him, and worst. He's married!

The whole scene in Daphne's place is very heartbreaking for Dean.

Do we need to repeat the similitude between Dean and Daphne, the similarities in their names and the green eyes and light brown hair? Because that something very known in the fandom, so yes.

Now... This will be a travel through Dean sad facial expressions... First of all, when Emmanuel presents Daphne as his wife... Dean's face is like...

"Your wife, right."

Dean is shocked, and sad, and confused. Cas has a wife? My Cas? When this happened? And he can't remember me?

And then, the hand shake as if they were strangers, another daga in Dean's heart...

He's trying to swallow Cas doesn't remember, he's like disoriented, and even so, Cas is watching him with his typical questioning eyes. Is Cas feeling he knows this man from somewhere? Or is just curious about Dean's awkward reaction.

And I can't stop noticing the tremble in Dean's lips before articulate any word on these two gifs... Jensen played it deliciously. The nervousness, the pain and the confusion in his eyes, the brokenheart.

The name Emmanuel means the God's sent one. Cas was sent to save Sam this time?

But... The thing is... Dean is still in shock, and when he had to make some conversation in the car with Emmanuel he just threw the matter that got him in awe (and nervous, and mad, and heartbroken... Remember Jeffrey in episode 15 when the demon came back... But possesed another man? Well this is the parallel I told you... Who's she, Cas?)

DEAN: So, Daphne – is that, uh, your wife?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: She found me and cared for me.

DEAN: Meaning?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Oh, it's a...strange story. You may not like it.

DEAN: Believe me, I will.

So yes, Dean is intrigued... But hurted too, there's a pause between naming Dahpne and your wife, and is the first thing he wants to speak about with CAS. Is something that's bothering him. And also he wants to know how is that Cas is alive. (I just wanted to point here... When they're in the car talking, outside the windows, there's green and blue lights passing by only... Destiel coded color... Sigh...)

When Emmanuel said it's a strange story, and maybe Dean wouldn't like it, Dean is very sure he needs to know badly what happened to his Cas that ended like this...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: A few months ago, she was hiking by the river, and I wandered into her path, drenched and confused, and... unclothed. I had no memory. She said... God wanted her to find me.

DEAN: So who named you Emmanuel?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Bouncybabynames.com.

DEAN: Well, it's working for you. Must be weird not knowing who you are.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Well, it's my life. And it's a good life.

So maybe knowing Emmanuel name meaning, Dean said it works for you. Because Castiel is an angel. But... Keeping the "identity" topic, Dean had his issues still with Cas, his grudges... and he can't talk about it with him, because Castiel doesn't remember what he did. So yes, Dean needs to say something about those grudges he has with Cas, so he said this...

What if you were... A bad guy?

Why is Dean asking this? Because he needs to get something in return. You were bad with us, Cas.

Even if Cas tried to apologize before he died, Dean couldn't heal that wound. Because it was Cas.

And Emmanuel answer is similar to what Cas thought was doing right... I feel I'm a good person. Of course he is. He did everything thinking he was doing right. Till everything went wrong.

Dean can't forget what Cas did to him

We're in one very angsty point here. This chat in the car, is Dean trying so hard to not explode with these so many months of suffering and ruminating his best friend (and something else) betrayal. And his lost. And now he's there, with him. But he can't discuss, or talk, or threw at him his anger, because he doesn't remember.

So... The conversation gets weird...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: So, your brother...

DEAN: Sam.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Sam. What's his diagnosis?

DEAN: Well, it's not exactly medical.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: That should be fine. I can cure illness of a spiritual origin.

DEAN: Spiritual? Okay. Someone did this to him.

Okay, Emmanuel talked first about spiritual origin, so Dean should feel worst there... Yeah, spiritual is something Cas did with Sam. The anger again. The remembrance...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: You're angry.

DEAN: Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother's head.

Emmanuel saw through those words, the tone in Dean's voice and his face. He saw Dean was angry. So Dean couldn't say these words directly to CAS, so he will say it to Emmanuel anyway, he needed to say, to vomit everything there...

And he's not just angry because of what Cas did to Sam, but ... Everything behind that action. The betrayal... His death... The talk to solve things between them that never happened...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?

DEAN: Yeah, well, he's gone.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Did you kill him? I sense that you kill a lot of people.

Two things in Emmanuel observation: he named betrayal and friend and that's the wound that didn't heal in Dean.

The hunter said HE'S GONE. Because that Cas isn't there. That's Emmanuel. So, his Cas, is gone. And that's heartbreaking too.

And Emmanuel doing his "reading minds" stuff... By the end... Dean had to vomit again more things...

Pay attention to Dean's words and the way he talks... He doesn't name "things that may hurt him" that people does... Like lying, or die. Betrayal. He didn't name it. He just says wherever it was, In one way he's avoiding those words... is hard for him to talk about this, after being depressed because of that. He confesses he always could endure those things then he repeats I always could with sorrow, because that was before Cas. Cas would be always different to him, in every aspect.

When he says... What Cas did he makes a pause... And his face is showing the pain, because what Cas did, that... He couldn't endure it. And here my friends, we have the confirmation, from Dean's mouth itself, he was in bad shape, depressed, suicidal, because of Castiel.

And he finished with a I don't know why, but we do, because we learned Cas is more than family. He's in love with Castel. And he'll discover this in season 8.

Remember Me

When Meg appears, Dean is worried she can tell the truth about Emmanuel's true identity, but it isn't just that... He really gets jealous...

This scene is a classic but check out Dean's facial expression, he IS jealous. He remembers Castiel kissed her. And he remembers she was flirting with him, just like now. This confirm that if he was jealous of Meg, who get a hot kiss from CAS, how jealous he had felt for Daphne? Who actually was Emmanuel/Castiel's wife? Is just logic, my friends. Beacuse being a wife gets more benefits that just a kiss... Well we don't actually know if Emmanuel and her... You know what I mean, but Dean can imagine that they were a real couple... Ergo, yes. Dean was jealous of Daphne too.

Now... Let's talk about that scene that always makes me sigh... Damn...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: This silence is very uncomfortable. Is there something I should know?

MEG: I don't know. Dean?

DEAN: No. Meg has that effect. Awkward. You know?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: That must be difficult for you.

MEG: Dean's making a joke, Emmanuel.

I wanted to put the previous dialogue to give context... I think this is one of my fav angsty Destiel looks watching when he's not watching.

Each time I see it, my heart beats fast. Beacuse... This is Emmanuel, right? But Emmanuel is behaving like old Cas, not understanding the joke. Being literal and all of that. And he even chuckled a little when Meg explained to him it was a joke... So... Look at Dean... He's side eyeing him... Because that's his Cas, the clueless, and cute Cas. And I'm certainly sure this is one of the things he missed of him. The clueless and cute angel. I'm sure is one of the most beautiful and innocent characteristics of CAS that enchanted Dean. So... He watched him, secretly, in silence, Cas is there... But he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember him. He missed him, besides the pain of his betrayal, and the rage that doesn't let him forgive him easily... Besides of that... He missed him. His Cas. That's the look, a sad, longing, and melancholic look in Dean's face.

Then... It was time for Revelations...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Why wouldn't you tell me? Being an angel – it sounds pleasant.

DEAN: It's not, trust me. It's bloody, it's corrupt. It's not pleasant.

Dean was protecting him? Trying not to loose Cas by telling him the truth? He needed him to heal his brother, so... It could be. But it was also true that... Knowing what he had done... Will be devastating for the angel. Dean knew it. Maybe he was trying to protect him.

MEG: He would know. You used to fight together. 

Meg said it, they were bestest friends, Emmanuel is in awe, and immediately he asks Am I Cas? And ashamed because he can't remember Dean, he averted his eyes to the ground. But those words are like dagas in Dean's heart. He doesn't remember him.

I understand why you did what you did

When Cas went to smite those demons, he began to recover his memories, and most of them were of Dean. When he comes back, he's puzzled, because he doesn't know why is he alive and the whole Godstiel mess kicked him hard, and most of all... Because he knew Dean's words in the car, full of anger and resentment, and pain were for him. He knows Dean can't forgive him. That's the worst for him.

So he tries to run away...

CASTIEL: What I did. What I became. Why didn't you tell me?

DEAN: Because Sam is dying in there.

CASTIEL: Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn't be here.

The guilt in Case is huge, and Dean's words are knives for his heart.

DEAN: If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time.

This could be desperation because the only hope to save his brother was running away, but it also is because Dean didn't want to lose Castiel again. So, he threw this desperate quote, is kind of what his brain maybe was telling him the whole time to help him forgive Cas.

CASTIEL: Don't defend me. Do you have any idea the death toll in Heaven? On Earth?

Castiel's regrets and guilt again.

CASTIEL: We didn't part friends, Dean.

DEAN: So what?

Castiel recalls, he tried to fix things, but he couldn't, he couldn't apologize or even make Dean to forgive him. He remembers the break up of their friendship.

But Dean is willing to forget all of that, he needs him now, and he doesn't want to lose him. Is like what Cas did, it doesn't matter anymore, because... He doesn't want Cas to go away from him again.

CASTIEL: I deserved to die. Now, I can't possibly fix it... So why did I even walk out of that river?

That's the idea will remain in Castiel's mind for a long time from now. He thinks he deserves the biggest of the punishment. Death. For what he did. He killed angels, innocent people, he broke Sam's mind wall and he betrayed Dean.

DEAN: Maybe to fix it. Wait.

Dean wants him to know this could be a second chance for them.

And then...

Dean kept Castiel's trenchcoat with him, he even moved from car to car. Why? Because he couldn't forget him. Because he needed to remember h. Because he was CAS, more than just family to him, and because (from the deleted dialogue) he felt inside he'll be back... Inside of his heart... Because he couldn't believe that was the end for them, their special friendship or wherever that was. It couldn't end like that.

And Cas is amazed, look at his face. He can't believe Dean kept that for him. And he can't say no to him. As always. His human weakness.

To Conclude:

This episode is huge in Destiel content. Each dialogue and facia expression in Case and Dean talks about the pain and angst, recalling their break up, and trying to fix something, little by little.

Dean was heartbroken, because he did find Cas, but he couldn't talk with him because he didn't remember him.

Dean missed Cas badly, and when he saw the angel was about to leave, he tried to convince not to go away again from him.

When Dean gave him back his trenchcoat, Cas couldn't say no. And we couldn't believe the hunter had kept the trenchcoat all this time! 😱

I hope you like this chronicle, it was very large!

See you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from season 7, here are the links... Vol. XXV, XXVI y XXVII

Buenos Aires September 12nd 2019 1:46 AM

[cutebuckley]

so please don't go- Part 1

It had been weeks since Buck was back at the department, and after suing it it hadn't been the same around.

All his friends were so distant with him he didn't feel welcomed. When they had launch he would feel left out even though they ate together. Hell, he even felt left out on missions. Bobby didn't let him go to a lot of them and he would be doing some other thing, like giving candy on Halloween's day.

What hurt the most? The way Eddie ignored him ever since he was back. Buck could see that Hen, Chim and even Bobby were slowly forgiving him, but Eddie didn't seem like he was going to. He hadn't spoken to him even if it was to tell him that he was still mad

...

 

He had had enough that day. They went to a mission where Bobby asked for Buck and Eddie to go together to see if there was anyone left behind on the building. Eddie told him he would rather go alone, and that's when it hit Buck their friendship was really screwed up.

He wasn't the kind of guy to drink. He sometimes drank a couple of beers, but nothing too excessive. But that day all he wanted to do was to drink the pain away.

So there he was, in a random bar he found on his way home waiting for the bartender to take his order. That's when he heard someone talking to him "rough day at work?". He turned to look who it was, and he saw a familiar face: Lena.

He remembered her. Well, more like he remembered how he felt when he saw her in the department taking his place. He remembered how jealous he was when he saw her hanging out and working with his team, how it looked that his team had already moved on from him.

But all that belonged in the past, so he started a conversation with her and discovered how nice she actually was.

They hung out a couple of times more before Lena asked him to join her and her team on the weekend. Everyone in the 136 was super nice and welcomed him easily. Buck found himself really enjoying their company and forgetting about his problems in the 118.

Lena told him to meet her at the 136 station and that they would go to the tavern from there. When Buck got there he met the captain.

"Evan Buckley, right?" Ronnie shook his hand

"Yes sir, but people call me Buck"

"Well Buck, I have to tell you that I've seen you working and you impressed me. Would you consider joining the 136?" - Ronnie knew he already had a good relationship with the members on the 136. Not to mention that Lena told him that Buck was having problems with the 118.

Buck blinked trying fo process the information.

It was true that he had a great relationship with all the members in the 136, but he didn't even think about what it would be to work with them,

Ronnie saw the shock on Buck's face "Hey, you don't have to answer now. Take your time to think about it"

"Thanks" Buck said in almost a whisper, heading out the department

He spent two whole days thinking about the offer. He was lying on the bed looking at the ceiling with his hands under his head. Was he really going to do it? Left his team and join the 136? Truth to be told the 118 felt less like home every day that passed.

...

 

He woke up ready to take that step, he was nervous but it would be the best for everyone. When he arrived at the station everyone was already there except Eddie. He sighed. Maybe it was better that way.

Chim, Hen and Bobby were having breakfast. Buck approached them feeling his heart beat faster than usual. He sighed before speaking "Captain Nash". Bobby looked at him with an eyebrow arched, Buck never ever called him like that "I just wanted to let you know guys that I will be transferring to the 136 in a couple of days.

"What? Why?" Bobby frowned "Kid, I know it's not the same as before but you don't have to..."

"No uh...it's not that. Well, it is, but that's not the only reason" he looked at all three of them "I know our relationship is not the same and that you have difficulties to trust me again, and I understand. I also know you're trying, and I know eventually we're going to be the same as always. But..."

"Eddie..." Hen cut him

"Yeah" Buck sighed, looking at her "That's the major reason I'm transferring. While you guys are trying to trust me again, he won't even speak at me and hell, it hurts a lot." He took a deep breath " I don't want anyone to be in danger because of us. What if.... what if we go on a call and something bad happens because Eddie and I aren't able to work as a team?"

"Buck"

"No Bobby, okay? I'm transferring"

He waited looking at them. Was he supposed to wait until they said something? Did he have to just walk off?

Hen walked towards him and opened her arms "Just so you know Buckaroo, it's going to be difficult to get ridñ of me" she hugged him and Buck laughed

"Same here" he turned to look at Chim "I'm dating your sister, so you really don't have a choice" all of them laughed

Before he headed back down the stairs Bobby approached him "I know it's still not the same as before, but if you need anything..."

"I know" he said

That didn't go that bad he thought for himself once he was in the locker room, a little smile on his face. It faded off fast when he heard the locker room door being slammed. He turned around and in seconds he had Eddie pushing him into the wall.

"What the fuck Eddie?!"

"Were you going to tell me?" Buck could see he was angry

"Tell you what"

"That you're transferring to the 136" Oh, so that's what this was about. He twisted his head before answering

"Why would I?" He saw the anger in Eddie's eyes "I mean, I didn't think you would even care that I was leaving" his expression changed into one of confusion "You haven't spoken to me in almost a month. I'm doing the right thing".

"How is that the right thing?" Eddie's grip softened

"Look at us" Buck pointed between the two of them "This is the first time we have talked in a month. We aren't a team anymore, you and me"

To say that those words hurt Eddie was falling short. They burned in his chest.

Buck moved from the wall and went back to his locker, now facing Eddie with his back

Eddie looked down, it was all his fault. It was because of him that Buck was transferring. He didn't need anyone to tell him, he already knew. If he hadn't been such a jerk maybe things would be different.

Was he angry when Buck sued the department? Heck yeah. He was so angry he almost punched him when they met at the grocery store. He was angry at Buck for all the lawsuit thing, he was angry because he couldn't even speak to him, he was mad because Christopher kept asking about the younger one and Eddie couldn't tell him what happened. So yeah, he was mad at him. But he also was angry at himself. Why was he so mad at Buck when he couldn't even reach him? Why of all things the one that bothered him the most was that there were no more nights where Buck, Chris and him were having dinner and playing video games?

He couldn't understand it at first. It felt normal to be angry at his best friend, because what he did was to be angry at. But there was something more he couldn't quite get at first. He felt disappointed at one point, disappointed that Buck was no longer in their lives. It felt almost like- like when Shannon left. Eddie had that feeling of abandonment, but only that this time it was stronger than that. And that's when something clicked on his mind.

He loved him.

He loved Buck.

And there's where everything turned upside down for him. He wasn't really surprised about the fact that he was in love with a man, but being in love with his best friend? Well, that was something else. That changed everything.

Before he could even notice he had thrown a punch at the locker. Buck heard a loud noise and turned around to see Eddie bleeding. He rushed over to him.

"Eddie! Are you okay?"

Eddie raised his head and looked at Buck, who was looking at his hand. He didn't even notice he had punched the locker, and now he was bleeding.

"I..."

"It's okay" Buck lead him to sit on the bench "Let me just get the first aid kit"

Eddie sat there waiting for Buck to come back, still in shock for what just happened.

When Buck returned he kneeled down and took Eddie's hand to clean the blood. He could notice Eddie staring at him, but he was too focused on treating the injury.

Eddie felt like crying. After everything he had done Buck was still there, taking care of him without even have to ask for it. His eyes were focused on his hand being held by the younger man. It just felt so nice, so natural, like they were meant to hold each other's hands. And that was just another sign of how deeply he was in love with Buck, of how much he wanted him in his life.

Eddie actually forgave Buck the first time he apologized, but he couldn't let him know it. After realizing his feelings for his best friend he thought the best thing to do was to stay away from him. That way he would avoid Buck discovering his feelings and things getting awkward between the two of them. But having to stay away from him was killing Eddie. It killed him every time Buck tried to apologize and he had to act as if he didn't hear him, it killed him seeing his best friend walking around the station with his head down like an abandoned puppy. Buck was always the one to cheer up the party and knowing he was one of the reasons the younger one looked so sad killed him.

Buck was almost finished covering his hand with a bandage when Eddie whispered

"Don't go"

"What?" Buck left what he was doing and looked Eddie in the eye with a confused look.

"To the 136" it was still so low Buck almost didn't hear him.

"Eddie..."

"Please, just- just give me a couple of days to figure my shit out" his voice sounded shaky

"Okay" Buck nodded. He would agree to stay a million times if Eddie was the one asking.

[vintageneptune92]

In My Time of Dying- Chapter 2

So I’m not 100% sure how I feel about this chapter, but I need to get to some of the earlier stuff to set up the story. I hope you enjoy. As always I appreciate your re-blogs, comments, likes, etc. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged. This is an eventual OC x Castiel fic. There will be some OC x Charlie Bradbury as well. 

I suck at summaries! This is an original character story- Alianna Winchester, twin sister of Sam. It starts off right around when  Dean comes back from hell. Ali and Sam’s relationship has been fractured since he left for Stanford. She struggles to repair their relationship has they navigate the Apocalypse, her close relationship with Dean and beyond. Like Sam- She is special in a very different way. Truly the Ying to his Yang that causes a deep connection between Ali and Castiel.

Tag List:

@fandom-princess-forevermore​ @deans-baby-momma​ @magssteenkamp​ @blancastans​ @jn-wolf​

Story Master List

Supernatural Masterlist: Requests are always open

Now:

Things with Sam were strained. Ali wasn’t ready to forgive him for abandoning her and going on his own quest for revenge. While she understood Sam blames himself for Dean’s sacrifice, she had lost Dean too. Then, she had lost Sam and she was still grieving the loss of John, Sam should have been there with her. They should have been trying to move on together, not apart. 

Going back in time with Dean had shook her, she wasn’t over that either.When she had laid eyes on a young John Winchester she begged Cas to send her back. She was certain she’d blow their cover, but he denied her and asked her to trust him. How could she not? It annoyed Dean to no end how she just went along with whatever the Angel had to say. There was something inside of her that continually told her it was okay. When they came face to face with their huntress of a mother, Dean was certain he was going to have to peel Ali off the ground. 

Each Winchester child felt the loss of Mary Winchester, but for Ali it was different. It was Dean that helped her through getting her first period. One would expect Dean Winchester to balk at the responsibility, but he knew he couldn’t rely on John to get her through it. Dean had been the one to help her through her first heartbreak and the painstaking task of coming to terms with who she was. He had been the one to tell her that he loved her no matter who she wanted to be with. He had helped her tell Sam. Dean had been the one to get her through everything a mother would have, sometimes not so gracefully, but Ali knew he did the best he could.

Ali had been right about Ruby. She had gotten herself out of hell and gotten back to Sam. That was when Sam bolted on her and Bobby. She and Dean had watched Sam send demons back to hell with his psychic abilities. They were equally upset but for very different reasons.

“You know Ali, I expected more from you than Dean. Out of anyone I expected you to be accepting.” Ali sucked in her breath and spun around to face off with her brother.

“No, NO! You don’t get to say that to me.” She only came up to Sam’s shoulder but the rage burning in her eyes had Sam regretting confronting her. “You don’t get to play wounded Sammy right now. Look, I get it. You can exorcise the demon and save most of the vessels. I probably would do the same, but you have to ask at what cost to yourself? But that’s not why I’m pissed. No, I’m pissed because YOU LEFT ME ALONE! Again! You ran off to get your revenge with your demon skank and left me out of it. Left me in the dark. We’re supposed to stick together even when we’re apart! We’re supposed to be partners no matter what. And you just cut me off. You trusted HER more than ME! Don’t you think I could have helped you tell Dean if I knew? No, instead you’ve been lying to me for MONTHS Sam…Months. And you’ve been lying to Dean since he got back. That tells me one thing, you know what you’re doing is wrong. So instead of finding out from you…Cas tells us because you need to stop. If you don’t stop, the Angels will take you out. And if you hadn’t noticed…Uriel is a douche bag. Even if I can convince Cas to let it go, Uriel will not! He came back to specifically warn you again.” Sam looked down and shook his head at his sister. 

“Ali, you haven’t needed me for a long time. You made the choice to stay with Dean when I went to Stanford and then go back after the half assed apologies Dad fed you. I didn’t bring you along because between Dad and Dean you were a mess. It would have slowed me down.” Ali felt the sting of Sam’s words in her chest. She always felt like she was slowing them down, she never dreamed that Sam would agree. She could be ruthless when necessary. She was a hunter and a killer of monsters like her brothers. But loosing Dean was too much. 

“Fuck off Sam.” Ali spun back around and stalked away from Sam and slammed the motel door behind her. Dean had gone on a food run so that hopefully his siblings could repair their rift. He was pissed at Sam but he needed them operating on the same page. Lilith was breaking seals left and right, they needed to stop her.

Ali wrapped her arms around herself and walked the block from the motel to a little park that was empty. Sam did see her as weak. She had spent the majority of her life “manning up” for the sake of the fight. She would have done the same after Dean. The fact that Sam doubted her told her he didn’t know her as well as she thought he did. Maybe the twin bond of their childhood was truly broken. Ali sat down on the swing, gripping the chains and stared down at her feet.

“Hello Ali.” Castiel’s gritty voice made her jump.

“Jesus Cas. You really need to send a text first before you show, or wear a bell.” She held her hand to her heart as it slowly stopped pounding.

“Ali, are you alright?” He looked at her with concern.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She scoffed.

“I heard your argument with Sam. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I came to see you and overheard.” Ali didn’t say anything. “I know you think you’re weak, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Cas…I appreciate you trying. But compared to Sam and Dean...yes I am. The two of them can put their emotions aside to get the job done. Apparently I can’t.” 

“You misunderstand me. I’m not trying to placate you. You are valuable. You have no idea.” He wanted to say more, but couldn’t. “I know things have been difficult for you since Dean came back. I know I haven’t helped make it any easier. The trip to the past took a toll on you. I wish it hadn’t been necessary for you to be there but Dean is more careful when you’re around. I also appreciate your faith in me.” Ali cracked a small smile.

“Dean actually hates how easily I trust you. I’m just following my gut instinct. Uriel however, is a prick.”

“He is a bit overzealous. I’ll leave you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Can you stay? Just until Dean calls me when he’s back? I can’t be alone with Sam right now. We’ll just fight more, but I don’t want to be alone either.” Cas nodded his head and sat in silence with Ali, watching her with deep fascination as she disappeared into her own thoughts.

Then:

“Deaaaaaan c’mon! Let’s find something to do. I’m so bored and sick of looking at this room. Dad has been gone for 3 extra days.” Ali was begging for something to make the day pass.

“Al, we can’t. Dad will murder us...well me, if we leave the motel room. He gave very clear instructions. Whatever it is that he’s hunting has a thing for girls. And you blondie would be right on the list of its most wanted.” Ali flopped down on the bed in exasperation.

“I’m so sick of this life. I just want something normal. I want to have real friends. And go to parties and have a boyfriend. Maybe play a sport? I hate moving from town to town.” Ali rarely had a pity party, but today it was in full swing. John had taken Sam with him on the hunt and left Ali with Dean to keep her safe. 

Dean knew she was anxious that John and Sam had been gone so long. Her cries for a normal life weren’t so much about herself but about the Winchester men being safe. Dean laid down next to her.“Ali, I’m sure that they’re fine. You know how these things go. Sometimes the hunt gets away from you. Dad can only guess how long it will take. He has no clue. I know it’s been a few days since he checked in, but that probably means he’s close and is focused.”

“What is something happened? I mean really, we can say nothing would happen to Dad, but he isn’t invincible. Sam definitely isn’t. And he’s been so reckless lately because he’s so unhappy. What if they don’t come back?” Dean took a deep breath and collected his thoughts. He knew he had to give her a real answer to set her mind at ease. Ali needed a plan to calm her anxieties. She had always been this way. As long as she had a game plan, there wasn’t much she wouldn’t take on.

“Then we would go to Bobby’s. We’d live there while you finished High School. Then we would decide what to do from there.”

“You would stay with me? You wouldn’t drop me off and then go off on your own?”

“Never. I will never just leave you like that. We’re a team. You, me and Sam. We stick together. And if something happened to Sam...then it’s you and me. I ain’t ever going to up and leave you like that. We stick together. Always.”

John and Sam had returned that night. Both were exhausted and John beaten up, but they were together again. True to his word, Dean never left her side until the day he was dragged off to Hell. Ali would gave thought Sam would have been the one to stick by her so loyally. She knew that things changed between the two of them the day she chose to stay behind with Dean and not follow Sam to California. Maybe it was unconscious, maybe it wasn't, but Sam never put her first again after that day.

Now:

Ali had gripped Dean’s arm just in time to be transported with him to wherever they were keeping Alastair. Ali looked through the small window on the door and saw Alastair chained up. Cas walked up to Ali and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“This devil's trap is old Enochian. He's bound completely.” Ali looked to Cas and studied his face. Her concern was matched by his. Dean was barely dealing with what he did in Hell. They couldn’t ask him to do this. It wasn’t right. She felt Cas’ fingers squeeze her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. She had to give him credit for picking up on the social cues.

“Well that’s fascinating. Where’s the door?”. Dean turns away from the door.

“Where are you going?” Castiel’s question rang out as he grabbed Ali’s arm and pulled her with him. 

“To hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much.“ Dean and Ali we’re stopped by Uriel as he stood in their way.

“Angels are dying, boy.” Ali scoffed and before she could respond, Dean did.

“Everybody's dying these days. And hey, I get it. You're all-powerful. You can make me do whatever you want. But you can't make me do this.” Ali squeezed Dean’s hand to reassure him. She knew how unsettled this was making him. Castiel was next to speak. 

“This is too much to ask, I...I know. But we have to ask it. Dean and Ali studies Castiel for a moment and then turned back to Uriel. 

“We want to talk to Cas... alone.” Uriel looked Dean and Ali up and down and smirked.

“I think I'll go seek revelation. We might have some further orders. But there had better not be any interference by you, Alianna.” Uriel tried to intimidate Ali, but she stood her ground.

Dean rolled his eyes at Uriel’s attempt. “Well, get some donuts while you're out.” Uriel let out a laugh. 

“Ah, this one just won't quit, will he? I think I'm starting to like you, boy.” Ali wandered back over to the glass window and stared at Alistair. Ali would love nothing more than to rip him apart herself. The demon that hurt her brother, her protector, so badly. She considered what Cas had said to her about being powerful and valuable. She wished she knew what he meant. He hadn’t offered any more insight. She felt anything but powerful. She felt weak and helpless. Dean’s voice pulled her out of her own thoughts.

”What's going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?” Ali had her arms wrapped around her body. She felt cold, but she was sure it wasn’t from the temperature.

Castiel cleared his throat before speaking. “My superiors have begun to question my sympathies.“ 

Ali and Dean gave each other a look. ”Your sympathies?”

”I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You and Ali. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment.” Ali cocked her head to the right and considered what Cas was saying. Cas must have fought against this, risking himself for them.

”Well, tell Uriel, or whoever...you do not want me doing this, trust me.” Cas shook his head.

“Want it, no. But I have been told we need it.”

“You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.”  Castiel sighed. He looked exhausted.

“For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.” Ali stepped foreword.

“Dean...this won’t be like hell. I’ll be right out here the entire time. I’ll be here to pull you back.” Dean stared at Ali, a little surprised she was okay with him doing it. “Dean...I believe in you. I believe you are so much better than you think you are. You are a good man. The very best that I’ve ever known. You’ve taken care of me for my entire life. If this could possibly help us, I don’t know, stop the seals from being opened, then we’ll find a way to put you back together again. I promise. I will stand by you no matter what.” Dean took a deep breath and exhaled. He kissed Ali on her forehead and turned towards the door. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Cas was sitting next to Ali as they waited and listened. Ali felt like she was going to throw up. She was hoping Dean could get them somewhere. Closer to finding Lilith and stopping her. Maybe if the two of them could do that, Sam would stop whatever it was he was doing with Ruby. Sam was more lost than ever. She felt like she was sacrificing Dean to save Sam, but she meant what she said to him. Dean was the very best man she had ever known. If anyone could pull through it was him. 

She and Cas heard Alistair scream. Ali closed her eyes and clenched her jaw and grabbed for Cas’ hand. Cas stared at her wide eyed for a moment. He wasn’t used to physical contact or such strong emotions. Ali felt everything, deeply. She loved her brother and was feeling his pain at the moment. Cas was torn between telling her why she felt things this way and his orders. He was under strict instructions to tell her nothing. She was reaching out to him, the one who was putting her beloved brother through this, for comfort. He could at least give it to her.

He laced his fingers through hers. Her eyes snapped open and she studied his face. It surprised her to say the least. He tended to pull away when she showed strong emotions. He didn’t understand them and didn’t know how to respond. His face was filled with concern, that was unexpected.

“I’m sorry Alianna....for my part in this. I know you’re worried. And I know how important Dean is to you. I promise if this wasn't completely necessary I would have fought against it. Even still, I tried.” She offered Cas a sad smile.

“Don’t apologize. I encouraged him. I just want this to be over so I can get him out of here. Thank you for letting me be here and staying with me. Thank you for caring  I know you don't understand human emotion, but Cas, you've shown more compassion than most people I've met. I appreciate that. And I appreciate how much you care about my brother...and me.” Before Cas could respond they heard more groans and screams from Alastair.

Castiel was confused at how her words had impacted him. She and Dean were important to him. He didn't understand what was happening and what was changing within him. Suddenly, the lights started flickering and Ali and Cas moved apart as the bulb exploded and Anna appeared behind Castiel.

"Anna." Castiel was cordial, but his greeting was still strained. Anna gave Ali a small smile.

"Hello Castiel" As Cas turned to face Anna he was overcome by shock at her appearance.

"Your human  body-" Anna interrupted him before he could finish.

"It was destroyed, I know. But I guess I'm sentimental." 

"You shouldn't be here Anna. We still have orders to kill you." Ali let out a sigh of frustration. She had no interest in listening to Angel politics. Alastair's screams grew louder. Ali held her face in her hands. She just wanted this to be over. She wanted their lives back. She longed for the days that a rogue Wendigo was the worst thing they had to worry about. 

Her interest was piqued back to the Angels when she heard Anna question if torturing was God's work. Ali's face scrunched in confusion when Anna mentioned ruining the one real weapon they had. Was Dean a weapon to them? Even with how Cas had been, were they really just pawns to him in the end? Ali stood and started pacing, her mind running in circles. Castiel was still towing the company line while Anna refused to believe that torture and violence was God's will. Ali started really listening again.

"The father you love. You think he wants this? You think he'd ask this of you? You think this is righteous?" Anna was angry almost, and Cas wouldn't look at her. "What you're feeling, it's called doubt!" Ali could understand why this was so hard for Cas. She knew what it was like to doubt your own father, it was a horrible feeling, but there comes a point in time where you have to think for yourself.  

Ali felt her stomach churn at another round of screams from Alastair. "These orders are wrong and you know it. But you can do the right thing. You're afraid, Cas. I was too. But together, we can still..." Anna was holding Cas' hand while she spoke. Ali watched as he yanked his hand from her's. 

"I am NOTHING like you. You FELL. Go." Anna tried to get him to listen to her further, but he wouldn't and as quickly as she was there, she was gone. Ali considered what Anna had said for a moment and then steeled herself to look in on Dean and what Alastair's condition was, but she was shocked at what she saw. "Oh my God...CAS!!" her voice came out in anguish. 

Alastair was out of the Enochian trap and was attacking Dean. Wide eyed, Cas quickly went to Dean's aid, in a blink of her eye, Cas was standing behind Alastair with Ruby's knife. She watched as Alastair dropped her brother to go after Cas. She covered her mouth in horror as the knife barely made a dent into Alastair and rushed into the room to check on Dean as Alastair and Cas continued to fight.

"Dean...Dean! Please wake up." She cried. She never should have pushed him to do this. She should have made Cas bring them back to Sam after Uriel left. Hot tears fell down her cheeks. She looked up when she heard Alastair chanting and cried out for Cas as his eyes and mouth started to glow blue and then suddenly Alastair stopped. Her horror continued as she laid eyes on Sam, with his one hand raised as he flung Alastair to the wall. She watched as Cas slid to the ground, but she didn't dare leave Dean's side, who was still unconscious. Her shock continued as she witnessed how powerful Sam had become.  Sam glanced over at Ali and Dean before he started his interrogation.

"Who is murdering the Angels? How are they doing it?" His voice was demanding. Alastair tried to resist Sam, but with a simple twist of his hand, Alastair's eyes had gone white and he was choking. "HOW ARE THE DEMONS KILLING ANGELS?" For the first time in her life, Ali was terrified of her brother. She had never seen him so angry or so dangerous. 

"I don't know!" Alastair cried. "It's not us. We're not doing it!" Sam scoffed at the Demon.  "Lilith is not behind this. She wouldn't kill 7 angels. She'd kill a hundred, or a thousand. Oh go ahead, send me back if you can." Alastair stupidly challenged her brother. Sam more than accepted his challenge and Ali watched as the life drained out of Alastair's body.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Not long after Sam had killed Alastair, Ali found herself sitting by Dean's bedside in a local hospital. She had no idea what lies Sam had told the staff, but she was sure it was a good one. Dean was bandaged up, with a tube helping him  breath and an IV drip. She knew Sam was blaming Cas and trying to force him to heal Dean. Ali blamed herself too. She told Sam it was just as much her fault as it was Cas & Uriel's fault, but he wouldn't hear any of it. 

Ali held onto Dean's hand, willing him to wake up. Desperately wanting him to open his eyes and make some stupid remark or disgusting joke to her. She wanted him to tell her he forgave her for pushing him. She jumped when she felt Sam's hand on her shoulder. She no longer saw the ruthless killer that had ended Alastair, but her sweet brother who was filled with compassion. 

"He'll be okay Ali. I promise he'll be okay."

"Will he? Because he's going to lose his mind when he finds out what happened. Sammy...how did you do that? How were you able to not exorcise Alastair...but actually kill him?!" 

There was a shrillness in her voice. The tone came out when she was in full panic mode.Sam didn't know how to tell her. He didn't want to tell her. He didn't want to see the look of disappointment and disgust in her eyes.

"We'll talk about it later."  Ali didn't argue with him. She didn't want to fight with him anymore. She just wanted things to go back to normal, or to whatever was normal for the Winchester children. 

"Sam?" 

"Yeah Al?"

"I just want you to know that I forgive you...for everything. It was hard for both of us, Dean being gone. We didn't handle it gracefully. I don't want to fight with you. We have a big enough fight coming our way, we don't need to be fighting each other too."  Sam sat down next to Ali and took her free hand in his and the two waited for their big brother to wake up.

[takerfoxx]

IM Swiftly Descending Darkness, Chapter 9

With a clean heart and a resolute mind, Brother Nathaniel Skinner stepped up to the pulpit.

The Brotherhood of the First Gensokyo Baptist Fellowship met in a small, plain room in the back of Nathaniel’s house. With only six pews facing a small raised platform and a small wooden crucifix adorned with a wreath of ivy hanging from the wall, it was certainly a humble sanctuary for the few faithful of Gensokyo, which, all told, numbered only twenty-four.

Six of them, specifically Nathaniel himself, Andrew Shuemaker, Betsy Caulfield, Bobby Forester, Dorothy Forester, and Eddie Orozco, were from that fateful bus ride that had first stolen him away from their home, the others having either left the Human Village, perished, or wanting nothing to do with them. The rest were native Gensokyians, local Japs that had been wise enough to see their home country for the cesspool of spiritual disease that it was. when Nathaniel had first been stranded here, he had been convinced that none of the locals were even capable of salvation, that their families had been wallowing in sinful practices and demonic energies for so long that their hearts would be repulsed by the mere idea of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

In this, he had been proven wrong, and for which he was thankful. As Joshua Stump, the man who had once been his brother, had demonstrated, Nathaniel could trust not even good American Christians to properly keep the faith. And in was good to know that even in the Devil’s own country, the Light of God could still shine through.

Nathaniel took a deep breath, and then said, “My brothers and sisters, we are the Chosen Few.”

“We are the Chosen Few,” his congregation parroted back at him.

“We are the Light in the Darkness.”

“We are the Light in the Darkness.”

“We are the Army of Christ.”

“We are the Army of Christ. Amen.”

Nathaniel bowed his head in silence. Then he threw it back and called to the Heavens. “Oh Lord, have mercy upon me, a sinner! And thank You for reminding me of our true mission, which, in my zealousness to stand fast against the wiles of Satan, I had forgotten!”

…

The previous night…

At last.

I can feel it. Even in my place of imprisonment, even in my place of torment, I can feel it.

Can you feel it, my little lost servant? Can you hear them, my wandering prodigal? Though you have closed your heart and mind to me, you cannot hide forever. You carry a piece of me with you, and He will not take it from you.

For even in your rebellion, I have found others, I have chosen others. And you will help them. Even if you continue to resist my call, you will do this. You will seek out the children, and guide them into my darkness.

You will do this.

I have commanded it.

Nathaniel Skinner woke up in a cold sweat.

He was in the dark, still in the cold black, and he couldn’t move. The chains held him still, keeping him prisoner, damned for all time for his sins, his sins of…

…of…

Nathaniel blinked. No, wait, the darkness was impenetrable. Above him he could see…the roof. The roof of his house. He wasn’t in the cold, black pit, he was at home, in bed.

As for his restraints, his nocturnal thrashings had simply rolled the covers into a tight cocoon. Again.

Nathaniel hastily loosed the covers and tossed them off. Now lying naked on sweat-soaked sheets, he slowly breathed out and closed his eyes. The dreams were happening again. The visions once more called to him, all the way from the place of damnation. And his hand…

He flexed the fingers of his right hand, or at least gave the command to. But nothing happened. His brain registered no response.

Nathaniel’s head fell to the right. In the dark, he could see the silhouette of his right arm stretching out across the bed, his fingers curled into a fist. He relaxed them, letting them fall open, and again squeezed them tight.

Though he saw his hand obeying his every instruction, he still felt nothing.

His left hand swept across his body to slam into his right palm. Nothing. Sitting up, he struck again and again, pounding the cold hand. When that didn’t work, he shoved it into his mouth and bit down, trying to evoke some kind of feeling, some kind of pain.

He still felt nothing.

And then it happened.

Nathaniel.

Nathaniel Skinner froze. No. No, no, no. Not again.

Give in.

Not now, now again! He had shut the Dark Voice down years ago! For nearly two years he had resisted its whispers, blocking them from his mind, until they had finally ceased! He had kept careful control, making sure to never allow it to once again awake, making sure that his corrupted hand was well cared for!

But now it was back. The Dark Voice was back.

Give in.

It never said much more than that. Just his name, and the call to give in, to surrender his will. He needn’t ask what it wanted him to give in to. It wanted him to stop fighting, to let it claim his body as its vessel. It had gotten a small piece of itself inside of him, but it needed his consent to pour in the rest, consent he had always refused to give.

Give in.

Trembling, Nathaniel lay back. There was no doubt about it. It was happening again. Fortunately, this time he knew who to blame.

Then, as he lay there in the dark, thoughts racing and heart pounding, he was startled by a loud and sudden sound.

Knocking.

Someone was knocking at his front door.

…

Mai didn’t awake to the knocking. Making a mental note to have her chastised, Nathaniel rose from his bed and hastily dressed himself. Doing so without washing himself made him feel disgusting, but it was only a temporary thing.

The knocking continued. There was no time to bathe his hand, so Skinner had to wrap it up as is. Again he felt nothing, which made his insides squirm. The pain after thoroughly cleaning his diseased hand in hot water might bring tears to his eyes, but it was preferable to the cold nothing he felt now.

Finally he was at least presentable. Nathaniel left his room to confront whoever it was that was foolish enough to wake him at this hour.

Mai was finally up and just reaching the door, which irked him. In the time it had taken him to dress himself, she ought to have already answered, seen who it was, and be on her way to rouse him.

“Move,” he said hoarsely.

She drew back in surprise. “Master Skinner! Forgive me, I-”

“I said move!” He shouldered his way past her and slid the front door open.

Standing outside were several members of his fellowship, specifically Seiya Kirisame, his son Rito Kirisame, Andrew Shuemaker, Bobby Forester, and Satoshi Yuuki. That wasn’t good. The five of them had been sent to deliver Gendou’s message to the orphanage, so having them come to him meant that something had gone horribly wrong.

As soon as Brother Seiya saw that it was him that had answered the door instead of Mai, his sweaty face went pale. “B-Brother Nathaniel!” He bowed his head. “Apologies for disturbing you at this hour, but-”

“Brother Seiya,” Nathaniel said icily. “Well, yes. Apologies would be in order. I hope this is important.”

“It is! We were just at the orphanage, and-”

Nathaniel felt blood rush to his head, and it took a considerable amount of will not to backhand Seiya across the face. “Stop!” he hissed.

Seiya stiffened, but he obeyed.

Control, control. Think about this. Nathaniel closed his eyes and mentally pushed back against the geyser of rage he felt rising. Jesus, grant me Your strength. He was already sweaty from his rude awakening, and this was causing fresh beads to start trickling down his forehead.

“The orphanage,” he said. “You were at the orphanage?”

“Yes!”

“Doing what?”

“I…” Seiya looked utterly gobsmacked. “Delivering the message, of course! From the Leader!”

“The Leader,” Nathaniel repeated. “You mean, you were sent by Master Gendou Sonozika?”

The five of them stared blankly at him. Why? they were wondering. Why would they ask something that he already knew the answer to? After all, Nathaniel had been in the room when Gendou had sent them off. He had relayed part of their instructions, after all.

But there was a reason why they had been given their instructions in private! As such, now that something had apparently gone wrong, Nathaniel wasn’t happy about them banging on his front door in the dead of night for everything to see.

“Y-Yes,” Seiya said after a bit.

“Then why come to me?” Nathaniel said. “If something went wrong, shouldn’t you be taking this information to Master Sonozika?”

“I…” Seiya continued to gawk, his mouth opening and closing like a suffocating fish.

Then Rito, ever the pragmatist, nudged Seiya from behind. “Of course, Brother Nathaniel,” he said smoothly. “We will go report to the Leader at once. Our apologies for disturbing you with a matter that is none of your business.”

Nathaniel relaxed a bit. Rito had again proven himself smarter than his elder. Nathaniel really ought to start entrusting him instead of his idiotic father with errands of a sensitive nature.

“Not at all,” Nathaniel said. He made a point to give a long and obvious look toward the nearby back alley. “I apologize if I have been short with you. God go with you, gentlemen. And good night.”

He shut the door and waited until he heard the group’s footsteps recede. When he was sure that their trajectory was taking them the right way, he hurried through his house, toward the side door.

There were two ways to get to the Sonozika estate from Nathaniel’s house. The first was to take the long way through the main streets, which would take you all the way around the block, while the second was to cut straight across the alley between Nathaniel’s house and his neighbor’s. And from the sound of things, they were heading for the alley.

He waited by the side door, listening as their footsteps drew near. When they were loud enough, he swiftly opened the door, reached out with his left hand to seize Seiya by the lapels of his robe, and yanked him inside before the man could cry out in surprise.

“Go home, gentlemen. Go home and speak of any of this to no one,” Nathaniel said briskly to the other four and shut the door.

Seiya was reflexively struggling, so Nathaniel shoved his left hand over the squat man’s mouth, leaned over so that they were face-to-face, and whispered, “Do not cry out. Speak only in whispers. Do you understand?”

His eyes wide with fear, Seiya nodded.

“Good.”

That done, Nathaniel all but dragged Seiya to a small side-room where he knew they would have some measure of privacy. Tossing Seiya in with one hand, Nathaniel stepped inside and slammed the door shut.

“What is wrong with you?” Nathaniel hissed. “Banging on my door in the dead of the night and babbling like an idiot. Everyone could hear you!”

Seiya was not a brave man. He reminded Nathaniel of Gendou in that way, someone full of bluster and indignation that would crumble at the slightest pushback.

“Forgive me!” Seiya blubbered. “I didn’t mean-”

Nathaniel gripped Seiya’s cheeks with one hand, his right hand. “Stop. Quiet down.” He squeezed ever so slightly. “And tell me what happened. Slowly.”

He released the squat man’s face. Seiya stumbled back, clutching at his jowls. “I…I…”

“Now,” Nathaniel said.

The fear in Seiya’s eyes was apparent. He lowered his hand, and when he did, Nathaniel frowned. Was it his imagination, or was there a pair of faint black spots, one on each of his cheeks, where Nathaniel’s fingers had dug into the flesh?

“We went…” Seiya swallowed. “We went to the orphanage. The others, and I, like we were instructed! To deliver Master Sonozika’s message, about how they were no longer welcome at-”

“I remember,” Nathaniel said.

“Right! But when we got there, they were all outside. The children, their guardians, all of them!”

“And?”

“And…they were having a funeral!”

“A funeral,” Nathaniel repeated. “Whose?”

“One of the children. One of the orphans had died.”

“So what?”

“No, you don’t understand! She didn’t just get sick or fall off the roof! She had been killed! By youkai!”

Nathaniel shrugged. “Tragic. But why does that have you so upset? They live in a dangerous place. Distant relation, perhaps?”

Seiya shook his head. “No. It was-” He cut himself off, and fearfully looked around at the dimly lit room, as if spies were lurking in the shadows.

“It was whom?” Nathaniel prodded.

“It was the spiders!” Seiya said in a hissing whisper. “The same ones! They apparently attacked the house, took several of the children, and killed one before the others were rescued!”

“The spid…” Nathaniel’s blood ran as cold as his right hand. He finally understood, and the realization clenched the muscles in his chest, leaving him short of breath.

“Yes!” Seiya said with a frenzied nod.

Choosing his words carefully, Nathaniel lowered his own voice and said, “The same ones?”

“Yes!”

“How? I mean, why? They had clear instructions!”

“I don’t know!” Seiya said, somehow managing to both wail and whisper at the same time. “But they did!”

Nathaniel gritted his teeth. “They attacked early then.”

“Yes! Far too early!”

The icy cold fear that swam through Nathaniel’s veins was starting to thaw, as his rising anger began to bring things to a boil. “They accepted the job. They took our money.”

“Yes! Absolutely! And we were perfectly clear our demands!”

“We told them when to move,” Nathaniel muttered, his hands curling into fists. “We told them how, and against who. We even paved the way for them, and they ignored it all!”

Nathaniel felt the furnace in his heart grow hotter and hotter, blurring his vision with steam and causing the room to tilt. It was like standing on the deck of a ship in a turbulent sea, with everything swaying this way and that.

Damn them. Damn those wretched youkai! So little had been asked of them! All he had requested is that they act according to their godless nature, but save it for the appropriate time and against the appropriate person, but they couldn’t even manage that!

The smoke covering his eyes cleared just enough to frame Seiya’s face. The other man was nodding vigorously and making noises of agreement, as if he and Nathaniel were equal victims. How wrong he was. Seiya had been the go-between. Seiya had been the one to enter the Youkai Forest and beseech the spider clan to take their contract. He had been the one to explain the details.

He had to have fouled things up. Maybe he hadn’t explained things correctly. Maybe, in his squealing, cowardly manner, he had forgotten the important parts. Something had gone wrong, and in such cases, the messenger must be blamed.

Despite most of the room being rendered in cloudy shapes, Seiya’s fleshy neck was crystal clear, every fold standing out in stark relief. Nathaniel stared at it, wondering how it would feel with his hand clenched around it, his fingers digging through fat and flesh to close around the windpipe.

Give in.

It would be so easy. Just a small squeeze, and it would crumple like paper, and Nathaniel wouldn’t have to suffer Seiya Kirisame’s squeaking any longer. He thought of those black smudges his fingers had left on Seiya’s cheeks. He imagined Seiya’s entire neck covered with black, withering the fat and sinking in deep to smother him.

Give in.

(“Nathan, are you feeling angry again?”)

Nathaniel started a bit. He was used to the Dark Voice, whispering to him from the back of his head, urging him toward violence. But that gentle, admonishing tone came from someplace else, someplace buried…deep…

(Church was over. The sermon had finished, the final hymn sang, and the concluding prayer sent up to God. Now everyone was milling about, some leaving immediately, others helping clean up, others standing around and talking. Fellowship, Reverend DuBois called it.

Not Nathaniel Skinner, though. Nobody ever talked to him. Some would try, but they would soon find reason to excuse themselves. Nathaniel knew why. He held himself to higher standards than anyone else, standards that few were strong enough to attempt.

And that was the problem.

He was standing by himself, his sky-blue eyes staring with hawklike intensity across the room. There, the Hendersons were leaving, replacing the hymnals and gathering their things.

The Hendersons were…decent, he supposed, but were weak at heart, and that was demonstrated by their sorry excuse for a son. The boy was fourteen, and completely without respect. He had been slouching all service, not joining in the singing of the hymns, not paying attention to the sermon, not even bothering to close his eyes and bow his head during prayer. He had just slouched their the whole time, legs propped up on the back of the pew in front of him, beady little eyes sullen.

How dare he?

But as he had stood there glowering, someone had sidled up to him, one of the few members of the congregation that still spoke to him. It was Joshua Stump, the dark-skinned Jew, the former addict. At first all of those had repulsed Nathaniel, like someone might be repulsed by an odious stench. But there was something about Joshua that led Nathaniel to at first tolerate, and eventually kind of appreciate. Joshua saw the good in people, and as misguided as he could be at times, it was an admirable trait.

And he somehow always knew when Nathaniel’s heart and mind were starting to boil over, when the screaming was about ready to start.

“Nathan,” Joshua repeated. “You’re getting angry, aren’t you?”

Nathaniel didn’t respond. He just continued to stare.

Joshua laid a hand on Nathaniel’s arm. “Don’t do it, Nathan. Don’t.”)

“Brother Nathaniel?”

Nathaniel looked down. Seiya had laid a hand on his forearm. Even through the sleeve and the bandage, his fingers felt like hot iron.

“Do not touch me!” Nathaniel cried as he wrenched his arm away.

Seiya recoiled. “I’m sorry, I-”

Shaking with barely restrained rage, Nathaniel leaned over so that he was nearly nose-to-nose with the smaller man. “Do not ever, ever lay hands on me again. Ever. Understand?”

“Yes, Brother Nathaniel! Forgive me!”

“Get out.”

Seiya opened his mouth, maybe to argue, but he saw the look in Nathaniel’s eyes, and quickly hurried away. Nathaniel was about to let him, but then some small part of rationality surfaced.

“Wait.”

Seiya froze by the door.

“The spiders. Did they say what happened to the spiders?”

Gulping, Seiya turned back toward him and said, “J-Just that they killed them.”

Nathaniel stared. “Killed them. People kill youkai all the time. It doesn’t stick.”

“That’s all that they said! That they, uh, dealt with the with extreme prejudice!”

The wheels in Nathaniel’s head started turning. When that happened, the cloud of rage started to get pumped out, and the channels of his brain were cleared. If they had simply exterminated the spiders when they found them and ran off with the children, then that might be a problem. The spiders would simply return, hungry for revenge, and would go rogue. And the longer they were in contention with the orphanage, the morel likely that secrets would spill.

On the other hand, it was entirely possible that they had been dealt with permanently. That wouldn’t be so bad. The fewer loose ends lying around, the better, and the world was better off without them anyway. Though it was unlikely that those heathens actually had the means to permanently destroy a youkai on hand. The methods capable of pulling that off were both rare and difficult to pull off.

(It was the dead of night, with the moon shining brightly overhead. Nathaniel stood in knee-high grass, staring off at the hills. Though he couldn’t see it where he was, just beyond that hill was fence that encompassed the orphanage grounds.

He breathed in and out. It was time.

Opening the heavy book in his hand, he flipped to the tagged page, the one that detailed the ritual necessary to pull off the overload spell. The steps were both complicated and precise, which is why he had practiced them over and over until he had gotten them right.

It had taken time, but he felt that he finally got the spell down. He just needed the proper regents in order to do it for real.

He now had them.

One was a weatherworn paper charm, plucked right off a fence post. It was designed to repel youkai and their various supernatural cousins, so he had been able to walk right up to the fence and take it off without anyone noticing.

The second was sitting on a nearby flat stone.

There were five of them, three fairies and two youkai. They had been all tied together in a circle, back-to-back, their arms bound behind their backs, their legs roped together, and their mouths gagged, their terrified eyes staring at him with mute pleas.

They were right to be afraid.

It frankly galled Nathaniel to have to resort to such blasphemous means, to consort with the same magic he was working to destroy. But the Lord did often employ imperfect instruments. He had delivered his warning to King Saul through the witch of Endor, hadn’t he? This was no different.

Though he read the words, he was already mumbling them out loud, reciting them from memory. As he did so, he turned toward his bound captives. Though they were already struggling and whimpering, they froze when they saw the silver blade he drew from its pouch, the blade and the runes inscribed on the hilt. They knew what it was for.

Yes. It was time.)

But it was unlikely that they had anything like that at their disposal, much less anything that could be used in something as chaotic as a fight.

Then there was the worst-case scenario, that before eliminating those wretched bugs, they had time to question them, to interrogate them. Nathaniel had been careful to not personally involve himself with any dealings, but there was always a trail.

Then Nathaniel was struck by a thought. “Who told you this?” he said. “Was it Satoko Yume?”

Seiya inhaled sharply. “Oh, that’s right! I mean, no. No, it wasn’t. It was that woman, the one who insulted both you and Master Sonozika!”

“That woman? You mean, the cook?”

“Yes! She threatened us too. And she…she…” Seiya pressed a trembling hand to his forehead. “She breathed fire at us! Just…spat it at our feet!”

“Breathed…fire?” Nathaniel said skeptically. “You mean, like that trick where you inhale a torch, and…”

“No! She just opened her mouth and a jet of flame came out! I almost had my toes burned off!”

Now that was interesting. “Tell me: given how everyone here seems to have some kind of…occultic ability or another, is the ability to breathe forth flames something that’s known to happen?”

“I…guess?” Seiya shrugged. “I mean, my cousin can spit sugar. But I can’t say I ever heard of anyone able to do something like this.”

Hmmm.

Nathaniel inhaled deeply and exhaled. “Brother Seiya, I have been unduly harsh to you. That was unchristianlike of me. I apologize.”

Seiya blinked in surprise. “Ah, oh, um, not at all! I understand. But what are we going to do?”

“Give me time to think,” Nathaniel said as he slid the door open for Seiya. “But whatever it is, we must act quickly. Tell no one of this.”

“Of course,” Seiya said. “Of course.”

Nathaniel stood still and listened as the man departed. Seiya’s footsteps were fast and heavy, thumping loudly through the house until he had rushed out the side door, slamming it as he left.

Even after the man was gone, Nathaniel continued to stand as still as a statue, eyes staring at the far wall.

Think. He had to think. Now was not to time to lose control. Now was the time to keep and clear mind and approach things rationally.

“Lord Jesus, grant me your wisdom,” he whispered. “Give me your strength. Help me see through the lies of the enemy.”

Unfortunately, if Jesus had an audible answer for him, he couldn’t hear it, because another voice was already speaking, drowning any other messages out.

Give in.

…

“It is far too easy, I believe,” Nathaniel continued, “in our battle against the wiles of the Devil, to forget why we fight. Just as our Lord Christ was not sent to this world to condemn it, but to save it, we too our sent into the world not leave the wicked and sinful to wallow in their own corruption, but to try to lift them out, to bring them to the Light.”

He looked around the room, at all the rapt gazes. Some were nodding in agreement, others had their eyes closed in prayer, others seemed a little confused. After all, this sort of altruism wasn’t the norm for one of Nathaniel’s sermons. That was all right though. Nathaniel had something of a gift for persuading others to see his point of view.

“We all know that Gensokyo is a wicked country,” he said. “Unlike the Outside World, where devils hide in the shadows and work their evil through subtle means, here they walk openly without fear, and we Humans, who were made in God’s own image, have little defense against their wiles. And those who have forsaken the fellowship of their fellow Humans to dwell out among the devils often become little better than devils themselves. The Lord commands us to set ourselves apart from those who have invited sin into their hearts, lest we become corrupted as well.”

At this, there were more nods, but also more frowns. That was also to be expected. Even though they had been shown the light, the truth still stung.

“But just as we have been commanded to set ourselves apart, we are also called upon to be a Light in the Darkness, to try to draw those who might want to escape damnation and cleanse themselves.

“I speak, of course, of that dwelling place of sin that calls itself the Aoki Yume’s Children’s Home! It is they that gather the fatherless children of those families who have suffered the rightful consequences of their impiety. It is they that, rather than leading those little lost lambs onto the path of righteousness, instead drive them further toward the arms of Satan.”

“Now, in the past I have counseled that if they are going to close their hearts and minds to the Gospel of Jesus, than we ought to close ourselves to them as well, to keep them from corrupting those who might seek the Lord’s salvation. But today the Lord spoke to me, chastising me for my lack of compassion. After all, though those who run that place are surely damned for their blasphemies, is it not our responsibility to reach out to those poor children, to show them another way?”

“Earlier this week, a group of youkai from the Youkai Forest attacked the orphanage. And one of the children was killed.

 ...

That morning...

At a little past eight, Nathaniel Skinner left his house.

Unlike the night before, he was now rested, bathed, and fully clothed. His hat was straight, his coat unwrinkled, his hands tightly bound and gloved, and not a whisker was out of place.

As he walked, he took note of how the people he passed reacted to them. Some of them, those loyal to humanity and recognized that same loyalty in him, smiled and greeted him warmly. Those of lesser resolve merely politely bowed their heads in passing. Others didn’t acknowledge him at all, and a few even turned their heads away in disgust.

That was to be expected. Those who stood stalwart in the light would of course repulse those who dwelt in darkness. But he wasn’t interested in that. Rather, he was searching for some sign that any of them had noticed Seiya’s idiocy the night before.

Ignoring the immediate reactions of those who passed him in the street, he instead focused on those further away, the ones close enough to see him but not enough to come in direct contact. Though he did not make any indication that he was looking at them, he still studied their faces through the thick, dark glass of his spectacles.

His lip twitched. They were shooting him sidelong glances. They were whispering to one another. Even through dark lenses, he could see the unease on their faces.

Idiot. Though it had served a diplomatic purpose, he was regretting apologizing to Seiya Kirisame. Now he was wishing he had thrown the loudmouthed fool through a wall.

Keeping his visage straight ahead, Nathaniel quickened his pace.

When he arrived at the Sonozika estate, the elderly serving man bowed respectfully. “Welcome, Master Skinner,” he said. “You are expected. This way please.”

As was often the case, Gendou Sonozika was a mess of anxieties. He was pacing back and forth, hands clasped behind his back, his forehead shiny with sweat.

“Ah, Brother Nathaniel!” he said, brightening as soon as Nathaniel entered the room. “Thank you for coming.”

“Not at all,” Nathaniel said. “I assume you’ve heard.”

Gendou nodded. “Yes. A youkai attack. A dead child. Terrible business, just terrible.”

“Horrible. Just goes to show the dangers of trusting youkai.” Nathaniel sadly shook his head. “We tried to warn them, Gendou. We tried to warn them.”

“You think that they were friends with these youkai then?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me. Have you found what I asked for?”

“Yes, yes! Come with me!”

Gendou led Nathaniel to the courtyard out back. The Sonozika resident was a large, U-shaped building, with a lively garden growing between the two arms. The two men went was at the end of one of the arms. There, a slanted door had been opened in the ground, with steps leading to a room beneath the house.

Gendou lit a lantern and handed it to Nathaniel. As Nathaniel peered down into the dark, his stomach twisted.

He didn’t like to go down into dark places. He didn’t like it at all.

“I went through all of my family’s records,” Gendou said, not noticing Nathaniel’s discomfort. “And I arranged everything I could find into two piles. One for the Youkai Forest, and the other for…”

“The woman,” Nathaniel said, keeping his unease from his voice. “Thank you.”

Holding the lantern in one hand, Nathaniel descended into the dark.

Almost as if it were galvanized by the dark and the deep, the Dark Voice suddenly came to life. Give in, it told him, its tones sweet and seductive as always. Nathaniel. Give in.

Though it said little more than that, the meaning was clear. If Nathaniel were to let it in, to give it what it wanted, than all of the knowledge he desired would be his, with no need to sift through dusty old tomes in order to find it.

Nathaniel ignored it. He focused on the sound of the wooden steps creaking under his heavy boots. The more attention that he paid to the Dark Voice, the more power it had.

Unfortunately, though the message of the Dark Voice stayed the same, there were other voices, voice of his own weak, mortal soul, voices that longed to surrender to temptation.

You seek after lesser sorceries to meet your ends, telling yourself that they are a forgivable alternative to that power, they said. But there are no degrees of damnation, just as there are no degrees of salvation. You either are, or you are not.

Nathaniel reached the bottom. He held his lantern high, illuminating the wide space around him.

The floor was of rough stone, coated with dust. Square wooden pillars rose up, holding up the house above him. And everywhere was knowledge.

They came in scrolls and they came in books. There was even a small section of stone carvings. They sat in neat piles, lined up on shelves, and in boxes, some encased beneath ancient, dusty glass while others out in the open. The sum total of all Human knowledge in Gensokyo, both what the original settlers brought with them and what they had gained since. Any academic would gladly give an arm or commit an unforgiveable act of Gendou’s choice just to spend half an hour among that treasure.

Naturally, Nathaniel had free range.

Though most of the knowledge he had gained disgusted him, he learned it anyway. In order to destroy an enemy, one must know them. Nathaniel Skinner was fighting a war against the forces of darkness that literally permeated the air of this godforsaken country, both the demonic forces that lurked out in the dark and the ones that dwelt within his heart.

As promised, two piles of texts were waiting for him at a low desk. Nathaniel sat down on his knees in the dirt, laid the lantern down, and went to work.

It being what it was, Gensokyo was less of a country where supernatural phenomena occurred and more of a wellspring of supernatural phenomena that occasionally had meager attempts at civilization spring up like patches of mold. Demonic activity was the rule rather than the exception, and there were large swath that mortals were content to leave well enough alone, making no move settle in and modernize.

The Youkai Forest was hardly the largest or most notorious of those places, but it was up there, and despite Gensokyo’s small size, very little attempt had been made to delve into its secrets, even though the country had supposedly existed in its own little pocket of reality before even America had been civilized. Oh, there had been people who tried here and there, daring explorers who had gone in and even a few who had come out. And of course, there was that one family of pagan priestesses that seemed to consider themselves humanity’s protectors from the dark forces despite serving those same forces.

As such, there were some recording and observations. There just wasn’t very many of them, and what they did have mostly took the form of hearsay, theory, and conjecture. There was very little hard fact to be found.

What little did exist was the smaller of the two piles. Nathaniel thumbed through it, looking for anything that might be what he was looking for.

A rough census of the various youkai communities within the forest, one that was seventy years out of date? No. Something about a “pale white strider”? No. A meadow of sentient mushrooms that lured victims in with songs of sexual ecstasy before…wait, they ate their sexual organs? And nothing else? Why?

Shaking his head, Nathaniel put that one aside quickly. The bloodrattles? No. The Yamauba? No. The Throne of Bones?

Nathaniel paused. That one, at least, seemed to be near what he was looking for. He scanned the report only to scowl in disappointment. It was a description of a chair with a bunch of animal bones on it, one hypothesized to contain some ancient forest spirit. Certainly it seemed dark and evil, worthy of being burned away in Christ’s cleansing light, just not the source of darkness and evil that he was looking for.

Give in.

And then, right when he was convinced that he had gone on a snipe hunt, he found it.

It wasn’t much, just a small entry in some long-dead researcher’s journal, but it matched the description.

Of all the myths and legends passed along by the local youkai, few are more perplexing than the talk of something that they called the Bone Grove. Those willing to speak to me are strangely hesitant to mention it, as if doing so will draw its attention. As those who have been willing to speak of me have always seemed to delight in spinning dark and bloody tales of the forest’s dangers in hopes of scaring me, this struck me as very strange.

Nathaniel sat back on his haunches, hand stroking his beard as he thought. Well now, that sounded very familiar. Unfortunately, there was little else in there, just a mention of a rumor by someone who was long dead.

Regardless, I have not been able to even ascertain its location. I spoke to my friend Momo Tweeldewing, who has always been more forthcoming about the forest’s secrets. Even she seemed scared to speak of it, and all she would tell me was that long ago, there had been a small village where both Human and youkai lived together in peace, until one day a ball of flame fell from the Heavens and destroyed the village when it hit, and since then no life has been permitted to exist there, and no one in their right mind would ever set foot in that place. She begged me to promise not to seek it out, saying that I would not be strong enough to come back out again.

Though I could get no more from her, I have to admit I am now even more fascinated by this fabled bone grove, as until now I have never heard of any kind of peaceful coexistence between both man and youkai within the forest’s borders. If this story is true, then it could imply that this mysterious comet itself is responsible for the many dark energies that swirl through the Youkai Forest.

Despite his many thick layers of clothes, Nathaniel felt cold sweep through his whole body. He searched through the rest of the documents but could find no other mention of the bone grove. Part of him was glad for that. What little he had found told him that he was in greater danger than he had realized.

And there was still one more pile waiting for him.

Nathaniel cast a dour glance at the much larger stack of scrolls and ancient pieces of parchment. This one he honestly expected to be a waste of time. After all, what were the odds that the woman with the smart mouth working as the orphanage’s cook was also the Sonozika family’s ancestral enemy? It was far more likely that she had simply heard the name somewhere and used it to screw with Gendou’s head. Lord knew the man was certainly…malleable.

Still, he had promised, so he reached for the first scroll and unrolled it.

Though this time there was an abundance of information and carefully recorded observations, Nathaniel wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to make of it. According to what Gendou had told him and what he was reading, the Fujiwara family had been business rivals to the Sonozikas sometime before Gensokyo had even been created, which had later grown to being enemies of a more personal sort. There was mention of farm raids, assassinations, attempts to publicly humiliate, and other unscrupulous skullduggery one might expect from that kind of barbaric society. However, while there was plenty talk of Fujiwara no Fuhito and his sons, his single daughter only got a few passing mentions, and then only among familial lists. Apparently even the Fujiwaras’ arch-enemies hadn’t even considered her worthy of attention.

Right up until she was.

Of the “incident” in question, there was plenty, as the survivors had launched a full investigation once the flames had been put out. Apparently, one day a young woman claiming to be the estranged daughter of Fuhito had shown up at the Sonozika residence. She had called out the family patriarch, demanding that he face her personally to account for the murder of her brother and the many attempts to ruin her family. Predictably, she had been laughed at. And then…

Nathaniel arched an eyebrow.

And then an arrow had been sent through her heart. The culprit had been a bowman positioned on the estate’s walls, one who had acted without instruction. Why the fool had done so, whether it be overzealousness or accident, wasn’t recorded, as he hadn’t survived to be questioned. What was known is that despite being seemingly killed on the spot, the woman had not stayed down. Instead, she had gotten right back up again, pulled the arrow right out of her chest, and…

It was there that the details got muddled. There were several firsthand accounts of what had happened, but few offered anything concrete. What was clear was that the woman had become some kind of demon, a fiery abomination that had taken to the air and rained down damnation on the entirety of the Sonozika estate. Gendou’s ancestor had been cooked alive inside his own armor, as had all of his elder sons. His guards had either fled immediately or they perished as well. And seeing how much the Japs valued loyalty, they had probably lost their lives as well, once everything that could be learned from them had been learned.

Nathaniel thumbed through the accounts, but there was little variety. Fire and fear, those were the common threads. Reports from later spoke of wanton destruction, indiscriminate and thorough. The estate had been destroyed, burned to cinders but not pillaged. The devil-woman had come to kill and destroy, nothing else.

That had proven to be her undoing, at least insofar as her revenge had been concerned. If she had taken the time to search out the smoldering remains of the estate she had destroyed, she might have found the caches of wealth that had gone untouched, papers and documents and deeds that had been stashed away in safe places, all things that had allowed the Sonozika family rise from the ashes and reestablish themselves. And had she bothered to pursue those who had fled the inferno instead of concentrating on those who were fighting back, she might have prevented the escape of the youngest of the Sonozika children, from whom Gendou was descended. Instead, she had focused on the old man himself, him and his grown sons.

Regardless, as far as revenge went, it had still seemed fairly successful. Four Sonozikas dead, the patriarch and all three of his immediate heirs. Most of the staff had survived, those who had fled anyway. And they all said the same thing. The woman had taken flight, and everything had burned.

As Nathaniel thumbed through the reports, he came across something interesting. It wasn’t really a scroll, though it was wound like one. Rather, it was a silk tapestry, one that had been carefully preserved, though wasn’t on display upstairs for obvious reasons.

It was an artist’s rendition of that day, or at least as near as could be made.

It was done in that weirdly slanted style that the Japanese seemed to favor, with its broad strokes and flowing lines. Nathaniel had always found it kind of ugly, but regardless of the art style the scene it depicted would be hideous.

The lower half showed the courtyard of what had probably been considered a great house, though it probably had paled to even the most humble of homes in Philadelphia. There were several men wearing primitive armor lying on the ground, screaming in agony. And everything, including the men, was on fire.

The source of the flame was fairly evident. The upper half was taken up by the unholiest of abominations, a flaming demon that was half-woman and half-bird. It flew on great wings of flame, and gore dripped from the talons it had in place of hands and feet. Its beaklike mouth was open, and it was vomiting flame directly into the stomach of the man directly below her, whom was wearing green armor while everyone else wore blue. Gendou’s long-murdered ancestor, no doubt.

Nathaniel thoughtfully stroked his beard as he studied the depiction of the creature claiming to be the renegade daughter of the now-extinct Fujiwara clan. Well, he had certainly seemed several youkai who bore animalistic features, no doubt owing to their demonic origin, though he was fairly certain that this was merely artistic license. Or maybe the Sonozika clan had actually almost been wiped out by a flaming bird-woman. Honestly, at this point, Nathaniel would accept anything.

Of greater interest to Nathaniel wasn’t the bird-woman’s appearance, but what she was doing in the picture, or to be more specific, where the fire was coming from. Specifically, her mouth. Now, given that it was highly unlikely that the artist had set up his easel at the actual site of the slaughter and had her pose to be painted, that was probably just another attempt to be dramatic rather than accurate.

Still…

Seiya’s words came back to him. “Out of her mouth!” he had said. “She spewed fire out of her mouth!”

Interesting.

He mentally formed a picture of the uncouth woman claiming to be named Fujiwara no Mokou in his head and transposed it over the rendition of the Fujiwara no Mokou of old. Of course there was little they visually had in common, and by any reasonable metric that Fujiwara no Mokou ought to have been burning in Hell for the last several centuries.

But what if she wasn’t?

What if the two were one and the same?

He had to learn more. He had to get in close, examine the situation for himself.

But how?

Give in.

He shook his head. No, shut up!

Think. He had to think. He had to figure out a way.

Nathaniel sighed. This would have been so much easier in Philadelphia. There, it would be so easy to send someone under the guise of providing charity, and have them-

Wait.

Nathaniel frowned. An idea was forming. It was incomplete, it was certainly risky, but…

He slowly nodded. Yes. Yes, that could work.

…

“For as the Christ our Savior once said, it is better to have a millstone tied around your neck and to be thrown into the sea than to let even one of the little ones be lead into darkness! And though I am certain that some of those children have already welcome sin into their hearts and are beyond saving, there might be those whom still hear the Lord calling to them. There are those who might be persuaded to break away, and seek out the Light.”

Nathaniel paused, letting the faithful soak in his words. Then he said, “I am going to propose that our church offers the orphanage relief and support in this trying time. I know this goes against what I have counseled in the past, but the Lord does not make mistakes, and he finds faithful in even the most unlikely of places. Moses was a murderer hiding in the desert when the Almighty appeared to him in a burning bush. Jonah was a coward who ran and hid rather than deliver salvation to the wicked. The great Apostle Paul was a violent man seeking to eradicate the followers of Christ. It might be that, among them, we might also find the next vessel of the Lord’s will. And though they may laugh and curse us, though all but one of those children might turn their backs to the Gospel, that single one would have made the attempt worth it. Amen?”

In this, his congregation had no qualms in answering him.

“Amen!”

…

It was at the end of the day, and Nathaniel stood naked and alone in his washroom, staring once again at his reflection.

It was well that his sermons tended to be on the excitable side. That way it was easy to explain how his brow glistened with sweat. Besides, it was the middle of summer! Given how many layers of thick clothes he wore, of course he would come out a little sweaty.

But if that was the case, why did he feel so cold?

He looked down at his hand, the corrupted hand, the one that had been the Dark Voice’s conduit. On the surface it looked perfectly fine, and it moved when he told it to, how he told it to.

But he still couldn’t feel it. It was like everything from his bicep down had been hacked off.

Give in.

He always needed to put in work to wake it up. He would often rise to find it feeling cold and lifeless, but after a hot herbal bath he would be able to beat some feeling into it, even if that feeling was searing pain.

A deep basin of steaming hot water treated with herbs sat on the table next to him. After taking a moment to prepare himself, Nathaniel thrust his hand into the water.

Normally that would be when the agony started, when the heat and herbs would come in contact with the corruption and he would have to bite down on a piece of leather to keep from screaming.

Not this time though. This time, he felt nothing.

No, no, no, no. Nathaniel clenched his hand into a fist, digging his fingernail into his palm. Come on, feel something! Anything.

There was nothing.

He yanked his hand out of the basin and stared at it. Murky water dripped down and steam rose up, but it wasn’t flushed with pink in response to the heat. In fact, it was still pasty white, like that of a bloodless corpse.

Nathaniel fumbled around with his left hand until he found his silver shaving razor. He pressed the blade against his palm and drew it across, making a shallow cut.

There was no blood.

No!

Again he thrust it back into the water. Come on, feel something! Where was the pain? There was always pain!

But then, though there still was no response from his hand, something did start to change.

The water had stopped steaming. He waved his left hand over the surface and felt no heat.

But it couldn’t have cooled that quickly! It had been boiling hot just a moment ago.

Then, as he watched, ice started to form, spreading out from his wrist to consume the entire basin.

Nathaniel hastily yanked his hand back out again. God, even though he still felt nothing from his hand, he could still feel the cold radiating off of it on his chest.

It looked dead. He could move it, but he couldn’t feel it, and he couldn’t bleed it. It looked dead, it felt dead, and had done so ever since…

(eyes. Eyes of devils, opening all around him. The relief carvings of twisted death had opened their eyes and were staring at him straight from Hell.)

…ever since…

(something was rising from the center of the room. A cylinder, a multi-sided black cylinder. Oh Jesus, help me!)

…ever since…

(it’s calling to me. I can hear it! It calls my name, draws me toward it, but I cannot resist! My legs are no longer my own, my body moves of its own accord!)

…ever since…

(I touch it. It is as cold as ice, freezing my palm to its side. I give the command to tear my hand away, but my body does not move. Then something jabs into the center of my palm, and I feel warm blood leaking out)

…ever since…

(I lose an entire layer of skin when I finally rip my hand away. I see it there, a perfect white handprint, frozen to the side of the black box. In its center is a tiny scarlet bead of blood. The blood begins to spread, covering the skin, dying it red)

…ever since…

(the box is opening. Oh God, it’s opening! It’s opening, and-)

Squeezing his dead hand into a fist, Nathaniel looked up again at his reflection, at his hollow eyes he always hid behind dark glasses. He was scared.

Give in.

Nathaniel’s legs could no longer support him. He sank to the floor, curling his limbs up into a tight ball, his dead hand clenched at his heart while the other grabbed at his hair. “No,” he sobbed. “No, I won’t. I won’t!”

Though the Dark Voice rarely changed the candor of its message, he was pretty sure he heard its laughter echoing through the deepest recesses of his soul.

…

So…this one will probably get at least partially rewritten before I start posting on FF.net, on account to me being totally brainfried and doing barely any editing. Oh well. Enjoy the beta!

Until next time, everyone.

[the--blackdahlia]

Armageddon Chapter 12 (Dean x Reader)

Title: Armageddon Chapter 1

Summary:  Space. The Final Frontier. But for Dean Winchester, space was the last place he thought he would ever go. His family life isn’t perfect, his job isn’t ideal, but he has (Y/n), the woman he loves. Sam Winchester never thought his life would turn out the way it did. He is divorced, alone, and his brother most likely hates him. Working for NASA was not going to be easy. But, when a threat to the earth has him calling on his family for help, what can he do? can Sam and Dean push past his family issues to keep the Earth spinning another day? Based on the movie of the same name.

Pairings: Dean x Reader; Sam x Jessica

Warnings For this Chapter: Some angst, some language. I think that's about it.

Song for this chapter: Star Trek Movie Theme

Launch Day

Dean paced nervously in the small airport. (Y/n) had gone to the restroom, but she was taking longer than she usually does. John was to scared to approach Dean, he wasn’t sure what to say to his oldest son. Dean breathed a sigh of relief when (Y/n) emerged.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked. “You took awhile. I thought you were going to miss me getting on the plane…”

“I’m fine, there was a long line, no biggie.” She caressed his cheek. “Go sit down and put on your walkman, you got your flying mix in there, I put it in this morning,” she gave him a soft kiss.

“God, what would I do without you?” He smiled and kissed her.

(Y/n) kissed him deeper this time, she put everything she had in her kiss, “You better come back to me Winchester, you hear me?”  

“I will. Promise.” He smiled. “And I’ll bring back Sam before he decides to marry a Vulcan.” (Y/n) laughed. “Are you sure they won’t let me sneak you on the plane with me? I don’t want to fly alone…”

“You’re not alone. You’ll have Sam.” She motioned over to him. Sam was standing off to the side alone. Everyone else had someone to say goodbye to. Sam had held out hope that maybe Jessica would change her mind and bring Ashton to say by to him, but there was nothing. John made his way to Sam.

“You going to be ok up there?” He rocked on his heels as he crossed his arms looking at his son.

“Yeah. I’m not the one scared of flying.” Sam laughed. “There just better not be any killer klowns from outer space up there. Or you guys are on your own.”

“I remember when that movie freaked you out,” John chuckled. “you crawled into Dean's bed for… what was I it? A month?”

“I’m not sure.” Sam said awkwardly. “I just know clowns are literally the spawn of the devil.”

“Sam, I'm sorry. I should have been a better father to you… and Dean, ” John croaked. “I… I was just scared that you were going to die on me at a young age and then… Your divorce happened and…” John couldn't find the words.

“Dad, you don’t have to apologize to me.” Sam patted his shoulder. “I’m okay. I promise.”

“Now if Dean will forgive me,” John sighed, “I might get to meet… nevermind…”John wasn't sure if Sam knew about (Y/n).

“Dean’s not going to keep...you know...away from you.” Sam smiled. “And you’ve got Ashton too, if Jessica will let you see him.”

“When you get back, I’m going to help you with her…” John placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “I know how much you love her and your son.”

“I do but...she really doesn’t need me dad. She’s happy without me.” Sam sighed. “It’s almost time to get on my flight.”

Dean and (Y/n) made their way towards Sam and John. Ash was kissing a busty broad who had glitter all over her body. Garth seemed to be very mellowed out. Benny looked almost relaxed as he smiled at the group. Ketch, held his head as if he was nursing a headache. John looked at his sons, and his rig crew.

“ALL of you,” He looked to Dean for a bit longer, “better come back alive, you hear me?”

“Yes sir.” They all said. Sam nodded and Dean gave a smirk.

“Dean,” John motioned for him to come over.

“Yeah?” Dean asked, going to his dad.

John said no words, all he did was take Dean in his arms and hugged him tight. John couldn’t say any words to him. at  least not yet. John only hoped that Dean could feel what the hug meant.

“We’ll be back soon dad.” Dean said, hugging his dad back. “We’ll have a barbecue.”

“Oh, now that sounds good,” John let Dean go. “Go give your girl one last kiss before you’re in the air. And Dean… congrats, I know her dad would be proud to have you as a son, cuz I know I already think of her as a daughter.”

“Dad, you’re gonna make me cry in front of the guys.” Dean laughed. They weren’t on good terms yet, but they were better. They were getting there.

(Y/n) picked at the hem of her shirt, she looked nervous. She never really knew Dean to fly without her, but she was hoping Sam could keep him sane. She took a shaky breath as he walked towards her.

“Ok,” her voice broke slightly. “I love you Winchester.” She whispered as she help him tight.  

“I love you (Y/L/N).” He smiled at her, holding her close. “And I’ll be back before you know it.”

(Y/n) wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him one last time. She had a small sense of dread that this might be the last time she would be kissing him. She was scared of losing him on this mission.

“I’ll make sure he comes back.” Sam said, kissing her cheek. “Thanks for everything (Y/n).”

“Pipsqueak, be safe up there, please?” (Y/n) smiled at him sadly. “You know you have to come back too, promise?” Sam just smiled and nodded.

“Time to go guys.” Benny clapped them both on the backs, leading them towards the plane. As they boarded the plane, Bobby addressed them quickly.

“Ok, Director of Cape Canaveral Chuck Shurley is going to meet you guys there and take you right to get prepped for the Launch,” He nodded his head slightly. “Now, once the rocket is over Houston Mission control will take over and we will be in constant communication. So, good luck and don’t do anything stupid ya Idjits!”

John cupped his hands around his mouth, “MY CO-PRESIDENT BETTER COME BACK SAFE!” he bellowed.

***********

Rushing through the airport with Ashton in her arms, Jessica was desperately trying to find Sam. She was able to use her old clarence thanks to Charlie who owed her a favor. She smiled when she saw John and (Y/n).

“John!” she waved and rushed to him. “Please tell me I made it in time, please?” She looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Jessica?” John asked. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought Sam was lying when he said they were sending him up,” She shook her head sadly. “I mean they never, sent him up before and we… he and I… and I said horrible things to him…” She let (Y/n) take Ashton from her arms. “I need to see him, I need to tell him I’m sorry.”

“Jess, you’re  too late.” John said, motioning to the plane that was about to take off. “I’m sorry.”

“NO, no, no, no,” Jess ran her fingers through her hair, “call them back or call the plane. I have to tell him I’m here, and Ashton’s here, Please!” she clawed at John before turning to Bobby. “Bobby, please you have to find a way to let me talk to him please.”

“Jess, I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do.” Bobby sighed. “If I would’ve known you were coming, I could’ve stalled.”

“Mission control! Is there any way after the launch when you switch that you can please let him know? Please, Bobby… please?” by now tears had started to spill from her eyes.

“There’s a chance that we can have a video feed to the shuttle.” Bobby said. “We’ll figure something out Jess.” He offered her a smile.

“Thank you,” she whispered. Before she almost collapsed only to be held by John as she sobbed.

**************

Ash looked around, “was he talking about me?”

“I think he’s talking about Dean.” Benny chuckled.

“Wait...did I just get promoted?” Dean asked as they shut the door. “Didn’t I quit?” Benny laughed and patted his shoulder.

Sam took his seat hoping that Dean would sit by him. Something about having his brother close to him seemed like a good idea.

“Come sit Dean.” Sam said. Dean slid into the seat by him. “Ready?”

“I guess,” He put on his seat belt with a shaky hand. “Do you think (Y/n)’s pregnant?”

“Uh, what?” Sam asked, a little nervous now. “What makes you ask that?”

“The throwing up, the fainting, The food she’s eating, not having beer last night… I mean, she’s gotta be right?” Dean gave a small smile. “I mean… I wouldn’t mind the idea really.”

“I don’t think so…” Sam lied. “Maybe she’s just stressed about everything.”

“Maybe,” Dean leaned back and sighed. “I’m scared I’d be like dad though if she was.” Dean chuckled, and looked to Sam. “I bet I turn out be a horrible dad. I would screw up that kid so bad,” Dean sighed sadly.

At that moment a voice sounded over the PA. “Passengers, please remain seated as we prepare to take off and make our way to Cape Canaveral Florida”

“You’ll be a great dad.” Sam smiled. “Just make sure you spend more time at home than at work.”

Dean simply nodded as he placed his head phones over his ears and pressed play on his walkman. Dean began breathing calmly as the first guitar sounds of Metallica’s enter sandman, began to play.

“Dean?” Sam got his attention, “Is that Metallica?”  

“It calms me down.” Dean told him. Sam just smiled and shook his head before looking out the window. The other guys were swapping stories and talking about what they were going to do after they saved the world. But not the Winchester boys. They were in their own little world.

“So, you excited to tie the knot with (Y/n)?” Sam smiled. By now the plane was in the air and they were free to move around the cabin. The plane was a small private chartered plane.  

“I’m nervous, but I don’t want to be without her.” Dean asked. “Sam, can I ask some questions without upsetting you?”

“Yeah Dean, I can try,” Sam gave a small nod.

“How did you know Jess was the one?” Dean asked, feeling bad when he saw Sam cringe a little.

“If I can be honest,” Sam gave him a sad smile, “She made me feel whole. It was like… everytime we were together, I felt complete. But when I got the job at NASA… I messed it up. I missed her so much when I was in the office, that I distracted myself with work, that by the time I looked up… I lost her.” Sam closed his eyes for just a moment. “I felt and still feel like I’m drowning.”  

“Sammy….” Dean felt his heart break a little. “Maybe when we get back and you’re a big hero, she’ll want you back.”

“It’s ok Dean… I know I lost her, I had her and I lost her... I will just have to see what happens next.” Sam muttered.

It wasn’t long before the plane began to descend into Kennedy Space Center where a tarmac was cleared just for them.  As they got off the plane, they were greeted by a man with curly hair, an unkempt beard, glasses, and a look that he had not slept for days.

“Hello gentlemen!” he squeaked, “I am Director Shurley, and I will take you into the area where we will dress you and prep you for your shuttle ride to the asteroid.”

“Good to see you again Chuck.” Sam said, shaking his hand. Chuck looked a little surprised to see Sam there. “We won’t let you down.”

“Sam! Wow, um… are you sure you don’t want the assistant director job? I mean… we could really use you over here?” Chuck said to Sam as they were walking towards a small building far from the launchpad.

“No sir, I’m fine in Texas.” Sam smiled and walked with the others. Dean slapped him in the back of the head. “Ow! What the hell was that for?”

“You told us it was a transfer,” Dean hissed. “Not this job! What are you crazy?” Dean shook his head, “Sam this was a big Deal… hell this is a big job!”  

“It’s not a big deal Dean.” Sam sighed. “They could find someone better.”

“But Sam….” Dean began but was cut off when Director Shurley began to explain the procedures.

Chuck gave everyone a nervous smile, “gentlemen, as you can see we will be sending you up on two small shuttles in order to better fit the asteroid. Now you will be divided into two groups. The commanders for the shuttles are Gabriel for the Independence, and Jo for the Freedom.” Chuck explained. “Garth, Mick, Ash, and Cas will be with Gabriel on the Independence. Sam, Dean, Benny, and Ketch will join Jo on the Freedom.” He looked at them. “Now let’s get suited up. And may God bless you.”

Forever Tags:  @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tags: @queenslandlover-93 @screechingartisancashbailiff @strab0 @maaryisafangirl @deathofmissjackson @hellabrothers @fandom-princess-forevermore @x-waywardaf-x @webcraft4eveh @deansgirl-1968 @2dead2function @luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @bella-ca @akshi8278

Supernatural Tags:  @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23 @cloudyskylines @flamencodiva @sams-serialkiller-fetish @theas-bedtime-stories @huntingfreewill @ocholove @princessofthefandomrealm

Armageddon Tags: @thefaithfulwriter

[idreamofhazel]

The Boyking: Chapter 4

Masterpost and series summary here.

Chapter summary: Sam, Dean, Ruby, and Dallas collide in Hell.

Characters: Sam, Dean, Ruby, Dallas, Bobby

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: This story is overall angsty. Read the masterpost description to get the full idea. I will put specific, important warnings on each chapter unless there are none.

A/N: I have a lovely team of people supporting me while I write this series. Thank you to my editors @butiaintgonnaloveem and @seenashwrite for your helpful insights and use of language.

You have a hunter, here, in hell?” Dean asked, his footsteps trailing Sam’s down another stone hallway. 

Sam did not answer, focused on getting to wherever he was going.

“He sure does,” Ruby answered for him, smugness lingering in her tone.

“This is not what I told you to do,” Sam said to Ruby. He stopped outside a doorway. “This one?”

Ruby narrowed her eyes and nodded her conformation.

“You put her here?” 

“Chocolates on the pillows and everything.”

“Stay,” he said. Then he placed his hand on the doorknob, took a breath, and gently pushed the door open.

A short entry opened into one of multiple master suites, originally furnished with the intention of housing willing visitors, but Sam had neither found the time nor the welcome guests he had hoped, so the rooms had remained largely unused over the years. He walked into the room cautiously, as if he were intruding on someone else’s bedroom, and found the hunter in question on the floor at the foot of the bed. She hugged her knees while breathing heavily.

Dean was close behind. “Maybe let me--” 

Sam put his hand on Dean’s chest, pushing him back as he quietly said, “Dean, look at her. We’re not barging in, especially not Ruby.”

Dean opened his mouth to argue but backed off after seeing Sam’s stern face.

Sam dropped his hand, standing to the side as Dean left the room. When the door shut with a click of the latch, he approached the woman slowly, careful to keep his steps soft and his body in a non-threatening stance. The woman’s head remained tucked between her knees and her chest as he moved closer. Sam was now less than a foot away, and she still hadn’t stirred. He frowned, reaching out his arm and laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. A jolt of something like electricity ran through his fingers at the contact.

Dallas’ head shot up and she scrambled away on her hands and feet, scooting across the abrasive floor.

“Don't touch me!” she yelled out. When her back hit a bookshelf, she stood, eyes lit up with fear.

Sam brought his hand up to his face, slowly turning it over, a set of jumbled memories that didn’t belong to him now in his mind, something like a child’s room, maybe-- 

“What did you do to me?” she asked, touching the spot on her arm where he made contact.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I was only checking-- Wait, you felt that, too?”

Dallas blinked at Sam in confusion.

“Everything ok in here?” 

They both turned at the sound of Dean’s voice, as he’d apparently decided to ignore Sam’s order. He came through the entryway, his eyes landing on the captive woman as he stopped beside Sam. 

Her eyes went wide before she tucked away her surprise. Dean squinted at her curiously and then checked behind him to see if Ruby was the source of her shock, but there was only him.  

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Sam said.

Dallas moved further away.

Dean took a step forward, putting his hand out in front of Sam, looking at Dallas. “This has all been a misunderstanding. No one’s going to hurt you. We’re going to let you go. Right?” He looked at his brother. 

“Yes, this is a misunderstanding,” Sam echoed.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

Ruby loudly entered the room, and a glare settled in the center of Dallas’ eyes, pulling thin lines around her lips as she watched her kidnapper.

“Ruby, this is not the time,” Sam said, annoyed that no one seemed to be able to follow his orders tonight.

“Maybe we should speak, demon to demon, without any human interference.” 

The word “human” was said in the same tone as profanity, and Dallas clenched her fists, reigning in a slew of expletives and her urge to punch the demon, breaking her pretty nose. She was fearless but she wasn’t stupid.

Sam’s face and neck flushed with anger. “I’m not listening to anything you have to say right now. You’re dismissed.”

Ruby looked furious. There was a second where Dallas thought she might lash out, but Sam did not waver.

Ruby’s confidence shrunk enough to make her take a step back. “My apologies, your majesty,” she forced out before turning on her heel and leaving.

Sam turned to Dallas. “I’m sorry you had to witness that,” he apologized.

“You’re the King of Hell?”

The question practically fell out of Dallas’ mouth, and the corner of Sam’s mouth turned up involuntarily. 

“Were you expecting someone else?”

What Dallas had expected was black eyes, maybe red, that seethed with evil, and a man that stood with more… command. But his eyes were a normal color and his stance approachable -- she wouldn’t pick him out of a lineup for “most evil man alive.” But she kept her thoughts to herself as she stood frozen.

“Sam, I don’t think now is the time for conversation,” Dean said. “How about we just get her out of here?”

“I’m going to ask her some questions first.” He gestured at the woman. 

“I thought you didn’t want to keep her here?” Dean asked, visibly irritated.

“I don’t. But there are some things I would like to know, and since the opportunity has presented itself--”

Dean took a step back. “Unbelievable. And to think I believed you had changed, even just a little!”

“Dean--”

“No! You listen, and you hear this loud and clear. If you want any help from me-- any at all-- you let this girl go, no questions asked. You’re not keeping hunters captive while trying to get help from them, for christ’s sake!”

“I’m not keeping her captive. I just want to talk, then she is free to go.”

“How long are you planning on keeping her?”

“A few days, a week at the most.”

“I’ll stay.” Dallas’ voice had risen above the men’s bickering, and without hesitation, not giving herself a chance to second-guess the decision.

“Why?” Dean blurted out. “You don’t have to.”

Sam stood straighter, his eyes flashing with interest as the woman interacted with his brother.

Dallas crossed her arms, not saying a word.

“Fine,” Dean gave in, then pointed the rest of his response at Sam. “But I’m checking in on her in a couple of days.”

“You’re always welcome here,” Sam said. “Now, why don’t we let-- I’m sorry, what is your name?”

“Dallas.”

“Dallas,” Sam repeated with a polite nod, taking a second to let her name settle on his tongue. Then he turned to Dean. “Why don’t we let Dallas rest? I’m sure she’d appreciate some privacy.”

“Just one second,” Dean said, facing her. “I’m Dean, by the way.” He extended his right hand. She did not return the gesture, and he lowered his arm. “Right. Well, let me know if he gives you any trouble. You want my number or--”

“I can handle myself,” Dallas said.

“Right. Ok.” He took that as his cue to leave and walked towards the door. 

Sam followed, turning around one last time before leaving. “I’ll send someone to check on you in a few hours.”

Dallas nodded. When both men were out of sight and the door shut, Dallas frantically searched the room. She looked under the four-poster bed, behind the two armchairs, inside the armoire - her bag was nowhere to be found.

“Shit,” she said under her breath. 

An angel blade lying out in the open, or in the hands of a demon, could be a big problem. 

When Sam returned to the main hall, Ruby sat in his throne, one leg over an arm of the chair, flipping a knife between her fingers. She looked up nonchalantly, pretending to be surprised by Sam’s entrance.

“Is your brother gone?” she asked.

Sam walked up to the platform. “Get out of my seat.” 

“Oh, your throne, you mean?” She continued playing with the knife.

“I can force you if you’d like.”

Ruby’s brow popped up. “Maybe I would.”

Sam continued the unrelenting stare.

“Fine.” Ruby swung her legs to the front of the chair and stood.

“What has gotten into you?” 

“Sorry if I question the decision to have two hunters in hell at the same time,” Ruby snapped. 

“You question my judgment?” 

“Come on, Sam. I know how you are about your brother, everyone does, and when word gets out that you’re--”

“Word isn’t going to get out. Because this stays between you and me for now. Don’t think I don’t know what could happen if the demons find out.”

“It would give them one more reason to return their allegiance to Lucifer, and we can’t have that. We need you alive, on the throne.” Ruby stepped closer, placing a hand on Sam’s shoulder, gently directing him to sit down. “That is why I’m worried about your plan.”

Sam leaned back, letting out a deep breath. “You’ve been the one person who’s had my back through all of this, and I need that trust now. I can’t do this without you.”

“I know.” She placed her hand on Sam’s, kneeling at his side, “We want the same thing, Sam, to see Hell flourish with its intended purpose. But forgive me if I don’t fully trust the humans. This plan could backfire.”

“If it does, we’ll handle it, together. But I need Dean to see my real intentions. I know he still thinks I’m evil.”

“We can’t always change what people think of us. We have to do what is best for Hell.”

Sam looked Ruby in the eyes. “Promise me you won’t interfere with this plan anymore? It’s our best shot right now.”

Ruby lowered her eyes, bowing her head. “I’m with the King, always.”

Dean rolled up to Bobby’s in the Impala the next day, and the seasoned hunter greeted Dean with a hug after he set his bag down inside the door.

“I’ll grab some beers,” he said knowingly.

Dean made his way to the parlor, clearing the coffee table of clutter just before Bobby returned with the drinks. 

He sat down in his chair, handing a beer to Dean. “So. How’d it go?”

Dean plopped onto the sofa. “Let’s see--there’s an approaching apocalypse, Ruby’s still a pain in the ass, and Sam is keeping another hunter in hell with him.” Dean swallowed a large swig of his drink, easing back into the couch cushion.

“An apocalypse?” Bobby shook his head. “Balls.”

“You don’t seem that surprised.”

“Weird things have been happening. Ellen told me she talked to you not that long ago. There’s signs in the sky. Hunters are getting into more trouble than usual. I had one ask me about you just yesterday.”

“Who?”

“I didn’t catch her name, or much of anything. Only that she needed your help with something. But she left as soon as I said you weren’t in town.”

“I’m sure she’ll catch up to me soon enough.”

“But this other hunter, is this someone already on his side?”

“No,” Dean said, shaking his head, “I don’t know what she’s doing down there. She had the chance to leave and she didn’t take it.”

“Did she seem hexed, possessed maybe?”

“Nope. But I’m going back in a couple days to check on her, and I guess talk to Sam again.” 

Bobby leaned forward, looking Dean straight in the eye. “You’re really going to help him?”

“It’s the end of the world,” Dean replied.

“But he’s the devil and all that.”

“Since when have you been calling Sam the devil?”

Bobby shrugged. “That’s what you’ve always called him.”

Dean gave Bobby a look. “This arrangement is purely… strategic.”

“I thought you had a friend on the other side of things.”

“Well, he’s busy. And he hasn’t said a word about the apocalypse.”

“Plus, it’s your brother.”

Dean gave Bobby a harsher look.

Bobby put his hands up. “Alright, alright. I get it. Strictly strategic. You want me to talk to Ellen?”

“No, I’ll do that myself,” Dean said, “Once I figure out how the hell to sell this.”

“You’ve got one on the team besides yourself. You can use that.”

“You don’t have to help, really. You’ve been in this a long time. I know you’re trying to focus more on the junkyard.”

Bobby waved his hand. “Nonsense. If this is the Big One, I’m not sitting on the sidelines.”

Dean smiled, but it quickly faded. “Thanks. Most hunters are gonna douse me in holy water first, ask questions later.”

Bobby looked at him carefully, his tone serious. “And that’s if you’re lucky.”

Tag List

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[statusquoergo]

It’s been one hell of a ride, but we’re in the home stretch now; this episode is basically Part I of a two-part series finale, so apologies in advance for the cliffhanger.

Except that if you don’t like being held in suspense, you can just watch the promo for “One Last Con” (s09e10). Spoiler alert: Everything’s going to be fine.

Keeping true to form, this episode opens on a flashback to both illuminate and slightly alter canon as it’s already been established: Nonspecific-childhood-age Harvey is playing in “the most important game of [his] life” as Lily looks on, cheering loudly despite Harvey’s face falling at the distinct lack of Gordon by her side. After the game ends, Harvey yells at his mother for…coming to the game in the first place? It’s weird and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but I can sort of let it slide because Harvey is an immature preteen. Or teenager, I don’t know. What I’m not going to give a by is Lily saying she’s “doing the best [she] can” to keep their family together with Gordon on the road so much, being that we know she’s cheating on her husband while he’s “working his butt off for [his family],” although seeing as how I don’t see Bobby at the funeral, maybe we’re supposed to casually forget about that thing she did that gave Harvey all those trust issues and caused him to estrange himself from his family all those years that the “Previously On” summary specifically reminded us about and that she never apologized for or acknowledged was wrong of her in any way.

Okay. Now. This funeral is clearly meant to be touching and emotionally stirring. You may find it to be so. I did not. I wanted to; I adore a really well-crafted funeral scene, but…what can I say. It didn’t happen. And I’m writing it up how I experienced it, so just…keep that in mind, if you would.

Harvey begins his eulogy by talking about inheriting his love of baseball from his father and how, up until recently, he always associated thoughts of the game with him. In truth, however, his mother was the one who “took [him] to every practice, cheered [him] on every game”; “she was always there, even when [he] thought she wasn’t.” It’s at this moment that he sees Mike standing in the back of the audience and has to pause to collect himself, which is quite lovely and very well-timed to parallel Lily with post-Seattle Mike in Harvey’s life, which is a little awkward, but it’s nice that they’re trying to convey how important Mike is to him. I don’t really understand why Harvey has to drag Gordon in order to talk about how much he loves Lily, but maybe he’s only allowed one good parent at a time, and it’s no wonder his childhood was so fucked up.

He mourns that “[he] didn’t know [she was always there] for a long time, but now [he does],” and the only thing I can think of that this might be referring to is her knowing about Donna, even though Harvey never mentioned her, because Lily and Marcus gossiped about Harvey behind his back, so…that’s nice? He then says that “she always owned [her mistakes],” and I’m pretty sure this is the biggest reason I’m having such a hard time feeling anything but exasperation and confusion at this whole event. Harvey is clearly struggling to hold himself together and Gabriel is doing a great job of selling it and I know I’m supposed to feel sad right along with him, but I’ve never been particularly moved by Harvey and Lily’s relationship or their reconciliation, so now that Lily’s dead, I as a viewer am primarily relieved that the show isn’t going to have any more opportunities to try to force me to like her just because she’s Harvey’s mother. I’ve long been frustrated that she never took responsibility for her affair, not to mention the fact that she guilted Harvey into lying about it for her, and this show keeps trying to substitute the fact that Harvey forgave her for her owning up to what she did, but they’re not the same thing. Now Harvey’s the one to apologize for not reconnecting with her sooner, choking out a final “I’ll miss you and I’ll always love you”; the benediction is about forgiveness because of course it is, and we cut right past the actual burial to the reception. Probably for logistical reasons, so that’s fair.

Mike approaches Harvey to assure him that “it was a beautiful eulogy” and “she would have loved it,” and I don’t know if anyone else was worried that they were going to totally whitewash the way Mike and Harvey left things at the end of “If the Shoe Fits” (s09e05), because I was, and they absolutely did:

“Listen, Harvey, uh about what I said the last time I was here—” “Don’t worry about it. You being here now says everything.”

Everything? Are you sure about that?

Anyway Donna interrupts this touching moment to inform Harvey that Marcus needs him, leaving Mike to ask Donna to “give it to [him] straight” about how bad everything really is; she confides that “this couldn’t have come at a worse time” because of the whole Faye thing, and they’re really putting the pedal to the metal to make her out to be a villain before the end of the series, but seriously, she’s just there to get them to stop breaking the law and committing disbarrable offenses every forty-five minutes, it’s not her fault that’s the only way they know how to practice. Donna has an idea of how to fix everything, but it involves Mike forgiving everyone for what happened on the Brick Street case, not just Harvey, and like I get Mike being in a position to forgive Samantha for fabricating evidence against him, but doesn’t he need to apologize for the whole…everything he did? Maybe Harvey prefers to forgive people who don’t apologize to him; that sure would explain some stuff.

In the other room, Harvey and Marcus commiserate over not being ready for Lily’s death as Harvey laments that they had been making plans for her to come to New York and meet Donna (naturally), and Marcus gives Harvey an envelope he found on Lily’s desk that she must not have gotten around to mailing. Gee I wonder if those two things are related.

Samantha and Louis murmur about how touching the funeral was, Louis tossing out a casual mention that he “[doesn’t] ever want to see Superman laid so low,” when Mike approaches to have a word with Samantha; he’s sorry she was fired and she, with the benefit of hindsight, would’ve done things differently, and he doesn’t have a plan yet, but between the two of them, “if [she’s] willing to bury the hatchet, [he’s] pretty sure the two of [them] can come up with something to send that woman packing.” Anything short of actually quitting committing disbarrable offenses, I suppose.

A few days later, probably, Harvey emerges from his bedroom to assure Donna that he’s okay and she “[doesn’t] need to stay here with [him],” just in time for Mike to show up with the episode’s first major callback: “Somebody call for Robin? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I saw the Bat-Signal last night.” Take that, Louis, with your Superman reference. No, it’s very cute, the banter is much better than it was the last time around. Mike says he’s here to return the favor of Harvey being there for him when Grammy died, and sadly no, that doesn’t mean they’re going to stay up late getting high together; instead Donna third-wheels her way into the conversation to translate that Mike is going to help them get rid of Faye, oh and by the way Donna was the one who put him up to it (but “at least [she] didn’t put him up to pretending to be a lawyer,” and no, please, I’m not at all sick of this stupid joke).

Seems that for the week Harvey and Donna have been Out Of Office, Katrina and Gretchen have been doing their best to cover for them at the firm, so that’s good of them. It does kind of bolster my theory that Donna doesn’t have any special qualifications for her job, though. Then Samantha shows up unannounced in Faye’s office and I don’t know if the security guards let Mike up because they know him, or he never turned in his badge, or what’s going on here, but he arrives to explain that Samantha wasn’t announced because she’s here as his guest (how), being that he’s representing her in a wrongful termination suit. Faye immediately determines that this is a ploy to get rid of her and Samantha doesn’t exactly disagree, but then Mike claims that Faye has no proof of anything that Samantha did, and Samantha brags that even though Faye “came in here and took Robert’s reputation, Louis’s dignity, and [her] everything,” they’re going to have the last laugh because “one of [them] is finally getting [their] day in court.” (I mean Robert kind of tanked his own reputation and it was Samantha’s decision to fabricate the evidence that got her fired, but… Never mind.)

Strolling down the hall, Louis finds Harvey back at his desk and pauses for Harvey to explain that Mike and Samantha are filing a wrongful termination suit and he doesn’t want to miss the “fireworks.” Faye pops in to further clarify her role as the Big Bad Antagonist by offering her condolences for Harvey’s loss so that he can tell her to keep them because he knows she “[doesn’t] give a shit about [him] or [his] mom” (so much for that whole humanizing plotline about “crossing a line” to protect her daughter); she then boxes them into representing her by promising that if they can win her case without colluding, cheating, or “telling the other side about this,” she’ll leave because “[she’ll] know [her] job here is done.” Right, because wins in court are always an objective reflection of how well one side argued over the other, and no judge or jury in history has ever rendered an unpredictable verdict for personal reasons or anything.

In any event, Faye stalks out with the declaration that she’s already filed a motion to dismiss and “will have someone in chambers this afternoon” (most judges are significantly overworked and can take several years to address such a motion) and Harvey informs Louis that “if [he thinks Harvey’s] gonna keep this from Donna, [he’s] out of [his] mind.” Donna shows up at just exactly the right moment to hear Harvey’s proclamation, giving Louis the opening he needs to tell her to brace herself because they “have some things to tell [her], most important of which is [they’re] representing Faye,” and whoever wrote that line has to be the same person who wrote Harvey’s “some of which you know, some of which you don’t” bit from “Cairo” (s09e04) and that doesn’t mean anything important but it’s just really irritating that this syntax structure is coming up again considering how bad it is.

Donna immediately goes to fill Alex in on Harvey and Louis’s plight, the event conveyed to us the viewers by way of his quick recap of the scene we just witnessed (in a manner agonizingly reminiscent of Mike’s clumsy recaps at the beginning of “If the Shoe Fits” [s09e05]), and asks him to please look into whether “Faye can really take [them] down” because even though Harvey says he can handle this, she’s worried about his frame of mind because of the whole his-mother-just-died thing. Alex doesn’t think Faye is lying about her ability to do anything, but he promises to check.

Apparently Faye did somehow manage to get her dismissal motion on front of a judge that very afternoon, but just as Mike’s moving to, uh, dismiss her dismissal, Harvey and Louis show up to present themselves as Faye’s counsel, much to Mike’s and Samantha’s surprise (or perhaps dismay at the writers’ inability to think of a way to justify Mike’s return if not to go up against Harvey again). Harvey presents a section of SLWW’s bylaws that makes it seem as though Faye had every right to fire Samantha for any reason she saw fit, but Mike busts out his eidetic memory for the first time since like Season 2 (second major callback!) to quickly rattle off a subsequent paragraph that counters that claim, and the judge not only denies the motion to dismiss, she “[moves] this up in [her] docket to the first available slot” (why).

In the alley out back (or maybe the street out front), Mike presumes that Harvey and Louis are representing Faye so they can help play both sides, but Harvey begrudgingly sets him straight, advising them to drop the case before Faye finds proof that Samantha fabricated evidence. He and Louis offer Samantha a $3M settlement, and Samantha, apparently quite confident in her ability to cover her tracks, tells them to shove it, but Mike interrupts that they’ll think about it. Maybe he can tell this is all super fishy and figures there’s another angle at play? Maybe he trusts Harvey after all? Some actual conversation to that effect might’ve been nice, but I guess I’ll take what I can get.

Back at the firm, Faye approaches Donna to ask where Gretchen is, and Donna lashes out at her for making Harvey represent her right after his mother died, and I mean fair enough, but Mike and Samantha did choose to file their lawsuit right after the funeral, and Harvey did choose to come back to work specifically to see the fallout; what did they think was going to happen? Donna then threatens that if Faye “[hurts] Harvey more than he’s already been hurt, mark [her] words, [she’ll] be the one coming for [Faye] next,” which is…kind of her? But like, what exactly does she think she’s going to be able to accomplish?

At Mike’s apartment, I think, as Mike and Samantha prepare for trial, Samantha proposes presenting herself as a sob story from the foster system who “overcame obstacles to make something of [herself],” but Mike is still suspicious of Harvey and Louis offering a deal when “they can’t stand Faye” and instead suggests making a counteroffer. Samantha’s all begrudgingly impressed that Mike “really [is] as good as they say,” and Mike reminds her that “the two guys [they’re] going up against are no fools either,” which are not words I ever imagined I’d hear come out of Mike’s mouth, but whatever, it’s time to get to work on that counter.

Part II

[0ciestiel0]

Buddie Appreciation

((After the episode Fools I think will update this weekly now because who knows where they are ultimately going with Buddie))

((Also including two of my newest edits))

Now, Welcome to my Ted Talk:

So obviously Buck and Eddie are close. Buck calls him his best friend in Searchers.

They didn’t start out that way, however.

Buck was jealous of Eddie. Not just because he was a new hot guy who was in his turf and he felt threatened with that whole hot firefighter calendar but of how easily the team accepted Eddie into their ranks. Buck had to fight and earn a place and respect but Eddie just walked in and had it. It stung and you could see it in Bucks facial expressions and overall attitude.

However, that animosity quickly subsided the minute he and Eddie share an intense call. He sees that Eddie has experience and skill. Eddie offers him to have his back and Buck offers the same. But Eddie acknowledges Buck’s skill. He tells him he’s good under pressure. He offers verbal praise which I think is something Buck kinda craves. He seems to need that verbal validation. He must not have had that unconditional love growing up, at least from his parents and Maddie left for school and then got married and had her own set of problems. But Eddie gave that validation. That was a very quick progression to friends but not necessarily unreasonable given Buck’s personality.

They slowly bond over their time being partnered in the field. Buck spends the most time with Chris out of anyone else on the team. Buck helps Eddie out, giving him rides, going to see Santa, getting Eddie Carla, and who knows what else we haven’t seen. The lady elf even thought they were a couple and Chris was their son. Buck obviously cares about Chris. He loves spending time with him. When Eddie brings him to the station Buck was already informing Bobby and getting the necessary permissions. And he was Playing with him on the fire pole with Eddie. Maddie even picks up on their closeness by teasing him about having boy-crush on Eddie.

Eddie talked to Buck about his relationship with Shannon. Buck was the one to take Eddie to the school to make sure Chris was ok and to pick him up, after the earthquake.

There was a lot of this trust built up and then Eddie emphasizes it when he drops Chris off with Buck before the tsunami. He drops by Bucks unannounced, clearly having a key to his place. Like it’s normal for Eddie to just show up without warning. I bet only Maddie would have a key besides Eddie. He gets Buck out of bed, not caring about his personal space. He says Chris is spending time with His Buck today. He’s Chris’s Buck. And maybe Eddie’s too. We don’t really know Eddie’s full meaning behind those words. We’ve never seen Eddie leave Chris with anyone but his family or Carla prior to this. He has a very overprotective nature with Chris. He wouldn’t even trust Shannon with him when she first came back.

And with Shannon is the first time we see Eddie get kind of angry at all. This is important for later. Chris has been the only thing that Eddie expresses lots of emotion for, aside from from his anger at Shannon which is still about Chris.

Then we have the tsunami episodes. And Eddie was happy to show everyone the selfies Buck was sending. He didn’t even seem worried that Buck and Chris were out that day. He likely assumed they were at the movies but still. He trusted Buck. And after Cap said that Buck still has them even if he doesn’t know it Eddie has that look of like ohhhhhh. And boom. Christopher basically becomes Bucks therapy.

And after. That scene at the end of Searchers. Where Eddie tells Buck there’s no one is this world he trusts more with his son than Buck, that’s intense. That’s meaningful. Parents just don’t say that to anyone, friends included. He also said Buck loved Christopher enough to never stop trying. Also an important thing to note. And Buck needed to hear that. Buck needs verbal affirmations it seems. He needs to hear that Eddie and Chris are still going to be a part of his life. That Eddie doesn’t hate him. That Chris doesn’t hate him.

Now to this whole lawsuit non-sense. After the tsunami Buck was cut off from his team. Even Eddie and Chris it seemed. Chris was having nightmares but Eddie didn’t go to Buck for it. It didn’t seem like anyone came around Buck much. And then he comes to find out Lena has taken his locker, his place as Eddie’s field partner. They taped over his name. Eddie is clearly spending time with her. It was all too much for Buck after the loss of no one coming around and he did something stupid. He filed the lawsuit. All he wanted was to get back with his 118 family. Including Eddie and Chris. I think the thought of losing Eddie as his best friend hurt him the most. He didn’t mean to cut of ties with Chris. He never wanted to hurt his family, especially Chris. He just wanted to feel like he belonged again. Like he hadn’t lost his family.

But he did act rashly. And Eddie took his rash decisions the hardest. Which came out at the grocery store. His whole speech was I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t reach out to you. It may have started with Chris misses you but it led to I need you why didn’t you consider that. It also made clear how much Buck means to Eddie. How much Eddie considers Buck a parental figure to Chris. The only other time Eddie got emotional was with Shannon. He felt betrayed when she left. When she left Chris. And it seems like Eddie had very similar feelings here. Like he and Buck had built this relationship and that relationship included Chris and then Buck just up and leaves. It’s like he stopped trying. If he loved Chris so much why would he have done this. To Eddie that felt like a Shannon betrayal all over again and he snapped. Which makes his grocery store outburst make so much more sense. And I think Chim was clearly picking up on just how intense this outburst from Eddie really was.

And It wasn’t just that he couldn’t talk to Buck either but that was certainly part of it. Buck was obviously Eddie’s first choice to bail him out of jail. He said to Lena he couldn’t call the team, he couldn’t call Buck. He separated Buck from the team. Like Buck was more to him than just a colleague or work friend. That he can trust Buck when he can’t trust anyone else. Buck obviously means a lot to Eddie. He even looked ready to deck Buck before the car accident in the parking lot happened. And what happens next? Eddie goes and does illegal street fighting. And Buck? He looked crushed when he heard that Eddie and Chris are hurting. I bet that’s exactly why he gave up on the lawsuit. He didn’t want millions. He wanted his family. He was wondering where Eddie was at the rage room. Just wait until Buck finds out about that. I have a feeling he will be the one to pull Eddie back from this spiral that he’s on.

Updates:

First thing I’d like to add into this is how the directors/writers add in these very…romantic tropey things with Buck and Eddie. Like how they set up shots for example. During Eddie’s ceremony when he’s finally like not a probationary firefighter and Chris is walking his helmet up the aisle and they have in frame: Eddie’s Abuela, Christopher coming up the middle, and Buck. And let’s take a min to look at Buck’s face as he sees Chris walking to his dad. It’s the face you’d expect a proud mom to have. But anyway. The fact they put Buck and Eddie’s Abuela in the same shot like that seems intentional and seems meaningful. Because Chris and his Abuela are two very important people to Eddie. And they have now included Buck into that moment. Giving us the impression Buck is as important to Eddie as his son (well almost, No One will be more important than Chris to Eddie but you know what I mean) and his Abuela.

Also, During Buck’s welcome back party we see Cap push Eddie, who was looking already ready to pounce, right to Buck to get the first hug. Everyone else waits while Eddie gets to greet his best friend first. And give him a very not bro-like hug. This kind of setup is also something we normally see with romantic partners. The love interest being the first to greet or hug or whatever.

Then we have that shot when Buck finally confronts Eddie for ghosting him when he comes back to the station. When they are standing apart Buck to the left Eddie to the right. It’s a very couple dynamic cinematography. Then after all is said and done, Eddie is still lying to Buck. He won’t meet Buck’s eyes. Like he knows if he makes eye contact Buck will push to find out what Eddie’s been secretly up to. And he knows he’d probably tell him. He tends to do that with Buck. He didn’t exactly want to talk about his relationship with Shannon when they took Chris to see Santa but it happened anyway. He talks to Buck. And Eddie currently doesn’t want to talk.

Next we have Buck and Eddie having dinner together at Bucks place with Christopher. We never see Eddie having dinner or hanging out like that with the other fire fam. Maybe as a group sometimes but never alone. And Eddie, once again, seems perfectly comfortable in Bucks place. we’ve seen he has a key when he showed up to get Buck out of bed pre-tsunami. And now we see him taking plates to the sink like he’s done that a million times before. He didn’t need to ask Buck what he wanted him to do.

And then we have that conversation in the kitchen. While Eddie does seem to have forgiven Buck, for real this time, Buck can’t seem to forgive himself. He apologizes for like the hundredth time. And Eddie is honestly shocked. He thought Buck knew things were good. But to Buck things weren’t. He still felt awful. He never meant to hurt his basically family like that. I think this is an interesting parallel here back to Shannon. She wanted Eddie to forgive her but she never really apologized. Not really. Eddie said he CAN forgive her. But wasn’t sure if he could trust her. He said he forgave Buck. No can, no maybe words. I think a lot of that has to do with their approach’s. Buck went out of his way to show Eddie he was sorry. He verbally said it multiple times. Eddie saw his remorse. He saw how much Buck was hurting just by the thought of hurting him and Christopher. That’s why Eddie thought they were past it. And why Buck didn’t. Buck seems pretty insecure with the people in his life. Like if they don’t tell him straight out what’s up he will worry. I don’t think Eddie’s the only one who feels like he’s not enough. I think Bucks love language thingy would be words of affirmation. He needed to hear Eddie tell him they were past it. To see Eddie really had forgiven him. And once they do get past it they are back to their weird flirty but not flirty thing they do. ([i](I mean did we all see Buck saunter over to Eddie with hands on his belt telling him he could take him?? Like that was a flirty way to say that, Buck))

And I think it says a lot that Eddie says his kind of therapy is just being with Buck and Chris. Buck does seem to be a grounding point for Eddie. Saying that out loud to Buck I think was important too because like I mentioned above Buck needs to hear things. Hearing that tells Buck that Eddie loves spending time with him. With his son. Basically like it’s his ideal day. It makes him happy.

And then we have the Christmas episode. Eddie invites Hen and Denny over to build gingerbread houses with Chris. But he also invites Buck. Hen points that out. All three of the boys. Buck, Chris, and Denny. Eddie knows how much Buck means to Chris. But I also think on some level he’s moral support for Eddie since he just told Hen that Chris was mad at him or upset really because he had to work on Christmas. And then Chris asks, His Buck, if he can spend Christmas with him. Like if he can’t have his dad he can have his Buck. Which is saying something right there. He knew he was going to be with his Abuela and his aunt but he still asked Buck. Buck obviously has a special place in Chris’s life for him to feel that way. To ask that kind of question knowing the alternative choice. But of course they both work and Eddie and Buck look heartbroken when Buck has to tell that to Chris. Let’s not overlook the face Eddie makes when he watches them make the gingerbread houses. Eddie looks so…happy when he looks over to Buck helping the kids. He doesn’t really look at other people that way.

Then at the station during the dinner, Buck is sitting next to Chris. Or more like Chris gets to sit next to both his dad and his Buck. They group Buck with the Diaz family a lot during this part. When Buck gives Chris his gift, it’s Chris, Buck, Eddie, and his Abuela off to the side. During dinner they sit like a family. During the fire fam photo Buck stands next to Eddie and the Diaz clan. When they return to the station to find all their family there the look on Bucks face is pure joy as he sees Eddie see Chris. And as he watched Eddie rush to Chris. Buck to doesn’t really make that face for other people. He made a similar face when Chris walked Eddie’s helmet up to Eddie after his probation status was up.

The writers and directors are intentionally making Buck look like part of Eddie’s family. They started this in season two but it’s increased since then. The way they film the shots, the way they write the dialogue, and the way the actors act the parts all add up to a very romantic/family centered relationship.

It makes me wonder how much is implied off screen between Buck and Eddie. Like how much time does Buck really spend with the two, how much co-parenting are we not seeing. Because Chris isn’t attached to anyone else from the fire fam like he is Buck. It must mean Buck spends quite a bit of time with them. Kids don’t just get attached like that otherwise.

Episode 11 of season 3. So they start off giving us an odd look between Buck and Eddie on being asked if they are single. Was that necessary? Why did they look at each other? Are they setting up a not single scenario? In all honesty I feel like it’s too late to give us a love interest for either of them this far into a season for it to be a serious love interest.

Then we have Maddie scolding Buck for not bringing a gift to Eddie’s house. He didn’t need Maddie to “save him from himself”. Buck knows when to bring gifts, he’s done so at least twice before. Like with Bobby and Athena’s Christmas thing he brought like wine and eggnog. So he didn’t bring a gift because he was being forgetful or rude he did it because he doesn’t feel like a guest in Eddie’s house. Because Eddie has made him feel this way. Eddie wants him to feel that way. So when he says this is Eddie’s house, he’s not really a guest, both he and Eddie mean that.

Eddie also gives Buck and Chris that really soft but huge smile he only gives them while Buck was playing with Chris on the couch with Albert. And Buck hovers next to Albert and Chris as everyone is getting dinner, like he needs to supervise.

Episode 12 of season 3. Now this episode was stressful for many Buddie shippers I’m sure. But we are not yet to the famous line of Dante “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”.

Yes, Eddie does flirt with that teacher. But Eddie is still human and the pretty girl kinda flirted with him. And sometimes there is a “mistake” relationship before the real romance happens. Many late season love interests don’t end up staying on tv shows. They are a stepping stone almost. If she does stay at all or more like if they continue to pursue this or if Eddie leaves it. Who knows where they were going with this, it could be a thing or it could end at flirting. Although I do fail to see how they could possibly build to something as good and developed with a new love interest as they have with Buck and Eddie. The foundation has basically been built for them already and they would literally have to start from the ground up with someone new to make this any sort of believable. Not just some nice, cute, woman thrown into either of their lives.

Eddie did apologize to her but some of the things she said make me wonder if they are hinting to Eddie’s future Buck feelings. Like her whole “There’s also some value in learning that… you don’t like horses.” Could that mean she picked up on something Eddie hasn’t? Or foreshadowing? Writers do dirty tricks like that. And I’d personally like to believe they wouldn’t set up Eddie with someone we the audience haven’t had anytime to get to know. He’s not that kind of guy from what we know. He’s had like one relationship. And even when he was separated (before she died) from Shannon he didn’t date?? So why would he just jump into something with this teacher whom we and he know nothing about??

Buck’s teasing Eddie while they got that woman unstuck from a window also seemed a little jealous maybe? Not to say he’s jealous Eddie has a date and he doesn’t but jealous he’s not the date even if Buck doesn’t totally realize that’s why he’s jealous. A stretch perhaps but why did he need to bring it up right then. Plus Eddie looked like “hey, I didn’t tell you that to mock me” kind of face. Like shocked Buck said that. And if Bobby’s face was anything to go by that was something he only had told Buck about because Bobby looked very shocked and confused, and clearly knew nothing of that situation Eddie had gotten himself in. Buck blurting that out seemed a little...out of place, is all I’m saying. Was he maybe a little relieved he may never talk to her again outside of school necessities? But Eddie apologizes anyway soo...

And we can’t forget about the poker game at Maddie’s and how Buck was not at all offended that he would get set up with a man but that his sister said she wouldn’t do that to Josh. Plus I think Buck isn’t really looking to date. I know he said all those things but since when has Buck ever had trouble getting a date if he wanted to. I was getting the vibe that Buck just isn’t actively looking. That he’s kind of ok with where he’s at right now.

We also can’t ignore how Eddie clearly vents to Buck. Not only about Chris but his terrible flirting and snippy behavior. And Buck also puts things into a better perspective for Eddie. He doesn’t just offer up some weak moral support, he offers actual constructive advice. He trusts Buck. Yes, that comes with being his best friend but when you pair that with all the other romantic subtext you get that close bond that Eddie likely isn’t going to get with someone else. (Cute English teacher I’m looking at you). And he also trusts Buck with Chris. He trusts Buck’s advice even though he’s not a parent himself. More than he trusts anyone else according to Eddie. And they are at Buck’s place. Alone. No Chris? That was clearly a hangout so Eddie could vent and talk out his feelings. Plus Buck uses baseball as a stepping stone for his point. He knows Eddie likes it. And they only just brought baseball up last episode. But we know Buck pays attention to small details. Did Buck actually read that book in the hospital? Or did he research people who were different but found ways to succeed before Eddie came over? Also, Eddie knew who the player was so he probably knew some of the details of his interesting story. But he let Buck explain.

And ok. When Eddie is talking to Chris he tells him things he told Buck in regards to Chris. He told his son to never stop trying. He told Buck he knows he loves Chris enough to never stop trying. He also tells Chris that next time he wants to try something they will try it together. And that just happens to also mean with Buck. That was likely Buck’s idea, just like with Carla, and Christmas. Buck doesn’t hesitate with Chris, if he can do something for him he’s going to get it done. He puts so much effort into being there for Chris, for making sure Chris is ok, he already loves Eddie’s son so much and the tsunami only bonded them more.

And the most heartwarming scene of the episode? Eddie and Buck surprising Chris with the special skateboard while Carla films the whole thing. They way Eddie and Buck look while they both spend time with Chris is just so domestic and comfortable and sweet. They feel like a family. They look like a family. They act like a family. Buck and Eddie are so in sync with each other. They only look at each other that way. Eddie’s flirty eyes are still different than the “heart” eyes he gives to Buck and his son. It’s a look so far that is exclusively reserved for them.

And the episode title, Fools, leaves a lot of questions too. The episode Eddie happens to flirt happens to be titled fools? The fools were not limited to the calls they received. Our fire fam is not immune.

The conclusion here?

Buck and Eddie definitely have an established relationship. Maybe it’s not romantic, at least yet (I can hope), but Buck has become a parental figure in Christopher’s life, regardless. And Eddie doesn’t let that happen with just anyone. And hell, they have more actual chemistry than most actual tv couples. I’m always a bit surprised when people say they don’t see how anyone could think Buck and Eddie should be a couple or how they look like a couple. You don’t have to ship them but saying you can’t even see why people do? Confuses me, Because they show is really hitting us hard with romantic tv tropes. However, if these tropes go nowhere and Buddie doesn’t develop, then this show is probably going to take the title for best queerbaiting show on network television.

And in all honesty I want Eddie to have someone who loves his son as much as he does because his son is his world. And who loves him too. And Buck already does that. And Chris loves Buck. And I want Buck to have that family that loves him because family is clearly something important to Buck and something he may not have had growing up. And he has that with Eddie and Chris. They could easily be each other’s happy. They made something wonderful, it didn’t just fall into their laps.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk