#and then theres the cat monster and the therapist

[bluesylveon2]

NRC Student's Dynamics:

First years: will fight anyone who tries to kill them

Second years: secretly planning on how to kill each other

Third years: will kill each other

[puddleonthefloor]

Hello there

could you perhaps give a quick list of the headcanons you have for each of the stick crew and their relations?

Yes I can give at least one or two for each real quick! :D

Second

Bites their lip as a stim while drawing

Said stim has caused his lip to be a bit cut up which the color gang worry about sometimes if they forget

Considers Alan his dad and Chosen his brother

He's still iffy about Victim and Dark

Red

Asked Second at some point to draw him cat features and just never asked to erase it

Often invites the monster school friends over to the computer when they don't have to be at school

Will fall for the basic cat stuff (Example: Lazer pointer, cucumber trick, ect.)

Yellow

Has a bit of muscle from working with heavy machinery

Often wonders if he had a life before the website and just cant remember

Didn't know he needed glasses till he mentioned it to the others and they figured out his vision is terrible

Green

Literally sobbed his heart out to purple while at the hospital after the concert thing (Sorry angst haters i had to add some silly angst)

Probably released some songs on Spotify

Sans level of dodging skills i swear

Blue

Cooks, Cleans, Does gardening, and Makes potions. BUT also great at Archery!

Often steals Seconds pencil tool and draws silly faces on herself

Trans fem :0

Purple

Often forgets he has the elytra on or forgets he doesn't have it on and trys to fly and falls often

Will visit K.O sometime's but hangs with the color gang more often

Gets along with Green and Second the most

Chosen

Blows smoke out of his mouth when stressed or annoyed

Covers his scars with bandages

Eats words often still when theres nothing in the house to eat

Shares a house with Dark

Dark

Still has his Virabots after the showdown and keeps them as pets

Has to get his hair brushed by chosen since he often refuses to brush it

Ate a rock one time out of curiosity and spat it out as charcoal after

Also breathes out smoke when upset or stressed

Victim

His face is cracked in two different areas

His vision is sorta horrible but he refuses to wear glasses cause then he'd look like alan

Wears gloves to avoid dirt

Favorites Agent out of the rest of the mercenaries

K.O

Joins purple in visiting the computer sometimes

Has gotten a therapist

Has been thinking of adopting purple but he's not sure if either of them are ready for that

Refuses to wear any types of crowns now

Agent

Wears the tinted glasses to look cool when really they're just his prescription

Bullies Ballista more than the rest of the gang

Had fun beating up the color gang mean mf >:(

Primal

Has leopard like features

She often tapes Ballista to the ceiling with help of Hazard

Fights w Ballista often

Hazard

They can slide through really tight spaces easier than other stickmen

Slipped on water once and now its a running joke with the mercenaries

Ballista

The definition of a devil

Will ruin your day if he has a chance

Fights with primal often but gets his head held to keep him far enough away

Acted as agent one time when he got a hold of his glasses

[wadesprincessboy]

Vent

You can read if you want and advice is welcome. Content/trigger warnings for abuse, self inflicted injury, self delete, cruelty (toward humans and animals)

I am an abuser. I am abusive to my core. I am toxic. I have negative narcissistic tendencies. I never say sorry. Or please. Or thank you. I am never greatful. I experience no empathy and very rarely do i experience sympathy. I hurt the ones around me constantly. I want to stop. I need to stop. I want to kill [me] everytime i realise what ive done. But i never realise until its too late. I lash out. I snap. I say cruel things. I am lucky that as ive gotten older i have stopped being physically abusive, but emotionally and psychologically it has gotten worse. The worst part is, the one i abuse most (my mother) still loves me. More than anything. She would never admit i hurt her 24/7. She is stuck. The guilt i feel is beyond anything i could ever write down but there is nothing i can do to stop myself from my cruelty towards others. I do not think before i act when i am upset. I simply say or do whatever i want and often what i want to say is cruel. I often threaten [self delete / self inflicted injury] to get what i want. But its more than a threat. I can and will hurt [me] to get what i want. If my mother pays attention to her gf instead of me i [inflict injury on self] and show her so she hangs up the phone and talks to me. I do not lack attention. I simply want more and more all the time. I fired a therapist who was actually helping me because she called me out on this. If anyone calls me out i scream at them and then go hide and cry about it because i feel so bad. It feels like theres no way out that isnt death or isolation. I dont want to hurt people but i refuse help and change (if change is even possible). I am even cruel to animals. Never physically. But i scream at animals when im angry and have to physically restrain myself or attack an inanimate object to stop myself from hurting them physically. The only living being i have never had to do this with is cats. In fact when i am on a rampage they calm me. But i still scare my cat. I yell and scream and throw things and it scares her. The things that hurt the most is there are only two beings in this world who i love. My mother and my cat. They are who i hurt. My mother especially. And that i am a prime example of the rare instance where the abused becomes the abuser. I am my fathers child through and through. He and my step father have shaped me to become this monster. Why. Why couldnt i be better. Why couldn't i stop the cycle. I know i could never have children despite wanting them so badly because i know i would hurt them. I am a worthless use of space, time, energy, and resources. Why. Why am i here. Why am i like this. Why do i bring nothing to this world but pain. Someone kill me. Please. Its gotten to the point where my mother and i have seriously considered a [self delete] pact. Because i need to [leave this earth] and she cannot live without me because for some reason she loves me more than anything (Stockholm syndrome probably). I need to leave this earth but i do not want my final act to her to be causing her more pain. I cannot drag her down with me. I want to [inflict injury on myself] but my gf took my [utensil] and i have no other. I could do it. I could leave. But i cant hurt her like that. Please. What do i do. Help.

[the-stoner-wizard]

I watched SMILE and reacted on Twitter here you go:

8:14 PM: Relatively calm.

I’m bored so I’m gonna do a live reaction to the horror movie I’m watching.

1. Holy fuck that suicide scene was brutal, knew it was coming but fuck

2. Campy dialogue, good scares

3. I fucking hate Holly

4. I’d shit myself if I saw that

5. Cute cat, Joel sucks tho

8:16 PM: Focused on lore.

Laura Weaver is a interestingly in depth character with a whole ass police report bring typed up for her, explaining her trigger in all this. Its a cool detail that not many horror movies do they just say “Oh it happened, imagine it :3” no this DESCRIBES it. V nice.

8:34 PM: Oh we’re yelling now.

YOU FUCKING KNOW THE THING IS RELATED TO SMILES WHY ARE YOU GOING NEAR THE CRAZY MAN GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM IT YOU STUPID BITCH HOLY SHIT GO GO GO NOOOOOO

8:36 PM: Calmer but still scared.

I’m so confused and so beyond fucking terrified its not even funny

8:42 PM: Mostly thinking of solutions

In the case of this movie I think I’d kill myself out of sheer blind panic because this shit is so fucking intense

8:45 PM: I don’t why this is what was in my head

Who the fuck names a cat Mustache

8:48 PM: Yelling again, that scar was rough

FUCK YOU DIRECTOR WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT WAS THAT GOD FUCK JESUS I HAD MY HEADPHONES ALL THE WAY UP YOU SO OF A

8:59 PM: Yelling pt2 absolutely brutal scene, pinned the director out of fear and amazement

THE CAT SCENE. THE BIRTHDAY SCENE. IM UNCOMFORTABLE IM SCARED IM CONFUSED THE DIRECTOR IS A FUCKING GENIUS WHO DIRECTED THIS HOLD ON ParkerJFinn DUDE GREAT JOB THIS SHIT IS FUCKING TERRIFYING YOU ARE A DAMN GENIUS

9:10 PM: Again happy with how good it is

The lore is so limited yet beautifully detailed and executed, clearly theres a world behind this and yet, you only get a hint. Characters seem very real, very authentic, very genuine. This is such a great movie. A master craft of horror.

9:39 PM: Mixed opinions on a v good scene

That scene with the sister was brutal, but that scare was fuckin awesome

9:46 PM: This is a calmer section. Good lore

Again another great lore establishment, a natural car convo where a bunch of shit was revealed about the creature and some things that might be argued as a weakness, covered up and also a possible weakness, it was a great natural way to do a exposition dump.

9:49 PM: Pleased but this scene was super scary

The scene where she talks to a previous victim is so fucking well done. The absolute, complete panic, her anger, all of it is incredible, not to mention the following scene where she imagines killing her patient is mortifying

9:56 PM: I have fully appreciated how good this movie is and have no idea how horrifying it’s about to be

The execution of the scene where the therapist turns out to be Smiley (the monster) was so incredibly well done, absolutely spectacular job. I was horrified but also super impressed from a film making standpoint

10:20 PM: I have realized how horrifying it is. I am yelling again.

THAT LAST TWIST WITH THE HALLUCINATION OF JOEL IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE OH MY GOD THAT IS AGONIZING ALSO THE COOLEST MONSTER REVEAL FUCKING EVER????

10:21 PM: I am resigned to the ending

And oh fuck she’s possessed Joel is cooked

10:22 PM: I have reached the end of my torture. Great movie. Going to see the sequel with a friend.

Oh my fucking god that ending. The scene where the monster crawls into Rose. Her suicide. Joel’s face. He knows he’s cursed. I need this sequel now. What a ending. What a movie. 10/10. This was great. I am devastated. Jesus shit

[shattered-catalyst]

OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person.  Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

 There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame.  The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

  We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

 Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

 For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

 Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD.  Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma. 

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

 Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening, 

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

 It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes. 

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs. 

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those.  Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear  a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’ 

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible. 

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

 It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

 However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

 Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness.  There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

 This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.  

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence. 

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

 Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities.  There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype. 

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD.  With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows. 

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day.  That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things. 

----------------------------------------------------------

Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

[screaming--agony]

I think when it comes down to it, if it weren't for Tumblr I probably would have killed myself by now. Yes some posts can be triggering but it's better to see it than do it. Besides, if you don't want to see anything, continue to scroll. Tumblr is also like therapy. Not everyone can afford professional help because it's expensive. Even if it is affordable doesn't mean the therapist actually cares about the patient; we're just dollar signs. Let me tell you from experience, going to a therapist who doesn't care or understand or listens only makes life so much worse. It made me feel like I'm not worth anything or deserve another breath of air because of a licensed professional doesn't care, why would anyone else? Some parents, the people who should care the most, just don't. Tumblr is also a Support Group, filled with people who follow others because they feel the same. Or just unfollow if it's not what they're interested in. The "No one understands" statement crosses out. Posts are reblogged because they understand, to any extent a depth no one has ever acknowledged. Those weird quirks you're insecure about, others feel too. For example, a random burst of pain in the ribcage is just underdeveloped to press a nerve and suggests a variety of ways to ease the pain. Tumblr People connect over how cruel and inhumane life is in War and Hate. Or how Mental Illness is an internal war just to function with others and survive as others call (Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, Schizophrenia, ADHD, PTSD) "Bat Shit Crazy" "Lazy" "Disconnected" "Monster" "Day Dreamer" (Eating Disorders) "Fat" "Skin and Bones". It also filled with love and happiness that some consider fairytales yet want to experience. Or anime, comics, or sketches that no one noticed before, now are appreciated and effects more than one person; like you did something worth while. Or Photography to capture rare encounters (Military, Snake fights, Cat scaring other cats, Weddings, Child Births, Sports Competitions, Bands, Art, Self Defense, Sunsets/Sunrises, Rare Smiles).

A community of acceptance with LGBT when the rest of the world despises.

People connect and understand. They follow and when someone has a bad day, a random anon sends a message of encouragement, acknowledges feelings, want updates on little things you thought were small (family/pet sickness, one day in a hospital, a baking experience gone wrong/success. Sometimes Friendships and Romance happens. Anonymous messages can save a life and no one would know if that person didn't feel comfortable to express their thoughts and emotions (Therapy and Support). Not to mention it provides vital information on different topics, like mental disorders AND coping mechanisms. Every day theres new information that regular schools and colleges don't normally touch base with. It's basically a social network of education, therapy, and unconditional support with minimal judgement. Yes some anon messages may be cruel but other people speak up and defend against Bullying. Tumblr is a place of solace. A safety net when someone feels alone and nonexistent and hopeless. It's a last ditch effort to let out what the mind refuses to express to others. It's the Therapy not-so-fortunate people can afford and know people actually care. Tumblr is more than pictures and words. It's where we don't feel alone. Tumblr allows strangers to unknowingly save lives.

[spawnspoke]

christmas is in 3 days and thats great and all but also christmas marks 6 months without my mom. half a year. thats not a long time in the grand scheme of things but im absolutely miserable. i cant keep living here, not even 15 feet away from where she died. my father doesnt seem to give that much of a shit anymore, and you would think his wife dying would make him more aware that im his child and should be treated better, but all he seems to be worried about is buying more and more guns and playing with his new motorcycle (despite having one already) and going to the bar every other night with some woman who bless her heart shes sweet but she has no idea what kind of a monster he is to me. its dreadful.

i keep hallucinating sounds that arent there. im that stressed out and anxious. i hear doors open and close, feet shuffle across the floor, i hear her laugh from the other room. i see things out of the corner of my eye, i think i see her, but its not. a ghost haunts my computer, my mother always watching from the contacts on facebook. her pictures in my files. i feel like im going insane. i keep getting visuals in my mind that arent on my own volition. i keep seeing my boyfriend dying. i keep seeing myself dying. i see my cat dying. i see burning alive and getting electrocuted and being ran over and being impaled and shot and hurt and death and i keep seeing nothing but death and tragedy and it wont stop. i have to beg my own mind to just stop, please, stop. i want to kill myself. i dont want to die. i want to kill myself. i dont want to die. i dont want to die. why do i say i want to kill myself? i want to die. no i dont. i do. i dont. im sorry. im sorry. im so sorry.

im sorry. i shouldnt be talking about this on social media. i dont have anywhere else to talk about this. i wish i did. but its better to say all this to people who will forget the next day than to say it to someone who will remember. because people who remember end up caring and i dont want people to care about me that much. im not good at talking. i dont like talking. people who care are most of the time people who talk. and i cant talk, i dont want to. theres few people i can talk to. theres a lot of people i could talk to, but few that i can. do you understand? i hope not. i dont want people to care about me. not that much. i wish i could see a therapist. i have no way to get there. i cant drive. i dont want to drive. if i try to drive ill probably end up killing myself in the process. im not capable. dont force me. ill hate you. im not fit for it. i cant hate people. i wish i could. it would make me a lot more capable of holding my own. but i cant. dont make me drive. ill try to hate you. my dad keeps joking about hitting me. i dont care if theyre just jokes. it scares me. you shouldnt joke about that. he finds it funny. i dont. i keep seeing myself getting hurt. i dont need that on my mind too. i dont want people to care about me.

he never takes me anywhere or does anything with me. he says that oh, well, he went to every single event my elementary school held when i was in it. im 20.

i wish i were 21. i want to drink to forget. im sorry.