#and then there's the anxiety of what happens if america fucks up and elects a fascist again. yeah if that happens i probably will die

[mirror-shards-broken]

🪴In times when everything feels overwhelming and your inner world is heavy, know that your strength is not defined by how you feel. Even if today feels dark, you’re still a person of immense value and worth. Take things one moment at a time, and remember that your existence has a quiet resilience. You are doing your beset, and something to be proud of🪴

im barely a person, but alright. thanks for the kind words, i guess

who are you, anyway? are you the same anon from the other emoji asks?

[bluedalahorse]

You know what? No wonder I was struggling to write fic this week.

Turns out it has very little to do with fic at all.

Life stuff beneath cut.

I’m not going to say too much about this because it is heavy and I don’t want to talk about these things on tumblr too much. For me, I curate tumblr as primarily a fandom and creative space. I know other people use theirs in other ways; I admire people who can use their tumblrs for politics and activism but so much of my career is wrapped up in those things I like. Need a space apart from My Paid Job, you know?

So. Speaking of my Paid Job. Today we had our usual weekly meeting of everyone getting together, and we had to discuss the plans for Election Week. We’ve been discussing our plans for the last few months, really, but this was the time someone finally voiced like, what if something happens? Like what if things get violent and we’re trapped at work, or someone violently attacks our workplace or something. Given my workplace, this is less likely than other places in the city, but also not like… not out of the realm of possibility that this would happen, given some of the people we’re connected to.

Our supervisor mentioned keeping a change of clothes and underwear at work, in case we’re stuck or locked down overnight or something. And she alluded to some of the advanced emergency training she has to do. Like, she didn’t go into all of it, but she did share the scary detail where like, she apparently knows how to shut down the HVAC system so if someone floods our vents with dangerous gas or chemicals, then it won’t be spread throughout the building. Or something like that. Which… what the fuck.

The scariest thing is that no matter the outcome of things a few weeks from now, I’m sort of taking for granted there will be violence in the city at some point. I am dreading it, if you could take the concept of dread and multiply it by a million. When I was in college I had friends from NYC who had fucked up memories and trauma around 9/11 in a way I couldn’t quite grasp as someone who was not from NYC. But now I have my own event—for me, that day was Jan 6. I know it was a fucked up day for all of us but for those of us who live here it like. Look. I know I am going to be unpacking what happened for years. I know people who live a few blocks from the Capitol who boarded up their windows ahead of time or left the city. I know someone who was in the Capitol and had to barricade herself in a room to stay safe from the rioters.

Anyhow. It helped to do some voter outreach this morning but I do think everyone in DC right now, or at least everyone at my workplace, is sort of like… cycling through trauma-fueled anxiety spikes, and I don’t mean that in a way where the internet sometimes overuses those words, I just… mean it. (I should probably plan for a tumblr hiatus around election week, because I’m not in a headspace to handle discourse about America whatever happens. The discourse should probably exist but it’s also probably better for me to not be around it.)

On top of that, my close person who lives with me is not home at present. And one of my other closest people is going through the worst time with her own living space. And everything feels very… off its routine.

I am going to try to maintain what routine I can for the time being, but damn do I wish there was some sort of clear and meaningful break in sight.

It really would be nice to be able to just think about writing Sara and August in situations.

[deathsmallcaps]

(USA based sorry)

I’m definitely speaking into an echo chamber but like.

Nearly every algebra student I tutor ends up with a word problem involving the gender wage gap. And they’re all confounded by it and have no clue.

And a guy in my fucking Calc 3 class was like “wait you guys were serious? That’s real?” When it came up. BRO YOU’RE ABOUT OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK???

It’s amazing what is and isn’t common knowledge. Feminist history isn’t taught past “and then women got their right to vote :)))))).” With occasional mentions of Title IX and the late 1900s waves of feminism. Of course only in in-depth history classes, not general Ed. Wow.

I am not in training to be a historian or a history teacher, but by all that is right in the world I hope it becomes more normalized and common to speak about shit that is LESS than 100 years ago in depth when it comes to American History & culture. Wtf. I swear even when I took AP history* the professor was afraid to touch on that stuff. For some reason (happily) my English teachers were a lot more willing to teach about modern history & minority stories.

And this is just what affects my white anglo cishetallo abled-passing housed female life personally. I cannot truly imagine the feeling of personal erasure & irritation one of comes to other identities & issues that have only relatively recently been resolved, addressed, acknowledged or even only pointedly ignored. I am fucking angry FOR you and can’t wait for things to change. You ALL deserve better. Don’t forget that.

It’s not your job to educate these people or their children (unless you’re literally a history teacher or something) but I want to shake the people who decide these what gets taught until the cowardice & insecurity & thoughtlessness & malice & election-based anxiety shits out of their assholes and leaves their hearts hungering for intelligent, thoughtful & interested discussions on modern issues and genuine history that should not be squeezed into the last pages of textbooks out of fear of offending paper white & paper thin pride.

Human rights deserve attention. Human rights should not have to be a radical talking point. It should be both as natural and expected as breathing clean air & as ingrained and knowable as to be accessible in math problems.

There is so much to be done. And it is exhausting. But please know that you are not alone.

*interesting tidbit below but basically irrelevant to the above post

I took AP america history to learn about the parts of American history that are never, or barely, covered in history classes throughout the grades. Basically, if it happened outside of the Puritans-WWII, it’s got a poor chance chance of in-depth coverage. And while the class did teach me good analysis skills and some interesting facts, it mostly covered the exact fucking periods I mentioned above.

And you know what? Literally right before we took the AP test, our teacher told us “study up on periods 2-7” (im pretty sure there are 9 periods of American history, forgive me it’s been like 5 years) “they never test on 1, 8 or 9”. Guess what the essay questions were on. And guess what time periods 1,8 & 9 are? If you posited precolonial america, the mid 1900s and modern day, ding ding ding you’re the winner! :))))))

(AP classes are worth it if you’re bored and/or trying to cut down on the amount of classes you’ll take in college & thus save money. But a lot (not all) of the AP certified teachers will try to convince you it’s the be all, end all of learning in high school. Also the weighted GPAs are a scam. No one looks at those. If you’re worried about keeping a good average, stick to the class level that fits within both circles of ‘not boring’ and ‘not going to wreck your life’. You can take an AP test and have it count and not take the class. Just be warned it is genuinely difficult.)

[femmmie]

THE ISLAND

Chapter 7: The inauguration

Read the whole fic on AO3

As Ian is about to be inaugurated as president of the USA, he reflects on how it could have ever gotten this far.

Author's note: I wrote this before the actual elections took a turn(tm). I hope nobody is offended!!

Author's note 2: this chapter is almost a carbon copy of my own daydream so of course pentatonix is there too lmao

Chapter word count: 1.528

Rating: general

Ian looked in the mirror of the hotel’s bathroom. His hair stuck to his forehead, his complexion paler than usual with a bit of a green hue to it. He ran back to the toilet again.

“Ffffuck. Fucking hell…”

Ian had always loved history. But he had never wanted to be part of it. And tomorrow, he’d be inaugurated as president of the United States of America.

Could he even be honest with himself at this point? He’d pushed his feelings away for so long. Few people knew his secret: he didn’t want to be president.

He sank onto the tiled floor. “How could I have let it get this far?” Head in hands, he silently cried.

It all started with a guy. Ian only vaguely remembered his name. He was still in high school. Being the class clown, he always tried to make people laugh. But there was one boy who laughed the hardest and did so at his every joke.

Ian remembered how that felt. It was like a drug. Fleeting, but oh so good. If he could get that guy to really lose it, throw his head back and fall out of his chair… That was a little piece of Nirvana right there.

After high school, he never saw him again. But he’d sharpened his skills a lot and thought about pursuing a career in comedy. Eventually though, he decided to do community organizing for his political party. And he became popular so fast that he rose through the ranks like it was nothing.

But he never heard that laugh again. And he kept trying to be funnier, to be more liked. In every crowd he addressed, he searched for that one voice. It nearly drove him insane. Or maybe it had, Ian didn’t know for sure, especially now.

Eventually , the president died of old age and a rushed primary was held. Pushed forward by his peers and the party alike, Ian threw his hat in the ring. He beat everyone in the debates, easily. Only after that had happened, did he realize what it would mean.

After flushing down the sick, he collapsed again. Tears streamed down his tired face.

“Oh god. I’m so alone…”

~

“Ian, you are ready for this,” Shayne and Courtney were trying to hype him up.

“You’ve really got this, buddy! You’ve done so well! This is your party, and everyone is coming wearing their best suit, trying to impress you.”

They were slowly driving through Washington.

“I know…” Ian was hyper-aware of the police parade in front and behind the car. He felt stuck. And even though he appreciated the effort, Shayne nor Courtney could get him out of his head.

The car stopped and as they got out of the car, the heat searing down like a heavy blanket, Ian looked up at the stately building. There was so much he had to do, and he probably only had a very short amount of time to do it.

As they reached the top of the stairs, Ian was greeted with a delegation of the former president. They shook hands ceremoniously and walked inside. Ian supported the widow of the former president as she had difficulty walking and was still overcome with grief.

Even though the hall was very large, it had a homely feeling with its red velvet floor and many tables. It was jam-packed with Ian’s party’s members and donors. The air was jubilant, not at all matching Ian’s dread and anxiety. He almost felt like throwing up again. Luckily, it was just a couple of burps.

He sat down, because there was a short musical performance preceding the inauguration. This was all Ian’s doing, he’d requested the group himself.

The buzzing of voices died down as six people walked in front of the crowd and underneath the red drapes. They began to sing. It was acapella. They had two bass singers. One had long hair and a long beard. The other’s hair was short and his beard trimmed. Even without amplification, they made the entire room vibrate pleasantly with their low tones. It eased at least a few of Ian’s nerves.

Then there was the baritone, a tall, blonde man with a raspy voice that you rarely found in acapella. He sounded like a rockstar. Yet, his voice blended in perfectly with the group.

A beautiful woman with shiny hair, colored in balayage, stood firmly on high heels. Still, she was the shortest one of them all. But her voice was big and strong, complimented perfectly by the velvety high tones of the countertenor, an angelic looking, slender brunette guy.

The beats were produced by a handsome black man beatboxing and clapping. It was mesmerizing how he could make himself sound just like several different kinds of drums and percussion.

Together, this group looked like a representation of America. Diverse, energetic, emanating positive energy. Ian wanted them here, for this moment, to convey his idea for the country.

They started with ‘Amazing Grace’. People were in ecstasy listening to the angelic voices of the singers. And the song was perfect for this audience. They ate it up.

But the group followed it up with Imagine by John Lennon. And with lyrics like “Imagine there’s no countries,” some people shifted awkwardly in their seats. Ian smirked when he noticed. He was glad they felt just a bit of unease.

But as the group sang the famous lines “be as one,” the six voices melted together, and formed a harmony so urgent, so commanding, it left the crowd completely silent, after which a big applause erupted. Ian smiled, content with the whole thing.

But now, it was his turn.

He tentatively stood up and slowly made his way up to the Chief Justice. He swallowed. He put his hand on the constitution, which lay on top of a mandatory bible. He repeated the words the justice told him, and that was it. Ian Hecox was now president of the United States.

People were about to commence the festivities, but Ian held up his hand.

“I’d like to take this opportunity, while all eyes are still on me…” His own words made him realize what he was doing. Everyone looked at him.

“As president of the United States, I am declaring a state of emergency-”

People gasped.

“That is twofold. Firstly, there is a health emergency going on in this country. Too many people die every day of preventable causes. And this is because healthcare is just too expensive. And unfairly so. So, I invoke section 1881A of the Affordable Care Act-”

More gasps.

“Which grants Medicare coverage for people exposed to environmental health hazards. Seeing as Covid has reached just about everyone in the country, not to mention a whole bunch of other toxic health hazards which affect our people every day, all American citizens are eligible for Medicare. Right now.”

There was complete silence except for some douchebag in the back who started to say “But who will pay fo-”

“Secondly, we are deep in the downward spiral of climate disaster. Our fellow citizens are dying from it every day. So, I’m declaring a climate emergency. I will hold a press conference on it later today.”

People were starting to buzz indignantly now.

“Thank you all for coming.”

Ian shut off the mic and walked straight to Shayne and Courtney, who shielded him from crowd and the press as they made their way outside again, into the car and to the White House.

“Ian, I had no idea you were planning all that,” Shayne said incredulously while they were driving. “That was… impressive.”

“Yeah… I am not sure when I’ll get murked for this, so I better act fast. Lots more things to do! Next on the list is Iran.”

“Iran?!”

“Yes! Get me on the phone with them as soon as you can!”

“Yes sir. Although I have to say…”

“What, Shayne?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t book Chumbawamba instead.”

~

Ian did not waste time marveling at the Oval Office. The place where all former presidents had made their most important decisions. He knew that time was running out for him, but he was determined to give it his all while he still could.

“Hello, this is president Hecox speaking. Yes, you are my first call indeed. So, uhm, about our nuclear deal…”

And thus, Ian’s short and let’s just say peculiar term began. He visited world leaders, ended wars and improved relations with most countries on terms that were favorable to the United States.

He issued some executive orders, he strong-armed congress and got them to vote for some very incremental improvements, it wasn’t much. But in terms of congress, it was really the best he could do.

His emergency-invoked orders were viciously attacked in the courts, and some had to be rolled back, but others remained in place.

Generally, the people loved him and were thankful he was facing the whole of the elite basically, to make life a little easier for the normal person. But if things were this easy, the world would be a better place already. Wouldn’t it?

[thoughtsbeewild]

Orange man better win the USA presidential election or all hope is lost, evil has won, cheaters, liars will overthrow honesty, truth and integrity for our countries.

I am counting down hoping a win... LIVING IN A LIBERAL BLUE STATE WITH THIS DICTATOR GOVERNOR.i know the difference , and trump is not what they say..

ANYWAY..SO DRIVING ON THE FREEWAY AND GUESS WHAT I SEE TRUMP 2024 BANNER STRAIGHT ACROSS THE FREEWAY..THAT SHIT SHOCKED THE FUCK OUT OF ME....we are in a blue state, liberal puppett hood bruh...HONESTLY I LOVED IT, IT WAS NICE TO SEE LIBERAL CITY LOVING TRUMP, THATS WHATS UP..I EVEN SAY A OLDIE CAR LIKE 1975, A CLASSIC OLDIE, HAVING A TRUMP FLAG BANNER ON THIER CAR..I LOVE IT AND MADE ME HAPPY YAY..

OMG BUT THE SCARIEST THING WHILE EXITING THE FREEWAY, I SHIT YOU NOT, ILLEGAL VENZULAN IMMIGRANTS , LIKE WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT..THIS FOOL CAME TO MY CAR WINDOW, I WAS SCARED AS FUCK, BEGGING FOR MONEY SINCE HIM AND HIS SONS ARE HOMELESS. MY CAR WINDOW WAS BRIEFLY DOWN BUT I GOT SCARED, DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AND PURPOSELY IGNORED THE ILLEGAL VENEZUELA IMMIGRANT..LIKE WTF TIME IT IS TO SEE THAT..

I BREIFLY READ THE SIGN BROWN CARDBOARD SIGN THEY WROTE IT SAID LOOKING FOR ANY TYPE OF WORK, WE ARE FROM VENEZUELA AND NEED WORK AND FINDING A HOME..HOLY FUCK..IM TELLING U TRUMP IS RIGHT...HIS CAMPAIGN MESSAGE IS COMING TO LIFE.. IF YOU READ MY PRIOR POST, VENZUELA IS LIKE MOST DANGEROUS CRIME COUNTRY, IF YOU TRAVEL THERE AUTOMATICALLY MEANS DEATH OF YOUR LIFE.

LATER THAT NIGHT I TRIED TO SLEEP, I WOKE UP WITH A NIGHTMARE OF THE SCARY VENZEULA HOMELSS FOLKS TRYING TO DO A BURGLARY OR BREAKING OR ENTERING..MY HEART WAS POUNDING WITH ANXIETY..I THEREFORE COULDNT SLEEP AFTER THAT, HAVING SOME FUCKED UP PARANOIA..

so fuck if orange doesnt win this UNITED STATES PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, WE ARE PRETTY MUCH FUCKED. HOPE IS GONE, I AINT GOING FUCK VOTE ANYMORE AFTER THIS , BECAUSE IT WILL BE POINTLESS KNOWING YOUR VOTE DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE THE END RESULT WILL BE RIGGED, CHEATED, MANipulated WITH THE HIGHEST PEOPLE IN POWER, THEREFORE YOUR VOTE IS VETO. EVIL, LIARS, CORRUPT, TWO FACE HAS WON, AND THERE NO HOPE FOR TRUTH, INTEGRITY ANYMORE IN UNITED STATES, THE COMPANIES/LEADERSHIP WE WORK FOR, THESE EVIL PEOPLE MAINSTREAM MESSAGES WILL CONTINUE TURN EVERYONE AGAINST EACHOTHER WHERE HUMANITY WILL DIE, WAR WILL HAPPEN AND AMERICA WITH ITS PLANET WILL BE DESTROYED WITH NON STOP DESTRUCTION... AS WE CALL IT THE END OF THE WORLD..

[myascarada]

I will never forget back in the day when I used to participate in local elections (before the plague anxiety and burnout got the better of me), when a group of women supporting Bernie were talking about how angry they would be if Hillary got the candidacy and that if she did then they simply wouldn't vote.

When I spoke up and told them that actually they should vote even if they don't get the candidate they wanted (because of the very real threat of Trump being elected instead) they responded with their WHOLE CHEST "if Hillary is chosen as the Democratic candidate then America deserve what happens when Trump is elected president."

And yeah boy did we get that. I think about those women every so often and I wonder if they're happy about how things turned out.

This isn't a fucking sports game, this isn't your side winning against another side, this is actual fascists being emboldened and empowered by actual fascists being elected into office.

right now it’s almost halfway through 2023, and 2024 is an election year in the US. I have started to see a growing proliferation of posts suggesting that there is no difference between the republican and democratic parties–the exact same kind of posts I saw an awful lot of before the last major election here. I am unfollowing folks who post or reblog these sort of posts, as I consider these posts to be fascist propaganda framed as leftist discourse, designed to suppress anti-fascist votes and voters. 

[thelittlepalmtree]

I cannot deal with the conversations around voting. Because every election, It's a bunch of people being like "I don't wanna vote!" At 1 point I was talking to someone and he said, "I don't vote because voting is the least you can do." And I was like. "Yes it is the least you can do so you should do it." And we just went back and forth like that.

And maybe it's just because I'm a teacher. And I am literally waiting through rivers of bullshit Every single fucking day to try to help these children have a fucking future. But I just don't understand how people are ignoring the reality so hard. I am not voting for democrats because I am like super enthusiastic about the democratic party. I like some democrats. But the system is broken. And we know it's broken. I am literally a public servant. And I am so deeply frustrated about the fact that whenever we talk about education. We're talking about bathrooms and fucking book burnings, I'm not the fact that we are in a national teacher shortage and have been for like ten years. Like I guarantee you, Every single family in america would be benefited right now by an infusion of funding into our education system. Education reform is the most kitchen table of kitchen table issues. What are most parents talking about with their children?

But we're not talking about that. Because politics these days is all about trying to keep a small group of people from fucking burning the whole country down. And you know what, It's fucking exhausting. But you don't just say ok i'm walking away let him burn it down. Cause then, Everything is burned down.

Like I really and truly and deeply understand the exhaustion. I am so exhausted. I do not like the way things are. And I do not think my vote is gonna make anything better. But y'all, I'm still gonna fucking vote. And i'm probably gonna fucking campaign. Not out of joy, Not out of excitement, But out of Pure anxiety and fear. And there is not a single issue, On which voting for a third party candidate Or not voting Will cause any improvement.

Everything that you do not like about joe biden, Will be worse if you choose not to vote. And the people who are talking to you about this, Are not people who can name the key, senators and key people in the house of representatives who are actually causing a lot of the problems. And please do not fucking talk to me about gaza. Because I am Egyptian. And I gave a shit about gaza way before most of you even heard about it. I have been pro palestine since I was a fucking child. And I am incensed and enraged an upset about everything that is happening. But there is nothing that I can do. There is nothing that you can do. And you can tell yourself that not drinking starbucks and being A fucking toddler about voting is gonna make you better than everybody else and somehow making not complicit. But you are complicit. Because if biden does not win, Say goodbye to gaza. Not only will it be that america did not stand up to israel. Not only will america be giving israel aid. You will not be safe, I will not be safe, In america. And everything that is happening in gaza, Will be expedited. Netanyahu is rooting for Trump. Your little self righteous Act of boycotting an election will do nothing. It will actively harm the people living in gaza. And that will be on you. Although I'm guessing that when that shit does happen. You're just gonna act like you're not responsible.

It's time to wake up. Being an adult is about making hard choices. And just because someone doesn't have a fucking gun to your head, Doesn't mean that there's not guns to other people's heads. The person most likely to vote for a democrat is a black woman. Do you think that black women vote for democrats at such a high rate? Because they just absolutely love grandpa Joe over there? No. They show up and they do it because they know there's no other choice. Everyone who is voting democrat knows, That there are people in the margins. And now life is not gonna get better anytime soon, That is just a fact. But, There is work we can do to make it not be as bad as quickly. An in that space is human lives. And if you decide to opt out, To just not participate, To decide that you're smarter than every other person, And take a little ego trip. That is your privilege talking, Or maybe just your stupidity. The person I see who talks the most about not voting and opting out, Is a white queer person. And this isn't anecdotal evidence we literally take a study every four years. More than that every year. So if you wanna stay home stay home. But think about who you're listening to.

[fizzycherrycola]

America & Canada, 1910s

Brotherly bonding, airplanes, and a future full of possibilities. Originally this fanfic was intended for a fanzine, however, I changed my mind at the last minute. Please enjoy!

Wingman

Ohio, USA; 26 July 1911

It’s warm, but not too much so. A wind glides over the Ohio farmland, caressing wheatfields, picking up bits of grass and straw, slipping between a wide crack in the barn doors and rustling Canada’s hair. He tucks a stray curl behind his ear, reminding himself for the third time this month that he should see a barber, or at least give it a quick trim himself.

That can wait, though. For now, he flips open the folded newspaper and spreads it over his lap.

‘Laurier Stumbles as Federal Election Looms Ahead’ 

The headline dominates the front page of the Toronto Star, bold letters weighing heavy with stamped ink across the flimsy newsprint. Canada sighs, thumbing the page corners of the three-day-old paper that he still hasn’t finished reading because his last attempt on yesterday’s train left him with a bout of motion sickness. He flips past the editorial fistfights over Reciprocity and glances briefly at America, who is too focused on tweaking his latest flying machine, bolts squeaking with every turn and tools clanking as they hit the floor, to notice his brother’s staring. And then he catches his fingers on what resembles a bicycle chain.

“Ow, fucking thing,” America hisses, shoving the injured digits in his mouth 

“Are you okay?” Canada asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” America grumbles, dismissively waving his greasy hand. “The chain drive can be a real pain sometimes. That’s not the first time it’s nicked me.”

“Need any help?”

“Nah, I’ve got it.”

“Are you sure?”

Without answering, America wipes his fingers on his oil-smudged overalls and dives back in, climbing between the massive canvas wings to reach an exposed motor near the centre of the craft.

Canada crosses his legs, leaning back in America’s creaky chair, the only one in this rickety barn-turned-workshop. A few years before, when news broke of the Wright Flyer’s success, America dropped all other hobbies to pursue machine-powered flight. And since then, he regularly insists that Canada should come witness his newest attempts at conquering the skies.

Currently, his feet are dangling over the edge of a wing. He’s likely going to be distracted for a while longer. Opening the newspaper to the international section, Canada resumes his reading.

‘Crisis in Agadir Intensifies; British PM Threatens Military Action’

Heart sinking, he groans. “Ah, geez....” Reluctantly, Canada scans the news story, each sentence laying a brick on his shoulders.

With fiery commentary, the article recants the crisis across the Atlantic, the most recent in a string of disputes between France and Germany. And Canada finds himself wondering, not for the first time, why England chose now to forge an alliance with his self-described ‘bitter rival’. Not that it’s Canada’s business, or that he’s unhappy about whatever accord they’ve reached. On the contrary, it’s quite nice to visit his guardian in London, find France there, and not have the scene devolve into a screeching maelstrom, but did it have to be now? With everything happening in the world, it feels almost like exchanging one type of chaos for another. Then again, as Scotland once mentioned, that’s par for geopolitics.

Eyes dragging down the grey column of text, Canada gnaws his lip, and there it is. ‘Britian to likely double demands for shipbuilding materials from across the empire as super-dreadnought class warships continue to dominate the naval arms-race.’ Groaning, Canada allows his face to fall into the paper, scratchy pulp crinkling against his glasses. “I don’t want to build any more boats,” he whines. “Can’t I just worry about an election instead of... twelve other things?”

Anxiety isn’t good for his health, but it’s difficult to relax when one’s days are spent making warships for a war that hasn’t come. There won’t be a war, though, will there? No, of course not. This is just how things are in Europe at the moment. Tense. Very much so. But, then again.... What if--

“Boo!”

Canada jumps. “Shit!” Legs shooting out, he topples over. Cobblestone meets his hip and elbow. The flimsy chair clatters in his wake.

“Woah!” America peers down at him, a goofy smirk stretching his features.  

“What-- Why did you...?”

“Hah! Sorry. You okay there? It’s not often that I hear you curse.”

“Well, you startled me, assho--…. Jerk.” Righting himself, Canada brushes the sawdust off his left side, giving one stubborn smudge a good smack.

“You looked so tense; I couldn’t help it! You were hunched over like a stone gargoyle.” America imitates the said statues by curving his back and making little claws with his fingers. “What’re you reading, anyway?”

“Oh,” Canada says as he gathers the scattered newspaper sheets. “Well, it’s... You see, it’s about the crisis in Agadir and I’m worried that-”

“The what in where?”

Canada blinks. “In Agadir. Haven’t you heard of it?”

“...Is Agadir one of Monaco’s cities?”

“What? No! It’s one of Morocco's.”

“Oh, okay” America chuckles. “Guess I got them mixed up.”

“And Monaco is a city-state, she doesn’t have any other cities.”

“Huh.” America glances up at the rafters, bottom lip firmly under his teeth. “That makes sense.”

Canada sighs, a long-suffering sound. “You should really pay more attention to what’s going on in Europe....”

“I do! Sort of. If it’s important.” Canada doesn’t glare, but he does wait patiently while staring pointedly at his brother. America shrugs. “All right, maybe I do get distracted sometimes, but can you blame me? Business is booming. I’ve got an economy to run and the inventions people are coming up with this century are way more fascinating than whatever’s happening in... where was it?”

“Agadir.”

“Right! You know what I mean, don’t you?”

“I do, but... Things aren’t exactly peaceful these days. I’m not sure that’s the right sort of attitude we should have, at the moment.”

‘We’, as in nations, of course. However, also as in brothers. As in two with everlasting ties across the Atlantic. But that part, Canada doesn’t say.

Wiping his messy hands with a towel, America turns away. “Listen... We’re flanked by oceans on both our east and west coasts. To your north, you have solid ice and to my south I’ve got Mexico, the entire Caribbean, and just... Europe is a world away.” Before Canada can internalise his sentiment, America changes tune. “Anyway, that’s not why we’re here in the first place. We’re here for flying machines and a good time, remember? Not politics.”

Fidgeting, a familiar tension in his shoulders, Canada nods. “I guess so. Yeah... Yeah, you’re right.”

His acceptance must have sounded more believable than it felt, because Alfred shoots him a smile. “Great. If you want, we can talk seriously later, but for now, the fixes are all done. Can you help me get this machine outside?” He jogs to the barn doors and drags their handles.

Pushing aside disappointment and adjusting expectations with a practised ease, Canada watches the doors open with a yawning creak.

Sunlight streams through the doors and loft windows, turning wooden walls to mustard, highlighting raw patches of damage caused by their owner’s contraptions. A scrape from a propeller blade, a dark stain from a splatter of engine grease; and against them are piled a plethora of building materials. Aluminium sheets, timber, and spools of cord replacing the livestock that once slept there.

Weaving between the mess of scraps, Canada reaches the left wing, grabs its canvas surface and when America arrives on the right side of the machine, they start pushing. It’s shockingly light, for being so large. A double-winged craft with two propellers, some type of tail, and a set of smaller wings on the front that stick out.

“Do you think this one will work?” Canada asks, partially to distract his anxieties, but also genuinely curious; wholly lost as to how this machine is meant to work.

“Definitely,” America responds. “It’s based on everything I’ve read about the Wright brothers’ flyer. Those two really know what they’re doing.” 

“You copied them?” 

“Of course not! I just took a bit of inspiration from their design. There wasn’t much to copy, anyway. They’ve been very secretive about their new machine. It’s a little annoying.” 

The corners of Canada’s lips tug upwards. “So, you tried to copy them, but couldn’t find enough information to do it.” 

“Shh!” 

America previously attempted flight with a few of his own unique contraptions. Most ended without major consequence, dying in the early testing stages when the odd machines simply broke apart when travelling faster than a brisk walk. Others, however, were disastrous, like when he tried launching his small glider off the top of a moving automobile and spent a week in hospital with a shattered spine. 

“I liked the one you built that had propellers stacked on top of each other, and instead of flying, it just bounced around the field.” 

America pouts. “Hey! That one was based on a design by Da Vinci, so it’s his fault that it didn’t work, not mine.” 

“It was the funniest one you made.” 

“Buddy, I am working on scientific miracles out here. They aren't always going to be graceful works of art.” America catches his gaze between the wire bracing. “And by the way, if you keep pulling my leg, I’m gonna launch you instead of this flyer.” 

Canada’s smile broadens. He shoves the machine and relishes the dust its wheels kick up – glad that he left his good clothes at home, the fancy suits and shoes that come courtesy of England’s pocketbook. Throwing his back into it as the sharp aroma of fertile farmland slams his nostrils on a long, sun-swept day; there are few things as satisfying as this.  

The flyer exits the barn, barely. Its wide wings graze the doorframe, but when it’s out, it greets an open field. Wind glides in from the West, swinging the weathervane atop America’s farmhouse and tugging insistently on the canvas wings. The two brothers take it a bit further, several metres before a gentle dip in the terrain.

“Okay, stand back!” America calls.

Canada does and his brother hops into the hip cradle, lying flat. In short seconds, he has the propellers spinning, the engine sputtering. Sluggish at first, then faster. And faster. Canada squints against the machine’s gust and watches it roll forward, accelerating towards the hill, a big craft carrying bigger dreams. Could this be the one that finally flies? Maybe... maybe?

He holds his breath, eyes wide. Great, white wings reach the edge of the slope, tilt up. So slightly, and then. It sinks, disappearing behind the hill. Canada’s heart drops.

He swears and dashes after his brother. God forbid he has to drag America to the hospital a second time. The machine swerves, skidding down the incline, but to its credit, doesn’t tip over or combust. Instead, it settles to a jerky stop in a patch of tall grass.

Canada jogs over, making it in time to see the propellers slow, engine going quiet.

“Fuck,” America bursts as he stumbles out of the cradle.

“What happened?” Canada asks, noting that America is uninjured.

“It’s the damn wind,” America gripes. “That ridge is North facing, but the wind is pushing West, so I had to fight it with the controls, and I couldn’t generate enough lift.”

“At least, you can be glad you didn’t crash.”

“Yeah, that’s great,” America sighs, sarcastically. “At least it wasn’t a total catastrophe, right?”

Canada frowns. “America.”

“Sorry. I just... it’s frustrating. That’s all.”

Pausing, Canada studies his brother, how America’s shoulders droop and his sky-blue eyes fixate on the ground. “You care about this a lot, don’t you?”

Rather than answer, America shoves his hands in his pockets and kicks a stone, looking 200 years younger. An expressive boy, always running faster than England could catch him, faster than Canada could challenge him, and faster than his own legs could carry him. Canada chews his lip. “If you had a North wind, would that be better?”

“That would be fantastic. It’d help me speed up, but I can’t control the weather.”

“Well, if you just need to go faster before um....”

“...Before lifting off the ground?”

“Yeah.” Canada points at the flying machine. “If it’s just that, then maybe I could push this tail part here-”

“The rudder.”

“-while you’re working the controls, and then, maybe you’d have enough speed?”

America hesitates, scratching the back of his neck. “I appreciate the offer, but... I kind of want to do this myself.” Canada’s frown deepens. “Dragging it out of the barn,” America continues, “is one thing. The flight test though, that’s, y’know... that’s the real deal! If I can’t do it myself, then....” 

The tension in Canada’s shoulders returns. “I may not know much about flying machines, but I do know that there are two Wright brothers. They didn’t work alone.”

“But I’ve been trying to get these machines working for years, this is like a milestone for me! It’s important.”

“I know it’s important to you! That’s why I want to help!”

America blinks. His mouth hangs open, trying to form words, but failing, whereas Canada’s jaw snaps shut. Impatience fizzling to shame, because shouting is awful and he’s never liked doing it, never liked hearing it from others, but sometimes with America, it’s the only way to get him to listen.  

Sighing, America glances away, looking everywhere except at his brother. His gaze lands on the flying machine, sitting silent in the grass. 

“...All right, let’s do it.” 

“Really?” 

“Yup!” America shrugs, already marching toward the machine. “We’ll give it a try.” 

They manoeuvre the craft out of the thicket and cart it up the slope in uneasy silence. Once back to its starting position, America begrudgingly points to where Canada can grab and push, an area of the rig that won’t interfere with the complex turning system. Then, he hops in the hip cradle and again brings the motor to life. 

This close to the propellers, they feel like storm winds, whirring with energy.  

Canada’s eyes water, dust hitting his glasses and spraying his front. He braces and thrusts, fingers wrapped tight around the wooden poles, putting one foot in front of the other, striving for momentum. He’s jogging, then he’s sprinting. Shoes slamming the earth, the tail starts to drift away from him, faster than he can run. With a grunt, he gives one final push from his core, throwing his strength through his shoulders and into his hands. 

The weight of the machine vanishes. He trips, fists and elbows hitting dry soil. Head snapping up to watch America go, but there’s only a blur of ivory against the cerulean sky, and Canada furiously wipes his dusty glasses. Then, he sees it.

America’s machine is soaring. It drifts through the air, straight and true, hovering about three metres off of the ground. Canada watches, stunned silent, as it glides into the distance, its little motor humming, stalwart and solid, without faltering and without breaking. The craft banks gently, turning with the smooth grace of an eagle, floating above shrubs and fencing, circling the field to pass over a dirt trail to the main roadway. And it's shocking, how easily it seems to fly, when so many inventors and visionaries could only do so in their dreams. 

Eventually, the white canvas wings land a good distance away, in the centre of the pasture.

Canada scrambles to his feet, barely registering that his limbs are shaking. Heart as light as a feather, bursting with all the energy in the world, he runs to meet his brother.

America tumbles out of the plane, jumps up, and booms with a voice loud enough to cross the Atlantic. “Did you see that?!”

“You did it!” Canada cheers, barrelling towards him.

A few more steps and America sweeps Canada into a big, bone-crushing hug. “Thank you so much, buddy!” He’s bouncing and spinning around like a carnival carousel, making Canada’s head swim. “I’m sorry I made a fuss. You were right, I just needed an extra push! That’s all it was, and I was flying!”

In a minute, Canada may be sick from the spinning, but for now, his smile is hurting his cheeks. The robust pressure from America’s arms and the sunshine warmth of his giddy laughter takes him back, centuries ago, when they were children playing in the wilderness. Sneaking out without their guardians’ permission to sing and laugh with a kindred spirit. A brother. A twin.

When America finally puts him down, Canada stumbles. “Hang on, I’m dizzy,” he murmurs, spreading his arms to regain balance.

“Are you all right, there?” America chuckles.

“Yeah, just give me a second.”

“Wow, you’ve got, uh....”

“Huh?”

Reaching out, America wipes Canada’s forehead. A cloud of dust falls into Canada’s face and he squints, almost sneezing. Then, America presents his palm and fingers, coated with rusty soil.

“You’re covered in dirt!” he howls. Canada looks himself over, seeing that his soft-collar shirt and cottonade pants are hidden beneath a layer of Ohio dust. “England didn’t buy you these clothes, did he?”

“Nah, not these.”

“Okay, because I was gonna say, he’d be fuming if you did this to something he bought you.”

Canada grins. “I’d just say it was your fault.”

Snickering, America helps him dust off, patting his back and shaking most of the dirt off his clothing. When Canada is moderately clean, he suggests they get food; it’s past lunchtime. Never one to turn down a meal, America pats his stomach and heartily agrees. They store the precious, genius, and fantastic machine in the barn for safekeeping. All the while, America sings its praises, going on and on about how wonderful it felt to pilot, how he’s never felt freer in his whole life. He also brags a little, mentioning his desires to show it off to everyone they know, including ‘those geezers’ in Europe.

On their way to the farmhouse, Canada remembers the headlines he read in his newspaper, probably because America mentioned Europe, but also, because his concerns rarely leave him for long. Worriment needles at his happy thoughts like a splinter under his skin and a question builds in his lungs.

“Hey, America?” Canada asks. 

“Yeah?” 

“If I was in trouble, would you come to help?”

America stumbles, before balking. “What? What kind of trouble?”

Thinking carefully, Canada knits his brows. There may be a war, but also, there may not. All of Europe’s intricate alliances could end in a trade dispute, a blockade, or an embargo. The future is nigh impossible to predict, and sadly, no breed of immortality comes packaged with the gift of prophecy.

“Just... any kind of trouble.”

America studies Canada, eyes flicking over his face, searching. “Are you okay? Is there something bad happening right now?”

“Not right now, but in the future, maybe.” Canada shies away, feeling silly under the scrutiny. “I don’t know.”

“What are you worried about?”

Canada shrugs.

Quiet settles in, snatching America’s boisterous laughter and Canada’s happy mood, and in the contrast, Canada suddenly realises how amicable they’ve been today. Things haven’t been this nice between them in a long while, not since America left during his Revolution.

“I would,” America murmurs. Then, louder, a declaration. “Of course, I would!”

Canada jumps. His brother’s gaze is firm, his lips, curved with worry. America steps closer and surges on. “Why do you even need to ask? We share the longest border in the whole world and you’re the only person I call my brother; there’s no one else, just you. And I feel comfortable doing that because we grew up together and because I like you. I like wasting time with you. I like showing you my inventions because you’ll listen to me ramble and then you’ll take me to the hospital when I crash. You joke around with me, you make me feel relaxed, and I can open up with you, in a way that I never can when I’m with someone else. Canada, you’re my best friend! So, whenever you’re in trouble, no matter what it is, you can tell me! Tell me and I’ll help however I can.” 

America rests a hand on Canada’s shoulder, squeezing it gently, and the determination, the dedication in his voice makes Canada’s chest hurt. “Okay?” 

Eyes stinging, Canada swallows around the knot in his throat. “Okay.”

America beams, banishing the gloom and darkness with effortless ease.

They amble their way to the idyllic farmhouse and Canada allows his heart to rest. It's amazing how far they’ve come from where and who they were a hundred years ago. Somehow, from opposing sides in a war, they drifted closer. In a slow pattern of chance encounters that turned to visits, to friendly invitations, to weeks spent munching on apple pies, to early morning pancakes, and to daydreaming of flying machines.

Canada watches his brother’s broad frame leap up the porch steps two at a time, wind tousling his hair, and hopes that this harmony may endure for centuries to come.

End / Fin 

~~~

Author’s Notes

Laurier, as in Wilfred Laurier, was Canada’s Prime Minister from 1896 – 1911. He lost his re-election a couple months after our story takes place.

The Agadir Crisis was one of several events that occurred in the lead up to WW1. It resulted in stronger ties between France and the UK, and further damaged the already strained relationship between the UK and Germany.

The naval arms race was between Germany and the UK. Each side tried to build bigger and better warships at a faster rate than the other. The super-dreadnought class of ships were some of the most advanced navy vessels at the time.

Early flying machines were wild, dangerous, and unregulated. Many inventors lost their lives during flight tests. It was sort of the “wild west” of engineering.

Leonardo Da Vinci designed his own flying machines way back in the 15th and 16th centuries. He designed ornithopters, gliders, and parachutes, but the one our characters talk about is the Aerial Screw, which, along with the Chinese bamboo-copter toy, acted as a precursor to modern helicopters.

[futurebicon]

Warning- mentions of homophobia, gay rights being taken, semi-panic attack, crying.

⚠️ Please, please, please be careful with reading this fic. Thinking about it gives me anxiety and writing it helps me but please be careful and read the warning. And if you are able to vote please vote. This election is the biggest election in US history and the results could change everything⚠️

Angsty angst because I’m currently scared of my rights being taken away. We love living in America.

“Re” Sirius paled as he looked at his phone.

“What, baby?” Remus asked, stopping his conversation with Lily. “Woah, are you okay?” He asked when he saw his pale face.

Sirius just shook his head and continued to stare at his phone.

Remus grew concerned and took his phone out of his hand gently. “Oh god” he gasped when he saw the news article.

There was a crash from the living room, causing everyone to jump and run towards the sound.

Finn was breathing heavily, his face red with anger, a broken glass on the floor. Logan mirrored Sirius, frozen in shock, his eyes holding a dazed look. Leo had tears streaming down his face, shaking his head in disbelief.

“They- they can’t do that right? I-it’s the states choice.” Logan looked up at Sirius and Remus.

“I don’t know. Apparently they can.” Remus shook his head, pulling a still frozen Sirius into his chest.

“What’s going on? What happened?” James asked.

“Gay marriage and adoption is now illegal in the United States. Anyone who was previously married, their marriage isn’t eligible.” Logan said in a monotone voice.

“What?” Lily asked in shock.

“I’m so sorry” Dumo gasped.

“It’s not fair” Sirius spoke for the first time. “It’s not fair”

“It’s not fucking fair at all” James shook his head.

Sirius turned his head into Remus’s chest. “It’s not fair” he sobbed.

“I know, I know it’s not.” Remus began to cry as he held him tightly.

“Everything I love I lose.”

“Hey, no. I’m still here. You didn’t lose me.” Remus reminded him gently.

“All I wanted was to marry you and have a family with you and now-” he sobbed harder.

“We love each other, a piece of paper isn’t going to change that.”

“Yes it does. Yes it does” he sobbed.

“Shh, shh. Breathe, baby. It’s going to be okay. Everyone’s going to protest this, they might change it back” Remus tries to comfort him as Sirius began to hyperventilate. “Breathe, Si. It’ll be okay.”

“It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. ITS NOT FAIR.” He shouted.

“I know it’s not, I know it’s not. God, I know it’s not. Shh, shh. Please breathe baby. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

Sirius continued to sob and hyperventilate, seemingly unable to hear his boyfriend. He let out a scream of pure pain and let his knees give out. Remus caught him and sat on the floor beside him.

“God, baby” Remus sobbed at the sound. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He looked around and saw the Cubs sobbing and holding each other tightly. The team all had tears falling down their faces.

“It’s not fair, it’s not fair. It’s not fair” Sirius whispered as he grew exhausted.

“I know baby. I know it’s not.”

“What difference is there between me loving you and me loving a girl?”

“There’s no difference, my love. People are just too hateful to see that.” Remus wrapped his fingers around his curls.

“I want to get married. I want a family. Why can’t I have that?”

“You can. You can. We can just say we’re married, a piece of paper can’t decide that. We can get a surrogate to have a family. Love, you can have that. We can have that.”

Sirius shook his head. “It’s not the same.”

“It’s close enough.” Remus kissed his head.

“But what if they make other laws. The gay panic law is still legal in our state. If someone kills us because they think we’re flirting with them the law says it’s self defense. What if they make more laws like that? People already hurt us and kill us because of who we love. It’ll get so much worse if they repeal the laws.” Sirius had calmed down, twirling the strings of Remus’s hoodie between his fingers.

“Don’t say that. Please don’t say that” Remus shook his head, unable to handle thinking of Sirius getting hurt or worse.

“There are going to be riots about this. They’re going to repeal it, they have to. And the election is in a few weeks. If he’s voted out, they’ll repel the law.”

“It’s not going to matter who wins. It’s the Supreme Courts decision and over half of the judges are for the law. They created the law. They won’t vote it out.”

“Okay. If that happens than it happens. It’s not going to change the fact that we love each other. It’s not going to change the fact that even if we can’t make it official we can still get married. It doesn’t change the fact that there are other ways we can have kids. It doesn’t change anything. Yes, it hurts so god damn much that this is how our future has to be. But it’s still our future” Remus pulled away so he could look into Sirius’s tear filled grey eyes.

“We’re going to be okay, Sirius. We’re going to be okay” he placed a kiss onto Sirius’s forehead. “I love you”

“I love you too” Sirius whispered back.

This made me cry

@lumosinlove

Send any prompts

[missfay49]

Who is Orange?

Disclaimer: Please enjoy?  Accept?  Beware?  This… Thing that started out as character analysis and turned into a deranged fanfic, because I experienced a literal revelation mid-way through free writing.  I did not clean this up much because I’m still reeling from the theory implications myself.  I cursed a lot.

~

What does Orange Side represent?

What do we know?

Orange is a “Dark Side”, defined as being one of the Sides hidden from C!Thomas.

The other Hidden Sides were Janus, Remus, and Virgil.

All the Hidden Sides were hidden due to a key aspect of their character that C!Thomas had to first acknowledge and then accept.  Virgil required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had heightened anxiety and accept that anxiety isn’t inherently wrong, just a different form of information that can be processed.  Remus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had intrusive thoughts and accept that those thoughts don’t make him evil; they’re just thoughts.  Janus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he was capable of lying and accept that acting “selfishly” sometimes isn’t just okay, but actually critically important to managing stress.

 What are the common themes here?  

Confronting the reality about ourselves instead of pretending some traits don’t exist.

Understanding ourselves to be more complex than ‘good’ and ‘evil’.

Addressing mental health.  

Orange Side is still hidden, but we can expect him to be something C!Thomas doesn’t want to (or isn’t ready to) acknowledge.  Something that would be difficult to accept about oneself.  All Hidden Sides fall under the jurisdiction of Janus, so let’s take another look at him.

In “Can Lying Be Good?” we get a lot of information about what Janus’ purpose is:

Roman: It you really don’t want to know something, he… can keep our mouths shut.

Logan: You don’t want to believe it.  That’s where his power comes from.  Things that you want to believe.  Things that you wish were true.  And things that you wish weren’t.

Deceit: What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

This all means that Orange Side is something that would cause C!Thomas distress to learn and something he subconsciously wishes weren’t true.  This is not new information to most of you: the spin-off interpretations of Apathy and Pride are widely popular fandom theories, traits that are typically viewed as negative in large doses.

But the Hidden Sides being seen as something negative isn’t their only defining characteristic.  They typically involve an aspect a mental health, involve societal expectations, and... what is it...

Janus is the umbrella over all the other Hidden Sides, sheltering and obscuring them from view. He is the gatekeeper in a very literal sense.  What is he gatekeeping?  

What is it?  What is it what is it, why?  What does he do?  What seems bad but isn’t?  What can he do?  What issue is actually useful?  What’s useful what’s useful WHATS USEFUL WHATS USEFUL?!  WHY DOES IT HAVE TO USEFUL?

shitshitSHITSHISTHISTSTs

I KEPT ASKING MYSELF, WHAT’S USEFUL?  WHAT TRAIT COULD IT BE THAT APPEARS BAD, BUT ISN’T BAD, IS ACTUALLY USEFUL.  ANIEXTY WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE WAS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR US.  LYING WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO PUT C!THOMAS FIRST.  INTRUSIVE CREATIVITY WAS OKAY BECAUSE DARK IDEAS OPEN UP NEW PATHS.

But the whole GODDAMN POINT is ACCEPTANCE!  

You don’t HAVE to be useful to be accepted.  You – yuo just BE.  YOU BE!

PEOPLE don’t have to prove their Usefulness to you before you can treat them with respect.  Our WORTH does not depend on what we PRODUCE. YE GODS, THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE I JUST BROKE-

~~~

C!Thomas comes back from his self-care stay-cation.  He’s ready to start production, he is rested and refreshed.  BUT JUST LIKE EVERY PREVIOUS DILEMMA, it isn’t Good enough, Original enough, Fast enough.  He’s done everything right, why is it still wrong?  He’s accepted his anxiety, he’s accepted that things aren’t just black and white, he’s Accepted That It’s OKAY to have Dark Thoughts, he Has ACCEPTED SELF_CARE.  Why Isn’t IT ENOUGH?!

“Fuck it.”  

C!Thomas spins in his chair, looking at a man that looks just like him, but not quite.

“What?”

“Fuck it.  Fuck them.”

“You sound like Remus,” Thomas jokes.  He’s lying, of course.  He’s nervous. The Side looks like a normal guy, but something about him is unsettling.  The unidentified Side just presses his lips together, unimpressed.

“Um, ef w-who, exactly?” Thomas asks, but part of him already knows.

“All of them.  Every person who isn’t you.  Every person who expects something from you.”

“Now, you sound like Janus.” Thomas looks back at the computer screen, but the Side’s retort has him spinning around again.  

“Janus is a short-sighted pseudo-rebellious minion of a capitalistic society, just like the rest of them.”

“Uh, excuse me?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? They’re all obsessed with Success. Whether they want to play by the rules, or manipulate them, or break them, whether it’s making money or pumping out good deeds, they’re still just trying to make you be successful within the framework of a system that prioritizes production over a human life.”

Thomas just stares for a moment before he can find his voice.

“Who are you?”

“Dude, seriously?”  He waves his hands, palms up and presenting himself.  “I’m Achilleus.  I’m your motivation.”

~~~

Take a deep breath and follow me down the research black hole, where every topic I looked up was more and more terrifyingly appropriate: 

Freedom

noun

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

Self-Determination

noun

the process by which a person controls their own life.

Autonomy

noun

(in Kantian moral philosophy) the capacity of an agent to act in accordance with objective morality rather than under the influence of desires.

Autonomic Nervous System (because i believe each Hidden Side is closer to the subconscious)

noun

the part of the nervous system responsible for control of the bodily functions not consciously directed, such as breathing, the heartbeat, and digestive processes.

Inherent Value

“inherent value in the case of animal ethics can be described as the value an animal possesses in its own right, as an end-in-itself” – Animal Rights – Inherent Value, by Saahil Papar

Intrinsic Value

“Intrinsic value has traditionally been thought to lie at the heart of ethics. Philosophers use a number of terms to refer to such value. The intrinsic value of something is said to be the value that that thing has “in itself,” or “for its own sake,” or “as such,” or “in its own right.”” – Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Value, by Michael J. Zimmerman and Ben Bradley

“Finally, his sense of respect for the intrinsic value of entities, including the non-sentient, is the Kantian notion of the inherent value of all Being.  This is based on the notion that a universe without moral evaluators (e.g. humans) would still be morally valuable, and there is no reason not to regard Being as inherently morally good.” – Technology and the Trajectory of Myth, by David Grant, Lyria Bennett Moses

Motivation

“Another way to conceptualize motivation is through Self-Determination Theory … which is concerned with intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.  Intrinsic motivation happens when someone does something for its inherent satisfaction.” – Second Language Acquisition Myths: Applying Second Language Research to Classroom Teaching, by Steven Brown, Jenifer Larson-Hall

Capitalism

“The flowery language of the United States Declaration of Independence would have you believe that human life has an inherent value, one that includes inalienable rights such as “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” But in America, a major indicator of value is actually placed on being a productive member of society, which typically means working a job that creates monetary revenue (especially if the end result is accumulated wealth and suffering was inherently involved in the process).” – The Diminished Value of Human Life in a Capitalistic Society, by Seren Sensei

Religion

“At the heart of the debate between Calvinism and Arminianism lay the insurmountable chasm between God’s sovereign election versus human self-determination.” – Sovereignty vs. Self-determination: Two Versions of Ephesians 1:3-14, by Reformed Theology

Mythology

“In Classical Greece, Achilles was widely admired as a paragon of male excellence and virtue. Later, during the height of the Roman Empire, his name became synonymous with uncontrollable rage and barbarism… He chooses kleos (glory) over life itself, and he owes his heroic identity to this kleos. He achieves the major goal of the hero: to have his identity put permanently on record through kleos…

“But is this really an accurate characterization of Achilles' pivotal decision? Is he really driven to sacrifice his life by an obsessive quest for honor and glory? One scene in the Iliad suggests the answer to both questions is no.

“When Achilles leaves the battlefield after his dispute with Agamemnon, the Trojans gain the upper hand on the Greeks. Desperate to convince their best warrior to return, Agamemnon sends an envoy of Achilles' closest friends to his tent to persuade him to reconsider his decision. During this scene, Achilles calmly informs his friends that he is no longer interested in giving up his life for the sake of heroic ideals. His exact words are below:

“The same honor waits for the coward and the brave. They both go down to Death, the fighter who shirks, the one who works to exhaustion (IX 386-388)…

“Not only does Achilles reject the envoy's offers of material reward, but he rejects the entire premise that glory is worth a man's life.” – making sense of a hero’s motivation, by Patrick Garvey

Achilles (/əˈkɪliːz/ ə-KIL-eez) or Achilleus (Ancient Greek: Ἀχιλλεύς, [a.kʰilˈleu̯s])

Achilles realizes his own inherent self-worth, thereby freeing himself from the expectations of others; societal or otherwise.  Only once we are free can we find the balance between our own needs and the needs of others in a way that breeds neither anger nor resentment in either.

~~~

But that’s... that’s just... a theory.   Huh.

[thekillerssluts]

The Story Behind Every Song On Will Butler’s New Album Generations

Will Butler has a lot on his mind. It has, after all, been five years since his solo debut, Policy. A lot can happen in half a decade, and a lot has happened in this past half-decade — much of it quite dire. Butler was in his early 30s when Policy came out, and now he’s closing in on 40. He’s a husband and father. And he’s shaken by the state of the world, the idea of being an artist and a soon-to-be middle-aged man striving to guide his family through the chaos.

At least, that’s how it comes across through much of Generations, his sophomore outing that arrives today. Generations is a big, sprawling title by nature, and the album in turn grapples with all kinds of big picture anxieties. Mass shootings, the overarching darkness and anxiety of our time, trying to reckon with our surroundings but the system overload that occurs all too easily in the wake of it. Then there are more intimate songs, too, tales drawn from personal lives as people plug along just trying to navigate a tumultuous era.

Butler is, of course, no stranger to crafting music that seeks to parse the cultural moment and how it impacts in our daily lives. Ever since Arcade Fire ascended to true arena-rock status on The Suburbs 10 years ago, they have embarked on projects that explicitly try to make sense of our surroundings. (Not that their earlier work was bereft of heavy concepts — far from it — but Reflektor and Everything Now turned more of a specific eye towards contemporary ills and trials.) But as one voice amongst many in Arcade Fire, there is a cinematic scope to whatever Butler’s playing into there.

On Generations, he engages with a lot of similar concerns but all in his own voice — often yelping, desperate, frustrated then just trying to catch a breath. Butler leans on his trusty Korg MS-20 throughout Generations, often giving the album a synth-y indie backdrop that allows him to try on a few different selves. There are a handful of surging choruses, “la-la” refrains batting back against the darkness, slinking grooves maybe allowing someone the idea of brief physical release amidst ongoing strife.

Ahead of Generations’ arrival, Butler sent us some thoughts on the album, running from inspiration between the individual tracks to little details about the arrangement and composition of different songs. Now that you can hear the album for yourself, check it out and read along with Butler’s comments below.

1. “Outta Here”

I think this is the simplest song on the record. Just, like, get me out of here. Get me fucking out of here. I’m so tired of being here. No, I don’t have another answer, and I don’t expect anything to be better anywhere else. But, please, I would like to leave here.

I can play plenty of instruments, and can make interesting sounds on them, but kinda the only instrument I’m good at is a synth called the Korg MS-20. That’s the first sound on the record. It makes most of the bass you hear on the record. It’s a very aggressive, loud, versatile machine, and I wanted to start the record with it cause I’m good at playing it and it makes me happy.

2. “Bethlehem”

This song partly springs from “The Second Coming” by William Butler Yeats:​ “What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?” Like a lot of folks, I woke up after the election in 2016 mad and sad and scared and exhausted. This song is born of that emotion.

My bandmates Jenny Shore, Julie Shore, and Sara Dobbs sing the bridge, and it’s a corrective to my (appropriate?) freaking out — this isn’t the apocalypse. You’re misquoting Yeats. Get your fucking head on straight. History has not ruptured — this shit we’re in is contiguous with the shit we’ve been dealing with for a long, long time. But still, we sometimes do need an apocalyptic vision to make change. Even if it’s technically wrong. I dunno. It’s an ongoing conversation.

There’s a lot of interplay with backing vocals on this record — sometimes the narrator is the asshole, sometimes the backing vocals are the asshole. Sometimes they’re just trying their best to figure out the world. This song starts that conversation.

3. “Close My Eyes”

I tried to make these lyrics a straightforward and honest description of an emotion I feel often: “I’m tired of waiting for a better day. But I’m scared and I’m lazy and nothing’s gonna change.” Kind of a sad song. Trying to tap into some Smokey Robinson/Motown feeling — “I’ve got to dance to keep from crying.”

There’s a lot of Mellotron on this record, and a lot of MS-20. This song has a bunch of Mellotron strings/choirs processed through the MS-20. It’s a trick I started doing on the Arcade Fire song “Sprawl II,” and I love how it sounds and I try to do it on every song if I can.

4. “I Don’t Know What I Don’t Know”

This makes a pair with “Close My Eyes” — shit is obviously fucked, but “I don’t know what I don’t know what I don’t know what I can do.” I’m not a proponent of the attitude! Just trying to describe it, as I often feel it. In my head, I know some things that I can do — my wife Jenny, for instance, works really hard to get state legislatures out of Republican control. Cause it’s all these weirdo state legislative chambers that have enormous power over law enforcement, and civil rights, and Medicaid, and everything.

The image in the last verse was drawn from the protests in Ferguson in 2015: “Watch the bullets and the beaters as they move through the streets — grab your sister’s kids — hide next to the fire station…” It’s been horrifically disheartening to see the police riot across America as their power has been challenged. I’ve got a little seed of hope that we might change things, but, man, dark times.

More MS-20 bass on this one, chained to the drum machine. This one is supposed to be insanely bass heavy — if it comes on in a car, the windows should be rattling, and you should be asking, “What the heck is going on here?” Trying for a contemporary hip-hop bass sound but in a way less spare context. First song with woodwinds — rhythmic stuff and freaky squeals by Stuart Bogie and Matt Bauder.

5. “Surrender”

This song is masquerading as a love song, but it’s more about friendship. About the confusion that comes as people change: Didn’t you use to have a different ideal? Didn’t we have the same ideal at some point? Which of us changed? How did the world change? Relationships that we sometimes wish we could let go of, but that are stuck within us forever.

It’s also about trying to break from the first-person view of the world. “What can I do? What difference can I make?” It’s not about some singular effort — you have to give yourself over to another power. Give over to people who have gone before who’ve already built something — you don’t have to build something new! The world doesn’t always need a new idea, it doesn’t always need a new personality. What can you do with whatever power and money you’ve got? Surrender it over to something that’s already made. And then the song ends with an apology: I’m sorry I’ve been talking all night. Just talk talk talking, all night. Shut up, Will.

Going for “wall of sound” on this one — bass guitar and bass synth and double tracked piano bass plus another piano plus Mellotron piano. The “orchestra” is about a dozen different synth and Mellotron tracks individually detuned. And then run through additional processing.

6. “Hide It Away”

This song is about secrets. Both on an intimate, heartbreaking level — friends’ miscarriages, friends’ immigration status, shitty affairs coming to light — and on a grand, horrible level: New York lifting the statute of limitations on child abuse prosecutions, all the #MeToo reporting. There’s nothing you can do when your secret is revealed. Like, what can you do? You just have to let the response wash over you. If you’ve done something horrible, god-willing, you’ll have to pay for it in some way. If it’s something not horrible, but people will hate you anyway, goddammit, I wish there were some way to protect you.

This song has the least poetic line on the record, a real clunker: “It’s just money and power, money and power might set them free.” But it’s a clunky, shitty concept — the most surefire protection is being rich and knowing powerful people. But even then, shit just might come out. Even after you’re long dead.

Came from a 30-second guitar sample I recorded while messing around at the end of trying to track a different song. I liked the chords, looped them to make a demo. And the song was born from there. This is the one song I play drums on. Snare is chained to the MS-20, trying to play every frequency the ear can hear at the same time on some of those big hits.

7. “Hard Times”

[Laughs] I sat down and tried to write a Spotify charting electro-hit, and this is what came out: “Kill the rich, salt the earth.” Oh well. Written way before COVID-19, but my 8-year-old son turned to me this spring and asked, “Did you write the song ‘Hard Times’ about now, because we’re living through hard times?” No, I didn’t.

In Dostoevsky’s Notes From Underground, the narrator is a real son-of-a-bitch—contrarian, useless. Mad at the strong confident people who think they’ve got it figured out. And they don’t! And neither does the narrator — but he knows he doesn’t, and he at times yearns for some higher answer, and he’s funny, and too clever, but still knows he’s a piece of shit. I read Notes From Underground in high school and kinda forgot how it shaped my worldview until I sat down with it a couple years ago. The bridge on this song is basically smushed up quotes from Notes From Underground.

I was asking Shiftee, who mixed the record, if there are any vocal plug-ins I should be playing around with. He pointed me toward Little AlterBoy, which is basically a digital recreation of the kind of pedal the Knife use, for instance, on their vocal sound. It can shift the timbre/character of a voice without changing the pitch. Or change pitch without changing character. Very fun! Very much all over this track. Tried to make the bridge sound like a Sylvester song.

8. “Promised”

Another friend song masquerading as a love song. I’ve met a handful of extraordinary people in my life, who stopped doing extraordinary work because life is hard and it sucks. People who — I mean, it’s a lottery and random and who cares — could be great writers or artists, who kind of just disappeared. And it’s heartbreaking and frustrating. I don’t blame them. Maybe they weren’t made for this world. Maybe it’s just random. Maybe they’ll do amazing work in their 60s!

We tracked this song before it was written. Julie and Miles came over and we made up a structure and did a bunch of takes, found a groove. Which I then hacked up into what it is now! The bed tracks are lovely and loose. Maybe I’ll put out a jammier version of this song at some point. The other big synth on this record is the Oberheim OB-8, and that’s the bass on this one (triple tracked along with some MS-20).

9. “Not Gonna Die”

This song is about terrorism, and the response to terrorism. I wrote it a couple weeks after the Bataclan shooting in Paris in 2015. For some reason, a couple weeks after the shooting, I was in midtown Manhattan. I must have been Christmas shopping. I had to pop into the Sephora on 5th Avenue to pick up something specific — I think for my wife or her sister. I don’t remember. But I remember walking in, and the store was really crowded, and for just a split second I got really scared about what would happen if someone brought out a gun and started shooting up the crowd. And then I got so fucking mad at the people that made me feel that emotion. Like, I’m not gonna fucking die in the midtown Sephora, you fucking pieces of shit. Thanks for putting that thought in my head.

BUT ALSO, fuck all the fucking pieces of shit who are like, “We can’t accept refugees — what if they’re terrorists?” FUCK OFF. Some fucking terrified family driven from their home by a war isn’t going to kill me. Or anyone. Fuck off. Some woman from Central America fleeing from her husband who threatened to kill her isn’t going to fucking bomb Times Square. You fucking pieces of shit.

In November/December 2015, the Republican primary had already started — Trump had announced in June. And every single one of those pieces of shit running for president were talking about securing our borders, and keeping poor people out, and trying to justify it by security talk. FUCK OFF. You pieces of shit. Fuck right off. Anyway. Sorry for cursing.

I kind of think of the outro of this song as an angry “Everyday People.” Everyday people aren’t going to kill me. Lots of great saxes on this track from Matt Bauder and Stuart Bogie.

The intro of the song we recorded loud, full band, which I then ran through the MS-20 and filtered down till it was just a bass heart-pulse, and re-recorded solo piano and voice over that.

10. “Fine”

I kind of think that “Outta Here” to “Not Gonna Die” comprise the record, and “Fine” operates as the afterword and the prologue rolled into one. An author’s note, maybe. It was kind of inspired by high-period Kanye: I wanted to talk about something important in a profane, sometimes horribly stupid way, but have it be honest and ultimately transcendent.

In the song, I talk semi-accurately about where I come from. My mom’s dad was a guitar player who led bands throughout the ’30s and ’40s. In post-war LA, he had a band with Charles Mingus as the bass player. Charles Mingus! One of the greatest geniuses in all of American history. But this was the ’40s, and in order to travel with the band, to go in the same entrances, to eat dinner at the same table, he had to wear a Hawaiian shirt and everybody had to pretend he was Hawaiian. Because nobody was sure how racist they were supposed to be against Hawaiians.

Part of the reason I’m a musician is that my great-grandfather was a musician, and his kids were musicians, and their kids were musicians, and their kids are musicians. Part of the reason is vast generations of people working to make their kids’ lives better, down to my life. Part of the reason is that neither government nor mob has decided to destroy my family’s lives, wealth, and property for the last couple hundred years. I tried to write a song about that?

Generations is out now via Merge. Purchase it here.

https://www.stereogum.com/2098946/will-butler-generations-song-meanings/franchises/interview/footnotes-interview/

[savnofilter]

no nuance november!

a/n: which is basically you have a bunch of opinions and dont explain any of em' and let your followers discuss them (much more suited for tiktok sjsnj). i'll be doing it since it compiles with many topics like fandom, racism, lgbtq+, politics and etc. i highly encourage people to do this simply because why not? feel free to send your own opinions n stuff, i wanna know what my followers think!!

disclaimer!! ⚠️ all of these are broad, not pin pointing certain people or situations. even though these are my opinions these were all in fun and have been collected over the years and will change as time goes on. nothing is sugar-coated so thread carefully. feel free to agree or disagree. :)

warning(s): mentions of racism, p*do micro aggression, fetishizing, toxicity, abuse, politics, labelling, mental health, cancelling, fandoms, ages.

key:

iswis = i said what i said, no explanation to that one.

whe = will happily explain.

stop sexualizing gay/m|m/yaoi relationships. it's not only demonizing to the males, it's also very fetishizing. (iswis)

most times /10 yall root for "feminine men" when you really mean white boys and fetishised asian men on social media. (whe)

bullying someone isnt educating. you either cant cope with the fact people have different opinions from you or you have a struggle with things either always never going your way or the opposite. (iswis)

straight people will never have a say in lgbtq+ issues. stop inserting yourself. (iswis)

white people will never have a say in poc issues. stop inserting yourself. (iswis)

poc will never have a say in black people issues. stop inserting yourself. (vice versa but im black and it happens more often to us lol) (iswis)

using the defense, "but black lives matter, right?" when one black person does something bad isnt facts, youre racist. (iswis)

fandom adults need to stop gatekeeping the target audience (demographics) to animes/shows. (iswis)

poc people can be racist. (whe)

even if a certain site was adult doesnt mean that every adult wants to see your porn. either keep it to yourself or tag properly. (iswis)

saying shit like, "im more xyz than you and im not even xyz" is not only disrespectful but disgusting. just because you believe in a popular opinion of a group does NOT suddenly make you a person in it, get over yourself. (iswis)

dont hate on people for the same things you have done at a young age. (ex: writing fanfic, seggs, etc) (iswis)

blaming a minor/someone mentally unstable for being abused is not only victim blaming, but it enables the notion that people who go those things that they wanted it. (iswis)

going off of that last point, if you do victim blame for situations and been in them yourself you either still havent coped with what you went through and still think it was your fault when it wasnt. (whe)

it's stupid people hate minors for being undeveloped when adults are the reason as to why people get traumas, abused and quite literally are destroying the world right now. (iswis)

gen z is white as fuck. (iswis)

early 2000s kids are equivalent to 90s kids who use to post, "only 90s kids under this" and post something that 2000-5 experienced. (iswis)

dear 2005+ kids, abusing harmful substances and having sex doesnt make you grown. stop it. (iswis)

adults, being able to post porn doesnt make you grown or mature, stop believing that it does. (iswis)

just because it's a coping mechanism doesnt mean it's healthy. (iswis)

avoiding conflict doesnt mean youre mature. if there is an active problem and you know ignoring it will only benefit you and not the actual problem at hand that is selfish. (iswis)

black women generate clout for everyone. when we're hated the person gets patted on the back, someone appreciates black girls they are praised, and people of many groups repeatedly steal from our culture. (iswis)

YES THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING BLACK AND AFRICAN AMERICAN. (whe)

if youre black you do not have to be democrat OR republican, there are many other parties. (whe)

i do not trust either parties, no minority should. (whe)

this 2020 election was not a win for poc people no matter who won. (iswis)

we do not decide whether or not what to do on columbus day. it is up to the natives themselves. (whe)

pointing out other countries (current) faults is not racist. although the issue can be misconstrued, if proper research is done it safe to say it's an educated observation or opinion. (whe)

privilege heavily varies; ex, americans are seen as privileged, while the people who live in it experience a disadvantage because of the societal standards. within the country itself. (whe)

americans, stop saying that america is the worst country and there are other countries who are suffering much worse than we are. yes sometimes it sucks but do not label it as the worst. (iswis + whe)

white people are privileged and will always be until we break the racist issues deep rooted in EVERY community. (iswis)

9/10 when marginalized groups like (women, lgbt) are mostly focused on white people and never address the poc counter parts. using the excuse "well idk much about that" is not good enough and just promotes pseudo-white supremecy. (iswis + whe)

do not use aave. (iswis)

aave is not gen z language, stop calling it that. (iswis)

gay men (white especially) use black women and get praised for the things we do that are called ghetto. (iswis)

yes it is offensive if you touch a black persons hair with or without permission. we are not your pets nor zoo animals. (iswis)

and yes it is offensive if you see a black women with beautiful hair and assume it's fake or ask, "is it yours?" "is it real?" (iswis)

using jailbait as an excuse to lewd minors is just as disgusting. (iswis)

beauty standards for women is rooted from pedophilia. (iswis)

using other pedophilic relationships as an excuse to ship yours is disturbing and you shouldnt be near children at any capacity. (iswis)

everything doesnt need a label. (iswis)

the fact that gangs have been criminalized while mafias havent is racist and feeds the stereotypes that poc are criminals. (iswis)

people are more forgiving to white predators than to poc (neither are good but people let white off the hook more often). (iswis)

if youre okay with your friends being racists, creeps, abusers you are just as bad. (iswis)

although you can like what you like, making dark content shouldnt be as glorified as much as it is. (iswis)

some kinks do deserve to be kink shamed. (iswis)

adults need to be more held accountable when held in situations with minors. (iswis + whe)

everyone perceives the world differently, many people will see the same things you see differently. (iswis)

calling people crazy for questioning the things around them doesnt make them crazy, youre just asleep. (iswis)

the human body can function without a soul. (iswis)

stop disrespecting christianity. you wouldnt do the same with hinduism, islam and etc. (iswis)

the bible was altered by white men and the true meanings have been misconstrued. (iswis + whe)

bullying someone who you THINK is problematic is not excuse to be hateful. youre just scum and feel the need to justify your actions. (iswis)

not everyone has to like you and dont need a reason. (iswis)

just because you dont like someone doesnt mean you have to make a show of it. be mature and move along. (iswis)

yes callouts/cancelling has its place but it's never done right. (iswis)

"cancel culture" wasnt a thing till white people joined in. (iswis)

dont cancel someone for stuff they did years ago. bringing it up is important but not allowing them to understand, reflect, and apologize is not only bullying it defeats the purpose of bringing awareness. (iswis)

big writers need to stop complaining when one fic or a few dont do good. not only does it rub in small writers faces, it shows that if you need people's validation to write you probably shouldnt be writing. some works will be popular and some will flop, get over it. (iswis)

stop witch hunting & crucifying people for shit you have done or your friends have done and going "uwu sorry" when you get caught. (iswis)

90% people believe content creators with bigger audiences. (iswis)

people spontaneously posting, "uwu take care of your mental health" doesnt mean that they actually care. (iswis)

people are always quick to judge people with real mental health such as depression, anxiety, adhd, and etc are always the one to turn and pretend to be exactly what they just mocked. (iswis)

dont have kids if youre not going to take care of them. (iswis)

stop baiting baby otakus (people freshly getting into anime) into watching cp like yarichin bitch club or boku no pico. they are minors, it's not funny, stop it. (iswis)

stop being protective & toxic over anime characters. if they were real they probably wouldnt even like you. (iswis)

just because someone is your friend doesnt mean that they arent toxic or abusive. (iswis)

start believing when people show their true traits. (iswis)

trauma happens in different forms, stop saying something didnt happen because it didnt go the way that has commonly happened or the way it occurred to you. (iswis)

stop saying minors should "know" while also being the loudest to say that our brains arent even developed till 25. (iswis)

the adult age should be raised to 20 years old. (iswis + whe)

tos should be raised to 16 years old. (iswis + whe)

minors take "18+" & "minors dni" out of your bio. (iswis)

yelling at minors for finding the content you freely put out without any care is your fault not theirs. (iswis)

there are plenty of adult sites that are more confined for adults but you guys ignore them because youd rather get popular on writing erotica on a popular social media platform. (iswis)

trying to cancel someone over one mistake and or blowing said things out of proportion is toxic and stupid. (iswis)

if you take someone saying they need to distance themselves for mental health reasons personally and make them feel bad for it youre an actual shitty person. (iswis)

if someone disrespects you, you have the right to say whatever you want in response. (iswis + whe)

stop hypersexualizing everything (adults especially). (iswis)

the excuses of, "they look grown" "i mentally think xyz" "theyre fake" is creepy and weird and yall should come up with a better excuse. (iswis)

yes i do believe minors should be writing for minors only, but i will not give a shit if an adult does if said characters are aged up in every work sfw or not. (iswis)

stop saying teens cant go through traumatic things and cant experience mental illnesses. it just shows that you werent cared for as a child and never get the therapy for it. (iswis)

gen z has a very colonized idea of activism. (iswis)

feminism was never for all women until the rest of us forced ourselves in. and even now it's still an issue whether or not people realize it or not. (iswis)

poc solidarity doesnt exist as much as we try to make it happen. (iswis)

colorism is an issue, and no you will not tell me otherwise. (iswis)

the hot cheeto girl is offensive and demeans black & hispanic culture. (iswis)

stop bashing minors for breathing, just say youre mad youre not young anymore and move on. (iswis)

black men are the white people of black people. (iswis)

there is no reason as to why you anyone would refer to black people as "blacks". nor should you (non-black people) be arguing whether or not to say nigga even with the hard r. (iswis)

if you (pertains to white people) think white privilege doesnt exist but go on to make fun of or ignore minority problems you are the living and breathing example of what we are talking about. (iswis)

loli/shotas are fucking disgusting and people who like it deserve to be tortured for eternity. (iswis)

seriously, stop using theyre "fake" as an excuse. (iswis)

if youre comfortable with being hateful to someone but still consider yourself a nice person because you do the hate minimum to be a decent human, youre either a narcissist or have a god complex. (iswis)

coons have no say in black issues. (iswis)

people need to stop blaming the "home wrecker" for ruining the relationship when it was the s/o's fault as well. there is no home to enter without an owner. (iswis)

stop saying any asian man yo see reminds you of a haikyuu character and or any anime character. it's racist. (iswis)

stop saying any asian person looks like a kpop idol, it's racist. (iswis)

stop downplaying and invalidating when black women go through traumatic things. not only does it promote that we have to be strong and save everyone else's problems, it says that we dont have emotions and cant be a victim which is disgusting. (iswis)

if you say shit like "minors curate your own experience" then go and turn around to say you REFUSE TO TAG YOUR SHIT YOU ARE LITERALLY MAKING THE PROCESS OF CENSORING HARD! (iswis)

white women are just as much of a problem as white men. only difference is sex keeping them apart. (iswis)

stop saying kpop is racist. expecting artists from a different political progression to understand that things can be offensive is bland. (iswis)

people accept boy groups fuck-ups more than they accept girl groups. and most times out of ten, the males are worse. (iswis)

if you engage in nsfw conversation with a minor, it is your fault they responded. (iswis)

anyone can be abused. (iswis)

stop coddling adults and bullying minors. (iswis)

most of you females have internalized misogyny and dont even know it. (iswis)

you can callout issues without having to drag a group of people. same with uplifting. (iswis)

if youre fine with being a sheep unfollow me. (iswis)

seven deadly sins is not a good anime. (iswis)

there is a difference between boku no hero academia fans based on if they call it "bnha" or "mha". (iswis)

ships literally are not serious stop harassing people over ships. (iswis)

do not harass creators of series because they do something with THEIR story. make your own. (iswis)

stop saying horikoshi sexualizes his women too much/mineta is the worst when you guys enjoy shows like one piece, hunter x hunter, naruto and etc. (iswis)

minors often or not are sheeps (heres your sign you dont have to agree with everything other people say). (iswis)

just because minors can be mature doesnt mean that they are adults. stop treating them as such. (iswis)

we should give more voice actors in the asmr (idk what to call it) community more recognition instead of just one. (iswis)

writers are the ones that send hate to other writers. anon hate is so corny and if you do it that goes to show that you are truly a toxic person wearing a fake mask of kindness when youre not on anonymous. (iswis)

stop being mean to smaller writers because they did not have as much luck as you. (iswis)

stop blaming your readers because one story flopped. (iswis)

ignoring someone's shitty actions encourages them to do it more. (iswis)

going to school and getting a job is much harder now than it was before. (iswis)

being an adult doesnt automatically make you mature. just because youre older doesnt mean youre better or you opinion is more valuable. it just shows that you werent heard when you were younger. (iswis)

there should be no reason as to why someone of the age of 18 should be having any romantic relationship with someone who is a minor. (iswis)

hawks is a shitty character. (iswis)

bakudeku isnt toxic. (iswis)

just because bakugo is in a ship, doesnt mean it's toxic. (iswis)

stop shipping male characters together simply because they have screen time together. it's creepy. (iswis)

almost all of 1-a students have ptsd and anything close to the after effects of being traumatized. (iswis)

no, editing characters to be poc is not racist. youre just mad they arent "white" when they never were. theyre asian and come in many colors as well. (iswis)

wanting to only be with a different race to get a mixed baby is fucking disgusting. (iswis)

stop ignoring pedo relationships between older women and younger boys and or with older women in general. (iswis)

males can be abused, stop telling them to suck it up or that they cant go through things. (iswis)

shaming young females about things they cant control is misogynistic and is damaging to their identity and shouldnt be excused. (iswis + whe)

not all females have to shave. (iswis)

what you dont like in someone is the projections you see of yourself on other people that you dont like about yourself. (whe)

popular bl stories extremely misrepresent gay relationships and frankly it's disgusting that theyre boosted as much as they are. (iswis)

jjba isnt ugly, you just watch animes to sexualize the characters. (iswis)

it's shitty that anime and kpop only became cool once white people stated to like it and made it mainstream. go gatekeep family guy or something. (iswis)

if you have been anime fan for a long time you were with bullied/teased for just generally liking it or you were a weirdo who recreated shit from it. (iswis)

weaboo and weeb were bad terms till we made them positive?? literally otaku is the word for it but we use weeb instead lol. (whe)

normalize and promote educating someone without going straight to bullying them. (whe)

haikyuu isnt really a good manga/anime nor is the art style the best but the characters make up for it. (iswis)

stop misusing terms and stop nitpicking definitions to manipulate your narrative. (iswis)

toxic positivity is manipulative and if you have to make it back handed you are not as nice as you like to make it seem. (iswis)

studying a major doesnt mean youre actually good in the subject. (iswis)

normalize people realizing their past mistakes and growing from it. (iswis)

do not self diagnos unless you actually feel like you may have that issue and would like to seek help. mental health is not a personality trait. (iswis)

stop projecting onto people. (iswis)

stop misusing terms and stop nitpicking definitions to fit your narrative. (iswis)

stealing any type of work should not be tolerated. (iswis)

constantly trying to trigger someone to go back to their old ways (being toxic, abusive, addiction, suicidal etc) after changing is toxic and manipulative. (iswis)

if you make jokes about hurting kids and or feel the need speak badly about them i do not want to speak to you. (iswis)

the human brain wasnt developed to understand complex ideas such as death or the universe. (iswis)

we will never truly know what is beyond our skies. (iswis)

thats all, thanks for sifting!

[collectivefandomasks]

Tumblr Mom, I am scared. I am sorry if you don't like politics being dragged into your blog, but I am American and feel helpless. I'm just shy of being able to vote and I've probably been watching the results (so far) way too obsessively, but I'm really scared about what's going to happen if he wins reelection. I worry that I won't have a future (not in the suicidal sense, if you're worried, just that, you know, the earth is dying, America is doing terribly, and it feels like there's a- (1/2)

Aw man I can relate to the “just shy of voting age”. I was 6 months shy of 18 during an election and it sucked. As for the politics, I don’t actually mind talking politics (weird, I know, but shipping is a lot more incendiary on tumblr than politics. What a world we live in). The reason I don’t post much about it is because I don’t think my local politics would be very relatable to an international audience, me not being American and all. Anyway! Election night is always a bit scary and for you in US right now I understand if it can feel downright apocalyptic. I only know what’s going on from an outside perspective, but it looks like there’s a polarization in the US that’s getting pretty extreme, and that always leads to a feeling of unrest on a fundamental level. We never know what’s going to happen in the future, or how things may progress in our own country politcally, but -as weird as it might sound -the fear you feel isn’t bad.

Now, we’ve all learned over the past decade (and long before that) that fear is a tool that can be used to radicalize people and cause rifts in society. Often we think that fear is the tool of fascism, dictatorships and oppression. And it is, but that’s not all it is. Fear is a warning system, that let’s us prepare and act in advance. Fear means that it’s time to focus on what’s going on, and how we will choose to handle it. Fear, like anger, can drive positive change as much as it does negative.

You describe this overwhelming feeling of chaos and powerlessness that could make any person want to just give up. We all encounter that, sometimes, whether it’s to do with the enviroment or injustice or something else. I can’t tell you there’s an easy cure, because there isn’t, but here’s what I try to do when I’m struck down by it:

I ask myself “what is the problem?” this sometimes involves research because it’s not always obvious. With the enviroment, for example, the problem could be that 100 companies are causing 70% of the pollution, and only the governments of the world can force them to get a fucking grip.

Then, I ask myself “what can I do to actually contribute to solving this?” Is there a political party I can join? A protest? A movement? Would it help to become a lawyer? A scientist? A politican? Is it so bad that I shouldn’t try to solve it, but try to escape it instead? Sometimes, there’s something I can do, which is why I’ve been active both politically and with enviromental movements when I was younger, but sometimes there isn’t. Sometimes I don’t have the energy, or time, or force of will. Worse, sometimes all alternatives feel equally worthless (which is why I’m not involved in politics now). And in those cases, I accept that fact and try to let the anxiety go. Because fear that can’t inspire movement is just paralyzing, and if you can’t move then you have to put the fear away.

My point, though I’ve rambled my way through it, is that what you’re feeling right now is good in a way. It means that you can see the world for what it is. Just don’t let that knowledge make you apathetic. And don’t fall into a spiral of catastrophic thinking. The world is not dead quite yet, and the US still holds public elections. There’s time for you to turn eighteen and start making a difference. If there’s anything we can learn from history it’s that things are never as fixed as we think they are. Rome could fall and Paris could burn. Nothing is quite as set in stone as they’d like us to think.

Stay strong anon💞💞💞

P.S. if all else fails you can always join @ihassheepquake

they seem to be on to something

[kewltie]

Day 6

i, uh, fell asleep again last night while working on social media au. my sleep schedule is kinda fucked bc i have been keeping up w the elections and my anxiety haven’t made it any easier /o\ BUT at last!!!!! i can finally have a good restful night of sleep w biden winning and kicking trump’s ass omfg. THIS IS OUR REDEMPTION ARC AMERICA!!!!! WE DID IT. 

anyway, yesterday i was working on a tabloid section and i had an idea for something so i was forced to work it into the story... this is what happen when you barely plan for anything. like, some ppl have structured story with plans and outlines and notes and i just... pull everything out of my head and wing it no lie. even right now for social media au i have a timeline (a calendar really) to keep track of my dates properly and a semi outline which is basically a checklist of things i need to get done. it’s very uh uncohesive but somehow i manage to pull it off anyway. i work in v v chaotic manner and roll with it the majority of the time. like, when i barely do any planning everything just happen bc im like well i want X, T, and M so how do i get to there?? so i’ll work my way to get those milestones and the story just develop from there. but even w barebones outline and not a set plan, i still have a goal or really goals set in mind. it’s more like central themes i want to address and every plot points is my way to get there. on some other day i would like to talk about some of themes of social media au bc lol it’s quite a bit. 

there’s def a better way for to do this all of this planning and stuff lol but it’s not really my thing??? i dont like meticulous planning and just let it evolve as i go along sometimes that’ll mess things up but writing for me is trial and WIP and you learn things as you go along. im not a professional writer so i dont need to tryhard as long as im happy w the outcome. 

[blommis-writes]

I just love how america-centric the world is

I decided to take a pause from my twitter acc (an italian acc where 3/4 of the people I follow are italian fandoms and the remaining 1/4 are celebrities, this needs to be specified) because everyone is all about the usa’s election day and after the year I had I simply can’t deal with that rn, even though I am indeed aware of the circumstances.

I write a tweet to warn a couple of my closer mutuals that I might disappear for a couple of day, alright. Then a guy (italian) out of fucking nowhere comments saying that I’m selfish for doing that.

Because apparently I can’t even be in a fucking depressive mood by myself (doing no harm to anyone for that matters) thinking about the grief I’ve experienced in losing my grandma, my dad and three of my uncles in the last year and a half, and the grief I’m experiencing now because my dog has a tumor and hasn’t long left to live, and I need to think about getting a bloody degree in the middle of a fucking global pandemic, because apparently according to people on the internet I have to pull a fucking all-nighter to watch the american elections, or whatever it is people are doing, to be aware of what’s happening in the world (which by the way also makes my anxiety grow a lot).

Am I aware of what is going on in the usa? Yes.

Should I ever be forced to keep myself active in looking up news on that, seeing as it’s not even my country so I technically don’t even count there? Hell no.

tl;dr: It’s one thing to keep oneself updated on what is happening in the world and the possible (disastrous) outcomes of the usa election day while also actually caring about your own mental health, and another to follow and participate obsessively in something that technically isn’t even your country’s business. Especially if you have a lot of shit going on irl.

Take care of your mental and physical health before taking on that hell of a shitshow.

[bonesgadh]

Each finalist’s pros, cons and key to winning the crown according to yours trully:

Jaida Essence Hall

Pros:

Talent

Jaida is an amazing performer, she dances, she sells her act, she is a very good designer and seamstress, she is polished, funny and overall a very complete queen. Most pageant queens who have been on the show are one-note queens, which is not Jaida’s case. Her looks are always on fucking point and she is simply gorgeous. There’s nothing else I can say about Jaida that hasn’t been said already.

Record

Only Gigi had a better track record than Jaida. She won three challenges and although she was in the bottom two once, she was always a good and strong contender.

Consistency

Gigi had a strong start but fell flat and Crystal woke up during the second half of the season, but Jaida was always a good queen (except for the second-to-last challenge). She didn’t really get a chance to put herself in the frontrunner position during the first half of the season because Gigi was dominating the competition, but she was patient and it paid off. It’s true that she failed at the one-woman show, but she quickly recovered and she proved it had been nothing but a slip. Ru likes stability, which can help Jaida’s chances.

Public image

Jaida is a very popular queen amongst her fellow queens and fans. She is charismatic, she has a likeable persona, she is an activist, she stands for diferent causes, and an altruistic queen is always a very good choice for a winner.

Cons:

Uniqueness

Although Jaida is a very talented queen her main style is something we have seen before, and one of the things Ru looks after in her winners is uniqueness, so that could play against her. 

Relatively slow start

Jaida won episode two, and after that she kind of fell into the background. Sh*rry P*e and Gigi won the next five challenges and Gigi’s domain of the competition didn’t allow for anybody else to shine, including Jaida. Her presence didn’t feel that much until after episode 8, when she started to win again.

Age

Ru is known for choosing young queens as winners. Raja and Bianca are the only queens above 30 to have won the competition, and that was because they were something else. Jaida is 32, which statistically speaking can affect her.

Snatch game performance

With the exception of Bebe (there was no Snatch Game in S1), Tyra (who had inmunity), Yvie (who was in the bottom two) and Violet (who was safe), every other winner has placed either high (Raja, Sharon, Bianca and Sasha) or has won the Snatch Game (Jinkx, Bob and Aquaria). Jaida’s impersonation wasn’t bad but it wasn’t memorable either.

Gigi Goode (honestly I don’t think Gigi stands a chance after her fuck up from yesterday. Not a single one. Even if her performance is flawless there’s no way Ru will crown her)

Pros:

Strong start

From the moment she entered the werk room you could see there was something special with her and with three main challenge wins by episode 8 she was the obvious frontrunner. At that point, you didn’t imagine any other queen taking the crown away from her. 

Versatility

Gigi is a very versatile queen, which is not very common. She is a skilled seamstress, she serves looks, she sings, she acts, she dances and she is an amazing performer. Her win in the Snatch Game proved she is quick-thinking and can be goofy, her win in the Ball challenge showed she is creative and skilled and she also did very well during the improv/acting challenges (World’s Worst and Gay’s Anatomy), which proves she is not a one-trick dog.

Challenges won

She won the Snatch Game which usually serves as the turning point of the season; it can either propel you to a frontrunner position or send you straight to the bottom. Like I mentioned above with Jaida, winners historically do good at the SG. She also won the Ball, another challenge winners have won (Bebe, Tyra, Sharon, Violet and Aquaria all won the Ball and, if you ask me, Bianca should have won it too).

On the other hand, no winner has ever won the Rusical/Lip sync extravaganza.

Performance skills

Although she didn’t have to lip-sync for her life she could benefit from the lip-sync for the crown format because she won two Rusicals and came very close to winning a third one, which proves she knows how to sell an act. Also she has already performed at the Werq The World Tour so she has an advantage when it comes to lip-syncing from her home.

Track record

Gigi has one of the finest records in Drag Race herstory. She won four challenges, a remarkable feature since she is only the third queen to achieve it (after Sharon Needles and Shea Couleé). However, contrary to Sharon and Shea, Gigi never placed in the bottom two—and Shea shared two of her wins with Sasha—. Tyra, Bianca, Violet, Sasha and Aquaria won their season without having to lip sync for their lives.

She rises up to the challenge

Gigi admitted she was not a particularly good dancer and struggled whenever she had to perform in a dancing challenge, but she delivered and excelled at them. Also during the Madonna Rusical she wanted to be cone bra Madonna but she gave up the part and still won the motherfucking challenge. I hate it when queens who don’t get their way just complain and throw tantrums and come up with excuses to justify why they did bad in the challenge, but she simply trusted herself and did and excellent job. 

Age

When picking the season’s winner, Ru leans towards younger queens. Except for Raja (36) and Bianca (38) every single winner won their season when they were less than 30 years old, and Tyra (21), Jinkx (25), Violet (21), Aquaria (21) and Yvie (25) were 25 or younger. Gigi is 22, which gives her a slight advantage against Crystal (29) and Jaida (32).

Cons:

That tweet and the controversy that came with it

For those of you who didn’t hear, yesterday relatively early in the morning Gigi tweeted about her excitement for the season 12 finale and she literally used the words: “I can’t breathe”, which was a horrible thing given the murder of George Floyd. 

Now here’s the thing: Gigi did what she did because she clearly had no idea of what had happened, which is worse than the tweet itself if you ask me. But then she comes with a long-ass statement to adress the issue and she only digged herself into a deeper hole. As a mexican woman I have experienced racism and I hate it when people just look the other way because they are acting from their own privilege, the privilege of knowing that the decision made by those in power won’t affect them, but the rest of us can’t afford to shut everything out or to blame it on our anxiety. 

Political issues were a big thing this season and the truth is you can’t aspire to become America’s Next Drag Superstar, a title that demands you to be politically and socially aware, and come up with excuses like: “oh, I don’t get into politics because I find them awful.” Gurl, when Aquaria came to Mexico a day after being crowned and I was lucky enough to see her, she adressed the presidential election that was happening the next day and threw shade at her own country. She had no reason to know there was going to be an election but she encouraged us all to vote because we needed our voice to be heard. She was the same age Gigi is today and she was never in the need to use the anxiety card to justify her political ignorance, and although she has also screwed up many times before she has tried to educate herself because she is aware of her privilege, and I respect her for that.

I’m very sorry for Gigi, I’m pretty sure she ruined her chances of winning which is a shame because I don’t think she is either a racist or the devil with human form, she made a terrible mistake and I hope she learns from this and bounces back. She owes it to her fans and to herself to do better next time.

Lost momentum

By episode 8 she had won three challenges but things went south for her after that, which allowed other queens to rise (especially Crystal and Jaida). She went from a 10 to a 6.5 in three episodes and it was painful to watch, and although she bounced back to win the final challenge the truth is she lost a ton of momentum, which can really hurt you during a competition as tough as Drag Race. You can’t allow yourself to lower your guard.

Uniqueness

Just like Jaida she is not a particularly unique queen, and one of the things Ru looks after in her winners is uniqueness. Although she is very versatile, her main style is something we have seen before. Personally she reminds me of Aquaria, although if you ask me—and here’s where a probably unpopular opinion quicks in—Gigi has a wider range than her. There are also traces of Raja and Violet, so that could play against her.

Self-sabotage

Gigi showed she can laugh at herself and be goofy, and given her good performances at the improv challenges and the snatch game I was surprised to see her fail the way she did at the commercial and debate challenges. Her performance at the one-woman show was “fine” and her make over challenge was mediocre, which is kind of unforgivable for a look queen because you expect them to excel. Sometimes it seemed as if she was trying too hard, but my guess is after performing so well she thought Ru and the judges wanted more, and her fear of failing is what brought her to fail. She chose to put her silly side aside, completely forgetting Ru likes it when queens just let go and have a good time.

Crystal Methyd: She needs to bring her A+ game to the lip syncs. If she manages to channelize her charm and uniqueness into friday’s performance then watch out, because it won’t matter if she is not as polished as Gigi and Jaida. Ru will choose a queen with a heart over a pretty face, as long as said queen gives her all.

Pros:

Uniqueness

Although her style is similar to other queens, she injects her performances with her own sense of humor and fashion. It is always amazing when a “different” queen does good in the competition and it makes you root for her.

Attitude

Crystal is one of the most kindhearted queens to have ever been on the show. She is likable and has a heart the size of the world and she won over all of us. If there’s one thing I like about Crystal is she enjoys what she is doing and she is obviously having so. much. fun. It is not common for queens to have this approach to the competition.

Growth

No queen grew during the season as much as Crystal did. Period. The glow up she had was just impressive and extremely pleasing to look at and it makes you feel proud of her. She listened to the judge’s critiques without altering what made her unique and Ru likes that. No choice but to stan.

Storyline

I don’t really like it when fans talk about queens getting the “villain edit” or the “winner edit”, what I do think is queens have a storyline because Drag Race is a tv show after all, so you have to be able to see the queens’ journey from start to finish. Having said that, out of the three finalists Crystal has the best storyline. She is the underdog, the queen you thought was going to leave first, and she fought her way to the top against all odds. 

Age

Just like I said with Gigi, when picking the season’s winner Ru leans towards younger queens. Crystal is 29, and although she is older than Gigi she is the same age Bebe, Sharon, Bob and Sasha were when they won (okay Bebe was 28 but in order for this to work I’m gonna say they were all the same age).

Cons:

Talent

Like Ru said, charisma and uniqueness can only take you so far. Obviously Crystal is a talented queen (she wouldn’t have reached the top if she weren’t), but objectively speaking I think Jaida and Gigi are on a different level than her. She grew a lot, yes, but with her there’s still room for improvement while both Jaida and Gigi are already excellent. I see her more as the lovely runner-up than as America’s Next Drag Superstar.

Record

In terms of record Crystal is the weakest out of the three queens. She came close to being in the bottom a couple of times, she had to lip sync for her life once and it took her a while to warm up, but once she did she stayed in the top. However, her weak start could play against her.

Odd queen

I doubt Ru will have odd queens winning back-to-back seasons, especially since I think Yvie was a better queen than Crystal.

Snatch Game performance

Tyra and Yvie are the only queens who went on to win their season despite performing poorly at the Snatch Game, and although Crystal didn’t have to lip sync for her life she was in the bottom three.