#and then there my dear stone faced son Shoto

[softer-ua]

Villain getting handcuffed and put in the van

🦹🏼: OH THANK GOD YOUR FINALLY HERE!!! GET ME AWAY FROM THESE FREAKS!!!!

🐷: … you mean the top three hero’s??? You can’t call the hero’s of our nation freaks?!

🦹🏼: Look at them!!! The blonde clearly has rabies, he’s literally frothing at the mouth and has tried to bite me once already?!! The red and white haired freak in the boiler man suit hasn’t blinked once since he arrived, not once!!!

🦹🏼:And, and the green one?!! His smile hasn’t wavered, not even when he dislocated my knee with his steal shoes, not even when I managed to have a street lamp fall on him, not when the unblinking maintenance guy set my cap on fire and trapped the remains ice(chocking me!!), not when the blonde dog blew up a overhanging statue and almost killed me and he smiled even brighter!!!

🦹🏼: in fucking fact he’s only gotten happier?!!! He’s loving that he’s holding that rabid fucker back from biting me!!! He’s a psychopath!!! He’s a deranged menace who not only enjoys hurting me but gets satisfaction from being hit, frankly I don’t think his heavy breathing is from exertion, I think he’s imagining letting the blonde rip out my spleen rn

🐷: you’re the insane one here buddy, those three are shining pillars of our community and you should show some respect!

🦹🏼: this can’t be legal, it’s at minimum excessive force, and it feels cruel and unusual

[explosively-psycho-a]

Day one, Apartment one:

“-WE ARE HERE!-”

The GPS sounded their first spot of the evening. The first listing for a small one bedroom, one bathroom, and a common room place with a small amount of amenities. The place was in a silent little part of town, a street lined with painted houses and well-worn stores. The small place was in an older part of the neighborhood and was most likely a mother-in-law suite turned apartment.

“The owner is an elderly woman,” Sho commented, opening the car door on his side to step out. His hand reaching back in for the blonde who only waved it away...complaining softly that he needed to help, that he was just ready to get into the place and look.

Toshi pulled the keys and stepped out, long legs going first as he bowed the rest of his body like a hunting bow to get out. “Looks cozy from the outside at least. Clean streets and sidewalk, only about a ten-minute walk to the school gates.”

“But it’s kinda far from the street I need to get to Katsuko’s school.” Bakugo soon mentioned, closing the car door behind him as Toshi pressed the button on the fob to lock up.

“Oh? You’re started to pick him up from school? That’s kind of you. I think the bus stop at the end of the street goes straight there.” Toshi was quick to counter back, giving a small improvement to the issue.

The three men’s attention was caught by surprise next. Sho jumped first, feeling the bush aside him ruffle and fan to each side, “GAH!!”

“HELLO!” A little tiny old woman popped out, her skin flickering with the colors of the bush she was pushing aside. Owner of a camouflage quirk. “You must be the boy that contacted me on the apartment? Yessss? YESSS?”

“Dear God.” Bakugo gasped.

“Evening ma’am.” Toshi was quick to spit out and grab Sho’s shoulders before he froze or fried the poor woman. “Indeed we are, This is Todoroki. Behind me is Bakugo, and you may call me Toshi...we’re grateful you made time for us to see the place.”

“Don’t worry, don’t worryyyy! The place is good, GOOD. Good for young people. You come see, come see, COME SEE.” She rattled at them, motioning with her hand for the three to follow as she crawled out of the bush and down the pavement to the door.

“...Can I just make my choice now?” Bakugo wasn’t impressed, more like creeped out by the display. Sho wasn’t do put off, seeing the older woman’s actions as something kinda charming in their own way. At least you knew what she was saying...she repeated it enough.

Key in the door and swung open the small group came inside to inspect, shoes off and slippers used. Though...the pair provided were too small for the retired hero. Not really an issue. The place was clean from the first glance, if outdated. Just passed the entrance way was the small kitchen area, sorely lacking for Katsuki’s standard. “There’s only one burner…”

“Oh OH?” The landlady spoke up fast, patting the stove top with a fond smile almost. “You cook, cook COOK? But you just boy, just child, you no cook. I cook, I cook, I bring. No use burner.”

Katsuki gave Shoto a look as soon as this old bat was finished, Sho could only shrug. Oh dear. A hand went to the back of Bakugo’s neck, rubbing as he followed along. There was no fridge, no mini-oven, no rice maker...nothing to cook with. All would have to be brought in. He leaned toward her as she shuffled along the stone floor. There was no flooring? “Are we allowed to bring anything in ta cook on or with?”

Before his question was answered there was a yelp, Toshi failed his arms as he managed to trip over something...looking like nothing. The floors were uneven. “No no, no cook. I cook, watch step, watch step, watch step. Floors old, floors original. Floors good.”

Again, Sho was given a long unhappy look. He couldn’t do anything about this! But the place was looking...questionable by the second. The listing online stated none of these things! It listed a small place with old world charm. “Pardon me but, the listing online stated…”

“My son! My son, he made the list. Made the list! Said all good things, good things, good good. This was his place before he marry. Marry good girl, have good child, good grandma!”

“Did you cook for your son?”

“Cook, yes. And clean, clean clean clean. I’ll do for you too! New sons! New boys! Brothers?”

Toshi wanted to snort but was able to get a hand to his mouth before a toothy smile formed. He stepped forward to speak up. “Not quite, these two are my students. Their well behaved but there is one important detail.”

“Detail? Detail? What detail?”

“They are lovers.”

“Oh…”

“Is that an issue, granny?” Bakugo fired it out before Sho could stop him, he could see from the other’s face that he was feeling slightly heated. No stove, can’t bring anything in. No decent floor, old excuse. Awkward as fuck old woman...his buttons were being pressed. “Well?!”

“Lovers? Lovers? As in, like boyfriend and girlfriend? So you are woman? Homely looking but…” She was motioning to the blonde. Sho had to swallow his own tongue. They would need a more...progressive area to live in.

“I think we’ve seen enough.”

“But through here is bathroom, is not western toilet. Like proper Japanese toilet in floor. Good for woman’s back. Yes yes yes?”

“NO NO NO! SAYS MY DICK.”

“BAKUGO!”

“EHHHH?!”

“NO THANK YOU! I’M GOING BACK TO THE CAR!”

“BAKUGO!”

“So is not woman?”

“...No. Thank you for the tour but I think we’ve seen enough. I’ll be in contact, thank you for your time and hospitality.” Toshi turned to take off after the boy storming out, knowing in his gut how the kid must feel. Insulted, his questions dismissed...misgendered and called ‘homely looking’. He caught up just as Bakugo’s hand met the car door handle and he started to tug.

“OPEN UP, OPEN FUCKING UP!”

“Young Bakugo, calm down a moment. Take a breath.”

“SHE THOUGHT I WAS A WOMAN, ALL MIGHT! BECAUSE SHO MUST LOOK SO DAMN MANLY, HUH?!”

Sho was at the blonde’s side pretty quickly as well, trying to avoid the little old woman standing in the apartment kitchen they were not going to rent. He had to admit, he was upset too...but holding it together for the sake of Katsuki still yanking at the car door handle. The next place had to be better, it had to be.

“Gorgeous, I’m so sorry. If anyone is the woman between...I’ll take it, gladly.”

“....You’d make an ugly girl.” There was a beep and card door finally opened. 

“Says you, I think my hair would make me more charming to the boys!”

“Idiot...can we please see the next one? And pray it’s not awkward? Or a dump or...?” “It won't be, I promise.”