#and then the blog who rb it tagged the exact same thing i thought

[applejee]

that post about there not being snow in december and someone reblogged a tone deaf reply from an australian like “this is like if people came on here and said they don’t care about the australian bushfires because it doesn’t affect them”

they did. like this may very well be an american microblogging website but there is complete radio silence, every time this country is ravaged by bushfires…. during black summer it was majority aussie and kiwi posting about it, rarely did i see usamericans and other nationalities posting about it, like that is not the example to use lmao

[daja-the-hypnokitten]

Jukebox reviews part 51! For context, see my post “A Project” under  this same tag. If you want to see a full list of his EMCSA stories,  they can be found here, sorted alphabetically.And if you want to see some of his drabbles, check out his blog at @jukeboxemcsa​

Boy Problems

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

5/23/2020                                     mc mf md rb

Nope. NOPE. The *moment* a Boy pushes on a gal who's ace I'm out. I can't. (Compare this to the story "A Kind of Girl I Could Love," and ... oof.)

 The Ultimate Vacation

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5/30/2020                                     mc mf ff md fd

This is an interesting way to tell the story, and their screening process is thorough and clever, but also. The sheer sameness isn't a thing I enjoy and it's something that I honestly find to be a turnoff.  But the narrative, the approach, is super cool and fun even if the outcome is more than a little meh to me. Give it a read just for the style, if nothing else! 7/10 spirals

 Chant of the Ever-Circling Skeletal Family

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6/6/2020                                       mc

... Jukebox likes horror. I don't. That flavors my opinion on stories such as this one that are as much horror as erotica, if not moreso. This isn't for me, it just isn't. But if you like the vibe of folk being hunted by a cult or ... something like a cult? I guess? I dunno, whatever they are... you'd probably enjoy this one much more than I did. 4/10 spirals

 Keep Your Eyes Open

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6/13/2020                                     mc mf md

I appreciate this post highlighting some of the myths about hypnosis that people like to believe, for all of course the hypnotist doing so has his own nefarious motivations for doing so. I do think he pushes it a way I don't like so much, but I can go past that because I enjoy the basic set up so much. But the poor cop who just wants to help this one arrested gal so much, falling into this trap.... it's a good story with seriously good hypnotic language and double bind set-ups. 8/10 spirals 

 Dream Girl (Jukebox)

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6/27/2020                                     mc ff rb

CHARITY! Oh, yay! I like her! (So not only is this another Girls(tm) story, but a direct sequel to "You're not an Ordinary Girl") I love how she's so invested in this entire everything, and it's just so FUN to see the reality of A Hypnokinkster in this world where the Girls(tm) are all hypnotists. I don't get the Nagaina thing, that's never been my kink, but it doesn't matter. Charity's enthusiasm is all the connection I need to this story. 10/10 spirals 

 Mindless Self Indulgence

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6/27/2020                                     mc mf md ma

This is another story that starts withh someone trying to break up with a hypnotist/mind controller/etc, the exact role doesn't matter for the trope and it's a trope I'm just not fond of. The control being used to overwhelm someone's attempt to advocate for themselves just turns my stomach and I can't give it a fair rating, But hey, if you like that trope, it's a story for you. 

 You’re My Temptation

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

7/4/2020                                       mc

.... Narrator, friend, there are literal hypnokink conventions you could go to and find brilliant, clever ladies to melt into a puddle with their consent. I know *multiple* people who would love most if not all of that fantasy. Though I understand the temptation, and as I remind my girlfriend on a regular basis, you can learn to resist anything but temptation. (I mean, I used to be a good Catholic, I know you can resist temptation, but the longer you think of it as a temptation the harder it is to resist, so ... anyway). I don't know that I like the ending - though my brain has decided that she was asking about the pendant as a way of flirting with someone she thought was a hypnotist, because then I enjoy the story more, so y'know, reader's choice there. It's a lovely sort of story that's a lovely series of fantasies and the importance of language, and I really enjoyed it. 9/10 spirals 

 The Abduction of Margaret

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7/11/2020                                     mc ff ma

This one is dark in ways that are absolute turnoffs for me. The cold, dispassionate approach, the threats of killing her if she isn't useful... all of it just puts me off. But if you like cold and dispassionate, you might like this one? 

 Plain Gold Ring

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7/18/2020                                     mc mf md

Ahhhhh these two are so cute and shy and I like them so much!!! Rosita and Mateo just feel real in that way some of Jukebox's best (to me) stories do, including the adorable bits of awkwardness that never tip into secondhand embarassment somehow. And seeing Mateo be so very respectful and ethical, even when Rosita blurts out something while entranced that she never meant to share ... well. They're cute and I hope there's more stories involving them in the future, that's all. 10/10 spirals 

 It’s All About Feeling Good

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7/25/2020                                     mc

I don't think I've mentioned how much I appreciate how JB prefaces these inductions - a clear statement of what's to be included, and a clear statement that the reader/listener can choose to ignore any suggestions they don't feel safe and comfortable accepting. It's a really nice preface. And this induction also includes a permissive definition of pleasure - sexual, sure, but not necessarily; quite explicitly it could just be "happiness or joy" or any other sort of way the listener wants to interpret pleasure. This isn't a set of suggestions I get much out of - I'm quite good at the skill it's trying to teach, personally, after years of practice - but for folk who are less skilled at feeling that pleasure on command? It's a lovely file and as always, technically solid. 10/10 spirals

[rockettransman]

Rocketman Watch #4 Thoughts

i have so many MORE thoughts can you believe it wow here we go

(i wrote these as i watched it so they’re in order im p sure)

man, his intro monologue during group therapy is just as gripping as it was when I first watched it. And the transition to the bitch is back is so fuckin good. My palms are sweating.

There’s some commentary about forgiving and loving your inner/past child, but I don’t have the words for it at this moment. In the beginning he’s staring down, confused and scowling at his child self, but at the end, he embraces him in a way his father and loved ones never did.

Was he in therapy/rehab WHILE touring and doing music? Stomping into the room in his regalia would have me believe so. I know group therapy was a medium for storytelling. Was it just signaling the very beginning of his story, because we go through different stages through his actions and clothing changes?

Lmao I imagine it must take some pretty cool parents to allow their, like, six or seven year old child to be in this movie. He said bitch so many times.

Took me a hot second to realize the orchestra he’s conducting is playing Rocket Man. The violins are so pretty. Imagine being picked to be in the orchestra on set and getting smile up at the tiny little kid who played Elton. My heart would absolutely swell seeing a little kid being so fantastic at this really intense job.

Kit Connor did amazing in his role. He’s fifteen and he’s already done so much! Imagine growing up knowing you played Elton John as a kid. Getting to work alongside him and his husband and the dozens of incredible actors. Wowie. I’d never shut up about it.

I LOVE how 12 year old Elton is playing the piano SO HARD and is trying to rock out as hard as he can while playing classical music. The boy wanna ROCK dammit.

HE GLANCED UP THE TINIEST BIT WHEN THE MAN ASKED IF ANYONE HAD A FAG (slang for cigarette)

SATURDAY NIGHTS ALRIGHT GIVES ME CONSTANT CHILLS FROM THE START TO FINISH

WOOOW SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD ELTON IS CUTE AS HEEELLLL. The hair, glasses, and front tooth gap fit Taron so well. Goddamn I hope I look like 17 year old Elton some day.

The choreography for this number is absolutely breathtaking. You have to get that many people all in sync! We followed Elton running through the crowd and AAHHH it was a lot! The athleticism! And they did it in the rain! Wow I’m blow away.

Elton is JAMMIN in the back of the stage. It’s really sweet to see his smile and enthusiasm and his brain thinking and working.

That guy in the back peed a LOT lmao

I was wondering where thank you for all of your loving came in.

Charlie Rowe plays Ray Williams, and he also plays LEO ROTH from Red Band Society!!! The first time I watched the movie, I KNEW him from somewhere, but I couldn’t place it and it was driving me nuts. Man. RBS was a big crutch during the worst lows of my ED. Had no idea he was English.

Love to see how shy Elton was as a teenager. It’s a hot ass mood. Also, those silk scarves? Ascots? idk but they’re a LOOK.

“One frothy coffee, no froth.”

The acquaintances-to-best-friends montage set to Border Song *chefs kiss*

Rock And Roll Madonna Is A Perfect Song Send Tweet

Lmao Elton is NOT phased at all when he gets accused of being gay. He’s just like. “Nah. I’m like. Not.” Not overly defensive and surprised, like I’m sure other people would be lmaooo

STUMBLING HOME DRUNK WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A MILESTONE IN TEENAGEHOOD!!!!!!!

“You are a ssSSHHIIIITT HOT piano player—”

So delicate of Bernie the way he politely denied a kiss from him. It wasn’t weird or tense at all. Just a gentle “love you, but not that way. It’s okay” Some people may not be able to handle it that well even today.

Taron’s got nice thighs. That robe & underwear getup is a nice look.

Love love LOVE hearing him experiment with Your Song on the piano to find a melody that worked.

Honestly what the shit do these songs even mean. Bernie sometimes these words don’t make any sense. Don’t worry, they still slap. “See I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue” like what

AMOREENA IS A PERFECT SONG SEND TWEET

Doug flirting with Bernie makes me snort every time. “Oh, really? That’s.. cool.”

THE TROUBADOUR OUTFIT IS GOOD AS SHIT!!!!!!!!

“NO, BERNIE. YOU ARE UNDERREACTING.”

Taron was right. The overalls do make his ass look massive.

A week ago before this movie I was sick and fuckin TIRED of crocodile rock but now I can’t get enough of it. The movie transformed a lot of old songs I was sick of for me.

Imagine being a kind of shy, nervous kid, terrified to go on stage, but two and a half minutes later the entire venue is LOSING IT because they love the jam YOU WROTE. how cool for Elton.

I want a best friend platonic cheek kiss :(

Hmmmmm I’m wondering if they used the studio recordings that went on the album for the movie or have different movie-specific recordings. Tiny Dancer sounds a teeny bit different in the movie version.

Goddamn I sure hope Taron got to keep that jacket.

“So you liked the song, then?” “Not as much as the singer” *Elton glances away in gay panic*

LMFAO John said some weird colorful words to Elton that barely made sense and he was like OH FUCK GOTTA KISS HIM GOTTA KISS HIM

I’ve talked so much about the sex scene I don’t need to go on about it here. Go search the rocketman tag on my blog for my extensive gay thoughts about it.

Now I know glasses come OFF during sex

oh oh oh I was wondering where Hercules fell in the movie. I love how the songs he’s writing or getting notoriety for is played over the transition scenes.

Elton’s hand on his hip, knowing smirk as John enters the studio. “Hello.”

Bernie is like “HELLO are we RECORDING or are y’all gonna FUCK in the CLOSET?”

*vibrating* Honky Cat Honky Cat Honky Cat Honky Cat

Damn, the flowy white button down with the red pants really is a LOOK

The gestures, staring up at each other, leaning into each other, hands on each other’s chests, damn it makes me feel some typa way. Maybe their love WAS good and fun and exciting while they rode the high of everything before it all went so so bad.

Elton searching John’s gaze while he’s talking and looking like he’s not really paying attention, just looking for a kiss on the couch.. GOD I remember the honeymoon phase of my relationships. So much fun.

His dad going “N-Not really my thing.” That was a metaphor for his SEXUALITY TOO, huh.

Damn. He went to his dad’s to come out to him and he never even got to get to that part. He was just like “....nice shoes....” and even after all this time, didn’t show any interest in his music. If he never was into what he did, how could he even talk about being gay? I’m sure during that scene there were a lot of metaphors to sexuality but I didn’t bother to think much about them.

The eyebrow quirk after his dad says “ah—no. Could you make it out to Arthur?” DAMN Elton was like .. “really. This is what’s happening? Okay. Awesome.”

“What do you have to do to get a fucking drink around here, eh?” *cuts to Elton drinking straight from a bottle*

“Elton—” “Elton!”

John saying “don’t you ever put your hands on me” when he was the one who yanked him from the phone booth AND directly after punching him... woof man. What a shitty dude.

Damn, just noticed John talking very quietly and closely to another man right before he goes on and plays Pinball Wizard. Was this the first sign of him having fun with other men when Elton was indisposed?

Pinball Wizard is absolutely intense and loud and fun, but it DOES carry the tone of “god im SO miserable” under it all. You knew Elton wasn’t having fun.

“It is next week.” Jeezus.

LMAO I just caught the “mom, you’re ON my GOWN” when he reluctantly complies to give the Anderson’s a tour.

Damn, flowy, loose dress shirts with the first few buttons undone is a LOOOOK.

How did they do the overdose scene, you think? Surely the pills Taron took had to be like. Empty. Or placebo affect drugs? Idk. He did take a big drink directly after stuffing his mouth with them. I don’t think he spit them out.

God, there is SOMETHING symbolic about how he meets his child self at the bottom of the pool. Rock bottom? Apologizing? Wishing he could be better? Telling him he’ll never be better?

OH I watched a behind the scenes cut about the pool scene, and none of it was CGI. Taron was weighted under his robe and a SCUBA diver was on standby to provide oxygen. The singing and bubbles coming out of his mouth and stuff underwater was all real.

Dying to know about the choreography around the second chorus, about the undressing and twirling and dressing and injection and handing off of the bat and stuff. That sequence was incredible.

Bennie and the Jets. Damn. It fucks. I listened to it almost the entire time on my run today. (Five miles; I felt like garbage the entire time but it was good anyway.) The scene is wild. He’s in the middle of a drug induced haze orgy. He SHOULD be having the time of his life but he’s so goddamn miserable. (Also, the juxtaposition between Chris Fleming’s Bennie and the Jets is so funny.)

Part of the problem was that John never understood Elton. But, Elton broke it off with John, not the other way around like he said it was. He wasn’t the victim in that regard. John did treat him like shit though.

Victim of Love plays right after that lmao

Renate and he aren’t even close when they do the duet to don’t let the sun go down on me. They’re separated in different rooms, mirroring literally how closed off their relationship was.

The shot with them waking up in different rooms.. damn

His shirt is so LOUD I’m going crazy

Watching Taron down that orange juice made me a little nauseous I gotta say

“Not really I’m gAy”

It’s CRAZY to watch Elton and his mom interact at the dinner scene. He gets accosted and accused of so much by his mom, claiming SHE’S the victim of his actions, making it all about HER and then he turns around and does and says the exact same shit to Bernie.

He yells “Oh, don’t be so dramatic!” at Bernie as he gets into a taxi. THE PROJECTION!! THE DEFLECTION!!!!

I know there’s only so much they can put in two hours, but I wish they showed more of Elton’s eating issues. He had bulimia for sixteen years before he got help. It’s Absolutely the Man With Anorexia in me, but seeing that even men deal with eating disorders quells the lonely aching something in me. I feel that much less alone, you know. Eating disorders aren’t a “woman’s disease.”

How do you think they did his hair? A wig adds more hair, not take it away. He didn’t get his hair cut for it did he?

Seeing Elton’s first love fall apart because John was such a selfish, heartless prick in reality makes me sad.

Elton hugs his inner child when he reconciled with everyone in his past. Goddamn. He found peace and forgiveness for himself, who he was, even after all that time.

When Elton asks him not to go, Bernie refuses, saying this is something he had to do on his own. Healing comes from within alone. No one can help you do it. People can guide you, but you have to work at it. It’s fucking lonely sometimes, but it’s so, so worth it.

I used to loathe I’m Still Standing since i heard it so much at work, but the movie changed my entire perspective on it. I love the slow build up as he exits the rehab center. You don’t get thrown into something so happy and fast paced and fun after a cathartic climax you need to drink in. And the pan to his hat with the rainbow stripe to his smile. I get chills every time. Elton feels so right and secure and happy in himself. At first I thought it was a bit cheesy, but accepting your sexuality, especially after all the hell he went through during his life, grappling with unresolved trauma and fear of abandonment, he absolutely should wear it loud and proud. It’s easy to think times are much easier now being gay, and it shouldn’t be such a big deal. Relative to 1975, it is easier. But it doesn’t mean it’s not such a rough personal thing to work through if you’ve been spit on and resented all your life. Being gay, coming out, and accepting and being comfortable with that fact must’ve been such a HUGE milestone in Elton’s recovery and self-esteem.

Love me again after I’m still standing is perfect. The credits make me tear up every time. Jeez. What a good movie. What a good movie. Hit me up if you wanna talk about Rocketman because I absolutely will with you.

[rubyleeray]

Top 10 Otome Husbands

@destinedatmidnight​ tagged me (thanks boo!!!) in this Sophie’s Choice style tag and I put a LOT of thought into this! It took me all day (lmao sorry to my boss because I did NO work today. I just held a tournament on paper of my favourite dudes). I am confident in these 10 and I’m hoping I can convince you to be my sister wife with at least one of them if you haven’t tried them yet! 

Things to keep in mind: I have played probably close to 80 games at this point and I’ve liked/loved almost all of them! I’m sticking to characters with Main Stories only and I tried to pick guys I think would make anyone a good husband and not just the guys I stan even though they are garbage XD! (i.e Takeomi Shiina).

In no particular order!

1. Lugar - Cinderella Contract. Hands down the most odd Love Interest in any game I have ever played. When I downloaded the game, I had written him off entirely. I have never been big on blondes and I am not down with mullets, but one day I got his story in a gacha and it was WILD. It was sexy and weird and funny but the perfect mix of all three and I was sold. His back story is also super interesting. He’s a bishop by day and a borderline vigilante at night. His hobbies include biting you, referring to you as “Miss ____” and scolding you. If you like weirdos, you will love Lugar. 

2. Yukimura Sanada - Samurai Love Ballad Party. My first SLBP boy and still my favourite. Yukimura has everything you want from the perfect otome husband. He’s adorable, considerate, and honorable (to a fault at times). He grows up a lot in every route of his and even his enemies respect the hell out of him. If you haven’t played SLBP yet, do it! And start with Yukimura! He’s perfect! His hobbies include sweating, blushing, misunderstanding everything, and wielding a spear. If you like good boys, you will love Yukimura. 

3. Jumin Han - Mystic Messenger. My first otome love ever and still one of my strongest! Jumin is a total surprise when you play his route. He’s odd like Lugar but also chameleon like in that he can shift and be anything and everything whenever. He’s got issues for sure but he acknowledges them and (as much as one can in 11 days) works to improve himself while also showing conviction and going for what he wants. I know everyone loves a dominant Jumin but he is a lot more than his red ribbon. His hobbies include petting his cat, taking shitty pictures, drinking wine, flying places on a whim, and cross stitching.  If you like Ikemen Sengoku’s Kenshin - you will love Jumin Han.

4. Taisuke Nadauchi - Rental Boyfriends. Raise your hand if you were expecting me to pick Takeomi Shiina lol! While Takeomi is hands down the sexiest of the RB gang, Taisuke is the best man overall. He has the best route and dynamic with MC in the whole game. There’s a lot of growth and development from both he and the MC in his route and they have a super healthy and supportive relationship which is a bit of an anomaly in this genre. They are absolutely adorable and you need to experience the magic! His hobbies include doing makeup and hair, roasting everyone around him, staying up late to clean after gatherings, and getting shy over you when you are fresh from a bath. If you loved Toma from Irresistible Mistakes, you will love Taisuke.

5. Chiaki Kira - Several Shades of Sadism. Chiaki is a total brat, but I love him. He’s almost useless without MC but he knows it (which I love), but he will also fight for her when things get rough. He’s cheeky, pushy, hilarious, and good father material in his relationship with Mutsuki. His hobbies include being a pain in the ass, holding things just out of your reach, reading you to filth with hisnyouger brother, not cleaning his room, and burritoing himself in his blankets.  If you like Ikemen Sengoku’s Nobunaga, you will like Chiaki. 

6. Soji Okita - Era of Samurai: Code of Love. Soji is extremely sexy and intimidating (terrifying) to begin with, but quickly it becomes obvious that he is the kind of sweet that makes your knees give out. He is so caring and considerate and everybody loves him. His whole existence might be pure angst, but it beautiful. He will stop at nothing to protect you and practically gives up everything for you. The maturity he brings out of the MC is nothing short of phenomenal. His hobbies include being a dad to every stray child, being bffs with every townsperson, and murder. If you like SLBP’s Saizo and/or Ikemen Sengoku’s Mitsuhide, you will love Soji. 

7. Nobunaga Oda - Ikemen Sengoku. Nobunaga is arrogant, intelligent, open-minded, and sexy as hell, but he also has a super sweet immature side that is really endearing. Everything of his I have read makes me giddy as hell. He is logical and extremely passionate and I totaly dig it. His hobbies include stealing and eating candy, actively avoiding being tickled, playing board games, and not sleeping. If you play religiously or have never played an otome game, you will love Nobunaga.   

8. Yushin Kuze - Decoding Desire. This idiot lmao. I love him so much! He is a total pain in the ass, but he’s also the most transparent love interest ever in that he loves you so damn much. He’s always experimenting with (literally) and inventing things to make MC’s life better/more interesting, but they usually backfire horribly and one or both of them always end up naked?? He’s smart as hell and a lot of fun, but when he gets serious, he’s serious. His hobbies include blowing things up, inventing modifications for both humans and androids often against their will, eating caramel things, and digging large holes for no reason. If you like Ikemen Sengoku’s Masamune, you will like Yushin.   

9. Soryu Oh - Kissed By The Baddest Bidder. Adorable and willing to get murdered for you. Not sure what else to say about him other than he is cute cute cute and I love him so much! He’s so enamored by you and your acceptance of his dark past and present. He’s always trying his best, even if that sometimes means blowing up the kitchen. His hobbies include being jacked, reading detective books, thinking about eggs, and threatening Baba & Ota with his gun when they piss him off. If you like SLBP’s Masamune, you will like Soryu. 

10. Miyabi - Enchanted in the Moonlight. Miyabi is...absolutely delicious. I love how bold and shameless he is. He knows what he wants and he makes it happen but he’s also extremely considerate underneath all his pushiness. Have I mentioned on here that I have a real bad ears and tail kink? His hobbies include rubbing up against your leg, eating Inarizushi, whispering graphic things to you in public, and chasing his tail. If you love SLBP’s Shingen and or Nobunaga, you will love Miyabi. 

(Lmao yes I realize now that most of these guys look the exact same. Tall, Dark, and Handsome never fails!)

Okay I’m sweating now. I tag @pseudofaux, @justjen523, @bulbaqueen, @kawa-akarin, @theweatheredwarrior, @heavenzfiend, @ladyofsamurai, @elnarablr-blog and anyone else who hasn’t done this yet because it’s fun and I love reading them! Sorry if I tagged you and you have already done this! Just send it to me so I can see it! I searched your blogs for key words and terms but I think everyone on here hasnt done it yet! 

[gendice]

(1) oh honey I feel your struggle. I'm a writer in this fandom too and like... I KNOW my stuff is good. I know it. And I have spent MONTHS on fics before only to post them to a lukewarm reception. It sucks because there are so many factors. So many! Posting time vs timezones, how many followers you have, the off chance of a popular blog reblogging it.. etc. And the most frustrating thing is sometimes I'll get a good reception on one website but NONE on another site, for the exact same fic!

The unfortunate thing is that’s just kinda .. how it is. It blows dude like fandom artists don’t really have to face that? The barrier to entry for them is so much lower I think. I’ve been writing for a very long time and I’ve sort of come to terms now with the fact that sometimes a story is just only going to get so many likes/comments/etc. Even when I think it deserves more or even when I feel like I haven’t gotten back nearly as much as I poured into it in the end I just try to remember that I’m writing for me more than anyone else. Everything I write makes me a better writer, so even if I post a fic and it only gets half the notes I’d hoped for, I’m still glad to have written it and put it out there. I’m still glad for the people who did read it and love it. I’m not trying to be preachy or anything, its just hard watching you struggle over something I’ve also struggled with for so very very long :/

Even established writers struggle with this! Like, I have a fic on ao3 that’s got 1000+ kudos and yet the Tumblr post for it slipped completely under the radar with few notes. You just can’t predict the whims of the internet sometimes. The only thing you can do when you’re sad about the reception of a story is to keep writing. The more you write the bigger you audience grows!! It’s the only constant that’s stayed with me from fandom to fandom. If you just keep writing, the readers will come.

sorry for the wall of text!! I really thought your story was lovely, and had a unique style to it. I hope you keep on writing no matter what, from one writer to another. Don’t be discouraged :)

hhhh h h ok i don’t want to discredit artists bc i know they spend a lot of time and effort on their works too but i think it’s easier for them to get notes/reception bc their works are visual and people can see what it is at a glance and decide whether they like it or not instead of having to spend actual time reading a bunch of words lol 

but anyway you’re right and logically i DO know there are plenty of factors to how well a fic will be received but also i can’t help but worry that it’s my fault that they’re doing so poorly?? i worry that the content that im putting out isn’t what people want to see which is the reason why my fics do so badly and, idk, i want to know what im doing wrong and what i can do to make it better but i just can’t? im not trying to say that my fics are better than those that get more hits/kudos but i can’t help it when i look at some more popular fics and i try to study them but i dont get what people like about them so much?? sorry this just makes me sound like a jackass but it’s probably just personal preference and mine being so different from the majority of the fandom’s which is also why i can’t write stuff that people like 

god i know everyone says that you should write for yourself and part of me does which is why i stick so closely to the style that i do but also it’s just,, numbers in the form of hits/kudos/notes serve as affirmation that my stuff is good, and it’s the only thing my flimsy-ass self esteem can rely on because i absolute hate hate h a t e the stuff that i make sometimes and i doubt myself so much all the time so when i see that a fic does well, it tells me that hey this isnt so bad, but when i see a fic flop it’s like, confirmation that my stuff stinks big time which is. its a sucky feeling. i know it’s not good to have that kind of mentality but it’s just the way that i am??? lets be real here like i can say in confidence that im a thirsty bitch and i do want people to read and like and kudos my stuff and my self esteem gets kicked repeatedly every time my fics flop so. h yea h 

honestly if it werent for my followers on here (sorry 2 everyone) and me shoving my fics in their faces i probably wont even get more than 100 hits on my fics lol and i feel kind of bad bc a part of me wants to deserve the hits and kudos that i get instead of having them just bc i kept yelling at my followers about my fics (i kind of feel like those people who would hold up the news and yell hear ye in medieval times or whatever) but. idk im conflicted cos i know this is one kind-of efficient way to get people to notice my fics. but part of me feels Bad when i do so too but idk. its also bc of this that i refuse to tag people or ask them directly to rb my fic posts bc i’d feel really guilty and ashamed and i don’t want to use people in that way?? and i’m not close friends with a lot of people on here either especially popular content creators so honestly i don’t think a lot of writers/blogs with large followings would rb my fic posts either so basically im just fucking myself over lol 

god sorry im ranting and i know i don’t technically have a right to bitch so much since as i’ve said before 1) my stuff isn’t as good as some other people who i know face this same problem and honestly deserve so much more attention for their works and 2) i havent even been writing for that long so i really am not allowed to complain but hh h h idk i just get super frustrated over this i cant help it

[lcncasters-blog]

hey everyone!!! i’m d, i’m 23, and i use they/them pronouns. super hyped about being here so i’ma just get right into it

so kai is my fave character and kinda notoriously The Worst while also being The Best, so i’m warning y’all before we even go in that he’s actually so sloppy and wild pls proceed w/ caution. i’ve been playing him for over 4 years. that being said, he does have a fuck ton of information, so while the bullet points are going to be as condensed as i can possibly make them, you should really check out the appearance section (or you can just look at my sidebar which is wonderful artwork of kai one of my close friends did for me --- give them love on their art blog nialls ok SO talented) of his STATS FRAMEWORK and then if you really hate yourself i have a DEVELOPMENT TAG too with a bunch of headcanons (feel free to RB the rebloggable ones from me btw)

LOUIS TOMLINSON? no ⏤ KAI LANCASTER, the DEMIBOY is TWENTY-THREE and was born with a GOLD soul, and now has a GREY soul. i would describe HIM/THEM as EXUBERANT + BRAVE, yet CARELESS + IMPATIENT. KAI spends HIS/THEIR time PLAYING AT SMALL VENUES WITH HIS ALT ROCK BAND AND WORKING AS A NANNY and has lived in seattle for TWO YEARS.

TW FOR TERMINAL ILLNESS/CANCER, SUBSTANCE ABUSE MENTIONS, ABLEISM, & MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

kai was born a gold soul into a pretty posh, old-money typea family in manchester, uk. like i’m talking on his mothers side they’re all doctors, lawyers, scholars, etc, etc, and on his dad’s side entrepeneurs. his parents themselves built a fairly large business from the ground up together that now goes by the name of lancaster industries. their current biggest venture and pretty much what they’ve built the whole of their fortune on is a chain of luxury hotels that you can find basically in every major city in the world.

he had 3 younger sisters who he essentially raised considering his parents were too busy to be around during their childhood. only two of them are still living, his youngest sister having passed a couple years ago at the age of 7 from leukemia.

his mother is literally the devil? kai always hated school/struggled in it for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which were his not diagnosed adhd and his dyslexia, which he never got the help he probably needed for. he’s always kinda just thought he was extremely stupid, and that idea was reinforced by the way his mother always used to tell him the very same thing. “think harder, kai. use your brain.” is a phrase that’s essentially been reinforced so many times in his head, he p much hears her voice ringing in his ears every time he gets so much as vaguely confused now.

that being said, despite how he struggled in school, he was always a very vibrant, kind, charismatic, and magnetic young person. he tends to draw people into him with his silly nature and upbeat attitude, and he’s kind of the Eternal Optimist, so he was fairly popular when he was attending. to say he has eccentricities would be putting it lightly, and he’s loud, never seeming to run out of things to say or fail to command the interest of the room.

anyway things with his mum only got worse in his relationship with her when he barely managed to complete his a levels by the skin of his teeth (and with an absurd amount of tutoring), and then refused to go to the university of her choosing. she p much wanted him to “get his shit together” so he could take over the family business someday, but i am not kidding when i say kai would wilt away and probably legit just die if he had to work in a place like that forever – and that’s assuming he even got through business school in the first place.

his father was always a push-over and sort of was absent/bent to her will when he was around, so he didn’t bother to defend kai when his mother decided 2 cut him off from everything and essentially ex-communicate him once she realised he was refusing 2 be manipulated and forced into shit anymore.

that was at age 18, and by that point he had plans to move out and travel to london with his best mate anyway, so he was basically like “peace out” and got the hell out of dodge. he still harbours a lot of guilt for abandoning his younger sisters, particularly so considering his youngest one fell ill so soon after his departure.

he lives, breathes, and sleeps piano. music as a whole is something he’s passionate about, having taken the time to develop his somewhat unorthodox voice, but the way his fingers fly over the ivories is a living art form more than it is anything. it’s how he communicates, how he speaks his deepest truth and just like? put those feelings out there into the world that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to articulate in the common vernacular.

so what he wants to do with his life is to just? talk to people? through his music? to play for them and the be in front of a crowd every night and to feel the energy of them, to command them with his presence and to exist with them in that way. he almost gets high off of it? he’s been playing small shows since age nineteen with his band, but since he moved to america he obvi hasn’t had them and has been on his own.

SORRY I’M REALLY TRYING TO CONDENSE THIS so ok basically he was in love w this girl from the time they were 14. they lost their virginity 2 each other, they were on & off all through HS, & then through to age 20 after he moved away and all that. she was v v ill and struggled with mental illness and kai tried his best 2 take care of her, but he was always in over his head despite his dedication to like making her feel OKAY. she needed help that he could not give 2 her, and they ended up breaking up & him letting her go at the end. she died soon after that, and it remains unclear 2 him whether or not it was a suicide. it was officially ruled as an “accident”, but he knows different and yeah i mean. essentially like.... the most “smudges” on his soul kinda came from his sitch w her bc he was always coming and leaving and dropping her and returning when she needed him and like. he TRIED but he just COULDN’T? anyways

after that he got involved with this boy who was a substance abuser, addicted to H to b exact, and for a while he thought that he was getting better and they were building off of each other, building a healthy life together. the fact he called kai his “new addiction” was probably never a good thing, but kai didn’t recognize that at the time. they got engaged eventually, and kai was 100% convinced that he was the actual love of his life after caro. of course, in the end, it wasn’t built to last, and when it went bad, it went really bad. kai eventually felt like there was a chasm several miles deep between them, and he had no hope of getting to the other side again. he broke it off, broke the guy’s heart, and made his soul even darker.

THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA AN OPTION CONNECTION OKAY SO IF ANY1 IS INTERESTED PLS PLS LMK!!!

kai has been posting vids on YT of him covering songs on his YouTube for like actual years, and when he was around 20 he met this person via the comments section on one of them. they seemed to be quite the fan of his interpretation of some of the songs he chose to play. they ended up talking more and more as time went on, exchanging contact information, and grew very very very close.

that was the start of the LDR that is what brought him to america/to seattle in the first place. they were together for about eight months and had seen each other in person three times for a total of about 3 weeks before he made the decision to get started on his visa and move to the states. the moment he was able to, he crossed the pond and moved in w them!!

strain on their relationship was created when at first kai was unable to find work and contribute to the bills and the household funds. they lived in a tiny flat, and going from barely seeing each other to having each other all at once and all the time was a lot. on top of that, kai was homesick and restless and felt trapped because that’s what kai does and it’s not okay and it’s totally wrong and he cheated on them soooo there’s another tick against his soul ig. within six months of his arrival, they broke up, and kai moved out.

he couch surfed w some friends he’d met 4 a while, and eventually found a decent paying job as a nanny for a well off family.

he plays live shows at small venues in bars/clubs and still seeks to make a living as a musician but it’s hard out there and plus his soul aint exactly the prettiest to look at any more. i mean he doesn’t have a DARK DARK grey soul, it’s more a lighter grey, not quite silver, but definitely not storm clouds.

he’s still working on getting his full citizenship though he’s v v v close 2 it & has been lowkey getting help from his cousin w paying for the process so!!

THAT’S BASICALLY IT

last but not least IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY  ICOULDN’T MAKE THIS SHORTER I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND fEELIGNSA

SEND ME AN IM OR LIKE IF YOU WANT TO PLOT!

[kkukkung]

it makes me happy that wonho gets to go to his mums cafe? it seems like he goes there a lot and i wouldn't really expect him to get that much freedom or free time? so i'm really happy ahhh +other idols going there! i hope the other members go sometimes toooo

jdjfienzhd you’re so pretty!!!! I love your hair! 😭me too!!!!!! tbh i’m still so surprised he gets to do that??? feel like generally monsta x has a lot more freedom than they did in 2015 + the first half of 2016, especially bc i’m p sure they have their phones and idk… just generally they seem to be so much more comfortable navigating the industry and it makes me happy :’>

more replies (dated oldest to newest) under the cut~

youre so beautiful i cry

omg… i…. thank you im sry im replying so so late (so late that… i forgot the context for it….) but rly… thank u… idk how to respond adequately to kind anons but rly i think ur all so so lovely for taking the time just to tell someone something nice like this tyvm i hope ur faring well anon and ur… v beautiful too i Know it… 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Don’t look @ me but minhyuk in the kihyun cooking vlive was S*xy he was a lil dirty and mean and Real Boy™ it was……h*t anyways whns he gonna kick flip me outta this hemisphere

shut up fjfkhsggjk me too he’s like… such a dirty sock sometimes but he’s MY dirty sock u know… my favourite minhyuk is when he peels off his 50000 layers of fake personas and u see a glimmer of chaotic glee flit by in his alien countenance i love him sm sm sm when he’s a bit gross n mean n Filthy…. that’s my boy!!!!!!! that’s my boY!!!

tbh i never really thought Kihyun is perverted so i was a little suprised when it came up, and some people are saying now that they felt it (lol?), u said you also knew it, im sorry this so stupid but im really confused, like i dunno i always knew kihyun had an attitude but a perv ? lmao (not conplaining, just confused and a little lost, love ya) bye

omg lol sorry darling this isn’t stupid at all! i was 50% kidding 50% srs… he’s not… like actually ~perverted~ (none of them rly are??? but mb ck has the most Curiosity and he + mh make the most… dirty jokes… + wonho sometimes but he’s more happy in his softness ANYWAY) idk this is a bit irrelevant but just to explain, language-wise i always associate korean closer w chinese so even if im watching smth in eng sub i translate the subs into… chinese… kind of… to understand it better… and the word 변태 (byuntae) is the equivalent of 变态 (biantai) in chinese and while it means pervert/perverted it’s also just a general term for being strange/abnormal (in fact that’s its correct/real meaning + the former is more slang)… i think minhyuk was playing around with the connotations of it as well as just poking fun at kihyun bc he likes seeing kihyun look indignant! that said my 50% srsness in relation to this is… bc… um… i see kihyun as being… mb… into Some Things skjhfgkj but i won’t elaborate here!

minhyuk called wonho “hoseokie-hyung” once during fighter promotions if you didn’t know already 👀

me: *digging a 165cm long hole in the exact shape of my body* this is fine

Kihyun just wants to take up space .. as much as possible 💦😩

(this was in relation to when i called him out for manspreading…) maximum surface area for more efficient diffusion of his [redacted] [redacted]

Do you check out blogs?? hehe

yes sure jus like…. link me… jkfshg i tend to follow content creators/ppl who write interesting tags and i try not to follow anyone too much younger/older than me, that’s abt all! :>

minhyuk cuddling on jooheon during the no exist prologue was so 👌👌 sapping all of jooheon’s warmth while looking so soft and cute how does minhyuk do it 😩😩

it’s rly his Thing hm hm not to get… sappy but he’s so… full of love and jus wants to be physically close w everyone also when will he stop playing w his bottom lip… official minhyuk emoticon: >:3c

Annie your new mobile theme is so pink and pretty!!!!

tysm!!! sorry this is a late reply so it’s not… entirely relevant anymore jhsgfg but… i think i’m always going to have a pastel colour + bunny theme on this blog it’s my Branding now…. ty ty! 💖

“Reminds me of raw chicken” lmaooooo same 😂😂

(in relation to this post fjdkshg) i lov my uncooked chicken boy

U kno that clip of Michael Scott on the office where he yells “I’m gonna kill myself and it’s your fault” that’s me…. every time monsta x do something….. every time they change their hair colour….. I want death….I’m such a dramatic hoe

me!!!! too!!!! rly a lot more excited for monsta x’s new hair colours than i am… abt Most Things lol… happy w everyone’s hair colours except wonho’s ://// pls go darker

i legit think your tags are the best thing ever 

lov u! my tags are v messy and mostly whatever goes thru my mind in that given moment before i hit the rb tbh but i’m glad u enjoy them! 💖💖

What’s your favorite wonho pic?

currently:

Omg have u seen that mnet ep that had mx on right after their debut and it had hyorin and soyou on too and minhyuk was litrally. Losing his mind like they talked about his ideal type comment I think and soyou called him cute and then later he got put on soyou’s team for some game and he straight up lost his mind he was so excited dlfmgnk can he. Relax for one sec

jkdfshggkjsjdkfh i don’t remember this???? i feel like i probably watched smth like it a long time ago like i rmbr a few very awkward mx/sistar interactions after they just debuted. but this. i have to find this and watch it gjkshkjdfg. minhyuk has… no chill he’s not capable of being a normal human being… but also why is this me i would.. die if soyou looked @ me so umm……………lov my relatable man… my love rival… real talk it’s v cute that he likes her n i think generally lmh has a good people sense/knows what he wants from others

(the anon w the younger brother here!) he .. actually said wonho looked like a wolf???? im so ?????? abt that like where did it come from … also jooheon looks like a friend, changkyun just looks “overwhelmingly fed up” apparently????, and according to him hyungwon just has the （ ͡° _ゝ ͡° ） face ,,v interesting …

(part 1 of this!) omgggg this is still v cute i don’t see the ?? wolfiness of wonho (i am… after all… tumgler user bunnywonho…), but i can see how jooheon is shaped like a friend + ck is… finished… done… a lil bit dead inside-looking but not Really like that, n hyungwon… sjhfg i can… kinda see that too… ty for sharing this btw it’s v wholesome

♥️ sending you good vibes –an admirer

omg PLEASE “an admirer” ur too much… thank u though im sending good vibes back sweetheart 💕💕💕💕 got plenty of Good Feelings lately ily thank u thank u 💕

MINHYUK MAKES YOU THINK HE’S GOOD AND PURE. THEN HE BECOMES THIS EVIL LITTLE THING. LIKE A PUPPY CONSTANTLY BITING YOUR FEET

i feel like minhyuk stans are divided btwn… wanting to Love him intensely n lowkey wanting 2 smack him ??

BYE WHAT TH DOES “Die under kihyun” MEAN

(in relation to the tags on this post jkgfhsjkhf) IDK i think i just meant he isn’t as…. bullied w kihyun as the other members often are?? they operate on the same level… it wasn’t anything dirty if u were thinking it was…👀👀👀 im a pure stan w a bunny themed blog… 

So do you have a link to this sexuality analysis 👀

SORRY for the late reply it’s just here! don’t rly agree w some of it but other parts were insightful!

jdjfienzhd you’re so pretty!!!! I love your hair! 😭

hfddsjfkjsfjk thank u i’m jus…. a bean…. navigating the cosmos at the same time as monsta x…. and u, cutie……….. tysm my ego grows bigger w every nice msg i get… hope smth good happens to u today ily! 💓💓

that video of the guy ripping his pants n his dick flopping out is wonhos nightmare during every performance when he has to wear tight clothes

BE QUIET JKSHGSF I NEVER READ THIS ASK

is wonho turning 25 or 26?? im confused

he was born in 1993 officially (altho there is some speculation abt whether or not he was rly born in 92) but if we’re going by that then technically he’s turned 24, korean age 25 (bc ur 1 when ur born)… but he’s 26 by the lunar calendar… v confusing i know

Wow can’t believe youre a wonhoe anti 😕😕😕😖😖😖😧😧😧🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒

shh sdhjgkf but real talk i love wonho + minhyuk in v different… unquantifiable ways :’00

[mixtbutnotlikethat]

Okay, I genuinely cannot read this word for word but im gonna try to work through this & give a proper response.

1. Obviously there's nothing wrong with tagging actual content related to being mixed with the appropriate tags? I do that on this blog bc my content is centered around our experiences being mixed.

My issue is with people who use their status as mixed as a selling point of sorts, to exotify themselves and push the exact same fetishization that other people target us with. There's literally no purpose for tagging things like selfies with mixed or biracial other than for people who fetishize us to find us...it isn't a resource of any kind, its for attention. And that's just facts.

As someone who's been sexualized & fetishized for being mixed my whole life, it makes me uncomfortable.

2. I don't use "white mix" primarily for black/white mixes...this is actually my first time using it to refer to anyone specific who wasn't a white/native mix! There are white mixes & non-white mixes. That's not dehumanizing.

3. You literally do imply black/white is the only option when every post you make uses the term "biracial" and then goes onto say "experience racism from both black & white people" or "owe anything to neither black people nor white people". It's okay to speak from your own experiences, but it's not debatable that the language you use implies "biracial" always refers to people like you & only you.

I am not the only non-white mix who has this issue, white mixes tend to leave all other options out of posts that are supposed to represent all of us. It's literally why I made this blog.

4. I don't understand how "racial trauma" is extra. "Racial" is an adjective to describe the nature of the trauma. I am literally diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, much of which is rooted in the racially charged abuse I dealt with in childhood. Literally what is the issue?

Having Black family & loved ones or even being Black doesn't make us exempt from having internalized antiblackness. We all have unhealthy shit to unlearn.

5. I literally am a biracial person. I made a blog for people like me who have been hurt by people mixed with white in spaces that were meant to be for all mixed people. Resources & safe spaces are not the same as segregation.

6. This blog is extremely new & not my main blog...I made this like last month. Literally 3 people liked it from your rb. How old is your blog?

Now, I only gave this any attention in the first place because like I said this blog is new & I thought it'd be important to publicly set these boundaries & explain my pov on some of your commentary. I won't be acknowledging you any further. You're free to keep "not giving me attention" while you rb this repeatedly though lol

Very gentle and loving reminder that you’re not obligated to claim or be involved in a community/culture that has rejected or excluded you for being mixed.