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theterrorreversebang · 5 months

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Presenting, for your viewing and reading pleasure: the final collection of this year's Terror Reverse Bang, a feast of gorgeous artwork, beautiful fic, friendship, laughter, tears, …some horny. OK, a lot of horny.

You can find the AO3 collection for the event here. Summaries and links to the artwork below the cut.

Thank you all for going on this fantastic journey with us.

Eat well and enjoy.

- ❤️, Charlie and Vio

amateur operator (T, hickey/irving tozer/irving, 10.5k)

artwork and concept by entangled_system

fic by pointyshades

At an isolated research station at the top of a warming world, in the most inhospitable place on Earth for communications, John Irving studies signal propagation - and studiously avoids the obvious metaphor. John’s had a lot of practice at ignoring the obvious, but when an improbable random contact with an amateur radio operator calling himself "EC" leads to even more improbable regular contact with the same operator, not even John can ignore the ridiculous reality: a growing relationship with someone he knows only by their call sign; a relationship conducted half in Morse code.

John's real-life connections aren't going half so well, and neither is his research: his radio equipment keeps suffering accidents, and he can't stop getting into arguments with Sergeant Tozer, the man assigned to help him fix it. Frustrated, he turns even further toward his relationship with EC - and finds himself being urged down a path of paranoia as to who is actually damaging his equipment.

an arcane kind of murder (M, fitzier, 7.5k)

artwork and concept by pretendingday

fic by shakespeares_girl

At the Baronet Franklin's annual tourney, a series of murders begins. Francis is pressed into investigating, with the help of James Fitzjames. But Lord Franklin won't cancel the tournament, and the murders are getting more and more violent.

as per my last email (E, joplittle, 67.2k)

artwork and concept by mitarashi8

fic by manicpixiedreamjop

Edward Little has lived his life the way he thought he was supposed to. He went to a good university, got a good job as the head of PR at Erebus men’s magazine, and bought a home. He blames the fact that he hans’t dated since university on the fact that he doesn’t have time and not the fact that it terrifies him, and spends what little free time he has trying to pretend he isn’t miserable.

His neighbour Thomas Jopson has lived his life the only way he knows how. He fought his way from a childhood in foster care into a degree and a career that he loves, spending his days doing social work and his evenings volunteering with a local nonprofit supporting queer youth in the foster system. He plans his days down to the second, hardly allowing himself time for anything outside of work and sleep, but he is, at least mostly, satisfied.

When Edward’s boss is quoted saying something homophobic, it’s Edward’s job to clean up the mess, which leads him to the nonprofit that Thomas volunteers with. This new connection has the potential to turn both Edward and Thomas’ lives upside down. If only the two of them actually liked each other.

barghest. (T, joplittle, 10.3k)

artwork and concept by oughtnots

fic by derry_rain

Edward Little is a humble accountant in the late 1920s, but he has lately become haunted by visions of death: his own death, in the form of a great black dog not unlike one that bit him as a child. When his endless visions of ice and snow and the black dog won't end, he finds himself turning to a paranormal private eye: Thomas Jopson.

be that my cue to crave you (E, little/le vesconte, 9.6k)

artwork and concept by bilgewater01

fic by orchis

“If I could eat anything right now—”

“Henry.”

“Anything at all, from all the dishes and delicacies I've ever stuffed my face with—”

“Henry.”

“I think I'd go for an apple,” he finishes. “How awfully pedestrian of me. Nothing fancy, just an apple, and I don't even have the strong teeth for it anymore.”

“Henry.”

He huffs. “I hear you,” he says, and Edward can imagine him frowning, lips pursed. He wishes he could see him in the dark. “Tell me what you'd have, then, and I'll shut up about it.”

As the dark winters of the Arctic stretch before him, Edward yearns and craves and waits.

dear john (T, hodgson/irving/little, 16.6k)

artwork and concept by turnofthesentry

fic by mxjopsonfan

When John receives an anonymous love letter he resolves immediately to find the culprit. Little does he know that he is about to go on a voyage of self-discovery, realisations of deep affection, and three of her Majesty's naval Lieutenants showing how incapable they are of being Normal About Feelings.

ice wine (M, fitzier, 19.9k)

artwork and concept by o-rchidae

fic by melismata

Sir John, English wine pioneer, has survived every crisis since the 70s. Surely three bad harvests and a global pandemic aren't such a big deal? Fortunately, everyone else at Parable Wines agrees the business urgently needs saving. Unfortunately, no-one agrees how.

iceblink luck (M, fitzier, 30.4k)

artwork and concept by marella-moon - x

fic by perenial

October, 1987. With the Thatcher government entering its third term, Defence minister Sir John Franklin looks to offload two of his dockside London properties: one, a successful dance school directed by celebrated principal danseur James Fitzjames, and the other, a century-old boxing gym helmed by former middleweight Olympic hopeful turned disgraced misanthrope Francis Crozier.

In a show of generosity, Franklin offers Crozier the chance to buy out the gym he's poured over a decade of work into. It should be the opportunity he's been waiting for – except Crozier's barely keeping the gym afloat as it is, and Franklin's asking price far exceeds his means. With only one month to cough up the funds or forfeit the gym, Crozier finds himself backed into a corner, fighting for a piece of history he refuses to let go and against a past that's just waiting for him to give in.

matching such unlikes (G, fitzier, 7.5k)

artwork and concept by asparklethatisblue

fic by acephalous

In which Sir John tries his hand at matchmaking: after all who could be a more perfect match for his dear niece than James Fitzjames?

our flag means mutiny (T, hickey/gibson, 8.5k)

artwork and concept by o-rchidae

fic by borderparasol

Cornelius Hickey, William Gibson, and Solomon Tozer have successfully pulled off a grand mutiny, stealing HMS Terror to sail on the open seas and live their life free from the shackles of the Empire, plundering and making their living as pirates!

So...now what? And does anybody know how to fish?

provenance (M, jopzier fitzier silna/goodsir, 7.7k)

artwork and concept by kaupaint

fic by hangingfire

Three relics of the lost Franklin Expedition.

“Don't you get it yet? It must act like a recording, fixed in the floor and the walls. Right in the substance of them, a trace of what happened in there. And we pick it up. We act as detectors, decoders, amplifiers … It would have to be in the stone.”

—The Stone Tape, Nigel Kneale, 1972

reform your behaviour (E, irving/jopson, 9.4k)

artwork and concept by royaielfroot

fic by somelikeitred (ringofboubt)

After finding Hickey and Gibson in a compromising position, Lieutenant Irving intends to inform the Captain immediately. But when he finds Jopson first the Captain's steward persuades him to be lenient.

“Is it necessary to condemn the men -," Jopson considered his words, searching for the phrasing least likely to spook the lieutenant, "-over a desire for companionship? Is it so unforgivable for a man to be lonely?”

John studied him carefully; unable to formulate any response. Surely, Jopson could not be arguing that such vices were acceptable.

sent to the sea (E, annfitzrossier, 10.4k)

artwork and concept by brainyraccoons

fic by swanfloatieknight

After James Ross rescued them, Francis and James return to London in 1848. Francis lives with the Rosses in married bliss.

If only he could stop thinking about James Fitzjames, the bond they shared in the Arctic, and the last letter he sent that Fitzjames never replied to.

sweet to tongue, sound to eye (T, hodgson/irving/little, 10.1k)

artwork and concept by brimstone-cowboy

fic by unnecessary

After an Admiralty party bidding them farewell, the lieutenants get lost in Hampstead Heath. But not all is as it seems...

those wretched beings (M, multiple characters, 7.8k)

artwork and concept by melisusthewee

fic by notinmylab

A very literal take on the idea that colonialism is an infectious disease and that English ships are the carriers. Or, a zombie AU where Something Else is on the ice with them.

unerring devotion (T, jopzier, 7.5k)

artwork and concept by awhbeans

fic by yellow

Everyone else called Francis Frank, but in the quiet of their tent Thomas called him Francis.

Francis wore his two identities awkwardly, like an ill-fitting suit he couldn’t take off. He slipped into old fashioned speech and complained that people thought it affected. But Thomas liked it, just like he liked that Francis still let him call him Francis, and didn’t insist they were different people now. Quite the opposite.

If anything, Thomas was the one who had taken his two lives and separated them neatly, folded them and put them away. With Francis he could take out Thomas and put it on, like crawling into another skin. It was worn and battered but Francis seemed to like it best, and Thomas was glad of it.

---

Thomas Jopson and Francis Crozier are reincarnated. They find each other, and then they set out to find their missing men.

unknown by name or rank (E, joplittle, 17.1k)

artwork and concept by mitarashi8

fic by hypallepse

Years after the Great War, in a tiny illegal pub in the British countryside, Thomas met an awkward veteran and Edward a mysterious war nurse. They almost crashed in their desire to get to know each other, they shared an evening like no other, before having their night cut short by a police raid. How to find the other back with no memory of each other’s name or address? Why even try?

Both of them will stumble in the dark, battling the remnants of the war, unaware of the secret they will unearth in their effort to get that new chance at life.

#theterroreversebang2024 #the terror reverse bang 2024 #masterpost #the terror #the terror amc #amc the terror

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waxingrunes · 8 months

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I’m going to probe into your brain about something because I really enjoy your answers to things and because you seem willing to answer these type of questions I’m taking my shot! Do you think Remus enjoys being a werewolf? Do you think Sirius has ever been scared of him because of it? Do padfoot and moony fight? Slightly more not safe for work but what do you think things are like in bed between then before and after the full moon? You can skip that if you want but I see so many takes I’m curious about yours

I know that it takes a lot of steam to think about these answers so please take your time and feel free to just completely ignore if you don’t have the energy. Thank you for being the way you are and I can’t wait for your next art!!

The way you spelt out the acronym made me laugh. I see you trying to dip under the tumblr patrol. This will end up being a lengthy answer so to avoid taking up an obnoxious space on everyone’s feeds, read on if you’re interested:

To answer your questions in order, I don’t think Remus likes being a werewolf at all. His condition can be an isolating one for many reasons and has very little, if any, benefit. I think Remus has grown up learning to broadly keep himself to himself, keep his head down, and to not cause trouble so as to dissuade any extra attention being drawn to him. Remus is quite a shy, unassuming person by default, and due to the backlash of fear, abuse, and general distaste towards his lycanthropy, he’s built a defence mechanism to mask that shyness which can sometimes come across as standoffish. I think he’s scared of his abilities when the full moon draws in and used to try and compensate for that by making sure he pushed people away, which only leant to further isolation.

I saw this quote somewhere recently which I believe rings true with regard to Remus (and Sirius, but that’s another conversation) ‘to love and to be loved is to rest’. When Remus established himself as a Marauder and grew within the confines of those friendships, it taught him a lot about what it meant to be vulnerable. It taught him trust, and that there are people out there, even in the places he’d least expect it, that will see him for who he is and not what he turns into at the height of every moon.

So no, whilst I don’t think Remus would check the 10 box on a of ‘How Cool Is It To Be A Werewolf’ scale, I think as he made his way through adolescence into a grown man, he’s accepted himself with the aid of human connection; something he denied himself in its authenticity before. He’s learnt that he doesn’t need to do a balancing act of people pleasing and pushing them away in order to protect himself and others.

Is Sirius afraid of Moony? No. I think there’s a natural instinctual element of fear of the unknown in all of us, so when it was confirmed, there was undoubtedly a few ‘what-if’ moments going through his mind. But scared in the sense where he thought Remus would hurt him, no. Whenever Sirius thinks of the full moon, his predominant thoughts are of Remus’ health and the potential fallout after one. He doesn’t picture the creature, he thinks about what that creature is going to do to Remus. His lead emotions are concern and protection, coupled with a wild instinct to make it all go away as quickly as possible and if he can’t do that, then he’s going to make it as easy as possible.

As I say, I don’t think Sirius is scared but I do think he’s logical and he’s not going to show any outward fear when Remus or anyone else is around. Any doubts he’s ever experienced will be privately locked away and mulled over, because he knows how Remus views himself and would rather take the force of the full moon himself than ever add to those insecurities. But he isn’t stupid, and is human at the end of the day. He knows what Remus is capable of when he’s Moony and no matter how gentle a person Remus is, no matter how soft he is at the core, there will always be a very small private part of him that will be on extra alert during each transformation.

Padfoot and Moony always scrap. It’s my impression that Remus would’ve been frenzied at the first couple of meetings and, much like Remus, his wolf’s initial reaction to possible threat would be to either run or challenge. Constantly caught between fight or flight and fight— they did. Those first two or three tussles would’ve been genuine ones whilst the wolf and dog got used to each other. Sirius would be trying to disarm the fight mainly, but give the wolf as good as he got. Despite the size differences, Sirius is scrappy, fast and tactile; his dog is big, but not as big as Moony who is more brute strength over cunning attack. I could actually see Moony being a bit dopey when he’s relaxed.

Going forward from that, any fight between them would be pure puppy play, play fighting that sometimes looked a little too real to an innocent onlooker but was always just stupid scrapping for idle dominance.

I have a hc that Sirius had teased and teased Remus so much one time (because he knew he could, Remus is a soft melt and know it means no harm) about how he won the last ‘three fights Moony, three.’ Pokes him. ‘I know there’s not much muscle to match your size yet but aren’t you supposed to be stronger than me? Am I dealing with a wolf or a cub’. Sirius would make him roll his eyes so hard he nearly lost them, or blush, because he’d grab his thigh under the table and squeeze. Which was meant to be nothing more than a reassuring, I’m just playing Moons, but translated as something much more in Remus’ head.

The teasing continued until Sirius went to try and tackle Remus, not Moony, one night in the common room and because he’d made the mistake of doing it in the couple days before the moon, Remus was less inclined to be so soft and grew bored of the jibe. With a Sirius latched onto his back and a pale, determined forearm around his neck, Remus used his size to his advantage and flung him up and over, flipping him forward with a loud THWOP onto one of the couches. The common room would’ve been half shouts of support for Remus and cheers, etc, whilst Remus leant down close enough only Sirius would hear, and, ‘cub’s getting tired of playtime’. Remus returned the squeeze to his thigh, hard enough to elicit a squeak from an exacerbated Sirius and leave.

James, king of cool, ‘I think that was his equivalent to telling you to go fetch mate’.

A cushion would’ve landed on James’ head shortly thereafter.

As for the acronym :) I think Remus’ mood wouldn’t be fixed to one setting either side of the moon. The moon’s influence would have his senses heightened than normal people at all times, but the closer the full drew in, all of those would be amped up to something that was sometimes unbearable. Other times, it was manageable.

Sometimes he might have experienced a wave of depression and not know how to counteract it, sometimes he might have been more tearful, other times he might’ve been angrier. Overall, I think there’s always a general lack of patience with himself and others in the couple of days leading up. This doesn’t mean he turned into a rude arsehole, but someone who was just a little more worn than usual; I imagine a lot of leg jogging and restlessness, an appetite fit for three grown men, grogginess, inability to sleep or a tendency to oversleep.

Getting to the acronym— I got carried away, apologies. I think in general, there would be a period where it’d feel similar to a rush of hormones and Remus would want to annihilate Sirius. This elicits a behaviour that he’s not always been proud of and sometimes punishes himself for if it’s an aggressive moon, but Sirius is no feather, he is no daisy that feels like he’s been ravaged by a Big Bad Wolf and always reassures him that it’s absolutely fine. More than fine. I believe it took Sirius some time to admit that he actually really fucking loves that side of Remus and will allow himself and Remus, to cave to the animalistic vein that rears its head. There’s no chance of Sirius topping in those days and every chance he’s going to be limping.

Following the moon, I don’t think there would be much libido present on Remus’ side on the most part as his body’s energy is honed in on healing itself back to full strength, and those sorts of things are the last thing on his mind for the following 24-72 hours. Especially if the moon was difficult. However, if there is intimacy in this period it’ll be slow and handsy; lots of hand and mouth action, lots of kissing and touching but nothing too intruding. If penetration is wanted and they are particularly in the mood then Sirius is most likely to top here so he can let Remus relax for a bit while quelling the sexual urge. If Remus tops, it’ll be slow and Sirius would take the lead.

Some chocolate for you for making it to the end.

#ask #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #remus #sirius

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avoidantrecovery · 1 year

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i'm trying to put my new "thoughts" and "findings" about AvPD into words and coherent sentences and i find it nearly impossible. i have a plan, i want to try something new, but i don't know how to explain it all. maybe i can try a list:

disclaimer: this is just a list with things i want to do for myself not medical advice or some tried and tested key on how to solve avpd or anything like that 😭

i noticed that many who suffer with AvPD have an extremely negative view of themselves (their "self" if you will) including me of course

our "self" was wounded through trauma, abuse, neglect, being ostracized or abandoned etc...

the fear, inhibition, anxiety, feeling unappealing, etc... we struggle with is a result of having a self that is wounded, not the personality in of itself

moving through this world with a "self" that is not strong enough to support us causes us to appear that way

we internalized our abusers view of ourselves, leading to the "wounded self" and extremely negative view of self

and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy since a wounded self leads to avoidance, retreat and isolation

it's just natural to want to protect yourself and feel safe if you feel your "self" is so fragile and makes you easily attackable

but that then leads to more feelings of inadequacy which leads to more avoidance etc...

the relational self atrophies over time and we feel worse as time goes on

i wrote about that here and also here

but still, there is no point in superficially forming connections with people (be they friendships, jobs, relationships, etc...) without taking care of that wounded self first

if the wounded self isn't, i don't want to use the word "healed" here, but let's say filled with more positive view of itself, all that happens is that you take the negative view of self wherever you go

wherever you go, there you are, as they say

it simply leads to self-sabotage, ghosting and feelings of inadequacy etc... just in a new surrounding

or you mask up in order to fit in, which is not tenable over time

especially with relationships you will sooner or later have to reveal your truly vulnerable side, which requires shedding of the mask, which is when people with AvPD usually bail

if anything those are the stories of AvPD that scare me the most, people who through sheer grit and hard work manage to reach their goals and then end up abandoning it all, because nothing has changed and the feelings of adequacy are still there and they can only keep up the facade for so long

people quit jobs they worked hard to get, ghost their friends and dump loving partners to return to the solitude and isolation they think they deserve (due to the negative self view)

so what is to do?

the "self" needs to be strengthened, but how do that?

this is also about mitigating shame

for once i have a bit of a plan: i believe that our sense of self consists in part of our own self-view, but also of the feedback we get from the outside world in regards to said "self"

i wrote about that here

the relational self has to be propped up and filled up with positive feedback we get from the outside world

genuine positive feedback to override the negative views the self holds about itself

this has to be done over and over again until it sticks

one part is of course how i self-talk and think/envision myself.

things like mindfulness, self-care (not through products, but genuine things i do for myself) etc...

the other part is the outside world

i'm still trying to figure out how to do this while also mitigating possible negative feedback i could receive

since there is no controlling what others do or feel

i don't think that is ever the point, in fact it is important to get away from the idea of thinking one can control others through our behaviour

either way, negative feedback does not mean their feedback has to be internalized, no?

and knowing how to handle the negative feedback one might get is crucial, as to not further entrench the negative self view and make things worse

but i think the idea of overriding the old (negative view) neural pathways is crucial

and it can be the smallest of small steps, just as long as something is happening

at least that is my plan for now so turn that negative self view into something more positive, one neural pathway at a time

i want to set some goals for myself for every week

sensible goals to slowly dig myself out of this hole

🥲😮‍💨

#avpd ramblings #avpd recovery #recovery goals #avpd thoughts #healing habits #relational self #the self

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attavoid · 1 year

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Honami Mochizuki, Avoidance, Broken Bonds, and Responsibility

I’ve always been a big fan of Vocaloid since 2010 when I was a wee child- I even mess with vocal synths in my free time and make songs when confident enough in my skills- and I’d been eyeing Project Sekai (or Hatsune Miku: Colorful Stage, but I’ll be referring to it as Prjsk) for a while now. I adore rhythm games and they help me calm down, but I never really bit the bullet until recently. I have no idea why I waited so long! I’ve only been playing for a couple weeks but I’m already mastering the skills and am climbing up.

Anyway, one of my good friends brought me to the attention of Honami Mochizuki, and how many people headcanon her as having AvPD. I’ll assume if you’re reading this you have a vague idea of how the game works, but I’ll explain the background of her and her unit, Leo/need.

Honami is one of four girls in Leo/need, all who were childhood friends who drifted apart when Saki, another part of the group, was hospitalized for chronic illness (which, by the way, I could go on about how surprsingly respectful they are about her disability rep, at least in my opinion as a narcoleptic with a weak immune system). Despite being very close in elementary school, now that they’re all in high school, Honami has drifted from the others and tends to stick with her classmates, seemingly always following their lead.

A common misconception of AvPD is that avoidants don’t have friends. That can be true, but not in the sense that people think! In the past, I had a friend group, but we weren’t exactly friends. I morphed myself for approval so that they’d validate me and I’d be accepted, but I was not myself, and I did not let myself be vulnerable, as close friends should. Even though we had all been “close” since elementary school, what it really was for me was that I had found a group that I thought had accpeted me- only because I had hidden the parts of me they found embarrassing. They still berated me and my choice in other friends that I did actually have connections with, which caused me to drift away from them. That’s something evident in Honami’s story- she sticks with her “friends” because she wanted to get their validation, but these friends didn’t like the other members of Leo/need, so Honami forced herself to stray away from them to avoid being judged and humiliated.

This is something I don’t see discussed much about AvPD- the effect it has on your friends. Although I agree that personality disorder information should focus on those with the disorder, it’s also important to remember the effects it has on those around you (without buying into the abuse propaganda, of course). Honami’s past all too well highlights a part of my journey in AvPD that I wish more people talked about- betraying your friends just for your self image as a coping mechanism. It feels like it keeps you safe, but in reality, it doesn’t. It just hurts your true bonds and further isolates yourself into a group that will take advantage of you and use you as a punching bag.

Even as a 21 year old, I still find myself struggling with this, and I find great comfort in this aspect of Honami’s character. Especially how awkward she is trying to get along with her friends again- repairing old friendships, especially when you’re the source of the rift (for the most part), is always hard. And I love that she doesn’t give up! She keeps going and we see her slowly become more comfortable again with her friends and finding that spark of joy they ignited when she was a child.

I do want to add a disclaimer- I don’t think this coping mechanism is an abuse tactic, but it’s still important to remember the effect it has on other people. When I did this in the past, I thought I was protecting myself and our friendship- why would they want to be seen with someone like me?- but in reality I was hurting them and our bond. Instead of framing this as an abuse tactic, in Prjsk, it’s framed as Honami bearing some responsibility for the drifting, yet respects where she comes from and doesn’t vilify her for it at the same time. It’s quite refreshing, and even though she doesn’t canonically have AvPD, I can definitely see these traits in her, and I absolutely headcanon her with it.

Maybe someday I’ll do a more indepth analysis of Honami having AvPD, but I wanted to especially comment on this part of her. I feel when AvPD is talked about we gloss over the responsiblity we do have on relationships, unless it’s in a negative light painting us as abusers, which isn’t true. Even if Leo/need isn’t my favourite group, I think Honami will continue to have a special place in my heart.

#prjsk #project sekai #honami mochizuki #leo/need #avoidant personality disorder #avpd #mental health #personality disorder

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a-scaly-troublemaker · 4 months

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Adventures in Bad Copium: An Outsider's Look on Starlo and Ceroba

The following post is a long opinion; you can take it or leave it. It also involves a lot of projection, because that is how I process my trauma. Disclaimer: I have not played UTY.

With that out of the way, let's begin.

Giant text walls under the cut. I apologize. It is also rambly and a bit disorganized, but I hope I get my points across.

Starlo and Ceroba's friendship is a mess, but with my headcanons, this is both of their faults. When I look at them, I see two different people going through turmoil and handling it in different ways, though I see one thing that they share...

They are both using masking techniques, trying to pretend everything is okay when it's not. Ceroba's emotional masking techniques are much less effective than Starlo's. For obvious reasons; she is feeling an overwhelming amount of pain, and Starlo is a good actor. His act as the North Star has changed his personality to an extent, for better and for worse. He grew into a person he wanted to be, a person he would love more than his younger self.

Starlo doesn't strike me as naive; he strikes me as an unshakeable optimist, to the point it can come off as naivete and have similar consequences. Starlo's optimism paints a rosy picture of the world around him, which can get him into danger and lead him to put too much faith in his abilities as an entertainer. Personal headcanon dictates that he did not ask Ceroba what she needed from him, what would make her feel better, partly because he didn't feel like he was allowed to. Ceroba wound up becoming distant, shell-shocked from her grief and how poorly she was processing it. She slipped into alcohol abuse while Starlo slipped deeper into escapism, leading them to isolate themselves from each other, though not so severely as to ruin their friendship. It created enough distance that they will need years to repair their bond.

The end of the Wild East episode feels to me like someone with ADHD/ADD who's just come crashing down from being fully emotionally spooled about something, from being too excited. But the way Starlo handles this isn't through shutting down and letting himself cry, no, because he knows that he will self-destruct if he allows himself to turn his anger inwards. He still has enough self-loathing buried deep to know that his feelings could put him in more danger if he doesn't turn them outwards, hence how he snaps at the Feisty Four and how he goes after Clover. He is desperate for someone to blame other than himself, and when Ceroba calms him down after his fight, he has cooled off just enough to avoid self-destructing and to confront his faults with the Feisty Four.

One of the hardest things to admit is when you're wrong, when you've fucked up.

Ceroba finds admitting her faults a little easier compared to Starlo, but accountability is another matter entirely, a place where both she and Starlo struggle in different flavors. Ceroba doesn't feel deserving of keeping her life, so wracked with grief and with guilt that she begs Clover to kill her in the pacifist route. She may also feel undeserving of Starlo's friendship, which may cause her to isolate herself from him more. She longs for her family, for a connection she treasured and feels like she took for granted. She is oblivious to Starlo's loyalty, but more tragically, the pain and self loathing he has been hiding from her. Starlo is Ceroba's one blind spot due to how he wears his heart on his sleeve. He masks his worries with a bright, cheerful front that is easy to maintain when he's eyeball deep in his poison of choice, unhealthy escapism via roleplaying, via acting, singing, performing.

Neither of them are coping well with their pain, and because neither of them are willing to be honest about it, it damages their bond, causing enough damage that it will easily take years for them to repair it. It is for all of this that I am iffy about Staroba. I see it best as a QPR or a ride-or-die, and a ship that can only healthily sail if it happens several years after UTY, better yet, after the barrier breaks, because both monsters need to be given room to grow and mature, as well as repair the bond they had. The emotional baggage between them, though, will absolutely make any romance between them a difficult, delicate thing that will demand more openness and honesty from them both.

But this is just my two cents.

Thanks to @profounddefendorcrusade-blog for encouraging me to write posts like this in our recent DM.

#trouble.docx #revel rambles #starlo's escapism is absolutely unhealthy but so is ceroba's lingering obsession #uty rough analysis #took a look at Starlo and Ceroba's friendship here and yeah. it's a bit of a mess. they're gonna need to work on themselves. both of them.

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incorrectsibunaquotes · 1 year

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Things I would do to fix HOA S3:

Change the whole Jerome cheating and revenge plot. I'm thinking Jerome decides that instead of two timing, he comes clean with them and decides to date neither of them, thinking it's best to avoid hurting them both. This leads Mara and Willow initially fighting during the eclipse project before recounciling at the end and deciding to get revenge on Jerome (basically I would excelarate the it a bit)

Changing the bit where Jerome messes with Eddie regarding Nina's letter. I feel like in hindsight this was the first sign of trouble with the season in terms of characterizations and relationship. I'm thinking Jerome still resorts to dirty tactics to get Fabian involved, but only after Jerome tries to get Eddie to confide with him and with the pure motive of wanting to help Fabian and being frustrated with Eddie keeping secrets based on his own personal experience.

The whole crypt dynamic. I would have Alfie stuck in the crypt instead of Fabian. They change places and it also allows for Joy and Fabian to have scenes to close off that part of their story (I'm thinking Mara helps here, setting up a friendship between them with a potential romance). I'm also thinking Patricia confides in Fabian regarding why she dumped Eddie here. It's also just that the writing between Fabian and KT overlaps sometimes for them as a trio and during the crypt scenes here through the eclipse it's particularly obvious.

Have more conflict between Eddie and Sibuna during the initial episodes, particular between him and Fabian. I'm the whole Rufus was an Osarian who turned evil kind of colors Fabian's perception. I'm thinking it causes him to not tell Eddie about their suspicions of KT and also causes some friction between him and Patricia because Patricia defends Eddie despite their being broken up.

I don't care for the Benjy arc, but I'm thinking maybe Denby pays him to try to romance Patricia as part of her plans to get her to sin. In fact, I'm thinking Fabian realizes what she's up to and interferes in her plans (and forces her to improvise to get Patricia to sin), which leads me to...

Fabian vs. Denby. I'm thinking her taunting him about Nina leads to a feud between them that culminates in her trying to get Robert to collect Fabian (I'm thinking for Anger). This fails which me brings to another idea.

I would basically take some of your ideas from your Kira fic and give some of them to Fabian such as doubts about KT being the sinner and quitting Sibuna over it.

Mara being the one taken instead of Fabian and she actually knocks Fabian instead of Kira (also Fabian would get some of Kira's interactions with Mara to add onto the who romance part). Denby essentially gets her revenge here and gloats to Fabian about it while he's being held captive. I'm thinking he ends up paying her back during the finale, helping her get sent to the underworld.

Bringing Joy and Jerome into the mystery. I'm thinking they get involved, but do their own separate investigation and it helps with developing their relationship. In fact, I'm thinking Sibuna wants to keep them out only out of safety.

Developing Patricia and Joy's friendship more. This kind of got dropped after the first half. Or really giving Patricia more scenes outside of Eddie relationship content. Maybe bring Piper back during the Benjy situation (Fabian basically calls her up).

Jerome and Eddie's friendship

Pretty much any friendship from previous seasons getting developed. I think isolating the cast as much they did this season hurt the final product on some level

This pretty much I can think of for now. I would love your thoughts.

I actually like a lot of these ideas! Normally I’m quite resistant to asks like this because they often feel in bad faith, but you bring up a lot of really fun points that I think, if not improve, add some fun flavors to an otherwise already flavorful (for lack of a better word) season.

I will say, though, on your points around Jerome helping Fabian… on what planet would he actually ever try to throw Fabian a bone out of the goodness of his heart let’s be real 😂 Now, if you were to tell me he offers Fabian to figure out what Eddie’s up to… for a price? I’d buy that.

I think you bring up an interesting point about the Osirian bit! That could add some more color to the dynamic between not only Fabian and Eddie, but also Patricia and Fabian & Eddie and Patricia. It could potentially be harder to resolve in the show’s 10-episode block structure, though, which is why I think they didn’t go that route (or a similar one) in the first place.

I actually think that as characters, I’m less inclined to want to see Fabian and Denby face off than I am to see more conflict Victor. An AU idea I’ve had (big surprise, Tess) is if Victor and Denby split off to try to capture Fabian and Denby respectively since they have similar flaws/are character foils. Then Sibuna’s gotta scramble a bit since two of their veteran members are going a bit off the rails from all the outside intervention. But yeah. Once Victor is Sinnered, I wish we’d seen more parallels between him and Fabian since they’ve always existed on some level in canon.

I understand the reasoning behind the cast isolation from a time-constraint standpoint, but I do agree that a little more overlap could be fun. At least Joy and Jerome having a bit more awareness of the situation, even if it ultimately ends up for naught.

Anyway, interesting points, Anon. Now, I’d love to see the things you’d fix about S1/S2.

#tess answers #house of anubis #ask

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hussyknee · 1 year

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FYI the entire last week and half has been one long OCD spiral. I KEEP forgetting that end of the month is PMS time (it's so bad that it might even be PMDD) and also I buy meds for 30 days the first week of every month, so I KEEP running out of both my stock AND my back up stock because I'm too depressed and executive dysfunctioned to get out of bed, leading to a regularly scheduled mental breakdown. At no time are my relationships in more danger than the self-destructive spiral in the week leading up to it.

I didn't even realize I had raging OCD until this year, after managing to nuke 50% of my closest friendships. So there's that.

All of this is to say that I've been borderline deranged and pretty much constantly triggered the last ten days or so, so if you've been made uncomfortable I'm sorry. It's all the same things I usually struggle to deal with, just dialled up to 11. I hardly ever notice who follows me unless they're a mutual or they appear regularly in my notifs, so always feel free to unfollow or even block. Even if you're my mutual.

I think a lot of the people we flag as problematic/ low-key bigoted are probably in some distress they may come out of with time and patience. Most of us try to fight our worst impulses, but sometimes we lose. Hopefully that's just a battle and not the war. But being in that kind of pain can also easily lead to rapid radicalisation and entrenched paranoia and toxicity. That's the tragedy of marginalization and isolation. Removing yourself from their proximity at any point for your own peace of mind isn't mutually exclusive with being compassionate. Boundaries help everyone in the long run.

I'm really trying my hardest not to hurt anyone, but I'm hurting a lot all the time too so I can't avoid it. I'm trying to understand that this is what it means to be human, and make my peace with it.

#knee of huss #disability #mental health #actually ocd #neurodivergence #mental illness #withdrawal #pmdd #actually bipolar #complex ptsd #life update

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aeslandsong · 1 year

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i'm not drinking coffee anymore. i'm not consuming sugar anymore and i'm trying to avoid most carbs. when i go home, i'll have more control over my diet and yes, i need to become obsessed with diet again to reach babe status. i haven't smoked a cigarette all day so far and they were offered to me and i even said no, so i have willpower again and that's good. i had been cutting it down to like 2 a day anyway over my chain smoking one pack a day habit. i haven't smoked weed in almost a month and i feel a lot better, i'm not even thinking about it. there was literally no point to me smoking at all, i would hardly get high and when i did, it would be like for the length of my cough so yeah. i don't feel like wasting what could benefit other people. i honestly did it for the company and it's like engrained in me to smoke because i've been doing it for so long. funny how i quit in the beginning of july when it became legal but sometimes you just have to focus on other things to make you happy. if you wanna smoke, by all means but it does not mesh well with my mental illness, and it affects my medicine which is what is keeping me stable and keeping me wanting to live. i'm going to take up running again because that made me happy to do recently and i'm going to try my hardest to reach happiness instead of depending on something that just hurts me over helps. hopefully i can eventually be proof that you can improve your well being and mental state if you get proper help. once i leave here, it's up to me to continue doing my best and just learning to say no and stop doing things out of boredom that are damaging me and making me miserable in the long run. i don't want to live with anymore regrets, i just want to move forward and be the best that i can be, which is a sober lifestyle. i went to rehab because of my marijuana abuse and they took me in but i was abusing other things too that i didn't disclose and i'm over it. i got away from what was influencing me and i'm not even thinking "i hope my medicine makes me feel good", and doing bioavailability and eating certain foods that'll affect my meds to achieve ANY type of relief for no reason and generally just being a desperate fucknut that wants to feel good when all i've really wanted over the years was to be free of every substance that i've abused and kept going back to just to cry over the guilt of what my family would think of me and wishing i could be different. i know that i'm still going to have obstacles but i'm going to continue down this path because i think i'm in the right direction for once. nobody likes me on drugs anyway, they make me a shitty person that becomes distant or psychotic and that's because of what goes on in my brain and i dip and isolate myself and it's just NOT WORTH IT. i've done an array of drugs, but marijuana is what ruined my life and sometimes i think about the shitty situations i've been in just because of it. i'm not going to let people manipulate me anymore to get something out of me or make me feel uncomfortable because they have certain intentions. it's a boring lifestyle to me where your friendships can become stale and you just generally don't want to be there. plus nobody liked me on weed anyway and people hated when i asked where i could get some. i'm over it, my life is not controlled by it anymore and i am going to refuse it no matter what. i'm a lot better sober, i don't want to be like... hanging out with a shady person anymore if i'm dry and just waiting and being antsy over it and then them asking to sleep with me or something lol. i'm just thinking about all the money i wasted on it rather than focusing on my health and the way i look. i'm lucky i'm still alive and i'm just going to lead my best life as much as i can until i reach independence. i know a lot of people in my life smoke, if it makes you happy, i'm glad! i hope it benefits you. we're all different. anyway, have a happy day. peace.

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artistfingers · 3 years

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There’s one ~silver lining~ of my iPad being broken: I’ve had loads of time to think about my many half-formed undercover phantom au ideas! Since I have no idea when or what will make it to comic form, here’s the lowdown…. AKA, everything that’s been rattling around my brain recently :P

For context: Danny, Sam and Tucker have never met, and nobody knows Danny is Phantom. When Vlad’s newest bit of tech gets Danny stuck in ghost mode (with the rest of his powers on the fritz to boot), he meets Tucker and Sam—who instantly see through his disguise and lend a helping hand. (Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4!!)

So. After that, Danny—no, Phantom—becomes friends with them. It’s exciting! He was invisible at school even before the ghost powers; he was pretty isolated and lonely and being Phantom for the last year hasn’t exactly been a social boon. Kid’s lonely, ok?

But now… two human friends? Who’re his age & share his interests? It’s like a dream come true! If only they weren’t exclusively friends with his ghost self… and if only they didn’t wanna be so involved in his dangerous ghost hunting things…Uhhh. Hm. Could be a problem.

Danny angsts about the danger he’s putting his new friends in, and about not being able to befriend them as a human. He plays with the idea of telling them Everything but that’s… risky to say the least. He’s only known them a few weeks! ugh….!! it’s too much. maybe he should just throw the towel in.

Buuut Sam & Tucker don’t take no for an answer. Especially after they rescue him a third time.

Thus… Phantom friendship shenanigans!!

Sam filched some parts from the Fentonworks Lab when Phantom took them there, and later convinced Tucker to help her build a custom mini ectogun in case of emergency. They didn’t tell Phantom.

Danny is really sentimental about that DP hat he wore when he first met Sam & Tucker. He wore it as Phantom for a while but it got singed in a fight. He still wears it when he hangs out with Tucker & Sam but otherwise keeps it squirreled away for Sentimental Reasons.

“So Phantom, how old are you?” “I’m 15.” “15 now? Or 15 when you died?” “Yes.”

Tucker has a bunch of awful 90s button up shirts, and gives one to Phantom

They aren’t able to convince Sam to wear one too, but they sure do try.

Phantom won’t tell them when he died, so once he starts wearing 90s shirts they start using terrible 90s slang with him

“I am NOT from the 90s!!! They didn’t even SAY that then!!!” “methinks the lady doth protest too much…..home slice” “NOOO!!!”

“Phantom I have an extremely important question. Like, life or death. SHIT is on the LINE here. Are you listening?? I really need to know…. Do ghosts play video games”

The answer may surprise you (no it won’t)

Sam is completely convinced they can ACTUALLY get a good working guess of when Phantom lived and died based on the fact he liked Nasty Burger when he was alive, since NB’s a regional chain with a not-so-distant past. Tucker meanwhile thinks Phantom probably has a good reason for keeping them at arm’s length—but regardless of method, they can agree: they want to break down Phantom’s walls.

The next arc is less “Undercover Phantom” and more “Undercover Fenton” because the juxtaposition of him having to do hidden identities squared (squared again) is too good for me to pass up. It boils down to this: during a ghost attack at school, Danny finds himself stuck being “protected” by Sam and Tucker.

Sam and Tucker take their new jobs as Phantom’s ghost hunting companions too seriously to let this skinny stranger they just met run TOWARDS the danger. WHY does he keep trying to run TOWARDS the danger

NO YOU CANNOT GO TO THE BATHROOM THE SCHOOL IS ON G H O S T L O C K D O W N

Sam pulls out her ectogun.

Danny: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!

Sam does not tell him.

“Wait, your last name’s Fenton? Like Fentonworks Fenton?” “No, the other Fenton.” “Oh… well, that’s too bad…” “YES LIKE FENTONWORKS FENTON”

Sam is initially wary of Danny because of his parents’ super strong anti-ecto views. Danny is clueless as to why she isn’t very friendly to him-as-a-human when she’s great with him-as-a-ghost. but she warms up after he helps resolve the ghost issue in a way that shows he doesn’t subscribe to his parents’ views.

afterwards you get this excellent situation where Danny is now friends with Sam and Tucker as Phantom and as Fenton, and they’re not connecting the dots as quickly as they did when it was just “that’s Phantom wearing a hoodie and a cap with his own logo on it”.

the potential here? *chefs kiss* here’s a few things but honestly? the possibilities are limitless

Danny pretending to not have a cell phone because he already gave them his number as Phantom

Tucker: *dials Phantom*

Danny, standing directly next to him: *frantically attempting to silence his phone*

Sam & Tucker try to introduce Danny and Phantom. Danny has to make excuses to avoid this happening in both forms.

Danny takes Sam & Tucker down to the Fentonworks Lab to get them some real equipment. Sam & Tucker pretend (very badly) that they’ve never been there before

Rooftop chill sessions as Phantom, late night teenage hijinks as Fenton, plus school AND fighting ghosts does not do any favors for Danny’s sleep deprivation. Tucker introduces him to caffeine pills with… mixed results.

Tucker and Sam teach Phantom some sign language. Later Danny slips up and uses it casually with them as Fenton

…. And many other silly mixups that I’ve yet to think of because I live for that shit

Sam & Tucker have theories about the Fenton-Phantom connection and they’re all wrong but somehow also plausible and that freaks Danny out just a little bit if he ever overhears them

Ultimately, I see this AU having a final arc where a New Situation occurs in which Danny-as-Phantom has to—once again—pretend to be human. This time, he’s with Sam & Tucker as Phantom from the get go, and can’t disappear or transform, even if being Phantom is extremely dangerous at that moment. Somehow this scenario would lead to the Fenton-is-Phantom (or, in this case, Phantom-is-Fenton) reveal…. But the details still escape me :P

so in short………… I really like hidden identities

#danny phantom #danny phantom au #danny fenton #tucker foley #sam manson #undercover phantom au #no one knows au #DP #WHY is this 1000 words long IM SO SORRY #PS if you are reading these tags and you left tags on any of the comics so far with your own ideas for this au THANK YOU I LOVE YOU #PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to add on ideas to this au any way youd like 🙏#it is just a big ol hidden identities sandbox with also lots of teenages hijinks #im hoping to have my ipad fixed by wednesday-ish so more comics........ eventually :"D #in the meantime please enjoy this long text post and maybe some sketchbook things #if i can work up the nerve to post something straight out of the sketchbook lmfao #long post #fic #art writes

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americaswritings · 3 years

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Invisible

Warnings: Angst, Insecurity & Self-doubt, Language

Summary: The reader stays with Tom and his friends during quarantine. To protect her from media and fans, the reader can’t been seen in any social media posts. It leads to her feeling more and more lonely and isolated until she can’t take it anymore.

Words: 2.6k

Pairings: Tom Holland x reader

A/N: I wrote this when Tom hosted the marvel pub quiz, but completely forgot to post it!

ADD YOURSELF TO MY TAGLIST

"That's it. Thank you for joining and taking part in the quiz! I hope you had as much fun as we did and don't forget to post your answers using the hashtag massive marvel pub quiz so we can find your answers easier. Stay safe and healthy. Bye guys!"

You watched as Tom's face disappeared and the live stream ended.

But the excitement that you had felt when you had first heared of the idea of a marvel quiz was gone. Now you just felt empty. And alone.

You knew that you were overreacting, after all Tom and the others were just a few rooms away, but you couldn't help and feel left out. Again.

You weren't invited to join the live stream in the first place so why join them know?

You knew that Tom only wanted to protect you and himself by keeping you out of the public's eye. If they found out that a female in his age was spending the time during quarantine at his house, they would go wild. You could already imagine the headlines that would follow.

After all Tom had exerperienced how far his ‘fans’ and the media would go when a photo of him and Olivia had gone viral.

Only a few blurry images and both Tom and Olivia had been attacked for weeks, even so far that the girl had to make her instagram private, yet the hate comments never stopped.

And Tom knew that he would never risk the chance of you having to read through pages of hate comments of people that didn't even know you. Because if they did, they knew they could never hate you.

You were kind and loving and you cared a little too deeply.

Tom still remembered when you had called him crying, because you didn't feel confident enough to go out after some girls in your class had made it their mission to target all your insecurities and make mean comments whenever you passed them.

He still remembered the anger and hate he felt inside of him when he listened to your sobbing and how the girl's words had gotten to you, to the point you even believed them.

So when you had moved in with him and the boys, he had decided to keep you out of everything that could reveal to the world that you were living with them. You had agreed without a second doubt, because in that moment it seemed the only rational and responsible thing to do.

Now you weren't so sure anymore, because it hurt so much to be invisible every day. You had gotten used to the fact that you could only watch their instagram stories, live streams and tik toks without being able to join them. But what hurt you even more were the little things.

"Hey y/n, could you leave the room for a sec? You are always in the background of the video!"

A second often turned into hours and soon you found yourself retreating to your room more and more to avoid having to leave and get hurt again.

Yesterday you had decided to do a little game night and you felt so carefree that you came to the conclusion that you were being ridiculous and should rather enjoy the time with them instead of obsessing over your feelings. But then you had laughed over something that had been said and Tom has sighed, dropping his phone.

"Great, now I have to delete that, because you were laughing in the background", he stated, clearly frustrated and you felt heat rushing to your cheeks.

"I'm sorry", you mumbled but it sounded more like a question than a sincere apologzy, because really, what where you even apologizing for? Harrsion had leaned over to get a better look at Tom's phone. "That would have been a great post, mate!"

You adverted your eyes, starring at the table and analysing the natural pattern of the wood to try and distract yourself from the embarassment and the tears that had filled your eyes. "I know right", Tom sighed again and you crounched down in your seat even more.

"I will do that again now so you have to be completely quiet now y/n, got it?

You wanted to scream at them, because you weren't dumb and yet they were treating you like a child that had misbehaved and was now lectured. But you only gulped and nodded, fearing that if you said something, your voice would break and reveal how hurt you really felt.

While they recorded the story again, you listened to their loud laughter as you fought back the tears.

Eventually you excued yourself, mumbling something about having a headache, but you doubted that they even noticed.

Now you could hear them laugh again and even though Tom's laugh was one of your favorite sounds, it now cut deeper into your heart like a knife.

You were still staring at your phone screen where you saw photos of answer sheets already popping up. You had gotten around 20 answers right, but you didn't feel proud.

When Tom had told you about the marvel quiz you had been beyond excited. Since you could remember you loved the marvel movies. Your rooms had been filled with posters and other merchandise and your friends only rolled their eyes when you suggested to watch a marvel movie during your movie nights.

You had build your knowdlege over the years and loved to challenge Tom, who thought of himself as a big marvel fan as well, regarding who knew more about the marvel cinematic universe.

So when he came up with the idea of a marvel live quiz, you insisted to take part and therefore hear the questions for the first time during the stream so you had the same chance as everyone else.

But as soon as Harry and Harrison had joined the live stream your enthusiasm had faded. They were having so much fun and you were sitting in your room, all on your own. The familiar feeling of loneliness and self doubt had accompained you the rest of the live stream and now that it had ended you just wanted to crawl under the covers and weep into your pillow.

Maybe you were clingy and needy and overthinking again, but you couldn't help the overwhelming sadness and you began to doubt if staying with Tom was a mistake and if your friendship meant more to you than the others.

Maybe you should pack your things tomorrow and tell Tom that you needed to go home. He would understand if you claimed to miss the comfort of being at your home but then again, you would be even more lonely.

Frustrated you threw your phone on the nightstand and quickly changed into your pajamas before crawling into bed.

In the darkness of the room the disappointment felt even more overwhelming and you grabbed onto your pillow for comfort.

A knock made you freeze and your heart started pouding in your chest. You prayed that the person would leave you alone and go away if you pretended to be asleep so you stayed silent.

"Y/n?"

It was Tom's voice.

"We want to watch a movie. Wanna join us?"

You knew that he wouldn't go away until the got an answer so you dismissed your plan and braced yourself to speak.

"No, I am tired, but thanks." You hoped that Tom didn't notice how nervous you sounded and after an agonizing moment of silence you could hear him mutter an "okay" and walk away.

Did you imagine it or did he sound disapppointed? Now feeling guilty too, you covered your face in your hands in frustration.

Why did everything have to go wrong?

And wait...did you still have your make-up on?

You let out a sound of frustration when you realized that you had to get up again to wipe off your make-up. You had applied it because you wanted to feel your best during the quiz you had been so excited for, but now it meant walking all the way to the bathroom.

Which meant leaving your room again.

You slowly opened your door, peeking out to check if the corridors were empty. You proceeded to tiptoe to the bathroom and closed the door behind you while relief flooded you. You really didn't want to meet anyone now, not when you felt like breaking into tears every second.

When you looked into the mirror and began to wash your make-up off, you allowed yourself to let the tears flow. A few sobs escaped your mouth, but the bathroom was far enough from the living room so they wouldn't be able to hear you.

Without the make-up on, you felt a little more relaxed and you couldn't wait to get into bed again.

But when you reached your room without running into anyone on the way, you were more than surprised to see that once you had closed the door and turned around, you weren't alone.

Tom was sitting on your bed, looking up at you when you entered the room.

You could conclude from the frown that covered his face that you looked as horrible as you felt. Your eyes were probably still puffy and red from the crying and your hair was in a messy bun.

"Tom?", you stuttered, too shocked to come up with something that would save you from this conversation. "What are you doing here?", you added, hating how weak your voice sounded.

His frown grew even deeper and he mustered your apperance, hurt visible in his eyes.

"You were so excited for the quiz so when you didn't leave your room I grew worried", he explained while you akwardly stood next to the door, leaving as much space between the two of you as possible.

"Oh that- I just didn't feel good so I decided to sleep early today", you tried to brush it off, but you knew that Tom would not fall for it.

"Why have you been crying?"

His question was acommpanied by a stern gaze and you couldn't help feeling guilty and ashamed.

"I- I wasn't", you stuttered, but it didn't even sound believable to your own ears. Tom raised his eyebrow, but when he saw how uncomfortable you looked his features softened.

"Hey, you can talk to me, you know that right? Whatever it is, you can tell me and we can figure this out together." His voice was so gentle and caring that tears filled your eyes again and you silently cursed yourself for being so emotional.

You didn't want to cry in front of Tom. It would not be the first time and when it had happened he had always managed to make you feel better and put a smile on your face again, but you also knew the shame that would follow afterwards.

You didn't want him to think that you were too sensitive.

But the tears weren't only a result of your hurt, no, anger was building inside of you at his words. "Really Tom, really?", you snapped and he flinched in surprise.

"Are you sure you want me to talk to you? Maybe someone is filming an instagram story and I could be heard in the background so I should just say nothing at all. Or even better, why don't I just leave the room so there is a lesser chance that I could ruin your precious masterpieces by just existing."

Tom's eyes had widened at your outburst and you actually felt bad for a second, but then you remembered the many occasions he had made you feel like you weren't good enough and the anger came back.

"You know what? I think it would be best if I just went home. I am done being treated like an outsider and being blamed for everything I do!"

Tom had jumped up from the bed and was crossing the distance between the two of you with large steps, but you raised your hands before he could come closer to you.

"Y/n I am so sorry", he stumbled over his words, desperately trying to find the right words. "I didn't realize- I never would have..." Frustrated he ran a hand through his hair.

"Listen, I screwed up! I didn't realize that my behaviour- that I was hurting you and I am so sorry! I just wanted to protect you and now I am the one making you feel this way. Fuck, I am so sorry!"

His words seemed geniune and your heart ached to step forward and pull him into a hug, but you knew that you could not forget so easily.

"I didn't think that this was so important to you. Why didn't you say anything?" He was rubbing the back of his head, seemingly tensed.

"I don't care much about not being in the stories Tom. But it really hurt whenever I am send away so you can film together or when I am told to shut up so I can't be heard while you all have fun together”, you explained, trying to keep your vice even.

“I just feel like I am a burden to you and if you don't want to spend time with me that's fine I guess but I would appreciate for you to tell me that so I can stop trying and just go home."

"No, no, no it's not like that I swear!” Tom seemed desperate again, articulating with his hands to underline his words.

“I miss spending time with you, I really do and it was stupid of me to let myself being dragged into this whole instagram thing!

You know I am normally not the person to care much about posting, but I thought now that everyone is stuck at home, I could make my fans happy and distract them from the situation by sharing more of my life. I should have never put them before you and I am truly sorry!” You could see the regret clearly in his eyes as he took in a deep breath.

“Please don't go."

You were biting your lip as you were trying your best to stay calm and not break into tears. You had imagined confronting Tom and letting all your anger and hurt out, but now that he stood in front of you with his eyes full of hurt and regret and his pleading words for you to stay, your anger vanished.

"Are you sure?", you asked him in uncertainty, because you knew you couldn't bare if nothing would change. But Tom desperately nodded. "I am. Tomorrow I am going to post a photo to let my fans now that I am taking a break from social media!"

He looked so determined, so sure, that a warm feeling filled you. "You would do that?"

"Of course! I want to make it up to you and besides I was not lying when I said that I miss spending time with you”, he stated, stepping a little closer to you when you didn’t protest anymore.

“You were so distant the last days and I didn't know what to do, so I thought that I should give you space. Seems like that is the last thing I should have done", he sayed with a sheepish smile covering his face.

"Sorry for being so caught up in myself. I should have said something earlier too", you admitted, a small smile forming on your lips, when you felt the burden fall off your shoulders.

"Hug?", Tom suggested and you didn't have to think twice about it.

When he wrapped his strong arms around you, you realized that going back to your place would have been a mistake. Because at some point your home hadn't been a place anymore. Instead it had become a person and you didn't plan on letting go any time soon.

----

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animeomegas · 4 years

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Omega!Narutoverse Future Family Headcanons

This is a compilation of my headcanons about future families for my favourite Naruto boys (excluding Kakashi who is childfree in my headcanons.)

This is very long, so I’ve put most of it under a cut <3 Enjoy~

Naruto: : 4 children – Son (omega), adopted daughter (alpha), twin sons (betas).

Has his son about four years before he becomes Hokage.

His son is a huge daddy’s boy type and clings to Naruto every chance that he gets.

Naruto never lets his role as Hokage take him away from his son any more than absolutely necessary. Does he take his son into his office? Absolutely. He puts down a little play pen on the floor while he works :’).

His son loves cuddles so much and he is so gentle.

He doesn’t like pranks though which makes Naruto a little sad but he would never do anything to make his little one sad.

Male omegas can be identified from birth, so you both knew he was, but even if you didn’t it’s very obvious. He makes his own little nest next to Naruto’s but ends up crawling into Naruto’s for cuddles every time.

As he gets older, he attends the academy, but he hates it so much. He reminds me a little of a young Itachi, a pacifist to the core. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone! He begs you and Naruto to let him attend the civilian school, and of course you let him.

Naruto gets a lot of shit for allowing this from some parties *cough* the council *cough*. The Hokage’s children should be powerful ninjas according to them, but Naruto will always prioritise his children’s happiness. Naruto shields his son from the hate as much as possible, but some slips through.

The transition is easier if you are a civilian, your son feels a little more secure if that’s the case, and he would consider following your footsteps depending on what you do. If you run a little business, he would definitely want to work with you. If you’re also a ninja he can feel left out and unsure, but he grows into such a quietly confident person, who starts a little business.

Not being a ninja also means he can be there for his younger siblings. He is a dedicated older brother who is always there for them. He has a room for each other them at his house and loads of medical supplies for when they come back from missions injured and won’t go to the hospital. He always patches them up.

All his younger siblings respect him so much. He is a very reliable person, and his siblings get so offended if they hear any anti-civilian talk from the ninjas they work with.

When Naruto is about a year into working as Hokage, he goes to visit the orphanage, a place that he reformed hugely as soon as he could. It’s so much nicer than it was and he’s so happy.

But there is one girl that he sees there, and she’s being bullied by some of the other kids. At only three years old, Naruto’s heart breaks for her. Turns out that she’s being teased for being a female alpha. Times have changed a lot, but there are still some horrible stereotypes about male omegas and female alphas, even if those aren’t the norm anymore.

He intervenes and wipes away her tears, uncomfortably reminded of his own stay at the orphanage when he was her age. He wraps up the visit and leaves, but he just can’t get here out of his head.

He’s been wanting another child, but he’s still in a vulnerable position so early into being Hokage that he can’t afford the time off for maternity leave.

Hesitantly, he brings up the idea of adoption to you, when you respond positively, he’s like great 😊, I have one picked already.

It’s only about a fortnight later that you’re picking her up and bringing her home. At first, she is very shy and reserved but when she gets comfortable, you learn that she is the opposite.

She’s very forthright and opinionated, she always says what she feels and stands up for injustice.

Her favourite thing is to come home and tell you and Naruto about her day. She never leaves out any detail and has been known to demand to go and see Naruto while he’s working so that she can tell him about something that happened at school.

Naruto ends up unwillingly up to date with all the academy drama.

She’s quite serious and likes to have grown up conversations and sit at the grown ups table.

She ends up attending the academy and she just thrives on all the history and politics lessons! She great at negotiating and learning about people.

She makes strong friends and has a tight knit friendship group that she keeps all the way to adulthood.

She ends up making Chunin pretty quickly but waits a long while before taking the Jounin exam. She ends up specialising in international relations.

She works as an ambassador for Konoha and gets to travel around all the countries. She adores her job, but she does sometimes miss her family. Naruto gets sad when he sends her for long missions, knowing that he can’t come and see her for that time, but there’s no one he would trust more to act on behalf on Konoha and she always brings back souvenirs for everyone.

The twins are quite a bit younger than the other two. Six years younger than their older sister, and eight years younger than their older brother.

In a better position now, Naruto wants to try for one final child.

Of course, you get twins.

It takes a bit of re-planning, but Naruto is overjoyed at the fact that he’s pregnant with twins! He gives birth to identical twin boys. You can’t tell from birth whether a baby is a male alpha or male beta, and they end up showing signs of being betas when they’re about 12.

These boys are little troublemakers, and Naruto rejoices and finally having some of his children who likes pranks like he does!

They excel at strategy and trap making when they join the academy but the oldest struggles a little with the more academic side.

Naruto is so patient in helping him because he knows what it’s like to be a physical learner in an academic environment.

They are the babies of the family and they get away with everything haha.

When they end up graduating, they are put on the same genin team and they continue to work together for their entire careers. They are similar to Izumo and Kotestu. They know each other so well and both have complimentary skills, so they make a formidable duo on the battlefield.

Naruto hates sending them on dangerous missions though. If they ever didn’t come back, I don’t think Naruto would recover, knowing that he sent them to the place that they died.

These two also definitely take on a genin team when they first get promoted to jounin, and they’re great teachers! I can’t decide if they would have one together, or if they would have one each and compete in ridiculous challenges like whose genin team can get the most d ranks done in one day.

They remind people of Kakashi and Gai in a lot of ways.

Sasuke: 1 child – daughter (beta).

Sasuke has a daughter in his late twenties, after he’s had some time to deal with his trauma.

He’s undeniably in a better place but he struggles badly with PPD, making the first year very difficult on your family.

Eventually things get better though, and you work together to raise your daughter.

She is wicked smart, very much into scholarly things, but she also loves weapons, particularly any sort of blade. Sasuke teaches her how to use a sword and they bond a lot over it.

She’s pretty quiet and withdrawn, preferring to read a book or practice with her weapons than socialise. Sasuke tries to get her to make more friends but she calls him out on being a hypocrite and he’s so offended that he drops the issue.

She does well in the academy but she lowkey hates going. She likes going more if either you or Sasuke are there to pick her up and walk home with her, she doesn’t like walking home alone because the Uchiha compound is so damn far away and isolated.

When she awakens her sharigan when she’s a chunin, Sasuke has a pretty bad reaction. The sharigan isn’t associated with anything good in his mind, so he freaks out when his daughter activates it. You need to give him some time and support and he’ll come around. He’s the only one who can train her after all.

Sasuke is so proud of his daughter when she makes Jounin, which of course, she does. I could see her taking on a powerful advisory role for the Hokage as a jounin.

She is someone who believes that there is a lot to learn from history, and is a great advisory asset in helping to avoid past mistakes.

Itachi: Canon = none / Non-massacre Au = 2 children. Son (omega), daughter (beta).

Has a son shortly after you get married.

Itachi is a family man through and through and can’t wait to retire from being a ninja (which he hates) to being able to raise his children full time.

The day Itachi gets moved from the active list to the reserves list after he becomes pregnant is one of the happiest days of his life.

His son is very responsible and serious.

He likes to follow Itachi around and help him clean and cook and run errands. He always tidies up his toys and keeps his room clean, and he almost always behaves respectfully and sensibly.

Itachi never forces him to do too much though, he wants his son to have a fun childhood like he never had.

Itachi is over the moon when his son shows an interest in calligraphy, happy that his son is picking up a healthy hobby.

He buys him all the supplies and gets him a teacher if he wants one. It warms Itachi’s heart to see his son interested in something other than chores for once.

Despite the pressure from the clan for his children to attend the academy, Itachi puts his foot down for one of the first times in his life, saying that his children will only become ninja if they want to.

His son does in fact want to attend the academy.

Itachi kind of wishes he didn’t.

Itachi’s son shows a huge proficiency for fuinjutsu, his calligraphy skills coming in handy. Seeing as the skill is so rare, he becomes one of the leading experts in Konoha.

Itachi is very supportive and lowkey glad that his son is so powerful and can defend himself. Itachi is also very glad that his son can continue with his fuuinjustsu passion long after he retires from being an active ninja.

Itachi hopes that safety net (producing seals for other ninjas and continuing to earn money from his hobby) will mean his son can retire whenever he wants and not have to worry. Rather than becoming stuck in the shinobi lifestyle.

Itachi’s daughter is born five years after his son, an age gap that was larger than he would have liked, but he had a pretty traumatic birth the first time around and he needed to give his body some time to recover.

Itachi puts a lot of emphasis on a loving relationship between his children, and his daughter adores her older brother so much! She follows him around and tries to copy him all the time, and he help her with homework and plays with her.

It makes Itachi very, very happy to see them bond.

Itachi’s daughter is a beta and has everyone wrapped around her finger from the moment she is born.

She’s charming, well spoken, and polite but with a very sarcastic personality.

She has a very similar sense of humour to Itachi actually. A sort of under the breath commentary style. Goodness help anyone who finds themselves opposing Itachi and his daughter.

Academy teachers get put in their place so fast when they join forces, the teachers don’t even know what happened.

As Itachi’s daughter joins the academy, she follows after her uncle and develops fangirls and fanboys… She’s very popular. Very popular.

And she loves it.

Itachi is not as fond.

He is not above staring coldly at children for badgering his beloved daughter.

When she grows up, she works as a ninja, favouring a more jack of all trades kind of style. She likes to learn a little bit of everything.

She’s the same way with relationships too. She never gets married or mated, preferring casual relationships and has no interest in children, she lives her life doing whatever she wants with whoever she wants.

Itachi is very proud of her, and secretly very amused when his clan constantly tries and fails to control her.

Shikamaru: 1 child – daughter (alpha)

Shikamaru has a child at about 25, and he knew from the get-go that he was a one and done kind of guy.

He’s not a fan at all of the infant stage and does not want to do it more than once.

The Nara clan have a very high proportion of alphas, so Shikamaru kinda expected his child to be one. And lo and behold she was.

His daughter is the spitting image of him in every way. She is the most mellow alpha ever. So much so that most people assume she’s a beta, and she doesn’t really care enough to correct them about it.

She is also very close to her grandparents, who dote on her and spoil her as much as they can.

She excels at school in the same way her father did before her, retaining average marks despite being miles ahead of most of her peers.

Shikamaru teaches her how to play shogi and all about the beauty of napping. She takes to them both like a duck to water. She is so much like Shikamaru that everyone comments on it constantly.

Although, while she loves a good cloud gazing session with her father, she actually takes to creative writing as her favourite hobby. She uses a pseudonym to avoid attention, but she ends up writing a series of books that becomes one of the most popular book series in the shinobi nations.

Shikamaru is so insanely proud that his daughter can have both a successful ninja career and a successful hobby/side career. He brags to anyone who knows her pseudonym constantly, including you and his parents.

He also keeps a set of first edition, signed copies of all her books. He reads them when she’s away on long missions sometimes, as a way of feeling closer to her.

Shikamaru and his daughter remain incredibly close all their lives.

Shino: 1 child – daughter (omega)

Shino had a child slightly later than most of his friends, at around 34.

Shino’s daughter is a very curious child! She’s quiet and withdrawn around strangers but very talkative with her family and close friends.

Her favourite place to be is on Shino’s lap. And when around strangers, she always hides behind him, or buries her face into his shoulder.

Shino loves to spend time with his daughter outside. He teaches her all about insects and plants, leading her around the woods after when she can still barely walk.

Shibi does the same with her, and those two are very close.

Shino is fiercely protective of his daughter, and never forces her into doing things she isn’t comfortable with. He defends her right to be quiet and clingy, and it takes some convincing to get him to understand that she needs to make friends outside of her immediate family.

When she cries for anything, Shino gives in straight away, as long as she isn’t wanting to do anything extremely dangerous. Because of this, she develops quite the sweet tooth, having had as many cookies as she wanted as a child.

Shino’s daughter ends up teaching at the academy as a career chunin, because despite being shy around adults, she is fantastic with children, very patient and understanding.

Shino is very happy with her choices, because he was a little worried that she would end up scarred from a shinobi career, and he hates any situation in which he can’t protect her.

She has her own children pretty young, and Shino is just a good a grandfather as he is a father.

Neji: 2 children – adopted daughter (beta), adopted son (alpha)

Neji is about 30 when he decides he wants to try to have a baby.

And he’s 32 when he finally comes to terms with the fact that he isn’t going to be able to conceive naturally because of the suppressant abuse he endured as a child.

Then, tragically, one of the branch members of his clan dies giving birth. Her mate can’t handle the stress and dies shortly afterwards, leaving their two-year-old daughter and newborn son behind.

Dying after a mate dies is not super uncommon but is much rarer in the cases where children are involved, so this exact situation doesn’t happen very often.

His heart breaks for them and he is close to begging you to adopt them with him.

And soon enough you have two children, siblings, and both Hyuugas like Neji.

You would never forget Neji’s face when he held his children for the first time. He would never let them be branded with the seal that has impacted his life so much. He would sooner run away from the clan forever.

Neji’s daughter takes a little while to adjust to her new parents, still distraught and grieving over the loss of her previous parents.

Neji understands and gets her a therapist, but he finds it difficult to watch his child suffer.

The first time she crawled into bed with you and Neji after a nightmare, Neji cried because she was finally starting to trust you both.

Neji’s daughter is a beta and when she recovers from her childhood trauma, she shows her true colours as a limelight lover!

She loves acting and dancing and singing whenever and wherever she can. She plans little plays for you and Neji, sitting you down to perform them for you every weekend. Neji is very proud!

But he doesn’t really know what to do when his daughter says she doesn’t want to be a ninja.

He loves and supports her, of course, but he’s thrown off, not really expecting it.

Eventually, he agrees to send her to a civilian school, and she immediately flourishes there, making so many friends, even starting a little after school performance style club.

Neji is so incredibly proud when she makes it as a famous actress. He lowkey brags constantly to his friends.

“Oh, your child just got promoted to chunin? How lovely. My daughter made more money this year than any chunin will see in their life…” Sips tea.

Neji’s daughter is so glamourous and outgoing and famous, but she never forgets her family, and loves to spoil you, Neji and her younger brother with her money.

Neji’s son doesn’t remember his biological parents and fits into your family seamlessly from day one. As far as he’s concerned, you and Neji are his only parents.

Just like his older sister, this boy is very extroverted, but rather than singing all the time, he talks. He’s the chattiest person you could ever meet.

Introverted Neji isn’t 100% sure about how to parent such extroverted children, he just doesn’t understand that they don’t enjoy too much solitary activity time.

He’s feels a lot better if you’re an extrovert, that way, he can have some alone time to recharge while you handle the children.

If you’re also an introvert… well, let’s hope Hinata was serious about her babysitting offer.

Neji’s son talks to everyone as I already mentioned, and adults think he is the cutest thing ever.

As he grows up, he always helps old people carry their shopping, he helps lost children find their parents, he is basically the alpha every parent dreams of their omega child bringing home.

He’s very charming and Neji is a lot less surprised when his son says he doesn’t want to be a ninja.

Eventually ends up working in the orphanage.

The children adore him so, so much, and he loves his job dearly.

Neji brags about him too.

“Wow, your child got top marks in the academy? My child was hand-making birthday gifts for some children at the orphanage when he was 11. He decided to do it all by himself…” sips more tea.

Whenever she’s in Konoha, his older sister turns up and gives all the kids at the orphanage gifts. She’s like a fun, rich aunt for all of them.

Neither of Neji’s children have children of their own, as they find their respective careers to be the most fulfilling thing for them.

Neji is a very proud father and is happy when his children are happy.

Iruka: None, or 2 children (he’s happy with either) – adopted son (omega), adopted daughter (omega)

Iruka would be happy with no children because he’s so dedicated to his work and his students, but he also adores children and wouldn’t mind having some of his own. This is an au in which he decides to have children.

He adopts his son at age 27, pretty soon after the war, choosing to adopt an older child who has less of a chance of being adopted.

A six-year-old omega with a bright smile and loud laugh, Iruka is immediately taken with him. The war had left many orphans, and it was hard on Iruka to walk around the orphanage, knowing he couldn’t adopt them all.

Iruka throws as much love as he can as his new son, taking time off work to bond with him properly, making sure to scent him loads and get him used to his new family environment.

Iruka is thrilled when his son shows a knack for pranks.

He plays the disapproving parent in public, but honestly, he loves it, as long as things don’t go too far.

Iruka’s son is a very kind-hearted person, if a little rambunctious, and he also has a huge nesting instinct.

You knew he was an omega when you adopted him, but it was very clear, nonetheless. He has a permanent nest in his room that he likes to chill in with his friends when they come over (he’s very popular with the other kids in his class.).

When he gets a little older, he goes to the academy, walking to and from every day with Iruka, and develops a passion for medicine when he’s a genin.

He has great chakra control and eventually ends up working full time at the hospital as an adult.

He chose a similar path to Iruka, in that he works as a ninja but is primarily based in the village, rarely leaving on missions.

He makes sure to come home for dinner at least once a week after he’s moved out, no matter how busy the hospital gets.

Iruka is so proud that his son is so talented and selfless, that sometimes it makes him tear up.

Iruka knows that he doesn’t want just one child.

When his parents died, he was all alone and it was horrible for him, so he knows he wants to have two children, so that when you and him die, they’re not alone.

Iruka is very ready to adopt again about two years after he adopted his son.

Iruka found the adoption process so rewarding that he wants to do it again over having a biological child.

He adopts a little girl this time, five years old and also an omega. When Iruka was meeting the children, this girl brought him a paper flower that she had folded as a gift and his heart just melted right then and there.

She fits in perfectly to your family, your son adored her immediately!

With three omegas living in your house now, you were very much outnumbered. It was a common occurrence to find yourself missing all your warm clothes, them having been borrowed and buried inside one of the three nests (minimum) nests in your house.

Iruka’s daughter is a gentle soul, but she is also strong. She appears like an easy target because she is soft spoken and reserved but she has a strong sense of justice and always stands up for herself and others.

When she’s young, she likes the idea of going into medicine like her older brother as she admires and looks up to him, but she doesn’t like the realities of the job very much.

She’s great at chakra control, but the idea of wrangling disobedient, injured shinobi doesn’t appeal to her.

Until one day, on her way home from a friend’s house, she finds an injured stray dog. She brings it home and begs you and Iruka to keep him. So, your family of four turns into a family of five, and she becomes obsessed with veterinary medicine.

As an adult, she ends up working at the veterinary clinic in the Inuzuka compound. She is committed to helping as many animals as she can, with a particular soft spot for dogs.

She also joins the rest of her family for dinners at least once a week. Iruka is so overwhelmingly proud that he has two medic children, because he knows how talented you have to be to do that.

He is also very happy that both his children stay mostly within the village. The war made Iruka a little paranoid, and he doesn’t worry so much when his children are safe within the village walls.

Gaara: 2 children – daughter (alpha), son (alpha)

Gaara has his children the youngest out of everyone his age that he knows. He had his daughter when he had just turned 21, and his son five years later when he was 26.

His daughter is Gaara’s sweetheart.

He adores her so much and spends as much time as he can with her. He is so gentle with her and loving all the time.

Gaara’s daughter is very energetic and playful, but also quite sensitive.

She loves positive attention, loves to play with everyone who will engage with her.

She’s a very family-oriented person and loves spending time with Kankuro and Temari when you and Gaara are busy.

However, because you, Gaara, Temari and Kankuro always treated her so gently, she was quite sensitive to people being angry or shouting at her.

Once, her teacher at school shouted at her for talking in class and she ran straight to the Kazekage’s office crying. Gaara was furious. He hates when his children cry, so much. He let her stay with him for the rest of the day to calm her down, sending you a message to let you know he was looking after her.

Gaara’s daughter visited him constantly, often bringing little lunchboxes of food for him, learning to new recipes constantly.

Trying to surprise him, she develops a great skill in cooking.

She decides, in the end, not to follow the shinobi route. She opens her own restaurant in Suna, charming customers with her amazing hostess skills and phenomenal cooking.

She allows all her family to eat for free, but they all pay anyway, because they love to support her. Gaara, especially, always leaves a huge tip for her and her staff.

Gaara’s son is born five years after his daughter, another alpha, leaving Gaara very outnumbered, with both his siblings, his mate and his children all being alphas.

Gaara’s son is very quiet and tactile.

He loves cuddles and hugs but doesn’t speak very much.

He enjoys spending time with Gaara in Gaara’s nest, despite not having nesting instincts of his own.

Gaara’s son is very close to you and Gaara. He always tells you when something is bothering him, and although he doesn’t speak much, he chooses his words carefully and they always mean something.

He actually excels at shinobi school, both in academics and in sparring, and moves up the ranks quickly. He spends a lot of time training with Kankuro and gets into puppetry.

Even when he becomes a jounin, he spends time with Gaara in his nest, still loving physical affection.

Gaara enjoys hosting family gatherings for everyone, his daughter cooks loads of dishes for it, his son makes sure to take time off missions to attend, and sometimes Temari drags Shikamaru to Suna as well to join them all.

Gaara smiles more often than not now, feeling so proud of the life he crafted for himself, and the family he worked hard to create.

(Phew! That was a lot! I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you thought and send me your own headcanons!!! <3)

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n0iro · 2 years

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Astro Boy HC: Tenmas drive to build a god

Reupload of of my personal explanation/hc how Tenmas drive to build a god formed and evolved over the years. Feel free to discuss. It is always stated Umataro Tenma wants to build a god. How did that wish arise? What is a god? Why does he want to build a god?I want to begin with his view on robots as a child and how it evolved over the years. The youngest we see him, next to Atom: The Beginning, is in one episode of Astro Boy 2003 where he has created a Teddybear-Robot to have someone to talk to. Tenma asks him "Little Bear, you're my Friend, right?". At this moment in the story Tenma & Ochan still view robots as friends. We can assume that Tenma has no friends nor family member he can talk to so he is pretty lonely. Being a genius and thus different from the norm increases the feeling of isolation because you aren't able to connect with your agegroup as well since your interest and development simply differ a lot. Being mixed race (OG Manga) isn't easy in japan as well. The bear also agrees with everything he says, maybe giving him the needed approval, someone he can vent to. A kind of substitude for a feeling no one in his surrounding gave him. At this point we have a little timeskip right to the tragedy which cost his parents lifes. If my calculations are correct he was 14 years old when it took place. We see him running towards the burning building, screaming at a fire fighter while grabbing his collar that his parents are still in there. The man is telling Umataro that they'd need a superman to get inside and save them. Umataro is helpless, he can only watch his parents die. Him reacting agressivly back then and throughout the series, trying to keep everything together, gives me the impression that he avoids showing vulnerability in form of emotions besides anger, even when he is sad, overwhelmed etc. and tries to keep himself together or shuts down. The classic "Boys don't cry" attitude. It was most likely, next to socienty, enforced by a person whose opinion he valued. Maybe by one of his parents. Him screaming at the fire fighter is just him feeling helpless and expressing it through anger. A trait he still has as an adult. He was probably rediculed for showing weakness in the past, feels ashamed of it now and has not developed healthy coping mechanisms. As a side note: While charcteristics of ones personality are inherited (nature) they get suppressed, enforced and formed by the outside world (nurture). Both play a large role when it comes to character development.

The firefighter mentioning they'd need a superman to save his parents gives him the idea to build a powerful robot who could prevent tragedies.Shortly afterwards he was placed in an orphanage. Imagine losing your parents at that age, moving in a home with complete strangers, not having any friends or family to lean on. He was basically powerless and vulnerable, something he detested. He had zero control over what happened to him. How could he be strong (or cover his weakness up and regain a feeling of control)? With a powerful robot. At the same time he built walls around him so he wouldn't have to watch anyone leaving him alone. According to the OG manga he even associated with bad people at this time. Why? I can only speculate. Maybe he was looking for anyone he could hold onto, maybe they could use his genius brain and he let them use him so he had someone. I don't think it filled the void in him.

Anyhow he has to deal with his grief by himself and starts to view people who need others as weak. I think this is the foundation that leads to his view on friendship he expresses in the micro bear episode in AB 03. Him not getting attached to other people or brushing A106 off as trash when he fails at sth help him keeping a distance between them and him so he can't lose anyone again as well. We saw how much Hiroshis nearly fatal injury impacted him.

He said to Ochan that a strong robot is cool. Strong regarding brute force. Yes, it is childish, but if you think about it, it's a visible demonstration of how he defines strength: defeating others, achieving what average humans can't, being surperior, being in control. The mix of 1.000 Horsepowers and the ability to think for himself, analyzeing and preventing the assault in the 1st Episode of Atom: The Beginning was the first step of A106 to become superman. A type of god, if you want to call him that. He doesn't lust for Power for the sake of power but rather to be in control.

A view years later we see him further developing robots with kokoro, but, while he is the minister of science, his colleagues call his work blasphemy (03 Manga) and some citizens riot against the development of more robots. Him being rude and overbearing doesn't help fostering a good relationship with the public. In the og manga he can't stand that he is the minister while Ochan is the more popular one, which, to me, is an indicator that he wants to be accepted by others and, while probalby not wanting to accept it, yearns for other people to understand and appreciate him. He is defining popularity via surperiority, academic success and achievements. He also wanted to impress Dr. Lolo by destroying her robot to prove he is worthy, he is strong. It is possible that is parents were strict and cared more about his achievments than him as a person. He looked for their approval e. g by being extremely good at school and now for others approval by being an overachiever at his job. He is frustrated and questions himself why he is the better scientist yet Ochan is admired more.

Anyway, him being a genius, getting more about robots than they, these average people, can even dream of, is beneficial when it comes to inflating ones ego. A mix between this and bitterness is highly toxic. At first he is scared of Atom because he is not under his control but when he sees how Ochan raises him he sees the potential he has to cooperate with him, being "his" again and loses his fear. He views people so far beneath him that robots should rule over them and be their "gods". At the same time he just wants his son back, even if it means deleting or supressing parts of Atoms memories again. Forced recognition, admiration, acceptance and control. Atom was in his hands after he wiped his memories in episode 49. He could have easily continued his plan to rule the world but as soon as he had him back he just lived with him in his old place. In the Anime, especially in the end, he always goes back and forth between Atom being his son and govering the world with him which gives me the impression that he himself has hasn’t got a clear idea of what he wants nor understands what he needs, while his needs come thourgh as feelings. When Atom dies he falls to his knees whispering that Tobio died again. I feel like he wants to govern over people, but only with Atom so he is his priority.

Finally, his drive on the surface level, him wanting to build a god, being powerful and ruling over others with him, has to be considered insane and is dangerous. Looking a bit deeper however it's clear that there is something else which drives him and that is a deeply rooted need for approval and creating safety through control. While an explanation doesn't excuse any of his deeds, inside he is a traumatized man and grieving father who lost everything, never developed a healthy coping mechanism, escaping into illusions and abusing his talents to somehow deal with the hand he has been dealt.

I would have made a character ask Umataro at different stages what he defines as a god and associates with the term.There are gods of destruction, those who forgive and save people etc. Many differnt words are assigned to gods. Wrath, Glory, Wisdom, Love, just to name a view. Are we talking about a type of god in religion or of the mythological type? Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines a god to be: "Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness who is worshipped (as in Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism) as creator and ruler of the universe"

In the end Umataro Tenma did create a robot with characteristics we could assign to a god. With 100.000 Horsepowers Atom surely is powerful, could rule over Metro City but instead he uses his power to protect it as a citizen who simply has some special skills. While not being wise, depending on how you define it, he surely is good to the bone, never provoking conflicts, peacefully resolving them, should they arise. He is trying to reach everyone through his words and deeds. In the last episode of the 03 Anime he forgives Tenma, huggs him, accepts him as his father and begs that he doesn't die by s*ic*ide. Atom recognizes the damage Tenma has done but he still cares deeply about him.

While Tenma called Atom a failure in some adaptions such as Pluto, he is probably exactly what Tenmas child-self would have loved to develop. A robot with a conscience, a kind person wanting to be your friend, rescueing people in need out of his own free will because he cares.

#astro boy #astro boy headcannon #atom the beginning #umataro tenma #tenma #tetsuwan atom

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leianaberrie · 3 years

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Bonnie wanted to split the world in half and claims she never wanted to see Kai again. She even sent her magic away and hindered her own escape. So from a doylist perspective this pisses me off cause I’m sure this was done cause the writers just wanted to isolate Bonnie and make her illogically self-sacrificing so she can put others safety before her own. But from a watsonian perspective, I find it interesting that Bonnie was so angry at Kai leaving her behind alone when that’s what she says she wanted. From her own words that was worse then him actually attacking her. I really wish 1994 Bonkai scenes lasted longer. It’s canon Bonnie was attracted to Kai and liked flirting with him and it would’ve been nice to see Bonnie confronting herself for that attraction. And I wish the writers weren’t obsessed with isolating Bonnie.

P.S it also bothers me that they had Bonnie all “I almost killed myself cause of you” when her and Damon made a suicide pact before Kai. And when her being trapped in that prison world wasn’t cause of Kai either, contrary to popular belief. But as usual that’s the narrative trying to avoid answering the question “why is Bonnie so willing to hinder her own escape to protect others?” Instead it’s easier to act like it all boils down to Kai.

I've been thinking about this ask for almost a day, that's why I haven't got round to replying it. There's so much to unpack in it!

From her own words that was worse then him actually attacking her.

Bonnie's reaction to Kai's abandonment is very telling of both her understanding of him, and of her own trauma. There was that initial attraction she had for him, and I think that this is part of what makes her so borderline irrational in her hatred for him. She chose to throw away her chance to escape so that she could protect a coven she didn't even know. In fact, the two people she met from the Gemini coven tried to hurt her and her friends. Damon gave her the reasonable (and you know there's a problem when Damon is the one who's being reasonable) alternative that they could work with Kai then deal with him after they return, but Bonnie refused to do so. She gave up her magic, and kept herself vulnerable with someone she claimed to fear, for a bunch of strangers?! What that tells me is that as violent as Kai behaved towards her (and her towards him), Bonnie never really expected him to harm her beyond a certain threshold.

So when he does stab her and abandon her, she feels betrayed. Because despite what she thought or told herself, she still believed on some level that his feelings for her would keep his violence at bay. It's why she threw her magic away in the first place. She expects him to do his worse to her - without her magic, she is "useless" - but on some level, she doesn't think Kai would hurt her irreparably. And going back even earlier to when she calls his bluff and tells him to siphon her to death, and think that was where she established Kai's "breaking point" to herself.

Most importantly, she doesn't expect Kai to abandon her. She thinks she's the one who will have to leave. Split the world into two, she said. But her reaction when he does leave her shows that she never really believed he would stay in his own half.

Which leads us back to trauma. Abandonment is Bonnie's biggest. Bigger than violence or even death, what Bonnie fears the most is being left alone. Canon brings this up but never actually deals with it because sadly, canon never really deals with Bonnie's issues. She was abandoned by her mother, and neglected by her father. We have flashbacks of her spending Christmas at the Gilberts's home, showing that Sheila was not there 24/7 either. She is devoted to her friends to the point of fanaticism, to the point where she's willing to die first and ask questions later to save them.

Even her friendship with Damon happens because of this. She gets over years of dislike and distrust in a few months because he's literally the only person in her life then. She falls in love with Enzo under the same circumstances. That's not normal teenage girl behavior. That's a girl with serious abandonment issues. So I think in a short period of time, she could and did get attached to Kai. He got under her skin. And she knew, deep down, that she got under his. Psycho or not, he felt something for her. When he left her in the Prison World, she forgot everything she said about "splitting the world into two" and she felt betrayed.

It would have been wonderful if the show had explored that. Explored Bonnie's trauma, explored her feelings for Kai. Explored her entire history and the series of choices that led her to that point. Her problems had started long before she met Kai. In Long Shadows (shameless plug!) I put Bonnie in the situation where she got everything she wanted, and she was still traumatized. She was angry at her friends, even though she tried to suppress those feelings. She had nightmares, panic attacks, swinging from being anti-social to wanting to be constantly surrounded by people. I really wanted her to go through that wringer and, you know, think about her life and think about her choices.

But the show wants us to believe that locking Kai up in the Prison World fixed all of Bonnie's problems when her problems had started long before she met Kai.

This is everything.

So I was going to also rant about how the story creates the situation for Bonnie to be isolated and Kat to be be out of the show for episodes on end, but I really don't have anything to add except "I agree!"

#bonnie bennett #bonkai #kai parker #bonnie bennett deserves better #tvd meta #tvd rant

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bestworstcase · 3 years

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I like your thoughts on how Rapunzel was handling things wrong in “Rapunzel: Day One.” The episode tries to imply that Cassandra is wrong for not sharing her feelings with Rapunzel, but is a Rapunzel really the person Cassandra should be opening up to? Rapunzel never respects Cassandra’s boundaries. Cassandra’s a private person. Rapunzel doesn’t respect that. And just because Cassandra doesn’t want to open up to everyone doesn’t mean that she’s bottling things up.

ok so this is gonna be a long one bc tbh i like. fundamentally disagree that RDO, the narrative of RDO, in any way positions cassandra as the one at fault for the emotional conflict between her and raps.

to digress a bit - while tts is not immune to Aesop Episodes (e.g. rapunzel's enemy or you're kidding me) wherein the characters close out the story by talking about What They've Learned, ultimately i don't think tts can or should be read as a morality play. it's a story where sometimes characters just... fuck up and the narrative doesn't waste its time on hand-holding or spoon-feeding us the moral.

anyway, i submit that RDO is what i'll call a False Aesop Episode. it follows the basic structure of an Aesop Episode (protagonist acts badly -> protagonist learns a lesson) but the lesson rapunzel learns is a bad one. it's like if you took... say, "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" as an aesop, the False Aesop here is rapunzel confidently eating a rotten apple and then being blindsided a few months later when the doctor who kept begging her not to eat food with maggots in it steals the moonstone from under her nose and runs off into the night with her new demon pal--

and that metaphor got away from me a little bit but you get the idea.

#1: constructing the conflict

the episode opens with cassandra. she's training; we see the sword fly out of her injured hand; lance suggests she take a break, and she answers, "thanks to rapunzel's little trick at the great tree, i have to relearn everything using this hand, so breaks aren't really an option."

she isn't harsh about it. her demeanor isn't all that different from her normal self—she even segues into a very typical concern (that the woods are dangerous and they should all be on their guard) and banters with lance a bit.

what this communicates, immediately and succinctly, is that:

1. cassandra's injury is severe. it's disabling. she's either in immense pain or she's lost all the strength in that hand or both.

2. cass is really upset about this, and not happy with rapunzel.

3. nevertheless cass is keeping her feelings more or less in check; the worst anyone could say about her is she's being a bit more curt than normal.

which is to say, she's acting quite reasonable. she's not taking out her hurt feelings on anyone else or being mean or lashing out, and she's not hiding her injury either. the most concerning thing about her behavior here is actually that she's focused on training so she can do her job instead of on healing or resting or taking care of herself.

then there's a pan over to rapunzel, who is angrily watching this play out while venting to pascal. "i get why cass is mad at me," she says. "she told me—" huge disdainful rolling of eyes here "—not to use the decay spell back and the tree, and i did, and she hurt her hand. but if she had just listened to me and stayed out of it, this all could have been avoided! and i feel like we could work things out, but she refuses to talk about it!!"

line this up against cassandra's behavior and spot the differences.

cass is focused on her injured hand. cass is upset because rapunzel accidentally mutilated her in the great tree. that's what this conflict is about for cass; her injury, and how she feels about being injured.

by contrast, rapunzel thinks the conflict is about them not listening to each other. she does acknowledge that cass was injured, but 1. she puts the blame on cass, and 2. has shoved the fact of the injury to the periphery of the conflict. it's not important, it's just a natural consequence of the real conflict, which is cass being mad and petty and refusing to talk to her about how she's unfairly blaming rapunzel for something that wasn't rapunzel's fault.

[i will add here that this behavior from rapunzel is 100% not knowing how to handle guilt and externalizing it as anger, and this thread of rapunzel burying her guilt gets picked up again in rapunzeltopia; it isn't that rapunzel doesn't care that cass is hurt, so much as she's just not emotionally equipped to process these feelings in a healthy way so it mutates into...this.]

and where cass handles her feelings in a pretty reasonable way, rapunzel rants and raves and draws cass as a literal monster with fangs and claws—she's stewing in her out of control emotions and concludes that she just has to find a way to force cass talk to her, which she does shortly thereafter by ordering—not asking—cass to come with her to search for parts to fix the caravan.

#2: the breakdown of communication

i've said it before but it bears repeating: cassandra might not be perfect, but she's a good communicator. in s1 and the front half of s2, she shares her feelings with rapunzel readily and frequently. when she tries to set boundaries with rapunzel, she's able to be clear and specific about what she needs. when she expresses frustration with eugene or her dad or rapunzel, she's very articulate about exactly what she's frustrated about. she can recognize when politer, softer refusals are being ignored and become blunter and more specific to ensure the message is getting across.

the moments when cass struggles to communicate are noteworthy because they're not normal. they signal that she's in acute crisis. think of how her unhinged rant about adira in RATGT heralded a complete emotional breakdown. she clams up in RDO because it's the only thing she can do to protect herself. because rapunzel is an inexperienced nineteen year old who learned all her social "skills" from a manipulative, egotistical abuser and nowhere in the series does that show more than in RDO.

rapunzel knows cass doesn't want to talk about the great tree, so she isolates cass from the rest of the group with the intention of forcing her to talk about it anyway. she's passive aggressive at first: chattering about inanities and trying to bait cass into 'opening up,' and acting vexed and guilt-trippy when she finds out cass brought owl along. she broaches the subject by going "too bad there's not an open-up-to-your-best-friend-about-the-thing-you-guys-are-fighting-about wand, huh?"

then she leads with "i know you're mad at me, but i did the right thing. i didn't have a choice," which... what can cass even say to that? she acknowledged cassandra's anger in one breath and followed up with "but you're wrong tho" in the next. that statement makes cassandra's feelings about her debilitating injury into an argument about Who Was Right.

this is a game that cass tries very hard not to play. "look, if you feel that way, then it's fine. we're good," she says, which is a statement that is not true at all on its face but - what it means is that if rapunzel wants to turn this into a debate about Who Was Right, cass will concede because that's not an argument she's invested in. cass does not want to put her feelings on trial so rapunzel can pick them apart and decide whether she deserves to have them or not.

so she disengages. the sun sets. they camp. rapunzel pokes her again, this time with a more direct approach: "cass, i need to talk about what we both know is going on between us."

and that's when cass throws up a WALL. prior to RDO, when cass is pressed on her feelings, she either: 1. opens up and explains to the extent that she's able (e.g. under raps or RATGT), or 2. flatly shuts the conversation down (e.g. cassandra vs eugene). but in RDO?

"there's nothing to talk about."

"i never said i was upset."

"what makes you so sure that you know how i'm feeling?"

this is cass falling off the end of her rope. this is a cass who spent the last year and a half with rapunzel running roughshod over every boundary cass exhausted herself trying to set. this is cass maybe a few weeks out from rapunzel screaming at her in front of all their mutual friends and then telling her "i am going to make decisions you don't agree with and i need you to be okay with that" when cass tried to open up about her deepest insecurities. this is cass spiraling into despair because she's seen that her best friend cares more about assuaging her own guilt and exerting her authority as a princess than she does about cassandra's feelings.

this is the moment when the friendship dies.

#3: the memory wipe, cassandra's apology, and the false aesop

the details of the tangled-but-cass shenanigans are not super important for the purposes of this discussion. suffice it to say that cassandra lashes out in the heat of the moment, seriously harms rapunzel by mistake, and spends the rest of the episode trying to repair the damage, then apologizes to rapunzel for hurting her. this is, obviously, the correct thing to do when you hurt someone, even if it was an accident.

you see the parallel here, yeah?

rapunzel hurt cass with magic by accident, and then made cass's hurt feelings all about her, blamed cass for the injury, twisted the facts to justify her own indignation, picked a fight about Who Was Right and invalidated cassandra's feelings, and pushed and pushed and pushed until cass blew up and lashed out at her.

cassandra also hurt rapunzel with magic by accident, and then she set aside her own hurt feelings from the argument they were having before to focus one hundred percent of her energy on brewing a cure and keeping amnesiac rapunzel safe, readily admitted her fault, and offered an earnest apology for losing her temper as soon as she could reasonably do so.

if RDO were a true Aesop Episode, this would be the lesson, and rapunzel would of course learn from cassandra's good example and reciprocate by apologizing for the accident in the great tree and her abysmal behavior afterwards—and in a reflection of how cass shared how bottling up her anger allowed it to erupt in a catastrophic way, rapunzel would probably confess that her demanding, selfish behavior came from a place of feeling awful about what happened and terrified that it would ruin their friendship.

but RDO is a False Aesop Episode. rapunzel isn't emotionally equipped to handle the intensity of her guilt, and she lacks the social insight and empathy to draw comparisons between what she did to cass and what cass did to her, so she can't connect the two situations in her head to understand what she's doing wrong. the true aesop flies right over her head, and instead what she learns is this:

1. she was right about cass being upset

2. backing cass into a corner fixed the problem

3. friends really do "just know"

4. being pushy and forceful was the right thing to do.

because the thing is, when cass apologizes for the accidental memory wipe, she truthfully explains why she acted the way she did—she's furious and she didn't want to talk about it, so she held it in as long as she could and then exploded when the pressure became too much—and for rapunzel, i think the explanation and the actual apology get conflated. meaning, cass says "i'm sorry for what i did out of anger" and what rapunzel hears is "i'm sorry for being angry."

and because of that misunderstanding, from rapunzel's perspective her own indignation has been validated and her behavior justified, because she was right all along and cass shouldn't have been angry with her in the first place and now everything is fine--

but it's not fine.

we're not supposed to share rapunzel's perspective here, because she's flat out wrong. nothing is really better and nothing has really changed, except that rapunzel got the talk she wanted and stops putting this intense pressure on cass. so as we enter the house of yesterday's tomorrow, rapunzel is taking it for granted that things are fine with cass, and meanwhile cass is still injured, still angry, still as aloof as she can be without getting rapunzel breathing down her neck again... and then she meets zhan tiri, who gives her everything she needed and couldn't get from rapunzel.

like, to my mind, this is the entire point of RDO, that rapunzel makes this catastrophic mess of trying to patch things up after RATGT and comes out of that mess wrongly thinking she succeeded. the episode is presented through the lens of rapunzel's perspective, but the lines are very wide and i absolutely think the intention is for the audience to read between them and understand the reality that rapunzel has sort of blinded herself to.

#tts #rta #interpersonal conflict......good #theres also a whole separate layer of stuff going on in RDO w the class dynamic #this fight coming on the heels of raps pulling rank in RATGT and all but ordering cass to shut up and deal. like -#in RDO cass is Literally Doing What Rapunzel Ordered Her To Do #being okay with the decisions rapunzel made that hurt her #except that's not what rapunzel wants really. rapunzel wants cass to be her friend #but cass learnt in RATGT that her friendship can't transcend her servitude #she knows now that when push comes to shove rapunzel will treat her like a servant so... she acts accordingly #er #long post

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caffernnn · 3 years

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Final stroke spoilers: ⚠️‼️

I just saw a post on Twitter about the Haru and Rin scene and how they didn’t feel that it was that ooc of Haru. I thought I was the only one who felt that it was kind of justified on Haru’s end. Because both Rin and Ikuya put Haru and their friends through so much when they were lost and wanted to swim with Haru again. And I get that professional swimming is entirely different than what they’re used to, but it really sucks that as soon as the competition got a little hard they decided to just drop free and only swim their preferred styles. That’s got to be a slap in the face to Haru, because what was all of that other stuff about? Like Rin wanted for YEARS for Haru to swim on the world stage and after the first race is like “you’re on your own.” He honestly deserves it to be honest even if Haru would’ve never said anything to protect their friendship he was clearly thinking or thought these thoughts. For a show where Haru is the mc we rarely get to see how he feels about things. I wish we can see the movie soon, cause I really wanna see how that whole sequence takes place.

⚠️ Talking about Free! Final Stroke spoilers below the cut ⚠️

It’s wild to me (it probably shouldn’t be surprising; idk) how even going off of just spoilers, there is a clear divide in the reactions people are having to Haru’s actions in the movie, especially in reference to the sudden shift leading up to the fight with Rin. I can see why people are surprised by it on a base level because so much of his successes in DttF, paired with the camaraderie everyone seems to have for a majority of the movie, leads you to believe Haru has emotionally matured and stabilized since high school, which is true! He’s more open to change and examining his emotions, especially as he starts to grapple with a high-stakes long-term goal for what feels like the first time. With that said, all of this can be true at the same time Haru is going through a steady breakdown that can/will likely lead to burnout. So many people who’ve been put through rigorous academic programs or career training or anything else equally as intensive can attest to the frustration of feeling like every few steps forward (gaining experiential knowledge, making connections, learning more about your identity in reference to x goal, etc) are followed by a step back (exhaustion, plateaus, expectations you can’t meet, mistakes spilling out when you can’t keep repressing the negatives in the name of “productivity”). Haru was able to make it this far because he has grown and started to heal some of the cracks in his support group, but the sheer amount of pressure makes it easier for him to break, and old wounds that never fully healed have time to fester.

I probably sound like a broken record in these movie-related posts when talking about Haru getting obsessed with becoming stronger and not knowing what to do with that fairly new and overwhelming drive. I can’t be mad at Haru completely for his choices here (can’t wait to be called a Haru apologist when the movie comes out in more places jfjdjd) because he partially fell victim to circumstance. This is one of the first times Haru takes the expectations of him being a “hero” or “prodigy” into consideration, and now he’s trying to navigate the expectations of success that come with those titles while not being sure 1) what exactly they are beyond winning, and 2) not being sure if they’re actually attainable for him. Along with that, he’s putting faith in Ryuuji’s instruction and guidance because he needs someone with any sort of credibility or experience with the pro circuit to show him how to get to the top. Even though from an outside standpoint it’s easier to discredit and reject Ryuuji’s assertion that everyone at the top has to give something up to get there, there are a number of reasons Haru reconsiders the notion with everything he’s seeing. He’s seeing his newest rivals reach crazy success and strength through isolation, and Ryuuji is dangling a golden opportunity in front of his face by going to Haru in the moments where he’s most vulnerable and saying “yes, that strength you crave is possible for you, but only if you pay this specific price for it.” Nobody should bear the weight of “saving” Haru from his circumstances (especially not his friends on their own journeys… Ryuuji and other mentors watching this trainwreck can eat my shorts tho), but dealing with this ultimatum while his core support group is pushing forward through their own challenges and/or busy in another country, I can’t be too surprised when he starts to overextend himself and burst at the seams.

As far as the blow-up with Rin, I won’t say it’s fully justified, but it’s understandable. The way Haru has had to make peace with his hardships with Ikuya and Rin has largely been by atoning for his own involvement in those rifts and trying to turn over a new leaf without expecting much in return. He took the opportunities of swimming with both of them again to replace any apologies on their parts and largely made peace with it. As much as it’s going to hurt to watch, I’m interested to see this fight play out because it sounds like it addresses a problem we bring up a lot in meta analyses posts: there needs to be more explicit conversations and apologies between characters, or the closure feels flimsy and temporary at best. This fight isn’t about closure (it’s about a lot of things both involving and excluding Rin, but I ranted about that in the other spoiler post) but it’s acknowledgement after all of this time that there’s still a need for it. Having Rin back in his life as a rival and friend has held the caveat in the back of his mind that Rin will leave his side again if Haru’s friendship/rivalry stops serving all of his interests. Haru’s ultimate fear of being abandoned by people, of people using him without understanding him and then throwing him aside for someone/something else, is drastically coming back to the surface in all of his stress. Rin and Ikuya choosing to continue their pro careers with strokes that better suit their strengths isn’t abandonment, just like Makoto choosing a university in Tokyo wasn’t, but Haru is so lost in his own stress and despair that he can’t see these choices as anything but personal attacks in the moment. These choices don’t have to do with Haru and we’re never meant to hurt him (which he comes to realize by the end of each fight), but the unresolved issues mixed with his fears make him explode.

It’s not a black and white situation where only one side is in the right, and I hope whatever resolution comes in the second movie acknowledges that. Rin didn’t deserve Haru’s taunting and wrath in that moment, but I do want him to reflect on the whole mess and recognize that Haru’s in a desperate place not unlike the one he was in when he first went to Australia and seemingly cut everyone off. I want them both to consider that avoiding airing out those insecurities because it’d be uncomfortable or embarrassing ultimately led them back here, unsure how to talk about changes and concerns without first having one of them explode or hit rock bottom. They can be friends outside of swimming, I’d want them to be friends outside of swimming, but I think Haru isn’t blind to how much of their connection is reliant on intrigue in the water, and a part of him is scared that Rin won’t have a reason to stick around if they aren’t rivaling each other in the same stroke anymore.

All of this can make for a great chance of resolution in the second movie, if done well. There’s opportunity for Haru to realize that the trajectory of dreams can change, and just like Rin changing his stroke or Makoto changing his training emphasis, you can honor the parts of the dream that first inspired you while finding a path that honors the person you’ve become. There’s opportunity for Haru to break from the dangerous echo chamber he’s currently in telling him he has to do this all alone in a few ways. Maybe he’ll have a moment where he’s like “I gave up everything and still couldn’t get stronger, so now I need to get back to finding what gives me strength personally.” Maybe he’ll have a moment where he’s like “if my only option is a path paved in loneliness, I need to find a new dream.” There are so many directions the story can go in at this point, and I’m excited to see what happens next (and maybe write about the paths they don’t choose lol).

#spoilers #final stroke spoilers #once again turning crumbs into a feast #I’ll get back to non-spoiler convos soon dw #the Haru brainrot is real though #thanks for sending!#anonymous

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