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inuyashaluver · 6 months

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hi hi hi I love your fics. I was wondering if you could more grace clinton. maybe about a new years kiss?? <33 also I love the way you add the social media posts very nice touch!!

happy new year - grace clinton

grace clinton x reader

description: in which you and your best friend don’t have anyone to kiss for new years, a friendly kiss won’t hurt, right?

warnings: long!! a little swearing

a/n: my love! you’re so sweet, thank you so much for the kindness and your request, enjoy ❤️ media posts till i DIEE, also can we tell i get to requests late HAHAHHA

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

since the day you and your best friend, grace, met, she has always been your go to person. you and grace had a bond that people could only dream about, radiating love, warmth and respect.

the two of you were truly a dynamic duo, stuck together like glue. unfortunately for the both of you, in a platonic way, something you both unknowingly wanted to progress further into something more.

it’s been that way since you were both 12, the best of friends through thick and thin. the bond between the two of you was very special, everyone could tell.

specifically through the way you both could laugh at anything and everything. the ability to be serious yet silly all at the same time.

sharing your stupid little inside jokes that had you both cackling while everyone shrugged around you because they really didn’t understand the joke. it was soulmate energy, affection begging to be shown between the two of you.

no one really understood you like grace did and vice versa. you truly brought out the best in each other, both on and off the pitch. it was honestly quite concerning how the two of you didn’t realise the amount of mutual infatuation you had for each other.

especially since you lived together, played in all the same clubs, spent each and every minute of everyday with each other, yet the confessions were never verbalised.

the amount of times the two of you had been ‘subtly’ told by your teammates that you both liked each other was unnerving. both of you dismissing it.

in your case, you were terrified to say something, the time didn’t feel right. you and grace had just been called up to the senior england team, both of your seasons at the spurs was going well, you didn’t want to jeopardise anything, you couldn’t afford to lose grace.

in grace’s case, she was also terrified, she could never really confirm whether your affection towards her was strictly platonic or not, you were notorious for being one of the kindest people in the world, you were incredibly affectionate, she truly believed you only viewed her as a friend.

oh how the two of you were just plain wrong. you’re absolutely perfect for each other.

—

grace was scrambling around your shared flat, huffing out in frustration when she couldn’t find her left boot. you both had to leave for training in 5 minutes.

“love, have you seen my boot anywhere?” she yells out, now for some reason throwing all the pillows off the couch.

you come into the room with a concerned expression, holding back a laugh at an annoyed grace laying on her stomach with her phone light shining under the couch.

“gracie” you call out, holding the boot in your hand with a cheeky grin. she whips her head towards you, letting out a sigh of relief and hurrying up towards you.

“you’re a lifesaver” she breathes out, grabbing the back of your head and placing a kiss on the top of it before she rushes back to her room.

your cheeks flush instantly and you have to fan yourself to calm down, moving to grab some pre-made smoothies from your fridge for the car ride, pressing them against your cheeks.

you sling your bag over your shoulder and wait for grace by the door, she was always the late one out of the two of you. she comes out with a smile, a little puffed out from all the hustle and bustle.

she takes one of the cups from you, also taking your bag off your shoulder and putting it on hers, “gracie,” you groan, ready to tell her you can carry your own bag.

she looks over her shoulder at you, winking when she caught your eye, “shh, let gracie help you, love” she mocks and shuts you up, making you shake your head fondly as she walks you out to her car.

when you’re both situated in your seats, grace wordlessly hands you the aux cord, sending you a gentle grin as your fingers brushed hers as you took it.

whatever song you played, grace made an effort to add it to her secret playlist dedicated to you, learning all the songs on there off by heart so she could scream the lyrics with you.

you and grace both entered the spurs training facility with bright grins, laughing loudly with each other as you stumble through the door, unaware the social media team was filming a little project at the moment.

“our dynamic duo, what’s on your lockscreen?” she said, you and grace simmer down your giggles, taking your phones out and showing them to the camera.

“this is a picture of grace being an idiot” you chuckle, saying it while directly looking at her, she sticks her tongue out and puts her phone in front of yours, “here’s a photo of (y/n) being an idiot” she parrots cheekily, making you laugh when you see the photo.

you both wave to the camera and grace slings her arm over your shoulder, still carrying yours and hers bags when you enter the change rooms.

the comments on that video had everyone going insane, there was always the common debate about yours and grace’s relationship, considering how close the two of you were.

—

there were so many instances where you and grace were obviously in love, not uncommon in your day to day life.

you were both walking out to the pitch for training, grace telling you a story that had you laughing brightly, only becoming worse when she would keep adding to it, struggling through the laughs she was producing.

“and then i fucking dropped the drink on the floor and it went everywhere!” she laughed, you join her, stumbling over your feet about to fall to the ground before you felt a warm hand planted firmly on your waist.

grace pulled you up quickly, the force of it having you smashing into her side, “easy” she chuckles, rubbing up and down your waist quickly before she let it linger on your lower back, directing your steps.

your cheeks go pink, your breath quickening a little at the interaction.

grace looks down at you a little worried about your breathing, “you okay?” her thick, northern accent making your stomach lurch, butterflies were an understatement when it came to grace.

“yep, fine” you breathe out, grace narrows her eyes at you but nods, hand still on your back as the group gathers, only leaving your body when you had to train, and of course, you’re partnered up.

clearly the two of you were in a silly mood because you two could not stop giggling. everyone would smile at the two of you, honestly the both of you were big kids stuck in adult bodies and it was incredibly endearing.

you were a striker, grace decided to practise her set piece with you in preparation for an upcoming match. you were known to be a little unstoppable, a rising star in everyone’s eyes, you were relentless when it came to scoring goals.

grace kicked the ball to you and you plant it in the back of the net, grace runs over to you and hoists you up in her waist, running around with you as you scream and laugh. acting as though she’s never seen you score before.

“top bins” she yells, making you laugh brightly as she jumped up and down with you in her arms, you slap her shoulder with a laugh, “gracie we have to practise,” you chuckle, she places you down on the floor with a laugh, waiting for you to run up so she could pass you the ball again.

and when you manage to score again, she just could not ignore the amount of admiration for you, hoisting you up again and running around the pitch while the team laughs at your screams and laughter.

“$5 they confess right now” beth jokes, celin laughs brightly, “no way, i don’t think it will ever happen” she smiles, watching as grace puts you on the ground as you shove her, your smiles infectious for everyone watching. “they’re so stupid” beth coos.

“gracie, don’t do that anymore” you laugh, giving her chest a little shove, “never” she replies cheekily, giving your nose a little squeeze before running off.

you smile as you watch her running off, waiting for you by your water bottles and chucking yours to you when you were near.

“what a save! ever considered being a goal keeper?” she teases, you drink your water with a shake of your head and flip her off, making her giggle before you both chat back and forth, promptly getting yelled at by beth for being distracted.

—

changes were evident when you and grace got called up again for the senior team, only this time, you were both debuting.

you were both starting, grace managing to assist you in two goals and getting her own in turn. you both got subbed off 20 minutes till full time and collapsed on the bench with bright smiles.

“little superstar, two goals” grace smiles down at you, nudging your shoulder with hers, you smile at her, “little superstar, one goal, technically three with your perfect assists” you say cheekily, nudging her like she did to you.

she looked down at your lips for a second before swallowing harshly, suddenly hyper aware of where she was, she faced the front with a nervous expression. you missed it completely.

she quickly begins to feel comfortable when you joke about something, falling into comfortable conversation and giggles.

you both joked as you watched the match, both of you yelling when something bad would happen or when something went well. all grace could really focus on was you, only reacting when you would because you were actually paying attention.

when the match concluded, you jumped on grace’s back and without a second thought, she held you by the underside of your thighs as you went to talk to your teammates.

“are you two dating yet?” ella laughs when she saw you leaning down to whisper something in grace’s ear as she chuckled.

you both froze, alessia winces and slaps her best friend on the shoulder, “tooney!” she exclaims, ella looks at her offendedly, “what?” alessia shakes her head, sending you both an apologetic smile as she dragged ella away, promptly scolding the girl as they walked.

you clear your throat and wriggle out of grace’s embrace, awkwardly chatting while you walked along side each other but returning to normal when you both laughed about a sign someone was holding with both you and grace on it saying ‘bestie goals’. you both wished it said something else on it.

—

though, what really changed everything was a new year’s party the lionesses frequently had. you and grace both got ready at home and when you came out of your room to an awaiting grace on the couch, her breath hitched at seeing you.

you looked drop dead gorgeous, stumbling inside while adjusting your earring. her mouth was slightly agape as she took you in, “do you think this looks okay?” you say with a little uncertainty, giving a little twirl with a nervous smile.

“(y/n) you look so beautiful,” she says earnestly, her eyes staring into yours as you nervously shifted your weight between your feet. your cheeks were pink, and so were grace’s.

“really?” you breathe out, grace nods firmly, “really, love” she smiles, you look at grace up and down, smiling as you took in her appearance. you were unintentionally in matching colours.

“you look beautiful as well, gracie” you smile, “but you copied my colour” you tease, grace rolls her eyes amusingly, “fine, i’ll change” she jokes when she stands up from the couch, you catch her hand before she could move past her.

“you look perfect, no” you scold, pulling her towards the car. she swore she went into cardiac arrest then and there.

you’re still hand in hand by the time your reach the car, grace making an effort to open the door for you with a sheepish grin when you smile at her affectionately, a small, “thank you, gracie” escaping your lips that made her nervous.

when you both get to the party, you’re instantly thrust into different conversations, unfortunately being separated.

that didn’t mean you didn’t stop looking at each other, however, your eyes always managing to connect from the other side of the room before making your way to each other again.

you and grace opted to not drink, she had driven and you didn’t want her to be sober alone, she was incredibly grateful for you.

you both chat and laugh, engaging in other conversations while grace placed her hand on the small of your back again, claiming you needed to stay with her or she’d ‘go insane’.

it was 11:50 and you watched as your teammates and friends all neared their partners, sticking close to them so they could have that new years kiss.

you looked to your side on the small couch, grace. grace was there. like she always was.

you couldn’t help the lingering thoughts of how you wanted grace to be your new years kiss, something you dreamt about every year.

if only you knew about the war going on in her mind at that moment, she fiddled with the rings on her fingers as she watched the surrounding couples get increasingly affectionate as the time neared.

you and grace danced along to the music on the couch before you both got pulled up by ella, “no sitting!” she laughs, pushing you forward and making you stumble into her arms before she walked away with joe.

grace’s hands catch you by the waist, your own holding her shoulders for support as you looked up at her. she swallowed the lump in her throat as she looked at you, your wide eyes and plump lips making her incredibly nervous.

you glance over at the time quickly for good measure, 11:59. “it’s almost midnight” you breathe out, grace nods, humming at your words. “yeah, 1 minute” she points out, her head double checking before focusing back on you.

“should we kiss at midnight?” you blurt out, internally cursing yourself for your forwardness. though, to your surprised grace nods, “why not?” grace shrugs.

a little smile plays at the corner of her lips at the thought of kissing you. you were both incredibly surprised at how forward the whole situation was.

“nothing wrong with kissing your best friend” you stutter, “no, nothing at all” she rushes out, making you both giggle before you hear people counting down from ten.

your pupils were blown out, grace as well, additionally with the two of you so pink in the cheeks, it looked like you were sunburned.

both of your eyes would stare into each other’s before dropping to your lips, both of you were incredibly nervous but overall excited.

by the time it reached two, everything felt in slow motion as grace cradled your cheek in her hand, gently pulling you forward till your lips met hers.

“happy new year!” people yelled.

almost feeling as though you had done it before, you both kissed each other sweetly, expressing everything you felt just with the press against your lips.

she pulled you closer as your arms wrapped around her neck, pressing you against her as your mouths moved together.

grace lets out a happy sigh against you, her hand around you waist moving to give your hip and gentle squeeze.

you hum against her, making her grin against your lips, your own little grin making its way into the kiss before you both pulled away in need of air.

you’re both still incredibly close to each other, everything tuning out around you as your breaths intermingled with each other.

“i love you” she breathes out, you smile at her and without hesitation you reply, “i love you” making her grin and press another tender kiss against your lips.

you hear some faint cheering but you ignore it, only focusing on the girl in front of you. your girl. her girl. finally.

of course when you and grace pull away, you’re teased like no tomorrow, both of you just taking it with bright grins as grace back hugged you, her arms around your middle as she kissed your cheek, your hands holding onto her arms resting on you.

—

you both got home after the party and grace just couldn’t resist you anymore. kissing your neck gently while your shaky hands attempted to open the door.

she places her hand around yours holding the key, helping you open it with a chuckle and closing it behind her when she gently pushes you inside.

as soon as the door closes, you surge forward and kiss her, she hums out surprised against you, walking you backwards until you both reach the couch.

she sits down first, patting her lap and giving you an inviting smile that had you swooning. you straddle her lap and she pulls you into a kiss without missing a beat, your tongues exploring each others mouths before her teeth gently tugging your bottom lip.

you smile when she releases it gently, moving forward to kiss her again. she suddenly giggled against you and you pull away with an amused smile, cocking your head to the side questioning her giggles.

“sorry, i just never thought this would happen” she says adoringly, her hand moving to rub the apple of your cheek gently, “yeah, me too” you smile, carding your hands through her hair and gently scratching the back of her neck with your nails, making her completely melt under your touch.

you both talked and talked all night, interrupted by a few stolen kisses until you both fell asleep on the couch. when you woke up to grace’s head resting on your chest as your legs were tangled, you couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

you smooth down the back of her hair gently and she stirs awake, holding herself above you and smiling down charmingly before tucking her head into the crook of your neck.

she places a gentle kiss there before she straddles your hips, kissing all over your face until you broke out into a fit of giggles, making her giggle along with you just at the sweet sound.

“will you be my girlfriend, baby?” grace breathes out, nudging your nose with hers, you nod instantly, pulling the back of her neck until your lips met with hers gently.

“i’d love to” you whisper against her, another kiss placed on your lips that made you so dizzy, you were both absolutely blissed out.

—

when you both went back to training, let’s just say some money was passed around with groans at seeing your intertwined hands.

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you know the drill, just pretend it’s you! ily celin❤️

liked by ellatoone and 44,232 others

graceclinton_x: me looking at her like this even though she stole my food

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yourname: baby, sharing is caring

↳ graceclinton_x: sharing is caring when it only applies to you, baby girl

↳ yourname: very true xx smart girl!

↳ graceclinton_x: mhm

ellatoone: why don’t you ever look at me like that, clinton?

↳ alessia: ella

↳ graceclinton_x: ella

↳ yourname: ella

↳ ellatoone: what?

#woso #woso community #woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso one shot #woso imagine #grace clinton x reader #grace clinton

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bloodyinkandquill · 24 days

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Subspace x astronomer Reader who is equally morally questionable

i spent like 5 minutes trying to figure out how to word that title, hell it might still be subject to change so we shall see lmao, and wow third subspace request the people really like subspace, it did change i honestly almost went with ‘reader who matches his freak’ i literally had to consult my friend on it

- You guys practice your evil laughs with each other, before I said anything else I had to say that, you two will just stand there and cackle at each other for minutes on end giving each other pointers on how to improve it, make sure to have water nearby because laughing maniacally with each other does a number on your throat, especially with his being affected by rot just like a good portion of his body

- Before you Subspace had never had any interest in space, the stars, the moon, whatever, none of it seemed interesting to him, however after meeting you he started to take time to appreciate the sky, the hundreds of stars he could see from the cold Blackrock nights, the moon’s cycle, all of it was suddenly a lot more interesting to him, but he preferred not to research any of it, instead preferring to hear you speak on it, how passionate you were about the stars and their movements

- Though the listening to you go on and on was not just him, you would listen to him go into great detail about his experiments, they were far from ethical but neither of you cared, honestly it was exhilarating sometimes, on rare occasion you’d join him in his lab and watch the different reactions to toxic substances, it was mesmerizing

- He would also join you in your lab as you used your giant telescope and charted the movements of stars and how it might affect the Inphinity, he wouldn’t be as hands on but he liked hearing you ramble about all of the stars in the sky and your theories, he’d also peer review any papers you do on astronomy, you were both Blackrock scientists after all

- You two plan future experiments Subspace can conduct, you enable each other, but it doesn’t matter, as long as Blackrock gets their research they condone all actions he does to get the necessary research and scientific improvements, after the invention of the Biografts they became far more lenient, he invented them a robotic army, of course they don’t mind if he kills a few demons here and there

- Due to your profession and love for beyond the sky he gives you a pet name or two based on space, his cosmo or his moon, in turn you gave him the nickname you’re sun, together you shine brighter, it would be more poetic if the shining wasn’t scientific murder, but oh well you gotta break a couple eggs anyways

sorry these were shorter i had to write them between working on a russian assignment lmao, i hope they’re good again tried to be character accurate!

#x reader #phighting #phighting x reader #phighting!#phighting subspace x reader #subspace x reader phighting #phighting subspace #subspace phighting #subspace x reader

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life-at-hogwarts · 8 months

Text

So cold (House of Gaunt)

Pairing: Ominis x GN!reader

Warnings: just a bit of fluff and drama

Wordcount: 1.3k

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

The first snow was always something special at Hogwarts. It turned the castle into something straight out of a fairy tale. You couldn’t help smiling to yourself when you heard the satisfying noise of fresh snow under your feet when you crossed the courtyard. Not that you particularly liked the winter but even you had to admit that the first snow had something magical. You were on your way to meet Sebastian and Ominis in the library to study together for the oncoming exams but since you were early you decided to take your time and took the longer way through the courtyard to catch a glimpse of the spectacle.

Suddenly something cold hit your temple and you quickly turned around to look for the culprit, expecting it to be Sebastian who was always up for some sort of mischief. Instead, you discovered Ominis, now innocently waving at you from across the courtyard. Before you had time to process what had happened you were hit again, this time right in the face. “Just you wait you little…,” you growled and quickly grabbed a handful of snow, throwing it in his direction. Ominis however caught the snowball midair with his wand and sent it right back to you, landing another hit. Sometimes you forgot that Ominis, although blind, was one of the most powerful wizards at Hogwarts. He was the heir of Slytherin after all and according to Sebastian he was an excellent duelist who had humbled the cheeky brunette a number of times.

You decided to go for a different tactic and sprinted over to him tackling him to the ground. He let out a surprised grunt when he found himself laying in the snow, unable to get up because there was someone on top of him. Satisfied with yourself you gave him a quick kiss on the top of his nose, then scrambled to get up before someone could ask what you were doing.

“You know, I was trying to be sweet,” Ominis grumbled while he brushed the snow off his robes.

“What can I say? I like to play rough,” you giggled and gave him another kiss on the cheek. “Are alright though?”

“I will be once I get my hug,” he said innocently, yet when you obliged and wrapped your arms around him, he quickly took the chance to stuff a handful of snow down your shirt. You squealed when it melted and trickled down your back and Ominis laughed mischievously.

“Oh, you are so going to pay for that!”

A few minutes later both of you were soaking wet and out of breath after chasing each other around the courtyard, giggling like children. The light snowfall was slowly turning into a blizzard, and you started to shiver in the biting wind.

“Let’s get you inside, you’re freezing,” Ominis declared and offered you his hand. You took it and wanted to head towards the library when Ominis held you back. “Let’s go to the common room. We can warm ourselves at the fireplace.” A tempting offer you had to admit.

“What about Sebastian? He’s waiting for us in the library,” you reminded him.

“I’ll send him an owl.”

The Slytherin common room was empty. Most students had gone to the Quidditch match that was taking place that afternoon. You shook your head at this – you couldn’t share their enthusiasm for sitting in the freezing cold watching people on broomsticks throw around balls. Luckily Ominis and Sebastian shared your sentiment on Quidditch, and you could therefore avoid going to the games altogether. With everyone gone you quickly made your way to the fireplace and warmed your hands by the fire while Ominis sat down on the sofa, kicked off his shoes and curled up in a worn knit blanket. You spent a few more minutes enjoying the welcoming heat of the fire before you joined him and snuggled up to him. When he wrapped the blanket around both of you and pulled you closer you sighed contently and buried your face in his chest. Neither of you spoke for a while, and you listened to the gentle cackle of the fire and Ominis deepening breaths and concentrated on the feeling of his chest slowly lifting and lowering. His long, elegant fingers began stroking your hair and tracing your features and it felt like time stood still. Being with Ominis always felt like you were the only two people in this world, as if the universe froze to watch, in awe of two souls dancing to the tune of love. And just for a moment it was perfect.

------------------------

When you were called to the headmaster’s office you immediately knew what it was about.

It was no secret that the Gaunts and headmaster Black were close. No doubt Marvolo had told on you. Yet nothing could have prepared you for what was waiting for you when you entered the office. Erebus Gaunt. Ominis father turned around when he heard you enter, his dark stare fixated on you. Headmaster Black gestured you to come closer. “You know why you’re here I presume?” he asked you solemnly. You held his gaze and nodded slowly. “Marvolo’s father asked to have a word with you. I will leave you alone so you can talk.” Please don’t leave me alone with him, you wanted to say but you know it was no use. You tried your best to keep your composure when Erebus sat down opposite you in the headmasters’ chair. “You assaulted my son.”

“He was being a foul-mouthed little brat,” you shot back but Erebus didn’t react.

“I know very well what this was about. In fact, that is why I’m here. You and I are going to have a little talk,” he declared calmly, yet there was something in his voice that sent shivers down your spine. Even when he was calm, Erebus seemed like a predator ready to pounce.

“We have nothing to talk about.”

“Oh, but we do. Sit. Down.” Reluctantly you obeyed and slowly sat down on the chair opposite the head of the Gaunt family, avoiding his piercing stare. You could understand why Ominis always seemed to shrink when he was in a room with his family but forced yourself to sit upright, mirroring Erebus body language. It was clear that he was used to being in charge. He leaned back, observing your every move, not saying anything, seemingly waiting for you to pull back. It took all your willpower to remain expressionless in the uncomfortable silence that followed.

“I know that you are involved with Ominis. I should have guessed as much last time. Of course, he had to pick someone from an impure bloodline. To aggravate me no doubt,” Erebus broke the silence, his voice dripping with disgust.

“I can assure you our relationship has nothing to do with you,” you replied coolly.

“Shut your mouth, half-blood. I didn’t recall giving you permission to speak. You will leave my son today.”

“I have no intention of doing that.”

Another uncomfortable silence fell over the room. Then Erebus leaned in, so close you could see your own reflection in his dark eyes, and you instinctively backed away from him. “This was not a request. Fail to do as I say, and I will see to it that he suffers. He will never see Hogwarts or his friends ever again. I have allowed his nonsense long enough.”

Trying to regain your composure you straightened your back and coldly replied, “He doesn’t even live with you anymore. You have no power over him.”

Erebus eyes darkened. No one had ever talked back to him like that. Losing his patience he spat, “Don’t forget who I am, little brat. I have connections everywhere. One word and he will be in an asylum for the rest of his life, no questions asked.”

“You wouldn’t do that to your own son.”

A wicked smile formed on Erebus lips. “It’s your choice.”

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #ominis gaunt #sebastian x ominis #hogwarts legacy sebastian #slytherin #sebinis #hogwarts legacy ominis #hogwarts legacy fanart #hp fanfic #hogwarts legacy mc #hogwarts legacy imagine #house of gaunt #marvolo gaunt #slytherin boys #ominis x reader #ominis x mc #gaunt #ominis

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liaarxse · 1 year

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could u headcannons of what the tr characters would do if y/n did this trend with ken, nahoya, chifuyy, baji, kazutora?

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8131oTm/

(basically y/n walks away from them whenever they get close)

Nah, cuz it's 2am, and I'm cackling like a madman omfg this is amazing

<3 Here you go, anon:

Headcanons

How would TR characters react to you moving away from them

Characters: Ryuguji Ken, Nahoya Kawata, Matsuno Chifuyu, Keisuke Baji, Kazutora Hanemiya

Warnings: none

A/n: I literally have 40 history lessons to revise in 2 days, and I've gotten nowhere

Ryuguji Ken

Not this shit again

Draken is tired of your games

He had to deal with Toman, some punks, MIKEY and now you?

Kill him

Oops already happened

But he did this to himself

A few days ago he "accidentally" ruined one of your favourite dresses with motor oil and only said sorry

So sorry not sorry Dora

"Hey, Y/n? Want a glass of water?"

"Sure."

Perfect timing

He walked towards you to give you the water

You walked away

....

He took 3 steps forward

You took 3 steps backwards

Again

3 steps forward

3 steps backwards

You made 5 full circles around the couch at this point

"Not this shit again"

He went to sit down because man's tired of this

You felt bad and went to him

He turned to you before he sat down

"What?"

"Sorry, c'mere"

He went to hug you

You took a step back

BITCH

LMAOOOOO

Give him a hug pls

You did ofc

Until you could

I'm not sorry

Y'all spent the night just cuddling and talking about how annoying(ly hot) Mikey is

The next morning you did the prank again

He went back to sleep (and never woke up)

Nahoya Kawata

Who made you do this?

You lost your marbles?

LAST PERSON to do this prank on

But you still did

Stupid

Y'all were just chilling at a park

The sun was setting, giving the landscape a pretty peachy-golden tint

It reminded you of your boyfriend who was chasing squirrels behind you

Yeah, you pretended not to know him

He got tired and went to sit next to you

"What'cha starring at, babe?"

"The sun?"

"Ok"

He left to chase a squirrel that he claimed to look like you

Back to not knowing that person

It was getting pretty late, so you gathered y'alls stuff and got up to leave

He was carrying a dead squirrel in his hands

"Babe, look! I caught your doppelganger!"

"Oh, that's nice baby– MOTHER OF GOD–"

You didn't have a choice that fucker started chasing you with it

He lied that he threw it away

He didn't

Half way towards your house he fished it out of his pocket and shoved it in your face

You screamed and took like a fucking backflip backwards

He slowly walked towards you with his iconic grin obv

"Nahoya, no."

"Nahoya, yes."

"I'm gonna break up with you."

"I'll shove this up your ass while you sleep."

Y'all didn't break up ofc

That continued up until like 3 blocks to your house before he threw it inside a house through an opened window

The night at least ended peacefully

You had a nightmare where he did shove it in your ass

Matsuno Chifuyu

Why?

Like why?

Just why?

This happened while you were at a Toman fight

You got a call from Hina that your boyfriend got hurt

So you skiddadled to the place very quickly since you lived like 7 minutes away

It took you 30

When you got there, the fight had already ended

Your boyfriend noticed you and ran with an opened arm since his other was a tad bit injured

You took a step back

🤨

"Hey babe."

"Why did you do that?"

"Did what?"

He took another step towards you

You took a step backwards

He frowned

"Is it because my uniform is blooded? Wait, gimme a sec"

He took his top off

OOOOOHHH LAWDDDD HAVE MERCEYYYYYYYYY

THEM SCRUMPTIOUS ABS

bite bite

Lmao, who were you kidding

Get em tits

And you did baby gorl

Don't do this to him again though

Keisuke Baji

He just got back

And guess what

Another stray kitty was brought home

You lost count of how many Baji Jr. and Y/n Jr. cats you had

You smiled anyway since it's a kitty after all

"Yo bae, can you please fetch me some kitty clothes to dress up Y/n Jr.?

Ah this time it was you turn

You did of course

And when he walked over to you to grab the clothes

You saw something jump

Then again

And it hit you

Flees

You threw the clothes in his face and ran back

"What the hell?"

"Stay back."

"Why?"

He started walking towards you

You screamed

He was confused af still walking towards you

And you were walking back

This continued for like 7 minutes before you entered the kitchen

You grabbed bug spray

And sprayed him with it

He died

Jkjkjk

He was mad though

Ah, it's fine. You took care of it and cuddled with all 61 cats

Then you saw it again

You jumped out of the window

He jumped after you

Lmao you got flees too

Kazutora Hanemiya

This time, there was no specific reason

You were just watching tiktok with him, laying on your chest, trying to sleep

But he couldn't

This was Mikeys fault

"My wheenie needs to take a whee-whee."

"The mental hospital is 10 minutes away."

He got up and went to the bathroom

Then you landed upon the tiktok

Now this, this is perfection

He came back after like, 2 minutes

He crawled back in bed

You got up

"Huh?"

"What?"

He sat on the edge where you stood

You walked away

He walked towards you

"What are you doing?'

"What are YOU doing?"

You barely kept your laugh in when you noticed his face

"This is Mikeys fault isn't it."

"Tora no–"

You did like 6 circles around the room

You got bored with just staying in it and went to the door

He got in front of you and locked it

You stumbled back into the bed

"Baby...~"

HE SAID IT IN HIS HOT DADDY ENGLISH VOICE UGH

Oh-oh guess who's weenie has to take a wee-wee now

Lmao this surely will 'rearrange your guts'

If you know what I mean

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astrowaffles · 1 year

Text

Stopping the JNT from being arrested: a comprehensive rulebook by Iwaizumi H.

General Audiences | Chaos, attempt at humour

1. A volleyballer in prison is a volleyballer who won't be volleyballing for a long, long time.

2. If you see Sakusa and Atsumu "sharing hand sanitizer" by holding hands, say nothing.

3. Just because Kageyama always catches him does not make Hinata less banned from jumping on our setter. If either of you are injured then we are in deep trouble.

4. Just because Oikawa is in the proximity does not mean you can send out search parties to find and assassinate him. See rule 1.

OR: Whoever's idea it was to put the entire monster generation on one team, Iwaizumi hopes both sides of their pillow are warm tonight.

The JNT Rulebook

Failure to meet these rules will result in suspension from the Japanese Men's National Volleyball Team, if you aren't arrested first.

sincerely,

Iwaizumi H.

1. A volleyballer in prison is a volleyballer who won't be volleyballing for a long, long time.

a) it's no use phoning home for bail. the last time we tried that, Akaashi spent the whole two minute phone call cackling. - Bokuto

2. If you see Sakusa and Atsumu "sharing hand sanitizer" by holding hands, say nothing.

3. Just because Kageyama always catches him does not make Hinata any less banned from jumping on our setter. If either of you are injured then we are in deep trouble.

4. Just because Oikawa is in the proximity does not mean you can send out search parties to find and assassinate him. See rule 1.

5. If Hoshiumi is seen one more time with Hinata on his shoulders to "bring revenge down on the heads of everyone over 5'8"" we will be forced to tape them both to the floor.

6. Just because Kuroo said it does not mean it is true.

a) No, you will not jump higher if you drink out of the JVA's special water bottles.

b) No, Kuroo is not obligated to tell the whole truth "because we're buddies". Kuroo can leave out whatever bits he likes, which is why what he says is usually Not True.

7. Gravity is real and if it wasn't, volleyball wouldn't work.

8. If you continue to rickroll Kageyama he will stop opening his emails out of sheer fear, and we need him to read his official communications. Stop it.

9. Do not trust what Kenma says. Remember he is funding Kuroo's shenanigans.

10. If the "your mom" jokes don't stop, Suna Rintarou will be put into isolation.

a) "your brother" and "your twin" jokes are equally unacceptable, as our reserve setter appears to be on the verge of a mental breakdown.

b) "your cousin" jokes are banned by proxy to prevent said reserve setter being murdered by Sakusa.

11. Oikawa is trying to annoy you into revealing our strategies. If you feel you may fall into his trap, avoid him or fetch the athletic trainer (me), who will deal with him accordingly.

12. Bokuto: one more rant about Akaashi and I will call him personally, and you can explain to him why you are slacking off at practice.

13. Taking pictures of Hoshiumi with a rat filter on is not funny.

14. Throwing volleyballs is not an effective method of communication.

15. Ridiculous service ace competitions are to be reserved for private practice. Atsumu does not need another black eye.

16. Hinata and Kageyama are hereby banned from communicating with just eyebrow raising. It's creepy and Bokuto was very close to hiding himself in a cupboard yesterday.

a) this also applies to talking in tandem.

b) it also applies to finishing each other's sentences.

17. Ushijima is the captain and if he says throwing flying squirrels out of the top floor window to "see if they actually fly" is a bad idea, then it is a bad idea.

18. Atsumu is the reserve setter and therefore does not need be on court "in case Kageyama trips".

19. If calling your old highschool captains is what it takes to get you to work, I will do so.

20. Personal questions about Oikawa are banned.

21. Team Brazil players are banned from the Team Japan village. If I find any I will decapitate them.

22. Atsumu is not a tiny baby, he is 6'1''. Just because that makes him one of the smallest on the team does not make him short. Refrain from pushing him into insanity this early in the season.

23. Arm wrestling is banned.

a) I will always win and it is stupid to think that it will ever change. No, your lucky underwear does not make a difference, Bokuto.

24. Either Yaku takes his voice down a notch or I take his kneecaps.

25. If you were represented by a bird in highschool, you are hereby banned from making any important decisions.

a) I am well aware this excludes our captain from making decisions. I stand by that.

26. Kageyama cannot speak Italian so please stop harassing him for lessons.

27. Eavesdropping on other teams is not banned but it is frowned upon by the Olympic committee. Don't get caught.

28. Don't bother eavesdropping on Oikawa, it won't get us anywhere. I already know his main strategies anyway.

29. Sakusa is a grown man, no you cannot adopt him.

30. Meian Shugo is a lovely man who will not appreciate being dragged out to Tokyo. Jackals, keep your chaos away from me.

31. One more heavy sigh from Komori will push me off the edge. Shut it.

32. It scares everyone shitless when they hear high-pitched screams in the middle of the night. Someone buy Sakusa some pesticide.

a) Bokuto you are not scared of spiders, there is no need for you to scream too.

34. I appreciate that we have an A team and a B team, but we are all Team Japan, so the expressions "bench warmer", "loser", "second place", "spare parts" and "extra Kageyama" are all banned.

a) no-one seems to care that we have two liberos as well as two setters. Targeting Atsumu is not tolerated. Keep it in your heads.

b) yes, that includes Sakusa. He does not have a "bullying Atsumu pass", no matter what he says.

35. Bringing a tape measure to games so you can find out who's the tallest person in the room and then attempting to fight them is definitely frowned upon. I am assigning Ushijima to guard Hoshiumi.

36. I am well aware that Sakusa is MSBY's guard dog. Luckily the JNT is full of terrifying men over 6'0'', so he can stop growling whenever an "enemy" walks past.

37. Speaking of height, Kageyama is far too big to be racing around gyms. In fact, so are all of you. Hinata, stop encouraging it.

38. Barking at Team Argentina is not acceptable behaviour. It can actually be filed as a hate crime.

39. Ushijima is the team ace. It is irrelevant if Sakusa was #1 ace in highschool or not.

a) I would also take the complaints a lot more seriously if they were actually from anyone except Atsumu.

40. Being gay does not provide legal protection.

a) You cannot report a hate crime if the "hate crime" is Oikawa's existence.

b) even if you could, Oikawa is also gay.

A03 | Exclusives | Tip Me | Commissions

#hq #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #iwaoi #oiiwa #iwaizumi hajime #hq iwaizumi #hajime iwaizumi #oikawa tooru #hq oikawa #tooru oikawa

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mxomo · 2 years

Text

caring again (3/3) ♡ ︎kuroo tetsurō

Kuroo comforts you after catching you having a teary moment. c/w: haikyuu, female reader, fluff, comfort. a/n: technically part 3 of care(1)(2), but can be read alone. i hope you like! ♡︎

“.. __?”

You whipped your head round at the call of your name, wiping your eyes furiously as you plastered a cheerful smile on your face. Dammit. You were sure all the boys had gone home, and you’d felt overwhelmed all day, so you’d taken the chance to have a little cry in the store room before you locked up the gym to set off home.

It wasn’t a big deal, you thought, because everybody needed a cry every once in a while and you’d been pretty quiet so you were just getting it out of your system, that’s all. Moving was a big deal and it was only normal to feel slightly wobbly all the time.

Leaving Hyōgo had been hard, but you were quite successful in occupying your time so your sadness was limited to 5 minute slots between other commitments during the day or at bedtime. You thought it was best to keep yourself busy, because it was much better feeling slightly stressed all the time than thinking about Atsumu.

He was an idiot and your heart hurt but you also missed him. He was one of your best friends and you’d walked away from him without so much as a goodbye. You didn’t have time to consider whether it was the right choice - you had new places to see, people to befriend, assignments to catch up on.

A new volleyball team, full of rowdy teenage boys that needed wrangling because they liked to tease you and felt especially comfortable doing so, considering your relation to their setter and therefore acquaintanceship with their captain Tetsurō before you took up the mantle of managing their team. Yamamoto had been beside himself with glee when Tetsu introduced you, eyes sparkling as he cheerfully announced they could finally compete with Karasuno and their angel manager, whatever that meant. You’d developed a comfortable acquaintanceship with Kai and Yaku, both of whom were very kind and appreciative when you would look after them. Yamamoto and Inouka had taken to proposing on a regular basis, much to your chagrin. Lev made fun of you for being small, like it was abnormal to be small next to his gargantuan frame. You spent the most time with Fukunaga - who very much enjoyed how much you cackled at his jokes - and Kozume, your cousin, whom you’d grown far closer to than you ever anticipated after discovering a mutual competitiveness and interest in gaming. Your classes actually felt a little easier, you’d befriended a couple of girls who happened to manage other sports teams for Nekoma, and where you lived was nicer than before, if a little smaller. Life really was great. You had every reason to be happy.

“Can I hug you?” Tetsu said after a moment, his ever analytical gaze quickly clocking onto the red tinge on your eyes and cheeks and the damp patches on your sleeve cuffs.

His question confused you. Your first thought was that nobody had actually physically touched you since Atsumu. The thought of being touched sent an odd unnerving shiver down your spine, a hint of anxiety forming at the thought of your bubble being invaded by an outsider. Secondly, was it usual for somebody to ask for permission before a hug? You were quite picky with whom you shared hugs with, and didn’t always enjoy them, but you had been hugged and jostled around at other people’s leisure for a long time. And finally, did you want a hug? You realised within a moment that actually yes, a hug would be quite nice and probably a great remedy for your current heartbreak; this lead to thinking whether you wanted to hug Tetsurô specifically, and you began considering whether he would give good hugs (more than likely yes), or if you just wanted a comfort hug from literally anyone at this point. Everybody knew that when you’re sad, if someone gives you a hug or asks if you’re okay, that’s the global signal for your emotions to break. Did you want to crumble into a teary mess?

“Nothing weird. I can hear your brain spinning from here,” he clarified, raising his hands to show he meant no harm. “You just look sad, and I thought a hug might help.”

“Yeah, I do feel sad,” you said after a few moments. For some reason, Tetsu’s words set off the waterworks again, and tears streamed silently down your face as you avoided looking the taller boy fully in the eye. Your final concern of holding yourself together in the face of a hug was for nought; it seemed the barest of kindness was enough to coax you into meltdown. It made your next statement much easier to say, because you had nothing to lose anyway. “.. Maybe a hug would help.”

One large stride by him and you found yourself buried in his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around you. Your arms instinctively returned the hug, clinging tightly around his waist as your first sob escaped, and all of your pent up emotions crashed through the mediocre dam you’d built to keep it at bay as Tetsu listened quietly, stroking your hair the whole time.

“If I was a meaner person, I’d tell you to wash this shirt for me,” Tetsu smirked, ruffling your hair as he handed you an Potari Sweat and ice lolly. He took the coins you were offering in your hand, nodding his head in thanks before placing them back into the front pocket of your bag. “My treat.”

“Give it to me then,” you said back, truly feeling bad about leaving mascara and wet patches all over his white t-shirt. You tugged at his shirt to insist on your point. “Thank you for this.”

He rolled his eyes, tapping your forehead gently in admonishment as he sat himself down next to you on the bench outside the store that you’d waited at, just to have a moment to yourself. Both of you dug into your snacks quietly.

It was getting dark. The two of you had eventually locked up the gym and wandered to the closest convenience store to grab a snack; an hour of sobbing was enough to exhaust anyone and Tetsu was insistent that you rehydrate after crying enough to flood the Pacific.

It was surprising. You felt embarrassed, having broken down like that in front of him with absolutely no warning, roping the poor boy into your emotions that, for God’s sake, was mostly about your ex. Yet, for some reason, you didn’t feel bad. You didn’t feel uncomfortable or even dislike it when he teased you, even when you felt so awful, and you didn’t feel the need to fill the silence when you were by his side, even though you could and you knew he would listen. It didn’t matter that your makeup was half gone, that your face was swollen and red and that Tetsu had learned how efficiently your body produced snot through your use of all of his tissues. Even though you didn’t feel good, you did feel lighter. Was that because of Tetsu? He’d listened to you in silence as you recounted between sobs the main bulletpoints of who Atsumu was, why you left the way you did, why it made you so sad. Tetsu had nodded at the right parts. Most importantly, he rubbed soothing circles with his big hands on your back the whole time you’d been in a state - any other time and that would’ve sent you into a state of a different kind. He then topped it all off by feeding you and promising to make sure you got home safely. Kuroo Tetsuro did all the right things, and your heart stuttered as your body relaxed and you closed your eyes. A deep, quiet breath later, you rested your head on his shoulder.

You heard a, “I’m going to put my arm around you,” before you were shifted slightly so his arm was around you, both leaning back on the bench.

“This Atsumu sounds like an idiot,” Tetsu started after a while. Both of you had taken to looking at the sun slowly creeping down below the buildings, simply enjoying the other’s company. “Once the team has confirmation you’re single, there may very well be a bloodbath. I’m being serious!” He gently pushed you off his shoulder when you rolled your eyes and snorted at him, turning to look you straight in the face as he continued. “What’s so funny? You’re smart, funny, you love volleyball, you smell good, you always look after everyone and you’re stunning on top of it all. Why would there not be a bloodbath?”

“.. I smell good?” Your ears were tingling and you were sure you were blushing harder than you ever had in your life. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been complimented so directly, let alone with so many nice things, and Tetsu said it in a way that sounded so completely obvious that you found yourself unable to doubt his sincerity.

“Huh?” he snorted. “That’s what you picked up on?”

“Sorry. I don’t know what to say or do.” You, in a contradictory moment of shyness and boldness, hid your face in his shoulder as your cheeks continued to burn. You tried to ignore the stutter in your heartbeat as he squished you tighter against him.

“Okay. Well, I’m going to shoot my shot before everyone else does, so let’s go watch a movie this weekend.”

Oh. What? You were sure that your ears were decieving you, because who in their right mind would ask you out whilst you were in this state? You wanted to question his sanity, opening your mouth to do so, but what came out was very different. “What makes you think I want to watch a movie with you?” Internally, you facepalmed. That wasn’t even remotely close to what you meant, but your instinct to tease him took over whilst craftily buying time to gather your thoughts.

“Well, I don’t want to be too cocky, but I’ve seen the way you look at me when I wear shorts. I don’t think you could resist this booty.” He couldn’t hold back his laugh as you yelped in shock, arm flying out to slap him upside the head. He grabbed your hand in return, planting a kiss on your knuckle in an effort to soothe (but giving you a heart attack instead). You were reminded that stupid boys were stupid as you wished desperately to crawl under a rock, because you knew he wasn’t wrong and that you found his backside positively delicious to admire - not that you would ever, ever admit it.

“Enjoying the merchandise is not the same as having an uncontrollable thirst,” you sniped defensively, crossing your arms as you pouted. “But I’ll watch a movie with you. My place is free this weekend.”

“Perfect.” His smile was beaming as he untangled your arms, taking your hands in his and placing another kiss on your knuckles. “I look forward to the opportunity of wooing milady.”

You wanted to stay grumpy with him. You wanted to pout, because who was he to move your arms about as he pleased? How rude of him, making you so flustered, because he absolutely was doing it on purpose. Your body was betraying you as your heart continued to flutter gently at his attentions. You found yourslef returning a smile as you enjoyed the joy radiating from him at your agreement to spend time with him. Was it worth addressing the seed of doubt you had about everything now, when he was being so kind and understanidng about everything? Would he continue being so comforting and soothing, even if you were voicing your insecurities? You were hesitant to speak as the nasty side of your brain tried to convince you that Tetsu would stop being so lovely if you burdened him with more negativity, considering that you’d presented a front of confidence and calm in front of him until today.

But, when you moved to Tokyo, you resolved to doing new things and starting afresh. Everything he was making you feel felt new, and exciting, and you decided that you would just ask him what was on your mind now, and if he had the wrong reaction then you could simply cut bait. Your experience was telling you that he wouldn’t want to hear it, but your gut was telling you he would. The rational side of your brain knew there was no reason to not trust him so far, but the instinct to keep things close to the chest ran deep. More importantly, you were scared that, with how you were feeling, that he would eventually resent you whilst you struggle to move forward. You didn’t want to be unfair to him, because as good as he was making you feel now, you hadn’t ever considered a relationship with Tetsu until today, and the thought brought up a lot of feelings. “Are you sure you want to woo someone you’ve just watched crying about their ex?”

“I’m a patient man,” he responded cheerfully, taking your hand in his as he grinned at you. “Seeing you happy is worth the effort.”

You didn’t have anything to say, choosing to squeeze his hand instead as you turned a flaming shade of tomato red. You stared at the floor, brain churning as you considered the new feeling of warmth blossoming in your chest. With Atsumu, he really had given you butterflies like in the romance novels, and when you’d lost that, you couldn’t help wondering whether that was the start of the end for you both. With Tetsu, you didn’t have butterflies - instead, it felt like you were floating, a soothing calm that filled you to your fingertips as comfort filled you to the core. It felt different.

It felt good, and you felt better.

masterlist - part one • part two • part three

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mariaofdoranelle · 1 year

Text

Look at Us Now — Ch. 5

Fic Masterlist

Hi! *hides away*

Jokes. This chapter and the next are what made me start writing LAUN, so yes I’m pretty nervous to post 😅

Also thank you @renxzs for coming up with the name Doranelle White Hawks after I spent a whole day thinking of soccer team names HAHAH <33

Warnings: language, incarceration, mentions of drinking, mentions of injuries, Fenrys locked in a bathroom

Words: 5,2k (I’m coming to terms with my big chapters now)

Fenrys had been cackling for the last five minutes. Rowan was just staring at his friend with crossed arms, unamused.

“Dude. "His friend paused to catch his breath, wheezing. “You’re literally in horny jail."

Rowan flexed his jaw. Yeah, he supposed he were.

The worst part was, Rowan saw it coming. The entire time he hooked up with Aelin at his office, he knew it'd end with something like this.

It could've been worse, though. when Colonel Darrow told him, in a carefully controlled tone, that he knew everything and it'd be easier if Rowan assumed what he’d done, he knew he was fucked.

Rowan had to look into the eyes of the man who guided him through his first steps in the Air Force and tell him, in a more polished way, that he’s fucked his niece in every position imaginable the entire time she was his student. Inside base.

He had never felt more raw, unbridled shame.

He could still go to work, even though Rowan couldn’t, under any circumstance, leave his military base. Also, he wasn’t shackled, and he was in the guardhouse that looked like a cheap hotel, not the one that looked like jail. Any form of guardhouse was a huge punishment, but it had different degrees. In some twisted way, Darrow had been generous.

Because, for the first time in his life, Rowan Whitethorn had committed a military crime, and he was currently being locked up for it. Ten days. One for each week he committed improper sexual conduct.

"Dude, did you hit on Lorcan or something? He’d totally lock you up for that kind of shit.”

Fen’s breathing was more steady now. Good for him. Rowan couldn’t have picked a worse person to bring the essentials so he could survive this hell.

“Yes, Fenrys. I was hitting on Lorcan. I don’t know what’s more enticing to me, his wife or the fact that he has a newborn kid.”

“But you did hit on someone.” Fenrys had crossed arms and narrowed eyes.

“Nope.”

He didn’t. He had a very lawful one-night stand with Aelin, then she threw herself at him and he fell for it hook, line and sinker, because that woman is a fucking Venus flytrap.

"You hit on Darrow?"

"I would not, under any circumstance, hit on Colonel Darrow."

Fen snorted. "His niece?”

Rowan flexed his jaw.

Fenrys' eyes widened.

"You totally hit on his niece." His mouth opened to speak, but he didn’t because his jaw completely fell. "No, you fucked his niece. She’s the reason you've been getting home late, isn’t she?"

Rowan’s hands were balled into fists. Thinking about everything he did because of that girl made his limbs twitch.

“Holy Mala.” It took a few seconds for Fenrys to have a proper reaction. “Man, that girl is related to two people. A colonel and the Brigadier. She's the forbidden fruits' forbidden fruit. Not even I am that dumb, and you know I love forbidden fruit."

"I knew it then.” He gestured around his cell. "And I clearly know it now.”

"I can't believe I was the proper instructor this entire time.”

Rowan closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath as he tried to not snap at his friend.

"You weren’t, under any circumstance—“

“I totally was. I can even go by Lieutenant Goody Two-Shoes.”

“Fenrys, I know you let the newbies play with the guns while quoting James Bond—”

“You’re just pissed I out-goody-two-shooed you.” Fenrys crossed his arms, but held a glazed look on his face. “God, I didn’t even hit on Galathynius’ boyfriend, trying not to fuck up.”

Rowan glared. “Can we please not talk about her boyfri—“

“Shit, man. Sorry. I didn’t know you liked her.”

“I don’t,” he hissed.

“You sure? I can totally steal her man if it’ll make you feel better.”

Rowan checked the bag Fenrys brought him. Everything he needed was there.

“Thank you, Fenrys,” he hinted while looking him in the eye. A clear dismissal.

It wasn’t his friend’s fault, though. Maybe Rowan would laugh about this with him someday, but not today.

Today, his thoughts were on the fact that Aelin Galathynius was the worst mistake of his fucking life. And wanting to never see her again was definitely the reason she came through the same door Fenrys left seconds before, guided by a sergeant.

He held a finger up before she could seat.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Aelin flinched, but sat anyway. “I need to talk to you.”

“Didn’t you talk enough with your uncles already?”

“About that…” Aelin scratched the back of her neck, cheeks flushing. “I did tell them we had a fling, why would you tell them the details?”

Rowan saw red. She knew damn well the reason that got him such bad punishment was the place it all happened, and there was no way she’d get to pretend she didn’t snitch him.

“Why would I lie to Darrow when he made it clear he knew everything? He’d just double my days here until I confessed.”

She slowly nodded, running both hands through her hair. “He told you he knew everything without telling you what everything means, showed you absolutely no proof of it, then you just confessed without questioning?”

“Yes.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Gods, Rowan, how can you be so stupid? You fell right into Darrow’s trap!”

“I thought you’d told him!”

“I didn’t tell him shit!”

Rowan rubbed his face and took a deep breath. “So how does he know?”

“About that.” Aelin’s face flushed, and she fidgeted with her fingers for a moment before continuing, “I didn’t get to do my exam last Friday, did you hear about that?”

Rowan nodded. “News ran fast. I thought you knew better than to be on drugs and in the military at the same time.”

It was easy to assume, since the tox screen is the main reason newbies don’t pass that stage. It was hard to believe Aelin would be so dumb, but he didn’t know her. After what happened today, Rowan came to the conclusion he didn’t know her at all.

“I don’t do drugs, I-“ she took a deep breath, and her vulnerable blue eyes worked like daggers pointed at him. “They didn’t let me do the physical exam because I’m pregnant.”

Objectively, this was a better reason than drugs. It didn’t feel like it, though.

She got rid of Rowan, got her dream job, and is starting a family while he got his career stained forever by this.

“Congratulations. Your boyfriend must be thrilled.”

Aelin flinched as if he’d slapped her, and that expression alone told him she didn’t know he knows she'd been dating someone while seeing him.

“Actually…” she swallowed. “Dorian has a vasectomy, and he wasn’t in town during the… possible conception days.” She cringed. “Biologically, you’re the father.”

Rowan’s eyes bulged, then his body froze completely.

Father.

He was going to be a father.

Time slowed down, and he couldn’t seem to believe his ears.

It was unexpected, of course, especially because of Aelin’s situation—

Wait a second.

“Did loverboy not want the baby? Is that why you’re here?”

Silence stretched for too long, and Rowan saw her surprised face morph into something else he hadn’t seen before on her.

“You know what, Rowan?” Aelin shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t need you for shit. I have my family’s support. I have money to raise a fuckton of children. If you’re waiting for me to crawl and beg you to do your fucking job, that’s not gonna happen.” She adjusted her purse around her shoulders and got up. “I’m having a baby. It has your genes. You can be as much of a dad you want, or not at all.”

Her words sent a new wave of heat through his body, making him stand as well to stop her.

Rowan would be a father to this kid, she would be sure of that. Even if he lived in an alternative universe where he didn’t want it, he would father the shit out of this kid just to piss Aelin off.

“Seriously? Do I look like some deadbeat dad to you?”

“I. Don’t. Know!” Aelin screamed. “I just got knocked up by a stranger!”

Rowan froze, letting that word sink in and start a riot inside his body.

Stranger? Stranger?

After seeking him out every goddamned evening for more than two months, she has the nerve to call him a stranger?

“What the fuck was this?” Rowan shouted. “Just a courtesy nod? Did you even expect anything from me before you came here?”

She didn’t answer.

Nowadays, it seemed like anything Aelin did made him ache. She had a point, though. They didn’t know each other very well. He still couldn’t believe she thought he’d abandon her in a situation like this.

“I don’t know!” Aelin groaned, pacing around the room and running both hands through her head. “I didn’t get much time to think. I thought maybe you’d want to see the kid every other weekend or—“

“Every other weekend?” He sneered. “Do I look like the every other weekend type to you?”

“Rowan, listen—“

“No, you listen. Don’t you come here telling me I’m becoming a father just to offer me every other weekend!” He crossed his arms, face flat. “I want to see your exams, all of them. I will be to every doctor appointment, I’ll make meal plans because I remember you telling me you survive on chocolate cake—“

“You don’t get to say a word about my chocolate cake!” She screamed, interrupting him. “Neither do you get to talk down to me! You don’t get to order me around, because I’m not a fucking surrogate mother you hired to bear your child!” Aelin paused, catching her breath while she leaned closer to him. “And whatever you decide, you’ll be lucky if I even tell you when the baby is due if you don’t treat me, the mother of your child, with respect. Do you hear me, Lieutenant?”

He did, but didn’t get to tell her so.

Aelin turned around and banged the door closed, leaving him alone to think about whatever the hell had just happened.

˜˜

“SAVE YOURSELF!” Maisie warned her best friend from the top of the playground tower as they played… something.

Like most weekends, Rowan and Lorcan took the kids to the playground in front of both of their houses, since their streets were perpendicular to one another. As much as he liked to pay attention to his daughter’s shenanigans, Rowan’s head was somewhere else today. The kids looked safe, and Lorcan was there watching them too. It would have to be enough for now.

"Am I supposed to give advice? Or just listen?"

Rowan sighed. He had just told Lorcan how he and Aelin were successfully doing that thing where they traumatized their daughter until she becomes an unruly teenager who drinks alcohol at school and smokes weed with a guitarist that pretends to be a feminist to make Rowan’s worst nightmares come true. No. This is stopping now.

Except that last Friday, when they left Maisie at Orlon’s to talk after that meeting, it was a shit show.

Rowan said it was her fault because she never listens to him. Aelin screamed that he is the one who never listens to her. Rowan replied, in a strident tone, that Maisie would be better off if he were only doing things his way like she claimed.

Things went extremely downhill from there. It was one of their most unproductive exchanges.

He dropped Maisie at Lorcan’s the next day to talk again, but she wasn’t home.

Now it was Sunday, and he could only hope Aelin would show up at the game watch party Aedion talked him into hosting.

"Advice.” Rowan was just that desperate.

Lorcan shrugged. "Ellie thinks family therapy would help. I agree with her."

"You always agree with her."

"She's always right, man."

Rowan sighed. Of course Elide would think that. She's a psychiatrist. These people think anything can be cured with a few hours of counseling.

"I think I'll stick to my initial plan."

"Your brilliant plan of not fighting?" Lorcan raised an eyebrow.

Rowan crossed his arms. "My brilliant plan of not provoking or letting myself be provoked. It's pure self-control.“ He shuffled his feet. ”I can do that."

"Your plan is shit."

"I don't need it to be perfect, I need it to work.”

“Okay.” Lorcan ran a hand through his hair. "But you think you'll manage to never have a fight with Aelin again after five years of unresolved shit?"

"Yes," Rowan said through gritted teeth. God, he was tired of explaining his perfectly laid-out plan.

He wasn’t saying it’d be easy. He knew he wouldn’t. But if refusing to fight didn’t work, Rowan had no idea what the fuck he’d do. Because the only other option would be to continue to hurt his little girl, and just the thought of it made his ribs close so tight it left a deep hollow inside him.

Just like clockwork, Aelin showed up at the playground holding a weird white thing. Maisie found her first, running her mother’s way and hugging her legs with a blissful smile on her face.

Aelin crouched to talk to the kids first, sending the adults a small wave from afar.

“Go.” Lorcan elbowed him. “I’ve got ‘em.”

Rowan nodded, rolled his shoulders and went their way. He couldn’t hear it from where he was initially at, but Maisie was telling her mom something.

“Is that right?” Aelin smiled. “Why do you love trees?”

“‘Cause they become toilet paper!” Her little limbs were excitedly waving in the air. “And if we didn’t have toilet paper, everyone would have dirty bums all the time.”

Rowan cleared his throat, and Maisie took a sharp turn his way.

“Daddy! I was teaching trees to mom.”

He clamped his lips together, since trying to look serious to his daughter was a skill he mastered a long time ago. Of course Maisie would learn something new at school and think she’s the only person in the world who knows that information.

“Yeah?” He swallowed, remembering what he needed to say. “Mais, why don’t you tell that to Uncle Lorcan while your mother and I talk for a second?”

Maisie’s limbs went limp by her side. Her little green eyes cautiously darted between the two of them.

Surprisingly enough, it was Lorcan’s kid who spoke on her behalf.

“I want to keep playing,” Charlie insisted, eyes furrowed.

“Yeah!” Maisie immediately backed him up, mirroring her best friend’s body language.

“Oh, but you will.” Aelin smiled at the kids’ protest. “Lorcan will stay here with you now, then you can play here until it’s time for the game.”

Maisie seemed content enough, but Lorcan’s son frowned. It was no secret that Charlie didn’t share his father’s love for sports.

“Dad and I already watched a game this week.”

“We’re watching another one,” Rowan explained.

Charlie huffed. “Who knows the ways of men?”

Rowan snorted, immediately recognizing the quote from Frozen 2.

The walk to his place was slower than it could’ve been if the reminder of what did and was about to happen wasn’t looming like a dark cloud above them.

“What’s that?” Rowan asked while fishing his keys out of his pocket.

“Oh.” Aelin’s eyebrow raised as if she’d just remembered she was carrying this white fabric all along. When she opened it, holding with both opened arms, it made even less sense.

“A table cloth?”

She grimaced. “I don’t have an actual white flag, and the napkin seemed too small for the occasion.”

Rowan felt a brittle patch of warmth underneath the whole turmoil he was feeling inside. This very literal white flag would probably be the closest thing to an apology he was ever getting, so he’d appreciate it.

After leading her to the kitchen, Rowan frowned at his table, considering his options, but handed her the cloth that was there.

“A light green flag?” Her eyebrows went up.

Rowan sighed. “My white cloths are either ruined or so far from Maisie’s reach I’ll need stairs to get them.”

Aelin snorted, a feeble smile on her face while she fumbled with his cloth, eyeing the juice stain in it from this morning.

“I went to your place yesterday.”

“Dorian and I threw a pity party. I would’ve stayed home if I knew you were coming, though.”

“It’s alright.” He bit the inside of his cheek and thinking of a good approach. “I figured out a plan to fix our… situation.”

“Go on.”

“We have to stop fighting.”

“I know.” Aelin gave him a firm nod “What’s your plan?”

“That’s it. We’ll stop fighting.”

“I—“ Aelin’s mouth closed. And opened. And closed again. “Rowan, you do realize how…” she trailed, carefully placing her words. “Flawed this plan is, right?”

“I think it’ll work.”

“Okay…” she ran a hand through her head, and Rowan worked to keep his breathing steady the long seconds she was just examining the walls and biting her lip. “Considering what you told me last Friday—“

“I said a lot of things I don’t mean last Friday.”

*I doubt that*, Aelin seemed to say with one wounded look she quickly concealed.

“You told me I don’t listen to you. I’ll try to get better at that.”

Rowan nodded, his eyes soft.

“We’ll try your plan, even if I don’t fully agree with it” she continued, “But if it doesn’t work, you’ll have to go along with my plan, okay?”

Aelin didn’t tell him what her plan was, but he agreed because there was no way it wouldn’t work. If neither of them provoked each other, there would be no fight. It was a logical thing, and it had already worked with them in the past.

His plan was foolproof.

“So it’s settled?”

“It’s settled.” Aelin said after a second of hesitancy. “We’ll restrain ourselves so we never have a fight again.”

“For Maisie.” Rowan extended a hand, and she shook it.

“For Maisie.”

They looked each other in the eye, holding each other’s hands for a little too long before she pulled it, reminding him of something.

“There’s this other thing I wanted to ask you.”

“Go on.”

“It’s about the wine thing. I’ve been thinking—”

She held a hand up to stop him. “Look, that meeting made it sound a lot worse than it actually is. It’s not a daily habit or anything. It’s just that…” Aelin pulled a chair and sat holding her head in one hand. She sighed. “Have you ever felt like you keep waiting your whole work day to end so you can be at home, but when you finally get home, you can’t stop thinking about work?”

Rowan frowned. He pulled another chair for himself and turned so he could face Aelin. Well, he used to feel like that. A lifetime ago, when he was working for the Air Force as an engineer. There was a reason he changed jobs, though. This week, the biggest headache he had was Lorcan getting pissed because one of the newbies was seen wearing regular sneakers at base.

“I thought you liked your job.”

“I do. I really do. I studied for almost a decade to be here, but sometimes I get home stressed out.” Aelin crossed her arms, not looking him in the eye. “Sometimes I’m just angry because a nurse did a shit job. Sometimes I have to tell a nineteen-year-old that just enlisted that they lost their leg while working. Sometimes I have to see some officer’s little kid completely fucked up because of some stupid shit and can’t stop thinking that it could’ve been Maisie.” Aelin’s voice broke in the end, so she stopped and looked at the ceiling. Taking deep breaths.

Rowan focused his whole being on every word she said, from the ache he felt to the pulse that seemed to beat on the rhythm of her words. He wanted to grasp every feeling she’d try to hide from him later. He wanted to ask her so many things. If any of this had been recent, why did she never mention any of it to him. He didn’t, though. He knew she wasn’t the type to open up easily, and he was scared to say anything that would shatter this fragile moment they were having.

“It’s never much, though.” Aelin continued, “And I’m never not present for Maisie. She was just extra interested because it’s the one thing in my kitchen she can’t have.”

“I still don’t know how I feel about this.” Rowan sighed. He wanted to at least sound more supportive after she opened up, but this conversation was still about their very little girl.

“That’s understandable.” Aelin slowly nodded, biting her lip and looking at a blank spot on the wall. “I can stop if it’s important to you.”

“Just on the days Maisie is with you,” he conceded. “Elide might have my head if you stop altogether.”

“Well, she already says you ruined her sex life. You can’t ruin Girls’ Night too.”

They let out a bittersweet chuckle, and something on Rowan’s chest eased to see Aelin in a slightly brighter mood. Also, to know they were having an actual conversation instead of screaming nonsense at each other.

“Can I ask you something too?”

“What?” He frowned.

“You asked me to stop drinking around Maisie. Now I want to ask you something too.”

“Oh…” Rowan trailed, scattering his brain for something he might’ve done wrong. “Go on.”

“I want you to take care of yourself,” Aelin’s tone was firm as she adjusted her posture and looked deep into his eyes.

Rowan’s mouth opened and closed before he spoke. “I take care of myself.”

“No, you keep yourself alive and take care of Maisie.” Aelin fidgeted with a beaded bracelet she made with their daughter. “I was hoping we could talk about what happened that other Friday.”

When he went to the hospital. Just mentioning it made his body temperature rise.

“That day was just a false alarm, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t bring this up again.”

Aelin looked as if he’d slapped her. Rowan would understand this reaction if he was truly denying something after she opened up to him, but that was not the case.

Honestly? He blamed Cortland for implying that Rowan had anxiety in front of Aelin. The doctor was just bitter after things ended with her, and said that to make him look bad. That was the only explanation.

Rowan doesn’t have a disorder. He’s just a concerned father who had an erratic heartbeat after a stressful moment. It’s merely being human.

“Okay…” Aelin nodded. “It’s not just about that day.” She took a deep breath and fully turned to him. “Remember that day when Maisie got sick and you called me asking how to give her the meds? Because you couldn’t read the leaflet?”

It had been three, maybe four months ago. Rowan crossed his arms. “What about it?”

“Did you go to the eye doctor?”

”I’m fine.” He crossed his arms. “That leaflet’s font was just too small.”

“Unlock your phone.”

“What?”

“Do it.”

He did it, letting her quickly examine his screen before she looked back at him with raised eyebrows.

“What?”

“The size of the text on your phone is so big I could read it from across the street. This is not a screen of someone who has good reading vision.”

Rowan gaped, not knowing what to say and wondering how she came up with this. Fuck, maybe Aelin was why Maisie was a smartie, as she liked to say herself.

His eyes widened with the realization of something.

“Do you think that’s why Maisie’s struggling to read? Because she need an eye doctor?”

Aelin’s jaw went slack. “Can you hear yourself?” Rowan blinked, not understanding, and she rolled her eyes. “You can’t focus on yourself for twenty seconds before making it about Maisie, Rowan. No, that’s not the reason she can’t read. The teacher said she can recognize letters, remember?”

“Yeah, she did.” He sighed, shoulders relaxing. “So it’s settled. You’ll stop drinking when Maisie is at your place. I’ll see the eye doctor.”

”Actually, the eye doctor was just an example.”

“Do you want me to go to the eye doctor or not?”

“It’s not about me wanting something, Rowan, you should…” she took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You know what? Okay. No fights, no wine, you’ll go to the eye doctor.”

“We got this.” They firmly shook each other’s hands again to seal this new phase.

˜˜

The living room had seven adults, and the only way they could keep an eye on the children and watch the game at the same time was by placing the play mat between the couch and the TV.

He complained at first when Aedion invited the whole crew to watch the game at Rowan’s house, but he didn’t mind now. In fact, he even liked it. Not only it was a good distraction from this hellish weekend, but it was also entertaining to see Fenrys getting pissed because he missed a goal when he went to the kitchen.

Aedion suggested Fenrys brings bad luck to the game, since the only goal has been while he was away. No one disagreed.

While Charlie was there just to play and because his parents made him, Maisie had her attention divided between her friend and the game. As much attention as a four-year-old could have, actually.

Rowan didn’t know if Maisie actually liked soccer or if she just picked up on her family’s excitement every time an important game is on, but he loved it anyway. Today, he even asked Aelin to come earlier so she could braid Maisie’s hair with ribbons on the team’s color. Rowan sighed. Every time he learned a new hairstyle, his daughter came up with something even more elaborate. It took him almost a month to get the french braid right, but now Maisie wanted it with ribbons.

She looked so damn cute with it, though. He’d probably end up on another Youtube tutorial.

Besides, a smile crosses Rowan’s face every time she wears the Doranelle White Hawks jersey he buys whenever she grows out of one.

”NO!” Maisie screamed, dramatically raising her hands and surprising them all. “Keep your eye on the pie!”

“It’s prize, Munchkin,” Fenrys corrected around a smile, but his eyes were still glued to the TV.

“That’s what I said,” the little girl defended herself, eyes narrowed at her uncle.

Unable to restrain himself and respect his preschooler’s drive for independence, Rowan picked his daughter up and smacked a kiss on her cheek. Luckily, she just giggled and nestled in his lap.

“I’ll be right back,” Fenrys announced and left the room.

The second he closed the bathroom door shut, Athril seized the ball and started to run towards the goal.

“OH MY GOD,” Elide exclaimed, and Lorcan rubbed her upper arm without looking away from the TV.

“WHAT?” Fen screamed from the bathroom.

“DON’T LET HIM OUT!” Aedion roared, pointing a finger in the bathroom’s direction.

Rowan wasn’t one for sports superstition, but he wouldn’t object.

Dorian got up and went the bathroom’s way so fast he stumbled and almost fell, but never gave up. He stood there, holding the handle from one side while Fenrys banged on the door from the other.

“LET ME OUT! I WANT TO SEE THE GAME!” Fen screamed, but one one listened.

It was hard to pay attention on anything else than Athril dribbling each and every one of his opponents, showing off his skills until—

“GOOOOAL,” they screamed in unison, getting up from their seats to cheer.

Fenrys came back running, but instead of complaining, he lit up when he saw the goal’s replay. Picking Dorian up, he cheered alongside everyone else.

Maisie was screaming and twirling on the floor, and even little Charlie looked content. Also, Rowan didn’t miss it the way his daughter tugged on her mother’s leg, whispered something in her ear, and then Aelin left for the kitchen.

“What did Mais want?” He asked after following her.

“Just sandwiches for her and Charlie.”

Rowan nodded, pointed at the bread on his counter and opened the fridge to get the other ingredients.

“Why don’t you throw this away?”

Aelin was frowning at the bread pack. Her hand was going over the first slice of the loaf of bread, picking the other ones the kids would accept.

“What?”

“This crusty slice of bread.”

“Are you bothered by it?”

Sighing, she turned to him. “Actually, yes. It’s like this whole barrier I have to go through before getting to the slice of bread Maisie will eat.”

“Maybe I just don’t throw things away as easily as you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You just told me to throw away not one, but the two ends of the bread just because it looks too crusty to you.“ Rowan shrugged. ”I don’t like throwing food away just because.”

“But you won’t eat it!” Aelin’s tone was gradually rising. “You won’t eat the slice, you’ll just break it in crumbs as you go over it to reach for the other slices, and it’ll end up in the trash anyway!”

“Why do you hate the crusty slice so bad?” His jaw was already set by this point, eyes shooting daggers at her.

“Because I don’t like crusty bread!” Aelin screamed. “I like my bread fluffy and comfortable! Why in hell would I settle for crusty bread?”

Rowan felt his blood ringing in his ears. “Well, maybe I don’t want another slice of bread! Maybe I want my crusty bread because it’s mine! Flawed as it is.”

“You’re not even eating that fucking slice! You’re just stringing it along, inside your little bread pack, until it breaks completely and you inevitably throw it away.” Aelin was gesticulating each time more, coming closer to him as well.

Rowan crossed his arms. “I would never throw my slice of bread away. And if you think—“

“Oh, really? Then what did you do to all the other crusty slices from your other packs?”

“THEY’RE IN HIS MAMA’S ASS,” Elide interrupted, voice louder than any of them as she banged the kitchen’s door closed. “Are you two serious right now?”

Rowan’s frenetic heart seemed to sink into his stomach.

Their agreement to never fight ever again had lasted five hours.

He bowed his head, refusing to meet any of the women in the eye. He bit the inside of his cheek, thinking of something to say, even though he knew he should be apologizing.

“I’ll finish the sandwiches, you can—“

Elide crossed her arms. “No, I am making the sandwiches, because you are so busy screaming at each other you forgot to feed the kids.” She shook her head, cursing under her breath. “Now you two will go sit at opposite ends of the living room because I ain’t going anywhere before the White Hawks win, so you’ll have to behave for once. Understood?”

“Sure,” Aelin mumbled. Rowan still wouldn’t look at her.

He nodded.

After they went to the living room, everything seemed normal. Everyone acted like nothing had happened, but Rowan knew better.

No matter what the subject was, he always felt the same after fighting with Aelin. The heated skin, tense muscles, replaying arguments inside his head.

It felt different this time.

After this fight, he felt nothing but shame.

TAG LIST (tell me if you want to be added or removed!)

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#rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #aelin galathynius #throne of glass fic #throne of glass #aelin x rowan #rowan x aelin #look at us now

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remusremorse · 1 year

Text

A marauders type of love

C̺͆H̺͆A̺͆P̺͆T̺͆E̺͆R̺͆ O̺͆N̺͆E̺͆:

1st person

September 1st 11:15am

I spent the first 15 minutes of the train journey doing my prefect duties, making sure the first and second years got on bord safely and happily. I have been spending the last 5 minutes looking for my best friend Regulus Black. We are currently in our 7th year at Hogwarts, so we have NEWTs this year.

'Petal over here' I hear my name being called as I turn around, I realise its pandora rosier. As I followed her to our compartment, I finally saw Regulus. I tackled him as he didn't realise I was there. 'You sure you can catch a snitch if you can't even sense me about to tackle you. Captain Black' I bit back a cackle, but the others didn't, they just laughed with no regrets. 'I will have you know Captain Grindelwald that I am an amazing seeker you on the other hand are a one-of-a-kind seeker' Regulus snarked back in an incredibly posh sarcastic voice

'Don't talk like that you sound like Dumbledore or my father' came the voice of Dorcas Meadows. We all burst into a fit of laughter. 'Oi, come on don't compare me to my father he's an asshole' my voice rang through the compartment. Followed by murmurs of agreement by my closest friends. Soon we all defused into our own convocations. Me and Regulus reading whatever book we bought each other last Christmas, Dorcas and Pandora catching up with each other and fawning over there crushes on Marlene McKinnon and Lily Evans, Evan and Barty keep showering each other in compliments and kisses or are making out in the corner (them having been together since 5th year).

1:30pm

The lunch lady mrs Parkason I believe her name is came past and offered us food. I bought a chicken sandwich with mayo in as well as some cheese and onion crisps but there was also a lot of different sweets and chocolate. So being the expensive bitch I am I bought the honey dukes chocolate infused with fire whiskey. We all continued to chat while we ate and after descended into a comfortable silence despite the smack of lips from Evan and Barry.

6:00pm

It was peaceful and quiet most of us reading either a book or the daily prophet. When suddenly a loud crash and James potter, Sirius black, Remus lupin and Peter pettegrew came bounding in. 'What the fuck' me and regulus screamed simultaneously. 'Sorry to barge in but where hiding from the prefects' was potters response. Then he turned around and realised that had just walked into a compartment with 3 prefects one being head girl as well. 'Shit,fuck,shit,fuck' we heard potter, black and pettegrew repeat. The look on lupins face was just 'I told you so'. 'I will refrain from giving you all detention because I can do that know as head girl if you tell me who you where pranking and why and also you find out who the head boy is and tell me' is how I responded. The look of pure shock on there faces as to why I wasn't giving them detention was hilarious. That's when Black pipped up and said 'well we where pranking snape as he called Lily Evans a mudblood again also James here is head boy.' 'By the ancients, Merlin help me' I whispered under my breathe as they left.

7:45pm

I checked my watch for it to read 7:43pm. 'It's quater to 8:00 we should probably start getting into are robes' I said with tone of hurry. There is a ruffling noise and the all proceed to change( her uniform is the second slide) the only difference between mine and Dorcas was the tie,robe and jumper colours. Mine and pandoras are the same as we are in the same house and share a dorm.

Once we arrived as head girl I had to make sure all the first years got to Hagrid safely. The only problem was the head boy is potter so that sucks. You see for some reason he hates me, it could be because he's Gryffindor quidditch captain as well as chaser so naturally we would be rivals but he's hated me since first year for some reason unknown to me.

#fanfic #marauders #polyamory #poly!marauders smut #polyamarous #poly!marauders fluff #poly!marauders x reader #smut #animagi #slytherin skittles #poly!marauders imagine

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theimpossiblescheme · 6 months

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Demons

(Apparently what I do with Lupin III installments I'm disappointed by is write fics about the aftermath. This one is post-Part 5 because I needed some closure between Lupin and Goemon after their subplot--I hope everyone enjoys!)

The Lupin who sat in front of Goemon right now, cross-legged on the bathroom floor, intently studying himself in a pocket mirror as he worked, brushes and spirit glue in hand, was almost unrecognizable. And it had nothing to do with his face.

Of course, his face didn’t help matters. When he and Fujiko finally emerged from the collapsing ShakeHanz building, he’d looked… undeniably different. More visibly injured, certainly, with the remains of old scars, burns, blemishes, and bruises across almost every inch of his face. His cheeks were a little hollower, and even his nose looked a bit off, like it had been broken multiple times and never quite set right. But he also looked older, with visible tiny wrinkles around his eyes and the corners of his mouth and a long thin line across his forehead.

None of that necessarily surprised Goemon–they were all getting older. Fujiko’s own makeup regimen took a few more minutes every morning she stayed with them, Jigen had thrown himself a "One Foot in the Grave" party after finding a grey hair (which consisted mostly of drinking himself into delirium for the evening), and Goemon remembered waking up in the middle of the night and momentarily wondering why his father was staring at him from the bathroom mirror. It was inescapable. And it also didn’t surprise him that Lupin still felt stupidly confident enough to believe he’d be an exception, filling those cracks in the facade with makeup and latex.

No, what surprised him were Lupin’s eyes. The color didn’t change–they were the same dark brown they’d always been. But lately… it was hard to describe. In all the time Goemon had spent with him, Lupin proved both incredibly easy and utterly impossible to read; the same facial expression could mean either genuine joy or ridiculously overblown sarcasm, rage or petty annoyance. Even as elastic and expressive as his face was, it usually held no more honesty than an artfully constructed mask. At least now that particular mystery was solved. His eyes, however–if you could get close enough to notice–always belied the mask somehow. Even when the rest of him was an artfully designed blank, there was some flash of true feeling there.

Lately, his eyes had been dull. Muted and lifeless, the eyes of a dead man walking. Even smiling from ear to ear or flushed with rage, Lupin’s eyes didn’t change. Goemon hadn’t realized just how long they’d been that way until now… how long had it been? Since they came to Paris?

There had been a night, hadn’t there, when they first arrived? Jigen had offered to toast to the new hideout, but Goemon had declined–the pungent import wine disagreed with him even more than whiskey did. Some dozen drinks later, though, the festive mood shifted to something darker, what with Jigen rambling about how long they’d been doing this together and how many close calls there had been. While Goemon tried to tune them out and focus on his meditation, a few stray sentences caught his ear. Including a grim cackle of “You’re damn lucky, Lupin… any greenhorn in your place would be at the bottom of the ocean right now.”

Lupin hadn’t said anything to that. He’d just flopped backward onto the couch, legs dangling off the side. At first it seemed like he was doing his usual dramatic “fetch my fainting couch, someone pay attention to me” routine, but he still didn’t say anything. He just lay there, squirming intermittently like he couldn’t get comfortable, his head parallel to Goemon’s against the pillow. Abandoning his meditation for a moment, Goemon craned his neck to look up at him. In that moment, contemplating every close call Jigen brought up, Lupin laughed and smiled along, but his eyes hadn’t caught up with his mouth. They looked as if he really were staring up at the world from a great distance beneath, watching it fade out of his grasp. Worse yet, he looked almost at peace with it. Like it would be a relief to let the tide take him and sweep him under, out of the sunlight. As Jigen trailed away, so did Lupin, and Goemon could practically hear the cogs clicking listlessly in his head. All the while, that ever-present flicker in his eyes guttered and, right before he fell asleep, went out.

Goemon had written it off as drunken flights of fancy–Jigen and Lupin had a tendency to entertain these morbid “jokes” when extremely drunk, and he’d never seen the point in it. There was a distinct difference between real failure and just horrible luck, something he’d learned over years of hard experience and restless nights of introspection and self-loathing. But Lupin, he knew, preferred not to waste the time and instead made his own luck. And it simply wasn’t in any man’s nature, much less his, to purposefully create bad luck.

And that was precisely what he’d been doing, wasn’t it? The Lupin Game. Padar. Albert. Enzo. Even Goemon himself, for a terrible moment.

How could he have been so clueless? Had Jigen noticed? No, what a stupid question–of course he had. Fujiko certainly had, and learning of her role in all this brought a great deal of clarity. Only Goemon, in his foolish self-obsessed desire to validate himself in Enzo’s eyes and clarify a partnership that had never needed it, seemed to have missed the signs. This was a failure, a real failure he could very well have prevented, and Goemon expected he’d pay for it one day.

But dying for his failures meant something radically different to Goemon than he was sure it did for Lupin. Hell, Lupin was never the sort of man to assume he needed to atone with his own breath and blood.

So why did he apparently want to die so badly? He thought of Lupin on his own, sometime after his and Fujiko's divorce, before he'd contacted the rest of the gang... what it must have been like for him. He thought of all the other times Lupin had been on his own, what close calls they had all been.

He thought of how lonely he himself had been, those long months he disappeared into the mountains to clear his head... even knowing he wasn't supposed to be. The point of the exercise was to get by on his own. But there was no rule against him missing his friends (probably the grandest irony of all) and wondering what would have become of him if he'd stayed on his own. Under Momochi's thumb, keeping himself at arm's length from the world... never knowing Jigen's ridiculous jokes, Fujiko's laugh, Lupin's singsong affect when he was assured of victory. The palpable joy and relief that filled any given hideout when a heist had gone off without a hitch, the demons of the past were far behind them, and all was right with the world.

Knowing that they'd very likely saved his life, in ways they all barely understood.

He knew what Jigen's demons were, and he had a vague idea of Fujiko's as well. The only one he wasn't sure about was Lupin. He glanced sideways at the man sitting on the bathroom floor, who winced as he covered a scar across one eye with liquid latex...

And decided he didn’t need to know the answer. Nor did he want to. Instead, he sat down against the frame of the bathroom door, leaning one shoulder in and one shoulder out, essentially blocking the entrance with his body. Legs crossed, sword across his lap. Guarding the man inside as he worked. If anyone was going to kill Lupin… but that bridge was burned, and good riddance for it.

I’m not letting you die on us so easily. At least not alone.

#lupin iii #fanfic #lupgoe #kind of? It's not a focus but hey *I* ship it and you can read it that way if you like. <3

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i-rate-horse-games · 1 year

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Rating Horse Isle 3 again

yep, i kept playing. the last review describes the horrors of starting fresh in this game. this review is about what i've discovered about the rest of the game since then.

huge shoutout to @piosplayhouse for giving me a horse to explore the game with quicker!! here we are on my ranch! (me on the right)

tragically, Bogos Binted was silently stripped of his GAY title, but the legacy (and the crime >:) ) live on. we traveled far together. good horse.

this game does not want you to progress quickly. everything is designed to slow you down. want to pick up a rock? that will deduct the limited energy you have, which can easily be depleted to zero with about 10 minutes of chopping wood. want to quick travel to the nearest club, saving you half an hour of your time? that deducts from your travel bar, which when empty will leave you stuck and stranded. want to craft something? that deducts from your focus bar. want to run fast and jump hurdles? that deducts from your horse's stamina bar. many times i have attempted the course of the hour and had to quit because my horse was too tired to finish it and people behind me were crashing into me. (i had to ask for help to figure out how to quit. asking for help in the 'help' chat channel costs you essence.

speaking of essence! you get to pick up floating orbs in every biome you go. sometimes there will be an anomaly, where if you join a gang of determined riders, sometimes you'll make it to a cluster of over 100 essences, and you'll get to see most of the online players in the same place together! but those essence don't actually count as essence you picked up in a biome. which sucks, because you need those to unlock items. the hang glider, for example, costs 1,000 Fjords Essence and 9,000 other essences. there's a tome you can read that lets you pick up 3 of every essence you pick up yourself, but it takes two whole real life days for a tome you've read to start working, and you can only have read one tome at a time. i read the travel tome because i decided to build a ranch near the second most western club in the world.

speaking of other players, here's something i enjoyed quite a lot that was in HI1! water balloon fights!

as you can see here i came second place :)

i did also find the jump hurdle i saw previously on Tumblr and laughed so hard when the popup messages saying we'd hit an obstacle just kept coming and coming even after we'd gotten through it

huge shoutout to Velara Village i love you

everything considered, i think what i spent the most time doing in this game was meandering through the wilderness, finding puzzles, and cackling like a wizard when i managed to solve them. I got really excited when it involved math or biology that i somehow remembered from my classes. 'nyeh heh heh' i said. every time. that bit was pretty fun but very time consuming.

i also spent a lot of time just running the game with a calibration weight holding down the W button to keep me slowly slowly traversing the world while i did other things

i did breed 2 horses together! the baby seemed pretty normal i guess. not really sure how you guys are getting Long Necked Beauties but i respect the grind. this game has a lot of grinding. :)

all in all, i'm changing my rating up from 2/5 to 2.5/5!

★★✬☆☆

it takes a lot of grinding to unlock important things with not much payoff. it feels like it wants you to get frustrated and give them money. but i did really enjoy the puzzles, and even though the farming was just waiting based, i like my farm a lot! the community seems very nice and welcoming! everyone works together to get everyone to the essence anomalies, and it's fun seeing people collaborate like that! thank you to the HI3 tumblr community for lending me a hand! :)

trans rights!

#horse game #homophobic horse game #horse isle 3 #horse isle #hi3 #horse game rating #*you can be a boy

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cricketwrites · 1 year

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Hello~~~~ could I please request you do a Alphonse x reader, and reader has a little sister who is quite younger than her (reader 14 and 8 yrs~ difference so sister would be about 5-6) and all the fluff that would ensue with readers little sister possibly spoiling that her big sister has a crush?? Like little sisters do! Even better if lil sis has a lil kid crush on Edward cuz he’s so ‘tall’ compared to her lmao please and thank you do whatever you Can with this, honestly there’s just not very much Al in armor content out there 🙈 Ty Ty

-Say LESS anon <3 Honestly I love good old Al in armor content out there because there’s so much he CAN do and it’s an added little restriction that lets me stretch my writing muscles a bit :D

-Okay siblings, and kids in general, are little gremlins (said with all my love) who will absolutely spoil secrets if they get the chance, even unintentionally.

-So kids love Al, it’s canon I don't make the rules.

-Little sister would keep asking why you act differently around Al, and why your face is red when you talk. Sometimes right in front of Al and Ed, which makes Ed cackle and Al awkwardly flail because he doesn’t know what to do.

-Al sort of just writes it off, he’s had some experience with kids and knows how kids can be. (Like Maes’s daughter calling Al “big brother” and Ed “little brother” because Al is a 7 foot tall suit of armor and Ed is, of course, shorter. I love that scene so much.)

-Ed knows that Al likes you, but has kept to himself out of respect for his little brother. It’s getting on his nerves that you guys won't talk to each other about it though.

-Now, little sister adores Ed. He doesn’t think about it too much, after all she’s a kid, but he doesn’t really entertain it.

-“I appreciate the thought kid, but you gotta find someone your own age, okay? We can be friends.” With some head pats and a smile.

-She was upset about it for a few hours then they were back to being friends again with no hard feelings. Kids are just like that.

-Now, sister snitched to Ed, probably knowing exactly what she was doing.

-Al was luckily not there, and you had left the two alone for less than 5 minutes.

-Ed would probably bring it up when you were alone, if sister didn’t bring it up when you got back.

-He wouldn’t confront you, per se, but he’d have a calm conversation about it and it would be quickly resolved.

-He likes you, and thinks you’re good for his brother. The fact that he even let you close enough to form a good relationship is evidence.

-Now, onto Al himself.

-After Ed finds out, he keeps it to himself. He knows Al wouldn’t want Ed to intervene and “embarrass” him.

-Ed begrudgingly keeps it quiet, but schemes with little sister to put you two in situations where you might have to confess.

-It doesn’t work.

-What does push you two to confess is Ed and Al getting into danger. Ed needed some minor automail repairs and Al’s armor was majorly damaged, but the damage was repairable.

-It took a few days for Winry to come out to fix Ed’s automail so that he could properly repair Al’s armor, so he was stuck for a few days.

-You spent as much time with him as possible, clearly distressed about the incident, even if Al wasn’t too upset about it

-When you finally bring up your concern, Al was nervous but again didn’t see too much of a problem with it.

-It leads to a really sweet confession but he is mildly insecure, after all, he’s a 14 year old boy in a 7 foot tall suit of armor.

-He’s not sure that he’s what you want, because he’s all too aware of what he lacks.

-He’s not too aware, though, of what he does have. He’s a lovely person with a big heart and his insecurity eclipses that.

-When you finally reassure him and make it known, everyone is so happy.

-Ed and your little sister go “FINALLY”

-Little sister says “Does this mean I get to call you big brother now?” With wide eyes and a happy smile.

-If Al could blush his face would be STEAMING.

Thank you for requesting anon!! I had so much fun writing this <3

Ask Box: Open!

~Cricket

#alphonse x reader #alphonse elric x reader #alphonse imagines #fmab x reader #fmab imagines

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polaroidcats · 11 months

Note

Okay first of I'm cackling about your tags on that one post "we nailed the slightly to the left part"

Also 7,8,21,43 for the ask game, i'm nosy 👀

hahaha I'm glad you saw the tags and liked them! :D

OKay here we gooo:

7: Have tattoos? + 8: Want any tattoos?

no I don't have any :( I am the most indecisive and anxious person, so even though I LOVE tattoos and really want to get some, so far I haven't done it. After only 6 years of consideration I am getting another piercing soon (hopefully), so you know, maybe in another decade or so I'll also finally get a tattoo. I honestly would love to just have both my arms and my chest full of tattoos, I lovelovelove that kind of look but we shall see if it ever happens

21: What I love most about myself

Okay this was way too hard? I think what I like most about myself is that I'm a really caring and compassionate person? Like if I care about anyone or anything I do so very deeply, and very enthusiastically and loudly, and that has its good and bad sides but caring about other people and the world is what keeps me going most of the time.

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

oh god my mind just went completely blank idk???!?! Okay i just spent 5 minutes thinking about this question which already makes the "comes to my mind immediately" part irrelevant and I can't come up with an answer so you're getting a joke answer instead: Click at your own risk.

Ask game: send me nosy asks!

#ask game #about me #llama tag

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nickcharleswife · 1 year

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Well, in a month and a half And You Know For Me, It’s Always You has already reached 2,000 hits, and because of that amazingness, I now give you some of my original thoughts and notes from when I was plotting and planning:

First and foremost, you gotta know I’m not kidding in the Author’s Notes when I say I was cackling over this idea. I still remember where I was when I started the message on my commute home. I thought it was the funniest damn thing having secret service agents storm the Great Hall. Like what an insane, wacky twist. I think the voice text ended up being 2 or 3 minutes (I desperately wish I still had it), and multiple times I was laughing too hard to keep talking. It’s a little less funny in retrospect, but for a weekday at 5:15 pm I thought I was a damn comedic genius. Also, just the number of ways US politics would confuse wizards was funny to simply contemplate 😂

Now the first notes I wrote down:

Hermione Granger is U.S. President’s daughter

I want secret service agents entering the Great Hall after BoH

Whole fam & grandma goes to Diagon Alley for picking up supplies for 8th year. [unfortunately I decided to cut Grandma from this scene]

I need a pinched nose Hermione as chaos devolves and a “unfortunately, my father will hear about this” [this never happened in the fic, but I like to imagine it happened behind the scenes anyway]

I spent an afternoon figuring out how wealthy the Nichols and Malfoy families would be worth. I even calculated how much Richard & Helen would have made as a lawyer & English professor based on locations and time in each career. Lots of math was involved (and I can show my work!!)

If you’re curious how the McKinnon family connection connects, perhaps at 5,000 hits (or sooner if I’m impatient) I’ll reveal the family tree I made 👀👀

Thank you so so much for reading and enjoying and ignoring my blatant typos (I intend to fix that insult one at some point 😅). Y’all are amazing and I so so appreciate the love I’ve received for the story!

#dramione #hermione granger #draco malfoy #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #dramione fanfiction #cruelsummer ficfest #And You Know For Me It’s Always You

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song-birds-stuff · 1 year

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I decided to redesign my Welcome Home oc Dr Dolly feeling she needed a change, making her look more like a wacky scientist character from the late 60s-early 70s, plus giving her more puppety proportions, I would also like to share some additional lore for her.

I have made a full backstory from before the neighborhood, her full name is Dorothy Dolly and was born to a wealthy family, though the only family she knew was her mother, who was less than pleasant, her mother never spent a penny on her daughter and the moment she discovered her daughters talent for machines, took it as an opportunity for Dr Dolly to do all the home keeping and fix any broken appliances so her mother wouldn't need to spend a dime on an expensive mechanic, being mad when Dr Dolly's work isn't immediately fixed on the first try and when guests were over would make Dr Dolly was forced to hide her prosthetics, she had no accident that made her lose such limbs she was simply born without them and made the wooden prosthetics with great difficulty using her prehensile tail, but her mother still insisted on hiding something so 'ugly'

Eventually, when Dr Dolly was old enough, she had just about enough and after quite a big fight she left to the big city to study to be a scientist on her own terms.

This, however, wasn't easy, she couldn't get into a good school after cutting her mother from her life, to the point of changing her surname from Dollip to Dolly, it made her need to study on her own and have jobs that never lasted long, one day though, in an effort to relax, she visited a comedy club, where she met Barnaby, he was having things from tomatoes to a whole sink thrown at him but in the chaos, Dr Dolly was the only one to laugh genuinely at his jokes, and when she laughs she LAUGHS a good mad scientist cackle

After the show, Barnaby and Dr Dolly met outside on the steps and talked a bit, Barnaby had also moved to the big city recently, trying to make it big as a comedian and make his mama and friends back home proud, both he and Dr Dolly relating to how the big city wasn't what it was cracked up to be, eventually decided on being roommates and becoming good friends for a while

The two friends were in the big city a few years, a few times Barnaby's mama and longtime friend Wally visited, Barnaby helped Dr Dolly no longer feel bad about her prosthetics and show them off proudly instead; but eventually the stress of the big city became quite a lot but when Barnaby heard Wally recently moved to a small and friendly neighborhood, decided he needed the change and it didn't sound too bad to Dr Dolly and both packed up their things and left.

Some additional tidbits for Dr Dolly, when asked about her prosthetics she will make something up or give an out of pocket claim thinking its funny, usually followed by the camera cutting to the one who asked having an utterly mortifying expression.

Personality wise she can speak rather proper but never as elegant or flamboyant as someone like Sally, shes quite stubborn even if she tells her friends and fellow neighbors sleep was important she herself sleeps twenty minutes minimum on a good day due to working on machines which usually explode twice at LEAST before their fully working, if she were to have a voice, likely something slightly raspy but with a softer voice to show her roots of once being in a rich and powerful family, matching her vocal mannerisms.

And for those curious, she is a lesbian and is 28, nearing 29 before the show was taken off the air.

She is also the only puppet that is 5 feet instead 3 like Wally or 4 feet like Julie or Frank.

#welcome home #dr dolly #barnaby b. beagle #wally darling

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nokingsonlyfooles · 1 year

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WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 10

[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Part 10: Disaster Roulette: DEATH and Abigail Thorn

[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]

[SLIDE: Darkness, with the All Hail Gozer logo in the corner.]

A: What the fuck? Isn’t it my pick again? Are we back on the fucking Kursk? [starting to panic] Are we all out of picks? Is this an endless loop? Oh my God… I’m not running Unreal Engine anymore!

D: Hang on, hang on… Laptops open, everyone! Are we all here?

L: We’re here! But, uh…

R: We’re on a sofa.

A: The Kursk doesn’t have a fucking sofa!

[footsteps, rustling]

R: I found a lamp…

D: I’ve got a light switch over here…

[click]

L: It’s a house?

D [annoyed]: It’s a flat.

A: Sort of a nondescript twee little flat…

R: There’s a microwave, and some dishes…

L: Is that Thomas the Tank Engine over there?

A: Where the hell are we?

L: Gandalf, buddy, is this your place?!

D: What does a lamassu want with a sofa and a microwave?

L: Comfort and convenience, my friends. Comfort and convenience!

A: And Thomas the Tank Engine?

L: Maybe he likes trains, I dunno…

A: Do you smell something burning?

R: [sniffing] Smells like… Substandard aluminum composite rain screen cladding?

A: GET OUT RIGHT NOW! DO NOT SHELTER IN PLACE! GET OUT NOW!

[SLIDE: The Grenfell Tower Fire.]

[running, scuffing, door slam]

[coughing]

L: FUCK!

A: Oh, fuck, oh…

R: Stuff that throw rug under it!

D: Who picked this? We wouldn’t pick this! We’d never…

L: We’ve had four picks, right, guys? The Kursk, the Silver Bridge, the Atmospheric Railway and Frankford Junction…

D: So shouldn’t it loop back around to Alice?

A: I didn’t pick this.

L: I think… I think Gozer picked this.

A [resigned]: Yeah. I mean, xe seems very into fire. And strategically speaking…

D: Can you see out the window? Are we over the 11th floor?

A: It doesn’t matter, no one’s coming to rescue us. If it’s any consolation, the smoke will probably get us before… before anything more dramatic happens.

D: Don’t give up! Don’t lose hope! It’s still before dawn, we’ve got time — we’ve got hours! As long as we keep podcasting…

L: Dev…

A: Dev, we barely made it through this one in the first place…

D: But you did make it through! We can do this! We know we can do this! We… We have pitch black senses of humour and indomitable human spirits. There is nothing we can’t laugh at. How… How is this any worse than the existential trauma of hurtling through space on a lonely planet with full knowledge that you and everything you ever loved or cared about will inevitably die? Our situation is fundamentally pointless and absurd, and this is how humanity copes! Fuck Gozer! Somebody make a joke about how many Xboxes you could buy with the government’s totally inadequate restitution and let’s go!

[brief silence]

D: Come on! This isn’t worse than Aberfan! This isn’t worse than fucking Bhopal!

L: We didn’t have to sit in an apartment in Bhopal and stare at some probably-dead kid’s Thomas the Tank Engine.

D: Rocz! You spent over a minute cackling after you found out Ruth Bader Ginsberg just died! Surely you…?

R: While it is often said that comedy equals tragedy plus time, I believe it may be more accurate to express “time” as “distance.” Laughter, as we call it, is the sound of a shock-induced dislocation of the human soul. In a community, laughter is validating; it’s a sign we all understand something is very wrong here, but it’s far enough away not to be hurting us at the moment. With laughter, we affirm our collective purpose and strength. In the matter of Notorious RBG or climate change or the heat death of the universe, we have room to seek that community with each other before the consequences hit. But this… I’m sorry, Dev. This is just too close.

A: It is oddly peaceful, though. I mean, the inevitability.

R: Yeah.

D: This can’t be what kills us! This is only… This is only… the government-sanctioned murder of over seventy human beings in need of housing assistance, at least one of whom was a child who likes trains…

[brief silence, quiet sniffling]

L: It’s all right, Dev. You did your best. We went out swinging.

A: If it’s any consolation, Ishtar’s probably not going to let this stand.

R: Yeah. Just, not much she can do with a pocket dimension.

D: What do you want to do? We’ve probably got hours…

A: Well, I have a few emails I’d like to write.

L: Yeah… I mean, it’s your prerogative, but I’m not gonna tell anyone I’m trapped in a pocket dimension and they can’t help us. Just, ya know, gonna try and keep it positive.

A: Yeah…

[typing sounds]

D: I… [weak laugh] I suppose I’d better let Abi know we won’t be in to record next week…

A: Oh, that’s thoughtful of you, Dev. Thanks.

[typing sounds]

A: Does anyone want to listen to some Mountain Goats?

R: We don’t have the rights.

A: Yeah, [laugh] but, we’re probably not going to get a chance to post this, so…?

[muffled ringing]

A: What’s that?

L: It’s my pocket…

D: Your pocket’s not ringing, it’s the cursed phone!

[beep]

L: Uh, hello?

[muffled, irritated phone voice]

L: Uh, no, they’re right here, though… Dev? It’s for you.

D: Hello?

[unintelligible, but very annoyed, phone voice, which continues intermittently throughout]

D: [sigh] No. No, Abi. I’m sorry. I promise, I did not make you watch the entire Bourne Identity TV series for a prank. No. No, we do not have covid. Or Vigo. No, um, I do understand you can’t do a podcast with one person, but, er… To be perfectly honest, we’re both about to die in a pocket dimension and then Ishtar and Gozer are probably going to have it out, so… Er, Gozer the Gozerian? Um…? No, xe can’t come to the phone right now… Because xe has taken the form of the Grenfell Tower Fire and… Um, hang on…

[beep]

Abigail Thorn (ABI): I SAID PUT ME ON FUCKING SPEAKER! AM I ON SPEAKER?

D: Yes.

A: Hi, Abi!

ABI: [cheerfully] Hi! [back to being annoyed] GOZER, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?

G: UH, BATTLING THE GODS OF THIS WORLD FOR SUPREMACY? WHO IS THIS, PLEASE?

ABI: MY NAME IS ABIGAIL THORN, I AM THE AVATAR OF ISHTAR WHO IS TALKING NOW, MY PRONOUNS ARE SHE AND HER AND I AM FUCKING ANNOYED!

A: What?

G: Oh? Abi? Hi! [clearing throat] OBVIOUSLY I WAS NOT GOING TO DESTROY YOU OR ANY PART OF KILL JAMES BOND, HA-HA. BIG FAN OF YOUR SUFFERING! SO, UH, IS THERE SOME OTHER PROBLEM?

ABI: YOU’VE GOT TWO-THIRDS OF KJB TRAPPED IN SUBSTANDARD PUBLIC HOUSING AND YOU’RE ABOUT TO SET THEM ON FIRE — THERE’S YOUR PROBLEM, YOU DAFT FUCKING ENBY!

G: WHAT? [slightly lower voice] WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE, AGAIN?

A [automatically]: My name is Alice Caldwell-Kelly, I am the person who is talking now, and my pronouns are she and her.

D: I, er… I’m Dev. Devon.

L: I’m Liam Anderson…

G: SHUT UP. NOBODY CARES.

A [faintly]: Yay, Liam.

G [sheepish]: TERRIBLY SORRY, THEY DIDN’T DO THEIR INTROS.

R: Fuck.

G: BUT NO HARM DONE!

A: I am traumatised and covered in horse viscera.

D: I’m questioning the meaning of my existence. Also, Abi never told us she was an avatar of Ishtar and… I think I’m a bit hurt by that?

A: Yeah. I mean, I assumed she was an avatar of something, but she might’ve specified…

G: ALL RIGHT, A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF HARM DONE, BUT NOTHING IRREPARABLE! DO I, ER, HAVE THE “ALL CLEAR” TO KILL THE OTHER TWO?

A & D: NO!

ABI: STOP TRYING TO END THE WORLD, YOU CUNT! I TOLD YOU, I AM STILL USING IT!

G: [sigh] HANG ON.

Part 11

#wtyp #well there's your problem #ghostbusters #long reads #fanfic #fanfiction #crossover fic #gozer the gozerian #alice caldwell-kelly #liam anderson #justin roczniak #devon #engineering disasters #podcast

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