#and then said passive aggressive things to my face and trying to monitor my behavior

[lovelettered]

i know it's just how some people are and comes down to personality but god i fucking hate delicate girls. and i don't mean physically weak girls or whatever i mean girls that haven't raised their voice a day in their life and avoid walking on the grass like the plague. and there's nothing inherently wrong with being like that but it infuriates me so much like where's the LIFE in you. and why do you get to be the perfect societal standard for womanhood?? meanwhile i'm over here shoveling dirt into my mouth and sounding like a possessed demon when i get mad at my mom and you're making me look bad!!!

[silverhandy]

Verbatim

read on ao3!

Summary:  Having climbed all the way up from Heywood’s slums to Miyabi, one of the most high end casinos in Night City, Santiago "Sanny" Garcia thought himself a lucky man, right until the point when his employer, an Arasaka board member with a gambling business on the side, caught him stealing and offered an impossible ultimatum. Forced to pay off his debt or die trying, Sanny has to renew some old friendships and form some new ones to keep himself afloat.

On top of everything, when his cyberware starts malfunctioning, there’s only one person on his long contact list that he can call.

“Where’s your Trauma platinum when you need it, pendejo?”

“Kicking a man when he’s down? Never expected that from you” Sanny groaned, burying his face in a pillow. He’d give anything for the world to stop spinning, just for a second. Faced with a heavy silence, he cracked one eye open to see Maria’s disgruntled expression on the holo. “It got revoked, okay? I’m literally begging here.”

“You're not,” she replied, the frown still not leaving her face. Sanny could swear at least some part of her was enjoying it. “At least not yet.”

“C’mon, hermana. I’m-” before he could finish that sentence, he was cut off by another wave of nausea strong arming its way through him. He barely had the chance to haul himself over the edge of the bed to vomit into the bucket he put there, anything to avoid ruining his ridiculously expensive, silk sheets.

Sanny could practically feel Maria’s judging stare on him as she got a front row seat on her brother puking his brains out. He understood her, in a way - their last conversation wasn’t exactly a pleasant one. Maybe he went a little overboard with his bragging. Still, she was his only sibling that still kept in touch with him, all the rest a step away from declaring him a total stranger.

As he wiped his mouth, desperate to get rid of the bitter taste of bile, he entertained the thought of apologizing to her. Was that his new low? At the mercy of his older sister? Certainly not a position he thought he’d find himself in, not after he decided to say goodbye to Heywood for good. She had every right to resent him just as the rest of the family did, but despite it all, they still kept in contact. A sporadic, passive aggressive contact, but a contact nevertheless.

She let out a heavy sigh. “Fine. You’re lucky my day freed up, otherwise you’d have to call some other sorry fucker. Text me the address, I’ll be there in an hour, maybe two.”

“Two hours? You for real?”

“Don’t push your luck, Santiago.”

                                                              ***

“That ripperdoc of yours, how reliable is he?”

“He knows his stuff. Just bear in mind he doesn’t usually take on corpos.”

“Not a corpo.” Sanny mumbled, resting his forehead on the cold glass of the passenger's window.

“You sure as hell look like one” she replied, not taking her eyes off the road.

“When in Rome, do as Romans do…”

The car hit a bump, making Sanny smack his head against the glass. An explosion of pain followed as an array of angrily white stars danced in front of his vision, sprinkled with not less alarming system failure warnings. If he didn’t know better, he’d say Maria did that on purpose, but she wasn’t responsible for the state of the neighborhood's roads. Not directly, at least.

“We’re here.” Maria’s voice snapped him out of his stupor. Some time must’ve passed because when he opened his eyes they were parked on the edge of a wide, busy street, various shops, and nightclubs drawing customers in with their loud neons and whatever else they had to offer. Luckily for Sanny, they didn’t have to walk all the way through it, loud sounds and aggressively bright lights coming at him from all directions, mercilessly aggravating his headache before they turned the corner and walked through the gate leading to a small, crumpled backyard. Maria led him down another set of stairs to an unlabeled basement, one of those places you needed to know were there to find them.

“Hey Vik!'' she said as she passed the gate to the underground clinic, walking in as if she owned the place. Sanny followed behind, his usual confidence shrinking. If what Maria said was true, there was a real chance that the ripperdoc would turn him away and he doubted he had the resolve to drag himself to another one. Suddenly Fukuzawa’s offer of a bullet to the head seemed much more appealing.

When the ripperdoc turned his head towards them, a warm smile appeared on his face as his eyes landed on Maria. Tossing the screwdriver he’d been holding aside, he got up to greet her, though Sanny could tell he was eyeing him over her shoulder as well. He couldn’t blame him - he probably looked like a breathing trainwreck.

“Hey, good to see you.” the ripper said to Maria. “So you must be Sanny?” he asked, suddenly shifting his attention to the younger man, extending a muscular arm towards him. The ripper was built like a fucking truck and Mal could feel his mouth go dry, and only partially because he must be severely dehydrated at this point. Suddenly regretting that he didn’t at least take a shower before Maria came to pick him up, he took a step forward to shake the man’s hand.

“That’s me.” Sanny smiled nervously, his paled face twitching with the effort.

“Viktor Vector’s the name. Heard a lot about you.”

“Oh yeah?” Sanny could hear his voice cracking, mind racing at all the things Maria could possibly say about him while in her ripper’s chair. There were many and only a few made Sanny proud of himself.

“I’ll leave you boys to chat. Don’t want no part in this.” Maria said, a crooked smile on her face. “I’ll wait in the car. Vik, feel free to add this to my tab.”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.”

And just like that, she left him there. Great.

“Alright, let’s get you seated, don’t want you to crack your head open if you fall.” Sanny heard Viktor say. Too busy trying to keep down the few sips of water he got before leaving the apartment, he didn’t even notice how his silhouette started to sway to the side, only stopped by the ripperdoc’s strong arm on his shoulder, steadying him and gently ushering him in the direction of the chair.

Looking back, the whole thing couldn’t have happened to him at a worse time, shortly after he got dropped from the Trauma Team health plan, his regular ripper bidding him farewell with an apologetic smile, even taking a step further to wish him luck. So much for the Hippocratic oath. Sanny watched silently as Viktor kicked himself a chair and sat down to fire up the monitors, typing away at the beat up keyboard until eventually, he reached out a hand.

“Your personal link, please.”

“‘f course” Sunny mumbled, handing him the cable and watching as the doc jacked it into the port, on the first try even. Must be the practice, Sanny thought and allowed his head to rest on the headboard, the blue leather cracking slightly as Viktor started running diagnostics on his cyberware.

“That’s an impressive set you got there”

If he wasn’t feeling so damn miserable, he'd smirk. Impressive was an understatement, with his array of the state of the art cyberware, from behavioral boosters to those refining his fine motor skills to a point he was practically a magician with a deck of cards. Or a lockpick, but he was yet to get desperate enough to give that career path a try.

“My job has its perks.”

“You a croupier at Miyabi?” it seemed that Viktor was rather keen on small talk, a quality that Sanny didn’t quite share, but hesitantly welcomed.

“Figured it out from my tech or did my sister tell you?”

“Bit of both, I suppose.”

Jacked and insightful. What more could Sanny possibly want?  Then again, it wasn’t a time in his life for romantic pursuits, both this specific moment, lying sick on the ripperdoc’s chair and in a broader sense, when he had a figurative gun to his head, a literal one soon to follow if he doesn’t resolve the mess he got himself into.

“Other than dizziness, anything else bothering you?

“Uh,” Sanny turned his head to look at the other man. There were many things bothering him and most had little to do with his current physical condition. “I haven't been able to keep anything down for a few days now. Not even the damn pills for the headache. Running self diagnostics didn’t spit out anything useful either.”

Viktor’s brows furrowed as he shot the younger man a glance from behind his shades. Disapproval? Concern?

“It’s been this bad and you’re only now seeing a ripper?”

“Maria told you where I work but didn’t share why I’m visiting a back alley doctor? How considerate.”

“You guys don’t get along too well, huh?” Sanny frowned at the direction this conversation was going, but there was nothing he could do but enjoy the ride.

“It’s...an on and off thing between us.” he just mumbled, desperate to avoid Viktor’s gaze. Lucky for Sanny, the ripper’s attention seemed to be entirely on the monitors in front of him.

“Just remember, kid,” Viktor said, finally turning to look at Sanny’s face. “she cares about you a lot. Wouldn’t bring you here if she didn’t.”

Sanny just hummed in response. Deep down, he knew the ripper was right, but the whole exchange only made him even more curious about what exactly Maria had been saying about him. It couldn’t be half as bad as he thought he deserved because not only had Viktor not kicked him out of the chair, but was even nice to him. Go figure.

“Alright then,” Viktor said, unplugging the younger man’s personal link. “had to do some cleaning in your CPU, you should be up and running in a few hours. Take this before going to bed for the night,” a strip of pills was placed in his hand “and in the future, watch what you plug your personal link into. I know you guys working in high end casinos get a fancy firewall as part of the package, but it’s not foolproof.

“It sure ain’t, doc. Thanks for the advice,” Sanny smiled, motioning to get up from the chair. “and everything else.”

Whatever Viktor did, the effect was immediate; the clinic was no longer swaying and his stomach didn’t threaten to twist itself inside out every time he moved his head. He still felt like he was experiencing a crescendo of the worst hangover of his life, but it was nothing that couldn’t be managed with a shower and a fresh change of clothes. Who knows, he might even get bold and eat something, though he still wasn’t sure about that one.

“Don’t mention it, I don’t often get the chance to tinker with Miyabi tech. And if you’re open to some more pieces of advice, you should be thanking your sister, not me.”

“I’ll make sure to do just that.”

“Should you run into more trouble with software, my clinic’s always open. I’ll send you the number, so don’t hesitate to give me a call.”

Did he just…? No fucking way, Sanny thought as he walked up the stairs, leaving the clinic behind.

                                                            ***

“So...how’re the Valentinos treatin’ you?”

“Actually, I…puta madre!” she shouted, blasting her hand against the car’s horn as she slammed the brakes to make her disdain loud and clear to the driver who tried to cut her off at the intersection. A litany of insults from the would-be culprit followed, another sound in a cacophony of Heywood’s streets. Maria shook her head, dark locks of her hair shaking with the movement like a swarm of angry bees. “I left.”

“And here I was thinking the position of the family’s black sheep was already taken.”

“Don’t ever think you’re the special one just because you shuffle cards for the big guys.”

“Oh, I could never. So what do you do now?”

“Independent. It took a while, but a friend got me hooked up with some reliable fixers.”

“A “friend”? Don’t tell me that on top of everything, you got yourself a man. Or a woman?”

Maria shot him a warning glare. “It’s nothing like that. Jackie just helped me get back on my feet, introduced me to some people. I’ve been fending for myself since then.”

“And how’s that working out for you?”

“Way better than for you. The hell did you do to piss off your corporate overlords?”

“All I can say for now is that you can leave Heywood, but Heywood never leaves you. Took one too many risks and all it did was land me before the one and only Akio Fukuzawa, who apparently doesn’t take kindly to humbled employees when his eddies are missing.”

“And yet here you are, still alive.”

“What can I say? I’m a charming guy.”

They spent the rest of the car ride in silence, Maria’s eyes fixed on the road, maroon painted nails tapping on the steering wheel in the rhythm of whatever was playing on the radio while Sanny pretended to be mesmerized by whatever they were passing on their way, in reality pulling up his comms interface to scroll through all the text messages he sent to fixers before the damn virus made it impossible to see straight. Almost all of them were left on read and unanswered. Sanny presumed they were bound to remain so. He didn’t have the reputation necessary to land any of the bigger contracts and no time to build it up before Fukuzawa’s minions showed up on his doorstep.

They parked in front of his building, mere centimeters away from bumping into a lampost. Sanny choked down a sigh. There was no escaping it now.

“Thanks, hermana. I owe you one,” he uttered, motioning to get out of the car. Just as he pushed the door open, his comms chimed with a text message from an unknown number. Getting out of the car, he waved to dismiss it, thinking it must be another of those spam chains that’d been flooding his inbox from time to time, but froze halfway through when his eyes landed on the text. The contract was vague on details, but the reward was crystal clear. Sanny could almost feel his jaw dropping as he looked at the impressive number of zeros that followed the first digit. It should be enough. More than enough to pay Fukuzawa off, even if, as per the fixer’s demand, he’ll have to cut the amount in half and share with a partner. He was so dumbfounded he didn’t hear Maria’s reply, or if she replied at all, but when he turned back one last time, she was eying him from head to toe suspiciously. Then she just shook her head slightly as if shushing away a thought.

“And Sanny?” she said, rolling down her window and shooting him a glare from behind her shades. “don’t you dare fuck my ripperdoc.”

[flamingphoenixfics]

Modern Niji Headcanons

Part two of my new blog celebration! ≧◉ᴥ◉≦

♠️ Requests Open ♠️

Vinsmoke Brothers x Modern AU - Niji Edition

⚡ A prime example of modern gamer boy trash, with the expensive setup and all. We are talking LED lights everywhere, multiple monitors, and a bad case of PC master race.

⚡ Despite his inability to get along with most people, Niji prefers to play team games. Seeing as he finds other people’s reactions to be half the fun. When left alone to play single player games he often finds himself getting bored with the lack of responses.

⚡ More often than not can be found raging at League of Legends, and you can’t convince me otherwise. 100% the guy to type GG EZ at the end of a match, even if it was a 50+ minute game.

⚡ His accounts usually get banned more often than not for some period of time, but it’s ok because he has multiple to fuel his toxic behavior. 

⚡ Like many he has tried to pursue a streamer career as a full time job, and actually saw a small amount of success. He became a staple in the toxic streamer community that had people watching to see what ridiculous things he would say next.  

⚡ Niji built his own pc, and won’t let you forget that fact. If he finds out you didn’t build your own he will talk down on you for it, and even if you did he would still judge your setup.  

⚡ You wouldn’t even have to ask, but he would rush to build a pc for you himself. Whether or not you even needed a new one to begin with, you were going to get a Niji custom creation. All for the sake of your praise and acknowledgement, as well as something to hold over you in the future. 

⚡ Even though it is just him building it, he is going to have you in the room to listen to him complain the whole time while doing something you didn’t even ask him to do. 

⚡ If you did ask for his help however, he is still going to complain but will get flustered every time you drop a quiet thank you to him. Before quickly recovering and responding with some snarky remark about how you should be thankful.

⚡ Bring him snacks, and drinks throughout the process and you may just earn yourself a self satisfied smile at the end of the day. Despite his abrasive personality if you feed into his self fulfilling prophecies he is going to do his best to keep you close. No matter how passive aggressive he tries to come off. 

⚡ He will always remind everyone of how they could not possibly survive without him. Niji has a strong complex built up of superiority, but also seeks constant validation that he is right in how he views himself. 

⚡ Niji is an instigator and finds great enjoyment out of starting chaos and then standing back to watch it explode. In school he was very quick to start gossip, and have a front row whenever fights broke out. That being said he is a real weasel when it comes to getting out of trouble in public, especially the club.

⚡ Despite being a gamer, he has the most active nightlife out of his brothers. He doesn’t have the attention span to spend long periods of time doing one thing, so he usually splits his day up with doing many different things.  

⚡ The most likely to start a bar fight, but then stand back and let Yonji, or whoever else is with him take the hits. If he sees an opportunity to make things more interesting he is never going to hesitate to take it. 

⚡ The king of one night stands. He gets bored easily, and finds the chase more fun than the actual reward. He views relationships a lot like a game, and once it runs out of content he just moves onto the next. 

⚡ The best chance of getting into a relationship with him would be someone who plays games with him, and is equally as independent. He does best in a friends with benefits situation, most likely with someone he met screwing around on discord.

⚡ Niji is quite independent, in the sense that he doesn’t want to feel tied down. However, if he finds a s/o who is even more independent he can become an attention whore trying to get them to acknowledge him. Going out of his way to try to make them see him as the center of their world. 

⚡ If you find yourself as Niji’s s/o be ready to have to go out with him every time he asks. He isn’t going to always ask you to go, but when he does you better say yes. If you say no there is a high risk that he will take it as a personal insult, and get into even more trouble. 

⚡ If you go with him he likes to flex you to others, mainly because he lives to see the surprise on others faces when someone as cool and nice as you is with an “asshole” like him. It makes him laugh, because he thinks he is the catch. 

⚡ If you say no however, depending on how far along the relationship is you raise the probability of him dumping you on the spot and going off to hookup with someone else.

⚡ Most likely to cheat out of all of his brothers, but if you cheat on him be ready for the most passive aggressive conversation of your life. If he even chooses to speak to you at all again. He has a high level of pride and if you do him dirty he is going to come back at you twice as hard. 

[bbmyungho]

Try Again - Yoongi

member/group: yoongi (suga)/bts

genre: fluff, a tiny bit of angst (???) if you squint

a/n: i’m sorry, i know this isn’t good, but i swear i’m trying, and i want to try to start incorporating more long fics into my masterlist (if that’s okay with you guys 👉👈). Anyways, here’s an only slightly corny Yoongi fic

“Hey y/n!”

I smiled at the sight of my friend, Hoseok, peeking his head out from one of the studios and waving me over frantically. “Hey, Hobi, whatcha doing?” I asked, coming nearer to the door.

“Nothing much, just working on a track. Come and listen!!” He said excitedly, not even giving me a chance to respond before he pulled me into the studio and shut the door as quietly as possible. I tensed immediately at the sight of Yoongi sitting in the desk chair next to Namjoon’s, the two murmuring between themselves before turning to see me being pulled into the room.

“Hey y/n.” Namjoon smiled and offered up a slight wave upon my arrival, which I of course returned, almost relaxing with the register of my friend’s presence. And then there was Yoongi: it wasn’t that he was mean or anything, just cold. In my roughly year and a half of working at BigHit, I’d exchanged maybe four or five words with the guy, even though I spent the majority of my time in the various studios fine tuning the production equipment and making sure IT was in check. I tried to avoid working on any equipment in his studio at the same time that he was there, but he spent so much time there, it was damn near impossible anyways. The other members had taken pretty well to me as they saw more and more of me, and they’d try to reassure me that it wasn’t anything personal, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe he just didn’t like me for whatever reason.

“Come sit! Give us your thoughts!” Hobi invited, taking his seat next to Joon and pulling up a chair for me. In between him and Yoongi. Great.

I took my seat and Joon pressed play on the track, him and Yoongi simultaneously falling back into their seats and shutting their eyes as they listened while Hoseok propped his head on his hand and stared at the track’s progression intently. I tried to mirror Yoongi and Joon, leaning back in my chair and concentrating fully on the music, allowing my mind to float on the member’s voices mingling while the bass washed over me warmly, leaving goosebumps up and down my arms and legs simultaneously. Even when the track finished, I had to sit and ponder it for a moment, let it stream through my head for a while. I wanted to hear it again as soon as it ended.

“Y/n? What’d you think?” I was snapped out of my euphoria following the track by Namjoon’s voice, opening my eyes to see the three men I’d been sitting with looking at me intently.

“Oh, um, good. It was good, I mean. Very good.” I offered a smile to Joon, allowing my gaze to drift over to Yoongi, but he’d already swiveled around in his chair to fiddle more with the track. “Uhh, I should probably be going now. I’m still on the clock, but thanks for letting me listen.” I said, standing from my chair and leaving amongst murmured farewells from Hoseok and Joon.

~

Come on, y/n, you’re an adult, he’s an adult. He won’t bite. I took in a deep breath, trying to draw up the courage to knock on the door to studio seven, the one that Yoongi frequented the most. He might make you slightly uncomfortable and act like he doesn’t even want you to be there because he definitely doesn’t, but he won’t bite.

I finally summoned up the courage to knock, once, twice, with no response. All of that for nothing. I took a quick peek inside to confirm that no one was home, letting out a breath I hadn’t been aware I was holding before making my way into the studio to work on the mic I had come for. It wasn’t registering properly on the monitors, so of course I had to be the one that fixed it; I swore, at this point, Yoongi was specifically asking for me to be the one to come fix his equipment because he knew he made me uncomfortable.

I made quick work of the offending mic, humming as I went, a smile gracing my features when I saw that the audio from my humming was registering on the monitor I’d turned to face me as I worked.

“Y/n, you have such a nice voice!!” I almost shat myself when Tae came on the mic, turning to see his smiling face through the window, Yoongi suppressing a laugh in the background at my mortified state.

“Jesus, Tae, thank you, but would it kill you to give me a little warning next time!!” I scolded, earning a pout from the boy as I walked out of the booth. “I, uh, fixed the mic for you, and I checked on the others, too. All of them should be fine now.” I said, just about unable to meet Yoongi’s eyes.

“Thanks, y/nie!!” Tae said, wrapping his arms around me from behind while I left my eyes trained on Yoongi.

“Yeah, thanks.” Yoongi muttered, just barely, but he was meeting my eyes and everything, and for some reason my heart skipped a beat when he did. All I could do was nod in response, not missing the small smirk that quirked up the side of his mouth. After an honestly uncomfortable amount of time just looking at Yoongi, Tae let me go and I shuffled out of the studio; I swore I could feel Yoongi’s stare on my back, but I chose not to put too much thought into it as I shut the door and scurried down the hall.

~

“Hey y/n, over here!” Namjoon called to me, the rest of the members choosing to simply scream in order to draw attention to themselves as I approached. 

“Hey guys!” I waved and smiled, Jungkook and Hobi immediately starting to pull me in their respective directions as soon as I got close enough for them to reach. I looked over, seeing Yoongi very blatantly rolling his eyes, a pit settling in my stomach as Jungkook finally won and pulled me to sit between him and Jimin. 

Lunch consisted of banter and excited chatter about the new songs they were working on, the usual, but something about Yoongi seemed...off. Like, more off than usual. Usually he just wouldn’t talk much, but now, he was being actively passive aggressive at best. Rolling his eyes, not even talking to the other members. They seemed to get touchier and louder in my ears, more than likely to make up for how Yoongi was behaving, but all I could hear was what Yoongi wasn’t saying. 

We’ve known each other for years and he’s at least tried to be civil until now, out at lunch, with everyone? My blood suddenly began boiling; I’d dealt with this same childish behavior for the past two years of my life, constantly stressing over every little thing I did around Yoongi, and now he was just giving up on at least trying to pretend like he could stand me. We were at lunch with some of the best friends I’d made in my adult life, and he was sitting there rolling his eyes and acting like I was such a bother for what. 

I’m not entirely sure what made everything come to a head right then, but I was just getting tired and I was trying to have a nice time, and I had to admit, even if he was a little bit of an asshole sometimes, I liked him and I wanted to be his friend; it just would’ve been nice if he could’ve tried to put the same energy towards me that I did him.

I stood up abruptly, causing the table’s eyes to shift to me, but I just grabbed my trash and went to throw it away. I felt bad for not offering to take anyone else’s while I was up or even just offering a laugh at whatever joke Hobi had just told, but I felt the need to just get out in the moment and I was honestly afraid I’d yell ‘why do you hate me so much?!’ right in Yoongi’s face if I didn’t leave right then. 

I wanted so badly to just run back to the studio and fix something. I wanted to repeatedly stab a screwdriver into a computer until it could just grow arms and program itself whenever it needed fixing. But I was stopped at the trash can by none other than the man of the hour, Yoongi. And he had the audacity to just reach around me like I wasn’t even there. 

“Why do you hate me so much?!” I demanded, a shocked look forming instantly on his face at my sudden courage. “Why are you rolling your eyes and acting like you couldn’t care less every time one of us so much as breathes? Must you be that childish? I’m trying to enjoy time with my friends, our friends, and you act like you wish I wasn’t there and it’s so blatantly obvious. What’d I ever do, Yoongi? Tell me!” I was shaking I was so angry, pressure building behind my eyes as tears threatened to spill. All he could do was stare at me with his jaw dropped, eyes widened. I turned to go back to the company’s main campus, leaving my bag for one of the other members to return to me later, but Yoongi grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, my head landing on something that I would register as his chest as he pulled me into a tight hug, one of the most comforting I’d ever been in.

“I don’t hate you, y/n. I’m sorry, I could never.” He said. I could feel now he was shaking too. “I’ve never hated you, I swear.” He pulled away.

“Then why are you such an asshole?” I whined. “Sometimes. Sometimes, I mean.” I added hurriedly, his jaw dropping again as he looked at me. 

“I...” He sighed. “The truth is... I like you. A lot. I’ve always thought you were cute, so I always requested you come to my studio, but I didn’t know how to talk to you. I figured if we spent enough time around each other, or around the other members at least, we’d eventually start talking, but I never got around to it, and I figured you just didn’t want me talking to you.” He said sheepishly, rubbing his neck as he shifted his weight between his feet.

“You... you what?” I asked. He chuckled quietly, eyes meeting mine again. 

“I like you. And I never got around to saying anything about it. I knew I intimidated you so I kinda just left it. Tried to give you your own space, y’know?” He said. “I kinda thought it was cute, actually, how shy you got whenever you noticed I was there, too. But, I never thought I was actually making you angry or anything.” 

“I-” I stood there, mouth agape, opening and closing it like a fish, unable to comprehend all of the information that had just been thrown at me. “I, yeah, I uh- I didn’t know it was making me angry, either.” I laughed bitterly, staring at him in shock. “I guess it was just something about today. You were actually expressing distaste for me-”

“Not for you, the members.” He laughed. I stared at him, silently urging him to continue. “They, uh, they’ve been teasing me because you’re, like, afraid of me and I guess they were trying to make me jealous or whatever. I mean, I guess I am kinda out of the game at this point.” He said, with only the slightest tinge of bitterness to it. That’s why they were being extra touchy today.

“Well, you’re not completely out of the game.” I said just barely above a whisper, almost causing Yoongi to choke on his own spit. “I was just pissed because of your attitude specifically today, but I do want to be your friend at least. Maybe more, not gonna lie.” I bobbed up and down on my feet, taking in Yoongi’s reaction as he processed my words.

“Well,” he cleared his throat, “if I’m not out of the game, could I maybe, take you out to dinner sometime? Without the others stealing all of your attention?” He bargained. I smiled.

“Of course.”

[sextonsharpwinhalstead]

Ava Bekker

Hey you! Are you bored? Great me too, I’ve given this more time than I should, but I’ll say this. Bravo Med. They are not known for doing long plots, they are known for doing a thing and then promptly forgetting the thing. But not with this story. Med has never had a true antagonistic character. Until Ava Bekker.

In the Med fandom she has almost always been maligned, hated, shit-on, and fans are constantly asking for her to be taken off the show. I have no idea if this has shaped the current story for her, but it makes it a bit more interesting. Even more interesting has been the ushering of new blogs on this sight and others who use her face and likeness to celebrate her. But I always wonder what they are celebrating. I’ll give you a clue; It rhymes with her last name.

At some point when the show announced that Norma was being added to the cast, they also mentioned that she would have sexual tension/be a love interest, you know cause, Med can’t hold water. Please remember that statement going forward.

That was it for some of you, so excited to see what would happen with your favorite male protagonist and the new pretty white woman, you were so excited that you stopped paying attention, like almost immediately, to her behavior. Rose colored glasses.

To be fair Med has worked harder than it ever has in order to pull the wool over our eyes. But let me help you see some things.

The very first time we meet Ava it’s pretty clear by her composure and the ever-present smug look on her face that she has an ego. She talks down to anyone who isn’t a surgeon (Ethan) and immediately bumps heads with Connor, who in my opinion over reacted to her comment about Latham. She is set up as a rival and that’s what it seems she is until AFTER she operates on Robin. Ava claims that people in the hospital have been gossiping and she found out all the dirt on Connor that way. I could buy maybe finding out about Robin that way, but Dr. Latham would not entertain gossip in his OR.

What I think actually happened?

Ava took a tour around the hospital noticed an entire wing bearing the name Rhodes and now wanted to know more about the rising star at Med. So, she approaches him in THE most inappropriate and sexual harassing way. She casually brings up his mother’s suicide like she’s talking about buying bread, disrespects his relationship to Dr. Downey and his memory, and then insults the woman she just assisted in operating on, Connor’s girlfriend. Connor lets it’s roll off his back cause if you hadn’t noticed that’s how Connor is, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t upset or offended. She sums it all up by saying all this tragedy is because of him (blaming the victim) and then she does something so off, she says she’s into dangerous men. At this point SHE is the instigator and has made eyes at him (basically since they met).

Connor’s face is NOT intrigued. It’s the same looks he’s been giving her as of late. A feeling of wondering who she is, not because he’s intimidated but because he’s offended, alarmed, and reminding himself to stay cautious. If this feels like a stretch pretend the roles were reversed and Ava was a man and Connor was a woman. Does that scene still seem like a hot couple on the rise? Or a creep who has already crossed a social boundary in the first 5 hours of meeting someone.

From here on out Ava is painted in a confusing manner. She seems to try her best to undermine Connor in their “rivalry” over getting surgeries. She NEVER truly wins. She’s also failing to deal with HER sexual attraction to HIM. Connor NEVER flirts with her, in fact he explicitly states that he wants nothing to do with her and would not like to spend his free time with her. This is after she asks him to get a drink, a request she badgers him with even after he makes it clear he isn’t interested. Once again, reverse the roles, a man who does nothing but question your intelligence all day, makes snide comments about your significant other’s mental health, or your ability to take care of them; then propositions you for a drink. You’d think he was a sleazebag.

But it’s not all negative, Ava realizes she can’t get honey with vinegar, so she makes all the attempts to be nice, but why be nice to the person who’s been an asshole to you? Which is why Connor isn’t, plus it’s obvious she wants to get into his pants and he’s not going to encourage anything, even friendship. Remember ladies, this is probably what you too would do in a sexual harassment scenario.

Then Robin leaves. Connor goes on a sexual bender NONE that include Ava. She is somewhat passive aggressive in her nature with him at this point. This is the part of the story that snowed EVERYONE. She seemed “okay” with it until they made out in the breakroom, went home and had vanilla sex. Whatever, you know it was missionary don’t @ me. But by the next morning she feels like it’s a mistake. This is when I began to side-eye her, never believing we’d be where we are now, but it was wild.

Think about it, this doctor who has been wildly inappropriate (even in front of a patient) FINALLY sleeps with the man she’s been after since day one and now she’s calling time. You could say that sleeping with him was the realization that she had crossed a line that was only meant to be flirty, but I don’t think so.

The line she crossed was one of her mental health. See I have a theory. This is NOT Ava’s first time dealing with obsessive thoughts and behavior revolving around a person. I think she knew she was falling into a dangerous territory.

The only reason I theorize this is because of the hints they give about Ava’s empathy around patients being bed-ridden and unable to live their lives. One could empathize if they had been stuck in a room unable to leave…like in a padded cell.

Also, one line she told a patient: “I believe that whenever you do something out of love, it can’t never really be wrong.”

We aren’t going to discuss the “Steal a win” or even “The means justify the end” because we’ve all seen it. I rather focus on what everyone forgot.

Fast forward to the last half of season 3. Ava is playing nicely with Connor, he is falling in love with her, saying things like “We make a good team” and “Good job in there” but that pesky attending spot is still a point of contention. After his epic failure saving a mother and baby it looks like Ava is going to clench the spot. But he comes in and saves the surgery. Securing a spot at Med AND Mayo. This should make Ava happy, but we’re led to believe she’s hurt doubly because he’s bested her (again) and she’s losing the man she loves. But more than anything I think this episode shows she’s beginning to lose it.

Now let’s get into the premiere. It’s obvious that he wants to stay, and she wants him to stay. He is still putting himself out there and she is still playing aloof. Until he REALLY looks like he’s leaving, a party is thrown, and he has said his goodbyes. But Ava has a trick up her sleeve.  We all know what it is. It’s the first time she does something to control his actions. THIS IS NOT LOVE. THIS IS ABUSE.

The only way Ava has not slept with Connor’s dad (for money) cut herself (to play on his need to save the day) and snitch on him to the board (so she could save him) is if the show is REALLY using the whole “she doesn’t know how to express her feelings” story line but it doesn’t make much sense, maybe in season 3, but now? It isn’t plausible. Ava fits into an OLD diagnosis.

“Obsessive love disorder” (OLD) refers to a condition where you become obsessed with one person you think you may be in love with. You might feel the need to protect your loved one obsessively, or even become controlling of them as if they were a possession.

What are the symptoms of obsessive love disorder?

Symptoms of OLD may include:

·        an overwhelming attraction to one person

·        obsessive thoughts about the person

·        feeling the need to “protect” the person you’re in love with

·        possessive thoughts and actions

·        extreme jealousy over other interpersonal interactions

·        low self-esteem

  I could write a dissertation on how Ava fits all of these. She was immediately attracted to Connor and intensely.

Connor is the only person she interacts with and the only person she discusses almost all the time. We never hear about her life or if she even has one. No holidays with family. Nothing.

The last episode illustrates that as well as her stepping up to the plate to take the blame too.

The last two are going to be seen when Robin shows up. It’s already in the synopsis about her being jealous, and jealously is often accompanied by possessiveness.

Most of these actions accumulate to low self-esteem…

Oh, and lookout for these in the future:

People who have OLD may also not take rejection easily. In some cases, the symptoms could worsen at the end of a relationship or if the other person rejects you. There are other signs of this disorder, such as:

·        repeated texts, emails, and phone calls to the person they’re interested in

·        a constant need for reassurance

·        difficulty having friendships or maintaining contact with family members because of the obsession over one person

·        monitoring the actions of the other person

·        controlling where the other person goes and the activities they engage in

  However, as much as I believe they are going down this route I don’t completely agree with it. Why is that all the women on the show “go crazy”? Especially around Connor.

His mother jumped off a building (she was married to Cornelius so there’s that).

Robin was literally institutionalized and had a complete breakdown in front of her colleagues at the hospital, messing with her sense of integrity and self, and ultimately being the end of their relationship.

And of course, Sarah, who could forget the “How are we supposed to do our jobs if we don’t feel safe Maggie!” scream heard round the ED and of course, tazering a patient.

Somehow, they’ve managed to make the men seem sound even when they have issues.

When Ethan is ready to tackle his PTSD it’s done in the safety of Daniel’s office and intimate chats with Vicky.

Daniel’s is the same, he contacts his psychiatrist on a lovely walk and apologizes to Sarah for his behavior stemming from his depression; no harm no foul.

Even Will, whose behavior is supposed to be “erratic” the last couple of episodes is really just season 1 Will and not anything indicative of needing help.

I don’t like being right, well in this case, a little. But normally when I am its Med letting me down. Med has always been as subtle as a sledgehammer. They can almost NEVER keep a secret, they don’t trust their fans. So, most of you aren’t used to being kept in the dark. I can’t even begin to tell you how sad that just made me to write that. The fact is there is NOTHING to explain her behavior that will make you feel good. No matter how you spin it Ava slept with his father. She did. Ava got mad at Connor for not listening to her and cut herself on his blade; purposely. She did. Ava is the one who anonymously turned him in. She did. Ava is the one who sees herself as a victim, and Connor as ungrateful for everything she has “done” for him. She truly believes she’s is doing the right thing and that’s what makes her so delusional and dangerous. Take a breath, a walk, get a drink. But get good with the fact that the character you love isn’t stable and probably never has been.

[thetldrplace]

Law of Repression

Confront your dark side.

More often than not, people are not who they seem to be. We all have a dark side, with selfish, aggressive impulses that we hide from the public view to fit in and feel respected and liked. Carl Jung referred to this side as the shadow. It can leak out in times of insecurity or stress. Our dark side tends to reveal itself more as we get older.  

Notable Signs of the Dark Side Contradictory Behavior- a person that preaches the rules but then breaks them.

Emotional Outbursts- a person who loses self-control easily

Vehement Denial- For example, a person who argues against homosexuality but secretly desires it.  

Over-Idealization- a person who uses a good cause to act in a bad manner.

Accidental Behavior- a person who gets drunk and reveals their true emotions

Projection- accusing someone else of ill motives when in fact that is what drives them.

Compensatory Traits In order to conceal the shadow, we develop compensatory traits, that cover up the opposite traits we want to keep hidden. The most common are:

The Tough Guy- giving off an intimidating side to cover up vulnerabilities.

The Saint- exudes goodness and purity, but abuses power if given it.

The Fanatic- Impresses with drive and dedication but usually fails to deliver on promises.  

The Snob- exerts superiority from fear of mediocrity.  

The Passive-Aggressive Charmer- Outwardly very nice, but mean behind your back.

The Rigid Rationalist- Use intellect to bully those they feel aren't as smart.  

The Extreme Entrepeneur- Lots of attention to detail and seems to value independence, but are unable to listen to others or delegate. They secretly want others to take care of them.  

Explore the Shadow When you become conscious of the shadow and bring it out into the light, it loses its power. You can then control, channel, or integrate it into your life. Doing this brings a more authentic, creative side to life. Follow these steps:

1) See the Shadow- identify and monitor what things makes you touchy and insecure. What causes the shadow to show itself, and what are you trying to hide?

2) Embrace the Shadow- Don't repress or ignore this part of your personality.  

3) Explore the Shadow- explore the dark impulses and animalistic nature. If it shows up in dark thoughts, don't try to ignore it. Play with the ideas and channel the energy into your work.  

4) Show the Shadow- Use the shadow as an ally if people get in the way. Respect your own opinions more, and other's less. Be more assertive and compromise less. Care less about what people think of you. Don't be afraid to use the shadow at times to offend or even hurt people that have bad intentions or unjustly criticize.

The more you repress the shadow, the darker and uglier it gets.

______________

My notes:

Learning to repress the dark side of our human natures is part of growing up into productive members of civilized society. Small children would smash each other's faces to get the toy they want, but that gets disciplined out of us in time. (Or at least... it should...) This isn't unnatural or bad, it's what is necessary. But in all of us there is, underneath a pretty thin veneer of civilization, a pretty vile animal that has, and should be, repressed. Some of the language, at least of this summary ( I haven't read the full book, so maybe Greene discusses this in more detail within), makes it sound like we repress these impulses merely for status reasons. But those that DON'T learn to repress these are what we call criminals and we typically put them in jail. So it's more than just status, or wanting others to like us, that drives this.

That said, I do think it's important to acknowledge them and I like the idea of channeling rather than denial.  

Another note on a few of the notable signs of the dark side, particularly the contradictory behavior and vehement denial traits: this is often called hypocrisy, and fair enough, it can be. But at the same time, there are all sorts of behaviors we can both enjoy AND recognize as wrong, or at least, not beneficial. For example, I can know I need to go on a diet and drop a few kilos, but also enjoy junk food and over-eating. I can know watching porn is bad- can lead to addiction and perversions of how I view women, and yet still be attracted to it. Yeah, I suppose that can be called hypocritical, but what's the alternative? Am I going to say stuffing my face is OK, just because I like it? I know better than that. It's just the truth that eating moderately is a better choice. Saying so is clearly true and right, even if I don't like restraining my appetite.  

I do like the idea of exploring and channeling these impulses. One of the things, as a christian, that I recognize is that what we call sins, are perversions of something that is good. We are created as sexual beings. There is a good avenue for that, and there is a bad avenue for that. Hebrews says the marriage bed is undefiled. So God created an avenue for our sexuality. Within that context, have fun. Giving yourself to that person is a deep, deep bond. Ephesians even says it is analog to Jesus and the church- making yourself available and being filled, wanting to have every part of that other person. But there are all kinds of ways in which this can be abused too. Someone who arrives at the conclusion that 'sex is bad' because of abuses has missed the point. There are valid outlets, and invalid outlets. So in this sense, I can completely get on board with figuring out what the dark aspects are, understanding where they stem from, and channeling them in a way that's productive, according to what they were designed to accomplish.

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8 Common Words You Don't Know Are Making You Sound Unreliable

Communication becomes more casual every day. Ten years ago, we never would have felt comfortable including a smiley face in an email to our boss, but now in 2017, that seems less unprofessional.

While speaking and writing tend to have different guidelines, we still tend to have more fillers when speaking vs. typing a social media post or a quick message to a coworker. When we speak, we tend to allow ourselves more fillers; I’ll never forget the time one of my professors in college asked us to count the number of times we said, “like” in one day. Maybe I was hyper-aware, but the number was astronomical.

While it may seem like a small thing at first, the amount of times we use filler words like “um” or “like” in a conversation can make us appeal unreliable, no matter how educated or dependable we may be.

Your Word Choice Reflects Your Personality

It’s no surprise that word choice and expression says a lot about someone’s personality, but even the regularity in which words or word categories are used can speak volumes about a person.

Psychologist James W. Pennebaker of the University of Texas at Austin is one of many experts who assert that the way a person expresses thought reveals character. Any time a person speaks, they make choices – choices regarding appropriate nouns and verbs. Those small aspects are part of a bigger context which can provide clues into an individual’s large-scale behaviors [1]. Some researchers are so fascinated by this that they have created software to monitor a person’s word choice in order to predict the way they will act in the future.

8 Toxic Words to Avoid

Here is a list of words to limit in daily conversation. I promise you all it takes is a once-over and you’ll suddenly realize how often you’re saying every single one of them!

Al Verbs: Might, Should, Maybe and Would

While these are some of the most common verbs in the english language, all they do is make the speaker sound unsure of himself. Modal Verbs include, “Might,” “should,” “maybe,” and “would.” While these verbs are easy to include in casual conversation, think about how insincere it makes a friend sound when you invite them to hang out and they reply with something like, “Yeah, maybe. I might have something going on, but I’ll let you know…” The next time you find yourself wanting to use this kind of verb, allow yourself a short pause and mentally delete the words when uttering the sentence. It’ll feel unnatural at first, but before long you’ll be a pro.

Ok

I think we can all agree this is one of the most annoying responses to get when texting someone. Second only to “k,” “Ok” is such a blah response. It makes you sound indifferent and unsure. Plus it’s not even a descriptive term! It basically means “satisfactory.” Who wants that? In text form, it can read like the end of a conversation or even a passive aggressive way to try to be agreeable. These two letters serve as a self-protecting mechanism to avoid giving concrete statements that could be hurtful. If someone asks for your opinion and you regularly offer “Yeah, it’s ok” to avoid hurting them, then you need to understand why it’s not ok to say ok !

Awesome

This word is tricky. If someone tells you about an incredible trip they just took and you respond with, “Wow! That sounds awesome!” you’re probably being sincere. But if you tend to offer up this word regularly, you probably sound a little dense. Sorry! Saying “Awesome!” all the time makes people feel like you don’t have any of your own opinions. I know, I know, it’s just a word. But think about it for a second: When was the last time you were having a conversation and your friend seemed to say “awesome,” “oh wow. Awesome,” and “cool” after every other sentence? I’ve been in that situation before and it was really frustrating! I didn’t doubt that my friend actually felt that everything I was saying was “awesome,” but the overuse of the word became insincere quickly and made me want to stop sharing my story. It’s a vague word and usually over-exaggerated. I’d rather someone use multiple words to show enthusiasm or give me a compliment than just recycle one word over and over.

Um

Perhaps the most common filler word, “um” is, um, super, um, annoying! I hate to tell you this, but you probably say it so much more often than you realize. For one full day, try to keep a mental tally of how, um, often you, um say, “um.” It’s going to shock you. Even if you’re an intelligent person, overuse of the word makes you seem a bit delayed when it comes to processing thoughts. It’s simple enough to replace it. Instead of saying, “um,” try: “Let me think for a while.” You’re accomplishing the same goal, but the longer sentence gives you a proactive appearance and proves you want to take control the situation.

Like

Stop. Using. This. Filler. Word. If you have ever tried to sit through an hour of reality TV, then you know the word, “like” is the most common word (like) ever. If you’re oblivious enough to have never noticed it, you’re lucky. Once you start noticing, you can’t stop. The filler word makes you sound childish and it usually isn’t a necessary filler. While you could replace it with “such as” or something similar, if you really analyze a sentence before you speak it, you’ll find you don’t need it at all.

Actually

This word actually isn’t necessary in a majority of situations. The word itself tends to give the impression that whatever was uttered before was not true. If you take the time to look at sentences with this word, you’ll find that nearly all of them can be deleted without changing the meaning/message, while it makes the tone stronger and more direct. For example: The word choices you make can go a long way in showing the kind of person you are. Actually, word choices can predict the kind of person you can be in a conversation. The statement is redundant.

Sorry

This apology can make you seem weak and insecure if used in the wrong context. While you should always want to apologize if a situation warrants it, using “sorry” too often or even habitually can lead to you seeming embarrassed and afraid. If you’re actually wanting to apologize for something, feel free to use the word. But if you’re embarrassed or nervous, explain those emotions in different terms.

Hopefully

While the word itself seems like it should be optimistic, it actually has the opposite effect: using this word implies you aren’t determined or confident enough! For example, if you were my boss and you asked that I have something done and on your desk in two hours, which response would you rather hear from me:

No problem. I’ll take care of that now and get it back to you shortly.

Ok, sure. Hopefully it takes me a little less than two hours. I’ll bring it by when I’m done.

The second response doesn’t say outright that I won’t have the task completed, but it sure doesn’t seem confident. Hopefully means you don’t feel in control of something or confident enough you can create a change. In life, it will sometimes be necessary to be hopeful rather than overly confident, but when it comes to work situations, try to avoid the word as best you can.

The great thing about the list above is that it doesn’t take much effort to implement. In fact, all that’s required to stop using these unreliable-sounding words is self-awareness. Today is a new day. Be present in all conversations and realize how often you’re using the words listed. Then take the steps to replace them and ultimately delete them from casual chats and messages. You’ll be amazed at what a difference it makes.

Reference

[1]^Scientific American: What Your Choice of Words Says about Your Personality

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8 Common Words You Don't Know Are Making You Sound Unreliable

Communication becomes more casual every day. Ten years ago, we never would have felt comfortable including a smiley face in an email to our boss, but now in 2017, that seems less unprofessional.

While speaking and writing tend to have different guidelines, we still tend to have more fillers when speaking vs. typing a social media post or a quick message to a coworker. When we speak, we tend to allow ourselves more fillers; I’ll never forget the time one of my professors in college asked us to count the number of times we said, “like” in one day. Maybe I was hyper-aware, but the number was astronomical.

While it may seem like a small thing at first, the amount of times we use filler words like “um” or “like” in a conversation can make us appeal unreliable, no matter how educated or dependable we may be.

Your Word Choice Reflects Your Personality

It’s no surprise that word choice and expression says a lot about someone’s personality, but even the regularity in which words or word categories are used can speak volumes about a person.

Psychologist James W. Pennebaker of the University of Texas at Austin is one of many experts who assert that the way a person expresses thought reveals character. Any time a person speaks, they make choices – choices regarding appropriate nouns and verbs. Those small aspects are part of a bigger context which can provide clues into an individual’s large-scale behaviors [1]. Some researchers are so fascinated by this that they have created software to monitor a person’s word choice in order to predict the way they will act in the future.

8 Toxic Words to Avoid

Here is a list of words to limit in daily conversation. I promise you all it takes is a once-over and you’ll suddenly realize how often you’re saying every single one of them!

Al Verbs: Might, Should, Maybe and Would

While these are some of the most common verbs in the english language, all they do is make the speaker sound unsure of himself. Modal Verbs include, “Might,” “should,” “maybe,” and “would.” While these verbs are easy to include in casual conversation, think about how insincere it makes a friend sound when you invite them to hang out and they reply with something like, “Yeah, maybe. I might have something going on, but I’ll let you know…” The next time you find yourself wanting to use this kind of verb, allow yourself a short pause and mentally delete the words when uttering the sentence. It’ll feel unnatural at first, but before long you’ll be a pro.

Ok

I think we can all agree this is one of the most annoying responses to get when texting someone. Second only to “k,” “Ok” is such a blah response. It makes you sound indifferent and unsure. Plus it’s not even a descriptive term! It basically means “satisfactory.” Who wants that? In text form, it can read like the end of a conversation or even a passive aggressive way to try to be agreeable. These two letters serve as a self-protecting mechanism to avoid giving concrete statements that could be hurtful. If someone asks for your opinion and you regularly offer “Yeah, it’s ok” to avoid hurting them, then you need to understand why it’s not ok to say ok !

Awesome

This word is tricky. If someone tells you about an incredible trip they just took and you respond with, “Wow! That sounds awesome!” you’re probably being sincere. But if you tend to offer up this word regularly, you probably sound a little dense. Sorry! Saying “Awesome!” all the time makes people feel like you don’t have any of your own opinions. I know, I know, it’s just a word. But think about it for a second: When was the last time you were having a conversation and your friend seemed to say “awesome,” “oh wow. Awesome,” and “cool” after every other sentence? I’ve been in that situation before and it was really frustrating! I didn’t doubt that my friend actually felt that everything I was saying was “awesome,” but the overuse of the word became insincere quickly and made me want to stop sharing my story. It’s a vague word and usually over-exaggerated. I’d rather someone use multiple words to show enthusiasm or give me a compliment than just recycle one word over and over.

Um

Perhaps the most common filler word, “um” is, um, super, um, annoying! I hate to tell you this, but you probably say it so much more often than you realize. For one full day, try to keep a mental tally of how, um, often you, um say, “um.” It’s going to shock you. Even if you’re an intelligent person, overuse of the word makes you seem a bit delayed when it comes to processing thoughts. It’s simple enough to replace it. Instead of saying, “um,” try: “Let me think for a while.” You’re accomplishing the same goal, but the longer sentence gives you a proactive appearance and proves you want to take control the situation.

Like

Stop. Using. This. Filler. Word. If you have ever tried to sit through an hour of reality TV, then you know the word, “like” is the most common word (like) ever. If you’re oblivious enough to have never noticed it, you’re lucky. Once you start noticing, you can’t stop. The filler word makes you sound childish and it usually isn’t a necessary filler. While you could replace it with “such as” or something similar, if you really analyze a sentence before you speak it, you’ll find you don’t need it at all.

Actually

This word actually isn’t necessary in a majority of situations. The word itself tends to give the impression that whatever was uttered before was not true. If you take the time to look at sentences with this word, you’ll find that nearly all of them can be deleted without changing the meaning/message, while it makes the tone stronger and more direct. For example: The word choices you make can go a long way in showing the kind of person you are. Actually, word choices can predict the kind of person you can be in a conversation. The statement is redundant.

Sorry

This apology can make you seem weak and insecure if used in the wrong context. While you should always want to apologize if a situation warrants it, using “sorry” too often or even habitually can lead to you seeming embarrassed and afraid. If you’re actually wanting to apologize for something, feel free to use the word. But if you’re embarrassed or nervous, explain those emotions in different terms.

Hopefully

While the word itself seems like it should be optimistic, it actually has the opposite effect: using this word implies you aren’t determined or confident enough! For example, if you were my boss and you asked that I have something done and on your desk in two hours, which response would you rather hear from me:

No problem. I’ll take care of that now and get it back to you shortly.

Ok, sure. Hopefully it takes me a little less than two hours. I’ll bring it by when I’m done.

The second response doesn’t say outright that I won’t have the task completed, but it sure doesn’t seem confident. Hopefully means you don’t feel in control of something or confident enough you can create a change. In life, it will sometimes be necessary to be hopeful rather than overly confident, but when it comes to work situations, try to avoid the word as best you can.

The great thing about the list above is that it doesn’t take much effort to implement. In fact, all that’s required to stop using these unreliable-sounding words is self-awareness. Today is a new day. Be present in all conversations and realize how often you’re using the words listed. Then take the steps to replace them and ultimately delete them from casual chats and messages. You’ll be amazed at what a difference it makes.

Reference

[1]^Scientific American: What Your Choice of Words Says about Your Personality

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