#and then react and capitalize on each one

[slunch]

"good strategies until someone fucks up" is the neutral game in smash, yeah (isn't that every fighting game?). i guess it depends on how you define fucking up though, like there's bad positioning and then there's misinputs since melee has no input buffer so playing it is like driving a stickshift car that hates you. if you're good you can put yourself in a position to capitalize on both when the opponent fucks up and not constantly toss out super risky things yourself (either in terms of recovery frames on the move or technical difficulty).

as for the roster/countermeasure issue, i think melee specifically doesn't suffer from it as much just because there are like 6 viable guys and the game's been out for 20 years with no balance patches. there are definitely noob killer moves like falco laser spamming, but once you get to a certain level other people exploit your dependence on that.

ultimate is different though, i see that and it's like ok, this isn't even a competitive game lol

how tf are smash players supposed to talk about their game without like actual consistent frame scenarios. like if im having trouble with say lili im able to verbalize why, this is putting me at X so i cant do that much. in smash youre just like Oh man this guys annoying

[inkskinned]

hello. you left a neon pink post-it with pgs 194-359 due 9/12 in the book, by the way. it is now May 23rd and the library's printer is running out of ink. it jammed and tore my passport application. one of the librarians dutifully blacked out all my information (front and back!) before proceeding to use every unmarred inch as scrap paper.

i think maybe our (plural, inclusive) lives are connected. all of them. i have been thinking a lot about borrowing. about how people move through the world in waves, filling in the same spaces. i have probably stood on the same subway platform as you. we held the same book. all of us stand in the same line at the grocery, at the gas station. how many feet have stood washing dishes in my kitchen?

i hope you are doing well. the pen you used was a nice red, maybe a glitter pen? you have loopy, curling handwriting. i sometimes wonder if it is true that you can tell a personality by the shape of our letters. i'm borrowing my brother's car. he's got scrangly engineer handwriting (you know the one). it's a yellow-orange ford mustang boss. when i got out of the building, some kids were posing with it for a selfie. i felt a little bird grow in me and had to pause and pretend to be busy with my phone to give them more time for their laughing.

i have a habit of asking people what's the last good book you read? the librarian's handwriting on the back of my smeared-and-chewed passport application says the glass house in small undercase. i usually go for fantasy/sci fi, but she was glowing when she suggested it. i found your post-it on page 26, so i really hope you didn't have to read up to 359 in that particular book. i hope you're like me and just have a weird "random piece of trash" "bookmark" that somehow makes it through like, 58 books.

i wish the concept of soul mates was bigger. i wish it was about how my soul and your soul are reading the same work. how i actually put down that book at the same time you did - page 26 was like, all exposition. i wish we were soul mates with every person on the same train. how magical to exist and borrow the same space together. i like the idea that somewhere, someone is using the shirts i donated. i like the idea that every time i see a nice view and say oh gosh look at the view, you (plural, inclusive) said that too.

the kids hollered when i beeped the car. oh dude you set off the alarm, oh shit is she - dude that's her car!! one was extremely polite. "i like your car, Miss. i'm sorry we touched it." i said i wasn't busy, finish up the pictures. i folded your post-it into a paper crane while i waited. i thought about how my brother's a kind person but his handwriting looks angry. i thought about how for an entire year i drove someone to work every day - and i didn't even think to ask for gas money. my handwriting is straight capital letters.

i thought about how i can make a paper crane because i was taught by someone who was taught by someone else.

the kids asked me to rev the engine and you know i did. the way they reacted? you would have thought i brought the sun from the sky and poured it into a waterglass. i went home smiling about it. i later gave your post it-turned-bird to a tiny child on the bus. she put it in her mouth immediately.

how easy, standing in your shadow, casting my own. how our hands pass over each other in the same minor folds. i wonder how many of the same books you and i have read. i wonder how many people have the same favorite six songs or have been in the same restaurant or have attended the same movie premier. the other day i mentioned the Book Mill from a small town in western massachusetts - a lot of people knew of it. i wonder if i've ever passed you - and didn't even notice it.

i hope whatever i leave behind makes you happy. i hope my hands only leave gentle prints. i hope you and i get the same feeling when the sun comes out. soulmates across all of it.

[eldritchamy]

I think I've figured out a good way to articulate one of the reasons Human Domestication Guide is hitting for me in a way really not much else has done for a long time.

HDG is an inverse fandom.

Whereas a lot of fanfiction (maybe just for the sake of the pun we can expand outwards, wink, and call them "transformative works") takes at the core of its nature a specific character or group of characters, and then transplants (sorry, I had to) those characters into Alternate Universes in order to keep telling altered, revised, and original stories with those CHARACTERS, while changing everything else, HDG does the opposite.

It takes the SETTING as the core defining feature, and creates original CHARACTERS in order to tell original stories.

And that's really cool for reasons that, of course, ended up becoming another gigantic one of Amy's Patented Infodump Posts.

Most fanfiction gets to appeal to its audience because of the associations and attachments readers have for the CHARACTERS, and then create a new story from there without having to spend time setting up WHO THE STORY IS ABOUT for you. I don't say this as a bad thing, that's just the attraction. The readers bring their attachment to the characters WITH them before they start reading.

HDG gets to assume you understand the SETTING as a basic premise, and then tell new stories with original characters without having to hold your hand through as much of the set up work, because you already know the SETTING going in.

So instead of discovering how the characters you know relate to a world you don't (and to each other within that context), you get stories where you get to discover who the characters ARE, in the context of a world you already understand.

It's not "what does a different setting do to these characters." It's "how do different people navigate this setting."

You get to meet and learn and identify with the CHARACTERS because you see how they as unique people react to a set premise.

So much of what I've read so far has done exceptional work establishing who the characters are, even making MINOR characters within the story feel like fleshed out people.

You'd think in a setting that takes at face value the premise of humanity being subjugated and doted on by a species that uses mind control drugs to turn them into docile, obedient pets, the stories would struggle a bit with sameness as the individuality of the characters failed to shine through or were inevitably suppressed over the course of the plot.

In practice, it seems like almost the OPPOSITE is true.

The Affini always win. But every character chooses to lose to them in a different way that speaks to who they are as people.

Getting to explore these unique stories through the eyes of unique characters seems like it's making it EASIER to latch on to what makes THESE characters the focus of the stories being told.

And so far the stories being told are fucking great, and have such a huge range to them.

The original story for the setting is a VERY non consensual medfet/drug play subjugation story where Elvira (captain of a ship for the Free Terran feralist rebellion) is ABSOLUTELY brought into domestication by force (at first), and we get to see the PROCESS of her being broken down and becoming something new over the course of (what we later learn has been ONLY) about three weeks. She's not the same person she was at the start of the story. At all. She's been utterly replaced by a new identity and personality that the old version of her would never have accepted. (Also it's kinda hot that it's actually good for her, and that she very much DOES end up happier for it. She's still Elvira. But she's safe, and she's loved.)

That's a pretty specific vibe for a story.

But the next story I read in the setting takes place over the course of several hours in-universe, and basically follows a dysfunctional, clearly neurodivergent woman stagnating in the limbo of having been failed by capitalism (or in her mind, failing at it) and having mixed feelings about the staggeringly powerful alien civilization that is currently part way through conquering her planet and its people.

The story starts off when she's so hungry after scraping through what scant, nutritionless garbage she was able to find in the capitalist dystopia that it finally overrides her fear, and she goes to the border of Affini-controlled territory in her city. She figures, they're going to do whatever they're going to do to the rest of the city within a few days anyway, so there's no sense pretending whatever outcome she's walking into wasn't inevitable, and even if it's not as good as the Affini promise, at least it's not what she's been stuck in. Fear of sameness finally becomes more traumatic than fear of change.

She proceeds to go on an adorable lesbian grocery date with a 10 foot tall plant that gently flirts with her while remaining very firm that all of this human's needs CAN and SHOULD and WILL be taken care of FOR her from now on, and it's OKAY that she has trouble focusing because it's OKAY that some people need more help than others.

She spends several chapters experiencing repeated Lesbian Bluescreens because of this sweet, doting alien who insists it's no trouble at all and she's happy to help. Then said alien takes her back to her apartment on the human side to make sure she feels safe getting there through the anti-Affini protests, and then in a matter of minutes she has cleaned this girl's entire disaster of an apartment and promised to cook her a nice Terran pizza.

Then the girl has a lesbian panic attack while coming to terms with how much misery she didn't have to be living with, and whether this future isn't exactly what she always hoped for and more, so the alien offers to give her some alien drugs to calm her down, and her now fuzzy brain accidentally crumbles under the weight of all the secret petplay fantasies that have been turning her face red all morning and she accidentally calls the alien "Mistress", and then she goes home to THEIR place back in Affini territory with her new owner and gets absolutely spoiled until she falls asleep feeling safe and loved for the first time in her life.

COMPLETE tonal shift from the original story, but the LOGIC of the story is fully consistent with the setting. It's just a different character responding to that setting in a different way.

The range of what's possible is ENORMOUS.

I went from there to "two humans captured at different times struggle to find their way back to each other and end up with neural implants plugged into each other's brains by their shared Mistress, and the feedback loop helps them domesticate EACH OTHER" and then from there to a mostly historical context story about an Affini who lived for almost 300,000 years and how she feels about the Compact's role in everything they've done to the universe.

And then I got to read "I have to pretend to be a good little floret maid at an Affini Compact hotel because that's my Genius Spy Cover WHOOPS it turns out being a maid means getting teased and played with a lot WHOOPS, OHHhhh NOOOoo~ I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A FREE USE HYPNO DOLL because EVERYONE KNEW I WAS A SPY THE WHOLE TIME, I'm going to resolve my mixed feelings by erotically betraying my co-conspirator so we can be floret girlfriends together," which was cute, funny, and INCREDIBLY hot.

Seriously, chapter 10 of that story. Holy FUCK. I think my brain has turned fully inside out. I had a DREAM kinda like it afterwards that I wish I could remember more of.

I guess my point is HDG is less like a fandom and more like DND.

It's a shared universe of collaborative storytelling, even if any individual work within it was made by one person.

You get to play within a core set of rules for how the setting works, but the stories that can come out of playing by those rules are so incredible and diverse and interesting, and I'm really enjoying getting to explore all of that within the context of a basic premise that has absolutely grabbed most of my kinks by the throat, stared menacingly into my eyes, and smirked knowingly.

Also it's INCREDIBLY queer and very obviously made specifically for gay autistic trans women who take progesterone, so I guess just like the rest of the little Terrans, I never stood a chance.

[eustasskidagenda]

Okay, this post is not based on a request. I kept thinking about it for hours and finally decided to write it down: how the OP characters would text their s/o. So here are some texting headcanons for some of my favorite characters: Eustass Kid, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Sabo. I'll probably write a part 2 with my other beloved characters: Luffy, Marco, Killer, and Robin. :D

☆Texting HCs for Kid, Law, Sanji, Zoro & Sabo

CW : g/n reader, MDNI, Kid is cursing, fluff, funny, partly nsfw, mention of alcohol for Zoro 

WC : 2k

Kid

Your name/photo in his contacts: mine. With a photo of your ass, obviously. And when he's mad at you, he renames you mid(ge).

Such a brat.

His wallpaper: a cool photo of his motorbike (I'm sorry but Kid is that kind of man in love with his own bike/car. But it's okay, he's still my favorite.) Or, a pic of your ass.

What kind of pictures are in his gallery: your ass, random photos of your face when he’s teasing you, his bike, and some punk stuff (music, makeup, outfit etc.)

His fav emoji : none.

He likes to send really, really shorts messages. Like : 

"Hi" "u know" "i have an idea" "So listen:"

Goddam Kid, just write the WHOLE sentence in one message.

He's sending you random pictures of his torso, just to flex with his big tiddies.

And you have to respond with a heart emoji and praise him each time.

If you want, he's more than willing to send dick pick too. 

Again, you have to praise him. Even if the pictures are absolutely non-aesthetic. He's blessing you with his cock after all. 

"Babe, you don't know how to take beautiful pics of your dick." "WTF SHUT UP???????? It's MY dick???!!! OF COURSE IT'S BEAUTIFUL??!!!" 

Yeah, Kid is clearly using extra punctuation. 

Oh, sure, each morning, you receive a mirror selfie of his outfit of the day. Such a punk fashion icon. "Rate my outfit on a scale of amazing to amazing" 

He doesn't use emojis because they sound too soft and stupid. "em0teS aRe f0r s0fT b0ys Y/N"

If you complain about his messages looking cold, he might use random emotes to annoy you like "UgH iF U wAnt 🦬" (with that stupid dumb sponge bob meme)

Whenever he calls you, it seems like he's yelling through the phone. 

He likes using caps lock like "HEY Y/N, WANNA FUCK TONIGHT??????" 

He's sending you random punk/rock music. And you have to listen and react to every single music, otherwise he's so pissed off. He is sharing his world with you, the less you can do is interact with him. 

He also loves sending some pics of what he's working on, because Kid likes to repare/custom some cars or motorbike. 

And last thing, I like the idea of Kid Pirates being a punk music band, so sure, Kid loves to send you some videos of him playing guitar. "My fingers are skilled in three things : music, crafting and fingering you all the fucking day long"

His phone is so damaged because he throws it every time he gets angry (like every two minutes).

Law

Your name/photo in his contacts: y/n-ya. With a cursed picture of you. Just to tease you with it. 

His wallpaper: nothing, just the random by default home screen. In his view, wallpapers are useless and pointless.

What kind of pictures are in his gallery: random pictures you took of him, emo memes, and boring stuff about medicine or basic hygiene rules for Luffy. And a guide to "how to stop screaming and how to control your anger: a guide for children" for Kid. 

His favorite emoji: 🖕🏻

Whenever you annoy him with a stupid joke or a prank you saw on TikTok, his immediate reaction is to block you. He's so annoyed, please, leave him alone. He is immediately aware that it is a prank. Luffy always does the same to him before you do.

He's never using capital, it's for the emo aesthetic, like 'I hate bread'. Nope. But ✨"i hate bread."✨, yeah, much better

And yes, he uses "." everytime, it's for the dark and tired emo aesthetic. 

He always leaves a group conversation as soon as you include him. Please, he's so pissed off by those kinds of things. 

He's able to leave your message seen for days. Just because he was busy and forgot about what you said. If you need an answer, sure, try to call him. He always keeps his phone in silent mode. 

He likes to send you cool articles that he reads. Especially about medicine, tattoos or nerd stuff like movies, books, games etc.

"wanna go to a date tattoo with me tomorrow?" 

That kind of question is clearly his love language

He enjoys teasing you with random photos of his tattooed fingers or chest. "I bet you miss these fingers." And yeah, he's clearing curling his fingers on the pic like he would do when they are inside you. He's really good at teasing you with photos. 

Kid and Luffy steal his phone whenever he's with them. So be ready to receive a lot of ugly pictures of Law (taken by the chaotic duo), middle fingers from Kid, and blurry meat pictures from Luffy. 

Poor Law deserves a break.

Sanji 

Your name/photos in his contacts : 💗💘🛐Mon Amour (my love)🛐💘💗 With the most beautiful picture of you. 

His wallpaper : a cute couple photo.

What kind of pictures are in his gallery : a lot of cooking videos or photos, you, aesthetic pic of the sky and a private album with some hot nudes that you sent to him.

His favorites emojis : 💘💗💖🛐💍🧎🌺🌸🌹🫦����😘🧑🏻‍🍳🍽🍷🥘 (yeah, Sanji LOVES emojis)

He's always texting you back. If he can't reply within a second, he won't open the text. Sanji, leaving his beautiful s/o with that awful "seen"? Never. 

All the mornings "good morning sweetheart 💘" and all the evenings "sleep well sweetheart, dream about me 💖"

He wants to take a cute and aesthetic pic of the both of you all the days. 

He bombards you with pictures of his cooking. It's cute, but also annoying because he can't help but send extra long texts. He describes every single action he did, along with recipes and tips. 

He enjoys seeing your outfit of the day. He can attempt to match his clothes to yours. 

Random "I love you 💖" and "if no one told you you were pretty today : you're the prettiest 🥰" 

He enjoys sending you cooking videos. "We should eat this tonight. What do you think? 🧑🏻‍🍳"

He's pretty good at sexting. He knows how to take aesthetic photo of his hands, back, or mouth. Not just an ugly dick pick (Kid, Zoro, I'm looking at you). And he also likes to leave you some message like.

I would sit you down on this table if you were with me right now. You know, the one in your kitchen where he had dinner with your parents yesterday? I would gently kiss your neck, fondle your chest, and slowly kneel between your legs until you shout my name. You would pull on my hair, begging me to keep going until you cum repeatedly on my face.  👅 "

And if you send him a nude, well, he's going to die from a nosebleed.

Rest in peace, Sanji. 

Zoro

Your name/photos in his contacts : "y/n". You pick a picture for him because Zoro and phones are not compatible.

His wallpaper : a cool katana

What kind of pictures in his gallery : gym selfies, katanas and alcohol (all with ugly quality)

His fav emojis : 👍🏻 and 😴 Like:

"hey Zoro, you're alright" 👍🏻

"Zoro, wanna hang out?" 😴

"Babe, what are you doing?" 😴

"… am i annoying you?" 👍🏻

He can responds to absolutely anything with those two emojis. 

Zero is so oblivious, so let's be honest: he is not good at using phones. Almost every day, he forgets his phone at home. And even if he didn't forget about it, it's probably on silent mode or just off.

He doesn’t know how to use the keyboard, so prepare yourself for coded-message like "o!. @= sp⛑t t🧹day???/!df🆎e !!"He can't even use the excuse "my cat walked on my keyboard", he just sucks with technology.

Your messages are often "seen ✔️" and that's all. Not because he wants to be mean, just... he didn't understand the concept of answering every text. He takes all of your messages as random information. Like "Hey, I'd love to see you tonight!". Well. OK. Message understood. That's all.

The only application he has on his phone is Google Maps. Even with it, he still gets lost. "Turn left." Without a doubt, he turns right. 

Once, he tried to please you with a dick pic. But the photo was just terrible: bad luminosity, an ugly close-up of his cock, blurred as fuck, and you can see the dirty tissue behind him.

He doesn't answer when you call him because he's either asleep or at the gym (or drunk).

Once, he also tried to send you a voice message, but it was just the sound of the wind. He forgot to talk closer to the microphone.

Sabo 

Your name/photos in his contacts : "my revolutionary 🎩💛". With a beautiful pic of your smiling face. 

His wallpaper : a symbol of revolution. 

What kind of pictures in his gallery : petition screenshots, his brothers, you, anti-capitalist memes and a private album with some hot pic of you (naughty Sabo)

His fav emojis : 🔥✨🖕🏻💛✊🏻😡😏😎🤩👉🏻👌🏻🫵🏻

Sabo is... complicate. Sometimes, he doesn't answer for WEEKS. And sometimes he's extra chatty. And when he's chatty well...

Sabo is always spamming you with petition links. "Save the dolphins", "save the monkeys", "fuck capitalism", "for the resignation of *insert random politician name*" 

"Hey sweetheart, manifestation tomorrow. See you there!! 🫵🏻" 

When it's not petitions, it's probably videos or articles. Sabo is a pure revolutionary. Be prepared to receive lengthy texts when he wants to fight for a cause. It's cute, honestly. He's really involved and passionate. 

"You, me, on a trip tomorrow?! 😏"

Sabo has a knack for surprising you with trips, so prepare yourself. This man craves adventure and surprises. He wants you to join his crazy journey. 

Sometimes, he's using proper grammar and punctuation, sometimes he's using a lot of !!!!!!!!??????? And caps lock. Especially when he's furious about something.  He makes a lot of typo errors because he's always in a rush while typing.

Let's fught  *figrt *fijkt *FUCK *LET'S FIGHT (and fuck)

He enjoys taking pictures of you unexpectedly because it makes you seem more natural. 

"So… sweetheart… we have a new roommate" with a cute pic of a dog/frog/duck/snail/whatever. Sabo has a kind heart. If he sees a wounded or abandoned animal, he feels obliged to adopt it.

And regarding spicy texts… 

Sabo is a kinky boy. So sure, he's thirsty when it comes to sexting/nudes. As a revolutionary, he is also very careful. He always asks you first before sending you nude or spicy texts. If you're willing, then prepare yourself.

A bunch of nudes. Since he's good with them, he won't display his dick in a weird and unattractive angle to you. He enjoys showing you his hands when he's wearing his gloves. Or a mirror photo of his back.

"I know you will scratch it when I'll fuck you tonight 😏"

You're not forced to send him nude or spicy texts back. He respects your boundaries without exception. And if you send him a photo anyway, he's also really nice. Always a comment like "your ass is soooooo good with this angle. I can't believe I'm that lucky 🥵" and if he wants to save a photo for his collection, he's always asking if it's okay with you.

"Sweetie, i have a new toy for you… 💛"

We all know what he's talking about. Naughty Sabo.

[just-some-random-blogger]

The Salt In My Blood

You were the beloved Jewel of the Realm, the youngest Targaryen born to Alyssa and Baelon. Though your nature resembled more a lamb rather than a dragon, you posed a threat at court, for a single word out of your mouth inspired a thousand actions from The King and The Rogue Prince. Thus, your match with the Lord of the Iron Islands.

Daemon Targaryen x Targaryen!Reader x Dalton Greyjoy | 6k+ | cw: fem!reader, targcest (sister!reader), reader has valyrian features (silver hair, violet eyes), power imbalance, graphic depictions of violence/assault/murder/death, canon divergence/inaccurate timelines, ye old misogyny, fuckedupedness of men, smut (dub con, loss of virginity, piv, biting, marking, breeding kink, corruption kink, baby trapping, cockwarming, cunnilingus), internet translated high valyrian, angst, social commentary, typos, etc.

A/N: !!mind the warnings!! This is really yucky because it is. all men do is hurt women. Also I did basic research for Dalton Greyjoy and just used him cuz I needed a character. idk what he's actually like and I'm 99% sure this timeline doesn't add up so, just roll w it ok? Ok. If my internet translated high valyrian sucks, well, it be like that. And surprise surprise i made another song for a fic because i should make use of my music degree while im jobless 💔 my heart goes out to @arabellasleopardcoat because her fic capital really poked my brain and got me fired up enough to write/create again, even if just for this fic. i love you.

Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx @delicious-xx @deniixlovezelda @targaryenmoony @risefallrise @thebullship @sa3losa @sloanexx @azperja @happilyhertale

Father, father, shining star, save my brother from the war. Mother, mother, hold me close. I fear brother won't come home. So, I pray, night and day, I do my duty here. Find me, oh [a] husband, so fierce with not a fear. Father, father hears my prayer. Mother, mother dries my tears. All my strife ends tonight for my husband's here.

"But what if someone sees," you whisper.

Daemon clutches your hand tighter as you hurry down the hall. He looks over to you, your expression matches your shaky voice.

Perhaps, had the conditions been different, he'd be softened by your words. The ferocity of his protectiveness would have made him stop in his footsteps and clutch your cheek. Perhaps he would have promised to safeguard you.

But these conditions did not elicit such urges from him. No. It stoked the fires bacchanal in his gut. The stolen taste of your honeyed lips in the garden was not enough.

Daemon finally brings his darling sister into his bedroom, and there, he answers you, "who would dare spy on the king's heir, the prince of the realm?"

Your breath quickens at the sound of your brother locking the door.

The prince of the realm stalks over to you, a dragon gazing upon a meek lamb.

Again, you whisper, "what if someone finds out?"

Daemon could growl. He almost did as he grabs your waist and sinks his head into the crook of your tender neck. You don't even react when he does this, save for your gasp.

Oh, how like you, how docile and doe-like, never one to raise your voice, or fight back, especially not with him.

"Let them find out, sister," he claws your clothing, "then they will not steal you from me."

You are so pliant as he squeezes you, so soft as he roughs you back to his bed. You let him handle you like he did your dolls growing up. He treated them with less than a quarter of the gentleness you would; they'd end up tattered and broken because of him by the end of your playing session, much to your heartbreak.

Though you cried about it, you never once held it against him, because each time, Daemon would wipe your tears and apologize. He liked breaking your dolls. He liked being your comfort.

He knew without a sliver of doubt you'd let him do the same to your body. You'd let him break you, then kiss the tears off your cheeks. You'd let him, for he was your star, and you were his doll.

Daemon presses you beneath him. He lays you down where he sleeps. He kisses you, the way he has sometimes imagined he would while touching himself, or while in the arms of another. His long, silver hair cascades down his shoulder, joining your long, silver hair that's spilled on his pillows.

For so long, he's denied himself of you, because you were too pure, too darling to be tainted.

You whimper as he pushes your skirts up, bunching them by your ribs.

But now, it's all different.

His mouth suckles its way to your neck.

"Daemon."

Now, it's not about denial. It's about what's right. It's about what you deserve.

"Daemon-" you whimper when he reaches into the waistband of your smallclothes, "-wait."

He breathes hotly against your jaw. He grabs your knees and parts them for himself.

You push his shoulders back, catching his attention. He is displeased, and not even your glassy eyes could quell it. He warns you with an annoyed sound.

You gulp but mutter anyway, "this is wrong."

"Wrong?!" snaps he.

You tense at his anger, yet even then, you caress his cheek gently, "I am to be married to Lord Dalton Greyjoy."

"And you would have me believe you want him?" Daemon quips, "that you do not want me?"

You push yourself up on your elbows. Tears begin to spill from the corner of your eyes, "Daem-"

"Why do you think I am doing this?" He pushes himself against your core.

You whimper at the contact. He is hard.

He grabs your wrists and pins them to your sides, "I do this for your sake, little girl. To save you from your prison."

You gulp and blink rapidly, your silver lashes lace with tears.

The slightest semblance of remorse flashes on your brother's face.

With your head lifted, you watch as Daemon brings his hands to your ankles instead. He rids you of your shoes and chucks them over his shoulder.

Slowly, he strips you naked until you are left in nothing but the jewelry and the stockings he bought you once before.

You cover your breasts, and he lets you while he kneads at your slightly parted thighs.

His eyes are glued on your womanhood, on the curls that don't see the light of day and the flesh that's never been touched by a man.

Daemon clenches his jaw as his fingers inspect the heat there. The two digits find molten wetness flooding your entrance. You make a breathless sound and squeeze your thighs, trying, with pointless effort, to stop him. His eyes flick to your face, the look of embarrassment, of shock, of pleasure visible to him. He debates forcing your legs.

He licks his you-coated fingers and tuts instead, "open."

You look at him, your Daemon, with a faint line between his brows. You close your mouth and lick your lips. Your hands find their way back to your breasts.

The sight is maddening, especially with how the jewel of your necklace looks between the squished mount of flesh.

"Open," he commands with less patience.

Daemon watches his darling princess part her legs for him. His trousers strain more than it did already.

He watches you closely and motions with a finger to your chest, "those too."

You do not immediately comply. In fact, you look at Daemon with pleading eyes. He raises his brows at your bratty demeanor, and shakes his head, "are you disobeying me?"

You see the threat in his eyes.

"Kessa nyke mazverdagon ao rūnagon aōha dīnagon?" Shall I make you remember your place?

You shake your head and pipe softly, "daor." No.

Finally, you reveal your breasts to him.

He smirks, "good girl."

Your brother kneads your delicate flesh and grinds his clothed groin against your weeping cunt. The sound you emit makes the feel of the clothes on his skin unbearable.

He grabs your hands and places them on his waistband. He looks down at you as he rids himself of his top. By the time his burning chest is free, you've gotten half the wits to undo his breeches.

His eyes don't leave you as he takes off his shoes.

You timidly pull his pants down, sitting up slightly as you do. You make a soft sound when his manhood flings free. Daemon shoves you back and does the rest himself.

"Daemon. I don't think-"

Your voice is crushed by the feel of his cock sliding into you. A rush of heat ripples through your body. He leans down and kisses your shoulder as you whine.

"Enough," he pants. He uses all his restraint not to fuck you dumb then and there. He grabs your thighs, pressing them into your chest. He can feel your tension. If he fucks you now, he could leave you unable to walk straight. But as sweet as that sounds, he doesn't actually want to hurt you, not that way.

Daemon sinks down to your jugular and kisses you there before he brings his hungry mouth to your breast. He sucks and nips, imagining it being heavy with milk for his babe, the babe he'd put into your belly.

The thought makes his moan and rut his hips.

You make a strained sound and your hands push at his arms. You call his name again, soft and shaky.

Daemon tries to ignore you, his palm coming to your lonely breast on the other side, but the persistent call of his name makes him sigh.

He lightly grazes your nipple before he releases your flesh. He trails kisses up your skin until he lands on your face, your face, which was now wet with salt.

"You need to relax. Mmm?" he coos, kissing your lips, "skoro syt gaomagon ao limagon? Hm?" Why do you cry?

You adjust beneath him, repositioning your thighs, digging your fingers into his nape. You whimper, "lēkia."

Daemon's belly burns. Look at you, crying for your older brother.

"Kessa, ñuha hāedar?" Yes, my little sister?

"Iksan zūgagon," you mutter, tears streaming down your temples. Your nails scratch up his scalp. I am afraid.

Daemon, selfish as he is, does not like the fact that leaves your lips. His brows furrow. He rubs your thighs in an attempt to comfort you. He kisses the corner of your lips, "hen lēkia?" Of your older brother?

You shake your head quickly, rubbing your thumb on his jaw.

His brows furrow tighter. His hold on your thigh tightens, "hen bona Āegenka Āzma?" Of that Iron Born?

You stay still. You take a moment before mumbling, "Viserys said I should marry him for my own good-"

"Fuck that cunt Viserys," he spits angrily.

Your lips quiver.

The anger in Daemon's chest dissipates as you rub the deep line between his brows. He props himself up, sinking a hand by the side of your head. He looks down at you.

"You cannot protect me forever," you whisper, finally relaxing beneath him.

Daemon watches as you lick your lips.

You gulp, "I am a Targaryen princess. I have duties to the realm, to my family."

"Your duty is with me," he grabs your hand, bringing it to his chest.

Your violet eyes sparkle as you examine his features. You tuck the long tresses that block his face behind his ear. Your belly ignites at the fierce beauty of your beloved brother.

"I burn for you," Daemon says, "I know that you burn for me."

"But Daemon-"

The gentle thrust of his hips stifle your words.

You whimper and instinctively mold your body against him. Your legs tighten around his torso as his thrusts grow more and more confident.

"Enough," Daemon repeats this time softer, head sinking back into the crook of your neck, "you have always belonged to me, and you know it."

Daemon kisses you, delighting in the gasp you give when he plays with your pearl. He muffles the sound of your mewls with his mouth.

"They insult us all by daring to mix dragon blood with fucking sea squid," he pants, "you were meant to carry my seed, be my bride."

You moan, feeling a foreign force in your belly.

"I will not let that sewer monster be the one to make you a woman," Daemon licks a stripe up your neck.

You tangle your fingers into the roots of his hair, "Daemon."

His nails scratch up your sides, "twas I that watched you blossom into womanhood, tis I that should be the one to take it."

Neither of you speak after he says this. You both simply whimper, wordlessly agreeing your bodies were made for each other.

The prince had not a single care in the world. He urges you to scream out to him with the flick of his pelvis. He didn't care if anyone could hear, neither did he care that anyone would see the viscious marks he was leaving all over your throat.

You were better than he had ever imagined, and he was determined to make you his. He was intent on emptying his stones, over and over again, until you could take no more, until you were too exhausted to leave, until your body had no other choice but to carry him a child.

And when he finally does spill into you, coming with a grunt and a soft, "you're mine," you, the virgin princess finally understand the fuss over sex, and reply to him with an, "I love you."

Daemon fucks you until his bed is soiled with a mix of your come. He fucks you until every minute movement from him makes you shiver and whine. He fucks you until your skin is marked with tender bites. He fucks you until you beg for respite, and then he keeps himself inside you after.

You were a worn little thing, and yet you managed the energy to still cling to him as you dozed off.

He kisses your temple and sleeps soundly, knowing he's done it, he's made his claim; you were his. That was irrefutable. Only a madman would deny him of you now. He basks in the pleasure of your body, and in the knowledge his baby sister so wholeheartedly trusted in him to let him do this.

One can only imagine, then, the mortified horror you felt when you were given to Lord Greyjoy anyway.

This was not part of the plan. You were meant to meet Daemon. He told you you were going to speak to the king together, and yet here your eldest brother was, ushering you towards your captor-husband to be.

"My princess," Dalton says, reaching a hand to you.

You stare at his glimmering eyes, finding nothing but malice and lust behind them. You turn to your brother for help. You do not want to touch this man.

Viserys offers you none and looks away. It hurts when he does so, especially since he does so with such apparent scorn. He smiles at Dalton, "greet your lord. You will soon be wed to him, sister."

You muster enough artificial interest to smile. Goosebumps form on your skin when he kisses the back of your hand.

He notices and chuckles, rubbing where he kissed, "such demureness. Do not be frightened of me, my dragon. I would not hurt such a pretty thing."

You clasp your hands together after he releases you.

"Not unless you ask," he adds, bursting into a laugh.

Neither you or Viserys return the amusement. In fact, the latter's face contorts at the distasteful joke. His nostrils flare, "you dare jest such uncouth things in front of your king?"

Dalton Greyjoy is unbothered, but stifles his laughter. He clears his throat and bows, "my apologies, my king. Tis the Ironborn in me. I cannot help my nature, much like you cannot help yours."

You feel light headed the entirety of this interaction. The room feels like it was closing in on you, and you kept glancing at the door, praying that your other brother free you from this torment.

He does not. He does not come. In fact, you do not see Daemon anywhere the entire day.

Dalton keeps you by his side, taking your arm in his as he makes you stroll him around the Red Keep. You do so, of course, no matter how strong the urge to run away and hide from him was. The entire time, Dalton recounts his stories of battle, his stories at sea, his stories of life. He's sincere enough, but you are not interested in the slightest.

"I think you'd enjoy the feel of sea salt against your skin, just as much you enjoy the whip of the clouds," he grins with genuine enthusiasm.

Any response you have is put out by his next words.

"I can introduce you to my salt-wives."

"Salt-wives?"

"Aye," he says proudly, "I'd say I have about twenty, but I cannot assure you its accuracy."

You are horrified. Finally, you have the gall to pull away, "what?"

Dalton chuckles, somehow amused, but his brows furrow, as if irritated, "we Ironborn keep salt wives in our ships, to give us comfort and warmth when the sea gets too rough. Is this princess so sheltered to not know this?"

You curdle when he reaches for your neck.

"You needn't be jealous. You'd be my one and only rock wife."

You scowl at his condescending tone, "I thought that was just a wives' tale."

He laughs. It is rich, amused, and foreboding. He shakes his head, "it's about as much of a wives' tale as your dragons are, princess."

Later that night, you weep at the king's feet, begging him not to marry you off to such a man.

Viserys does not hear it, and it is only then that Daemon finally appears.

When he does, it's as if the gods themselves breathed life into you. Quickly, you run into him and sob into his chest.

Daemon holds you tightly and glares at the king, "what have you done to her?"

Viserys scoffs. The dark room, illuminated only by the fireplace and a few lit candles, feels to him like it's darkened because of Daemon. He shifts where he sits, "I? I found her a husband."

Daemon's eye twitches, "you gave her to me! You said it just this morning."

You look up at Daemon, hopeful at the sound of his words.

"I said I would think about it once you report your patrol at the City Watch to me."

Daemon releases you to impose on his brother, "I kept your city clean from crimes and safe for the people."

"And where did you go after?" Viserys narrows his eyes.

You rub your arms as you watch your brothers argue.

Daemon does not respond.

Viserys turns to you, "tell your beloved sister where you went after your patrols."

Daemon does not move.

Your chest tightens at the silence, "... Daemon."

The said man opens his mouth, "I went to get a dri-"

"A whorehouse!" Viserys blurts, rising from his seat to glare at Daemon. He turns back to you, pushing past him, "I would know. I paid every whore in Fleabottom to seduce him."

Your heart leaps into your mouth, "w-what?"

Daemon is stunned.

"See now," Viserys is close enough to clutch your cheeks, "your beloved brother is a man like all the rest. No more is the dragon righteous than the kraken."

Your eyes begin to fog with tears. Your hands begin to tremble. Why was he doing this to you?

"Greyjoy is no less a dog than the rest of us. He at least, is honoring a tradition. Daemon honors only his cock."

You turn to Daemon, hoping to find this was not the case, but his expression says it all. You let a pained whimper, "you teach me so cruelly, brother."

"I teach you," he swipes your tears with his thumbs, "for your own good."

"You fucking--"

You scream in terror as Daemon lunges at Viserys. You reel back and watch as the two crash down to the floor, the younger of them finding the upper hand. They roughly struggle against each other.

You can no longer remain simply screaming when Daemon grabs Viserys by the collar and slams him repeatedly against the ground, especially not when Viserys claws at Daemon's face to get him off. You dash forward just as the guards order the prince to stop.

It only takes another scream from you, begging them to stop, for the kingsguards to burst into the room.

You grab Daemon's arm, and out of instinct, he swats you back, hand hitting your nose with rage powered force.

You shoot back into a kingsguard, feeling your face throb in pain. You swipe your philtrum and find red on your fingers.

It takes Viserys screaming your name for Daemon to stop and realize what he's done.

The impact of hitting the armored man makes your back twinge, but it does not hurt nearly as much as the back handed hit you received from your brother.

The kingsguard catches you and stands you upright. He quickly asks if you are alright, but doesn't wait for an answer because he's then shoving Daemon back, putting himself between him and you when he tries to come near.

Daemon glares in offence.

"Throw him in the fucking dungeon," Viserys spits out as he is helped up by another guard.

Daemon fights back, but is no match against three guards.

He screams your name as he is dragged off.

You clutch your face as he tells you he didn't mean to hit you. You face throbs as he tells you he loves you, and only you.

For once, you doubt his words.

Viserys comes to your side, placing a gentle hand in your shoulder. You watch as he commands a servant to get something for your injury.

He clutches your cheek that was struck and sighs, "if you wed the Red Kraken, you will strengthen our hold on the Iron Lands. Dalton Greyjoy is a formidable warrior. I couldn't think of a more capable man to safekeep the Jewel of the Realm."

As he stroked your hair, you realized that Viserys was right. It didn't matter who it was, all men were the same. When your septa warned you of men's depravity, you believed your brothers to be the exception. Now, you knew exactly why you were called-

"Little lamb," Viserys coos, "I only want what is best for all of us."

You were too naive to believe in good things.

And so you marry Dalton Greyjoy the next day.

The haste with which the wedding is prepared is to prevent you from changing your mind, you figured. That, and to keep Daemon in prison for the least amount of time.

Part of you wanted to visit him, but part of you wanted him to suffer. In the end, you realized you were too weak to behold your brother as a prisoner.

Daemon screams and bangs at his bars, demanding he be released. But the prison guards have handled worse and throw cold water at him to shut him up.

He knew by the time he was free, he would be too late to stop your marriage, but still, he meticulously planned what he would do the moment he was.

That night, after the wedding festivities were over, Dalton takes you to your room and makes you his wife.

"It's been a while since I've had a virgin," Dalton says, caressing your cheek, "don't worry, I will be gentle."

You want to scream, you want tofight him back, but you remember you're not a virgin, and fear paralyzes you. You mumble, "m-my dragon riding."

Dalton pushes back bour silver hair and kisses your shoulder.

You can't help but think of Daemon in this moment, but it makes you feel sick, and so you will him out of your head. You mumble again, "my dragon riding may taken my womanhood."

Dalton pulls away and stares at you for a moment.

"I- I was told as a child, it happened to many Targaryen princesses."

He pulls his hands, which were on your hips, away then shoves you down on your bed. He smirks as he undoes his clothing, "then I can be rough with you, aye?"

You quiver at his gaze.

He laughs, shaking his head, "didn't I say I would not hurt you? Unless under your request?"

You inch back as he crawls over. He grabs your ankle, then the other, causing you to panic. You instinctively kick him off, but instead of being deterred, he is excited.

"Sh, sh, sh," he hushes, "it will not be unpleasant, my dragon."

Your skin pricks with gooseflesh when he removes your shoes, your socks, then sneaks his hand up your skirt.

You whimper and turn away, finding you could no longer kick back when he seizes your knees.

"Please-"

"Shhh," he hushes, giving you the first solemn look he has this entire day he's been smug, "I've had much practice from my salt wives. You, my rock wife, will taste the fruits of my practice... as I taste you."

You gasp when he suddenly rips your underwear off.

"I swear to you, your body will enjoy it, even if your mind wants you to believe otherwise."

You muffle your mouth with your palm when you feel Dalton sink in between your thighs.

He was right.

The entire time he touches you, it feels like your skin was being scorched. Your heart was not in it, but your body twisted in pleasure. You hated that you longed for Daemon, even after the fact you were not enough for him; he was still the only one you, and this moment proved it.

You were brought to tears at how pathetic it was. Tears streamed as you reached your peak, one of the many you receive from your... husband.

He handled you with carnal instinct, just as Daemon did, but unlike him, Dalton did not kiss your tears. In fact, he did not kiss your face once. It is you that initiates such a thing, amidst the throes of your lewd pleasure. He grabs your jaw when your lips connect, and quickly releases his load into you after.

Your peak is cut short because he pulls out just when you reach it.

You watch as he rolls over and goes to sleep without another word.

The next morning, the servants call you Princess Greyjoy and it haunts you.

"No need to look so sullen, wife," you hear over your shoulder.

If the cold from the early morning wasn't enough to make you shiver, the kiss on your shoulder was.

The ship rocks as you tear your gaze away from King's Landing, King's Landing that looked so tiny now from where you stood. A sea of tears laid between you and the home that will never be yours again. You turn to Dalton. He leans his elbows on the edge of the ship and looks up at you, "we can do many things to liven your mood."

You watch him as he rubs your hips. Your stomach curdles but you manage to offer a smile, "I... am flattered, but I do not want to distract the captain of this ship."

Dalton chuckles and straightens up, "trust me. The crew would appreciate it if you did."

You squeak when he yanks you into him.

"Right boys?!" he calls loudly, "shall I make a salt wife out of my rock wife?!"

The crew cheers and it makes your skin burn in mortification.

The next thing you know, you are thrown over his shoulder. He slaps your ass and takes you to his quarters. The crew laughs as he does.

You helplessly grunt when he drops you on his bed-- your shared bed. You silently peer up at him as he stares at you. You are relieved he paces across the room, towards his table. He grabs something and chucks it at you. You flinch but manage to catch it.

He sits on the table as you inspect the pouch. You open it, finding herbs inside.

"I heard you've been drinking that," he says.

You look up at him.

"Haven't you?" he asks.

You smell it and wretch. It smells exactly like-

"Moon tea," Dalton says, making your blood run cold, "for the bastard in your belly.*

You are frozen in your spot. Your stomach drops when he stands and walks over. He grabs your chin. It is not harsh, but it strikes fear in you anyway.

"I asked you a question, wife."

You open your mouth, but no words come out.

"HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING THE FUCKING TEA OR NOT?" he screams, grabbing your neck.

Your hands fly to his grip. Your fingers attempt to pry him away.

You wheeze when he squeezes you. Your flail your legs and try to kick him off. You can't. Just as your vision begins to go dark, he releases you. You fall onto the bed and frantically try to catch your breath. You cough and hear him smash things around the room.

And so you behold the man who said he would not hurt you unless you asked him, brutalize the furniture.

You think your chances are better in the sea rather than on this boat. You slowly maneuver towards the door while he is distracted. Just as you are about to sprint, he grabs you and throws you back down on his bed.

"You stupid slut!" he screams, "you think you can run?!

You try to scream for help, but the pain in your throat when you try to stops you. Not a second later, you scream anyway.

He slaps you across the face, promptly silencing you. The sting is ten times worse than what Daemon did.

"I was promised a Targaryen princess, not some whore of a dragon!" he screams, kicking the chair by his desk across the room.

You feel lightheaded. You see double.

He laughs angrily, shaking his head, "dragon riding, my arse."

Indistinguishable sounds leave your lips.

Your heart drops as he storms over.

"Who's the father of your bastard child?!"

"ANSWER ME!" he demands, grabbing your shoulders, dragging you to your feet. Your head recoils at the sheer force of it. You take a moment to steady your head.

Your eyes search Dalton's enraged features, hoping to chance upon a sliver of compassion... in vain. The sound that leaves your mouth is response to the bruising squeeze of your arms. You cannot help but whimper as tears stream down your cheeks, "you're hurting me."

He is further angered by this. He gives you a powerful shake. Your head lashes back again and you scream.

"Give me a name!" erupts the lord.

You no longer have it in you to hold your tongue, and so you confess, "Daemon!"

Dalton releases you. He is repulsed, "your brother?" He scoffs, "you revolting, little worm," he slaps you again, making you lose your balance.

Before you crash into anything, he grabs you and keeps you upright. You can feel your cheek and lips swell at his assault. You taste iron on your lips.

"And here they had me believing you were some meek lamb," he laughs dryly, brushing your hair back, "you're nothing but a whore, grown from perversion and abomination."

Your expression hardens. You glare at him and rebut, though your head was pounding, "and your sea rituals are more righteous than my family traditions?"

Without another word, Dalton shoves you back, propelling you into his desk. Your skull crashes against the edge with a horrendous thud.

You fall limp onto the floor. Dalton cares little if you were dead or unconscious. He walks out of the room right before he can witness the red staining your white hair.

Dalton is no fool. He knows better than to disfigure a Targaryen princess.

He walks towards the wheel of the ship and continues the course to what his crew believed to be a shortcut to home. In truth, he was bringing the ship to its doom, to face you with with a trail of the sea.

He would crash the ship into a chokehold of rocks, and if you survived, if he found your floating body, he would keep you, as you proved your resilience. But if you were swallowed into the depths, if he was unable to find you in the debris, he would praise the Drowned god for your riddance.

The same want with his crew.

Of course, there was a bit of this that felt like suicide, but he knew he was too vengeful to die, so he knew he had nothing to fear.

When the Greyjoy ship finally reached the rocky pass, Dalton was promptly warned of the danger by his lookout, who he obviously ignored.

He ordered to hoist the sails, and, blindly, the crew followed, even through apparent worry.

It didn't take very long after for the ship to crash into the cliffs.

The crew clamors. They scream and panic, turning to their captain that could not care less. He pretends to steer them to safety, but he actually slammed them further into their demise.

The deck begins to crumble. The mast snaps. The sails break off. Dalton calls to abandon ship.

The crew don't need any more convincing.

One by one, each man for their own, they try to escape with their life.

By the time Dalton jumps off the ship, the thing is half submerged in the water, crumbs of it on the side of a rock.

It was pure chaos.

Dalton swims far enough from the destruction, and knows his god smiled upon him and his decision when he sees a large wooden slab he can climb on.

He does just that and looks out to his crew, helping the ones that manage to swim over, commanding the others calling for help to simply swim or drown.

He looks around, trying to make out a body of a woman, a blob of a dress, a head of silver hair in the aftermath.

"My wife," he screams, "has anyone seen my wife?!"

He wasn't concerned, of course. He just wanted to know his fate as a husband, but this did make for a good alibi.

His surviving men look and swim around for you. They find no trance.

Dalton presses his lips, "little dragon couldn't fly away."

They take refuge on a cliff. Lord Greyjoy tells his crew not to bitch and panic because they will surely be found by a passing ship soon enough.

He had planned this shipwreck after all.

By the time Dalton and his remaining men were saved, a flash of red circled in the setting sky, hovering over the massive rock that held the shipwreck that bore the sigil of Greyjoy.

Caraxes screeches as his rider commands him to get closer to the scene. The dragon hesitates but eventually lands on the cliff. Waves crash upon the area, causing the beast to bleat when he is wet.

Daemon is frantic as he gazes upon the destruction. He is distressed unlike he's ever been. His voice is distinctly desperate and hysterical. He screams out your name, even though it was nothing against the roar of the splashing waves.

He heaves heavily as he erratically decides to dismount and jump into the water.

As he wades, he tries to convince himself that what he was doing was for naught-- perhaps you were not here to begin with. But the gut feeling was overwhelming; it was sickening.

He tries to believe that bottom feeder, Greyjoy, saved you before his ship crumbled. He tries to convince himself that cunt's lust for you was enough reason to keep you alive.

But he remembers the servant he threatened with a knife whilst demanding to know which route your ship would take. He thinks of how he almost shit himself while confesssing to Daemon that Greyjoy planned to pass through a rocky region as a shortcut. But Daemon's flown over that area, and knew it was out of the way to the Iron Islands.

After squeezing out what's left from that servant, Daemon's face falls when he mentions that rusted octopus had an argument with a servant girl that came to serve the princess a cup of tea.

Daemon was no fool. Dalton was a butish barbarian. If he found out you were drinking Moon Tea, he would do his worst on you for blemishing his pride.

And so he swam. Daemon swam, dove down, and searched for your body until he had to stop because Caraxes was getting restless. He commanded him to calm down, but he could only do it so many times until he, himself, was the same.

He eventually gets back on Caraxes. Daemon can't bring himself to leave just yet however, and finds himself praying to whatever god out there to return his love back to him.

Caraxes circles the area one last time before heading off. For some reason, Daemon feels the urge to check underneath a large slab of shattered wood. He commands his mount to lift it, and the dragon screeches as he does what he can with his hind legs.

The sound that leaves the prince's mouth is what could only be described as pure anguish.

A head of silver hair floats up and wafts in the water along with a tattered dress. Your body garnered a horrid tone of grey and you were missing your shoes.

Daemon cannot contain the tears that gush out of his eyes.

Caraxes carries your body in his claws all the way to the Keep.

The way in which he commands his ride to set your body down is frantic and incredibly detailed. Part of him realizes Caraxes probably recognized you, considering the way he laid on his belly and sniffed you as Daemon buckled to his knees and lamented over your frigid body.

He speaks to you in High Valyrian. His salty tears drip on your salt water drowned body. He promises he will never trick you, never argue with you, and never make you cry ever again if only you open your violet eyes.

He rocks back and forth with you in his arms, unsure which of you he was soothing by doing this.

He swears he will turn the sea red with blood and burn the whole Iron Islands to avenge you.

He is incredibly uncomfortable of the chill of your skin. He shakes his head, telling you dragons must not be kept cold. He kisses your face in an attempt to warm it up. He recounts a time where you accidentally spilled candle wax on him, burning his skin, and tells you that you still need to make up for your offence. He tells you he will forgive you if you simply hold him back.

Viserys had to account for three dragons by the time he found out what was happening, one was Daemon, whose grief morphed into murderous spite. He threatened to slay anyone who wanted to take you from him. Not again. Another was Caraxes, who refused to leave his heartbroken rider's side. The last was your dragon, who felt the loss of your connection, and went into a rabid state mourning.

It takes 5 people to secure your dragon in the pit, 5 people to subdue Caraxes, and 3 people to separate Daemon from your corpse.

The king takes a moment to clutch your hand. His face flinches. Where once your hand was so warm, no warmth now remained. He steps back and watches the maesters cover your body and take you away.

[lullinglily]

If requests are still open, could I possibly have a Messmer x f! Tarnished? The Tarnished being Messmer wife/consort who did not accompany him on the crusade since those really aren't the romantic destinations you usually take your loved ones. The wife dies in the Shattering and comes back as a Tarnished, with no real plan to go murderhobo on Messmer, but still thinking being a Lord/Elden Lord doesn't sound too bad. How would Messmer react to *that* kind of news?

pairing: messmer the impaler x wife!tarnished!reader (hurt/comfort)

notes: i love super specific asks like this because they give me sooo much to think about. also whoops i wrote too much and have to make a second post.

( part 2 )

pre-shattering; incandescent

Your marriage to the Impaler, while brief, had been a great source of pride for him. To think that he could be worthy of such a love was beyond baffling, and yet it was no dream. Truly, you had actually loved him — and he, you. 

He loathed to part from you, but pride drew him onwards. He wished not only to make his mother proud, but to spark further adoration from you as well. So, while he did dislike leaving you behind, he seemed rather excited about it too. Often the both of you would stay up until the wee hours of the morning to discuss his departure and the grandeur that would be sure to follow it. 

He held you close on the dawn he was to leave, only in the privacy of your shared bedchambers could Messmer display such a gentle act. The more reserved send off was for the prying eyes of Marika’s citizens, the way he kneeled to grab your hand in his and press soft kisses there made it known his adoration, for better or for worse. We’ll get to that later.

Contact with your beloved Lord, at first, had not been too difficult. You sent a letter, around four nights would pass, and you’d receive a letter back. He’d always respond asking how you had been faring in his absence, if there was anything you required from him while he was away, a gift perhaps? He’d go on to regale you with the tales of his crusade, each letter containing more and more gruesome details. You’d express your worry for him with each response, and soon enough such details had been cut from his future communications.

Dear Messmer had lost quite some favor as his war stretched on, and thus it became more troublesome to send your letters to him. Most had a disdain for your husband, refusing to send your letters to him, and you’d have to turn to Marika instead. She had sent them in a timely manner the first two times, but by the third letter she had become less concerned with the war and more focused on what her people thought of it —  of her son.

It was around this time communication between you and Messmer had begun to taper out. Letters could still be sent and received, however the process became rather lengthy and the Queen took little pity on you. 

You had begged for an audience with your mother-in-law, but none would be granted to the wife of a warmonger. Your time at Leyndell Castle officially came to an end once Marika denounced your beloved’s efforts. Having you there tarnished the royal family’s reputation, and you were relocated to a quaint village in Altus, outside of the capital’s walls. 

It was during this time you began to reflect on the Queen and her order, her Order bathed in unsullied gold and blessed with eternal fruitfulness. How could she, the Mother Eternal, act so coldly towards her most loyal son just to save her own skin? What fickleness was this? What cruelty? How could a god behold such human traits? Perhaps her order wasn’t as perfect as you once thought. You couldn’t even begin to imagine what you’d tell Messmer; that is if you ever got to speak to him again. The thought alone crushed you, and you receded into the kind escape of sleep.

Life outside of the Erdtree’s succor granted naught but hardship. Known only as the Impaler’s consort, you were a disgrace upon the Erdtree faithful, and were left well alone. An outcast in your village you would remain, it seemed, for all eternity. 

Years passed in isolation before you had heard tell of the new crowned prince of Leyndell’s assassination, and the subsequent shattering of the great Elden Ring. Never before had you known such destruction, such chaos, such humanity. Of course Marika of all people could create such a scene. 

You had just finished packing away your darling Lord’s letters when a group of marauders — no doubt General Radahn’s men — had begun to raid your village. 

You helped where you could, directing attention away from families and ushering the elderly along into the welcoming arms of those who could guide them to safety. Such arms did not belong to you. How could you leave without those yellowed letters, each promise of return penned on them dulled and decayed? You simply could not leave behind the cloying words of your Lord husband, ever-departed and shunned by all but you. Unfortunately for you, a sword through the back would be the only reward for your kindness. You fell almost willingly, certain that this blow would deliver you unto a gentler realm; one in which you may encounter your lost husband. 

A shuddering sigh escaped your lips as you begged to be returned to him; praying that he may gather you up from where you lay, trampled and left by those you had shared your exile with.

post-shattering; tarnished

Of course, in her typical fashion, Queen Marika had different plans

It’s undetermined how quickly Tarnished are revived, let’s say you are returned to the Lands about a hundred years after the events of the Shattering

Quite a lot of time has passed, and not a shred of your former identity lingers in a single scroll. Not even your letters had survived, most certainly reduced to ashes in the fire that consumed your past domicile. And, while saddening that the future Messmer had promised for the both of you would never come to pass, you were almost thankful for this lack of notoriety. Your time as an outcast had taught you well enough the dangers of being associated with that wonderful husband of yours. And so, for now, you would keep secret your relationship to him.

You joined the Roundtable Hold and were quickly educated on the new version of the Lands you inhabited. So too, did you learn that the title of ‘Elden Lord’ had yet to be claimed. While not particularly taken with the idea of assuming the title, you were intrigued in what power it would bring should you take the throne. Surely an order would be established much like Marika’s own, but with your intentions used to mend the ring instead of hers. Perhaps what you disliked in Marika you could remedy, foolish and human as you are. You were hesitant to inform anyone of your possible interest in the role however, and continued on as normal. Why cause such a stir in dynamics among your new friends? 

Eventually, either by coercion or of your own accord, you wound up in the Land of Shadows. Almost the instant you had looked out upon the Gravesite Plain you already knew where you were, where he was. And as you explored it came increasingly apparent that he was still alive somehow.

You decided you would have to go find out yourself, and with the motivation to find your long lost husband stirring in your chest you set out on the perilous journey alone.

It was actually a lot easier for you to get to Messmer than you had initially thought. You’d been detained by the Fire Knights of course, but some recognized you despite your condition. They quarreled over if you were truly their Lord’s cherished consort or some vain imposter, and in the end they escorted you to Messmer and had him decide himself.

His serpents recognized you almost immediately. Your scent, while somehow different, still sung with an underlying hint of familiar sweetness. One of them wrapped itself around your forearm while the other watched on in awe. 

Messmer sends his Fire Knights away and takes you in from afar. It’s eerily silent in his chamber for a few moments, the only sound the contended hiss of his serpent companions. He rose from his chamber and stalked over to you, bending down to observe your altered form. While you looked the same as you had back then, you were significantly shorter and bereft of the light you were once drenched in. An odd little Tarnished you were, a princess trapped in the frame of a lowlife. It hardly mattered, you were his all the same.

He kneeled down to take your hand in his, hesitating to kiss it for fear that he would lose you, as if the action was responsible for separating the both of you all those years ago. He settles for a scalding embrace instead. 

He’s suspiciously quiet. You’d have thought he’d have much to say considering the time apart, but all he could think about was his mother. Why had she stripped you of your grace? Why hadn’t she kept contact with him? Perhaps was held you up all that time had been doing the same to his mother? If that were true, would that mean she is in danger? He wanted to ask you these questions, ask you to tell him what had transpired in his absence but the truth is he was afraid of your answer. 

He silently drew you a bath, offering you the privacy to strip yourself of your armor and, with his back still turned, ordered his knights to take the plates for polishing. He suddenly felt so very sorry for you; it was a grand shame that you should ever have to bear the weight of armor or know the handle of a weapon. He feels as though he had failed you by leaving you behind.

You recounted to him what happened before you became a Tarnished. While he knew that the people’s opinion of him and his crusade were low, he hadn’t expected for you to be mistreated because of your relation to him. His heart had simply shattered when he learned that you should be dead; long gone and hidden under the earth. 

You left out some bits of the story for his sake, specifically the parts about Marika. Perhaps now was not the time.

He’d let his eyes wander over your lightless form once more, likening it some sick joke.

“Worry not, my lovely. We shall fix thee.”

Your stay at the Shadow Keep lengthens. The both of you are quiet in each other’s presence, not sure of what to say, but there is warmth there regardless. No one speaks her name. No one dares to ask a question about what had happened in the other’s absence. You found yourself unable to question the hordes of dead bodies that littered the perimeter of Castle Ensis, and he refused to question his mother’s callousness towards you. 

Most of the time neither of you say anything at all. You had breakfast together, he sat in his chamber with you on his lap until he needed to get up and attend to something, in which you would trail behind him. Once night fell you’d both hold each other in his bedchambers and pretend to be asleep, and then the day would be over and it would be the exact same come morning. 

You didn’t dislike it, but after a week you told him of your fondness towards the prospect of becoming a ‘Lord.’ You didn’t tell him Lord of what or who, just that you liked the idea. And, in typical Messmer fashion, he worried over the thought of being abandoned yet again. 

He offered you the position of lord for one of his forts, but “Fort Reprimand” had a sort of sinister title you just didn’t feel comfortable sharing. 

He didn’t outright tell you how much it hurt him to think about you leaving. He had just gotten you back, how could he let you go again? 

His desperation became tangible. He became much more clingy and talkative, making sure with each conversation the two of you had to sprinkle in little details about how delightful the Keep was; how much everyone there adored you. 

You saw right through all of it, and you pitied him more than anything. Your poor Messmer; he didn’t deserve any of this. 

You weighed your options constantly, they were all you ever thought about anymore. On one hand, the ability to change the world for the better. To right Marika’s wrongs, and hopefully return her to her dear son. On the other, a safe and cozy spot in the arms of your husband forevermore. You wouldn’t need to look over your shoulder every waking moment, Messmer’s serpentine companions would do it for you. You would be safe. 

It was at this point you figured that you should tell him the truth. The truth about the Shattering, the disappearance of his mother and how he may not ever see her again. Surely this conversation would trickle into one concerning your lordship and if you wished to obtain it. So, in the little corridor outside of his chamber, you made your decision and prayed it was the right one.

[mtkay13]

Working hard on the business!!

I had a lot of fun working on this piece that fits well as a companion to this one! I really, really enjoy Wuxi and Zishu's side hustle and think about it a lot.

More musings on this piece below!

I have been thinking a lot about Wuxi and Zishu's relationship for the past few months--working on the translation of Qiye has given me a fresh look and new perspective on it which I feel like elaborating on for a bit.

While they come from very different place and are 5 years apart in age, Wuxi and Zishu seem to rather quickly relate to each other due to both being outsiders--to the capital and its codes. It's very sweet to see how quickly Wuxi seems intrigued and interested in Zishu, wanting to know more about him and quick to react when he's around.

Beiyuan is Wuxi's only friend so far, and I think it's very refreshing for Wuxi to find another person with whom he may be able to relate more on some regards, and whom he can look up to in terms of martial arts skills and craftiness. This is a personal HC of mine, but I sort of see Wuxi as having this sort of (fully platonic) "cool older guy crush" on Zishu.

Because of that, I feel like Zishu showing interest in Wuxi and going as far as to offer him to collaborate must have been incredibly validating and exciting. It was a way for Wuxi to be more independent, do something for himself aside from his own training, aside from his role as the young shaman of Nanjiang. Something for his own experimentation and profit--be useful, but also be shown respect and interest by someone he himself is interested in and respects.

I like to imagine that Zishu was already interested in poisons given his field of work and potentially learned a thing or two about that back in Siji manor--even potentially worked on some of his own, and was therefore more than excited to be able to figure out new things with Wuxi's help. On top of that, it must have been pretty fun and gratifying to work on this side hustle which in turn also helped gain some more control over the population (welp).

So yeah! It's nice to think more about what lead to the bond they have, and I can't help but think of how affected Wuxi must have been in TYK when he discovers Zishu's state several years later. Regardless of how helpful Zishu was when Wuxi worked to get Beiyuan out of the capital, he was a friend first and foremost and that alone must be a big reason why Wuxi is so determined to find a way to save him.

(that aside, the illustration was more fun to make than I initially feared. I usually don't like having to work on a ton of tiny details LOL but somehow the atmosphere here made it entertaining!)

(btw! I don't know if I mentioned it before, but in case I didn't: I transliterate "Wuxi" as such ((in one word)) because, him not being han, it feels more right to transliterate his name in a non-han fashion as well. It's unlikely that his family name is Wu and first name is Xi--rather, Nanjiang/Wasa names seem to work differently ((same for Axinlai and Nuaha)) than the typically han family name-first name model. Many thanks to Lianzi and the other members of the 7.0 team for bringing that up! That's it!)

[ltwilliammowett]

The anti seasick ship SS Bessemer Saloon Steamship

The SS Bessemer Saloon Steamship- SS Bessemer for short - was an experimental Victorian passenger side wheel steamer designed to counteract seasickness and operated between Dover and Calais. Her inventor was Sir Henry Bessemer.

Bessemer Saloon Steamer, 1874

In 1868, Bessemer, who suffered from severe seasickness, developed the idea of a ship whose passenger cabin - the saloon - was to be suspended on a gimbal and mechanically held horizontally, thus levelling out the swell and sparing the occupants from the ship's movements. Sounded too good to be true, but more on that later. He patented this ingenious idea in December 1869 and after successful trials with a model in which the levelling was carried out by hydraulics controlled by a helmsman observing a spirit level, Bessemer founded a limited company, the Bessemer Saloon Steamboat Company Limited, which was to operate steamships between England and France. Capital of 250,000 pounds was used to finance the construction of a ship, the SS Bessemer, whose chief designer was the naval architect Edward James Reed.

SS Bessemer, by Henry Spernon Tozer 1874

And so she was built by Earle's Shipbuilding in Hull. She bore the shipyard number 197 and was launched on 24 September 1874. As already mentioned, she was a paddle steamer with four buckets (two buckets each on port and starboard, one forward and one aft). She had a length of 106.68 m (350 feet), a width on deck of 12.19 m (40 feet), an outside width over the bucket boxes of 19.81 m (65 feet), a draught of 2.26 m (7 feet 5 inches) and a gross register tonnage of 1974 tonnes. What also characterised her was that she was completely identical fore and aft, she had two bridges and two wheels, which simply made her faster and more manoeuvrable in both directions. Her maximum speed was about 17.4 knots.

The inner saloon was a room 70 feet long (21 metres) and 30 feet wide (9.1 metres), with a ceiling 6.1 metres above the floor, Moroccan-covered seats, partitions and spiral columns of carved oak and gilded panels with hand-painted murals. The press liked to call it the floating clubhouse. However, the swinging saloon was only intended for first class passengers. The second class, on the other hand, did not enjoy this and had to make do with cabins on the sides of the hull.

Harper's Weekly Interior Pages showing the newly building ultra Luxury Bessemer Channel Steam-Ship, 1874

The disaster begins

On 21 October 1874, the Bessemer had her first misfortune. She had just arrived in Hull to be fitted out when she was driven ashore in a storm. She was refloated and found to be undamaged, which was not entirely true, as would later become apparent.

In March 1875, the ship sailed on a private trial voyage from Dover to Calais. During this voyage she is said to have steered well and even had a top speed of 18 knots. Her swinging saloon is also said to have worked excellently. However, things didn't go so smoothly because on arrival in Calais, a paddle wheel was damaged when she crashed into the pier because it didn't react to the rudder at slow speed.

The first and only public voyage took place on 8 May 1875, with the ship sailing with her revolving cabin locked (some observers suggested this was due to the ship's severe instability, but Bessemer attributed this to lack of time to repair the previous damage). The ship was operated by the London, Chatham and Dover Railway. After two attempts to enter the harbour, it again crashed into the Calais pier, this time destroying part of it. Calais billed the company £2800 for the damage.

The Bessemer Saloon-Ship running foul of Calais Pier. Illustrated London News, 1875

Due to the poor performance, investors lost confidence and the company was dissolved in 1876. On 29 December 1876, the Bessemer ran aground on Burcom Sand in the Humber upstream of Grimsby, Lincolnshire, after the removal of the swivelling saloon and other extensive alterations. She was refloated and taken to Hull. The Board of Trade's investigation into the grounding found that the captain was at fault. His certificate was suspended for three months.After removal, the designer Reed had the saloon cabin taken to his home, Hextable House, Swanley, where it was used as a billiard room. When the house was later converted into a women's college, Swanley Horticultural College, the saloon was used as a lecture theatre, but was destroyed by a direct hit when the college was bombed during the Second World War.

The Saloon as a lecutre theatre

The ship was then docked in Dover until it was sold for scrapping in 1879.

The Theory of the Top. Volume IV, by Felix Klein, Arnold Sommerfeld, London, 2010

The Nautical Magazine for 1874

Sir Henry Bessemer, F.R.S.: An Autobiography, 1905

The Gale, The Times. No. 28140. London. 23 October 1874. col E, p. 8.

London, Chatham & Dover Railway Company

[alwritey-aphrodite]

Omg could you do a little Drabble about slow dancing with Sejanus? Like holding each other close and him placing his head on top of the readers

The return of wingwoman Lucy Gray

Anyone who spoke with her for even a second could tell that Lucy Gray was multitalented. She was an incredible singer and performer, smart as a whip and beyond kind to those she believed deserved it, and willing to rain hell on anyone who crossed her or her loved ones. And, apparently, she was quite the wing woman.

It wasn’t that you were oblivious, exactly, you just never wanted to be caught being a fool or getting taken advantage of in any way, and it seemed unbelievable that anyone as perfect as Sejanus would spare you a second glance. The two of you talk for hours, crowded together in the back of the Hob, but you just assume he’s being nice to you, trying to keep you occupied so his friend could spend time with Lucy Gray.

You missed the way he stared at you when you weren’t looking, and you never caught on to the silent, slightly panicked conversations he had with Lucy Gray over your head or behind your back. Luckily for you and Sejanus, Lucy Gray knew exactly how your mind worked, and she was more determined than ever to make sure you understood exactly what Sejanus was trying to say without words.

“You wanna dance?” Sejanus all but shouted over the noise of the Hob, an explosion of applause as Lucy Gray took to the stage for the first time that night. You hesitated, a small voice in your head calling out that this is some sort of sick joke, but it’s like Lucy Gray can hear your thoughts all the way across the room, and she sends you a wink from the stage. You nod, turning to Sejanus and letting him lead you onto the floor, an impossibly adorable smile forming on his face.

The song is fast, and by the time it ends, you're laughing and out of breath, falling forward to rest your head on Sejanus’s shoulder as you wait for the next song to begin, reluctant to sit back down after all the fun you’re having. To your surprise, the next song is slow, one you know Lucy Gray wrote for the boy from the Capital. Sejanus seems to know exactly what to do, wrapping his arms around you just right and pulling you close before beginning to sway gently.

It’s like nothing exists except the two of you, rocking back and forth to the sound of Lucy Gray’s gentle voice, and you’re suddenly struck by the desire to do nothing but this for the rest of your life. For once in your life, your brain is quiet, and you don’t even think before tucking your head against Sejanus’s shoulder, the two of you now impossibly close. Sejanus reacts immediately, almost like he was hoping for this to happen, and he rests his head on top of yours.

You know the song should be over by now, you’ve heard it about a thousand times before, but the music keeps playing and you keep swaying around the dance floor, content in your own little world where nothing matters except for you and Sejanus. You can’t help but wonder if this was her plan all along, with that mischievous wink she sent you from the stage. You find that you don’t mind at all, and you make a mental note to thank Lucy Gray, just as soon as you can find it in yourself to pull away from Sejanus.

[medlarmeadows]

Hi! My special interest is photo booths...can you do Charlie x fem reader where they take goofy pictures in a photo booth?

If thats too specific, i'd love headcanons or fluffy drabbles about amusement park or arcade dates.

Anon, your request is so freaking cute! The idea of going to photobooths with Charlie is so endearing to me, you got me so excited to write this!! It’s a bit more of a drabble, a little tiny one, but packed with so much fluff. Hope you enjoy!

-

photobooth shenanigans

cc!Charlie Slimecicle x fem!reader

Synopsis: Photobooths have been a special interest of yours for a long time, but where’s the joy in going to photobooths alone? Luckily, your boyfriend is there to indulge in your interests.

Warning(s): tooth-rotting fluff, Charlie calls reader baby/babe, established relationship.

Word count: 866

masterlist || request guidelines

You’re walking down the street with Charlie, your hands swinging between the two of you. Comfortable, peaceful silence surrounds you two, when something catches your eye.

The excited squeal you let out bursts the quiet bubble you’re in.

“Charlie!” you exclaim, pointing towards your object of interest. “Charlie, look!”

“What, baby?” he asks, trying to follow your line of sight. He squints his eyes as if the action would help him spot what you were pointing out.

“Babe, the street’s pretty crowded,” he starts, eyes slightly furrowed as he tries to work out what caught your attention. “What’re you pointing at?”

You’re bouncing on your toes now, excitedly shaking his hoodie sleeve to expel the excess excitement that has built up in your body, before pointing again, exclaiming:

“Photobooth!”

This time, Charlie’s eyes immediately latch on to the photobooth you’re pointing at. It was sitting on the side of the street and was a dull grey booth with a cream curtain and bright blue letters on the side reading PHOTOBOOTH in all capitals. It’s almost impressive how you managed to spot it as it nearly blended into the side of the building.

He’s turning back to you, drinking in your form that was practically buzzing with energy. Your excitement was contagious, and he can’t help but smile fondly at you.

“Do you wanna take a photo together?” Charlie asks, even though he already knows what your answer would be –

“Yes!”

That’s how the two of you end up crammed into a photobooth that looked as though it had seen better days. There was a small bench inside of it, so small that you had to prop one leg on Charlie’s thighs in order for both your butts to fit on the bench.

But of course, it didn’t stop your combined joy from filling up the small photobooth.

You’re quickly inserting a coin into the slot to start the photobooth. You were given three poses, so you and Charlie reacted as quickly as possible between each camera shutter to come up with the goofiest poses you could think of:

The first pose the two of you strike is one of utter seriousness. You both keep a straight face and stare straight into the camera, even if the façade of seriousness was broken by the fact that one of your legs was still propped up awkwardly on Charlie’s lap.

The second pose contains Charlie squishing your cheeks together with his other arm slung around your shoulders, while your hands reach up to muss up his hair. One of your hands don’t quite reach the top of his head because of your awkward position, which sends both of you into a fit of laughter.

The final pose has you both making the funniest faces you could think of. Charlie’s pulling the Zoolander face (cough Edward Twilight cough) while you try your best to contort your face weirdly.

When the photo strips are printed out (you managed to print two to your delight), you’re shocked by the quality of the pictures. The photobooth looked so old you honestly thought that the pictures were going to turn out pixelated, but the photobooth managed to catch every last goof in HD.

“Oh my god,” you say in between laughs, “your Zoolander face has been immortalised in high definition.”

You turn to your boyfriend, admiring the way a spark lights in his eyes as he studies the photo strip in his hands.

“But look at you!” He gestures at the second picture. “Your cuteness has been immortalised too, babe.”

You’re giggling again, slapping Charlie across the bicep.

“Shut up!”

“I’m not lying! You’re so cute here.”

“You’re embarrassing me.”

“Nobody else is in here but us. Who am I embarrassing you in front of?”

You’re quiet for a beat, before a shy smile forms on your face.

“You.”

Charlie’s expression immediately turns cheeky as he leans impossibly closer to you.

“Oh? Do you, perhaps, maybe, have a – ah – crush on, moi?”

What should have probably been a sweet moment is completely ruined because as he says that he pulls the Zoolander face, speaking in an exaggerated tone.

You’re shoving him with more force this time, barking out a laugh at his outlandish expression and tone.

“Stop that! You’re going to give me stitches from laughing so hard – ”

“I’ll stitch you right back up, baby.”

“Charlie!”

The two of you end up goofing around for a bit longer in the photobooth and eventually decide to take another photo. This time, it’s a lot calmer and sweeter, each pose being either a hug or the two of you looking endearingly into each other’s eyes.

And, of course, it ends with a sweet kiss.

Which was promptly ruined by Charlie pulling the Zoolander face when you pull away. You smack him again before snatching up the freshly printed photo strips and bolting out of the photobooth before he can stop you.

You’re sprinting down the street, Charlie hot on your heels. Neither of you care that passers-by are giving you two weird looks. Neither of you notice them.

Because you’re both caught up in the little joys shared between you two that came from a simple photobooth.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Somewhere In The Haze

Pairing: Peeta Mellark X Reader

Synopsis: Peeta returns from The Capital but he isn’t the same

As soon as you heard the news that the rescue team had returned from The Capital, you ran to the infirmary. You passed Johanna on your way to find Peeta and stopped in your tracks. She barely got two words out of her snarky speech when you pulled her to your chest and kissed the top of her shaved head. You ran before she had time to react and passed Finnick and Annie’s romantic reunion and grew giddy over the thought of you and Peeta reuniting in the same way. Your eyes scanned the room and eventually fell on Gale, who you ran to hug.

“I’m glad you’re safe.” You told him before pulling away. Gale watched the way your eyes darted around the room and he let out a sigh.

“He’s in there.” Gale said without meeting your eyes as he nodded towards a room to the left. You broke into a smile and felt your heart skip a beat.

“Thank you.” You said sincerely before running towards the room. You pushed on the door handle but were suddenly pulled back by Haymitch.

“Hold on, sweetheart. I know you’ve been waiting a long time to see lover boy again but you should prepare yourself for what you’re about to see.” Haymitch warned you. You felt a flash of anger towards Haymitch for trying to stop you from going in there and shook your head.

“I’m fine. I don’t care how he looks. Let me in there.” You said and tried to push the door open.

“You’re not fine. And neither is Peeta.” Haymitch tried to prepare you. The gravity in his voice made you stop trying to push past him.

“Why? What’s going on? Is he okay?”

“There’s something you should know.” Haymitch said after a beat of silence. You couldn’t take the anticipation anymore and pushed the door open. You ran inside and pushed open the second set of glass doors with a giddy smile on your face.

“Peeta? Peeta, I’m here.” You shouted as you burst into the room. You watched Peeta’s head perk up at the sound of your voice and he ever so slowly turned his neck to see you. When you saw the state of his bruised and battered face, looking much worse than you had seen from his Capital interviews, your smile dropped and you felt your heart shatter.

“Peeta.” You breathed out. Your heart ached for him so you slowly reached your hand out to touch his face. Peeta backed away from your hand as if in fear and your face twisted in confusion.

“Peeta, it’s me.” You assured him and reached out again. This time, he aggressively swatted your hand away befriend lunging at your neck with both hands. He slammed you into a glass cabinet behind you before throwing you onto the ground by your neck. You barely had time to gasp for air when he got back on top of you and started to strangle you. You tapped the side of his arms to try to get him to let go of you as you struggled to breath.

“Peeta, stop. It’s me.” You wheezed out.

“I know.” He growled and tightened his grip. You watched the corners of your vision darken as the last of your breath left your lungs. The last thing you saw before passing out was the feral look in Peeta’s eyes as he choked you.

When you woke up, your body felt sore and heavy. You had hoped the interaction with Peeta was just another one of your nightmares, but the brace around your neck told you it was all too real.

“I’m sorry. I tried to warn you. That’s not him.” Haymitch said from your bedside, making you jump. You opened your mouth to speak but only a croak came out. You gulped and braced yourself before trying again.

“You’re right. It’s not.” You croaked out.

“I’ll let you get some rest. We can talk about it when you’re feeling better.” Haymitch said with a pat of your hand. You quickly grabbed his hand and pulled his back.

“I want to talk to him.” You croaked.

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“I’ve waited to see him every day for the past 8 weeks. I need to see him.” You said with painful gasps of air between each word.

“Y/n, that wasn’t just some disorientation from his sedation wearing off. Peeta went through intensive torture while he was in The Capital.” Haymitch told you.

“What kind of torture?”

“It’s a method called Hijacking. They inject him with trackerjack venom and show him altered pictures of his life. It’s a form of fear conditioning. They have programmed his mind to see you as life threatening.”

“Can you reverse it?” You asked.

“We’re trying. But we have little to no experience with this sort of thing.” Haymitch sighed.

“Let me talk to him. He just needs to see my face.” You said and tried to sit up.

“You really want to go back in there after what he did to you?” Haymitch asked as he pushed you back down onto your bed.

“If it’ll help him get his memory back, then yes. He’d do it for me.” You said decidedly.

“You’ve never been one to accept “no” for an answer, have you?” Haymitch sighed, knowing he would never get through to you.

“Nope.”

“Fine. But we’re cuffing him.” He reluctantly agreed.

You were escorted back to Peeta’s room with an entirely new feeling in your chest. Last time you were coming to see him, you were giddy and hopeful. Things had been so good between the two of you on the last night in the arena. As you walked to his room now, you felt pure terror. It was like Peeta was possessed by a malevolent spirit that stripped him of every identifying feature you had grown to love. You pushed that feat to the side and entered his room.

“Peeta?” You asked as you pushed through the door. You could see the way Peeta immediately tensed up at the sight of you, so you stayed by the door as not to scare him.

“What are you doing in here?” He asked in a low voice.

“I came to see you. I’ve missed you.” You said as you immediately forgot to keep your distance and took a step towards him. You instinctively reached out to touch his bruised face, but withdrew it when he gave you a disgusted look. Instead, you folded your hands together and gave him a weak smile.

“You look terrible.” He stated, making your smile drop.

“You’ve definitely looked better.” You replied, making him roll his eyes.

“You’re not even remotely nice enough to say that to me right now.”

“Well I was never the nice one. You were.” You told him. Peeta’s expression changed when he heard this but his guard was still up. He looked away from you to look at the restraints on his wrists.

“I was beaten everyday for weeks.” He said without looking up.

“Peeta.” You whispered and took another step towards him. You reached a hand out again and his head snapped up to glare at you.

“I was shocked, whipped, starved, and isolated. Every single day. All because of you. So I’m sorry if I’m not nice anymore.” He said as his voice shook with rage.

Your mouth opened to say something but you found yourself speechless. You’d seen Peeta so many things, but you’d never seen him show hatred. You didn’t know the boy with the bread was capable of that feeling. You wiped a tear that had fallen before composing yourself.

“I never wanted to leave you behind. You need to know that. I had no idea there was a bigger plan at play. I wanted to go back for you. I swear I did. That was the only thing I wanted. But nothing was up to me.” You finally gave him the explanation you’d been practicing in your head for the moment you got to see him again.

“Me either.” Peeta said with a dry laugh. You nodded your head to show you understand his situation was much worse than yours.

“Because if it were, I would’ve let you get tortured by Snow. Not me.” Peeta continued as he raised his voice at you. You winced at the shouting and took a step back.

“I offered to take your place. Snow didn’t accept.” You explained. “I’m so sorry, Peeta. I’m sorry we didn’t get to you sooner. I’m sorry I had to leave you behind.”

“I’m sorry too.” Peeta said sincerely, peaking your interest.

“I’m sorry I threw you bread that day in the rain. I would’ve saved myself a lot of suffering if I just gave that bread to the pigs.” He shouted at you again and ruined one of your fondest memories of him, the very memory that got you through so much of the first games.

“It was the first my family had eaten in days.” You said with a sad smile, hoping Peeta would hear the kindness he had shown you and remember who he really was.

“I burnt it on purpose so I could give it to you. You know my mother beat me for burning it? Why would I take a beating like that for you?” Peeta asked genuinely. You could tell the Peeta you knew was long gone and the Peeta in front of you had no memory of ever loving you.

“Because you are kind. And generous. And people say you love me.” You answered him while hot tears spilled over your face.

“Do people say you love me?”

“I do. I do love you.” You insisted as you stepped forward again. Peter withdrew his entire body from you as much as he could with his restraints. You saw the way he recoiled and stood still.

“People say that’s why Snow tortured you. To hurt me.” You said once you composed yourself.

“Snow said everything out of your mouth is a lie.” Peeta snapped.

“I could say the same for him.” You said back, starting to grow angry. Not necessarily with Peeta, but at whoever came up with the sick joke of Peeta coming back to you but with an entirely new personality that hated you.

“They told me they would only let you in if they restrained me.” Peeta told you as he looked back down at his restraints.

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want them to. But they wouldn’t let me come see you without it.”

“You know what I can’t wait to do once these restraints are off?” Peeta asked with a slight smile on his face. You grew hopeful that the Peeta you knew was coming back and stood up straighter.

“What?” You asked with the same soft smile.

“Kill you for the mutt that you are.” He said with an eerie grin. You gasped a little and took a step back from him.

“You don’t mean that. This isn’t you.” You shook your head as more tears fell down your face.

“This is me. If you don’t think I’m good enough anymore to be your little romance puppet, then get the HELL OUT OF HERE AND NEVER COME BACK.” Peeta’s voice went from a whisper to a scream as he raged at you. You blinked in surprise at his screaming before grabbing the door handle.

“I won’t.” You tearfully told him, then ran out of the room.

The next day, you were sent out to The Capital with your troop for the planned invasion. You were glad to have something to take your mind off of the Peeta situation, even if that something was active combat. Your distraction didn’t last long as you watched a large black truck pull up to where your troop was.

Several guards got off the truck, followed by Peeta. He was handcuffed and looking at the ground as he mumbled something to himself over and over. When he got closer, you realized he was reminding himself of who he was.

“My name is Peeta Mellark. My home is District 12.” He mumbled over and over to himself. It reminded you of when you did the same thing after you escaped the Quarter Quell and you felt a pinch of sympathy for him.

“Whats he doing here?” You asked Boggs.

“Coin wants him in the propos to show the districts that he’s free and on our side.” He explained.

“Do you honestly think he’s in any position to be thrown into active combat? He needs to be resting so he can recover.” You raised your voice, feeling misplaced anger over Peeta being thrown right back into a traumatic situation after what he had just gone through.

“I didn’t make the orders. If you have an issue, take it up with Coin.” Boggs shrugged. You gave him a nod and an apologetic smile to show him you understood he wasn’t the right person to get angry at. You hadn’t even noticed that Peeta had come closer while you’d been talking to Boggs.

“Hello.” Peeta said in a quiet voice. You turned around to see who he was talking to and when you saw no one, you looked at him in surprise.

“Me? Oh. Hi.” You replied stiffly and took a step back from him. Peeta noticed this and looked upset over it.

“How’s your throat?” He asked, taking you by surprise once again.

“Still a little swollen. But I’ll survive.” You replied curtly. Peeta looked at you for a minute and you could’ve sworn he had guilt behind his eyes. He looked down at the cuffs on his wrists and shut his eyes as if trying to block out a memory that dared to approach.

“When you first came to see me, I had just gotten back from the Capital.” He began in a weak voice. “The very last thing I had seen before I was rescued was images of you while a whole room of people told me you were life threatening. I thought my life was in danger when I saw you.”

“Do you still think that?” You asked him.

“No.” He said. Then followed up with, “Not all the time.”

“But sometimes?” You frowned in disappointment.

“Sometimes. They really got me, Y/n. The Capital really messed with my brain.” Peeta told you and you could hear the pain in his voice. You instinctively went to give him a hug, something you always used to do to comfort each other, then stepped back when you remembered that he probably wouldn’t want that from you anymore. Peeta realized what you had almost done and looked slightly disappointed that it hadn’t happened.

“I know.” You said after a beat of silence. You looked him in the eyes and nodded to show him you understood who he was being wasn’t really him. Peeta looked almost grateful and nodded his head as well. You gave him a short smile before walking away, feeling overwhelmed from how much you wanted the person he used to be.

It was too hard to be around Peeta now that he was different and no longer loved you, so you kept your distance from him. That didn’t stop you from looking over your shoulder every so often to check on him while your troop ventured into the Capital. You looked over at Peeta at one point while Boggs was checking the area for pods and saw that he was crouched on the ground and banging his head against his gun to make it hit the wall. His eyes were tightly shut and he was rocking back and forth as his face twisted in pain. You knew he must be having some sort of episode and you instinctively started walking towards him. You stopped when you remembered that he would probably just hurt you again so you stood there and watched him rock back and forth. After just a few more seconds, you couldn’t take it anymore and ran to kneel down beside him.

“Peeta?” You asked and pushed his gun down so he could stop hitting his head against. Peeta just kept hitting his head against the wall, so you pulled his head towards you and held his face.

“Peeta? What’s going on?” You asked him.

“I’m a mutt, I’m a mutt, I’m a mutt.” He whispered shakily under his breath.

“Shhh. No you’re not.” You said softly and tried to pull him into a hug. Peeta roughly pushed you off of him, making you fall back.

“Stay away from me.” He shouted at you. You stared at him in stunned silence and his face slowly melted from anger to sadness.

“Please. I’ll just hurt you again.” He said quietly. You nodded your head and got up to go back to where you were originally standing. You looked over at Peeta and saw that he was just sitting now with his head in his hands. You had no time to react to it before a tidal wave of hot oil came rushing towards you and your troop. You all collectively ran from it and went to seek shelter in a nearby building. As you were climbing the steps, you felt yourself being pulled backward and thrown onto the ground. You barely had time to react before Peeta stood over you and raised his gun as if to bash your head in. He was quickly pulled off of you by another troop member, but Peeta just overpowered him and threw him into the oil. You knew you had to keep running, so you got up and ran into the building. Finnick restrained Peeta once everyone was inside and you moved to the building across the street once the oil went down. You all watched from the window as Peacekeepers blew up the building you had been inside just moments ago. A mandatory viewing from The Capital popped up on the TV and everyone turned their attention to that. Cesar Flickerman announced that you, as well as you whole troop, had just been killing the the collapsed building as the footage rolled behind him.

You sat down and watched the footage from just a few moments ago of your troop running from the oil flood. And from a new perspective now, you watched Peter grab you by the waist and throw you to the ground. Even though you had just lived through it, you still gasped when you saw him attempt to bash your skull in with the butt of his gun. You gulped and looked over at Peeta, who was watching the screen with tears running down the haunted expression on his face.

“So now that they think we’re dead, what do we do?” Gale asked the room.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Peeta spoke, catching everyone by surprise.

“The next move is to kill me. I’m not in control. I just murdered a member of our squad.” Peeta said in a shaky voice.

“That wasn’t you.” You reminded him.

“It was me. I’m a danger to all of you while I’m alive. You should just kill me now and go on with the mission.” Peeta said in defeat. He was himself enough to know the extent of what he had done and somehow, that was more painful than when he was fully gone.

“If it gets to that point where we have to make that decision, I’ll pull the trigger myself.” Gale offered. Everyone seemed to nod in agreement, sparking your anger once again.

“No.” You said loudly, making everyone look at you.

“No one’s killing Peeta. We didn’t go through all that trouble to get him out of The Capital just to kill him.” You tried to sound strong but your voice shook at the mere thought of never seeing him again.

“But-“ Peeta began.

“No.” You cut him off. “You’ve survived too much to be killed by one of us. Since the beginning, it’s been about keeping you alive. That hasn’t changed for me. So no one’s killing you. I’m not losing you. Not again. Not for real.”

Silence filled the room, along with a palpable tension. You quickly dismissed yourself and went into the kitchen to stock up on food. When your troop started moving again an hour later, you moved in silence. Nobody spoke a word about your little outburst. Instead, you all went into the sewer system to avoid being seen by the Capital cameras. You walked for a few hours before settling down for the night.

“You’re the first watch.” Boggs told you moments after you sat down. You nodded and got up to go sit at the end of the tunnel, coincidentally next to where Peeta was sitting. You gave him a quick smile that he did not return. Throughout the night, your gaze wandered over to Peeta every so often, but he never noticed. He was too busy being lost in thought.

“Your favorite color is green, real or not real?” Peeta asked suddenly, speaking so softly you almost didn’t hear him. You perked up when you heard the correct detail about yourself and nodded your head.

“That’s real. You remember that?” You asked in disbelief.

“My memory is getting better. Some things are still fuzzy but I’m starting to be able to differentiate between what’s real and what The Capital made up.” Peeta admitted. You nodded in understanding and scooted closer to him.

“Do you remember anything else?”

“You used to wear your hair in two braids instead of one.” He recalled, making your lips curve into a small smile.

“Yeah. I did.”

“Why did you change it?”

“So my hair doesn’t get caught on my arrow when I pull it out of the sheath. See?” You explained as you pulled an arrow out of the sheath on your back. He watched curiously and then smiled a little.

“That’s smart.” He told you, making you smile as well.

“My dad taught me that. He said that’s how the women in his family wore it when they hunted.”

“Where is he now?” Peeta wondered, making your smile fall.

“He died a long time ago. In a coalmine back in 12.” You told him. Peeta’s face softened and he looked down at his lap.

“My parents are dead too.”

“Prim told me. I’m sorry.” You said and went to put your hand on top of his. You quickly withdrew it and Peeta’s expression somehow grew even sadder. You wondered how long it had been since the last time he’d been touched with something other than abuse. It must’ve been 8 weeks ago back in the Quarter Quell when you kissed him goodbye. Since then, he only knew pain.

“I don’t have anyone left. I don’t know what the point of keeping me alive is if I can’t keep control of myself. It’s not like there’s anyone waiting for me to come home.” Peeta said, drawing you out of his thoughts. You looked at him like he was crazy and sat up to look at him.

“I’m waiting.” You stated. “I’m waiting for you to come home.”

Peeta stared into your eyes for a while and even in the dark, you saw glimpses of the boy you nursed back to health in the first games. The cheeky, witty, and ever loving boy you’d grown to know was staring back at you for the first time in weeks. You wanted to lean in and kiss him, but you knew he would hate it.

“Your favorite color is Orange.” You blurted instead.

“It is?”

“Yes. Soft orange. Like the sunset.” You told him. Peeta smiled softly and looked at you with gratitude.

“Can you tell me anything else?” He asked in a soft voice.

“You’re a painter. And a baker. You always sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. You always double knot your shoelaces.”

“Thank you.” He smiled as he looked into your eyes.

“You’re welcome.” You replied, getting choked up over speaking of the Peeta you once knew.

“I guess you know me pretty well, huh?”

“You learn a lot about a person when you’ve been through what we’ve been through together.”

“Haymitch told me they used Trackerjack venom on me in The Capital. You were bitten too once, real or not real?” Peeta asked you.

“Real. In the first games. After I dropped a nest on you and the careers.”

“I remember making sure you ran away before they did to you what they did to Glimmer. I had to fight Cato to keep him from going after you. I remember wanting to run and follow you, but I didn’t. My leg was too wounded.” Peeta recalled as he stared off into the distance as if he could see it.

“I remember when I found you by the lake. You had camouflaged yourself to look like the ground. You scared me half to death when you grabbed my ankle.” You thought about for the first time in a while.

“I remember that too.” Peeta looked at you and smiled a little.

“I thought I was about to be killed. But when I realized it was you, I had never felt such relief.” You continued as you stared into his eyes.

“That seems like so like ago.” He said wistfully.

“I know. Can you believe those were the simpler times?”

“Nothing is simple anymore. I’m scared it never will be again.” Peeta admitted and looked down at his cuffed hands.

“Me too.” You whispered without ever taking your eyes off him. He blinked slowly and you realized he must be exhausted.

“You should get some sleep.” You told him.

“I’m okay. I don’t need it.”

“We all need it. Just close your eyes. It’s my turn to keep watch anyway.”

“Okay. Just for a little while.” He reluctantly agreed. You watched Peeta shut his eyes and within minutes, he was out. You watched him sleep for a while because for the first time since he had been rescued, he looked peaceful. You felt a little creepy for staring so you eventually looked away and stared down the tunnel beside you.

You suddenly felt something on your shoulder coupled with the tickling sensation of Peeta’s hair on your skin. You looked down to see his head had fallen onto your shoulder in his sleep and he laid peacefully with his head buried in your neck. You gasped a little at the feeling of his skin on yours once again. There were so many times where you thought you’d never touch him again, so to feel his warmth once more brought a range of emotions. Your eyes filled with tears and you sucked in a sharp breath before resting your cheek on top of his head. Tears slipped down your face so you turned your head inwards to kiss the top of his head. You knew you’d never get the chance to do this when he was awake, so you savored every minute of it in case it was the last time. You listened to the sound of Peeta’s shallow breathing before picking up his hand and slipping your fingers between his. You felt a little selfish, but you needed the memory of holding his hand to replace the memory of his hands around your neck.

The peace and quiet didn’t last long and you were up and moving again at the sound of footsteps in the tunnel. You quickly dropped Peeta’s hand and woke up your team before taking off running through the sewers. You ended up having to fight off some mutts that definitely didn’t kill Finnick because who would possibly write something like that not me.

When you got to the surface again, you all ran for your lives as Peacemakers shot at you from all directions. To make matters worse, the ground was being torn up beneath you as you ran. You looked over your shoulder for just a second to see Peeta fall to his knees.

“No, no, no.” Peeta cried and started to hit himself in the head. He curled into a ball as he shouted something unintelligible about being a mutt.

“Peeta, come on. We have to keep going.” You urged as you tried to pull him up.

“I’m a mutt. Leave me behind. I’m a mutt!” He cried and continued to bang his head into the floor.

“Peeta, come on. Get up.” You commanded and tried with all your strength to pull him off the ground.

“I’m a mutt. I’m a mutt.” He whimpered as you got down on your knees beside him.

“Peeta.” You shouted, making him look up at you. Now that he was caught off guard, you pulled him into a kiss. You probably needed it more than he did, but it worked exactly how you’d hoped. When you pulled away, he was entirely himself again and looked at you with that familiar fondness in his eyes.

“Stay with me.” You breathed out. Peeta gulped and then nodded his head.

“Always.” He replied. You took a minute to feel joy over this before pulling him off the ground and running with his hand in yours.

Cressida lead everyone to a shop in town owned by Tigress, a stylist you recognized from the first games. She agreed to hide everyone in her underground cellar while the chaos outside calmed down. When everyone sat down to catch their breath, you stayed standing.

You looked around and noticed Peeta sitting by himself next to a pole. You went over and sat beside him before wordlessly taking the cuffs off of him.

“You should keep these clean or else they’ll get infected.” You told him as you dabbed them clean with a wipe.

“You should cuff me again. It’s still not safe with me.” Peeta said, sounding miserable. You didn’t want to cuff him again, but you knew in your heart that he was probably right. You picked his hand cuffs up and he held out his wrists. His face looked so miserable that you dropped them back into your lap.

“I’ll cuff you tomorrow.” You decided. “You shouldn’t have to sleep with them on.”

“Are you sure?” He asked you.

“Yes. I trust you.” You replied, making his eyes soften a little.

“Even after everything I’ve done?” He asked quietly.

“I know who you are. And who you’re not. When I see you do the bad things, it’s like I’m watching someone else. The Peeta I know…” You trailed off when you felt yourself getting emotional at the thought of the old Peeta. You had to look away from him or you knew you’d cry.

“The Peeta I love isn’t a bad guy. He’s safe and warm and kind. And I owe him my life. So yes, I trust you.” You answered as you stared at your filthy nails. You desperately wanted to see Peeta’s reaction to that, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look up.

“I’m trying really hard to trust you too.” Peeta said after a beat of silence.

“It’s okay. I can’t imagine the war in your head right now. Take your time. Just keep your hands off my throat if you can.” You finally looked up at him with a teasing smile.

“I’ll try.” He returned the smile and you saw a glimpse of the boy you used to know. Peeta looked down at his freed wrists and rubbed them a little.

“Do you not want to cuff me because you want to hold my hand in my sleep again?” He asked without looking at you. Your stomach dropped when you realized you were caught.

“You know about that? I thought you were asleep.”

“I was. But I woke up when I felt you.”

“And you let me hold it?” You asked in disbelief.

“It’s been a long time since someone touched me like that. I wasn’t gonna stop you.” He admitted.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”

“I know why.” Peeta said, making you look at him.

“If I die, you didn’t want the last memory of my hands to be painful.” He continued, somehow knowing your exact thought process.

“That’s exactly why.”

“I thought you said you didn’t know why.” Peeta cracked a smile.

“I was lying.” You admitted

“Snow was right about you. Everything out of your mouth is a lie.” Peeta said with a straight face. Your face fell and he immediately looked concerned.

“I’m kidding. That was a joke.” He assured you.

“Oh. Sorry.” You slowly cracked a smile when you realize Peeta had just made a joke. It reminded you of the time back in the first games when he jokingly said he’d take the bow.

“It’s okay.” He replied and an awkward silence fell between you. You wanted so desperately to keep taking to Peeta, especially now that he seemed more like himself, but you had nothing to say. He was already so fragile so you didn’t want to do or say anything that could set him off. As you raked your brain for happy things to talk about, Peeta broke the silence.

“You know, Haymitch told me you only agreed to be the Mockingjay if Coin agreed to make rescuing me and the others a top priority.” He said without looking at you.

“Yeah. I did.” You confessed. “I never wanted to be the face of this rebellion. I just wanted you home.”

“He also said he woke up to the sound of you screaming for me every night.” Peeta said as he looked into your eyes. You stared at him for a while as you remembered all the times you dreamt about him coming home only to wake up alone in your bed. You felt a tear roll down your face and quickly looked away so you could wipe it. Peeta kept his eyes on you as you did this and you could feel it.

“When you kissed me back there, it was the most lucid I’ve felt since I was captured. Everything was crystal clear to me for a second. Nothing The Capital had conditioned me to believe seemed real. Just for that second though. Now everything is fuzzy again.”

“I wish I would’ve kissed you longer.” You half joked as another tear rolled down your face. Peeta stared at you for a minute with a fondness in his eyes before leaning in. You kept perfectly still as Peeta connected his lips to yours. Even before he was high jacked, Peeta normally wasn’t the one to initiate kisses. He always left it up to you because he knew you had boundaries and he never wanted to push you past them. So to have him kiss you now, especially after what he had been through, made emotion swell up in your chest. You relaxed again this lips and kissed him back, feeling the same hunger for him you felt on the beach. When he pulled away all too soon, he stared into your eyes as if he was trying to figure something out.

“Sorry. I just wanted to see if things would be clear again.” He said in a sheepish voice.

“Were they?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes. Things became very clear.” Peeta said matter of factly. You allowed yourself to feel hope for the first time in who knows how long and eagerly waited for him to speak again.

“It’s gonna take a long for me to fully come back. If I even do make a full recovery, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.” He said with a sadness in his tone but hope in his eyes.

“I’m prepared to love every version of you.” You said simply. Peeta blinked a few times then smiled a little.

“I thought your love was just an act? To win the games?” He asked genuinely.

“It started as that.” You admitted. “I definitely played it up in the first arena to survive. But there were moments, even in the first games, when it was completely and truly real for me. It wasn’t always an act. And I wish, more than anything, that I could go back in time and make sure you knew that. Before all of…this happened to you. I wish I told you what you meant to me. I wish you could’ve known how much I loved you.”

“Well we can’t go back in time. Not even The Capital has figured out how to do that.”

“I know.” You sighed in disappointment and looked away from him. Peeta watched your face carefully before putting his hand on top of yours.

“But I know now. And it made me happy to hear you say that. It made me feel liek myself for a minute. Is that enough for you?” He asked. The inflection in your voice was so true to the old Peeta that you could’ve be sworn he was cured. You looked into his eyes and then reached out and allowed yourself to touch his face after all the times you stopped yourself.

“Yes, Peeta.” You told him. “That’s enough.”

[rorja]

tw. mention of blood and scars, change of pov. not proofread.

gladiator!suguru geto is a sight to behold in the arena. he wielded his weapons with hunger and a controlled fury that he cultivated each day. as long as a life was lost in the magnificent, arched walls of the colosseum, he would never stop. because gladiator!suguru didn't fight for the freedom the emperor could grant him— no, he did so to avenge all the people he called family between the shared dirty corners of that imprisonment.

gladiator!suguru doesn't belong in the arena, and it's a thought that has been plaguing your mind ever since you attended his first game. you can clearly picture it, with the finest silks and gold ornaments on his arms; where a spatha would lose all the meanings men would sang about, belonging less and less to his hands than any scroll would, even in such moments where human emotions prevailed over his reason.

and yet, gladiator!suguru seems to lead a dance only he can hear the sweet sound of. his opponents are quick, strong, muscles all flexed but it's noticeable how they lack in wits. and so, his weapon becomes a melodious lyre telling the gut wrenching tales of all those who got lost in front of his eyes. tales of far away lands he fervently wishes to return to. not under the scorching sun that favors the capital, not the endlessly thundering of his name every time his feet blessed the sand of the colosseum— but the home he was forced to leave behind.

but a starved one could not quell its ceaseless hunger for revenge, for he was no god. and so, how much longer could he last before meeting his ultimate defeat? the silent worry clinging to your question found its answer in the gladius of his enemy. the cheering abruptly ended when gladiator!suguru got brought down to his knees, the blade of his opponent sinking deeper in his thigh. you were quick to react, standing up like the many men and women gasping and praying on the benches made out stone. and your heart sunk perhaps lower than that blade as your eyes eventually caught only a glimpse of that fury residing deep in the gladiator's chest.

it was a blur. you really had no memories of how you happened to be walking the deserted hallways where the gladiators jails were dig in hard stone, with water leaking through the cracks after the twentieth spectacle still going that week. but as hilarious as it could get, you knew each turn of that nearest hell like it was engraved in the palm of your hand. gladiator!suguru's jail came into view soon after and you felt your heart leap in your ribcage. of the wound suffered a week ago, only a scar was what remained. adorning his thigh with yet another triumph.

his muscles stiffened, sweat and dried blood carefully washed away by the cloth held tightly in your hand. a shiver found path from his exposed neckline to the bare signs of survival on his back and beyond. gladiator!suguru knew the effect he had on you, he could sense it amidst the religious silence that accompanied your gentle actions: how your fingers occasionally trembled when touching his skin by mistake, how your eyes lingered on him when you thought he was not looking, how your cheeks would grow red when damping the cloth on the provided basin. he wondered.

how long until your absence got noticed? you were a noble man's precious daughter after all, yet to be married and with a future as one of rome's well-known domina. often gladiator!suguru had wondered why. why would you get down the prisons he was held in like a rabid dog and waste your time on him? and at the very beginning he was tense and wary, wondering if you sought nothing else than a sick, twisted sense of entertainment in treating him this way. but your emotions were sincere, he quickly discovered, and your care honest unlike the men that mended his broken skin just to throw him to that hell once again.

gladiator!suguru was a sight to behold in the arena. he wielded his weapons with hunger and a controlled fury that he cultivated each day. and yet there were moments where his fury would subdue, the screams in his head becoming whispers easier to silence. your hands were a balm over the many burning scars adorning his vulnerable skin, and for a second he felt something akin to relief in seeing his hands clean from the blood he had to spill. you kneeled in front of him once again, his eyes now following closely every movement, unmoving, even when you wasted your kisses on his brightly reddened knuckles.

"you did good" another kiss, "you made me proud once again".

[thedisabilitybookarchive]

Disability in Non-Fiction #1: Plain Text Edition

A plain text version of this post. Here you will find detailed image descriptions and easier-to-read versions of each book summary. If you think that any image descriptions/summaries need to be updated, please let me know!

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‘How to Live Free in a Dangerous World’- Lawson, Shayla

[ID: A book cover. The background is a pale orange colour. In the centre, a large photograph of a person with brown skin standing in front a desert under a blue sky. They have short braided brown hair swept over their left eye, and have their arms crossed over their chest, with one hand resting on the side of their face. The title “How to Live Free in a Dangerous World” is around them in large orange writing that covers the length of the photo. The subtitle “A Decolonial Memoir” is to the right their head in very small white writing. The author’s name “Shayla Lawson” is below the title, at the bottom of the photograph, in smaller yellow writing. Black text at the bottom of the cover reads, under the author’s name, reads “author of ‘this is major’, a national book critics circle award finalist”. /end]

Summary:

Poet and journalist Shayla Lawson follows their National Book Critics Circle finalist This Is Major with these daring and exquisitely crafted essays, where Lawson journeys across the globe, finds beauty in tumultuous times, and powerfully disrupts the constraints of race, gender, and disability.

With their signature prose, at turns bold, muscular, and luminous, Shayla Lawson travels the world to explore deeper meanings held within love, time, and the self.

Through encounters with a gorgeous gondolier in Venice, an ex-husband in the Netherlands, and a lost love on New Year’s Eve in Mexico City, Lawson’s travels bring unexpected wisdom about life in and out of love. They learn the strength of friendships and the dangers of beauty during a narrow escape in Egypt. They examine Blackness in post-dictatorship Zimbabwe, then take us on a secretive tour of Black freedom movements in Portugal.

Through a deeply insightful journey, Lawson leads readers from a castle in France to a hula hoop competition in Jamaica to a traditional theater in Tokyo to a Prince concert in Minnesota and, finally, to finding liberation on a beach in Bermuda, exploring each location—and their deepest emotions—to the fullest. In the end, they discover how the trials of marriage, grief, and missed connections can lead to self-transformation and unimagined new freedoms.

‘Being Seen’- Sjunneson, Elsa

[ID: A book cover. It is a dark black with faint, grey, writing over it. The writing, from top to bottom, reads: “Elsa Sjunneson” “Being Seen” “One Deafblind Woman’s Fight to End Ableism” All in capitals. The “I” in “Being Seen” is designed to look like an opening of sorts, with a ray of light coming through. /end]

Summary:

A deafblind writer and professor explores how the misrepresentation of disability in books, movies, and TV harms both the disabled community and everyone else.

As a deafblind woman with partial vision in one eye and bilateral hearing aids, Elsa Sjunneson lives at the crossroads of blindness and sight, hearing and deafness—much to the confusion of the world around her. While she cannot see well enough to operate without a guide dog or cane, she can see enough to know when someone is reacting to the visible signs of her blindness and can hear when they’re whispering behind her back. And she certainly knows how wrong our one-size-fits-all definitions of disability can be.

As a media studies professor, she’s also seen the full range of blind and deaf portrayals on film, and here she deconstructs their impact, following common tropes through horror, romance, and everything in between. Part memoir, part cultural criticism, part history of the deafblind experience, Being Seen explores how our cultural concept of disability is more myth than fact, and the damage it does to us all.

‘Disability Pride’- Mattlin, Ben

[ID: A book cover. The background is made of simple, colourful red, cream, white, yellow and teal shapes. Large text reads, from top to bottom: “Disability Pride” in large, black capitals, “Dispatches from a Post-ADA World”in smaller, black capitals, “Ben Mattlin”, in slightly bigger red capitals. /end]

Summary:

An eye-opening portrait of the diverse disability community as it is today and how attitudes, activism, and representation have evolved since the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).

In Disability Pride, disabled journalist Ben Mattlin weaves together interviews and reportage to introduce a cavalcade of individuals, ideas, and events in engaging, fast-paced prose. He traces the generation that came of age after the ADA reshaped America, and how it is influencing the future. He documents how autistic self-advocacy and the neurodiversity movement upended views of those whose brains work differently. He lifts the veil on a thriving disability culture—from social media to high fashion, Hollywood to Broadway—showing how the politics of beauty for those with marginalized body types and facial features is sparking widespread change.

He also explores the movement’s shortcomings, particularly the erasure of nonwhite and LGBTQIA+ people that helped give rise to Disability Justice. He delves into systemic ableism in health care, the right-to-die movement, institutionalization, and the scourge of subminimum-wage labor that some call legalized slavery. And he finds glimmers of hope in how disabled people never give up their fight for parity and fair play.

Beautifully written, without anger or pity, Disability Pride is a revealing account of an often misunderstood movement and identity, an inclusive reexamination of society’s treatment of those it deems different.

‘Crip Kinship’- Kafai, Shayda

[ID: A book cover. The background is light blue, with colourful pictures of butterflies, flowers and a house setting featured in the centre. Lower right centre of the image, a black figure in a long sleeved, billowing dress, holding a curved black walking stick in their right hand. Behind them, a drawing of a room with a table, chair, pink wall with a window, and a blank wall with an orange picture. Text on the book cover, from top to bottom, reads: The title “Crip Kinship” in large black font at the top of the image, The subtitle “The Disability Justice & Art Activism of Sins Invalid” in smaller black capitals, in the upper right corner of the image, The authors name “Shayda Kafai” in medium black capitals in the lower right of the image, partially overlapping the figure in the dress. /end]

Summary:

The remarkable story of Sins Invalid, a performance project that centres queer disability justice.

In recent years, disability activism has come into its own as a vital and necessary means to acknowledge the power and resilience of the disabled community, and to call out ableist culture wherever it appears.

Crip Kinship explores the art activism of Sins Invalid, a San Francisco Bay Area-based performance project, and its radical imaginings of what disabled, queer, trans, and gender-nonconforming bodyminds of colour can do: how they can rewrite oppression, and how they can gift us with transformational lessons for our collective survival.

Grounded in the disability justice framework, Crip Kinship investigates the revolutionary survival teachings that disabled, queer of colour community offers to all our bodyminds. From their focus on crip beauty and sexuality to manifesting digital kinship networks and crip-centric liberated zones, Sins Invalid empowers and moves us toward generating our collective liberation from our bodyminds outward.

‘Sounds Like Home’- Wright, Mary Herring

[ID: A book cover. The background is yellow. A black and white photograph in the centre shows two young black children and a dog in front of a car. The title “Sounds Like Home” is at the tope in large, curvy black writing. The subtitle “Growing Up Black and Deaf in the South” is written in small orange writing, on three black bars on the right side of the cover. The author’s name “Mary Herring Wright” is written in curvy black writing, slightly smaller than the title, at the bottom of the cover. /end]

Summary:

Mary Herring Wright’s memoir adds an important dimension to the current literature in that it is a story by and about an African American deaf child. The author recounts her experiences growing up as a deaf person in Iron Mine, North Carolina, from the 1920s through the 1940s. Her story is unique and historically significant because it provides valuable descriptive information about the faculty and staff of the North Carolina school for Black deaf and blind students from the perspective of a student as well as a student teacher. In addition, this engrossing narrative contains details about the curriculum, which included a week-long Black History celebration where students learned about important Blacks such as Madame Walker, Paul Laurence Dunbar, and George Washington Carver. It also describes the physical facilities as well as the changes in those facilities over the years. In addition, Sounds Like Home occurs over a period of time that covers two major events in American history, the Depression and World War II.

Wright’s account is one of enduring faith, perseverance, and optimism. Her keen observations will serve as a source of inspiration for others who are challenged in their own ways by life’s obstacles.

‘The Right to Maim’- Puar, Jasbir K.

[ID: A book cover. The background is white. A painting stretches from the bottom of the cover to bottom of top quarter. In the upper quarter of the cover, text reads: The author’s name “Jasbir K. Puar” is at the top in black writing. The title “The Right to Maim” is immediately below this in red caps. The subtitle “Debility, Capacity, Disability” is immediately below this in smaller, yellow caps. The painting is immediately below this. The background is a dark cream. It appears to show a humanoid figure climbing a mound. Two other figures appear to be falling off the mound. There are splashes of red paint around the mound and the figure on it. /end]

Summary:

In The Right to Maim Jasbir K. Puar brings her pathbreaking work on the liberal state, sexuality, and biopolitics to bear on our understanding of disability. Drawing on a stunning array of theoretical and methodological frameworks, Puar uses the concept of “debility”—bodily injury and social exclusion brought on by economic and political factors—to disrupt the category of disability. She shows how debility, disability, and capacity together constitute an assemblage that states use to control populations. Puar’s analysis culminates in an interrogation of Israel’s policies toward Palestine, in which she outlines how Israel brings Palestinians into biopolitical being by designating them available for injury. Supplementing its right to kill with what Puar calls the right to maim, the Israeli state relies on liberal frameworks of disability to obscure and enable the mass debilitation of Palestinian bodies. Tracing disability’s interaction with debility and capacity, Puar offers a brilliant rethinking of Foucauldian biopolitics while showing how disability functions at the intersection of imperialism and racialized capital.

‘Uncomfortable Labels’- Dale, Laura Kate

[ID: A book cover. The background is a close photograph of some kind of knitted garment, and its label. The garment is blue. The label is in the centre. Text on the label reads: The title “Uncomfortable Labels” in large black caps The subtitle “My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman” in smaller black caps, lower left of this The author’s name “Laura Kate Dale” at the bottom of the label in black writing. A smaller label attached to the bottom has a single, black capitalised “M” written on it. /end]

Summary:

“So while the assumption when I was born was that I was or would grow up to be a neurotypical heterosexual boy, that whole idea didn’t really pan out long term.”

In this candid, first-of-its-kind memoir, Laura Kate Dale recounts what life is like growing up as a gay trans woman on the autism spectrum. From struggling with sensory processing, managing socially demanding situations and learning social cues and feminine presentation, through to coming out as trans during an autistic meltdown, Laura draws on her personal experiences from life prior to transition and diagnosis, and moving on to the years of self-discovery, to give a unique insight into the nuances of sexuality, gender and autism, and how they intersect.

Charting the ups and downs of being autistic and on the LGBT spectrum with searing honesty and humour, this is an empowering, life-affirming read for anyone who’s felt they don’t fit in.

'Brilliant Imperfections'- Clare, Eli

[ID: A book cover. A photograph of stones can be seen. Over it, a dark box stretching from left to right at the top of the image. Text in the box reads: “Brilliant Imperfection”, in large caps. “Brilliant” is in green, “Imperfection is in white. “Grappling With Cure”, in small, green caps. “Eli Clare”, in white caps. /end]

Summary:

In Brilliant Imperfection Eli Clare uses memoir, history, and critical analysis to explore cure—the deeply held belief that body-minds considered broken need to be fixed.

Cure serves many purposes. It saves lives, manipulates lives, and prioritizes some lives over others. It provides comfort, makes profits, justifies violence, and promises resolution to body-mind loss. Clare grapples with this knot of contradictions, maintaining that neither an anti-cure politics nor a pro-cure worldview can account for the messy, complex relationships we have with our body-minds.

The stories he tells range widely, stretching from disability stereotypes to weight loss surgery, gender transition to skin lightening creams. At each turn, Clare weaves race, disability, sexuality, class, and gender together, insisting on the nonnegotiable value of body-mind difference. Into this mix, he adds environmental politics, thinking about ecosystem loss and restoration as a way of delving more deeply into cure.

Ultimately Brilliant Imperfection reveals cure to be an ideology grounded in the twin notions of normal and natural, slippery and powerful, necessary and damaging all at the same time.

================================================

A short list of 8 non-fiction books featuring and/or discussing disability!

I don't highlight the non-fiction section of the archive enough, so I think this is a perfect opportunity.

A plain text version of this post exists here, featuring more detailed image descriptions of each book cover and easier-to-read versions of every summary.

Books on this list:

‘How to Live Free in a Dangerous World’- Lawson, Shayla

‘Being Seen’- Sjunneson, Elsa

‘Disability Pride’- Mattlin, Ben

‘Crip Kinship’- Kafai, Shayda

‘Sounds Like Home’- Wright, Mary Herring

‘The Right to Maim’- Puar, Jasbir K.

‘Uncomfortable Labels’- Dale, Laura Kate

'Brilliant Imperfections'- Clare, Eli

All of these books and more can be found on the Disability Book Archive.

Happy Disability Pride Month!

[narcissistshandler]

omg! request!! pt 2. of hobie's fic pleasure to insanity(? i think) the one w anal beads,,, the first one is reader inserting it, but for part2, reader taking out the anal beads and fingers him. thats all! hehe thankyouu

𝗜𝗡𝗦𝗔𝗡𝗜𝗧𝗬 𝗧𝗢 𝗖𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗔𝗣𝗦𝗘

✧ 𝖯𝖠𝖨𝖱𝖨𝖭𝖦 gn!reader x hobie brown

✧ 𝖶𝖠𝖱𝖭𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲 overstimulation, anal beads, bottom!hobie, fingering, anal play, implied fainting

✧ 𝖠/𝖭 this is very short and I will correct any grammar mistakes soon. I hope you like it (part one here)

There was saliva dripping from Hobie's mouth and running down his cheek onto the pillow under his head. His fingers had lost the strength where they previously gripped the pillow and his whole body felt numb, his skin hot to the touch and tingling.

His hole worn and stretched after all those long minutes or hours, Hobie didn't know, he couldn't remember what time it was now or what time it was when you pushed him down on the bed and started sliding each ball from the littlest anal beads to the biggest into him. It appeared to be dark outside, but maybe that was just exhaustion affecting the view in his half-closed eyes.

"Can I take it off now?" you questioned bending over him to get a view of his face. Hobie took a deep breath, quick, ragged breaths which demonstrated how much you playing with his body had affected him, not even fighting capitalism and patriarchy had ever exhausted him so much.

Despite the numbness straining each of his limbs, rigidly curled into a half-bent position, the weight inside him demanded all of his attention. The silicone spheres flattened against each other, filling his channel, his hole that although he could barely feel it, he knew was barely closing by the toy that the contractions constantly tried on their own to expel. Each of those attempts sent shocks through the muscles in his legs.

"Yes, just-" Hobie sighed, "Be quick."

One of your hands landed on the curve of his hip, reassuring, firm. The other's hand touch disappeared and as soon as the thread connecting the anal beads was pulled - even if it was a slight tug - it made Hobie's whole body tense. He could feel the balls shifting inside him, reacting to the pull and hovering there, right on the taut edge of his hole. You stopped. Hobie took a deep breath. And then, without waiting for the air to even fully leave his lungs, your finger wrapped around the rope and you pulled hard, your hand on Hobie's hip doing its best to keep him still during the process.

All the silicone spheres that filled his channel moved together, one pressing against the other in their attempt to follow the pull of the rope and get out of him. His edge expanded and like a violent wave all the balls from the biggest to the smallest came out of him aggressively, carrying with them a huge amount of lubricant that gave the false impression that Hobie's ass was producing lubrication.

It was all so sudden that Hobie felt like lightning went through his entire body, from head to toe.

His mouth dropped open, throat dry and scratchy producing a scream that ended in silence. His legs twitched, feet curled and his hole convulsed. There was a wet puddle growing beneath him and Hobie didn't know if he'd managed to come again, squirted, or pissed himself. None of the options were quite understood in his overloaded mind, it was wet, but then sweat clung to his black skin, lube, semen and saliva creating a disgusting mess.

He was suddenly empty, all the weight and fullness inside him gone, and all Hobie felt was the throbbing - it was the blood coursing through his veins and pulsing in his ears. His skin was on fire, hole opening and closing in involuntary contractions, your fingers passed over the swollen edge like a light caress, feeling the pulse beneath your digits. Your voice was far away, Hobie couldn't understand what you were talking about, even breathing was becoming difficult, trying to stop the violent tremor that shook his bones was out of the question.

Your fingers pressed in with ease, Hobie's hole was open and leaking, the touch was too much and Hobie weakly warned you about it, but maybe the voice didn't even leave his throat. Two fingers slipped inside through the swell of the relaxed edge and wedged between the walls, convulsing over and over. Hobie's right leg kicked out with a cracking sound; an unthinking reaction to the stimulation that was so much it hurt and burned all the way from your fingers entering him, a phantom sensation that Hobie located between sweltering heat, tenderness and sweat; a crack sounded.

Hobie tried to drag himself away from the touch, even though in the pit of his stomach what burned along with the pain was pleasure, desire, a need for more that sent his overheated mind spinning. His cock, wet and softened, twitched weakly in response.

Darkness grew under his eyelids. Hobie moaned like a wounded animal, feeling every joint of your fingers slide deeper and deeper, taking advantage of how easy and relaxed his hole was after taking a fist-sized silicone sphere.

There was no stretching and his inside burned so hard the intrusion was barely felt and yet, your fingers in him were all his body could focus on, nothing else mattered, nothing else... In seconds, verything faded.

[makapatag]

Tactical Combat, Violence Dice and Missing Your Attacks in Gubat Banwa

In this post I talk about game feel and decision points when it comes to the "To-Hit Roll" and the "Damage Roll" in relation to Gubat Banwa's design, the Violence Die.

Let's lay down some groundwork: this post assumes that the reader is familiar and has played with the D&D style of wargame combat common nowadays in TTRPGs, brought about no doubt by the market dominance of a game like D&D. It situates its arguments within that context, because much of new-school design makes these things mostly non-problems. (See: the paradigmatic shift required to play a Powered by the Apocalypse game, that completely changes how combat mechanics are interpreted).

With that done, let's specify even more: D&D 5e and 4e are the forerunners of this kind of game--the tactical grid game that prefers a battlemat. 5e's absolute dominance means that there's a 90% chance that you have played the kind of combat I'll be referring to in this post. The one where you roll a d20, add the relevant modifiers, and try to roll equal to or higher than a Target Number to actually hit. Then when you do hit, you roll dice to deal damage. This has been the way of things since OD&D, and has been a staple of many TTRPG combat systems. It's easy to grasp, and has behemoth cultural momentum. Each 1 on a d20 is a 5% chance, so you can essentially do a d100 with smaller increments and thus easier math (smaller numbers are easier to math than larger numbers, generally).

This is how LANCER works, this is how ICON works, this is how SHADOW OF THE DEMON LORD works, this is how TRESPASSER works, this is how WYRDWOOD WAND works, this is how VALIANT QUEST works, etc. etc. It's a tried and true formula, every D&D player has a d20, it's emblematic of the hobby.

There's been a lot more critical discussion lately on D&D's conventions, especially due to the OGL. Many past D&D only people are branching out of the bubble and into the rest of the TTRPG hobby. It's not a new phenomenon--it's happened before. Back in the 2010s, when Apocalypse World came out while D&D was in its 4th Edition, grappling with Pathfinder. Grappling with its stringent GSL License (funny how circular this all is).

Anyway, all of that is just to put in the groundwork. My problem with D&D Violence (particularly, of the 3e, 4e, and 5e version) is that it's a violence that arises from "default fantasy". Default Fantasy is what comes to mind when you say fantasy: dragons, kings, medieval castles, knights, goblins, trolls. It's that fantasy cultivated by people who's played D&D and thus informs D&D. There is much to be said about the majority of this being an American Samsaric Cycle, and it being tied to the greater commodification agenda of Capitalism, but we won't go into that right now. Anyway, D&D Violence is boring. It thinks of fights in HITS and MISSES and DAMAGE PER SECOND.

A Difference Of Paradigm and Philosophies

I believe this is because it stems from D&D still having one foot in the "grungy dungeon crawler" genre it wants to be and the "combat encounter balance MMO" it also wants to be. What ends up happening is that players play it like an immersive sim, finding ways to "cheese" encounters with spells, instead of interacting with the game as the fiction intended. This is exemplified in something like Baldur's Gate 3 for example: a lot of the strats that people love about it includes cheesing, shooting things before they have the chance to react, instead of doing an in-fiction brawl or fight to the death. It's a pragmatist way of approaching the game, and the mechanics of the game kind of reinforce it. People enjoy that approach, so that's good. I don't. Wuxia and Asian Martial Dramas aren't like that, for the most part.

It must be said that this is my paradigm: that the rules and mechanics of the game is what makes the fiction (that shared collective imagination that binds us, penetrates us) arise. A fiction that arises from a set of mechanics is dependent on those mechanics. There is no fiction that arises independently. This is why I commonly say that the mechanics are the narrative. Even if you try to play a game that completely ignores the rules--as is the case in many OSR games where rules elide--your fiction is still arising from shared cultural tropes, shared ideas, shared interests and consumed media.

So for Gubat Banwa, the philosophy was this: when you spend a resource, something happens. This changes the entire battle state--thus changing the mechanics, thus changing the fiction. In a tactical game, very often, the mechanics are the fiction, barring the moments that you or your Umalagad (or both of you!) have honed creativity enough to take advantage of the fiction without mechanical crutches (ie., trying to justify that cold soup on the table can douse the flames on your Kadungganan if he runs across the table).

The other philosophy was this: we're designing fights that feel like kinetic high flying exchanges between fabled heroes and dirty fighters. In these genres, in these fictions, there was no "he attacked thrice, and one of these attacks missed". Every attack was a move forward.

So Gubat Banwa removed itself from the To-Hit/Damage roll dichotomy. It sought to put itself outside of that paradigm, use game conventions and cultural rituals that exist outside of the current West-dominated space. For combat, I looked to Japanese RPGs for mechanical inspiration: in FINAL FANTASY TACTICS and TACTICS OGRE, missing was rare, and when you did miss it was because you didn't take advantage of your battlefield positioning or was using a kind of weapon that didn't work well against the target's armor. It existed as a fail state to encourage positioning and movement. In wuxia and silat films, fighters are constantly running across the environment and battlefield, trying to find good positioning so that they're not overwhelmed or so that they could have a hand up against the target.

The Violence Die: the Visceral Attacking Roll

Gubat Banwa has THE VIOLENCE DIE: this is the initial die or dice that you roll as part of a specific offensive technique.

In the above example, the Inflict Violence that belongs to the HEAVENSPEAR Discipline, the d8 is the Violence Die. When you roll this die, it can be modified by effects that affect the Violence Die specifically. This becomes an accuracy effect: the more accurate your attack, the more damage you deal against your target's Posture. Mas asintado, mas mapinsala.

You compare your Violence Die roll to your target's EVADE [EVD]. If you rolled equal to or lower than the target's EVD, they avoid that attack completely. There: we keep the tacticality of having to make sure your attack doesn't miss, but also EVD values are very low: often they're just 1, or 2. 4 is very often the highest it can go, and that's with significant investment.

If you rolled higher than that? Then you ignore EVD completely. If you rolled a 3 and the target's EVD was 2, then you deal 3 DMG + relevant modifiers to the DMG. When I wrote this, I had no conception of "removing the To-Hit Roll" or "Just rolling Damage Dice". To me this was the ATTACK, and all attacks wore down your target's capacity to defend themselves until they're completely open to a significant wound. In most fights, a single wound is more than enough to spell certain doom and put you out of the fight, which is the most important distinction here.

In the Thundering Spear example, that targets PARRY [PAR], representing it being blocked by physical means of acuity and quickness. Any damage brought about by the attack is directly reduced by the target's PAR. A means for the target to stay in the fight, actively defending.

But if the attack isn't outright EVADED, then they still suffer its effects. So the target of a Thundering Spear might have reduced the damage of an attack to just 1 (1 is minimum damage), they would still be thrown up to 3 tiles away. It matches that sort of, anime combat thing: they strike Goku, but Goku is still flung back. The game keeps going, the fight keeps going.

On Mechanical Weight

When you miss, the mechanical complexity immediately stops--if you miss, you don't do anything else. Move on. To the next Beat, the next Riff, the next Resound, think about where you could go to better your chances next time.

Otherwise, the attack's other parts are a lot more mechanically involved. If you don't miss: roll add your Attacking Prowess, add extra dice from buffs, roll an extra amount of dice representing battlefield positioning or perhaps other attacks you make, apply the effects of your attack, the statuses connected to your attack. It keeps going, and missing is rare, especially once you've learned the systematic intricacies of Gubat Banwa's THUNDERING TACTICS BATTLE SYSTEM.

So there was a lot of setup in the beginning of this post just to sort of contextualize what I was trying to say here. Gubat Banwa inherently arises from those traditions--as a 4e fan, I would be remiss to ignore that. However, the conclusion I wanted to come up to here is the fact that Gubat Banwa tries to step outside of the many conventions of that design due to that design inherently servicing the deliverance of a specific kind of combat fiction, one that isn't 100% conducive to the constantly exchanging attacks that Gubat Banwa tries to make arise in the imagination.

[gittetj]

You've mentioned that you hc Reigen as ace, can you elaborate?

I agree w/ that but can't sort my thoughts out well enough to make a coherent analysis ;w;

Yeah, that's the vibe he gives me. No concrete "evidence" and I don't care all that much about the sexual orientations of fictional characters, but I guess for me, the headcanon comes down to three things:

1) Reigen is super disinterested in other people being attracted to each other. I feel like there are several small examples of this, but first one that comes to mind is that case with the esper who can astral project and uses it to stalk his neighbor. When they discover this, Reigen has such a non-reaction. I've seen a lot of people bring up these panels

which, yeah, but when they find the culprit, Reigen also doesn't express much of an opinion. It's just "it's a stalker, stalking is bad and illegal, this is a job for the police." No more introspection from him, he immediately moves on, it doesn't interest him. Mob is the one doing all the reacting.

2) Reigen never resorts to flirting despite how he's known for bullshitting his way through anything else to complete a job. Like, no matter how horny Studio Bones is for the guy, they can't change this. He could deliberately capitalize on the fact that a considerable amount of his income comes from massaging middle-aged ladies who find him attractive, but he doesn't. It's accidental. It does not even seem like something Reigen thinks about.

3) Reigen's a self-conscious person, yet doesn't act like it bothers him that he's seemingly never been in a relationship before. He explicitly has a crisis over being lonely in the confession arc, but it's about friends and connections and doing something meaningful with his life. Romantic relationships don't factor into it, even though it easily could, considering it has great thematic relevance for Mob who spends the entire story being in love. Not that you can't fall in love with someone if you're ace, this goes a little bit into aro territory I guess, but either way.. it just gives me that vibe. The indifference. I mean, even in chapter 99 when Mob point-blank asks Reigen for advice about Tsubomi, Reigen first asks Serizawa, then looks it up on his phone, exactly like he would with any other topic he doesn't know jack shit about.

Also, at the end of the scene, he muses about what's important in a relationship, and his conclusions just.. don't sound like he's talking about romance? To me?

I don't know, that entire scene gives me flashbacks to being younger and not yet knowing what asexuality (or aromanticism) is and having to navigate conversations like that without giving away that you fundamentally can't relate to this thing everyone else is so preoccupied with.

Them's my takes, I don't have much else to say about it.