#and then randomly it clicks into place

[batsplat]

marc marquez letting an italian pass him at assen? *insert here a generic joke about rossi being mad*

had marc been a real hater he’d take off the wheels and win by 16 seconds riding only chassis after receiving a tyre pressure warning

a sequel to phillip island 2003, I like it conceptually

this is his problem. (giving him a pass this weekend, see you after the summer break.) he's not enough of a hater these days, he needs to find his way again... he needs to remember some of his best work is fuelled by spite... I remember his misano 2017 where he simply refused to lose that race after those italian fuckers had gotten his head hot... he knows this is how his brain works, he can channel this, he's seen the script... misano 2019, let's not forget, he'd just lost two back-to-back dramatic last lap duels... sure, he might have been walking the championship with insulting ease, but he still had something to prove... and what does he do? he stalks the yamaha riders on friday. in misano. he comes out on track during saturday qualifying ahead of dovi and valentino, decides to dawdle and let them past. and then he jumps on valentino's rear tyre. in misano. in the first year in which valentino just wasn't an on-track rival any more he had any real competitive reason to fuck with. but had the intention of using valentino to go faster. in misano

and then he gets super mad about the resulting drama and ends up snatching the win in the subsequent last lap duel against the rookie brat who is way harder to be a hater of!! that was proper hating, like that was a weekend long masterclass in hating. man touched down on italian soil and had a mission

anyway unfortunately I do think it's harder these days, like you can't just do that to any italian? what's he gonna do at assen, get all heated up when fighting diggia - a man I regularly forget does actually have a proper vr46 link now courtesy of riding for their team - for pee five? back in the day, he did have the decency to only ever finish behind an italian at assen when one of said italians was valentino (on three occasions, '13 '15 '17)... he used to show some respect for the narrative... but y'know some good old spite probably really would help him in weekends like that to keep it together a bit more. he's got to get something going with pecco for his own sake. in assen he probably never had the pace with all the spite in the world... next year, we'd better be cooking something special

[flash-from-the-past]

Panda's BIG Adventure

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

It sometimes hits me out of the blue how absolutely batshit INSANE my life is.

[icanseethefuture333]

Why was a zionist following me omg???

[identityquest]

ive been playing a lot of pokemon-like games lately to search for something new to fill the void of the desire to collect creatures... so many games show so much promise but there's always something holding them back. it's usually just like one thing and i cant get too mad bc a lot of them are either extremely inexpensive or outright free. but it sucks to be playing a game thats otherwise solid only for it to suck bc like, the writing is abysmal or the gameplay loop is miserable. the most egregious thing ive encountered in a lot of these games is the lack of a robust bestiary. like thats the main reason i played pokemon and stuck with it, when prof rowan asked me to research for him i took that seriously 😭 i want to know abt the animals please for the love of god give me a description, a habitat range some fun facts. please

[atempause-art]

you gotta understand that i turned out the way i did cause while you were busy on girlsgogames or webkins or some shit, my 12 year old ass was on flash game sites actively playing submachine which can now be described as a backrooms liminal horror before it begame a genre while knowing fuck all english which only made the games creepier with no story context

[digisurvive]

The biggest thing I got out of Survive is that I'm a better artist now, yipeee

[rimster]

sorry for coining this url then not being active on here for 6 years then suddenly emerging out of the nowhere and inundating all of your dash’s btw. i will do better

[aria0fgold]

My twitter account revives randomly and now I decided to revive it by sending a tweet that's just me saying "evil cain knightley. aaand post." I think that's a good use of that account.

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

from the start !

so. . what are we ??

you’ve been katsuki’s for as long as you can remember.

sure, he had never outwardly called you his girlfriend, but when you were both seven years old, he came up to you. chest heaving slightly from running up and down the hill where he had gotten you a freshly plucked out bouquet of flowers. the roots were still clinging to them and he got dirt all over your hands from forcibly grabbing them and shoving the bouquet in them before you could even form a sentence.

“since you accepted the flowers, you’re mine now.” he mumbled, his little hands tightened into fists at his sides and chubby cheeks a cute shade of pink, staring at you as confidently as he could.

a grin grows on his face when you respond with a simple “okay !” and a bright smile. the grin on his face never disappears even as his mom scolds him for getting you both all dirty.

you were katsuki’s in middle school too, when the boys in class decided to play kiss, marry, kill and he had somehow gotten dragged into it. the girls in your class tried their best to seem uninterested, claiming the boys were being childish, but you noticed how hard some of them were straining their ears trying to hear what the guys were talking about in their own little corner of the room. you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little curious as well.

katsuki was as ruthless as you’d known him to be, choosing to kill any girl that wasn’t to his liking, which ended up being all of them. much to the other boys’ chagrin, claiming he had no taste.

then your name was brought up.

at that, his eyes widened and he turned in his seat to see if you were watching. you had never turned your head away so fast in your life and you were pretty sure you heard something go “crack”.

he clicked his tongue. mumbling something about how stupid the game was before muttering out a “kiss yn, marry yn and kill that other bitch.” before getting up and stomping away, claiming he had to go to the bathroom followed closely by the whoops and hollers of his two friends behind him.

you both made eye contact when he walked out and you think you’ll never forget how red his cheeks were.

you were katsuki’s when he was the one to walk you to and from school everyday, claiming you would somehow get lost without him. you were katsuki’s when he had begrudgingly shoved homemade valentines day chocolates into your arms, mumbling something about how you had been upset nobody had gotten you anything last year, conveniently leaving out the fact he had scared off all the other guys trying to offer you anything.

you were katsuki’s when he grabbed your hand during the winter because he said you’d “end up dying of hypothermia with the way you’re chittering over there.” and you were his when you were the only person he laughed around. loud, genuine laughter that you and only you could squeeze out of him. you were katsuki’s when he randomly kissed you goodnight at your door one night and he’s been doing it ever since, and gets all pouty when you turn away from his kisses to tease him.

“are we dating ?” you had asked him. you’re both in high school now and you’re in his dorm room. your legs are on his lap and he’s got a comfortable grip on your leg, which tightens after he registers your questions “hah?” he looks utterly confused and a little insulted as he looks back at you, his entire face scrunched up in confusion. you pinch his nose and he swats at your hand.

“are we dating ? like—am i your girlfriend.” you say again and katsuki’s face scrunches up even harder. he huffs and looks back at his phone, landing a little smack on your leg still placed in his lap. “ ‘course yer my fuckin’ girlfriend.” he spits out, obviously irritated. then he looks back at you “I haven’t made it obvious ?” he says sarcastically. one of his eyebrows lifted as he pokes at your leg still very much in his lap.

you simply shrug “s’not that. it’s just because you’ve never actually asked me out before, so i was a little confused on where we stood.” you mumble. he stares at you while you speak and he stares a little longer before sighing. then he leans towards you and flicks your forehead.

“ow !”

“dumbass.” he murmurs. there’s a slight pout on his face and his cheeks are light shade of pink when he looks you in the eyes again. he grabs both your cheeks with one hand and smushes them together to push your lips out and presses multiple wet kisses onto them that have you squealing and squirming. his wet lips are pulled into a smirk when he pulls back and you try your best to at least look a little angry, you really do. but it’s useless when he looks at you like that.

“of course you’re my girlfriend” he reiterates. his smirk’s been replaced for something softer, something more sincere as he gazes at you with so much unadulterated affection it makes your head spin a little. “you’ve always been mine.” he says it in a teasing tone and his hand is still smushing your cheeks out and it hurts a little but his eyes are still the same. they’re warm and soft and so, so enamored with you and only you.

when he finally let’s go of your face and pulls you fully into his lap, you realize katsuki’s been yours for as long as you’ve been his.

you smile brightly at him but turn your nose up when he leans in to kiss you again. “i still haven’t heard what i wanna hear though, mr. bakugou.”

he rolls his eyes and pinches at your thigh as he mumbles out a “don’t call me that.” sighing, he looks at you intensely and you suddenly feel very shy.

“will you be my girlfriend, ya shitty girl ?” and he says it as a joke, you both know it is cus his lips are already forming into a smirk the second he finishes his sentence. and you’re pulling at his nose the moment you register it, but you’re both smiling hard. he laughs and you’re sure you’ll never get tired of the sound. “what’s your answer, pretty ?” he asks playfully and you pretend to really think it over just to mess with him, and giggling out a “yes!” when he suddenly pounces on you. flipping you both over and tickling you mercilessly, calling it revenge for you “taking too damn long to answer.”

you’d been katsuki’s for as long as you can remember, and you hope you can be forever.

[clenastia]

self confidence is a skill that can be learned and you have to let yourself and your art exist distinct from how others perceive it. you will never exist or create in a way that nobody criticizes and that is NOT a bad thing. you obviously care a lot about your work or you wouldn't fret over it this much, but fixating so heavily on the potential opinions of people you made up to criticize you isn't healthy and isn't doing you any good. you're allowed to set that weight down and I truly believe you can do it.

I do try! when i catch myself spiralling i generally try to forcfully redirect my thoughts, even if it means completely ignoring whatever triggered it, but unfortunately sometimes i feel like im stuck in a loop because thinking of getting published triggers spirals of anxiety so i cant think too much about it which means i never get around to DOING it which makes me upset because i've always WANTED to get published, but when i try to seriously consider it i get all tangled up in the anxieties and ugh.

in all honesty i fell into the trap of thinking therapy would be a quicker fix than it is, where the therapist could give me a list of steps to do and my anxiety/issues would go away once i did them. so i put a bunch of unrealistic expectations on therapy but unfortunately there IS no magical list of steps to making your brain work right. you just. gotta wake up every day and push your way through the spirals and face the things you're afraid of. meds help, for sure, i don't get panic attacks anymore and the anxiety doesn't stress me out so much i end up crying or shutting down most of the time. but like. everything else, the solution is just: ignore it. keep trying. and there's no. fucking. steps to just. "do these three things and your brain will work like a neurotypical one!" and it fucking sucks and i hate it and i still gotta keep trying if i wanna get anywhere.

I haven't been on meds for a full year yet, and therapy less than that, so im sure with time I'll get to a place where i CAN push through those specific fears and get to where i want to be, and that in a lot of ways i'm still just rushing things and wishing i could be better NOW instead of having to put in months and years of work.

a lifetime of self-worth issues don't get resolved with pills and six months of therapy, but sometimes its just so GODDAMN unfair and i just want a magic cheat sheet to getting better :(

or maybe someone who can do like. literally everything for me so i don't have to face it myself lol.

can there be a business for that? like. be your own ghost writer. someone else gets all the credit and hate mail and deals with all the publishers. but you get to write your silly little stories and still make profit.

that'd be nice xD

totally ripe for abuse and probably actually a terrible idea but like. in an idealistic way. it'd be nice. y'know?

[skanktank]

I rolled my ankle while standing still I should be allowed to go home early

[flwrstqr]

✶ ENHYPEN REACTION WHEN YOU SAY "MARRY ME" RANDOMLY

엔하이픈 ୨୧ f ! r ・ 12OO fluff established relationship cw ・kisses, petnames (՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞) feedbacks and reblogs are highly appreciated and encouraged! ── click

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆 (이희승)

you’re sitting on the couch, your head resting on heeseung’s shoulder, when you suddenly look up at him, a playful smile on your lips. “marry me,” you say, half-joking but with a hint of sincerity. heeseung’s eyes widen for a split second before he breaks into that adorable smile you love so much. “right now?” he teases, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your forehead. “of course, baby. just give me the time and place.” you giggle, feeling your heart flutter as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer. “i’m serious,” you mumble against his chest, and he lifts your chin to kiss your lips this time. “i know, my love,” he whispers, his voice soft, “and i’d say yes every time.”

rest of the members below !!

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐀𝐘 (박종성)

you’re lying in bed with jay, his arm wrapped around you, when you suddenly blurt out, “marry me.” he pauses, his eyes searching yours as if to see if you’re serious. “are you proposing to me right now?” he asks, a grin slowly spreading across his face. you nod, biting your lip with a small growing on your face. he leans in, brushing his lips against yours in a soft kiss before whispering, “i’d marry you in a heartbeat, angel.” his words make your heart race, and you can’t help but smile as he pulls you closer, his thumb gently tracing circles on your skin. “i love you, you know that?” he murmurs, pressing another kiss to your forehead. “and i’ll be ready whenever you are.”

𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 (심재윤)

you’re sitting on the edge of the bed with jake, playfully nudging his shoulder when you suddenly say, “marry me.” his eyes widen for a split second before a smirk tugs at the corner of his lips. “dang it, i was gonna say it first,” he teases, shaking his head in mock frustration. you giggle, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his cheek. “too slow, baby,” you reply. he chuckles, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer. “fine, you win,” he murmurs, kissing the tip of your nose. “but only because i love you,” he adds, his tone light and playful.

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 (박성훈)

you’re lying on the couch with sunghoon, your head resting on his chest when you suddenly whisper, “marry me.” he freezes, eyes widening as he sits up slightly, his mind racing. “wait, so where and when? but then how many people would we invite? and what about—” you can’t help but giggle at his seriousness, interrupting him with a soft kiss on the cheek. “baby, it’s just a joke,” you say, smiling at his adorable overthinking. he blinks, processing your words, then relaxes, a shy smile forming on his lips. “oh, well, i was gonna say yes to that proposal—” before he can finish, you quickly add, “never mind, i’m marrying you"

𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎𝐎 (김선우)

ou suddenly blurt out, “marry me, sunoo.” his eyes widen in surprise before he breaks into the softest smile. “what?” he laughs, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. you grab his hand, squeezing it gently, “i mean it, marry me.” he looks at you with those eyes as he leans in closer, his nose brushing yours. “you’re so random, baby,” he whispers, pressing a sweet kiss on your lips. “but yes, i’ll marry you,” he adds, kissing you again, longer this time. his lips taste like strawberries, and you giggle against his mouth. “my forever love,” he murmurs between kisses, pulling you into his arms, holding you tight like he never wants to let go. “let’s stay like this forever, yeah?” he says softly, planting a kiss on your forehead

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍 (양정원)

you’re cuddled up with jungwon when you suddenly say, “marry me, wonnie.” he looks at you, surprised, then bursts into a soft laugh, his dimples showing. “what?” he teases, but there’s a twinkle in his eyes. you pout playfully, “i’m serious! marry me!” he grins and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. “well, nice timing,” he says, opening it to reveal a beautiful ring. now you’re the one who’s shocked, eyes wide as he slips it onto your ring finger. “i was gonna ask you,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss you softly. “you beat me to it, my love,” he chuckles against your lips, wrapping his arms around you tightly. “so, is that a yes?” he asks, nuzzling your nose. you nod, still in disbelief, “yes, a million times yes,” you whisper back, kissing him 

𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐈 (西村力)

you suddenly say, “marry me, riki.” his eyes widen in shock, and he looks at you. “just because i turned 18 doesn’t mean you can propose to me now,” he says, a teasing smirk on his lips. you roll your eyes, laughing. “it’s a joke, ki—” but before you can finish, he interrupts, pouting a little. “aww, i wanted it to be real so i could actually say yes.” your jaw drops, and you playfully shove him. “i hate you,” you grumble, but the warmth in your voice betrays you. he just chuckles, pulling you close and pressing a quick kiss to your lips. “too late, you’re stuck with me forever now,” he whispers, his nose brushing against yours

[redcherrykook]

── .˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ TENSION DEGREE 01

────୨ৎ────

College roomate!Jungkook x college roomate!reader- fwb 2 Lovers

You find yourself having to share your room with a very sexually active medical science major who so happens to fancy you. Good thing he´s as charming and spontaneous as you, leading to many crazy parties and places you probably should not be hooking up at. When Jungkook started ignoring all his booty calls after accidentally calling someone by your name, unable to fuck away the thought of you, he knew he was cooked. Would he really leave his playboy antics for that sweet company of yours?

series- one!

content: mild slow burn- fwb2l, roomates, mutual pining, player jungkook that falls devoted to reader, cocky!JK, Confident!reader, psychology major reader, banter, parties, lots of smut (duh)

episode- warnings: mention of weed, drugs, alcohol, the word slut

Taglist: @khadeeeeej @ot7stansthings @whoa-jo @smoljjks @stvrlighytt @nono13bnd @jungshaking @junniesoleilkth @deepikhaprakash @rockstryoon @tatamicc @jjeonjjk7 @kookieandjoonberries @jcrl99 @httpjeonlicious @wnteraezz @aphrodyteeth @miniesjams32 @emojkoo @katie-tibo @user-190811 @massivebearharmony @hoseokteardrop @hoseoksluv89 @hoseoksluv90

────୨ৎ────

"I dont know Jungkook isn't this a little too much?" The mirror in front if you reflects back a clear imagine of you in a very short- barely ass covering- black mini dress.

The occasion for a beautiful, tight black mini dress that ties up in the back with pink silk ribbon, that also has your chest practically spilling out?

Another party your roomate drags you too.

Okay, maybe not drag.

Over the proximity of five months, your charming roomie had become a good friend.

You aren't even sure how it started, maybe the bickering, countless sexual jokes, his ego clashing with yours on the daily or purely that you've spend so much time in the shared dorm,

But Jungkook definitely knew how to match your energy.

From door-dashing food when both of you got high out of your minds, studying for hours together and increasingly stressing each other out to more crazy things, like running from the cops after doing fire crackers in an abandoned building.

You just matched each others freak perfectly.

"If too much means looking sexy then yes, way too much. But you know, nothing to be ashamed of" he answers your previous question, leaning against the doorframe with his muscular arms crossed over his chest.

You shake your head, deciding to just go with the dress.

"Alright, lets go. Who's driving?" He gazes down into your eyes as you walk to the doorframe, heels clicking on the floor with each step.

A small smirk forms on his face, "No one, its a dorm party. Let's both get wasted"

Usually, Jungkook and you agreed that one person always stays sober, to drive back and take care of the other person if something happens.

"I don't wanna drink much Kook, but you let loose eh?" smacking his firm chest, a small giggle leaves your lips.

In return, his eyes go to your chest, pressed together tightly and in perfect view for the taller male to look down into.

His eyes wander back up to your face, every time you giggled it made him want to tease you more

"Sure bunny, but I gotta keep an eye on you if you look this good" the smug look on his face makes you want to scream,

So does the nickname,

It started randomly, kind of

You mentioned that bunnies are your favorite animals, hugging the pink, soft bunny plushie to your chest back when Jungkook and you went to get some stuff for the apartment,

You couldn't help but stop at the sight, plushies always make your heart melt.

He still remembers how soft you looked, adimiring the small plushed animal.

He decided that day to call you bunny, saying that it just suited you,

He also bought you that plushie

You roll your eyes at his teasing comment, looking up into his eyes with a innocent look,

Not failing to notice how good his lip ring looks as he plays with it slightly.

"Oh will you? I think you're just gonna go fuck some random girl again, leave me all alone"

Instinctively, he leans down with the same smug smile still placed over his face.

"Awh.. is bunny jealous? Don't worry, i'll make it quick this time" he winks, patting your head in an effort to mock you

Without getting the chance to say something back, he turns around, walking to the front door with a small laugh leaving his lips.

You decide it's for the better to just walk out with him.

Over the course of these last months, you aren't the only one that got to know Jungkook,

Many, many girls around campus have learned about him in possibly the only way you haven't,

Which is during sex.

It's to no surprise that a very physically attractive, smart and charming guy like Jungkook has girls swooning over him left and right.

Arguably, the fact that he sleeps around quite a lot also shouldn´t come as a surprise.

It did however, take some time to get used to hearing his moans through your paper thin walls,

Sure you were fine with sleeping on the couch like once a week,

Given the fact that you would have to be in the same room, a couple meters apart otherwise.

Sleeping on the very comfy living room couch isn't what bothered you at all,

More so, hearing him tell these girls all sorts of things, hearing his groans and the sound of skin slapping in every lewd way possible.

"You're such a slut"

"Just like that yeah?"

To hear the bed ramming against the wall which each grunt,

Just to go to sleep there the next day, like nothing happend.

It took some time to get used to it.

Get used to the slick running down your inner thighs when you could hear his sounds of pleasure,

Opting for soundproof headphones instead to avoid the need to do something about the way you felt.

Get used to him sending each and every one away after, sometimes crying, explaining that he was honest from the start.

He always told the girls, or so he said he would, that he's just sleeping with them for fun, just once.

One single time only.

Jungkooks has never been the relationship type so he claims,

"I just haven´t really felt more than physical attraction before, and I´m not dying for it either" he revealed in another cross faded open heart conversation, one of many nights.

What's worse is, getting used to him shamelessly flirting and smiling to you after,

As if you wouldn't be just another fuck to him, another girl on his long list, if you were to engage in it with him.

That thought right there, being just another one of his hookups , is precisely why you swore to never sleep with Jungkook, it would change your friendship, the one so perfectly matched.

No matter of ridiculously tempting it is.

The sexual banter would probably stop, given that he "got what he wanted" so to speak,

Even if Jungkook isn't that type of guy, it wouldn't be the same.

"This dorm is huge man what the fuck"

Between the blaring music and some familiar faces, Jungkook's big doe eyes look over the student apartment.

Significantly more spacious than the one on your own, presumably housing 3 people.

"Oh look! Chaewon's here too" you smile, immediately squeezing your way through the crowd to get to her.

"YOU CAMEEE" her bubbly voice rings as she engulfs you in a warm hug,

You laugh, embracing her in the same way she does,

"Wow you look so hot tonight" her mouth lets out a overly dramatic whistle, hands finding their way to your arms.

You smile when her lips form into a flirty smirk, eyes ranking over your figure

"You're one to talk Chae, that skirt is so cute"

It's true, Chaewon's silver mini skirt topped with her black waterfall- neckline top and gorgeous black heels makes for a perfect outfit, only adding to her already present beauty.

If there is one girl in the entire world you would wanna steal the looks from, it would have to be your best friend.

"Oh hi Jungkook" her eyes suddenly dart next to you, where Jungkook is now standing, having his decorated hand clasped around your waist.

You try to ignore how good it feels to have him close,

Chaewon shoots you a look, letting you know she immediately noticed it.

"Hey Chae. Didn't know you were coming" he smiles faintly,

You can't help but watch his eyes, hoping to see if they wander down her body like they normally would if another pretty girl stood in his vicinity.

It never made sense to you, how he hasn't slept with Chaewon yet.

She's stunning, into his looks like most girls on campus and she definitely isn't looking for something serious,

Not even at risk for begging for Jungkook to come back,

Nonetheless, he never once made a move on her.

She points to the kitchen, "I wasn't planning but, Minnie invited me. Want a drink?"

Jungkook and you nod almost perfect in sync, making her laugh and squeeze her way past more people,

You follow behind tightly, now feeling both of Jungkook's hand around your waist as you keep walking,

His breath is suddenly tingling on your neck, softly moving to your ear,

"Gotta make sure i don't lose ya' "

The sound of his voice to closely on to your skin is a sensation that makes you shiver

Every idiot would notice the heavy sexual tension between you two,

You would love to know what it feels like to feel vulnerable below him,

Having him burried inside your own sex and feeling his lips tracing your skin,

But it's of no use, you wouldn't ever give up a friend like him for one time pleasure.

"What do you want?" Chaewon snaps you out of your thoughts, the music is slightly quieter in the kitchen.

Assembled in front of you are lots of bottles, empty solo cups, crates of beer, some strange looking fruity cocktail mixes but most importantly,

A big, full bottle of vodka.

"Four shots, vodka pure please"

Jungkook laughs, leaning against the counter,

"Didn't you say you'd take it easy?" His eyebrow cocks up as he speaks,

"It´s four shots" you reply, rolling your eyes

"You're a lightweight bunny" he winks, turning back to Chaewon

"Give me a moscow mule and i'll be good"

Chaewon smiles, shaking her head as she hands you your first shot

"My pleasure guys"

Four shots quickly turn into four more, the sway of your hips in the music playing, unsure of even the current song, just feeling to good to stop

Feeling the people around you, you keep dancing, maybe stumbling at this point,

Even though you feel your head getting lighter and you're ignoring the burning hurt on your feet from constantly moving on heels,

Nothing mattered with enough shots.

Nothing until you notice that Chaewon,

Who you could feel was just beside you, right there dancing and laughing with you,

Is no where to be found.

Your feet stop momentarily, almost faling over from the sudden halt

Trying to look everywhere between the people, whipping your dizzy head around to find her sitting somewhere, maybe dancing with a guy, maybe mixing another drink

But you can't see her, instead you find the man you came with,

Sitting on a couch with a girl you know you recognize from somewhere, leaning over and whispering something into her ear

Instead of trying to think in your hazy state of mind, you legs are developing a mind on their own, walking over to said couch for who knows what reason,

He smiles at her, rubbing his larger hand over her exposed knee softly,

That's right, you recall now,

She's definitely in your social studies class.

"Kook? Have you seen Chae?" Grabbing a hold of the couch in order not to tumble forward, your words come out slightly slurred.

He removes his hand from her skin, diverting his attention to you,

He seems sober, relatively sober in comparison to your state.

"I think she went upstairs with someone, come sit down you're about to collapse" he pats the other side of where he's sitting, giving you a warm look.

"Actually, we were kind of talking? Is it okay if you sit somewhere else for now?"

Jungkook doesn't take his eyes off you, scoffing as he's standing up from the couch,

She fake smiles briefly, although her eyes look confused,

You think so at least, unable to really make out anything clearly at this point.

"Let's go bunny, we're done here tonight anyways"

With that, you giggle, consumed by the liquor in your system as he escorts you out of the dorm.

Once the cold, july midnight air hits you, you can feel the hairs on your skin stand up,

Legs wabbling, weaker than they were minutes ago distracted by dancing the night away.

You can make out the sound of his laughter, scooting closer to you

"Take your heels off please i don't want you to break any bones"

There is not enough alcohol in the world to make you back down on your pride, sometimes you don't quite trust even your own words,

Like right now,

"No kook i- 'lll be finee" your eyes roll as you begin walking,

"Other direction bunny"

"Right, i knew that"

He shakes his head, wrapping his beautifully painted arm around your naked shoulders, making sure that you really don't go breaking any bones.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

"Remind me why i drank again" your groans catch the attention of Jungkook standing in the kitchen.

Being awake from the sensation of a pounding headache isn't exactly pleasant, even worse when you feel dirty from not having showered the night before.

Automatically, your aching feet take you to the kitchen for a glass of water,

"I thought you died, its literally 2pm" he says while stirring the big pot placed on the counter,

You lean over curiously,

"What'cha making?"

Jungkook grabs two bowls, filling the first one up and sliding it over to you.

"Hangover soup of course, look at your state miss" he puts a spoon in the bowl before pinching your nose,

You punch his arm lightly, inhaling the delicious scent of the boiling hot soup bowl in front of you,

"Thank you kook. What about you? No hangover?"

"Nah. After i saw you taking your sixth shot i figured it's better if someone is stable enough to find the way home" he laughs softly while filling his own bowl.

"Awhhh you're such a sweetheart" you tease, making a pouty face at him, just to piss him off.

He shakes his head, sitting down at the living room table to begin eating a very late breakfast.

With a birdsnest in your hair and the smell of a party, maybe eating is allowed to come second.

"Gonna shower first i feel gross" your arms stretch over your head while you yawn,

There is no state of embarrassment Jungkook hasn't seen over five months, looking like a hot mess doesn't phase you anymore.

He eyes you up and down, a fake judging look in his eyes.

"You smell gross too"

You roll your eyes, "That's why im showering now idiot" you shout from inside the bathroom, already having walked your way over there as he talked.

Ah, it felt so nice to stand under the warm water,

To rinse yourself from the smell of sweat and alcohol and replace it with vanilla,

Feeling the headache slowly fade into the background.

To comb through your wet hair, making it soft with a hair mask.

To step out, dry yourself off and slip into fresh clothes.

"Wait"

You look around the bathroom, wrapped in a tiny towel over your half wet and naked figure,

Noticing that you failed to bring new clothes inside the bathroom, having been too occupied with showering fast to go and eat Jungkook's brunch.

"Jungkook!" You shout, hoping he can hear,

"Yeah?" He shouts back, still sitting at your dining table, kind of expecting the worst.

Usually when you shout his name like that it´s never good.

"I forgot my clothes! Can you bring me some?"

He gets up immediately, sighing in relief "What do you need?"

You think for a second, of course he's seen your laundry before, you gave up on separating the clothes long time ago.

However, you made sure to always keep the more.. sexy underwear in your care.

"Nevermind i"ll get it myself" you shout again, at which he groans

"I'm literally on my way, give me three minutes"

And so he does, walking into your guy's room, to open your side of the closet.

Grabbing a random shirt and a pair of joggers, then reaching down to the underwear drawer like it's second nature to him.

He rummages through the unorganized pile of socks and bra's, to find a pair of boyshorts he's seen about two billion times before.

Until he stops in his tracks, stumbling across something that made him bite his lip softly.

He grabs the pair of white, lacy panties that he's just discovered. A little silver heart pendant in the front, barely any material that isn't see through.

His mind runs quickly, thinking about you with nothing but these panties on.

His physical atrraction to you isn't a secret to him either,

Then again, he is attracted to practically any girl.

"What's taking so long i'm fucking freezing" you shout, still inside the bathroom,

Praying that he isn´t inspecting your lingerie.

He shakes his head, deciding to tease you just a little, hiding the panties inside the shirt he chose.

When you hear the footsteps approaching outside the bathroom, you open the door just enough to stick your arm outside.

"Thanks koo" you say while he hands you the clothes, a small smirk already creeping it's way up his face at the thought of your face when you see them,

And the fact that that's what's gonna be underneath your sweats once you walk out.

Finally, you take the clothes in hand, already annoyed when you can't find any underwear,

"Don't tell me he didn´t get me any" you sigh to yourself,

Until,

"This annoying little-",

The pair of your precious white panties falls to the floor.

[cvntluver444]

taking what’s not yours

best friends girlfriend!ellie williams x reader

-`♡´- summary : you’ve been in love with your best friends girlfriend forever now. you leave it alone thinking nothing will happen, but what if ellie has been secretly wanting you too?

-`♡´- warnings : smut minor dni, teeny bit of angst? cheating, breaking girl code, perv!ellie, dina slander (ilysm dina it’s for the plot im sorry), public stufff, abby x reader and ellie x dina in beginning, strap sex, fingering, oral, spanking, slapping, dirty talk, dom!ellie x sub!reader, reader is receiving everything lol, crying, masturbation watching!, ellie says some nasty things so if that’s not your thing you can skip this one, intended lowercase, if i missed any please let me know! <3

-`♡´- a/n : SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG OMG this was so much fun to write i’ve been dying to post this!! i really hope you all like it! if you do, please show your support i appreciate it so much! if you don’t no worries! i’m a new writer so i can’t please everyone but i hope i do :p

🇵🇸 as always, please continue to keep sharing and supporting Palestine 🇵🇸

daily click

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

“first double date!” your best friend dina screams in your shared apartment. you laugh and you finish putting in your earrings. “i’m so happy you finally stopped thinking about this mystery crush i don’t know about!” your heart skips a couple beats but you play it off.

“yeah you’re welcome, now you can get those bff double dates you’ve always wanted,” you say smiling at her.

“i know! and abby?” dina lets out an impressed whistle. “ok girl she’s cute!” you laugh and give her a friendly shove. abby was really hot. she had the biggest arms, and she was so tall it felt like she almost towered over you, but there was just something about her that didn’t make you fall for her, or maybe it was something about you? maybe you just didn’t find her all that cute, maybe you just haven’t given her enough time, or maybe it’s because-

“oh hey babe!” dina cheers and runs over to where the door just opened. oh yeah, that’s why.

“hey, you look good,” ellie says sending you a smirk and making your cheeks go warm. “what are you so dressed up for?” you and dina give her a confused look.

“remember els? our double date?” dina excitedly tried to remind her. “i told you about it yesterday but i think you were too busy on your phone.” she then tells her with an annoyed look on her face. ellie’s eyes widen.

“oh! uh i didn’t know that was you. i thought it was another one of your friends babe?” ellie says, a slight panic in her voice.

“ellie, she is like my only friend, or the only friend who would be going on a double date with us.” dina tells her. ellie finally understands then turns her line of vision towards you. “who’s the lucky lady?” she tries to joke.

wish it were you you silently think to yourself. but that’s wrong to think, because ellie is your best friends girlfriend and ellie sees you as her girlfriends best friend. that would be wrong, and stupid, and horrible, and kinda hot, just sneaking around and-

“abby. abby anderson.” you finally say, quickly snapping yourself out of your disgusting thoughts. ellie’s eyes widen again.

“wait abby?” she finally says. “oh uh that’s fun yeah this will be fun.” she rambles on. you and dina give each other confused looks but quickly forget about it once you three gather into ellie’s car and head to the restaurant.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

you, dina, and ellie enter a small and dark restaurant that you randomly found this morning. it was a cute and casual place and all you wanted to do now was drink.

“you guys go and grab a table, im gonna order us some drinks and wait for abs.” you tell them.

“ok cutie you know what i want!” dina excitedly tells you. giggling, you send her a thumbs up and turn towards the bartender to put in your order, missing the way ellie stared at you when your heavenly laugh filled the restaurant.

after putting in your order, you feel a big pair of hands wrap around you and squeeze. you let out a a quick gasp before slowly sinking into the body behind you.

“abby you scared me!” you laugh and you turn around, giving her a hug.

“aw sorry gorgeous i just had to,” she said, giving you a quick peck on the cheek. you catch up at the bar while you wait for you drinks. once you got them, you and abby headed to a corner table in the back to join the rest of your friends.

“abby’s here!” you excitedly say as dina gets up to give her a hug. you see ellie glance at her from the side of eye and make a small scoff.

odd you think.

“i’m so glad you could join us! you know ellie right?” dina asks and you and abby sit down. dina has the biggest smile on her face as she sits accrocs from you and chats with abby, who puts her arm around you. you could almost hear ellie scrunch up next to you at the touch.

you turn to her, “you ok?” you ask quietly. her facial expression changes into her usual smug as she asks you what you mean. “never mind, sorry,” you say back. you try your hardest to join in on dina and abby’s conversation, attempting to force ellie out of you mind but to no avail.

this is gonna be a long night.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

a couple drinks later, all four of you had a good buzz and conversation was flowing. abby’s arm fell off your shoulders as you drunkenly leaned into her. you were actually starting to have a really great time with abby. she was so sweet and respectful, and you could definitely see this going somewhere. you think she might feel the same when you feel a hand on your thigh, opposite side of abby. when did her hand get there?

you gasp. “abby!” you say her name playfully. “stopp” you drag out innocently.

“huh? i’m not doing anything,” she says back to you, confused look on her face. mhm you hum back. you allow her her hand to dance around on your thigh, until it finally moves up a little more, and her fingertips graze under your skirt. goosebumps cover your skin at how soft and delicate her fingers were.

“ok not funny anymore,” you slap her arm playfully, praying dina and ellie are too invested in their own conversation to see what’s going on under the table.

“i didn’t say anything,” abby laughs, “maybe you’re done with the drinks.” but then her fingers go from under your skirt, to under your underwear. you moan quietly and abby stares at you again.

“you good baby?” she asks, but you can’t respond because now her fingers are slowly pumping into your wet cunt, and as soon as they do, you hear a moan from ellie next to you.

you look over, seeing ellie and dina quietly making out next to you and your heart drops a bit. you wonder if they’re doing the same thing as you and abby, the table cloth covering your lower halves. the fingers in your pussy speed up their movements and your attention is back towards abby.

“fuck abs,” you breathe out.

“oh baby, what are you doing to me,” she moans out, both her hands coming to cup you face as she shoves her tongue down your throat, her fingers still reaching your spo-

wait what?

you stop kissing abby and dramatically look at her hands on your face. you count once, twice, three times. both hands on your face, one still deep inside of you. you panic and look around to where ellie and dina are still making out, however as you look back down, you realize it was never abby making you come close to cumming in fucking public.

it was ellie.

“oh my god!” you let out as you quickly stand up.

“hey hey hey you okay?” abby asks. both her and dina look startled at your reaction, as well as the whole restaurant. your head is spinning as you look around to see all the people staring at you.

ellie

instead of giving you a concerned look, she instead looks up into your eyes and smirks, bringing the fingers that were just inside you, to her lips, and slowly sucking your juices off her fingers. her gaze never leaving yours.

“bathroom,” you silently let out still in shock. “i’m gonna go to the bathroom.” you tried your hardest not to stutter as you run to hide. once inside, you finally allow everything to hit you, hating yourself that you were even more turned on that it was ellie, your best friends girlfriend.

you gather your thoughts and try to keep everything down as you head back to the table. you see all of them standing up already, telling you it was probably a good time to head home. you agree, following them out the restaurant door.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

the four of you make your way inside you and dina’s apartment, all of your happy banter filling the room.

“hey i think me and ellie were gonna head to bed, see you in the morning abby?” dina asks, a scowl on ellie’s face behind her.

“yeah, if that’s okay with you?” abby turns to look at your figure.

“yeah of course!” you cheerfully say, still feeling guilty about earlier. abby gives you a warm smile and your eyes stray away to look over at ellie, her eyes meeting yours. her frown turning to a smirk when she catches your gaze. you quickly turn away, feeling so much smaller than usual.

everyone heads upstairs and into the rooms. abby and you crawl into your bed as silence takes over.

“you sure you were okay today?” she asks you.

“yeah, i’m sorry i think i just drank too much.” you tell her laughing, a big smile on her when you do. the room falls quiet once again, before abby breaks it.

“you’re so beautiful.” you blush at her compliment and give her a quick peck.

“you’re too good to me.” you say, the situation earlier still not leaving your mind. instead of answering, abby pulls you into a more passionate kiss. she grows greedy and shoves her tongue into your mouth, showing dominance. she climbs on top of you and her kisses start trailing down your neck.

“fuck abby,” you moan out, she groans back in response, her kisses trail lower and lower until they’re finally resting on top of your clothes cunt. you beg her to do something before she slowly starts taking off your shorts, followed by your panties, leaving you in just your t-shirt.

“mmm so hot,” she tells her, then quickly starts licking your clit with her tongue. pleasure overtakes you, your mind overtakes you, and you think back to ellie, and how good she made you feel under the table.

“yes, fuck el-“ you catch yourself before you can finish, but sit up in a panic.

“woah, um are you sure you’re okay? we can stop.” you startle abby for a second time tonight, but we’re thankful she didn’t catch your slip up.

“uh yeah sorry um i just got really thirsty all of the sudden,” you rush out, standing up off the bed and going downstairs to get water. you don’t even give her a chance to respond, and you’re already downstairs at the sink. you chug your glass of water and give yourself a couple of little slaps on your face to snap out of it.

“nice outfit” you hear behind you, you quickly spin around standing face to face with ellie, the girl who’s name you almost just moaned upstairs. “or should i say..” she trails off and looks you up and down, “no outfit?” she questions, eyebrows furrowed as she bites her lip. it takes you a couple seconds to register that, while you were in your hurry, you completely forgot to put your pants back on, and now ellie had felt and seen your pussy.

“oh my god!” you silently panic and cover yourself.

“don’t be shy now,” ellie now stalks toward you. “nothing i haven’t seen before.” her infamous smirk once again resting on her stupid beautiful face. you felt so weak, you couldn’t do this right now, in fear that you would cave and become the worlds worst best friend. again.

“uh, what are you doing up?” you try to start some sort of conversation, but her movements don’t stop and she’s still heading straight towards you.

“well, i was gonna fuck my girlfriend, but then she fell asleep, and i was gonna go to sleep, but..” she paused again. “i heard you come down here after your little slip up with abby and had to hear all about it.” your eyes widen and your heart drops.

she heard.

“ellie no,” your eyes start to fill up with tears. you feel pathetic, but to ellie, you look so fucking good. “i’m so sorry it was just because of tonight and at dinner-“

“ah, tonight was really fun” she cuts you off. you back up into the kitchen counter and you’re trapped.

“your pussy tasted so good,” ellie tells you, her voice drops and her eyes fill with lust. “are you gonna be a good girl and let me taste you again?”

you can’t move. all your guilt and morals are now completely out the window as you stare up at the breathtaking woman in front of you. without thinking, you nod your head slowly, a dazed look on your face causing ellie to let chuckle.

“words baby, open that pretty mouth and use your words.” she tells you. she brings her hand up to your face, sticking her thumb into your mouth. “wider.” she orders you. you obey and her thumb travels into your mouth and down your throat, causing you to gag. she moves her thumb around in your throat, then collects your spit up in her hand, smearing it around your mouth. “good girl,” she says, as she softly slaps your face.

out of no where, her hands go under your thighs as she lifts you up on the kitchen counter. once up, she grabs the back of your head, forcing your lips to meet hers.

sparks

that’s what you felt, as cheesy as it sounds, you felt sparks and pleasure shoot through your body. ellie was such a good kisser. she took the lead, making your lips match hers in a sinful rhythm. with her tongue still down your throat, she spreads your legs open, both hands squeezing your thighs causing you to let out a whimper. ellie stops and slaps your face harder this time.

“stay quiet or ill stop.” she sternly tells you, hand aggressively gripping your face. you shake your head fast and try to go in for another kiss, but she backs away. “no, no, what do you think you’re doing. just stay put and look pretty. let me take care of you.” her dominance made your pussy even wetter.

she slowly goes down on her knees, trailing kisses up your thighs and her gaze never leaves yours. “els, please, need you so bad,” you beg her, you don’t care how pathetic you look, and you certainly don’t care that this is your best friends girlfriend who’s going down on you right now.

“how bad do you want it baby hm? why don’t you show me.” she has an sinister look on her face, but with your mind foggy with pleasure, you quickly get comfortable and make sure that your pussy is right in front of her face. you slowly start teasing your own pussy, fingers sliding up and down your folds, biting your lip and staring right at ellie. she stares right at your pussy, watching how you play with it, and how you make yourself feel good. it drives her mad.

slowly, you put one finger in your pussy, letting out a quiet moan. “need you right here, els. so bad.” but before you can get any deeper, she yanks your hand away and scoots you up closer to her mouth.

“fucking slut,” she breathes out, before shoving her tongue into you. pleasure hits you quickly, and your eyes fill with tears.

“oh my god, ellie,” you squeal. she ate your pussy so good. she knew exactly what made you feel good, and you were coming close. “you’re gonna make me cum, fuck.” now you looked pathetic. you couldn’t stop moving under her, she kept having to hold you down with her hands, which would definitely result in bruising in the morning. you had to grab onto her toned arms, hair, shoulders, anything. it was becoming too much. but before you could come undone, she pulls away quickly, toying with you a bit, then giving a quick slap to your pussy. you jolt up, moaning loud, before she comes up and shoves her finger into your mouth again.

“told you to shut this pretty mouth up,” she scolds you, but then she gets an idea. “i know something that can keep it busy.” she then connects her lips to your neck, leaving light kisses while she grabs your hand and brings it to the bulnge in her boxers. you clench and let out a gasp, not expecting her to still be wearing a strap, but needing her to do something.

“ellie, please fuck my mouth. please please please,” you beg her more and she bites her lip at your whimpering.

“so fucking perfect,” she compliments, pulling down her shorts. the same fingers that were in your mouth now trail to your pussy, where she starts to pump two fingers into you. “and so fucking tight,” she moans. “so much tighter than dina,” she smirks at you, watching your eyes widen and your heart drop, but your eyes roll back once she starts pumping faster.

“you think your ready for it baby?” she asks you.

“yes please ellie,” you beg. she lifts you up off the counter and you fall to your knees right in front of the strap. you stare up at her, your eyes sparkling, and ellie bites her lip as she feels herself get wet. you pulls your chin down gently and puts its in your mouth. you moan as you feel it touch your tongue.

“yes, just like that baby, fuck so good at taking me in your pretty mouth,” she tells you, the sight of you with the friction of the strap was just enough to drive her crazy. she starts pumping herself into you faster and faster, making you moan and gag, which was such a beautiful sight for ellie.

“fuck, i need you so bad,” she tells you, “flip over baby.” she demands, and you do. it’s clear that you have no shame. face down ass up on your kitchen floor waiting to be fucked by someone who is so incredibly off limits. ellie’s voice brings you back to reality.

“prettiest pussy i’ve ever seen.” you clench at her words, causing her to bite her lip. “fuck. cant wait any longer. have to fuck you.” quickly, ellie’s on her knees and lining the strap up so it’s perfectly aligned with you.

you gasp as she slowly slides into you so effortlessly. the kitchen slowly fills with the sounds of you wet pussy, the slapping of ellie fucking you, and both of your dainty moans. it was so sinful, yet so beautiful at the same time. ellie quickly speeds up her motions, her right arm grabbing you under your tits and bring you up against her chest.

“you look so fucking pretty when i fuck you,” she tells you, her left hand coming around to rub your clit. you cover your mouth with both of your hands as she starts pounding into faster and faster. lips covering every part of your face, neck, and shoulders. you two had a perfect rhythm, causing both of you to feel yourselves growing close and fast.

“els, you’re gonna make me cum,” you struggle to get out.

“i’m close too baby, cum with me please,” she now begs you, desperate to finish.

her thrusts are now faster than ever, as the noise in the kitchen becomes louder and louder, not caring if anyone heard. the feeling in your stomach now starts to unravel and your vision goes black. you let out a loud and long moan, which is quickly cut off by your hands returning to your mouth. however this time, ellie yanks your hands away from your mouth.

“wanna hear you cum,” she demands. you don’t hold back as you feel your thighs start to drip and your legs start to shake. you lean your head back on ellie’s shoulder, hearing her own moans of pleasure fill your ears. she fucks you a little more as she finishes, and then slowly pulls out of you.

you have never been fucked like that before. it was absolutely heaven.

“someone made a mess,” ellie smirks as she gives you a peck on the cheek. you look down and you realize you did in fact make a mess, ellie made you squirt.

“holy shit, i’ve never done that before,” you let out a breathy laugh and look up at ellie, who’s just biting her lip.

“s’hot,” she lets out, still exhausted from the best sex of her life too. you awkwardly stand up, still naked, and try to clean the floor, but ellie stops you.

“hey hey no let me do that, you just go to bed,” she politely tells you, and your heart melts. you ask her if she’s sure and she promises that she’s fine. you thank her and she pulls you in for one last kiss. “again sometime?” she asks you, and without thinking, you say yes and head up the stairs, telling yourself that you’ll deal with the guilt of it tomorrow.

you enter your room with a smirk on your face, still out of it from how good ellie fucked you. before climbing in your bed, you yelp as you see abby fast asleep. you completely forgot about her, she probably fell asleep, too tired to even wait for you because of how long you were taking.

again, you should feel bad, but you don’t, because ellie williams just fucked you, so you get dressed go to sleep with a smile on your face, dreaming about the next time you fuck your best friends girlfriend.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

LMAOOOO SORRY THIS IS AN HOUR AND A HALF LATE BUT I WANTED TO MAKE IT PERFECT EVEN THOUGH I RUSHED AT THE END SORRRYYY

i hope you babies enjoy ❤️ i love you

CVNTTTLUVERRRRRR owt

[nereidprinc3ss]

please don't say you love me

in which fwb!spencer reid and fem!reader get into an argument about the nature of their relationship.

18+ (implied intimacy) warnings/tags: friends with benefits arrangement, it goes bad, reader is so clearly anxious avoidant, reader is so me-coded, self-loathing, difficulties with emotional intimacy, arguing, derek and penelope make an appearance woo, a little dramatic, no happy ending (a nereidprinc3ss first!) a/n: it happened guys I stopped writing for a few days and last night randomly was inspired to finish this fwb piece and it essentially turned into a vent and went a completely different direction than i thought it would but here we are!!! i hope you enjoy, I loved writing, ilysm

“Are you reading it? Did you get to the part yet?” You ask, buzzing as you peer around Spencer’s arm to see where he’s at in the book you’d handed him. Sometimes you think it takes him longer to flip the pages than to read them. 

He doesn’t answer, but you see the flickering quirk of his lip like something is amusing him. It’s been a few minutes and he’s maybe halfway through. He has to have seen it by now. 

You’re clinging to his arm, eyes darting pointlessly between the text and his face, searching for a reaction. It comes in the form of a furrowed brow, a disbelieving smile, and something between a barking laugh and an exclamation of, “what?”

“You read it?”

His eyes narrow and he flips back a page, taking a bit longer to reevaluate. 

“Our moans and grunts drowned out the screams of the dead and dying only a few hundred feet away.”

You giggle furiously, clapping a hand to your mouth when you snort, and you feel Spencer’s focus shifting to you, even with your eyes screwed shut. 

“And you read this whole series?”

At that you sober up some, still hiding the bottom half of your face and brows drawn sorrowfully as mirthful tears well. You’re slow to admit your guilt with a nod, and his expression is somewhere between horror and fascination. 

Your cheeks heat and you cover your face, laughing again and shaking your head shamefully as he ridicules you. 

“Why? Why would you do that to yourself? I don’t even know if I can be seen in public with you, that’s—” he’s haphazardly tossed the book back on its display table and grabbed your wrists, pulling gently and laughing too. “No, show me your face. This is—you need to explain yourself. This is unforgivable.” 

“No! I swear it was a morbid curiosity, I didn’t like it, I’m sorry! I—”

“Reid?”

You both freeze. 

It’s not the most dignified position, admittedly—hidden among the shelves in a bookstore, pressed too close to be friendly, his hands around your wrists. 

So you don’t mind when he drops them like hot potatoes and gives you a few inches of breathing room. 

“Hey! Uh—you’re—”

Spencer is looking between you and two other people at the end of the aisle—a quirky bespectacled blonde in a flouncy polka-dot dress and her taller companion, ripped and head shaved, sporting some impressive eyebrows. Right now they’re conspicuously raised—his eyes are also pinballing between you and Spencer. 

For a moment, everyone is just sort of… looking at each other. 

It’s a little bit… awful?

Finally Spencer clears his throat. 

“Um, what are you guys doing here? Just… looking at books?”

Something is off, and you feel like shrinking or running, but you just stay glued to your spot. 

In sync, they hold up copies of the same book—and it takes you not a second to place the author’s name, in imposing red font at the bottom like it’s important. Rossi. 

The pieces click into place. These must be Spencer’s co-workers—Penelope and Derek, if his descriptions of the team have served you well. Part of you is starstruck. Part of you is embarrassed. They’re clearly shocked to see Spencer with a girl in the wild, so you know he hasn’t told them about you—and why should he, you think, why should he tell his friends about the girl he’s been sleeping with for months now? 

Finally, the blonder half of the duo speaks. 

“You’re—this is a girl. That’s. Who is that? Hi! Who are you?”

She’s literally pointing at you, eyes drifting between you and Spencer like it just doesn’t make any sense. Derek gives her a look and gently pushes her hand down. 

“Hey. That’s enough.” Then he offers you a polite smile, though you sense a bit strained, and his eyes too keep wandering back to the man next to you. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, no! You’re not… interrupting…” Spencer trails off and you sense he’s looking at you and gauging a reaction but you’re just smiling idly at his friends and waiting for this to be over. He finally thinks to introduce you by name, and you offer a shy wave and a smile to your new acquaintances. 

Penelope points (that damn finger again) but this time it’s less accusatory, and stays below chin level. 

“Cool shirt. I love that band,” she offers genially. Your brows raise and you look down, trying to remember what shirt you’d tossed on before leaving Spencer’s apartment an hour ago. 

“Oh! Thanks,” you smile, and you’re relieved to mean it this time. 

Another frosty silence begins to descend, but Derek doesn’t let it settle so much this time, to everyone’s satisfaction. 

“Alright, well. It was nice to meet you. Enjoy your date.”

There’s too much weight on the last sentence, and Derek gives Spencer a eyebrows-raised-meaningfully look you don’t understand. You’re just glad Spencer keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t immediately insist that it’s not a date, because it’s not, and that’s fine, but the vehement denial would bum you out. 

The pair walk away in the kind of clenched silence that means they’ll start fervently whispering as soon as they are out of ear shot. You watch their retreating figures and chew your lip, sensing that the carefree and playful energy of five minutes ago will have evaporated by the time you turn back to face your companion. 

“Strange,” you murmur, mostly to yourself, and you’re slightly jarred when Spencer replies from beside you. 

“Which part?”

All of it. 

Turning to face him, you smile, and it doesn’t reach your eyes but it doesn’t need to. 

“Oh—nothing, sorry.”

For a moment, he doesn’t respond, only stares at a point somewhere above your head and narrows his eyes like he’s thinking unpleasant thoughts. 

“Was I an asshole, to you, just now?”

It’s unexpected. You don’t have an answer prepared, so you say something that feels like a lie because you can’t prove that it’s not the truth. 

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“I just… I don’t know. I get weird around them, sometimes. I don’t always know what to say, like, when my personal life and my work life intersect, because for a long time I didn’t really have a personal life. And I think they still think I don’t know how to talk to girls, so…”

“You don’t know how to talk to girls,” you remind him. “Let’s go look at the puzzles.”

Maybe you spend too much time with Spencer Reid. Maybe that’s the problem—too long in his presence and he’s eating away at your neural tissue like you’ve got cysticercosis and he’s the T. solium (a terrible thing he had explained to you a few weeks ago.)

Maybe you need a break from him, to stop breathing his air and sleeping in his bed and wearing his clothing, because you’re forgetting that he’s not the entire world and that is a very bad thing to forget in a situation like yours. The entire world cannot be the size of his apartment. 

But you also just like him so much. As a friend, of course. That goes without saying. You like his strange sense of humor, and the way he lights up when you ask him an obscure question. You like your legs across his lap while you watch his old shows. You also like being kissed by him, and hugged by him. You like being taken care of like no one has ever taken care of you, and you like the way he always touches you, soft and kind and so on purpose. 

You never meant to like him so much. 

This affection—it has grown, insidious and parasitic, and now that it’s been pointed out to you like a lump in your side, it’s impossible to ignore. 

What you and Spencer have works precisely because you’ve kept things platonic and casual. That way, there’s no worrying about emotional baggage or arguing about feelings because there are none to be found and no precedent that any such things should or need to occur. You can’t hurt each other’s feelings if your feelings aren’t on the table. 

So why can’t you stop thinking about earlier?

Why can’t you help caring that he’s been keeping you a secret from the people he loves most?

“So, essentially the book is his first deep dive into meta-fiction. It was pretty revolutionary at the time, and while not his most celebrated novel, I’d argue it was his most relevant and culturally pervasive. I’d actually love to hear your interpretation of the story—it’s truly different for everyone. It’s a little like… like a literary Rorschach test. Do you wanna borrow it?”

You’re a tangle on his bed—arms, legs, sheets—it’s hard to tell where you end and he begins. All you’re sure of is his hand, tracing his fingers in chaste lines, feather-light up and down your inner thigh in the way he knows you like. Usually it’s so soothing you melt and fall asleep within minutes. Right now it’s only stoking some sparking electrical fire in your chest—the buzzes and bursts from which have you on edge. Ready to cave in at any second. You wish you could relax. You’ve been trying.

Spencer is in no hurry for you to respond, and so doesn’t seem to mind when it takes you a long while to find your answer. 

“I think I need to go home.”

It comes out too scratchy, as you haven’t really spoken for several hours. Not as casual as you were going for. He angles his head down toward you and his hand stops and you realize it’s actually worse like that. 

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! Everything is fine, I just… I wanna sleep in my own bed tonight, I think.”

It’s late and you shouldn’t be making him drive you across town, but he’s always amenable to what you want. This is the longest you’ve ever stayed at his place, after all—a rare long weekend—and before that a few weeks had passed with no cases to speak of, during which time you’ve been staying with him more and more. Spencer seems to be completely content letting you eat his food and use his shower if it means you don’t leave. 

“I know the feeling well,” he admits, and your heart twinges with the care he takes to not bump or bend you or pull your hair as he shifts. He’s already been out of bed, and so is more dressed than you. Really, most people on the planet are more dressed than you, and you pull his nice sheet higher up your chest as he sits on the edge of the mattress, looking down at you and with a sort of worry in his eyes. He finds your knee through the fabric. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been quiet.”

Stop paying such close attention, you want to tell him. And in the same breath, please don’t ever look away. 

“I’m… good.”

It is easily the least convincing performance of your life. Either you’re self sabotaging or you want him to push you further, and you don’t know which is worse. 

When his brow ramps just the slightest bit, you know you’ve fumbled it. 

“I don’t believe you.”

You shrug. “I don’t need you to.” And then you sit up, still holding the sheet to your chest. “Can you hand me a shirt?”

Enough clothing has accumulated around the room recently that he could pretty much reach out in any direction and find something for you to wear.  He grabs a sweatshirt hanging from the bedpost and holds it out for you, and you pull it over your head, before dropping your feet onto the cool wooden floor and grabbing the first bottoms you see—a pair of floral pajama shorts. How have so many of your clothes ended up at his apartment?

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

You scoop your bag up from a chair and flit around the room, haphazardly stuffing away discarded clothing to take back home. It’s true that it’ll be nice to get back to your stuff—your shower products and your closet and your silk pillow cases. You shouldn’t be spending so much time here. It’s not your space and you’ve been sacrificing your own needs to be closer to him, which is something you’d rather not do for any man. 

“You can drive me home. I’ll send you gas money.”

“You don’t need to send me gas money,” he says, tacking your name on to the end of the sentence in a way that raises your hackles instantly. 

“Yeah, I do. You drive me around constantly. I’ll pay you back and start taking the metro, or something.”

“I don’t want your money,” he scoffs. 

“Fine. Then I’ll call a car.”

“That’s unnecessary. I’m happy to drive you.”

“Why?”

Silence hangs. Spencer has by this point stood up, and he’s watching you with a furrowed brow and slightly parted lips like he doesn’t understand where this animosity has come from. Honestly, you’re not entirely sure either. You didn’t realize you were harboring so much of it. 

“Am I supposed to see you as an inconvenience?”

“I’m not your responsibility.”

“No. You’re not. We have a relationship and I don’t mind doing things for you.”

“You’re not my boyfriend.”

You didn’t mean to say it, but you sure as hell were thinking it. 

It feels good to say, like stretching a sore muscle beyond its limits or pressing into a bruise until you get past the ache. Sometimes when things hurt, it’s best to feel the pain and move on. 

He looks absolutely perplexed, the lines between his brows only ditching deeper. 

“Is that what this is about?”

“Oh my god, Spencer, no, I don’t care—”

“Because earlier at the bookstore I asked you if I was being an asshole and—”

“I do not give a fuck about earlier at the fucking bookstore!”

It’s too late to be yelling, but he doesn’t scold you. He just sort of looks at you, like you’re something mildly unpleasant. It makes you feel worse. 

A long moment goes by. 

“Fine. I’ll take you home.”

You let him brush past you, nothing more than a breeze on your shoulders as he disappears from the darkened bedroom. For a moment, you can’t follow him. All you can do is stand there and try to contain that sour, stinging, crying feeling in your eyes and nose because there’s no reason for you to be crying right now. 

From the living room, he calls, rather abrasively, “Are you coming?”

“Yes,” you huff, and it is as wavering as it is insolent, so obviously the only word holding back a full-fledged deluge of tears. 

One minute. One minute to sniffle and take deep breaths and wipe abashedly under your eyes because you refuse to be dramatic about this. Refuse to get over-emotional. You will not let it matter this much to you. 

When you decide you can show your face without making a scene, you march out of his bedroom and straight past where he’s leaning against the kitchen counter, keys in hand, to the front door. 

He doesn’t move. You burn smoking holes into the dark wood of the door with your eyes, and the two of you are apparently at an impasse. 

“I’m ready,” you eventually snap, always the impatient one between the two of you, casting a sharp glance over your shoulder. 

“I’m not.”

“You said you would—”

“I know what I said,” Spencer cuts you off and shuts you up, “and I changed my mind. I’d prefer to talk about it before I take you home.”

By the time he finishes the sentence you’re already wrestling your phone from the depths of your bag in search of a ride sharing app. 

“Okay, well I’m done talking because I don’t think there’s anything to talk about, so—”

“No, you’re done talking because this is what you do. You can never admit it when you want something because that would mean acknowledging that you’re a human being with emotions, and that’s too scary for you.”

Surely you misheard him. You turn around, a deep frown contorting your features. 

“Excuse me?”

He only looks at you in that expectant, knowing way of his. 

“It’s too scary so you run away. You’d rather burn your relationships to the ground and rebuild them with a new person every time than actually let someone in.”

“You don’t know me!” You yell.

“Do you actually think that’s true?” Spencer says, pushing off his perch against the counter, voice shrilling and raised slightly as he gets visibly agitated. “You think I’ve spent hours upon hours with you and I don’t know you at all?”

“You have no idea what I’m like in a relationship because this isn’t one. You have no fucking idea what I want, so do not presume to,” you seethe. 

“You want a relationship. You wanted my friends to know you and you didn’t tell me that because you’re fucking terrified of the fact that I do know you. You can’t stand the idea that regardless of how many times you tell yourself it’s just sex, you have been vulnerable with me, and you’ve told me things you’ve never told anyone before, like why your last three relationships really ended, and how you constantly self-sabotage when you’re on the verge of getting what you want because you think you don’t deserve it.”

“Shut up!”

“No. I’m not just going to let you walk away from me like you did everyone else who could’ve ever cared about you because I know once you walk out that door you’ll stop responding to my calls and texts and I’ll never see you again, which is a juvenile pattern and completely unsustainable if you don’t want to keep pushing people away for the rest of your life!”

“God, Spencer, stop!” You sob, staggering back like you’ve been stabbed. 

The urgency, the raw, desperate scratch of your voice, stops him in his tracks. 

Every place an arrow penetrated a chink in your armor aches, and it hurts so much worse because he knew exactly where they were. You don’t know when or how it happened, but he’s right. Despite your most valiant efforts, Spencer Reid knows you. Somehow he crept in and grew over every limb like ivy. It’s crawled over your feet and up your legs and it’s keeping you there, rooted in place in his apartment, sobbing silently into the crook of your arm because you feel utterly paralyzed with fear. 

Just as he’d said. 

It’s silent for a long stretch of time, unquantifiable the same way the distance between the beach and the horizon is unquantifiable. It’s sprawling and infinite and desolate. The only relief from the drowning quiet is the occasional gulp of air or gasp from you which furthers your humiliation. 

“I’m sorry,” Spencer finally whispers, soft and unsure like rays of weak sunlight over staggered tides, in the grey morning after a raging storm. It’s an attempt. It’s earnest and afraid. 

The energy radiating off of him is so tangible that you can sense his desire to come near. To hold you. But that would be your worst nightmare come to fruition. This—this warbling and crying in front of him in silence in his dark apartment is god-awful enough. But to be comforted? For him to bear witness up close and personal to your humility and your ugly, jagged pieces—that inspires true catatonia. That is everything he said you were afraid of, and he was right. 

You resent your human nature, and the fact that you care how his friends look at you and that it stung when they did so with little more than apathy. You hate that you care that he hasn’t told them about you. You hate that you feel so unimportant—because more than anything, you want to be fine with being unimportant. 

You want to be fine. Constantly. 

You hate that you feel. You hate that you care. 

But you always have. And so fucking deeply. 

Somehow, Spencer Reid is the only one who has ever noticed. 

Eventually, his self-restraint snaps and he surges forward at the same time as you take a shuddering inhale and step back. 

“Please don’t touch me,” you whisper. Afraid that if he did, his fingers would only sink into your flesh like decaying fruit. That you would disintegrate in his hands, and he’d finally see you’d been rotten the whole time. 

He speaks softly, holding his hands up to show you he’s not a threat. 

“Okay. I won’t. I’m sorry.”

“I need to go home.”

“I’ll—”

“No. I don’t want a ride. I’ll get a car.” You speak quietly. Efficiently. There’s no point in pretending this doesn’t feel catastrophic anymore. 

His brows furrow. Like a moth to flame, like he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, he draws nearer again. 

“I’m not comfortable with you on the street at this hour.”

“I’ll wait in the lobby,” you insist, pleading, a wounded animal, because he doesn’t seem to understand how every casual notion of kindness is a violence, how he’s ripping into you and making it so you’ll never be able to put yourself back together. He can’t be kind like you’re easy to be kind to. 

If you’re easy to be kind to, you are just as easy to hurt. Accepting that kindness is a sort of vulnerability you feel you can’t afford right now. 

Another moment of silence, of stillness, as if you’re both bolted to the ground where you stand. 

When he speaks it’s a blow to the chest because you’ve made him cry too. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, quietly, and a venomous self-hatred drips down your throat. Because you’re doing it again.

Maybe this is all you will ever be. 

You fail to stifle a sob and Spencer steps closer still, saying your name desperately and so quietly like it’s his last rite. 

And you try. You try harder than you ever have to stay in one place, to get a hold of your vibrating and to swallow all those slithery feelings and ignore every alarm telling you to panic when he reaches out to touch your arm because it’s never safe to let people in. But when his hand finally brushes you, it’s like a cow prod. You jolt backward. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” you whisper all in one harrowed breath, and there’s so much you’d like to say—you’re right, about everything, you do know me, you know what I want, I tried, I’m ashamed—but none of it matters. None of it is enough. He’s backed you into a corner of your own making, and the only way out is by pushing him aside even if it hurts you both. 

So you don’t say anything else. You leave him there, in the dark of his own apartment, and you disappear down the hall. 

Maybe this is all you will ever be.