#and then jsut list all my sources at the end or something

[tu-es-gegg]

i fucking .

i hate that it feels liek, at least in the trailer, no one thought of minecraft earnestly. like they looked at screenshots and gists of the game and went "haha ok we can make this for the kids" like oh my god, playing minecraft survival is such an experience because your are dropped into this uncharted land that is just generated and theres so many thigns to discover, but ultimately the decision on how to play the game, the end goal of it all; thats entirely up to the player.

and early game, its so serene, calm as you explore for resources, whether its the caves or above ground, then nightfall hits and then its a fight for your life out in the wilderness. and its the management of what you have and what can you build witht e blocks you got, and its the horror of the big caves (esp with caves and cliffs) that are filled with goodies but also monsters, its the joy of making something out of the stuff you gathered out of your own efforts, the exhiliration of going through the laundry list of progression from the nether to the end and then comes the fight against the ender dragon. the end poem.. a piece of literature that tell you that the player is everything and anything it desires to be, the player is the universe and the universe says i love you because you are love.

minecraft is so earnest in its gameplay loop of "do whatever you want" and its been that way for years in terms of its main java version. theres no undertone of "needing to cater to a demographic" because minecraft is for everyone and mojang for so long have worked with that.

this minecraft movie trailer just...reeks of corporate. liek it comes from the mind of some business exec that scoffed at teh screenshots and short blurb of the game, and took all the fuckass tiring industry standard of photorealistic and choosing to live action just so they can have physical actors' pretty celeb faces in the marketing and also so they can abuse the vfx/cgi teams in teh middle of animation unions as if world is hard enough...

like anyone who plays minecraft understands this is an unrealistic game, trees fuckign float so why is it live action???, it should be ANIMATED BUT NOOooooo they want better pay i guess we better loophole with vfx teams too

its like worse because its doing an isekai plot and like,. dont understand why, is it just for the actors to do a "why the hell everything a square XD" or for them to laugh at minecraft mechanics being not to real life? is that it you want your "good writing points" for that? you want a gold star for being sooooo clever?

im so unbeleivably upset but it jsut frustrates me that outsider views of minecraft is that its just a "silly blocky kids game for kids" like they think they can make everythign into cubes and think that makes a good minecraft representation, when that is not ever the case, what makes a good minecrat rep is understanding the source material, hell just PLAYING THE GAME IS GOOD ENOUGH and i doubt anyone here has even played the game or at least done so with earnest attempt to understand the game's core values

im sorry im bitching so hard but i lvoe this game, i have played this game for years and watched people play it for even longer, im so sick and tired of people putting minecraft in a box when its so much bigger, its a game of so many possibilies just from vanilla, but people who dont even play the game dont respect it's openess and hoensty in that freedom that is the central part of the game. they jsut see bight coloured squares and think its just for the kids who are dumb and stupid enough to buy anyhting thats a cube.

[theauditoriumhivemind]

Tumblr doesn't like my link for some reason but this youtube short felt like something that was part of our relationship dynamic in canon at some point.

Also: how's the rest of the Tahdon? I don't always check in on all of you, so I figured I should ask how you're doing.

that feels extremely in character. I would start a war to ensure I have your attention for a little longer :)

We're doing interesting... collectively! We regrettably got into a new show while we're pretty dissociated recently. Whixh is. Interesting to happen. We formed two new guys. One of them is an aspect of Sean which makes it a little easier. Hicks has been more prominent in the subsys lately, which is nice. But also doesn't help with all of us being all over the place. We switch incredibly quickly lately and never quite settle into front which is somewhere between fun and awful. :,)

But actually we're doing fairly well globally speaking!

Idk list of things per tahdon

Sean: certainly exists, as host subsys he's pretty much always there, and two of his aspects being more prominent lately certainly helps, actually quite cheery, urophobia's been kicking our ass lately tho. Always on our toes abizt that.

Baby: (new Sean aspect, Dr House fictive, Crybaby song introject and dysphoria holder) Having a Time, dysphoria sucks as usual but he's coping surprisingly well, conflicting emotions abizt his source, honestly jsut really fun to have in front, makes us feel alive in unexpected ways, loads of mental breakdowns tho, crying a lot about his art, kinda sad he has to share front

Hicks: has been enjoying the good weather a lot, kinda sad he has to share front

Nine: we figured out he's actually NOT part of the subsys. oops. uh not very active lately

Koschei: very laid back compared to how he usually is

Shaun: SOOOOOOOOOO close to front at a constant. I mean that is KINDA the point of a median aspect. But. yeah. Not actually in front and does not demand to front. Which is nice. Considering we have like ten people fighting for front at a constant.

Bryan: He's cute? He only really fronts at night and fucks up our sleep by demanding to listen to music tgat just ends up making all of us really really sad and unable to sleep. He's extremely self conscious abizt the fact that he's physically quite old but also a permaregressor, so he identifies more with his little age while also identifying a lot with his 50 year old body. That's interesting. And weird to put into words cause THE body as in the body we all live in is not tgat old.

Yeah uhhhh sorry for the infodump we just love talking :)

(Tahdon is a term replaceable with headmate, its direct translation means packmate /info)

[gaybullies]

so, people keep insisting on calling henry a psychopath or sociopath. but neither of those things exist. neither of those things are in the dsm.

but you know what is??? paranoid personality disorder!

and you know what everyone who has done some sort of dig-deeper shot at henry’s character has come to the conclusion of?

that he’s scared. all the time. of everything. of everyone. he’s scared of being. everyone who has analyzed him Gets That.

that’s the core of what paranoid personality disorder is.

and not just that, folks.

he shows basically all the signs in some way and at some point or another.

“Paranoid personality disorder (PPD) is a type of eccentric personality disorder. (Cluster A) An eccentric personality disorder means that the person’s behavior may seem odd or unusual to others. An individual with paranoid personality behavior is very suspicious of other people. They mistrust the motives of others and believe that others want to harm them. Additional hallmarks of this condition include being reluctant to confide in others, bearing grudges, and finding demeaning or threatening subtext in even the most innocent of comments or events. A person with PPD can be quick to feel anger and feel hostile toward others.“

personally, i think this should be in the anxiety cluster, as it feels closer to ptsd than schizophrenia ( it being grouped wiht schizophrenia is why it’s in this cluster, not the anxiety cluster) but, im no professional, and regardless, this all says everything i’m trying to get across here. (source)

“The cause of paranoid personality disorder is unknown. However, researchers believe that a combination of biological and environmental factors can lead to paranoid personality disorder.The disorder is present more often in families with a history of schizophrenia and delusional disorders. Early childhood trauma may be a contributing factor.“  (source)

the symptoms this site lists are as follows (its the same source as the last two, but im getting to other sources) 

believing that others have hidden motives or are out to harm them

doubting the loyalty of others

being hypersensitive to criticism

having trouble working with others

being quick to become angry and hostile

becoming detached or socially isolated

being argumentative and defensive

having trouble seeing their own problems

having trouble relaxing

it literally says in an intro paragraph that hes scared of the losers, like, he thinks theyre a threat, and thats why he attacks them so much.

he doubts the loyalty of vic and belch, resorting to trying to scare them into following him. even just speaking up against something he does is soemthing he takes as being disloyal. and that ties into that whole being hypersensetive to criticism thing, too. I havent seen him working with others, but i can imagine its not the prettiest. hes definitely argumentative and defensive as HELL. detached and socially isolated? sounds about right to me, but i could be wrong on that. he definitely has trouble seeing his own problems and trouble relaxing. 

lets get into the next source.

will try to cut out too many repeats, though.

“The essential characteristic of people with PPD is paranoia, a relentless mistrust and suspicion of others without adequate reason to be suspicious. This disorder often begins in childhood or early adolescence “ looks impotrtant. this one also states its more common in men. 

“These generally unfounded beliefs, as well as their habits of blame and distrust, interfere with their ability to form close or even workable relationships.“

sound familiar?

Are reluctant to confide in others or reveal personal information because they are afraid the information will be used against them.

Are unforgiving and hold grudges.

Perceive attacks on their character that are not apparent to others; they generally react with anger and are quick to retaliate.

Have persistent suspicions, without reason, that their spouses or lovers are being unfaithful.

Are generally cold and distant in their relationships with others, and might become controlling and jealous to avoid being betrayed.

Cannot see their role in problems or conflicts, believing they are always right. (a rephrase of a previous point)

Tend to develop negative stereotypes of others, especially those from different cultural groups.

henry jumping to black mail patrick isnt necessarily exactly like bieng reluctant to confide in him or reveal personal information, but the why for why he blackmailed him--- thats the same reason. he doesnt want that information used against him. he’s asserted a position of control in all his relationships, which also keeps him from allowing hismelf to fully trust naybody because he doesnt have to, which keeps him from forming those deep emotional connections with basically anyoneexcept people hes scared of-- his dad, and... patrick.

and the last point? uh... im pretty sure is just polite for “racist” and everything else he is.

“Paranoid personality disorder may be first apparent in childhood or adolescence. People who suffer prefer solitude, have poor peer relationships, social anxiety, academic underachievement, hypersensitivity, peculiar thoughts and language, and idiosyncratic fantasies. These young people may appear to be "odd" or “eccentric,” and they are good targets for teasing. In clinical samples, this disorder appears to be more commonly diagnosed in males.“

this site (probably the most legit out of all of them tbh) basically says everything else the other sources say in a much more strictly prodfessional and clinical manner, so it’d jus tbe a bunch of repeating, but i thought thiswas very good to look at regarding henry. 

i also dont remember if ive added this in and am currently too tired to check so i’m going to put it in from this site too  “There is some evidence for an increased prevalence of paranoid personality disorder among those whose relatives have schizophrenia.“

butch is very often called “crazy” which in the fifties might have meant schizophrenia. hoenst to god, i havent finished the book, and dont know that much about butch, but.

another site. looks like a dad blog but might have merit “People with paranoid personality disorder are generally characterized by having a long-standing pattern of pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others.  A person with paranoid personality disorder will nearly always believe that other people’s motives are suspect or even malevolent.“ felt this was important too. some sources say paranoia in general, but some sources say this. I think both are worth looking at, especially when taking into account henry’s character

“Individuals with paranoid personality disorder are generally difficult to get along with and often have problems with close relationships. Their excessive suspiciousness and hostility may be expressed in overt argumentativeness, in recurrent complaining, or by quiet, apparently hostile aloofness. Because they are hypervigilant for potential threats, they may act in a guarded, secretive, or devious manner and appear to be “cold” and lacking in tender feelings. Although they may appear to be objective, rational, and unemotional, they more often display a labile range of affect, with hostile, stubborn, and sarcastic expressions predominating. Their combative and suspicious nature may elicit a hostile response in others, which then serves to confirm their original expectations.“

^^ also looks important. not just in regards to henry, but in regards to the disorder as a whole.

this last site didnt say anything new, really, but there were a couple bulle t points that caught me

Often described as cold, jealous, secretive, and serious.

Look for hidden meanings in gestures and conversations.

so anyways.... henry bowers is not a sociopath. he has paranoid personality disorder, if you want to diagnose him with anything like that.

[stgiuseppe]

annual writing self-eval ‘16

nobody tagged me to do this but i will do it anyway !! i love 2 be introspective and talk about myself ! 

1. List of works published this year:

fifty kisses, O, listen, i sing the body electric, stop! (wait a minute), and my tryhard tshaw not-fic

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

mmm this is difficult cos i guess im equally proud of all six, although for different reasons . i suppose if i had to pic it’d be O cos i remember having a lot of fun writing it and it turned out to be almost thrice the length i thought it’d be and that made me very pleased 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

i sing the body electric cos i had so many plans for it but then i abandoned it before putting out the last part and now it’s just sat there on my ao3 (and nominated for two awards despite being incomplete? what ?) like a reminder of past mistakes. rip 

4. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

uhhh this bit from stop! wait a minute

“Oh,” says Harry wistfully, who is now looking at the ceiling too. “There you are, I was wondering… well. Hello there. I like your eyes.”

“Thank you,” says the writer carefully, and then to Louis: “What’s wrong with the word ‘erotic’?”

not because i am particularly proud of what can only be described as an embarrassing debacle of boredom and self-insertion, but because sometimes when i’m having a bad day i think of harry feeling bad for a struggling fic writer and telling them they have nice eyes, and it makes me laugh 

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

every review i receive feels like an amalgamation of a bonfire, christmas sweaters, and caramel scented candles . but what comes to mind right now are the two lovely comments that a certain tumblr/ao3 user left on my only two 1d fics. they were so sensitive to what i was really trying to say with my fics, and worded their reviews so kindly, that i’m sure i cried several times reading them. we are now mutuals :~~ )

6. A time when writing was really, really hard

hmm the last few months of the year, no doubt, cos of my exams and also my very rapidly dwindling mental health and energy 

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you

this isnt really from the fics i listed in the beginning, but i had this concept of a zayn/grimmy fic in my head for a short while that i love to revisit from time to time for purely self-indulgent reasons, and in that i had this one scene where zayn was winding himself up too much and nick helped him snap out of it and give himself a break, and it was so uncharacteristic of nick in that verse to behave in that way that it threw me off the pairing completely

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

difficult to pinpoint how i grew but, looking back, i feel more confident in my writing cos it’s really evident that something’s changed, like. this time last year (as in january 2016 i guess) you’d never catch me admitting to be proud of anything that i’ve written, but now i’m in this place where i can admit that without feeling like an absolute douche, so . irl character development folks 

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i have no plans man long as i keep writing keep churning out grand after grand of words, im good 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

sunsetmog on ao3 / @magicalrocketships has been for years a source of inspiration when it comes to writing, and especially this year i found great comfort in their blog and especially their rabbit!louis tag

also ymorton on ao3 / @ihavea1dbloghelp i cant exactly explain why i love your fic but goddd do i love it so much, the bits and pieces that you churn out from time to time and post sporadically so we can only find it if we’re looking, it makes the little snippets you write feel precious somehow. and i love the way you write people in a way nobody else has really dreamed of writing. not 2 b dramatic but it’s really changed the way i look at fiction 

also kate @pnkrcker who is always there to talk to me about the state of fic in various fandoms and how it’s been improving/declining, what it needs more of and what it needs less of, etc etc . thank you for taking me seriously and listening to me rambling. often times i find myself texting you about fic just so i can get back in the mood to write. you’re a legend <3 

and @iridescentxj whom i subjected the worst of my nick/everyone not-fics to. thank u for putting up with me my love !!!! one day i will write a proper nick/someone fic with a proper ending . i promise. (?)

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

noo i dont think so lmao. as of now i’m in the business of keeping my fiction fictional !  

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

one of my favourite fics this year has been one without a proper ending OR a timeline, so i guess i learnt not to sweat the small stuff and jsut write the bits u wanna write cos i bet there’s someone out there reading and loving it anyway 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

mmmMm i want to get a poems book self-published lol let’s see . maybe i’ll finish my tomlinshaw fic after two years of letting it fester in my head, wouldnt that be somethin! 

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

@ihavea1dbloghelp @magicalrocketships aand @pnkrcker i guess! y’all arent obliged etc etc x