#and then it translates to well if you don’t see the issue here clearly you cannot write

[thestarninja]

.

[reidmarieprentiss]

Lost in Translation: Part Three

Summary: Derek sets up a meeting for you and Spencer. Old feelings resurface.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: fluff, mild angst

Warnings/Includes: insecurities, discussions of past issues

Word count: 7.2k

a/n: this took me so long my loves im sorrryyyyy i have been experiencing the worst writers block ever and i just keep starting stories and not finishing

main masterlist prologue part one part two part four

After another long day at work, Spencer found himself seeking out Derek again, the weight of everything gnawing at him more than he could handle. He caught Derek just as he was about to leave for the night, his anxiety written all over his face. 

"Derek," Spencer called out, his voice tentative, eyes darting around nervously.

Derek turned around, noticing the tension in Spencer's frame. He sighed quietly, already knowing what this was about. "What’s up, Reid?"

Spencer hesitated for a moment before asking, “Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

Derek paused, weighing his response carefully. He crossed his arms, his face thoughtful but firm. "Honestly, man, I don’t know. She’s hurt, and it's not something that’s going to just disappear overnight."

Spencer's shoulders slumped, the frustration and guilt heavy in his voice as he mumbled, “I messed up so badly. I don’t even know if she’ll ever be able to look at me the same way.”

Derek shook his head slowly. "Look, it’s not gonna happen overnight, and maybe not even for a long time. You have to be patient, Spencer. Respect her space, her boundaries. If she’s ready to talk, she’ll come to you. But you can’t force this."

Spencer ran a hand through his hair, clearly struggling with his emotions. "I just... I wish I could fix it. I hate knowing I hurt her like that."

Derek softened, his tone a little gentler now. "I get it. And I know you want to make things right. But sometimes, you just have to give people the time they need. If she’s ready to forgive, she’ll let you know. But right now? Just focus on being there if and when she’s ready."

Spencer nodded slowly, absorbing Derek's words. It wasn’t the answer he’d been hoping for, but he knew deep down that Derek was right. All he could do now was wait, as painful as that was.

"Thanks, Derek," Spencer muttered after a long pause.

Derek clapped him on the shoulder, offering a small, supportive smile. "Hang in there, kid. Just be patient."

—

You were at the grocery store, minding your own business, pushing your cart down the aisle and scanning the shelves for the brand of pasta you always bought. You spotted it, way up on the top shelf, and sighed, stretching up on your toes but still coming up short. Typical.

Suddenly, you felt a presence beside you. "Need some help with that?" came a familiar voice, and your heart skipped a beat. You turned to see Spencer standing there, his expression somewhere between awkward and hopeful.

For a split second, you froze. The last thing you expected was to run into him again, and here, of all places. But you managed a polite smile and nodded, stepping aside as Spencer easily reached up and grabbed the pasta from the top shelf. 

“Here you go,” he said, handing it to you. His fingers brushed yours for the briefest of moments, and you felt a rush of memories flood back, but you quickly pulled your hand away, holding the pasta against your chest like it was some sort of shield.

"Thanks," you mumbled, trying to avoid making eye contact. 

Spencer stood there, clearly waiting for the moment to stretch into something more, but you couldn’t handle it—not here, not now. 

“Well, um, I should keep going," you said, your voice a little too quick, too tight. "I’ve got a lot to get through." 

Spencer opened his mouth, probably to try and start a conversation, but you were already stepping past him. “See you around,” you added quickly, pushing your cart down the aisle, the tension thick between you.

You didn’t look back. You couldn’t. But as you walked away, you couldn’t help but feel Spencer’s eyes on you, the weight of everything unsaid lingering in the air.

After the grocery store run-in, you'd reached your breaking point. It wasn’t just Spencer showing up again; it was how seeing him churned up feelings you thought you’d buried deep. The confusion, the anger, the unresolved emotions—it was all too much. You’d tried to brush it off, to pretend like it didn’t affect you, but every time Spencer popped back into your life, those old wounds opened up again.

Derek noticed. He always did. He was the one who sat with you in silence after the grocery store encounter, watching as you pretended like everything was fine. Finally, he leaned forward, his voice gentle but firm. "Y/N, I can see it. You're not okay."

You swallowed, staring down at your coffee, fingers trembling slightly around the warm mug. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Derek,” you murmured, your voice low.

“It’s not about what I want you to say,” Derek replied softly. “It’s about what you need. You keep running into Spencer, and every time it’s eating you alive.”

You didn’t want to admit it, but he was right. You could feel it—each encounter was a reminder of the pain you’d carried for so long, and it was getting harder and harder to keep pretending like you were fine.

Derek paused for a moment, his voice softening even more. “You need to figure out what’s gonna help you heal, Y/N. You’ve been holding onto this for too long.”

That statement hit you like a punch to the gut. Healing. You hadn’t thought much about that—not really. You’d just been trying to ignore the past, trying to move forward without looking back. But now? Now it felt like you couldn’t move on until you faced it head-on.

After a long silence, you finally spoke, your voice barely above a whisper. “I want to talk to him.”

Derek looked up, surprised, but he didn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue.

You took a deep breath, the words tumbling out as you finally admitted the truth to yourself. “I need to talk to Spencer. Not to... forgive him, but to get closure. To... figure out what I need.”

Derek nodded, his expression thoughtful. “Okay. I can help with that. We’ll do it on your terms. No surprises.”

You felt a wave of relief wash over you. “Thank you,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion.

Derek gave you a small, reassuring smile. “I’ll arrange it. My place, no interruptions, just you and him. Whenever you’re ready.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, you felt like you were taking control of your own story, and while the idea of facing Spencer still terrified you, there was a flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, you’d finally get the answers—and the closure—you needed.

—

Derek had set the scene, arranging a cozy dinner at his place that looked almost like the setup for a romantic date, with warm lighting, neatly set plates, and a few candles casting a soft glow over the room. Spencer arrived first, his nerves evident as he fidgeted with the buttons on his blazer, glancing around the room with a mixture of hope and apprehension.

Seeing Spencer’s anxious expression, Derek couldn’t resist a grin. “Damn, pretty boy! You clean up nice,” he teased, giving Spencer an approving once-over and a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

Spencer tried to smile, though his eyes were still a little distant, the weight of the evening pressing down on him. “I don’t know, Derek… Do you really think this is going to go well?” he asked quietly, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

Derek squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “Hey, you’re here, looking sharp, and ready to try. That’s all you can do, man. Just be honest, listen to what she has to say, and let the rest work itself out.” 

Spencer took a deep breath, nodding as he let Derek’s words settle over him, finding a small measure of calm amidst the swirling thoughts in his mind.

The two men spent their time waiting for you chatting, though Spencer’s nerves were evident in every glance he threw toward the door, each sound making him sit a little straighter, tighten his grip on his glass, and shift in his seat. Derek watched him with an amused grin, offering the occasional reassuring word, but knowing full well that Spencer was a bundle of tension no pep talk could completely unwind.

Then, the unmistakable sound of a key turning in the lock filled the quiet room. Spencer’s hand stilled on the glass as he took a deep, steadying breath. Derek chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Showtime,” he whispered, patting Spencer on the back just as you stepped through the door.

When Spencer looked up, the breath he’d taken seemed pointless. It left him in one swift, stunned exhale as he took in the sight of you. You looked radiant, your hair framing your face perfectly, your outfit both effortlessly chic and undeniably stunning. The way you carried yourself, that familiar confidence mingling with a hint of surprise as your eyes met his, left Spencer utterly captivated. He couldn't have said a word if he tried.

Derek, noticing the silent awe, cleared his throat with a playful smirk. “Well, I’ll leave you two to it,” he said, slipping out of the room, though not before giving Spencer an encouraging nod.

"Hi," Spencer breathed, his voice soft but full of emotion, his eyes drinking you in like he’d never seen you before.

"Hello, Spencer," you replied with a shy smile, your cheeks already feeling warm under his gaze. There was a hint of nervousness in your expression, but the familiarity between you two softened it into something almost tender.

“You look… beautiful,” he said, the words tumbling out with a raw sincerity that caught you off guard.

"Thank you," you murmured, your cheeks deepening in color as you smiled. "And you… well, you look quite dapper."

A surprised laugh escaped Spencer, his eyes lighting up. "Dapper? I don’t think I’ve ever been called that," he chuckled, a bit of his earlier tension melting away.

You found yourself laughing softly too, the moment pulling both of you into that easy rhythm you’d shared once upon a time. The atmosphere around you shifted, the laughter a small but hopeful bridge over the wide, silent gap of everything left unsaid between you.

After the tentative laughter fades, there’s a moment of quiet between you and Spencer, heavy with unsaid words. You both know why you’re here, but neither seems quite ready to dive into the painful conversation waiting in the wings. 

Spencer fidgets for a moment, his fingers running along the edge of the table. He takes a deep breath, steadying himself before looking up to meet your gaze.

"I know you don’t owe me anything," he begins, his voice unsteady but sincere. "But I want to say… I’m sorry. Truly, deeply sorry. For everything.”

You nod slowly, allowing him to continue, your expression guarded but open, ready to finally hear him out.

“I was… I was scared,” he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. “Back then, I thought that if I left first, I could protect myself. But in doing that, I hurt you in ways I can’t ever take back.”

“But why? Why were you scared? And what were you protecting yourself from?” You asked hesitantly, scared of his answer but needing to know. “Me?”

Spencer swallowed hard, your question piercing through the fragile wall he’d built around his emotions. He looked down, his fingers twitching as they brushed over the edge of his glass, his voice barely steady. “Not from you,” he murmured, shaking his head. “Never from you. But… from what I felt for you.”

He met your gaze, the vulnerability in his eyes startling and raw. “I wasn’t used to feeling that way, to… wanting something so much. I’d spent so much of my life being alone, thinking that maybe I didn’t need anyone, or rather, didn’t deserve anyone. But then… then you showed up, and everything I thought I knew didn’t make sense anymore.”

You felt a pang in your chest, hearing him admit it out loud. It was the answer you’d suspected, maybe even hoped for, but it didn’t ease the hurt. “So, instead of letting yourself feel, you chose to leave. Just like that?”

Spencer winced, the guilt etching deeper lines into his face. “I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing. That if I left, I’d spare us both—” He cut himself off, his voice trembling as he realized the selfishness in his own logic. “But I was wrong. I see that now. I see that every time I remember you, every time I think of the life I could’ve had with you if I’d just… if I’d just been braver.”

You take a breath, letting his words settle. There’s a part of you that wants to lash out, to ask why he thought his fear was more important than you. But instead, you just say, “I never understood why. I thought… I thought I’d done something wrong.”

Spencer’s face twists with regret. “No,” he says emphatically. “You did nothing wrong. You were kind, and patient, and everything I didn’t think I deserved. I was selfish and... immature, and I ran because I couldn’t handle what I felt for you. Because… everyone who had come before you left me. And I couldn’t stand the thought of you doing the same, I–I had to be the one to do the leaving.”

There’s a long pause as you both let the weight of the past sink in, the air between you thick with the echoes of everything that once was.

You took a shaky breath, absorbing his words, letting them wash over you like a bittersweet balm. The hurt still pulsed beneath the surface, but Spencer’s admission was a kind of validation—a small relief in knowing that he hadn’t left because of anything you’d done, but rather because of his own fears, his own pain. You could see it now, the scars of his past, etched into his expression as he looked at you, vulnerable and exposed.

“Spencer,” you murmured softly, searching his face, “you didn’t have to protect yourself from me. I would’ve stayed. I wanted you to stay.”

He closed his eyes briefly, as if the words stung, and when he opened them again, they were glassy with unshed tears. “I know that now,” he said, his voice a whisper filled with remorse. “And I hate that I wasn’t strong enough to believe it back then. I took the easy way out, and in doing that, I lost the best thing that ever happened to me.”

A lump formed in your throat as you considered everything he’d just laid bare. Part of you wanted to let that resentment simmer, to guard yourself, to keep holding him at a distance so he couldn’t hurt you again. But another part of you, the part that still remembered the warmth in his smile and the kindness in his eyes, wanted to believe that maybe this time, he was telling the truth. Maybe this time, he was ready to face his fears instead of running from them.

Finally, you nodded, your voice soft but steady. “Spencer, I don’t know if I can just forget everything that happened, or if we can ever go back to what we were.” You paused, swallowing the last remnants of bitterness in your throat. “But… I think I’m willing to see who we can be now… as friends.”

His face brightened, the relief evident as he let out a small, shaky breath, nodding fervently. “Thank you. Thank you for giving me even the smallest chance. I swear, I won’t take it for granted this time. I would love to be your friend again.”

Spencer’s words hung in the air between you, sincere and hopeful, filling the room with a kind of warmth you hadn’t felt in a long time. You watched as he visibly relaxed, the tension in his shoulders easing, the lines of worry on his face softening. He looked like he’d been holding his breath for years, and now, finally, he could breathe again.

You offered a tentative smile, feeling some of the weight lift from your own heart as well. “Good. Friends, then,” you said, letting the words settle, hoping they would feel real in time. It was a start—a cautious, careful start—and maybe that was all either of you could ask for right now.

Spencer reached for his glass, lifting it with a small, almost shy grin. “To friendship?”

You hesitated for just a second before picking up your own glass, meeting his gaze with a nod. “To friendship,” you echoed, clinking your glass gently against his.

For a moment, you both just sipped in silence, the atmosphere lighter, yet still laced with the unspoken acknowledgment of everything you’d been through to get to this point. But now there was something else too—a tentative trust, a fragile understanding, and a sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, you could both find a way forward. 

After a while, Spencer glanced at you with a soft smile. “So… does this mean I get to hear all about what’s been going on in your life? I feel like I’ve missed so much.”

You laughed, the sound coming easier now. “Maybe. But only if you tell me about yours. I imagine it’s been… eventful?”

Spencer chuckled, nodding. “Eventful is an understatement.” His smile grew, and you could see in his eyes a quiet gratitude—a promise, almost—that he wouldn’t let this new chance slip away.

And as the two of you fell into a familiar rhythm of conversation, it felt like the beginning of something healing, something honest—a friendship, perhaps, but one built on something much deeper, with a foundation strong enough to weather the past.

During the meal Derek set up, Spencer’s face lit up as he leaned in, his eyes sparkling with amusement and mild embarrassment. “So, picture this,” he began, already chuckling. “It’s my first day at the Bureau, and I’m nervous, right? I mean, I was 22, fresh out of college, and suddenly surrounded by all these experienced agents. And then, in walks Derek.”

You laughed, already picturing Derek’s confident stride, imagining him sizing up a much younger, slightly awkward Spencer.

“He takes one look at me,” Spencer continued, shaking his head, “and smirks like he’s just seen the nerdiest kid to ever walk through the doors of the FBI. I’m there, clutching a giant stack of files and notebooks, and he comes right up to me, flashing that classic Derek grin, and goes, ‘Hey, kid, did you get lost on a field trip?’”

You burst out laughing, covering your mouth as you imagined Spencer’s face at that moment. “No! He didn’t!”

“Oh, he did,” Spencer said, eyes widening with mock indignation, though his grin betrayed his amusement. “And it didn’t stop there. He called me ‘pretty boy’ and ‘kid’ within the first five minutes and has never stopped since.”

You shook your head, still laughing, picturing young Spencer being tossed right into Derek’s playful antics from the get-go. “I can totally see it. Poor you. And let me guess, you had no idea how to respond?”

“Absolutely none,” he replied, grinning sheepishly. “I just kind of blinked at him and stammered something about already having a map of the building… which only made him laugh harder.”

The two of you dissolved into giggles, your laughter filling the room as Spencer recounted more of his awkward encounters from that first day, each story making you laugh harder than the last. You felt a warmth spreading in your chest, the weight of the past slowly giving way to the simple joy of sharing these small moments together again.

Spencer’s eyes were already wide with anticipation as you leaned in this time, grinning with a story of your own. “Okay, the craziest job I have ever been on?,” you pondered Spencer’s question, setting the scene with a dramatic flourish. “A couple of months ago, I was hired to redo this guy’s entire downstairs ‘mancave’—you know, dark leather couches, endless sports memorabilia, a bar in the corner. The whole place just screamed midlife crisis.”

Spencer chuckled, leaning forward, clearly captivated. “Alright, I’m with you. Go on.”

“So, I’m there working, measuring walls, trying to envision the space,” you continued, “and the husband, who hired me, starts getting… a little too friendly. Like, way too friendly. He’s making these cheesy comments, trying to act all smooth, and I’m just politely nodding, desperately trying to get my work done without engaging.”

“Oh no,” Spencer said, shaking his head with a mix of laughter and disbelief. “And where was his wife during all this?”

“That’s the thing,” you said, leaning in closer, your eyes alight with excitement. “Right as he’s leaning over my shoulder, trying to impress me with some ‘fun fact’ about his baseball collection, his wife walks in. She takes one look at the situation—him practically draped over me like some tacky velvet blanket—and loses it.”

Spencer covered his mouth, his shoulders shaking with laughter. “You’re kidding!”

“Nope!” you laughed, savoring the memory. “She immediately tells me I’m fired—screaming at him, at me, at the whole mancave situation. I barely manage to grab my things and escape before things get even more awkward.”

Spencer’s eyes widened even more. “That’s insane! Did you still get paid?”

“Well, here’s the best part,” you said, grinning mischievously. “A few weeks later, I get a call. It’s her! She’s left him, found herself a nice little apartment across town, and wants to hire me again to redecorate her entire new place. She said, and I quote, ‘Let’s make this space reflect the woman I’m becoming. Classy, strong, and with no sign of men.’”

Spencer laughed so hard he had to catch his breath, shaking his head in disbelief. “That’s incredible. I can’t believe she rehired you after all of that!”

“Oh, trust me,” you said, still giggling. “It’s a project I will never forget. That apartment is full of plants, bright colors, and bookshelves—and not a single ‘mancave’ element in sight.”

Spencer chuckled, his gaze soft and warm, but beneath the smile was a glint of curiosity and a hunger for more. There was so much he wanted to ask, so many gaps in the last six years he yearned to fill in. 

“So, uh, how was the rest of your undergrad?” he ventured, his voice carrying a hint of the awkwardness he couldn’t quite shake. He’d been dancing around the question, unsure of where to begin.

You hesitated for a moment, then decided to keep things light. “Well, it was definitely boring without my favorite study buddy,” you teased, a playful smirk forming. “And, from what I heard, the rest of the students were utterly lost without their... shall we say, ‘nefarious professor?’”

Spencer groaned, instantly covering his face with his hands, his cheeks turning a noticeable shade of pink. “Oh god, you knew about that?”

You bit your lip, trying to hold back your laughter but failing as a small giggle escaped. “Your reputation precedes you, Professor.”

He peeked out from behind his hands, a mix of embarrassment and humor on his face. “I swear, I was young and stupid,” he mumbled, shaking his head with a self-deprecating smile. 

“Oh, I’m sure,” you laughed, but as the sound faded, your face softened, a more serious expression settling in. “That’s, uh… actually why I never made a move back then.”

“Oh,” Spencer murmured, the weight of the truth sinking in as he glanced down. He understood what you meant—that lingering fear you’d had, that you’d just be another one of his temporary flings, another notch in his belt. He sighed, regret lacing his voice. “That’s… that’s also why I never made a move.”

“Oh,” you echoed, the realization settling over both of you like a bittersweet memory, so many missed chances hanging between you.

You sat in silence for a moment, each of you processing the weight of that mutual hesitation, the missed opportunities. Spencer reached for his cup, taking a small sip before he looked up at you, his eyes searching yours. “I’m sorry for all of it. For making you feel like you couldn’t… that you weren’t different.”

You nodded slowly, offering him a small, understanding smile. “I know, Spencer. I know you didn’t mean for it to be that way. I think we were both just… scared.”

He smiled back, his gaze warm and grateful, the unspoken hope that maybe, just maybe, things could finally be different lingering in the air between you.

—

It had been a week since you and Spencer shared that dinner, and neither of you had been able to shake the lingering thoughts of each other. The quiet moments of laughter, the shared memories, and the glimmers of connection that you thought had faded—all of it kept replaying in your minds.

For you, it was a mix of nostalgia and something new altogether. Every time you caught yourself thinking of him, you were reminded of the sweetness that had initially drawn you to him all those years ago. Despite everything, he was still that kind, brilliant, and awkwardly charming man you’d fallen for. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that the qualities you had admired in him hadn’t changed—they were still very much a part of who he was.

For Spencer, the realization was even more profound. That evening had reawakened everything he had tried so hard to suppress. He found himself smiling at random moments, remembering your laugh, the way your eyes crinkled when you were amused, the ease with which you teased him. He’d always known he loved you, but after spending time with you again, he knew it with even more certainty. The essence of you—the parts of you that made him fall in love in the first place—were still there, and he wanted more than ever to be a part of your life.

Every time his phone buzzed, he felt a pang of hope, wondering if maybe it was you. Maybe you had gotten his number from Derek, maybe you looked him up. He debated asking Derek for your number and texting you just to say hello, but he held back, not wanting to push or ruin whatever tentative peace had grown between you both. Still, he couldn’t stop the quiet, enduring hope that maybe, just maybe, there was a future for you two.

Two weeks of silence had worn Spencer down to the point where he couldn’t hold back any longer. He found Derek by the copier, filling the quiet hum of the office with the one question that had been gnawing at him.

"Derek, has Y/N said anything about... the dinner?" Spencer’s voice was hesitant, his words laced with a mix of hope and nerves.

Derek chuckled, barely pausing as he fed another document into the copier. “Yeah, man, she said she had a great time.”

Spencer’s heart leaped, but the thrill was short-lived. "But she hasn’t reached out... do you think she's waiting for me to contact her first?" His words came out in a rush, almost pleading.

Derek turned, his expression shifting to one of mild confusion. “What? No, kid,” he shook his head, looking at Spencer like he was missing the obvious. “Y/N told me you two agreed to be friends. She’s not playing games. If you want her number, just ask her for it next time you see her.”

Spencer nodded slowly, absorbing Derek's words, but a hollow feeling lingered. Friends. It was supposed to feel like a step forward, but instead, he felt more uncertain than ever. Was she thinking about him, wondering about the possibilities, or had her life simply moved on while he was here, caught in a web of memories and what-ifs? The thought weighed on him as he returned to his desk, wondering if he’d ever get the courage to ask for more than just friendship.

Derek clapped a reassuring hand on Spencer’s shoulder, giving him a grin that held both pride and encouragement. "But hey," he said, his voice warm and steady, "I'm proud of you, kid. Sounds like you killed it. Y/N was singing your praises afterward."

Spencer’s eyes widened a little, a spark of hope igniting at Derek’s words. "She... she was?"

"Yeah," Derek chuckled, nodding. "Said you were charming, funny—even used the word 'dapper,' I think," he added with a smirk.

Spencer couldn’t help but let a small, pleased smile tug at the corners of his mouth. The knot of worry in his chest loosened just a bit. Knowing that you had spoken well of him, that you’d enjoyed the time together, made him feel like maybe, just maybe, this new beginning wasn’t such a long shot after all. 

“Thanks, Derek,” he murmured, his voice a little softer, the gratitude evident in his gaze. 

“Anytime, man,” Derek said, giving his shoulder a final pat. "Just keep being yourself. That’s the guy she was talking about."

—

Spencer’s patience was wearing thin. It had been weeks without a word, and he couldn’t shake the thought that friends should talk more often than this, right? The silence gnawed at him, pushing him to take a chance. After a moment of hesitation, he sought out Penelope to get your number.

With his heart pounding, he carefully typed out the message, fingers hovering over the screen before he finally hit send.

Hi, this is Spencer Reid. I hope it’s alright that I’m reaching out. I was wondering if you’d like to grab a coffee this weekend? Take care.

He stared at the screen for a moment, feeling the weight of vulnerability in those words, hoping he hadn’t overstepped but needing to take the swing. Now, all he could do was wait and hope you’d respond.

I'm sorry… who is this? you typed back, unable to resist a playful grin as you sent it. Then, before he could panic, you quickly added.

I only know a Professor Reid. But if you know him, could you tell him I would love to get coffee with him?

You hit send, giggling to yourself, picturing the look on his face when he read your teasing reply.

Spencer’s heart nearly stopped when he saw your response. For a split second, panic coursed through him, wondering if he’d gotten the wrong number. But then, as he read further, a grin broke across his face, and he shook his head, chuckling to himself. You hadn’t changed one bit.

Ah, I see you’re familiar with my more… scholarly persona. I’ll be sure to pass along the message to Professor Reid. He’ll be delighted to know you’re interested in coffee. Saturday at noon work for you?

As he hit send, he could already picture you laughing on the other end, and for the first time in weeks, the anticipation didn’t feel so heavy—it felt exciting.

—

You kept telling yourself this was just coffee. You’d agreed to be friends, and you were determined to honor that. But as you got ready, meticulously adjusting every detail of your outfit—a chic matching top and bottoms paired with Doc Martins—you couldn’t ignore the flutter in your chest. Deep down, you knew that with Spencer, the feelings you harbored were anything but platonic.

When you arrived at the coffee shop Spencer had chosen, you realized you’d never been there before. The place was an eclectic mix of books and cozy seating, and the scent of old paper mingled with freshly brewed coffee. It was the perfect spot for Spencer, practically radiating his energy, and you couldn’t help but smile, feeling like an 18-year-old college girl all over again, swooning over the man with his nose buried in a book.

As you approached, you took a moment to admire him. Spencer looked effortlessly dapper in a dark blazer over a burgundy sweater and dress shirt, his usual disheveled curls slightly tamed but still charmingly unruly. The sight of him made you feel breathless, as if no time had passed since those days in the library.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” you asked with a grin, echoing the very first words he had spoken to you all those years ago.

Spencer looked up, his eyes lighting up as he recognized the callback. “Of course, go ahead,” he replied, his voice warm with shared memories.

You giggled as you sat down. “What are you reading?” you asked, genuinely curious but also trying to ground yourself in casual conversation.

Spencer turned the book toward you, revealing the cover. To your surprise and delight, it was one of your favorite novels. “Good choice,” you grinned, giving him an approving nod.

Noticing his lack of coffee, you raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to order you something when I go up?” you offered.

He shook his head, a shy smile playing on his lips. “I, uh, already ordered for us. They’re going to bring it to the table when it’s ready.”

“Oh?” You tilted your head, curiosity piqued. “What did you get?”

Spencer’s cheeks flushed, his expression sheepish. “Your regular... you know, from back in the day.”

“You remember?” You couldn’t help the slight blush creeping onto your cheeks, touched by the thoughtfulness of it.

“Eidetic memory,” he shrugged with a small smile, “but I’d remember it regardless.”

Before you could say more, the waiter arrived with your drinks. Spencer smiled in recognition. “Thanks, Andy,” he said, clearly a regular here.

“No problem, Dr. Reid,” Andy replied with a friendly grin. They glanced at you with a hint of mischief. “And who is this beautiful lady you have with you today?”

Spencer’s cheeks turned a deeper shade of red as he fumbled for words, but you chuckled, stepping in with a playful smile. “Just an old friend,” you said, giving Spencer a teasing look.

“Well, if you’re just a friend…” Andy grinned, a glint of charm in their eyes. “Could I get your number?” they asked, leaning in with a playful smirk.

You saw Spencer tense across from you, his expression a blend of flustered annoyance and barely concealed jealousy. His jaw tightened slightly as he tried to keep his cool, but the look in his eyes was unmistakable. 

“Um, su–sure,” you replied, holding back a grin as you took the napkin Andy handed you and scribbled your number on it. You probably wouldn’t text them back, but the idea of Spencer squirming just a little was too tempting to resist.

As Andy walked away with a wink, you turned to find Spencer still watching, his lips pursed and a faint pink coloring his cheeks. He fiddled with his cup, glancing down, then back at you, clearly trying to play it cool but not quite succeeding.

“Making friends, are we?” he asked, a playful edge in his voice, though the slight edge of jealousy was hard to miss.

You gave him a sweet, innocent smile. “What? I thought we were just friends,” you teased, raising your cup to your lips and taking a slow sip.

Spencer’s lips quirked up in a reluctant smile, his eyes softening as he watched you. “Touché,” he murmured, unable to hide his amusement—or, perhaps, his relief that you were still here, sharing this moment with him.

Spencer leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, a spark of newfound confidence in his eyes that you hadn’t seen back in your college days. He tilted his head slightly, studying you with an intensity that made your cheeks warm.

“So, you’re giving out your number to just anyone now, huh?” he asked, his voice laced with a teasing tone. His eyes never left yours, the hint of a smirk playing at his lips.

You let out a small laugh, trying to brush off the heat rising to your face. “What? I’m allowed to have friends,” you replied, aiming for casual but knowing you were failing miserably under his gaze.

“Friends…” he mused, his eyes drifting down to the way your fingers fidgeted with your cup. “That’s interesting, because I don’t remember you ever giving me your number back in college.”

The implication in his words sent a rush of butterflies through you. You tried to keep your composure, but the way he was looking at you—with that quiet, calculated confidence—made it impossible.

“Maybe you didn’t ask,” you countered, raising an eyebrow in challenge, though you felt your own heartbeat quicken at his proximity.

Spencer leaned in even closer, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Well, maybe I’m asking now.” His voice was soft, his gaze lingering on your lips before flicking back up to meet your eyes. He was clearly enjoying this, watching you get flustered in a way he’d never seen before.

You opened your mouth to respond but found yourself momentarily speechless. This wasn’t the Spencer you remembered—he was more self-assured, and the way he was looking at you made it clear that he wasn’t the same shy, awkward boy from college. You couldn’t help but glance down at his hand on the table, inches away from yours, and you felt the urge to close that gap.

He seemed to notice where your gaze had drifted, and his fingers brushed yours, sending a jolt of electricity through you. “So,” he said, his tone lower, almost daring, “if I asked for your number now, would I have to compete with Andy for your attention?”

You managed a breathless laugh, feeling your face heat up. “You clearly already got it from somewhere, but I think… maybe I could make an exception for you,” you replied, trying to match his confidence but failing as your voice wavered slightly.

Spencer’s smile widened, clearly pleased with himself. “Good,” he murmured, his thumb grazing the back of your hand for just a moment longer before he finally leaned back in his chair, giving you a little space to breathe.

But that look in his eyes remained, a silent promise that he wasn’t done teasing you just yet.

As the coffee moment faded, Spencer looked down at his cup, gathering his thoughts before asking the question that had been lingering in the back of his mind. He glanced up at you, a little hesitant but determined, his gaze soft yet intense.

“So… have you, um, been seeing anyone?” he asked, trying to keep his tone casual but failing as his voice took on a hint of vulnerability.

The question surprised you, and you couldn’t help but smile at his attempt to mask his curiosity. You met his eyes, shrugging slightly as you considered how to answer. “Not really. I’ve gone on a few dates here and there, but… nothing serious. No one really stuck, you know?”

Spencer's shoulders visibly relaxed, and he nodded, a small, almost relieved smile appearing on his lips. “Yeah, I get that,” he replied, his voice soft, as though he was processing your words.

You tilted your head, curiosity getting the better of you. “What about you, Spencer? Anyone special?”

He shook his head, a slight flush creeping up his neck. “No, not really. There were a few… attempts, well more like one I guess, but nothing meaningful. I think—” He hesitated, his eyes flicking back to yours, more serious now. “I think I was always… comparing them. To you.”

Your breath caught, and for a moment, you didn’t know what to say. His confession hung in the air between you, as heavy as it was tender, and you felt the warmth of his words settle into your chest.

“Spencer…” you began softly, not sure if you wanted to press further or just let the moment be.

He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat but not breaking eye contact. “I don’t mean to make things uncomfortable,” he added quickly, a little nervous laugh escaping. “I just… I don’t think anyone else ever really understood me the way you did. And I don’t know if anyone ever will.”

Your gaze softened, and without thinking, you reached across the table, letting your hand rest gently over his. “Spencer, I… I understand.” You could feel his fingers tense slightly under your touch before he relaxed, his hand turning just enough to hold yours back.

Neither of you spoke, but the quiet admission in his words, in the shared look between you, seemed to bridge the gap that had been lingering all these years. This wasn’t about the past, and it wasn’t about unfinished business—it was about the connection you both still felt, and maybe even the hope that there was more to come.

The silence stretched, not awkward but full, as if both of you were finally coming to terms with what had always been there, waiting. Spencer’s thumb brushed against the back of your hand, his gaze lingering on your intertwined fingers.

“Do you think… we could try again?” he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes searching yours with a mixture of hope and uncertainty.

Spencer’s face fell as your words hit him, the gentle hope in his expression dissolving into something more resigned, almost apologetic. “Spencer… no,” you said softly, each word a mixture of reluctance and finality. You took a steadying breath. “Or—I don’t know. We’ve only just started being friends again, and I need you to respect that.”

As you stood, gathering your bag, the emotions bubbling up inside were too much to process here. The vulnerability, the confusion, the lingering affection—all of it weighed too heavily. You needed space, a moment to breathe away from him and the swirl of old feelings coming to life.

“I need to go,” you murmured, almost to yourself. Then, louder, “I’m sorry.”

Spencer shot to his feet, reaching out as if he might stop you, his voice strained with a sudden desperation. “Y/N! Wait—please!”

But you couldn’t bear to look back, not with the uncertainty clouding your heart. You turned and made your way out of the café, each step feeling heavier than the last, his words echoing in your mind even as you slipped through the door and out into the open air.

Spencer’s heart broke as he watched you leave, the door chiming softly behind you as you stepped out of the coffee shop. He remained seated, staring at the spot where you’d been, his heart sinking with regret and longing. He’d overstepped, pushed too soon, and he knew it. The rush of seeing you again, the glimmer of hope, had clouded his judgment.

He ran a shaky hand through his hair, berating himself for his impatience. He’d waited years, and yet he couldn’t manage a few more months to let you feel comfortable, to let things develop naturally. All the lessons he thought he’d learned, the promises he’d made to himself to be careful, had crumbled the moment he was alone with you.

Taking a deep breath, he rose from his seat, leaving his unfinished coffee behind. He stepped outside, half-hoping he might see you down the street, but there was no sign of you. The crisp air bit at him, making everything feel sharper, clearer—he’d have to be patient. He’d have to show you he respected your boundaries and that he was capable of being your friend without expectation or pressure.

As he began his walk home, he took a deep breath, silently resolving to make things right. Next time, he’d wait. He’d listen. And he’d let you set the pace.

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[fxckn-sxck-fr]

❗❗ HEY ❗❗ I SAUR YEW ADD BUCKY BARNES TO YOUR MLIST 🫵🫵🫵 YOU AINT SLICK ❗❗

anywayssss would you be willing to rank your comic book men on least to most willing to kill for their darling? i know we got your opinion on dick but i wanna see how it compares to everyone else

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐂 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋…

!!! GN reader, mentions of death/murder, violence, breaking bones, intimidation, threats, manipulation, general mental issues, biochemical attack (how the fuck did we get here), mutilation, self-harm, can be translated as either romantic or platonic.

Help, why did the beginning of this ask trigger my fight or flight for 0.2 seconds, LMAO. I dropped my phone like I was caught red-handed or some shit.

So, I initially made an oath to not answer any more asks until I either finish Life With Older Brother IV or my secret side project, but then I got this ask and figured I could use a little creative break. I’m hitting some brick walls right now with all of my writing projects, sobs.

So!! Here we go. Remember, this is in the order of least to most likely in a general sense. Featuring some new faces because I’m finally confident in depicting their comic book counterparts, yippee!!

Jaime Reyes: Obviously, if the scarab had its way, anyone who poses as a threat to Jaime’s beloved would be neutralized. But we’re talking about Jaime. As long as he’s in full control, he’d probably do everything in his power to not kill anyone, even if it’s for you. He knows he’s fucked in the head. No matter how hard he tries to convince himself it’s still just the scarab preying on his anxieties, it’s getting harder and harder to distinguish Khaji Da’s thoughts from his own. This spiral into insanity around his own morality and guilt would have him cling oh-so desperately to the idea that he’s still a hero. To him, the no-kill role is the only way to know for sure he’s still (kind of) himself.

Bruce Wayne: He’s The Batman. Of course he doesn’t kill. Sure, he may be a bit more violent towards potential threats when it comes to you, but he still doesn’t kill. It’s a core belief that he’ll stick to for as long as evil lurks in the shadows of Gotham. Besides, why would he need to kill when cracking a few ribs gets the message across just fine? Most people don’t even want to fuck with him in the first place; both as Bruce Wayne and especially The Batman. In many cases, simple intimidation will do the trick. It’s much neater than violence. Though violence is definitely still on the table when he’s in a mood (Alfred, for the last time, he does not need a therapist. He’s perfectly functional).

Clark Kent: Whereas Batman doesn’t kill, Superman can’t kill. Meaning, Clark is well aware of the image he has to uphold as the ever-so hopeful Man of Tomorrow. Which is actually fine by him. Due to his strong sense of morals, the thought of blood on his hands makes him sick to his stomach. But there are some cases where that dark voice in the back of his mind whispers he could easily snap the neck of that weirdo talking to you. Of course, this is clearly just a strange intrusive thought, and he guiltily shakes it out of his head the moment it appears. He’s Superman, for heaven’s sake! He’s better than that! Stooping to that level is simply not an option. But you know what is an option? Gripping people hard enough that their bones shatter. Accidents do happen, after all…

Wally West: The chances of him killing are very slim. Believe it or not, he’s not against the idea or anything (only when it comes to you), it’s just he doesn’t see the need to get his hands dirty. There are enough tactics in his arsenal that the thought won’t even cross his mind. A silver tongue can work miracles on its own, and standing at 6 feet tall, Wally can be surprisingly intimidating in his own right. Should there be any threat agains you, he’s more focused on getting you out of harm’s way than beating the shit out of anyone (that comes later, away from your prying eyes). At worst, anyone who pushes their luck will get fractures and road rashes as a result. Killing just isn’t an impulse Wally has. But if it absolutely has to happen… well, wouldn’t that be a shame?

Dick Grayson: As mentioned before in a previous ask, killing is off the table. Dick’s still a hero, and heroes don’t kill. It’s just that he miiiight accidentally lose control if he sees you in a critical state. The ask goes into much deeper detail than this, but to sum it up, he would feel devastated afterwards but eventually justify it to himself. It was to protect you… if he didn’t do it, god only knows what would’ve happened. Otherwise, he’s not one to get his hands dirty like that. The most he’ll do is deliver a very ominous threat that doesn’t outright mean he’s going to kill anyone, but the implications aren’t very pretty. And, if he can help it, he’d rather if you’re not in earshot. Unless if he somehow sees it as a good manipulation tactic. Then sure, you can hear all about how he’s going to drown someone in their own bathroom.

Peter Parker: He has a strong aversion to killing. Now, is that an outright no? As much as he’d like to think so, there are situations where no-kill is optional. Most of them involve you being in active danger. While he doesn’t go out of his way to kill anyone, he sure as hell isn’t thinking about the survivability of his rampage to make sure you’re safe. Causalities would be collateral damage; unfortunate, but possibly necessary. He also has a habit of threatening people’s lives when he’s particularly pissed off. As long as you’re not in some sort of critical state, he usually doesn’t follow through with them (and may even feel guilty afterwards). That being said, hearing your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man deliver a cold one-liner about wanting someone dead is still hella scary.

Steve Rogers: Listen, it’s not at all what he wants. He wouldn’t advocate for murdering your problems away both with or without the shield. But sometimes — just sometimes — it’s necessary. Of course he’d kill someone that posed as a threat to your personal safety. That doesn’t make him a terrible person or anything; most people would do that for their loved ones. Where the line starts to blur, however, is when there isn’t any immediate danger. Does that weirdo who was looking at you for too long count? God— no, Rogers. What is wrong with you?! But… then again, there was this look in their eyes… something’s just so off about them. Ultimately, Steve wouldn’t go through with it, but the thought does cross his mind. Not that he’d ever admit it, of course.

Hal Jordan: The answer is yes, but mostly because he’s a Lantern. Sometimes, neutralizing the threat is necessary. He would absolutely kill if it meant saving your life. Is it ideal? Absolutely not. Is it cathartic?… Lowkey. Hal’s not afraid to abuse his right as a Lantern to “neutralize the threat.” But keep in mind that this is a rare occurrence that depends on his mood. Really, he only considers it for situations you’re extremely distressed by, like some piece of shit giving you the creeps. He wouldn’t kill for his own personal gain, as much as he sometimes wants to; this is all about you, not him. I also don’t really see him having regrets. If he wants someone dead, he absolutely means it.

Remy LeBeau: It’s simple; if he’s gotta do it, he’s gotta do it. He’s got not moral hang-ups when it comes to killing. He doesn’t do it often, but he’s willing to clean up a mess or two if needed. The need to kill ranges from your personal safety to just not liking someone’s vibe. If that were the case, he’d give the poor sucker more than enough hints to leave you alone. Murder would be a last resort should they not listen; which is totally on them, by the way. Gambit can’t help it if they’re not the sharpest tool in the shed. Is kinetically charging someone’s car to explode not enough of a warning or something? Man, what is wrong with people these days…

Tim Drake: Okay. Tim is just so versatile. Yes, he’s absolutely morally opposed to killing. Yes, it’s a necessary evil. Yes, the thought of it makes him want to throw up. Yes, he’d do it in a heartbeat for you. Somehow, all of these thoughts coexist in his sick little head. What makes Tim a threat is the fact he’s extremely unstable. One day, he’s got himself in check; god, he would never kill anyone, why would he do that?! Then the next day, he seems to have a change of heart; if anyone even looks your way, he’s dumping anthrax in their cereal. His preferred method is something clean, but if he’s in a particularly bad mood, he may revert to some mutilation with his nails. On those particularly violent days, he’d much rather harm himself than others, but there is something cathartic about scratching at someone else while sobbing about minute problems. Though that’s one hell of a “did I do that” moment when it’s over.

Scott Summers: Yes. And he’ll fucking do it again, too. When it comes to you, this man has killed people by accident before. Did he give a shit? Absolutely not. Why would he care if someone doesn’t know how to protect their spinal column when taking a blow; especially if it’s someone who dared to lay a hand on you? And, yeah, he’s supposed to be a good role model for mutants all over the globe, but a good leader knows how to take calculated risks when needed. Your safety is his top priority, meaning he’ll do whatever he deems necessary to keep danger away. Man, is it just absolutely brutal watching someone’s skin melt away from the friction of one continuous optic blast. Who knew he could cave in skulls with that shit?

Bucky Barnes: Let’s be honest, is anyone surprised? Yeah, that’s what I thought. You could simply point to someone you hate and they’d be gone within the next 24 hours. Bucky isn’t here to fuck around. While he may regret any kills he was forced to carry out, he sure as hell doesn’t regret the ones he’s actively choosing to do. If anything, his conditioning has left him no other way to show his total devotion to you. Yes, this means you he leaves fresh human hearts at your doorstep. Yes, this means he strings up the remains of your annoying colleagues where you can see them outside. Yes, this means he watches you sleep while caked in blood and guts after every nightly kill. Some small part of him knows it’s wrong, but he really could not give less of a shit. So much for trying to reform him…

[satellite-evans]

poets & soulmates

Pairing: Harry Styles x reader

Summary: Harry doesn’t know how to react when he learns that you don’t believe in soulmates.

Word count: a cute little blurb

Warnings: angst? Flufffff

A/N: heyyyyy!!!!!

It’s been ages since I last posted a fic, so I am soooo excited to post my very first Harry Styles one! I really hope you guys like it, I’ve worked on this for a while, so let’s see how it goes. I’m very excited and nervous to post this, but I am so happy to be back! Please tell me what you guys think and give me as much as feedback as you can so I can grow and be a better Harry fic writer for you all xxx

English is not my first language, so I apologize if I made any (grammar) mistakes. Feedback, requests, talks, vents, recommendations or just simple questions are always welcome.

Happy reading xxx

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site.

~

If you had to describe the love you shared with Harry with a poem, you would probably choose the one from Edgar Allan Poe.

“We loved with a love that was more than love.”

It said so much in such few words; the best description of your love for him.

Because it is true, it is more than love. Always had been. If you took the love out of the relationship, you and Harry would be left with so much to survive. There was trust, for example. And also intimacy. Not to forget there was an understanding between you, too, that no one understood. If you were in a room with thousands of people, he would recognize you, every single time. Like you were a shining diamond between rocks. The effect you both had on each other, was beyond explaining in chemistry. Harry could touch you, and the breath that would escape from your lips oh so silently would already expose the effect he had on you.

Harry was no different, either. Seeing you smile proudly when you looked at him, made him turn into dust, that you blew away with your eyes. But he was afraid at first. To love.

He was afraid to love you.

For him, you were a stunning mystery. You carried things deep inside you that no one understood, and Harry was afraid to fail like the others. In his eyes, you were like the ocean and he was just a man who loved the waves but was completely terrified of swimming.

How couldn’t he be? At twenty nine, everyone had an idea in their head about how Harry was in relationships. Some said that he was single because he had commitment issues, others said the reason he was still alone was that he was too much of a playboy.

Yes, he had a few relationships before you and some of them did not end well, but Harry always respected and treated them with his kindness, always wanted the best for them.

He would do everything for his love, for you.

“Hey, love?” He asked you, clearly with hesitation. The way his voice shook a little didn’t go unnoticed by you in his London home where the both of you were lying in his bed. After spring came, Harry offered you to stay with him until summer so the two of you could enjoy long walks in the park with his favorite companion. You never said yes to an offer so quickly before in your life.

“Yes H, everything okay?”

How? How was it that every time Harry wanted to start a subject that was sensitive for him, you already knew by just the way he asked you his first question? Call it magic, call it luck. Harry liked to call it love.

“Do you think we’re soulmates? Like-I mean, we would be together and we will be forever?”

He didn’t know why that question was so important to him, but it was. He wanted to know your opinions and thoughts about the future both of you had. Every time Harry was dreaming about his future and how it would look, he realized you were always there. In the audience when he opened his biggest show ever, in the delivery room when he held his baby for the first time, everywhere. So your answer was very important to him. He wanted- no; he needed to know if he was present in your future as much as you were present in his.

“No, I don’t think we are. But that’s because I don’t believe in soulmates.”

Ouch. That shouldn’t have hurt him, but it did. Blaming you would be pointless. You didn’t believe in the whole idea of soulmates, but that didn’t make him less insecure. He knew it was too good to be true. That you were too good to be true.

The whole aura of the room changed and Harry slowly got up from where he was lying between your legs. You saw that his demeanor changed and that the happy, slightly tired Harry got replaced with a sad Harry.

“Hey, hey what’s that all about? Why the sad face?”

Honesty was one thing you both took extremely seriously. So that’s what you wanted to do this time, too. But without realizing you broke slightly Harry’s heart.

“It’s nothing, really. You don’t have to believe we are soulmates. I don’t know why I’m sad if I am being honest.” He said with a slight smirk that didn’t reach his eyes. He was clearly devastated by your answer.

You sat closer to him on his bed, touched his cheeks with your hands, and stared him deeply into his eyes. Harry already felt his heartbeat going faster. It was going so fast that he thought he was going to have a stroke. He held on to your arm dearly, so if he fainted, you could hold him. Like you always had been.

“I don’t believe in soulmates, and I don’t think that you & I were meant to end up together. What I believe is that we fell in love & that we worked hard for our relationship. I mean, look at you, you’re an amazing person with qualities so great that an individual can only dream of having those. Every woman is lucky to have you. I am from another country and I am younger than you. Remember all the news that they made about us when we first started going out? They told me I was a gold digger, that you were too good for me, that you cheated on me, and so on. But we didn’t listen to any of them. We let our love grow because we knew, H. We knew that what we had was special, and not everybody was lucky enough to feel what we felt. So no, I don’t think we are soulmates. But you are the one for me; Harry. You were in my past when I didn’t even know. You are my person in the present, And you will be in the future. Because I will always, undoubtedly, love you.”

Without waiting for his response, you connected your lips with his. You knew he was sensitive and these bare confessions took a toll on him, so you just kissed him, to let him know it was okay. That you were there for him, always.

“Just give me 3-5 business days, and I’ll come up with even a bigger love confession, promise.”

Harry said, after he broke the bruising kiss.

He wasn’t lying. Harry had no words to say to you. He knew you loved him, but not that much. It was like his brain & heart were on fire and you just put them out with your words. Relief washed over him, and like a cherry on his favorite cake, you kissed him with adoration.

“Oh, I know you will. It’s a known fact that you were always better with words, but just so you know, you don’t have to. I feel your love every time you look at me. Hate to break it to you, but your eyes give it away how much you love me, Styles.”

He didn’t care about the idea of the whole soulmate anymore. He felt so stupid that he was thinking about that. The love that the both of you shared, was more special, and rare. The two of you were even better than soulmates.

“That I do, Y/N. That I do. I love you so fucking much. It sometimes hurts. It hurts not to touch you, not to be near you, not to kiss you.”

He closed the gap between you with a passionate kiss again, that knocked your breath away. Your whole body was on fire, not knowing what to do. With every touch of his on your skin, the fire started to get more and more aggressive. He released your lips, but stayed close, so you could feel his breath on your lips and he could hear your heartbeat going faster.

“I am no poet, Y/N but just know that if I was, you would be my biggest inspiration.”

You looked him in the eyes, trying to control your breathing, but it was a lost cause. His blue eyes were like ice digging into your heart, and the only thing you could do was surrender.

“That might be the best poem I’ve ever heard.”

[blvcklizard]

I was going to treat this idea as an AU, but while making this post I realised it works out a lot better than I initially thought, so it's a theory now. Unless- disclaimer- it was mentioned that it did in fact happen in canon at some point and I either missed it or completely forgot, in that case it's more like an analysis. While I'm at it, major spoilers for Castti's story and Journey for the Dawn ahead. (Also under cut because it got a little ramble-y and stupidly long, I got carried away I'm sorry.)

Anyway. It would make so much sense if Trousseau encountered a shadow at some point?

The Castti/Ochette crossed path essentially explains that the shadow uses the darkness in your heart (which like, despite his characterisation, he had plenty of), so not only would he be absolutely weak to it (if even Castti almost broke down, someone who's already extremely unstable on that matter isn't holding up for two seconds here), it'd also explain why he lost his mind like that? Like, I can totally see Claude and the Book of Night twisting his idea of salvation, and he clearly wasn't the pinnacle of mental stability before either, but shadow influence playing into his insanity would make so much sense.

This could go two ways, either that the effects of the shadow put him under so much stress he just snapped, or that he was actually (partially) taken over by it, as we've seen, I assume, the shadow attempting to do Castti in her second crossed path chapter. I don’t like the idea of treating these two as entirely separate where one would be correct and the other not, realistically it's probably a mix of both, but for the sake of exploring I'll treat them as two different options.

The first one is probably more in line with canon, because it might as well be a side effect to the poison (rather than an actual shadow encounter). It's very heavily implied he experimented with it, so he probably came in contact with it too. There's no actual evidence that it affects the mind iirc (you could argue that Castti's amnesia/hallucinations fall into that category, but personally I don't think so) but if he repeatedly handled shadow energy, I can very well imagine it resonated with all the issues he already had. It would also explain the changes he went through from Castti's chapter 3 to 4. (This is a small detour but he seemed slightly more sane in her chapter 3, mostly regarding the way he acted towards Eir's Apothecaries/Castti. In chapter 3, he obviously still cared about them despite everything since he wanted to keep them out of the picture, and the scene where he leaves Healeaks is called something like "painful goodbye" [loosely translated as I'm not playing the game in English] too. Meanwhile in chapter 4 he's far quicker to see Castti as the enemy and doesn't try to explain his actions anymore.) This is actually relevant for my next point, which is another reason why I think both cases would likely coexist.

(I'm back at defending a part of his characterisation most people don't like, I'm sorry, it's something I actually love for multiple reasons. anyway) As for the "partial possession" approach, it would also explain the duality of his state. We see this a few times, but the most extreme example is the mid-battle dialogue during his boss, where he (rather explicitly) goes from "in a lot of pain and genuiely believes he's doing the only right thing" to "insane mass murderer" within a few lines. And sure, maybe he truly tried to convince Castti and realised it was pointless, but that doesn't seem in line with his previous actions. So I'm not talking about possession in the literal sense, but rather that two states of being coexist in his mind. On the one hand a part influenced by the book and his general instability, that genuinely believes all life is suffering and there's no other way out, and on the other hand the death-obsessed maniac that's influenced by the shadow.

I just think the distinction between his belief system and mental state is interesting, and if we assume it's true, it'd further support the idea that it has different origins. It'd "realistically" make so much sense too, as far as we can speak of such in this context lol. Claude and the book convincing him that murder is the kindest choice makes enough sense, but imagining his insanity as the result of shadow influence adds such an interesting layer to the whole thing, especially in contrast to Castti in light of her second crossed path chapter.

[rysingsun]

Hypothetical Quest for Camelot sequel

I know Quest for Camelot isn’t the most well-known movie, but it’s a nostalgic favorite of my childhood.

I’d love to see a sequel one day. Would be great if blind people and conjoined twins were writers or at least significantly consulted. I’ve read and watched a few reviews on the disability rep in it over the last couple years, revisiting after each rewatch. Here are two I revisited after today’s rewatch of the movie here and here. What I’ve gathered is while the rep is not the best ever, it’s not the worst ever either. Some lines could have been left out or changed and the movie would’ve been better for it (“Frankly we’re the reason cousins shouldn’t marry,” about the conjoined twins. “I wish you could see it,” proceeds to not bother to describe the view to the blind man).

As I said, I am very nostalgic for the movie. Though I better understand some of the movie’s flaws now than I did as a child, I would like to keep this conversation as a “Yes, and” sequel to the original film rather than a reboot of the original movie.

(my thoughts below)

Things I would NOT want to see:

- a new romance storyline (please god no not every movie needs one they’re always rushed at best, plus the first movie already had a decent one, we’re good). If the two leads are married in this movie, that’s fine. If it builds to them getting married, sure. Unless they’re expanding on the Garett and Kayley relationship (they did NOT marry at the end of the first, they were knighted), I would prefer the focus is kept on platonic relationships.

- A “i hate my spouse” or “stupid marital misunderstanding” storyline (narrows eyes at Mulan and Frozen sequels).

- Trying to force Kayley into a feminine or maternal role she doesn’t want only to prove to everyone that it’s okay if she’s different and doesn’t wear dresses. This wasn’t an issue in the first movie. It doesn’t need to be a whole thing in the sequel. She’s a knight, it’s already feminist. She doesn’t need to “prove herself” or call attention to how feminine or tomboy she is in that way. I just don’t want the sequel to be dedicated to any of these characters needing to justify their identity/existence. The first movie already established they were “outcasts” and the ending symbolizes acceptance and community and all that jazz. Don’t retread this ground.

Things I would like to see:

- Another blind character or maybe multiple. One review I read pointed out that although it made sense given the setting and his backstory that he didn’t, Garrett would have benefitted from knowing other blind people. I’d love to see that in a sequel. Maybe Garrett has become the mentor to a blind child, as Kayley’s dad was for him (not caused by an accident— that was done last movie). Or maybe now that Camelot has become more accepting he’s gotten to know other low-vision and blind people in the city and countryside. Maybe they all meet up regularly, would be great to see since he was so isolated in the first movie. He may not be a social butterfly but we introverts do still like to have friends haha.

- Let the brothers thrive! I wanna see Devon and Cornwall living their best lives (or at least trying to). Now that they can actually pursue their dreams, maybe there’re scheduling conflicts or they otherwise are trying to juggle both of their wants. Not as antagonistically as in the first movie, but I would think they can still be frustrated siblings sometimes. Devon can actually join a theatre troupe now. Cornwall can… do whatever it is he wanted to do. All I really saw in rereading the song lyrics of their “I Want” song was that he wanted to be a cool/powerful dragon. How would that translate? Join the knights? A frat group? Be homesick for Dragon Country? Devon clearly knows who he is and wants to be but maybe Corny’s still on that journey. I want them to be a decently strong B-plot of the movie. They deserve to be more than just a constant butt of jokes. I want to see what they do now that the dream is attainable and not in some far off land.

- What’s the griffin up to? Even if it’s just a cameo I’d be curious what he’s doing after Ruber’s death.

- Musical. Apparently some people don’t jive with the musical aspect. I loved it about the first movie though and think it’d be fitting for the sequel to also have a solid repertoire of original songs. Hell, maybe Merlin will be more relevant and have a song. I dunno. Spitballing.

—

I’m pretty sure a sequel isn’t planned on happening. But what would you guys like to see if one did happen?

[cursedvibes]

For the ship ask, shamelessly targeting your weaknesses: TenKen and ItaMahi

And because I like to set tiny fires: SatoSugu

Oh, spicy! Time to fan that fire 😆

TenKen

Ship It

What made you ship it?

I got interested as soon as we met Tengen in ch 145. Her calling Kenjaku a "child" (unfortunately the official translation forgot about that) and Kenjaku previously calling her basically a stagnant, unimportant geezer made me sure there must be some drama hidden in their past and boy was I right. I initially only saw them as a broken up teacher-student dynamic, where the favourite student went astray or maybe a parent-child one and I still hold onto that (not even Tengen is save from Kenjaku's mommy issues), but it evolved way beyond that. I really fell down the rabbit hole when the fight against Yuki started and I've been down here ever since. Still see them mostly as queer-platonic though, not necessarily romantic or sexual, but that doesn't mean there isn't a lot of pining and longing and vore to work with.

What are your favourite things about the ship?

I like how we see a completely different side of Kenjaku when they are around Tengen. They act like a petulant child screaming for attention or a slighted ex. They get loud and petty, very unlike their usual composed appearance. And even if Tengen is good at hiding it, she clearly feels something for Kenjaku too because we wouldn't be in this situation if she had just told one of her six eyes users to kill Kenjaku once and for all. It would take more effort to pull them back at the last second than just let them pulverize Kenjaku. Also, generally the dichotomy between them (dark/light, young/old, progress/stagnation etc) and how they are still always drawn to each other gives so much to explore and it only gets better the more information we get. And there's the implication that they both experimented with Sukuna's body, possibly at the same time. Morally dubious scientist power couple?

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

There aren't really that many opinions on them out there...maybe: let Tengen be old. Her whole thing is aging, so I don't think she looked like in that one sketch we got in the Heian era or Nara period before she merged with a Star Plasma Vessel.

ItaMahi

Ship It

What made you ship it?

I'm usually not big on shipping Yuuji with anyone, but the end of the Shibuya arc definitely unlocked something for me and the anime gave me new fuel. Some great fanart and fic did the rest. I think what I like most about it is how it brings out a more cold and cruel side of Yuuji, very unlike what we see in his relationships with other characters except maybe Sukuna, but with Mahito it feels a lot more raw.

What are your favourite things about the ship?

There is just that pure hate and contrary to Sukuna for example, they are on eye level. They develop together, they challenge each other, they bring out the worst in each other. During their fight you really get the feeling of them just desperately clawing at each other and wanting to kill the other by any means necessary. Very beautiful. Mahito enjoying himself during it and Yuuji taking his own satisfaction in chasing him down make it especially juicy. It's so animalistic and pure and could easily turn into great hate sex.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I don't like when people turn this into basically Mahito just torturing and raping Yuuji, but unfortunately that is a big part of the content that does exist for this ship. The great thing about this ship is their dynamic of push and pull and that there isn't any clear power imbalance between them and I personally enjoy seeing Yuuji push Mahito into the dirt and humiliating him. So I only like it if Yuuji is either the more dominant one (don't care about top or bottom) or it switches between them.

SatoSugu

Why don’t you ship it?

Well, I do think they have some feelings for each other that go beyond being ex-high school friends and I think that's pretty much canon too, no matter if you think those feelings are platonic or not. They give me the impression of being very repressed, but who knows, maybe they used to date or maybe they fucked right up until Gojo blew a hole into Geto. Who cares. As you know, it doesn't work for me for similar reasons as you have. I can't stand Geto and I think he brings out the worst in Gojo. Like Gojo is at his most annoying when he's whining about Geto (although his behaviour during the Sukuna fight is a close second). I used to have a bit more appreciation for their bond during Hidden Inventory, but the ever-present fandom of this ship soured me a lot on it. I prefer to stay away as far as I can from it now.

What would have made you like it?

Geto being a less punchable person? Being less bigoted and overall being a grand idiot about it too? There's not much about it that would honestly make me ship it unless you massively change the characters involved.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

It was very nice of Gojo to not destroy Geto's body out of sentimentality and leave room for Kenjaku to jump in :)

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Takeomi, Self-Esteem and Denial (and more)

@raizelswitch, thank you for waiting!

TL;DR : I want a BD spin-off and I want it from Takeomi’s POV even though he’d be such an unreliable narrator (and like that we could also have a Akashi siblings spin-off, two birds, one stone). Takeomi has a lot of issues and making him raise children and naming him vice captain was a bad idea since it only made things worse. He had developed both an inferiority and superiority complex to cope. And we were robbed of any interaction between him and Inui, the other famous ‘can’t let go of Black Dragon even after x years’ character.

Who wants to read about 17,000 words about Takeomi (I didn’t expect to write this much, what the heck)? Clearly not Tumblr because I spent way too much time having to reorder this post, it mixed it all up everytime ! It also refused to post it for hours

The translations of Wakasa’s and Benkei’s ‘a day in his life’ as well as Takeomi’s failure story come from the Twitter user RanHaruchiyo

I feel like I made a few mistakes so there : English is not my native language, I apologize if some sentences don’t make sense. Sorry for any type of typos as well.

I referred to the past (beside the final timeline) as ‘canon-timeline’ several times because I had no clue how to name it. It’s not the futures, it’s not the original or final timeline, it’s… it’s the past until the final timeline comes in.

When you reach the top – the only way is down. (and up and down…)

Let’s get started with something very quick – Takeomi was created to be the exact opposite of Shinichiro. And when you’re the exact opposite of a character who’s perfectly good, loved by everyone (other characters and fans alike), then the writer uses you to be bad. Not necessarily evil - Takeomi isn’t evil - but ‘not good’.

And Wakui doesn’t shy away from that. I’m keeping the analysis of the kanji of the Akashi and Sano siblings’ names for the end, so I’ll just talk about the ‘shi’ of ‘Akashi’ here, to show what I mean.

司 (Akashi) means ‘administrator, official, a governor whom the emperor chose to carry on the imperial policies in provinces’. It fits Takeomi’s role pretty much, right ? He had a high rank in Black Dragon, but Shinichiro was above and that’s when it starts to be very interesting. 司 upside down gives 后. And it means ‘monarch, king, emperor, queen, empress’ – nice coincidence, isn’t it ?. It’s literally the same kanji upside down. Takeomi is Shinichiro upside down. Is that why he’s the rain bringer while Shinichiro, always being seen in a positive light, would be linked to the sun ? I already thought of Takeomi as a ‘teru teru bozu’ since they’re supposed to bring rain when hung upside down and it’s not stupid to think of Shinichiro, oh so perfect Shinichiro, as a ‘sun bringer’ – after all, like Mikey, he took over Japan, did he not ?

Plus, the sun is their most famous goddess (Amaterasu)’s symbol, Japan’s symbol, and by such the emperor’s symbol.

And when you’re that. When you’re the mirror of such a perfect character, how can you not be made but only of flaws ? You’re made to be bad in everything he is good – and the opposite isn’t guaranteed to be true. What if making you good in things he’s bad in makes you good ? No, no, you’re supposed to be bad. Because he’s good, and you’re his polar opposite. He’s bad in excusable things. You’re bad in barely forgivable things. It’s not important for him to be a horrible fighter, even in a story centered around gang fights. It’s unforgivable for you to not know how to raise your siblings, in a story built on siblings' relationships.

And Shinichiro is great at raising Mikey and Emma, while Takeomi isn’t that much of a fighter. We see him fight a bit when he goes with Brahman to confront South about Draken’s death, but it’s not big important fights, Benkei and Wakasa, and later Senju, are the ones fighting. And Benkei and Wakasa were Black Dragon 1st generation’s main fighting power, as the guard and special attack unit captains.

(Heck, Shinichiro is listed n°1 best in bikes riders, Takeomi is n°3 worst - yet another thing he's either bad or average at. (Wakasa is n°3 best, we dont know where Benkei lies. Mikey is 2nd best, Takemichi and Senju are respectively 1st and 2nd worse))

Shinichiro is good, even when he kills. Takeomi is only ever bad or less-bad. Perhaps Wakui initially planned scenes where he was ��good’, but they never came to be, so instead we’re stuck with a character who has a potential for a redemption arc and who never got it.

(Look at this ! He became self aware! And finally stopped living in denial !)

(We never see him again after this btw. He never gets to talk to Sanzu.)

If there’s one thing Takeomi is good at, it’s strategy.

He is feared, he is called « God of War », he is named vice-captain…

By other people. By other delinquents. By Shinichiro.

He doesn’t think he’s the reason all of that happens. He isn’t those things, he receives them (use of passive voice). By such, if people don’t give him, then he’s left with nothing. No matter if he is good at something, if people aren’t there to tell him, then he doesn’t think he is. Takeomi thinks of his worth, his validity as a person by how others perceive him - they praise him ? He must be great ! They ignore him ? How pathetic has he become.

When do people say that ? When he’s Black Dragon Vice-Captain. When is he Black Dragon vice-captain ? When Shinichiro is on top. That’s why he panics in chapter 230 when Shinichiro tells him about disbanding the gang. If the gang gets disbanded, what does he have left ? If Shinichiro tells him to stop following him around (chapter 230: “I was always by Shin’s side”) what is he supposed to do ? He is but “an ordinary kid. Whether it be in sports, or studies, [...] just average. [...] a normal child, not special at all” (same chapter) whose childhood friend “had a mysterious charm that attracted people around him. Even with that charm, Shin never resorted to violence.[...]he was just very earnest and kind” (same chapter). Without Black Dragon he’s nothing. Without Shinichiro he’s nothing. Because he never learnt to let go of Shinichiro‘s hand, nor did he wish to. But Shinichiro just.. let go one day. We know how Shinichiro is. If he was aware of how much he is needed by Takeomi, he would have done things differently. And while he shouldn’t be responsible for Takeomi’s well-being, he is the reason whether Takeomi’s self-esteem is stable (or a bit too much over the top) or not. Takeomi made him responsible for it, and Shinichiro surely would’ve helped if he figured it out, (because Takeomi is a stranger to himself and wouldn’t have ever asked for help (he doesn’t know he needs help after all)), but Shinichiro didn’t. The same way Mikey didn’t notice why Baji acted the way he did during Valhalla arc until it was too late. It’s not because they’re childhood friends that they read each other like an open book.

Shinichiro, while he never intended to and we can’t blame him for this either, is the reason Takeomi turned out like he did. Takeomi followed him everywhere, he wouldn’t have entered delinquency if Shinichiro didn’t. Takeomi tried so hard to climb to Shinichiro’s level and kept comparing himself to him and it got worse when he was appointed the role of vice-president. His ego skyrocketed. And even if Shinichiro had noticed it, would he have figured out how to change that ? For sure, if he knew how to help he’d have helped – then again, would Takeomi accept this help ? He’s a professional when it comes to denial, he pushes everyone away. And denial is what he does best. From denying he would be nothing without the other Black Dragon founding members and hiding behind his God of War persona, to denying his involvement in Senju and Sanzu’s life. Even if Shinichiro, Wakasa and Benkei did try to help, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, who refuses to believe there’s something wrong, and by doing so who refuses to talk about it. It’s all made to protect himself from the truth. Because the truth will hurt him, facing it will make him realize he’s not special and that will shatter his self-esteem. It will make him feel painful emotions he can’t deal with. So he runs away from it, and thus, dives deeper into misery. If you refuse to see the problem, then it will grow, and Takeomi’s problems, his mistakes, grow a lot. The world changes but he doesn’t, he keeps the same behaviors, and soon they turn against him. His fame turns into debts. Debts he can’t pay anymore, but he refuses to admit it. Because he would have been able to pay, if Black Dragon had remained. Takeomi likes to live in luxury (his dream is to be a multimillionaire), so he’d keep on denying the fact he can’t afford it anymore just to carry on living this way.

Maybe the reason him and Wakasa & Benkei aren’t close isn’t that they see him as ‘Shinichiro’s childhood friend we’re obligated to endure/tolerate even though he’s insufferable’ (when the BD founding members interact, Wakasa and Benkei always tease, laugh at Shinichiro, chapter 230, Benkei “Look at all your battle scars !” Shinichiro, “Quit it !” Wakasa, “A loser in both fights and love !” Shinichiro “Hey man, that's none of your business”; chapter 269: Benkei “You sure are dumb, Shinichiro !” Wakasa, “Haha. Well, that's shin-chan for ya.”) they’re never shown as friendly toward Takeomi) but more that, even if they did try, Takeomi, unconsciously, never let them know who he really was underneath it all. To be fair, Takeomi lied to himself so strongly he wasn’t aware he wasn’t this façade he had created. I’m not sure if Wakasa and Benkei succeeded in seeing through his lies, Takeomi himself surely didn’t. Shinichiro was left but whether it be the original timeline or not, he didn’t succeed to help Takeomi. Takeomi compares himself to others (him being an ordinary kid vs Shinichiro not being one), is sensitive to criticism and compliments alike (while he didn’t seem hurt when Kakucho uno-reversed him by asking him if he had forgotten about Shinichiro after Takeomi had asked him if he had forgotten about Izana, he did react, unlike Kakucho who remained unfazed; “Drunk in the praises of my name, I became arrogant”), seeks attention and validation, makes things about himself (“[...]He talks about the Brahman Senju created as if he created it. [...] I remember he used to brag about Shinichiro's achievements as if he himself had done them[...]”, Benkei’s ‘a day in his life’) and has troubles admitting his faults (even if he eventually apologizes in chapter 230 to Senju, he is fighting back tears while doing so). Those are all things inferiority and superiority complexes share (beside the low self-esteem). And while there are signs we can’t be 100% sure he has, reading about Takeomi echoes to those two complexes. First, inferiority complex. Feeling insecure, incomplete or unworthy → “not special at all”; “I was broke and powerless“; ”at the lowest of low. But they accepted me as I was”. Withdrawal → “I got news of Shin's death. But I was too busy in struggling for money.”, that ‘too busy with money’ (in good (“treated as a VIP [...] never got short on money” and in bad “my debts piling up”) seems like the perfect excuse to avoid your friends and family. All or nothing thinking, things are either good or bad → he’s either at the top of Japan and everything is doing great or he’s not and nothing’s working in his life. Insecurity in relationships → Benkei and Wakasa are his disliked/feared people because "they look down on me" (3rd guide book) (there is no proof of that but I’ll dig into that later). Feeling good when doing better than others → only felt at ease when he was the God of War. Finding fault in others, demeaning others as a way to transfer their feelings → will go back to it way later, but his relationship with Sanzu is basically that. Shutting down because of shame, guilt, embarrassment or an inward sense of defeat → once again, what he did after he started to be indebted.

For superiority complex there’s : hiding feelings of mediocrity and underlying or persistent low self-esteem or feelings of inferiority → hiding his “powerless”, “ordinary” and all behind his mask of second in command of Black Dragon and Brahman. High valuation of self-worth, a self-image of supremacy or authority, overarching belief that they are better than others → “the first generation Black Dragon once ruled the nation - with me as the vice captain. I was feared, since my decisions determined how any conflict would end. I was called the « God of War »” . Feelings of entitlements and boastful claims that aren’t backed up by reality → he brags about Senju and Shinichiro’s achievements, they aren’t his own (even though he must have some). Which goes with: need to be in control → he’s the one who’s in charge of making Brahman gain money (and he’s the one who decided of it, Senju is against his ways), Brahman listens to him when he says they’re attacking Rokuhara Tendai and not to Senju who tell them to stop, and is convinced Senju is only where she is thanks to him, Wakasa and Benkei being around and dealing with everything (chapter 229, Takeomi: “Senju got herself included in the ‘three deities’ only through first gen Black Dragon’s support. Senju can't take this fight alone !”).

There are also signs which I can’t find quotes or panels to say Takeomi has them but, knowing the character, it wouldn’t be surprising. These include : feelings of hostility, frustration, nervousness, or aggression (he does express those but given the context it's justifiable; he's impulsively decide to go against Rokuhara Tendai even though Senju tells him no because they aren't ready, Benkei says "It's no use, Takeomi has lost his cool". There's also his nicotine addiction which does not help). Highly competitive, perfectionist paired with an avoidance for any kind of competition where efforts might be compared with others’ ; don’t do something if there are risks one would fail (he dislikes efforts (3rd guide book), so that may mean he only does things when he’s sure of his own capacities and refuse to leave his comfort zone, he doesn’t participate/try if he’s not sure of succeeding). And : unwillingness to listen to others (if BD founding members tried to take his head out of the sand, it failed). Overcompensation to specific elements of life (perhaps linked to his childhood but we have no information about it). Mood swings, often made worse by contradiction from another person (→ him seemingly aloof, becoming mad very quickly at Sanzu when he or Senju do something wrong ? His whole reaction to Draken’s death; “I'm gonna destroy Rokuhara Tandai right now.[...] Assemble everyone in Brahman for an emergency meeting !!”, followed by South’s comment in chapter 225: “It's so rare to see Akashi getting all rowdy like this.” and Senju’s trying to calm him down (only making it worse). Takeomi’s interaction with Kakucho about Izana and Shinichiro in chapter 212 too maybe). Gets offended if there’s no positive feedback.

I will like to add that no official list of signs exist or if it does, I didn’t find it. But knowing how both of these complexes work, it was interesting to talk about it, in my opinion.

(By the way, Takeomi was listed number 1 worst at ‘who is needy when dating ?’ (whereas Sanzu and Wakasa were 1st and 2nd best). Except that in Takeomi’s case the reason he’s not needy is because he's straight-up avoidant which isn't better. As opposed to Senju and Draken (2nd and 3rd worst) who seem non-needy in a healthy way.)

Takeomi wants to stand at the top, Shinichiro knows how to go up there, so he just has to tag along, easy-peasy. But like for a jungle gym, you have to get down one day. Did Shinichiro want to become Japan's number 1 ? I’m not that sure. It may have been a goal, but not the main one. What he liked most was the journey, not the destination, if it was then he wouldn’t have disbanded Black Dragon. But Takeomi wants to go on top of the jungle gym. Takeomi wants to be Japan number 1. Forever. Takeomi wants to learn how you get up there and how to stay/keep standing still.

That’s one of the most tragic point with Takeomi in my opinion. He was the brain of Black Dragon, he was the brain of Braham (it may have been an excuse but Senju recruited him for his guidance, his wisdom), and he was, supposedly as Mikey’s advisor, the brain of Bonten. He knows how to get on top of Japan. He knows how to become influential, how to make money (Brahman’s B-1 fighting club), how to recruit people and make them stay, he knows which decision to take to assure victory or defeat.

He’s smart, insanely. And he. doesn’t. see. it. If he did, he could have managed to live without the gang.

For Takeomi, it’s not that he becomes number 1, it’s that there’s a number 1 by his side and he knows how to follow them (his special skill is ‘taking advantage of others’ (3rd guide book)). He is aware he was the lead actor as to why victory or defeat were but – Takeomi isn’t a fighter. Wakasa and Benkei are. Shinichiro sucked at it but he was still insanely strong.

Takeomi doesn’t fight and that’s not his role. He likely knows how to pull out punches and other fight moves but as a ‘God Of War’ he’s mainly a strategist. He takes decisions, Shin agrees or not (and Shin is the one who has the last say), Wakasa and Benkei, and the rest of the gang, apply. (chapter 224, Benkei answering “yes, sir” to one of Takeomi’s command (even though Senju is clearly against it))

However, he’s not the one who brought them together. All of what he has. It’s thanks to Shinichiro. Wouldn’t be number 1 without him. Wouldn’t be friends with Wakasa and Benkei without him. Takeomi lives on what Shinichiro gave him. Him, an average, good-for-nothing kid. And when it’s time to say farewell to all of that – he doesn’t.

Shinichiro has his own shop. Wakasa and Benkei have their own gym.

Takeomi stays as if he was still on top. As if he wasn’t already falling, as if the impact on the ground wouldn’t damage him. As if Shinichiro, who decided climbing the jungle gym wasn’t fun anymore, didn’t stop stabilizing him.

He lives in denial. And it works at the beginning. People still think of them as number 1 so it’s not too hard. But then they realize they aren’t. But Takeomi is an average kid. In everything. He’s only good at what Shinichiro designed him as. And he didn’t think he'd be good at it. He isn’t good at anything else. He can’t do anything else. So it goes on.

The debts pill up.

Shinichiro dies.

And ? And repeat. Without the debts, this time.

Senju, joyous, cheerful, strong-willed Senju, asks him to join her gang. As her second in command. Even though he is “broke and powerless”. “At the lowest of low” (chapter 230). Even though Wakasa and Benkei are right there.

(Shinichiro asked him to be his vice captain. Even though Takeomi was average, good at nothing but following his childhood friend around. Even though Shinichiro had become friends with Wakasa and Benkei who were in this world since way longer.)

And so Brahman is created.

Their prestige comes back. They remember mannerisms days after days, they remember how you do it. Brahmam grows. They have hundreds of members, they make a lot of money with deals and underground fights. Whereas Wakasa and Benkei moved on (or, way more than Takeomi did), Takeomi didn’t and it shows even in their Brahman uniforms. If you look closely, they don’t have the same patterns on their sleeves – Wakasa and Benkei both got flowers, although different from the other’s (same thing for Senju) but Takeomi has a dragon. (Average Brahman members have the same thing they have on the back of their uniforms)

Draken dies. Draken dies. He shouts it – It’s not a childish brawl (chapter 224). I find it hard to believe that during Black Dragon 1st Gen, they never lost anyone, but Draken’s death snaps him back to reality. It isn’t like it was with Shinichiro. There’s no fun. It’s war. Standing at the top isn’t like standing on a jungle gym. Draken is dead and so is Shinichiro. Why isn’t he ? (chapter 225, Takeomi: “Souuuuuuuth !! Why did you kill Draken !? He wasn't even a formal member of Brahman ! If you wanted to kill someone it should've been me !”)

Either Draken dies, or Senju does.

For what else would have Takeomi joined Bonten ? Actually, let me change that question ; where is and what does Senju do in Bad Toman and Manila timelines ?

Because Mikey goes down a dark path in all the timelines so, did she try to stop him ? If yes, is she dead ? The three deities battle might or not have happened (South wouldn’t have the same members if that’s the case – Tenjiku never came to be in Bad Toman and Izana is alive in Manila). And… And if that’s the case or not – why are Wakasa, Benkei and Takeomi nowhere to be seen ?

Wakasa and Benkei work in a way that opposes Takeomi. Not only with how they dealt with Black Dragon disbandment but how they dealt with Senju’s death. No matter how it happened, Takeomi joins Mikey after his sister’s death (Bonten), Wakasa and Benkei join Kanto Manji when Senju doesn’t (nowhere to be seen in Bonten).

Difference being, if Senju dies, Wakasa can’t witness Mikey’s dark impulses and can’t talk to him about it. And even if he witnessed it, if Senju is dead, would Wakasa care ? Wakasa must know there’s nothing against the dark impulses so why join Kanto Manji ? They love Senju, their princess, do they want to keep her safe ? Surely. Why take this option then?

It's never stated. So it's interpretation/theory time.

Wakasa would choose Shinichiro over Mikey. In chapter 270, he says "Honeslty speaking, I'm glad that Manjiro has passed. I was worried that you'd be first to die [...] Right now, you're just rotting away", now, Wakasa from the original timeline and from canon-timeline aren't the same. Original timeline Wakasa had the time to accept Shinichiro had lost his brother (and Mikey could perhaps regain consciousness one day, but the more day passes, the more the chances lower), but he couldn't see his friend rot away. His previously bright and charismatic friend was being devoured by sleep deprivation, helplessness and so much more. Hence, if Mikey dying would free Shinichiro from his suffering (although it would also add to it, he wouldn't have to work himself to the bone to take care of Mikey, and would finally have time to process all of what happened to him) then Wakasa is okay with it. Shinichiro is important to him, more than Mikey could ever be.

Wakasa, is the only person Shinichiro talked to about the original timeline. Out of the two people knowing about it, Wakasa is the one Shinichiro went to to tell him about it (Sanzu is the other and he came to Shinichiro asking about it). We don't know if Shinichiro planned to tell more people, and if yes, Wakasa was on the top of his list. Thus, this means Wakasa had heard Shinichiro telling him he killed a man and then himself. Because Mikey died. So that Mikey won't die. And he probably was murdered because of it later on too, because Shinichiro told him the homeless man's last words – because Shinichiro told him everything with every details.

So, when Wakasa finally sees Mikey again, sees the level of destruction he causes, sees that he kills like it's nothing, like he's enjoying it, this boy his friend killed for to keep alive... Well, Wakasa, dragging Benkei along, joined Kanto Manji to keep Mikey alive — because that's what Shinichiro sacrificed himself for, so, so many times. He can only stay near Mikey and try to not have him killed when they're in a world where being murdered is common. Mikey is strong, but he won't ever survive a bullet shot in the wrong place.

For Takeomi though, when he joins Bonten, his sister is dead. After his best friend. He failed the two people who meant the most to him and who appointed him as their second in command because they trusted him. He let them die. It’s not a child game anymore. South signed his death warrant.

And Takeomi hasn’t seen Mikey or Sanzu in years. (They’re the only ones left, he can’t leave them alone. He can’t stay alone.)

That’s the first theory. Second is, he crashes, he and Mikey end up meeting again, he gives him the role as his advisor. Rinse, repeat. The circle continues ; Bonten is at the top of Japan. Mikey is at the top of Japan – and that, even without Kisaki. 

Even without Kisaki.

Is Takeomi on the same level as Kisaki ? I don’t know. Kisaki is the moon to Mikey’s sun. But what was Takeomi to Shinichiro ? Perhaps his rain. And I'll keep going with the ‘perhaps’, because we’re never shown what Takeomi is to Shinichiro, beside a friend. Every meaningful interaction they have is from Takeomi’s POV. In Shinichiro’s chapters, Takeomi is briefly mentioned once when Sanzu gets out of the juvenile center, then when Shinichiro time leaps, he is too focused on Mikey to give (me) us any useful interaction/thought about Takeomi. There’s only one case, “Takeomi…” in chapter 273 but without that ? The start of chapter 269 is shallow. It gives us information on Shinichiro’s relationship with Mikey and Takeomi’s own relationship with his siblings (“I'm like his father figure at this point. Its best from him to learn from his peers” /"What kind of parent would let their kids learn from gang rides ?”) and also a quick information on Black Dragon founding members but that information is basically ‘they’re good friends :)’.

Anyway, Shinichiro nicknamed Takeomi ‘Rain Bringer’. So what does rain symbolize in Japan and does it somewhat fit Takeomi ? Rain is strongly linked to death and rebirth (as water usually is in Japan), to becoming something, someone else. This makes a nice little link with his siblings as Senju’s flowers are sakura (and so is her image color, pink sakura) which also symbolize the cycle of death and rebirth, the fleeting nature of life, how short if is, but also renewal and optimism, and Sanzu got his name from Sanzu no kawa, the three-crossing river, who is a river souls have to cross to get to the afterlife and/or to resurrect.

Takeomi’s other nickname, which wasn’t given by Shinichiro, is God of war. Japan has two gods of war, either Hachiman from shintoism, or Bishamonten from buddhism (since it’s Japan we’re talking about, those two got mixed up a bit but). Hachiman is a god of war and agriculture and was said to determine a samurai’s fate in battle (chapter 230 : “[...] my decisions determined how any conflict would end”). Bishamonten is a god of war and warriors, a punisher of evildoers and the ruler of rain. Bishamonten also carries a chatra (a kind of umbrella that symbolizes kingship, sovereignty).

This, while it gives more tracks to analyze Takeomi, doesn’t answer the question ‘What was Takeomi to Shinichiro’. So, if the story refuses to give us the answer, we have to find some parallels with other characters and see if they fit.

Shinichiro’s...

...Baji

That’s right ! Baji and Takeomi share the same role. For this topic, Sanzu (and Senju) is the anomaly between him, Baji and Mikey.(and although we could say Sanzu is Baji’s parallel, he’s mostly Kakucho’s.)

Let’s start with why Wakui decided to depict them that way.

For Mikey and Baji, it was mostly there to show how long they’ve known each other. Mikey had said they were childhood friends but that doesn’t give us a time indication as to when they met. Then, there is the ‘Baji is behind’ aspect. It isn’t a problem between them, that Baji never wins against Mikey, no matter the years. Baji is just after Mikey and can’t reach the top yet.

For Shinichiro and Takeomi, it’s the same. ‘They’ve known each other for how long?’ ‘Probably since then’. Takeomi is behind Shinichiro who is standing at the top. Takeomi wants to do so too, and Shinichiro helps him to. Takeomi can’t stand here unless Shinichiro holds him still.

Shinichiro doesn’t enjoy being Japan’s number 1 - standing at the top. He became a delinquent to form relationships, to have fun, to deal with his father’s death and his mother’s stay in the hospital. He wasn’t against becoming the strongest but it wasn’t his goal (chapter 142, Shinichiro, in a quick Inui’s flashback: “Is winning really that important ?”). After all, if there’s nobody above you, the only people left are below, and Shinichiro says it, it’s only bullying and that’s meaningless (chapter 230, “Now that there's no one better than us, at this point it's just gonna be bullying the people weaker than us, wouldn't it ?”)

However, the childhood friend dying changes. For Mikey and Baji, the one climbing dies ; for Shinichiro and Takeomi, the one at the top does. How can we interpret this ? We already did for Takeomi – that means the one climbing falls. But for the one already on top ? The person who (tried to) followed him there died on the way. He’s still on top, but now he’s alone. Mikey is never alone, but after Shinichiro, Baji’s death is one of the last indispensable nail on his coffin. A nail aggravating his isolation and loneliness.

Personality wise, Baji and Takeomi are awfully different. Takeomi is awfully different to all characters – he is one of the most flawed and most fans don’t find him any redeeming quality.

Baji does share one of Takeomi’s characteristics, and that’s what (ironically) led to Shinichiro’s death. As Kazutora says in chapter 44 while stealing the bike: “You might complain but you always go along with whatever I'm doing”, Baji follows people. He can do well on his own (Valhalla), but if it wasn’t for his stubbornness in pursuing Mikey around (chapter 39, Mikey: “We lived in the same neighborhood. It’s not like we got along that well. He was always picking fights with me”), they wouldn’t have become childhood friends. They are also younger than their childhood friends (Sanzu and Shinichiro are the oldest).

Baji is Shinichiro in one aspect though: he is the one to have created Toman and to have assigned every founding member their role in the gang. (Baji does it in a flashback of chapter 63, Shinichiro gave Takeomi his position as vice-captain so it won’t surprise me if he gave Wakasa and Benkei their). They both also challenge people stronger than them. (Shinichiro on a daily basis “He'd challenge guys way stronger than him to fights”, Baji with Mikey “He was always picking fights with me. And I handed him his ass every time.”).

If there are parallels between Shinichiro and Baji – are there parallels between Takeomi and Mikey ? The answer is yes. They both don’t know what to do after Shinichiro’s death (and Mikey is even more lost after Baji’s), so much that if you push them in the wrong path, they end up as the number 1 criminal organization of their country (Kisaki for Mikey (Bad toman, Manila) helped to speedrun the process — as we see with Bonten, Mikey’s circle in Bonten (Sanzu “There they are ! The dark impulses ! I've been waiting for this” Haruchiyo) helped too. And the one thing to do to get Takeomi back in his prime is to restore his self-confidence (Bonten, and what he was close to do with Brahman)), they both cope with their emotions the same way as well, ‘I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day, I’ll die’ as one may say. They hide between smiles or blank faces. Little things matter as well, so.. chapter 123, Mikey “I wanna stand out” - they both do (even if Mikey is about 4 in this chapter).

...Kisaki

the fact takeomi is both baji and kisaki is hilarious pls. Those two hated each other so much. Well i wont be surprised if Wakui made it official that Takeomi hates himself

Yeah you read that right. Takeomi is Shinichiro’s Kisaki to the same extent he is Shinichiro’s Baji. Like with Baji, he fills Kisaki’s role while dealing with it differently – they don’t have the same personality so it’s not that surprising.

They’re both the gang’s ‘brain’. Whereas Takeomi was given the position, Kisaki approached Mikey with this exact idea in mind. Kisaki wanted to make Tenjiku Toman (chapter 126, “I'm going to make my own Toman”), and Takeomi was about to transform Brahman into (a much darker) Black Dragon (Chapter 219, Senju: “Brahman’s gotten bigger.. and Takeomi has changed. Now, instead of making brahman ‘stronger’ he thinks that making it ‘bigger’ is more important”  → all the more people to praise him). Both had the same goal too (to become number 1), and end up being criticized for it because of their way to attain it by Mikey (“in order to make Toman bigger I've ignored your underhanded methods until now. But that ends here [...] Your arbitrary decisions will screw up my dream”) and Senju ("I get that not all the jobs we take will be clean. However, thinking about dirtying Brahman for trash like that pisses me off”) when those two asked them are the one who asked them to guide them (chapter 265, Mikey: “there has been ‘something’ dark inside my heart. Sometimes that ‘something’ expands and drives me to destroy absolutely everything. Kisaki… I want you to stay by my side with that part of me. I want you to guide me, Kisaki” (and worse, when Kisaki asked him if he’s sure, even if Kisaki doesn’t guide him the way he wants, Mikey answered “yeah, I don’t care.” But then, it was before Takemichi waltzed in his life); chapter 230, Senju: “I want someone who I can trust ! Someone who can give some guidance to the team ! Will you fill that role, big bro ?”). They had different reasons, for sure, Kisaki wanted Hinata’s love, Takeomi wanted (to keep) that idolizing love other people had for him, but those different reasons have the same roots.

They never grew up from their child-mindset.

Kisaki kept that childish logic of ‘Hinata loves Takemichi. Takemichi wants to be Japan's number 1 delinquent. Hinata loves Japan's number 1 delinquent. If I’m Japan's number 1 delinquent, Hinata will love me.’ (and he wanted Hinata’s love because she was the only one interacting with him and being nice to him, she said “He’s a good kid” when everyone else doesn’t, even back in elementary school where he is described as “creepy”) and Takeomi kept that childhood wish of being important, needed, validated.

Now, they turned out differently because of a very essential point :

Chapter 182, first chapter of Kisaki’s flashback : “When I was in elementary school, they called me a child prodigy.”

Chapter 230, Takeomi’s chapter : “Whether it be in sports, or studies, I was just average. I was but a normal child, not special at all.”

Kisaki was made aware from an early age that he was smart. He is as arrogant as much his intelligence allows him to be (sure, it’s insufferable, but he is as smart as he says). He is well-assured of his capacities and is the one to make his life decisions, he is very independent from Mikey or anyone else. Kisaki has an actual self-esteem. He doesn’t under or overestimate himself. He knows what he does, he knows he is the one doing so. Takeomi is the opposite. He’s too arrogant, doesn’t know in what he is smart, but the others say so, so he must be, he makes his decisions while looking at Shinichiro – he got there thanks to Shinichiro. And Kisaki got there thanks to Takemichi, although in another way. Kisaki also followed Takemichi around. By stalking him, but still. And unlike Takeomi, Kisaki is very conscious of it when he lies, it is but another strategy to manipulate people.

Kisaki is Takeomi if people had noticed and talked about his capacities in his childhood. Takeomi is what Kisaki could’ve been if people never praised him, if he never finished number one at any national mock exam and if he became childhood friends with Takemichi (instead of stalking him).

Both of them corrupted Toman and Brahman (and Black Dragon if Shinichiro hadn’t been Shinichiro). “Brahman is closer to a group of adult gangsters than they are a motorcycle gang. Some nasty rumors follow them, too.” (chapter 215, Inui); “Money is power. How valuable do you think your ‘strength’ is !?” (chapter 229, Takeomi); but are also the reason why they became huge organizations. They are the reasons why Brahman (almost) and Toman fell into criminal organizations (although Toman would’ve anyway).

They also both first got into a gang when they were 13. (Black Dragon was created the 22nd February 1995 – Takeomi was born the 10th march 1981 (the year after Shinichiro’s own birth btw, Shinichiro who is the oldest Black Dragon founding member), so he was about to turn 14 BUT HE WASN'T, and in 2005 Kisaki is 13 since he was born the 20th january 1992 (two years younger than Mikey, one year younger than Takemichi))

...Draken.

Shinichiro and Mikey both have their “This is the breeze of a new era !”(chapter 230)/”I’m gonna seize this world” (chapter 223) speech that only Takeomi/Draken could hear ; and they’re both vice-captain/second in command.

When Black Dragon gets officially disbanded (their final garthering), Wakasa and Benkei shed a tear or two, Shinichiro being the crybaby he is, has a lot of tears running down his face, and Takeomi… too. Takeomi is the only one with his eyes close. He grins his teeth. He can’t accept this reality, can’t look at it. Even if Shinichiro talked about it with him beforehand. And… it’s the same with Draken. Not that Mikey informed him before saying Toman was over (and they didn’t have a second generation to lend the name too, as opposed to Black Dragon), but with how he reacted. On paper, he said he agreed with it (even after his “What ? What’re you goin’ on all of a sudden ?” in chapter 189 which is the same as Takeomi’s “Disband !? But why !? I mean, we just became Japan's number one !” in chapter 230, and Mikey also disbanded Toman after becoming Japan’s number 1), that since it was Mikey’s choice, he had “no objection to the leader's decision” (chapter 189), but in reality, not only do we learn it’s not true when they dug up the time capsule (chapter 198, Draken reading his letter : “I’m at a crossroads in my life right now. Toman disbanded. […] I actually regret it. Toman is everything to me. Im sure everyone in toman felt that way ? I’m worried… I cried”), but he also joins Brahman. There was nothing prior to that revelation pointing at it. In Bonten he has his shop, he says “I’m retired” and “I left everything i had back in Tokyo Manji” to South (chapter 211) in his letter he wrote “So, I'm leaving all of my regrets in here” and that’s what teenager Draken tried to do. But he joined Brahman instead. And we learn why after, when he says in a flashback to Mitsuya (chapter 238) : “Have you grown accustomed to living life without Toman ? Because I can't seem to move on from it. That’s why I think i’m gonna go back to the life of deliquent. I’ll continue following Mikey [...]”. Draken couldn’t leave Toman, his whole life behind. Then why did he in Bonten ? Because Senju died. Not only must it have affected him, but it affected Takeomi, Wakasa and Benkei. And, yes, we can say Senju died in Bonten regardless of the fact it’s never said. Why ? Bonten is a memorial for Izana, its symbol, its members’ tattoo come from Izana’s earrings and the (天) ten of Bonten 梵天 from Tenjiku 天竺, the (梵) bon of Bonten 梵天 comes from Brahman 梵. The executives, advisor, second and third in command, are either former Tenjiku member or Senju’s brother (or both for Sanzu but again, can we really say he was a Tenjiku member when it’s clear he was acting as a spy on Mikey’s unaware behalf..) - and its leader had a deep relationship with those two as well. There’s no need for Senju to have the same role as Izana in Bonten if she’s not dead. So, Senju’s death is the answer as to why Draken utterly left Toman (and Mikey) behind in Bonten timeline (he loves Mikey very much but he can't lose any more loved ones). But Draken’s wish to get back to Mikey until then, his refusal to abandon Toman, was what led him and Takeomi to understand each other. That’s what led to Takeomi recruiting Draken (because he must have been the one to come up with the idea, like he is the one to have thought about recruiting Takemichi). That’s what leads Takeomi to get this angry at his death. Not only is Takeomi is partially responsible for it, Draken is essential to bring back Mikey, and Takeomi is not. And so, “If you wanted to kill someone it should've been me !” (chapter 225). And also why he becomes even more angry when Mikey arrives (“Fuck off, Kanto gang ! You guys abandoned Draken !”). Takeomi takes his role as Senju’s second in command very seriously, she asked him to guide the team and he accepted, he swore to give his all for them (chapter 230). He is the one telling her to keep cool and not being driven by her emotions (chapter 218), which is ironic because he’s the one to act before thinking after Draken’s death whereas Senju tries to calm him down (and fails).

Kanto being “a three-way state of equilibrium between these three teams and has entered the three deities era” (Yamagishi, chapter 208) was not an innocent choice when it is also revealed in chapter 226 by Senju that “Benkei and Waka. Before the first generation of Black Dragon happened, these two divided the Kanto region. Kanto used to be divided into two parts”. South takes the role of Benkei, and Senju, who created Brahman for the only purpose of stopping Mikey the same way Kodo Rengo was formed to stop Ragnarok’s expansion, takes the role of Wakasa. This is also backed up by their fighting style and body type. Mikey takes Shinichiro’s role, but whereas Shinichiro ‘defeated’ Wakasa and Benkei and became their friends and leader which lead to them ruling over the region, Mikey crushed South/Rokuhara Tandai and made Senju disband Brahman, for the same result (Takemichi could’ve taken on Shinichiro’s role but the power of friendship can’t do everything). And Draken is in Takeomi’s role. Not Sanzu. (because Sanzu doesn’t care about Toman while Draken just wants it back.). Furthermore, I like the fact South, in the final timeline, “is a heavyweight champion of foreign martial arts. When he visits Japan, he hangs out at the Gojo gym” because not only does South finally have friends (like Senju, he is friendless in canon-timeline) but because Benkei’s dream is “to produce a MMA champion from Gojo gym”, which while not being exactly the same thing is still close enough for me.

A difference between them worth mentioning is that while Draken is the oldest of Toman founding members, Takeomi is the youngest of Black Dragon founding members.

(+ Inui, Kokonoi:

The other character introduced as refusing the end of Black Dragon is Inui. He's a character who is developed alongside Kokonoi who can't accept Akane's death.

But whereas Takeomi seemingly doesn't do anything by himself to get out of his vicious circle and debts, Inui actively tries to keep Black Dragon alive. He even takes Shinichiro’s shop as his hideout (with Kokonoi), although it has been abandoned. Nobody else came to keep that place alive – it reminds them of a too painful reality. And it could've with Inui too, but Inui has only good memories of this place (chapter 143, Inui: “All those senpai who’d stop by were so dazzling and awesome. [...] I heard so many stories in this bike shop from our senpai. They all had so much fun talking about their old leader [...] Even as an adult, he could still laugh about the dumb stuff he did years ago together with his friends.”). Not to say the others don’t; but Inui is able to see pass the pain of this happiness unable to come back.

Inui is the first out of the three to let it go. He finds Takemichi and realizes that.. maybe he could live without Black Dragon. It takes a bit but Bonten Inui has let it go completely, unlike Kokonoi and Takeomi, both going deeper and deeper into criminality ; both still running away from reality, refusing to look back and see what they loved isn't there anymore.

Inui heals in Bonten. He doesn't in Bad Toman, where he's with Hakkai who became BD 11th leader. He doesn't in Manila, where Izana who was the 8th BD leader and the first leader Inui worked under comes back. Always running after BD shadow. Manila Inui met Takemichi, but Manila Inui wasn't separated from Kokonoi, not for years, not for more than a decade, since Tenjiku merged with Toman. They probably didn't have their 'Akane is dead, I'm Seishu!' talk, and if they did, it clearly didn't change anything.

We don't know how Inuis family life is. We know his parents couldn't pay for his sister's surgery and she ended up dying. We know he had had to witness his best friend lose himself in the prospect to make money. We know somewhen, he met Shinichiro. Spent time with him at his shop. Perhaps to stay away from home ? Home who burnt him? Home who took away his sister ? Meeting Shinichiro did a lot to him accepting his sister's death, surely. A bit of positivity in his life. But nobody was there for him when Shinichiro himself died. When Izana disappeared nobody knew where and the Haitani Brothers left Black Dragon when it became to hard to deal with, leading it to fade away (chapter 105, Kokonoi: “They ended up in a tough spot when the Haitani brothers of Roppongi came to power… So they ditched the gang, and disappeared.”).

Inui learnt about it after getting out of juvie. He went to juvie for Black Dragon. For Izana. This can't be the end of it. So he makes Taiju the 10th leader. He's not loyal to him because he's Taiju, he's loyal to him because it's the Black Dragon leader (chapter 143, Inui: “That good old Black Dragon I used to know was no more. I panicked when Black Dragon died for a while. That’s when I sought help from Shiba Taiju.”). But the Christmas Showdown happens, and Inui witnesses the force of nature that is Takemichi Hanagaki. And he's like Shinichiro was.

He leaves Black Dragon behind when he puts on Toman uniform for the first time. Black Dragon won't ever leave him, but he can let it go and cherish the memories he has. He didn't get to be in Black Dragon when he wanted to (chapter 143, Inui: “I’ve always admired such a team. That’s why I joined Blakc Dragon. But by the time I joined Black Dragon it was the eightth generation. It was shit.”) and that changed him (as being in a gang changed Takeomi) (chapter 143: ”During the eighth and ninth generations.. our gang did extortion, robbed people, sold drugs, all sorts of heinoius stuff. There was no trace left of the gang’s original intentions. And before i knew it, the gang’s evil had an influence on me. I landed myself in juvie.”), but he can maybe experience a similar thing with Takemichi, or maybe it'll be completely different. It's okay, he has turned the page. Now, he has to bring back Kokonoi and make him turn the page as well. Except Inui had a slow and nice 'turn the page', while Kokonoi won't.

Kokonoi needs more time, Kokonoi can't let Akane go just yet, even if Inui yells at him to stop acting as if he was seeing his sister instead of himself. Inui practically slaps him up. He has failed during Tenjiku, but this failure planted a seed in Kokonoi's mind which finally bloomed during the battle with Kanto Manji. It's a more abrupt realization than Inui got, but it doesn't hurt him. Akane tells him to let go, that she's glad he did all of that for her but that he doesn't need to continue – she's dead. Seishu is not. And even if that's meaningless, even if he knows he's, they're, going to lose, he goes help Inui against Wakasa and Benkei.

Takeomi's realization of having done something wrong falls upon him all at once. A part of it. His realization concerning Brahman, about Senju and Sanzu is there ("I've failed Brahman principles"(chapter 230)/"But me going crazy and Haruchiyo going astray[...]"(chapter 241) and it hurt him. Acknowledging his mistakes to himself and to others, to Senju, made him cry.)

But where is his realization about Black Dragon and Shinichiro ?)

But not Shinichiro’s Takemichi.

Takeomi isn’t Shinichiro’s Takemichi because for starters, Takemichi is Shinichiro as it is constantly repeated throughout the story.

Takemichi changed Mikey’s life (if it wasn’t for him, he would’ve kept listening to Kisaki, kept thinking he only needed darkness, he would’ve killed Kazutora (chapter 265)). Takeomi didn’t change much Shinichiro’s. Not the same way Takemichi did at least. Mikey, like Takeomi, needed someone to guide him, to follow around, whether this person was Takemichi or Kisaki depends entirely on the timeline’s events. Shinichiro could guide himself, he didn’t need somebody to show him the way. So what ? Why does it matter? It matters because all the friendships in this story have an impact on the characters it concerns. Whether it be the Twin Dragons, Izana and Kakucho, Inui and Kokonoi, Mikey is changed by Pah (going to jail), Kazutora (Shinichiro’s death), Baji (him siding with Kazutora and his own death), Draken (“Draken is Mikey’s heart. He compensates for what he’s lacking”) (not Mitsuya though. Which is very sad. I want a concrete example of how Mìtsuya impacted Mikey's life!!)… And the Black Dragon are out of this rule. Especially Shinichiro. Takeomi, Wakasa and Benkei all changed because of him (in good for Wakasa & Benkei, in what could’ve been good but ended up bad for Takeomi) but the other way around isn’t shown to be true. Wakasa & Benkei became friends, really good friends since they own a gym together in several timelines, and Takeomi got something to fill his lack of self-esteem which then got taken away from him without him having learnt how to cope with it in the meantime.

And Wakasa & Benkei aren’t supposed to have a gym in canon-timeline. Wakasa is a gang leader in the original timeline – supposedly he only changed vocation because Shinichiro told him about the original timeline and he decided not to go down that path. But then, when did Shinichiro had the time, during his time in the past, to tell Wakasa about his time leap ? He barely stayed one day. So did Wakasa, in the original timeline, came back to the illegal world so he can produce/obtain money and help Shinichiro out ? We don’t know what Benkei does in the original timeline, but I’d find it hard to believe he’s not with Wakasa. As for Takeomi, his situation is most likely the same, he’s in debt (which would explain that brief “Takeomi…” from chapter 272 from Shinichiro before he has to focus on the date, and very much alive Mikey). Or, if we want to look at another option, since Shinichiro got into “shaddy stuffs” (as he says in chapter 270), they could’ve followed and got back into delinquency. If they did it fast enough, Takeomi probably didn't get to the point of having debts. If you add the “Join my gang, Shin. With you we'd be the top gang in the world” of Wakasa (same chapter)  to any of this option, and the lack of negative response from Shinichiro you end up with one terrifying timeline where Shinichiro could have become, actually, a bad guy (or kill himself anyway).

What did all three of them do to make Shinichiro grow, positively or not ? Nothing (concrete that is, his admired/respected people are ‘’the Black Dragon First Generation Members‘’). Shinichiro’s entire personality, and that’s one of the only if not the only character, is centered exclusively around his family, mostly but not only, Mikey. He is changed by his father’s death and his mother’s hospitalization and starts to be a delinquent, he is changed by Mikey’s accident, by Emma running away, by his grandfather dying, by Mikey’s death and is so broken he is ready to believe in time travel, maybe was he also changed by Izana’s reaction when he discovered they weren’t blood-related. Only Wakasa is here in his flashback. No Benkei, only a mention of Takeomi. That’s not right. They’re his friends, why aren’t they here ? Why do we have so little information ?

Shinichiro stays the same until Mikey has his accident. He isn’t shaped by anybody else, not even his childhood friend whom he has known for more than a decade.

Shinichiro didn’t need guidance like Mikey did, but he didn’t need to stagnate either.

– which beg the question : Why did Wakui decide to put the exact same kanji, pronounced the exact same way in both Takeomi (武臣) and Takemichi (武道)’s name ? As a writer, making this decision means something (most of the time), alas, i didn’t find what. (Takemichi like Takeomi has self-esteem problems at the beginning of the story because he got beaten up as an middle school student by Kiyomasa but other than that..)

What I did find was Wakasa, Benkei and Takeomi pages in the third guide book. There’s still not much about Shinichiro (he is listed as all three’s admired/respected person), but there’s a bit more about their relationship with Takeomi. First, the one thing that actually surprised me : Wakasa and Benkei are listed as Takeomi’s disliked/feared people. Then, Wakui was kind to explain since it’s followed by “(They look down on me )”. Now, to see if it’s true or not (if they do think that, or if it’s just Takeomi (who must be such an unreliable narrator)) we have to take a look at Wakasa and Benkei’s own page.

Takeomi is only mentioned once for Wakasa, in his ‘a day in his life’ :

“I had a one-week holiday, so I went on a quick trolling trip to Okinawa. I wanted to enjoy fishing alone, but Takeomi and Benkei came along. The aim was yellowfin tuna. Takeomi got tired of not being able to catch anything after 3 hours on the boat and said he wanted to go home, while Benkei was seasick and exhausted. I knew I shouldn't have brought them along.”

We learnt that Takeomi isn’t that patient (to be fair, fishing isn’t something he likes to do, unlike Wakasa) but not that much is said about how Wakasa really thinks about him and him alone. He is irritated by both of his friends, who ruined his holiday, equally. You can’t say if he looks down on Takeomi or not.

For Benkei, Takeomi is also mentioned once and it’s in his ‘a day in his life’ as well :

“The gym is closed today. Takeomi persistently invited me out for a drink. I usually don't go, but we went to an izakaya together. His drinking is long. At first its fun, but as we get deeper into it, he starts to brag. He talks about the Brahman Senju created as if he created it. He has always been like that. I remember he used to brag about Shinichiro's achievements as if he himself had done them. Shinichiro liked him, including such a bad part of him.”

It gives more than Wakasa’s did. First, Takeomi, although he dislikes/fears them, still tags along with both of them when he can. Second, not that much of a news, Takeomi brags and takes on Senju’s achievements, the same way he took on Shinichiro’s. Third, Shinichiro was aware of it and didn’t stop him ?

While we can say Benkei is probably irritated by it, like for Wakasa we can’t say he looks down on Takeomi.

It pains me that there’s not much interaction between them. You can say Wakasa and Benkei are friends – but do they consider Takeomi a friend ? I don’t think he’s still labeled ‘Shinichiro’s friend’ in their mind, but – especially with Takeomi’s fall – they aren’t close, have they ever been. They don’t have that kind of relationship like Toman’s founding members have for example. Perhaps they did once.

Takeomi’s page, in my opinion at least, is the one that gives the more information on the character it‘s about. He likes Akechi Mitsuhide because he has the same birthday as him (sure why not – Akechi Mitsuhide, to make it very short, a general in the Heian period who attempted to become Shogun, and whose reign as Shogun lasted thirteen days), he dislikes making efforts (makes sense, he makes others’ achievements his own, which also leads to:), his special talent is taking advantages of people, and his dream is to be a multimillionaire (he is also ranked number 1 best to ‘Who has a way with words ?’).

Except confirming what I was already thinking, it still doesn’t offer much (but i’m so glad it has been explecitely written). But his failure story, that’s, well, another story.

And all of that offers a great transition, but let me change the topic first –

Family - the first thing you learn to run away from

(You were probably waiting for it from the start, sorry it took so long for me to talk about it !)

Takeomi’s failure story goes like this :

“I was their father figure. My father was busy because we are a motherless family. I was strict with Haruchiyo because he’s a man. He cut my face with a knife one day and left the house. He’s a hell of a fucking brother. I vowed that one day I would let Senju punish him.”

Sanzu gave him the scar.

Worse, looking at the timeline, Takeomi doesn’t have the scar when Black Dragon is founded (in February 1995 Sanzu would have been 4 so, not that surprising) but he gained it along the way, before Black Dragon disbandment (in late spring, early summer 1999, so Sanzu was either 8 or 9 (Takeomi was 18 – they have a 9 years gap)). That’s… young. What could have pushed Sanzu to do this ? Did Takeomi really do such a poor job raising him, Sanzu decided that attacking him was the only way out or something like that ? Sanzu, who says to Senju, “I wish I knew how to talk back to big bro like how Mikey and Baji do…” (chapter 241), cut his brother’s face with a knife before the age of nine? (he was nine when he said that, so perhaps he did stand up for himself before but then he gradually stopped (or all at once, it depends on how Takeomi reacted to being cut i suppose.)).

This leads to a question : did any outsider of their family know about it ? Sanzu probably wasn’t running around yelling about what he did, but did Takeomi complain (to Shinichiro) or did he keep his mouth shut about how his scar came to be. Both ? Complained about how hard it is to raise Sanzu (who ran away after what he did) while saying his new scar is from a fight he has gotten into ?(of course he didn’t get his scar from a 4-9 years old. Who do you take him for, he wouldn't let anyone, let alone a child, scar him like that.) Since we know Sanzu doesn’t go home when he’s in Toman (chapter 206, Muto : “What's with that look in your eye ? You don't have anywhere you belong ?”), it may not be an unusual thing for him to run away. (Which begs the question: what does his grandmother and father think about it ? Are they even aware of it ?)

Looking again at the timeline, what did Mikey and Takemichi do during the final reset ? They came back in October 1998 (Sanzu 8, Takeomi 17), yet Takeomi has his scar during the wedding. So either Sanzu cut his face before (and be 8 years old at most), or Mikey and Takemichi failed to prevent it.

this baby cut his brother’s face.

Talking about scars… We never got to see how Takeomi reacted when Sanzu got his. Did he blame him (he thought Sanzu was the one who broke the toy plane before Senju confesses she is in chapter 241) ? Did he just not do anything and left (oh sweet guilt) ? Did he decide to stay away from Mikey a bit ? Did he go to the hospital ?

For both Sanzu cutting Takeomi’s face and the toy plane incident, I pity Senju for having to witness it and feel guilty for not doing anything, but also because she knows sometimes she should be punished and not Sanzu. Her and Hakkai should get along well (once he stops freezing everytime girls talk to him).

But above all, I pity all of them for witnessing how the Sano family works. How, even though they also have absent parents, they’re healthy. How Mikey talks back to Shinichiro, how Emma loves her brother without feeling unwanted or lonely, how Shinichiro knows how to raise his siblings even with his family life, his parents' condition. And my heart ached the first time I read chapter 273 and Sanzu called Shinichiro ‘Shin-nii’ – thing Mikey never did. They addressed Takeomi as ‘Take-nii’ in their childhood, but they stopped. (Sanzu calls Shinichiro ‘Shinichiro-kun’ in the original timeline, which makes you wonder why, but I think he did since he was young and stopped because, for one, Shinichiro is too busy with his study and taking care of Mikey, and two, Sanzu went to juvie.) And Sanzu goes directly to Shinichiro after getting his memories back. He shares his confusion with Shinichiro, even if what he says seems unbelievable (even for himself) because he trusts him and knows he can share his worries with him. And Shinichiro answered to this 13 years old needing reassurance by telling him he killed a man.

I’d give a lot to see how the Akashi father is. I’d give a lot to see how Takeomi was raised. Because with Shinichiro it’s easy. Mama Sano and Papa Sano, for the little we’ve seen of them, seemed like good, stable people. They must have raised Shinichiro great until they couldn’t anymore. We don’t know when Mikey’s mother got to the hospital, but his father died when he was 3, so Shinichiro at least spent 13 years of his life with (guidance from) his father. Sure, it would’ve been better if it be longer, but it’s already more than.. Taiju (which, with some calculation, was 8 when his mother died). But we don’t know for the Akashi. We only know that Sanzu and Senju don’t call themselves Akashi. That Senju says “ We’re the mysterious siblings !” which is funny but makes me think about ‘let’s not talk about whatever’s going on in our family/at home’ which is not funny. Think of it, if the Akashi parents were the same as the Sano, they wouldn’t have turned out that way. It’s not fair to compare families or even people but to be fair they’re characters so they’re meant to be compared. And maybe the Sano siblings would have turned out like the Akashi siblings if their dad survived and their mom still died, who knows.

Takeomi didn’t take Senju and Sanzu to gang meetings, or anything gang-related whereas Shinichiro did. There could be two reasons (which can both be true at the same time) : 1, gang stuffs are dangerous, who would bring kids along, seriously, Shinichiro ? (chapter 269, Takeomi “are you stupid ? what kind of parents would let their kids learn from gang rides ?” after Shinichiro said “I'm like his father figure at this point. It's best from him to learn from his peers”) 2, it was the only thing he had that wasn’t family/home, where he could be himself and not have to care about his siblings (and be completely crushed under his responsibilities and doing a poor job because of it--). The fact he didn’t isn’t that important, Sanzu didn’t want to be part of a gang to start with (chapter 277 : “Nah! I don’t wanna be a delinquent!”), he only joined Toman after having his memories from the original timeline back and talking with Shinichiro about it (and Shinichiro dying). But Black Dragon, like for Shinichiro, was Takeomi’s life and by not bringing Sanzu and Senju in it, he didn’t interact with them much, he let them out of his life. Mikey and Emma “followed him [Shinichiro] everywhere” (chapter 109, Mikey), Takeomi needed his me-time, far away from his siblings. He couldn’t, unlike Shinichiro, put on the ‘perfect big brother’ role/façade.

Since he left his house often, Sanzu was left in charge (chapter 241, Takeomi “[...] you have to set a good example for her”; chapter 249, Sanzu (to Senju) “Did you forget who raised you [...]?”). If Takeomi had to take care on their father's role, it’s easy to understand that he delegated his big brother role to Sanzu. This was clearly not a good move, but Takeomi back then didn’t understand how strict he was with Sanzu, nor how unfair it was that he would blamed him for things Senju had done (following the rule of ‘you’re the older, you should have taught her better’) (perhaps Takeomi was so strict with Sanzu because he lashed out all of his self-anger/hatred on him; there's also the fact he may have recognized himself (his childhood self at least) in Sanzu – shitty move, but as a professional of denial, Takeomi might not have even been aware of it). But Takeomi wasn’t meant to be their father figure in the first place, and he could have failed his big brother role as well even if their life had been different, but he shouldn’t have had to endorse the responsibility of raising his siblings, had he been given the choice or not. It’s also somewhat ironic, that Takeomi did take on their father’s role the same way their father did – he left home for work and everything to the oldest child who stayed. Just like Shinichiro took on his father’s role. Not only because Shinichiro spent time with his siblings, which their father seems like he would have done, but also because, like his father, he gifts Mikey a toy, and tragedy soon follows (his father’s death in the car accident, Sanzu’s scars or Mikey’s accident). He was also a crybaby – although his father never cried in public (chapter 263, Mikey: “My father also cried easily ?”, his mom: “I wonder if he ever cried in public? That man was hopeless”). Mikey looked up to him, like he looks up to his father. I honestly think Mikey, who was also a crybaby as a child (chapter 263, Mikey’s mom: “[...] you too… used to be a crybaby when you were younger. All you did was cry and wail.”), started to stop crying (in public and in private alike) after his father’s death. Sure, he was very young when it happened, but children lack life experience not intelligence, sometimes they’re very capable of reading the room, and Mikey, who probably didn’t understand what was happening, knew that weeping wouldn’t help his already crying brother and mother. Mikey saw his father as this very strong, capable man who protected the family and decided to take on that role by being ‘strong’, by not crying and by beating people up (chapter 263, Mikey: “I am not going to cry. That's why, mom, I'm going to protect you, so come back home”; “I met that big guy from east elementary’s third grade. And I beat him up !”, his mom: “You're so strong, Manjiro. Just like your father.”). He has one memory of his father, where he hands him a superhero figurine – and what are fathers if not the superhero of their young children ? 

Sanzu was a better big brother than Takeomi was. Sanzu, like Takeomi in the past, doesn’t want Senju to be in a gang and much less a gang leader (chapter 216, Senju : “Haruchiyo doesn't like the fact I’m the head of Brahman. He doesn't like that I'm the strongest and that Takeomi endorses me.”). “Because of my mistakes, Takeomi got mad at Haruchiyo even so Haruchiyo was always nice to me” (Senju, chapter 241) ; he could have. He could have let out the anger he had on Senju since he couldn’t talk back to Takeomi. He didn’t, because Sanzu was a kind child, but also because seeing how Takeomi favored Senju (in his actions, this does not mean he loved her more) if he had learnt Sanzu got angry at her or even made her cry… Sanzu was already aware of how his brother acted when he got angry.

I refuse to believe “The curse Shinichiro created by killing the time leaper, that is what my ‘dark impulses’ are. It affected everyone around him” (chapter 274) as the reason behind Sanzu and Mikey’s behavior. Simply because, if it did, then why was Wakasa, Benkei, Emma, heck even Sano grandpa, not affected by it ? And why was Kazutora ? The only way I accept it is with ‘it affected Sanzu because he was Shinichiro’s trigger, so they shared the power and by such, Sanzu had to carry a bit of the curse’ (im not going to talk about mikey’s case here but i also came up with a more complex reason as to why he was affected, that is not just ‘he was close to him’). However, we don’t know what the curse does. The homeless man only said ‘’curse you’’ (chapter 271), any explanation from a character who isn’t the homeless man can’t be taken as the perfect truth. Anyway, all of that to say that behind Sanzu (and Mikey’s) actions, there was a bit of genuinity. The curse pushed them to act, but a part of them wanted to act, the curse made them unable to stop (and think of alternative solutions), worse, the curse made them like it. (okay, it’s theory time heck it. the curse feeds on tragedy, the more tragedy, the more it grows, the more it grows, the more hungry it gets, the more it wants tragedy, the more it triggers tragedy. And by feeding on tragedy i mean all the negative feelings that go hand-in-hand with. Sadness, despair, helplessness, rage, regrets, guilt… It clings to someone who already has a tragic life (Mikey, Sanzu, … Kazutora,…) and it worsens it. End of theory time.) ANYWAY. All of that to say that, this ?

Was something Sanzu would (without the curse) regret, but did anyway because he couldn’t stop it (because of the curse) because a part of him wanted to (not necessarily, hit Senju with a pipe, but get a pay-back from what he had had to go through as a child. Who knows what he would have done to Takeomi if Wakui decided to not drop our ‘God of War’ by the road before the last fight of the story). And he says things her ‘always nice to her’ brother wouldn’t have said (especially) to her such as “fighting all flamboyantly like that.. you buzzing disgusts the hell out of me. You disgusting fly !” (chapter 248)

Sanzu knows Senju isn't responsible for Mikey's curse, but he learnt about it when he was 13; not before (i'm not saying that's why he hit her, that’s not my best transition). Who knows, maybe somewhere in his mind he did blame Senju before memories of the original timeline flew back to him and he realized whether the toy had broken or not, Mikey would've turned up like that either way. This also begs the question : what did Sanzu think about the accident, before Shinichiro admitted what really happened on that day, before he got his memories from the original timeline back ? What did he think about staying friends with the one who scarred him for life ? Did he really wholeheartedly agree to stay friends for life with Mikey to Shinichiro?

Speaking of the original timeline, Takeomi is said to be on “non-speaking terms” with Sanzu. But let’s put everything back into context : Sanzu “used a damn katana and slashed all of his friends” (Baji ; chapter 270) (which also doesn't support the 'it's because of the curse' explanation or the "You can't erase the curse! [...] I've been following Mikey as if I was in a trance [...]"(chapter 275) of Sanzu. Because there wasn't a curse in the original timeline to 'explain' Sanzu's behavior), and Baji himself says to Shinichiro “Why do you give a fuck about somebody like him ?”(same chapter). Whether Takeomi blames himself for how Sanzu turned out or not, Sanzu at best hurt his friends, at worst killed them. And in this timeline, Takeomi still has Senju to look after – hence, he can’t let Sanzu interact with her, and he refuses to talk with him after what he did (whereas in Bonten, Senju is dead and Takeomi came back in the game and ends up accepting murder as part of his, their, life) Takeomi is also against Mikey killing (South), as he says “Are you even human!? There’s no reason for you to go that far, y’know?!”(chapter 233) which Mikey kindly answers to by kicking Takeomi in the chin and saying “you're better off dead, too.”(same chapter). Shinichiro, like Sanzu, justifies it ; “He just attacked them because they were talking shit about Manjiro. Isn’t that how Haruchiyo is ?”. Would Shinichiro have justified it in another timeline, though ? If Mikey was okay, if Emma was there, if his grandfather didn’t die… Would he have accepted Sanzu’s actions ? Shinichiro in the original timeline, is in deep, deep denial about his entire life collapsing around him.

One second he’s working at a job he likes and wants to do, the other he is a university student, a nurse and his brother’s main and only caregiver. One second, he lives with what is left of his family, the other his brother is his only family left, and he can’t leave the hospital. Not only did his life go downhill after Mikey’s accident, he must blame himself for it too. Why did Mikey have his accident ? Because he didn’t want to lend the Concorde to Baji and the rest. Who bought the Concorde as a gift for him ? Shinichiro. He guided his brother, the boy he raised, to his death, and the girl he raised is nowhere to be seen (which might have been in part his fault since he was too busy studying for Mikey to pay attention to her), even though he had promised to his father to look after the both of them (chapter 269, “Father [...] I’ll take care of both Manjiro and Emma for you.”). His parents, his grandparents, he had nothing left. But Mikey is still alive. So he keeps on focusing on that, only that. Mikey can’t interact with people, nobody knows if he is aware of his surroundings, but he is alive and that fact alone is the only thing keeping Shinichiro from facing reality, from realizing that at this point, he is his family on his own, it’s the only thing keeping him going. He has to keep Mikey alive, to the price of his health (chapter 270, Baji: “In order to get the qualifications to be a caregiver he had to study while working in the hospital. I’m sure he doesn't even have time to sleep, his life is a total mess”; Wakasa: “I was worried that you'd be the first to die [...] Right now you're just rotting away”), his money, his morals (same chapter, Shinichiro: “I've gotten involved in many shady businesses. So I could help Manjiro in whatever he needed. I've done whatever therapies and even paid a lot for those suspicious religious groups”) anything, anything for Mikey. So of course, Haruchiyo was justified in his actions, no matter what Baji or Takeomi might say (plus, Baji says all kinds of things (“He isn't right in the head.”) but he still tags along and interact with Haruchiyo, he doesn’t fool many people. Then again, does Baji have any friends ? If “there’s nothing great about middle school”, he can’t meet Chifuyu, and who knows if he met any other founding members, if he met Kazutora at least.) because killing for Mikey is exactly what Shinichiro does.

The homeless man tells him to gain the power he killed his predecessor, and for a man who has lost everything, killing isn’t much. Except it doesn’t work. Shinichiro doesn’t go back to the past instantly after killing this man. His last hope is gone. And it wasn’t even one – he helplessly believed in the idea of time leaping because it was the only thing left he could believe in. So he kills himself. There’s nothing left anyway. Wakasa, Benkei, Takeomi, Haruchiyo, Baji ? Not enough. And then it works. He’s back. He saves Mikey. Then when he unexpectedly goes back to his present (2003) and goes look for the homeless man, he doesn’t find him. Probably to talk, to thank him. But the thing is, he killed this man. But not once is he seen feeling guilt about this. Denial ? Maybe. Or maybe it’s because he finds it justifiable. He killed for Mikey, for his baby brother, for his own sanity. One doesn’t mean the other isn’t true – he could justify it to stay in denial. He dies too soon after for him to learn to cope with what he did anyway.

There’s also the fact that out of everyone, he goes to Wakasa to tell him about the original timeline. Not Takeomi (who isn’t doing well in any point anyway), and not Benkei (who… we don’t know), but Wakasa. And he confesses his murder to him (as we’re told by Mikey, chapter 268 : “I was informed by Wakasa” ; chapter 274 : “the curse Shinichiro created by killing the time leaper… that is what my dark impulses are.”), the same way he confessed what he did in his previous timeline and what he thought of doing (“In these four years, I've gotten involved in many shady businesses [...] Maybe I should kill them all for deceiving me.” (chapter 270)).

So, while in the original timeline, Takeomi focuses on Senju even if that means neglecting Sanzu, Shinichiro focuses on Mikey which leads to Emma running away (to where, we don’t know). And those two little sisters fit their role differently. While Emma cooks (she is seen several time cooking; and to Draken after he asked her if she was housekeeping “well, gramps is old and…” (chapter 263)), likes cute things (the teddy bear she wanted and Draken got for her birthday), isn’t a fighter and in the final timeline becomes a housewife, Senju chases Mikey, Baji, and Sanzu around, wants to play with their toys (Mikey’s concorde), trains at Wakasa and Benkei’s gym and is a gang member. Takemichi refrains her to buy punk clothes and even though she still buys a lot of items, she prefers Brahman’s uniform and she goes shopping because Takeomi tells her to (“We’re shopping in Harajuku because Takeomi told me to ‘do some girly stuff sometimes.’ This is his card.”) and gives her his credit card (whose money comes from Brahman’s activities, so as to whether it’s his or Senju’s decisions leading to him being rich..). They’re both feminine, but Senju is a bit more of a tomboy in what she likes. Emma doesn’t feel lonely (“Since then, I've never felt lonely. Not even once”)(she has friends her age, such as Hinata), Senju clings to Takemichi the moment he joins Brahman (“Brahman’s full of old guys, so I’m glad people my age are joining”(chapter 216);”So can i think of us as friends now ?”(chapter 219))(seemingly, her only friends remain Mikey and Baji, whom she likely hasn't seen in years, even before Valhalla arc). They are also the only girls Takemichi saw in bra (chapter 9/chapter 216) but uh.. I don't want to know if that was made on purpose or not. But it joins the feminine/tomboy dichotomy – when Emma undressed, she had something else in mind (which, fortunately, didn't happen) and she has lace underwear, whereas Senju is very uninhibited (“Oh, it's fine. It's just sports bra”, chapter 216) and is wearing a sports bra like she says. They were raised the same way (Emma taking care of/helping her grandfather with chores ; Senju being forbidden to use ‘ore’ by Takeomi because it’s not ‘girlish’, making her go shopping for her to ‘do some girlish stuffs’; both being surrounded by men/boys (who are gang members, or former)) so it’s not because of outside influences they came to have different personalities and behaviors – Senju doesn’t fight or is tomboy-ish because she was raised among men (heck, she lives/lived at her grandmother’s while Emma had no woman/girl family members), she simply likes what society deems ‘for boys’ because she is herself and likes those things ; same for Emma, she doesn’t force herself to be someone she isn’t.

The Akashi are a motherless family but we don’t know why. If the Sano parents are dead (beside Karen, Emma’s mom) then I have two theories coming to mind. Either, the Akashi parents are alive or, they are indeed dead and the father in charge of raising them is Senju and Sanzu’s but not Takeomi's (or a mix of both, who knows). There are various details pointing to Takeomi being half-siblings with Senju and Sanzu.

First, it would be another obvious parallel with the Sano → Emma is Shinichiro and Mikey’s half-sister, but make it a twist by making the half-sibling the oldest instead of the youngest. Second, Manjiro (万次郎) and Shinichiro (真一郎) share a kanji and so do Haruchiyo (春千夜) and Senju (千咒)– if their parents wanted to give them names with a same kanji why don’t they all share it ? I get it with Emma (her mom probably named her and we don’t know how involved her father was in her life, plus, 郎 is a kanji that literally means ‘son/boy’, but she could have have a name ending with 子(ko) meaning ‘child’ and who’s only used in feminine names), but Takeomi ? If they wanted to do that, even if Sanzu and Senju came after, couldn’t they choose 武 or 臣 ? Both feminine and masculine names with those kanji seem to exist (and even if they didn’t, it’s the Japanese name system, they could very much invent it – that’s what they did for Senju!(can’t find information on this name like Wakui decided to write it)). And third, the Sano brothers look a lot alike (Mikey did get his hair color from his father but beside that, they both look a lot like their mother) while Emma looks like her mom (they don’t realize straight away she’s their sister ���Isn’t she a foreigner ?”, chapter 123 and Takemichi, Hinata and Naoto don’t realize it either and think she’s dating Mikey for a brief moment in chapter 66 (although Takemichi ends up saying “They do have some sorta resemblance actually” after being told, but Mikey asks him “Really ?”), Sanzu and Senju both look extremely alike while Takeomi doesn’t (different hair color, eye shape, eyelashes, eyebrows - perhaps same eye color).

If we go along with this theory, which also makes their mother the parent they share and not their father like the Sano do (like they stay at their grandmother’s but the Sano stay at their grandfather’s), then the answer as to when Takeomi stopped living with his biological dad and moved in with his step-father would be important. Which one is responsible for how he raises his siblings, or perhaps they are both at fault ? When did their mom leave/die? Did someone ever tell Sanzu and Senju Takeomi was their half-brother ? If Takeomi’s step-father’s family name is Akashi, then Takeomi doesn’t use his birth family name either. And since Takeomi’s mom left him, does he feel the same way Emma feels about it ? (not saying his mother left for the same reason/the same way)

Or they could share the same father and have a different mother like the Sano. Either way, I’m craving for more information about them. They better not stay the “mysterious siblings” forever. Wakui pls

The Sano siblings are 4, we all know that. Izana is a Sano. So what if he throws the parallels off-balance ? He doesn’t. If you’re as delusional as I am, Muto is the Akashi’s Izana.

While Izana knew Shinichiro and Emma, and never got to know Mikey before dying in Tenjiku, Muto knew Sanzu and never got to know Takeomi and Senju. When they met, Mikey had lost Shinichiro and Emma, Sanzu left his home (and most likely stopped interacting with his siblings - although the “Haruchiyo doesn't like the fact im the head of Brahman. He doesn't like that I'm the strongest and that Takeomi endorses me” of Senju in chapter 216 means that he made his disapproval known). Izana knew of Mikey (Shinichiro kept talking about him), Muto didn’t know of Sanzu’s siblings. Muto also has the same age gap with Sanzu (and Senju) that Izana has with Mikey (and Emma). Izana was meant to parallel Mikey, Muto was meant to… parallel Takeomi. He parallels Sanzu too, in some points (staying loyal to their first ‘king’, being very harsh on betrayers/spies, having nowhere to go, Muto to Sanzu, chapter 206, “You don't have anywhere you belong ? You and I are pretty alike.”) but Sanzu said “I would've loved to have a big brother like you”(chapter 206) and so… either Wakui came up with Mucho or Takeomi first. Maybe he didn't even intend to narratively tie them in the first place. But they're still shaped in a way to be opposite. Sanzu took Mucho as his big brother figure first because he’s the opposite of the big brother Sanzu got and who failed him. Mucho’s betrayal against Mikey leaves him to die by Sanzu’s hands anyway, however, by betraying Mikey, he also betrayed Sanzu’s trust. His big brother failed him, again. A brother who told him “it's fine to be devoted to the king, but take care of yourself, too.”(chapter 206), not only validating his actions but saying he’s important as well, a brother who gave him his jacket, a brother who is the reason behind his favorite food (Sanzu’s favorite food is cheesecake for Cozy Corner and Mucho’s failure/heroic story explains why : “to make Haruchiyo Sanzu open up, Mucho bought him cheesecake from his favorite shop, Cozy Corner. The atmosphere was awkward and Mucho asked if something was wrong, to which Sanzu replied that he hated cheese, but would give it a try. There was no conversation after that.”), a brother who tried to make him open up, who tried to understand him, a brother who thought handing him a mask was a good idea because he was “missing out because of those scars” (chapter 206). Another perhaps useful information is that Sanzu dislikes “smothering people”, which was probably what Takeomi was to him (we already know Takeomi likes, has to be in control).

We only have one example of a moment the Akashi siblings spent together, only the three of them. And that’s Senju’s “it's super sparkly ! I haven't been [in an amusement park] since second grade of elementary school !” (chapter 219) and her hidden volume cover (which happened the same year Sanzu got his scars so between April 1st and July 30th 1999).

(Takeomi is the only character, on a (hidden or not) volume cover, we can’t see the face of. Most of them look directly at the reader, and if they don’t we can still see a bit of their face (just like Sanzu and Senju here).)

Final Timeline

It’s not a rant about the entire ending, that’s not the purpose of this post so I’ll only stick with Takeomi.

He’s the only one I have a problem with in this ending. Not him in particular, but his role, his job. Mikey and Takemichi fixed everything (the best they could), including the Akashi siblings’ relationship. All three of them work together.

I won’t say it’s bad for Takeomi’s development, it depends how it’s done and since it’s a happy ending for everyone, it shouldn’t impact anyone badly, But. Was him being the ‘self-proclaimed producer’ necessary ? I’m not against it, especially not if he has another (official) job on the side (and we know he’s smart enough to have one, and one who pays lots, which would also explain how he succeeds to ‘produce’ Senju & Haruchiyo). The only small problem I have with this is – he still lives by being someone important, needed, for somebody else, living on somebody else’s success. And it can be healthy ! But why is it ‘self-proclaimed’. Yuzuha isn’t Hakkai’s ‘self proclaimed’ manager. She is. Takeomi could very much be Haruchiyo and Senju’s producer. Sure they’re youtubers and I don't know if they can have official producers, but why? Takeomi, especially final timeline Takeomi, doesn’t need to brag about others’ achievements as if it was his own, he needs to brag about what he can and what he does by himself, without the need of anybody else.

And I don't say it’s what happens in the final timeline. But it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I hope he has another job where he constantly realizes he is the only reason why it succeeds. Because I don't need him to say ‘I raised them’ or ‘I produce them’ when someone praises Senju and Haruchiyo, as if he was the reason they became famous. I don’t need him to get Haruchiyo and Senju under the spotlight to steal it from them. I need him to be their producer because he can, because he wants to help and bond with them, without taking what they did for himself. I need him to have an individual job, to have built his career without anyone’s help, to see that he can succeed alone. And unfortunately, that’s not what this last chapter made me feel was happening.

Still, it is (and that’s why we’re here for, not me rumbling about how Takeomi’s job is the only one to piss me off because he’s the only character who ends up with a job that can screw up his development). First, I'm so glad the Akashi actually get to be siblings. There are still some issues they had had to fix (with Mikey and Takemichi’s help-), Takeomi and Haruchiyo’s relationship was already pretty bad (Takeomi has his scar on his face) but it got fixed ! Second, Takeomi deserves to feel needed (and to be), which he is by being their producer and i wish, if both sides do take advantages of the other, that it’s in the most healthy way (if that makes sense) – that “the money [...] spent out of Takeomi’s pocket” was his idea and Haruchiyo and Senju accepted (with perhaps the intention of paying Takeomi back later, maybe not with money, since Takeomi doesn’t seem to need it, but still, to do something to show Takeomi it was appreciated) and that Haruchiyo and Senju thanks him publicly, without his ego feasting on it.

I hope he got his self-esteem restored. Which of course that’s what happened, we’re in the final timeline and everything’s good. But. I really hope he did.

And I choose to believe that the “same old Takeomi.” from Shinichiro means Takeomi the same as he was when they were kids. Maybe not exactly, because Black Dragon 1st generation and Takeomi’s superiority complex happened, but that Shinichiro recognizes his childhood friend is doing well, that he’s still here somewhere and got healed.

+ What’s in a name ?

(I'm gonna do something I didn't do for the Shiba (there wasn't much to say about it for them))

Writers are careful with how they name their characters (I'm making generalities here) – and it's especially true with Japanese and Chinese Writers whose characters' name change meaning depending on how they decide to write it

So it's been odd to me, when I realized the ‘Take’ in both Takeomi and Takemichi were the same. Why would Wakui do that? It can't be a coincidence, right ? And indeed. The Akashi siblings' names hold meaning.

Let's start with 明司 (Akashi). 明 (aka) means light, bright and is made of the Kanji used for sun (日) and the one used for moon (月). Then, 司 (shi) means official, director, administrator and was once used to design governors the Emperor had appointed to carry out the imperial policies in provinces. So 司 is for people in power, but not at the top. As said before, 司 seems to come from 后 which is the same kanji upside down and which means ‘emperor, king, monarch..’.

武 from both Takeomi and Takemichi means ‘military, war’. Takemichi's name is actually made of the exact Kanji as Budō (武道, way of war/way of the martial arts). 臣 (Omi) means ‘retainer, subject’ and could be used as a ‘I’ when addressing one's master. Ah, and it can be pronounced ‘Shin’ by itself. Because of course it does.

Takeomi is either: the warrior retainer or the war/military retainer. But he can also be in some way, the director of the light (and so can be Sanzu and Senju.)

I've got more to say about Sanzu than Senju so I'll start with her. Search "Senju Japanese name" into a search bar, you won't end up finding it written like Wakui decided to write it. Not that it means it doesn’t exist, but it's not popular. And for cause, Wakui chose to write Senju: 千咒 – A thousand curses.

Now, who would name their child "curse", I don't know. Perhaps it's one of those names where they're supposed to be degrading so as to push bad spirits/ghosts away? I have two theories for this but they’re without any real basis. One of them is ; the person who named her was really angry at her birth and since we don’t know where is/what happened to their mother.. Yeah (either she died giving birth or for some reasons she named Senju that way before leaving/disappearing). Or it could be one of those ‘Kira Kira names’ (names outside of the norm parents decided were cool). Anyway, Senju thinks she is the reason why both Mikey and Sanzu (+Baji) turned up that way, which isn't true as we're being told after, but Senju thought she was the reason behind Mikey's curse – without knowing it was a curse.

I didn't find any real concrete stuff about Kawaragi. Which is sad. 瓦 means roof tile and 城 means castle. When put together with the Kanji 礫, 瓦礫 means rubbish, wreckage, debris. With the Kanji 解, it becomes 瓦解; collapse, downfall. Normally I won't dare to talk about things who seem to be a bit too coincidental. But 土崩瓦解 doesn't feel coincidental. It can either mean 'complete collapse' or, '(something) going to pieces', meaning 'broke beyond repair'. Which she did. Or rather, thinks she did (not only the toy plane, but “Ever since that day, they all changed… mikey, baji and Haruchiyo. They all changed, and it's because of me” (chapter 241, Senju)). Also, 瓦 is 万 but backward and 万 is the first Kanji of ‘Manjiro’ (万次郎). Which makes a lot more sense. I guess ? For 城; there's 成, meaning 'promoted' it's notably used in Shogi where some pieces can be, well, promoted.

I like to think Sanzu started calling himself such because Mikey and Baji decided to find themselves different names (even if Baji is never even once referred as Ed or Edward). But whatever the reason, Sanzu is one hell of a name. Quite literally, hell. If you look up "Sanzu'' and ignore the Tokyo Revengers-related things, you'd scramble upon: 三途の川 – Sanzu no Kawa. River of the three crossings. A place the deads have to cross after their deaths, and which leads them either to heaven, to hell, or to resurrection. Souls get punished there. Every sin gets met with a trial.

(Plus, it's interesting to know that those you get drag to Jigoku, "hell", fall in the water/river where a bunch of snakes await them. Whereas people who get a pass to Tengoku, heaven walk over a bridge. Sanzu is never called ‘sanzu’ in the original timeline. But you know how Shinichiro died the first time ? Yeah, you do. He isn’t called Sanzu once in the original timeline, and even if he is in the final timeline, I decide to believe it’s because Mikey and Takemichi are too used to calling him that way to realize it and he just picked it up.)

春千夜 (Haruchiyo), is the only name among the Akashi who don't have any kind of negativity in it. Senju has curses, Takeomi has retainer (which isn't a negative thing in itself, but we've already established that Takeomi wants to be so much more than to be at someone's else service), Haruchiyo means "Spring of a thousand nights". Just like Senju, he has 千, ‘a thousand’ in his name.

Remember the 武 from Takeomi and Takemichi ? Yeah ? Well I'm a bit of a liar. Rather than a liar, I didn't say everything. There's a third character with 武 in his name. But it isn't pronounced 'Take' for one, and for two, it's in his family name, not his first

武藤  泰宏

Muto Yasuhiro

(I can't imagine the pain he has to go through every time he writes his name down. 藤 is one hell of a kanji.)

Ah... Mucho. Sanzu's big brother figure. Better than the other. But who did the only thing Sanzu would kill anyone for: betray Mikey. But that's not the point here, we're here to talk about his name. Beside the obvious 武 meant to add to the fact he's Sanzu's big brother, like Takeomi but reversed, 藤 means wisteria. 泰宏(Yasuhiro) means "peaceful' and 'broad' which describes Mucho's personality accurately but, but, but. In 泰 there's 𡗗 just like in 春 ;) (it actually doesnt mean much because taiju also has it in one of his kanji but shh). Or, just like Sanzu shares a kanji with his sister, he shares half one with his not related by blood brother. And ⺢ is a variant of 水, water, just like Sanzu is a river.

朕 is also in there. It's the royal ‘I’, ‘we’ – completely opposite of the servant 臣, ‘I’. More globally, wisterias represent the imperial family in Japan; thanks to the Fujiwara who impacted Japan by a lot when they were the ones ruling the country. And I’ll stop there with Mucho because I may be going too deep here and at some point digging further is meaningless.

Shinichiro and Mikey’s names are… It made me chuckle, not gonna lie. Not because of what the kanji means, but because those are extremely common kanji found in names. 一郎 in 真一郎(Shinichiro) means ‘first’ and ‘boy/son’. 次郎 in 万次郎(Manjiro) means ‘next’ and ‘boy/son’. These (reading ‘Ichiro’ and ‘Jiro’ by themselves) were rather common names for children from not-upper class families. It’s much less common nowadays. Then there’s 真 who means ‘real, sincere, genuine, truth’ and 万  who means ‘ten thousand’. And I didn't quite understand why their parents would choose that kanji, but if you add 全 to it then it gives 万全 or, ‘perfection, flawlessness’, and suddenly it makes my heart melt and also more sense. (it also seems to come from his grandfather’s name Mansaku (万作))

Sano 佐野 too, is a rather common name. Or at least half a common name. since 佐 may make you think of 佐藤 (Sato) which is the most common Japanese family name. However, the 藤 comes from the Fujiwara clan, since the Sano don’t have this kanji (unlike Muto) we can say they don’t have samurai ancestors (or if they do, it got lost along the way). It seems like family name with two out of three of the following kanji : 田, 中 or 村 are reasonably common. And 野 (Sano) has both 田 and 村. (although unlike Tanaka(田中), Nakamura(中村) and others they are stuck inside one kanji).

Unlike Akashi which describes someone of the upper-class, the Sano are everyday average people (Sano means ‘to help’ and ‘field, plain’ but also a prefix meaning ‘wild, lacking a political post’). Except they aren’t. But Wakui must find himself funny for this.

EDIT: 'Sano' is a city in the Tochigi Prefecture in Kanto, which economy revolves around agriculture and light manifacturing. It was also once the name of a clan.

(By the way, the -no of Terano (寺野) is the same kanji. As in, Terano South. And there are some parallels between Mikey and him.. (ill mother, no father, a parent who's a foreigner – but Mikey was born and raised in Japan while South had Brazil), person who raised him showed him the world of delinquency (but they had clearly different view of it), go live with their grandparent(s), person who raised them died when they were 12 (Shin died before Mikey had turned 13) because of ‘dark impulses’ (South himself; Kazutora), they both have ‘dark impulses’ (although we might never know why/how/if they are really the same dark impulses for South), they are both known by a English name rather than their official Japanese one (but Mikey chose his while Dino named South)… We don’t have enough about South and I don't like it.)

(Even worse, because if you’re as delusional as I am, you would notice that if you take out two strokes of 南(South) you end up with the kanji 幸. And since Mikey loved his mother very much, and she loved him very much, and South loved his mother very much… Then his mother must have loved him very much as well (even if she was incapable of fully taking care of him). And 幸 means ‘happiness, luck, blessing fortune’. But then it’s a girl name. But perhaps that’s what his mother wanted her child to be named if it was a daughter ? It’s still hidden in the ‘’Minami’’(南) Anyway, as I said, I’m being delusional and 南 is not an unusual name in Japan. Leave me and my headcanons alone. There's also the possibility it was his father who was Japanese, of course. After all South’s name is Japanese, but then, we don't know a thing about his father so we can't say if him and South’s mom were married. But no matter which one was his Japanese parent, he either had no vocabulary in Japanese or only the basis and had had to learn everything when he was sent to live with his grandparents in Japan – who probably don't speak a word of Portuguese so it didn’t help South having very violent habits. They couldn't communicate.)

I didn’t find something that caught my attention with Baji’s kanji. Sad. But Edward means ‘guardian, protector’ so at least he chose a name that does describe him well. Micheal means ‘who is like god ?’ and of course reminds you of Michael the Archangel and knowing his mother called him ‘my angel’, well my heart is currently aching. I mean… Baji is made of a kanji meaning ‘place’ and another meaning ‘ground’ (the kanji for Keisuke means ‘jewels/corner’ and ‘meditation’ and i really have no idea for those) – Michael is one of the most famous angel name and Sanzu is linked to the afterlife so.. perhaps Baji is the ‘human’ of them three ?

(Baji Keisuke is written 圭介場地. Out of all these kanji there's only 圭 I perhaps found something interesting about. In Shogi, there's a piece called 成桂; 'promoted Katsura' and its abrevation is 圭. Btw, in Shogi, the 'king' is 玉将 or 王将 (if you're a lower rank player or a challenger VS if you're a higher rank player or a reigning champion) notice the dot ? It's 瓦 from 'Kawaragi' vs 万 from 'Manjiro' again)

Emma and Izana's can't be analyzed this much. I didn't find anything for Izana (If i go on Behind the name, in japanese the name Izana (rare and only used in pop culture) comes from the verb izanau ; to invite, to ask someone to do, to call for, to tempt, to lure, to entice ; but honestly, searching for the etymology of this name doesn’t give you a lot of answer (not enough sites say the same thing for me to believe it)) and Emma is "universal, whole" when it comes of German etymology and "all containing" when it comes of Hebrew etymology.

Also it’s interesting how Sanzu and Senju decided to change their family name and not their first like Mikey and Baji. Plus, Baji gets called by his family name every time so it didn’t serve much – like Senju who changed her family name but is never addressed by it in the story (even Brahman members yell ‘’Senju’’). But then Mikey changed his first name and gets called by it and Sanzu changed his family name and gets called by it. One option for each possibility, so it could be in/Wakui’s purpose! The one who didn’t use their other name as much as their real one are the ones to die, whereas the one who, to overstate the point, changed their identity by identifying with something that wasn’t initially them, actually got those selves erased. It’s more clear for Sanzu. Sanzu came up with ‘Sanzu’ and ‘Akashi Haruchiyo’ wasn’t anymore. Mikey came up with this name for another reason but it was still to get rid of ‘Manjiro’. And he didn’t get rid of ‘Manjiro’ until his brother, the only person left to call him that, died. Mikey’s flashback (chapter 264-265: “I.. really like ‘strong’ people [...] Until that day [Shinichiro’s death] [...] I was looking for ‘something’ other than strength [...] All the guys in Toman are good. They're so good but there's something I can't figure out. I wonder how long… there has been ‘something’ dark inside my heart [...] ‘strong’ alone is not enough [...] After all, all I need is ‘darkness’.”) tells us he was already starting to follow his Dark Impulses ; after his brother’s death. He confesses it to Kisaki (“I wonder how long… there has been ‘something’ dark inside my heart. Sometimes that ‘something’ expands and drives me to destroy absolutely everything”). Manjiro Sano died with his brother. Other people may still call him that way, like his grandfather, but Mikey is Mikey. And this innocent name he once chose to make his sister feel less lonely became a metaphor for his incoming loss of sense of self.

We can also add that Shinichiro may have not changed the way he called Mikey because since his brother, 'Manjiro', was the only thing left from his life before it went downhill, calling him 'Mikey' instead of 'Manjiro' would have created even more of a distance between Shinichiro and his past 'normal' life from his childhood.

Baji and Mikey chose their name (Micheal & Edward) to try to make Emma open up. To get closer to her (especially Mikey). And Emma gets her birth name (Kurokawa) changed as Sano, which makes her even closer to her two brothers (and less from Izana). Sanzu and Senju chose their name to separate themself from Takeomi (and each other).

Of course, they aren't the only characters being best-known as a name they chose themselves of have been given by others. Draken for example, doesn't show any kind of resentment or even neutrality against his name; Ken is still present in Draken. We also know he chose it as a child (like the others), but (unlike the others) a reason is never given - he most likely thought it was cool; just like Mitsuya's dragon and his new tattoo were. Same with Benkei. It is written in katakana in the manga, but with kanji Benkei and Keizo have the same 'Kei'. Benkei is one of the most famous historical figure in Japan, by the way. (He is the servant of Minamoto no Yoshitsune, born Ushiwakamaru. Birth name which shares a lot of kanji with 'Imaushi Wakasa'. Both were great fighters). South, is another example of a name given to change one's identity – but South didn't name himself 'South'; Dino did, after making him kill someone, or giving him a bloody baptism if you prefer. And 'Minami' means 'South' but Minami never grew up enough for us or himself to know who he was.

(+ 

mikey baji sanzu and senju are four and so are bd 1st gen doesn’t feel like a coincidence. But i cant think of something that makes it very interesting. Wakasa and sanzu both know about the og timeline, baji and takeomi are used as parallels at least once, senju has some commons traits with Shinichiro, but mikey does too (and more), senju and benkei.. both like MMA ? And their favorite catchers are rivals ? Thats not much for me to talk about ngl)

[yesimwriting]

Gingerbread

 A/n small christmas drabble i talked about earlier,, just a cute little holiday snippet 

Summary: Billy and Stu don’t particularly care about Christmas, but they like being around you.  

----

His words are sinking in because it’s been long enough and you can’t just stare at Stu forever, but you can’t think of a way to react. After all, one of the most enthusiastic people you’ve ever met just casually admitted to not being super into the holidays. 

The holidays aren’t something people are or aren’t into. They’re a state of mind, a ritual, a time of year to put aside the pretext of angst in order to take joy in the simple things like decorating little cookie people and walking around to look at everyone’s lights.

“You’re ‘not into the holidays’?” Stu blinks, a pinch of humor playing into his expression at your disbelief. “What do you mean you’re ‘not into the holidays’?” 

“What I said, sweetheart,” he hums with a casualness that’s nearly suspicious because you’re still not convinced, “I’m not nine so I’m not super into it.” 

It. “What’s there not to be into?” You feel a bit like a kid with your insistence, but come on--it’s weird that Stu, who’s all energy and pro anything that gets him time off school is indifferent about the holiday season. 

Who’s indifferent about the holiday season? You get why some people might hate this time of year and you don’t expect everyone to be all deck the halls, tinsel coming out of every crevice of their being, or anything--but this much flatness? It’s weird. Especially from him. 

Stu’s eyebrows pull together. He’s clearly enjoying something about your shock. “It was fun when I was a kid, but you grow out of the holly jolly. The decorators come, Leslie pops in, and we get gifts. It’s nothing world changing.” 

The bit of insight only vaguely helps, shifting your total disbelief into something a little more downcast. His apathy seems to stem from his family dynamic at least a little. “Well, what about you?” 

Billy angles his head in your direction, leaning against the island of your family’s kitchen. His pause is cut short by Stu, “Oh, don’t even try with Billy. He’s the real Grinch here.” 

Your head snaps towards Billy. “You hate Christmas?” 

“Hate’s a strong word,” Billy answers, his flatness ruined by the slight amusement at your total shock. When you don’t ease, Billy shrugs, eyes dropping to focus on the granite countertop instead of your face, “Christmas was my mom’s thing.” 

You have to bite your tongue to keep from asking if you heard correctly. Billy mentioning his mom in any capacity is shocking enough, but hearing him talk about her so casually and with such blankness is something else entirely.

“My dad and I just aren’t that into it.” 

Nodding once, you’re not sure there’s a good way to continue. “So no baking cookies? Got it.”

Stu leans forward, nudging you with his elbow. “I didn’t say that, princess, I’ll play house with you.”

It takes a second of reflection, but you guess you can see how Stu found a way to weasel in that angle. You weren’t thinking of it when you brought up the cookie thing, but you should have expected it. Stu has a talent for reading between lines in a way that makes it easy to translate subtext into anything he wants it to be. You don’t think you get why he’d want to perceive it that way, but decide that a dip into psychoanalysis will derail the afternoon.

It’s not too weird, you guess, at least not too weird for Stu. His parents aren’t around much so all those little things need to be found in friendship. It’s the defense you use for a lot of Stu’s tiny comments and actions. It’s a fair excuse, and not the worst way his potential parental issues come out, and--

Okay. This is the exact psychological deep dive you didn’t want to take. If you think too hard on it, you feel bad about it. What kind of friend needs to over observe and read into everything like that? 

“Yeah?” You tap your nails along the granite, “Willing to wear an apron and everything?” 

Stu tilts his head, leaning forward and lifting his hand to your cheek. He pinches the skin of your cheek too quickly for you to protest. “You’re the one with the legs for it.” 

It’s dumb enough that you should be able to think of some kind of retort, but the way he says it, voice all low and eyes too focused, derails your train of thought entirely. “And you’re the one with the legs that can reach the top shelf where the flour is.” 

----

“I’m doing it right.” It’s little more than a huff and it’s quickly followed by a full, unashamed pout. “You just like being bossy.” 

Glaring at Stu as he squishes the dough between his fingers instead of fully flattening it, you cross your arms across your chest. It’s a bad idea, because flour is coating both of your hands and more powder smudges against your shirt. You’re surprised that you didn’t think to expect such a mess.  “Do not.”

“The power trip’s adorable.” 

“And how cute will you find it when I kick your ass?” 

He does the most offensive thing possible. He grins, full teeth and not even the tiniest bit menaced. “Yeah? You’re gonna kick my ass?” 

His reply is equal parts teasing and something you’ve never been able to name but have always known not to push too far. Winding Stu up is fun until it’s not and the line shifts with little warning. “Maybe,” it feels more like a retreat than you’d like. 

“I wouldn’t try her,” Billy’s voice comes out half disinterested as he continues to mostly do as told, evening out the dough Stu un-smoothed. “She can be mean.” 

You fight a smile, “Not mean--fair.” 

Billy pauses in a consideration so deliberate it almost feels like he’s making fun of you in a lighthearted way. “Tough.” 

Nodding once, you move to press your palm into the dough. “I have to be to keep two specific people I can never shake in line.” 

“Two people you can’t shake.” Billy’s thumb presses into the side of the dough stiffly, flattening the dough too thinly. “Sounds like you have some stalkers.” 

You move your hand to adjust the distribution of the dough, your fingers brushing against the side of Billy’s hand. “Nah,” you hum casually, “They’re nice in their own weird way.”

Billy turns his hand, skin settling against yours in a way that’d feel intentional if it wasn’t for the way he dutifully returned to evening the dough. “Weird?” It’s said softly enough, a touch of lightheartedness etched into the word. 

You’re about to make some joke about how weird is a total understatement when you’re yanked back with no warning. Your body has barely moved a full step, but the sudden, firm grip on your waist and left forearm forces you to bite your tongue to avoid yelping. Flour puffs into a cloud that gets all over you and up your nose.

“Stu!” 

He laughs, not letting go. “What happened to keeping us in check?” 

The jab makes you feel like you could kill him in order to prove a point. You squirm aimlessly, too offended to manage anything else. Stu’s relentless in his hold as you twist until you’re facing him. His expression leaves something in your stomach on edge. It’s not genuine panic or comfortability either. You can’t decide whether that makes you want to move or stay in place.

Stu angles his head downwards and you slowly raise a hand. He doesn’t question it until it’s too late and you’re opening your palm in order to let out a quick, sharp breath. Flour strikes Stu in a way that seems to genuinely catch him by surprise. It’s enough to make you laugh until his stillness sinks in. His hold on you feels firmer now and you’re not sure if the change is new or if you had been too distracted to notice before. Your lower back presses into the kitchen counter as you instinctually shift back. 

The bubbling of your internal awkwardness combines uneasily with the humor of earlier. It sits and builds with no where to go until you blurt out, “You in check yet?”

He cocks his head to the side. “Don’t get a big head, babydoll.” 

You’re not sure you get the framing of his words and their uncharacteristically stiff undertone. Before you can dwell, Billy sighs. “You two are little kids.” 

Any hint of edge that had just started building up vanishes as Stu turns his head. “Moody.” 

“Yeah,” you echo, feeling like your proving Billy’s point, “We should dump flour on Billy.” 

“An entire bag,” Stu angles his head to face you again, slowly releasing you, “We could wait for him to go to the bathroom and ambush him.” 

“You hide around the corner and I’ll hide behind the couch. No escape.”

Billy rolls his eyes. “You’re conspiring in front of me.” 

“Maybe I’m just trying to lure you into a false sense of security and I’m actually planning something a lot worse.” 

His eyebrows draw together, a desperate attempt at annoyance. “You wouldn’t make a good bad guy.” 

You let out a sound of mock offense. “You have no idea what I’m capable of plotting. I could be a total evil mastermind.” 

With a loud snort, Stu brings attention back to him. “You’re better off sticking to the cookies.” Before you can protest, Stu challenges your irritated expression with a question, “Okay--slasher movie, how do you take out your first victim?”

You’d point out that you weren’t trying to prove you’d be a fantastic killer in a scary movie, but they’d take that as giving up. Especially since you should have known that one of them would go there eventually. “Those things are unrealistic because half the time not getting caught isn’t a priority.” The answer feels a little bit like a cop out, and so you take a second to actually think it through, “But, I guess, off the top of my head I’d take out the first victim way before the others to make the crimes seem disconnected.” 

Billy asks, “Then what?” 

Ugh. You don’t love being put on the spot and this could easily turn into a sore subject with how seriously they take their scary movies. You’re not in the mood to be made into a joke as they pick apart your murder plan without taking into consideration that they gave you no notice. “I don’t know--take out the second victim alone to allow suspense to build and then attack the last of them all at once at some place I’m supposed to be at and then injure myself to make it easier to frame someone close enough to the victims to already have the police’s eye on them.” 

“Boring,” Stu exhales, dragging out the two syllables, “You left out the good, bloody details. Think you’d look cute all stabby--” 

“You want to see me stab happy? Because I guarantee you won’t like the outcome.” 

“Ouch,” Stu drops his head onto your shoulder, feigning a pain to rival an actual wound, “I’d let you live if I was a killer.” Not breaking at what’s clearly a compliment, you cup some more flour into your hand before blowing it into his face again. “You’re mean.” The whine is followed by him burring his head into his shoulder as he pretends to cry, affectively forcing the flour all over your shirt. 

Billy leans forward, grabbing a cloth rag from the other side of the counter before dropping it in front of you. “Clean up before you get it on me.” He catches the look behind your eye before you even realize what you’re doing. “Don’t.” 

His warning isn’t serious to constitute a threat or ruin the mood, but you’re not in the mood to make this painful. He’s already precarious enough when it comes to Christmas as is. “You’re no fun.”

----

Baking cookies has never taken you this long in your life. You’re sure that you were a better cookie assistant when you were a toddler than Billy and Stu were today, but you don’t mind. 

You had to take a quick shower while the cookies were in the oven because there was no other way to get all of that flour off. Stu did the same once you got out of the bathroom. Though, according to Stu and his never ending jokes and little comments, the truly practical thing would have been to shower together.

But now you’re dry and clean and Stu finally put on the shirt you stuck in the wash back on, you’re all left with a tiny army of gingerbread men. Yours are decorated a little cliche, gum drop buttons and crooked frosting smiles. Stu took creative liberties in the making of his thanks to help from the red food coloring he found in the back of the kitchen cabinet. Billy’s was surprisingly the neatest but was only decorated as an average guy in order to be a victim to Stu’s axe wielding gingerbread man. 

You rolled your eyes, but the amount of background and voices that went into the production of the mini massacre that only spared your cookies was funny.

"So, sugarplum.” The nickname forces your nose to wrinkle and you fight a laugh the same way a parent who doesn’t want to encourage bad behavior in a toddler would. That much affirmation could lead to sugarplum joining the already lengthy lineup of pet names Stu rotates through on a regular basis. “What’s your heart’s Christmas wish?” 

Okay--you’re not made of stone. A laugh that’s a little too loud slips out. “You don’t need to be that cheesy, all I did was get you to bake cookies.”

Stu forces out a mock gasp, eyes flitting towards Billy. “Can you believe her?” 

“I can’t believe you used ‘sugarplum’ and ‘Christmas wish’ in the same sentence.” Billy lifts his head up from the couch long enough for you to catch his slight smile. You laugh again, a little more comfortably. 

“Yeah, yeah, gang up on me,” Stu says this like he has never been this tired or this victimized in his life. He moves to sit on the couch, taking a second to comfortably adjust before patting his thigh. “If I get one of those hats will you sit on my lap and tell me what you want?” 

You roll your eyes, fighting against the burning sensation in your face. “Yeah,” flopping onto the couch at what you consider a safe distance, you continue, “And then if I’m lucky you’ll put me on the nice list.” 

“There’s an easy way to g--” He’s cut off by a pillow hitting the edge of his chin before smacking against his chest and landing on his lap. Stu gasps with an over the top level of offense. “What? I was going to say all you had to do was get me another cookie from the kitchen.” 

It’s blatant bullshit. “Mhm,” you cross your arms, settling on your spot, “I’m sure.” 

“Cross my heart.” He makes a point of tracing the ‘X’ motion over his chest. “I’m easily pleased.” 

Billy gently kicks his foot against Stu’s. “Since when?” 

“Since always.” Stu sits up, turning his full attention back to you. “But seriously, princess, what do you want for Christmas?” 

The question makes you feel awkward despite it’s casualness. “Um...” Every time people ask it, your mind instantly wipes and you can’t think of anything you’ve ever desired or needed. Besides, gift buying is inherently awkward when it’s talked about. “Nothing really, as of right now, I guess.” 

Stu practically whines like your response is a seriously, deeply personal issue. “Don’t pretend, it just makes Christmas shopping harder.” 

“You don’t have to get me anything.” 

“Like I’m not getting my best girl anything.” 

Sitting up a little further, you’re not sure what you to say to that. Sometimes Stu’s joking flirting is a little hard to laugh about when it’s that blatant. “You guys should help me put up some lights in my room. Last year I almost broke the curtain rod so now I’m banned from doing it alone.” 

You stand before any further comment can be made, fully aware of how transparent and flimsy the transition feels, but you can’t bring yourself to care. You’d much rather be playing with colored lights as Stu gets too comfortable climbing up stepping stools and furniture than having whatever that conversation would have been. 

[twilightmalachite]

Christmas Live - Prologue

Author: Akira

Characters: Yuzuru, Anzu

Translator: Mika Enstars

JP Proofer: 310mc

EN Proofer: ryuseipuka

"Hm, “meow ♪”? Is that your impression of a cat?"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Yumenosaki Corridors

Yuzuru: …Sigh. I’m sorry, could you please repeat yourself?

Oh, no, it’s not that I couldn’t hear you the first time. I don’t mean to guilt you, but could you please speak a little more clearly?

I’m here to prioritize assessing the situation correctly, rather than to criticize you. …What has happened, are you crying?

You’ll have to excuse me, I cannot take your feelings into consideration at this time.

I’m terribly sorry, but, please do tell me what led up to this. I’ll handle it from here on.

Hm. What an inconvenience; I thought you had assured me you would have that matter taken care of.

If that comes to a stop, then this entire thing will come to a standstill.

What trouble. Biting off more than you can chew only reveals your inadequacy.

You should prove your usefulness not with your words, but with your actions, and your results.

Yes. Do not worry, allow me to take care of it. You should give your face a quick rinse.

I’ll contact you again later, so… Alright, do excuse me.

… …

Yuzuru: …How vulgar.[1] Well, I can understand how he feels.

Oya, Anzu-san. It’s not in very good taste to eavesdrop, you know.

No, there isn’t any serious trouble. No need for the producer to go through the hassle of interfering.

You’re busy with your own business after all, are you not?

Fufu. It is indeed December, the end of the year.

Soon it will be Christmas… The academy has plans to hold the large-scale event we know as StarFes.

And as expected, the student council appears to be short on hands, and I have been requested to assist with preparations.

I do not wish to be so meddlesome…

However, the student council is one of the young master’s places to be. It is my duty as a butler to support him, as well.

Furthermore, the results I achieve will also affect the young master’s evaluation.

And so, I am doing the best to my ability. I am having quite the tough time, though….

It’s one issue after another, you see, and I’m extremely busy. I’d welcome even the help of a cat.[2]

Hm, “meow ♪”? Is that your impression of a cat?

You act quite unusually sometimes, don’t you, Anzu-san. Regardless, as I’ve said… I’m sure that you have your own work to complete.

So please, prioritize that.

I understand exactly how you feel. Labor is a blessing—No, it is life itself. It devastates me to have to take a break for the New Year holiday season.

Fufu. That being said, it is a season where you can easily fall sick… Please take care of yourself, Anzu-san.

I do not have the time for a long conversation now, so do excuse me.

Oh. I’m sorry, but please do not tug at the hem of my uniform. You resemble a lost child. What can I do for you?

Hm. So… It’s a rare occurrence, but you truly are free today, Anzu-san?

Nobody will give you any work, because they’re all concerned about you? Well, you have been working a lot, Anzu-san… It wouldn’t be good if you were to collapse from overexertion.

Make good use of everyone’s concern for you, and please rest. How about finding a hobby, or joining a club?

That is what I do on my days off, too.

I strengthen my mind with the archery club, and do careful and meticulous cleaning around the mansion I normally am not able to get to…

Do you have any hobbies, Anzu-san?

Hm. You still insist on some kind of work? “Please don’t reduce my hours, boss!”…? Fufu, that’s a very funny joke. ♪

As you wish. I just can’t say no when I’m pleaded to so lovingly like that.

Hm… May I ask you to do a bit of shopping for me, then?

An errand. Basically; there are some trivial things I need.

The quantity doesn’t justify ordering from a vendor and getting it delivered, but it is a hassle to do the shopping oneself.

It would be a massive help if you could do this errand for me, Anzu-san.

Just a moment, please. Allow me to make a list of the items we need purchased. Correction fluid, a Bible, chocolate bonbons… Hm, what is it?

You’d like me to draw you a picture? No need to be so mean; you know that I possess no artistic talent.

Umm, well then… A turkey, then, a Christmas tradition.

The turkey’s saying, “Thank you for doing the shopping, Anzu-chan! ♪” How’s this?

Fufu. I am glad that you like it.

Thank you very much. I had been overwhelmed with busyness up until some moments ago, but…

I feel somewhat more at peace now. Thanks to you, Anzu-san. ♪

Anyhow. For this upcoming year’s end…

Let us end it meaningfully, and without any regrets. Although I’m sure you know that well, Anzu-san…

Ah, right, yes… The items I need for this errand aren’t ones necessarily needed right away.

So please do take your time strolling around town as you shop.

It is a delight simply to wander around with all the beautiful lights put up everywhere. …It’s a tad early, but nevertheless, Merry Christmas. ♪

[ ☆ ]

story directory | next →

The word here used is zokubutsu (俗物), the same word Shu often uses to describe Mika (and sometimes other people as well).

A japanese idiom, neko no te mo karitai (猫の手も借りたい) used to describe extreme business. Translated literally here so Anzu’s cute way of offering to help makes sense!

[cilly-the-writer]

anyway, let's make wip playlist powerpoints a thing

Transcription and song links below cut:

Right Now by Confetti

"Airbrush, airbrush, my life be like airbrush / Even when the world is the worst / Too much, too much, people complain too much / Hate me but that's not my concern"

• some dance vibes for [REDACTED]

• they are having a blast

• magic is fun

Blood // Water by Grandson

"We'll never get free / Lamb to the slaughter / What you gon' do when there's blood in the water?"

"I am the people / I am the storm / I am the riot / I am the swarm / When the last tree's fallen the animal can't hide / Money won't solve it / What's your alibi?"

• clearly, some shit will be going down

Heathens by 21 Pilots

"You'll think, 'How'd I get here, sitting next to you?' / But after all I've said, please don't forget / All my friends are heathens, take it slow / Wait for them to ask you who you know"

"We don't deal with outsiders very well / They say newcomers have a certain smell / You have trust issues, not to mention / They say they can smell your intentions"

• we are not going to like the heathens

Vortex by Jaws

"But I'mma win this silly game / Until then, I will never leave"

“Back to me / I know you can track it back to me”

• the one who wants to “win this silly game” is [REDACTED]

• song also fits Clemens, Isaac, and Levina

disclaimer: this song is an intro song for the show Link Click and i’ve never actually watched it, but this song is fire

Dernière Danse by Indila

"I stir the sky, the day, the night / I dance with the wind, the rain"

"In this sweet torment / whose offenses I've paid in full / Listen to how great my heart is"

• the series vibes in general, actually

• because, you know, magic rain and lightning/electricity powers and also the recurring storms motif

• also really fits Clemens and Levina and [TWO OTHER REDACTED CHARACTERS]

disclaimer: I don’t know French, so the lyrics shown are actually translated ones I found

The Family Jewels by Marina and the Diamonds

"Ooh, don't you find it strange? / Only thing we share is one last name"

"Oh, you think I'm unfit / Little did you know that I was cut for it / No glass slipper will ever fit / 'Cause I could never see a diamond in it"

•fits [TWO REDACTED CHARACTERS]

•Obviously they had bad family figures

(WATCH THEM GLOW UP NOW, TRASH FAM)

Put Your Hands Up by Matchbox Twenty

"Your life is full, of hard days / You try to hold it down but it's more than you can take / Those flashing lights, they shine down / It's hard as hell to try to keep your head in this town"

•Primarily fits [REDACTED]

•the dance vibes combined with struggle vibes are accurate

•“those flashing lights” will refer to bright magic lights and magic lightning because i say so

[voiceoutofstars]

Revising the HSR Data Bank for Readability: An Idle Side-Project

This is a masterlist post for a little side-project I've been thinking about--fan-edited versions of Star Rail lore text that have been (amateurishly) revised for (slightly better?) readability. See the lengthy note below for a full explanation of my intentions and complete lack of qualifications for this pet project.

(Edit: the important disclaimers below were originally included in my first post on this topic, which shared my revision of the "Band of Sizzling Thunder" relic sets. Because I enjoyed the exercise, I wanted to do at least a few more of these, but since they all really should have massive disclaimers attached to them I thought I'd just stick them together in a masterlist and link to/from here where needed. Sorry if you're seeing this pop up repetitively. I'm bad at Tumblr.)

Band of Sizzling Thunder

Champion of Streetwise Boxing

Eagle of the Twilight Line

Firesmith of Lava-Forging

Genius of Brilliant Stars

Guard of Wuthering Snow

Hunter of the Glacial Forest

Iron Cavalry Against the Scourge

Knight of Purity Palace

This is something quite different for this blog, and I feel like it needs some explanation, as well as a few important disclaimers.

Honkai Star Rail is, in my opinion, an extraordinarily well-written game. It is also comparatively–again, in my opinion–an impressively well-translated game. ‘Comparatively’ is the operative word here; so many game companies don’t take nearly the time and the care to secure immersive experiences for audiences playing in languages outside the company’s own primary one.

Despite miHoYo’s comparatively immersive translations, there’s still a lot of room for improvement–especially in the massive amount of text-only lore buried in the various codices Honkai Star Rail has. Some of this stuff–Data Bank entries, readable collectables, etc.–can be really hard to follow and enjoy in English. Vocabulary is often imprecise. Simple topics that (in my opinion, at least) are intended to be clearly understood are obfuscated by weird stilted grammar and phrasing. These issues really stand out to me while I’m dabbling with my Data Bank narrations. Sometimes it takes me quite a while to piece together what the heck a sentence is trying to say, much less what it means for the grander universe of Star Rail, and that's a pity.

So, what I’m doing in these posts is attempting to revise these entries--to reorganize them into smoother, clearer versions of themselves by fixing issues of vocabulary and mechanics. I am not re-translating. I cannot read any language but English, to my shame; I am only playing with a lovingly crafted fragment of a beautifully built world and trying to rub it a bit cleaner and brighter with my own meager, monolinguistic perspective.

My toyed-with versions don’t--cannot--solve the problems these entries have with imprecision and unclear intended meaning, because I'm not an authority on the original Chinese text and its intentions, or on Star Rail or Honkai series lore. What may seem to be clarifications in my revisions are truthfully just bluster–I’m arranging the words into shapes that make the most sense to me, but the conclusions I draw are my own, are not canon, and honestly are not always conscious on my part. It would not be wise to assume anything below is accurate to the cosmos of Star Rail. I will take care to link the authentic in-game text in any posts of this nature that I make.

And finally, boy oh boy am I not a professional anything about this. This is a thing for fun and for joy, because I just really like Star Rail–and if you’ve got tips, tricks, thoughts or feelings, advice or ideas or revisions of your own, I’d be delighted to learn from you.

[lycanbucky]

yeah dude the way caesar reacted to your ask seemed excessively defensive. i think that on some level there should be an expectation/responsibility for compassion when we are posting about violence like animal cruelty online (even as a meme), at least on blogs where it is not something you would reasonably expect to see. and i guess it is his choice not to, but it is definitely not ridiculous of you to ask. he said its your job to create your own experience, but if everybody randomly posted animal violence and then got angry would somebody asked for it to be tagged, then that would be impossible. his own logic relies on the (correct) premise that other people are less of an asshole than him.

Exactly! I absolutely agree that we need to create an online environment that’s safe for ourselves and our personal needs, and to expect some amount of deviation outside of our comfort zone.

But using tags is rendered completely useless if even one person refuses to use those tags, especially for commonly upsetting or triggering content. And like you said, in cases where it’s not something we’re expecting to see. So if I’m the one responsible for curating my online experience, but I’m not being given the context to do so, somehow I’m the one at fault for asking for the proper filters. Ok. 😂 I understand that we have no way of predicting what will upset those around us, but a certain amount of empathy and understanding is needed if we’re going to get anywhere in life. It costs nothing to be kind, and to instead react with purposeful and inflammatory misinterpretations (to the point of negatively impacting their own well-being, it looks like), says a lot more about them than it does about me. Plus, they literally told me to block them, since they would be refusing to use tags. So I did. And apparently that was an issue, too, lol.

It’s just wild to see how far they’re going to misinterpret what I wrote, and to project their clearly significant issues onto my words. I made a request, and was denied, so I followed their suggestion and blocked them while acknowledging that I wouldn’t be getting that kindness from them. And somehow that translates to (and I quote, because I just checked and they’re STILL going on about this, lmao), “framing them as a huge piece of shit,” “lashing out,” and “harassing them to all hell.”

Like, my post is right there. All I said was, “I clearly won’t get any compassion here, so I’m peacing out, and I hope nobody treats you in this way when you’re upset and need kindness.” And they’re making post after post about it, talking about how I’m accusing them of being a horrible person, how I’m in an echo chamber of entitlement, etc.

I don’t know who they are or what they’re going through, but they’re clearly in a rough place if they feel the need to latch on this strongly to a simple request and unfollow. They made the choice not to use the tag, so I acknowledged that and blocked them, yet they’re the one creating a whole ruckus about it. They didn’t have to post it publicly, but I guess they needed the validation. Who knows.

Thank you for your support in this, though! It’s been a while since I’ve been caught up in any internet drama, so I guess it means I’m managing to surround myself with kind-hearted people outside of this. 😊

[rosy-fox-art]

i def agree with what you said about how the fandom handles heart's blindness so thank you for calling it out before it got worse. i feel that it would make more sense if he put the blindfold on himself, like how other ppl in the tags on your post said.

another thing that ive noticed is how heart is sometimes infantilized and seen as someone who can "do no harm" which is... strange to say the least. i think ppl forget that he is a personification of a grown man's emotions and depression (sorry for wording it like that lol i didn't know how else to say it)

Hi! Thank you . I was honestly really worried to post about it, so I’m glad to see people so receptive to it so far in a positive light. I’ve been reading the tags very diligently ^^~

As for victimizing heart or ‘ saying he can do no wrong’ and infantilization… yeah I can see this as another issue that’s starting to sprout up, and some people in the tags of that previous post have mentioned it as well. And while I know that’s not everybody and I figure that is also another case where people don’t really intend to do it and just aren’t thinking about it, that doesn’t really erase the problem. This applies mostly to people depicting heart as childish, not being able to handle himself, being idiotic, victimizing and woobifying him etc. So, I really hope you don’t mind me using this as a chance to talk about that a bit, too.

Being over emotional does not, at all, translate to any of the traits I just listed out in the slightest. Sure, heart may be a little naive and impulsive as per his nature, but that is not the same. You are absolutely right to point out that heart an adult here, too. And at the end of the day the album seems to make it very clear that Heart and Mind are not all that unlike each other, but are unwilling to admit their similarities and highlight and judge their differences heavily. Heart is just as harmful and violent as mind, just in a different way. He has the propensity to be just as cunning or manipulative as Mind, too. Even his tactic of victimizing himself is a show of this, and Mind points this out several times in the album. They are two sides of the same coin. There is a large difference between Heart victimizing himself and actually being the victim, which he is not. Or at least, he is not completely blameless for the hole that he has dug for himself. When people show heart as being the victim or as doing no wrong, a lot of the nuance is completely lost.

Secondly, the internet and fan spaces have a bad habit of infantilizing people with mental illness, in general. Depression does not make someone soft and cute because they’re sad all the time. Depression does not make someone an uwu bean. Depression makes someone — as we can very clearly see by how Heart is within the cannon itself— a wreckage of rage and disdain that struggles to crawl out of a spiral of misery and apathy. It’s not pretty. When you boil it down to all of the things I’ve mentioned as being a problem here— that’s infantilization. This is also a big problem when it comes to disabled characters (Because people jump to the conclusion that the character cannot do much for themselves because of the disability, do not understand how disabled people actually advocate for themselves and function day to day from lack of experience or exposure to disabled people, want to depict them as incapable, etc). So, the fact that Heart is both of these things creates a ripe mess. This is kind of why I’m hoping to make some less angry, more informational post about some of the things blind people use to function just like other people here, sometime. Because the lack of these things in itself may lend into the infantilization problem. Being able to do things— having agency and independence over oneself— is a large part of breaking away from that. And I think it says a Lot that you rarely see this happen with Mind or Soul, as well.

So sorry if this came off at all angry, but I’m very passionate about it as someone whose experienced infantilization in my life from other people assuming things about me solely based on my disability. So, if I can say something to stop people from perpetuating it in fan content then I will. 👉🏻👈🏻. At any rate, thank you for the ask! I’m sure there’s a typo or two in here. So so sorry for that!

[cozy-possum]

Listen the concept of space travel forcing you to see what you’ve repressed or your own death is just too good

@aquitainequeen Thank you for making me think too much about this, ft my own space/future themed oc’s

Support Me?

“It takes the worst of you. It takes what you’d beg to forget.” He doesn’t look past the group of his crew huddled around the new technology the commander had dropped onto the ship.

“BioRobotics said you needed one of these for traveling.” He gestures to the small figure that everyone is crowded around.

“Ree M. Oate.” The figure, clearly a robot buzzes out. He can see the way the antennae pass a spark between them, purely an aesthetic choice.

“A language translator?” One of the crew laughs a little.

“Repurposed, one of the old models, therapy-bot now, well the closest you’ll be getting for your first few trips; the more you travel the better Bio-technology they give you.”

“That’s grim.”

“You learn to live with it; or you deserve it.” The man doesn’t smile, just patting the robot on its head. It beeps at him and he nods.

Nobody thinks twice of jumping anymore. Everyone does it; it’s too fast, too streamlined not to do it. The new robot is the only addition, the only strange thing in the usual travels.

“Okay Ree; why are you here? We’ve jumped before.”

“Longer jump means more issues.”

“Like motion sickness?” One laughs, they all remember when Rian had thrown up and spent two days huddled in bed after their first jump.

“Or panic?” Siv asks, nodding to Vivnia; she’d been screaming and crying after her first jump.

“Both can be symptoms; I’m for reassurance after.” Ree chirps and everyone nods, slowly preparing the ship to take off, slowly forgetting Ree is there. They don’t jump right away, it was common courtesy to wait until you were far enough out to now have wake when you jumped.

There’s a soft pulsing sound; a heartbeat. Everyone’s looking around, it's dark, a dull shimmer moving around the windows of the ship, it ripples like oil and before anyone can speak they just hear screaming.

Everyone knows how Vivnia sounds when she screams; but the sound from her mouth isn’t that, it’s almost a coughing, as if she can’t breathe. Her chest is moving, she’s not choking but the way her eyes are unfocused, the way her hands dig into her legs as she pulls them close to herself, everyone knows what she is seeing. When they look up to the windows, there is Vinia, bleeding, her throat torn open and her eyes gone. Nothing but a soft smile on her face, the only one she graces that smile to is Rian.

Ree is standing next to her when the jump ends.

“I see why we get better technology when we jump more.” Rian lets Ree comfort Vivnia. She does the same for him when they make the return jump.

Rian expects to see his death, he expects the crew to see it. Instead the dread that crawls up his stomach is the same that made him vomit on the first jump he did.

His father, fingers around his arm, draggin him through a dark hallway.

“If they ask you’re Rian. You’re not Riven. You’re Rian. Understand? The least you can do for this family is be something worthwhile.”

His father’s hand crushes his shoulder and he knows not to cry out. The medic that watches him scowls but doesn’t say anything, no one ever does.

“Name?” The commander standing in front of him asks, they’re both too young to talk about this.

Ree follows everyone, she keeps tabs, lets others know when they need physical comfort, flesh on flesh, when the others need space, when they need to be locked in somewhere small, when they need food, when they need things taken away. Ree knows all their needs and follows her job perfectly. Everyone is soaking in the horror of their deaths, of these memories that they would never speak of. It becomes normal, until they realize the commander will be the subject of the next jump.

The oil that shimmers is back, it always is before a bad jump, before everyone sees what the crew have tried so hard to repress. The commander, like everytime they jump, is standing facing the window, scowling slightly.

A letter torn in half is on the floor. There are water stains on it. There is a shaky hand reaching for it, everyone recognises the scar over the thumb. Everyone recognises the old royal seal.

Nobody knows how to decipher the child's writing.

Support Me?

[jewwyfeesh]

Recollections And Heartfelt Wishes 4

Writer: Mitsuki

Character(s): Oogami Koga, Kiryu Kuro, Nito Nazuna, Otogari Adonis, Mashiro Tomoya

Translated by: stcrfeesh

CN/EN Proof by: jewwyfeesh

Nazuna: You don’t wanna scare the kids away, right? Why don’t you try dressing up as a mascot?

Season: Summer Location: Amusement Park Stage

Koga: Whew… Playin’ the entire mornin’s pretty tiring too, huh. I mean, I’m not hungry, since I bought snacks while I was at it. I just need to look for a place to rest, that’s all.

Adonis: Hm. This place sells quality meat, I could already smell the fragrance from a mile away. I couldn’t help but want to try them all…

All the rides here are pretty interesting too. Whether it’s an adult or a child, anyone would enjoy it.

Oogami, thanks for inviting me here today.

Koga: Man, what are you even thankin’ me for~ ‘Sides, Kiryu-senpai gave me these tickets, and I don’t wanna be ungrateful, so let’s have some fun today, a’ight?

Lemme take a look at the map… right now, we’re probably near the stage area. There clearly ain’t any performances goin’ on up there, but a bunch of people are all gathered ‘round.

Adonis: Really…? But there’s nothing on the brochure about any performances being held at this time either. Could there be a different event?

Nazuna: …… ♪

Adonis: Huh? That guy below the stage distributing flyers to people, isn’t that Nito-senpai?

There’s a group of kids playing with the mascot next to him too. They seem like they’re having fun.

Koga: Well, no shit… We should probably go there and greet senpai, but it looks like that guy’s busy. He might not have the time to entertain us.…?

Why’s that mascot walking towards us? Could it be that someone else from Ra*bits is wearin’ that mascot?

Adonis: Based on the height of that thing, I wouldn’t say it could be…

Kuro: Phew… I could finally take a breather… this thing’s pretty hot to be in if you wear it for too long.

Oh, Oogami, Otogari, are the both of you havin’ fun?

Adonis: Kiryu-senpai…?

Koga: Huh… I already guessed that you’d probably show up today, but I didn’t think you’d show up like this, in a mascot… I think it’s a fresh look on you.

Kuro: Haha, ya think so? To be honest, I never thought that I’d be dressin’ up as a mascot at an amusement park either.

[An hour ago.]

Nazuna: Kuro-chin! Thanks for watching us perform today! I immediately spotted you from the crowd earlier, you know~

Kuro: Haha, you guys did great today, Nito. Who knew it would suit Ra*bits to perform at an amusement park? The atmosphere instantly became lively, even.

Nazuna: Well, we did practise for hours so we could do well on this gig. Just being able to see everyone with the biggest smiles on their faces, is already the best reward we could receive ♪

Tomoya: Nii~chan! Uhm, uh… could I talk to you about something for a sec?

So, you see, when I went to meet with the amusement park’s staff earlier, they asked us for an extension with promoting the special event they’ll be hosting this Summer since our performance earlier garnered a good response from the audience, and all.

The thing is, Hajime and Mitsuru won’t be able to stay any longer since they still have work scheduled for later. I was sceptical about accepting the job, cause what if it would be too much for just you and me to handle…

Nazuna: Hm… This side of the park is much more crowded compared to anywhere else, so it might not be doable if it’s just us both…

Though, this could also be a great opportunity to promote Ra*bits… We also attracted a bunch of people that could be potential fans during our performance earlier. If this is the case, then it would be better to go with the flow of things.

It might be difficult, yeah, but if we give it our all—

Kuro: Ah, I more or less understand your predicament. Your issue here is that you lack manpower. Let me help you out, then.

Nazuna: Huh? No way! How could I possibly make you do that? I invited you here to have fun, not get you to work with me!

Kuro: You don’t have to worry about that. I could visit the amusement park anytime if I wanted to. What isn’t acceptable is turnin’ a blind eye to a friend who’s clearly in need.

Nazuna: Well, if you say so… thanks, Kuro-chin! Uhuu, I really don’t know how else to properly thank you…!

Kuro: Haha, ‘sno problem. Anyways, why don’t ya tell me what needs to be done?

Tomoya: I already talked things through with the staff, would you mind if we did things like this?

Kiryu-senpai, you and I would be stationed at the opposite ends of the plaza distributing balloons, and then Nii~chan who’s got more experience with this will handle the distribution of flyers and answer any follow-up questions the people might have about the event.

Kuro: A’ight, roger that. Don’t worry, I’ve got this.

Nazuna: Everything’s settled, then! Let’s do our best, everyone ♪

Kuro: (Usin’ balloons for promotion… that does make sense. After all, kids would probably prefer cute things like these over a flyer.)

(If that’s the case, then it shouldn’t be a problem to strike up a conversation first, would it?)

Hey there, bud. This blue balloon’s for ya, I hope you have lots of fun today.

…Oi, don’t run backwards! You might… fall…

……

Nazuna: Kuro-chin, you don’t seem to be into this… Don’t force yourself, okay?

Kuro: …Sorry, Nito. I don’t think ‘m suitable for this type of job after all…

I really tried my best to put on the kindest smile I could muster, but in the end, no one wanted a balloon from me… Hell, I even scared a kid to tears.

His parents assured me and said t’was all good, but I still couldn’t help but feel awful.

Nazuna: No, no, you don’t have to feel bad, you did nothing wrong. It’s actually my fault for not thinking things through…

(No, I won’t have it! I can’t let Kuro-chin leave here with a bad memory! He’s the kindest, most gentle guy I know… how can I make everyone else see that…?)

…I’ve got it! We could try that!

You don’t wanna scare the kids away, right? Why don’t you try dressing up as a mascot?

Kuro: So that’s how I ended up lookin’ like this.

A’ight, I should probably go back to help ‘em out. It’s still quite early, you guys should go around and enjoy the park.

Adonis: Are you really going to be alright, Kiryu-senpai? You’ve barely even rested.

Kuro: Haha, don’t underestimate my strength, buddy. This thing’s got nothin’ on the intense trainin’ I always do.

Though, I dunno what’s goin’ on Mashiro’s end, he seems to have more balloons left to give away. I’ll try to check up on him and help him out in a bit.

Koga: Oi! If it’s manpower you need, then you already should’ve just said so! I literally have nothin’ else to do!

Promotin’ shit’s a piece of cake to me! Either way, me just acceptin’ those tickets from ya, ain’t sittin’ right with me.

Adonis: Oogami’s right. Many hands do make light work, after all. Besides, I want to help senpai out too, so please leave this to me.

Kuro: Haha, you guys are pretty insistent, huh. Well, if you guys really insist, follow me.

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