#and then idk someone tries to stab him or something and i dramatically die instead

[faerociousbeast]

i need to do it so fucking bad nobody understands me

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 296: Ngl, This One Pissed Me Off

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all, “p.s. I actually activated yet another quirk several chapters ago when Kacchan got stabbed.” Compress was all, “[gets captured and passes out].” Spinner was all “[rifles through Tomura’s pockets and slaps a random Charbroiled Hand onto his friend’s unconscious face].” Tomura was all, “SOMEHOW THAT ACTUALLY WORKED” and woke up again, except it wasn’t really him, it was everyone’s favorite Final Villain, AFO. AFO was all, “time to escape finally” and summoned a bunch of Noumu and Absconded with Spinner and the DabiMarble in tow. Skeptic was all, “Horikoshi forgot I existed, but I’m actually Absconding in marble-form as well.” Deku was all, “ATTENTION WORLD, I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT I OFFICIALLY WANT TO SAVE SHIGARAKI TOMURA.” And then the arc just sort of ended lol.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all, “but when you think about it, do we really need literally any female teachers at U.A. at all?” and for whatever reason doesn’t stop to wait for an answer. Midnight, who absolutely did not need to die, Dies, and I’m pissed about it. Ochako wanders the ruins of Jakku for what feels like hours, rescuing small children while her adult hero compatriots fall to pieces around her, because apparently the U.A. kids really are the only people who have their shit together. The citizens of Japan are all “damn that’s wild, wonder how fucked we are now,” but are actually super casual and chill about it which is oddly realistic. The chapter ends with AFO in Tartarus being all “lol time for the prison break arc,” without giving us so much as a chance to catch our breath, like holy shit. Are we on the clock or something now, goddamn.

lmao it’s like 7pm on a Sunday night and this is out already. this is like the worst possible timing lol. there goes my nice, relaxed evening. unless of course this turns out to be a nice, restful, soothing chapter, as chapters coming on the heels of traumatic, earth-shattering battles so often are. yeah, break out the Pina Colada song and the little drink umbrellas, I got a good feeling about this one

(ETA: I mean, I was obviously being sarcastic here but damn, Horikoshi.)

-- fff why did I laugh

it’s the crumbling city ruins in the background that really does it, I think. JUST LOOK AT THIS MESS THAT YOU HAVE MADE, EVERYONE. FOR SHAME

also, the title is dramatic af and I am so fucking excited you guys, like holy shit. BnHA’s In-Between arcs have always been my favorite part of the series, because it’s when all the character development and angst and/or catharsis happens. just, those little breathing spaces in between the action when everyone gathers to recuperate and compartmentalize their fresh new traumas lmao. bring on that angst!! but also, let’s please have some Comfort to offset all of this Hurt too, please and thanks

blah blah blah so the survivors were evacuated, good good, can you actually show us though?

AHHHHHHH

PIXIE BOB SURVIVED!!!! WASH IS STILL ALIVE LMAO HOW. THIRTEEN’S FACE, OMG SHOULD I LOOK AWAY. IS IT LIKE MANDALORIAN RULES. IDK HOW IT WORKS

HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY ALIVE. LOLS ANYWAY I’M HERE FOR IT. FEEL FREE NOT TO KILL ANYONE ELSE HERE HORIKOSHI, I THINK WE’RE GOOD

(ETA: it’s like talking to a brick wall.)

oh my god do we really need exposition about how the heroes tried to stop TomurAFO from escaping and OF COURSE failed completely because they suck lmao. oh my god I am shocked, that is such shocking news

wow they only managed to defeat three of the Noumus. holy shit. again, all of the Not-Kid Heroes are only slightly more useful than cardboard cutouts of heroes at this point, MORE AT ELEVEN

so Tomura may have lost the PLF, but he still more or less has an army then, huh. I really don’t know how anyone could expect a timeskip with that threat looming over everyone’s heads

oh nvm lol there are only seven Noumus left. wait so you’re telling me there were only ten Nearly High Ends in that last chapter?? felt more like fifty but whatever lol I’ll take your word for it

COMPRESS YAY YOU’RE ALIVE TOO

MAYBE THEY CAN EVEN REATTACH HIS ASS. I’M SERIOUS LOL, BECAUSE HE STILL HAS IT, DOESN’T HE? OR IF NOT, THEY CAN REBUILD HIM WITH A PROSTHETIC ASS. he’ll be more powerful than ever

WHAAAAAAT YEAH BOIIIII

WOOO, EDGESHOT, WOOOOO. THAT’S HIS WAY OF THE NINJA

YEAHHHHH SUCK IT, PLF

(ETA: for the record I don’t think Cementoss is dead here, just badly wounded. if he had died he would have been included in the forthcoming In Memoriam page along with the others.)

GET BENT LOL. TRUMPET I FOR REAL FORGOT YOU EVEN EXISTED. I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOU LOSERS AGAIN PLEASE. ONLY INTERESTING CHARACTERS MAY PROCEED PAST THIS POINT

dsflksaldkh;l

that’s... holy shit. that’s a bigass mansion, that’s what that is. also so does this mean there are still eighty thousand PLF members still at large, because that’s a plot line I very much do not care about in any way whatsoever lol. can’t we just retcon to say that Re-Destro was exaggerating? I mean hell, a CEO criminal pulling some Enron-type bullshit is pretty believable, isn’t it? those poor bamboozled shareholders

“makeste, here’s an idea, what if you scrolled down to read the rest of the page” lol gtfo of here with your logic and your sense

well those 132 people have made it onto my enemies list, but at least it sounds like they more or less took care of the rest. good riddance

and Toga escaped, as we knew already, and is now on the lam. hopefully she reunites with the League again at some point. although her doing her own thing could also be very interesting. idk what I want lol

anyway so there’s another big panel showing how fucked up the city is, just in case it hadn’t already been hammered into our skulls yet. there’s a car dangling off a roof somehow. how does that even happen. did Machia pick it up and put it there or

NOOO OMG RANDOM SMALL CHILDREN IN PERIL WHAT IS THIS

OCHAKO PLEASE SAVE THEM OMG

“if it falls on me, I want you to have my Endeavor pouch” OH MY STARS. HIS MOST PRECIOUS POSSESSION. NO MY CHILD YOU CAN’T GIVE UP HOPE YET

LMAO

“FOR THE LAST TIME NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR DUSTY-ASS POUCH, KYLE” fffff these children are dying and I am cracking up so hard my eyes are tearing up what is wrong with me

YAY THEY SAVED THEM

but listen. not that I don’t love seeing the girls kick ass, because you know I do. but I also really, REALLY need to know what’s going down with the Musketeers, and I’m not looking forward to waiting three whole weeks for that so please Horikoshi. please hurry this along so we can get to them

goddamn it Tsuyu is saying she’ll take the boy to the shelter to get first aid, and I was all “okay great because that’s probably where Kacchan and the others are too”, but now someone else is shouting for help and Ochako’s all “I’ll go” and it’s like OKAY BUT PLEASE? this chapter is already more than half over omfg. ‘bout to start wringing some hands here

oh my god

is this Toga again??? WHAT THE HELL, THIS CREEPYASS HALF-DEAD DUDE BETTER BE LEADING UP TO SOMETHING INTERESTING, I AM REALLY GETTING IMPATIENT

OR, I GUESS, WE COULD DO THIS INSTEAD

“SO AS IT TURNS OUT, NOT EVERY CHARACTER WHO NEEDS HELP SAVING THEIR SPOUSE FROM FALLEN RUBBLE IS ACTUALLY TOGA IN DISGUISE” HUH, OKAY. DULY NOTED. FILED AWAY FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

but fucking... okay, look. I love Ochako, I do. but I like her a whole lot more when she’s interacting with other characters I actually care about, as opposed to running around in the rubble rescuing random people while the fate of my other children is still up in the air. like okay, I get it, shit’s bad, now if you don’t mind we really don’t have to spend all day here though

...anyways but nope, we’re still staying with her. she’s bouncing around rescuing all of these other people. omg. I literally have no patience here at all and it’s terrible, I know, but oh my god

omg finally something interesting is happening!!

look at that, an adult hero standing around being useless while the kids are busy getting shit done. why is this becoming a recurring theme

MY DUDE, THIS IS SERIOUSLY NOT THE TIME THOUGH

I GET THAT IT’S OVERWHELMING AND THAT YOU’RE TRAUMATIZED AND SHIT, BUT GUESS WHAT, SO IS EVERYONE ELSE. THAT’S WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR. JUST LOOK AT OCHAKO! SHE’S SO EXHAUSTED HER HAIR HAS EVEN LOST ITS FLOOF, AND YET SHE’S STILL OUT HERE DOING HER BEST. ONE SAVE AT A TIME MY MAN. GET IT DONE. LITERALLY A SMALL CHILD IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT CALLING FOR THEIR MOMMY AND YOU’RE JUST STANDING THERE ALL “WAHH IT’S TOO MUCH” LIKE COULD YOU PLEASE POSTPONE YOUR CRISIS UNTIL AFTER YOU SAVE THEM PLEASE

OH MY GOD

MAYBE YOU SHOULD!! oh my god I really cannot, like wow. oh no I actually have to save people and do my job, god forbid. jesus christ, at least the other heroes tried. but Moping Hero: Bellyache here is just throwing in the towel and fuck everyone who still needs his help I guess. you are like the anti-Deku my dude

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO OH FUCK

THAT’S MIDNIGHT’S HAND OH FU -- SHE BETTER NOT -- HORIKOSHI I SWEAR TO GOD --

I’M GONNA LOSE IT I REALLY AM!!!!

HOLY SHIT HOW INTENSE OF A RAGE DO I NEED TO BRACE MYSELF TO BE FEELING HERE. THIS CHAPTER WAS ALREADY TRENDING TOWARDS DISAPPOINTMENT, DO WE REALLY NEED TO GO AND COMPOUND THAT

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

you’re telling me Tomura wasn’t brought back by that electric shock, but by his “fuck you” attitude? why are you explaining this to us now, again??

......

HEY, SO UM, FUCK ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS, THOUGH. (: OH MAN. OHHHHHH MAN. I HAVE... I HAVE GOT A LOT OF WORDS FOR THIS AND HERE ARE SOME OF THEM

FUCK

THINGS THAT SHOULD BE IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO “SOME BULLSHIT”: THIS

FUCK

GET FUCKED HORIKOSHI

AND ALSO PLEASE FUCK RIGHT OFF!!

AND SERIOUSLY THOUGH FUCK YOU

NO BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THOUGH!! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED OFF ANYONE. LITERALLY ANY CHARACTER. YOU HAD TWELVE FEMALE PROS. TWELVE. YOU COULD HAVE MADE MORE OF THEM. PROBABLY, IF THERE ACTUALLY WERE SUPERHEROES IN REAL LIFE, THERE WOULD BE MORE THAN TWELVE OF THEM IN AN ENTIRE NATION. BUT NO, YOU WERE ALL “TWELVE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH.” AND THEN WHEN IT CAME TIME TO KILL PEOPLE OFF, YOU WERE ALL “WELL ALL RIGHT THEN, LET’S SEE, I PICK... THESE 18 RANDOM SIDE CHARACTERS WITH LITTLE TO NO DIALOGUE, PLUS THE ONE SINGLE FEMALE U.A. STAFF MEMBER WE ACTUALLY HAD. YEAH THAT OUGHTA DO IT”

AND BY THE WAY, HORIKOSHI, I PICKED SOMETHING UP FOR YOU ON MY WAY HOME, HERE IT IS, ┌П┐(・＿・) do you like it it was on sale. I saw it and was like, “Horikoshi would really like that.” so there you go. sorry it wasn’t gift-wrapped

p.s. I hope y��all can tell that that’s supposed to be a middle finger and not... something else lmao. er. anyway

(ETA: so I got a few asks from people who were really put off by this part of the reaction post, and so I’m just adding an extra note here to make it clear that I do not actually wish harm on Horikoshi in any way or even particularly dislike him. I wasn’t happy about Midnight’s death and I wanted to convey that, and so I went with my usual LOUD CAPSLOCK REACTION tone, but looking back on it I can see that it’s kind of a lot, lol. 

so just to be clear, the “fuck you” stuff is almost entirely tongue-in-cheek. that’s on me, I forget sometimes that there are people who share these sentiments unironically and so I didn’t think to make sure my intended meaning here was clear. anyways, killing Midnight was still a really problematic decision for numerous reasons but it is what it is. Horikoshi is not perfect, the story isn’t perfect, and I’m not gonna pretend like it is, but again just to be clear, I don’t harbor any actual ill will toward Horikoshi here.)

shit. and wow this man really went and killed off fucking Mystic too on top of that. have you ever seen a character fail so spectacularly at living up to their hype. r.i.p. Mystic you were like the Star Wars sequel of characters

(ETA: I have no fucking idea why I keep thinking Majestic’s name is Mystic lol. rest in peace you old scarecrowy bastard.)

and poor Momo, though. fuck. lost two mentors in a single day. and do not even get me started on Aizawa holy shit

so now we’re cutting to some random townspeople who are gossiping about the Todoroki drama. this is actually interesting in spite of my newfound determination to hate this chapter lol

ngl I am kind of heartened to see that not everyone fell for Dabi’s bs hook line and sinker though. Jeanist returning from the dead literally two seconds after Dabi was all “I SWEAR ON MY HONOR AS A VILLAIN THAT HAWKS MURDERED HIM” probably helped with that a bit! but there will doubtless be many other people who do believe him, or are at least still inclined to side-eye the heroes in general either way given how much they sucked in this arc. very, very interesting

so it seems though that even more than the whole Endeavor reveal, at the end of the day it’s going to be the heroes failing to live up to their end of the “put your faith in us and let us use our quirks and in return we’ll protect everyone and keep them safe” implied social contract that’s going to have the biggest impact on people’s opinions moving forward. basically this was always going to be a disaster no matter what

OH MY GOD FINALLY AHHHHH

Horikoshi really tapped into some of the real-life political energy of the past few years huh. Fuck Him Still for killing off Midnight, but I will admit that so far this is hella intriguing and I am really, really curious to see where things go from here

OH MY GOD THE LITTLE KIDS FROM THE BABYSITTING ARC

“FIVE PEEPEE MAN WOULDN’T LIE TO US” YES CHILDREN YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. at least the little ones still have faith

UM

 ( •̀ へ •́  )

that’s great. that’s really keen. all we need right now, amirite

GOOD FOR YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT

let’s just wait for him to explain what he feels. you know he likes to drag it out

is that Dabi crouched down there next to Spinner? looks like they got him out of the marble after all. but why has his hair changed colors again lol what

anyways. your turn to what??

:’) excuse me what

hahahaha are you fucking kidding me. and that’s where we’re going to end the chapter then. lol okay

so let’s recap. Midnight died. we spent ten hours watching Ochako dig people out of rubble for no apparent reason and were then introduced to my new least favorite character, and because Ochako is so nice she didn’t even punch him in the face even though she really should have. we did not get any Kacchan or Shouto. we got one panel of Deku, who is Finally Asleep. and the chapter ended with AFO ordering his Noumus to go set free, AND I QUOTE, HIS “MAIN BODY.” and now I gotta wait an entire week for Caleb’s translation to confirm that last part. omg

but it sounds like a prison break is imminent, which is very, very interesting. ...and actually, is it weird that I’m actually rooting for it to be a success? I have no idea what this guy is planning, but I do know that as long as the main part of his soul is still residing in Tomura’s body, Tomura’s chance of surviving the series is close to zero. and villain though he may be, I’m still rooting for his redemption (nice to have Deku on my side now too), and so yeah. so like if AFO feels like using some latent Exorcism Quirk or something that he’s been saving for just such an occasion, be my guest lol

meanwhile this doesn’t bode well for All Might though. or anyone else aside from Tomura, really. shiiiit

anyway. [slaps roof of chapter] this baby can fit so much bullshit in it

[silvesi]

I gotta toss you Morred. I think that there's a lot of untapped potential between "curious-to-a-fault Chaotic Little Guy artificer" and "curious-to-a-fault Chaotic Little Guy alchemist", and I want to watch the world burn -@alma-draws

OK. THIS IS AN INTERESTING ONE.  

They'd be great friends if not for Morreds past. Anything more? God FORBID. Feds needs calming the heck down not hyping up MORE!! 

I gotta start adding readmores to my walls, bear with me.

There's some hangups here, so this is probably not what you are expecting from my beloved boy at all - I said in another ask but Fedsy has MASSIVE issues with the nightmare court and their experiments, considering that's why he's a little messed up himself. 

If he found out about Morreds background, (Which he most likely would due to his reputation and also activating a rant by asking him about the dream) your guy would be getting 50 types of sarcastic bastard instead of the fun "ooh, what does this do" type.

Morred would proooobably be able to see him lose that enthusiasm and put that barrier up halfway through a conversation if he's astute enough. Can't say Feds recognises it himself since, well, obviously it’s just part of who he is. You are going to have to build his trust and it is going to take a WHILE but he’ll linger anyway because he just wants to know things. Is he your friend? no. maybe. He’s stood 5ft away scowling at you and watching you work but cannot resist pointing out any mistakes you are making or asking about something he finds interesting. He's sulky about this and his apparent lack of self control in terms of just ignoring the guy. He can approach you but you can't approach him or he will THROW KNIVES AT YOU. He needs to pretend he has control here and isn't following an impulse and dealing with so many thoughts inside his brain at once. Shelter cat energy.

There are many sides to Feds; he can be a little volatile, mostly as the story progresses. Sorry Morred. You have to prove yourself. Cause some problems for the right people. I think, eventually, Feds would just start testing him with increasingly chaotic suggestions as for how to enhance his work alongside Feds abilities. He could be tempted to say he’s okay with certain things if he sees the person or their abilities would be of use or interesting to him, but. He’s not. He’s grumping inside his head. maybe plotting. Befriend him fast before he decides he's had/learnt enough and tries something against you. um. If he saw One Thing that just GOT him he would flip, despite potentially treading the line before. He would go feral. Idk, not a Morred example since I'm unsure what exactly he'd do, but if you kicked a dog. you are literally going to die now. He’s on a case by case basis and very emotionally driven.

To be honest even if they were enemies I think it would be funny as hell. like. Feds is attacking him (again, does this once a month). They both see something cool. Stop fighting for a moment, or see something worse than them. both kill that together in SECONDS. Ok cool. Start fighting each other again. everyone is terrified of them. I think they’d have a really volatile friends/enemies/friends again/ work colleagues now/ DIE/ hey nice outfit where did u get that/  relationship. Nobody gets involved they're just like no yeah this is how mesmers make friends its fine its normal. 

I like to think they’d eventually end up as friends. feds gets over some stuff. They both do. Maybe. They band together. I dunno, I feel they'd lend themselves well against the mordrem- Feds would happily spend so much time trying to figure out how to turn everything in that jungle against its own, but he really needs someone to help utilise that research. One time they accidentally made a dagger that heals people as soon as you stab them.    

Also. 

There's no way Fedsy doesn't admire his flair for the dramatic at least a little. He'd bounce off that. 2 theatre kids doing science what will they do. 

[drbtinglecannon]

Ok so @bad-luck-qrow made this post about an exchange they had with their cousin, who Galaxy brained suggested a far better solution than what v7e12 did. I really wanted to expand and ramble off on it and all the ways this rewrite idea was better than what canon did, but I didn’t want to bog down their original post so here’s a new one!

Their cousin had suggested that instead of Clover dying in ep12, that Qrow was the one who Tyrian stabbed, but he survived. It would’ve avoided any character death and given Clover the chance to reconcile with the fact his partner almost died because he refused to disobey Ironwood’s orders for even a moment.

I love that! Avoids BYG, allows more development for Clover, avoids unnecessary character death angst, and frankly CRWBY wouldn’t have gotten nearly the amount of backlash it did over that ep. The only addition I’d make to this rewrite idea is that Qrow purposely threw himself in the way to save Clover, and the reasons for that is because it would have…

Followed Qrow’s canon tendency for self-sacrifice, and allowed this unhealthy habit to be later addressed and worked on like his alcoholism currently is. Frankly I’m surprised it hasn’t been mentioned at all thus far in canon (that I can think of anyway), because it’s come up in a few fights I can think of off the top of my head where it incapacitated him at least briefly when he did this, the most notable one being in his first fight with Tyrian. So addresses a bad habit and comes full circle.

Shown Qrow AND Clover both following the theme song’s message of ‘trusting love’. The theme songs are supposed to be super relevant to the volume right, but I can’t think of a single case of someone trusting love over duty or orders or what have you in the volume ending, except Penny who was like…already mostly on their team anyway? Winter went against her own sister, the Ace Ops fought the kids, Ironwood turned against Oz and almost killed Oscar to do so, and Clover decided orders to arrest Qrow were more important than dealing with the serial killer who works for Salem (Which were already orders he was following. Why do new ones cancel out the old one?). If the fight ended with this rewrite idea it would’ve followed that theme, but especially it would’ve portrayed Qrow and Clover following that theme, two chars who arguably should do so the most. Qrow with his history of being betrayed and fear of getting close and self-hatred from his semblance, and Clover the professional military man who keeps everyone including his own team at arms length and expressed (in a throwaway line) that he trusted James with his life. The growing relationship between these two despite the long laundry list of reasons they could’ve hated each other was a reoccurring subplot in this volume, and it should’ve had some kind of fucking pay out. Imagine if Clover saying “I wanted to trust you too” was the last verbal exchange they had before Qrow threw himself in the way of the attack? That despite their disagreement and the bs of that situation Qrow trusted in love, and then with Clover having to rush to get him help and reevaluate that if he just listened to his heart Qrow wouldn’t have gotten hurt in the first place.

Been adequate angst without BYG! Imagine! Getting angst without a graphic death of a queercoded char!

Been far more interesting than killing Clover ever was. People are more attached to Qrow, unlike Clover he’s been around for a while, has been given the chance to grow, and is directly related to the protags. He has a lot more involvement and at stake with the plot so people would’ve been more invested in him getting better than with Clover doing so. We just met Clover, give us more time to get to know him and fall in love; what better way than to have him save a char everyone already loves!

Allowed some great symbolism with their semblances (that somehow ended up being a completely wasted opportunity the entire volume). The unlucky one survived again, the lucky one survived only because of the unlucky one’s involvement and not by his own luck, Clover cursing his luck he let Qrow get hurt, etc. It’d also maybe get some more use of Clover’s pin (that got its own focus in the opening) and how Clover can more or less control good fortune whereas Qrow can’t control misfortune, like idk he flicks it calling for help even though they’re out of range but help answers and shows up soon enough it can save Qrow.

Allowed Clover more character development!!! What’s the point of introducing new chars and killing them before we can really get attached? Drama? Get out of here. Personally, watching an already beaten down broken man that was trying to recover and finally made a friend scream out in agony against the bi flag sunrise was not at all enjoyable!! However, watching the Mr. Perfect new guy panic while his meticulously crafted military persona crumbles as he does everything he can to save his new friend (lover) and ignore orders he knew were bad all the while? That I’d be interested in, provided it had the payout of everyone living which in this scenario it does. It’d expand so much more on the many hints that Clover was more than a blindly loyal bootlicker too. Plus from a writing standpoint, watching someone panic as they go against all odds to save their loved ones and the visceral relief when they succeed will always be infinitely more interesting and worthwhile to watch than violently killing chars off for the dramatics imo. (BYG trope or not it’s just not good writing!)

Caused the tension between Qrow and Tyrian to reach new heights in a satisfying way. (@theonceoverthinker wrote a post on this that I was specifically thinking of writing this bullet point.) Like, from Tyrian’s POV in this rewrite he tried to get revenge and STILL failed, this bitch survived a stab from him twice! TWICE! For a serial killer with a personal beef with this guy that’s gotta drive him insane! There’d be great potential for an all-hell-breaks-loose fight now. Instead the way Tyrian said his final words before running off in ep12, it gave the impression he knew Qrow was just gonna rot away in guilt and anguish, that he won, he got his revenge and that’s the end of that conflict, that the combined efforts of 3 seasoned Huntsmen/Huntresses was wasted. I know it probably won’t go that way and Tyrian will probably die by Qrow or Ruby’s hand, but watching that scene it felt like both Tyrian and Qrow accepted that Tyrian won and it was over. Idk maybe that’s just me.

Would’ve expanded upon Qrow and Clover’s relationship, which was am important subplot this volume, in a way that’s like, feasible to fix. I love the Staff of Creation theory, but honestly the trauma and broken trust those two are gonna have to work through feels overwhelming as hell, and that’s ignoring how long the feelings of guilt and bitterness are gonna be festering before Clover gets res’d (if it even happens). Instead, if Clover saved Qrow after Qrow saved him, yeah there would still be that conflict to work through (and Qrow’s self-sacrificing I mentioned earlier), but neither one died, they both immediately showed great care for the other by their actions in that situation, and would’ve been able to apologize and start mending their relationship pretty much instantly from there. Plus, it’d be so easy to finally drive home their dynamic was in fact romantic in this situation, something a lot of fans (homophobes) kept arguing against despite all the flirting, and winking, and call back to canon het flirting volumes ago, and complimenting semblances/colors, and parallels to bumbleby and a few to nuts and dolts too. Think of the romantic tropes this could’ve done, the tenderness the dialogue the reunion scene!! Wasted!!

Ok I think I’m done and y'all get the point. I’m not gonna say OP’s cousin was the first to suggest this rewrite idea, but when I read it I started frantically thinking of all the ways it would’ve easily fixed the shitstorm that ep12 ended up being.

[atamascolily]

lily liveblogs “terminator 2: judgement day” for the first time

Nothing says "Christmas season" like watching bloody action movies! Well, there is "Die Hard," but I'm watching Terminator 2: Judgement Day, aka "James Cameron Was Mad He Didn't Put Those Ten Minutes of Subplot He Filmed Into the Theatrical Cut of the First Terminator, So He Made An Entire Movie About It Instead Because He Could”.

Ok, so I have the "Extreme Edition", whatever that means. The menu options for the DVD include "Sensory Control" (for subtitle options) and "Jump Into Timeline". Every now and then a super-creepy T-2 metallic head drops into frame to remind you to press play. I'm loving this.  

Cars in L.A. traffic. Children laughing on a playground in the '90s. Cut to the Apocalyptic Nightmare Future with the busted cars and skeletons for drivers. Everything's STILL IN PLACE the way it was when Judgement Day happened. Oooh, yeah, just cut to the wrecked playground with a pile of human skulls, in case we didn't get the memo.

(for the record, I'm pretty sure nuclear winter would actually NOT WORK LIKE THIS, but it looks cool, and James Cameron seems to be really good at this kind of parallels between present and future, so I'm rolling with it.)

Sarah Connor narrates the introductory spiel, and we're treated to basically the same opening as T1, except much higher budget everything. Lots of laser beams and explosions and fireballs, plus scary metal Terminators roaming around that the last movie did NOT have the budget for. (plus the audiences have already seen that in T1, so it's okay to show them in the intro, since I assume an EVEN SCARIER TERMINATOR FINAL FORM is coming).

We're only 3 minutes into the movie and the filmmakers have already spent like a tenth of their total budget on SFX and twice the total costs of the first movie. 

It occurs to me as Sarah is narrating, who is she narrating to? Just us, or some other characters? I strongly suspect we'll see some other characters when this film finally cuts to her.

How does Sarah know about a second strike? Didn't we establish in the last movie that there was only one Terminator that went through the portal before the humans got to it?? Are they retconning that now?

Instead of '80s synth and logo during the credits, we get a more symphonic treatment of the main theme, plus THE PLAYGROUND ON FIRE because SYMBOLISM for the destruction of CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE, amirite?? And then we cut to the SCARY METALLIC RED-EYED TERMINATOR SKELETON IN FLAMES because THAT is the defining image of this francise, the one that James Cameron had NIGHTMARES about that he decided to give to EVERYBODY ELSE by making these films.

I just realized how much the Terminator head in that shot looks like a human skull, THAT'S SO INTENTIONAL AAAAAH.

Cut to a truck driving off without its cargo, trash on the ground. Sparks fly, a wind picks up, it's night, we've been here before... This time the budget is higher, so we actually get to SEE the sphere instead of people just kind of appearing... and it carves a hole in one of the trucks. This ALSO didn't happen in T1. Nudity is still mandatory, though. It's still Arnold. You can tell it's an upgraded model Terminator based on his computer system menus. He still beats up tattooed punks to steal their clothes, only instead of stoned punks, these are long-haired motorcycle dudes in some sort of pool bar.

Oh, wow, there are a lot of people in this bar. A woman with a cigarette and a nose ring is checking the Terminator out. This is going to go well. Country music blares on the soundtrack.

He's looking for the dude with the best motorcycle. Tells him to give him his stuff. This is just like the first movie, but different. The dude is unimpressed, though why I'm not sure, because the Terminator is super-intense, and super-buff.

But the motorcycle dude blows smoke in his face--the T2 model scan says "carcinogen vapors", which is a) hilarious, and b) SO DIFFERENT FROM THE "EVERYBODY IS ALWAYS SMOKING EVERYWHERE" vibe of 1984--a sign of the evolving social norms. Then the motorcycle dude grinds his cigar into the Terminator's bare skin... and of course there's no reaction.

One dude goes through a window onto the front window of what may well be his car(?). The original dude goes flying into the kitchen and lands on a stove, which is horrific, but also karmic payback. Another gets stabbed with his own knife. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, CAMERON. Burned guy tries to pull a gun on the Terminator, but surrenders his keys and his clothes without a fight. Terminator goes outside in record time, because the dude he tossed on the car window is still there.

The bartender comes out with a gun, fires a shot into the air, and tells the Terminator to get off the bike. This is going to end poorly for him, especially since "Bad to the Bone" is playing in the background. Terminator takes both the gun and the guy's shades while the dude just watches, incredulously. YOU GOT LUCKY YOU'RE NOT HIS TARGET/MISSION, pal.

(also: this movie is such an obvious social commentary about how being armed really doesn't help you against a real threat, American fantasies to the contrary)

Cut to more blowing trash, more buildings, more trucks, a police car, electricity. The future is calling! (Oh good, this person's either going to be chased by the police OR Take their stuff.)

Dramatic hole in the fence from the future sphere thing. Yeah, this definitely wasn't a thing in the first movie, but it does look cool in this shot! Yep, there goes the policeman!

New dude's first order of business is to look up John Connor's name in the computer in the police car. Apparently, John Connor has a criminal record - trespassing, shoplifting, disturbing the peace, vandalism. He doesn't live with Sarah... he's got a guardian, and the address is in the computer.

Cut to the suburbs. It's wholesome, white-bread America. His foster mother yells at him. John is a teenage motorcycle punk, but in a clean, wholesome way. His friend has very '90s hair, though.

John's friend thinks that his foster mom is a "dick," but frankly, I see no evidence why we should hate her thus far. Her husband comes out to tell John to clean his room, but he and his little friend are already zipping away on their motorcycle, and the little friend is holding a miniature boombox, and it's so '90s, I have to pause so I can laugh for a while. Also, this rebelliousness is what's going to save his life when the Terminator comes for him. I guess the foster parents are framed as nagging assholes so we don't care so much when they die??

(also, what do you want to bet Sarah taught John to ride a motorcycle??)

John Connor is a little dick who thinks he's so clever, and he doesn't have to do anything because these aren't his real parents. His foster dad smokes, and doesn't say anything, probably because he's already made it clear to his wife that room cleaning is not high on his priority list. Fuck him.

Sarah's doing pull-ups in her cell. THOSE ARM MUSCLES, OH MY GOD. She's 29 years old. SUCH A CHANGE from the waitress with the '80s hair from the first film. Everything's so white, it's a state psychiatric ward for women. Men in suits discussing Sarah's case.

THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO KYLE IF THE TERMINATOR HADN'T BUSTED THE POLICE STATION. *sob*

Is Silbermann - the psychiatrist who examined Kyle in T1 still around? He left the police station right before the Terminator's attack, so I assume he lived... what does he make of Sarah's case? Does he ever follow up? I wonder what's going through his head.

I like how we don't see Sarah's face until she turns to face the doctors. I like how wild and unhinged she looks, how feral. She's changed so much in what, ten years? Thirteen? I think it's 1997, just before Judgement Day, but idk if that's been confirmed yet. Thirteen looks about right for John Connor, so I'm going with that.

Oh, god IT IS DR. SILBERMANN, THAT ASSHOLE!!! How does he explain how both Sarah AND Kyle have schizophrenia, when Sarah was perfectly normal before? And he *know* someone was murdering other Sarah Connors and seemed to be gunning for her, so why...? Was he really that much of an asshole not to suspect that *something* was going on, and Sarah wasn't crazy??

Also, I love "How's the knee?" because she totally hurt him, and I love her. I love how calm she sounds, like she's the one in control not them, because she can hurt them more than they can hurt her.

Sarah stares at the female doctors, and I realize now that Silbermann is doing a tour of the facility LIKE IT'S A ZOO, and... yeah, wow, he really is an asshole. He's the one with delusions, who can't see outside his own sheltered bubble...

I wonder what would happen if Sarah could talk to one of the female doctors? If they could make a connection? Maybe they would believe her. God knows Silbermann isn't going to listen to anyone who doesn't already agree with him.

God, the orderlies are sadist assholes. I fucking hate them. That shot of Sarah lying crumpled on the floor is so beautiful because everything is angelic pristine white and sunny, and so horrifying.

The police dude shows up at John's foster parents' house. We're supposed to think he's good because he's not Arnold, but this person has no facial expressions and he's too calm - compare with Kyle's frantic fumblings. This is not somebody from the human resistance of T1, at least not without some serious retconning. He's too poised and professional, too adept at the 1990s, whereas Kyle Reese had the social skills of a feral racoon and wore pants he stole from a homeless man. Totally different vibe going here.

The knock on the door sequence is so parallel to the original Terminator going to the first Sarah Connor's house in T1... same suburban paradise... and you can get anything when you're a clean-shaven, short-haired white cop, can't you??

Cut to: '90s tech. John and his little friend hacking an ATM. God. Their clothes, their hair, the ATM... everything is peak early '90s, and I can't handle it. We learn that Sarah Connor taught her son how to hack, because of course she does.

John keeps the photo of Sarah in his backpack, awwww. John is so not impressed by his mother, calls her crazy because she took the war to Cyberdyne and WENT BACK AND TRIED TO BLOW UP THE COMPUTER FACTORY AGAIN AFTER KYLE DIED!! (and her son was born)

Q: what did she do with John while she did that? Was he outside waiting for her somewhere? How did the police find him??

It doesn't matter who your parents are, EVERY teenager thinks their parents are "total losers". John has a chip on his shoulder a mile wide. His little punk friend thinks Sarah is so cool, and he doesn't know any of this, so I guess they're not THAT good friends??? Since it's John's motorcycle, John's driving, and John's stolen money, I guess the little unnamed punk friend is only hanging out with John because John is so much cooler than him, and needs someone to exposit to??

That shot of a drugged Sarah slumped over her knees on her bed in the shaft of sunlight, with her hair combed is SO BEAUTIFUL, too bad she's a drugged shadow of her usual self...

OH MY GOD, MICHAEL BIEHN IS IN THIS MOVIE, AND HE COMES TO HER, AND HE'S WEARING HIS TRENCH COAT AND TELLING HER SHE HAS TO WAKE UP OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG MY SHIPPER HEART asfhgfkgkfdgjkfdlgf *incoherent screaming* I need a thousand GIF sets of this scene PRONTO.

Kyle: "Where's our son???"

god, Sarah's EYES when she says they took him from her

Kyle is so earnest, so desperate, so much less bedraggled than he ever was in T1... god, he's even wearing that stupid gown under his trench coat that he got in the police station in T1, that detail wrecks me, oh my god, oh my god, this scene is so beautiful, I just want an entire movie of THIS, oh my god...

Sarah is begging Kyle for help, and he grabs her shoulders and tells her she's strong, stronger than she ever thought she could be, LIKE HE'S ALWAYS DONE, OH MY GOD, beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, I love him.

AHHHHHHHHHHH, and then he says "On your feet, soldier!" which is what she said to HIM right before he DIED, and he forces her UP and they EMBRACE and she's sobbing into his shoulder and he hells her he loves her and he always will, and HKGKSFJALFNDBJNJN

I am a melting pile of shipper goo right now, this shot of them in the sunlight is so fucking beautiful, James Cameron HOW DARE YOU THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED IN A MOVIE EXCEPT THAT KYLE IS STILL DEAD, DAMN IT, YOU DIDN'T RETCON THAT.

He says he'll always be with her... and he is, because he's a voice in her head, a memory.... ahhhhhhhh my heart...

And he tells her "The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves," which is what SHE SAID TO HIM, oh my GODDDDDDDD.

And they hug and kiss and I could watch a whole movie about this, and then she slumps back and she's alone in her cell in a shaft of sunlight and I just want to cry. whhhhhyyyyy do you have to hurt me this way, why, why why why why whyyyyyy?

Oh wait, he's at the door to the cell, and it's open, telling her there's not much time... and walking away, and she goes out to follow him as he's walking down the hall and everything's so eerily perfect white and shiny and beautiful and SURREAL, fuck, I am so HERE FOR THIS!

God, this is all beautifully shot as she chases after him - and we get a good view of her amazing forearm muscles without objectifying her. The nightgown she's wearing is NOT standard institutional outfit - it looks more like lingerie than State Mental Hospital Standard Issue - but it's not especially revealing, either.

She opens the doors and she's outside and there's that playground again with all the children playing... SYMBOLISM AGAIN.... Sarah is locked out, away from the children, yelling to save them... and then fire.

And she wakes up in her cell and her hair is a mess again, so this time we know it's real -- and her outfit's changed, too, back to the tank top she was originally wearing, so I guess her outfit was part of the dream, too.

(ngl, I wasn't expecting even THIS MUCH of Michael Biehn in this movie, so I will happily take it, but stilllllllll... I WANT MORE, GODDAMN IT!!!)

(this got long, so I’m breaking it up into parts)

[dealingdreams]

Okay TROS thoughts...here we go. I’m putting them all below the cut in case somehow you’ve avoided spoilers

so general thoughts...i didnt hate it nearly as much as i thought i would so thats pleasant but im gonna break it down more

things i liked:

Adam Driver.  just Adam. Fucking. Driver my dudes. This is like a backhanded compliment because JJ is so fucking lucky Adam was cast because the emotional depth of the film rested literally all on his shoulders for me. I only felt the weight if he was acting in a scene. 

I’ll admit im biased but I did adore the interaction between Finn and Poe. Their bickering amused me and the tenderness between them was wonderful...I think Oscar played Poe a bit jealous as well which i liked.

the Reylo scenes to me where beautiful. Ben never lied to her, she tried to deny it but she knew he never did. I loved that he was kinda guiding her, protecting her, loving her, and antagonizing her all at once. I loved how soft their kiss was, their smiles are literally the light of my life. Rey’s face when she healed him. Ben just staring at her as she tells him she did want to take his hand...just chef’s kiss

I loved the saber fights. Ben’s fight at the beginning was hot as fuck...and his fight as newly redeemed Ben Solo was even hotter somehow.

 I enjoyed the fight scenes between ben and rey! how often ben just let her walk away, and despite that one scene which i will mention below...i like i even tho rey was rather aggressive idk...it didnt really feel like she was trying to hurt him much either? i just think they had a lot of chances to kill each other and didnt take it...so i like that

i knew she was looking at ben in that clip i knew it...she only makes that soft face at him

I always enjoy stupid ass C3PO jokes for some dumbass reason

Han and Ben’s scene was heartbreaking and beautiful. Again tho JJ is fucking lucky to cast Adam cause recycling dialogue from TFA wouldnt have worked at all had Adam not been so fucking amazing

the save chewie hall blaster scene was fun 

i liked how fucking dramatic children ben and rey were with that damn ship lol...no im gonna force pull it...no im gonna...what dorks

while i didnt like the entire way the force bond was used i did enjoy seeing it still strong and growing

confirming canon soulmate reylo was a highlight

ben’s hair looked bomb

finn’s outfit was cool

Jannah was beautiful (please correct me if i misspell her name)

dark rey was glorious tho 

that new little droid is literally me so i adore it

that sith cave thing was really fucking cool looking 

the visuals of the film were most of the time stunning 

sooooo...now to what i didn’t like:

I think this first one is the most obvious for those who know me but...Ben’s death just feels so utterly useless to me. especially when they gave him a metaphorical death earlier in the film. i feel extremely hurt and betrayed. Disney has gone out of their way to make us sympathize with Ben Solo. They’ve revealed more and more of his past...how alone he was, the abuse he suffered from snoke and palpatine. just fuck...they just kill him...the moment he realizes he’s free and loved they end his life....literally WHAT THE FUCK. it’s a chicken shit way out of a redemption arc honestly. Not letting u just breath after his death was also so horrible. We barely got to see Rey mourn, we got a split second of it then it jumped to another scene...another second of her looking sadly at her sabor to have the moment interrupted 

tag on to above but...they didnt have him as a force ghost cause Disney is intentionally keeping where he is ambiguous so they can sell more shit which pisses me off so much

thats not how the force works

there couldnt have been that many sith could there??? cause like there can only be 2 at one time....fucking rule of 2 so how the hell were there that many

palps being like...see i actually want you to kill me...is ridiculous

rey palpatine is the most idiotic thing i have ever heard. Rey being a no one from no where was such an amazing thing. Just anyone can be strong in the force...you dont need royal blood to make you worth something....then they just retcon that??? the fuck I MEAN THE FUCK. 

Finn does nothing but worry about Rey the whole film. I know folks dont like his storyline in TLJ and while i understand that and do think it could have been written better i still adore it because Finn grew. He grew from just caring about a small group of people to caring about an idea to caring about something bigger than him. I didnt see any growth in his character in this film. His heroics were beautiful to see and I enjoyed seeing his heart but that was John’s acting more than the writing it think. 

sidelining rose was fucking disgusting 

the trio felt forced to me

the leia scenes didnt work for me honestly and they mostly just made me sad

bringing in lando now felt weird 

ive wanted force sensitive finn for a while but didnt feel right

why the fuck have finn want to tell rey something but never do...ugh i hate storytelling like that

they never explained how palps is back...he just is

rey stabbing ben felt odd to me. i loved the moment when she healed him, and i know technically her anger and darkside was coming out and she acted on instinct...nevermind that even before leia called out to him ben coudnt follow thru with the killing blow. 

....i’m sure i’ll think of more as i get angrier 

anyways over all...id be lying if moments didnt make me laugh or smile...if i didn’t feel a sense of nostalgia and enjoyment for 80% of this movie. The thing is that even with so much of it being enjoyable to me it still felt void. An action movie, with new characters, a confusing plot and very minimal emotional depth.

The emotion hinged soooo much on Adam or me. The biggest reason for that aside from that fact that Ben Solo is one of my all time favorite characters, is that the things Rey is dealing with in the film are directly related to her being a palpatine...and i HATE THAT. Like straight up wanna fling it into the sun. 

Rey never needed to be related to a force royal bloodline. She should have been allowed to remain strong because she was just strong. Kylo’s equal in every way, not because she was the granddaughter of a sith which btw you can’t inherit force powers. Retconing something so touching and unique from TLJ was just...fucking idiotic. All to please the loud but small misogynistic fandom that thought a woman couldnt be that strong on her own so she must be related to someone

The biggest thing....tho is killing Ben. it felt so unnecessary and just...i feel so betrayed. The interviews leading up to the film got my hopes up that i was worried for nothing. I always thought they’d kill him, because cinema seems to not know what to do with characters has tragic as him without just killing him in the end. we already got a redemption = death plotline in this franchise...why couldnt we get a redemption = life instead??? My friend who doesnt even like sw that much...tros was actually the 2nd sw fim she’s ever seen...thought it was unnecessary as well and agrees with me a lot about my feelings despite not having the same intense emotional attachment to him as me. She for a moment thought they’d be together at the end but nope. Its just...pointless to me now, the sacrifices han, luke, and leia made to reach Ben are for nothing. Their deaths...pointless...Ben means so fucking much to me. I’ve never felt such an intense emotional bond with a character before so im just hurting so fucking much right now.

Rey taking the name Skywalker isnt hopeful or cute its a slap in the face honestly...and it’s just weird! 

The last Skywalker died loved and held by the woman he loved and that is beautiful to me. He died happy and a hero thats a balm at least...but to not let him be the one to kill palpatine...after everything EVERYTHING he put him and his family thru was another just fuck...i wanted justice for him and he just got thrown away

Ultimately...Ben and Rey are soulmates and their force bond was severed. Palpatine didnt take that from them because he couldnt have...again not how the force works....but JJ used that bond to be a battery???? the fuck...but ultimately hes forcing Rey to live the rest of her days with a gaping wound in her soul. a wound unable to be filled and will be with her for the rest of her life...thats so fucking tragic to me. you give rey someone who is her equal, who understands her, and you take him from her and force her to be alone for the rest of her life?? and we are supposed to not see that as a tragedy? Her being fineishness at the end of the film seemed like direction from either the writing or in the moment, but just further proves he didnt bother to even understand the lore he was using. Force bonds were considered i quess legends in the current SW canon but Rian brought it back...so it’s back. and well

  "A bond between two living beings is not something easily broken. It is not a choice… it is like breaking a feeling. Like turning away from the Force. To break a bond, your feelings would have to change, or one of you would have to die—but even then, the bond wouldn't go away, it would simply… it would simply be empty, a wound."―Master Zez-Kai Ell[src]

and .... the only way to break it was to turn away from the Force, as Surik did on Malachor V. So basically it all came down to creating a wound in the Force”

sooo yeah...im pissed i’d give this movie a 1 1/2 out of 5 

thank you for those who have read my rantings! I hope at least some of this made sense

[nonbinary-octopus]

My knowledge of Damien Wayne, drawn exclusively from tumblr:

assassin baby

(at least one of) his brothers call him "demon spawn" as a term of endearment

Bruce Wayne's son via actual genetic reasons and not adoption

his mom's name is Talia and she's evil or something

he is NOT WHITE don't whitewash him in your arts

has inherited his father's "must adopt" instincts but instead of kids he adopts animals

he has a cow, a cat, and a dog at least

maybe several more animals? IDK

Best friends with Superman's kid, Jon

Damien and Jon are the epitome of that "someone will die" "of fun!" parks and rec meme

(Damien is "someone will die" obviously)

he's like... 10 I think

he calls all his brothers by their last names.

he tries to learn social rules and stuff but has trouble with context

example 1:

from observation and personal experience, Damien has gathered that if someone is asleep on the couch and you walk by them, you must kiss them on the forehead. Thinking this is obligatory, he will do so.

example 2:

from watching sitcoms while waiting for batman to come home, but falling asleep partway through, Damien has gleaned that if you go spend time at someone's house you have to give them a plant. So whenever he needs to crash at one of his brothers' places, he brings a small plant and gifts it to them. Sort of a "here is compensation for my being in your space" sorta thing.

he does not ask before coming over however

friends with Catwoman's cats who otherwise only like her

heir to the mantle of Batman

overly dramatic (he gets it from his dad)

will hang upside down from his ceiling like a bat to startle Alfred

either able to move internal organs to avoid knives, or claims to be able to do that and pretends he wasn't just stabbed baldy

was dead once

doesn't make as many zombie jokes as Jason Todd who was also dead once

goes "Tt" instead of expressing emotion

there's probably more that I've forgotten at the moment but oh well

[organictaeyong]

best friend!johnny

• the type of best friend • who u kind of want to stab 71% of the time • and johnny insists that’s how u kno it’s real • “it makes the friendship real bc you want to kill me but you won’t because you’d miss me this is tru love y/n” • always trying to pull pranks on you • like the classics puts your hand in warm water when you fall asleep • swapping your shampoo for hair removal cream • you noticed right away • but you were a little too close to maybe going bald • you guys have something of a prank war going on

• “yo y/n why the pained expression” • “johnny put salt instead of sugar in my coffee but im drinking it because im petty and wont let him win” • you get him back by putting shaving cream in his bed • he was so tired he didn’t even notice and just hopped straight in • is still traumatised • as are the rest of nct who had to witness him running around covered in shaving cream and screaming at 3am • you only call a truce every now and then • to target the rest of nct • still waiting for someone to notice you replaced the bar of soap with a block of cheese • regularly shows up at your door at like 2am for food • has his own key to your place • you’re still shocked every time you come home and see him and ten watching tv • “johnny you know the key was for emergencies right” • “are u telling me that running out of popcorn was not an emergency ?????????????” • usually crashes on the couch after eating all your food • sometimes is considerate though • like he does the dishes for you before he goes • sometimes he’s the opposite • hides the remote • forgets where he hides it and ends up buying you another • moves all your stuff to high shelves • or on top of the fridge • and places where you can’t reach • so he can mock you about being short • “johnny why you gotta be the exception to the nice tall people stereotype” • “I am a nice tall person” • “you’re an evil tree man” • y’all play the floor is lava game everywhere • you just shout it and the other person has to get off the floor as quick as possible • it’s all fun and games • except for the time johnny yelled it • and there was nothing around to jump onto • so you just sort of jumped onto jaehyuns back • thought you might die of embarrassment • got johnny back by shouting it in the middle of the park • which ended with johnny getting stuck in a bin • always trying to set you up with the members • “hey what’s your ideal first date asking for a friend……” • “uh idk coffee ?? nice walk in the park???” • “omg haha such a funny story doyoung loves both of those things probably you should hang out ; -))))” • “johnny stop trying to set me up with all your members ffs………………..unless they are sicheng then carry on” • you best be ready for joHNNYS FASHION EV Alu ATi On every other day • like honestly every time you go to hang out he’ll stop suddenly and you’re like ?????????? • and he’s like it’s time • and you’re like boi if you don’t stop being so cryptic ??????? • and then he’s like ITS TIME FOR JOHNNYS FASHION EVALUATION • “4/10 who wears navy and black together c’mon y/n” • “joHNNY YOU LITERALLY WORE A BATHROBE ON STAGE” • uses it to mock you mostly • although sometimes he hypes you up • like the time he actually does set you up ith sicheng • he can tell you’re nervous and you keep pulling at your clothes • so he’s like guess whaT JOHNNYS FASHION EVALUATION • 11/10 PERFECT OUTFIT FOR A FIRST DATE !!!!!!!! • THE JACKET REALLY PULLS IT TOGETHER !!! WHAT !!! A !!!! LOOK !!! • even though he is annoying and raising your blood pressure 9/10 times • he’s a really great friend when you need him to be • will let u cry on him • will tell you the funniest jokes he knows to try get you to smile • will drop what he’s doing and do everything he can to make you feel better • will also get ice cream and listen to you complain about the mean girl at work • will actually listen to what you’re saying • which gets you shook every now and then because like ?????? • you don’t think he’s capable of paying attention sometimes • brings ten along every now and then • and y’all drag people you don’t like • listen she’s just being salty because she doesn’t have any eyebrows of her own • after you’re done smack talking • they’ll try lighten the atmosphere • the usual is dramatic readings of nearby books • omG IS THAT 50 SHADES • johNNY NO • and of course ten is all for it • encouraging johnny • and of course you (and ten lbr) look out for johnny if he ever gets down • which is really rare • he usually just gets annoyed • “y/n im so mad right now” • “you want me to send you memes to help you calm down??????” • you have a folder on your phone of memes for johnny • you guys have such a long snapchat streak • live snaps you the mess of making dinner in the dorms each night • spams you with bad pictures of the members • will snapchat you even if he’s sitting beside you • “johnny wyd snapping me selfies” • “the lords work obviously” • sitting in the dorms with the rest of nct • telling them all the dumb stories u have about johnny • “hey y/n remember when you dared me to lick that swingset lol” • “no I said johnny don’t lick the swingset and you said no one tells johnny seo what to do, licked it, and ended up in hospital” • “yeah lmao good times” • lowkey always brings ten along to plans • “johnny stop inviting me on dates I don’t want to be a third wheel !!” • “yeah johnny at least bring a date for y/n next time smh” • johnny always trying to convince you to let him do your makeup • “johnny no I watch lipstick prince I know you don’t know what blusher is” • “pls I need to improve im tired of being dragged by doyoung : -((((((“ • so you let him do it • but you always end up lowkey looking like a clown • because johnny has learned what blusher is • but being subtle isn’t his specialty • tries to convince you it’s a good look • even though your eyebrows are lowkey taking up half your forehead • just really fun to be around • like you don’t even need to be going out and doing anything to have a good time • just sitting and talking is so fun • anything Is fun if it’s with bff johnny • he more than lives up to his best friend title • more than you could ever ask for • and you love him • even if you lowkey want to kill him at times • but like johnny says you don’t because you’d miss him too much • because he is a relly great best friend

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

so I watched Annabelle for the first time yesterday and I went in all excited cause it was hyped up to be great and I love the Conjuring movies but holy shit: • Okay so right off the bat, they open and close the movie with scenes about the Actual Annabelle Case, but then create a fictional plot around the doll??? What??? Why??? • “Their daughter ran away two years ago so we aren’t allowed to talk about my pregnancy” • As someone who used to have an impressive collection of porcelain dolls...the are usually not that creepy holy shit. I’ve only seen one creepy porcelain doll in my life, and it’s in my kitchen as we speak. Still not as overly-dramatic as they made the Annabelle doll. In the actual, real life case, the doll was a Raggedy Anne, and frankly? That would have been creepier to use? Something so iconically innocent? This was just trying too hard. • Satanists breaking into the house, that’s a very common and relatable problem • The dramatic drop of blood from the girl’s neck onto the doll’s face, the Satanic symbol smeared in blood... 5 Edgy 9 Me • Okay you wanna know what the God damn scariest part of this movie was???? When the doctor firmly puts her on bed rest, and then she just continues to walk around and work and do her job normally???? Are you lost on the concept of bed rest???? She’s out here hearing noises and shit and I’m just screaming at my tv “WHY WONT YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR BABY???” bitch literally got stabbed in the stomach and thinks she can walk around like nothing’s wrong BYE • I was ranting about that literally all night • She tells her husband she wants to get rid of the doll, which is understandable, but then he just??? Throws it in the garbage???? Like 1) We know they’re having money troubles and 2) We know the doll was really expensive. Pawn it, you dumbass. You don’t have to tell the buyers a cult member held it in their arms after she slit her throat! That’s not information that needs to come up! This couple is just flat out exasperating. • All the zoom-in shots of her fingers at the sewing machine were 100% more nerve racking than anything else that happened in this damn film • How the fuck did she not smell that fire • h o w • So this chick gets stabbed in her uterus and then falls on her stomach while inhaling smoke and you want me to believe this baby came out 100% fine?? K. • Why was their apartment literally bigger than their house had been • You know when I met John Zaffis and he was complaining that when every true ghost case his name is remotely attached to gets turned into a movie they never make a fictionalized version of him in the film but instead add in a priest that just looks like him, I thought it had to be an exaggeration...but they...they really did just create a priest and cast a guy that looks like him...why is this a curse he must bear...I don’t understand...Just put the man in your movies... • Literally what the hell was up with the kids on the steps did we ever get a full explanation for that???? • Bookshop lady sees random woman outside, decides to run out and give her a free book for literally no God damn reason. more at six. • Okay so the doll somehow followed them to the apartment and that wasn’t a paranormal giveaway??? John, Mia, come on. • And okay I can respect her wanting to keep it and all but why would she put it in her fucking baby’s room are you kidding me. What sense does that make. • John was a Good Husband and I respect him but that boy was an idiot; Mia was a complete dumbass most of the film. So it was very hard for me to feel sympathetic towards them for most of the events??? idk • The ghost apparently couldn’t decide whether or not it wanted to be seen as 7-year old Annabelle, Adult Annabelle, or an Actual Demon...calm down? I get spirits like being dramatic but we need some consistency I’m sorry • Literally what the fuck was going on in that basement scene. Like...what • “You won’t mind if I just keep this one for myself then...” Um no Mia he should mind??? That’s a Literal Crime Scene Photo??? It’s evidence for the case??? You can’t just take it jfc • And the thing is??? She took that picture because she wanted to research the Satanic Symbol, but like??? We never actually did find out what that symbol stood for???? • Local Woman Is Shown To Be Suicidal In The Past So We Won’t Feel As Bad When She Sacrifices Herself Later. More at six. • This doll just kept...deteriorating throughout the entire movie??? Like she collects porcelain dolls you’d think she be able to do something about that • Local Woman Figures Out Doll Is Possessed, Still Keeps It Right Over Her Baby’s Crib For A Bit. more at six. • When the John Zaffis Priest(tm) offered to take the doll I was just like...My dude. My dude. No. • Like FIRST OFF if anything fucking bless the doll and the apartment before you leave??? Come on??? You know this is a serious enough situation that you wanna call the Warren’s in but you’re not gonna actively do anything about it until morning? Bye. • “MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL” calm down, Satan. • John Zaffis Priest(tm) : *literally sees the ghost/demon of a girl who used to belong to his church standing a few feet behind him* • John Zaffis Priest(tm) : *decides that’s not his damn business and tries to enter the church and ignore it* • I was so pleasantly surprised he survived that honestly • Remember kids: If demons need your consent to steal your souls, than you need consent to have sex. Don’t be worse than demons. • That whole scene where the baby was screaming but you can’t find her??? We get it, you’ve seen Poltergeist. • Ooooh girl when she was bashing Annabelle’s head into the crib and then threw her on the ground- I was waiting for a shot where we find out that had actually been her baby. They fucking let me down there. That would off been a great scene (fucked up, but it is a horror movie after all) • Dramatic Scenes Of The Husband Running Home. Will He Get There In Time? More at six. • Why do they have to hold the doll as they kill themselves • I like how both women were immediately ready to die for the baby but the man was just like “why don’t we all take a breather and discuss this further over coffee” while a demon is wrecking havoc in the room around him • Local Woman Believes Her Greater Purpose In Life Is To Kill Herself So A Baby Will Live, more at RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IM PISSED ABOUT THAT FUCKING SCENE • Like if you wanna ignore everything but the base of it- Evelyn was only suicidal in the first place because she wanted to see her daughter again. Something tells me if your soul is sacrificed to Satan you WONT BE SEEING YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER AGAIN • THE DEMONS JUST HAVE HER FOREVER NOW. WHAT THE FUCK • W H Y • WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD ENDING • HOW MANY PEOPLE SAW THIS MOVIE AND HAD NO PROBLEM WITH THAT BEFORE IT WAS RELEASED • U G H • And then the doll just ~mysteriously moves away from the crime scene alone~ and ends up in a fucking antique shop okay • Why did it take like a full year for John Zaffis Priest(tm) to get that picture of Mia and the baby developed for them • About 20 minutes after suffering through this film I found myself in a parking lot of a TGI Friday’s and got jump-scared by an old man in a car staring at me and I experienced more true terror in that one moment than I did during the entirety of this shit film • Overall: Waste of time and I feel lied to 3/10 do not recommend unless you’re really easy to scare