#and then i think about how a lot of the symbolism is so obviously transgender related

[queer-ace]

@ transphobes, your fave could never

[karama9]

Responding to Anonymous Reviews

A bit of context: I’m currently writing a Legend of Zelda fanfic where Link is a non Hylian black guy and Zelda is a transgender woman. I knew going in some people wouldn’t like either, but it’s gotten to the point I feel like Link in Tears of the Kingdom, where nobody recognizes him except the bunch that absolutely hates him.

I just posted chapter 4 and I have no comment on AO3, and 4 reviews on fanfiction dot net. Of the four: one (1) is nice, two (2) are hate and one is sort of neutral in a ‘don’t like it so far’ kind of way.

The two hate ones are anonymous, so I thought I’d answer here to get the answers out of my system.

First one: Guest chapter 1 . Nov 12

This is disgusting...

Response:

You posted this in response to the prologue, where all that happens is the characters being introduced and a bit of world building. If you find that disgusting, you're projecting.

Second one : X from Aumsville chapter 1 . 2h ago

And as long as Link refuses to accept he's a male instead of forcing himself to be something he isn't the master sword will forever be cursed knowing Link is messed up in his heart. He is no longer worthy of even breathing in the same space as that sword which knows better.

Response:

(sigh) The fact you didn’t read the story is not surprising, you’re obviously a transphobe. What really elevates this to another level is how you managed to read a very short summary that explicitly states that Link is a person of color and Zelda is transgender, and come out of it thinking this is a story where LINK is transgender. Congrats, not only are you hateful, not only do you devote time to expressing that hate to random strangers, you also can’t read.

More context, and a request:

This story came about because of two things.

One, I found out at some point that white supremacists were trying to use the Triforce as one of their symbols. It got me thinking, and I realized, like many other people, that Nintendo was not doing a great job of representing other races than white coded Hylians in Hyrule. I say this with a lot of love for the franchise, but although things have improved with the two most recent games, both the lack of color and how the other races are treated are notable flaws in the franchise. I wanted to make a story that addressed that with a Hero who was NOT a white Hylian. I made him non Hylian so it would be a significant thing for the in-story characters, I made him black so it would be a significant thing for the readers.

Two, JK Fucking Rowling. I have a loved one who is transgender, which maybe is making me more likely to notice things, but I think unless you’re really not paying attention, it’s pretty obvious that transphobia is on the rise. Several years back, the trend was improving. Things were getting better, people were becoming more accepting, at least in our neck of the woods. Now? Now that a ridiculously famous and rich author has been devoting time, money and energy to making people hate transgender people more and reject their identity? Everyone else who feels the same way feels more empowered to speak out and act out, the feeling is becoming normalized (more so) and things are getting worse again.

I was inspired by a trans female character in Supergirl, who inherits powers that ONLY go to female members of her family, because I loved the idea of the magic, the universe, unequivocally saying that YES, she is a woman. I wanted to do the same for Zelda, so I made her transgender, and she’s a Princess of Destiny.

So, basically, this story came about because I wanted a fix-it fic for Hyrule since I can't fix reality. I’m putting a lot of time and effort in it in the hope that it will eventually catch on and actually circulate enough for people who would get some joy from it to find it.

So far it’s not working.

SO, I have to ask a favor of my followers and mutuals. Please help me spread the word a bit about this story. Getting pretty much only negative feedback is disheartening when you’re trying to do a good thing. Don’t get me wrong. I am personally enjoying writing the story. I like the characters I created, I’m happy with the plot, etc. But unlike some other stories, the idea was never to write this one just for me.

Please reblog this, or when I post a chapter, and help the story get some visibility.

Links to the story:

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51450898/chapters/130021738

fanfiction dot net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14296946/1/All-That-Hurts-Us

[softgrungeprophet]

you know what i'm just gonna put the context on the post for once instead of in the tags

ftr windowverse Kaine is nominally cis in that he is a man who was assigned male at birth and has a dick, but his lived reality is a little more complicated than that partly because he is intersex, and also due to things like abuse, but he doesn't have the language to articulate any of it. he's queer, and disabled, and intersex, and so on and so forth, and he was also very isolated and sheltered from society and other people for the most formative years of his life.

It is not androgen insensitivity btw otherwise TRT obviously wouldn't work - it's XXY/XY mosaicism + some other small details I'm not going to specify here because while I do personally have the details written out, I don't really like the idea of offering an invasive breakdown of this fictional queer, autistic, disabled intersex man's body and genitalia on the internet lol so I'm not going to do that.

like sure he's not real but it's the principle of the thing.

i will say that he is not technically Transgender™, or at least wouldn't necessarily use that word for himself despite his gradual self-acceptance and androgynous masculinity, and he is not transitioning from female to male for example, or vice versa... but something that will become obvious as I later post certain drawings and fics (Someday, Maybe, Eventually) is that—in this AU with multiple specifically explicitly trans characters—Kaine is like, metaphorically and symbolically transmasc thru imagery, while being also just literally intersex lol

See my joke (not a joke) about the phallic and yonic symbolism of web-shooters, spikes, and silk organs.

or to be more straightforward, kaine has holes in his wrists which his brothers do not.

anyway the TRT (testosterone replacement therapy) is mostly to help with things like bone health, anemia, etc. (though these are also impacted by some of his medications and autoimmune disease). It doesn't hurt that it helps a little with his mental and emotional health too.

idk how long it would take for him though. i wrote, vaguely, "2016 or 2017" but idk for sure lol — late 20s regardless, and then, who knows how long his hair actually would be. by early 2017 it's still only ass-length so being past his knees implies it's probably actually 2018 😅 i'm not too pressed cause it still gets the point across.

also looking at selfies of people pre- and post-hormone therapy is always kind of wild. fat redistribution really does a lot (even accounting for things like exercise). like, i keep being like. that's a big difference, did i draw kaine's before and after too different? should he still be a little more curvy than that even after T? but the photos are like. no, yeah, that's exactly how that works, actually.

though i'm not sure if i should have made his chest a little fuller. i did try to give him a slightly fuller silhouette than peter and make his chest like... heavier looking (ie affected by gravity) but also it probably still is mostly muscle... and i don't think he has actually developed breasts... though (not pictured) his nipples probably change the way that looks too.

As far as him having a beard pre-T, this is something I've thought about (debated keeping, even)—ultimately what actually happened was that I just drew that on a whim before having fleshed out some of the later stuff or some of his (numerous) health quirks, so I just hadn't thought that far ahead. My reasoning was: Kaine runs away. Kaine is homeless. Kaine does not have easy access to a bathroom/sink/razors/etc. Kaine grows a beard. Which is reasonable, even if I later said, wait, his hormones.

But anyway, I did a quick google search on my phone (wow, the utmost in academic rigor) and it does seem (from firsthand accounts) that it's possible for some people w/ Klinefelter's to grow small amounts of facial hair especially if it's mild... Since Kaine obviously has only some extra X chromosomes, rather than all XXY, I think it's fair to say that his case is on the mild side and the most obvious sign for him is like, wide hips/fat distribution (at least to outside observers), though he is less hairy than his brothers technically. But I figured it's probably not too far out of left field to say that the combo of Warren's rapid growth serum in Kaine's adolescence + only partial XXY/still some self-synthesized T + Parker genetics means he probably has established beard hairs by the time he's 24 or whatever. It would just be sparse and patchy (which it already was), and probably not grow very long or very quickly, nor be very coarse or thick.

I mean personally I have half a dozen whiskers on my chin and I've never been on T in my life (granted, idk what my natural hormone levels are like lol) so, you know how it is.

After T I assume he would be able to grow quite the beard but in-universe, shaving soothes him, so I think he just keeps shaving for a while even after he starts growing his regular hair back out.

my favorite thing to do is to have a character gain weight when they are healthy and safe 👍 also i needed to figure out what Kaine's build should actually look like compared to Peter, so I was like, may as well go all the way in and show his different weights.

technically this is for the scar reference I'm making (very slowly) but I figured it would stand on its own fine, so here it is.

[thenightlymirror]

Someone was asking if they should refer to Simone Weil with they/them pronouns.

I would love to read a paper on Simone’s gender.

1) Gender is always something foisted upon you by others. Each individual, each group or institution, is pummeling or spoiling you with gender based on their own hang ups, experiences, poisons, or genuine care. No matter how articulated or actualized you are, gender is happening at you anyway, and that’s the main direction of flow.

2) Gender is a performance that is ultimately personal and up to you. A matter of experiences and identification. You express it, choose it, and find it in no particular order. It’s emergent, but not essential.

3) Apropos of nothing but my own identity, I feel like “intersex” must be seen as a set of experiences and a matter of identification, in the end. This is something that TERF’s have basically forced by trying to pick apart the notion that there are absolutely, obviously, more than two genders, as evidenced by the rare, but ceaseless transhistorical stream of intersex people that have come out. They try to say that intersex people are merely differently developed, but pathologically inadequate, versions of one gender or the other. This violent imposition of pathological inadequacy on anyone simply born with whatever body given is just classic reactionary bullshit. Human liberation just doesn’t get any simpler than, “This is who I am. I am not a disease.”

So, if you are on the fence about identifying as intersex, a TERF calling you inadequate is cause enough to say, “Fuck you, my intersex experiences are enough, that’s the whole game. I am intersex. Eat shit and die.”

While being “differently developed” has its own horrors and dysphorias and sometimes genuine disabilities, it really can’t be dismissed that it’s social reality and it’s alienations and imposed images and roles that makes life for intersex people difficult. In the privacy and fulfillment of intimacy there is found wholeness and self-development. Relations between two symbols of gender is hardly relating at all. The action of finding and relating must always contain something open-ended and discovering.

4) The people who assert that there are only two genders seem to be forgetting that throughout the history of “mankind” (if only limited to this history specifically) there has only been one gender: men, and that women were only a special class of not-men, meant to look and act a certain way to serve men. There have always been people who don’t quite fulfill the expectations of the designated other-gender, but I don’t see how “two genders” could ever be some kind of prize worth holding onto.

5) From my own experience, there have always been “third genders”, people that don’t specifically fit one gender or the other. And whether is people who are sexy in androgynous ways, or asexual in androgynous ways, whether accepting genders or negating genders, you could break down several categories of these necessary non-binaries that have just always existed. Whether they flow or are fixed or disappear ambiguously. Or inhabit different roles in different situations. And these things can change over time. This is so common it’s ridiculous to imagine otherwise. It’s not like cis partisans weren’t among the first to point out who didn’t fit the binary. It’s only a matter of “should it be policed?” To which the answer must be “Fuck you.”

5) It’s difficult for me to discern whether I should go by they/them, and if I only identify as he/him out of cowardice. In my early 20’s, I went by they/them, which was honored for a few weeks, in a half-assed way, and then abandoned. This was in the early 2000’s, and the concept of non-binary identity did not have a lot of purchase yet. Gay people had a pretty strict script of what legitimized them, then (to the disadvantage of bisexuals, transgender people, victims of abuse, and on and on). But people would call me “trans” and I thought, still think, “It’s not like I’m going anywhere. I’m just like this.” People returning home are obviously going somewhere, so that is bullshit. But it’s more about intention. I wasn’t just clumsily on my way to become a woman. I have always been a man (assigned at birth) becoming a certain kind of man (who is not a man). Pretentious and convoluted as it sounds, that is in fact the most resolved articulation of that essence. And looking at all the varieties of “third genders” that have existed, not that uncommon.

By the time I was 30, and was really finally, openly, in my own shoes, it occurred to me that I just felt most comfortable when people used he/him. If I can’t parse out what is free choice, what is reaction, that comfort when I am most comfortable is my only guide. Even if “man” is the most boring choice, that sounds like a choice I would make.

6) I always snicker along with the bros in my head when some polite, perfectly decent person sees me and I am so androgynous that they feel the need to walk on eggshells with “they/them” pronouns, even though I have not asked for that. That is repression. And identifying with your haters. There’s still the daily cowardice of being quiet about my sexuality and gender explicitly, even if I am always very bold in particulars. I defend my own right, absolutely, to be feminine, a wimp, to be confusing to old people without apology, to enjoy dick, to be insane about girls, to be ugly and sexual simultaneously. But I never jump up and say I’m This, or That. I just don’t know who I adequately represent. This is probably more of a symptom of my individualism and it’s hazy, obscuring after-effects. I’m just not a joiner. And if I’m accepting, and accepted, I never hold a flag on behalf of any party. I think this is probably right, it’s own way, but an unresolved hindrance none-the-less.

7) My friend Simone, must speak for herself, but cannot. They must speak for themselves, but they cannot. He must speak for himself, but he cannot. So others will speak for her, even though it’s impossible. Others will speak for them, though it is impossible. Others speak for him, and they speak for themselves, and there are only distances, but each path must be an act of love and care, clumsy, inadequate, labor and freedom both, without end.

[canon-notcanon-warriorcats]

Hello Warrior Cats blog, I'm writing something featuring an mtf character, and I just have a small question. Prior to her transitioning, she always went by the nickname "Ollie", rather than her deadname. After she transitions, she legally has her name changed to "Olivia", but still prefers to go by Ollie, because it's the nickname that's always been used and she sees it as separate to her deadname. Does that make sense or? And I'm sorry if you don't really know, I've just seen you speaking about trans stuff a lot, but obviously you're not a word-of-god authority on transgender folk.

first of all i absolutely love how you worded the start of this ask like

yes

that's me

THE Warrior Cats Blog

anyway i think it's absolutely fine for her to keep her nickname! nicknames can become very important to people and people can keep them even if they change their name, also i think ollie is a very cute name in general

trans or non-binary people don't have to change their names if they don't want to and that includes nicknames, some people are very attached to them and don't want to change them and that's perfectly valid and fine, names don't have genders (if the person with the name doesn't want their name to have a gender) if a trans girl or trans femme people can decide to keep their birthname if they still want it even if their name is like david or mark or something and trans boys and trans masc people can keep their birthnames even if their name is like alice or molly, etc

i'm genderfluid and non-binary and i've thought about it for a long time and i decided not to change my first name even though it's a feminine name cause i still like it! i don't feel like i could think of a different name to be called by (i do however have multiple middle names/middle name options i'm thinking of because i don't like my middle name because it's TOO feminine for me)

so yes, it's absolutely fine for olivia to still go by ollie, i think it's really cute and i think it could even be like a cute way of symbolizing that like olivia is still who she was before she transitioned, she still has the same personality and same soul as before she transitioned and before she came out, she was always like this and she doesn't have to change for anyone

[aroclawthornes]

Blooming Brilliant, an Aroace Willow Park Manifesto

[id: a gif of a heart locket opening. One half of the locket displays a picture of Willow Park from The Owl House, winking and making peace signs with her fingers. Blue and yellow stars surround her. The other half reads "willow park my beloved." /end id.]

Greetings! It’s me, User Aroclawthornes, and instead of working on all the time-sensitive homework I have I sat down and wrote an essay explaining why I think Willow Park OwlHouse could plausibly be read as aroace, and why it would be a thematically enriching interpretation. I’ve never written anything like this before, so it’s oddly formal, a little pretentious, and contains a lot of qualifying language, but I'm confident that it gets my point across. I’m not intending to speak over other interpretations of Willow or assert that it's the only true way to read her, but it's a headcanon I find interesting, and I think there’s a lot of evidence to back it up, between certain elements that Willow’s arc employs to some good old overanalysed symbolism. If you're aspec, I hope this is validating; if you're not, I hope it's interesting; if you don't care, scrolling past it is quick, free, and easy.

Some disclaimers on terminology: I’m speaking from an aroace perspective, and so when I say “aspec coding” I’m generally referring to both orientations as a catch-all - a lot of the coding surrounding Willow could go either way. I’m also going to be talking about commonly accepted “aspec” narratives, but I’m aware of the limitations of this insofar as my experiences are only a single facet of the diverse range of aspec people in this world, so anyone who wants to add or argue anything - respectfully - is encouraged to.

Analysis below the cut!

The Thing About Plants

I’m not going to pretend that an association with plants is historically indicative of aspec coding, because, frankly, there haven’t been enough aspec characters to establish it as a convention, and it’s also a fairly wide-reaching branch of symbolism. However, I am going to propose that lighthearted comparisons between asexual people and plants (however misguided on functions of plant reproduction they are) are fairly common elements of budding ace teenage humour, as are related quips about photosynthesis.

[id: a screenshot of Willow from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her sitting on the ground while casting a spell over a small, pink flower. /end id.]

I’m also not going to claim that the colour green Belongs To Aromantics, and therefore that All Plants Are Belong To Us, but in tandem with everything else I’m about to cover, the connection between Willow and plants seems like a fairly plausible nudge to a relatively common element of aspec humour.

“Half-a-witch” Willow and the Late Bloomer Experience

[id: a screenshot of Willow with glowing green eyes, from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her summoning a mess of thorned vines. /end id]

Willow is literally nicknamed “half-a-witch”, in reference to her supposedly incomplete state - this is a sentiment eerily reminiscent of the pressure to find one’s “other half”, which affects aspec - especially aromantic - people particularly profoundly. She’s considered a late bloomer, someone who hasn’t reached the societal milestones of growth at the expected age, and who is derided and considered immature as a result of this perceived failure. However, we quickly discover that Willow is, in fact, an exceptionally competent and powerful witch - taken out of the restricting frame of the Abominations track, she’s able to grow into her own, “complete” person, therefore proving that she was never really lacking in anything in the first place. Like real-life aroace people, she was perceived as limited and immature based on the expectations and judgements of other people, but Willow was never deficient in anything, least of all herself.

[id: a screenshot of Willow and Luz from "I Was A Teenage Abomination". They are holding hands - the former is laughing with her eyes closed, and the latter is grinning, while covered in abomination goop. /end id]

As far as symbolism goes...the track Willow is initially put in literally requires her to conjure up another humanoid entity, with the expectation that she will therefore prove herself to be a whole and mature person. Only with this ability, she’s told, will she be successful and happy as an adult. The shapelessness of her attempts at conjuring an abomination reinforces this connection in my mind - if I may reference this quote from Ducktales 2017‘s (absolutely stellar) A Nightmare On Killmotor Hill, in which the protagonists explore their own subconscious fears via. the dream realm, for a second:

“I think that’s supposed to be my romantic interest, but I’m too threatened by the concept, so it never takes shape.”

A lot of young aroace people find themselves in situations where they attempt to convince themself of their interest in someone in an attempt to be “normal,” or end up lying in response to family members or friends’ questions about crushes. While Willow’s abominations, first and foremost, represent the expectations from her school, classmates, and family to be a successful, “complete” witch with a profitable future, I think that with an aroace interpretation of Willow they could also very easily be read as representing some latent insecurities over a lack of attraction, or pressure to find a significant other.

(I’m not condemning Willow’s dads, by the way - they seem like perfectly lovely fellas, and I’m confident that they were doing what they thought was best for her. They’re certainly very quick to drop everything to assure her future in Escaping Expulsion, so obviously they care about their daughter very much.)

Greens, Blues, and Yellows: Colour-Coding Willow Park

A while back, I made this post comparing Willow’s palette to the aromantic and aroace flags:

[id: a screenshot of a post depicting the aromantic and aromantic asexual flags, colour-picked from images of Willow in her Hexside uniform and casual dress respectively - these are overlaid on top of the flags. The caption reads "observations on willow park". /end id.]

The grey-and-green aromantic flag has long been the accepted mainstream symbol of aromanticism, and, as the above post - and many others - demonstrate, Willow’s palette reflects it near-perfectly. This could easily be a coincidence, owing to the palette of the standard Hexside Plant Track uniform, as well as her hair and eye colours - which are obviously supposed to be reflective of her plant-related abilities. However, given how fond of employing hidden meanings The Owl House has shown itself to be, I don’t think it’s far-fetched to claim that there’s at least a chance that her palette was constructed with the flag in mind.

The latter is...a bit more problematic for me, although it’s fun to joke about. The blue-and-yellow aroace flag was only created in December 2018, relatively late into The Owl House’s initial production, and it’s still relatively obscure, although on the rise in popularity as the accepted aroace flag (I only recently started using it myself), so I don’t know if Willow’s casual wear is enough to verify the presence of any deliberate subtext. I think it’s a fun coincidence, however, and (as was pointed out in this post) it’s cool that these blue and yellow stars surrounding Willow occur in the same frame as Luz’s bisexual decor:

[id: a photograph of Luz, Gus, and Willow, all surrounding a disgruntled-looking Principal Bump. Luz has flowers in the colours of the bisexual flag decorating her hair, while Willow is surrounded by bright blue and yellow stars. /end id.]

also seen above: powerful bi/aspec solidarity

Conclusion:

Do I genuinely believe that Willow is being deliberately written this way? If you’d asked me, say, two months ago, I’d have said probably not - as far as queer representation in kids’ cartoons has come, it has a ways to go, and focusing on transgender characters seems like a more obvious (and equally invaluable) route to go down. I can name maybe five explicitly aspec characters off the top of my head, two of whom have been written as alloromantic and/or sexual in adaptations or continuations of the source material (I have...some grievances with 2005 Doctor Who). But the emergence of Raine, an explicitly nonbinary character on Disney Channel, has given me a little spark of hope, and so, even if it’s never confirmed, it’s comforting to be able to see a character with such strong elements of aspec coding and think to myself, just maybe, that there might be some intent behind it.

I also...really want to see interesting things done with Willow. We’re halfway through Season 2, and despite some promising setup for her arc in the Season 1 finale, she’s sort of been left by the wayside lately in favour of developing the more “plot-relevant” characters, such as Luz, Amity, Eda, and Hunter. Frankly, I think it’s a disservice to her Season 1 development, despite how much I adore all the characters I just listed - beyond any personal motivation, the prospect that Willow could be aroace adds a lot of sorely-sought depth to her, and, as detailed, a lot of this has already been set up in her earlier episodes. I just...I think it’d be neat. Rarely do you get a kids’ show so brazenly queer in its themes as Owl House, and aspec people deserve to be included in that.

Willow would also be great aroace representation because, well - those five or so aspec characters I mentioned being aware of are all white or “raceless” (...also written as white, basically), and so an aspec Asian character would be a really lovely step forward in this area. Additionally, all the characters I referred to are also conventionally skinny, and Willow is not only fat, but written in a way that doesn’t treat this feature as a caricature. People who are more knowledgeable on these topics than I are absolutely free to make additions, as is anyone who feels like I’ve left certain details out.

tl;dr: Willow’s association with plants could be read as a cool nod to aspec humour, her “late bloomer” narrative is eerily reminiscent of some common aspec experiences, her palette speaks for itself, and it’d be really cool if we could diversify the so-far fairly bland sphere of aspec representation.

I’m going to conclude this by linking Rose by The Oh Hellos, because they’re my favourite band, they share The Owl House’s initials, and I also think it’s a good Willow song. Peace out.

[girldraki]

Can you elaborate on what i.d is supposed to be about? As well as what your possible interpretation is

Although I love the song (and have for a while) I've personally had a bit of a hard time discerning the meaning, intentional or not (I also see the system interpretation a little easier than the trans one, although I am trans and not a system to my knowledge)

uhh so i guess this is partly bc we read a lot of other trans content, but the song is imo a pretty classic example of an extant form of trans symbolism where Genderfeels are distilled into a partially-distinct entity within the pov character's head who keeps popping up and reminding them of their feelings-- like, maybe you've seen "different reflection in the mirror" type stuff, it's like that but taken a little farther (and, anecdotally, seems to represent a real kind of compartmentalization at least some closeted trans people use to process).

usually the focus is on the internal dissonance between the closeted pov character and this trans/differently-gendered version of themself who at once represents something they viscerally desire and want/need to reconcile with and that they categorically cannot accept because that would entail dismantling their identity, and the resolution is always focused on self-acceptance and coming to terms with this trans self.

(it's one of the kinds of trans symbolism that most often lends itself incidentally to plural double-meaning when the work is vague enough about it due to this being a literal process systems have to go through to function well; an adjacent example we'd point to is madeline/badeline from celeste who at once made a lot of trans people point to madeline as a clearly trans character, again, she's in conflict with her reflection who she needs to come to terms with to grow, and systems to point at her as a literal representation of something they have gone through.)

in terms of the song itself... well, the lyrics themselves aren't explicit, which is why the Sysfeels interpretation is itself even possible, but if you recognize this form of symbolism it's fairly straightforward. under the cut because this is long enough as is

so like, uh, obviously the song is called "i.d." as in identity (or i guess identification like the single art), which is basically the first clue. and then the lyrics-- ok. i guess we'll do this roughly in order?

so. penny's first lines indicate that she and the other pov character have been stuck on some issue for a very long time, and you'd think she'd be sick of this by now but she keeps coming back to it. chi-chi's first lines elaborate that the issue she represents and which the two of them have been grappling with is so important and so fundamental to them that if. God this is a nightmare to word. the first pov character were to lose her it would basically destroy her.

so notably this narrative seems to open already part or most of the way to acceptance, because the entire song centers on the two characters calling out to each other to attempt some kind of synthesis, which we get to by penny's second part in the first verse-- "how hard can coexistence be?"

and ok THEN we make it to the chorus which at once scans to us as one of the most obviously trans parts of the song and which is objectively one of the most oblique.

so. with the context of this entire codified symbolism from above here. "if i stopped myself when you showed up and interrogated your presence it would be easier to dismiss you outright, but i never do it fast enough and what you represent gets in my mind. it's been this way ever since--" cutting the paraphrase to directly quote "you told me your name", which while we feel a bit pepe silvia saying this DOES scan to us as, like, Very Transgender because of the sheer symbolic importance names can Have etc etc you know this you're trans too.

the first part of the second verse is a little less interesting, just chi-chi's character saying penny's character shouldn't be so afraid, she can handle this, and honestly she's incomplete as is.

then penny's part-- "if i spend all my time as what i'm not then i would find it in me to tell you to leave", and, okay, again you are trans and we are trying not to explain basic transness to someone who knows it, just. The thing people do where they overcompensate performing their assigned gender as a way of deflecting or suppressing their desire to go in the other direction, which of course doesn't tend to fully work, "here you are and you won't".

then chi-chi's part is also uhhh pretty straightforward. come on, we can coexist, are we seriously beyond it, and then the Chorus which we've already gone through but will note that chi-chi's voice is much more obviously present as her character's argument gains ground.

and then, ok, the outro we've lyrically gone through bc it's another repeat but the obvious thing the song is designed for you to notice is that chi-chi's voice comes in partway through and eventually eclipses penny's. coming to terms with it.

SO! that's the long and detailed trans symbolism reading! the system one is shorter because it is just a literal read of the narrative the song presents and doesnt fit as well in some places.

Uh.

realizing you're a system, if you're in the kind of system that has to realize that, is very difficult. you grow up in a society built for singlets and you assume you must be one too and you maybe even think ~multiple personality disorder~ is actually fake because those people are delusional and then suddenly there's another voice in your head and taking control of your body and your entire identity is falling apart at the seams and you have to reconcile this impossible to reconcile thing that will make you a social pariah. like you literally have to if you want to function long term in any way.

(as someone(s) who have come to terms with both being trans and a system, it. Yeah. there's some similarities.)

so a lot of hosts tend to just fucking pretend the whole thing isn't happening and you get this weeks or months or worst case years long scenario where the host (rarely even everyone else) is arguing This Isn't Happening LOL and very obviously it is and, like, the only good ending is that everyone involved acknowledges each other as people and works together to whatever collective goal. which is... there's some nuance to why the symbolism we explained above has plural double-meanings, like obviously there is the More Than One of it but there's also the absolute need for mutual acceptance as a prerequisite for growth. madeline/badeline again being a prime example.

so with all that considered the secondary read is a pretty straightforward dialogue of, like, the narrative we explained above but. more . literal. "i keep coming back to this question/i'm fundamental to you and you can't lose me/are you listening? can we coexist?" and then-- the chorus works a little differently when taken literally, it's the same basic idea but "you get in my mind" is more. Uh. tangible and "since you told me your name" is... names are also important to systems albeit in a slightly different way. they are a very concrete form of self-definition and importantly distinction from the whole. and then uhh the second verse on is basically what we've already analyzed but in a system way instead of a trans way so

SO uuhhh if you read this genuine fucking probably over 1k essay that took almost two hours to write thank you for that. apparently we have Thoughts on this matter! and if you are someone who has not listened to the song you should go listen to it. it really is good.

[el-oh-her]

You CAN be oppressed for being Christian. You CANT be opressed for being white: an opinion from a religion student

Okay so obviously the first thing you’re gonna want to say is how I’m wrong and just whining. That’s just an indication you don’t actually care what I have to say. 

SO, let’s talk about this distinction. 

Christians 

You CAN be oppresed as a christianity. It has happened. A bunch of times throughout history! When Christianity emerged it was an oppressed group in Rome. In Japan christians were being tortured and executed for their faith in paranoia of losing parts of their culture (fearing culteral erasure is a valid fear, murdering people is still wrong). People moved to mainland america BECAUSE they were christians fleeing religious opression. 

The fish symbol 

This, was a symbol for christians to identify each other in secret. 

Even in America it has happened. When the Irish were fleeing the famine, a lot migrated to the United States and one of the many reasons they were not liked was because the majority of them were Catholics. Catholics historically have had a terrible time in the united states, and are often blamed for a LOT of shit. JFK and Amy Coney Barret (look I don’t like the lady but it did happen with her) both faced an unusual line of questioning regarding their catholic faith that was not obersved with protestants who were applying for the same position. There’s a reason why Catholics will distinguish themselves from christians, because again it’s an idenity that unites them. So, even within the christian faith, there is a denomination that isn’t exactly loved. 

Now, it’s worth to note this hate of Catholics comes from centuries of catholic opression in europe. So, is the anger unfounded? No. Does that mean everyone should be nice to catholics? NO. It’s the catholic’s job to be better than their ancestors, and if they’re not doing that, then they’re just as much as apart of the problem. 

This same thing applies to modern christains in America. The hate and distrust towards them is due to 200 years of being oppressive. So, is the anger unfounded? No. Does that mean you should just be nice to christians? NO. If they are being assholes, they are just as bad as their ancestors. 

There are christians who are not like the shit you see on TV, I promise. But don’t be nice to ANYONE who’s an asshole because they belong to one group or another. That’s just life. There is no community that will ever absolve you from being an asshole. But also, don’t be mean to a christian just because that’s what they are. Don’t be mean to anyone because they’re apart of one group or another. That’s just not nice. And no one is going to be able to get along if you’re just mean, even if it is a group that has been on top historically. A kind person is a kind person at the end of the day, and a mean one is a mean one. 

And just to note: if someone is debating whether or not human rights belong to one group or another, that is not a nice person. I know plenty of christians (for example) who are very pro choice, pro gay, pro women, pro science etc. You don’t have to like someone if they really believe that your human rights aren’t necessary. 

Are christians being oppressed in America right now? No. No they are not. The WORST thing happening is that genuine practioners are going to have to navigate the social sphere with the lasting effect christian conservative radicles. That is a challenge that christians will just have to deal with, and is a result of letting shit like this get out of hand. 

So to conclude: Christians can and have historically been opressed, but they aren’t currently being opressed in America. 

White

Now, I am sure that after offending the liberal side, now the conservative side is angry because I said you can’t be oppressed for being white. 

Here is the important distinction: You can be a white person who has faced opression, but that opression will never be because you are white. 

The concept of whiteness is not an old concept. It’s emergence was to “other” certain minority groups. It only exists to create a distinction between groups, most noteably the difference between white and POC. 

Because when you think about it, what even is white? “White” is basically an umbrella term for “Pale skinned, usually european, usually protestant, usually straight, usually wealthy” or “Pale skinned americans who are usually european, usually protestant, usually straight, usually wealthy.” There is a white culture, but not in the way we usually talk about culture. It’s exclusionary at its base, and anyone who fits the bar gains all the benefits of being white. 

Like I hate to be that gal, but if I were asked to describe a white person I would say “A white, straight, protestant, billionare man from the south.” And that doesn’t exist for no reason. Historically, (besides the south part) the white straight protestant wealthy man was a pinacale american, and it’s only through the fight for human rights that the tearm has broadened enough to where being white is mostly just being pale. Like, make no mistake, today the only checkbox you have to tick is looking white, and you’re going to be able to go far. 

White supremecy is often tied to american patriotism. So let’s look at the things that people have said that makes others unamerican, or what is considered the socially undesireable in America in the eyes of white supremecists 

Being Gay 

Being transgender 

Not adhereing to gender binaries 

Being Mulsim 

Being Jewish 

Being homeless  

Being poor 

(in history) being a woman 

Feminine men 

Men wearing skirts and dresses 

Being black 

Being mexican 

Fighting for Social Justice 

Speaking languages that are not English (ASL excluded, since I’ve never seen it, but feel free to comment) 

So, if these are the things that the white supremecists point as unamerican or undeseraible, it’s an indication that these are qualities that are considered “not white” That is the closest thing we can get to white culture--a culture based on exclusion. 

In modern day, being white can get you far. It’s important to know that historically, being white alone wasn’t enough. we know this from the Irish who were catholic, and poor and fleeing a famine. White was this VIP club that was nearly impossible to get into. 

So, if being White is this exclusionary club that only emerged to other minority groups, then you can’t opresss it. “White” is synonomous with “Oppressor” because of this historical context. What this means is that IF people were being prejuduced for being nothing but white, they wouldn’t be white anymore in this sense. The quality of being white would no longer be something that lets you into the this exclusive club. 

And also, white people will NEVER be oppressed because that’s not really how society WORKS anymore. In a dystopic novel MAYBE, but in reality, all the oppressed groups aren’t like “kill all white people” but are rather like “hey, how about white people and anyone that’s not a white people be treated exactly the same socially and systemically.” Do you know how much WORK it would take to systematically oppress white people? Do you really think, that the people who want diveristy want to kick white people out of the circle? No! No! That’s NOT how it works! Diveristy is for everyone, even white people because guess what: there is more to you than being just WHITE! 

You have an ethnicity that’s not white. You’re irish, or german, or french or African or something!!!. Just fucking pick one and be proud of being THAT and not an idenity that literally exists to oppress. Being proud of being AMERICAN isn’t a fucking bad thing, being proud ot be WHITE is. 

Even if you are rich, male, straight, cisgender, and protestant, those are all still groups you belong to that can harmoniously co-exist with other groups. 

BLACK people have a black culture because, ding dong, white people took them and enslaved them. They don’t have the privlage of knowing their ethnic origin, and were FORCED to make a whole ass new one. THAT’S why there’s a black culture. It’s a direct result of white oppression, so quit bitching about it. 

PEOPLE OF COLOR have united to create a culture becuse of 2 CENTURIES of being othered by WHITE PEOPLE. THAT’S why they have a culture. Pan Indianism is a result of dumbass white people grouping them all together and stupidly thinking they’re all the same. They united in solidarity because it was the only way to keep a fragment of their idenity. The White Idenity has always tried to destory anything that doesn’t fit Whiteness. 

Why, fucking WHY would you want to be proud of that? 

You can be white and face oppression for being gay, trans, a woman, poor, akward or anything at all. YOUR SKIN COLOR WILL NEVER EVER BE THE REASON WHY YOU’RE BEING TREATED UNFAIRLY.  YOUR SKIN COLOR WILL NEVER MAKE LIFE MORE DIFFICULT FOR YOU. YOUR SKIN IS A PRIVLAGE. I don’t care how much you don’t want to believe it: it will never be becuase you’re white. It will be because of something else. 

In Summery: The concept of white is inherently tied to the concept of oppresssion, since they’ve historically tried (sometimes succesfully) to obliterate other cultures that don’t fit the white aesthetic. You cannot oppress something that’s was literally created to oppress, and is not an idenity worth being proud of. 

The conclusion 

As much as it feels like Christians can’t be oppressed, the fact of the matter is that the religion was not designed or intended to oppress others, and have been historically oppressed. That’s what makes being christian different from being white, because the concept of whiteness emerged as a method of oppression. 

This doesn’t mean you should just be nice to christians because they’re christians. An asshole is an asshole, no matter what idenities they wear. Also, christians aren’t currently being oppressed. The “plights” that the radicales think they’re facing are more so just like, the USA being secular and not appealing to them. 

I feel like they often get mixed together because of how tied up protestantism is with white supremecy. Which is fair, as being protestant is a part of this exclusionary white culture. 

Disclaimer: As I have said many many times, this is not a post that is like “Stop being mean to christians!!!!” An asshole is an asshole. Don’t be nice to people who don’t believe in your human rights. Don’t be nice to people just because they belong to this group or that group. This post, also several times, has stated that in the current climate, christians are not being oppressed, not in the slightest. So when you read about some christian talking about their oppression, it’s most likely the American Government being secular, and refusing to bend for the christian agenda. 

This post’s goal was to show you the distinction between christianity and whiteness, and most importantly show the real enemy: white supremicists. 

[bedbathbrainfart]

Yael and Mulwarra

Hello readers! My apologies that this post is late, it will be the last post in the storytelling series other than my concluding remarks. Thanks for reading!

“Yael and Mulwarra” in Ancient Tales for Modern Kids Stories From Far Away Places. Illust. Vesna Krstanovich and John Mardon. 43-52, Toronto: Key Porter Books, 2000.

Summary:

Yael and Mulwara is an Australian tale about a bird spirit who lives in the sky world, and knows little about humans despite being half human himself. For the spirits who live in the sky world humans are clumsy creatures who lack grace and power. One day during his flying, Yael notices a rather graceful human walking along a cliff and watches as she slips and falls off. Yael rushes over and catches her mid-fall, returning her to safety on the solid ground. Once the girl regains her senses she asks “where am I? And who are you?” Yael explains that he is a bird spirit who can fly, and he saved her from falling off the cliff. The girl introduces herself as Mulwara, and soon the two begin to get along quite well. Yael asks to show Mulwara the world, and does so by holding her while he flies high above clouds showing her all of the beauties from above that she would not otherwise see. The two discover their shared love of nature and fall in love. Yael takes Mulwarra back up into the sky world to meet his father Yarnu, who is very displeased at Mulwara’s presence as humans are forbidden in the sky world. Yarnu was the leader of the sky world, and tried to trick his son into dropping Mulwarra back onto earth to no avail. The two leave the sky world without Yarnu’s blessing and are very disheartened. Yael decides to return to the spirit world by himself to consult his father. His father is pleased and claims Yael has returned to his senses, thinking Yael has abandoned Mulwara. However Yael instead asks for Yarnu to use his power to change Yael from a bird-spirit into a full human. Yarnu is enraged and cannot believe the audacity of his son, he gives a resounding no to Yael.

After some time and deliberation Yael approaches his father with his request again, and his father agrees. With Mulwarra in his arms, Yael stands prepared for his father to cast his magic unto him and turn him into a human. This will leave Yael forbidden from the sky world forever, he will not be able to return but accepts his fate. Yarnu turns Yael into a human and gently guides his son and Mulwarra down to the earth. Upon their arrival back to earth Yael and Mulwara are excited and Mulwara wants Yael to meet her family. When they go to leave however Yael tumbles over, not used to using his human legs yet and has quite a bit of trouble walking. After gaining some stability it was time to meet Mulwara’s family, who are all incredibly suspicious of Yael. Yael has different customs than most humans, and some human customs are also very off-putting for Yael - such as eating poultry. The family eventually asks the two of them to leave, which they do very sadly. The two walk together to the beach, and speak softly to each other wondering if they will ever be accepted by the others’ families and if they could love one another for a long time. While sitting, they notice a large colourful glow coming from the Ocean, it is Yarnu, Yael's father. Yarnu comes to the earth and very quickly spreads a warm blue light over Yael and Mulwarra, they watch as their feet turn to tails and Yarnu tells them he wishes them the most happiness in a place where they can be happy together. The two now-merfolk are ecstatic and lunge into the water, swimming and splashing until they disappear into the horizon forever.

Analysis:

Let me just start off by saying that this story is amazing and it was easily one of my favourites to tell. It is full of adventure and action when told, and the kids absolutely loved it. The best moments in telling this story came at the very end, when Yael and Mulwarra become merfolk and get to live happily ever after in the ocean. I found that this story worked for just about every age level being that it does take about 20 minutes to fully tell. The older kids found the adventures and scariness of Yarnu’s wrath to be really exciting and intriguing, the younger kids hung onto other details like how Yael needed help to walk once he was a human. What everyone picked out as interesting was neat to see in the classroom, kids brains are so cool! Now the story itself had TONS of symbolism throughout it that most if not all of the kids would not have picked up on in the same way adults would, but still understood those small changes. The biggest example in the entire story is that Yael and Mulwarra are both transgender.

Yael is half-bird-half-human and so he has legs like a human but wings like a bird, and a bird-like face. Ther narrative that begins the story tells us that spirits from the sky world see humans as undesirable, that they are clumsy and slow and have nothing to offer of value. Yael did not think these things of Mulwarra though. Firstly we see the immediate connection and that Yael comments on how he has never felt so free with anyone else before, Mulwarra agrees the same. Eventually Yael decides to ask his father to essentially transition into a human from his bird-spirit body, and is met by disdain from his father who does not agree that Yael should become a human. This is devastating for Yael as he can’t be with someone he loves very much. Mulwarra feels similarly and after Yael’s transition she too receives a poor reaction from her family upon introducing Yael to them.This narrative is incredibly similar to many of the coming out stories of transgender youth heard today. Someone comes out to their family members, is met with a negative or un-accepting reaction, and is forced to live as someone they do not want to be or to stay away from those who do not accept them.

Children’s literature does not often represent transgender people, not outwardly, so I found this story to be remarkable in that both characters were made to obviously be transitioning. It is a great way to introduce kids to the LGBTQ community, as many adults and educated are often fearful of explaining to younger audiences that people can love people even if they’re different from one another. However despite there being representation of transgender characters there is also the romanticization of transphobia and the trauma associated with family disapproval. Both families ultimately at first reject their children when they approach them with new partners, and this is romanticized when emphasis is placed on the idea of Yael and Mulwarra running away together. This is a common romance trope used in writing but it must be made clear that there is nothing romantic about being disowned and shunned by your own family. To follow this and add to the romanticization, at the very end of the tale Yarnu reappears with a sudden urge to support his son. This comes after telling Yael that he would be banished for life, his lifestyle choices were unacceptable, that he was no longer a part of the original family he had come from. This is a confusing shift in tone as readers by this point are convinced that Yarnu does not support his son.

Ultimately I found that this story was great for older audiences in the grade 4-6 range, but could easily be modified to be suitable for younger listeners as well. Having a story with marginalized main characters (even in fantasy) helps to show kids that there are many diverse people in the world. I found telling this story to be incredibly fun and challenging, the tale itself requires lots of acting and animation to make it come to life. This was great as it made me harness my best acting skills and pay close attention to what skills would need improving for my public speaking. Overall this story taught me the importance of animation and knowing your audience.

[hazbinhoteltheories]

What if the Demons' names refer to how they died? Like, Angel Dust is another term for PCP and he died of a drug overdose. "Alastor" means "avenger" - maybe he was killed by someone trying to avenge one of his victims?

The Angel Dust one is pretty much canon. The drug he overdosed on was actually angel dust. So he literally named himself after the drug that killed him. The Alastor one also makes a lot of sense. He was a serial killer, so chances are a lot of people wanted him dead. 

As for everyone else, I don’t know if I could link everyone’s names to their deaths. I think a lot of them are tied more to their personalities and who they are as characters. But if it was true that all their names refer to how they died, it would make for some clever foreshadowing and it would be fun to make guesses on how they died. And I do think some of their names are, at least partially, tied to their deaths and for the sake of interaction, and because I overthought one of these submissions again I’m going to go ahead and list those and what I think each character’s name means in general.  

Vaggie: Vaggie’s name started out as a joke. It was going to be short for Vagena and no prizes shall be given for what some of the others mostly Angel Dust would have called her. I have no way of knowing if this is still true, as this information came from her earliest concepts, but I think it is because Vaggie’s nickname/the name most people call her hasn’t changed.

Husk: The word husk means an outer shell and an empty husk is vacant and hollow, with nothing on the inside. This word is often used to describe people who have lost all the qualities they had before. Or people who don’t have anything within them at all. This is so in sync with Husk’s character, it’s almost self-explanatory why he chose it but I think it could have a double meaning. Given that Husk struggles with a gambling addiction and that he lived to be an old man, I think it could represent what was left of him by the time he died. After he had long since lost everything.     

Nifty: Nifty is a somewhat dated trendy buzz word. The 1950′s equivalent of neat or cool. But its actual definition, or at least the main one, is particularly good, skilful or effective. This could mean that Nifty herself is highly skilled or very good at what she does, which is why she works for Alastor. But of all the characters in Hazbin Hotel, I think Nifty might have put the least amount of thought into what she wanted people to call her. So even though I think the potential for a deeper meaning is there, I think consciously, she just went with her favourite word. 

Katie Killjoy: I think Kaite took inspiration for the name she chose from her job. News anchors cover all the terrible things that happen in the world and broadcast far more bad news than good. Most news stories are really depressing and I think Katie was aware of this. I think she knew full well that her reports were bumming people out. That, even if the people watching at home were in a good mood, she sucked out anything positive they were feeling with her daily reminders that the world sucks. To them, she was a downer. A buzzkill. A Killjoy. 

Tom Trench: Here’s one whose name I think does tie in solely with his death. I think he literally died in a trench while fighting in the First World War. Possibly from a gas attack, which is why he’s stuck wearing a gas mask all the time.

Mimzy: Mimzy is a nonce-word created by Lewis Caroll and it means a blend of miserable and flimsy. The only thing I have to say about that other than yeesh is that having this be her name could really mean anything. It could refer to her career or a relationship or just her life in general. It could maybe, not really likely, have a tiny per cent chance of being tied to her death. If the only guess I have for how she died somehow turned out to be miraculously right. I always had a feeling Mimzy was sentenced to death for the crime of murder, just because she strikes me as the type that would poison her husband for the insurance money. If that turned out to be true, it could symbolize how she tried to appeal her sentence and lost. Prisons tend to take their sweet time when it comes to executing someone on death row. This would have especially been the case for Mimzy, as I don’t think they would have been keen to execute a woman in the 1920′s. She might have had time to make multiple appeals for a lesser sentence only for them all to be denied and the word that became her name might have been the best word to describe how she felt. About the fairness of her trials and to have her hopes for survival dashed over and over.

Baxter: I couldn’t find much about Baxter’s name I thought could mean anything. It’s an Anglo-Saxon/Scottish name meaning Baker and it’s more commonly a surname than an actual name. I doubt very much that Baxter was a baker when he was alive but there was a form of this name, Bakster, that was feminine, with Baker being the masculine equivalent. So for anyone who thinks Baxter might be transgender, that could be more fuel to add to the fire. Or that could be me grasping at straws. Other than that, I’ve really got nothing other than pure guesses. It might have been an alias he took on. It might have been the name of someone he was close to and wanted to remember. Or it might have been his real name and he couldn’t be bothered to change it. 

Crymini: Crymini’s name is taken from the word Criminy. Which is basically a mild oath expressing surprise or disbelief. I think those two words could some her entire outlook of the situation she’s in. Surprised that she died so young. Disbelief that she’s in hell. A place she might not have even believed was real. Or that her death came out of nowhere and happened in a way she would have never seen coming. I also think the way her name is spelt is quite interesting. Obviously, if this was a mistake, it would have been corrected by now so it must have been intentional. It looks like her name is comprised of two words, cry and mini and perhaps this was a way of giving yet another character’s name a double meaning. Perhaps these words refer to Crymini being in despair and feeling small or insignificant. 

So there you go. To some it up, I think the ideas and meanings behind the names of each of Hazbin Hotel’s characters are different and unique to them. And while there could be lots of different things their names refer to, one of them could indeed be how they died.

[cruelangelstheses]

the path to girlhood

fandom: love live! rating: T characters: rin hoshizora, hanayo koizumi words: 3.9k additional tags: character study, au, trans girl rin, bullying, internalized transphobia, high school description: rin struggles to accept herself at her new school when she discovers a love for dancing. a/n: hello hello!! i wrote this a little over a month ago and decided to finally polish it and post it! this au is pretty similar to canon except that they’re just regular high school girls and not idols. i promise it’s not as angsty as the tags make it seem!! i will never write write a fic in which rin hoshizora is cis. happy pride to my fellow Transes of Gender <3 title comes from kururin miracle aka rin’s Trans Song. i love her so much. that's my fuckign daughter

read it on ao3

—

On the first day of high school, Rin Hoshizora goes to school in a skirt.

She hasn’t worn one out in public since she was a child, having resigned herself to hiding inside hoodies and sweatpants. As she wanders the unfamiliar hallways, Rin tries not to be conscious of the way some of her peers sneak curious glances at her from behind notebooks or open locker doors. If nothing else, she hopes the button on her backpack—a striped flag of pink, white, and blue—will be enough to clue them in, if any of them even know what it symbolizes.

Last month, Rin’s parents successfully enrolled her into the local but relatively well-regarded Otonokizaka Academy for Girls, mainly thanks to “proof” from her doctor that she has, in fact, started taking hormones and that she is, in fact, a Real Trans Girl, whatever that means. It’s an old, impressive school with plenty of extracurriculars and classes to choose from, and her best friend, Hanayo, goes there, too. Most importantly, though, it’s a chance to reinvent herself, to meet new people who don’t know her dead name—to make a statement, simply by wearing the Otonokizaka uniform and sitting in an Otonokizaka classroom, that says, I am a girl just as you are.

So far, it doesn’t feel quite as empowering as she thought it would.

Instead, she feels like a newborn baby, cut from the umbilical cord of the closet, naked and confused as she’s thrust into a strange new world. There’s no turning back now, no chance to abort the mission. All she can do is step forward into the light, with all the beauty and danger that it brings.

—

When Rin steps into her homeroom class, a soft, familiar voice calls out, “Rin-chan!”

Hanayo jumps up out of her chair and scurries over, her red glasses bouncing on her face. Rin grins and wraps her arms around her, squeezing her tightly, and for just a moment, she forgets about the rest of the world. There’s nothing outside this classroom, nothing outside her best friend’s warm embrace.

Rin opens her mouth to say something, anything—a how have you been or a help me please I don’t know if I can do this—but she doesn’t get the chance, because then the bell rings, and the homeroom teacher strides into the room. In a flurry, the students rush to their desks. Hanayo has saved a seat for Rin in the back, right next to her, and Rin sighs in relief as she slides into the chair.

While the teacher introduces herself, Rin scans the room, searching for any sign of a reaction from her classmates. Most of them are facing forward, listening or at least pretending to listen to the teacher. One girl sitting a few seats away pokes her friend on the shoulder and gestures to Rin. “Wow,” she mutters, just loud enough that it’s clear she wants Rin to hear it. “They’ll let anyone in this school, huh?”

Rin’s face heats up, and she quickly looks away, down at her empty notebook. In an attempt to seem nonchalant, she pulls a pen out of her pencil case and starts doodling a cat to distract herself. She likes her short hair—it’s cute and easy to manage, and it doesn’t get in her face when she’s playing sports—but suddenly she wishes it were longer so she could hide behind it. That probably wouldn’t work too well, though—before long, she’s sure her peers will be able to recognize her just by her decidedly unfeminine frame.

“Psst,” Hanayo whispers, and Rin turns her head to look at her. Hanayo props up her notebook horizontally. On an otherwise clean page, she’s written in pretty, curly handwriting, I believe in you! with little hearts all around it.

Rin flashes her a tiny smile and mouths a thank-you, but she still can’t shake the feeling that everything about her is wrong. Her knees are too knobby, her handwriting isn’t neat enough, her voice is too loud. She feels like a randomized Sim, like someone just threw together a collection of traits and lumped them all into a person. She’d like to give the spirits a “You Tried” sticker.

—

Rin likes talking to people. She likes jumping in on a conversation about athletics or music or pets and talking about her favorite type of cat (orange tabbies, obviously) or her favorite sports (how could she choose just one?). She likes introducing herself to those who look shy or lonely—in fact, it’s how she met Hanayo. Today, though, she finds herself infuriatingly tongue-tied, stumbling over her words in a way she never has before. Though she attempts, as always, to appear friendly, most of the girls she talks to seem to be at least somewhat uncomfortable with or uninterested in her presence, as if they’re just waiting for her to go away. The last thing Rin wants is to make someone unhappy or upset, so once she senses that she isn’t quite welcome in a particular group or conversation, she politely withdraws from it.

When Rin walks into the bathroom, all the girls that were hanging out and doing their makeup immediately grab their things and leave.

Rin overhears a few more rude comments throughout the day, but no one is overly confrontational. She finds herself pondering over girls and the way they show aggression—how girls who speak disparagingly about others behind their backs are referred to as “catty,” while physical fights between girls are often called “catfights.” Either way, aggressive or passive-aggressive, dealing in physical damage or emotional, girls are consistently compared to cats. It’s unfair to cats, Rin thinks, to associate them only with animosity and violence. Cats can be sweet and loving, too. Cats wouldn’t hate her just for wearing skirts or referring to herself as a “she.”

“Rin-chan,” Hanayo says later that day when they walk home from school together, “are you going to join any clubs or activities? They’ve got a lot of sports.”

“I might do soccer,” Rin replies, “and maybe basketball in the winter. But I’ll have to try it out first to see if I like it.”

Hanayo raises an eyebrow but says nothing. Rin loves soccer; they both know she loves soccer. What Rin’s really saying is, I’ll have to see if I’m treated in a way that deters me from playing.

“Well, if you don’t like it,” Hanayo says delicately, “you could do other sports that aren’t team-oriented. There’s track and cross-country. And there’s dance.”

“Dance?” Rin repeats. “What makes you think I’d be any good at that?”

“Well, you’re so coordinated, and you have really good stamina,” Hanayo says, twirling a strand of light brown hair. “And you like music. It looks like it’d be really fun.”

“You should do it, then,” Rin says, not unkindly.

Hanayo chuckles sheepishly. “I’d like to, but I’ve been too nervous to go by myself. Maybe you could come with me? Just to the first couple of meetings.”

Rin frowns. It’s not that she dislikes the idea of dancing, necessarily; she’s just never considered it. Dancing is for pretty girls with limbs as pliable as putty and skin softer than rose petals, not a scrappy little transgender tomboy with scraped-up knees and a finger that didn’t heal properly because she took it out of the splint before she was supposed to. Dancing is for girls who would never be mistaken for boys.

“The people there seem really nice,” Hanayo adds. “And I’ll be with you, remember?”

After a few moments, Rin finds herself nodding slowly. “Okay,” she says, trying to picture herself dancing to pop music or classical arrangements. It doesn’t quite feel right. “But if it falls on the same day as soccer, I’m choosing soccer.”

—

At the first soccer practice, they have a scrimmage against one another. It’s a perfect chance for Rin to show her teammates what she can do, to earn their trust and start to build camaraderie just like when she played on boys’ teams. Within the first few minutes of the mock game, however, it becomes abundantly clear that most of the girls have no interest in establishing a rapport with her. Some shift uncomfortably whenever she’s near. Others, especially those on defense, play particularly aggressively with her, pressing so close to her that they almost touch, nearly shoving her out of the way, or “accidentally” kicking at her heels when attempting to steal the ball from her. Nearly all of them seem to refuse to pass her the ball, even when she’s wide open, and even though she’s one of the fastest and most experienced members, so that the only times she ever actually manages to get it are when she steals it from the other side. The coach claps whenever Rin scores a goal, but hardly anyone else does, and it only seems to be out of politeness.

At the end of the practice, Rin is about ready to fall over in exhaustion, but not in a good way. She doesn’t think she’s ever had to work so hard in her life to try to make people like her, or at least play nice with her.

Hanayo texts her that evening. How’d it go?

Not great :-( I think I’ll come with you tomorrow to the dance club, Rin responds.

Hanayo’s reply comes a few seconds later. Oh no I’m so sorry!! Tomorrow will be better I promise!!

Rin sighs and flops down on her bed. “I sure hope so,” she mumbles to no one as she stares blankly across the room. A dress she bought online hangs on her closet door, unworn.

—

The room used for the dance club is similar to a gymnasium, except that it’s smaller and has walls made entirely of mirrors. When Rin steps out onto the hardwood floor and sees a few other girls chatting in the center of the room with a dance instructor, her chest tightens.

Beside her, Hanayo takes a deep breath. “I’m nervous, too,” she says, taking Rin’s hand in her own. “But we’re here together.”

They amble up to the small group, and the dance instructor turns to them with a smile. “Oh! It’s so good to see some new faces,” she says. “You can call me Miyazaki-sensei.”

“Hi,” Rin and Hanayo say in unison. They both giggle nervously.

“Hey, there’s no need to be nervous!” says a spunky girl with a side ponytail. “Anyone can learn to dance. I’m living proof! Plus it’d make great material for the talent show!”

Rin and Hanayo exchange glances. “Talent show?” Rin says.

“Yeah!” the girl says. “Every year right before summer break, the school holds a talent show. Anyone can enter! It’s really fun! Last year Kotori-chan, Umi-chan, and I performed as a trio,” she gestures to the other two girls in the room, “and we’re hoping to do it again this year! Sign-ups should be—uhhh, Umi-chan, when are the sign-ups again?”

One of the girls, Umi, sighs in exasperation, but there’s a hint of a smile on her face. “Two Mondays from now. So not this coming Monday, but the one after that.”

“Great!” says the ponytail girl. Turning back to Rin and Hanayo, she adds, “Are you two friends? You should perform as a duo! It would be so cute! I bet I could find the perfect song for you guys—”

Miyazaki holds up a hand. “Why don’t we see if they actually enjoy it first, hm?” she says, amused.

First, they go around and introduce themselves. Miyazaki and the other girls seem nice enough; in fact, Rin thinks she saw Honoka, the ponytail girl, smile and wave at her as she walked into Otonokizaka on the first day of class. She appears to just love and accept everyone; her sincerity is almost childish, but charming nonetheless.

Then they get into the dancing. The three other girls, all second years, seem to know what they’re doing when it comes to planning their performance, so Miyazaki spends most of her time teaching Rin and Hanayo some simple moves to a handful of familiar pop songs.

Slowly, Rin can’t help but unfold. The satisfaction that blooms in her chest whenever she gets a move right, when she shifts her body perfectly to the rhythm of the music, is such a pleasant shock to her system that she feels herself letting her guard down, opening up. She and Hanayo laugh whenever they screw up a step, and no matter how many times they fail, Miyazaki’s patience and attentiveness never waver. When Rin glances over at the other girls, she finds them completely absorbed in their practice; only occasionally does she notice any of them looking her way, and when they do, it’s not with the piercing eyes of judgment, but the joy of sharing in something they love. In this room, Rin doesn’t have to worry about how others see her. She can just be.

—

Hanayo and Rin attend every dance rehearsal together. It’s a small, close-knit group, and even though they aren’t all working together on the same exact thing, Rin can feel that sense of camaraderie that she’s been missing. They’re all constantly looking to improve, to try new things, to create something lively and beautiful. The world is their canvas, their bodies the brushes, the music the paint. For Rin, dancing becomes an unexpected refuge. In the dance room, no one throws crumpled-up papers at her head or tries to trip her down the stairs; no one whispers ugly words in her ear as she walks by.

After hours of deliberation on both their parts, and a lot of convincing (read: begging) on Honoka’s part, Rin and Hanayo decide to take her suggestion and sign up for the talent show as a dancing duo. Honoka apparently spends an inordinate amount of time picking out the perfect song for them, an upbeat tune from an upcoming idol about accepting oneself. “Trust me,” she says, “the audience will love it. Idols are all the rage these days.”

Rin suspects that Honoka picked it out on purpose for its lyrics, but for what it’s worth, it is a catchy song, the kind of song that makes Rin want to jump up and dance whenever she hears it. Luckily for her, that’s exactly what she’s going to do.

Miyazaki helps them come up with the choreography, and they spend the next few months working avidly to perfect it. Even on weekends, they often meet up at one of their houses and practice for hours. Only if they feel that they did the best they possibly could will either of them feel comfortable enough to get up onstage and let hundreds of potentially unforgiving eyes gaze upon them.

Every once in a while, a particularly nasty comment or incident will give Rin pause, and she’ll feel an almost overwhelming urge to beg Hanayo to let them drop out of the talent show. She wouldn’t do that, though; she’d never want to force her best friend to turn her back on an opportunity just for her. Besides, she’ll be okay as long as Hanayo is there with her.

—

The day before the talent show, Hanayo isn’t in school.

During lunch, Rin calls her in a panic in one of the bathroom stalls. “What’s going on?” she hisses. “Our final rehearsal is tonight! Where are you?”

“I have pneumonia,” Hanayo replies.

Rin feels like the floor is falling out from underneath her. Words crowd in her mouth, but all that comes out is, “In summer?”

Hanayo chuckles halfheartedly. “Yeah. I think I got it from my grandfather. You know his immune system isn’t the best. I don’t think I’ll be able to—” She breaks off into a fit of coughing. “I can’t come tonight. I don’t think I’ll be able to perform tomorrow. I went to the doctor yesterday after school, and he says I need to rest until the antibiotics start working.”

Rin recalls the past few days, how Hanayo had been coughing for a little while and seemed more out of breath than usual. She’d hoped it was just a cold, that it would go away in no time. Now Hanayo is sick in bed, her lungs filled with fluid, and they’re scheduled to perform tomorrow.

“Kayo-chin, I—I can’t do it on my own,” she says, her heart starting to race at the thought of standing alone on that stage.

“Sure you can,” Hanayo says. “Just…finish the school day and then go to rehearsal. I’m sure Miyazaki-sensei can help you out.” Then she hangs up before Rin has the chance to argue.

The rest of her classes are a blur. Her mind spins with worst-case scenarios, and her hands shake too much for her to even try to doodle. She speaks to no one, afraid that if she opens her mouth, nothing coherent will come out.

As soon as the dismissal bell rings, Rin snatches her things and races down the hall to the dance room. Her hands are so full that she kicks the door open with her foot.

Miyazaki flashes a smile at her, but it quickly dissipates once she sees the look on her face. “What’s wrong?”

Rin drops her things on the floor against the wall. “Kayo-chin’s sick,” she says breathlessly. “Pneumonia. She can’t perform tomorrow. We have to drop out. I can’t do it without her; we have to drop out—”

Miyazaki holds up both her hands. “Whoa, whoa, slow down. Deep breaths, okay? We’ll figure it out.”

Rin nods reluctantly and tries to steady her breathing. She hears the door open and close behind her, and then Honoka says, “Where’s Hanayo-chan?”

“She’s sick,” Miyazaki says calmly. “Rin’s probably going to have to perform by herself tomorrow.”

“Oh dear,” Kotori says. “I hope she gets better soon.”

“Rin-chan can do it, though!” Honoka says. “We’ve all seen her in action. She’ll do great!”

Rin shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

“It shouldn’t be too difficult,” Umi adds matter-of-factly. “You two were basically doing the same moves, right? It’s not like you were ballroom dancing. You won’t have to change much of the choreography to turn it into a solo act. And we can help you.”

Rin shakes her head again, faster. “It’s not that. I’m not worried about how I’ll do. I’m worried about how it’ll look. I’m not one of those pretty girls everyone loves. I’m different. And everyone’s eyes will be on me and no one else. I’ll be the center of attention…and I just don’t know if I can deal with how they’ll react to that. It suits me to be a partner or a member of a group, so I can blend in more, so someone else can shine. I can’t be the girl who shines. Not like this.”

“Of course you can!” Honoka blurts. “People are afraid of what they don’t understand. But you’re a girl just like the rest of us. Now’s your chance to show everyone. You’re at the Otonokizaka Academy for Girls, aren’t you?”

“But I tried to show everyone,” Rin says, her shoulders slumping. “That’s what I thought going to this school would do. But people still treat me like I’m just too different for them. Like I’m a failed girl, like I’m the wrong kind of girl.”

It’s Miyazaki who speaks up next.

“Then that’s their problem,” she says, “not yours. There’s no such thing as a ‘wrong kind of girl.’ There are girls with short hair and girls who love sports and girls who like to work on cars and girls who wear tuxedos and girls who like to build things—and girls who were mistakenly raised as boys. And the sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner you can be free of what others think of you. People are going to judge you no matter what you do. So if dancing brings you joy, and you want to share that joy with other people, then I want you to dance your heart out on that stage tomorrow.”

For a moment, all is silent. Then Rin chuckles sheepishly. She’s right. Of course she’s right.

“Okay,” she says finally. “Who wants to help me touch up this choreography?”

—

It’s the day before summer break, and the air buzzes with excitement. Even from backstage, Rin can feel her classmates’ gazes from out in the auditorium. Her heart feels like it’s going to claw its way out of her chest and make a run for it, and part of her wants to follow suit. Deep down, though, she knows she’s ready. She’s worked as hard as she possibly could. She’s going to stay, and she’s going to perform like her life depends on it. She has to, for Hanayo.

Rin adjusts her earrings and checks her makeup one final time in the backstage mirror before Miyazaki pops her head in. “Honoka, Kotori, and Umi are almost done,” she says. “You’re up.”

Rin smooths out her dress, a cute pastel pink, the very same one she bought online over the winter. It’s her first time wearing it in public, and it fits her like the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle. She takes a deep breath and glances down at her phone, which glows brightly with a new text message from Hanayo. I believe in you!! it reads, followed by a bunch of heart emojis.

Rin smiles, then fixes the pink barrette in her hair and heads out to the curtain area.

Honoka, Kotori, and Umi are walking offstage when Rin arrives. “You’ll do great!” Honoka whispers to her as she walks by, giving her a brief, sweaty hug. Kotori claps enthusiastically, and Umi puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“Up next,” the principal says from the sound box, “we have Rin Hoshizora!”

The crowd claps politely. Rin tries her best not to look at any of them as she ambles onto the stage; her focus is only on the music and her body.

When she hears the opening of the song, all the fear and self-consciousness that’s been building up in her seems to fade away, replaced by instinct and muscle memory. She knows how to do this. She’s been doing it multiple days a week for months now.

For most of the first verse, the crowd is silent, as if they aren’t quite sure what to make of her. Then, when she bounces across the stage as the song shifts into the chorus, a few people whoop and cheer, and that’s all Rin needs to keep herself moving, to let the melody carry her home. She’s never felt more beautiful, more purely and authentically her. There’s so much she often hates about her body, but right now, she’s thankful for everything that makes her up, from her long limbs to her rectangular frame. Dancing, she’s discovered, isn’t just for conventionally attractive cis girls. It’s for anyone, as long as they have the passion and the resolve.

Honoka was right about the song choice—by the end, some people are clapping and dancing along, even singing the parts that they know. When Rin finishes the song with a smile, a wink, and a pose, the crowd responds in raucous applause. More than a few people in the audience seem shocked, and several others are smirking, shaking their heads, or mumbling to each other.

And yet, Rin finds it doesn’t particularly bother her. She’s realized something about this sudden turnaround: their acceptance of her is conditional, but her happiness is not. If being herself makes others uncomfortable…well, that’s their problem, not hers.

[btsandvmin]

Vmin - Persona

So, PERSONA huh...

In my post Vmin - Pink, Blue and purple I talked about Vmin's hair colors and how they seemed to almost push the colors together and with each other. I haven’t talked much about it since, but now we know PERSONA has a pink and blue color scheme as well, matching Vmin. This is a continuation of my earlier post So, PERSONA huh.

I also got two asks about this (again, sorry for always being so late with my answers):

hi! what do you think about the concept photos? i think they're very interesting after reading your post about pink, blue & purple

and

Did you find anything Vmin related this comeback?

So yeah, I started this post months ago but decided it was time to finish it. I did find a few interesting Vmin moments this comeback, thought nothing huge. But the colors pink and blue surely became even more interesting after the comeback. So let’s see what I found from the PERSONA comeback era.

They of course had the pink and blue theme for their concept photos. And honestly, it’s possible that that’s was why they did color their hair specifically these colors. But, even though we can’t know if it’s a connection meant for Vmin or if it’s only for the album I do find it interesting.

They made them match with each other's colors. It's just not possible for it to be a simple coincidence at this point, but again we have no way of knowing if there is any actual purpose with using Vmin for this and I think the fact that we already before the comeback had a huge commotion and association with Vmin and the colors should also count. I mean, they even got an article about it and had fans call them twin stars and whatnot.

There are some other interesting things about this comeback as well, though not strictly about Vmin. But they colored their hair to match this particular album, with the heart and the title track Boy with Luv so either way the two of them share that link to the album and song.

For Boy with Luv the lyrics are obviously a love song, so there is that. There are also references to the sun and Icarus wings, which could possibly relate to Vmin through the BU.

In the MV I know people also talked about the possibility of Halsey representing Jimin, since they both have pink hair. Who knows, but seems a bit farfetched and it’s not like she had a lot of special scenes with Tae anyways.

But frankly it seems to me like the more possible Vmin connections come from outside of the MV and there are some Vmin related things from this comeback that comes directly from Vmin.

The most obvious one is how Taehyung decided to change the choreography several times so that he could point and dance towards Jimin.

We also got some from the making of the MV. 

Anyways, besides a few cute moments and also fans talking about more flirting from Vmin on stage where Jimin and Tae teased each other quite a bit we also got a tweet from Taehyung that I found a bit interesting. Could of course be nothing, but he tweeted a question: 

The question was also in a format Jimin had used several times just a few days earlier. Anyways, then he tweeted this:

So, is it a coincidence that Jimin had pink hair and Tae just meant that pink caught his eye in general? Probably. But it could also be about Jimin.

(Small side note they also wore their matching black and silver Chanel necklaces a lot for both the MV and their performances.)

I also want to talk a little bit about Dionysus, even though it’s not really connected much to Vmin.

He was the god of fertility and wine and was also often described as rather womanly. Besides wine and grapes, snakes were also a common symbol for Dionysus (look at Tae's arm). So the concept photos matches here as well.

What I find interesting beyond this is how he is said to be a symbol of transgender people and represent those who do not belong to conventional society. So the decision to use him and also use the snake with Taehyung seems like it could have a deeper meaning. Especially knowing BTS. These are things that make me think Big Hit does have an LGBT+ agenda, looking at their subtle hints from various comebacks.

On top of that the transgender flag also matches Vmin and the whole album in color. So, who knows… I have no idea if this was intentional or not.

Anyways, these were most of the things I took notice of for the Boy with Luv comeback in relation to Vmin. So, not a lot, but still worth talking about considering the heavy focus on the Pink and Blue with Vmin that we saw prior to this.

I hope you had fun reading, even though most people probably knew about these things already it’s always fun to put them all together. :)

[jennisgang]

I think I’m gonna kill this project

It’s been something at the back of my mind for a while now, but like... I feel like A.C. is offensive? Or at the very least his story is extremely unfun to read/watch.

Like I was drawing his twin sister, Copal in a more traditionally masculine way instead of the androgynous look I was going for before, and like it kinda made me really dysphoric.

Like basically A.C. is kinda like what if I was a trans man, and Copal is like what if I had no childhood... like literally I mean, and honestly Jennis is like what if I was cis. LOL Tho honestly most of my characters have a bit of me in them since I’ve been so sheltered all my life.

Tho aunno like, I guess I feel like I’ve been trying to say that words like “cracker” and “wetback” are as bad a slurs as n&^#$ That and being a massive hypocrite.

I kinda feel like A.C. helped me come to terms with who I am, honestly I wouldn’t know transgender was a thing if Crit didn’t tell me and having A.C. be a girl that insists she’s a guy and LOL how silly what a zany girl was just obviously trans from the viewpoint of an idiot.

And it feels wrong making A.C. into a cis woman even as a tomboy, like he IS a man there’s no changing that as much as I’ve tried. I can’t make him a woman LOL Not even a trans woman oddly, which is wild since like he’ll always be a symbol of my awakening.

And it also feels wrong replacing A.C. with a different character, like he is the frontman for Jennis Gang

but at the same time I really love the name “Jennis Gang” I worked on this since ‘12 and still own the URL and just, I really wanted to make something good

and I don’t see them becoming side characters or something.

I dunno, I guess I just need to rip off the ole bandaid. I might keep paying for the URL cuz like, I don’t want it to be used for evil, but ehh I think this is it for Jennis Gang as anything serious: comic, animation, game, whatever.

but like, A.C. and his twin sister go through a lot of termoil because they’re trans and like, even though it’s because I want to accept that there’s some things I never can fix about myself since I started my transition 15 years too late, I dunno I don’t think anyone would enjoy that even as a side plot.

[fuck-customers]

Trigger warning? Maybe? Basically just verbal harassment for being gay. It's not graphic, by any means.

So I live in Montana, right? Not exactly the most progressive state. I'm transgender (female to male) and bisexual, and I have a boyfriend. In that regard, I'm very lucky to work where I do.

I work at a family-owned grocery store, which is pretty cool because: 1) The owners are super chill, especially for older folks, and 2) I don't have to deal with all the negative fallout of working with a corporation. For example: when I did the interview, I informed the owners that I was transgender and that my gender marker and name weren't legally changed yet (this was about a year ago, before I'd legally changed my name). They basically responded with "Sweet. Write your preferred name here and check the 'male' box on this form." They didn't care that I was trans, and since then I haven't experienced any sort of discrimination from them as a result of my gender. This is lucky because a lot of trans people who apply for jobs at big companies deal with having to fill out a lot of forms, lower pay, discrimination on a domestic level, etc. This information is important for later in the story.

I was working the register a couple months ago and my boyfriend came into the store on my break. He brought me Subway and we were eating on this bench next to the customer service desk. Mind you: 

1) It was my break.

2) We weren't being overly cutesy or flirty. We were literally just sitting on this bench together eating a fucking BLT. I think we might have been holding hands at one point or another.

3) The store wasn't busy that day and there were two other registers open, which were mostly vacant of customers.

On our aprons, there's a little symbol showing which part of the store we work in. It's a cute, functional little thing that the owners implemented because we have a bunch of different services in our store (deli, bakery, registers, janitorial staff, etc.) and we want to make it easier for the customers to know who to ask. Of course, as a cashier, I have a little embroidered cash register on my apron. 

This middle-aged woman comes out of the stacks with a cart full of stuff (she wants to buy, obviously). She came out of the left side of the store, and technically speaking my register is closest to where she finished shopping. She stands there expectantly, despite the light on the station being turned off, and then sees me and my boyfriend sitting on the bench. I guess she saw my apron with the little register because she snapped at me and went on this rant about how "teenagers need to work harder" and "as a cashier I have a responsibility" or whatever. 

I'm on my break and my boyfriend managed to get off to see me, so I'm not going to cut my break 20 minutes short (we get 30 minutes off at specific intervals depending on our position) to check this lady out. I kindly inform her that there are two cashiers who are prepared to check her out. She looks at me and my boyfriend (who I guess were acting atrociously gay in that exact moment), calls me a "lazy shit", then proceeds to berate me for taking time off to be a "fucking queer". My boyfriend is kind of snickering under his breath because she's clearly trying to be very intimidating, but it just isn't working. She calls him a faggot for laughing at her, and then asks me what my boss thinks about me being gay. I respond with the truth; they don't care and they actually have quite progressive ideals. She huffs and puffs, then not-so-politely informs me that she will not be shopping there again. At this point, my coworkers have been trying to edge her out of the story, and one of them is on the phone with my bosses. She storms out and literally just leaves her full cart in the middle of the checking area. 

I guess someone caught her license plate number since she got in trouble with the police. They had a deputy come in and talk to my boyfriend and I, and then she had to go to court. Eventually she got a ticket for harassment. The store owners made an official statement on the business Facebook page that they did their best to serve her justice, and then said that they support LGBT people and don't value the service of anybody who doesn't. 

To be completely honest, situations like that don't actually rattle me too much. I've had a couple encounters like that before in regards to being trans, especially at school. All in all, this submission is just to show that it ended up okay. We lost one shitty customer, but honestly (like the owners said) who cares about the business of someone who will berate two 16-year-old boys for taking a break? 

[elliesrandomessays-blog]

Let's talk about Bowsette as a trans icon.

This post/essay/think-piece/idological-wankery (delete where appropriate) is going to assume you know who Bowsette is. The Bowsette hype train has already come and gone in less than a month so I'm late to the party by this point; if you're reading this some time in the far future for some reason you may want to go do some quick googling as a refresher (might want to keep safe-search on).

Laying my own context on the table: I'm a Trans woman.

The sudden and widespread proliferation of Bowsette has been nothing short of inexplicable. Off the top of my head her rise to temporary dominance in the Mario fanbase is unlike anything before her. The closest two examples that come to mind are Coldsteel the Hedgehog from the Sonic fanbase and Doctor Whooves of My Little Pony fame. But those two characters don't posses the same invisible origins. Coldsteel was a meme, an intentional parody of the fan-creation phenomenon that has lead to the "_____ the hedgehog" game being the most fun you can have with google, and Doctor Whooves (while his personality and backstory are a fan construction) was still based on a background extra who was originally conceived by the show, not its fans. Bowsette's original was in no way directly provoked. The Super Crown was revealed as a tool that can turn Toadette in to Peach, some random twitter user made a standard fan comic where the crown was given to Bowser, and people took to it.

And because we live in 2018, it naturally got sexual very fast. A friend of mine once said "I like Bowsette, but I'm not a fan of the male-gazey-ness" (not quoted verbatim) and that sums it up nicely. There is a lot of porn of Bowsette out there, and now that her icon as a fun novelty character has passed her time as the champion of fan-created erotic pin-ups has begun. Bowsette has become one of the most notable times where a fictional character who is arguably transgender has entered the male gaze as an icon of sexuality whilst not having an undercurrent of fetishism to it. There's no great calling for Bowsette porn where she has a penis. The only ever reference to her Bowser-based past is for some occasional gags which aren't constructed to shame the contrast between Bowser and Bowsette. And the wide variety of the feminine traits and masculine traits in her various portrayals show a very neutral pallet of preconceptions her the artists and fans are going in with. I say arguably because we're only talking symbolically, not literally. Unless we ever got an explanation of the mechanics of Toadette's Super Crown then there's no literal grounding for this analysis. Keep all that in mind, we're talking symbolically.

The fact that no one in Bowsette's fanbase really seems to care about this fact is actually kind of fantastic news for Trans folk out there. The inherent problem with attempting to get Trans representation is one that is hard to talk about seriously thanks to the fact it's the same argument people use for why there shouldn't be representation: it's hard to naturally include it in backstory without making it feel either too-defining or tacked-on. The longterm goal of Trans representation is paradoxically to make our own representation invisible; to try and reach a point where the fact a character could be Trans is textually irrelevant to what the audience is expected to think about them. For example: were there a blockbuster film released tomorrow where a character who presented male is the protagonist, then in a flashback scene the same character were to be presenting as female pretransition and that fact never brought up again, we'd all throw up our hands and applause the representation that we have a Trans lead character, since that is bringing us closer to a world where the exact same setup just makes us go "yeah, I guess".

Bowsette's symbolic transition is a part of who she is, and there'll always been that little pink crown on her head as a reminder of that, but it's not a *defining* part of who she is, and that's what's so important. It's the logical middle step between the seemingly contradictory states of "They're trans, hurrah!" and "They're trans, K." And the fact she's been taken too with both hands (or one hand, with the other heading pants-ward) shows it's working. Nuance often requires we remember that a group is in reality multiple uniquely operating consciousnesses but it's often helpful when wanting to gauge direction to imagine communities as a single person. And in this case the 'person' of society is happy to ignore the whole 'used to be Bowser' thing and just enjoy Bowsette for who she is. This has done wonders for my own self-esteem and I can't imagine I'm alone. Often times I've had trouble thinking of myself as a sexual being thanks to being Trans. Times where I've felt it have always felt *against* that fact, or when I'm lucky *in spite* of being Trans. Even though my partner has been good at reassuring me that they really don't care when it comes to getting freaky and she doesn't think like that; it doesn't stop the fact that media has taught me to think that she can only think of me sexually in the context of being Trans. Bowsette's reputation has been one of the first concrete pieces of evidence that maybe my partner is right and it is perfectly okay for me to be proud of my sexuality without that risk of inherent fetishism.

Of course this doesn't come problem free. Whilst the case for the Super Crown being read as a substitute for transition is one worth considering, it's still an oversimplification of the process to an unhelpful degree. It views the difference between Bowser and Bowsette as a binary state, the whole character shifts from the Bowser body to the Bowsette body with a simple operation. Trans persons in media have always had this concept floating around them that once the decision is made it's a single procedure and you're rockin' an hourglass physique. In reality it's a lifelong arduous grind towards some non-existence idea of what we need to be. Moving from one end of the gender spectrum to the other is not a linear progression but asymptotic, I have to spend the rest of my life with constant injection, pills, procedures and therapies that will forever bring me 'closer' but will never get me 'there'. Embracing Bowsette as-is as a great example of what a symbolically Trans character should be is going to come with a further perpetuation of the simplicity, and I know there will be people out there who won't want to include her because they feel the simplicity problem is bad enough without us accepting a character who's feeding in to it. But as we all know, the capacity for nuance goes down as the size of the group gets bigger and we need to take Bowsette with a grain of salt much like how we need to think of everything more critically than we tend to. That debate is more than worth having.

Obviously I'm not begrudging the existence of Bowsette directly because of this. We're talking about an extrapolation of an extrapolation, we're so far removed from the original intention of the Super Crown that trying to pin any of the negative consequences of Bowsette on the Crown is like blaming the Cow because your White-Chocolate Mocha tastes funny, but it's worthy context to consider when looking at what Bowsette means in the grander scale of where society considers Trans persons.

Bowsette hasn't magically removed all preconceptions of the life of a Transgender person: her sexuality not being considered a Transgender fetish isn't stopping the fact she's still in the 'fetish' category for other reasons, her non-canon nature means that the impact is only indicative of societal conceptions rather than corporate ones where much more of the battle still needs to be fought, and I've somewhat oversimplified how much of the fanbase truly *is* on board with Bowsette (it pains me greatly that the Waluigi fanbase is one of the notable ones with the conservative attitude towards her). But god damn she's interesting, and more than enough for now.

[fantroll-purgatory]

Name: Vianka Ongaka - Name definition for “Vianka” on Urban Dictionary: The name given to the mysterious individual once every decade who is intrinsically involved in the plot for world domination.  - Ongaka comes from the combination of the Japanese words for music (ongaku) and red (aka) 

Urban Dictionary isn’t exactly a reputable source for name meanings, but I do think it’s…. a hilarious idea to name her that. SO I’ll go with that one, but you have to like, roll with that theme. You gotta make her Involved In A Plot For World Domination. 

For the last name, I might pick…. Kaycel, as a reference to KCl- Potassium Chloride. It’s the colorant that gives fireworkers their violety color! It references her love for Fireworks/explosives/bright lightthings obviously. Species: Troll Gender: Transgender Female Age: 7 sweeps Derse or Prospit?: Derse Strife Specibus: megaphonekind 

Does she just Yell to hurt people or whack people with the megaphone? I think you could also go with like boommickind, bc you know. 

Or flaregunkin because it’s kind of like a firework.

Land: The Land of Radiance and Dreams (LoRaD) Title: Witch of Light

Now this is where I think the Plot For World Domination thing can come in, because I kind of want to make her a Rogue of Light instead? So she redistributes the attention, takes all the focus, moves information around subtly while also directing fortune. 

Blood color: Violet

Symbol: Aquapia (Sign of the Eccentric)  Lusus: A gigantic 3-headed serpent 

To make things a little more glowy and watery, how about a giant 3-headed snake-like Praya Dubia. One of those glowy siphonophores. They entrap pray with their lights and I think that’s very fitting.

Trolltag: vibrantShowtime

Vibrant is a nice word but it doesn’t have the… the energetic FEELING I’m imagining here. You need something a lil sillier… maybe dynamitetamicShowstopper. 

dynamitetamic being a dynamite + dynamic mashup and Showstopper indicating something So Incredible it stops the show with audience applause.

Quirk: She uses ‘kaomojis’ or Eastern Alternian emoticons to express herself, as if she’s talking in a speech bubble.  Ex: (☆^O^☆) <(WHO’S READY TO FUCKING ROCK?!?!?!) Personality: This fine troll’s name is Vianka Ongaka, she has an affinity for using fireworks at her shows to ‘enlighten’ the audience.. literally. She really likes saying lyrics to several sweeps old pop songs such as ‘Cull Young’ and ‘Alternia Girls’, for example. She strives to become one of Alternia’s best pop singers so she can finally spread her beliefs through the sheer strength of her sick tunes. Ever since failing to dye her hair and instead bleaching it by pure accident, she strives to try and take down the capital and change the world for the better or worse, Vianka is what most would call a ‘chaotic neutral’ as she would usually be extremely dangerous in her concerts (usually 3-5 casualties a show) as she would literally try to show the world her colors.

I don’t understand why the hair dye would Lead to this striving and I think it should probably be the other way around. She’s a rebel, so she dyes her hair. It is in part to make herself really unique, to draw the eye to her. She wants attention and standing out is a Good way to get it. She could be trying to spread and disperse information (as a rogue would) while also drawing all eyes to her so rebel friends she has behind the scenes can do work without anyone noticing. Spreading her world domination propaganda subtly while some rebellion goes on In The Shadows. After all, a violet is high enough up that she can get away with saying Anything. Literally Anything At All. Privilege is a powerful tool… 

You definitely wanna think about her motive, though, because you haven’t made it clear here. You just say she wants to change it ‘for better or worse’. What is she trying to achieve? Does she want to be the New Leader or does she want to propr others up and doesn’t think about the policy stuff? Is she just here for chaos and doesn’t care how it ends?  Likes: Neon colors, fireworks, straight up murder Dislikes: Cancelled performances, someone else stealing her spotlight,  Voice Headcanon: Pearl from Off the Hook if she spoke English 

Design time:

So, her design was a Little visually busy, so I tried to neaten it up in some ways while retaining the feeling. As I usually do, I did a lot of outline edits on the outfit/shoes itself to make it stand out more. I also changed the highlight in the jewelry to white to make it look shinier. 

Hair/horns: I edited that one dangly hair to get it out of the face because it was a little distracting, if she wants attention and spotlight she should want her face to be visible and unobscured! I also edited her hairband to be a bit more complete. I made both horns go behind it, because the horn just going Through the hairband looks funny. I also made the piercings a more violety purple to fit a color scheme. 

Face: I got rid of the eyebrows because as I said her face was already a lil busy looking.I upped the eyemakeup to make up for it. Her mouth was too much like Vriska’s, so I adjusted the mouth shape. 

Outfit: As I said before, lots of little outline tweaks for better contrast. I also changed the squares to just one light purple color because all the varying colors was a liiittle too much, I definitely got what you were going for but Homestuck sprites like to keep their base outfits relatively simple. 

-CD