#and then i have to be like that's literally regular behavior why am i so impressed by it

[genderqueerdykes]

tired transmasc from earlier. My discomfort with those who believe in "transandrophobia" is not from self-hate nor from radfems. It’s from listening to transfems. And I don’t believe men or masculinity are bad at all!! I am in community with with men and mascs and with women + fems all the time. It’s just plain ignorant to say we don’t have male privilege and are actually oppressed for being men. We do have privilege. The whole "everyone is saying men are evil!!" thing sounds so much like incel behaviour it’s really off putting.

hello again! thanks for dropping by, let me see if i can help explain things better, and as to why it's not okay to put down other trans men and deny that they are experience oppression just because you, one person, believes they are not. dont take this personally, but much like gravity, you not believing in it doesn't mean it's not happening. it's happening, you're just refusing to acknowledge it. this is the equivalent of plugging one's ears and humming when someone else starts talking

i'm gonna call this behavior for what it is, because yourself & every other self-flagellating trans man & transmasc who says transandrophobia doesn't exist because it belittles trans women are just hurting people ON PURPOSE with a thin guise of saying "listen to trans women!!!!!" i really hope you understand that trans women can see through that. we can tell that you're doing this specifically to hurt people, not to give trans women a platform to stand on. you think you are telling people to listen to trans women, but what you are doing is SILENCING trans men & mascs in order to do that. you can't do that to your own gender. you're silencing yourself in the process. you're participating in transmasculine erasure and this is not a good thing. don't be proud of that. don't be proud of erasing the things your siblings go through.

I have to be really, really honest with you and tell you that this kissing up to trans women for brownie points stuff is really, really obvious and none of us like it. Like I'm not being mean. Please don't take this in a sarcastic tone. I am stock serious when I say that trans women & transfems can tell when you are doing things to pander to us to act like you care about transfems and transfemininity. We can tell this is desperate virtue signalling to not look transmisogynistic and nothing else. I'm serious. You are hating people on purpose with the guise of trying to help trans women. You do not have to silence someone else in order to let trans women talk and listen to them.

If you do not want transfems & trans women to be silenced: do not silence someone else. You do not solve this problem by silencing someone else. We solve the problem by listening to each other, not forcing the other to sit in silence while only one person talks. You don't solve the problem by doing that exact thing to someone else. You're creating a new problem.

privilege is a power structure, trans men do not suddenly shoot up from oppressed woman to neurotypical cishet white able bodied man in terms of status in society. i need people to get this into their heads that trans men do not and will not ever shoot directly up the privilege ladder and instantly become abusive and predator and holding power over all the other queers. like this is completely fabricated. you can stop believing that now, it's quite literally made up by trans/rad fems because they do not interact with trans men irl to see that they struggle.

trans men are not oppressed for being men: they're oppressed for being TRANS men. the trans part is what they're being oppressed for. do you not see transmascs and trans men as trans? because if so that is highly disturbing. and don't call that "regular transphobia" because that's not true and you know it isn't trans men and mascs are oppressed... for being TRANS men. seriously. you gotta stop focusing on "men bad" so hard that you literally forget that trans men are trans. back it up. like seriously i'm dead serious. back it up one step. before you focus on the "man" part, think about the "trans" part and how you're basically denying that trans men are trans because you are so wrapped up in radfem hate. TRANS men do not become cis men after they come out. they don't become cis men after transitioning. this, quite literally, is transandrophobia. what you said right there is an example of transandrophobia. sober up, you are not thinking clearly.

the thing is that we do not have male privilege wholesale as a group. that is a lie you have been told. you have to realize most trans men never gain any form of cishet male privilege. some trans men may pass well, but if the word gets out that they're trans, they are no longer respected or viewed as a man at all. especially if you're a man of color. trans men may have an amount of privilege depending on the situation, like being someone's manager, but it is not male privilege in every situation, nor is it anywhere near the privilege that cishet perisex white abled men have.

when we have this type of conversation, we are assuming that all trans men are 100% cis passing who will never be questioned. which happens, but that does not mean those trans men do not struggle. in fact, trans men like that suffer greatly in terms of reproductive care. cis passing trans men are often outright denied reproductive care, and some need that to live. some need to see a gynecologist for a variety of reasons, and being a cis passing man can shoot you in the foot. trans men struggle in health care almost universally. trans men are constantly misgendered in medical settings, and are very often treated as though they are cis women by medical staff no matter what. trans men and mascs are also very commonly assaulted by doctors and other medical professionals

most trans men do not get paid more at their jobs. trans men struggle to get promotions. trans men struggle to get employment in male dominated fields. most trans men still deal with homelessness, sexual assault, physical assault, domestic violence, addiction, misogyny and more. trans men deal with corrective rape. trans men deal with stalking. trans men do not magically have it better in society the second they come out. it creates a whole new host of problems

gaslighting strangers and telling them they're not being abused and oppressed isn't helping anyone. i'm serious. please stop this behavior because you are the one hurting people. care about trans men and mascs. you don't have to throw transmascs and trans men under the bus in order for trans women to be heard. we don't need to be pandered to like this. it's not flattering or helping anyone. you don't need to kiss up to people who literally hate your gender.

i need you to understand that people who talk like this hate transmascs and trans men. they don't like you. they don't care about you. leave those kinds of environments. you're going to regret it if you don't. if you're thinking about your oppression aaalllll day long its all you're ever gonna see and eventually, it's gonna crush you under its weight. be careful. that's dangerous thinking.

[thepoisonroom]

kinda realizing that it was maybe bad for me that i spent so long dating someone who fundamentally looked down on me and treated me like i was too silly and irresponsible and fucked in the head to make my own decisions

[gojozballs]

Gojo x Reader "How To Escape A Yandere"

Warning: [This story contains themes of Yandere behavior, manipulation, obsessive love, psychological tension, explicit content, self-harm, and dark themes including death and captivity]

Materialist

Gojo Satoru’s obsessive love traps Y/N in a dangerous, yandere relationship as she desperately tries to escape, blurring the lines between captivity and affection.

Author's POV

Four months. That’s how long Y/N had been stuck in this bizarre, unhinged chapter of her life. Four months since she’d wandered into Japan, thinking she was just ticking off items on her bucket list, and well, she still couldn’t quite figure out how she ended up being the personal prisoner of a man with white hair and a ridiculously cocky grin. But here we are. Four months of high-end apartments, luxury cars, and far too much—Gojo Satoru.

But let's rewind, shall we? To the beginning, when life was much simpler. When she was just a regular tourist, trying to figure out what to eat for dinner. And then, of course, there was that one fateful evening in Shibuya...

Shibuya Streets – 9 PM

Y/N stood in the middle of Shibuya’s neon-lit chaos, wondering if she should check out the ramen shop across the street or maybe that weird little café that looked like it was run by a very angry cat. The possibilities were endless, her trip was unfolding like a tourist's dream but nothing could have prepared her for the interruption that would lead to her captivity.

There he was. A literal vision of perfection, strutting down the street like he owned the whole damn place. White hair, a long black coat that looked like it was made by some world-renowned designer, and a scarf that screamed "I’m too cool to care about the weather." He was practically glowing in the dark, making the neon lights look drab in comparison. And Y/N? She did what any sensible person would do.

She stared.

Not subtlety. None. She wasn’t here for a shy glances situation. No, she was staring, and she was making it known. If she could’ve put on a neon sign that said “LOOK AT ME” she would’ve.

And look at her he did. Their eyes met. The universe, for a brief moment, paused and then everything went into slow motion. Y/N gave him the most casual, confident smirk she could muster. She was practically inviting him to make his move. And boy, did he.

He walked toward her with that strut, the kind of walk that says, “I know you’re impressed. Don’t bother hiding it.” And when he reached her, he didn’t even waste time on pleasantries.

“Well, may I know the name of the lady who’s been blatantly staring at me?”

Y/N blinked. He was speaking in her language. Which, okay, wasn’t exactly a shocker, after all but there was something extra about the way he said it. So smooth, like he knew she’d been checking him out the whole time. She wasn’t even that subtle.

Y/N, being the person she was, didn’t flinch. Instead, she smiled and replied, “Well, hello there, sir. I’m Y/N. And who might you be to captivate me so much?”

Gojo chuckled, a sound that was like a warm breeze, and for a moment, Y/N actually considered the possibility that she might have bitten off more than she could chew. But hey, when in Rome or, well, Shibuya right?

“The question isn't who I am,” he said with that signature cocky grin. “It’s why you can’t take your eyes off me.”

Y/N felt a surge of excitement. This was a game. A thrilling, dangerous game. And, of course, she was all in.

“Well,” she purred, “you’ll just have to find out.”

Getting To Know Each Other

Y/N wasn’t sure how it happened. Honestly. One minute she was exchanging playful banter with Gojo Satoru, and the next bam! they were tangled in the sheets of a five-star hotel room, breathing heavily, both far too into each other for their own good.

Gojo, the smug bastard, leaned back on the pillows and let out a satisfied sigh. “Didn’t take you for a woman with experience,” he teased, his voice low and lazy.

Y/N, who was already not in the mood to let him win any round, raised an eyebrow and gave him a playful side-eye. “Well, I didn’t take you for a guy who whimpers.”

She swore she saw a flicker of surprise flash in his eyes, and it made her grin like a devil. Gojo, the untouchable, the most powerful person in Japan whimpering? he thought. Oh, this was getting good.

“You should know,” Gojo said, propping himself up on his elbows, “you were way more vocal than me.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, feigning innocence. “I didn’t realize that.”

“Really?” Gojo’s voice was a dangerous whisper. “Well, let’s check again, shall we?”

And just like that, another round began.

Present

Now, four months into this unplanned, absurdly complicated mess of an adventure, Y/N had one very simple, very clear goal: escape.

But there was just one tiny problem. Gojo Satoru. The man was everywhere. Literally. She tried to leave for groceries, and boom, there he was, “accidentally” showing up at the store. She tried to sneak out at night, and suddenly, there he was smiling like a Cheshire cat.

“You know, Y/N,” he’d say with that maddening grin, “you can’t run away from me. You’re mine now.”

It was cute at first. But after a while, it got... not so cute. The guy was like a relentless puppy that you couldn’t shake off, except the puppy had limitless power and a twisted sense of humor.

And the worst part? Sometimes, just sometimes, Y/N found herself thinking: What if I didn’t escape?

But nah, that thought was far too dangerous, and she quickly shoved it to the back of her mind. For now, she was focusing on how to, once again, dodge Gojo’s very real and very possessive grasp. But if you ask her, she might just tell you that escaping was a little overrated.

Because let’s face it, Gojo Satoru was a whole lot of trouble, but damn, was he fun to mess with.

Still, if she really wanted to escape a yandere like him, she’d have to get creative. Pretend to like his weird, obsessive affection? Nah, that’s too much of a horror show even for her. The trick? A mix of patience, subtle sabotage like hiding his sunglasses good luck going anywhere without those, Gojo and a touch of psychological warfare. And if that didn’t work, well, maybe she’d just have to fake an even more ridiculous obsession than his and watch him lose his mind. It was a gamble, but Y/N was good at playing games especially when the stakes were her freedom. She doesn’t care about the consequences; all she knows is that she will escape."

The Only Way Out Is to Get Help

First things first: I need to get help. It’s my only shot at escaping from him. If I can reveal Gojo’s true nature, maybe I’ll stand a chance. Every Saturday, a blonde guy in a suit and another man would come over. Gojo always tells me to stay in the room. He doesn’t hide me away from them, but he doesn’t let me interact with them either. So, the timing is crucial. It’s 5 PM now, and they’ll be here around 7. My mission? Stay out of that damn room before he locks me in.

I smile sweetly, playing my part. "Hey, would you let me make you some apple pie tonight? I’ve got all the ingredients." I settle into his lap, his hand sliding possessively over my thigh. One thing about Gojo Satoru? He’s obsessed with sweets, and I know this will keep me out of the room, at least for a little while.

"Aww, baby, you’re the best!" he gushes, and before I can pull away, his lips find mine in a flurry of kisses. I smirk internally. He’s so easy to manipulate when it comes to his weaknesses. This could work if I time it just right.

In the kitchen, I hear the door creak open. I don’t see them, but I know they’ve arrived. The penthouse is huge, but I can hear the sound of their voices echoing down the hall. Gojo’s voice, sharp and commanding, calls out to me.

"Sweetcheeks! How’s the pie going?"

I freeze. My heart starts racing. What if he makes me go to the room? I scramble to keep my composure. "Well, it’s almost done, but I need to keep an eye on it," I stammer. My hands tremble as I pour juice into two glasses. I need to move fast. I can’t let him lock me away.

"Alright, I’ll just be over here for a second… Stay away from the visitors, yeah?" Gojo’s voice isn’t a suggestion it’s a threat. I nod hastily, hoping to hide my anxiety.

This is it. I take a deep breath and make my move.

I step into the living room, hands shaking slightly as I walk toward the two men. They glance at me, and then they stand up, clearly taken off guard by my sudden appearance. The blonde man gives me a polite smile, but there’s something too practiced about it.

"Good evening."

"You didn’t have to. We’re leaving soon anyway," the other man says, his voice neutral as he glances at the juice in my hands.

I can’t waste time. This is my only chance. "Listen to me closely," I say, voice shaking with urgency. "I need to get out of here right now. Please… you have to help me."

Both men look at me, but there’s no shock, no surprise just a quiet understanding, like they’ve heard this before. The blonde man steps closer, his eyes searching mine. "What do you mean?"

My heart pounds in my chest as I spill everything, my voice trembling. "I’m being held captive! By that man. I’ve been here for months! Against my will!" My words come out in a rush, desperate to get them to understand.

But their reactions are not what I expect.

The blonde man simply tilts his head. "Seems like Gojo-san’s stories weren’t exaggerated after all."

I blink, completely thrown off. What the hell do they mean by that? They’re... acting like this is normal?

The smaller man in the suit adds, almost casually, "Well, that’s just Gojo for you."

I stand there, frozen, my mind reeling. They’re not even reacting like it’s a big deal. No shock, no concern just another day at the office for them. It feels as though they’ve seen this all before, as if it’s just another facet of Gojo Satoru that they’ve come to accept. They don’t question it. They don’t intervene.

Before I can ask any more, Gojo’s voice cuts through the air, laced with a dark warning. "Causing a scene, sweetcheeks? I told you to stay away from them."

His hand grabs my chin, forcing me to look up at him. There’s no playfulness in his gaze now just raw, unrelenting darkness. "Do you want to see another man that badly?"

And then it hits me. I understand the twisted truth. Gojo isn’t keeping me away from them to protect me. He’s doing it out of jealousy, that sick, possessive urge to control every inch of my life.

The worst part? These men... they’re not surprised. They don’t care. They just accept that this is Gojo’s way, and that’s how things are. There’s no saving me from this nightmare.

I shiver, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me break. I have to find another way because if I stay here any longer, I might lose whatever little of myself I have left.

Freedom in Death

It’s been two weeks since I tried my first escape, two weeks since my wrists were marked by the desperate attempt. The bruises are healing, but the frustration? That never fades. Sure, Gojo’s given me everything: luxury gifts, food so expensive it could make anyone feel guilty, and experiences I’d never known existed before I met him. I should be happy, right? But no, I’m suffocating. It’s not the lavish life I thought I’d always wanted.

I need to disappear. The plan this time? To vanish completely, to make myself a ghost. The thought that Gojo could easily erase me from existence, make me a missing person without even breaking a sweat, has been haunting my every thought. He has power that could bury me without a trace.

I’m already numb, the luxury around me like glitter on a dead body.

“Y/n, babyyyy, I bought caviar for dinner!” Gojo’s voice cuts through the heavy silence, too cheerful for the mood I’m in. I hate it, that forced brightness in his tone that only makes me feel more like a prisoner than anything else. He’s always there, smiling, watching, like I’m just one more toy to add to his collection.

I sigh, my breath heavy as I reply, “Alright, let me just wash up.” My voice is flat, detached, like I’m talking through a haze. It doesn’t matter, though. He wouldn’t care. I walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Not that it’ll stop him. Gojo can break anything, but for now, I’ll indulge myself in this small act of control.

The tub is cold. I keep my clothes on as I sit down, the knife beside me gleaming with dark potential. This is it. I can end it all. No more hiding. No more pretending I don’t want to escape from the nightmare of Gojo’s love. He thinks he’s the sun, that he can shine on everyone and anyone—but not me.

I lift the blade slowly, positioning it on my wrist. The cold steel makes my heart race, my fingers trembling as I whisper into the silence, “I hope you take karma for this, Gojo Satoru.”

The first cut stings. I let out a shaky breath, watching the blood spill out like it’s finally leaving the prison inside me. I don’t stop there. No, I dig deeper. I carve out my pain, feeling the red warmth spread. I welcome the dizziness, the fading light. It’s almost... peaceful.

But then... his voice.

“Sweetcheek, why are you taking so long in there?” Gojo knocks, his voice casual, like he’s asking me about dinner, not about what I’m about to do. I don’t answer.

He doesn’t try to break down the door, which is laughable. He doesn’t know. He thinks I’m just taking a long bath, but he’s wrong.

I’m dying in here.

I can hear his footsteps getting closer. I can hear his stupid, careless voice call my name. “Y/n? Baby?” The door rattles, and then I feel his hands, pulling me into his chest, his breath hitching as he realizes what I’ve done.

I smile weakly, feeling the world spin. This is satisfying, in a way. His panic, his desperation. The way he holds me like I’m a fragile thing that could break. But he doesn’t understand.

“Y/n?! Baby? No, no, no...” His voice cracks, and my heart stabs like the knife in my wrist. Tears? Is he crying? Oh, how deliciously unexpected. I want to laugh.

But I don’t have the strength.

“Don’t you close your eyes, baby,” he says, his voice trembling, his hands shaking as they press against my skin. "This isn't over."

And then everything fades to black...

I wake up in a bed I didn’t ask for. A bed surrounded by the faint scent of antiseptic, the echo of voices too close, too suffocating.

“She’ll be fine now, Satoru,” a woman’s voice says. It’s calm, too calm.

“Maybe you should stay here in the meantime, just to be sure, Shoko,” Gojo’s weak voice follows, barely above a whisper.

“She’s fine. Just keep an eye on her like you always do,” the woman, Shoko, says. I can almost hear the roll of her eyes, the distance in her words.

And then I realize it. I’m still here. I’m still trapped. I couldn’t even escape with death.

I want to scream...

A month has passed with Satoru never leaving for work, staying by my side to ensure I won't try anything like that again. The days drag on, but I force myself to heal, to put on the appearance of recovery. Because as soon as I’m whole again, another plan will begin. And this time, nothing will stop me...

Yandere by Choice, Not by Heart

If I could match his vibe back then, I could definitely do it again. You know, the whole “pretend to be just as obsessed” routine until he finally cracks and gives me the freedom I want. So far, this little game has been almost too easy. He thinks I’m just needy, but I’ve got my eyes on the prize freedom. The one thing I’ve learned about Gojo Satoru? He’s a busy man, and he takes his job seriously. If I can keep up this act, I can make him so wrapped up in me that he’ll fold. At least, that’s the plan.

As I feel his arms slip from around me, I can tell the routine is starting. He’s always so punctual, always so... serious about his work. It’s cute, really, but today? Not today, not when I need him to stay in bed with me just a little longer.

“Toruuu…” I whined, pulling him back to me. “Where you going?”

He froze, half standing and half leaning over, looking like the workaholic he is. I took that as my cue and immediately tugged him back down, burying my face in his chest and sniffing him like he’s some kind of scent-filled snack. Just like he does to me. His scent? Pure temptation.

“Oh sweet cheeks, what’s up with you?” He chuckled, his voice a low, smooth purr as he stroked my hair. “You know it’s time for me to get ready for work.”

I made a dramatic, exaggerated groan. “But I need you hereeee.”

Mentally, I cringed at my own words. Did I just say that? Yeah, I did. Whatever. He loves it. He’s not going anywhere. He’s gonna stay with me and—wait for it—skip work for me.

“Oh, really?” Gojo chuckled, his arms tightening around me as if he’s considering it. “Alright, since you’ve never been this sweet, maybe I’ll skip today.”

Yes! Victory! My first win. I mentally fist-pumped, but on the outside, I kept the act up, batting my lashes at him like I had no idea what I was doing.

"Thank you, Toru," I said in my best innocent voice, nuzzling into him. “I promise, I’ll make it worth your while.”

Days Passed...

My plan? Keep turning up the obsession. I’m practically a step away from being more needy than he is. And you know what? It’s working. Slowly but surely, it’s working.

There was that one day when I insisted we shower together. Nothing too extreme, just a bit of skin-to-skin to remind him that, yes, I am always this close to him.

“Mm, I love when we shower together,” I purred, pretending to casually reach for the shampoo, brushing my body against his.

Gojo smirked, his usual cocky grin spreading across his face. “Yeah? You just want to see me naked.”

“Maybe,” I teased, “but mostly, I just love when you're all wet and slippery.”

His eyes darkened for a second, but he quickly recovered. “You're a mess, you know that?”

“Oh, but I’m your mess.” I grinned up at him.

He just laughed, as if he enjoyed every second of it. I could practically hear the wheels turning in his head, trying to decide if he should be more amused or concerned.

But wait, there’s more.

I also started following him everywhere. I mean everywhere. To the bathroom at night? I’d insist on accompanying him. Peeing together? Sure, why not. We’re close, after all. Besides, he never seems to mind when I casually slide into the bathroom with him at two in the morning.

“Really, Y/N? You’re going to watch me pee?” he teased one night as I leaned against the doorframe, casually inspecting my nails.

“I’m not watching,” I replied with a wicked grin. “I’m joining.”

The night didn’t stop there, though. After all, if we’re going to do this, let’s do it right. We had to have our “three times a day” sex quota. Why not? It’s not like we had anything better to do, right?

“You’re insatiable,” Gojo said, breathlessly flipping us over mid-session as I moaned against him. “You sure you’re not the one obsessed here?”

“Why, Toru, I am obsessed,” I whispered in his ear, my lips brushing against his skin. “But you're the one who started this.”

And oh, he did. He absolutely started it. Now I had him where I wanted him: in every way possible.

The Ultimate Game

Okay, so maybe I got a little carried away. He loved when I ate off his plate. He loved when I insisted on eating from the same spoon as him. A little weird, but it worked. At least he didn’t seem to mind. He seemed... content? Happy? Maybe?

“Seriously, Y/N?” Gojo asked, as I snatched another piece of sushi from his plate. “You’re eating all my food.”

“I’m just making sure you’re not starving,” I said sweetly, taking another bite. “We’re basically one. So it’s only fair, don’t you think?”

“Uh-huh. Sure.” He shook his head, a smirk dancing at the corner of his lips. “If you want to eat off my plate, you’re going to have to share the bathroom with me every time I go in there.”

“Done.”

Oh, and don’t forget the bathroom negotiations. Every time I would "need" some alone time, I'd make sure he waited outside the door. Not to pee or anything oh no, I was doing my business but it was all a part of the game. And guess what? He was starting to enjoy it.

“Really, Y/N?” Gojo said, sitting casually against the doorframe, smirking at me. “You’re going to make me wait outside?”

“Yep. You’re lucky I’m even letting you know what’s going on in there.”

It was a lot of fun, but I couldn’t help the nagging thought in the back of my mind... Was I starting to lose myself in this little game?

It’s working. It’s all working. All the clinginess, all the obsession, it’s finally making him bent to my will. And every time he smirks, every time he looks at me with that dangerous, half-amused, half-worried look, I know he’s in it now.

“Be as obsessed as he is,” I thought to myself, a wicked grin on my face.

But maybe... just maybe... I was starting to like it.

The Endgame

Okay, okay. Maybe escaping was a bit… ridiculous. Who needs to escape anyway? The more I thought about it, the more I realized: What if the real escape wasn’t about running? What if the escape was just… getting lost in this whole twisted, insane mess?

It was starting to hit me maybe he wasn’t that bad. I mean, sure, Gojo Satoru was possessive, borderline obsessive, and utterly impossible to shake off, but let’s be real: when was the last time anyone was this dedicated to loving you? Hell, it’s practically a rarity these days. Most guys can’t even commit to a dinner reservation, let alone a life sentence with someone like me.

So yeah, maybe he stalks me like a possessive ghost. Maybe he follows me everywhere, even into the bathroom 'I really wasn’t expecting him to just chill outside while I… did my thing, but hey, that’s true commitment'. Maybe I kind of like it.

And let’s not even mention the whole “skipping work” thing. Seriously, it’s like he’s a workaholic... unless I pout and bat my lashes, and suddenly he’s throwing his entire career out the window for me. It’s not like I forced him into it… too much. Who wouldn’t want to feel this wanted? That’s basically an act of love, right?

[frankingsteinery]

i’ve seen a lot of people in general agreement of the headcanon that victor is on the spectrum, but i’ve very rarely seen someone examine the why, and being the persnickety superfluous person that i am (and not being immune to projection myself) i thought i’d try my hand at it and break down his autistic traits!

disclaimer that this interpretation is speculative and is simply my unprofessional neurodivergent opinion + it’s based on contemporary understandings of psychology, which were not part of shelley's context, however autistic people have always existed even if there wasnt a word for it during that time period, etc etc. you know the drill

without further ado!

-- communication & social interaction

first and foremost, many autistics struggle with socialization. victor’s inclination to attach himself to a single friend (henry) and only talking to those inside of his close circle rather than forming many connections reflects this tendency, and he himself acknowledges his dislike and indifference of strangers. for example:

“It was my temper to avoid a crowd and to attach myself fervently to a few. I was indifferent, therefore, to my school-fellows in general; but I united myself in the bonds of the closest friendship to one among them”

“My life had hitherto been remarkably secluded and domestic, and this had given me invincible repugnance to new countenances… I believed myself totally unfitted for the company of strangers”

furthermore, he lacks relationship degradation (he does not require regular interaction or relationship maintenance to sustain a bond). during the creation process, he (presumably) goes months without writing to his family and friends, which clerval lectures him for:

“Very well, and very happy, only a little uneasy that they hear from you so seldom. By the by, I mean to lecture you a little upon their account myself."

yet upon his arrival at ingolstadt:

"...nothing could equal [his] delight on seeing Clerval."

victor also takes things literally several times and social nuances can fly over his head. he demonstrates this literalism when first meeting elizabeth:

"And when, on the morrow, she presented Elizabeth to me as her promised gift, I, with childish seriousness, interpreted her words literally and looked upon Elizabeth as mine"

and, of course, the infamous i will be with you on your wedding-night scene, when the creature obviously means he tends to harm elizabeth, not victor himself:

“It is well. I go; but remember, I shall be with you on your wedding-night.” I started forward and exclaimed, “Villain! Before you sign my death-warrant, be sure that you are yourself safe!"

he also goes nonverbal and groans/vocalizes instead of speaking when upset. there's several instances of this that i can recall (i believe another is with walton), but i could only find one, where elizabeth has to speak for him during their visit to justine:

"When she saw who it was, she approached me and said, “Dear sir, you are very kind to visit me; you, I hope, do not believe that I am guilty?” ... I could not answer. “No, Justine,” said Elizabeth"

and this is more of a sidenote but he gives walton every. minute. detail. of his story, including his childhood in-depth (which was not particularly relevant to the moral of victors tale, which was the whole reason he wound up sharing his story in the first place) which definitely feels like. Something. reminiscent of infodumping almost.

-- repetitive behaviors

victor shows both repetitive motions and repetitive language to such an extent that it'd be ridiculous to put them all here, particularly when he is distressed and agitated. some of these motions include clasping his hands, covering his face with his hands, and gnashing his teeth, which he does on walton's boat, after finding out about william's death, in his confrontation with the creature, during his time at the orkney islands, etc. the use of certain phrases/verbal repetition  include his many "great god!"s and "begone!"s, which he usually says in reaction to the creature or while grieving a loved one. these behaviors are arguably self-stimulatory (stimming) and done to cope with overwhelming, stressful situations.

-- fixations/spinterests

ths one's perhaps his most blatant characteristic. victor has a highly focused, intense interest, initially in in the workings of the world itself:

"It was the secrets of heaven and earth that I desired to learn... still my inquiries were directed to the metaphysical, or in its highest sense, the physical secrets of the world."

"The world was to me a secret, which I desired to discover;"

"I have described myself as always having been imbued with a fervent longing to penetrate the secrets of nature"

this is to the extent that his education is noticeably different from his peers, both in acceleration in the topic of his choice and neglect of other, more typical studies due to the intensity of this focus:

“I confess that neither the structure of languages, nor the code of governments, nor the politics of various states possessed attractions for me.”

“…but by some fatality the overthrow of these men disinclined me to pursue my accustomed studies.”

this early fixation eventually narrows into a special interest in ancient alchemy, after victor finds one of agrippa's works and a "new light seems to dawn upon [his] mind," upon which he proceeds to acquire all the works of agrippa and other authors:

"When I returned home my first care was to procure the whole works of this author, and afterwards of Paracelsus and Albertus Magnus. I read and studied the wild fancies of these writers with delight; they appeared to me treasures known to few besides myself"

this remains his special interest until he is a teenager, upon which, after finding out ancient alchemy has been disproven, he takes up mathematics until his arrival at ingolstadt. then, his interest shifts into a fixation on natural philosophy, particularly chemistry, which becomes his "sole occupation":

"He concluded with a panegyric upon modern chemistry, the terms of which I shall never forget... one by one the various keys were touched which formed the mechanism of my being; chord after chord was sounded, and soon my mind was filled with one thought, one conception, one purpose"

"I read with ardour those works, so full of genius and discrimination, which modern inquirers have written on these subjects... the stars often disappeared in the light of morning whilst I was yet engaged in my laboratory. As I applied so closely, it may be easily conceived that my progress was rapid. My ardour was indeed the astonishment of the students, and my proficiency that of the masters"

which, of course, develops into an interest in physiology and the structure of the human frame, which leads to his obsession over the secret of life, followed by being "thus engaged, heart and soul, in one pursuit" during the creation of the creature.

-- intense, volatile emotions; resistance to change

in general, victor is very emotionally demonstrative, and has difficulty managing these emotions. he also experiences quick fluctuations in emotion. this is something he has experienced since childhood, and is something he maintains as an adult, when he acknowledges that:

"My temper was sometimes violent…"

some examples of these shifts in emotion:

"My heart, which was before sorrowful, now swelled with something like joy..."

"Sometimes he commanded his countenance and tones and related the most horrible incidents with a tranquil voice, suppressing every mark of agitation; then, like a volcano bursting forth, his face would suddenly change to an expression of the wildest rage as he shrieked out imprecations on his persecutor"

hand in hand with his emotional dysregulation, he shows resistance to change and has strong reactions to this change. the most obvious example of this is during the animation of the creature:

"The different accidents of life are not so changeable as the feelings of human nature... but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart"

"Mingled with this horror, I felt the bitterness of disappointment; dreams that had been my food and pleasant rest for so long a space were now become a hell to me; and the change was so rapid, the overthrow so complete!"

but it also occurs when moving to ingolstadt, suggesting a discomfort with unfamilarity and a need for stability:

I threw myself into the chaise that was to convey me away and indulged in the most melancholy reflections. I, who had ever been surrounded by amiable companions, continually engaged in endeavouring to bestow mutual pleasure—I was now alone.

-- black-and-white thinking

this aspect is most clearly shown through the way victor thinks about, and drops and gains interests and relationships. he spends years studying ancient alchemy and it is his principle interest, and then drops it on a dime and suddenly looks upon this passion with contempt:

“By one of those caprices of the mind which we are perhaps most subject to in early youth, I at once gave up my former occupations, set down natural history and all its progeny as a deformed and abortive creation, and entertained the greatest disdain for a would-be science which could never even step within the threshold of real knowledge. In this mood of mind I betook myself to the mathematics and the branches of study appertaining to that science as being built upon secure foundations, and so worthy of my consideration”

later, he spends four years with his mind filled with "one thought, one conception, one purpose" studying the processes of life so intensely he forgoes adequate food, water and rest. this culminates in the creation and subsequent animation of the creature, which he again turns around and abandons this interest immediately, to the extent that he cannot bear to think of natural philosophy:

Ever since the fatal night, the end of my labours, and the beginning of my misfortunes, I had conceived a violent antipathy even to the name of natural philosophy.

it's a very polarized, all-or-nothing approach that is mirrored with his relationships, too, which he alternatedly neglects -- he cuts contact when he goes to ingolstadt but abruptly picks it up again when henry comes into his life; when the creature flees victor's apartment, victor treats it as if he never existed entirely; his family only comes to the center of the narrative again when he gets the letter from alphonse about william's murder, despite 2 years having been passed at ingolstadt, etc.

and finally;

-- low empathy

victor repeatedly focuses solely on his own internal emotional experience, and struggles to fully comprehend and understand the depth of feelings of others and respond with compassion in conventional ways. during justine's trial, for instance, he elevates his own suffering above justine's, even as she faces her literal execution:

I rushed out of the court in agony. The tortures of the accused did not equal mine; she was sustained by innocence, but the fangs of remorse tore my bosom and would not forgo their hold.

Despair! Who dared talk of that? The poor victim, who on the morrow was to pass the awful boundary between life and death, felt not, as I did, such deep and bitter agony. 

similarly, victor dismisses ernest's grief after william's death, he frames it in terms of how it affects himself -- telling ernest to "be more calm" to avoid causing his own discomfort:

Ernest began to weep as he said these words. “Do not,” said I, “welcome me thus; try to be more calm, that I may not be absolutely miserable the moment I enter my father’s house after so long an absence.

this detachment suggests not deliberate cruelty (victor very clearly loves his family, and he's said to be kind several times) but a limited capacity to process and respond to other's emotions. this is a detachment that extends to his views of the dead. during the creation of the creature, he refers to the corpses he utilizes as only "materials" instead of once having been fully-fledged human beings, and he does not contemplate the lives or dignity of the deceased.

aaaaaand thats it! thank you for indulging my. headcanon projection land. let me know what you all think...

[mins-fins]

pearls.

&&. its easy to let go around you, mark is so glad he has you as an escape.

pairing: mark lee x m!reader

genre: angsty but it ends fluffy, idol x regular joe

warnings: mentions of overworking

word count: 1.4k

notes: wrote this for the n01 markf ever in the world!!!! if yk who you are, yk who you are 🫶 anw, i am so terribly in love with mark this is absolutely vile 🙁 save me from this insanely pretty canadian man (DONT SAVE ME), if you can forgive me for not updating for literally TEN DAYS, take this as my apology.. i am so so very corny so those little ending love confessions come from real words i have said to my own very real bf 😞 again sorry for not updating for very long my knee is pretty injured AND life is so shitty.. okay i love you all bye 😓

you won't try to come up for an explanation as to why you were up at one in the morning.

yeah you were tired, but you were still up making coffee in your kitchen. your mind was racing with thoughts of work, god your job stresses you out so much, it's going to end up killing you one day, you can't close your eyes without hearing the loud shouting of your manager and overbearing customers who think they own the world.

sleep has never came easy to you, so coffee at one in the morning it is. the aroma of roasted beans makes it's way around the air of your kitchen, a smell that has become a staple of comfort to you, yeah the excessive coffee intake might kill you someday, but right now? right now you felt like you were in heaven.

your coffee drinking is interrupted by a knock at your day, your head shoots up like your a deer caught in headlights, and you blink at the unmoving wooden door of your unit. you're not expecting anyone, and especially not at one in the morning. your mind races with questions as you place the heated mug onto your kitchen counter, groaning silently as you make your way over to the door.

you can't think of who could possibly be at your door, maybe your manager? one of your coworkers? a guy from amazon delivering a package originally for your neighbors?

the last option seems like the most probable one, so when you open your door, you prepare a small sentence for the delivery person you expect to be at your door. "for the last time unit 17 is on the second floo—"

you pause as you open the door, it is not a random delivery guy from amazon. when you look up to meet the eyes of the person who had knocked on your door, you come face to face with a person you had missed more than anything.

mark.

you find a small smile coming to your face at the sight of your boyfriend, but your smile falls as you take in how he looks. his eyes are red and puffy, he's fidgeting with his sweater strings, and he's bitten his lips so hard that they've begun bleeding. your lips turn downward at the sight before you, he looks stressed, he looks miserable.

"oh god, hi babe, i didn't even know you'd come around".

mark blinks at you, continuing to fidget with the strings of his sweater, the sweater he's wearing is one you bought for him back last year when you went on that trip to vancouver. "sorry" he whispers, blinking again. "i just— i don't know i feel overwhelmed".

you tilt your head, immediately getting what he meant by that. you open your door wider, pausing mark's fidgeting momentarily to grab his left hand to intertwine it with yours. "come in" you don't wait for his response, just tug his hand gently, lurching him forward into your unit and smoothly closing the door behind you.

you catch on to mark's heightened anxiousness, but he seems to be want to be avoiding that topic as much as possible. "did something happen?"

mark is quick to shake his head, way too quick, you narrow your eyes at him and his weird change in behavior. "no, nothing, i'm just.. work, it's all becoming just a little too much for me".

ah, a small frown forms again on your lips. mark is a hardworking person, you know that, but it sometimes all gets to his head, those unbearable thoughts that he's not doing well enough, the unbearable feeling of anxiety that settles whenever he thinks about his future as a musician, the feeling that he's not doing enough even though he already does so much.

you hate that this has become a familiar sight. a distressed mark with tears welled up in his eyes, clearly trying his best to stay put together as he stood in front of your door, each time, it seemed to be getting worse and worse.

you've seen mark at so many of his lows, many more than you like to count, and just the thought of him feeling like he isn't doing enough upsets you.

you're not thinking about anything else when you step forward, not your untouched coffee on the counter, not your shitty job, nothing but making mark feel better. your arms wrap around him instinctively, and you loop your left arm around his waist to pull him into a hug, a hug he doesn't try to fight.

you hear a small sniffle leave mark as you tighten your hold on him, a few years escape his eyes, wetting the top of your sleeve, but you don't care, much too busy embracing him. "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry" your words are nothing but a small whisper in the expanse of your apartment, as if a secret shared only between the two of you, but mark hears your words well, he hears everything he has to. you raise and press a kiss to his forehead, an act of affection that just makes mark even more emotional than he expected.

"you shouldn't have to feel like this, you work so hard, you do so much.."

your mutters only get a small chuckle in response, and you just snicker as well.

mark has always found it easy to let go around you, it's been a staple of your relationship since forever, even before you began dating. around you, he doesn't feel like he has to put on a show, he doesn't have to live up to all of these unrealistic expectations. with you, he doesn't have to be world famous idol mark lee, he doesn't have to be star trainee mark lee, he doesn't have to be perfect, flawless mark lee.

with you, mark can let go, he can just be himself.

mark has no idea what he'd do without you.

when you pull away, arms still caged around mark, he doesn't let go immediately, head still pressed against your shoulder.

nothing else matters at the moment to you. so, instead of trying to move away from him, you let him begin moving you backward, you just allow for him to, lightly squeaking when he pushes you onto the couch and quickly moves to lay on top of you.

you giggle at his dedication, but he doesn't say anything more, just wraps his arms around you and lays his head onto your chest, listening to the beating of your heart. "you tired?"

mark just nods against your chest, letting out a small sigh as he cracks one eye open to glance at you. "y/n?"

"hm?"

"i love you.." he mutters, grabbing your hand and lacing his fingers with yours. "love you so much, i'm so happy i have you".

you laugh. "mark—"

"hush" he places a finger against your lips, cutting off your oncoming words. "let me finish" he gives a tired smile as he continues.

"i can't believe how lucky i am to have you, your always here taking care of me and i.. i can never figure out how to repay you, you're one of the best things to ever happen to me, everything becomes much more bearable with you, i love you so so much it's literally driving me crazy".

you blink as you listen to mark pour his heart out to you. he has always been like this, oh you're so in love, even at some of his lowest points, he never fails to remind you that he loves you, and that he feels so deeply for you. his words always strike you in a strange place, they always get a smile and red face out of you.

oh mark lee always knows how to leave you speechless.

"hey" you whisper, noticing mark slowly looking away from you. "you don't have to repay for me for anything, i'm your boyfriend, i'm always going to look after you because you're wellbeing is important to me, and don't start with all of that, you're one of the best things to happen to me".

mark snorts silently. "love you".

"love you more".

mark leans closer, moving his soft hand against yours. "i know" he whispers.

you run your fingers through his hair, slowly coaxing him to sleep with your ministrations.

"good".

[eddiegettingshot]

No, because it shouldn’t be blamed Oliver here. Yeah, people dont have boundaries and a weird behaviour, but that doesn’t mean that we need to excuse that behaviour. If you apply that logic to everything else, how would it be?

“Oh, let’s bullied this artist because I don’t know how to have boundaries and I’ll say to them how a loser theyre and how they song flops. It’s their fault for having an account”

“Oh, let’s follow this artists because I don’t know about boundaries and I want to take a picture with them. It’s their fault for being famous.”

“Oh, let’s ask about their private lives all the times because I don’t know about boundaries and I want to know if they’re together or not. It’s their fault because they’re famous and I’m a fan and they’re famous because I’m their fan.”

Then we get mad when artists like Chappel Roan set boundaries, because it’s not normalised. What’s normalised is not having boundaries and acting like we’re 13 years old asking weird shit to their accounts. Common sense. The jokes in the fandom stay in the fandom.

Sometimes we forget that just because they’re famous, they’re not humans. Oliver should be meanier. Have a good day xx

i mean, i'm not excusing the behavior. i said that people shouldn't be dming him and i also said i don't understand why people dm him in the first place because i think it's weird to interact with celebrities. i am quite literally advocating for him to do exactly what you're saying here: he NEEDS to set firmer boundaries because it is deeply unfair that he singled out some 19 year old for saying something innocuous about him that he didn't like on a DIFFERENT PLATFORM, where legions of people have been saying the same thing. i feel exactly the same way about being on here, for the record—do you know why i rarely receive anons about things i don't like? because i block and i don't answer and i am also very clear about stuff i'm not interested in talking about. and this is on a platform where you have FAR less control over what gets sent to you than instagram. i also, for example, think it's deeply annoying when people fan the flames of trolls because, even though it's not anyone's fault that they were sent disturbing content, giving people like that attention literally makes the problem worse for EVERYONE. obviously nobody should be trolling or acting badly! but it happens. so we don't engage and we figure out ways to mitigate harm and make the experience better for OURSELVES and the people we care about. and regardless, it is truly disingenuous to act like celebrities, who are indeed human, aren't operating on a different level than regular civilians on the internet. oliver stark shouldn't be meaner, he should log the hell off. but thanks!

[luckyshouse]

the reason why fetish art and acceptance of sexuality is so insanely important is because shame is what drives the pedophile. shame and secrecy, they never learn to look their sexual expression in the face and never learn how to engage with it in an adult way with other adults. and that is partially due to the shame and harassment put onto people with strange and unusual kinks and fetishes, and partially due to their own trauma and refusal to admit that they are a sexual being and have agency over their sexuality. one thing i've noticed about all groomers and all pedophiles is that they act as if their kinks, fetishes, and sexual needs are uncontrollable. a separate part of them. something uncontrollable and something that will exist no matter what. i believe this is also why there has been very little success when it comes to rehabilitating known pedophiles, especially when considering once you do something once, it opens up the doors to continuing the same behavior because you got away with it before. but the thing is, sexuality will always, always be fluid, and people need to channel that into something else in an adult way. your sexual needs ARE your regular needs, they are the same as any other desire or need, and they can be shifted or changed when you actually care about the people you are affecting. there are so many people on this website right fucking now who are my age, and my heart bleeds for them because i know what the internet is like. i know what it is like to be bombarded by constant disgusting sexual content from as soon as you can read, its something i'm very aware of. and these people are being told that theres no fixing their sexuality, that these genuinely malicious fetishes and kinks that were pushed onto them as children have caused them to be forever pedophiles. and that they need to convince people that thats okay. but what they need is for someone to sit them the fuck down and explain to them that what they are doing is literally actively creating more people like them right now, that their CP and their incest work is literally at this moment being used to groom more kids into thinking this is ok. they need to be sat down and explained to that yes kinks and fetishes are entirely normal, they are something you should learn to incorporate into your life and expression and identity if you feel the need, they are things you need to talk to with OTHER real adults about. because we are animals, we are sexual beings by nature, and it is important for human development to open up these conversations. but shame and regret and untreated trauma keeps these people in these cycles of trying to justify some SERIOUSLY egregious shit just so they can get off without examining their trauma, or examining WHY they're getting off to this in the first place. i honestly find it really deplorable. i thought we were supposed to be the ones ensuring this shit wouldn't ever happen again to kids, and yet here we are, 2024, all the people i grew up with who i saw get groomed over and over and over and over on this website are now making posts about how looking at pictures of children getting fucked and reading stories about a brother preying on his sister is completely fucking normal. i'm sorry to burst your bubble, it isn't. your posts stink of untreated, unexamined trauma, you have let yourself become a slave to your libido that isn't even yours anymore. i don't know how to explain to these people that i am not conservative for saying this, and i don't know how to explain to these people that incest and pedophilia is literally the white mans tool for purity and control. it isn't kinky fun time, it isn't just a devious taboo. grow the fuck up. it is a white supremacy tool that was used AGAINST you to indoctrinate you and you fell for it hook line and sinker and are now trying to convince people you aren't guilty. you are. and you will be guilty until you take a moment to step back and look at yourself in the eyes, and ask yourself why that specific power dynamic is seemingly the ONLY thing that can get you off.

There are plenty of other fetishes and kinks that have almost the exact same sort of power dynamic, the same sort of humiliation or control or risque-ness out there. The issue is, these things ARE actually taboo, they are seen as the ACTUAL SEXUAL DEVIANCE, because they are intrinsically connected to art and homosexuality. that's how i know none of you mean anything you actually say, i know that none of you actually give a fuck about human psychology or "pro-kink" or anything like that because you straight up only use the excuses you use to get away with your fictional CP. i want there to be a happy ending for us, i want there to be spaces for us to express ourselves, i want to see people learn to interact with sexuality in a healthy and fun and unique way. I am so fucking tired of seeing my entire peer group take the tools that rich white pedophiles have pushed onto us and use it on eachother and younger generations. it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. Grow up. Get into other things. Stop trying to get other people to manage your trauma for you. I do not forgive you, and your posts attempting to shove your guilt onto me mean fucking nothing. You can only say "you sound like a conservative homophobe" so many times to me without sounding actually fucking insane, knowing my pedophile conservative father would be patting you on the back knowing he taught you well. You're a coward. I want to see you grow a pair.

[sailingfireshipz]

Ok, are yall ready to yap about WTF is going on with Carver!?

I first want to start off by saying I get that what Carver saw in 12x13 was extremely triggering for him, but what I don't understand is this. He goes to Texas, links up with an old fling for 6 weeks according to the time jump & brings her back to Chicago.

He completely avoids Violet & when he does talk to her, he is the one that said they should move forward as friends. Even after finding out about Tori deleting the text message, he was so quick to fall right back in with her, but he wouldn't even give Violet a chance to plead her case.

Carver decided to lie to Tori & go to Violets's party, so why is he acting like the people at 51 are all of a sudden his enemies? I'm so confused, and it doesn't make sense. Clearly, Tori is manipulating him by keeping him liquored up & dragging him out every night to keep him busy & tired. She doesn't allow Carver to sit still long enough because if he does, he'll have time to actually think/process.

What I'm trying to figure out is if Carver is hell bent on this Tori chick because he feels like Violet rejected him or is directly tied to the call from 12x13.... is it both?

I've said this a few times, but I'll say it again. The damage they are doing to Carvers' character development is baffling to me because i don't understand what the outcome of this storyline is supposed to be. Carvers' overall attitude & presence on my screen is starting to irk me because I want to feel bad for the guy but in the same breath it's hard to overlook all the shit we've already went through with him. Atp, i don't even ship Mikarver anymore because I dont want this version of Carver anywhere near Violet.

Why make Jake a series regular if the intent was to just ruin his character. He literally just got in half of the fandoms' good graces in the back half of S11/ early 12 because of this same shit.

I get the theme of the S13 is hauntings & ppl from the past but we're 6 episodes into the season & we have unearthed NO new information about Carver but we have been vividly reminded why we didn't like him in S11.

He bumped heads with Gallo, and now he's snapping at Ritter. He was getting drunk, getting into brawls & getting locked up now he's showing up to damn near every shift hungover. He was snappy with Stella in S11 & though he hasn't been out of line with her yet the fact that she had to get out of the rig when they were supposed to be responding to a call to come find him....

So like what's the wake-up call & when is it coming? Because my tolerance is starting to dwindle & if his behavior continues to spill over into the house & dynamic of Truck 81 further widening the target on Stella Kidds back with Pascal.....

Idk, am I being too hard on him? Like I said, I feel for the guy, but how much more before we can turn the page? I want the Sam Carver that was there for Gallo & Gibson. The one that showed up for his LT when Shep was outside the loft. The one that told Violet nothing bad was going to happen to him, especially on the dance floor. 🥹

[batbitesthebat]

Hey bat!!!! :D it's been a whileeee.. So- here's my question!

Do you have any head canons for your octonauts- characters? (Regular au) if so. Can I know em? :0

Sorry this took me so long!! I'm a very busy Bat!!

I decided to share some headcanons for all of my octonauts for my normal BatBites AU.

Captain Barnacles:

He goes to sleep curfew on the DOT and wakes up at 7:00 am each morning, and will wake up the other Octonauts as well

He feels like the father of the crew, whether he likes to or not

He doesn't open up to anybody about his struggles or insecurities- ever! He's bad at that sort of thing...

During the summer he'll take extremely long cold baths that he'll literally dump ice in, and he sheds like crazy, he does NOT like the summer.

His suit has a cooler. Tweak built it for him!!

He is totally unaware of any feelings his CREwMAtes might have for him....

Lt Kwazii Cat:

He bat's other peoples tails instinctively...

He can bareeely taste sweet, so he'll usually add a shit ton of sugar to his desserts

Struggles with impulse control and social awareness, struggles to understand what can be talked about on the dinner table and what can't be

Quite ashamed honestly about his cat-like behavior, so he'll try to keep it to himself. He doesn't like to meow or purr around anyone but Shellington, but because he lacks impulse control, he'll end up doing it anyway. Dashi loves the meowing.

He's incredibly affectionate

His first thought when a sea creature gives them trouble is I'LL SHOW THEM WHO'S BOSS!!!

Medic Peso Penguin:

His urge to pick up rocks everytime he sees a pile of them goes strong, and he usually ends up doing just that

This is more of a redesign than a headcanon, but he has a full set of teeth in the og books and I thought that would be a good excuse to give him fangs in my AU just for added cuteness

He's a chronic apologizer

He gets picked on by the crew occasionally, he hates it

He looks up to Barnacles and Kwazii so much- he IS the youngest and the last one to join, after all.

He does really like taking care of his friends.

He's a bit of a crybaby. His sense of empathy is really big and strong, and he'll feel himself tear up if he sees something- or someone- suffering.

IT Officer Dashi Dog:

Because she's the IT officer, programmer & photographer, she's super busy all the time

And speaking of time, she always loses track of it..

If Kwazii and Barnacles were to be unavailable she would be in charge.

She likes to keep incredibly clean even if the DEMONS tell her to jump in the MUDD and have FUNN

She loves everything cute and collects chibi cat squishies. This is like, one of my first head canons ever.

She's in charge of the wifi, whenever it shuts down and the crew begins to bug her about it, she gets super fckin annoyed

She barks, because of course she barks, and her tail wags whenever she sees something she likes or is giving/receiving affection

Her tail ALSO wags when she's talking to Captain Barnacles, I wonder why THAT is!!!

Engineer Tweak Rabbit:

Gets 1 second of sleep every night

Taught the rest of the crew how to play her video games

She glows in the dark because she's literally radioactive, same with her dad

When she needs a break she goes to the garden to chill, and eat a few carrots on the way

Will wake up in a cold sweat to randomly build something in the middle of the night

She does not give a shit about how messy she gets

Dr. Shellington Sea Otter:

Spends so much of his alone time just grooming himself

Goes searching through the fridge for ice cubes during the summer. Loves his ice cubes

Was the most geekiest geek in high school, he had like 3 friends

He plays visual novels

He's really defensive, embarrassed, and shy about what he likes.

His sleep schedule is fcked up, he talks in his sleep as well. He'd much rather be spending his time researching so as he sleeps he'll usually dream about his research.

He cannOT take a compliment. Compliment him and he will curl up into a little ball out of shame.

Professor Inkling Octopus:

He'll put on classical music in the library and vibe to it with whoever's with him

He hosts story nights occasionally

He's really good at giving romantic advice

He refuses to drink coffee

He needs to be constantly MOIST

his chair is super high tech and comes with a heater and cooler

May or may not be the group therapist

He's INKredibly humble

Tunip Vegimal:

Like 4 years old

Gets excited over literally anything

Gets the cutest puppy dog eyes when he wants something

Defaults to running around with the other vegimals when there's nothing to do

His fave thing in the world is watching the crews face light up when they eat his food

Vegimal food just hits different

Tunip sees Shellington as his dad, and sees Tweak as his mama. Kwazii's the gay aunt

*flies away*

[millysastroblog]

✨Solar Return Chart 2023✨

#Birthday Edition 🥳

Hello Hello guys ,I am so happy to be back on track with my Solar Return Chart Series. In the last couple of weeks if found myself to be inspiered by my last Solar Return Chart 2022 that changed my life. So I thought why not share my knowledge and experience for this year since my birthday is today 🎉🥳🥳🥳🥳! Some might wonder how is it possible to experience the manifestations of a SR Chart so soon. For me personally my SR Chart gets activated 3 months prior to my actual birthday.

So let’s start.

✨SR ASC in Virgo:

Oh boy, since the past 3 months my daily routines have been a bit more chaotic and stressful becuase of work and school. I am very busy at work trying to get my task orderly and efficently done. Since SR ASC Virgo has been activted, i feel less emotinal but more analytical, perfectinistic and focused on what needs to fixed and done. Recently i have meet so many different people through my working enviroument that i have help with diffucult or complicated tasks, trying to be the one who carrys the heavy load . My anxiety has increaed out of no where like I get nervous and anxious about the smallest things like attending social gatherings puncutal, my work projects, school, about how I handle my health etc. Speaking off health matters. I try to balance it out with meditations, mindful eating, healthy diets, Yoga etc.

✨SR ASC ruling natal 5th house:

Thankfully I have the SR Rising placement connected to the my natal 5th house ruler and it's surely not boring or draining. It's more of a lighthearted, fun, relaxing energy .that gave or still gives me the opportunity to explore my creative pursuits like a hobby, engaging in things that bring me joy. And interestingly in January I started this Astro Blog. I found writing and reading to be one of my main passions additionally with dancing,cooking, binge watching shows, singing, and yoga .The 5th house also represents children the past couple months i have been bonding with my little sister like crazy, i literally just want to spend every hour of the day just with her. Sadly i haven't had experiences around dating or the romantic sector, maybe it will happen later on, who knows ?  #hobbys, creativity, fun

✨7th house stellium (Sun,Mercury,Neptune) :

Ummmhh love? Relationships? are things I think about frequently. Lately I started to reflect on my past destructive behaviors in my past close connections/relationships and how I used to sabotage them because of my unhealed wounds . Having a 7th house SR Chart Stellium doesn't always determine that someone will be in a relationship but I surely have the desire to connect with different types of people. I have this inner craving to form healthy close bonds and heal from past traumatic relationships . I am kind of still processing my last close connection which i ended 6 months ago thinking about what i could have done better, why i did it, do i regret it, Will i ever be ready for a relationship? and so on.... but I still have hope of finding my soulmate. # life commitment

✨Moon Libra in the 2nd house:

With Moon in Libra the need to have people around me is two times intensified since Libra rules the 7th house. One thing I can definitely say is that my finances (personal income) is fluctuating like ebb and flow. I earn my money normally through my job but I spend huge amounts of it recklessly. It's the emotional impulse that drives me very loose and irresponsible because I feel ( moon) like doing it, but I do gain little finacial gains out my regular income out of know where though. #money honey

✨Chiron, Venus, Jupiter in the 8th house ruled by Aries:

Ohhh god, the packed 8th house....luckily its in Jupiter and Venus which defently helped me with gaining money from other sources like people. Venus showed me how to see beauty in things that are underneath the surface and not tangible. I truly want to have passionate romantic lustful relationship where I can share so many undiscovered, hidden parts that hopefully will be received with acceptance and understanding . Jupiter ummmm... my libido is on skyrockets at this point. Sry to mention it but it's true. Chiron in this house will assist me in healing the ugly and nasty parts about sexual matters, money and deep intimate connections that i am scared and deeply ashamed of. 

✨Mars in the 10th house ruled by Gemini :

Now this is one of the most intense SR chart placements because I possess mars in the 10th house natally. Ahh again with work my career path is right now very intense, my workaholic nature comes even more out, like a crazy uncontrollable working machine. Lately I have been questioning if my career path is the right one, or if I would want to switch into another department where I can express my truest passions and talents. I haven't had conflicts with bosses or people at work yet but with my mother since she counts as an authority figure which is from a natal standing point nothing knew, but just 10 times intensified. 

✨Saturn in the 6th :

Ohh boy boy work work work literally the only thing that pops up in my SR Chart for this year. So Saturn as we all know represents hardships and restrictions and lately I have been very lazy lacking, energy and motivation for my daily activities .I just feel drained and burnt out from my working life. But the positive thing about Saturn is that it sheds light on certain patterns that are not useful or productive for us. In my case it would be how I overindulge in unhealthy habits like binge watching shows everday, overeating, procrastination and the list goes on. Saturn in the 6th house has had subtle impact on my physical health with constant neck and back pains :(

✨Uranus, North Node in the 9th house :

Now with Uranus in the 9th I have been also traveling a lot of course for work purposes, visited new different places and had interesting experiences. But this is a very disruptive and chaotic energy while traveling long distance or for longer hours, I tend to be so nervous and all over the place losing my cool when I misse my plane or train. I look forward to plane multiple trips for this year :)

✨Pluto in the 5th house:

Pluto made me create an obsession with my hobby’s like posting Astro content. As I mentioned before children can be a huge part , deciding whether I would want to have kids in the future or not at all. This placement gave me introspective and insightful moments about myself who I identify as, what makes me happy and what my passion and talents are.

You guys probably know my entire life story through this Solar Return Observation 😅. I hoped this kind of helped to see how a SR Chart can manifest in real life situations.

Down below there is a question about if you guys might want another Observation from my chart from last year because that is when I can spell some interesting facts and predictions since it lasted a whole entire year.

Im just going to enjoy my birthday and wish u guys a beautiful blessed day 🥰!

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

so wow downfall

There's like a weird... contradiction, right? Because on one hand, like Cassida was like, "am I supposed to understand you or am I supposed to find you inscrutable?"

and thats valid of her

because on one hand, the might of the gods smiting down aeor was championed by how much Better they are than the wizards, how much Power they had compared to mortals, how they are GODS beyond mortal ken

and on the other hand, we see them as squabbling siblings that seem familiar - a family just like ours - with bonds that resemble any bonds on earth, perfectly recognizable and relatable

but i know squabbling siblings, i know messy family relationships, and the idea that i would let any of my more outrageous family members take care of an ant farm - much less reality as a whole - is deeply, deeply frightening

thats a recipe for disaster. mortal-like behavior is fine if the splash zone of consequences are broken homes, broken bonds, broken memories. but if the splash zone is like... reality itself... yeah guys, im gonna need you to lock it the fuck in

with great power comes great responsibility - yeah you know what, i am absolutely going to hold the gods to a higher standard and expect them to behave better than a regular family reunion - why? because the consequences get Fucking Dire if they squabble

im not sure that i understand why people think that portraying gods as mortal like makes them better? like the mortals didnt get a say who the gods were so likewise cant make a say ablut how gods meddle - like... bro nations were formed from wars started on behalf of remote authorities that the soldiers no longer recognized as authorities

no fucking wonder everyone rebelled against the gods. aeor was oppenheimer and hamilton imho.

the Divine Gate makes sense now tho... the gods broke their oaths and theyre going to play fair this once and agree to leave - im with the lawbearer...

theres literally so many myths everywhere about how gods with powers beyond mortal ken, yet acting like mortals, only means strife and destruction

sure it makes for a compelling story but im not convinced that divine power is any better in the gods hands than it would be to a crazy guy like luda - i dont want luda to have that power but neither am i convinced the gods should have it

honestly im team laerryn, lets be fucking neighbors with the gods - oh theyre so fucked up with their family problems? you know what they could use? counseling - you know what they need to get counseling? a bigger support network that doesnt consist only of people they have history with - you know who could easily fill the space of a support network (if only they were seen as more than children)? the mortal world

having the prime deities be dutch ovened into these toxic relationships with the betrayers is also - i gotta say - not fucking great. if the only company that i could keep, with whom i could speak freely, was my extended family, i would go nuts!! if theyre as mortal like as mortals, theyre hurting themselves by having such a closed social ring

laerryn was right - tearing down the divide between mortals and divinity is the only way

[batwynn]

Some examples of stims I did while growing up until I was forced to stop each one by an adult in my life:

Humming/whistling

Copying bird whistles

Chewing on my hair

Chewing on pens/pen caps/pencils/etc.

Matching a sound from around me

Repeating words/phrases frequently

Making ‘weird’ sounds with my mouth

Tapping something/tapping a finger or foot

Singing what I was doing

Blinking in patterns

Constant doodling

And undoubtably more that I don’t even remember.

The result of being forced to stop stimming no matter what stim I tried:

Constantly anxious. Constantly.

I started picking at my skin and pulling out my hair.

More outbursts and/or more shut downs.

I formed a stutter under even the smallest amount of stress.

I became less social. Didn’t talk as much. Didn’t feel comfortable communicating to anyone.

I was markedly less happy.

Restless and unable to focus because stimming helped me work with my ADHD side as well.

Confusion, hurt, and isolation because I was then aware that I was ‘weird’.

I formed a huge distrust of adults around me, including family. Which lead to me getting in trouble for not ‘respecting authority’. (Aka: I asked questions and didn’t take what everyone said as a fact.)

I developed depression.

Oh, and I was still bullied for being ‘weird’ so stopping stimming didn’t even help that. Surprise!

Eventual outcome as an autistic adult:

Constant anxiety that I often can’t source and don’t know how to sooth anymore.

No self soothing techniques work or feel ‘natural’ anymore.

I lean heavily on disassociation to get through the day and/or during stressful moments.

I’m accused of faking it, lying, etc. by people because I learned to mask my autistic traits as best as possible.

Frequently don’t have the language for when I’m overwhelmed, and frequently misunderstood when I try to explain that something is bothering me like fabric texture or sounds.

Treated like I’m incompetent, a child, or a collection of both if I don’t behave ‘perfectly’.

Talked down to a lot.

Still picking at my skin and pulling out my hair. 🥲

Constantly feel like I’m lying about who I am/ frequent identity crisis and impostor syndrome mix up.

Trouble with relationships/friendships to different extremes. (Ex: I was groomed as a kid/teen and didn’t know until I was in my late 20s. Have trouble keeping friendships because I just don’t know how to interact with people the ‘right way’.)

I had to teach myself a lot of ‘regular’ social cues and behaviors by mimicking people around me. That unfortunately doesn’t alway work, and/or comes with accidentally mimicking a personality trait/quark/etc. which leads to people thinking your mocking them or copying them.

A lot of rage for the people who treated me like shit my entire life for being autistic.

Moments of feeling very small and childish when things are out of my control.

Feeling guilty/uncomfortable about some things I like because they’re considered childish. (Ex: stuffed animals.)

Fear of any and all interactions with strangers. Fear of not being able to predict where the conversation will go. Fear of extreme negative reactions even when it doesn’t seem realistic for that to happen.

And more that are so ingrained in my life that I don’t even recognize them anymore.

I can’t not think about how my life could have turned out if those adults had let me be comfortably autistic. I can literally see physical differences in old photos of me, where I just stopped being me. Where the happiness and honesty were bullied out of me. And were my stims and behaviors that bothersome? No, actually. I had already learned to do different stims in different environments so I wasn’t being noisy when I needed to be quiet etc. But that wasn’t good enough, so every stim and every ‘weird’ behavior had to stop. Why? Because these adults had a power over me and other children like me, and they liked to abuse it.

It’s abuse. The end.

[system-of-a-feather]

Re-establishing Baseline Plan

Since moving, I've (completely understandably and expectedly) had my baseline kinda fucked (did not help by with financial stress + job incompatibility + ear infection + really bad post ear infection cold + probable norovirus in literally one month) and so I've been really overloaded, stressed, and just in a place of mostly survival mode where most of my energy is focused on maintaining my mental and physical state in the easiest manners possible

I have been holding up well all things considered and have set up for a probably more compatible job + my fiance has managed to get a job again that he feels will probably work out well for him and I have at least like a week off between jobs to reorientate myself

So to take a good and active effort to make the best of this time, I want to make a plan to set myself up for success. I actually do this every so often when I really need to pick myself up (historically Lucille would usually do it but pros of being basically fully integrated is that I am Lucille as well as me) and I figured it would be a neat thing to display and demonstrate here cause I'd end up making it *anyways* so why not share with the class

If anyone likes this, yall can borrow it ^^

-----

Question One: What current coping skills and hobbies am I currently doing and trying with my time? Are they affective and would I like to change them?

Art, Drawing, Character Design, Art Fight Prep, Story Planning and Writing

This is one of the easiest and most reliable positive coping mechanisms and has gotten me through the majority of the month mostly on it's own. Compared to other coping mechanisms, this one is almost always something I can drag myself to do or at least ask someone to supervise me to make sure I do it when I feel I need some sort of self care. It serves greatly as an alternative when I find that I am doing maladaptive coping that I would rather not do and when in doubt, it has access to some level of social engagement should I feel I need that. With that being said, having relied largely on this for a month, this is suffering diminishing returns and starting to lead to general lack of inspiration and so diversification from this coping mechanism would be ideal

Weekend Gym Trips

This is actually a really good way for me to release energy, give myself space and time to think, and just feel better moving and existing in my body. It also mandates time for me to listen to music and serves a meditative purpose. That said, I have only been doing this on Saturdays and only once on Sunday and I would like to expand that to be at least 3 times a week or at least more spaced out.

Reading Semi Regularly

This is a new habit and coping I picked up and its actually really good! It provides a unique sense of calm when I need it. Unfortunately I've started to drop off the past week due to general stress and illness, so I think its important to return to this. Perhaps set a general goal of "every other day" rather than every day to lessen the pressure.

Video Games

This was helpful but lately I have been not motivated to play anything and I believe its been burnt out. I think it would be good to resume this but it is currently impractical to force at the moment until overall wellness has returned.

TV with Boy

This is helpful but unforunately nothing seems to interest either of us to watch right now. (cri life is hard /lh)

Board Games with Boy

This is a new one and has actually been very nice. That said, it isn't always available and dependent on my fiance's ability to have the energy, time and interest to play them, particularly since I know he is less interested in board games than me. It is good to maintain the interest and offer, but not a coping skill to become reliant on.

Question Two: What sorts of things that I am currently not doing do I know tend to define behaviors, habits, hobbies, and interests that are done when I am out of survival mode and genuinely enjoying life?

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

Engagement in Exploration and just independent travels without individuals

Engagement and interest in occasionally reaching out to Buddhist environments

Producing art work for the story that is more developed and inspired rather than "quick" or "reference" focused - actually focusing on the creative and artistic expression rather than the practical expression

Increased social circle communication irl beyond my online bestie, fiance, and online friend group chat; reaching out to individuals and developing new irl friendships

Question Three: Which of those hobbies do I think could be the most reasonable and easy to meet sooner than later (even better if I can make steps to start that right now / today)? In what ways could I make steps to make those first changes and help set myself up for success on expanding my engagement with life beyond survival mode?

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

While I am not extensively motivated in any manner to watch anything in particular, I am starting to randomly get a lot of bleach related stuff on my youtube and I have been meaning to watch TYBW arc. I have been postponing it because of arbitrary "I wanna read the manga first" and just general other excuses, but realistically those are putting up barriers that I may not get to at this rate and currently I could just use something I'm somewhat interested in to give me some independent relaxing engagement. I think I can set the goal of actually watching Bleach TYBW at least an episode a day starting either today or tomorrow and see if that can bring a momentum and habit into actually being able to watch things that interest me on my own.

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

I can probably actually take my violin back out. The guitar would probably be better but for whatever reason I feel that my brain thinks that would require more - for a lack of better word - work, so I think I can at least try to find time this week to at least play a little bit of my violin.

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers + "increased social irl connection [...]"

I can reach out and text my new irl birding connections to see if they are interested; if not I can at least plan to take a birding trip later

Engagement in Buddhist Stuff

I know there is an area I've been thinking of visiting that has free english services on Tuesday, I can make plans to go there that day, particularly since my Fiance should be working for the first day then anyways.

Question Four: What are additional goals and check points that we would like to try to bring us closer to the life style that we know tends to support a thriving mental state and life satisfaction rather than one of survival?

Independent Travels

During the time I have, I can keep in mind this goal and if I have down time think of potentially interesting and alternative places to go to explore; additionally I can plan birding trips to places I have not yet checked out.

Increased Social IRL Connection

It is dependent on if my now-ex-coworker still is interested, but I can follow up and see if we want to still play board games; if not I think potential more ways to reach out will be more viable to plan once a higher level of baseline is established; potentially see if there are any in person DnD groups around that I could make a habit of going to or any martial art dojos that we can afford

More Inspired Art

I think this is something that will come with time between lessening the burn out of my current art-as-a-coping mechanism goal as well as actually engaging in more media and independent interests as to gain more inspiration.

Question Five: Summarize the Key Points and Plans Discussed in This into a Bullet Points of Take Aways

Modifying Current Coping:

Diversify and lean off of using art as a main coping mechanism; give that one a break

Attempt to go to the gym more frequently or at least space it out more throughout the week

Continue reading; lessen the ideal to every other day in case demand pressure is adversely affecting it

Keep an open interest in playing board games with fiance

Changes I Want To Make Soon:

Start watching Bleach TYBW w/ at least one episode a day

Bring out my violin and try to at least play with it for one hour this week

Reach out to new bird peers to see if they want to plan a birding trip sometime, if not then plan one independently

Make plans to go to that place on Tuesday for the open Buddhist service

Changes to Keep an Eye Out For:

Opportunities to go somewhere new randomly for no particular reason or goal in mind other than to just see whats around us

Spoons and time availability to see out places to expand our irl social circles

Inspiration for art in general

Question Six: Set for Regular Follow Ups to Check Progress

Isn't tumblr's queue / schedule function super neat for this

[mydarlingmydear]

Yandere Singer Part 1

Warning: This post contains topics such as stalking as well as sexual themes. No minors allowed. Viewer discretion advised.

You are literally the most normal person ever

You have friends from work, you work a regular 9-5, nothing special, no tragic backstory, no quirky attributes, a plain jane

Elijah Lucas is a new pop star/singer hitting the scene and everyone is losing their minds over him

He's like the new BTS, except he's one person

You've never been a fan though because he's had some controversies like a messy break-up with his ex, no one ever really found out what happened other than both parties did not like each other

He's been snappy towards fans and paparazzi, but everyone just shrugged it off as him 'being a person too' and people should leave him alone

He left his own concert once after telling a fan off on stage because some fans were throwing things at him like phones and bras.

In interviews he's been cocky and snappy sometimes, sounding arrogant and just plain disrespectful to the interviewer, and people say he's not fun to work with... at all

So... you don't like him. Especially because people dismiss his bad behavior and let him get away with it because they think he's hot

You were working as a server at a restaurant when he came in. You had to serve him and you were 'so' happy about it.

Obviously, as you assumed, he was snappy, and rude, and treated you like you were dumb, which pissed you off

You asked one of your coworkers to serve him instead but they said no because you had already started, and it would be weird to switch halfway through

Irritated, you went out back for you break, phone in hand, when you saw him out there taking a break from his 'crowd', smoking

Immediately, you turned to leave, hoping he didn't see you, but you were very much wrong.

"I can tell you don't like me, you know." He said, looking over at you, blowing out smoke. You panicked, not knowing how to respond. You wanted to snap at him but you're anxiety got the better of you.

"O-o-oh... um... sorry... I guess." You say and quickly turn to leave.

"No you're not." He laughs. You turn back around. What did he say? He looks you up and down and laughs. "You're not sorry. Look at you. I mean-" he pauses, "Do you know who I am? Sorry? That's it?" He scoffs. He begins to walk up to you and you panic, reaching for the door, but he sets his hand on it, slamming it closed so you couldn't leave.

"You're clearly pissed, so why don't you just tell me why?" He mused, clearly finding this interaction funny.

"A-are you mad at me?" You mumble, freaked out. He's way taller than you, he smells like smoke and cologne, and you've seen how he acts on tv.

He looks at you for a few seconds before laughing a little. "Mad? Why would I be mad? I don't even know you. I'm curious. Shouldn't someone like you be shocked to see someone like me?" You look away in silence, not knowing what to say. You don't want to piss this guy off.

"Well? Are you gonna say something?" He leans down to try and make eye contact with you. You look away and he scoffs. "Oh come on don't be so shy. I don't bite."

"Well clearly you do." You mumble.

"What was that?" He sneers, clearly offended. You sigh and look up at him for a second before looking away.

"Okay fine. I don't like you because all the news I've seen about you seems bad. You're mean to fans and interviewers and it rubs me the wrong way."

"What do you want me to do to rub you the right way?" He mumbles in a flirty tone, causing you to panic and backup. He laughs. "I'm kidding! Calm down, gosh. Well... that's just how I am, and I'm not apologizing for that." He shrugs, looking at you.

"I have to go back to work. Please let go." You mumble, looking at the ground.

He's silent, but you can feel his eyes on you. "Fine." He says. He starts to let go but closes the door one more time. "But I'm coming back, cutie. And I'm gonna request you as my server." He smirks. He puts his cigarette back in his mouth and lets go as you hurry back inside.

You really hope he didn't mean that last part.

Elijah Lucas, the one and only. He got his start on youtube and tik tok, posting covers and his own music. He wanted to bring rock back, as he loved shredding on the electric guitar. He got a lot of fans who loved 80's rock.

He did other music as well, but his main genre was rock and punk music. He eventually signed a label with a company and soon rose to fame, performing at Coachella and Summerfest, Lalapalooza, and more. He released his own albums, had concerts, etc.

People said he was the 'new Amy Winehouse' or 'Michael Jackson'. Sometimes he did regular pop music like Justin Bieber, BTS, or One Direction, but only because his label said it would bring in more fans.

He performed on SNL, was in some movies, and more. This guy was huge.

But it wasn't enough.

He got a girlfriend, Taylor Swift (you know her, right?), it was huge and boosted his publicity like crazy

However, they had a pretty messy breakup. They both agreed not to reveal anything, but she blamed it all on him in their private arguments.

He can't help that he gets jealous, they're dating. Or... were dating. He belongs to her and thats how relationships go. He didn't want her going out with friends, and hated when men made comments about her. She was his. But not anymore. She yelled at him and said he was too possessive, he was crazy and obsessed.

Of course, she wrote a song about being free and avoiding people who cling too much, which he refused to acknowledge was about him. Of course people were side Taylor, side Elijah. He didn't get as much hate as he expected to, people blamed Taylor for dating him just to write a song, it was a mess.

He went back to performing as usual, and they went their separate ways. He was in town for a concert he was performing and went to a restaurant. The restaurant was super accommodating and made sure not many people were served that day (because they were paid extra to).

The food wasn't that good and the server was clearly in a bad mood. It pissed him off. He went outside for a smoke break to get away from everyone and of course who else but his server comes outside with their phone. The more he looked at them, the more he thought they were kind of cute. Not only that, but dating a nobody might be interesting, and give him good publicity.

However they were playing hard to get. He liked that. He liked a chase. They were shy and quiet, and it made him want to... corrupt them. He wanted to watch them squirm and blush, and whimper... for fucks sake he just met them. And he was having these thoughts. They refused to look him in the eye and they went off about how much of jerk he was.

He was sick of people refusing to tell him the truth because he was talented and sexy. Taylor didn't tell him the truth. She was clearly just pissed he wouldn't let do whatever she wanted. She loved him, she just didn't want to admit it. Everyone loved him.

Who wouldn't? He was a singer, he could shred on the guitar, he was fit and sexy... so when this nobody didn't bow down at his feet it pissed him off. They should be begging for an autograph like everyone in that restaurant. They were probably too shy and just hiding the fact that they were a huge fan. He liked their stubbornness. Their shyness.

He had to work for his talent, and his fame. He wasn't a nepo baby. In fact he came from a bad household. He knew that back then, if he wanted them he would have to work for it. But now, people would do anything for him. They would kill for him. So if he wanted them, he would get them, one way or another.

And he always gets what he wants.

[girderednerve]

it's true what they say: small town libraries are different

at present i am like, wow, they might be worse! everybody keeps telling me that we don't have enough problems to bother developing a policy for things, and then when we have problems we're all just supposed to make a judgment call without ever having talked about our values in any detail, so it's a huge mess

in my larger urban library, we knew our patrons & had some background on our regulars, but we mostly tried to consistently enforce a clear set of rules, & i spent a lot of time getting into arguments (usually productively) about what our ethical orientation towards those rules should be (whose needs are we prioritizing, how & why; what are the trade-offs to interpreting this rule generously, &c &c) & sitting through training discussions about how to enforce rules with patrons in a practical way (what kinds of problems do we tend to run into & how can we mitigate them; tone & body language stuff; scripts). genuinely i think library behavior rules are extremely important & getting staff buy-in for a shared vision of what experience we're trying to make sure that patrons have in the library is vital. i think about this all the time because i worked in libraries that had real safety threats (e.g., brawls; bomb threat) & spent a lot of time arguing what i thought of as the liberty interest, insisting over & over again that people who break rules in the library should not be barred from our services unless they are truly preventing others from accessing the library. a written set of rules gives people a strong guideline for what to expect in the library, if you do it right.

this is why i am all the time banging on about it, because most of these rules are VERY BAD! they do not promote patron understanding of library services; they are either vague ("be respectful" oh okay great thanks? what does that mean? seems pretty fucking arbitrary, but i'm sure you'll be evenhanded about it, captain 'i-solved-racism-with-my-black-history-month-display') or they're ridiculously detailed & include terrible rules (notorious, common no-sleeping rule; limits on how much stuff you can have; rule against 'staring' at others, on & on). a bunch of these rules are obviously intended to bar not disruptive behavior but ""disruptive"" persons. in the united states, the legal precedent to which public libraries refer when they write their rules & impose restrictions on their patrons, kreimer v. bureau of police (1992), was about the library's right to prevent an unhoused person from being in the library because of his body odor. super common rule btw & it sucks shit! either the library is for everyone, & we're happy to make resources available to everyone (unless they are literally in the process of rendering the library unusable for other patrons) or it's nothing & who fucking cares. all this to say that i did not like it very much when the library staff meeting had a whole section devoted to our one (1) unhoused regular, featuring a bizarre & unpleasant amount of detail on his personal history, with the outcome that everyone except for him is allowed to use the library's phone for brief calls. 15 minutes of my colleagues jumping in to tell us all that they know which church he goes to. urban libraries have their own problems but this shit is ridiculous. why must we either be like angels decided from upon high to tend to the unfortunates or pompous little cops. can't we just be like you know a public service

[art-of-manliness]

Getting Over the Indignity of Baby Steps

In the 1991 comedy What About Bob?, Bill Murray plays Bob Wiley, a highly neurotic and anxious guy who seeks the help of an egotistical and ambitious therapist named Dr. Bob Marvin (played by Richard Dreyfuss). Dr. Marvin wants to be the next Dr. Spock — a psychologist who’s a household name. He thinks his recently published book, Baby Steps, is just the ticket to fame and fortune. When Bob visits with Dr. Marvin about his numerous psychological issues, Dr. Marvin gives Bob a copy of Baby Steps. Bob embraces the Baby Steps philosophy wholeheartedly and proceeds to take literal and figurative baby steps out of Dr. Marvin’s office. Comedic hijinks ensue when Bob crashes Dr. Marvin’s family vacation and baby steps over the boundaries between therapist and patient. While What About Bob? uses the idea of “baby steps” to poke fun at the world of therapy, it does capture an idea that can sound cliche but is nevertheless true: small actions, when pursued consistently, are typically the most effective way to affect big changes in our lives. You know— Kaizen. Little strokes fell great oaks. Pound the rock. But here’s something I’ve noticed in my own life: While I cognitively understand that change typically comes through small actions, I still often find myself balking at taking the necessary baby steps to start the change process. I’m sure some of you reading have experienced the same thing. In today’s article, we’ll look into why we often hesitate to take baby steps and what we can do to embrace them. Why We Give Up on Taking Baby Steps Towards Change There are two main reasons why we’re often reluctant to take baby steps towards a goal: 1) baby steps can make us feel inadequate, and 2) baby steps seem too small to work. The Sense of Inadequacy, or “This Makes Me Feel Like a Big Dumb Baby” Effect A big reason why we might be reluctant to take baby steps to change is that doing so can make us feel inadequate. Psychologist Dr. Ross Ellenhorn talks about the indignity of baby steps in his book How We Change (And Ten Reasons Why We Don’t). Ellenhorn observes that small steps can demoralize us because they constantly remind us of the distance between our current state and our desired outcome. Each baby step can feel like a mini-disappointment that highlights the work that still needs to be done to reach our goal, amplifying our feelings of inadequacy and ineptitude. Taking baby step after baby step forces you to repeatedly face the fact that you’re not where you want to be. To counter the constant mini-disappointments that often come with baby steps, we just stop taking them altogether. We avoid baby steps because baby steps make us feel bad. I’ve noticed this in my own life. I have a tendency to catastrophize things. I have a negativity bias that can make me Eeyore-like. I don’t like it, so I’ve made efforts to get a handle on my Eeyore-ness for most of my adult life. One of the tactics cognitive behavioral therapists recommend using to overcome catastrophizing is to catch yourself doing it and then take a minute or two to question the assumptions you have that are contributing to your downer mood. But I find myself balking at putting this habit into practice on the regular. Why? It makes me feel stupid that I have to question my erroneous, overly pessimistic assumptions over and over again. Every time I question my negative view of a situation, it reminds me that I have a melancholic mentality. Here’s the inner dialogue that goes on when I start taking the baby step of questioning my negative assumptions and feel grumpy about it: “Man, look how dumb I am. I’ve got to go through this list of questions to see if my negativity bias is correct or not. It makes me feel so stupid because usually the answer to these questions is that my assumptions are distorted. Other people I know don’t have to do this. Why do I have to do this? Oh yeah, because my brain is broken.” I go into a spiral of doom and gloom. I start feeling bad about feeling bad, all thanks to taking… http://dlvr.it/T9grYb